#So the only thing he could thing about was all or nothing either phineas joins him or he's completely out of the picture

[ferb-expressions-for-the-soul]

[kasey-writes-stuff]

The boy with the reindeer clothes and captain america mask part two

The next day you both awake tangled in each other’s arms, you smile and blush softly “morning calla” he nodded softly groggily saying “good morning y/n” You sigh softly and begin to untangle yourself from Calla but his grip is firm as he whined softly and you giggle saying “calla we need to get up and make some breakfast and we need to decide where we’re going today” He groans “But y/nnnnn wouldn’t it be better to just stay here on the couch forever” You roll your eyes fondly “Well maybe for you but I’m hungry so I suggest you let me go before I start eating you!” You giggle playfully nibbling his neck making him squeak and giggle as he scrunches his neck “Eek! Ahhallrihihgghhtt ahhalllrrihihggjhttt ihihill lehehett yoouu uhuhupp!” You smirk softly “Good! Lets go” He lets you up reluctantly and you both head to the kitchen and begin making a simple breakfast of French toast and sausage. Once breakfast is finished cooking you sit and begin trying to think of where to go for the day. “Well we could go shopping I’d love to buy you some things while you’re here” you shake your head at him “no no way you’re not buying me anything I can buy stuff for myself but I don’t really feel like shopping today maybe we could go to an amusement park or something” he rolls his eyes “You’re not leaving without me having at least bought you one thing! Hmm I think the fairs in town does that sound good?” Your eyes sparkle as you nod excitedly “That sounds great! I’m so down for that!” He smiles at your excitement “The fair it is then!”

So your trip to the fair started off with getting some snacks! You each got a corn dog, a lemon shake up and then ended it with sharing a funnel cake! After the snacks you went and played a balloon game where you won each of you some posters and then played another one where Callahan won your plushie! He wanted to try and win you one of the big ones but you said no and he saw how truly happy you were with the little Fuli from lion guard plushie and stopped trying to convince you to let him win you one of the biggest plushies… Next you went walking about trying to find a ride that sparked your guys interest and you finally settled on the cheesy but classic Ferris wheel… The line luckily wasn’t too long and the sun was just beginning to set so in theory normally you would be looking at the sunset right? Yes but in your case no you and Calla were just so entranced with the other, you were desperately staring at his face in fear you’d forget it and he was stuck staring at yours not worried he would forget it because you show your face often but he was just taking in every detail he could that the cameras never seemed to catch… The little mole on your nose he was sure you probably hated but he was sure he loved, the way your cheeks could change from pink to red so fast and how it was shades of pink and red that he had never seen before… The way your eyes sparkle in a way he’s never seen anyone’s eyes sparkle and how just when he thinks they can’t get any sparklier they do when you laugh and he doesn’t know but when he laughs they’re at their sparkliest….

After the Ferris wheel we get ready to head home but as we pass by the fish game y/n stops me tugging on my sleeve softly and looking at me with puppy eyes as they ask “Calla can we please win two fish? Just two! Just so they’re not lonely… I’ll come visit all the time to help take care of them and I’ll send you money to help with their food and cleaning supplies and I’ll buy their tank and all the little decorations and everything they need!” I sigh softly rolling my eyes fondly at them as I nod and sign “Okay we can try and win some fish” They clap excitedly as they lean up and leave a kiss on my cheek, my cheeks heat up and I smile softly as I give the person the money.. We each begin throwing the ping pong balls as if our life depends on it we miss so many times but finally half way through I make one in and at the very end when we only have but two balls left y/n makes one in as well! They cheer excitedly hugging me tightly and it’s like a warmth I’ve never felt before washes over me, and when they pull away? It’s like there’s a big dark hole of cold emptiness left there that I’ve never noticed until now… We collect our fish and head to the car once in the car y/n is immediately brainstorming names “What about phineas and ferb or Drake and Josh or if they’re girls Carly and Sam?!” I snicker softly at their suggestions shrugging “Phineas and ferb sound cool but what if ones a boy and ones a girl?” Their eyes light up as they say “Phineas and Isabella” I nod as we finally begin to actually leave “I like that it’s cute like you” They blush turning their face away from me mumbling “shut up I’m not cute” I scoff softly rolling my eyes as I quickly poke their side, they squeak and jump lightly glaring at me but with no real malice “Eek! Cahalla don’t!” I snicker again and sign “Well then admit you’re cute” They sigh softly “ Fine I’m cute… to you” I shrug softly “Good enough for me”

Soon enough we made it to Walmart figuring we could get some decent stuff for now and upgrade it later on down the line. As we got out of the car y/n glanced at my face and then at my hand and I could tell what they were thinking so I wordlessly grabbed their hand pulling it to my lips for a few seconds and then let it down gently but didn’t let go instead keeping them clasped together my thumb gently rubbing their palm making them giggle softly for a few moments before sighing contently… Once inside we quickly found the fish supplies settling on a decent sized rectangle shaped aquarium, we grab the most colorful pebbles we can find, we decided to also pick out some decorations settling on a few different sized plants along with a little fake log and finally a little bubble chest!

I make sure to grab a few snacks before me and Calla leave and soon enough we’ve made it home! I carry in the snacks and the prizes while Calla carries in the aquarium supplies… We quickly rinse the aquarium and the rocks and then begin trying to find the best place to set it, we finally settle on putting it in the living room setting it on a small table off to the side. “So how much water should we add?” He shrugs softly “I don’t know maybe a little over half way? I mean we do have a lid for it so it’s not like we have to worry about them jumping out” You nod “Yea that sounds good let’s do it!” You decided even though it would take much longer to fill up this way that it was better to leave the aquarium on the table and use cups of water to fill it up… Of course you can’t take it fully serious and decide when almost done filling it up to splash a bit of water on calla as you’re filling up your cup, he gasps in surprise as you giggle before gasping as he splashes a bit on you! He snickers hiding behind his hand and you dump a little under half a cup on him and he squeaks softly before narrowing his eyes and pouring a full cup on you. Both of you are now soaked but smiling brightly at each other and before you know it you’re leaning up and he’s leaning down and your lips have connected again for the second time… You kiss only a few seconds longer before you say “As much as I enjoy this I’m getting cold and we need to finish filling the aquarium” He whines softly but nods knowing you’re right.. You each fill up your cups that being the final cups needed, you add in the special water treatment as calla grabs Phineas and Isabella… He carefully opens their bags and placed them in, you each stand back and smile looking at them, he softly wraps an arm around your waist and side holding you close against his side as you rest your head on his chest…

You stand there together a few more minutes before breaking apart, you quickly to grab some pajamas and begin to take a quick shower… Soon after Calla takes a quick shower his own self and then you each agree and decide to see if your friends are free to finally talk on discord, luckily they are you decide to play a slight prank maybe it could be called on them… Calla let’s you take his main chair as he grabs a second smaller chair for himself, you hold back a giggle as you quickly click call… Soon enough all your friends begin joining they were all quick to say their hellos to calla though they were confused asking why Calla was calling when it was y/n who asked if they were busy or not… Dream and Niki are the only two who already realize what’s going on so they simply stay silent… But for the rest of the group,the group being, Sapnap,George,Alex and Bad, they were very shocked when they suddenly heard a voice and then finally Alex being the one with a little sense realized it was you!

“Y/N THE PERSON YOU MET UP WITH WAS CALLAHAN?! NO WAY!” You giggle and Callahan smiles happily holding your hand “yep! I finally did it!” George is quick to make jokes “So have you seen his face yet or are you still like the rest of us and have no idea what he looks like” Calla covers his mouth hiding his laugh and you quickly mute to allow him to let his laugh if he wishes and he does and his laugh makes you laugh and you can hear George begging for answers but you don’t care and neither does Calla! A few more moments though and you’ve each stopped laughing and are looking at each other and suddenly Calla closes the distance leaving a quick peck on your lips… Finally you unmute “Sorry uh I’m- I mean we’re back, and for your information George…” You pause looking to Calla for confirmation that it’s okay and he nods softly “I have and it’s truly very cute and both everything I expected and nothing I ever expected” Everyone either awwed softly or made exaggerated gagging sounds which made you and Calla blush and then giggle softly, Dream was next to speak “So how are you guys communicating?” You look to Calla and he shrugs softly nodding for you to go ahead..

“Well I of course just verbally talk but Calla does a mix of sign and verbal talking but mainly just sign” Everyone thinks and decides to not make any jokes as they don’t wanna risk upsetting Calla and instead Dream takes lead saying “That’s great, so what have you guys been up to?” You and Calla look at each other knowingly smiling a bit and he presses the quietest kiss he can to you cheek as you say “We went to the fair the other day and Calla won me and plushie and we each won a fish! Calla is gonna keep them though and just video call me so I can see them when I want” Karl gasps excitedly “What did you name them?!” Calla types in chat “Well I didn’t tell y/n but I was thinking of naming them dumb and dumber” You scoff and hit him softly before going to hit the mute button but he stops you and just covers his mouth as he laughs a bit… Theres a collective sound of gasps before sapnap says “NO WAY DID CALLAHAN JUST LAUGH?!” Calla rolls his eyes at their shock and excitement light heartedly and you shrug softly as you say “maybe it was maybe it wasn’t that’s for me and Callahan to know and you guys not to know” Alex whines softly “but y/nnnn we wanna know!” Bad is quick to agree “Yea! We wanna know!” Even Niki joins in on the joke “Yes! Stop gatekeeping Callahan from us!” You and Callahan both laugh and you say “Hey I could really gatekeep him by just ending the call right now to go-“ suddenly you cut yourself off blushing realizing while yea they know your main love language is physical touch they also know you’re crushing hardcore on Calla so they might catch on… And neither of you are ready for that! You’re quick to catch yourself though saying “To go take care of Phineas and Isabella” Luckily most everyone sounds distracted well enough by the names to not realize your near mistake and they just take it as a normal small stutter, George says “But how do you know ones a boy and ones a girl?” Alex says “Yea and how do you know which is which?!” You really don’t have an answer “Well we don’t and we can at least tell them apart because one has a white spot on its head, but yea we don’t know but they need names we can’t just call them fish one and fish two!” Dream snickers “Then just call them white head and not white head” He bursts into giggles and soon everyone else is giggling as well including you and Calla soon after though you yawn softly and despite your protests Calla types in chat saying “Guys I’m gonna go ahead and make y/n get some sleep we’ll try and call you all again soon okay?” Everyone starts saying a chorus of sad goodbyes and a mixture of well wishes and jokes…

Soon enough the call is finally over and you whine softly looking at Calla before giggling softly “Now they’re really gonna think I’m gatekeeping you” he laughs as he stands and holds his arms out to you as he says “so let them think what they want maybe I like you gatekeeping me…” he pauses as you walk towards him and then he swiftly picks you up bridal style “maybe I want you to gatekeep me all night…” Your eyes widen a bit before another yawn escapes and you blush “Let me get some pajamas first okay? Then I would love to gatekeep you all night” he smiles blushing brightly as he carries you to your room and gently sets you down before turning around and shutting your door waiting outside it for you.. You find some comfy shorts and t-shirt tossing it on and open the door lightly tapping Calla’s shoulder, and despite your insistence that you can walk he turns around and smiles picking you up once more and he carries you to the bathroom allowing you to do your business and you allow him to do his and then you each brush your teeth and despite you insisting again that you can walk he says “no I wanna carry you it’s nice I uh like having you in my arms…” You blush leaving a kiss on his cheek, soon after you’re back to his room and he sets you down and you each pull back the covers and climb in… Calla and you both get comfortable and then he nervously puts his arms around your back hands resting on your stomach and you smile snuggling closer to him and within minutes you’re each asleep..

[helbertinelli]

I wanted to see the new Jedi Order AND the New Republic in the sequels. But no, instead we got A New Hope 2.0, Luke 2.0, and Darth Vader 2.0. This is so disappointing.

Yeah, the sequels were disappointing. There were so many better ways to continue the story of SW (although personally I think they shouldn’t have continued it), but they chose to go about it in the worst way possible. They had no idea why SW was loved and they focused on the absolute worst things and then switched to new things when the first thing didn’t work rather than to try to fix the thing that didn’t work.

Like they were for sure that people loved SW for Vader so they gave us a guy who wore a costume that looked similar to Vader’s, but the character himself had no personality, he had some lame motivation to join the dark side, and he wanted nothing more than to stay evil. People didn’t like Kylo and then they were like okay, well Palpatine was in all 6 films, they have to like him. And then they brought back Palaptine.

But they missed the fact that the people loved Star Wars for the story. That the characters in SW were just characters without the story to tie them all in.

Everyone loved Luke saving Vader and Vader wanting to be redeemed. The sequels tried that story with Rey and Kylo, but 1. There was no reason for Rey to want to save Kylo. He wasn’t her father, he had no relation to her other than the fact that he killed Han in front of her and he tortured her and her friends. 2. Kylo didn’t want redemption. Every time he was offered the chance to do something good he turned it down and it was like 2 or 3 times that this happened. Vader didn’t. Yes, he didn’t accept Luke’s help at first, but he did in the end. And after Palpatine died, Vader wasn’t like “Okay, I’m taking his place now. Join me or you’re nothing to me“ to Luke. Vader did want to rule the galaxy with Luke right after he found out he has a son, but he gave up on that and realized that he needs to come back to Luke rather than to have Luke joining him. He realized he needs to make the right decision because his son is important to him and he can’t lose his son. Rey wasn’t important for Kylo. She was literally no one to him. They had no relationship at all, except what Kylo said: “My grandfather worked for your grandfather so we’re a dyad” (I legit had to pause the movie because I couldn’t stop laughing... they even ripped off Space Balls omg). Maybe the sequels would have been better if the two were related (either siblings or cousins). But they were just strangers and Rey just decided one day that she wants to save Kylo for some reason and then she decided that she’ll go back to trying to kill him and they kinda switch back and forth between that and it’s just a complete mess and doesn’t even come close to the story of Luke redeeming Vader that they were trying to rip-off from the OT.

People loved Vader being mysterious and intimidating and they loved the idea of this powerful Sith lord wearing a mask (like the Sith of the Old Republic did). And the sequels tried to copy that aesthetic, but then they reveal Kylo’s face right away and he’s not intimidating at all and the whole mystery around his identity behind the mask goes away too. And his entire thing is to be whiny and throw a tantrum when things don’t go his way and destroy everything around him. I guess they were trying to copy Vader choking people with that, but the scary thing about Vader was that he would choke people but he’d put no energy into it and he’d stay calm and it was kinda unnerving how calm he was when he was choking the life out of someone. This is why Vader was intimidating and menacing. He didn’t lash out like a spoiled child and destroy his toys. He was in control even when he wasn’t and he was calm and made it seem like taking someone’s life was no issue to him.

Anakin’s backstory is loved by people. The way someone who was a Jedi and good became a Sith and took down the entire Jedi order and basically destroyed everything his world was about in the process was extremely complex and well-written and Anakin is somewhat of a sympathetic character because a lot of people can see that he made the wrong choices for all the right reasons (he just wanted to save his wife and their unborn child... children as we later find out). Kylo’s turn to the dark side is just he was contacted by Snoke, who whispered bad things to him about Luke, and for some reason Luke decided that the only way to deal with this is to for some reason kill Kylo in his sleep??? (yeah I also don’t understand why the guy who spent 3 movies trying to redeem Vader and refused to fight Vader and was about to let himself get killed by the Emperor because he was convinced his Sith lord father was actually good and would save him, is now like “You know, my nephew has to die. He can’t be redeemed.”). And then Kylo’s immediate reaction to this was to kill everyone else in Luke’s temple because I guess they also needed to rip-off Order 66 (out of all things that happened). Kylo isn’t sympathetic in this way because 1. He had a loving family and a good support system with Han and Leia and even Luke to some extent. He wasn’t like Anakin who never had anyone to talk to and who had to keep his life a secret from the Jedi and who grew up a slave and who was desperate to save the only family he had left. Kylo’s life was good and they said it was good in the sequels too. 2. He got threatened by Luke and his very next choice is to go kill a bunch of innocent people. He never showed any ounce of remorse for his actions. At least with Anakin, we see that he’s torn apart when he’s pledging himself to Palpatine and he’s basically hurt and haunted by his actions starting from then on. Kylo just killed a bunch of people and he’s going around like “yep, just another Tuesday...“

And aside from just doing a bad rip-off of a story that was already presented in the same universe, they also messed up with other characters that were beloved.

Luke, who never gave up on his father and who even abandoned his training (I think) to go save his family, is now the guy who wanted to kill his nephew at the first sign of the dark side and then his solution was to leave his family behind and never see them again.

Han is a deadbeat dad who left his wife when things got hard and went away on a road trip with Chewie to avoid any responsibility.

Leia is always sad and she desperately wants to forgive Kylo (they basically gave her Padme’s personality for some reason, when she’s more like Anakin). Like I can see Han forgiving Kylo (because he does have a big heart despite his rugged exterior), but giving what we know about Leia’s character, she wouldn’t forgive Kylo. It took Leia a long time to come to terms with forgiving Anakin and she wouldn’t even talk to his Force Ghost when he came to apologize, even though she knew he’d never see him again. There’s no way that she sees Kylo basically turning into Vader 2.0 and she’s like “there’s still good in him.“ Like he destroyed an entire system of planets, that had to bring back some painful memories for Leia. She actually had to watch Alderaan be destroyed. And he killed Han. I know their relationship was ruined in TFA, but TFA also made it clear that Leia and Han were still in love. There’s no way she would have forgiven Kylo or thought he was still good after he killed his dad and her husband. And he tried to kill her too if I remember correctly. He fired on her ship, which made her float out into space. Leia isn’t like Luke or Padme. It would be difficult for her to forgive Kylo for basically turning into her worst nightmare and taking her family away from her and killing so many other people too.

And then they bring back Palpatine too because I’m guessing their thought process was “well he was in all 6 movies that people loved, we do need a good villain.“ And it made no sense. Palpatine died like twice in ROTJ. He got destroyed by the reactor that Vader threw him in and then the entire Death Star exploded into tiny particles. There was no way for the Death Star to be crash landed on Exegol since it basically blew up in all directions in the middle of nowhere in space. Bringing him back basically invalidated all of Anakin’s story because him dying to bring balance to the Force was for nothing. He didn’t balance anything, Palpatine was never defeated. They really didn’t need Palpatine to be the villain of TROS. You could replace him with any other random villain and nothing changes. They only brought him back to make a reference to the old movies and have people watch their movie for nostalgia. But I honestly don’t know who was nostalgic for Sheev.

Anyway, it’s embarrassing that they had a good story that they tried to rip-off and they still managed to fuck it up. Like how hard it is to rip-off Star Wars and still have a good story? Didn’t Disney actually accomplish it before in a Phineas and Ferb special? I don’t know why they couldn’t do it this time around too.

But for real, they should have showed the New Jedi Order and the New Republic and show us how Luke and Leia were changing the world for the better and how they were fighting to keep the world a better place rather than to give us a watered down version of the First Galatic Empire vs Rebels but with worse characters and a worse story this time around.

[kileyrose-2003]

Tina’s Tuesday Night Mini Fic Pt. 1

Word count: Who cares? Lol

A/N: Hi lovelies! I am back!! First thing, I know. You're probably saying Kiley, wtf? It's not Tuesday. I know. Life happened. I've had a busy past few days and a final today. Anyways, this was something I did with @merci-bitch when the U.S originally went on lockdown. It was a fun way to keep me busy and get my mind off of stuff. We both decided to restart this about a week ago. So, I dedicate this to my dear friend Tina. Love you hun and hope you enjoy this! And please, if you haven't been to her blog to read any of her work, go do so. She works so hard on what she writes and is amazing.

Pt. 2 will be coming next week

To everyone waiting on fics: I'll get there. Eventually. And I'm not going into reasoning. But anyways, love you all and I hope you have a great day!

"...This is the greatest show!" You slammed your hands down on the piano keys and breathed in sharply. "God damn it, Jenny!"

"What?" You let a groan and handed her the sheet music. "Look there at that line there. Do you see that note?”

“I can see, can’t I?” Her bright green eyes lost their cool shade of arrogance when she seen how pissed you look. "Not F!” You pointed to the paper in her hand. “D! You hear that note there?" You pressed down on the key repeatedly. "D!"

"Sorry." The red head smiled at you impishly. "No, you're not. This is the fifth time we've done this and yet you still insist on doing this your own way." She sat next to you on the piano bench and gave your shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “Well, I think the change makes it sound better.”

“Phineas liked it better this way,” you seethed through gritted teeth. “But what does he know of art?” You could feel your face slowing turning a distinct shade of cherry red and you bit down on your tongue.

"He must of known something with how much you tried to get in his pants," you mused to yourself.

You rolled your eyes. You loved Jenny to death but how you couldn't stand her at times. You tried and tried so desperately to get along with her and compromise when she was like this but no matter what you did, she was stubborn and so..cold at times.

Sure, Jenny was a bit of a snob but she was a genius when it came to music and you respected that. She was what inspired you to take up music in the first place.

Your childhood was far from easy. Before you even joined the circus, you were bounced all over the place. You never belonged anywhere. From the deteriorating cottage in a small, seaside village in Sweden to the cramped one bedroom apartment in London that no one would dare walk past at night. Your father was no where to be seen and your mother was an actress, always struggling to meet ends meet. She was never home, but that wasn't always a bad thing. That meant you got to explore.

That was how you got to hearJenny sing for the first time. Hiding out in the musty attic of an old Swedish theatre. Even before she hit extreme levels of fame, her voice was like a siren's call. Drawing you in further and further in. It still was in a way. She was so beautiful and even as much as she pissed you off, you loved watching her sing. Like the time at the palace. She was eye candy in that dress, the way it hugged her hips and how the bust showed the slightest bit of clevage when you looked at her at just the right angle-

"Stop it, Y/n!" You told yourself. "She's not interested in you."

Or was she? The way she looked at you when you spoke to Phineas was always with such contempt or such jealousy. You could never understand why though. It was her who tried to steal Phineas away. Not you. He was a close friend who gave you a chance when you had nothing and you never so much as even thought of eyeing him in such a manner. Phineas clearly wasn't interested in her or any other woman but his wife. He pushed her away numerous times. Jenny had no reason to be jealous of you. Yet, she was.

‘But it is of me or others though?"

One could never be sure with Jenny. Sure, there was a bit of a rivalry between the two of you when it came to music. But she was your friend. 'Very clingy for just a friend,' you noted.

'That's normal though, isn't it?'

Maybe you were just over thinking things. Besides, the relationship between the two of you seemed to be getting better lately. Ever since the scandal went public, it seemed the two of you were spending more and more time together.

You were the only one who listened to her side of the story, held her when she cried, made sure she wasn't drinking her emotions away, and tried to help her through it. Even as much as she pissed you off. You warned her in the first place not to seek out Phineas but despite the nasty arguments, the constant bickering she became your friend. Maybe even your best friend. Which you got alot of shit for.

Nobody liked Jenny and you were starting to get the feeling you weren't so popular anymore either. Everyone thought after the affair went public, the two of you would of left. Her name as well as yours, was slandered all over the paper simply because you associated with her. You had been called it all. The ring leader, the mastermind, the mistress to the two.

But neither of you resigned. Yet. Part of you wondered how long it would be until either would receive letters of negotiations to end your contract. But either way, you knew Jenny wasn't leaving without you. She promised you that.

'So maybe she does like me.'

Then that small voice came in the back of your head. 'Or maybe you just want her to like you back.'

Either way, you couldn't let that haunt your conscience for now. Even as much as you'd like to visualize a future with her, it wouldn't work. You could feel the heat pooling into your cheeks as you came back to reality and bit down on your lip. Jenny's hand was lingering up and down your back, rhythmically making shapes with the tips of her fingers. Damn her and her touch! You shouldn't be feeling this way.

"Are you okay?" You shook your head and covered your face with your hands, trying not focus on all the pain you felt inside. "No. No, I’m not."

You felt tears burning in the sides of your eyes. "This isn’t working!” Jenny furrowed her brow and tried to move your hands away from your face. “What do you mean?” She was trying to be gentle even though you could tell from the look in her eyes she had no clue what to do.

“This..all of this!” You ripped the sheet music out of her hand and flung it on top of the piano. “Something's got to give,"

She rolled her eyes as if she seen it all before and stood up, walking hastily over to the ice bucket. "Do you not have what you want?" She opened up a bottle of red wine. "Fame? Recogniton?"

"It's not enough and I don't know if I even have any of that anymore." Jenny eyed you as she poured the liquor heavily into both glasses. "I'm not liked here, Jenny."

She handed you your glass and sat down next to you. You eagerly took a sip of the wine, just wanting to forget everything for a little while. "That's not true. I like you." She leaned in closer to you.

You cracked a small grin filled with cynicism. Maybe even a little bit of hostility. Never had you felt so much love and hate towards someone at the same time. "We could both leave." Jenny's voice pulled you out of your head.

"And go where?"

"Back to Sweden with me for the time being." You noticed the intensity in Jenny's eyes growing and she reached out and grabbed your hand. You could feel her nimble gently squeezing into the palm of your hand. "You know I care for you, Y/n."

"Do you?" You tried your hardest not to sound sarcastic, you were still a little mad at her. But god! How close she was to you. You could smell her expensive perfume, see the slight hint of a shimmer radiating off of her lips. "You're fiery and you don't take my shit."

This couldn't be real. You had to be dreaming. "Jenny, this...there's a possibility this couldn't work." You tried to scoot away from her, a little intimidated by the proximity between the two of you.

"We can try to make it work."

"How?" You eyed her skeptically. "Let me take you out. Let me show you I can make this work." You furrowed your eyebrows. "Why? Need a new fling after Phineas?" You teased.

Jenny wasn't amused by that all. If anything she was pissed but she smiled anyways. Seeming to stoop down to your level with a smile that was sickly sweet. "More like a date."

"And why should I do this with you?" She let go of your hand and placed it on your thigh. "Because I probably understand you alot more than you think." As you looked into Jenny's eyes, you found some level of sincerity mixed into those deep lustful orbs. You wanted to trust her so badly.

"What do I have to lose?" You thought.

Everything. Everything to lose.

"Fine." You gave in, despise everything in your mind screaming not too. "But you have one shot and one shot only."

Jenny nodded and leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on your cheek. "And it won't take me more than once to impress. After all, I already made your career." You felt the hair on your arms stand straight up as her hands lingered on you, gently squeezing your hips.

"I'll see you tomorrow at 6. Sharp."

"Yeah," you watched as Jenny walked away, her hair flowing behind her like a beautiful sheath.

You felt a pit growing in the depths of your stomach. What the hell had you gotten yourself into?

[medusas-side-snake]

Scarred - Chapter 1

Hi guys, this is the first chapter of my new Charlie Weasley fic. It will be updated every 3 days and there are more exciting development for the old fics and some new ones that are happening on my page!! Let me know if anyone wants to be tagged in anything

Megan works for the Order, she has been on a mission for them for over a year. A mission that was only supposed to last two weeks. Heritage means that she is on thin ice with the rest of the Order, mix that with some heartbreak by the dragon-loving Weasley boy and a certain Black family member with a vendetta and you have the following story.

The bus to Ottery St.Catchpole was packed with so many people that they were standing in the aisles. Still, I was given a wide berth.

About 13 months ago, Dumbledore sent me to recruit some reclusive magical community following the rise of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Dumbledore asked me specifically because these warlocks did not use wands, they thought wands hindered true ability and, since I am quite proficient at wandless, silent magic, I was the obvious choice.

It should have been easy, especially since He had just unmasked himself in the Ministry.

I had spent a year with the warlocks. Well, it was more like I spent a year imprisoned by the warlocks. They didn't like that people were trying to drag them into a battle that had nothing to do with them, however, being imprisoned by them did allow me to learn a few things.

1. They weren't interested in joining Voldemort. There were a number of His followers that were imprisoned with me, none of them lasted very long once the warlocks realised that they were low pay and didn't really know much about what was actually going on.

2. Even though they didn't want to join the fight, they were still interested in what was happening and why it had all happened. This was why I was still here. Those that came were useful to find out what was happening at the moment, I could tell them everything else. Of course, I didn't. I had no idea whose side they would choose should the fight come to them, which is why I was very careful with what I told them. I mainly fed them lies.

3. Not very many people are crueller than these people. To get them to believe the lies, I had to pretend I didn't want to give them up. This led to… persuasion tactics on their part. Basically, because they are so remote, the Ministry doesn't try to control them, meaning they have no limits on magic, they have no restrictions on magical creatures and there are no laws on what can and can't be done to prisoners.

I stood as my stop came up, pressing the bell to let the bus driver know to stop and making my way to the front of the bus.

A quick “Thanks" mumbled towards the bus driver and I was out and facing the trees, behind which lay The Burrow.

With a hiss of pain, I set off up the steep hill.

What would normally be a 5 minute hike, took me 20 minutes, but when I reached the top and I could see the Burrow, the pain was worth it. Lights shone from the windows scattered around the front of the house. Most importantly, the kitchen light was casting shadows across the garden. Someone was awake.

I started to limp as fast as I could towards the gate, containing the safety, comfort and warmth that I had grown accustomed to since 2nd Year.

Past the broom shed, past the tree that Charlie fell from to break his arm, past the wellie boots by the back step and then I was pushing open the kitchen door.

Faces turned towards me, too many to count when all I could think about was the pain I was in. A beat later I was surrounded, voice shouting over voices until “THAT’S ENOUGH!” That was Molly. Everyone stopped and took a step back as she pushed her way through. She looked shocked but she wasn't looking at me.

“Sirius…” I turned and was met with a wand at my throat. “Is that really necessary?”

“I'm afraid it is, Molly.” Even though he was talking to Molly, he hadn't looked away from me.

“The pureblood party.”

“I was a child!” I interrupted.

“The pureblood party.” He said more forcefully. “Who did we laugh at in my room?”

“Will it matter? You've never trusted me before, will that change if I get the answer right?”

“Are you refusing to answer the question?” He stepped closer and I could see him grip his wand tighter. He was deadly calm.

“Phineas. We were making fun of Phineas, when my mum found us. Does that change how you feel?” He stayed silent, and lowered his wand a couple of seconds too late. I guess that answered my question.

“Come on, dear. Let's get you cleaned up.” Molly started to gently push me towards the stairs. Neither me nor Sirius had looked away from each other yet, but at the push from Molly, I turned my head.

***

Molly didn’t really say much to me while she drew a bath. Everytime she glanced my way, she had tears in her eyes but before she left the bathroom, she did pull me into a hug. A proper mum hug as we both squeezed each other as tight as we could.

“I’m glad you’re back and I’m glad you’re okay. We’ve all been so worried.” As suspected, her voice was thick as she spoke.

I could tell that she desperately wanted to know what had happened, but she knew that she should wait until I told everyone downstairs. I mean, it was either that or she didn't trust me completely after everything that Sirius had no doubt been planting in her head for the past year. As soon as I had that thought I wanted to take it back. That was a path that I did not want to go down.

After I was cleaned up, I put on some of my old pyjamas (which were way too big now after having to save and ration the scraps that I was given to eat over the past year) and made my way downstairs. The voice of those in the kitchen travelled up the stairs, although there must have been an argument going on because they all mashed together and overlapped one another. I stopped a little from the bottom and tried to make sense of it all, though to be honest all I could clearly make out was Molly’s insistent ‘No! No! I won't believe that nonsense!’ After a couple more minutes of listening, which only served to make me more confused, I decided that it was time to go into the kitchen.

“She woul-!” Molly’s loud voice sounded over all the others, but stopped as soon as I was in the light. Just like all the others. So it was me they were talking about. Great. I mean, at least Molly had stuck up for me. Or that's what it sounded like.

I realised that I had hovered for a little too long in the doorway, making the whole atmosphere even more awkward and no doubt let everyone know that I knew what - or better yet who - they were talking about.

“I made stew for dinner. There's some left. Sit down now.” Molly bustled into action.

I sat awkwardly at the empty spot that she had left at the table. I looked up to see who was there. Alastair was sitting next to me, staring at me in earnest with both eyes. Next to him was Bill and next to him, Fleur, who I had only met once, briefly. They had their hands linked on the table, Fleur’s eyes never strayed from the family clock on the wall and Bill was looking over near the door.

The seat directly opposite me was empty.

Next to that was Remus, he was looking at Nymphadora Tonks, who was sitting next to him and she was looking directly over Bill’s head, out the kitchen window.

Next to me on the left was Sirius, he was staring at me with disgust, his usual face whenever he looked at me. I briefly thought about asking him what his problem was, but he had made it clear what his problem was many times. Me.

Molly put a big bowl of stew in front of me and a small plate of buttered bread beside me and I am not ashamed to say that I immediately tucked in. I don’t think that I have eaten so much in such a short amount of time.

I didn’t look up from my food even as Remus started to speak to me.

“So, Megan.” He cleared his throat and I hummed around a mouthful of food to show that I was listening. “Where have you been?” I found this strange as they were all aware of the mission that Dumbledore had given me, they all knew where I had been. Remus must’ve known what I was thinking as he followed up with, “The mission was supposed to be two tweeks at most, no-one has heard from you for over a year.”

“Went to Tralee. They don’t want to join our side, but they don’t want to join the death eaters either, so that’s something I guess.” I said around a mouthful of food. “Been there ever since.”

“Why?” It was Sirius who asked me this, in his usul abrupt tone that he undertook anytime he spoke to me.

‘“What do you mean ‘why’?” I swallowed my food and took on the usual defensive tone that I undertook whenever I spoke to him. “Have you seen the state of me? It wasn't exactly for fun. I didn’t have a choice.”

A hand on the arm from Remus stopped Sirius from replying and I took another bite of my bread.

“Dumbledore’s dead.” I stopped chewing and looked away from Sirius and down at my bowl as Alastair spoke.

“I know.” I said quietly.

“How did you get out?” Remus asked gently.

I swallowed my bread thickly as my stomach turned. I pushed my near-empty bowl away from me. “One of the women who brought me my food helped me escape.” I never even knew her name and she died for me.

“What happened?” Sirius, as gentle as ever.

I knew that this had been coming, and I was dreading it. I moved my shaking hands from my lap and placed them palm side down on the table. “I don’t really want to talk about it.” I put my head up and met his eyes and as soon as what I had said sunk in, I saw his eyes harden.

He opened his mouth to respond but Molly interrupted.

“That’s enough Sirius.” She used her ‘mum’ voice, the one that strongly implied that no-one should argue. And he didn’t, but he wasn’t happy about it. He let out a scoff and turned his head away from me.

That was the last of the conversation until Sirius declared that he was going to bed, and strode off and up the stairs before another word was spoken. Alastair announced that he was off home shortly after and Remus and Tonks that same. That left Bill, Fleur, Molly and myself. Fleur seemed to sense that it was time for her to go to bed and she left with a kiss to Bill’s head.

Molly waited a few minutes to make sure that no-one was on the stairs before she got up from the chair and rushed over to me. Immediately, I was pulled into a hug and we both clung to each other for a minute before another pair of arms joined and we were squeezed even tighter.

I was the first to begin crying. After being away from my family for so long, and after everything that I had been through, it was a bit overwhelming.

Bill started to cry next, his face was pressed into my hair and I could feel the tears he let out.

When she realised that we were both crying, Molly began to gently steer us into the living room. We all sat on the big sofa, Molly on my left with her arm around my shoulders as she pulled my head to rest in the crook of her neck, and Bill on my right, holding my hand and rubbing the back of it with one hand while he wiped his cheeks with the other.

I wrapped my free hand around Molly’s waist and squeezed to bring us closer together.

“They had dragons,” sobs from me “and they used them to,” more hiccuping and sobbing, “to… to…” I couldn’t get my words out and Molly was quick to turn her body to me and wrapped both arms around me. She began to rub my back in an attempt to soothe me.

“It’s okay dear, it’s okay.”

We stayed like that for a while, all mashed together.

“Where are the others?” I asked.

“They’re all in bed.” Bill’s voice was still thick with tears. “We thought about waking them while you were in the bath, but with the state that you were in,” He stopped and I squeezed his hand, “we didn’t want to scare them.”

“Okay.” We were silent for a moment longer and I wanted to tell them what had happened to me in the year that I had been away, but I didn’t know where to start.

I took a deep breath.

“When I got to Tralee, there were already two of His followers there.” I took a steadying breath and sat up so that I was no longer leaning on Molly, her arm was still around my shoulders though, so I was grateful for that.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to tell us.” Bill spoke gently as he continued to rub the back of my hand with his thumb.

“No, I want to.” And I began to tell them what had happened.

It took a long time and we took a few breaks as they told me all about what had happened while I was gone. Sometime during the night, Molly made tea and hot chocolate for us all.

It was only when Arthur came home, that we noticed the time, about 7 in the morning. As soon as he saw me, he stopped, dropped the suitcase he was carrying and opened his arms. I rushed forward and was welcomed into another signature Weasley hug as Molly and Bill both joined again.

“You guys look exhausted, why don’t you all go to bed, I’ll wake everyone up and we’ll go into the garden for a bit and give you some peace and quiet.” Tiredness seeped into me with every word of the sentence. Tea, hot chocolate and stories had kept me so awake that, now we had stopped, I could have fallen asleep where I stood.

[traincat]

how many relationships has Johnny had? did they /all/ end badly or does he, like, actually have some good ones in there

I wouldn’t say all of Johnny’s relationships are bad. He has some bad ones, some real bad ones, some good ones, some utterly forgettable ones, and some weird ones. I sometimes think a character’s first relationship kind of sets the tone for their future relationship history, like Peter Parker being in the middle of two love triangles and being the hot item in both of them. In Johnny’s case, his first relationship involved his girlfriend lamenting that he wasn’t more like other boys and saying she wished he wasn’t so flaming all the time. It’s a metaphor. But Johnny Storm’s relationship history, the quick and dirty version. For the sake of simplicity, I won’t be including one off mentions of celebrity dates and only addressing on page relationships.

Dorrie Evans: Johnny’s high school girlfriend who, as noted above, hated his flaming on and often compared him unfavorably to other boys, such as Peter Parker. Their relationship ended when Johnny ghosted her until she broke up with him, although they apparently remained on good enough terms for Dorrie to lend Johnny her car shortly afterward. When Johnny and Crystal broke up, Johnny tried to get back together with Dorrie only to find out she was married with kids. And that’s why we have Facebook now.

Valeria of the 5th Dimension: A beautiful blue girl who developed a crush on Johnny when he briefly ended up in her dimension during his Strange Tales days, Johnny mostly seemed awkward around Valeria. They kissed once later after Johnny broke up with Crystal (you may notice Johnny has a habit of revisiting past relationships, usually unsuccessfully) and then nothing ever happened with them again, and it’s unlikely to come back up seeing as Johnny now has a niece named Valeria (after a third totally unrelated Fantastic Four Valeria).

Crystal Amaquelin: Probably the most popular and well known of Johnny’s relationships, and for a good reason. Johnny and Crystal started their relationship as star-crossed teen lovers from different worlds yearning to be with each other, a superhero Romeo and Juliet without the murder-suicide, and once they are together, they’re honestly pretty cute.

(FF #67) They’re cute! That it’s probably Johnny’s happiest, most stable relationship is probably the reason it gets revisited a lot in AUs and future What Ifs, although I personally think the charm of it is in the teenage puppy love and that returning to it isn’t the best move for either character. The relationship falls apart when Crystal, who can’t tolerate the outside world’s polluted atmosphere, returns to the Inhumans and falls in love with Quicksilver, who she later married. Johnny took the break up hard, and he and Crystal later had an emotional affair when Crystal was on the Fantastic Four after leaving Pietro and when Johnny had only just gotten married, but things never progressed to a physical level mostly because Johnny refused to cheat.

Frankie Raye: Originally created by Roy Thomas, Frankie Raye was a beautiful redheaded girl with a deep-seated fear of fire who seemed tormented by Johnny’s status as a superhero. Thomas originally intended for her to be the daughter of Toro Raymond, the sidekick of the original Human Torch, but Frankie dropped off the pages before that could be revealed. Johnny briefly dated a girl named Lorrie Melton who he met while racing, but Lorrie broke up with him when it became apparent he was more interested in a serious relationship than she was. Frankie Raye resurfaced in Byrne’s run, where Byrne reworked her backstory so that, instead of Toro’s daughter, Frankie was the step-daughter of Phineas Horton, the man who created the original android Human Torch. As a child, Frankie suffered an accident that gave her flame powers. Horton hypnotized her to give her flame powers and to make her dress in a golden leotard to help control her powers. Frankie’s powers reawakened and for a time she joined the Fantastic Four, but her deep yearning to be wild and free -- an interesting contrast with how tightly under control Johnny keeps his powers -- led to her making the decision to become Galactus’ new Herald, a decision that left Johnny near suicidal when she left the planet.

(FF #244)

I don’t think there was anything wrong with Johnny and Frankie’s relationship during the duration of it, although I will note that it does the opposite of heat up, so to speak, once Frankie gets her powers, and that they had certain ideological differences that didn’t speak to a great future together. (Frankie occasionally displayed a violent side that on at least one occasion worried Johnny.) Much later, an alternate universe Frankie Raye who expressed feelings for Johnny violently assaulted him in the middle of battle, kissing him before throwing him to the ground, though.

Julie Angel and Sharon Selleck: Julie Angel was Frankie Raye’s roommate who, after Frankie disappeared with Galactus, Johnny developed a crush on, attending the same acting classes as her, although she didn’t seem to reciprocate his feelings. Her friend, Sharon Selleck, developed a crush on Johnny but when she made a move on him he rebuffed her:

(FF #259) If you read Fantastic Four, Johnny will occasionally say he used to date Julie, but it’s simply not true -- Julie does kiss him once, but he doesn’t reciprocate the embrace, and laments afterwards that he’s over her anyway, so. Mark those down at not relationships.

Zsaji: An alien Johnny shared a flirtation and a few kisses with during the original Secret Wars event. Johnny wasn’t very emotionally invested in the relationship, which is odd for him given he usually goes from 0 to 60 on the “now we’re in love” meter. Colossus was very emotionally invested, though. Very, very emotionally invested.

“Alicia Masters”/Lyja: Retroactively revealed to be the Skrull Lyja, Johnny and Alicia started dating in secret after Ben remained in space after Secret Wars. While Lyja would later admit that she got close to Johnny specifically for her mission, she claimed she only originally meant to be a confidante before falling in love with him, but it’s hard to tell with Lyja what you can and can’t take at face value when the character frequently lies. Johnny and Alicia officially get together in Fantastic Four #275, which marks Johnny’s first “sex scene” in the form of a morning after scene where he appears regretful about the night and might even be trying to break off the relationship before Alicia convinces him to continue it:

For reference, Peter’s first published “after the deed” scene is in Amazing Spider-Man #150, published 10 years before this. Though it caused problems with Ben when he returned from space, Johnny and Alicia got married in Fantastic Four #300, although pretty immediately there were relationship problems, including a lack of chemistry. Johnny had 1.5 emotional affairs, the first with Crystal. Later, when he was bodyjacked by Ravonna Ravenslayer in guise of Nebula, who used his powers to kill people and hit on Gladiator because I don’t know, she thought he was into blond twinks, I guess. Though the bodyjacking by Nebula is depicted to be both physically painful and emotionally traumatizing, with it being specifically compared to an incident where Johnny loses control of his powers, and overall a not so subtle rape metaphor, Johnny laments afterwards that he can’t stop thinking about how beautiful Nebula was and is guilty over the fact that he’s more attracted to her than Alicia. (I think the attempt was to make the original story both consensual and straight when it was neither.) 

Shortly after this, “Alicia” is revealed by Ben and Alicia’s father to be a Skrull impostor and it comes out that Johnny never was with the real Alicia at all, her having been switched out when he was off planet. I have a couple of long posts unpacking The Lyja Story -- it’s a long, long story -- linked in this post but I think it’s important to note that Johnny thought he was consenting to a romantic and sexual relationship with a friend he trusted and not with an alien spy who had a mission to harm his family. Not only that, but after the Skrull reveal, Lyja attempts to murder Johnny, lies to him twice about a baby, once in an incident that could’ve led to the deaths of him and his family, and when Johnny specifically told her he didn’t want to see her anymore she invented a new identity -- Laura Green -- so she could continue to be with him without his knowledge, explicitly stating that she knows if Johnny knew it was her he wouldn’t want to be with her. She also used the Laura identity to insult and belittle him, calling him “trite and simple” and “pedestrian.” So when you want to talk about bad relationships Johnny’s been in, I think it’s hard to beat the one where he was raped, gaslit, abused, and stalked. A lot of writers tend to refer to this genuinely as a romance but I think it’s important to talk about what actually went on in the relationship and how it’s a pretty horrifying violation of Johnny on every level.

Alysande “Caledonia” Stuart: After Lyja disappeared from the pages following Heroes Reborn, Johnny rescued a woman from another Earth named Alysande Stuart and essentially hid her from the family in the basement. (They all knew.) Though Johnny implied he had feelings for Alysande and Alysande swore a deep loyalty to him, nothing physical ever happens between them, and the relationship never evolved beyond the platonic. They did go to Comic Con together once. 

Namorita: Johnny briefly dated Namor’s cousin Namorita after they discovered they were a hit with the paparazzi, in the first of Johnny’s “celebrity” relationships that seem more based on their respective profiles than any honest attraction. Namorita and Johnny never spend much time together, something Fantastic Four itself remarks on. They break up off-screen. The comic itself doesn’t make the link that Johnny might’ve been targeted because of his former connection to her, but after Namorita dies in the Stanford Incident that incites comics’ Civil War, an angry mob beats Johnny into a coma. 

Kourtney: A model Johnny briefly dated. This is another celebrity relationship -- and one where they don’t even seem to like each other very much. Kourtney complains about attending Franklin’s birthday party and breaks up with Johnny when the Fantastic Four lose their fortune, although they later briefly get back together. Nothing much to write home about here.

(Marvel Knights 4 #2)

Psionics: A bad girl bank robber Johnny briefly had a sexual relationship with -- before she helped a future version of Sue abduct him to use him as a power source in a move that might have killed him. Psionics later kisses Johnny, but the art suggests he doesn’t reciprocate before departing for a new planet. When they next see each other, Psionics attempts to kidnap Val and kills Alyssa Moy, a family friend of the Fantastic Four, in front of Johnny, before she’s murdered, also in front of Johnny.

Daken: This one is a doozy in part because the actual relationship is in a bit of a canonical grey area -- it’s only ever implied, although the implications are not at all subtle, that Johnny had a romantic and/or sexual relationship with Daken, Wolverine’s 70 pansexual son.

(Daken #4) Like I said: the implications aren’t subtle. Daken ingratiates himself with the Fantastic Four mostly through Johnny, including engineering his meeting with them by shooting Johnny through the thigh with an arrow. (Johnny doesn’t know Daken shot him, but also, holy penetration metaphor, Batman.) Daken later tricks Johnny into thinking he’s dead, fakes an attack on Franklin so he can stage it to seem like he rescued him, and then mostly likely, going by the above panels, had sex with Johnny right after, though again, that’s just an implication. I say this is a canon grey area because, while Marvel the conglomerate hasn’t acknowledged any canonical attraction to men on Johnny’s part, Marjorie Liu did say in a tweet that the subtext was intentional and readers were meant to sense something was up. After this encounter, Daken steals from Reed’s lab, and the next time Johnny sees him (which is after Johnny’s stint in the Negative Zone) Daken tells him that “real people stay dead.” Then Daken tries to murder Reed. I do hope that if/when Johnny comes out it’s revealed he’s head other relationships with men because this is a hell of a first one if otherwise.

Darla Deerling: Another Johnny celebrity relationship. Johnny dated pop star Darla Deering for a hot minute before getting her to take his place on an emergency replacement Fantastic Four, where Darla met and fell in love with Scott Lang. On his return, Johnny wasn’t too broken up about it, telling Wyatt Wingfoot that he was more attracted to Darla’s rock star lifestyle than to Darla herself. Lot to unpack there.

Rogue: Rogue and Johnny dated, allegedly, during the time skip after the 2015 Secret Wars, but we never see it on the actual page, and it’s acknowledged by most canon that Johnny is a huge mess during this point in time, grieving very badly for the family he thinks is lost. They flirt a little bit after their alleged break up during their time together on the Uncanny Avengers team but I have to admit, it can very easily be read as friendly.

(Avengers #689)

Medusa: Yes, as in, Crystal’s older sister, Medusa. This one’s a mess largely in part to the fact that the writer didn’t do the research and backread the Fantastic Four issues where Medusa was on the team with Johnny, where they were actually quite close although not romantically involved. Medusa and Johnny keep their relationship secret, which of course blows up in their faces when Crystal inevitably finds out and is furious with them. I think it’s easy to read this relationship as Johnny trying to latch onto what family he has left -- Ben is in space and not talking to him at this point in time, Reed and Sue and the kids are presumed dead -- in an effort not to self-destruct in a way that doesn’t quite work. The relationship ends with a whimper and not a bang when Medusa leaves Johnny.

So there you have it! The relationship history of Johnny Storm.

[enigmatist17]

Trusted (Martin Callahan and The Captain)

Data never spoke about her past. Most only took guesses, not even Phineas having a clue. Her paperwork was bare-bones, and her history was not included like everyone else's on the Hope. Any questions were fielded or outright ignored, and after a while, everyone stopped asking.

Martin Callahan of all people was the first to get a glimpse into her past.

It was a slow day on the Groundbreaker. Martin had accompanied the captain, shuddering when he passed his former prison on the way to the Sublight office. He didn’t much care for coming aboard the Groundbreaker, but thankfully most people didn’t recognize him. They would give him a look when he spoke, but he supposed without the moon mask they didn’t connect the dots. After stocking up on some ammo, Martin settled down in the Lost Hope to wait for the Captain to finish her business. Several men from some interstellar job were being rowdy in a corner, not sparing the redhead a passing glance. He didn’t mind it, glancing up from his Rizzo’s when he heard the familiar jingle of Data’s armor. Data gave him a nod before going to buy herself a drink, some of the interstellar crew whistling at her.

“Hey there doll, why don’t you come to join us?” One of the men laughed, Data rolling her eyes as she decided between drinks. The man's buddies laughed at his failure, one of the others standing and swaggering over to Data. He leaned against the counter, Data sighing in slight annoyance and looking over, only to freeze in place. The world just seemed to stop, the man leering as he leaned into her personal space.

“You look like you could use some company tonight.” His hot breath laced with the smell of alcohol rolled over her face, Data able to feel her heart hammering away in her chest.

“N-No...no.” She sounded so weak, the man reaching over to grab her by the arm.

“I know how to show ya a good time, I promise~” He purred, either ignoring or oblivious to how much Data looked like she wanted to run.

“I don’t think she’s going anywhere with you.” The Captain hadn’t seen nor felt Martin slide up beside her, the drunkard wincing when his wrist was painfully gripped.

“Hey man, let the fuck go!” He tried to pull away, rewards with an increasing grip that made his wrist let out a pained sound. Martin just glared before his free arm swung from nowhere, crunching in his nose. The man was sent falling back onto his ass, broken nose dripping blood all down his shirt. Martin just narrowed his eyes at the man, before gently pulling Data from the bar. They made it out of the room, Data just staring blankly ahead before seeming to come to just before the security room. The former moon man nearly jumped when she keeled over, hand over her mouth as if to vomit.

“What do you need?” Martin asked worriedly, able to see Lt. Wheeler hurrying over in worry.

“What happened?” The mardet asked, kneeling down beside the captain.

“Some guy at the bar touched her, and she froze up,” Martin explained poorly. “He made hints of wanting to take her somewhere private.

“Damn interstellar assholes...you think you can get her out of here? I’ll go have a word with them.” Wheeler stood, watching as the Captain took some deep breaths in an effort to calm herself. After a moment she moved to stand, Martin, offering his hand as a support. With a nod Martin led the Captain back to the Unreliable, unable to get a word out of her. Data went straight to her room, yanking off her outer armor and tossing it aside before hugging herself tightly.

“Do you need anything?” Martin cautiously asked, shuffling into the room and closing the door. He was still learning about how the crew reacted to certain things, but she definitely looked about to cry.

“...are you any good at hugs?” The question was weak, almost hesitant, glowing emerald eyes watching as Martin approached. Very awkward arms encompassed her, faltering as she pressed into the touch with a sob. For a few minutes, Martin just hugged her, entirely unsure of what else to do as the captain cried.

“He...he looked like my...my former fiance.” The words were muffled against his jacket. “I can’t…”

“What happened to him?” Martin asked softly, giving her back a small rub. He knew almost nothing about her, only knowing she was a colonist from the fabled Hope.

“....” Data sighed, pulling back and rubbing at her reddened eyes. “I...I was never supposed to be here. Be on the Hope.”

“What?” Martin gently pushed her to sit down, going to pour her a drink from the small cart in the room. “I thought everyone who was on was trained and everything?”

“The Board’s corruption stretches far beyond Halcyon…” Data just looked at the floor. “Earth was much like Halcyon...bribes and hard work near death were the only ways to succeed. I worked for Kolway Pharmaceuticals, the parent company of Auntie Cleo’s.” A glass full of wine made its way into her hand, quickly knocked back like a shot. “I was going to be head security chief, and the other who was in line showed interest in me. He...he was so sweet and kind, and loving.” Data cursed the break in her voice, holding the crystal glass in her hands tightly. “He lied...he only engaged me long enough to secure my passage on the Hope, and had...had me forced on board.” Her breathing hitched as she held out the glass for more, Martin filling it with a saddened look. “That man...he looked so much like him that I just...I froze.”

“I don’t blame you.” Martin stood in front of her, Data looking up with tear-filled eyes. He offered a small smile, setting the bottle down before moving to hug her again. “I’m glad that you came to Halcyon. If it wasn’t for you, I would still be stuck as a sad moon man, watching as Halcyon collapsed.” He felt Data smile against him, slowly returning the hug. For a few minutes, he just held her, just glad to help, even if it was just a little

[pixel-cat-1]

I just finished The Outer Worlds

I don’t really ever use this blog for more than reblogging stuff, so this is probably coming out of left field for anyone who follows me, but as you see in the title, I beat The Outer Worlds not a couple of minutes ago. I have some thoughts I’d like to talk about while their fresh, and this is as good a place as any to do that lol

So, what did I think of it? Overall, I think The Outer Worlds is okay game that ultimately fails to meet up in many regards to not only Obsidian’s golden child, Fallout New Vegas, but in some departments even regular ass Bethesda games from years ago. And that’s honestly such a shame, because TOW had so much goddamn potential and yet I finished it and felt practically nothing for the entire last level and final ending sequence.

The main issue I think is that ultimately speaking, TOW doesn’t necessarily do anything different from any other RPG I can think of, and it doesn’t do anything like that super well. 

For example, the combat’s good on a technical level. The controls and mechanics are fun to use (especially the dodge system), but the enemies tend to either range from “complete curb stomp bitch babies” to “bullet sponge that’ll kill me so fast I won’t even know what happened.” Most fights weren’t particularly engaging, and I was basically handicapping myself but not using the companion abilities for about 75% of the game (I don’t know why I never tried pressing the d-pad buttons, but yet again, when I can just shoot shit and huff an inhaler, I didn’t need to think too hard). The disparity of how difficult the game can be is often confusing, and I was more often limited because of my ammo count more so than my ability to play the game.

The RP aspects can be good at times. There are plenty of skill checks that reward you for being a smart little egg, and a part of RPG’s I like is being able to avoid combat and make people happy, and generally make myself useful, so that was fairly fun. Overall the dialogue options and the performances by most VA’s left me not feeling like I was being hindered in acting and responding to situations how I’d like, so at the very least, that didn’t let me down.

The music was overall enjoyable, although very forgettable, and sometimes a bit all over the place: there’s Western-y guitar ambient tracks, also some more techno-y ones? Elevator music that sounds like they got it from a royalty free website. This kinda wish-washyness ties into multiple issues I had with the game I’ll get into further on.

The graphics are good, which isn’t necessarily shocking anymore because every game looks good. There are some aesthetic choices I liked, that being things like the Art Deco style architecture and advertisements from the loading screens. Terra 2 is gorgeous as all hell, with the skybox being particularly amazing (I’ve often fantasized about Earth having rings, so this partially fulfills that fantasy). Monarch is overall also very well done, with making it look and feel like a hostile shithole with ravenous wildlife. The looming gas giant overheard also does a good job of making me feel dread, which is about as much of that feeling I ever got. However, the game never really maintains a distinct “style”, rather it collages a bunch of them at once. Because for all the aesthetic of the Art Deco style that they do for cities like Byzantium. there’s like 10 levels/areas that are just generic as all hell “sci-fi space shit” that you’ve seen before. And then there’s Scylla, which is so fucking boring in design I don’t know why it’s even in the game.

This creates an issue where it’s like they wanted to make the game look Bioshock, but some people wanted something out of Mass Effect. But some people played Borderlands, and wanted to go for the wacky space bandit and hostile environment feel. But they also wanted to stick it to Bethesda, so they made is vaguely look like a Fallout game as well. It’s hard to describe in text, so I’m just gonna post these and show it best I can

^ It looks like space Bioshock here

^ And here it reminds me more of Borderlands than anything else (it’s a lot easier to see if you look at it from the ground, rip)

Scylla is literally just a rock. As far as I can tell, you could probably fucking avoid the damn thing if you avoid side quests. There’s fucking nothing there. Just enemies, a few side quest things, an empty town and a giant terraformer thingy that’s interesting to look at for like 4 seconds. And despite what you’d think, no, there is no low gravity. That would’ve at least made this place have some interesting gimmick or mechanic, but no. It’s just a fucking dumping ground for side quests. God. Fucking. Damnit.

All science-y buildings just look like this for the most part across all levels. It’s not bad, just very generic and same-y.

The Groundbreaker’s fairly interesting, until you realize that all it is is essentially a giant corridor front to back. Actually, scratch that, it’s two corridors! One of which is this Back Bays area overrun with criminals. How do you get to this clearly dangerous and isolated part of the ship? Well a fucking elevator smack dab in the middle of the pavilion of course! So anyone can just go up or down into this apparent no man’s land part of the ship by literally going into it via an elevator. Dear god.

^Monarch definitely has one of the best looking environments in the game, tied with Terra 2 down below

But what absolutely fucks the game overall is despite how much effort they put into making everything look nice (regardless if you actually like it or not), the overall level design in terms of function and whatnot? Mind numbingly boring.

All levels are really small maps with (at most) a handful of major buildings or towns depending on the scale, and the rest is just a bunch of abandoned buildings with some enemies, or a crashed ship or something. There's just...nothing going on with half of these dungeons.

Also the vast majority of buildings have a “Quarantine” sign out front or is locked in some capacity, which means you could have 4-5 buildings in a random batch of them along a road, but only 2 you can explore. And since all the fucking interiors across multiple planets look the exact same, it leads to an incredible feeling of sameiness in a game that has you running around an entire solar system. How the fuck even??? I’d argue fucking Fallout 3 handled this better. At least there was more to do! More overall dungeons and levels! Did I miss something? Am I just fucking stupid and I missed the all the good shit?

Combine this with the wish-washy aesthetics and music, it leads to an incredible feeling of not really knowing what to make of things. You’ll just be sprinting around, shooting all the red things on the compass just to get it over with by Monarch. And when you realize that LMG’s are just...the best weapons in the game as far as I could tell, and there’s no real downsize to them, you’ll just fucking run around gunning everything down while some forgettable track plays in the background until some enemy with a weirdly large health bar forces you to think for a bit before you get back to running around and shooting shit again. 

Despite this though? I still overall enjoyed the combat. I liked running around and becoming the 4th Horseman. Plus with the mechanics overall being fun to use, it wasn’t really that bad. But I can’t say on an objective level I think it’s good for a game to feel like that. Because despite how heavy handed I’m being right now (and will be throughout the rest of this impromptu review), I don’t hate this game. 

Sound design is overall very good. Guns make satisfying shooty shooty bang bang noises, and as I said before, the VA’s are overall very good all around. Parvati stands out as the most interesting character to listen to in general. She has a lot of informal speech patterns that makes her distinct, and is generally a treat to listen talk. At worst, you get a character like Nyoka, who doesn’t sound bad by any real means, but for a lot of her dialogue, I felt they should’ve slowed it down and focused on getting her emotions down. But it certainly wasn’t bad.

Storywise? This game wasn’t particularly interesting. I’m gonna put the keep reading thing here because I want to avoid spoilers for anyone who hasn’t played yet and cares about them. Long story short, I think the game was good, but very disappointing given what it could have been. I enjoyed myself for the most part, but often found the lack of anything super special to really hold it back from achieving something I think the gaming industry needed in an era of, ironically enough, hyper greedy corporations with no morals to speak of.

So, what did I think of the story? And I guess by extension, the side quests. Overall, I think the main story was...not very good. There was a lot of good stuff inbetween though, and a lot of side quests and little things definitely were enjoyable. But the plot is just not nearly as engaging as it should be. Given how short it was though, that might’ve been a mercy.

The story, as roughly as I can summarize is, is that you’re a colonist frozen on the colony ship “Hope.” It’s been adrift for 70 years, but you’re woken up by a guy named Phineas Welles (he’s basically Doc Brown, but nicer). The Board (which consists of the 10 companies who own and run the colony/solar system) try to stop him, but they fail, and you’re escape podded onto Terra 2, near a dying town called Edgewater. The pod accidentally kills the contact you were to meet, so now you’re gonna steal his ship and use it to do shit basically.

Along the way, you pick up a ragtag band of miscreants and general shitheads and kill a lot of people and wildlife in a quest to stop the corrupt Board from running the colony harder into the dirt than they already have. It’s very by the numbers, more or less. I guess.

The immediate issue is that, despite being able to join the Board and betray Phineas if you want, there’s absolutely no fucking reason to do that. Not a single goddamn reason, other than for the evulz. This creates an issue where I feel no reason to deviate from the Phineas side of the story. And I know what someone might be thinking “But Pixel! The Board is supposed to be evil!” And I am absolutely aware of that. But the thing is, so was Caesar’s Legion in Fallout New Vegas. And yet, that faction is often considered just as interesting and compelling a faction for the game as the NCR or Mr. House. People will, to this day, still argue over who had the best idea for solving the Wasteland’s issues. Because despite how evil the Legion is, they still had very valid points about the NCR and how horribly corrupt and bloated it was. And there was absolutely an argument to be made about how safe they made their lands for those under their ownership. Stuff like that that makes you actually consider and think about whether or not you're actually making the right choices for the whole of the New Vegas wasteland, and by extension the rest of the Western part of America.

Here? There’s no contest. There is no necessary evils. There is no good reason the Board does anything. No logic, no reason. All they can do is fuck shit up even more, and that makes them such a boring, vague antagonist that there was never a moment in my mind I actually considered working for them. Any potential moments they had to sway me or dashed aside by them constantly proving how they could never actually fix the problems they made. And if that was the intention? Then Obsidian fucked up.

People remember the villains that raise a point a hell of a lot more than they do villains that are just evil for the sake of it (there are obviously exceptions, for an RPG? you need a compelling villain). And that’s why no one will remember this game in a decade. It pales so hard in comparison to New Vegas, it’s not even funny. It’s on par with Fallout 3, at best. Which wouldn’t be a bad thing if the whole point of this game was to make a statement against an increasingly morally bankrupt Bethesda.

Let’s look at, per se, Skyrim. Paarthurnax was a supporting character with an interesting backstory: he’s Alduin’s brother, who is the main antagonist. He is a dragon that secludes himself on the top of the tallest mountain in Skyrim, who meditates and focuses on suppressing his inherit evil dragon nature. Despite this nature, he chooses to be good. And he asks a very compelling question.

"What is better? To be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?”

In a single sentence, Skyrim asked a more though provoking question than the entirely of The Outer Worlds. And if you played F:NV, then it’s probably weird to hear that, because F:NV was full of moral and philosophical quandaries. So where did it all go?

The thing is, people forget that the Obsidian that made F:NV is dead and gone. The actual people who made that game have all moved on from that company. This is the child trying to replicate the success of it’s parents, without entirely understanding exactly what the parent did to achieve what it achieved.

The biggest difference between F:NV and TOW is that F:NV really forces you to think. TOW just doesn’t require that, at all. 

Phineas good, Board bad. No thinking required.

I think the real warning sign is at the beginning of the game as well. Edgewater, the first town in the game, is dying. People are leaving and the town's also dealing with a disease epidemic. The town’s leader’s answer? Cut off power to the deserters, and force them to work harder despite the fact the town’s basically dying because of the overworking and disease. Despite the fact there’s not even enough medicine to heal everyone, and they have to play favorites with who lives and who dies.

What the fuck logic is this? Why would I ever choose that?

The only other choice, unless I missed a compromise solution (which I would’ve wanted) is to route power to the deserters and finish off the town more or less. The deserters wouldn’t take in everyone though, so a lot of people would die anyways. But even then, she’s still clearly the more competent leader. There’s not a goddamn contest. 

It just continues like that the whole game. I rarely had to think about who I’d side with. because the solution is obvious. The literal only reason I’d side with the corporations is if I was being evil, nothing else.

The best the story gets is when you need to make a compromise on Monarch between MSI (a corporation who got the boot from the Board) and the Iconoclasts (Religious people who are anti corporation). If you work with the second in command of the Iconoclasts, you can depose their extremist, dipshit leader and work out a truce. Which is good! It rewards the player for this too, when these factions come to help in the final level of the game (and when you see specific characters you could save helping out, that also make it feel like your decisions had an impact). You see the two factions...standing next to eachother, which isn’t much, but it’s about as much change you see in the game.

Which is also another thing that TOW fails to accomplish: a sense of longevity with my decisions leads to me feeling that, despite making the right choices, nothing really changes. 

Going back to Edgewater, you’d think after a while, I’d come back and the town would be entirely gone or something, right? 

Nope.

Some NPC’s stood outside the factory forever, as did some guards. There weren’t any lights on. That’s about it.

Well, certainly the Deserters must give me more quests to help out, which can lead to me establishing them and helping them help the Edgewaterers, right?

No. Very quickly you realize there’s very little do or talk about with NPC’s after you do monumental decisions. The only functional difference is an opinion slider, which is another imitation from F:NV that means fuck all. The only in game things it affects is: a) The prices of venders of that factions

b) Whether or not that faction will shoot you on site.

That’s it as far as I noticed. The best idea they had, that being that factions can love you, but also fear you just doesn’t do anything. As far as I could tell, at least.

I’d love to be wrong, because I was so excited to see what would happen to entire settlements and after I helped them. After I made important decisions that’d change the face of the colony. And I felt so disappointing when it became apparent little actually mattered. 

The companion sidequests aren’t too much better. The pacing is so weird, sometimes, depending on how available certain planets are. Parvati’s was especially jarring, despite it being the best written by far.

It basically is you helping her get with an engineer chick from the Groundbreaker. It’s pretty adorable overall, and without a doubt has some of the better writing character wise, but the pacing was so fucking weird. It initially starts with you getting Parvati to talk to her about engineering stuff. They say they’ll email and stuff about engineering stuff. which is neat. So I run around, finish up all the side quests on the ship as I can, then head back to my own ship. I did not go back to my ship at all during this. 

When I come back, Parvati immediately tells me that she and the engineer, Junlei, have been messaging and getting flirty and now she has a crush and it’s just like “Dude, were you texting her while we murdered all those bugs in the engine?”

It’s doubly funny as well, because Obsidian wanted to avoid the player having romanceable characters. Which makes about as much sense as you think. Once source said the reason was that they wanted you to focus on roleplay, and not trying to bang anyone you found hot (okay?). Another just said they weren’t ready for it. And I believe it. As much as I think romance would’ve been another good thing to add depth to this game, I bet you they’d have fucked it up. It’s just funny. Even Fallout 4 had pretty acceptable romances.

Granted the system was fucking basically “Kill shit together until you wanna bang” but fuck, it was something! It also doesn’t help there’s a bunch of cuties all over this game: Huxley stands out as an adorable muffin who becomes a generic NPC at the end of the MSI/Iconoclast questline, despite the fact you can even repair her journal terminal with zero indication at you can do it, which is good! Let me just do things to be nice! But she literally just sits there after you rescue her with a few dialogue options which goes away after the peace deal, and it's so fucking frustrating that I want to enjoy the characters more, but none of them seem to have more than a paragraph's worth of depth to them and it's so sad.

Even the companions are like this. At the beginning I’d try and talk with Parvati about anything, but the only dialogue options would be about getting her out of the party, and that’s it. I can’t ask her what she thinks of things, or of the current quest/situation. There’s such a weird lack of depth in a weird amount of areas, that it felt almost worse than playing a Bethesda game.

I think the penultimate disappointment of the game is, fittingly, the final level, Tartarus. Which is fitting, because it feels very hellish. Not the planet mind you, or the prison which it takes place in, but just the complete lack of anything super special. It’s just the same kind of environments you’ve already run through, but bigger and with more bullet sponge bad guys. Which is funny, because jumping around and killing an army on a purple hell planet that has perpetual lightning storms would’ve been sick as fuck, but nah, gotta run around on Scylla instead of anywhere else compelling.

In my playthrough, MSI, the Groundbreaker, and the Iconoclasts came to help me deal with all the fucking goons, which was mostly cool because I didn’t have to deal with the tediousness of killing every last one of corporate goon myself.

This is about as big of an impact your decisions come to as far as I’ve noticed. Which isn’t saying much.

You meet the Chairman of the Board here, by the way. I just shot him and kept moving. shrugs

There’s also a last minute villain in this Sophia person, who is also apparently on the Board? It’d help if there was a list of the Board people, which could’ve been on a terminal somewhere. Maybe I’m dumb and never found it, which is plausible. 

The final boss fight, (I hesitate to call it that) is just somewhat large robot. It’s a bullet sponge with respawning combat drones flying everywhere and they’re very annoying. I died once after around 10 minutes of fighting, then using Parvati and Felix’s (he’s another companion, he’s also okay I guess) combat abilities I knocked it down and layed into the robot’s weak spot. He died very quickly.

So depending on how you do it, the final fucking boss is either stupidly hard or mind numbingly easy. I don’t know which is worse.

So you go past the dead robot, gun down Sophia in one shot, and save Phineas. You basically become the leader of Halcyon, there’s a F:NV-esque slideshow and commentary about your actions that somehow is worse that New Vegas’s, credits roll, and you sit there thinking “That’s it? That’s really it?”

Yeah, that’s it. 

It’s such a let down, especially because this was supposed to be Fallout New Vegas’s spiritual successor. But all it does it make me want to play that game instead of this one.Which is probably what you should do regardless if you pick this game up or not.

There’s a bunch of other mechanics and stuff I never brought up. There’s technically a character customization screen, but you literally only see your character in the select menu, and there’s no third person. There’s a barber in Edgewater who’s also a doctor, and yet you can’t even get a haircut from him (again, failing to match up to even Fallout 3). 

There’s these Mods you can put on armor and guns, and you find them by the bucket full so you’ll always have those. Just get an aim stabilizing one for an LMG and you’ll be fine. You can also tinker your armor and weapons, making them stronger if you spend credits on it (why not the armor and weapon parts, I’ll never fucking know). You can repair your stuff at a workbench, which is advisable. Just take all the weapons and armor you pick up, take it apart for parts, and never worry about it again. You’ll get money from quests, so buying those parts is meaningless and a waste of money

There’s also hacking and stealth and stuff. Stealth is such a non...thing in the game. There’s no silencers, but since all enemies decided to put cotton into their ears, there’ll be plenty of times I shoot someone, and a guy ten feet away heard fucking nothing. Plus there’s this disguise mechanic where you pick up ID guards and get a hologram disguise that wears out as you walk (passing speech check from suspicious guards restores it), so it’s not like sneaking around was ever a priority. Just put your points into the speech. Stealth is a dump stat more or less. 

Oh yeah, Parvati’s an ace lesbian. Which is nice that they handled that way in a non-dipshit way (you can also identify as ace in certain dialogue with her in her companion questline, which is funny considering they never let you fuck anyways, so it’s weird that you even have the choice). My only complaint is that they should’ve put this representation in a better game. 

What’s funny is that, despite everything, I don’t even hate this game. I feel a remarkable numbness, followed by a desire for something better. I spent about a week burning through it? If I had more free time, I could’ve finished it sooner probably. I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it. It was pretty fun for what it was, but knowing that this is somehow supposed to match up to what F:NV was is sad, and a sign of how bad the gaming industry had fallen. 

The only difference here is that unlike the Outer Worlds, I can’t purge the rot of the gaming industry with a haelstrom of plasma bullets.

Would I recommend this game? I guess. There’s still some fun to be had, but don’t expect anything too major or interesting. Get it on sale, it;s not worth $60 right now. There’s apparently DLC coming out for it eventually? I might play it, and I might post an update to this review, or make a seperate post for that eventually. Depends on how well this one does? Or if the DLC makes me feel enough emotion to type something out like this in 2 straight hours.

[sixfingersixtails]

“Look, okay, so they’re not out to get the multiverse or even one dimension with some kinda creepy rift-ripping machine, I get it. But why’re you bein’ so buddy-buddy with ‘em? They could trick ya inta doin’ somethin’ if yer not careful.”

“They haven’t.” Sixer shook his head. “The worst they’ve done is curse me with temporary color blindness for April Fool’s. A simple prank, nothing more.” His expression twisted. “I’d like to get them back for that initial jab that came with it, but I haven’t come up with anything good yet.”

“Jab?”

“Something about giving me the eyesight of the creature I can shift into, which -- for the record, being able to only see in grayscale is not what dogs and vulpine creatures are limited to.” Sixer huffed. “And I can see in color just fine when I shift.”

“Uh huh.” Crescent raised an eyebrow. “Sure. Back to the topic -- are ya really sure it’s a good idea ta hang aroun’ Morpho? I mean...they’re an Amorphous Shape with a different look. That’s it.”

“They’ve also broken free of Cipher’s influence and are making their own way in the world,” Sixer replied. “I’m willing to give them a second chance, and they’ve been doing well.” He frowned. “Besides, they’re not the only ones who have left a demon behind in their past.”

Crescent frowned immediately. “We didn’t join up with him because we wanted to, Sixer.”

“I know that, and you know that, and a number of other people do, but what about all the dimensions that are still recovering from that? The ones we either haven’t been able to reach, or haven’t had a chance to reach out to?” Sixer motioned between himself and his twin.  “As far as most of the survivors know, we were under Cipher’s thumb for the same reason you’re looking down on Morpho now. And even if the truth reaches some of those people, it doesn’t reach everyone.”

Crescent’s frown deepened.

“You remember that first dimension that was hit -- the kids with those wonderful, creative inventions -- Phineas and...” Sixer frowned, snapping the fingers of one hand absently. “That step brother, it was some unusual nickname that--”

“Ferb,” Crescent said shortly.

Sixer nodded. “When Maria and I first passed through there, we were greeted with weapons. It took several hours of her talking people down before she could assure them we weren’t going to start a second disaster on purpose.”

“Yeah, so everything’s fine there and they know about the truth.”

“The children do, Stanley. Phineas and Ferb were incredibly understanding after they realized what had happened. Their parents and adult neighbors are still extremely wary of us.” Sixer shook his head. “You saw it yourself when Maria brought the rest of you over at Phineas’ request for a get-together in his backyard. I know you did.”

Crescent’s frown started to turn into a scowl. He sighed heavily. “Hard not ta miss the looks, yeah.” He glanced away for a moment. “So...yer sayin’ Morpho’s in the same boat?”

“Not completely the same, but yes. Just...give them some time, and maybe get to know them a little better if you get the chance.” Sixer nudged his brother. “And maybe something of you will rub off on Beta. Axolotl knows that one needs more people than just her older sibling to rub off from.”

“The caterpillar thing? Really?”

“A caterpillar that can jump from one point in time to the next, and make quick work of space travel too. Now, I’m not encouraging con work, per say, but...well, a little shapeshifting now and again wouldn’t hurt, especially since she’s actually physical, unlike Morpho.”

Crescent blinked, eyebrow raised. “...huh.” He noticed Sixer was looking at him with a small grin, then snorted and shook his head. “I’ll think about it. Just...just be careful, okay? I really hope this isn’t just them playin’ a long con.”

“I’ve been careful, and I’ll continue to be careful.”

“I really, really hope so.”

[dariusfrasier]

Thanksgiving ~‪@MacyEdwards_ @AvaWilke ‬

Macy was nervous. Even George could tell. He was staying out of her way while she got ready. Ava knew, too. She had been trying to keep Macy laughing as much as she could most of the morning. Today was Thanksgiving, and the three of us had been invited to join Mike and the rest of his family at a restaurant in New Orleans. What made Macy nervous wasn’t seeing her dad or her aunt Brandee. It was everyone else who was going to be there.

Mike had invited his brother Rick and sister-in-law Brandee along with his nieces, Gwen and Evie. Both of his nieces had children who would be there in addition to Mike’s nephew Phineas. I wasn’t sure, but I thought Gwen and Evie were each bringing dates, too. I just hoped that thirteen was a lucky number today. I also hoped that the bigger group was less intimidating than having to meet her cousins and uncle one on one. Time would tell, I guess.

————————-

I wasn’t sure how many times I had changed clothes while trying to get ready. It seemed like every outfit was either too tight or didn’t fit at all. Dress after dress landed on the floor. I wasn’t even sure why I decided wearing a dress was a good idea, but I had.

After the fourth, or maybe the tenth dress, I finally found one. Well, one that I thought would be okay. Out of all the people that were going to be there, I knew three, my dad, my Aunt, and Darius. I was driving myself insane with thoughts of how everyone else would feel about me. I slipped my shoes on and went to find Darius and Ava. I stopped in front of both and asked, “Is this okay?” I was trying so hard to stand still. Why did I agree to this again?

—————————

“You look great, Catwoman,” I grinned as I took her hand and spun her under my arm. “Right, Ava?” Ava laughed and nodded. “Love the dress, Macy. It’s perfect. Everything is going to be fine. I promise Darius and I will sit on either side of you and protect you.” She might have been kidding, but that was exactly what we were going to do.

“I’m not sure I’m dressed well enough to be seen with two such beautiful ladies,” I grinned before winking at Ava. “We have about fifteen minutes before we have to leave. I’m going to make sure George has enough food. You two touch up your lipsticks or use the bathroom if you need to, ok?” Ava hurried off to get her purse so I took a moment to kiss my girlfriend. “Just keep breathing, Macy.” With that, I headed to the kitchen to find our furry roommate.

——————-

I knew that Darius and Ava meant well, but I was really freaking out. This was going to be the first time I attended a family function where everyone was going to be there. I was beyond calm. No amount of breathing, counting, meditating or anything was helping. While Darius went to feed George, and Ava went to grab her things, I paced. A lot. I felt like I was in a cage. A cage that I couldn’t get out of, complete with a leash.

--------------

When I got George situated, I returned to the living room. It was eerily quiet. Too quiet. Ava shrugged nervously and tried to stay out of Macy’s path. She was pacing like an animal in the zoo. I sighed softly and tossed Ava the car keys. “We’ll be right out.” She nodded and smiled briefly at Macy before walking out to give us a moment alone.

“Hey, Babe,” I said softly as I approached her. “Come here.” I held my arms out and hoped she’d stop long enough to let me hold her. We needed to do this. Meet the rest of her family. She’d been putting it off for too long. After a very long few minutes, she reluctantly dragged her feet and let me hold her.

——————-

I closed my eyes as Darius’ arms circled around me. I slowly began to relax and even slid my arms around him. “I’m not sure I can do this. What if everyone else doesn’t like me? It’s not going to be like meeting them one at a time. This is everyone. At once. What if I say the wrong thing?” I was starting to freak out again.

——————-

Before she could object, I kissed her. Hard. Once we came up for air and her shock wore off, I took her face in my hands. “Nothing they say or do matters. Your dad loves you. Your aunt Brandee adores you. I love you. None of that will change. So let’s get this over with so we can come back home and go for a long run. Deal?”

—————-

I thought about what he said and sighed, “Yeah, I guess you’re right. But...what if they decide they don’t like me and tell him I’m bad or something?” I couldn’t help worrying, but deep down I knew Darius was right. I sighed and looked up at him, “A run really does sound good.”

--------------

It took another over the top kiss to get Macy out to the car. That and the promise of a run wherever she wanted for as long as she wanted. Ava looked incredibly relieved when we got into the car and were finally on our way. “Ava, can you go over who’s going to be there and how they’re related to Mike once more?” I think Ava was happen to have something to do. As she started to describe everyone, I reached for Macy’s hand beside me and gave it a squeeze as I did my best to focus on the road.

—————-

I squeezed Darius’ hand as I listened to Ava go over everyone again. I felt like I was getting ready for a business meeting. Listening and trying to remember it all, trying to remember to breathe, I was pretty sure the only reason I was going to be able to get through this is because I was promised a long run. Before long, actually too quick for my liking, we were parking the car.

-----------------

Ava got out and said she’d go check to see if anyone else was here yet. I gave her a grateful smile. “We’ll be right there. Thanks.” I waited for the back car door to close before turning to Macy. “The good thing is we’re at a public place, and we can leave whenever we want. It’s just dinner. Ava and I will be on either side of you. You can squeeze my hand or ask Ava to go to the ladies’ room with you when you need a break. Deal?”

—————-

I couldn’t help but smile, “You know, I owe you and Ava big for doing this with me. I don’t think I could have done it alone.” I leaned over and kissed Darius. “Thank you for helping me through all of this.” I was about to kiss him again when Ava came back to tell us that my dad, Aunt and Uncle were here.

---------------

“You don’t owe us anything, Catwoman,” I smiled as we got out of the car and followed Ava into the restaurant. I saw Mike right away and his grin widened once he spotted Macy. I had a feeling he would never let anything bad happen to her if he could help it. Tonight was going to go just fine. While Mike hugged Macy and Ava, I moved over to say hello to Brandee and her husband Rick.

——————

I couldn’t help but smile when my dad hugged me. “I’m so glad you three could make it. It means a lot to me to have you here.” I couldn’t help but blush a little, “You might want to thank Ava and Darius for that. I’ve been so nervous all day about this. And...I almost called and said I couldn’t make it. But they convinced me to come.” I could tell he was a little disappointed that I thought about not coming, I sighed. “I’m sorry, Dad. I..I just wasn’t sure I could handle meeting everyone at one time, that’s all. I’m really nervous about all of it.”

-------------

I moved over to Macy and her father, leaving Ava to talk books with the librarian in the family. “I’m really nervous about all of it.” I slipped my arm around Macy’s waist. “Told you we weren’t going to let anything bad happen to you. Right, Mike?” He smiled and nodded. “They’re just people, Sweetheart. No reason to worry.” We spoke for a few more minutes before Ava joined us and motioned to the door, whispering,” That’s Gwen and her daughter Wynter with her boyfriend.”

——————

I took a deep breath and turned in the direction of the door. I couldn’t help but smile as the little girl, Wynter, took off across the restaurant into my Uncle Rick’s arms. Of course he scooped her up in a big hug. Aunt Brandee hugged...Gwen, and they all exchanged hellos. I watched from a distance, hoping that one day the whole family would embrace me like that too, not just my dad.

-----------------

I could feel Macy’s longing to be part of this family. I think Mike did, too. He took her hand and led her over to Brandee and Gwen. Ava smiled at me as we hung back. “He’s not going to let her feel left out, D. I promise,” she whispered. I couldn’t help but chuckle. “I know.” I gave Ava a one-armed hug and kissed her cheek. It was good to have a third musketeer.

——————-

I smiled as we joined Brandee and Gwen. I returned my Aunt’s hug when she hugged me. “Gwen, this is my daughter, Macy.” I couldn’t help but grin when I heard him say my daughter, it made me so happy to hear. With my mom it had always been that’s Macy or that girl there is Macy, it was rare that she introduced me as anything else. I smiled as I took Gwen’s outstretched hand, “It’s nice to finally meet you, Gwen. I’ve heard so much about you.” Gwen smiled big and nodded, “Same here about you. This is little one here,” Gwen laughed as her daughter said she wasn’t that little. “Excuse me, this beautiful young lady here is my daughter, Wynter. And this is,” she said gesturing to the man standing beside her, “my boyfriend, Kameron, but everyone calls him Mac.” I shook his hand and smiled, “It’s very nice to meet all of you.”

--------------------

Ava nudged me as I was watching Macy meeting one of her cousins. “Hmm?” I turned to where she gestured. “That must be Evie and Phineas.” I glanced over to see who she was referring to. I saw two men, a woman and a young boy walking towards us. Based on Rick’s smile as he approached them, I figured Ava was right. Since it was getting to be a bigger group, I tugged Ava along closer to Macy so she knew we were there for her.

———————

Gwen and Mac were very nice. Wynter had to be one of the sweetest girls I’d ever met. She was so polite and very respectful, older beyond her years it seemed. We were talking about Gwen’s artistic abilities, when she stopped mid sentence and smiled over my shoulder. “Our cousins Evie and Phineas are here. That’s her son Kayden and beside him is Daniel. Would you like to meet them?” I did, but my nerves kept me from answering, so I just nodded. As we turned to go, I felt Darius slip his hand in mine. I turned to face him, giving his hand a squeeze. As we walked over to the new arrivals, I had to admit, it was easier to do with Darius and Ava on either side of me.

———————-

Mike introduced me and Ava to Gwen as we walked over to Rick and Macy’s other cousins. Gwen had her mother’s smile and, as I stood near her, what I would guess was some of her mother’s empathy. It was comforting, and I think it was helping Macy stay calmer. Ava and I stayed quiet for the most part while Gwen and Mike introduced Macy to her cousins. From what I could gather, Evie and her brother had only recently gotten reacquainted with Gwen and her parents. Within minutes, all of us were gathered and ready to sit down to dinner. I escorted Macy and Mike escorted Ava. We stayed together as a group and surrounded Macy with a friendly buffer of sorts on either side.

———————-

As we sat down, my main thought was that there was no way I would have been able to do this without Darius and Ava. Just knowing that if it became too much, I could tell them and they would get me out of there took so much weight off my shoulders. I just wished it helped my nerves. I wasn’t used to the big family gatherings, at least not the kind filled with so much love and acceptance. It was overwhelming. But it gave me hope. More than I wanted to admit in this moment.

After everyone was seated, drinks were brought out and toasts were made, everyone was included in everything. No one was left out. It was something I had been missing from my “family” back home when I was growing up. I just wanted to belong. I couldn’t help wondering what it would have been like growing up surrounded by all these amazing people. Maybe I did belong here after all.

——————-

[aslanjadecarlyle]

a circus ain't a love story (Barlyle)

I know that, obviously, cars did not exist in the time period the film takes place in. I tried to think of ways to modernize the fic, but couldn't think of anything that I liked. I still wanted to use Getaway Car by Taylor Swift, though — the inspiration struck me after realizing just how Barlyle-esque the song sounds. So, in the case of this fic, the "getaway car" is more of a metaphor than anything! And, of course, I DO NOT own the song or the lyrics, have no association with Taylor Swift, and am not making money in any way using this little oneshot.

Nothing in this oneshot is *too* graphic, but I put an M rating just in case

---

No, nothing good starts in a getaway car

It all seemed too good to be true. When P.T. Barnum first approached him about joining his circus, Phillip viewed the man's promises as an opportunity to finally escape his parents' iron-clad clutches. After Barnum promised him 10% in all profits earned by the circus, he jumped at the chance to leave his old, stale playwriting life behind.

He didn't realize, then, that when you jump, you're bound to fall.

And when you fall, you break.

He was the best of times, the worst of crimes

I struck a match and blew your mind

But I didn't mean it

And you didn't see it

Phillip always admired the ringmaster's energy, but sometimes the man was too spontaneous for his own good. They got along well until Barnum insisted on leaving to tour with Jenny Lind — a woman who, really, caused much more trouble than she was worth. Their fights leading up to Barnum's departure were too loud, too passionate, and always left Phillip feeling terribly confused. Barnum would storm away in a huff, leaving Phillip to wonder — was this all a game? Had Barnum only used him, used him for his wealth and to get close to Jenny Lind — a woman that he didn't even know?

When Barnum left, Phillip still couldn't clear his mind of his troubling, thunderous thoughts.

But it was after the fire when things really changed.

The ties were black, the lies were white

And shades of grey in candlelight

I wanted to leave him

I needed a reason

It seemed only minutes after the fire that Phillip was released from the hospital and found himself in a confusing, terrifying affair with P.T. Barn — er, Phineas. After Charity and the girls left him, upon hearing the news of his affair with Jenny Lind, it was Phillip that Phineas turned to in a sudden moment of need. Phillip accepted his kisses and affection willingly enough at first, but the man had many troubles — too many, Phillip found, to possibly handle — and Phillip quickly went from being excited for their nights together to being downright wary and hesitant.

Phillip moaned for Phineas, led Phineas to believe that he was who Phillip lusted for, but after the first few couplings, he felt nothing but... detachment. Though he laid willingly with Phineas, he allowed his mind to wander and, on the inside, his heart ached as the older man moaned with release above him. He was left aching (Phineas worked himself up to be so frustrated that he was rarely gentle) and empty afterwards, the furthest from content he could be without being downright forced, as the older man rolled over with a sigh beside him and quickly fell asleep. He never complained when he found that Phillip had gotten up and left the bedroom in the morning — either he didn't remember falling asleep together, or he just didn't care. And, even though Phillip felt no real want for the man, that hurt him more than he'd ever care to let Phineas know.

X marks the spot, where we fell apart

He poisoned the well, I was lyin' to myself

I knew it from the first Old Fashioned, we were cursed

We never had a shotgun shot in the dark

If Phineas ever questioned their "relationship" (whatever it could be called), he didn't let on about it. Phillip didn't need convincing that he admired the man — that's what the feeling was, admiration — but he had been a fool to think he could feel anything more for the ringmaster. He was grateful to Phineas for getting him out of a hellish situation — he certainly did not miss his mundane plays or his father's regular beatings — but he'd go mad if he had to fake his way through a romantic or sexual relationship with Phineas any longer. He was almost tempted to tell Phineas that he was lying with one of the other circus acts just to get the man off his back. But, knowing Phineas, he'd surely check with said circus act, and then—

How'd he even end up in this mess in the first place?

He couldn't remember anymore.

You were drivin' the getaway car

We were flyin', but we'd never get far

Don't pretend it's such a mystery

Think about the place where you first met me

Sometimes, Phillip would read about his parents in the newspaper. Reading about his father, who had officially 'cut all ties' with him, left a deep, aching wound in his chest. It was because of his father that he ended up at the bar every night, eventually leading to his first meeting with Phineas.

So, really, it was his father that Phillip could thank. Meeting with Phineas had been the perfect getaway, the key to his new life – or so he'd thought.

In retrospect, it probably wasn't a great idea to make business deals when you were near-stumbling drunk and could be easily persuaded by a singing man wearing a top hat.

We're ridin' in a getaway car

There were sirens in the beat of your heart

Should've known I'd be the first to leave

Think about the place where you first met me

It was in a newspaper clipping where Phillip found out about his father's passing. All his breath whooshed from his body and he set the newspaper down on the table before resting his head in his arms.

He didn't realize Phineas was in the room until he heard the deep, rumbling voice ask him if he was all right.

He said he was, but he didn't lift his head from the table.

A firm, strong hand came down to rest on his shoulder and he turned his head to peek at Phineas. The man promised that he'd make it up to Phillip that night, he'd make sure that Phillip forgot all about his father, but they couldn't do anything about it right now. They had a show to run, after all, and they needed to hurry if they didn't want to be late.

Phillip started to get up, started to go for his coat and top hat, but then he paused. He turned to Phineas.

Actually, he said, I think I'll go to the bar tonight.

Phineas stopped, paused as if considering Phillip's words, then slowly nodded. He asked if he should come along.

Phillip said no.

In a getaway car, oh-oh

No, they never get far, oh-ahh

No, nothing good starts in a getaway car

Going to the bar wasn't the best idea, but Phillip needed to get away. So, he found himself drawn back to the place where it had all began.

He quickly lost track of how many drinks he'd consumed, but thankfully the bartender didn't ask questions. When somebody came through the front doors, his grip on his glass tightened and he looked back at the entry with bleary eyes. For a heart-stopping moment, he thought it was Phineas.

No, not Phineas. Just an older-looking man with salt and pepper hair.

He tried to relax, but try as he might his shoulders remained tense and he sat perched on the barstool as if ready to bolt at any moment. The bartender asked if he was all right.

Another, he demanded.

This time, the bartender hesitated.

I'm paying you, aren't I? Another!

He said a silent thanks when the bartender finally took his glass and filled it. The cool glass between his fingers was a blessing and he didn't hesitate before tipping the drink back and downing it in one gulp.

He got sick before the alcohol had the chance to settle in his stomach.

He didn't remember falling off of the barstool.

It was the great escape, the prison break

The light of freedom on my face

But you weren't thinkin'

And I was just drinkin'

He woke up to a pounding headache and a red-faced Phineas.

What were you thinking?! Phineas demanded.

Phillip groaned and rolled onto his stomach. He was lying in a bed. Their bed? Phineas's bed?

He didn't know anymore.

As Phineas proceeded to demand why he felt the need to get so drunk, Phillip drifted back into himself. He had a skull-splitting headache, but even that was forgotten as he drifted away, away from that room, and away from the circus.

Are you crying? Phineas asked.

With a jolt, Phillip realized that there were, in fact, tears on his face. He lifted his hand and had just looked down to study his wet fingers when he felt Phineas's weight settle next to him on the bed.

Phillip, if there's anything you need to get off your chest—

I can't, he said, looking up.

Phineas paused. Frowned. Waited in silence for Phillip to continue.

I – I... nevermind.

Phillip got up. Swayed a little, dizzy with a hangover, but ignored it and managed to stumble his way out of the bedroom. He had no idea what time it was, if they had a performance coming up, but he didn't care.

All he cared about was getting out of there.

Wait! Phineas called. Where are you going?

I'll see you at the circus.

While he was runnin' after us, I was screamin', "go, go, go!"

But with three of us, honey, it's a side show

And a circus ain't a love story

And now we're both sorry (we're both sorry)

Phillip beat Phineas to the circus. Truth be told, he was very surprised that Phineas didn't try to follow him, but he was also relieved. He knew that he would need to deal with Phineas eventually, but to have even the shortest of breaks was a relief.

He sat on a bale of hay talking with Anne Wheeler, and felt a terrible guilt that started by twisting its way through his stomach and crawling up toward his brain. Anne was beautiful, talented, funny, and smart — everything, he'd thought for years, that he had looked for in a potential bride, before he found himself swept up in the most confusing relationship of his life with a man who had dug his own grave by kissing Jenny Lind. Somehow, he had dragged Phillip down with him.

If the affair with Phineas never started, Phillip wondered, would he have found comfort in the arms of Anne Wheeler?

She was so beautiful as she sat there, smiling and laughing with him. He didn't even know what they were talking about, he was so distracted by—

No. He couldn't think like that.

Even if he did manage to leave Phineas, that meant leaning the circus. He couldn't take Anne away from a world she loved so much.

He planned to leave, and he had already gotten attached to the circus itself. That was hard enough. He couldn't get attached to Anne, too. Hadn't he learned his lesson with Phineas?

The circus was no place for a love story.

X marks the spot, where we fell apart

He poisoned the well, every man for himself

I knew it from the first Old Fashioned, we were cursed

It hit you like a shotgun shot to the heart

When Phillip finally worked up the courage to tell Phineas that he never felt the... whatever it was supposed to be, between them, it had gone about just as badly as he'd expected.

Phineas stumbled back, as if shot, and stared at Phillip with wide, wild eyes.

What do you mean? Aren't I enough for you?

Phillip watched him, gulped, tried to force words out of his mouth. The anger melted away from Phineas quickly, like snow melting on the first day of spring, and he stumbled back into his armchair with his head in his hands.

Weeping.

Phillip stared. Horrified.

He couldn't do this.

I'm sorry, he whispered.

Phineas looked up. He looked like a child peeking out at Phillip from between his fingers.

Don't leave me, Phineas begged. Don't go.

Silence.

I'll be better. I promise. Please.

Phillip stared. Gulped. Tears gathered in his eyes.

Phineas stared at him, looking miserable.

Phillip's hands shook.

Okay, he whispered.

Okay?

I'll stay.

You were drivin' the getaway car

We were flyin', but we'd never get far

Don't pretend it's such a mystery

Think about the place where you first met me

That night, Phineas tried to be better. He tried to give Phillip what he wanted, tried to give more than receive.

It didn't work. Try as he might, Phillip found himself detaching again. Phineas's actions built up a release waiting to uncoil in the pit of his stomach, but Phillip's mind wandered.

He thought of Anne, but quickly shooed her face away.

He thought of the bar. Oh God, the bar — he should hate that place for what it had done to his life, but he found himself longing for it. He longed for a time when he didn't know Phineas Barnum's face from the average Joe next door.

When he cried, Phineas thought it was because of his performance. Letting out a slight, contented grunt, Phineas kissed Phillip's forehead after they'd finished before rolling off of him.

That night was the first night that Phineas pulled Phillip close as he drifted off to sleep. But Phillip stayed awake, wide awake and unmoving, staring at the blank, black wall.

Phineas's arms felt like chains around his torso.

We're ridin' in a getaway car

There were sirens in the beat of your heart

Should've known I'd be the first to leave

Think about the place where you first met me

Why him?

That was one of the many things that Phillip couldn't figure out.

Why had Phineas selected him to help run the circus, to become close with, to lie with? He supposed that he could understand Phineas from a business aspect — his family's money certainly helped, and even after he died Mr. Carlyle had left him a (very) small amount — but he couldn't understand what had happened to lead Phineas to Phillip in a more... physical way.

The man loved women, did he not? He had been married to Charity for years, and only split because he'd been kissing another woman. Not a man.

So. Why. Him?

Phillip was too afraid to ask.

He'd been too afraid to leave him, had been worked down by Phineas's vulnerability, but he had to leave. He had to.

He'd find a way.

In a getaway car, oh-oh

No, they never get far, oh-ahh

No, nothing good starts in a getaway car

He was a fool.

He was a fool to take that business offer.

He was a fool to associate with P.T. Barnum in the first place.

He'd been blinded by the chance to leave his old life behind.

He didn't think to stop and ponder the consequences.

But even then — how could he have predicted this?

Never in a million years would he have thought himself to be in this situation.

He was suffocating.

Nothing good had come out of this.

Nothing at all.

Phillip closed his eyes.

Blocked out the deep, shuddering gasps from the man above him.

And drifted.

We were jet-set, Bonnie and Clyde

Until I switched to the other side

To the other si-i-i-i-ide

It's no surprise I turned you in

'Cause us traitors never win

It didn't used to be all bad. Before the fire, and before Jenny Lind, Phillip highly respected Phineas Barnum. The two got along incredibly until their arguments over the tour with Jenny took over all their time together.

Before then, working with Phineas was the most fun Phillip had ever experienced in all his life. They made an incredible duo and were often complimented over their abilities to make the circus a breathtaking experience no matter how often a person went. Phillip believed that crossing over to "the other side" was the best decision he'd ever made.

Oh, how quickly that had changed.

He had a plan now, at least. He had money, he had resources. All he had to do was slip away from Phineas... and leave his circus family behind.

He couldn't think about how difficult that part was going to be, though. He was so close. He could taste freedom on the tip of his tongue, could feel it coursing through his veins. This time, he really couldn't wait anymore.

The next stage of his plan was risky, and terrifying. He waited for a moment when he and Phineas were alone, when Phineas was actually in a rational mindset and not attempting to paw away his clothes.

It was now or never.

Phineas, I was wondering.

Hmm?

Would you like to leave the city with me? Just for the weekend — Lettie can take over the shows.

Phineas stared at him and he held his breath. The ringmaster blinked once. Twice.

Away? With you?

Yes.

Alone?

Yes.

Phineas smiled and visibly relaxed, sinking low into his chair. His smile was soft, his eyes warm. For a moment, staring at Phineas in this state, Phillip thought... maybe I could really love him.

No, he shook his head. No, I couldn't.

Phineas hadn't said anything so Phillip chewed on his lower lip. Well? he asked.

Phineas's eyes sparkled.

I'll fetch us a carriage.

I'm in a getaway car

I left you in a motel bar

Put the money in a bag and I stole the keys

That was the last time you ever saw me

They had booked two rooms, telling the hotel staff that they were there on a 'business meeting,' but Phineas snuck into Phillip's room that night, still incredibly drunk from fooling around at the bar earlier in the evening. Phillip, for once, forced himself to remain totally sober as he watched his former friend and business partner drown himself in alcohol.

When Phineas stumbled into Phillip's room, it was a wonder how he didn't manage to wake up everyone in the motel. Phillip shushed him only with promises of sex, which, of course, flustered Phineas and shut him up near immediately.

Just one more night, Phillip told himself as the tears rolled down his cheeks and wettened his ears. Just one more night and then it's over, you never have to lie with him again.

After Phineas fell asleep, satisfied and drunk, Phillip crawled out of bed and stood on trembling legs. He dressed, grabbed the money, and, with one last look back at Phineas Taylor Barnum, left the room, silent but for the slight 'click' of the door as it closed behind him.

Phillip Carlyle did not look back as he freed one of the horses from the carriage and left the motel behind in the night.

Drivin' the getaway car

We were flyin', but we'd never get far

Don't pretend it's such a mystery

Think about the place where you first met me

The ride was rough, Phillip hadn't ridden a horse in years and certainly wasn't used to horse riding in the dark, but they managed to find another motel in the next town or two over.

Phillip tied up the horse, checked in (it was quite late, but the staff managed to be persuaded with more profit than they'd seen in a week), and crashed as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He dreamt of Phineas that night.

We're ridin' in a getaway car

There were sirens in the beat of your heart

Should've known I'd be the first to leave

Think about the place where you first met me

He woke with a start, but relief flooded his body once he remembered where he was. His body was sore with the after effects of sex and horse riding, but it was also slack with relief.

He was finally free.

Sighing, he got out of bed and dressed. Nobody in the main lobby questioned why he was there — he supposed word hadn't gotten out yet of his leaving the circus — but he made quick business of eating breakfast and checking out.

Now that he had no more obligations to Phineas, the circus, or his parents, Phillip Carlyle was, for the first time in his life, free to do whatever he desired. He had the entire world at his fingertips.

He was thankful to P.T. Barnum and the circus troupe for getting him out of a lifestyle he had no business living, but Phillip realized that that was all they could ever do for him.

Soon, Phineas would become nothing but a distant memory.

In a getaway car, oh-oh

No, they never get far, oh-ahh

No, nothing good starts in a getaway car

It was in a theatre, some months later, when Phillip caught sight of Phineas Taylor Barnum for the first time since his departure. The lights in the theatre were low, the show was about to begin, but Phillip gasped and ducked his head, careful not to let the other man spot him.

Phineas looked like... he'd seen better days. He sat slouched in his seat and kept his head low, avoiding eye contact with those around him. It was the only time Phillip had ever seen Phineas not trying to be the center of attention.

The ringmaster shifted and turned in his seat, and Phillip quickly looked away. After a moment, he attempted to peek at the man from the corner of his eye, but voices erupting from the stage caught his attention instead and he faced forward.

The show was about to begin.

I was ridin' in a getaway car

I was cryin' in a getaway car

I was dyin' in a getaway car

Said goodbye in a getaway car

Phillip tried to sneak out of the theatre earlier, as not to be caught, but was caught up when an actor he knew — a man who'd played lead in one of Phillip's own plays, in fact — spotted him in the hall and stopped to chat. Apparently, he'd been cast as understudy for the male lead, but his use in the play hadn't been needed.

By the time the actor let him go, Phillip was swept up in a sea of people leaving the theatre. He tried to get out, tried to push forward, when—

Phillip?

The stranger's familiar voice pierced his ears and Phillip cringed as he turned around, not quite ready to make eye contact with Phineas Taylor Barnum.

Phineas, Phillip spoke, head bowed.

Phillip — can we talk?

Phillip looked up into those eyes — empty, hollow — for the first time in months, and gulped. He glanced around the still-crowded halls and, though nobody seemed to be paying them any mind, he felt his face redden with nerves.

All right, I suppose, but—

I know somewhere private we can go.

Phillip was surprised. Did Phineas just happen to hang around this particular theatre often?

Still, perhaps against his better judgment, he agreed to go with the crestfallen ringmaster.

Ridin' in a getaway car

I was cryin' in a getaway car

I was dyin' in a getaway car

Said goodbye in a getaway car

What the hell!

Phillip spluttered as he pushed back against Phineas's broad chest, gasping once Phineas's mouth left his. The ringmaster had taken them to an empty room where the theatre stored some of its smaller props. The lock on the door was broken and they'd been able to get inside easily enough.

Phillip had been a fool to think that 'talk' was all Phineas wanted to do.

Phineas... Phillip took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Tears wettened his eyelashes, but he refused to cry in front of the older man. When he opened his eyes again, Phineas wouldn't meet his gaze. I don't... want this... anymore.

Phil—

I thank you, Phillip cut in, and I appreciate all that you did to get me away from my suffocating life in the upper-class. But I can't do this, Phineas. I don't... desire you... in that way, anymore.

But you once did.

Phillip said nothing. He couldn't... because it was true.

What did I do? What can I do to make things good between us again?

Were things ever really good between us, Mr. Barnum?

Phineas flinched at the name, but said nothing.

You used me. I thought, maybe, that I could... learn to love you, or at least lust for you. But, Phin — you used me after you turned your own love life to shambles.

Phineas backed up. He stood against the wall, lips pressed together in a thin line. There was no trace of the extravagant ringmaster Phillip had once known.

Phillip sighed. Took a step forward, causing Phineas to look up hopefully. But, Phillip only reached up to trace Phineas's cheek and shake his head.

It's time for me to move on.

Phillip, please—

Phillip went for the door, opening it a crack before glancing back at the man over his shoulder.

Goodbye, Phineas.

Said goodbye in a getaway car

---

So, that was weird and impulsive and just... what? Lol, but it was my first 'songfic' and I hope you guys liked it! The writing style was fun and different for me to try, too — especially the dialogue, which was highly inspired by the novel The Road by Cormac McCarthy

[memories-are-mine]

Hi, so um, I just found your blog and went through the whole in like an hour and just...Wow. I love you & the circus fam so much! I have a prompt story idea thing? Maybe it's Philip's birthday and PT & Co. find out he's never celebrated it. Angst and fluff and Dad PT all in one!!

Wow, this is the greatest concept? 

sidenote sorry i went mia for a bit there i was on vacation and literally have no time imma write on a more consistent schedule from now on (ha see wHAT  I DiD THerE)

Summary: Phillip has never truly celebrated a birthday and Anne and P.T. are appalled. Phillip also needs a slight reminder of a very important thing- it’s okay to take a break. 

The Greatest Birthday Party

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Anne said, holding up a hand to stop Phillip in his tracks. “What do you mean tomorrow’s your birthday?”

Phillip wasn’t really sure what all the fuss was about. “I mean that tomorrow’s my birthday. I’m turning twenty-four.”

They stood outside in the cold February air, starting to leave for the day. There had only been a matinee show, enabling the performers to all leave early, and Anne and Phillip were simply talking about future plans when Phillip had casually mentioned that tomorrow, the twenty-second of February, was his birthday.

Anne vaguely wondered if Phillip was kidding. “And you just forgot to mention that? Weren’t you planning on celebrating? Or are you one of those boring people who doesn’t celebrate birthdays with parties?”

“No, I wasn’t really planning on celebrating… Am I supposed to? Is there something I’m missing here?”

Anne’s heart broke a little. Phillip wasn’t joking.  He genuinely didn’t know that people celebrated, received gifts, ate cake, got drunk (occasionally) and just relished in the fact that they were alive.

Considering Phillip’s upbringing, Anne wasn’t even shocked. But damn, he would celebrate now.

“Phillip,” she said. “I’ll meet you at home, yeah?”

She raced back into the circus, ignoring Phillip’s calls after her. She ran past the other performers, who stared at her in wonder before resuming packing up their things. Anne and Phillip had a bit less to pack than the others, so they were usually done first.

Anne ran through the ring, took the stairs two at a time, and burst into Barnum’s office.

He jumped, startled when she burst through the door, but relaxed when he saw her. He started looking a little worried when he saw the look on her face.

“Sorry to interrupt,” Anne gasped for breath. “But we have a slight emergency.”

Barnum jumped up. “What kind of emergency?”

“The type of emergency involving Phillip not knowing what a birthday party is and the fact that his birthday is tomorrow if he’s not completely making this up.”

Barnum grinned. “That is an emergency.” His smile faded as he truly registered what that meant about Phillip’s upbringing. “The worst part about it is that I’m not at all surprised.”

“Can you help me?” Anne pleaded. “I really want to make this special for him, seeing as, seemingly, it’s his first one.”

“Of course I’ll help,” Barnum said. “God knows he deserves it.”

Anne nodded. Phillip was tireless, doing so much for the circus, barely even stopping to breathe. Anne and the others took it upon themselves to drag him (and Barnum) out of the offices to get sleep. He certainly deserved a day off to party.

“So,” Anne said. “Where do we start?”   

Barnum smirked, getting the look on his face that meant he had some crazy new suggestion that either involved unicorns or explosions, or both. “I have a few ideas.”

This certainly was going to be a birthday to remember.

The next day, when Phillip and Anne walked into the circus, there was silence, except for the sounds of Anne’s giggling.

“What?” He asked her.

“Oh, nothing,” Anne replied with a grin. “Come on, Barnum said something about needing you in the ring.”

“But we haven’t seen…” Phillip stuttered. “Oh, nevermind.”

He gave up and followed Anne into the ring. Waiting there for him was the entire circus crew, underneath a banner that spelled out Happy Birthday Phillip! In large colorful letters

They cheered when they saw them come in, then laughed at the way Phillip’s mouth dropped open in shock and surprise. Anne was practically howling with laughter.

“You…you did this?” Phillip stammered. “A-all in one night? For me?”

Anne looked over at him, her brown eyes sparkling underneath the colored lights. “Since you’ve never had a proper birthday party before, we have taken it upon ourselves to give you one.”

P.T. had come up at some point during Phillip’s marvelling, and was listening to their exchange. “It wasn’t really that hard,” he said. “I’ve planned parties in less time than that.”

“Course you have,” Anne and Phillip chorused.

“I’m going to ignore that comment.” P.T. grinned, then went on. “And besides, birthdays are supposed to be special, and you need a day off, Phillip. I don’t think you’ve taken one in months.”

“Hypocrite.”

“And Anne wanted to make this pretty gosh darn unforgettable, and so we’re taking the day off to celebrate!” P.T. summed up, disregarding Phillip’s last comment, even though he knew it was true. “Now come on!”

“W-wait!” Phillip said. “Can I just do one quick work thing first?”

“Having fun is a productive work thing,” P.T. replied. “It’s your birthday, and I will repeat myself that you need a day off. Now come on!”

The circus all helped steer Phillip out of the circus, Anne right beside him, smiling at the fact that he was smiling. 

“Thank you,” he whispered to her.

“Oh, don’t thank me yet. The fun hasn’t even started.” Anne grinned. “First stop, Barnums. Charity’s a little put out that you didn’t mention it was your birthday.”

Indeed she was.

“Phillip,” Charity’s scolding voice came from the kitchen when they all tramped through the Barnums’ door. “Why didn’t you mention it was your birthday?”

“Birthdays are fun! We made a cake!” Declared Helen, tackling Phillip with a hug. “Happy birthday, Phillip!”

“What flavor?” Phillip tousled her hair and waited for a response. “It sure does smell good.”

“Chocolate!” Caroline joined her sister in squeezing all the air out of Phillip’s lungs. “That’s your favorite, right?”

Phillip didn’t recall mentioning his soft spot for the sweet to anyone, not even Helen or Caroline, but he nodded.  “How’d you know?”

“Seriously, Phillip? Everyone knows,” Lettie chimed in. “It’s not like you’re very subtle about it.”

Phillip tried to hide his fondness for chocolate, but he always had more than one piece on hand to snack on. It seemed as if he had replaced his alcohol problem with a chocolate problem.

“You’re right, he isn’t.” Charity strolled in from the dining room, dusting cocoa off her hands. “The chocolate that magically finds its way into the hands of my girls tells me that much,” She said, giving Phillip a pointed look. She rid her hands of the rest of the cocoa powder and gave Phillip a hug. “Happy Birthday. Celebrate, I figure you never got much of a party,” she murmured.

Phillip pulled away and nodded. “Thank you, Charity.”

Charity smiled at him. “Everyone go eat cake!”

And that they did.

After the cake was eaten and everyone happy, the circus troupe dragged Phillip out of the house, much to the protest of Caroline and Helen, and down to the bar where Phillip and Phineas had first discussed joining the circus. They could have a ‘proper celebration’ there. Party hats were provided by Anne.

A half hour and five shots of whiskey in, and Phineas stopped things before the crew got too riled up. “Before we go overboard with the whiskey,” he announced, not looking too steady on his feet himself. “I have something for Phillip.”

Phillip glanced up, party hat half-tilted on his head. He was trying to convince Anne that doing trapeze on the chandelier was a bad idea, while W.D.’s slurred voice made fun of him for spoiling the party. “What?”

“Another tradition of birthdays, Phillip,” Phineas said with a smile and another shot, handing Phillip a box with a red ribbon. “is gift-giving,”

No, P.T., you shouldn’t’ve gotten me-” Phillip tried to protest but Phineas cut him off.

“Phillip, Phillip,” P.T. said. “I didn’t buy it, Charity and the girls helped me with it, I was planning on giving it to you anyway, and besides-”

“But…”

“Just open it.”

Phillip gave up arguing, and ripped the package open. Inside gleamed a brand-new bright red showman’s jacket, made from expensive looking cloth and with brand new golden buttons that gleamed in the light of the bar.

Phillip looked up, his eyes shiny though he tried desperately hard to hide it. “Phineas-it’s wonderful-I-I don’t know what to say.”

“I know you haven’t gotten anything in years past,” Barnum said, putting his arm around the young man. “And you’ve sacrificed so much for the sake of this circus so just let me be nice to you and get you something.”

Phillip nodded. “Thank you, Phineas.” But Anne could tell he was still deep in thought.

Barnum clapped him on the back and went to rejoin the party. Anne looked between the partying circus, and Phillip, who was trying to avoid conversation and staring at his new jacket.

Anne sidled up to him, stumbling slightly. “Enjoying yourself?” She smiled at him.

He looked from Phineas to Anne to the jacket then back to Anne.

“Phillip, what’s wrong?” It made Anne sad to see he wasn’t smiling. He should have been smiling. This was his day.

“Did you even sleep last night, Anne?” Phillip asked abruptly. “Did Phineas?”

“A little bit,” Anne lied. The truth was she’d only gotten about an hour of sleep, but the fruits of her labor, or what should have been the fruits, were more than worth it.

“You didn’t have to do this for me, Anne. Nobody did. Am I really worth all this trouble?” He tried to play it off as a joke with a smile, but he honestly wasn’t sure if he was joking or serious. Apparently, neither did Anne.

Seeing the look on her face, Phillip wished he could take the comment back, and he opened his mouth to say something more. Unfortunately for him, Anne wasn’t the only one who’d heard his comment.

“Yes,” Anne and P.T. chorused at the same time.

“Is that really how you feel?” Anne asked anxiously.

Phillip didn’t want to worry them, it wasn’t worth their energy to be worried. This was a party that had been created out of their hard work and they should be enjoying it. But he also knew that they wouldn’t enjoy themselves unless he was.

“I just wish-I just wish you guys didn’t feel the need to go out of your way for me,” Phillip said, swirling the alcohol in his glass. “I’ve always been fine on my own.”

“Yeah that’s the point,” P.T. said, sitting down on Phillip’s left, the seat on his right occupied by Anne. “You’ve been on your own at times when you really shouldn’t have been. You didn’t know what a birthday party was before yesterday. Now you have people who care about you. We’re just trying to show it.”

“He’s right,” Anne said softly. “I know you haven’t experienced the whole family thing much yet, but stuff like this is what family does for each other. And you go out of your way to take care of everyone around you, work yourself half to death to make sure that everything’s going smooth. You would plan a hundred birthday parties in one night for me, and I love you for that.” She slipped her fingers into his. “But it’s alright to let go once in awhile, focus a little on yourself for a change.”

Phillip looked into the caring faces of Anne and P.T., realizing how much they were right as concerned looks were thrown their way from the faces of the partygoers. Phillip had always found it hard to do anything that made him truly happy, do anything but what he should be doing. His upper-class conditioning certainly didn’t help.

But looking around him, Phillip realized that they were right. The party was raging, there was laughing, talking, just generally living a little bit, (and maybe having a few too many drinks and annoying the bartender), and there was love all around him. Something he sorely missed out on, and something that he wanted to share. Besides, it would make Anne happy.

He leaned over and pecked her on the lips. “You’re right. Thank you, both for everything.”

“Like Anne said, it’s what family does.” P.T. gave Phillip a smile, squeezed his shoulder, and called for another round of shots, sliding back into the crowd to Lettie, who had been shooting worried looks their way for the past few minutes.

Phillip and Anne went to rejoin the party as well. Maybe the alcohol was finally kicking in, but a warm fuzzy feeling washed over Phillip that he wasn’t sure had anything to do with the alcohol. Everyone was living, laughing. Anne was beside him. Phillip wasn’t really sure why he had been so worried about things. He didn’t need to be. At least, not right now.

“Hey, Phillip?” Anne teased. “Are you gonna try on your jacket or what? I’ll bet it looks good on you.”

It did.

[aslanjadecarlyle]

The Photograph (Barlyle prompt)

Happy belated Mother's Day!

Word Count: 4,300

Title: The Photograph

---

"Some old wounds never truly heal, and bleed again at the slightest word." —George R.R. Martin

It was raining.

That was the first sign something was wrong.

P.T. hated rain. He preferred the sun - the brighter, the better. It didn't storm, but the drizzle outside was almost worse. Thunderstorms had personality, at least - low thunder that rumbled and roared, lightning that lit up the room - no matter where you were - for the briefest of instants. But the rain outside was simply... mush. It was lazy, dreary rain that served no purpose other than to muddy the world and cast the Barnum home in a gray, depressing light.

P.T. was missing.

That was the second sign something was wrong.

The ringmaster was loud. The ringmaster was loud and full of life and seemed to never tire, not even for a moment. Phillip loved it. Phillip loved him. He loved the way P.T. always felt the need to brighten the little world they lived in with bigger-than-life ideas. He loved the way the ringmaster himself radiated love - whether it was for himself (in a way that some people would mistakingly describe as selfish), the circus troupe, or Phillip. Whether they were together in bed - Phillip moaning underneath the older man, either with love and soft caresses, or in a way that was absolutely filthy as the ringmaster forced him to beg for the ultimate ecstasy - or whether it was through the soft, casual touches and loving words that P.T. would rain upon him throughout the day. P.T. loved Phillip in a way that left him overcome with emotion - he loved him in a way that, for just a moment, made Phillip forget the hellish background in which he had been raised.

P.T. loved Phillip in a way that made him believe he was worthy of it.

P.T. was loud. P.T. was full of life. P.T. never failed to make anyone and everyone around him feel like the single most important person in the world.

But it was raining.

It was raining and P.T. was missing.

The Barnum home was massive, but it seemed even bigger with the dark, lonesome shadows that the gray clouds outside cast onto the walls. Phillip shivered - they'd woken up to the rain (for once, they'd woken at the same time - P.T. usually rose much earlier than he) and Phillip had been the first to go downstairs to prepare breakfast. P.T. had promised to join him in just a few minutes, but several had gone by and there was still no sign of the man that had swept the young playwright off his feet.

"Phineas?" Phillip called. His voice rattled and bounced off the walls, almost seeming to echo.

No answer.

Phillip shivered again and wrapped his arms around himself as he walked. He wore but a pair of pajama pants, his robe, and a pair of slippers. Perhaps he was imagining things, but he could have sworn there was a draft coming in with the rain. He thought, maybe, that P.T. had left a window open - though, that seemed very out of character for the brilliant circus king. He always busied himself with new ideas, always carried an excited energy about him, but that didn't mean the man was sloppy. In fact, he was anything but. Sure, his desk might be messy, he might occasionally button up his shirt the wrong way, but he wasn't sloppy. Personal care was one thing, but when it came to the betterment of others - whether it was the circus or Phillip - he handled everything with great care. He would never leave a window open because that could mean a protestor had opportunity to break in, or Phillip could catch a cold, or—

Or Phillip was overreacting. A window wasn't open because there wasn't a draft and he had only imagined a brush of cold air because where the hell was Phineas.

And why couldn't he shake the dark, unsettling feeling that nagged at the back of his mind, insisting something was wrong?

"P.T.? Phineas?" he called again.

Just as before, there was no answer.

Almost subconsciously, Phillip paused in the middle of the hallway and let his gaze drift up the long, sprawling staircase. His eyebrows furrowed together as he stared up to the second floor. Now that he thought about it, had he even heard the man come downstairs?

Still looking upwards, Phillip approached the staircase. He called the ringmaster's name again, but, just as before, got no answer. He climbed the stairs and found the upstairs to be just as dark - if not darker, even - and silent as the floor below.

He tried their room, but P.T. was gone. Their bed was unmade, just as Phillip had left it before going downstairs, and P.T.'s robe was gone, too. So he'd moved, at least. But, again, Phillip couldn't remember hearing him come downstairs - he had to be up here somewhere.

He passed several closed doors - the rooms of Caroline and Helen, who had left with their mother after the Jenny Lind incident. Little had they known, then, that it would be Phillip the ringmaster turned to, not another woman.

Caroline and Helen were still permitted to visit on some weekends - only then would their doors be open, their rooms filled with the sounds of laughter. Phillip and P.T. were careful to stay apart on those days - most of the time, Phillip would find it safest to simply go back to his now mostly-abandoned apartment. P.T. also got to see the girls during nights that Caroline had ballet recitals, which brought back memories of the place where he had laid eyes on Phillip Carlyle for the first time.

Other doors were closed, leading only to empty rooms - the guest bedroom (where Phillip "stayed" on the rare occurrence that he decided to stay during one of the girls' visits), the library, the playroom. He only paused once coming to the closed door at the very end of the hall.

P.T.'s home office.

The door was closed, just as all of the others before were closed, but it did not simply swing open to reveal an empty room. Instead, when Phillip tested the doorknob, he found the door to be locked.

Breath hitching in his throat, Phillip rose his fist to knock. However, he hesitated, just a moment - he was sure P.T. would be fine, just absorbed in his work, but... suppose something really was wrong? Did he really want to alert P.T. of his presence, give the man a chance to hide or clean up or—

Or...what? What exactly did Phillip think he was doing in there?

Staring at the door for another moment, Phillip's hand dropped to his side. He stood on tiptoe - how humiliating it was sometimes, to need to extra boost to reach things, but this time he didn't have the ringmaster's teasing words and pleasant laughter ringing in his ears - and felt above the doorframe. His fingers wrapped around the object he was in search of - a key - and he lowered himself flat onto his feet once more.

He wondered, perhaps, if P.T. had forgotten about the spare key. They'd agreed upon it mutually - the man had a tendency of getting lost in his ideas for hours at a time and when he locked himself in his office, as he often did, Phillip needed a way to bring him back to reality, if necessary. Sometimes a simple rattling of the doorknob, a mere presence in the room was enough, but other times - well, sometimes Phillip had to bait the man away from his work with more... pleasing measures.

The doorknob twisted, successfully unlocking with the key, and Phillip pushed the door open. He immediately shivered upon entering the room and, eyes flickering over to the wall, discovered that there was, in fact, a window open.

The next thing Phillip noticed was P.T., hunched over in his seat and staring at something down on his desk.

Phillip sighed heavily (though, secretly, he was actually relieved) and he rolled his eyes as he crossed the room to close the window. The frame around it was wet with raindrops and he shivered again at the cold breeze that came through, chilling the entire room. "Are you telling me you neglected to join me for breakfast over the matter of paperwork?"

P.T. was silent.

Phillip frowned as he turned toward the ringmaster. He leaned against the wall and rested a hand on his hip, almost unaware that he was doing it. "Phineas?"

The ringmaster shuddered - the only sign that he even acknowledged Phillip was in the room - but remained silent. Phillip's hand fell from his hip and he strode over to the ringmaster, delivering a light touch to the older man's shoulder.

P.T. shrank away and turned his back on the playwright.

Phillip's lips parted in shock and he fumbled for words. "Wh - What's wrong? Did I...do something?"

His brain wracked for anything he could have done to offend the ringmaster, but came up totally blank. P.T. wasn't one to hold grudges - surely he would have told Phillip if something he'd done bothered him?

"Phineas... talk to me? Please?"

He knelt down in front of the ringmaster - a familiar position, though this time it was out of concern, not lust. P.T. continued to stare down at the object in hand - Phillip could tell that it had to be a photograph or painting or drawing of some sort, though he wasn't sure of what. The ringmaster jerked away again when he reached out, but not before he saw the tears shining on the older man's face.

"Phineas, are you... crying?"

Voice clipped with alarm, the worry and fear that had dwindled away upon finding the ringmaster came back full force. Phillip steadied himself on his knees at P.T.'s side, and rested a hand on the older man's thigh. Now that he had seen the tears, he could hear them - the noise was barely there, but P.T.'s breath hitched with near-silent sobs and his chest trembled with the effort of holding them back. Confusion overwhelmed the younger man.

"Please," he whispered again. His voice cracked and made him cringe - he sounded nothing like Phillip Carlyle, the man with the voice that P.T. often teased as being 'too posh.' "Talk to me."

Without even realizing it, Phillip had started to trace small circles into P.T.'s thigh. The strong muscle underneath quivered and the ringmaster seemed to have stilled, but tension held tight throughout his entire body. Phillip looked down at the floor, then up at the ringmaster again as he whispered, "I don't like seeing you like this."

P.T.'s sigh was loud, almost thunderous compared to how silent he'd been up until that point. He tried to hold back, but his voice was thick with emotion as he choked out, "You - You weren't supposed to."

Tears brimmed in Phillip's eyes - it killed him that P.T. thought he had to hide his emotion. He didn't know what was bringing the ringmaster such distress, but he rose to his feet and slipped behind P.T.'s chair. The ringmaster gasped when he felt the young man's strong hands on his neck and shoulders, slowly massaging, and he tried to pull away, to stand, but Phillip pressed a hand to the front of his shoulder, pushing him back. He didn't have any strong force from his angle, but P.T. fell back anyway. His cries became louder and his body shuddered with them more openly. Phillip's gut twisted, and he peered down at the item still clutched in P.T.'s hands.

It was a photograph. It was yellowed and faded with age - it had to have been taken using the earliest of cameras - but the woman in it stared up at him with a sweet face and eyes that were not unkind. It was hard to tell, but she appeared to have P.T.'s wavy locks of hair.

"Who is that?"

Phillip's voice was a hum in P.T.'s ear, like the most delectable drop of honey. P.T. sighed again and closed his eyes, lashes wet with tears. He slumped in his chair, startling Phillip.

He'd never seen the man look so... defeated.

"Her name was Irene," P.T. murmured in a voice so quiet, so unlike himself, that Phillip strained to hear him. "She is - was - my mother. She...passed when I was a boy."

His words took a moment to sink in.

"Oh, Phin," Phillip breathed. His hands fell from P.T.'s shoulders and he shuffled to P.T.'s front once more. He lowered himself to the ground again, grasping P.T.'s hands in his. "She's still your mother," he insisted, rubbing the palm of P.T.'s hand with his thumb, "no matter how or when she passed away."

P.T.'s lower lip quivered, like a boy, and he laughed at himself as the tears came more rapidly. He wanted to wipe the offending wetness from his cheeks, but Phillip still grasped the older man's hands in his.

"It's ridiculous," the ringmaster muttered, shaking his head. "I'm a grown man. She's been gone longer than you've been alive. I can't - I shouldn't be—"

His voice broke and he broke his hands free of Phillip's hold, covering his face. The office door was still open and his sobs carried down the hallway of the otherwise empty mansion.

Phillip felt guilt as he sat there and watched a man fifteen years his senior cry. P.T. knew all about his less than ideal childhood - his father who beat him and his mother who never made an effort to stop him. She certainly wasn't worth crying over, and never would be, not even when she died.

He'd known P.T. must have had a mother - by logic, if nothing else - but the ringmaster never spoke of her and Phillip had... never bothered to ask. Perhaps he'd convinced himself that since his parents were terrible, all parents had to be.

But then, weren't Caroline and Helen always filled with life whenever they saw their father? P.T. was not a terrible parent - far from it. In fact, Phillip would even consider him the epitome of what a good parent should be. He didn't find it surprising that P.T. had been blessed with an excellent father, who tried to provide as much as he could for his son, even while living on the streets and on his deathbed. By that logic, then, he shouldn't have been surprised to know that P.T.'s mother was an equally wonderful woman - a woman who was worth crying for.

And yet, he had never bothered to ask.

"Oh God, Phineas," Phillip choked. He gently took the photograph from P.T. - he let Phillip have it without protest - and stared down at the face of the woman who had given P.T., the loud, incredible, beautiful man that he loved, life. She stared up at him with eyes that sparkled, almost as if hinting that she knew of his love for her son. He shivered - not from the cold, this time - and set the photograph on the ringmaster's desk.

When he turned to P.T., he settled himself in the ringmaster's lap and pulled him closer. P.T. buried his face in Phillip's shoulder and Phillip struggled not to let the older man see his own tears. He felt terrible for never realizing how much he missed her, holding back his feelings even after all this time, and he ran his fingers through P.T.'s hair in an attempt to soothe him.

"Tell me about her," he encouraged in a whisper. He kissed P.T.'s forehead as the man looked up, his eyes red-rimmed.

Thunder roared outside - Phillip had failed to notice the storm getting stronger - and P.T. jumped. Phillip clung to him tight, alarmed to feel that he had started to tremble and shake again.

"Phin," he whispered, holding him, sliding one hand down to hold P.T.'s hand. "It's all right. It's just thunder."

"It rained," P.T. said. Phillip used his free hand to wipe at the man's tears as he spoke. "It rained the... the night she died."

Suddenly, the man's strong dislike of rain made much more sense. Phillip lowered his eyes again, ashamed. He'd never known that about P.T., but if he had quit thinking about himself and just asked—

"It was raining and I...I was w-with her. Alone. We were waiting for help, waiting for Papa to come back from the storm, but..."

The way he said 'Papa' made Phillip shudder - the man fifteen years his senior suddenly sounded like a scared eight year old boy again. He lifted P.T.'s face and kissed his cheeks, his nose. He tasted the salt of the older man's tears and closed his eyes, pulling away just slightly to ask his next question.

"How?" he whispered. "How did she—"

P.T. yanked away (Phillip heard a thud as he banged his leg against his desk) and shook his head violently. Eyes wide and alarmed, Phillip tried to get him to calm down.

"It's okay," he assured P.T., "you don't have to talk about it. I promise. I'm sorry for asking. Please, it's all right."

He nuzzled his face into P.T.'s neck and kissed the soft skin there. P.T.'s hands shook as he brought them up to Phillip's back, holding him to his chest. The younger man could feel the trembling fingers through his shirt and cuddled closer. P.T. still had tears on his face, his hands still trembled, but his breathing slowly evened out as he focused on the task of talking.

"The cabin we lived in burned down shortly after she - after she died," he confessed. "Papa and I were left with... left with nothing."

Phillip inhaled sharply. P.T. had never mentioned anything about a first fire.

He lost it, then, and began to cry. Startled, P.T. jerked back and held him at arm's length, his own eyes still watery.

"Phillip, darling, what are you—"

"I'm sorry," Phillip choked. "I'm sorry for crying, when this should be about you. But I - oh God, Phineas."

"Wh-What—?"

"Everything!" Phillip cried. He hid his face in P.T.'s chest, too afraid to look at him. "You know all about my parents. All about the hell that I—"

He realized that he was derailing, about to make it all about him again, and quickly backtracked.

"But you've never talked about your mother," Phillip whispered. He turned his head to the side and stared at the wall, still too cowardly to look up into P.T.'s eyes. "Truth be told, I'd practically forgotten the thought of you even having one. I'm so sorry. I—"

"Phillip—"

"No! Don't make excuses for me, Phineas, please. I've been self-absorbed and selfish about my own childhood, I don't - I didn't—"

"Phil—"

"I didn't - I didn't even know her name before today, P.T. I'm sorry."

"It's not that big a deal," P.T. whispered. "It's all right, Phillip. You just - you just caught me at a... bad time. You weren't supposed to see—"

"Not a big deal?" Phillip's voice cracked again and he winced, but forced himself to look up at the ringmaster. "P.T., you were orphaned by the time you were fifteen."

P.T. flinched. It was quick, it was slight - but it was there.

And it devastated Phillip Carlyle beyond words.

"I'm so sorry," Phillip whispered. Shakily, he got out of P.T.'s lap. "I - I should have realized how much you were bottling up inside." He wiped at his eyes. He hated the fact that he was crying, making this all about him yet again. "P.T., you deserve - you deserve someone so much better."

"What are you... What are you saying, Phillip?"

"I didn't even know her name," Phillip choked. "P.T., I love you, but I - I didn't even know your mother's name. I didn't know that you lived in a cabin. I didn't - I didn't..." His words trailed off and the room swirled around him. He shook his head, attempting to regain focus. "P.T., you deserve... you deserve someone who isn't so... so fucking,"

P.T.'s eyes widened. Outside of their couplings, he'd never heard Phillip cuss before.

"absorbed in himself that he can't tell when the l-love of his life is hurting. You d-deserve..."

Phillip paused. He pressed a hand to his forehead as he took a deep breath.

"You deserve someone that can light up your world just as much as you can light up mine," he finished in a whisper.

Phillip turned away, finally letting the tears fall as he approached the doorway. His head hurt like hell - he needed a goddamn drink. But before he could even leave the office, he felt a hand around his arm, pulling him back.

"What did you call me?" P.T. breathed as he pulled Phillip against his chest. His eyes were still teary, but he managed a small, wobbly smile as Phillip turned to face him.

"I—" Phillip fumbled for speech, managing to choke over the words. What a perfect playwright he was. "Phineas, I d-don't—"

"Phillip," P.T. started, holding the younger man's face with love and tenderness. Phillip's eyes were dark and wide as he looked up at him. "Any man... any man that calls you the love of his life deserves complete and total honesty."

P.T. kissed him then, his lips soft and warm against Phillip's. Phillip closed his eyes and clung to P.T. tight, never wanting to let go, not even when they pulled away.

"I'm sorry for not telling you about my mother," the ringmaster spoke, running a finger underneath one of Phillip's red-rimmed eyes. His eyes looked like a hazel duplicate. "It wasn't because of you, Phillip. Please get that silly idea out of your head."

"You're the one with the silly ideas," Phillip muttered. Despite himself, P.T. grinned. But the grin quickly fell and he sighed as he glanced over at the picture once more.

"That picture is the one thing we managed to save from the fire, and that's only because it was used for her funeral."

"You remember her funeral?" Phillip asked.

P.T. nodded. "There are... things that I've never been open about with anyone," he admitted, "not even Charity. After my father died, it was just me and my mother's picture for the longest time and I kept the closest, most personal things to myself. The circus helped open me up some, but... some things are buried deep inside for so long that you just can't bear to bring them out into the open again. Not even when you have a pretty, blue-eyed apprentice,"

"Partner," Phillip scowled.

"ready and willing to listen," P.T. finished, grinning. He pulled Phillip closer and inhaled deep as he buried his nose in the younger man's hair.

"Still," Phillip sighed, stepping back. "I... I focus too much on myself, and I'm sorry. You've never liked the rain. I should've noticed—"

"Today," P.T. interrupted with a sigh. He stared down at the floor, "is the anniversary of her... her passing."

Phillip's eyes widened. P.T. looked up at his horror-stricken expression and nodded.

"That's why I... didn't come down for breakfast. I'm sorry. I know it's an unhealthy way to cope, but - well, you've always had an outlet for pain, Phillip. You have your plays and the ability to bleed on paper. My... matters are much too dreary for the circus to deal with."

P.T. looked down again, despite himself. Phillip's expression softened and he reached out, grasping P.T.'s hand in his.

"You have me," he promised. "From now on - you have me."

P.T.'s smile then was the most heartwarming thing Phillip Carlyle had seen in his life. The ringmaster sat in his chair again and gently picked up the picture of his mother. Phillip lowered himself into the showman's lap and laid his head on his shoulder.

"Tell me about her," he requested.

And so P.T. did.

***

The next time it rained, Phillip was prepared. Thunder roared and crackled outside as they ate hot breakfast in bed.

Afterwards, P.T. laid with his head on Phillip's bare shoulder as he spoke of the wooden toys and little knick-knacks his mother used to make him.