#Making very small chunks of progress at a time... it's still nice

[sleepvines]

It feels nice getting back into the story. I missed it, and I think there's a lot we can add/tweak to get it where we want it to be :-]

due to work and such it's been difficult to set aside time and just write. Or read for that matter. Things are finally looking up again though. Taking a break from a story can lead to a growing detachment from it and I feel like we're slowly warming back up to it now <3 -🍂

[onskepa]

Left behind: Nice to meet you

Alright everyone! Here is the new chapter to the series! Enjoy~!!

P.S: Timeline will be slightly altered!

Left behind series

-----------------

Year 2159 

Quaritch woke up in his bunker-like room. Checking the date from his digital calendar, it's only been a day since he woke up in his new avatar body. His new, permanent body. Funny really, he spent a good chunk of his life trying to rid of the blue aliens and here he was living breathing the skin of his enemy. 

“Quaritch, you are requested by Dr. Sanchez in room B109” a robotic voice was heard from the small speaker in his room. 

Getting up and dressed, a small machine automatically prepared his coffee and breathing mask. 

“Let's get this done,” he says to himself. 

Wearing his mask, he walks out to the long white, cold halls of the establishment. He still needs time to get used to this place. He woke up in his new body 40 days ago. Gotten enough time to get used to his new life. Today was the day he would meet someone. Who? He still doesn't know, the scientists who  watch over his progress were very secretive about it. 

Taking his na’vi size mug with him, Quairtch leaves to visit the doctor.

The doors opened, it was the doctor himself. Dr. Sanchez looks up at quaritch with an odd grin. “Ah, there you are M. 117” he says. His voice had a bit of a husk, light on an accent that was nowhere near anything latin. Danish perhaps? 

“I prefer to be called Quaritch, doc” quaritch says, though secretly he would like to be better called colonel but he so far holds no authority of any kind in this place. Best thing he can do now is just to comply. Something that irks him just a bit. He was so used to being in control, it makes him feel odd to be the other end of authority. 

“Yes yes, Quaritch” Dr. Sanchez dismisses the comment with a careless wave of his hand. Clapping his hands, the odd doctor then checks in his tablet, grinning to himself. 

“Aha! Right on time! Come come, there is someone who you will meet. She is very important” was he said, and right on cue, the doors opened again to reveal a middle aged woman. Fair in looks, short in stature but the face that demands your utmost attention. Now who could she be? 

“No, not you. Where is she?” Dr. Sanchez whined, a look of obvious disappointment. 

The lady rolled her eyes, “you were just going to have him meet her with no context? Fuck, you are impatient” the lady spoke. Having a British accent but quaritch can tell with the rasp of her voice, she smokes a pack a day. 

The lady walks up to quaritch, extends out her hand, “Name is Tatianna, I am part of a RDA special extension. Part of a team that will oversee the project ‘amazonian’. It is a fairly new project so don't ask about it at this time” she informs. 

Tatianna and quaritch give a firm handshake. 

“Yes ma’am” he nods. Tilting her head, Tatianna takes lead as the three leave the empty room and once again back into the empty, cold halls. The hells on the lady’s shoes were the only sound that was made, echoing throughout the place. From where Qauritch can see, those heels look like they can stab someone with it. 

“How much do you know of project phoenix M. 117?” Tatianna asks, sort of startling him by the sudden burst of her voice. 

Dr. Sanchez taps tatianna’s shoulder, “ehe, he likes to be called ‘Quairtch’” he tells her. The lady looks up at him with a side look, giving a vague hum. They resume walking however. 

“I was told I am the first in this new project. Having memories of my human predecessor while having new perks in this body” quaritch says. He is taller, stronger, has more stamina. He can hear better too. Though there are some slight downsides to his new body. 

“Good, and you are still reporting your adjustments to your director, yes?” Tatianna continues to ask questions. The recom nods. 

“Good, good” was all she said. Pulling out her tablet, she reads some things. 

“Like Dr. Sanchez told you, there is someone you must meet. But before that, there is some stuff you need to hear.This might interest you” 

“When the RDA employees returned, they all came with many stories of what happened to pandora. How the native there were fighting back, killing and attacking. That there was a ring leader to a battle. How you were in charge of leading them to a certain area. Not only that, but a soldier went ‘full native’ and joined the opposite side to fight. Jake Sully they all said. What we would like to hear is how true it is, and what can you tell us from your memories?” 

So that was what it was about. 

Surprised they didn't ask him any sooner. 

Rubbing his chin, Quaritch begins to recall what he can. 

“Well it is true. A good chunk of it. I was a colonel, protecting those under my wings. I did say in every briefing that while it was my job to make sure they stay alive, I won't succeed. Pandora is a hell of its own ma’am. Those na’vi, they are no easy target” 

Tatianna pulls up a photo of human and avatar Jake sully. This made quaritch make a grim expression, new, or old, memories came flooding in. That little shit ruined everything he worked hard for. Ruined the possibilities for humanity. 

“Oooohh seems some anger arose” Dr. Sanchez teases. 

“More than anger…” Quaritch growls, his tail flicking side to side. 

Tatianna presses a record button on a device she held in her hand, “start talking” 

Dr. Sanchez took the recording and left somewhere. 

That left Tatianna alone with quaritch. Good, she didn't need that weird doc around the recom and mess with his feelings. 

But they got what they needed, now it's time to take the major part of the plan. 

“I hope what you said is true, if this jake sully really did betray humanity, this can make a huge case that will reach the world leaders” tatianna informs. She leads him to a new area of the facility. 

“I don't mind, all I want miss, is to get my hands on that little shit” the recom says. Already letting his murderous fantasy run wild. Ways to hurt him, torture him, kill him. 

“You will, in time. While we make the case, there is someone very important you will meet. Just step through here, she is waiting for you” 

She gestures to the recom to enter a doorway that opens itself. He goes inside as she follows. 

Inside was a little girl, from quaritch’s eyes, a young teen. She looked up, shock and fear instantly filled in her oddly familiar blue eyes. 

“Ssshhhh, its ok. This is miles quaritch. The man I told you about” tatianna comforts the young girl in a soothing tone. She walks over to the child, rubbing her back. The recom observes the interaction. The young girl looked frail, almost having a creepy hollow look. Dark bags under her eyes, did this kid get enough sleep? 

“He knows your father, why dont you introduce yourself?” Tatianna encourages” 

Quaritch bends down to meet the child’s eye level. 

“H-hi….” the child whispers. Qauritch gives her space to talk more. 

“I h-heard you know my dad…? His name is jake sully, im his daughter”

Well ain't this a bitch. 

“You’re kidding me” quaritch looks at the lady in disbelief. 

“I'm not, this is not a joke. This is serious "Tatianna narrows her eyes at him. Did he really think this is some humor? 

“The hell is going on exactly? I was just spouting wanting sully’s blood and here you are presenting me with his spawn” he growls. Seeing the child certainly brought chills down his long spine. Her eyes, of all things to have of her crippled father, why did it have to be his blue eyes? It was like Jake was staring directly at him. Made quaritch want to vomit. 

“She has a name you know” tatianna pointed out. 

“The hell with her name, sully alone is enough for me. What the hell is really going on little missy? And tell me the truth lady” his patience was growing thin. Not liking the situation, not one bit. 

“She knows” 

Quairtch and Tatianna both turn to see Dr. Sanchez standing a few feet from them. Holding a little holographic picture of Jake sully. 

“Know what? Stop with these riddles you two are spewing out” recom says. 

Dr. Sanchez chuckled, how much the recom hated that chuckle. 

“Poor poor little sully. She knows what her dad did, his crimes. How many people he killed. She is in denial, refusing to see the truth” Sanchez explained. His beady eyes staring up at the recom. Already getting the hint. 

 “so…I'm to tell her the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth,” quaritch stated. It wasn't even a question. His predecessor mentioned some things in the video. Knew the words human quaritch said to jake. The taunting, using his kid against him.

Wait, using little sully against jake? 

The more the recom thought about it, the more tempting it was sounding. 

“Very well, I will break the news to her”

The doors slid open again, and once again the strange tall blue man entered the room. Little Sully was still weirded out by his appearance. In her school, one of her favorite teachers would endlessly talk about the planet pandora and the alien life there. The na’vi. Sharing all there is to know. Seeing pictures was one thing, but to see one right in front of her? It was amazing, even if it was an avatar. 

“Listen umm…Sorry about suddenly exiting like that. You caught me off guard kiddo” the avatar said. 

“Let's start over, yeah? I'm Miles quaritch, what's your name?” he asks. 

Little Sully said her name, barely above a whisper. 

“Pretty name,” he responded. 

“Did you know my dad or not?” straight to the point. Guess there is no reason to go easy. 

Quaritch gave a bitter look, nodding his head. 

“Yeah, yeah I knew him. Worked for me actually. Took your father under my wing when he joined. He looked like a lost puppy. He stood out a lot, aside from being in a wheelchair. Was a good man” he listed. 

“Was….” little sully repeated. 

“He is not dead, as far as I know,” quaritch said quickly, not wanting her to have the wrong idea. 

“Then why are you saying stuff in past tense…?” she asks. 

He has to choose his words very carefully. 

“The news, my school, everyone is saying my dad is a traitor, that he killed hundreds of humans. Everyone is calling him names. Please tell me the truth. Please tell me that he is not a killer, that it's all a mistake! He p-promised me he would come back…!! He swore…!!!” 

The more she spoke, the more her voice cracked, her expression changing to that of sad desperation. Quaritch sees it as an open window. 

“I'm sorry, there really is no way to say this in the softest way” he began to say. 

“Your dad did kill people. Hundreds doesn't begin to cover the real numbers. He went what we call, ‘full native’. It means humans betraying their own species for that of another. In this case, the na’vi. Your dad believes he is one of them. He declared war against humans. Because of the crimes he committed, your dad is now residing permanently in Pandora as a na’vi. He would be called a fugitive but that is yet to confirm. Im sorry, but your dear ol’daddy broke his promise” 

He wasnt even lying. 

It really was the truth. 

Little sully let out a loud wail of cries, tears traveling down her face. Her voice high pitched. Grabbing her hair, shouting ‘no no no!’ over and over. 

Quaritch did feel bad for her, but there is a sickening twist in him. Enjoying her misery and pain. Oh the things he can fill her head with. 

“HE PROMISED!! HE PROMISED ME…!!! SULLYS STICK TOGETHER!!” she cried out. Clinging onto the cold floor. 

Slowly, quaritch gently patted her back. He had to comfort her in some way, to not make it look like he is heartless. 

“I know I am only making it worse but…kid, it's almost impossible to keep a promise. Your dad was given a ticket to get the hell out of earth. They gave him a clean new body, with legs that don't slow him down. You are a big kid, think about it. Did you think your dad would come back after one hell of a deal?” 

“B-but-” little sully tried to argue back. 

“But he promised, you were such a small kid, you were at the age where you believed anything was possible. Kid, this is reality. Your dad left you. He isn't coming back, not after the mess he did” 

The young girl stopped her crying, only sniffles were heard. She looks down at the floor, taking in what quaritch said. 

“Hey, its not the end though. Im on a mission you see, and I could use your help..” he begins to say. 

Tatianna was seeing their interaction but was mildly annoyed. 

“Can you STOP with that god awful chewing?” she hisses out at Dr. Sanchez who was innocently enjoying a snack. 

“Sheesh, you are worse than my ma” he says with his mouth full. 

Tatianna rolls her eyes and continues to view the recom and the sully girl. 

“So, what do you think, boss lady?” Sanchez asks. 

Tatianna observes the two, analyzing their movements, their choices of words. Everything. 

“I say today will be the first day to launch the two projects, Project phoenix and project Amazonian. We begin the experiments at once” 

Aaaaaaaaand that is it for this chapter! Hope you all like it! Until next time! See ya!

Like the story? Click here to put your name for the next update!

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[langernameohnebedeutung]

So I noticed something interesting linguistically during my Spanish lessons but then I couldn't find a reason why and thought maybe you would have an idea?

Why does the word 'German' change so much from language to language? I mean you said Deutsch but we say German. But then in Spanish, it's Alemán. That's a massive change across three language. And I know they're from different language families but it still seems like a big change, I wonder why

I mean...yeah, it's kind of a situation

The thing is, Germany was only united as a single country in 1871. Before that, it was really a conglomerate of many different small cities, dukedoms, and kingdoms under the Holy Roman Empire (and before that: Tribes)

Modern-day Germany was just beyond the edge of civilisation during ancient times - Everything to the west and South, including France and England, was conquered and named and cartographed by the Romans but Germania was what was on the "other side":

The beige part was where civilisation ended for the Romans. Everything beyond the Limes was barbarian woods and most attempts to conquer there ended in military disasters like the battle of the Teuteburger Forest so ...not much progress was being made.

The name "Germania", that was used for EVERYTHING beyond the Limes border was apparently adopted from the word the Gauls used for the peoples they knew were living right there on the other side - and which meant something like "people of the forest" or possibly "neighbours" (which means the Romans might have done that ancient thing where they asked the Gauls: "Who lives over there?" and the Gauls were "Oh, yeah, those guys are our neighbours who sometimes come to our markets and that we fight with sometimes and who talk a little weird" and the Romans were like: "Ah, so the name of everyone living in the great beyond is 'Neighbours' and just stamped that name on a large chunk of the continent full of people who had never met a Gaul and had never heard of the word "Germania")

And because that area wasn't centralised the way the former colonies of Rome were, this pattern continued - when "states" (there was no modern-day statehood then, I guess the closest word would be "Reiche" but that would be Empires in English but that also doesn't describe it accurately and Reich has a Connotation in English and kingdom suggests a kind of continuity that didn't exist yet...) interacted with the people who lived in these lands, they often falsely assumed a level of social cohesion that didn't exist. One example is when Charlemagne pushed East, he would often make deals with the pagan Saxon tribes to please stop raiding all the nice monasteries he tried to establish - but it happened again and again, and people at the time concluded that the Saxons simply didn't honour their word. The problem was, that the Saxons were not united under one ruler and were not one cohesive tribe - so just because one of them made a deal to stop raiding monasteries, this doesn't mean anyone else got the memo or felt obliged to stop plundering those monks.

Even today, this kind of happens: Like "teutonic" being used for "german" because Teutons were a German tribe or people identifying Germany with Bavaria bc they hear a lot about the Oktoberfest or "Prussian" and "German" being equated because between 1871 and 1918, the Hohenzollern, being both the royal House of Prussia and the Kaiserhaus, largely dictated Germany's foreign policy and impression to the rest of the world, and even before that posing the biggest counter-weight to the Austrian/Austro-Bavarian role on the German-speaking playing field and often symbolising the different cultures (e.g. protestant vs catholic) existing across the German-countries-minus-Switzerland.

And this is also how the name thing happened: "Deutsch" just means "of the people" and was largely used for the language (hence "Dutch", being a very similar language to German, also having that very similar name, except, since they were the "Low Countries" (flat as a pancake land) of the Holy Roman Empire, they eventually took that name for themselves and their language when they became independent - the Netherlands speaking nederlands, while Belgish dutch-speakers speak "vlaams" after the region "Flanders") But since Germany never "separated" from the Holy Roman Empire but is largely considered its successor, there was no reason to make a regional name the name for a new nation. It just remained "the nation/the people".

Over the centuries, the other countries usually took whatever name there was for the regional tribe of Deutsche/people they dealt with and applied that to the whole thing: If you dealt primarily with the Alemanni people, you would use a word like the French "Allemagne", the English lived on an island and mostly kept using the Latin name "Germania" - which became "Germany". In Finland and Estonia it's "Saksa" and "Saksamaa" because being in the East, they mostly dealt with Saxons.

This also turned into an international game of telephone eventually: People who didn't have much contact with different kinds of Europeans would just pick up whatever name the people they dealt with used for Germany. If you had a lot of contact with the French or Spanish, you would pick up a variation of "Alman", if you dealt primarily with the English or Italians, it would be a variety of "Germania"

Then you have countries like Japan, which entered international exchange very late and had a lot of contact with Dutch and German speakers - which is why they say ドイツ - "doitsu". In Mandarin it's "Déguó" - guó meaning "land" and "Dé" for Deutschland.

Then there is also the language barrier: The modern nation-states of Germany and Italy both were once part of the Holy Roman Empire and neither had a standardised language (even today, on the European continent, Germany and Italy might take the prize for the most variations of their own language on the home continent) or considered themselves "German" or "Italian" until very late. So they distinguished between the people who spoke all the variations of their own language and those people above/below the Alps who were absolutely incomprehensible to them due to speaking an entirely different language family - so the Italians also spoke of "tedesco", which is related to the word "deutsch". (Italy cleverly spared itself most of this chaos by not having a lot of neighbours to begin with).

Another language barrier issue was in the East, because that's where Germanic languages and Slavic languages meet. This meant that while everyone who was part of the German(ic) dialect family could communicate with their neighbouring towns and tribes and everyone on the Slavic side could communicate with their neighbouring towns and tribes, they were also faced with those weirdos from the other side of the language barrier who were speaking absolute gibberish (or maybe just stared at you like an idiot and said nothing when you asked them a basic question) That's why in many Slavic languages, the name for "Germany" is a variation of "Niemcy" or "Německo" - which means "mute" or "non-speaker" or "foreigner" - because those were the people they couldn't talk to. Vācija, Vokietija, and Vuoceja also work this way)

Meanwhile, in Germanic languages, it's often names that also incorporate the word "deutsch & land"- Duitsland, Tyskland, Deytshland, Däitschland, Þýskaland etc

(I think to do the language diversity and mutual communication argument some justice, I think it's also important to point out that there wasn't a lot of personal mobility for the average person at the time, so they probably also identified themselves by what little they saw of the world. If even today there are German-speakers that don't understand each other, that issue was bound to be amplified by 1000000 at a time with no standardised writing, no mobility, a thin population, small towns etc. So even if everyone between the furthest North-East of the Germanic language continuum and the lowest South-West could maybe somehow communicate with their respective neighbouring towns and tribes in pre-nation times, if you had snatched two peasants from the respective ends even of what is today Germany and sat them down on the table in the middle, there probably would have been to have even the most basic conversation or know that the other person spoke a variation of the same language - there is an old saying that "a language is a dialect with an army" - and for German, it's more "a dialect-continuum with a bunch of armies fighting each other until eventually, they got 1 army 2000 years late". Meanwhile for the educated, the lingua franca at the time was Latin.)

Now, a lot of countries ...well, eventually became countries. Which meant they could do some marketing of their own and establish their own name for themselves - but Germany, as I mentioned, was only united in 1871. Even if they considered their language "deutsch", they didn't consider themselves "deutsch" for a long time (and when they did, it was considered a radical idea) and as such, there was no centralised government saying "We are deutsch" the way the French kings said "We are French" or the English kings said "We are English" - in fact, the central authority until the early 19th century was the Holy Roman Empire. Their rulers considered themselves the successors of the old Roman Emperors - this was called the "translatio imperii" according to which Charlemagne was the first "new" Emperor" and the Empire continued until Franz II was forced to abdicate bc of Napoleon. Eventually, it was officially considered "Das heilige römische Reich deutscher Nation" - "the holy roman Empire of the german nation" - but that wasn't really a central aspect of anyone's identity.

The average person just identified by whatever colour their personal patch on this map was:

#InOurFlickenteppichEra

So no one really challenged to disagreed with someone speaking of them as "Saksa" or "German" and that's pretty much why everyone has a different name for Germany.

[anim-ttrpgs]

The Eureka Kickstarter Pamphlet

It’s not much of a secret that my career and future financial stability is riding on the upcoming Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy Kickstarter (April 10th-May 10th) being successful and hitting as many stretch goals as possible.

If you would like to help a disabled person have a viable career, and see more work from myself and A.N.I.M. in the future—well, first of all, back the Kickstarter on April 10th, but secondarily, spread the word so that others can at least know about it and may back it themselves.

Besides just telling people about us and reblogging our posts, a really helpful way for you to spread the word would be to go to this link here (it’s the same link as the one for downloading the free demo) and download the EurekaPaphlet3pg-1 PDF. It’s a foldable pamphlet you can print out and give to anyone who has an interest in TTRPGs at school, at work, at a con, etc. You can even print out a bunch of them and leave them at your local card&hobby store. These pamphlets even include QR code that will give anyone scanning them access to the free Eureka demo. Also, since it’s a PDF, you could also just send it to people online without actually having to print it out.

(Make sure when you do print it out, that you print it out double-sided!)

It’s a nice pamphlet with some of our best art on it, and does a good job of getting right to the point of what Eureka is.

If any of y’all could hand this out and/or show it to people, it could mean a world of difference for making Eureka and A.N.I.M. a viable career path for someone who struggles to hold down any “normal” job.

Set a reminder for the Kickstarter launch here.

See a preview of the Kickstarter campaign here.

Join our Patreon for just $5 and get perpetual updates on the in-progress prerelease version of Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy and several adventure modules.

Visit our website or go to our itch.io page (follow us there too so you'll get notified when the game fully launches) for more information and a free demo! Also, in case anyone didn't know, the free demo isn't just a small chunk of the game anymore, it's almost the full game. Like, everything. If you previously downloaded the demo that kept most of the game hidden, go download it again to get access to all of that hidden stuff and more!

Interested in actually playing this game, and many others, with the developers? Check out A.N.I.M.'s TTRPG Book Club, a club of nearly 100 members at the time of writing this where we regularly nominate, vote on, and then play indie TTRPGs! At the time of writing this, we are playing Eureka: Investigative Urban Fantasy, and sign-ups are closed for actually playing it, but you can still join in to pick up a PDF club copy of the rulebook to read and follow along with discussion, and sit in on and observe sessions! There is no schedule obligation for joining this club, as we keep things very flexible by assigning multiple GMs with different timeslots each round, to try and accomodate everyone! This round, we had over thirty people sign up, and were able to fit in all but one! Here is the invite link! See you there!

[pbandjesse]

I don't feel as exhausted today but I don't feel particularly good still. I sent a message to the Doctor because my incision is concerning and hurts and now my insides hurt too. So hopefully they can see me ASAP.

Last night wasn't bad though. Sylvia cooperated and slept for good chunks of time. I was able to sleep from midnight until 145, and then let me sleep until 3. Amazing. Great progress baby, keep it up.

When I woke up this morning I was struggling to get up. I texted James and asked for a breakfast sandwich because I thought having something to look forward to it would make me feel like getting out of bed. And I was right. I still didn't feel good but at least there was sandwich.

I didn't like my first outfit. My second one was a little better. I knew it would be cooler today but also didn't realize it would be so brisk. A layer day for sure.

James went to get dressed and I picked up things around the kitchen before eating my sandwich. And then it was just hanging out on the couch.

I was just kind of melancholy this morning. James asked if I wanted to do anything and I was just. Feeling down. It sucked.

The only thing I wanted to do, if I wanted to accomplish something, was to go find my lotion because I'm out. So we would load up Sylvia and went to Harris teeter. Where I was finally able to find the Nivea creme in the glass jar. Amazing.

We would pick up another couple things. Some peppers. Some hand soap. And headed home. James asked if I wanted to go out to eat but I was just so empty feeling, all I wanted was to go home.

When we got back here I just laid on the studio couch with Sylvia and tried to not feel so sad. But I think she knew I was upset. And I couldn't calm her down so she was just laying on me and yelling and I felt bad.

James would come and take her to give her lunch and when she was calm I still didn't take her back. I just needed to lay alone for a while. I was very close to falling apart. My insides hurt and I was anxious about the leaking from my incision. I sent a message to the doctors. And to just go and clean it again and tried to be alright.

I had mozzarella sticks for lunch and worked on my look for a while. Got a few rows done. And at 2 we would all pack up and headed to Cylburn Arboretum for arbor day.

I was feeling a little better. But it was colder out then I expected. Could have used another layer or a hat. It made me worried that Sylvia was cold but she was bundled up to James who is a human space heater. So I think he was pretty good.

We would get there first in time to go on a guided walking tour of the Biggest trees (of each breed of tree) in the city/state. It was interesting how some trees looked pretty small but of their type of tree, they were the biggest. I enjoyed asking questions and hearing James's questions. And Sylvia was mostly good. A little fussing at times. But we had a bottle ready.

I also chatted with some of the ladies in the group. About different plants and informing people about the Second Chance Plants that we had gone too. Just giving some good tips. It was good.

Me and James pealed off at the end of the tour to find a bench and feed Sylvia. And it was nice sitting together but I was a little cold. So I wasn't to sad when it was time to go home.

I was happy to be home though. I was just really cold. So after we got Sylvia settled and happy in her bassinet James would go downstairs to work on some stuff and I went and took a shower.

I washed my hair. My psoriasis is coming back on my head and chest and torso which is really frustrating but hopefully I'll get my injections soon. I have some topicals but it's not a great fix when I have lots of spots. Just trying to not pick but man is it hard.

The shower helped a little. And when I was dressed I would get comfy with Sylvia in bed. And soon James was bringing us dinner. A salad and a grilled cheese and some fries. It was very good. I do wish I had a cookie now but we are having a nice time hanging out. I am trying very hard to be positive and feel alright. Eating helped.

I did hear back from the doctor asking if I could come in. I just let them know I could come whenever they want. I just want to feel better. I don't want to be cut open again. But maybe they can give me a medication.

Now though James is finishing their own dinner and I watch a video about some documentaries. And I think we are going to start a new show and just spend some time hanging out together. I hope it cheers me up.

Tomorrow I hope they give me a doctor's appointment to see if they can help my incision and make me feel better. And maybe I work on art or something. I just hope it is a better day.

I hope you all have a good night tonight. I hope we all get good sleep. Everyone stay safe!!

[pleathewrites]

boys, boys, boys — chapter 4

summary:

“All of our boyfriends wanted to make out with you at some point.”

“Yeah, and some of them succeeded.”

(10 years ago, Hajime was 65% sure that Oikawa was in love with him.)

rating: T pairing: iwaizumi x oikawa (main!!) + iwaizumi x sugawara, iwaizumi x semi, iwaizumi x akashi, iwaizumi x kenma, iwaizumi x tendou, iwaizumi x atsumu themes: fluff and angst, canon complaint, time-skips, slice of life, coming of age, college au (eventually), pining status: work in progress, 4/6

consequences of loneliness

“Uhm. So. There is one thing I never told you.”

Now, Hajime is all for total honesty when it comes to his best friend, but he also respects the sanctity of a promise. To be frank, Hajime is willing to tell Oikawa every small, sordid, silly detail of his own life, but the privacy of others is a whole other story — unlike his menacing other half, Hajime is not a gossip.

While he’s freaking out about whether or not to break his moral code, Kenma unhooks his arms from Akaashi’s neck — ‘right, when did that happen?’ — and decides to answer the millions of questions running through Oikawa’s nosy mind, “Oh, wow, Hajime. I’m honestly quite touched you never told Oikawa-san. You know you didn’t have to keep it a secret for four whole years, right?”

Oikawa’s jaw snaps shut and his eyebrow twitches, “A secret, Iwa-chan?” The accusation drips like honey from pretty pink lips and clogs Hajime’s throat shut, “Do tell — any of you, really, seems like I’m the only one out of the loop.”

The pleasant mask his best friend uses to cover his hurt is cracking by the second, and Hajime feels the sole responsibility of wielding the guilty hammer upon his bones, phantom vibration shaking the phalanges of his empty hands. 

And Kenma, of course, is a man who has no problem dealing the final blow, “Ah, well… It’s not that big of a deal,” He tucks his bang behind his ear, and Hajime is momentarily distracted by how long the man’s hair has grown — no longer chunkily bleached at the bottom with the makings of a DIY dye job but instead flowing down with the twinkles of caramel woven into his natural color, “We sort of had an… ah, experimental summer fling.” 

“Oh.”

“Heh,” The slick slide of Hajime’s nerves slips against Oikawa’s clenched fist, and he scrambles to wrap his sweaty fingers over his friend’s delicately indestructible wrist, “Let’s, uh, all catch up later. I just remembered I left my oven on — it was nice running into you guys, bye!” 

Dragging a frozen Oikawa is just as difficult as Hajime remembers, but where his worst-half is a balanced meal of strength, speed, and sense, Hajime is a hefty chunk of raw muscle. 

Bokuto’s painfully earnest, “He’s gonna drive all the way back home this late?” propels the speed of Hajime’s quickening calves, and Kuroo’s distant, “No, Bo, you’re so cute. That was just an excuse — can’t believe he still has to make those to get Oikawa alone,” propels the blood miraculously still left in his body to rush up his face. 

What on Earth is in the air tonight? Were the Gods really so bored they decided to systematically slap Hajime in the face with every intimate part of his life until he’s bruising red in front of the one person he’d wanted since he was an unknowingly lovesick seventeen-year-old boy? Does the universe find joy in forcing Hajime to recall every mortifying manifestation of all the ways he’s tried to find Oikawa in every single person he’s ever pressed his lips to?

The humiliation doesn’t lie within seeing his ex-somethings; Hajime is a mature adult who ended on good terms with everyone he’s ever touched in ways boys can only do in the dark privacy of pining curiosity. No, this isn’t about simply running into the men he’s given so many different parts of himself to. It’s about shoving those gifts in Oikawa’s face within the span of thirty fucking minutes, offerings he’s spent countless nights fantasizing about bestowing to the person who owns his very soul — in an alternate timeline, a different chosen path, or simply another life. 

“Iwa-chan,” Oikawa digs his feet into the ground once they’ve reached a corner far, far away from potential misfortunate intruders, “What is going on?”

Hajime takes a deep breath and wills himself to turn around and face the consequences of his dramatic exit, “Okay, before you freak out — ”

“ — Oh, that’s rich. I’m the one freaking out?” Oikawa rolls his eyes and shakes the wrist Hajime still grips tightly, “You’re the one running away from your apparent secrets!”

And — yeah, his friend has a point. 

Hajime sighs and drops Oikawa’s hand, “Okay, so… You remember that guy I told you about, during my internship? The one I asked you for advice on how to let down gently? When you had the brilliant idea to just, ‘rip off the bandaid’?”

And, well, no one could ever claim Oikawa Tooru of being slow.

Caramel eyes widen in disbelief, “Oh my — Pudding-chan?” His quiet gasp is muffled by the slender fingers covering his mouth, “No…”

Hajime’s head hangs in shame.

CLICK TO CONTINUE READING ON AO3

[elshells]

Recently I've been getting back into playing DND, and since I'm also trying to get back into interacting with people on this site, I'd figure I'd share with y'all my new-ish hobby of making dice!

For about a year I've been seeing a lot of Instagram reels of people pouring resin into molds and inking the numbers of their homemade dice, and I've always been inspired and mesmerized by these videos. And it just so happens that right before the new year I was gifted the materials to make my own resin dice! So here's what I've made in the last few months (lots of info-dumping/interest sharing under the cut):

This was my very first attempt, done specifically as a test run without any sort of pressure to look good. I was going for an oxidized copper look, but the dye cured much lighter than I expected (though it's a translucent dye so I really shouldn't have been surprised), so in the end I got more of an amber color, which I'm honestly not mad about!

I also mixed in some green glitter, since that was the only other additive I had received other than the dye, and it looks alright, but a lot of the chunkier pieces did sink to one side, so I haven't used it since. The numbers are green to compliment the glitter, and I'm happy with how it turned out, although honestly I could have gone with any other color and they would probably still look good!

At the time, I didn't have a pressure pot to cure it in, so there are some pretty significant bubbles (if you look closely you can see a big chunk missing out of the top of the d4), but there honestly weren't as many as I was expecting! Overall, while these dice are nothing special and aren't very interesting visually to look at, for my first set I'm very proud of them! 6.5/10 dice

At this point, I had bought a pressure pot, so I was feeling more confident in my ability to produce more polished dice. This set was inspired by my first ever DND character (who I recreated as my first Tav in Baldur's Gate 3), a wood elf barbarian/druid named Thaedhel. This reminds me that I haven't talked about Thaedhel on this account at all, which is weird considered I even commissioned some dope art for her, so note to self that I need to make a post gushing about her at some point XD

Anyways, back to the dice. This... was my fourth attempt, and I'm still not pleased with the results. That being said, my goals for this set are lofty, so it's still just a work in progress. This attempt has the best color; I was able to achieve a deep forest green that the previous sets lacked, and the white plumes (meant to represent moonlight for a moon druid) turned out beautifully! The white dye is not translucent, so I had issues before with cloudiness, but this is the best result yet. There's even a pinch of glow-in-the-dark mica powder in the white, so the dice actually glow blue once activated by blacklight! Unfortunately I don't have a picture of that, but maybe once I've perfected them!

Now, for the gripes. For one thing, there's a small red flower in the center of each dice, which unfortunately got swallowed up by the dyes and are only visible from specific angles. I now know that I should have included a clear resin window to keep them from getting lost, so that will be fixed in the future. But for the most part, I was happy with them; I had bought a new mold that included a barrel and crystal d4, and once I took them out I thought they had cured nicely, especially since there were no bubbles to be seen. That is, until I inked in the numbers. I wanted to paint all of the numbers copper except for the highest number on each dice, which is a nice bloody red to represent barbarian rage. But once I started to paint them, I realized how deformed these dice truly were; warped, uneven edges and rough faces that made it impossible to cleanly ink the numbers. The picture actually hides it relatively well, but in person these are some messy dice. Oh, well. Looks like I've got some work to do. 4/10 for the color scheme and not much else.

This is my magnum opus, and it's only about two-weeks old. Inspired by my current character, a tiefling bard named Enyo, I was so pleased with how these turned out, both structurally and in terms of color, that I've actually used them in the last couple of sessions (the d20 is 'moderately lucky,' according to my DM). By far, they're my favorite set!

This was my first time using mica powder as a colorant instead of dye, and it looks sooo good in person. I chose the red metallic powder for her Infernal heritage, and the purple powder is for bardic magic. It's color-shifting powder, too, so in person there's greens and reds that pop out of the purple if the light hits in the right way! But imo, inking the numbers is what really brings the set together, and gold felt appropriately classy and regal, plus it pops like crazy! The pictures truly don't do it justice.

This was made with the same mold as the Thaedhel set, and this time I made sure to give the dice some extra time to harden before I pried them out of the mold (I'm guessing that's why the first set came out so misshapen, I am not a patient person lol). It's not a flawless set; there are still a couple of bubbles despite using the pressure pot, but luckily they're not noticeable. And while I wish the two colors had interacted better (I wanted more of a fiery-pluming effect but they ended up mixing and pooling more than I wanted), I still think they came out beautifully and I genuinely can't stop touching and looking at them whenever I see them. Truly some shiny goblin rocks if I ever saw 'em. It's a 9/10 for me.

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 5/30/2023

I feel like I worked really hard last week, and yet I don't actually have much to show for it. I guess a lot of it is little stuff that piled up. I mean, I very much do still have a bit pile of dumb little tasks to do, but it's smaller than it was last week. I feel like I've had to do a lot of driving and socializing lately, too, which not only take up time, but wipes me out both before and after.

If you like extra features, I did finish up my go places addenda post last week. I have a lot of ao3 comments to reply to, but aside from that, I guess I'm pretty much done with that one. It gave me a lot of grief while I was writing it, but in the end, I think I'm pretty happy with how it turned out, and I have some good feelings about the end stages of sitting with it.

Onward and upward!! Sorry if this is old hat to my regular followers, but just to get everyone up to date, the new project is Ductwork, the next part of Heart is a Muscle. The preview summary I slapped on the end of What We Do with Our Hearts reads "Renji tries to not make it a big deal when he gets his long-damaged kidou ducts fixed; Rukia is having none of it. Byakuya would like to be removed from this narrative and yet can't seem to manage it."

I started it about a year ago, immediately finishing Hearts, and knocked out about 7700 words of it at the time. I'm kinda gun-shy, because last summer I really really wanted to finish a little in love and I tried and failed (tried and died, basically), a thing that has not been made better by the fact that people have started sending sad little messages like "i hope you finish this someday..." That being said, I am trying to be more realistic about my capabilities, especially because I have a lot more Mom-duties in the summertime. My goal is to make 20,000 words of progress before I fizzle out this time. I mean, if I do finish it, that would be great! I'm not gonna stop dead if I hit 20k. I do hope to participate in the Bleach Returns event this July, but whether that consists of a small break or a big break, I don't know. We'll see.

So, I already have a significant chunk of the first act done, but I'm having trouble moving forward, because I don't have a great idea of how the second act is gonna go. For now, it's two acts, it's evolving, and I'm letting it. I'm trying to let myself exist in creative mode and have some fun with that. In that vein, I just went ahead and let myself write The Big Scene, the scene that is the entire reason I am writing this fanfic. I wrote 3500 words on it this week. It's not done yet, but I am having fun. I've also been having little bursts of inspiration for scenes that follow and other things I want to do, so overall, I am in a good place. It's nice. This is good.

The overall document length at the moment is 12,617, which means I've done about 5k words since I started working on it, which is a quarter of the way there! That's distinctly Not Bad!!

In other news, I've been increasingly dissatisfied with Google Docs, so I am experimenting with writing this one in Microsoft Word. I don't deal with change well, so for now, I hate it, but I'm figuring out ways to make it more the way I like, and at least it doesn't constantly reload back to the top of the page. I will keep you updated. It's not like I can't just cut and paste it back into the other program, which I would end up doing anyway, because GDocs works pretty well for beta-reading and the AO3 auto-html script is handy.

[loregoddess]

aaaaaaAAAAAAAAA (TOR ft. Barnicia Castle edition, where none of the battles were as hard as I was expecting)

I MANAGED TO RECRUIT CATIUA. Fucking, like I knew from out-of-context spoilers that I saw months and months before the game that made no sense until I was far enough into it that there was the potential that she would kill herself (and actually I fucked up the dialogue options and did get that outcome, but I just uhhhh....re-fought Lanselot bc like, the battle was really easy and I wanted to see if saying the other option would bail me out, I was that hellbent on un-dooming Catiua--although I would have accepted my fate if the other dialogue option had not saved her), but goddamn she's finally playable, I can give her some items to hold and make it so she's not running towards enemy's to smack them on their head (although she has the best staff for smacking people, which is SO in-character for her). Also the sibling dynamics between Catiua and Denam--even if they're not blood-related--really are some of the most fictional sibling dynamics of all time. Couldn't save Mr. "the narrative can't doom me if I doom myself first" Vyce, but at least I un-doomed Catiua.

Haven't been able to do much past that since the union level got raised, so now I want to level-grind all my units (which is almost half dragons and beasts), and afterwards I'm going to poke around the Pirate's Graveyard (which I was calling "grove" for some reason) to see if I can progress that sub-quest (and miiiight try out completing a handful of PotD levels bc I know there're hydras in that dungeon and that is the only dragon I am missing). But like, major story progress was made, Catiua is alive

(I know the in-game mechanics and story are a bit separate, but I really do wonder what her reaction to "welcome to Denam's small army, which is half people and half dragons and beasts, all recruited by the one and only recruited human, btw we are searching for MORE dragons and beasts don't question this"--also I saw a lich in one of my Pirate's Graveyard dives and like, if I can I'm gonna try and recruit one of those guys too--I probably won't be able to, bc like, certain "legendary" enemies, like the crystal and onyx dragons, krakens, and gorgons don't seem to be recruitable, WHICH IS A SHAME, but like it would still be soooo funny to drag some dude who looks like a corpse into the army)

also as a side note, I think it's really funny that like, I struggled SO much with Oz and Ozma, but all of the other dark knights have been? surprisingly easy to deal with? even fuckface Lanselot? okay he could insta-kill people, but like, I have every single character equipped with revive orbs, so while I missed out on the map reward like, he wasn't that bad (and Rudlum took several nice chunks of his health out for me, very glad I hit up the PotD before Barnicia, even if I couldn't make it that far into the dungeon, if just to pick up this weirdo mage). Also Hobyrim I keep bringing you into battle with the dark knights and NO ONE has said anything about it so far, including Lanselot who I known damned well knows your name at least, so what gives? (I am still waiting to unlock the forbidden Hobryim backstory)

[stickyicky636]

Simplicity Ch.3

They ended up talking for hours. Well mostly Mirabel. That was in fact the woman’s name. Lucius couldn’t tell her much about himself without revealing too much so he mostly just sat and listened. Still he didn’t mind. Hearing her talk about her life was fascinating.

She was a farmer who volunteered down at her local library on the weekends. Hence the rough hands. Apparently she came from a large family, but she didn’t talk to any of them much anymore. She’d moved to this town a bit over 11 years ago and had set up shop right on the edge. Her produce was in the supermarket every day around there. Lucius found everything she was saying enthralling.

Eventually they did have to go inside and get some breakfast. They sat at the bar, still holding hands, and ate a very hearty meal of bacon, eggs, biscuits, and fruit. They continued to talk about mundane things for awhile before she asked him a question he had hoped could wait.

“So, do you have a family?”

Lucius didn’t know what to reply. Did he still have a family? He didn’t want to lie, but how to explain that he chose the side of literal evil and now his family wanted nothing to do with him. Lucius could feel his deatheater tattoo eat at his skin at that moment.

“Things are complicated, but I do have a son.”

She gasped and looked absolutely tickled at that response. “You do? When can I meet him? Oh I can’t wait to cook him his favorite dish! How old is he?”

“He’s 19. I’m sure he would love for you to cook for him, but unfortunately he wants nothing to do with me.” Even stating those words out loud hurt Lucius. He may not have been the perfect father, but he loved Draco with everything he was.

Mirabel must have noticed his forlorn look because she finally let go of his hand and draped her hand across his shoulders. Her snug to his side. Her head on his bicep. It was comforting. Knowing she was there for him. “It’s gonna be okay. We’ll get the chance to make amends some day, and when that day comes we will.”

Lucius was thankful she didn’t say she was sorry. He didn’t want pity from anybody, but especially not from her. He also couldn’t help but notice she said we. “Thank you. I hope you’re right.” Lifting his hand up he placed it on the one on his shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze. That seemed to be enough for her and she moved back to sit in her chair properly.

The rest of the time she was there they spoke of mundane topics. Little nothings that meant everything to him. She didn’t pry into his tumultuous family life, and she didn’t seem to judge him for not talking to his son.

Mirage was an excellent talker. She seemed to let words flow out of her like water over the smooth stones at the bottom of a stream. How envious he was of her in that moment. Lucius couldn’t for the life of him get words to flow so smoothly. They came out of his mouth in chunks and, like molasses, slow. He’d never before had trouble getting his words out, but around her his brain seemed to shortcircuit a small bit. Still she didn’t seem to be perturbed by it so he just let the day progress as it was going too.

Eventually it became almost lunch time and she said she had to go. Lottie had called her last night, and told her about Lucius. Which was the only reason she’d come by the pub this morning at all. It seemed she spent most of her days on her farm working. A shame she couldn’t spend all day with him, but that was okay. Surely he could find something to amuse himself in his room. Lucius would probably crack open one of the old books he’d brought with him.

Their parting was heartfelt and long. It seemed she didn’t want to go just as much as he didn’t want her too. The sands of time never cease however and eventually Mirabel explained that too much time had passed and she absolutely had to leave him.

He let her leave with one last squeeze of her hand. Lucius wanted to pull her into a kiss and smother her in his arms, but he knew that was too soon. As nice and touch positive as she was Lucius knew it was far too soon for such things. Doesn’t mean he wouldn’t be thinking of it though.

He stood where she left him for a while after her departure. Staring at where she had gone in that death machine muggles called a car. Eventually though he did go inside. Lucius ate a quick meal at the bar before leaving to go to his room. On the way he stopped to speak with Lottie and extend his stay another week. He thought about thanking her, but why should he? She wasn’t doing it for him after all. He almost did still.

In his room all he did was read for the rest of the day. There wasn’t much else for him to do. He didn’t know the town and didn’t feel like learning it. Plus he was still having trouble reconciling in his head that he was going to be living amongst them if everything went well.

No. He’d just stay in his room until tomorrow. Hopefully Mirabel would come by the pub again so they could have breakfast.

[miloscat]

[Review] Dead Cells (ATV)

I'm not sure if it's the first "RogueVania" but it's a cool one.

Another recent Apple Arcade addition, this roguelite platformer from a small French studio hooked my interest with the recent announcement of a DLC pack crossing over with Castlevania. When that made its way to this port it was on. As always this version has touchscreen support but I played it on Apple TV with my trusty Dualshock 4.

The teething problems began when the game refused to save my progress on shutdown. The system had neglected to log me in on Game Centre, so my initial few hours were lost. Forcibly closing the app was also a necessary part of my experience at times, due to a strange audio bug that interpolated rhythmic interruptions into the music. Not ideal when the Castlevania rearrangements were a selling point of that expansion. I could turn the music off in settings, but it also affected jingles which were tied to sound effects volume, and I relied on audio cues for gameplay. The audio hitching also got worse over time, and additionally caused stuttering in the game itself. Yikes.

When I got around these issues my experience improved. There's a huge variety of weapons and abilities, and you're always unlocking more. Since the weapons can handle quite differently, it keeps your basic combat mehcanics fresh on repeated runs (although none of the passive "mutations" seemed very powerful or interesting to me). Having all the DLC enabled straight away in the Apple Arcade version also gets you a lot more stuff as well as levels to pass through. Between each stage is a rest zone where you can power up, and use your "cells" (the higher tier currency) to unlock permanent stuff. I had a much better time with the meta-progression when I realised you could partially invest these in things rather than saving them up (and in my case, often losing big chunks of them).

I did lose motivation at times thanks to how easy it is to suddenly die. Losing an hour-long run with a decent build before getting to my goal was a bummer, especially towards the end when all I wanted to do was finish the Castlevania content. The randomness factors into this too: the procedurally generated levels work well, but the heavy luck quotient on whether you get a decent weapon or synergies gets old. Naturally it's the nature of this kind of game to be that way, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

Castlevania was a good fit for guest-starring in this game. The basic gameplay is kind of similar, the areas having that bit of exploration and mapping. Combat here is based around having two slots for melee and ranged weapons (one of each usually works well), along with a powerful dodge roll which should get a lot of use, as well as two skill slots for deployable traps/grenades/pets/buffs/etc.; the crossover items fit into these in fun ways. The rich, moody pixel art environments acquit themselves well, with series regular baddies making for cool reinterpretations into the game's exaggerated, pseudo-pre-rendered style for enemies. The jokey tone to interactions nicely balances the legitimate worldbuilding.

Although it's rough going at times, there's a lot to like in Dead Cells. Even if it's just pointing at the screen and saying "I recognise that" when they do little shoutouts to other indie hits. (This actually makes for some particularly cool gimmick weapons too.) The Apple Arcade port seems to be a bit buggy on my setup unfortunately, but having all the expansions included—even the brand new Castlevania one—is a big plus. It's the sort of game you could sink a ton of time into and still be finding new things, or just have a few successful runs (eventually) and call it a day like I did. I do recommend using a guide to find the permanent movement unlocks first though.

[kamino-blues]

for your 200 follower drabbles (congrats by the way!) i would like to request one with Wolffe please! Wolffe is very much an ‘I hate everyone but you’ kind of person who’s only nice to his significant other so if you could write something like that it would be super cool!

Warnings: Soft! Wolffe, pre-relationship (but basically acting as though they are in one), hugs

Word Count: 861

Note: Thank you boo!! 😊 Ok so I love that 'I hate everyone but you' energy, the characters I tend to have crushes on usually have that vibe... Needless to say I have a big crush on Wolffe and this prompt gave me the perfect excuse to write for him so thank you again <3 I might have accidentally strayed a little bit from the prompt,, but I just wanted to write as much cute stuff for Wolffe as I could!

It was barely noticeable at first. The softened gazes Wolffe would send you, the ghost of his hand hovering over your back as he navigated with you through the halls of the cruiser. The ‘Are you ok?' he would quietly ask after brutal missions. They were moments that happened quickly, and then vanished after seconds.

As time progressed, these moments grew longer and occurred much more often. The small smiles as you told Wolffe stories, him bringing you caf in the morning, him joining you in your office as you both worked on battle reports late into the night.

Wolffe still had his snark, that was never going to go away, but when you were in his presence he would tone it down a little. You were both comfortable in each other's presence, and Wolffe was starting to open up a lot more to you.

So your interactions continued evolving, to the point where Wolffe was even comfortable with physical touches (which completely blew the minds of the people around the both of you). Which led to where you were now, both of you unsure what your relationship truly was.

Your daydreaming about your favorite Commander almost caused you to run into a shiny, and after exclaiming an apology you came back to your senses.

Speaking of the devil, Wolffe wasn't that far ahead of you in the hall. You had no idea how you managed to not notice, but you were grateful that you finally did.

Quickening your pace, you moved through the crowded hallway to catch up with him. Lightly you grabbed onto his right arm, causing him to tense before seeing that it was you.

“Wolffe! I’ve been looking all over for you!” You announced, looking up at the taller man. Wolffe raised an eyebrow at you, leaning into your touch.

“Oh really?” You nodded eagerly, squeezing his arm before letting go, falling into step with him.

“It’s been a while since I saw you, how did the mission go?” Wolffe’s gaze softened, still not used to how much you cared for him.

“I’ll tell you over battle reports later, I have to go to a meeting. I’ll meet you at your office in a little bit, I promise.” Wolffe gave your shoulder a light squeeze, before he started to go his separate way. A small smile slipped over his lips as he heard you yell ‘bye!’ as you walked away.

“Seems like you’ve got it bad commander~” Sinker declared with a smirk as he and Boost approached.

Wolffe’s smile quickly turned into a glare as he elbowed Sinker in the ribs, moving to slip his helmet on. He ignored Boosts laughter as they headed for the meeting room.

“I seriously hate both of you,” Wolffe growled under his breath, causing the two of them to laugh to themselves even more.

As you walked away you couldn’t help but have a smile slip over your face. The bond you had with Wolffe was unspoken, but you both knew that there was something there.

So as you slipped into your office, moving to your desk, you couldn’t help the butterflies that fluttered in your chest.

A few hours passed, and you were starting to doze off. Wolffe probably didn't realize how long the meeting was going to take, but you got a huge chunk of your work done so you couldn't complain.

You felt your eyes drifting close, and you weren't able to stop yourself from resting your eyes. You were scheduled to work whenever Wolffe got here, so a little rest wouldn't hurt.

Sleeping at your desk was surely not what Wolffe was expecting when he walked into your office, two cups of caf in his hands. A chuckle slipping from his lips, he stepped forward, trying not to make that much noise as he placed the cups onto your desk.

Slipping his helmet off, putting it on the floor next to the chair that he claimed all those months ago when he first met you. Wolffe honestly did not want to wake you, watching you for a few moments as he debated on what to do.

In the end he walked to your side, bending down so that he was at your eye level. Wolffe lightly shook your shoulder, another chuckle slipped from his lips as you slowly opened your eyes, giving him a groan.

“Cyare, I didn’t take you as one to nap on the job,” Wolffe teased with a smirk. You let out a sigh, picking your head out of your arms, stopping when you realized how close you were to him.

“Well that was before you made me wait 3 hours!” You teased back, frowning when Wolffe moved to stand up. He offered you his hand, and you took it quickly. You expected him to let go once you were up, but he just pulled you towards him, wrapping his arms around you.

A large smile slipped onto your face as you wrapped your arms around him. You felt him relax, resting his chin on your head as he muttered a small 'I'm sorry' into your hair.

“But I can possibly forgive you…” You trailed off as you closed your eyes, relaxing in his embrace.

[starsstruck]

strange phenomena; part one.

what happens when we meet again? you and harry have barely seen each other in almost a year. two ex-lovers find themselves in the same snowy town by strange chance, both looking for something they can’t seem to figure out. cafe run-ins, old love letters, and bittersweet nostalgia. 

pairing: harry x reader warnings: language, slight mention of sexual content words: 13.3k

series masterlist

an: thank you for being patient with me. this is just a little story from my little heart shaped brain. thank you to @sunflowers-styles​ for beta-ing and being supportive and the overall best 💌 i hope everyone enjoys and please do let me know what you think ! happy reading xoxo 💌

There was something unsettling about not having a schedule.

Your entire life, you had been told that you weren't supposed to  quit a job without having another one already lined up, and you had been able to keep up with that. Until now.

The impulse to leave the office that left you frustrated, tired, and overworked had been bubbling up inside of you for years, and it was only a mere couple months ago that you finally snapped.

Snapped, grabbed your things, and quite literally ran away. Call it a life crisis, maybe considered somewhere between a quarter and a mid, but there was something about simply leaving everything behind that took a temporary weight off your shoulders.

Which is how you ended up in a little town in eastern France, staring out the window of the café where you sat and watched the snowfall that had just picked up again.

There was an emptied mug on your side, crumbs of a delicious pastry sitting on a plate, and a blank page in your worn notebook. You had everything you needed to work: your favourite playlist softly playing in your ears so you wouldn’t get too distracted by conversations around you, not one but two notebooks filled with a year's worth of thoughts, and warm clothes that wouldn’t leave you with indents in your skin after sitting for too long.

But apparently that didn’t necessarily mean that you would be making much progress. 

Five days since you had gotten to Annecy. A friend of yours had moved out to the old tourist town a number of years ago after meeting her partner, and they were nice enough to let you stay with them. Five days of trying to work and still no progress.

You had daydreams of sitting down, words easily flowing as you would fill pages until the sun set. But it was only five days, a little leeway was okay, wasn’t it?

That idea of a bit of little leeway, however, was constantly being bullied by the big label of unemployed. You knew very well, soon the need for a job would be coming back and all those daydreams would have to go back on a hiatus.

But here on the fifth day, after picking at the crumbs of your long gone croissant, you decided to pack up your things and call it a day. That was the one thing you were able to do – tell yourself that today nothing would be done and that was okay, instead of spending the rest of the hours until midnight forcing yourself to do something.

So you buttoned up your wool coat, wrapped on your scarf and stepped out into the light snow to trudge back to your temporary housing.

Harry had seen you the second time you were there.

You were a creature of habit - just as he was apparently so - and you seemed to always return to the same café, the small but warm La buvette du marché, tucked away in the old town.

He nearly fell over his feet when he saw you sitting in the corner, earbuds in and eyebrows furrowed so deeply he could see the creases in your skin, even from the distance he stood away from you.

He left in a hurry, in a panic. He told himself that he had likely imagined it, maybe he was still jet-lagged, maybe his mind was tricking him, maybe it was some odd lucid dream during an afternoon nap.

But then he saw you again, on the fifth day as you packed up your things in a huff and hugged your coat tighter around your chest. You looked too wrapped up in your own thoughts to even notice anyone else around you, except for the quick smile that you shot to the older woman behind the counter before you were walking out into the darkening street.

Harry couldn’t help but slightly spiral a bit more. He tried to recall any mention from remaining mutual friends, or even acquaintances, about you coming here, but couldn’t remember. He even considered calling some, but decided against it in a quick grounding moment when he realized that it would seem far too odd.

Even more so, he couldn’t believe that you found yourself in the small town at the same time as him. In the same place. At the same time.

It was all too familiar.

He took that as a good sign.

The seventh day – now a week in – you were back at the café.

This time you had managed to scribble down some ideas. Last night you had barely slept, tossing and turning as you tried to force your brain to come up with something, anything.

Just as it always went, as you were falling asleep it seemed like you had an idea going but unconsciousness soon took over and you were left with bits and pieces to pick up.

Today, you hadn’t gotten something to eat right away and instead told yourself that once you got a good chunk of work done, you would treat yourself to something sweet and a little break.

Harry, by not so much of a coincidence, was also back.

He liked the small town of Annecy, winter was a bit of an off season no matter its proximity to the Alps, and it was lowkey enough to where he could easily keep a low profile and go as he pleased.

He walked over to the same café in the late afternoon, hoping that maybe maybe you would already be there. It was making him nervous. But maybe you wouldn’t be there, and that would stress him out even more because maybe this was all a dream?

But there you were, twirling a black pen between your fingertips as you subconsciously chewed at the inside of your lip. He could tell by the way your chin was slightly protruding, and the way your lips moved lightly. He almost hated himself for being able to notice such a thing.

This time, you were the one to look up at him.

And lucky for him, or maybe unlucky he wasn’t sure yet, he was already staring back at you.

He could see a flurry of thoughts filter through your eyes. Your eyebrows unknotted for a moment, before furrowing even tighter this time with your mouth slightly parting and then closing.

He tried to smile, finding himself shuffling closer to you as he tried to recall how to use his feet and his voice. Calming down just the slightest bit when you offered him a tiny wave, he took that as all he needed to keep walking the path that led to your table.

And then he was standing a mere few feet in front of you.

When you spoke, it made it all that more real for Harry.

Obviously, you were physically there in front of him, something he couldn’t have imagined happening to him now, but the quiet “hi” that escaped past your lips made blood rush to his ears.

He cleared his throat – he didn’t really need to, he just felt he could use the extra second – before repeating the greeting back to you. “Hey…”

You couldn’t break his gaze. Seeing – and hearing – the hesitation in him, you almost wanted to tell him to leave you alone and try and forget this had ever happened. Maybe leave for some place else.

But you really didn’t want to do that.

“What,” the word was a puff of air. He felt out of breath. “What are you doing here?”

What were you doing here?

“Working,” was all you said, wincing slightly at the way the statement sounded. You felt like your heart was about to explode, like all words seemed to escape you and that the floor was about to crack open and swallow you up.

He only stared at you.

You sat up straighter, lifting a hand from where it was resting on the table to motion to the empty chair across from you. “You can have a seat – if you’d like.”

It was like he was on a three second lag, staring at you for a moment too long before reacting to your words. With a quick nod, he sat himself down across from you, bag falling to the floor near where yours was. He kept his coat on.

“Nellie’s really letting you work from here?”

You didn’t miss the slight pettiness of his words.

Shaking your head, you decided to ignore it and instead rolled your lips into your mouth before glancing back up at him. “No, I uh – I quit.”

His eyebrows shot up so quickly, the sudden change in his expression nearly made you flinch. He quietly kept his eyes on you for a moment longer, as if you were about to tell him that you were joking.

“You did?” He finally said, and if you paid close attention, which of course you were, you could see a little quirk in his lips. “You really quit?”

Unable to help the small chuckle that left your mouth at his reaction, you felt the beginnings of a smile pulling at your lips. “Yeah,” you said softly. “I did.”

A smile was pulling at Harry’s mouth as well – you could tell that he was trying hard not to with the way his lips slightly pursed and he bit them together. But he couldn’t help it.

“Well,” he cleared his throat once more and leaned back in his chair, making himself more comfortable. “Good for you.”

Another silence came over the two of you. Your right hand was pinching the skin of your thigh through your trousers to ground yourself, to remind yourself that Harry was really sitting here in front of you. Out of anywhere he could be.

Everything about him was so familiar. You recognized his coat, the dark green that you knew was so warm to be wrapped up in. His hair looked longer since the last time he was in front of you, but it also sat slightly messy and unstyled over his head. He was nervously twisting the few rings on his fingers – most of his fingers were bare which was something you hadn’t seen in a while.

Even the way he watched you, his steady stare that seemed to speak to you without needing to say any words, left you to be speechless. 

Of course, you had thought about this moment over in your head countless times.

You fantasized about him showing up at your door, late at night and begging you to talk to him. You thought about running into him when you were out for errands, and would ignore him altogether. You thought about him calling you or what would happen if you called him, what you would talk about and everything he’d tell you. You had dreamt of everything that could possibly happen, but now you sat frozen.

“So uh,” Harry’s voice broke you out of your reverie. “If you quit, where aboust are you working now?”

You bit your lips together. “I’m not…working anywhere. Working for myself, I guess.”

He gave you a surprised look once more. “Writing?”

You only nodded, unable to help the smile that was building on your mouth. And Harry couldn’t help but mirror it.

He took a moment to take you in, closer this time. You were dressed warmly, a thick purple sweater hanging off your shoulders that hit fairly low on your hips, over loose black trousers. The lavender made you glow – he decided it was his new favourite colour on you.

You had a different pendant hanging off your neck, and he could see a second chain hidden beneath the collar of your sweater. A series of pens were in front of you, and he knew that you had been toying with them based on how they were haphazardly thrown over the tabletop. You kept slipping in your bottom lip between your teeth, something he couldn’t help but watch as every time it brought his attention back to your mouth.

He shouldn’t be thinking about your mouth.

“That’s great to hear,” he nodded after another moment too long in silence. “I mean, you know I’ve said this before so I’m not going to say it again but –” he cut himself off, already finding himself rambling. “It’s good. I’m glad that you’re doing it.”

You chuckled again, and he felt himself melt a bit deeper into the chair across from you. “I’ve really barely started but. Thank you, Harry.”

It was the first time he’d heard you say his name in so long. He liked hearing it, he missed hearing it.

“’Course,” was all he said. “I’m happy to hear that you’re writing.”

Another silence when you simply nodded.

“Why did you come here?” He spoke softly, the somewhat elephant in the room getting aired as you briefly averted his gaze.

“Wanted to get away,” you said honestly. “And Eloise offered for me to live with her for a bit, so it was an easy decision.”

“Easy,” he mused, repeating the word as he momentarily pulled at the sleeves of his sweater. “Taking some time to relax?”

“Something like that,” you paused, thinking of how to ask him the same thing. “How about you – are you passing through or…?”

He lightly shook his head, drumming his fingertips over his thigh. “I’m here for some time.”

“Oh,” you closed the notebook in front of you, leaning your forearm over it. You opened your mouth to say something else, but you seemed to not remember how to form words. He jumped back in.

“I’m here writing as well actually – or trying to.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Album?”

“Yeah,” he rubbed his hand over the back of his neck, leaning forward in the chair again to rest his forearms over the tabletop, similar position that you were sitting in as you both lent forward. “Been trying to get it done for far too long now.”

You remembered – you remembered in your last weeks together his frustration over his inability to be happy with what he was creating for his third album. You held your lips closed with your teeth for a moment, unsure of which thread to follow. He continued once again after you didn’t say anything.

“I’m here alone,” he paused. “Staying in a small place just outside of town.”

You couldn’t help the quiet scoff. “You’re never alone.”

He laughed to himself. “I am this time.”

You both felt like you were circling around the same thing. You were the first one to voice it. “So you decided to come… here. To Annecy.”

He looked at you dead in the eyes, as if challenging you. “Yeah, I did.”

Another silence fell, this one seeming to be heavier than all the other one’s combined.

“It was –” Harry finally broke the silence after what seemed like ten minutes. You wished your brain was working at the moment. “It’s really nice seeing you.”

You gave him a gentle smile. “You too.”

He tucked his feet under his chair, ready to push back from the table and stand. He was ready to leave the café, think about this moment every hour of the days to come until he managed to let it go. If that’s what you wanted.

But you didn’t.

“I’ll leave you to it. I don’t want to keep you from your work for too long,” he sounded nearly remorseful as he blindly reached for his bag at the floor, not wanting to look away from you.

“Wait –” you said way too quickly, but you didn’t care. “Stay – if you want.”

He paused every movement he was making, glancing up at you with a growing grin. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you nodded, familiar warm feeling spreading through your chest when his expression eased. “We barely caught up.”

Harry slowly leant back into the chair, nodding with a hint of a smile playing at his lips. “Okay – I’d like that.”

He unzipped his jacket then, resting it on the back of his chair and pushed the sleeves of his sweater up over his elbows. Leaning forward again, this time not to stand but to take a peek at the mug sitting in front of you.

“Did you want another?”

“Still working on this one,” you smiled in thanks, grabbing the cup with the lukewarm coffee to take a little sip.

Harry quickly had his own coffee in front of him, clutching the little mug in his hands as if it would act as some kind of buffer between the two of you.

“I hope you stormed out of that office,” he told you, after once more asking if you had seriously quit your job.

“Wasn’t that dramatic, unfortunately,” you laughed, also wishing that you had the guts to cause a scene and walk out of work. “I gave my notice, had a very civil last chat with Nellie and that was really it. Can’t really afford to burn any bridges.”

Harry didn’t want to comment too much on your recent unemployment, the emotionally exhausting nature of your previous job being a hot topic of conversation when the two of you had been together. He decided it was best to bring up at a later time, if he had the opportunity that is.

“What are you working on now, then?”

You mindlessly picked up a forgotten pen, twirling it between your index and middle finger a few times before letting it fall back down. “What I’ve always said I would.”

“Book?”

You shrugged, not wanting to think about the implications too much. “Something like that.” 

He wanted to ask you about it further, but you easily changed the subject. “How long have you been here then?” 

“Just over a week now,” he took another sip of his coffee. “And you?” 

“A week,” you tried your hardest to stop the way your lips started to curve upwards, at the fact that you had both come around the same time. He seemed to be thinking the same thing, as a little nervous chuckle escaped his mouth. “How is the album coming?” 

His laughter died down. “Not well,” he said honestly. “Nothing really since…” Nothing really since we were last together. 

You nodded, knowing what he was about to say. “Keeping myself busy - I was actually filming for a movie the last few months.” 

“I read that,” you nodded, not realizing you were admitting to slightly keeping up with what your ex was up to. 

Another silence came across the two of you when you both took big sips of your drinks, you finished off the rest of the now cold coffee that had completely lost its charm. 

“You look good,” your voice came out a little quieter. “Rested.” 

You swear you saw a little pink hit his cheeks. “Thank you,” he hummed in response, having a thousand compliments ready for you but none of them found their way past his lips. “Are you allowed to tell me I look good?”

It was a cheap shot, but he took it.

You paused, a small smile pulling at your mouth. “Friends can compliment each other, no?” 

Friends. 

“Of course,” he hid his expression behind the mug that he raised to his mouth. “In that case - you look good - incredible even.” 

He added the second part on a whim, still staring you down as you refused to break his gaze, never one to back down from a subtle staring contest. 

A small sliver of silence passed, before Harry cleared his throat. 

“I hope I’m not keeping you,” he murmured, watching your hands fiddle with the pens that rested more or less untouched on the surface of the table.

“You’re not,” you shook your head. “I’ve barely gotten anything done either way. If anything, I’m distracting you.”

Harry bit his lips together. He was never one to complain about how much you distracted him. “You’re always a welcomed distraction,” he leant his forearms further over the table. “Not so much progress here either.”

“I have a hard time believing that,” you laughed lightly when Harry raised his eyebrows, giving you an incredulous look. “You were constantly writing. Never met anyone with so many filled notebooks.”

“I guess but I – I couldn’t make anything out of it, you know? I don’t know if you remember,” he glanced up as you gave him a little nod. How could you forget about any moment spent together. 

“Still feel just as stuck.” His brows knotted, staring at the table for a few seconds before glancing back up at you. “Sorry, for unloading this on you.”

“No, no it’s okay,” you offered him a sympathetic smile. “It’s okay if it takes you a little longer – if it takes a few tries.”

He forgot how much comfort he could get from your smile. “Thank you,” he murmured. “Feels like I’ve exhausted everything – like there are no words left for me to write.”

You couldn’t help what you said next. You didn’t mean to make it about yourself, you didn’t mean to even say what you did. You simply could not help it.

“Ever write about me?”

Harry stared at you for a few seconds. “You seriously…” he trailed off, eyes slightly wide on you. You had an apology ready on the tip of your tongue when he spoke again. “Filled countless books about you.”

You knew he wrote to you, leaving you little love notes or poems in your home or hidden amongst your things for you to find. Sometimes romantic, sometimes a little more explicit. But for whatever reason, you never imagined him writing a song about you.

He kept speaking in your silence. “You can’t be that humble – you can’t believe that I would never even think about writing about you.”

You didn’t know what to say. “I guess …I don’t know.”

Maybe you had been more successful that you’d thought in pushing memories of him away.

“To be honest, I uh,” now he was the one finding himself at a loss of what to say. “I didn’t want to put out something that was so personally about you. Wanted to keep you to myself.”

He lifted his eyes from the table, meeting yours before quietly murmuring. “Still do.”

A thick silence settled this time. You watched every small twitch in his demeanor – the quick bite of his lip, the bob of his Adam’s apple, the way his eyes flicked around your face just as you were sure yours were doing right now.

And they were, he was analyzing you, making new notes of your every feature that he could see for the thousandth time. He finally broke the silence, his voice sounding so loud all of the sudden.

“Come see what I have written.”

It was less of a question. Whether showing you old writing was really the only intention of the invitation was lost on you - and on Harry as well -  but neither pondered on it too much.  

You hadn’t said anything right away, but he was already reaching back to grab his jacket that was resting over the back of the chair. Slowly, you mirrored his actions and quickly began to pack up the pens and journal that had sat untouched for a good part of an hour.

Once you both stood wrapped in your coats and scarfs, with bags pulled over your shoulders, he met your gaze once more. “You coming?”

“Yeah,” you offered him a tentative smile. You realized you were nervous. Sitting with him in a public café was one thing, but spending time with him alone? That was something completely different that you weren’t sure you were prepared for. “Are we walking?”

“If that’s alright,” Harry nodded. “Staying just up the hill.”

And then you were off, following him in the thickening coat of snow that covered the yet to be plowed streets. Walking side by side at a safe distance, the falling snow hit you from every angle as the wind seemed to be starting to pick up.

Hugging your arms around your chest, you walked in silence for most of the trip.

At one point you were trying to move out of the way for a group of young school kids that were walking by, speaking far too fast for you to catch any words of their french as they excitedly bounced through the snow. Your foot caught on a lift of the sidewalk that was buried under the snow, giving you a momentary loss of balance.

Harry, however, was quick to notice. He had his arm looping through yours before you even realized you were tripping, as he held you upright and close against his side.

He knew that you were watching him, he could feel your eyes burn into the side of his face but he kept his gaze forward. The small kink in his lips gave him away though, when instead of pulling away you cozied yourself a bit more into his side and kept your arm tightly looped with his.

The rest of the walk was spent like that as you both trudged up the hill, out of the hub of the old town and out to the residential area. He quietly led you to his temporary housing, pulling out his set of keys from the inner pocket of his jacket and undid the front door of the building.

Walking up only one flight of stairs, you were soon being ushered inside a nice little apartment that could only be described as a character home. It was neat and cozy, just eclectic enough with tiled kitchen walls and different patterned rugs.

It was exactly the kind of place you had stayed in last time you were here.

“Let me turn the heat up,” Harry muttered, as you both shook off the snow from your hats and hair, hanging up the dampened clothing before warming back up in the apartment.

“Something to drink?” He called from the wall where he was presumably adjusting the heat, as you curiously glanced around the space he was staying in.

“What’ve you got?”

You easily found the kitchen as it was right after the hall from the door. A couple cups sat in the sink but it was otherwise clean. Harry joined you, standing across from you as he went to grab something from the fridge.

“”Have some mulled wine ready to be heated,” he pulled out a thermos.

“That sounds good,” you spoke quietly as you watched him work around the kitchen, grabbing a saucepan to heat it up.

He seemed to be stalling – you supposed you were as well. You didn’t know what you were doing here with him. You saw two possible outcomes, maybe three, but you didn’t know which one you were the most okay with.

Harry felt as though he had either been far too quiet, or was rambling too much. He wanted to ask you everything and find out absolutely everything and anything that had been going on in your life in the past ten months. He needed to calm down.

He heated up the homemade spaced mix, adding in a generous amount of the red wine. After a little moment while you distracted yourself with texting Eloise, you saw him pour a generous amount into each mug before turning off the element on the stove.

He handed you one of the mugs – a painted yellow ceramic one – settling to lean back against the counter across from you while you gripped the handle of your cup. 

You lightly blew on the smoke billowing out from the top, holding the mug out to him in a quiet cheers before each taking a sip.

It was still too hot, but you both seemed to be stalling from whatever was about to unfold and you took any chance to distract yourself that you could. The drink had been a good idea, and was already warming you up – probably both by the liquor and the temperature of the beverage

“Good?” Harry broke the silence, after swallowing another sip of the drink. He had one hand resting over the ledge of the counter, elbow bent with a relaxed shoulder while the other hand held the mug. You wondered if he really was relaxed or just appeared to be – you seemed to be having a hard time reading him at the moment.

“Really good,” you nodded, occupying your mouth with the beverage as you found yourself at a loss of what to say at the moment. “Thank you.”

Conversation seemed to be flowing so nicely in the café, but now it was like you had no idea how to be around each other.

Harry was nervous. When he made the offer to show you the countless unseen songs about you, he hadn’t really thought it through. It had seemed like the right thing to say, and he really did want to share that with you, but things were just so … uncertain.

He could tell, by the way you kept one arm crossed around your front with the other’s arm elbow perched to keep the mug by your lips, you were uneasy. He didn’t want you to be that way, he wanted you to be nothing but comfortable with him.

“So where is that writing you were bragging about?” Your smooth voice broke him out of his daze, as he lifted his eyes back up to see you peering at him from behind the mug.

Rolling his lips in against his teeth, the corners of his lips perked up both at the way you were looking at him and to mask the slight pit of nerves that suddenly appeared. “Give me a sec’”

Leaving his mug with you in the kitchen, he made his way to one of his bags where he knew was packed a series of old notebooks – all taken with him for any kind of inspiration.

Flipping through them, unable to help the way he suddenly grew anxious over the idea of showing these to you. Especially out of the blue. Especially after this sudden reunion.

Deciding what to show you and what not to, he triple checked that he had grabbed the right book before making his way back over to you. He found you exactly where you were previously, mug in one hand with the other holding your phone, quickly typing something with just one thumb.

At the sound of his footsteps, you placed your phone down on the counter and glanced up at your ex. Finding his place across from you in the kitchen, he extended the notebook out towards you. It was clearly worn in, little scribbles of words across the leatherbound cover.

You recognized it. From being perched over his lap, tucked in his bag, next to him on the nightstand. You knew it. 

“This was from that winter – actually think I filled it the last time we were here.” His voice was low, nearly distant as he tried not to look at you.

He didn’t know why he was sharing this with you now – maybe he felt like he needed to prove something, maybe he just missed you.

Wordlessly, you grabbed the worn book from him and tentatively opened it in your palm. Glancing up at him, he was clearly nervous and doing his best not to watch you read his every thought about you.

His eyes were cast to the side, looking out the window as if watching the heavy snowfall. With his arms now crossed over his chest, the thick knit of the sweater he was wearing bunching under his arms, you realized he looked more than nervous, almost worried.

You wondered if this was all a terrible idea.

Having not realized that you were still watching the profile of his face, looking at the way his eyes flicked from the window and down to the untouched mug that sat still on the counter. He grabbed it in a hand, the soft clink of the rings he had on against the ceramic being the only sound in the room.

You were sure he could feel you watching him, so much confirmed when the next place his eyes moved to were your own. Neither of you spoke, instead watched each other closely from either side of the small kitchen.

His expression was practically unreadable to you, something that you didn’t encounter often. You briefly thought he was upset with you, before he muttered. “Going to make dinner, if you’d like to stick around for some.”

Slightly surprised by the offer, even though you realized that when he had invited you to trudge up the hill with him to read a few half finished songs that probably wasn’t the complete intention.

Nodding, you answered with a low “thank you,” as he turned his body around and left the kitchen, no doubt searching for something elsewhere and leaving you to read alone.

Finally flipping open the book to a random page, turning a few pages until it looked less like a mess of scribbles and you could pull out several coherent sentences.

You found a small date written at the top of the page, and realized that this had been right in the middle of your last vacation in Annecy together.

You had to read over every word three, four times, before your hands moved without thinking and you were flipping the page to find more. Laying the spine of the notebook down against the kitchen counter, you leant over above it, completely captivated.

It was all so overwhelmingly beautiful. You didn’t realize that a small puddle of tears was gathering on your waterline until you blinked, and a few of them escaped and slid over the tops of your cheeks. Maybe this hadn’t been a good idea.

It was everything you remembered about being with Harry. Everything you remembered about the last time you were together in the little French town. Every ‘I love you’, every stolen kiss, every touch and feeling shared. It had been the happiest you ever remembered being.

It took you months to forget, or maybe not forget but not think about. And in a flood of it all coming back, you couldn’t help the tears that seemed to come flooding out as well.

Shutting the notebook a bit too quickly, you remained in your hunched position as you sponged at your tears with the back of your hand, wiping them away the best you could. You hadn’t thought about the reality, that there was no possible way you’d be able to handle reading everything that Harry had to say about you.

“Done already?” Harry’s voice startled you, not having heard him rejoin you in the kitchen. You quickly blinked your eyes, knowing there was no possible way to hide the fact that you had been crying but you hoped it wasn’t too obvious.

“No, I –” you cleared your throat lightly, turning around to look at him. You didn’t know what to say to him.

You watched his eyes scan your face, expression softening slightly before offering you a small smile. You assumed the whites of your eyes were reddened, and the skin surrounding was damp and still shiny from the little spill of tears.

He didn’t ask you anything else, and instead grabbed a pot from where it sat cleaned next to the sink and brought it over to the stove. “Do you want to chop the vegetables?”

Nodding with a murmured agreement, he handed you what needed to be cut along with a cutting board and a knife. You were grateful that he glossed over the topic, and now you found yourself biting back a smile. Spending time with him in such a mundane way was comforting. He put on some music, a soft background song playing while you both started to cook in a smooth harmony.

Conversation was light. He asked how living with Eloise was, you asked how long he had been in town for.

It wasn’t until you were both sitting across from each other with steaming bowls of soup and warmed bread, each having poured a generous amount of wine into your glasses that conversation got a bit heavier.

It started when you asked if he had been out to the lake yet, even though the cold weather obviously meant swimming wasn’t much of an offer. 

It ended, however, with a heavy silence when you both started to recall the last trip to the lake. Nearly a full year ago now, it was the second day of March and your last weekend away in this undisturbed paradise. The air was still very much crisp and carried a winter bite, and on a barely warm night, the two of you had the terrible idea of taking a little night dip. 

After about thirty seconds in the cold water, you couldn’t bear it and had to step out into the even colder air. After shivering back to your rental, you had drawn a burning hot bath to enjoy together and both decided that you would come back during the summer months to fully benefit from the lake and hikes.

But then you weren’t together over the summer. 

Harry had immediately noticed your change in demeanor at the bittersweet reminder of the memory, silently cursing himself for bringing the conversation that way. He had hoped that it would maybe spark something in you, some kind or romantic nostalgia, but instead it seemed to just upset you. 

A crushing silence had fallen again, and at least you had dinner to distract yourself with. Harry instead decided to change the conversation again, asking if Eloise still had those two little grumpy cats, and if you were enjoying staying with them. 

You were lightheartedly laughing again by the time you were clearing the dishes, both the wine and Harry helping in the warm feeling under your skin. Your cheeks had been rounded with a smile and your mind a bit fuzzy, intoxicated not as much by the liquor but more so by the loving feeling around you. 

It was quiet when you came back to the rental outside of town, the tiles of the floor cold under your feet after you had peeled your socks off. The rain had only increased in your short trip out to the nearby Monoprix, picking up what you needed to make a nice hearty soup for dinner as well as a bottle of wine. 

After getting far too wet on the walk you had gone on during the afternoon, initially wanting to go hiking but the weather got in the way. Harry had stuck back while you grabbed your groceries and a fresh baguette as you had finished off the one you had during breakfast. 

Hanging up your damp coat and taking off your too itchy sweater, you called out Harry’s name after placing the groceries down on the counter of the little kitchenette. 

A faint reply was heard, as you followed the sound of his voice to the closed bathroom door. He told you to come in, and you were met with a warm steamy bathroom and your partner relaxing into the back of the tub. 

“Didn’t feel like a shower,” he murmured as you smiled down at him, eyeing over the bubbles that covered the surface of the water. 

“Hi,” you whispered, leaning down to press your lips to his in a quick greeting as he extended his neck out towards you. “It’s still dreadful out - you have the right idea taking a bath.” 

You sat down on the edge of the tub, feet flat on the tile of the washroom floor as your upper body twisted to gaze down at Harry. The weeks so far spent in the small French town were like taking a break from reality - time was still and you could spend all the time you wanted wrapped up in each other. 

“Missed you,” he murmured, wet hand raising from under the water to grab at your wrist. Pulling it towards him, he pressed a light kiss over your pulse point. You let your hand fall over his shoulder when he let go, when he instead decided he wanted to feel your lips on his again. 

You easily complied, bending lower once more to slot your mouth over his with a lingering touch as he sighed over you. “Lips are cold.” 

You chuckled an apology, shifting yourself closer to him as you still balanced on the ledge of the tub. Your hand wrapped around his neck, feeling the damp strands between your fingers as one of his hands grabbed a light hold of your arm.  He traced a pattern over your bare arm, before shifting his arm around to the small of your back. 

You remained like that for a moment, sharing sweet kisses laced with soft affirmations of affection, hands not wandering further from light grasps over each other’s bodies. 

Though at a sudden move, a not so light move, an unattractive squeal left your mouth when your boyfriend hooked a hand under your bent knees and gripped you firmly, pulling you over the edge of the tub and into the water with him. You giggled his name after recovering from the initial shock, the heat of the water a sharp contrast to the chill in your bones and the sudden movement had your head spinning just the slightest bit. 

You surprisingly didn’t mind all that much – in fact you didn’t mind at all. Wet clothes could be dried, and the way he held you so tightly and gazed down at you so lovingly you didn’t even realize that you were fully dressed in the bathtub. 

Harry held you tightly, your legs now resting over him with his arm still under your knees as you found your place in his lap.

“My clothes are all wet,” you bit your bottom lip down, eyes catching Harry’s with a gleam as you rested your cheek against his chest. You looped your arm tighter around him, easily supported against his frame. “Could’ve given me a little warning.” 

“Thought you liked spontaneity,” his mouth sought out yours again, this time landing a peck just over your cupid's bow. “And you just seemed so cold.” 

You laughed over him and he pulled you even closer, as the water seeped through your clothes. You lifted your upper body a bit, not minding the way your shirt clung to your body as you brought your other hand to graze along the top of his cheek. “Really missed you.” 

“Wasn’t gone that long,” you whispered. “Picked up some more bread - the woman at the bakery recognized me.” 

You could feel the hum from his chest before you heard it, as he stole another quick peck from your lips. “Becoming a true local, aren’t you?” 

“Guess I am,” you mindlessly trailed your fingertips over his features, tracing the curve of his lips as he spoke. 

There was a small pause, a quiet comfortable silence. “What d’you say we stay a little longer?” 

You didn’t really need to think about the offer that much. “How much longer?” 

Harry shrugged, although knowing you both had responsibilities that were eventually needed to go back to. “Maybe a few more weeks?” 

“I’d love that,” you pressed your lips to his, knowing that you’d eventually work out the details later. 

He muttered something against your mouth, something you couldn’t quite catch as he returned your kiss. His hands wandered under your shirt, quickly pulling the soaking material from your body and throwing it with a wet slap to the tiled floor. Another problem to be dealt with later. 

Your lips parted as his tongue grazed over yours, a soft hitting of teeth when you tried to reposition yourself over him. His lips slid down your chin and your jaw as you brought your legs to straddle him, the growing uncomfortable heavy corduroy of your pants needing to be the next thing to be taken off. 

A soft curse escaped your lips both at the feeling of your lover’s hands on you and at the cool air, when he tugged your bralette over your head and again threw it somewhere to be immediately forgotten. His hands cupped your breasts, warm and wet and pulling deliciously at your nipples while his mouth sucked over the sensitive skin of your neck. 

“Help me get outta these,” you whispered into the air, one of your hands fumbling with the button and zipper of your trousers while you held onto him for support. 

After much moving around – splashing water, and slipping over the smooth bottom of the tub –  the heavy material was tugged off your legs and thrown over the edge of the tub. Finally feeling his skin completely against yours, you repositioned yourself over his lap with a leg on either side of his as your mouths met.

You sank into his arms as he whimpered your name, holding you tightly around your hips. One of his hands wandered lower, brushing lightly over your underwear covered heat.

You were both incredibly hot - from the water and from the increasing tension - as you blindly grabbed at each other in quick desperation. 

Your hips pressed over his, while his lips were wandering over the damp exposed skin of your chest, and he moaned lowly against you, “love you close - love you everywhere.” 

He raised his swollen mouth from your skin, pressing his words over your mouth. “Gonna spend the rest of my life with you like this.”

“You should stay the night.”

You turned your head towards Harry from where you were carrying over the stack of dishes. “What?”

“Snow hasn’t stopped,” he motioned to the closed window. “And it's getting late. Better idea for you to stay tonight.”

You only stared at him with your mouth slightly parted as if to speak, but didn’t know what to say. You figured that you hadn’t really thought this through, and it wasn’t completely crazy that it was a better idea to wait out the night out here with Harry.

“Not stay the night stay the night,” he continued, easily noticing the little lift in your lips.

“So it was only ever about the writing then?” The teasing tone in your voice was evident, though Harry couldn’t help the way his heart skipped at the possibility of you wanting to be here with him just as much as he wanted you.

“I think it’s always good to hold out some hope.” He answered, watching your eyes linger on him for a moment longer before glancing away with a small chuckle.

“I know you’re right,” you hummed, turning on the tap to begin washing the small load that needed to be done.

“About holding out hope or staying over?”

Biting your bottom lip between your teeth, you watched him approach you from the corner of your eye before answering. “Both.”

He tried his best to hide his smile when he joined your side by the sink, each settling in without much discussion of you as the washer of the dishes and him as the dryer. “So you’ll stay?”

You didn’t think about it too much. “I might need a shower,” you started, keeping your eyes on the soapy water that you pulled a ladle out of. “And to borrow some things.” 

“Still have the same face cream,” his hip bumped yours – almost so lightly it could’ve just been him readjusting his feet. ”Welcome to anything you’d like, always are.” 

This time it was obvious that it was on purpose. Not so much of a bump but a nudge, a slow one as he leaned his body closer to yours and rested against you for a brief second. 

“I’ll hold you to that,” you said lightly as your agreement, trying not to think too much about sharing a bed with your ex.

The quiet that came when you worked through the dishes together didn’t last all that long before Harry asked.

“Been seeing anyone?”

You glanced at him briefly. A cheek was half lifted, the hints of a smirk forming on his lips as he eyed you.

“Why’re you asking?” You countered, the answer to the question obvious.

“Why do you think,” he let out a chuckle, although was unable to help but feel a little anxious at the answer to the question, especially in your silence.

“There was one,” you spoke slowly. “A friend set it up – a double date. Saw him one more time after and that was it.”

“That was it?” Harry repeated your words, clearly looking for more of an explanation.

“Haven’t seen him again,” you turned off the tap, wiping your hands on the dish cloth hanging off a hook before facing Harry. “And you?”

“Twice,” he said – if you were going to be honest so was he. “Different person each time.” 

“Busy boy,” you mused, trying not to wonder how long after you split it had been, or how recently. 

His smirk had died down, meeting your eyes earnestly. “Never saw either again. You're a hard one to get over.”

His words hit you hard in the chest, like a little stab of a knife deep and sharp. He had spoken lightly, but you didn’t miss the slight clipped tone of his voice. 

“Did anything… happen with the guy?” He asked immediately after, not giving you much of a chance to react to his confession.

You only bit your bottom lip down, holding your mouth shut. The soft lights from above seemed like they had dimmed, the space around you feeling smaller and more intimate.

He took your silence as the answer, a pit of jealousy building at the mere thought of someone else's hands on you. 

“Just a kiss,” you told him, barely able to recall the short end of date kiss shared between you and the man you hadn’t even thought about. “On the second date.”

Harry only hummed, arms crossing over his chest as he leant his hip against the counter. The dishes were nearly done and long forgotten by now.

“D’you wanna see him again?”

“Harry –”

“If you haven’t seen him since then it doesn’t sound that way,” he mused, cutting you off with his petty rambling. “Especially now that you’ve come here.”

“It wasn’t like that.”

“Wasn’t like what?” His tone was quiet, but as you looked up to see him again his eyes held something more, begging for your attention.

“I just wanted –” Stopping yourself, you couldn’t continue. I just wanted to stop thinking about you. Instead, you spoke a quiet “I don’t know.”

A heavy silence surrounded you for the millionth time that day. It had only been a few hours since you’d run into each other, since he’d invited you up and you’d easily agreed. You only looked away from him when his touch was felt over you, glancing down at the hand landing over yours on the counter, resting his palm over your knuckles.

His thumb softly brushed the skin. “Why did you come here?”

Harry couldn’t help but ask you again. He knew why he had come here, and he had a growing suspicion that you had come for the same reason – you were both just too stubborn to say anything.

“I told you, Eloise offered –”

“You could’ve gone anywhere though, I didn’t even know you were close with her.” Harry again, couldn’t help it.

You knew very well what he wanted to hear.

After a moment in silence, he spoke quietly and earnestly. “Did you miss us?”

You had to look away. You could feel his eyes burning into the side of your face, able to hear the heavy swallow in his throat before he spoke once more. “Did you miss me?”

You watched his hand lightly rest over yours, the way neither of you moved but once and a while there would be a small flinch or twitch of muscle as if the need to grab onto the other rested right below the surface.

“Of course I did,” his hand held yours a little tighter when you spoke. “We were good.”

“We were,” Harry repeated, quietly pondering on the past tense of the sentiment.

The decision to invite you up had been innocent at first, or so he wanted to tell himself that, but having you here with him was something he’d never thought to experience again. He asked you the same question once more. “Is that why you came here?”

Daring a few more steps towards you, the hand that was not over yours raised to brush its knuckles under your cheek, before grabbing a hold of your jaw. You were watching him closely, needing to swallow a thick gulp of air when he neared you.

Deciding not to answer him, as you both seemed to be aware of the true answer, you avoided the question entirely. “Is that why you came?”

You dropped your eyes down to his mouth when the corners of it quirked up, quickly looking back up to his eyes, almost hoping that he would avoid truly answering just as you had.

“It is, yeah.”

His earnestness shouldn’t have surprised you. You felt his words before you even processed them, momentarily reveling in your closeness. You were sure you were going to start crying again if he didn’t say anything else.

“Remember last time we were here,” Harry said, again quickly changing the subject. His hand that rested over yours moved up, sliding over the bare skin of your wrist before looping around to hold the counter behind you. Keeping himself impossibly close, he kept speaking at your nod. “Remember one of the first nights, in the park by the lake, the dancing, what was that called?”

“Bal musette,” you said without having to think about it all that much .

“Yeah,” his lips curved to a wider smile at the memory. “All the men wanted to dance with you.”

“They were all in their eighties,” you hummed, letting yourself lean into his touch over your cheek.

“Still,” he grinned. “We were good.”

You remembered the cool air, not quite spring yet but the ends of winter were apparent. Harry had held you close, he always did. It had been an evening of uncontrollable laughs, interlocked hands, and stumbling home in a rush. The late dinners, the indulgence in delicious chocolates, the walks by the lake; it was all too good. The entire time really, was a blissful month.

You knew it, you both knew it. Right now, neither of you could even remember what had led to a break up in the first place.

He was all around you, his arms keeping you in while the tip of his nose nudged your cheek and his face grew closer to yours. There was only a soft orange glow in the room, hitting off the top of his features in a way that drew you in. So close he became a blur to you, something you hadn’t experienced in nearly a year.

But it was when he tilted his chin down that you processed what he was about to do, that you let your head fall to the side in a quick move to avoid his kiss, only a brush of his cheek over your jaw being felt.

Harry let himself fall forward, his forehead landing on your shoulder as he let out a quiet chuckle into the crook of your neck. Neither of you moved from where you were, still standing pressed to one another with his chest pushing against yours and his arms on either side of you.

Moving your head back, you couldn’t help the breathless laugh that blew through your nose, not doubt tickling the skin of his neck.

“What was that,” you hummed quietly.

He tilted his head slightly, lips brushing over the skin of your neck. “Sorry,” he spoke, although he didn’t mean the apology all that much. He had wanted to kiss you; he still does. “Felt right.”

It was overwhelming, being close and personal with you once more. Harry moved his nose to the column of your neck, smelling the familiar comfort of the perfume that lingered on you.

“Felt right,” he repeated, voice muffled from his mouth resting over your neck. He didn’t miss the way you tilted your head again, this time not to avoid his touch but to allow more space along your neck as he pressed the lightest of touches onto the sensitive skin. “Didn’t it?”

He also didn’t miss the soft hitch in your throat, breath getting caught when he let his lips linger. Getting lost in you for a moment, when you lifted a hand to his shoulder, and wrapped your arm around him in a desire to keep him close. His lips pressed harder, parting to allow a quick lick of his tongue over the familiar skin. You sighed softly above him, feeling everything at once in a breathtaking moment.

But then you found your breath again, and spoke his name quietly before shifting away from him. “Harry –”

“I know-”

He sighed, a deep pull of air through his lungs when he pulled away from you. Just enough to meet your bewildered eyes, just enough that he could see every detail on your face without having them blur. “Let’s get to sleep, yeah?”

You only nodded, peering into his eyes as if it would help you read his mind. His gaze flickered away from yours, falling to the spot of floor between your feet before willing himself to move away from you. “We’ll feel better in the morning.”

You had no idea what he meant at all, but only watched him walk away from where he had just been. The quiet music that had still been playing was abruptly turned off, the lack of sound making the rapid beating of your heart that much louder. Taking a minute for yourself, you slowly followed him out of the kitchen.

“D’you mind if I shower?” Your voice sounded foreign to yourself, after an uncomfortable silence settled in the apartment.

“Go ahead,” his voice was distant, and you simply made your way to the washroom for a quick shower before likely not getting any sleep through the night.

Seeing the array of his toiletries laid out over the countertop was once more far too familiar, most of them being the same ones you had seen nearly everyday. Helping yourself to them since you were here for the night, you did your best to scrub off what makeup you had one before getting into the shower.

“Hey,” Harry’s voice suddenly invaded your senses, as he nudged the door open just as you were about to pull your sweater up over your head, hand stuck halfway up your chest.

Immediately dropping your hand back down as the knit fell back over your body, you saw Harry's eyes raise up to yours through the mirror. “Sorry,” he spoke quietly. “Just bringing you some clothes that you can sleep in.”

“Thank you,” you only looked at him through the mirror, watching as his eyes fell back down to where your hands were still holding your sweater by your hips.

Another moment too long passed with neither moving or saying anything, and just as you parted your lips to say anything, Harry cleared his throat. “I know, I know.”

He sighed, as if you had been about to scold him for lingering again and shut the bathroom door behind him, leaving you alone once more.

You showered as quickly as you could, washing your body and keeping your hair out of the water. You tried your best not to think about the way Harry’s eyes had slowly dragged over your body, even your sweater covered one. You tried not to think about the way he smelt the same, or the way his hands felt so good around you and the way he had wanted to kiss you. Or the way his lips felt so familiar over your neck, that if you hadn’t stopped him there might not be a wall separating the both of your right now. 

And it didn’t get better when you came around the corner dressed in his clothes, sweats bunching at your ankles and the crewneck looking warm around you. You shot him a nervous smile from where he was already in bed, placing your belongings next to the bag you had on the floor, before turning back to glance at Harry.

“Well come on in,” he smiled, trying not to let his gaze linger on you for too long and lifted the corner of the duvet up on the other side of the mattress. With the sleeves of the crewneck pulled over your palms, you tentatively slid in on the bed, trying your best to maintain as much distance as you possibly could.

Harry turned off his phone, placing it on the table next to him before leaning over to shut off the only source of light.

You rested on your side, daring to face Harry as you hugged the pillow under your cheek. “It was a nice surprise seeing you today,” you started, not wanting to go to sleep on an awkward note. 

He faced you when you spoke, mirroring your position from the other side of the mattress. “What are the odds that we both came back here,” he posed it less of a question, more as a quiet wondering. “Would never have thought -”

Humming in response, you didn’t know what the odds were really. Must have been pretty low, and the fact that you were both here and now found yourselves sharing a bed was not at all where you thought you’d end up when you got up this morning. 

He turned from his side to his back, looking away from you and instead chose to stare up at the ceiling. The urge to be close to you was strong, and it felt incredibly odd to not be near you as you both went to sleep together. 

“Goodnight,” you spoke quietly. You shuffled down the mattress and rested your head over the pillow. There was no way you were going to sleep tonight.

“’Night,” Harry hummed from the other side of the bed, lying just as stiff as you were.

You rolled onto your side with your back to the man you couldn’t believe you were sharing a bed with once more. You begged your mind to turn off, to let sleep take over your body so that it could be morning, and maybe everything would make sense in the morning.

But instead your mind wandered to every possible thought regarding Harry, and you rolled onto your back to stare at the ceiling. Trying your damn hardest not to pay attention to Harry’s breathing, or his own shuffles on the bed.

You didn’t know how long it had been, but you were starting to grow hot. Sticking a leg out from under the covers didn’t help much, and then you couldn’t stop thinking about it. You couldn’t stop thinking about Harry – about how you felt with him, about how he made you feel when you had been together. In and out of the bedroom.

Rolling onto your stomach for the thousandth time, hoping Harry was asleep so he hadn’t been hearing your constant shuffling, you squeezed your thighs together and cursed yourself for thinking what you were while lying in a bed with your ex. Wasn’t so much arousal, but just… neediness.

Not only could you not stop thinking about every touch you shared, the linger of his hands and his lips, but you couldn’t take your mind off of every single word you read in his old notebooks. It was haunting you nearly, an old ghost that was sitting on your chest and leaving you heavy hearted. 

It was when you rolled from your stomach to your back again with a quiet sigh, that Harry muttered against his pillow with a low voice, “stop movin’ around.”

Slightly embarrassed that he had obviously been awake the entire time as well, you rolled your head to the side to see him over the space of the middle of the mattress. “Sorry – can’t sleep.”

He did the same, turning his head so that your eyes could meet in the nearly completely dark room. “Me neither.”

You simply looked at each other for a moment, trying to let yourself relax enough so that you could eventually drift to sleep before Harry spoke again. “It feels odd, doesn’t it? Sleeping but not being close.”

You nodded, realizing he couldn’t really see your movement before speaking. “Yeah – I can’t relax.”

This time there was no pause between words. “Come here,” Harry said quickly.

“What?”

He shuffled closer to the middle, closer towards you. “Friends can cuddle, can’t they? Just – come here.”

You didn’t think too much of the offer..

You moved away from the very edge of the bed, closer to where Harry layed. He extended an arm out, wrapping it around your shoulders as you came closer and pulled you in to lay next to his chest. Tentatively raising your hand, you laid it flat over his chest before sliding it around him as you hugged him from the side.

It felt nice – normal even, being in his arms. He let out another sigh, murmuring a quiet “goodnight” before settling back down into the mattress.

You felt his hand fall lightly over your shoulder, fingertips brushing on the fabric of the borrowed jumper. You were hyper focused on your breathing, trying your best to steady it in a lame attempt of getting your heartbeat to calm down. But when you realized Harry’s heart was beating just as fast, you relaxed even more against him.

Sleep came slowly, but it eventually did come. At one point Harry moved positions, just the slightest bit, but just enough that he was able to push a leg against yours. Slowly moving your own legs, you let him rest his calf over yours with the small tangle of your legs. That was the last thing either of you remembered before falling asleep.

The morning held a bit more tension.

Harry woke up before you, and spent far too long contemplating on whether he should get up or not. So long, in fact, that you had woken up and made the decision for him. While he feigned being asleep, you quietly shuffled out from under the covers. 

Following the sound of your footsteps to the washroom, he heard the door close behind you and the quiet hum of the tap after a moment. He wondered if you would leave immediately.

Getting out of bed himself, he first went to go adjust the thermostat as the air was far too cold after being out of the cozy warmth of the bed, and went to go turn on the kettle.

You were by his side moments later, each sharing quiet “good mornings” while he tried not to stare at the way your eyelids still drooped down and the way you pulled the sleeves of his jumper over your hands.

He knew the offer of coffee would get you to stay for a cup, but by the way you had rushed back to the bathroom with your clothes from the day before told him that you weren’t planning on sticking around for too long.

By the time you reappeared by his side, you were dressed just as you had yesterday. He knew he’d find the clothes you’d borrowed folded over his bed. You seemed fresher faced than last time, even catching a whiff of his lavender scented moisturizer that you always used to borrow.

Biting his lips together to hide his smile at the fact you had in fact taken your liberties with his toiletries just as he’d offered, he quietly prepared you a cup of coffee while your attention was drawn down to your phone.

You mindlessly answered texts, none of them that urgent that they required your full attention as you still couldn’t help but pay close attention to Harry’s every move.

“Sleep okay?” He finally broke the silence.

You paused, needing to clear your throat before answering. “I did, yeah.” Only after he had invited you to lay peacefully in his arms. “You?”

“Did as well,” he hummed, filling the two mugs with the wonderful smelling coffee. “A lot better after you stopped moving around.”

“Sorry again,” you suddenly felt hot at his mention of your irritation – at the reminder of how incredibly needy you had gotten for him to even lay a hand over your own. Taking the mug of coffee as a welcomed distraction, you cupped it in two hands to bring it up to your mouth, blowing over the hot liquid.

He dropped the subject, though, as he mirrored your action and you both took a moment to let the coffee stall the inevitable goodbye that was about to be shared.

“What’re you up to today?” 

He thought it over for a second, not actually having planned all that much. “Need to grab a few things from the store, otherwise not a whole lot.” He thought aloud. “And you?” 

“Driving to Aix-les-Bains with Eloise, some store over there she wants to see.” You had just seen the text from your friend, deciding to not answer all the ones questioning what had happened with Harry. 

You both took big sips of the still too hot coffee. “No writing today?” 

“Not that I’ve been that successful,” you mumbled into the mug. 

“You’ll find it,” he affirmed. “I know you will.” 

Your chest warmed, not from the heat of the beverage but from the sincerity of his statement. You hid your face behind your mug, taking a nearly too big sip that you nearly choked on. 

“Thanks again, for letting me stay and for… everything.” You placed the mug by your side, the caffeine suddenly making you nauseous. The words you had read in his old notebook still haunted you. 

Harry realized that you were about to tell him that you were leaving, and a small bout of panic rose through his stomach. “Of course -” 

He watched, dumbfounded of what to say, as you walked from the kitchen to where you had left your belongings and started arranging them in your bag and put your phone into the pocket of your trousers. Harry couldn’t stop watching every small move you made.

His eyes followed you around the kitchen, mind racing to find anything to say to you anything that would at the very least have you coming back to see him.

“Can I see you again?” He suddenly blurted, voice louder than it had been before, making you stop in your movements and turn to face him.

Your mouth parted and for a moment he thought it was forming into a ‘yes’, but it never came. And he didn’t realize that it never came because his attention caught on something else. Something that had been hiding beneath the tight knit of your sweater yesterday, something that he had forced himself to forget about.

He moved without realizing, taking the two small steps needed to stand right next to you. Noticing his sudden action, you turned yourself so that your body faced his with a small crease of confusion forming between your brows.

He couldn’t help it. Reaching out to where the small locket rested below your collarbones, he caught your attention with the small tug of the chain.

Oh.

Remaining quiet, you watched his focus fall to the necklace that had never been taken off. His bottom lip fell with a quiet exclamation, one you couldn’t hear no matter how close you stood. He turned it over in his hand, briefly wondering whether it was too far to open the little locket.

“Couldn’t take it off.” You said, as he remained quiet due to his current fascination.

You both watched as he toyed with the light metal in his fingers. Grazing over the small flat pearl that graced the front of the pendant, seeing it just as he’d last remembered it.

He had once again found himself standing desperately close to you. If he had moved closer while looking at the jewelry, he wasn’t sure. But when he let it fall back against the light purple knit of your sweater to meet your gaze, he realized that he could see every twitch of your eyes when they moved to gaze up at him.

His hand didn’t fall far, landing with a light touch over your wrist just as he had the night before.

“Give me a shot.”

You tilted your chin up, his words settling in with a flip of your stomach. “You said it yourself – we were good.”

“I know,” was all you could muster, the clear confidence in his words making your heart beat a little harder.

“And I’m having a hard time remembering what went wrong,” a humourless laugh shook from his chest, as he kept his eyes focused on the little locket that had been gifted to you nearly a year ago. “And seeing you here, out of all places. I can’t be the only one.”

“I know,” you repeated, very aware of the intense emotion that had been clouding your mind in the past twelve hours. “You’re not the only one.”

He lifted your wrist that he held, gently placing your arm over his shoulder to move in closer to you. You didn’t object, sliding your palm over the crook of his neck. You were unable to help but take a quick look at his mouth, at his lips that hovered so close to yours.

“Give us a shot,” he whispered, breath hitting the inside of your wrist when he titled his chin towards your arm. His lips skimmed the skin, pressing feather light kisses over the inside of your wrist. With the same light pattern of kisses on the inside of your forearm, he moved his lips away to instead focus on your face.

Placing his hand under your jaw, a similar position that you held him in as he seemed to be moving ever so slowly. Tilting his jaw up towards you, he let his lips skim so slightly across your cheek, so light you nearly thought you had imagined it. Just as he had last night, his nose brushed over your own first while he took a moment to savour you.

Waiting for any sign of hesitation on your part, which never came, he let his lips slowly fall over the corner of your mouth. Wet trail of touches that moved away from your lips and instead over to your cheek, he took a moment to hold you against him.

He whispered something over your jaw, you couldn’t hear him. With your eyelids fluttered shut and your head spinning, all your focus was set on what his lips were doing rather than what they were saying.

This time it was you, who slid your hand to the back of his neck with a much firmer grip. It was you that led his mouth to capture yours.

It was just lips on lips at first, a quick kiss that lasted barely a second. You pulled away before he could even have a chance to react, a small smile curving at your lips when you glanced up at him.

His hand slid up your arm to hold a tight grip around your back, while the other circled to the back of your neck, thumb brushing over your skin in soft circles. He pulled you in again, both relaxing into the kiss as his lips eased over yours.

Kissing him was everything good you remembered. The way he gripped you tightly against him, the soft touch of his lips, the way your name was rolling off his tongue in a quiet incredulous breath. 

His mouth was warm, inviting, fitting so perfectly over yours as you tentatively parted your own lips to invite him in for more. Your free hand joined the other around his neck, letting his tongue graze against yours as you tasted each other for the first time in nearly a year. It was all the same – like no time had really passed at all.

Feeling his hand circle around your hip, holding you close as a quiet moan rumbled from deep in his chest. You couldn’t help the content sigh at the sound, completely melting into him. He was pressing tight against you, mouth completely capturing yours while your breathing mixed and lips dampened. 

Your chins hit awkwardly when you tilted your head to the side and he went to lightly suck over your bottom lip. Though you didn’t mind the slight sting of his chin knocking yours, in fact you found yourself welcoming everything about him. 

It wasn’t until you realized you were sharing heavy breaths, and when your lips had been growing more and more desperate for the other that you needed to separate for a quick deep breath of air. 

He breathed your name with a quiet smile tugging at the corners of his mouth that was easily heard in his voice. “We’re still good.” 

Your head was spinning. His head was spinning. Nothing seemed to be real, at the moment but at the same time everything seemed far too real. 

Just as he leant in again, searching for your lips once more, you slid your palm down from his shoulder to the center of his chest and pushed yourself back an inch. “Harry…”

You wanted to feel his mouth on yours again, you really did. You just couldn’t bear to think what would come of it – you couldn’t revisit all the pain that you had managed to push away. 

He shook his head, not believing you were about to turn him down again. Especially after that. He knew he shouldn’t be upset with you about it, he knew it was completely valid on your end but in this moment he felt like everything was coming crashing once more.

When he heard the quiet and pained tone in your voice, he bit his lip down – his lip that could still feel the whisper of yours – and shook his head in disbelief.

“We shouldn’t.” 

A sharp pain came from your chest as Harry seemed to deflate against you. “If you don’t –” he had to look away from your heavy eyes as he spoke. “You can’t kiss me like that and then push me away.” 

He was right - of course he was right - but you were so incredibly confused and couldn’t seem to process a single thing that you were feeling. “I’m sorry,” you whispered, neither of you moving. “I didn’t mean to…” you didn’t know what to say, because you really did want to kiss him. You still do. “I’m really sorry.” 

Harry shook his head. “Don’t be sorry –” he sighed, hands falling from your body.

When he didn’t say anything else, you slowly dragged your palm over your forehead, feeling the sudden tension of the situation manifest in a growing pain in your head. “We can’t keep living in the past.” 

He hated himself for the sliver of hope he felt when you said ‘we’. 

“We were so fucking good,” he knew he needed to stop entertaining the topic but he really couldn’t help it He knew you saw it too. “We were a team, we were solid. I just don’t know,” he cut himself off, running the back of his hand over his mouth.  “I don’t know.” 

A thick moment of silence passed – you couldn’t bear it. “It’s too…” you had to take a deep breath as you felt a sob build in your chest. “It’s too painful to go through this again, Harry – this has been the hardest year of my life I can’t –”

You need to cut yourself off, shoulders shaking as you kept your eyes glued to the floor. “I should go.”

[magnumdays]

Magnum PI 4.09 - Better Watch Out review

So where to begin with this! I mean while a good chunk of this episode was Magnum and Lia running about, BUT we got so many small Miggy moments and stuff I don’t even mind! 

(In fact Magnum/Lia relationship in this felt more like it was there to give us Miggy moments more than anything. Which is kind of what it is about so yeah... makes sense.)

We also got so much soft Higgy. From her being all ”this was the best way I could think of '' about the Santa/Elf gig (can we talk about character growth? I mean season 1 Higgy would rather get shot before putting an elf costume on!)

(Though Higgy does looks like she be ready to murder someone wishing her a merry Christmas here!) 

having the lads as a background on her computer

being there to tease, support Magnum in his relationship and for saying  ‘she don’t know what she’s missing’ there at the end. And staying when the crisis is over just because she’d rather be there to support him. All the good stuff.

It was nice that we didn’t get an actual hostage crisis at the precinct like the summary said, but a digital one. This made it make sense for Higgy to be left at HPD trying to hack and stuff while Magnum and Lia did the physical detective part. Good reason to put her on the side-line rather than having something stupid like they’ve done before, so Magnum and Lia working together could happen. 

I would have, despite not really caring about Lia/Magnum, to have seen some more of the feels going on there. Because when Magnum confines about being upset Lia lied to Higgins, it’s almost surprising. (Loved their talk here and someone remembering - if vaguely - to reference Hannah.)

I mean sure, he is clearly upset but at the same time… not really feeling it. But because she’s more of a “in the background obstacle” to Miggy than anything else, we don’t want or get to see much of their ‘normal dynamic’. So IDK. Maybe having her be like “yeah, I’d love to come to O’hana X-mas” at the start and then at the end realizing he’s hurt and going “Actually I have paperwork.” 

Small question about Lia’s dad and Magnum and Higgins’ previous dealings with them - didn’t Higgy push a company assassin out of a window 20 floors up in s. 1 or 2 and he got smashed like a pancake? Or maybe that was some other organization? It’s not gonna happen but it would be excellent fun if Lia’s dad had Magnum followed, one of the followers recolonized Higgy as the person who killed said hit man (who was actually a close friend of Lia’s dad) years ago and we got a big dramatic mess when they tried to get revenge on Juliet... (fic idea ding-ding-ding.)

As for Caleb and the car plot as well as the bail skipper small time crock with a heart of gold was nice. 

(I’m really happy that even crocks get to be nice and love their families sometimes. It’s very X-mas appropriate.)

At first I wasn’t sure what was going on with Caleb and wanted him to be more embracing and happy about being part of the O’hana, but when he talked to Rick I kind of felt like it worked. He had a life and family and traditions and while he’s happy it’s different and he’s still not quite feeling like he’s part of the O’hana fully. But him being thankful and doing the little speech at the end was nice. At the same time, I kind of like him better when he’s angry or upset for some reason.

Favorite moments

This expression on Magnum’s face when he realizes he just invited Lia and her mom to Christmas dinner...

Magnum and Higgins talk / heading out together at the end.

I so enjoy the fact that we’re getting Higgy being just as supportive of Magnum’s relationship as he was with her and Ethan. I do hope we get more progress during the remaining half of the season on the Miggy feels though, because we have already done this story-line in a way with it taking forever for Magnum to even be a ‘currently nothing more than friends’ so yeah. Need something else to happen. (But by the sound of 4.10 it does already sound like the writing team knows as much.)

Also wonder if this is what is going to be the begging of the end for the Magnum/Lia thing, or just a bump in the road? Could we get a “Higgy has sexy dream but Magnum and Lia are now closer than ever so…angst?” sort of thing next time. 

I honestly would either like some actual feels between Lia/Magnum or for them to amicably break up and she just be Gordon’s partner. I really like her and Gordon’s dynamic and it’s good to have another female character around!

Loved Thomas giving Kumu a little hugg-y cheek kiss. They so adorable!

Higgy making (in)famous Christmas pudding! I mean, licorice and basil? (Actually it doesn't sound too bad, but I am a Swede and thus a licorice fiend… though still not sure about it in pudding form.)

The ‘doesn’t she know what she’s missing’ moment of course even if it was meant to also imply the whole O’hana hang, it felt more like Higgy pointing out how awesome Thomas is. Which we love. Them heading out together… just feels right.

Same with the bringing her a change of clothes.

Them just being adorable and him teasing her about it but having done it. And I just want to point out… this is the top he picked for her…

(Or maybe she had some clothes picked out for him to stick in a bag but still I like my Magnum gives himself a christmas gift - Higgy-cleavage - idea better.)

Magnum (always) having Higgins back being all “She did it for you Gordy, aren’t you tried of us asking for you favors?”

And the end. Let’s not forget about the end( I already posted these pics but can’t have too many pics of our two idiots looking at each other, now can we?)

I really don’t need anything more for Christmas!

(I am working on a X-mas fic though, that’ll be up today or tomorrow! Just in case anyone wants more Christmas fluff feels...)

Overall, I enjoyed the episode a lot. I loved the fact that this is their yearly tradition, imply they’ve been doing this every year even though we haven’t gotten to see it. Extra points for the fact that Higgy makes weird English Christmas pudding they all eat even though they don’t like it. It’s very nice and makes my Christmas-heart feel happy and full.

So yeah, this ep was a winner! 

And Merry Christmas everyone!

[mcsm1-1-mistakes]

Banner Tower Progress

Here’s my progress so far. I have successfully completed Season 1′s new re-organization tower and have begun working on Season 2.

In this image you can see on the right the old tower I used to have all the banners/textures for BOTH seasons.

You’ll noticed that the color coded tower in the middle is almost the same size, and that’s because I’ve been VERY thorough in finding every type of texture/banner I could find and every alternative version too. A good chunk of that is just the Murder Mystery Mansion portraits.

And on the left you can see the beginnings of Season 2′s tower. It’s still VERY small in comparison, but I expect that it’ll shoot up pretty high pretty soon. If I’ve planned things out appropriately the two towers should fit within the span of only 6 chunks, making a nice small footprint for importing.

They’ve also got doors to fly into on every level, ladders to climb between levels if needed, signs which tell you which season and episode you’re on, and a button to give yourself invisible item frames since I know that’s not something a lot of people understand how to get.

Once Season 2 is completed I’ll delete the original tower, save both the new towers as .nbt structure block files, and create a save file for download to make everything super easy to use. It’s just gonna take a little more time to complete.

[feralmoonlight]

Hi, hi! :D I just read Hands on Experience and I'm really liking it!! Sun's nature as a caretaker really shines in this fic and I really love how you write his character! He's so affectionate right from the get go and while in the first chapter he was very handsy, the sickness chapter makes it clear he would have very readily respected it if y/n had stated they were uncomfortable with it. All around he's very caring and very sweet and nearly all his interactions had me smiling haha!

I'm also really curious how things are gonna go with Moon, since he's mentioned a couple of times. I have the feeling he has already grown fond of y/n because they have taken him into consideration, speaking to him directly and talking about not wanting to get on his bad side. We'll have to see how this dynamic affects his behavior in combination with the virus, since in Chapter 6 he did not act violently at all. It could very well be because y/n had been asleep, but given Sun's surprise at no harm being done at all, it does seem he's acting a bit differently already. I wonder how his relationship is with Sun, since it appears not all that hostile from the small glimpses we've gotten.

Very nice fic, and I'm excited to see anything you have planned for it in the future! :D

You have NO IDEA how excited I am to start getting into the Moon side of things. There's a couple more teeeeeeny peeks here and there I have planned for the next chunk of chapters (which have actually started to get attention again woo!) But I'm also kicking myself at needing to get a chunk more... Ground laying chapters? Done before I can start chipping away at what I guess would be the second arc? Because that is gonna need to be a little more linear/chronological. Because Moon. And more so showing the progression of how that all works... Hhh but I am chomping at the bit for my boy.

I will say that Sun and Moon do have a mostly good relationship still? But Sun is also fully aware of the fact that something had changed Moon. He has always been a gremlin, and while his old antics would drive Sun nuts, deep down he does love how chaotic Moon could be and even if he's shaking his finger at how far he pushes the line on breaking rules himself... He's probably laughing at his shenanigans inside. They are both jesters after all, and it takes a lot for Sun to actually get and stay mad at Moon. So... Sun would be more verbal pranks and jokes and puns and teases, where Moon is more physical comedy and gags and some slapstick? Though both definitely enjoy both.

And I don't think that's too spoilery on their dynamic just yet.