#Really not something I'd like experience again

[killerlookz]

Hello my fellow Criminal Minds fan! 😊

May I please request headcanons for Spencer falling for a female agent who’s cynical about love and relationships due to being hurt in the past?

a/n: thank you sm for the request! i'd be happy to write this for you! :-)

Falling in Love Again | Spencer Reid Headcannons

pairing: spencer reid x f!reader

content: mentions of reader having been cheated on in the past, uhhhh that's really it haha

word count: 1,478 (sorry she's so long)

Spencer Reid had always been excited about falling in love, the thought of being so close to another person- to share so much with someone was such a wonderful thing to him.

Especially after watching his mom and dad growing up, and the way his father treated her-Spencer was dead set on never becoming anything like him, he looked forward to treating a woman right and spending the rest of his life with her.

But, for as excited as he was he was probably 20 times more nervous about the whole falling in love thing.

So when you came around, and he started to experience that warm, creeping feeling in his chest- he felt a little bit like his world was going to end.

Spencer had never made a move on anyone before, sure he did make out with Lila Archer that one time but he didn't exactly initiate it.

Spencer decided just to channel all of his romantic interest in becoming friends with you, at least he got to spend time with you, that's what really mattered to him. Maybe one day it would turn into something more.

Well.. he hoped until he couldn't help but overhear...

"I went on my first date in months last night, and all this guy did was talk about himself the entire time- didn't let me get a word out, I mean, can you believe it?" Emily says, exasperated

You look up at her as she stands in front of your desk, "Oh, trust me Emily, I can believe it." You shake your head

"I mean," She throws her hands up, "What is it with men? What's wrong with them."

"Everything," You smirk, "They're men. I can't remember I had a good experience with one of them- never maybe?" You laugh. "I've given up on dating."

Your words sunk into Spencer's brain, leaving him with a heavy feeling all around he felt awful- not just about the fact that his chances with you seemed to reduce to zero right there in that moment, but because of how upset you seemed under your sarcastic exterior, he could tell you'd really been hurt before.

A few weeks later you're out for drinks with Emily, Penelope, Morgan, Spencer, and JJ. Amidst the loud, drunken conversations and music at the bar- you can hear the faint chiming sounds of your ring tone, Who would be calling this late?

As you take your phone from your pocket, your stomach drops when you see the number flashing on the screen. The mere sight of those 10 digits making you want to throw your phone to the ground and stomp on it until nothing remains.

"Ooooh, who's that calling." Morgan smirks

You look him dead in the eyes and respond flatly, "My ex."

Morgan's smile doesn't fade instead his smirk seems to deepen, "You two got a little thang goin on?"

"No," You shove your phone back in your pocket, "More like he's trying to get back in my pants after cheating on me- twice."

"Ooh!" Morgan responds, wincing, "So he's a dog."

"A pig is more like it." You scoff, "Who does he think he is. I can't even imagine giving my time to another man again, and even if I could- what makes him so confident I'd give him the time of day."

That familiar heavy pain hits Spencer again.

He's staring at you, and it's like the rest of the bar doesn't even exist. Only you, as you bite your lip, trying to hide any emotion in your face.

Spencer has become good at reading your emotions, maybe it's because he spends so much time with you- maybe it's because of how often he finds himself staring at your face. As much as you try to seem nonchalant, he could tell how upset you are.

Spencer would spend more time than he wanted to admit fantasizing about treating you well, about giving you the love you never seemed to have.

Every time you made a snarky comment about love, or how men had treated you in the past Spencer would want so desperately bad to just tell you about how well he would treat you, how he would never ever hurt you, how he would spend his entire life taking care of you.

The words were practically scratching up his throat, begging to be let out. But still, he would just swallow them down, and give you a sympathetic look, he couldn't muster up being able to do anything more.

At the very least, Spencer's plan of becoming friends with you was working.

The two of you would become very good friends.

Spencer would learn everything he could about you, he would want to know as much as possible.

Not in a weird creepy way- but in a he just thinks you're so amazing he can't get enough of you sort of way.

Every time you and Spencer hung out he wouldn't be able to ignore that nagging feeling, the thought of putting an arm around you and pulling you close, of holding your hand in his, or placing a delicate kiss on your cheek.

The thoughts would eat away at Spencer, and he would only fall more, and more in love with you.

Still, he would lose more hope every time you divulged information about your prior encounters with love. He couldn't blame you for feeling so cynical it, not after what you'd been through.

Spencer would think about his mom, about all the wives Rossi had been through, about Hotch and Hailey, about you- he would wonder why love had to be so painful for some people. He was sure he would never hurt somebody he loved.

One day you're over Spencer's apartment, watching a rom-com, and you make a snide remark, "Oh, real love isn't like that." You scoff and roll your eyes.

Spencer doesn't know what it is, but something in him makes him respond, "It could be." He says meekly

You look up at him, caught off guard at his disagreement, "Hm?" you hum

Spencer wasn't able to take it any more, he hated hearing your cynical nature. He would need you to know how you deserved the entire world.

"Love- It can be like the movies." He affirms his stance.

"Not in my experience."

"I would give you love like that." Spencer would tremble as he makes his confession, so unsure of what would happen next.

He would be terrified of your reaction, scared he was about to mess everything up, ruin any future the two of you had together, and even worse, lose your friendship.

"W-what do you mean, Spence."

"I mean, you always talk about how you've been hurt before, and it just-" He takes a deep breath in, contemplating what he's going to say next, "I love you, y/n," He looks down at his lap, then back up at you, "I would never hurt you."

Despite the obvious passion in Spencer's voice, you were still hesitant about it, but everything inside of you told you to give Spencer a chance.

Spencer would insist on taking things slow, you were his first real relationship and he wouldn't want to rush things, for both his and yours sake. He wouldn't pressure you to put a label on things, or even say you're "dating"- those would come on your own time.

Spencer was determined to make you believe in love again, and he would do everything in his power to make sure you knew without a doubt how he felt about you.

Spencer would often get to work before you to surprise you with coffee and a breakfast sandwich, or a donut on your desk in the mornings.

He would insist on having a date night at least once a week, even if the two of you were on a case, ordering room service or finding a local pizza restaurant way late at night was sufficient, as long as the two of you got to spend time together.

Spencer would be hesitant about PDA or really moving too quickly into being too affectionate, still, he would frequently hold your hand, squeezing it tight when he could tell you were stressed or upset- either by a case or by life in general, he just wanted to give you that extra reassurance that he was there for you.

Spencer would really put the work in, he'd exert more effort than you had ever seen from any past relationship into even the tiniest things.

Spencer wouldn't mind though, anything he could do to reassure you that he loves and cares about you, he would do it.

Every little act of love and gratitude would be worth it to him.

He would savor and cherish every hug, every shared glance, every peck on the forehead, on the cheek, on the lips.

It was all worth it to him, every second of it- all he wanted to do was make you smile, to make you fall in love again.

[violetasteracademic]

On Mate Behavior: Elriel (Part Two- Scent)

Another day of an SJM Instagram jump scare with more stories and no book accouncement (though I am HAPPILY celebrating indie bookstore day with you all!)- So it's another day to be on my Elriel shit. Will we still want posts like this once the announcement is out and we are done fighting for our lives? I feel like the announcement is coming soon so I need to sneak in all my thoughts!

In my previous analysis, I highlighted a moment that would have been perfect for Azriel to display some mate-like behavior towards Gwyn, and it was sorely lacking. You can catch up on that post here!

Today I would like to discuss another area lacking in mate behavior in the BC between Azriel and Gwyn, but present for... drumroll... Elriel. And that is scent.

Bringing back Nessian's bonus chapter to start the parallels, because I do think an additional bonus lends itself to the fairest basis for comparison (also if I used book examples from ToG to CC regarding romantic parings/mates and scent I'd be here for several hundred years):

Cassian is so lost in Nesta's scent that he had to stop himself from letting his eyes roll back into his head while breathing her in. This... sounds familiar:

Azriel's eyes also nearly rolled into the back of his head because of Elain's scent.

As previously mentioned, scent plays a huge role in mates/romantic pairings. I was chatting with my friend @faeprincesswarrior when I first started thinking about the scent thing, and she remembered that Rhys could smell Feyre's scent before they even met. He would wake up with her scent in his nose. Cassian and Azriel both can hardly control themselves when they take in the scents of Nesta and Elain.

Scent plays an important role in romantic pairings, and is honestly probably one of the things SJM lays on the thickest throughout the entirety of her multiverse and she has a tendency to drop it early on, often as an initial indicator. Yes, sometimes scenting is platonic, but Gwyn and Az don't even have that on page. There is simply no mention of scent in their portion of the chapter, but it is heavy in Elain's section.

*Crescent City 3 Spoiler* Even when Ithan is done with all his side quests and spends just a few moments with Perry, he's suddenly like mmm... strawberries and cinnamon. No other indicator of mate behavior there but MANY readers only needed that little nugget to be like- something's cooking here.

Again, in addition to Azriel's lack of response to directly recalling Gwyn's assault from his POV on page- something I would have liked to see to indicate feelings could be brewing there- there is also zero mention or indication that Azriel experiences Gwyn's scent at all. Even something small, like "a shift in her scent" at his arrival, or noticing a change in her scent from her flash of memory as well (as it happened between Nesta and Cassian.)

Azriel lost his mind over Elain's scent in their bonus chapter, just as Cassian lost his mind over Nesta's scent in theirs.

Azriel makes no mention of Gwyn's scent in the BC. It's as if to him, she doesn't even have one.

I want Azriel and Elain to be together because Azriel and Elain want to be together. They experience what romantic pairings experience together, and it is delicious.

I love Gwyn, which is why I think if she is going to have a romance in the future, she deserves more than a regifted necklace and a male who is drowning in the scent of another female's kitty and doesn't even notice what Gwyn smells like. This is really what we want for her?

Hoping for a book announcement soon. Do you guys like seeing Sarah post more? I have mixed feelings. Part of me thinks it is gearing up for an announcement which is exciting. Part of me also is tired of the jump scares and wants complete silence unless it is a book announcement. Judge me if you must!

[teastainedprose]

Play With Fire, Chapter 3 (Homelander x Reader)

Homelander finds your apartment empty and Homelander is going to be a creep about it. This chapter is a fluff break and an extra one from what I'd originally planned. 1.7k words, No sexual content. Female, plus-sized reader. Slight warning for hints of animal abuse. [AO3 Link, Chapter 1, Chapter 2]

You’re not home. This is new. Homelander frowns as he drops to his usual perch a building away as he surveys the area before scanning through your apartment building. It’s past lunchtime and normally you’d be settled at your desk working away on your PC, but the chair is empty. The laptop is closed and shut down. Where has his little bug scurried off to?

His frown further sours as Homelander scans your usual haunts around your apartment, but he doesn’t catch sight of your plump little figure anywhere. He blinks, reorienting his x-ray vision back to your apartment for another glance before his eyes snag on the whiteboard above your desk. It’s a weekly planner where he’s often seen notes of chores, appointments, or what meals you plan to have quickly scribbled on it. It’s Monday and on the planner is scribbled ‘FIRST DAY’. 

He puzzles over that before it hits him. A new job, that must be it! He’s so clever. Homelander has certainly seen you scroll job postings and even caught you coming home from an interview in the cutest little businesswoman get-up. So fetching, he could have eaten you right up.

Now what sort of new job did a worker bee like you get? Something to research later, Homelander mentally notes as he glides quietly down to your balcony. There’s a better use of his time right now. You’ll be out for a few more hours yet, of this he’s certain. First day and all. Better make a good impression, little bug. Homelander chuckles to himself at the thought as he peeks into your apartment.

Today is the perfect opportunity to indulge, and Homelander has never been one to hold back.

The balcony door isn’t locked and opens quietly under his hand as Homelander smiles to himself, stepping inside. He already knows the layout, walking briskly across the wooden floor as he takes everything in from this new perspective. Being inside, instead of a silent observer of your apartment from above is a new experience for him. Now he gets to experience your world in truth. Homelander takes everything in with a new eye as he walks about, pausing to straighten a photograph or trace his fingers across the spines of your books. You’ve built a cozy little den here. It’s nothing compared to his opulent penthouse, but it reflects a creature such as yourself well enough. None of it is to Homelander’s taste, but he won’t hold that against you. The trinkets and baubles you’ve decorated your nest suit you and he approves of that fact.

Homelander pauses at the couch, plucking up the throw blanket discarded there. He’s seen you snuggled up in this very blanket many a night, tucked in with a book or watching your little shows. He brings the plush fabric to his nose, inhaling deeply. Homelander closes his eyes, savoring the scent there. Your scent. He hasn’t smelled you before, not really. The elevator encounter had been so brief and surprising that Homelander never registered what you’d smelled like at that moment. It had been all anger and stress radiating off you at the time.

He inhales again, breathing deeply with the blanket still held against his face. There’s the citrus scent of fabric softener, but also something undeniably human and undeniably you. Homelander finds that he likes it very much. A moan escapes him as Homelander presses the blanket harder to his nose as if he could imprint the smell of you in his senses. Idly, he wonders if you’d smell the same when he buries his nose in the space between your neck and rounded shoulder. Soft and warm and sweet like the hint of you on this blanket? Homelander sighs at the thought, the longing making his cock jump as he straightens. 

Reluctantly, he drops the blanket back onto the couch as his boots take him deeper into your home towards the bedroom. The door is shut, which Homelander finds curious. Normally, it stands open as he’s watched you wander from bedroom to living room to kitchen and back again while your mind keeps you elsewhere as you putter about doing whatever little bugs like you do. He doesn’t pause as Homelander opens the door, confidently stepping into your bedroom with the eagerness of a child given free rein in a toy store. Homelander expects to paw through your dresser and give the toys he’s seen you use on yourself a thorough inspection.

What he doesn’t expect is the sudden attack from a black blur pouncing onto his foot with a delighted chirrup. Homelander drops his gaze, watching in a detached way as the kitten tries to dig its claws into his boot while kicking back feet furiously. He feels none of it, of course. He doubts even a mere mud person would feel anything from such a pathetic assault, yet the kitten is determined. The little creature squirms about, bottom over front briefly before it twists and promptly scampers off in a confusion of fur.

Homelander frowns. When the fuck did you get a cat? He should have noticed such a creature despite its diminutive size. The little thing is barely a mote of soot as it scrambles under the bed, green eyes wild and wide. The creature pauses, making a sound Homelander would call an undignified squeak ill-suited for a predator before it rushes forward again. His lip twitches, annoyance settling over Homelander at this animal disturbing his tour of your apartment. 

Still, he makes no move toward the kitten as it stalks around behind him to inspect his cape. Homelander turns and the cape goes with him, fabric fluttering in such a tantalizing way that no kitten can resist. The little beast pounces or attempts to.

The frown on Homelander’s lips tugs further down now that he’s eye to eye with the green-eyed imp as in an instant he snatched it up to keep it off his cape. Homelander has never been one to interact with animals often, let alone young ones. The most would have been with such animals sulking away from him in the bad room, hissing and spitting while a doctor looked on behind bulletproof heat vision-resistant glass. Back then he’d been instructed to take care of the creatures to show how much he’d learned of control with his powers, but he can’t do that to this fluffy shadow.

A small purr emanating from the kitten draws Homelander from his memory as he blinks. His eyes refocus on the animal who now is trying to gnaw at one of his fingers through his glove eagerly as it thrums away. Poor thing has no idea who it’s facing. “Charming,” He mumbles before shutting the bedroom door behind him as Homelands steps into the room proper. He gingerly places the squirming animal onto the bed. 

Homelander casts about the bedroom with fresher eyes, taking in a plastic mat with food and a water dish atop it. He doesn’t even need to sniff the air to discern the faint aroma of ammonia and cat litter coming from the open bathroom door. The little beast has been properly set up in your bedroom. A new acquisition. The creature is yours and confined here with purpose, so he can’t risk it suspiciously going missing. At least not yet. A cracked window later down the line will fix this little problem. There’s no need for you to house this extra distraction. Not when he’s so close to getting his claws into you. Homelander smiles to himself.

“Your days are numbered.” He points out, even going so far as to waggle a finger at the black kitten as it rolls about atop the bed. 

In reply, the kitten promptly drops onto its rump atop the comforter and sticks a leg out. This it began washing intently. There’s a slight charm to such a fragile thing being oblivious to the danger present. Homelander cocks his head, watching the animal a beat longer before a sound catches his interest.

There’s the unmistakable rattle of keys too close that takes Homelander by surprise, too lost in his thoughts to notice the approach of footsteps down the apartment hallway. Your footsteps. He’s instantly on high alert, quietly opening the bedroom door and closing it behind him to not let the little beast escape and alert you of something amiss. He waits a beat, eyes on the door as he watches you on the other side while you fumble with the keys. The lock sticks as he’s observed and you never seem to remember to bring it up to the landlord. Forgetful little bug.

Homelander’s form is a patriotic blur as he rushes right across the room, to the balcony, to yank the door open, and dart out to the open sky in a woosh of air. It all happens in a blink as you click the key into place and the lock slides free of the deadbolt.

You pause as you open your apartment door, a slight frown on your face. Something like a breeze seems to have disrupted your apartment as a tapestry on the wall flutters back to rest. You shake your head as a glance about shows nothing amiss. All is well and now you’re smiling to yourself. Your first day at your new job has been a success! 

Dropping your purse on the kitchen counter, your feet are quick as you move to your bedroom door to yank it open. There sits your stray kitten you’d taken in only the other day. He’s mid-lick while grooming his leg. You grin wide, quick to cross the room to scoop the bundle of fur up into your arms. 

“Adrien, did you miss me?” You coo to him, burying your face into his fur as Adrien purrs up a storm. Indeed, he did. You laugh at his enthusiasm as Adrien promptly starts to lick your cheek as if you’re the one in need of a bath. Your smile doesn’t falter as you drop onto the bed before gently laying down to let him settle beside you. 

“It’s nice to be back doing something, you know?” You confide in him. “This charity work is doing wonders to soothe my soul.” Being a kitten, Adrien’s only response is to purr as he curls himself up as close as he can get to your neck.

High above your apartment, Homelander lets himself linger a moment longer. Charity work? Interesting. He watches still, taking in your smile as you cuddle that obnoxious ball of soot. He rolls his eyes, a huff escaping him before moving on.

[ryan-sometimes]

For someone with such a sexual sense of humor, I don't even like sex that much. I feel like if I never had sex again I'd be 100% fine. It's just kind of a sensory nightmare and really stressful.

I actually think my sense of humor is so sexual partly because I want to normalize sex to myself since in my brain it's this uncomfortable, foreign thing. No matter how many times I have sex it always feels like I'm having a completely new experience. My brain never normalizes it, it never becomes something comfortable and enjoyable

[lycanr0t]

if you'd like to share your thoughts on gay trans man marcille i'd love to read them and/or see your art of him! (no pressure of course!)

oh man will I share my thoughts dfjkh I was maybe going to eventually make a post to ramble about it but this gives me the perfect excuse to now :J

This ranting WILL have spoilers for anime only fans/ppl who haven't finished the manga!

Marcille is interesting to read as a gay trans man though. Because how I see it, during the events of the manga he would not know he's trans! Or at most, he would maybe have some Gender Feelings but he wouldn't really understand it yet.

To me, Marcille is the type who would at first do everything in his power to deny it/convince himself he isn't trans. I think he would have a fair bit of internalized transphobia just as a result of his fairly rigid way of going about things. He has specific standards for himself especially but also for others.

This is where my gay trans man headcanon for Falin comes in lol.

Not for romance reasons specifically, but because I think the way Marcille treats Falin when looked at through the lens of Marcille being a trans egg is especially interesting.

For my Falin headcanon, I see Falin as a gay trans man as well, but I think that he wouldn't be out to Marcille until after the events of the manga. This is very integral to how I view Marcille's gender discovery happening.

I think that during the time they're in school together, Marcille would have feelings for Falin that are confusing. In Marcille's mind they're both girls, so he must just be a girl into girls, right? Meanwhile Falin performs girl wrong and this challenges Marcille's worldview. Marcille cares for Falin, and this manifests as Marcille trying to 'help' Falin perform girl better. Basically, Marcille doubling down on his currently held beliefs of what gender is and how it functions instead of considering that it may not be that simple, and he and/or Falin may not be a girl. Falin I think would not bring up being trans for a few reasons but primarily that boy is just not big on conflict with people especially those he cares for.

But anyways. A perfect example of Marcille forcing his idea of correct gender performance being in a daydream hour page where Falin is drawn with short hair, and Marcille is visibly pretty upset by it. (I don't have the translated image but here it is)

I know that it seems like a small thing that doesn't hold much weight, and it's not technically canon but trans mens hair is often something that people feel that they need to control. A girl cutting her hair short is seen as this horrible, unacceptable thing. Now again, obviously Falin doesn't canonically cut his hair short, but the fact that Marcille would be upset and specifically wants it long again informs us about his view of these things. I think that hair being useful for magic would end up being a justification for both being upset by the concept of Falin with short hair, and a justification to himself on why he is not allowed to experiment with shorter hair. It's more practical for his line of work/study, so it's a perfect excuse to just never think about if he TRULY loves it long or if he is just doubling down on performing what's expected of him.

Marcille is a KING of appearing way more uptight than he is. He's very by the books, very strict seeming about doing magic right, but he also specifically primarily has interest in the most taboo magic. He's the loudest about complaining about eating monsters, but he's also the first one to outright say that if they have to eat demihumans then so be it. Marcille is full of contradicting feelings and actions and I think he's prone to trying to fit into what people expect but his heart isn't fully in it so he still ends up doing the unexpected as well.

Even after the manga, Marcille has lost his desire to take care of his hair but he honestly doesn't seem... that upset by it? He is upset, sure, but for something that appeared to be a pretty big thing for him he accepts it shockingly smoothly. Almost as if perhaps, it's a relief to have an excuse to try something different. To try shorter hair maybe? Because now he has an excuse other than doing gender 'wrong'. It would feel safer to explore.

Aand I have a TON of other thoughts but this is getting pretty long and I'm losing track of my thoughts SO I'm going to drop a small list of some other random half formed thoughts I think about in relation to Marcille being a gay trans man

marcille being half elf half tallman and the parallel between that and being trans and how when you're trans you're alienated and isolated. in society's eyes youre not fully a man, not fully a woman, you're both and neither and othered in a complicated way

everyone assuming marcilles wish is to become 'full elf' also is interesting to compare to the experience of people viewing being trans as 'wishing you were X gender' in a very binary way

marcille asking if his dad is pregnant in a flashback just feels like something a trans egg kid would say

marcilles overall attachment to his father tbh.

marcille being super into romance novels and specifically his succubus presenting as a pretty boy from his novels. Obviously this can be read romantic or whatever but I know personally a lot of characters I was obsessed with as a child that I thought was romantic attraction turned out to be a combination of attraction and wanting their gender expression. I think it's interesting to read into marcille's interest in romance novels as him finding a 'safe' way to explore his attraction to men and desire to be a man without actually acknowledging that directly. (a lot of irl gay trans men do similar before they realize theyre gay trans men!)

Aaand that's my thoughts for now lmao. Here's some pen doodles I did while figuring out how I wanted to draw post-canon marcille :> Still working on figuring him out but I like how these look! I like the idea of him having some facial hair (not very long as elves seem to not be able to grow much body hair) and probably cutting his hair so it's more shoulder length and a bit easier to manage!

[boinin]

Blue Lock in Japan fandom diary

I was in Japan for my holidays, which was incredible—it's somewhere I dreamed of visiting for a long time, and it lived up to every expectation.

I'll talk a little bit about my experience from a Blue Lock fan perspective, as it's something that interested me prior to going. April 2024 was a good time to visit, thanks to the Episode Nagi film coming out. There was a lot of pop-up cafés/collabs open, and no shortage of merchandise.

In Harajuku's Takeshita Street, there were a series of banners/pendants for the new film, featuring all the main characters. There were also digital ads for Episode Nagi in a few places—I recall the trailer playing at Shibuya Crossing (which is exactly as surreal and overwhelming a place as I'd imagined).

Rambling and pics under the cut, including gacha machines, stores, general anecdotes and my merch haul.

In case anyone's uncomfortable seeing IRL pics, be warned there's couple shots of my hand below. No face reveals 😛

Gacha

So, gacha machines are EVERYWHERE in Tokyo and other cities, often randomly in the street, but also in dedicated stores. The biggest selection tended to be in arcades or shopping centres. Akihabara had a few big ones (Gigo comes to mind), but I found multiple. And Blue Lock is really well represented! There's loads of stuff to waste money on, from little acrylic keychains to small figures to... tiny cushions with characters' faces on them 👀

One minor annoyance is that the gacha merch for a fandom doesn't tend to be grouped in one place, so you spend a lot of time wandering around stacks of machines squinting at their content. Only one store I visited in Osaka had all the Blue Lock stuff grouped together.

In general, most of the machines are priced between ¥300 and ¥500 a spin (€1.80 to €3.00 at time of writing), so it's reasonably affordable unless you're a completionist set on collecting ALLL the merch.

Much of what's in the gacha machines is seasonal, so it's worth snapping up anything that you like while it's there. That said, I found a few stores selling same season or older gacha merch at a markup. The most expensive ones were older merch/limited edition, which can cost many multiples of what you'd pay originally. Other places (like Ani Ani) sell current gacha merch at a small markup. I was able to buy a Rin to finish a seasonal collection for only ¥100 more than I'd pay at a machine, which saved me whatever multiple of ¥300 I'd have paid on spins to get him in addition to the four others.

Throughout the trip I saw the same gacha content over and over again in various places. Specifically for Blue Lock, you don't generally have to worry about throwing money at the first set of machines you find or risk missing out. That said, one regret of mine was passing on some really cute gacha figs of the Bllk boys in casual clothes on a street on Akihabara, which I never saw anywhere else.

There's also heaps of claw machines in similar locations, which mostly had figures of Nagi and Reo in their Hakuho uniform.

Pop-up stores/collabs and merch stores

Blue Lock is well represented in cafés/pop ups. This is likely due to the EpiNagi film releasing this month, but with some research beforehand, you'll likely find a venue should you wish to get some Bllk themed food/venue exclusive goodies. Be warned—many of these will require a reservation, and they book out quickly. That's the case for most of the fandom cafés. If it's a must-do for your trip, research a venue before you go and try booking a slot if you can.

I only went to one myself, which was a place in Harajuku that did Blue Lock themed drinks. I chose Nagi's, which looked mysteriously black on the menu. It turned out to be tea with lemon flavoured jelly—tasty and canon inspired! I also got a free card of Bachira, which the store assistant handed to me at random. This was overpriced at ¥800 (€4.77) compared to what you'd pay normally in Japan for a drink, but that's the branding mark-up. In comparison, a bottle of soda, tea or coffee from a vending machine costs on average around ¥150 (€0.90).

Regarding stores, there was a Blue Lock pop-up in Ikebukuro in an electronics store which had SO many acrylic stands and plushes. A lot of this was bishounen/pretty boy appreciation material for each of the characters. Think stands of the boys smiling handsomely at the camera in various outfits.

At time of writing, merch tends to feature just the characters from season 1 of the anime, specifically the Egoist Four, Nagi, Reo, Rin and Sae. I saw little for the other characters, and next to nothing for manga-only charas. My favourite manga character find was a sticker of Hiori, which has subsequently gone missing amidst the chaos of unpacking 🥲 If it turns up, I'll add a picture. Found it!

In terms of spots for Blue Lock merch, Ikebukuro and Akihabara were the best and most concentrated. Akihabara gives tourist trap vibes, but if you're willing to navigate every nook and cranny plus the crowds on the hunt for blorbos, you'll almost certainly find merch to your taste.

Ani Ani in Akihabara was pretty good for BLLK, and excellent in general for its selection of fandom merch. Smaller shops have more niche content, which is great if you favour side characters.

Ikebukuro has a more chill vibe than Akihabara (less tourists) but still a decent selection of fandom merch. Hands down the best spot for Blue Lock on my trip was the Animate store there (pictured above), which had five or six shelves just for our favourite football prisoners. Lots of plushes as you can see, but also things like clear files, acrylic stands, keychains, stickers, pins and more. Again, big focus on pretty boy appreciation, but there were also cutesy things like chibi figures/stickers. There's also heaps there for other animanga fandoms.

Animate Ikebukuro had the Blue Lock fragrances! I only sniffed a couple of these—both Isagi and Kunigami's were reminiscent of blue shower gel, but with woody notes in Kunigami's case. Chigiri's fragrance was more floral and fruity. They cost somewhere between ¥7000 to ¥8000 I think (around €45ish).

In addition, Harajuko has a lot of anime stuff along Takeshita Street, but the selection can be hit or miss. I found two shops there that were reselling Blue Lock goods (things like gacha figs and limited edition merch). These could be pricey, but these were the best for cute/older Chigiri and Kunigami merch IMO.

Snacks

Again, availability may relate to the timing of anime releases etc, but I tried a bunch of BLLK snacks in Japan. The most common type were these chocolate wafers, which you could get cheaply in convenience stores for loads of different shounen fandoms (I recall seeing One Piece, JoJo and MHA). The wafers themselves were mid, but the packaging was cute and you get a free sticker or card in each. I managed to get a Kunigami card on my first try 🥹

"Slowbar" is like a protein or granola bar. Again nothing to write home about taste-wise, but I saw a few with Bllk packaging. Go figure, I bought one that had Kunigiri. No freebies, but it was a more substantial snack than the wafers.

My merch haul

Here's what came home with me! It's modest as far as fandom hauls go, particularly next to all the stuff I bought in the Pokémon centres. I didn't go as nuts as I thought I would, but the gacha machines definitely put a dent in my bank account. They're fun, but should be treated with caution by anyone who likes owning complete sets of things.

Close up of gacha figs, minus Rin + the bonus Chigiri I picked up on.

I ended up spending around ¥3000 (about €18) to get the full set of sleeping figs (including duplicates). Spent around the same to get the sleeping bag figs, then at least half that again on Chigiri's when I spotted him at a resale store (he's from a previous release).

As a result of my gacha spree, I have a bunch of duplicates 🥲 It would be a shame to bin 'em, so might do an interest check to see if anyone's interested in taking them off my hands.

These are the cards/Zantetsu sticker I got from the combini wafers, the Bachira card from the juice café, plus a random cushion of Rin from a gacha machine. It's way too small to be practical, but still cute.

I bought the two Kunigiri chibi plushes at a resale store for ¥3000 altogether. Chigiri was twice the price of Kunigami, lmao.

Kitty!giri came with a little sleepy eyemask. As soon as I saw him, I had to have him. Bought him at Ani Ani in Akihabara for ¥2500 I think? (€15 approx). They had kitty Isagis and Bachiras too.

Now for a story: there's a gacha series out now which has gold rings featuring the names of the main BLLK cast + Aryu. I swore not to buy any of these, cos it's a little self-shippy; no shame in that, but it's not really my bag. I also dislike gold jewellery.

Relatedly, partner and I just decided to get married, and half-talked about looking for a engagement ring in Japan before we travelled.

So. A few weeks later, while wandering around Harajuku, partner walks back to me after disappearing for two minutes. They hold out a gacha capsule with a shit eating grin—"Hey, got ya something!"

I shit you not: not only was it one of the stupid rings, but out of eight choices, they managed to pull Kunigami's 😭 I laughed/despaired for about five minutes. Partner was amused.

I don't have small hands (¥100 for scale); Ringsuke loosely fits my baby finger but gets stuck on my ring finger if I shove it on past the bottom knuckle. Based off my own measurements, the BLLK rings are probably around 50-53 mm in size (Japan size 12 maybe). It's surprisingly good quality for a ¥400 capsule machine prize.

So yeah: that's how this Kunigiri stan ended up with an ill-fitting engagement ring with her favourite blorbo's name on it 🙃 ...I'll get a proper one eventually, and Kitty!giri will inherit Ringsuke. Y'all are about the only people I'm ever admitting this story to.

Finally, my favourite purchase is these two acrylic stands of Chigiri and Kunigami, with pop ups of their stats. I'm not big on acrylic stands generally, but this was one of my favourite official art releases and I couldn't pass it up. They were ¥1800 (€11) apiece in a Harajuku resale store—probably more expensive than their original sale price, but I'm not complaining.

That's about it, I think! I've tried to recall as much detail as I can about places/prices here, but happy to provide more info if anyone's curious about anything—just ask!

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Hello! If you don't mind, this is half a vent and half an ask both to you and to your followers who have had some experience?

I feel like I want certain aspects of a romantic relationship, the idea of having someone "special" is very appealing. Especially since I find myself falling in the trap of romance tropes, and I really do feel that I want to find that one person who I'd feel safe being physically close with, and not just because I turn my brain off to suffer through it but to actually enjoy it.

I know that I'm rather attracted to men, in theory at least, but whenever there's even remotely a thought in my brain that a polite conversation may turn into something more I get nervous, kinda in a bad way. I feel like I want to put a barrier in and I'm afraid they'll be reading into my behaviour too much. It makes me feel as if I like to play pretend in my head but I'm too much of a coward when real life gets involved.

I've been identifying as ace for years now, and I just turned 24. No experience in the dating department, I've been slowly making my way to accepting being at least arospec as well, possibly just aro, but for some reason it's been so much harder for me. Asexuality just clicked. This I think I may be fighting because the idea of a relationship seems too nice to give up and I've already had a bad experience with an extremely undernegotiated QPR (ended quickly but left a bitter taste nevertheless).

I just wish I could not think about it? But I also feel like the societal expectations of romantic attraction are much more pressing than sexual one. I don't want to lead anyone on, and I don't want to feel this little bit of dread whenever I have a conversation with a guy who I know doesn't have a girlfriend. That's another sign of being aro, right? Being able to be comfortable only when the possibility of the other party wanting you romantically is non-existent.

Sorry for this being so long. Thank you for listening, either way.

Romance definitely has a hard to explain quality to it, and I think that can make it questioning if you're aro especially tricky. It is possible that anxiety you're feeling when a situation could turn romantic is a form of repulsion. It's not uncommon for romance repulsion to feel more like anxiety or nervousness, and for people feel like wanting to go and hide. Alloromantic people can be nervous too sometimes, but it usually comes with a feeling of anticipation and still being drawn to the other person. Or they will usually have either trouble with anxiety in other areas, or issues with romance (romance related trauma for example). Sometimes it can be tricky to know exactly what it is, but if the stuff below doesn't sound like you at all, than repulsion is a likely explanation.

The other thing I would point is that fully alloromantic people often have people in real life they are experience a romantic pull towards, who they really want to be in a romantic relationship with. And if you're not experiencing that, that could also be a strong sign of being aromantic.

Being aromantic, and even romance repulsed, if you are, does not mean you can't have a very important person in your life. I know you mentioned a QPR that didn't go well, and it's up to you if that's something you ever want to try again, but even if you don't. remember that deep bonds can come in all forms of relationships. All types of relationships, including friendships, familial relationships, etc. have the potential to be very special of very deep if you end up connecting to someone in the right way. So whatever path you choose to take, don't feel like this isn't possible.

I'll throw this out followers too if anyone wants to share their own thoughts or advice.

All the best, Anon! Good luck!

[krirebr]

So, I've been going back and forth about sharing this here but it's really been dominating my thoughts for the last two days, and while I've talked about it a lot with friends, I'm hoping that writing everything down will help me process things. And maybe other people, especially aspec people might be able to relate.

I mentioned on Wednesday that I'd had a really terrible evening that had really shaken and upset me. Below the cut, I want to share what happened.

TWs for references to depression, aphobia, exclusionism, and bad therapy (there's probably a better word for it but I'm not sure what it would be.)

So some of you know that I started this year with a pretty intense depressive episode. It was bad enough that I had to take a leave of absence from work and pretty much spent that whole time crying in bed. It's taken a lot of work over the last few months to get myself back to a more stable place. A big part of that work has been regularly going to therapy.

I went to therapy on and off as a kid and in college, but not at all since then. All of my previous therapeutic experience was long before I came out as aroace. There's a long, ongoing history of aspec identities being medicalized and pathologized and that's something I was very aware of while looking for a therapist this time around. But I was also really desperate for help. So I chose as wisely as I could and crossed my fingers.

I chose a queer therapist who specialized in LGBTQ issues. I told them I was aroace in my first session and while they didn't seem very familiar at all, they also didn't make me overly explain myself or want to focus on that rather than the very real and urgent issues I had come to them for, which is what I'd been most worried about.

As I continued to meet with them weekly, they would sometimes ask questions about it, and while it was pretty clear they didn't really get it, they were respectful about it and it wasn't interfering with the help I actually needed.

That brings me to my appointment this Wednesday. I didn't have anything really pressing to discuss so they asked about my plans for the week and I mentioned that I was getting my hair cut and I was excited because I've been feeling lately like my hair is really hetero (I use that word instead of straight because my hair is so, so curly 😂) and I was looking forward to having queer hair again. They stopped. "Wait," they said, "I'm confused. Why did you use that word to describe yourself?" It had never occurred to them that aspec identities would be considered part of the queer community. They, in fact, had an incredibly narrow definition of the word queer - gay, just gay. And they didn't consider asexuality or aromanticism to be orientations at all.

My memories of the following conversation are pretty jumbled, but some highlights included such chestnuts as "What if you meet the right person one day?", asserting that the A in LGBTQIA+ stands for ally, there has to be a sexual component to romantic relationships, and "everyone has to have attraction, humans are sexual beings." They also said that we should dig into my childhood going forward because they were sure there was something there that caused this. I had a pretty traumatic middle school experience (bullying and some psychosomatic stuff that stemmed from that) and they were pretty eager to blame all that for this.

I became increasingly defensive and combative as this conversation went on (which if you know me, isn't like me at all). It ended with us both feeling very bad and uncomfortable.

I think they kind of came around a little bit by the end. They seemed open to educating themselves and even sent me a link to an article they'd found after our session. And that's great, I guess? But the whole thing made me want to crawl out of my skin. I cried a lot when I got home.

I'm not exactly sure what to do from here. My initial plan was to go next week, talk through what happened, offer some context for why I had gotten so defensive, and discuss together whether this was going to be a good long-term fit. But that's feeling less and less likely the more I think about it (I haven't been able to stop thinking about it). This is just such a big part of who I am. And it's a part of myself that I like and am proud of! And I just can't imagine a situation where I would ever feel safe talking about this aspect of my life with them. And I don't really want therapy where I'm constantly having to censor myself. So do I even go to my next appointment? I really don't know.

I know there's a lot of hopelessness in the aspec community around getting mental health care and I really don't want to add to that. I don't want to believe that we can't get help for our actual issues without mental health professionals just wanting to fix things that don't actually need to be fixed. And I hope that's not the moral or ultimate outcome of this story. I've talked to my very lovely network of queer friends and several of them have already said that they'll reach out to their contacts to find some recommendations for me. I deserve to get the help that I need in a space that is actually safe. And my need isn't as urgent as I was. I can take my time now to find someone I'm fully comfortable with.

I'm not sure exactly why I shared this. I don't always get so personal on here. And some of you have already heard it (thank you for being such good friends, seriously). But it's just been festering inside of me for the past two days and I really needed to share it. Thank you for listening.

[cattyanon]

Hello. May I ask a possibly indelicate question? If you don't want to, you don't have to answer it. I just wanted to ask you something. About autism. Don't get any ideas, but I'm writing a story right now where one of the main characters is autistic. I honestly wouldn't bother you, but there's very little information on the internet about autistic people...

Oh yeah, that's fine!

One very important thing to note is that Autism manifests in different ways from person to person. Both with the triggers and how we react to them. So this is just my experience/the best I can explain.

Speaking of explaining, that's a good place to start on examples. You see, one thing my autism does is make it hard to explain things without thinking on it first. Especially when it's on the spot. Sometimes I'll try and explain things to my mom but then fumble over my words and ask her to give me a moment while I collect my thoughts. I like to refer to it as being "wording is hard".

Another example is whenever I hear a repetitive noise. It's not bad at first but the longer it goes on the more it frusterates and drives me crazy. Like I can try to ignore it but that only works for so long before I can't take it and have to ask them to stop or walk into a different room. But the thing is while repetitive noises might annoy me, another autistic person might do it as a stim. Like tapping their foot or a table. And since I'm mentioning noise, too much noise (especially if its loud) can overstimulate me.

The reactions to said triggers can vary too. Like becoming frustrated at everything for a while, yelling at them to stop doing whatever is annoying you, extensive crying, snalping at everyone and everything, and in some cases even hurting yourself or others. When they get as extreme as the last example, that's what you call a meltdown.

So I guess having autism can be seen as someone acting out of the expected societal norm? Like if you expect someone to act one way because that's how everyone else does it (or it's expected to be how everyone else does it) but then they act a way you definitely didnt see coming.

I think a good example of "out of the societal norm" would be comfort items. If you've never heard of the term, its basically something you bring with you everywhere because it makes you feel safer and/or happy.

In fact, I once had a meltdown because my old principal took away several of my comfort items (stuffed animals in my case) out of my inside pockets (they were pretty big pockets and the stuffed animals weren't that big so the bitch was able to take multiple). And as for my reaction, I am not exaggerating at all when I say that I was going to search the ENTIRE school to find them. And while that didn't end up happening, I promise you that I was.

So whereas you might expect a teenager to just get upset and/or annoyed but except it if their stuffed animal was taken from an authority figure, I was absolutely dead set on getting them back. Although for someone else, they might just cry a lot, or maybe they'd swear a bunch, or perhaps a m.jn.vmixture. I hope this makes sense?

Honestly the whole fact theres a "societal norm" pisses me off cause it shrouds those who don't follow it as weird (derogatory) outcasts that don't fit in when in reality it's just that everyone is different. There's nothing wrong with being different, being autistic, we just are. Nobody is the same and to expect that, that everyone should fit into this societal norm, is stupid.

[dragonlights]

Like I don't Post about drama but vis a vis predestro's Tumblr ban, like. I don't necessarily think it's a good thing that we on the Internet have become so desensitized to threats of violence that we use them as jokes, but like.... That's been Tumblr culture for, what, a decade now? At least four years. Almost definitely longer.

And like. I've seen so much worse. Folks admitting to sending asks telling others to kill themselves!! Folks outright wishing x/y person killed themselves!!! Folks harassing trans folks (esp. trans women!)

But what gets this one lady banned was her man door hammer hand car boom-ass post???

Like, talk about enforcing the TOS from the wrong angle.

I totally get that part of it is "this person had their rule breaking reported en masse so something happened" but shouldn't the severity of the response have more to do with the severity of the offense, rather than how many people reported that user?

Like. The fact that we have to do mass reports to get anything to happen to anyone is ridiculous.

And, the fact that INCORRECT mass reports aren't punished more is also ridiculous.

There's also no report function for discriminatory content, or for seeing users harass each other. So... If you're not the one being harassed, your report does... Nothing??

Unless you, what scroll through someone's blog looking for things you could report as threatening violence??

On the "I hope every politician dies" webbed site???

There's obviously something fucky with their reporting system- either the way that reports are handled, or the way the severity of the reports are being judged.

Cause right now, it looks like they got a flood of reports from TERFs, photomatt saw a post about him, and went "well, fuck it, get her out of here" without looking at the context of HER BEING HARASSED FOR AGES. And that the post in question- the only one I saw shared!- was almost certainly a vent post for Said Situation that was...

Comically mishandled?

Like this one?

Like. Look. Do I think maybe at some point, on the "way too comfortable with violence on people I see as Wrong in some way" webbed site, a popular user said something that could actually be construed as a threat, and due to rampant transmisogyny got, got her shit reported?

Yeah, I can see that.

I don't follow her blog too closely, I know she does a lot of hyperbolic stuff. (as is Done on this Web site, again... I've almost certainly rb'd things just as bad)

But the example photomatt uses is hilariously bad and so obviously not a threat, and one would think, IN LIGHT OF THERE BEING ALLEGATIONS OF TRANSPHOBIA ON THEIR TEAM FOR YEARS, THEY WOULD BRING OUT A MORE CREDIBLE PIECE OF EVIDENCE THAN A LOONY-TOONS ASS DEATH WISH.

Just. The bar was on the ground and they still fumbled It! Fucking! Amazing!

[dykeinthedark]

venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)

[sysig]

So full of love to give (Patreon)

Bonus:

Sauna-ley, he’s gotta plastic-wrap his arm

[sisterdivinium]

I think someone mentioned mixing WN with D&D on Twitter a while back and I hope that, if so, "D&D" was being used as a synonym for RPG rather than actual D&D 5e (which you shouldn't really do because they aren't synonymous, but I know it's a common thing).

Adapting Warrior Nun into 5e rules seems a bit like fighting the system rather than working with it, at least to me.

Here is a game that depends on character classes -- how will you make it work when all characters will probably share the class of sister warrior? If the idea is to differentiate them through skills, then isn't it better to just ditch the concept of class altogether? Maybe take inspiration from something like Knave, Maze Rats, Cairn if one wishes to stick with a D&D-ish aura.

Fights in WN aren't all that long if you think about it; so how will you conciliate that with the HP sponges that 5e characters are? (An anecdote: the other day I saw someone complaining about their weak initial character, who had some 20 HP. Playing old school D&D, I've had players start with 4. Ask them if they weren't scared shitless of dying -- and if this fear didn't make them play smarter and end up valuing their PCs much more when they levelled up!)

The economy system of 5e (well, of D&D as a whole, really, including older editions) has very little in common with the one our favourite ass-kicking nuns would use -- would it even be necessary, if we assume the Vatican is responsible for providing them with gear?

I'm not asking any of these questions simply because I dislike 5e (which I do, I admit) or to dissuade people from mixing WN and RPGs (I even did it myself once and might or might not be doing it again with another play style and basic system in mind), I just ask that they take mechanics into consideration. 5e can be good for what it's made for (or so I'm told), but in this particular instance it seems inappropriate for WN.

If I may be so bold as to offer amateur designers some suggestions...

I'd start by taking a look at Nathan Paoletta's RPG Design Zine, just because it helps you think about what the hell you're doing.

Generic systems are just that, generic, but they can be much easier to adapt than something so heavily-coded for a certain type of game as 5e is. They can be more complicated (maybe GURPS, though you could go for Lite and consider getting, idk, Religion, Martial Arts, Low Tech, High Tech... Go explore) or lighter. I am a gigantic fan of Freeform Universal Classic, but you could do something cool with FATE or FAE, Mini Six, hell, I don't know! There's a good deal of generic systems out there.

You could be a little more daring, if versed in PbtA games, and hack one up yourself, why not?

All I'm saying is that you shouldn't be wrestling with the system to make this thing. Have it work for you, not against you; find something that can "translate" the show more easily than 5e does.

There's a whole world of games out there, a wealth of inspiration to work with. A lot of creators stick to 5e because it's popular and it helps them get visibility for their products -- and I don't fault them for it, but you aren't going to sell this, are you? You're not the IP owner. Others use 5e because "everybody knows the rules" -- which isn't true and, honestly, if you're going to change the whole thing up so it matches WN, then what's the use of knowing how rangers in a high fantasy campaign progress if you're playing nuns with guns?

I guess my point is: just don't tire yourself out trying to make an apple pie out of ingredients meant for chocolate cake.

[coffeeshib]

okay look

fuck. you have so many achingly beautiful works and convey such a wonderful scope of emotions in your stories.

i am enraptured, constantly, by the way you're able to write the characters. nothing (nobody) feels out of place. in fact, it all feels remarkably *right*.

like so many of your words feel like the pieces of the puzzle falling, ever so gently, into place whether it's an au or a seamless offering of what the show never gave us (but should have).

so, sincerely – thank you for writing the breath back into my lungs when life feels like it is drowning me.

(it's stupid late and this is probably a mess, but i'm trying to be better about expressing my gratitude for those that offer comfort through their art)

AAAAAAAAA wow guys thank!!!!! it’s just a silly little fic about being horny but also handling/caring for one another at their lows but it’s close to my heart so it makes me h*ppy to hear all this

[ratstuckinamarble]

the rat is SICK? :( poor poor rat.....

stay snuggly and stay warm <3

Oh my goodness how are you this adorable T-T I don't even know what to say...

I want to glue this to my heart. May not help me get well sooner but it sure is making me so happy ๑ï

Thank you, truly.

I'll try my best to stay snuggly and warm, though I could never reach the comfort of your drawing. In the meantime, you stay cozy and safe too <3

[hooved]

every time i see a picture of a place with really heavy fog i get so emotional because i just wanna walk through it so so so bad i love fog so much........