#It’s just that she would ultimately have to leave it up to Crowley. Especially since he is technically already dead

[castielmacleod]

Fics I will never write: KING’S GAMBIT

King’s Gambit is a short canon compliant fic following Crowley through his last few days leading up to his eventual suicide. Nearly eaten alive by loneliness and self-loathing, the king of hell reflects on the past and tries to envision a future. When he ends up sitting alone in the bunker bandaging his stabbed-through hand, he makes a decision—only to be surprised by a visit from the new Death, who brings with them a peculiar proposition: a simple game of chess to decide his fate. Dark character study with themes of suicide, depression, social isolation, and unrequited love. Gen with minor past Crowstiel and unrequited DrowIey.

[mittensmorgul]

Mittens, I know that some people are rejoicing over Castiel's vision in 12x19, but personally, I started crying when I realized that Cas gave up so much for love and faith in his family, and got teased with that vision of the future - a paradise he wanted for them, for himself - but never approximated that in the end. It's just so heartbreaking and I feel like I'm mourning him all over again and it just really sucks. Idk.

Hi hi!

The vision also hurts my heart, deeply, but maybe for slightly different reasons...

I have been suffering throughout the last few seasons over Cas's overall arc, and this vision, in that moment in 12.19, when Cas was literally (in text! from Dean's mouth!) desperate for a win, is just excruciating to me. And I'll tell you why.

in the mixtape scene, this was Cas's lament to Dean. He wanted to come back with a win FOR DEAN, and FOR HIMSELF. He wanted Dean to think of him as the "hero" or the "savior."

I will pause to ask here: since when has Dean ever wanted that? Ever since Cas gripped him tight and saved him from Hell, Cas has struggled to step out from that role of Protector. Shield.

This was the Big Mistake he made in s6, right? Everything that went wrong was framed around the fact that he was trying to "protect" Dean. This is why he bought into Crowley's plan, why he left Dean in the dark even after he got dragged back into the fight, and why everything ultimately ended with Cas's literal death. Like... the narrative judged him. In 6.20, all he was left with was Dean's disappointment, and a drive to prove that he was actually right (he was not actually right...).

Even in 12.19, he was "playing them" all along. He came back under the pretense of wanting to "rejoin the team" and work together with Sam and Dean again, but really he was only there to steal the Colt on behalf of Heaven. Cas was prepared to do whatever it took to keep Sam and Dean safe from Dagon, but also "safe" from having to kill an innocent woman to prevent the birth of the nephilim she carried.

Like in s6, Cas was desperate for that win. He was desperate to "earn" his place with the Winchesters, the family he chose. He even told Kelvin before they went in to confront Dagon that he wasn't doing this to redeem his "reputation" in Heaven, he only cared about "redeeming his reputation" with DEAN.

He has no idea that Dean does not give one flying fig about Cas's ability to "protect him," he just wants Cas to Be There With Him.

And later on, this is literally the lesson Cas attempts to impart to Jack. When Jack laments the loss of his power, and believes himself "useless," It's CAS who most effectively talks to him about the fact that nobody cares about his powers, that they don't care about what he can do FOR them. They just care about HIM. Like... even in 15.18. This is the conversation he has with Jack by the Impala while Sam and Dean are talking to Charlie:

Jack: I feel... strange. I don't know if that's because of what happened to me, if it means something, or if I just feel strange because... it's over. The plan. My destiny. I was ready to die and, I wanted to, for Sam, for Dean, for the world. I wanted to make things right, and now... I don't know why I'm even here.

Castiel: Jack. You never needed absolution from Sam, or Dean, or from me. We don't care about you because you're useful or you fit into some grand design. We care about you because you're you.

So like... for YEARS I've felt like this was what Dean needed to actually say TO CAS. That he doesn't want Cas to try to protect him. He doesn't need Cas to be his shield. He doesn't need Cas to be "powerful" or his savior. He just needs Cas.

So this vision... this "manipulation" that Jack showed Cas in that very moment in 12.19, that Cas believed was "paradise" at the time, was what Cas needed to hear in that moment. That he could be "powerful," with his wings healed and made "useful" again.

Dean thanking him.

Not Dean being happy that they're all safe, that they managed to finally "get a win," but specifically thanking HIM for actually winning.

He wanted to believe he could be useful again.

And to me that was a tragic, depressing lesson that he still never managed to understand for himself by the end of the series.

If Dean ever knew what the vision Cas had considered "paradise" in that moment of betrayal of his loved ones, I personally think Dean would've been horrified. I mean, he didn't even KNOW what the vision entailed, and was pre-horrified by his personal belief about how Cas had been manipulated into running away and leaving them all in the dark immediately after they'd all just gotten back on the same page again and recommitted to working together again.

So like... This is still DEEPLY in Cas's disturbing mindset of being 100% ready to sacrifice himself to "spare" Sam and especially Dean from having to do the hard things. This was nearly an identical mindset to when he'd said yes to Lucifer in the Cage in s11 because he believed he could spare Sam from having to do that himself. Like... he truly believed he was making Good Choices in these instances, and it ended up both times causing problems he'd never even considered. S11 had Lucifer using him and nearly killing Sam and Dean, and then going on a rampage that would last multiple seasons more which directly led to Jack in the first place. And then in the attempt to bring about Jack's birth, Cas cut off all communication with the Winchesters (theoretically to protect them) and therefore they had no way to warn him that Lucifer was still on the loose and closing in on reclaiming Jack himself. It literally ended up costing them Mary (pulled through the rift with Lucifer), Crowley sacrificed himself to stop it, and Lucifer killed Cas, all because Cas ran away and tried to fix everything on his own. He desperately wanted to be the winner, here.

So to me, I can't see him getting his wings back and being truly powerful and being "Dean's savior" and him basically thinking that Dean's acknowledgement of that salvation and Dean's gratitude was his idea of "paradise?" Yeah... it turns my stomach.

Dean... would hate it.

Dean's idea of paradise... is actual free will. Of them CHOOSING EACH OTHER, choosing family and standing shoulder to shoulder as a united front against the threats that come their way, instead of yet again making the same mistake of believing that they're sacrificing themselves to spare their loved ones from having to stand up and fight at all.

It NEVER works out that way. Never has. Never would.

I mean, this is why Cas made the deal with the Empty, trading away his own happiness for Jack, believing that Dean's happiness was in having JACK in the family. The tragic blind spot was his inability to see that Dean's happiness ALSO INVOLVED HAVING CAS THERE.

And the ultimate tragedy is that Dean never got a chance to actually say that to Cas.

Because if Cas had actually known that, he would never have made the choices he did.

Which is another reason I absolutely can't credit the end of 15.19 and Jack NOT bringing Cas back, knowing that he'd done it once before, and knowing WHY Cas sacrificed himself. Jack knew the conditions of Cas's deal, and I cannot believe that any version of JACK would have allowed that sacrifice to stand for HIM. Because it was the antithesis of everything Cas himself had ever taught to Jack.

Heck... I hope that makes sense...

basically, this should've been a jumping off point for Cas to ACTUALLY understand he was just as wanted, just as needed, just as cared for, and yes even LOVED, for who he was, and not the sacrifices he could make to protect Dean (and Sam, and Jack... but ultimately for Dean).

The fact he KNEW the moment he made that deal with the Empty that the knowledge of the details of that deal would be a "burden" to Dean, that it would be upsetting to Dean to know that Cas had literally traded away his own potential for true happiness because he thought that would be what Dean would prefer... he KNEW Dean would be upset about that. He knew Dean would NOT have wanted that, and swore Jack to secrecy about it. Like... he knew he had done the wrong thing here, or he wouldn't have hidden it from Dean.

So I have a really hard time thinking of this vision of Paradise (which is already a loaded word in itself in canon, and was literally what Dean spat out as an angry insult at Cas in 4.22 before his first true "tearing up the pages" and making it up as they go moment) as anything but a glaring warning sign.

And then oh look, Cas was literally killed for it four episodes later.

Then when he came back, he went right back to believing in his "purpose," wondering WHY he was brought back. Dean's "we needed you" wasn't really clear enough for Cas to understand that they didn't need him to "protect" them or to be "useful" to them. Dean just NEEDED him. Full stop.

It's a tragedy, folks.

[abrunettefangirlnerd]

Insecure

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader

Oneshot

Summary: feeling insecure about your looks, Steve helps you to see what he sees.

You put away the last bit of the laundry. Life has been crazy this whole last week. The guys have been on mission after mission, meanwhile the aching pain in your side hasn’t subsided. Bruce, not to your delight, thinks you shouldn’t even be training. But you would go completely stir crazy laying in bed or on the couch all day.

             What the boys know won’t hurt them. Besides, you want to try to stay in shape. Anytime you are under bed rest, you feel like your muscles turn to mush and your totally body fat sky rockets. Being insecure your whole life about your looks, you finally started to feel comfortable with all the cardio and weightlifting.

             Especially around your friends from before becoming an Avenger. They all know you are a part of the team, your costume doesn’t exactly hide your identity. Neither did the fact that you blew up a baseball with your bare hands in college because it scared you. At a game the batter hit the ball into the crowd, it was coming for you, you threw your hands up in defense but never felt the ball hit your skin. Instead the ball fell to the ground in the small pieces that were left.

             Fury found you shortly after. Explained to you that there are others, a team, a family that you could be a part of. You accepted the offer and never looked back. For once you felt like you belonged, but every once in a while some of your insecurities come flooding back.

“Hey gorgeous,” Steve’s deep voice creeps around your door frame. Joining your curled up body on your bed, Steve brushes your free hair behind your ear. “I have a surprise for you. I know you’ve been cooped up in this building for two weeks, so I brought your two friends from home.”

“Really?” You slowly sit up, griping your side. It feels like forever since you’ve seen them, and you’ve missed them desperately.

             Steve nods his head with a smile. And before you know it, you leave Steve to smell the burning rubber from your rapid departure. Running through the pain, you make it to the corridor to see your long-term friends standing in awestruck wonder at the architecture.

“Oh my god! Christi! Abby!” You manage to apply your breaks just in time to keep from barreling the girls to the floor. Collecting your composure, you wrap each in an arm and offer a big group hug.

“Safe to say you like your surprise?” Steve appears by the stairs with a smug smirk.

             Letting go of your girls, you race back toward Steve. Leaping into his arms, the pain doesn’t present itself until Steve’s arms securely wrap around you. Steve gets in a spin or two before putting you down. Kissing your temple, Steve apologizes for hurting you but you just shrug it off.

               The girls and you end up in the art studio down the hall from your room. The movie Book Club plays in the background as the three of you attempt to paint while drinking your glasses of wine. Christi wants to know everything about the male Avengers. She is on the market for a boyfriend, and thinks a superhero will be a perfect match. However, Abby just wants to know about you and Steve.

“You two ARE dating right?” Abby takes a sip of her wine and wiggles the brows.

“We haven’t really put a title on it yet,” you can feel the warmth from the wine spread to your face. “We are definitely more than friends, but he has been so busy lately. Maybe once I’m back on the field we can talk about it.”

             The girls tell you how impressed they were that Steve came to get them. They assumed when he got back from missions, the two of you would be inseparable. Honestly, they aren’t wrong but you also get your fair shared time with the others on the team. But that’s Steve, he is very big on personal space. It’s something you are very thankful for. Even though the two of you aren’t officially together it is easy to get lost in someone else and forget the world around you.

             After painting, you move into the movie room. It is getting late, and you all are getting fairly tired. Sitting on the couch your gaze wanders to your thighs. In your peripheral you see the thin outline of your own friend’s thighs and notice how drastic the change is. You pretend not to notice the difference in body types between you and your friends.

             Suddenly all insecurities from college and high school come flooding back. The fact that you were admiring your own body in the mirror just hours ago escapes you. Any feeling of accomplishment from your workouts, training, missions no longer exists. Not next to Christi and Abby.

             You know it’s not their fault, and you’re not bitter toward them whatsoever. Christi eats a lot of junk but just so happens to be gifted with the perfect metabolism gene. Abby just does her own thing, no workouts and no dieting, but it works for her. You have always had more fat to you. Before becoming an Avenger, home workouts never did a thing and changing your diet did nothing as well. Since being here you have lost 20 lbs but you are still 10 – 15 lbs heavier than your friends next to you.

             Agreeing on a childhood favorite, you grab a blanket and curl up in a ball. The more coverage you provide the greater the lie you can tell yourself of what lies beneath. The girls follow suit and the three of you talk and make comments about the movie until the three of you pass out.

             Only a few hours later your body atomically wake up around 7:00 am. No matter the time you fall asleep, or the quality of sleep, your body always has a habit of waking you up early in the morning. The only other person in this building that I normally awake at this time is Steve. Though, after the rest he probably needed after the mission he is most likely still in bed.

               You crawl off the couch carefully trying not to wake the girls. A searing pain ripples through your right side to your leg. Biting your lip helps keep your internal scream from moving up your throat. Shimmying the rest of the way out of the room, you head towards the locker room to start training.

“What do you think you are doing?” His surprisingly stern voice echoes through the training room as soon as you enter.

“STEVE! Seriously, one day you are going to give me a heart attack.”

             Ignoring Steve’s original question, you make your way to the punching bag. You feel the need to build up your strength in your left arm. Perhaps if you get your strength back up the rest of the team may be convinced to let you back on the field early.

             Hearing your fist hit leather, the sounds doesn’t over power the feeling of you skin shift. My body is ultimately made up of fat! I’m not even muscle, just fat and bone! Tears sting  behind your eyes as the comments of from arrogant assholes from your past echo with each punch.

She’s easier to aim for, (Y/N)’s bigger than the others!

(Y/N) is a nice friend. I know she likes me, but you look more like my type.

             As each voice filters through your ears each punch against the bag gets harder and harder. The sound radiates through the training center. Completely in a trance, you don’t notice Steve’s gaze on you as he approaches closer. Right before he gets too close you realize your leg muscles need a workout as well, and you take off towards the track.

“(Y/N)!” Steve shouts but the pain in your side is all you can focus on.

             Wheezing, your arm wraps around your right side in attempt to console it. The pain radiates down the side of your body toward your leg once again. With each step you start to feel like jello.

             The sound of your body hitting the ground registers before the additional pain does. Dazed and confused how you got there, you feel a presence next to you. They place both their hands on each side of your face and examine for any blood. You’d swat them away if it wasn’t for the sudden want of physical touch.

“Steve, do you think you’d prefer if I was skinnier?” Sleepiness invades your senses.

“What are you talking about?”

             You don’t say anything else as Steve scoops you in his arms. All you do is point to your thighs and the little pudge on your stomach. Steve says nothing as he carries you to your room. All he does is place a soft kiss to the side of your head before laying you down on your bed covers.

“Where is this coming from?” Steve inquires, but you only shrug your shoulders. The both of you know that you do. Steve doesn’t press though, which you are thankful for.

“(Y/N), you’re brilliant. If it wasn’t for Stark or Banner you would easily be the smartest person I’ve ever known.” He soothingly brushes his fingers up and down your arms, luring you to sleep. “Outstandingly stunning. Though if we must talk specifically your body?”

             Steve delays by gently pulling your body onto his. Resuming the touch of his fingers against your arm, you wait for him to continue. The butterflies in your stomach ache as much as your injury pain. Assuming the worst, you’re not sure if you really want to know or not.

“I assume this trip of insecurity is due to your friends being here.” No offensiveness rises within you. You’ve told Steve about this before. “No, you’re not as thin as them. But they’re not as fit as you are. I know you hate your thighs the most, but doll trust me they are mostly hard muscle. Of which I find way more attractive than being super skinny, but unable to effectively fight.”

“I’m sorry-,” you start before Steve cuts you off with a kiss.

“You don’t need to be sorry. I get it, and I love you.” And this time you kiss him.

Tags: @mrs-captain-evans​ @crowleys-squirrel​ @princess-evans-addict​

[skaylanphear]

None of y’all are actually understanding The Puppeteer 2 (spoilers ahead)

Okay, so it’s been a LONG time since I’ve written any meta on this show. Mostly because a lot of episodes are now focused on things I don’t care so much about, BUT I was rather inspired by Puppeteer 2, especially since SO MANY PEOPLE seem to be missing the entire point of the episode.

Now, I’m not giving the writers of the show a ton of credit--they have their good and bad moments. But given the obvious budget of this episode as well as the sheer amount of dialogue, I think it’s pretty fair to assume at least some thought was put into this episode. 

So, first and foremost, there were a few points made during this episode.

Let’s start with the Wax Museum and why it’s so pertinent to this episode. The Wax Museum is made entirely up of celebrities. Though we have encountered Adrien and his status before, this is one of the most direct ways they could have drawn attention to it. There is a clear line in this episode--Adrien is a celebrity, his friends are not. Yes, the akumas had wax statues, but the victims and their akumas are not the same people, so to say.

So here we have an “honor” that is only ever granted to celebrities (wax figures) and we have Adrien coming in to work on his. But before that, we have a constant back and forth in the car as to why Marinette is even there--is she Adrien’s friend? His lover? Just a fan of wax statues? This is important because it is less a reflection of Adrien and Marinette’s characters as it is Marinette’s own, let’s say, psychological confusion over how she views Adrien. We’ve seen here make stupid, flustered claims about Adrien before, and these conversations are forcing her to face that head on, even if Adrien remains oblivious as always. 

During the conversation up to the top of the building, we are faced with more of this confusion. Namely, Adrien’s interpretation of his relationship with Marinette versus her own. Granted, Nino brings to light a lot of the problems, but he is less the cause so much as the vehicle with which Marinette’s own inability to be honest is being portrayed. Her behavior causes confusion, even if Adrien is unable to fully grasp that (which is all the more part of the problem). Alya, Nino, and Adrien are ALL responding to the issue of Marinette’s feelings in different ways, because THEY are confused as to what she actually wants and what they’re meant to be doing. Marinette says one thing and then backs out a moment later. As someone who recently went through something similar, my initial indecisiveness to admit my feelings to the person I liked caused a lot of back and forth confusion for the people I had told. Marinette’s situation has spiraled FAR beyond that, which is all the more reason we’re getting these vastly different interpretations as far as how her friends are meant to be reacting. The POINT is that her indecisiveness and timidity is confusing and this is becoming a problem. 

The other thing that I think is interesting in the following scene--which will lead me back around to my main point--is the fact that despite having come with Adrien to support him because the wax stuff is going to be long and boring, all his friends abandon him when he’s literally trapped in the vice of “celebrity.” Granted, Nino and Alya leaving is a bit of a device to move the plot forward, but Marinette also leaving kind of wraps the whole thing up in a neat bow. She’s supposed to confess and ultimately can’t. And instead of staying with Adrien as a good friend should despite her inability, she leaves as a flustered mess. 

Adrien is now alone, his hand clamped in a wax trap. In a lot of ways, this is extremely symbolic of his status as a celebrity and his friends not being a part of that. That Marinette left as a flustered mess only makes this worse, especially since she left him in a manner that is very similar to how a flustered fan might react if they become overwelmed. 

This is important because we’re now seeing a very clear implication that though she desires to know Adrien and has done many things to be a good friend to him, Marinette is still haunted by this “idea” of Adrien that she has that isn’t at all factual. And while I don’t think it’s celebrity worship, as some would argue, I do think that the metaphor of celebrity worship in this episode is a very good use of Adrien’s character. We are seeing that Marinette interprets Adrien in a light that is not entirely realistic, which doesn’t help anyone. 

This metaphor is only further expanded after her discussion with Tikki. While Tikki’s advice might seem helpful, what it really does is further support the notion that Marinette’s entire infatuation with Adrien is shadowed by false idealizations. She creates a persona to act as in order to communicate with him. She is literally creating a role for herself that she thinks will allow her to exist in Adrien’s, I guess, “proximity” so as to allow her to “get what she wants,” so to speak. She’s acting--as in, she’s lying. Just as much to herself, I think, as she is Adrien. 

And this whole thing is only made worse by Adrien’s “prank.” He symbolically becomes nothing more than a wax statue during the entire time that Marinette is playing her “role.” She even goes on a tangent about all the great characteristics he has as a statue, highlighting a lot of shallow aspects of why she’s attracted to him. Granted, I think there’s more to it than that (her feelings, I mean), but she’s so confused by the “more” that it’s hardly relevant if she can’t voice her feelings in the first place, beyond how “perfect” she thinks he is. 

Now, this is the “cringe” part of the episode that everyone is complaining about. But to be honest, I really didn’t think it was that bad. It clearly shows Marinette’s idealization of Adrien, as well as the “form” Adrien has within that idealization. That she said all the silly things she did (again, playing her role) and kissed him, while embarrassing, is wholly within her character. Given her tendency to fantasize on extreme levels, I think I’d be more surprised if she didn’t try to kiss Adrien’s wax statue. I get people are annoyed with Marinette constantly being the cause of bad things, or the butt of jokes, etc, but I don’t think that this situation is wholly unfounded given her personality. It was very in character for her to act that way, and I think it made a rather valid point about her feelings for Adrien. After all, she and Adrien may be “friends,” but they’re clearly not close enough for him to feel certain about what she really thinks of him, so she can’t be that close to him, which means there is a bit of shallowness on her side as far as her feelings, even is she would prefer it be different. 

Now, another complaint people have been voicing about the episode is “why can’t Marrinette have a tastefully handled confession like Chat?” And while a lot of you didn’t seem to realize this, the episode actually addresses that.

When Chat Noir flirts with Ladybug, she actually stops fighting to ask him how he so easily is able to express his feelings, because she has such a hard time doing the same thing. He responds with some line about how the people you care about should know how you feel, but the whole point of that episode was to illustrate the differences between Adrien and Marinette, and kind of explain why Marinette’s confession is so long in coming while Chat Noir has confessed, like, two or three times now.

For better or worse, Marinette’s inability to be honest about her feelings for Adrien is a huge conflict surrounding her character and has been from the beginning. Much bigger than Chat’s conflict over his feelings for Ladybug, which tend to be addressed in a more, let’s say, lighthearted manner than Marinette’s feelings for Adrien. Adrien is a very forthcoming person. He likes to think the best in people and is very honest about how he feels with almost anyone. And while I think he should probably re-evaluate the behavior he thinks is acceptable from other people, he mostly deals with any kind of conflict straight out. He doesn’t sit and stew like Marinette does, he doesn’t even waste time thinking about Chloe and Lila. Adrien would much rather think about the good than the bad. In fact, he would much rather ignore the bad (which is probably why he tried confessing so many times--likely hoping for a different outcome. Optimists, amiright?)

Marinette is NOTHING like this. She will sit and stew and plan and make herself anxious and scared and angry over things that would slide off Adrien’s back like water slides off ducks (thank you, Crowley). Marinette confessing is a much bigger roadblock because of this difference in their personalities. And it’s also why she gets all sweet on Chat for his reasoning behind why he can express his feelings so easily, because he makes it sound so simple, which is exactly what Marinette needs. Not overly complicated plans (Nino and Alya) or anything like that. She needs to be able to push back on her anxiety, walk up to Adrien, and just say it (much like how she kissed his cheek in the finale of the last season). No attempts made by her to confess will EVER succeed so long as there is any kind of convoluted plan surrounding it. 

The writers were literally giving the viewers a direct comparison between Adrien and Marinette as far as how they deal with their feelings and y’all missed it because you were too busy being mad. While Adrien overly simplifies situations--which can be both good and bad--Marinette is more likely to overly complicate things--which is also both good and bad. Where Adrien might fail to see how complex a situation is, Marinette will, whereas Adrien is able to make things simpler where Marinette cannot. You even see it in their fighting styles. Adrien ALWAYS goes for the obvious physical attack, while Marinette is the one to strategize. IT HAS BEEN A LITERAL PART OF THEIR PERSONALITIES FROM THE BEGINNING AND YOU ALL MISSED IT!     

The point of this episode was to illustrate Marinette’s issues with her feelings for Adrien, as well as draw comparisons between them so as to better understand why Marinette’s attempts to confess ALWAYS FAIL! 

Until Marinette can pull back enough to see Adrien less as a terrifying mountain to climb and more like a simple set of stairs, she will not be able to reach him. 

And that is the tea. 

[writingfromkitchenator]

The Demon, The Hunter, and The Halfblood

Masterlist

Crowley x Original Female Character

Chapters: One | Two | Three | Four | Five

Series Warnings: A/B/O series, some Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics, Alpha x Omega, obligatory smut warning here (as usual, no under 18′s please, specifics will be within chapter warnings as needed), violence, blood, fluff, angst, major character death, possession, swearing

Chapter warnings: Smut warning, slight non con, omega in heat, rough sex

Chapter 6

Words: 2,563

An odd silence sat in the room for a moment as Bobby, Sam and Dean let that sink in, Crowley barely holding back a smirk as it registered what this obviously led to.

“I need a drink.” Dean growled, getting up and quickly disappearing into the kitchen.

Sam cleared his throat.  “Okay…that was…”

“We all know what it was Sam,” Bobby said, shooting a glare at Crowley, who shrugged.  “If he hadn’t been a dick in the first place, Madelyn wouldn’t have been there.”

“It was hardly only my fault,” Crowley said lightly.  “Or do I need to remind you of a certain angel being involved in that as well?”

“It was still your suggestion Crowley,” Sam said, frowning at him. “And the fact that you even let it go that far…”  He shakes his head and stands.  “I’m with Dean, I need a drink.”

“You boys wanted to know the story,” Crowley chuckled as Bobby follows too.  “I can’t help it if you don’t like the truth, or where your minds wander for that matter. We have a child together, it had to actually happen at some point.”

He was greeted by silence, making him smile for a moment and then sigh.  They were right, not that he would tell them that, that he did let it go that far, but the truth was, at the time, he’d been more than a little curious at just how far she would push herself.  The longer it went on, the more he convinced himself that this could ultimately turn into something he could use.

Hindsight was a fickle thing, and he knew that that had been the turning point for both of them, not that either of them knew that at the time.

Crowley had been right in his assumption that she didn’t have many tablets left, after only a couple of days, he could see the beginning effects of heat on her.

“You could let me go so I can get you some more,” He said casually, ignoring her pacing, rocking a little on the dining chair.  “I’m sure that would be far more comfortable than what you’re currently going through.”

“Shut up,” Madelyn growled, her skin feeling clammy.  “Why do you always have to talk?  What’s wrong with silence?”

“I could do that if you wished,” He said.  “But then you’d have nothing to distract yourself from all those wonderful thoughts running through your head.”

Madelyn glared at him. “And like talking fucking helps. Just keep your mouth shut Crowley, and we won’t have a problem.”

Crowley smirked, but remained silent.  He could’ve made it worse for her, could’ve said all sorts of things to get her riled up, especially when cramps began to take hold, as much as she tried to hide it, but it was far more entertaining watching her do it to herself.

A few more hours passed and sweat began beading on her brow, the cramps growing worse.  She kept eyeing the door, no matter how much she knew that it was pointless, and the knife kept finding its way into her hand. Crowley didn’t know what she intended to use it for, but something kept going around in her mind.

His eyes never left her, knowing it was only a matter of time before she snapped, and he couldn’t help but starting to tap his fingers on the table.

A low growl left Madelyn. “Don’t.”

“We’ll, it’s hardly been a few entertaining days,” He said lightly.  “I was bound to get bored eventually.”

“Just…don’t.”  She said again, quickly tearing her gaze away. “I know for a fact that this is amusing you.”

“Resisting your base urges?”  He asked innocently.  “Now, why would that be amusing to me?  I haven’t had to be in Alpha mode for a long time darling, I almost don’t remember what-”

“Don’t!”  Madelyn snapped, a slight shake in her hands. “Just fucking stop.  I can control myself.  Especially in front of you.”

“The growing intensity of your cramps is telling me otherwise.”  He stretches his legs out in front of him, his arms resting back behind his head, very aware that she was watching his every movement, as much as she didn’t want to.  “Among other things.  If I were you, Omega, I would make a decision very quickly.”

It got exactly the reaction he was looking for, her body tensing, the hair raising on the back of her neck.  Subconsciously, her tongue wet her lips, but she glared at him as coldly as she could currently manage.

“Don’t flatter yourself, Alpha,” She growled.  “You are not that appealing.”

“You wound me,” Crowley chuckled.  “But we both know that’s not true, Madelyn.  You wouldn’t be so on edge if it were.”

“Fuck,” She muttered under breath, tearing her gaze away from him again.  “If you had just been fucking reasonable, I wouldn’t be here.”

“And if you hadn’t tried to get out, neither would I.”  He said.  “Yet here we both are.”

Madelyn’s breathing was starting to get worse, almost forcing air into her lungs.  It had been far too long since she’d had any sort of relief, and the doctors had indeed warned her after Crowley had gotten her to a hospital last time.  She’d go wild if she wasn’t careful, or wither away, which at the moment seemed like the preferable option to leaping onto the Alpha sitting there in front of her, a cocky smirk on his lips.

A growl rolled through Madelyn’s chest and she couldn’t help but bare her teeth.  “Fuck.”

Crowley just raised an eyebrow, watching her.

She couldn’t believe that she’d let herself get into this situation.  It was bad enough being saved by him the first time, but this, this was something else.  There was a line here that was about to be crossed if she didn’t keep herself together.

Growling, she stalked to the bathroom and Crowley listened as she turned on the shower, no doubt cold, to try and ease the ache.  Now that she was temporarily out of sight, he took a chance to adjust himself in his pants. It might have been some time since he’d last had to be in a position of Alpha, demons able to control the urges as they see fit, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t feeling it.

Madelyn was an infuriating temptation.  One he knew full well he shouldn’t actually give in to.

The whimper from the bathroom caught him off guard, his gaze moving to the door.  A lengthy silence followed, one that had him slowly stand, worry growing in his chest, the air in the room suddenly changing.  It wasn’t in his nature to care, but he knew that if anything bad happened to her, it would make his life worse than hell down the road.

Another whimper was cut off by vomiting and Crowley knew full well that Madelyn had pushed herself too far.

“Bloody stubborn…” He muttered under his breath, quickly looking around, seeing if there was anything that could break this infuriating devils trap he was in.  “Madelyn, get me out of this thing!”

“No.” Her voice was far too weak behind the door.  “I…I’m fine.”

“Stop being ridiculous,” Crowley growled.  “You are going to die if you push yourself much further, and that was not my intent of keeping you here.”

There was another whimper followed by a long silence again.

“Omega,” He growled low this time, throwing all caution to the wind.  “Get yourself out here.  Now.”

There was bang on the door, and it took a moment for it to open, Madelyn soaked through to the bone, her eyes boring into his, her arm clenched to her, the small blade sticking out of one, a steady drip of blood falling from the wound.

“Fuck…off…” She growled. “I…am…in…control…”

“Bullshit,” Crowley snarled, everything except her pushed to the back of his mind.  “Come.  Here.”

Madelyn’s knees buckled under her and she collapsed to the floor, breathing hard, a groan leaving her. She knew that she was out of time, but facing the reality of what that meant was not in her repertoire of what she could do about it.

“Fuck,” Crowley snapped. “Stubborn woman!  I cannot do anything in here!”

It was infuriating, they were only several feet apart, but neither of them could move.

Her clothes were unbearably tight and heavy on her skin, her heart rate pounding in her ears, the pain in her arm almost non-existent against the pain in lower stomach, her sense of smell completely flooded with the Alpha in the room.  Her hand clenched tightly into the carpet, a broken sob leaving her, fighting off the urge to throw up again.

“Omega…”

Crowley wasn’t sure what made him do it, a soft note in his voice, but he couldn’t just stand there and let her be like this.  This went beyond what he thought the situation ever would, and it was going to end right now.

He drew in a deep breath, crouching down so he could be as eye level as possible.  “Let me help.”

Madelyn can barely focus on his hand as it’s offered, tears in her eyes, a buzz in her mind, but she knew enough that this was her only way out.  Consequences could come later, the pain, the burning in her blood, it needed relief.

She was never sure how she made it to him, but as soon as their hands touched, Crowley pulled her to him, and she practically melted into his grip, her lips blindly finding his, a whimper lost in her throat as he took control.  The knife was pulled from her arm, something wrapped around the bleeding wound, but it all meant nothing to her as he picked her up and moved her to the table.

A moan left her as the wet clothes were pulled free, her skin exposed to his touch, his lips barely leaving hers.  It was almost painful, her body aching so much for any sort of contact, and she could practically feel herself trembling with anticipation, the need so intense.

His clothes were next, hands fumbling in the rush to get to her, to sate the need that had consumed her and was slowly consuming him, a low growl in his throat as she arched her body against him.  He pinned her down with his body, making her purr, leaving just enough room to be able to free himself from his pants.

Madelyn’s head threw back with a shuddering gasp as his cock brushed against her entrance, her core absolutely soaked and ready, Crowley placing open mouth kisses down her throat and chest, a low, needy growl rumbling through his chest.  Her legs opened up more, a desperate whine leaving her, before he sunk into her, her body arching as much as she could into him, mouth open in a silent scream as her body almost came undone in relief.

Crowley’s lips found hers again, a moan on his lips as he slowly brought her back to focus, not moving until she fully responds, her hands burying into his hair, legs wrapping around his waist.

All that mattered then, was relief.

Kisses became tongue and teeth, a hard rhythm building the two of them, fingers digging into skin. Madelyn’s body trembled with every thrust, unable to move beneath him, whimpers leaving her that were begging for release.

The desperation lead to an almost painful orgasm, a scream leaving her, tears springing up in the corner of her eyes, holding him tight as the waves of pleasure washed through her.  Crowley followed almost immediately after, a deep groan rumbling through his chest, his head resting on her chest.

They stayed like that for a long moment, bodies locked together, letting themselves come down, both breathing hard, skin kissed with sweat.  It had been so quick and desperate, that they had to let themselves catch up.

Crowley moved first, placing a few soft kisses along her skin before looking at her.  Madelyn’s eyes were closed, tears still running down her cheeks, but there was almost a sense of peace to her, one he honestly hadn’t expected to see.

He hummed and kissed the tears away, earning her gaze.  “I hope you know, you are a lot of trouble.”

Madelyn huffs in what he can only presume is a laugh, her eyes fluttering shut, seemingly content for the moment.  Crowley gives a small smile and shakes his head, carefully picking her up from the table, more than surprised when her arms wrap around his neck, her head burying against him.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you had a change of heart about all this.”  He said quietly, heading over the bed.

“Shut up Crowley,” She mumbled against him.  “After my heat is over, this never happened.”

He chuckled, settling them both down as carefully as he can.  “That’s more like it.”

Madelyn stirred and frowned at him.  “How did you get out of the devils trap?”

“Wet clothes and blood isn’t exactly a winning combination,” Crowley grinned at her. “Aren’t you lucky that I’m feeling generous?”

She rolled her eyes. “If you were that generous, you would’ve gotten me off first before fucking me into the table.  That is definitely not the most comfortable sex I’ve ever had.”

He snorted in amusement. “You were hardly in a place to be even thinking of anything like that, and you certainly haven’t complained since I knotted you.  If I’m not mistaken, I don’t think you’re body would’ve handled anything else at the time.”

“And the table?” She asked, although there was amusement in her voice.

“Darling, the less I come into contact with a damned devils trap, the better.”  He said.  “Now, is this really going to be how this goes?”

Madelyn took a moment before she laughed softly, shaking her head and curling back up into him. “No.  It seems I’m going to owe you again after all.  I might as well just accept it.”

“We can discuss that later,” Crowley said, amused.  “Let’s just get through this uncomfortableness first.”

She doesn’t respond to this, the two of them resting.  The next time, Crowley waited until she initiated it, her lips pressing softly to his, and throughout the next week, it was like the rest of the world suddenly didn’t matter, something neither of them had ever experienced before.

“Crowley?”

Snapped out of his thoughts, he blinked, Madelyn standing there with a soft smile, Casey curled up in her arms.  “Love, what are you doing up?”

“She wanted to see you,” She said, still looking very tired. “She had a nightmare.”

Casey holds out a hand for Crowley, who smiled softly and got up, taking her off Madelyn, Casey quickly curling up in his arms.

“I’ve got her, you should go get some more rest.”  He said softly, making Madelyn give a grateful sigh. “Are you alright?”

Madelyn nods, kissing his cheek.  “Yeah, just tired.  Are you?”

“Nothing I can’t handle.” He smiled reassuringly.  “I drove your brothers to drinking.”

She chuckled, starting back up the stairs.  “Well, if you were telling them about what you were thinking about, it’s no surprise.”

Crowley gave a soft laugh, waiting till the door closed before he looked at Casey in his arms.  “Come on pumpkin, let’s find something to cheer you up.”

[winchester-reload]

hi! i just read your fic, After Dark (for the second time, it’s amazing, easily going into my top five favorite fics of all time, your writing and characterization of dean especially is phenomenal and knocked me off my feet), but i’m still a little fuzzy on the ending. if you find time, could you possibly explain? thank you so much, your writing is beautiful

Okay, so I know I’ve had this ask for a while. I haven’t been ignoring you. It’s just that this fic is one of those stories that was so consuming when I wrote it, I have a hard time diving back in when I get asks. It was my Everest. I was obsessed with finishing it but kept trying to die at the top of the mountain (so to speak).  I started writing it in June 2015 and didn’t finish it until December 2018. I have sooooo many notebooks filled with notes and rewrites for this story, it’s almost embarrassing. And, you’ve read it, so you probably know why: it’s INVOLVED. I mean, the very first chapter gives you the most important line from the penultimate chapter of the book.

So, yes. You know what? Let’s talk about After Dark. I’m ready.

Spoilers after the cut

I’m gonna do my best here to clear things up, but since you’re specifically asking about the end of the fic, I won’t do a complete chapter by chapter breakdown of the plot. Let’s instead pick up at Chapter 19 with a little more of a abridged version. 

In 19, we finally get our Sam breakdown of what he’s been trying to figure out from the beginning– why it struck him as odd that Dean and Cas had hooked up this time over all the times before. He realizes that the general assumption that God was the light that beat back the darkness wasn’t actually a metaphorical idea, but was, in fact, a literal one. God wasn’t the thing that conquered the Dark, the light he yielded was. That light was Love. Fun side note: The sources Sam cites in that chapter to support his theory are all actual academic sources/philosophical ideas. You can look any of them up to find out more about love as a daemon, or The Unity of Opposites theory. So, Dean now knows that Cas is being used by Alice for something, but doesn’t know what.

Ch 20: Alice explains that the only thing that can save Dean’s soul from its eternal fate with the Darkness is if he’s “released” (so to speak) by his light. She says that the way it works is through Cas’ ultimate broken heart.

“If he takes you, you don’t die out of hate, or spite, or fear,” she whispered. “There’s no jealousy or malice or revenge. You die in stark contrast to all those things. It’s the opposite of everything he’s ever wanted for you— Wanted with you. Everything he’s ever hoped or dreamed or fought for; he does it only because he loves you, and it’s that selflessness that cleanses the shadows. It’s the power of a broken heart.”

It’s Cas’ sacrifice that will save Dean’s soul. Alice is careful to tell Dean that he was never going to survive this. Cas  and everyone else is supposed to, but for Dean, it was always just a matter of where his soul ended up. 

Cas, of course, says he’ll do it and that Dean needn’t ask, because there’s not really a choice here.

Ch 21: We pick back up with an echo of Rowena and realize that everything she told him in Chapter 2 actually came true. (weird, right?)

Ch 22: Cas wakes up at “the start”, only, this time’s he’s fundamentally changed from the journey. It’s in this chapter that we find out why Cas was getting glimpses from the ‘end of the story’ throughout the book: 

Angels are ethereal. They’re not contained to a specific timeline–this is something they’ve talked about in canon. It was ONLY while Cas had his grace AND was actively dying that he was able to see snippets of the things that would happen after the events in Chapter 20. (IE: the dream he had in Chapter 8 of Crowley, the dream in Ch 15 where he’s walking across the field where the Winchesters crashed, even though he hadn’t actually been there yet, etc)  It turned out he wasn’t actually seeing or speaking to Rowena. She was more a figment of his subconscious as he tried to warn himself where this story was going. Unfortunately, there wasn’t really any way for him to stop the train. HOWEVER,

In Cas’ lame attempt to keep from drowning Dean like “The Fish” Rowena kept calling him, he’d made the conscious decision to give Dean some “wings” in Chapter 15. The grace had proven threatening/effective enough in the fight against the Darkness to that point, that it had spent the entire story trying to snuff Cas out. It was also the only element keeping Cas from becoming infected by the Darkness the same way Sam and the rest of the people were, which is why Cas quickly became infected after extracting it. 

So, when Dean got the grace in Chapter 15, it was enough to pull him back out of the Darkness’ grip and bring him back to life.

When Cas comes out the other side of the spell in this chapter, alive, as he was supposed to be, he realizes that everything had reset like Alice said it would– Except for him. He was still wearing the same clothes, and still dying from his own self-inflicted knife wound (sans Darkness insanity). (Dean, remember, was not supposed to reset. The actions he took during the fic were always supposed to be permanent for him.) 

It’s then that Cas understands that it’s not over yet; they’re still fundamentally connected through Cas’ grace, and that means, there’s a CHANCE that Dean’s still alive too (and with Cas’ grace). He asks Crowley to teleport him to the field he saw in his dream and it’s here that he finds Dean, still clinging to life and staring up at the newly found stars.

Cas rallies his grace one last time by laying a hand on the burn mark left on Dean, and uses the rest of it to save him. Then, the very exhausted, very exsanguinated human Cas topples over in the field.

Ch 23: is probably where I lost you and I’m gonna tell you, it’s very intentional that I’ve made you unsure. 

It starts with a dreamlike Cas in the field staring at the back of an ambulance bed. There are elements of the Darkness around him, filtering into the sky. He panics when he thinks it’s Dean on the back of the stretcher dead, but specifically points out the bare feet (Dean was in socked feet. It was mentioned multiple times in Chapter 18-20). Alice then comes out of nowhere and tackles him to the ground. She’s our dream stand-in for the things the EMTs are doing to save Cas in that moment (Cas was the one with bare feet) while she warns him that the Darkness is not gone. She tells him she’s proud of him for finding a loophole, but that he shouldn’t believe he’s won. He should, in fact, fear the opposite. 

“…it doesn’t matter how fucking proud of you I am for finding it” she says. “The truth of the matter is, it’s gonna take what it’s owed— Or try… ”

Cas then wakes up in Dean’s bed and Dean tells him he was having another nightmare. It’s established at this point that Cas has been having a lot of them since becoming human. So much so, that Dean is practiced in dealing with bringing Cas back down. Cas gets frustrated with the situation and with himself and goes to wander through the bunker and get water. Dean chases after him, like the good caretaker he is.

Cas tells Dean that he doesn’t believe it’s a nightmare. He believes that the conversation with Alice really happened and that the Darkness is not gone, but, maybe, lying in wait either to attack again, or, even, MAYBE, that it already has him… (Not Dean, but Cas this time. Like a trade.)

This leaves us, the reader with the uneasy feeling that that might be true. We’re in Cas’ POV and the last we saw him, he was face down in a field bleeding out from a wound he was probably not gonna be able to recover from. If he’s not sure what’s real and what’s a dream, then how can we be? This is amplified by the fact that everything Cas has done in the story to this point has been proven true, so we want to believe him. But his unsureness feels so much more like the answer we don’t want. 

Our unease is punctuated by small things like 1. Dean wearing a purple shirt* when Cas had specifically named that as a color he’d never seen Dean wear before (Ch 19). And then, of course, 2. the fact that his coat is there when it shouldn’t be. Did Alice leave it? Why would she leave it? How could she leave it?

We’re left, like Cas, not sure if the story has ended like it appears to have ended. We’re unsure if they both made it out safe. If they’re really together. And with everything so damn woven, how can we just have these plot holes???? 

But, that’s also kind of the nature of the trauma Cas has endured. And, if he wasn’t really living this moment with Dean, then why is he healing slowly from his wounds? Why is he out of breath before he gets to the kitchen? (You know how it is when you’ve been laid up for a long stint. EVERYTHING IT HARD.) 

So, you, like Cas, find yourself placing your trust in Dean as he reassures Cas that it wouldn’t matter if it’s not over.

 “Because you an’ me, we’re unbreakable.” 

And now this is where you really hate me because I’m not going to tell you one way or the other. I’m gonna let the story speak for itself. I will say that I would NEVER want to put them through all of that if they couldn’t live in the sunshine on the other side, though.

*more on the color purple

[cinnalock]

TWST Mond Twin Headcanons

((A masterlist of all the random facts and trivia bits for the Mond twins. I may create separate posts of new things in the future, but those new bits will always be added/archived in this post! As with some of my other character lists/profiles, a “last edited” date will be posted to inform when the last addition was.

Diamond Crown Academy, Katherine’s school, is created by @phoenix-manga.

Last Edited: 5-15-2020, added DCA Festival headcanons, corrected an old headcanon, newly added headcanons are in bold font.))

GENERAL HEADCANONS: headcanons that don't necessarily fit into a specific category, mainly little general snippets about the twins.

The Mond twins are a...peculiar set of siblings. They're friendly enough at their own schools, but get them together and you'll likely never see one without the other. They're very attached and seem to only trust each other. Despite how nice they seem, there always seems to be the aura that you talking to them feels like you're intruding in their space and better play by their rules because of it.

There's a rumor that the twins aren't entirely human, if they're human at all. Some believe they're fae or fairy. The twins have never addressed these rumors themselves and, if confronted with them, tend to give vague answers that neither confirm nor deny. Some believe that in of itself confirms the rumors, but the Monds have been known to be mischievous and may simply get entertainment out of confusing their classmates.

Despite their cunning, secretive behavior, the twins aren't bad or evil. They're mainly mischievous and distrustful of others. They're neutral at their worst, just wanting to protect each other above all else. They might relish in the chaos of something like a prank, but destruction and devastation doesn't sit well with them. They're not above schmoozing and sweet-talking to get something like an extension on homework or the last tart in the lunch line, but they wouldn't betray a friend to serve themselves. Ultimately, it's better to be on their good side, but being on their bad side isn't much of an inconvenience, unless the situation is very, VERY bad.

In regards to the above headcanon, the twins mostly represent characters that appear to be on the villain’s side before ultimately abandoning or straight-up betraying them, or characters that you’re absolutely sure are the main villains before the actual villain’s plot comes to light and you realize they were working against the evil.

"Canonically" for TWST Katherine might not be part of NRC due to the "all-boys school" angle, but at the very least she'd visit a lot; if she was part of a NRC dorm, it would be Ignihyde like her brother despite everyone and their grandmother expecting her to be sorted into Pomefiore. In Ignihyde, she'd specialize in web design, but she'd also have a knack for engineering; seeing various pieces like a giant puzzle to put together to make things work. Many classmates would come to her for help with building their own PCs.

Thomas and Katherine share a bank account, but have their own cards attached to it. Both earn relatively the same amount of money in their side jobs. Thomas' payments might be more substantial in the moment, but Katherine is commissioned much more frequently, either through bulk orders of products made by her own hand or companies paying substantial amounts for the rights to various recipes they pay her to concoct.

As proud as Thomas is of his sister's accomplishments, Katherine sends him a hysterical amount of perfumed goods of her own creation, asking for critiques. He does what he can, but to reduce them overwhelming his dorm room, he usually does his initial "testing" with them once before leaving them in a box on Pomefiore's doorstep.

Katherine's animal companion at DCA is an orchid mantis named Lamarie; while normally only the companion's owners can hear them speak, Thomas can hear Lamarie talk as well.

Lamarie is a very conceited, boastful little bug to the point where Vil would describe her as "full of herself" if he could hear her speak. Despite her selfish attitude, she cares about Katherine dearly and will go to great lengths to protect her, even if the effort isn't always necessary.

The Monds use a similar fragrance mainly comprising of cloves and fresh rosemary. Thomas' cologne also contains hints spearmint and bergamot. Katherine's perfume also contains hints of lavender and patchouli. Their respective scents are present in various products made by Katherine, and they regularly bathe with the pure oil mixtures stirred into their bath water. This leaves their smells being particularly persistent (almost overwhelming) and while Katherine says there's no magic additives, non- or weak-magicked beings tend to find themselves being slowly entranced or even "hypnotized" by the smell after a certain period, weakening their resolve and rationality.

While their favorite food is chestnuts, both of the twins' favorite dish is chicken curry, though Katherine likes Indian-style curry while Thomas likes Japanese-style curry. While both enjoy a certain level of spiciness, they tend to exaggerate their ability to tolerate it, leading to some...interesting scenarios when the host/cook takes their word on such.

While curry is their favorite food, Katherine enjoys caviar tasting, though Thomas finds caviar gross. However, Thomas enjoys artisan cheeses while Katherine loathes it.

Both twins love boba drinks, particularly ones with lots of fancy toppings. Thomas eats the toppings out of the whip cream with a spoon before drinking, Katherine likes to drink the toppings through her straw as they sink into the drink.

The twins are relatively neutral when it comes to sweets, though once in a blue moon they get plagued by a ravenous sweet tooth. They prefer baked goods over candy when it comes to satisfying their sugar cravings. Thomas is a straightforward cake-lover, especially chocolate (god tier: chocolate lava cake); Katherine will say her favorite dessert is French macarons because of the aesthetic, but she'll sneak out at the crack of dawn to get donuts for the aforementioned sugar craving above.

Thomas is naturally gifted in herbology and plant-based magic. Katherine grew into it in her teens with lots of training and practice, but she had the terrible luck of frequently killing plants when she was a child. When Thomas discovered his affinity, he'd often revive the plants to keep Katherine from crying. Katherine's prized possession is a lamb's tail succulent Thomas gave her when they were kids that he guided her into keeping alive. Thomas doesn't have a passion for herbology, but he keeps a small potted lilac tree in his dorm, as Katherine gave it to him as the first plant she was able to successfully grow during her first year at DCA.

On the flip side, Thomas could burn cereal as a child. Like how he helped Katherine with gardening, Katherine has tried to help his cooking skills. He learned well enough, but without a dedicated cooking class at NRC (chemistry being the closest thing, which HAS surprisingly helped), his learning process has been slow. He's an okay cook now, and what he does make is at least edible if not enjoyable, but it's definitely not pretty. (Thomas: *standing casually in front of a collapsed cake* "Started making it. Had a breakdown. Bon appetite.")

While Thomas is in the board game club, if the club is cancelled or on the days it doesn't meet, he sometimes sits in on magical shift or track and field clubs to help get regular exercise in; he also helps in tutoring/instructing junior students in the clubs.

If the gardening research club doesn't meet, Katherine might show up to the greenhouse/club room to watch and fuss over the plants, even if she doesn't actually interfere with them because she wants to be a good gardener. Sometimes other clubs, usually the volleyball club, will drag her to their meetings to keep her from worrying.

Thomas is usually on the magical shift team for Ignihyde during the tournament, but he's willing to yield his position on the team if there's 7 players stronger than he is.

BACKSTORY HEADCANONS: headcanons relating to their backstory or explanations of how their origins affect other aspects of their life.

The twins were taught how to read, write, and most basic skills by Mim, including how to use magic. This was to her advantage so they could be independent enough to follow her orders (and not bother her when she had no tasks for them).

However, King Arthur adapted magic into his being over his long life, both by being tutored by Merlin for so long and then over the course of his main journeys and triumphs. Spending so much time with the twins as kits, he imbued them with a little of this magic and is the main reason they remember him so well despite how young they were.

In short, the twins had an adaptation to both good and black magic when they were young.

The twins can change between being human and being squirrels. They themselves have wondered if they could transform midway into a hybrid form, but they’re worried about getting “stuck” and haven’t tried. They also don’t want to try because being born as squirrels is a secret they’ve kept from their classmates (they believe it’s a secret to the teachers and staff as well, but both Crowley and Citrouille are well aware of this, despite not knowing full details of the twins’ origins).

Since Mim is an incredibly powerful sorcerer, the twins adapted a human lifespan once they were transformed by her. They were only a few months old as young squirrels when she transformed them and they had become children as humans, but they also started to age as humans as time went on.

The twins adore mainstream human cuisine, but they still have the tendency to snack on nuts and berries they pluck straight off the plant. They have to be careful of this habit because while they can digest certain things like fresh acorns, they have to be mindful that someone might notice them eating raw foods that would normally be poisonous to humans, such as uncooked acorns.

Naturally, the twins excel at Animal Linguistics. They have to be particularly careful about this because animals on campus risk revealing the twins’ secret to other students proficient in Animal Linguistics if they’re spotted transforming. They have to feign natural excellency at the subject as humans, but also not be found out when transforming into squirrels to use their natural forms to their advantage.

The twins don’t remember Merlin very well from the short time he was looking after them. While he seemed kind enough in wanting to save them from Mim, they’re not interested in reuniting with him because they don’t know his true intentions.

What they don’t know is that Merlin had managed to locate them when they started school, but has decided to leave them alone for the most part. His original agreement with Arthur’s son was to make sure they were released safely into the wild and he sees their current situation as a way to interpret it. He’s normally away, but sometimes he checks in, guiding them as a disembodied voice or animating objects to lead them in the right direction. The twins write this off as normal absurdity in their magic-filled schools and don’t realize it’s him.

The twins weren't sorted into Savanaclaw or Sagamore despite being animal-humans partially because they're not clear hybrids. Another, bigger reason is that their memories from being in nature are not pleasant ones (first being orphaned as kits and then living under Mim's hand) and they want to distance themselves from nature and their "origins" as much as possible.

They put a lot of effort into learning as much as they could about the modern world in such a short amount of time. Their knowledge is certainly passable, but they still slip up here and there. They prioritized learning alchemy for potions that could help them stay awake to study longer or help retain information a bit better. The same came with learning how to use computers as they noticed it was important in the current society. It was difficult for them when they were in hiding before they enrolled, but their fear possibly being enslaved by another witch encourage them to study hard and get stronger in both knowledge and resolve.

Lamarie knows they’re origins and the twins know she knows, but she keeps their secret to respect their wishes and protect Katherine, worried that the witch from their past might be trying to find them.

Lilia and Malleus are also highly aware that the twins aren't human, but they keep it to themselves.

One reason the twins use such strong fragrances in their products is because when they were still hiding at NRC, one persistent Savannaclaw student could pick up on their scent in rooms they were previously in during the night. Even if they were in human form in that room, the student specifically mentioned picking up on the scent of "squirrel" so it lead the twins to believe that even as humans their natural scent/musk smells animalistic. They threw the student off their literal scent before he could find them out by slipping a potion into his drinks and food to give him horrible allergies for the rest of his time at NRC, making him unable to smell clearly until he graduated.

IN-GAME HEADCANONS: headcanons regarding how the twins would work as canon characters in the actual game.

Thomas' unique magic is called "Found Your Weak Spot". He zeroes in on an opponent's weakness, whether it's physical, emotional, or magical and identifies how to exploit it; his attacks become critical.

Katherine's unique magic is called "Take a Deep Breath". A pleasant, but abundant fragrance overtakes her opponents, confusing their minds and slowing their movements, making their attacks much easier to dodge.

If they were in the game, they'd have an overblot boss battle as a special event. During the event, a side story would unfold where the player finds out about their past. The event would reward the player for participating by giving them rare cards where the twins unlock a human-squirrel hybrid form (similar to Savanaclaw students). The cards would depict stories of the twins trying to come to terms with being more open about their origins with their classmates, as well as trying to adjust to their hybrid forms.

CHARACTER RELATIONSHIP HEADCANONS: headcanons explaining how the twins, either separately or together, interact with canon or other OC characters.

During holidays where students can visit home, the twins stay at NRC, normally spending it having huge gaming marathons with Idia. While it took years of getting to know Thomas for Idia to open up to the idea, he enjoys how they're much more willing to venture out to restock on snacks and other supplies in his place. Ortho, unsurprisingly, has to be the voice of reason and makes sure the trio doesn't die from their diet of pizza and chocolate pretzels during this time.

Going back to how the twins have relatively normal diets, they will eat the most decadent, indulgent food concoctions (think burgers with jelly donuts as buns or hotdogs with s’more toppings) in front of Vil just to horrify him. Vil’s motions to have them banned from Pomefiore dorm and a restraining order from him personally have gone unapproved.

While not particularly kid-oriented, the twins are very good at interacting with Ortho. Thomas tries to look after him when Idia isn't around, particularly performing small maintenance on Ortho's suit (such as replacing worn wires or tightening bolts) when it wears a little from extensive use in the middle of the school day. Katherine has had less interaction with Ortho, but gives him little trinkets and souvenirs from DCA when she visits Thomas.

Cheka doesn't know the twins all that well, but he likes their long hair worn in braids (or, as he calls them, their "head-tails").

HOLIDAY HEADCANONS: headcanons specifically centered around how the twins celebrate the holidays.

During their first Christmas at NRC when they were hiding, they'd sneak into dorms and watch holiday movies any students were watching. They were enamored by gingerbread houses and managed to get a boxed kit each year to decorate, but now that they're older, they decide on a design and Katherine will bake the pieces herself when she visits NRC during the holiday break. Ortho typically joins them and has fun helping decorate the structure; he tries to get Idia to join, but the older Shroud tends to hyper fixate on one area to decorate and over-obsesses on how to make it "perfect" to not ruin the overall look of the gingerbread house. They're all glad Idia joins them, but they worry about whether or not he's actually having fun with it.

DCA FESTIVAL HEADCANONS: headcanons regarding the festival held by Diamond Crown Academy.

Katherine gives her bath products to be sold at the perfume booths by the alchemy students. She checks in occasionally to see if they need more of her products (and sometimes to man a stall for awhile so someone else can take a break), but she's normally involved in the more physically active attractions.

Katherine's duties for the festival rotates throughout the course of it. Since one of her strongest subjects is Obstacle Run (see: squirrel), she spends a good amount of time at the obstacle course being a potential challenger for the visiting students to race against.

Katherine is part of an idol group, but with rotating performances from different groups, she doesn't have to spend a lot of time on stage.

Despite not being a dorm leader, a lot of DCA students recognize Thomas as Katherine's brother (either as a formal acquaintance or just "hey, he looks exactly like the girl from Chateau Beastiale") so the native students are more open to approaching him out of familiarity. Some students even "drag" him to a certain booth or attraction to get his opinion on their hard work.

The first few years, Thomas was content to just wander around on his own. He tried hanging out with Rook during the festival for a bit, but the attention Rook tends to get got a little boring for Thomas to put up with. Now he just trades off who he hangs out with, if he hangs out with anyone at all while Katherine's busy.

Thomas doesn't realize it, but he has a bit of a "prince charming" reputation himself. This is because of his long hair and charming demeanor, but DCA students fawned over him at a distance one time while he was helping Katherine fix her hair before one of her performances, people swooning over his caring "older brother" instinct.

Aside from watching Katherine's group, Thomas tries to distance himself from the idol performances. Whether it comes from wanting to tease their colleague's brother or just wanting Thomas' attention, some groups will drag him on stage after their initial performance and encourage him to try and dance along to one of their songs. He goes along despite being embarrassed because he'd find it more embarrassing to "run away" or cause some sort of scene at Katherine's school by protesting.

Thomas usually spends his time trying out different foods, but he'll also find himself in the art gallery, trying to see if there's any pieces inspired by King Arthur or the twins' original home world. If there is, he purchases it immediately if he artist lets him, but given the unlimited points of inspiration in the world, he almost never sees any pieces.

He also spends a surprising amount of time at the Futterwacken dorm because the sentient tea sets stir a strange feeling of nostalgia in him. While he doesn't interact with Riddle too often, them both enjoying the tea parties at the festival allows them to catch up and have fun in familiar company, even if they don't usually hang out at NRC.

It's through the above that Thomas came into a possession of a very strange sugar bowl. The dish's enthusiasm humored him a great deal and when he asked about it, it brought attention to how nobody at DCA actually knew where that particular sugar bowl had come from and, with the staff's permission, they allowed Thomas to buy it and take it back to his dorm. The little bowl's antics still continue to amuse him, but he can't seem to make it understand that he doesn't want sugar in anything other than coffee or tea. He doesn't drink energy drinks or do his alchemy homework in his room anymore...

SPICY HEADCANONS: a link to general headcanons regarding NSFW headcanons about the twins. This set of headcanons will always linked at the bottom of the post. These headcanons will typically contain explict, sexual details so please do not read if you are not comfortable with such. (no link exists at this time)

[nerdylittleshit]

Thoughts about Spn 15x03

SPOILERS AHEAD! BEWARE!

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo… This episode man. I’m having emotions. Several of them. I love me some angst and well this episode delivered. Though I think that the promo for this week’s episode kinda spoiled the big character death at the end, so I really thought they might go another way. This episode focused on big character moments, with the Ghostapocalypse functioning as a vehicle for those moments. We do say goodbye to quite a few characters (though some just temporarily), so next week we will shift from an ensemble cast back to Sam & Dean, and what looks like a classic monster-of-the-week-episode, though given it is the last season there might be more to it. We will see. Until then, let’s have a closer look at this week’s episode.

Ketch me if you can

Let’s start with Ketch, who… well dies. And unfortunately next to Rowena’s big sacrifice you almost forget his death. Which felt a bit underwhelming to be honest. First of you don’t expect a hunter/former Men of Letter/ assassin to be killed by a demon. Why was there no protection in the hospital? No devil’s trap, nothing? And of course ketch died in the way we would not have expected of him: sacrificing himself to protect Sam and Dean. Which of course should show us how far he has come, how much he has changed, in particular by the Winchesters. And yet it kinda felt cheap, not only because we saw similar death scenes before or it felt too easy for Ardat to kill Ketch, but because Ketch’s death scene has to live up to Rowena’s and naturally he loses against that competition.

If anything Ketch’s death was yet another reminder that this is the last season, so the show tries to wrap up as many story and character arcs as they can, though I hope we will see other endings than characters who sacrifice themselves. You just can’t let them all die. And as mentioned Ketch’s death follows a pattern, we have seen characters like him and deaths like his before. Characters who start out as antagonists, become better through the Winchesters and end up giving their life for them: Meg, Crowley, and now Ketch and Rowena.

Like I said it kinda felt cheap, using the same trope over and over again, though perhaps this is yet another meta level. We have Dean pointing out that the Ghostapocalypse feels sort of sloppy and not like the ending they deserve. There were many complains among fans that this particular storyline did not feel scary or threatening, and that is perhaps the point. Chuck was improvising and turns out he is not as good as a writer as he thinks he is. So perhaps especially in this season whenever a storyline feels constructed or a trope overused this might be intentional. The strongest moments this season where the character moments: because their choices, their feelings, that is what is real. That is what matters.

Lilith Bo-Peep

Speaking of constructed storylines: there just happens to be a magical object that can get all the souls back to hell, you just haven’t heard about it because of reasons. Again the constructed story is a framework for various character moments: Cas and Belphegor’s conversation in hell, Belphegor’s betrayal, Cas who is forced to kill “Jack”, and how Dean used all of this to let out his anger at Cas (more of this later).

What I find interesting about Belphegor is that he used to work as a torturer in hell and he still tortures people, namely Cas, though less obvious. He has an excellent intuition for what would hurt someone the most. He has watched Sam, Dean and Cas only for a few days and yet he figured out their dynamic, knows that something is wrong between them. Of course when Cas tells Belphegor that Sam and Dean only use him and don’t actually care about him he just voices his own greatest fear, and Belphegor knows that and uses it against him.

For a moment it looks like Belphegor might become the new Big Bad (no thanks), so Cas did the only right thing at that moment and kills him, which of course was yet another torture, as Belphegor was still wearing Jack’s body. Cas already blames himself for Jack’s death and now he had to symbolically kill him again. And of course Cas couldn’t have known that this action would lead to Rowena’s sacrifice, so Dean blaming him for that is yet another thing.

Rowena the Brave

I have grown quite fond of Rowena over the years, especially since they moved her story away from Crowley and focused more on her. I’m not sure yet how to feel about her death to be honest. It was a great death scene (with phenomenal acting from both Ruth and Jared), it was a worthy end to her story, and yet I do not like in general killing of female characters, especially powerful, layered and complex female characters. And obviously this death beats her previous deaths because it had happened in her own terms, it was her own choice and she died a hero. I do believe she already had this plan B of hers in the back of her mind, knowing that something could go wrong with plan A. that is why she choose Sam as her assistant, knowing that when worse comes to worse she needed him to kill her.

And what is so interesting is her reasoning for her death. She claims that she does not care about Sam and Dean or the world, at least not enough to give her own life. But she believes in magic and in prophecies. Which actually is the opposite of Team Free Will, of believing in choice and rewriting your destiny. And the thing is, Rowena doesn’t have to die. If the Ghostapocalypse would have happened she probably would have survived, given her resurrection sachet. This is not a situation where she would have died either way, so she chose the one where she at least would save the others. But to her it is clear that everything that is happening is destined to be: the world about to end, her spell that needs the ultimate sacrifice and Sam with her. And of course it had to be Sam; killing herself would not have worked (or so she assumes), for her final death it had to be Sam killing her. And I always thought she took some comfort from knowing it would be Sam who kills her; Sam who would not be unnecessarily cruel. In the end she chose her death and the circumstances of it; Sam only killed her because she asked him to do it.

Rowena’s death mirrors both Crowley’s and Sam’s death, the two men she was closest to. Her final words are almost the same as Crowley’s and she lets herself fall into the open gates of hell the way Sam did in 5x22. Each of them (Rowena, Crowley, Sam) died to save the world, to protect the ones they love. So is this the end of Rowena? I saw some speculation floating around that she could become the new Queen of Hell, which I would approve. And is Sam now getting more into magic? Rowena already claims he is the most magical talented among them. We will see.

Break me up before you go-go

Let’s talk about that final scene between Cas and Dean, shall we? *rubshands* As I already said obviously Cas is not to blame for Rowena’s death. He couldn’t have known that his action would lead to her sacrificing herself. He did the best he could in the situation with Belphegor. So Dean blaming him for Rowena’s death is just an excuse. Dean is angry, at himself, the world, Chuck, and also Cas. But Cas is currently the only one he can throw at his anger. Dean decides for Cas that he is the one who will escort Belphegor to hell, and as Belphegor notices neither Sam or Dean seem to care too much about Cas, giving the risk of the mission.

Everything that happens hits all of Cas’s buttons, all his insecurities at once. He is afraid Sam and Dean don’t care about him and only want him around because he is useful. His powers are fading, which has actually nothing to do with Dean’s behaviour towards him, but to Cas it reads different. He fears he has no place in their family, telling Dean that at least Sam and Dean have each other. With Jack dead, with Chuck seemingly gone, he thinks he no longer has a reason to stay around. All of Dean’s behaviour made it obvious that he does not care about Cas, at least in Cas’s eyes. And on top of that Dean called him ‘wrong’. Cas has always been accused to be wrong, mostly from his angelic family. Too much heart, too close to the humans in his charge. Now his human family has dismissed him as well.

Ironically one of Dean’s greatest fear comes true as well: everyone he loves will leave him eventually. Though of course he is responsible for Cas leaving them. What is interesting about the Dean-Cas-Break-Up-scene is that it is happening at such an early point of the season. All their issues have been addressed and communicated. Dean knows now that Cas is afraid he does not care about him, that he only wants him around when he is useful, that he has no place in their family. It is up to Dean to prove him wrong. All of this need to happen in order for them to overcome their problems, to get to a healthier place in their relationship. Looking forward to it.

Until next week my lovelies <3

[voices-ringing-out]

🎰

Send 🎰 for me to put our muses into a random list generator then post the first five as potential ships!

~ * ~ * ~ * ~

1. Junkrat and Klaus Hargreeves!

This one was super interesting to me tbh. I feel like Klaus is easily attracted to people who are sort of chaotic and ‘dangerous’, so to speak, at least on a surface level so it wouldn’t be surprising to me at all if he took some sort of liking to Junkrat tbh. I’m not sure how a more committed relationship would go, especially going off what you said about how difficult it is for Junkrat to sort of register affection - but I think the potential for a lot of pretty fun interactions between the two is there!

2. Chell Rattmann and Rupert Giles!

I don’t know much about Chell but from what I read about her, she seems like the sort of person that Giles would connect well with on any level. He’s not very good at sign language, but he does know it, and has plenty of admiration for people who are determined to survive no matter what. I think Giles would have a lot of respect for her and would definitely want to get to know her better. (Edited to add: this obviously is all in a platonic sense, since your muse page says Chell is gay! This meme says ‘ship’ meme but tbh I’m just using it for interactions/platonic connections/any sort of connections in general so. Just wanted to make sure to say so!)

3. Dean Domino and Crowley!

This one was fun to think about. So, Dean Domino is the sort of person that Crowley is 110% into on any and all levels, he loves the charming, arrogant, vengeful types. The way I think it would go, seeing as Dean is straight is that Crowley would prolly be kind of pushy because he’s Crowley, but ultimately if they end up not trying to kill each other, I think Crowley would love to work with him on a professional level too. The two of them seem very similar in many ways, so that could bring about some very fun interactions, lmao

4. Sheriff Sam Law and Raphael Casmere!

Oh man, so this match would actually be very perfect, haha. So a bit of info on Raphael: he’s the very softspoken artist that I created for a novel my friend and I were writing together. He originally was going to marry a girl he had been friends with since they were young, but shortly before leaving for art school, Raphael realised why the idea of marriage didn’t feel quite right - cause it just felt like marrying a friend, there was no spark there. It turned out he wasn’t attracted to gals, just men and nonbinary folks. Anyway, Sam’s bio said that they’re also very sensitive and into art, as well as music and records, which is perfect because in his canon, Raphael actually works at a record store. I don’t know, I think the two of them would actually click quite well! 

5. Nick Valentine and the Tenth Doctor!

I don’t know much about Nick Valentine admittedly, but going off what I read about in his profile, I feel like they would click pretty well. The Doctor heavily relates to the feeling of “otherness” that Nick deals with, since he deals with it as well, which could be a point the two of them related on. There might be some interesting disagreements, since Nick is listed as Lawful Good, and the Doctor is decidedly Chaotic... well, just chaotic primarily, but also primarily good. So they might disagree on how to go about achieving something sometimes, but otherwise I think they’d get along well!

[diningpageantry]

Leading (You’ll Marry a Music Man)

CARRY ON COUNTDOWN 2019

DAY 12 - SONG/MUSIC INSPIRED

Archive Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21701131

Word Count: 4746

Rating: T

Summary: The Spring Formal is quickly approaching, and Simon wants to dance with his girlfriend. He doesn't know who else to turn to...

~~~~~~~~~~

“She… asked me to dance with her,” he says, picking at his cuticles. They’re rough, just like the rest of the skin on his hands. Dried and cracking, with small slits peeled away to expose not-yet scabbed open flesh. “But I don’t know how to dance.”

“What makes you say I would know how?” I sound so cruel when I mock him. I really shouldn’t be doing that--it’s bordering desperate nowadays. This used to be fun, like a proper game of cat and mouse, but now it’s just boring. More like checkers (or “1001 Ways To Repress Your Crush”).

Snow shrugs, eyes focused on his nail beds. He really is atrocious with personal care. Sure, his hygiene is good enough, but he lets the small things slip. His skin stays dry in winters, and ever since he started growing wispy bits of facial hair last year, he rarely gives himself a clean shave. It must be hard for everyone else to tell, but for me, I can’t help but look at his upper lip. And his lower one, too.

“Don’t all posh kids get dancing lessons as a kid?” he says clearly, and without a hint of sarcasm. He really thinks we did.

My only instinct is to snort, settling my book onto my chest despite having been drawn away from it for the past minute or so. “Honestly, Snow, it’s not the dark ages. We don’t have ceremonious balls anymore.”

When he frowns, his whole face moves with it. Puppy dog eyes--pout and all. “Agatha had dancing classes. I’d assumed that was usual.”

“Well it’s not.”

He chews on his lip, staring at me from across the room. His dresser door hangs open, a few ties loosely dangling haphazardly on a knob. “Does this mean you’re not going to help me?”

“What made you think I was intending on helping you in the first place?”

“Rich people like charity cases. Makes ‘em seem normal. Seem human.”

My brows narrow up at him, jaw setting. He’s ridiculous. Absolutely, out of his mind, ridiculous. “Oh, poor little Snow wants to be a charity case now, does he?” I slide the book off my chest and settle it onto the night stand in front of me. Interjecting before he has the chance, I clear my throat and raise my gaze back up to his. “Allow me to clarify the situation. You want me to give you dancing lessons so that you can dance with your pretty little girlfriend at the spring formal next week?”

“Yes.”

“And there’s nothing in it for me besides a sense of, what, charity work?”

“Well, I don’t have much else to give you, do I?”

I purse my lips, drumming my hand onto the mattress. Crowley. This is already a bloody mess (quite literally, given his skin’s still bleeding a bit from the picking).

“Please?” He adds, reluctantly. It sounds a bit like when you’re a kid and your parent prods your shoulder for the sake of manners. I can’t help but imagine Bunce being the one who taught him that.

“Merlin.” I swing my legs around, planting my feet flat on the floor as I feel his eyes follow me. “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”

“Is that--”

“Don’t push it, Snow. Leave it without the verbals.”

He stares at me, dumbfounded. “But, why?”

“You cock up any verbal communication.” I watch as he opens his mouth to protest, then immediately snaps it shut and clenched. “I’m going to say this once, and this once only. I’ll help you with this… this thing, so long as you shut up and listen. Deal?”

He nods, lips twitching into a half-frown, half straightened and tight-lipped.

I nod back to him, standing and crossing my arms over my chest. “Should we start now then?”

“I--well--”

“Yes or no, Snow.”

He rubs his neck, shirt lifting a bit as he shifts his weight from foot to foot. “Yeah. Sure, yes.”

Despite his words, when I step closer, he steps back and raises his hands without a second thought. I just roll my eyes, arms staying crosses as I watch him scramble about.

He recollects himself quickly, cheeks going a tad bit pink as he clears his throat. “Music?”

Well, he does have a point. Shouldn’t be getting myself too carried away.

Reaching into my back pocket, I draw my wand and point it into the air. Without it being pointed at him, Snow flinches back in the slightest as he throws his eyes towards the floor. I simply utter “You’ll marry a music man.” Out of the walls leaks soft sounds of a gentle melody, one easy to sway to.

Snow’s eyes lift as I offer a hand, bowing my head. Hesitantly, he reaches out and takes it. His palm is rough and warm, and when my fingertips trail up his wrist, I can feel his pulse padder against my skin. It makes for such an intimate moment, with the raise of his eyes up to my face to the shaky offer of his other hand.

Sliding my wand back into my pocket wastes me a precious moment of uncomfortably trying to hold Snow in a faked out, bullshit, “angrily” agreed upon dance lesson.

Because, in all honesty, I want to do this. 

Sort of.

I want to have Snow close--to feel his breath on my skin and his strong, clumsy hands settled onto me. I want to feel him sway with me; to feel his trust in my movements. I want all the world of him in a dance.

What I don’t want, though, is him knowing.

Even settling his palm to mine overwhelms me with the all-encompassing fear that he’ll somehow find out. I’ll let it slip, or he’ll finally learn to look through me in my weakest moments.

Given our history, I should be more afraid of him stabbing me (or me draining him), but instead I’m here running myself in circles in fears of him knowing more to me than anybody else does. And that’s terrifying.

There’s truly nothing more heartstopping than the look in Snow’s eyes as I wrap my fingers around his free wrist. Heartstopping, as both breathtaking and fear-evoking. Especially as I settle his hand against my back, head tipping up as he stares up at me glassily.

I wish he wasn’t this beautiful up close.

“Fall into step,” I tell him with an uncharacteristic softness to my voice, nudging his foot with mine before I start carefully stepping into a basic waltz. He tries to follow after a moment, basically just rocking on his feet.

After nearly a minute, I notice the issue upon us. “Move your hand to my shoulder,” I order, hand slipping around his arm and settling onto his upper back. I feel him tense below me.

“Wha… isn’t this putting you in lead?” he mumbles, a bit confused but having the right idea.

“Exactly.”

“But--”

“Just watch what I’m doing,” I shush him,, eyes down at our feet. “Watch how I move.”

He grumbles something inaudible, head hanging as I start back into step. It’s slower this time, and we fall more into a sway as my feet drag across the floor. I whisper quiet commands of where to move, how to step. He, somewhat, follows them, while stepping on me a few times in the process.

It’s nearly dark before he realizes they’re serving dinner.

He snaps away, letting the music of the room fade out as he backs further off from me wordlessly. Not to my shock, he can’t look me in the eye (even as he gives a short wave to head off).

By the time night falls and I wander back into the room after my trip to the wood, he’s asleep with his back to me.

It’s odd--it hurts. It aches as nothing else between us has before, and I can’t quite pinpoint where it comes from. The odd rushed sensation of him ripping himself from me (albeit, understood, given food was in question) leaves me with a cold pang in my chest. Does he want to keep dancing? How long are these “lessons” supposed to last?

I sit at the edge of the bed, watching the rise and fall of his body as it rakes over my brain. Why me of all people?

People like him. People love him. People adore the way he smiles and listens, given he barely talks at all. It's absolutely past me as to why he asked me of all people, when he could just ask around class until he found someone who didn't prickle at his touch, just to learn some quick dancing.

Unlacing my shoes and laying back, I listen to his soft inhales and exhales, mixing with the soft sloshing of the moat so near to us.

The window's open, and it's freezing.

He's shirtless and cuddling his blanket, not letting it drape over him.

I'll leave it; he'd want that. I'll do anything he wants. It's so painfully unfair that I crumble so quickly for him, but it is how it is.

Even as I close my eyes and try to sleep, I overwhelm myself with the reality that I'm practically dancing Snow right into Wellbelove’s arms. I'm letting him be happy.

Which doesn’t feel quite right. It feels overwhelming selfish, ultimately, to be giving him these dance classes. I could have fully told him off; told him to google it, or to trust that Wellbelove already likes him as the oaf he is. But I didn’t. I decided that, of all places, the space in my arms is where he’s meant to be (at least, for now).

And, as the next day comes upon us, I find that I'm almost excited at the prospect of our lessons.

When he asks me, I try to force an exasperated expression before waving my wand and letting the music pour.

“When can I lead?” He complains, dropping his hand to my shoulder. “I will be leading, after all.”

“When you learn to follow,” I hiss, taking his palm and cupping our fingers around one another’s hands. His thumb rubs once against my skin, and I mock it up to a fluke.

At least he falls more relaxed now, body less rigid to the slow, spinning movements we share. In fact, it feels too relaxed. Too unstructured.

“Don’t fall behind, Snow,” I snap as he trips up again, head flying down to watch his feet. “And don’t look at yourself. Crowley, you’re helpless.”

“I--” he starts, frowning and shooting his chin back up to face me. His eyes narrow, and he starts to smell a bit like a charred matchstick. “Fuck you I’m trying.”

“Not hard enough, obviously.” My head turns away, facing the wall. For some unknown and fully unfair reason, I can’t look him in the eye so close. It stings--it feels like lemon juice. I hurt enough being this close already.

“Fine!” he snaps, letting go entirely. “Lesson done for today, then. Prick.” He picks up the blazer he threw onto his bed and storms out of the room wordlessly, leaving it reeking of smoke and ash.

I hate that it makes me want a cigarette.

What I hate more, though, is his now blatant acts to ignore me, down to the end of the day. Turned away again, curled into himself and keeping the window wide open. I shut it tonight, perhaps more of a spiteful gesture onto my feelings for him rather than his actions towards me.

Either way, fuck this.

I close my eyes, exhaling slowly as I count. One day, two days, three days, four… the dance is now six days away. Which, of course, means at least five more lessons. Brilliant.

The next day feels the same. We have our lesson, we snap a bit, but this time we make it through over a half an hour before I head off to practice.

The next few days flow just the same--we dance, we bicker, we finish for one reason or another. We don’t talk about it. There’s something forbidden held in the words of our actions, therefore it goes unspoken. Unnoted.

In fact, we barely speak about anything until three days before the formal when Snow looks at me and says, “I thought you said you didn’t know how to dance.”

I slowly dip my head down, staring at him incredulously. “When did I ever--”

“You said you didn’t have dance classes.”

“I said not every posh kid had lessons,” I correct, holding his hand tighter as we continue to step. “I never said anything about my own classes.”

He lights up to that, a grin spreading across his face. “Aha! I knew it! You had rich little dance classes, huh?”

Automatically, I sigh and lift my head so my eyes stare anywhere else but him as I exhale. “I took two years of dancing because my stepmother thought it was a good idea. There. Happy?”

Snow laughs, hand squeezing mine as we spin. “How old were you then?”

“Started when I was seven,” I monotone, still looking up, to the side, and just at anything that isn’t him. “Had a little suit and everything.”

“Awhh,” he sighs. I can feel his smile, and it makes me feel sick. “I bet you were actually nice then.”

“I doubt it. My siblings are ankle-biters as it is now. Couldn’t be much different than them.”

“Didn’t know you have sisters…”

I dare a glance at him, raising a brow teasingly as I us about and watch the clear, overwhelming openness on his face (Crowley, it hurts). “There are a lot of things you don’t know about me, Simon Snow.”

The wiggle of his index startles me, making me tense as he laces our hands together. I’m about to tell him off, opening my mouth for a jab, before he speaks up before me. “I want to know those things.”

“Why?”

“Because… we don’t always have to fight. We’re not fighting right now.”

“We could be.”

“Yeah, but we aren’t.”

My jaw hangs open as I narrow my eyes at him, unsure of what to address about this first. “Snow--”

“We don’t have to be enemies,” he urges, suddenly dropping away from me. The music quickly fades, distancing as he steps further. “Are we enemies now? Do you want to kill me when we do this?”

My lip pulls to a snarl. “Yes. Always, obviously,” I blatantly lie, crossing my arms over my chest as Snow blinks, then pouts, lips twitching and working up to a rightful fit of emotions.

“Always the villain, huh?” He grumbles, rolling his eyes at me before picking up his blazer. “Fucking fine. Look. Forget about what I said, then.”

“Fine.” I feel disgusting. I want to punch myself. I want to throw myself to the merewolves. “Would rather forget.”

“Right.”

“Right.”

We stare at one another, his brows pulled close and skin practically buzzing with frustrated magick whizzing about him before he huffs, shaking his head and leaving the room. Leaving me. Leaving me alone, with my thoughts. Alone with my frustrations for something that could’ve been something, if I just hadn’t been myself…

Suppose that’s always what it boils down to. I’m a devil of my own creation.

I swallow my nerves and go to clean up, then head to the catacombs.

By the next day, there’s rumours going about over Snow and Wellbelove’s relationship. Something about a fight after he went down to dinner. I try to get a reliable source before the evening, but all I get is word on a tiff that went off between them, that someone saw Wellbelove leave Snow alone in a hallway corner looking all distraught, and that they’re both definitely single for the upcoming formal (most likely a suggestion for me to move on to Wellbelove. Sadly).

I don’t quite believe it. I don’t want to believe it, for the same, sinking, selfish feeling of wanting to keep Snow for these dancing lessons, but the confirmation comes in the bitterest of ways.

“Hey, uh…” Snow says, stopping in during the break before dinner. I’m at my desk, halfheartedly attempting to concentrate on an essay for Linguistics. “You don’t have to worry about the lessons anymore.”

I pull my lip up, covering my sinking chest. “Right, after a few and now you believe you’re a prodigy. Well, I can tell you, Snow, you’re definitely not--”

“She broke up with me, you prick. Thought you’d known by now, given you’re all up on her,” he grumbles, giving me what looks more like exhaustion than a death glare. “Don’t have anyone to dance with anymore, so I don’t need to learn shit.”

I try not to look surprised. I try not to look curious. I try not to look hopeful, of all things. “Ah. I see.”

“Yeah.” He scratches his neck, looking at the wall and exhaling before repeating, “Yeah.”

“Do you have anything else to note, Snow, or are you going to stand there and be a distraction?”

I hear Snow grunt and grumble for a minute, going to grab a jumper before locking himself in the bathroom for a minute. During the moment he exists in the room, I keep composure. At least visually. In actually, I’ve gotten six words written onto my page, and my mind is running at a million words a minute.

Of course he doesn’t notice when he leaves. He avoids looking at me, grabbing back his bag and slamming the door as he leaves.

We don’t address it.

Not for days.

Not even as the formal draws closer.

I do notice that Snow promptly fucks off a few hours before the event begins, and when I peer out the window, Bunce is trailing behind him in-tow, seeming to talk very exaggeratedly (with wild hands and even wilder hair). This, luckily, leaves me time to get ready. Wear the usual singular decent outfit I bring along every year. This year, I was allowed to pick (much to my father’s dismay and my stepmother’s delight). Maroon suit, yellow undershirt. My hair is slicked, my shoes are polished, and I look like I’m meant to be--composed and untouchable.

I leave with time to spare, stopping off to meet my minions before the trail along back, heading towards the chapel. They chat mindlessly about classes, then gossip a bit about Snow (Niall actually believes he has a shot with Wellbelove, which he asked for my blessing over once. I gladly gave it). I don’t give much input, busying myself with adjusting and readjusting my cuffs.

The formal itself is rather boring. With student government decorations, and the music clearly playing from somebody’s CD collection--I ache knowing what The bloody Mage has done with technology on grounds. The food seems edible if you’re desperate, and the punch hasn’t been spiked, but I look hot, so I’m not going to leave until everybody sees me.

Everybody including Snow, who isn’t here yet.

Which is a shame, given I can’t quite whore myself out in my own room without risking anything and everything. No, I must be sophisticated out here.

Although, it does dawn on me an hour in that they could have easily been whisked off to a typical, dramatic adventure. One of which that he won’t be back in time to see me looking fit. Shame.

I consider sulking off for a while, watching in boredom from the side of the room, but something suddenly changes about the room--about my space, in particular.

I’m looking the opposite direction as someone falls into place beside me, nearly arm to arm and smelling so, so familiar.

“Can I repay you for a dance?” Snow says, voice soft and muffled under the overwhelming hum of the crowd mixed with the terrible speakers.

I whip my head around, getting a good look at him.

His suit is a bit small. Looks like he got it fitted a year, maybe a year and a half ago, and has since grown wider and bolder. But the simplicity is forgiving, and the soft, springiness of his newly cared for hair makes him somehow more appealing.

Crowley. I’m going to throw myself to the fairies.

“You have more than one dance to repay for,” I say, flicking my wrist and staring at him. He’s worrying his bottom lip, and I fear he’ll draw blood. “But… I’ll allow one. What did you bring me, then?”

He outstretches his hand, palm closed. I’m expecting a little strip of paper that reads “Fuck you”, or something equally as childish, but I’m instead greeted by a blank, offered hand.

“A dance back?” he asks, softer than ever. I worry I’m going to snap at him immediately, and ruin everything. Which, I believe he sees, because he’s squaring his shoulders and standing his ground. “I’m serious. Just a dance.”

“You want to dance with me? In public?” Snow, throw me off a moving train, or do something as equally destructive as giving me everything I want, and then some.

He nods, hand unwavering. “Yeah.”

I watch it in the pink and purple light. He’s got a mole on his hand, at the top right corner of his palm.

I can’t stop myself from reaching out and brushing a fingertip over it, then slowly sliding my hand onto his and warmly closing at it. “So long as you know the consequences,” I warn, trying to sound harsh. I think I may sound scared.

But thankfully, he laughs, and pulls me off the wall. “I know, I know. You’ll take me by my shoulders and launch me into space for this, or whatever. Just let me thank you.”

He takes me out onto the outskirts of the dancers (which, truly, I am thankful for, given crowds are overwhelming to my senses, but he doesn’t know that). At first, I believe he’ll move to our usual positions, but he quickly beats me to it and takes the lead. I shock a bit, raising a brow as he smirks and scrunches his nose.

“I think I’ve learned enough to have this, don’t you?”

“Not really, but I’m not in the mood to squabble tonight.”

He shrugs, pulling me closer into him. “Fair enough,” he hums, “Still got me leading, then.”

“Fuck you,” I mumble, trying, as always, to keep my eyes away from him, but tonight, it feels impossible. He smells cleaner than usual, and he seems well cared for.

I have plenty of questions. Ones I refuse to ignore.

“Where had you run off to tonight, hm? Fighting a hoard of innocent Barbell Bats?”

“Sort of. Not really. Started with a mission, then Penny and I got attacked by Slime Serpents,” he starts, looking off distantly as he rambles. “And of course, we get trapped in downtown London of all places, reeking of the nasty slime, but thankfully alive. In the end, we make our way to her parent’s place, showered, and borrowed some clothes to come to the formal before they drove us back. Quick mission, but I, uh, wanted to be here for this.”

“Why?!” I can’t help but ask, squinting at him. I wouldn’t care nearly that much about something as mundane as a Watford formal.

But he looks at me. Crowley, he looks at me, clenching his jaw and swallowing. A moment passes, and I wait nervously, watching his every move, feeling his every step, before he shakes his head and curses.

“Nothing. Just… don’t want to miss any time here.”

I feel myself exhale, nodding and turning my head away. Merlin… “Figures.”

With that, his hand rubs my back in the slightest, making me stiffen and inhale sharply. He looks up at me, and I instinctively avoid eye contact. This is getting to be too much. “I’m going to go,” I mumble, starting to pull back.

He looks confused, brows pulled together and jaw hanging open as I gulp and shake my head, backing further away.

“Go find Wellbelove, Snow. Have your fairytale dance--I’m sure she’ll want at least one, even if you’re broken up.”

“But, Baz--”

I’m already out the door, heading to the dorm and leaving him far behind.

The stupid, lovesick part of me believes he’ll make a mad-dash behind me, telling me to stop and wait because he loves me, but nothing of the like follows. Instead, it’s silent, with just me marching alone past groups of younger students flocking towards the dance.

In the room, I remind myself, once again, to never anticipate anything Simon Snow does, because whatever outcome you’re expecting, it’ll never quite be right.

Which, is proven true, because he’s back early. Not… a mad dash, but far before the dance let out, either.

He looks worn, and frustrated, and utterly exhausted.

I’m already in bed, reading and in my pyjamas.

When the door closes, he doesn’t move. He stands by the doorway, staring at me for an extended minute and making my insides feel like mush.

“What is it, Sn--”

“Shut it,” he mumbles, starting to stomp closer. I recoil, shocking myself upright and against my headboard and wondering where exactly he’ll punch me, but instead getting shocked by the way he stops at my bedside and waits. And stares. And looks at the edge of my bed, letting me shift aside nervously before he takes a seat and plays with his hands.

I’m holding my breath, counting the moments until he does something, but then I realised I may just asphyxiate first.

“Snow?”

He shakes his head, head snapping up towards me. He looks in a haze, looking me all over before his hands surge out and, before I can even process it, he’s settling them onto my jaw and drawing himself into a kiss.

I freeze against him, eyes wide and mouth suddenly so, so warm. His head’s tilted in, and his hair is in my face, and he’s so close. He’s here, against me, and I’m worrying I’m hallucinating until he’s pulling away, hands kept to my face.

I don’t let him. I yank him back in last minute and press my lips back, hard. Probably letting the fact that I don’t know anything about this show, too, but I’m not sure that matters. Simon Snow wanting to kiss me (I assume--he started it, after all) is all that matters.

We’re not kissing long before he pulls back and apologises, cheeks pink and warm, and smelling of cinnamon sugar. Or, at least, to me they are.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I should’ve--”

“Crowley, Snow, never apologise about that,” I murmur, dumbstruck and blinded by the moment. “I’m… what happened?”

“Aggie broke up with me because of you,” he mumbles, hesitantly setting a quick peck onto my lips, which I take happily. “Said I talk about you too much. I pay more attention to you than to her. I think she’s right.”

My eyes are shut, so I can’t see his expression, but I want to believe so desperately that he looks beyond enamoured. I can’t imagine it.

I open my eyes, then, and I’m blown away with how he actually looks.

Half-lidded and exposed. Warm. Like he’s ready to latch to me any minute.

“Why did you kiss me?” I feel myself say.

“Because,” he starts. “I figured one of two answers. You kill me, or you kiss me back. I thought about it earlier, when Penn and I were out. She asked me why I wanted to be back so much, and I told her the truth. That I wanted to see you dance. She gave me hell for that one, but I got the point eventually. And I couldn’t wait after I knew.”

The patience in this one, huh.

“Merlin,” I whisper, hesitantly setting my hands onto his shoulders. He presses into me, happily, with a soft hum and a cheerful grin.

“Well, you didn’t kill me.”

“Not yet.”

“Not ever,” he whispers, licking his lips. He’s right. He doesn’t know it, but he’s right. Not ever.

I shrug, then look at him, feeling myself soften up. I move to cover it, pulling him in for another kiss.

“Snow,” I mumble onto his lips. He nods, letting me continue. “Please, never take the lead in dancing again. You’re painfully awful at it.”

He grins, laughing against me. “Noted.”

[not-a-space-alien]

hey its me again wall of text sorry not sorry

k i saw your little treatise justifying zadr and yknow its a cartoon its not the worst thing ever of course nobody is gonna sue you for reblogging fanart or burn you at the stake or w/e and im glad you decided to open yourself up to a differing opinion but zim IS portrayed as an adult. there was even an unfinished episode where zim’s childhood and growing up training from start to finish would be shown so by the time of the pilot he is definitely a full grown developed adult by irken standards especially if hes a former member of an elite military force like the invaders. jhonen has said that the irony and sad comedy of zims character is that hes a grown ass man and a war veteran to boot who VOLUNTARILY goes to an elementary school every day and throws hands with an 11 year old boy who should be well below his notice because he’s that pathetic and desperate for validation that he’ll stoop to seeking it from a child. it also sets up a dynamic between them where dib is CHALLENGED by having to go up against an adult with way more experience than him while dib is just a child, so when he wins its more meaningful, which is a common trope in childrens fiction that an underdog young hero has to take down a powerful adult villain.

jhonen might joke a lot but he’s serious about this part of the characterization of zim and dib and he even went to great lengths to make dib look and act more like a kid in ETF (more emotional and naive, designed to look smaller/softer, going in depth with his relationship to his dad and sister and needing his dad to protect him at the end when he’s too overrun to fight alone) just to drive home the point of how young he is. it was a very deliberate move and jhonen knows what hes doing ESPECIALLY since he also left zim pretty much unchanged and also includes gags about zim’s relative maturity like animating him briefly grimacing because his joints are sore and the part where he pretty much gestures to his crotch and goes “theyre afraid to look at ALL-A THIS”. like you would not see jhonen do that sort of joke with an underage character ok. dont confuse his social awkwardness and self deprecating/trolling humor for not knowing the difference between right and wrong and not acknowledge when he means something sincerely because he doesn’t just clown on people and troll ALL THE TIME 24/7 hes a human, and times have changed with more awareness on issues such as the grooming of minors so he can go back on things he may have said in the past that he doesn’t agree with now or said by mistake. he has said enough times that zim is older than any human alive that its safe to take his word for it by now. judging by the one strip he did in JTHM about johnny murdering a pedophile who was about to prey on squee i think his stance on protecting kids is pretty clear. also i wouldnt put it past jhonen to have redesigned membrane to be more chaddy looking to divert the adult fandom’s attention away from dib and throw the fangirls a bone but thats a whole nother can of worms lol.

and the justification that zim is immature so hes essentially on dib’s level is a reversal of something lots of kids hear from either creepy or ignorant adults who tell them theyre “so mature for their age”. no matter how emotionally mature you are it wont ever compensate for the number of years youve been alive so that’s not very sound logic, and even in fic where theyre both adults it’s still pretty weird because it doesn’t erase their history where zim knew dib as a kid. that’s sort of like a grownup waiting with bated breath until a kid is “legal” so they can start dating. kinda like when jacob imprints on bella’s newborn daughter in twilight then having it handwaved away by saying he’ll wait till she’s grown up, which understandably drew a huge amount of criticism. it’s a loophole that might be mildly acceptable in some cases but the context leaves it colored with a residual ickiness that sets off some red flags for me and a lot of other people.

also you said zim is an alien and therefore the situation itself is unrealistic, but the reason invader zim’s writing resonates with people is because zim is written with very HUMAN emotions and motivations and part of the humor again is how irkens despite being aliens from another planet mirror some of humanity’s worst flaws such as being petty, gluttonous, willfully ignorant, arrogantly believing they are special and better than everyone else, easily manipulated by propaganda, all too eager to greedily colonize other societies etc making them not so different from us at all. so the premise out of context might not seem realistic but the idea of a sad burnout adult who doesn’t realize how humiliating it is to be consistently outsmarted by a kid less than half their age IS realistic and applicable to human interaction since we’ve likely all met someone like this before at one point in our lives for example a schoolteacher who has a personal vendetta against one or more of their students and has nothing better to do than antagonize them, or a really dumb parent that you fight with a lot.

another thing, i know you and other fans probably have a lot of sentimental value and nostalgia attached to zadr because you probably shipped it back when you were a kid yourself and you cant be blamed for something you liked as a kid, but youre an adult now, and you have to listen to the portion of kids in the fandom who dont like zadr and say without question that the age gap makes them uncomfortable. those kids ARE the priority. we’re grown up now and we have to put our feelings aside for them because that’s part of being responsible and mature. i feel like zim himself is a pretty good example of how not to act at our age [shrug emoji]

and anyway a lot of the same elements of zadr can be explored with zadf just as well with just as much potential for cute moments and as a bonus is it’s not creepy

You do bring up some good points, and I’m not saying you’re wrong...  But honestly I’m still not convinced.  I mean, stuff that Jhonen said, the thing is even if it’s the author saying it it’s still outside of canon, that’s the reason why Neil Gaiman got flack for Good Omens because they didn’t write an actual kiss or hug or hand-hold between Aziraphale and Crowley yet Neil Gaiman went on Twitter saying they were queer representation.  I still don’t really put much stock into what he says because the unfinished episodes and Jhonen’s commentary don’t really change the dynamic that’s actually in the show.  And again...Jhonen said if there were going to be romance in the show it would be Zim/Gaz, so he’s either a huge hypocrite or doesn’t view Zim as being incompatible with Gaz.

I do think it’s much better when Dib is an adult and it just makes more sense, and I actually do prefer zadf to zadr and if i were going to ever write fanfiction or make fanart it would probably just be zadf, just because i know this does have some stuff to think about and I totally respect that you have a different view of it, but i honestly just don’t see it that way.  The analogy with Jacob imprinting on Bella’s child in Twilight isn’t really the same thing honestly.  The author in that situation tried to make it not......that....by saying that imprinting isn’t always a romantic relationship thing, and that Jacob would be more of an older brother, but honestly that doesn’t really negate the impact of grooming that kid would have with Jacob around.  The idea that Zim would somehow be grooming Dib seems really silly to me although you’re right, I think his characterization in Into the Florpus has evolved somewhat especially with regard to Dib wanting to get his father’s approval, but again Zim has parallels with that in trying to please the Tallest.  the world-building and characterizations are inconsistent and scattershot at best.  Like no, zim isn’t waiting for him to turn legal, that’s absurd, they’re nemeses coming at each other then learning to be friends.  You’re right that that doesn’t have to be zadr but I still tag it as zadr so people can block it if they want to.

Like, I’ve seen people ship Zim with Professor Membrane instead of Dib.  That seems very weird to me.  that professor membrane would have a relationship with someone who literally goes to his son’s elementary school and who doesn’t know anything at all about human behavior and emotions.

I feel like with this discussion people don’t really understand the problem with age gaps. With age gaps, it’s not a matter of mature/immature, it’s about development.  A ten year age gap sounds like a lot right?  a 25-year-old and a 15-year old would absolutely have a predatory “relationship.”  But a 35- and a 45-year old, that’s perfectly fine.  Having a difference in age doesn’t automatically make the relationship unhealthy.  so if Dib is 25 and Zim is [whatever the hell aliens years i still don’t really take Jhonen’s word for it bc he’s not consistent], that’s doesn’t mean it has to be bad.  The thing about telling minors they’re “so mature for their age” to try and convince them that a person interested in them isn’t a pedophile is that we know a human being who is 15 isn’t developmentally at the same level as a 25-year-old regardless of their behavior.  What is Zim?  All we have to go on is how he acts, and he acts like Dib is an equal match, it’s not “he’s immature for his age,” it’s very unclear.  Raw number of years isn’t the ultimate decider, for example in DnD lore elves reach maturity at, like, 100 years old so a 25-yo human trying to get with a 50-year-old elf would be predatory to the young elf even though the “younger” one is technically twice as old as the human.  Do you see what I’m saying?

I also don’t really buy the idea that Invader Zim’s writing resonates with people because Zim is ~~so human~~.  The guy steals a bunch of kid’s organs in one episode and flies into a tantrum over the slightest inconvenience.  You have to be reading really deeply into it and dig into some old internet archives of things Jhonen Vasquez has said to paint it as realistic.  You can do some interesting things with it wrt like, Zim being defective and starting to experience human emotions but that’s mostly fanon.

Well, you’ve given me some things to think about, thanks for explaining your side to me.  I’m still going to tag things as #zadr so people can block if it can’t plausibly be categorized as zadf.  I’m not actually making any fan content for Invader Zim so the point is kind of moot, but if I ever do I’ll definitely take this into consideration.

[nellie-elizabeth]

Supernatural: Our Father, Who Aren't in Heaven (15x08)

I'm screaming.

Cons:

Buckleming episodes usually piss me off, but this one was actually really great. It was still plagued with the same pacing problems I always see in their episodes, though. A lot of great stuff happened here, but it didn't necessarily have a ton of room to breathe. Some of it did - the Cas and Dean stuff, the Michael and Adam stuff. And maybe that's the most important. But it might have been nice to have a longer beat with Rowena, or a bit more buildup with Eileen and the case. For an episode written by these two chuckle-fucks, though, I'm honestly really, really impressed.

Donatello is an okay-ish character, but his presence here felt mostly unnecessary. Didn't we have enough to juggle, without introducing him into the mix? Eileen, Cas, Rowena, Chuck, Michael, Adam... there's a lot going on here. It probably could have been done without him.

Pros:

I really don't know where to start, so let's start with Eileen. Just the fact that she's in this episode warms me from head to toe. She's... actually in the show. She's here, in the mid-season finale, where important Plot Stuff is happening. She's a real player in events, and after she came back from the dead, she stuck around in the bunker. Like she's... really in the show, you guys. Three episodes in a row!

On a more specific note, I love that Sam followed her and Eileen called him out on it... this could have been really creepy but I think they played it right. Eileen died and came back to life, and Sam is just starting to develop this relationship with her. It makes sense that he might be a little overbearing. And Eileen's reaction was pitch-perfect. She's a little annoyed, a little amused, but also maybe a little touched? And Sam takes the criticism to heart, realizing that he's probably overstepped. Later, when Eileen has a case that she needs to go on, to help an old friend, she goes to Sam and tells him, and he tags along. This seems like a good arrangement - Eileen isn't being stupid and running off by herself for no reason, but Sam is also respecting her boundaries and letting her approach him if and when she wants help with something.

We've also got Dean giving his seal of approval to the relationship, telling Sam that if he wants to do the family and relationship thing, Eileen is probably a good way of going about that. She's a hunter, she gets the life. And, as Dean says... Sam could do a lot worse. And Eileen could do so, so much better. I honestly think this little conversation was important to include. It's not like Sam needs Dean's blessing to start a relationship with Eileen, but... let's be honest, guys. Yes he does. Not literally, but can you really imagine either of the Winchester brothers being able to foster a healthy and lasting relationship with someone who didn't meet the other brother's approval? The codependency issues here are clear, and not to be discounted.

So then let's move on to Rowena. I loved her return here. It was totally unexpected, and totally brilliant. As I mentioned above, I really could have used more of her. The brief moment where Sam wants to hash out their last moments, and Rowena brushes him off, could have felt weightier. But the fact that we even got to see her again was such a gift. And what a natural end for her character! Queen of Hell. It fits, especially since I think we've pretty much confirmed that we won't be seeing Crowley again before the end. She got to show up looking like a boss-ass bitch, save Sam, Dean, and Castiel from getting their asses handed to them, shout orders, try to help them find Michael, assert her dominance and her happiness in her new role, and even try to kick Dean and Cas into gear, as she notices that they're clearly in some sort of "tiff." As brief as her return was, it certainly packed a punch, and I loved it so very much.

Cas and Dean's strained relationship right now is giving me life. This is the most Destiel-adjacent content we've gotten since Season Eight, and with the two of them returning to Purgatory, we're bound to get a lot of material in the new year, as well. The thing that I like so much about their story arc this season is that... there is a story arc. Dean has been cruel and dismissive of Cas in the past, and Cas has made mistakes, and circumstances have conspired to keep Castiel out of episodes as he goes off on his own quests... none of this is strictly new. But what is new is the narrative weight being placed on it. This is a slow-burn conflict that's going to have to have meaty screen-time to resolve. They had a serious fight, and it's actually affecting both of them in their actions.

Both Jensen and Misha are pulling out all the stops in giving this conflict the weight it deserves. There are so many delicious moments. They make their plans and discuss their options, but they can't even meet each other's eyes. There's the moment after Cas forces Michael to confront the truth, and Dean comes in and says "maybe you went too far." It's a gentle remonstrance, and he's clearly trying not to ruffle Cas' feathers. I loved the way Jensen played that, like he needed to talk to Cas about what went down, but he wanted to be careful not to antagonize him. When Rowena confronts them, they both do the typical thing of pretending everything's fine, still refusing to look at each other.

But the moment where my heart just squeezed in my chest was obviously when Dean cut his hand in order to do the spell to get to Hell, and Cas healed him, his hand hovering over Dean's fist without touching. Dean's hand unfurls and for a moment their fingers are centimeters apart, but they never touch. Many a meta has been written about the intimate way that Cas has always healed Dean, and how that juxtaposes to the way he heals other people. And in this moment, they don't touch, and it speaks volumes. I seriously have to ask the question - why was this moment in the episode? Sam could have been the one to cut his hand, or Dean could have, but then could have wrapped it up and moved on. It's not like we haven't seen Sam and Dean brush off wounds like this and ignore them before. This was a weighty, intentional moment. We lingered on it. I am alive, y'all.

Now let's turn to Adam/Michael. This is so amazing, and not at all what I think anyone was expecting when we found out Jake Abel was returning. Sure, Adam is a little pissed off at his brothers for leaving him in the cage, and sure Michael is still going on and on about being God's favorite, but even as so much has stagnated for these two characters, we've also learned what they've been up to in the cage for the past decade. They've made an arrangement. Only one body, but two brains... so they agree to share, more or less peacefully. Sam and Dean were shocked when Michael let Adam come to the forefront to say hi to his brothers. But the two of them seem to be... buddies. Adam is able to speak freely to Michael, to express his opinion that the Winchesters might have a point. Even though Michael can't quite listen to him in this instance, it's clear that he gives real consideration to Adam's opinions.

Adam was introduced on this show such a long time ago, and it would have felt disingenuous and annoying if we'd spent too long on the whole "you let me rot in hell" business. Of course that's something Adam would be thinking about, but it's not like Sam and Dean really knew him all that well. He doesn't seem to place much weight on his status as their brother, and I can't really blame him for that. He's had to forge his own path, and he's done so by becoming friends with the angel who is possessing him. I love that glow-up for Adam.

And Michael... he has to have his heart broken the same way Sam did when he found out that Chuck has been playing them all along. I loved the moment when Cas forcefully made him confront the truth, because of course it was too much, of course it was overwhelming, but ultimately it pushed him to understand that his loyalty to God is not worth the pain and suffering he's been through. And so, in much the way that Chuck knew how to cage Amara, Michael knows how to cage Chuck. He's willing to help by passing that information along. It's a spell, of course. And the most vital ingredient is something that can only be found in Purgatory. What with Sam and Eileen dealing with Chuck elsewhere, it's going to be up to Cas and Dean. They must return to the place where their epic romance really took off and began to slowly murder us all!

Chuck has Eileen and Sam right where he wants them, and even worse, Dean and Cas don't know. This is going to create great drama, as well as opportunities for our two couples (shut up and let me have this) to spend time together as we go in to the back half of the season. My heart is really starting to break, thinking about how little time we have left with this show!

I feel like this review could get out of hand very quickly. In many ways, this felt understated for a mid-season finale. Nobody died, the status quo didn't really shift all that much. But I actually liked it better for all that. Things are in motion. Character dynamics are being explored. This is a good season of Supernatural, y'all. Fingers crossed they can stick the landing!

9/10

[hannah-deserved-better]

Ultimate guide to my Supernatural Fics

This is an ultimate guide to the fics I currently have out on AO3. Like or comment if you would like to be part of a tag list of people I tag when the fics are updated. PLEASE READ AO3 tags! And continue to read them as I update them as I go, and my fics tend to get dark! Also, no hate about the pairings, don’t like them, just keep scrolling. I write for me first and no one is forcing you to read. ALL my fics are Castiel/Hannah centered and common other pairings include Dean/Jo, Sam/Eileen, and Crowley/Meg. I also favor poly pairings so there will be lots of those. All of my fics, art, and RPGs on here will be under the tag: #HannahGirl

Chosen: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19219222/chapters/45695716

Characters; Castiel, Hannah, Dean, Sam, Eileen Leahy, Jo Harvelle, Crowley, Meg, Charlie Singer (Bradbury), Anna Milton

Season One: A remake of the series starting from when Dean picks up Sam from Stanford. They run into Castiel who is on the hunt for a renegade angel who is alleged to have defied Michael and started the apocalypse. Meanwhile, Hannah is on the run from heaven. She meets Jo and as Team Free Will begins to form, they realize that it’s not just heaven and hell. The gods of the Greeks, the Celts, the Norse, the Hindus, the Aztecs, and the Egyptians have all chosen this team free will to be their champions against the ultimate apocalypse

Pairings: starts off with most characters being strangers, but as they meet and work together, the main pairings will be Castiel/Hannah, Sam/Eileen, Dean/Jo, Crowley/Meg, and Charlie/Anna but there will also be a lot of poly pairings, just not sure who yet. Jo/Gordon Walker is a temporary pairing in the beginning.

Warnings/ratings: Medium smut, dark themes, angst, violence, implied torture, secret societies and religious mystics of many world religions, including Christianity and Judaism (if you are triggered by such things, beware). Jewish persecution, black death.

Castiel (Judeo-Christian): Castiel arrives on Earth to try to track Hannah who is guilty of killing another angel and leading a siege into hell, opening its gates and starting the apocalypse. As he travels with the Winchesters, he sees the many signs of the impending apocalypse, starting with the seven deadly sins. He also learns that his vessel, Jimmy, was a member of a secret society dedicated to the hunt for religious artifacts.

Hannah (Judeo-Christian): Hannah claims that she went to hell under orders from the archangels. Now, she feels betrayed by them because they seem to be pinning the apocalypse on her when she was only following orders. Now, she is a renegade on Earth. She learns that her vessel, Caroline, was the descendant of a Dutch Jew who arrived in New York in 1650 and whose family has had an ongoing rivalry with the Thule.

Dean (Norse): Dean is drawn into helping Castiel track the angel and the seven deadly sins but along the way, he discovers that he has been chosen by Odin to prevent the Ragnarok from beginning. 

Sam (Hindu): Sam is still grieving his girlfriend and he is hoping that after they find their father, he can go back to Stanford and try to live a normal life. But he’s caught up in Castiel’s hunt for the renegade angel, and then he discovers that he is chosen to help the Hindu god Kalki prevent the world from ending.

Jo Harvelle (Greek): Jo agrees to protect Hannah from the angels hunting her. She wants to be a hunter but her mother disapproves so she sees this as a chance to prove herself. But then the goddess Athena appears and tells her that the titans have escaped from Tartarus and must be put back before they cause destruction on Earth and before the kill the Olympian gods.

Eileen Leahy (Celtic): Eileen is a hunter from Ireland. When her parents and her hearing was taken from her by a banshee, she trained to become a hunter and was the sole protector of the small Irish village she lived in. She was a Celtic witch and was once part of Rowena’s coven and has come to the US to try to find Rowena. 

Crowley (Judeo-Christian): Crowley offers to aid the Winchesters, to help them track down and kill the deadly sins. Dean suspects its a trap somehow and Castiel doesn’t want anything to do with him, but apparently, Jimmy Novak and Crowley’s vessel were in the same secret society together. 

Meg (Judeo-Christian): Meg joins Jo, Hannah, and Eileen. Meg herself has been on Earth since the 14th century. When she was human, her entire Jewish village was destroyed by paranoid mercenaries who blamed the Jews for the plague. Meg made a deal with a crossroads demon to get her revenge on everyone involved, and their families. Then, when she died and became a demon, she became a vengeance demon. She traveled to Europe and the US and offered to kill people for clients.

Charlie Singer (Aztec): In this AU, Charlie is the daughter of Bobby Singer and was raised with the Winchesters as their cousin. Bobby didn’t want her to follow in his footsteps and be a hunter, and she was always sick of being left out of the Winchesters hunts, but when she meets Anna Milton she begins to realize she is a part of this puzzle too. She’s chosen to help Quetzalcoatl prevent the destruction of this fifth world. 

Anna Milton (Egyptians): Anna is a fallen angel who allies herself with Team Free Will, though she has no memory and no grace. But it’s discovered that her grace is being protected by the Egyptian goddess Bast. Apparently, Set wants to find the angel before heaven does and force her to do his bidding.

Emotions are dangerous temptations: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21049778/chapters/50071364

Characters: Castiel, Hannah, Sam, Meg, Dean

Season 10, shortly after “Soul Survivor”: Castiel brings a wounded Hannah back to the bunker. They quickly learn that she is suffering from some mysterious angel poison that is destroying her grace from within. As Castiel stays by her side, caring for her, he begins to learn about true love and his feelings for Hannah. Sam is taking care of Dean who seemed to be recovering from his time as a demon but also begins to suffer a strange illness. Castiel and Sam bond over being caretakers and Castiel soon learns he is developing feelings for Sam that he never realized were there before. Later, they are joined by an old friend, Meg, who faked her own death. Castiel realizes that he is capable of loving more than one person and that he wants to explore his love and devotion for Hannah, Sam, and Meg. But first, he must save Hannah’s life. Losing her, he realizes, would break him in a way that he’s never been broken before and he begins to realize that his life is tied to hers, to Sams and to Megs.

Pairings: Castiel/Hannah, Castiel/Sam, Castiel/Meg

Warnings/ratings: Medium smut, sick!fic, poison

Castiel: This story focuses on Castiel and his emotions and his relationship with those around him. It starts with Hannah as his feelings for her grow as he struggles to save her. Castiel’s internal struggle to try to understand the emotions he’s feeling as he watches Hannah fight for her life, as he grows closer to Sam, as he addresses his feelings of guilt at learning that Meg has been alive this whole time.

Hannah: During the altercation with Adina, Hannah is wounded and infected with a strange angel poison. Castiel is desperate to find a cure, but during the few times that she’s well enough, he introduces her to humanity and the things he’s learned here on Earth.

Sam: Sam has been through a lot lately, trying to bring Dean from being a demon. He confides in Castiel during this difficult time and the two of them bond over being caretakers to those that they love. Sam helps Castiel search for a cure for Hannah.

Meg: While on a supply run, Castiel and Sam run into Meg who apparently faked her own death and has been laying low, hiding from Crowley. She had aligned herself with Abaddon for a brief time, but Abaddon tortured her and she fled hell. Now she’s a rogue demon.

Dean: Dean is recovering from being a demon but he’s still suffering the effects of the mark of Cain. He’s overly aggressive towards everyone, but especially to Hannah and Meg. He doesn’t trust either of them. But when he comes down with a strange ailment that seems to be linked to Hannah’s condition, he is forced to let Sam and Castiel take care of him.

Where Angels Walk: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21426580/chapters/51052330

Characters: Castiel, Casstiel, Hannah, Hana, Jimmy Novak, Caroline Johnson, Virginia Moss, Kai Singh

Season 15, after 15X3 when Cas leaves the bunker, things may change as the current season evolves: Castiel is alone and lost as he leaves the bunker. He feels as though he has lost everything. No one seems to want him. Not heaven, not the Winchesters, and the only one who gave him any sort of happiness- Jack- is gone. He’s not handling Jack’s death well and he is finally realizing that his relationship with Dean has been toxic. He needs to find himself but he’s so used to feeling worthless that he has trouble realizing that he doesn’t deserve to be mistreated. Now, someone comes back into his life, a beloved friend he thought was gone: Hannah. Not long after he runs into Hannah, Castiel also meets his and Hannah’s counterparts from another one of Chuck’s worlds. Casstiel and Hana are from a world where everything happened the exact same way as they did in this world- up until season 10 where their universe began to be different. And their world is this wonderful Steampunk Victorian-era world. Casstiel has just left the Winchester sister’s bunker after she lost her own Jack and she isn’t sure how she managed to find her way into this other world, but she and Castiel soon realize that Chuck has nefarious plans for both worlds. Also, the angel’s vessels have some pasts of their own that will quickly become part of the equation.

Pairings: Castiel/Hannah, Casstiel/Hana, Casstiel/Hannah, Castiel/Hana

Warnings/ratings: implied emotional, psychological, and physical abuse, torture, domestic abuse

Castiel/Jimmy Novak: Castiel is alone, but when he runs into Hannah, he begins to explore the past of his vessel Jimmy as he helps Hannah evade Caroline’s abusive husband. Similar to “chosen” Castiel discovers that Jimmy had secrets of his own. And enemies. Jimmy was part of a secret society that has counted him as missing these past years but have recently tracked him down. 

Hannah/Caroline Johnson: Hannah doesn’t know why she has returned from the empty. She’s upset to learn about Chuck’s misdeeds. She was especially upset to discover Caroline, her former vessel being abused by a paranoid alcoholic that her husband had become. When she takes Caroline away, Joe begins to stalk them and learns about angels and he plots to kill them. In addition, Hannah learns that Caroline is the descendant of an important Dutch Jewish family and now the Thule is after her.

Casstiel/Virginia Moss: Casstiel has been the Winchester sisters angel since she rebelled to help prevent the apocalypse. She is from a victorian age steampunk world. She has been drawn into a war that began when Hana released Metatron from his prison and the scribe planned to get his revenge on the Earth and on Casstiel. It’s been five years and the Winchesters have been involved in constant warfare with Metatron and heaven is divided into factions following him, Casstiel, or Naomi. Her vessel, Virginia Moss is from a long line of angel vessels and a society of people dedicated to aiding heaven. Virginia always knew she could be chosen to be a vessel and she accepted the responsibility, as did her mother and mother before her.

Hana/Kai Singh: Hana died saving Casstiel when her borrowed grace was failing. He was so desperate to save the angel he believed the true leader of heaven that he released Metatron from the prison he was in to save Casstiel. Unfortunately, Hana was tricked and wounded fatally. Casstiel found him just in time and he gave her his grace and died. Now, he’s been resurrected somehow. Hana’s vessel, Kai, is a British man of letters.

When in Rome: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21140294/chapters/50311271

Characters: Castiel, Hannah, Dean, Jo Harvelle, Sam, Eileen, Leahy

A series of period dramas starting with Ancient Rome. Hannah, the daughter of a wealthy Roman senator, is captured by a nest of vampires masquerading as prostitutes and slave traders. Though she was never a favorite of her father, Hannah lived a life in relative luxury but now she is exposed to a world of misery and abuse. Her only chance to escape is the gladiator slave, Castiel, and his two friends, Sam and Dean, who are hunters posing as Roman soldiers.

Pairings: Castiel/Hannah, Sam/Eileen, Dean/Jo

Warnings/ratings: Medium smut, prostitution, sexual assault, abuse, slavery, dark themes, violence

Castiel: Castiel is a gladiator. As a slave, he is owned by a Roman senator, Michael and he lives in a brothel with other slaves. He barely has enough food and is being forced to fight in the arena for the entertainment of Rome’s elite.

Hannah: Hannah is the daughter of Roman senator, Raphael. Her sister, Naomi is favored between the two sisters and Hannah is a bit of a rebel. She befriends Castiel during her captivity with the vampires and begins to learn about the secret network of hunters living in rome and keeping it safe from vampires and demons.

Maine Chronicles series: 

October: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16525847/chapters/38710994 

November: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19756855/chapters/46764895

Characters: Castiel, Hannah, Sam, Dean, Eileen, Jo, Charlie, Crowley, Meg, Claire Novak, Kaia, Jack, Jesse Turner (the cambion), Gabriel

Season 14: When Team Free Will relocates to a secondary bunker in the woods of Maine, they quickly realize that their fates are tied to the little town on the edge of the forest. When Hannah, Jo, and Eileen mysteriously fall pregnant- along with most of the town- the Winchesters begin to suspect something paranormal. But Hannah’s strange visions and dreams seem to point to the possibility that she has been here before. And Meg and Crowley seem to know something about that. 

Pairings: Castiel/Hannah, Sam/Eileen/Gabriel, Dean/Jo, Jo/Charlie, Crowley/Meg, Claire/Kaia, Jack/Jesse

Warnings/ratings: Medium smut, past abuse and domestic abuse, haunting, pregnancy, Werewolf!Eileen, Vampire!Jo, hate sex, enemies to lovers, abusive toxic relationships

Castiel: Castiel is struggling with his new role as a father as Claire (AU in which Claire is a teenager) is placed in his custody and he is raising her and Jack together alongside Hannah. Things get hard with Hannah’s mysterious pregnancy, and with Lucifer trying to sue for custody of Jack.

Hannah: Hannah doesn’t know how she became pregnant, or even that it was possible for an angel to be pregnant. But she and Castiel are committed to face their challenges together. But with the strange visions she keeps having, and the ghosts that seem to be stalking her, she begins to realize she may have been in this town before. She’s also concerned when Raphael appears and warns her that the unborn child she is carrying maybe something very unnatural and evil.

Dean: Dean is happy to have Jo back in his life. He was surprised by her sudden appearance after she had been dead for so long. He suspects she may be hiding something big from him but with all the paranormal activity around this region, he and Sam are pretty busy. In addition, Dean is trying to elude Michael whom he knows is looking for him.

Jo: Jo has been alive this whole time and she doesn’t know how to tell Dean that. After being revived shortly after her death, she’s spent all these years living in seclusion in the Australian outback. But one chance encounter with a vampire has left her a monster. She sought out a Tibetan monk in China that taught her to control her urges to kill and has so far managed to control them by learning to feed on blood donations and on animal blood. But now, with her own pregnancy, she has found those urges are getting harder to control. And she hasn’t told Dean anything about this.

Sam: Sam has been helping Dean elude Michael but his demon blood is beginning to resurface and his craving for demon blood has returned as well. 

Eileen: Eileen knew there was something wrong with her the moment she was brought back from the dead. She didn’t come back quite right. She didn’t know she was a werewolf but on the full moon, she began to have urges for more than just flesh. An incurable sexual appetite fueled by primordial wolf instincts led to an encounter with Gabriel, even though it’s clear she’s Sam’s girl. Now she doesn’t know who the father of her twins is.

Charlie: Charlie moved into the bunker with the Winchesters to be, as she calls it, ‘their new bobby’ as the techie hacker wiz whose job it is to hack into newspapers and police reports looking for new cases. She decides to take in and look after Kaia and she and Jo get very close. She and Jo begin to have a secret relationship.

Claire: Claire is a troubled young girl. She blames Castiel for what happened to her family. She is hostile towards Hannah and any attempt by Castiel to be the father she lost. She starts being a little better when she meets Kaia and two troubled teens began to investigate Hannah’s ghosts together.

Jack: Jack loves living with Castiel and Hannah and he loves learning about human holidays like Halloween and Christmas. He’s a two-year-old in a teen’s body and he relies on Castiel to guide him. 

Kaia: Kaia is a teenage runaway who starts living with Charlie. She and Claire become close.

Jesse: Jesse is the antichrist cambion from season 5. A few years ago, he was picked up by Meg, who has apparently faked her own death and has been laying low with the cambion all these years. Jesse considers Meg his adopted mother.

Meg: Meg arrives with the cambion and Crowley reveals that she has something to do with the history of this town, and with Hannah’s visions. Meg is a little jealous of Castiel and Hannah’s relationship and is frustrated by the dysfunctional hate-love relationship she is forming with Crowley.

Crowley: Crowley arrives shortly after Meg, having been trapped in the apocalypse world. He is very interested in the cambion and wants to harness his powers for himself so he and Meg enter in an awkward co-parenting tug of war type of relationship with Jesse.

Gabriel: Gabriel arrives and is trying to hide out from a jealous Loki. He helps Cas and the others with their dilemmas and finds himself in a secret relationship with both Sam and Eileen.

Gathering the Arsenal (formerly, “Bunker Pack”): https://archiveofourown.org/works/14364957/chapters/33161349

Characters: Castiel, Dean, Sam, Gabriel, Annika (an OC), Jack, Apocalypse!Charlie, Apocalypse!Hannah, Apocalypse!Jo, Apocalypse!Eileen, Claire Novak

Season 13. Apocalypse world Charlie arrives from the apocalypse world to help the Winchesters prepare for Michael’s arrival into this world. She brings her most trusted resistance leaders: Jo Harvelle, Eileen Leahy, and Hannah. All four women have been through a lot and are all hardened soldiers, nothing like their counterparts in this world. Gabriel has a plan to save the angels from extinction but it involves a lot of hard to come by ingredients, as well as a trip to the other world, and some serious sacrifices.

Pairings: Castiel/Hannah, Dean/Jo, Sam/Eileen, Charlie/Claire, Jack/OC (platonic friendship)

Warnings/ratings: Medium smut, dark themes, dystopia violence, abuse, torture, PTSD

Castiel: Castiel is working alongside a traumatized Apocalypse!Hannah and trying to teach her how to trust again. He is determined to save the angels from extinction and to defeat Michael.

 Dean: Dean is angry over Mary and Jack being stranded in the apocalypse world. He’s very opposed to Claire’s involvement in their angel plan and is at odds with Charlie and Jo over it.

Sam: Sam feels guilty when he allows a nest of vampires who have a vendetta against him for misdeeds he supposedly committed against then during his soulless years to distract him from the main mission of helping to save the angels and to defeat Michael.

Gabriel: Gabriel is dealing with some trauma over his imprisonment by Asmodeus but he devises a plan to save the angels from extinction. 

Annika (an OC): Annika is Gabriel’s Nephilim daughter whom he has kept a secret all this time.

Jack: Jack is trapped in the apocalypse world but when he is reunited with Castiel and the others, he joins in the plan to save the angels.

 Apocalypse!Charlie: Charlie is the leader of a clan of human resistance members who have been fighting against Michael and his angels since the apocalypse broke out. 

Apocalypse!Hannah: Hannah defied Raphael by helping humans that the archangel was holding in a concentration camp. When she was found out, she and Apocalypse!Castiel was tortured and, at least she thought, Apocalypse!Castiel was killed. Now a shell shocked Hannah has nothing but hatred for her fellow angels and she doesn’t know how to trust anyone, she has some very strong PTSD and trauma.

Apocalypse!Jo: Jo was one of the humans living in Raphael’s concentration camps. She was helped by Hannah, and later liberated by Charlie. She’s Charlie’s right-hand woman and life on the run has hardened her.

Apocalypse!Eileen: Eileen is the more well adjusted of the four women, but that’s because her parents were already gone when the apocalypse broke out and she had already been on her own all her life. She and Charlie are the techies in group. She’s endured some torture of her own at the hands of angels and she’s gotten very good at coming up with weapons to kill them with.

Claire Novak: Claire joins the effort much to Dean and later to Castiel’s chagrin.

[fangirlingtodeath513]

Mischief Night | a destiel fic for the Promptus Exchangarama on the @writersofdestiel server

written by myself and @gii-heylittleangel

Summary:  Dean and Cas are the last ones to leave the graveyard after they wrap filming for the day and they see a bit more than they bargained for.

read here on ao3 or continue reading below the cut

Julian ducks behind one of the large marble headstones, cradling the wound on his side. Wincing, he yanks off his henley, ripping two strips off and folding the rest into a thick square, pressing it over the wound and tying the strips around his torso to hold the fabric to his side. It’s a terrible bandage, but it’ll do until he manages to get out of this graveyard and back to his car. Carefully, Julian peeks around the side of the headstone and immediately regrets it.

He comes face to face with a pair of bowed legs that he’d know anywhere. “Bet you’re wishing you’d kept running, Agent Shurley,” the man sneers, a sliver of moonlight glinting off his blade. 

Julian grunts, grabbing onto the headstone as he forces himself to his feet, defiant in the face of the serial killer he’s been hunting for nearly a year. “I’m not running from you, Decker. Only one of us is making it out of this cemetery and it won’t be you.”

Smirking, Decker steps closer and grabs him by the throat. “I guess we’ll see about that.”

“Cut! Great take, let’s reset and we’ll go once more,” Gabriel yells, already turning to talk to his assistant. 

Dean quickly releases Cas’s throat, thumb stroking down the side. “That was a really good take.”

Castiel hums, leaning back against the fake headstone behind them. “You did well. Very scary.”

Dean and Cas are shuffled off the set under Gabriel’s orders so it can be reblocked before the next take. They end up in their chairs far behind the camera setup, shoulders brushing as they relax.

“I hate filming in graveyards,” Dean whines, gazing hopelessly around the spacious, dark graveyard their camera crew is currently set up in. 

Castiel, his boyfriend of nearly three years and co-star for this movie, smirks. “You’d think after six years doing horror movies, you’d be used to it by now.”

Scowling, Dean leans his head on Cas’s shoulder. “I am used to it, that’s the problem. They’re so creepy. I mean, there are dead people six feet under us.” He shudders.

Castiel smiles, patting Dean’s cheek gently. “Not right under us, but nearby. Only two more scenes and then we can go back to the hotel.”

Dean catches a movement in the corner of his eye, but by the time he turns to look, there’s nothing there. Writing it off as the semi-darkness playing tricks on him, Dean turns to press a kiss to Cas’s temple. “We don’t have to be on set until the afternoon tomorrow,” Dean grins, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. Castiel shoots him a dry look of exasperation, but Dean knows it’s just for show.

They film two more takes before wrapping for the night. Dean and Cas both stick around to help the crew pack up until, eventually, they’re the only two left in the graveyard. Wrinkling his nose, Dean reaches over to grab Cas’s hand. “Let’s get out of here, this is creepy.”

Castiel grins. “What, you don’t want to spend the night strolling through this beautiful graveyard? It could be very romantic.”

Dean shoots him a glare, tugging on his hand to get him moving. “No, I’d like to be out of here as quickly as possible, thanks.”

Castiel laughs, allowing Dean to tug him along. “You don’t want to wait and see if the ghosts decide to show themselves? It is Mischief Night, after all.”

Dean scoffs, turning back to look at his boyfriend. “You can’t really believe in that stuff, can you? Mischief Night is just a night for kids to pull pranks on their neighbors and get away with it, there’s nothing spooky or scary going on.” 

Castiel hums, falling into step beside Dean. “Some people say the veil is thinner tonight, with it being the night before Halloween and everything. Perhaps we’ll get the chance to see a real ghost.”

Rolling his eyes, Dean shoulders the bag he’d left near where the crew had been set up, slipping his hand back into Castiel’s almost immediately. “I hope for both our sakes that we don’t.”

Laughing, Castiel squeezes Dean’s hand and the two of them start their long trek through the cemetery. The state of Massachusetts had been kind enough to lend their movie the use of Mount Auburn Cemetery in Cambridge. It’s a huge cemetery and the first garden cemetery in the entire United States. There are more than a few sections that are still unoccupied, so they’d set up shop in an unused part of the cemetery out of respect for people who had loved ones buried there. The set designers had dressed it up with a few fake headstones and some random flowers dotted around, just enough to make it look like a real cemetery. It still didn’t make Dean any less nervous. Cemeteries are objectively creepy, no matter what Castiel says. 

“I hope Baby hasn’t been egged,” Cas says idly, peeking at Dean out of the corner of his eye. 

Scoffing, Dean rolls his eyes. “Anyone in their right mind would know better than to egg a beauty like her, Cas. Besides, it’s usually houses that get egged, not cars.”

Cas freezes beside him, which tugs Dean to a stop since they’re still holding hands. Frowning, Dean turns to look at him. Cas’s got a mix of terror and awe on his face, which is more than a little disconcerting. “Cas? You okay?”

Hushing him, Castiel nods at a spot to their left. “Tell me you see it too.”

Dean narrows his eyes at his boyfriend before following his line of sight. His heart stops when he finally sees what Cas is looking at. There, off in the distance, is a person. The cemetery closed hours ago, they only had special clearance to be here because of filming. Dean nervously reaches for the pocketknife he keeps in his bag. “Hey, you okay? What’re you doing here so late?”

Castiel slaps a hand over Dean’s mouth, glaring at him. “Sh! You’ll scare it off.”

Dean scoffs. “It? What do you mean by it?”

Castiel just shakes his head, which doesn’t help at all. Frowning, Dean turns back to find the figure gone. “Where’d he go?”

Castiel rolls his eyes. “They disappeared. Back to wherever they came from, I presume.”

Dean raises an eyebrow at Castiel. “You don’t honestly believe that was a ghost, do you?”

Cas cocks an eyebrow at him. “Is it really that unbelievable? We’re in a cemetery on the night people claim the veil is thin.”

“You should believe him.” Dean jumps, head whipping around so he comes face-to-face with a cheery redhead who has her arms crossed over her chest.

“I should? Why’s that?” Dean asks cautiously, scanning the woman from head to toe. She certainly doesn’t look like a ghost.

“It’s not every day you get to talk to a real dead person,” she answers with a grin, eyes flickering between Dean and Castiel. “I’m Charlie, I was murdered by the straights a few years ago.”

Dean snorts, quickly slapping a hand over his mouth in abject horror. Castiel smirks. “The straights can be quite awful, truly.” 

Charlie grins. “I’m glad someone finally gets it, jeez. Straight white dudes, right?”

Dean squints at her. “You can’t really be dead. You don’t look like a ghost.”

“Oh, right, because you’ve seen a ghost before?” In the blink of an eye, she disappears entirely, reappearing behind them and prompting Dean to fall flat on his ass in shock.

“Holy fuck, you’re a ghost?”

Castiel’s stifling laughs as Charlie just grins at him. Castiel offers him a hand to help him up, which Dean grudgingly takes. 

“Believe me yet?”

Dean scowls at her. “Unfortunately. Shouldn't you be in Heaven or something?”

“Technically, yeah. As far as the angels are concerned, I am. I like to take a few nights to have some fun on Earth, though, and the veil is particularly thin for the next couple of nights, which means people can see me.” She grins, slipping her hands in her pockets. “It’s fun to scare you, mortals. Gives me a break from all the dumb Heaven stuff for a little while.”

Dean squints at her, glancing at Castiel. “You planned this, didn’t you? You hired her to prank me or something?”

Castiel rolls his eyes. “I apologize for my boyfriend, he’s very resistant to things like this, especially when they’re in front of his face like you are. It’s a gift.” 

Charlie smirks, raising her eyebrows. “Boyfriend, huh?”

Castiel turns to smile at Dean, lacing their fingers. “A very good one.”

Dean blushes, rubbing the back of his neck.

“She botherin’ you, boys?” A gruff, distinctly New Orleans-tinged voice asks. Dean and Cas turn to find a burly man standing behind them, wearing suspenders over a dark henley and a flat cap perched on his head. 

“Oh, Benny, relax. I’m just having some fun!”

Benny smirks, eyes sliding between Dean and Castiel before ultimately settling on Charlie. “Best to keep them away from Alastair. And probably Crowley too, just to be safe.”

Dean glances between them, eyebrows pinched in confusion. “Right, uh, Cas and I should be going anyway, so… nice to meet you.” He grabs Cas’s hand and heads in the direction of the cemetery entrance. Castiel doesn’t fight him on it, thankfully, and they make it a couple of roads up before they encounter another ghost, this one watching them with interest and a smirk that makes Dean’s skin crawl. 

“Out here all alone, hm?” he asks, barely glancing at Castiel as his eyes settle on Dean. “Probably not a good idea.” 

Dean grips Cas’s hand tighter, clearing his throat nervously. “We’re leaving.” 

Before either of them get a chance to move, the ghost is charging at them, eyes entirely white. Dean dives out of the way, dragging Castiel to the ground with him. Both of them are quick to scramble to their feet, only to find themselves face to face with the ghost. 

“You’ll be a perfect vessel,” he purrs, grabbing Dean by the throat. 

“Alastair! Hands off the humans.” 

Dean stumbles back a few steps when he’s released, looking around for whoever had just saved them. He finds a man in a dark black suit, so dark that he nearly blends in with the night. 

Alastair smirks. “I found them first, Crowley. I’ve got dibs on Green Eyes.”

Dean takes a few steps back warily, dragging Castiel with him. “Listen, we don’t want any trouble, we just want to get back to our hotel room.”

Crowley sneers, stepping closer. “Oh, you’ll get back to your hotel room alright. Just not in the driver’s seat.”

Crowley takes one step in their direction and Dean pulls Cas to him, taking a few steps back. They look behind them only to find Alastair staring at them with his unnervingly white eyes. Dean lets out a squeak of surprise as he stumbles back, his hand letting go of Cas’s. 

“Come on, Green Eyes. We’ll have some fun, maybe scare some humans, huh? I can’t exactly leave the cemetery in this form.” Alastair’s hand comes to Dean’s cheek but Dean ducks, stepping away from the ghost. Alastair sneers, turning to Dean with an annoyed face. “You can’t run, Pretty. Not from me.”

“Okay, you two, leave the humans alone,” Charlie’s voice comes from behind Cas, who jumps as he turns to face her. “You know you’re not supposed to possess any humans and me and Benny won’t let you anyway.”

Crowley snorts, crossing his arms over his chest. “As if you two could stop us.”

Benny raises an eyebrow. “Y’all both know we can, and without even breakin’ a sweat.”

Dean slowly walks to Cas, grabbing his hand when he’s close enough. Dean puts his other hand over Cas’s mouth before he can say anything that will bring the ghosts’ attention back to them and starts pulling him away from them, using their distraction as an advantage.

The four ghosts start to bicker at each other, discussing who’s stronger and how easily they could take the other out. Dean and Cas stare at them for a moment, not sure if they should be scared or consider it a comedy. Cas is the first one to take a few steps back, pulling Dean with him. Dean doesn’t even resist, letting Cas pull him backwards as they stare at the ghosts. 

They manage to walk a few feet like that, which makes them start to think they’ll be able to escape the cemetery without the ghosts noticing. They turn to run through the last roads but before they can take two steps, Crowley appears in front of them. “Hello, boys.” He shakes his head lightly, lips pursed in disappointment. “So, you two thought you could just sneak out of here? You do remember we are ghosts, right? Not that easy to trick us.”

Alastair materializes on Cowley’s right, his arms crossed over his chest. “Very naughty of you two. Leaving without us? Tsk, tsk, that’s not our agreement.”

Dean and Cas turn to run in the other direction, getting separated when their hands untangle. Dean runs towards the right, but Alastair appears in his view and makes him stop in his tracks. Alastair smiles at him. “I thought we covered this, Green Eyes. You can’t hide, not forever, and I’m the only one here that has eternity to play seek.”

Cas runs towards the left and he’s able to take a few more steps than Dean before Crowley appears in front of him with a snarky smile. “Come on now, angel. We can have some fun, don’t you think?”

Cas shakes his head, dodging Crowley as he keeps running, trying to get away from him. Crowley only smirks, disappearing again. He appears in front of Dean, who is trying to make his way to the cemetery’s gate. Dean stops so suddenly that he almost falls on his back. 

“Oh, c’mon. What, you two get your kicks chasing humans?”

Crowley shrugs. “Well, it is fun, especially when the humans are as dumb as you two are.”

Dean rolls his eyes but doesn’t stay still long enough to reply, starting to run to his right, toward Cas. They meet in the middle and run towards the gate, not even worrying about their stuff. Alastair materializes in front of them, making them stop in their tracks and start running in a different direction.

Crowley and Alastair play with them for a long time, each time making them run back into the cemetery and getting them as far away from the gate as they can. Dean and Cas start to get tired, their steps losing intensity and not long after, their breath comes out shallow, and they don’t have enough time to get it back to normal.

Charlie watches the two with a smile on her face, laughing every time Dean or Cas almost fall on the ground. Benny has an annoyed expression, his brows furrowed and arms crossed over his chest as he stares at Crowley and Alastair playing with the humans. 

After what must be almost an hour or more, he pokes Charlie in her ribs, taking her attention away from the humans. “We should do somethin’, Charlie. Help those two before Crowley and Alastair get tired of just playin’ with them and actually possess them.”

Charlie sighs but nods. “Yeah, fine. The last thing we need is those two dicks out there in the world, again. But you have to admit, it’s pretty funny.” She waggles her eyebrows at him.

Benny tries to fight the smile on his lips but ends up giving up. “Alright, yeah, it is. But I think they’ve suffered enough.”

“Yeah, yeah, let’s go.”

Charlie and Benny disappear only to appear in front of Dean and Cas, making the two stop on their tracks. Alastair and Crowley materialize themselves in front of Charlie and Benny, who have their arms crossed over their chests and brows arched. Crowley and Alastair stare at the two ghosts, squinting their eyes at them.

“You two are going to protect the weak humans, eh?” Alastair’s the first one to speak, giving a snarky smile. 

Charlie shrugs. “You can count it more as trying to keep you two idiots here. I don’t think the world needs to have you two out there again.”

Benny looks at Dean and Cas, nodding towards the cemetery gate. “Get your things and go. We’ll keep ‘em here.”

Dean grabs Cas’s hand and they start taking a few steps back to where Dean’s bag had been discarded earlier. The sunrise illuminates their path as they walk slowly, still keeping their gazes locked on the four ghosts.

Charlie sighs as she rolls her eyes. “C’mon, man, me and Benny can take care of these two, just go!” She waves her hand at them, an invisible force pushing them to walk faster or they would both fall on the ground.

Dean and Cas look at each other, then at the ghosts, before looking at each other again. They give a small nod to each other and start running towards Dean’s bag, Dean grabbing it as they keep running to the gate.

Charlie chuckles, rolling her eyes softly as she turns to the other ghosts. “These humans, always so scared.”

Crowley and Alastair scoff at her, Crowley walking closer to her. “Why would you let them get away? They were ours.”

Charlie shrugs as Benny answers, “They’re not yours and they deserve to get out of this cemetery as themselves, not as you two.”

Alastair growls and disappears. Benny also disappears, reappearing in front of Dean and Cas again, with Alastair in front of him. “Face it, Alastair, you’re not gettin’ ‘em,” Benny’s voice sounds flat as if he’s just bored with Alastair. He looks at Dean and Cas and waves his hand at them. “Go on, he won’t get to you.”

Dean and Cas walk past the two ghosts, walking backwards as they stare at them, worried to let them out of their sight. Benny sighs and waves at them again, making them turn and a force pushes them to run. They don’t even fight it, just start running to the Impala, which is now only ten feet from them.

When they get to the car, they turn to look at the ghosts as the sun finally gets full in the sky. The four ghosts vanish before their eyes, Dean and Cas’s eyes widening. They stare at each other, not knowing what to do.

Dean shakes himself and stares at Cas in annoyance. “Are you happy now? We saw four ghosts and two of them wanted to use as meat suits.”

Cas sighs as he opens the passenger’s door. “Can we please just go, Dean? I don’t want to see any other ghosts.”

Dean scoffs, sliding behind the wheel. “Oh, now you don’t wanna. You better not. I think we’ve had enough experience for a lifetime.”

They sit in silence for a few minutes, staring at the road in front of them, until Dean starts to laugh. Cas stares at him with his brows frowned and his head tilted. “Dean, why are you laughing?”

“Dude, we just spent a night in a fucking cemetery, running from ghosts who wanted to use us as meat suits. This would be a hell of a story for a movie.”

Cas chuckles lightly. “Yeah, just not a horror one. But I’m sure Gabriel would love to direct it anyway.”

Dean nods softly, wiping the tears from his eyes. “I’m sure he would.”

[meowdejavu]

Lux Angelorum → Aziraphale/Crowley | 6K words | Rated M

Excerpt: heaven interrupts their honeymoon

Aziraphale has long loved Venice, but it’s been a while since he visited, and he has to admit that being in love in Venice, walking with his arm linked through his husband’s, is especially wonderful. They take a break in the afternoon, enjoying gelato beside the glistening canal water.

“Perhaps a gondola ride next?” Aziraphale asks without looking over.

“If you like. But I thought you were going to the basilica?”

“Oh, never mind that.”

“Why?” Crowley asks.

Aziraphale gives him a look. “I want to stay together.”

“I’ll come in with you. You can carry me on your shoulders.”

“What? Don’t say that. It’s not just consecrated; it’s— Well, never mind. I’m not going in.”

Crowley discards his gelato cup and reaches over to take Aziraphale’s hand—his love is flowing strong and unwaveringly happy.

“I want you to go, alright? I don’t want you to miss out on anything here. I don’t mind waiting. I’ll grab a drink.”

Aziraphale can hardly keep arguing when Crowley is being so sweet about it. 

“Alright,” he agrees, squeezing Crowley’s hand. “I’ll make it a quick visit.”

Stepping inside the church, he quickly forgets his previous hesitation. He loses himself to enjoying the magnificent architecture and gilded ceilings, all the while soaking in the feeling of entering a holy place so thoroughly revered. He’s admiring a mosaic of angels when he realizes the room has gone oddly quiet. Looking around, he finds that everyone else in the building—the tourists, clergy, staff—is frozen in place. 

“Hello, Aziraphale,” comes a familiar voice.

He turns to discover Uriel standing next to him. Reflexively, he takes a step back.

“No need to run,” Uriel says in an unsettlingly friendly tone. “I’m just here to make a delivery. And to offer my congratulations.”

“Your … what?” he asks, noticing now that she’s holding a scroll.

“You’re being granted archangelship, Aziraphale. Congratulations.”

She offers him the scroll. He doesn’t take it.  

“I … don’t understand.”  

“It took us a while to understand your strategy, but now that we do, we’re impressed. You thwarted one of hell’s most accomplished demons. Set him on a path to doing good, to believing in love. It may not be what you were originally assigned, but you improvised. We’re finally giving you the recognition you deserve.”

Aziraphale is trying to make sense of this meeting. It’s obviously a ruse of some sort. 

“First I’m condemned to die, then I’m called a traitor, and now I’m being ... promoted?”

“See for yourself,” she says, unrolling the paper. “It’s already been signed by all of us. It just needs your signature, and the process will begin.”

Aziraphale’s jaw drops in spite of himself. Indeed, it’s a divine scroll bearing the official contract for archangelship, plus the glowing signatures of all current archangels. Gabriel’s is the largest, and even his cursive manages to look a bit passive-aggressive. In Aziraphale’s earlier years, he’d dreamed of this offer, and he’s surprised to find that a small part of him is reflexively honored at the notion even now. But everything has changed. The earth is his home. Crowley is his home.

“Before you make your choice,” Uriel goes on. “You should know that as an archangel, you’d have the ability to save someone who’s fallen.”

“I … would?” Aziraphale asks, stunned again.

The only way he could ever possibly accept such an offer is if he knew that Crowley were safe. But it sounds too good to be true. “They would have to submit to full repentance and reintegration, but yes.”

“Oh. I see.”

Reintegration. There it is. The ultimate catch. Aziraphale is struck, for a moment, by the awful mental image of Crowley as a reintegrated angel, empty behind the eyes, a shell of his former self, filing paperwork for eternity. It’s suddenly clear why they’ve offered this at all. Their final play to regain control.

“A former demon cannot be permitted to retain their memories in heaven,” she adds with some forced politeness. “You know that.”

“Yes, of course.”

For a fleeting and selfish moment, he wants to drop the scroll to the floor and turn away, to never mention a word of it to Crowley. But in the next, he questions himself. He’s nearly certain that Crowley would find no appeal in giving up his identity for a second chance at heaven. But how can he make that choice for him? How could he withhold this single opening for forgiveness? Isn’t that a choice everyone should be able to make for themselves? Even if it would leave Aziraphale devastated? Maybe especially then. Yes, he has to tell him the truth.

Full fic on AO3

[supersleepygoat]

Always and Never: The Epilogue

Pairings: Sam x Reader, Platonic Dean x Reader, Crowley x Reader

Word Count: 11, 400 (on the dot!) 

Warnings: Angst. Imaginary Fluff. Implied Smut. Angst. 

Summary: Set a few days after the final chapter. Sam dreams of the life he could have had with the Reader if he had only played his cards right from the beginning. When he wakes up from his bliss, reality hits him like a ton of bricks.

A/N: Commissioned by the amazing @arses21434! Thank you for giving me the chance to close out this series and go a little deeper. And, thank you to anyone who has stuck with this series. xo

Masterlist

Series Masterlist 

“Drop it, Sammy. I’m not going to tell you again.” Dean groans as he downs another hearty helping of whiskey. Dean is no longer even bothering with a glass. There’s no point. Drinking straight from the bottle cuts out the futile middleman. Dean will finish the bottle in one sitting. There’s no point in pretending otherwise.

“Why won’t you just tell me?” Sam begs his brother one last time. He has been bugging Dean about this for the past two days. Sam has to know. He has to know what happened between you and Dean while you were both demons. He has to know what the last few years of your life were like. He needs to know if you were happy.

Sam has never been a masochist. But for some reason, he craves the pain of knowing what you and Dean did together. He needs the pain. He deserves the pain. He needs to feed his guilt and remind himself that he is to blame for your death. He can’t let himself forget. He can’t let himself not feel it.

Dean ignores Sam, as he always does. Dean refuses to admit what he had done with you, to you, as a demon. He feels as though if he says it out loud, it will become real. It won’t be just another memory he can drown out with alcohol. Dean doesn’t want Sam looking at him like Dean looks at himself. So, Dean leaves Sam’s pleads unanswered.

In reality, Sam’s imagination is worse than any truth Dean could spout. Sam is tortured by flashes of unwelcomed thoughts and images his mind creates. But, Dean is too deep inside his bottle to realize the damage being done by his enduring silence.

“Dean!” Sam shouts with desperate fury.

Dean doesn’t even flinch. He takes another sip as if he cannot even hear his brother.  

Sam’s rumination hits its breaking point. Sam lunges forward and pulls Dean out of his chair. He grabs Dean by the scruff of his shirt and pins him against the wall.

Dean doesn’t try to push his brother off of him. He doesn’t care if Sam takes a swing. He doesn’t care about anything right now. Dean is so far down his drunken spiral, Sam could pull a knife on him and he wouldn’t even blink. Dean’s regret and self-hatred almost makes him hope Sam does make a move and knock him out, if Dean was even capable of hope right now.

Dean looks up at Sam with sunken and empty eyes. His eyes have glazed over as he retreats into his memories. Sam was right. You were like a little sister to Dean. Had his soul not been twisted into the darkest version of itself, Dean never would have used you or your body in the way he had.

Dean has to remind himself that, at the time, you did enjoy it. You never told him to stop or slow down. Your inner demon begged for more. You even outlasted Dean and, as a demon, he was especially insatiable. But that knowledge doesn’t stop Dean from wishing his darkened soul never touched you. It doesn’t stop him from hating himself for enjoying it as much as he did.

Dean walked away from his time as a demon without a scratch on him. Meanwhile, you paid the ultimate price. It doesn't seem fair. Dean has scars, but none Sam can see. Dean must  bear those invisible and open wounds for the rest of his life. He has to live with what he’s done. But he won’t make Sam do the same. So, Dean keeps his mouth shut. He waits for Sam to make his move.

“Are you even still in there?” Sam asks as he peers into Dean’s vacant eyes. He doesn’t see his brother looking back at him. Sam’s anger gives way to desperation. He lost you. And now, by the vacant look in Dean’s eyes, it appears he has lost his brother as well. Dean is a shell. An empty vessel. Sam almost misses the demon that was once inside Dean. The demon would give him answers. The demon had signs of life in his dark eyes. But as Sam looks at his brother, all he sees is a barren forest.

Dean doesn’t know how to respond to that question. Any answer he gives would sound like a lie. He lets out a tired sigh. “Go take a walk, Sammy.” Dean suggests. They both need space. Having both brothers confined to the bunker has created a toxic mix of grief in the air. Dean knows his brother could use a breath of fresh air.

Sam lets go of the scruff of Dean’s shirt and takes a step back. He realizes he isn’t going to get any answers from Dean. He won’t get anything from his brother. He won’t get any comfort or reassurance. Dean is just as lost as him, only for different reasons. Both brother’s grief is rooted in guilt. But, Dean’s is also rooted in shame. There is no shaking him out of that. Dean has to crawl out of that hole on his own.

Sam walks away without a word and Dean returns to his bottle.

You have been gone only two days. But, neither Winchester has any concept of time anymore. To them, time stopped when you did. Both brothers are too locked in their own grief and regret to understand the passage of time. They do not know it has only been a few days since you died, not a few lifetimes.

This is the second time you have died. But, this time it is final. The brothers have to start grieving all over again. Their old wounds are reopened and made a little deeper than they once were.

Neither brother has left the bunker since it happened, even to burn your body. Sam brought you back his room you. He also brought Kerry’s body back to her old room. She had bled out before anyone even knew she was gone. Sam laid her out on the bed and wrapped her in the bedsheet. He knows he is to blame for her death as well. He never should have called her and dragged her back into his life. He should have tried to cure you on his own.

The more Sam thinks about it, the more he realizes he never should have gotten involved with her in the first place. He cared about Kerry. She was everything he thought he wanted. And because he cared about her, she is dead.

As the two women in his life lay lifeless in their respective rooms, Sam recognizes the pattern all too clearly. It is more than simply bad luck, he is cursed. It is his fault the women in his life drop like flies. With the advantage of hindsight, Sam can see he lead you both to your death beds.

But, it is your bedside in which Sam spent his nights. He brought you to his room and let your skin cool on his sheets. Sam insisted on keeping you there until he found a demon willing to go against their King and offer Sam a deal. He would go to Crowley himself if it meant getting you back. Crowley would do it. Crowley would do anything to bring you back, even if it meant helping Sam.

But, Dean and Cas had other plans. Dean knew his brother was on the verge of a self-sacrificing decision. He knows that look in Sam’s eye because it is the same look you wore when you left the hospital the night Sam was injured.

Dean needs to put an end to the constant cycle of sacrifice and loss. You two cannot keep selling your souls for each other. Soon, there will be nothing be left to save. Dean hates that you are gone. But, he can’t bear the idea of Sam taking your place. Dean loves you. But, he loves Sam more. You would understand. Dean knows this is what you’d want.

Sam was sitting at your bedside, watching over your lifeless body, when he fell asleep. When he woke up, you were gone. Cas had taken yours and Kerry’s bodies away in the night. He gave you both a proper hunter’s burial and made sure your souls did not linger on this plane.

Dean asked Cas to do it alone. Dean knew neither him nor Sam could withstand another funeral for you. So, Cas spared the Winchesters of that burden. However, Sam did not see it that way. He saw Cas’ actions as a betrayal. To him, Cas took away his chance to save you once and for all. 

As Sam’s behaviour became aggressive, Dean suggested Cas leave while Sam cooled down. Cas fluttered away after giving Sam a sincere apology he was not ready to hear.

That was two days ago. Sam is still lingering in the anger stage of his grief. But he can feel it starting to give way as he leaves the bunker. The anger is leaving him to make room for a kind of emptiness he has never known.

He finds himself at the nearest bar in town. Usually Sam wouldn’t come to a place like this without Dean, this is more his brother’s scene. But, Sam has not been feeling like himself lately, he hasn’t in years actually.

As Sam slumps in his barstool, he can feel the air shift around him. “She’s dead,” Sam says without looking up from his drink. This is the first time he’s said the words out loud. The words taste wrong on his lips so he washes that bitter taste down with his double whiskey.

“I know,” a gruff British accent says from the seat beside Sam. Crowley tries to mask the pain in his voice. A demon of his stature, a King nonetheless, should not concern himself with the life of one woman. But he does, you are his only concern.

“Are you here to kill me then?” Sam asks without a care in the world. In fact, a part of him is hoping Crowley will do what his is too much of a coward to do himself.

Crowley bites back his anger. He should do it. He wants to do it. But putting Sam out of his misery is not vengeance. Killing Sam now, while he is in this state, is an act of mercy. And, Crowley is not a merciful man. He wants Sam to suffer. Crowley wants Sam to spend the rest of his life knowing he is responsible for your death. Pettiness will not bring you back. It won’t ease Crowley’s grief. But seeing Sam in pain sure does take the edge off. Crowley is still a demon after all, and demons are notoriously petty creatures.

“Why would I do that, Sam?” Crowley asks with a detached and hollow voice. He sounds so unlike himself. There are no teasing nicknames or no hint of playful mocking in his voice. He has never sounded so earnest. “You’re better than dead, you wish you were dead. And, that’s good enough for me.”

It is not lost on Sam that Crowley is no longer calling him Moose, or even Samantha. Crowley is no longer capable of feigning joviality. They are no longer friends, if they ever were to begin with.

The two men share a common grief over you. They both loved you and they both could not save you. Any commonality beyond that is too far out of reach.

Sam does not respond to Crowley. He merely nods his understanding. He knows Crowley won’t end his suffering. But he had to ask.

The two men sit in silence for a long while. There is an understanding between them. Out of respect for you, neither man will draw their weapons tonight. They will sit and finish their drinks without incidence. They will mourn you in silence. These are the two men who loved you most. No one else will understand the extent of their loss.

The men drink and grieve without a word. They don’t even look at each other. They know that after tonight, any truce they carry on your behalf will wear itself thin. All bets will be off by dawn. Crowley will show Sam no mercy in reminding him who is really to blame for your death. But until that time comes, they drink.

After an hour or two of silent mourning, Crowley stands up from his seat. He’s had enough. He can no longer sit with your reaper.

Crowley remembers the bright sparkle that lived behind the black eyes he gave you. He thought he had the rest of eternity with you to uncover that light again. But, Sam robbed him of that chance. Crowley is not a fool. He knew you could never love him in the way you loved Sam. But, he didn’t care. You were his Queen, in every sense of the word. What you had together was twisted, yet true. No one can take that away from him.

“She wanted me to tell you that she was grateful for you. And, that she did love you in whatever way she could at the time,” Sam blurts out as Crowley starts to walk away.

Crowley doesn’t turn around to face him. But, he stops dead in his tracks. He expected Sam to mock his relationship with you. He expected the youngest Winchester to belittle the love Crowley has for you. Instead, Sam tells him exactly what he needed to hear.

Crowley is stunned into silence, so Sam continues. “She saw something in you that I will never understand. It bothered me. It still bothers me. It bothers me because you listened to her and treated her better than I ever did.” Sam is now mostly talking to himself. “I was jealous off the smile you were able to put on her face. She may have been a demon, but she was happy. That was never something I was able to give her. You were there for her when I wasn’t… thank you.”

Both men are surprised by the sincerity in Sam’s voice. Sam had no intention of saying all of that. But once the words started flowing he couldn’t stop them. He is forever grateful toward Crowley, and he is forever bitter toward him as well. Sam is not afraid to admit his jealousy and regret are getting the better of him now that you are not here to keep him in check.

Crowley glances over his shoulder as his desperation breaks down his resolve to stay silent. “Can I see her? Can I say goodbye?” Crowley whispers. He knows he sounds pathetic, but he no longer cares. Crowley can’t remember the last words you shared together. He can’t remember if he told you he loved you. All he can remember is Sam driving your unconscious body away from him, forever. He needs to say goodbye.

Sam looks down at his drink and shakes his head. “She’s already gone.” He gives Crowley the hard truth. “If it makes you feel any better, I didn’t get to say goodbye either.” Sam sits and waits for Crowley to twist the knife. He waits for the demon to lash out in anger. But, nothing comes. Sam looks up and sees that Crowley has disappeared.

The King is gone. He had to leave before he snapped and killed Sam here and now. He left before Sam saw the glossy pain in his eyes. Crowley is no longer able to share his grief with your killer. He left to go grieve you in his own way, which will no doubt involve bloodshed.

Sam leaves the bar shortly after Crowley’s disappearance. He doesn’t know what he was hoping to find here. But unlike Dean, he now knows he won’t find it at the bottom of a bottle. Sam shuffles out to the parking lot and gets into Baby’s front seat. He isn’t drunk, but he has had just enough alcohol to feel more than a little drowsy. Sam decides to sleep it off before he drives home.

“Wake up,” you poke Sam’s cheek as he sleeps peacefully beside you. You know you should let him rest. He’s had a hard few weeks. He barely got a moment’s rest while his brother was missing. And, once you found out Dean was a demon, things only got worse. Sam got in touch with his darker self. It is a side of him you never knew existed. But, you stuck by his side the entire time. You stopped him from falling too far over that edge. No matter how bad things got, you were always there to reel him in.

Sam groans and buries his face into the bare skin of your shoulder. He clings to your body heat as you wake him up against his will. “Five more minutes.” His words are muffled against your skin.

You wrap your arms around his neck and start stroking his hair. Sam begrudgingly opens his heavy eyes and looks up at you. You smile at the sleep-induced grumpiness that furrows his brows. You can’t help but let out a small giggle at that sight. Even when Sam tries to be grouchy, he still looks adorable.

“You always look like a cranky puppy whenever I wake you up,” you tease him.

“Maybe you should take it as a hint to quit waking me up,” Sam grumbles as he flops his head back onto your shoulder. But Sam does not fall back asleep, he starts nipping at your skin. His teeth quickly get you squirming beneath him. However, you aren’t trying to get away, the opposite actually.  

“Ouch!” You laugh as Sam nips at you a little too hard. He lifts his head back up and give you a wicked smirk. All sleep is gone from his eyes. You poke the end of his nose. “Bad puppy! No teeth,” you scold him with feigned toughness in your voice.

Your words only cause Sam to lean down and bite you harder. You squeal before erupting into a fit of laughter. You know it annoys him when you call him ‘Puppy’, that’s why you do it.

Sam rolls on top of you while his mouth continues to lay it’s claim over your tingling skin. Now, you are actively trying to squirm away from him. He has taken it upon himself to tickle your sides without mercy, he knows it is your kryptonite. Sam grabs a hold of your hips and keeps you pinned to the mattress. He isn’t letting you out of this that easily. You started this.

“I surrender,” you all but scream as your laughter becomes uncontrollable.

“Shush,” Sam whispers as he takes his mouth off of you. “You’ll wake up Dean,” he smiles at you. Sam loves hearing you react to him. But, he also knows Dean is only a few doors down and in dire need of some rest.

“Too late,” you hear Dean’s sleepy voice call through your closed door as he shuffles down the hall toward the kitchen.

“Sorry!” You yell out as you bite your knuckles and look at Sam with a guilty smile. You didn’t mean to wake up Dean. “Oppsy,” your smile morphs into one of mischief.

“You’re not sorry.” Sam reads you like a book as he narrows his eyes at you.

“Yes, I am!” You defend yourself. You hate how he knows you so well, you can’t get away with anything.

“If you are so apologetic, then why are you trying to pull down my pajama pants?” Sam raises a teasing brow up at you as he looks down to where you are trying to pull his hardening length free.

You pull your hands up and raise them in a defensive position. “I was not!” you lie.

“Grabby and a liar?” Sam sucks in air through his teeth as he shakes his head at you. “What am I going to do with you? Someone should really teach you some manners,” Sam smirks as he lowers his lips down to yours.

“Put up or shut up, Winchester. I haven’t got all day,” you poke the bear. You love the playful glint that forms in Sam’s eyes when you get mouthy.

“I’ll keep you here for as long as I damn-well please,” Sam informs you with a demanding kiss.

You have missed this side of him. Lately, Sam has been consumed with finding and then curing his brother. You two haven’t had a chance to be together in the way you are used to.

Lately, anytime you have had sex, you have done it to relieve some of his tension. Before Dean went missing, you two would spend hours loving every inch of each other. Sometimes Dean wouldn’t see you two for days before you would finally emerge from your shared room. But, for the past little while, all you’ve gotten is a quickie once a week or so.

You and Sam have been together your entire lives. You grew up together. You left for college together. Sam went to class to invest in your future. And, you worked at the campus library to help pay for that future. Back then, you loved to tease him that you were the breadwinner between the two of you. You knew it bothered him. If it were up to Sam, you wouldn’t have lifted a finger once you got out of the hunting life. But he knew you weren’t the stay-at-home type of girl. You have always carried an equal load in this relationship. Always have, always will.

Despite the life you were building for yourselves, you followed Sam back into the hunting life. As soon as Dean broke into your shared apartment in Palo Alto, you realized you could never truly escape your old life. You helped the brothers find John, and then grieve John. You’ve been in it ever since.

As Sam lays atop you, he can’t remember the last time you were ever apart, or even fought. His life with you has been perfect from the start. As teenagers, it took him a while to admit his feelings for you. But once he did, you returned them in a heartbeat. You were always a constant in his life. You have always been there for him, and he for you.

You both knew that the rough patch you hit when Dean was demon would pass. Trying times never last with you two. You always find your way back to the light, no matter what.

And right on cue, things are back to how they should be. Dean is back and recovering nicely. You are back in Sam’s arms and he has all the time in the world to remind you just how temporary that rough patch was.

Sam tugs your body down so you are completely pinned beneath him. You tighten your arms around his neck and look deep into his hazel eyes. The soft smile on your lips makes Sam feel like he is the only man in the world. But it is also giving him a strange sense of déjà vu. He tries to shake it, but something about it is putting him on edge.

“I love you. You know that, right?” He whispers as he hovers over you. He doesn’t know why, but he feels the need to tell you that, to make you believe him. He also feels the need to ask for your confirmation.

You giggle softly at the intense shift in his eyes. “Of course, I know that.” You assure him with a smile. You lean up and give him a quick kiss on the corner of his mouth. His lips have formed into a thin and earnest line as he awaited your reassurance.

Your words seemed to have no effect on the worry in his eyes. You don’t know what caused the shift, but he went from teasing to serious in mere seconds. You’re starting to fear that you have done something to make him feel insecure.

“Are you sure? Because…” Sam trails off as he listens to an anxious voice inside his head. There is a nagging part of Sam that is telling him that you really don’t know just how much he loves you. It feels as though he has never gotten the chance to make you believe it. Something feels off.

Sam then feels your hand cup his jaw. His eyes blink as they refocus onto you.

“Where did you go?” You ask as you bring him out of his mind and back to reality. “What’s wrong?” The concern in your voice is increasing with every syllable.

“Nothing,” Sam lies as he shakes his head. None of this feels real. That voice in his head is telling him he shouldn’t be this happy. Waking up in your arms, is more than he deserves. Things are too perfect. But as you look up to him, in every sense of the word, Sam pushes those anxious thoughts away. He buries his uncertainty and devotes the rest of the morning to making you feel his love.

Sam spends the next few hours working extra hard to make sure you feel good. He doesn’t give you a moment’s reprieve until you have cum countless times for him. He doesn’t take his hands off of you until you are all but whimpering for mercy. He makes sure you know that his only thoughts are of you.

You hate the cliché. But for you, there is no other way to describe your morning together either than you were making love. You and Sam have never been an overly sentimental couple. You have your private loving moments but you are both hunters, realists. Your love for each other is grounding in reality, not fantasy. You take the good, the bad, and the ugly. That’s what makes your love true and lasting.

You know he loves you.  But, you are never one to turn down an opportunity for him to show you just how deep his love for you flows.

Sam takes his time and gives you everything. He stops himself from taking anything from you. That nagging voice returns to tell him he has taken enough from you. He doesn’t know where that voice is coming from. As far as he remembers, your relationship has always been an equal balance. But, he still feels the need to rectify a wrong he doesn’t remember committing. He is giving you the love, comfort, and promise you deserve.

He puts it all into his touch. He pours his devotion over you, letting it settle around you like a thick syrup that will stick to you forever. You couldn’t wash his love away even if you tried. Sam is taking care of you for a change.  

You emerge from your shared bedroom a few hours later. Sam keeps one arm snaked around your waist as you both saunter through the bunker halls toward the kitchen. Sam can’t help but tease you about the dopey and blissed out smile on your face. You try to remove your smile, so Sam’s ego doesn’t inflate too much, but you both know the effort is made in vain. Sam knows the effect he has on you.

You finally reach the kitchen and find Dean sitting at the table. He is spiking his coffee with something a little stronger than sweetener.

“It’s a little early for that, don’t you think?” Sam criticizes his brother.

You smack your boyfriend’s chest to shut him up. Dean has only just regained his human status. You don’t blame him for needing something to take the edge off for the next little while. You and Sam have never been demons, you can’t possibly imagine the guilt and shame Dean must be feeling. He became the monster he has spent his whole life hating. You can’t imagine that kind of burden.

“It’s past noon,” Dean defends himself. “Do you two even have a clock beside that jungle gym you call a bed?” Dean sasses his brother.

Your cheeks heat up at the thought of Dean overhearing you this morning, you weren’t exactly quiet. In the moment, you never care who hears you. But once you get out of bed, you get a little more gun shy. So, you decide to change the subject before Sam gives Dean an equally sassy, and revealing, answer.

“I think what Sam meant to say was, would you like some pancakes to go with your Irish coffee?” You ask in as innocent of a voice as you can muster.

Dean looks over at you and smirks at your transparent embarrassment. Sam’s arms have left your waist to wrap around your shoulders. He pulls you in tighter, not letting you get an inch too far away from him. Dean’s smirk morphs into a genuine smile as he sees the contented grin on Sam’s face. Sam is resting his chin on the top of your head and swaying your bodies to the music he hears in his head.

Dean doesn’t know how you two can be together for as long as you have and still need that constant closeness as much as you do. Dean isn’t jealous of his little brother. Instead, he couldn’t be prouder. Dean loves that Sam is capable of letting love into his life. Dean only wishes he was capable of the same. But with everything he has been through lately, he can’t see himself opening up in that way anytime soon. So, for now, Dean is content simply knowing that kind of love is possible.

“Are you sure you can pry yourself away from Sammy long enough to make me some breakfast?” Dean teases you with a raised brow. “Your boyfriend seems extra grabby this morning,” he adds. Even Dean can notice Sam is more clingy than usual. You aren’t complaining. But, you have a feeling that you are soon becoming that annoyingly affectionate couple everyone hates.

“I think I’ll manage,” you retort and Dean scoffs in disbelief. You love seeing that teasing glint in Dean’s eyes return. His recovery may not be as far off as you all feared. “My puppy is just extra needy this morning,” you mock Sam to try and pull another smile out of Dean, and it works.

You hear Sam growl in your ear as a warning. You aren’t threatened, instead you start giggling. “Hey! I’m not holding onto you for my benefit,” Sam informs you. Sam lifts his head to look at his brother. “I’m holding her up because she has trouble standing on her right now. Watch what happens when I let her go,” Sam instructs Dean as he takes his strong arm’s off of you.

The second Sam lets you go, your legs feel wobbly. You didn’t realize just how much you were resting your weight onto Sam. You stagger slightly but Sam catches you before you stumble over.

“See,” Sam says with a triumphant smirk. He knows your legs always feel limbless after you two spend a morning like that together.

You bury you face in your hands as you stifle an embarrassed laugh. Sometimes you think Sam knows your body better than you do. You hadn’t even realized you haven’t recovered from your morning together, but Sam had.

“How about I make the pancakes and you go sit with Dean,” Sam suggests as he pats your butt.

You bite your lip as you pretend to consider his offer. The truth is, you would never turn down a chance to see your big tough hunter in an apron. “Okie dokie! Works for me,” you smile as Sam leads you to the table.

Once you are seated, Sam goes about his business getting breakfast ready. You lean over the table to steal the pot of coffee Dean is hogging. But, Dean is too quick. He snatches the pot away and narrows his eyes at you.

“Nuh uh, sweetheart.” Dean admonishes you like you are a child.

“Please,” you beg of him. “Just one sip before Sam sees!” The desperation in your whispered voice is clear. But, Dean won’t give in.

“Nope,” Dean shakes his head. “I won’t have my little niece or nephew hopped up on caffeine just because mommy needed a morning pick me up.”

“Sam’s right. You really are a jerk,” you pout your defeat.

“You are the one who got herself knocked up,” Dean raises his hands in defence. “And, you are the one who gave me that scary book about all the things that can go wrong during pregnancy. So, don’t blame me for not wanting your kid to pop out with an extra head.”

“That wouldn’t happen-” you start to assure Dean but are cut off when you hear a large crash of dishes breaking behind you.

You turn around and see Sam’s face has paled beyond recognition. He is staring at you with a look of shocked fear in his eyes.

“Sam, what’s wrong?” You get up from your seat and rush to his side. Your legs are no longer jelly now that you are driven forward by adrenaline to make sure he is alright. You ignore the broken glass on the floor as you stand chest to chest with Sam. You cup his jaw in your palm and pull his gaze down toward yours.

“Y-Your pregnant?” Sam stammers.

You narrow your eyes at him. “Yes,” you draw out the word. You see his eyes sparkle with joy and you can’t help but laugh. “Did you forget? You’ve known for almost two months. Why are you acting like this is new information?” You laugh because you think he is just playing a trick on you.

“I-I must have… I don’t know… are you sure I knew?” Sam asks as he is still stuck in a state of shock.

“Uh, yeah… I’m pretty sure. You all but hired a skywriter when we decided to tell Dean.” You smile at the memory of how proud Sam was to tell anyone and everyone he had gotten you pregnant. But, you also remember the way he didn’t sleep for the first month after you told him. He was nervous that the wrong people would find out you were having a Winchester’s baby. So, he definitely knew.

“Right…” Sam trails off. Something is wrong. This doesn’t feel like his life. He remembers you telling him you are pregnant. But, it doesn’t feel like a memory. It feels like torn pages from an old and familiar fairy-tale his heart had internalized. It is as if he had fantasized about it so often it started to feel like truth. But, you are here. Apparently, this is real. Sam has to remind himself of that fact.

Concern is causing the smile to fade from your lips. Your brows crease together as you try and read Sam’s busy mind. You look over your shoulder towards Dean for his help.  

Dean stands up from his spot at the table and walks over to you. “It’s alright Sammy. You’re probably just stressed out of your mind. You’ve had a lot on your plate lately,” Dean looks to the floor as guilt clouds his eyes. “Why don’t you two go out for breakfast? I’ll clean up here and you can bring me back a short stack or something.”

“You don’t want to come?” you ask the eldest Winchester.

“I’m not quite ready to be out in the real world just yet, princess. Soon though,” he assures you as he kisses your forehead. “Just keep this one away from the caffeine!” Dean instructs his brother with a smile. 

You roll your eyes at Dean as you take Sam’s hand in yours to urge him forward. Sam lifts you up to make sure your bare feet don’t get hurt on the broken glass around you.

Time plays tricks on Sam.  It is as if you exit the bunker’s kitchen and walk straight into a diner. He doesn’t remember driving here or even ordering. The next thing he knows, he has a mouth full of watermelon and a spoon full of oatmeal.

“Sam?” You call out to him. “Did you hear me?”

“Uh… sorry. What did you say?” Sam shakes his head as he tries to catch up with reality.

“I said, we have that doctor appointment later in the week. We should talk about whether we want to know the sex of our baby.”

“Our what?” Sam’s eyes widen as he once again looks like you are giving him new information.

“Sam, this isn’t funny. You’re scaring me.” You put down your fork and reach across the table to take his hand. “A-Are you… having second thoughts?” You can’t help but ask. Your life with Sam has been perfect, too perfect. The shoe was bound to drop eventually. What if this is it?

Sam can hear a familiar hint of rejection and pain in your voice. His eyes shoot up to meet yours. He can see you are trying to bury the fear in your eyes for his sake. He hates when you do that. He hates when you hide your pain just to make him happy.

“Because if you are,” you continue, “I can-”

“No!” Sam cuts you off with an adamant response. “Never, I would never have seconds thought about you or… our baby,” Sam says as he catches up to the conversation. Talking about this mystery baby is an odd thing for Sam to say out loud. It doesn’t feel familiar but it feels right.

“Okay, but you can tell me if you are. Chances are, I am ten times more scared of this than you are. I am probably so much closer to a fear-induced mental break down than you are. So, nothing you say can surprise me.” You decide to open up to Sam about your own concerns. You want him to know he’s not alone in his fear.

“What are you scared of?” Sam asks with determination in his voice. He has every intention of finding your fears, and then salting and burning them so they stay gone forever.

“You,” you respond honestly. You see Sam’s face fall and you realize you need to clarify. “I don’t mean it like that.” Your hand squeezes his a little tighter. “Look, I know we talked about me stepping back from the hunting life from now on. I also know you said that you won’t leave Dean to hunt on his own. But, the idea of sitting at home with the little nugget, not being able to protect you while you’re off hunting god knows what… I don’t know what we would do if something happened to you. I don’t know I would do without you. I can’t do this on my own. It’s always been you. You will be an amazing father, I don’t doubt that for a minute. But, I have no idea what I am doing. Our baby will need you to keep us all on track. But what if one day you never come home to us? I…I would-”

“You would do nothing,” Sam interrupts you with a stern demand in his voice. He knows what you were going to say. He can see those self-sacrificing wheels turning in your mind. He wants to stop them in their tracks. You have always been quick to jump on the nearest grenade for Sam. It’s a quality Sam both admires and fears about you. But he would never let you give your life for his.

“But I-” you start to argue.

“But, nothing. I can’t imagine what I would do if I lost you because you were cleaning up a mess I made for myself,” Sam lies. That nagging voice in his head has returned. He doesn’t know why, but he can vividly invasion how empty his life would be without you. But he tries his best to ignore that creeping darkness. If he looks into that abyss, he doesn’t know if he will ever find his way out. “Listen, I’ll talk to Dean. After everything he just went through… who knows? Maybe he’ll be ready to hang up his cape. Maybe we can all get out. I’ll take care of it. I’ll take care of you, I promise.” Sam traces circles on the back of your hand.

He reassures you with a smile and all your fears melt away. Sam leans across the table to kiss your maple syrup coated lips. When he pulls away, he is suddenly back at the bunker. He is sitting alone in the library with a book of baby names in his lap. He knows it is a baby book, but the letters appear unreadable.

Confusion laces Sam’s features as he tries to figure out how he got here. But he is soon distracted when you come barreling into the room wearing a pair of tight running shorts. Sam had bought them for you as a joke because they have a large ‘S’ on the butt due to the brand’s name. He thought he could get you into them when you two were alone together. But, you ended up wearing them all the time. You said they were comfortable and you liked showing off who owns your ass, your words not his.

Sam can’t help but smile at the little extra bounce in your step every time you wear them. You love the way Sam leers at you when you wear these short. Your entrance distracts Sam from his own confusion. 

“Isn’t it a little cold out to be wearing shorts?” Sam asks with a smirk as he comments on your unseasonal attire.

“Shut up, I want to wear these while I still can. In a couple weeks, I am going to balloon up thanks to you and your spawn. So, I’m going to get as much wear out of my cute clothes while I still can. It won’t be long before I am stuck wearing tragic stretchy pants that can fit a watermelon down the front.”

“But, I like watermelons,” Sam says and he opens his arms for you to come sit on his lap.

“I know you do,” you smirk as you take his offered seat and kiss his cheek.

Sam’s lips find their way to your neck and start sucking lazy marks into your skin. He smiles against you when you moan and tilt your head back for him. In this stage of your pregnancy, your hormones make you easily susceptible to Sam’s loving touch. But you stop yourself from giving in right now. You can feel yourself on the verge of surrender but that’s not why you came in here.

You put your hands in his hair and give it a small tug. He groans as you pull his mouth off of your bare shoulder. You get up off his lap and try pulling him up with you.

“Get up, lazy bones!” You order him. “We have to go,” you say with reluctance as you pull on his wrist.

“Where are we going?” Sam groans with annoyance as he misses you in his arms.

“We have to go for our daily run. We’ve missed the past couple days because of the whole Dean situation, but we need to get back on track,” you inform him.

You’d much rather get your exercise done in Sam’s bed. But, your doctor gave you a moderate, yet important, workout schedule to stick to. It is only for the first few months of your pregnancy. After that, you will have to take it easy. But until then, you aren’t taking any chances with your health. 

Part of this regimen includes a light run every day. You and Sam usually go for your runs in the mornings, but you forgot to today, for obvious reasons.

“Run?” Sam gets out of his chair and looks at you with concern. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I don’t think we should-”

“Come on,” you roll your eyes at him. “Or, are you scared I may finally beat you when we race back home?” You smirk at him. You and Sam can’t help but get a little competitive when you go for your runs. He never lets you win. But you’re at least starting to catch up.

“No… it’s just, I don’t think running is such a good idea with the baby and your heart condition. You never could run before. I don’t think you should start now. It’s too dangerous.”

“What are you talking about?” It is your turn to look confused. “What heart condition?”

“You know what I’m talking about,” Sam chides the fact you are still trying to minimize your health issues.

“Sam, I’ve never had a heart condition. The doctor is the one who said running will help keep my body healthy for the baby,” you remind him. “What is going on with you today?”

Sam takes in your words. He now realizes that this is too good to be true. Everything about today is too good to be true.

Waking up with you in his arms.

Getting Dean back to normal so soon after his experience as a demon.

You are having his baby.

Everyone is finally leaving the hunting life so Sam can raise a proper family with you.

You aren’t sick.

This can’t be real. Sam doesn’t feel like he deserves these things. His life shouldn’t be this easy, this perfect.

In this moment, Sam sees his reality, or lack thereof. That nagging voice in the back of his mind comes to the forefront and eradicates his contentment. Sam’s confusion and doubt turn to stone as they solidify into dread.

He looks around and sees the library tables are not scratched. The varnish on the floor is not scuffed. And, the old paint is not peeling off of the walls. Everything is squeaky clean and perfect. The bunker does not feel lived in. But, at the same time, Sam has never felt more at home. 

Sam is just now noticing that the old lore books that decorated the library have been replaced. The dusty old books are now colourful popup books about clowns. A little slice of nightmare embedded in this perfect dream.

But the thing that truly made Sam accept his unreality, was when he let himself look into your eyes. Your pupils dilate just for him. Sam sees a lifetime of happiness and love behind your eyes. He sees no trace of pain, rejection, or unanswered yearning. He sees only peace. And that’s how he knows this isn’t real. He finally lets himself admit that this isn’t you, none of this is real.

He could explain away the lapses in time, the missing moments, and strange décor. But Sam cannot avoid the truth that the real version of you, the one he knows and loves, does not have that happy gleam in her eyes. You always looked at Sam with love, but never true happiness. He was never able to give you that kind of well-rounded peace. That’s how Sam knows this isn’t real.

Sam pulls away from you and runs his hand down his face. He squeezes his eyes shut as he tries to remember his reality. But, everything is foggy. The only thing he is certain of is that he doesn’t deserve this beautiful lie. This has to be a dream.

“Sam,” you reach for him but he pulls away. He holds your wrists to stop you from coming any closer. He doesn’t want you trying to comfort him. He can’t let you lull him back into the blissful ignorance he doesn’t deserve.

“Stop, you’re not real.” Sam says as he looks down at you. The pleading in his eyes tells you that he wants you to contradict him. He wants you to prove him wrong. He wants you to tell him he’s crazy. He wants this to be real, he needs it to be. He needs you.

“But, I could be.” You can’t tell him what he wants to hear.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he whispers. There is a lot he needs to apologize for, but he doesn’t know where to start. He can’t figure out which memories are real and which are not. The only thing he can offer you is a blanket apology to keep you warm until his mind catches up to the specifics.

“Don’t be sorry,” you plead with him. “Just stay with me. Isn’t it finally our turn to truly be together?” You ask him with that familiar pain in your voice. It is a pain Sam remembers all too well, he knows that is real.

Sam squeezes his eyes shut once tears start to sting his eyes. “You don’t know how much I wish this was real. But I can’t just-” Sam starts to say but is cut off when he hears the distant sound of a phone ringing. It doesn’t sound like it is coming from this realm. “It’s not up to me,” his voice breaks as realization hits him.

He grips your wrists a little tighter as he feels this beautiful world he created get lighter. He can feel it slipping away. He can feel you slipping away. He thinks that if he holds you close enough, he’ll get to stay. You will ground him here. You will keep him safe from his reality.

“Please don’t wake up, Sammy!” The desperation in your voice causes Sam’s heart to clench with dread.

Sam looks around. You both are no longer in the library. You are in your shared bedroom. You are trying to pull him onto the bed beside you. Your stomach is a little larger than it was a moment ago. You are showing now. Your belly is getting rounder with every passing minute. Sam can his baby growing inside you. He can see the baby’s little foot kick against your flesh as the ringing phone gets louder.

“Please, don’t leave us.” You plead with him as you place his hand on your lower stomach. You intertwine your finger so you can feel your family grow together. “It is finally our turn. We can have it all.” You use your other hand to cup his cheek and force him to look you in the eye. “We can be together. We can have a family. We can finally be happy.” 

Your words cut through Sam as you offer him the world. His subconscious is torturing him with everything he’s ever wanted. But the ringing is only getting louder, you are becoming blurry. Your life together is falling away. 

“I love you,” you breathe out. “Please, stay.” A single thick tear spills over the rim of your left eye. Sam can now see the pain and rejection he knew he was missing. He’d give anything to make it go away.

Sam lunges forward and takes your cheeks into his large palms. He can no longer stop his own tears from rolling down toward his quivering chin. He looks you dead in the eyes so you understand his next words loud and clear. He needs you to focus only on him, above the ever-increasing ringing. He needs you to hear him say this. He needs you to believe it. “I-”

Before Sam can tell you just how much he loves you, he jolts awake. The ringing phone stops. He shouts out your name as his eyes fly open. He searches for you. But, you are nowhere around. You are not curled up in his arms like you were last time. Sam realizes he his sitting in the front seat of Baby, alone. He looks out the window and realizes he is still in the parking lot of the bar he and Crowley had been drinking at.

You are still gone, and it is still his fault.

Sam screws his eyes shut as he beats his palm against the steering wheel. He unleashes every ounce of anger onto the wheel as if it is at fault and not him. He hollers his pain into the empty car and let’s his reality wash back over him. 

By the time Sam calms down, he realizes he has broken the skin on his knuckles, and probably the bone too. But, he doesn’t feel it. No pain he inflicts on his body can override the pain in his tattered heart.

Sam doesn’t check his phone; the cursed device doesn’t deserve his attention. It’s ringing took you away from him. Besides, he knows it was Dean calling. His brother probably got worried when Sam didn’t come home after a few hours and found that Baby was missing too. Sam will call his brother back, but not right now. After.

Sam clears the unshed tears from his eyes to rectify his blurred vision. Once he can see straight, Sam puts Baby into drive.

It took Sam a few days to find what he was looking for. He hasn’t called Dean back in the entire time he spent searching. He knew Dean would talk him out of it.

Sam pulls up to an abandoned warehouse that is nestled outside of a small Midwestern town. He doesn’t get out of the car just yet. He can feel his destiny calling him inside the building. But, there is one more thing he has to do. He calls his brother.

“Sam! Where the hell have you been? I told you to take a walk not go missing for days on end without so much as answering your goddamn phone!” Dean berates his brother before Sam can even get a word in.

“I’m fine, Dean.” It’s not a lie. Sam hasn’t felt this at peace in years.

“You’re fine?” Dean scoffs. “I’m so glad you are fine! Meanwhile, I have been sitting here with my thumb up my ass not knowing what the hell happened to you! I had no way to find you or track you because someone turned off your phone!” Dean doesn’t care if he is yelling.

“Relax, Dean. Everything is going to work out. I’m going home,” Sam assures his brother.

“Great!” Dean voice is laced with sarcasm. “When will you, and my car, be getting back here?”

“No, Dean. I’m not coming back to the bunker. I’m going home. I’m going back to her.”

“Sammy, what do you mean?” Dean asks in an eerily calm voice. Dean already knows the answer Sam will give, but he doesn’t want to hear the confirmation.

“I’ve always been selfish with her. Our entire lives I… I always took what I didn’t deserve from her. Why should that change just because she’s gone? I’ve decided to be selfish one last time.”

“You can’t bring her back,” Dean sighs in defeat. “Cas made sure of that when he burned her body. If there really was a way to bring her back, Crowley would have done it already. Sam, it’s not-”

“I’m not bringing her back, Dean. I’m going to her,” Sam states.

Sam can hear his brother starting to pace with anxious steps. “Really, Sam? After all we’ve been through, after all we’ve fought for? After all she did for you? You don’t get to self-checkout. Y/N sold her soul to make sure you’d live. You are not honestly talking about killing yourself, are you?”

Sam remains silent which is answer enough.

“Sam, we don’t even know where she is! I know you don’t want to hear this, but she may not be in heaven. She did some horrible things as a demon.” Dean tells his brother the harsh truth.

“That wasn’t her!” Sam shouts in your defense. “That is who I forced her to become.” Sam’s anger settles back into desolation.

“You didn’t hold a gun to her head and demand that she sell her soul for you.” Dean tries to reason with his brother, despite him knowing it is a futile effort.

“I may as well have,” Sam admits.

“She knew what she was doing. She made her choice.”

“And, I’ve made mine. Look, I didn’t call for your permission. I just needed you to know that I forgive you, Dean. I don’t know what you two did together as demons and I don’t care. It doesn’t matter anymore. It never really did. I hope soon you’ll be able to forgive yourself.”

“Sammy, don’t-”

“Goodbye, Dean. I love you.” Sam and his brother never tell each other with words how much they love one another. But, they should. Sam made that same mistake with you and you died not knowing how much you meant to him. He doesn’t want Dean to second guess Sam’s love for him once he’s gone.

Sam hangs up on Dean as his brother screams his name through the receiver. Sam leaves his cell phone on so Dean will be able to track his phone and find Baby and find his body.

Sam gets out of the car and walks toward the warehouse. Hope and anticipation imbues his every step. Sam enters the seemingly empty building. He hears metal clanging and light footsteps creaking in the distance.

“You can cut the crap,” Sam calls out as he makes his way through the halls. “I know what you are. I know what you do. I think we can help each other.” Sam yells out into the open air.

Sam rounds the corner and walks into a large open room. Suddenly, a tall and heavily tattooed man comes out of the shadows. The man’s unnaturally bright blue eyes tell Sam he has found the right creature.

The Djinn stares at Sam with curiosity but doesn’t say a word. He can smell Winchester blood flow through Sam’s veins. The creature assumes this is a trick. A Winchester would never give themselves over to a monster willingly. But then, the Djinn sees the yearning in Sam’s eyes. He is not here to fight, he is not here for bloodshed. Sam is here for release.

Every monster far and wide has an unsatisfied sweet tooth for Winchester blood. And, this Djinn is no different. He has wanted a taste of the infamous bloodline for years. And now, Sam is offering himself up on a silver platter. This Djinn is not about to turn down a free delicacy.

The Djinn nods his understanding of Sam’s terms. He knows better than to cross a Winchester. The creature will give Sam his release, in return for his livelihood. The Djinn stalks up to Sam with a triumphant smile. Sam doesn’t even flinch as the Djinn raises his hand and causes a blue mist to invade every sense of Sam’s being. His world goes black seconds later. 

Sam opens his eyes and finds himself back at the bunker. He is standing in the library when he hears a familiar laugh echoing from down the hall. He follows it like it is his personal siren call.

Sam looks in his room but finds it empty. He searches room after room but finds no trace of you. He sees a light shining from the room at the end of the hall. He then hears another bout of laughter followed by an excitable squeal coming from within. A relieved smile pulls at Sam’s lips as he runs forward and pushes open the door.

The second he enters the room, his eyes are drawn to you. Your smile widens beyond compare when you see him. Sam has no choice but to return it. Sam’s gaze trails down to where your stomach is just as swollen and full as it was when he left his previous dream. 

The Djinn picked up Sam’s fantasy-life right where it left off. Sam watches you bear his little family in your waddling frame and a weight lifts off his chest. He lets a homey sense of serenity wash over him. It is a kind of peace he has never felt before. It is true, pure, and uninterrupted.

“There you are! Where the hell have you been? I need back up,” you feign seriousness. You squeal with laughter again as you run up to Sam. You duck behind his towering frame. You use Sam as a human shield against the eldest Winchester brother.

The boys had finished painting your baby’s nursery a few days ago. Once the fumes dissipated, it was your job to start decorating. However, Dean came in and interrupted your work. You were trying to sort through the mountain of stuffed animals you had bought. Dean teased you when you looked at him with a guilty smile and informed him you had forgotten you bought this many toys. From there, it turned into an all-out war between you and Dean. You two threw stuffed animals at each other and dodged them like they were grenades.

For a couple of former seasoned hunters, you were all surprised how easy it was to slip into the apple pie life. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say it feels like magic.

So, Sam had walked right into a fuzzy war zone. Sam can’t help but laugh as you cower behind him as if the stuffed bunny in Dean’s hand would actually wound you. Over the years, Sam has seen you take countless beatings on the job, and even a stray bullet to the leg. So, it is funny watching you hide from plush.

“No fair!” Dean calls out from across the small room. He is using the half-assembled crib as a barricade. “You don’t get to use the Sasquatch as shield! Two against one… that’s not fair!” Dean bellows as if this is a real battle with real rules.

“Technically, it is three against one!” You holler back at the lone army of one as you point to your large belly. “You should know by now, Dean. Pregnant ladies can play as dirty as we want and you can’t say shit about it!” You stick your tongue out at him to prove your point.

Dean doesn’t appreciate your smack talk. So, he raises his arm and hurls the stuffed bunny at you. You squeal again and duck back behind Sam. The bunny hits Sam in the head but he doesn’t even flinch. He simply gives his brother a look of unadulterated sass and annoyance. But, Dean can see through it. Dean can see his little brother is all but beaming with joy on the inside.

“You two are absolute children,” Sam rolls his eyes to try and hide his bliss. “You do know that soon there will be an actual baby here for us to try and manage, right? I don’t need three children to chase after.” Sam pretends to be the mature one. But, everyone knows he’s full of shit.

“Dean started it,” you decide to make yourself as immature as possible just to annoy Sam.

“Nuh uh,” Dean follows your lead. “No way, princess. This was all you!”

You narrow your eyes at Dean and bend over to pick up the stuffed bunny that fell at Sam’s feet. Your intention is to throw it back at Dean, but Sam stops you. Sam lifts you into his arms with the same ease as ever, despite the extra baby weight. He carries his feisty warrior out of the room.

“That’s right! Run away, little girl. We all know you need your big tough baby daddy to bail you out and save your sorry ass!” Dean playfully mocks you both as you leave the room in giggles. He loves teasing you like this. You are the little sister he’d never admit to wanting.  

“This isn’t over, Jerk!” You shout to Dean over Sam’s shoulder as he carries you to the safety of your shared bedroom.

“Yes, it is.” Sam tries to calm down your competitive side. “You won the battle and the war. Now, just enjoy the victory.” Sam smiles at you and you settle down in his arms.

Sam walks with a smile on his face. He loves seeing you and Dean fight like siblings. Watching you and Dean laugh together, like you used to when you were kids, only adds to the illusion of paradise. The two most important people in Sam life are a true family again.

You rest your head on Sam’s shoulder as he carries you the rest of the way. You both know you can walk, but you are both more content with you staying in his arms.

Sam brings you to your room and sits you on the end of the bed. “He’s going to spoil our kid rotten. He’s going to be that fun uncle who fills the kid up with sugar right before bedtime. Then, he’ll hand the kid off to us so we have deal with the consequences and he gets away clean. Dean Winchester will be the reason I won’t get a good night’s sleep for the next five years of my life!” you complain as you flop onto your back. 

The genuine annoyance and impending dread in your voice makes Sam laugh. “Isn’t that what you signed up for when you agreed to have a kid with me? Uncle Dean comes with the deal.”

You scrunch up your face in feigned thoughtfulness. “I don’t remember ‘agreeing’ to have your baby. The way I remember it, you thought it would be fun to try out those watermelon flavoured condoms Dean got you for your birthday. You know, the ones that are more for novelty than for actual protection.” You remind Sam of how you ended up in this position.

You always thought you’d have a family with Sam someday. But, those crappy condoms just sped your plans along ahead of schedule. The pregnancy was an accident. A happy accident, but still an accident. You two never did things the way you were supposed to, why should having a kid be any different?

Sam laughs at that memory. He knows the memory was implanted in his mind by the Djinn to embellish his fantasy. But this time, knowing it is fake doesn’t make it any less perfect. This is his life now.

“Alright, maybe it wasn’t an agreement but you sure as hell knew what you were getting into when you chose to be with me. You were just asking for trouble,” Sam teases you as he nudges you back so you’re lying on your side of the bed.

“Don’t I know it,” you roll your eyes. “You, Mr. Sam Winchester, will be the death of me.”

You meant it as a joke but Sam’s face hardens as he gets into the bed beside you. “Don’t say that,” he pleads with you. “I won’t… I’ll never…”

“Hey!” You cup his cheek and force him to look at you. “I didn’t mean-”

“I know what you meant,” Sam cuts you off. “But, I need you to know that there is nothing I will ever put above you or our family.” Sam puts his hand on your belly. He can feel a little foot kick at its father. “I love you.” Sam is finally able to say the words. There is no interruptions or impending doom. There is only you and him. There is only truth.

The light he sees in your eyes outshines his knowledge that this isn’t real. You are looking at him now with all of the love he never let you fully express in your true lifetime. He wonders how you kept it all contained over the years. It is now overflowing and he hates himself for ever making you stifle that pureness and light.

Sam knows this is a Djinn induced fantasy. He knows he will be dead in a matter of days. But to him, it will feel like years. Sam will get back the years he wasted without you. He gets to reset his life and spend the rest of his days by your side, where he should have been all along. Sam gets a do over, you both do. It is finally your turn.

Sam knows he will die. But he will die under the illusion that he lived his life in your arms. And, that is more than he could ever want or deserve.

You were willing to sacrifice your soul for Sam’s life. Now, Sam is willing to sacrifice his life to finally connect your souls.

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