#Now it's two guys being gay.. and the literal civil fucking war.

[captainsweet]

I'm confused how me writing some request somehow ended up with most of the cast being dictators, a literal war happening, literal slavery and tons of racism, and so many other sucky things. But then again, they did request it to be Steven Universe based, so... What else do you expect.

[handsomeamoeba]

here’s an ask: i know nothing about dragon age outside of what i glean from the context of your posts and what i know from the two friends i have who religiously cosplay two gay dudes from it (Iron Bull and Dorian I think? i am assuming this is the same dragon age but again i know nothing about this except what i have jigsawed for myself). here’s the thing though. i don’t want to actually understand dragon age or be told the plot, i just want to know how you would explain it to me if you were only giving me the most unhinged, no-questions-asked, speed summary possible. preferably raising more questions than it answers.

Okay here's a rundown of all three games from start to finish:

there's an ambiguously possibly undead horde threatening the safety of the world. the common myth is that they're like that because god hates them. only one group of people knows how to kill them, they're an ancient noble apolitical paramilitary society. the cartoon supervillain of this game lets the undead horde win a battle so he can become king despite the fact that his of-age daughter was already the queen consort. anyway, the last survivors of that battle gotta run around convincing a bunch of people to fight alongside them while the cartoon supervillain tries to have you killed. you solve a bunch of political disputes you have absolutely no business resolving because nobody's pressed about the advancing *possibly* undead army until their personal shit is resolved because by sheer coincidence at the exact moment you need political support nobody has their shit together. in the end you kill a big fuckoff dragon who is also possibly undead who is also a god depending on who you ask, and then you either die or you don't die because you fucked a witch or convinced your ally to fuck a witch.

at the same time this is happening, a family flees the advancing undead horde and goes to a city state across the sea founded on slavery that has absolutely no decorum whatsoever about just... not being shy about that past. for some ungodly reason they think this city is the key to a happy fresh start. psych! cue one guy (or gal) having just the worst 6-7 years of their life surrounded by a group of the most dysfunctional bisexuals (and one heterosexual you have to spend $7 extra dollars on) you have ever met in your life. you make frequent trips to the brothel. often to solve murders. no less than two of your friends literally live at the bar. despite being just a wreck of a person who keeps the shiftiest company people keep coming to you for sociopolitical advice until oops! one of your friends starts a fucking war.

a war which you basically resolve in the first act of the next game. you are now some poor unlucky fuck who was in the wrong place at the wrong time and now everybody thinks god sent you to save them, despite the fact that 3 out of 4 of your protagonist options comes from a culture that traditionally does not believe in that god at all. you are given very little room to voice the discrepancy of this. anyway, as the chosen of a god who may or may not exist you are pitted against a new cartoon supervillain, and this guy is one of the guys who caused god to hate the possibly undead horde in the first place, MAYBE. he says that god isn't real but also who fucking knows. you have to run around using the fucking hole in spacetime he ripped open in your hand to close holes in spacetime everywhere else. you also have to fucking... end the French civil war, save the aforementioned apolitical military force from themselves... and then the real villain was the friends we made along the way.

and also, for a game called dragon age, in 2/3 of the games, the dragons are completely optional.

[oviids]

pls share some of your spn fic recs 🥺🥺

ok, a few things first:

followers and mutuals who do not have supernatural brainworms, kindly avert your eyes

i don’t normally rec or even read much fanfic any more but this is a CRISIS ok (cont.)

there is so. much. content for deancas out there and i have incredibly high standards, several ancient ao3 bookmarks, can speedread, and want to spare you guys the experience of wading through it all.

i also have a section for spn femslash since I was pretty into that back in the day (sadly a lot less fan content for this :/)

I don’t really like au’s or pure smut (I honestly usually just skim or skip those scenes) so if you’re mainly looking for that kind of thing this probably won’t be very helpful to you. jsyk.

i’m not great at describing stuff but i’ll do my best, i’ll also try and add tw’s when neccesary.

i wil try and keep updating this with any other decent fics i find, feel free to rec stuff too since i’m like 7 years behind.(edit 1/25/21) this is getting looooong so i’m going to start making another list on my spn blog rather than update this one

(edit 1/3/21) since this has gotten pretty long i’ve added rating/approximate word counts and marked my particular favorites with an asterisk.

Dean/Cas fic:

So Says The Sword*** - explicit/85k. FUCK its good...au/time travel where dean is not pulled out of hell by cas and says yes to becoming the michael sword. honestly could serve as an alternative to actually watching the show, if you want to get into dean/cas without actually doing that to yourself.

Fata morgana.*  - teen/6k, pst s9 finale. very bela centric and i love it, she finds cas looking for dean in hell.

Redemption Road -misc/600+k. an incredibly long fic from a collaborative writing group back in the day. canon divergent from the end of s6 on, has a cool take on godstiel and the leviathans, as well as the lovecratian mythos connection. ngl when i reread it i only made it about 28% in but imo the casual reader can actually stop around there, the rest concerns a lovecraftian apocalypse that is still good (i think i don’t remember it very well) but not required to enjoy the first half. if you prefer i have an ebook version i can send you on gdrive.

Someone Who's Feeling For Me* - mature/45k, s12. they run into lisa braeden and dean thinks cas is into her while cas thinks dean still likes her. treats lisa way better than the show ever did and the miscommunication is pretty funny rather than annoying.

a turn of the earth - mature/95k. time travel fic where cas from s10 keeps showing up in deans life from a few years before s1 to right before the hellhounds take his soul.  slow burn, good character study, and at one point cas punches the dad in the face and it rules.

On the Wings of War - teen/85k, canon divergent s5. dean accidentally becomes the Horseman of War. plays fun, fast and loose with biblical lore, michael has some rights.

Named - mature/95k, alternate s5. EXTREMELY blasphemous in a fun sexy way. manages to predict metatron almost to a T. there’s one major character death and its literally jesus christ, everyone is very sad about it and it sets the rest of the story rolling. an alternate interpretation of cas’ mission to raise dean from hell which had me on the floor. ngl its kind of misogynistic at points, but its from 2010 and tracks with late oughts-2010 spn (sorry anna the author did you dirty here:/).

The Girlfriend Experience - explicit/15k. uhhh i don’t normally rec or even read smutty stuff unless someone i know is specifically asking for it but this has stuff like sam trying to be a good ally and dean thinking holding hands with cas is ‘kinda gay :/’ minutes after having gay sex with him.

i crippled your heart a hundred times - explicit/19k, s8. cas confesses his feelings and dean spends a long time getting his head out of his ass about it. truly hits different after the actual confession, despite being written six years early it feels like its actually what could have gone down more or less if the writers weren’t talentless demons who hate us.

My Roots Take Flight** - mature/125k. reverse au where cas is a hunter and dean’s an angel...OR IS IT???? an alternate retelling of s4. tw for briefly being set in a psychiatric hospital/the hospital being mentioned somewhat frequently throughout the fic, plus more references to torture in hell and heaven than usual.

The One Thing You Can't Lose* - teen/4k.you know those posts about how cas is a super-strong super-tough ancient warrior but he just lets dean tug him around because he likes it? thats it thats the fic.

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built - teen/14k, post s8′s ‘goodbye stranger.’ cas is on the run with the angel tablet but keeps in touch with sam and dean by text, he and dean still manage to be terrible at Actual communication.

Autrement, Danger - or, The Account of an Exceedingly Long Day - mature/30k, post s11. a monster that takes the appearance of your soulmate leads to some wild miscommunications and dealing with years of repression, also dean gets to see cas’ true form which is always cool. tw for non-graphic mentions of underage sexual assault/sex work.

Down to Agincourt - mature/explicit/900++++k, endverse continuation. endverse!cas survives his encounter with lucifer and discovers another time-displaced dean from s7. i’ve only read the two of four parts but its really good, veeeeery slow burn, has a lot of fun oc’s and takes a rather surprising but (imo) entertaining and intriguing turn into Hellenic history and mythology. usual tw’s for endverse/endverse!cas but nothing graphic, it’s actually pretty light-hearted (relatively speaking of course).

Nothing Equals the Splendor** - explicit/8k, THEE finale fix it fic you’ve been waiting for! posits that the entire final episode was just a (very bad and lame) djinn’s vision.

like moses and batman and james dean - explicit/31k, post s8. explores dean’s trauma and internalized homophoba from his technically canon experience with sex work and its impact on his relationship with cas. the sex work itself isn’t really shown in any detail but it’s still a relatively heavy fic.

Crazy Diamonds - explicit/25k, s4/alternate s14. fresh-out-of-hell dean and dean from 10 years in the future are displaced from time and sent to each other’s present.

where the weeds take root - explicit/30k. au where the men of letters kick them out of the bunker and they accidentally move out into the country, get over their codependence and semi retire. featuring chicken coop building, sam volunteering at a dog shelter, gardening, and blissfully mundane domesticity.

No Resting Place - teen/6k. djinn dream fic, switches back and forth between cas’ dream of being married to dean and retired from hunting to the aftermath when he wakes up. tw for brief mention of suicide since, y’know, djinn dream.

any port in a storm - mature/52k. post s8 finale. cas and dean have to pose as a couple going through a rough patch for a case and actually deal with their emotional baggage, cas struggles with being human and metatron is up to stuff.

all this and heaven too* - explicit/7k. in the author’s own words ‘...a love letter to every trans person who ever projected onto Dean Winchester.’ absolutely unzipped me emotionally and theologically, its just. so good. tw for very brief mentions of internalized transphobia/dysphoria.

Because it is* - mature/6k, finale fix it. killing chuck does not bring back anyone back and the winchesters spend a very long time dealing with what they’ve lost, cas and dean SOMEHOW still manage to have signifigant communication issues even after the confession. tw for suicidal thoughts/brief attempt.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit* - teen/4k, s6. when cas fell for dean it automatically soulbonded/angel married them, shenanigans ensue when dean finds out during the angel’s civil war. funny and actually written back when s6 was airing so cas is still (or at least pretending to be) kind of an OP asshole which is fun.

Rinse, Repeat - teen/3k, s8. angsty character study of cas as he’s reprogrammed and trained to kill dean. not really dean/cas since its just cas’ pov of canon events but its beautifully written and ends with him snapping out of it through the power of love (also now a canon event!).

Emergence - explicit/59k, canon divergent after s11. dean meets a hunter he only recognizes as their friend claire novak’s missing father, but soon realizes he might be the answer behind the mysterious void in his memories and feelings (aka everyone’s memories of cas are completely wiped away for three years).

Cuckoo And Nest - explicit/10k, early established relationship/character study, cas tries to figure out how he fits into dean’s life and space in the bunker.

Build a Home* - teen/20k, canon divergent s12. sam and eileen are cute and turn the bunker into men of letters/hunters hq and everyone but cas moves in, mutual miscommunication issues and pining ensues.

Down in the River - teen/5k, early s8, cas prays to dean in purgatory while sam and dean try to figure out a way to get him out.

Teaching Poetry to Fish* - mature/52k, ?? BC through the entire series/canon divergent s14 and 15. retelling of crucial scenes throughout the shows timeline from cas’ pov, feat. actual fish and poetry.

the minor fall, the major lift - gen/4k, post confession/finale fixit. dean goes into the empty to save cas and runs into several old friends (and enemies).

With the Kisses of His Mouth* - teen/3k, gen later seasons. dean and cas keep kissing by accident.

Remaining Grace - explicit/109k, alternate s6. au where cas asks dean for help with raphael and dean, of course, does. tw for temporary major character death/semi-graphic depictions of alcohol withdrawal.

The face of heaven.* - teen/10k, au, dean is a regular guy and cas is a fallen star (think ‘stardust’, kinda).

Stories Are Made of Mistakes*  - teen/5k. newly human cas has trouble getting used to a human body and humanity in general, but still figures out that he and dean are A Thing before dean does.

Hurry Up And Wait - mature/21k, canon divergent s12. a fairyland and quite possibly LOTR related case comes up and dean goes full fanboy, mary is introduced to the wonders of the peter jackson adaptions, many references and comparisons (including between cas and dean’s ‘friendship’ and arwen/aragon). also charle is still alive and has just been doing fairy stuff this whole time.

There Are Many Things - explicit/28k, s9. cas is extremely lonely/touch-starved and trying to figure out this whole human thing, as well as where he and dean stand after being kicked out of the bunker.

It's A Long Life to Always Be Longing - teen/40k, post s11 finale. amara helps dean by putting him in a magical coma so he can finally get some much needed rest and show him possible futures for him, sam and cas. meanwhile sam and cas go on a roadtrip (or several) to find componets for a spell to wake dean up. really good sam and cas friendship, they actually talk about their shared lucifer trauma and stuff.

Non-Photo Blue - gen/2k, s4/5/alternate s5. fifty moments from cas’ memories of dean.

Tall Grass - explicit/57k, canon divergent post series. cas becomes the ultimate plant dad. feat the wayward sisters gang, cathartic character growth, fun oc’s, domesticity, and lots of actual botanical info-dumping.

on vessels - no rating/gen/2k. established dean/cas, cas tells dean about how he used to imagine what it would be like to have him as his vessel.

search for tomorrow on every shore* - teen/11k, post-finale (extremely derogatory). some angels in jack’s new heaven act out and dean gets temporarily resurrected in 2003 and runs into his younger self.

Architecture of the Minotaur’s Heart - explicit/45k, very canon divergent post s1. dean’s new house seems to have a life and mind of its own, while in his dreams he sees glimpses of a world and apocalypse that never came to be and an angel that looks strangely like his mysterious neighbor, cas. loosely inspired by the book house of leaves (which i highly recommend for fans of weird horror).

The Distance Of The Setting Sun - explicit/17k, post s5. established dean/cas relationship, team free will finally takes advantage of cas’ abilities to go on vacation around the world.

diamond star halo - teen/5k, s11. dean lets cas use him as a temporary vessel while he recovers from rowena’s spell, sam is a long-suffering third-wheel.

Make Known** - teen/16k, s6/7. dean struggles to understand how cas could have become his enemy and whether he ever truly knew him in the first place.

blunt little instrument* - mature/1.4k, post finale. dean finally confronts his father in heaven, very cathartic.

my heart a compass*** - teen/10k, post confession. the empty forces cas to re-experience his most regretted moments while dean tries to snap him out of it and bring him home.

A Crash Course in Someone Else's History - teen/11k, s6. cas from the very start of s4 is brought forward in time by s6!cas to distract the brothers from his and crowley’s plans.

The Cuckoo Father - mature/8k, s7 au. the woman who found cas in the river post-leviathans does not marry him bc he was sent to her by god or whatever, but actually identifies him as jimmy novak and sends him back to claire and amelia.

The Dead Dean Clause* - teen/5k, post alt s5 ending. team free will celebrates surviving taking down lucifer by getting blitzed, cas lies to a cop and gets an impromptu driving lesson. title/description sound dark i know but it’s actually very funny and light.

Suck It, Judy Garland - mature/20k, s12 (after the ‘i love you...i love all of you’ episode). cas and sam have to pretend to be a couple for a case and dean is NOT happy about it.

By Daylight and In Dream - teen/16k, s5. pre-dean/cas, dean invites cas to use his dreams to hide from the other angels. tw for very brief mention of a memory/dream of alastair sexually assaulting dean.

The Five People You Meet in Heaven - mature/22k, post-canon. an actually happy (if sometimes bittersweet) heaven endgame written several years ago, though some details are rather eerily similar to the show’s ending.

heaven is a place on earth* - teen/2k. dean’s pov of some of the times cas left him behind throughout the show, and one alternate ending where he finally gets to stay.

I Cleanse The Mirror - teen/20k, alternate s6. dean’s body is stolen by an ancient elemental and his soul has to hitch a ride in cas’ vessel.

an exploration of gender; angelic*** - mature/4k. *oscar isaac voice* lets get into angel gender politics!! aka cas is trans.

Zenith - explicit/33k, s9. after 9x06 an angry witch curses cas with the ability to see supernatural beings and human souls.

La cucina. - gen/3k, alt s9. dean goes wild helping a newly-human cas find out what kinds of food he likes, or the early s9 domesticity we deserved!

Dean Winchester, Cocksucker at Rest***** - teen/7k, post-finale. john and mary finally come over for dinner and john reacts to dean/cas in a rather predictable fashion. SOOOOOOOOO good omg, its so funny and a little sad and very very cathartic. part of a series that has a few other really good short fics.

The Way You Didn't Go - teen/5k, s15. coda to 15.09, dean has nightmares about the moc!cas timeline.

On Drowning - teen/28k. dean saves cas after he nearly drowns, they both try and deal with the physical/mental fallout (aka the fic where thee iconic “you only touch me when you think I’m dead or dying” originates). tw for realistic depictions of drowning/triage/misc medical information.

The Thirty-Six Questions That Lead to Love* - mature/13k. claire has dean and cas pretend to be her gay dads for a case and they play the titular 36 question game, get mistaken for swingers, and birdwatch, among other things.

Assorted F/F stuff:

Deep Breaths* - mary/ellen, au where mary said no to azazel’s deal and let john stay dead, still becomes a milf.

Like Rebel Diamonds - krissy/claire, they become hunter gf’s on the hunt for cas to kick his ass for taking jimmy. not-so-stealth dean/cas as well.

To Ash and Bone - anna/ruby, same author as the previous fic (p much all of her stuff is good from what i recall). au where ruby is a witch and helps anna when she’s cursed.

Holy Clockwork Angels - jo/ruby, STEAMPUNK au with very cool worldbuiilding.

At Day's End - jo/anna (my fucking KINGDOM for more jo/anna content, the dean/cas parallels are allllll there), au where they are both at the camp in the endverse and gfs.

these posts - ok so not actually a fic but i’m now obsessed with this hannah/meg dynamic.

Tagelied - mary/ellen, the true story of how ellen got into hunting before angels interfered.

Hell's Bells** - meg/abaddon, alternate s8/9 where meg survives crowley’s attack with sam’s help and teams up with abaddon (who she has a sk year old crush on) to take back hell.

The Ecstasy of the Rose - anna/ruby, anna travels back in time to escape heaven and becomes a signifigant part of ruby’s old human life.

Angel Underground - anna/jo, kind of an urban fantasy au with a very intriguing premise (sadly its very short, i’d love to see more if this ‘verse).

Clover, Flame - billie/mary, billie was always the reaper that showed up to take mary after her death(s) over the years.

Drag Me To Heaven - anna/ruby, a variant on the ‘last night on earth’ thing with dean.

Come Home* - jo/anna, canon-divergent au where anna is the new waitress at the roadhouse and helps jo set up a (probably not really) haunted house for halloween.

[celestialholz]

Q thoughts (head empty)

Okay, first of all: MY FAVOURITE CHARACTER EVER IN ALL OF FICTION IS BACK AFTER THIRTY YEARS, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *clears throat*

Ahem. But yeah, let’s break this trailer and interview down with some Celestial thoughts!

Things I am excited for:

- Modern Q, obviously. Here is a character who we’ve experienced in brief bursts as antagonistic but benevolent; amusing but sombre; enigmatic yet becoming more and more human-like with every appearance. The continuation of that potential is scintillating - we could be presented with a Q on a specific mission, one that’s here mostly for the banter, or a wrecked and embittered being who just desperately wants to reconnect after a civil war he was never supposed to have, or it could be all fucking three and none of them. Naturally, he needs to have a purpose, and as Picard has been in character terms, he needs to be nailed. We need a Q decisively post-AGT, but given Patrick’s exec-producing and the doubt I have that John would ever join if he felt they weren’t doing him justice, I have faith in this. Just... don’t give me a bloody deus ex machina without a point, for the love of the Continuum. Lower Decks is hardly my show, but if we get that manner of Q appearance, we may as well not bother.

What excites me specifically here is that Q apparently appears at a ‘shattering’ moment, which bodes very well as a concept; I’m hoping for some wild electronic shutdown from android!Picard, personally! More on this later...

- Qcard. Naturally. Now, I’m not suggesting Qcard is about to be canon, however hard they’re baiting us with Q literally being on a card (are you fucking kidding me guys, seriously), but... we now live in a blessed era where Q can be the eccentric, flamboyant gay he’s always been. We can have a Q who admit his feelings at last, and we can have a Picard that can accept that and potentially reciprocate - and sure, some people will be butthurt, but some people can also fuck off and get with the times. Am I expecting them to stand there on an asteroid belt and snog? Absolutely not, though we can but hope; honestly, I’d be delighted by some form of acknowledgement, and them swanning off into eternity together, Picard’s burdens finally laid down and his spirit free to be the adventurer it’s always been. Think of the goddamn fics I could write off THAT, my god...

But really, I’ve said this before: Picard is a little darker now, older in age and soul, slightly bitter. Q has presumably been through his civil war, and thus is probably darker, older in age and soul, more bitter than before. Coupled with the genuine beginnings of friendship they’d forged by AGT... whether or not they take that in a romantic direction, it could be a truly unique and meaningful companionship for the ages from two people remarkably similar despite their immense differences, and I’m absolutely here for that. <3

- Has this man forgotten Tapestry? “Time offers so many opportunities, but never second chances,” he says as the card with a heart and a Q on melts away. Poor memory there, Jean-Luc? Do androids still have to deal with Irumodic Syndrome? *shakes head*

- Picard. Here’s a chap who has turned full Data, for all intents and purposes; that’s got to be fucking him up in fairly short order, but I’m especially intrigued by two specific prospects: firstly that he’s going to go into full meltdown as an exemplar of humanity, but secondly... the Q fear humanity to a degree, as they’re meant to surpass them... and ‘the trial never ends’... is that what we’re doing here, advancing humanity to get nearer to that? Because if so, wow. Holy shit. That’s a hell of a reason why Q might be fascinated by him, especially after the Continuum’s war...

- Graphics. A minor point, but STP looks amazing, and the omnipotence of old did not. I’m impressed enough at the particle-vanishing effect of the card - the presence of de Lancie, coupled with the Hollywood-beautiful SFX of this series? Christ, that’s going to be spectacular.

- Time and again. The time angle of this new series intrigues me no end, and there are SO many things they could do with this. I am fervently hoping we don’t rewrite TNG canon to any real degree, but... damn, the opportunities. We could see child Picard, a Trials and Tribble-ations-style insert, any manner of exciting fuckery. I don’t even have any theory-based thoughts right now because we know nothing, but the concept’s thrilling!

- Dream a little dream of me? Two possibilities, given the opening poker scene of series one, and that we now know what the card officially meant (not that I didn’t call that/write a fic on it over a year ago, but still): either Q’s stuck himself into that dream as foreshadowing, or... Picard’s stuck Q in his own dream because he’s been thinking about him. I’m genuinely not sure which is more gay, though I’m privately hoping for the latter...

... I have so many thoughts, and it’s half eleven at night. Please feel free to elaborate on anything missing/very gay, thanks in advance xxxx (P.S. ‘You know that ‘shattering’ thing, celestial - ‘ oh yeah, don’t worry fam, I gotchu. Fic in progress. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA x10) @q-card @bowie-star-trekking hmu cheers dears x

[homieswithhades]

you're one of the few i follow who talks about bucky and so here i am once again in your inbox because the whole way the MCU has approached bucky is just not it. you know? they wrote themselves in a hole. they don't know how to respond exactly with his popularity as a character and no homo'd his most important relationship so hard they're two dudes chilling in two different timelines because it's not gay. the whole 'made amends' thing is just wrong and terrible. bucky didn't do anything wrong! hydra did. hydra used him and yet the narrative has placed it on his shoulders. i enjoyed tfatws but i think there were quite a few odd character writing choices.

hiya !! lovely 2 see u in my inbox again <33

(two bros chilling in 2 different timelines cos theyre not gay killed me bdw)

oh 100% bucky has been mishandled by marvel, i wanna say since the very end of cacw. catfa bucky was splendid and amazingly written, super in character, like That's My Bucky.

catws bucky was obviously brainwashed but (even tho the russos had their grimy little hands on this one) again, amazingly written and handled esp thanks to seb.

it starts to go a little awry at the end of cacw. it was fine when bucky said "i dont know if im worth all this steve" nd steve replies "what you did all those years, it wasnt you. you didnt have a choice" bc this. THIS was the perfect way to be handling buckys trauma. and steve was the ONLY person who could do that. im sorry, but not even sam, whos a licenced councellor, could do that for bucky. the first red flag was before bucky went into cryo and NONE of his fears/feelings were dealt w beforehand. he just goes "i cant trust my own mind" and yoink into the freezer he goes! cacw wasnt terrible w handling bucky, but it did waste a lot of potential with discussing and exploring his character and what he went through. probably bc wuhhh a man cant have FEELINGS and GOD FORBID he show and express them in a HEALTHY WAY in a superhero movie !! (that should have been averngers: civil war, bdw. marvel u actually owe us ca:serpent society)

black panther end credits. what the fuck. is all im gonna say. russos overdosed on how can we make this guys "road to recovery" LOOK like its going like pure shit but not explain why, how, when, who and where.

infinity was a sorta a fucking joke iwel. there were some good parts like the steve and bucky reunion eg. "not bad, for the end of the world" (gives me catfa vibes 😭) and "steve?" being the last words bucky said before being dusted, ik bucky wasnt supposed 2 be the focus in this movie but the fact that they made him fight again after he was supposedly "cured" (see: "semi-stable 100 year old man") was cruel and lacked the exploration it needed to justify it.

endgame is self explanatory. shit movie all-round, pain for everybody in the audience!! it was more of a mishandling of steve rather than bucky, but if we're talking abt bucky specifically, he was more neglected than mishandled. not being bothered to do his metal arm? not showing us the convo he supposedly had with steve before he left? not showing us his reaction to steves joe biden cosplay? horrible. terrible, couldn't have gone worse. once again, seb did ALL the heavy lifting. he is 99% of buckys character.

all of this doesn't even take into account steve and buckys relationship. they are the absolute focal points of each other’s characters, and it was all not just swept under the rug, but the floor was then set on fire, the room burnt to a crisp, the house demolished and then launched into oblivion.

and now to adress what u actually asked, tfatws. i also enjoyed it, but that doesnt mean i think PERSONALLY that it was well written (and thats okay). i do understand it was supposed to deal w sam more than bucky, which it did, but if im being brutally honest, tfatws bucky didnt.... feel like bucky..... which isnt to say seb didnt do a good job, bc he carried what was left of buckys character from the writing, but it was like watching the wrong shoe being put on the correct foot, if that makes sense. bucky was treated like the bad guy, stoic and pissy. "guy with a staring problem", comic fucking relief. govt mandated therapy, constant dismissal, and being thrown back into a fights without it being acknowledged why first. i have no issue w characters who want to keep fighting regardless of trauma (see: john watson) but they NEED the verbal acknowledgement AND the right support system for that plot to be acceptable and sustainable. tfatws did none of that. they reduced bucky to Cap's sidekick again (even tho he wasnt steves sidekick, it feels like he is sams imo pls dont kill me 😭). none of what should have been dealt with was dealt with, because marvel tried to solve literally global, macro-scale problems without even acknowledging the ones at home.

as sweet and technically good the ending of tfatws was, it was badly writtten, at least for bucky. marvel will never climb out of the hole, to use your words, they wrote themselves into, because of 1) the thanos storyline, snap and blip (what the fuck marvel, genuinely) 2) timeline bullshit and 3) steve leaving.

its almost like his actual character development was put on hold for tfatws. it'll be forever up in the air, with no real closure, unless everything and more that i talked about is mentioned. he'll never have the ending he actually deserves.

please do remember, characters are supposed to have arcs, not 90 degree descents into the fucking ground.

[transsexualhamlet]

the problem with sherlock and watson (yuumori)

Feel free to ignore honestly this is a giant opinionated and not well informed ramble but yeah here it is for those of u that follow me for some reason, this is probably pretty controversial so yeah feel free to scroll past

also spoilers for anime onlys, we’re almost there though

So I’ve been Thinking about these two recently, and yeah, to be fair I’ve literally never read or watched any other adaption of sherlock, so I’m just speaking as to what I can tell, but yeah. I’m not sure at this point if it’s really a complaint or just an observation, but I do have some slightly confounded observations about how things are different from what I expected with them.

Mostly my Confounded Observation is just... Watson is straight?! I don’t mean in a literal way, he definitely has Bi Wife Energy TM but... you know, he’s comparatively straight.

Of course, I understand why the author might want to make sure watson doesn’t really get in the way of sherlock and liam (which is honestly hilarious but understandable) and for the purposes of the story it does make sense, but it’s... you know, again I haven’t consumed literally any other sherlock content so I wouldn’t know but from what I’ve heard watson’s always a flaming homosexual and well, it’s not like this series lacks for those, but?? 

It’s not just that he’s straight in the sense of his sexuality, it’s that... he’s a straight character in the sense that he’s like, normal? Kind of overly normal? I was kind of expecting more out of him, to be honest, and to see him just be like, a functional human being who seems to be doing totally fine in all ways? That... I don’t know, it’s kind of weird. Especially in contrast with Sherlock, who as everyone can tell is violently not doing just fine.

Since this part of the manga will be covered in the anime soon, I think this is timely, but I feel like this is just made painfully obvious when the shit goes down between him and sherlock.

Speaking on the nature of their relationship here, it’s weird. Because you know, the author is clearly going sherliam endgame (istg if they don’t just make it official i cant take this anymore) and I support that lmao, they’re like my favorite dynamic- but yeah, it’s obviously different from the other adaptions, where, you know, sherlock and john are ambiguously gay people.

Like, it’s honestly comical how in this series that is significantly gayer than every other one that watson is so clearly a Heterosexual Man honestly

But Sherlock still, clearly isn’t, and I think there is something to be said about how he feels about John, though of course in the end he... obviously chooses Liam. (and considering John’s kind of ass character in this version, he was right to do so)

I mean, just look at them.

We’ve got this obviously autistic obviously gay man who is violently codependent with this mild mannered british dude. Sherlock’s feelings for this guy are complex, and they’re clearly very different from the ones he has for Liam, but they’re certainly there. Sherlock clearly has no idea of romance, no idea of the boundaries between platonic and romantic relationships (and neither do I, but,,, yeah) and I think what Sherlock feels for Watson is like a queerplatonic relationship, but like.... not reciprocated?? 

It’s so weird for this to be the case, but it so clearly is? In the part where they explore that, it goes into how, like... Sherlock doesn’t really know how to function without Watson, dude’s holding up his entire mental health without even really doing anything, and Sherlock feels fucking awful when he is no longer Watson’s like, #1 person. The fact is, the same thing is going on with him, though they’ve existed like this for years it’s clearly not going to work anymore- Sherlock is basically having to choose between him and Liam, and you know what he’s gonna do. But it’s still an awful feeling for a bond that strong to break.

The thing about it really is that for Watson the tie was never that strong in the first place. Watson is so... without conflict in his character. And this is something that actually honestly bothers me. He’s so lawful good it’s infuriating. He’s steady, he’s calm, he’s rational and he’s emotionally mature, he can manage himself fine and care for everyone he needs to. He’s doing just fine even though Sherlock is caught up in this ridiculous murder drama, and that’s what makes the relationship so... I don’t know, off in this version.

Sherlock needs Watson, and Watson cares about Sherlock, but not nearly to the same extent, and he’s like. Not really doing it right? For someone who’s been with him for presumably years at this point, Watson doesn’t really feel like he knows Sherlock all that well. And that sucks that that’s the truth. 

In every other story with friendship/romance tropes like this, the characters have conflicts like this, but when one person thinks the other doesn’t care for them that way, they’re wrong. It’s like oh no, I’m a burden, I’m being clingy, he’s got a life to get back to and I don’t, I’m too much, he’s better than me etc... those are things Sherlock’s type of character tell themself, but the catch is that’s not actually the case, they’re just Mentally Ill. Having that just... be true in Sherlock’s case is kind of heartbreaking, as much as it’s clearly for the Sherliam agenda.

The problem is just that Watson here is just so lawful neurotypical that he just doesn’t really get Sherlock. He’s got this strict moral code, and he kind of makes it a problem to Sherlock. He says all the things that Sherlock would expect everyone to say, but it’s not what you’re supposed to say, you know? He’s all like murder is bad stop doing that I won’t be your friend if you shoot people we don’t do that >:(, be civil be nice stop putting yourself in danger Don’t Do Drugs etc etc. You know, of course that’s sensible information, but it’s... not what he needs to fucking hear? That’s like the school counselor going hey guys, just say no :D THAT DOESN’T WORK. And you’d think that Watson would get this by now? All it’s doing is hurting him more. It’s genuinely making me dislike Watson, and that’s not something I want to do.

I think it works for the purposes of this specific narrative, because they don’t want to create problems with Watson being left behind, they want to say that he’ll be fine on his own so that it will all work out fine. And yeah, of course I want that, I don’t want there to have to be conflict of sacrificing John’s emotions for Liam, but I feel like they didn’t have to sacrifice John’s character for him. 

This series could have a Watson who cares deeply about Sherlock and has some weaknesses and conflicting emotions about him without them being romantic. We haven’t seen how Watson dealt with Sherlock’s “death” yet, I don’t think, but... I don’t really like the thought that this Watson would honestly be fine. He’d be sad, he’d be mad, but he’d get over it and get on with his life and is objectively in a better situation without Sherlock. Yeah, I just... don’t like that.

I want to see a Watson who understands Sherlock. Isn’t that what he’s supposed to be? I want to see a Watson who cares for Sherlock so much that he has to make hard decisions, that he has to make the wrong decisions sometimes, that he has internal conflict because of it. I want a Watson who gets that Sherlock is nothing without him, who gets what’s going on with him and Liam, who’s trying to help him and keep him on track and maybe failing. I want a Watson who’s genuinely conflicted about leaving Sherlock for Mary because he knows it will hurt him, who worries about his ability to take care of everybody, who shows his problems from you know, being in a literal war, who wonders how to portray Sherlock in his books. We can have that without losing Sherliam, man. He doesn’t have to be Hideyoshi Nagachika (god, no one needs to go thru that shit), he just has to have at least a bit of emotion, bro. I want to see a Watson who’s struggling with what to do. Like. Even once. 

Instead we have this. This dude who is just... a nice, rather clueless guy who helps out sometimes and who’s just a bit too much of a rule follower to fit into a story like yuumori.

Sorry to just complain on main here I just think he was done a bit dirty here and it’s bothering me, if u have thoughts or info about other portrayals feel free to hmu i have become a bIT hyperfixated

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

Thanks for replying! Could you possibly link the rp blog? I love your headcanons! What do the Cobras and Miyagi-Dos think of them? I like to think one of the characters in canon came up with their ship name, who do you think it was?- Cherry

But of course, Cherry!!! Those headcanons were so fun to write :D It’s honestly one of my favorite headcanon/ask posts that I’ve done, I think. I love thinking about how Johnny would react to Hawk and Demetri dating XD And writing that paragraph about how I think Demetri and Eli met was honestly the most fun ride haha

@sipping--snowflakes runs a Demetri RPG blog I think, it’s @binarybrother1! Idk if it’s still active, you’ll have to hit them up about that. I also think @hawkxatxheart​ RPs as Hawk and ships the binary boyfriends, if you want to hit them up too!

Aight screw it, Imma do the most complete analysis I can XD

Miguel ships it SO hard XD Like Miguel is a very smart and intuitive person who seems pretty good at picking up on emotions and such (he was able to almost instantly call bullshit on Kreese’s war stories, IIRC), so I’m almost certain that he picked up that there were Some Kinda Vibes going on with those two from day fucking one. But obviously he doesn’t wanna outright say anything, especially not at a school where kids will get bullied for literally ANYTHING and something like kids being gay for each other could legit put a target on both their backs if it got out. So he lets these boys figure shit out on their own time but is also like “...yeah, they’ll realize it eventually, I’m sure.” XD And you dun best believe he just went “ohhhhh my godddddd” when they fell out and developed a super intense rivalry because he’s like guys??? Do you NOT realize being that obsessed with fucking with each other...kinda means you’re obsessed WITH each other??? Even though you both have other friends now??? Doesn’t seem like normal best friend behavior :/ But of course our boy doesn’t want to interfere unless it gets really bad--and he’s got his own issues to deal with, anyhow. I imagine after the dojos join and Demetri and Eli start dating after a while, Miguel is just like “FUCKING FINALLY!!! Sam pay up, you owe me 20 bucks!!!” He’s so happy they finally dragged their heads out of their asses and realized they loved each other, because man, you can bet your ass Miguel knew they did from the get-go.

Sam I think I’ve touched on a fair bit in my other posts so I won’t get into a whole big long thing, but she’s...certainly leery of them dating at first, mainly because she remembers Demetri’s issues with Eli are what pushed him to join Miyagi-Do in the first place, and she witnessed him breaking Dem’s arm so she’s pretty...not crazy about Eli XD But Miguel and Demetri both vouch for Eli a LOT, and reassure Sam over and over that he’s a good guy at heart and just let Kreese get in his head and fell victim to his brainwashing for a while. Sam comes around to the idea after a while, and she can see how happy he makes Demetri and ultimately trusts Demetri to be smart enough to not date someone who’s going to treat him badly. Then eventually she and Eli bond over what a fuck Kyler is (he bullied Sam too, don’t forget!!! And they DATED, so the thing he did with the blowjob rumors was a HUGE violation of the pretty intimate trust you have with a partner) and after that she is VERY on board with him and Demetri dating XD

Chris is...Not A Fan, to put it lightly XD Like he saw firsthand how much of a fuck Hawk was to him and Mitch when they first joined Cobra Kai and how he basically hazed them both for funsies because he let the tournament win get to his head. And hell, HE was one of the ones who got sicced on Demetri in the mall and tried to get Hawk to back down, and SAW that he wouldn’t. And when Hawk was about to go after Demetri at Moon’s party, Chris was the first Miyagi-Do to step in and protect him. And, of course, he saw Hawk break Demetri’s arm, too. So he’s no stranger to the antagonism Hawk has always had for Demetri in particular, and doesn’t trust that it’s completely gone. However, Chris is a pretty down-to-earth and reasonable dude, so with a LOT of vouching from Demetri, I can see him coming around eventually. Also if he was willing to give Mitch a second chance, ain’t no reason he can’t do the same for Hawk. And Mitch would probably vouch for Hawk too, after he and Chris became friends again--after all, Mitch DID end up becoming pretty good friends with Hawk after all the hazing stuff. So ultimately Chris ends up being at least civil with Hawk, but he sometimes glares at him when no one’s looking like “I’ve got my eye on you, you’d better not hurt my bro or there’s gonna be hell to pay”

Mitch is fairly indifferent, I think, although he DOES find the irony of Hawk now being head-over-heels smitten with the same dude he sent him to beat up in the mall and the same dude who told everyone Hawk wets the bed to be IMMENSELY hilarious. He loves to tease Hawk about it, like “Man, what would you have done a year ago if you’d known you’re now regularly making out with that shrimpy little nerd???” and Hawk is like “oh my god shut UP” but then he turns away and smirks because the joke is on Mitch--he TOTALLY still liked Demetri through All That Mess Last Year, he just...had a very poor way of processing it XD

I imagine Bert kinda looks up to Hawk as an older brother figure (there’s a snippet I’ve seen some gifs of of Hawk teaching him how to block and it’s actually really cute--huge Big Bro/Little Bro Energy) and probably also admires Demetri quite a bit for trying to protect him and Nate during the Christmas party fight, so he’s definitely on board!!! His two honorary big brothers dating--he’s thrilled!!! Nate not so much, since you dun best believe he still remembers Hawk and his goons “kicking the fucking shit out of him” XD Nonetheless, Nate probably also has a soft spot for Demetri for trying to protect him, so with lots of vouching from Demetri (and Bert too, once he and Nate are friends again), he eventually comes around to the idea of Hawk and Demetri dating.

ON TO THE SECOND QUESTION, FINALLY!

I actually think Aisha is the one who comes up with their ship name!!! XD Allow me to elaborate--so at some point Aisha comes back (because fuck it, I miss her), either to join the new merged dojo or just to visit, because ain’t no one telling me she didn’t keep in touch with at least SAM and visit occasionally if she was still in the city or general area. So she walks into the dojo to go see Sam and her other friends and start catching up with everyone, and--oh, Sam and Miguel are in the same weird, combined karate dojo now that isn’t Miyagi-Do OR Cobra Kai??? Super wack, but okay. Then she sees Demetri and Hawk holding hands and her eyes get really wide and she’s like “Wait, you two are DATING now??? That’s...kind of gross :/”

And Demetri and Hawk just freeze up for a hot sec because is Aisha of all people about to be judgmental??? But then she immediately follows up with “Well, aren’t you the binary brothers? I don’t know if I can get behind incest, guys.” And Hawk just breaks out snickering and is like “Shit, man, she’s right. We should probably update that.” And Demetri’s like “NO WAIT I GOT THIS” and then he just goes “dEmEtRi aNd eLi, BiNaRy BoYfRiEnDs” complete with the super cringey robot arm and Eli is like “Oh my GOD I am GOING to kill you” as the entire dojo proceeds to Lose Their Shit.

Also you dun best believe that literally every picture Aisha takes with Hawk and Demetri after they all start hanging out again (because I WANT THEM TO, FIGHT ME) is captioned things like “Chillin’ with the binary boyfriends!” “Eating tacos with the binary boyfriends!” “Doing karate with the binary boyfriends!” and before too long she refuses to refer to Demetri and Eli as anything else XD

Also yes I know Moon was also there during the Binary Brothers scene but she most likely wouldn’t be cheeky and tease them about it later. Aisha absolutely WOULD.

[victorian-vampir]

So like. I said I was gonna do this a while ago but now I finally am. How was the finale of Blood of Zeus supposed to make me feel? Zeus died and 1. I just didn't care because there was no reason for me to, nothing seems to have changed now that the king of gods is dead, no one even seems real concerned, not even Hades??? Who surely knows his baby brother is dead???

2. I just.. I feel nothing for anyone in that show. Aside from Kofi who is probably the best character because he's had like a collective 10 minutes of screen time where he had like two lines each time and otherwise he's just there.

That's what blood of Zeus is. It's there. It wasnt good, it was okay. By no means amazing and you'll probably have more entertainment from watching basically anything else on netflix. Blood of Zeus is only more than subpar if you like being bored and you skip the ending.

No I have many things to rant about so let's open this up:

Why did Seraphim have the Bident? Why did he have control of it? Why did Hades look like that? Why was Seraphim more interesting than our main character?

Why did Seraphim blame the gods for the death of his mother? He did that by his own free will and ZEUS TELLS HIM IT WAS HERAS FAULT. Which I still don't know why. It did nothing. Seraphim didn't change what he was doing, no one changed what they were doing regardless of what the gods or other characters said to do! But even then, if that did change Seraphims opinions of motives that would feed into the war Zeus didn't seem to want to have but did fuck all to stop from happening.

Heron sucks. Like a lot. He's not fun or witty, he's not a greek hero, he's just angry at Zeus or Seraphim or he's confused about things and that's it. That's as far as he goes. He's not interesting of fun to watch hes just there for us to follow. I can remember nothing he did that actually interested me because even the background gods had more appeal. You know why greek heroes are fun? They're tricksters. Most suck as people and are just doing good things usually for their own benefit. Heron is so fucking bland, I could watch cocomelon and have a much better time than any point when Heron was on screen.

Why was Hera like that? What was her motive? That Zeus cheated on her and I guess loved the woman for.. some reason? She should know she isn't the first or only woman Zeus had loves. But he's done this before, four of the offspring from him doing this before are standing behind Hera like everytime she's confronting Zeus about stuff. But she's not directing anger at them, she never even glances at them. It's only Heron she cares about despite the fact Zeus mentioned Heracles. So Hera has already done a revenge plot on Zeus's kids before.

Why NOW does she want to kill him? Why does she want to kill him? Why does she want civil war to spark between her literal family. She was just as upset about Heracles so Heron was her breaking point? A useless mortal when Apollo literally drives the sun? When Hermes is a psychopomp? When Artemis has an entire clan of archers? When Dionysus can drive people insane??? This milquetoast human guy is her issue?

Why was Zeus stabbed just to like.. heal it and it to never be brought back up? How long was Apollo in the ocean? Why was he not driving the sun?

Hera having that "He really did love me" moment when Zeus died? Means nothing to me because he TELLS HER THAT. He tells her that immediately when she asks. And sure he hesitates to tell Hera he doesn't love the other woman too but guess what Hera! You're immortal and his fucking wife while she isn't either of those things. You're being a petty bitch but you never once pull the wife card like you can.

Why does Zeus love Herons mother? We get no backstory for why Zeus loves her at all. Did he start off loving her? Did he develop love for her? But he only went there for sex, right? So what's up with that? What's his reason? I wanna know the reason for out characters actions and we get nothing.

The amazonian chick? I fear for her. She's the love interest I can feel it and fuck do I not want her to be. Like, leave Alexia alone. Please don't make her fall for Heron. Please. They're both so boring, I can't even describe.

Kofi, Evios, Apollo, and Hermes are the only interesting character in this story. And none of them do basically anything. They're the only characters I cared about and they were useless. Everytime Apollo and Hermes are on screen they're getting beat up or they're reacting to their dad saying something. These gods were as useful as the human beings we met three episodes ago.

What was Poseidons reason for anything? He didn't care what Zeus had to say at any point and even when Hera was clearly wrong and clearly up to no good in seriously obvious ways he stayed on her side until the ocean was put at risk. WHAT THE FUCK?! It's Poseidon!

I guess I'm glad they made Hades neutral? Like he usually is with god drama? But was he actually? Did the gods just.. ignore Cerberus? Did they ignore the Bident they should KNOW belongs to their brother? Especially Hermes??? Is Cerberus not get guard of the underworld in this universe? Why not? Explain that. Please. This is a major god who is HARDLY EVER MENTIONED DESPITE HIM DEFINITELY HAVING THE POTENTIAL TO BE SUPER IMPORTANT.

I like that they made Apollo Bi? But it also properly was just there to get a couple brownie points. Apollo is already bisexual in actual mythos so like.. it's assumed this version of Apollo is too? You don't get brownie points when Greek mythology is already so overwhelmingly queer. You don't have to show us the god is gay, the only people watching are greek mythology nerds who already know Apollo likes dudes.

I don't know. I'm just rambling about stuff that bothered me I guess. I was eh with the show but the finale ruined it for me. I said before that I'd probably watch season 2 but I'm not so sure now? I'm sure all of this has already been said so I'm just going to add to the pile but whatever. Sorry for any typos, I'm a little sick and I'm not gonna reread it all.

[skinks]

hi!!! what are your favourite movies? like actually good ones but also any trashy comfort movies? is IT (2017) one of them?

Hello!! IT (2017) IS ABSOLUTELY ONE OF THEM oh man, thank you for this, I love talking about movies!!!! This is possibly the most difficult question you could have asked me. Apologies for how absolutely off the rails this got, I just... love movies so much lmao

I’ve said this before, but opening night of IT ch1 was the best cinema experience I’ve ever had, I’m so glad I got to see it with a fully packed audience who were all laughing and screaming together the whole way through. I’m a huge fan of... everything ch1 was doing, the 80s nostalgia, the summer-coming-of-age themes, the solid ghost train funhouse JOY of the Pennywise performance and scares, the washed-out cinematography, the tiny background details to make everything that much more eerie, the kids’ ACTING?!

Like, a lot of the time I find child actors can be really awkward and stilted to watch, but I remember leaving the cinema really impressed by JDG and Sophia Lillis in particular. I liked that they were all allowed to be little shitheads with potty mouths, it felt like a callback to 80s movies like The Lost Boys or Stand By Me. The whole thing worked to make me really care about what happened to the kids (even if I do still have issues with how they handled Mike. I understand even ch1 had limitations with juggling so many characters, but still). I saw it another 2 times in the cinema and have rewatched it at least, I dunno, 7-10 more times since then?

Add to all of that the retroactive CANON R+E baby pining subplot? I just love it, as if that wasn’t obvious by now given my Whole Blog. It’s a really special movie to me!

Anyway!! Ok, the main handful of movies I rewatch all the fucking time are:

Back to the Future, The Lost Boys, Pride and Prejudice (2005), Jaws, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, The Breakfast Club, Ocean’s 11, POTC 1, The Dark Knight, Inception, Die Hard, LOTR trilogy, Snatch, The Nice Guys, Logan Lucky, Mad Max Fury Road, Clueless, 10 Things I Hate About You, Billy Elliot, Dirty Dancing, Tomb Raider (2018)...

Those are the easily consumable ones that I’ve seen so many times I don’t really have to concentrate or think about them, but I really love them and unfortunately often KEEP rewatching them instead of new stuff. It would take too long to go into why I love all these movies so much because I could write the same amount as I already did for ITCH1, and everyone already knows why those movies are good, so, lol.

I think I’m gonna have to subdivide and categorise this whole post because there are too many separate criteria for... goOD MOVIES, AUUHH 😩

Okay so first off, HORROR MOVIES? I’m especially in love with Re-Animator (1985) and its sequel Bride of Re-Animator, they’re such good examples of camp and batshit 80s practical effects, and also EXTREMELY funny. I’m actually just gonna post my list of my fave horror movies that I do actually keep on my phone at all times lmao. These are in no particular order:

Wholeheartedly recommend every one of these. I’ve never been so scared in my life as I was watching Hereditary in the cinema, hoo boy. Mother! by Aronofsky is one of the strangest experiences I’ve ever had (and I actually saw it on the same day I saw IT ch1 for the first time!! That was a fun day)

Psycho (1960) and The Fly from 1986 should also be on there but I couldn’t fit them in the screenshot.

I’m a HUGE fan of a ton of martial arts movies too, like Kung Fu Hustle, Shaolin Soccer, Ip Man, The Raid movies, John Wick 3 is my fave of the trilogy, Drive from 1997 with Mark Dacascos is incredible, SPL 2, Ong-Bak, Operation Condor, Project A, Iron Monkey, and Zatoichi (2003) are some favourites.

My favourite Tarantino is Reservoir Dogs, fave Coen brothers are Raising Arizona, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs and O Brother Where Art Thou. Love some old-timey colour correction and weird offbeat dialogue. I also love Goodfellas!!! And Donnie Brasco! And The Firm, I’m so easy for any good crime/law/gangster/heist procedural like that, especially if they’re from the 80s or 90s in a super dated way.

Fave Disney movie is Tarzan, favourite Ghibli movies are Spirited Away and Lupin III. I remember watching Spirited Away during a thunderstorm one time and it being.... god! Transcendent! Favourite Pixar movie is The Incredibles (the first one. ALSO the documentary “The Pixar Story” is great and well worth a watch, it’s very comforting for some reason) and my favourite Dreamworks movies are HTTYD1 and Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron.

I tend to watch more anime movies than tv shows, so stuff like Akira, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, Summer Wars, Journey to Agartha, and my ultimate fave anime is Sword of the Stranger (2008). The climactic fight in that movie is fucking stunning and should be counted in “bests fights” lists right alongside anything live action

Also if we’re talking animated movies another hearty favourite is Rango, and a Belgian stop-motion (which at one time I considered my favourite movie ever) called Panique Au Village (2009) which is one of the funniest movies ever made imo.

As for TRASHY movies, I’m not sure if that’s the right word for how I feel about these ones but.. dumb/silly/slightly guilty pleasure movies? Ones that I feel need some kind of justification lmfao

Troy - something u must know about me is that I’m a giant slut for the Assassin’s Creed franchise, so if a movie smashes historical and mythological nonsense together with fun costumes and sword fights, I’m gonna enjoy myself. Even if they should have made Achilles and Patroclus gay. Other movies in this vein are King Arthur: Legend of the Sword, and Immortals (2011)

Gods of Egypt - I know all the reasons this movie is whitewashed bullshit. But it was already bullshit with giant Anubis mecha and giant snakes and bad acting and ridiculous CGI and frankly I had a blast at the cinema (my friend who I forced to come with me did not have a blast. Sorry H***)

Avatar - yes, the one with the big blue people. This movie gets a lot of flack nowadays but I really do enjoy it just for the spectacle. The full CGI world technology was so new at the time and I love to wallow in the visuals and daydream about riding a cool dragon around in the jungle

George of the Jungle - I’ll defend this movie to the death ok this movie shaped me as a person, it is fucking hilarious and Brendan Fraser is the himbo to end all himbos. It’s perfect. The song Dela is perfect. I still want to write a reddie AU about it. It’s one of the best movies ever made and I’m not being ironic

Set It Up - I KNOW this is a dumb Netflix original romcom but consider this; it was funny and the leads had great chemistry. I got butterflies. I once watched it and then literally immediately set it back to the start so I could watch it again

The Brady Bunch Movie - when people talk about great satires or parodies you will see them bring up the same movies over and over again, Blazing Saddles, This Is Spinal Tap etc, but they never talk about The Brady Bunch Movie from 1995 for some reason, which they should. It is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen and every time i watch it somehow it gets funnier

Some more general favourites that I do still love but don’t rewatch as often, and don’t wanna go into more detail about are:

Moon (2009), Crna Mačka Beli Mačor, The Sixth Sense, Parasite, The Handmaiden, Tremors, Wet Hot American Summer, Tucker and Dale vs Evil, What We Do In The Shadows, Hunt For the Wilderpeople, The Secret of My Success (I love kitschy 80s movies, is that obvious by now), The Green Mile, When Harry Met Sally, Rear Window, The Odd Couple, Breaking Away, Pan’s Labyrinth, To Kill A Mockingbird, The Eagle, Gladiator, The Artist, The Extraordinary Adventures of Adèle Blanc-Sec, Call Me By Your Name, Master and Commander, Pacific Rim, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Legend (1985), Emma. (2020), Flash Gordon, Trolljegeren, Hross í Oss, Beverly Hills Cop, Coming to America, WarGames, District 9, Ajeossi (2010), Tracks (2013), Sightseers, Mud (2012), Pitch Black, Four Lions, Shaun of the Dead, Starship Troopers, The Truman Show, Withnail & I....... Jesus Christ ok I need to stop

NOTABLE EXTREME FAVOURITES that I didn’t include in the regular rewatch list because they’re too heavy/not as well known/require more attention.:

Thin Red Line (1998), Badlands (1973) both dir. Terrence Malick

Malick’s brand of dreamy impressionistic filmmaking is something I find really appealing, both of these movies are gorgeous and unusual and poignant and, in the case of Thin Red Line at least, have a lot of things to say about a lot of rough subjects. I don’t totally understand all those things sometimes, but a theme with a lot of my favourite movies is that I’ll be more likely to love something long-term if it raises unanswered questions, or is surreal/esoteric etc. Plus the cinematography is incredible, and I wish there was a way to get Jim Caviezel’s narration from The Thin Red Line as an audiobook because it’s very poetic and soothing.

Let the Bullets Fly (2010) dir. Jiang Wen

This movie is WILD, it’s so much fun. It’s sprawling and intricate and epic and smart and really fucking funny, it! Has! Everything! A gang of very tolerant outlaws!! Jiang Wen’s beautiful broad chest!!! Chow Yun Fat absolutely DECIMATING the scenery, and the two of them outsmarting each other in order to gain control of a small Chinese town!!! Plus it’s long, but it packs so much nonsense and intrigue that it goes by really fast. Wow what a flick

A Field in England (2013) dir. Ben Wheatley

I know I included this in my horror list but aaaaahhh ahhhh Wheatley is one of my favourite directors (he also made Sightseers, and is directing the Tomb Raider sequel which makes me absolutely rabid.) This is a surreal black-and-white psychological horror black comedy set in the English Civil War about some deserters who may or may not meet the Devil in a field. People eat mushrooms. It’s bonkers. I love being blasted in the face with imagery that I don’t understand

Mandy (2018) dir. Panos Cosmatos

Speaking of being blasted in the face!!!!! This movie... I saw it in the cinema and I can’t even begin to explain the experience, but I’ll try. My favourite review site described it like this:

“...somewhere between a prog album cover come to life and a metal album cover come to life, and subscribes to both genre's artistic tendency towards maximalism: what it ends up being is basically naught else but two glorious hours of being pounded by bold colors...”

So, prog and metal are my two favourite genres of music. This movie opens with the quote “When I die, bury me deep, lay two speakers at my feet, put some headphones on my head and rock and roll me when I'm dead.” and then a King Crimson song, it is SURREAL to the nth degree, it’s violent and bizarre and Nic Cage forges a giant silver axe to destroy demonic bikers and there is a CHAINSAW DUEL. A galaxy swirls above a quarry. Multiple animated horror nightmare sequences. At one point a man says “you exude a cosmic darkness” and releases a live tiger. At another point Cage says, in a digitally deepened voice, “The psychotic drowns where the mystic swims. You’re drowning. I’m swimming.” and I haven’t stopped thinking about it for two years

Paper Moon (1973) dir. Peter Bogdanovich

Really fantastic movie set in the Great Depression (and also in black & white) about a conman and a little kid who may or may not be his daughter, running cons across the Midwest. It’s beautifully shot, so sharp and sweet and the progression of their dynamic is really well done because they’re played by an IRL father and daughter. Tatum O’Neal was NINE YEARS OLD and she’s so amazing in this movie she’s actually the youngest person to win a competitive category Oscar. I keep trying to get people to watch this fbdjfjdbf it’s wonderful

Alpha (2018) dir. Albert Hughes

THIS MOVIE IS A VICTIM OF BAD MARKETING ok, the trailers made it look like some twee crappy sentimental Boy And His Dog Adventure, plus it had voiceovers in American-accented english? That’s a total disservice to one of the coolest things about this film; the fact that they got a linguist to construct an entirely original Neolithic language that all the characters speak for the entire runtime. And yes, it is eventually a Boy And His Wolf adventure, but it’s COOL and fairly brutal, and it has some really incredible cinematography. The landscapes are so strange and barren and alien, you really get the sense that this is an ancient world we no longer have any connection to. And it’s also about like, the birth of dog & human companionship sooo it’s perfect.

Free Solo (2018) dir. Elizabeth Chai Vasarhelyi, Jimmy Chin

The Free Climbing Documentary. I loved climbing as a kid, I love outdoor sports, and I love movies that elicit a physical reaction in me, whether that’s horny, scared, real laughter, overwhelming shivers, or in the case of Free Solo - HORRIBLE SWEATING TENSION. Like, I knew about Alex Honnold beforehand because of this adventure film festival I go to every year and I followed him on IG so obviously I knew he lived, but the actual climb itself was torture. My hands sweat every time I see it!! It’s incredible, such a cool look into generally what the human body can do, and more specifically, why Honnold’s psychology and life means he’s so well suited to free soloing. It’s such an exercise in getting to know an individual and get invested in them, before they attempt something very potentially fatal.

Brokeback Mountain (2005) dir. Ang Lee

I can’t even talk about this. When I was around 13 I snuck downstairs to watch this on TV at 11pm in secret, and my life was forever changed. I wouldn’t be who I am if I hadn’t seen Brokeback at the age I did. I seriously can’t talk about this or I’ll write an even longer essay than this already is

God’s Own Country (2017) dir. Francis Lee

The antidote to Brokeback Mountain, I’m so glad I managed to see this one in the cinema too. It makes me cry every time, as someone who’s spent years working on a cold British farm with sheep it was very realistic, which is expected since Lee grew up on a farm in Yorkshire. I love that this movie isn’t really about being closeted, but about being so emotionally repressed and self-loathing that the main character finds it so hard to accept love. Or that he deserves to be loved. The cinnamontographies.... lordt... but also the intimacy and sex scenes are fucking searing wow who hasn’t seen this movie by now. 10 stars. 20 stars!!!

Tomboy (2011) dir. Céline Sciamma

I saw this years ago but I’ve never forgotten it, it cut so deep. It’s from the director of Portrait of a Lady on Fire and it’s about a gnc kid struggling with gender and misogyny and homophobia in a really raw, scrappy way, it reminded me very much of my own... childhood... ahh the central performance is amazing for such a young age. I haven’t seen Portrait yet but I feel like if you went nuts for that, you should definitely check this out, it’s lovely.

Donnie Darko (2001) dir. Richard Kelly

EVERY TIME I WATCH THIS MOVIE I UNDERSTAND LESS AND LESS and that’s what I love so much about it. I love surreal movies, I love time-fuckery and stuff about altered perception etc etc and Donnie Darko scratches all my itches. I wish I could find a way to figure out an IT AU for it, because I know it would work! Somehow! Plus it’s got the subdued 80s nostalgia and I found it at an age when I was really starting to explore movies and music and the soundtrack FUCKS.

Offside (2006) dir. Jafar Panahi

I wish more people knew about this!!! It’s an Iranian film about a disparate group of women and girls who are football fans and want to watch Iran’s qualifying match for the World Cup, but women aren’t allowed into the stadium, so they all get thrown into the Stadium Jail together? They don’t know each other beforehand, but it’s about their changing relationships with each other and the guards and just, their defiance alongside hearing the match from the outside and WOW it’s so lively. Great dialogue and very funny, and such a different kind of story from anything you usually see from Hollywood.

The Fall (2006) dir. Tarsem Singh

This movie... I guess it’s the ideal. This is the platonic ideal of a film for me, it has fantasy, magical realism, glorious visuals, amazing score and costumes and production design and a really interesting, heartbreaking relationship at the core of it. I don’t know why so many of my favourite films feature incredibly raw performances by child actors but this is another one, Catinca Untaru barely knew any English and improvised so much because of that, and it’s fascinating to watch! Also the dynamic with Lee Pace is one of my favourites, where a kid forms a friendship with a guardian figure who isn’t their parent, but the guardian grows to really care for them by the end. It’s like Paper Moon in that sense. What is there to even say about this movie, it’s pure magic joy tempered and countered by genuine gutwrenching emotional conflict in the real world, it’s also ABOUT old moviemaking, in a way, and it’s stunning to look at!

Mad Max Fury Road (2015) dir. George Miller

I know I included this in my “most rewatched” section but it deserves its own thing. We all know why this movie is fucking incredible. I remember clutching my armrests in the cinema and feeling like my skeleton was being blasted back into the seat behind me and tbh that is the high I’m constantly chasing when I go to see any movie. What a fucking gift this film is

Théo et Hugo dans le Même Bateau (2016) dir. Olivier Ducastel, Jacques Martineau

I only found this movie last year and it became an instant favourite. Initially I was just curious because I’d never seen a movie with unsimulated sex before, but it’s so much more than the 18 minute gay sex club orgy it opens with. No, not more than, AS WELL AS. The orgy is important because this movie is so candid and frank about sex and HIV treatment in the modern day, it was eye-opening. Another thing that really got me is that I’d never seen a real-time film before. It’s literally an hour and a half in the lives of these two men, their intense connection and conversation and conflict in the middle of the night in Paris, with some really nice night photography and just!!! Wow!!! AMAZING CHEMISTRY between the actors. This is such a gem if you’re comfortable with explicit sexual content.

Ok. This is already over 3k but film is obviously one of my ridiculous passions and I can and do talk about it for hours. I’ve been reading magazines about it for years, listening to podcasts and reading review blogs and recently, watching video essays on YouTube because the whole process is so interesting to me and I want to learn more!!

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about the concept of valuing form over narrative. The idea that story can often come second to the deeper physical experience and emotional reaction that’s created by using ALL the elements of filmmaking and not just The Story, y’know? Whether that’s editing, shot composition, colour, the sound mix, the actors, how it should all be used to heighten the emotional state the script wants you to feel. And so, I think for a few years now this approach has been influencing the types of films I really, really love.

I think I love surreality and mind-bending magical realism in films specifically because the filmmakers have to use all those different tools to convey things that can be way too metaphysical for just... a script? I’m always chasing that physical response; if a movie can make me stop thinking “I wonder what it was like to set up that shot” and instead overwhelm that suspension of disbelief, if I can be terrified or woozy or crying for whatever reason, that’s what I’m looking for. That’s why I watch so many fuckin movies, and why I’ll always remember nights like seeing IT (2017) for giving me another favourite.

Thank you again for this question, I didn’t mean to go so overboard. Also there’s no way to do a readmore on tumblr mobile so apologies to anyone’s dashboard 😬

[elsafowl]

Las Chicas del Cable, S05 (part 2) | REVIEW

Okay, so SPOILERS AHEAD for the final episodes of Las Chicas del Cable (or Cable Girls in english or Les Demoiselles du Téléphone in french). You have been warned, if you read this post further than this, it's on you.

Now, let's talk.

I don't really have a logical order for my talking points, actually I kinda finished the last episode 10 minutes ago and I just stopped ugly crying so forgive me for the feels and over punctuation.

THE ENDING: yeah, let's start with the freaking ending. The freaking BAD ending, I must say. Sure, I was so sad and overwhelmed with the pre-death flashbacks that I didn't think about it at first but. wow. what a bad ending. Seriously, what were they thinking in the writers' room? "Oh, we are writing a serie about powerful, clever, independent, badass women who survive and fight against all odds for 5 seasons, how can we finish that..." "BY KILLING THEM ALL" "Yay, great idea Steve!" THE FUCK. It was already enough that Ángeles had to die. It was already enough that most of the original main cast had died by the last episode (Carlos, Elisa, Julio, Ángeles, Carmen, that's already a lot of people), but nooooo, you had to kill the main four. The main four, who, let's be clear, died in the most stupid way ever.

ALTERNATIVE ENDING THAT WOULD'VE BEEN WAY BETTER IN MY OPINION: so, modern TV seems to have a problem with 100% happy endings. Like, endings are usually bittersweet, or sad, or damn tragic (glaring at you, Game of Thrones). Let's roll with that. You want a mildly sad and shocking ending for your chicas, but you also really want that years of fights and character developments don't go to waste, and you also want your depiction of the after Civil War era in Spain to be a little bit realistic. What do you do? Let me tell you: you kill your main character in the final. Lidia dies, saving everyone else, sacrificing herself. She is the main, so it's a shock and it's sad (+ the ship war between Lidia/Carlos and Lidia/Francisco is avoided because 2/3 are dead). It's sad but it makes sense: not everyone can survive the Franco regime, not even the main character (who, honestly, has high morals and always try to help everyone even if it puts her in danger). You have the drama and the tears. But Carlota and Óscar? They deserve a happy ending, being badass reporters with their new son Martín, being in love and maybe becoming cool spies during WWII. They deserve this ending, because I'm tired of the Bury Your Gays Trop (seriously. AGAIN??). They deserve a happy ending because this last season was them not being sure they belonged together, and Óscar not feeling like himself, and them breaking up and finally making up at the end, and all of that for WHAT?? Tell me, for what!? Marga needs a happy ending too: she risked everything to save her husband, she freaking gave birth like a pro in the middle of a riot/prison escape and she had her baby and her family is reunited for what... three minutes before she has to freaking die?? No. Just no. I guess I can imagine how these deaths symbolize the fights of all of those women who were forgotten by History, but you don't have to kill all of them to spread the message damn it.

ESPECIALLY WHEN THE REASON FOR THEIR DEATHS SUCKS: maybe I can accept them all dying, if it made sense. But it didn't!! They spent the entire season, hell, the entire serie fighting against everything and everyone - and they were mostly winning!! Las chicas never gave up on anything or on each other, and that's the strength of the show. But here we are, with the last scene: Lydia has a crazy good plan with the book and the sleeping powder and they freaking manage to escape. But oh look, these dumbasses started the train 30 sec too early and they can't run fast enough to jump in it (even though Franscico managed to do so literally 10 min earlier). But oh look, they aren't running fast enough because they are wearing high heels... honestly, I know this sucks, but during the running scene I couldn't stop thinking that they were going to die because they were wearing high heels. And damn, they actually did die. BECAUSE OF A FASHION CHOICE AND BAD TIMING. are you kidding me? They also died because they decided to give up. Again, las chicas, who fought and won against asshole men, against Doña Carmen, against the freaking Franco regime and they gave up. Just like that, because of a train speeding too fast. What the actual fuck???

But let's talk about the other deaths of this season (because they were a lot). I had tears in my eyes for Elisa and that's it. You see, the major problem with these last episodes and their characters' deaths (except the last ones), is that you could feel that the writers had used this specific character and they didn't need them anymore. Julio is fun, but we don't need him anymore: you kill him. Elisa was useful for a bit, but then we don't need her anymore: you kill her. Doña Carmen lost everything, she's not a villain anymore so we don't need her: you kill her. Even this lady from the prison was a cool character, but you needed to show not everyone could come out of this escape alive so bam! you kill her. Honestly, I was okay with all of these deaths even if they were not subtle at all in their intent, but if we add the last four deaths, IT'S JUST TOO MUCH. Like hell, you can't have mostly everyone surviving impossible situations for 4 seasons and then having a real massacre in the last one.

The rhythm: yeah, the rhythm wasn't that great. Everything happened to fast, from plot development to character development. It's a minor complaint tho, because they did good with the few episodes they had and most characters had been developed in previous seasons anyway. But it still felt a little bumpy at times.

Doña Carmen's redemption (of sort): it was a little too fast to my taste. But then, Elisa's death was heartbreaking and Carmen's flashbacks with her children (now both dead, I can't believe I was such a fan of the Cifuentes in the first seasons) made it even more painful. I liked how she didn't backed down or betrayed Lydia in the end. And I like how her ultimate suicide was presented as a victory: Carmen was in charge of her own life, she never let anyone tell her what to do or not to do. She was a great villain, and yeah she dies but not to save anyone, just because she said so and I like that.

Also, I don't remember his name but don't you think there was a hell of a gay tension between Pablo and this guy who betrayed them and got Julio killed? I mean, maybe it's just me, but I think he wasn't really in love with Marga and maybe more with Pablo!

Too bad Sofía wasn't developed more. She was a tool in this last season: a plot device to spy in the prison, and she had like 2 scenes as the daughter of Lidia/Franscisco and 2 scenes as Felipe's love interest but... I don't know, I guess I wanted more of her, since we didn't really get to know her before.

I loved the prison scenes!! They were short, but each of the chicas had her moment to shine and it was particularly pleasing to see Óscar believing in himself again. Carlota and Óscar's arrival in prison was so violent (with the shower scene and everything), I wish they explored a little bit more of that. And also of Lidia suffering and becoming not a person but a number during her 8 months incarcerated.

Where did the nice lady guard from prison go?

Carmen putting her ex-friend and mostly Carlos and Elisa's killer alive in a coffen was pretty satisfying. Yeah, not sorry about that.

I really liked that Franscisco and Lidia didn't really had couple scenes in those final episodes. I'm not such a fan of the couple (why do we have to keep the first love forebver?) (the love triangle with Carlos sucks too), and I didn't miss those scenes. They didn't make a big deal of Carlos' death so they made the right choice to not rub it in our faces by having cute lovely scenes between Lidia and Francisco.

Actually, Marga and Pablo were the cutest and the birth scene was awesomely done. How Pablo was so encouraging over the phone, how Marga needed him to tell her she could do it, and she finally did it and the little moment of angst when the baby didn't cry and them obviously naming him Julio. I honestly was so happy, this was definitely one of the best scene (plus, they manage to reunite almost everyone in this scene, between the people in prison with Marga and the people in the apartment with Pablo).

Carlota and Óscar organising the riot was awesome too, and them getting back together was certainly welcomed bonus, even if they didn't get much scenes to explore that.

THIS SCENE WAS GOLD: 

AND SEEING ALL OF THEM WITH ÁNGELES AT THE END, AND ÓSCAR BEING HIMSELF AND EVERYONE BACK IN THE CABLE COMPANY LIKE IN THE FIRST SEASON, THE FREAKING TEARS!!!

Anyway, there is a lot to say about this season. Sure, the ending was terrible to me but that doesn't mean the rest of the season (or even the show) was bad. I think you can see me cool off in this post as I write, now I'm pretty calm and not as mad because I still love this show but damn, why would you ruin the ending like that?? Or like, maybe not ruining it totally, but making it so damn hard?

All in all, I really liked this serie even if the final episode (actually, the last scene) was pretty terrible to me. Of course, the first three seasons were way better than the last two, with the intrigue being around the cable company and less slip up in so many different directions because of the war. I truly think the Civil War and Franco era plot could have been better if they had more episodes, more time to develop it, and maybe more complex storytelling. I will always been grateful to have seen such a wonderful cast of actresses/characters on the show. They were powerful, badass, clever, independent, loving women (and Óscar) who were fighting everyday for their lives, for their loves, for their freedom and for their rights and that was beautiful to watch, especially when the main five characters are so different and yet so connected, so relatable, and so... I don’t know, women? 

Thank you Carlota, Óscar, Marga, Lidia and Angeles. Thank you, las Chicas del Cable. You’ll be dearly missed. ♥

[delusionland]

stream of consciousness rant under the cut about teddy

teddy altman is the funniest character in the world because he’s LITERALLY /in/ the civil war event in a single panel with billy where they’re both like THIS IS FUCKED UP BRO! I DONT WANNA BE HERE!!!! and then he’s in the skrull invasion event where he could LITERALLY STOP THE SKRULL INVASION at ANY TIME and he’s just like ‘haha... i’m 16 bro and i kinda... don’t want to kinda busy being gay rn : / its a big time investment’ and thats also incredibly funny

 but whats MOST funny is that all this happens to him, he’s literally an avenger, he has this whole thing with ‘mother’ in ya v2, he’s hot af 21 year old with his whole life in front of him but because he’s not related to any OTHER avengers except for the old captain marvel who is dead as a doornail and who he has a complicated relationship with, he’s like : (((( i have no purpose.... i’m sad... i’m gonna eat pizza bc my boyfriend is cooler than me he has two families : (((( and he’s friends with doctor strange... i’m not friends with doctor strange...

like obviously he just has depression and self-worth issues and such a strong sense of unreality that he briefly believed he was not a real person and was made up by his boyfriend?

but also.

like TEDDY ALTMAN. you FOOL. ur literally a SPACE PRINCE. ur COOL as fuck. stop playing animal crossing and luigis mansion. you can FLY. and SHAPESHIFT. idiot

how are you going to be living the transgay DREAM life and be like : (((( like teddy fucking altman. you wish fulfilment based fool

he’s like the most painfully normal gay guy in the universe like he might be a shapeshifter that has the abilitiy to turn himself into a hunk, but under that. he’s round spongebob with depression. his favorite game of thrones character was tyrion, which means he definitely didn’t read the books, AND he legitimately liked the show and the character of tyrion within it. i will never forgive him for that

i’m giving him a lot of shit here but thats because i’m an asshole. i love him to death. but it’s like ‘teddy u big boob with big boobs. sort ur shit out.’ and he does end up sorting his shit out. but jesus. how are you so normal

i think my problem with teddy & billy in general is they don’t feel REAL to me in a lot of ways bc a lot of their characterization is so by-the-numbers ‘gay’ but also ‘rich’ and ‘popular’ and ‘depressed’ so i like. this is NOT my gay experience. i’m a fat non-binary butch dyke agoraphobe. i can’t comprehend their story because it’s so fundamentally different to my own lived experience. and when i try to make it match up to mine---it feels like billy & teddy are living in a dream world where they have absolutely no flaws bc they’re forced into being ‘charming gay representation for teens to look up to�� and its like. what am i supposed to do with this. with the exception of the gillen run. which everyone??? hates now????? i don’t know. i love them. and more importantly i’m still trying to understand them on my own terms, how they’re written---what they really represent beyond being the most popular two charcters on r/lgbtsuperheroes, beyond winning glaad awards.

like who ARE they beyond billy and teddy. who are they beyond the labels and whats the latest in nerd culture and gay culture pop culture references!!!!

what makes a ‘canon gay character’ ‘canon gay’ and what makes them textured, layered, real? the second one is so much important to me, but how can i distill ‘realness’ and give it to those canon gay characters? how can i make one half of a pair which is about one third of a set make SENSE to me. feel like the gay people i know, feel like members of my community i can relate to and respect without feeling a sense of jealousy, a sense of self-hatred, a sense of being robbed of a universal experience of ‘canon gayness’ that doesn’t and will never exist?

this just has to be my next project tbh. getting back into young avengers, figuring this out.

how do ‘out gay people’ live, how do the ‘popular kids’ live, beyond maligned celebrities and royal families that i understand in their fucked up straightness---how does it feel to be accepted & acceptable and still gay AND MENTALLY ILL?

i don’t know, man! i don’t know! i think maybe i just can’t see the forest for the trees. but billy & teddy feel like too much to hope for in this world sometimes, too soft a story, too kind but also? too... fake? i got issues yall

[iznightwing]

TUA Season 2 Spoilers

So, this is my immediate reactions to the new season of The Umbrella Academy. Please enjoy

Episode 1

They all got stuck in different parts of early 60s Dalas, TX

Threat of nucular war

"The Swedes" are our main(?) protagonists for this season it seems

Diego(1963) is in a mental asylum because he's trying to stop JFK's assassination.

Vanya(1963) has some minor amnesia

Luthor(1962) is a mobster???(idk)

Allison(1961) is married, helping with the civil rights movement

Klaus(1961) stole a guys truck and fighting with Ben

Ben(with Klaus) is still a ghosty boi(😭)

Five(1963) as to figure out how to stop the fuck apocalypse ****again**** that they ended up bringing back with them

Episode 2

Handler is alive, but she got demoted

Luthor works for Jack Ruby apparently

Luthor still hates Vanya -_-

"Dad should have left him on the moon" jsjegdidu Five's fuckin savage

Diago and Lila(new character) escape the mental hospital

Allison's husband just got arrested for "assault and battery"

Diago is still trying to get Lee Harvey Oswald

Klaus is literally treated like a Hippie Jesus but he doesn't like it

They have fottage from JFK's assassination, which isn't for another 6 days, based on the show's timeline

FUCKING REGINALD IS IN THE FOOTAGE?!?!

Luthor found where Vanya has be- OH SHIT HE HAS A GUN

Luthor doesn't realize Vanya has amnesia

He wants to apologize to her???

LUTHOR DON'T DO IT

SISSY(new character) PULLED THROUGH

2 of the 3 guys sent to kill the Hargreaves are just throwing a knife at each other while the other one cooks??

Five and Diego are going to search for Reginald

Allison's husband is getting suspicious because she almost used her power in front of him

Lesbian vibes coming from Sissy and Vanya

Five being vulnerable makes me soft

Reginald has (a) mannequin family(ies)??

Pogo!!

Reginald just fucking stabbed Diego I-

Episode 3

Klaus seriously is just Hippie Jesus

Lila saved Diego's life

Vanya run girl!

Yaasss queen! You use thos powers!

Well, Five found Vanya

Luthor is trying to find Allison

Klaus and Allison reunited!!

Handler changed her appearance??

Allison is a strong independent woman, and ain't none can tell her otherwise

Daaamn klaus and Ben just used his ghosty self to get Allison's husband out of jail

Five tries to help Vanya get her memories back

I'm fairly certain Lila has a thing for Diego

THEY MADE OUT! I WAS RIGHT

Okay, they're doing more than making out

Luthor found Allison's address and met her husband. Can you say **awkward** !

Allison ain't taking no shit my dudes

DAVE!! AAAHHH

Klaus is being the awkward gay

OH FUCK OUR IS BOY HAVING SOME PTSD

KLAUS IS TRYING TO SAVE DAVE FROM GOING TO VIETNAM!

I think Ray(Allison's husband) is mad at Allison...

Vanya and Five went find Luthor

Shit going wrong at the sit-in

Oh shit Allison just made Ray scared of her by using her power

Klaus managed to get Allison out of all the chaos

Luthor just purposely lost a fight??

Lila what the fuck are you doing??

Lila, what are those keys for??

LILA YOU FUCKING WORK FOR HANDLER?!?!

MOM?!?!?!

Episode 4

FIVE WAS THAT YOU?! I SWEAR TO GOD IF IT WAS-

I don't know how I feel about this my dudes

Vanya and Luthor bonding??

Jack Ruby just fired Luthor??

Vanya and Five just had a fight

Klaus is not the best person for moral support

"He stabbed me" "I'm surprised he waited this long, Diego. We've all had the urge" jdjdgdj savage Five back at it again

So Reginald is part of a "shadow government"??

OH FUCK DAVE NOOOO

Allison, honey, you can do better babe

Oh nooo Klaus is going back to the dunk side

Welp, Klaus' followers found him

Diego, Lila and Diego doing a sneaky

Allison and Luthor have reunited!!

More sneaky

GRACE! BUT NOT A ROBOT!

Oh nooo! Harlan come back!

HARLAN NOOO

VANYA TO THE RESCUE!!

Well, Luthor just got evicted

LETS GO LESBIANS

Well, Luthor's high on laughing gas, thanks to Eliot

Ooo fight scene to KISS niiccceee

Welp I think Diego feels betrayed

Five knows ancient Greek apparently

Episode 5

BABY POGO

Pogo was apparently sent to space

That moment you realize Reginald treated Pogo more like a son than he did his own children

Diego and Five are onto Lila

Allison and Klaus are have a heart to heart

As I stated previously, LETS GO LESBIANS

Oh nooo

Luthor, you're just going to get your feelings hurt

Told you soooooo

"Dude, that's rough" I- they literally missed the opportunity to use "that's rough buddy"

Handler, what are you planning?

Now Diego doesn't trust Vanya -_-

ALL THE SIBLINGS ARE TOGETHER YAY

The Swedes are just living their best life in this random women's home

Damit Klaus

God damit Luthor

Don't follow her damit

AAAAHHHH BENNNN

Klaus calling out all the in*est shippers

"The only thing the Umbrella Academy knows about love... is how to screw it up" I didnt need called out like this Klaus

I love some quality sibling bonding

Well that guy just went boom

I lowkey like this cover of Billie Eilish's "Bad Guy"

Five figured out Lila and Handler are working together

Vanya trying to confess her love to Sissy I- baby nooo

Vany, baby, it's all gonna be okay

The swedes are down to two. Poor guys

Idk how I feel about this version of Adele's "Hello"

Klaus is confronting his followers

Allison decided to tell Ray everything

Episode 6

Allison, run baby!

Ooo how sweet!

Seriously Handler. What are you planning?

So luthor, Diego and Vanya are going to talk to Reginald

Klaus' followers won't listen to him

Allison got Ray to believe her. Yay!

Ooooh booooyyy, pooh shhhiiittt

BINGOO!

oh shit, what the hell??

Oh my god, Dave come baaaaccckkk!!!

"Unharm my wiener" oh my god

I think Luthor let rip in the elevator, lol

Reggie wants proof

And with that proof comes a mess of fruit

So, Ben can possess Klaus

Diego doooonnn't

Vulnerable Five gets me every time

Nooooo not Eliot

Sissy, it's gonna be okay baby

Oh noooo

Oh fuuucckkk

Episode 7

I have a bad feeling about this

Well that was... interesting

Klaus is being Ben's wingman and letting him possess him to talk to a girl

I don't like Carl's attitude

I knew Handler was gonna pull something

Diego just threatened an old lady because of a misunderstanding I-

Istg, I want to shoot Handler in the head again

God damnit Diego

Ben, enjoy yourself baby, but don't abuse your brother's trust

Fuck off Carl

Allison, honey, please go with Luthor

Ben, you're doing great sweetie

Diego knows that Ben is able to possess Klaus

Vanya, please don't fight with your brother

Diego, please lis- GOD DAMIT LILA

Allison, baby, its going to be okay

Sissy, what are you doing?

Backstreet boys to a fight scene. Nice

So vaccuum extensions can be a weapon

Klaus, Ben, stop fighting!

Okay, so that happened

Shiiitt

Vanya, don- SHIIIIT

Episode 8

So Vanya is the russian baby from the opening of the first season

"You've had your possession privileges revoked!" "I regret nothing!"

Oh shit, he's gonna- ope, he knows it was Handler

Diego, don't let them treat you like that man

Grace, please be careful

Grace, don't believe him

So, five is going to look for himself. Literally, not figuratively

Sissy, don't listen to him

DON'T HURT HER YOU ASSHOLES

The FBI be assholes(for legal reasons this is about the show only)

This won't end well

Lila, please. Control yourself

Five apparently doesn't trust himself(the old body version of himself)

Diego, don't fuck up

Fancy shmancy machine

Sooo, Vanya causes this apocalypse too??

Past five wants to "kill" present Five??

Brain food. Ha

Ray, just listen to your wife

Uuuuhhhh Harlan??

Episode 9

Allison, please be careful baby

"You look like Antonio Banderas with the long hair, I just thought you should know"

Common Klaus, I know you can do it baby

BEN!!

"Because I'm him, and that is exactly what I'd do if I wanted to kill me!"

"I'M THE DADDY HERE!!" Gejkzudh I'm-

743??

Carl stop it!

Sissy, POP OFF

God damnit Lila

Five. For god sakes

Oof, I felt that through the screen

"Dancing with myself" is a completely appropriate song to go with this fight scene

Ben, be careful baby. I know your dead, but still

Vanya, baby, it's gonna be okay

Ben noooooo

Shut the fuck up Carl

OH SHIT

Lila knows the- GOD DAMNIT IT WAS FIVE

Don't listen to her Lila!

Okay, so that just happened

Diego is still trying to stop the assassination

Five sent old Five through his rift to 2019

Well, Diego got duped

Reginald didn't know about the plan of the assassination??

WHAT THE FUCK?!

UUUHHH

Episode 10

Okay, so we open up with Ben's funeral

Wow Reginald

Klaus apparently convinced Ben not to go to the light?

So now they're all wanted by the FBI

Guys, please listen to Vanya

Okay, so he was scared of the light, it wasn't Klaus that got him to stay

"Anyone makes a fat joke and I'm outta here"

Oh- oh no

Harlan, baby, please listen to Vanya

Uuuuhhhhhhhh

So Diego can control the direction of more than just knives. Okay then

Hell yea baby, Vanya saves the day

WHAT THE FUCK

OH SHIT, FIVE

Nooooo

Phew that was close. Why is it always Allison that almost dies?

Don't listen to her Harlan!

Listen to them Lila!

NOOOOO

WHAT THE FUCK

YASSS BITCH

Harlan, it's okay baby!

Yassss

Way to go Herb!

No Sissy, go with herrrrr

I have mixed feelings about all this

And theyre back home

Apparently Reginald is alive??

THE FUCK

[roscoe-me-and-this-fuckin-kid]

My Ryden Recs

not in any particular order

The Heart Rate of a Mouse Series (11/10)

~513k words

Ryan "Heterosexual" Ross and his incredibly popular prog rock band, The Followers, start their summer tour for their new hit album "Boneless" in June of 1974. However, Ryan begins to take a shine to their new roadie, the ever mysterious Brendon No-Last-Name-Given, who dodges questions about his past and flaunts his flamboyant homosexuality. After an assault by a member of the supporting act, Brendon and Ryan get their payback, and begin to bond. But much to Ryan's confusion and alarm, he starts to want something he can't let himself have, starts to feel something he can't let himself feel.

--Okay I kinda lied. This list is in no particular order EXCEPT for this one. This one is the best. Anna Green owns my ass. I'm not someone who's picky about first vs third person, but if you are, then just this once throw that out the window and read this utter masterpiece. Ryan's character development throughout is so touching, but my god he fucks up a lot. One of my friends who has gone through the process of buying the physical copies and annotating them says that Ryan majorly fucks up over 50 times. Emotional rollercoaster straight ahead!--

Freaks (7/10)

~45k words

Ryan's face was permanently disfigured when he was 12 years old, and since then, the only person who has ever stood by his side is his best friend Spencer. After earning the nickname "Freak" in high school, he finally accepts that nobody will ever want him, or ever treat him normally again. But after an accident that lands him temporarily in the hospital, he meets Brendon. They get along great, and Ryan begins to fall in love. One small problem though:

Brendon had been recently blinded. Neither of them know if it's permanent, and Ryan is sure that if Brendon knew about his face, he would leave him forever.

--I really liked this one. It makes you sit on edge and every single time you think that Ryan will finally confess and tell the truth, he blue balls you like an asshole. This story is so sad and so sweet, I definitely recommend. Also, there's some background Joncer, which is really cute. Definitely a worthy read if you're looking for some angsty fluff. Oh, and a little aside: the author, spazzyskittles on LJ, actually beta-ed a lot of Anna Green's Ryden fics, including THROAM! So do with that what you will ;)--

The Red Eyed Owl Series (10/10)

~403k words

As one of the best players of one of the best National Hockey League teams, the Chicago Hounds, Ryan Ross has everything he could ever want. Young, famous, and free to do whatever he damn well pleases, the world either wants him or wants to be him. But after a leg injury that could potentially ruin his career, Ryan begins to realise that perhaps he doesn't have everything. Perhaps some things can mean so much more than women throwing themselves at you every chance they get and receiving bottomless drinks at sports bars. Perhaps he could fall in love.

--This was actually recommended to me by @wandering-verses and it was 100% worth the read. I broke out crying in the middle of class during the second book, and I cried again at 3 am when I stayed up all night to finish it. It's one of those that fucks you up so bad that you can't read anything else for a little while after finishing. Now, both the authors are from Spain, so English isn't their native tongue, but it's so well written that I probably wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't read the notes at the very beginning. An all time Ryden fave.--

Missing In Action (10/10)

~204k words

In where the American Civil War goes differently, the nation once known as the United States of America is instead separated into two: DURA and Beauregia. The latter didn't change much in terms of their economy. Slavery is still legal, and the kingdom is ruled under a tight, Christian monarchy. Their king is Boyd Beauregard. His only son, crown Prince Brendon Beauregard, heir to the throne, resides in the highly respected Saint Francis' Academy. DURA on the other hand developed quickly, a democracy founded on new technology and equitable ideals.

Everyday, bipartisanship seems farther away from grasp, and DURA, realising that cooperation is impossible, creates the DURA investigative bureau. Identifying the crown prince as the Royal Family's weakest link, they realise that he could become an infinitely invaluable asset to them. Agent Ross, under the pseudonym "Ryan Hastings", is chosen to go undercover, enroll in Saint Francis' boarding school, infiltrate the Prince's friend group, and gain his trust by any means necessary.

--I'm ashamed to admit that I let this one pass me by for a while. I read the words "American Civil War" and I automatically assumed that this would be a mid 1800's Civil War fic about closeted gay soilders, and I'm not against that, but the premise didn't really interest me. But once I finally caved and started reading, I quickly realised not only was the premise entirely different, but it was really fuckin' good. Read this!!!!--

Esoteric Contagion (8/10)

~18k words

He wakes up with a note stuck to his forehead that reads, “You traded your memory in a spell. It was worth it.” The note is signed George Ross. He wonders if that’s his name.

In which things are lost and gained and remembered and forgotten, in that order.

--Despite being the shortest on this list, I loved it to death. You will cry so hard, I promise. This story is so sad. The author can deal so many shocking blows in less than 20,000 words, and you will be completely invested. I don't want to spoil anything, but it's massively underrated, and it will fuck you up.--

Two Vatos Locos Series (7/10)

~311k words

When you have your first dream with your soulmate, everything changes. But after years and years of watching all his friends have their dreams and fall in love, Ryan started to wonder if he would ever has his dream. At twenty, Ryan started to get desperate. He went to doctors, therapists, even a fucking palm reader. No one could tell him what was wrong with him. There was only one explanation: his soulmate had to be dead.

Ryan spent endless hours laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, begging, wishing, praying to have his dream and meet his soulmate. One day, with blood gushing down his face and vomit coating his tongue, his prayers were finally answered.

And now, as he stares at this scared, helpless boy, with bloodied rope burns around his wrists and tears staining his cheeks, he wishes that they never were.

--The title "Dos Vatos Locos Lleno de Carnalismo y Inamorates" roughly translates to "Two Crazy Dudes Full of Carnality and Infatuation," which is definitely accurate. I did enjoy this fic; it was cute, sad, and very interesting, but if you are interested in reading, you will need to be patient at times. Some passages seem like filler and the writing in a few places is kinda dry or cringey. But it's still overall a good story though. WARNING: Brendon is underage for most of this fic, but nothing sexual happens until he is of age.--

The Way Home From Nowhere Series (9/10)

~158k words

After his parents find out about his relationship with another boy, Brendon Urie makes a snap decision to flee from his abusive home. After a quick makeover to hide his identity, he decides to thumb a ride. He starts living the life he never even dreamed he could. Talking openly about things like sex, condoms, and homosexuality- he's happier then he's ever been.

There's one problem though.

His new roommates, Ryan and Spencer, have no idea that he is the missing Mormon boy from the nearby town of Summerlin.

--Ladies and gents, welcome to my first ever Ryden fic! This will always be a favourite of mine. Both Brendon's arc and Ryan's are are so heartbreaking, and there were so many times that I wanted to reach into the story and give Dallon a hug. So many tragedies in this story, and not all of them solved. I don't have any empathy for Brendon's parents in this story, but I feel so hard for his siblings, and for Marc. I just wish they knew. This story is so heartbreaking and yet so happy. Will play with your emotions like they're a shiny new toy.--

Filthy Lucre (10/10)

~362k words

Ryan Ross is living the American wet dream. He’s rich, he’s good looking, he gets paid just to turn up at parties and he spends his days drinking, doing drugs and climbing into bed with eager and willing boys and girls. His parents and PA beg him to quit, and his brother turns up his noise at his destructive lifestyle, but Ryan is desperate to sink into the void, escape the memories of what his father's friend did to him when he was fifteen.

Brendon Urie is a man bordering on desperation. He whores himself out to millionaire bankers and CEOs to fund his boyfriend's heroin addiction and pay off his ungrateful father's medical bills. Things could be worse, though. He's lucky enough to have a roof over his head, to be living with the love of his life, to no longer have to hook on the street, but instead be privileged enough to turn tricks in the wealthy circles of Wall Street and Goldman Sachs.

Where a broken boy meets another broken boy, and falls in love.

--Normally, I would never recommend an unfinished fic, let alone fic that hasn't been updated in four years, unless it was it was so good and so engaging that it made me literally scream. Trust me when I say that you have not experienced true hatred until you read this fic. I have literally never hated a character more in my entire life, and I know who Dolores Umbridge is, for reference. The best thing about this fic, in my opinion, is that the characters, whether good guys or bad guys, do evil. And they do it on purpose. Because the characters feel and act as though they're real, and real people fucking suck.--

The Black Rose Season (8/10)

~158k words

Ryan Ross' life is essentially over when his scholarship is inexplicably cancelled and he will be forced to pay his way through school. As a young, broke college student, Ryan is desperate to find cash fast, but to no avail. Just when he thinks all hope is lost, a mysterious benefactor promises to pay his tuition in full, on one condition: Ryan is infiltrate Sigma Chi Beta, the most prestigious and cultish fraternity that Swan University has to offer. And if, by some miracle, Ryan succeeds, his mission is clear:

Befriend Brendon Urie, fellow Swan Sigma, and, more importantly, alleged leader of Sigma Chi Beta's secret society, which might not even exist. He is to document his findings, and send them to his benefactor. One small problem though: Brendon fucking hates his guts.

--Did I mention that Anna Green owns my ass? Because Anna Green owns my ass. This one is so fleshed out, and there are some moments where it really spikes you in the chest. Every time that Patrick comes onto the page, my interest piques, and I remember That One Scene™ that completely changed my perspective of him (You'll understand once you read). Besides... college AU? Secret societies? Betrayal? Enemies to lovers? Sexual tension? Need I say more?--

I have more fics to recommend if you guys like this list, so tell me if you want more fic recs

[askovertherainbowblog]

Do you ever feel like your government is actively working to institute a theocracy right under your very nose, and all anyone can seem to do is tweet? (I’m not knocking the art of the well-placed tweet, by the way. Case and point the account pictured above.)

Here’s what’s going on in my part of the world, which is Alberta (Commonly known as the bible belt of Canada):

The recently elected UCP (United Conservative Party #UnderHisEye) has, by its inaction, effectively canceled a work group dedicated to eradicating the insidious and abusive practice of “reparative” therapy for LGBT+ persons. Minister of Health Tyler Shandro has claimed on twitter that he told the group they were welcome to continue meeting. However, according to Emma Graney of the Edmonton Journal, his office released a statement that “The working group has disbanded with the change in govt.” AKA, they’re pretending the group (which included a survivor of conversion therapy) doesn’t merit focus because conversion therapy/torture “doesn’t happen here.”

If you dig a little deeper, you’ll see this simply isn’t true. Of course, nobody is coming right out and calling their services conversion therapy. That would be bad PR. The practice is couched in the language of soul-searching, healing trauma, and respecting individual faith. Alberta survivor Kevin Schultz was undergoing private faith-based counseling to realign his sexual orientation as late as 2007. Journey Canada, formerly Living Waters, which claims to help folks “experience Jesus in their sexuality” (kinky?) still operates across Canada.

If anyone is in doubt, the Human Rights Campaign and the Canadian Psychology Association can shed light on why conversion therapy/counseling of any kind is deeply damaging and can even be life-threatening.

The previous NDP government at least gave the appearance of caring about the LGBT community. The UCP gives the appearance of wanting to give the appearance of caring. In any case, I kind of wonder, why not just oh I don’t know BAN CONVERSION THERAPY AS IF WE WERE A CIVILIZED 21ST CENTURY SOCIETY? The UCP certainly hasn’t shied away from taking bold action on controversial issues (eg. lowering minimum wage for minors like a bunch of literal cartoon Scrooge McDucks).

This conversion therapy fustercluck is one move in an alarmingly swift series of policy change plans the UCP has begun rolling out since April of this year. They have also pledged to remove key protections afforded to GSA’s (Gay-Straight Alliances, common “safe space” organizations for LGBT students found in secondary schools). This means teachers could, at their own discretion, be permitted to notify parents if their child joins a GSA. This would obviously defeat the whole purpose of GSA’s and put children at greater risk of abuse at home.

When urged to consult experts on why this was such a monumental mistake, and questioned about the purpose of his party’s decision, premier Kenney had this to say:

"I think it would be very rare [for parents to be notified]," Kenney said. "Probably only [when] dealing with very young kids or kids with unique emotional and mental health challenges."

AKA, he has no idea what the repercussions could be and is speaking in “likelihoods” like some kind of fiendish gremlin under a bridge, desperate to grant you three wishes whose loopholes will ruin your life. (PS: Back in 2006 Kenney bragged about working to repeal a spousal law that allowed gay men to visit their dying partners in the hospital during the AIDS crisis. So that’s the attitude we’re dealing with here.)

If you’re curious about what other draconian policies the UCP has lurking just around the corner you can read up on their full platform, which includes such gems as scrapping the carbon tax, pausing the K-12 curriculum review, pushing for more private health care options, and something ominously called the “climate war room.”

If you, like me, are having some serious Handmaid’s Tale flashbacks right now, you’re not being overdramatic. The erosion of minority and women’s rights at the hands of backsliding democracies worldwide is not some fad. It’s a real thing that is happening all around us while shiny apps are being pelted at us as a distraction.

So let’s move on to what can actually be done. Before I list some ideas, I want to cover a few key points. We’re often advised, as constituents of a district or riding, to take action by writing to our political representatives! Here’s why I think that’s a waste of time: the current political climate is extremely polarized. It’s a buzzword because it’s true. If your MLA is conservative, and you write them a letter urging them to see things your bleeding-heart liberal way... well, why would they care? You’re not even a part of the voter base they’re targeting, and they know it. They don’t need your support. Alberta voters skew overwhelmingly right-wing already.

My advice is to follow the money.

A PAC (Political Action Committee) is an organization that pools campaign contributions from members and donates them to campaigns for or against candidates or legislation. Shaping Alberta’s Future is a PAC whose stated aim is to promote a conservative Alberta with Kenney at the helm. In 2018, they raised a whopping $170,000 in two weeks to fund UCP ads. Their financial disclosure documents are pretty lengthy and can be confusing if you don’t know what you’re looking for. That’s why I’ve broken down the info into a list of the major 5-figure contributors, all (you’ll be bowled over with shock to learn) men, most of them members of the Motor Dealership of Alberta for some reason.

For those of us who live in Alberta/Canada, that means we can do the following:

HERE is a link to a form letter addressing major donors to Shaping Alberta’s Future, politely urging them to bring matters of LGBT youth safety to the government’s attention.

HERE is a link to a list of specific donors, their contact information, and contribution amounts. This info can be filled into the indicated sections on the above letter.

Simply print, sign, and mail the letters to the addresses provided. Postage should be fairly inexpensive but if it’s an issue, take a photo of your signed letter and Canada Post receipt and I’ll etransfer you the value of your postage (within reason, guys!). If you can’t access Google drive, I’ll copy the letter to you by whatever method you prefer.

If you’d like to add information to the above list, or offer a correction, please message us or email askovertherainbowblog@gmail.com.

Additional things you can do (from anywhere):

Spreading the word always helps. Set up an email list or reddit thread. If you’re Albertan, print ten extra letters and ask a few friends to sign them. Pride month is just around the corner: bring a sheaf of letters with you to a parade and throw them in the air like confetti. (You’ll probably get some free condoms for your trouble; nice!)

Donations are not possible for everyone but if they’re possible for you, Youthsafe.net has a list of organizations that could use your support.

Stay vigilant. Read full articles covering both sides of the issues you’re investigating, and investigate in turn the veracity of your sources. Read posts from people you don’t agree with and, as infuriating as it is to have your person-hood invalidated by pseudo-scientific doctrine, pause to digest other points of view before formulating a vitriolic response. I’m not advising moderation (fuck moderation) but I am advising strategy.

Pursue local involvement. It’s tough to sit in front of a news cast in rural Canada and watch women in Alabama have their reproductive rights stripped from them, knowing a small donation to the ACLU is probably the most you can do short of upending your life to go on a march, and that won’t even move the needle much. But everyone, everywhere where voting happens, can march into a town hall and make their voice heard when it comes to the bullshit in their own community. The people around you want to get involved; they’re just not sure how to do it. Give them a means and they’ll stand beside you!

xoxo

[iliveinmyblanket]

Chapter one: I introduce you to my hoes

"fuck" I screamed, as I faked an orgasm for an Orangists in Holland. 

My name is Valentine Du Lac and I have the attention span of a goldfish. I’m Queen Anne of Austria, the spanish queen of france’s personal but probably not favourite spy (everybody knows that it was Madame D’Artagnan), quite frankly because I am a right pain in her arse. But I’m still often the one she sends out on a missions - no one’s going to care if a prostitute from the Court of Miracles has gone missing. She’s never said that, but it’s implied with the job.

The Job:  I was here to be the orangist’s lover and listen in on his conversations or force myself to listen in. Believe it or not Traditionalists are the most boring people I've ever met, which is funny because I've had to spend hours listening to Lucy Walters who invented the word ditzy. 

I'm gonna just give you a summary of me and Orange dutchman conversation. I forgot his name so I've just been replying to him as "sir" because quite frankly I don't have the attention span to care about man who assassinated some himbo named Johan DeWitt and his brother something deWitt -forgot his name to. I remember Johan because I like the name Johan, oh it's cornelis - see that's why I didn't remember it -what kind of pretentious name is cornelis? 

Anyway my job here was to get information, there was none, mainly because he already assassinated someone so he could stage a coup.

not really anything important. which really pissed me off, Anne really got freaked out by orange dutchman who were assassinating people and also got tipped off that traditionalists were heading to france.

which is bull. 

which is good because I don't ever have to see Orange Dutchman again.

Orange Dutchman gripped my hair, sniffing my neck and whispered, "will I see you again?"

A gave him a soft but fake smile, "of course sir"

No you won't, if you do, I will give you the deWitt treatment.

I smiled, kissed his cheek, and fucked off.

As you can tell I'm not one for too much detail in regards to things I don't care about.

All I am going to say is this is the story of how I and  two other bosses - Dominique Treville and Marie-Cessette Du Vallon; basically saved europe with our strength, swords, witty banter and aided by two himbos named Xandre and Raoul. 

get ready for adventure because we make it look bitchin'.

While I was heading back home, Dominique Treville - the daughter of the captain of the musketeer was also heading over there very quickly after reading a rather scary letter. whilst Marie-Cessette du Vallon already there she too lived at my home but had returned from a meeting with one member of the royal family. she  was now at the tavern with her fellow musketeers - Raoul de la Fare and Alexandre-Olivier D'artagnan. Marie-Cessette was the first female musketeer and one of the best of them.

now technically the home I am talking about is Paris, but you have to look inside further. not at the shiny places, not at the places that appear lively. I mean the place that looks dark, that looks broken. Look into the place that appears to be to be lifeless, but when you turn off the lights at the places that are seen to outshine everything. The place that is broken lights up like the sun.

The Court of Miracles.

The Court of Miracles is said to be the slums, the dirtiest part of Paris. that's according to the richest of Parisians. the court of miracles is the most interesting place in france, full of people of different races, of different accents, different appearances.  the most welcoming place in europe. though the structures were unstable, the society is most happy, most beautiful. see you were never judged for your job, or who you are, or what you did outside - as long as you didn't bring too much of that inside.

My mother moved from england after the english civil war, I was 16 years old, she was a whore just as I am now - puritan england was no place for a prostitute and her  out-of-wedlock daughter. She died a year later of syphilis, leaving a poor daughter penniless. 

So what does a daughter of a prostitute do, when their mother dies.

Becomes a fucking prostitute.

As opposed to non-fucking prostitutes. Years later a dark haired woman, with a blue dress and a black hooded, guided me to the palace and introduced me to the benevolent queen of france. it was suggested that I become her spy as I had caught the eye of many religious and royal officials. a women can never escape the male gaze, so why not use that to your advantage.

Marie-Cessette, whom was was an adventurous, resourceful girl, with a temper, and the first female musketeer. she was opinionated and did speak up when she didn't  agree with the men in her life. it's surprising neither of us became executed for being witches, men do not like being told what to do even if they are being outrageously pathetic. This night, this less than fine night because the sky was fucking pissing itself, Marie-Cessette was leaving a tavern in the court, she wore a white linen shirt, a blue leather doublet with the musketeers symbol (a crown) and black linen breeches with blue boots, and probably something gay like "I am gay" or "if found please return to Anne-Marie D'Orleans" I wasn't there, I'm under the assumption she was wearing that, that night considering that is the musketeers uniform not the “I am gay” part although they should have that as the uniform. Marie-Cessette had brown curly hair (proper curly, not some movie bullshit curly) that was short and tied in a bun.

Her eyes are dark and watchful. she was leaving to go to her uncle Aramis (not by blood but by heart).

Her father is the Musketeer Porthos du Vallon, who grew up in the court. he joined the musketeers when he 16. that was his only good choice out of the thousand terrible options for those born into destitution. That's where he met Aramis and Athos, the three of them becoming inseparable. that's where he met D'Artagnan -Xan's father, actually no he met D'Artagnan when D'Artagnan decided to stir shit up and duel three musketeers in one day. but that's another story, literally another story, literally in another book.

her mother Puce is known as the queen of the court, that means basically giving those in the court food and shelter, kicking people out that are stirring up trouble.

Puce and Porthos never had a son so even though Marie was to inherit the court of miracles crown, she was trained as a musketeer because Porthos wanted to raise one. did Marie get a choice? no? is she happy beating up misogynists? hella.

This girl that fought better than the manliest of men (although I wouldn't actual call them manly) was heading to her uncle Aramis, why? so he could deliver a love letter to Marie-Cessette's lover - Anne-Marie D'Orleans, the king's cousin.

so yeah isn't that like superillegal? yeah, not the homo part, I mean it is a bit. but like not as vibe checking as bedding the king's cousin when she is female.

guys be fucking whoever they want, but girls ArE ToO FrAgIlE aNd HaVE a ROle.

Meanwhile we go back to Dominique.  now Dominique she has had some pretty fucking horrible news.

Dominique Treville was the brunette usually snarky daughter of Treville, the captain of the musketeers. now nothing is snarky, everything for her is humourless. this morning Dominique had received news that  Treville had been murdered by the musketeer Aramis.

which as you can see is definitely not the case, why the fuck would Aramis the himbo who invented the word "straight ally" kill someone who he sees as a father?

he wouldn't.

But a girl who lived in the country with no knowledge of Aramis doesn't know. you probably shouldn't tell her that when she's a holding a fucking knife.

"put down the knife or you lose your neck"

Dominique turned slightly, noticing the blade that sat on her shoulder and centimetres away from her neck, while Dominique was standing over the Aramis who was sleeping

"he killed my father, so I wouldn't be protecting the murderer" Dominique replied agitated, she was in layman's term is done. with. everyone's. shit.

Marie-cessette - who was the owner of the blade had no Idea Dominique had another knife

Dominique batted the rapier away with said knife and pointed it at Marie.

If you want to understand how much of a boss Marie is, well just understand if she were to ever do a DNA test, it would show she's a hundred percent that bitch.  She grabbed Dominique's knife and punched her in the gut, then kicked her in the shins, Marie-Cessette proceeded to pick up her Rapier, as she did so, Dominique ran at her with her knife.

Aramis shot up from his bed and grabbed his rapier, held it against Dominique's neck and then held her in a choke hold.

"cessy, what in the lord's name is going on?" He grumbled sleepily.

Marie-Cessette shrugged and rolled her eyes as if to say that she did not have time for this shit.

"she says ya killed her pa?" she replied, swinging her sword aimlessly around.

"oh he a criminal? let me guess? " Aramis started and turned Dominique around so he could analyse her. "gang?  organised crime. has to be, you are clearly not parisian. too muscly, not pale enough. if I killed your father, then it was for a good reason"

Dominique scowled, bawling her hands into a fist as her nails dug into her palms. her breath increased in a mix of anger and fear.

"what good reason do you have for killing the captain of the musketeers!" Dominique roared.

The outburst caused a wave of deep silence. Marie's eyes dropped, she dropped her rapier. Aramis let go of Dominique and fell onto his bed.

Marie ran to him, to hold him.

"Treville, he...can't" Aramis cried hyperventilating, "no..he..."

Marie grabbed his face, which was flooding with tears, "don't speak"

Dominique was now fighting a war, either this was rather well planned or Dominique had been tricked. But Dominique was smart, there was no fakery in those tears (it wasn’t a youtube apology video afterall). 

Dominique dropped down, kneeling at the bed looking up at the sobbing man.

"you didn't kill him?"

Aramis shook his head, "he was a father to me, a father to paris."

Dominique banged her fists against the floor, and started to scream.

"who the fuck killed him then!" she yelled and ran out of the housing unit.

Marie started to follow her.

"cessy?" Aramis piped up as she started to exit.

"yeah mon oncle?" She replied solemnly.

"keep her safe, it's the least we can do to honour his memory." He asked her, before lying back on the bed and staring at the ceiling.

"I think she can handle safety on her own." she whispered.

"she can fight I'll admit." Aramis touched an etching on the wall, "but her recklessness will be a burden on her life."

Marie nodded and left the unit. She watched the girl with dusty hair. The daughter of treville was wearing a red corset, a dark, blue dress that fell to her knees, and black knee high boots, she wore a red tricorn hat. Dominique cut angrily up an apple with one of her knives.

"I want to help you!" Marie called.

Dominique rolled her eyes and launched a knife into a pole that was rather close to Marie's head. 

"thank you. " Marie sighed, grumpily. "I said I want to help you, not burden you. so stop being a bitch."

Dominique twiddled the other knife in her hand, "excuse me?"

Marie pulled the knife out of the pole, "you are the one throwing the knife at me. besides my mother, my father, your father helped build this citadel, are you sure you want to honour his memory by throwing blades into its foundations, and insult my family legacy." Marie shouted, despite not caring for family legacy.

"so what do you suppose I do then?" Dominique threw the apple off the balcony. "I'm back to square one."

"not if you let me help you" Marie replied, she flipped the knife and handed it to Dominique, "I'll take you to lieutenant D'artagnan, he can help us."

Dominique let out a deep exhale, and took the knife.

"I didn't get your name" Dominique said.

"Marie-Cessette Du Vallon" Marie held out her hand.

"Dominique Treville." Dominique took it and they shook.

"now let's get you to D'artagnan" Marie said, "oh and pick up that apple, rotten food is how sickness spreads, you heathen."

Dominique was rather sure that was not going to be the last time she was called a heathen.

Now it's for Xan and I's story. We a lot funkier.

[electronicdelusionstarlight]

Anyway, would you imagine the madness that would be the Civil War (2006) Event if it was released today?

Like...

1- There is a major explosion wiping out a suburban, white picked american town in the midwest, explosion started right next to a school, caused by a team of C List superheroes literally attacking a group of B list Supervillains, who were having a barbecue there for some reason, just to get more ratings on their reality show rather than any heroic duty. Many people die, mostly kids due to the school, and we see the bloody aftermath. Even the Sentinels, compared to burning crosses in terms of racial sensitivity by Wolverine, help out to fish out people from the debris.

2- Because of this, major Anti Superhero Sentiments start sprouting up in the country. One of the victims’ mother (A major player in the event believe it or not) spits on Tony Stark’s face. The Human Torch gets lynched by some black stereotypes because he was allowed to go into a exclusive nightclub with a white girl due to his celebrity status and they weren’t, major protests start going trough the nation, all demanding SOMETHING to be done against those pesky superheroes, As monuments are being torn down and what not, as ALL superheroes, as a social class, at fault for what has happened there during the explosion.

3- This brings us to the Government Regulation Thing, THE Superhero Registration Program. Maria Hill, who wasn’t a Skrull Chaos Agent and has never been (It’s important you remember this), announces to Captain America that the... senate? chamber? Anyway, someone is going to approve this new law (Which, you know, isn’t law yet btw) that will require all superheroes to have their Identity revealed to the public and become paid government workers. They get a pension and health insurance and insurance for any collateral damage they cause as long as they do what they are told and do not step out of line.

You know, Normal, TOTALLY not fascist shit.

4- Anyway, Cap obviously is outraged by this, for “How Long until it will be Washington that tells us who the real villain is” (Which is, you know, SUPER RELEVANT), and claims will never sign up for any of this, which Maria Hill, who, again, is not a Undercover Skrull Chaos Agent, knew he was going to say so she tries to arrest him for breaking a law that isn’t a law yet, unleashing plenty of armed guards and a couple of attack helicopters on him. She fails, he runs away, and the other superheroes are presented with a choice.

CONFORM OR BE HUNTED DOWN LIKE DOGS.

5- If you think this was bad prepare for the real bad shit to start now, because you have to keep in mind this:

The registration side are the supposed good guys here. They are what the narrative consider to be the one who win at the end, whose ideals were better than Captain Fucking America’s. Keep this in mind as you read this:

6- The Major 3 players of the Registration Side are Tony Stark, Mister Fantastic and Hank Pym.

6A- Tony Stark is a war criminal. He tries to stage a terrorist attack on Independent Nation Atlantis, using a “Mind Controlled” Norman Osborn (More on this later) to pull the trigger, so he could both kill Namor and start war with the underwater kingdom, whose Non Namor Rulers will surely try to get revenge against the surface for such happenings, sell weapons during the ensuing war, AND unite the divided superhero community against a common enemy, in this case, Atlantis.

Tony Stark is also responsible for the Supervillain Rehabilitation Program, which is taking willing and unwilling supervillains alike and putting bombs in their brains, ready to blow up at a sign of disobedience, so to use as enforcers for the registration side. Many of those villains have a kill count on the double digits. Many of those villains where later deployed in hunt down and capture missions of Superheroes who had defected, superheroes they all had a hate boner for and loved nothing more but to beat up and potentially kill/maim. One of the fucking Hobgoblins was among them. BULLSEYE WAS FUCKING AMONG THEM.

He manipulated Spider-Man into revealing his identity to the world, something that caused major Bullshit to everyone involved, for, once Spider-Man realized what kind of bullshit he had signed up for and decided to go rogue, Tony first hacks the stark patented supersuit he gave him as a gift so it malfunctions, then sends 2 bloodthirsty supervillains armed to the teeth with explosives and with bombs in their brain to capture him and rough him up a little, then removes peter’s wife and aunt from the family protection/hostage program, which forces them to hide out in a crappy motel in fear that one day a supervillain discovers where they are and bombs them, which guess what is what fucking happens in the end since a sniper finds out they are there and shoots Aunt May, which is what ultimately leads to the worst story in comic book history ONE MORE (FUCKING) DAY.

6B- Reed “Mister Fantastic” Richards is presented by the narrative as emotionally distant and abusive to his wife. He will, with the help of Tony Stark and Hank Pym, create a mechanical clone of Thor, who was absent from earth at the time, with the sole purpose of crowd control and dispersion in the event of a superhero vs superhero fight.

Lethal Force is apparently authorized and approved, for The first mission he is deployed in, Clone-Thor, the clone of a bloody Norse god, ends up Killing Black Goliath, a black superhero, something not contested, in fact almost condoned by the narrative and the registration side, and both the reason why Spider-Man defects and a Hydra Scientist (Oh, yeah, they also conscript Hydra Scientists in the thing so tho create more bio weapons and shit) finds the reason why he considers those three his favorite superheroes.

Also Reed Richards is a McCarthy apologist. He talks about this one uncle of his, a artist, who was considered a communist and was put on trials for having left leaning, liberal views/just being a plain weird artist (I think he was also gay coded?), and he says how he mocked the question and the absurdity of the whole situation in particular and McCarthyism in general, which ultimately blacklists him from work and makes him die alone and without money, so Reed Fucking Richards of course said that the moral of that story is that “My uncle was wrong, If there is a law that might seem unjust, you shouldn’t be down to clown but you should just shut your mouth and keep going.”

The Fucker.

6C- Hank Pym starts a fucking child soldiers conscription program. Teen Superheroes discovered by shield will be captured and separated from their families, Identical Robotic Decoys put in their place to prevent the families from finding out, and will be conscripted into the registration program as child soldiers.

They will be given a usa army approved regiment of training, and will be soon deployed on real, life or death missions, either involving the capture of rogue superheroes or fighting “enemy” forces such as AIM or HYDRA, what the government seems more fit to fight at the time.

The Kids, for ages seemed to vary from 15 to 19, will be trained and encouraged to kill, especially if faced with faceless hydra goons as they blast down their aircraft in a dog fight in the skies. This will of course scar and traumatize the, again, 15 years old government sanctioned child FUCKING soldiers, but not as much as the alternative to this.

For, as it is shown, failure to comply with orders, as well as emotional instability due to being, you know, a 16 years old girl in stressful situations such as, you know, a guy turning into a giant spider in front of you, will cause the government to “terminate” your employment under them, which will result in them forcibly taking away your powers, most of whom you were born with, with invasive, unwilling, non sedated surgery on you, as it happens to a girl whose arm is a literal magic gun who had her, you know, magic arm cut off after she accidentally misfired and kills another of the kids watching from the, you know, not that safe watching room not even a glass mirror away from the training room.

No wonder the girl whose superpower is literally just “can make pretty clouds with her mind” is so eager to kill as many people the government as her to after being conscripted while she was just flying around on her cloud and has to witness... you know, all of this shit.

6C- Maria Hill, Director of Shield and, again, not a fucking Skrull Chaos Agent, starts hunting down unregistered superheroes. Any superhero that didn’t sign up the registration list at least on the exact midnight of the day the law is made law, will be hunted down and forcibly imprisoned without a due process.

This happens to Luke Cage, who, again, on the exact midnight the law is enforced, not a minute more, had his apartment swarmed up with cops in tactical gear ready to “arrest him” despite him doing nothing yet, all the while shooting around the, you know, predominantly black neighbor like they are the Simpsons’ Texan guy. His wife and newborn daughter are also hunted down, the two fleeing to Canada, a safe heaven for superheroes and their families in this time of crisis, for undefended families of superheroes become leverage the registration side can use against them to make them sign up, for at some point a superhero must have revealed his identity to another superhero, another superhero that will statistically be either on the registration side snitching on you, or, you know, a Undercover Skrull Chaos Agent, if not both.

Captured heroes are shipped off to a private prison owned by Tony Stark and his goons in the Negative Zone (Think hell, but more depressing), where they will be interned without, again, any semblance of due process, and will be fucking kept in torture pod of virtual reality for the entirety of their stay. They will not be allowed any contact with the other inmates, or even to feed, relieve or just wash themselves, everything will be done by the pods, so that they will be in eternal, perfect imprisonment until they “see the error of their ways”.

Somewhat worse than the Barry Allen’s private prison in the Flash, if only by just a little.

Some brain washing was also implied to happen.

7- Cap’s Side is, of course, against all of this, yet it will be Cap’s side to lose the civil war, for , when Captain America is pummeling Tony to the ground for everything that has been going on in the middle of a devastated time square, some REAL WORLD HEROES (You know, a cop, a nurse, a fireman, and so on), tackle Steve to the ground, blame HIM for everything wrong that has happened, and ask him to stop in his futile resistance.

Statistically Speaking, at least 2 of those people were a Skrull Chaos Agents BTW.

Steve “sees the error of his ways,” surrenders to the police, is about to be given a sham process (He gets one but fucking daredevil, a lawyer, doesn’t as he’s shipped off to Tony’s Hell Prison? I guess there is a upside on getting arrested by the program in front of witnesses that you cannot all silence) until Sharon Carter shoots him on the steps to the courtroom because he was being mind controlled by a undercover hydra hypnotist that might or might have not been conscripted by the “let’s conscript supervillain scientists in the registration program, WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?” thing.

8- Also Hawkeye comes back to life for a bit and is immediately almost manipulated by Tony into taking the Captain America’s role after Steve's death, except this time working for the registration side against his friends, which he ALMOST accepts because he doesn't know what the fuck is going on yet but he trusts tony until he meets Hawkeye (The girl one) and Patriot during his first mission as Registration Cap who tell him “Duuuuude, Steve’s body isn’t even cold yet, what the fuck” which makes him go “Holy shit Tony, what the fuck?” and make him decide to abandon the shield and shit and lay low for a while.

9- Oh, yeah, also this happens:

(Recognize that journalist? Is the same journalist that gives Hydra Cap a interview about how inhumane Hydra was during their regime, the one he sends to the labor camps and mocks with “I’m sure you can complain about it on Twitter later.” That wasn’t just a dig at the (Justified, oh so justified) detractors of Hydra Cap on social medias, but also a dig at THIS. FUCKING. SCENE. THAT WILL LIVE IN INFAMY FOR ALL DAY TO COME, FOR CAPTAIN AMERICA IS OUT OF TOUCH WITH THE REAL AMERICA BECAUSE HE DOESN'T USE MY FUCKING SPACE).

10- What else what else... Oh, yeah, everyone favorite absolute monarch T’challa, King of Wakanda and Black Panther, married with X-Men’s Storm at the time, X-Man that, btw, have been pretty much neutral during this whole shitstorm due to, you know, the “genocide” they recently suffered by the hands and mystical powers of one Wanda Maximoff, both of whom have diplomatic immunity due to the, you know, status as the rulers of a hyper advanced nation who holds the cure for cancer among other things, has his wife taken hostage by the united states. They go to the united states on a joint diplomatic mission, and are promptly ambushed and kept grounded in the states, separated from each other, until at least Ororo signs the registration program, T’challa having to follow closely behind, and then they will be allowed to be let go.

Again, I can’t stress this enough, The United States try to strong arm 2 foreign rulers, one of whom a mutant, into signing up a domestic policy about domestic internal affairs of public security.

Because of course they do.

10- I think I forgot some minor shit happening like speedball’s entire arc or Wolverine’s revenge plan or the Latverian Caper, but I think the gist of WHY this bullshit would have blown up today is all here.

For you see, now, imagine all this shit all the implications, the crimes, the horrors and stuff...

Just Imagine, all this shit is going on... with a Secret Invasion of Skrull Chaos Agent coming soon to shake thing even more...

And the president of the united states, the one that, again, ultimately will decide who the REAL enemy is, where the real supervillain to fight is...

Is Donald Fucking Trump.

How long until the superhero child soldiers are tasked to guard the border I wonder...