I’ve always been the poet, never the poem. The one who spins love into stanzas and sorrow into syllables, yet never feels them for myself. I write others into existence- let them dance across pages, their stories vivid, their hearts laid bare. But me? I stay in the shadows, behind the ink, behind the words.
What would it be like, I wonder, to be the one someone can’t put down? To be whispered between lips, felt in the quiet moments? To be read, to be seen? For once, to be the poem instead of the hand that writes it.
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everything I sacrificed for love
you give back to me
without knowing
it was ever mine to begin with.
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This is what I remember: losing myself.
You have to know one thing about me: I'm an observer. I notice things.
This is how it started: You looked at me and I saw bright lights and I thought it was how it was supposed to feel. A tightness in my chest, in my lungs. Feeling too small for my body, for you, for this world. It didn't matter that I tried to decode entire conversations when you left. Pretending I did not exist for weeks on end.
I felt like I did not exist.
This is what I have to remind myself of: I rediscovered myself. I stuck my hands into piles of ash, debris and broken bone, and I dug so deep, I nearly got stuck on the way back up.
I found her, I think. I buried who she was with your memory, and treasure who she will become after you. Because there will be an after you, and it will be beautiful.
.And you know me: I'm an observer. I notice things. And I remember them. And no matter how many times I encounter a part of me that misses you, the memory of losing myself will be clearer, more fleshed out than the muscle memory of my fingers tracing the palm of your hand.
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"To forget, to forget ...", Vahan Teryan (translated by Tathev Simonyan)
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