#STOP MAKING THEM DISTINGUISHED LESBIANS

[jorrated]

STOP making them normal. they arent.

[xxxdreamscapexxx]

Only for you

Emo!Wanda Maximoff x FemReader

Word count: 4.2k

Summary: Just the above, but I also added some reader backstory

Warning: Reader backstory including: physical pain, arguing, bullying, mental instability, manipulation, R being held against her will Present time storyline: mutual pining, Unestablished lesbian relationship, slight teasing by the team, jealousy, posessiveness, love confessions, fluff, Happy!Ending <3

Joining the Avengers was a challenge. It wasn’t the constant work outs and strict diet to keep you healthy and strong, it wasn’t even the danger or the threats to your life, even the annoying attempts of the media to follow you and snap pictures of you didn’t bother you that much. They all got buried by the government before they saw the light of day anyway. It was the people. Not that you weren’t grateful to them. They had saved your life after all. Gave you a purpose in life. But… The Avengers were a tough group to get to know and even tougher to live with sometimes. Of course, some preferred having their own homes, like Clint and his family, or the notorious Captain Marvel, that didn’t even live on Earth, and just as expected, those that did live in the tower had their own floors, rooms, offices, so you didn’t even meet them that much, but that just made it even harder to really connect. That’s why Steve insisted on team building activities, training together, even attending Tony’s stupid parties, all in the name of bonding. The man meant well and he really had a big heart, but he just couldn’t see that some of the Avengers had very little in common.

The thing is… You were born a witch. Not from a powerful clan, or with deeply rooted ancestry, and you probably would have stayed that way, had you not made a terrible mistake. Truly, you were just angry at the time. Barely a teenager, who thought she had all the answers. You were arguing with your mother about something, not that you could even remember what for. It was probably so stupid. But you both lost your temper, screaming at each other, until she had sent you to your room. She thought she was de-escalating the situation, giving you both time to calm down. What she didn’t know is that you had been through her collection of spell books and brought them all to your room. So when you slammed the door behind you, stupidly, unthinkingly, you grabbed the books. You weren’t sure what kind of spell you were hoping to find. Just something to make all the emotions inside you stop raging. But you found an absorption spell instead. In your head, you thought that if you just learned this spell and then performed it, you’ll search through the books much faster and then you’d able to do… What? God, you had no idea. Thinking back now, that was such a ridiculous thing to do. But you learned the spell, grabbed the candles you had in your drawer, surrounded yourself with all the books you had taken and just started the chant, hands touching the pages of the books and starting to feel their content seeping into your skin. It stung! That’s what you remember most. The feeling of that black ink seeping into your skin, as if splitting it open to make its way inside, clawing its way in your veins. It hurt so bad, but it wouldn’t stop. You had said the words, and now the spell was doing its work, emptying the pages of the books around you. You tried to pull your hands away, struggled to get it to stop, but it wouldn’t. Every painful second felt like hours. The panic inside you was rising, watching the inky blotches making their way up your arms, crawling like black maggots under your skin, up your shoulders and neck… You were so scared, heart pumping wildly in your chest as you watched it happen, begging for it to finally stop.

But with the end of the spell, you found yourself facing a greater torment. You had taken too much, too fast for your brain to fully comprehend. All the words swirled in your head like a hurricane, making it impossible to distinguish your own thoughts. You tried to calm down, tried to put those racing thoughts in order, trying to meditate, just like your mother had thought you, but it was useless. It wouldn’t stop. In the end, it was your screams that attracted your mother to your room, panicked and scared, just as you were, trying to get you to tell her what you had done, but you couldn’t even put a sentence in order. Your brain was so scrambled, growing more incoherent by the second. Maybe that’s when you passed out? You couldn’t tell. You had very little recollections from that time. The next days were a blur. You don’t remember much. Just your room. Your mother told you that you were consumed by madness. Spewing lines from spells, incoherent and jumbled together. But sometimes you would get one right. She’d had to confine you to your room and bind you with runes, so you wouldn’t start casting without even knowing it. She told you it took you two weeks, before you started to come back to yourself. It was a miracle you even managed it. Some witches never recovered from such a thing. By the time you came back to your school, there were so many rumours about you, people whispering behind your back. You were changed. Thinner, more withdrawn, trying to keep to yourself. But kids were cruel and curious. They teased you, tried to get you to admit why you were missing from school all this time, attacking you, when you tried to ignore them. You should have known it was inevitable that you snapped and did something you’d regret.

It was just before summer break, you thought you had gotten through the worst of it, that you had your emotions under control, practicing every day, just so you could keep all the magic from spilling out. Many people didn’t know, but grimoires weren’t just books full of spells. Each spell, written within the pages was also a tiny bit of magic, leaving its imprint and taking root. You hadn’t just absorbed the knowledge, but the magic too. It was more than you’d ever felt, more than you knew how to control, so you practiced relentlessly. But when pushed, it bubbled to the surface. Fucking Madeleine Dupont, daughter of the Patric Dupont – owner of the biggest, most profitable manufacturing business in town, was obnoxious, spoiled, annoying and with a mean streak wider than her daddy’s newly acquired 23 acres of land for their grand mansion. The girl loved to pick on everyone, but recently, she had set her sights on you and in that fateful day, she and her friends cornered you into an empty classroom, taking drugs out of their pockets and trying to get you to take them. When “gentle” persuasion failed, one of them grabbed you, holding you by the hair and trying to force your face onto a desk, where they had spilled some powder. You didn’t even know what it is. But they started to overpower you, and the tears spilling down your cheeks as you tried to tell them that you didn’t want this, that you needed them to stop, only added to their exhilaration.

They eventually pinned you down, laughing menacingly as they tried to get you to breathe it in and you lost control, pushing them back with your magic, a wave of energy blasting through the whole room, making desks and chairs fly to the ground, just like the girls had done. You tried to reign yourself in, to stop the emotions from taking over, but you were mumbling spells already. You remember just a blast. You remember waking up in a cell, body strapped to a small hospital bed, being pumped full of something. And the woman. She was your “handler” and on most days, the only person you saw or spoke with. She told you what happened. You’d killed those girls. Part of the building collapsed because of what you had done and the rubble crushed them. You must have protected yourself on instinct. Survived it somehow. They were giving you medication, making sure you heal properly. And then your training could begin. They were HYDRA. And they had a special interest in people like you. They made it clear that they weren’t just your supposed saviours, but also your captors. They weren’t going to just let you leave their facility. Instead, they aimed to train you. You were one of the lucky ones. You learned that after you were rescued from that HYDRA base. They never tortured you physically. Instead, they decided that they could break your mind, already weakened by what you’d done to yourself. They aimed to convert you. Half your training was spells and magic, endurance, strength… The other part… That was indoctrination. And they used everything they knew about you just to do it. When you refused to say the right things, they withheld food, when you refused to train, they withheld water… When that didn’t work, they would use threats. Your mother. They weren’t above hurting her to make you behave. They weren’t above killing her, if you didn’t do what you’re told.

You often held out hope that she was looking for you. That she’d find you and save you. But she didn’t have half as much power as you did. And you couldn’t escape them. What luck would she have? Eventually, your only hope of escape was to save yourself and after a few failed attempts, you formed a plan. You did as you were told, said what they needed to hear and you trained. You trained every waking moment, making sure your body and mind would be strong enough to take on all the magic you invited into yourself. That absorption spell? You used it more often, although, you limited the amount of information this time. It always hurt, the headaches after each use were monstrous. But it was all worth it. You were going to get yourself out of there one day. Even if you had to take down the whole base to do it. But it was the Avengers who took it down and helped you out of there. They reunited you with your mother, your family, and after some time, they also offered you a job. A calling. To help people. Those who weren’t as fortunate as you. Those in need. And you said yes. That’s how you ended up in the Avengers tower. Despite the people, it was a lonely place. Few understood what you had been though, fewer still cared for what it had done to you. But you couldn’t blame them. They all had their own lives, their own problems to deal with, their own personal pain to wallow in. Natasha understood. She knew what being a prisoner was like, what it felt like to be forced to do things just to survive. Steve empathised. His big heart and his puppy dog eyes were unbelievably charming and he won you over easily. Clint brought normalcy to everyone’s lives. But most of the others were hard to relate to. Tony meant well, but he had a big mouth and he loved putting his foot in it. Bruce was always in his lab. Vision was kind, but he was also marked by the characteristics of his origin and hard to make a connection with. Thor… Where do you even start with Thor? But there was also Wanda.

She had joined before you, her story similar to yours, yet so different, marked by loss and heartache. She was a kindred spirit and easily a friend. She was a little older than you, her eyeliner thick, her black nail polish often chipped, her hair in a tight ponytail as she walked around the compound and she always smiled when she saw you. As the months passed, the two of you were inseparable, spending every waking moment together. You were one of the two people who wasn’t scared that she’d read your mind, who trusted her good intentions and good heart completely. The other was Vision. They had a bond, an understanding that you didn’t know how to share in. But you were happy that she had him in her corner, because the other Avengers always looked at her suspiciously, or avoided her and you never knew why. Wanda was a sweetheart. Her favorite way to watch sitcoms was with her cuddled up into your side, your fingers playing with her silky hair, that she always let down, when it was just the two of you in the room. And sure, she was a little emo, but you found that adorable. Her smile would only widen, when you’d use one of your many pet names for her and she would blush, when you complimented her cooking. And you used those all the time, because, the thing is, you were in love with her. You were desperately in love with Wanda Maximoff and you were ready to do just about anything to have her smile at you or shower you with her affection. Something she did practically all the time anyway. If the woman wasn’t also fiercely protective and an extremely powerful witch, you’d say she’s a puppy. But none of the others ever agreed, when you said so. They would cower, when she stepped into the room, avoid her eyes, when they needed to speak to her, they would step out of training rooms, when she walked in. You found it baffling. And somehow the treatment extended to you as well. The closer you got to her, the more they kept their distance.

Gone were the days when they would tease you playfully, when they would give you pointers on your techniques, when they would approach you for small gatherings that didn’t involve the whole team and you never knew why. Until today. You walked in the common room, only to find most of the team already there and you greeted them, before you made your way to the adjacent kitchen, listening to their banter as you made breakfast for yourself and Wanda. It was the dynamic you were used to and you were ready to join them, holding the bowls of food in your hands, when you noticed that the noise suddenly died down, replaced by tense silence. “Wanda.” Natasha greeted with a nod. “Natasha.” The younger woman acknowledged, stepping further into the room and scanning it for something. Not that she ever told them what she needs. She looked pissed. Her aura was dark and almost menacing, her shoulders squared, like she was ready for a fight, making everyone on edge and you couldn’t figure out why. “Hi, sweetheart!” You decide to finally greet her, showing yourself from behind the wall you had been standing, while you observed all this. “Sweetheart?” Tony lifted an eyebrow, an amused smile creeping up his lips. Wanda only threw him a glare, but she accepted your hug happily, taking you into her arms and when you pulled away, she only let you turn into her hold, facing the group, while her hands stayed firmly around you. “Let’s go have breakfast in my room.” She suggested in your ear, ready to practically drag you out of there. “Why not join all of us for breakfast?” Steve raised his voice, gesturing to the big table he was already sitting at. “That’d be nice.” You nodded, before Wanda had any chance to refuse. “Come on, Wands, I already fixed you a bowl.” You told her. “Yes, Wands, we haven’t seen you in ages.” Tony agrees, emphasising the nickname you had used.

Feeling like she didn’t have much of a choice, Wanda agreed, sitting next to you and pulling your chair practically into her side, so she’d have you as close to her as she could, while she ate quietly. But the team felt like they had stumbled onto something. They had felt the shift in mood within her, as soon as she saw you and they weren’t going to let it go so easily. At first they tried their playful banter on her, asking her about her day, about her interests, about her training, just anything to see a reaction, but none actually came. It was only when you spoke that she would light up. She would smile, when she listened to you, when she forgot that it wasn’t just the two of you in the room. But it was the little blush that showed on her cheeks, when you called her “darling” that first sparked an idea within them. “Hey, Y/N, I hear you tried your hand against Cap here.” Bucky stared off, attracting your attention. “Tried being the key word. Hand to hand I don’t stand a chance, but with a little magic…” You trailed off, shrugging. “Who knows…” “Yeah?” His smile widens. “Well, if you’re looking for a challenge, join me for a spar this afternoon.” He invited. “She’s training with me this afternoon.” Wanda practically growled, looking up from her bowl for just a second, to stare down Bucky. Her glare was murderous. “That’s too bad, I was hoping for a little magic.” The man said, obviously bating Wanda. “Then perhaps you should train with me. I have magic.” Wanda snarled, summoning a ball of energy between her fingers for a moment, just to get her point across and luckily, the man was smart enough to back off. “Well, if you’re busy training, perhaps I can finally take dear Y/N to get a proper costume. The two of you can’t keep borrowing my leather jackets and pretend that it’s a real suit.” Natasha interjected. “What do you say dear?” She asked, her voice dropping an octave. “I already have some ideas in mind. You can try them on for me.” She suggested, noting the way Wanda’s knuckles turned white around her spoon. “And I’m sure Tony can make some improvements.” “Oh yeah.” The man chimed in, happy to take his own turn teasing Wanda. “I’ll have to get your measurements of course. To make sure it fits perfectly.” He says casually, but the idea of it makes Wanda’s blood boil. “She’s busy today.” Wanda retorts, before you even get a chance to open your mouth and you find yourself surprised to see her so tense. “Tomorrow perhaps.” Tony shrugs, taking on Wanda’s glare. “I’ll make time for her.” He adds. “She’s mine.” Wanda snaps, raising from her seat and balling her fists. “What was that?” Tony pretends not to hear her, smirking at the pissed off witch. “I said, she’s mine.” Wanda grits out, turning to you, ready to drag you out of the room.

It’s then that she realizes what she had said. That you were right there next to her, looking at her with a mixture of disbelief and hopefulness. The thing is, Wanda was desperately in love with you too. She was also, as the team quickly started to realize, extremely possessive, and she wasn’t going to watch every man and woman in the room flirt with you. The only problem was that she hadn’t told you all that. Scared to ruin your friendship and loose you for good, she opted for hiding her feelings, which only intensified her jealousy. She hadn’t staked her claim on you and it made her scared that someone else might. So every time you weren’t with her, she’d be on edge, lurking in corners, sending people glares whenever they spoke to you, hoping to keep them away until she could finally tell you how she felt. Such behaviour had earned her a reputation in the Tower as grumpy, and since everyone knew how dangerous she could be, they tried to stay away. Now, however, cornered and taken by surprise, she had let it slip. And you were right next to her, so it was impossible that you didn’t hear her earlier words. “Y/N…” She stutters, taken aback. “I didn’t mean… I…” She stumbled over her words. And the audience didn’t help in the slightest. She felt crowded. Tony’s smug smirk seemed to taunt her, Bucky and Steave sharing a knowing giggle between them, Natasha, who somehow looked unphased and simply amused at the whole scene, it was all overwhelming. And then, there was you. Shocked at what you’d heard and looking at her in disbelief. God, she needed to get out of there… Before she had a chance to say much else, before she could think it all through, she stormed out. She didn’t even know how she ended up in the hallway, her legs carrying her on their own, when she heard your voice. “Wanda!” You were calling out her name, jogging slightly to catch up to her. “Wanda, please wait!” You called out again, seemingly not for the first time. “Please, we should talk about this.” You said, watching her stop, so she could wait for you. “I’m so sorry, Y/N…” She squeezed her eyes shut. “I had to get out of there.” She tried to say, her voice shaking a little with all the emotions that were raging inside her. “It’s ok. I understand.” You nodded, taking her hand, so you could help her feel more grounded.

The small touch between you, just the feeling of your hand in hers felt electrifying and she easily took the other one as well, pulling you close, until she could have you in her arms, securing you in a tight embrace and making you look up at her. “You don’t understand.” She said, hands shaking. “I’m so in love with you. I have been for months now. And I was so scared to tell you, so scared of loosing you, that I just…” She paused, struggling to find the right words. “And the way they were talking to you, the way they all looked at you… I can’t stand the thought of anyone else having you. I want you to be mine. I want you all to myself. I want to fall asleep next to you and wake up with you in my arms, I want to spend every day showing you that I love you. I want… You!” She confessed, her arms tightening around you, as if you’d escape her grasp somehow. “Oh, Wanda…” You whispered, a gentle smile farming on your lips as you watched her eyes sparkle. “I’ve been in love with you too. And I didn’t know how to tell you…” You said, trying to swallow the lump in your throat. The moment felt heavy, thick with emotions as you both stood frozen in time, eyes glued to the other, when suddenly a voice, startled you both. “Maximoff, kiss the girl already!” Tony said smugly, followed by cheers from the people around him. Were they watching you on the hallway cameras this whole time? Not that you had time to think about that, when Wanda was leaning closer, her eyes flashing red, before she shortened the distance between you both, until she was only a breath away. Her features were so different now, she was smiling as she held you, biting her lips, eyes full of adoration and longing.

When she finally placed her lips on yours, a gentle caress at first, it felt like you were in heaven. You had wished for this moment for so long, imagined it every night, before you fell asleep, dreamt of it and longed for it and it was finally happening and you just couldn’t get enough. When she felt your eager lips on hers, Wanda didn’t hesitate to deepen the kiss, tongue darting out, asking for permission to taste you further and mingling with yours, once you allowed her access. It was only when she pushed you against the nearest wall, trapping your body with hers, that you finally paused. “We’re giving everyone a show.” You reminded her, head pointing to the camera in the corner. “Never.” Wanda smirked, her magic flashing once more, to show you that she had disabled the feed, before you even kissed. “Only I’m allowed to see you like this. I would never share you with anyone else.” She said with a note of possessiveness that you were growing to love, the more you saw it. She kissed you again. And then again, greedy hands squeezing your hips. She could never get enough of you. She felt drunk on you and only reluctantly pulled away when you both needed to breathe. “We should get back.” You said reluctantly. “Let’s go to my room instead. We’ll take it slow. We don’t have to do anything. I just want you all to myself.” She suggested. “I don’t want to share you.” “Wait… Is that why everyone thinks you’re so grumpy?” You suddenly realized, remembering countless times, when Wanda has wanted your undivided attention, skipping events and avoiding people. She didn’t say anything, but at this point you didn’t need her to. “We should show them how wrong they are. You’re amazing and warm and loving and sweet and I want everyone to know that.” You told her honestly. “But we’ll go to my room after?” She held you firmly, refusing to let you go just yet. “Yes, we’ll go to your room after.” You nodded happily. “I’ll even let you pick what we’re watching.” You added teasingly. Wanda smiled, pulling away just enough to let you straighten yourself and she held your hand, letting you guide her back to the common room, watching your hips sway seductively. It was sweet, she thought, that you believed she’d be wasting her time with sitcoms, when she could finally have you the way she’s wanted you for so long… _______________________________________________________ Hi, dear anon. I hope that you are happy with the story you got for your request! <3

[bleedingoptimism]

You Are Mine part 3

Second day is an early call too. They are going to shoot a bunch of scenes of them hanging out between shows, loitering on the bus, playing d&d, and going to weird little dinners, all things they actually do when on tour.

It’s even better than the day before, Robin and Steve get along so well with the band it feels like they’ve been friends for years.

Since their conversation won't be distinguishable in the video, Argyle tells them they can talk about whatever and just be a little more emphatic when talking so it reads better on camera.

A direction that apparently they don't need at all because they are both so expressive. And so, they actually get to chat and get to know each other better, laughing and joking all through the day.

Robin, who is a ‘raging lesbian’ (her words) is fucking adorable and bizarre, her energy is contagious and nerve-racking. She’s finishing a career in linguistics, can speak fluently in like six languages, and is apparently a certified genius.

She’s also head over heels obsessed with her girlfriend, and won’t stop talking about her. Vicky is a nurse student, one of Steve’s classmates actually.

‘Steve is a fucking nurse student, why is that hot? Why does he find that so hot? Jesus’.

Steve is much quieter than Robin, especially in comparison. But he’s just, or even funnier. Eddie can see how observant he is, listening attentively and waiting for his moment, because he’s mostly quiet but when he speaks he always says the perfect thing.

It’s like every time he talks Eddie can see him dropping an imaginary mike on the floor. It’s fascinating honestly.

He is incredibly sweet too. Eddie can tell, by how his eyes light up when they are placed in a scene meant to look like they are playing Dungeons and Dragons and he goes on a tangent about the kids he used to babysit when he was younger, that they like to play too, how they drove him insane and how he never lost touch with them after they grew up, how they are all seniors in high school now, how proud he is of them. It’s so fucking cute.

They get a good laugh imagining the kids' reactions to seeing them in the video, Steve laughing so hard he cries when Robin starts imitating the expression of one of them finding out Steve made out with his favorite singer.

And they haven’t even talked about or planned that scene yet, it’s meant to be shot tomorrow, but when he hears them talking about it, it fills Eddie up with antici…pation. He’s dying to kiss Steve and he can’t stop thinking about it.

♫

After the lunch break, they shoot a bunch of scenarios of Eddie sneaking into various places, the bus, a bathroom, a changing room, and so on. Since Robin and Steve are practically the same height is easy to cheat the camera into only showing the back of the shirt that says ‘crew’ making it impossible to know which one of them he’s hooking up with until the end of the video.

He has a lot of fun pushing Steve into different corners of the set, and Steve does too judging from all his cute little laughs between scenes. 

Argyle calls it a day late afternoon, he’s happy and excited, says he has a really good feeling about this,

“Not many scenes left to shoot, mostly you two,” he said pointing at Steve and him, “So we can start mid-morning tomorrow. Get some rest my dudes, love you” and dismisses them.

Eddie gets distracted talking with Argyle so when he gets back to the changing room there’s no one there, except… Steve.

He’s meticulously fixing his hair in the mirror and he’s humming the video’s song. Of course he is, Eddie thinks amused, he’s heard it so many times by now. He leans on the doorway watching Steve’s reflection, waiting for him to notice Eddie, but Steve doesn’t see him right away, and thinking he’s alone, he starts singing.

I don’t want to hide anymore,

I want the whole world to know,

That you are mine,

Are you mine, please be mine, you are mine.

It’s his song, but it sounds nothing like it. The chorus of You Are Mine is loud, angry, desperate but what Steve is singing sounds so soft, so beautiful. It sounds like one of those slow acoustic covers that usually play in coffee stores and it’s funny, Eddie despises those kinds of covers, but Steve’s? 

Steve’s he could listen to all the goddam time.

He’s so lost in his thoughts he doesn't notice when Steve finally sees him, he only looks up when the singing stops.

Steve is smiling at him bashfully through the reflection in the mirror, blushing prettily. 

Smiling back he tells Steve, “I’m surprised you are not sick of it yet,”

He pushes himself off the doorframe and walks inside, hovering over Steve since he’s sitting on the only makeup chair.

Steve shrugs as he stands up and leaves the chair to Eddie, going around the room to grab his things. Eddie can’t help but feel a little disappointed, he kind of wanted Steve to keep him company, but to his surprise, Steve doesn't leave immediately, and it’s his turn to hover slightly close.

“It’s a really catchy song,” Steve says and Eddie snorts because, no, it’s not. But he just smiles again and says,

“Well, thank you.”

“You wrote it?” Steve asks tilting his head to the side and it’s fucking unfair how cute he looks when he does it.

Eddie just nods, because speaking hard when cute boy near. Man he usually has so much more game, what is it about Steve that just makes him feel so giddy?

“It must be about someone very special,” Steve says and there’s a question hidden somewhere in there.

And Eddie wants to tell him ‘I wrote it for you’ because it feels like he did. He wrote the song thinking about a concept, an ideal, someone he would truly want, and he genuinely feels he was conjuring up Steve in his mind. Even before he met him.

But instead, he shakes his head and says, “It’s hypothetical, there- there’s no one.”

And Steve smiles at him, his smile getting bigger slowly and his cheeks redder as he looks down for a second before staring at Eddie through his lashes, “Good” he says in an almost whisper and then leaves the room.

And Eddie thinks maybe all the songs in their next album will be about Steve.

to be continued

part 1: ♫

part 2: ♫

part 3: is this

part 4: ♫ 

☕ cafecito?

[straightbaittournament]

may the best bait win! propaganda under the cut:

robin and steve:

After Steve and his gf break up in s2, in s3 the show pairs him up with Robin - his opposite. They don't get along, but through insane plot are forced together and become friends and work together. Robin even confesses that she used to obsess over Steve. But when he tells her he likes her, Robin reveals that she obsessed over Steve because the girl she liked was into Steve and she was jealous. In one scene their relationship switches from 'well duh they're gonna get together' to 'oh shit they're bffs - a lesbian and her supportive himbo'

In my opinion, this is the quintessential straightbait, the first I've ever seen to seem so on purpose. Steve and Robin spend the whole of season 3 becoming closer and Steve is constantly told by his friends that he should make a move on Robin. When he finally does, surprise! Robin is a lesbian! This was so masterfully done imo because I actually felt some chemistry there and then they hit us with the lesbian card. Now they are besties who talk about boobies together and I wouldn't have it any other way.

they were paired together at the beginning of s3 and everyone thought they were gonna end up together, steve even confessed he had a crush on her, but then it was revealed that robin was a lesbian so they stayed Platonic with a capital P they're codependent best friends with a single braincell between them what more do you want

"it isn't because i had a crush on you. it's because... she wouldn't stop staring at you."

roy and riza:

Did you know they’re not canon? Because they’re not! They love and care for each other deeply and spend a ton of time together throughout the series but they never actually are romantically involved. The ship everyone thinks is canon but isn’t it’s that big of straight bait

slight disclaimer: the mangaka has said that riza and roy love each other and would marry each other given the chance, but will not act on their feelings as it would be inappropriate due to their military ranks as colonel and 1st lieutenant/bodyguard. some have interpreted that as royai being canon, although nothing has occurred in canon to explicitly express romantic desire

Sooo in love with each other but NEVER admit it… she’s his bodyguard and he also tries his best to protect her and there are a ton of moments that show their closeness but they just can’t have a relationship in their current situation

roy and riza! you either know it from the series or u are sick and tired of seeing them in other polls! but theres a reason for that—its about the devotion, its about years of pinning, its about the trust, its about knowing each other so well that u can distinguish the imposter posing as each other, it's about the villains using ur other half to force u to do sth, its roy trusting riza to keep him on the line and riza telling him that if he strays she will kill him first and then take her own life, its about riza trusting roy to burn the sigils on her back after trusting him with the sigils and teaching him the fire alchemy and!!!! all of this and still no kisses. pain and suffering on the earth (the good kind) no kissies after 64 episodes leaves the fandom in shambles (clickbait)

[twstfanblog]

Twist OC Fankid Info 2

Ashengrotto Twins

**Charysa Ashengrotto-Crewel**

Age: 17 (Feb 22, Eldest twin)

School: Sophmore at NCR. Member of the Tennis Club and Co-Housewarden of Heartslabyul.

Height: 5'5"

Hair: Mid-back length lilac hair, normally in twin tails

Eyes: Dark blue

Likes: 'Plushies', romance novels, making colored sand art, poetry, word puzzles, accessories of all kinds

Dislikes: 'Stuffed Animals', being broken up with, rumors (That she didn't start), horror movies, losing

Pets?: A bloom of Jellyfish. She and Scylar cried until Azul bought sea real estate to keep them safe.

Fav Food: Spicy Seafood Alfredo

Who's their Best Friend?: Scylar ♡

Dating/Crush?: A revolving door of shitty boyfriends and a very sweet secret admirer

Part one of the fast-talking con-artist Ashengrotto twins. They will talk you into a verbal contract to do their homework for months. But you can pay them to drop it.

Charysa is a hopeless romantic who misses every red flag when she falls in love. Luckily, her family is so intense about finances that Azul scares off every last one that makes it to meeting him. (If you plan on dating either of Azul's direct daughters, you better have excellent credit, a hand balanced checkbook, and be prepared to set up your 401K. Legal documentation is mandatory). If Azul doesn't scare them off, Scylar will.

She has a secret admirer who lifts her spirit with thoughtful gifts after every failed relationship and is lowkey keeping her love of romance alive.

Pretty laidback but is weirdly intense about her tennis record. The only person she's lost to in a match is Finley and she's keeping it that way. (Tennis ball coming at you going Mach 14)

Kind of a crybaby, but has actually broken people's bones for making fun of her siblings. (She snapped one child's finger in kindergarten for saying her twin looked gross)

Sadly, gets periods along with Yuu and Malgona.

Unique Magic: Siren Song. No one is really sure if it is a unique spell since it's a shared spell between the twins. When they both sing in harmony, it makes for a hypnotic effect that briefly brings people under their command. Not used very often as they don't have much control over whoever hears their song since they need to sing the commands in perfect harmony.

Any time they HAVE used it, it was clearly premeditated and they were grounded afterwards.

**Scylar Ashengrotto-Crewel**

Age: 17 (Feb 22, Youngest twin)

School: Sophmore at NCR. Member of the NRC Choir and Co-Housewarden of Heartslabyul.

Height: 5'5"

Hair: Mid-back length lilac hair, normally in a ponytail

Eyes: Dark blue

Likes: 'Stuffed Animals', concerts, social media, economics, fashion, gaudy jewelry, singing.

Dislikes: 'Plushies', frogs, her sister getting a new boyfriend, spicy food, Men.

Pets?: A bloom of jellyfish. She and Charysa insist that Azul call them by their names properly.

Fav Food: Seafood Alfredo

Who's their Best Friend?: Charysa ♡

Dating/Crush?: Looking for a cute girlfriend

Distinguished lesbian, threw a fit when she was picked by the mirror as an NRC scholarship student when she was set to go to an all-girls school instead. While more fem-presenting people have been accepted and invited to attend NRC in the recent years, Scylar is still mad because no one has caught her eye yet and is CONVINCED if she had gone to an all-girls school she'd be engaged by now.

The more violent of the twins but also the most logical. She is the one planning on how to jump someone at a later date if anyone DARES fuck over she and her sister. The twins do not fight fair and will ambush you together.

She is fully aware of who her sister's secret admirer is and is TRYING to get him to confess so she can stop dealing with her sister's terrible boyfriends. He keeps refusing and claiming things are best the way they are. Scylar just assumes he doesn't have the proper legal documents he needs to meet Azul.

The 'tired gay' of the family, though JJ disagrees.

Unique Magic: Siren Song. No one is really sure if it is a unique spell since it's a shared spell between the twins. When they both sing in harmony, it makes for a hypnotic effect that briefly brings people under their command. Not used very often as they don't have much control over whoever hears their song since they need to sing the commands in perfect harmony.

She's more talented than her sister in the singing department, but the skill seems to split evenly during the spell. So, Scylar works hard to improve her singing to make their spell stronger.

And that's the twins! Onto the Eldest Vipers!

[daughter-of-melpomene]

𝗔 𝗪𝗛𝗢𝗟𝗘 𝗧𝗢𝗡 𝗢𝗙 𝗪𝗜𝗭𝗔𝗥𝗗𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗪𝗢𝗥𝗟𝗗 𝗣𝗟𝗢𝗧 𝗕𝗨𝗡𝗡𝗜𝗘𝗦

So, I’ve been reading a lot of Wizarding World OC fanfics lately, mostly on Wattpad, and have since fallen back into a rabbit hole of thinking about this amazing universe. Harry Potter was one of the very first fandoms I was in, and despite everything and how much I despise and renounce She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named, I still love it and I don’t really think I’ll ever stop.

Anyways, as a result of my falling back into my love for this universe, I wound up creating a whole load of plot bunnies for assorted eras, and I thought I’d share them with you guys! I probably won’t wind up making formal intro posts for all of them or anything, but you guys are definitely free to ask me questions about any of them if you want, and I really hope you like my new babies!!

(Tagging my Wizarding World moots @luucypevensie, @dancingsunflowers-ocs, @manyfandomocs, @cecexwrites, and @ginevrastilinski-ocs - really hope you guys like these ideas!!)

FANTASTIC BEASTS ERA —

Charlotte “Charlie” Fairweather; pureblood, (former) Hufflepuff, poly Newt + Tina ship. Newt’s best friend from Hogwarts who shares his love of creatures and dropped out after he got expelled to follow him in his travels. Seen as the father of all the creatures while Newt’s the mom, and has a special bond with the Mooncalves. Total sassy sweetheart who has a heart of gold but also doesn’t take crap from anyone, and also a distinguished bisexual who’s very proud of herself for landing people as awesome as both Newt and Tina.

Amelia Jameson; half-blood, (former) Horned Serpent, poly Jacob + Queenie ship. American witch who works in the Wand Registration Department and is Tina’s only friend at work, and winds up getting pulled into the whole crazy adventure because of it. Incredibly intelligent and good at reading people, but never became an Auror because she was too scared to put herself into danger. Has had a work crush on Queenie for years, but never thought anything would come of it until she got to spend more time with her and wound up also developing feelings for Jacob (which causes her a great deal of panic for something that winds up having a happy ending).

Sylvia “Sylvie” Miller; pureblood, (former) Wampus, Bunty ship. Tina’s Auror protégé once she gets reinstated in the second movie who gets assigned to shadow her in her hunt for Grindelwald. Doesn’t see what Tina sees in Newt at all but then becomes a total hypocrite by falling head over heels for Bunty the moment she sees her. Kind of closed-off and over everything all the time, but also a secret lesbian disaster. Incredible when it comes to defensive magic and shield charms.

RIDDLE ERA —

Ptolemus Lovegood; pureblood, Ravenclaw, Tom Riddle ship. Exists in an AU where Tom never becomes Voldemort. Luna’s ancestor who definitely lives up to the Lovegood name, very dreamy and a bit odd, but an incredible artist who creates amazing magical paintings and sculptures. A bit naïve because he mostly lives inside his own head, and gets made fun of a lot by other students. Tom originally gets into a relationship with him because he thinks he can manipulate Ptolemus into helping him in his schemes, but he winds up actually falling in love with him, and Ptolemus slowly helps him overcome his anger and the darkness inside him. Basically this guy is Luna about fifty years in the future, and a bit of a manic pixie dream boy, but we love him anyway.

Sera Malfoy; pureblood, Slytherin, Orion Black ship. Everything you would expect a Malfoy to be - cold, cruel, and arrogant - but never to be made the heir to anything because she’s a woman, which she loathes. Plenty of people at Hogwarts desire her for her beauty, but she never deems anyone good enough for her. Has an on-and-off affair with Orion while he’s already betrothed to Walburga, which is super toxic and messy since Sera is mainly using him to try and get him to drop Walburga so she can be head of the Black household and Orion just wants to have the victory of sleeping with the girl everyone at Hogwarts wants. They actually wind up developing a sort of twisted connection, but break their affair off once Orion and Walburga officially get engaged. Eventually killed by Walburga after she finds out that Sera and Orion slept together one more time after they were already married and Sirius and Regulus were kids. After he moves back into his childhood home, Sirius finds a letter his father wrote to Sera but never sent, and a wrought-iron rose with a snake wrapped around the stem that she gifted him.

MARAUDERS ERA —

Orla Byrne; half-blood, Hufflepuff, Mary Macdonald ship. Daughter of a single mother who doesn’t find out her father was a wizard until she gets her Hogwarts letter, so she knows basically nothing about the wizarding world. Bonds with Mary over being Scottish witches trying to figure out this new world together, which eventually leads to them becoming cute girlfriends. Super sassy for a Hufflepuff and prone to using a lot of curse words. Also becomes besties with Mary’s band of other Gryffindor girls, but also becomes pretty tight with the Marauders, which annoys Lily before she starts returning James’s feelings.

Evelyn “Evie” Prewitt; pureblood, Ravenclaw, Narcissa Black ship. Middle child of that era’s Prewitts - Molly’s older sister and younger than the twins. Almost sorted into Slytherin and definitely showcases it - very ambitious and wants to be a politician. Meets Narcissa after they get paired together for a Charms project and start something of a more-than-friends thing, but they break it off after they graduate and Narcissa marries Lucius even though they genuinely love each other. Evie becomes a high-ranking politician in the Ministry of Magic eventually and never marries anyone else, and they wind up reconnecting and getting back together after Harry defeats Voldemort and Narcissa divorces Lucius when he goes to prison.

Nina Grey; half-blood, Hufflepuff, poly James + Lily ship. Daughter of a pureblood mother and Muggleborn wizard father, has been in ballet classes since she was really little, wanted to be a prima ballerina before she got her Hogwarts letter. Still regularly uses the Room of Requirement as a dance studio to practice her dancing, which is how she meets James when the Marauders run into the Room trying to get away from Filch after pulling a prank. Meets Lily after she sees James and Nina talking and approaches her to tell her to stay away from him, and they become friends, only for James to realize that he’s falling for Nina as well as Lily. Nina has already developed feelings for James and gains them for Lily as well the longer they’re friends, and Lily winds up realizing that she loves Nina about the same time she starts to return James’s feelings, so it’s kind of a whole mess, but they do all end up together in the end. Nina’s a total sweetheart who loves tea and reading and always wears ballet flats - basically she’s very soft-girl core and I love her.

Zachary Alonso; Muggleborn, Gryffindor, Remus ship. Son of Mexican-American Muggles/No-Majs who moved to the UK shortly after his tenth birthday, so he gets his Hogwarts letter instead of going to Ilvermorny. A bit of an outcast in his own dorm room for his first few years at Hogwarts since the Marauders are so close, but becomes friends with them in fourth year after he helps them pull off a prank. Becomes a lynx Animagus with the rest of the crew and gains the nickname Sharptooth. Only gets together with Remus towards the end of seventh year, but they’re a very sweet couple. Kind of a stereotypical Gryffindor - never backs down from a challenge, always wants to protect people, and would do very nearly anything for the people he cares about.

Clarissa Yeng; half-blood, Slytherin, Marlene McKinnon ship. Daughter of a wealthy wizarding family who are just outside of the Scared Twenty-Eight and who have sort of fallen from grace after her father married a Muggleborn witch. Determined to restore her family’s reputation, so she acts like a prime pureblood Slytherin, cold and ruthless and proud. Develops something of a rivalry with Marlene over outdoing each other in the Gryffindor-Slytherin shared classes that eventually turns to secret makeout sessions and, later, genuine romance. Naturally brutally honest and not very expressive, but also really touch-starved and craves genuine love and genuinely tries to be a better person once she and Marlene get together.

GOLDEN TRIO ERA —

Mariela Gomez; Muggleborn, (former) Thunderbird, poly Sirius + Remus ship. Transplant from America who becomes the new Muggle Studies professor in the Trio’s third year and winds up becoming very close to Remus. Winds up following him to the Shrieking Shack to help free Sirius and is kind of hurt upon seeing them interacting and realizing that they’re still in love because she was sort of developing feelings for Remus, but keeps in touch with him after he leaves Hogwarts and helps Sirius while he’s hiding out in his cave, and realizes she has feelings for both of them. Joins the Order once it gets back together and has a whole proper confession with her two boys right before the Battle of Hogwarts, and they officially get together after (because of course Sirius and Remus live, what do you take me for?). Incredibly caring and would do anything to protect her students, but also has no tolerance for people who are assholes to her or anyone else about being a Muggleborn - she winds up taking a lot of points off of Slytherin and makes an enemy of Snape because of it.

Lunella “Luna” Warbeck; pureblood, Ravenclaw, Marcus Flint ship. Daughter of the famous witch singer Celestina Warbeck, and is the exact opposite of her mother, very quiet and withdrawn. A very talented singer, however, and writes her own songs which are all really lovely. Meets Flint because she likes to sit in the Quidditch stands to write and winds up accidentally sitting in on a whole Slytherin team practice before anyone notices her. Gets accused of spying for Ravenclaw, which of course she isn’t, but Flint still invites her to the next practice as a way to show off and stick it to Ravenclaw, and then keeps inviting her and interacting with her until they eventually develop feelings. She winds up making him a better person and stopping him from joining the new Death Eaters after Hogwarts, and they actually get to have a happy ending together.

Hecate Lovegood; pureblood, Gryffindor, Fred ship. Luna’s older sister, but instead of getting bullied, goes mostly ignored by Hogwarts’s population. Autistic and only semi-verbal, so she rarely talks, and has a talent for creating enchanted jewelry. Makes friends with the twins after she lies to help get them out of trouble for a prank and abruptly becomes kind of a popular by osmosis, with a bunch of people wanting to buy her jewelry. Stays at Hogwarts after the twins drop out, but when they open Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes they offer her a whole section to sell her jewelry. She and Fred officially get together after the Battle of Hogwarts (because he lives, of course). Very much like Luna in terms of personality, but also a bit more snarky than her when someone’s being a bellend.

Zain Ahmad; half-blood, Hufflepuff, Oliver Wood ship. Hufflepuff Quidditch captain who has been Quidditch rivals with Oliver since they both started playing. Possibly the grumpiest and most sarcastic person to ever get into Hufflepuff, but still an amazing captain who’s loved by all of their players. Has the classic rivals-to-lovers thing with Oliver, but retires from Quidditch after they graduate and takes a job at the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office. Kind of an asshole with a heart of gold, doesn’t really show they care but always goes out of their way to do quietly nice things for people and would die for those they care about.

Nova Brackley; Muggleborn, Slytherin, Draco ship. A total outcast in Slytherin by virtue of being Muggleborn, but doesn’t really give a shit and can very often be seen flipping off their housemates. Incredibly talented at healing magic and sort of becomes Madam Pomfrey’s apprentice starting third year, and first meets Draco when they’re healing up his broken rib from a Quidditch game. The two of them bicker a lot because Draco feels like he has to be mean to them to keep up his reputation and Nova is not willing to take any of his shit, but they actually wind up falling in love eventually. They break up briefly after Nova can’t stop Draco from following his family into the Death Eaters (some of Draco’s angst in the sixth movie also comes from missing them), but they reconnect after the Battle of Hogwarts and eventually get back together, and Nova becomes a Healer at St. Mungo’s. Nova is basically Rosa Diaz incarnate, stone-faced and tough and not giving a shit what people think of them, but they’re also pretty funny and sweet once you actually get to know them, and they’re incredibly loyal.

Godric Marshe; pureblood, Gryffindor, Cedric ship. Named after Godric Gryffindor, of course, but very definitely doesn’t live up to his name because he basically has Neville’s relationship with magic, except his never gets better. Kind of an outcast and gets bullied a lot, and when Cedric approaches him after he’s been crushing on him for years, Godric definitely thinks it’s either a cruel joke or just the Hogwarts golden boy taking pity on him and trying to do the right thing. Rejects Cedric’s attempts at friendship for the longest time, but eventually they genuinely become friends and boyfriends later. Very quiet and insecure due to his lack of magic, but an amazing writer who slowly comes out of his shell thanks to Cedric and eventually becomes a novelist.

Allegra Pennyworthy; pureblood, Slytherin, Neville ship. Daughter of the Sacred Twenty-Eight but supports Muggleborns and doesn’t give a shit about doing what her family wants, and is something of an outcast from Slytherin because of it. Offers to help Neville in Potions since it’s her best subject, and falls him love with him through that. Eventually becomes Hogwarts’s new Potions professor when Neville takes over Herbology. A total badass, fierce and protective and cunning and never afraid to speak her mind; Neville both adores her her and fears her a little bit, and he’s basically the only person she lets herself be soft around.

Penelope Barker; Muggleborn, Gryffindor, Cho ship. A she/they partner for Cho because she deserved better. Technically Muggleborn, but was adopted by a wizard couple when she was a baby so they’ve always been familiar with the wizarding world. Much more focused on playing Quidditch than on academics, but is still best friends with Hermione and generally relies on her tutoring to pass her classes. Falls in love with Cho pretty much the very first time they see her on the Quidditch pitch, and spends years pining over her until they get to talking at the Yule Ball (Cho went by herself instead of with Cedric), and follows her into Dumbledore’s Army the next year until eventually they kiss after a meeting. Becomes a professional Quidditch player after Hogwarts, on the same team Ginny leads. Incredibly sweet but also super awkward and clumsy off of the Quidditch pitch, regularly tripping over her tongue and her own feet. Becomes a godparent to Hermione and Ron’s kids.

Aaaaand that’s all, folks! Holy shit, this is a lot (😅). As I said, not all of these babies are gonna get official intro posts or anything like that, but you’re always free to ask me whatever you want about any of them!! <3

[aller-geez]

Get to know: Blythe Nevrin

(owned by @thekinkyleopard )

31 // Female // She/Her/Hers // Lesbian // Succubus Cobra

Full name: Blythe Nevrin

Nickname: Bly, B, Bee, Bumble Bee

Date Of Birth:

Big Three: Virgo 🌞 Gemini 🌙 Leo ↗️

Physical Appearance —

Age: looks 24-25

Eye Color: Black Sceleras with Silver irises

Hair Color: Dark purple with lighter purple ombré tips

Weight: 125

Height: 5’6

Race: Succubus Demon

Distinguishing Marks or Characteristics: Large black circular horns and a pair of small straight horns protruding from forehead, Dimple piercings, labret, septum and right hand eyebrow piercing, Freya with wings tattooed on her collarbone

Personality —

Greatest Strength: Her charismatic charm she can get /almost/ anyone to tell her anything and do anything

Greatest Weakness: Horribly Clumsy susceptible to injury and illness

Soft Spot: Freya, Zeroh, Amara

Mannerisms/Traits: Comes off very strong, cocky, know it all and seductive but also incredibly forward, vindictive and manipulative and catty. She does have a softer side to her that is often saved for very few.

Miscellaneous Trivia —

Blythe tries to often be a better person than she is but by nature her response is to be selfish or animalistic she is a slave to her urges

While living in the woods building their home, Blythe learned magic and potions, how to use her new abilities given to her from Father Lucifer and it helped them survive

Zeroh trained Blythe how to manipulate the veil as Satan instructed him to. This was in order to insure she could spy when necessary undetected. Having spent about a year of time together, she learned to really respect him, and sometimes tries to get him to soften up on Zilya, her neighbor and friend. They have a mutual respect for each other as coworkers and Blythe views him as a mentor and first real male figure that doesn’t manipulate her. Often visiting him when she can and catching up on stories.

Blythe meets Zilya when she and Freya find a spot in the woods they like to start building their forever home. At first the vampire was furious but melted under Blythe’s charm and they became fast friends who often exchange potions, ingredients, gossip and gab when they get the chance

Sneeze Content —

ALLERGIES

Dust

Moss

How severe are they?

She gets pretty stuffy and then have a few fits if continuously exposed

Do they get sick often?

Not too often but she also has quick remedies

How bad is it usually?

She can be a very sicky mess if she doesn’t remedy it with a potion quickly

Do they stifle?

Yes if she’s around others she will try to stifle them

How loud are their sneezes?

Not incredibly loud, medium but expressive

What do they sneeze into?

Palms or down her dress

How often do they sneeze?

Whenever presented by a trigger

How many times do they sneeze in a fit?

2 times at most 3

Do they have build-ups or are they sudden?

Sudden

Do they sneeze in public?

Nope, they’ve got a natural cover; The Veil

Some examples of their sneezes?

Backstory —

Blythe was born to Rochelle and Danny Neverin, two meth addicts that procreated purely by a drugged up accident. Children can be a blessing, in many ways. The second they could they were selling photos, videos of Blythe through various stages of her growth, selling off their daughter’s innocent body to monsters online. Eventually as their addictions escalated, so did their need to make money and thus they began selling Blythe out. Prostituting her from the ages of 13-17. They earned 5k per client and often kept her out for 10+ clients everyday. Though their lifestyle went front trailer parks to gated neighborhoods, the abuse never stopped and Blythe was never treated like a person let alone daughter. Through out her entire life, Blythe felt as though something or someone was watching her. God ? She thought. Often escaping death through insane unexplainable coincidences. Failed suicide after failed suicide and yet never truly feeling alone. It was when she turned 18 that her suspicions were confirmed and an angel by the name of Freya, exposed her existence to her. The angel spoke of an innate need to protect her, a confession of love, sincerity. Blythe felt like she already knew her, the angel’s presence comforting alone. Immediately Blythe knew she wanted to run away with this being and they did but found it very difficult to escape the wrath of God himself. Without much thought, Blythe had heard rumors of an old well and a well dressed man. Upon inquiring the old well, she met a hand of Satan who led her to meet him face to face due to her special circumstances. In order to protect them from the eyes of God, Satan offered her and Freya two necklaces powerful to shield them , but Blythe would have to sacrifice her humanity over to him and in exchange she would become the very thing that tormented her. Sin Incarnate. Turned into an insatiable Succubus she was now forced to be Lucifer’s very own eyes on earth. Yet, she finds herself compromised when tasked with the mission of reporting back about Alistar, Satan’s most rebellious son. While she reports what she is allotted, she can not report it all. Her and Alistar at a stand still. He won’t get them exposed to God, She won’t expose him to Satan. They work in balance but secretly despise each other.

Blythe loves potions, magic, and has the fet. She’s allergic to moss, rats, dust, and rosemary. She has a medium type immune system neither good or bad

[bestfictionalplant]

Preliminary Polls: Dungeons and Dragons

The top 2 plants/fungi will go into the main bracket

Propaganda under cut

Phantom Fungus: This ambulatory fungus is naturally invisible, making it a feared predator among subterranean inhabitants. 

Violet Fungus: A violet fungus flails about with its tentacles at living creatures that come within its reach.

Tendriculos: This plant may have been mutated by foul magic, or may have originated on another plane of existence - Or perhaps both these theories are true. It can rear up to a height of 15 ft. and weighs about 3,500 pounds. Its best known for its ability to grow and regrow its body rapidly. it accomplishes this by consuming vast quantities of meat.

Bloodthorn: The bloodthorn is a tough wiry plant that grows in thick briarlike patches. The plant subsists entirely on the blood of living creatures by draining it through 3-inch-long, hollow, needle sharp spikes on it's tendrils. Bright red succulent berries grow on the plant continuously, producing a fragrant odor that appeals to most species. If a creature survives a bloodthorn attack and steals a few berries, it discovers its efforts were in vain - the berries are bitter and provide no sustenance.

Demonthorn Mandrake: Demonthorn mandrakes are often brought to the Material Plane to serve as guardians or to start a plague. A demonthorn mandrake can shoot a deadly pod filled with spores that cause living creatures struck by them to sprout thorns. The only ways to stop the growth of a demonthorn mandrake’s thorns are by pulling them out or dousing them in holy water. Demonthorn mandrakes reproduce by using other living creatures as hosts. Victims slain by mandrake spore pod thorns play host to a sapling plant, which grows to maturity in 1 to 4 hours, consuming most of the host creature’s blood and flesh to fuel the process. As plant creatures, demonthorn mandrakes do not form societies, but a great demonthorn mandrake, the Mother Seed, exists somewhere in the Abyss. This Mother Seed is larger than any other demon thorn mandrake, and it possesses a cruel and cunning intellect. It is an authority that other demonthorn mandrakes obey without hesitation.

Shrieker: Shriekers are a fungus, usually found underground. Shrieker toadstools grow to 3 feet tall and have large holes across the cap. They are sensitive to light and vibration, and if they detect any they start pushing air through these holes making a high pitched screaming sound. Shriekers have a mutualistic relationship with various underground predators, which kill and eat whatever the shrieker alerts them to while the shrieker decomposes what's left over.

Blights: These little guys want your blood! They need it to grow big and strong!

Dryads: They protect trees, groves and forests, and lure mortal men and lesbians into the dark woods

Campestri: Campestris are happy-go-lucky mushroom-like creatures with few cares or worries. They are captivated by music, though they can't distinguish a well-played performance from a bad one. If anyone plays an instrument or sings in the campestris' vicinity, the little creatures will happily sing along, each in an obnoxiously nasal falsetto, as they dance 

Mod note: PLEASE look at the original campestri he's such a Funny Little Guy, he belongs in a Richard Scarry illustration!!!!

[bilesproblems]

This month I'd like to shout out disabled mspec lesbians/lunians, of all disabilities.

Shoutout to bi lesbians who are physically disabled and use mobility aids like canes, crutches, walkers, and/or wheelchairs, who can't get out of bed some days, and have trouble navigating a world built for able bodied people.

Shoutout to pan lesbians who are mentally disabled and struggle with understanding things, doing things that their mental disability makes difficult, speaking, eating, and/or socializing, who see and hear things, and who feel like their disabilities get ignored and feel excluded from the greater disabled community.

Shoutout to poly lesbians who are visually impaired and rely on screenreaders, high contrast to see things or low contrast to not strain their eyes, who need glasses to get around and even then still have problems with their vision, and especially to the blind poly lesbians.

Shoutout to neurodivergent omni lesbians who feel their neurodivergency is disabling. To the autistic omni lesbians who will have to suffer in sensory hell this month from the fireworks (if you're American.) To the omni lesbians with OCD who feel debilitated by their compulsions and wish people would stop stereotyping them as neat freaks instead of understanding how bad it can be. To the omni lesbians with ADHD who keep being told they're just lazy and aren't trying hard enough despite giving it all they got.

Shoutout to Deaf and hard of hearing abro lesbians who have trouble navigating a hearing world and wish the hearing were more kind to the Deaf. To the Deaf abro lesbians who were forced to speak and read lips and struggled, maybe even couldn't, and were seen as failures. To the hard of hearing abro lesbians who can technically hear a little, but have trouble understanding what they heard because of hearing loss. To abro lesbians with ANSD who are constantly bombarded with noise, noise, noise, yet can't distinguish any of it.

Shoutout to non-BOP mspec lesbians/multi lesbians with personality disorders who feel like they are disabled by their PDs in the way they socialize or the way they're treated by the people around them for their disorders. To the multi lesbians with Cluster A PDs that get called crazy. To the multi lesbians with Cluster B PDs that get called abusive, evil, dramatic, insane, or weird. To multi lesbians with Cluster C PDs who get told they're too sensitive, clingy, or obsessed. Who feel their thinking patterns or the way people perceive them leaves them unable to access most of the world.

Shoutout to all disabled mspec lesbians/lunians. Disability comes in many forms and you all deserve a great disabled pride month. If there's any way I can make my blog more accessible please let me know and I will do my best. Much love.

ETA: why did I forget to tag such an important post

[allshipsareok]

When fancops equate being a proshipper to being a pedophile they're making several very wrong assumptions.

1. "All proshippers ship fictional adults with minors and consume nsfw of fictional minors"

Wrong. Many proshippers are uncomfortable with such content and avoid it but they don't harass people who enjoy it.

2. "All proshippers who have adult x minor ships are attracted to a minor and identify with an adult in their ship"

Wrong. It's usually the other way around. Adults don't stop relating to fictional teenagers the second they turn 18 and many teen characters from popular media are deliberately made to be relatable to adults so the media will appeal to wider audience. Not to mention that a fantasy of being younger, more innocent, pampered and protected by someone more mature who knows better is a pretty common one.

3. "All proshippers who find underage fictional characters attractive perceive them as children"

Wrong. Big tiddy ecchi anime schoolgirls look and act nothing like real schoolgirls. Buff 16 years olds from shounen anime look and act nothing like real 16 years old. High school drama teenagers played by adult actors look and act nothing like real teenagers. They are perceived as either adults with a 'minor" label slapped on them for some reason or just... characters and ageless blobs. Fancops are the only ones weirdly obsessed with fictional characters' ages.

4. "Things people find attractive and desirable in fiction directly reflect what they find attractive and desirable in reality "

Wrong. Lesbians who like anime pretty boys are still lesbians. Furries' attraction to cartoon anthropomorphic animals doesn't extend to actual animals. Women who have rape fantasies don't actually want to be raped.

5. "Brain doesn't know the difference between real and fictional situations"

Wrong. It very much does. Our brain clearly distinguishes fictional and real situations.

Different parts of brain are activated when real people are discussed and when fictional characters are discussed.

It's funny how fancops accuse people of sex crimes solely because of some incorrect assumptions based on their fictional preferences and by funny I mean disgusting.

[coffincest-philosophy]

crazy how cannibalism and satanism will go unnoticed but people will draw the line at incest. it’s supposed to be messed up like what do you expect?? also fiction ≠ real life.

personally? idgaf what the antis think about the ship because . they’re both hot af and ashley is so me coded hejej

your blog is super cool btw and i’m considering buying the game to play for myself

Yeah fandom is... interesting.

Honestly I mostly try to just block people and stay out of arguments. Arguing with people about fandom issues just makes me have a bad time and I'd rather spend my time online enjoying the things I like instead of getting heated over them. I've been part of tumblr fandom for over 10 years now, so my points of view on fandom drama are much more in line with older fandom.

I don't touch the "proship vs. anti" stuff with a 10 foot pole because I think both sides of the argument have been watered down to mean absolutely nothing. Antis have a different definition of what "proship" means than proshippers have, and proshippers have a different definition of "anti" than antis have. So at this point, to me, it's mostly just an argument about semantics, and that gives me too much of a headache to participate in. I stopped using twitter because of it since tumblr, although still not perfect, is a lot better.

My main point of view on most fandom drama boils down to: I can tell the difference between fiction and reality, but if you are someone who can't distinguish that line then it means you shouldn't participate in fandom for your own safety. At the end of the day, our brains all work differently, and we have no right to police others because of how our own individual thinking works. Block and move on, if you stop having a good time and it begins to effect you irl, maybe fandom isn't a healthy choice for you.

ANYWAY! The game is super fun and I totally recommend it! I'm actually not a fan of video games (normally I just watch lets plays) but I really enjoyed playing through the two chapters that are out so far and I can't wait for more to come out!! Hopefully you get a chance to play it!!

Also yes, Ashley is very hot. I want to thirst over her from a distance though and I hope she's never within a 1 mile radius of me for my own safety. Ashley, I promise I'm a lesbian and I have no interest in your greasy brother.

[taoofshigeru]

Octopath Traveler 2 Ship Power Rankings

My 8path2 ships, explained.

I have beaten the game so some of this is spoiler-informed and/or explicit spoilers.

Partitio x Ori -She speaks in headlines. He restored her faith in humanity. I am in the process of burning incense to pray for their happy future.

Temenos x Crick -One of them is straight-laced, the other is not straight. Holmes and Watson but pixelated and for a modern audience. --"But isn't Crick-?" Shhh. Yes, but I don't think that stops Temenos. And no, not like that. Temenos just knows a very eminent magic scholar and the party makes contact with some very particular tomes. I think he starts getting ideas and solves that particular issue. In a year the official records will show Crick just took an extended leave of absence from the sacred guard for personal reasons.

Castti x Malaya x Andy -The latter two are very clearly in love and they find a way to make it work. Malaya works on making sure Castti doesn't overwork herself and Andy gives her massages whenever she gets tired.

Dolcinea x Veronica -Canon lesbians representing all aspects of the futch and distinguished/disaster scales between them. Definitively not the most problematic gay relationship in the game, either.

Mindt x Tanzy -I feel no particular need to explain this one.

Alrond x Misha -Another couple where one of them is straight-laced, the other is not straight.

That purple guy x Castti's axe -They just seem to keep running into each other and I think it's kinda cute.

Other comments: -Don't ship Throné, Osvald, Agnea, Ochette, or Hikari with anyone in particular at the moment. --Throné I hc as aroace. --Osvald needs some time to grieve. --Agnea I guess could work with Gil or Gus or Giselle but the chemistry there felt more platonic to me. Unless you want to group the three of them together and they could be a polycule going by the name "Aggie's Gs" --Ochette's best chemistry is with her animal friends and/or a big slab of red meat. There's maybe something to be done with her and Cohazeh but the two barely interact. --Hikari is the character I was personally least interested in, so while I guess he has some chemistry with Zeto and/or Rai Mei and a forbidden ship with Kazan, it's not really at the forefront of my mind.

-Compared to the first OT, I feel like the characters fit together more as true companions and less as love interests. But the bit players in each character's individual story have a lot more going on and that's something I appreciate.

[acephysicskarkat]

did you think I was going to stop ranting about sp0p’s problems just because it’s a new year? thought i was going to make a clean break? tough fucking luck babes! today’s ramble is on That Thing You Like That Is Also Toxic, a thing that, for example, @adora-deserves-better has been seeing in the old ask box this evening.

as a courtesy note, as I’ve picked up one or two non-pornbot follows from people fleeing the birdsite implosion, if you do not want to see this stuff, please take this opportunity to blacklist “#spopcrit”, which has been my tag for this ongoing narrative and thematic autopsy for at least a year now. I promise that I don’t actually discuss this very often, I think at this point I’ve mostly said what I need to say (hell, even this is kind of a rehash of points I’ve made before, I just can’t be fucked tracking down those posts), but sometimes I do feel the need to dissect another organ to further look into what went wrong.

Anyway.

So the thing about fiction is that sometimes fictional romances are toxic. This is not, in itself, a problem; what matters is the handling of the toxicity.

As a case study, let’s look at the distinguished connoisseur’s enemies-to-lovers arc set in a science fantasy setting with a religious space empire and starring a lesbian with a big sword and a mysterious past, the Locked Tomb. Gideon and Harrow’s relationship is an unhinged mess of cosmic proportions. Harrow literally invented an entirely new way of having an unhealthy relationship just for this romance, and it involved brain surgery, which she performed on herself, at seventeen.

However.

The bit where this holds together is that the messiness and toxicity and general fuckery of the relationship is not an error on Tamsyn Muir’s part. It is a part of the narrative that Muir talks about in interviews. Exploring the mess and how it unfolds is a noticeable part of the plot.

It is, essentially, supposed to be kinda fucked.

This is where SP0P runs into its final season problems, because the framing and narrative treatment is not that this relationship is kinda fucked; it’s supposed to be Big and Heartwarming and they will beat you to death with scenes of them in Elysian-esque fields under golden light to make sure you know that...but that meshes poorly with the prior parts of the story, because as of S2-S3, this relationship was absolutely kinda fucked, there are entire episodes about how and why it’s kinda fucked, and, no matter what S5 thinks, it takes more than one apology to fix that.

The romance doesn’t work as narrative or thematic payoff because the show was previously making a big deal about themes that the romance actively harms, and the transition between the two stages is not smooth and does not feel natural. “The point of C*tra’s story is to explore what happens when you’re the toxic friend” meshes poorly with a final season that is all about everyone hastily forgiving C*tra for being the toxic friend and the people she hurt being stripped of agency to avoid any discomfort for the writers. “Abuse is bad” is absolutely a smart thing to say, but you lose a lot of points when you throw in “but also, the things my favourite character does that are totally indistinguishable from abuse are fine and romantic, actually.” They put in an actually really good episode about how C*tra’s obsession with Adora is wildly unhealthy and harmful to them both, and that she should just move on and let go, and then paid off absolutely none of that foreshadowing because it might make the shippers sad. Hell, Stevenson put “Learn to Let Go” on a C*tra playlist and then wrote an endgame about rewarding C*tra for not learning to let go!

The reason why C*tradora grinds my gears where, say, Griddlehark doesn’t is that Griddlehark is about taking a toxic mess, acknowledging that it’s a toxic mess and exploring how that toxic mess develops, and C*tradora is about taking a toxic mess, rushing through a kinda bad redemption arc that doesn’t meaningfully address the toxicity of the mess, and then just declaring it to be Officially Fine Now so that the showrunner’s favourite character can have a happy ending to a tremendously disappointing character arc.

(Also the pacing is bad and it ends up killing all the foreshadowing for actual interesting things the show had been doing in order to focus on C*tra whining about not being forgiven fast enough and how everything is still Adora’s fault, a thing that is vastly less sympathetic than the writers seem to think it is, but as ever, one crisis at a time!)

[leam1983]

On the Marketplace of Ideas

Watching ContraPoints before bed, and I'm thinking she might - unfortunately - be right about polarized reactions.

She opens with Anita Bryant, who went on an anti-LGBTQA campaign in the seventies, concerned as she was "for America's children". In interviews, she'd claim that she actually loved gays and lesbians - enough to try and "save" them from their supposedly mortiferous ways.

It's hatred, yes, but phrased in a grating, faux-gentle and caring sort of way that probably felt like nails on a chalkboard. Compare and contrast with the way the community responded.

We're talking protests, picketing events, novelty toilet paper with her face printed on it, rotten fruits, dead cockroaches and human feces being mailed to her, her entire campaign as a promoter of Florida's citrus exports ground to a screeching halt and becoming a meme before memes existed as we know them. Bars both hetero and gay-friendly stopped serving orange juice-based cocktails because their association with OJ and Bryant was too toxic for business.

Her career was torpedoed. The El Gee Bee Tea went nuclear, more or less, some three generations before we fine folks would pioneer the Kung Pow Penis meme on the Hellsite.

In terms of actions taken, the essayist argues, there's not much difference between pro-somethings and anti-somethings. It ultimately boils down to one group trying to harm another because tempers run too hot and either group is convinced words have run their course.

In the modern day, CP equates that to JK Rowling. She, too, has been torpedoed, excoriated, vilified, mocked, jeered at and summarily ridiculed - and she more than certainly aided and abetted groups that did the very same to the LGBTQA community.

If the only distinction between two groups is who targets who, seeing as both groups have their avenues of civil discourse, their academic studies, their trench warfare scenarios and their stated victory conditions - then how do we distinguish them based on their actions?

It really makes you think: LGBTQA rights are backpedaling across the US and far scarier people are actively trying to campaign against us across Canada and America.

What's Rowling done, in comparison? She's written some books, Tweeted some shit, donated some money to asshats that don't even have so much as have national support in her home turf of Great Britain, and, oh - had her period in the limelight where her stuff was perceived as just harmless enough to give Frodo Baggins, Gandalf and a couple Uruk-Hai a case of the cold sweats.

And that period has more than likely passed, judging by the middling reactions to HBO's announcement of a 10-season epic focused on everyone's formerly favorite Gentleman Scholar in-training.

I'm not criticizing, mind you; I'm genuinely asking: Is the whole kerfuffle around Rowling much ado about nothing, at the end of the day? Even recent book critics admit her stuff's lost her lustre! Why do you think Pottermore and the Wizarding World project leads are so eager to shove more Potter down our throats? It's her one calling card and her single strongest breadline, after all!

Plus, imagine a situation where everyone on our side of the controversy behaved as sedately as the figureheads calmly explaining they were fighting for human rights on Prime Time television. Would the gays and lesbians have had an easier time at acceptance if they'd let one-off and self-professed crusaders have their day while they focused on the battles needing to be fought in the halls of power or the minds of the many?

Later on, Natalie tracks down Noah, her fellow unfortunate cited opposing party in Megan Phelps-Roper's The Witch Trials of J.K. Rowling. Even he, as a trans man, admits that more good is concretely made in focusing on what can be done in order to offer shelter, protection and care to those in the community. Openly confronting TERFS, in a sense, is somewhat less productive, in his eyes, than regrouping and strengthening our efforts at acceptance.

You have to admit; watching the bigots flail and tear their shirts open when you're just - standing there is fairly satisfying a thing, in its own right...

The only winning move is not to play - and I sometimes wish my own peers would stop giving into bigots' games. Let them play on their own, hm?

[cleromancy]

I don't know if anyone has ever asked you before, but what are your thoughts regarding the crack ship Jason x Rose (Sorry, for some reason my shift button refuses to let me input a question mark).

ok so to start with. i only just started reading comics again after giving up on them for nearly 10 years, and most of what ive been reading or rereading is old stuff. and i have no plans to actually read new batbooks as a whole (with a few exceptions), the stuff ive been reading is nonbat stuff. SO i don't know anything about rose and jasons canon interactions, and my interpretations of both their characters are entirely from the pre-reboot era.

THAT SAID. initial thought is always "has potential, but theyre so alike that the writer would have to really work to distinguish them from each other in order for both characters to bring something interesting out in each other."

second thought is always "jasons mostly gay and rose is mostly a lesbian and while that wouldn't stop either of them from making bad sexual decisions together (and tbh theres precedent in the hypersexual/'i want to have sex because im angry at my dad' department for both of them)... what if instead of kissing they did stuff like blow up buildings or whatever"

third thought is my ideal is that theyre in a V-shaped triad with eddie bloomberg where they start out fucking hating each other and being huge bitches but begrudgingly trying to play nice for eddies sake but then gradually getting used to each other... eddie fucking forgor to put jason in the bathroom for a while when he introduced him to rose to let them sniff each other through tje door first and he's still dealing with the consequences of that 10 years later

[a-casual-egg]

A oneshot where Dob calls the lesbians for help

——

Dob quickly shuts the door behind him, it would slam if he shut it any faster. He takes a few steps but then stops as he really doesn't know what to do. He's standing in the middle of his living room absolutely drenched and holding a cardboard box in his hands. He calls out for Egbert but the response is silence.

Dob places the box on the floor and heads to the bathroom for towels. He then grabs some food and water and put them in small dishes. He returns to the box and the absolutely teeny figure in the box has barely moved an inch. Dob places the food and water dishes in the box and crouches down to watch quietly for a little while before trying to dry the tiny figure.

—

Egbert pushes open the front door and carefully shuts it behind him, he's about to say something of a "honey, I'm home" effect until he hears sobbing. He quickly makes his way to Dob's side who grabs onto Egbert's thigh and cries into it.

"She's so tinyyyyyyyy!!!!" Dob says through sobs.

"Uh, who's so tiny?"

Dob doesn't say anything, half of Egbert thinks it's because Dob's words just can't get through his sobs. Instead Dob just points at the cardboard box on the floor and the figure in the corner of thr box, small and shaking. At first Egbert can't really distinguish what it is but then it hisses at him. It's an absolutely teeny kitten.

Egbert kneels down next to Dob who grabs onto Egbert's neck next and holds him close. Egbert reaches out tentatively to let the kitten at least sniff him but then the kitten turns the hissing meter up to 11 and hisses at Egbert even more and stomps her little feet. Egbert retracts his hand and moves it to Dob's back to rub small circles there.

"Did you feed her?"

"Yes! And I tried to dry her but she kept hissing at me!"

"She's probably just scared, Dob, really scared by the looks of it."

"Yeah! But I don't know what to doooooo!"

The two men sit there for a bit in silence before looking at each other and going "Merilwen."

—

Merilwen breathes in and out, she's comfy meditating with a certain tiefling bear next to her. She cracks one eye open at the sudden sound of her phone ringing and Prudence groans at her waking.

Merilwen grabs her phone and is greeted by a photo of Dob he took on her phone. She answers his call and before she can say hello Dob starts rambling. It's something abt someone tiny and sopping wet and terrified. She thinks she hears kitten somewhere in there.

She's able to calm down Dob enough for him to actually talk through what's happening. He found a cat on the side of the road and couldn't just leave her behind because he'd never be able to forgive himself and because she's a little baby. Then he brought her home and brought her food and water then tried to dry her but she was so terrified and hissed at him so much. Then Egbert came home and he isn't entirely sure what to do either.

"Ok, Dob, if Egbert is home can't he just talk to the kitten? Y'know, Speak with Animals?"

Dob is silent on the line for a while before just letting out a really long "oooooooohhh". He thanks Merilwen then hangs up and Merilwen gets back to her meditating. Prudence's bear form snuggles closer to Merilwen as well.

—

Dob places his head on Egbert's shoulder and wraps his arms around Egbert as Egbert speaks with the little kitten. It's cute hearing a giant golden dragonborn meowing to a little kitten and the little kitten meowing back. Dob has no clue what's happening in their little conversation but Egbert reaches out his hand again and the little kitten sniffs it. She feels the warmth from Egbert's hand and headbutts into it and Dob feels like his heart is gonna explode from these cuties being cute. Egbert and the kitten meow back and forth some more and Dob falls asleep from relief and from Egbert's comfy presence and warmth radiating off him.

—

"Mrow, mrow, mrow, mrow, mrow, mrow, mrow, mrow-"

Dob opens one eye to see his alarm clock of a cat looking down at him. It's been years now since they got her and she's firmly made her place in the family. Egbert and Dob picked the name Juliet for her and she seemed to agree to it. Now that Juliet is older Dob and Egbert can tell she's not a regular domestic cat but instead a fluffy wild cat who needs so much affection and attention.

Juliet baps Dob on his face because he's taking too long to get out of bed apparently. Dob sits up, stretches his arms up, and yawns. Juliet sits on Dob's lap and headbutts his chest because she decides she wants affection actually and Dob obliges with little scritches under her chin. She then goes to Egbert and flops on top of him.

She meows at him and he lazily pets her head. Juliet nuzzles under Egbert's big hand and purrs. Juliet is very content by Egbert petting her and he's started to give her little kisses as well. She's a daddy's girl and while she has two dads Dob thinks she prefers her walking radiator of a dad. So he takes this time to go make some breakfast. He pats Dogbert's head to see if he wants to come with but he seems content snoozing for a while longer.

Dob sleepily stumbles into the kitchen and grabs some things out of the cupboards and fridge to make breakfast with. He spends plenty of time cutting up veggies and mixing them in with scrambled eggs. He's in the middle of cooking the dish as Egbert sleepily wraps his arms around Dob's waist and places his head on top of Dob's. It causes Dob to chuckle and boop Egbert's nose.

"Good morning, sleepy head." Dob coos, "Did Julie wake you?"

Egbert, still too tired to from coherent words, simply grunts in response which causes Dob to chuckle again. Egbert nuzzles into Dob's hair and waits for the eggs to be done.

—

Dob hands Egbert his plate and out of instinct stands on his tippy-toes for a kiss. Egbert leans down as well out of instinct and out of love. He places one hand on Dob's waist and the other hand holding his plate. Dob on the other hand wraps his arms around Egbert's neck and since Egbert is about seven inches taller it is a bit of a reach but Dob doesn't care, he just wants to hold his partner. Dob's about to get a kiss right until something or rather someone hops on top of his head and steals his kiss from Egbert.

Juliet meows atop Dob's head and Egbert lets out a roar of laughter. Egbert coos that Juliet is so smart and mischievous and Dob pouts like a child who has been denied candy. Egbert gives him a soft kiss on his pouting lips and it's very hard for Dob not to smile. He pulls through though to show that he really is upset. Egbert smiles down at him, puts Juliet down, and covers Dob in kisses to make him smile and laugh. It works and Dob ends up cackling in Egbert's arms.

—

Dob lays awake next to Egbert who's sound asleep with a certain wild cat nestled in his arms. At least Dogbert is more on his side of the bed then Egbert's. It's wild to think he's this bothered by Juliet stealing an Egbert kiss from Dob, but this is far from the first time. It'd be a lie to say he doesn't love and adore Juliet but he'd like to kiss his husband without Juliet stealing Egbert's affections.

Dob looks over at the alarm clock, it's 2am. He needs to be dramatic about this! But who does he know that could be up at 2am?

Dob gets up and walks into a different room before calling Merilwen. She, however, laughs at him when he asks "How do I stop Juliet from stealing Egbert from me?”.

—

"Who was that?" Prudence asks, rubbing her eyes.

"Dob, he wanted to know how to stop Juliet from stealing Egbert from him."

"That's ridiculous." Prudence says before flopping back into bed to go to sleep.

"Funny, I remember you saying the same thing except Egbert and Juliet were me and a potted plant." Merilwen responds, watching Prudence freeze.

Prudence rolls over and quickly goes "N-Now Listen! That's different-". She points her finger at Merilwen but clearly Prudence is at a loss for words. Merilwen giggles mischievously at Prudence.

—

“Ok Merilwen just laughed at me when I asked this; how do I stop Juliet from stealing Egbert from me?”.

Suzette slowly blinks, clearly not processing any of the words except for utter nonsense.

"Dob. Dob, I love you but you're insane."

"Su! This is serious!" Dob then explains how Juliet stole his kiss from Egbert today.

All Suzette responds with is, “Ughhhh Dob could you please be quieter it’s 2am."

"Su, I can't! this is important! My husband is being stolen from right under my nose!"

"More like on top of your head with that last stunt you told me about . . ."

Dob then goes on to ramble about how that was funny but this isn't the first time Juliet has stolen Egbert's affections. Suzette is only half-listening, she's sitting on her porch watching the world, wishing she could go back to bed with Yetta.

"Dob, Yetta is gonna wonder where I've gone. I need to go back to bed."

“Just tell her you’re talking to me, and I’m sure she’ll sympathize with you about one of your kids stealing you from her!”

“Dob, we don’t have kids. Or pets. We work in a lab, remember? We don’t have the time."

Almost as if on cue, Yetta opens the door and sits down next to Suzette on the porch.

"Who is it?" she asks.

"Dob." Suzette responds.

"Yes?" Dob asks after hearing his name.

"N-no, Yetta was asking who I'm talking to and-" Suzette sighs, "Do you wanna talk to her?"

"Oh! Sure!"

Suzette wordlessly hands her phone over to Yetta who is filled in on the situation by Dob. She seems to agree if her nodding along is any indication.

Yetta does a long sigh, “Yeah, Suzette’s been spending far too long with certain chemicals and a certain experiment ...” Yetta looks at Suzette as she finishes the sentence.

Suzette tiredly sighs again, "Yetta, it's just a frog, it's not gonna steal me."

"Yes, but he's your pet!"

"He's not my pet, he's just a test subject."

"Suzie, we've had this conversation already."

By this point Dob has been put on speaker so he can hear both sides.

"It's perfectly fine if you consider him a pet, I just want you to admit it." Yetta continues.

Suzette blushes but stays quiet.

Yetta looks at her wife stone-faced, "Suzie, if the dragon man can call that magic dog his pet you can call a frog you found your pet.".

". . . fine, Kermit is my pet frog."

"Kermit?!" Dob exclaims.

"Yeah! She named the frog, Kermit! It's so cute!" Yetta responds.

"It isssss, you should send me some pictures of Kermit sometime!"

"Isn't the whole reason you called is because you have a problem?"

"Oh yeah! I mean I could never get rid of either of them cuz I love them so dearly." Dob says as he looks lovingly at his wedding ring.

"Of course not!"

"We'd never suggest a thing like that, Dob."

"Well, I'd hope not!"

"Well, I'd hope my husband isn't serious about being jealous over our cat."

Dob freezes, then looks over his shoulder to see a giant golden dragonborn leaning on the door frame dressed in pajama pants and a loose-fitting tank top, looking both oh so tired and smug.

Egbert then makes his way over to Dob and Dob can hear his sister and her wife laughing through his phone.

"Well, looks like our work here is done." Suzette says before hanging up.

"You didn't even do anything." Dob says to Suzette even though she's already hung up and so can't hear him.

Egbert holds Dob in his hands and sways him a little as if they were dancing.

"So," Dob starts.

"So," Egbert repeats, "so you saw Juliet interrupting me giving you affection and you got jealous. Of our cat. Then you decided to call your sister about how to keep our cat from stealing me?

"It doesn't sound good when you say it like that." Dob points out as he looks away.

"Dob, you are the romantic love of my life and no one could take your place, but by the holy cow you sure are weird."

Dob lets out an airy laugh before saying, "You're one to talk, Mr. Worships a Purple Cow in The Sky."

"That's not the point, the point is you could have just talked to me about this."

". . . I know, I just . . . I thought you'd think it was silly."

"Well it is," Dob fixes Egbert with a glare and Egbert is unfazed by it, "but as your partner I'm going to listen to all your worries, silly or serious, and help you through them."

"Y-yeah?" is all Dob can get out.

"Yeah, and you're upset about not getting more affection, well I could do this."

"Do wha-" is, again, all Dob can get out before he is scooped up in Egbert's arms.

"I carried you just like this on our wedding night, y'know?"

"And you only dropped me once!" Dob smiles smugly watching Egbert's face turn into flustered coppery-gold colour.

Dob giggles into the crook of Egbert's neck. He then rests his head against Egbert's shoulder. Being in Egbert's arms always feels so secure to Dob, as if he's wrapped in a blanket of safety.

"Do you remember what else we did on our wedding night?"

"Not what most people do, considering you're asexual and we're both weird.", Dob says softly, "But I assume you're talking about the pillow fort and the B-movies we watched."

"Exactly, we don't have anything to do tomorrow so why don't we build a pillow fort and watch some awful B-movies together?"

"You had me at 'wedding night'." Dob hums as he boops Egbert's nose.

—

Dob lays on top of Egbert and pulls blankets over him like a cocoon of romantic love and cuddling. Egbert rubs small circles into Dob's back as he presses play on some horror B-movie about a brain that wouldn't die.

Egbert stops paying attention about halfway through and starts to run his fingers through Dob's hair. Dob hums in response to it and flips his body over so he and Egbert are face to face.

"You wanna go to bed already, sweetheart?"

"But we didn't even finish the first movie!"

"Well we don't have anything we need to do tomorrow so we can watch it and many more B-movies tomorrow."

". . . fine." Egbert says before turning off the television and flopping backward so he can fall asleep.

Dob spreads his body on top of Egbert and pulls some blankets over the top of them. They both drift off to sleep soon afterward.

—

"Mrow, mrow, mrow, mrow, mrow, mrow, mrow, mrow-"

Dob blearily opens his eyes to see Juliet looking at him. She tilts her head curiously and starts to headbutt him. Dob giggles and gives her some chin scritches, Juliet purrs. Juliet must've heard last night's conversation because she starts to give him little cat kisses which makes Dob giggle almost uncontrollably.

"I love you too, little one." Dob coos.

"Mow!"