#Pregnancy failures

[safely-in-vhagars-belly]

Princess of Dragonstone: Chapter 19. Final chapter before the end.

Description: Daella became Aemonds prisoner and learned the importance of magic from her half sister, Alys. Things werent as they appeard and now everyone will pay the price for it.

warnings: Major character death, Targaryen insanity, magic, Alys rivers, Pregnancy failures, childloss and childmurder, hallucinations and stillborns, blood, choking servants, abusing servants, calling a stillborn child a monster unintended suicide

I'm soulless but this made me cry.

Aemond did not bother to join me for bed that night. I would not have let him into our rooms anyway. I am too busy hugging my stillborn child, my beautiful little boy.

Isn’t it poetic that Aemond will never be able to become a father, after he never had one himself? I like to think it is.

Eventually, one of the maids of Aemond disturbs me. No one did that day. They all ignored me. Alicent, the Queen, the King. They all were busy mourning their own losses when I was giving birth to my most beautiful creation. ‘’M-my lady…’’She gawks at my eyeless, winged boy. I shoot her a glare that will hopefully remind her who she is speaking off. ‘’I-I brought the prince a blanket, my lady. As you requested.’’ She wants to grab my son, my sweet son. I smack her hands away, causing her to cry out. I take the blanket from her as she drops it, wrapping it around my special son.

The insolent wench keeps eyeing us, worry and concern written in her eyes. The wench dares to question me. The wench dares to bother me. ‘’Good. Now leave us. I wish to be alone with my son.’’ I announce to her, cradling my sweet boy. He is the only thing giving me joy. He is all I live for. I finally found peace in a way that I never would imagine that motherhood would grant me.

The maid gulps before speaking, as if she knows that she is making a grave mistake. She tries to take the child from my arms. She tries to take away my son. ‘’He’s dead, my lady. He never lived. He came outside of you, silent as the grave. He does not have eyes, my Lady. He’s a mon-’’ I put my son down in his cradle. Before she can finish her sentence and call my son an awful name, I have wrapped my hands around her throat and started choking with all my might, as I try to snap her neck as if its a unworthy stick of wood.

The wench cried out and its hard to believe I once tried to save her life by whoring myself to Aemond. I just want her to shut up. I want everyone to just shut up. ‘’My lady! Grgk!’

I chuckle with a voice much unlike my own. ‘’You dare, call my son, the prince of Dragonstone, a monster?’’ I eye my son, but he is still safely in his crib. Good. If anyone touches him…

It will be the last thing they feel before they die. ‘’Please, my lady. He is. You must cremate him and move on. You are slowly becoming dangerous my lady.’’ Cremate him? Why would I? He is my son. He will never leave me. They took too much from me. No one will take anything from me again. Not my son.

I laugh, in her face. ‘’I never was not dangerous. I just lied to myself. I don’t want to lie anymore. My son, he is all I have. Do you understand? Aemond and his whore-bitch took it all from me. I will bathe in their blood.’’

"Stop!" Of course. I turn around, still choking the maid. Aemond is there. He is here. Good. He is next.

I lash out, forgetting he is supposed to mean nothing to me. ‘’She called him a monster. She called him a monster!” I softly mumble the rest of the words, as tears burst from my eyes and sobs rock my body. Aemond sighs before taking my hands from her throat. She runs off instantly.

‘Where is she.’’ I ask him, without looking in his direction. I notice his brows start to knit together with worry and concern as he takes in our son.

Aemond is surprised. ‘’You haven’t cremated him yet.’’ I would rather throw myself in the flames than offer my innocent babe to it.

I smile, chuckling. Aemond doesn’t know. Aemond’s stupid. He always has been blinded. Not by his eye, but by his bloodlust, his greed, his ambitions. ‘’You will not touch him. You have no right to touch the future king of the seven Kingdoms.’’

Aemond becomes uneasy. ‘’Are you hearing yourself speak?! You’ve gone insane.’’ Now it is his throat that I am holding. ‘’Who’s to blame for that? Is it our blood causing the insanity, or is it our lifes full of tragedy and never-ending heartbreak.’ Aemond easily kicks himself free, kicking me in my stomach. The wounds have not yet healed. He does help me up once I have let go of him.

‘’Where is she.’’ I grit out. ‘’I need to stop her. We all need-’’

‘’You are delirious.’’

‘’I don’t care anymore. I don’t care about anything anymore. Do you have any idea what it is like, pushing something out of you that is cold and dead?’’ I chuckle. Of course he doesn’t. His face softens. ‘’Daella…’’

‘’I did this for you! I wanted you back! You only cared about me for some pity revenge against my mother! It was never about me! It was always about you, you and you!’

He becomes insulted. Good. ‘’Daella!’

‘’Go back to Harrenhal. Go fucking fuck that whore sister of mine, and fuck yourself into a early grave. You will never lay with me again. He will be our only son. If you ever become as stupid as to bring your witchling children here, I swear they won’t survive to see the next day.’’

‘’You dare threaten my children?’’ He groans. I only chuckle.

‘’You dared to murder ours. I have nothing left, Aemond….’’ I notice that the crib is empty. Empty as I feel inside. I run to the crib, when desperate screams leave my body. ‘’No, no no no! My son! My beautiful baby boy!’

Aemond is shocked as well. ‘’That is impossible.’’

I am close to ripping my own hair out. ‘’It is not! Don’t you understand? She has taken him! She needs him!’’ Why is he so stupid. And why can’t I tell him what I want?

Aemond scoffs. ‘’She needs our dead son?’’

This man. ‘’Aemond, it was never about you.’’ Alys appears, finally. She rubs her pregnant belly mockingly and smiles when kissing Aemond’s cheek. ‘’You have tried very hard to put a son inside me. Unfortunately, I don’t have use for our child.’’ With a simple wave of her wrist a blade appears. She drives it through her own stomach, cutting out the child. Aemond bristles in anger and fear.

She turns to look at me. ‘’And you, little sister. Torn in my eye…’’ I have barely any energy left to fight. The voices speak loud. They scream. They tell me that Alys is pregnant. It is over for all of us. It will be over for all of us soon.

Aemond defends me but he is too late. ‘’You will not hurt her.’’ I need to find him. I need to protect him. He cannot be the monster she wants him to be. Alys will make him a weapon. She will destroy him and this world.

The witch chuckles as I bite my fingers, trying to find my son under pillows. ‘’I don’t have to Aemond.’’ ‘’You did it for me. Just look at her. She has gone fully mad, the poor thing.’’

Aemond realises that Alys kills me, but he handed her the knife. ‘’Stop. You are doing this. I know you are. Make her stop. I can’t bare to see her like this.’’

I repeat more and more phrases, faster and faster as my vision starts to blur. ‘’Pregnant. She’s pregnant. It’s all over. The blade, the dagger. The song of ice and fire. The seed is strong, the dragons danced, its over. Protect the blade.’’

I laugh. ‘’My son…I must…find…my…son.’’ I see him, outside of the windows. He smiles at me, my son. He is beautiful. He is flapping his wings, he is free and his eyes. They are beautiful. Almost seen through. Like two perfect diamonds. My beautiful boy. I must go to him. Now.

Aemond can’t move to stop me as I rush to the window and let myself fall down. Aemond can hear how my body splashes against the ground, before likely bursting into different pieces ‘’No!’’

[skunkes]

can i ask why ur getting the surgery? /gen curious /no hate

i am getting a bi(lateral)salp(ingectomy) bc i never want to be pregnant or be a parent!

Even if i do change my mind later about the parent thing (not super likely but things can change, sure) theres noooo shortage of single parents lmao

And even if I never End Up In The Circumstance(s) Where I COULD Become Pregnant in my life, I'd want the peace of mind anyway...

I've always felt disgusted that this is something my body is capable of. I want it to be MY body and not a site and vessel for potential tragedy in any direction. And I want it to be something permanent and not dependent on access to services/medicines or even laws!!! Dis is a gender affirming surgery for me honestly...

[playingplayer2]

X/Twitter link

[thepeacefulgarden]

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[cloud-based-and-rainpilled]

Using all my bisexual powers to write a tomshiv/tomgreg oneshot smut fic with a reference to Temple Grandin; talk about Succ Sundays!

[stephocrates]

women have managed to take the term “weaponized incompetence” and water it down to a gendered term that basically means “everything mistake men make is on purpose to piss you off” which is sooo disingenuous and pathetic. first of all you’ve watered down what it actually means to be weaponizing your incompetence, which is a real manipulation tactic. secondly you’ve created this narrative where even a man’s most innocent mistake implies this man has bad intentions or he hates women or whatever the fuck. and third, you’re completely ignoring that weaponized incompetence is not exclusive to men and in fact I’d make the claim everyone has weaponized their incompetence at some point in their lives whether that be with your parents or your job or whatever.

[outerspacedunce]

stupid whining about baby making under the cut. literally just me being a very sad and jealous potato.

i want to be a parent.

chances are either me or my partner are infertile or have issues conceiving for some reason because in 11 years, we just haven't despite not using birth control for the majority of it. idk, we're going to look into it very soon while we continue trying.

but today i find out my partner's little sister is pregnant. i want to be happy for her but i am unfortunately very jealous, especially because she is a decade younger than me (I'm almost 32) and it took her? A year? Maybe?

i am jealous and heartbroken because my period is starting. so that's another failed attempt. i feel like i am running out of time to do this one stupid thing i am biologically made to do. and it's an important thing to me. i want a kid. it seems so easy for so many who don't even want it, but i am literally in the best position to have a child, and i can't seem to do it.

i just want to cry about it honestly. i have done all the right things to be in the right place to raise a healthy child and it just feels like it won't happen.

[yesyourstalker]

Neta: training day, training day we're all here for training day. How are we all doing today?

Antho: it is 7:30 in the morning

Neta: yehhhh sorry about that but I have to train everyone and teach them how to close and open my store. So unfortunately for you...Antho. You also have to learn how to open.

Anto: *huff*

Neta: great! The mall is closed. It opens around 10:00 but we have to get here around 7:00. The first thing that I or mahi does is count money, fill the registers. While you guys have to unpack inventory, unload inventory from the trucks annnnd clean up the store. So that means folding shirts, picking up miscellaneous items. Make it look nice and presentable.

Vinny: what do we do first?

Neta: so what we usually do first is to fill the registers. So let's just go to the back here where the money machine is.......It's also my office so if you need anything feel free to come back here. The managers are in charge of withdrawing the money. You guys are responsible for depositing the money....so we usually get $100 worth of 20s for each register $50 worth of 5s, 10s we usually get $30 worth and and another $100 worth of 1s

Fugue: is that the amount we have to do every time?

Neta: this is usually the amount we put in but it can also change depending on how busy it is or how slow it is. So you know if you guys ever become a manager just go with your hunch and how much money you need the day.

Neta: All right so we got the money. Put them in the registers. Safety rule you can never deposit or withdraw the money by yourself. You have to have someone with you at all times just in case something happens.

Anto: like what?

Neta: well a lot can happen

Vinny: I knew this guy who used to stay in the store until closing and when employees were taking the register to the back. He'd push them and snatch the register and run out the door.

Anto: I'm assuming that person was you

Vinny: actually it was my babysitter. He used to watch me and my sister's all the time, he was a nice guy

Neta: ok let's change the subject so after we put in the registers. We go back to the back, the second door to the left next to my office is receiving I also call it storage and you can call it whatever you want.

Naomi: this is a lot bigger than I expected

Neta: yeah it is. We keep boxes back here. New releases, old releases, limited releases

Fugue: what happens when it get overcrowded?

Neta: usually when it gets overcrowded we have a big sale. So we don't do this every morning but this morning we had a truck today. So we go over here......... Lift up this door and you can see the cargo entrance.... It's only a few boxes.

Antho: and you expected to unpack all this?

Neta: No, you have to unload and then unpack.... And their specific ones that you can unpack and then the rest you can leave in the back. Looking at the labels you only need to unpack the 15 and keep the 20 in the back....ok... I'm going to split you guys into groups Vinny and I are going to stay back here to unload fougu you can unpack the items.

Vinny: great this is going to be easy.

Fugue: do you provide a box cutter?

Neta: yep I got a whole desk full in my office just to pick one out. Everything with a blue label we open up immediately. Anything with an orange label we don't open until the set date on it.

Vinny: what about the pink label?

Neta: those we don't open up until next month Those are splat fest tees.

Antho: splatfest tees??? So if we open those boxes we know which splat fest is going to be next

Neta: yeah totally... You also get an automatic termination and blacklisted not only from all the stores in the mall but also around the city. So.............you want to play some stupid games and win some stupid prizes? I'm serious like I'm not even allowed to open it I had to sign a waiver and everything

Antho: that sucks

Neta: yeah I know.....ok....you and Miss Naomi..... you're just going to have to pick up the store You know clean it up. Fold shirts. Organize everything... We do have a system. Everything with the green tag has to be folded. Everything with a red tag is hung up on the rack. Everything with a purple tag is hung up in the front of the store. Any questions?

Antho: I have a question

Neta: what's your question?

Antho: what happened to your ear?

Neta:.............................................................. Do you have any questions regarding your job?

Naomi: is there the proper way we have to fold the shirts

Neta: Great question. we fold them into rectangles so it's small and it gives us space for more shirts. So fold two times on each end....... and you put it together and.......here we go! Make sure that the band or logo is visible. And for the hanging clothes he puts the smallest in the front and largest in the back. ..... Anything else?

Antho: hu-

Neta:No great........ Antho come with me for a sec.

Antho: Am I fired already?

Neta: No, you're not fired and just going to need to ask a quick favor. Listen........You can be as mean and rude as you want to be with me. You can't hurt my feelings....* Inhale*....... The customers on the other hand..........unless they deserve it and trust me there are going to be some people who definitely deserve it but for the ones who don't.... please be nice. Okay?

Antho: ......................

Neta: and also be nice to your fellow employees. I know underneath this little meanie personality you have is a nice kind person

Antho: No, there isn't

Neta: Yes there is and I can sense it and you know what goes great with a nice kind person?

Antho: a reality check

Neta: No. Another nice kind person to keep them company........That's why you'll be working with Naomi! Yayyy!!! you two are going to be sharing the same shifts!! You're going to have a shift buddy.

Antho: whaat? Why?

Neta: because..... She's a nice girl. She's really sweet..... and she's also kind of sensitive and I don't think she'll be able to handle some of our.........

Antho: asshole customers?

Neta: yeah ............ Just be there to back her up if needed. You know I don't want anyone making her cry. Can you do that for me? Can you do this one small gesture or are you just incapable of kindness?

Antho: ..........ugh..... fine I'll help her.......... You better pay me extra

Neta: I'll make you an employee of the month.

_______________________________________________

Antho:.....................

Naomi:....................

Antho:.......so............ What's your deal?

Naomi: hm?

Antho: why are you working here?

Naomi: oh...uh........um........I just....... wanted to get out of the house....... ...... yeah

Antho: hmm k..................* Inhale* * exhale*.........(Tap ..Tap.)................ So like you live around here?

Naomi: oh yeah.....I-i do It's usually just one train stop......

Antho: hmmmmmm...... I know you said that you weren't allowed to like disclose what manga you used to work on but like

Naomi: I work on "turf war heart break" and " I love princess Nami "

Antho:I think I saw Vivy read one of those...hm... Probably not....... So you got permission to talk about your work and you won't get fired or anything will you?

Naomi: ............ I only said I wasn't allowed to disclose because I was embarrassed...... I didn't know how y'all would react.

Antho: oh.........well.... They're popular books..... So do you write it or draw it or?

Naomi: I just do outlines for the books That's it............

Antho: that's cool....................

Naomi:........................... I actually work on my own stuff when I'm free.

Antho: oh..... So what's your book about

Naomi: well I'm still working on it. I still haven't gotten the plot or the characters. I'm so just writing ideas down. It's nothing. I'm sorry I'm actually just-

Neta: so how's everything up in the front?

Naomi: * gasp* uhhhh....umm

Antho: we're finished

Neta: I can see that the store looks great! Good job you two

Antho: hum

Naomi:. Hmmm thank you

Neta: well it's around 8:00. Everything is unloaded and unpacked. We just need to take it from the back and put it to the front. We'll do this until 9:45

_______________________________________________

Neta: We're all done and it's........ Oh it's only 9:30. Usually that takes longer

Fugue: it could be because you have more people here

Neta: yeah, that's true..... Well while we wait, I guess I can teach you guys how to use the register. It's not hard at all let me put it on training mode and-

Warabie: GOOD MORNING!

Seth: hey guy .....

Neta: Good morning ... . Hey Candi.. ..... You look..... You look great babe....... Look at you you're glowing

Candi: uh huh .... yeah.......* Mumbling*

Antho: did she get hit by a bus this morning? Geez

Neta: shh!...

_______________________________________________

Neta:ok we're going to learn how to use the register warabie is going to be right here to help you

Warabie: hi guys

Neta: alright so .... Vinny why don't you go first?

Vinny: alright!

Neta: Great! I'm going to be customers and hand you this item right here so can you ring that up for me?

Vinny: ok...... That will be....... $8 cash or card?

Neta: I'm going to split it

Vinny: ok.. so how do I-

Warabie: so you're going to go to split payment. If they give you cash first you press the cash icon you put in the exact amount that they give you. If they do the card first you go to the card icon and then you put in the exact amount they want to pay. Once the card is approved you take the cash and put it in the register.

Vinny: ok ...... So how much do you want to pay in cash

Neta: I'm going to pay... $4 in cash the rest of my card

Vinny: ok great....... All right, that's something hard to do

Neta: see it's easy. Antho You're up next

Antho: alright...... How can I help you today?.........

Neta: well I like to return this please

Antho:.....k........... I'm assuming you're returning these short shorts because it's not your size.

Warabie: *snort* ha! Hehehe I'm sorry....hehehehe.. that's not funny hehe....*ahem*...... be serious Antho.

Neta:................... Just return it

Antho: I'd love too but I don't know how to do that. So I guess you're stuck with this. If it makes you feel any better, we do have some fishnets and boots that will look great with this. I think you look good in it! you know..... In dim lighting.

Warabie: hehehehehe hehehe....

Neta:.................................

Antho: you might need to shave your legs though

Warabie: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Neta: okay.... okay!!! THAT'S ENOUGH!........ I get it just return it.

Warabie: ok..uh ahhah.haha.. I mean I think you'd look hot in it..

Neta: warabie!

Warabie:.. right! sorry....So you press return.... you scan the receipt and you scan the item and it'll give you an option to put it back on the card or to return it to them in cash. If they don't have a receipt with them, you can press this button right here and tell them to insert their card and you can find their last purchase with the store. When you find it highlight and click return. There's also work when they don't have the tag on it.

Antho: All right, great. Here you go sir. ... Your money went back on your card have a pleasant day

Neta: thank you.... You could have done that without humiliating the custome

Antho: I thought you said I can't hurt your feelings

Neta: you can't, but you might hurt someone else's feelings so let's not do this to an actual customer.

Antho: All right, I won't do that.....to their face

_______________________________________________

Neta: All right so that concludes today's training. Tomorrow's training day you guys are going to do that....... .... Well....you're actually going to do that at home...... I just want you guys to watch five short videos. It's just going to talk about safety regulations..... Our tolerance policy...... One safety and one sanitary video and the last one is just going to talk about employee benefits and whatnot.

Vinny: I have a question about benefits?

Neta: shoot

Vinny: so like do you provide the benefits or does the mall itself provide the benefits?

Neta: It's the mall. The mall provides the benefits for everyone who works here, including me.

Vinny: do they cover dental?

Neta: yes ... All the information is in the video

Vinny:... Medical expenses like injuries like a broken arm or stitches

Neta:.......... Yes they provide all that......Yes

Naomi: * whispering whispering*

Vinny: yeah I need that too.......... Gender affirming health care

Nate: actually they do, yeah! You can get more information from the videos..... All right! So I guess we're done for the day. The store opens in 20 minutes so uhhhh you guys are free to head home. Enjoy the rest of your day or you can stay until we open and complete your whole shift up to you.

_______________________________________________

Antho: ...*huff*.............hey

Naomi: hm?

Antho: you said you were working on your own book earlier

Naomi: yeah.... it's.... it's still in the development stage tho so. . Yeah

Antho:hmmm what about you puffy you have a hobby or something

Fugue:..... Don't call me that.... If you must know, I enjoy making ceramics

Antho: That's lame. I don't care

Fugue:...... Well then you shouldn't have asked

Antho: I thought you were going to say something interesting

Fugue: well it is interesting if you just let me finish.... I'm actually planning on making my own dish set for my drom room I even made one for my future roommate

Antho: uhhhhh Don't you play video games or some shit like a normal person

Fugue: I do... I'm normal...I ........ I don't have to prove anything to you!

Antho: oh shit! He's actually puffing up! Heheh

Neta: awwww look at them. They're getting along

Candi: uh-hu

Neta: I guess he's making friends in his own way....... Naomi seems to be opening up a little too........ Can't believe I'm going to have a new crew coming next year....... I'm going to miss you guys.

Candi: uh-hu

Neta: I mean that doesn't mean I'm not going to visit. Of course I'm going to check up on my old store and see you guys. I can also share shifts between stores but I don't know how it's going to work out. I have to drive 5 hours but you know it's worth it to see you guys I love-

Candi: Neta can you shut the fuck up for like 3 seconds? God.....why are you in such a good mood!?

Neta: well......when my shift ended I was going to taste test wedding cakes with ikkan.....I guess I'm just excited. I'm sorry....... I know you're tired.... You want to go home early?

Candi: no .......*ugh*.......mmmmmmmmmm....... I'm sorry......*crying*...... I'm just so fucking tired..

Neta: oh babe come here.......

Candi: *crying*.... I wanted chocolate waffles this morning..........

Neta: you did? Awww... What happened?

Candi: *crying* and I told Donn to go to the store and and and he bought back blueberries ones!! *Crying*...... I told him I didn't want those! He said that's all they had!!! He's fucking lying!! I know he is he picked up the wrong ones!! My morning was ruined *crying*

Neta: ohhh I'm sorry that happened

Antho: what's wrong with her?

Neta: hush....she's pregnant

Antho: that explains a lot.

Neta:..................... Go home

Candi: and this is one of those rare fucking mornings where I'm not sick..... It was my only decent morning and he fucking ruined it!!!!!! *Crying*..... this sucks... I don't like being pregnant.....*sniff*.... I mean I do. I love it..... I'm making life........ but you know.....*sniff * I just *crying* I'm so tired of sweat pants.....

Neta: ohhhhh*heh* I'm sorry........ You sure you don't want to leave early? You can go cake sampling with me.

Candi:...*sniff*........hmm ...ok .......

Neta: ok...(Peck).... Why don't we leave extra early and we can get you some maternity clothing?

Candi: you mean those stupid moo moos no..... I got enough of those from my mother-in-law.

Neta: we can get you a nice sundress perfect for spring.........huh? Doesn't that sound nice?

Candi: yeah......*snort* ok ....

Neta: ok....

Antho is the new work child that Neta has adopted. But he has to share custody with @fish-at-fish-fish-resort

[justanotherbipolarmum]

I feel inadequate as a woman as I'm struggling to fall pregnant.

This shit hurts.

[championsofthegate]

//if you're wondering how trans Gale impregnates anyone well life finds a way, the truth is he would, when creating a functioning penis for himself for sex purposes, absolutely make it fully functioning and then not think about the consequences of that until it was too late

(also magic dick don't think too hard about what magic can do kids lmao)

[hellizens]

He's genuinely not sure why people keep offering to help Alastor with their kid. He's there. He's present. He can and will help. Why aren't people recognizing that?

[maroonafternoon]

I will be honest. I am having a hard time.

[geezerwench]

Pregnancy and Covid-19

This is all pretty disturbing.

[kira-akira]

What I Want You To Know About Long COVID

Well lads, I've been suffering from Long COVID for over a year now. My life is at a complete standstill. I'm 25 years old and I'm too sick to go back to school, I can't work, I had to move back in with my parents and I'm still stuck here.

Here are just a few things I wish people knew about Long COVID, including things I didn't know myself until I got it.

COVID destroys your immune system. Yes, even if you don't have Long COVID. Are you getting sick more often now? When you get sick, does it last longer? There are many studies showing that COVID causes t cell depletion, even in mild COVID cases! T cells are how your body remembers how to fight off infections you've had before so losing those cells? Bad news.

Your initial infection can be mild and you can still get Long COVID. Right from Yale Medicine, "Most people with Long COVID had mild acute COVID." (This is also a good link for a basic Long COVID overview).

There can be a gap of time between when you "get better" from the initial COVID infection to the onset of Long COVID symptoms. Some people get sick with an initial COVID infection and never get better. Some get better and then weeks or months later start developing Long COVID symptoms. Long COVID symptoms can even fluctuate over time, can go away for months and then suddenly come back.

So many people have Long COVID and don't realize it. Do you feel more tired lately but no matter how much you sleep, nothing helps? Is it harder to concentrate at work or school? Can you just not think like you used to? You could have Long COVID and not even know it. Even mild post-COVID symptoms are still Long COVID.

COVID can do anything to your body. Long COVID has over 200 recognized symptoms and can affect basically any part or system of your body. There is no one mechanism or cause of Long COVID which unfortunately also means there's no one cure either.

The effects of COVID are cumulative. Each COVID reinfection increases your chances of developing Long COVID. COVID is also affecting your body in other ways, yes, even if you're otherwise young and healthy! "Repeat COVID-19 infections increase risk of organ failure, death".

Once you have Long COVID, repeat COVID infections will make your symptoms worse. "80% [of Long COVID patients] saw their symptoms worsen [from reinfection]. In 60% of people who were in recovery or remission from Long COVID, reinfection caused a recurrence of Long COVID."

There is a lot more I want to say about Long COVID but I want to keep this post at least somewhat manageable to read. Like how when COVID is contracted during pregnancy, those COVID-exposed fetuses have a 6.3-fold increased risk of motor developmental delays, or that another study found 50% of babies exposed to COVID in utero had developmental delays.

You need to keep caring about COVID, for others around you and also for yourself even if you're "healthy". Everyone is at risk. And don't forget 40-60% of COVID infections are asymptomatic, which is why masking even if you feel fine is crucial. The only way right now to not get Long COVID is to not get COVID in the first place. It's not too late, if you've stopped masking it's never too late to start again! I know it's easy to get distracted by things in your life that seem more real than the possibility of getting sick some time in the future, and the peer pressure to not mask can be intense. But it only feels less real or less important until your entire life is having Long COVID. Trust me.

I know this is a complicated issue, many people can't afford to stay home when sick even if they want to because of their jobs, there are disgusting policies trying to ban wearing masks, but please if you can. Keep masking. Masking works, masking saves lives.

This post got a bit longer than I wanted so below the cut is a non-exhaustive list of my Long COVID symptoms and some of my experiences as one of the "healthy young people" who got "unlucky". cw brief mention of suicidal ideation.

Welcome to the Thunderdome that is my body with Long COVID. Keep in mind these are just my experiences and symptoms, Long COVID can cause any range of symptoms at varying severities.

Dysautonomia: Exercise intolerance, Post-Exertional Malaise (PEM), fatigue, and heat intolerance. What do those things mean? Here's some specific examples. Absolutely terrible circulation I am so cold all the time but also, if I get a little too warm I will pass out. Eating hot food makes my heart rate spike, I sweat, my body feels heavy. Blood pooling and pins and needles in my feet when I walk. Don't even think about exercising past walking, it's impossible. I used to work out an hour a day 4 times a week and now walking up one flight of stairs makes my heart pound and I can't breathe. Can't take even just warm showers anymore or I will pass out. Heat rashes from being in the sun for 10 minutes.

Digestive issues: Honestly too many to name but: constant bloating, extreme nausea, constipation, slow motility, lack of appetite, just so much cramping and pain. I lost 18 pounds from Long COVID, as someone who was already considered underweight their entire life, and almost had to get a shunt put into my chest to deliver nutrients because I was nearly completely unable to eat. For the first 6 months of Long COVID, if I could manage 600 calories a day, that was a good day.

Histamine intolerance: Oh boy. My worst symptoms, I don't even know where to start with it. If you know Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) it's very similar. I can only eat 19 foods. If i eat a single bite of something not on that list, it's 48 hours of absolute hell. Coughing, migraines, itchy eyes, such extreme nausea I cannot even describe it, panic/feeling of doom, racing heart rate, derealization, rash, uncontrollable muscle tremors. I only learned about histamine intolerance 5 months into having Long COVID so before that, I was experiencing these symptoms nearly every single day. Terrifying isn't even a strong enough word to describe how it felt to experience all this and have no idea what it was, how to stop it, or if it would ever stop. Really dark times.

Neurological issues: More of that derealization. Inability to concentrate. Anxiety. OCD-like symptoms such as thoughts getting "stuck" in my head, repeating 24/7 completely unable to stop them, genuinely felt like my brain had cracked open and I had lost my mind. Constant dizziness like I'm on a boat.

Sleep issues: I sleep like garbage. I have insomnia, I wake up dozens of times every night and every single time I sleep I have intensely vivid dreams. I can't sleep longer than 7 hours total no matter how exhausted I am. It is exhausting. I'm exhausted, I'm so so tired.

And finally. Just. Really intense suicidal ideation. My body, my health, my entire life has been stolen from me because someone else decided my life was worth less to them than wearing a mask or staying home if they feel sick. Before I got Long COVID, I was preparing to go to South Korea to teach English, then on to a PhD in neurolinguistics, I was supposed to meet my long distance partner and had already booked plane tickets when I got sick. All of that has been destroyed.

Most of us with Long COVID are stuck in a cycle of being extremely sick, then if you're lucky you'll slowly get better over months, just to get reinfected and go right back where you started or worse. Honestly, I'm not scared of dying from COVID. I'm scared of living for a long time, suffering from Long COVID the entire time. This isn't living.

I don't know how to end this now. I'm still fighting, I'm trying experimental treatments, I'm not giving up yet. I hope everyone reading this stays healthy and well.

[cockcicle]

I’m officially 15 weeks pregnant and feeling better physically now I’m just sad and poor and it feels like having a family is a privilege for the rich because idk how tf I’m gonna afford rent and daycare and work and take care of a child even with my partner and I both working full time