#Needed to vent a lil I guess

[hifumi-gigolo]

. Vent??m

[ineffablefool]

gahhhh the last few weeks I have been starving for fics or art where Aziraphale is clearly, legitimately fat (with adoring attention paid to his physical features which are associated with said fatness) and also clearly, legitimately loved ("desired" would be okay but oh give me cherished, give me treasured and held dear and, again, adored)

and I know that this is one of those things where I should just be the change I want to see in the world, but the last few weeks I have also been [flops face-first onto bed and doesn't move for 45 minutes], so clearly that is not happening

[i-wiggle-i-squirm-bc-i-am-a-worm]

thank goodness she got the ladybug miraculous

[heckitall]

dude

today has sucked so bad

its like i couldnt get a handle on my emotions and between one blink and the next, the entire day was gone

and now i just feel wrung out and empty for no reason

>:c

[yourfavoritewerewolf]

always fun to remember some people hate me for no reason without knowing me and will never be interested in knowing me, only in feeling superior for hating me (and by fun i mean a punch to the gut)

it always hurts worse when its coming from someone i follow too

[arcaneyouth]

rapidly approaching my 21st birthday is hard and weird but not for any normal reasons thats for sure

[moonlit-orchid]

Normal people: vent about their feelings in a diary or blog post

Me: makes a whole ass zine at nearly midnight

[swordsonnet]

on the off chance anyone on here followed me for my jonmartin fake dating au, currently standing tragically unfinished at 7 out of 8 chapters: i'm still working on the last chapter! i would love to have it up this year, but unfortunately i can't make any promises, because i've started a new medication and the side effects are wreaking havoc on my mind and body. haha isn't chronic illness fun. but rest assured the fic is the beating heart under my floorboards, and i WILL finish it one day

[kuratm]

i don't rlly vent, mostly bc i dont want to bother my friends and mutuals w my irl problems, but man. i have to now bc today was not a good day.

so, we have an exhibition tomorrow at my college, some of my work was selected to be put up, and we had to come in earlier today and prep everything up bc why not make the students do all the fucking preparations for exhibition, right? well, my day started by me running around the whole city, printing out my stuff which was selected by our professor AND hurriedly write up an "artist statement", for some goddamn reason. that alr overwhelmed me enough but then, when i got to college (i was one goddamn hour late bc i was printing my stuff, btw), i realized that the prints WERE INVERTED, because I PUT THEM IN WRONG FUCKING COLOR MODE. that p much threw me in a panic attack :) my adhd kicked in, i was lost, confused and overwhelmed by all of this - didn't help that there were loud noises and ppl talking over each other - so much so that my friends insta noticed and were like 'oh shit, she's going thru a mental breakdown' :')

i was lucky enough that said college friends insta dropped everything and helped me put my stuff up bc i just, could not do it in the state i was in. that, and the professor...didnt seem to give a shit, but still...jesus fucking christ, this bitch was going through it. i felt bad later on, when i finally calmed down, that my friends had to p much do my work, but they told me not to worry abt it and just let them help me, which made me so grateful :') yall, if my homies weren't there, i would've ripped everything off and cry in a corner, p much

tldr; why do colleges love to destroy their students' mental state?

[enevera]

the world is unfathomably cruel and also unfathomably kind and both things are sad and beautiful and horrendously ugly all at once

[daydreamsandcrashingwaves]

You don’t know when exactly it started. You were young, about eighty pounds soaking wet-you’d say if asked-short and thin. Delicate they called you. Blonde hair and blue eyes that shine up at them. No one says anything but you can feel their expectations, they look at you and see a beautiful perfect little girl with manners to match. You grind your teeth and scoff at it. No one pays you any thought.

You’re mother had called for you. A dresser that came up to your chest was drug out onto the deck, an unshift-able weight. You look at it with childhood annoyance, you know what is coming. She calls for a favor more frequently and dread starts trickling through the cracks.

When did it start? Before or after the divorce? Before or after. You think to yourself, it was always so. As soon as you were capable your role was decided. Tools and wood knew your hands and your body knew their weight. You had been eager to learn-be helpful at first.

When did it start? The insistence. The goading. You want to ask who she sees when she looks at you. She does not pity your sore muscles, your excuses. You tell yourself you must be strong. For her. You swallow your words. The dread grows.

When did it start? Was it an accident that happened one day? Or is this a consequence of doing what was asked of you? You do not know. It has always been.

These favors creep up on you like the tide and she drowns you in guilt before you can save yourself. You wonder if she will ever stop asking for help. You are tired and frustrated every time she comes to you. You now look for ways to avoid her gaze and it’s new. It’s scary. It’s liberating.

You are not responsible for what you do not have knowledge of, you reason. She cannot blame you. you did. not. know. She starts asking sooner. The chess game continues.

As you grow, realities become horribly clear. You cannot process the scene in front of you. You will not. Some of it you do not have the experience to manage, some of it you cannot believe is true. You shout at your instincts to quiet. It is not hard. You have been ignoring much more tenacious warnings, what is one more?

She loves you, you know she does, she says she does. You believe her.

More ‘favors’. You cannot turn her away. You bury you’re head. You must bide your time. You dig yourself deeper until the dirt plumes in displeasure as you grind the grit into your eyes. You wish to be blind to the patterns. You wish to be deaf to the sounds. If only your hands could keep their grip on the bucking beast just a moment longe-if only. Perhaps you could. Just. Be.

You are told to go and you do. You drift for the first time on your own. She will not bother to come find you here. (Sometimes as you lie in the dark you wish she would come surprise you for an afternoon, or insist on taking you to dinner because she misses the sound of your voice.)

It feels like coming up for air and it is foreign to you. Everything is. You reach out to touch the person in front of you and startle. In you’re self preservation you have forgotten yourself. When did it start?

You’re a little girl in the sun, on the deck, shifting under your mothers infrequent gaze. She’s here. For a moment. Your emotions are bursting, you bounce with pride and the desperation to prove yourself, so you do as asked. You help her and are convinced you are her only option. Your body futilely tries to mirror her much larger one. You both grip stained wood.

When did it start?

[wp100]

i keep waking up at 2am and then falling asleep and then waking up like 50 mins before my alarm (4:35am, really early i know but i take a while to get ready and prepare myself for work mentally lmao)

also been having a lot of bad dreams lately. idk what that means. must be my mental health taking a nosedive lately

[vitiateoriginator]

Been getting into the band Motionless in White recently. Currently fixating on this song (I am unwell)

[queercatboyrights]

Hazel: *whining and barking like she needs to go out to pee*

Me: Puppy need to go outside?

Mom: No no!! she's just playing don't take her outside

Hazel, barely a minute later: *pees all over the floor*

Mom: Oh my god!! I can't believe you just let your dog pee in the house!! Why didn't you take her outside right away?!

Me: >:/

[callunascars]

.

[chisatowo]

Ok nvm having Mizuki Thoughts