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#So I'm like I wanna keep it short but also
lil-shiro · 3 days
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How do you reconcile supporting Lance and being Pro-Palestine? Ever since learning his sister and girlfriend are rabid zionists, I don't feel right staining him idk
I will give a long answer and a tldr short answer.
Short answer: I don't look to any type of celebrity, rich public figure, etc. when it comes to my own morals. They don't define who I am as a person and I simply view them as muses to play with, nothing more. I'm not his spokesperson or representative, nor do I think I have any type of connection/relation to him or anyone adjacent. My advice for anyone into F1 or sports.
Long answer:
First and foremost I will always be pro Palestine if I haven't made that clear enough. Nothing will ever change that.
Second of all, I understand and have no problem if people do have an issue with Lance regarding this matter. Even if we're mutuals or good online friends, that doesn't bother me. I care about the relationships I've made in this space way more than if we don't like the same guy. Talk to me about anything and everything! I have many interests outside of Lance and F1 in general.
Thirdly, no matter if you agree with my opinions or not, I will not accept or entertain hate asks, death threats, or overall nasty stuff. Block me, block any tags I use, ignore me, whatever you wanna do to protect your peace.
Now onto your actual question. Like I said, I in no way hold any of these people to a standard (imo no one should). They don't perceive a person like me in any way, and I do not perceive them outside of this space.
I treat this space as a place to create art, be a bit silly, and have a good online experience.
I'm also someone who's very concrete in my own morality. Me posting pictures and writing porn of some guy I don't personally know to tumblr.com does nothing except give me a bit of serotonin.
Me in my online, personal, and offline life; educating myself and others, sharing resources, boycotting or donating, trying to do whatever I can. That does something and has an impact.
I do not waste my energy engaging in hate or "my rich tax evading guy is better than your rich tax evading guy" discussions. They're all kinda shitty in their own way.
Furthermore, I would never judge anyone for liking/posting xyz driver who has done or said xyz thing, because at the end of the day I don't know these people and I have no grounds to "hold them accountable".
So yeah, as of this moment, I have no problem with what I'm currently doing.
Could this change? Absolutely 100%. I'm a human being and I'm allowed to change.
I hope that answers your question, again these are just my opinions and it's okay if you don't agree. I respect your opinion as well. Don't use me or anyone else as your own moral compass.
I just hope this is all coherent.
TLDR: do what keeps you sane on this site
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greeneyedsigma · 2 days
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Roach, with a headache: Advil me up, daddy.
Ghost: I will short out the language centre of your brain if you say anything like that ever again.
**
Ghost: Subs are so fun to play with. All you have to do is hint at what you might do, back them into a corner with a look, or grab their wrist in a certain way and they're a wide-eyed mess.
Soap: What the fuck kind of Subway are you going to?
Gaz: Substitute teachers deal with so much shit.
Price: Guys.
**
Roach: I spy with my little eye something that begins with the letter “s”.
Gaz: *looks over at Soap and Ghost*
Gaz: Is it “sexual tension”?
**
Roach: We need a diversion. I say Gaz gets naked.
Ghost: No.
Roach: I could get naked.
The squad: NO!!!
**
Roach: How do I ask someone out?
Soap: Roses are red, violets are blue, guess what, my bed has room for two.
Roach: No!
Gaz: Twinkle twinkle little star, we can do it in a car.
Roach: Stop!
Ghost: Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily I can make you scream.
Roach: I feel like the last one is verging dangerously into serial killer territory.
**
Ghost: Look, do I consider myself attractive? Yes. But would I have sex with my clone? Also yes.
**
Soap: I'm going to get myself some soup.
Price: Be careful not to burn yourself, it's hot.
Soap: Pfft, I won't burn myself.
*30 seconds later*
Soap, entering the room: I burned myself.
**
Ghost: The only thing keeping me from running away and hiding from society for the rest of my life is spite. I could disappear forever, but there are some bitches whose downfalls I have yet to witness, and I wanna be around when that happens.
**
Gaz: Good. Thanks, dad.
Roach: You just called Price “dad”. You just said “thanks, dad.”
Gaz: What? No, I didn’t. I said “thanks, man”.
Price: Do you see me as a father figure, Kyle?
Gaz: No. If anything I see you as a bother figure ‘cause you’re always bothering me.
Soap: Hey! Show your father some respect!
**
Roach, to the Squad: The real secret to immortality? Not dying. You want to be immortal? Okay, that’s easy. Just don’t die. That’s it. Refuse to die. There you go.
Soap: But how-
Roach, ignoring him: “But how”, you may ask. Well, easy. Just don’t do it. Refuse to. Say “no thanks”.
**
Gaz, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe?
Ghost: Yeah, sure.
*A few minutes later*
Ghost: Here you go.
Gaz:
Ghost:
Soap: Why am I here?
**
Gaz: Father, I have sinned.
Roach: Daddy, I’ve been naughty.
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so-that-was-okay · 3 days
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I see that after the last episode the majority opinion seems to be that Buck and Tommy did more than kissing already and that they are in a fully settled relationship but I still kinda hope for this all to happen on screen next season. them getting exclusive, calling themselves boyfriends for the first time, ofc saying I love you the first time and doing more than kissing. I think the short season got in the way of it all but Tim also wanted to put Tommy in where he could so the audience new that he is still there. the second half of season 7 did not lend itself for cute dates and new love jitters but I really hope all that development does not happen off screen. I wanna see Buck excited about spending the night together for the first time for example. Or Tommy calling Buck his boyfriend accidentely and being nervous about Bucks reaction. Things like that. There will be drama of course but I need them to be cute with each other a little more before that
Hey, anon!
Ah, so. I have my own little opinions on all this.
At 7x10, Buck and Tommy have been together for an unknown amount of weeks. Months? I don't know. There's something that really makes me want to say they're still in the discovery period of their mutual feelings and attraction. "Having sex" encompasses touching to actual intercourse and everything in-between, and I'm not even sure they reached the stage of "actual" sex. But this is just my little hc, I'm all for them being at whatever stage of their physical relationship.
And it'd also make sense if they were physically fully involved. They like each other, they definitely find each other attractive, Buck is sexually very active and Tommy is making sexual allusions. But I don't know. Something feels like they're not "there" yet.
Also, I want to see a lot of first times too. I'm pretty sure we won't see many of them, but at least the most significant ones. I hope they let them share that with us, and it'd good for the general audience to witness it too. Queer love is often pushed back between lines, it's something that happen where people can't see. They've done a pretty good job so far with Hen and Karen, it's sensual and very loving, and that could work with Buck and Tommy too, to keep it into the rating limits.
You know what? I can almost see a miscommunication between them, like Tommy thinking Buck is not ready yet so he's like a bit distant and try not to engage too much. And Buck thinking Tommy needs time when he's in a new relationship so he's not pushing and suddenly does a lot more sport lol That would be cute, but they're also good at communicating so... 🤷🏽
Anyway. Yes to first times on-screen! Their first I love you will probably end me but hey, little price to pay to see that!
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starrykatamari · 2 days
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Saw Lore Contained Within SAW II: Flesh & Blood
Hello again!! I'm still Kris, and today I'm going to be showing you all the lore bits you can find through collecting case files and audio logs in the second third-person action game that was made for the Saw franchise. Once again I will only briefly be touching on the plot of the game itself since it only serves as a sequel to the gap-filling narrative of its predecessor.
Long post incoming, but if you're interested, let's begin! I wanna play (another) game...
TW: Sui mentions, SH mentions, canon-typical violence mentions and imagery, drug use mentions-- it's a Saw media, please be careful I love you.
Disclaimer: I will not be covering any material that is not directly relevant to the movie franchise this game is based on. If it’s in the game and you don’t see it here, it’s skippable, I promise. This post will also have less trap and film references simply due to the fact that they are mostly just repeats of the first game’s.
The plot to this game revolves around Michael Tapp, David Tapp’s son. He is a journalist, and the person who leaked David’s police negligence on the Jigsaw Killer case to the press. He is kidnapped, put into one of the Jigsaw Killer’s games, and pitted against those David Tapp arrested during his career. He must also save certain individuals while navigating the maze of traps and tests. This game is a direct continuation of the ending to the first game in which David Tapp takes his own life in his apartment. Again, this is a gap-filler of a story, we’re here mostly to talk about the references to the movie and the lore the case files give to us. Let’s begin!
Case File: The Right Choice
A memo apparently written by Detective David Tapp, in reference to the events of Saw (2004). For reference, most of these case files are written by David Tapp– but I’ll keep writing that in so that it continues to be easy to follow.
“I met the Jigsaw Killer, and I let him escape. His price was too high. And I was too weak.
Jigsaw was holding Gordon’s family hostage at gunpoint. Shots were fired, and I ran over to respond. If I hadn’t been in the next building…I don’t know what would’ve happened. We had a shootout in Gordon’s apartment, then Jigsaw escaped and I gave chase.
Jigsaw was a short man with brown hair, large blue eyes. I gave a render to the officer that found me after I was released from that hellhole, Whitehurst. Jigsaw trapped me there…he did…horrible things. In the end, he made me choose; give up chasing him so that others may live, or continue pursuit and watch them die. I gave up the chase. 
I don’t know if I made the right choice.”
The Whitehurst in question refers to the asylum the first game took place in, in case that wasn’t clear.
Case File: Team Members: Kerry
A memo written by David Tapp about Kerry.
“Allison Kerry - I’ve heard stories about how she screwed her way to a detective shield, but that is most likely gossip. Gorgeous, though. She seems sharp enough, maybe a little too flirty with the other detectives. Her file says she’s applied to FBI a couple times, but they haven’t gotten back to her. May need to watch her as a potential leak.”
Case File: Team Members: Sing
A memo written by David Tapp about Sing.
“Steven Sing - I’ve worked with Sing before on the Bilson murders, and he’s the best cop I know. He knows the job, never quits, and has unerring focus. If there’s anything I would say I don’t like about him, it’s that he tends to drink more than most. Doesn’t seem to affect his judgment though. Looking forward to working with him.”
Case File: Team Members: Hoffman
A memo written by David Tapp about Hoffman.
“Mark Hoffman - This guy is pretty quiet, sort of an introvert. Good for unpaid overtime hours, willing to do the busy work. May want to keep him out of the field though; he’s a straight arrow, and won’t be willing to bend the rules.”
Audio Tape: Assignment
Voice of David Tapp about the murder of Cecil Adams and the beginning of the Jigsaw Killer case.
“Chief Jacobs put me on a murder today that I just can’t seem to wrap my head around. I’m hoping that keeping track of the case using this journal will help organize my thoughts, keep me sharp. I’ve worked plenty of murders before, but this one is different.
Victim is Cecil Adams, a typical drug addict asshole by all accounts. He was found tangled up in razor wire, cause of death is exsanguination (AN: blood loss). The murder weapon was a frame to which the razor wire was wound, and it looks like he was thrown into the tangle of razor wire. The more he struggled, the more the wire constricted and cut him. I would most likely conclude this was some sick gang violence, if it wasn’t for two outlying variables.
First, the victim had eight straight incisions on his face, atypical of injuries sustained by razor wire. They are clean blade wounds, but all eight are perfectly parallel across the face. This leads me to believe that the wounds were industrial by nature, which doesn’t fit any gang modus operandi I’ve ever seen.
Second, the victim had a piece of flesh missing from his upper left shoulder. Since the body was in such bad shape, we missed it on initial examination. The missing flesh was cut out in the shape of a jigsaw puzzle piece.”
Case File: Paul Leahy
A memo written by David Tapp about the murder of Paul Leahy.
“Another victim, this one named Paul Leahy. Jigsaw left behind a tape, some bullshit about how Leahy cut himself and how he has to cut himself to escape the razor wire cage. Looks like Leahy didn’t have much choice in the matter; none of us could see a clear way through the wire.
The killing cage looks very similar to what killed Cecil Adams - I’m having Hoffman check into what kind of razor wire they both used.”
Case File: Amanda Young
A memo written by David Tapp about Amanda Young and her test
“Someone survived one of Jigsaw’s sick games. Her name is Amanda Young, a junkie. No known address or family. She’s still recovering from shock, but what she has given us is substantial. Everything about this one was different.
Jigsaw’s usual audio tape was replaced by a videotape. He is speaking through a carved wooden puppet that we later found sitting on a toy tricycle within the crime scene. Sing thinks the reason he used a video and puppet this time was to show off what would happen to Amanda if she didn’t unlock her device in time.
By Young’s account, her ‘test’ involved the murder of a man named Donald Greco. She stated that she had to cut open Greco’s abdomen to find a key hidden somewhere in his small intestine. No body was found, but Greco was identified by blood evidence found at the crime scene. Frankly, Young is covered either way with a duress defense - her life was definitely in danger.”
Trap Reference: Razor Box
A clear reference to the same trap from Saw II! Only this time the victim has to turn cubes to arrange numbers into a code (given by Michael from another room).
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Audio Tape: Reverse Bear Trap
Voice of David Tapp about the device used to test Amanda.
“The Jigsaw device unlocked by Amanda Young is different from his other killings. This device, what he describes as a ‘Reverse Bear Trap’, is mechanically more complex than what we’ve seen so far. The design is elegant. There’s no other word for it. Elegant. It’s a hinged retractor, spring-loaded with enough force to wrench open the victim’s jaw well past the tearing point. I’ve studied it so much by this point I wouldn’t even need the key to release it.”
Case File: Seth Baxter
A memo written by David Tapp about Seth Baxter’s murder.
“I.D. came back on a victim, name is Seth Baxter. He was identified on the spot, in fact. Every cop in the department knew this scumbag - he killed Hoffman’s sister, got away with 5 years on a technicality. Looks like Jigsaw did us a favor for once.
Jigsaw’s devices are getting bigger, more technical. He built a giant pendulum this time, the blade of which slashed open Baxter’s gut. His hands were also crushed in what looks like two mechanical vices. I’m not sure how this one is supposed to work yet.
Hoffman isn’t taking the news well, and I guess I can understand why. He asked to avoid the crime scene, so I put him out to knock on doors.”
Quick aside here to note that I do like the choice of having Hoffman avoid the scene entirely rather than coming right face to face with it the way he does with Fisk in Saw V. It just makes more sense from a character standpoint. Although I do understand to a point that he’d want control over the scene.
Case File: Interrogation
A memo written by David Tapp about his and Detective Sing’s interrogation of Lawrence.
“Sing and I interrogated Gordon earlier this afternoon. Guy is definitely missing some bolts - I have pretty good instincts for these things. I brought in Amanda Young to recount her story in front of him, behind the two-way of course. Told Sing to observe him, see if there was any recognition, guilt, anything that would give him away. Sing said he seemed genuinely horrified, but I’m not so sure. He’s hiding something from us.
Could be his alibi, one of his students named Carla Song. She said Gordon was helping her setting IVs on patients for her rounds on the night in question. It’s not too crazy to think the family man is stepping outside his marriage with a student, is it?”
Case File: Following Amanda
A memo written by David Tapp about sending Hoffman to tail Amanda for information.
“I had Detective Hoffman follow Amanda Young home after she was released this morning. Station doc said she’s good to go, just a little shaken up. The DA isn’t going to press charges for the whole disemboweling element. She’s been through enough.
Hoffman’s report is pretty uneventful. Young got cleaned up at her shithole apartment, went down to the international District and looked like she was trying to score some drugs from a blonde with tattoos. The blonde in question happens to be an informant named Sarah Blalock, so she was very co-operative.”
Audio Tape: Dr. Lawrence Gordon
Voice of David Tapp about Lawrence’s penlight being found at a Jigsaw scene.
“Positive ID on the fingerprints came back as Dr. Lawrence Gordon. He’s an Oncologist, a cancer surgeon. He was in the system because of some trouble when he was 19; apparently he had a breakdown, had to be institutionalized for 6 months. His medical file is…chilling. White male, mid-to late thirties, obsession with human biology - checks all the boxes for a typical serial killer profile.
We’ve got a work address - I’m waiting on Sing to get back from Forensics and we’re going to pick him up for questioning.”
Again, worth mentioning here since I got an ask about Lawrence being the potential patient in the two redacted case files from the first game– Lawrence is canonically forty-six during the events of Saw (2004). I have no idea why they fudged this to mid-late thirties…it looks like they are either possibly trying to have us believe those medical files were for Lawrence when they were so clearly describing John, or moved his age back to fit the serial killer profile better (which does exist and is as Tapp described). Now, I am aware of the overlap in their general philosophy– it’s what makes Lawrence such a good and loyal apprentice– but some of the things in those files don’t describe what we see Gordon act like in Saw (2004). Just some food for thought. It could all be the writers on this game being devil-may-care about ages. 
Bonus point that my husband put forth as I was writing this: why the hell would they redact Lawrence’s name on medical files? It’s gotta be John since Tapp’s game in the first entry to this videogame series revolved around his obsession with finding out who Jigsaw is. Anyway…
Case File: Jill Tuck
A memo written by David Tapp about Jill Tuck and her involvement with the case after reading Cecil’s journal (which detailed the events that lead to her losing Gideon).
“Finding the woman mentioned in Cecil Adams’ journal was fairly easy. What he did to her, to her unborn child…what a monster. There were only six reported assaults on females that night, and only one at a Free Clinic.
Suspect’s name is Dr. Jill Tuck. No spouse listed. Cursory search shows heavy community involvement, not surprising since she works at a Free Clinic. Revenge for the death of her unborn son is a possibility, but I don’t see her stalking Cecil for any length of time. Maybe look to a boyfriend or family member.
The ‘pig mask’ element mentioned by Cecil is also interesting. Celebrations for the Year of the Pig are going on in the International District. Pig mask used for camouflage, maybe? Or is there something more significant behind it?”
Case File: Gordon Surveillance
A memo written by David Tapp about sending Kerry to tail Lawrence.
“I put Detective Kerry on Gordon duty. Her reports have been pretty standard up to now - man works long hours, goes home to have a late dinner with his family, sleeps, and repeats. But there was an anomaly last night. He spent 30 minutes in his car with Carla Song. Nothing sexual, but definitely outside a healthy teacher-student relationship.
If Gordon is manipulating Carla Song, his alibi is no longer reliable. Gordon is back on the table as our chief suspect.”
Audio Tape: Jennings
Voice of David Tapp, about trying to get information on the case after he was officially taken off (due to his negligence causing Sing’s death in Saw (2004)).
“I got Jennings in a corner, tried to get some details on the case. Gotta give the guy credit, he stalled until Kerry turned me around and told me to back off. She basically cut my balls off, screaming at me about how I just need to let it go and that she’s the lead Detective now.
She’s young, she doesn’t understand. She can’t. I will never stop for what that bastard did to Sing.”
Case File: Hiring Adam
A memo written by David Tapp about hiring Adam to take pictures of Lawrence.
“I followed Dr. Gordon from his office last night, but he spotted me before he got where he was going. He knows my car, my face…I’m going to need outside help on this one. Bernie at the station mentioned a guy he used to catch his wife cheating on him…Adam something. I’ll give him a call.”
And honestly that’s all folks! This game is worse in quality than the first, but I really do recommend watching a no-commentary longplay of it just to have the experience. It’s pretty funny at the very least.
Just like before, if you have any questions or anything funny to share in reference to this game, PLEASE don't hesitate to send me an ask! I'm basically a font of knowledge about these two spinoff games. :)
Be kind to yourselves and remember to cherish your life (YOUR LIFE)!! Oh and happy pride!! Bye!!
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starry-bi-sky · 6 months
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I saw a post a few months ago (and damn was it really months? In PLURAL?) that was a cracky dpxdc au where the LOS were making Damian clones but the clones kept getting snatched by ghost portals and dropped into Danny’s lap and Danny just goes “ok ig this is my life now” and takes care of each one until he has his own mini army of Damian Clones.
And I remembered it a few days ago, and now I've been thinking about it again. Because I love clone aus (see: clone danny au, the 'danny is thomas wayne' au) because it itches the part of my mind that loves exploring personhood and the exploration of identity and what it means to be clone.
(What do you do when nothing about you is unique? When your face, your eyes, your hands, your hair, your voice, all the way down to your heart, all belong to someone else?)
(When it comes to nature vs nurture what of you came from your environment and your experiences, and what of you was already programmed into you from the DNA that made you?)
(What do you do to make it unique? What do you do to make you unique?)
And if I could remember who made that post I'd @ them right now because it was their original post that inspired this, but I'm just thinking of if the au only had One Singular Damian clone that fell into Danny's life.
(a read more because im apparently incapable of making posts that are less than 1k words...)
One Damian who knew he was a clone and knew that he was to either bring the original back to base or kill him to take his place, who was being trained the same way but kept getting compared to his original over and over again. Like an older sibling who you can never match up to. Who is still a child who craves adult affection and validation and praise, and can't get it because nothing about him is original.
One Damian who, at six years old, in a twist of fate is sucked through a swirling portal and lands in Amity Park, directly on top of, in front of, or in line of sight of one Daniel Fenton, half-ghost extraordinaire and local hero.
What happens next?
Well, for one, Danny recognizes him immediately. He would recognize the face of Damian Wayne anywhere because his best friend was ranting about him all week about Damian Wayne's environmental stuff he does.
And for two, he would recognize that the Damian Wayne in front of him was not Damian Wayne. Because Damian Wayne was a teenager. And the Damian Wayne in front of him is a child. Six years old.
Getting this not-Damian but also-Damian to go along with Danny is not, not an easy task. The tiny Damian is aggressive, regal, and at this point in time, six years old, barely understanding english. He also has a sword.
It takes all day and a google translator to get this Tiny Damian to finally agree to go home with Danny. It's a miracle. Seriously. A tried and true miracle. And its also only when Danny has to fight a ghost does he finally agree, saying something in arabic that Danny doesn't understand.
Danny flies them both home, carrying Tiny Damian like a koala. The ensuing conversation in his room is not any better. It is tiring, long, and exhausting. Tiny Damian is six years old, and every single thing he says when Danny asks where he came from is met with a poorly translated "that's classified".
Danny keeps an eye on the news. There are no reports of Damian Wayne going missing, in fact he's been rather public. Bruce Wayne is not one to lie about his children going missing, and Damian's secretive behavior and young age draws Danny to one conclusion: Damian is a clone.
He doesn't know why Damian Wayne is being cloned. Frankly he doesn't really wanna know, because whatever organization that did it doesn't seem too pure-of-heart if tiny-Damian's immediate attempt of murder when they first met is of any indication. But he's too busy taking care of his city, that he doesn't have time to deal with whatever shady business Tiny-Damian was produced from.
In the end though, he decides that this Tiny-Damian is not going back to whatever place he came from. Tiny Damian disagrees. It is a long, nebulous problem of Damian trying to run away, Danny catching him, and Danny pulling him back home.
In that time, Danny downloads a language app and starts learning Arabic so that they can talk to each other properly. Damian slowly, slowly, starts picking up English.
In that time, Danny also has to inform his friends and his sister about Damian. Tiny Damian is not a fan of this. That is another argument they have. Tiny Damian does not like Sam or Tucker for a long, long while. He only really "listens" to Danny, citing something in arabic that Danny still cannot understand, but has a repeated use of the word "lieazir". It's the only word that Danny can catch in a sentence immediately, because its what little Damian calls Danny.
Tiny Damian, in that front, is very interested in Danny's powers and in his parents work. He finds tubberware of ectoplasm in the fridge once while they're down in the kitchen and calls it something with the word lieazir in it. The other word is something that Danny later learns means water in arabic.
It makes him feel even more uneasy of whatever place little Damian came from.
It takes weeks for little Damian to finally give up on escaping, and then a few weeks more for him to almost entirely lose his spunk. Danny isn't sure what started it. It was as if he'd been flipped with an off-switch.
(Damian had been so confident that the League would go looking for him after his disappearance. He was wrong, and he is crushed. He is still a child, alone, in a country very big and very busy, where nobody understands what he's saying. He feels powerless, helpless.)
(The lazarus boy who calls himself Danyal is nice to him in a way the league has never been, and he's making an effort to learn Damian's language. But he leaves for hours at a time and Damian doesn't have much else to do but wait in this house for him to come back.)
(He tried leaving, many many times, but he doesn't understand the street signs, the roads, the people. He doesn't know where he is, and he feels scared in a way that he's not felt in the League. Danny finds him every single time, hours later when Damian is lost somewhere in Amity Park)
(And he never yells at him. Never. The first time this happens, Damian puffs himself up and prepares himself for this strange lazarus boy to yell at him. Damian feels like he's tripped on the last step of the stairs when Danyal doesn't yell at him.)
(He can tell he's frustrated by the tone of his voice, but when Danyal lays eyes on him he just looks relieved. He gets scolded on the flight home, but Damian doesn't understand any of it other than Danyal just sounds worried. Not angry. He gets a proper scolding once they get back, with Danyal typing into the google translator and playing it for Damian to hear.)
(This happens every single time until Damian finally agrees to stop running away.)
It's with Jazz's help that Danny finally realizes that Damian was depressed. It's with her help again that Danny tries helping with it. It's like trying to get a stray cat to trust him. And with everything else they've done, it takes a long time.
And it is so, so worth it when it all works out.
Tiny Damian doesn't really like Sam, or Tucker, but he likes Danny. And he finally starts calling him his name. His full name, but his name nonetheless. Danny doesn't bother correcting him. He's not looking a gift horse in the mouth. And it's endearing hearing Damian call him Danyal.
Damian in this time, also begins to take more initiative into learning English. And they teach each other words they know. Danny buys flash cards and writes the english alphabet on them, and then finds a book on arabic to teach himself and Damian. Sam and Tucker and Jazz start learning as well.
And then when Danny knows enough arabic and Damian knows enough english, and Damian trusts Danny, Damian tells him he's a clone. It's a quiet moment, late at night when Danny takes Damian up to the ops center to look at what stars they could see through the light pollution.
It'd be very easy for Danny to tell him, "I know. I could tell from the start.". He doesn't, it's not the time nor the place, and Danny's matured enough to know when to open his mouth and when to keep it shut. He lets Damian, almost seven now, tell him that he's a clone of Damian Wayne. Lets him tell him why he was made, what his purpose was.
(Danny will need a minute later to process the fact that Damian Wayne originally came from some kind of... assassin league with an obsession with immortality. But he's focused on Damian.)
In the end, he puts an arm around Damian Wayne's clone and pulls him into his side. Thanks him for trusting him, it must've been hard to tell him, that he's brave for being able to. And if he wants to, they can find a way to get into contact with the Waynes and let Wayne know about him.
Damian hides his face in Danny's ribs and holds him tight, and tells him he doesn't want to. Danny leaves it at that.
Perhaps it would be more morally ethical to alert Damian Wayne that there was a clone of him running around, that his... uh, grandfather was making clones of him. Hell, Danny would have liked it. But little Damian has asked him not to say anything, and little Damian needs someone to rely on; someone he can trust.
And in the end, its not that hard of a decision to make. Danny knows little Damian more than he knows Damian Wayne, and while Danny likes to think he's a good person, he knows he's not a great one. Nor a perfect one. He cares more about someone he knows than someone he doesn't.
If Sam tries to argue with him about it, then Danny will just double down. If Damian doesn't want to tell Wayne about his existence, then it's not their place to say otherwise.
There's a lot more to talk about over Damian's cloning, like what he wants to do moving forward. But that's a long conversation not meant to be one taken late at night. Little Damian is falling asleep at his side, seemingly much more relaxed than he did before, and Danny wasn't gonna ruin that.
And later he's right, it is a long conversation, and a slow one. Talking with Jazz about it helps him figure out what to do moving forward, and their best bet is to let Damian figure out what he wants to do. So he sits Damian down at the dinner table the next morning and tells him before breakfast that he doesn't need to be Damian Wayne.
He doesn't need to learn all the same things Damian Wayne did. He doesn't need to do anything that Damian Wayne does. And little Damian is seven, and he's smart, but Danny still has to word it in a way that's not too complex for him to realize.
And in the end, what he says essentially boils down to "You are not Damian Wayne, you are just you. Don't be anyone else but you." and it'll take more time to drill that into his mind when all he's ever heard and learned from is that he was a copy of Damian Wayne, and he must act like Damian Wayne. But it'll happen.
It's a hard task when Danny's the only person Damian really trusts and he can't be by his side all the time, but he starts to warm up to the rest of Danny's family. The Fenton parents know of him, it's hard to keep a six year old child a secret for as long as Danny did without eventually having to come clean about it. His parents, much to Danny's relief, are very welcoming to Damian.
Damian figures out what he likes. Slowly. He's six years old, almost seven, and nobody expects of him to figure out who he is immediately. No child knows who they are right off the bat. So like any child he begins to explore. His english is better but still rough, and he struggles to read said language, but the Fenton family are happy to help even if Damian learns words that no normal seven year old does. (Many of them scientific.)
Damian realizes he likes stars, even if said interest is influenced by the association to Danny. Danny is all too delighted to tell him all about them, and in the process takes him flying out somewhere where the light pollution doesn't reach and showing him where constellations are.
Damian is six-almost-seven, so he doesn't find all of them, but Danny helps him figure out the easier ones. He tells him the scientific facts behind them, and then tells him about the mythos of the constellations. Later on they make their own constellations and make up stories about what they are.
(Damian adores Danny out of anyone else in the Fenton Family. The name Danyal turns to Dany. If anyone asks, Daniel Fenton is Damian's big brother.)
(He still refers to Jazz as Jazmine, and Danny's parents as Mrs. and Mr. Fenton.)
He realizes that, like his original, he loves animals, and he becomes vegetarian too. Sam is smug and Tucker is disappointed, but Damian doesn't super care about their opinions. ...he's getting better at liking them, even if he thinks Manson is a bit snobby and Foley is too much at times.
Its inevitable that the conversation of school comes into play. Damian can't stay home all day and he needs proper schooling. So after a long talk with Damian, they agree to send him to elementary school.
...And before they can do that the Fenton Family goes through with legally adopting Damian into the family as Damian Fenton. It takes convincing to get the administration to enroll him into the first grade without a proper schooling background.
(On his adoption form, Damian asks to change his birthday to the day he met Danny. Perhaps its not the most responsible thing to agree to, but Danny wants Damian to find himself. And its not like they know when his actual birthday was.)
And despite where he learned it from, Damian quite likes sparring. And he quite likes sparring with Danny in particular. Danny makes it fun, something that was foreign in his old league training, and Danny never hurts him. It's a lot like roughhousing.
Danny tells Damian how he got his powers, and how his parents don't know. Damian wakes up late at night to Danny sneaking out of the room (their house is not big enough to give Damian an individual room, and Danny agreed to share his) to go fight ghosts.
It's upsetting. Damian knows that Danny gets injured in those fights, even if Danny never comes home until after those injuries have been fixed up. He wants to help, and he voices it, and Danny shoots him down.
It becomes an argument, something that has happened less and less over the months.
Damian is experienced.
Damian is a child.
Damian knows how to fight.
Damian is mortal and fragile. He is a tiny, squishy human boy and the people Danny fights are ghosts who are near-indestructible. Who are intimately acquainted with death but also do not remember that humans are capable of it. Especially when they're fighting.
Damian says that Batman's rogues are capable of the same thing, that he lets his Robins help him fight.
And Danny says he is not Batman and he will not allow Damian to fight ghosts with him. Those ghosts will kill him and it will hurt. Dying hurts in a way that is terrifying and unimaginable and he will not risk Damian experiencing it. Not even Sam and Tucker help him in his fights most of the time, they are not able to. Not in the way Danny can.
Damian doesn't talk to him all day the following morning, but Danny does not budge on his decision. Damian tries to follow him out the next night, and Danny catches him and takes him back. Over, and over, and over again.
Until finally he gets intercepted by Skulker while taking Damian back home and is forced to fight him in front of Damian. (If it had been his choice, he would not have let Damian see it at all.)
It's not pretty. Skulker has new weapons, weapons that hurt, a lot. Danny is stuck between trying to take him down and trying to protect Damian from Skulker's attacks at him and from all the debris being created from the fight. It's with Damian's quick thinking and fast feet that finally helps Danny take Skulker out. But Danny is badly injured in the aftermath.
He doesn't have time to take Damian home and get medical attention. So he takes Damian with him to wherever he has his supplies stashed. He doesn't call Sam or Tucker or Jazz, and has to stitch himself up alone, with Damian watching.
Damian is quiet the entire time, he feels awful. Danny's not mad at him -- well, he is. But not because he had to protect him. He's just tired, and a little disappointed in him. Damian doesn't sneak out again. But he still feels helpless.
Danny tells him that that is why he doesn't want Damian to help him. Ghosts, his ghosts, are hard to fight. They are powerful, and his 'rogues' are mean. They will not care that Damian is a mortal child, if he picks a fight with them, they will fight back. And Damian is not immune to certain ghost powers like Danny is.
Damian is silent. He wants to help. But Danny is right: he is a squishy, mortal, living child. There is not much he can do to help Danny. Not without any gear to do it. Not without any powers to do it. He wants to help. He cannot.
Damian, almost-seven-years old, begins to cry. It is the last thing Danny was expecting, and for a moment he is at a loss of what to do.
Damian reaches for him -- in the Fenton family, physical affection is expected. Damian is getting used to it, but Danny is the only one he likes touching him -- and then stops, cringing away like he only just remembered that Danny was hurt.
He only cries harder.
Danny meets him halfway and pulls him into his arms, situating Damian between his knees from where he's sitting. Through his tears, Damian says he wants to help. He wants to help. He doesn't want Danny to get hurt anymore. He doesn't want Danny to fight ghosts alone anymore. He's scared that Danny will stop coming back.
Danny doesn't have anything to say to reassure him. Can't say anything to reassure him. It'll all just be lies. He's not going to stop fighting ghosts, he can't. He's not going to stop getting hurt, he can't. He's not going to bring Damian with him, he can't. He'd never be able to live with himself.
"I'll always come back." He says though, because that is something he can promise. Whether dead or alive, he'll come back.
When the tears finally stop, Damian doesn't say anything again. He sniffles, and presses his ear to Danny's chest, listening to the steady, slow heartbeat. If he puts his ear to his sternum and strains his ear, Damian would almost hear the low hum of Danny's ghost core, like a small dwarf sun.
"If you die, I'll drag you to the Lazarus pools myself." Damian mumbles eventually, his voice sleep-full. It's spoken in arabic, and Danny only understands half of it.
He laughs quietly, and smoothes his hand over Damian's hair. He hasn't had a haircut since he arrived, it's gotten long and there are curls beginning to form. "Okay."
Damian falls asleep shortly after, and with much consideration to his own injuries and Damian's sleeping form, Danny flies them back home.
It's hard to say, but not much changes in routine afterwards. Damian hovers close to Danny, more than usual. Danny still goes out at night, he still stitches himself up before going back, he still goes back home where Damian is waiting worriedly for him. Damian doesn't like falling asleep without knowing Danny is there.
Now the hard question is: when does little Damian finally meet the Waynes for the first time? There's plenty of ways to go about it, both easy and hard. Perhaps we go this way:
The Fenton family are visiting Maddie's sister in Arkansas. And Damian is dragging Danny around through the surrounding forest. It's his first time being in a forest this large since he moved in with the Fentons. Safe to say he is delighted by all of the nature, and he's dragging Danny along with him.
Danny likes the peace and quiet it gives him, he's found that he enjoys the rural area more than he likes the city. He's happy to let Damian point out every plant he recognizes, even if some of it is in arabic.
They walk around all day until Damian gets tired, and then at night when the sky is clear Danny and him go look at the stars. It's peaceful at first.
On the third day of their visit, Damian drags Danny out far from the house. It's slightly worrying, but Danny can always fly them back if it gets too late.
It's in the woods that Danny and Damian stray much too far from Alicia's house, and from there in the early evening that they run into Batman and Red Robin, both of them in rough 'just got out of a fight' shape.
Safe to say, it was the last thing any of them expected to run into. Damian and Danny had stopped at a small crik to rest, and the two vigilantes came through the tree line on the other side.
It was... quite the staring contest.
Damian, now seven years old at this point, forgot to mention that the Waynes were vigilantes when he told Danny he was a clone. But he was told that Batman was his original's father.
Before anyone can say anything, little Damian wraps his arms tight around Danny's middle and stares Batman and Red Robin down. His sharp edges have softened around the Fentons. But he makes no exceptions to anyone else outside of Danny's immediate social circle.
Danny's arm automatically goes around Damian's shoulders, and he looks between both Red and Batman uneasily. If they were here then it meant that there was something unsafe nearby. Danny did not fight the living, and he wasn't going to put Damian in the crosshairs of anything that does.
"Should... should we leave?" He asks, brows knotted together with a frown. He stands. "Is there something going on nearby?"
Batman suddenly grunts, and looks at him. "It's been handled." He says, and his voice is gruffer than Danny imagined it. Lower. Danny is not all that comfortable with that answer.
"Do you guys live nearby?" Red Robin asks, and Danny can't help but notice that he keeps looking at Damian. Warily. In fact, so is Batman.
He pushes Damian behind him slightly, and Damian's grip tightens on him. "Not... exactly." He says, his eyes narrowing slightly. "My family's visiting my Aunt and my brother wanted to explore since it's his first time out of the city, I guess we wandered too far away if we're running into you."
There's no visible indication of whether or not both Bats reacted to him calling Damian his brother. But he can all but feel little Damian preen at the title, it makes Danny's mouth twitch into a smile as his hand finds Damian's hair.
"Would we be able to go back with you?" Red Robin asks, startling both Danny and seemingly Batman, who looks at him instantly.
"Red Robin." He growls out, and Red Robin throws Batman a look of annoyance.
"We are lost, B. They jammed the comms and our trackers back there and it hasn't come back on yet, his aunt may have the signal we need to let the others know where we are."
They end up walking back with Danny and Damian. It's silent, and awkward, and Danny has Damian walking on his opposite side so he's not near the vigilantes. Red Robin is fiddling with a phone but still can't get a signal.
Batman is silently brooding.
Red eventually gives up and shoves the phone into a pocket on his belt, then turns to make conversation with Danny. "I never thanked you for letting us walk with you. Thanks, by the way."
Danny blinks at him, and smiles awkwardly. "No problem, man," he says, "I'm uh, Danny." He glances down at Damian, who looks up at him with big green eyes, and Damian nods quietly.
He looks back at Red Robin, and says, "This is my little brother, Damian." And Damian peers over his side and glares at Red Robin -- and Batman, who looks over when Danny says his name.
"He looks like Damian Wayne," Red Robin notes, head tilting like he's inspecting him.
Danny huffs dryly, "We get that a lot."
Red Robin smiles at him, its a tilted thing. It makes Danny uneasy. "Where did you say you were from?"
"I didn't," Danny says bluntly, and he really doesn't want to tell them where he's from. Not when Red Robin was acting strange, but they're vigilantes and notorious for their detective skills. If he's suspicious, they'll look into him. "But I'm from Amity Park."
Damian in that moment, peers around Danny again and scowls at Red Robin. Full on scowls at him, as if it were the first months when he met Danny. "You're being nosy." He sneers, his hand squeezing Danny's.
"Damian," Danny hisses, suppressing a smile. Damian jumps like he's been startled, and looks up at him with big green eyes. "He's just being curious."
(He lets his smile slip through briefly, just to let Damian know he's not that upset. A tension leaves his little brother's shoulders.)
"But he is." Damian continues, a whine leaking into his voice. Danny jabs him in the ribs with his fingers, and Damian jumps, swatting away his hand with a squeak.
"Would you rather have us walk in dead silence, Dames?" He goes for Damian's ribs again, a grin stretching across his face as Damian jumps back again and swats his hand. "Hm? Hm? We could just walk in awkward silence for the entire trip back, I know you just love awkward silence, little brother."
(It's funny, saying little brother always sounds so uncomfortable when he reads it in books and watches it on tv. But Jazz always makes it sound so natural when she does it, and Danny finds that he sounds the same too.)
Damian continues to bat away his hands, but it's not enough to prevent him from squealing with laughter when Danny gets a good hold on him and starts tickling him. Danny's grin only gets bigger, and he swoops Damian up with his arm and holds him like a football.
"Is that it? Huh? Me, you, and two vigilantes walking back to Aunt Alicia's cabin in complete, utter silence." He says, "You won't get to hear any of my amazing jokes."
Damian's wriggling, trying to pound on Danny's ribs, he's giggling uncontrollably. It's the best sound Danny's ever heard. "Your jokes are awful! Laeazir! Put me down!" He cries, grinning from ear to ear.
(From the side, both Red Robin and Batman tense up.)
Danny chuckles, and through a short series of flips, has Damian sitting on his shoulders. "I will not. You're sitting up in air jail for insulting my hilarious jokes."
Damian tugs on his hair in revenge, harrumphing at him but making no move to get down. Danny squeezes his ankles playfully, and looks back to Batman and Red Robin.
Both vigilantes look at him like he's grown a second head.
....Red Robin looks at him like he's grown a second head. Batman just stares, and then looks away. Danny tilts his head at them, his smile waning. "You guys look like you've seen a ghost or something."
(Damian tugs on his hair again. A silent boo at him.)
Red Robin jerks, "Oh, sorry." He says, not sounding all that sorry. "It's just... I've lost count to how many times I've saved Damian Wayne from the occasional kidnapping and he's always been very... serious. It's just weird seeing a kid that looks like him be... not serious."
From his shoulders he feels Damian hide his smile in his hair, that's another thing they can put on their "Things That Damian Does That Damian Wayne Does Not" list. It started as a joke, but it's been surprisingly helpful for when Damian is questioning himself.
However, Danny is not a fan of the comparison, and he smiles widely, perhaps a tad passive-aggressive. "It's a good thing that my Damian isn't Damian Wayne then." He says, giving him the slight stink eye.
Red Robin picks up on it quickly, and nods.
The rest of the way is spent in idle conversation. It's oddly casual, even if most of the conversation is Danny talking about himself. It's annoying, but he unfortunately understands the reason. Secret identities and all that.
Damian interjects a few times, some parts to talk to Danny, and other parts to throw shade at Batman and Red Robin. Mostly Red Robin, who seems begrudgingly used to it.
("I'm surprised you haven't asked me much about myself." Red Robin says at one point into the conversation. Over his shoulder Batman glares at Red Robin. "A lot of civilians do when they're able."
Danny stares at him. "You're a vigilante." He says, frowning, "Isn't it superhero 101 that you don't ask superheroes for their secret identity?"
"You'd be surprised."
"Huh. Well, no. I'm not gonna ask you about yourself. I quite like talking all about me.")
When they finally reach the cabin, it's late into the night and Danny has moved Damian from his shoulders to his front in a koala-like carry. Damian's fast asleep with his head on Danny's shoulder.
His family was also frantically searching for him, and Jazz sees him first. She immediately turns behind her and yells "I FOUND HIM!". And then sprints over to him, his parents thundering not too far behind.
Both vigilantes are subsequently ignored as Jazz dotes over him and Danny, and soon enough so is his mom and dad. They're all talking all at once, asking him where he was, they were worried sick, did he know how late it was.
He shushes all of them, loudly. And whispers that Damian is sleeping. His family then immediately quiet themselves, and go back to yelling at him in a more appropriate manner.
"Me and Damian walked too far by accident." Danny finally says when he can get a word in, and then he jabs his thumb in Red Robin and Batman's direction. "We also found two superheroes who need assistance."
The speed of which his family all snap their heads over to the direction he's pointing is almost comical. As is all of their expressions of shock.
His mother is the first to regain her senses, and she sighs at him. She sighs! "Only you, Danny." She says, and Jazz snorts into her arm.
#dpxdc#dpdc#dpxdc crossover#danny fenton is not the ghost king#danny phantom au#dpdc danny fenton#i am incapable of making short posts it seems. heavy sigh#this post is open to add ons if anyone's interested 👉👈#this entire au is essentially the song 'Strange Sight' by KT Turnstall from the Tinkerbell and the Neverbeast#This post mostly goes into how danny and damian's relationship develops because i think that's the more important part of the au#also damian's like six i firmly believe he wouldn't know much english#no no he's learning arabic first and then english LATER. if he would ever even get there with the league#iirc all the damian clones liked Danny so i wanna explore how their relationship got to that point. Like what happened for Danny to get eve#getting one Damian clone to like him enough to go up to bat for him? that takes time and patience and i wanna explore that lol#danny's in his late teens here btw.#Clone Damian is a 7yo child and I'm writing him as such because its fun. I thought about having Clone Damian change his name but nothing fi#little clone damian is also A Tad Clingy. Danny is the First Person to have shown him a kindness and Damian Imprinted On Him Like a Duck#i love clone aus and clone aus love me#clone damian and danny are bROOOTHEERSS#i thought about making clone damian's name damon bc its close to the name damian but also i like the idea that clone damian keeps the--#original name and then makes it his own. something about taking the name you were given thats not really yours and MAKING it yours
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theflyingfeeling · 7 months
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fanfic rambling in the tags, nothing interesting really, just me talking to myself lol, okay to ignore or read as you please ✨
#so i've found the perfect prompt list for an olli/allu fic advent calendar sorta thing#but i'm too intimidated by my own expectations and ridiculously high standards to even start writing any of them 😭#honestly these prompts are so insanely cute and fit olli/allu PERFECTLY#like. i'm actually having trouble deciding which ones to use because i want to write them all 🥺💞#but i'm so so scared that i'll just end up writing the same (boring) story over again for 24 times 😔#i wish i could just write without thinking and trying so hard to write a literary masterpiece#when i KNOW it's alright if it's just a silly little story about my blorbos#that's perfectly enough and i know this but my brain's just not having it 😩#also if i were to write 24 independent fics i'd have to keep them short and simple but. that's not how i do fics. unfortunately (for me)#to overcome this i guess one option would be to write just one longer piece with 24 chapters#and somehow try to include the prompt of the day in each chapter 🤔#but i don't want to make this even more complicated to myself lol especially because i'm planning to write AUs for a couple of the prompts#i REALLY want to do prompts (of any kind!!) but i'm just so scared of stressing myself out to another months-long writer's block 😭#fair enough the last time that happened (last winter/spring) i was in a shitty place mentally anyway#and so far i've been happy to be writing on random bursts of inspiration. that's how it's the easiest for me. the words just...flow out#i'm so insanely jealous of anyone who can just create stuff when given any prompt 😭#y'all are super humans to me how do you do it pls spill your secrets#and anyone tempted to comfort me by saying i shouldn't stress myself over this and that i don't have to write anything i don't wanna write:#i knoooooowwww and i appreactiate the sentiment but the thing is i actually DO want to write these prompts 😭#in theory at least. because they really are cute as fuck wth 🥺#the problem is that i can't /force/ myself to write something at the snap of my fingers without a clear idea besides the prompt#and also because i know it can take me days to finish even one story let alone 24 💀#so to even START on this project is a little intimidating 🫣#i just fear i won't have the patience :(#and when i realise i won't be able to finish the project i'll become frustrated with myself#if only i knew how to write shorter one-scenes in order to not tire myself out#but often i find those kind of fics somehow...unsatisfying :(#i'm just a sucker for crafting the context/background for stories. a little flesh around the bones if you will 🤧#okay that's all now i'm gonna go stare at a wall while doing nothing useful for the rest of the weekend byeeee#if you read this far i hope you're having a nice saturday
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essektheylyss · 1 year
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I am writing a thousand words of this wip a day and ONLY a thousand words of this wip a day, dammit. This year I will enforce some goddamn moderation if it kills me (and frankly, it might).
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hikeyzz · 5 months
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#anyway um happy thursday i hope y'all are havin a great day thx for following me and dealing with my antics i rlly appreciate you all so mu#esp all my beloved moots y'all are so so precious to me#anyway don't keep reading unless you wanna know what goes on in my dumb idiot brain all the time#i would simply love to not be in pain and suffering anymore#i feel like i'm never going to feel well again#and idk how much longer i can keep going like this#like this life is not so great that it balances out the absolute suffering i endure#so .#why am i doing it??#i never expected to live this long to begin with which is cool whatever like i chose to keep living#but i also expect to have a short life because of my health and my genes#and there's been some comfort in that where i feel a sense of ease knowing i'm not trapped in this life and there is an end#but so far my life has been that i am in poor enough health is seriously disrupts my life but only mildly disables me and does not actually#pose a risk to my ability to stay alive#like none of my health issues are fatal or life threatening in any way#they just seriously make it HARD to live and thrive and bc of that i'm like in disability limbo#and i don't wanna do it anymore#and trust me when i say i have thought soooooo much on it and am TRYING to make it worth it i am TRYING to make this life livable#i just can't keep living like this and my options rn are very limited#i want to ... so bad yet i keep trying and it just really really isn't worth it in my eyes#i don't know much longer i can hold on. i don't think i want to much longer#hikey#talks from ur local sexy psycho <3#disabled lyfe
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reploidbuddy · 8 months
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Me: I want a casual fic, this shouldn’t be too long.
Brain: We got 3 parts for it though.
Me: Yeah but like 3 short things it’s fine. Or at least 3 not-so-longs.
Brain: Ok but like try to not go insane with it, the writing juice is hard n expensive these days.
Me: yeah yeah.
The fic: 25k words in and not even halfway through
Brain:
Me:
Me: A
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donnyclaws · 2 years
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Tempted to design Tiger crawl home as a visual novel or something. I like the idea of forgoing nicer writing conventions and just doing whatever speaks to me best and that’s generally a lot of dialogue & writing that’s more description, bullet pointing and noting instead of like. Scene writing ect. Obviously I’d have a thousand nice visuals peppered in bc visual story telling is my strong point but. Idk, I think it’d be easier for me, I think it’d work better and my body’s kinda falling apart and I think putting myself through a multi year comic series isn’t a safe bet in the long run.
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jamiebluewind · 3 months
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Oh my god could I stop being sick please? It's been two freaking months and I got shit to do!
#nasty bronchitis that ending up putting me in the hospital#I'm behind in doing real life things but also just so freakin tired#i wanna do dumb tumblr stuff#but i already have a post wrote up with links to all the info on shubble/wilbur situation so people don't have to look 50 different places#BUT I also don't wanna make every post I have time to make about... THAT#THAT'S DEPRESSING#but i said i would and I'm a person of my word so...#it's been over a month since I've been able to make a sound#you'd be surprised how bad it is sensory and emotion wise to not be able to laugh or make sounds when you cry or groan in frustration#I'm in PT too because I was so weak by the time I got in the hospital that I couldn't stand#was literally coughing so hard and so constantly that I couldn't keep down food#lost about 25 lbs in 3 weeks according to the doctors (I'm overweight but that is still a LOT for anybody that's not exercising to lose)#going to push myself today because my hair has gotten so thick and long that it's causing too many sensory issues#also a bit of gender dysphoria just to keep it interesting#the person who cuts my hair is aware of how sickly I am and is having me come in when she hasn't been doing a hair treatment before me#still there's a risk of an asthma attack or just collapsing from the short walk#literally do not care#my hair is thick and hot and too long#let me be an androgynous gremlin!#also my cat says hi (he is slapping my phone like No phone love me NOW!!! XD )#bluewind talks
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nexus-nebulae · 4 months
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Ive gotten so used to not being able to play most games bc of my hands and reaction time n stuff so ive basically gotten used to hitting a ceiling in a game where i can't play normally anymore and need to use assists/cheats so every time i find a game that i Don't need to do that for whenever it ends im just like wait huh thats it???
#cannot decide if Jusant was too short or it's just more accessible than I'm used to so i was able to blaze through it-#either way i would love another game with mechanics like Jusant the climbing was so fluid and satisfying#i thought with my directional confusion n shit i wouldn't be able to get it#but i got a controller and the joysticks and trigger buttons REALLY help with that somehow???#and i managed to get to a point where i was just spidering up walls in seconds#i wanna play more so im actually kind of glad i missed collectibles#this is why you dont 100% run on your first playthrough so you have More Fun to have with it later#i play most games for The Movement (something i Very Much Cannot Do A Lot Of irl) bc its satisfying to Zoom#and that game just has a really solid climbing mechanic its so fun#and so easy to like. make it easier on yourself somehow.#like using pitons to anchor yourself halfway up a wall and then just rappel down to the previous ledge#to regain stamina and then just reel yourself back up to that anchor and keep going#or you can use a piton to just dangle and assess your surroundings#as well as stamina doesnt drain unless you're in motion or under duress (like from weather) so you can pause and look around#plus it's just very fun to climb up this big ol stack and look down and see Wow! I Fuckin Did That!#bc each section is just one real big map so you can fall from top to bottom (of each section)#if you could fall i dont think. the game lets you#cause i tested and if you're not tethered you just do not walk off ledges#which is also nice i like that too it makes me less anxious
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izzy-b-hands · 8 months
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Laying here fighting off my cold (tho i don't feel nearly as bad as I did a few days ago, it's just Hanging On and i think my double shift last night and that talking aggravated my throat/lungs hence the coughing and wheezing today), enjoying some fic writing and watching Dethklok be adorable idiots
and who should text me that she's sick and had to leave work early and she wants someone to talk/vent to?
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automatonknight · 2 years
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what did they put in that indie survival horror game that it has such a grasp on me
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warlordfelwinter · 1 year
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trying to scribble my way out of artblock by not committing to anything
this game is going to make me learn how to draw dragons
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neverendingford · 11 months
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#tag talk#storytime sexcapades#sadness is canceled. met a really cute cool dude visiting town for work and stayed up all night talking and uhhh. other things.#I really am so ready to move. I wanna be in a college town with community music groups and a larger visible queer population ugh.#anyway. the more I experiment the more I realize I'm actually definitely trans and I would like certain bits lopped off 😕#I will literally never shut up about the connection between sex and gender. I'm sure there's some shortsightedness to it#because I'm speaking largely from my own experience with it. so obviously there's an implicit perspective bias there#but like. turns out when you're dissociated from your body it can be hard to enjoy certain body activities.#I'm mostly over showers now. it's way easier to see myself the way I want to be. still things I want fixed. but things are livable.#but yeh. sex is difficult when you're at war with your skin.#also. why do people do poppers. your head spin for a minute and you smell organic solvent for a while. my head spins all the time#like. “it's just like sniffing glue” bro why do people sniff glue I don't get that either“.#“it's like being drunk for a short time” I don't get why people do that either.#throwback to that time someone said I needed to not become an alcoholic and I just pointed to my four month old vodka bottle in the fridge.#idk. there's a use for it. alcohol is a CNS depressant and I love it for that. but only sometimes is that necessary.#anyway. I'm curious to try other substances but I fully expect to walk away going “eh. I don't get what the deal is with that”.#but we keep doing new things. for science. to learn about the world. and to become a more understanding person. understanding is everything#anyway. cool people do exist. I literally said that thing about not meeting people I like and the universe decided to be a joker about it#did I already say that we stayed up all night? sitting on the trunk of you car watching the stars on a warm desert night is a good vibe.#I like getting out of the city and finding a patch of desert to park in and just bathe in the night air. and it's better with company#the end. bye. I have an age of empires game to finish cause I paused it to go meet up with him. and now I have to finish it#ALSO. yeah I know.. vodka in the fridge. I've started putting it in the freezer just cause there's not as much room in the fridge
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