#NOBODY MOVE NOBODY MOVE NOBODY FRICKING MOVE I NEED TO FOCUS

[mythvoiced]

Aeri can’t decide what she hates more - the way the bejeweled pin in the victor from District 8’s hair is lopsided, or the girl herself. Oh, what Aeri wouldn’t give to wear such an accessory again, or even wear the finery the victor has been gifted to wear to the viewing. That was her once, wasn’t it?

But now? She’s stuck here, watching this spectacle. The brat, who has no idea what privilege she’s been presented with, keeps on creasing the delicate threads of her gown and her stylists also clearly have no idea on how to do the brat’s makeup. And then there’s that damn pin- Aeri’s pin once upon a time- only in place because it’s tangled in there-

And Aeri can’t hold back. When the brat’s stylists are gone, she reaches into the girl’s hair and extracts the pin. Her fingers, callused from years of hard labor that still feels foreign to Aeri, are quick to untangle most of the obvious knots in the brat’s hair before shetwists the locks into a ponytail and then a bun. The pin goes back in.

Aeri glares at the girl through the mirror. Don’t you dare mess up my work.

( congrats lenlen!! you get....aeri, being really resentful, i hope marìa doesn't mind too much ^^' )

@stillresolved | !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LET HER BE RESENTFUL

---

There's a harshness to being dolled up when you are in no way receptive to it.

María isn't foreign to the roughness of life - she's a fucking Victor, after all, isn't she - she's started working in factories just about around the age even the most moral of District 8 people might turn their back in fear on seeing her walk in, pretending not seeing her would free them of the responsibility of working with a child.

Her hands and nose and palate and lungs had long gotten used and keep getting used to the aftermath of working with chemicals, of being so very intimate with garments and colours, with fumes and heat, with the hard work of surviving, with the hard work of fighting to be allowed a minimal chance at said survival, at figuring that there's little more for people from District 8 to fight for.

Still... it's not the same.

Being pushed around, dressed in things she would have never chosen for herself to serve a people, a man, because she's not stupid enough to not be able to tell what is Capitol and what is Snow and how Capitol is Snow, it's a kind of biting and harsh and rough that doesn't leave behind the usual kind of scars and memories and bruises.

Even surviving the Games had come with a desperately accepted sense of relief, one covered in blood and the humiliation of all she'd done and all she'd thought she'd get to accomplish, only for reality to crash in on her in a victory she hadn't wanted to partake in, hadn't wanted to make possible, when she'd wanted her Games to be victor-less in lieu of ending the Games themselves.

This... this is humiliation in the long run. This has hardly any hope attached to it, waiting for her on the other end of the line. Sometimes, on the worst days, it feels like the true brunt of the battle, walking with blood-stained soles and palms and sparkling as she does, wearing all that might make even the softest source of light appear like flames reflecting off her frame, covering her in fire that had not eaten her alive - much to a few people's disdain.

Picking at things, not holding still, grimacing, shifting her muscles, arms, face to make her stylists' life as difficult as possible, it was all she had to fight back.

The Arena came with death and violence, and living back at home had been physical labour upon physical labour, straining her young body until she could no longer tell if she was broken beyond repair or fitter than children her age should be - had they grown up privileged within the Capitol's safety.

Here she has only threads to tear apart and reflections to glare at.

And a new challenge behind every door.

She feels yanked back, an intensity of motion caused less by the avox suddenly in her hair and more her own stiffness that hadn't prepared her for submission to someone suddenly rearranging her.

After her stylists had left, she'd succumbed to the tension of not wanting to be there, without the added hard work of making sure everybody else does. Lost in her thought, somebody's hands suddenly returning on her had fortified, molten it into a newly forged blade, stiff and ready to strike, tensing everything within her and making a few fingers in her hair turn into a grappling hook tied to a moving mountain.

María is startled enough she can't remember how to glare.

A frown does accompany her widened eyes anyway, making her look... appalled, almost, an addition to her expression so unsuited to typically frightened features, youth tainted by the face of someone used to having to fight to stay alive.

It almost happens in a flash then. The reflection moves and adjusts and fixes and what had started as something that had María's lips split into something acid and trembling, turns into something unpleasant and acrid, but silent, as María sits and lets herself be mandhandled one more time.

That's when she glares. After the avox finishes up, after their eyes meet in the mirror and María sees none of the downturned gazes they're trying to make her accustomed to.

Seeing avoxes pisses her off.

Why take it out on them.

She understands what they are, what they're supposed to represent.

To her, an avox is a statement. No longer a person but rather someone rid of their innate right to be considered one. Even with the determination and life in this avox' eyes, María has come to understand them as tools Snow uses to assert his dominance, people from all circles of life, punished with the robbing of their words... and their detached tongue metaphorically forced to lick away at the tip of the shoes of people like María.

All a scheme.

Infighting.

Use the prey on the prey, make them take each other out.

It'd be easier to feel pity if María could sleep, if the avox hadn't adjusted her appearance, and if the avox wasn't staring her down as if she had any right to do so.

She's oddly beautiful.

She's oddly familiar.

"Why are you helping them?" she hisses, low, whispered, because she might never admit it, but she's... she's a little scared, isn't she? Lately? Devora's face swims before her inner eye, so stern, so wrong.

"I'm on your side more than they are," she adds, pulling a strand of her hair out of the freshly adjusted bun.

[panicattheattic]

Spooktober Headcanons

Belphegor: Vampire ...

(From Twilight)

(Sorrynotsorry)

You hadn't expected this when you moved to Washington.

You expected to be the awkward new student that nobody ever talked to.

But you were immediately befriended by the most popular guy in school; Diavolo.

Though you could tell the 7 brothers who were his friends didn't quite like you.

Not only that, but their entire friend group was kinda off.

There was something strange about them that you just couldn't place.

At least they were always cordial with you.

Well, except for Belphegor.

He glared at you constantly and whenever he was nice you knew it wasn't genuine.

He was a master manipulator.

Despite seemingly hating you, he would always cajole his way into being your partner in group projects.

He played the nice, sweet, gifted kid who just wanted to help, so well that it was like someone was paying him to do it.

He would have tricked you too if it wasn't for how he acted when you were alone.

Like just now, as you sat on a log in the woods working on your ecology project.

More like watching while Belphie did the whole thing.

Not that you pawned it off on him.

Oh no.

He wouldn't let you help.

He said he'd do a better job anyways and that you shouldn't bother.

You didn't understand why he wanted to be paired with you if he never wanted to share the workload.

Not only that, but clearly he didn't want your company given his refusal to interact with you beyond what was strictly necessary and the occasional disgusted glare.

"Belphegor. Come on, this would go faster if you just let me help."

"No."

"But I can--"

His eyes shined, gold gleaming as he froze you in place with only his stare.

"It will go faster if we get it right the first time. That'll only happen if you let me do everything."

This was it. You were tired of his indirect insults.

You were tired of being forced into working with him because of his uncanny ability to convince everyone that he was the sweetest guy they'll ever meet.

You were tired of him.

You stood up and started to walk away.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Away!"

You didn't want to be near him any longer.

You unfortunately lost your footing momentarily.

Thankfully there was a tree nearby.

Less than thankfully, you cut your palm on the bark when you tried to use the tree to regain your balance.

You cursed under your breath and tried to keep walking.

Until you hear an aggravated groan from behind you.

But before you could even turn to see what the matter was (not that you were going to), you found yourself harshly pinned to the ground.

Belphie's grip on your wrists was nearly painful.

You'd never seen more hateful eyes in your life.

"You have no idea, what you've done... What you do."

You let him continue, honestly curious and a bit afraid to interrupt him.

"Always so careless. Do you have any idea what you're mixed up in? If I wanted to I could wrap my arms around you... Crush you in an instant. Yet you don't realize."

He went on for a while, berating you about being clueless, not noticing the obvious, etc...

You tuned out most of his spiel until you heard one word:

"Blood"

All the dots connected.

"Don't you ever wear perfume?"

"Did you honestly scrape you knee on dirt?"

It kinda all made sense now.

In a messed up kind of way.

"You, all of you... You're vampires."

The mocking, nearly maniacal laugher was all the answer you needed.

"Don't blame us for not warning you, blame yourself for not noticing it sooner."

Belphie explained how he wanted nothing more than to drink your blood.

He confessed to already having come up with a dozen plans on how to kill you.

But he also said he wouldn't.

And you believed him.

He wasn't trying to manipulate you, you could tell.

And you would be lying if you said you never had a hint of a crush on him.

So you did what any sane person would do.

You pushed him the hell off of you and ran the frick away!

You avoided him for weeks after that.

You even skipped a few classes you had with him.

You only approached him again after his twin brother convinced you to give him a chance.

You couldn't say no to Beel, given that he was actually the sweetest guy you knew.

You went (With Beel nearby, you weren't risking it) to see Belphie after school.

He surprised you.

"I'm sorry."

And he meant it.

So you gave him another chance.

And you were glad you did.

He was actually not that bad of a dude.

You hesitantly became friends with him and finally felt comfortable enough to call him by his nickname.

The first time you did he paused.

He would have blushed if he had blood.

Everything was well until the next bump in the road.

You awoke in the middle of the night with a weird feeling.

And there he was.

The cheeky bastard.

Standing in the darkness, watching you.

Watching you sleep.

You were understandably creeped out.

You threw a pillow at him, which he at least had the decency to not dodge, and whisper-yelled at him.

"What the hell, Belphegor?"

He visibly cringed at the sound of his full name.

But you know what his reaction was to all this?

He pouted.

He pouted like a child.

He explained how he liked watching you sleep.

Because he used to love to sleep, but since becoming a vampire he couldn't anymore.

Watching you sleep made him feel at ease.

You honestly felt bad for him.

Though you wanted to slap him.

Had he been doing this for months?!

You'd discuss that later.

For now, he was lucky you were sleepy and couldn't focus much.

You waved him over.

As his eyes widened, you rolled yours.

"It's weirder if you just stand there."

As he hesitantly got under the sheets next to you, you almost laughed.

You'd never seen him be awkward before.

When he was settled you snuggled into his chest and shivered.

He was ice cold.

"I'm sorry."

But you shook your head.

"It feels nice."

After a beat of silence you finally felt him relax and gently wrap his arms around you.

You weren't sure where your relationship with Belphie was going, but if it was going to be romantic, he had a lot of things to figure out first.

~Aqua

[comfy-whumpee]

Febuwhump 3: Blood Loss

CN: BBU. @neuro-whump​, @rosesareviolentlyread​, @whumper-in-training​, @mylifeisonthebookshelf, @pumpkin-spice-whump

“Blondie. Blondie!” An echoing snap. “Hey, wake up!”

Something was ringing. The phone, it would be. The phone rang. Someone had to get it. Probably. Mr Charlie or Mr Dillon. Or was it Phil?

He wasn’t those. He was Roman, named after where Mr Charlie got engaged. He was Roman.

“Need – we need a professional—” someone said. It didn’t call him blondie. “Wake up,” the voice said again, and something cold pressed to him, then a heavy sigh.

She’s going to tell him that he’s okay. She always does that when he gets hurt, ever since he was little. She had flower earrings.

“Holy crap, dude. His eyes are open! We’re good. He’s fine, look.”

Roman opens his other eye to look. Why is his hand in the fire?

“Hey, hey, Blondie, stay awake. Stay awake, yeah?” More snapping, slapping sounds. Roman’s head turns. Turns. Falls to the side.

“He’s fine. Dumbass just faints at his own blood.”

“Shut the fuck up, Joel. He cracked his head on the desk. Who the hell told him to use the fricking bread knife? He’s literally fucking brainless, you can’t give him sharp things.”

Roman’s eyes slide again, open and closed. There are still hands on him. Someone is holding his hand. It feels papery.

“What if he gets an infection?” The voice is worried, tight as violin strings. She didn’t play the violin when she went to high school. “We can’t get him antibiotics or shit. We don’t have the money for their proprietary stuff either.”

“I’ll pay.” The voice was flat and firm. Roman smiled distantly, knowing it was… Whoever it was. “I’m good for it. I bet they give discounts anyway if you whine enough.”

Roman made out a picture in the air. Four faces hovering above him, each one hung with the reverence of moons. All of them were familiar. He didn’t know who was speaking, but they were all his captors.

Owners.

We don’t care about you. Nobody cared about you in your old life. Your owners are the only ones who will care about you now, 993948.

Roman felt his face move in an easy, perfect smile. He couldn’t focus on anyone’s faces, but he could do the smile.

“He’s alright,” said one of the voices. “Hey, Ro. Gave us a scare.”

Mr Charlie. The name finally came to him. His hand still burned but something was happening to it, helping it. There was a hand on his face stopping him from looking.

She used to…

The thought slips away.

Only his owners will care about him, now.

[beelzebubisbestwaifu]

Scenario where the boys and MC are watching a horror movie, (together with the family or just them and MC) but they don’t want to admit their scared so it’s up to NC to comfort them during or after the movie. You’re headcannons and fanfics are some of the best I ever read btw reading them is the highlight of my day.

For the hekk of it I’m gonna include what scared them. 

Lucifer:

Typical slasher flick, but its a movie about an older brother trying fruitlessly to protect his siblings from a killer. He basically watches a bunch of his loved ones die. 

Tries his best to hide how affected he is, but his eyes are just a little too glossy, his hands a little too shaky, his body a little too tense. 

“Lucifer, I’m scared...could you hold onto me? I’d feel safer with you closer.” 

Those little words help immensely. He clings to MC like he can will his family to be safer by squishing one tiny human to his chest. 

After the movie, Lucifer struggles to express his feelings about it, but he does manage to press his face into MC’s shoulder to hide the tears threatening to escape him. 

“I didn’t want you to see me like this...weak....”

MC gives him a forehead kiss and the duo just sorta stay locked in an awkward emotionally silent embrace. 

Mammon: 

Our favorite greed boi is awful with horror movies canonically. So for this one he gets scared by a paranormal activity ripoff. 

He s c r e e c h e s like a crow caught in a trap. 

“M-Mammon, please protect me...” 

His human needs him (even if it’s faked for his benefit) so his body is in “I’m the greatest” override. Clingy snuggles ensue. 

Post-movie, Mammon insists on sleeping in MC’s room “to protect them.” Of course, Asmo teases in the group chat that Mammon’s making a move on the human, but MC puts the kabash on that by saying they were scared from the movie and needed one of their pactmates to protect them. 

Mammon wraps himself around MC like a confused snake and they sleep uncomfortably. 

Leviathan: 

Japanese horror is straight up fucked. Japanese horror anime is even worse. 

Levi thinks that he can handle it since it’s just anime and he can watch anime. But when a scene pops up where one of the characters has their fingernails ripped off he becomes a little baby. 

“Levi, wanna hide under some blankets?” 

Leviathan is basically a snaky boi so he and MC hide under a massive pile of blankets to finish the movie. 

Falls asleep during the credits, his tail wrapped around MC like a lifeline. 

Satan: 

The Cube (the first one obvs). The psychological horror and illogical traps make his bookworm mind twist and melt in fear. 

Trying to be stone-cold and normal, but his eyes are wide with absolute terror. 

“Satannnnn....Could I hold your hand?” 

Keeps MC in his lap for the rest of the movie, his slender frame wrapping around them tightly. 

Once the movie is over, Satan insists on sleeping in the room “to fight off anyone looking to steal you, MC.” and honestly? Might as well let him. 

Asmodeus: 

Body horror. Skin peeling, hair ripping, bodies being mangled, it grosses him the frick out. 

Squeaky baby, unsure of how to handle the feelings squishing around in my chest. 

“Momo....I need snuggles.”

Being able to focus on a body he admires helps distract him from the screen. Scary scenes are cues for him to pepper MC’s neck in kisses and nuzzles. He eventually moves to massaging his human’s hip and being generally “netflix and chill”-y. But he wont actually try to get in MC’s pants, the time isn’t romantic enough. 

When the movie is over he insists on making MC participate in his skincare routine before forcing them to snuggle him to sleep. 

“That movie was awful for my skin, but snuggles can fix this. Come here.” 

Beelzebub:

Pet Semetary. This is a lot more sad.

He’s big, strong, and scary. But Beel is also a huge softy, so he gets upset when animals or people die. 

“Beelzebaby? could I sit in your lap? I made popcorn...I’ll feed ya.” 

He likes having MC so close, and when paired with the many snacks available it gets so much better for him. 

When the movie actually ends, he keeps MC close. Not moving his stronk arms. 

“I didn’t like that. Could we stay in my room tonight? I want to keep an eye on you and Belphie.” 

Beelzebub ends up forcing Belph to snuggle with him and MC. 

Belphegor:

Saw. Being trapped in a place where you might die hits close to home. 

Any disgusting self-mutlation twists Belphie’s face into a disturbed expression. He’s not a fan. 

“Cmere. If I’m gonna fall asleep during this movie, I want to be close to you Belphie.” 

Big snuggles, he hates the idea of MC feeling scared so he tries his best to take care of them. 

“I wont let anybody hurt you, MC.” Said with intent to comfort himself more than anyone else. 

Diavolo: 

Nobody expects the demon prince to be scared, but for some reason the Ring movie playing freaks him out. 

“Dio baby do you need me to turn the movie off?...no? okay... here, hold onto me.” 

He h a t e s it. hates the gross visuals, hates the creepy videos, hates it all. 

MC puts on a happy documentary about service dogs to comfort the poor frightened demon man. The concept of service dogs makes him so darn happy so it balances out the fear. 

“I’m going to let Lucifer know you will be staying here tonight. I don’t feel comfortable sending you home at the moment.” 

Diavolo’s bed is really huge. So after watching a cute movie detailing how service dogs pick their people he ends up just falling asleep with MC in his arms like a teddybear. 

[pl-panda]

To Marry a Vigilante: Part 14

MASTERLIST || First || Previous || Next

To Marry a Vigilante: Part 14

---------

“Tt. I will cut that stupid harlot into pieces.” Damian scowled. He, Allegra, Claude, Jon, Felix, Marinette, and Chloé sat at one of the prime tables in the cafeteria. His wife just finished telling them what happened after the initiation meeting.

“Maybe we don’t immediately jump to murder?” Claude suggested.

“I agree. We don’t have a place to hide a body yet.” Chloé supplied. 

“That’s not what… nevermind.” Allegra sighed. 

“Dami! I appreciate the thought, but maybe keep it as plan Z?”

“Plan Z is where I need more than one body bag.” He grumbled but nodded. “But we can postpone it.”

“Okay. Let’s act rationally and focus on prevention. Teachers will be useless.” Felix chose to act as the voice of reason.

“I really hoped it would be different than Paris…” Marinette moaned.

“It is. If they actually catch her, she will be expelled. But you’re not exactly the headmaster’s favorite person while Erica seems to be held high by him. We would need a solid proof and she is cunning.” Claude explained. 

“Remember Lucy Hunt?” Allegra asked. “She did something to attract Erica’s wrath and she had to move to Metropolis after she had a mental breakdown. Nothing was ever proven and to the naked eye it would look like a series of coincidences.”

“So she is smarter than Lila?” The shorter Parisian asked, worried about what was to come.

“Nah. She just knows how to talk with the right people.” Claude dismissed. 

“First order of business would be to ensure she has nothing real to hurt you with.” Felix started. 

Damian and Marinette shared a worried gaze before the boy spoke. “The site is foolproof. Drake made sure to use some of the best technology we have to protect it. Not even a super AI can hack it.” He subtly nodded his head to where Max and Markov ate. Kim and Alix were with them. The skater girl looked really upset. “Same with social media. Short of an alien invasion or if someone physically broke into where we hid the servers, you’re safe on that front.” 

It clearly took a lot of weight from her shoulders. 

“Okay, now onto blackmail?”

“Tt. That’s not something to discuss where we can be overheard.” Damian quickly shut that topic down. 

“Right. Sorry.” Jon rubbed the back of his neck.

“Don’t worry, Kent. I’m covering that front.” Chloé smirked. 

“That’s great…” Claude started, but then pointed toward another table, with quite a lot of people. “Is that Erica… and you said that Sausage Hair was Layla Bossi?”

“Lila Rossi,” Chloé corrected him. “But I like Lie-la Bossi better now.”

“They seem… friendly..” Jon commented when the two girls hugged.

“I would actually expect them to be rivals, given that both want Damian,” Allegra noted. 

“Are they… crying?” Marinette asked.

“Crocodile tears.” Felix glared at them. “They are up to something. I don’t…” He never got to finish, because a purple butterfly descended from the ceiling and landed on Erica’s ring. The corrupted energy surrounded her momentarily and when it died out, her whole appearance was changed.

She now wore a black one-piece cheerleader uniform, similar to what GA cheerleaders wore, except it was black with red lines and not lilac with a white finish. On her chest, there was, in a jagged script, written ‘Gargoyle’. Her face was now in a light shade of red, with tear stains permanently etched on her cheeks. Her eyes were entirely white. Her blonde hair was turned into a messy mane and two horns stood proudly on her forehead. Her lower legs turned into that of a goat, complete with hooves. She was now holding a whip in one hand and a burning pompon in the other. Small wings were folded on her back.

“A succubus! +10 to charisma and +5 to strength!” A small Asian girl shouted from the nearby table.

“I am Weeping Gargoyle!” The Akuma spoke. “I’ve been used by the one I held dear and now I’m going to get what I was denied. But first,” the creature turned to Marinette and her friends. “You! I’m going to deal with you!” 

“Frick frack I lost me…” Claude started some rhymed joke, but a fireball sailing toward them shut him up. 

Thinking quickly, Marinette flipped over the table to use it as an impromptu cover. Damian kicked the ground and a sword popped from next to his chair. Nobody had time to question how he hid it there because everyone scattered. There was nowhere to transform in all the havoc.

“What’s going on here?” Headmaster Hammer walked through the front doors to the cafeteria to see a demonic cheerleader tossing flaming pompons that exploded. “Teenagers.” He growled. From under his cloak, he drew a saber and took a battle stance. “Fiend!” He rushed at her. The whip slashed at him, but the headmaster deflected it with an incredible show of swordsmanship. This created an opening for Damian to charge from the other side. He managed to dodge the flaming ball and slice at her hand. At the last moment, the wing shielded the Akuma and his blade bounced off without leaving the slightest cut. The headmaster was met with the same fate. 

“Stupid men!” The Akuma shouted. A ring of fire exploded from her, pushing and burning both of the attackers. 

“Run.” Headmaster snapped at Damian. “I’ll hold her off.” 

“Tt. You’re old. Get to safety.” The boy snapped back.

“You’re so getting detention for this!” Hammer scowled as the two dodged their separate ways.

“Hey! The tryouts are in the gym!” A voice spoke from a hole in the roof. A spotted heroine leaped from the hole while throwing a yo-yo at the Akuma. The cheerleader shielded with her wings before flapping them and lifting from the ground. 

“You’re not who I want! I’ll get your miraculous later!” She flew through the same hole the heroine entered through. The whole cafeteria was now on fire. Ladybug met Damian’s gaze for a moment before grabbing the headmaster and jumping outside. He was in bad condition from all the smoke. 

She laid him on the ground to make sure he was okay. He coughed several times before the professor was able to speak correctly. “What about the brat!”

“I’m going in now.”

“No need.” Black Cat appeared next to them. “I got him out. We’re lucky the main doors were still working because the rooftop fell apart after I entered.” 

“Cat! The Akuma will be on her ring. It was what created all the fire.”

“Tt. Let’s go.” The two jumped away from the headmaster, who hid a small smile.

-----------

Three girls and two boys snuck around the campus. Most of the students were already evacuated, but they managed to stay undetected and remain in the action area.

“I still think we shouldn’t go after a supervillain.” Kyle tried, but Maps made a gesture that told him to stop speaking.

“Sh! I’m telling you, it was Erica. A butterfly landed on her and she suddenly transformed into that monster.”

“I read about it. It was a demon. The Lord of Butterflies sent it to take her over. If we aren’t careful, it will turn all of us into that monster.”

“Olivia? You’ve got the crossbow?”

“Please. Demon? Lord of Butterflies?” Colton criticized. “Are you sure it wasn’t just some manga?”

“Shut up! How else would you explain what happened to Erica?” Pomeline asked. “It’s obviously dark magic.”

“Okay. Assuming it is dark magic, how are we supposed to protect ourselves? I’m pretty sure I don’t have tinfoil hats on me.”

“Fool. The only thing that can protect you from the Lord of Butterflies are positive emotions.” She spoke like it was an obvious fact, yet still making it sound ominous. 

Abruptly, the wall they were hiding behind exploded, and a girl dressed in a skintight red and black outfit flew past them. A boy in assassin garb followed. He landed on his feet and started to spin a staff fast enough to create a shield. Several fireballs flew at him, but they all smashed into the shield harmlessly. 

He noticed them cowering behind the wall.

“Tt. What are you doing here!? Get away! Now!”

Ladybug jumped up and leaped from behind him, throwing her yoyo. It wrapped over the leg of the villain and pulled the flying Akuma down. Cat charged past his partner and smashed her with his baton like it was a baseball bat, sending her into the wall. 

“Lucky Charm!” The heroine tossed the yo-yo above her head and a red-and-black watermelon fell into her arms. With only a moment’s hesitation, she tossed it to Cat, who already knew what to do. Once more playing baseball, he redirected the watermelon over to the akuma. She just managed to get it together when the fruit landed on her horns and got stuck. The change of weight made her fall, which Ladybug used to dash toward her and tie her with her own whip. She then pulled the ring from her finger and crushed it in her hand. 

A purple butterfly escaped her grasp, which she caught into her yo-yo. 

“Bye Bye little butterfly.” She then grabbed the watermelon and tossed it high in the air. “Miraculous Ladybug!” 

The item exploded into a swarm of glowing bugs that fixed everything there was to fix. It looked like the supervillain never attacked. 

“What… I…” Erica was back to normal and very confused. “There was… I remember…”

“Don’t worry. The paramedics will be with you shortly.” Ladybug calmed her. There was a bit of cold in her voice, but it was probably because she just finished fighting her a moment ago.

“I told you it’s magic.” Pomeline grinned victoriously while she whispered at Colton.

“Ehm.” Suddenly, the group was startled by the sound of someone clearing their throat behind them. “Mind explaining to me why are you here and not evacuated with everyone else?”

“Oh! Um… You see…” Maps started, but Pomeline was too focused on something else. “Where did you learn magic! Can you teach me?! I mean we go to school here and I want to help if Lord of Butterflies and his Demons attack again!”

“Lord of Butterflies?” Ladybug walked to them and asked, again startling the whole group.

“Yes. There was an old book in the library. I managed to decipher part of it and it spoke of the Lord of Butterflies and Demons he sent to possess people. But there is only so far a translator on my phone could take me. I’m not exactly fluent in Mandarin.”

“Can you lead us to it?” The superheroine was showing almost too much interest.

“Will you teach me magic?” Pomeline tried to bargain. 

“Tt. You will take us there or we return with the police and you will take us there.” Black Cat was not in the mood. Blackmail was the last thing he wanted right now. 

“Fine.” The girl scoffed and led them toward the library.

“How did you summon a watermelon?” The smallest girl asked zooming over to Ladybug. “Are you a summoner? I never played a summoner. They have some nice spells I suppose…”

Ladybug, against herself, giggled at the girl’s antics. She also noted in the corner of her eyes that Damian was also smiling under the hood. 

Nobody noticed when Erica slipped away.

-------

The library was large and dusty. It didn’t look like many people came here.

“It’s the old building. When Bruce Wayne funded a new library with new books, they decided to just keep the old one as an archive. Now only people that come here are us and Mr. Scarlet.”

“The new library totally had nothing to do with Damian Wayne getting expelled for the fourth time.” Colton joked and Ladybug giggled when Black Cat muttered a curse under his breath. 

“The book was in the back. I didn’t want to move it…” 

When they turned the corner, they saw a woman in a blue and purple dress standing over a book with a tablet. She was taking pictures of the pages. Her skin was blue and her hair purple. 

The group immediately pressed against the wall, and Pom pulled a handheld mirror to take a look around the corner without risk of being spotted. Meanwhile, Ladybug and Black Cat looked at one another and their faces took a serious expression. There was a kind of silent dialogue going on between them and they both nodded at the same time. In complete silence, Cat used his staff to up and meld with the shadows. Only his green eyes were visible until they too disappeared. 

Ladybug opened her Yo-Yo like a phone and took a photo of the feathered villain. She was turned to them, but even something as simple as that could be a major help. Kwami bless magical phones for making perfect pictures without a flash. 

With the proof needed, she aimed her yo-yo, spun it twice around before throwing it forward. The projectile sailed true and wrapped around her arm holding the tablet. The villainess was surprised and let go of the tool as Ladybug yanked on the line and made her opponent lose balance. That was the cue for Black Cat, who swooped from the ceiling, snatched the tablet, and leaped back into the shadows. 

“Ugh! Stupid peasants!” The Peacock cursed. Instead of freeing her hand, she allowed the fan to slip into her hand and unfolded it. She tried to pull on the yo-yo’s line and make her opponent fly to her. It worked, but Ladybug twisted mid-air and came at the villainess feet first in a kick. The blue woman had to block it, but she still held the line. The heroine used it for her advantage and flipped the line over Peacock’s neck and started to choke her. It also held her in place. Black Cat, who already deposited the tablet in a safe place, swept down and tried to grab the brooch, but he got kicked back by an angry woman, fighting for a breath. 

Peacock folded her fan and swiped at the line, cutting it and making Ladybug fall on her back. The Villainess took a deep breath and looked around to analyze her situation. She was outnumbered and the element of surprise was still on her opponents’ side. Even without the yo-yo, Ladybug was a formidable foe and she wasn’t sure who the new Black Cat was. She had a silent suspicion, but nothing solid. 

“Until we meet again, fools.” She leaped up and onto the shelves. Cat went in pursuit, but she saw the kids hidden behind one of the shelves and purposefully made it fall when she jumped onto it. The kids didn’t have enough time to scatter. Predictably, Black Cat went to save the kids. 

He pushed Maps from under the falling shelf but got stuck there himself. His suit and enhanced body could withstand it, but not his bruised ego. 

“Don’t be a grumpy cat. We’ve got her tablet.” Ladybug stood over him and grinned before helping him stand up. 

“Tt. We might have our first lead.” He grinned. 

“Let’s go check the book itself. The fact she was after it makes me think it has more value than I first suspected.”

----------------

Masterlist // Next

[omiscurls]

bruises

oikawa tooru (fck yes)

the word count: 3680

it does get a little angsty in the middle, but don't worry, it's pure fluff.

and let's go!

"You have to stop doing this to yourself, you know, Tooru?" you asked in a soft voice, as you finished wrapping a bandage around his knee, him sitting on the edge of your bed, and you on the floor "Wait, hold on for a moment. Hey there, Elsa, get me your Frozen band aids, alright?" you yelled, and then heard little feet running around the house, so you assumed she heard.

"Why do you call your sister Elsa? That's not her real name" he laughed, running a hand through his hair, and then suddenly falling on his back.

"Ever since she's watched that damn movie, she won't respond unless you refer to her as Elsa" you explained, rolling your eyes. "Surely you remember from when your nephew was her age, if she sets her mind on something, there's just no coming back until she gets bored"

"And how long has it been?"

"Around two months? Everybody got used to it, honestly, except for my mom, cause she chose her real name, and now she's upset, because whenever she uses it, that little monster just throws a tantrum and screams and cries like she's being kidnapped or something" you sighed.

Around the time you finished your sentence, the little girl came running into the room, holding a small box of plasters with "Frozen" characters printed on them.

"Thank you sweetie" you answered, taking the box from her "You can go continue whatever you were doing now, we'll make dinner in a bit, and mom and dad will be home late, alright?" you explained calmly, almost mechanically adjusting her dress, because of course she god it all wrinkled after playing on the floor all day.

But to your suprise, she just stood in place, looking at your boyfriend, draped all over your bed like a fricking Armani's model.

"Alright, 'Kawa, you want Olaf or the reindeer?" you asked, searching through the box.

"It's Sven!" they both shouted in unison, making you chuckle.

"Alright, well you're getting Sven then" you said, taking off the package it was wrapped in, and sticking it onto the bandage. "Cute" you summarized, finally standing up, and sitting on the bed beside Oikawa, who was now back to a sitting position, just to admire the little detail on his bandage.

You noticed your sister was still there, her eyes all glossy, for some reason, and you rewinded the conversation in your head to make sure you didn't say anything to upset her.

"What's up, my little princess?" Tooru asked, a concerned look on his face. For someone as attention seeking and childish himself, he was suprisingly good with kids, or more so, with little girls, boys hated him for some reason.

"What happened to Tooru-san?" she asked, her voice shaking a bit, and her hands trembled as she held onto the box tightly.

He laughed it off.

"Nothing sweetie, it's just there because I like it that way" Oh, what a smooth lie, you thought, because looking at him suffer really made you tear up sometimes as well.

"No it's not!" she yelled "People only get bandages when they're hurt!" she stomped her foot onto the floor loudly, making him giggle nervously, not knowing what to say.

"Oh, I guess you got me there, doctor" he admitted, scratching the back of his head in stress, the nicest smile he could pull off painting his lips.

You only crossed your arms at the chest level, and watched the situation develope. If he wasn't going to promise to be careful to you, then you weren't going to help him out with the little devil. Let him clean up his own mess, you thought.

"Did someone beat you up?" she asked, tears already running down her cheeks, as she sobbed loudly.

"No, of course not!" he got really scared, watching her get all emotional like that. He kneeled down to her level and hugged her "Nobody could beat uncle Tooru up, I'm the best" he smirked, but she only shook his head.

You laughed. He got what he deserved.

"Look, it's nothing serious, alright? I just tripped at practice and have to keep it bandaged so that I could still play volleyball! You remember when your sister took you to my game, right? I always have it like this when I play, you just never noticed, my princess" he smiled, and gently wiped the tears off her tiny face. "Nothing bad happened, I promise, have I ever lied to you?"

"No" she mumbled.

You were right now, though, you thought, but stayed silent.

"Exactly. Now, go finish what you were doing and then I'll do you something extra for dinner alright?"

"Ice-cream?" her eyes lit up as she gasped in awe.

"No" he laughed "Not this time, your sister might kill me. But something special, just for my little princess" he touched the tip of her nose with his finger, making her smile, nod, and run off to her room.

He sighed, as he got back on the bed.

"So lying to children is your new hobby now?" you asked casually, a grin on your face.

"Oh shut it, I got nervous. When did she get so good with puppy eyes?" he whined, covering his face with his hands.

"I guess she's learning from the best" you mumbled, laying down next to him, and hiding your face in the folds of his shirt.

"I guess she is" he laughed vibrantly, then staying silent for a minute.

"You've got to stop doing it, Tooru, whether you like it or not" you whispered, your finger marking circles on his chest, his hand playing with your hair.

You felt him inhale deeply before answering.

"Just one more match, I've got to beat Tobio this time" he hissed, gripping the bedsheet with his other hand.

"You've said that before"

"I can't let him win. You don't understand, I just... I'd fall apart if I lost to him. I was afraid of it all middle school, and even now, he hasn't left me in peace. See, of course I want to beat Wakatoshi. Of course I want to go to nationals, of course I want to win, no matter who I'm playing against. But that's just because I love volleyball, and I'm the team captain, and a third year, on top of that. It's my job to want to win, and the competetiveness I was born with. But against Tobio, it's much more personal. He's like that little demon inside my head who just keeps hissing 'you can't do it', 'you won't make it, no matter what you do, you can't beat me, I'm a genious. Who cares if I'm a selfish little asshole who has no people skills whatsoever, I was born with it, so I'll always win. You'll just never be good enough', you know?"

You felt his hand slide away from your hair, as he was no longer able to focus on doing anything else, getting really caught up in his thoughts.

"Would it help to think he's a human being, too? He has to practice as well, he has troubles, and issues, and worse days, just like you, and just like the rest of the world. Nobody's perfect, Tooru"

"I tried that. Many times in my life had Iwa told me I'm a monster for hating a little hid like that, because he's two years younger and deserves help from his senpais, not hatred. And of course I know that, I know he's just trying to play, like we all are, but fuck, sunshine, I can't get him out of my head, it's like I suddenly can't catch a breath when he's around, I feel trapped, I want to escape as soon as possible, but I know I can't, and it's impossible for me just to forget it and be all nice and senpai-ish. I know you all don't get it, I'm fine with that, I get that nobody understands why someone would be afraid of the one person in the entire world that actually looks up to him, I know I'm dumb and immature, alright? I know all that, I'm fine with being called childish, I just need to win. Or I'll fall apart."

You felt his breathing become short as he started to talk louder and louder every sentence, his voice cracking from time to time. Your heart ached, because there was nothing you could do to help.

You know what he was doing to himself needed to be stopped, but then again, he'd be miserable if he wasn't able to practice before the match, he'd probably panic and start making mistakes he wouldn't do if only he was calm.

It was like an endless circle of pain, both mental and physical, that you just couldn't seem to know how to stop. Like he was stuck in a loop you couldn't help him get out of.

"Sit up" you only ordered quietly, moving away from him so he'd be able to do it. He moved to support his back on the wall beside your bed, looking at you with slight suprise. You decided to sit on his lap to be able to look him dead in the eyes as you speak. "Stop crying"

"I'm not crying" he said, so confidently, you knew he didn't even realize. You swiped your thumbs again his cheeks to wipe the tears away, and only then did he notice he was in fact, crying.

"Listen to me" you cupped his face with your cold hands, causing him to shiver, as he stared into your eyes in shock. "You're not a monster, you just have bad memories with the guy, and it's causing you to panick a bit when you think about challlenging him. Let me break it to you, it's normal. You're normal. You're acting normally. I do understand how you feel, I at least try to, but don't think I'll just let you continue hurting your body like that. That's as bad as hurting yourself on purpose. There's only one Tobio Kageyama and countless other opponents you'll play against in your career, but that is unless you decide to fuck up your knee completely now, and never play again. How does that sound?"

It came out more harshly than you'd want it to, but someone had to break it to him, and you were glad it was you.

"But—"

"No buts! Tooru, I love you, and I want what's best for you. We'll get through this together, step by step, and before you know it, you won't be scared before facing him anymore."

"I'm not scared of that little brat! See, that's just it, if you try to put my emotions into words, it just doesn't work, I tried that a thousand times already! He's a selfish little kid and I couldn't care less about him, I'm not fucking scared!"

"Shush, my sister is in the room next door, you idiot" you scolded him a bit, your expression becoming very harsh suddenly. He nodded, but continued, only in a lower voice.

"I can't name the emotion I'm feeling. I only know that I so desperately want to feel something else" he whispered, suddenly facing down, eyes focused on his fingers, intertwined together, and kinda sweaty. "Even if it's physical pain, I'll rather have that than this... whatever this is."

Upon saying that, his voice cracked for the last time, before he finally snapped, and started sobbing uncontrollably.

"Shit, I'm sorry, I wasn't supposed to react like that" he only managed to say, but you didn't respond, only hugging him close to your chest, putting your chin on the top of his head.

"Shh, it's alright. I'm right here" you whispered, moving his head a bit to be able to kiss his forehead. "Stop being a baby with this, and let me help you, alright? We've been through so much together, and this is no different. You're not alone in this, Tooru, and you never will be, do you understand?"

He nodded, not wanting to speak yet, afraid his voice will crack again.

You knew how embarassed he must've felt, he hated crying in front of anybody, but you saw that build up within him ever since your babysitting "date" started; his eyes were watery and tired when he first showed up at your doorstep.

"I'm just glad to have you here today, and know you're not doing anything stupid, if your mind is spiraling like this. I'm glad you told me all that, instead of keeping it all inside, like you always do. I'm glad you're safe. And remember, it's not all that bad to open up sometimes, even if it means sheading a few tears. They make you look more like a man than ever" you smiled, raising his chin up. He giggled, wiping his cheeks.

"Stop talking to me like to a four-year-old" he whispered.

"I mean it! Look at my man, showing he's sometimes a human too, instead of sharing yet another example of toxic masculinity. The pride I'm feeling right now—"

"Alright, alright, enough" he full on laughed. "Shut it already, you sound as seriously as my mum when she says 'no Tooru, of course you were planned. What do you mean you're a dozen years younger than your sister? That was part of the plan!' Really, improve your lying game, sunshine"

You bursted out laughing.

"What're you even talking about, oh my god"

Suddenly you felt arms wrap around your waist, and could smell Oikawa's perfume again.

He held you like that for a second before he could say something.

"Thank you" he whispered "For seeing that something in me that I can't notice" you hugged him back, gripping the material of his shirt, and squeezing his body even tighter. "For being there for the better and the worse, for sticking by my side... for dealing with me. I know I'm a lot"

You pulled back instantly.

"Who on earth had told you you're a lot?"

"Everyone, I guess? I mean, am I not? Even I can see it"

"Well, we all have our good sides and our flaws, but no, you're not a lot. We're all different, and you're my boyfriend, who I love and who I don't have to deal with, I'm just with him because spending time with him is like my own personal drug that I'm addicted to and I don't even want to get better" you smiled widely, as he giggled again, hearing your statement.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, plus, you're hot, there's also that" you laughed, and he blushed just a little.

"I know, I have a mirror" he said, but deep down you knew he needed to hear that. Just as he couldn't see through the fact that he wasn't a monster, bullying a little kid, he probably had trouble seeing just how beautiful he really was, as well.

"Alright Mr Selfish, let me put my make up on real quick, if you so want to take Elsa to Pizza Hut" you sighed, moving to sit by your desk, and got all your cosmetics out.

"Hey, can I do it?" he asked, and you turned around, suprised, to see his eyes almost glow in the dark room.

"Am I going to look like a clown? Because if so, then no" you shook your head, but he was already beside you.

"No actually, my sister let me do hers back in the day, and I got kinda good, but I haven't done it in like, forever. It was always so satysfying to do" he said in a dreamy voice, so you took another chair from under the desk, and shrugged your shoulders in a 'you do you' gesture. You were kinda curious how it was going to work out, and after all, you had plenty of time to wipe it off and do again, if it was going to look terrible.

"It gets more annoying than satysfying if you do it every damn day, but you can try if you want to"

He took a quick look at your stuff.

"You use different things than Miko-chan does" he stated, already extremely focused. "Alright so, is this the concealer?" he asked, visibly curious, taking what truly was your concealer.

"Bingo" you laughed, and he opened it and started making dots under your eyes, your nose, and some spots you had on your face. You were suprised, noticing it were the exact spots where you'd put it.

"Where's your blender, though?" he looked around, but the foam was nowhere to be found.

"I don't have one, it was old, I threw it away and haven't gotten a new one. You're gonna have to use hands" you explained, closing your eyes.

It was a nice feeling, because he was extremly cautious, and only tapped your undereyes really sotfly, as if he was afraid to hurt you on accident. His fingers felt nice, touching your skin, but in a totally different manner than usual. It was more like a massage, honestly.

"Powder" he whispered, more to himself, than to you, and grabbed your powder and a brush. He tapped your shoulder, so you'd open your eyes, and showed you the product, with a literal question mark across his face. You nodded, and giggled, when you saw him so focused and serious, he looked like a cute little kid. "Stop laughing or I won't be able to do it" he pouted, and you managed to keep the smile off your lips, while feeling him gently stroking your face with the brush, again, as if he was afraid of breaking something on accident.

"Do you use an eyeshadow base?" he asked, when he finally put down the powder. He put on a little to much, you felt it getting kinda shell-y on your face, but you didn't mind.

"Yeah, but don't use it, we're not going to any sort of party, concealer and mascara will be quite enough"

"Shush, don't interfere in the artist's work" he mumbled, taking the base and tapping it against your eyelids, even more softly than before. He then grabbed a smaller brush and an eyeshadow palette, and sighed heavily before moving on to the hardest part of his job.

You were starting to get bored, and often shivered, feeling his breathing against your skin, for what he'd get all mad at you, because "You twitched, now it's ruined!" even if it wasn't. It was a great experience, though, and you as long as it was keeping his mind of spiraling on the Tobio Kageyama topic, then he could paint your face all day long.

He often cursed underneath his breath, for which you'd kick him slightly, under the desk.

"It's just so... it flakes off so easily! I'll buy you a palette for the next holiday there is" he mumbled, and you tried so hard not to laugh.

"You do know I don't even use it that often?"

"That's because you're the most beautiful girl on the planet without any make up, but what's the harm in making you shine just a bit brighter?" he grinned, focusing again on your eyelids.

Once he finished, he added some mascara, which was stressing for the both of you, and you often to do it for him twice, and then moved on to your brows, which didn't take him too long.

"Do you do contouring?" he asked, looking for the right products.

"I don't, it's too complicated for me. But if I did, I guess you should do that before the eyes."

"Depends on who do you ask" he winked, hading you the little mirror. "Now, be honest."

You were honestly amazed. Did Miko Oikawa train her brother into doing her make up each morning? There was no other explanation for him to be this good at it. He did a bit of a smokey eye, and even though the eyebrows were a little too thick, and the powder was weighting down on your cheeks, you were truly suprised it came out that well.

"So?" he asked, his hands covering his mouth, as he was waiting impatiently.

"It's great, Tooru, when did you learn that?" you said in awe.

"Miko-chan always said I have more control over my hands than she does, so she taught me. My dad didn't like it, though, but at least we had fun." he explained, getting up, and offering you his hand, so you'd get up as well. You put down the little mirror, and followed his lead. "I'm glad you like it" he said, pressing a soft kiss against your forehead. "Wow, did I put too much of that there?"

"Kinda"

"I told you to be honest!"

"I was!" you laughed, as he pouted, shaking his head in disbelief. 'The audacity', you heard him whisper.

You left the room.

"Princess, come here, time for your surprise!" he yelled, and the little girl sprinted out of her bedroom, a huge grin on her lips. He kneeled down to her level, and pointed to his back, and she instantly understood what was going on, and jumped on him. He got up, placing her legs over his shoulders, and grabbing her by the ankles, so she wouldn't fall off.

"I don't think you're supposed to do that" you said condesendingly, but he rolled his eyes at you.

"She's being grumpy, princess, right?" he asked, looking up. Your little sister nodded frantically, pulling his hair in all different directions.

"How come you don't get angry when she messes up your hairstyle?" you mumbled with fake jealousy in your voice.

"She gets special privileges for being my princess, duh" he answered, unbothered, and stepped aside, so you'd get downstairs first, upon seeing your deadly glance. "Ladies first, queen"

"Finally"

[ahtohallan-calling]

an unfortunate incident | a drabble set in my plane au/professor kristoff verse

The one where Kristoff accidentally backs into Anna with his car.

written with @gabiwnomagic‘s help

“Sofie!” Kristoff cried as he charged into the kitchen, Anna in his arms. “Call 911!”

The little girl’s jaw dropped, a cheerio falling from where it had been stuck to her lower lip. “Which one is the nine, Pappa?”

“She doesn’t have a phone, Kris,” Anna groaned, rubbing the back of her head. “Also, she’s three.”

“Hush, kjaere, you’re bleeding!”

“What the fu-- frick does that have to do with me talking?”

“What’s wrong with Mommy?” Sofie asked, her lip trembling now. 

“Nothing, Ducky, I-- Kristoff, at least make yourself useful if you’re going to be dramatic and carry me over there,” Anna said irritably, pointing towards the high chair, and he complied, clenching his hands tight enough around Anna’s shoulder and leg that she yelped in pain.

“What is it? Where does it hurt?” he cried, and she smacked his chest in frustration.

“Where you’re squeezing me, you big doof,” she said, a hint of amusement undercutting her irritation. “And you can set me down, thanks. It’s my elbow that’s bleeding, not my legs.”

He set her down after a moment’s hesitation, though he didn’t move an inch away from her even as she freed Sofie from the high chair and pulled her close, bouncing her gently. “Mommy’s fine,” she reassured the toddler. “We were just playing a game.”

“Oh, okay,” the little girl said with a sigh of relief, her head falling against her mother’s shoulder. “Can I have waffles?”

---

“Honey, you have to go to work.”

“I will, but you have to answer the question first, Anna.”

She crossed her arms; it would have looked less intimidating if she wasn’t sitting in the armchair, swaddled in a quilt, with an ice pack perched precariously on top of her head (which was the most ridiculous part of all, considering she’d hit the back of her head when she fell.) “It’s 1964. JFK is still the president, right? Nothing bad happened to him?”

“Ikke morsomt, skatten min,” he snapped from where he knelt in front of her.

“It is, too. Kris, baby, it’s fine. You hit me with your car. That probably happens to every couple at some point. I’m sure my mom wanted to hit my dad with hers more than once.”

His eyes widened in concern. “You think I wanted to hit you?”

She groaned and leaned forward to cup his face in her hands, the ice pack falling with a thunk onto the floor. “Kristoff. Honey. Love of my life. Father of my child. I know you did not want to hit me, but I also know that you are worrying way too much about an accident where nobody really got hurt when you need to be on your way to work.”

“But you are hurt. There’s already bruises on your elbow. And what if there’s-- what if there’s internal bleeding, or-- or brain bleeding, or you have an aneurysm--”

“Honey,” she pleaded, leaning further down to kiss his forehead, “you were backing out of the garage and tapped me, and if I hadn’t been halfway through taking a step I wouldn’t have even fallen. People don’t get internal bleeding from that.”

He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, knocking his glasses askew. “I’m so sorry, Anna. I...I never…”

She sighed and reached forward to affectionately straighten the glasses. “It was an accident. And it was partially my fault, anyway, for running behind the car to bring you your lunch. Oh!”

“What?” he gasped, frightened again.

“That was a good lunch, too,” she pouted, crossing her arms. “I put two kinds of cheese on your sandwich. But I think you stepped on it when you ran over screaming ‘dear God, what have I done’?”

“I didn’t do that, Anna,” he said, exasperated.

“Look, if you get to be dramatic, so do I.”

“Faen, kjaere,” he grumbled, “I feel bad enough already.”

She kissed the tip of his nose this time. “Then I’m sorry, too. Now we’re even. Go to work.”

“Gabrielle can cover my--”

“I will call and tell her what you did if you don’t go right now, so help me God, and you know she will never let you live it down.”

That got him scrambling for the door.

---

“Kris?” Anna asked groggily. “What’s wrong?”

“Anna? Are you okay? You sound funny. Do I need to come home?”

She groaned and shifted beneath Sofie where the little girl had fallen asleep on her chest while they were in the middle of a Disney Princess marathon. “No, we were just napping, and you woke me up.”

“Oh, good.”

“Good? I was having a great dream, just FYI.”

“Well, if you have a concussion, then you’re not supposed to sleep.”

“That’s not actually true. And I don’t have a concussion. Just an insane headache that gets worse when people talk.”

He was quiet for a long moment. “Are you mad at me?”

“For this phone call, yes. For hitting me with your car, no?”

He swore under his breath as a loud laugh came from his end. Anna winced and held the phone away from her ear. “Kristoff, are you on speakerphone?”

“He is,” came Gabrielle’s ecstatic voice. “He was making me ride to CVS with him before we went to Panera, but he wouldn’t say why. And now I know.”

Anna sighed and set a hand on Sofie’s back as the little girl began to stir. “Tell him to get me mac and cheese, okay? The full-sized one. In a bread bowl. And grilled cheese for Sofie.”

“Selvfølgelig, skatten min.”

“Using Norwegian in front of me is unfair, Bjorgman. Just because I’m the only one in the department to focus on Finnish--”

“Goodbye, both of you,” Anna said irritably before pressing the button to hang up, and she closed her eyes again.

A moment later, she heaved a sigh and lifted the phone again to tap out a text.

Jeg elsker deg, Kris. Stop worrying.

---

She hadn’t thought it was possible, but Kristoff held her even more tenderly than normal that night in bed, peppering her face with slow, soft kisses while he ran a hand gently up and down her spine. It took all her willpower to put a hand on his chest and push him just barely away, and the look of worry that immediately filled his eyes when she did so nearly made her wince.

“You really don’t have to feel this bad about it, honey,” she said softly, tracing her fingers along his cheekbone. “It was an accident that could have happened to anyone, and I’m fine.”

“But you could have been not fine,” he whispered. “What if I had really hurt you?”

She knew where this was coming from, why it tore so at him; she just hadn’t wanted to face it until they had the time to talk about it properly.

She brushed the tip of her nose gently against his. “I worry about losing you, too, sometimes,” she admitted. “Because I know-- we both know-- how fast things can happen.”

He drew a shuddering breath, his eyes sliding shut. “I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you, skatten min. Today I...I know I was being ridiculous, but it was like...I couldn’t help it, Anna. I’m sorry. I just worry about you.”

“I know. I’m sorry I teased you.”

“I deserved it, I think.”

She laughed softly and nestled close to him again, smiling when his arms wrapped warmly around her. “You did. But I know it probably didn’t help.”

“It did. It reminded me that if you were okay enough to laugh at me, then surely you were going to be fine.”

“Well...I am a little sore,” she said sweetly, looking up at him through her lashes. “Like on my elbow. It’s bruised.”

“Are you going to make me kiss it better like I do for Sofie?”

She nodded, already leaning back and raising the injured arm. “It’s the only cure, Kristoff. Nothing else will make me feel better.”

“I thought you said the mac and cheese-- what was it? ‘Purged your body of agony and cured all wounds past, present, and future’, because it was that good?”

“I was a different woman then. I’ve changed.”

He obliged her then, kissing the aggrieved elbow and trailing a line of kisses up the rest of her arm and over her shoulder until he reached the corner of her jaw, where he left one lingering kiss before pulling her as close as he could to his chest, tucking her carefully under his chin before folding his arms securely around her.

Anna smiled and nuzzled her face against his neck. “I’m glad you hit me with your car if it ended up like this.”

He chuckled, the sound rumbling against her. “Do you want me to hit you again tomorrow?” he teased, and finally she relaxed fully against him, reassured that he, too, was going to be alright.

“No,” she replied cheerfully. “Tomorrow, it’s your turn.”

[mysteriousmoonie]

gaming club headcanons

i haven’t been on this funcking site forever and i haven’t posted any dumbass headcanons on the yandere simulator tag in forever. so much has happened?? my girl hanako has plot relevance in a different universe and my boi kencho is on a boat but whatever floats his boat---- *slapped* okay let’s talk about this instead :)))

read more because these are looooonggggg

gema taku: (look mom it’s me in four years!)

- it’s been established that he’s an asshole. and he is, don’t get me wrong. but i like to think gema genuinely wants some friends- just people who have the same interests as him. i think everybody can agree on that, he just takes it way too far.

- but that’s because gema is passionate about video games! his parents (but especially his grandparents on his mom’s side omg) have spoiled him, mainly giving him video games since they’re expensive and to them expensive = kids like it. that’s how he got his first gameboy color when he was only five. ever since he’s been addicted

- but now his parents are REALLY worried, they’re like ‘frick we fricked our kid up’ his grandparents are supportive as ever but that’s because he doesn’t live with them. if he ever moved in with them (and let’s be real, if he doesn’t get his life together soon he’ll have to!) they’d be as disappointed as his parents. but he doesn’t know how disappointed they are yet shhh

- he actually has a little brother who would be in like 5th grade if they were in america. (i dunno i’m dumb) his little brother doesn’t like spending time with him and gema doesn’t like spending time with his brother. 

- while it’s true gema’s brother hates him and his brother is nowhere near as spoiled as gema, his brother still likes video games. they’ve 100% done the “mom said it’s my turn on the xbox” thing together, pretty much every day after school

- speaking of after school literally the only responsibility gema has is to pick up his brother; he forgets to do it half the time. 

- his brother does martial arts as a hobby and gema is forced to go to his brother’s matches. he hates it and mainly plays video games like always,,, though sometimes he peeks up, gives his brother a thumbs up, then goes back to whatever he was doing. he’s a jerk but he can be sorta supportive

- honestly gema’s brother could take him down in a few seconds despite being half his size

- really popular on social media, has this whole persona and everything! only the gaming club members (and probs his brother too) knows about it but he’s mostly teased. secretly he kinda wishes he could be as popular on the internet as he is in real life (Same gema same, but i’m not popular anywhere lol)

- get this though! he doesn’t really have a crush on the bullies. he just wants to be friends with them so he can get popular. i think that’d be a good alternative so the fandom could not be pissed off about it (but i don’t really like it either don’t get it twisted fam)

- hoarding thousands of anime body pillows within his closet

- honestly his only friends are the guys in the gaming club but they don’t even 100% like him... actually, midori does! him and midori are really good friends and they genuinely like each other’s company. but gema will never admit that out loud.

- hates fureddo, considers him satan even though that guy is one of the nicest at school. 

pippi osu: (when you play osu! and yandere simulator)

- obvious headcanon is obvious. she plays osu! a lot and is a champion at it.

- she’s seriously a sweet girl, but she’s really introverted and prefers to be alone most of the time. that’s how she got so good at video games, she dedicated her alone time to it and now she’s an e p i c  g a m e r

- she’s really short, the shortest person in the gaming club. everybody considers her the baby of the group and she gets treated as such. that lowkey annoys her but she’s learned to live with it, and get those sweet sweet baby perks. because that’s a thing now.

- disaster bi!!! she likes girls and boys equally but is kinda shy when it comes to girls in real life. luckily ryuto exists, so it’s fine---

- was probably a furry in middle school. she’s still a fan of sonic boom and wears her bandana the way she does because of it.

- she works at the yandere simulator universe gamestop! it’s a really fun job for her. it’s how she met ryuto! he was buying a video game for a friend of his (not anyone in the gaming club because he didn’t know them at that point) and he saw the super cute cashier and his heart exploded. he died right at that moment and his body was taken to the morgue.

- she has a literal vodka aunt and loves her. she comes by often at the house because pippi’s parents work a lot, so her aunt watches over her! her aunt always brings a ridculous but fun gift with her and they have a lot of fun. once ryuto came over when pippi’s vodka aunt was over and since that woman was lowkey getting a bit drunk she ALMOST SPILLED THE TEA ABOUT PIPPI’S CRUSH ON HIM AND PIPPI WENT TO THE MORGUE

- owns a pet cat named ozzy. (yeah i’m going all out with the references)

ryuto ippongo: (is it THAT DUDE?)

- no, it’s not that dude. he’s awkward as hell and doesn’t even really like video games that much. but it seems like everyone around him does, so he pretends he does. especially for pippi! because oh my GOSH that girl is cute though!!! he knows it and wants to date her really badly but he’s socially anxious and can’t bare to ask her out. yet

- he loves his parents and all, but he’s constantly lying to them saying he’s studying, even though he’s playing video games and “subtly flirting” with a cute girl. (him lying to his parents is actually canon i think)

- honestly the only the only expectation his parents have for him is to get good grades. that’s all they really care about, but they still do love ryuto. he just kinda feels like that’s all they care about sometimes, since they ask about it often and it gets on his nerves

- as you can see ryuto just wants to fit in. he’s never really been part of a distinct crowd before, and it always made him feel different compared to his peers. but once he got into the gaming club he was a lot happier! though, he still doesn’t like how he has to lie to everyone. he really wishes he could just be honest.

- he’s actually dyslexic, but he was worked with at a young age so he can read good enough. he still feels more pressure because of this, though. he keeps this secret from everyone in the gaming club, especially pippi, in fear of being made fun of.

midori gurin: (MY FAVORITE)

- Has ADHD

- Even though she cannot focus whatsoever, her positivity is contagious, and so is her smile. Basically everybody lights up when she walks in the room. However, she has been bullied because of her hyperactivity. Though Midori will stand up for herself, and she takes shit from nobody. Please don’t make Midori mad. She will take you downtown, and she can hold some pretty mean grudges too. (At least, sometimes.)

- Very forgetful, and that’s why she asks so many questions all the time.

- She loves Pokemon! Midori is very passionate about it, and her favorite Pokemon is Magearna. (She’s got thousands of Pokemon plushies)

- Her family is rich, she’s an only child, and she’s somewhat spoiled. She always has the latest technology, ESPECIALLY the newest phone models. i read on the wiki that yanderedev said midori’s parents are likely VERY cumb but personally i don’t agree and that’s why i make headcanons, to go against authority :)))

- Wants to become a videogame designer, though she doesn’t have the patience to become one tbh. she thinks it’s easy but when she tries to do it she cries after like, 10 minutes because she can’t code.

- Midori is friends with gema because she knew he needed a real friend, so she’s always there for him!.

- Has a bunch of different accounts for different websites; barely uses them. She is a VERY fast texter, but sometimes gets so excited during texting that misspells words or accidentally ends up spamming the other person she’s texting.

- Is currently secretly dating kaga kusha,,,, OKAY LISTEN! i know the uh, reason why most people ship them... but for my own sake i’m gonna say that’s not canon at all (i hope it’s not) and i’m gonna ship them because the iconic dumb and proud + smart and crazy couple is iconic, at least to me

- Her movements are quick and jerky. 

- Whenever she's happy she hums her favorite songs and dances around everywhere.

mai waifu: (cutie!!!)

- she’s trans and she’s openly out! i’m pretty sure that’s been said everywhere but i like that headcanon so ya know... even if that wouldn’t really work in japan... let’s ignore that! 

- the bullies like to target her for obvious reasons, but she’s learned to ignore them for the most part, and focus on her friends and supporters.

- she is the one that has given the gaming club that whole “otaku” vibe. sure, the others like anime but her!!!! oh her!!!!! she takes it to the extreme. it’s in her nickname, her aesthetic, everything. 

- speaking of aesthetic she has an aesthetic tumblr blog

- she has social anxiety, so she doesn’t have too many friends... but lots of guys (and girls too tbh) have huge crushes on her because she’s just so cute. 

- her best friend is pippi! they play video games, watch anime, have plenty of sleepovers and they play with ozzy! it’s a lot of fun. mai is one of the only people who know of pippi’s crush on ryuto and she is pippi’s wing woman.

- while she’s really good in domestic type of situations (she’s really close to her mom) she can’t really draw. at all. but she still likes it! most of her drawings are crappy looking anime characters, but she tries lol.

k i’m done. expect something on kencho (probably idk) in the future because i love to destroy the yandere simulator tag by being on it

[ravens-rambling]

Hheeeeyyyyyy I just thought up a au properly nobody wants or asked for but my brain won't let this go so um hope you enjoy this little Idk human Remy x Deceit x Picani au I guess?

Blind Deceit

Is permanently blind in one eye (his snake eye) and the other eye is almost blind

He can see things faintly with his one good eye but it's not much mostly only blobs of color

The reason why he's practically blind in both eyes and have horrible scaring on his face you ask? Well there's a reason why he was a orphan kid

Because of his past he has ptsd

He is incredibly skittish and jumpy around others

Flinches anytime a stranger raises their hand towards him or towards very loud noises

He hates it when somebody sneaks up behind him or his blind side, always jumps and screams

It's hard for him to not lie since that was how he had to survive for years but he's improving slowly

His gloves help prevent sensory overload

He loves the feeling of certain textures such as a very bumpy walls

baths helps soothes his scars

Hates candles or anything very heavily scented with a passion

Is never allowed to dress himself

Is very self conscious on how he looks and knows his scars are horrible to look at

Emile and Remy always says how beautiful he is

Often times he is caught scratching at his scars either from it irritating him or he just wants it off so he can look normal

Is a big time snuggler because his body has a hard time keeping warmth and because he loves the feeling of a body close to him

Is very very VERY touch starved boi

Has a snake name Jafar and if you so much as touch his snake without permission he will skin you alive

Photophobia Remy

Has to wear his speciality sunglasses everywhere he goes even inside

Hates that he has to wear them

If he even so much as looks at something bright for too long he gets a massive headache

Can become a migraine and causes him to fall asleep

Has big time insomnia

Often goes days without sleeping

Drinks coffee to keep him up

With the combined efforts of Emile and Deceit they have figured out a way to get him some sleep, cuddling and snuggling him to oblivion while petting his hair

In their shared apartment they keep the lights dimmed down for him so he doesn't have to wear his glasses inside

There are plenty of times that he forgets to wear his glasses when they are going somewhere, luckily Deceit reminds him

Has absolutely horrible short term memory loss

Like worse then Emile and that says something

Remy is not allowed to go shopping alone unless you want a call every 10 minutes asking where he is and what he's doing there

Often goes into a room doesn't remember why he went there just shrugs and walks back out

It's not uncommon to have him walk up to you open his mouth a few times only for nothing to come out and he'll just shrug and say sorry then walk away

Very very self conscious of this fact but tries to blow it off with jokes

Autistic Emile

Can go on a hours long infodump about something he loves

He hyperfixtaties really badly

Like he'll properly die someday because he is so fixated on one thing and ends up falling over a cliff or something

Almost has frozen to death, walked in front of a moving car, you name it he's done it

A STIMY BOI

like he has to stim all the time if he's not he can't even form sentences

Often suffers from sensory overload to the point he'll start crying and screaming

His fits are not very pretty

Most of the time he gets them from too much interaction

Bright lights bug the frick out of him and he can't focus unless they are turned off

Doesn't always notice when people aren't listening to him but stops immediately when somebody speaks up

You can hear him mumbling the Steven Universe opening to himself all the time

He moves his hands a lot when he talks, may or may not have hit Deceit a few times in the face

When he gets excited his sentences gets all jumbled up and it's hard to understand him

Though Remy and Deceit knows what he's saying by now

Sometimes he can be very blunt and his voice deadpans sometimes so it comes off as very harsh

People have yelled at him before thinking that he's upset with them

That caused him to cry every time

Luckily his boyfriends knows he doesn't mean no harm

Is a asexual boi

Is very very uncomfortable with anything romantic or sexual

Didn't tell his boyfriends that for the longest time until one day when they kept flirting with him and he just broke

His bedroom is full of stuffed animals and figures, etc. It's hard to find a spot to even put something down

He has to cuddle with his stitch onesie to sleep

He knows Remy needs to be cuddled to sleep but most nights he can't handle being touched so Deceit has to cuddle him (not that the snakey boi complains)

He hates to look at somebody when he talks, his eye constantly shifts everywhere. Has gotten yelled at for it but his brain shuts down when he has to look at somebody when speaking.

Oh and his parents....weren't very accepting of him. They thought of his autism and asexuality as a disease and made him go through years upon years of therapy

Nothing worked so they just didn't care about him

Often slapping him or punishing him if he does something 'weird' or 'abnormal'

Still expect that today and it took a lot for his boyfriends to pull him out of his shell and see the true him

Doesn't get sarcasm...like at all

Remy has to explain his jokes countless times to him and he still doesn't get some

Anytime everything becomes too much he goes to Deceit before a fit and he gives him Jafar. The snake immediately curls around him and bleeps at him. For some reason the texture on his scales soothes and calms Emile. And the snake knows exactly what to do to make him smile.

Once he's calmed down the two ask him what's wrong

[misterultra4k]

Chapter 1, probably will rewrite this entire thing

*click* *click* He skipped around from one video to the next. There wasn’t really much happening anymore. The year was 2020, a pandemic had covered the world in fear. But, it’s all fake. He thought. The government has always been in the business of lying to people, it’s not like they would stop now.

He cleared his throat and took a sip from an energy drink. It had been another late night alone at his computer. He hadn’t seen another living soul for some days now. Weeks before, he spent every other night playing some FPS at a friend’s house. The guys would get together and have a blast, the pandemic for them had been a sort of godsend. No work, no studies, and all the time in the world to hang out with the guys. But things soon took a turn. Brian, the host of their gaming sessions was evicted. His landlord was going through the dark new era just as everyone else. They had nowhere else to have some kind of group event like this, and eventually they began to game online. But slowly and surely, they drifted; Gray returned to work and Chase moved back home to take care of his parents. This left Marc alone, where he now found himself, day in and day out living as something of a NEET.

He scrolled his timeline, riots, pedos, more riots, murder, the usual. The world had become a rather disheartening place. He sighed, what a wonderful world we live in don’t we? He resumed scrolling and came upon a half-finished N-spell thread. His hands jittered above the keys, he used to love these. Not worth the risk of getting banned, I’m already on my third account. He closed the feed and opened up Plants Vs. Zombies, glancing on his 79 hours of play time with disdain. He sighed again. The game booted up, he stared blankly, the lights of the game reflecting on his dead eyes. And just as it finished loading, he closed the game again.

“What to do? What to do?” he muttered. He pulled up YouTube again, and searched up “ASMR”. Hopefully I find a good one today… He scrolled, the search inquiry led to a growing list of women, probably twenty-ish, doing all manner of things. Mukbangs, make-up tutorials, cosplays, other gay crap, I hate this. He changed the search. “Anime ASMR”. Usually he could find something tolerable this way; for the most part, the YouTubers in this category weren’t guaranteed to have an OnlyFans. “[ASMR] Yandere Girl Kidnaps You But You [Personal Attention]”, maybe, “ASMR || Headpats from Your Wholesome Nurse [F4A], no, “[Anime ASMR, 18 +] Captain Levi helps you ‘Sleep’ [NSFW]” no wtf?! …hmm? A notification appeared in the top right-hand corner of the screen. As it happened DarkfallASMR uploaded a new video in the time he had been searching. “[ASMR] ‘You Are My Hero!’ Girlfriend Cheers You Up After Hard Day [Personal Attention] [Headpatting]”. He let out a squeal and grinned devilishly. I’m freaking cringe. He popped in a pair of earbuds and laid back in his chair. “Hey, are you okay?” Nope. “What happened?” I got screwed over, I ran the lottery of life and I got the worst prize, I- “I’m so sorry to hear that, is there anything I can do it make it better darling?” He sighed. Complaining in his head wasn’t go to make this any better. He tuned out his worries a little more and tried to focus on her voice. Such a soothing voice… “Even when it’s hard, remember that I believe in you! You’re my hero, you can save me and this world…”

*BANG* He sat up with a start. A cloud of smoke blew into his eyes, and he pushed himself out of his chair to escape. OW! He felt a sharp pain in his hand and held it up to see a cut in is hand and some blood coming from it. “What?” He looked down. Where once sat his gaming chair now sat rubble and rebar. He had awoken leaned up against a bombed-out building. “Huh?!” *BANG* He stumbled and fell over as more dust and smoke was thrown into the air nearby. He hadn’t noticed at first, but the sound of machinegun-fire ringed in the distance. I must have been deafened by that shell… wait, shell?! He understood what was happening now. He was on the battlefield. Figuring out his location was no longer a priority, survival was the only thought on his mind.

**********

He waited for some of the ringing to die down. He glanced around the exterior of the building. Nobody here, so I’m safe… for now. He entered the building and found what appeared to be stained glass laying in shattered fragments on the ground. Must’ve been a church. He picked up a book out of one of the pews. A Bible? But he couldn’t recognize the text. What language is that supposed to be? It was printed uniformly, but was still altogether foreign to Marc. He flipped through it a bit for something he could recognize. Nothing, not even a picture. He tossed it aside. It was at that point that something odd occurred to him. Wait, what am I doing here? It took him a moment to collect himself with all that had been going on outside, and he was now becoming disoriented. Then it hit him. Am I in another world? He picked up the Bible again, I have no idea what this language is and I don’t know how I got here… hmmm. He flipped through some pages again. I mean, that could explain where I am but not how I got here. He paused on what looked like the introductory page to the text. It bore a strange crest, similar to something he had seen before in an anime. Wait, maybe I was summoned? That happens a lot in Isekai, that would make sense… and then it clicked. The video! What was it again? “You are the Hero”? Did that have something to do with… does that mean that DarkfallASMR summon—no that’s retarded. He sat down in a pew and scratched his head. But maybe that’s a clue. He looked around the structure a little more. He found an annex with a kitchenette and pilfered a few knives. Not like this will do any good against a gun, he thought. He stepped back out into the main room. A bit of sunlight had begun to trickle in from the hole in the stained-glass windows. Even still, he couldn’t determine what time of day it was. But he could tell that the fighting had stopped. The roar of the shells grew distant and quieter, and the metallic sounds of the machine guns had stopped. Crap! He panicked. They must be getting closer. He peeked out the window, and saw shadows approach from the rear of the chapel. He quickly made his way out the front. He ran forward to escape his would-be pursuers and hid behind a torn-up section of street. The torn-up asphalt sat uprightly to create a sort of “natural” bulwark. He paused to catch his breath. I need to figure out if I have any powers that I can use to defend myself against these guys- *BANG* Another shell crashed off away to his right. Frick! That was close. “AHH!” cried a voice near where the shell had struck. The scream had caught him off-guard. Instinctively he rushed toward the cry and saw a girl collapsed on the broken street. This must be what I’m supposed to do! She was bleeding profusely, shrapnel had torn up both of her legs and she appeared to be incapable of walking. He heard voices behind him and picked up the pace. She must have been a soldier, since the girl was wearing some sort of uniform. “Stop!” he glanced behind him to see that the shadows from earlier were soldiers. They’re on me! He bounded forward toward the girl. I need to help her get away from them! It was then that the girl grinned. Wait. He stepped onto a loose section of gravel. His foot sank slightly into the rocks until it touched something made of metal. Shit.

[midoriyashotos]

Useless

Fandom: My Hero Academia | Boku No Hero Academia

Rating: General Audiences

Relationships: Kirishima Eijiro/Midoriya Izuku

Characters: Kirishima Eijiro, Midoriya Izuku; other characters are only mentioned

Summary: For the longest time, Eijiro hated his quirk. He believed he was boring, dull... useless. Now he strives to change that mindset, inspired not only by his childhood heroes but also by the boy with the brightest smile he’s ever seen.

Yet it shocks him when he sees his classmate having a break down in the middle of the night.

AO3 link

A/N: This is my first ever BNHA fic, so like... I have no fricking idea what I just wrote. I did take a few more looks before posting it, but I still apologize for any writing mistakes and if the characters are OOC. I hope you enjoy this!

For a long time, Eijiro had hated his quirk. From the moment he had injured himself, when he was no more than a three-year-old boy, to entering U.A., he had thought very little of himself. Weren’t it for Crimson Riot, one of the greatest heroes he’d known when he’d been younger, he was sure he wouldn’t be where he was then.

At certain moments, the word “useless” would be yelled inside of him. Yet his battles to reach his place in the world, like a tough man, managed to knock it down and motivate him, inspire him. He would become a hero, and he would become a man.

Even if the scar on his right eye reminded him of the uselessness.

His classmates were fun people to have around – he even had to say this about Bakugo, despite having not seen him like a good fellow at first. Eijiro admired his determination, his strength. He could say this about everyone in Class 1-A.

Yet another one of his classmates had drawn people’s attention. It turned out to be the boy with a horribly self-destructive and powerful quirk, but… he also had the brightest smile Eijiro had ever seen. His hair was messy and green, with round eyes matching it, and freckles painted his cheeks.

Midoriya Izuku was his name, and it was one that he wouldn’t forget.

Midoriya was manly in his own way. Not like Bakugo, but he was, above all, intellectual. Through his nonstop mumbling (that scared the hell out of everyone) he could deconstruct a stressful situation and come up with a logical plan. He would go out of his way to save someone in need, even if he was no longer able to stand up.

Midoriya was not like the others. Nobody was equal, Eijiro reminded; but he was nothing like he had expected. And Eijiro admired that.

He knew he had a long way to go. Everyone did, too, but Eijiro could feel he must work much, much harder.

He didn’t have this much of a great relationship with his own quirk. Failing the practical exams had proved this. Academic knowledge was important, but not as much as the other.

Willingly, he fought harder. He would fall, but he would always get back up, like Crimson Riot did. Like… Midoriya did. His classmate inspired everyone, from what he could tell. Eijiro was honored to have met him as well.

Whenever he felt down, he would remember Crimson Riot, his fights… and, adding to that, he would remember Midoriya’s smile, his supportive words, his optimism.

For a moment, Eijiro would forget the word “useless” even existed.

Things were over, for everyone’s relief; before more internships began posterior to the Provisional Hero License Exam. Eijiro couldn’t be more satisfied as he stared at his license. “Red Riot”, he would read with tears in his eyes.

It had not been an easy path. Bakugo had been kidnapped, distressing Eijiro and everyone else, but to the point of him – along with Midoriya, Iida, Todoroki and Yaoyorozu – rescuing his friend in secret, and almost getting in trouble. It had been worth it, of course; but then he had witnessed the fall of the Symbol of Peace, All Might, who could only show his true, skeletal form to the public now. Besides, the students had to move out of their homes to the dorms for their own sake, while having had to prepare themselves to acquire their provisional licenses.

Almost everyone in Class 1-A had gotten theirs, except Todoroki and Bakugo. The two were busier with the extra subjects and classes so they could apply for the exam again. Eijiro hadn’t seen them as often then. Apart from that, things were, from the looks of it, beginning to go back to normal. The red-haired boy was glad (and hopeful) that nothing else would be happening as fast. He would rather study like a regular High School student for the meantime. It was what everyone needed, before it was time for their internships.

It was night time and all these thoughts happened to keep him awake. Eijiro changed positions a lot, but it didn’t help much. He wasn’t much of staying up until that late, unless his friends came up with game nights or video marathons.

He couldn’t help… not believing he really was there. There, at U.A., with his own provisional license, not long after putting in his mind that he was never getting anywhere with a quirk like his.

Maybe it was too much, unnecessary to think about, but it wasn’t like he could stop.

Sighing, he faced the ceiling. No matter how much he tried, his eyes wouldn’t shut, and he wouldn’t fall asleep any sooner. Maybe he could drink or eat something to silence his thoughts, somehow. It wasn’t a bad idea.

Eijiro left his room and walked all the way to the elevator. The dim lighting from the outside was enough to guide him through the hall. He hoped he didn’t make too much noise since it was pretty late in the night. Soon enough he was in the common room, turning on the lights so he could get something. The night sky was starry, yet it was colder that day. He had his favorite hoodie then, of a darker red tone, much like many of his clothes.

In the kitchen he found coffee, tea… even milk. Before he could choose, though, he felt a frigid air entering the common room, causing him to shiver. He noticed that the front door was… was slightly open. Suspicious, he thought of a few possibilities: either someone had forgotten to close the door for whatever reason or they had gone outside. Or someone, like… a villain could have just gone inside.

The last option made him uneasy, but he tried to dismiss it. The entire point of going to the dorms was to avoid villain attacks. Yet after the incident at the USJ – which raised theories about a traitor inside the school – , he wasn’t so doubtful anymore; no matter how unlikely it was.

Eijiro, cautiously, went all the way to the door and opened it more. The first thing he was met with was the cold wind hitting his face. The second one was… was a short figure sitting by the stairs. Trembling.

… crying.

The mess of curls were what… gave Midoriya away.

Alarmed, he didn’t think twice before getting to his classmate; the weather was freezing that night and Midoriya had nothing to keep himself warm. He only wore one of those many baggy t-shirts he owned and dark shorts, no socks on his feet. And, of course, he was out there crying in the middle of the dawn.

“Dude- Midoriya,” Eijiro called him but not too loud as not to scare him. It didn’t help much, though, since the freckled boy jumped and let out a shaky gasp.

“K-Kirishima-kun? W-Why are you-?” Midoriya could barely finish the question without shaking and crying.

“Let’s get you out of here,” Eijiro took his hand to help him. “You’re freezing!”

Midoriya didn’t protest as he allowed him to finish the rescue. They were inside afterwards, but his friend wouldn’t stop shivering nor sobbing. Eijiro sort of wished Todoroki was up to help with his body temperature, but he was pretty sure nobody but the two of them was awake at that time.

Yet the red-eyed teenager, while he looked over Midoriya, remembered his hoodie and soon started to take it off.

“Here,” Eijiro said once he had it in his hand.

“W-Wait, a-aren’t you cold?”

“You need it way more than I do,” He put it on Midoriya before he could protest. Eijiro knew he would, the stubborn boy that he was.

The green-haired teen had tear marks on his face and he was pale. His eyes were red from all the crying. Weren’t it for the fact that Midoriya had been outside having a crying attack he wouldn’t have thought much of it; it was far from a secret that Midoriya was a crier. Something was definitely wrong that time.

Before he could get to the details, he needed to warm him, though. Taking him inside and the hoodie appeared to help, as he stopped shivering so much, and he was starting to calm down, but there was more he had to do.

“How about I get you some tea, huh?” Eijiro suggested. “How does that sound?”

Midoriya’s cheeks were beginning to show a shy red tone, which was a good sign. In the very back of his mind Eijiro thought he looked… adorable wearing his hoodie; it was bigger on him.

… no, he had to focus!

The freckled boy nodded in silence. Eijiro nodded as well, clearing his throat.

“Alright, j-just… take a seat and I’ll be right back, alright?” He said, wondering why he was stuttering suddenly. “It’ll be quick.”

“O-Okay, yeah,” Midoriya gulped, sitting on the big, green couch. As he shrank his body, he looked even cuter, if that was possible.

Tea was the priority, Eijiro reminded himself, tea, tea, tea.

“Which kind you like?” He asked, before heading back to the kitchen.

“A-Anything is good.”

“Alright, then,” Eijiro quickly went there and prepared everything as he knew.

It didn’t take long for him to return with two cups; yet he stopped in the way once he caught sight of Midoriya hugging himself and looking sorrowful. New tears were forming on his green eyes. Taking a deep breath, Eijiro headed forward and sat beside him.

“Careful,” He handed him one of the cups. “I hope it’s good enough, I don’t make tea that often…”

Midoriya took a sip after blowing it. He gave him a weak smile.

“It’s great,” He said. “T-Thanks.”

Eijiro could only smile back, except it didn’t last long since worry took the best of him. Midoriya looked so fragile…

“Dude, what were you doing out there? Did something happen?” Eijiro went straight to the point.

He noticed his friend stiffening his back. “No, no, i-it was… nothing.”

Midoriya refused to face him and only drank the tea in silence. The red-haired boy sighed. He scooted over to approach him. Midoriya immediately looked up, rather surprised.

“Listen, you… don’t need to tell me,” Eijiro assured. “But bottling up your feelings like that won’t do you much better.”

It led Midoriya to sigh as well, but he took time to reply, “It’s… c-complicated.”

“I’m all ears, if you want to.”

His friend dried the remaining tears that threatened to fall. It appeared that more would show up, though, so he gave up.

“I-I guess it’s… s-so much has happened and-,” Midoriya tried to explain. “A l-lot of stuff started getting the best of me, but I- I tried to avoid thinking about it because- because I have to catch up with everyone else, so I kept trying to work harder and harder, a-and-“

His words were more rushed and Eijiro tried to put a hand on his back. Yet Midoriya continued and started tearing up again.

“W-When I finally got to sleep, I… I had a nightmare – a really… b-bad one. I couldn’t save anyone, everyone was- gone because of me,” He sobbed. “I…”

He was then unable to say anything else, as he broke down in tears. Midoriya almost dropped his cup, weren’t it for Eijiro's fast reflexes. He placed both cups on the table in front of them.

“I-I’m sorry,” The other hiccupped, one of his hands covering his eyes. “It’s just… so much…”

Eijiro didn’t hesitate to hug him. “It’s okay, let it out.”

Midoriya grasped his shirt and buried his face on it, letting out painful sobs. The other hated to hear those sounds but he knew it was necessary, for as they had been stuck inside Midoriya for who knew how long. It sure had been hard to cope with everything that had happened to Class 1-A as a whole.

“Let it out,” Eijiro repeated, sensing some hesitance.

The sobs were progressively worse. They remained there while Eijiro looked around to see if anyone else was awake. That was not the case, but he knew that Midoriya would hate it if others found him like that.

As he witnessed his friend’s distress, he couldn’t help… feeling guilty. From what Midoriya had told him, he must have not had a good rest in a while. Eijiro somehow felt stupid for having not noticed before. He was broken like this in silence and could have gotten hurt if Eijiro hadn’t gone outside to check and nobody would have known. The thought made the red-eyed boy tighten his grip around Midoriya.

It took long for his green-haired friend to quiet down. He ceased his sobs at some point and he eventually stopped shaking. Eijiro could tell he was warmer, too. Midoriya soon pulled him away but not letting go, either. He looked like he was afraid of doing it. His eyes were much redder.

“I’m sorry,” He repeated. Eijiro sighed again.

“No need to apologize, dude. You’ve been through a lot.”

“B-But everyone else has, too! And t-they’re all moving on while I’m just- here, crying a-and being…”

“Everyone deals with that differently,” Eijiro said. “There’s no… right or wrong way of doing it.”

Midoriya was quiet after that, sniffing. Looking away, he reminded of the tea he had left and began drinking it again. Eijiro remembered to get his cup, too.

“But… w-what about you, Kirishima-kun?” The green-eyed teenager questioned. “Why are you up so late?”

Eijiro shrugged. “S… Sort of the same reasons as you, I guess. Been thinking a lot…”

Midoriya nodded, taking another sip. Fortunately, the tea wasn’t too cold, so they could both enjoy it in silence. His friend finished it before he did; Eijiro had somehow known that Midoriya enjoyed tea a lot; he could remember Uraraka mentioning it once, when some people had gone to a grocery store to buy some things to have in the dorm kitchen.

They were quiet for what it felt like forever. Eijiro understood if his friend had nothing else to add.

The two were sitting much closer than before. Eijiro could even bury his face on the other’s hair at that rate. Why was he acting so weird?

“Like… I’m so happy that I got my license and all,” Midoriya broke the silence. “B-But I… somehow, I don’t f-feel like I’m… I-I’m enough.”

The redhead felt like he was caught, once he realized that Midoriya spoke to him again. Luckily, the greenette hadn’t noticed, since he gazed at… somewhere else.

“And I feel stupid, y’know? B-Because I’ve… accomplished and… learnt so much,” He continued. “And yet, when I t-think too much about it, I… I just feel bad.”

Eijiro was silent as he listened. Midoriya didn’t look like crying anymore. It was like… he had emptied himself. He didn’t know if that was a good sign.

However, he froze when he felt the other boy leaning his head against his chest again. Midoriya let out a deep, long sigh.

“H… H-Have you ever felt this way?” He wondered. “Like you’re never enough? Like… despite everything, you’re just… useless?”

Useless.

That same damn word that would creep in Eijiro’s thoughts… they were haunting Midoriya, too?

Maybe that shouldn’t be so surprising. He had seen Midoriya think of himself as useless after Bakugo had been kidnapped by the League of Villains. But, from the sound of his friend’s words… it seemed as though it had been haunting him for much longer. The weight of “useless” in his voice only raised his suspicions.

He had seen Midoriya break before. But he hadn’t imagined it was… deeper than that. Eijiro could see it in his eyes. The tears were gone. There was nothing else left, other than disappointment at himself.

And… it hurt. It hurt so much to see the most radiant kid he’d met like this. How long had he been feeling that way? How had nobody seen this coming to Midoriya so strongly? How had he not seen this?

Eijiro shook his head. No, he couldn’t blame himself – he shouldn’t. He wasn’t useless, he wasn’t. And neither was Midoriya.

Swallowing tears of his own, he gave the broken boy a sad smile and nodded.

“I get how you feel,” Eijiro said. “And I know how much it sucks. But, Midoriya, you can never be useless.”

Midoriya raised his head more. Their faces were closer.

“Do you have any idea how much you’ve inspired everyone in this class?” Eijiro asked. “How much you’ve inspired me? You’re the smartest, bravest and manliest person this school knows. You’re just amazing.”

The surprise in the other’s eyes struck him. How come Midoriya wasn’t aware of the great person he was?

“But I get it, it’s… it’s not dumb of you to feel this way. Still, you should… try to tell yourself you’re enough, that you can do it,” Eijiro continued. “It’s probably going to be hard, but the more you think of it, it’s… it’s going to change.”

While saying those words, part of him couldn’t help feeling he was telling himself this, too. How ironic it was, to give advice to someone else who felt useless when he wasn’t even resolved with that issue just yet. Regardless, Eijiro did feel better about himself. Maybe not the way he wanted, but he had changed. He was… proud of getting where he was now, and he could admit this with a smile on his face. The questionings would come every now and then, asking if he even deserved it; right now, he could tell them right to their stupid faces that he did, he deserved to be there, and he would accomplish a lot more.

He hoped that Midoriya could feel the same way, too. Not right away, but one day, with his uplifting grin, he could tell himself he was enough – waymore than enough, he corrected.

“Do that every time you feel like that, okay?” Eijiro smiled. “But if you ever feel this overwhelmed again, you can always come to me. And I don’t even care if it’s in the middle of the night, you can wake me up and I won’t ever complain.”

Midoriya let out a small laugh. “T-Thanks, Kirishima-kun…”

“Anytime.”

While knowing he was feeling better, neither of them let each other go. Eijiro tried not to think too much about the fact that Midoriya was lying on him like this, holding him close… and he was warm, and his green hair touched the other’s squared chin.

Eijiro couldn’t refrain himself from ruffling those curls, though, but that didn’t seem to bother Midoriya. In fact, the boy… relaxed on him. He was heavier, then. It took a couple of minutes for him to yawn.

“Let’s get you back to bed,” The redhead smirked.

“Wha…? Okay…” Midoriya’s voice became sleepy.

He looked a lot better then, weren’t it for the tear marks. But at least his friend didn’t look so broken anymore. Eijiro was happy he had done something for him.

“Don’t… forget the cups,” Midoriya reminded.

“Oh! Right, I’ll leave them on the sink. Be right back!”

After leaving them at the kitchen, Eijiro made sure to help Midoriya stand up, putting one of his arms around him. Luckily the latter’s dorm was on the second floor, so it would be quick.

When they arrived there, Midoriya looked more… awake.

“Thanks,” He said.

“No problem, man. I think I’ll head back to my room, too,” Eijiro felt his eyelids getting a little… heavier. The tea was probably taking effect on him. He turned around and said, “G’night.”

“Night…”

A small part of him felt something was off about Midoriya’s voice, but he went for the elevator anyway. Yet, he quickly heard his friend protesting.

“W-Wait, Kirishima-kun!” He said, not too loud, though.

Eijiro rushed back to him again.

“What is it?” He asked.

Midoriya gulped and played with his own hands. Although it was dark, he could tell that his freckled cheeks were redder.

“I just- um, I don’t want to- I-“ He stumbled around in his words. It was… cute, seeing him flustered like that.

Before Eijiro could say something, Midoriya shut his eyes and braced himself.

“I don’t want to be alone, s-so… c-couldyoustaywithme?”

His words were too fast, but he was able to catch them. Eijiro was pretty sure his own cheeks heated up hearing that.

“Y… You mean… in your room?” He wanted to clear that up.

Midoriya hid his face in shame and began to walk away. “I-I know it’s dumb, n-nevermind that. Y-You should go back, I’ll just-!”

“No, no, it’s fine… I’ll stay.”

The green-eyed boy looked up in shock. Eijiro gulped.

“Uhh, really? You’re… o-okay with that?”

“As long as you are, I don’t… see a problem,” Eijiro laughed nervously.

Midoriya smiled and chuckled, while not looking at him directly in any way. Clearing his throat, he opened the door and made a gesture for him to come in. Eijiro snorted and went inside. Only an All Might-shaped lamp was turned on. Well, that was new. It was All Might all over his dormitory it was just entertaining.

“A-Are you really sure you’re okay? Y-You don’t have to do this,” Midoriya noticed he was gazing at the posters on the walls. “I k-know I’m being dumb, I-!”

“Midoriya,” The redhead held his scarred hand. “It’s okay.”

He had no idea how Midoriya’s face had turned a full tomato – or strawberry, thanks to his freckles that stood out in the redness.

“O-Okay. Yeah, okay. Sorry,” Midoriya said.

“It’s fine,” Eijiro reassured.

The two stopped in their tracks when they faced the bed. He had only then realized that they were going to sleep together. He could even sense Midoriya’s nervousness radiating from him.

“You first,” Eijiro said.

“A-Alright, then,” Midoriya lied down on the corner of the bed, getting the blanket so he could cover the other. The red-eyed boy was next.

They were too close like that. It was weird, but… not bad. He could see even more freckles on the other’s cheeks.

“Are you okay like this?” Midoriya asked. “I-It’s not cramped, right? I could sleep on the floor-!”

“Dude, chill. And I’m not making you nap on the floor. It’s your room.”

“I-I’m sorry… I just never… had anyone sleeping with me since I was young.”

“Me neither,” Eijiro chuckled sadly. “But believe me, it’s okay.”

Midoriya would have protested more but he shut his mouth. He let out a deep breath and finally relaxed on his bed. He looked at the redhead with his alluring green eyes… that were no longer empty like how he had seen earlier in the common room. It was a delight to see that.

His friend’s bed was comfortable, even though it wasn’t big enough for two people. Not that the dorms had been designed that way, though. He didn’t mind it. Midoriya’s room was warm and welcoming, maybe with the All Mights that smiled at them both; it was funny and somehow disturbing to imagine they were observing the boys so close like that. But Eijiro knew that All Might wanted nothing more than to protect others. He was Midoriya’s idol, after all. Eijiro might as well put one thing of Crimson Riot in his own room, he supposed.

He had then realized that Midoriya fell asleep once he shifted himself back to him. He slept so peacefully… Eijiro could only smile. He wished he could hug him close again.

Yet he faced the ceiling, at peace, too. He could tell himself that he wasn’t useless. They weren’t useless. They were enough, and they had always been. They were going to become great heroes.

And… if Midoriya wanted, they could be a great duo.

The next day was a Saturday so nobody was forced to wake up too early. Izuku opened his eyes and, for the first time in a while, he felt rested. He was okay.

But he felt another presence. He felt his head touching a soft, yet built surface, and calm breaths hitting his curly hair. He remembered that Kirishima was right beside him – and they- they had… cuddled?!

“Gah!” Izuku squeaked, jumping. “So c-close!”

It immediately alarmed his snoring classmate.

“Wha- what is it?” Kirishima asked, having been… drooling. Blinking his eyes, he appeared to remember he was in his room, too. “Oh. Hey, Midoriya. You okay?”

“Yeah! Y-Yeah…” Izuku tried not to sound too nervous; thankfully, Kirishima didn’t seem to notice.

“Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah, sure. And you?”

Kirishima nodded with a satisfied, relaxed smile on his face. He stretched his arms and let out a yawn. Izuku couldn’t help… staring, but quickly looked away.

“T… Thanks, Kirishima-kun,” Izuku said. “F-For staying with me.”

“Sure thing, man.”

Izuku’s smile widened. There were… a few seconds of silence between them. As if there was something hanging in the air, something they wanted to say to one another, but that wouldn’t come out.

“We should get ready for the day,” Izuku reminded. “At least I still want to train and all…”

“No, yeah, same. C’mon.”

As soon as they arrived at the common room, Kaminari, Sero and Ashido gasped and pointed at Izuku – who, having not even realized, had worn Kirishima’s favorite hoodie the entire night. Todoroki, Tokoyami and Jiro watched it with knowing smirks, while Katsuki rolled his eyes as if Izuku and Kirishima were dumb. Iida told everyone that there was nothing wrong with friends doing such things for one another, but nobody took him seriously. The green-eyed boy denied anything that implied whatever they assumed, unable to contain himself from blushing furiously. It wasn’t like that, he told himself, it wasn’t, and he knew it. Kirishima facepalmed and groaned, but he couldn’t hide his flustered smile from his friends. Ashido giggled and yelled that they were adorable.

Midoriya was so embarrassed he didn't realize that Eijiro looked at him – in the way that, if there was anyone adorable in that room, it had to be the former, who hadn’t even taken off the latter's hoodie.

Come to think of it… Eijiro did notice how good Midoriya looked in red.

[futurewriter2000]

Combatants ~ Part 3

A/N: Holly frick guys! You made me soooo happy with all the feedback and oh my god I am so happy you love it ...just *faints*. Anyways I finished this today because tomorrow I’ll really have to focus on school and stop procrastinating. I really hope you like this one, even though I prefer the first 2 parts over this one, but okay. Also part 4 won’t come out like this part. I need to write other requests and ships and ill be posting part 4 after i finish with ships and requests.

Warning: None, i think. Maybe my english.

Tags: @nadinissavage, @lexi-thechaosqueen, @grey-raven, @alohomagines, @bestillmystuckyheart, @maddyfitzhenry, @astrophileslytherin, @literally-anythin, @fashionlive15 , @drawtofeel, @alyxssabxnus, @paigeyisme

Part 1 Part 2 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

xx

Sirius looked up to Peter. “What do you mean you knew?” he asked, standing up from his bed.

“I knew where she was all the time. I found Jacks letter in the owlery and read it. “ said Peter calmly, walking over to his desk, opening the drawer and pulling out a bag of chips.

“What!?” raged Sirius, staring at Peter and watching him eat his chips.

“What did it say?” asked James curiously, standing up and walking next to Sirius. He felt him tense up, so he rather stepped in front of him just in case if he decides to do someting stupid.

“Something about how he misses her already in school and how she should should come back with Zoey. Something about she can come stay with him and that his dad is okay with it. You know...the usual.” answered Peter, sitting on his chair with his feet on the desk. 

“The usual? THE USUAL! YOU FOUND A LETTER AND YOU DIDN’T SHOW IT TO ME!! UNBELIAVABLE!!” fumed Sirius and started pacing around the room. He bent down on his bed and clenched the sheets in his fists. 

His best friend was watching him suffer all this time, knowing where she was, knowing everything.. He tried to calm down, he really did. Peter was different from James and Remus. He was more affected by words and he tried not to say something he’ll regret and drive Peter away just like he did with (y/n). 

But why couldn’t he calm down? He tried to take deep breaths in, which usually helped him. But there was a storm growing stronger inside of him and he just couldn’t calm down. He grabbed the the pillow and threw it to his night stand, breaking all the framed photos.

“Sirius calm down.” said Remus, walking over to  him and wrapping his arms  around Sirius’ shoulders.

“Calm down? CALM DOWN! WHAT DO YOU MEAN CALM DOWN. THIS RAT KNEW WHERE SHE WAS THIS WHOLE TIME AND HE DIDN’T CARE TO MENTION IT!” he continued to yell, trying to break from his grip. “ You don’t get it! You don’t understand. That stupid piece of shit knew! HE KNEW!!” 

“ Sirius, calm the fuck down!” barked James, snapping Sirius from his rage and calming him down. “ I know you’re furious at Peter right now, but yelling at him won’t get you nowhere. I’m angry at him too, okay. Her leaving was just as much as my fault as it was yours, so can you just calm the fuck down.”

Sirius calmed down and nodded at his brother. Remus carefully unwrapped his arms from Sirius and slowly backed away.

Lifting his hand to keep safe distance between Sirius and Peter, James turned to Peter and looked at his frightned eyes. “Peter do you have the letter at least?” 

“I wish. His owl attacked me and torn the letter apart.” he replied.

Everybody looked at Sirius, seeing his face getting angrier. He walked over to his nightstand, picked up his pillow and threw himself face-down on the bed. “UGGH!!” he groaned into the pillow.

---

Walking in the Potions class you had with the Slytherins, with Jack right beside you, you  suddenly stopped. Jack furrowed his eyebrows and looked at you worriedly. “What’s wrong?” 

You took a deep breath in, smelling the sweat and the mixed potion ingridients in the class. “Merlin have I missed this school and the smell of depression.” you smiled at him and walked  to your desk.

“You are unbelievable you know that.” smiled Jack, shaking his head and sitting next to you. “Seriously. You would think you would get used to the smell of sweat and pearl dust in here but it’s like fresh air doesn’t exist in here. Why don’t they just invent a spell for it.”

The both of you were laughing before Slytherins entered the room. One after another  walked in and finally your favorite Slytherin entered the room. He changed. His pace was quick, his posture upright and his black eyes set especially on the big bronze couldron, that sat on his desk. A sly smirk apperead on the corner of his  lips as he continued to stare at the ingridients, set in front of him.

You chuckled at the notice of his obssession and love for Potions. He always had a gift for this class. He always knew how to cut something appropriately, how much of the ingridients needed to be thrown into the potion or how much time it needs the potion to cool down. His eyes would get a tiny sparkle whenever he finished it, and you were the only one who noticed this so far.

You slowly sneaked around the table and walked behind him. “ I see you are already planning the wedding.” you whispered in his ear, making him jump from his seat and turn around. 

Shockingly, his eyes scanned you from head to toe. “(y/n)!?!”

“Are you going to stare at me or are you going to give me a hug?” you chuckled.

He looked  at his calssmates, who were staring at him and waiting for his reaction.“ It’s good to see you.” he said coldly, fixing his posture and turning his back at you. 

“Wow.” you scoffed and crossed your arms. “Aren’t you just a friend and a half.” you said glowering at him.

Here you were, hoping to get a happy reaction from him. Standing like a complete idiot, hoping he will turn around and give you a hug and tell you how much he has missed you. How much he has waited for you and tell you what has happened during this time you were gone. But he didn’t. He was just sitting right in front of you, showing you his back. 

“Fine. I guess we are strangers then.” you added before walking away.

What you didn’t know was, that behind all that poker face Severus was showing you, he was happy. Of course he was happy to see you well and alive. But during the time, where you werent’t around, a lot of things happened. Things changed. He didn’t have anyone to talk to anymore. He had noone. He wanted to give you the biggest hug. He wanted to let you know how much he has missed you and your angry outbursts. Your smile, your laugh, your funny dance moves, all of it. But he was part of something completly different now, something darker. He was a part of a group, which he was not proud of and he didn’t want to drag you along into the darkness with him.

---

After the class was over, the 6th years had Potions. You walked out of class with Jack, laughing to his blue painted face. “I told you two pinches of pearl dust not six.” you laughed.

“You said six and you know it. You just wanted to see what would happen if I put too much of it.” he laughed along.

It was true, you did tell him six, only to see what would happen.

And there he was. Black hair, grey-green eyes and a big smile on his face. Seeing you standing there, laughing and making fun of Jack he noticed how much he has missed you. “If it isn’t (y/n) (y/l/n). Our famous Firebreather.” he chuckled. 

You looked over to the source of his voice and a big smile appeared on your lips. “ If it isn’t the one and only, Regulus Black.” you chortled and walked over.

“Indeed it is.” he beamed and opened his arms.

You walked over and gave him a big hug. It wasn’t as big as Jack’s but it was definetly one of those hugs, where you just know he has missed you. His grip was tight, his head in your neck, breathing in your parfume and hands intertwined with your hair. After the two of you broke apart, Jack came over and smiled at Regulus. 

“Nice to see you Young Black.” Jack simpered and took Regulus’ hand.

“You two are friends?” you asked shockingly.

“Oh yeah. Best friends for life. Even have matching bracelets.” joked Regulus in a sarcastic tone.

“You can just say, an enemy of my enemy is my friend.” smiled Jack and mysteriously left the scene. 

What was that smile? you wondered. It felt like you saw it somewhere but couldn’t put it excatly where. 

---

Weeks have passed since you came back and the bruises were almost completly gone. The scar on your left eyebrow was still there though and will probably stay there. Honestly you didn’t want for it to disappear. It was some sort of reminder, not of the horrible things that have happened in your life, but it was a reminder of how strong you really are. You are not a weak person, you are far from that. 

As you were sitting with Jack you got the feeling like someone was watching you. Knowing who this someone is you looked over to him and saw him looking at you. 

What Jack told you about what happened to him after you left. How he couldn’t come to classes for 2 weeks or how everybody was always talking about him. Ugly stuff, that were cirling around the school and his reputation falling to the rock bottom. You felt terrible after hearing that, but most importatntly you felt guilty you made him go through all of that. Of course what Jack didn’t know was how Sirius felt through that time. Nobody ever knew, but you had a feeling you did. 

It was like all the staring at eachother, you felt like he was trying to speak to you without opening his mouth. You sent Sirius a light smile and waved with your hand. His eyes went wide and were completly shocked from your action. It was like he was staring at you, but didn’t know you were staring back. And now that you noticed him, he felt a bit embarassed. 

Jack, who was still babbling about something, noticed that you weren’t listening. He nudged you in the ribbs making your gaze break from Sirius. You looked over to Jack, who furrowed his eyebrows, expecting you to answer him. “I need to go. But I swear we’ll talk later.” you reasured him and left the table. 

At the Gryffindor table, the three Marauders were making fun of their fourth one. “Seriously Pads, the staring is way to obvious. It’s like you want to eye fuck her.” teased James.

“You really suck at making me feel better, you know that, right?.” retorded Sirius and glanced over to your seat again. But you weren’t there. He grabbed Remus by the arm and started panicking. “Wait where is she?! She was right there! See what you did!” 

“You should be thanking us. The staring was way too creepy. You couldn’t tell if you wanted to kill her or shag her.” said Remus and tried to free his arm out of Sirius’ grip.

“Or both.” added Peter, making everybody laugh. 

“Good one Wormy.” laughed James, without knowing you were standing right behind him. Everybody stopped laughing as soon as they saw you coming towards them, especially Sirius who had his eyes set on you this whole time. Every single one of them were sending James warning looks but James was just laughing. “I mean, you are Sirius Black, I think you can charm your way in and she’ll probably forgive you soon after the two of you had-”

“James!” hissed Remus, shutting him up and glancing up to you.

His smile immediatly dropped. “She’s right behind me, isn’t she?” he gulped, afraid to turn around.

“I’d rather shut up if I were you, Potter. You never know when my fist will find its way back to your face.” you grinned making the hair on the back of his neck stand up. 

“Shutting up now.” said James and putting a spoonful of carrot soup in his mouth.

You looked up to Sirius, hoping th two of you could talk in private. “Sirius...” you started glumly, struggling with the words.

What were you about to say? You hate him? How horrible he is? How he should appologise for the way he treated you. How he should go on his knees and beg for your forgivnes the minute you stepped into the Great Hall two weeks ago. These kind of thoughts were running around his head. “No.” he muttered to himself. “I can’t do this.” he said, gettting up and storming out of the Great Hall.

---

 “Lumos.” you whispered as you walked into the dark library. “I love this spell.” you smiled and continued to search the sections. You walked past the last section, missing the curled up body in the dark corner. You stopped and walked backwards, this time noticing him, sitting on the ground with his head on his knees. 

“How did you find me?” he said quetly, not moving his head from his knees.

“It’s where you go when you’re sad. “ you said quietly, approaching him slowly.  “You want to talk about it.” you continued and knelt down to him.

He lifted his head and let out a chuckle. He looked at you with tears in his eyes and a smile you couldn’t figure out yet. “ After everything I’ve done to you...here you are..” 

You sat on your knees and lifted his head gently. He looked away, not wanting to look you directly in your eyes. “Sirius. I know you are blaming yourself for what I did. It’s not your fault Sirius.” you said with a soft and quiet voice.

There was this sentence again. It’s not your fault. He keeps hearing it and he always has to say the same thing back. “It is my fault. It’s my fault you left. I told you to ... I told you to leave- I -I told you to go back there and- and you did. And you came back all bruised and hurt and I did that. Me!” 

You brushed the falling tears from his cheeks and forced him to look at you. “Sirius.” you smiled and cupped his cheeks. “It’s not your fault because it was my choice to leave. I’m just the biggest drama queen there is and I guess I over-reacted a bit. You didn’t force me to leave. It was my choice. A stupid one I know, but it was mine. I don’t want you to feel guilty for what I did.”

A light smile appeared on his lips and a big rock rolled off his chest.. “You over-reacted a bit?” he chuckled. 

“Oh shut up. You are even a bigger drama queen than me.” you smiled and let go of him.

He put his hand on your cheek and brushed his thumb against your scar. His eyes glanced at yours and his smile disappeared again. “But I’m the reason you have this.” 

“I swear to God if you say another word that this is your fault I’m going to drop you off the Ravenclaw tower.” you scolded and rolled your eyes. But as much as he tried to smile, you noticed the seriousness in his eyes. “If it makes you feel any better I got this bruise when I walked in a tree.” you said and showed him a tiny bruise on your right arm. “It really sucked.” you continued looking at it and making him laugh again.

How on earth could only YOU make him feel better? he thought to himself as he obsereved your every feature. That smile of yours that seemed to make him feel lighter and those eyes that made him calm down. You were the only person he would want to talk to right now, hell you were the only person he ever talked his biggest problems to. And you listened, making him feel better every single time. You were funny and smart. Your laugh was something special, he loved to hear that funny laugh of yours. Or your hair... your gorgeous (y/h/c) hair, which reflected the light coming from your wand. Merlin you were stunning.

“Hey.” your voice spoke mischiviously, breaking him from his thoughts. “How about we go to the kitchen. I think it’s time for that 2nd round. “ you smiled and took his hand.

You pulled him up and started dragging him behind you. “Oh you think you’ll win again huh?” he smiled, walking behind you. “Well I’ve been training andprepare to lose.” 

“Oh I might be a little bit rusty but that won’t stop me from beating your sorry arse.” you smiled and pulled him out of the library.

----

“I’m out!” yelled Jack, throwing the letter at his face. 

“Boy. You’re out when I tell you you’re out.” said Collin, crumbling the letter and throwing it in the fire. He stepped closer to Jack. 

“I can’t keep lying to her Collin. She’s my best friend.” cried Jack. 

‘Gray, my dear brother. We’re family and family sticks together. “ said Collin, putting his hand on the back of his neck and pulling him closer. “You, me and little Zoey. Don’t let her break us appart... not now.” he finished and gave his brother a hug. “Brothers.” 

“Brothers.”

If you want to make the ending more dramatic listen to this . Just a thought...because I’m a drama queen.

[somuchanemoia]

11 Questions

Hiya, everyone! I am finally back to posting on my blog more after the busy week and I am finally catching up on my tags! Woohoo! 

Thank you to the lovely @yuuricutesuki for tagging me! 

1. If you were given a one-minute ad-slot during the Super Bowl that you couldn’t sell, what would you fill it with?

Uhm...I’ve never actually thought about this before and it’s a good question. Hmm...probably a slideshow demonstrating the beautiful existence of our Lord and savior Viktor Nikiforov. I’d have Joey (@yuuris-piano)  do the music for it too. You know. Just a giant one-minute ad of Viktor Nikiforov’s face. 

2. what problem did you think was going to be common in ‘grown-up’ life as a kid? was it actually a problem or just a misconception?

For me, it was making friends as a grown-up. Like honestly, how does that happen? Like, I was the kid who hardly ever made friends until I was in high school and even then it was a struggle. I’m a sophomore in college and still haven’t made friends. Like I get that you do the same thing, but like I don’t like enough people in my lectures to actually talk to them. And I feel weird going out by myself so I just awkwardly sit and do homework and do dumb stuff by myself on friday night. So, I can say that it is still a problem?? I dunno. 

3. which fictional character would you want to be your sidekick?

Well...it depends on the mission. In real life, I feel like Yuuri would make an awesome person to have as a sidekick because he would get me really well and would just be chill with it. If I’m looking to get into trouble, I’d probably bring Lance McClain with me. If I was going anywhere where Fergalicious was playing, Chris is gonna be my sidekick. If I’m gonna go meet someone for the first time, I’m bringing Will Solace with me. 

Can like...all of my fictional favorites be my sidekicks because I need them all.

4. In your opinion, what will finally break the internet?

One of three things:

Footage of the Viktuuri wedding if we ever get it. ‘Nough said.

Klance being confirmed

J.K. Rowling writing another Harry Potter series because I really need a marauders prequel goddamnit!!!!

5. When was the last time you wished you could throw down a smoke bomb and disappear?

Everyday of my life...

Last time I saw my ex in public. I went to go get hair dye to do my hair and she apparently had started working there and we had that whole awkward “i’m gonna pretend I have no idea who the frick you are” thing going on on my side and the awkward flirting on her part. It was just one those moments when your like “oh please let the aliens beam me up now to save me from this monstrosity.”

6. what’s something you did ironically so many times that it just became a part of your personality?

Hmm...I dunno if this counts, but I sigh a lot. Sometimes I sigh without even realizing I’m sighing and now I’m just the one who automatically is sighing over everything. 

7. do you believe in ghosts? if yes, do you have a personal/favourite ghost story?

Hell yeah! I’m a big believer in the paranormal and I’m actually kind of sensitive to it, to say the least. 

So, I actually have a few personal experiences, but my most recent experience was a few months ago. I was out driving at night trying to get my 2-year-old brother to sleep since my mom wasn’t feeling well and since I live in a smaller town, the streets were mostly empty. I had driven downtown and was on my way driving back when I saw something dart off into the road. So I slowed down and was really paying attention since we didn’t have street lights on the road. It was a weird occurence since I was driving between two housing developments that were surrounded by high walls on either side of me so it’s not like there would be an animal that ran out into the middle of the street and it was after midnight and my town shuts down at 10. 

And then I saw someone standing in the middle of the road in all black. They had their arms spread and were waiting for me to hit them. I swerved as much as I could on the road as I slammed on the breaks, trying to avoid hitting the person and I felt the car hit something. I’ve been in a car accident before and I know what impact feels like and I swear that I hit something. 

I got the car to stop and I pulled over, because I was freaking the fuck out. My brother was asleep in the car and we were both okay, but I really thought I hit someone. Since I was by myself, I didn’t get out of the car, but I did call a friend’s dad (since my dad has epilispey and can’t drive) and he, his wife and my friend, and his brother drove the 30 seconds to where I was from their house.

There was nobody there. I didn’t hit anything. There was no damage to the car. There was no way anyone could have ran from the scene since the road was surrounded by walls that couldn’t have been climbed easily. 

None of us, have any idea of what happened.

8. when/if you talk to yourself (out loud or otherwise), do you use ‘we’, ‘I’, or ‘you’ to address yourself?

Usually it’s a combination of all three. It depends on the context. I tend to lean more towards ‘you’ or ‘I’ but I often use ‘we’ too. For isntance, when I’m psyching myself up, I tend to use ‘you’ or ‘we’ but I generally use ‘I’ when I am trying to get myself to focus. 

9. what’s your ultimate desert island book?

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ uhhhhhhhh....Island of the Blue Dolphins? I dunno. 

10. what’s something you do that’ll almost always lift your mood?

Putting on You Only Live Once and dancing. Nothing lifts your mood like the most motivational song ever. Forget Eye of th Tiger or It’s My Turn Now! You Only Live Once is so freaking positive and it makes me feel like I can get through anything. Believe it or not, when I’m in a really bad depression slump, it’s a song that helps get me moving even if it doesn’t stop the episode. 

Also, watching Adam Rippon skate because lets be honest he is goals for all of us. 

Or looking at pictures of my OTPs.

11. compliment yourself!

I’m so not good at complimenting myself, but I’ll try. 

Uhm...Sam, you have a not shitty taste in music. It’s not that bad. You have a few questionable tastes, but mostly it’s pretty awesome. 

I’m not gonna tag a lot of people because I’m catching up on tags, but I will be tagging: @endlesscloudsoftime, @callmeasses and @iwritebetterthanispeak as well as whoever else wants to do this. 

My 11 Questions for you:

1. Which fictional character would be the most borning to meet in real life?

2. What problem or situation did TV / movies make you think would be common, but when you grew up you found out it wasn’t? (i’m lowkey taking a jab at hsm because thanks Disney for making me think high school would be awesome)

3. What would be on the gag reel of your life?

4. What does “infinite” mean to you? 

5. If your life was a movie, what songs would be on the soundtrack?

6. What item would be your top choice to make into a horcrux?

7. Who would play you in a movie about your life?

8. Most relatable scene from any book/movie/anime/etc.?

9. If you were shrunk down and somehow got stuck in a blender, how would you get out?

10. Would you count manga as a piece of literature? Why or why not?

11. compliment yourself. (joey, you’re just to freaking good to at making up questions).

[nyfacurrent]

Event | Doctor’s Hours for Visual & Multidisciplinary Artists with Museum Curators and Professionals

This Monday, February 24 event will offer one-on-one individual consultations with art professionals.

Are you a visual or multidisciplinary artist in need of some career advice? New York Foundation for the Arts (NYFA) is pleased to announce its first Doctor’s Hours program in 2020. The February 24 event serves Visual and Multidisciplinary Artists (Drawing, Painting, Printmaking, Sculpture, Video, Film, Photography, New Media, Multidisciplinary, Performance Art, Socially-Engaged Practices, Folk, and Traditional Art) and is designed to provide artists with practical and professional advice from museum curators and arts professionals. Starting Monday, February 3 at 11:00 AM EST, you can register for 20-minute, one-on-one appointments with up to three arts professionals to ask questions and receive actionable tips for advancing your arts career.

Title: Doctor’s Hours for Visual and Multidisciplinary Artists with Museum Curators and Professionals Program Date and Time: Monday, February 24, 2020, 6:00 PM - 9:00 PM EST Location: The New York Foundation for the Arts, 20 Jay Street, Suite 740, Brooklyn NY, 11201 Cost: $38 per 20-minute appointment; three appointment limit per artist Register: This event is at capacity. Please fill out this form to add your name to the waitlist.

To make the most of your “Doctor’s Hours” appointment, read our Tips & FAQs. For questions, email learning@nyfa.org.

Can’t join us on February 24? You can book a one-on-one consultation with arts professionals, in-person or remotely, via NYFA Coaching.

*For all regular participants, please note that we have a new registration platform. Please read the instructions carefully before beginning your registration.

Consultants

Jeanette Bisschops, Curatorial Apprentice, New Museum Bisschops, a Dutch curator and writer who specializes in time-based media, recently joined New Museum as a curatorial apprentice. Bisschops is particularly interested in expanding and criticizing existing narratives and structures in the art world and working with lesser-known or new voices. She is based in New York and Amsterdam, and is currently working towards the 2021 New Museum Triennial with Margot Norton and Jamillah James and organizing the upcoming “Screen Series.” 

Bisschops formerly served as assistant curator for time-based media at Stedelijk Museum Amsterdam, where she was involved with the conservation, acquisition, and display of the museum’s time-based media collection. She assisted with the latest edition of the museum’s biannual Municipal Art Acquisitions, titled Freedom of Movement, and organized performances by Michele Rizzo and Rory Pilgrim. Her interest in new technologies culminated in two of her most recent exhibitions: Untouched Intimacies and ART FWRD: On Technology.

Rachel Federman, Associate Curator, Modern & Contemporary Drawings, The Morgan Library & Museum Federman's recent projects include By Any Means: Contemporary Drawings from the Morgan and Drawing the Curtain: Maurice Sendak’s Designs for Opera and Ballet (catalog). Before joining the Morgan, she was Assistant Curator of Painting and Sculpture at the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art, where she helped organize the retrospective Bruce Conner: It’s All True. She has published essays on Conner, Paul McCarthy, Allen Ruppersberg, and Andy Warhol, among others. She holds a PhD degree from the Institute of Fine Arts, New York University.

Larissa Harris, Curator, Queens Museum of Art Harris' exhibitions at Queens Museum include Red Lines Housing Crisis Learning Center, a project on home finance by artist and urban designer Damon Rich; The Curse of Bigness, which featured major works by Survival Research Laboratories, J. Morgan Puett, and Dexter Sinister, among others; the first U.S. solo presentation of Korean video and performance artist Sung Hwan Kim; 13 Most Wanted Men: Andy Warhol and the 1964 World's Fair (with Nicholas Chambers); and a 50-year survey of the work of Mierle Laderman Ukeles (with Patti Philips). Upcoming is a group exhibition titled After the Plaster Foundation and Ulrike Muller's first New York museum presentation, a new commission titled The Conference of the Animals (organized with Sophia Lucas), both opening April 5, 2020.

David Horowitz, Assistant Curator, Modern & Contemporary Drawings, Guggenheim Museum Since joining the Guggenheim’s curatorial department in 2015, Horowitz has contributed to a number of special exhibitions and supported the management of the museum’s permanent collection. He is the curator of Marking Time: Process in Minimal Abstraction (2019–20) and co-curator of R. H. Quaytman + ×, Chapter 34 (2018–19). Additionally, he worked closely on Hilma af Klint: Paintings for the Future (2018–19) and Agnes Martin (2016–17), as well as Guggenheim Collection: Brancusi (2017–20) and Guggenheim Collection: Early Modernism (2016–17). Horowitz also regularly assists in the continued care and stewardship of the permanent collection. While mostly focused on the postwar period, he has conducted research on works from all parts of the museum’s holdings. He holds a BA degree in English language and literature from the University of Maryland, College Park, and an interdisciplinary MLA degree from Johns Hopkins University. He is currently pursuing a MA degree in art history at Hunter College.

Kelly Long, Curatorial Assistant, Whitney Museum of American Art Long has supported such Whitney Museum exhibitions as Hélio Oiticica: To Organize Delirium and Jimmie Durham: At the Center of the World, and was a part of the curatorial team that organized Rachel Harrison Life Hack, the artist’s first full-scale survey exhibition. She is a member of the Whitney’s Equity and Inclusion Working Group, and helps to manage the museum’s Photography Acquisitions Committee.

Prior to moving to New York, Long achieved PhD Candidacy at the University of Rochester, where her research focused on the engagement of postmodern and contemporary art with housing, exploring notions of being and belonging, access, and ownership in the art of our time. Her published works include catalogue essays for Gail Thacker: Fugitive Moments (2019) and Chiharu Shiota: The Hand Lines (2014). She was an invited speaker at the Frick Collection and the Institute of Fine Arts’ Annual Symposium on the History of Art in 2015. Long holds a MA degree in Visual and Cultural Studies from the University of Rochester and a BA degree in Art History from Vassar College, with a minor in Women’s Studies.

Jocelyn Miller, Curatorial Associate and Editorial Manager, MoMA PS1 Miller has been a member of MoMA PS1's curatorial team since 2011. She is currently organizing the upcoming exhibition Julie Becker: I must create a Master Piece to pay the Rent, and recently organized Elena Lopez Riera: Those Who Desire (2019); Maria Lassnig: New York Films 1970-1980 and Body Armor (both 2018); Past Skin (2017); and Meriem Bennani: FLY (2016). She also organized Projects 106: Martine Syms at The Museum of Modern Art (2017). She has co-organized solo exhibitions with Titus Kaphar, Reza Abdoh, Naeem Mohaiemen, Ian Cheng, Mark Leckey, Cao Fei and Simon Denny, as well as career retrospectives of the artists Maria Lassnig and James Lee Byars, the latter both at MoMA PS1 and Museo Jumex, Mexico City. She also serves as Editorial Manager for MoMA PS1's curatorial department, overseeing museum publications, and served as Editor for the 2015 Greater New York “Readers series.” She received her BA degree in Comparative Literature from Princeton University.  

Ana Torok, Curatorial Assistant, Drawings and Prints, The Museum of Modern Art Torok is a curator and art historian based in New York City, specializing in postminimal and conceptual art of the 1960s and 1970s. She earned her MA degree in Art History from the Courtauld Institute of Art and her BA degree from Barnard College, Columbia University. Before joining The Museum of Modern Art, she worked in the curatorial departments of the Solomon R. Guggenheim Museum and the Whitney Museum of American Art, while organizing exhibitions independently.

Lauren Argentina Zelaya, Director of Public Programs, Brooklyn Museum Zelaya joined Brooklyn Museum as a Museum Education and Public Programs Fellow in 2012, becoming a full-time staff member in 2015. As Director of Public Programs, Zelaya curates and produces First Saturdays and other free and low-cost public programs that invite more than 150,000 visitors per year to engage with the museum’s special exhibitions and collections in new and unexpected ways. As a curator, advocate, and educator, Zelaya is committed to collaborating with emerging artists and honoring voices in our communities that are often marginalized, with a focus on film and performance, and creating programming for and with LGBTQ+ and immigrant communities. Most recently, she co-curated the exhibition Nobody Promised You Tomorrow: Art 50 Years After Stonewall. Other projects include “Feminist Film Night,” “Cuerpxs Radicales: Radical Bodies in Performance,” and “Black Queer Brooklyn on Film.” Previously, she worked in education at the Queens Museum and the Museum of the Moving Image, and with emerging artists in Queens as a program coordinator with the Queens Council on the Arts. Zelaya participated in the Tate Intensive (2019) and New York Foundation for the Arts’ Emerging Leaders Program (2018), and was named one of Brooklyn Magazine's "30 Under 30" in 2018.

This program is presented by NYFA Learning. Sign up here to receive NYFA News, a bi-weekly organizational email for upcoming awards, resources, and professional development. NYFA Learning also offers the monthly Con Edison Immigrant Artist Program (IAP) Newsletter if you are interested in opportunities, professional development, events, and tips and advice specific to immigrant artists.

Image: Doctor’s Hours, June 2019, Photo Credit: NYFA Learning

[cosmosogler]

hi.

last night my brother screamed at his computer until around 1:30 even though i went to bed at 12:45. i finally dozed off around 2.

when my alarm went off at 9 i was so tired from not sleeping and from comicon that i slept in for 45 minutes. my brother was already up and screaming at his computer by 9.

i took a shower... needed to get the glitter from yesterday off. i scrubbed a little bit before bed last night but dumping water on myself for 20 minutes helped more. mom made french toast. i got real sick after trying it.

i mostly bummed around watching youtube videos until 12:30 when i needed to start getting ready for therapy. i got to the facility on time and filled out the daily check in stuff and blah blah blah. i really didn’t want to go, but i wanted to interact with mom and dad less than that. dad already had some judgmental things to say as i was leaving. something about honoring our veterans.

i tried to avoid over-participating in therapy today but got kind of dog piled during my check in. i kept it focused on what i did and not how i felt. i think that kept everyone pretty distracted. the therapist commented that i had done up my nails and looked really good and it was good to see me taking care of myself. i said i only did it for the costume but she didn’t respond or look like she had heard me.

also i feel even worse than usual so i thought maybe it wouldn’t be a good idea to bring that up just to rain on their parade.

that sounds really, really stupid when i write it and look at what i just wrote.

but i didn’t want to be dour just for the sake of riling them up! i did that dumb thing where i would recount something bad that happened and laugh and then apparently immediately stop smiling. the therapist says i do that a lot. she said nobody else is laughing with me and i was thinking “just let me have this.”

sooo... we talked about boundaries today and co-dependence, which are important to talk about. more direct communication. how some people have rigid boundaries and some have porous, and in different situations, and how that can get out of control. i said i felt like i had porous boundaries and then the therapist was all “i see you as more of a rigid-boundaries person” and rated it 70/30. she asked if i had ever been open and honest with anyone which created a great launch pad for a list of people who snubbed me. 

i need to be more direct about what i need from therapy. but i really, REALLY don’t want to spend 3 hours complaining about people i don’t like. which seems to be necessary to explain why i don’t like people. 

i guess nobody knew that mom used to beat me when i was little because everyone got kind of quiet when i mentioned it when we were talking about physical boundaries. i forgot to mention that i had already called child services when i brought up she maybe hits my brother too... maybe wednesday. 

um... i refused to participate when we talked about sexual boundaries.

and i talked about how i don’t really feel anything when i do big favors for people. like when i drove leah to the hospital and stayed there with her all night. she never even thanked me. and... i mean, it’s hard to thank someone in that situation.

well, no it’s not... i didn’t have trouble thanking bradley or hogan when they drove me to and from the hospital back in january.

mm.

and thinking about everything i did for craig for literally nothing makes me too furious to think about anything else so i will try to avoid that road for now. maybe later.

now i’m getting angry about other stuff. i poured my heart and soul into my relationship with jim. i did everything i could to communicate clearly and be open and trust as best i could (maybe not incredible amounts of trust, but, enough to expect him to tell me when things weren’t working out any more). and he DITCHED ME WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i spent 12 years of my life being friends with that guy. do you know how much growing it took for me to start being able to have actual, like, friendship activities with him? how hard i worked to learn how to be a good friend and treat people better?

i’m not saying he owes me anything. but, like, a “this isn’t working, i’d like to stop talking for a while” would have been nice.

but no.

the therapist says i spend a lot of my time living in the past, and yeah... i have trouble letting go of my anger and frustration. i feel like if i don’t hold on to it and etch it into myself it won’t have been real. if i stop being angry everyone just gets relieved and smooths it over and goes back to their lives. “forgive and forget,” the christian school kids used to sneer at me after, like, spitting on me. that happened.

i can’t forgive or forget because that would be letting the bullies win. and i’m stubborn and hate when bad people get away with everything. that’s probably why i can’t let go of the craig stuff either. because i was a bad person, so i got what i deserved. and i have to remind myself of that every day, because that’s justice.

that and isn’t an aspect of ptsd, like, being stuck reliving the same events over and over even if you don’t want to any more? i mean, i get flashbacks. i don’t know if they’re real memories or not any more... but sometimes they come on and i literally cannot focus on anything that is happening in the present because i can feel what happened. the thoughts just kind of waltz in, ruin my day, and then leave, and then my day is ruined and i’m frustrated because it wasn’t real that time and i’m letting it ruin my day.

and, i feel like, if i don’t let it ruin my life, then that makes what happened ok, because it’s fine now!!! it doesn’t matter what happened, because it’s not happening any more!!! like the crime never happened, because the evidence is eroded out. but it did happen. and until someone who was there fricking acknowledges that it happened it needs to stay right where it is and FESTER until it smells so bad they have to recognize it.

does that make me feel better? no. but justice. i can’t sit back and say “well, karma will get him someday,” because that’s super vague and probably won’t actually happen because good things always happen to bad people. even hitler wasn’t brought to justice. he just killed himself. and his family. he never had to sit and look at what he did.

it feels wrong to move on unless something changes, or the event becomes real.

things i see/hear/whatever aren’t real. i can’t ever be sure if i’m experiencing reality or not. someone else has to tell me they’re seeing the same thing for me to be sure it really happened.

it’s not even that i have hallucinations or anything. it’s just... my sense of reality is so skewed from people being nasty to me that i cannot tell if my memories are real or not. and i know some of them aren’t, because that’s just how brains are wired. some of my earliest childhood memories, even the really sharp ones like the kicking and the beating and the screaming, have details that i’m sure just aren’t true. like what color the walls were. what time of year it was. what the floor was made out of. how big mom actually was compared to me. 

just like i can’t remember for sure if there were actually other people in the room or not with the craig stuff.

but if there weren’t other people there, then like half of my anger is totally fake. and that’s awful to think about.

and like... i could always just reaffirm to myself that everything i think is true. but not everything i think is true, that’s the nature of being alive and learning things and changing your understanding, and i can’t deliberately lie to myself. things aren’t ok.

and i feel like people who haven’t experienced that can’t understand how it feels. when someone else spends years ungluing your reality, you can’t really just stick it back on the wall. you can’t put your sense of reality back together without seeing the glue holding it there. and it’s so artificial that it’s just not the same as having real confidence. cracked mirrors still work, of course, but their functionality is irreparably changed. you become aware that you are looking in a mirror, and a damaged one at that. if you look in a regular mirror you just see your reflection. but with the cracked mirror, you see the glass that your reflection is coming from.

i don’t know how to reasonably convey this to my therapist during the span of a single check in... i don’t know how to say what i want to say, or what direction i would like to go in now, so i don’t bring up anything, and then i don’t get help, so i can’t figure out how to say what i want to say. cool.

should i just... print this out and hand it to her? that is alarmingly direct, and also risky, as i have to use dad’s computer to print everything. so the file will be on his computer unless i delete it and then suspiciously clear his printer history and also his recycle bin.

i mean, he’ll probably think it’s porn, but i don’t want him thinking that either!!!

and it could potentially take away from other group members’ time, because this is freakishly long already and i haven’t even gotten to my evening activities. i could give it to her during a break i guess.

after therapy i resolved to, well, resolve some of the communication issues i’m having with my family with the chores and the screaming. so i got a chore chart! and several different-colored markers for my family members to choose from. when i got home i explained it to mom. i think she is already not using it how i had hoped.

i also bought myself a chocolate mint mocha and too late i realized i had not specified that i wanted decaf. so i had the jitters for several hours after that. i tried to keep the explosion confined to asher’s chat window. i appreciate that he also sat through the mood crash afterward.

i saw the steven universe event. i have a soft spot for really mean, really insecure characters sometimes... i really want to talk to someone about it but i am Afraid of The Discourse. i have a lot of thoughts about pearl too but i don’t post them here because i don’t want... well, random people looking at my journal. even though it is public. i’m just not in a very good position right now to participate in huge discussions.

my favorites are of course the ones with the overblown egos. they are SO CONFIDENT. i wish i could believe in myself that much.

i gotta get up around 7:30 tomorrow to go get my hida scan. according to the google i can bring my ipod, thank god.

oh, that reminds me. i spent most of the morning talking to gilbert. we just chatted about whatever came up. harry potter, archie comments, the terrifying archie cartoon i saw when i was a wee babby. it scarred me for life. i was so scared of jughead, i swear to god.

(the humor/script was the real thing to be scared of. i watched an episode today. there ain’t nothing wrong with jughead.)

so i gotta try to sleep now. i’m gonna yell at my brother to shut the hell up when he plays league of legends so i can get some shuteye for once. i, of course, will then not be able to fall asleep anyway, because that’s just how it works.

i guess i should find a way to print that stuff i wrote out. there’s no way i’ll be able to say it in group. and i think i have gotten to some stuff that we might be able to work on instead of “angery” and “i hate everyone,” which are not things i can easily work with. 

oh, the therapist’s recommendation for what i should do to get close to people again was “make a new friend.” i started grinding my teeth.

i neglected to download all the cool music i found over the last few weeks... i will have to find something else to listen to during my hours on the scanning table. maybe i can mash a few soundtracks together on the way over to the imaging department. i need to tell dad i don’t actually know how to get to the hospital.

anyway, later. i hope you guys are having a better time than i am. that’s not setting the bar very high though.

oh, one more thing. i neglected to do any therapy homework over the weekend. my reasoning was, “if i am incapable of working hard in a way that will be helpful to me, then why waste my time.” i mean, i don’t have anything else to do, but it is less frustrating to talk about music theory with an acquaintance than it is to “phone in” yet another therapy work sheet. i worded it better when i was talking to asher... it’s too late to go into that now. i need to try to rest. i got individual therapy tomorrow and i need to make the most use of that ~45 minutes that i can.