#LIKE. they truly are the embodiment of found damn family and i just love it sooo so so much please

[lukedjarinsblog]

I still can't get over din showing to grogu how the maps works on the ship and saying "our people needs to understand how maps work", and then din asking bo-katan how did he find him and she replied with "your kid". Like I know we have been three seasons already into this clan of two father-and-son found family show, but I still can't help but keep cooing at every single little demonstration of grogu and din being a family and everyone around it acknowledging it

[charmedreincarnation]

Hi

I just wanted to tell you my story. I am an 18-year-old girl. I live in a small village in Africa. My father prevented me from studying since I was 10 years old. You should marry like the girls of the village and do the housework like them, but I really don't want that. I don't want to continue my life in this damned village. I had many dreams, but they were all shattered because of my father and the village in which I live. Everyone here interferes in my life. I really want to die. No. I can go on with my life like this. I've suffered a lot, I've endured things beyond my strength, and I still suffer from bullying because of my excess weight, insecurity and poverty. They broke me, but a while ago I discovered the law of assumption and Neville Goddard. They gave me a dose of hope that I can change my life, but I have a lot of doubts and Negative thoughts and i never know i know i bothered you but can you tell me what to do

اسف للغتى الانجليزيه

Hi beloved, and thank you for sharing your story. Your resilience and aspiration for your dream life given your circumstances is admirable and a reflection that you know you can change your life for the better. You don’t have to die, you don’t have to fear the future, or accept that what you see now is your fate because it isn’t.

You can live anywhere you want without your family nagging you to create a life you don’t desire, you can have enough money to last you a trillion lifetimes, and be the most happy, loved, intelligent, beautiful ethereal, and beautiful person in the world right now. You already are those things regardless if that’s what you see or not. I advice you to write down everything you want to change. Write down where you want to live, what school you want to attend, how you want to look like, what type of person you want to embody and etc. if you’ve found the law and Neville then you understand if you can imagine it, it can become present.

Honestly just live in the imagination because that’s the present. I assume that won’t be hard for you as I found that to be my escape during my hard circumstances but it’s truly the best reality to me and it still is even after all my manifestations.

I know it will seem hard given your circumstance but it doesn’t have to be. It is not necessary for us to become disciplined or entrenched in either the past or the future; rather, you should focus on living your lives for the moment. Being mindful of each experience for what it is and not worrying about what will come or what has gone before, because starting now you choose what your life will become.

Allow yourself to dream of a better future, to change how you actually want it to become and give yourself the ultimate freedom. Whatever your dream and ideal life includes, just know it’s all possible. Every single desire is yours if you can imagine it, regardless of whatever you have experienced in the past it can all be changed.

I also recommend bloggers such as @zen-shu @blushydior and @cinefairy who have all throughly talked about manifesting with bad circumstances.

I also recommend the Neville Goddard subreddit on Reddit if you have access to that. But I want you to know most importantly doubt or not, as long as you believe you can achieve your dream life it will come to fruition. Don’t resist it, you deserve it, and with a little persistence and imagination I promise you can do anything.

[atbussysparks]

Tf2 merc cat breeds bc I'm stronger than My trazodone:

Spy: purebred chartreux.

Absolutely only accepts certains brands of wet food

Sneaks up on rats and kills them stealthily and successfully, but refuses to eat them. Like Garfield!

I would argue that him killing rats is like killing his own kind (because he's french) and I just found out I'm not at all "France-french" just america french. Thank GOD

Demoman: caracal/domestic shorthair

I just wanted him to be big floppa

Carries around scout like a designer bag bc he likes to collect silly little fellas

Crazyass, cannot be contained. They like what they do and they only do what they like. But known for periods of aggression

No regulation when it comes to food

They make a family and stick by it. They will also bite that family

Scout: small Bengal/chartreux.

Perfect scout breed. Energetic, playful, cocky, attached to people, jumpy, fast and relatively strong.

Eats radioactive catnip

Embodies every goofy ass cat picture in existence. I'm drawing him as jinx as we speak.

Heavy: Ussuri/ Maine coon

Also kind of collects little guys

Big as hell for no damn reason

In my experience Maine coons are also intelligent and resourceful, but love solving problems by destroying them.

Medic: German rex/Abyssinian

There are barely any German breeds got damn.

Can be mistaken as not harmful but they're balls to the walls

The Abyssinian part is only funny if you read or seen felidae, which you probably shouldn't cuz that shit was weird

engineer: American curl

Short haired, and kinda look like they have goggles on

People oriented, like a Texan, good temper, unlike a Texan, and smarty smort

Unrelated but engi reminds me of Hank hill because of my unrelenting obsessive fascinations and borderline mania over king of the hill.

Pyro: raccoon???

makes occasional noises that can be vaguely interpreted at speech. scout can sometimes understand. Heavy recognizes some noises too, but notices that they make other noises that are not known to this world.

He has no rules, no boundaries, he doesn't flinch at torture, human trafficking, or genocide. He's not loyal to a flag or country or any set of ideals.he trades blood for money.

Soldier: Bombay/pixie bob

Sounds like bombastic, which these breeds are.

MUG ROOT BEER BLOODED AMERICAN

They will yell at you until an order is carried out

Went on a killing spree in Poland. He did what was truly right in the eyes of God, who did not create the polish.

Sniper: American wirehair

Quiet, reserved, calculative. Doesn't bode well with people unless they get to know them quite well. Very skilled hunters.

When they're not being intelligent they piss on stuff and have exactly two braincells that occasionally rub together and form a coherent thought.

There's one that hangs around my mawmaws house and when I pet it that bitch greasy AS FUCK. very much like snoiper!

[shoppncarticles]

The Larvesta Family

Though not a pseudo-legendary, Gen 5 does come packaged with another ultra-strong evolutionary family at the end of its ‘dex, starring the fuzzy moth caterpillar Larvesta. If you notice the squiggly red-orange growths around Larvesta’s head, you may be clued in that it’s Pokemon’s first Bug/Fire type, as they’re meant to resemble cartoon sunbeams. Mythology states that Larvesta was born from, or even fell from the sun, with one ‘dex entry even christening it as the Larva that Stole the Sun. Quite a cool title, and does a good job paving the way for its evolution.

Larvesta skips over having a pupa stage, apparently bathing itself in fire and evolving directly into its adult moth form, Volcarona. Allegedly regarded as a deity, Volcarona was both praised for providing divine sunlight and warmth during times of great darkness, but also feared for its tendencies to shed flaming scales as it flew overhead. I like that idea quite a bit, that for how all-powerful and worshiped Volcarona is, truly its nothing more than a big bug that hasn’t a clue that what it’s doing could either be saving or damning the normal folk below it.

As a design, Volcarona’s very well put-together as well. Most noteworthy are its six wings, each curving outwards in different directions and coloring in an appealing red-orange gradient. If the wings are meant to resemble the sun’s surface, as their color could indicate, the black spots likely are meant to resemble sunspots, which are a nice, small touch (and is actually confirmed! wow!).

The weird, icy blue eyes of ram-like antennae Volcarona has also helps to give it some weird, almost angelic appearance as well and separate from other Bug types, while still making it look just as much like a normal creature. I like its fat, wormy body and that it remains fluffy like Larvesta was. Again, I appreciate that it’s just a big, fat moth rather than some humanoid deity. It makes the whole design much more interesting in my eyes.

There’s also the innate humor factor of a moth, animals frequently characterized by their obsession with bright lights, to be the embodiment of effigy of the sun itself, so it gets extra points there too.

Score: 5/5 – PERFECT!

Sort of an inverse of my article on Excadrill – I came in expecting to just give Volcarona an A Rank, but found enough that I liked about it between its design and mythos that I gave it S instead. Always gotta show some love for the big bug gods.

[Gen 5 Archive]

[lucienne-thee-librarian]

You know, while the Despair x Edgar Allan Poe thing started mainly because of the Jill Thompson manga-style Season of Mists comics, and because we all like to joke about how Poe's incredibly angsty writing makes the pairing make sense? I think there's a deeper reason I'm unironically touched by the whole Despair and Poe thing - and by the sibling relationship between the Chaos Twins.

Because all jokes aside, the unspoken message at the heart of it that I see? Is "Everyone has value to someone. Everyone has someone who finds them not merely tolerable, but lovable. Everyone has someone who finds beauty in them."

Despair isn't everyone's favorite Endless and honestly, for very understandable reasons. Her realm, her function, isn't pretty or palatable. She's basically just sitting around feeding from people's sadness. She doesn't seem, to many, to contribute much to family meetings.

And yet, she is loved. She is treasured, doted on, by Desire. This is a character who is so often dismissive of others, often manipulative, so rarely shows genuine affection without some kind of game or scheme attached. Yet they seem to truly love their twin sister. They would be nothing without each other. She is always included by them in various schemes if possible. And to various writers and fans, Edgar Allan Poe found inspiration and even something to love, however strange, in her. She doesn't have to be as universally enticing as her twin or as creative as Dream or as obviously warm and lovable as Death or as fascinating and sympathetic as Delirium, to have her twin's whole heart, or even a random mortal poet's. She's good enough to some, as she is, as incomprehensible as it might seem to some.

I know some of us have had moments, or days or months, or even years, where we've felt like the Despair of our friend group or our family or the whole damn world, where we don't see how we contribute anything positive and we wonder how or why anyone would choose to care about us. I've had those moments, sometimes. Whether it's because we have some kind of mental illness or trauma or chronic health conditions to deal with, whatever the reason, I know many people have had times where even if they aren't the literal embodiment of despair, we've kind of felt like her. They may feel in those moments like they suck the joy and life out of everything or just like more trouble than we're worth.

So seeing or writing about someone choosing to love and spend time with even the literal personification of despair and hopelessness - yeah, the jokes are fun but it also kind of makes me feel things. And I wonder if I'm not alone in that.

And it may not be realistic to say that ANYONE is lovable to someone but honestly, sometimes I don't give a shit. Sometimes I need that, especially on those days when I feel afraid of reaching out to old friends because I wouldn't know how to answer the question of "what have you been up to" with anything that doesn't sound boring, or something they won't be interested in.

[vallygirl285]

Alona's Interview With Mako

Interview from Mako. May be a little off since it's translated from Hebrew... LOL like Seal Team is translating to Sea Lions and it's so damn cute I'm leaving it.

"I'm afraid because I really want to do it, and do it well"

For a long time now, Alona Tal has been maintaining an international career, and in fact, it has been no less than six years since she began acting in the American series "Sea Lions". This week, the sixth season of the series came to an end - and for Tal, it was a little more exciting than the others. In a conversation with mako, she talks about the challenges she experienced as a pregnant woman on set, the separation from her partner on the screen - and the plans to direct in the future, despite the fear

And, of course, speaking of Tal's success overseas, it is impossible to ignore her role in the military drama series "Sea Lions", in which Tal has played the image of Stella since she came on the screen in 2017. This week, the sixth season of the series came to an end. "It's sad, dramatic, but necessary. It's a bit heartbreaking for me from this episode, and from this whole season," Tal admits in a conversation with mako.

"I filmed this season when I was pregnant, so it all kind of moved me, because I was very hormonal," laughs Tal. She says she wasn't afraid to shoot while pregnant, as her colleagues on "Sea Lions" had done so before: "In season five, we had three pregnant cast members," she says, "so I knew it wasn't going to be a problem. The bosses in the series know how to work around it. I wasn't afraid: I just got pregnant, that's the way it is." Still, Tal admits that the pregnancy did complicate the situation: "It was not the most comfortable, because I don't like pregnancy clothes - and also the very fact that you have to hide your belly, because my character is not pregnant," the actress explained. And, as mentioned, the pregnancy also made Tal more emotional than she is used to being.

Separation from a partner, a kind of

But that wasn't the only reason why emotions were at their peak this season. At the end of the season, "Sea Lions" parted from one of its most notable actors, not to mention the most prominent: Max Thiriot, who embodied the image of a Bravo crew member, Clay Spencer. For Tal, the departure of Thiriot was particularly difficult, since he is not only the star next to her - but also her partner on the screen.

"It was a farewell to a central figure who is very close to me," says Tal. "Everybody took it very hard, saying goodbye to him, partly because his character is very much loved - and also because everyone loves the actor. He is truly one of the most amazing people I have worked with. I had a relationship with this guy for six years. We've been playing a couple for six years, except for the third season, which was the break."

"I'm very afraid to direct: the fear is not there because I don't want to do it, but because I really want to do it, and do it well"

Not only the cast members and crew of the "Sea Lions" found it difficult to say goodbye to the character of Clay, but also fans of the series. According to Tal, most of the comments she received from viewers at the end of the season were angry comments protesting his resignation. "The fans or viewers of the series are very angry about the move made with Clay's character, and I hope people understand that there was no choice, that it was the best thing for the continuity of 'Sea Lions'. The way he ended his participation in the series will open up an opportunity to tell more stories from the side of the families who are left without the fighters, who die in battle. At the moment the viewers who respond do not understand, but that is because people are going through a kind of mourning. I get it."

Thiriot's retirement is unfortunate, but Tal says it wasn't surprising, neither for her nor for the production and other actors of the series. "He's moved on, it's something we've been worried about for a long time," she says. "We knew he was developing a series, we knew it was progressing very quickly and we knew who was involved. Everyone who knew this was the case anticipated this situation, including the main boss of the series." And although their professional paths are separate for the time being, Tal is confident that she and Thiriot will continue to talk: "We are very good friends," she says, "we are still in touch."

"As I always say, I am open to jobs in Israel"

Although "Sea Lions" has not yet been renewed for a seventh season, Tal believes that it will happen soon – and she is imbued with a purpose and determined to fulfill her next goal: directing. "I hope, nothing is set in stone, as they say - but it will go there," she says. "I don't know if next season, I'm waiting to hear. The boss of the series knows I'm waiting for that confirmation."

Do you feel ready? "Yes and no, I'm very, very scared of it. Mostly because I think I really want to do it. Anything I want to do and don't want to fail at, I'm afraid: the fear is not there because I don't want to do it, but because I really want to do it, and do it well. And it's also something new for me, it's a lot of responsibility. And I think if I've taken this step of directing, this series is the best home I can do it in. I know the team, I know the language of the series. I'm in a very good and open relationship with the boss, so I'll have good guidance and a lot of support. I very, very much hope that it will be carried out."

Apropos directing, are there any other proposals on the agenda in the field? "I've received offers, there's talk to my partners about a romantic comedy that they want me to direct. Until you do that, no one really takes you seriously, so you have to get through the first time – and then more doors will open."

What's your next project as an actress? "Right now I'm shooting a movie, right now at these moments. It's an independent film, an unexpected thriller. I play Chabadnik. I'm waiting for them to put the wig on me. It's the first day of filming now, and it's weird. I play an American Jew, and it's very different (from a Jew from Israel, G.M.). When you think of someone who is religious, I immediately go more in the direction of someone I know - an Israeli, who speaks Hebrew, but she doesn't. So it's a bit strange. It's different."

And what about projects in Israel? "There was a role that I was offered in some series, but I couldn't confirm my arrival, because the filming was supposed to be when I was in advanced pregnancy. Unfortunately, nothing has been said since then. But as I always say, I'm open to jobs in Israel."

okay so she’s filming a movie and mentioned a wig so I’m guessing that’s the wig 🤣🤣🤣

[likebuttababy]

I’m approaching my 27th birthday. Naturally I’m reflecting…

Leo season was always one of my favorite times of the year for many reasons. Obviously my birthday, but also because August is usually the hottest month of summer. Extra hot weather means I can wear next to nothing without as many side eyes from the aunties. Leo season usually gives me an extra boost of confidence and energy. Plus, when I actually put some effort into my look for the day I enjoy the acknowledgment, good or bad. Welcome it even. School is also usually starting during Leo season, shortly after my birthday. I love school, I’m forever a lover of knowledge and new experiences. Starting school fresh off a birthday high only makes it better for me. The beginning of the school year is usually when I find the other Leo’s on campus, talking about our previously celebrated solar returns or inviting people to upcoming ones. That’s always interesting because there usually aren’t many of us. But once you find the other Leo’s it definitely starts to make since why we are the same sign.

My 10th birthday comes to mind because I feel like it was the first time I truly embodied the Leo spirit. I made such a big deal about hitting the double digits. My parents were in a really good place financially and I was set on how I wanted the day to play out. I was very active at this time, so I wanted to be outside but I hated swimming. The idea of submerging my head under water sent my anxiety through the roof because I hated getting my hair wet. Wet hair meant I was going to have to endure getting it done again soon, and I also really hated doing that too. Little did we know that at the end of that school year I would actually drown at my damn promotion party. Which is now my current trigger when it comes to large bodies of water. But that’s a story for another day lol. Anyway! We planned to have a barbecue at the park with jumpers characters, games, etc. The whole Shabang. My mom bought me a purple and white addidas skort with the matching halter top. I couldn’t wait to put it on! I was obsessed with purple because I had just found out it represented royalty and the halter top made me feel like I was grown. I put on white and silver shell toes to go with it, & accessorized with purple fade away shades and a white shoulder bag. I had all of these items laying at the foot of my bed the night before the party all ironed out and ready to step. Naturally, my braids were fresh & crisp with the purple white and clear beads to set it off. I was very much that girl, and this was the first time I felt it and wanted to flex my 10 year old confidence.

None the less, It rained hard as hell that day. It was at least 100 degrees the days prior, and was predicted to stay that way for a while. But needless to say, weather people don’t know shit. My entire bounce house park blowout party was ruined. We ended up canceling and invited everyone to my granny’s house to hang and celebrate there. I remember being so crushed about it. “All dressed up and nowhere to go”. But my mood changed the second I saw myself in my fit. I stepped into my granny’s living room feeling even more like that girl because everyone was being extra nice to me since my party was canceled lol. I realized quickly I didn’t care much about the party at all. I just wanted everyone who knew me to see me in my birthday fit & celebrate how cute I was in it. My family has never been perfect but we definitely know how to enjoy each other’s company and have a good time. Family gatherings were something I looked forward to regardless of the occasion. I ended up having a really good day just embracing all the good vibes. I remember telling myself that whatever I do on my birthday the next year, I want to be surrounded by a bunch of people having fun.

Fast forward to almost 27, and I feel the exact opposite. Large crowds overwhelm me. Even more so, I don’t have a large crowd that I feel close to anymore. I’m passed that age where the presence of all my family alone represents pure joy and laughter. Although those components still exist, I now know what else is present because I’m not a child anymore. The idea of sharing my light with people who don’t understand me or like me even, is depressing. If I ask 10 year old me where I thought I would be at 27, she would not say exactly where I am today but I think that’s true for most people. That isn’t to say I am unsatisfied with my current accomplishments, just that they aren’t what I thought they would be. I don’t have a boat load of close friends and family left to have a big bounce house park barbecue. 10 year old me would feel like her world was ending. Confirmation that she wasn’t worth the effort as the ones who were supposed to protect her but didn’t made her believe. But 27 year old me feels redeemed. Because I’m excited for the same reasons, but the only applause I need to feel like that girl is mine now. The only applause that ever really mattered. As I pull into my apartment fresh off my corporate job in my brand new foreign car, I’m met by my brilliant beautiful daughter full of hugs and a man who loves me, spoils me, and spends most of his time thinking of ways to make my life easier. The world is literally bending to my will, so a party seemed like the thing to do at first. Invite a bunch of people to celebrate my success, the outfit, and how good it all looks on me. But I could even get myself to care. I found myself thinking about what it is that will really give me that joyous feeling I had on my 10th birthday. And when I completed the list it didn’t include a crowd of people. It definitely didn’t include me spending my hard earned money to make sure everyone else was happy with me on MY day. I can name a bunch of people who I love and would love to spend time with on any day. But on this day, my day, I finally started thinking of me. 27 year old me still loves looking good & being adored, but it’s more geared to my own satisfaction vs making sure other people are satisfied with me. Joy is the secret sauce to looking your best. The things bringing me the most joy this year, besides my daughter starting first grade on my birthday, are: getting my hair done in a new style, getting my makeup done by an artist I’ve been dying to get an appointment with, house hunting, chocolate cake, and relaxing at the spa. Did I say chocolate cake?

I don’t know if all of this means I’m maturing or that I’m just becoming more reclusive. I’m not sure how long this will last or if I will ever feel connected to people the way I used to as a child again. I don’t even know where I’ll be at the end of this year! But maybe that’s the point of these 20 something’s. They keep you guessing.

🪄Happy almost birthday to me 🥳🥂🤎

[achoonihaachu]

Sun in Her Eyes

A re-imagining of Obey Me.

"What would happen if Lucifer knew from the very beginning of your connection to Lilith?"

tw: toxic behavior (luci!), not proofread hehe, 12 am thoughts penned into angst

!play Glimpse of Us by Joji

(ps: i missed you all so much! pretty sure this whole thing's a little messy but i hope you still like it!)

It has never been about you. 

The way your face just blends in with the rest of the student body so seamlessly like washed out watercolor on damp paper– you were a dime a dozen. You were dispensable, replaceable in his eyes but on stormy nights and under sheets of satin and fine silk, for just a millisecond he can feel her. He can see the unending pools of wonder that she had in her eyes… they shone just as brightly in yours but the second he blinks, it’s gone and you’re unidentifiable again.

Just another one to pass the time with.

Eons. He spent eons living in indulgence, his ego stroked with every girl that hung off his arms- drunk on his charm and his allure. The dutiful dog going through the motions, numb to the idea of feeling yet embodying the emotion most obnoxious and irritating. He found himself chasing that high.

He was never able to grieve properly. He was too frazzled to really understand, perhaps. Seeing her bleed out in his arms, all he could hear was a high pitch ringing reminiscent of a whine as he stared. All he could comprehend in that moment was how two figures loomed over him. The next thing he knew, he was making a deal with the devil and he...

Well, he managed to set her free from Death’s grasp.

On the nights he’s free, he sits with a bottle of expensive liquor and ponders on the possibilities. She had a soul, sure, but where on Earth would she go? The Gates of Heaven were eternally shut to him and his family, that much was obvious but she had the purest of souls.

If only Father wasn’t such a prick.

His smile would sour ever so slightly when he remembers how he wasn’t able to properly say goodbye. Surely she had to be dead at this point if Diavolo made true to his word. When they first fell, he’d spend hours upon hours just sitting by her makeshift grave and just think.

He never grieved, just thought and talked.

As the years went by, he spent less and less time on her and more and more time living the sin he embodied. The once daily visit turned into a weekly drop-by to just a quick sit down whenever he could. He swore, her soul never left him alone.

Maybe it was why he got so comfortable with leaving her be.

His brothers, once loving and concerned, slowly drifted yet for the life of him, he could never truly care how far from shore they went. He was Pride personified, he could reel them back in whenever he pleased. 

He let them be, ensuring they at least had enough food and had money to spare for their own wants and needs. He spent most of his days trapped behind a desk in between four walls that heard and saw every little thing he did. Silence and disdain grew in the household and it was practically crumbling before his very eyes until—

“Lucifer, I will be holding an exchange program.”

Damn this Prince and his never ending quest for peace and unity. He sounded like a deranged politician, really. The avatar forces himself to not roll his eyes as the prince waddles into his messy office one morning with a stack of files that was comically tall.

He was tasked to go through each and every eligible candidate and to dwindle them down slowly. The sun rose as he did and set without him, he stayed glued to his lush leather chair with the intent of appeasing the man he was forever indebted to.

Sleep was a curse that he still had to deal with and as it sweetly called for his name, he flips through a folder and all the lethargy leaves his body as he stiffens like a pole; it was as if he was doused with a bucket of freezing cold water. He drops the file and stares blankly at the photo attached.

It was as though his Father garnered starlight and put them in your eyes... just the way he did with her. His breath hitches in his throat as he sees that mischievous, toothy grin. He rubs his eyes, his mind was definitely pulling tricks and just as he expected-

You were nothing like his dear Lilith.

Your eyes shone like the sun, not the stars. You were much too different from her, no. He would never let himself compare a mere mortal to his beloved sister. You weren’t her and you could never be half of a fraction of the person she was.

So why did he find himself bringing your file to Diavolo’s office, the rest of the candidates trashed and stored somewhere in his home office?

What proof did he have to even assume that he saw her in you?

Without much as a second thought, you get approved and all he has to wait for is your arrival. He felt himself lose his composure as the days went by. He’d walk past a room covered in plastic. Its clean, bright image is the complete contrast to the dark and gloom of the rest of the house. 

He sat on the speckless sofa couch clad in cellophane the day before your arrival. 

You walk into the meeting room like a dream and he fell right into you. He was enamored, completely and wholly and you were none the wiser.

“My name is Lucifer.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you. My name’s...“

He zoned out as he stared down at your frame. You were dangerous.

And you didn’t even know it.

Your first few nights in the Devildom were normal…ish? You got along swell with Beelzebub, the gentle giant was easy to soothe on his rampages. Lucifer noted how skilled you were in the kitchen and he decides that that’s one of the points that got him to pick you. As an avatar of Sin, deceit was his second nature.

Mammon quickly grew attached to you, regardless of your lineage. He loved how wild yet grounding you were. Lucifer decides that you were chosen because you were a good role model for the wild child of the family. 

He didn’t realize that included deceiving himself.

You weren’t able to make a breakthrough with the other brothers and a part of Lucifer, some sick part of his heart was happy. Only he knew this little detail of you, something that made you so indescribably special and important and his brothers were living their lives in the sweet bliss of ignorance.

He had Lilith all to himself.

He kept his distance at first but you were like this magnet that kept pulling him closer and closer. On sleepless nights, drunken secrets are shared between two souls in a room of plastic. The way he stared at your lips. The way his gaze would dart up to meet yours before he turns away.

He left you confused.

Your relationship grew tumultuous as the days passed by. He’d sneak into your room in the wee hours in the morning and wake you with a gentle kiss. His vision was blurry enough that if he didn’t think about it, he'd see her again.

Clothed in all white, in all her innocent glory. He’d stare at you and blink and... she’d be there but before he could reach out to hold her, he’d look down and see you in his arms.

He’d bite his lip till it bled, the rich flavor of his blood a stark contrast to the sweet gloss that you wore on your soft lips. He’d close his eyes and hold you tightly in his arms. He’d forget the stolen kisses and focus on the beating of your heart.

The beating of her heart.

Yours.

Hers.

The memories he shared with her blending and combining with whatever little moment you two would share in the privacy of your room.

If he holds onto her memory, it’s like she was never gone. If he tries hard enough, you’d look like her in the light at midday.

He’d look deep into your eyes, eyes swirling with wonder and awe, and he’d see her dancing in flower fields.

He’d smile at you fondly and when you smile back he feels a pang in his chest.

Because you will never be her.

But...

He’d do anything just so he could find a glimpse of her again.

---

“Lucifer?”

He snapped out of his daydream as quickly as he entered it. You sat across from him, drowning in your adorable turtleneck sweater, with a cup of hot chocolate in your dainty hands. Your brows furrowed in concern as you reached out cautiously.

“Is everything all right?”

His smile was wry. He takes your hand in his, your pretty promise ring shining in the dim light of the patio. Your hair was longer than when you first came. Your face etched with new wrinkles that held memories and adventures that were now in your past.

Every passing day, you looked more and more like her.

“Everything will be alright as long as I have you by my side.”

That same lopsided grin.

The same shine in your eyes.

“I love you.”

[bastart13]

I’ve had a lot of fun recently coming with with female mercenary characters for TF2. I really liked where the concept art was going with making them all individual characters rather than simply “if the characters were women”

The design style is fantastic for distinct simplicity so I tried limiting myself to basic colours and shapes to make these

and I’m pretty confident they pass the silhouette test!

Character names/bios under the cut!

Heavy

Name: Marie Jarrett

Age: Mid 30s-40s

Height: 6’5

Nationality: American (Hawai’i)

Bio: Raised in Hawai’i, growing up she developed more and more drastic measures to fend off the tourists swarming her home. Land mines, electric gates, guard dogs, none could stop them for long until she picked up her trusty minigun to send her message. But even still, she hears the click of cameras in the night.

Eventually, she left her home to explore the world. Enthralled with the image of seeing different wonders across different countries, she’s always disappointed. She’s travelled every continent and still finds nothing that lives up to her expectations. No place, no person. She’s outgoing and open to new experiences, only she usually hates them.

Mercenary life is a great opportunity to earn money, see sights, meet new people and kill them after they don’t meet your expectations. She hates New Mexico and takes every opportunity to destroy the buildings and insult her employer’s tastes. She finds some people she tolerates within the mercenaries as she hasn’t yet visited where they live. However much she hides it, she has a deep, instinctual fear of the Engineer.

  Soldier

Name: Linda Smith

Age: Early 40s

Height: 5’10

Nationality: Canadian

Bio: Canada’s perfect woman… or so she claims. The star of war propaganda posters and clearly decided for the role because of her great tactical assets. She’s there to motivate people into the fight. To spread the glory of Canada and inspire her allies. She believes she has higher orders than anyone else she’s working for (ignoring the fact she hasn’t heard from them for a good few years) and is determined to follow them to the letter. She may have lost the letter but she remembers it good enough.

She represents the ideals of Canada: polite, friendly, apologetic, and pacifistic. None of these are contradicted by how she throws around rockets. That’s not what Canada means. She’s superior to everyone around her and graciously educates them on how to improve through example. She loves her French and British allies and will kindly tell the Americans how to be better.

She’s motivating and actually fairly competent, it’s just that competency might be misdirected. She’s damn good at rocket jumping, shooting her shotgun, and supporting her team, it’s just that you really need to get it in her head when she’s meant to be doing it.

Scout

Name: Patricia “Pat” Herald

Age: 50s-60s

Height: 5’4

Nationality: English

Bio: In her years, Patricia has learnt fear… and she’s learnt to laugh in its face. She wakes up at the crack of dawn, ready to leave at the drop of a hat, boots polished and laced the night before. Her years have taught her that with a gun and Jeremy by her side, she can survive!

The postal route of Appleby-in-Westmorland.

She’s been chased by geese, dogs, cows, elderly ladies, and when her postal route had her delivering post during the war, she developed a taste for blood. Nothing will stop her from delivering her post on time. Every day before 6am, every postbox will have their letters and parcels. One chucked across barbed wire, another house jumped over a river, another house miles into the country with dogs on her heels, she WILL get there and she’ll get there FAST.

But after a couple of decades, she needs a change of scenery, and the Gravels wars are just the holiday she’s needed. With her trusty black and white cat by her side (ignoring the yowling and scratches) she reckons it’ll be great time to enjoy herself.

Quotes: “Oh, hello, Human Jeremy.”

“Bloody fucking Ethel! Building her house out in the country… surrounded by bloody hills and rivers!”

Pyro

Name: Nikephoros Papadopoulos

Age: Late 20s

Height: 5’11

Nationality: Greek

Bio: Survival of the fittest. Nature gives and nature taketh away. If you’re not prepared for that, well, Pyro is more than happy to teach you the lesson. They embody the old values of the Greek gods: f*ck or fire. She indulges her every whim and unfortunately for the people around her it often involves arson.

One year for the Olympic games, she was given the noble title of torchbearer. On complete coincidence, the Olympics shifted to primarily water sports. Underwater sprints became the hot new trend!

She’s merry and chatty, never missing the opportunity to talk to other people about herself and her world view. She can’t wait to spread her gospel to help other people improve themselves (though she always gets a laugh out of those who go out screaming in the flames). She can’t help it if she has a sadistic side.

Engineer

Name: Mikawo Kojima

Age: Early 20s

Height: 5’0

Nationality: Japanese

Bio: Japan’s early-rising industrial revolutions in technology are best exemplified in Mikawo, a young upstart determined to rise to the top, learning everything she can and building the best of the best. Unfortunately, she’s never been the most creative but when you happen upon other people’s blueprints and happen to construct them first, what does it matter who came up with the “concept”?

At first, she appears to be every bit the quiet and demure young woman people expect, only when silk hides steel, that steel is a massive automatic sentry gun. She’s motivated by a distinct contempt for the people who get in her way. Especially those who try to be better than her. She enjoys the flexibility of English, especially the cusses, and she has no reservations about swearing up a storm, even if she still refuses to give a straight rejection, preferring instead to give a small “I’ll think about it.”

Quotes: “This GUN is fair use on your head!”

Demo

Name: Qingzhao Zeng

Age: Late 40s

Height: 5’3

Nationality: Chinese

Bio: The Zeng family has a long-standing family trade in demolitions and explosives, traced down the line all the way to the Song dynasty. Luckily, Qingzhao has sisters so, you know, it’s not all that important. She doesn’t even have to stop smoking and drinking. She hasn’t blown herself up (that much) so clearly, it’s working. Precision is for other people to worry about. She’s apathetic to a T, having seen everything. Measurements come from the heart. A pinch of gunpowder there, a splash of paint there.

Her family has a deep-seated rivalry with the DeGroots. Long ago in ancient China, a Zeng matriarch woke up in a cold sweat, a message from the stars to let them know of their Scottish rivals. Due to being a continent away from each other, the families have actually met each other only a handful of times, but the hatred needs to be kept up because, what if?

Turns out, Qingzhao has met Tavish even before finding employment under the Mann brothers. One drunken night, the two of them had a short, whirlwind friendship, sharing secrets and declaring each other to be their best friends. Luckily for them, they both forgot the night, merrily hating each other as tradition dictates. However, headaches and flashes of this terrible night haunt them both. Could they really get over centuries of hate and become friends?

Absolutely not.

Sniper

Name: Ansa Aaltonen

Age: 27

Height: 6’2

Nationality: Finnish

Bio: Snow. Sugar. Cocaine.  Her life is run by many white powders. Ansa is a professional sniper, with a sharp eye and a steady hand… when she isn’t also high as a kite, lost in the snowy wilderness of Finland and screeching to the sky. When you’re up in the dark and cold, you need something to give you a little pep in your step. It just so happens Ansa liked having a bit more pep than most.

She’s there for a THRILL. There’s nothing better to get your heart pumping at 200 beats per second than a good headshot, embracing the chill, and a hit of sugar. She no longer feels the cold or heat or even pain, shrugging it off until she collapses. It just makes her feel alive. She’s efficient, fast, and determined to get her kicks.

She has an unusual taste, living off fermented fish and tree bark. To most people around the Finnish wilderness, she’s nothing more than an urban legend, but she’s very real and she’s looking for some excitement, happily found in employment in the Gravel wars.

Spy

Name: Yvonne Pleshette [Real name N/A]

Age: 30s

Height: 5’8

Nationality: American (California)

Bio: The silver screen calls to his woman and she’s happy to answer. She trains herself to act in every possible role she can, having a wide range of accents, body languages, and backstories. To truly test herself, she gave up her identity long ago. Lately she’s been going by the name “Yvonne.”

The world of Hollywood is cutthroat and full of backstabbers so she learnt to cut throats and stab backs. While some people tell her the terms are metaphorical, nothing else has given her more roles. Living the mercenary life is simply gathering research for her roles (and earning some much-needed money in the process).

She presents herself as a classic film star, despite being a minor name at best, mostly because she’s always changing it. She has high standards but a cheapskate personality. She’s a bit of a bitch, happily criticising others, especially if they’re working with her. What can she say? She’s a diva.

[Slutshames other spy]

Quotes: “Ugh, actors these days, they know nothing about getting into character. They still have names.”

“’AHHHHH—’ Wait, no. Once more from the top. Scream in agony.”

Medic

Name: Susan Monks

Age: 30-40s

Height: 5’7

Nationality: American (New Jersey)

Bio: The American Healthcare system. Is there a more glorious sight? The exploitation of pain. The money. The debt. The fear it strikes into the entire population it’s designed to help. To Susan, there’s nothing better. She squeezes every last drop from the people she helps, working on a purely transactional lifestyle. She’ll never help someone unless she has all of their insurance information and the payment secure in her bank, and god forbid she ever accept help. It’s not like she can afford her own prices.

She’s very self-aware of her own corruption and proud of it, though she refuses to be exploited in the same way, suspicious of anything “free” but also doing her best not to pay for anything.

That said, she doesn’t much care for how good a job she does. In her eyes, asking for surgery is one thing. Asking for successful surgery is another. She has a variety of skills in both cosmetic and military medicine. She just wishes the license board would stop sending her “malpractice” letters. Ugh, stick to your own business. “Disappearing” all their messengers is becoming a pain.

Quotes: “Why get someone else to do something for you when you can scrounge a way to do it yourself?”

[rocinawanda]

The Expanse - 6x06 (SERIES FINALE)

Loved it. Let this be the tldr before I ramble on, I loved it. This finale, this final season, this show. They did me justice, I am satisfied. I am emotional.

where do i even start fuck, SPOILERS!

Okay cue the ramble apologies in advance for the long post.

Oh my god the different fight sequences I didn’t think they would even go off like that firstly Drummer and her band of Belters thinking they were only going up against some frigates but it was the Pella disguised like the Roci a few seasons back god damn. It was a miracle that Camina made it out of that alive and that decision by the pirate guy whose name escapes me really helped turn the tide. Amazing.

Then the Rocinante in the ring space HOLY SHIT that was so incredible wow. Bobbie BOBBIE facing all of those guns and her manoeuvre was exactly the same as when we first meet her on the Mars training course in season 2!!! I was sobbing. Amos going to shield her when she was down i simply cannot I love them both so much. PEACHES earning her keep, I was so scared for her because of her diagnosis and thinking she might faint I genuinely thought she died fixing the reactor problem but then Naomi going down to help and check on her, my emotions I love this found family.

THE SCENE IN THE KITCHEN. Did I mention that I love this Rocinante family so goddamn much and they even referenced Alex again and left an empty seat for him I was in floods of tears. Its always the scenes in the kitchen of them eating together throughout the show, firstly with Miller, then toasting to Miller after his sacrifice, after Bobbie joined the ship, then this final one with Clarissa before we knew what their fate would be.

Naomi thinking she killed/sent her son off to his death with the entities at the Ring gate broke me, that little flashback to baby Filip I could not handle it. Her courage and willingness to do what needed to be done even with such a huge sacrifice whew. Naomi Nagata the woman that you are.

Jumping to Laconia real quick Cara is crazy I feel so sorry for her parents goodness gracious, her brother is a zombie, I predicted correctly that the scene from the trailer was from his perspective and that whole storyline this season just confirms that no matter the focus on what our Roci team or the politicians are doing, there is always going to be some mad protomolecule shit going on in the universe that they have no idea about. This is the world they live in now, may as well embrace it.

Look at Jim turning the tides at the end and making Drummer the President of Ring transportation you go king I knew you’d never want to be in the position. It was so funny when they all turned to look at him at the table you could hear his brain going “hold on w-wait a minute, no that’s not what i meant”.

CHRISJEN LIVES I was so worried about her with the bonus content showing her health issues and even the one soldier on the ship saying he was worried about her like he embodied me. But she lived fuck yes I am so happy.

rip(?) Marco, at the very least GOODBYE BITCH hope you have fun floating through the cosmos with your disintegrated narcissistic self. It would have been nice to see him suffer but this will do. woah Filip is alive he deserted the ship before the transit and is now going forth as Filip Nagata okay go on get your redemption off by yourself, it is what Naomi wants for him.

Overall I am so satisfied, all of our Rocinante family are alive and thriving on the ship they will go off and live their lives together. The final shot of the Rocinante just flying off into the distance was *chefs kiss*. I will miss this show so much. Quite literally my favourite television show ever. I am so glad they didn’t let me down, as if they could.

I’m looking forward to reading the books and the The Expanse game with Drummer that will release in the future. I’m not done with this world. I’m glad i’ve been able to write these episode posts for this show, it truly deserves. Bye for now Beratna.

[mittensmorgul]

I feel like I should be posting more original content. I’ve been here for so long, posting original content analyzing every detail of this show, and posting literally millions of words on the subject, and the show has gone and done exactly the thing I’ve been writing about, confirmed in text that the story I’ve been watching in the subtext is really the story they were telling all along.

And I could be posting gleefully about the beauty of the most intense metanarrative, the absolute bananapants layers of meta in any piece of media I’ve ever consumed in my 46 years. From the self-referential and universe-bending plotlines to just how deeply embedded ALL of this has become as the central core narrative of the final season, as the characters grapple with what is even real when they’ve been characters in a story beyond their control or understanding for so long only to come so close to earning their freedom and “becoming real” by using their OWN words and declaring for themselves their truth and their happiness and their love.

It’s... mind boggling that everything I’ve ever written about this show is coming back around in a final grand swoop of the narrative arcs that I honestly don’t know what else I can do aside from waving one hand at canon and inviting everyone to just read the entirety of this stupid blog while looking smugly satisfied with myself.

It’s about love. The whole story is, was, and always will be about love. And not just destiel, but the whole damn show. The character of Dean Winchester, for all the jokes about being emotionally constipated, is essentially the embodiment of selfless love and has been since the start of the show. But because of the story itself, he had to become hardened to it, to accept that it wasn’t something he could have for himself if he lived the life he did. And yet he never let that destroy him, despite now understanding that that’s exactly what Chuck spent the last 15 years (and really the entirety of Dean’s life) attempting to do-- to break him for the sake of the story.

Cas’s confession in 15.18 wasn’t just about how Cas loves Dean, but why. Cas, the only version of Castiel in any of Chuck’s infinite universes who broke free of Heaven’s command, did so because of the love he saw in this selfless but self-hating man. Years of crack posts about Dean breaking angels cannot even begin to touch how deep this goes.

One line in Cas’s monologue about Dean thinking of himself as “daddy’s blunt instrument” was a line from season THREE, before Cas ever even MET Dean Winchester and began to know him. It was a phrase that had never been spoken aloud in reality. It happened literally inside Dean’s dream, where he knew he was doomed to go to hell and was confronted by the demon version of himself. Dean said this line TO HIMSELF, IN A DREAM, TWELVE SEASONS AGO. And then yelled down that demon-dream version of himself with this:

DREAM DEAN: Dad knew who you really were. A good soldier and nothing else. Daddy's blunt little instrument. Your own father didn't care whether you lived or died. Why should you?

DEAN: Son of a bitch!

DEAN pushes DREAM DEAN hard, knocking him into the wall above the desk.

DEAN: (screaming angrily) My father was an obsessed bastard!

DREAM DEAN tries to get up and DEAN kicks him down on the desk again. DEAN holds the weapon as a bat and hits DREAM DEAN once and then pins him to the wall with it.

DEAN: All that crap he dumped on me, about protecting Sam! That was his crap. He's the one who couldn't protect his family. He-

DEAN steps back and swings the weapon again, hitting DREAM DEAN twice.

DEAN: He's the one who let Mom die. who wasn't there for Sam. I always was! He wasn't fair! I didn't deserve what he put on me. And I don't deserve to go to Hell!

DEAN shoots DREAM DEAN twice in the chest. As he lowers the weapon and looking at DREAM DEAN, we see the latter is dead. Blood is splattered on DREAM DEAN's face and his eyes are closed.

--

And then after that, spoiler alert, he went to hell and Cas pulled him out.

Dean: Right. And why would an angel rescue me from Hell?  Castiel: Good things do happen, Dean. Dean: Not in my experience. Castiel: What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved?

It took him YEARS to truly get past this. He didn’t really get to confront his own father until season 14, in a sort of “It’s A Wonderful Life” sort of episode where he could see what his life might’ve been like if things had turned out differently. And oh, Cas isn’t in his life. But he gets to confront John with his own self-acceptance, his own confidence in the life he’s made for himself and the people (including Cas) who have become his family. He gets to hear from John that he never wanted that life for Dean, and Dean gets to say, well I would choose this life anyway.

Until Chuck’s revelation pulled that rug out from under him. Dean had been-- if not deliriously happy, at least content with his life. Because it was HIS. And then he found out it wasn’t, that Chuck had always been writing the broad strokes of his life, had always been the one throwing catastrophe after apocalypse after cosmic crisis directly in his path because he wanted to watch Dean struggle to save the world yet again, and finally give him the ending to the story that Chuck wanted-- a broken and devastated Dean who’d sacrificed everything for the story yet again. And suddenly NOTHING about anything made sense to Dean anymore, and even Cas showing up in his life and then weirdly sticking around all these years was suspect to him. He trusted nothing, not his choices or his feelings or his own happiness.

But now? We know (and Dean knows) that Cas was one thing Chuck just couldn’t control. That he was never supposed to think for himself and rebel and fall in love with Dean. And Dean knows that too. He knows all of it. And ALL of that just went wooshing through Dean’s central processing unit in the span of two minutes and came up error messages, because it was too late now and Cas was gone again, and there might not be any getting him back this time.

So unless Dabb era has been entirely about destroying everything that was ever good about this show, and about their own storytelling, and the metanarrative and the subtext and the character arcs, making Dean and Cas’s relationship the main emotional arc of the entire season demands that Dean get a chance to answer to this.

If love is truly the ultimate weapon of their salvation, as the show has been screaming since s11, then Dean gets to keep Cas. Because anything less is failure at this point.

I’m sorry I haven’t been replying to many people in my inbox, but honestly I’m too tired to deal with anxiety over how the story will end. I only care about the story, and I’ve written more about it in the last howeverlong I’ve been at this than I can possibly reiterate before the next episode airs. All I can do is point and gawp at the fact that the story is what I have always thought it was, and be content.

Revenge of the Subtext, indeed.

[astaroth1357]

The Demon Brothers (Minus Asmo) at Their Worst  Pt. 1 (Lucifer, Mammon, Levi)

To the anons who gave me this idea, here it is. Unfortunately, I can’t say I’m all that happy to bring it to you, cause yikes this hurt to write. I’m grateful, however, because I believe I’m better for it. You shouldn’t always stay in your comfort zone. I left out Asmodeus for personal reasons. Regardless of my ability, given the nature of this challenge, I don’t feel comfortable with writing nor posting graphic content of sexual violence and chose to refrain from doing so. Please do not ask for this to be written at a later date, I will politely refuse then as I am now.

Check out the Masterlist for more.

Warnings: THEIR SINS HAVE BEEN TAKEN TO AN EXTREME (AND ALL THAT IMPLIES), Abusive/Controlling Relationships, Violence, Threat of Human Trafficking, Drowning, Angst, Regret, Suicidal Thoughts

This is all for the purposes of fantasy and in no way an endorsement for these behaviors in real life. Be nice (and smart) with your lives, my friends.

Intro: Maybe the MC should have known better. It should have sunk in a long time ago that they were in incredibly risky territory... They should have remembered that these men, though they call them friends, family, and perhaps even lovers, are still demons at their heart and core. Each of them are the embodiment of some of the worst behaviors man has to offer... MC, there are some people you just shouldn’t date, even if they love you, and now you suffer the consequences...

Lucifer

It’s not difficult to see how Pride can go awry. Self-confidence and dignity are wonderful things, but let them build up unchecked and all manner of petty, vindictive behavior can surface from within a person... 

Lucifer is far from immune to these flare ups. In fact, he falls victim to them so often that they may as well be ingrained in his personality. If you do anything that mocks or belittles him, even if it’s small, you’ll get a reaction. One that’s usually more severe than offense calls for...

The MC knew this going into a relationship with him. Supposedly, they knew all the no-go zones, too. Don’t make fun of him or Diavolo, don’t mention the Fall or his back, don’t call him a nag... That sort of thing.

What they hadn’t expected was the full brunt of the expectations suddenly leveled on them.

To say Lucifer was demanding would be an understatement. Everything about him had to be poised, powerful, collected, and perfect. Whether he realized it or not, these expectations bled into their relationship as well.

It started with him nitpicking little details... The way they stood, how they styled their hair, maybe a comment or two on what they ate. But it progressively got worse...

Suddenly he found problems with the way they dressed, what they listened to, what shows they watched, even how they greeted him in the mornings!

Before too long, nothing was right to him… Nothing was good enough. They were his other half, his biggest vulnerability, and in order for him to feel secure about that they had to be perfect… However Lucifer defined it.

They listened to him at first. Though his comments stung, he could be so loving too… He truly made them feel special. Like he wouldn’t be trying so hard if it were anyone but them...

But pretty words and kind actions could only go so far. They couldn’t completely erase the vitriol being tossed at them day after day… 

Slowly, with every little change, they could feel themselves start to dwindle… The choices they made felt foreign, the lifestyle they held became draining, and then one day they realized they didn’t even look right anymore… They were no longer the person they wanted to be. 

Lucifer was doing what he set out to do: train them, break them, then mold them into something new... So they could be perfect...

Just like him.

One day, however, they just couldn’t take being the person he wanted anymore...

He found them in their bedroom just before a party that Diavolo had been planning for weeks. Their hair wasn’t fixed and their clothes were a mess. His frustration nearly skyrocketed until he saw their face, vacant and broken, staring blankly straight ahead…

He couldn’t rouse them. They wouldn’t move no matter how much he shouted, threatened, or swore...

….they didn’t even budge when he begged…

His brothers eventually noticed something amiss and took them away. Their disgust with him was fairly evident… They probably would have tried something had he not been the strongest.

He had taken something wonderful and squashed it... Hurt someone he truly loved and ruined what they could have had to protect his damn ego…

Lilith, his brothers, and Satan especially… was everyone he tried to care for just bound to end up broken too…?

The MC’s recovery was slow. They had a lot of damage to repair and a whole new identity to build. He stayed out of it as much as he could, burying himself in work and seeing his brothers less and less...

He’d done enough damage to them anyway...

Mammon

The Greedy, Scummy Second-Born… Words to etch on his tombstone. Mammon had heard it all before from all angles: the demons above him, below him, hell even a passersby on the street would know his face and his laundry list of a rap sheet...

The one person who seemed to look past all that was MC.

He truly didn’t know what sort of karma he’d gained or luck he scored to have them in his life. They didn’t just see him at his best side, they made him want to fix his worst...

But that’s easier said than done, isn’t it?

The sad truth is Mammon is a gambler at heart. Oh he loves the money, the riches, fine things, and the bling but what else does he enjoy? The rush.

There’s nothing like that feeling of triumphant when the dice falls your way or the pure exhilaration of a close bet. When all cards are on the table and everything’s stacked against you, eking out that win can cause a head-rush better than any orgasm he’s ever had... The higher the stakes? The better the high.

But maybe he went a little too far…

It’s one thing to bet Grimm, he can make more of that in a night. It’s another to bet items, harder to replace but not impossible. People…? Well. If you want high stakes…

MC was actually with him that night when he made the “great” decision to bet his most valuable treasure on poker match. He was running out of Grimm and thought that the added risk would make him play better…

He thought wrong.

MC hadn’t been at the table at the time he made the deal, but they had come back just in time to see him get his ass handed to him. He lost. Spectacularly.

When the other demons there came over to encircle MC, it already felt like his world was crumbling down around him... The look of confusion, then hurt and betrayal in their eyes forever seared themselves into his memory.

“You bet me in a poker game?!”

It sounds almost comical, but he knew what the demons were planning to do to them wasn't. And just seeing the way his human’s wrist snapped when one of the men wrenched their arm from them confirmed it.

He wouldn’t let them get away with that. When the threats escalated to violence, he took his share of punches but in the end he was left standing.

The MC was furious. He had just whittled their entire existence down to a bargaining chip and one that he tossed away carelessly…

Yeah, he’s truly a scumbag, isn’t he?

They didn’t talk to him for quite a while, despite him begging for forgiveness. There was always a part of him that wondered why he even bothered… He had done it before, and in another gambling-induced high he would probably do it again…

They’d honestly be better off without him...

Leviathan

It’s, frankly, quite difficult to be the Avatar of Envy. Every day Levi feels uncomfortable in his own skin�� Like he doesn’t measure up to this or that or like he’s not worthy of being in the meager position afforded to him. He preferred to hide himself away and try not to dwell on it… but then MC came along…

For once, he felt like he had something. Something truly special. Something one of a kind and like no other… He couldn’t point to any of his brothers and say that they had something better, hell, he couldn’t even point to Diavolo and say that he had a finer version.

No. He had them. The one, the only, MC. Better than all the rest. His only great accomplishment in his miserable, pathetic life...

… so why did they keep leaving him…?

It didn’t hurt that badly at first when they’d tell him they couldn’t go watch some new anime with him because they had other plans. Sometimes they’d go off shopping with Mammon or have lunch with Beel… That was fine. Understandable.

At least that’s what he’d tell himself.

After a while though, he started to feel lonely… rejected… Was he not good enough for them? Surely that had to be it, right?? A miserable shut-in otaku with someone like them? What a joke!

Any time he’d voice his insecurities, they’d always say the same things: “No, don’t be silly!” “I really do want to be with you.” “I love you, Levi. Don’t you believe me?”

No. He didn’t. With each passing hour spent away from him, time where he would get shafted for one of his brothers instead, he believed them less and less…

Soon all he heard was lies…

Something possessed him that day. MC had just missed their third live stream in a row in order to be with his brothers instead. Which one was it? It didn’t really matter. He felt the stinging pain of isolation all the same…

When the MC walked into his room they had no way of knowing that the festering hatred and inadequacy that had been stewing in him for months was about to spill over. His anger was so quick to spark and their human body too weak to resist...

It was only once he realized how long he had their head forced under the water of his aquarium that he finally let them up for air.

He was stepping over himself to apologize, stammering incoherently through his tears how he just lost control and didn’t know what came over him!

His brothers weren’t forgiving. Not in the slightest. Each of them seemed to want to beat him within an inch of his life and he didn’t blame them… If he could get away with it, he’d march himself into the sea and let it serve as his rightful prison…

His punishments were severe, but not unending, and soon he was back in his room again. Now he never leaves it and the MC is never allowed back in, even if they want to be.

He now, truly, doesn’t deserve them at all...

Link to Part Two: Satan, Beel, Belphie

[saintobio]

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

love, always. (5)

↳ oikawa tooru x f!reader

description: 3 years since the accident and you’ve regained most of your memories back, but there’s still one missing puzzle piece that only your boyfriend’s best friend can complete. the question is, will you let him?

genre: angst, past lovers, amnesia

warnings: mentions of alcohol/intoxication

a/n: it’s oikawa simp hours for me hhhh hope u guys enjoy this one.

masterlist

flashback - wedding reception

At some point, you could tell that most people have probably gotten sick of you and your boyfriend looking at each other like there was no tomorrow.

How could you help it, though?

He just looked so damn handsome in a suit and tie with his silver specs on. He truly embodied the word ‘sophisticated’ like it was made for him. Also adding the fact that he turned heads wherever he went and it was mostly girls your age who would send him lingering looks. Honestly, if you had the chance, you wanted to keep him all for yourself.

He, on the other hand, was claiming how you were the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen in his life and that he was happy to show you off.

Ridiculous, but sweet. You knew he only said that so you wouldn’t get jealous of the attention he was receiving from the other girls.

“This love has taken its toll on me,” he mouthed the lyrics to Love This by Maroon 5 as you two grooved to the booming music on the dance floor.

“She said goodbye,” you sang along, swaying your hips to the beat. “Too many times before!”

He twirled you around while you laughed, almost tripping from your heels until he gracefully caught you.

“Her heart is breaking in front of me,” he continued singing, pressing your foreheads together with a grin.

You two didn’t care about anything and anyone else—it was like you had the world to yourselves and everyone else were just mere background. In the first place, you believed other things didn’t matter as long as you had Tooru around. The guy always brought out the best in you and you wanted no one else in this whole vast universe but him.

Through the night, the newlywed couple later found themselves dancing next to you.

“Aww,” your sister, Karina, nudged you teasingly. Her husband Kenji was holding her by the waist. “You guys make me think you got married instead of us.”

Tooru sent you a flirty wink. “Maybe soon.”

You let out a giggle. “Propose to me first!”

“Ooh. You heard her,” Kenji encouraged, patting your boyfriend’s back.

Oikawa puffed out his cheeks and exhaled. “Jeez, the pressure is on.”

His expression made you squeeze his cheeks like a baby. You absolutely adored his humor and just how easily he could get along with anyone. It was no surprise to see why people seem to be fond of him easily, despite you initially disliking him, because Tooru was actually a very fun guy the more you get to know him. Everyone always found a way to like this man.

Well, except your dad.

Which reminded you of something so you suddenly turned to Karina. “Did dad even reconcile with Kenji prior to the wedding?”

Kenji gave you a reassuring smile. “We did talk a little. He‘s becoming a lot nicer these days.”

“Oh, that’s good, I guess.” You sighed in relief.

The reason for you asking was because Karina got pregnant straight out of college which obviously infuriated your father because he insisted that she wasted her pre-law degree only to end up as a housewife.

The only thing that put him at ease was the fact that Kenji also came from a family of lawyers so he considered that they would be ‘useful’ in the future.

But basically, this was still a shotgun wedding before Karina’s pregnant belly becomes more evident because your precious daddy couldn’t let her eldest daughter be called names by your judgmental relatives. That was Asian culture for you.

Still. For fuck’s sake, it was the 21st century. It wasn’t like she was underaged—she was a woman in her early 20’s and most people actually start settling down at her age.

“Congrats and enjoy the night guys!” Oikawa said his wishes for the newlyweds before you two excused yourselves off the dance floor.

He took your gentle hand and brought you with him to a direction you weren’t familiar with.

“Babe, where we goin’?” you inquired.

He placed a light kiss on your hand. “There’s this awesome place I want you to see.”

“Sounds exciting.”

“It’s kinda a restricted area,” he whispered, showing his infamous smirk.

You poked his cheek. “Take me.”

It turned out that the ‘awesome place’ as labeled by Tooru Oikawa was up the rooftop where you could see the gorgeous Matsushima Bay. Of course, you couldn’t see much at night but you could see the bay through the faint lights from the area that surrounded it.

“What a view!” you squeled in utter delight, racing towards the edge of the rooftop. “What’s with you and water?”

“Turquoise is my color for a reason.”

Soon after, he wrapped his arms around your waist while planting a loving kiss on your temple. The night was cold but you felt warm from his touch.

Nothing else was going through your head except the thought of your boyfriend. You were literally head empty, just full of thoughts of this guy. Just the thought of a future with him, you, and the life ahead of you two.

There were so many paths to take for the ‘future’, but you were certain that you were going to be in the path that leads to him.

“I really think we could do it,” you spoke your thoughts, tilting your face towards him. “Like, we can just runaway together.”

His gaze met yours. “What do you mean?”

You turned around to look at his face better. “I don’t have to go to law school. I just wanna be with you. We can start a new life after we graduate next month and just figure it out together.”

“Babe.” He gently ran his thumb over your cheek. “Love those very realistic ideas. Keep them coming.”

You retaliated with a playful punch on his shoulder. “I’m serious!”

“Aah—I know, baby. Go on.”

“So, like, we can get married and... shit, I don’t know. Be spontaneous and free,” you explained in growing excitement. “It’s amazing how you introduced me to this kind of life, you know? I learned to appreciate how fun it is to actually just live free and to just do what I want without anyone telling me this and that. I don’t feel suffocated when I’m with you.”

Tooru had a hesitant look on his face but still seemed like he was seriously reconsidering it. “I haven’t figured out what I’m gonna do after high school.”

“Exactly,” you agreed. “But, baby, we can figure it out together! Just you and me. Maybe you’ll continue playing volleyball and I swear to the heavens that I’ll be there to support you.”

He sighed, pulling you closer, eyes gleaming under the moonlight as he stared at you. “You really, truly, from the bottom of your heart, think we can do it?”

You nodded without a hint of reluctance. “Yes. I trust my life with you.”

The smile on his face was priceless and it was a smile you couldn’t ever forget, like a clear photograph from your memory that would stay with you until the day you die. He showed you how ecstatic he was to hear those sincere words from you because never did he think that he would have someone that would trust their life with him.

“I’m glad you think that.”

In a haste move, he pulled you for a soft yet passionate kiss that gave you the feeling of love and content.

“Let’s do it,” he said as he pulled away.

You were about to squeal out of joy until a stranger’s voice interrupted your sweet moment.

“Hey! This is a restricted area!”

You both turned to see the caretaker lighting his flashlight in your direction.

“Oh, shit.”

“Oops,” you mumbled. Since the situation called for an urgent retreat, Tooru grabbed your hand and got you both to escape the old man’s line of sight.

You two ran and ran and ran—laughing and filling yourselves with the adrenaline rush until you made it back to the pathway leading to the reception hall.

And by surprise, you halted to a sudden stop the exact moment your father appeared in front of you.

You swiftly fixed your hair and flattened the crease on your dress while you tried to catch your breath. You didn’t miss your father’s scrutinizing gaze—from the messy lipstick on your mouth to the red tint on Tooru’s lips.

“Dad,” you quietly spoke.

Oikawa politely bowed at him.

Your father kept his sanity intact by drinking from the glass of scotch on his hand while fixing a cold stare towards your boyfriend. “It seems that you’re always finding a way to mess around, making my daughter run around like a fool to accompany you with your childish antics. You know I’m gonna have to ground her if she keeps seeing a stupid boy like you.”

“Dad!” you hissed. You were taken aback, unable to believe he was saying all that.

However, Tooru simply returned a courteous smile. “No disrespect, sir, I know nothing about parenting 101 but it looks like you don’t even know your daughter enough.”

Your dad put down his glass and narrowed his stare at your boyfriend. “You have guts, I tell you that. You’re too proud for a guy who hasn’t figured out his pathetic life. What future can you even give her with all that worthless pride?”

“Unfortunately, the future isn’t something we can easily predict.” He looked at your father, unfazed. “But even if the future is unpredictable, I’ll try my very best to make her feel like she won at life for choosing me. So... don’t ever forget my worthless pride.”

Your father kept his menacing stare at him while you squeezed Tooru’s hand in appreciation. It was amazing how he could keep a brave face on and defend himself in front of a man who worked for one of the largest law firms in Japan.

“I’m sending her to America,” your dad announced. “She’s going to study law and—”

“I’m not going to America, dad!” you protested through heavy breathing.

Tooru intertwined your hands tightly. “You can send her wherever you want. That’s out of my control.” He looked at your confused eyes with his own assurance. “But you can’t stop me from following her, right?”

You were left in daze at his words.

It was his way of declaring that he would never give you up because nothing could ever break you two apart. Not even your dad, your mom, or even God himself.

In his world and in yours, only the two of you mattered and you feared that you liked that idea way more than you should.

———————————————————————

You never expected that the beach would be Oikawa’s choice for the group’s weekend getaway. Because it was his birthday, he decided to hold his celebration by renting a beach house with his closest friends from high school.

There wasn’t a lot of ‘close friends’—just the addition of Matsukawa and Hanamaki aside from you and Iwa (and of course, Mina).

Those four guys have spent their high school life playing in the same team so they were very much familiar with each other’s personalities. Sadly, you didn’t remember much of your memories with Mattsun and Makki but you did recall going to school with them.

“If I had the chance to erase my memories, I’d wish I didn’t remember Oikawa too,” Hanamaki claimed as he sat on a folding chair.

Oikawa was fast to kick him. “Makki! Can you shut up for a second?”

You suppressed a chuckle, situating yourself on the beach towel that you’ve neatly placed on the sand.

Hanamaki didn’t argue back for the birthday boy’s sake. Instead, he relaxed on his seat while putting his sunglasses on.

“I’m gonna go get a drink, anyone want one?” Tooru asked and soon gained lots of yes-es from the two guys.

“I want beer,” Matsukawa requested which was followed by Makki’s “Me, too.”

“Fuck this. Am I your servant?”

Still, Oikawa left the beach side and headed back to the house to get whatever refreshment he could get. He happened to have met with Iwa on the way back who spoke a few words with him before your boyfriend made his way to you.

“Hey, sexy. Are you gonna swim?” Iwaizumi asked, taking off his shirt and placing it next to you. You could tell he was looking forward to go and take a nice dip at the ocean.

You nodded, adjusting your bikini top. “Yeah, probably in a bit. I think I left my sunscreen at our room.”

“Want me to get it?” he kindly offered.

To which you rejected. “No, it’s fine. I’ll get it,” you said, getting up to leave. “You can go swim first, babe.”

“Alright, come back quick.”

Mattsun then came to drag Iwa with him. “It’s time to swim Cali boy. She’s not gonna leave.”

You smiled at the two before heading your way back to the beach house.

The first thing you saw when you reached the place was Oikawa rummaging through the chest fridge. He didn’t seem to have noticed you because he kept humming to this familiar melody.

It's not over tonight

Just give me one more chance to make it right

I may not make it through the night

I won't go home without you

Your heart raced.

“You love Maroon 5,” you spoke your thoughts.

He turned to look at you. “Hm?”

“You love Maroon 5,” it sounded like a statement more than a question. “I-I don’t know but something tells me you like them...”

He stood straight with wide eyes. “I do.”

You honestly thought Oikawa becoming suddenly distant the other day was just because of his bad mood but he looked like he was still contemplating about talking to you.

The odd thing was, you wondered why it bothered you so much.

“Tooru,” you called for his attention. “Are you avoiding me?”

He got out his trance and gave you a casual but insincere smile. “Why would I?”

“I don’t know. You just seem so—” you trailed off when his eyes landed on your gold necklace.

His gaze lingered on it. “That looks nice,” he commented.

Your fingers clutched the infinity charm. “Oh, I found this in my old jewelry box. I don’t know where I got it but it’s really beautiful.”

“Maybe someone gave it to you?” he casually asked, turning around so you couldn’t see his face anymore.

However, you were distracted by the muscles on his back that he was unknowingly flexing. God forbid your thoughts because you found him really sexy.

You shrugged, shaking your unacceptable thoughts away. “I guess so. I wish I remember.”

“Hey!” Mina came skipping out of the room in her cute pink bikini. “Were you guys waiting for me?”

Her sudden appearance made you avert your eyes away from Tooru at the same time he cleared his throat and did the same.

“I was actually just about to get my sunscreen,” you explained, suddenly panicking because you weren’t planning to stay that long.

She beamed at you while waving her sunscreen. “Oh, don’t worry I have one you can use.”

“Right.”

In an instant, Mina looped her arm around yours and pulled you towards the beach as Tooru followed behind.

All the while, Tooru kept exchanging glances with you every now and then—even after you’ve reunited with the rest of the guys, even when your boyfriend held you in his arms, even when Mina was sitting on his lap—his eyes always seemed to find a way to return back to you.

———————————————————————

The rest of the day went well. You guys enjoyed basking in the afternoon sun with all the swimming and sunbathing and at one point, the guys threw the birthday boy to the ocean while he was screaming like a child.

You also had a few chitchat with Mina who told you stories of her life in Argentina and how she was actually a teacher for a Japanese school there. She happened to have met Oikawa because they practically lived next to each other and he would often greet her.

When nighttime came, the guys decided to drown themselves in alcohol and play a few rounds of truth and dare so you all formed a circle at the patio with a bottle spinning in the middle.

The very lucky person who was up to take the first challenge was, surprisingly, your boyfriend.

“Hajime, truth or dare,” Makki asked, urging your boyfriend to drink from his red cup. They’ve already drank a couple of drinks prior to the game so you knew that they were already tipsy. You and Mina have decided to stay sober in case everything becomes a mess after this night.

Iwa took the shot before instinctively placing a hand on your thigh. “Dare.”

“Iwa-chan, I dare you to say I’m the most handsome guy you’ve ever met.” Oikawa grinned at him in mischief. He was seated right across you so could see his face clearly.

“You’re so shitty,” Iwaizumi mumbled. “Oikawa is the most handsome guy I’ve ever met.”

“Iwa-chan!” Tooru was jokingly reaching to hug your boyfriend who then rejected his advances. Their love-hate friendship was honestly just so quirky and adorable.

Mattsun snorted at Oikawa. “You really are a simpleton.”

The next bottle ended up with Makki who was dared by Oikawa to take off all of his clothes and keep his boxers on. Makki was claiming that he never would have done it without Tooru’s birthday privilege.

For the third spin, Mattsun picked truth and Oikawa was mocking the guy for being a ‘pussy’.

“I choose truth ‘cause I never lie,” Mattsun told him.

Oikawa sipped from his cup. “Fine. Crucial question: do you look at your shit before you flush it?”

“Fuck you.”

You were laughing the whole time because the game was becoming more and more ridiculous—well, until the next bottle ended up on you.

“I’ll take the shot. She can’t drink,” Iwa insisted, grabbing the cup from you and drinking all of the vodka mix on your behalf.

Even if you chose not to drink, you could still play. “I’ll choose dare.”

Weirdly, everyone turned to Oikawa to call the dare and he was caught off guard, obviously unprepared to think of a dare for you.

“I don’t know...” Tooru scratched the back of his head and Mina was nudging him to think quickly. His eyes found its way back to you with a careful but longing gaze. “I dare you to—”

He didn’t get the chance to continue because Makki suddenly threw up on the floor.

———————————————————————

As expected, you and Mina took care of the cleaning because the guys did make a mess. After Makki’s vomiting moment, the three other guys continued drinking until they all ended up too intoxicated to function.

“I’ll take him to bed,” you told Mina, getting a drunk Iwa to hold on to your shoulder. “He’s never had this much alcohol before.”

Mina quickly nodded. “Sure, you guys need to rest. I’ll also head to bed soon after cleaning this up.”

You turned around to look for Oikawa who seemed to be dragging Mattsun and Makki to their rooms.

“Makki, get your hands off me!” You heard Oikawa complain from a distance causing you to chuckle lightly.

Although you struggled to take Hajime to your room, you still thankfully managed to get him to lay in bed. His body was sprawled on the mattress and you took a moment to catch your breath while you sat at the edge of the bed.

“Jesus,” you muttered, exhaling a heavy breath. “You’re so heavy, you know?”

You caressed his cheek but he was barely sober to even respond. You soon tried to unbutton his shirt so he could sleep comfortably, however he caught your wrist.

“B-Babe... I-I can’t have sex right now.”

You kept yourself from laughing. “Dumbass, I’m just unbuttoning your shirt so you can breathe.”

It was hard labor, but you eventually got him to undress and he later stirred from his position so he could lay on his stomach.

“Hey...” he slurred, eyes barely open.

There was a loving smile on your face as you ran your fingers through his hair. “Yes?”

“Do you... Do you see the way Oikawa looks at you?” He let out a painful laugh. “And... The way you look at h-him... I’ve seen it before...”

The smile on your face quickly faded.

“Hajime, don’t say stupid things,” you responded in hard refusal.

“It’s not stupid... Y-You know who’s stupid?” he blabbered. “Me! Heh... I’m fucking stupid.”

You didn’t know where this was coming from but thinking about it was giving you a multitude of emotions at once. These emotions felt like waves of overwhelming feelings with no certain direction. You wished you could ask what he meant but you were starting to feel some pain on your head and you knew it was best not to stress yourself.

“Go to sleep,” you said, kissing him softly on the cheek and pulling the covers over him. “I’ll just get some water.”

The lights were already turned off when you headed to the kitchen but you didn’t bother opening them because you were busy rubbing the back of your head to ease the pain. The last time you had this much pain was during one of your early therapy sessions where you had to undergo a series of mental assessments.

With a loud exhausted sigh, you went to open the fridge and get yourself a bottle of water.

“Everything okay?”

You jumped out of surprise to see Oikawa’s figure looming behind you.

“H-Hey,” you exhaled a nervous laugh. “You scared me.”

He also grabbed a bottle of water from behind, chugging the liquid while keeping an eye on you.

“You don’t look okay,” he noted. “Are you in pain?”

You shook your head and walked towards the kitchen counter. “I’m fine. It’s probably from carrying Iwa.”

Just like the guys, Tooru had a few drinks too and yet he was looking pretty sober right now. Probably tipsy, but he was still thinking straight.

Though when he moved closer to you, you started to feel anxious. The proximity between you and him was causing your heart to accelerate as if it was going to burst.

You remembered Iwa’s words just a few minutes ago when he pointed out how Oikawa looked at you. It must have been bad that your boyfriend pointed out the way you and his best friend were looking at each other like there was a deep connection going on.

“Tooru, you should probably—”

Another sharp pain on your head caused you to wince.

“Shit, you’re not okay,” he said, reaching to place a hand on your head. “How painful is it?”

You swallowed hard upon realizing that he was now standing just a few inches from you. Despite the pain on your head, his distracting presence made it lessen a bit.

“Here?” he asked, rubbing the back of your head.

You simply nodded, eyes once again never leaving each other. There must be some kind of explanation to the intense emotions you were feeling for him right now.

Because you couldn’t seem to think properly.

All you knew was that you were feeling attached to a guy you shared no old memories with.

“Tooru...”

His face was so close that you could smell his minty breath. He was taking a good look on your face while getting drowned in his own abyss of thoughts. At that moment, you wished you had the ability to read minds because you wanted to explore his deepest thoughts.

“Mm?”

“This isn’t right.”

“I know.”

The hand that was rubbing your head was now on your cheek, gently caressing you.

Both of you were breathing heavily.

Then he had his forehead pressed against yours and you placed a hand on his chest while forcing yourself to think straight.

But it was too late.

Because when his lips brushed against yours, you didn’t get to stop him when he fully kissed you.

Your initial reaction was to pull away and look at him with wide eyes. “Tooru, what are you doing?”

“I...” He blinked through his shiny eyes. “I can’t help it.”

Yet none of you moved away. In fact, when he kissed you again, your body started moving on its own and you were shamelessly kissing him back. You were letting him devour you with his passionate kisses like you’ve wanted it, too.

You were fully sober but his kisses were beyond intoxicating. It was full of yearning and desire and other nostalgic emotions that you couldn’t explain. His lips were soft and sweet like honey—the sound of your kissing gave you these intense butterflies.

The way his lips moved against yours made it look like you two have been doing this many times before.

This was fucking wrong.

He was your boyfriend’s best friend.

You pushed him off, “Tooru, w-we can’t.”

As you were looking at him with eyes full of regret, you caught sight of another figure standing from the corner who looked at you two with great inexplicable pain.

“Mina...”

[smoothie-sailing]

The freedom we give to ourselves

How does one find freedom in a cruel and cynical world? What does freedom even mean? What would it feel like? How will we know when we see it? These have been recurring questions throughout this story. We seem to explore attempts at the answer to this question through the perspective of characters.

Kenny Ackerman’s life in pursuit of power led him to realise a truth about himself and the people around him. this idea of being drunk on something. That People need something to believe in to keep them going, to keep them from being broken by life’s suffering. Something that they hope gives each of their lives meaning. Each character’s pursuit towards this idea is what they believe will give them freedom from suffering.

Zeke was no exception to this, he sees the suffering he experienced as a suffering inherent in being an Eldian in this world. He was drunk on the idea that his and the collective suffering would stop if Eldians ceased to exist.

Despite this proposition, Zeke was able to find true freedom not by pursuing his personal mission through to the end but by letting it go. This push to move forward: to explain himself, his life, his suffering. It has brought him only more dissatisfaction and pain. He kept moving forward and when Eren took power from Ymir he was just sitting inert in Paths. It is not until his conversation with Armin that he truly looks back and reflects. Armin talks about a time where he was just having an aimless moment shared between loved ones. Zeke looks within and finds himself playing catch with Xaver. It has no meaning but it is a moment in his life where he’s not suffering but nor is he striving to push forward with some grand purpose. He is simply… existing. Without complication. Without justification. He is just someone who exists in this world because he was born into it. A simple moment with a profound effect: that life has intrinsic value and purpose regardless of how cruel it may seem. Zeke has now found that peace he was looking for his entire life. That feeling stays with him right up to the moments of his death. He can’t take back all the blood he has shed but for a few moments to take in the clear sky of the day. He can just exist.

There has been an exhaustive debate in and out of the story of who or what the true devil of humanity is supposed to be. The devil of all earth that plagues humanity. I don’t believe it is Eren but I do believe he is the person in the story most seduced by it. I put forward that the devil of humanity isn’t a person born once in a generation, it is not a creature or some sort of supernatural force. The devil of humanity is the cycle of violence itself. A tiny glimmer of light or fear of the dark that pushes us into war, into chaos, into hell.

We may believe we see something beyond it. Something we can gain or something we fear will be taken from us if we don’t answer the call: “Do this and your dream will come true, you will be safe, you will be loved, the pain will stop” Just once. Then once again. Then once more. Before you know it, you are gripping the wheel of a sinking ship so heavy you have no hope of turning it on your own. But that may be the very thing that can stop it. Hope. The hope you give yourself in small acts of faith. Kindness. Compassion. Empathy. Seeing beyond the walls that trap your spirit. Not to seek out freedom taken from you but to reconnect with the freedom you always had that never left, your humanity.

If this is Isayama’s message, that freedom is in finding one’s humanity. One finds freedom by reconnecting with their humanity. I put forward that the most free person in this story has been Mr Blouse, Sasha’s father.

Mr Blouse is the person in the story most consistently connected to his own humanity and humanity as a collective whole. He makes it a principle to stay connected to it. So much so that when given a justifiable choice to take revenge on Gabi for killing his daughter. He instead chose to forgive her and console both her and Niccolo showing her the most humane act she had ever received. She did not have to justify her existence as a good Eldian in that moment, she was accepted as another person who deserved to exist even if she’d made mistakes.

From Gabi’s experience and perspective, nothing made more sense than Mr Blouse killing her for what she did. What he decided to do was so simple yet its impact was profound. He reached Gabi because he saw something real beyond answering hate with hate. He sees a precious freedom beyond this cycle, and now thanks to what he did Gabi can see beyond it too and was able to find her humanity.

How does this relate to the main character of the story, Eren. Eren’s case is a very tragic one. No one is more emotionally attached to the idea of freedom than Eren, it has a specific imprint within his psyche. However there also lies the imprint of the wall within his psyche and all the trauma associated with it. From an early age Eren, at his most traumatised, found a resolve to find freedom from this horrific nightmare by destroying those who took his freedom from him at any cost. But in finding this resolve and trusting it above anything else, he had unknowingly damned himself.

The wall is so strongly associated with trauma in Eren’s mind, and now with the release of the wall titans, he is literally weaponizing his trauma and aiming it at the rest of the world. Yams is establishing that humanity is the only real freedom we have and Eren had always expected freedom to be beyond the walls. However, because of Eren’s compounded trauma, humanity is the ultimate enemy. In sacrificing his humanity and wiping all of it from the outside world, he is destroying the freedom he wanted for himself and for everyone in the world.

This happens all in the basement of his old home in Shiganshina. Eren was on the cusp of moving beyond his trauma when suddenly all of that pain, all of those triggers were reformatted, given new context when he learned the truth of his world. Why all of this pain and suffering happened to him. Once he met the formative father of his new world rebirth – Eren Kruger.

Eren has found stability in this turmoil by latching onto Kruger’s mindset, believing Kruger to embody what he needs to be to save those he cares about. In this new large and scary world, Eren sees Kruger as the person he will have to be to exist, to make a change. Eren has assimilated Kruger into his identity, evident from Eren taking Kruger’s name during his time spent in Marley. In how we are introduced to him post time skip, Eren is pursuing action using Kruger’s words to young Grisha about the Zeppelin.

Freedom is hard fought and after fighting tooth and nail and suffering and pushing as hard as he can, he will have his freedom.

Culminating in the Jaeger trio at the Reiss family cave, we finally see how far Eren’s resolve has pushed him. Eren is not the devil but he is the one most seduced by it (pushing forward the cycle of violence). He tells Grisha to do this to justify his own belief that this was necessary. To sacrifice his humanity, the humanity he managed to find in the walls after a life of pain and anger as soldier of revolutionary radicalism. For Eren, sacrificing one’s humanity is what is necessary. But Eren misunderstood what he was supposed to take away from Kruger’s life.

There is an additional meaning behind Kruger’s final words to Grisha – in sacrificing his humanity to get to this point, he has lost everything precious to him. All that exists is the end goal, the zeppelin. Seeing the zeppelin is… all there is. It won’t give you back what you lost or what you have told yourself you need to take back: aka your humanity. Eren’s “sight” is the zeppelin and he believes seeing it will give him back the freedom taken from him. It’s no coincidence that Grisha looks like Eren when he reflects on the day that traumatised him the most.

We see Kruger talking to Grisha further after he is given his mission. As Kruger prepares the serum for Grisha he mentions that he won’t know who will be watching this memory. If we take the ironic nature of this story into consideration, this can also mean that he doesn’t know if whomever is watching these memories will stop watching before he is about to say what he says. It takes place at the end of the chapter after we see Eren finding his new resolve and coming to grips with what he has learned and what he needs to do.  This may be implying that this further discussion between Kruger and Grisha is something that Eren didn’t actually see. Kruger’s final important message to Grisha is to love someone. Be it a wife, a friend, the people around you. In specific terms, treasure your humanity and preserve it no matter what happens. Like Mr. Blouse, treasure the humanity found in others, even in enemies who have wronged you or may wrong you. Because that is what it means to find life intrinsically valuable.  That is the only way to end this cycle of violence and ironically what Kruger has realised after losing so much of his own and now Eren in turn.

So if the path to freedom is to find one’s humanity does this mean that the cycle of violence can be wiped out and the devil of humanity will stop plaguing the world? I don’t think that’s a question Yam’s is capable of answering nor does he intend to. 

However, I think he may propose that if it is possible for the main character of the story, the one who has been the most seduced by the cycle of violence and spilled the most blood is able to give himself back his humanity after willingly sacrificing so much of it. Then there is hope for anyone of us to find true freedom. Not everyone, but anyone. Because not just knowing but realising that we are all human, and valuing that, is what makes us truly free.

[asset35-maya]

Since it's your birthday, a prompt came into my mind. "Birthday Prank" it can be any character. Anyways happy birthday again Maya :D

Yo thanks Blaire! Wasn’t initially planning to, but looks like I’m doing it. Thanks for kicking off:

MAYA’S BDAY WEEKEND ASK EVENT

Send me whatever writing requests or nosy asks you want. Go bananas, my good people.

//

\\

🎆TINA’S 30TH🎆

Tina Chen was a super lowkey kinda girl. She was definitely fun and easygoing, but to be honest, she was the kind of person who enjoyed celebrating other people’s birthdays more than her own.

Suffice to say, she didn’t expect any grand celebration for her thirtieth. Everyone said it was the big one… but to her it was just another day. Another year over. Same old, same old.

Her mother didn’t seem to think so.

Mama Chen insisted on smothering her in kisses and making an elaborate breakfast and getting all their relatives to speak to Tina over the phone. It was very unlike her family to have such overt displays of affection. Perhaps they were all getting sentimental with age.

By the time she extricated herself, she was almost an hour late for work. She wasn’t too worried though. Hank was an extremely understanding boss.

But when she arrived at the station, Tina discovered utter chaos had broken out.

Nines came running up to her anxiously.

“Where on earth have you been, T! We’ve been trying to get hold of you for ages!”

She grabbed her phone and found a long series of missed calls and angry texts from Gavin and Hank and Fowler and apparently everyone in the department.

“Shit! I didn’t get any of these!! I’m so sorry! I don’t know how! I had my ringer on-”

Nines grabbed her by the elbow and steered her into a briefing room before she could finish. There was an intricate map on the projector screen and Hank was deep in the middle of an explanation.

Gavin impatiently tugged at her to sit down and shoved the case file into her lap. She opened it guiltily. All pleasant birthday thoughts receded to the very back of her mind.

Apparently a dormant serial killer had just resurfaced. His thoroughly unique MO had been identified on a body found the night before, and the DPD had reason to believe he was active and about to strike again.

Tina’s heart raced with fear and anticipation. She paid rapt attention to Hank’s instructions and soon found herself behind the wheel of a police cruiser.

She absently noted that it was the very first one she’d driven as a rookie patrol officer. Out of sheer habit, she popped open the glove compartment to retrieve her shades.

Tina kicked herself when she remembered that she’d lost her favourite rayban aviators on a recent mission… and that it would make no sense for them to be in this car anyway… but then her fingers curled around a very familiar shape. A suede leather case.

She opened it to find shades identical to the ones she’d loved and lost. Before she could think any deeper, Gavin got into the passenger seat and barked at her to drive. Tina put the sunglasses on and floored the accelerator.

At the location, Nines and Connor had already begun scoping the building and scanning evidence. Both gave her brief but tense smiles. She’d hoped Connor would at least wish her a happy birthday, but her boyfriend was busy knocking on floorboards and looking for hidden compartments.

What had she expected? Human or android, all the men she dated had turned out to be as obtuse as her father. With a sigh, Tina got on her knees and joined him.

“What do you think made him do it again?”

“You tell me, baby. You’re the one with the criminology degree.”

Their eyes met and the warmth of his chocolate brown irises made her irritation fade away. They fell into an easy pattern of swapping hypotheses while scrubbing for evidence. The whole thing was incredibly reminiscent of the first case they’d worked together on, and fallen in love while solving.

After searching the house from top to bottom, they ended up with an impressive stack of evidence. Gifts from a secret admirer intended for a hapless victim. Jewellery, red-bottomed shoes, perfume and a lot of other trinkets that were strangely to Tina’s exact liking.

The killer’s purported next mark was a mystery woman who seemed to embody Tina’s personality entirely. A shiver went down her spine as she contemplated the idea.

Just as they were about to leave the house. Nines came hurtling down the stairs with the ultimate clue. A midnight blue dress with no back. It was draped beautifully over a wire hanger, with a note attached to it.

Gavin seized the note and read aloud the place and time indicated. That very night. At the swankiest jazz lounge in Detroit. The elusive killer would make an appearance.

After ten years spent trying to catch him in vain, the DPD would finally have a clear, undeterred shot. Tina could hardly believe it.

Gavin thrust the dress into Tina’s hands. The implication was clear.

She looked at the others. Hank shrugged. Nines smiled apologetically. Connor cocked his head to the left and arched an eyebrow, as if to say… chicken?

Officer Tina Chen was many things but that’s one thing she wasn’t.

So it came to be that on the evening of her thirtieth birthday, instead of celebrating with at least a quiet glass of wine at home, Tina was squeezing herself into an evening gown and getting ready to play killer’s bait.

She considered throwing her hands up and walking away, but then her phone buzzed with a series of messages from Captain Fowler. After showing up late to her shift, she wasn’t about to risk getting into his bad books.

Tina took a deep breath and slipped on the sparkly heels found in the house… put on the big golden hoop earrings… slipped the Swarovski chain around her neck… and spritzed the expensive perfume all over her body.

She made her way into the lounge and found a place to stand. Discreet, but obvious to anyone looking. Right at the edge of the bar. As the music began and other patrons began to dance, a false sense of calm flooded her. Tina had to sharply remind herself to focus. This was an undercover mission. A big one. The whole team was counting on her.

A drink slid towards her. A lychee daiquiri.

Simple, but quite specific. It was her personal favourite. Her eyes widened but before she could ask, the bartender pointed along the bar.

Tina’s blood turned to ice.

It was time.

She went over the mission brief again and again in her head. She revised every protocol, every bit of police scenario planning, every word of caution from her senior officers.

Tina steeled herself and turned slowly.

The man was standing closer than expected. Before she could react… either fight or flight… an arm curled around her waist and warm lips pressed against her own.

Her eyes fluttered shut and Tina sank into the familiar sensation.

“Happy birthday, baby.”

Tina opened her eyes and found herself Connor’s embrace. She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him in relief.

As she looked over his shoulder, she spotted his fellow conspirators. Nines, Gavin, Hank, Fowler, Chris, Person, Sixty, Allen, the whole damn DPD it seemed… all her childhood friends… and of course… Mama, Papa and Grandma Chen. All dressed up and smiling mischievously.

Connor swiftly manoeuvred her onto the dance floor, and so began a night to truly remember.

Tina’s thirtieth.

//

@blaireunstable

[sylvie-writes]

Evans Family Christmas

pairing: chris evans x reader ft. Dodger hehe

requests: I need all the ugly Christmas sweaters, hot cocoa, Christmas cookies, everything in my life with the avengers or with Chris and his family 🥺 -anon

2. Just imagine that you and Chris are spending your first Christmas together and you’re decorating cookies and singing Christmas songs together and dancing around the living room with the fireplace going and of course hanging a stocking for Dodger. @aubreeskailynn​

warnings: just chris being the dirty minded man that he is

word count: 2,079

author’s note: pardon any mistakes! this is also for @fangirlovestuff​‘s birthday challenge! I’m so sorry for the long wait :(

challenge prompt: 25. that couple where one cooks and the other can’t cook for shit

PART OF MY CHRISTMAS CELEBRATION (check the tag for the masterlist)

gif below was found on giphy

From your spot in the kitchen, you could hear the deep chuckle of the man you have loved for the past two years. He was currently on the phone with his mother who you assumed was inviting you both to the annual Evans’ family Christmas get together.

Chris rushed into the kitchen a giddy smile on his adorable face and fists excitedly curled into his chest like a small child. You didn’t even need to hear the words spill from his mouth to confirm your suspicions that the two of you were, in fact, going to the party.

One who cared for Chris as much as you did, could easily tell that the bright grin on his lips was the genuine one he sported when around his family. A career such as his, made time with family limited and you were always more than happy to go along to any event with Chris’s family. Even if that meant you’d see them once a year or twice a week.

The Evans family truly lived it up on the holidays, something definitely instilled in your boyfriend who acted like a frat boy at parties. (You have many videos of him being the happy drunk that he is, to say so.)

With this being your first Evans Christmas, Chris literally went all out once his mother called him that week before. You were unaware of this until an ugly Christmas sweater was laying out on your side of the bed just the day before Christmas. As you had been working all day, Chris had run out to accomplish some errands but you had no clue it actually meant this. With a small giggle, you decided to amuse yourself and try on the sweater. The sweater itself looked like it had been pulled straight out of any cheesy 90’s holiday movie you could imagine. Decked in lights attached to a battery pack and lots of gaudy tinsel, the sweater was the literal embodiment of any office Christmas party attire. Even the Grinch would have turned his head at all of the very questionable, yet somehow eye catching, components of the knit top.

You decided to venture down the stairs in the sweater to surprise Chris, but oh how the tables had turned. Instead of surprising the man, he shocked you first and not for a good reason. Jaw half dropped, you slowly walked into the mess of a kitchen. Various cookie making ingredients spilled among the counter and you found the culprit’s back turned your way. His entire black sweater was covered in flour and somehow even the back of it. At the mess you let out a tiny, but very audible, shriek causing the man to cautiously turn.

A nervous smile graced his lips and he held up two mugs of hot cocoa.

“Heh heh. Your sweater looks nice, honey...” There was no sign of amusement on your face, and you just horridly stared at the colossal snow storm of flour in the kitchen. “...hot cocoa?”

You just slowly turned your head in his direction and if an eye can invisibly twitch, then yours was doing so. An insane chuckle left your mouth and you just walked closer, snatching the mug from him. The last thing you wanted to do was clean this damn kitchen, especially after a long day at work. You loved Chris, but that man never followed through with things. Of course it wasn't intentional, but if you did wait for him to do said things, they’d never get done in a timely manner.

A timer sounded from the oven breaking your small staring contest with the man who nervously gulped from time to time as you were yet to say a word since entering the kitchen.

“Sounds like your cookies are done, lover boy.” You turned on your heel heading to the living room, but not without looking over your shoulder to utter a quip.

“Wouldn’t want to burn those things. Especially after the mess you’re going to have to clean all by yourself.”

Chris knew you were teasing, as confirmed by the discreet wink, and he just shrugged his shoulders, laughing. He had already planned on cleaning the kitchen, but this time he actually meant it.

An hour later, Chris joined you on the couch, a plate of decorated cookies in hand. He threw an arm around your shoulder and kissed your forehead. You decided to take a cookie and hummed in approval when the sugar dissipated on your tongue.

“My, my, Chris Evans. If you weren’t an actor, I’d say you could become a baker!”

In thanks, he once again kissed you, but this time on the forehead, making you crinkle your nose a bit. A few seconds of silence passed before he spoke again.

“I see you found the sweater. Do ya like it?”

You looked up at him with a dazzling smile and pecked his lips.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

Against the plush lips of the man you murmured, “I hate to ruin the moment, but is the kitchen clean?”

Chris pulled back with a deep chuckle that seemingly lasted for minutes. He tried to speak between the choppy laughter, but failed and instead gave you a simple nod of his head. Leaving the man to his giggles, you quickly snuck off and then rushed back into the room in no time as Chris was finally ceasing his howling.

Arms secretly folded behind your back and a large, corny grin on your face, Chris’s eyebrows raised in suspicion. He cautiously reached out to pull you closer to him, pretty much to the point where you dropped to sit on his lap.

Once seated, you brought your arms around to your own lap and opened the glittery Christmas gift bag. Just as you were about to pull the final piece of tissue paper from the sack, you called Dodger who loyally came running in from the next room. At the point Chris was so utterly confused that he wasn't even aware Dodger had joined you both. Although, the man did wear a smirk that was borderline concerning.

The pup then curled up next to you on the couch after venturing in. Finally, you started to rummage through the gift bag, revealing its contents that had suspense looming in the air for a good while. Honestly, as you pulled out a beautifully embroidered stocking, which was for Dodger, Chris released a shaky breath that he had been unknowingly holding in.

You turned to see his reaction and instead started laughing at his tremendously cherry red cheeks. His smirk had also dropped and he now partly resembled a sad puppy. Even though he looked downcast, you could spy a sea of playfulness in his eyes.

“Oh my gosh, babe! Why are you so red?” It was now your turn to try and talk in between laughs.  

Chris shook his head in a manner of disappointment, dramatically sucking in air and widening his eyes as one would do when traumatized.

“Let’s just say I had assumed there would be stockings in that bag, but...not that kind.” His ears were all red now and the two of you were cackling loudly, causing Dodger to leave the room.

“You dirty man! I swear for a few seconds I thought I was looking at Clifford the Dog!” you continued to tease him for a good five minutes and Chris just accepted it until a feel-good, Christmas classic came on the radio and he scooped you up.

For a quick second you squealed in shock, but then the man set you down on the floor in the middle of the living room. He held out a hand and you accepted it.

Of all the songs that could have graced the radio, it had to be Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas Is You. Thank the heavens the blinds on the windows to the house were shut or the whole neighborhood would have seen you and Chris dancing like fools. The two of you energetically bounced around the living room. Your hair was flailing around as Chris’s arms madly waved up and down. Off key singing resounded from the you both and poor Dodger became the unsuspecting victim to the horrid sounds. Regardless that he was all the way in another room.

From then on, you and Chris spent the rest of Christmas Eve alternating between decorating cookies and doing some Christmas themed karaoke. The night ultimately ended when the both of you crashed from your sugar highs on the couch, not even waking until Dodger came and nudged you in the face, annoyed.

----

Christmas morning came quick and unfortunately that meant both you and Chris had to be up bright and early for the party at his parents house. It had been a good couple of months since you’d seen them all last.

After a couple of groans and tossing around, you managed to find the legs to leave the bed as Chris did the same. The two of you went your separate ways and did the necessary tasks before you later met at the front door. You and Chris both had your ugly sweaters on, even Dodger had one on as he was coming along too. In your hand, you held a bin of the cookies from the night before and in the other you held dodger’s leash as he practically pulled you out the door. Chris, who was chuckling at the dog’s excitement, trailed behind with the many gifts for his family members.

The Evans clan greeted you both with open arms, quite literally, as you were engulfed by all of his siblings at once. Poor Dodger was thrown into the mix and got a bit squished, but he enjoyed the embrace nonetheless.

As soon as you and Chris stepped foot into the house and the door shut behind you, Chris’s sisters ushered you into the kitchen where you just looked back to your boyfriend who gave you a thumbs up and a cheesy grin. Little did you know that you were about to learn the most sacred thing about the family, which is their gingerbread recipe. For a good couple of hours, you chatted with the ladies and helped tediously decorate gingerbread while Chris and the guys were in the other room. Occasionally he’d pass by and steal some cookies to which you’d smack him. The man would quickly retract his hand and like a child in a cookie jar, he’d dash away, but not before placing a kiss to the crown of your head.

Once dinner was served, everyone sat around the table, quieted down, stomachs full and feeling a food coma from the endless amount of servings. You and Chris managed to fight the urge to rest and instead collected dishes to wash. Just as you started scrubbing the dirtied plate Chris had handed you, he nudged your hip with his own. In confusion you turned to the man who motioned for you to look up.

Resting above your heads was a tiny piece of mistletoe, delicately hanging by a little silk ribbon. You lowered your gaze back to the man who had turned and now placed his hands on your hips. Pulling you flush against his chest, Chris kissed you deeply, prompting you to wrap your arms around his neck. Suddenly, you heard some cheering and could feel a protruding smile on Chris’s lips. Looking towards the direction of the sound, you saw the shutters on the kitchen pass through open, allowing everyone in the dining room to peek in.

“I was just about to give you guys some more dishes, but I should’ve known you both were up to no good. Thankfully your niece and nephews are in the other room!” Scott then set down the dishes and dramatically shut the mini doors making both you and Chris laugh.

“I’m hoping you won’t remember your first Evans’ Christmas for this.” Chris still had his arms wrapped around your waist and smiled down on you with a glimmer of hope.

Letting out a breathy laugh, you replied, “You and I both know I will, but hopefully there will be plenty more of these to come.” With that, you trailed your fingers up to his hair and gently tussled the locks, earning yourself a soft kiss on the temple from the satisfied man.

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