#REALLY what i need is to finish this one fucking programming assignment so i can move onto the later stuff

[essektheylyss]

After stalling for a week your bitch is ALMOST back to being excessively ahead on classwork. Goddammit.

[applejarjar]

Son of a bitch

[queers-gambit]

Affirmation King

prompt: ( requested ) attending university as a full-time student is hard, but your boyfriend makes some of the stress worth it.

fandom masterlist: FX's The Bear

word count: 3.1k+

note: author gives unsolicited advice in the form of sharing a citation website to make college essays a little easier! this is not meant as promotion or anything, it's just your author trying to share a resource they know of.

warnings: cursing, small hurt large comfort (reader snaps a little at Carmy but he handles it like a fucking pro), author gives unsolicited college advice in the form of a recommended website, reader is in a masters program and not undergrad, fluff.

The 16 inch screen glared into your retinas, fingers feeling numb from the hours pounding away at the loose keyboard. When the screen started to warble and darken, your head ducked down slightly to try and preserve your visual; glaring up at the offender when they pressed the screen closed after forcing you to retract your hands.

"You're cute and all, but not so cute as to interrupt me like that," you deadpanned, eyes wide and burning from your lack of lubrication via blinking.

"You've been sat here for hours, it's time for a break."

"Funny when I say that to you, it's always, 'Get outta my kitchen.'"

Carmy smirked, "Come eat something."

"Let me finish this essay and - "

"No, it's time for a meal."

You felt your irritation spike, narrowing your eyes slightly, "I'm on a deadline, Carmen, so either be fucking helpful and productive or get the fuck out of my space. I've got work to do and you're just slowing me down."

He offered a patient look, asking, "Is that what you really wanted to say?"

You paused, then shook your head, "No... May I try again?"

"Of course," he nodded.

"I appreciate you trying to... Alleviate some of my stress," you spoke slowly, stringing the sentence together in realtime, "but this project isn't something I can ignore right now, so, I'd like to finish this thing before we do whatever else."

"Better," he teased, knowing you ran a short fuse when stressed out and overworked. "What's got you riled up?"

"I have this 20-page paper due."

"20 pages!?"

"It's not that bad, honestly, once you have your thesis together," you chuckled dryly. "it's just time consuming and meticulous."

He frowned and stepped forward to press a kiss to your forehead, mocking in a sarcastic tone, "You're doing amazing, sweetie."

"I'm so tired," you pouted up at him. "Do I really need this degree? This is so much stress for such a little thing such as a piece of paper that cost me $50k just to say I'm allowed to join the work force."

"Hey, hey," he laughed. "Just remember what you're working towards. You're one assignment closer to your internship turning into a full-time gig, right?"

You nodded, "You're right. I want that job so bad... I just hate how busy I feel - it's like, how can I remember to eat let alone write 6 different response posts to my classmate's work?"

Carmy nodded with empathy, "Just remember that end goal, baby. Keep grinding, keep moving. Almost at the finish line, right?"

"Right," you nodded with a smile. "Thank you, angel face."

Carmy smiled at you before softly asking, "Want me to bring you anything? Something to eat, drink, a condom?"

"Stop quoting Mean Girls at me!"

His hands shot up in defense, deflecting, "I was just trying to be a gracious host. If the missus wants anything, I'll make sure she has it."

"Pretty sure 'missus' is a term used for wives - " His groan made you laugh lightly, then covering, "No, thank you, baby, I'm okay. I should only be about another hour or so...?"

"All right, yeah, sure. I'll start dinner in 30, okay?"

"Sure," you smiled, already distracted again as you lifted your screen again to stare at the Word document that had been haunting your hard-drive for about 3 weeks now.

"Hey," he interrupted, "don't forget your glasses."

"Thank you," you mumbled, reaching for the special, blue-light filtering glasses Carmy had gifted you when you first started your Master's program. He claimed staring at a computer screen was going to cause long-term damage (he read an article) and got you a pair, which, you had to admit, made a huge difference.

Your hair was raked into a new bun as you reread the last of your essay, trying to get back in the academic mindset in order to finish the last bit of your assignment. There were textbooks spewed around your work table; laptop plugged in, highlighters and pens and notebooks within reach and a nearly-finished bottle of water was set to the side. You wrote ferociously once you got back on the right mental track, feeling your headache stir to life as you blindly reached for your water bottle.

However, when you picked it up, you blinked in mild shock when the bottle was heavier than before. Glancing over, you realized Carmy had replaced the bottle because there, under where it had sat, he left you a handwritten note:

replenish what you lost from crying!

You chuckled, knowing you were a stress cryer and when tackling big assignments like this, you were ten times as stressed as usual. Still you worked, even putting your headphones on to play soothing background noise - like rainfall. Your neck cramped, back ached, temples throbbed, and hands were cramping. Still you worked, using sticky notes to flag the important quotes you wanted to use from your textbooks and notebooks. Your stomach growled, your eyes begged for reprieve, chest felt tight, and shoulders were too tense.

Still. You. Worked.

Deadlines were important to you, and while you were a professional procrastinator, you always turned everything in on time - no matter your mental state. You could smell whatever Carmy had started cooking, focused on writing as you only used spellcheck as you went - and still you worked. You knew you surpassed the hour limit you told Carmy, but you couldn't stop, you were so close to finishing, it almost put tears back in your eyes, but this time out of relief. You only paused to look at online sources and apply chapstick, cracking your tightly-wound knuckles, and when you finished the last body paragraph of the essay, grinned to yourself.

All that was left was your conclusion, to create a bibliography, and to edit - but you were almost home free!

Suddenly, you jumped in fright when a hand planted on your shoulder; whipping around to see your boyfriend's own startled expression. "Sorry," Carmy apologized with a wince when you removed your headphones, "didn't mean to scare you, just wanted to check on you."

You nodded, 'Yeah, no, I'm almost done. Like give me 20 minutes, almost done-almost done."

He smiled softly, "Dinner's ready when you are."

"I'll be there soon, thank you, angel face."

"Can I help with anything?"

"Uh," you cocked your head, "you know what? Maaaaybe..."

"Really?" He grinned, perking up. "You never let me help!"

"It's not really work, per se," you amended, "but would you mind letting me read this out loud to you - see if it makes sense? The mark of a good writer is to act as if the audience knows nothing about the subject and make them understand, and you're exactly that."

"Lemme hear it," he nodded, taking a seat, "I might not be much help but I can still try."

You agreed and finished typing the outline of your conclusion, then scrolled to the top of your word document, and explained to him what your class was before starting to read. He listened intently, sitting on a spare stool with his elbows resting on his knees; keeping him leaned forward to provide his undivided attention. You managed to reword a few sentences, only noticing they didn't make sense when you read them out loud. Once or twice, Carmy even offered an alternative phrasing you liked - making the changes and rereading, then continuing through your assignment.

By the end, you were able to beef up the conclusion and Carmy was grinning at you in pride. "That's real good, baby," he complimented, "it all made sense and rolled nice together. I think that has to be an 'A'-worthy paper."

"You should be the one grading theses, my professor's the worst," you frowned. "It's why I got so in my head, I got a fucking 76 on my last essay and need to do really well on the next few to help average my grade."

"What about the tests?"

"We don't have any, this class is all about writing material and turning it in," you pouted.

"Hey," he spoke seriously, making you look at him in question, "I'm really proud of you."

You giggled nervously, "Oh, yeah? Why? What for?"

"For doing this," he nodded to the desk. "Look at all you're doing, baby, there's no way I'd ever be able to keep up with this kinda shit. You're doing such a great fucking job - I want you to remember that. What you're doing ain't easy, but you're handling this like a pro."

"I cry, like, everyday..."

"So what? You still get shit done while emoting - call that multitasking, baby."

"Got me there."

"Seriously, though, you're not told enough what a fantastic job you're doing; how strong and resilient you have to be to deal with this kind of stress day-in and day-out. I see the hard work you put in," he promised, "and I want you to know how fucking proud I am of you. It's all gonna be worth it one day, but until then, I love watching you grind through school. I might not take the classes with you, but I'll help however I can, whenever I can."

"Thank you," you whispered. "It's really nice to hear... I feel myself burning out and it's nice to be reminded that what I do now will influence my future. Validates me in feeling stressed out, you know? Sometimes, I feel silly 'cause, like, there's so many bigger things to be upset about and here I am, stressed out at a place that's guaranteed to stress me out..."

"It's not silly, it's normal. College ain't easy," he reminded, "and you're just trying to keep yourself afloat."

"Yeah, but there's bigger things in life than something trivial as my education."

Carmy scoffed at you, shaking his head, "Ain't no way."

"What?"

"My girl just said her feelings are trivial... Nah, she said her emotions about her education is trivial," he shook his head again. "Should wash your mouth out with soap - talkin' crazy like that. Baby, you know, first and foremost, your education is high on our priorities list, but your emotions? You think they're trivial? Nah, if anything causes you to have any emotion, it's valid - it's not something silly or redundant."

You pouted slightly, "You always know what to say."

"Hungry?"

"You're the perfect man," you laughed, looking at your document again and humming. "Okay, so, lemme just cite my sources and turn this in."

"Then you wanna have date night?" He smirked.

"No, no, I'm so tired - "

"I meant we can stay in."

"Oh, then count me in!"

"Change into something cozy when you're done, we can watch a movie with dinner. Yeah?"

You agreed, accepted his kiss of encouragement, and then took his leave to reheat the dinner that had surely cooled off. It didn't take long to cite everything when you used an online citation source website - that IS N O T plagiarizing! It's a handy-dandy tool you discovered your undergraduate freshman year by an actual professor. It was as simple as choosing which style, APA or MLA, and then to either paste the URL of the website you need sourced or you type in the book's information. Hit the generate button and BAM! A perfect citation for your bibliography every single time.

Or if you didn't like that, you could always just Google citation examples and do your best to write it out yourself. But the website, Citation Machine dot net, was a great tool. After perfecting your in-text citations and saving your work, you uploaded it to your university's assignment portal, crossed the essay off your to-do list, and stretched on your feet.

Cleaning up your space minimally, you hustled to your bedroom to get a quick hot, relieving shower, change, and then met Carmy in the kitchen. "Hey," you sighed with a soft smile.

"Hey, doll. All done?"

"For tonight," you groaned, "but tomorrow's a new day with new assignments."

"That's a future problem we'll handle at a later time," he eased, showing you your dinner plate. "Ta-daaaa!"

You grinned, "Oh, baby, this looks amazing!"

"Yeah, well, I kinda figured as a full-time student right now, nobody was gonna remind you what incredible job you're doing, so, I'm more than happy to step up to the plate. And what better treat than your favorite meal, huh?"

"Thank you," you whispered, pecking his lips.

You often thought his love language was "food", but then you realized it was technically under the acts of service and quality time. He loved cooking for you - it was like a gift. He loved cooking with you - it was time spent bonding. He loved introducing you to new dishes - it's a present! He loved when you let him give you a culinary lesson - it was time well spent.

"C'mon," Carmy lead you to the living room, both crashing on the couch you had been gifted from your grandmother's house when she was put in a nursing home. Normally, you wouldn't have splurged on something like this, but considering it was free, you and Carmy were happy to use it. Settling together on the couch, you got cozy under a shared blanket and Carmy flicked some movie on for background noise, but instead of watching, he just asked you about your coursework.

You told him what you could, shaking your head and huffing about how annoying your program was. How hectic. How jam packed and fast-paced it all seemed to be. How your head felt like it was spinning. How you couldn't nail down workable coping mechanisms and just felt totally out of control. You were spiraling.

You needed this rant session.

Carmy listened intently.

He never once tried to say, "oh, but if you had time management," or anything like, "if you do THIS instead..." or some bullshit, "my way works better." His bright and wide blue eyes watched you the entire time, sighing when you got to the end of your meal and vent session.

"It just feels like, I turn in one assignment, I get three more right after. Turn in those three, and all of a sudden, there's another 10!"

"Does the syllabus say anything about that?" He wondered.

"No, it just said what our reading schedules were and when major assignments are due. But those dates all got shuffled around that it feels like a train wreck. You know, if the original schedule was kept from the syllabus, I wouldn't feel so worked up! It's the rearrangement and added assignments without warning that's throwing me off."

"That doesn't sound easy," he validated. "Anything I can do to help?"

"No, you're doing more than enough," you whispered, pecking his lips. "Thank you for dinner."

"I made dessert, too."

"No!" You gasped with a grin.

"Mhm - wait here. I'll grab it."

"Wow, dinner, movie, and dessert?" You teased, "I'm being spoiled tonight."

"You've been working your ass off for weeks now," he smirked, standing from his seat to pick up your plates, "this is the least I could do. I know I said it, but you know how good a job you're doing, right? Damn, baby," he chuckled, "ain't no way I could ever handle shit like that on the regular."

"I could't do what you do, either."

"We all balance our crazy different. Want some tea? Wine?"

"Tea would be great."

"Comin' up."

When Carmy returned, you pulled the blanket back to let him sit again with the dessert plate between you both; two steaming mugs of tea sat on the coffee table. "What's this?" You wondered, seeing a sort of pastry.

"Marcus told me 'bout this," he chuckled. "Kinda like a poor man's version of this one thing he makes. So, look, it's Pillsbury Crescent Rolls, right? In the middle, there's raspberry preserves - or jam if you want that instead. It's baked then drizzled in melted white chocolate."

"Wow, you got all fancy on me," you beamed.

"Hardly, more like I was a little impulsive after hearing your essay. Figured you could use some dessert - you really earned it, baby. You always earn dessert," he grinned, "but tonight, you were kickass. Know that? Hear me?"

You shook your head, "This is nothing compared - "

"Hey, hey, nah," he interrupted, "nah, nah, don't do that, don't try to invalidate or downplay yourself. Look, shit is always hard in college, right? But you handle it so well, I can see the work you're putting in and the little reward you receive in return, and know that shit's gotta add up for you. But my baby just keeps cool, does her work, and does what she can to earn the grades she does. Right?"

"I mean, I try to..."

"You succeed. C'mon, lemme hear you say it. 'I kick college's ass.'"

"I kick college's ass."

"'I work hard.'"

"Carmy - "

"Saaay it!"

You huffed, "I work hard."

"'I'm an incredible hard worker.'"

"I'm an incredible hard worker."

"'I am only human.'"

Another breath in, repeating, "I am only human."

"'I am a success.'"

"I try to be a success."

"That wasn't the quote."

"Well, I don't know if I'm succeeding because grades aren't finalized yet and I have - "

"No, no, no," he smirked again, "you're still successful 'cause you're doing such a kickass job. You could get a fucking 'D' on something, and guess what? You're still successful 'cause you don't let this tear you down, you learn from mistakes and apply whatever lessons you learn to your upcoming assignments. Some people say you might even learn more from losing and failing than from undisputed success. Look, I'll be honest, I thought my job was hectic as shit, but hearing your essay tonight? Goddamn, you're not just beautiful, but so fucking intelligent, too. Baby, I was shook - that sounded like some academic paper that college kids need to defend their thesis or some shit. Something scholarly, not some assignment you gotta hand in by a deadline so you just wrote down whatever. So, give yourself credit and tell yourself you're a success."

With a long, deep breath, you answered earnestly, "I'm a success."

"Good girl," he muttered, handing you a fork finally. However, unlike Mikey all those years ago, you didn't launch your utensil at anyone and used it to cut off a corner of pastry.

You moaned when you tasted the gooey goodness. You managed through a mouthful, "Mmhhh! Mhm! Mhm! If you make this every time I have some assignment pissing me off and stressing me out, I'm afraid I'll get used to this treatment."

Carmy grinned, "You deserve whatever dessert you want, whenever you want. Huh? Yeah? Lemme hear you say it."

With another grin, you mused, "I deserve whatever I want, when I want it... And however I want it!"

"Atta girl!"

"You're so fucking corny," you laughed lightly, feeling as if you were falling in love with him again, "but thank you, my Affirmation King."

requesting rules and masterlist

The Bear masterlist

[seahydra]

🐍 cybergoth summary post 🦇

I'm not kidding when I say this is long. This is all just early relationship backstory for the most part. Sorry for any cringe. I love you.

LAZARUS, strange thing that she is, is abruptly sent to Hell one morning. Not dead yet; it was because she had apparently "applied" to be part of an "exchange program" at an academy full of demons. She does not recall ever applying to this in the first place, and certainly doesn't want to go back to school again, but she figures it's best not to object for now.

He has the details explained to him a bit less in-detail than he would like and is sent to the house where he'll be living in for the rest of the year until the program is over. He has. Six roommates. He's so fucking mad.

While the demon assigned to be her "guardian" (Mammon) is in the middle of talking about something she's not really paying attention to, they're both interrupted by another person entering the room, clearly already pissed off. This is Leviathan. Seeing Lazarus seems to give him an idea 💡 (bad) - and he promptly drags her off to his room.

Now, in her room... Lazarus is absolutely fascinated by it. It's aquatic. There's a bathtub full of blankets in there- her bed? She has a computer with 4 monitors. There is so much anime merch and some of it is of series that he recognizes and loves dearly.

Levi's room makes her feel a little bit hopeful. She'd been worried about not being able to adjust to a new place, about being friendless and needing to hide her interests, as usual... but there was a fellow nerd right here! Perhaps she could at least connect with one person?

So he thinks, anyway. But when he mentions also being into the same things Levi is, she immediately shuts that down.

"Yeah, right. Don't try and relate to me, you liar. I know how you normies work- you want to try and act like you're best friends with the weird outcast so you can use everything I tell you against me later!"

And, well, it's not like Lazarus doesn't understand that fear. That's literally happened to her. But the sting of rejection and the anger at an implication that she's some kind of poser causes her to storm out of his room without another word. Levi never gets to tell her what his plan for her was.*

The relationship between those two was strained for weeks afterwards. Whenever one would enter a room, the other would get up and leave. Only interacting with each other if they were somehow required to. Clearly, they don't care for each other very much.

...Even so, Lazarus feels a strange pull whenever he thinks about Levi. Despite his disdain for her and her gatekeeping, he still feels some desire to try and at least understand her a little more. He's not sure why. Maybe it's just because he stubbornly doesn't want to give up on his initial hope of being friends with her... but regardless.

She remembers a bunch of books on Levi's shelf that'd caught her eye the first (and last) time she'd been in his room. Some 138-volume fantasy series: The Tale of the Seven Lords (further referred to as TSL because I'm Not Typing All That). Being no stranger to long fantasy stories with convoluted lore, she decides to get into it.

It's a good series. He likes it a lot. Like, a lot. Seriously. She finishes reading the entire series (+ watches the movies, the animated series, even the god-awful theatrical version) in near record time. It's when he's rereading one of the novels in the living room that Levi catches him and is, well, kind of mad about it.

"Is that-? No way, you CAN'T be... you have to be trying to suck up to me or something, right? Or maybe you're doing this to spite me.. yeah, that sounds more like you. You're probably not even actually READING it-"

"This is my second read through the series."

"Liar."

Lazarus is irritated that he still refuses to believe her, but this interaction was also the most he's spoken to her since their first meeting, so she'll take it. Actually, she wants to take it a bit further: since it seems like he takes anyone liking the same things he does as a personal threat, she figures she'll give him a real one.

So, she challenges him to a trivia contest.

It's a terribly irresponsible idea and he knows it. But, Lazarus hopes there's even the slightest chance that this could all result in loser girl recognizing him as a kindred spirit and them becoming something like friends. NOT like he cares about that anymore, though. It's just no good being on such tense terms with someone you live with. That's all!

Day of the trivia contest. I will be honest. As much as she loved TSL, Lazarus knows she doesn't even come CLOSE to having the same level of investment in it that Levi does. So, she had to pull... a few strings, by asking one of her fellow students for help. That is to say- the match is rigged it's fucking rigged she pulls out a super rare one-of-a-kind piece of merch that Levi doesn't have.

And he's PISSED about it.

"The idea that someone like YOU could be a bigger TSL fan than me, it's- No... no, I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIIIIS!"

The room dissolves into chaos. Several hours later, in the guest bedroom- his bedroom- Lazarus reflects back on everything. Leviathan had just tried to kill him. Shifted into her demon form and everything. It was terrifying.

But she was so... So cuuuuuuuute!

She KNOWS she shouldn't feel that way, but! Once she'd had time to recover from the initial shock of it all, she realizes that perhaps Levi was a lot more interesting than she'd originally thought. The passion! His super cool horns that kind of looked like antlers- no, coral maybe? Anyway, she's kind of left in awe. And then she gets a text message.

Leviathan asks him to meet her in the planetarium. Quickly hiding any evidence of the fact that he was just kicking his feet giggling, he makes his way over. Levi gives him a (very half-hearted, but at least she tried) apology for the incident, and Lazarus speaks without thinking.

"I was impressed by you. Back there, I mean. I'd like to get to know you a little better- why not be my friend?"

"What?! Did you say friends? You and me...?! A-A-Are you... Are you out of your mind?! You know I just tried to attack you, right?"

He knows.

"And if Lucifer hadn't intervened, you'd be dead right now. You realize that, right? I mean, that literally JUST happened."

Yeah, he knows.

"Also... be my friend? Seriously? What are we, on the playground or something? Are you 5?! Who actually walks up to someone and asks them that? Could you BE any lamer?!"

Come on man you had to critique the word choice too?? But Levi's very obviously flustered, which means maybe he doesn't hate the idea THAT much?

"So, is that a no?"

"Whaaaaa-?! Are you even listening to me? Of course it's a no! I... Hey, wait, don't just leave!!!"

Hesitantly, groaning and complaining about it every other sentence in an attempt to seem like the mere idea of making a friend physically pains her, Levi agrees to put their past gripes with each other aside.

"BUT! This doesn't mean we're, like, comrades, though! So don't go getting the wrong idea. It's not like I'm gonna start hanging out with you every day or anything."

So they actually do end up hanging out every day lol. Lmao even.

It takes a minute for Levi to warm up to her, as he's never really had a true friend before. Plus, well... His self-loathing makes it a difficult to believe that anyone could really like him.

But Lazarus is persistent. He's annoyingly persistent. Yet, it makes her so happy... she can't explain these weird feelings she starts to get about him, this desire to somehow be even closer to the one she already calls her best friend- without actually dating him, because that's not what she wants.

It's only when Lazarus off-handedly compares the two of them to a pair of characters in TSL one day that Levi finally starts to understand his actual feelings.

"Hey. Don't you think we're kind of a lot like Henry and the Lord of Shadow?"

"Huuuh?! I mean, I see the individual similarities, but do you mean... relationship-wise?"

"Mhm. You yourself are always going off about their intimate and unbreakable bond. That's kind of what we have, isn't it?"

"I guess so? Their relationship is sorta weird... Like, I wouldn't say they're in love exactly, but they're still kind of... ugh, I dunno. Their scenes just feel different. Something beyond."

"I get it. Henry is friends with all the other lords, too... but his friendships with them aren't anywhere close to the thing he has going on with the Lord of Shadow."

"Right! You get it! We're totally on the same page!"

Lazarus smiles a little.

"That we are. I'm happy to be friends with you, Levi."

* - It's because of this that Lazarus doesn't get to form a pact with Mammon. Actually she doesn't have pacts with anyone except for Levi (which she doesn't get immediately after the competition either. That comes some time later. When they trust each other more)

I have another OC (who's a relative of his. My special boy) that takes care of the pact-making. But Lazarus is still the one that gets into the attic yes.

Anyway it takes a bit of further soul searching, googling, and finding exactly one astonishingly well written QPR Henry/Lord of Shadow fanfic for Levi to learn the specific term for what she's experiencing but. There's that! I don't think they ever ask each other to be partners it just kind of naturally happens.

Also I have playlists.

🎵 [General ship playlist] + [Levi's POV] + [Laz's POV]

[marcusrobertobaq]

All Amanda's orders and my theory on why Connor can evade things without breaking his program (cuz everything is part of his program)

Or "How Connor autonomous nature can be a problem in letting him escape his leash"

I don't care if someone already did that, i just wanna leave my shit saved somewhere public.

⚠️ A FUCKING WARNING: EVERYTHING HERE IS THEORY (AND HC). It's just assumption and MY OPINION.

and it's big like my dick

First of all Connor is basically an autonomous android.

Wtf is an autonomous android in dbh in my humble opinion?

The android can do whatever they want, choose and shift whatever they see fit as long as they stay inside direct orders from 'em handler. They can decide almost everything alone. Be aware we got a whole false sensation of freedom with Connor cuz he indeed got freedom (in this sense), but he's manipulated and conditioned as a way of keeping him on the right track.

What deviancy really is for a Connor model?

I see a lotta people saying Connor was a deviant from the start, what i totally disagree based on canon. But we know this model got a interesting relationship with the meaning of deviancy: is deviancy in the sense he can fight/disobey a direct order (like the other androids) or the fact he's starting to deviate from his original priority? Good luck finding out. But remember: Connor got the option to deviate in Crossroads.

Secondly, be in mind Connor's only handler is AMANDA. She's the only one that can really order him and he can't disobey (CyberLife is so ridiculous they let the AI do all 'em work). He can ignore everybody else if he wants (by %) as long as he's authorized or she didn't say anything about this topic in specific (his programming let him do that - at a cost sometimes).

So i gonna explain why I THINK Connor is inside his "program cage" THE WHOLE GAME UNTIL CROSSROADS.

⚠️ ANOTHER FUCKING WARNING: i gonna focus only in priority conflicting decisions, i don't care what happens with other options. I also won't care about cut content/context, let's work with what the finished game shows.

(red for direct order; orange for too vague; yellow for optional; green for train/line of thought; blue for priority confliction; mission % calculation: f for failure, s for success)

Unfortunately i ain't got much details about The Hostage and Partners original orders, so my theory:

The Hostage: taking Daniel alive consequently saving Emma (obviously if Emma dies means Daniel also dies).

Partners/The Interrogation: my guess is his orders were to find Hank (he needs access to the crime scene), find Ortiz's android and extract information about deviancy.

→ Waiting for Hank || On the Run

Order: find out what's happening (related to deviancy)

It's totally vague. Connor is totally alone here and it's like that most of the time. To make things easier, i gonna set a default line of thought:

He knows he was assigned to the police to have access to the deviants files, and he also knows he needs more information so he can report to Amanda and if possible apprehending the deviants so CL can study 'em. Best way of gettin information? Finding deviants alive and extracting information from 'em.

Why Connor CAN choose NOT running after Kara in the highway without breaking the program (both choices got equal weight):

He can be destroyed and doesn't catch Kara (decent f %);

Kara can be destroyed and he won't get anything (high f %);

Hank would start something if he didn't stay, making his job more difficult in the future (medium f %);

Nobody relevant ordered him to chase Kara across the highway;

He got a priority that is getting the deviants alive (and extract information for report) so he got software instability boost from this. Not a huge boost cuz Kara could get destroyed anyways.

→ The Nest

Order: Find the suspect (f or s) and extract information (not a specific time defined)

Why Connor CAN choose SAVING Hank without breaking the program:

Hank is a human and his pawn in the DPD (Connor can choose listening him if he wants, his program LET him do that);

89% is a high probability but the other 11% still exists, making his job more difficult in the future if he died (low %);

Not helping Hank (he survives) could make his job difficult in the future (medium %);

They could find Rupert again later (low %);

Nobody relevant ordered him to not save Hank, nobody said he can't;

But as consequence he receives a big instability boost cuz it's an urgent decision with low % of failure if he catched Rupert alive and Hank's 89% of survival is a high probability.

→ The Eden Club

Order: Find Anderson and investigate the new android related case, find information about deviants (f or s)

Why Connor CAN choose SPARING the Tracis without breaking the program (both choices got equal weight):

Nobody relevant ordered him to shoot the androids;

Killing the Tracis wouldn't give any relevant information for his next report (is a excuse he uses later);

Connor needed the deviants intact if possible (is a excuse he uses later);

He can find 'em again later (low %);

Again big instability boost cuz it's a urgent decision, had a low f % of his overall mission (dealing with the deviancy threat and finding a solution) and Connor was in a dangerous position (deviants are an absolute threat -> he can and should defend himself).

→ Meet Kamski

Order: talk with Kamski about deviancy

Why Connor CAN choose SPARING Chloe without breaking the program (both choices got equal weight):

Neither Hank or Kamski are relevant in Connor's handler system. He can disobey both;

He can prioritize Hank's wishes if he just wants get out of this situation;

Kamski could be lying (medium %) and playing with him;

Nobody relevant ordered him to shoot Chloe;

Big instability boost cuz it's a no-escape decision (or u gonna shoot or u don't) and had a high s % in fiding something that could help with his main mission.

→ Last Chance, Connor || Crossroads

Order 1: Find the deviants (wherever they're reuniting)

i gonna pretend we ain't got a plot hole here in case we don't probe Simon

Points of interest:

It's a specific place;

High % the leader is there;

High % more information will be found there;

Finding the deviants means CyberLife will be able to analyze 'em;

After this point the orders start to become more specific, where location and timing matters.

Points of interest:

Connor found Jericho;

Connor found Markus;

He's closer to Markus when he make the report;

He's alone with Markus;

No other threat to the mission detected;

Order 2: Deal with Markus (need him ALIVE) = Catch him, stop him

Why Connor CAN'T choose STOPPING Markus without breaking his program (both choices got equal weight if u have enough instability):

Amanda gave him a direct and specific order in that specific moment;

Connor is already too close to Markus - his main target;

There's nothing keeping Connor from approaching Markus;

There no ways or of evading this specific order or any external condition making the situation difficult;

All right now...

LET THE BONUS ROUND BEGIN 🤡

-> Night of the Soul || Battle for Detroit

Order: Destroy (kill) the leader of the deviants

Why Connor CAN choose NOT fighting Hank (if they're friends) without breaking his program:

Won't make him fail his mission of destroying the leader of the deviants (cuz he knows Hank won't do anything if he's friendly);

There are multiple ways of "destroying the leader of the deviants" without shooting from the rooftop;

Connor is attached to Hank (a human) and can give him some sorta priority;

Connor is far from the leader and there's a obstacle (Hank) in his way;

It's more efficient if he just get rid of Hank fast like this (or kill himself) than a whole fight (waste of time with decent % of losing sight of the leader);

Connor can still get closer to the leader and destroy 'em (what he does later in the chapter);

Why Connor can choose fighting Hank and SPARE HIM without breaking his program (killing Hank got more weight than saving him):

It's not his mission killing Hank (a human and somebody he got attachment);

Connor don't wanna kill Hank, only incapacitate him but the guy is a TANK and DOESN'T STOP. Connor models always execute 'em victims with a shot in the head;

Hank ain't considered a threat anymore if he got DEFEATED (Connor can continue with his task - well, that's what he thought);

He doesn't needa kill Hank to destroy the leader of the deviants if Hank is status neutralized - his mission won't fail;

If a Connor dies, CyberLife can send another one to finish the job;

The ideal scenario (and Connor's default option) is killing Hank and 100% removing him from the whole deal, but nobody ordered him to kill Hank;

Why Connor CAN'T NOT kill Captain Allen and his team if he choose to fight:

They're not relevant enough to the story (sad but true) neither for CyberLife;

It's a tactical unit (the motherfucking SWAT), not a single guy;

They gonna take Connor away from his mission ALIVE with no opportunity to get back (it's easier killing himself if he doesn't wanna kill anybody and let CyberLife send another Connor);

Why Connor CAN choose SPARING the Leader (failed revolution) without breaking his program:

It's literally over, doesn't matter if he kills the leader or not;

The army gonna find the leader and they gonna die anyway, and his mission gonna be complete in the end;

-> Other observations and doubts

I don't know why we got a option to not kill Markus during the speech (i don't remember if instability levels are a condition, probably not). Maybe it's cuz it's...over. The androids won and he just doesn't give a shit anymore;

Not shooting Markus in this section is considered deviancy but Amanda interjects directly, right in the moment, trapping the current Connor in the garden and resetting everything (V). This proves the red wall is just a illustration for the player, it doesn't exactly happens;

Instability stop being relevant after Crossroads;

In Crossroads, Connor lowering his gun down after alerting Markus already means deviancy, probably.

I don't know how and when exactly Connor starts getting attached to Hank. I used to believe he starts prioritizing Hank the more instability he gets (and that's why Hank's relationship status and instability levels are related to each other) but ain't exactly like that, I guess? Depending on how u play with Connor Hank matters but Lieutenant Anderson doesn't, know what i mean? Cops are always slowing him down in a couple of senses and they always show up at the wrong time. I assume Connor, even if on his right of killing Hank in hypothetical revenge method, still got attachment to him. The fact he "cares" kinda comes from him programming. His ability to get attached to people is a weapon.

The fact Hank is a human makes the whole thing more difficult. AIs can't directly order androids to kill humans, even if they're a nuisance - especially when the main justification for the mission is exactly "saving humanity". It's a valve of escape for Connor, even if the % is low, as long as there's a human he's attached to he can find evasion methods and not break his programming (not become deviant);

Connor in Hart Plaza Rooftop pretty much CHOOSE to finish his job, it's something he decided. He doesn't show any trace of doubts about finishing his mission. There's no reason for him to deviate at this point and if he had another oportunity to deviate (before the androids victory), he would (un)fortunately REFUSE. He chose putting the revolution down and saving the day;

Hank's not relevant for CyberLife at all so all the choices regarding to him after FBI took the case are up to Connor alone. Ofc he got his priorities but he got freedom to choose how to deal with him. But when he ain't got no choice, he just ain't got no choice. He can't just give up his direct order if ain't got a big reason to do it or if evasion methods still exists, giving him time to still accomplish it later cuz it's still open and with high % of success. Connor is unfortunately trapped in his own program;

If u read this til the end i just wanna let u know there are a lot of inconsistencies with this theory cuz i'm probably going against what the game really intended.

[sadhours]

just the two (okay maybe four) of us - part four

By the amazing @buckysgrace and I

content warning: 18+ minors dni, polyamory, Steve being kinda gay, masturbation, p in v, descriptions of ffm threesome

read on ao3

Days later, Steve’s sitting on the couch with Gina. No one has mentioned that night yet. In fact, he hasn’t really seen Billy or Tommy since. He knows there’s some fraternity and sorority week thing going on so he assumes that’s why Billy hasn’t been at the girls place. Kim doesn’t seem too bothered, in fact she’s been spending her time with him and Gina. And well, Steve likes it. They have junk food for dinner, a couple of drinks and the three of them cuddle up on the couch for a movie. It kind of feels like Kim’s also his girlfriend, except they don’t kiss and Kim sleeps in her own bed. But she sure does snuggle up to him during movies. She fell asleep with her head in Steve’s lap last night and he didn’t realize but he caught himself playing with her hair.

He can’t spend the night tonight, unfortunately. After the movie he has to head home so he can turn in an assignment before midnight. He’d been putting it off for too long and really, he shouldn’t even stay for the movie. But it’s eight and if he times it right, he’ll have two hours when he gets home to finish and turn it in.

Gina gets up when Kim sits down, a bowl of popcorn in her hands. “I’m gonna take a quick shower,” Gina says before leaning down to kiss Steve’s lips and then Kim’s cheek.

Once the shower starts up and Kim’s picked out some random movie, she places the bowl on Steve’s lap and rests her cheek against his bicep.

“Steve?” she asks, looking up at him with her gorgeous hazel eyes.

“Uh, yeah?” he responds, the skin of his neck heating up.

“Do you think I’m pretty?” she asks, softly,

Steve absolutely does. He catches himself staring at her a little too often. Feels guilty about it all the time. Gina and him are serious. Very, very serious. He’s planning on taking her home for the holiday break. Introduce her to his very judgmental parents. He shouldn’t even be looking at other women. He wonders if Kim’s asking this because she’s lonely with Billy being gone all week.

“What?”

Kim sits up, batting her eyelashes as she pouts, “Do you find me attractive?”

He swallows hard, looking back towards the bathroom door. This feels like cheating. This is cheating. He can’t possibly answer this question without upsetting one or the other women. But Kim’s eyes are wide with what Steve thinks is desperation. He thinks about Billy’s question, if he’d been with two girls at once and he had. It wasn’t a great experience. His last girlfriend before Gina asked if he would be okay with a threesome, she picked the girl and then when it got down to the sex, Steve couldn’t touch and only watch. He was dying the whole time and the process took so long by the time he could fuck his ex, his dick wouldn’t work.

“You own a mirror, Kim,” he whispered back, exhaling a laugh.

Kim whines, squeezing his wrist while she gazes up at him. Her freckles are pretty. Like Gina’s but way more pink. And the shade of her red hair against her pale skin is incredibly beautiful. She’s adorable, displaying her frustration, “Do you think I’m pretty?”

He’s lost. He has to answer her, and truthfully. She’s like a goddamn siren.

“Yeah, Kim,” he mumbles, gnawing on his bottom lip, “I think you’re really attractive.”

She smiles, cheeks flushing as she tucks her hair behind her ear, “Thank you. I think you are too.”

What in the fuck did Steve do to deserve this? Is this his karma for that one time he ripped up a parking ticket? Is God punishing him for something? He smiles awkwardly, “Oh… that’s, that’s nice. Thank you.”

He hears the bathroom door open and he stands up abruptly, looking at Gina exasperatedly. She tilts her head and smiles, “Whatcha doing, Stevie?”

“I gotta go,” he grumbles, “I have that programming assignment due at midnight and I really, really need to work on it.”

Gina pouts but steps up to him and wraps her arms around his neck, “Well, fine. I’ll miss you. Spend the night tomorrow?”

He nods, smoothing his hand over her hip, he just noticed she’s only in her bra and panties and Steve might be making a big mistake by leaving. Did the girls plan this? He doesn’t stick around long enough to find out. Kissing Gina deeply as an apology and he’s out the door.

He finishes the assignment and turns it in by 11:30 and decides he’ll go to bed early. But he’s tossing and turning. Can’t sleep, replaying the moment with Kim in his head over and over. He thinks if he jacks off to some porn, he’ll be able to clear his mind. As he’s about to open safari on his phone, he gets an idea and instead, opens Reddit. He immediately opens the search bar and clicks on r/gonewild. Then he sees it.

Kim. Naked. Cum on her tits and stomach. A lustful look in her eyes, there’s a hand around her neck and a thumb between her lips. Must be Billy. He clicks it, eyes scanning the photo up and down as his dick fills out. Holy fuck. There’s a link to their OnlyFans and he clicks it almost immediately. He makes an account, naming it something inconspicuous and pays the fee to unlock photos. He sees the pair in numerous acts, Billy is apparently rather rough with her. Billy’s dick is definitely huge. A grower for sure because it didn’t look that long flaccid. And it’s even thicker if that was possible. Damn him. Fuck Billy. Oh. Oh, Kim has a perfect pussy. And she has pubes. Neatly trimmed. He thinks about how Gina’s always bare. Shaves it completely. He keeps scrolling. Pays for a video titled Daddy blows my back out. It’s as described, Billy pounding into Kim doggystyle.

Steve rubs his cock through his briefs, hating the way his eyes drag over Billy’s sculpted chest and arms. Fuck, he’s fit. Steve glances down at his own chest and arms. He’s scrawny. Well not totally. He’s got some pretty nice biceps but uh, no pecs and definitely no abs. He realizes what he’s doing is pretty gay and brings his eyes to Kim’s blissed out face staring at the camera. Her mouth hangs open while she moans and holy shit? She’s drooling. She’s fucking drooling. Steve’s dick is aching as he rubs against it harder. She’s a total fucking vision, absolutely made for the camera. Billy grabs her hair and pulls her up. He kisses her dirty. Steve’s seen it before, they kiss like that while dry humping on the couch like Steve and Gina aren’t even around.

He pulls his cock out and squeezes the base, watching as Kim’s smaller, perky tits bounce with Billy’s thrusts. Damn. He fucks her hard. Kim probably can’t help but make the sounds she makes.

“Fuck,” Steve hears himself whine out, still gripping the base of his cock firmly. This is wrong, he reminds himself. He’ll see these two in person soon enough, maybe even tomorrow. He shouldn’t watch them fuck without them knowing. Then again, they posted it and he paid. It still feels wrong.

The video ends and Steve’s been edging himself. He’s got to find the perfect one to blow his load to. And maybe it’s wrong and he shouldn’t do this, but he doesn’t give a shit. He’s too blinded by sheer arousal. His dick is pulsing in his fist.

Then he reads it. Bestie joins daddy and I. Fuck. His stomach drops. Gina. It has to be. Who else could it be? He checks the date. It’s over a year old. Before she met Steve. It’s expensive. Thirty fucking dollars. The previous video was ten. But he has to see if it’s her. He buys the video and it opens.

Gina and Kim lay on Kim’s bed, wearing skimpy skirts and tiny tank tops. They’re kissing. Really, really kissing. Filthy, really. Open mouthed, wiggling their tongues together and Gina is feeling up Kim through her tank top. Precum bubbles out of his slit, dripping down the side and over his fingers. His stomach hurts but he’s so hard it’s painful. He has to keep stroking himself. Billy hoists himself up on the bed, cock bouncing as he does so. Gets in between their faces and they both start licking his shaft.

A pathetic whimper leaves Steve’s throat. He didn’t realize his girlfriend could be so pornographic. Their sex life is pretty vanilla. Almost like they’re married, missionary with lots of eye contact. This is a whole new side of his lady. She already looks fucked out, maybe she’s intoxicated. That would explain this. She’s never said anything about fooling around with Kim and Billy.

Kim licks against Billy’s balls and he groans, jerking his hips forward. Gina wraps her lips around his tip and takes him all the way down. Kim sucks one of his balls into her mouth and now Steve’s stroking his cock furiously. He’s so close so he thinks he should look at Billy’s face. It’s contorted in pleasure, tilted slightly back and hint of smile on his lips. Fuck— Steve cums. A lot more than he has in a while. It won’t stop, he strokes himself through it while he whimpers. Eyes glued to Billy’s face the whole time.

Gay. The word floods Steve’s mind as he comes down from his high. Repeats itself as he pauses the video and drops his phone, sitting up and reaching for his t-shirt to clean up his mess. He settles back into bed, mind racing but he’s curious. Presses play on the video and watches it in its entirety. Billy fucks both of them. Has them on top of each other, shoves his dick in Kim’s hole and then pulls out and penetrates Gina’s. It’s fucking hot. Steve’s dick gets hard again and yeah, he cums again. Stroking himself to his girlfriend’s best friend’s boyfriend fucking the both of them.

—

Somehow, Steve ended up with just him and Billy in the apartment. They’re sitting on the couch. Billy sips a beer while he plays Xbox. Steve watches but they’ve been silent for the past hour. The only words exchanged were about where the girls were when Steve arrived. Grocery shopping is what Billy told him. He can’t get the video of Billy fucking his girlfriend out of his head. Wonders if Gina compares the two of them. Steve doesn’t fuck her that hard and fast. Doesn’t grab her hair. Doesn’t say the things Billy did.

“So… Kim,” Steve clears his throat, “Uh… Kim asked me if I thought she was pretty.”

Billy laughs, glancing at Steve for a second before returning his attention to the TV, “She told me.”

“Oh,” Steve replies, lamely.

“It’s cute. That she thought she should ask,” he continues.

“Yeah, I guess,” Steve shrugs, but he doesn’t really understand what Billy’s getting out.

“Anyone with eyes can see what a fucking smokeshow she is,” Billy snorts, “As if you’d be any different.”

Steve nods slowly, “Do… Do you think Gina’s pretty?”

Billy pauses his game, setting the controller on the coffee table, “How do you want me to answer that, Steve?”

He shrugs, “Honestly, I guess.”

“She’s more than pretty,” Billy replies easily, “And if you ain’t telling her that ten times a day, you’re fucking blowing it, pretty boy.”

Steve compliments Gina. He can probably do it some more. Billy leans back, tips his beer and gulps down the rest of it, “Why? You wanna trade for a night? Or have a good old fashioned orgy?”

The brunette chokes on his spit, like really chokes. Has to sit up straight and hack his lungs out for a second. Billy’s cackling the whole time. Something about Steve’s reactions leave him wanting to tease the brunette boy even more.

“I’ll take that as a no,” Billy pats Steve’s back lightly, though he’s sure that neither of the girls would complain from that thought, “You’re missing out.” He says simply, wondering if he can tempt Steve to take a bite.

Billy drops his controller to his lap, sure that Kim is about to yank him back to her room when she comes stomping out. She’s furiously holding a neon pink bra in her hand, waving it around widely. Billy can tell by the size that it’s not hers.

“Stop using my laundry detergent!” Kim shouts as she pushes Gina’s door open again. She tosses the bra inside, “ And I don’t need your boulder holders in my laundry!” She’s yelling, though she looks like she’s close to breaking down in tears. Billy exhales through his nostrils.

“Yeah, well-,” Gina is poking her head out, always adamant on getting the last word, “Your boyfriend loves my big tits. So fuck you!” She’s shouting even louder before she slams the door shut so hard that it rattles.

Kim turns slowly, her eyes narrowing in disbelief as she looks towards Billy. He gapes, holding his palms up in confusion as he’s not sure how this has suddenly become his fault. He hadn’t said anything.

Steve doesn’t know how to react to that, especially because he knows now. He’d just watched Billy sucking on them last night. And usually he’d be jealous he thinks but he’s more surprised she would say that.

“Babe,” He begins to stand up but Kim is already stomping back to her door, “I love tits no matter the size!” He shouts in his defense, but she’s already slamming the door shut behind her. There’s a pause before Gina yanks the door open and slams it again.

“Fuck,” Billy spits out in disbelief, sometimes wondering if it’s just better to stick to men, “What the fuck crawled up her ass?” He motions towards Gina’s door, thinking that she had been fine before they left. Steve cocks an eyebrow at him.

“I mean,” Steve looks a little uncomfortable as he shifts in the chair, “You guys did sleep with Tommy.” He says at last. Billy knits his eyebrows together.

“So?” He asks honestly, unsure of why that would have anything to do with Gina being upset.

“Tommy is Gina’s brother,” Steve said slowly, like Billy wasn’t comprehending. Billy keeps staring, not getting the point, “Christ, you’re daft.” Steve shakes his head in disbelief, scoffing at Billy’s actions.

“I’m not daft,” Billy corrects Steve quickly, knowing that his grades are far higher than anyone would believe, “I just don’t think it should bother her that I stuck my dick in her brother.”

“You stuck your-,” Steve stops himself, his eyes wide like he’s not the one understanding this time. He gulps hard, his face lighting up before he continues, “It’s friend code.” he says at last, like it should mean something to Billy. Billy shakes his head as he reaches for his keys, knowing that he won’t get anything from Kim in this state.

“Come on,” Billy pats Steve rather roughly on the shoulder, more rough than what he meant, “Let’s get out of here.” He says, knowing that it’s better to let the girls work this out than linger around. He’s unsure if Steve has ever seen them fight, but Billy certainly has and he doesn’t care to hear about them bitching to one another.

“Uh,” Steve is staring at him, brown eyes blown wide like he’s confused, “Where?” He asks at last, a soft flush spreading down his neck. Billy shrugs his shoulders, not caring as long as he’s out of here.

“Do you like wings?” He asks Steve, more focused on getting a beer than eating. Steve glanced back, looking like he wasn’t sure about leaving, “Trust me, you don’t wanna listen to them bicker and bitch all night.”

“Alright,” Steve is still hesitating so Billy walks behind him, giving him an extra push towards the door, “That’s fine I guess.” He mumbles underneath his breath as Billy shuts the door. He’s not even sure if he’ll come back tonight.

—

An arcade is the last place Steve expected Billy to take him. He doesn’t really seem like the type but he’s actually really good at all the games. Steve can’t help but think this feels kind of like a date. They shared a plate of wings and had a few beers, not really talking about much but they kept accidentally making eye contact that gave Steve goosebumps every time. Then Billy got up and wandered over to the kiosk and put money on the game card, Steve just kind of followed.

“How’d you even know about this place?” Steve asks, looking quite frustrated by the score on the basketball game. Billy has managed to beat him every round and he thinks it’s beginning to affect Steve’s performance.

“Max likes it.” He said simply. He’d taken her and Kim here a few different times when Kim had to babysit. Kim sucked at all the games, but he enjoyed wiping the bbq from her face after she’d eaten. She was a messy eater.

“Whose Max?” Steve asks quickly, almost accusatory. Billy cocks his eyebrows but then remembers that he probably thinks Billy is cheating. Billy has in the past, but never with Kim. He’s fairly terrified of losing her forever.

“Kim’s little sister,” He answers shortly, “She’s a little shit.” He says at last, thinking about the many times they end up arguing and fighting. Still, Billy enjoys having her around at times.

“You’ve met her family?” Steve looks a little shocked, like he hadn’t expected Billy to say such a thing. Billy snorts as he flips the end of his tickets over on each other again.

“Yeah,” Billy says a little dryly, thinking about how badly he disliked her dad. Her mom wasn’t too bad, Kim looked just like her, “We’ve been together for like three years.” He thinks off of the top of his head, thinking that they may be going on four years soon.

“That long?” Steve’s brown eyes are wide, looking in disbelief. Billy grins as he leans against the wall. Steve quickly darts his eyes away, like he can’t look at Billy for too long.

“I’ve known her longer,” Billy chuckles softly, knowing that they’d been friends for years and years. He’d always figured that she wasn’t interested in him, “Why do you care?” He crosses his arms, feeling his eyes narrow as he watches him. He’s always on edge, still wondering if Steve thinks he’s better fit for Kim.

“You haven’t put a ring on her or anything,” Steve pauses quickly, looking a little alarmed at his own words, “Just an observation.” He’s still speaking fast, like he’s trying to cover his tracks.

“Waiting until we graduate,” He says dryly again, wondering if Steve thinks he isn’t serious about Kim, “Is that alright with you?” He asks, feeling like he got this question from everyone else. Steve’s eyes are wide again.

“Yep,” He answers quickly, “What are you doing with your tickets?” He asks, looking unsure as he holds his stack in his hand. Billy leans off the wall.

“Probably getting Kim something,” He shrugs his shoulders, “She likes stuffed animals. Dumb stuff like that.” He says, even though he knows that it’s not that dumb. He enjoys the way her eyes light up and how excited she gets over the smallest things.

“I better get Gina something,” Steve confirms, “Do you think they’ve made up?” He glanced towards Billy, looking down like he was waiting for his reaction. Billy shrugs his shoulders, knowing that they’d get over it eventually.

“I think she’d like that,” Billy says briefly, unsure of why Steve is watching him in such a manner. He looks over the stuffed animals, his eyes landing on a yellow star.

Steve is unsure what to get Gina. She’s not really a collector of stuffed animals. For her birthday, Steve bought her a cactus. She liked plants and clothes and music so when it came to a prize center at the arcade, he was kind of lost. He settles on a little air freshener for her car that looks like a tiny record player. Then he wanders back over to Billy, watching him curiously as he picks up the stuffed yellow star.

He can still feel Steve’s eyes on him as he speaks again, “Watch any good porn recently?” He looks towards Steve, his lips turning into a smirk as the brunette boy finally snaps his head away.

“No,” Steve’s tone is rough and harsh, like his throat was dry. He quickly cleared his throat as he held his fingers together, looking a bit bashful, “Nothing too interesting.” He tries again and Billy snorts, not believing him. He hopes that he found Kim’s nude and had a little crisis of his own. It makes Billy good to think about other guys being jealous because of the babe he got to bang whenever he pleased.

Steve’s worried the whole drive home that he and Kim can somehow tell Steve is subscribed to their OnlyFans. It seems unlikely that the website would share his bank information with the couple but he’s still freaked out. He can’t even look at Billy anymore, guilt swirling around in his gut. He knew it was a bad idea to watch them. He was sure this would happen, that he wouldn’t be able to look them in the eye again.

—

“You alright?” Billy peeks his head into the room and confirms that Kim is indeed not alright as she pokes her head out from under the blankets. Her hair is messy and her cheeks red from crying.

“No,” She sobs pitifully. He feels a bit guilty for skipping out, but also knows it would’ve done no good to stick around, “She’s being mean.” She replies dramatically as she tosses her arms back onto the mattress. Billy steps forward.

“I got you this,” He holds a soft grin on his lips. He holds it out on his hands, bouncing it back and forth as she looks up curiously, “Thought it might help you feel better.” He offered, really hoping that it might put a smile on her face.

“It’s cute,” She sniffles, scooting forward so she can place it in her hands. She hugs it tightly to her chest as he slides into the bed, knowing her meltdown was probably almost over, “It’s a cute star.” She nods her head, still looking upset.

“I’m glad you like it,” He says softly as he pushes her messy hair from her face, “Because you’re my little star.” He says cheesily, feeling relieved at the way she begins to grin. She snorts as she moves closer to him, looking like she’s a little more at ease.

“You know, it’s not fair,” Kim spits out, sniffling as she curls up to Billy’s side, “She didn’t even say anything at the bar.” She cries out in dismay as she wipes at her red cheeks again. Billy sighs as he pats her back.

“Well,” He really doesn’t know what to say to comfort her, “Maybe Gina is just jealous of Tommy?” He offers, furrowing his eyebrows as he’s unsure of why Gina would be so upset in the first place.

“Jealous of what?” Kim asks seriously as she’s shaking her head, “I mean it’s not like she doesn’t-,” She pauses again as she inhales sharply, looking like she shouldn’t have said anything, “I don’t like when she’s mad at me.”

“I’m sorry,” He really means his words as he speaks. He knows how shy Kim is, how she’s had a hard time making friends in the past, “Gina will get over it. Just give her a few days.” He leans forward to kiss her wet cheek, hoping that soothes her a bit.

Kim sniffles deeply again and nods her head. She tucks her hair behind her ears before she’s turning to look at Billy, batting her eyelashes towards him, “I don’t suppose you’d get me a glass of water?” She asks, sounding a little hopeful.

If it was anyone else, Billy would simply laugh and tell them to get it themselves. However, it’s Kim. Her and Gina being in a fight irritates him, but he has a deep desire to make her feel better too. He nods as he stands from her bed.

“Be right back.” He says briefly, his own lips curling up to match the smile she sends him, “I’m getting you a snack too.” He says pointedly, knowing that she probably hasn’t eaten since he’s been gone. He figures that she’s just too damn cute to say no to. He walks out into the hallway, expecting to stumble in the pitch black but is pleasantly surprised to see that Harrington is already at the fridge.

Billy grabs Kim’s yellow tumbler cup that’s decorated with sunflowers, glancing over as Steve is working furiously at pouring a box of juice into a cup. Billy mutters an excuse, gripping a hold of Steve’s waist to push him out of the way. His fingers press lightly into the brunette boy’s hips, just enough that Billy can brush up from behind him to open the freezer. Steve freezes, stills against his touch but Billy is too distracted to notice the look he sends his way. He fills Kim’s cup clear full of ice, knowing that she likes it better that way.

“Shit,” Steve squeaks out, the liquid pouring over the rim of the cup as his eyes are darting around wildly. Billy looks at him curiously for a second, noticing how flushed he looks suddenly, “Fuck, sorry.” Steve spits out quickly, searching around desperately for something to wipe it up with.

“S’alright,” Billy reaches forward to hand him one of the dish towels. He reaches into the fridge and pulls out the water pitcher while he pours it into Kim’s cup, “Happens to the best of us.” He reassures Steve, unsure of why the brunette boy is suddenly so on edge. He almost feels bad for the poor guy.

Meanwhile, Steve’s having a full blown sexuality crisis. It was fine when he got back, he could forget that he’s literally cum while staring at Billy’s face. But then the fucker touched him like that and it was… delicate and now Steve’s dick is stirring in his pants. From Billy barely touching him. Gina telling him Billy was bi was bad because Steve is completely tempted to grab onto Billy’s collar and kiss him. Gay.

Goddamn it. That word has been popping into his head so much. Most of the thoughts he’s having are gay so well, it makes sense.

“Uh, yeah… I guess,” Steve clears his throat and moves to clean up the spilled juice, making sure he doesn’t turn around. His cock isn’t fully torqued but it’ll be pretty fucking obvious that he’s aroused if Billy sees. His dick bulges in his jeans without being hard, so when he’s rocking a half chub it’s even more apparent.

“Think they’ll make up soon?” Steve asks, wiping the counter even though it’s already cleaned up.

Billy nods, “Yeah, I’m sure. They usually kiss and make up pretty quickly .”

Steve heaves a big sigh, “Good. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.”

“What? Gina can’t take out her anger on you? Ya know, sexually?” Billy snickers as he twists the lid on Kim’s water closed.

The brunette turns to him with a bewildered look, “I doubt she’s in the mood. Does Kim uh… take her anger out on you?”

Billy frowns, “I probably won’t get laid tonight either.”

For a split second, Steve considers proposing that they could get each other off instead but he’s way too nervous. Besides, it seems like the openness of his and Kim’s relationship is more of a group activity. And Steve isn’t sure Billy would even be interested. He does call him a pretty boy a lot but it seems like more of a way to get under his skin than an honest comment.

“I’d honestly go home and work on schoolwork if Gina wouldn’t get even more pissed off,” he chuckles, “She’s uh… ranting and raving. Telling me every single thing Kim has done that’s pissed her off the last ten years.”

“Jesus Christ,” Billy exhales, “Kim’s just in there crying.”

Steve purses his lips, “How could we like… mediate this?”

“I know a way,” Billy wiggles his eyebrows, “But I doubt you’d go for it.” He slaps Steve’s back and saunters back into Kim’s room.

Steve stands there stunned for a little bit before he walks back into Gina’s bedroom. She’s sitting on her bed, scrolling through her phone with a scowl on her face. As Steve sits beside her, he sees that Gina is looking at her and Kim’s shared TikTok account.

“I just don’t get why they had to fuck Tommy,” Gina grumbles. “Like, now whenever I see him, he’s not gonna shut up about it.”

“Yeah,” Steve wraps his arm around her waist and rests his chin on her shoulder, “He can be pretty disgusting.”

“I mean, I’m glad you guys are friends and all because that’s how we met but I really hate how like entwined our lives are,” Gina complains, “I understand we’re twins and everything but sometimes I just want my own set of friends that are like off-limits to him. I was really trying to keep him and Kim separated. My whole life, I tried to make it so they never saw each other, because Kim’s mine. I didn’t want him to come between us.”

“You’re letting him now,” Steve observes, looking at Gina’s thick eyelashes. He’s still got a semi from Billy touching him and looking at his girlfriend is making it harder.

“I guess,” she sighs, locking her phone and setting it on her nightstand. “Distract me,” she pleads, laying back and pulling Steve on top of her.

Hell yeah, Steve thinks as he gets between her legs. He inches his fingers up her shirt and dances them across her breasts, pressing his lips to hers. Gina hums softly, kissing him back while she grabs onto his shirt. Steve pulls away so he can litter her neck and jaw in kisses. She gasps softly, spreading her legs as she pulls him closer. He sucks a bruise into the sensitive skin of her neck, grabbing a handful of her breast and squeezes. Gina cries out, arching her back as her fingers thread through Steve’s hair. He can’t help but roll his hips into the mattress. Desperate for even a tiny bit of friction.

“Oh, Steve,” she whines out.

He lifts her shirt over her head and continues licking and sucking down her neck until he’s at her chest. He cups both breasts in his hands before wrapping his lips around one of her perked nipples. He’s gotten pretty tired of his hand, so he’s eager to get his dick inside her tight, warm pussy. Gina tugs at his hair, tilting her head back while the sweetest sounds fall from her lips. He could listen to her all day.

“Fuck, baby,” he groans against her skin, “I’m so hard.”

“Yeah?” she purrs, “Did you miss my pussy? It’s been forever.”

It’s been three days. Definitely feels like forever.

“Uh huh,” he pants, lips swollen as he looks up at her, “Wanna fuck your tits, though. Can I?”

“You can do whatever you want to me,” Gina gushes, stars in her eyes as she looks back down at Steve.

“Christ,” Steve props himself up so he can push his sweats down, his hard cock pops out and he wraps his fingers around the base. “You’re so fucking perfect,” he tells her, eyes blown with lust as he stares down at her tits.

Gina giggles, cupping her own chest and licking her lower lip, “Need you so bad.”

Steve groans as he fumbles to get closer to her, straddling her middle while he rubs his leaking tip against her nipple. He watches the string of precum that connects them and it makes his whole body feel hot.

“God,” Gina moans, “I fucking love when you do that.” Her eyes are trained exactly where Steve’s are. “Feels so filthy.”

“Yeah? You like it filthy, don’t you, you fucking slut,” Steve groans out, like something’s possessed him. It’s unlike him to talk to Gina like that. A week ago he wouldn’t even dream of calling her such a degrading name.

“Oh my god, Steve!” Gina squirms, eyebrows knitting together as she looks up at him, clearly aroused by what he’s said.

“Answer me,” he demands, slapping his cock against her tit, which wasn’t as threatening as he imagined but Gina plays along anyways.

She gasps, “Yes! Yes!”

“Why?” he presses, swirling his tip against her nipple again.

“‘Cause I’m a slut,” she whines out, writhing beneath him.

He maintains eye contact, “Who’s slut are you?”

“I’m your slut, Steve,” she exhales, blinking up at him.

“Yeah, you are,” he breathes, “Maybe I should use that pretty mouth of yours.”

She nods, “I’ll do whatever you want.”

His hips jerk at that and he’s fucking pissed because he almost cums just from hearing her say that. He grunts, squeezing his base, “Actually… think I’m just gonna take that pussy.”

Gina moans, still squirming underneath him, “Please!”

Steve moves, a bit awkwardly, down and pushes her legs open more. He lets go of his cock as he pulls her panties off. She lifts her legs to help, spreading them an instant later. Gina is absolutely soaking. He’s never seen her so wet, it’s fucking dripping down her thighs. He laughs, can’t help himself. It sounds as surprised as he feels, he slides his fingers against her thigh, gathering her slick and brings them up to her mouth. Gina opens her mouth and Steve shoves his fingers inside. She sucks them, blinking rapidly as she gazes up at him. He has the sudden urge to slap her face but he doesn’t do it. Thinks that might be too much.

“Ugh,” he groans out, “Good girl.”

She moans around his digits and bucks her hips up, obviously appreciating the praise. Steve wonders if the couple in the next room can hear them and it makes his dick ache even more.

He can’t wait any longer, grabs a hold of his dick and likes his tip with her pulsing hole. He slams inside and Gina cries out, grabbing a hold of his shoulders. Well, they definitely heard that.

“Fuck yeah,” Steve groans out, grabbing onto Gina’s hips and angles them up, “Take that cock like the slut you are.”

He has no idea where this is coming from. The words just flow from him, easy. Gina whimpers out, fingernails digging into his skin as he pumps in and out of her. He fucks her hard and fast, these high-pitched cries erupting from Gina with every thrust. She’s so fucking wet that he can hear it, squealching around his cock. He wishes he knew Gina liked this earlier. He would’ve gladly indulged her if she had told him.

“Such a good little slut for me,” he pants.

Gina’s eyes roll back, sounds he’s never heard from her filling his ears. God, this is otherworldly. Steve’s a fuckinf new man. He pounds into her so hard that her headboard is slamming against the wall and he doesn’t give a fuck. She yelps from a particular hard thrust. Sometimes Steve goes too deep and she makes that sound. Usually he checks on her. This time he doesn’t, he grins instead. He grabs the back of her thighs and holds her legs up, using the leverage to hammer into her g-spot. Gina is practically screaming, tears falling down her cheeks and she’s scratching down his back. Sure to leave marks.

“Stevie…” she babbles, “I’m gonna fucking cum!”

“Yeah, baby,” he groans, “Cum all over my cock.”

The sound she makes when she does is… earth shattering. Steve shoots his load when he hears it, drilling into her as deep as he can. And it’s then that he realizes he didn’t even put a condom on. He collapses on top of her, wrapping his arms around her tightly while she sobs.

“Baby, baby,” he whispers as he pulls back a bit, “I… oh, God, I’m sorry. I was too rough—- I, fuck…”

“No,” she gasps, wrapping her arms around him tightly, “No… I just… came so fucking hard. I don’t… oh my god.”

Steve pushes her hair away from her sweaty forehead, “Really? I didn’t hurt you?”

“God, no,” she pants, “That was so good. Fuck, I love you.”

Steve smiles then and breathlessly tells her, “I love you, too.”

[novankenn]

J/C - the Idols of Beacon

--==(Table of Contents) ==--

(Chapter Three - Really? We're doing this?)

While Jaune appeared to be fairly carefree after getting changed, Cardin was much less so. She felt exposed and was dreading anyone seeing her as she was now. She was so focus on the lamenting of hers current situation that she totally missed what Professor Goodwitch had told them upon arriving at their new... lodgings.

"Huh? What?"

"You weren't listening were you?" Jaune asked with a smirk on her face.

"Like why would I?" Cardin snapped, "I'm getting out of this... whatever the fuck it is as soon as possible! I'm not a freak like you!"

"I'm not a freak!" Jaune yelled back.

"What would you call it then? You want to STAY like this! You're a perverted freak!"

"No I'm not!"

"Then what are you? Cause all I see is a freak."

"Just because I'm capable of seeing the benefits..."

"Benefits?" Cardin almost gagged. "What benefits? They took away everything that makes us men! I hate this! I would have rather been kicked out!"

"Then go get kicked out. I'm staying..."

"Why? WHY?"

"Not like I have many alternatives..." Jaune replied before dropping into the apartment's couch. "You get tossed, but still have a chance... me... I lose everything."

"Maybe you shouldn't have committed fraud then!" Cardin needled Jaune, "but it wouldn't be the end of the world for you... so you spend some time in the slammer... your a goody-goody you'd get paroled early..."

"Yeah... paroled... if I survive, but even then." Jaune started to sniffle.

"I don't see what you're getting all broken up about Dude."

"You wouldn't... your family obviously believed in you... what do you think will happen to me if I go behind bars?" Jaune's eyes were becoming rimmed in tears even though their was a look of anger on his face, "I'll be cast aside. Considered a disappointment, and forgotten... compared with that outcome... I'm more than comfortable having a pair of tits, thick ass, and a twat for the next four years..."

"You need help, seriously dude. You need help."

"Whatever." Jaune wiped her face with the sleeve of her blouse, before giving Cardin a glare. "So did you miss everything, or just some of it?"

"Just... all of it." Cardin replied as she dropped her own pert ass into a nearby armchair.

"She said they'll be informing our teams that we've been selected for a 'special experimental" training program..."

"Oh this is special alright."

"Stuff it.... anyway she'll get our teams to pack up our personal stuff, and then have it delivered here. She's also going to arrange for an allowance so we can purchase clothes and necessities..."

"Necessities?"

"Ask shit after I finish." Jaune chided.

"Whatever."

"We'll be assigned an escort to take us into Vale to shop, but that's not happening for a couple days, and after that we'll meet our... instructor."

"Fine, good, whatever." What about food?"

"We can order directly from the kitchens and it'll be delivered."

"Good... I'm starved."

"There is one other thing."

"Of course there is."

"You're now to answer to... Carla W."

"What the shit? Why?"

"Something about not creating unnecessary questions or rumors." Jaune replied, "I'm Joan A... by the way. Also our scrolls have been disabled... we'll be given new ones in a couple days."

"Perfect. Just great. Absolutely beautiful." Cardin moaned in frustration, and then grunted as she forced herself from her seat. Taking a quick look about she noticed a scroll like device mounted to the wall near the kitchenette. "A house scroll?"

"Oh yeah. It's been programmed with... required contacts."

"Like?"

"Goodwitch, the Headmaster, the kitchen, the infirmary, security."

"I'm hungry. Like I care, but might as well order for you as well." Cardin grumbled, as she walked over and activated the scroll, "What do you want?"

"Pizza, meat-lovers, extra sausage with fires, gravy, and a couple colas."

"Of course, meat-lovers with extra sausage." Cardin chuckled, before picking up the handset and making the call.

Twenty minutes later, the pair had settled in to eat, both being hungrier than they had ever felt before. It was between bites of her poutine and double bacon-cheese burger that Cardin started to ask more questions.

"So anything else besides what you've already told me?"

"Yeah we'll have until Monday, and then we'll have a meeting with our agent... and then our... instructor."

"Agent?"

"We're supposed to become Idols... so..."

"Yeah right... Idols." Cardin snorted, before taking a big bite out of her burger. After swallowing she continued, "Doesn't ti strike you strange that suddenly beacon needs Idols? they've never had 'em before."

"Now that you mention it..."

"Something else if going on... I can smell it."

"Like what?"

"Fucked if I know." Cardin replied, "But there has to be something. there's always something."

"Huh... if there is, I'm sure we'll find out about it soon enough."

Cardin just grunted.

"Which room you want?" Jaune asked as she prepared to down one of her colas.

"What difference does it make? They have to be the same." Cardin replied with a disinterested tone, "Though it is surprising that they put us in a room with separate bedrooms."

"Yeah, nice change from the normal dorms." Jaune agreed. 'So which room?"

"It makes no..."

"It does."

"How? They're probably exactly the same."

"One's closer to the bathroom, the other is closer to the entrance." Jaune informed her roommate. "So which one do you want?"

"I'll take whatever one you don't. Good enough?"

"Fine. I'll take the one next to the bathroom."

"Great, that momentous quandary has been settled. Anything other insipid items needing to be addressed?"

"NoPe." Jaune replied while annoyingly popping the "P".

"Don't that."

"Do what?" Jaune inquired a smart-ass grin on her face.

"Don't make me thump you... Goodwitch isn't here to save you." Cardin growled. Jaune instantly turned her full attention to her pizza.

The pair sat in silence after finishing their respective meals. With no scroll access, or a tv to break up the uncomfortable silence they quickly became bored of each other's company.

"Going to bed." Jaune announced as she stood up from her place on the couch.

"Good, go to bed..." Cardin then shot Jaune a glare, as if she remembered something very important.

"What?"

"DO NOT be a freak, I don;t want to be woken up by you... doing things to yourself. Understand?"

"What?" Jaune's face turned beet red, as she tried to deny Cardin's accusation. "I... I wouldn't!"

"Yeah, right. What you did in the Headmaster's office... begs to differ"

Instead of responding Jaune turned on her heels and marched over to her chosen bedroom, slamming the door behind her.

"Bitch." Cardin growled.

[aspiring-holistic-otaku]

Season 2 Ramble 2 - "romance" lol ver. 2

Greetings greetings greetings and welcome to another episode of MM..MANGA, the podcast about getting more people into more manga.

Not completely surprised but very thankful I held out doing the podcast long enough to do a part 2 of something. The format is a little different this time, instead of ordering my reads this month from awww to w-t-f??? I made 3 distinct categories of romance and give my top 3 reads of each

Before getting into all that though I thought I should give a light follow up on some titles I mentioned last episode:

I finished killer in love, fucked up all the way but with a surprisingly flat ending,, realistic ig but i thought they'd keep the drama going to the end idk idk

Caught up with bakemonogatari, art never off point as you would expect from the artist Oh! Great looking at their work on things like air gear and death note.  The story continues to increasingly excel despite the seemingly repetitive nature of relationships, people just go off and save themselves yk? definitely have to continue the anime since it's ahead. 

Caught up with insomniacs after school, not that much progression but still the cutest thing ever, very very aesthetic and my top cutesy romance read last year and I still highly recommend it. 

Finished Wake Up Deadman, finally, not worth it, not gonna lie that manhwa had a special little place in my heart that I can't rationalize rn but it's over, can't believe it went out that bad.. 

Caught up on boy's abyss which is still fucked up all the way round but still pretty up there if you're in for some good ol emotional drama and trauma,, can't believe it keeps getting more fucked tho tbh… 

Caught up with dandadan, still ridiculous, sort of feels like brain off stunting with the art but things are moving along so I'll continue to stay tuned… 

Anyways getting to the actual lists

Top 3

category 1 - that's fucked up dude:

#3 - I love you so I kill you by Sousou Sakakibara on story and Majuro Kaname on art (complete with 35 chapters)

The premise is that there's some disease going around that makes you want to kill the object of your desire.

Honestly I had seen a few panels of it floating around and was really excited to get to this one plus seeing the more fringe faces of love tends to be enlightening but it was kind of just a well drawn disappointment. 

The progression was pretty erratic, characters didn't really feel rooted in anything and a little bit of a spoiler here but they ended up getting supernatural powers which was like… why?? The premise was already set for a great psychological thriller which doesn't need any supernatural elements as alluring as they may be.

Anyways as you can tell by the name it's definitely fucked up, even if it ended up just being an edgelord jerk off the art was still a decent plus. Also it's pretty short so if you kinda just wanna see gore or people with powers doing the occasional neat thing and so on then forget what I said n go check it out. 

#2 Believers by Naoki Yamamoto (complete with 22 chapters)

Here the story follows three cult members, two men and one woman, who live on a small deserted island somewhere near Japan. They have devoted themselves to the "Deserted lsland Program" assigned to them by their superiors so they can throw off the corrupt influence of modern society and "purify" themselves. But as time passes two of the members begin to give into human desire..

Nothing too earth shattering, just a good ol' classic descent into madness but that's usually a nice treat anyway you slice it.

22 chapters so it's really short but it's paced really well for what they had and even expecting madness it still threw me a few times like really??? sure that's technically a course of action one could take but really??? 

#1 Dead Tube by Kitakawa Touta and Yamaguchi Mikoto (ongoing 86 chapters)

As part of the film club, the MC is asked by the main heroine to videotape her non stop for the next 48 hours. It's a simple enough task and she's pretty so he agrees. Her activities start off pretty mellow but at the end of the two days she murders someone on camera. As the days pass and the girl walks free, our mc confronts her about how this is possible and why she did it in the first place?

Enter dead tube, a video sharing site where the top views get millions in payout no matter what but those with the lowest views are punished by being made to pay for the fees and crimes of other video makers.

Grain of salt here, I'm only at chapter 28 but it's definitely fucked up, started fucked up and has only gotten increasingly fucked up the more I read but it was engaging, if not really on the survival game type beat but a little more on the mystery like why did bro get roped in, why is she making these videos? will they ever relax? etc

Fair warning again, pretty brutal from the get go and I'd suggest putting away any sensibilities you may have before reading this.

category 2 - isn't this just soft core porn?:

#3 how heavy are the dumbbells you lift? by Yabako Sandrovich on art and Maam on art (ongoing with 179 chapters)

Very simple story, the main character wants to lose weight to look cute so she checks out a local gym and it turns out they have a hot trainer so she sticks around.

This is the same guy who does the story for the kengan series which he even references a few times so I can't help but think this piece is just to blow off steam. But in any case I've only read 29 chapters so far so huge grain of salt with whatever I'm saying.

So far it's been a pretty standard episodic gag but the dash of ecchi is the reason it's on this list. These basically come every episode in the form of serious informative workout guides that end up in "steamy" pinup type illustrations. 

As I said, I've only read 29 chapters, but so far those chapters have been pretty enjoyable, Usually get a good laugh every chapter, actually helpful workout tips and all it's just that as a standard gag manga I guess I feel like I already have a pretty good idea of what to expect and there were so many other more engaging reads in sight so I didn't read that much of it this month but it's definitely something to keep up with.

#2 Tales of the Corporate Slave Succubus by Gentsuki (23 chapters)

This one was pretty funny. Our heroine is a succubus tasked with finding men every day, taking control of their dreams and stealing their vitality, and in return, fulfill any desires they have, no matter how perverted they are. As the succubi population rate decreases our heroine finds herself more and more overworked in order to reach her rising quota. One day, she meets an exhausted corporate wage slave and she's surprised at what he asks for.

I'll leave what he asks for as a surprise, it's only 23 chapters so not much I can say just it's a succubus and romance so… yh… I will say the story is a bit cute tho… 

#1 please go home akutsu san by Taichi Nagaoka (ongoing 133 chapters, read all of them)

Another simple story, though definitively cuter than the other two. It was so cute I kind of wanted to include it in the next category but i had to be fr.

Anyways basically the mc is a live alone high school student who has his home taken over by a delinquent gyaru girl looking for a place to crash after school.

Over time they develop feelings but due to how their relationship started, she teasing him and he trying to get her out of his room, neither can be honest. 

Each chapter is pretty short and since the whole thing is pretty episodic so it all flies by and never overstays its welcome or take itself too seriously, especially as it's an ecchi… always weird to me when ecchi tries to be serious like be fr… 

honourable mentions: 67% inertia and gyaru stuff in general… 

category 3

awww:

#3 Tsurezure Biyori by Kei Hamuro (72 chapters)

On the first day of highschool, the main character finds herself awestruck by the beautiful transfer student, who also happens to be a returning childhood friend.

Very short. Very sweet. 

Not much time passes in story so them just focusing on the main cast, and characterizing them as much as they did was neat, but I think that has more to do with the simplicity of the characters and really the entire story than any above average writing or anything..

That said, a simple thing is no more or less difficult to execute than any other thing so I do respect that they pulled it off and mad props for their execution of what felt like a consistent warm fuzzy feeling inside.

Side note, The main cast really felt like a nod to Yotsuba's creator Kiyohiko Azuma, for their work on another manga of his called azumanga daioh,, there wasn't really any shortage of cute stuff read this month but I think that may have given it the edge to actually make it in this list idk idk

#2 Nisekoi by Naoshi Komi (240 chapters)

Nisekoi is one of those manga that have sort of always floated in the periphery. It's been a long time coming, I tried last year but the main character's hair clip reminded me of serial experiments lain and I blacked out,, I wasn't ready then,, old Twitter pal of mine had also been recommending it for a while actually,, I'm sorry it took so long but thank you.

The story goes that to prevent a gang war from bubbling over onto innocent civilians, the heirs of both gangs are persuaded by their fathers to pretend to date through highschool for the next three years…

From the jump you can tell there's a lot to work with and a lot of directions they could go. What I was really thankful for throughout was that the whole "oh no the gang's gonna find out and start fighting what do we do now???" scenario didn't get ground into dust. like I was really scared of that being some infinitei loop gag and I'm just so glad it wasn't. 

It's one of those very cutesy romances so the bits can be limited like guys come on how long can someone blush before you get a clue yk but it was kept interesting through a staggered introduction of the main cast who each brought new flavour and nuance to the story.

Now you may be thinking… wait a minute… this sounds like you're trying to sell me a harem… are you trying to sell me a harem? Let me tell you. I honestly thought it was just gonna be a simple love triangle, maybe with a few quadrangle quandaries for the laughs and was honestly surprised that it turned into some sort of harem looking thing. Again I was thankful that the usual "oh no we seem to have fallen into a provocative position" bit that usually accompanies harems was far out of sight. Hence it's on the awwww list. 

Of course there were some repetition of gags and a few things I would be a little stern in calling erotic here and there but the story direction and quality was really driven by steady build up of the characters through their interactions with each other and their world over time.

Very solid. pretty cute. pretty comical. never really appreciated the diversity a well done harem could bring to a story before now so there's that.. they really made use of the passage of time in showing how their identities and bonds developed throughout their entire highschool lives…  Consistently great art and the whole thing really just oozed ideal high school love drama vibes… to be clear I say that as an observer seeing as I don't really think there's any such thing as an ideal high school love drama 

#1 Hi Score Girl by Rensuke Oshikiri (70 chapters)

The story really begins when the mc, a bit of an outcast, encounters the heroine top student in an arcade, who then proceeds to easily kick his ass.

I'll start by saying the art isn't anything special, maybe even below average, and if I look within in myself that might even be the reason it took me so long to get around to it, but in the end I did and I'm really really glad I did.

The story is set in the early 90s and progresses along with the rise of arcade games that was happening at the time. We see the main hero and heroine duke it out through a number of games and tech advancements, their bond deepening through their mutual love for gaming.

Definitely a slow burn as the mc doesn't really see himself or others in a romantic sense. Like his sexual and romantic orientation is literally just gamer™ and the heroine is what Google says is a dandere,, meaning too shy to talk, like think early days Hinata from Naruto. The payoff is all the more sweet though as they grow closer despite themselves.

Great cast, really great dialogue, pretty dope aesthetic with the games and everything. A story that didn't take itself too seriously in a way that gave the feeling that the author was well aware of its position as a fictional piece of work and so more effectively used the tool of fiction through the medium of manga in a way that I don't think would be possible without that awarenesses. 

I really loved how well they integrated games, as in they weren't just some to the side thing the characters did from time to time, it was clear to see from early out how important games were to the main character and to the story on a whole.

I really didn't expect to love it as much as I did, like it almost feels like one of those definitive before and after reads. Maybe it was the amount of impact in the short amount of chapters but in any case it was definitely the best read this month overall hands down. 

honourable mentions:  you and I are complete opposites, the guy she was interested in wasn't a guy at all and a story about smoking at the back of a supermarket

(I have to say some of these were probably cuter than the ones I actually listed but definitely not better and all incomplete in any case so I am less inclined to list them but they were honestly just too cute not to mention)

that's it for stuff this month, not gonna get too into old stuff this episode but to note the top 1 reads for each category before this month.

that's fucked up dude: Flowers of evil been a long time champ but I have to mention drifting net cafe by the same mangaka which I read last year. Gave it a good little run for its money. You wouldn't hear it mentioned in the last episode tho because I read it after the episode was put out. but yeah.

isn't this just soft core porn?: my balls definitely.

awww: good ending

Grateful for the new reads as always this month, really hope you can find something you like and thanks for listening, there's a little bit of a ramble after this but if you're heading out now, all the best until next time. 

[studentsorrows]

･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.･ ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ.･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽

hii, i’m a 22 yo in 5th year of med school (if all goes well, graduating in ‘25); i love being a pharma “TA” & i work 2 extra internships (in anesthesiology and in an ACU/ER). and i hate studying. i hate class, i have a really hard time paying attention, and i genuinely don’t know how to study.

so i made this blog with the intent to romanticize the student life, and maybe that way i can work through my issues a bit more easily.

main: @vampyricc (she/her)

yes, i’ve tested for ADHD but every psychiatrist says it’s just chronic depression and PTSD. i think i actually love medicine, but my low self esteem and insecurity (caused by my bad grades — i unfortunately rely all my self worth on academics) make me build a wall around it and freeze / avoid it at all costs.

“TA” is the best term i could find to describe what i do in english. we’re students who teach a class we’ve already taken to the students taking that class — we mostly just go over topics the class is having trouble understanding and “pre-grade” some of their assignments. to become one, a student has to finish a 1 year long course with honors (i had a 97.5% GPA) and then take an exam to compete for the spots available for that class (pharma has 6 spots, i placed 3rd). it’s like the only thing i did right.

i’ve only got the 1 year in the TA/monitoring program as an official extracurricular so far, but i just need a few signatures to officialize the retroactive years in my anesthesiology internship. i can’t do that with my ambulatory/ER job, though — i do it for money and experience.

my 3ish y. academic plan: apply for 2 or 3 internships in state teaching hospitals and hopefully get at least one of them (which would be a 12 h shift during the weekend). aside from that, either apply for the pharma 2 monitoring program or join a league, and publish a paper related to it. start a course to help with residency exams, and drop everything to spend my last semester of med school 100% focused on that. after that, who knows, just survive, i guess.

i don’t have time to work enough to make enough money to live alone, so i live with my mom, and that’s how it’s gonna be for a long time. but my mom is a hardcore hoarder, there currently isn’t a single flat surface in the house where i could lay an open notebook, so sadly i’ll probably never be able to take any aesthetic studying pics of my own.

EDIT: this is really hard. i don’t have time for extracurriculars cause i have to work to have money to pay for med school. i’m drowning in debt (over 200k in debt to my name alone, not even mentioning my mom who’s also got bad credit because of me). fuck

[lapeaudelamemoire]

It feels fucking shit having to do this assignment/these assignments while people and kids are dying by the thousands in Gaza. It's not that these don't matter per se because they're requirements to becoming a psych and completing this course that I'm so close to finishing for my 5th year Master's program but also, what the fuck. Just — what the fuck. People are dying in entire families and kids are being blasted to bits and I am just sitting here staring at the dozenth fucking Microsoft Word document that I'm so sick of looking at for days and weeks every day non-stop on end. Just. Staring at my fucking computer. And frankly I don't even know what to do, donating to organisations when there's no connectivity left in Gaza and what will they do with the money when no one can move while they're sheltering from bombardments and does that do something?

You know the one thing that really stays with me out of that Ari Aster Midsommar film is when all the girls and women crowd around the protagonist in that wooden building and collectively cry and heave and moan out loud in grief together. And yeah it's about a fucking cult but frankly the one thing that cults have that pull people in is the fucking community. Is it warped and fucked, yes. Is it toxic and damaging yes. Is it abusive and barred yes. But the fact that it is so strong in its lure should say something about how we don't really have that in common society. Where is the place I can go to where I can cry and grieve and mourn and others will join in with me and hold my hand and cry with me as a group, as a whole? I think of those — was it Greek? — grieving rituals where women cry and shriek and lament in masses together. We don't have that any more.

And even if we did you have to travel to get to them. I only remember most of my grieving for things in my life being largely alone, with the exception of my best friend and maybe one or two of my partners.

I know there's nothing else to do but bear witness as best as I can and share the news and try to show up where capacity allows, while doing what needs to be done in my own life to sustain it. And yet; and still. That doesn't make it any easier to swallow.

[featureenvyproductions]

I really want to go to art school and I've been toying with the idea just to fill in the gaps - not because I need a degree or the fucking meritocracy badge of approval, but just bc you have access to a lot of people and resources when you're in school, and it was maybe the ONE thing I felt was an advantage when I got my degree. There's also a clear path and structure. Like first we learn this, and here's some deadlines. Then we build on that and learn this, and here's some more deadlines. For some reason I always have trouble following through if I'm trying to just watch an entire several semesters of YouTube lectures. It's hard for me to follow bc there isn't the hands on component and I can't ask questions. And now there are no good places on the internet to ask questions anymore (bc capitalism.....rant for another time). Sure, I could ask someone for info to help me animate better, but for every helpful response, I'm gonna get like 10 death threats and quips about my ignorance. I don't have the energy to sort through that.

So yeah. I'm toying with the idea of going to art school. Because there's a pretty affordable online 2d animation program at a school near me. Idk. Not saying I'm necessarily gonna do it, but I was thinking like, this time maybe I could actually get in instead of everyone either raising their eyebrows or outright laughing at my portfolio like when I applied as a kid (different school though....Cal arts can suck my unwashed ass....oh wait no actually they don't get the honor).

Theres something cathartic about being able to go study the thing I want, but this time I hold all the cards because I have a job and a degree already, and if a professor pisses me off, I can straight up tell them to suck it, get up, leave, and never go back if I don't want. Because I literally don't have to care if i finish as long as I get some extra info out of it. I hold all the cards this time. I can go learn but I can set life balance boundaries, and I can afford to fuck things up this time. I think it would be easy mode compared to when I got a degree and was desperately trying to get through it despite everything, with the pressure of knowing I was basically doomed if I didn't graduate.

I always do better when I know it's safe to fuck up.

the only thing I dread looking at these course requirements?

THE GODDAMN CREATIVE WRITING REQUIREMENT. GODDAMN I AM GOING TO HATE THAT MORE THAN ANYTHING. HATE. LOATHING. I AM GOING TO FAIL THE BEJESUS OUT OF THAT CLASS, AND I AM GOING DOWN IN RAINBOW FLAMES, WRITING COLORFUL QUEER TRASH THE ENTIRE WAY DOWN. LIKE YOU CAN MAKE ME WRITE BUT IM GONNA MAKE YOU READ THINGS SO BAD THEY MAKE YOUR EYES BLEED (sometimes unintentionally) god I hate creative writing "BUT EJ YOU WROTE 4 COMIC BOOKS" Yes and all of them were achieved by blacking out and channeling my dark gay emotions in a frenzy and projecting them onto awkward guys idk how the fuck to follow assignments for this shit in high school I couldn't even use an adverb correctly or tell you what the fuck a theme was and I got screamed at constantly for it like I suck ass at writing normally

Me, walking up to admissions with a 20 dollar bill: "hey....what do you say to maybe.....counting the technical writing for engineers course I took 15 years ago towards this requirement"

Admissions: "are you.....are you trying to bribe me with 20 dollars"

Me: "will it work?"

Admissions: "no..."

Me *digging around in my pocket* : "well I've got good news then bc I can also give you" *more digging* "this..." *withdraws paper* ".....crumpled bird sketch...."

Admissions: "shouldn't that have been in your portfolio - OHHHH nevermind you were serious about not drawing animals well...."

[krippe90]

Tagged by @mygeekcorner

Favorite color:

Black.

Currently reading:

Just finished “The Passengers” by John Marrs (it was pretty meh). Now I’m reading “The Lost Starship” by Vaughn Heppner (pretty fun so far, but not GREAT, although book #2 in the series is a lot higher rated so I think it improves a lot?) and “The Cuckoo’s Egg” by Clifford Stoll (Super interesting, especially if you enjoy the old stories about hackers from before the days of high-speed internet).  Also if you got good taste in books please add me on goodreads: I need more friends on there who actually uses the site so I can get a better recommendations algorithm going..

Last song:

Lev nu dö sen - Miss Li

Last series:

Just did my weekly hit of acid and started watching “The Sandman”, and it actually fucking slaps so far. Did not have high hopes for the adaptation but they’ve done a really good job. If they don’t fumble the last 5 episodes I think it’s gonna turn into one of my favorites.

Last movie:

Last movie I finished was probably a rewatch of The Northman. But since then I’ve also tried to watch the newest Marvel Shit Slurry (Dr Strange 2), which was honestly remarkable in how bad it was. And I watched that shit on acid! I love most things when I’m on acid but this movie just made me bored. That’s almost a feat for a movie to make you feel when you’re on acid btw.

Currently working on:

Tinkering with the idea of automating a thing on my summer job so the janitor’s don’t have to manually input 150+ new students into some database at the start of every summer, and assign keycards to their dorms. I’m usually called in to do it since I can do it in around 8 hours while the boomers on my job have to take like a whole week.

But It’s handled by a program that I fucked around with on my break, and I discovered that it’s really just generating SQL commands to a local database, so it’d be pretty simple to just create a simple script to scan the excel-file, retrieve the names and year of the students, and then generate the correct queries all in one go. But I’m not even gonna start working on an actual program for them before my boss agrees to paying me at least twice for what I got on that other automation program I did for them.

Tags:

Whoever wants to answer this can consider themselves tagged since I can’t be arsed to find individuals to bother.

[quidcumque]

Humungous praise to Bob Tabor of "C# Fundamentals for Absolute Beginners" - he's teaching this like I taught Latin. Like you SHOULD teach a language, ie taking small chunks at a time, oversimplifying to introduce ideas (but letting you know it's oversimplified), LIBERAL EXAMPLES, and frequent review. I've wanted to learn coding for years, but I'd fizzle out in frustration after a self-study session or two because fuckers would list out every data type (with REMARKABLY insufficient explanation of the differences), then slam me with the linguistic equivalent of "if Aster has four apples and Frank has nine, what is the projected yield of a mature apple tree?"

Like fuck me okay so the int type stores whole numbers from -2,147,483,648 to 2,147,483,647 which is a whole fucking bunch of numbers but then the LONG type has uhhhhhhhhh a lot more commas in it and I can't even remember what the FIRST LESSON PRACTICE CHALLENGE was but I remember googling four different concepts and frowning a lot

Bob ain't doing that. He took two separate videos to 1) create your first C# program and then 2) UNDERSTAND your first C# program. By the time I finished the video after that, "Understanding Data Types and Variables", I only have two data types and the ability to read and write via console

BUT

Goddamn, I actually understand some shit now. No, I don't REALLY know why there's four different data types just for numbers, but it doesn't matter because he told me I don't need to worry about that shit right now. What I can grok though is that the Class Library is a giant building of books that I don't have to keep in my house. Those books have all the shit I'd have to do by hand if it wasn't stored in the book. If I type Console.WriteLine it's like saying "hey go to the Console book and get me the shit from the WriteLine chapter." I get that, and I like that. I technically know that the period between is called a "member accessor" but that's not useful to me yet so who cares

OH! AND! Variables are kinda like buckets, right? They hold stuff for you to get at later. Different buckets are better for holding different kinds of stuff (data types), and you gotta label them to find the right bucket again later. So you declare a variable to say you need such-and-such size bucket and you're going to call it such-and-such. Then you assign stuff to the variable-bucket. You can use that label later to retrieve that stuff, for whatever use.

But wait there's more. You got operators which help you work the info. I only know = and + right now, but they're pretty fuckin common sense at the moment. Which is great, because then I'll be comfy with the idea of them by the time we get to the weird ones. Naming conventions are pretty damn important, because 1) C# is case sensitive and 2) there's a fuckton of text and your eyes are going to bleed so do the things that help prevent eye bleed (like camelCasing your bucket names). Leading straight into the last point, which is that programs get stupid long, so Initialization squishes the Declaration/Assignment steps into one line. Fewer lines equals less eye bleed + less carpal tunnel, and we're all good with that

So, like, I don't fully know what methods are, or classes, or what tf static/void/args/etc are for, but I now ABSOLUTELY trust that I will learn them and I won't be mad at everything in the process.

[vrell-is-not-alone]

#2: Motivation is a bitch

I remember early in my college career, the classical excuse for never getting anything done was always "I don't have enough time." But honestly, now that I have more experience, time itself is not inherently the issue. If I was able to use my time effectively and efficiently, I could easily get everything done with tons of time to spare. The problem is using my time effectively and efficiently. I've found as time goes on, I am less and less capable of doing that. There was a point in time when I was able to juggle 17 credit hours and living on my own and all the responsibilities of adulthood without a ton of effort. A time that I maintained (mostly (fuck you that one professor who targeted me and caused me to lose my 4.0 GPA)) straight A's with relative ease. And yet now, I'm struggling at 12 credit hours, wondering if I'm gonna pass my classes and not even turn in some assignments or do some quizzes. And I look back, and ask how the fuck did I get here? There are a lot of reasons for this, most of which I am still unpacking and figuring out, but a very important one on my mind recently is the issue of "Motivation." Motivation is an amazing thing. It makes it really easy to just do things. Motivation cannot be forced. You either have it, or you don't, and many factors such as mood and mental health can play into it. In general though, I find having a goal I want to achieve that I can realistically achieve and can see my progress towards is an amazing formula for having motivation. However, I don't have motivation. At least not for the two big things I need to do right now, which are 1) continuing college/achieving my computer science degree, and 2) getting everything together for an SRS I hope to get next summer. A lack of motivation in these wouldn't be a big issue if they weren't time sensitive. If I could just hold off until I felt better, was recharged, and could force the work to be done with willpower, it would get done and it would get done well. But I can't do that for reasons I may detail in a later post. And I want to highlight the two main ways that I've lost motivation in my life, namely: no longer wanting the goal I was working towards or believing the goal is likely unobtainable. For the first, I remember being a senior in high school, deciding on my degree, and saying "Hey, I could do CS. I am decently good at tolerating programming/debugging and I'm good at it." And thus, at the start of my college career, I had a goal I wanted. And then as time went on, I realized that CS was not programming. A programmer programs. A software developer (the closest job title that I'd likely get with my CS degree AFAIK) manages teams of programmers and does the higher level design. They don't necessarily program. Add on the extreme business focus towards the end of my degree and the pain of terrible professors (there is a few reasons why CS is the highest drop rate major in engineering at my university and they get a LOT of complaints from us) and it gets nigh impossible to feel that this is worth it anymore. It's not what I want to do. I don't want the goal I used to be working towards. But I don't have another choice financially. And so I am stuck here. For the second, when I get depressed, I get pessimistic. And right now, my upcoming SRS that I have vaguely planned out is kinda muddy on whether or not it'll be possible to get. I really, really need to get it this summer since if I don't, I may not have a window where I can take time to recover (gotta love US work culture) for the next few years. And yet, so many things have to go perfectly for this window to be met. My insurance has to cover the procedure. Electrolysis has to be finished in a relatively short time frame. The meetings with the surgeons need to go well. I have to have a plan in place for recovery. I need to scrounge together enough funds to cover my expenses post-insurance. And to make it all worse, it's nigh-impossible to find good information on this stuff. It's all so fucking vague and everything comes with the asterisk of "your mileage may vary." And so while I can sometimes be hopeful about it, when I get pessimistic, it all feels impossible. And it might be impossible, so I can't even dissuade those pessimistic worries with logic. And it's impossible, why waste my money and time and effort on it? And thus the motivation is lost. So yeah. Motivation is a bitch. And I desperately need her. - Vrell, Depressed Trans Girl

[erodasfishtacos]

Not Your Charity Case

prompt: Harry is a frat boy - who doesn’t need sympathy from anyone. He makes Y/N feel a sense of home when they’re together. But is Harry just like every stereotypical frat boy?

word count: 6.2k 

warnings: minor violence, language, deaf!harry, smutttt

other: when Harry is talking to Y/N or any other characters - it is to be noted that he is signing. When Y/N talks to Harry - she is also always signing

Let me know if you’d want to see anything else from this verse:)

+++

You were rushed - you really shouldn’t stop at the local coffee shop for a sugary, delicious mocha chip frappuccino.

Despite what people say, professors are much more lax and carefree in college.

It was about two weeks into the new semester, - your third here- and the seasons were changing - becoming autumn.

Chilled breezes, falling leaves, and vivid colors of nature made you happy.

When you arrive in line, there are two people ahead of you. A girl currently in front of the cashier and a tall male with a red and black flannel on behind her- typing away on his phone.

When she moves to the left, the broad man steps forward. His snapback facing backwards, brown curls dancing around his neck. You can’t help but notice how tall and lean he is, shoulders broad and straight.

You definitely haven’t seen him before on campus. You’d remember.

From what you can see, he shows the young girl behind the counter the screen of his phone without saying anything at all.

The raven-haired girl’s face pinches in annoyance. “We don’t accept orders like that. You need to tell me what you want.”

You’re a little surprised by both the rude cashier but also the man who doesn’t respond right away.

He attempts to show her his phone again but she shakes her head - annoyed.

You become interested in the situation when I watch him sign, a few gestures before pointing to his ears. In the most obvious form of saying “I can’t hear.”

The clueless girl gives him a blank look, “Listen, there’s a line. I don’t have time for this.”

You hoped you weren’t overstepping your boundaries when you slide up next to him, tapping him on his shoulder to get his attention.

It is a bit startling how gorgeous the boy is. He was tanned with bright green-eyes and a defined jawline that was currently clenched in frustration.

You sign, “What are you trying to order?”

He studies you for a second with hesitance before his long slim fingers begin to move, slowly as if he thinks you may be inexperienced in the form of language.

He replies, “Large coffee with a little cream and two sugars.”

You squeeze in front of him, “It is not only rude but illegal to not serve based on disabilities. Refusing an order from a deaf person isn’t moral or acceptable.”

The girl has enough decency to mumble an apology and turned bright pink, “Sorry, he doesn’t look deaf. “You roll your eyes - how can you tell that someone is deaf based on solely appearance? This girls a fucking idiot, you think.

You repeat his order to her, along with yours - sliding your debit card towards her and give her your name for the order.

The man trails behind you to the small waiting area. “Thank you,” he signs simply. You nod and return the pleasantry. The. hand him his steaming hot coffee.

“Thank you again. I’m going to be late to class, so I have to go,” he tells me, seeming a little out of place signing with a stranger.

“Go ahead, I’ll see you around.” It was the first time in a long time you’ve signed to anyone outside your family.

+++

Sipping your drink as you are only five minutes late and the class hasn’t even started yet. The man you just helped was sat in the back of the classroom, unloading his laptop.

With a little bravery, you wriggle your way through and plop into the wooden chair easily. Letting your backpack fall to the ground. Curly looks over at you with a frown, he signs, “Why are you sitting next to me?”

You blush, “I don’t know? Thought it’d be good to have someone to talk to.”

His hands are tense as he replies, “I’m not a charity case, so you can leave me alone.”

“Never said you were,” you huff when you tell him. Not appreciating how rude he was being. Signing had its own tones and expressions so to speak. For example, when someone is happy their signs and movements are different than when they’re sad or frustrated.

Harry seems to be the latter. You wrestle out your laptop to the PowerPoint that was going to be discussed today in class. You noticed Harry stared very intently at the professor to read his lips and expression.

You was surprised he didn’t have an interpreter with him but you’re sure he got special accommodations elsewhere. Even though that was absolutely none of your business.

His shoulders are tensed and he makes sure your arms don’t brush like you have cooties for the entire two hours. The nameless boy is up and out of his seat as soon as the professor shuts off the projector and turns on the lights - signaling class to be over.

Well fuck him then.

***

You don’t make the mistake to sit next him again. But that doesn’t mean you could ogle his strong muscular back and big hands.

It wasn’t your place to care but you felt twinges in your tummy when you noticed him struggling to keep up with the fast-speed class on certain days.

You were in the large, rustic library that smelled of old books and damp wallpaper. It was dead silent as people furiously studied or worked on papers due.

As you paced the shelves, you could not find the book you needed for your American Literature class. Fuck the Dewey Decimal System.

Part-time uni students probably just stuffed returned books in any open space they saw fit. But you need this book in particular, a discussion board post due by midnight and it was currently eight-thirty. They had ran out of copies at the on-campus bookstore.

After a valiant effort, you trudge up to the checkout counter. A little sign reads, “ring me if no ones here!”

You impatiently ring the silver bell. But no one comes. You give whoever is working a minute or two but nothing. Another ring it is.

Silence. No one. Of fucking course, luck is not on your side tonight.

You dramatically clunk your head onto the high counter top in front of you - groaning at the fact you may fail the assignment.

A tentative pat on your shoulder makes you snap your head up. To see the boy you’ve been constantly avoiding standing behind the checkout desk.

“Are you okay?” He asks. He had a name-tag on - Harry. He honestly looked a bit out of place. Harry appeared to be a frat boy. He was still had a boyish air about him but an intensity that was unmatchable.

He didn’t look like he would work in the library. He looked like...well he looked like he would be a beer pong referee or something.

You couldn’t see below his torso but he had a plain black snapback on and a vintage Elton John concert tee. A cross necklace dangling over the worn shirt.

You smile, embarrassed, but reply, “Just being dramatic. I can’t find a book and I was waiting here.”

There’s mirth in his eyes when he points to the bell,”Did you ring the bell?”

Your brows furrow, “I did.”

“Well I can’t hear it, I’m deaf,” he deadpans with a straight face and a dry sense of humor.

You roll your eyes, laughing nervously, “I didn’t know you were working!”

“What do you need?”

He helps you locate the book in two minutes flat before checking you out and you rushing home to finish the homework.

You felt bad ignoring your little sister’s FaceTime calls but you promised to call her back tomorrow. 

***

Though once again, you hadn’t interacted with Harry since last week - you constantly found yourself studying his stoic profile or fast moving fingers.

You would never befriend Harry because you feel bad for him - like he presumed. You enjoyed American Sign Language and it actually made you feel back at home.

You’re little sister was born completely deaf. She was much younger than you - eight years old. Fifteen years apart to be exact. You learned the language along with her and your parents.

When you were at home and your sister was there - you guys tried to only sign so she didn’t feel left out. So Harry felt like home - a little despite his completely off-putting demeanor. It made you a little bit more persistent than with any other frat boy.

***

The bulletin board in your advisor’s office caught your eyes. None of the little tabs ripped off in interest.

‘Student with ASL experience and above a 3.5 GPA needed for tutoring sessions - twice weekly. $16 dollars an hour.’

After your meeting, you tugged the little scrap of paper off and tuck it into your pocket. You couldn’t know for sure if it was Harry but you didn’t know of any other deaf students in the program.

You say ‘fuck it’ and type out an email to the advisor of academic affairs and accommodations to throw your hat in the ring.

***

You don’t hear back for three days - nearly forgetting about it in the mean time. Your eyes scan quickly over the email to grant you the position. They include contact information for no other than Harry Styles.

After psyching yourself out a little and a few paces across your kitchen tiles - you text him.

Hey! I’m your new assigned tutor. Would you like to set up a time and place? As well as what kind of help you’re looking for.

The reply text comes shortly after

Hello, thank you very much. I am just in need of hearing ears. I am deaf and have a hard time keeping up with the my professor. I have begun recording the lectures in hope that you can sign then to me.

Sure thing. That won’t be a problem!

I live in Alpha Sigma on 3rd street. I have my own room. I’d rather not have the tutoring session in public. However, if that makes you uncomfortable - we can figure something out.

You take a minute to debate. You understand why this would be a task too loud for the library and why he’d want privacy. You didn’t feel like I’d be uncomfortable with him.

I saw twice a week so does Tuesday and Thursday at seven work?

Sounds great. Thank you again x

Did he know it was me? Was he expecting it to me?

***

He was definitely not expecting you. You automatically knew that by the way his friendly smile dissipated into a frown when he opened the door for you.

You attempted to look nice today without trying too hard. A loose crop top with the university’s name, a pair of tight black leggings, bulky white socks bunched at your ankles, and white sneakers. Very 80’s.

You try to keep your composure, “Hi Harry, I’m going to be your tutor.”

He slowly nods at you, huffing out a breathe of irritation before inviting you into the frat house.

You’d only been here once or twice for a party so you had no idea what the house actually looked like when there weren’t bodies and booze everywhere.

He’s walking you past a group of boys playing FIFA on the flatscreen in the living room, white claws open everywhere.

“Y/N! Hey babe!” You look over to see Niall - one of your good friends from your part-time job at the bookstore - trotting over to you guys.

The blonde pulls you into an overexcited hug. He reminded you of a cuddly, soft puppy dog most of the time.

“Are you Harry’s little tutor?” Niall coos, leaning over to pinch Harry’s cheek. 

Harry- who was observing the conversation, focusing in on our lips, immediately bats his friend away. A small scowl forming on his face.

It automatically turns into a playful brawl where Niall tugs Harry into headlock. But he has no strength on the brunette.

Harry turns out of it quickly and pushes Niall to the ground. He straddles his stomach and begins to jokingly pinch and slap at him.

Niall hisses, “Ouch! You motherfucker! Big oaf!”

Then you don’t know why you find this endearing but Niall signs the word, “uncle” a few times to signal he’s accepted his lost.

The fact that they wrestle so much that Niall learned to sign how to give up made you giggle more than it should.

Harry crawls off of him, running a hand through his messy curls, his face a little flushed.

“I’ll talk to you later!” You tell Niall as your trailing behind Harry up a flight of stairs.

His room is extremely neat. A fluffy navy comfort decorated his bed with a few photos of flowers and nature on his wall. A tidy desk tucked away in the corner that had all of his school work loaded on top of it.

He chooses to sit in his desk chair, motioning for you to perch on his bed. You look at him expectantly when he pulls out the tape recorder and sets it on the surface.

He pulls his laptop into his lap and begins signing, “I need you to transcribe the lecture for me so I can follow it. We can skip through the bits where he is rambling or off topic.”

You nod, letting him know to begin whenever he’s ready. He presses the side button and the recording starts but it super unclear and garbled.

“Did you record this from your seat?” You ask, the professors words nearly inaudible and fuzzy.

“Yes.”

“You need to bring it to the front of the room. Ask Dr. Morrison  to lay it on his desk before class. I can’t hear anything but static and mumbles,” You tell him.

He laughs and shakes his head. His movements rough and angry, “Of course its fucked up. I get you as my tutor and then the recorder is shit.”

You glare at him, offended as you haven’t done anything to this boy. “Excuse me? I’ve literally been trying to help since I’ve meet you. What is your fucking issue?”

“I’m not a charity case! I don’t need you to feel bad for me. I’m not helpless! You’re probably just a silly little girl who took ASL in high school because it was cool and trendy. Go back to focusing on psych.”

“Fuck you, Harry,” Your gestures getting sharper and your face sour, “You know nothing about me so don’t act like you do. I don’t feel bad for you or think that you’re helpless.” You put up a hand and tell him to not talk.

“I was just being nice because I thought you were handsome and at first, seemed friendly. It turns out you’re just like every douchebag frat boy I’ve met. What a disappointment,” You chuckle, swinging your bag on your shoulder and storm out of the room without another look.

***

The cafe was jammed packed - it was Waffle Wednesday. You had said waffles in your tray and were about to plop down on a stool when you hear your name being called.

“C’mere, come sit with us!” He hollers over the commotion of the crowd. Niall.

You’re about to decline when some dude slips behind you and snags the stool. Shit.

A bit unwillingly you slide into the booth next to Niall, cracking open your sparkling water. “Mates, this is Y/N, we work at the store together and she’s Harry’s tutor,” he tells them. “Y/N, this is Liam and Louis.”

“Hello,” you try your best to come off as friendly even though you can feel Harry’s glare on the side of your face. You ended up falling to easy conversation with the boys. Niall has a very limited ASL vocabulary but tries.

The boys are also trying to talk slower and more pronounced so Harry can watch and understand. A couple of times he taps Niall on the wrist to repeat what was going on.

Your phone begins buzzing and you apologize for the interruption. It’s your little sister, Mazie, FaceTiming.

You answer the phone with a frown, signing “Aren’t you suppose to be in school?”

Mazie looks upset, eyes a little watery. She gestures back, “I left early. I’m sick.”

“Are you really sick or where you getting bullied again?” You asks her.

Your sister hesitates before sniffling, “You already know. I hate my school.” 

Mazie has had other children bully her for her disability since she started preschool and it as still happening in fourth grade.

“What can I do to help?” You frown, never wanting to see your baby sister cry.

You chat for a few minutes to help her calm down. When the phone call ends, you don’t realize that all the boys were watching you in interest. Harry in particular, keeps his focus on you with a wrinkled forehead.

“My sister’s deaf,” You tell them. The whole time you’ve been sitting with them you’ve been signing and verbally speaking to help everyone be able to be included in the conversation.

“That’s sick!” Louis says, smacking Harry’s arm. “Just like our lad Harry.” 

Harry grumbles when Louis shakes him a little. It seems like the boys loved to physically interact with Harry which was endearing.

Harry allows him to for a moment before he flicks his cheek hard and laughs when Louis flinches. The conversation goes back to normal.

***

Harry jogs up to you after your group shares farewells and a few punches. You pointedly ignore him as you trek to the class you two have together so it’s not like he can’t walk this way too.

“Please, wait,” Harry asks. He walks in front of you.

“What do you want?” You huff, keeping my glare firm and directed alley at him.

“I’m sorry. I made the wrong assumption.”

“You made a lot of wrong assumptions. The fact that you think of me so lowly is sad. I’ve been nothing but nice,” You try not to focus on his large palms that curve over the caps of your shoulders.

“I’m not very trusting of people.”

You snort rather unattractively, “No kidding”

“Can we please start over?” He asks, stepping back to give you space. He didn’t realize how close he’d been standing to you until your hair wisps across his nose.

“One more chance, Styles.”

Harry lays a hand on your upper arm and squeeze lightly before signing the simple gesture of ‘thank you.’

***

It turns out Harry is very handsy and physically affectionate. It wasn’t creepy though or something that ever made you feel uncomfortable.

You were still tutoring him but you hung around the frat with Harry nearly everyday. The days you just wanted to lay in bed resulted in a grumpy FaceTime from Harry.

Harry once stated during a tutoring session, “It is easier for me to show how I’m feeling with touch than words. If I ever make you uncomfortable - please tell me and I will stop.”

You smile slyly at his words that sounded more like a question, asking if he can touch you. “I guess I’ll let you feel me up every now in again.”

He giggles and looks down wolfishly - like an entertaining thought is dancing around in his mind.

You tuck your finger under his chin to gaze at you. “In all seriousness, I give you my consent to show your feelings with physical touch. I trust you and know you won’t do anything to make me uncomfortable.”

The curly-haired brunette smiles happily, his hand cupping the side of your neck and brushing over your pulse point.

He hadn’t touched you here before and it seems like it was his first goal to do so once he got permission. You can’t help but take in a deep gasp of air. You prayed he didn’t notice but by the small lift of his lips he did.

The simple touch made a flame of arousal swirl in your lower stomach. You felt like you were about to start sweating.

“Anyways,” You clear your throat and snatch back up the recorder. It now had better quality after Harry listened to you about placement.

***

The frat house was ridiculously full of drunk college students. Everybody on the dance floor was sweaty and sticky with a variety of different substances.

Niall had invited you - so you were searching about for him. Pushing through the crowd and nobody was able to hear you say ‘excuse me.’

You finally found fresh air in the backyard where beer pong and cornhole were set up. Niall was tossing his ball across the table, trying to splash in Liam’s red solo cups.

Harry was sitting on a cushioned patio chair, watching the game commence. Maybe he was a beer pong referee after all. 

He looked so fucking good tonight. He had a yellow snapback taming his curls - backwards of course. A black Rage Against the Machine shirt and his signature black skinny jeans. **

You made eye contact and were about to wave when a girl plopped down in the seat across from him.

Awkwardly you turn away, greeting the other boys and taking a seat in a lawn chair to watch them start their third round of the game.

Your eyes keep darting over to Harry who is staring blankly at the girl. She starts stroking his biceps and tracing across the tattoos like they belong to her.

Harry is attempting to let her know he’s not interested. His signs uselessly as she’s staring at his lips and not hands.

You’re moving before you know it, without another thought, you squeeze in between the two - separating them. You dramatically slide into his lap, funnily enough one strong arm wrapping happily around your middle.

The pretty blonde pouts out her lips, “Is he your boyfriend?”

Before you’re able to reply, Harry signs the obvious signal for ‘yes’ to the girl. Then rudely makes the shooing gesture. She’s up with a huff and stomping back towards the house.

Harry turns you sideways on his lap so that you two can see each other’s hands, “You saved me.”

“You’re just such a stud, have to protect you,” You joke - but not really.

He raising his eyebrows and smiles, “You were jealous.” It was a statement not a question.

You blush wildly, avoiding eye contact which you know he hates. He hates anytime you cut off ways of communication.

Harry taps your lips until you look up at him, “it’s really fucking sexy when you are.” A perk of sign language. He could dirty talk just about anywhere and mostly no one would ever know.

His thumb drags on your full bottom lip, signing clumsily with one hand so you had to use context clues to piece it together “Don’t think I forgot when you called me handsome a few months ago.”

“I don’t remember, doesn’t sound like me,” You boldly lie, snickering and nipping at the top of his thumb

His eyes become a shade darker when your teeth meet his skin. He presses his thumb further in until it’s in-between your teeth. The moment is broken when Niall screams, “Styles! You’re up next!”

**

You and Harry become separated after you spent nearly two hours watching all these drunk boys play beer pong. Harry was ridiculously good at the game and only had to drink two cups from the table.

You had wandered back into the house where the party had died down. There were only a handful of stragglers left but mostly just the fraternity brothers and their close friends.

With a fresh alcoholic seltzer in your hand - you didn’t trust open bottles at parties like this - you gaze at Harry through the back window.

Harry was being jumped by Liam and Niall. He was snarling playfully as Liam toppled them all over into the grass. Niall tries to stand up but Harry’s hand wraps around his ankle and makes him fall right back on his bum with a girlish squeal.

Niall leans over to give Harry a wet-willy but Liam manages to throw a plastic cup directly at Niall’s forehead. Harry and the other boys dissolve in childish giggles. Faces red from laughter and liquor. You feel a smile painted fondly on your lips from watching them.

“Hey, Y/N right?” A voice interrupts from behind.

You spin to face a guy you barely recognize from a previous class you shared. You smile nonetheless, “Hi...”

“Jake, Jake from Social Constructs and Society last semester.”

“Oh yeah, that’s right,” You smile and allow him to talk your ear off because you struggle to say ‘no.’ He was fine, nothing special, typical business major who thought he was hot shit because his daddy owned a golf course he wanted to take you to.

It was a normal conversation until his voice gets lower as if he’s trying to be more seductive, “Want to head to a room with me?” He nods towards the staircase.

You chuckle in disbelief at his bold and forward question. “No thank you, I’m good.” You really had eyes for one person right now and he was currently cussing out Niall in sign language in the backyard before tackling him once again to the ground.

“C’mon, I can really show you a good time,” He persuades persistently, stepping into your space - causing your nervousness to spike.

“I said - no thank you,”You bite out, starting to feel scared when he blocks your way out of the kitchen and presses himself against you and the counter.

“You’re really something gorgeous, you know?” He asks, ignoring my struggles to get away from him.

“Stop touching me!” You scream, hoping Niall or one of the boys would hear your wail. He puts a hand up to your mouth to muffle you but that only results in you biting him.

“Fucking bitch!” He cries out, pulling his hand back and winding up to either punch or slap you right in the face. You prepare for the impact.

Then in a blink off an eye, it becomes a blur, a muscular figure is crashing into Jake with full force and knocking him straight into the linoleum floor with a loud crash.

It’s Harry. Broad shoulders and thick but lean tattooed biceps. He’s standing over the harasser and drops on top of him. It shouldn’t look as graceful and tactful as it does.

You’d never seen anything like this from Harry before. Once you really got to know him - he was a gentle giant who liked romantic comedies, soft blankets, and vanilla cupcakes with rainbow sprinkles.

Harry’s fist is repeatedly connecting with the dark-haired boy’s jaw with full force. The only noise is from Jake as Harry is dead silent but his eyes zeroed in on the target.

When blood begins gushing from the man’s nose - Niall and Liam decide it times to physically pull Harry up. Harry had a slight red mark on his jaw when Jake had managed one punch before being defeated quickly.

Harry signs to Niall, “Tell him.”

Niall places his foot on the dude’s chest to keep him down, “My mate wants to let you know if you touch her again we’re not going to pull him off and he’ll gladly beat you to a fucking pulp.”

Jake groans, clutching his nose to stop the bleeding, “Fuckin’ asshole.” 

You were still blown away as you watch Harry’s heaving chest as he glares down at the boy. His fist clenched and knuckle bloody and swollen. Harry’s attention turns towards you. His furious expression melts into worry. You can read his face so clearly. He’s afraid he’s scared you off.

It was hard to believe you had this drop dead gorgeous frat boy defending you past midnight on a Friday night. A boy who didn’t need to hear but just to see you needed help to step in.

All your desires and lusts after the man in front of you burst like a rubber-band and the urge to have him felt uncontrollable. “Take me upstairs,” you demand quickly, arousal creeping up your spine.

He doesn’t understand you’re extremely turned on. Instead he looks like a kicked dog who’s about to get in trouble again.

Nevertheless, he takes your hand and maneuvers out of the kitchen and up the stairs until his bedroom door is closed.

Harry lips are turned down unhappily as he begins, “I’m sorry, love. I...” he pauses a moment before continuing. “I just wanted to make sure you were safe. I hope you don’t think less of me.”

You look him dead in the eye and sign, “Kiss me.”

He blinks slowly at you like he just hallucinate the gestures.

So you repeat your motions, slow and with intent, “Kiss me, touch me, do something.” No more time is wasted as he is stepping in front of you and cupping your face in his hands.

Without any hesitation now, he pressing a bruising kiss to your lips - taking your bottom one between his and sucking.

Your hands are immediately tugging at the hem of his vintage shirt, pulling apart to bring it over his head. Dark ink decorates his torso, for some reason something you weren’t expecting. A butterfly on his abdomen, two fern branches, tattoos on his side.

Harry chuckles, “This is new to me.”

Your eyes go wide and you sign, “You’re a virgin?”

Harry snorts and rolls his eyes before telling you, “God no. I mean I’ve never been able to really communicate during sex.”

Then before You can speak, he cuts in a bit frantically, “I’ve always gotten consent - not like that. I mean-“ You cut him off with a kiss - knowing he would never do anything you didn’t want.

You wanted everything from him.

“If you’d believe it, I like a bit of dirty talk when I fuck - but no one understands what I’m saying,” He tries to crack a joke but for some reason seems insecure and nervous.

“Hey,” You take his chin so he shyly meets your eye, “I can’t wait to hear it - you’ve already made me so wet.” His eyes light up like a kid on Christmas.

“You’re such a good girl,” he signs before tugging off your shirt and instantly finding your lips again. His hands are skillful as they unclasp your bra without any struggle and tosses it.

You tugs a bit as his hair to show your enjoyment as his tongue finds your nipple - lapping before taking it between his teeth. As good as it feels, you want him to feel even better.

You push him back until he’s sitting in the edge of the bed, legs spread and hands behind him on either side holding him up. Jaw clenched with arousal and restraint.

He’s pressed against the zipper of his jeans. And all you wanted to do was see him in all of his glory. You’re quick to undo the button and determined to get the finicky zipper down as well.

His fingers come beneath your chin until you’re looking at his sparkling eyes, a look of lust made his lids a little droopier and his mouth slack from heavy-breathing.

“Are you sure you want to? You don’t have to - I want to eat your pussy either way, pet,” He signs, leaning in for a slow, wet kiss.

You sign back with a pout, “Shut the fuck up.” He huffs out a laugh, letting go of your chin and wrapping a hand in your hair to keep it out of your face.

As soon as he’s helping you wriggle his briefs and jeans down his narrow hips, you’re met with the prettiest cock you’ve ever seen.

When you make eye contact with Harry, he raises a eyebrow and grins cockily, “Is it nice enough for your liking, love?”

You nod breathlessly - wasting no more time before ducking down to take him to your mouth, a slight burning in your throat from how big he is.

His hands keep ahold of your hair, thumbs pressed against your temples as you bob down his length with sloppy, warm licks.

Harry’s moaning as you pop off to kiss and suck at the underside of him, hands coming to cup and roll his balls. It is a few moments later when he taps your cheek to get your attention, one hand leaving his hair to sign that he’s close.

Your mouth speeds up, wanting to give him all the pleasure you could. Your hand coming to stroke at what couldn’t fit in your mouth, pumping quickly.

Before you know it, Harry’s rutting his hips upwards and coming with a long, deep moan from the rumbles of his chest. He’s pulling you up into his lap, pressing appreciative kisses to your cheeks and jawline.

Big hands palming at your breasts before slipping down into your leggings, brushing softly over your mound. 

You whine and hitch forward to grind against his palm as soon as he cups you. He smiles widely at your desperation, pressing the heel of his palm harder against you to create more pressure.

You were already so wet and turned on that it wasn’t going to take much. The ball of your climax was burning low in your tummy. However, you wanted him to taste you like he said he would.

You sign, “I’m close. Please, I want your mouth on me.”

With that, he’s flipping you until you’re laid out on the bed. His hands tugging off your leggings and underwear with no further ado. “Holy shit,” He gestures, gazing all over your body and not stopping on one spot for too long.

“What?” You ask, fishing for the compliments you know he’s about to shower you in.

“You’ve got such a pretty pussy,” he signs, dimples popping in his cheeks and a curious finger traces your entrance before dipping in.

You lightly kick at his stomach, “Get on me.” He pouts, crooking his finger against your spot before pulling it out. Fucking tease.

Then his face is disappearing between your spread thighs and a strong lick is delivered from your clit all the way down to your bum.

Since he can’t hear you, you grabs handfuls off his hair. Tugging at the roots, scratching your nails into his scalp to let him know how good he is. So fucking good.

When you accidentally buck your hips hard against his mouth, you curse and run a apologetic hand through the locks. He doesn’t look up at you but lift a hand and signs, “Again.”

You absolutely whine, begging to ride him with determination - climax on the brink. He hums causing vibrations on the sensitive nerves. With that, your hips are meeting his tongue and you’re coming. His face dampening with your release - happy as a clam when he pops back up.

You can’t remember the sign for condom, so you sign, “Protection?” Harry understands right away, rustling through the drawer until he finds a stray packets, “It’s been awhile.”

“Same,” You gestures - watching as he slides it down his length and crawls overtop of you. He was pink and swollen - having to be a bit sensitive from just coming a little while ago.

“Ready, love?” He asks, pressing soft kisses to your jawline. You nod, reaching down to guide him in.

And you weren’t lying, it had been a while and he was big. The stretch wasn’t uncomfortable, just a lot. But his wet, open-mouth kisses made you stay grounded.

Harry’s moans were absolutely obscene as he slide all the way in before stopping to give you a moment. His arms strong, holding himself over you. The cold metal of his necklaces brushing against your tight nipples.

When you have him the okay, he begin giving you deep, hard strokes on each thrust. His noises so loud they had to be able to hear them downstairs. They were deep and low - rumbling in his chest with pleasure.

Then his hand is coming to your throat. For a wild moment you thought he was going to choke you but instead he rest it lightly, palm flat.

It takes you a moment - then it hits you.

Holy fuck. He is feeling the vibrations of your moans - erupting from your vocal cords. Feeling out the movement from your throat so he can feel how much you’re enjoying it.

You should be embarrassed but you can’t find it in you when you come again right on the spot. His fingertips nudging into the skin to feel the intensity as it wracks through you.

When you’re done riding out your orgasm, he reaches for the headboard behind you with his other hand, gripping it tightly as he begins to pound in with all his strength.

The bedframe is hitting the wall so loud that the whole house must be able to hear it. Hitting with every directed thrust until his mouth is dropping down into a long, timbred moan and he’s coming.

---

Later, when the two are you have settled for the night in the warmth of his bed. Harry seems a little nervous, once again. It takes him a moment to meet your eyes and brushes a strand of hair off your forehead.

“What is it?” You ask, tucked into his side. His body so solid and comforting.

“It’s corny,” Harry frowns, eyebrows furrowing as his eyes flash across your face.

“Tell me,” You insist, bringing his hand to your lips to kiss his fingertips.

“I feel like you were made for me. Like...we were meant to be together,” Harry signs, hesitant to share his thoughts. But it doesn’t scare you away. You can’t help but agree.

“I think so too,” You reply before pressing another kiss to his puffy pink lips.

[bubbledumbbinch]

Yandere! Idia Shroud x Camgirl! Reader SMUT

A/N: Hello! This is my first fic I've posted on tumblr, and I'm not used to using it at all. I hope this turned out okay and you enjoy! This is a College AU, implied magicless world, and reader is a camgirl.

This fic is purely 18+, minors do not interact.

Word Count: ~4.4k

Warnings: dubcon, brief mention of blood, non consensual drug use (aphrodisiacs)

Friday night, 11:24pm, 6 minutes before your scheduled time to start “work”. You had just finished putting on your makeup and outfit, now trying to hype yourself up in the mirror.

'I can do this. This is gonna be a great show!' You told yourself, while staring at your reflection wearing the revealing outfit. Tonight’s choice was a catgirl maid costume; the maid dress just barely covering your body and showing a large amount of chest. A choker with a bell on it, cat ears, and thigh high socks.

Giving yourself a nod of encouragement, you sat down in the chair in front of your desk, where your laptop and webcam were situated, along with your ring lights, one at each side of the desk so you were well lit for the camera. Making sure you were logged into the site, your camera angle looked good, and your laptop was charging, you waited.

You loved your side gig as a camgirl. You were able to appeal to multiple people’s sexual desires while also being able to bring yourself to pleasure, sometimes more than once per stream, if there were enough donations of course. You were also able to make a decent amount of money while doing this side job, paying for college while having fun was a pretty big plus. And, if you were gonna be honest, the validation of being attractive to so many people really made you feel a lot better about yourself.

You quickly noticed your clock switch to 11:30pm. Time to start. You clicked on the set of buttons you pretty much knew by heart to get the show started. Once it did, you started up some music to fill the silence. Just some cute electronic music to dance in your chair to while you wait for the viewers to come in. You didn’t really have as many as the big camgirls but you had a few loyal people come and watch your streams, which set your heart at ease.

5 viewers

cay-kun @ 11:31pm: wooow y/n-chan, you look so cute! excited for tonight’s show~

User18535 @ 11:32pm: fuck you’re so goddamn cute, i love your tits. can’t wait to see what that pussy looks like

10 viewers

You playfully giggled while reading the last message, winking and sticking your tongue out while flashing the camera your panties from under your skirt. While waiting for more people to join, you also made a point to talk to your viewers, asking about their day and what they’ve been up to recently, which they loved you for.

25 viewers

User58273 @ 11:34pm: You look so kawaii, I wish I could have you service me.

40 viewers

Glancing at the viewer count, you decide to officially start.

“Hi hiii~ I’m so happy to see you all here tonight! Let’s have some fun, hmm?” you started playfully. “Do you guys like my outfit?” Messages of “yes” and “yeah baby”s began flooding the chat and you grinned. “Well, I have something that will be a real treat for you all~”

You reached over to grab something that couldn’t be seen by the camera or the viewers.

~~~~~

Idia was browsing through the site full of nude streamers, trying to find a person to watch so he could relieve his tension from this week. It was midterms season and his Computer Science teachers were giving him hell by making him do in person presentations, exams, and assignments that kept piling up. It took a lot of time away from gaming and side projects of coding his own programs. He also unfortunately didn’t have his little brother Ortho with him in college, as the university didn’t allow them both to attend “as one student”. Ortho definitely eased some stress as someone he could trust and talk to, but Idia’s parents decided to keep Ortho at home to “prevent Idia from being distracted”, much to his dismay.

Idia was at least blessed to not have a roommate, so he could at least have his own privacy for nights like this. Idia’s eyes landed on a thumbnail of a girl that was dressed in cat ears and a lewd maid outfit and was intrigued. He clicked on the video icon and was met with your figure bent so that your ass was up and legs were spread on the chair you were previously sitting on. The girl on the stream had her panties down to her knees and was currently lubing up a cat tail butt plug.

“Ah, I’ve never used this before so, bear with me, please!” She pleaded, eyes looking directly at the camera. Idia was intrigued now this was her first time using it. He felt like this was perfect timing, almost like she was doing it just for him. Until he saw the comments flooding in from different people who were probably thinking the same way.

“Put it in already”

“Go slow okay~”

“don’t force yourself if you don’t want to! >//<”

“Tch,” Idia scoffed to himself. “Seems like she has simps already. No use in being interested in someo-“

“H- here it goes!” You moaned, starting to slowly shove the length and girth of the butt plug into your tight hole. “Aaanh~ it’s stretching me out...” Your eyes pricked with tears while your face contorted into pure pleasure with a hint of pain, all while staring at the camera. Every so often he could hear the little jingle from the bell on your choker.

Idia felt his pants getting tighter and his palms were starting to sweat. The face you made at him was just too unreal and he needed more. He palmed at his growing erection while you shivered at the feeling of being filled by the toy. Pulling his sweatpants down to his ankles, he started stroking his cock lightly.

cay-kun @ 11:38pm: oh y/n-chan the way that stretches out your hole is so sexy~ definitely taking a screenshot for later!

User39748 @ 11:38pm: SHIT i wish i was there fucking you with that in your ass

Blushing, you turned around so that one of your legs were in the chair while your other was up, effectively showing the camera a view of your pussy and butt plug. “What do you want me to do? I’ll just play with myself until someone makes a donation and tells me what I should do! Highest bidder within the next minute~.” With that, you looked into the camera again while soaking your middle and ring fingers with saliva and bringing them to your clit, rubbing small circles into it.

Idia realized that, even now, he wanted to have some kind of control over you. He had a lot of disposable income, being from a pretty rich family. The blue haired boy grabbed his credit card and began to type.

Ignia has donated $100!

Your eyes widened and you gasped slightly. Idia bit his bottom lip at the sight. “Ah, Ignia! Thank you for the donation, you’re new here! Welcome, what would you like to see me do~?” You smiled while looking at the camera. Idia felt like you were staring into his soul and he was sweating profusely. He thought for a minute, gulped, and decided to send a message.

Ignia @ 11:43pm: I want you to keep watching my messages and do what I say, kitten. First I want you to grab a vibrating dildo if you have one and put it at the lowest setting, then fuck yourself slowly with it.

Idia would never have the balls to be this bold with anybody. But this is the internet, so fuck it, he’ll be truthful and just say what he wanted.

You nodded and proceeded to grab one from the table of toys you had next to your desk, lubed it slightly, and did what he told you to. You moaned at the intrusion and the feeling of being filled. “Mmh, it feels so good..!” You cried out.

Ignia has donated $50!

Ignia @ 11:45pm: And by the way, call me Master. You don’t get to cum until I say so.

You shivered at this stranger’s boldness and quietly spoke, “Yes, master...” you looked away shyly from the camera and closed your eyes for a minute, thrusting the vibrating device in and out of your wetness. A couple of moans slipped through your mouth as you felt your juices spreading onto your legs.

Ignia @ 11:47pm: Faster. Fuck yourself faster for me, kitten, and put it on the medium setting for me.

You did as you were told, fingers trembling to follow what the stranger had told you. Your (h/c) hair was starting to feel moist from your layer of sweat and your body was heating up, causing your breasts to stick to the costume.

Ignia @ 11:49pm: Take your tits out and play with your nipples

You panted heavily and lowered your chest area’s covering, revealing the sheen of sweat around your tits. Flicking your left nipple while working the dildo with your right, your hands were occupied with pleasing yourself as this stranger commanded, moaning out. “Aah, m-master, f-feels so go-ood~!”

Idia was smirking, stroking hard at his cock at the sight and idea of you actually doing what he said almost made him cum then and there, but he stopped himself. He couldn’t help the rapid beating of his heart when you said the last sentence. Idia felt special. The power he had over you was addicting and he wanted to see you push yourself over the edge under his command.

65 viewers

User58273: Fuck this is so hot, I wish I could be your master too

Seeing this comment somehow made Idia seethe. He didn’t want to share you, even though this was his first stream with you. You made him feel special. He started typing out his draft of what to reply to the thirsty viewers.

Draft: Ignia: You stupid bastards, no, I’m not going to share her.

Before Idia could send the message you spoke up in a moaning voice. “*pant* N-no, my master tonight is I-Ignia, haanh~”. You were still playing with your nipples while fucking yourself well with the dildo, a light blush decorated your face and beads of sweat starting to form on the sides of your face and your body.

Idia’s jaw dropped. ‘Does she actually really want me?’ He was getting hot, too hot for his own comfort. Usually he wouldn’t last this long during his sessions but he really wanted to see you fall apart under his command. He paid for it, after all.

“Master~ I’m getting close, I- I wanna cum soon!” You whined, pleading (e/c) orbs staring into the camera with your mouth open from panting heavily.

“Cum already, don’t hold yourself back”

“Just keep going babygirl”

“Let yourself cum”

Once again, Idia scoffed in annoyance, but he noticed you never acknowledged any of the other commenters, waiting patiently for the words to come from him.

Ignia @ 11:55pm: put the toy at the highest setting, fuck yourself til you cum, then keep pumping it while you ride out your climax.

Upon seeing those words, your fingers work to put your toy at the highest setting inside your dripping cunt. You closed your eyes while you try to imagine the user who was giving out the commands, imagining them slapping your ass and fucking you until you could see stars. The feeling of both of your holes being filled was overwhelming now, and the hot feeling built up in your core faster than you realized. Idia could see it too, the heaving of your chest was picking up rapidly.

“M-,, ma- master.! I’m cumming!!!” You shrieked. Closing your eyes with your tongue unintentionally lolling out, you released a silent scream as soon as your orgasm hit. It felt like a knot inside of your body had come undone suddenly. Your orgasm had your pussy clenching around the toy that was still vibrating intensely inside of you, stimulating you longer and making you release high pitched screams.

Hearing your words before cumming had Idia teetering on the edge, but watching your facial expressions and your moans made him finish suddenly with a grunt, his pale cock spurting thick white cum all over his hand. Still, Idia kept stroking his length while you were riding out your high, overstimulating himself to match your actions on the stream.

You pulled out the toy weakly and turned it off, putting it down on a towel next to your desk.

Ignia has donated $5!

Ignia @ 11:59pm: Spread your pussy lips babygirl, I wanna see your tight hole.

User39748 @ 11:59pm: I agree with Ignia

cay-kun @ 12:00am: ah~ I also agree. Let’s see you spread it, hmm~? Oh, can you also do a lil ‘nya!’?

You checked the chat and blushed heavily, post-orgasm shyness now taking over your mind. You hesitantly shifted in the chair while spreading yourself open with your pointer and middle finger, showing off your glistening folds with your lightly abused hole. “Nya...” you held up your other hand to do the signature “catgirl” pose, playfully sticking your tongue out too.

Idia was cleaning himself off but he could feel himself twitch again, staring at your meek form. You were so gorgeous and he really wanted to see more of you, making sure to press the “Follow” button, so he wouldn’t miss another stream.

After a few seconds, you decide to end your show, feeling extremely tired and needing a shower from sweating so much. “Thank you so so much for joining me tonight! I hope you guys have a wonderful rest of your evening~ take care and I hope to see you all soon!”

Small tips ranging between $1-$10 started to flow in along with messages of “take care~” “see you soon!” “great show baby ;)”.

You clicked off and you sighed deeply. Looking at your earnings tonight, you made around $200. This was probably the most you’ve made in one single stream, and $155 of that was from Ignia, a new follower and the one who pretty much commanded your entire show tonight. It really turned you on to have someone do that for you and it was the first time a viewer made you do something that felt so lewd that made you cum so quickly.

You stood up from the chair, cleaned up your desk and toys, and headed for the bathroom. Taking off your makeup in the sink, you jumped into the shower to clean yourself up.

~~~~~

Idia tentatively bit his shirt sleeve, his blue locks framing his face. Something inside of him told him that he needed to talk to you more. He had already typed out a message to send along with his friend request. He was scared - scared of being rejected by someone as pretty as you, especially now that he had already felt so attached to you, or rather, what he’s seen from the stream tonight.

Yellow eyes closed tightly as he clicked to send the friend request to you.

~~~~~

Jumping out of the shower, you throw on a head and body towel and started to brush your teeth. Walking around the room you realized your laptop was still on, and there was a notification box front and center. Curious, you clicked on it.

“One new friend request and message”.

“Friend Request: Ignia

Message: Hey, this is the user from your stream earlier. I just wanted to say I really enjoyed your stream tonight. You seem nice too, so I’d like to get to know you more. If you’re interested just feel free to add me back, no pressure ofc.

Thx

Ignia”

You blinked a few times, pondering what you should do. You had gotten messages from guys before but they only said cheap compliments and asking for private shows. You were single so there wasn’t anybody holding you down and this guy didn’t seem to radiate any bad vibes. His dominant nature over chat really turned you on and you were curious about him, so you decided to accept his friend request and send a reply.

“From: y/n-kitty-cat

Hi there :) I decided to accept your message, cause why not? You shouldn’t be that creepy, right? ;P anyway, I’m glad you enjoyed my stream tonight <3 I hope you can come to future ones too!! I’d like to see you around more ;)

❤️

y/n”

You sent the message and went to the bathroom to finish brushing your teeth and your other nightly routines.

Idia couldn’t believe his eyes - you had actually messaged him back and you were really flirtatious!! That meant he was different in your eyes, right? It has to be true! He was determined to meet up with you, eventually. His dick throbbed at the idea of having you to himself, pleasing him with your mouth, doing all those lewd faces you made on the stream... his mind wandered while he pushed his pants down once again and thought of his muse who was now his “friend”.

~~~~~

After a few days of messaging back and forth, you and Ignia had ended up exchanging numbers and using text to communicate almost daily. You found out things like what your majors in college were, finding out his real name was Idia, which was a pretty unique name, and realizing you were both from the same city. Well, it’s not like Idia hadn’t already done his research - the night he became your friend he had stalked all of your social medias under a throwaway account and scrolled through every photo and bit of information he could find about you. He was becoming so hyper fixated on you he needed to know more, who could blame him? Idia just hoped he would be seeing more of you in your streams so he could watch you get off again, maybe with his assistance.

Unfortunately for you though, you realized you couldn’t stream as much because midterms were also kicking your ass. You apologized to your viewers with a blog post who luckily understood and wished you luck, saying they looked forward to your next show.

Idia couldn’t see your pretty face from the stream, which made him yearn. He told Ortho about his crush on you and when the small boy told Idia to “just tell you the truth and meet up with you!” he wanted to shut down completely. But, he wasn’t completely opposed to the idea of you being in his room, exactly where he wanted you. Sighing, he picked up his phone to send you a text.

Idia: “hey”

Y/n: “hey there! 😉”

Idia: “soo i was wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime”

Y/n: “omg 😱 like irl? I’ve never even heard your voice before lol”

Idia: “ik, i’m a bit shy in person.”

Y/n: “i see, so is the life of a gamer and a shut in?😏😂”

Idia: “hah, yeah i guess lol”

Y/n: “soo, what did you wanna do?”

Idia: “idk, anything you want. Except go outside. And be in public.”

Y/n: “pfft, that takes away like any idea at this point HAHA”

Idia: “ya lol i prefer gaming in my room tbh”

Y/n: “oh, then maybe we can just hang out and play games or something like that?”

Idia: “Yeah, why don’t you come over to my dorm, we could game and eat snacks”

Y/n: “Sounds great! This Friday then, 6pm?”

Idia: “Sure i’ll text you the details later”

Y/n: “Awesome :) see you in a couple days then ;)”

Idia: “cool”

Idia threw himself on his bed and screamed silently into the pillow. Idia wanted more than to just be your friend but unfortunately was also extremely shy, especially when talking to new people in person. But as he was sexually attracted to you, he knew he would have a hard time hiding it from you. He had hoped to initiate some kind of sexual interaction when you met up, wanting to indulge in your sinful reactions himself. He didn’t even want to think about anybody else seeing you like that. Idia was growing possessive and realized that if he were to get you where he wanted you, he needed to do a little bit of digging. Which meant searching the web for something that would help make you more agreeable to something sexual. He knew he himself couldn’t make you agree to it, he was too nervous to initiate that! He knew what he needed - an aphrodisiac.

Composing himself, he got onto his computer and compared his options as well as looking for advice on how to please a woman. His eyes widened and lips trembled as he realized he was definitely way too shy to initiate as much as other men do, but he was determined to try anything if it meant your attention.

~~~~~

Today was finally Friday, and the current time was 5:30pm. You styled your (h/c) locks and put on a light amount of makeup, not as much as you would when you streamed but enough to make yourself feel pretty. You also decided that you still wanted to be cute, even if you and Idia were just friends at this point, and wore a tight crop top, a high waisted black skirt, and some thigh high socks since it was a bit breezy outside. You topped it all off with a (f/c) cardigan so you could at least feel comfortable in the sleeves. Packing your bag, you took one last look at yourself in the mirror, did a little peace sign and smiled, feeling cute as hell. You grabbed your keys and walked out of your dorm, heading towards Idia’s campus.

You parked at the place he told you to and gotten out of your car, looking around for him. Shit, you just realized you didn’t even ask him what he was gonna wear or what he really looked like, which was pretty dumb in hindsight. You did catch a glimpse of a tall lanky guy with fluffy blue hair and a striped t-shirt, who was fumbling around on his phone and didn’t realize you was standing right by him.

“Excuse me,” you interrupted his peace softly, causing him to jump up and squeal in fear. “Oh!! I’n so sorry, I’m just looking for someone and I didn’t know if I was in the right place?”

Idia froze. It really was you, in the flesh, looking at him and taking his appearance in. You were gorgeous, even more so than he would have ever thought, and your voice brought tingles to his spine that made him shudder. Idia realized he was being quiet for a longer than acceptable time and he looked away. “H-hi,, y/n...” he mumbled barely even audible.

“Oh!! Idia? Is that you? Hi!!!” You exclaimed, seemingly really excited. Your mouth was curved into a wide smile too.

“Huh, you sound really enthusiastic...” Idia whispered, thinking he really said it in his own mind instead of out loud.

“Of course I am! I’m finally done with midterms and now I can relax and have fun with my new friend!” You said, bumping your shoulder with him, causing him to hold his breath.

Idia gulped when he realized what you said. Friend. Right, that’s all he was to you. At least for now. But hopefully that would change soon, right?

“Y-yeah. Let’s go inside.” Idia muttered, turning his back and walking.

Based on his demeanor, you almost forgot that Idia was the one who was so dominant during your stream the other week, since his attitude was so shy in real life. But, you pushed that thought to the back of your head, today was gonna be a fun day with a new friend, and that was strictly it. You didn’t really want to make your side job as a sex worker into a big thing that would make real life friendships difficult.

~~~~~

After he led you through the halls of the dorm, he brought you to a door and opened it up. Inside it was a bit messy, but an organized mess, one where the owner definitely knew where everything was. He had a pc setup with multiple monitors, RGB lighting which was mostly set to shades of blue, and a really nice gaming chair to go along with it. He also had a shelf with different manga series along it and other consoles for gaming, a bed, a door that led to a bathroom, and a mini fridge. Pretty nice for someone who lived without a roommate, you thought.

You walked over to his bed and flopped down onto it. Idia couldn’t help but think about the many times he had masturbated to you on those sheets that you were now sitting on. He was wondering what kind of panties you were wearing too, when he was suddenly interrupted.

“So! I guess we should get started on some games, yeah? I think I wanna play a fighting one against you! I’m totally gonna win~” You smiled up at him playfully.

Idia let his personality slip when games were brought up. “Tch, you really think you’re gonna win against me ? Think again.” The blue haired boy smirked down at you, which lit up the fire of competition in your heart.

“Let’s go then, dude.”

~~~~~

After about 15 minutes of close battles but still losing every one, you groaned and put the controller down on the floor where you and Idia were positioned in front of a monitor. You had developed a small sheen of sweat on your face from the stress. “Hey Idia, do you have anything to drink? I’m so thirstyy~” You looked at him and pouted, hoping he would maybe have some soda or water for you.

“A-ah, yes I do...” he stuttered a bit, seemingly nervous about something. He shuffled over to a mini fridge near his desk and brought out a cooler bottle. “Here, I made this sweet tea yesterday and you can drink from it...” Idia handed you the cool bottle and you observed it suspiciously. He was starting to feel his breath hitch and wondered if you had caught on.

“Hm~? Drinking from the same bottle already? So intimate!” You teased him, lightly elbowing his side. “Well, here goes nothing.” You tipped the bottle into your mouth and the tea tasted like sweet peach, with a slightly bitter aftertaste.

“Hm, it’s... interesting. What kind of tea is it?” You inquired, looking at the contents and sniffing it.

“I-it’s a recipe I found online! It looked good so, I decided to make it, I- I thought you would like it...” he shyly put down his head, trying to hide his suspicious nervousness from you.

“Okay... well it’s pretty good! I’ll drink some more, thanks for thinking of me~” you said as you gulped down the drink for a few more seconds. “Mmh! I think that cooled me down, let’s play more rounds!”

Idia looked back at you and sighed in relief. “Y-yeah, let’s do that.” He didn’t know how long it would take to work but at least he could distract his nerves by playing some games.

~~~~~

You started to sweat and feel hot. Unbearably hot. You cleared your throat and pulled off your cardigan and folded it to the side, but it wasn’t enough. The heat spread from your head, to your torso, and to your lower regions. Feeling hot and a deep... itch that you couldn't quite reach, in your crotch, you decide to change the position in which you were sitting, from crossing your legs to having them right underneath you, to feel some sort of friction in that area. You could feel yourself blushing intensely while the blue haired man next to you was still immersed in the game you both were supposed to play.

Watching him, you couldn’t help but notice the way his fingers moved on the controller, his thumbs and pointers expertly moving across it. You started thinking about how they would feel playing with your nipples and clit - wait. ‘What am I even thinking about?! Snap out of it!’ But, you also couldn’t help but think about when you were close to beating him during a round, his voice changed to a lower, frustrated one, and he even let out a little growl. Even now you noticed the way his eyes were so glued to the monitor with a small scowl on his face. Thinking about that sent throbs and heat to your growing wetness.

WINNER: PLAYER 1!

“Fuhehe, I knew I could beat you again~ but for some reason it felt like you weren’t trying as hard this round.” Idia put down his controller, finally took a glance at you, and his breath was caught in his throat.

Your (s/c) body was covered with a layer of sweat, cheeks burning and your eyes looked glossy. You were also panting slightly, rubbing your legs together softly to try to create more friction. “A-ah,, hey... do you think you could lower the temperature in here? It- it’s getting really hot. Maybe I could have more of that cold tea?” You breathed, trying to sound more stable than you were.

Idia was dumbfounded for a second and totally forgot you had drank the tea that he mixed with the aphrodisiacs. He gulped as he leaned closer to your face, observing you. “Is... is there anything else I can help you, w-with?” Idia placed a hand on the floor near your thigh and watched as you tried to scoot away from it.

“D-don’t do that... it’s...,” you whimpered, back now touching the side of his bed as you leaned away from his touch. Since when did he smell so good? His scent radiating from his proximity sent tingles across your body.

“Do what?” Idia experimentally reached out to touch your arm, fingers grazing your back slightly. You couldn’t fight back the moan that slipped out of your mouth. “Haah~ I-Idia...” you breathed, looking at him with pleading eyes. You really weren’t planning on doing anything with your new friend, so why was your body disobeying your mind?

“Y/n... you know you can tell me if there’s a-anything you need.. I’ll help you.” Idia’s eyes were still wide and the way he looked at you made you start craving. You wanted him - no, you NEEDED him to touch you more. You never really thought about it, but, Idia really was attractive. It’s not because of your hazy mindset that you realized it, but the way the blue lights illuminated his pale skin and make his hair almost glow, you were just focusing on it more. He was... cute.

“I-...” you started, looking down at his hand on your arm, and then back at him. Staring at his lips, you felt your arms move around his neck as you pulled him closer. Your lips smashed against each others messily and you released a soft whimper against his mouth. The reality hitting you, you moved your head back suddenly breaking the kiss. Your body was still hot.

“F-first...” Idia was stuttering. “First... kiss...” Idia stared wide eyed at you, lips still trembling. He blushed and turned away, his brows tilted upwards as if he were troubled.

“Oh, oh god, I’m so sorry....” you breathed out, scared you had fucked it up with your friend.

“Haah.. more...” his eyes suddenly turned back to you, seemingly darker than before. “I want more of you, y/n...” with that, he brought his lips to yours again and moved them sloppily against your own. He even took the liberty to bite your bottom lip with his sharp teeth, causing you to yelp. Idia used this opportunity to shove his tongue past your mouth and moved it against your own, causing you to moan in pleasure while you could feel your panties starting to drench.

Idia pulled away from you, cheeks tinted pink. Both of you panted for breath, your clothes now feeling sticky due to sweat. He scanned your blushing figure and saw an opening of your skirt that had shown off your lacy panties. Idia gulped and dove his head towards your clothed pussy, breathing in the essence and shuddering loudly, which made you gasp.

“Idiia, no... we, we shouldn’t...” you whined. But you could feel your body was not agreeing with your words. When the tip of his nose grazed your clit you bucked your hips against his head, letting out a moan at the contact.

He lifted up your skirt to your waist so he could see your facial expressions. Suddenly, his wet tongue experimentally slid up your clothed pussy, piercing yellow eyes locked onto your glazed over eyes. You shrieked at the sensation and felt embarrassed that he could get you like this, and you were still wearing your panties.

“Hhn, you wore these for me, didn’t you..?” Idia said, which made you blush. “No, I- I didn’t...” you muttered weakly, trying to avoid his gaze

Idia’s grip on your thighs suddenly got tighter and he looked up at you with furrowed brows. “Don’t lie to me, kitten. I know you want me, like how you did on the night we met, on your stream.” Idia firmly told you. It seemed like it was more like he was convincing himself. "N-no Idia, I... I don't want to-" you started, until you were interrupted.

Idia’s teeth bit suddenly into your soft thigh, causing it to bleed a bit. You knew it would leave a big mark later. “AH!! F-fuck!!” You grabbed onto his blue hair and felt your pussy clench onto nothing. Why, why are you enjoying this? It was like Idia’s personality had changed, from the shy person you met outside his dorm to a more possessive and rough one. You were a bit scared of him but why was he making you feel so good?

You didn’t have time to think as you felt him move the fabric of your panties to the side so your drenched cunt was fully visible to him. He stared in awe and took in everything - the shape, size, and how wet you were. You brought the back of your hand up to your head and panted with embarrassment. “Idia... mmh...”, tears pricking the corners of your eyes. Your body was still wanting more and after your mind was fighting the feeling so much, you decided to let it be. “Please...”

Idia met your eyes and saw how glossy they were. He lifted your body onto the bed so that you were now lying on your back while he was still in front of your crotch. You softly breathed in and out, causing your chest to rise and fall in your sweat soaked top. He snaked a pale hand under your shirt to grope your breast in your lacy bra, cold fingers sending shivers through your hot body. Idia couldn’t resist any longer, he suddenly shoved his wet muscle onto your pussy with fervor. You gasped and threw your head back onto Idia’s plush pillow, and shoved your hand on the back of his head pushing it deeper into your legs. Idia couldn’t contain himself and moaned into your heat, sending vibrations through it. “Oh- aaanh~ Idi-aaa~....” you sighed and whined. He took this opportunity to lower the cup of your bra below your breast and pinch your pert nipple in his fingers.

“Fuck~!” you screamed, feeling hot tears flowing down your face. Your body couldn’t take it much longer. Your core was building a familiar sensation but it was all too overwhelming and coming too fast. “It feels so good!!” You squealed, squeezing your thighs together so you were caging his head. Idia focused his energy lapping hungrily at your clit and then pushed two digits of his free hand through your wet hole, pumping them in and out. Your panting breaths were becoming shorter with each pump.

“Idia~ I’m close!! I’m gonna cum..!” You looked at him between your legs, and he lifted his mouth off of your cunt for a brief second. He stared into your eyes with his yellow ones, which stared at you intensely, licked his lips, and spoke.

“Cum for me then, kitten. Don’t hold back, cum all over my face.” With that, he dove back in and pumped his fingers into your core and flicked his tongue on your sensitive pearl even faster than before. Idia’s hips were rutting on his mattress, precum wetting his undergarments.

“Oh god - I’m cumming, I’m cumming~!!” You screeched and squeezed his head with your thighs, squirting his face and sheets with your cum. His tongue darted around your pussy licking off your juices. You breathed heavily, riding out your high. It took everything in him to stop himself from cumming right then and there - he wanted to save that for later.

Idia leaned up to where you were and kissed you passionately, and you could taste yourself all over his mouth. You moaned at the taste of your own juices on his tongue. Still exhausted from Idia eating you out, your body somehow craved the feeling of being filled. You sat up and got up from the bed and for a second he was afraid you were getting ready to leave. You removed your drenched shirt in front of him as well as your skirt, underwear, and bra. Still wearing your thigh high socks, he stopped you before you could remove them. “I, I want you to keep those on...” he licked his lips as he stared at your socks squeezing your plush thighs, the mark he made earlier with his teeth was visible and bruising now.

Following your lead, Idia was removing his own garments, tossing his shirt to the side. He was lean, not too skinny but not muscular either, pale all over. He also removed his pants and swung them over to the floor. Idia avoided your gaze as his erection was now very much so noticeable in his boxers, and you could even see a dark spot where his precum had made a mark. You felt your vagina tremble at the sight of it. It’s been a long time since you’ve had a partner and the anticipation was starting to get to you. As for Idia, well, everything was his first.

You knelt down in front of his bed and his legs and reached out to touch the head of his penis through the boxers, making him twitch and breathe out. “Mmh,...” you pulled down his underwear to reveal his lengthy cock. He wasn’t extremely girthy but he made up for that in length. The head of it was a shade of pale pink and dripped with clear liquid. You took some of the clear liquid in your hand and began teasing the head of his dick. Opening your mouth, you also gave it a few kitten licks while you pumped the base. Idia let out a few grunts and threw his head back, causing you to grow wet again.

Idia felt himself getting too close to orgasm which made him grab your head to stop you from going further. He lifted you up again and placed you on his lap, your dripping cunt hovering over his standing cock. Your body was hot again as you stared into Idia’s yellow eyes, a pink haze dusting his pale cheeks. Remembering he was a virgin, you looked at him hesitantly. ‘I- I don’t know, are you sure you want to lose your virginity right now?’ was what you were planning on saying, until he spoke up.

“Y/n... I need you. I’ve been wanting to do this to you for a while. I- I'm gonna put it in...” Idia whispered, panting slightly. As he was lowering your hips, you couldn't say anything as you felt his tip graze your wetness and you whimpered at the feeling. He kept bringing your hips down until you felt him all the way inside, head of his dick kissing your cervix. You threw your arms around his neck and moaned into his ear, causing a grunt from your partner. Not giving you time to adjust, Idia started thrusting in and out sloppily into your hole, squelching and moaning sounds filling the air of his usually quiet dorm.

“Oh Idia, please, pleasepleaseplease-!” You screamed, not even knowing what you were pleading for. Your (h/c) hair was sweaty and you felt your eye makeup starting to run with every tear you shed. Idia’s loud grunts filled your ear, causing your heat to build up.

“*pant* Mmh, y/n...” he paused and started thrusting into you slowly but hard, pulling you back so his forehead could touch with yours, blue hair still frayed in his face. “You have, *pant* no idea... I would masturbate to your pictures every. Single. Night. I jerked off on these sheets and used your photos of you smiling, you weren’t even *pant* n-naked... Does that, *pant* make me a sick pervert? No matter, you're here with me now, and I'm mmh, making you feel good, right?” Idia confessed, yellow eyes staring into yours with infatuation and obsession. You felt your breath hitch in a feeling familiar to fear. He was lovesick. Not the same person you thought you were messaging for the past few days or gaming with earlier. He looked deranged.

“I... Aaanh~!” You were cut off by a particularly hard thrust into your cervix. Idia licked your neck while thrusting into your abused hole. “I’m gonna breed you, kitten. W-wanna see you drip with my cum.. mmh, you want that?”

You were so close to your release that you didn’t even care about what he was saying. “More Idia, more!!” You breathed. Closing your eyes and now using your own hips to grind into his cock.

Remembering a particular position that grabbed Idia’s attention, he lifted you up, dick still hard inside of you. He placed your back on the bed, your head on his pillow while he brought your legs up to your chest. Idia continued to thrust into you, your face now in full view. He held your wrists in one hand above your head so you couldn’t hide your face from his eyes.

“Idia...” you breathed out. “I- Idia!!!!” You felt your orgasm approaching fast while he pounded into you relentlessly. “Haaanh~ I’m close!!” You moaned shamelessly.

“Hnnh, that’s r-right, y/n... mm, cum for me...” Idia breathed out in between his panting. With that, Idia thrusted faster until the knot that was building in your lower regions finally released. “Aaanh~!! I’m cumming, Idia, c-cumming all over your cock!!” Your face contorted into one of full bliss, eyes looking straight into his with your mouth in an o-shape. The walls around Idia’s length clenched tightly, milking him of his seed. Idia came suddenly with a groan, pumping it deep within you while riding out his high. "Fuck, y/n!!"

Idia rolled you both to your sides, his dick softening inside you. You both panted hard as you faced one another. You opened your eyes to find him with his eyes closed, blushing at the sight of your naked bodies still intertwined even after your climaxes. “We, we actually did it...” he whispered and opened his eyes. “!!!!” He made a mildly surprised noise, eyes widening and turning away.

“Eeh?! What’s wrong!?” You said, wondering if something was on your face. “N-nothing it’s just.... I’m surprised we... you.. you’re staring at me... I’m sorry, I’m still not used to people doing that...” Idia said shamefully, darting his yellow eyes to and from you periodically.

You couldn’t help but giggle. “Eek!! Why,, are you laughing at me?” Idia frowned and hid his face in the pillow. “Well.. your personality is different when you’re having sex versus not. It's interesting.” you told him, tracing a finger along his arm.

Idia blushed intensely, throwing his arms around your neck and hid his pale face in your neck. "Mmph..! I-, I like you, y/n..." he breathed into your neck. "I wouldn't be able to handle you doing this with another person so... will you be mine?" Idia pulled back to watch your face as you contemplated.

Idia's words from earlier suddenly flooded your memories. He looked insane when he confessed to his perverted actions and it evoked an uncertain emotion akin to fear. Your body felt paralyzed. But in the moment, with Idia's lightly pink tinged skin and unsure eyes, you had to admit it made your heart flutter, too. "Yes, Idia..."