#Saying No

[milkoomi]

⋆˚࿔ a new canvas means a new you 𝜗𝜚˚⋆

a mini series on the art of becoming a better you

chapter 1 | chapter 2

chapter three — THE ART OF SAYING “NO”

learning to say “no” and having boundaries can really lift you up. it brings you this strength that you felt like would have been impossible to have. the mentality and emotional power it gives you can make you feel unstoppable! however, i know there’s a lot of us out there that may struggle with putting your foot down and saying no. and that’s okay! this chapter is here to teach you that saying “no” and putting your own needs first is something that you are allowed to do! people pleasing is a big thing that stops a lot of us from setting boundaries, and unfortunately, it’s caused us to be put in situations or relationships that aren’t good for us. say “no”! set those boundaries! you have a right to do so.

ᥫ᭡. the importance of putting yourself first

let’s start this chapter off with a discussion on why you need to put you and your own needs first.

you can’t give your best to others when you, yourself, aren’t at your best.

this is one of the biggest lessons i had to learn for myself. i’m not one to always call out from work or miss a lecture, but there are days where my mental health is really struggling and i can’t bring myself to even get out of bed. so, i prioritize myself and take a day to rest, relax, and recharge so that i can continue to give my all the next day! people always talk about prioritizing your health, but they don’t always include mental health, so be sure that when you prioritize your health that you’re also taking your mental/emotional state in mind!

you also can’t expect yourself to give others your best when you aren’t providing yourself the best. if a friend needs you, but you are in a spot where you need yourself more yet you continue to give to another person, then you’ll have nothing left for yourself. one of the first things you hear on an airplane is to put your oxygen mask on first before helping anyone else with theirs. so use that same mindset of helping and taking care of yourself first before you go and help another.

people pleasing gets you nowhere

to piggyback off of the previous statement, if you’re constantly someone’s “yes” man/woman/person, you’re constantly putting yourself in a position that makes you their personal doormat. people will lose respect for you and your boundaries if you’re always trying to please them; they see it all as an opportunity to use and take advantage of you, your time, and your energy.

you can still be a good person while still having boundaries! just because you’re setting a personal boundary for yourself and for others that doesn’t automatically mean you’re selfish or anything along the lines of being a bad person.

ᥫ᭡. how to set boundaries

setting boundaries is key! it’s important that these boundaries are put into place so that your own energy isn’t taken from you, especially when you need your energy the most.

know what your personal limits are

understanding what you will and will not accept will help be the first step into knowing what boundaries you want to set! take time to reflect and ask yourself, “what do i want with my time, my emotions, and my relationships?” know how you want your energy to be spent.

be clear about your boundaries

having a good idea of what you need and want for yourself will help you communicate your boundaries. once you know your own personal limits, create a clear boundary that you want to set for yourself and for others.

use “I” statements

setting a healthy boundary is important, so be sure to use statements with “i feel…” rather than “you…” because those “you” statements can come off as accusatory, and whoever it may be that you’re setting a boundary with may not take kindly to it.

consistency

make sure you’re consistent with your boundaries. reapply or restate them until those boundaries stick. practice, practice, practice! consistency will help to continue to reinforce the boundaries you’ve set!

set consequences

people will cross your boundaries, and it’s going to happen and it will be extremely frustrating. a lot of times, unfortunately, people will continue to cross your boundaries over and over again, so set consequences.

i’m not saying you have to be outright rude or lash out on them; fighting negativity with negativity is an unnecessary stressor to put on yourself. create a plan for yourself that will help you communicate some kind of response for whenever your boundaries are being crossed.

ᥫ᭡. practice saying “no”

saying “no” is one of the key things when setting boundaries. you don’t want to go out with people? say no. your boss is asking you to pick up more hours, but you’re already starting to feel drained? say no. a friend is asking you if they can vent to you, but you’re not in the right headspace to deal with strong emotions? say no.

you can always politely say no, of course, especially in a healthy friendship/relationship or a professional setting.

here’s how:

“i’m not feeling up for it right now, maybe when i’m feeling better another day we can!”

“i can’t take those hours on, i have prior responsibilities i need to attend to.”

“i’m not in the right headspace to take that on right now, but i still love and care for you!”

i know there’s a lot of us who might worry about coming off as rude, but there are so many ways other than the ones i mentioned to say no!

again, you can still be a good person and have boundaries. if anything, having boundaries puts you in healthier mindset and can bring you healthier relationships with people! boundaries are there to strengthen yourself!

you have to be firm and to assert yourself. you know you don’t want your time and your energy to be spent on someone or something that drains you more than replenishes you.

ᥫ᭡. final notes

i just want to keep reiterating that you are allowed to say no and set boundaries. too many of us have lived lives where we felt like our purpose was to please others and give and give until we have nothing left for ourselves. put yourself first! i say this all the time: you are always you’re number one priority. it’s the truth, and i’ll keep saying the truth until it sticks for you because you need to know that for yourself. you are allowed to prioritize yourself, your wants, and your needs. being selfish, for the right reasons, is okay! wanting to take care of yourself and focus on your needs is the right reason to be selfish. you’re allowed to want your own time, you’re allowed to be there for yourself before anyone else, you’re allowed to put your own well-being before others— you should be doing so! becoming a better you means learning to put yourself first!

with lots of love, juno 🌷

[ghost-blush-art]

A quick doodle I did today inspired by a cat meme I once saw. I seriously need to start setting boundaries but the thought of confrontation literally makes me want to cry 🥲

This week was quite a stressful one so I’m glad that it’s over 🥹

[talshiargirlfriend]

Day Eighteen!

This scene burst into my head this morning so I think maybe this challenge is doing its job cracking this writer’s block 🤞 and we’re jumping back in at the deep end with a Mom!T’Pol POV

Saying no

It would be euphemistic to describe the circumstances of Elizabeth’s entrance into their lives as unusual. Appalling would be more accurate. Because of this, T’Pol and Trip considered it of utmost importance that their home be a place of safety and acceptance. They could not alter her origin, but they could ensure she had no cause to doubt that she was wanted and loved as she grew up.

T’Pol sometimes found balancing the emotional needs of her mate and child with her own need to maintain equilibrium challenging, but Trip and Elizabeth were very dear to her and worth any difficulty.

Supporting Elizabeth’s developing sense of autonomy presented its own challenges. Several weeks after Elizabeth’s second birthday, utterances of “All done!” and “Play Lana?” and “Lizbet do it!” frequently resounded, as did exclamations of the word most favoured by toddlers throughout the known universe: no.

For unknown reasons, Trip seemed to find it amusing that Elizabeth’s first friend in the Starfleet Childcare Program was Lana, an exuberant little Andorian girl. T’Pol of course found it unremarkable that a child belonging to her Trip would gravitate to the person in any room who seemed most in need of a friend.

Elizabeth’s eyes were anatomically typically Vulcan. However, as T’Pol watched her daughter explore art materials, she considered the possibility that those eyes perceived color more closely to the way humans did. Or, she reflected, perhaps Elizabeth had simply inherited her father’s aesthetic taste.

As Trip joined T’Pol and Elizabeth at the table, a vibrant smile lit his face. He was back early, maximising their time together before T’Pol had to leave for an afternoon meeting. His joy in their presence seemed to fill the room with warmth.

Until he picked up a blue crayon to join Elizabeth in her artistic endeavours.

“No!” Elizabeth said emphatically, shaking her head. A wispy strand of light brown hair pulled free of the barrette restraining it and curled against her cheek. She reached over and thrust a green crayon at her father insistently.

“All right. If it’s that important to you, Daddy’ll start with the green crayon,” Trip said amiably, shooting T’Pol an amused glance.

After a few minutes of drawing, he asked, “Lizbeth honey, do you think there’s any chance you’ll say something other than ‘no’ to Daddy today?”

Elizabeth regarded him seriously for a moment with her wide blue eyes, and then at last she tilted her head and said, “Nirsh, Daddy.”

Trip laughed, “ All right, that’s fair.” He shifted his gaze and raised his eyebrows, “T’Pol, your daughter is a bilingual smartass.”

“In spite of my best efforts, she does strongly favour her father,” T’Pol agreed.

“Ass?” repeated Elizabeth.

A look of panic crossed Trip’s face and he scrambled to recover, “Uh, ass-tro-physicist! Maybe you’ll study stars and planets someday. Like Mama. You like looking at the stars.” He carefully avoided eye contact with T’Pol.

Elizabeth frowned. “Stars,” she considered, “…no.”

Trip burst out laughing.

T’Pol inhaled deeply through her nose and allowed her own amusement to pass over her. They were both very dear to her, but they were also very taxing on her composure.

[pageofqueens]

THE STRONGEST SORCERY

[unwelcome-ozian]

[holly-natnicole]

The Hunters of Ártemis/Diana are CELIBATE!! No romance, no sex.

[intelligentchristianlady]

PSA

[innumerableinterestsofmei]

Sometimes happiness looks like staying home minding your business, telling people NO and doing you

[slightlyaggressiveaffirmations]

YOU CAN SAY NO!!!

NOT EVEN "SORRY, NO..." OR "NO, BECAUSE..." OR "NO, BUT..." - JUST STRAIGHT UP FUCKING "NO!!!" IS A FULL FUCKING SENTENCE AND YOU'VE GOT EVERY RIGHT TO SAY IT!!! YOUR BOUNDARIES MATTER!!!

[changetopic]

I CHOOSE NOT TO CARE ANYMORE.

It damages me more than feeling better about life, people & situations.

It’s my era of “Good to know” but I’d rather protect my inner peace and mental health.

- empath

[ferret-the-overseer]

yo I dunno who needs to hear this but if you can’t say no to them

cut them out of your life

forever

[remembertheplunge]

Jim and I bought our first Apple computer 2/10/2007 and officially entered the world of the internet.

We bought a house together In Modesto, California in 1998.

I don’t do well in groups. I’m too independent.

In these 3 journal entries I’m combing quotes that inspire a possible journal response with rubber stamp prints, an actual stamp and a sketch of the moon to convey the feel of the day. The placement of the words on the page help convey the meaning of the journal entries as well.

I also return to include a margin note months after I made the original entry which changes the mood of the page.

[justmeandmyrandomthoughts]

I rather be a bitch than a doormat

[rainyfestivalsweets]

2/17/25

Started my day with coffee, a dumbell circuit, and some sunwink digestion lemonade.

Idk why I buy this stuff if I am not going to use it.

Use it! You deserve to show up for yourself!

USE YOUR TOOLS!

Things that happened yesterday:

☆ I took the cake bites from the Valentine's date to my partner's house to share and...she put them in her fridge. [Bahahaaha NO cake bites for me, we didn't do back to her house!]

☆ I was asked if I wanted to stop at a certain place to get a scotcheroo. I said No!

☆ I did have a lovely Quiche Lorraine at the bakery we went to for coffee. And a sf coffee. I successfully ignored all the sweets, so my cravings were lower.

All wins 🏆🙌👏

[bitchesgetriches]

I recently read an article from you guys about saying no to family members who ask for money. Well, I followed that advice at first and ended up giving said relative part of what they asked for. I wasn’t nice about it at all and let them know I’m tired of them asking me for money (oh and this is a parent). Said parent then proceeds to guilt me by saying that they’ve sent me money in the past, and yes they have, when I was in college (I worked multiple jobs in college so it’s not like I was sitting on my ass doing nothing).

It’s even worse because they ask for large amounts at a time ($600+) and always seem to neglect that I have bills and savings goals of my own.

How do I be more stern in saying no? My partner sees how much it upsets me when I have to put a plan of mine on the back burner because someone in their 60s who has never learned to make their own way keeps asking for money.

This blows, my dear. It truly blows.

For those who haven't read it yet, here's the article:

Ask the Bitches: How Do I Say “No” When a Loved One Asks for Money�� Again? 

Now you have two options:

Remember that "no" is a complete sentence. Repeat as necessary.

If the guilting gets too overwhelming, FUCKING LIE. They're the one not taking no for an answer, so we hereby give you permission to say "Even if I wanted to, I couldn't give you the money because I don't have it. I've given so much money to you that I'm behind on my own bills."

Good luck, my dear. You can do this. Here's more inspiration:

Season 1, Episode 11: "I Feel Cornered by a Friend Who Keeps Asking to Borrow Money." 

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