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mono-lee-mmxxii · 1 year

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11 Days Dead - Day 2

Dawn of the Second Day

- 228 Hours Remain -

Leo came to being pulled along by his sash. He stumbled to keep up, but the ground felt weird under him, shifting under his feet like he was treading water. Slowly, he became aware of his surroundings.

Sound filtered in sluggishly, as if he was wearing a thick pair of earplugs. The world was dull when he looked at it, washed out and colder than he remembered. His skin was distantly numb, and he couldn’t quite feel his limbs.

It took a long, long moment before he realized he was looking at the moving forms of his brothers, a consistent ten feet away. He should call out to them, he thought to himself. His hand twitched, reaching forward desperately. His hand was light, it moved faster than he expected, like it was tripping through the air. His thoughts felt thick and syrupy, and the air pressed down on him as if it was a heavy, smothering blanket.

The contrasting sensations, opposite what he normally expected, made him shudder. He thought he should be nauseated by the feeling, it felt so viscerally wrong. Whatever he expected to feel, a semi- familiar fall in his gut when his stomach would turn and lurch, it didn’t come, and he was left with only the thought he should be sickened, but he couldn’t be sick.

When he tried to speak, he found he couldn’t. His mouth opened, he could feel his muscles moving, but there was no air, no vibration, and his words had no sound.

“Wait.” The word would have been whispered, but it didn’t carry at all.

His brothers were still moving, and they weren’t waiting. His eyes were heavy, and burned the more he tried to focus on them, but when he could, he saw that they were moving rubble, bricks and rock and metal, to get to… the Lair? Their home was gone, the subway station utterly destroyed.

His family shuffled around, clearing debris and salvaging what they could. He could see Raph staring in horror at some monstrous, splintered, wooden wreck, and it took a long, long moment for him to remember that the skate ramp was supposed to be there.

Shouldn’t he be upset about that? Yes. He remembered loving that skate ramp, and now it was gone. Why was it gone? What had happened? They’d lost something to the Foot Clan, and then that weirdo kid showed up claiming he was from the future, and then-

Oh. The Krang had happened. He’d stayed behind in the portal, and nearly got beaten to death for it. Then they’d saved him, right? He remembered Mikey’s portal, Raph’s static electric projection closing around him, Donnie’s terrified, determined face when the drill had whirled past him to slam into the Krang.

Hadn’t they gotten him home? Had he died after that?

He remembered being so close, feeling the warmth of the sun washing over his face through the portal, but he hadn’t felt the air, smelled the odors of battle and city and harbor that he knew he should have. Everything had gone dark again right after that. Had he died going through the portal? Maybe it was a portal the afterlife, and he’d gotten portaljacked by afterlife pirates and stuck as a ghost instead of moving on.

The theory was outlandish, but he didn’t know what else to think.

Had the portal closed on him?

It was such a strange thought, to think that they’d let go before he was there with them. But he’d seen the way the portal had taken its toll on them, he’d seen the way the energy ate up chunks of skin and burrowed through their hands - maybe it’d been too painful to hold any longer. Maybe he hadn’t been fast enough. Maybe it had just been bad luck. He was probably concussed, and severely wounded, but he wasn't a ghost. He just needed rest.

He watched from a distance as they gathered in the living room, piled onto the mattress and blankets and each other. He lowered himself to the ground as well, stretching his limbs out over an empty stretch of blanket, and trying to close his eyes. The world didn’t exactly go dark, but it blurred over, de-saturated as it had been when he’d first woken up.

They had his favorite movie on, and the sounds of it filtered through the room in a familiar, predictable cadence.

Sleep didn’t come for him, but the time blurred by until he heard shifting. He opened his eyes, watching as Mikey turned in his sleep, frowning. His hands were starting to glow, a slight orange haze about them that made Leo sit up, frowning. He reached for Mikey, but his hands stopped just shy of actually touching him.

He wasn’t sure he’d be able to, and the thought of it made his head swim.

“Mikey?” Raph’s voice rumbled softly, rough with sleep. The snapping turtle had only opened one eye, and pulled his youngest brother closer, curling around him sleepily. Mikey shifted again, relaxing in his sleep as the glow faded.

Leo wasn’t sure if he was relieved or not.

He didn’t go back to sleep, choosing instead to stay up. He watched them sleep, feeling vaguely creepy for it. But there was something comforting about seeing them all safe, all together.

When time dragged on enough that he was reminded that boredom was a feeling, he went to explore.

The hallways were coated in dust and slime, trails of pink where the Krang and its creations had been. The concrete beneath was damaged, spiderweb like cracks spreading out from points of impact all along the walls. Bits of concrete were scattered on the floor.

He wandered, trying to get all the way to the kitchen, and he got there. He stopped in the door, looking around. It was the same as it had been last night, when April had been in here. The glass didn’t move, made no sound when he walked over it, and he looked in silent shock at the ruined room.

Something tugged on him, just under his sash, and he came to an abrupt halt as it pulled him backwards. He took a few steps forward again, trying to continue his exploration, but couldn’t go much further before he was forced back again. It was a like a cold hand wrapped around his heart, pulling him back when he went too far.

He stepped back out into the hall, wondering how far he could go. He didn’t reach the living room, and would have sighed if he’d had lungs to pull air into.

The sound of voices drew him back to the living room, where the others had started to wake.

“-we will salvage what we can, and return to the new Lair.” Pops was saying, and Leo stopped in the doorway. New Lair? Weren’t they in the new Lair? It had been destroyed, sure, but they were moving?

“I’ll see if I can get Uber Eats to drop something off.” Donnie offered when their stomachs started growling. “I can use my battle shell to get to an accessible location. There’s no way they’re going to make it all the way over here right now.”

“Food would be good.” Mikey agreed, glancing toward Leo.

No, Leo had to retract that statement when his brother stared straight through him. Mikey was glancing at the doorway, toward the kitchen. He waved at him, but Mikey didn’t blink, and he stepped closer. Did none of them see him? Last night had been blurry, thick and heavy with exhaustion and pain but he hadn’t been invisible had he? They’d been talking to him, right?

No, they hadn’t, he remembered. They hadn’t looked him in the eye once last night, and now they looked through him entirely.

“Donnie?” He asked, waving his hand in front of his twin’s face. “Helloooo?”

Donnie didn’t acknowledge him, shuffling around until he could pull his phone out from his battle shell.

Leo turned to Raph, something like panic rising in him. If he had a body, he’d describe his anxiety as pooling in his stomach but he didn’t have a body, not that he could feel. He still felt like he was shaking when he tried to get his older brother’s attention.

“Raph! Raphie! You can see me, right? Don’s just doing that thing where he’s pretending I don’t exist, right?” The words were as silent as ever, as still as ever, and he wanted to scream in frustration when no one in the room looked at him.

“Food is a good idea, Donnie.” Raph agreed.

Leo couldn't believe this, he couldn't. Didn't they see him? He was right there, waving and yelling in their faces. How had this ended up being his life? Afterlife? He still wasn't entirely certain.

Casey was frowning, and pushing himself to his feet. April’s arm had been trapped under him, and she shook it out as she sat up.

“I can make food.” He offered, and and April grimaced in response, making a noise of distaste. He frowned down at her, confused. “What’s wrong?”

“Sorry, Case, I just don’t know if apocalypse cooking skills translate and I don’t want to test that this morning.” She explained, and he nodded as though the secrets of the universe had been revealed to him.

“Sensei wanted me to grab a slice, when I got back to the future.” He said after a moment, hesitating. “Does that have to do with food?”

Leo couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Did that have to do with-

“Yes, it has to do with food! You’ve never had pizza?!” His words didn’t reach, silent and unmoving in his throat and the room, but when his hand went to land on Casey’s shoulder in shock, he swore for a moment that it caught, that he’d put pressure on something.

The next moment, his hand went straight through the boy’s shoulder, and they both shuddered. April and the rest stared, until Mikey blinked slowly.

“He’s never had pizza.” He said on a disbelieving breath, sounding devastated about that fact.

“That is something we can rectify immediately.”

Donnie wasted no time in pulling up his phone, tapping at the screen hurriedly. “Starting with the pinnacle of specialty pizzas, we’re introducing you to breakfast pizza.”

Leo objected, opening his mouth to voice his opinion, but was cut off before he could start.

“You can’t introduce him to specialty before classic!” Mikey protested, and Leo was glad that his point would have been supported if he could have made it.

“Fine, fine. I’ll order doughnuts, geez.”

Mollified, Leo relaxed and watched as they began getting up and about for the day.

“I’m gonna get started on cleaning up the kitchen.” April volunteered. “I’ve got shoes, and that room is full of glass.”

“I’ll help.” Casey offered. “I’ve got shoes too.” It earned him a half fond smile as she nodded.

“You guys get what you can from your rooms.” She continued, patting Raph on the shoulder as she passed by, headed for the door. “I’ll come find you when I’m done.”

The turtles nodded, and began to follow her out one by one. Leo took up the rear, headed for his room when his brothers split ways to go to theirs. He ducked through the half-wrecked door, trying to avoid having to phase through anything, but determined to see what had happened to his room.

It was a mess. Broken figurines and ripped comic pages were scattered, tatters of his bedding covering the floor - it was ruined beyond recovery, beyond comprehension. He tried to breathe on instinct, but the air didn’t rush to fill his lungs, and his phantom body reversed the movement just as fast, a spasm in muscles he felt but couldn't feel.

A moment later there was a cold hand around his heart, tugging him toward the wall.

“No.” He protested, eyeing the wall warily as he fought the pull. “No, I hate phasing through things please don’t-”

The pull had no regard for whether or not he would rather have walked to his destination, dragging him along until he was stepping through the wall and walking through the dark, searching for the other end of the pull. It only took a handful of steps for him to emerge in Mikey’s room, finding his brother collecting pieces of sketch paper slowly, stacking them neatly.

There were shreds of paper and canvas all over the floor, and Leo was reminded of confetti for one awful moment.

Mikey was pulling an empty backpack out from under the bed, and putting the salvaged papers in it carefully. He picked around the room slowly, stopping at his desk. It had been cracked down the middle, and drawing supplies had gone everywhere. Broken crayons and busted paint tubes littered the ground, piled on top of pages that had once been safely stored away.

Some of the papers over here had fared better than the sketchbooks Mikey had left out on his bed, and Leo looked away when he saw the drawing of Karai and the family had survived, by some miracle. Mikey picked up it up slowly, equally disbelieving that it had come out so unscathed, and Leo could see the tears well up in his eyes.

He swallowed harshly, looking toward the door.

It didn’t feel right to be in here, not right now.

“Hey, Leo.” Mikey started, voice hoarse and whispering. Leo froze, staring at him, but Mikey was looking at the drawing, held in trembling hands. “I don’t know if you can hear me, but… say hi to Gram Gram for me, please.”

No, Leo definitely could not be in here right now.

He turned, uncaring what he phased through this time as he headed for the door. He pushed himself until the cold tug brought him to a halt, standing out in the hallway, pacing back and forth.

He was dead? He was dead. They all thought he was dead, so why wasn’t he one of the mystical Hamato spirits they’d seen and met so many times? Was this because of the Krang? Because of what they did to ninpo? He thought they had fixed it, broken free of whatever limiting magic the Krang had screamed at them. Had his ninpo failed him?

Had he failed his brothers?

He wouldn’t be surprised if this was his own fault, in retrospect. He was used to goofing around, to making jokes, and it had destroyed their world in one timeline already. Had he wasted time with his quip?

Took you guys long enough.

Had it taken away precious moments for him to say that? Seconds that could have kept the portal open while he came through, wasted on dumb words.

His thoughts were interrupted when Mikey came out of his room, backpack slung over one shoulder. He could see a few paint brushes and a watercolor palette, though the cover was cracked and half missing. He could see a canvas, one of the brand new ones Leo had gotten him for Christmas last year, still wrapped in plastic and miraculously unharmed. There were drawings, paintings that peeked out from the bag, but Leo couldn’t stand to look at the way his brother's artwork had been desecrated.

He looked around the Lair instead, searching for the rest of his brothers. Raph was emerging from his room, carrying a shoebox in one hand, and Captain Cuddles in another. Leo could see the box had no lid, and when he looked past Raph, he saw the torn cardboard lying forgotten on the ground, useless now.

“Hey, Mikey.” He greeted, and Mikey gave him a strained smile.

“Hey, Raph.”

“We should go check on the others, huh?” Raphael asked, looking up towards Donnie’s lab.

Mikey nodded, but neither of them moved and the silence continued. Raph shifted, looking down toward him, brow furrowed.

“You okay?”

Mikey nodded again, but his eyes were bright and wet, and he wasn’t looking at Raph, staring instead off into the distance.

“Yeah,” he said on a shaky exhale. “I just can’t believe he’s gone.”

Raph and Leo both took in a breath at that, muscles moving on instinct, but Raph’s was less sharp, less shocked. None of them needed to clarify who he was talking about.

“Me either.” Raph whispered, carefully pulling Mikey into a hug. The box turtle turned at the touch, wrapping his arms around Raph and holding on.

The sobs were hitching breaths, quiet things that still carried so far in the eery silence of the Lair. There was no hum of electricity, no TV playing a few rooms over, no sound of traffic overhead - it was so silent, and it made the noise echo and amplify.

“No, don’t cry hermanito . I’m right here, it’s okay, I promise I’m okay.” Leo couldn’t stay quiet, even if he knew his words had no sound.

There was movement in the corner of his eye, and he turned, looking up. Donnie was in the doorway to his lab, looking down at the pair. He had his spider shell on, carrying boxes labeled spare parts and repairable in neat, blocky marker. His purple hoodie was balled up between his hands, and his shoulders trembled while he stood there, blinking. Raph hadn’t heard him, and neither had Mikey.

After a long moment Donnie looked aside, pulling the fabric closer to himself. Leo thought he could see tears, and nearly opened his mouth to try and ask, but Donnie turned away a moment later, disappearing back into lab.

Leo watched him go, fighting down unease. He’d find a solution to this, and he’d make them realize he was alive and then they could stop being sad and everything would go back to normal.

He just needed to figure out how to come back from the dead.

#rottmnt #rottmnt fanfiction #11 days dead #leo rottmnt #leo centric #rise of the tmnt #leonardo #donnie rottmnt #mikey rottmnt

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nights-flying-fox · 1 year

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so I dive straight back in the ocean

take a deep breath, suck the water in my chest

cross my fingers and hope for the best

- Swimming, Florence + The Machine

Leo goes to a lake for swimming to calm down.

🌊 rottmnt || 1,304 words

🌊 inspired by @ashwii 's drawings of Leo (they're really pretty!!!)

🌊 click here to read on AO3!!

🌊 also... fic playlist 👀

Some days would feel like drowning. The emotions, the stress, it all would wrap around him. It would take a hold of him and pull him deep under, and there would be nothing that he could do. His mind would spiral, and he would feel like he was drowning. It would get hard to breathe, hard to do anything. Sometimes he’d notice, and sometimes he’d get so lost in his mind that it is an ocean filled with way too many islands that were named thoughts, worries, fears… that he’d miss the pressure around him.

There were times when he’d have his family by his side. They’d comfort him, help him, sing him songs, or talk about tales that would distract him. They’d help. They’d pull him out of the freezing waters. Out of the hold of metallic claws. Out of the future that will never happen. Out of the fear of seeing his family in danger again, all because of him.

And yet, Leo sometimes would seek loneliness. He’d seek the chance to fight his thoughts, his fears alone. On such days he would feel surrounded by water, but not drowning, so he would want to simply disappear. To be forgotten and left alone for some time. To let everything inside him out, on his own. To drown his thoughts, instead of himself drowning in them.

During these days, water would be the answer.

He'd leave a note that he'd be out for a walk, just to not worry anyone during his absence. He’d hold his katanas tightly, and make a portal. He’d think of the lakes, of the calm waters, of safety. He’d step in, and find himself in the embrace of a silent world. A world made of a lake that reflected every single star in the sky, shining brilliantly. A world that greeted him with butterflies flying around, small and fragile, beautiful creatures. He’d look at the scenery and relax. Take a deep breath, get into the water.

Bless his slider turtle genes, staying underwater wasn’t a problem for him. He could hold his breath longer than a human. Which was what let him drift into the lake’s calming waters. He’d let himself be surrounded by the underwater world, his eyes shut. Swimming always would calm him. Something about it felt natural, he’d drift in the water. His mind would drift too. The blue feelings would fall out of him in the form of tears whenever he swam back to the surface. Then he’d let himself sink. He’d get it all out, let the water carry his muffled wails then.

After all, he wanted no one to know about this, about his tears and how the pain came back to hurt him. How even after the comforts of his loved ones, he’d still find himself back in the void of darkness. He knew it wouldn’t go away any time soon. He guessed everyone was aware of that. But he still didn’t want to share it, not every single time he felt the fears grip him tight. Not every time he overthought about the future, and how much of it they saved. How much of it they changed. The unknown haunted him, so he would let the waters take his fears and thoughts away.

Leo would think of the songs his family would sing. As the ones April would whisper to, Donnie would hum, Mikey would make up, and the songs and lullabies Splinter and Raph would sing. Leo knew all of them from the heart. They sounded to him like waves hugging him. Like he was swimming, swimming, swimming... Safe, comforting.

Sometimes he'd feel like he was sinking, forgetting the songs when he'd be too deep in his thoughts. But in the calm waters, he'd remember them again. He'd find comfort. He'd think of the songs of his family. He’d think of their words, hugs, and smiles. He’d think how together they got through so much. How they’ll keep going through everything.

Then he’d finally feel fully relaxed. He’d be left with nothing but tired eyes. He’d feel lighter, calmer. His thoughts would stop troubling him, they’d disappear for a while. And Leo would swim back to the surface and not sink back again. He’d let the moonlight reflect on his face, and his eyes would meet with the faint golden glow. He’d watch the butterflies that never left this place fly around him. He’d let them land on his hand, greet them as if they were old friends. And then, he’d take a deep breath, and let himself feel alright. It would be okay.

Nothing hunted him down anymore, and they had kept the key safe. They were growing in many ways, Leo would think. They were becoming stronger, wiser. And Leo would find comfort in the words his family once said to him one more time:

“We’ll get through anything, as long as we are together.”

He knew they would be ready against whatever came towards them. Leo no longer would let his family down, he’d get better at everything. He knew he could, with his family by his side… even if they would be far away, he knew they'd be with him. As long as he let them help, as long as he listened to them, it would end up okay. It was hard, but he could do it. He had to do it. That would be what he’d do. For his family, so they’d be fine. And everything would be alright.

And a stray tear would fall. The last one, and its reason would be relief instead of pain.

He’d look at the sky again.

A small smile would appear on his face. He’d already miss home.

He’d get out of the water, and return the same way he came. A bright blue light led him to the cozy sewers, to the subway cars they called home for the past several months. It wouldn't matter if it was past midnight or almost dawn– he didn’t know. What he would care about would be seeing his family. So he’d walk around the lair. He’d check on his brothers. See how Donnie once again fell asleep in his lab and would drag him to the bed in his lab; see how Raph would be snoring while holding tightly his plushies and Leo would smile widely; see how Mikey dropped his blanket on the floor like he always did and lay it back over his brother. And then, he'd check his father.

And he'd meet with a surprise, to not see his father in his room, but instead find him in the living room. He'd see him going through albums, photographs of the past in his hands. Leo would be quiet, and yet, Splinter would notice. He'd ask why he was awake. Leo would shrug it off, as he would do every time he’d get caught awake past midnight.

But Splinter would understand.

He wouldn't ask questions, he would say something about it being late. Maybe scold him, without being serious at all. And yet, he'd look at him knowingly. He'd understand.

And Leo would be grateful.

Splinter would smile, he'd call him by his side, ask him if he'd like to join him, be his company. Leo would smile back, walk and sit on the couch's arm. They'd look at photos together. Laugh and joke, remember the old days, and listen to Splinter tell the same stories from his Lou Jitsu days or their childhood. It would go on for hours, till sleepiness would show itself, and Leo would remember the warmth and comforting feeling of resting. Next to Splinter, whose arm would hug his son, he'd let himself drift to sleep as his father would sing quietly an old, familiar, song.

And then, everything would be alright.

#anxiety #panic attacks #leo centric #hurt/comfort #rottmnt #rottmnt fanfiction #rottmnt fanfic #rottmnt leo #rottmnt splinter #also sorry for tagging #if you want i can remove the tag #march 2023 #nighty write y #scheduled

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