#Posts that are incoherent without context I fear

[adhdo5]

Do you ever think about how when Jin Guangyao dies Lan Xichen is trapped in Cloud Recesses forever.

[magnuspanoptes]

Hello! I'm relistening to tma and absolutely loving your blog, your posts, observations and audio edits (Me and the devil gave me goosebumps, I'm not kidding. It's perfect). I was wondering what you thought about the finale? You probably talked about it and I simply haven't reached that particular post yet, but I'm wondering if you consider it to be thematically fitting or not

I didn't actually listen to the last season beyon the first couple of episodes. I was busy by then and never got around to it. But I've read the summary and I've seen that in the end they had two choices: Jon becomes the Eye and keeps watch as the world extinguishes around him, taking his friends and, hopefully, the fears with it, or they open a door to another world (killing Jon in the process although I'm not sure why or how, but I trust they must) and drag the fears there, freeing their world and surviving but dooming unseen others. I'd have loved if what took place was the first choice, and I think it would have been thematically fitting, except it would have almost been a good ending, no? The fears (probably) defeated, even though the price is everyone's life. But the second is also very fitting with just, humanity, and the actions of the characters up until that point (the woman in the cave begging the buried to "take her not me, take her not me") the actions of Johna, the need to survive. So I was curious about your thoughts

Apologies for the lenght

thank you 💜 i'm always very happy to hear people like the edits

about the finale, they had this trolley problem-esque scenario where they could either let jon ascend to godhood and speed up the end of the world which would starve all the fears, or take annabelle cane's bargain of reversing the apocalypse by releasing the fears into infinite universes. jon didn't need to die for the second option to work, they were just told to kill jonah and burn down the institute. it's difficult to talk about the thematic relevance of either choice without further context, so i'm going to bring up some s5 plot details. the big one being that the web had orchestrated the events leading up to the apocalypse (they had this planned since MAG 1, it's very obvious on a re-listen), it was in their interest for the eye's ritual to occur, and the eye's ritual is jon, so it was in their interest to have jon marked. they directly interfere with almost all of his s4 marks while elias is in prison. but the broader implication of this was that the web was revealed to be The Narrative. the tapes belonged to them and the tapes are the frame device of the podcast. i think on paper this is a very clever bit of metatexutal story choice, especially since they were aiming for a tragedy, and this has that precise sense of tragic inevitability to it, that this was always going to happen, because they were never going to escape the trappings of the narrative.

so what happens in the finale is that everyone agrees to go with annabelle's offer, except for jon (well he agrees to it and then runs off to do his own thing) he climbs the panopticon in MAG 200 with the intent to kill jonah and replace him as the pupil of the eye, he successfully achieves the first bit and then martin walks in to reveal he told the others to go ahead with their plan before time so jon's prevented from crawling into the eye. they end up releasing the fears. i don't think this is thematically incoherent, part of their thesis was that there's nothing more human than making the decision to doom someone else—hundreds of people, an entire world—for personal salvation. it's why plenty of people chose to become avatars. it's what jonah did. it's what he hear from a lot of statement-givers, lost john's cave is that, yeah, but also MAG 29 cheating death. they didn't fix anything, they just passed it over. so it's an appropriately cynical ending (not entirely. the last words are, "good luck", that was another bit of thesis. that the stacks are against you but you have to Try). so on paper this works. i personally hated it lol because i think 1) the web multiverse reveal comes too late. like way too late. like literally three episodes before the finale. 2) it's comically rushed. one minute jon's telling him, "sorry i have to do this." (and this is while martin's audibly tearing up and having a little breakdown. jon's not even slightly moved by this) but two minutes later it's, "i love you martin cut the tether <3" it's just not effective. 3) the emotional thrust of the finale largely hinged on whether or not you cared about jonmartin and brother (gn) i did not. and 4) the horror of it happens out of sight. we're told those countless universes they doomed are Real but it's just presented as a statistic to us, they're not narratively real the same way their world is, and i can't be horrified by a statistic. and finally 5) i'm a very jon-centric guy in my reading of the podcast, i enjoy the thematic implications of the first choice a lot more because of what they would mean for his character.

the thing about the first five minutes of 200 is that it's jon's personal attempt to escape the grasp of the fears. avatarhood in the podcast is about the transformative nature of trauma and this is the basis of jon's story arc. marking is not this nebulous collect these 14 scars level up into the archive type of thing, marking is about being traumatised, and trauma is about being rendered helpless because of the application of force: through violence inflicted by another person or the environment. so in the first four seasons of the podcast jon has his mind and body continuously violated and is made abjectly helpless, it's in the way elias says he had to "instill in [jon] a powerful and acute fear for their life" and that can only be achieved by making jon experience a total loss of control in each encounter. my favourite bit of podcast writing on this theme is the way a guest for mr spider sets him up for future marks (here and here), so jon's story is a trauma narrative and jon's story is about agency and the lengths he will go to get back some semblance of control. he's a survivor who will later become a perpetrator. s4 is very sharp about this, jon exercising his abilities is about power, it feels good precisely because he gets to be the one in control for once, and not the one being victimised. they continue this in season five when he begins seeking out every avatar who marked him. and this is not framed as a righteous thing because revenge doesn't really bring the catharsis that is desired, doesn't undo the harm that was done. jon giving into his urges here is not a straightforward narrative of ascension, it's actively destructive to him and we see this reach its peak in 200 which is a suicide wish. he went in there to play out a revenge suicide fantasy. he was just told that his entire life has been a set up for the apocalypse, that his body was made an object, a vessel for all that horror and violence by jonah and the web for the completion of their own private goals. choosing to kill the fears is about jon not wanting anyone else to experience his guilt, yes, but it's primarily about the desire to get even. it's very evident in his choice of words, "I will have the satisfaction of knowing that I’ll be leaving these things that you serve trapped and starving in their own private hell.", 160 is jonah's ritual to escape the grasp of fears by dooming the world, 200 is jon's ritual. and it IS a ritual, it seeks to transform the world in a manner that "[would] remake that physical reality into something closer to itself. [fear entity] wants to make this world its own." and the specific fear this serves is the extinction! remaking their world into a lifeless void is how peter lukas describes the extinction, how jon speaks of his intentions to jonah, (read the transcript dialogue in this post before continuing), i suspect that's one of their scrapped plotlines. i don't think this would've been a hopeful ending. he's willingly, lucidly killing an entire world (including his friends) this is an incredible, tragic low for jon. and is the final step that allows him to symbolically take jonah's place in the narrative (x) and crucially. i don't think it would've worked out the way he wanted it to. what i'm imagining here is that like jonah, jon's attempt would've also ultimately proven unsuccessful because that's another thing about the magnus archives universe, you cannot extricate yourself from that cycle of existentially meaningless violence.

and it's pretty easy to see what would've happened here, his attempt to choke the fears dry ends up birthing another fear and reallyyy interesting possibility here of jon himself being the final fear, his "I wonder if they’re even capable of fearing their own ends. I look forward to finding out." makes me lean towards this, because see, as an avatar he's functionally a fear eating vampire who has spent several seasons struggling with his affliction and for his last gambit he hoped to end the forces that have enabled his suffering except it would've led to his final apotheosis into one of them. this essentially gives him the power to subdue the other fears, but it does not bring him the escape he desired. because he's part of that dread power cosmic fear machine now. he's IN CHARGE of it now. this makes a tremendous amount of thematic sense to me (comes at the cost of an entire world) and is an appropriately tragic ending for his character and is also something that would've thwarted the web's role as the master entity as he assumes its place. he finally gets his narrative agency back but in theee worst, most horrifying way possible. compels me.

[raptorific]

I saw your post re: the silver lining to Biden stepping down. I felt relieved to remember that Trump is now the only incoherent old guy in the race. However, the relief quickly subsided when I remembered that Hillary was very well-spoken and polished, if not quite as young as Harris.

Harris fortunately doesn't have quite the same baggage as Hillary, so I'm hoping that will make the difference. What do you think?

*I realize this could sound like I'm trying to agitate, and I'm not, so no need to post if you don't want to.

So, apologies in advance, because I foresee a lot of Words happening in my response here. It's worth getting into because I feel like a lot of what you're bringing up are legitimate fears but also coming more from a place of Anxiety than from an actual pattern forming

First things first, to be clear, my post about Biden stepping aside did not highlight a silver lining in otherwise bad news. Biden stepping aside has been an objective boon to our chances of securing the White House in November. I wasn't saying "this is bad news, but look on the bright side," I was saying "that dread you're feeling is misguided, because this is, in its entirety, good news."

To your point about Hillary Clinton being well-spoken and polished: that's true! She very much was! However, crucially, the 2016 election was not one characterized by a debate over how polished or articulate the candidates were. The reason this can be considered a "shit the bed" moment for Trump is because of a factor that is present in this election, that was not present against Hillary Clinton: in this election, he spent all his time and energy selling himself as the younger, healthier, less senile of the two candidates, and now he's without his primary selling point in the eyes of this election cycle's electorate.

Now, Trump is actually showing signs of severe mental decline while Biden only shows signs of "a speech impediment" and "being over 80" and on a physical level Biden is very obviously much more healthy than him, but nonetheless, through a series of lucky breaks and crafty rhetoric, he was able to sell the public on the idea of Biden being some sort of Corpse Puppet. The reason why that matters is because he successfully sold voters on the concept "someone who is old, who can't get through a sentence, is not fit to be president." That narrative wasn't a factor in 2016, and it is in 2024.

The other important factor to remember about 2016 is the context in which that election happened, and why the dirty tricks and bigotry leveled at Hillary by the right actually worked on the public. Specifically, at the time, we were coming off eight years of a black president, a historic first, who the republicans had spent years and years trying to oust or otherwise discredit, and who was poised to come out of office as a fairly well-respected figure.

Voters have a tendency to view white men as, for lack of a better term, "Default" or "Normal" with no modifiers. Many of the people who voted for Trump were people who had, in reality, no specific problem with a black president, but felt that after eight years it was time to get back to "Normal." They saw Clinton, another huge Historic First as the would-be First Female President, and a lot of them said "no thanks, we just had a president who's African-American, we don't want to switch to one who's Woman-American, let's reset back to a Normal-American (read: White Man) before we do any more Progress, otherwise it'll feel like the world is changing too fast."

There's obviously other factors at play. I'm not denying Clinton had other problems as a candidate, but an overwhelming amount of why she lost was rooted in the electorate's misogyny, and their desire to return to a status quo of a white man-- almost any white man-- with no other Identity Categories, as president. It's why I do think Joe Biden would've handily won the 2016 election, had he chosen to run, but I'm not here to play the what-if game.

It's also worth mentioning, at this stage, that most of the country actually was okay with having a Woman President, and, specifically, with having Hillary Clinton be that woman president-- she received more votes than Trump by the millions-- it was only due to the system-rigging done hundreds of years ago by slavers that he was allowed to become president despite the will of the voters.

So, the reason why this matters: voters tend to like a change, to a certain extent. Barack Obama was largely able to win election in 2008 specifically because he was a young, handsome, charismatic black candidate, who stood in stark contrast to his opponent, an older white guy who just kinda seemed like a redux of the bumbling old white guy everyone already hated as President at the time. Trump won largely because of a pendulum swing away from Historic First Barack Obama being the status quo.

Right now, we've been governed by two Old White Guys for the past eight years, one from each major party. In the 2016 climate, a Historic First, electing a Something-American, was scary and intimidating to a lot of voters. This year, in 2024, we're playing a different ball game: Donald Trump is selling More Of The Same (old white guys who've been in all the elections for the past eight years and who both come across somewhat bumbling) while Kamala Harris is selling a refreshing change of pace (a younger Black and Indian woman who is visibly competent, intelligent, charismatic, and let's not downplay the effect this has on the electorate, attractive).

I maintain that running a female candidate in 2016 was, unfortunately, a political miscalculation. I think that if it had been two straight, christian white guys, the election would've been made about the issues and it would've gone to the democrats. Novelty was a liability for a candidate in 2016. In 2024, "more of the same" is a liability, and novelty could prove the greatest blessing.

Hell, look at how excited people got when Biden dropped out, and suddenly people had something election-related to pay attention to other than "BREAKING NEWS: ELECTION STILL COMING IN NOVEMBER, PROBABLY WILL GO BAD."

To your point about the baggage with Clinton: an important thing to understand is that the Republicans identified her political ambitions as early as the 1980s, and started drafting their "Running against her for President" playbook as soon as Bill was president. They were ready to take her down in 2000 when they worried she'd run, and in 2008 when she was a frontrunner for the nomination, and then finally managed to use it in 2016 when she actually was the nominee. Trump lucked into a showdown with, to re-use a recent analogy, an enemy whose Kryptonite he happened to have inherited.

The misogynist attacks on Hillary Clinton largely worked because they had been thoroughly seeded over the preceding 30 years. Many people, even democrats, really didn't like Hillary, for reasons both Fair and Unfair, and a lot of the people who voted for her were, as the cliche goes, holding their nose and voting blue. A lot of the median swing voters fell hook, line, and sinker for the GOP attacks on her, and either stayed home or voted for the other guy.

As I mentioned in my previous post, they don't have much of a playbook for Kamala Harris. They've done zero preparation for the possibility of her presidential run because they thought they wouldn't have to worry about her until 2028, if at all. They've tried "she laughs weird" but it doesn't really work because people are finding it endearing and because their guy does everything weird. They've tried "she's a childless cat lady" and that offended everyone's casually conservative step-parents and lost them a bunch of support. Trump's campaign has been tripling down on bolstering support of their small but vocal Base, by hammering down on the idea that she's a "far-left radical" but that's just a page out of the playbook they use for everybody, and doesn't really play with anybody who isn't already voting for them.

And, I already hear people typing to remind me not to forget this, they have tried the racist angle, painting her as a "DEI hire" and an "affirmative action vice president," or even claiming she's ineligible to serve because her parents were immigrants. Firstly, again, they're borrowing a failed page from their anti-Obama playbook for that last one, and second, the actually competent republican strategists have been begging the public-facing parts of the party to please stop attacking her on the basis of race and gender, for one simple reason:

Mask-off racism loses you votes. It's why Trump always has to pretend like he cares about "black jobs" and that his problem with immigration is that "Mexico is sending us all their bad hombres" rather than admitting that his problem is just that the people immigrating are Mexican at all. It's why top Republicans spent the past 16 years talking about birth certificates and constitutional eligibility for Obama, instead of just calling him slurs.

You can win voters by saying "we're okay with a black president, but the Democrats are breaking the rules by letting this guy in particular be president, it's not about him being black, it's about him being ineligible." You don't win voters by saying "keep the white house white." The people who that second thing would work on? Already voting republican 100% of the time.

Which is another important reason to have hope here: in 2016, the Republicans were still maintaining the (objectively false) pretense of not being racist. I don't think anything's changed about the Republican party between the Nixon era and today except that now, they say the quiet part loud. They've spent the past eight years systematically eliminating the power-players who maintain the Not Racist masquerade and replacing them with people who will actively say overtly, unabashedly racist shit without pretending it's about something else. It's why the republican strategists keep begging people not to attack her on the grounds of race: it will lose them voters.

That's more or less the short version of my summary of why I think 2024 will go differently than 2016. I hope I'm right. I'm right about a lot more stuff than I'm wrong about, but I'm also wrong about a lot of stuff, so I might not be. Nothing's over until it's over. If you don't want to see a repeat of 2016, go make sure you're registered to vote, and then on Election Day, go vote for Kamala Harris. Either she, or Donald Trump, will become the president at the end of this year. There is no third option that is mathematically capable of happening. If you are legally eligible to vote and physically capable of doing so, voting for Kamala Harris is the only action you can take (including inaction) that can prevent Donald Trump from taking over the country and doing away with any semblance of US Democracy altogether.

We can win this. With all of our help, we will win this. Doomerism on the left benefits nobody but the right. People being genuinely excited from now until November might actually translate into electoral victory.

[athousandbyeol]

discussion #10 (only friends): topboston's car scene is proof that mew IS top's ultimate weakness [episode 3 recap]

it was devastating. that car scene. but aside from the hot and steamy exchange topboston shared in the now-broken car, there are a few things i want to point out in episode 3 (in general), and also the important topboston scene that is the start of top and boston's downfall.

this post was written right after i woke up. therefore, i apologise for the incoherence.

as always, please take my discussion posts with a grain of salt.

let's begin.

mew could've saved top from a (destined) rebound of insecurity

i think mew could've prevented the topboston car sex from happening if he let top stay the night, or at least let him in his room for a while. because we know top was willing to go to lengths just to be the best version of himself to mew. he was willing to change and serve mew whenever he could.

i think, at this point, top's feelings for mew have grown into something quite complex and profound, but his approach is somewhat hesitant and a bit forceful (?) as he insists mew is his boyfriend even though they haven't gone official, especially since mew said they 'aren't boyfriends yet.' nonetheless, it's sad to see top's persistence is only valid when he's trying to prove a point to everyone else but mew. he tried showing this 'mew's my boyfriend'' agenda to mainly, ray, his sole opponent, the trigger of top's insecurity and fear.

however, i also believe, along the line, mew has developed trust in top, possibly thinking top might've become a better person and sensed top's behavioural change (mainly sincerity) after they spent more time together. the silent disco scene was very crucial as the lyrics are a foreshadowing to many things: 1) mew isn't the good guy we (the audience and the friend group, top included) perceived him to be (he didn't sing some parts of the song, will be explained after this), and 2) top's death, even though i despise entertaining the idea there will be main character death in p'jojo's works, instead of thinking of this as literal death, i want to believe (for now), it's the 'death' of top's egoistic/confident/brash personality and his previous lifestyle. at the end of the drama, he might no longer be the villain as he finally accepted and embraced the better side that mew helped top discover. 

sidetrack: a foreshadowing of topmew's future dynamic?

top sings this line;

this line;

and this line;

mew sings only this line (sorry because this screenshot isn't doing the scene justice);

and topmew sing this line together;

who's the he in this context? i don't have the slightest idea. it might be the 'new' top, or it's just mew finding/taking comfort in celibacy again (i wrote a prediction post for every pairing's ending here if you're interested to read it).

anyway, this is something we have to keep in mind. the foreshadowing in this scene alone is INSANE. but i regress by saying they're the absolute cutest and fluffiest doofus in this scene. top was having so much fun with mew and vice versa. they're enjoying each other's company. the smile on top's face was so bright, and the glint in his eyes was so vibrant. top looked sincerely happy with mew, and i like that a lot. //yet this scene teared me up when i was retrieving the screenshots. it broke me again. they could've been so happy without anything else coming their way. :( can't my babies be happy for once? goodness.

discomfort and distrust; top lost the battle with himself

in the car, top looked queasy. he was anxious from the small talk he had with boston in the kitchen. and he projected that frustration to ray as he insisted on taking his boyfriend home. in one way or another, top might not want mew to mingle with ray any longer, especially since mew was a bit tipsy and he was afraid that mew and ray would do something more than just acts of friendliness. however, top didn't save himself from the cunningness of boston's trap as he thought he had things under control.

again, as i mentioned in many of my discussion posts, top takes immense pride in himself and he won't let anyone topple that ego of his because he's the fcuking top tanin- everyone bowed down to him and worshipped him because of his impeccable skills in bed.

side note: this truly breaks my heart because it seems everyone only sees top as one thing: a sex God. that stranger (i don't want to address him by his name because i'm just very petty) who walked to top and freaking said all those bullshits in front of mew— in my eyes, top appeared guilty almost, and uncomfortable for letting mew witnessed and listened to 'the real' top from a stranger that once accompanied his sleepless night.

top was fidgety and tried to invert mew's attention elsewhere, not on him—

—which is ironic, considering he always enjoyed the attention/interest people have in him. but with mew, it's always different. 

side note (2): again, why the hell does everyone think they know top better than he knows himself? this somehow shows top's struggle of understanding/determining/differentiating his truest identity as people only perceive him as a pleasure-giver and NOTHING more. what people say tends to get into our heads, and it's not weird if top believes that he's just this and nothing else.

but mew helps him see that he's capable of making mew happy, of taking care of mew and being the best version of himself; this assumption is waiting to be proven when top says, "but with mew, i just want to make you as happy as possible." it looks like top has found a purpose in life— he wants to make mew happy. he wants the person he loves to be happy. //that's so heartbreaking just to think of it...

back to the car scene, i don't know how the hell boston got that video of mewray (possibly) kissing, but that was just a nominal and lowly move from boston.

that was disgusting (insert the lee minho meme), and it showed just how evil boston is. he didn't care if mew and ray were his friends or whoever, as long as he got what he wanted— top's attention/trust/d*ck— he was willing to backstab his so-called-friends. he really used the one thing top was afraid of— the truth behind mewray's closeness— to manipulate top. 

additonally, as mew had this vision of top in mind (confident, self-centred, etc), top also had this image of mew in mind (nice, helpful, etc). i guess he had always seen mew as the kind/naive/innocent type, especially since he wore that white wristband (a potent indication that mew was never really interested in romantic relationships and anything messy)—

—the first time they met. so top was afraid of the allegations coming true— perhaps mew wasn't a virgin, after all. it was all a lie. was mew lying to him all along?

notably, this also didn't come from mew's mouth— his virginity.

it's always the topic that BOSTON and mew's friends (chueam, i love you, but this shouldn't be a concern to you, really) brought up, showing just how insecure he was in that one thing mew STILL possessed, a charm that lured top into wanting to have a romantic/steady relationship with mew and ignored boston's constant cry of convincing top 'they are the same'. and how contradicting? boston said himself— mew is a 'sweet' virgin (retrieved from episode 1 part 1). so the video he showed to top can possibly be edited. //if it's true, fcuk you, boston. fcuk you.

when he saw the clip, top asked when it happened, and boston answered 2 years ago. here, we can already draw a conclusion that (if it was legit), it happened ONLY ONCE, and it wasn't a recurring thing because, a throwback to ep 1, mew clearly said, "i'm not someone like boston."

if mew was boston, it would've been more than just once— whatever mew was proclaimed to do with ray. but we know mew is a man of his own. he has always been so comfortable with celibacy. however, top's judgement was rather clouded and bugged because 1) he didn't trust mew fully (as mew didn't trust him previously), 2) he was insecure because mew might still choose ray over him, and 3) the idea of mew doing it with ray while being in this undefined relationship with top was bruising his ego/pride. so he allowed boston to do his way with top, because top felt he was losing control of himself. and the only thing that could help top regain that power was through boston. 

(he lost the battle with himself. really. it was just top and the demons in his head. the devils won. top gave in. again, fcuk you, boston.)

in this post, i mentioned that boston was always susceptible and open to top. he liked it when top caved into him. but the idea was top has always been using/thinking that boston could help him retrieve composure because boston was so easy to get— boston was always ready to be controlled and handled by top. but, when top met mew, he was interested and determined to win mew over becaue he was tired of 'people who already knew too much in bed.' and always, this was the sole reason of boston's anger and annoyance— mew has something desirable that boston no longer possessed— virginity/decency.

so top resorted to boston because he couldn't take the confirmation that mew— the person he was starting to (genuinely) like— wasn't the person he had in mind. so the car scene is proof that yes, mew is top's ultimate weakness. and in episode 3, it wasn't about mew manipulating top or anything; it's boston using mew as a tool to convince and influence top into believing that mew isn't who top believed he was. boston played with top's only weakness— mew.

however, top could've stayed. he could've put a stronger fight. i think the old top— the confident top— would insist on taking mew home. he wouldn't back away this easily (throwback to ep 1 when mew said he couldn't do this with top, but top said they didn't have to know each other to have sex. after that, he kissed mew again to keep the mood going, but mew pushed him and stopped top from continuing).

side note: i think top really wanted to stay because he knew what would happen if he went to boston. but mew said he was fine and top respected mew. he didn't want to argue or make mew unhappy. mew was his priority, and he abided by the boundaries set in this relationship. this has already opened up a new horizon to us; this is what top could be if he's allowed to have a morsel of true love. he trusted mew (although it had wavered) and went to boston.

top was known to be persistent, but he gave in so quickly when mew said he was fine alone. looking back at this, i believe now that top really likes mew. that's why this killed him— the idea of mew having a secret relationship with ray behind top's back. 

additionally, it breaks my heart after witnessing the hurt in top's eyes once boston leaned closer and kissed his neck. he was on the verge of crying. he seemed a bit lost, helpless and hopeless. i guess at that point, top was trying to think wisely, to make a final judgement/say to the ideas he had in mind and the verdict(s) boston showed him. he was trying to hold onto that thin slither of hope that it wasn't true because mew couldn't have done that, could he? 

but i guess top didn't consider or remember mew saying so blatantly, "i'm not like boston." because it's true— mew is never boston. unlike boston, who's insecure and pretty much volatile and a narcissist, mew is empathetic, understanding, kind and has his own set of flaws, but rather a decent human being. he's so different from boston. sadly, top couldn't differentiate that stark disparity, that one thing top liked about mew when he first saw him— mew's solitude. 

conclusion 

i said in this post that topmew will have their first time in episode 4, and it's happening. it fits the timeline of their budding relationship really well, as they now have reached equilibrium. top will confront mew in episode 4 and ask him about ray. mew will tell the truth because he's never a liar. possibly, that will make top trust mew again.

possibly, next week, we will see top distancing himself from mew at the start of the episode, and mew might feel sad/confused about it, so the first confrontation ensues— topmew sorting out their feelings for each other. mew willingly wants to have sex with top, an indication that mew is ready to fully accept top into his life— to be all over top as he genuinely likes top now (and this can be the start of mew's transformation from good to evil)— to admit he loves top and top is his boyfriend. they're finally on the same page. 

however, things will go down the gutters in episode 6 since forcebook said it's the story's climax. yet, i believe episode 5 will be their 'honeymoon' phase, and i personally want that to happen. it'll make the pain of separation even more delicious as we have happy memories of them in our riverbank of recollections. 

i'm sorry for this incoherent and messy discussion. i still have so many thoughts in mind, but this is the only thing i can pen down as of now. the car scene is still breaking me, and i just don't know. (I wrote this as soon as i woke up. therefore, i'm sorry. again.)

anyway, thanks for reading this post. :) 

//btw, i watched dangerous romance yesterday, and i'm in love. that drama is easily one of the best series of the year for me. it's so good.//

[1 | 2 | 3 | 4 (i) | 4 (ii) | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12]

[copperbadge]

Yeah, it's interesting, I did write a response to this the first time I saw it on my dash, but then I looked at what I wrote and it felt both incoherent and unhelpful so I deleted the draft without posting. Maybe I can be more useful now that I've thought about it.

For context for readership generally: I received a diagnosis of ADHD and Anxiety simultaneously. I didn't know they were assessing for anxiety, I disagreed with the anxiety diagnosis, the writeup of that portion of my assessment turned out to contain a number of factual errors, and my prescribing psychiatrist disagreed with it as well, so I'm not being treated for it.

The thing I came up against in reading this was that I got to this point:

A clinician should say, “Tell me more about your baseless, apprehensive fear,” which is the definition of anxiety. More times than not, a person with ADHD hyperarousal will give a quizzical look and respond,

And my automatic assumption was that the response would be what my response is, which is "It's not baseless."

It startled me to read the actual response of "I'm not afraid". It never occurred to me to say that when I'm worried about something I'm not afraid. Of course I'm afraid. The world is extremely uncertain and our lives are all a lot more precarious than most people like to think about. There's a fuckload to fear in this life. I honestly have spent decades baffled by shit other people don't fear when they absolutely should.

So in the original response I wrote to this post I was like "Well, of course I'm afraid, that is a rational response to a lot of the shit that happens to me." But that's basically the second paragraph, so I didn't feel like I was adding anything in particular by saying "Well....yeah."

I dunno, having written all that I still don't feel that I'm contributing anything meaningful, but I guess I can just talk about stuff and sometimes people find their own meaning in it. But yeah, it's nice to see it explicated like that.

When a person with ADHD complains of severe anxiety, I recommend that the clinician not immediately accept the patient’s label for her emotional experience. A clinician should say, “Tell me more about your baseless, apprehensive fear,” which is the definition of anxiety. More times than not, a person with ADHD hyperarousal will give a quizzical look and respond, “I never said I was afraid.” If the patient can drop the label long enough to describe what the feeling is like, a clinician will likely hear, “I am always tense; I can’t relax enough to sit and watch a movie or TV program. I always feel like I have to go do something.” The patients are describing the inner experience of hyperactivity when it is not being expressed physically.

At the same time, people with ADHD also have fears that are based on real events in their lives. People with ADHD nervous systems are consistently inconsistent. The person is never sure that her abilities and intellect will show up when they are needed. Not being able to measure up at the job or at school, or in social circles is humiliating. It is understandable that people with ADHD live with persistent fear. These fears are real, so they do not indicate an anxiety disorder.

holy SHIT

[thoodleoo]

your post about priams death scene and pyrrhus’ actions was so compelling I actually downloaded the Aeneid and started reading it bc I needed context… now I may or may not be basing a d&d character off of pyrrhus in the future bc for some reason pyrrhus saying “remember to tell [Achilles] of degenerate Pyrrhus” to Priam before he killed him really stuck with me. Also, “soon Pyrrhus comes, drenched in Priam’s blood, he who butchers the son in front of the father, the father at the altar.” Like? The way the narrative seems disgusted with Pyrrhus’ actions? To the point where Pyrrhus calls himself a degenerate? Yet he also doesn’t seem to regret it at all and acts as though he’s justified, like he’s killing to avenge his fathers death or some other righteous cause- I only just finished Book II so maybe I’m misreading things but tbh it’s been living in my head rent free

OK SO this might be a little incoherent because i'm just now putting my thoughts together on it but i think you've touched on something really interesting about book 2 and how priam and pyrrhus are supposed to be parallel to hector and achilles

like yes the first half of the aeneid is supposed to be the odyssean half, covering aeneas's travels on his way to his new home, but book 2 is almost like. it's also the iliad. it's like an iliad within an odyssey (and in a way there's an odyssey inside that iliad too but i won't get into the homerception TOO much here).

and i think vergil is very specifically calling to mind the discussion that hector and achilles have when achilles is about to kill hector. like think about it. the way priam brings up pyrrhus's father vs. the way hector begs on achilles' parents' names for achilles to return his body to priam. the way achilles tells hector to shut up about his parents vs the way pyrrhus gleefully tells priam to go ahead and tell his dad about the atrocities he's committed. the way both priam and hector tell their attacker that they'll face the gods for their fury, and both pyrrhus and achilles accept that fate without fear.

and yeah pyrrhus comes off like a horrible person but that's ON PURPOSE! because he's not just pyrrhus in this story, he's ACHILLES because it's another ILIAD! but specifically he's achilles BEFORE he meets priam, the achilles so overcome by menis that what is right and just no longer matter to him. he's achilles in his prideful youth, achilles who held patroclus' lifeless body in his arms. pyrrhus cannot be freed of his rage because he is achilles, and it is priam who calms achilles' heart, but the priam of book 2 of the aeneid is not priam at all. he is hector at achilles' feet begging for the mercy of burial, but he has no priam of his own to ransom his body and soothe the fire of pyrrhus's fury.

it's one of the things i love most about vergil, the way nobody is who they seem to be, the way father becomes son and son becomes father, and everyone, somehow, seems to be achilles

[daniclaytcn]

quiet my fears with the touch of your hand

title: quiet my fears with the touch of your hand

Summary: “In that warehouse,” Buck says. “I almost gave up.”

Eddie doesn’t bat an eyelash at his words. “I know,” He says, simply.

Buck isn’t sure why he’s saying this. He doesn’t know why he feels the need to confess this to Eddie, why this is something he needs for him to know. He also doesn’t know why Eddie is being so calm about it.

“I almost stopped fighting,” Buck continues, his voice breaking a little. 

“I know.” Eddie says, again. | Post 4x05: Buck Begins.

ao3 link

a/n: i wrote this when i should have been sleeping so it’s probably incoherent...pls excuse me..

tagging some people who may be interested: @malikjavaddzayn @evaneddie @matan4il @prettyboydiaz @firefighter-diaz  please let me know if you’d like to be added to/removed from my tag list!

Seconds after Buck knocks, the door opens and Eddie is looking at him with an arched eyebrow. "Since when do you knock?" He asks teasingly.

 Buck shrugs wordlessly. The weight of the past couple of days he's had—his parents arriving in town, finding out about Daniel, god, the fire—all had been momentarily forgotten in the time he spent with Maddie after his shift, the relief that came with forgiving her making something that had been unbalanced shift back into place in his heart. However, after leaving her apartment, it had all come crushing down on him again, leaving him shaking and breathless in the aftermath. Before knowing he was doing it, he was taking the turn to Eddie's house instead of his own apartment and now here he was.

 "You're just in time," Eddie gestures for Buck to come in. "Dinner's almost ready."

 "I—I didn't tell you I was coming, though," Buck says, confused. Eddie grins at him.

 "I had a feeling you would." Not waiting for a reply, he turns to go into the living room. "Christopher! Look who's here!"

 Buck is greeted with an armful of Chris when he enters the room and he can't help but laugh, hoisting him into his arms. Pressing his face into Chris' hair and hearing his bright laughter, Buck feels some of the tension drain from his body.

 "Hey, buddy! Hope you don't mind me coming over so unexpectedly."

 Chris giggles as Buck puts him down, as if he's said the funniest thing ever. "Don't be silly, Buck! We always want you around."

 Buck feels his eyes burn with tears inexplicably and he's relieved that Chris chooses that moment to turn around to search for a drawing he wants to show him. Eddie says nothing, instead moving past Buck to leave the room, pressing a warm hand to his shoulder as he passes him.

 Chris takes Buck's hand and tugs on it, leading him to the kitchen. Buck's eyebrows raise at the sight of Eddie pulling a pan out the oven

 "Dad cooked," Chris informs him. Buck chuckles.

 "Maybe I shouldn't have come over," He jokes. Eddie throws a dish towel at him, scowling.

 "It's just mac and cheese," He retorts. "And I'll have you know I've gotten better at cooking over the pandemic. Make yourself useful and set the table."

 Shifting into the usual routine of dinner time at the Diaz household has a comforting familiarity to it, Buck thinks, as he moves around the kitchen, grabbing plates and glasses, knowing where everything is supposed to be without even thinking about it. They sit down at the table to eat, Chris chattering away about his day as Buck listens on, barely suppressing an eye roll when Eddie not-so-subtly heaps two servings onto his plate. God, his best friend can be such a dad sometimes.

 As dinnertime comes to an end, though, Buck can feel the lightness begin to slip away, tension gathering in his shoulders once more and his smiles come less easily, not even Christopher’s cheer being able to bring them out easily. Eddie seems to notice (of course he does) and quickly stands to gather their plates.

 “Chris, I think it’s time you start getting ready for bedtime,” he says and Chris groans dramatically.

 “Dad, can’t I stay up? It’s not even a school night!”

 “Nope,” Eddie hums. “Rules are rules, Chris, you know how it is.”

 Chris groans again but doesn’t argue his point and gets up. “Goodnight, Buck,” he murmurs, and Buck bends down to receive his hug almost automatically, barely registering it. Thankfully, Chris doesn’t seem to notice that anything is amiss and pulling back, grins at him before leaving.

 “Hey,” Buck startles as Eddie taps him on the shoulder and looks up at the barely concealed worry in his friend’s face. “Why don’t you go wait in the living room? I’m gonna go tuck Chris into bed.”

 “It’s late,” Buck mutters. “Maybe I should leave.” He doesn’t want to. It’s almost more than he can stand, right now, the thought of leaving the warmth of Eddie’s house, of Eddie, to go back to his apartment, that has never felt like home the way Eddie and Christopher have. But he doesn’t want to overstay his welcome. He’d once told Maddie that he’s not really a guest in Eddie’s house, but now, with his entire world, with everything he’d ever known about himself turned upside down, he can’t be sure of anything.

 Eddie shakes his head and repeats, a little more firmly. “Wait for me in the living room.”

 Buck goes, helpless but to do as he asks. He looks around at the room as he sits down on the couch, Chris’ homework on the side tables, the video game consoles scattered around it, Eddie’s jacket tossed over a chair—just a few weeks ago, he had been on this couch with Eddie and Christopher, playing video games and teasing Eddie about his newfound fear of technology. Just a few weeks ago, he had been in this same spot, happy and lighthearted with two of his favorite people in the world.

 Just a few weeks ago, he hadn’t felt this overwhelming sense of wrongness and uncertainty, like everything was collapsing around him and he couldn’t do a damn thing about it.

 Eddie returns shortly, sinking down into the couch beside him, his shoulders pressing into Buck’s; solid and grounding. Buck lets out a shaky exhale, ducking his head as he feels his eyes burn with tears again. He doesn’t want Eddie to see him like this, cracked in a hundred places and this close to falling apart. Which doesn’t make sense, he knows, Eddie has been there during some of the worst moments of his life; he was there holding his hand while his leg was being crushed under a firetruck, he had seen him choke on his own blood during that welcome-back party; there was no end to it. But this—this was just too much. Too vulnerable. Too raw, and open and exposed.

 Eddie says nothing, just sitting there, a line of warmth and stability against Buck, waiting for him to open up. And Buck does, inevitably.

 “I forgave my parents,” He doesn’t look at Eddie while he says it, but can feel him stiffen momentarily before he relaxes again.

 “That must have been hard,” Eddie says, his words so similar to Maddie’s just a few hours ago. Buck shrugs in response, talking about it with his sister had been hard enough, he doesn’t really want to get into the why’s of it again.

 “I just feel like---” Buck stops himself and sighs in frustration. “I feel like this should have brought me some sort of relief, right? Taken some of the weight off my shoulders? Now that I actually have some context to what they did, and why-“

 “Hey,” Eddie interrupts, almost sharply. “Your parents lost a child, and that’s terrible. But them ignoring the two living children they had, not being there for their kids who actually needed them? That is on them and nothing can excuse that. You are well within your rights to feel angry, Buck.”

 Buck shakes his head. “I am so tired of being angry,” He says. “But---I still am. I thought forgiving them would make me feel less angry, but it didn’t. I am so angry that they kept my brother a secret from me, all this time. I am so angry that they forced Maddie to keep that secret, when she was just a child. I am so angry that I was finally, finally, doing better, feeling more secure and good about myself and my life and it took just one visit from them to turn it all upside down!”

 He sucks in a deep breath and buries his head in his hands, shaking slightly. He did not mean to explode like that. Hell, he doesn’t even know where it all came from. He had no idea he was even feeling like that before it all burst out.

 I sometimes hide my true feelings, Buck remembers telling his therapist that one time, and he chuckles hollowly at the memory.

 Eddie lays a hand on his shoulder, the pad of his thumb drawing soothing circles over his sleeve and remains quiet until Buck raises his head again, eyes wet.

 “It’s clear to me, now,” Buck says. “Everything I ever did to try and win their affection, to win their love—none of it mattered. I was set up to fail since the very beginning. The entire time, whenever they looked at me, all they could see was Daniel and I would never measure up in their eyes. How could I compete with that? God,” He scrubs a hand across his face roughly and lets out a bitter laugh. “I’m jealous of a dead person. How fucked up is that?”

Something shutters in Eddie’s expression and he ducks his head for a moment, swallowing. “I understand completely,” He murmurs. Before Buck can really think about it, Eddie is talking again.

 “It was never on you to win your parents’ love, Buck,” He says. “It’s not something that needs to be won, it’s something that has to be freely given. And your parents—they—no matter the loss they were mourning, the way they made you feel like every scrap of their attention needed to be earned was unacceptable. You have to know that. I mean—” He sighs and pauses for a moment. “I have made a lot of mistakes with Christopher, but I can never imagine doing to him what your parents did to you and your sister. It’s unthinkable.”

 Buck manages to smile at that and says, his voice breaking a little, “You’re a really great dad.”

 Eddie chuckles and shakes his head. “I hope so,” He murmurs. “At least, I try to be. And sometimes, trying is the best you can do. It’s what every parent should do.”

 Trying, huh? Philip and Margaret Buckley certainly hadn’t. They had given up on Buck the moment he’d failed to save his brother, Buck is certain of this no matter how they might say otherwise. They had given up on Maddie when she married Doug. They were never willing to try when things got hard, instead that burden had been placed on their children and Maddie and Buck had carried it even into their adulthood, without even noticing.

 He had never felt that burden so acutely as he did in the fire, as he relived his entire life, seeing his past through new eyes as he fought desperately to save Saleh from the flames and himself, from giving into all that despair and guilt and hopelessness. And in the end, he hadn’t had to carry it alone, because the 118, his family, stepped in to carry it with him.

 “In that warehouse,” Buck says. “I almost gave up.”

 Eddie doesn’t bat an eyelash at his words. “I know,” He says, simply.

 Buck isn’t sure why he’s saying this. He doesn’t know why he feels the need to confess this to Eddie, why this is something he needs for him to know. He also doesn’t know why Eddie is being so calm about it.

 “I almost stopped fighting,” Buck continues, his voice breaking a little.

 “I know.” Eddie says, again.

 “You’re not—” Buck clears his throat and says, hoarsely, “You’re not…I don’t know—” He can’t finish.

 Upset? Angry? Disappointed?

 Eddie, evidently, doesn’t need him to say it. “No,” He says, his voice impossibly soft. “I know what it’s like. I’ve been there.”

 Oh. Of course, that’s—Buck doesn’t know whether he is referring to Afghanistan or the well, when he was buried under thirty feet of mud. Or both.

 Buck doesn’t ask, and Eddie doesn’t elaborate.

 “It feels easy, to just stop resisting,” Eddie continues. “But then, you remember that you have something to live for. A family that loves you.”

 Buck shakes his head, almost automatically. “My parents—”

 “I’m not talking about your parents,” Eddie says, firmly. “I am talking about your sister, Bobby, Athena, the 118—”

 “—you?” Buck finishes, something in his heart lifting at the soft smile Eddie gives him in return.

 “Yeah, me,” Eddie says. “And Christopher,” He pauses, suddenly looking almost uncertain. “That is, if you’ll have us.”

 If he’ll have them? Buck almost laughs hysterically—what sort of question is that? Surely, Eddie has to know—to have him and Christopher as his family would be everything and more. He wants it, all of it, so badly that it’s almost terrifying. He wants Eddie, in any and every single way possible, no matter how selfish it is.

 “Eddie, you don’t know what that means to me,” Buck says, instead.

 Eddie smiles. “I think I have some idea,” He says, and reaches out, slipping his hand into Buck’s. Buck can feel his breath catch, his heart leaping at the gentle touch, at the way Eddie’s fingers slot so perfectly between his. It is at times like these, that he thinks that Eddie might return the feelings he has for him, the feelings that are definitely not those of friendship. But he can never bring himself to cross that line, too afraid of being wrong, of ruining one of the best things he has in his life.

 They sit in silence for a few minutes. After a while, Buck glances at the clock.

 “It’s getting late,” He says reluctantly. “I should go.”

 “Stay.” Eddie says. Buck’s pulse quickens, he knows that Eddie doesn’t mean it that way, yet—

 “I think—”

 Eddie shakes his head. “Stay. Please.”

 And how can Buck say no to that?

 He nods wordlessly and allows himself to lean into Eddie, his eyes drifting shut. This is slowly exceeding the realm of best friend behavior, but Buck can’t find it in himself to care at the moment, especially when Eddie turns into him, resting his head on his shoulder.

 For now, he can have this.

 For once, he can be enough.

[forevercloudnine]

new 52 scarebat ship meme

(I had @heroes-etc​ give me more questions, but for scarebat this time, since we talk about it 24/7 but I never post about it. These are from this ship meme.)

4. Their favorite physical feature on each other?

There’s only one feature of Bruce’s appearance that’s scarier when he’s not wearing the batsuit, and that’s his creepy blue eyes. Especially the way Greg Capullo draws them where they’re sickly pale and have ridiculously constricted pupils.

So his eyes would definitely be in the running for Jonathan’s favorite feature, even if seeing them would require Bruce’s mask to be off, which is something New 52 Scarecrow explicitly avoids. Yes, that character trait only exists to justify why Batman’s identity is still secret after Scarecrow mind controls and subsequently institutionalizes him in “Gothtopia,” but I think it’s interesting so I’m going to pretend it’s not shoe-horned in there for meta reasons.

Actually having to see Bruce without the cowl on would definitely permanently break the illusion of Batman as a nightmarish inhuman bat demon, which I’m sure is a large part of the appeal for anyone as obsessed with fear as Jonathan Crane. But Bruce’s creepy eyes would be a serious consolation prize. 

Bruce’s favorite of Jonathan’s physical features is rough, because Jonathan is famously not great re: physical features. I’m going to say his mouth, because a) that’s where the snark comes from, and b) the New 52 establishes that in one of their earlier encounters, Jonathan had sewn his own mouth shut, so it’s one of those things where a bad first impression turned positive later on leads to more fondness than if you’d made a good impression in the first place.

I just looked up the panel where he does it and I DID forget how incredibly gross his lips look here, which makes the fact that I have chosen it as Bruce’s feature seem really funny in retrospect. But I do think that seeing Jonathan’s mouth healed and unmutilated would be a reassuring reminder of how he’s stabilized since their first encounter, at least to the point that he isn’t hurting himself anymore. Also, Bruce buys him a lot of chapstick.

Bonus alternate answer that did not make it into the Google Doc:

9. How open are they with their feelings?

Bruce and Jonathan are both pretty competent deceivers in the New 52; Bruce always, Jonathan depending on how the writer is feeling (though you could argue that Bruce just has a stronger grip on reality, while Jonathan’s skill at obfuscation varies with how lucid he is).

...I was going to use Detective Comics #23.3 as an example of Jonathan being a good liar, but actually upon re-reading I’m realizing that only 1/4 rogues buy his attempt at manipulation. So maybe he’s considerably worse at hiding his intentions than he thinks he is. Regardless, he doesn’t ever attempt to disguise his obsession with Batman.

Whether or not he’d express romantic feelings or try to hide them is debatable. There’s no Masters of Fear equivalent in the New 52 establishing that he was ever mocked or punished for expressing romantic feelings for someone, though there is a flashback panel in his origin emphasizing that he was always lonely in this regard (and coincidentally doesn’t specify that his interest is in women, which is fun).

In Green Lanterns #17 he has some internal monologue about how fear is his romance and he needs Batman to feel it, but it is an INTERNAL monologue, so it’s not clear if this is something he would express to Bruce or keep to himself. Or if he’s even fully processed it himself, given how incredibly out of it he is in this comic. Most of his spoken lines are just kind of screaming incoherently. Bruce gets pretty snippy with a Green Lantern at the end of the issue for suggesting that Jonathan should be punished for his crimes as if he were in control of his actions. 

Bruce is a similarly complicated answer, since for all his deceptions and shadowy mystery he pretty much wears his heart on his sleeve when it comes to romance. It’s just that his heart doesn’t express or process emotions the same way as anyone around him, which can create conflict. His (seriously underrated) love interest during Scarecrow’s origin arc, Natalya, spent most of her time dating him thinking that he didn’t care about her for this reason. He was trying to express that he loved her, but he mostly did so through complimenting her skills, which she never took as serious declarations of affection because he wasn’t being straightforward and she was insecure.

Jonathan does not himself seem like someone who would be especially secure in the idea of another person having romantic feelings towards him, so I assume that while Bruce might THINK he’s being open with any romantic feelings he develops, he would in reality just be really confusing.

13. How do they react to being away from each other?

I actually think that in general, Jonathan is one of the few people who would have no issue dealing with Bruce’s tendency to unexpectedly go AWOL for long periods of time, given that he himself has a tendency to fixate on his work to the exclusion of everything else.

But New 52 Jonathan specifically probably has pretty serious abandonment issues due to his father putting him in “the pit” and dying before he could take him out, meaning that Jonathan was waiting for his dad to come back for him for God knows how long, until Jonathan Sr.’s employers finally sent the police to investigate. 

So while in general I think he wouldn’t be very clingy, any impression that Bruce had died or otherwise wasn’t coming back for him would probably be incredibly triggering. If Bruce could assuage this reaction by occasionally sending updates that at least indicated he was still alive, then I doubt Jonathan would have any problems with his absence.

(@heroes-etc​: bruce sending like a checkmark emoji once a day. jonathan hears his phone ping, looks at the screen, and goes hm. good. and doesnt respond.)

Bruce meanwhile has no problem ditching literally any love interest at any time if something crime-related comes up, unless he’s considering quitting the cowl for them (as Joker probably accurately fears will happen with Catwoman in Prelude to the Wedding). But I don’t think he’d stop being Batman for Scarecrow, nor would Jonathan ever want him to — he’s interested in Batman, not necessarily Bruce Wayne.

But even though Bruce wouldn’t have an emotional problem with distance, I think he would get similarly paranoid if they went too long without contact, though for different reasons than Jonathan. Unlike some other villains (*cough* Joker and Riddler), Scarecrow has machinations that don’t require getting Batman’s attention, so if he decided to continue with his less legal experiments, he would not feel compelled to get Bruce involved. While the “World’s Greatest Detective” would probably not have an issue keeping an eye on Jonathan while he’s in Gotham, he’s considerably less capable of that in space. And Jonathan is definitely a rogue he would be obsessed with keeping an eye on, even if he reformed. 

Batman & Robin Eternal established that Dick’s first supervillain conflict AND first mission leaving the country was chasing Scarecrow across the world for an entire summer, which is kind of insane considering how early it was in Batman’s career. Like, he did not have an army of children to watch Gotham for him while he was gone. He had one child, and he took that child WITH him. He left Gotham undefended for months, JUST to catch Scarecrow. Sooo that in of itself implies he wouldn’t be great at keeping his distance.

15. Does their view of themselves differ from their partner’s view?

Well, Jonathan occasionally sees Bruce as a giant bat demon, so yes.

Outside of that very obvious differing view, Jonathan in general sees himself and the rest of the rogue gallery as more vital to Batman’s identity than Bruce considers them; the extent to which he’s right varies depending on your interpretation of Bruce’s character, but it’s definitely not something Bruce would ever consciously think or say. 

This is related to something that’s definitely a misconception of his, though, which is that the majority of Batman’s job revolves around supervillains like him. In Kings of Fear, when Jonathan blackmails Bruce into letting him come on patrol with him (which is a whole thing in of itself), he’s shocked at how boring most of Batman’s work is. Which probably goes along hand in hand with sometimes seeing Bruce as an almost mythologically inhuman figure. 

In his defense, it’s not like he has a lot of context for what the minutiae of Batman’s job is like. He’s either fighting Batman, hiding from Batman, or imprisoned by Batman in Arkham, a place where everyone else also spends all their time fighting or hiding from Batman. Which would really skew your perspective.

Interestingly, Bruce and Jonathan are both people who pride themselves on being extremely self-aware. Both of them probably inaccurately. You can rant about how you have a perfect understanding of your troubled mental state all day long, but if you’re still dressing up like a monster at night to indulge the power fantasies you created as a traumatized child by scaring the hell out of people, there’s probably a level of self-realization you haven’t gotten to yet.

Bruce however is at least self-aware enough to regularly be able to analyze his way out of fear toxin induced hallucinations, which Jonathan is unable to do — when he’s not depicted as having become immune to his fear toxin due to overexposure (as he is in Green Lanterns #17), he can be defeated with the same formulas that Batman regularly manages to resist (like his honestly embarrassing breakdown in Nightwing #50). 

Which ties into the difference between how he sees himself and how Bruce sees him: Jonathan obviously visualizes himself as a “master” of fear. He actually has the same internal monologue about fear and trauma that Bruce does in Batman: The Dark Knight #13: “Make it your own... run to what you fear... stare it in the eye... until it whimpers and backs down.” But Bruce doesn’t see Scarecrow as conquering his fear; he sees him as addicted to it, to the point of his own detriment.

Which is interesting, because Jonathan clearly sees his Scarecrow persona as a way to regain control after being victimized by his father’s fear experiments throughout his childhood. I guess Bruce’s perspective would be that Jonathan’s father instead got him addicted to fear as a child, so his attempts at agency as Scarecrow are just a) reliving his trauma over and over and b) compulsively inflicting his own trauma on others. There’s probably some truth to that, even if overall it’s probably an oversimplification (and coincidentally pretty much EXACTLY what Riddler argues Bruce is doing by “funding” Batman in Batman Annual #4, so there’s that).

20. Did either person change at all, to be with their partner?

The obvious answer here is yes, because Jonathan is a supervillain with no regard for human life while Bruce is a superhero who has dedicated his life to protecting people. So presumably one or both of them would have to make serious compromises to be together. HOWEVER. Scarecrow’s primary motivation is to research, understand and inflict fear, while Batman’s modus operandi is making his enemies afraid of him. So despite their contradiction in morals, they’re uniquely positioned to advance each other’s goals, were they to ever join forces.

Bruce never has a problem using fear toxin on Scarecrow, presumably partially out of an “eye for an eye” sense of poetic justice, but also because Batman is practical and it’s a nonlethal weapon that’s always available to him while fighting Scarecrow. If he could have fear toxin customized for his own use, it’s hard to imagine him being unwilling to use it. In Gothtopia he actually advocates for using what’s leftover from Crane’s new formula on all the inmates at Arkham, which seems about as insanely morally ambiguous as it gets. Arguably, putting fear toxin in his smoke bombs would be considerably less wrong than drugging mental patients out of their mind when they’re supposed to be receiving therapy (this is also the issue where he illegally releases Poison Ivy because she did him a favor, which is both morally questionable and relevant to the current topic).

Jonathan obviously already thinks Batman is the most interesting possible case study in fear; it’s why he keeps coming back to Bruce and Gotham despite being one of the more independent villains in Batman’s rogue gallery in the New 52. So though he would have to give up actively kidnapping people (which would be a huge sacrifice, I’m sure), teaming up with Bruce would give him unrestricted access to his favorite test subject. Unfortunately, it seems very possible that he would fall back to old tricks if he ever felt that he’d gotten everything he could out of a partnership with Bruce. Fortunately, that would probably take a VERY long time.

[ichihime]

ANONYMOUS ASKED: I was following along a thread on twitter and an anti said when Ichigo laid dead on the ground with a hole in his chest in the Lust arc, that he didn’t say “I can hear her..stand up..I will protect her” before hollowfying. They claim he instead said “I can hear..stand up..I have to protect” using no pronounce directed at Orihime, hence NOT coming back from the dead because he wants to protect her specifically but because of his instincts to protect and he would’ve done it for any of his friends. They also said that Orihime didn’t scream “help me” but instead said “help” which triggered Ichigo’s instincts to protect, making him rise from the dead, hence once again making it clear this was never about Orihime specifically but about Ichigo’s instincts responding when hearing a voice in need (and this voice could’ve been from anyone amongst his friends) and how the hollow would not allow him to die regardless. Basically the English translations are incorrect and the raw version in kanji never used pronounces during these scenes. Is this correct and how would you respond to this?

There are a couple really important factors to address in this translation and why its English counterpart would supplement with pronouns specifically referring to Orihime; first, that Ichigo’s speech is meant to be broken and fairly incoherent because it’s conveying the idea that he as a human is focused on this sole objective as he’s dying. Second, that in Japanese, there isn’t necessarily a requirement for subject pronouns to form a sentence talking about a subject (the subject in question being Orihime) —this is a particular grammar rule that has no translatable equivalent in the English language, because they’re ultimately different structures entirely. I drop this phrase a LOT on here, but again, cultural context is important. Since you also sent this ask to my friend @ichinoue​​, there’s been some really excellent fan feedback about the structure of Japanese language and how it differs from English —this post in particular.

Now — onto the actual question:

I think there’s definitely a possibility that Ichigo would have done this for his other friends, but only if this moment had also been preceded by Ichigo vowing to “definitely protect” or “protect without fail” those other friends. Kubo did write a scene like this, and made a pretty big deal about it, but that scene involves one specific character —not all of his friends.

This hollow transformation was written as a climax in Ichigo’s narrative arc for the Hueco Mundo saga —as the ongoing theme during this arc was about his struggle with his identity against his inner hollow as an ever-present threat. This could not be a more clear theme throughout this specific arc. There’s a lot of specific focus placed upon this struggle, his cooperation and subsequent training with the Visoreds, his lack of control despite his best efforts, and his juxtaposition of this struggle for control in his actual fights against the Arrancar and Espada. This is important to note, because in response to this, there is only one scene with one character that both:

Involves him promising to “definitely protect” or “protect without fail” a friend he cares deeply for (using the same character for “protect” that’s his namesake, no less —I’ll get into this tidbit more further down).

Functions as a foreshadowing tool, and is later double-downed upon as a foreshadowing tool by the same character as mentioned above.

When it comes down to it, the grammatical inconsistencies that come from translating between languages don’t have any particular bearing on this specific scene, because the intent was already made clear as early as Chapter 196. That’s how foreshadowing works —even if we as the reader don’t realize it’s happening until after the fact. What’s more, this is how Japanese functions as a language; it’s constructed around making sense of the context, which is why it doesn’t necessarily need subject pronouns to function or convey meaning. (Though I can understand why this goes over most Anti-IHs heads... their arguments depend almost entirely on pulling things out of context, which obviously doesn’t work.)

That said —

This scene says a lot. And even though Ichigo is speaking directly to Orihime so we understand she is the subject of what he’s saying, there’s a lot of additional meaning we can derive from this scene by reading (you guessed it) the context. 

Ichigo is characterized early on by somewhat brash, irritable (though this is conditional), impolite, “punk”-like mannerisms. His speech tends to be informal (cultural context) as does his body language. However, we also know that he doesn’t say things lightly when it comes to promises and protecting others. These words carry weight, but there’s an additional sense of conviction conveyed through his respectful and formal gesture of bowing, his unwavering eye contact, and we as the readers can understand this without needing an explanation.

This is especially interesting because if IRs want to get smart about raws, then they should also already understand the additional importance placed on this scene when it comes to Ichigo’s word choice. Ichigo uses the character “護” (mamoru / ”to protect”) to convey his intentions. There are a lot of different ways to write “protect” in Japanese, many of which Ichigo uses when he makes these promises or talks about protecting others throughout the series. What makes his choice of “護” especially significant and piles on more and more contextual importance is that this is the same character for “protect” that is his namesake and the basis for his core character motivations. This is also only time throughout the entire series Ichigo specifically uses “護” to refer to protecting someone. 

If the intention of this to act as a foreshadowing tool wasn’t clear enough, it is again referenced by Orihime later —just at the beginning of the fight between Ichigo and Grimmjow. 

Already, we have a precedent set by Orihime’s direct involvement. This is the second scene in a pattern of foreshadowing the events of the Lust Arc. 

The intent is clear; this is a theme in Ichigo’s narrative arc that involves Orihime, because it also involves the development of their relationship. Her fear of hollows, her fear of Ichigo losing himself to his hollow side, Ichigo’s struggle to expose himself to this power he relies on to win in battle while also trying not to lose himself. There’s an underlying theme of Ichigo and Orihime struggling to communicate with each other, desperately wishing to protect each other and going to whatever ends to do it, but ultimately thinking its a burden they must shoulder alone. They are both concurrently struggling with feelings of uselessness (Ichigo isn’t strong enough, Orihime can’t do anything) throughout this arc, acting as foils even if their individual journeys take different shapes. Even so, these conflicts are juxtaposed by the theme of “The Heart” (the bonds between people) that also keep appearing. They’re both frightened, they’re both feeling weak, feeling desperate, and yet still — they can understand one another.

So we have this pattern now:

Ichigo vows “Next time... I will protect you... without fail!” to Orihime with a sense of personal importance conveyed through the use of his name that is unmatched throughout the rest of the series.

Later, Orihime notes very plainly that “Whenever he uses strong words, it’s like he’s making a promise. I believe that he makes a promise to himself. I think that he expresses his words in feelings so that he will follow through.” The important takeaway being of course the forthright meaning, but also “When Ichigo says he’s going to [do something], he will [do that something] for sure.”

We all know what happens next —the character conflicts, the miscommunications, the belief that these are fights that need to be handled alone, the struggle against the powers of a hollow, the fear of exposure to that power... all culminate into The Lust Arc.

— CONTENT WARNING for canon-typical gore, blood, impalement, and body horror.

With the above established foreshadowing, we can see how it leads to this; When Ichigo says that “he will protect you without fail”, he will protect you for sure.

“To be clear, a total transformation to a hollow, is neither evil or good; it’s more like pure power .. so I made a voice of pure-hearted power that is unrelated, beyond the concept of good and evil so I screamed from a clear pure heart yet, at the same time there is some sadness and thought of Orihime in my head.”

— Masakazu Morita (Ichigo Kurosaki’s Japanese VA), on how he voiced Hollowfied!Ichigo during the Lust Arc.

 “The perfectly hollowfied Ichigo ruminated over Orihime’s screams and was bound only by that objective.”

— Bleach UNMASKED

If what I outlined above wasn’t clear enough, Ichigo goes as far as to stab Ishida, his friend. It couldn’t be about anyone else. This specific theme has always very clearly been about Ichigo, Orihime, their relationship to each other, and their relationship to hollowfication as a concept.  

I want to also be very clear here as well; with the established theme of Ichigo always fighting against his hollowfication, and Ichigo’s Hollow being motivated solely by self interest — it isn’t Ichigo’s Hollow responding to Orihime’s plea, it’s Ichigo’s humanity. Ichigo’s Hollow finally getting an opening to take over his host (to become The King and Ichigo, The Horse) is what revives Ichigo. But his vow to Orihime and his desire to fulfill that promise is what allowed him to cling to his humanity. The Hollow is motivated by survival instinct, not any desire to protect —that’s all Ichigo, just as it’s always been.

I think anyone who is still willfully misinterpreting this and holding Japanese language structure to English rules and conventions is seriously pathetic. Even in English, the pronouns have zero bearing on what’s being conveyed here. They can try and disprove IchiHime as much as they want as far as I’m concerned. The fact remains that at the end of the day, giving the Ichigo/Orihime relationship as much attention and dissection as they do goes to show that (a) they still perceive it as a threat and (b) there’s such a large volume of Ichigo/Orihime content to comb through to begin with —a fact they’ve vehemently denied for years.

Also like, IchiHime is canon. They’re happily married. They have a family together. Just tell them to take the fucking L. I get secondhand embarrassment from watching them rehash the same old bullshit time and again.

[jamieaiken919]

Since Fall and Halloween are coming up, how would the Primis and Ultimis crews spend their days with you/other people? Also, how would they spend Halloween?

I FUCKIN FOUND IT

holy ass tumblr why did you throw this all the way MONTHS back into my drafts jfc

BUT A N Y W A Y I KNOW IM LATE BUT THIS WAS A CHALLENGE AND A HALF TO FIND I’M SORRY. I had wanted to save this for Halloween because I figured it would make the most sense to post it on the actual day, but apparently tumblr had other plans lol. But despite the fact that it’s now after the day I’m still gonna make this the best goddamn fall post for the bois!! SO without further ado, I present to you all another edition of...

THOUGHT FROM A THOT

And! Since you specified in your question how they would spend their days with me or others, I’m going to put this within the context of my modern AU! Also, these can be applied to either Ultimis or Primis, whoever fits your fancy! Also a disclaimer- I apologize if this isn’t exactly up to par with some of the other things I’ve written. I’ve kind of been all over the place mentally lately, so this might wander and get kind of incoherent😣

So, let’s start with Fall first. The boys probably have varied experiences with fall, given the vast differences in where they all grew up, but I think they all generally have good feelings about it-

Edward in particular has the best memories about fall- it’s been his favorite since he was a child, since before he lost his family. He has memories of being with his father and sister, picking apples and bringing them home for his mother to bake with. He remembers his childhood home smelling like cinnamon, and the way the leaves would fall and cover his backyard. They’re some of the few positive memories from his childhood he has left, and he holds on to them tightly.

Tank has always liked the fall as well, though he doesn’t have the level of connection to it that Edward has. He’s always liked watching the leaves change colors, and he enjoys taking walks in the cool autumn air. He finds it peaceful, and given everything they’ve had to deal with, he’s always up for finding some peace in his life.

Takeo doesn’t mind the fall, but he wouldn’t call it his favorite either. He’s more a fan of spring, when he can watch things come back to life. I think he would view it similarly to the way Tank does, enjoying the simple serenity of the changing season.

Nikolai isn’t as much a fan as the others. Given that Russian winters can be absolutely brutal, he sees autumn as the signal that things are going to get very cold, very fast. And while he can handle the cold, it’s the feeling of desolation that the Russian winters bring with them that he’s not too fond of.

NOW. Once these bois are away from all the bullshit they’ve been dealing with, I think they can really start to enjoy the season. In the context of my modern AU, I’m someone who likes to go all out when it comes to decorating for the seasons, and I think that just the process of that would help to ground them into their new reality. They have a home, they have someone who cares for them, and they’re finally able to have the normalcy that they thought they had lost. I think Takeo would take the most enjoyment out of decorating- he’s someone who’s obviously very meticulous and disciplined, and I think he would find a calmness in making the house look as cozy as possible. Tank loves it because it means he can watch football! Imagine the fear the rest of the guys have when they watch Tank and I observing a Packers game, lmao. Nikolai takes to cooking, because it’s something he knows he’s good at for the cold months ahead. He’s used to having to stretch and save his food, and he’s still not accustomed to being able to have pretty much anything at his disposal whenever he needs it. The freezer will be stocked for MONTHS. Edward... has the most adjustments to make. He remembers his family, he has his memories, but he doesn’t know how to reconcile the memories with his new reality. He’s still very unsure of the world he finds himself in, and he leans on me and the rest of the guys to be his support when things overwhelm him. Overall though, I think once he allowed himself to adjust, he would start to feel that same joy and peace he felt as a child.

AND NOW ONTO S P O O K I E S

I gotta start with costumes. I HAVE TO.

Edward, of course, would be a doctor. Not only does it allow him to get back into some level of familiarity, but it also doubles as a costume! WIN WIN BABY. If we’re talking ultimis, I imagine he’d probably go with more of a blood spattered appearance, whereas primis would stick to just his plain doctor’s coat. And of course, I have to select a sexy nurse’s costume to compliment his choice.😏

Tank I could see being a Rambo type of character. He’s a soldier, and in his mind it just makes the most sense. He gets to play up the character! Plus as a marine, he could dress up as any other sector of the armed forces and call it his “scariest costume ever”, lmao.

Nikolai is a bear. Full stop. He just wears a bear kigurumi and calls it a day lol.

Takeo... for some reason, is one I can’t see actually dressing up for Halloween. I see him as the one who hands out candy to the kids who come to the door, making sure they all get at least two pieces each. But he always manages to sneak each kid some extra, which means we run out way faster than anticipated and I have to make an emergency run for candy in the middle of the day lol. If we did manage to rope Takeo into dressing up, it would probably have to be something simple. Maybe we throw him in a different kigurumi? Doggo, perhaps?

GOD MY BRAIN IS RUNNING ON EMPTY AND THIS IS GETTING LONG SO I’M GONNA END IT HERE

I REALLY HOPE YOU LIKED THIS ANON I HOPE IT WAS GOOD

[wuobio]

So I need to rant incoherently about Norse Mythology. It happens.

My biggest pet peeve about Norse Mythology in modern media?

Marvel Studios.

Yes, it's great they included Thor and Loki and Valkries and all that but they missed out so much that, honestly? Could have mad it soooooo much funnier/better/more sense.

Like how Thor once had Mjolnir stolen by frost giants, dressed up as Freya (without shaving or anything, just a dress and veil) with Loki as his hand maiden, got in and beat the giants' asses to kingdom come. It could have been a moment of bonding, or a neat little detail mentioned in passing, y'know, just something.

Also, Loki's kids.

Goodness, I could do a whole post on the main four, but I'm gonna condense it for everyone's sanity. Or try to. I'll probably fail.

You all know Hel/Hela? She's actually Loki's kid, the goddess of the dead and half corpse. Depending on what you read, either her face is split between gorgeous maiden and horrifying corpse or her legs are rotting goat legs. She's the second youngest of all of Loki's monster kids and the only girl. I read an amazing book from her POV, which I can't remember the name of. It really fucking annoys me that they made her Thor and Loki's sister because not only could you have added angst and comedy it just makes more SENSE.

And Fenrir/Fenris. He's bound by Magic chains TM made with cat footsteps and ladies beards by dwarves. He also bit off Tyr's (the god of war) hand. His hand. It's just such a crucial part of mythology, and I known there's already been "Thor: Ragnarok" but still.

Now we have our eldest creature. Jormungand. A huge. World-spiralling. Serpent. He resides in the Earth's oceans. Wrapping around it like earpod wires. Thor and Jormumgand HATE each other. Thor and a giant went fishing, Thor caught Jormungand, couldn't lift him.

THOR CAN LIFT MJOLNIR BUT COULDN'T LIFT A MOTHER-FUCKIN' SNAKE

This says tons about how important he is. Once Thor finally (after pretty much drinking all of Midgard's ale) lifts him. The giant severs the line in fear because Jormungand is going to bring about Ragnarok. Thor will kill Jormungand and Jormungand will kill Thor. Lemme just make that clearer.

JORMUNGAND IS GOING TO KILL THOR

KILL HIM

K I L L H I M

That's a big Fucking deal.

Even if Marvel doesn't do that, couldn't they reference how there is a huge snake in the ocean?

Perhaps the wackiest kid of all, Sliepner. An eight-legged horse ridden by Odin that can run at beyond incredible speeds. The strangest thing about him is his context.

Basically, after the war with the Vanir Asgard was not looking to good. The worst thing destroyed was the outer wall. It had been completely decimated. Frost giants were attacking and Asgard was at an all time low. Until this big, blue man comes along and says "Hey, I can build your wall if you want?".

Odin is really happy but still suspicious, so he asks what he wants for payment. The blue man says that if he can't build the wall within a certain amount of time (usually a year) then there will be no payment. However, if he builds the wall in time, he gets Freya/Freja the goddess of love (who, interestingly, rides a cat chariot. But anyway) to marry him.

Freya obviously doesn't like that. But it's gotta be impossible to build a whole big-ass wall in just a year, so Odin agrees.

BUT

Blue dude, in six months, gets 3/4 of the wall done, no shit, no fuss. And Loki being Loki, goes:

"Hey, what if we spy on him and find out what he's doing?"

And Odin just goes "Yeah dude". Because Freya is

P I S S E D

And will not leave him alone.

So Loki goes and spies on blue man and discovers that blue man had a super strong, super fast stallion that can carry a shit-ton of bricks to build the wall in twice the time. Loki goes back and tells everyone, tells them he has a plan. He disappears for a few months, blue dude loses his horse because it falls in love with a cute mare, can't finish the wall in time and loses. Then Loki comes skipping back with a newborn stallion, gives the horse to Odin who discovers that he goes R E A L L Y fast. And that's the end of it.

This is a strange story because one, Loki fucked a horse and gave birth to a horse. Which is just soooooooooooo...I mean I can't even explain it other than magic. And two, it's just as funny as Loki stabbing Thor whenever.

...

...

Yeah I think I'm done now. Sorry for the long post, but my brother has become obsessed with Marvel and I got annoyed and hey, what else is Tumblr for? I love Marvel but I love Norse Mythology more and I get really pissed when it isn't followed. However I love the concept of Loki being Thor's brother, so that's cool. Again, sorry for the long post. Have a good day.

[lollians]

This is going to be moderately incoherent but if you’ll just bear with me: I think the thing that I love the most about the Good Omens miniseries is how Aziraphale and Crowley’s relationship is played, but in the context of how Crowley reacts to traits or behaviours exhibited by Aziraphale that can be interpreted as neurodivergence?

Aziraphale is. Anxious. He’s very anxious, and he needs reassurance, even if the reassurance isn’t always something that makes Rational Sense.  And Crowley gives him that. “Oh, you’re an Angel, I don’t think you can do the wrong thing” is a fucking absurd thing to say, coming from a fallen angel, but it’s exactly what Aziraphale needs to hear just then and the way his face just dissolves in relief when Crawley says it and the way he says “Oh, oh, oh THANK you” just. Resonated with me, very much.

Similarly, during the scene where they get hit by paintballs Aziraphale gets all upset because his coat has paint on it but he can’t fix it himself because “He would always know the stain was there, underneath,” but then Crowley blows the paint out of the coat and it’s somehow suddenly All Better?

That whole sequence, speaking as someone with what is considered ““clinically severe”” Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, was absolutely PEAK OCD logic. “I am upset by this thing and yes, I could “fix” it in a way that looks like I’ve fixed it from the outside looking in but it WON’T be fixed and it won’t FEEL right and I’ll still know something’s WRONG and I need someone to HELP me fix it” is an absolutely ENORMOUS OCD mood and here’s where, here’s where this series fuckin’ kills me:

Crowley doesn’t laugh. He doesn’t argue. Doesn’t question further. Doesn’t even say another word. He just fixes the problem. That’s not, in my experience, that just isn’t what happens in real life. In real life it turns into an interrogation scene, “Why can’t you just do it yourself? You’re being ridiculous. What the FUCK is wrong with you?” 

or worse 

“What exactly about this bothers you so much? Tell me why. Let me inside your brain and tell me where all the anxiety buttons are so that I know how to push them. This is for therapy. It’s to make you better. What do you mean you’re uncomfortable telling me every single secret fear you’ve ever known and all the most effective ways to hurt you? Don’t you want to get BETTER?”

Another thing, in that same scene, in contrast to other moments from throughout the series:

When Aziraphale is realizing-out-loud to Crowley that the gun is, in fact, a paintball gun, like it’s some big revelation, Crowley doesn’t call him stupid for it. He just nods along.

So many times throughout the series Aziraphale gets written off by the other characters as stupid, or as irrelevant, or not saying anything of value. Shadwell, the Nazis in the church, even the other Angels dismiss him. (“We’ve got better things to do than listen to your hypotheticals.”)

Crowley does it too, from time to time “What else am I going to be, an aardvark?” “Excuse me, ma’am, were you by any chance a nun here eleven years ago?” But in this particular moment, when Aziraphale is trying to reassert himself with a contribution to the conversation that is Normal and Useful after that extremely vulnerable moment of “I am mentally ill and having A Moment and I need your help in this time of irrational distress,” Crowley just. Lets him have it. Lets him explain the obvious thing, without mockery.

Here’s another thing, and this time it goes both ways:

Crowley and Aziraphale both tend to ramble on, babbling and meandering their respective ways to their eventual Point in ways that their professional colleagues have little patience for. Both are shown being cut off mid sentence by the denizens of Heaven or Hell at least once (perhaps most notably with Gabriel’s “Shut the FUCK up and DIE already!)

But when they’re together, they don’t. They don’t cut each other off. They may talk over one another in their excitement, but never once does either of them indicate that that other’s rambling is unwelcome. They wait for each other to get All The Words Out, no matter how long that takes, no matter how many detours. 

And if you’re a person with ADHD or who’s on the Autism spectrum or both who has spent your whole life watching people lose interest in what you are saying and then knowing the extremely rare, pure, undiluted joy of finding fellow neuroatypical friends who will listen and engage with you about anything and everything for seven fucking hours?? Fuck that onscreen relationship hits hard.

All this plus that VERY good post going ‘round about conditioned autistic behaviour versus comfortable autistic behaviour in the context of What Aziraphale Does With His Hands and, oof.

TL;DR I’m very mentally ill and I have a lot of feelings about seeing characters who seem to be operating the way my brain operates not being rebuked for it and being supportive of one another.

[iasipranked]

IASIP Episodes Ranked: #103 of 144 - The Gang Does A Clip Show

dir. Todd Biermann, written by Dannah Phirman and Danielle Schneider, aired October 17th, 2018, Season 13 Episode 7

summary: in an episode potentially set in dennis’s head, the gang remember scenes from their past (i.e. the show), and slowly forget what is real, being thrust into an inception-like reality where the gang inhabits the dream-minds of different members.

abby’s favourite line: ‘(scat singing) stop sucking and go’ -dee and charlie

luce’s favourite line: ‘i don’t remember dennis leaving’ -frank

positives:

they censored the r slur that was in the christmas ep clip!! it’s a little thing but means a whole lot

if you’re not aware, sunny’s official insta account posted this photo about the ep, confirming the theory that clip show is in fact all in dennis’ head...which makes so much fucking sense and opens up a great opportunity of learning about dennis’ emotions and fear and vulnerability

this whole episode is him wanting to be incredibly attached to reality, he does not like change, and all the big changes in his life (maureen, nd) have been purely impulsive, so now that he’s back to philly and the gang, he just wants to stay in the moment. he doesn’t even wanna reminisce in the beginning (maybe bc it brings us painful emotions he’d rather not think about?) but at the end, he’s the one that doesn’t want to stop reminiscing...but when everyones on their phones and it’s “reality” again, he says “thank god we’re back to normal”...literally his last line in s13, that is art 

since this is all in his head, he’s literally imagining the gang stopping him from leaving for north dakota, which says so goddamn much about idk if necessarily regretting the decision to leave, but regretting not saying out loud that this fucking scares him and he wants the gang to question him more and stop him from his impulsivity or if not stop, simply go with him so he’s not all alone in this new change

dennis allows himself to imagine all this scenarios instead of actually putting them out into the real world and making these things happen simply bc he’s terrified...it lets him live out the fantasy without truly feeling the consequences

this all just stems from dennis’ need to live that heteronormative life...he married maureen but then divorced her bc he realized thats not him and he left for nd but then came back bc he realized thats not him but he keeps craving this extravagant dream that he’ll never ever get, but he still holds onto it desperately. I'm not sure if he genuinely still has hope that he’ll achieve it, but it’s the only thing that keeps him going bc if he brings these fantasies into reality and really looks at who he is deep inside, he’s gonna break. his whole life will feel like a lie and he’ll feel maybe like a failure, bc he hasn’t done anything with his college degree, no stable income or wife or suburban home. the most stable things in his life are the gang and the bar. and even tho he knows it, and u can see him rlly loving the gang in s13, he’s still somewhat embarrassed to associate with them Only bc they’re not what he expected he would end up with. so he plays it off like he hates them or is gonna leave again and blah blah blah in the end he’s an emotional mess that loves his friends too much to admit it

it’s truly so cool how we can learn so much about a character without the character themselves explicitly saying/showing it...it’s easy to forget how much dimension this show has sometimes and this was kind of revolutionary in that aspect, demonstrating yet again how close these ppl are to each other and how much they rlly do care about each other, even if they don’t show it

also check out @araki-iasip katherine’s blog, she talks about this ep all the time and delves into all the little things, providing a huge amount of insight

long legged frank was the best part of this episode for a casual viewer... he reminds me of an insect

also while the point was to make fun of clip show episodes it is fun to look back on classic sunny moments as rcg views them!

rewatching this episode i completely forgot about the seinfeld bit and the fact that glennis and rob/mac were BOTH jerry is so funny they really are... like that

negatives:

even though this episode is canonically in den’s head, you probably wouldn’t know if you’re just a casual fan and/or don’t check sunny’s social media posts. it's unfortunate that something that makes for such interesting character analysis isn’t canon in the ep itself and isn’t available to all viewers unless you’re actively looking for it! 

apart from everything dennis, this episode was rather underwhelming? they definitely could have gone farther with the screwing up reality theme and expanding more on the nd plotline, macdennis, and the whole hating on mac thing, besides the little things they planted in that was more or less up to interpretation

the overall plot of this episode really doesn’t make sense - they spent too much time on the clip show aspect and then went on to try and make it about inception? too much... it’s too much packed into one episode and they could have achieved so much more if they went in with a solid aim.

tldr: while this episode was a little incoherent, it is still a really interesting and hard to come by look into dennis’ mind in season 13, provided you have the right context

[justlikeeddie]

black sails fic recs

I have got and continue to get so much enjoyment out of Black Sails and its fandom! It's so nice that this anniversary week of posts has made me realise it is two years since my dash was abruptly filled with people having full breakdowns over the S4 finale, and I was like, “man, I don’t know why this field of corn or whatever is so important, but I guess I should watch this show and find out”. And I did. AND IT WAS.

I don’t know how to make gifsets bcos I am an idiot, but luckily for this fan content Friday thing I CAN post a non-exhaustive list of fics in this fandom that I am absolutely obsessed with. You’re welcome!!!

Unaccommodated Man, The Peaceable Kingdom, and Congress by kvikindi / @septembriseur

James/Thomas, post-series

James looks at him, searching, and Thomas fears he will recognise that Thomas is not really Thomas, not quite Thomas, not the Thomas he had been, and so he says, “I have gone a little mad in this world without you, but now that you are here—” And James makes a sound, a sobbing, laughing sound, and crushes Thomas to him once more.

Like...obvs. This is one of the best series of stories I have read in any fandom, or, actually, that I have read in any context. Both on a macro level - with unbelievable fluency, this series encompasses trauma, recovery, intimacy, forgiveness, literature, the conception of madness, agriculture, 18th-century Native American tribal language, etc, etc - and a micro level, in which not a single word is wasted, and not a single sentence is unworthy of being read three or four times. Anyway. I have re-read all of these stories multiple times and Congress more times than I would admit to if I actually knew.

consider them both, the sea and the land by youremyqueen / @deathnoting

Flint/Silver, post-S3

Flint frowns, stiff and unbending, and leans down just a tad so that he is looking John directly in his eyes. If he’s uncomfortable with their proximity, he doesn’t let it show.

“Remember when you told me,” he grits slowly, each word weighted with emphasis, “that you had discovered the pleasure of being both loved and feared? Is that what you would like from me? It is not enough that you have earned my respect, my friendship. You would now like for me to be frightened of you as well?” His nostrils flare, his rage is quiet. “I am not one of your men.”

John can feel the words on his face and he bears them without flinching, says only, “And I am not one of yours.”

Flint’s brow twitches, and he moves a hair closer, disgustingly close, warm and sour with the smell of whiskey, a solid and immovable blockade between John and what he wants. And he says to him, of all the unbearable things, “Isn’t that exactly what you are?”

THIS IS LITERALLY THE FIC THAT CHANGED MY MIND ABOUT FLINT/SILVER. For like three whole series I just didn’t Get It. And then I read this and was like.....oh.....I Get It. It’s a weapon. Their attraction to each other is a weapon. And sometimes they like using it and sometimes they don’t. And I have never, my friends, looked back

and into what it will be changed by @sea-changed

James/Thomas/Miranda, pre-series

"The Hartfords left for the country last week," Miranda says; "they've merely invited us to view the painting. They cannot resist showing off, even in absentia." She and Thomas share a look, smirking at each other as if sharing an old joke. Then she looks back at James, and her mouth quirks up at him. "So you needn't worry about their judgement."

James considers protesting that that wasn't, exactly, what he was worried about, though upon second thought he wonders if it truly wasn't. "That's very kind," he says, hesitating.

"Is it?" Miranda asks, almost absently. "We do not invite you along as a kindness, Lieutenant; I believe I speak for both Thomas and I when I say we rather enjoy your company."

James feels his face heat, not unpleasantly, and he looks down at the carpet. Miranda is usually soft and kind, but occasionally she does this, speaks plain and pointed. She and Thomas both do this, push and keep pushing: Thomas seems to do so with curiosity, prodding until he finds something interesting, but Miranda does it as if she had already found the spot she wishes to target, and goes after it relentlessly. James thinks suddenly, and unexpectedly, that she would not make a bad Naval commander.

THIS IS LITERALLY THE FIC THAT CHANGED MY MIND ABOUT JAMES/THOMAS/MIRANDA. I used to be weirdly militant in the belief that James’s affairs with the Hamiltons only made sense if they were two separate affairs that didn’t even really overlap. And then I read this and was like....right okay....if they DID have a threesome it would have been like this

There’s Plenty of Men to Die by @autoeuphoric

Flint/Silver, post-S3

The five of them share a glance, passing it around the table, man to man. Flint’s mouth twitches and Madi laughs shortly. “I would wager every man here fancies themselves in charge. This is a meeting of chieftains. I say let it remain so.”

“Although…” Silver says slowly, pulling the others’ attention on to him. Flint’s eyes flick his way, and to his horror he realizes he has nothing else to say. No point, no segue, no plan for a redirection of the conversation. He had simply wanted Flint to look at him. A fierce longing for the days when it was just the two of them fills him, laying their plans together, even though the threat of sudden and nonnegotiable execution was much higher. But he knew where he stood. Here, there are complications. Confusions.

This is just a tiny little snatch of a scene but every beat of it is perfect! Silver navigating his obsession with Flint, in the midst of everybody navigating their new relationships with each other in the new fragile and tentative anti-colonial alliance.

a question of needs (and not rosary beads) by @seventymilestobabylon

James/Thomas, pre-series

Still: James wants to talk. If Thomas means this to be—what it is, what it clearly is, then he should have the fucking decency to say something about it. He also, and intensely, wants the whole business to be transacted without any conversation, but he knows better than to hope for that. Thomas is not capable of it, that implicit understanding. Even when he kissed James—

Thomas’s thumb very light at the hinge of his jaw. He felt a thrill like fear, when it happened.

Even then, Thomas said, “All right?” when it was over, and would have said more, except that James nodded mutely, minutely, and stammered something incoherent that required his presence elsewhere. Thomas and Miranda both looked hideously understanding about it, and James considered���as he walked home through ill-lit streets and inhaled familiar smells of smoke and fish and tar and shit—simply climbing aboard one of the ships in harbor and never returning to London.

This is one of the few pre-series fics I’ve read that really digs into James and Thomas’s incompatibilities and differences and misunderstandings - and sets them against how badly they want each other, and want to understand each other, nonetheless. Don’t get me wrong, obviously 1705 is The Only Time James McGraw Was Ever Allowed To Be Happy (tm), and I’m extremely into reading about him and Thomas making each other happy! But also - it’s so interesting to explore James being so frightened of how he feels about Thomas that he can be unkind to him, and Thomas being so immersed in how he feels about James that he can be complacent and sometimes a little thoughtless about it. And this pulls all of those things apart so well.

you and i survived by youremyqueen / @deathnoting

Anne/Jack, Vane/Jack, pre-series

“She’s not mine. That isn’t—we aren’t—I mean to say, do you actually understand what love is, Captain?”

“Love is possession,” Vane tells him, with his usual unselfconscious melodrama. “Not only of women by men, but of men by women. The point of owning a woman is to see to it that she doesn’t own you.” He speaks as if he’s explaining some very basic and widely known conceit.

Jack winces. “What a viciously horrible perception.”

Vane rolls his eyes. “Christ’s sake. Don’t you ever get tired of acting like a fucking woman?”

“Don’t you ever get tired of acting like a fucking man?”

And couldn’t they unpack that remark for days?

The extremely funny author’s note “if someone had told me two months ago that i would write a fic that featured charles ‘only straight person in nassau’ vane as a main character, i would not have believed them” is also a summary of how I feel about this fic. WHO KNEW that on top of every other fucking thing I have to care about in this fandom, I also care a LOT about Jack and Anne and Charles fuckin Vane! A principled, terrifying, Aslan-transfigured-into-a-human nightmare of a man! This fic is so excellent and does such justice to all of them. Their triumvirate gets kind of supplanted by the Max-Anne-Jack situation from S2 onwards, and I always forget how nuanced and odd and interesting this three-way dynamic is when we first meet them. This story does such a good job at trying to explain what the fuck that dynamic is.

Katabasis by unheroics

James/Thomas, pre-series, canon-divergent AU

There were Flint’s men, one leaving the cabin, another ransacking a chest for treasures, another still turning to speak to Randall; the words exchanged escaped Flint, as all else did, once his gaze fell to the Englishman.

He knelt barefoot on the deck, and wore the undyed, colourless linen of prison or asylum garments. For a precarious second Flint could only think that his hands had had nary a mark upon them, five years ago, and now were as scarred as those of a gamekeeper or veneur. He looked nothing like the man whose presence haunted Flint’s dreams, always at the corner of the vision, always cold to the touch and bleeding from the eyes and mouth.

In all his careful planning, and all his mirthless revenge, Flint had never thought to anticipate a variable in place of a set value. The presence of other men about was like an anchor at his feet, dragging him underwater, but it was Alfred Hamilton’s blood on his hands that kept him immobile.

“Will you kill me?” said Thomas Hamilton, in a voice harsh from paregoric. His tone had a note of morbid, queer hope. “I could pay.”

To spare you, or kill you? It was excruciating to wonder.

One of the very first James/Thomas fics I read! And certainly one of the first fics I read that started to probe and pull apart the McGraw-Flint dichotomy, by literally dropping Thomas right in the middle of it. And while the actual end of S4 is, obviously, the greatest and most narratively and emotionally satisfying thing that has ever happened on television, and you can quote me on that - one thing we do never get in canon is Thomas in Nassau, and I love getting to read that here.

[pilferingapples]

Episode Four Part One: Cosette Wants to Be Part of That World, No Not That One, The One Without Thenardiers In It

OKAY this is not going to be a proper recap or anything , I am just.  This Show.  This is not gonna be a Happy Recap. 

Episode Four starts with Cosette as a teenager in the convent, and ends pretty much right after the Gorbeau raid. So that’s our ...framing set of events, here, because I have no idea what year it is or how much time any of this is supposed to be taking?  ANYWAY HERE WE GO, under the cut for abuse, domestic abuse, child abuse, sexual abuse, weird incest vibes, discussions of lots of things and me probably cursing a lot!  There is a LOT going on in this one!  So much that I’m actually gonna try cutting it into two parts, a Cosette Recap/Reaction post and a Marius Recap/Reaction post! This is part one, Cosette’s side:

 I am not pretending this is a totally thorough recounting or anything , I’ve only gotten to see it once and I spent most of it reeling; but also given the garbage Davies talked about the women in the novel I am cutting NO slack on his ~~interpretations of their characters, he doesn’t get the benefit of a doubt after calling Cosette nauseating 

that said LET’S GO

Cosette has her friends in the convent, and they all talk about growing up and getting out, which, LEGIT , and then they’re sad when they remember she’s been promised to Be A Nun. Cosette runs to see Valjean afterwards and he hugs her so tight she says he’ll crush her and he goes “oooh are you such a fragile thing, I’m just excited to see you” which is like...such a minor line but so telling in context, because he noticeably does NOT say sorry OR let go right away, she’s gotta go “sometimes you don’t know your own strength” which is WORRYING for a guy who’s kinda Superman!  and anyway then she tries to tell Valjean she isn’t sure about being a nun and she wants to check out the rest of the world first and Valjean argues with her and is like 

--seriously he’s all THE WORLD OUTSIDE IS HORRIBLE, YOU’VE SEEN THE WORLD, THOSE INNKEEPERS IN MONTFERMEIL like  he just goes on about how doesn’t she want to be safe and loved and with him forever?? Doesn’t she know everyone else is EQUIVALENT TO HER VIOLENT ABUSERS, jfc 

so much for the Dawn of Love with Cosette or his time with the nuns teaching Valjean to see any good in the world or any humility in his own righteousness I GUESS but oh well who needs that, He Yell, that’s all a manly man does, you don’t UNDERSTAND he was in PRISON, there is no Character Depth left for him! THE WORLD HAS TAKEN IT AWAY. 

anyway Cosette gets him to let her escape and they head out and we see what is MAYBE the last we’ll get of Simplice? Who knows in this, but she’s like “it’s not like it was before you came in, the streets are full of anger” which like...they are but also it’s early 19C Paris, when are the streets NOT Full of Anger:P  ANYWAY they head out and the streets are INSTANTLY full of nothing but Beggars, Crime, and people passed out in the road; which, probably realistic, but also Cosette is just horrified because being sympathetic and kind is for Nauseating Flimsy Characters :) and Valjean of course WANTS her to hate the world so hey Everything’s Going According to Keikaku then there’s the house on Rue Plumet and it’s Nice (also there’s Toussaint! who is now a gorgeous middle aged woman instead of an old woman. It doesn’t matter, at least not yet, we never see her again, hi Toussaint bye Toussaint) but Cosette gets tired of being cooped up in it after...a week? an afternoon? So she and Valjean go walking in the Luxembourg, and Cosette gets to run around like the kid she still really is, and she sees all the nice outfits (YES that dress really is her Ugly Convent Dress, I’m so glad) so it’s time for Cosette to get a MAKEOVER SEQUENCE and I could not be more glad because that dress is Terrible Unfortunately it’s also time for Valjean to call himself Fauchelevent for...no reason, and to call Cosette his NIECE for NO REASON so when she comes out and calls him Papa the shopclerk is like “...?!? Sweet..?” and Valjean gets a ~~sexy~~ peep between the curtains at Cosette in her underwear and I SEE YOU DAVIES, I SEE WHAT THIS IS BECOMING, DO NOT

Valjean and Cosette go for a walk in the Luxembourg and NOW Cosette is...well the BBC wants us to think she’s well dressed so let’s pretend, and Marius follows her and Valjean drops his handkerchief and Cosette runs back to get it and she and Marius are all “hiiiii” and Marius is like about to sniff the handkerchief and she goes “oh it’s my dad’s “ like WAY TO KILL THE GAG BEFORE IT EVEN STARTS, DAVIES  then she takes the handkerchief back to Valjean and he asks why she was talking to That Young Man and then he frigging DRAGS HER out of the Luxembourg and she’s like “we’re going too fast! You’re hurting my wrist!!” and this Valjean does not care! At all! they just BOOK IT  later on her wrist is still hurting and they have a whole fight and she accuses him of keeping her locked up alone like it’s a prison and he’s like UH CHECK UR PRIVILEGE THIS IS NOT A PRISON, also Young Men Only Want One Thing!!! THE WORLD IS DANGEROUS AND YOU’RE NOT FIT FOR IT

only The Crown is Sex 

ALSO in all this mess, Valjean tell Cosette about Fantine! “oh yeah also I fired your mom (for lying like a liar, be sure you know about that, SHE LIED ) and  she went into desperate poverty, and then I couldn’t save her, and she died from the circumstance I directly put her in, and THAT’S HOW COSETTES ARE FOUND” and it’s 

really something

anyway all that and also the definite memory of Montfermeil are going into all these later scenes okay 

so Valjean takes Cosette out the day after their fight (I GUESS??) to ...see the prison wagons coming into town

because this Valjean isn’t traumatized to the point of dissociating by seeing this, he’s doing it as some kind of Moral Lesson/ Conversation Starter with Cosette 

and Cosette, because now she’s been Fixed and she’s a Strong Female Character, is repulsed by poor people and suffering, so she asks not in innocence but in horror “Are they men” and Valjean is like “yes men like me” and Cosette freaks out and gets a whole “if one of them even looked in my face I’d probably die??” speech and asks Valjean if he’s brought her here to punish her and he’s like “noooo of course not” but honestly YA KIND OF DID, DUDE, you got mad at her and brought her here to show her Your Pain and make her carry your emotional water instead of considering that HEY maybe a kid has a right to grow up and that Two Things Can Both Be Bad and she’s his child and it’s not her job to raise him  

Instead he’s trying to tell her about his Tragic Backstory when Eponine comes running up to them with a letter from Thenardier and COSETTE REMEMBERS MONTFERMEIL and is clearly freaked out, but Valjean gives Eponine money and agrees to go see her family

So after trying to make her carry HIS emotional trauma, Valjean takes Cosette to see the people who are directly responsible for HERS, and talks with Thenardier and all and is...acting like he doesn’t know them?? while Cosette is in the background going tharn because THESE ARE THE EXACT PEOPLE WHO VIOLENTLY ABUSED HER FOR YEARS AND SHE REMEMBERS ALL OF IT, so instead of this scene illustrating Cosette’s growth and healing and kindness we get it showing off her trauma and pain and fear, because that’s how you make a character Strong and Optimistic apparently

Fortunately after this Valjean takes her home and comforts her and reassures her and HAHAHAHAH I’m kidding, he’s going back to the Gorbeau place to give them money and says this will get the Thenardiers out of their lives forever but without any indication at all of HOW 

-- digression: this series keeps making changes in character knowledge and timelines without any apparent thought to how this should affect the actual CHARACTERS and it’s probably responsible for at least a third of how incoherent this episode is?? -- end digression 

Anyway now it’s time to Leave Cosette for a while, but don’t worry! She’ll be waiting, alone and terrified, until the controlling adult who’s the closest thing she has to protection returns, dramatically wounded,  from the encounter with adults who tried to pimp her out as a child!:D  Good thing she’s been made so Strong and Optimistic! 

[velvet-tread]

A theory, or wild speculation, or whatever; anyway there’s some Bellarke

Here follows a collection of thoughts that don’t quite add up to a thesis yet

Season 5 had one of the best runs of episodes I’ve seen on this show ever - strong themes, great setups, impactful character beats. 9 straight episodes of near-perfection.

But imo it fell short in the last couple of episodes. How short depends on your perspective, but my feelings about it range from mildly disappointed to Jane Austen mourning weeds and little weepy handkerchiefs. Either way - the collapse into fudgy incoherence and loose ends actually undid all of the great work the show did in the first 9 episodes.  WHICH IS FUCKING INFURIATING. 

The show painstakingly put together so much excellent character and relationship set ups which either never materialised or didn’t pay off or just fizzled out. And now I’m left wondering what it all meant, which not only frustrates me on a viewer level but also makes me feel like an idiot for wildly overestimating what the show was doing with the material.

*looks at the X Files forever*

Just to pick a few things out at random.

a) Bellarke were put in conflict, but there was no emotional pay-off, the framing was all over the place and the resolution basically a post-script. 

b) We spent the series agonising about the wisdom of going to war on a fragile planet, but the actual harbinger of Apocalypse 3.0 (I can’t believe I have to write that) was someone only tangentially related to that storyline, whom every single named character bar Kabby was trying to stop. So was everyone wrong? Or just ineffectual? The latter is far less interesting and more depressing tbh.

c) The worms

d) Memori

e) I could go on

I repeat, I would not be so pernickety if the run up to the s5 finale hadn’t been so good, and the set up so promising.  The idea of a reboot was genius.  The Bellarke separation was genius.  Blodreina = genius.  Mama Bear Clarke = genius. Eligius = genius. Spacekru = genius. 

But ultimately?  Can ANYONE tell me what s5 meant?  What difference did any of those things make in the end?  What conflict was resolved satisfactorily?  I’d argue that the Blodreina/Blake siblings arc worked the best (although *howl* Bellamy was never given any in-universe context for Blodreina) but generally I’m left with the feeling that very few of these stories or conflicts had any meaning whatsoever, and especially not Bellarke.

So I have a theory and I stand to be corrected as ever because I am very much processing.

I think there’s a strong possibility Jason and/or the 100 writers room began rewriting the back end of season 5 as they were filming the early season 5 material.

Given Jason’s comments immediately after the finale, I’m inclined to believe that the rewrites, if I’m right, were mostly around Bellarke and the Flame.  Specifically, I think that at some point when they were filming mid-season, Jason changed his mind about how Bellarke-y he wanted the season to be, if at all.  And on top of that, I think as he was pitching season 6 around that time, he realised that he wanted to go full-hog with the Flame in season 6. 

Those two things might be connected.  Perhaps Jason realised the full extent to which he coud “bring Lexa back” without actually bringing back ADC, around the Flame.  Perhaps he wants to recreate the show’s Clexa glory days.  And perhaps romantic Bellarke isn’t compatible with that vision. Dumb, in my view, but hey.

Perhaps, he just realised that he can’t doesn’t want to write romantic Bellarke.

If that’s the case, then well, *shrugs*.  Less satisfying for me, but I don’t own this shit.  I do, however, own the prerogative to speculate wildly on how and why they squandered all that promise in the last couple of eps.

Certainly, a mid-season back end emergency rewrite would explain a few things:

1.The loose threads and wonky framing

For example, Clarke’s fury at Bellamy for putting the Flame into Madi’s head was just...dropped?  Why? When it was SUCH A BIG DEAL in 509?  What were we supposed to the think about that?  What was she? And Bellamy, who didn’t appear to even remember who Clarke was until he saw her at the ship, being angry at her? Really? Where? Since when? And importantly - why? 

I’m a writer and it’s my experience that the best planning you do for a piece is when you approach it at the start.  You brainstorm.  You get your thoughts together.  You address each problem and question and mould it into a whole so it all makes sense.

But when you finish the thing and you look at it and you think - the thesis is wrong! I need to restructure the entire thing!  That’s when mistakes get made.  Especially if, for example, you’re up against a deadline or in this case a filming schedule, the threads that you would usually pick up at the planning stage or in the editing stage get missed.  And because they are part of the final editing process, there’s nobody around to pick them up and properly address them.

Result?  Fudge.

2. The curious ambivalence about Becho. 

Look I ADORE Becho. They are soft, and loving and real af.  I fully believe that was always intended to be the case. 

I think Becho was set up as a benchmark, for Bellamy in particular, a symbol of his peace and prosperity in space,. And, of course, I think it was also set up as a point of conflict for Octavia and Clarke. In the case of the latter, it was definitely a silent love triangle. How do you explain the love triangle framing on two separate occasions? How else do you explain the two separate interviews Jason gave about love triangles?

But here’s what Becho was not set up as: a relationship that was supposed to develop on-screen and take the audience with it.  Becho had no arc this season. It wasn’t “a story” per se, however much Tasya and Bob’s chemistry electrified me. It was the backbone to *other* stories. 

So, why, then, were Becho given every single Bellarke beat, especially towards the end? A background of forgiveness? Check. A steadying influence on each other. Check. The person they’re fighting for? Check. Plotting together? Check? Battle couple? Check.

Contrast with Bellarke. Forgiveness?  That’s something for Bellamy and Madi to discuss without Clarke!  Battle plans? Clarke will do that with Echo instead (oh my GODDD my ot3 came to life there *clutches hands and wishes upon a star*). A steadying influence on each other? Maybe! Until they forget each other’s names when they’re not in a scene together! People they’re fighting for? Definitely not each other.

Meanwhile bts, the messages were VERY confusing.  So the show was giving us a Becho that, while very real, was not the core of the story. Which was probably why, in early season 5, some deep Becho nods (the extra forehead touch, the “I love her”) found their way on to the editing room floor. All legit. But then, the script-to-screens then BROUGHT THOSE THINGS BACK to the viewer’s attention?  Why? Why give us those things even though they were cut? Was it because maybe, the show had changed direction after the fact?

And don’t get me wrong. I loved every second of the show’s affirmation of Becho. I still adore them.  But how does it fit into the jigsaw of the show as it stands?  It doesn’t really.  In fact, if you just swap Echo for Clarke in Bellamy’s storyline this season, you would have a hard time telling me that this isn’t exactly what romantic Bellarke would look like - the only difference is that in terms of screentime, Becho’s antagonism has had far more time, and Bellarke’s forgiveness/working together has had more time. IN-UNIVERSE, IT’S THE OTHER WAY AROUND.  It’s why shipping Becho comes so easily for me. And if the show wanted to frame that as Clarke’s personal tragedy, I would get it and probably relish it. But the trouble is, I’m having a hard time understanding what the show *is* saying about Becho and Bellarke, because it seems to be constantly changing its mind.

WHICH. BY THE WAY. MADE THAT ENTIRE WAKE-UP MARPER VLOG SEQUENCE A MASSIVE DAMP BELLARKE SQUIB.

SORRY.

3. The Flame suddenly jumping to prominence as a tool rather than as a symbol late in the season.

The show went from framing the Flame as a threat to this kid, who had hidden from it her whole life, for whom it meant literal nightmares of people burning at the stake, something for Clarke to rightly protect her from, to something that turned her into a mouthpiece for Lexa, to Clarke’s hostility to it being framed as “wrong”. There was an abrupt change of tone imo, to Clarke’s fears being justified to Clarke’s fears making her, and I quote Jason from an interview that nearly made me choke on my cereal, a “helicopter” mum.

Excuse me while I punch the nearest object to smithereens.

The Flame “gave” Madi battle ideas (which were different from Octavia’s how, exactly?) by Gaia’s bedside, with just a MANTRA? That whole scene felt cobbled together at the last minute. Like a film student’s badly edited homework.

It’s giving Clarke life lessons, ffs! 

*clenches fist*

The whole thing feels like a season 5 retcon, hastily put together to justify Madi still having the thing in her head for season 6, when it can do it’s victory lap for real.

4. The scenes that were dropped

a) Bob and Eliza both referenced a big Bellarke scene that got cut.  My guess? Not a romantic scene but some kind of Hakeldama that allowed them to hash out their various beefs with each other and probably involved some shit talking about the Flame.

b) And like, if that scene had some tenderness in it? Too Bellarke maybe? No, Bellarke BAD BAD BAD *stern looks*

c) also, wasn’t Echo supposed to have a sad scene of sitting in the snow and remembering Azgeda? That was supposed to be at the snowy back end of the season, but Echo had no sads really.  Only fierce spacekru love and some cuddles and some good sexy time. Was there an Echo sad that got cut? What was it related to?

5. The writers room walkout

Yeah. I don’t know what that means, but it sure means something.

Just fyi...for some context.  I love Becho and they currently own my heart but until recently Bellarke was very much my otp. Probably, deep down, it still is.

But I’m getting tired of running this race. I have no problem with the show doing a slow burn. I have no problem with platonic Bellarke. But I need consistency and, importantly, I need the show to remember that Bellarke are the backbone of this show. Their relationship - however you frame it - is the heart and without it the show is nothing but a collection of Elon Musk conspiracy theories on reddit.

JUST LETTING THEM HAVE A CONVERSATION =/= BELLARKE ROMANCE.

If you want them platonic, fine, you win. But gutting their relationship from the inside out to try to ward off the sniff of shipping is just counterproductive. It’s the lack of real, meaningful connection that really turned me off Bellarke this season, not the lack of kiss or lack of romantic framing. Early in the season? Yes, the set up was all there and it looked GREAT. But their conflict never got off the ground and we never got a cathartic resolution to show us the characters really, truly mean something to each other. 

Ultimately the show forgot that they were friends who love each other, and I just *clenches fist* can’t ship that.  Maybe that’s what the show wanted. But the flipside is that at this point I’m not really invested in their relationship in any context, which is why the end shot left me cold. I hope Bellarke hasn’t died in my heart forever but...idk it doesn’t look good.