#Is this how gay dudes felt watching howl | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

starlocked01 · 3 years

Text

If This is Madness

AO3 Link

Dukexiety Week Day 1- Myths/Supernatural

WC: 7.6k

Summary: One night a lighthouse keeper finds the impossible on the shores of his little island. Fighting both loneliness and temptation, he forges a bond of trust with a selkie as mysterious and unpredictable as the depths of the sea.

Content Warnings: Swearing, Nudity, Kidnapping, Description of Physical Injury, Violence

@dukexietyweek

Unseen flecks of dampness peppered his face with each crash of waves against the rocks, and salt pleasantly stung his eyes and nose as Virgil cautiously picked his way through the slick, sharp stones, headed towards the small lagoon with his canvas, easel, and paints. Moonlight reflected off the low tide waves and he strained to see each next step. Virgil almost missed the obvious until he practically stumbled upon it. He hissed in a startled breath and hid behind the nearest crag. He rubbed his eyes hard and blinked several times, trying to rule out hallucinations or a trick of the moonlight.

A naked man sat with legs spread wide, staring out at the sea, taking large breaths every time the waves broke on its rock. Virgil blushed at the indecency and watched from his hiding place. After a few minutes, he realized the man was wearing a leathery grey spotted animal skin like a cape.

Holy shit...

Virgil had become accustomed to fishing and gotten over his aversion to dead sea life for the most part, but seeing this naked man wearing the skin of what looked like a seal twisted his stomach in an unpleasant knot. Virgil turned away from the sight and spilled his supper between the rocks. He wondered if there was a safe way to run back to the lighthouse and call the coast guard to pick up this tweaker, but when he glanced back the man was staring in his direction, alert and wary.

Shit, look away! Look away! Don't bother with me, freak!

Virgil covered his mouth and pressed further into the shadows, hoping the man would lose sight of him when the man threw back its head and let out an inhuman barking laugh that sent chills down his arms. Virgil watched as it stood suddenly and dashed away across the rocks, careless and surprisingly agile. Virgil breathed a sigh of relief and tried to turn back towards home, but found his feet uncooperative, chasing after the man.

What the fuck? Go back and call this in.

He told himself he was just trying to follow the man back to its ship so he could report how it'd gotten to the island. He stopped dead in his tracks when he reached the lagoon and found instead of a crazed man looking for an escape or undocking a boat, a giant, fat, grey seal flapping at the edge of the waves on the secluded sandy beach.

No fucking way…

Virgil didn't believe in legends. He didn't believe in stories of merfolk and sirens and malicious creatures larger than life with tentacles stretching out of the depths (although he was agnostic about ghosts). He certainly didn't believe in selkies. Except this seal had the same skin as the crazy naked man had been wearing as a cape.

Internally screaming at himself to run the other way, Virgil stepped closer to the seal and yelled the only intelligent thing that came to mind.

"Hey, you!"

Hey you? Brilliant, V.

The seal stopped flapping and rolled over to stare at him with those same piercing alert eyes. Virgil shivered as the animal seemed to recognize it had been figuratively caught. It barked the same strange laugh and Virgil was certain it was the same creature.

Virgil watched in fascinated horror as the man began to wriggle right out of its skin, transforming before his eyes. The man stood, picked up the skin, and slung it over its shoulder before grinning at Virgil and shouting back.

"Hey!"

"You can talk?"

"You yell at seals you don't think are capable of talking back? Freak," the man giggled maniacally and Virgil scoffed.

"What? No.. I- look- ugh who are you?" Virgil felt heat rising in his cheeks in embarrassment.

The selkie grinned and stepped closer, offering Virgil its hand, "Remus."

"Remus?"

"Yeah, that's my name," Remus bobbed its head pointedly at Virgil, "and you are?"

Virgil looked Remus over and noted its appearance, from the bruise-like rings around its prying dark slate-colored eyes to the wildly unkempt, grey-streaked hair and mustache. He tried to avoid looking farther down than the creature’s chest, fascinated by the strange ways its muscles moved beneath the skin, built for swimming as a seal. Taking the offered hand, he replied, "gay. I MEAN- Virgil. I'm Virgil."

Remus snickered, "hi, gay Virgil. What are you doing on my island?"

"I live here- what are you?" Virgil pointed back toward the lighthouse and shook his head, shivering in the stillness as the creature examined him with an invasive stare. Remus didn't answer him right away, instead stepping closer and poking him in the stomach. "Hey!" Virgil jumped back in alarm.

"I believe the surface drifters call us 'selkies'," Remus answered with an amused twitch of a smile, "the hookers and netters call us nuisances, but I think they should call me a catch."

Remus stepped closer once again, reaching for the string of Virgil’s jacket. The overwhelmed lighthouse keeper jerked and smacked at the encroaching hand, "would you quit that? Who knew selkies were so nosey?"

Remus shrugged and tried again, hand darting forward and rolling the string between its fingers before yanking hard and cinching the hood over Virgil’s eyes. Virgil stumbled forward and scrambled to yank his hood back. When he had, he caught a glimpse of Remus, half re-skinned, jumping into the waves and swimming away like a merman. Virgil groaned and ran calf-deep into the waters of the lagoon and shouted, "Oh Yeah? Well… Warn a dude next time before just showing up naked and uninvited! Ya damn seal!"

Virgil stood there as the waves lapped up over his boots and dampened his socks, and tried to sort out whether he wanted the selkie to stay away or come right back. He knew the fables- of insecure men stealing a selkie's ability to swim away and calling it love. How their trapped wives always found a way to escape in the end, whether happily or in tragedy. Thinking of Remus, he could almost understand the temptation. The selkie was exotic and grossly captivating even after their short lived discussion.

Virgil kicked at the water and trudged back on shore. If Remus never came back, it would be for both of their benefit. He sighed and turned to set up his painting supplies, hoping he hadn’t broken anything while running after Remus. He continued his painting of the lagoon, mindlessly adding colors to the water and the beach. After a while he took a step back to compare and was startled to find he’d started to sketch out a seal sitting in the shallows. He peered off into the waves, wondering if Remus had turned back and was watching him, but if it had, Virgil could only see it in his mind’s eye.

Less than a fortnight had passed when Virgil awoke to a surreal howling on the beach. The man stumbled out of his cot and over to the window, terrified of what could be making that noise. In the distance, difficult to make out in the waning sunlight, Virgil spied a gray blob on the sandy side of the island, waving a flipper in the air and bellowing. He blinked a few times, eyes adjusting to the light.

"Remus?" Virgil sighed and grabbed pants and shoes, silently pleading with the selkie to shut up for a minute. Shrugging on a light jacket, Virgil left quickly to scan the beach for the creature.

Virgil didn't have to look for long before confronted once again with the naked human-form of the selkie.

"Hiya Virgie! Did you hear my warning?"

"I appreciate the heads up.. Where’s your skin, dude?" Virgil tried to glance anywhere except where his eyes were drawn as the selkie stared openly.

Remus shrugged, "over on the rocks. It's fine."

"Fine. Right. Um," Virgil stumbled over his words for a moment before clearing his throat, "why don't you… go grab it and join me inside? We can talk for a while- if you want to that is. I was just going to make breakfast."

"Breakfast? It's practically nightfall," Remus tilted its head inquisitively.

Virgil shrugged, "I'm usually up all night since that's when the light is absolutely needed on." He pointed up to the lighthouse behind him and Remus followed his direction.

After a brief moment of consideration, Remus replied, "sure. I'd love a closer look at the spinny fire tower. Be right back!" With that it dashed away and left Virgil alone for a moment.

Virgil stared after Remus, utterly confused. It was obvious Remus was just curious about him and the lighthouse. There was no reason for him to think otherwise. So then, why did he want to read into the selkie's manor and excitement as affection? That didn't make any sense and the thought almost scared him. He had taken the lighthouse keeper gig precisely because he was satisfied with the relative solitude and protection from the complexities of human interactions. Was it something about the selkie making him feel this way?

“Hey, Virgil, is there a reason humans change color so much?” Virgil was snapped from his thoughts by the selkie’s question. He shook his head and watched the creature returning, wearing its skin as a cape again.

“What do you mean ‘change colors’?” Virgil replied, turning back to the lighthouse.

“Well, I’ve watched drifters who’s hair changed from muddy or sandy or night-sky-y to cloudy. And their skin sometimes goes from pale like yours to fiery or driftwood-y.”

Virgil stopped in his tracks, utterly confused, “what color would you call my hair?”

“Driftwood-y.”

“I call it brown. If it were darker?”

“Night sky-”

“Black. Okay. Okay, I see what you’re doing here. I guess.. Over time humans get old and their hair tends to go grey or white- cloudy like you call it. Out in the sun all day, their skin will burn or tan, unless they’re already dark skinned and it’s not as noticeable,” Virgil tried to explain as he led Remus back to his place.

“You go fiery really quickly when you see me,” Remus remarked, causing Virgil to blush and prove its point.

“Well, you look like a naked man. It’s indecent,” Virgil tried to brush him off.

“Do you like naked men?” Remus prodded, following Virgil into the lighthouse and immediately becoming engrossed with all of Virgil’s collections. Shells and dried out driftwood lined the walls and paintings sat on the floor against the stairs, the unfinished lagoon landscape hung on an easel in the corner. Virgil chuckled as Remus wandered the combined kitchen and dining room, electing to ignore the question.

This selkie, Remus, was so unassuming. So unafraid. Did selkies not have myths of dangerous, skin-stealing humans? He shook the idea out of his head and smiled at Remus’ energy, “hey, are you hungry, Remus?”

Remus looked up from a painting it’d been tracing with its fingers, “uh, yeah. What do you have?”

Virgil shuffled over to the fridge and opened it to show the selkie the options, “a bunch of stuff…. Would you like… tuna salad?”

“You make a salad out of tuna? That sounds amazing!” Remus beamed, looking for the fish eagerly.

“Uh, for one thing it’s cooked so it probably tastes different than you’re used to,” Virgil cautioned as he reached in and grabbed a tupperware bowl of leftovers, “also there are extra… human ingredients…”

Remus just nodded and grabbed the bowl as soon as Virgil opened it, sniffing once, recoiling from the smell, then dipping its fingers in and scooping a large bite into its mouth. Virgil watched amused as the selkie’s face screwed up in a mixture of unfamiliarity and disgust and gasped as it kept frantically eating while still making faces at the taste.

“Woah woah woah!”

“It’s disgusting. I love it!” Remus intoned between bites, shoving more in its mouth as Virgil tried to wrench the bowl from its grasp.

“You don’t have to eat it if you think it’s disgusting!”

“But I want to!”

“What is your problem?”

“I dunno, I’m a seal. Is that a problem?”

Virgil paused and stopped trying to grab the bowl, watching as Remus quickly finished the food, “no, it’s not a problem. I guess I just don’t know you.”

“Yet.”

“Yet?”

“Yeah. Yet. You’re gonna make me more of this sour fish slop.”

“I am?”

“You are. And you’re gonna tell me about the weird skins over there. Why are they so colorful? Did you color them?”

“Oh, the paintings? Yeah I like to spend free time painting. I have a lot of free time,” Virgil admitted, mind whirling at the thought of Remus coming back often, “I was trying to do some painting the last time you washed up here.”

“Washed up? This is my island,” Remus hissed, spitting tuna salad at Virgil’s face.

“Yours? Then why haven’t I seen you here before, Mister Selkie?” Virgil sassed back, wiping chunks of tuna off with his sleeve.

“Eh, I usually only really come back once a year. Got a lot of islands around here to search,” Remus smirked, setting the bowl down and leaning back against the counter.

“That doesn’t make it yours. I live here all the time,” Virgil scoffed.

“So if I come back tomorrow?”

“I’ll be here.”

“Hmm…”

“Do you want to come back?” Virgil asked cautiously, “I don’t mind you showing up…”

“Sounds great, thanks for the fish!” Remus laughed and dashed out the door, leaving Virgil stuttering. He rushed after the selkie and watched as Remus wrapped back into its skin and dove back into the surf. Virgil sighed, staring out over the water where the seal had disappeared, watching the sunset dancing like flames in the waves. It was strange, but he found himself looking forward to more visits.

Virgil could never predict when Remus would show up. Sometimes it was early in the morning just when he was preparing to sleep and other times it was the middle of the night as he was tending to the light or painting in the lagoon.

Each time, Remus would announce itself and Virgil got in the habit of bringing it out clothing to wear. They spent the hours talking about the island with the lighthouse, Remus’ world and Virgil’s work. Virgil showed it how he painted landscapes around the island and Remus helped him find more secluded parts of the island. Virgil truly began to look forward to their time together as the visits became more frequent.

It was difficult, but he always resisted touching or even talking about Remus’ skin unless prompted. Remus had on request gleefully told him the horrific stories that its kind told their young about the drifters and hookers and land dwelling monsters that stole pups and young cows to keep them as captive slaves. Virgil was absolutely horrified but understood completely, resolving even harder to never touch the selkie’s skin. It was quite a surprise to him when he realized that Remus would just leave the skin by his coat near the door and never worried about it until it was ready to leave. Remus had never seemed incredibly protective of it, but Virgil marveled at the trust he’d gained in the few months they’d known each other.

The fourth day that week that Remus had shown up, Virgil decided to finally ask. He bit his lip and listened to Remus babble on about dead fish until the tension was too much and he blurted out, “why do you visit me so much?”

Remus paused mid ramble and tilted its head to stare at Virgil, “because I like you. You don’t drive me away for talking about seaweed slime and you show me cool human things.”

“Really, you like hanging out with the loner?” Virgil asked, eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

“Mhmm and the others think I’m nuts for walking into a human lair. It’s great!” Remus giggled and slurped up a fish stick.

“Oh. You talk to me for clout. Cool, cool,” Virgil shrugged, trying to hide his disappointment, “kinda weird to hang out with a monster.”

“Wait, you’re a monster? Have I ever told you I’m a monster fucker?” Remus grinned, poking and teasing Virgil, “I mean, yeah, humans are supposed to be so scary, but you’ve really just followed the tide. Why would I be scared? Do you wanna hurt me?”

“I don’t- gah I don’t want to hurt you, Remus. Humans have selkie stories just like selkies have human stories, but ours are always about not fooling yourself into holding a wild animal captive. You’re not human, as much as you look like one of us without that skin. I’d never force you to be human.”

Remus listened intently, “wanna know why I actually stopped by here?”

“Why?” Virgil tilted his head, sipping his glass of water.

Remus looked out the window, “I’m looking for someone. I keep hoping I’ll find him on a beach somewhere.”

Virgil tried to ignore how much more his heart sank at the revelation, “who are you looking for?”

Remus chuckled sadly, “my brother. He left one day and never came back. I assumed a human had captured him and devoured or skinned him for fun or something. Then about nine seasons ago, I found his skin trapped on the rocks of this island. I searched this whole island for three days straight and never found anyone.”

“Oh my word, that’s horrible. Is he dead?”

“I dunno. I hope he’s somewhere out there. But if he’s alive and doesn’t have his skin? That’s bad. You know what your kind usually does to us. I always said I was the only one allowed to scare him. I don’t want him to be scared and alone out there.”

“I’m sorry,” Virgil replied quietly, remembering with shame how much he’d wanted to do the same things to Remus when it had first shown up.

“I wish you’d been the one to find him, Virgie,” Virgil looked up suddenly.

“I would have never touched his skin. I’m so sorry about your brother, Rem. I don’t know how you can trust a human after that.”

"You're easy to trust. Like you said, you'd never lay a hand on me."

"Thanks..."

“Wanna touch it?” Remus asked suddenly.

Virgil flushed immediately, “what??”

“My skin. Wanna touch my seal skin?” Remus grinned, grabbing Virgil by the arm and leading him back toward the door.

“Remus..”

“Come on, I know I can trust you,” Remus nodded and pushed Virgil toward the drooping grey mass.

Virgil struggled, not wanting to cross this line until his fingers brushed the skin. It felt supple and gave way beneath his touch and Virgil found himself burying his hand in folds, spellbound by the texture. Remus watched him in amusement, placing a hand to his back.

“See, I know you won’t hurt me. You would never hurt me or any of my kind. I like you, Virgie. You get it,” Virgil just nodded in agreement, slowly pulling back from the skin and turning to face Remus.

“You- you like me? Like, just as your friend?” Virgil croaked out, his voice failing him.

Remus giggled at that, “well, gay Virgil. I did kinda think you were cute for a monster. That okay or is that weird?” Virgil chuckled and nodded, hyper aware of just how close together they were.

“That’s okay. I like you, Remus.”

Remus spent the whole day for the first time, snuggling close to Virgil as he slept. It was a strange and unspoken change. They were both a bit different now but the change felt secure. Remus felt more like a companion than a myth. Virgil would never force humanity on it, but revelled in its trust and comfort with him.

Virgil thought often about Remus when it wasn’t there and started including it in his paintings on purpose. The selkie took every opportunity to stop by that it could. When it did, Virgil would sometimes study Remus’ skin while the creature watched.

Virgil thought often about Remus, but the one time he wasn’t was the one time he really ought to have been.

The supply ship made its normal monthly delivery and Virgil was kept busy talking with the captain and the small two person crew as they all unloaded his rations and supplies. He thought nothing of Remus’ trumpeting call as he restocked the pantry until he remembered that the ship hadn’t left the dock yet. In a panic, Virgil ran outside, scanning the beach for his companion or the crew of the ship. His heart dropped when Remus called out again, this time a rather human sounding scream for help.

Pulse racing, Virgil ran for the dock, screaming for Remus. When he rounded the path and spotted the ship, he stopped in his tracks. The two deck hands had Remus wrapped in small nets, halfway out of its skin and gnashing ferociously at the leering men.

“We got a mermaid! A real mermaid!”

“Do I look like a fucking girl? Let me out of here and I’ll show you a real mermaid, you kelpie!” Remus barked and struggled violently.

Virgil shook out of his shock and charged down the beach, “let it go! That thing isn’t worth anything to you!” Virgil winced as Remus looked hurt by his words but he persisted yelling, soon catching the captain’s attention to the scuffle.

The captain watched as his crew fought the small lighthouse keeper and shook his head as the single man started to get the best of them. He sauntered down the dock and blew his whistle, shrill and sharp until the fight came to an abrupt halt.

“You idiots. Some jackass wraps himself in a dead skin and you think you found a mermaid? How did I get stuck with superstitious fools? Let the man go before I let Mr. Feny whip both of you for me,” the two quickly dropped their nets but Virgil glared at the captain with suspicion before running to help Remus get untangled. The captain watched with a gleam in his eye as Virgil tended to Remus, but turned to mutter to his crew, “get ready to sail. We’ve got a plan to make. That thing is better than a mermaid.”

Virgil and Remus watched from the beach as the ship set out into the tide, Virgil laying protectively over the selkie until the ship was out of sight.

“What were you thinking?” Virgil turned, meeting Remus’ frightened gaze.

“I needed to see you. I- you didn’t tell me you had other bitches showing up here!” Remus quickly became defiant, scrambling away from Vigil on the sand.

Virgil sighed, “today was a delivery day. They bring my food, paints, kerosene, and other supplies for the month. You’ve never come on delivery days- I assumed you saw the boat and knew better than to show up. Are you okay? Did the ropes hurt you?”

Remus grumbled but slowly showed Virgil the angry red lines on its arms and sides. Virgil hissed and helped Remus to its feet, leading the wounded creature back to the lighthouse.

Early in the morning just before the sun had risen, Virgil lay next to Remus, exhausted from the break in his routine and the excitement during the delivery. The selkie lay curled in Virgil’s arms as had become their habit on days when it stayed as Virgil slept. He gently brushed over the rope burns on its skin and wondered if he’d be able to better convince Remus to leave to go heal away from any human when they each awoke later in the day. Remus shifted with a hurt grunt next to him and Virgil quickly moved to run fingers through its hair to soothe it back to sleep.

He was on the edge of drifting off himself when the door to the lighthouse slammed shut. Instantly, Virgil sat propped up on one arm, hyper aware of every creak and crack around him. Remus shifted again, mumbling for Virgil to shut up and go to sleep.

“Shhh sleep. I’ll be right back,” Virgil promised, leaning down to nuzzle Remus’ hair momentarily. Remus grumbled and rolled over, hogging the blankets from the man as he sat on the edge of the bed and reached for his trusted baseball bat. A loud creak on the stairs startled him and confirmed that they weren’t alone in the lighthouse. Virgil fought back a million unlikely guesses of shadow demons, octopi ninjas, and vengeful seals as he stood and silently cracked open the bedroom door.

Lamp light flickered somewhere down the curved stairwell and Virgil cursed to himself. But who would break into a lighthouse on an otherwise deserted island? Had some ship run aground and the crew were just looking for him to call for assistance? Virgil let himself hold on to that explanation despite the panic screaming in his brain that it was too quiet for survivors of a crash to be looking for him. He crept down the stairs, bat ready in hand to fend off anything less than friendly.

Virgil stared- more than a little confused- when he found the crewmates of the supply ship creeping up his stairs. The meaner looking one gasped when he stepped into their light and the other grinned, taking advantage of his confusion and recognition to grab Virgil and clamp a grimy hand over his mouth.

Rage seethed under Virgil’s skin as he kicked and tried to smack the men with his bat. The man holding the torch chuckled and caught the bat midswing, wrenching it from Virgil’s grip and smacking him hard in the leg. He grinned as though Virgil’s moans of pain caused him great pleasure.

“That’s what you get for stealing our catch, you fuck,” he whispered and spat in Virgil’s face as he expertly tied the lightkeeper’s hands. Virgil hissed and tried to kick and struggle as the two men carried him down to the dining room where the captain stood guarding the door.

“I swear he tried ta bite me,” the man gagging Virgil complained. As soon as he removed his hand, Virgil snarled and yelled for help, earning himself a sharp kick in the side. He layed curled on the floor, panting for the breath stolen by the sailor’s boot as the men tied his legs and the captain chuckled darkly.

“So, Mr. Feny, I suppose your selkie friend is upstairs,” the captain’s teeth gleamed in the steadily growing light of dawn and he fingered Remus’ skin like he were appraising its value, “shame he didn’t swim off right away. You made this far too easy.”

Panic clutched hard at Virgil’s chest as he heard Remus stumbling down the stairs, sleepy heavy in its voice as it called for him, asking what was going on. He tried to warn it to run, but one of the sailors kicked him again and the captain stepped forward, boot placed threateningly over Virgil’s windpipe.

Virgil watched helplessly as Remus tripped and barked out curses in its native language, careening down the last curve of the stairs and right into the waiting nets of the sailors. Remus screeched and bit and fought as the two men wrestled him down to the floor of the dining room, crashing into Virgil’s paintings in the process. The captain kept Virgil at bay, smirking as their quarry fought hard but soon succumbed to the ropes and bruises. Virgil gasped as Remus met his eyes with a helpless and betrayed expression.

Virgil croaked out a pathetic, “I’m sorry- they won’t-” before the captain pressed down his foot, choking off his air. Remus was picked up by the two crewmates and carried out the door despite its struggles and howls for salvation.

“Funny how exotic pets tend to run off when we think they're happy, eh?” the captain of the supply ship laughed and nudged Virgil in his bruised side before exiting the lighthouse without another word.

Virgil sobbed as Remus’ terrified cries echoed back to him and grew slowly further away. He struggled against the ropes, biting at the hastily tied knots until his hands fell free and immediately moved to shove the binds off his legs. He cursed the man he had thought was at least friendly, unable to see anything but Remus’ terrified look of betrayal as he slowly pulled himself up and over to the stairs. He cursed himself for setting the radio up near the light, wincing as he pulled himself up the first stair. If he could just contact another ship…

Fighting pain and the ever growing tide of panic pulling back to form a giant wave of despair and doubt, Virgil pulled himself up the stairs as fast as his broken ribs and swimming head would allow. Once he reached the light, he winced at the brightness as it swung over his face, ducking down to crawl over to his radio set up. Virgil groaned as he pulled himself up into his chair and flicked on the equipment, praying anyone would be within range and willing to break course to help him.

Virgil thought for a moment before beginning to tap out his message on the telegraph, trusting years of translating Morse to guide his fingers. He kept the message short, starting with an S.O.S. and his location, adding that someone had been kidnapped. He repeated three times before pausing to listen for a response.

Virgil waited with baited breath and nearly sobbed again when the reply came.

In vicinity. ETA 5 minutes.

Virgil was so relieved, he nearly forgot that he would have to explain who and why Remus had been taken. His heart hammered in his chest as he spotted the responding ship and rushed down to the beach to meet them, wincing with every step.

The ship that pulled into the dock was somewhat bigger than the supply ship, manned by the captain and a three person crew. Virgil stood at the end of the dock, shivering in the weak sunrise as the captain, an honest-looking man in a red coat, jumped off and rushed over to him.

“Oh my god, you look terrible! What happened, sir?” the captain grabbed Virgil by the shoulders just in time as everything that had happened that day suddenly washed over him and his knees gave out. The captain supported Virgil and ordered his crew to help the man aboard so they could care for him.

Virgil stuttered as they brought him aboard, not sure how to explain the selkie’s existence or his need to rescue the being he’d come to see as a companion. A crewmate the captain referred to as Mr. Hart took care in tending to Virgil’s wounds and murmuring words of comfort. The navigator quickly assessed possible routes the fleeing ship could have taken, pondering over which would be the most logical for avoiding getting caught with a missing person. Another crewmate busied himself around the ship, preparing to set sail again as soon as the captain gave them a bearing.

“Listen to me, sir. We’ll get them back, but we need to know who took them and where they went. I promise. Captain Roman Shoal does not break his word,” Virgil looked up to meet Roman’s dark grey eyes and found great comfort in their fierceness, “Patton, go help Janus. I think our lighthouse keeper is in shock.” Patton nodded and jumped up to help pull the ship out of the dock.

“You’re not going to believe me,” Virgil muttered. Roman laughed gently at his first spoken words since being brought aboard.

“Try me. I’ve seen a lot more unexplainable things than you’d expect,” the captain grinned and offered Virgil his hand. Virgil took it and decided to just blurt out the truth like ripping off a bandaid.

“My supply delivery ship crew jumped me and tied me up so they could kidnap my… companion. I don’t know what they wanted with Remus-”

“Remus?” the captain looked as though the name were a spirit come to haunt him.

“Yes, Remus. I know this sounds crazy, but the people who took Remus knew that- that-” Virgil tried so hard to say it out loud, to acknowledge the impossible, knowing the moment he said that Remus is a selkie he’d be thrown back on the island as another mad lighthouse keeper.

“It’s a selkie. Right? They stole a selkie- shit! Logan! We need to make the best time we can heading northeast from this position!” Roman stood, barking orders at the navigator while Virgil stared agape at the man.

“How did you-”

“I’ve known Remus before. It is an idiot to get itself into this predicament,” Roman barely spared Virgil a glance, but the piercing gaze made something click in his head.

“Oh… are you-?”

“Luckily, if these kidnappers are stupid- and they sound quite stupid- I know exactly where they’ll be headed. We should be able to catch up before they get to the market. How much of a head start do they have on us?” Roman asked insistently.

Virgil sighed, “I think at most an hour? I had to get free and get to the radio,” he gulped, “sir…”

“Please just call me Roman.”

“Roman, um… how exactly do you know Remus?” Virgil hazarded the question as the ship began to speed off after the kidnappers.

“My sibling has always been far too trusting of humans. You called it your companion? So was it with you willingly or am I going to release Remus to the waves and let the pieces of your body follow?” Roman answered with a hard edge to his voice.

Virgil shook his head, “I never touched its skin until it offered and actually forced me to touch it. I never wanted to hurt Remus… I tried to convince it to flee the island after the men attacked the first time earlier yesterday, but it was hurt and didn’t want to leave.”

Roman nodded, satisfied for the moment, “fine. You rest here while I find Remus. If it wants to return with you, that’s no skin off my back.”

Virgil watched, quiet as the crew maintained their pursuit. He wondered at the selkie captain and idly if the others were also mystical sea creatures pretending to be human. Roman spent several minutes explaining their exact heading to Logan and encouraging Patton and Janus in their sailing of the ship before he made his way back to the injured lighthouse keeper.

“So what’s your name and how do you know Remus?” Roman asked in a low voice.

Virgil nodded to acknowledge the fairness of the questions, “Virgil Feny. As you guessed, I tend the lighthouse. I met Remus when it showed up on my beach one night and claimed it owned the island I live on.”

Roman snorted, “yeah, that sounds about right. Remus trusted you?”

“After a while. Like I said, I never tried to touch its skin when it came to visit. I also never asked it to come back at any specific time. I didn’t want a pet and certainly didn’t expect a partner,” Virgil whispered the explanation. Roman nodded in approval.

“How did you lose your skin?”

“That is a long story.”

Virgil started to reply when Patton whistled for Roman’s attention. Both the selkie and the lightkeeper looked up to where the man was acting as lookout.

“Spotted the ship, sir. How should we approach it?” Patton called back in a low tone despite their distance from the other ship. Roman stood and began to pace, contemplating that issue.

“They’ll be too wary to stop when hailed. They might have even been in range when Virgil signaled for help and could be expecting us,” Roman mused aloud.

“We could throw up the Coast Guard colors. Make them think twice about running?” Janus offered.

Logan scoffed from his place at the wheel, “why would kidnappers obey martial law and stop for the authorities? Especially if they heard the distress call.”

“Well if I were on their ship I’d hide the- man and stop for the Coast Guard to throw off suspicion,” Janus rolled his eyes, “running from the authorities when caught red handed is beyond unintelligent.”

“Gentlemen,” Roman tried to interject.

“There has to be a way to save him! I mean look what they did to poor Virgil, the guy they took has got to be in so much pain,” Patton whimpered, empathetically imagining all kinds of tortures. Virgil and Roman both paled at the suggestion but Roman shook his head.

“No. They think they have a.. Selkie. They’re going to try and sell the man at market. We have to stop them before they sell a man to the highest bidder.” Roman spoke measuredly and watched his crew’s reactions. Patton looked confused while Logan seemed incredulous at the very notion.

Virgil noted Janus’ carefully trained neutral expression with suspicion. He wondered again just how Roman had lost his skin. Just then the ship lurched and he was thrown to the deck, groaning at his jarred ribs and swiftly darkening bruises.

Patton quickly jumped to tend to Virgil again, righting him against a barrel and tearing his own shirt to bandage Virgil’s torso.

“Don’t mind the captain. He’s always been a bit eccentric about stories,” Patton whispered to soothe Virgil. Virgil just nodded, knowing the truth. The others continued to bicker over options as they came closer to their quarry.

“You know what I say? Let’s give them a fight. They’ve obviously got their hands full with their prisoner since we were able to catch up so quickly. Let’s make them regret their rash little stunt,” Janus grinned wickedly, hand resting on the saber tied to his waist, “we can steal back what they’ve stolen.”

Roman stared with contempt at the ship they were quickly gaining on, “it’s what they deserve. Let’s go. Raise the colors.”

The other three men jumped into action, Patton moving to run a flag up the mainsail while Logan steered in such a way that they were suddenly gaining very quickly on the smaller vessel. Janus stepped up to a chest along the wall near where Virgil was sitting, winking at the lighthouse keeper as he pulled out several loaded guns to distribute among the others. Virgil was heartened by the rescuers’ enthusiasm, but felt lightheaded as his injuries, lack of sleep, and steadily holding tidal wave of panic met with the rocking of the ship.

He awoke to a loud shout followed by a gunshot. The ship lurched again as it was anchored to the listing supply ship. Virgil ducked, suddenly terrified of being seen by the supply ship crew or getting shot. He cursed himself as he cowered from the angry yells and clanging of metal pieces.

Suddenly a large warm body landed in Virgil’s lap and he faintly heard Roman yelling at the crew to pull away. Slowly, he opened his eyes, surprised to find Janus in his lap, moaning in pain and clutching his leg.

“Wha- what happened? Where’s Rem-”

Janus hissed, “The selkie is fine.” he nodded up towards the helm, "and I totally meant to shoot myself- god damn it!". Virgil’s breath caught as he looked up to see Roman belting orders with Remus clinging to him and sobbing into his shoulder. Roman had wrapped his sibling in his coat, holding tight to his waist as though the selkie would disappear into the waves if he let go.

Virgil turned back to Janus who was also watching the selkie and the captain, “wait you got shot!” he turned with a groan to look for Patton, but finding the man busy helping Logan steer the ship away from the point of engagement, Virgil turned back and began to rip as clean a strip of cloth from his own shirt as he could get. “Show me the wound, you need to be bandaged.”

Janus hissed again, trying to pull away from Virgil but unable to move far, “I’m fine!” he snapped. Virgil pushed up the man’s pant leg and gently felt the bloodied skin around the wound. The bullet was definitely still lodged inside. He frowned and tied the scrap of his shirt firmly around to slow the bleeding.

Janus sighed heavily, unable to look away from Roman and Remus, “thank you. Roman has been looking for that one for a very long time...”

“Remus mentioned finding his skin. At least they’ll be able to be together again,” Janus whipped around to stare at Virgil.

“No. No, he can’t leave- I can’t-”

“You knew about Roman,” Virgil replied with a confirmed understanding, “he’d be happier with a choice.”

“We’re happy now- you don’t even know us,” Janus scoffed as he climbed to his feet, “just watch your mouth, lighthouse keeper.” He turned to limp back to his post, brushing Roman’s shoulder as he passed them.

Virgil moved to stand, only to be tackled back to the deck by a blur of red. He looked up and found Remus’s slate-grey eyes grinning back at him.

“You came for me! And you found Roman! You’re the best monster boyfriend ever!” Virgil cried from relief, pain, exhaustion, and joy. He wrapped his arms tightly around Remus feeling much the same way it had looked like Roman was, terrified Remus would disappear if he let go of it. When he looked up again, Roman was standing above the both of them, a confused mess of emotions playing out across his face.

“I hope you don’t mind a quick diversion before we return you home, Virgil. I would hate for that crew to try again without properly alerting the authorities. And as you saw, my first mate got a bit clumsy and needs medical attention,” Roman spoke quietly, trying to ensure neither Patton or Logan were listening in, “Remus assured me you don’t mean us any harm…”

“You always treat me like I’m stupid. Looks like I picked the better human,” Remus retorted, hugging Virgil tighter and squeezing his bruises.

"I just- I missed you, Rem.. and years later, we find you.. and you're throwing yourself at a human. I just can't believe it," Roman shook his head in disbelief.

Virgil sighed, "yeah. Please report those jerks and get Janus help. I'm so sorry he got hurt-"

"Nonsense. We would have risked a lot more to get this knucklehead back," Roman waved Virgil's apology off before leaving to direct the ship towards dock.

The sun had begun to set and nearly dipped below the horizon, lighting the water in flames before Virgil spotted the beacon of the lighthouse still spinning. He felt immense relief in just recognizing home.

The ship pulled up to his tiny dock and Virgil nearly tripped over himself, running to grab clothing and Remus’ skin. Roman and Remus also disembarked while the crew rested after such a harrowing day. Virgil found Roman and Remus standing on the beach, staring out over the ocean and talking quietly. Virgil stopped several yards away, curious.

“You could come back. We’ve missed you so much, bro.”

“I’ve missed you more than you’d know. But I have a life up here.”

“That bitch trapped you, didn’t he? You deserve so much better for yourself!”

“Look- yes, Janus hid my skin at first-”

“So take it back and leave him!”

“But I threw it overboard. I lost it on purpose. I hope you never understand, because Virgil seems a decent man. In fact, give it to him.”

“I’m sorry, give me what?” Virgil interjected, holding the clothes out for Remus. It happily grabbed them and its skin, dressing right there on the beach and tying its skin around its neck like a cape.

“Oh! Virgil! Um-” Roman stammered a moment, “I was offering to let you have my skin. You could become a selkie with it. I don’t need it.”

“Yeah! I could show you my world! Exploring shipwrecks and fighting squids over fishies- it would be so much fun! We could come back here for you to keep painting and all that stuff too,” Remus grinned broadly, offering Virgil its hand.

“I- I don’t know,” Virgil shook his head, “what about you?”

“My ship will be around. I know where to find my sibling now and that it’s okay and in caring arms,” Roman shrugged, “I wanted to stick around for a week or so, make sure those ruffians get jailed for attempted kidnapping. If that’s alright, of course. We have rations and won’t interfere with you.”

Virgil laughed quietly, “that is much appreciated, sir. Thank you for everything today.”

“It wasn’t a problem. Figured I’d be saving this knucklehead sooner or later,” Roman grinned and took his jacket back from Remus, “have a pleasant evening, Mr. Feny.”

“You too, sir!” Virgil called back before tugging Remus close to his side. The sun slipped below the water line and Virgil rested his head on Remus’s shoulder, taking comfort in the soft skin draped there. Roman had retreated to his ship, leaving the pair effectively alone.

The beacon spun overhead, glinting off the waves and fighting with the set sun for brilliance. Virgil stood silent, barely held steady by Remus who also leaned on him for support. The day had been all too much to process. As though reading his mind, Remus pulled Virgil down to the sand, laying down and offering to hold him. Virgil wrapped himself in his companion, feeling the world shrink to just one patch of the beach, the whisper of water draining through the sand, a spinning lantern warning other beings away, and the warmth in their embrace.

#dukexietyweek2021 #dukexiety #virgil sanders #remus sanders #selkie au #roman sanders #janus sanders #sanders sides #sanders sides fanfic #this one was so long pls don't expect this long every day #i'm literally so excited #my boys!

35 notes · View notes

nerdygaymormon · 4 years

Text

My Queer Playlist

Whether they’re upbeat & joyful or they convey pain & sadness, songs are a way to bond with a lot of people over something as amazing as queerness. Music has a power & ability to cut through, communicate something, & bring people together. Music can make being queer not so isolating.

Everyone has their own list of songs, but here’s my queer playlist.

It includes songs by LGBTQ performers, gay anthems, songs that are about LGBTQ topics & people, and songs that speak to the queer experience (that you’re not alone, the search for self acceptance, things get better, you’ve got one life so make the most of it, and things like strength, perseverance, & love overcoming odds). And many of these are great songs for dancing, which makes sense as even today most of the specifically-queer spaces are bars and dance clubs.

You’ll notice that as the years go on, the number of songs starts increasing as it became safer to be out & queer topics became more accepted. You’ll also see a shift from borrowing the songs of female empowerment to having actual LGBTQ people singing about their lives and feelings.

-----------------------------------

1939 - Over the Rainbow : Judy Garland - The dreams that you dare to dream really do come true. Rainbows and dreaming of a better world--absolutely speaks to queer desires. When it was dangerous to be open about being gay, the term “friend of Dorothy” was a way for a gay people to identify each other. “Oh, you don’t know Bob? He’s a friend of Dorothy.”

1957 - Jailhouse Rock : Elvis Presley - This is a song about male inmates in prison dancing together. And there’s even a gay crush! Inmate Number Forty-seven said to Number Three “You’re the cutest jailbird I ever did see. I sure would be delighted with your company. Come on and do the Jailhouse Rock with me.”

1963 – You Don’t Own Me : Lesley Gore – This song is all about letting me be who I am and love who I love, stop trying to make me be someone I’m not. Lesley didn’t come out at the time as the music industry was homophobic, she eventually came out as a lesbian in 2005.

1964 - Don’t Rain on my Parade : Barbra Streisand - We do like great big colorful parades, don’t we? This song is about how we’ve got one life so live it with gusto, do the things you most want to do. I’m holding my own parade and nobody is going to rain on it.

1966 - You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me : Dusty Springfield - Generations of closeted women & men could identify with the idea that queer love couldn’t last, it was too risky, so they’d take what they can. You don’t have to say you love me, just be close at hand. You don’t have to stay forever, I will understand. Dusty was a lesbian who didn’t talk about it much at the time in mainstream media for fear of losing her career.

1967 - Respect : Aretha Franklin - Aretha turned this song’s message of demanding respect for oneself into a universal declaration of pride and demand for equal treatment for blacks, for women, for LGBT people. She did things like perform at the Elton John AIDS benefit or a private wedding for a high-profile gay couple.

1969 - Make Your Own Kind of Music : Mama Cass - The message is take pride in your uniqueness and individualism.

1970 – Ain’t No Mountain High Enough : Diana Ross – Love conquers all obstacles if you have enough faith in yourself.

1972 – All the Young Dudes : Mott the Hoople – David Bowie wrote this song’s lyrics and sings on the chorus. The words sound like he’s calling for all the young (gay) dudes to come together. All the young dudes (I want to hear you) Carry the news (I want to see you) Boogaloo dudes (I want to talk to you, all of you) Carry the news (now) And there’s also this lyric that sounds like Lucy is a trans woman or a drag queen, but don’t bully them because Lucy will defend themselves. Lucy looks sweet 'cause he dresses like a queen. But he can kick like a mule, it's a real mean team

1974 - Rebel, Rebel : David Bowie - Part of what made Bowie beloved amongst the queer community is he was celebratory in how he portrayed androgyny and gender non-conformity and he was sexually ambiguous (bi? gay? straight?), while at the same time flaunting sexuality in everyone’s face. He exemplified the message to be yourself, even if you’re queer. This song’s lyrics include “You’ve got your mother in a whirl. She’s not sure if you’re a boy or a girl”

1976 - Dancing Queen : ABBA - This is a story of a 17-year-old girl on a nightclub dance floor, lost in the music and the moment. Of course, “queen” has a different meaning in the queer community and so this is often sung tongue-in-cheek. There’s a delightful campiness to ABBA that has long-appealed to gay fans, and gay singers like Erasure, have covered ABBA songs.

1976 - Somebody to Love : Queen - Freddie Mercury, who composed these lyrics, was gay. The question he keeps asking “Can anybody find me somebody to love?” could be about being gay in a society when any sexuality besides ‘hetero’ was frowned upon.

1977 - I Feel Love : Donna Summer - This is a song about loving your body and your desires, a powerful sentiment for people whose attractions were once seen as deviant and who grew up feeling shame for who they are. Try to listen to this song and not feel like dancing.

1978 - Macho Man : Village People - These lusty lyrics worship the muscled physique of the ideal macho man

1978 – I Love the Nightlife : Alicia Bridges – Alicia was out as a lesbian and this song is about going to the club and dancing the night away, which appealed to queer listeners because that’s the space where they would get to unabashedly & joyfully express themselves.

1978 - Got to be Real : Cheryl Lynn - If you stay real, you’ll find “real love,” in other words, be authentic and you’ll find authentic love. The song was prominently featured in the 1990 documentary Paris Is Burning, which chronicles the ball culture of New York City and the African American & Latino gay and transgender community involved in it. There’s something deliciously ironic about Drag Queens strutting to the words about being “real”

1978 - I’m Every Woman : Chaka Khan - This song of female empowerment & strength appealed not only to women but also black and queer communities across the world because it is about taking on whatever roles you want. And it’s a favorite song for drag queens to lip sync & dance to as they can present themselves as “every woman.”

1978 - I Will Survive : Gloria Gaynor - You can imagine marginalized people asking the same questions in the song: “Did you think I’d crumble? Did you think I’d lay down and die?” The gay community has embraced this song that is a declaration of resilience & pride Even after decades of progress, many LGBTQ people still have to deal with daily assaults on their personhood & “I Will Survive” remains relevant.

1978 - Y.M.C.A. : Village People - Very fun song. The lyrics make me think of young gay teens migrating to big cities like New York (often after being kicked out by their parents). The YMCA’s provided cheap shelter for them. And of course, the lyrics hint at all the gay activity, too. “It’s fun to stay at the YMCA. They have everything for you men to enjoy. You can hang out with all the boys.“

1979 - Don’t Stop Me Now : Queen - Essentially the song is just a man intent on having a wild night out and inviting the rest of us to come along for the ride or else get out of his way. The love interests flip between male & female and back again.

1979 - You Make Me Feel (Mighty Real) : Sylvester - The singer is black, gay and some form of gender queer and sings the song in falsetto. He’s singing the praises of someone who makes him feel good, validated and alive. The words about feeling real, those mean something to queer people.

1979 - In the Navy : Village People - The United States Navy asked to use this song in a recruiting campaign, they thought it seemed like a catchy song praising the life of a sailor. They later decided against it when media started criticizing the use of taxpayer funds for a “gay” music group because it would further enhance the much-whispered talk of gay activity aboard ships, what with all these men stuck at sea with no women for long stretches at a time.

1979 - We are Family : Sister Sledge - A message of unity that resonates for queer people as we often have to build a chosen family, and this song fits that.

1979 - Go West : Village People - The song is about an imagined utopia free of homophobia and discrimination. Why “Go West?” In the USA that’s been the direction of freedom and opportunity, and plus San Francisco had become a gay mecca and it was on the West Coast.

1979 - Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight) : ABBA - A woman is alone in an apartment watching television late at night as the wind howls outside. She says, “Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight.” A sentiment many a gay man could sing along with.

1980 - I’m Coming Out : Diana Ross - Yes, this song is about that kind of “coming out.” The lyrics also are about being your truest self and throwing aside shame’s shackles.

1981 – Elton’s Song : Elton John - A moving piano ballad about a gay teenage boy’s hopeless crush on another boy. The song contains themes of heartbreak and shame. The video is enough to make me cry. This is from before Elton John was publicly out as gay

1981 - Tainted Love : Soft Cell - Having an openly gay man sing this song gave it layers of meaning. The gay experience is not all about empowerment & acceptance. This song coming at the start of the AIDS crisis came to represent some of the fear & paranoia that became part of gay life. “Once I ran to you, now I’ll run from you.”

1982 - Do You Really Want to Hurt Me : Culture Club - Boy George had a 6-year relationship with the band’s drummer, Jon Moss. The relationship was kept hidden from the public, and George often felt hurt because he wanted to be open about his love. While the song is about their secret relationship, the video is about being victimized for being gay. It shows Boy George getting kicked out of different places in various historical settings. In the courtroom, the jurors are in blackface to show the bigotry and hypocrisy of the many gay judges & politicians in the UK (most were closeted) who enacted anti-gay legislation.

1982 - It’s Raining Men : The Weather Girls - Super campy song, ridiculous words, but it’s sung fearlessly with over the top vocals that make it so good. What gay boy didn’t wish it was raining men?

1983 - I’m Still Standing : Elton John - These lyrics of showing a strong sense of endurance in the face of adversity is a theme that resonates with the queer community and is exemplified by Elton John, himself.

1983 - Na Na Hey Hey : Bananarama - This remake of the 1969 song by Steam didn’t change the pronouns. This girl group is singing to a woman, asking her to leave her man because “He’ll never love you, the way that I love you”

1983 - Church of the Poison Mind : Culture Club - A man falls in love with a religious gay man who, because of what he was taught at church, can’t resolve his own feelings about being gay. If you’re living in a society distorted by prejudice, take a chance on joy--embrace love, whatever form it takes.

1983 - I’ll Tumble 4 Ya : Culture Club - A light-hearted song about looking for someone to fall in love with sung by Boy George, the most famous man in drag in the 1980’s.

1983 - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun : Cyndi Lauper - This song is about breaking the rules, letting go, being free and being visible. And yeah, lesbians wanna have fun.

1983 - Karma Chameleon : Culture Club - If you’re a person who doesn’t take a stand because you don’t want to offend anyone by being true to who you are, then karma is gonna get you. Boy George was in a relationship with the drummer, who wasn’t out so it had to remain secretive. Their difficult lover-professional relationship was the inspiration for many lyrics in Culture Club songs, including the line, “You’re my lover, not my rival” in “Karma Chameleon.”

1983 - Relax : Frankie goes to Hollywood - At a time when gay sexuality was still mostly illegal and therefore usually portrayed in song & media by way of clever allusions, “Relax” was a song about gay sex—and despite the video being banned by the BBC and MTV—was the biggest pop song in the world. The chorus was about delaying sexual gratification to increase pleasure ("Relax, don't do it when you want to come")

1983 - I Am What I Am : Gloria Gaynor - Gloria has taken this Broadway song and given it a disco/dance vibe. The song is about coming out of the closet and living life authentically.

1984 - I Want to Break Free : Queen - The video is a parody of the U.K. soap opera Coronation Street, which has the entire band in drag, including Freddie Mercury as a housewife while singing lyrics about wanting to break down the boundaries of acceptability. The video was banned in the U.S. 🙄

1984 – Smalltown Boy : Bronski Beat – Wanting to escape the oppressive nature of a small hometown is something many queer kids long for. The song takes the pain of rejection and makes it danceable. What else makes this song notable is it’s from an openly gay group during the peak of the AIDS crisis.

1984 - You Spin Me Round (Like a Record) : Dead or Alive - The singer is queer and singing a love song, the New Wave music is hot, and this is an iconic classic of the 1980’s

1985 - Lover Come Back to Me : Dead or Alive - The 1980’s synth, the huge hair, and a queer singer telling his lover to come back.

1985 - Living on My Own : Freddie Mercury - This video was too controversial at the time and was banned because it featured drag queens, transvestites, and other questionable people enjoying themselves at a party. The lyrics talk about being lonely & living on my own (which I don’t know if he meant it this way, but it’s a good way to describe how it feels being in the closet), but there’s got to be some good times ahead and the music matches that upbeat hope.

1985 - Sisters are Doin’ It for Themselves : Eurythmics & Aretha Franklin - It’s a feminist anthem that also has appeal as a song of lesbian empowerment

1985 - Somewhere (There’s a Place for Us) : Barbra Streisand - This song from the musical West Side Story is about love that is forbidden by society and dreaming of a place where such love is accepted, a theme queer people certainly understand.

1985 - Thank You for Being a Friend : Cynthia Fee - This song is on the list because it was the theme song for the TV show Golden Girls. When most people think of that show, they think of the 80′s fashions, cheesecake, the one-liners and showed older women as having sex drives. What the LGBTQ community remembers is that it had remarkably progressive outlooks on LGBTQ rights for its time, with nods to the AIDS crisis, coming out and even same-sex marriage. This video shows some Pride highlights from the show.

1985 - Love Me Like There’s No Tomorrow : Freddie Mercury - The lyrics are about two lovers who are forced to go their separate ways, we’re not told why, but it’s clear the singer is sad about losing his beloved. This 2019 video is two white blood cells falling in love, only to have heartbreak ensue when one of them gets HIV. This video benefits the HIV/AIDS charity organization the Mercury Phoenix Trust (MPT). MPT was founded by Queen in memory of Freddie

1986 - Nikita : Elton John - Elton John sings of his crush on a person called Nikita, an East German border guard whom he cannot meet because he is not allowed into the country. In the video, the guard is female, but the name Nikita is a male’s name.

1986 - True Colors : Cyndi Lauper - The lyrics are about seeing who someone really is and loving them for it. And it doesn’t hurt that your “true colors are beautiful like a rainbow”

1987 - I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me) : Whitney Houston - This is popular with the LGBTQ community. We wanna dance with somebody like us, so we go to gay clubs.

1987 - It’s a Sin : Pet Shop Boys - This song is about a person’s lifelong shame and guilt, presumably for being gay. “For everything I long to do, no matter when or where or who, has one thing in common, too. It’s a, it’s a, it’s a, it’s a sin”

1987 - Faith : George Michael - The song, about declining hookups and patiently waiting for a more meaningful connection, portrays a balancing act with which gay culture has long wrestled. “Well I need someone to hold me but I’ll wait for something more. Yes, I’ve gotta have faith” is just as meaningful today in a culture searching for love while swiping left.

1987 - So Emotional : Whitney Houston - This is a great pop song with lyrics that people can easily see themselves in. Whitney sang a lot of non-gender-specific songs, this being one of them. What we didn’t know at the time is that Whitney’s best gal pal had once been more than that, they cut out the physical part of the relationship when Whitney signed with Arista Records in 1982, but remained best friends, so there may be a reason she preferred to sing love songs without a gender. Also, as if the song isn’t iconic in its own right, I will always think of the epic lip sync performance by the drag queen Sasha Velour when I hear this song.

1987 - Always on my Mind : Pet Shop Boys - This is a remake of an Elvis song, but they dropped the references to a girl, making the gender of the person they’re singing about ambiguous.

1987 - Father Figure : George Michael - The phrase “Father Figure” represents how someone can take on a paternal role, encouraging & inspiring another person. Many queer men suffer alienation & rejection from their fathers. As one of these men begins to explore emotional intimacy with another man, the singer assures him that he’ll take on the role of loving and mentoring him, help him work through those issues.

1988 - One More Try : George Michael - The singer is calling his new lover “teacher” (maybe because he feels he has a lot to learn about love). He’s hesitant to enter a new relationship because he has been emotionally hurt by a previous one. The song concludes with a willingness for “just one more try.”

1988 - A Little Respect : Erasure - Singer Andy Bell was one of the first openly gay pop stars to actually sing about queer romance. In this song he’s calling to a lover to not leave and asks the question, “What religion or reason could drive a man to forsake his lover?”

1988 - Kissing a Fool : George Michael - George is lamenting the recent lost love of a man "who listened to people who scared [him] to death and from my heart.” The line “strange that you were strong enough to even make a start” suggests that the ex-boyfriend was in the closet or was reluctant because of the baggage & reputation that came with dating a star like George Michael. Under the homophobic scrutiny, the boyfriend was made to “feel a fool.” In the end, George is heartbroken and is the one left feeling “a fool.”

1989 - Express Yourself : Madonna - “Don’t go for second-best” just because he treats you nicely in bed, but then is emotionally distant. Stand up for yourself and what you need in a relationship. So why is this on this Pride playlist? The music video! All those muscular men.

1989 - Part of Your World : Jodi Benson - This song is from Disney’s The Little Mermaid. Ariel rejected traditional marriage partners and wants to marry a human against her father’s wishes. She dreams of being a part of the human world. For a long time the LGBTQ community has wanted to pursue romance & marriage with whom we want in a society where we could belong & be welcomed.

1990 - Vogue : Madonna - “Look around: Everywhere you turn is heartache.” That’s not exactly a fluffy opening for a dance-pop song—and that’s the point. This is still the time of America’s AIDS crisis, and this song is inspired by New York’s gay ball scene. This song wants you to put away the heavy stuff for a little while and get on the dance floor.

1990 – Groove is in the Heart : Deee-Light – A message of love and good times and the singer, Lady Miss Kier, although a woman, has a drag-queen sensibility to her colorful retro style

1990 - Freedom! ‘90 : George Michael - This song is cleverly about 2 things. One is about his career–the breakup of Wham! and then the success of his album Faith, and how he’s tired of being pushed around by his label so he’s taking control of his career and telling people to disregard the pop imagery of his past. It’s also about him wanting to come out of the closet about being gay, “There’s something deep inside of me, there’s someone else I’ve got to be.” It would be almost another ten years before he was publicly out.

1990 - Being Boring : Pet Shop Boys - “When you’re young you find inspiration in anyone who’s ever gone and opened up a closing door,” I believe this is talking about being in the closet and the hope that comes from people who’ve come out. The final verse, “Some are here and some are missing in the 1990’s,” AIDS wiped out much of a generation of gay people in the 1980’s. Now he’s grown up and out of the closet as “the creature I was always meant to be.”

1990 - Gonna Make You Sweat : C+C Music Factory - Fun dance song. In a 1997 episode of the The Simpsons, a steel mill turns into a flamboyant gay club when this song comes over the loudspeaker

1991 - Losing My Religion : R.E.M. - Lead singer Michael Stipe had several times declined to address his sexuality, so when “Losing My Religion” came out, people assumed Stipe was hinting that he is gay. “Consider this, the hint of the century. Consider this, the slip.” It stands as a classic example of queer coding in the era of “don’t-ask-don’t-tell”. The song was often interpreted as the struggle of Michael Stipe as a closeted gay man to come to terms with what religion taught about him.

1991 - I’m Too Sexy : Right Said Fred - A fun song about a guy who is full of himself, thinks he is so sexy. Richard Fairbrass, the singer of the group, came out as gay at the time of this song, which made the song seem representative of a certain narcissistic part of gay culture that centers on the gym and muscle worship

1991 - Emotion : Mariah Carey - This song displays Mariah’s crazy vocal range, is upbeat and danceable. Mariah grew up a poor, biracial young woman in the 1970s and 1980s. She had a drive to prove she is “worthy of existing,” and this has resulted in a number of songs about self empowerment, overcoming obstacles, a desire to belong, and all those things are relatable to the LGBT community.

1991 - Finally : Cece Penniston - A dance hit about falling in love. A lot of people, including queer people living in a heteronormative world, wonder if we’ll ever find true love, and can relate to the excitement & relief of the lyrics that “Finally, it has happened to me.” This song was featured in the 1994 movie The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, which was about two drag queens and a trans woman trekking across the Australian Outback in a tour bus they named Priscilla. The show is a positive portrayal of LGBTQ individuals.

1992 - Constant Craving : k.d. lang - She had been a country singer, but came out as gay and released this song. Every lesbian knew exactly what k.d. was craving.

1992 - Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover : Sophie B. Hawkins - The song’s lyrics are written from the perspective of a woman who is observing another woman in an abusive relationship. The singer is having a difficult time seeing her “black and blue” and dreams of rescuing this abused woman and making her happy, taking away her pain, and being physically intimate with her. Hawkins has stated that she is “omnisexual.”

1992 - Take a Chance on Me : Erasure - ABBA had a following among the gay community, and Erasure singing one of their songs helped bring ABBA back into mainstream consciousness again. Plus in the video, two members of Erasure dress in drag playing like they’re the women from ABBA.

1992 - This Used to be my Playground : Madonna - The lyrics are about losing childhood innocence and gaining responsibilities. The song came to be seen as an ode to gay friends who died during the AIDS crisis, and the loss of innocence that epidemic caused.

1992 - The Last Song : Elton John - When he learned that his son was gay, the father had “disowned” him, but upon learning his son was dying from AIDS, overcame his homophobia to spend the final moments with his son. This one makes me cry.

1992 – Deeper and Deeper : Madonna - The song talks about sexual desire, though in the gay community it’s seen as being about a young man coming to terms with being gay. “I can’t help falling in love. I fall deeper and deeper the further I go. Kisses sent from heaven above. They get sweeter and sweeter the more that I know”

1992 - Supermodel : RuPaul - RuPaul’s debut single introduced much of America to “sashay/shantay.” RuPaul used this breakthrough hit to become America’s favorite mainstream drag queen.

1993 - Bi : Living Colour - One of the very few songs (that I’m aware of) that celebrates bisexuality. The main line is “everybody loves you when you’re bi”, which is so affirming.

1993 - Somebody to Love : Queen & George Michael - At the Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert, George Michael sang this song about a man calling out to God, asking why he works so hard but can't find love. At the end of the song, he finds hope and decides he will not accept defeat. Given our smaller numbers and the process we go through to accept ourselves, queer people often work harder to find love. And here is George Michael, who became a gay icon, singing the song fabulously.

1993 - What’s Up - 4 Non Blondes - This was the first Top 40 hit by an openly lesbian group (somehow the Indigo Girls never got higher than #52). The song begins with the singer saying she’s 25 but is feeling discontent and confusion. She cries as a form of relief because she feels a little peculiar. In the morning she steps outside and yells “what’s going on?” She tries in this institution (which many think means the homophobic and sexist aspects of American) and she calls for a revolution. Since 1993, in many ways we have seen a revolution that is overturning many aspects of the homophobic restrictions that had gay people feeling stuck in an institution rather than able to fully be themselves.

1993 - Go West : Pet Shop Boys - This is a remake of the song by the Village People which imagines a utopia free of homophobia and discrimination. It’s a song of queer community & spirit, and we’ll all do it “Together!”

1993 - Come to my Window : Melissa Etheridge - Melissa came out publicly coming out as a lesbian and then released an album titled “Yes, I Am.” This song from the album is about a secret love. “Come to my window, crawl inside, wait by the light of the moon.” Certainly many gay people know about keeping a love on the down low. The song’s bridge really voices what a lot of queer people feel: “I don’t care what they think, I don’t care what they say. What do they know about this love, anyway?”

1993 - Hero : Mariah Carey - The song has a message that really speak to LGBTQ people. Inside of every person is the ability to be your own hero. looking to yourself & finding the inner courage to be strong & believe in yourself through the hard ties. ”There's a hero if you look inside your heart. You don't have to be afraid of what you are.” And it goes on to speak about casting aside your fears and surviving and finding love within yourself. Btw, in 2016 Mariah was honored by GLAAD with the Ally Award, and she gave her definition of LGBTQ--”L: legendary. G: gorgeous. B: beautiful — all of you beautiful people! T: tantalizing, and even Q for quality!"

1994 - Streets of Philadelphia : Bruce Springsteen - Bruce wrote this haunting song for the film Philadelphia, which was about a lawyer who was fired for being gay & having HIV. This song is about a man dying of AIDS. The lyrics begin with him seeing his reflection, but the disease has given him lesions & he’s lost so much weight that he doesn’t even recognize his reflection. “Oh brother, are you gonna leave me wastin’ away on the streets of Philadelphia?” This line is asking how society could turn its back on those who need help the most, even here in Philadelphia, the City of Brotherly Love. As he’s walking the streets, he is thinking of friends who had died from AIDS. He can hear the blood pulsing in his veins, and he describes it as black, because HIV/AIDS is an infection of the blood and the disease is (figuratively) black and deadly.

1995 - I Kissed a Girl : Jill Sobule - A song of yearning, confusion, and freedom

1995 - Queer : Garbage - The term “queer” in these lyrics meant odd or different, but Garbage is very open to the queer community and how we use that word.

1996 – Jesus to a Child : George Michael - The melancholy song is a tribute to Michael’s Brazilian lover Anselmo Feleppa. Feleppa died from an AIDS-related brain hemorrhage. The song’s rhythm and harmony is influenced by the Brazilian bossa nova style. Michael would always dedicate the song to Feleppa before performing it live.

1996 - Fastlove : George Michael - A guy was in a committed relationship that didn’t work out and now he just wants to not worry about love. “Had some bad love, so fast love is all that’s on my mind.” But even as he’s saying he’s seeking a casual hookup, keeps saying he misses his baby, being with someone he loves would be his preference.

1996 – Seasons of Love : Cast from the musical Rent - What is the proper way is to measure the value of a year in human life? The most effective way is to “measure in love”. Since four of the lead characters have HIV or AIDS, the song is often associated with World AIDS Day and AIDS awareness month.

1997 - Go the Distance : Michael Bolton- This song from the Disney movie Hercules is about not belonging and declaring that no matter what struggles lie ahead, I’m going to find my place in the world. That's definitely inspiring.

1997 - You Have Been Loved : George Michael - George Michael wrote this song about Anselmo Feleppa, who died of an AIDS-related illness in 1993. The beginning of the song describes Anselmo’s mother, who visits his grave. The first chorus has Anselmo’s mother saying goodbye, telling him “You have been loved.” The ending chorus has Anselmo dying, telling George, “You have been loved.” The line, “If I was weak, forgive me; but I was terrified,” refers to the trauma George felt during Anselmo’s decline in health. While an intense song about grief and death, it also involves a spiritual struggle. Anselmo and his mother both say that God is not dead, George counters by challenging God. “What’s the use in pressing palms, if you [God] won’t keep such love from harm? It’s a cruel world. You’ve so much to prove.”

1997 - Come On, Eileen : Save Ferris - This is a remake of the 1982 hit by Dexys Midnight Runners which was about getting a school girl to overcome her Catholic repression and begin a romantic (and possibly sexual) relationship. Only now a woman is singing about Eileen and that makes it a queer song.

1997 - Together Again : Janet Jackson - The album notes included: “I dedicate the song ‘Together Again’ to the friends I’ve lost to AIDS.” It’s a sweet song with hopeful words. “Everywhere I go, every smile I see, I know you are there smilin’ back at me”

1998 - Diva : Dana International - Dana is a transgender woman who won the 1998 Eurovision Song Contest. It was the first major celebration of a trans artist on an international stage. Dana’s representation of her country Israel created a furor among Israel’s Orthodox Jewish community. After her win, she addressed her detractors. “My victory proves God is on my side,” read her statement. “I want to send my critics a message of forgiveness: try to accept me. I am what I am.” She was a beacon that many LGBTQ people in Israel list as their first hope that things could get better, that it is okay to be queer.

1998 - Reflection : Christina Aguilera - This song from the Disney movie Mulan is about how others don’t know the real you, which means the lyrics can fit the experience of being in the closet. “Look at me. You may think you see who I really am, but you’ll never know me. Every day it’s as if I play a part.” The song also is adopted by a lot of trans people because how they feel on the inside doesn’t match how they look on the outside. “Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me? Why is my reflection someone I don’t know?”

1998 - Believe : Cher - Whatever happens, you’ve gotta believe there’s something better coming. Keep going and loving, because the next love will be better. It’s about strength and power and hope. And the fact that it’s not always easy to be who you are.

1998 - Outside : George Michael - George Michael was entrapped by police committing a lewd act in a public men’s bathroom in Los Angeles under suspicious circumstances. The video mocks the way queer men are held to different standards about sex--many couples were caught getting frisky, but the gay couples are the ones arrested.

1999 - Man! I Feel Like a Woman : Shania Twain - This is about going out, letting down your hair and having a good time. The message is she loves being a woman. “The best thing about being a woman is the prerogative to have a little fun.” My queer friends who identify as women love feeling like a woman.

1999 - There She Goes : Sixpence None the Richer - It’s surprising that a Christian band with a female singer does a song about being attracted to a woman who you just can’t get out of your brain. “There she goes. There she goes again. Racing through my brain. And I just can’t contain this feeling that remains.”

1999 - When She Loved Me : Sarah McLachlan - This is from Toy Story 2, if you remove the idea this is about a toy, the lyrics are about a woman reminiscing a past female love.

2000 - It’s Not Right But It’s Okay (Thunderpuss mix) : Whitney Houston - “I’m gonna be okay, I’m gonna be alright” shows a certain defiance & determination to go on, a message that strikes a chord with LGBTQ people

2000 - Stronger : Britney - This is a declaration of independence and self-empowerment. “You might think that I won't make it on my own, but now I'm stronger than yesterday.” Those are lyrics that queer people can embrace. We always can use an empowering dance song.

2001 - Androgyny : Garbage - I think this song has two messages. First, don’t dismiss people who don’t fit traditional gender roles. The other message is about trans individuals who “can’t see the point in going on,” they’re reminded that “nothing in life is set in stone, there’s nothing that can’t be turned around.” Trans individuals who were assigned female at birth may consider themselves “boys in the girls room.” Then when they decide to present themselves as male, others may consider them to be “girls in the men’s room.”

2001 - I Want Love : Elton John - This song is about a man who’s gone through some hard times, lost love, and as a result has built up some scars around his heart, but yet he wants love. Elton was mid-30′s at the time the song was released, which is a time a lot of people look at their life and want someone to settle down with, want a deeper connection with someone they can trust and have a long-lasting relationship.

2002 - Cherry Lips : Garbage - This song is inspired by a fictional trans woman. “Cherry Lips” talks about a boy looking like a girl who makes the whole world want to dance.

2002 - Beautiful : Christina Aguilera - This song affirms those who feel they don’t fit in. The video includes young people with body issues, a goth punk, a person assigned male at birth putting on women’s clothes and two guys kissing in public. “I am beautiful no matter what they say. Words can’t bring me down.” But songs can lift you up, and this one does.

2003 – Defying Gravity : Idina Menzel – In this song from the musical Wicked, the character Elphaba sings of how she wants to live without limits, going against the rules that others have set for her. Plenty of queer people can relate.

2003 - Gay Bar : Electric Six - The words are straight forward, “I wanna take you to a gay bar.” The music video is nuts, lead singer Dick Valentine portrays Abraham Lincoln in the White House getting increasingly ready for the gay bar--loses the pants, exercises, takes a bath, wears bdsm leather.

2003- If You Were Gay : Cast from the musical Avenue Q - An irreverent musical using puppets had this song between the characters that resemble Sesame Street’s Bert & Ernie. It’s about how a closeted person may have trouble accepting themselves, even if their friend is affirming. This performance of the song by the San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus is delightful.

2003 – Me Against the Music : Britney Spears and Madonna - The music video shows Spears and Madonna playing opposites in a nightclub. A cat-and-mouse chase ensues, and Spears finds Madonna in the end, only for the latter to disappear just before they kiss.

2004 - Toxic : Britney Spears - This song is basically a girl addicted to a guy and she’ll do anything to get what she wants, and the taste of his lips is intoxicating. Idk why this became such an anthem in the LGBT community other than in the early 2000′s Britney’s presence in pop culture was dominant, and she was a supporter of the queer community, and each song she put out was more empowering, sexually playful, along with a sense of vulnerability. I think for a lot of bi & lesbian women, Britney played some part in their sexual awakening. Plus there’s a stereotype that gay people walk quickly, that’s because we have Toxic by Britney Spears (143 bpm) playing in our heads.

2004 - Amazing : George Michael - After the painful and sudden death of his beloved Anselmo, George started a new relationship with Kenny. During that time, George’s mom was fighting cancer and Kenny was there for him. To be able to comfort a person in their time of grief and come out of it closer, that’s Amazing

2004 - Proud of Your Boy : Clay Aiken - This song was written for Aladdin and the words make me think of coming out and worrying what your parents are going to think and will they still be “proud of [their] boy”? Clay came out as gay a few years later in 2008.

2005 - Hung Up : Madonna - It’s about living your best life and not wasting anymore time on men who wont call you. And it has that synthesizer riff from ABBA’s Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight)

2006 - And I am Telling You : Jennifer Hudson - This song is about an underdog, and being LGBTQ makes us underdogs in our heteronormative society. “And I am telling you that I’m not going.” I’m going to be here and I’m going to thrive, I’m going to be me and you’re going to see me and “You’re Gonna Love Me.”

2007 - Grace Kelly : MIKA - Mika wrote the song after he felt frustrated with record label executives who wanted him to change his sound to be more like another pop singer. Mika wrote “Grace Kelly” to reject pretending be someone else to win approval – in this case the glamorous actress Grace Kelly, or he “could channel a little Freddie” Mercury. Refusing to change who you are to find acceptance is the stuff gay anthems are made of. We love Mika because he’s authentically queer and has no interest in conforming and instead is his flamboyant self

2007 - Billy Brown : MIKA - It was all going according to plan for Billy Brown: he had a wife, two kids and a dog. Then he fell in love with another man.

2007 - Sweet Dreams : MIKA - Mika covers this 1983 Eurythmics’ anthem of resilience. The Eurythmics singer Annie Lennox was seen as something of a gender bender thanks to her buzz cut & men’s suits. This song acknowledges that sometimes life is hard, some people want to use or abuse you, but “hold your head up,” and keep moving on and you’re sure to leave the nightmare for a sweet dream.

2007 - I Don’t Dance : Corbin Bleu & Lucas Grabeel - This song from High School Musical 2 is where Chad, co-president of the drama club, is trying to get Ryan, co-president of the basketball team, to “swing” to the other side, if you know what I mean. The scene in the movie is about playing baseball, and at the end of it, the two of them are sitting together wearing the other’s clothes. Guess Chad got Ryan to swing.

2008 - Talk About Love : MIKA - Super catchy chorus, he’s fallen in love and now all he wants to talk about is his new love.

2008 - Just Dance : Lady Gaga - This is Gaga’s first hit and she tells herself to just dance and everything will be okay. Whatever hard things are going on in our life, sometimes we have to take a break from them, and dance. Lady Gaga performed this at the inaugural NewNowNext Awards, which were broadcast on the Logo network in June 2008. Logo is targeted to the gay community

2008 - I Kissed a Girl : Katy Perry - Katy has a boyfriend, but she kissed a girl and liked it. Don’t pretend you don’t want to run to the nearest drugstore for some new cherry chapstick after listening to this song. This song isn’t about being bi, it’s about experimenting.

2008 - Poker Face : Lady Gaga - “Poker Face” is all about masking your sexuality. During a performance in 2009, Gaga explained that the song dealt with her personal experience with bisexuality. When she’s with a man but fantasizing about a woman, she’s got a “Poker Face” so he won’t know what is going through her mind.

2009 - Cover Girl : RuPaul - The theme song to the RuPaul’s Drag Race TV show which brought Drag performance and culture to the masses.

2009 - You Belong with Me : Taylor Swift - Not 👏 a 👏 single 👏 male 👏 pronoun 👏 in 👏 sight! The singer is pining over her close friend, who is dating a girl who doesn’t really get them. There’s nothing stopping us from reading this as a girl crushing on her gay best friend.

2009 - Bulletproof : La Roux - Everyone was asking if singer Elly Jackson was a lesbian or bi and she was vague in answering. She had a girlfriend but was worried what coming out would mean for her career. She still doesn’t like labels, she feels androgynous but more feminine than masculine, and she doesn’t call herself “gay”, “straight” or “bisexual.” However, she says "if people want to hold me up as a gay role model, absolutely, I’m proud to be that, but I don’t feel the need to say that I’m gay to do it.” The song is about a girl who has been through a lot of bad relationships and hopes that "next time maybe, I'll be bulletproof" meaning she hopes she doesn't get hurt in the next relationship she's in.

2009 - Bad Romance : Lady Gaga - First, it’s gender neutral so any of us can sing without translating pronouns. Second, it’s about loving someone completely, including their “bad” parts, “I want your ugly, i want your disease.” Third, Lady Gaga showed up to the 2010 MTV Music Awards w/ four members of the U.S. military who had been discharged or resigned because of the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy. When she went on stage to receive the Video of the Year award for “Bad Romance,” Gaga wore the now-infamous “meat dress,” as a way to show her anger about the military’s anti-LGBTQ policy. “If we don’t stand up for what we believe in and if we don’t fight for our rights, pretty soon we’re going to have as much rights as the meat on our bones.”

2009 - Whataya Want From Me : Adam Lambert - I wonder if this song is referencing when he was figuring out his sexuality with words like “Yeah, it’s plain to see, baby you’re beautiful and there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s me, I’m a freak.”

2010 - Cold War : Janelle Monáe - The song starts off saying “being alone's the only way to be. When you step outside, you spend life fighting for your sanity.” The chorus is how this is a cold war and knowing what you’re fighting for. Then there’s a bridge about strengthening the weak and if we unite and have faith in love then the mighty will crumble. This is followed by “I was made to believe there was something wrong with me.” So powerful. Alone we feel weak and need to hide, but united we are strong. Janelle has said this and additional songs about being the “other” can be about being a lesbian or being a gay man or being a black woman.

2010 - If I Had You : Adam Lambert - I love how the beginning sounds like Adam is going out to a gay club “So I got my boots on, got the right amount of leather, and I’m doing me up with a black color liner, and I’m working my strut.” Not the way we usually hear about a guy getting ready for a night out

2010 - Dancing on my Own : Robyn - It’s a break up song. “Somebody said you got a new friend. Does she love you better than I can?” But with a great dance beat like this, it’s a sure bet Robyn won’t be dancing on her own for long.

2010 - All the Lovers : Kylie Minogue - A feel-good dance track about love. The video has people strip down to their underwear, form a pyramid and begin kissing. All sorts of people kissing, very pansexual.

2010 - Mine : Taylor Swift - This is a song about a careless man’s careful daughter going off to college and falling in love with a small town waitress. That’s it. That’s the song.

2010 - Ice Cream Truck : Cazwell - This is something of a guilty pleasure. It’s a cute, simple and upbeat 1980’s-style hip-hop summer anthem that conveys happiness about being gay. I would describe the video as delightfully raunchy, a bunch of shirtless male dancers licking their popsicles (and a couple of butts also make an appearance)

2010 - Raise Your Glass : P!nk - The song is a call to the underdogs of the world, the “loud and nitty-gritty dirty little freaks,” to ignore convention and just let loose. Lyrics like these are so relatable: “So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways, all my underdogs.” Plus, the video has her singing at a gay wedding.

2010 - We R Who We R : Ke$ha - After a news story that bullying led to multiple suicides of gay youth, Ke$ha wrote this song in hopes that it would become a Pride anthem. The song is intended to inspire people to be themselves, and as a celebration of anyone deemed quirky or eccentric. Kesha was upset people have to hide themselves and pretend to be someone other than who they are in order to be safe.

2010 - Firework : Katy Perry - Everyone is a firework–an ordinary, ugly, or insignificant wrapping but in the right situation, they ignite and show how amazing, extraordinary, and beautiful each of us is. No wonder it’s loved by the queer community, once we come out, others see we’re bright and beautiful. The video features a scene in which two boys passionately kiss. And the lyrics “after the hurricane comes a rainbow” fits because rainbows are tied to the LGBTQ community. Katy Perry dedicated this song to the “It Gets Better” video campaign aimed at gay youth who may feel alone or suicidal.

2010 - Teenage Dream : Glee Cast - This song being sung by one boy for another was a big moment on a big TV show.

2010 - F**kin’ Perfect : P!nk - With all the negative messages we grow up hearing about our gender identity or sexual orientation, it’s so affirming to hear “Don’t you ever ever feel like your less than, less than perfect”

2011 - Born This Way : Lady Gaga - Many songs hint at queer identities and acceptance by using metaphors, but not this one, it is direct. “No matter gay, straight, or bi, lesbian, transgender life, I’m on the right track, baby, I was born to survive.”

2011 – Mean : Taylor Swift – This is an anti-bullying public service announcement. Even more than others, Queer kids are subject to bullying, so a song addressing the topic resonates. And then there’s a lyric about moving to the big city, which for us can be understood as a place where it’s safe to be gay. “Someday I’ll be living in a big old city, and all you’re ever going to be is mean.”

2011 - Americano : Lady Gaga - This song is about the unjust laws that exist in America, particularly regarding immigration and gay rights. The scenario is she falls in love with a girl from East L.A. (heavily Hispanic population) but can’t marry due to the laws prohibiting gay marriage. As to the “I don’t speak your Americano, I don’t speak your language oh no, I don’t speak your Jesus Cristo” I think it’s rejecting the religious rhetoric used to justify the laws.

2011 – Call Me Maybe : Carly Rae Jepsen - The video begins with Carly Rae spying on her attractive neighbor as he is working on his lawn. She tries to get his attention with various provocative poses only for her neighbor to give his phone number to Carly Rae’s male band mate

2011 - We Found Love : Rihanna - Finding love in a hopeless place, for many queer people this can be what it’s like in a heteronormative society, or when we’re in the closet and find someone. Or also that hard transition to accept & love yourself, and then going from that to hoping to find someone.

2011 - Take a Bow : Matt Alber - A beautiful, heartfelt cover of the 1994 Madonna song with just a guitar for accompaniment. With an openly gay man singing the words, it transforms this into a gay love song.

2011 – Titanium : David Guetta feat. Sia – The openly queer singer Sia wrote this song about enduring everything the world throws at you and coming out stronger

2012 - Starships : Nikki Minaj - The lyric "starships are meant to fly," is a line about reaching one's full potential in life. A great song to sing when needing motivation to just go for it and not let other people’s ideas or judgements box you in. Nikki has been an ally to the queer community. On MTV she encouraged her gay fans to be fighters and to be brave, and she canceled a concert in Saudi Arabia to show support for women and LGBT+ people in the country.

2012 – Thinkin About You : Frank Ocean – Just before this song was released, Frank Ocean came out. There haven’t been many hip-hop stars who are openly gay. And it got me wondering who it is he’s been thinking about?

2012 - Same Love : Macklemore & Ryan Lewis - I have a nephew who got called gay for wearing stylish clothes, being neat, and interested in art & music. He had a hard time accepting that his uncle (me) is gay because of his experience, and it made me think of this song.

2012 - I Wanna Dance with Somebody (Who Loves Me) : Matt Alber - A gay man singing the big Whitney Houston hit about wanting to dance with someone.

2012 - Wings : Little Mix - Little Mix is a British girl band well-known for being LGBTQ Allies and including LGBTQ themes in their songs. Wings is about believing in yourself and not letting anyone put you down, a message that resonates with their LGBTQ fans.

2012 - Let’s have a Kiki : Scissor Sisters - A drag performer is heading out to put on a show, but when she arrives at the club it’s been shut down by the police. So she calls up a friend and announces “We’re coming over and having a kiki.”

2012 - Closer : Tegan and Sara - Not many bands are made up of twin lesbian sisters. This song is really cute. The lyrics are about the anticipation before the kiss, before anything gets physical.

2012 - For All : Far East Movement - As the fight for marriage equality was taking place, this group sang “Love is for all. Life is for all. Dreams are for all. Hope is for all. Feel the love from everybody in the crowd now, this is for y’all, this is for all.” The video intersperses some uplifting words from President Obama.

2012 - They Don’t Know About Us : One Direction - People tell a couple they shouldn’t be together and that their love isn’t real. Sound like something a queer couple might hear? In the song, no one can stop them, they’re together for life. Also, people thought this song might have been hinting about Larry Stylinson (Louis & Harry).

2012 – Somebody Loves You : Betty Who - The song keeps saying “somebody loves you,” and that somebody is the person singing the song. Most people discovered this song from a viral video of a gay marriage proposal at a Salt Lake City Home Depot

2013 - Lay Me Down : Sam Smith - A melancholy song with a video to match of a husband being buried and Sam saying to also Lay Me Down. But then Sam reminisces about a happier, more blissful time–their gay wedding that was held at the same church.

2013 - People Like Us : Kelly Clarkson - the song is about all the people who are brave enough to challenge the social norms to bring about change in the world. These words in particular strike me, “this is the life that we choose” and “come out, come out if you dare.”

2013 - Popular Song : MIKA feat. Ariana Grande - This is an imaginative updating of the song “Popular” from the musical Wicked. The lyrics are about how being popular and cool in school isn’t enough, and those who bullied others grow up to not be so popular. In other words, the tables will turn, you’ll need more to be successful than being popular.

2013 - Brave : Sara Bareilles - Sara wrote this song of courage as a love letter to a friend who was struggling as an adult to come out as gay.

2013 - Q.U.E.E.N. : Janelle Monáe - The title is an acronym for Queer, Untouchables, Emigrants, Excommunicated, and Negroid. The song is about the empowerment of oppressed people. Monáe uses a question-answer format to explain stereotypes, misconceptions, and oppression.

2013 - Cameron : Jilette Johnson - The song is inspired by a real life Cameron the singer knew & loved. Cameron is a young gender-non-conforming person who isn’t accepted by their family or society. The singer repeats, over and over, that Cameron isn’t the alien the world thinks they are – “Cameron, you’re a star, a light where there is dark. And you’re a hundred times a woman, a hundred times the man that they are.”

2013 - All Night : Icona Pop - The song is about expressing yourself, and that life gets better and we will find ourselves dancing. The video is about the LGBT house ballroom subculture.

2013 - She Keeps Me Warm : Mary Lambert - A beautiful song about how women can love each other, protect each other and desire each other. And the lyrics “not crying on Sundays,” I think means not believing the damning words preached by religion about being gay

2013 – Take Me to Church : Hozier - This is a ode to worshiping in the bedroom. Hozier is an outspoken LGBTQ ally and the music video depicts two gay men being ripped apart by homophobic violence in Russia. It brought international attention to the anti-gay laws in Russia.

2013 - Work Bitch : Britney Spears - The things you want in life are attainable but you gotta focus and work. Britney wrote this song with her gay friends in mind. “I don’t call everyone… that word. I just use it as, it’s like in respect to the gays as a term of endearment.”

2013 - Girls/Girls/Boys : Panic! At the Disco - There is a love triangle between a boy and two girls, and the boy is being played off against a girl for the other girl’s attention. Pansexual rock star Brendon Urie sings “Girls love girls and boys. Love is not a choice.”

2013 - Follow Your Arrow : Kacey Musgraves - “kiss lots of boys – or kiss lots of girls, if that’s something you’re into.” It's sad that a one-liner about kissing whoever you like is still controversial in Country music today, but I love her poking holes in that genre’s homophobia.

2013 - Let It Go : Idina Menzel - From the movie Frozen, this song says to abandon the fear and shame, be yourself, be powerful. The lyrics could almost come from an It Gets Better video about embracing who you are. And these lines are how it feels after some time has passed and we look back at our coming out experience: “It’s funny how some distance makes everything seem small. And the fears that once controlled me, can’t get to me at all”

2014 - Sleeping with a Friend : Neon Trees - Glenn Tyler says he was thinking of a straight male friend when he wrote this (but used female pronouns in the song). It’s an unusual love song because it’s a cautionary tale of hooking up with someone you’re close with.

2014 - Rise Like a Phoenix - Conchita Wurst - The lyrics are about combating prejudice and the judgement of others in modern society. Conchita won Eurovision singing this song while wearing a gown, makeup and a beard.

2014 – Stay With Me : Sam Smith – One night Sam fell for someone, but they didn't feel the same. Good ol’ unrequited love. Sam used this music video to come out as gay by admitting the person being sung about is a man.

2014 - Sissy that Walk : RuPaul - A perfect walkway song for all those drag queens, and any of the rest of us, who want to strut what we got

2014 - Really Don’t Care : Demi Levato - The video starts off with Lovato expressing her support for the LGBTQ community and saying that “My Jesus loves all.” The music starts and Levato is singing at a Pride parade. Demi said “When I thought of the lyrics ‘really don’t care’, it made me think of bullying, and made me think of the LGBTQ community, who deal with that so often, but they accept themselves.”

2014 - Break Free : Ariana Grande feat. Zedd - Ariana’s older brother is gay and she grew up around his friends, she’s an ally. And the words of this song, “I’m stronger than I’ve been before. This is the part when I break free ’cause I can’t resist it no more” has the theme often found in gay anthems--that things are tough, but I’m tougher and going to make it. Breaking free of what the world wants you to be to become who you truly are has made this song a coming-out anthem.

2014 - Secrets : Mary Lambert - We grow up hiding things about ourselves, we all have secrets, but how much better when we don’t care if the world knows our secrets. “They tell us from the time we’re young to hide the things that we don’t like about ourselves inside ourselves. I know I’m not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else. Well I’m over it”

2014 - Feeling Good : George Michael - This is the final song released by George before his death. It expresses a particular kind of joy which comes with liberation from oppression. Nina Simone’s stunning vocal performance of this song in the 1960’s during the Civil Rights movement made it a manifesto of that movement’s burning desire for freedom. And then here is George Michael, a gay man, and the song is born again as a desire for the queer community to be liberated from oppression.

2014 - Centuries : Fall Out Boy - Peter Wentz, one of the co-writers of this song, says the idea is a “David vs.Goliath story” meant to empower people who are a little weird. Justin Tranter, another of the co-writers, revealed in 2018 that trans pioneer Marsha P. Johnson was the inspiration for the song. When making the announcement, Tranter said, “I want every LGBTQ person to know that our ideas are mainstream. We have stories to tell and people will f*cking listen”

2014 - Put ‘Em Up : Priory - The song begins with a religious mom saying her trans kid has some kind of sickness. The mom may not be happy, but “we're hangin' with the boys that look like girls tonight” and “we're hangin' with the girls that look like boys alright”. The video features trans & gay people.

2014 - Jessie’s Girl : Mary Lambert - This is a remake of the 1981 hit song by Rick Springfield, but now it’s a woman longing for Jessie’s girl.

2014 - First Time He Kissed a Boy : Kadie Elder - This is about recognizing your sexual orientation at a young age and the difficulties that can follow. Being a teen isn’t easy and the choices teens have to make aren’t easy, but if you are brave enough and stand up for yourself, you might shock others but you might also become happy. It has a gay-positive video that tells the story in a touching way.

2014 - Welcome to New York : Taylor Swift - An insecure girl falls in love with a city where you can want who you want. “When we first dropped our bags on apartment floors, took our broken hearts, put them in a drawer. Everybody here was someone else before, and you can want who you want: boys and boys and girls and girls”

2014 - Little Game : Benny - Many people may know Benny from his YouTube channel. Little Games is about the ways in which rigid concepts of gender still dictate our behavior today. I think the creepy and catchy melody & video are a good match for the lyrics “play our little game"

2015 - All-American Boy : Steve Grand - A Country song that tells the story of a gay young man in love with a straight male friend.

2015 - Don’t Wait : Joey Graceffa - Joey is a well-known YouTube personality and with this song he came out. The song says to not wait for the world to get ready but to go explore and find what you’re looking for. The video is the adorable queer fairy tale we’ve all been waiting for. I love these lyrics, “The darkness can be such a lonely place on your own, I’ll be your compass so you’ll never feel alone.”

2015 - Calling Me : Aquilo - Growing up, we all grapple with who we are and who we want to become. We all go through a period of being unsure of our personality, creativity and perhaps even our sexuality. We have to battle to not be defined by what others think of us, but to believe in ourselves. It’s a battle we’ve all had to fight. In the video, the singer learns to stay strong, keep his head high and accept who he is, even if others can’t.

2015 - Good Guys : MIKA - Mika plays off the 1997 Paula Cole hit “Where Have all the Cowboys Gone” but instead asks “Where have all the gay guys gone?“ Mika shifts “gay guys” to “good guys” and lists his queer heroes who helped him get to where he is, while also looking forward to what the future holds for the LGBTQ community.

2015 - Body was Made : Ezra Furman - Ezra says this “is a protest song against the people and forces that would make me ashamed of my body, my gender and my sexuality.” This song’s message is taking ownership of your own body and identity, and not letting anybody else interfere with that. Furman identifies as trans and bisexual, and uses he/him and she/her pronouns

2015 - No Place in Heaven : MIKA - He’s singing about how there’s no place in heaven for gay people. “Father, won’t you forgive me for my sins? Father, if there’s a heaven let me in”

2015 - Girls Like Girls : Hayley Kiyoko - This was Hayley’s unofficial coming out as a lesbian and in this song she sings that “Girls like girls like boys do, nothing new” The video has some images of violence as a boy is angry that his girlfriend likes girls, but in the end the lesbians win.

2015 - Cool for the Summer : Demi Levato - She is curious and has a woman she’s gonna spend the summer exploring with. “Got a taste for the cherry and I just need to take a bite.”

2015 – Run Away with Me : Carly Rae Jepson - Carly Rae sings about getting away with someone for the weekend. Whether it’s just that your schedules have kept you busy or you have to keep this secret (“I’ll be your sinner in secret”), it’s very romantic. Oh, and lack of gendered pronouns makes it even more relatable to the queer community.

2015 - Alive : Sia - The song is about someone who had a tough life, but says “I’m still breathing, I’m alive.” It is the personification of resilience and perseverance.

2015 - Youth : Troye Sivan - It’s a really beautiful song about giving the best years of yourself to someone you love. The video features gay couples.

2015 - Genghis Khan : Mike Snow - This video surprised me the first time I saw it. A James Bond-type hero & villain fall for each other.

2016 - Unstoppable : Sia - Instead of just surviving, Sia is going to prove to people that she’s going to succeed. And like her, this song helps us put our armor on so we also feel strong and get through the day and smash through barricades.

2016 - Secret Love Song : Little Mix - Secret Love Song could be heard as being about the struggles faced by LGBTQ people when coming to terms with their sexuality and showing affection in public. I especially like the Secret Love Song, Part II version as the video makes clear the LGBTQ meaning.

2016 – Formation : Beyoncé – At the GLAAAD Media Awards, Beyoncé used the lyrics from this Black-power anthem to advocate for gay rights when she said “LGBTQIA rights are human rights. To choose who you love is your human right. How you identify and see yourself is your human right. Who you make love to and take that ass to Red Lobster is your human right,”

2016 - Son of a Preacher Man : Tom Goss - This 1968 song gets a surprising gay update. The video tells the story of two gay teens struggling to understand their sexuality and feelings for one another while operating within the confines of an evangelical church.

2016 - Boyfriend : Tegan and Sara - This song tells the exhausting story of someone you’re basically dating, but they won’t come out in the open and admit it because they’re scared, confused, and insecure about their sexuality. “I don’t wanna be your secret anymore.”

2016 - I Am What I Am : Ginger Minj - This song is from a Broadway show about drag queens. The message is you only get one life so take your shots, whether or not they succeed, it’s better to live your life authentically as who you are. And I love this video featuring Drag Queens from RuPaul’s Drag Race.

2016 - The Greatest : Sia - Dedicated to the LGBTQ community in the wake of the Pulse shooting, Sia begs us to not give up and to still follow our dreams. The video features 49 dancers, one for each victim of the shooting. The song celebrates the spirit of being defiant and trying to be the best you can be in the face of adversity, which is something the LGBTQ community have managed to do for many decades. Yet despite the uplifting, catchy music and lyrics, there’s also a sense of tragedy about how that spirit and potential came to an abrupt end for the victims of the shooting.

2016 - G.D.M.M.L. Grls : Tyler Glenn - Despite the best efforts by this gay man to make church work, it didn’t work out because God Didn’t Make Me Like Girls.

2016 - Heaven : Troye Sivan feat. Betty Who - Troye sings candidly about what it’s like for a religious teenager to come out as gay. “Without losing a piece of me, how do I get to heaven? Without changing a part of me, how do I get to heaven? All my time is wasted, feeling like my heart’s mistaken, oh, so if I’m losing a piece of me, maybe I don’t want heaven?” Troye explains “When I first started to realise that I might be gay, I had to ask myself all these questions—these really really terrifying questions. Am I ever going to find someone? Am I ever going to be able to have a family? If there is a God, does that God hate? If there is a heaven, am I ever going to make it to heaven?” The video features footage from LGBTQ protests throughout history.

2016 - Devil : Tyler Glenn - A song that highlights the conflict between religious belief and queerness. “I found myself when I lost my faith” and not being able to “pray the gay away.” The constant in his world, what he’s anchoring himself to, is that his mom still loves him, and I love that because studies show the acceptance & love of a parent makes a huge difference when someone comes out.

2016 - Midnight : Tyler Glenn - The Neon Trees frontman gives an emotional song about his departure from the Mormon church, but not from God. The ballad is accompanied by a video that shows Glenn removing his religious garments and replacing them with a glittering jacket.

2016 – I Know a Place : MUNA – This is a song of safety & nonviolence, which is important to the LGBTQ community as there’s many times we don’t feel safe being open about who we are and who we love. All three members of MUNA are queer. This song came out around the time of the Pulse nightclub shooting in Orlando which shattered that feeling of safety people thought they had in queer bars, clubs and spaces where we don’t have to hide who we are and should be free to be ourselves.

2016 - Boys Will Be Boys : Benny - The phrase “Boys will be boys” is typically used to excuse toxic masculinity, but this song turns it on its head. Benny wants “boys will be boys” to mean each person is different and doesn’t need to follow specific gender roles. Whatever a boy is, that’s what a boy will be.

2017 - Believer : Imagine Dragons - The adversity you come across in life is what helps you grow to become a “believer” in yourself. "Oh let the bullets fly, oh let them rain / My life, my love, my drive, it came from / Pain / You made me a, you made me a believer, believer." This song was being written around the time of the election of Donald Trump, and one of the co-writers, Justin Tranter, expressed fear about the future. This song is the result--speak our truth no matter what comes our way.

2017 - You Will Be Found : Ben Platt - This song from Dear Evan Hansen means a lot to me. There’s a gay teen who says this is our song because I found him when he most needed help. But for everyone, this song is hopeful that when you need it, someone will be there for you.

2017 - Symphony : Clean Bandit - As a musician, I really like the imagery of the lyrics--Before all I heard was silence by now with you I’m hearing symphonies, “And now your song is on repeat, and I’m dancin’ on to your heartbeat. And when you’re gone, I feel incomplete.” The video shows a loving queer black couple torn apart by catastrophe and a reminder that music & art are a way for us to deal with grief and celebrate our loved ones.

2017 - 1-800-273-8255 : Logic - This is a song about a closeted guy who is suicidal and calls a help line. The operator wants him to be alive and helps save him in that moment.

2017 - Bad Liar : Selena Gomez - The video portrays a love triangle (with each character played by Selena)–a curious high school student, seductive gym coach and a male teacher. Towards the end of the video, the high school student sings the line, “With my feelings on fire, guess I’m a bad liar,” as she looks at a photo of the gym teacher. It’s a scene that shows the fear & bravery of acknowledging and declaring our sexuality—a moment many queer people know

2017 - Love is Love is Love : LeeAnn Rimes - This song celebrates the LGBTQ community. Rimes said that “A ‘Pride’ celebration is a living thing. It is breathing authenticity. It’s a space we hold for one another, a place to come into what our souls move us to be, it’s a place in love and only love,” adding “That’s why the LGBTQ community continues to inspire me and enliven my spirit every time I perform for them.”

2017 - Swish Swish : Katy Perry - A song about fighting against bullies, “Swish Swish” uses basketball metaphors to talk about overcoming hateful people and thriving. That’s a theme that LGBTQ+ people can identify with.

2017 - If They Only Knew : Alfie Arcuri - The song is of a previous relationship where Arcuri’s ex-partner’s parents didn’t know he was gay. Arcuri explained “We were together for a couple of years and half way through the relationship he came out. The song is almost like a diary entry for me telling his parents how innocent our love and relationship was because to them I was like the devil who turned their son gay. It wasn’t like that at all though, it was a beautiful love.” The video is a short film that shows one guy in the closet and his friend helping him see it’s okay to be gay.

2017 - Power : Little Mix - Willam, Alaska and Courtney Act from RuPaul’s Drag Race are featured in this video. The song is about gender politics in a relationship.

2017 - Cut to the Feeling : Carly Rae Jepson - This is a song about liking someone and wanting to skip past all the awkward introductions and just get to the feelings where they’re being real with each other, dancing together and celebrating love. That already works as a queer song, and then add to it this viral video by Mark Kanemura. When she played at a Pride celebration, Carly Rae had Mark reenact his dance to the song

2017 - The Village : Wrabel - Just because transphobia is common, it doesn’t mean it is right or that you are wrong. There’s a line in the song that hits me hard, “One line in the Bible isn’t worth a life.” And the video is beautiful, very poignant and it breaks my heart and gives me hope.

2017 - Heaven : State of Sound - A remake of the 1984 Bryan Adams song which was a standard love song of a boy and a girl. However, there were no gendered pronouns in the song and State of Sound’s video shows it works just as well for all sorts of queer couples

2017 - Bad at Love : Halsey - Halsey flips through all the guys and girls she’s dated in an attempt to understand why she hasn’t yet found love. Queen of bisexual relatability!

2017 - Feelings : Hayley Kiyoko - This song is about having a crush on someone. The video has Hayley chasing after a girl

2017 - This is Me : Keala Settle - The song from The Greatest Showman sings of resilience in the face of hardship — which, after all, is what Pride is all about. “Another round of bullets hits my skin. Well, fire away ’cause today, I won’t let the shame sink in”

2017 - HIM : Sam Smith - This is a song about a boy in Mississippi coming out and the conflict between his sexuality and his religious upbringing and how he is grappling with the feeling that there’s no place in religion for him because he’s gay. And the “Him” being sung is used both for God and for a boy he likes.

2017 - A Million Dreams : P!nk - this song from The Greatest Showman is about the power of positive thinking, faith and believing in your dreams. For queer people, it’s a reminder that we are building a better world.

2017 - This is Me : Kesha - A great cover of the song from The Greatest Showman.

2018 - My My My! : Troye Sivan - Troye said “'My My My!’ is a song of liberation, freedom, and love. “Throw all inhibition to the wind, be present in your body, love wholeheartedly, move the way you’ve always wanted to, and dance the way you feel”

2018 - Curious : Hayley Kiyoko - “Curious” is a term used in the LGBTQ community to express same-sex experimentation. In the song Hayley uses it to ask, “I’m just curious, is it serious?” Hayley says she wrote the song about a past relationship with a closeted woman, as well as various romantic experiences with women who were unsure about their sexuality

2018 - Perfect : Alex G - This cover of the Ed Sheeran song is beautiful. And because Alex doesn’t change the pronouns, it’s a very sweet lesbian love song.

2018 - Only You : Cheat Codes & Little Mix - A video with a lesbian mermaid? Yes, please!

2018 - Make Me Feel : Janelle Monáe - Sexuality is simply how a person makes you feel, regardless of gender. The music video for ”Make Me Feel” features Janelle crawling between women’s legs and grinding up on both a male and female love interest under bisexual lighting.

2018 - Sanctify : Years & Years - This song is about a relationship the singer had with a straight man. “On the one hand, the guy is struggling with his sexuality and feeling unable to express himself as anything other than straight while also desiring me. I’m on the other side feeling like both a sinner and saint or a devil and angel, leading this guy down a path of ‘sinfulness’ while, at the same time, helping him explore his sexuality.“

2018 - Kiss the Boy : Keiynan Lonsdale - While he doesn’t ascribe to a specific label in terms of his sexuality, Keiynan is openly attracted to both genders – and in Love, Simon, he played the enigmatic Blue, love interest of Simon. The video is adorable & super-inclusive

2018 - Never Been In Love : Will Jay - It’s such a great bop and I have loved Will Jay since his IM5 days, and this seems perfect for my ace/aro friends. “I’m not missing out so don’t ask me again. Thanks for your concern, but here’s the thing, I’ve never been in love and it’s all good”

2018 - PYNK : Janelle Monáe - Monáe says the color pink “unites all of humanity” because it is the color “found in the deepest and darkest nooks and crannies of humans everywhere.” The video finds Monáe and Tessa Thompson (her girlfriend at the time) along with a group of other women dancing in a desert, having a slumber party and sitting out by a pool while expressing appreciation for the vagina, including some iconic pussy pants. Truly a testament to the power of pink.

2018 - High Hopes : Panic! At the Disco - Brendon Urie says the uplifting message of “High Hopes” is “No matter how hard your dreams seem, keep going.” The lyrics say “It's uphill for oddities,” which is how it can feel being queer in a heteronormative world, but “don't give up, it's a little complicated.” It’s complicated but doable. Urie created the Highest Hopes Foundation, an organization that assists nonprofit organizations in human rights efforts across the globe. “I want to join in on the fight for those who cannot fight for themselves. This is dedicated to all people and communities who are subject to discrimination or abuse on the basis of gender, race, religion, sexual orientation and gender identity.” The foundation donated $1 million dollars to Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network (GLSEN) to establish Gay-Straight Alliance clubs at high schools across the United States.

2018 - All Things : Betty Who - This is the theme song for the wildly popular Netflix show Queer Eye.

2018 - Dance to This : Troye Sivan (feat. Ariana Grande) - According to Sivan, the song is about “that moment when you feel like you’ve been to enough house parties or events, and staying home, making out in the kitchen and cooking dinner sounds like a much, much better alternative”

2018 – Boys : Lizzo – Lizzo sings a song about all the boys she loves, and plenty of gay boys sing along and cheer when reaching the lyrics “From the playboys to the gay boys. Go and slay, boys, you my fave boys”

2018 - Promises : Calvin Harris, Sam Smith - The music video is a glittery homage to vogueing and drag ballroom culture.

2018 - Bloom : Troye Sivan - Our first mainstream pop song about bottoming. This song is a thinly veiled description of Troye losing his virginity “I bloom, I bloom, just for you.” Or maybe it’s just about flowers.

2018 - No Matter What : Calum Scott - This is a lovely song about a son coming out to his mom and her responding that she loves him no matter what. “I just want you to be happy and always be who you are.” She wrapped her arms around me, said, "Don’t try to be what you’re not ‘cause I love you no matter what”

2018 - Old Town Road : Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus - Lil Nas had the biggest hit song ever and came out as gay, and now his choice in cowboy apparel makes sense

2019 - Juice : Lizzo - Lizzo’s message of radical self-love that celebrates the beauty of being different has earned her a huge queer following. Her work is inspired by the difficulty she felt growing up in a world that told her that she did not fit in. She now spreads a message of acceptance and love. “Juice,” is upbeat and fun, full of confidence-boosting lyrics. She made a video for “Juice,” featuring Drag Race alumni.

2019 - Rainbow : Kacey Musgrave - The song is about hope that the bad times will one day be over. Musgraves hopes it will serve as an anthem for those facing adversity, particularly in the LGBTQ community. “I feel a kinship and a friendship with that community. They really opened my eyes up to a lot of different things that I wasn’t aware of growing up in a small town in Texas. I will always be an ally and a strong supporter. ‘Rainbow’ is something that I can dedicate to that community, but also to anyone who has any kind of a weight on their shoulders."

2019 - ME! : Taylor Swift (feat. Brandon Urie) - This is a campy, bubbly song about embracing one’s individuality. "I’m the only one of me and that’s the fun of me.”

2019 - Nails, Hair, Hips, Heels : Todrick Hall - A fun song and video about being who you are and using that to strut and slay

2019 - Love Yourself : Sufjan Stevens - The lyrics are asking us to love ourselves and to show the reasons we believe in ourselves. I especially like this imagery “Make a shelf. Put all the things on that you believe in.” This song was specifically released for Pride month.

2019 - You Need to Calm Down : Taylor Swift - an entire verse that’s literally about going to a Pride parade. The video features a large number of celebrity cameos, many of whom are LGBTQ, including Queer Eye's Fab Five, figure skater Adam Rippon, singer Adam Lambert, television personality Ellen DeGeneres, entertainers Billy Porter and RuPaul, and numerous Drag Queens from RuPaul's Drag Race who in the video impersonate famous women.

2019 - Higher Love : Kygo & Whitney Houston - Whitney recorded a cover of the Steve Winwood song “Higher Love,” but only released it in Japan. The Houston estate selected the DJ Kygo to remix Whitney’s version of the song. Kygo embued it with all the EDM sounds you’d expect from a 2019 dance song and debuted the song at Pride in New York City

2019 - American Boy : Years & Years - A cover of the Kanye & Estelle song, sung by Olly Alexander, a gay man, who is the lead singer for the band Years & Years. With Olly singing, this makes the song about one guy crushing on another guy

2019 - Tiny Love : MIKA - Mika said that he wanted to capture the idea that love can feel enormous, "yet at the same time it’s so tiny and imperceivable to others.” True love is not “a sunrise over canyons shaped like hearts,” or “bursting into song in Central Park.” Rather, it’s “a ‘still-there-Monday-morning’ kind of love.”

2019 - I Rise : Madonna - This song was made specifically to honor the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall riots, and to inspire marginalized people to stand up and fight. It is about resilience, of surviving and rising up from adversity. The video includes footage of Parkland H.S. shooting survivors, LGBTQ supporters, women’s rights protesters, Olympic gymnast Aly Raisman’s testimony about sexual abuse and other social justice movements

2019 - I Feel Love : Sam Smith - Sam remakes the 1977 classic from Donna Summer, a song about loving your body and your desires. The high notes on this song are so exciting

2019 - Show Yourself : Idina Menzel, Evan Rachel Wood - This song from Frozen 2 is about Elsa being ready to be vulnerable and bare her soul. This song has been adopted by the queer community as a coming out anthem.

2019 - Believe : Adam Lambert - A remake of the 1998 song by Cher that is embraced by many LGBTQ people, and it’s absolutely gorgeous

2020 - I’m Ready (with Demi Lovato) : Sam Smith - The song is about being ready for a new love. The video is basically the Glam Olympics

#PRIDE playlist

99 notes · View notes

rome5683 · 3 years

Text

My Secret Mate - Chapter Three

My body was warm all over. I squeezed them tighter to me, savoring the feeling it gave me to feel them against me. It was peaceful, and exciting at the same time. I groggily opened my eyes as I smelled something too delectable that caused a stir in my loins. My breath hitched, seeing his neck right against my lips. His scent was so amazing to me. I could feel my inner wolf stir, Mate. Mark him. He's ready, he's here. Just for us.

Mate or not, he's not our property. He should choose when to be marked, and when to take the next step in being mated. Calm down, Sirius. I took a deep breath, trying to soothe myself back into sleep. But I was suddenly aware of everything about Seth's body pressed into mine, so I got up. I regretted it the minute I got up, because the cold replacing him was blunt.

I ran a hand through my hair, and suddenly winced at the small headache that I felt in the back of my head. It wasn't that bad. As a werewolf, I had supernatural healing and it would go away very soon, which was also why I wasn't that drunk last night. But when Seth woke up, it would probably hurt him a lot more. I could feel Sirius frown at the idea of him in pain.

Protect him, help him. Help mate. I agreed, and walked downstairs. I was surprised to see the house wasn't that much of a mess. I walked into the living room to see Monsè picking up some cups here and there, and I could hear Lance cleaning in the kitchen.

"Hey, what happened after I went to bed?"

She gave me a hesitant face, almost as if contemplating what to say. "Well, Trent got super drunk and came onto Lindsay, which got him a painful shove. Then Bella got super sad and tried to get me to help her look for you, but then I saw you with... that guy."

My eyes widened, "Oh. Yeah, um, he's... wait, what exactly did you see?"

Her face reddened, looking away. "Well, I saw you guys kissing, and I immediately closed the door."

I blushed, feeling embarrassed about her seeing me that way. "Um, well. Did Bella see-"

"Are you gay?" Her question knocked me off balance, and I considered it for a second. Was I? I certainly wasn't attracted to anyone else anymore, but I still could appreciate women's bodies, as well as appreciate men's.

I shrugged, looking forwards the floor, "I think I'm bisexual. I don't know, everyone always assumes straight is the default. I guess, I assumed that too. But when I think about it... men can be attractive to me too."

I looked up to her nodding and going back to cleaning, and raised an eyebrow. "You don't care?"

She rolled her eyes, "Why should I? I only asked because I was curious why you'd make out with some random guy instead of Bella. And even though we're supposed to be super social as werewolves or whatever, you're not always one to go out of your comfort zone-"

"He's my mate."

She looked at me like a deer caught in headlights, showing how the new information was shocking. But then her face went back to its neutral expression, "Oh. That makes sense." Then her eyes widened, "Wait. Your mate's human?"

I nodded, "Yeah."

She winced, "Oof. I wouldn't wanna be you."

I frowned, a growl building up in my throat. "My mate is perfect for me, human or not."

She shook her head, "That's not what I meant. You're gonna have to mark him, and then that'll turn him, and make him go into heat if he hasn’t already. That's a lot of pain to go through for the both of you, especially the turning part."

This piece of information hit me like a ton of bricks. I remembered the first time I heard about it from the other wolves' gossip, about how one of the human mates had been going through the change and was in so much pain. I guess I was too confident about having a werewolf mate, that I forgot about what it meant to have a human mate.

I tried not to think about it as I went to the kitchen to get two cups of water. Lance raised an eyebrow at me as I entered, "So, your mate's a human guy?"

I hesitated, wondering where this was going. "Yeah, last time I checked."

"That's cool. So, he likes you back and everything. I mean, you guys kissed so that must mean he likes you."

I nodded, feeling a little sheepish. "Well, I hope so. We did talk a lot too so..."

He huffed, "Okay. Well, I have a friend..."

I tried to restrain my grin, and he rolled his eyes at me. "It's not me."

I withheld my laugh, feigning that I believed him as I nodded for him to continue.

"And this friend... he kissed his friend, a guy. But now his friend has been ignoring him... and my friend doesn't know why. I think it's cause my friend usually plays around a lot with girls, but maybe his friend doesn't like him the same way?"

I thought for a second, thinking how complicated it must be for him and Keith. "Sounds complicated. Maybe they should have a deep talk? Get everything off their chests."

Lance nodded, going back to washing the dishes while lost in thought. I filled two glasses with water before going back upstairs. I walked back into my room to see Seth on the phone, and I handed him his glass of water.

He looked up, his face still looking amazing with exhaustion tracing his features. His blush was entertaining to see, and I grinned.

"Mornin', beautiful."

He shook his head slightly as he drank his water, groaning. "That alcohol hit me hard."

I shrugged, "You weren't exactly super drunk, though."

"I don't get crazy, or anything. But the hangover is regrettable..."

"Oh." I went over to my bathroom, getting him some Tylenol from my mirror's cabinet. I walked over, feeling glad to be able to help his headache. "Here. It'll help."

Seth nodded, drinking the tablet down with water. I went over to my bedside table, grabbing my phone and checking the time. It was already ten in the morning, which was pretty late considering I woke up extra early everyday for school. "Any plans for today?"

He shook his head, "Not really, it is a Saturday. I was planning to stay at home and watch Netflix for the majority of it. Luckily, my mom's away on business, so she can't freak out about me being away last night."

"But your curfew-"

"I was just supposed to call her when I got home.”

"That's good, I guess. Wanna stay for breakfast?" I went to my closet, taking off my clothes from last night.

"Ye-Yeah. I don't really have much else to do..."

I pulled on some black joggers and a white tee. I pulled off my earrings, necklaces, and rings on my small jewelry stand. I glanced in the mirror, hoping my appearance was okay. I suddenly heard a loud heartbeat, and I looked over to see Seth's reddened face and wide eyes that were scanning me up and down.

I couldn't help the pride that came over myself when I saw the effect I had on him, "You okay?

He nodded, taking a deep breath. "Yeah. Um, I just couldn't help but notice you have a lot of defined... structure in your body."

I shrugged with a coy smile, sitting on the bed next to him, "I guess it's the genes."

"Mm." He bit his lip, and shook his head. "So, about last night-"

Monsè burst through the door, "MOM'S ALMOST HOME!" She ran over to me and Seth, dragging us by the hand to the living room. "YOU GUYS ARE HELPING!"

I nodded with a small gulp, suddenly remembering how much Monsè could be as scary as Mom sometimes. Seth got a broom out as I picked up the bigger pieces of trash on the floor, and when we were done with that, we cleaned the furniture for stains and crumbs of food. Monsè tidied up and re-arranged everything back to how it was, like the decor in the living room and the kitchen, as well as the photos in the hallway. Lance and I placed the audio and lights system in the garage, deciding it'd go there until Lindsay would come pick it up. I fell on the couch, sighing in exhaustion after an hour of cleaning. I could hear Seth and Monsè in the kitchen, making small talk as they both cooked breakfast. Lance sat beside me, "So does sex with a guy feel better than when it's with a girl?"

I sighed, feeling a sliver of offense and amusement at my brother's stupidity. "Have you even had sex with a girl?"

"Well-"

"Nope. You haven't. Because if you did, you wouldn't ask such a stupid question, Lance."

"Why is it stupid? It's a legitimate question-"

I felt exasperated, "Dude, I don't know. I haven't had sex with either gender, and I don't plan to have sex in general unless my mate says he'd like to."

"But, didn't he spend the night-"

"Which meant nothing. He stayed the night, and we slept. Literally. He's a human, remember? Most humans don't just sleep with someone right after meeting them, mates or not."

"Uh, I feel like that's not entirely true-"

"Lance." I gave him a deadpanned stare, "I really can't talk about this right now."

He gave me a knowing smile, "Sirius acting up?"

I cursed, hearing my wolf howl at the idea of mating Seth. "Like no tomorrow."

If you really cared about our mate, Sirius, you'd wait until he was ready.

I'm just excited. Leave me be.

You first.

"Yeah, I get you. Landon just loses his shit every birthday that gets closer to finding our mate."

I huffed, "You'll find them soon. Just, don't get too caught up in other people, it could just complicate stuff.

"Like you and Bella?"

I frowned, thinking how she might feel now. I did give her false hope, but hopefully she would take it well. "Yeah. I mean, I don't have feelings, but I know she does. I don't wanna hurt her."

"Seems a little late for that."

The smell of bacon drifted in the air, and my stomach growled. Lance sniffed the air with a groan, "Damn. That smells amazing."

I nodded in agreement as we both got up and walked towards the kitchen. I saw Seth slightly swaying back and forth on the stool as he ate a plate of egg, hash browns, pancakes, and bacon. There were two other plates awaiting on the island, Lance and I sat eagerly as Monsè served herself some milk in a cup.

Seth poured syrup on his pancakes, "Thanks for having me for breakfast, guys."

We all nodded, Monsè poured us cups of milk as she spoke. "What are mates for?"

I glared at her as Seth raised an eyebrow, "Mate?"

Monsè and Lance shared a smirk as she continued, "Yeah, you know. Friends, pals, buddies..."

I seethed, and interrupted quickly, "So what does your mom work in?"

He looked to me, "Oh. She's a social worker. Sometimes she goes to different counties which makes me have the house to myself."

Lance grinned, "Must be fun. You ever throw parties?"

He shook his head with an amused smile, "Not really, I just like to watch Netflix and read books.”

I took another bite of my bacon strip, "I don't usually throw parties but, I figured it'd be cool to have one big one for the special eighteen, you know?"

He nodded, I continued, "When's your birthday, Seth?"

He sipped at his milk, "May."

I was stumped for a second, "Wait. Doesn't that mean you should be-"

"I should've graduated, yeah. I was..." His cheeks reddened, "Held back. Unfairly, might I add."

I chuckled, "What happened?"

My siblings gave him an expectant look, and Seth sighed. "Okay, but you can't laugh."

"Alright."

"So, I was in fifth grade, and on the day of the state test, I got super sick and had an urge to vomit all the time. But it was, like, state tests so I had to go, and when I finished the test, I vomited all over the tests. It was the holes you fill in with bubbles so..."

Monsè gasped, "No."

Lance and I groaned in unison at the embarrassment of it.

"Then, the school and my mom decided I should redo the year over so I can take the test again- which sucked- but it's whatever."

"At least we got to meet."

He looked up, a blush rising to his cheeks. "Yeah, I guess. Listen, I need to talk to you-"

The lock clicked, and everyone but Seth turned to the front door from the kitchen. We could hear them muttering, and I laughed at one of their comments that I could make out.

"It smells like teen desperation in here."

Seth looked at me confused, and I shook my head.

Monsè whacked the back of my head and I winced, pointedly glaring at her. Her loud and scolding voice rang in my head, ‘Could you be any more obvious?’

"Ooh, it smells delicious-" My mom stared with wide eyes at Seth, she hadn't been able to smell him due to the other smells lingering in the house from the party no doubt, and was certainly surprised. She looked at me with a raised eyebrow, "It's okay I'm confused, right? Who is this? You didn't tell me someone was sleeping over."

My father followed in right after, looking at all of us with a confused gaze. "Um, what's going on?"

I scratched the back of my neck, "Mom. Dad, this is my ma-"

Seth interrupted, standing up and extending his hand. "Friend. Seth Truman." His nervous chuckle rang in my mind as I gave him a questioning glance, and even Monsè and Lance looked at me confused. What did he think I would say? Why did it matter? I wondered how much longer I would have to court him in a human way... "Sorry to barge in. I kind of crashed after the party last night."

My mom practically gushed, and looked at me while questioning me through the mind link. ‘Is this your mate?’

I nodded, scratching my neck in slight embarrassment. It wasn't that I was embarrassed of him, hell no. It's just that my mom was very sweet and open, that she was obviously adored with my mate as well, and that she might embarrass me. Who wouldn't be?

"Oh, it's no trouble at all. We're happy to accommodate you." My dad smirked at him from behind my mom as he spoke, and I shook my head in annoyance. My dad gave me a raised brow and I rolled my eyes at his smug expression.

"Ah." Seth chuckled nervously, "Thanks. Your daughter is really good at cooking."

Monsè smirked, and my mom smiled.

"Yeah, she's really big on cooking." I gave him my most charming grin, and he avoided my eyes with a small blush forming on his cheeks. "How about you?"

He looked at Monsè, "So do you always make pancakes from scratch?"

I scowled, and I could hear Sirius whimper in the back of my head. My jaw clenched, and I didn't know whether to be angry or sad. He was sending me mixed signals, and I didn't want that: just tell me everything clearly for fuck's sake. I didn't want to let my anger cloud my judgement, but I also wanted to give him the cold shoulder if he was going to do the same to me.

My mom's hands massaged my shoulders, and I couldn't help but feel calm and relaxed at the notion. I placed my hand over hers and squeezed it, thanking her for the help. My dad was next to us too, hugging her from behind and resting his head on her shoulder. I looked up and smiled softly, talking with them through the mind link, ‘Thanks.’

‘Of course, darling.’

Seth stood up from the barstool, "It was nice for you guys to have me, but I really should be heading home now."

"I'll drive you." I say as I stand up abruptly, and he was about to protest until my sister just patted his shoulder and shook her head. She knew damn well I was too stubborn. He nodded, understanding what she meant.

I took another bite of my plate and told Monsè to save it for me before going upstairs to get a hoodie and my shoes. I came back down in a hurry, and grabbed the keys beside the door, "Seth!"

He came from the hallway after I heard him say his goodbyes to my family, and I opened the door for him chivalrously.

We got in the truck, and I sighed as I sat down. I tried not to glance at him while I made sure the mirrors were okay, and I put on my seatbelt after starting the car. I was hoping to make conversation, so I left the radio off as I pulled out of the driveway. Seth looked out of the window and rested his chin on his hand, and I laughed mentally when I remembered that he'd have to give me his address. I could just drive around until he decided to speak up, and it'd be hilarious. I turned left, and went towards my favorite burger joint.

I glanced at him before speaking up, "So, what is it you wanted to talk to me about?"

I pulled into the burger joint's drive-thru line, awaiting for my turn, and he sighed. "Okay. So about last night, what we did-"

"Was amazing." I smirked at him as I remembered the feeling of his body against mine while we slept. His lips were really nice too.

"It was a mistake." Seth twiddled his thumbs, and I felt a breath escape me. What was he saying? "Look, you're really nice and everything. But I know you and a girl named Bella have something going on, and... I don't want to be caught in the middle."

I cursed inwardly. I couldn't believe I would mess something up like this, and I wondered why I messed with Bella in the first place. Oh, because I didn't want a mate. Well, I changed my mind. I liked him, the feeling of him with me was amazing. I was keeping him, end of story.

"Bella and I were never even together." I pulled up in line, almost close to the order section. "So we messed around a couple times, it meant nothing."

"Maybe to you, but it means a lot to her." He scoffed, and I suddenly realized something.

"Wait, how do you even know this?"

He looked away before cursing under his breath.

"Did my sister-"

"No. Last night, I could see the way she looked at you." I narrowed my eyes, knowing he was keeping something from me. "Fine. I overheard you and Lance talking."

"Oh." I tensed up, then relaxed when predicting it was probably the last part of the conversation since he wasn't concerned about the other parts. "What I said still stands."

"But it didn't mean anything! It was just a drunken kiss-" I interrupted his exasperated rant.

"Not for me." I gave him a hardened stare, clenching my jaw in determination. "I like you, okay? And I want to get to know you."

He looked shocked, and sat back in his seat as he thought to himself. I awkwardly pulled up to the order section of the drive-thru, and asked for two milkshakes.

"I'd like strawberry, please."

I nodded, changing Seth's to strawberry, and made mine Oreo. It was only seven bucks, and was well worth it. I parked in the lot outside and Seth raised a curious brow, "Why aren't you driving me home?"

"I don't really feel like it." I grinned, feeling amused now. Had he noticed yet?

"What are you talking about? You said you would." He furrowed his brows, starting to look angry. I shrugged, nonchalant.

"I changed my mind." He was about to protest when I chuckled, "I'm kidding. You never gave me your address."

"Ohhh." He blushed, embarrassed and I chuckled again.

"It's okay." I tossed him my phone, "Just type it in."

He sipped noisily while typing it in, blushing as I gazed at him while sipping my own drink. It was tasty, but all I could think of was how I woke up next to him in bliss. He handed the phone back to me, and I memorized the route there before placing it in the middle. It wasn't that far, and I parked in his driveway no later than ten minutes.

He ran his hand through his hair with a sigh as I shifted the gear into park. He silently got out of the car, and I wondered for a moment if I should let him go like this. I could hear Sirius whimpering, and I decided I couldn't just leave it like this.

I got out of the car in a hurry, and he looked at me in surprise in front of his door. I scratched the back of my neck in anxiousness, "So about earlier..."

"I can't." Seth held the bridge of his nose, seemingly frustrated. I looked at him, feeling confused.

"Well, why not?"

He groaned, "What part of it being meaningless don't you understand?"

"What part of this," I grabbed his hand and placed it on my chest, feeling the same sparks from last night, from every time I've ever touched him, all over again, "do you not understand? I know you feel it too."

He looked conflicted, his eyes shutting as if in concentration as his body reacted to my subtle touch. My thumb rubbed across the back of his palm, and he huffed at me with a glare. I knew I looked desperate, but I couldn't help it. At first, I thought having a mate would be disastrous and painful. Being forced to be with someone, like some Neanderthal from the 1800s, or something. But then I saw that it wasn't really forced, and that it was a real connection.

"We have something. Don't deny it." His hand slowly became a fist against my chest, but I still held it there as I gazed at him. I silently whispered, "Please."

Seth's eyes met mine, searching for what, I have no idea. He was about to speak when a voice interrupted, somewhat smooth and high-pitched.

"Babe!" His hand quickly retracted from mine, and we both looked towards the sidewalk in front of his house. "Hey, I left you tons of messages. We were supposed to hang out this morning, remember?"

My wolf growled as I observed her, suddenly seeing an obstacle to his mate. She was a little shorter than Seth, with long black and wavy hair. She was slim, with average sized assets. Her face was heart shaped, with pretty red lips that complimented her pale skin and her eyes were big with brown doe-like eyes. She was pretty.

As she embraced him, he gave me a guilty expression while he hugged her back from the waist. My eyes widened as I realized what must've been obvious by now. Seth had a girlfriend.

"Oh fuck."

She looked up at me in confusion, and Seth visibly paled. I couldn't help the laugh that escaped me, my emotions becoming numb as one ruled above the others; anger.

"I can't believe this..." I shook my head, murmuring to myself as I was almost seething at this point. "Motherfucker..."

"Can't believe what?" Her question had an edge, and I felt like a deer caught in headlights. I immediately turned on my charm, chuckling as I pretended to be bashful.

"How pretty you are. I mean, who thought Seth would have such a hot friend?"

Her eyes widened, and I laughed again before speaking up again.

"Oh, wow. How rude of me," I grinned mischievously as I extended my hand out to her, "My name's Xavier, with an X."

She smiled, her eyes still somewhat confused as she placed her hand in mine. I brought it up to my mouth, placing a ginger kiss on the back of her palm while she blushed. I could feel Seth's glare, but I kept my gaze trained on her as I let go of her hand. This is what I get for actually liking my mate. I should've rejected him from the start. God, I want to forget ever meeting this bastard. This hot bastard...

She chuckled, nervous, "My name is Cassie. It's nice to meet you."

"I assume you're single." I bit my lip with a smile, coyly crossing my arms to flex my muscles. Yes, I was being a douche on purpose.

"Oh." She laughed again at my flattery, "No. Seth here is actually my boyfriend."

I laughed back, still focused on her while I could see Seth's jaw clench from my peripheral view. "Oh. Yeah, I was hoping not."

I narrowed my eyes at Seth with a scowl. Cassie raised an eyebrow, and I shrugged as I grew a grin again.

"You know, because you're pretty."

"How do you know my boyfriend again?" She shook her head with a scoff, but still smirked.

"He went to my party last night. I had to let him crash at my place because he got a little rowdy, to say the least." I smirked back, and she looked at him with a questioning expression. He guiltily smiled, and she chuckled. "Then I drove him home after a nice breakfast. So, yeah."

She smiled again, "Well, thanks for that. I really appreciate you taking care of him."

"Yeah." I scoffed at the unknown innuendo she just made, and I laughed sarcastically. "Yeah, I took care of him. He was practically all over me too."

She gasped and Seth cursed under his breath.

"Seth, I didn't know you got that drunk." She pressed her hand up to his forehead, "Do you have a headache?"

He shook his head, smiling the fakest smile I've ever seen, and glanced at me nervously. I nodded while scolding myself, practically wanting to die right then and there.

"Well," I clapped my hands together, "I gotta get going. It was nice meeting you, Cassie," I extended my hand out and shook hers gently, then patted Seth on the shoulder roughly. "And it was good hanging out with you last night, Seth."

He nodded, his smile more like a grimace. I turned, feeling defeated before I came up with an idea suddenly.

"Hey, Seth!" Both he and his girlfriend turned around, Cassie curious and Seth panicking. I smirked, "Don't forget about our study session this Monday!"

She looked up at him, no doubt wondering what I meant, and he raised an eyebrow at me. I smiled, "You said you'd help me with History at my house after school this Monday, remember?"

I didn't have history.

Seth made a surprised expression before quickly giving me a thumbs-up. He then took his girlfriend by the waist, and turned her towards the front door while he discreetly gave me the finger. I laughed sarcastically to myself before opening my car door and sitting down in my seat. I turned the radio to my favorite station, and drove home.

The minute my bedroom door closed behind me, I exhaled heavily. The weight in my chest was so heavy. I felt like I couldn't breathe, and I wondered if my family would ask me what was wrong if I cried. Luckily, I'd managed to avoid them as I stomped up to my room, but no doubt they already knew something was up.

I went into the bathroom, turning on the shower on it's heaviest. I took a deep breath as I looked myself in the mirror, trying to calm down, but I could feel the familiar sensation of my eyes tearing up. I clenched my fists as I choked up, and the sob broke out before I could stop it. I grit my teeth to try to stop it, sniffling while my hot tears were flowing now, but it didn't work.

This whole situation brought up things I'd rather forget. But I couldn't, no matter what I did, they stayed with me.

I had walked up to him during recess, smiling, 'Hey, why didn't you come over the other day?'

His eyes were hardened, and his mouth turned upwards in a scowl before he spat out the words I remembered all too well.

'Why do you care so much?'

I was about to respond, but he had already said the worst part.

'What are you? Gay?'

I shivered now as I did back then, exhaling deep as to not induce another sobbing fit. But right now, it was already too late, I was crying and I couldn't stop it.

He was another closeted male, except this time it was worse. He was my mate, my soulmate, and he had a girlfriend. I cursed the moon goddess, hoping I'd get smite down to avoid the pain of this. Unfortunately, the pain never went away.

It had already been an hour, and I heard my cellphone ring in my back pocket. It was Bella. I debated what to do, and Sirius practically screamed at the notion. I shook my head as I answered it.

"Hey."

———

The full story below:

#original story #original work #werewolf #werewolves #wolf mate #wolf love #soul mates #soulmate #soul connection #original character #original content #original writing #dreameapp

2 notes · View notes

mbavholidayexchange · 5 years

Photo

To @wd-yamonsatree, from @spiffy-space-dragon

Title: how the howl

Rating: Gen

Summary: Not provided.

Ao3 Link: n/a

Content

“Dude, I can’t believe you turned yourself into a werewolf!” Ethan huffed to his best friend. “We’ve already been through this!”

“I didn’t mean to!” Benny shrugged defensively. “I’m just too powerful a spellcaster for my own good.”

Ethan rolled his eyes. “Yeah, except you always manage to perform the wrong spells.”

“I just happen to think I would look great with a beard,” Benny said. “Werewolf and facial hair spells are very similar!”

“Sure.” Ethan paused Space Ninjas XI: Battle of the Blades that they’d been playing on playstation. “Do you know when the next full moon is?”

“About that,” Benny scratched his head. “It’s, erm, tomorrow night?”

“Tomorrow night?! How long have you waited to tell me about this?!”

“About a week?” Benny’s voice went small.

“What the hell, Benny?!”

“I thought I could sort it out on my own.”

Ethan groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. “We’ve got to tell your grandma.”

“Please no! We can’t! She’s still mad about from when I accidentally turned you into a werewolf.”

“Alright,” Ethan crossed the room and picked a heavy tome from his bookshelf. “We can stay up tonight and research solutions. But if we can’t find any, tomorrow we’ve got to get you chained up and talk to your grandma.”

Benny nodded, and the two boys stayed up into the wee hours of the morning pouring over pages of magic and mystery.

By the time the boys got to school next day, they were no closer to any answers and significantly tired.

“Whazzup?!” Rory shouted behind their ears, startling Ethan.

Benny glared at him murderously.

“Get out of my face, Bloodsucker.”

Rory frowned. Ethan jumped between him.

“Don’t listen to him, Rory,” Ethan said. “He’s, uh, method acting for a play. It’s about a werewolf that hate vampires.”

“Hmmm.” Rory rested his fist on his chin. “What’s it called?”

“Um… ‘That Time I was A Teenage Werewolf’?” Ethan shrugged.

“Sounds awesome! Can I be in it?”

“No! Just- we’ll see you later, Rory,” Ethan said, steering Benny away from him. Benny growled.

“Filthy vampire,” Benny muttered.

“That’s it, I’m calling your grandma.” Ethan whipped out his phone.

Evelyn was predictably annoyed, frustrated and unsurprised of the boys’ situation.

“I can give you an antidote, but the specific spell Benny used requires he first transform before we can give it to him,” she said.

“What?! So I have to wolf out? Aw, man.” Benny scrunched his face up.

“You better find a way to secure him.” She was mainly talking directly to Ethan at this point.

“Will do, thanks.” They hung up, agreeing that the boys would swing around after school to grab the antidote. Ethan was to dip a dart into the mixture and then load it into a nerf gun to dose Benny once he was too wild to drink it.

———————

“Are you sure about this E?” Benny stood, shirtless, shackled by chains in Ethan’s basement. The Morgans had gone out for date night and Sarah was playing upstairs with Jane, none the wiser.

“It’s so you don’t ruin your favourite striped polo,” Ethan said.

Benny tested his strength against the chains. There was no way he’d be able to break them.

“Do your parents ever wonder about keeping these in your basement?” He asked, giving the chains a jangle with his wrist.

Ethan shrugged.

“They try not to come down here after the raccoon infestation.”

“What raccoon infestation? Aw man, am I gonna wolf out and eat a raccoon?”

“Nah, the racoons were all taken care of,” Ethan reassured him. “I think.” He glanced at his watch and grabbed the loaded nerf gun. “10 minutes to wolf time.”

Benny’s hair had already multiplied and he was scratching himself erratically.

“I’m scared, E. Does this hurt?”

Ethan felt suddenly worried about his best friend.

“No, it doesn’t. It feels like after the dentist gives you a shot, gives you laughing gas and then gives you a root canal. It pinches for a split second, then you don’t remember anything and then you wake up sore, but everything’s fine.”

Benny whimpered. It was significantly doggish.

“I hated my root canal!”

“Bad analogy.” Ethan scratched his head. “Just don’t worry, it won’t hurt.”

Benny started howling. Ethan locked his nerf gun onto him. It was starting.

Fur enveloped Benny’s skin and bones began to mangle and crack. He fell to the ground as his eyes became replaced with those of a wolf.

He snarled and leap at Ethan, but the chains held him back.

“Good boy, Benny. Stay there.”

Ethan had the nerf gun trained on him, but his hand shook. This was his best friend. Plus he’d never realised just how terrifying he must have looked in wolf form.

Benny was menacing. He was covered in thick, bristly dark brown fur and gleaming yellow eyes. His set of teeth were sharper than kitchen knives and could take off an entire human forearm.

He howled and once again strained against the chains.

Pop. Ethan shot the dart into Benny’s back.

Benny snarled at him before whimpering and crumpling to the floor.

Slowly his eyes reflected back to a beautiful blue and the fur retracted back to human flesh.

He was naked and passed out, so Ethan quickly covered him with a blanket. That was not how he wanted to see Benny naked for the first time.

When Benny awoke an hour or so later, he still lay on the basement floor. Ethan was curled up beside him, resting.

“Ethan,” he said, his voice hoarse. “You did it. Thanks.”

Ethan opened his eyes and smiled. He took his hand. “We did it. We make a good team.”

The boys stayed like that for a while. Both hoped they’d never have to endure lycanthropy again. But hopes and wishes often go unheard.

Playlist

Magic (feat. Rivers Cuomo) - B.o.B, Rivers Cuomo

Werewolves of London - Warren Zevon

Girl Next Door - Hathaway Brown

Animal - Neon Trees

Curious - Hayley Kiyoko

Think I’m Sick - Icon for Hire

War of Change - Thousand Foot Krutch

Animal I Have Become - Three Days Grace

Killer in The Mirror - Set It Off

[Reboot] - Waterparks

Coming Clean - Green Day

I Just Wanna Live - Good Charlotte

Werewolf, Baby! - Rob Zombie

Dancing With a Wolf - All Time Low

We’re Not Gay We’re Just Best Friends - Metal Biscuits

Crusader (Are We There Yet) - Black Gryph0n, Baasik

Damned if I Do Ya (Damned if I Don’t) - All Time Low

Shut Me Up - Mindless Self Indulgence

#bethan #benny weir #ethan morgan #mbav #my babysitter's a vampire #mbavholidayexchange #mbav holiday exchange

11 notes · View notes

ladyemberswrites · 5 years

Text

"A Touch Is All I Ask"

Summary: Basically, an Au of Au wherein an accident Lotor ends up traveling through the rift only for him to met and fall in love with Allura from another reality, but because life refuses to give him a break the rift creatures destroy both that Allura and her reality along with her leaving Lotor to travel the rift for centuries trying to find his way back home. Fortunately, he ends of being saved the Princess Allura from his reality. Which makes things all the more awkward as Lotor has to force himself to differentiate between this Allura and the Allura he had loved. The plot only thickens once Allura starts to develop feelings for him as she nurses him back to health.

Rating: T and Up

Words: 2k

Chapters: 1/?

He had lost everything in a single fleeting moment. A breath, a heartbeat, and soon nothingness consumed him. It ate away at the flesh and the bone, and pierced his dreaded, cold heart. His fingers reached for nothing, tiny cosmos, stars that have already long passed, and they bleed through his fingers. His fingers, these hands that have done nothing but bring about horrors, that only bring about destruction. Perhaps they were right, he is a curse. A blight on the world, a filthy obstruction. He felt the world around him drown, his body as heavy as lead and as weightless as a cloud. In space-time is obsolete. His mind and memories fragmented, and the voices that haunt him whisper in his ears in continual repeat.

The rift is relentless, a cruel, twisted mistress. An abomination, an unknown horror and they like a siren singing sailors to their deaths upon the steep rocks sing to him too as he wanders, and he drifts to nowhere. Howling, and lulling sweet tunes that fill the silence of his travels where there is nowhere and no one, and as the presumed days go by they fill the aching silence. He‘s long tuned them out-but-

~Lotor~ their eyes are amber like hers. Their hair a dark silver like hers had once been. Though, he had never heard her voice, he assumes that must have been what she sounded like. But, he knows that they aren’t his mother. Their image of her is picture perfect, not a single detail missed, but he knows. He’s no fool. He knows their games he knows their lies. They hiss when he pays the cheap imitation no mind, growling, and sneering.

~How dare you!~ they screech in union, a kaleidoscope of dissonant voices. His ears run red when the shrieking refuses to come to an end, but again he disregards them and simply keeps going, he keeps moving because he does not know when to give up. Because death is too easy, no matter how tempting it is to just collapse and sleep an endless dream. But, dreams offer him no repute, no reprieve instead they are nothing more than a reflection-a mirror world-a gateway to his own insanity. There is no peace. So, he must walk even though there is nothing.

“That's absolutely disgusting, Lance!” Pidge grimaces, her nose wrinkles as she spat out her tongue.

“Yeah, well, try actually being there and seeing it in person" he leans into her, his shoulder, bony and sharp, cuts into her side "let me tell ya, that changes a man"

“Just because you experienced it, doesn't mean I want to hear it” Pidge mutters into her palm "and can't you sit on your side of the ship?" she shoves him.

He brushes aside her last comment making himself comfortable “I thought we were friends, Pidge? Besides you who else do I have in this big lonely castle?"

"Why can't you bother, Hunk for a change" the girl surfs her screens in boredom.

"I would, but he's been too busy with his new girl-friend" he emphasizes his point by making quotation marks with his fingers "to hang out anymore-I mean whatever happened to the bro-code!?"

Pidge rolls her eyes "so, what? He can become a lonely, desperate misogynist, womanizing jerkhole?"

"I prefer the term lover man, Pidge"

"I think you missed the entire point of that statement..nevermind-the point being is that there are other men on the ship you could socialize with"

"I rather get stabbed in the spleen again than hang out with Keith out of my own volition"

"I wasn't talking about, Keith."

"Shiro's way too serious to do anything fun with. It's all Lance stop. Lance your drinking way too much. Lance you can't spike people's drinks. Shiro's awesome and all, but he doesn't have a single fun bone in his body"

"I don't think perpetuating liver damage is something I would personally consider fun"

"It's not about the drinks, the drinks are just secondary, where there's alcohol there's hot women, come on get with the program Pidge"

"Shiro's gay"

"I was gonna hook him up"

"With a dude?" She rose a dry brow.

"Of course a dude, unless he goes both ways, I can get him both"

"...Y'know it's a wonder why your single?"

"Is that sarcasm?"

"What about Coran" she dodges the question " he's a guy"

"Coran's fun-until he goes overboard. Y'know like the time he nearly killed us"

"That was your own fault y'know"

"How was I supposed to know pot would drive him into a murderous rampage-" The hiss and beep of the bridge door interrupts him. Hunched and bleary eyed, Allura wanders onboard in a complete daze, her heels clicking against the paneled walkway. Her characteristic bun hung lopsidedly off the side of her head, her ends frazzled and uncombed. Her eyes sunken with dark bruises and her favorite white jacket hangs haphazardly off her one shoulder.

Lance whistled “Boy, you look awful, Princess-or is that a new look your aiming for”

Allura snaps her head towards him with lethal speed, barely restraining the urge to strangle him

“I’m far too tired to deal with your nonsense this morning, so please do shut up unless you’d like be placed on toilet duty again”

The threat hangs in the air for a few minutes before Lance snorts, brushing her off awhile tugging at the hem of his turtleneck sweater in a nervous bout “Y-yeah, but no thanks, Princess, I've cleaned enough toilets and vomit to last me a lifetime"

Allura didn’t bother to comment but casts him one last warning glare before turning back to the teleduv, reaching out she taps it lightly bringing the ship's screens to life. The skies were all clear except for a bach of asteroids floating in the distance, but to her relief so far no enemy ships or anything remotely suspicious, as they travel the cosmos to Planet Greta off hidden on another less known side of the galaxy.

Even so, she didn't wish to take any chances and made sure to double check her assessment, while ignoring Pidge and Lance's continued conversation Bits and pieces dribble into the forefront of her thoughts here and there, but there's nothing she can make sense of being that the topic relates back to Earth.

Her checks repeat nothing new-Sighing, she cuts the feed to rub her face in annoyance. Everything hurt. Her body aches in a way that's more aggravating than truly painful. But, sleep has been hard to come by lately, the moment she closes her eyes-the nightmares began again. Her father’s blood upon her hands, splattered upon the blue silk of her gown, the sight of his mangled corpse lying at Zarkon’s iron boots. His face darkened, indistinguishable from the other bodies that littered the marble floors-

She clenches her fingers listlessly fearing that if she didn’t pay attention she’d find his blood on them again. Her skin burned, having spent the night trying to scrub the red away. Now, they just itch, the skin of her hands rubbed raw and dry. And yet, there's that lingering feeling of wetness that she just can't shake, despite knowing that it isn't there. Yet, she kept scratching her wrist as she stared out over the bridge watching nothing but stars pass them by.

“Lura?” she didn’t hear Pidge pace up to her. She turns in the girl's direction “you okay there? You’ve got that dead look in your eyes again?”

“I’m fine, Pidge. Don’t worry” she wonders if her voice always sounded hoarse, or is it just her, and she’s hearing things again. Whatever the case she just shakes her head attempting to ignore it. That and the throbbing headache that pounds at the back of her skull.

“If you say so….” Pidge didn't know what else to say or do other than offer the woman her space, and awkwardly returns to her seat.

"What's her problem?" Lance whispers.

"....I don't know. She looks sick-"

"She's not going to pass out again is she because-"

Perhaps, it’s time to give up and ask Doctor Alibhe for some sleep aid? Her nose wrinkles at the prospect, but what else can she do. She's tried everything: training until she's exhausted to the bone. Meditation only abandons her to her own traitorous thoughts which only leads to exasperation and a wish to lobotomize herself. So, no that was a no go. She's tried tea, acupuncture, oil massage. Worse case scenario, well, partially out of desperation a chiropractor who only charged her an exuberant amount of money and a nasty crick in her neck that took weeks to go away. Trial or error aside, she can't continue like this; people will notice, people are already noticing, if it keeps going the questions will never end. Pressing a fist to her brow, she huffs-if only the night didn't dreg up past horrors-

*Ping*

Her temples throb, cracking her eyes back open Allura finds herself thrown from her musings back to reality. The pinging of the teleduv continues causing her to pause and blink for a moment flicking the scanners back on.

"What?” out of bloody nowhere something pops up upon the monitors signaling a disturbance in the area. Brows tightly pinched together, she didn't see any ships-

“Enemy ship?” Lance asks in a brief moment of seriousness. Both his and Pidge's eyes dart from her to the screens above, bracing themselves for impact.

“It’s-" she squints "no” she shakes her head

“whatever it is-it’s far too small to be a ship-it’s-oh,

no” her heart plummets to the pit of her stomach.

“Oh, no what?”

“It’s another rift opening….”

“Well, that's just flipping fantastic!” Lance barks “More rift creatures! Is it bad that I rather deal with Sendak, heck even Zarkon himself any day over dealing with those walking-talking living embodiments of nightmare fuel!”

Allura swallows dryly. A lovely start to already dreary day-oh, stars, she's not sure how much more she can take of this insanity.

“Maybe we’ve been blessed by the Altean space gods!” Lance cries to the heavens “because I don’t see a single thing or y’know I'm not vomiting up my own entrails”

“Not if you don’t jinx us” Keith snaps. As quickly as it had come the rift had immediately snapped shut. Yet, no creatures of the rift made it out through the small opening. No horrifying illusions or imagery, just nothing. Just dead-end silence that did little to comfort her as she stares out among the stars and the blackness of space.

In their rush they took their respective lions on ahead with Allura placing Head Commander Hira at the helm and with the ship on high alert. When nothing assaulted them, Shiro suggested they take a look around by hand. Jetpacks loaded with full and pistols set on lethal everyone disembarked only to greeted by nothing.

Allura worries her bottom lip out of nervousness, she’s only glad that she hadn’t eaten anything for breakfast or else she would have vomited in her own helmet. Holding her pistol close, she prepares herself for anything by as the minutes trickle on by, besides the cluster of asteroids, nothing bizarre happens. An hour of searching and checking and rechecking the area's clear of any potential danger.

“I’m starting to think it was a false alarm, Princess” Keith calls out to her.

“Yeah, I’ve got nothing. Nada , zilch” Hunk tapped his scanner “besides the glitchy connection, I don’t see anything out of the ordinary”

“Me neither” Pidge mutters “it’s all just empty space as far as the eye can see.”

“Same here” Shiro adds, perplexed.

“Same with my end” Matt floats back to them “looked all over those asteroids over there, but like Hunk said zilch. Nada.”

“Perhaps, something was trying to get out, but couldn’t” Hunk states with an uneasy hitch in his voice.

It isn't unlikely, and it's probably the case, too. Though that does beg the question-if something were trying to claw its way out the rift what stopped it? Allura isn’t sure if she wants to find out.

“Hunk’s probably right” Allura agrees quietly, holstering her pistol “we should probably head back to the Lions. Oxygen's running low.” They weren't that far from the castle ship, but it's still a pretty good distance even with the lions.

"About time! This place gives me the creeps"

"Second that-"

“...more like it was a waste of time…” everyone moves on ahead of her as she can't help but linger, taking one more glance over her shoulder she scans her surroundings. It's times like these that remind her how vast the galaxy is. Enormous and all consuming like a sea with no bottom, no end. Left could right, and right, left. Shoving down the existential dread, she moves to to turn and head back until a twinkling light catches the corner of her eye. Stopping, she swivels back to look again-this time the twinkling is hard to miss, she squints, it isn't a star, as the source of the glittering is a top an asteroid closest to her. With bated breath she slowly, carefully maneuvers herself over to it. It's rocky texture is rough, the cold seeping through her gloves. With a grunt she heaves herself upwards, her thoughts oddly quiet as she focuses on climbing and hauling her weight until she reaches the top. Heaving enough to cloud the glass of her helmet, she stills to inhale a deep breath before she decides to lift her head up and freezes-

A massive body is collapsed upon the mountainous structure.

It-can't be-

Galra?

Hesitantly, she crawls towards him on all fours both curiosity and fear churning in her gut. Carefully, she reached over to quickly tap his shoulder to snap it away fearing a swipe of his large hand. Or a lunge. Squeezing her eyes shut she expects the worst, but when nothing came she instead hears a low, pained groan.So, low that if it weren't for her being so close she probably wouldn't have heard him. Placing a hand to calm her erratic heart, Allura steadies herself before gently extending both her hands to flip him on to his back, however it isn't without some difficulty. He's super heavy. With a grunt she manages and once he's on his back she's met with a rather gorgeous face, but unfortunately one she did not recognize. Examining his body, his armor is old. Eroded with rust and dented all over with the color of it faded. His face as handsome as it is, is marred with bruises painted black and dark blue, and dried blood dribbles down his obviously split lip. Yet, strangely enough she didn't find anything indicating his rank. No badge or medallion, no even a family crest holding his cape together. There's a satchel hung around his waist, but it wouldn't be wise to open it out here. He definitely looks the part of a high ranking galra general, but that begs the question, if he is, what is a seemingly distinguished general doing out here in the middle of an asteroid field? Did someone dump him out here?

Frantically her eyes dart around- but, she was so sure she hadn't detected a galra ship in the area-

Breathing heavily, she only finds emptiness.

-unless-

Her eyes fall back to him-the rift. Her eyes widen as she eyed him closer now noticing the markings on his face, a telltale sign of quintessence exposure. They weren't too bad, but it isn't something that can be ignored without consequence. Frightened out of her mind, she shouts back to her team over her shoulder.

“I found something!” drawing all eyes to her. I've definitely found something; she whispers to herself.

#Voltron #oldtron #lotura #lollura #redemption universe

18 notes · View notes

blaugreen · 5 years

Text

In "High School," Tegan and Sara Quin reflect on coming out and hitting it big

Washington Post book review of High School

By Jancee Dunn September 17 at 4:37 PM

“If you enjoyed high school," the writer Jenny Lawson once wrote, "you were probably a psychopath or a cheerleader. Or possibly both."

All others should find plenty of solace in "High School," a coming-of-age memoir from Canadian musicians, twin sisters and LGBTQ icons Tegan and Sara Quin. A sort of anti-yearbook, it's not likely to make anyone nostalgic for their teen years.

Written by the sisters in alternating chapters, the book is divided into three sections -- Grade 10, Grade 11 and Grade 12 -- and details their teenage years and discovery of rave and grunge in the mid-90s.

Their upbringing in the suburbs of northeast Calgary, where temperatures can hit minus-20 degrees in winter, was fairly drab. Born in 1980 to childhood sweethearts who split when the sisters were in first grade, the girls lived mostly with their mom, Sonia, a plucky activist and mental health worker who worked long shifts. This meant, as Tegan puts it, that "Sara and I were free to kick the,' well, you know,' out of each other without a referee."

In 1990, Sonia and the girls move in with Bruce, a handsome, Camaro-driving hockey-playing construction manager who becomes a kind of stepfather and emerges in the book as a caring, endearingly complicated hero.

The Quins are skilled writers with an eye for detail. Here's Sara describing the scene as Bruce ferries them to school in his pickup truck: "The silver wrappers from the Wendy's burgers he ate daily were balled up near the pedals on the floor. The dashboard and seats were dusted with grit from the construction sites he managed, and the whole car smelled of onions and his musky cologne.î

Both women deftly capture the messy complexities of being twins. As acrimonious as their relationship could be, there was also an inexorable need. "We fought, mercilessly, for time alone," Tegan writes, "but I still felt a primal fear of being apart from her." They discover acid (they very matter-of-factly did a ton of drugs). They hit the mall. They brawl over whose turn it is to use the computer as the dial-up modem sputters to life, one of many amusing '90s-era details.

And both begin to realize, even if they can’t yet put it into words, that they are attracted to girls. Tegan attempts to date a guy named Spencer. ("Why doesn’t this feel right?" she keeps asking herself.) Meanwhile, Sara writes secret letters to her crushes. (”It was still a shock to feel desire for girls, addictive thoughts that stole hours of my time at school and in bed before I fell asleep.")

When she finally kisses her friend Naomi, she feels so much inner turmoil that she runs to the bathroom to throw up, terrified of revealing her sexuality in a place, and era, that isn’t particularly queer-friendly.

Music becomes their salvation. Sara discovers Smashing Pumpkins and howls along to the lyrics, imagining that a crowd, replete with her junior high bullies, is watching her. In 10th grade, the sisters unearth a guitar that Bruce has stashed under the stairs. They steal off to teach themselves to play (Tegan studying music videos of Courtney Love and mimicking how she holds her hands). "Slowly, I was able to start holding power chords that didn't sound half bad," she writes.

Eventually, Sara starts singing along, and writes their very first song, "Tegan Didn’t Go to School Today." Their fate is sealed when their mom buys them an electric guitar on their 16th birthday.

In 12th grade, they enter a contest called Garage Warz. The prize is gigs and studio time. "If we don't win tonight, our mom is going to make us go to college," Tegan announces to the judges. They win. Their fans know what followed: a million albums sold, a Grammy nomination, their emergence as outspoken advocates for LGBTQ rights.

By the book's end, the reader is nearly as eager to leave high school as they are. This is not a knock. They write so viscerally about the mundaneness and despair and occasional highs, chemical and otherwise, of being a teen that it revived, for me, some long-buried memories I had hoped to leave behind forever.

"High School" has the immediacy and intimacy of a diary, but it also suffers from the stream-of-consciousness verbosity of the form: a litany of drugs, crushes on girls, raucous parties at the pot-smoke-clouded house of an older dude named Rick.

And while the book adeptly captures the searing pain of being a teenager, the sisters don't offer any insight as adults. Why did they do so many drugs, for instance? "Teenage boredom" and “Calgary winters” seem like reasonable explanations, but it would have been enlightening to hear it from them.

The most powerful moment in "High School" comes as they confront their sexuality. Sara writes movingly of realizing that she is gay. In a flood of tears after her first girlfriend leaves her, she stands at her bedroom window and looks at the moon. I’m gay, she thinks for the first time. "From that night forward, I carried the words in my mouth," she writes, “tempted to tell everyone and no one."

"High School" reminds us that even one compassionate adult can have an outsize effect on a teen struggling with their sexuality. When a boy in Sara’s sex education class asserts that only gay people get AIDS, she flees the class, sobbing, and blindly runs to her sympathetic drama teacher, Mr. Russel, who immediately takes charge. Afterward, when she thanks him, she writes, "I found that I couldn’t quite meet his eyes. I wanted to tell him that I knew he was gay, and that I probably was, too. But I couldn’t.”

His instinctive rush to protect her is one of the book’s most dramatic scenes. It’s been nearly a quarter-century since then. Maybe Mr. Russel doesn’t even remember his act of kindness that day. But Sara does.

#tegan and sara #sara quin #tegan quin #high school #book review #high school review #trq #skq #tns

13 notes · View notes

so-very-asleep · 6 years

Text

Sterek Fic Rec

What I Did On My Summer Vacation - by Grimm

There's something weird about Beacon Hills that Stiles can't quite put his finger on. The way everyone in town knows his name the day he arrives. The way they insist the melancholic howling that echoes through the forest every night is just a dog. The way his dad denies getting a dog, even though Stiles comes home to find one sprawled across his bed, some big black thing whose eyes gleam red in the right light. The way that massive oak tree out in the woods vibrates under his touch, pulsing with sickly life.

There's something weird going on in this town, and Stiles is determined to get to the bottom of it.

118k 4/4 Chapters

Full werewolf shift!Derek, Magic!Stiles

Get Back Up - by Hepzheba

After taking the blame for his so-called friend Jackson and his stupid pot, Stiles is forced to work for the Hales at their horse ranch the summer before his last year in high school. At first he absolutely hates it but he comes to realize that there is actually is something fun about this ranch thing and that horses are more likable and complicated than he’d previously thought. He also comes to realize that it’s not only the horses that are interesting; there’s also Derek Hale.

32k 4/4 Chapters

Alternative Univers - Human, Lotta horses, Jerk!Stiles,

Worlds Apart - by Siny

Derek Hale, Heir Prince of Betonia and Italy, meets Stiles Stilinski, college boy.

92k 16/16 Chapters

Alternative Univers - Royalty (Modern Royalty), Prince!Derek,

A Strong Heart and a Nerve of Steel - by lupinus, ureaneia

Stiles and Derek wake up married in Vegas. Well, they would have if it was legal.In which Stiles is the president's son, Derek is his bodyguard, and Papa President orders them to pretend to be in love for the sake of gay rights.Or in which uraniea and lupinus combine meeting the Hales, President Papa, waking up married, fake/pretend relationship, First Boy Stiles, and bodyguard Derek into one fic.

21k 1/1 Chapters

Alternative Universe - Bodyguard AU, Fake/Pretend Relationship/ Fake Marriage President!Sherif Stilinski

One Life Stand - by Vendelin

Stiles is used to selling himself to make ends meet. But it's getting harder to keep those ends meeting, and there's only so much of Stiles to go around. Until a too-fancy car shows up in his neighborhood, and he meets Derek Hale.

All Derek wants is Stiles's time, someone to stay on his arm for events and smile for the cameras. It's the easiest job Stiles has ever had, the best-paying one he's ever had, and he's more than happy to sign up.

Derek is everything and nothing Stiles expects him to be, with his tailored suits, sharp mind and his quiet way of caring. But it's just a job and Stiles never meant to fall in love.

84k 6/6 Chapters

Prostitute!Stiles, Buisnessman!Derek

Gravity’s Got nothing on You - by zosofi

“Three weeks,” Derek says.

“Still don’t want to,” Stiles says.

“I’ll pay you,” Derek says, and that… that has Stiles interested. Alf’s Antique’s may be a great job, but it’s not a high-paying job, and half of Stiles’s tuition is coming from financial aid, so…

“How much,” Stiles asks, “are we talking here? Because I know your family, dude. And it’ll be kind of awkward after.“

“My family thinks you’re some sort of fucking gift to the world,” Derek seethes, like he’s jealous, “they’ll probably be pissed at me when we break it off, so don’t worry about that. Five hundred bucks.”

“A thousand,” Stiles says, because screw ethics. Also, the Hale family is loaded. Derek can deal.

83k 1/1 Chapters

Fake/Pretend Relationship

Captain’s Log: I am Sly as a Fox - by isthatbloodonhisshirt

Derek wandered into the store with him, some of the cashiers cooing at Stiles because, yes, yes, he was very cute, thank you. He was getting more attention as a fox than he’d ever gotten as a human.

Figures.

He just pouted while being carried through the store, one of the girls helping Derek with what he needed and bringing it all to the cash register for him since he seemed reluctant to loosen his grip on Stiles. He probably didn’t want him wiggling free and wreaking havoc across the store.

He was pretty destructive, he’d admit that.

42k 1/1 Chapters

Magical Mishap, Fox!Stiles Stilinski, Both Derek and Stiles come back to Beacon Hills, Mutal Pining, Oblivious Stiles, Lonely Derek, Getting together, Friends to Lovers

The Darkness Inside - by isthatbloodonhisshirt

The sheriff watched him for a moment, then he sighed and turned slightly. He reached out to open a cabinet door beside him, and pulled out a shelf. It was on a track, so it rolled out of the cabinet fairly easily, and held a small CCTV. Derek frowned and inched his chair to the side a little bit so he could get a better angle.

He was looking at a teenager, or someone at least young enough to be the same age as Scott. He was sitting on a bed in what looked to be a larger room, the area he was in surrounded by four glass walls, with his legs crossed and head tilted.

He was also staring directly into the camera, as if he knew someone was watching. A creepy smile slowly slid onto the teen’s face, and he held up one hand, wiggling his fingers in a slow, eery wave.

Derek felt his mouth run dry. He didn’t know who this kid was, but he didn’t like him.

“Who is that?” he asked quietly.

“That,” said the sheriff, “is my son.”

51k 1/1 Chapters

Nogitsune!Stiles, Pining Derek, Pining Stiles, Magic

Waiting - by isthatbloodonhisshirt

Not wanting to think on it took much, Stiles took a step forward and passed his hand between the bars, moving the bleeding side closer to Derek’s mouth.

“Not too close, he bites.”

Stiles snatched his hand away just as Derek had been about to lick at it. The snarl he got in response was not comforting.

“He what?” Stiles asked nervously, turning to Deaton.

The man looked a little amused. “Don’t worry, only if he doesn’t like you.”

“Well, he probably hates me, now!” Stiles insisted, turning back to Derek.

He looked extremely displeased.

81k 2/2 Chapters

Feral!Derek, Possessive!Derek, Werewolf Mates, Magic!Derek

Hallowed Grounds - by damndancyscotch

Everything in Beacon Hills is the same when Stiles comes home from college.

Well, except for the fact that he's a published author now, Scott is halfway across the world with a travelling circus, Erica's epilepsy has been cured, her boss offers him a job too, and there's this weird black dog that seems to be following him around just to judge him.

Oh, and the murders, of course.

But other than that stuff... totally the same old BH.

109k 16/16 Chapters

Full Shift Werewolves, Writer Stiles, Hale Pack, Emissary in training Stiles Stilinski

Maggie May - by Spikedluv

When Laura Hale died, she left behind a daughter, Maggie. Stiles (and his dad) have been caring for Maggie since the night Laura disappeared. Unbeknownst to Stiles, however, Maggie’s a werewolf, and she’s bonded with Stiles. Which means he feels extra protective when Peter Hale appears on the scene. (He may have also developed a little crush on Maggie’s uncle, the silent and brooding Derek Hale. Who said Stiles’ life was boring?)

24k 1/1 chapters

Kid Fic

Fireman Derek’s Crazy Pie [Cheeseburger Baby] - by owlpostagain

“He can't blame me for the fact that I live in a building full of people united in the singular effort to ogle Hot Fireman as often as humanly possible."

Laura laughs, loud and echoing in the empty restaurant.

"Hot firemen can make a girl do crazy things," she agrees, nodding towards her brother's name on the menu. "Derek won't let me date anyone from his company, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate the eye candy."

"Send them my way," Stiles suggests, finally loading up a forkful of pie. "Apparently I'm incompetent enough that I need to be babysat at all times, because it would be cheaper than dispatching a truck every time I try to use a kitchen appliance."

17k 1/1 Chapters

Alternative Universe - Human, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Fireman Derek, College student Stiles

A Desperate Arrangement - by mikkimouse

"I'm sorry, I believe there's something wrong with my hearing," Stiles said. "Because I could have sworn you just told me you set up a betrothal agreement with the Hales. A betrothal agreement involving me. Me."

Scott smiled his easygoing smile and nodded, which told Stiles no, he hadn't misheard a damn thing.

After seven years of lengthy negotiations, the treaty between the Hales and the Argents has fallen apart and the two countries fell into war.

Months later, there's an uneasy truce, thanks to the intervention of King Scott McCall, but it won't last. In a desperate attempt to maintain the peace, the Hales sign a treaty with the McCalls to marry Prince Derek to Prince Stiles Stilinski, King Scott's brother.

In the history of the world, there have been many better ideas.

115k 29/29 Chapters

Alternative Universe - Historical, Arranged Marriage, Werewolves are known, Prince!Stiles, Prince!Derek, Alternative Universe - Royalty, Magic!Stiles

Suspicious Minds - by HaleHole

“Don’t feed Balto your pizza,” Stiles mildly warns his daughter.

“Derek.”

Stiles pauses, mouth open and cheese sliding off the pizza as he parrots, “Derek? Who’s Derek?”

His daughter rolls her eyes, like Stiles has just asked her the dumbest question ever. “The wolf, Daddy!”

“You changed his name?” Stiles asks in surprise. Usually she’s pretty set about naming things. Her doll’s name was decided two seconds after receiving it, the car has been Alonzo for three years now, and the toaster ‘Pop’ for the last six months.

Meg nods, prodding the sliding cheese back on top of her slice. “Yeah. He told me his name is Derek. And that he doesn’t really like Balto.”

“Is that right?” he asks, eyeing the wolf who seems far too interested in watching a pair of animated moose arguing. It’s official. This wolf is weird. This whole situation is weird.

-- Separated from Laura after being cornered by some hunters, an injured Derek finds himself being rescued by Stiles and his young daughter. In more than one way.

40k 1/1 Chapters

Single Parent Stiles, Full Shift!Derek, Werewolf reveal

Thanks for Thumper, But I Prefer Cheeseburgers - by isthatbloodonmyshirt

The wolf’s head whipped around so fast, Stiles felt like he was watching The Exorcist.

Stiles wondered if he could just stand still enough to make the wolf think he was a tree. A very bright red and jean-clad tree. He doubted it, but one could hope.

He knew it was a lost cause when the wolf turned fully, lips pulled back from its sharp teeth—so very sharp, good fucking Lord!—and began walking towards Stiles.

“I didn’t see anything!” Stiles shouted, both hands out in front of himself and sweat instantly breaking out across his skin. “I swear to you! I didn’t see anything! I didn’t see anything! I won’t tell anyone! I won’t! I’ll keep this to myself, until the day I die! I promise! I promise!”

58k 1/1 Chapters

Fullshift Werewolf! Derek, Werewolf Courting, Oblivious Stiles, Werewolf Mates

I Have Faith In Nights - by DaintyBoots

Derek had always thought his ability to pick up strays was a bit of a hindrance. But then he met Stiles.

35k 8/8 Chapters

Alternative Universe - Human, Cop!Derek, Drug Use, Street Punk (Sorta prostitue) Stiles, Panic Attacks

After The Storm - by matildajone

Derek's mind flits to Stiles’ face. It’s a hard face to forget and for some reason Stiles is one of the only things Derek can think about without feeling like he’s lost something.

Erica grins. “When are you going to see him next?”

“He’s a cop,” Derek says gruffly.

“So?”

Derek remembers being at the station, he remembers all those fucking people who thought he had killed his own sister. Laura. He hates all of them, and says as much aloud.

Erica hums. “Sounded like you didn’t hate him.”

Dealing with the death of his sister, Derek spends most of his time helping out his family. He meets Stiles and as soon as Derek's willing to admit his attraction towards him, he discovers that Stiles is dealing with his own problems at work. He needs help - help that Derek's all too willing to give. There's something about Derek with his strange, glowing eyes and quick ability to heal that makes Stiles trust him when maybe he shouldn't.

41k 4/4 Chapters

Kid Fic, Werewolf Reveal, Cop!Stiles

#Sterek Fic Rec #sterek #sterek fanfiction #sterek fics #sterek fandom #sterek fluff #stiles stilinski #stiles x derek #void stiles #derek hale #derek

20 notes · View notes

gleekto · 6 years

Text

Fic: Cupid In A Bottle

Summary: During Spin the Bottle at The Rachel Berry Trainwreck House Party Extravaganza, Sam’s spin lands on Kurt...and then on Blaine. Kurt thinks it’s a pretty evil trick that cupid is playing.

Canon compliant up to the party...Then a different ‘There you are...’

Kurt POV, then Blaine POV

Words: 2008

Cupid In A Bottle

“Ummmm.” Sam looks down sheepishly at the green glass Perrier bottle that has unambiguously stopped to point at him.

“Ummm,” Kurt mirrors back, cheeks pinkening as he sighs and starts with the inevitable, “You don’t have to,” and “I’m sure Rachel beside me has been waiting for the bottle to land on her.”

It’s not that he doesn’t want to kiss Sam. Sam is a hot guy, a nice guy, and his friend. But he’s let go of the idea that Sam might play for his team (strike out) and has committed his valiant if unsuccessful efforts elsewhere. So if the bottle wants to play cupid tonight, its efforts would be better used on Blaine.

So why put Sam through this when there’s -

“No dude. It’s cool. I’m kind of curious, anyways,” Sam shrugs. “Just don’t think that it means I’m-”

“Yes, Sam. We all know you’re not gay,” Santana rolls her eyes and adds, “Well, I sure do,” and winks to make sure she’s being understood. Kurt is tempted to add that Yes, Santana, we all know you’ve slept with Sam, when she adds. “So get on with it, already. This is getting boring.”

So apparently this is happening. Kurt hears Blaine, sitting on his other side, breathe in as Sam approaches Kurt. Blaine whispers, “Oh my god, Kurt,” as Sam leans over and yup, kisses him.

Sam has big lips - everyone knows that. And he must actually be curious because he doesn’t just plant a mandatory peck on Kurt’s mouth and back quickly away. Instead he lets his lips linger and soften and pull at Kurt’s top lip before letting go. Oh man.

“That was cool, dude!” Kurt is a bit dazed but he thinks he hears Sam utter some positive affirmation as he moves to sit back in his seat. “Still prefer the chicks, though.” And the room groans around him as Kurt crawls into the middle, lips tingling and adrenaline buzzing. He kissed a boy. And he liked it. Even though he didn’t really want to kiss Sam. It was cool...dude.

Mercifully or mercilessly, Kurt’s bottle lands on Brittany and it’s over before he even thinks about it. Brittany then kisses Santana who somehow gets the bottle to stop on Sam again, determined to show the rest of them how it’s done. Puck and Finn ‘woop’ and Mercedes rolls her eyes at the over the top make out display.

“I thought it was hotter when he kissed you, frankly.” Kurt turns sharply to Blaine whispering in his ear and it makes him hot all over. Kurt huffs. Blaine knows he has a crush on him. He knows.

“I guess that makes you gay, Blaine.” Sarcasm is the best defense.

“Did it-,” Blaine tries, “Did it, you know, feel nice?” Blaine looks at him - earnestly curious - but also, something that turns his eyes darker. Alcohol, Kurt reminds himself.

“I guess,” Kurt tries for non-chalance and a beat goes by as Sam crawls back into the middle of the circle. But they’ve always been honest with each other, he’s his only gay friend, and why shouldn’t he tell the truth. So Kurt turns to him, “Yeah, actually,” and a smile involuntarily spreads across his face. “It felt really nice. Stubble,” Kurt giggles and whispers into Blaine’s ear and Blaine matches his smile but there’s a flash of what Kurt instinctively feels is jealousy. About Sam? Blaine barely knows him. Though he is hot.

You have got to be kidding me. Kurt’s jaw drops as Sam’s bottle spin stops right by him again. Only this time it is clearly not pointing at him but at his neighbour. Blaine.

“I guess you’ll be able to judge for yourself,” Kurt manages before turning to look at Rachel. Or Santana. Or literally anywhere but where Sam is kissing Blaine. He’s hot all over. And he is definitely raging with jealousy. You struck out, cupid.

“Oh my god, that’s hot,” Santana howls from across the circle and Kurt can’t resist despite himself. He looks. Like with him, Sam’s lips are pressed firmly to Blaine’s, Sam’s hand around Blaine’s neck. Blaine’s eyes are closed and he thinks he hears a little hum. Kurt is biting his lower lip hard enough to almost draw blood when Blaine’s eyes open and stare directly at him. Sam is still there, pressed to his mouth but Blaine’s eyes don’t move. It feels like a challenge.

And then Sam pops up, claps his hands, high fives Blaine and sits back down. Blaine kisses Rachel and the game wraps up when the two of them can’t resist singing a duet. Of course. While the music is blaring and Blaine is bopping on Rachel’s make shift stage, Kurt lies down on the floor and closes his eyes, images of Sam kissing him, Sam kissing Blaine, and Blaine’s eyes boring through him making him feel drunk like the rest of them.

...

“So?” Kurt knocks into Blaine’s shoulder as he plops down beside him on the couch as Blaine hands him a coke, performance itch sufficiently scratched for the evening. Blaine looks at him blankly. “Come on, Blaine.” More confusion. “Are you going to make me spell it out for you? Sam? The kiss?”

Blaine nods and smiles sheepishly. “You kissed him too. You know.”

“Know what? How Sam kisses?”

“Yeah,” Blaine nods. “You know, it’s good.”

Well, this is turning out to be very unexciting. What is even the point of a gay friend whom you can’t have except for as a friend who won’t even talk to you about the obvious. It’s probably no big deal to Blaine, anyways. One of his many. “Doesn’t measure up to your others, Mr. Casanova?” The sarcasm drips out of him. It’s like his porcupine quills.

“What? No.” Blaine looks confused. “You know I’ve never been with anyone, Kurt.” No, he didn’t.

“Not even a hook up?”

“With all the hot teenaged gay boys hanging around Dalton?” Blaine waves his hand dismissively. Kurt closes his eyes, willing them not to give his heart away.

“Yeah. Guess not.” Kurt says flatly and walks over to refill his coke.

...

Blaine feels the absence of warm, too close Kurt as he watches him walk over to the drinks. Blaine had just brought him a drink. Why did he leave just when they were starting to talk about things? The truth is that kissing Sam was nice, but not that nice. He was about to tell Kurt that he imagines it might be more exciting to kiss a gay guy when Kurt mistakenly took him for a casanova? Kurt witnessed his great failure of a Gap Attack. What gay guys does Kurt think he even has access to at Dalton?

Oh. Ohhhh. Oh shit. Blaine has been told that he can sometimes be clueless. Like accidentally saying literally the opposite of what he wanted to say. Kurt must want to kill him.

He’s been thinking about it since Valentine’s Day. I mean - who wouldn’t? Kurt actually is gay, and smart, and cute, but also his best friend. And he was sticking to his guns not to screw things up between them. Until about ten minutes ago - when literally every permutation of the New Directions were hooking up with each other, he’s had a beer, and he watched Kurt kiss Sam. Not him. Sam. And he couldn’t take his eyes off of the way Kurt’s chin jutted out and Kurt’s cheeks got pink and hot and he felt like he wanted to touch the heat. Then it was his turn and Sam was hot and willing and kissing back (at least for the requisite 10 seconds) but all he could think about, even after that kiss, was why am I sitting with this ridiculous group of drunk people, kissing a straight guy, watching Kurt kiss a straight guy, when Kurt is right here. God, he is clueless.

“Kurt.” Kurt doesn’t turn around. “Kurt,” Blaine says louder in his ear. Kurt turns now, eyes icy. “Can you come here for a sec?” Blaine motions to the quiet corner under the stairs, away from staring eyes and drinking games. Kurt huffs and follows him.

Kurt crosses his arms, puts his weight on his left hip, and rolls his eyes. And Blaine can’t help it, he laughs at the irony of what is actually happening versus what Kurt thinks is happening. Of course this causes Kurt to pivot on his heel and start walking away but not before he catches him.

Blaine grabs his arm, turns him back around and pulls Kurt as close to him as Kurt will allow. “Don’t go, Kurt. I’m sorry. I think you misunderstood something I said.”

“What that kissing Sam was hot?”

Blaine shakes his head. “It was nice. But Sam is straight, you know?”

“Yeah, I know. Though sometimes I think you forget.”

“That Sam is straight?”

“No. That I’m gay.”

“That’s what I think you misunderstood.”

“Oh I understood. You made it perfectly clear on Valentine’s Day-”

“I was wrong.” Blaine cuts Kurt off and reaches for him, using Kurt’s momentary surprise to take a deep breath and just go for it. Blaine shivers as he kisses Kurt with all the built up feelings let out of the bottle Blaine closed so tightly months ago. He thinks he hears Kurt mumble something like oompf and tense up but Blaine kisses him softly and openly, like Sam did, and the tension fades and then Kurt is kissing him too. Blaine puts the palm of his hand on the pink of Kurt’s cheek. Kurt mirrors him. They’re kissing. Really kissing. And he doesn’t want this to end after the requisite ten seconds so he tries to make Kurt want to stay. By putting his tongue, slowly and teasingly, into Kurt’s mouth. It feels so soft, and good, and tastes like a mint coke -

Kurt pulls away. Shit. Blaine looks down and shudders. “That was too much, wasn’t it?”

“No,” Kurt says quickly. Blaine looks up and Kurt looks so hot. In both ways. And stunned. I just-”

“It’s just that you told me you liked me- You do still like me, right? I mean I hope-”

“Yes, Blaine. I still like you. But you just told me that I don’t even register as a gay guy at Dalton fit for-”

“That’s what I think you misunderstood,” Blaine blushes and he feels like they must match perfectly. “I haven’t kissed anyone before, Kurt. This is Lima. And Dalton. And there aren’t people for us to “hook up with” everywhere,” Blaine reminds. “And I guess I was waiting for a little romance? Not a hook up. Not a drinking game with a straight guy. Even a hot one.”

“So why now?” Kurt is still suspicious as he touches his own lips and Blaine can’t resist. He puts his hand over top of Kurt’s and traces them with him. It’s romantic. And hot.

“Other than just having the clueless knocked out of me?”

“Yes. What exactly knocked the clueless out of you at Rachel Berry’s drunken New Directions party?”

“You’re going to laugh.” Blaine can’t really believe it himself.

“Try me.”

“You’re going to think I’m shallow.”

“I doubt that.”

“When you kissed Sam,” Blaine pauses and chuckles at himself, “I was jealous.”

“Me too. I mean when you kissed him. Obviously.” Kurt is shaking his head.

“I’d never kissed anyone before,” Blaine reiterates.

“Me neither. At least not one that counted.”

“Does Sam count?” Blaine flirts as he steps back into Kurt’s orbit, bodies close enough to alternate legs, arms on each other’s arms.

“I’m not sure,” Kurt says. “He wasn’t bad. I’m just not sure if it counts as a real kiss.” Blaine may be clueless but he’s pretty sure that Kurt is being coy. It’s new. He likes it.

“So what counts as a real kiss?” Blaine asks, inches from where he wants to be kissing Kurt again.

There is an awkward pause in the conversation as Kurt bites his lower lip, looking like he’s trying to find the right words. Blaine waits.

“Put your tongue back in my mouth, and I’ll show you.”

Blaine doesn’t need to be asked again.

#gleekto writes #klaine fic #sorry friends this isn't really kublam but hopefully you'll indulge #whoever thought I'd write klaine fic again?#but here we are

121 notes · View notes

nerdygaymormon · 5 years

Note

On twitter you mentioned you were making a song list for Pride. What's on your playlist?

Everyone has their own list of songs, but here’s my Pride playlist. This includes songs by LGBT performers, gay anthems, songs that are about LGBT topics & people, and songs that if you squint they speak to the queer experience. And many of these are great songs for dancing, which makes sense as even today most of the specifically-queer spaces are bars and dance clubs.

1939 - Over the Rainbow : Judy Garland - “the dreams that you dream of […] really do come true.” When homosexual acts were illegal – the term “friend of Dorothy” was underground slang for a gay man.

1964 - Don’t Rain on my Parade - Barbra Streisand - We do like great big colorful parades, don’t we. Please don’t rain on those parades. The song is about how we got one life and so live it with gusto, do the things you most want to do. I’m holding my own parade and nobody is going to rain on it.

1966 - You Don’t Have to Say You Love Me : Dusty Springfield - The singer proclaims she’ll take whatever she can get from the object of her love. Generations of closeted women & men could identify with that. “You don’t have to say you love me, just be close at hand. You don’t have to stay forever, I will understand”

1969 - Make Your Own Kind of Music : Mama Cass - The message is about taking pride in your uniqueness and individualism

1975 - Dancing Queen : ABBA - This is a story of a 17-year-old girl on a nightclub dance floor, lost in the music and the moment. Of course, “queen” has a different meaning in the queer community and so this is often sung tongue-in-cheek. Over the years, queer acts like Erasure covered ABBA’s songs, and their songs were featured in several movies that appealed to gay audiences, making ABBA icons in the community.

1977 - I Feel Love : Donna Summer - A song about loving your body and your desires, a powerful sentiment for people whose attractions were once seen as deviant. Try to listen to this song and not feel like dancing.

1977 - I Will Survive : Gloria Gaynor - You can imagine marginalized people asking the same questions in the song: “Did you think I’d crumble? Did you think I’d lay down and die?” The gay community has embraced lyrics that are a declaration of pride “I used to cry / But now I hold my head up high.” Even after decades of progress, many LGBTQ+ people still have to deal with daily assaults on their personhood & “I Will Survive” remains relevant.

1978 - Don’t Stop Me Now : Queen - Essentially the song is just a man intent on having a wild night out and inviting the rest of us to come along for the ride or else get out of his way. The love interests flip between male & female and back again, which makes sense since Freddie Mercury was bisexual.

1978 - Y.M.C.A. : Village People - Very fun song. The lyrics make me think of young gay teens being kicked out of their homes by their parents, many of whom migrated to big cities like New York. The YMCA’s provided shelter for them. “Young man, there’s no need to feel down. I said, young man, pick yourself off the ground. I said, young man, ‘cause you’re in a new town. There’s no need to be unhappy.” And of course, the lyrics hint at all the gay activity, too. “You can stay there, and I’m sure you will find many ways to have a good time. It’s fun to stay at the YMCA. They have everything for you men to enjoy. You can hang out with all the boys.“

1978 - You Make Me Fee (Mighty Real) : Sylvester - The singer is black, gay and some form of gender queer and sings the song in falsetto. The words about feeling real, those mean something to people who had to come to terms with who they are.

1979 - Go West : Village People - This song imagines a utopia free of homophobia and discrimination. It’s a song of queer community & spirit, and we’ll do it “Together!”

1979 - Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! (A Man After Midnight) : ABBA - is about a woman alone in an apartment watching television late at night as the wind howls outside. She says, “Gimme, gimme, gimme a man after midnight.” A sentiment many a gay man could sing along with.

1979 - We are Family : Sister Sledge - The song has a message of unity, and gay people often have to build a chosen family, and this song fits that.

1980 - I’m Coming Out : Diana Ross - Yes, this song is about that kind of “coming out.” The lyrics also are about being your truest self and throwing aside shame’s shackles.

1981 - Tainted Love : Soft Cell - The gay experience is not all about empowerment & acceptance. Sometimes it’s about a narcissist who breaks your heart. This song coming at the start of the AIDS crisis came to represent some of the angst that was part of gay life. “Once I ran to you, now I’ll run from you.”

1982 - Do You Really Want to Hurt Me : Culture Club - Boy George wrote the lyrics about his relationship with the drummer Jon Moss. They had an affair for about six years that was kept hidden from the public, and George often felt hurt and emotional. The concept of the video is about being gay and victimized for your sexuality. It shows Boy George getting kicked out of different places in various historical settings. In the courtroom, the jurors are in blackface to show the bigotry and hypocrisy of the many gay judges and politicians in the UK who’d enacted anti-gay legislation.

1982 - It’s Raining Men : The Weather Girls - Super campy song, ridiculous words, but it’s sung fearlessly with vocal pyrotechnics that take the song over the top in the best possible sense. Yes, what gay boy didn’t wish it was raining men?

1983 - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun : Cyndi Lauper - This song is about breaking the rules, letting go, being free and being visible. And yeah, lesbians wanna have fun.

1983 - Relax : Frankie goes to Hollywood - At a time when gay sexuality was still mostly communicated via clever allusions and nonsexual portrayals of gay people, “Relax” was a song about sex—and despite the video being banned by the BBC and MTV—was the biggest pop song in the world.

1984 - I Want to Break Free : Queen - He’s complaining about the person he’s with, wants to break free from the person’s lies. And when he is free, “life still goes on,” only now he can’t get used to living without this person. The video is a parody of U.K. soap opera Coronation Street, which has the entire band in drag, Freddie Mercury as a housewife. Seeing them in drag, of course, gives it a queer vibe. The video was banned in the U.S. 🙄

1985 - You Spin Me Round : Dead or Alive - The singer is queer and singing a love song, the New Wave music is hot, and this is an iconic classic of the 1980’s

1986 - True Colors : Cyndi Lauper - The song is about seeing who someone really is and loving them for it. And it doesn’t hurt that your “true colors are beautiful like a rainbow”

1987 - Always on my Mind : Pet Shop Boys - This is a remake of an Elvis song, but they dropped the references to a girl, making it ambiguous the gender they’re singing about.

1988 - A Little Respect : Erasure - Singer Andy Bell was one of the first openly gay pop stars to actually sing about queer romance. In this song he’s calling to a lover not to leave and asks the question, “What religion or reason could drive a man to forsake his lover?“

1989 - Express Yourself : Madonna - It’s basically about standing up for yourself in a relationship. Don’t go for “second-best” just because he treats you nicely in bed, but then is never there when you need him. So why is this in my Pride playlist? The music video!

1989 - Part of Your World : Jodi Benson - This song is from Disney’s The Little Mermaid, Ariel rejected traditional marriage partners and wants to marry a human against her father’s wishes. She dreams of being a part of the human world. For a long time the LGBT community has wanted to pursue romance & marriage with whom we want and belong to & be welcomed by society.

1990 - Freedom! ‘90 : George Michael - This song is cleverly about 2 things. One is about his career–the breakup of Wham! and then the success of Faith, and how he’s tired of being pushed around by his label so he’s taking control of his career and telling people to disregard the pop imagery of his past. It’s also about him wanting to come out of the closet regarding his homosexuality, “There’s something deep inside of me, there’s someone else I’ve got to be.” It would be almost another ten years before he was publicly out.

1990 - Gonna Make You Sweat : C+C Music Factory - Fun dance song. In a 1997 episode of the The Simpsons, a steel mill turns into a flamboyant gay club when this song comes over the loudspeaker

1992 - Constant Craving : k.d. lang - She had been a country singer, but came out as gay and released this song. Every lesbian knew exactly what k.d. was craving. There weren’t really any other lesbian pop stars who had come out.

1992 - This Used to be my Playground : Madonna - This song is about losing childhood innocence and gaining responsibilities. The song came to be seen as an ode to gay friends who died during the AIDS crisis, and the loss of innocence that epidemic caused.

1992 - The Last Song : Elton John - A young gay man dying of AIDS. The young man’s father “disowned” his son when he learned of his homosexuality only to overcome his homophobia when he learns that his son is dying and he has little time to spend with him. This one makes me cry.

1993 - Go West : Pet Shop Boys (a remake of the song by the Village People) - This song imagines a utopia free of homophobia and discrimination. It’s a song of queer community & spirit, and we’ll do it “Together!”

1993 - Come to my Window : Melissa Etheridge - Melissa put the rumors to rest by publicly coming out and then released an album titled “Yes, I Am.” This song from the album is about a love that’s steeped in secrecy “come to my window, crawl inside, wait by the light of the moon.” Certainly many gay people know about keeping a love on the down low. The song’s bridge really voices what a lot of queer people feel: “I don’t care what they think, I don’t care what they say. What do they know about this love, anyway?”

1993 - Supermodel : Rupaul - His debut single introduced much of America to “sashay/shantay.” RuPaul used this breakthrough hit to become the first mainstream-approved drag queen.

1995 - I Kissed a Girl : Jill Sobule - An honest song of yearning, confusion, and freedom

1996 - Fastlove : George Michael - A guy was in a committed relationship, didn’t work out and now he just wants to not worry about love. “Had some bad love, so fast love is all that’s on my mind.” But even as he’s saying he’s seeking a casual hookup, keeps saying he misses his baby, being with someone he loves would be his preference.

1997 - Man! I Feel Like a Woman : Shania Twain - This is about going out, letting down your hair and having a good time. Message is she loves being a woman. “The best thing about being a woman is the prerogative to have a little fun.” My queer friends who identify as women love feeling like a woman.

1998 - Believe : Cher - Whatever happens, you’ve gotta believe there’s something better coming. It’s about strength and power and hope. And the fact that it’s not always easy to be who you are.

1998 - Reflection : Christina Aguilera - This song is from the Disney movie Mulan. It’s about others not know the real you, which means the lyrics can also fit the experience of being in the closet. “Look at me. You may think you see who I really am, but you’ll never know me. Every day it’s as if I play a part.” The song also was adopted by a lot of trans people to say how they feel on the inside doesn’t match how they look on the outside. “Who is that girl I see staring straight back at me? Why is my reflection someone I don’t know?”

1998 - Outside : George Michael - George Michael was entrapped by police committing a lewd act in a public men’s bathroom in Los Angeles under suspicious circumstances. The video mocks the way queer men are held to different standards about sex. Straight rock stars screw groupies in bathrooms all the time without police interference.

1998 - It’s Not Right But It’s Okay : Whitney Houston - “I’m gonna be okay/ I’m gonna be alright” shows a certain defiance & determination to go on that strikes a chord with LGBT people

1999 - When She Loved Me : Sarah McLachlan - This is from Toy Story 2, if you remove the idea this is about a toy, the lyrics are about a woman reminiscing a past female lover.

2001 - Androgyny : Garbage - I think this song has two messages. First, don’t dismiss people who don’t fit traditional gender roles. The other message is about trans individuals who “can’t see the point in going on,” they’re reminded that “nothing in life is set in stone, there’s nothing that can’t be turned around.” “Boys in the girls room, Girls in the men’s room, You free your mind in your androgyny” Trans individuals who were assigned female at birth may consider themselves “boys in the girls room.” Then when they decide to present themselves as male, others may consider them to be “girls in the men’s room.”

2002 - Beautiful : Christina Aguilera - This song affirms those who feel they don’t fit in. The video includes young people with body issues, a goth punk, a (biological) man putting on women’s clothes and two guys kissing in public. “I am beautiful no matter what they say. Words can’t bring me down.” But songs can lift you up, and this one does.

2005 - Proud of Your Boy : Clay Aiken - This song was written for Aladdin. The words make me think of coming out and wondering what your parents are going to think and can you make your parents proud.

2006 - And I’m Telling You : Jennifer Hudson - This song is about an underdog, and being LGBT makes us underdogs in our heteronormative society. “And I am telling you that I’m not going.” I’m going to be here and I’m going to thrive, I’m going to be me and you’re going to see me and “You’re Gonna Love Me.” Those lyrics remind me about coming out and getting to be who you want to be, no matter what anybody tells you.

2006 - I Am What I Am : Ginger Minj - this song is from a broadway show about drag queens. The message is you only get one life so take your shots, whether or not they succeed, it’s better to live your life as who you are

2007 - I Don’t Dance : Corbin Bleu, Lucas Grabeel - This song from High School Musical 2 is a where Chad, co-president of the drama club, is trying to get Ryan, co-president of the basketball team, to “swing” to the other side, if you know what I mean. The scene in the movie is about playing baseball, and at the end of that shot, the two of them are sitting together wearing the other’s clothes. Guess Chad got Ryan to swing.

2009 - Bad Romance : Lady Gaga - First, it’s gender neutral so any of us can sing without translating pronouns. Second, it’s about loving someone completely, including the “bad” parts, “I want your ugly, i want your disease.” Third, Lady Gaga showed up to the 2010 MTV Music Awards w/ four members of the U.S. military who had been discharged or resigned because of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. When she went on stage to receive the Video of the Year award for “Bad Romance,” Gaga had changed into the now-infamous “meat dress,” as a way to show her anger about the military’s anti-LGBTQ policy. “If we don’t stand up for what we believe in and if we don’t fight for our rights, pretty soon we’re going to have as much rights as the meat on our bones,” she later explained to Ellen DeGeneres.

2009 - If I Had You : Adam Lambert - I love how the beginning sounds like the singer is going out to a gay club “So I got my boots on, got the right amount of leather, and I’m doing me up with a black color liner, and I’m working my strut.” Not the way we usually hear about a guy getting ready for a night out

2009 - Whataya Want From Me : Adam Lambert - I wonder if this song references when he was figuring out his sexuality with words like “Yeah, it’s plain to see, baby you’re beautiful and there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s me, I’m a freak.”

2010 - Raise Your Glass : P!nk - The song is a call to the underdogs of the world, the “loud and nitty-gritty dirty little freaks,” to ignore convention and just let loose.

2010 - Firework : Katy Perry - She’s saying everyone is a firework–an ordinary, ugly, or insignificant wrapping but when the right situation arises, like a flame to a fuse, they ignite and show how amazing, extraordinary, and beautiful each one of us is. No wonder it’s loved by the queer community, once we let out what’s inside us, others will see we’re bright and beautiful. I will always think of being at Pride and a preacher guy spewing hate had entered the grounds and people formed a circle around him and sang this song, and many others joined in until security removed him, it was beautiful.

2010 - Dancing on my Own : Robyn - It’s a break up song. “Somebody said you got a new friend. Does she love you better than I can? There’s a big black sky over my town.” But with a great dance beat like this, it’s a sure bet Robyn won’t be dancing on her own for long.

2010 - Grace Kelly : MIKA - While there aren’t any direct mentions of sexuality, this song is very much about how people have judged MIKA for being flamboyantly himself

2010 - Teenage Dream : Glee Cast - This song sung by one boy for another was a big moment on a big TV show.

2011 - We Found Love : Rihanna - Finding love in a hopeless place, for many queer people can mean what it’s like to be in a heteronormative society. Or also that hard transition to accept & love yourself, and imagining going from that to someone finding and loving you.

2011 - Americano : Lady Gaga - The song is about the unjust laws that exist in America, particularly regarding immigration and gay rights. She sings of a scenario in which she meets a girl from east L.A. (heavily Hispanic population) and falls in love with her but can’t marry due to the laws prohibiting gay marriage, “we fell in love but not in court.” As to the “I don’t speak your Americano/Languageono/Jesus Cristo” I think that’s refusing to use the type of rhetoric that is used to justify the laws.

2012 - Let’s have a Kiki : Scissor Sisters - A drag performer heading to put on a show but when she arrives at the club it’s been shut down by the police. Instead she calls up a friend and announces we’re coming over and having a kiki.

2012 - For All : Far East Movement - As the fight for marriage equality was taking place, this song’s lyrics meant a lot. “Love is for all. Life is for all. Dreams are for all. Hope is for all. Feel the love from everybody in the crowd now, this is for y’all, this is for all.” The video intersperses some uplifting words from President Obama.

2012 - People Like Us : Kelly Clarkson - the song is about all the people who are brave enough to challenge the social norms to bring about changes in the world. These words in particular strike me: “this is the life that we choose” and “come out, come out if you dare,”

2012 - They Don’t Know About Us : One Direction - The song is about how people tell a couple they shouldn’t be together, that their love isn’t real. Sound like something a queer couple might hear? In the song, no one can stop them, they’re together for life. And people thought this song might have been hinting about Larry Stylinson.

2013 - Closer : Tegan and Sara - Not many bands are made up of twin lesbian sisters. This song is really cute. The lyrics are about the anticipation before the kiss, before anything gets physical. It’s a love song that conjures adolescent longing, And it’s cherishing that gap between anticipation and release—asking to be closer, not touching. And it seems to speak to that particularly queer feeling of wanting someone you know you may never get.

2013 - Brave : Sara Bareilles - she wrote this catchy song of courage as a love letter to a friend who was struggling to come out as an adult.

2013 - Follow Your Arrow : Kacey Musgraves - “kiss lots of boys – or kiss lots of girls, if that’s something you’re into,” pretty remarkable to be included in a Country song

2013 - Same Love : Macklemore & Ryan Lewis - I have a nephew who got called gay for wearing stylish clothes, being neat, and interested in art & music. He had a hard time accepting that his uncle (me) is gay because of his experience, and it made me think of this song.

2013 - She Keeps Me Warm : Mary Lambert - A beautiful song about how women can love each other, protect each other and want each other. And the lyrics “not crying on Sundays” I think means not believing the damning words preached by religion about being gay

2013 - Really Don’t Care : Demi Levato - The video starts off with Lovato expressing her support for the LGBT community and saying that “Jesus loves all.” After that, the music starts and Levato is seen singing at a Pride parade.

2013 - Girls/Girls/Boys : Panic! At the Disco - This song describes a love triangle between a boy and two girls, and the boy is being played off against a girl for the other girl’s attention.

2014 - Break Free : Ariana Grande - Her older brother is gay and she grew up around his friends, she’s an ally. And the words of this song, “I’m stronger than I’ve been before. This is the part when I break free ’cause I can’t resist it no more” has the theme often found in gay anthems, that things are tough, but I’m tougher and going to make it.

2014 - Sleeping with a Friend : Neon Trees - Glenn Tyler says he was thinking of a straight friend when he wrote this (but used female pronouns in the song). It’s an unusual love song because it’s a cautionary tale of hooking up with someone you’re close with.

2014 - Sissy that Walk : Rupaul - a perfect walkway song for all those drag queens and any of the rest of us who want to flaunt it

2014 - Put ‘Em Up : Priory - The song begins with a religious mom saying her queer kid has some kind of sickness. But who gives anyone the right to judge another’s lover?

2014 - Rise Like a Phoenix - Conchita Wurst - This song is about combating prejudice and the judgement of others in modern society. Conchita won Eurovision wearing a gown, makeup and a beard.

2015 - Cool for the Summer : Demi Levato - She is curious and has a woman she’s gonna spend the summer exploring with. “Got a taste for the cherry and I just need to take a bite.”

2015 - Heaven : Troye Sivan - Troye sings candidly about what it’s like for a religious teenager to come out as gay, about the struggles coming to terms with your sexuality. “Without losing a piece of me, how do I get to heaven? Without changing a part of me, how do I get to heaven? All my time is wasted, feeling like my heart’s mistaken, oh, so if I’m losing a piece of me, maybe I don’t want heaven?” The video features footage from LGBTQ protests throughout history.

2015 - Youth : Troye Sivan - It’s a really beautiful song about giving the best years of yourself to someone you love.

2016 - Alive : Sia - The song is about someone who had a tough life, but is like, “I’m still breathing.” It is the personification of power.

2016 - G.D.M.M.L. Grls : Tyler Glenn - Despite his best efforts to make church work, it didn’t work out because God Didn’t Make Me Like Girls.

2016 - Genghis Khan : Mike Snow - This video surprised me the first time I watched. It’s a James Bond-type hero & villain who fall for each other.

2016 - The Greatest : Sia - Dedicated to the LGBT community in the wake of the Pulse shooting, Sia begs us to not give up and to follow our dreams.

2017 - Bad Liar : Selena Gomez - the video portrays a love triangle (with each character played by Selena)–a curious high school student, seductive gym coach and male teacher. Towards the end of the video, the high school student sings the line, “With my feelings on fire, guess I’m a bad liar,” as she looks at a photo of the gym teacher. It’s a scene that shows the fear of acknowledging and declaring our sexuality—a moment of many a queer experience.

2017- If You Were Gay : San Francisco Gay Men’s Chorus - This song is from the musical Avenue Q. This choir’s performance of the song is delightful.

2017 - You Will Be Found : Ben Platt - This song from Dear Evan Hansen means a lot to me. There’s a gay teen who posted a question on Tumblr, I responded, and together we’ve been through a lot, suicidality, helped him with coming out and nerves about a first love. He says this is our song because I found him. But for everyone, this song is hopeful that when you need it, someone will be there for you.

2017 - 1-800-273-8255 : Logic - This is a song about a closeted guy who is suicidal and calls a help line. The operator wants him to be alive and helps save him in that moment.

2017 - Bad at Love : Halsey - Halsey flips through all the guys and girls she’s dated in an attempt to understand why she hasn’t yet found love. Queen of bisexual relatability!

2018 - A Million Dream : P!nk - this song from The Greatest Showman is about the power of positive thinking, faith and believing in your dreams. For queer people, it’s a reminder that we are building a better world.

2018 - All the Things : Betty Who - This is the theme song for the wildly popular Netflix show Queer Eye.

2018 - Promises : Calvin Harris, Sam Smith - a glittery homage to vogueing and drag ballroom culture in the music video.

2019 - You Need to Calm Down : Taylor Swift - an entire verse that’s literally about going to a Pride parade.

#Pride #Pride Playlist

89 notes · View notes

gayliensav · 6 years

Text

the opening card of fear the walking dead is literally the most annoying sound to my overly sensitive ears

but im starting a rewatch, just gonna keep updating this post below the cut

S1E01: “Pilot”

ahahhaha that millennial daughter of theirs not watching to eat gluten. Bet the local white moms who are casual watchers for Norman loved this joke

Alicia is the only character I have liked from the very beginning (besides like...Strand, but he wasn’t in the first ep)

Like I know everyone is up Madison’s ass (at least they were last time I checked and I’m a few seasons behind), but I don’t like her or Travis all that much

Nick changed for me, I used to hate him but he got a little better

Nick hating Travis???? A BIG FUCKING MOOD

Like I understand that as the viewers who watch TWD we’re supposed to be annoyed with their decisions, which is how I feel from the beginning, but I do realize that’s how they want us to feel.

“You need to take Christopher” “i DoNt WaNnA gO”

He’s literally asking his son, a teenager, to come and spend the weekend in the hospital with someone he barely knows, like what does he expect here??

the lead up draaaaags on for too long

*slams fist on desk* wheres isaac lahey

I think one of the main problems with the relationships in this show is that there’s no lead up and no development, they just immediately love each other. Like with Rick and Michonne, we had seasons of lead up, but not with these two. The writers of this are capable of writing good relationships, they just chose to drag these two heteros into the main stage without giving them any backstory in the beginning.

This liveblog is going to consist of me making quips and then actual analysis of stuff

i walked out of the room to go to the bathroom and didnt miss anything

this one kids got it covered, tobias is prolly still out there

thats what I expected Paul Rovia to be like at the beginning of the apocalypse. Everyone is like dicking around and hes like nah fam and yeets his body outta town

the whole show is on 123movies, btw, dont give amc the numbers by watching it on their site. They also don’t have the first few seasons available anyways, so

like why don’t they just go check the building instead of saying Nick was just drugged. Like I know he was high, but he saw dead bodies, they need to call the police and have them check that shit out. Instead Travis just goes there by himself. Ricky Grimes would not approve.

I forget how long until the actual apocalypse stuff happens, but I’m getting a teeny bit bored already.

“Something really bad happened there” “I don’t care” lmao WHAT, Madison????

“You cannot enable him” IM HOWLING THESE WORDS JUST CAME FROM MADISON’S MOUTH

I paused and 50 pop ups came up, thanks

you know alicia’s bf goes down

IS THAT ANDRE FROM VICTORIOUS

ITS LEON

they really teased us with an almost-zombie huh almost like they knew we were bored

fffff there aint a doubt in my mind that anyone from the pilot except tobias and alicia survived this show

nick’s yeetin outta here

Like the concept of being in a huge city during the beginning was great, but we didn’t really get very much of that. The first few episodes especially when Travis was trying to get Chris and was stuck in that barber shop was great. Like that’s one of the few episodes of this that really stick in my mind. Those crazy fucking scenes were great.

“there’s no bodies...they couldn’t just get up and walk away” lollllll what clever writers WE HAVE

Like I’ll give Travis credit, he did try to be a good dad and stepdad...just bad timing, not great decisions in the end of the world, etc. Like the one scene where he was swearing he’d drag Nick to rehab??? That scene got me feelin’ stuff.

YES FINALLY SOME TENSION ON THE HIGHWAY LETS GO LESBIANS THIS IS THE WALKING FUCKING DEAD

lol a helicopter

you know why all these kids aren’t in school??? their parents are anti-vaxxers

walkers walkers walker walkers LETS GO THERES A WALKER

“killshot, bitch”

that took way too long to be the first episode goddamn

S1E02: “So Close, Yet So Far”

Ooooo cellphones are starting to go, shits getting good now

I’m like 30 minutes in and haven’t liveblogged anything, I’m bored

Well, that was that.

S1E03: “The Dog”

I hate this already because of the title we stan (1) TWD Dog in this house and his name is Dog Dixon

this star wars now???

See, I’m a neutral gay who just likes to watch chaos. A chaotic neutral, if you will. So this episode is fucking WILD, like this is what I mentioned before.

the monopoly scene was wholesome

I guess I could see Paul joining in on this chaos for a bit until he realized oh shit this aint good chief THEN yeeting outta there

Fun fact, the truck they use for the first part of Fear is Daryl, Aaron, and Paul’s truck on the askjaaryl blog:

The music while they’re driving is on fucking point, like it kinda sounds like that one TWD theme (the hopeful one) but remixed.

The scene where all the lights in the city go off PHEW poetic cinema

Madison: DONT LET IT IN! Nick: ITS A DOG! -- Daryl felt that

I frozzee I thought for a hot minute that it was Dog

He a cutie tho

that poor doggo im so sick of this show’s treatment towards them like

if anything happens to Dog, I think Norman will quit and rightfully so

i feel like just a few people in the post-apocalyptic world where zombie movies dont exist were just blessed with the knowledge that you have to shoot the head

damn chris really didnt do shit and got a whole broken nose huh

so far, stan list: alicia, victor strand (he hasnt appeared but yyknow), and chris sort of

they need a doctor but she never went to school before the end of hte world is this how alex feels all the time

S1E04: “Not Fade Away”

The opening to this one always really stuck with me. Like it’s so normal but you know it’s not.

lol remember that time everyone freaked the fuck out thinking this was Carl

I feel like Ophelia and this soldier dude would have one of those conversations where it’s like “what do you like about me?” “you’re beautiful” “is that it?”

deadass don’t care if nick is over 18, she still hit her son who has an addiction he can’t control

I think this is where I started to hate Madison. Instead of blaming the people who did it, she blamed Liza. Because that makes sense.

S1E05: “Cobalt”

YOU ARE MY DAD YOURE MY DAD BOOGIE WOOGIE WOOGIE

Strand out here scamming the heteros since before the apocalypse started

Paul Rovia and Victor Strand had a thing, you can’t change my mind

Everything but Strand’s scenes is boring to me and there is an extreme lack of those.

S1E06: “The Good Man”

Honestly, the relationship between Nick and Strand was really great.

“We’re gonna get along fine, Nick’s mom” is one of my favorite lines because like...it’s like a little kid talking to someone else’s parent, but he’s a grown ass man and he knows damn well how funny he is.

So wait did Ophelia die???

oop nope she good

lol she deadass apologizing that he got taken and not for beating her own son but OKAAAAAY

S2E01: “The Monster”

Here we go, a full length season this time. Let’s see how this goes.

#sav watches;

4 notes · View notes

saijspellhart · 6 years

Text

ML Fluff Month 26: Please

<<Previous ~ Next>>

Read it on AO3

This is part of a collaboration between: @saoirse7ilysi, @yamina20-blog, @ao3bronte, @aknazer and myself in celebration of @miraculousfluffmonth!

26: Please (Adrien/Nino)

Summary: Nino is a dragon-slayer and Adrien is a sexy dragon.

Nino fell to the ground gasping. His lungs aching for air, and every intake of breath straining his chest muscles.

This was it. This was how he would die.

A long shadow fell over him, toxic green eyes boring into his soul.

In all his years as a dragon-slayer he had never begged for mercy. He had always been the champion, the victor. The one that triumphed over mere beasts. To fall this far... how did it happen?

The green-eyed devil slithered ever closer, it's lips peeling back to reveal rows upon rows of fangs, small and sharp as knives, meant for cutting flesh and rending it from bone.

One out-stretched arm came for him, retractable claws bared at the ends of giant cat-like paws.

He couldn't take anymore, he would rather beg for mercy then continue on as this foul creature's plaything.

"Please!" Nino gasped, kicking bits of treasure and attempting to crawl away. "Please stop!"

His cries fell upon deaf ears, just as dragon paws descended upon his torso.

"Adrien! No!" Nino screamed as he began writhing in the gold again, laughter exploding from his chest against his will.

The dragon was relentless, knowing just how to manipulate his claws and toe-beans to tickle the dragon-slayer, rather than maim him.

"Say it!" the dragon snarled.

"Alright! Alright!" Nino shrieked, clawing at the gold but feeling the coins ultimately give under his hands. "We go! Wegowegowegowego!"

The dragon released him, settling back on its haunches in victory and howling a thunderous, "Yesssss!" It was enough to shake the ruins, and make the pillars tremble.

Ashamed and exhausted, Nino collapsed into the gold, two seconds from sobbing. His lungs struggling to push and pull air, and his heart hammering around his ribcage like a smithy.

"This..." he puffed, "is going... to end very... badly."

"Don't be such a pessimist," said Adrien. He stretched his large body out across the piles gold next to Nino and began rolling around, displacing large quantities of coins.

"Dude, someone needs to counter balance your unyielding optimism." Nino sat up and began picking gold coins from his pauldrons, and anywhere else the coins had decided to go. When he shifted his hips he felt some things move that shouldn't ought to be moving like that.

Swell, they're in my pants too. He eyed the large golden beast next to him, and tried to discreetly dig coins out of his crotch.

Luckily Adrien didn't notice, too busy basking in his victory.

"So what's the plan, bro?" He dug the last coin from his pants and hurled it at Adrien, catching the dragon in the ear with it. "The moment we enter a human town, with you looking like... this," He gestured to all of Adrien, "they are going to brandish sword and pitch fork, and if they don't chase you off, they will kill you. Worst case scenario, I'm forced to kill you."

"You wouldn't kill me~" Adrien sang, rolling on to his back and curling his head around to give Nino a big pair of kitten eyes.

"I don't want to kill you, but you'd put me in a position where my only choice would be that, or face execution."

Adrien rose off the ground to his full height, which actually wasn't all that large for a dragon. He was only the length of two horses, not counting his serpentine tail, and as a quadruped he didn't stand much taller than one horse. Although if he stood up on his hind legs he was towering.

He was sleek and feline-esque, with lithe toned muscles under beautiful golden fur. No wings, or spikes, or horns, Adrien was the most beautiful and beast-like dragon Nino had ever encountered, and it would've been a damn shame of slay something so majestic.

Adrien was also the friendliest and most naive dragon that Nino had ever encountered, which led them to their current predicament. Adrien wanted to go see a human town... full of humans.

"This," large claws thrust themselves into Nino's field of vision, showing off a large black Damascus steel band.

"What's this?" Nino didn't dare touch it in case it was cursed, or enchanted. He glanced between the band and Adrien who was grinning widely.

"It's an enchanted ring," he explained. "Some rings grant power, invisibility, or invulnerability. This one will make me appear and feel human."

Nino stared down at the black band dubiously, "that is no ring, bro. That's like a bangle, or a circlet."

Adrien stuck out his tongue, and wrinkled his snout. "It's not meant for humans, it's meant for dragons." And with that he slipped the band over the middle toe on his right paw.

At first nothing appeared to happen, the ring was a little big on Adrien, and wasn't suited for feline paws anyway. But after a minute, the swirling pattern on the ring trembled, and came alive.

Where Nino had expected some flashy glow of bright white light, instead he saw bubbling black acid, it seemed to ooze up from the ring and crawl over Adrien's fur. It enveloped the dragon's body like some nightmarish horror, and ate away the dragon's size and shape.

Nino had no words, he honestly feared for his friend's life. And if he hadn't been scared into a state of paralysis he might've thrown himself on the dragon and ripped the ring off its paw.

Adrien didn't make a sound, the acidic bubbling black covering his body never made a sound. Smaller and smaller the dragon's form shrank, until he was shorter than Nino, and quickly enough, the black ooze bubbled itself out and evaporated into thin air.

All the golden fur was gone.

Well most of it.

It was reduced to an unruly gold mop on the top of a young man's head. ...And also his crotch.

Nino swallowed, and tried to keep his eyes above the belt. Bringing a whole new meaning to the term, cash and prizes.

Skin, pale, perfect, creamy skin, like the fresh cow's milk delivered to his doorstep every morning. Swooping aristocratic nose, lean but lithe body, and thighs... thighs for days.

Look at his face you heathen! Nino dragged his eyes back up to meet Adrien's cheerful and hopeful expression. Beautiful wheatgrass green irides blinked back at him under full blonde-tipped lashes.

"How do I look Nino? Am I human enough now?" And when he opened his mouth and spoke, there were fangs.

Nino swallowed... painfully. "No-not quite."

Adrien frowned at that. His neat blonde brows stitching together in frustration. He turned and marched across the gold, giving Nino an eyeful of his exposed backside.

Oh god, even his ass is perfect. He could feel his skin growing hot under all his clothing and armor, and hoped to god his dark skin color concealed the blush that was surely erupting all over his cheeks.

Adrien bent and collected a polished silver mirror from the hoard and stared into it.

"Well, I don't see what the matter is, Nino. I look human to me." He came marching back to the dragon-slayer, eyes glued to the mirror in his hands.

"Humans, don't have uh... sharp teeth," Nino fumbled, trying to look anywhere besides the very naked male in front of him, and failing.

Adrien pulled back his lip with a finger, and ran a long tongue over his canines. "It's not so bad."

"You also have pointed ears, slitted pupils, and claws, Dude. You have claws."

The former dragon inspected his hands, holding them up to admire the little pointed claws on the tip of each finger. "All the better to tickle you with." He grinned impishly.

"No bro!" Nino yelled. "Humans don't look like that!"

All at once Adrien's expression fell, and he crumpled in on himself like a wounded animal. Where once there had been pride and confidence, there was suddenly modesty and shame. His arms crossed over his naked torso, clutching his shoulders.

"Am I hideous?"

Hell no! and Nino realized a dragon would have no understanding of human beauty standards. Looking different to Adrien would translate as looking ugly.

"You-you're handsome, just different," Nino tried to explain.

"Am I too different?"

"Nope!" He squeaked. "You'll be fine. We can make this work."

"Really?" Adrien looked up at him again with hopeful eyes, and Nino found himself nervously adjusting his spectacles.

"Yeah, can we just... maybe get you some clothes, Dude? A shirt, some pants, shoes, maybe some gloves. You'll be looking fine—human in no time."

"Oh I got clothes covered," He winked playfully and Nino. "I have chests full of human clothes. It's one of my favorite things to hoard."

Regretfully Nino watched Adrien march off across the gold, once again giving the dragon-slayer a full view.

Oh god, I'm gay now... He tried to remind himself that Adrien was actually a dragon, a big furry, beast-like dragon, with claws and teeth, and a luxurious tail. Nino swallowed and his throat felt tight and dry. And... I'm also a furry. Or was he a scalie? How did one classify in this situation? Adrien may have been a dragon but he definitely didn't have any scales.

"Hey Nino!" Adrien called across the room, from the other side of the hoard pile. "What dress should I wear? I have this pretty red one with lace and corset. But I also have this lovely green one. It's got trailing sleeves and ruffles!"

It took longer than Nino would have liked to make the gears in his head switch from introspection to what ever the hell Adrien was going on about.

"I'm rather partial to ruffles," he added.

Finally Nino's brain registered what Adrien was attempting to wear. Ears burning hotly, imagination running wild with mental images, Nino bit the inside of his cheek and started over the mound of gold. Hoping beyond hope that Adrien didn't take notice of the problem in his trousers.

"Do you have anything besides expensive dresses?"

Tomorrow @ao3bronte will be treating you to the prompt Post-Akuma Comfort.

#mlfluffmonth #adrino #ninoir #adrien agreste #Nino lahiffe #sexy Nino dragon slayer #sexy dragon adrien #Saijspellhart writes #fanfiction #fanfic #miraculous tales of ladybug and cat noir

55 notes · View notes

wingedauthor · 6 years

Text

Voltron Season 7 or the Weakest Season

So I just finished Voltron season 7 with my best friend and I do agree with a lot of the criticisms. This really did feel like the weakest season in my personal opinion. (Yes, worse than season 2). However I still don't hate the show as a whole. I'm just going to go over my pros and cons.

CONS:

* First, let's get the elephant out of the room: they should not have hyped up Adam and Shiro's relationship at Comic Con. I do think that was a big mistake and they would have avoided all this backlash. That being said, there's not much else that happened this season to hype up (more on that later) so I'm guessing that was their thinking.

* Pacing - Voltron has always had a massive problem with pacing and Season 7 demonstrated that the most. Some scenes were gone over too quickly (Like the whole Blade of Marmora killer guy or the full extent of Voltron's disappearance). While others were unnecessarily drawn out. Like we really didn't need 2 whole episodes dedicated to Earth preparing. That could have been easily cut to one and use that extra time to establish more of the repercussions on the universe.

* Allurance- okay so I might still be a little salty about Lotura however this has more to do with Allura's character. In season 7, she has not shown any interest in Lance in previous seasons and now she's all blushy around him? To me that didn't fit. I think they were trying to go for a whole Aatara idea but haven't developed their relationship like Avatar did. Again this goes back to pacing. Hell Shallura seemed to have more chemistry this season than Allurance this season! And Shiro's gay! (He could be bi but you get the point). I loved that she built him a new arm. And then sacrificed basically her last tie to Altea she has to save him. But anyways. I'm not hating on Allurance shippers. If it's meant to be then I feel it deserves to be more developed.

* This season was 13 episodes long and it really felt like nothing happened. My best friend and I could barely stay awake the first half of the season (save for the game show episode and the trapped in space episode). I think they went for a full season because nothing really happened in the first 6 episodes and fans would be even more upset. It wasn't till the final few episodes that things got really exciting.

* Shiro's new arm- more of a nitpick than a legit complaint but Shiro's arm had my best friend and I howling at how stupid it looks. They could have made a full arm.

* Character Placement - Again kind of a pacing issue but we kept losing track of characters. Where did Acxa go? Which Lion was Kaltenecker in? How did she survive the space battles? Did she die when they kept getting blasted? They never showed the Paladins dropping off their pets. Did Lance really just leave his sister stranded? How did she get back on the Atlas? I have so many questions.

* Coran can shapeshift? I thought Lotor said only special Alteans could do that... Also I like that they brought that ability back for one episode for the first time since season 1. I guess using it all the time would get old but Allura uses her quintessence-ex-machina all the time so....

Now onto the stuff I really enjoyed:

* The animation - other than the Earth cities, the animation I felt was the best this season. The art and animation of Voltron I feel has always been it's strongest point. Say what you will about the writers but you have to appreciate the hard work Studio Mir pours into this show.

* The lost in space episode - wow that was a good episode and it felt maddening to watch. They probably could have expanded it more and cover several issues they've been glossing over (Like Lance's and Keith's death) but I was glad Hunk got to shine. Also that creature was terrifying. Like a Cthulu type monster hunting them by driving them insane.

* Hunk - Just Hunk. It was so good to see him finally get his moment. Again could have been expanded more but what we got was still good. I loved his family. I love that they had slight accents without being too racially stereotypical of Samoan culture. AND SHAY! IT WAS SO GOOD TO SEE SHAY AGAIN!

* The Earth team. I really liked their characters and designs. Probably didn't need 2 episodes for them but I liked their chemistry when Voltron arrived. They share beats with the Paladins but they're not carbon copies. Kinkade is the strong silent type (I think he like 2 lines?), Veronica was the risk taker, the blonde girl (Sorry I can't remember her name) reminded me of Armin, James was a pre-season 6 Keith and the purple haired girl was bubbly.

* THE FREAKING ATLAS - Dude that was awesome. It was like a giant, giant Baymax. I gotta wonder though how the other crew men (Like the guys who recharged the jets) felt suddenly being turned into legs.

* Colleen Holt - She was awesome.

* Commander Shiro - I read some people saying he got sidelined. While he did in the first half of the season, I felt he really stepped up in the second half. He basically took Allura's position. And I think it shows he's grown. He went from being a pilot/teacher, to being a leader of Voltron, to leading an entire fleet and a huge Voltron. That was awesome.

* That final boss with the Evangelion Altean Robeast was awesome. Again mad props to the animators. You could just feel the exhaustion from all sides.

This season reminded me a lot of part one of the Third Hunger Games trilogy movie. I feel this season was more establishing things for Season 8. Haggar has the Alteans and it appears they might be willingly working with her. That Altean was pilotting the Robeast. It wasn't just using her as a power source because she wasn't dried up like the Alteans from the colony. Haggar might have Lotor too. Its actually cool the final boss is a woman. I'm curious to see if they'll destroy her or cure her.

All in all, this season wasn't as enjoyable as previous seasons, it had major flaws. But there is so much work being poured into it, it's hard not to appreciate all that. Creating a show is very hard and you have to please a lot of people. And mistakes will happen. So please, if this show upset you, it's okay to stop watching. Its okay to voice your criticisms. But don't threaten and harass the staff and crew.

#voltron season 7 #vld s7 spoilers #spoilers #voltron ledgendary defender #voltronpositivity #review #please no discourse #dreamworks #studio mir #netflix

2 notes · View notes

reginaldbelchhuggins-blog · 7 years

Text

The Short and Miserable Romance of Victor Criss

Chapter 2: First Kiss

Pairings: Henry x Victor, with some side Butch x Mrs Criss Rating: M Warnings for this chapter: Implied/referenced domestic abuse, period-typical attitudes, homophobic language, noncon elements, and some underage sexual exploration Warnings for later chapters: Violence, homophobia, racism, and sexism that are all period-typical; canon-standard content; underage sex, smoking, and drinking; noncon elements (but no actual noncon); canonical character death; major character death; strong language Chapters: [1], 2, [3], [4], [5], [6], [7] Ao3: [x] Summary:

Told from Victor's perspective, each chapter details either a first or last moment of Vic's growing relationship with Henry Bowers as they navigate homophobia, mental issues, and the growing influence of It. The first two chapters are pre-1988, the middle two will be where the sex is, and the final two are where the romance goes south

Chapter 7 could act as a stand-alone told from Henry’s perspective

Story prompt: The first and last Meeting/Kiss/Time of your OTP

A/N: This chapter, since the Bowers gang are 11-12 years old, draws more on the book for inspiration. Namely in regards to Victor and Belch's personalities, and the flavor text/referenced events. I also used some real life influence, such as my own personal experience with awkward 12-year-old flirting, and the actor playing Victor Criss in the new movie being a dancer (if you didn't know that before, you're welcome.)

Constructive Criticism is, as always, appreciated. Any type of comment is much loved. My editor is another author on this account, Ambiguous, but I am also using the Hemingway app. If you see any grammatical mistakes / continuity errors, please feel free to drop it in the comments so I can correct.

August 1985

The four boys stood side by side in their underwear, staring down the long drop from the edge of the quarry to the lake. Reginald “Belch” Huggins was the tallest, having reached six foot by his 12th birthday. He had skinny legs and broad shoulders, and made a huge splash as he hit the water despite having pretty good form.

Patrick Hockstetter was the second tallest and definitive widest. He was the personification of the word "butterball." He was a vaguely boy-shaped lump of splotchy colored flesh. He howled like a madman as he leaped second, tucking his feet up underneath him to form a cannonball. Belch was coming up for air when the waves caused by Patrick slapped him in the face.

Victor, although he was giggling, felt dread as his turn to jump came up. He was pale and skinny. The others argued over whether the platinum blonde of his hair made his skin whiter, or whether it was the other way around. Either way, he was nothing more than a sparkle of starlight in his white Hanes.

He took a deep breath and prepared himself—

And screamed as he fell forward, pushed, betrayed , by Henry. He was still screaming when his body broke the surface and the murky depths swallowed him whole.

Henry was the one all the girls talked about in a nice way. He wore hard work like it was a tee shirt. It left him with a golden tan, and the slightest definition on his chest that hinted at the body he would have in a few years. Belch lifted Vic onto his shoulders so they could watch Henry leap from the cliff. They cheered as he jumped backwards, getting in two solid flips before splashing down.

The quarry filled with their laughter as the boys played. It was the first time in a long year that they’d had any fun.

They swam until long after the sun had set, and the mosquitoes were coming out to feed. None of their parents were expecting them home. The Criss’ believed Vic was at the Huggins’. Mrs Huggins believed Belch and Henry was at the Criss’. Patrick’s parents might notice if he wasn’t here for breakfast. But they didn’t seem to care what he did since his baby brother Avery had died in the crib five years prior. Butch wasn’t allowed to know anything at all.

Vic still felt the chill that had run down his spine when he opened his bedroom window that night almost a week ago. Henry was standing outside with tears and snot streaming down his face, shaking. He’d had a whopper of a bruise on his neck that he still didn’t explain. Vic thought it looked an awful lot like Butch’s hands, and drew his own conclusions.

“He killed her,” Henry had said. As soon as he was inside Vic’s room, he’d pulled Vic into a tight embrace. That was the first hug of the year, but Vic couldn’t even enjoy it. Henry was trembling so bad. “Butch killed my mom!”

It wasn’t true. She’d survived, but her face was disfigured. Henrietta Bowers had taken her beating, and the one Henry was due for making trouble for Butch. Henry, of course, told Vic all about how it was his fault for making trouble with the Rabbi's boy -- a shy kid a few grades behind them. And while he cried and blamed himself, Henrietta was pulling herself into their sedan, running away to the WomansCare shelter, leaving Henry behind. But he didn’t know that as he held his best friend, his body racked with guilty sobs. He wouldn't know that for a few days, and by then, he'd tell Vic he didn't care. He only knew he'd last seen her in a bloody heap on the kitchen floor, and then he'd ran.

He was only twelve - life wasn’t supposed to be that difficult.

Henry would have stayed with Vic, but Butch had been making regular visits for many years. Vic still pretended sometimes it was just to talk because the truth made him uneasy in so many ways. Instead, Henry wound up staying with Belch. Mrs Huggins wouldn’t give up Henry if Butch set her on fire, so they knew he was safe there. Though Vic had to fight a lot of instincts not to go over there every day, knowing Henry was safe, for even a little while, made things better. Vic didn't even mind collecting, and completing, Henry's homework for him. Mr Caplan never commented on the sudden improvement of Henry's handwriting, either.

In fact, Mrs Huggins and Mr Caplan were some of the few adults who actually gave two shits about them. If Vic had lived to see his 16th birthday, Mrs Huggins would’ve taken him and Belch and fled to somewhere normal. His disappearance would have been credited to the pervert, so no one would look for him. His parents would be, in a small way, glad to see him go. It would have been a nice life, too. But things didn’t happen that way.

The safety of Belch’s house came with the price of freedom, and without freedom, Henry got bored. So grabbing his dad’s old tent from the garage, it had been Belch’s idea to go camping. He was tired of the piss attitude Henry got whenever he was bored, but was too nice to say anything. So far, it had been a good idea.

The boys put on their shoes for safety reasons, but were still too wet for their clothes, as they went about setting up camp. Patrick built a nice fire, and stared deep into it as he burnt every hotdog he touched to a blackened crisp. Belch was setting up the tent - his dad had showed him how once upon a time, before the accident. Henry and Vic sat around with the small radio, trying to find the right mood music. It was one of the last true purely happy memories with Henry Victor would have, and somehow, he knew it. So he was taking all of it that he could.

“Ooh, stop here!” Vic slapped Henry’s hand. That earned Vic a nasty glare, and a punch on the shoulder. “Dude, it’s Queen. You always have to stop on Queen. It’s an unspoken rule.”

“No I fucking don’t,” Henry spit back. “I listen to real rock music not that psuedo-hippie bullshit. And if you don’t get your fucking hand off my radio I’m going to shove it up your ass.”

“You’re going to shove my hand up my ass or the radio?” Vic asked, sarcastically. “I need to know how much to prepare.”

“Keep talkin’ like that and it’ll be both. First your hand, and then the radio. How you like that?”

With a huff, Vic sat back and crossed his arms. “Fine, you get to pick the tunes, and tell us when to stop swimming, and what comics we can bring. Anything else you want, master?”

“Maybe,” Henry said, eyeing Vic coolly. “My boots haven’t been licked in a long time. Got some real nasty shit crusted up on them.”

Vic couldn’t help but smile, and had to cover it by pretending to rub the chapped skin from his lips. He didn’t really care that Henry was being a little bossier than usual. If Henry had told him to wear his mom’s lingerie, Vic would’ve showed up in a saucy pink ensemble. But he was in a weird mood, and craved every morsel of attention he could get. Needling Henry was the quickest way to get a bite in, so Vic was being, as his Mama would say, incorrigible.

But it was time to take a break. Henry was growing frustrated, and Vic didn't want to ruin his first night out in forever. So instead, he said, “Sure thing. Let me just go chop my balls off first. Maybe then you’ll stop twisting them,” and stood up. He caught Henry looking as he walked away, and blew him a kiss. If anyone else had done such a thing, Henry would have rearranged their face. But Vic was special. He had special privileges to get away with more, as long as it wasn’t too gay.

As Vic sat down on a blanket by the fire, Patrick handed him a beef flavored stick of charcoal. He managed to find some pink colored meat in the layers underneath, and then ate it in three large bites. He watched Henry’s face scrunch up in concentration as a song warbled into existence.

When Belch finished up the tent, he came and sat beside them. Drawing deep from his chest, he proved his nickname was well-earned. He started burping along to the chorus of the song Henry had stopped on – Blue Oyster Cult’s Don’t Fear the Reaper.

Vic and Patrick were howling with laughter, but Henry was not amused. He turned up the volume, trying to drown Belch out.

“Is that coming from your mouth?” Patrick was in awe. He hadn’t hung out with them that much yet so it was forgiven that he’d never heard Belch’s true talent. “Oh, that is freaky. Do it again.”

Belch got up and began to bob his head not unlike a chicken, burps breaking out every time his face came forward. He shuffled around with the grace one would expect from a boy of his stature. This broke Patrick up into tears.

"I fucking hate all of you," Henry said.

Vic was on his feet, too. He was so giddy from laughing that he took Belch’s hands and began to dance. Belch didn’t think anything of it, and was kind enough to burp in the opposite direction of Vic’s face. Henry turned the dial on the volume again until the speakers were vibrating. Vic and Belch both started singing along, louder than the radio. They sang along until the song ended, even as Henry threw pebbles and rocks at their feet.

As Billy Idol’s Dancing With Myself started playing, Belch and Vic let go of each other. Henry gave up and went after a hot dog. Patrick gave him a cigarette instead, and the two shared it as they watched Vic and Belch dance – but mostly, they watched Vic.

Not surprising, Vic was a much better dancer than Belch. The spry blonde wasn’t doing anything complicated. He'd picked up a few things from movies and music videos, and practiced until they looked okay in the mirror. Where Belch looked like a bag of potatoes being swung with great enthusiasm to the beat, Vic looked like he was actually dancing. In a few years, he could compete against Michael Jackson himself.

When that song was over, Vic plopped to the ground. That seemed to break some kind of spell. Henry looked around, nervous like he’d been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to. Patrick let out a deep breath, and his livery lips split into the biggest, curliest smile Vic had ever seen outside of a cartoon. Henry cleared his throat and handed Patrick the cigarette. He then stood up, rubbing at his crotch.

“I gotta piss,” he said, as if it needed explaining.

“Want someone to hold it?” Patrick asked.That was the first time he'd done one of his weirder jokes, and it took them all by surprise. Patrick locked eyes with Vic. Vic found himself unable to look away as Patrick held one of the hotdogs down near his crotch, and started rubbing it. Vic knew what he was simulating, but the blackened outside was cracking and peeling. Instead of imagining a regular dick being masturbated, Vic's mind conjured some filthy, disease ridden thing. He gagged, earning him another smile from Patrick.

Henry did a double take, scowling: “What the fuck did you just say?”

“I’m just saying, bosses need a right hand man,” Patrick said, putting a weird emphasis on right hand. He bit into the wiener he’d been flogging. “Someone to wipe your ass and hold your dick and all that jazz.”

A rose color blossomed on Henry's cheeks as he realized how he'd misunderstood Patrick. He blinked a few times, and then pointed at Patrick. “We don’t do that homo shit around here, alright?”

“It’s not homo,” Patrick called after him. Then, with a wink in Vic’s direction: “Not unless you want it to be.”

Vic shifted in his seat. He was Henry's right hand man, or so they said. The image of him on one knee, hand out for Henry to rest his dick on, crept into Vic’s brain. It was compelling in a strange way, and Vic shivered, not sure how to process how it made him feel. Maybe Henry had seen the same thing in his mind, because he looked everywhere but at Vic. He slapped Patrick on the back of his head before disappearing into the underbrush to relieve himself.

The three of them lit up the last cigarette. Vic took a long drag, let the smoke escape through the side of his mouth, and then passed it onto Belch. They got halfway through when Vic saw Henry out of the corner of his eye. He was standing behind a tree, and gesturing with his head for Vic to follow. Belch and Patrick didn't seem to notice, and had started discussing which actresses they wanted to bang. Vic flicked his eyes back Henry's way, and the bigger boy was gone. A small ball of excitement forming in his belly, Vic stood up. He brushed leaves and dirt off his ass, and started heading in the way he saw Henry go.

“Where you going?” Belch asked, coughing.

“Paris,” Vic shot the answer over his shoulder. Patrick’s titter followed him as he walked along the side of the lake. He tried not to make too much noise, listening for Henry. He wound up going a good ways down before he spotted his friend leaning against a tree.

Moonlight splashed against Henry’s young frame. His blue eyes were searching the sky, a small smile curling his lips. Vic was struck with how beautiful Henry could be. Even with fading bruises marking his body, he was ethereal. There were so many things going on in Vic’s head, he wasn’t sure exactly what his body wanted to feel. He was queasy, and happy. Nervous.

You don't even know what he wants, Vic's brain said, being reasonable. But Vic did know what Henry wanted. It was the same thing Henry always wanted when he shuffled Vic off into private. He wanted some kind of touch that wasn't painful; some kind of affection that wasn't laced with poison. He wanted Vic to hug him, to pet his hair, to reassure him that he wasn't a monster, or stupid, or whatever other terrible thing Butch had planted in his head.

But there was something different in the air. Henry was contemplating too hard about something. There was only one way to find out what that something was, so Vic snapped his fingers, then hit the side of his right hand flat with the palm of his left. It was a nervous tic he’d picked up from his Papa. He did it again as he strode towards Henry, looking around at the area of the Quarry they were in.

They were right at the curve of the lake, where the moon was the brightest. It gave the area a strange blue tint, like they were caught in the glow of a battery operated lantern.

Henry turned his head when he heard Vic approach, and watched him with a thoughtful expression. When Vic was close enough for a good conversation, he started picking up pebbles and tossing them into the lake. The tiny splash they made was good noise. Plip.

“How come I’ve never seen you dance before?” Henry asked, picking at his cuticles.

Vic shrugged. Plip. In went another pebble.

“You saw me dance at Veronica Grogan’s birthday party,” Vic said. He could clearly see the conga line of eight year olds with no coordination trying to do the Locomotion. It had been a spectacular mess, but loads of fun.

“That doesn’t count,” Henry said, rolling his eyes. “I mean like you were dancing just now.”

Vic shrugged again. “Just haven’t felt like it, I guess.”

“I liked it. You should do it more,” Henry said. Vic turned to look at him, and Henry was staring off in the distance. He was rocking against the tree. Vic rolled it over in his mind before he said a quick, “Thanks.”

“I like… I like a lot of things you do,” Henry sounded like it was difficult to say what he was saying. Vic supposed for someone like Henry, it might have been. He wasn’t used to using his words to express the things inside of him. So Vic didn’t interrupt him. Instead, he stood up, hand full of glittering pebbles, and gave Henry his full attention. "I like that you're smart. I know I rag on you a lot for it, but that's just something I have to do. Can't have the guys thinking I'm soft on you." Henry paused. He took a deep breath. Vic was curious now. “I like the way you smile. It makes me think of cats and happy shit. Your face makes me think of cats...like the way their faces just… stick out...”

Vic waited a few moments, making sure Henry was done. Henry was blushing, his eyes refusing to look at Vic. Vic didn't know what to say to that. He took the sentence apart and examined every piece of it. He came to the conclusion Henry was trying to compliment him, and decided to return it.

Dropping the pebbles in to make a pattering of plips, Vic was forming his thoughts before speaking them.

“Well, thanks, Hank. Your face makes me think of..” Vic wanted to say Kevin Bacon , but he stopped himself. He could do better. He needed to do better. “You know when it’s cold outside but the sun is shining? Or when your mom hangs the towels over the heater so your ass doesn’t freeze in winter?” Henry nodded. “That’s what I think of when I look at your face. When everything else is just fucking cold, I can look at you and feel warm.”

"Why?" Henry asked, scrunching up his face.

"Because you're my best friend," Vic said, and at that moment, he truly believed it. The way Henry made him nervous sometimes - like they were dancing on the edge of the quarry's cliff, waiting for the other to take the plunge first - he had never felt for anyone else. But as Henry closed the distance between them and took Vic’s hands in his, Vic knew he never would. Just like Vic was special to Henry, Henry was special to Vic. Henry ran his thumb over Vic’s, and Vic massaged circles into Henry's palms. Although they didn’t hold hands as often as they did when they were little, Vic didn’t think this usage of physical affection was anything other than ordinary. At least, not until Henry brought one set of hands up to his lips, and gave Vic's a little kiss. This drew small laugh from Vic, who asked, “What’re you doing?”

“Thanking you,” Henry said. He decided to elaborate when he saw the frustration on Vic’s face. “For helping me with Butch, and… just shut up and let me do this, because it's never happening again.”

He kissed Vic’s hand again. Turning their hands over, he kissed Vic’s wrist, and then his forearm. It wasn’t unpleasant, but Vic was too confused to really appreciate the moment. Henry drew the line at kissing. They'd tried it once - a kiss on each cheek - and had decided it was too weird. He was even more confused when Henry stopped kissing his arm, and, instead, brushed his lips against Vic’s. It wasn’t a kiss, exactly. It was testing for one. When Vic didn’t resist, Henry put a little more force into it.

Vic lit up like a sparkler on the fourth of July. He felt dizzy, smelling the lake on Henry's skin, and their pheromones intermingling. As Henry kept kissing him, he thought he might pass out. Like the dames in the movies, just swooning over their cowboy. Vic brought a hand up to Henry's hair, and pulled him in closer.

He hadn’t noticed Henry had dropped his hand until he felt it, warm and soft, sliding into his underwear, cupping his penis. He couldn’t speak. He tried to, but he was scared when he realized what Henry was doing. What he was really doing. It felt good. Vic knew he needed to tell Henry to stop before they got caught, but he didn't want him to stop.

But if he did those things, what did that make him? Was he queer? Was Henry? A bullet of fear broke through Vic's heart as he thought about Butch finding out. He could see Henry - so big when he was with his friends, and so small in Butch's shadow. Butch would crush him, grind him into dust. The thought made Vic's heart twitch. The image of Henry's face, caved in, an eye jutting out, was so vivid that if Henry's mouth hadn't been there to catch it, he would've gasped.

“No,” Vic said, pulling away. Henry didn’t seem to hear him. He just stepped in closer, and went back to it. Vic squeezed the wrist of the hand fondling him as tight as he could, and pulled it away from him. Henry looked down at the wrist, and then took a step back, jerking it from Vic’s grasp.

“I thought you liked me,” Henry said, sounding hurt. His face twisted into something so full of hate, it was worthy of Butch. “I’m not a flamer. If you tell anyone, I’ll-”

“I do!” Vic said, before the fear could really settle in Henry, and Vic lost him. Lost everything. “I do like you, Henry. But can we just… do more of what you were doing before? I liked that.”

Henry licked his lips, and reached out to brush the hair behind Vic’s ear. He ran his thumb along Vic’s lip. Vic thought maybe another kiss was coming, but instead, he pulled Vic by the hand until he was falling in step behind Henry.

“You think you could maybe get those hotdogs away from Fucknuts before he burns all of them?” Henry asked, starting back towards their camp.

“Yeah, okay,” Vic said. “Henry...” He wanted to ask what’s next? But he had the feeling they were in dangerous territory. So he never finished his sentence.

“And where the fuck are the marshmallows? Didn’t I tell you to bring marshmallows, the big kind?” Henry turned to walk backwards while he talked. Vic was in awe that he didn’t trip even once.

“I’ll get them for you, Hank,” Vic said. That brought another smile to Henry’s face. He hopped in place a couple of times, and then broke out into a full sprint. He always tried to get a head start because Vic was faster, but the younger boy passed him easily, as always. By the time Henry actually made it back to the others, Vic was whipping Patrick with a burnt wiener as the two boys laughed, and Belch had a skewer of Marshmallows ready for smores.

Henry went back to Butch the next day, deciding to take his punishment like a man. Vic didn’t see him again until school started. He was unsure of how things were left between them, so he didn’t say anything, letting Henry make all the moves. Sporting a shiner and a cracked lip, Henry draped his arm around Vic’s neck while Patrick and Belch were in Home Ec, and dragged him into the bathroom.

“We can do that stuff you like,” Henry whispered. “But I want to try something.”

Vic sat on Henry’s lap, his boots planted against the wall so anyone who entered only saw Henry’s underneath the stall. They took turns filling their mouths with smoke, and, on Henry’s suggestion, each other’s tongues. It was nice. Henry came home with him after school. They made out until Mama called them down to dinner.

The next week, Henry started dating Veronica Grogan, but Vic knew it wasn’t the end of whatever madness had gripped them that night at the Quarry. Henry was a lot like Butch in that sense. Sure enough, he watched Butch come ‘round the house in the afternoon for his Mama, and Henry come ‘round in the evening for himself. And Vic was just fine with that. He didn't know if he was gay, or straight with an exception. He knew Veronica was just some thing to throw people off their scent, and that the more he and Henry sucked face, the closer they felt.

Sometime before Christmas, Vic looked at Henry from across his bed and realized he might just be in love. He didn't really know what love was - his parents certainly didn't know enough to tell him. But as he brushed the hair from Henry's face, he knew that if Butch ever caught them, he would take every last punch Butch had to throw if it meant Henry got away safe. They weren't just best friends, or brothers. He wasn't just some right-hand man, there to keep Henry's mission on point and to reel him back if he got in too deep. Henry had become his everything, and he was the only thing keeping Henry alive, sometimes.

And sometime before the new year, after Butch was reinstated on the force after a long and grueling suspension, Henry realized the same thing: that Vic would die for him. He only needed to ask.

#stephen king #it #it 2017 #the bowers gang #henry bowers #victor criss #patrick hockstetter #belch huggins #fanfic #writing #romance #eventual smut #it prompts #henvic #henry x victor #victor x henry #henry/victor #victor/henry #vicry

22 notes · View notes