#THE HUMOUR THE EMOTIONAL IMPACT THE FUCKING MUSIC

[grand-theft-carbohydrates]

5mins into watching ya boy kongming: this is the dumbest premise ive ever seen

10mins into watching ya boy kongming: this is the dumbest premise ive ever seen. i love it.

[sitp-recs]

*posting this way too early to make sure she'll will get to see it today hihi*

Happy happy birthday @shiftylinguini! I wanted to do a little something to celebrate one of the coolest, most talented HP authors out there. Sami is literally the coolest. Anyone who knows me at this point has realized that horny smut and clever humor are the way to conquer my heart. And Sam delivers both - and also plots! Character development! Drama and romance! - masterfully. Fuck buddies, Auror partners, A/B/O, established relationship, triads, age gap (my beloved!), you name it. She’s written it all, with impeccable dialogue and UST.

Sami, I’ve been following your works for quite a few years now and they never fail to impress me with your unique and hilarious sense of humour, your charming and vibrant characters, the A+ banter and domesticity, the clever plots, the lush sexual tension, witty dialogue and above all, unfailing emotional resonance. You build charged yet playful atmospheres like no one else and I’m especially grateful for your iconic takes on creature fic and A/B/O, two tropes that never interested me much until I found Embers and became utterly obsessed with it.

Your fics have shaped my Drarry experience and appreciation for rare pairs over the years and I'm sure I'm not alone; I don’t think you even realize the impact or how seminal your works were to some of us. You’re both a Drarry and rare pair champion, which is why I wanted to take some time and give your phenomenal catalogue a shoutout by highlighting my all-time favorites. I hope you have a lovely birthday knowing how appreciated you are by all of us! Sending lots of love and wishing you a fantastic year ahead, my friend 💙

Safe (M, 2k) - Harry/Sirius

He’s not James, Sirius tells himself as Harry gets into bed with him on a cold Monday night. He’s not James, but Sirius is not Padfoot anymore either.

Toeing the Line (E, 3k) - Drarry + Teddy

Draco wasn’t sure why watching his partner fuck Teddy until he screamed was somehow less morally iffy for Harry than just doing it himself, but Draco wasn’t about to judge. Not when he was balls deep, anyway. Read my rec here.

(Don’t) Behave (E, 3k) - Teddy/Charlie

Teddy is a bit of a mess, and Harry is at his wits’ end with his eighteen-year-old godson. Sending him to Charlie, thinking the older man could knock some sense into the kid, seemed like a great idea.

Sardines (E, 4k) - Scorbus + Jeddy

It’s bad enough his cock is hard from listening to the impromptu midnight pornography of his brother getting off; Albus is not going to add seeing it to the list of reasons why he lost his mind, and presumably his eyesight, on the eve of his grandmother's seventieth. Read my rec here.

A Noir Cliche (T, 4k) - Drarry

Draco is not a Healer. Harry doesn’t get hurt on purpose. They really have to stop meeting like this. Read my rec here.

Five Years (M, 4.7k) - Drarry

For Draco, December means finding somewhere he can lose himself in the thrum of a crowd and the throb of music ― and Potter. It always means Potter now, too. Read my rec here.

Float (E, 5k) - Drarry

After a night out, Harry wakes up feeling like he slept on concrete, like his body's made of sand, like he accidentally pissed on his housemate the night before. Because he did accidentally piss on his housemate the night before.

Splat (E, 5.8k) - Albus/James

Of all the things to happen to them, this is truly, truly the last thing James expected. Cw: incest, mild gore

Up The (E, 7.5k) - Drarry

“I feel I need to point out,” Draco kissed gently over Harry’s Adam’s apple, “that this is the most Gryffindor approach to conception that could possibly exist.” Or: Harry's had madder ideas.

forget what I need, give me what I want (and it should be fine) (E, 8k) - Draco/James

But even on those nights when the club is mad with punters and there are staff running ragged from one end to the other, Draco doesn’t need to be working behind the bar ― he just likes it.

Service Bell (E, 8k) - Drarry

Draco is: a werewolf, living in a cabin in the woods, minding his own business, and never going to buy plaid because he's not that much of a fucking cliche (yet). He's also counting down the days until he sees Harry again.

Teeter (E, 10k) - Drarry

Draco wants to come, Harry has other ideas, and they both might be doing this whole 'casually sleeping together' thing a bit wrong.

Hallo Spaceboy (T, 10k) - Jeddy

James’d had to give up on the eyeliner after that; he was grinning too hard, flushed and happy and basking in Teddy’s attention (fit blokes, we’re fit blokes, that’s us), and he couldn't bloody stop. Or: James kissed Teddy last night. This may or may not be the end of the world.

Team Players (E, 15k) - Jeddy + James/Oliver

Everyone has that one celebrity they’d move heaven and earth to get between their legs, and James Potter is no exception. He just never anticipated that number one on his Freebie List would end up in the same room as him, let alone would make the first move. Read my rec here.

Darling, Don’t Think Twice (E, 18k) - Harry/Teddy

Leaving the Aurors, and then England, after his divorce with Ginny was finalised was the best thing for Harry, and for Ginny, too ― but not for the godson who worshipped the ground he walked on. Now that he’s back, all Harry wants is to set up his own place, and to spend time with Teddy as he tries to fix their fractured relationship.

Celestial Bodies (E, 20k) - Drarry

“An astrological anomaly induced bond,” Harry repeats, deadpan, as the Head Healer of the Magical Malfunctions ward finishes announcing his prognosis. “Space magic,” says Draco, tapping long fingers irritably against the arm of his chair. “You’re saying we’ve been zapped by space magic.”

Two Weeks (E, 22k) - Drarry

If Harry had to guess which out of he or his Auror Partner, and tentative new friend, Draco Malfoy, would turn out to have Veela ancestry, his answer would be: neither, because that is ridiculous.

Midnight in the City of a Hundred Spires (E, 25k) - Drarry

Harry Potter is a missing person. Draco Malfoy is a vampire. They are the last two people one would expect to bump into each other in a Creature Bar in Prague, yet to Draco’s absolute shock that is definitely Harry fucking Potter sitting across from him.

Embers (E, 41k) - Drarry

Werewolf Alphas aren't meant to be alone, or to suppress their ruts indefinitely like Draco has been since he was bitten eight years ago. He needs company, companionship, to knot ― he needs an Omega Heat Companion. Read my rec here.

Heartlines (E, 72k) - Drarry

Harry never expected he’d end up chipping away at his virginity while wandless and bonded to Malfoy in Northern Europe. He never expected that would turn out to be the least surprising thing to happen while out on their training expedition in the middle of nowhere, either. Read my rec here.

[gotta-get-back-to-hatchetfield]

An unsolicited take on the Twisted soundtrack from some bitch that can barely read music

Since we’re at the end of Twisted week I just want to add a quick(ish) note on the soundtrack because while I am so glad that the absolutely glorious and iconic lyrics get so much credit, I think not enough is said about the actual music itself. So, introducing an unsolicited take on the Twisted soundtrack from some bitch that can barely read music.

Twisted is unique among Starkid musicals in that the thing it’s parodying is also a musical and goddam did AJ rise to the challenge. Specifically I think the thing that makes the Twisted soundtrack so good for what it’s trying to do was the decision to sample Disney songs rather than either directly parody them or make them entirely original.

Part 1: Narrative

Firslty, using familiar Disney refrains acts like a shorthand to help you track the narrative, and allow you to draw on those emotions you’ve previously associated with the Disney equivelant of the song, almost like the effect of using a narrative/character trope. Good examples of this are ‘I Want Everything’ sampling ‘Part of Your World’ from the Little Mermaid and ‘Golden Rule’ sampling ‘Hakuna Matata’ and ‘Bear Necesities’ from the Lion King and the Jungle Book, because the Twisted songs fulfil a similar role in the story to the Disney ones they borrow from.

Book marking the narrative in this way, firstly makes it easier to follow what’s going on, which is important when you’re taking long ass detours about some guy fucking a tiger, but secondly it highlights where the plot deviates from the standard Disney narrative which is literally the whole point of Twisted. When Jasmine gets the standard Disney introduction of princess-that-wants-shit it makes it easy for us to connect with the character and understand the tropes she’s drawing from, by using the music to signpost to us that we have met this exact character before, not just in Aladdin, but in literally every Disney princess movie. This meas that the eventual character development she undergoes at the end, which is not typical of the Disney princess character arc, becomes more impactful. This is then where the decision not to rely too heavily on parodies really comes into its own, because (as far as I can tell) ‘The Power In Me’ doesn’t seem to sample any Disney songs, which signals to the audience that Jasmine has broken free from her trappings of her Disney character to become the Twisted character. This point is shown more generally by the fact that the songs in Act 1 sample Disney songs far more than in Act 2, because their role is to set up the tropes of a classic Disney story, whereas the songs in the second half exist to support its subversion.

( Fun note: The Starship soundtrack (my beloved) also uses this same trick. ‘I Wanna Be’ very clealry samples ‘Under the Sea’ from the little mermaid, and also serves a similar role in the narrative, ‘Kick it Up a Notch’ is very clealry in the style of every Disney villain song (and also what every Disney villain song wishes it could be) etc.. (and I do mean etc I could keep going on with this comparison ‘hideous creatures’ -> ‘kill the beast' etc...) )

Part 2: Humour

The contrast between hearing familiar Disney songs from childhood and Starkid style humour, really emphasizes certain jokes and takes them from funny to hysterical. My favourite example of this is the first joke of the musical which is hilarious and sets the tone brilliantly:

Jafar: and all the greatful citizens will say to me

citizens: fuck you, fuck you, fuck you

This joke, while hilarious anyway, is made so much funnier by the contrast between ‘Dream a Little Harder’ very heavily sampling ‘Belle’ from Beauty and the Beast. The sampled song sets our expectations for the kind of response we should expect to follow Jafar’s pronouncement, so then when the very un-Disney response of ‘fuck you’ comes along, still to the tune of the Disney version, our subconcious is taken by suprise which is one of the key ways that humour happens. The same thing is achieved by ‘I Want Everything’ leaning more heavily into ‘Part of Your World’ just as it comes up to some of the key punchlines in the song (e.g.’so the fuck what’, ‘I want the moon, I want to live on the moon, and eat it in a pie, and keep it was a pet, and wear it like a gemstone in my hair’). I also think this is why keeping ‘Take Off Your Clothes’ as a parody of ‘A Whole New World’, and also one of the only direct parodies in the whole show works so well, because the contrast between the words we expect to hear next (because we all subconciously know at least a good chunk of that song) and every single fucking sentence we actually hear makes it so much funnier than jus the lyrics alone ever could.

This is also yet another instance where I think they did just the right amount of sampling, because the contrast trick is an easy way of getting a cheap laugh on the night so would have been easy for them to lean into too much. But, the problem is since contrast jokes rely on a degree of suprise, once the audience starts to expect it (as would be the case if it had just been a soundtrack of 12 straight parodies) then it loses its power so by deploying it responsably and sparingly, it means it doesn’t lose its magic through the course of the musical and even on rewatches. There may come a day when I don’t spit out my drink on the opening joke but last week proved that it is not this day.

In conclusion the Twisted soundtrack is a masterpiece that feels exactly like a Disney soundtrack without straying too close to any actual ones that already exists. I also love the Brittany/Carlos pop cover of ‘A Thousand and One Nights’ as the end credits firstly because it fucking slaps and also because that’s such a Disney easter egg because they literally always do that.

It’s 3 in the morning and I know very little about either Disney or music so I might be wrong about some of the references so please feel free to add or correct any that I’m misidentifiying. Would be interessted to hear which ones other poeple have picked up on.

[thelonelynindroid]

10 Reasons why you should watch 'Kipo and the age of Wonderbeasts'

I could be wrong, but I haven't seen anyone do one of these posts for Kipo yet, and I just love this show *clenches fist* SO DANG MUCH, so here we go 1. The Representation ALL of the main characters are poc, except for the two who are literal animals. One of the main characters is also gay, and straight up says "I'm gay" onscreen, which is a big thing for a kids show!! It's the first time I've ever seen it anyway and it made me super happy. *MINOR SPOILERS* He also gets a boyfriend in later seasons, and they're adorable!! *END OF MINOR SPOILERS* 2. It's Finished All three seasons are out, so you won't have to wait months for new content, or worry about it being cancelled (*cough* like Netflix has done to a LOT of good shows) ! U good probably binge it all in three days. Two if you skip out on sleep 3. The Character Development The character arcs on this show r so fucking *chefs kiss*. Seriously, this show had me emotionally attached to a giant monkey, A cat with an axe, A fucking frog in a suit and a godamn piano playing mandrill. And that's without even MENTIONING the main cast, or any of the human characters. 4. The jokes Hear me out ok. I know shows targeted at kids sometimes overdo the comedy side of things, and while Kipo is SOMETIMES (Sometimes. Only sometimes. ) guilty of that, I fucking LOVE this shows humour. The comedy creates a rlly good balance with the serious stuff, bc trust me, this show HURTS sometimes. But the jokes are genuinely funny and feel natural to the characters, and r done in a way that if you rewatch you'll be laughing at things u didn't Even Notice the first time around. 5. The Music The entire soundtrack fucking slaps. And all the scenes set to music are choosen so perfectly it never ever fails to make me Feel Things. The soundtracks to all three seasons r also on Spotify, so u can jam all u want 6. The Compelling and Unique story set up Picture this: it's hundreds of years into the future. Thousands maybe, I can't remember exactly. Most humans have long retreated underground to live in 'burrows' after something caused animals to mutate, making them essentially equal to humans in terms of brainpower. These 'Mutes' now rule the 'surface', and are sworn enimies of human kind (the feeling is mutal). These formidable threats include frogs in suits, big fluffy cats with bigger sharp axes, rock playing snakes, and a monkey trying to recreate the french aristocracy. One day a human girl is thrown out of her burrow after an attack. She's got pink hair. She's got next to no impulse control. And she's got the biggest fucking heart. Yeah. That's Kipo. 7. The Character design and Visual artistry The character designs are unique and fit each person perfectly. And sound like a furry but...ALL the mute designs r so fucking awesome, no exceptions. I'm no animation guru but the show is so visualy pleasing, from chase sequences with PERFECT choreography to all the pretty Colours, which r hands down one of my favourite parts abt the show. It's just. Ugh. It's so pretty to look at ok. And so visually engaging!! There's always more to look at wherever u look, it's like an 'I always feel understimulated' DREAM 8. The Voice Acting I know this can be said of a hell of a lot of shows, but the voice cast is amazing. So many lines are so Emotionally raw and believable, it rlly gets you convinced that the characters are real people. 9. The Emotional impact, even through to the finale Kipo has so many moments that Get To Me. I cried like three times during season three. While the show is fun and upbeat (and an instant serotonin booster for me) it rlly has its heavier moments, and boy does the angst hurt sometimes. This impact carries thru all the way to the last episode. I know we've all been there, when ur favourite shows ending dissapoints. When there's multiple seasons build up to the climax, and the last few episodes just feel...flat. Kipo is not that show. 10. It deserves more love I know the Internet loves calling anything and everything 'underrated', but seriously, it is. With the amout of good characters, good rep, and good episodes, Kipo's fanbase is TINY compared to other amazing shows, like She-ra for instance. Kipo deserves more hype!! And I, ofc, want more ppl to scream about it with. So uh. Yeah. Thanks for coming to my TED talk, go watch Kipo?

[bdafic]

hi! you left a really lovely comment on one of my fics ages ago back in 2018 when it was on hiatus. I just want to thank you again for it. I am writing again now! I actually started reading RWTG and it was so! good! that I actually had to put it down because I was worried about being too heavily influenced by it. I am really looking forward to returning to it when my own story is farther along and I can safely enjoy it without fear of stealing from your brilliance. But even though I am (c)

not following the updates in real time I always read your excerpts when you post a new chapter, and it always makes me smile to see the chapter announcements on my dash. Writing such a long fic is hard!!! But every time you update it inspires me to get back to work on my writing. So I just wanted to say that while I am not actively reading and reviewing on AO3 right now I am cheering you on! Thank you so much for sharing your work with the fandom.

This is amazing thank you so much. I have done the same thing with some authors. Just been like “this is too good I cannot deal” and had to pace myself. But many I go back and read when I need to remember what what ‘amazing’ looks like, the same way listening to music can evoke the feelings you want to tap into. It’s virtually impossible not to be inspired or influenced by something you feel is beautiful, but I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. When I first found this fandom in 2016 it was reading @geeky_jez’s Tranquility that made me think I might have the courage to write and post. It was @pushtheheart‘s Slow Arrow and @nerdanel01‘s There Is Only Forward that gave me a framework for what a satisfying slow burn should feel like. @spirrum and circadian_rythm whose short-work flowed like poetry and soothed the stumbling blocks I hit whenever I thought it was impossible to produce anything but sharp, clumsy, garbage. @ellstersmash and @commonevilmastermind‘s introspection, @lavellanpls‘s humour, @soetzufit‘s characterization, @cedarmoons tension, and @feynites‘ lore-building. @corseque has flawless and unapologeticly bold meta that gave me deep insight into characterization and worldbuilding. @nipuni‘s emotional, visceral, art makes the tapestries and stained glass in the church of Solavellan. I could not have ever written a single word of RWTG without these people putting their content out first. Without coming back to it over and over again. They make up the foundation of my experience of learning to author, and especially while I have spent the last year recovering from a brain injury that has impacted both my speech and writing. They are the teachers of the masterclass. If I had credits to run at the end of the story, those names would be at the top.  If anyone wrote or drew or wondered anything because of something I produced, grabbed a phrase from one of my chapters that they went on to build a short story on, shared a vision they went in a different direction with, I love you. You are valid. Fucking do that shit. Be influenced, go on to influence someone else. 

This may end up being a hot take, but I cannot view that as theft. I think that’s the nature of creativity. <3 Thank you for taking the time to send this message.

[stellar-alley]

•The One With The Cookies•

A Reddie Oneshot

Summary: Eddie comes back from a stressful day at work and just wants to bake cookies.

~

Pulling into the driveway, relief filling Eddie Kaspbrak as he parked his car. A breath he didn't know he was holding escaped his lips, resting his head against the steering wheel. Content to have a moment of peace after a stressful day at work.

This was Eddie's fifth day at his new job, he was an intern to some big fashion designer, and he isn't the nicest guy. Although the job kinda sucked, he needed the money. Living life as a 23-year-old who rents an apartment with his boyfriend isn't cheap. He rubbed his temples, trying to rid the memory from his mind before grabbing his bag and heading inside the apartment building.

The elevator in the lobby has been broken since forever so everyone is forced to take the stairs. Usually, he would plug his earbuds in and listen to music but today he was fine with listening to the rhythm of his own heartbeat and the sound of his feet hitting the steps as he made his way up to the fourth floor, where his apartment was situated.

Eddie stopped short of his apartment door, for a moment he was excited. The thought of the O Oreos he bought gave him a reason to bake, which always put the brunette in a good mood. Baking was his favourite hobby, he even had a website which he sold baked goods on. It was his favourite way of relieving stress, it was also the main thing he did when he was stressed.

Before another thought could cloud his mind, Eddie braced himself and opened the door, ready for a greeting from his roommate, his boyfriend. He entered the apartment and quickly shut it behind him.

He gave his apartment a once over, looking through the family room and the kitchen, then down the short hallway where 3 doorways lined the wall. Suddenly the door leading to his roommate room rapidly opened, revealing a boy of the same age as Eddie, with wild dark brown curls and thick glasses, he wore a red shirt under a white Hawaiian shirt. "EDUARDO" He exclaimed at the sight of his boyfriend.

A smile appeared on Eddie's face as he hugged his boyfriend, "Hey Rich". The words left his mouth sounding more like a sigh then actual words.

Richie suddenly pulled away from the hug, "Oh god, what's wrong?", tilting his head like a confused puppy.

"Work, It's tiring..." Eddie's voice trailed off. Richie slowly moved his hands up to cup Eddie's cheeks before he planted a kiss on his boyfriend's forehead. He let it linger for a moment before moving down, about to kiss Eddie's neck when he pulled away from Richie.

"Richie... I don't wanna do this right now" The shorter of the two said as the taller boy raised his hands up in defeat. "Whatever you say Eds", disappointment laced his voice as he slowly backed away from his boyfriend. He turned and made his way towards the kitchen where he opened the fridge, looking for something to eat.

Eddie took his time making his way into his room, slowly getting changed out of his work clothes and into something more comfortable. He grabbed a long-sleeve black shirt and his red shorts. He didn't spend much time choosing his clothes, he just wanted to bake the rest of the day away.

Walking back into the kitchen, he pulled up the recipe for the cookies on his phone. This was a new recipe for him, Eddie had been wanting to make them for a while, cheesecake oreo cookies. Even just the idea caused Eddie's mouth to fill with saliva as he pictured the cookies and the flavours and the textures.

Eddie looked over the ingredients one more time before making a mental list and padding around the kitchen for the things he needed, placing them on the counter as he collected them. Eddie opened up the cupboard which they kept all the cookies and sweets, searching for the Oreos he needed, but they were nowhere to be seen.

"Hey Eds, wanna catch up on Runaways?" Richie asked from his place on the couch.

"Sorry Rich, I've got a new recipe I wanna try out. Hey by any chance have you seen the Oreos I bought on the weekend?" He asked.

"Oh... Shit, sorry Eds I thought those were just like... snacking foods" Richie's cheeks turned pink as he pivoted around in his seat to see Eddie's disappointed face. "Oh babe I'm sorry, want me to go run and grab some from the store? I'll be back before you can say cheesecake Oreo cook-".

"No. It's fine, it's fine! That'd take too long, I already have all of the ingredients out..." Eddie's voice trailed off, trying to think of what to use instead "I'll just use chocolate chips".

He quietly sighed before looking for the last thing on his list. The flour, which was on the highest shelf in the kitchen

I really need to move that

The brunette rolled his eyes as he weighed his options. Ask Richie who's peacefully watching TV, which would disturb his peace, or grab one of the table chairs to use as a stool.

Oh god that's so unsafe

He realized before going with the best option. He got on his tippy toes and reached as high as he could. It's not that he didn't want to talk to Richie or anything, Eddie just needed a little time to himself, and Richie can just be so much sometimes, it's tiring when he only wants peace.

Eddie's fingers brushed against the bag of flour, he tried reaching even higher. He was able to push it a little, slowly pushing it towards the edge. Just as he was about to get a grasp on the bag, he felt someone slap his ass. Eddie jumped back, hitting his hip against the cupboards beside him. The pain from the impact immediately shot through his hip, causing him to curl up a little and move his hands to put pressure over the area where there was the most pain.

"What the hell Richie?" Eddie snapped, his voice serious, which caught Richie off guard.

The trashmouth did what he usually did, played it off with humour, "How could I not? Your ass is so cute" He winked at Eddie. After a moment he realized Eddie was actually in pain, he went to go console him when Eddie shooed him away.

"No-No, god you always do this" Eddie closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose.

This is gonna bruise so bad

Richie's face changed, his smile faltered as he raised an eyebrow, "What? What do I always do?" he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Annoy the living shit out of me!" Eddie spat.

The taller boy rolled his eyes, "Here we go again... Cause it's almost my fault isn't it? And you're such a little angel, right? I'm always the annoying shit, when all I wanna do is touch the fucking love of my life. But guess what? I CAN'T EVEN DO THAT!" Richie raised his voice.

Eddie's face was heating up now, all of the emotions building up like a dark group of clouds on the verge of a thunderstorm. "Yeah and I'm always the bad guy? All I want is some peace and fucking quiet but I never get shit with your trashmouth always joking about some bullshit".

There was a moment of deadly before Richie broke it, "Fine, enjoy your fucking peace and quiet, Kraspbrak", the tone of his voice was filled with anger and disappointment as he pushed past Eddie and went into his room, slamming the door before locking it behind him.

The moment Richie pushed past him, Eddie felt his emotions begin to overflow as a tear that burned like lava as it rolled down his cheek.

"F-Fuck, Fuck, FUCK!" He whispers shouted as he thrusts his fits against his side, in an attempt to try to relieve some of the anger that's building up inside of him.

I always do this

I always have to put other people in bad moods the moment things even go mildly wrong. It's not his fault I'm in a bad mood, so why is he the one I always take it out on? He just wants to love me...

Eddie slid down to the ground against the cabinet under the sink. He sat on the floor of his kitchen for a while, allowing himself to calm down and gather his thoughts.

He might be annoying as hell, always sarcastic and a fucking trashmouth

But he's my trashmouth...

~

When the time came to add the chocolate chips into the batter, Eddie carefully removed the bowl from its place in the mixer and set it down on the counter. Not bothering to clean the beaters that were filled with cheesecake cookie dough as he had other plans for them. He measured out the chocolate chips and poured the exact amount into the bowl. He folded the dough back and forth with a spatula. Which mixed the chocolate chips into the dough, making it perfectly polka-dotted.

He smiled down at the dough for a moment before realizing he needed a taste tester to make sure the dough tasted alright without the Oreos. But his official taste tester, Richie, had yet to emerge from his room, even after 2 hours. He retrieved a clean spoon from the dishwasher and scooped up a hefty amount of cookie dough, making sure the cookie to chocolate chip ratio was correct before shovelling the whole thing into his mouth.

His smile grew wider, spreading even to his eyes as the sweet sensation filled his mouth. He finally understood why Richie loved eating the cookie dough so much. Usually, Eddie cleaned off the beaters and the bowl until there were barely any remnants left, but Richie always insisted on cleaning them off with his tongue. Which Eddie never did himself, as he found it really unsanitary, but he enjoyed watching the joy spread through his boyfriend's face when he told him there were beaters to clean.

Suddenly an idea popped into the brunette's head before quickly got to work. He made the dough into little balls and placed them onto the cookie sheet. Then making some by only scooping out the dough with a spoon, Richie always preferred the ones that looked more imperfect compared to the perfect little circle ones Eddie always ate.

Once the last batch went into the oven and the rest of the cookies were on a rake to dry. Eddie removed the beaters from the mixer and placed them inside the bowl that still had dough remnants inside, sprinkling some chocolate chips inside to sweeten the deal.

He smiled down at his little peace offering before carrying it to Richie's locked door. He could hear the muffled sound of a Sam and Colby video coming from Richie's laptop, as today was the day the YouTubers usually posted. So before Eddie could think anymore about outcomes, he placed the bowl with the beaters inside, on the floor in front of Richie's door, quickly knocked then bolted down the hallway. He hid behind the corner, waiting to hear the sound of Richie's door open. There was a minute where Eddie worried whether he knocked hard enough before the sound of the youtube video paused, followed by some shuffling and the sound of his boyfriend's door creaking open.

There was a huff of air that came from Richie's nose as he smirked down at the bowl before him. He snatched it off the floor and closed his door. Eddie peaked around the corner just in time to see his boyfriend smile before closing the door.

Eddie waited until the last batch of cookies finished baking. He removed them from the oven and let them cool on the rack for a minute. Still warm he carefully picked 6 cookies from the still-warm batch and placed them on a plate. He grabbed two cups, filling them with milk and set up his little display on a tray.

He balanced everything surprising well until he realized he needed a hand to knock on the door that stood before him. A hand which he didn't have. His mind started thinking about the different ways to get Richie's attention right before the door slowly opened.

Richie stood before him. He had a couple of inches on Eddie so he smiled down at him, the corner of his mouth had a little cookie dough remaining, indicating that he enjoyed the dough. He opened the door up wider and said "You know you're the loudest tip toe-er ever, right Eds?" and there he was, Eddie's trashmouth.

Eddie entered his boyfriend's room, Richie moved to stand before his window, where the blinds were open, making Richie a dark silhouette. The shorter boy placed the tray down on his desk, where his laptop sat with the paused Youtube video.

Eddie quickly turned to face Richie and said "I'm sorry", he let out a sigh before continuing, "I was so tired from work, and I just needed a moment. I didn't mean to lash out at you cause I know you only wanna make me happy and I'm-" But before Eddie could finish rambling at top speed, a pair of lips collided with his.

The brunette kissed his boyfriend back, slowly moving his hands up to play with Richie's hair. "God, I love you" He whispered to Richie as he felt his lips smile against his own.

"I know Eds"

~

After a little bit more making out, the two finally settled down on Richie's bed. The darker haired boy sat cross-legged, back against his headboard and his boyfriend's head against his chest. Eddie laid on Richie with the plate of cookies carefully balanced on his chest, making it easily assessable for both of them. They laid there, enjoying the others company while they watched one of their all-time favourite stupid movies, The Hangover.

The room had grown dark as the credits began to roll. Eddie moved the now empty plate off his chest as he flipped over onto his stomach to face Richie.

"I really am sorry, you know" His eyes showing his sincerity.

"I know spaghetti, I could never stay mad at you" Richie smiled warmly down at Eddie before leaning in and kissing his boyfriend on the forehead.

[ronnytherandom]

Accidental Animated Film Week, or Watch Me Continue To Know Nothing About Media Analysis While I Liberally Abuse The Semicolon In An Attempt To Sound Smart

18/1/2021: Hotel Transylvania Lots of fun but this is a weird one, varies drastically in some strange ways. The comedy takes hit and miss to extremes, simultaneously being laugh out loud hilarious and possessing moments of ungodly cringe. The pacing is unbalanced with the first half feeling awkward, taking a while to really get into; the latter much too fast and not taking the necessary time, some scenes seeming to serve their function as minimally as possible. This metronome of quality exists primarily in these respects and is quite noticeable, but doesn’t ruin the experience and I think that’s testament to just how good the rest of it can be, though there are still caveats. The animation is fantastic, incredibly expressive and creates truly hilarious physical comedy, and I feel this is to be expected of a Genndy Tartakovsky film, I grew up with and deeply appreciate his animated features. The emotional core of the story really begins to hit in the latter half and is very effective though the Zing concept I take issue with the name because it just sounds too silly without being humorous; its just a weird little gripe, the word zing annoys me. That said I was genuinely invested in this love story which is a feat, I’m not a romantic person at all. The acting is generally very good, I enjoy the expanded cast and Adam Sandler is excellent but Andy Samberg’s Johnny has an accent that gets on my nerves and feels like he’s being a bit too heavy handed with it. Again, just a little gripe. The message is clear and heartfelt, strange as it seems to make the message for the parents of the features target audience it still works and resembles in parts the “dadification” that’s been occurring in media (especially video games) over the past decade. Ultimately, it’s a good time so long as you can deal with a few groan inducing moments and a little strangeness.

19/1/2021: Princess Mononoke Holy shit, why haven’t I watched this sooner. Transcendentally good! My new favourite film, an absolutely incredible achievement. For fear of wading into sub v dub controversy the English dub is good though I’m definitely going to watch it subbed at some point. Its Studio Ghibli, everyone knows that Miyazaki runs a fantastic operation, thus the art and animation is faultless. There are moments where every single frame is a true work of art. Induces nostalgia though I’ve never seen it before, the art style and tone of the soundtrack are endemic to the late 90s and remind me of the animation from my childhood. The message is also wonderfully nuanced, focusing less on Humanity’s responsibility for the natural world but rather a reconciliation between the ambition of humanity and the life of our world through respect and veneration of that which we’re dependent on to survive. I love the world so much; I think one of this film’s pinnacle achievements is conveying the impression of a deep living world with relatively little worldbuilding. Just watch it aight, everyone needs to watch it. Fucking Incredible.

20/1/2021: The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (rewatch)

Very Fun. Powerful nostalgia, I think I saw this literally hundreds of times as a child, may have had the whole thing memorised, and have always been a huge fan of the SpongeBob series. Even despite that I think there’s a lot of quality here. Pretty much every aspect of the film is enjoyable and well done, even if I think the moments featuring real people are kind of awkward. The gags and humour mostly hold up but I don’t think they have aged so well as the original run of the series, but there’s not much as can live up to that standard. Has a little to say about being a goofball, but ultimately its all about the gags for me with this one.

21/1/2021: Nausicaa: Valley of The Wind

Magnificent. Meaningfully very similar to Princess Mononoke, not quite as good, but still very worthwhile. I really like the mid-century sci fi vibe going on here and think the worldbuilding is excellent, though some of the expository dialogue is a little clumsy. I imagine there’s a little bit of nuance lost in the dub but cannot be certain as I don’t understand Japanese. That said, the voice acting is generally good. The art is magnificent, as it is wont to be in Studio Ghibli films; or in this case the proto-studio-Ghibli-film. That every culture has its distinct style is one of my favourite things, amongst which rank the Ohmu, Nausicaas glider and most of all Teto. Look at his little tongue! Most of all I love the ecosystem that arises from the polluted earth, how the earth cleans itself, it is a spectacular thought. I have an interesting thought about the soundtrack, specifically during actions sequences. The musical quality is good, especially the main theme, but there are issues with the editing of the action sequences’ music which intrigue me. Because the edit is always jarring and I don’t think the style of music necessarily fits the film; but I think it is a technical limitation, that contemporary audio systems were not necessarily able to apply the soundtrack in a less jarring manner. Just an interesting thought I had and I may look into the history of sound software etc. to see if that’s right. I think it is a beautiful work and well worth watching, I enjoyed it greatly.

23/1/2021: Howl’s Moving Castle

Good. Far and away less impactful than Mononoke and Nausicaa but still very good. Standard Ghibli points: Its beautiful, well animated and full of character. I find all the lead characters quite charming and well performed; it is set in a very interesting world with lots of interesting quirks and cool magic. Further it is powerfully meaningful, with a clear statement on confidence and empowerment. There’s just something about this one where the vibe is slightly off and I could not fully explain why. It feels disjointed, as though all the parts of the world are not fully connected. I feel like if you were to list the plot points in order some would be labelled “??????? Make it happen” as some events and conclusions are reached without purpose or motivation. Only some though and I’m not trying to seriously say it doesn’t make sense that’s just how I feel in post. I enjoyed it but I feel like I don’t fully understand this one.

24/1/2021: Spirited Away

Beautiful. This one I think is the best showcase of Ghibli’s style: the art is beautiful; the water is viscous and the spirits are fantastically grotesque. There’s a vibrant world shown here with a lot of charming characters and expressive animation which I think creates the most visually stunning of the Ghibli films that I’ve seen so far, though I fear I’m a bit basic and unsophisticated as I still prefer what I recognise as more traditional fantasy and sci-fi worlds like Mononoke and Nausicaa. I feel the story is also a well nuanced coming of age tale as it balances between relying on your friends and standing up for yourself. I also really like Yubaba or more generally how antagonism is handled throughout this movie; and to an extent in the broader Ghibli canon. Rather than create comically evil villains who exist purely to do bad these features all showcase antagonists with genuine sensible motivations driving their action and the only thing defining them as antagonists is the framing and perspective. On that point you could argue that Yubaba is the closest to a genuine villain but I think the materialist-critical aspects are more of an aside than a genuine statement, as appreciable as they are.

[wiganjazzzz]

Tremendous

The Blue Note documentary that is currently on the BBC i-player Blue Note Records: Beyond the Notes is as brilliant as you would hope. Billed as "a revelatory, thrilling and emotional journey behind the scenes of Blue Note Records, the pioneering label that gave voice to some of the finest jazz artists of the 20th and 21st centuries". The film tells the story of how German Jewish refugees Alfred Lion and Francis Wolff founded the label Blue Note in 1939 New York. Unlike anybody before them, they allowed their musicians complete freedom and it was this approach that led to records that did not just revolutionise jazz but left an indelible imprint on art, style and music, including hip hop. With many of the original musicians no longer with us, it is left to jazz giants Herbie Hancock and Wayne Shorter to come together with today’s generation of groundbreaking Blue Note artists such as Robert Glasper and Ambrose Akinmusire to record an all-star album. These reflections lead us back to the highly influential figures of the past on which the legacy of Blue Note has been built, including Thelonious Monk, Bud Powell, John Coltrane, Art Blakey, Horace Silver and Miles Davis. The archive footage is magnificent, the genius shines through while the humour is apparent throughout the one-and-a-half hours playing time. But it is so much more than that. It provides a social history of both jazz and the United States of America. It never shies away from the racism nor the drug habits of many of the artists. The film also delves into the impact that the artwork of Blue Note Records had on the design world and then there are the clothes. This is truly beyond cool. Just check out the suits, shirts, shawls and shoes worn by the musicians and those behind the scene. With jazz having another wonderful moment at the time then it's great to look back and realise just how fucking cool all of this was. Then there's the music. the music that is quite simply some of the greatest that has ever been written. Tunes that swing and soar and melodies that have become earworms for 80 years. It's all just too cool, too stylish, too cool, too fantastic!

For the next three weeks or so you can access it here 

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

“Us” (2019) - Thoughts (SPOILERS!)

So I watched Jordan Peele’s “Us” today at the cinema and I just need to get some stuff off my chest about it because I went alone and have no one to discuss it with xD

Please do NOT read if you want to avoid SPOILERS!!!!

This movie creeped the fuck out of me - it wasn’t a particularly jumpscare-filled movie but it was creepy as fuck

So the movie opens with Adelaide going to this funfair/amusement park and wandering off into a house of mirrors. There she meets an exact clone of herself (Red) and she’s not the same since. She’s traumatized and can’t really speak about it, though they say she takes up dance or something as a way to express herself

That opening with the creepy choir music and rabbits? What the fuck? I did not need that nightmare fuel?? :))

I literally had no idea about the amount of tunnels that are apparently under America but woW OKAY THAT’S NOT UNSETTLING AT ALL

Fast forward to present day and she’s an adult with a husband and kids, and they’re at the beach where the above stuff happened, and she’s super freaked out about it.

The Tyler family are literally so white privilege - and I say that as a white person. It’s fucking hilarious. “It’s vodka o’clock” - lmao that really is such a white thing to say

Also the twins?? They were Ross and Rachel’s daughter, Emma, in Friends when they were babies?? 

I actually liked most of the humour to be honest, it kind of lulled you into a false sense of security

Zora pretending to turn off her phone and then continuing to use it once her mom had gone was so relatable tbh

I probably shouldn’t have taken my glasses off and redone my hair at the exact moment the Tethered people showed up because I’m blind as a bat and it was a blur for a full minute whilst I tried to rearrange my goddamn headband

Pluto (Jason’s ‘Other/Tethered’ person) was literally so fucking creepy; maybe it was the mask, maybe the movements, maybe everything put together...but holy S H I T. NIGHTMARE FUEL

The story that Red was telling about the shadow?? Y I K E S. 

Also Red needs to drink some water, it was super unsettling

I’m never going to look at scissors the same way again

Yo the Tylers getting murdered happened so fast WTAF 

Love how we were tricked into “oh they’re out there?? oh no they’re not, haha cool...fUCK o_O”

I probably should not have laughed so hard when Kitty called out to “Ophelia” to “phone the police” and it went “now playing fuck the police” XD

Also “Ophelia”?? I see you with your “Alexa” parody, movie!

Can I just say that the twins and their Tethered selves doing gymnastics freaked me out way more than anything else in any other horror movie yIKES

The scene where Kitty’s doppelgänger (Dahlia I think?) puts on lipstick, goes to hurt Adelaide but then cuts her own face open instead and laughs?? Literal chills, man

Being a gore fan, I really appreciate the sheer amount of blood in this film, 11/10 high-key recommend 

I can’t believe that every time we eat anything, the Tethered versions of ourselves have to eat raw rabbit like??? gross?? definitely not having nightmares about that...

The white people’s boat is called B’Yacht’ch I fucking cannot

Also usually in horror movies, it’s a cliché that the “token black person” dies first but in this film it’s the irritating white people who all die, and all of the black family survive this is good content

The soundtrack is A+

The fight scene/dance duel scene? With the remix of “I got 5 on it”? BEAUTIFUL. POETIC CINEMA I SWEAR

THE TWIST AT THE END BYE

I am so confused and questioning everything I know, what the fuck Jordan Peele

Okay so the “twist” deserves it’s own section because bitch the FUCK

So the huge twist (SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER) is that Adelaide and Red switched places right at the start of the movie - so the person who we think is Adelaide is actually Red, and vice versa

I’m not saying the twist was bad but I kinda knew already that Adelaide and Red were switched at the beginning of the movie - I mean the moment is heavily implied in the trailer!

I think they drop so many hints/clues throughout the film that it starts to add up quickly

First of all, the fact that Adelaide-who-is-really-Red only drinks water and barely eats anything. Like she repeatedly refuses to drink any alcohol too

It’s mentioned that Adelaide-who-is-really-Red doesn’t talk a lot, and at first it’s like “oh it’s the trauma of whatever happened in the funhouse” but then it makes sense that it’s actually Red

Adelaide-who-is-really-Red REALLY did not want to be back at that beach - again you assume it’s because “trauma” but nah, it’s because she knows what she did

The way Adelaide-who-is-really-Red killed one of the doppelgängers was kinda reminiscent of how the Tethered were killing people

The story that Red-who-is-really-Adelaide tells about giving birth to those ‘monsters’ seems oddly human for something supposedly without a soul (since she mentions that the experiments duplicated the human body but they couldn’t do the soul) - and then it’s like “...oh fuck”

Red-who-is-really-Adelaide knows that ‘real’ people eat proper food because she ate it herself; ‘real’ children get proper toys because she did too, etc. 

The reason that Red-who-is-really-Adelaide’s voice is so hoarse/raspy is because Adelaide-who-is-really-Red choked her into unconsciousness before taking her place

To add, Red-who-is-really-Adelaide is the only ‘Tethered’ who can actually talk

The fact that the beginning of the movie shows Red-who-is-really-Adelaide watching an advert for People of America on TV (the people holding hands across the country), it’s on her t-shirt when the switch happens and then that’s exactly what the Tethered start to do. Also, near the end of the film, you see her cutting up those paper-chain-people who are holding hands 

The Thriller t-shirt; right at the end of the Thriller music video, there’s the whole identity question of “is he who we think he is”? (I think)

So, here are a few gripes I had despite overall liking the movie;

It started off kinda slow, which was good in some ways because of tension and character establishment etc, but putting a whole two to three minutes opening credits thing really slowed it down a lot after the opening (though I did like the soundtrack during those credits)

Despite the switch being relatively well-done and a good twist, it just seemed really obvious after seeing the trailer

The twist sort of brought some plotholes but I’m going to bring that up in my question section in a sec since it may be intentional (you’ll know what I mean in a second)

I feel like a few times during the film, it was building up tension to be terrifying/scary but then the “punch”, as it were, came too soon to reach its full potential - like it peaked a tad too early

Finally, questions I have after the movie! (and boy, do I have questions)

Does Red-who-is-really-Adelaide not know that she’s not one of the Tethered? Did she forget completely? Like why does she want and plan to kill all “normal” humans? She must retain SOME memory because she talks about food/toys, plus the People of America/holding hands thing. 

Also does Adelaide-who-is-really-Red not remember that she’s one of the Tethered at all before the end of the film? 

The Tethered are all shadows of the “normal” people (for lack of a better phrase), so why is Adelaide-who-is-really-Red able to a) speak normally, b) dance so well, c) move more “normally”? And why does Red-who-is-really-Adelaide not move “normally” (eg. the dance parallel) when she’s “normal”?

^^ I wonder if over time they both forgot or repressed those memories, and only fragments remained. And then Adelaide-who-is-really-Red only remembers at the end that she’s actually a Tethered-person.

Adelaide-who-is-really-Red is a Tethered-person, right? So does that mean that the “normal” Zora and Jason are half-Tethered? Is that why they manage to survive so well or...?

Why does Red-who-is-really-Adelaide want to kill everyone in the outer-world? Is this supposed to reflect not separating “us” vs “them” or something? She clearly got loose from being cuffed to the bed, so why didn’t she escape after and go back home?

^Also, who uncuffed her? And why? Was it the Tethered?

Sometimes it’s like the Tethered completely mirror the “normal” versions, and then other times they don’t. Which is it? Why?

What happens next?? What is the purpose of the Tethered all holding hands in a line? What are they hoping to achieve? Are they trying to send a message?

Jason seems to realize that Adelaide-who-is-really-Red is...well, actually Red - and so does she now. What impact does this have? Is she going to go crazy and kill her family? 

Do Tethered have feelings? Or emotions? Because Adelaide-who-is-really-Red married Gabe so...? You know?

Is the fact that neither of them remember the switch that well/they both adapted supposed to signify that souls aren’t a real thing?? Because supposedly that’s what the Tethered lack?

Are there Tethered for ALL of America or just Santa Cruz? And what about the rest of the world? Do I have a Tethered-version of myself??

Finally, if there is a Tethered version of me out there, I’m sorry for eating so much since that means you’ve had to eat a fuck ton of raw rabbit :’( Please don’t kill me, we can be friends!

Overall, though, I did enjoy the movie! :)

[monstaxnight]

Can you do a answering jooheons booty call at 3 am drabble😈🔥 luv you have a nice day bebe❤💋❤💋💋❤❤💋

Warning: NSFW references.

The night is deep and dark and you’re sleepless, staring up at an unanswering ceiling.

Music is deafening in your ears, blasting through in-ear buds so loud it numbs your brain.

Good.

Your phone rests on your chest, warm against the thin fabric of your sleepwear.

Gently, it begins to vibrate. Once, and then again.

Instinctively, without knowing why, you immediately know who it is.

Bad news.

Your fingers curl around the body of your cell, tilting it up to check the message flashing across the screen. There’s a picture and some text, but your eyes zone in on the name you knew you’d read.

Honey.

You still had him saved as that. It had been three months since the break-up, and you’d never been able to edit his details.

You pressed the chat box and it blew up, revealing a large picture of your ex-boyfriend. The quality was grainy and slightly blurred from the darkness of his surroundings, which you assumed was the back seat of a taxi. But even in low quality images, Jooheon had a high quality impact on your body.

The picture was accompanied by the text: “…are you alone? tell me you’re alone.”

Your heart flutters, tingling at the thought of him yearning for you.

Missing you.

As though he can read your thoughts, he double messages: “I miss your body.”

Your abdomen clenches at the words, deep in that place that used to be his. Deep in the place he misses.

Your thumbs bounce against the screen as you type: “Are you wasted?”

Almost immediately, he replies: “little bit.”

You push the covers away from your legs, the heat of your emotions making it too warm beneath their thick press. The night air is cool against your exposed skin, and you felt a little urge to undress, to get ready for him and his urgency.

He’d always had a powerful effect on you.

Half-trashed and impatient for your reply, he texts again: “how else am i ever going to forget the way you feel? those little fucking noises you make when you come or the way you want it so hard…babe, just tell me you’re alone.”

Everyone always said how good a boy Jooheon was. How lovely and cute and polite and well-humoured he could be. But they’d never known him like you had, and from your perspective it had often felt like he was a very bad boy who tried very hard to be a good one.

And you loved that about him.

Those glimpses of something darker? Something raw?

You had lived for it.

“You wanna come over, then?” you type, dragging your lip between your teeth.

[the-desolated-quill]

Quill’s Swill - The Worst Of 2018

Congratulations dear reader. You survived 2018. And you know what that means. It’s time for another best of/worst of list. Welcome to Quill’s Swill 2018. A giant septic tank for the various shit the entertainment industry produced over the course of the year. The films, games, TV shows and various other media that got on my bad side. As always please bear in mind that this is only my subjective opinion (if you happen to like any of the things on this list, good for you. I’m glad someone did) and that obviously I haven’t seen everything 2018 has to offer for one reason or another. In other words, sorry that Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes Of Grindelwald isn’t on here. I’m sure it is as terrible as some have been suggesting. I just never got around to watching it.

Okay everyone. Grab your breathing masks and put on your rubber gloves. Let’s dive into this shit pile.

Hold The Sunset

The news that John Cleese would be returning to the world of BBC sitcoms was incredibly exciting, being a massive Fawlty Towers fan and all. Unfortunately Hold The Sunset was not quite what I had in mind. It’s one of those rare breed of situation comedies that chooses to offer no actual comedy. It’s not a sitcom. It’s a sit. Like Scrubs or The Big Bang Theory.

An elderly couple plan to elope abroad only for Alison Steadman’s son to barge in, having left his wife, and forcing them to put their plans on hold. Hence the title ‘Hold The Sunset.’ It’s like a cross between As Time Goes By and Sorry, but if all the humour and relatability were surgically removed by a deadpan mortician. The characters are weak, the plots are thin on the ground and the humour (hat little of it there is) feel incredibly dated. The middle aged mummy’s boy is something that hasn’t been funny since the 90s. It’s an utter waste of great talent and what hurts even more is that this tripe is actually getting a second series. I can only assume the people watching this are comatose. Either that or there’s an epidemic of people in Britain who have lost the remote.

Avengers: Infinity War

Yes this is one of the worst movies of 2018 and no I don’t regret saying that one little bit. Avengers: Infinity War was fucking terrible. Period. There were too many plots and characters going on, which made the film hard to follow (and what staggers me is that the so called ‘professional’ critics have condemned movies for having too many characters and plots before. Spider-Man 3, The Amazing Spider-Man 2, Batman vs Superman: Dawn Of Justice and even Deadpool 2. But because this is an MCU movie, it gets a free pass. Fuck off). The characterisation was weak due to sheer number of characters they try to juggle, resulting in characters coming off as one dimensional caricatures of themselves and scenes where characters such as Iron Man, Doctor Strange and Star-Lord sound completely interchangeable. The villain, Thanos, is a stupidly and poorly written villain, but that’s hardly surprising considering what a shit job Marvel have done building him up over the course of these 20+ movies. And let’s not forget that pisstake ending. A bunch of prominent Marvel characters die and it’s all very, very sad... except all these characters just so happen to have sequels planned, which makes this ending fucking pointless and have less impact than a feather on a bouncy castle.

I don’t know which is more shocking. That Marvel and Disney think their audience are that stupid and gullible, or that their audience are actually validating their view. Fuck you Disney.

Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery

I’ve always wanted a Harry Potter RPG, where you could customise your character, choose your house and actually live a full school life at Hogwarts. This year, Warner Bros and Jam City gave us just that.

That was a mistake.

Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery is the epitome of everything that’s wrong with the mobile gaming market right now. The gameplay is boring and involving where you just tap images on a screen until a progress bar fills up. Wizard duels are little more than rock-paper-scissors challenges that require no kind of skill. Bonding with friends and caring for magical creatures just consist of pathetically simple pop quizzes and yet more boring tapping. Oh and of course you only get a certain amount of energy to complete these tedious tasks. If you run out of energy, you wait for it to fill up... or pay up for the privilege. So determined are they to extract your hard earned cash from your wallet, there’s actually a bit where Devil’s Snare strangles your eleven year old avatar and the game effectively tries to guilt trip you into paying micro-transactions to save them. It’s sleazy, gross and manipulative. Honestly, you’re better off just playing Candy Crush.

Agony

When the developers of this game said they wanted to give the player a trip through Hell, they had no idea how true that statement really was. Agony is dreadful on a number of levels. The design for Hell itself, while visually interesting at times, is often not very practical and gets quite dull and repetitive after a while. The stealth mechanics are a joke and the AI of your demonic enemies are pitiful. All of this alone would have been enough to put this game on the list, but then we also have the casual misogyny. Agony is a gorefest trying desperately to shock the player. We see men and woman get tortured, but it’s the women that often get the extreme end. The violence inflicted on them is often sexual in nature and the game seems to go out of its way to degrade and dehumanise women at every turn. The orgasmic cries of ‘pull it out’ quickly become a staple of the game’s experience as we see naked women raped, tortured and murdered, all for the purposes of ‘entertainment.’

I would call Agony sexist, but honestly that would be giving it too much credit. Agony is like a little child trying desperately to be all dark and edgy in a pathetic attempt to impress everyone around him, and we should treat it as such. Go to your room Agony. No ice cream for you.

Peter Rabbit

If you listen closely, you can hear the sound of Beatrix Potter rotating in her grave.

Yes we have yet another live action/CGI hybrid, but instead of something innocuous like the Smurfs or Alvin and the Chipmunks, Sony instead decides to adapt Peter Rabbit, with James Corden in the title role.

It’s about as bad as you’d expect.

Their attempts to modernise the story are painful to say the least with pop culture references, inappropriate adult humour and twerking rabbits. Plus rather than the gentle, but slightly mischievous character we got in the source material, here Peter is a sociopathic delinquent who seems to revel in making the farmer’s life a living hell. He’s unlikable and unwatchable as far as I’m concerned and the film doesn’t in anyway earn the emotional moments it tries so desperately to sell to the audience. And the worst part is it’s getting a sequel.

Wait. Do you hear that sound? That’s the sound of Beatrix Potter tearing out of the ground, ready to kill whatever idiot came up with this shit.

Fallout 76

I was excited for Fallout 76. A MMORPG where players band together to rebuild society after a nuclear apocalypse. Could have been great. Pity it wasn’t.

Fallout 76 is a dreadful game. Not only is it a buggy, glitchy mess that requires a constant online connection to play, which could result in you losing hours of progress if your WiFi went down, it’s also unbelievably tedious, and that’s because there’s nothing to do in the game. There’s no other characters to interact with, the various robots and computers you come across are really little more than quest givers, there’s no actual plot so to speak, and because of the sheer size of the world and the number of players allowed on a server, the chances of you actually meeting any actual players is remote. And let’s not forget all the behind the scenes drama. Bethesda falsely advertising Fallout themed canvas bags and players getting shitty nylon ones. Bethesda accidentally releasing the account information of various players trying to get a refund for said bag. Bethesda failing to program the year 2019 into the game code, meaning that the game’s nukes don’t work.

Maybe there’s a chance that Bethesda could pull a No Man’s Sky and fix everything over the coming years with various patches and DLCs, but the damage has already been done. It’s incredibly disappointing. The Elder Scrolls 6 is going to have be fucking incredible to win everyone back.

Mama Mia!: Here We Go Again

I can’t stand jukebox musicals anyway, but Mamma Mia was always one of the worst. Its boring, meandering story with its one note, obnoxious cast of characters screeching out ABBA songs like they’re at some drunken karaoke session at some poor sod’s hen party has always grated on my nerves. So imagine my delight when they announced we were getting a sequel. Ever wondered how Meryl Streep met her three lovers and founded her hotel? No? Well tough shit, we’re going to tell you anyway.

Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again is basically just Mamma Mia again. The actors still can’t sing, the characters are still annoying and story is still boring and meandering, completely at the mercy of the chosen songs rather than the filmmakers using the songs to compliment the story (you know? Like proper musicals do?).

How can I resist you? Very easily as it turns out. Gimme, gimme, gimme a fucking gun so I can end my misery.

The Cloverfield Paradox

A lot of people were unhappy about the direction Cloverfield was going. They wanted a continuation of the found footage, kaiju movie from 2008, not an anthology series. I was personally all in favour. Partially because I thought the first Cloverfield was a tad overrated, but mostly because I thought it would be a great opportunity for more experimental film projects and could be a great launchpad for new writers and filmmakers. 10 Cloverfield Lane was a great start. Then The Cloverfield Paradox happened.

The Cloverfield Paradox is basically JJ Abrams trying to have his cake and eat it too. Maintaining the anthology format whilst connecting everything together in a ‘shared universe’ (yes, yet another shared universe). The result was a cliched, poorly edited and idiotic mess of a film that actually took away from the previous two films rather than added to them. Everyone hated it and, as a result, 2018′s Overlord, which was totes going to be part of the Cloververse, was made its own standalone film and Abrams double pinky promised to make a true sequel to the original Cloverfield. A complete and total disaster. No wonder it was a straight-to-Netflix film.

The Handmaid’s Tale - Season 2

This is probably going to be the most controversial entry on the list, but please hear me out because I’m not the only one who has a problem with this season.

I was reluctant to watch The Handmaid’s Tale simply because of how gruesome the original book was, but I forced myself to watch the first season and I thought it was pretty good. It remained faithful to the source material for the most part and included some nice additions that helped to expand the story and mythos. If it was just a one off mini-series, everything would have been fine. But then they made the same mistake as The Man In The High Castle and Under The Dome did where they commissioned another season and attempted to tell a story that goes beyond the book.

There’s a reason why the original story ended where it did. The Handmaid’s Tale isn’t meant to be an empowering story about women sticking it to the patriarchy. It’s a cautionary tale about how fragile our civil rights truly are and how easily they can be taken away from us. It’s designed to shock, not to satisfy. So seeing a handmaid blow herself up in a suicide bombing feels very incongruous and just a little bit silly. It would be like doing a TV adaptation of George Orwell’s 1984 where the first season followed the source material and then the second season turned Winston Smith into this heroic freedom fighter trying to overthrow Big Brother. It would represent a fundamental misunderstanding of what the book was about in the first place.

And then of course there’s the increased level of violence in Season 2, which many have complained about. In Season 1 and the original source material, the violence was justified. In Season 2, the motivation behind the violence has gone from ‘how can we effectively demonstrate how easily a fascist patriarchy can happen in the West?’ to ‘what brutal act can we inflict upon Ofglen to shock the audience this week?’ It’s purely for shock and nothing more. And with the showrunner (who I feel I should mention is a man) announcing that he has planned ten seasons of this, it seems that The Handmaid’s Tale is going to go even further with this depravity until it effectively becomes the equivalent of a Saw film.

The Handmaid’s Tale exists as a way of shining light on and critiquing misogyny in its most extreme form. Season 2 however demonstrates that there is a serious risk of it becoming the very thing it’s criticising in the first place.

The Predator

I love the Predator franchise, but The Predator is the worst.

People thought that this would be good because director Shane Black had actually starred in the first Predator movie back in 1987. Instead we got this bloated, confusing, obnoxious and insulting mess of a film that seems to go out of its way to ruin everything that makes Predator so good. There’s no tension. No suspense. No intrigue. Just a bunch of gore, explosions and shitty one liners from annoying and lifeless characters. They essentially took this big alien game hunter from outer space and turned him into a generic monster from a bad summer blockbuster. It no longer hunts for sport. It wants to take over the world and splice our DNA with theirs. But don’t worry, a rogue Predator doesn’t want to kill humans (even though he himself kills a bunch of humans), so he gives us a Predator Iron Man suit to set up a sequel that will probably never happen because this movie was a box office bomb and it fucking SUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKKEEEEEDDDD!!!

This film also has a very nasty streak towards those with disabilities. There’s a lot of jokes at the expense of a character with Tourette’s and it has an extremely ignorant and patronising view of autism, portraying the main character’s kid as being a super genius who can decipher the Predator language and even going so far as to say that he represents ‘the next stage of human evolution.’ Presumably the Predators want social communication difficulties because apparently it helps them hunt somehow.

What with Disney acquiring 20th Century Fox, the future of both the Alien and Predator franchises were very much in question. This film needed to be a success in order to make a case for Disney to keep making more of them. It wasn’t. Congratulations Shane Black. You might have just killed off this franchise for good. Thanks arsehole! :D

So those were my least favourite stories from 2018. Join me on Wednesday where we shall discuss something more positive. Yes, it’s awards season. Who shall win the coveted Quill Seal Of Approval? Watch this space...

Or don’t. It’s up to you. I don’t want to force you or anything. It’s a free country.

[beyondthedreamline]

what she says: I'm fine

what she means: So it’s interesting how the fact Loki probably had to have sex with Jeff Goldblum to keep himself alive and safe was both never made textual AND used as the butt of a joke (lol pun intended), because it doesn’t matter if Loki was sort of willing and it doesn’t matter if he’s sort of evil either - how can you give consent when you fall headfirst on a planet dominated by a psychotic pervert and why is sexual violence such a fun thing when it’s about men and this is James Bond all over again and how they inserted that ‘Maybe I got fucked before, you don’t know’ line during a high tension moment leading up to torture and possibly rape because that’s what’s fashionable now, gay subtext, amirite, which I’ve got nothing against but funnily enough it never seems to lead anywhere and hey, coming back to 'Thor: Ragnarok', isn’t it neat how the sexually ambiguous, feminine-coded brother ended up as a courtesan-slash-sex slave and the painfully straight übermensch brother got sent to the arena to fight and die and yay for novel and groundbreaking storytelling, right, because this is new, how women are sold into sex and/or need to pretend to be willing sexual partners to madmen so they have a shot at escaping violence and death while men are made to fight and somehow their kind of enslavement is recognized as terrible and tragic and something they're no part of, but women, eh, who can be sure about them, and my God, Loki couldn’t have been more stereotypically gay if they’d tried, I mean, Fashion-Conscious Drama Queen Initiates A Reign of Self-Obsessed Musical Theatre and how is that okay on top of Valkyrie, a canon bisexual woman, being coded as Thor’s love interest and also - #thor ragnarok #marvel #loki laufeyson #abuse for ts #rape for ts #negativity #imo this is the other problem with representation #we get one non white director #and we want to like him #we want to think he can do no wrong #but this movie #my god #it read like fanfiction #and not in a good way #also it was probably #the most misogynistic thor movie to date #just compare it with the first thor #where women were allowed to be women #also themselves #bc one thing i don't need #is women to get drunk and belch on screen #i mean sure #sometimes women do that #but this sudden idea #that feminist movies #need to have women act like (fictional) men do #well i hate it #sorry for ranting #but i do #i'd take a thousand jane forsters @awed-frog Okay, I reblogged the original post by @awed-frog but the text came out so strangely that it’s irritating the hell out of me, so I’m making a new post in the hope Tumblr doesn’t glitch it up too. This perspective on ‘Ragnarok’ is so interesting I have to respond to it, because I had completely the opposite reaction to everything! I loved the structure and pacing and the endless supply of in-jokes (the Douglas Adams reference most of all). This is a story with distinctly Antipodean humour, which you may or may not get – I sometimes struggle with the American humour in Marvel movies, different cultures tell their jokes different ways. The emotional beats were quiet and strong, trusting in the audience to understand their significance without overstatement: Thor going through funeral rites as best he can while imprisoned, Loki’s visible distress at the idea of Thor leaving him behind. There was also finally some solid textual support for Loki being more than a villain – which, given all the things he’s done to Earth, Asgard and Thor specifically, is no mean feat. I mean, at the point when you have a character who has faked his own death TWICE while trying to commit genocide BOTH TIMES, you have to lean hard into the inherent morbid comedy of the thing to keep it all from spiralling into cartoonish ridiculousness. I like Loki, largely because Tom Hiddleston has great facial expressions that can sell inconsistent characterisation, but seriously, it takes the actual apocalypse for him to step up and be useful. ‘Ragnarok’ reminds us that while Loki loves to play the victim and the martyr, he rarely is one. Usually, he’s the opposite. Trickery and charm are his great skills and as Thor pointed out, Sakaar was the perfect environment for him to thrive. We see him chat up girls, watch fights with the Grandmaster and act as a kind of pet bounty hunter, all of which he would hardly need much coercion to do. You can definitely read sexual subtext into their interactions, but I saw no implication of Loki being any more sexually threatened by the Grandmaster than Valkyrie was – that is to say, not at all. This is the guy who was willing to shove his brother straight back into the arena if it meant getting a step up in his new life, why would he feel uncomfortable sleeping his way to the top? I love the detail of him turning his 'death' into a play because he's literally the actor, the liar, the manipulator of events. In the end, Loki is a conman, and a very talented one. I’m sad that Jane won’t be returning to the Thor franchise, because I loved her character from the start and I truly enjoyed her dynamic with Thor. Also, DARCY. I will sorely miss Darcy Lewis. The truth is, I can’t think of a really satisfactory way for their departures to be handled on-screen, because I did not want them to depart at all. I feel like it should be pointed out, though, that ‘Thor: the Dark World’ was essentially Jane and Thor’s second date, and Jane was already running low on patience with his trans-Bifrost lifestyle. He’s kind and adorable and undeniably high-maintenance. If Jane had to have an exit, I’d prefer it like this, a low-key and everyday break-up rather than some big melodramatic event for Thor to brood over and Jane to be eventually talked out of. Also, just because I love Jane doesn’t mean I can’t love Valkyrie, and vice versa. It’s not a competition, however much Marvel tried to make it one. I’m a bit uncomfortable with your tag comment about the first Thor movie, describing it as the one ‘where women were allowed to be women’, because women are all kinds of things. I think I understand what you mean, there is rather an excess of traditionally masculine misbehaviour in mainstream media, but sometimes women are angry and disillusioned and drink way too much in order to cope, and that’s a story worth telling too. Honestly, I was on board with Valkyrie’s character from the minute she fell off her spaceship. She’s not a ‘better than the boys’ stereotype, she’s an embittered alcoholic warrior who gets dragged into friendship with Thor against her better judgement, and while that friendship might eventually shift into something romantic, it wasn’t shoehorned into her arc, for which I am intensely grateful. Ragnarok is, in so many ways, a movie with its foundations in the anger of the dispossessed. There are plenty of articles written on the subject by people better qualified than me. All I can say is that, as an Australian, I live in the messy aftermath of colonialism, with the awareness that my nation as I know it was founded on a violent invasion and that its impact is still being felt today. The line ‘where do you think all of this gold came from?’ was so flawless it kind of knocked my breath away. Hela tore apart Odin’s legacy and the narrative backed her right to do so the whole time. The only way to defeat her was to acknowledge that her claim was rightful and her story was true. That’s unbelievably powerful. Emotional resonance is a weird thing. So much of what we love in a story is entirely in the eye of the beholder, and perhaps it also depends on what other narratives are around us at the time – I, for instance, am personally tired of grimdark superheroism that’s all about how we can’t trust each other. What I need right now is Thor’s relentless optimism in the face of disaster, the man who makes friends wherever he goes, the god-prince who loses everything but rescues what really matters out of the ashes. Ragnarok isn’t a perfect movie, but it’s the best I’ve seen in a very long time and talking about it has made me want to watch it all over again.

[simptasia]

the science squad + 13, 20 (heh) & 22 :)

thank you! i wanted somebody to send me them. and lets just assume, this means dan, char & miles unless said otherwise (sad violin for frank and naomi) because they’re the ones, i like, care about

Grudges and vendettas

every moment i find of daniel being bitter about his upbringing gives me life. like, yes, he loves his mum but he’s perfectly aware she’s terrible

miles’ longing for a father in his youth eventually got replaced with huge resentment for him not being there, so there was a time when miles straight up hated his dad that he never met. and when he did meet him, those feelings were still in play (layered over his sad feelings)

char just gets annoyed, she’s got no grudges. in limbo, dan thinks char’s gonna blame him for her death, because he always did blame himself but of course she doesn’t, it wasn’t his fault. she’s not even mad about the hydrogen bomb thing (she fucking laughs), char’s just happy they have time together now and they’ve been given a second chance

but i digress

~

What-ifs/Alternate Timelines

whats that “heh” for, you expectin’ something, lisa? :}

man, you could sum up my sci trio shipping as “WHAT IF THEY KISSED AND BANGED AND LIVED TOGETHER AND ALSO OWNED PETS TOGETHER?” tho it’s not exactly an AU since i put all this in the limboverse. but it is all a bunch a what ifs. what if these people all had a closer relationship. expanding on what if daniel faraday was allowed to be happy gosh damn it. what if LOST had a concept of polyamory. etc

my No Incident AU affects everybody but i have it focus on dan, char and miles. specifically, miles n char are still in dharma, and dan is an other. because i’m loving that concept. this AU is, a lot because i’m very into details so i’ll probs make a post about it but that is about the gist of it

the science team…. but they’re the ghostbusters (i don’t think i need to say but they’re filling these roles but with their personalities: miles = peter, dan = egon, char = ray and frank = winston. and yes. they look 80s)

i also got this lost high school au which i kinda like and in that the science team = the science club. miles is just there for easy credit

~

People who’ve influenced them greatly

daniel: 

[insert really great scientists and classical musicians here]. i’m mostly thinking isaac newton and frederic chopin. dan is a physicist (as in that’s his field, he’s clearly an expert on other sciences too) so i’m assuming newton is considered the champ of that field? (personally i think he was an asshole but that’s neither here nor there. he was important)

and that music piece associated with dan’s story - fantaisie-impromptu in c-sharp minor - is a chopin song. so i like to think chopin is his fave classical composer. also that song is a great pick because not only is it notoriously hard to do (i notice we only see daniel play the slower, easier parts for the sake of the child actor and jeremy) but if you listen to that piece, which i did, it’s the music version of daniel faraday

also. his mother. especially his mother. holy fucko did she drill her philosophies into daniel. he just wanted her to be proud of him :( …well, FUCK YOU, MOM, WE’RE THE VARIABLES

also desmond kinda changed his life. like having proof (or daniel’s idea of proof) of time travel walk up to him one day would be like, huge. and it’s clear to me that daniel loves how wrong and special desmond is. and i hc that dan’s short but meaningful afternoon with des in 1996 was dan’s bi awakening. so in just an hour and half, des had a big impact

charlotte

[insert influential cultural anthropologist(s) here] i know very little about cultural anthropology so this def applies here even more so 

her mother also, char said she only became an anthropologist because she wanted to find the island and that was because her mum was so cage-y and secretive about the existence and events of the island (repeatedly telling char it doesn’t exist and she imagined it!!) so it seems like char’s mum had a huge influence on her life and psyche 

(wow there’s something dan & char have in common. nerd scientists with emotionally abusive mums and are secretly island babies)

daniel’s convo with bb char was kind of a Big Deal on char’s psyche too

miles:

his mum also but, combo breaker, i imagine her as an actual good mum (besides the refusing to give any info on miles’ father but like, i get it) who was just doing her best. and i imagine her death hit miles really hard. most of my headcanons regarding miles cynicism and emotional walls and issues with love all hinge on the idea that his mum’s death fucked him up

yeah, his powers and missing dad are also a huge part of why miles is the way he is, but i imagine his mum (his Ma) and her death is a part of it too

i hc that miles is a ghostbuster fan and that peter is his fave ghostbuster, because that’s the most obvious thing in the world. i like to think that miles sense of humour, his attitude, his sense of snark is influenced by peter venkman (and bill murray characters in general) because he seems like the kinda guy who’d like peter the best. and also he’s got that whole “i hide the fact that i care about stuff behind snark and one-liners” schtick

miles’ friendships with hurley and sawyer made him a better person. and i like to think his post-finale friendships with richard, kate & claire will continue that (miles isn’t good at opening up. he needs random people to cling to him first)

[journal-of-a-gamer]

Who Am I

Chapter 8 : Special Delivery

The lights dimmed, flickered on and off, cabinets rattled, we were landing. Hard. Alerts pinged on our consoles, the hull was burning up, this was not the optimal angle of entry. Darkness, then a red glow, “BraCe f0R iMpacT, AfteR lAndiNg sEek M3diCal aId if NecessaRy,” the Alexia broadcast throughout the entire ship. Our monitor flicked to a countdown, ten seconds. Fuck. We scrambled into our safety pods where the suits were put away and fastened ourselves in faster than a professional track racer.

ONE.

The lights turned off, the Alexia was racked with the impact of the planet, things flew from the drawers and shelves in the room we were just a part of, the darkness and shaking went on and on, it felt like we’d spent more time skidding over the surface of the planet than we had burning up in its atmosphere. I couldn't hear Ewan, but when I turned my head to see into his safe space I couldn't help but grin and laugh as he was blatantly swearing his head off thinking he was going to die, at one point it looked like he was apologising for installing a camera in a bathroom or something; I’m not good at lip reading.

Touch down. I freed myself from the confines I put myself in for safety, opened the door of the pod and fell to my knees. My chest ached with the intense vibrations of the crash coupled with the tight restraints, I traced my hands over my chest checking to see if my ribs were still all in the same place; they were, I gasped a sigh of relief that I wouldn't have to go see Doc Valentine to fix me up. Catching my breath I looked around, all the instruments that were on the table were well not on the table.

I turned around legs rather sprawled out on the floor just in time to witness the grace that was not Ewan freeing himself and lumbering out of his pod. It was like a bear that was wearing sneakers too tight for his big paws flailing around with the laces, it was fun to watch till you realise it is watching you expectantly for help while you sit on your derrière. Reluctantly I got up, my legs felt like jelly and my arms might as well have been jelly. I opened up his pod and got to work cutting him lose from his restraints with the tiny flip knife that I kept on my person in case something needed cut or opened.

Once free he hugged me, stopped looked at me, “Are we fuckin’ dead or what.” He then gestured to the state of the room, everything was everywhere; we both broke down laughing as the lights started to flicker back to life. After the power levels seemed to be stable, he walked over to a control panel, “Looks like we’re gonna be fuckin’ busy, the underside of the hull is burnt and cut up all over, the bridge seems to have taken a good toasting too, hopefully it burnt Unit_L3.w15’s fucking circuits up piece of shit always creeps up on me and plays weird music at me.” While Ewan was ranting about how sneaking up on someone and playing shitty instruments at someone does not correlate with either intelligence or humour I looked around for the things I had made before the ship made a hasty landing.

The intercom bust into life suddenly, static at first I could almost swear I could make out, “I grant wishes.” No sooner had the static began, an explosion rocked the ship; a holographic image of the ship appeared in the centre of the room, everything was green. Everything, green, except the med bay, a sickly crimson orb radiated from the med bay and my stomach sank, my gut was telling me that the worst possible thing had happened, that I couldn't do anything about, that someone was just gone from my life. I looked at Ewan my worries leaking out visibly while he looked into the hologram, his face stern not giving away the internal mechanics of it’s owner. Without looking at me he grabbed his makeshift weapon and went for the door, only stopping at the door to simply say, “hurry up, grab your stuff, lets go.” I scurried around my emotions levelling out from the descent into despair I had just endured.

We didn't run to the med bay as much as I wanted to get there as fast as possible, we both understood that the ship, clearly wasn’t stable or was being hit as evidenced by the explosion earlier. We walked, briskly but carefully, each corner closer to the med bay was familiar yet filled with dread at what could lie ahead.

[sirbadgerduke]

Retrospective Thought: Top Ten Games of 2017

Another year goes by, and another list of games that I thought were stellar, great and splendid to play. 2016 was a pretty alright year for games, but this year, with a myriad of stellar as fuck releases? personally blew the previous year out of the water with some stellar as hell titles, new IPs or new entries in existing franchises. As good as games this year might be, 2017 was NOT without its controversy, specifically the rise of Loot Boxes(thank you EA, Activision-Blizzard). Nonetheless, without further waiting, here’s my top ten games of 2017. 

10) Yakuza 0(PS4) -

I’m a huge fan of the Yakuza series, seeing it as the last bastion of good Sega Games made by Sega themselves, despite their continuation of fuckin up Sonic. Yakuza 0 is basically a prequel, set before the events of the original game and putting you in the shoes of a young Kazuma and a young Majima Goro. The action is ridiculously fun and over the top as previous entries, including a new Fighting Style that allows you to switch between styles for varying strategies against waves of foes. The story is still as crazy, funny, emotionally gripping and tense as one can get from a Crime Drama centered around the Yakuza. The characters are all larger than life, greatly developed and just a pleasure to see, whether its new guys just for this entry or returning characters at a younger period of their lives. Pick this game up if you haven’t played the Yakuza games, it’s a great starting point. Pick it up if you’re a fan of the series too.

9) Nioh (PS4/WIN) -

Tecmo Koei’s “Dark Souls” only it’s set in Feudal Japan, post Nobunaga. Originally, this title was expected to be out in 2004, but was kicked into development Hell until it’s re-announcement in 2015/16. Following the adventures of William Blake as he searches for Guardian Spirit who has been taken by the evil Edward Kelley. William meets many allies, some who may sacrifice themselves to help him help Japan’s Amrita problem. the gameplay is great and greatly fun, solid and responsive as it needs to be. It blends both the flashy badassery of Dynasty Warriors and the tense, pulse pounding grit of Dark Souls. While playing second fiddle to the gameplay and loot system, the story is delightfully cheesy and over the top, it’s hilarious in most parts and well worth getting engaged in. Buy it for your DW/DS/both DS and DW fix.

8) Resident Evil 7(PS4/WIN/XO) -

Resident Evil needed a dire rehaul, reinvention and a total reimagining from the ground up. RE6 was a dumpster filled with half ideas and lazy gameplay. Resi Evil 7 was teased, showing a rather stylistic change, possibly to jump on the hype left by Silent Hills, but nonetheless it ended up working for the better. The scares were there, more cerebral than ever whilst taking that traditional Resi Evil feel and introverting it into quite possibly the best RE game since 4. Get it if you’ve been wanting that AAA Survival horror atmosphere, definitely worth the price.

7) Pyre(WIN/PS4) -

from the developers of Bastion and Transistor, two incredibly stellar indie titles, Supergiant Games brings out Pyre this year. You are the Reader, you’re travelling with a group of exiles taking part in these “rites” to seek your freedom and return to the commonwealth. mixing parts of an adventure, an RPG and a fucking sports game of all things, these systems and mechanics are all solidly blended together in superb fashion. The story is also one to follow as well, dealing with redemption, rebellion and even death, this is a tale in which character’s mature over time, developing into whichever way you choose throughout the game. A fabulous indie game developed by a stellar indie developer, pick this up as soon as possible.

6) South Park: The Fractured But Whole (PS4/XO/WIN) -

Admittedly, I was not expecting much from this sequel, considering how great Stick of Truth was. But Whole is a fantastic follow up and quite possibly the best licensed game that I can really think of. You follow the story of the kids, Eric and co, as they decide to play Superheroes, hoping to find a lost kitty. In classic South Park style, everyone is not safe, everything WILL be mocked and made fun of, even the “Difficulty” slider is not spared from the same bout of vicious shit flinging. If you’re familiar with South Park, or at least the previous game and it’s brand of humour, then you’ll have a great time with this one, though if you don’t particularly enjoy South Park? You may want to avoid this title. Recommended for those who love offensive humour and South Park. 5) Assassin’s Creed: Origins(PS4/WIN/XO) -

Well it seems taking a year off, retooling and rebuilding the franchise has helped GREATLY with AC:O. Ubisoft are not the greatest of developers/publishers, but I commend them for actually crafting an AC experience that is on par, if not BETTER than AC2. You follow the story of Bayek, a Medjai who’s seeking out individuals of an Order after they had killed his son. While gameplay still has those “creed-isms” Such as stealth and assassinating, the combat, ranged and melee have both been redefined from the ground up for mostly better.While it has a rocky beginning, the story for the most part is damn great, with some really impactful moments here and there, the dynamic between Bayek and his wife ground themselves in a relatable way, giving the series another “good” protagonist in a sea of “bad” ones. If you’re a fan of the series, be wary of the changes to combat, but for the most part you will love it. Buy it to see how an open world is done right. 4) Pokemon Ultra Sun/Moon(3DS) - 

Sun and Moon are great pokemon titles and even good games in their own right, but their “updated” iterations make a good game fantastic. Sure, it’s really a remake, but the added stuff is enough to give a second journey through Alola. More pokes to capture, wider selection of wild pokes in the earlier game, new forms and even new pokes add a much meatier experience on the gameplay side of it whilst the story is vastly improved on with added scenes and characters, giving the UBs more importance helps to make their inclusion not so last minute. While it may be harder to recommend to a passing fan, it’s definitely worth picking up if you’re a pokefan through and through. 3) Injustice 2(PS4/WIN/XO) - 

I loved the original Injustice, even its mishaps, heck Mortal Kombat X was one of my GoTYs for 2015, and I still adore that game/series now. Injustice 2 takes a hard long look at it’s predecessor, looks at its shortcomings and decides to get rid of them, for better or for worse. IJ2 is a vast improvement by definition, more varied selection of fighters to choose from, a better written story plus a Villain that will make you go “Holy shit that’s dope” trust me on that. The game picks up from the last title; Batman is now running things after Dictator Chairman Supes is now put in a cell of kryptonite, whilst Supergirl wants to go rescue her cousin, Earth is in peril by the invading Brainiac, a Krypton Super-Computer who wants to collect all knowledge. The gameplay takes some elements from MKX and even improves upon them, especially the added loot system, giving you that chance to customise how your favourite DC Fighter(or Hellboy/MK/TMNT Fighters, yes even Hellboy and the Ninja Turtles are in this, take that MVC:I!). Varied roster, solid gameplay and a story that doesn’t have any right being as good as it is, a must buy for Fighting Game and DC Comics enthusiasts. 2) Persona 5(PS4) - 

The Persona franchise is one of those JRPG franchises that you either love or hate, I love it if you haven’t read my review on Persona 5. The fifth(Main line, that is) in the super popular gem that is Persona is a fantastic, well written piece of JRPG goodness with music that will blow your socks off, and a story that’s goofy, hilarious yet serious, dramatic and engrossing all packed together neatly. The gameplay while standard Turn Based affair is so solid and fun and with a surprising amount of choice, since you can potentially recruit enemy personas to your team. Each character grows and develops throughout the story, with tragedy and hope mixed in to give you a sorta mix of Persona 3 dark and Persona 4 lightheartedness, and that’s a good thing. Quite possibly my favourite JRPG of this by a huge, wide and long road between the other stuff. Recommend whether you’re new or a veteran to this series, god damn play this game now! Honourable Mentions: In no particular order, here’s a few honourable titles that I loved but haven’t included in my main top ten. Tekken 7, Yakuza Kiwami, Battlechasers: Nightwar, Wolfenstein 2: The New Colossus, Evil Within 2, Middle Earth: Shadow of War, Gravity Rush 2, Horizon Zero Dawn. 1) NieR: Automata - 

This game...this game is why I love games, stories and music, all in one. A fantastic experience from start to finish, a rollercoaster of emotions whilst using gameplay in conjunction with narration and to break the fourth wall on multiple occasions. You play as 2B and 9S, androids that are fighting the Machine menace to save the earth for humanity, by destroying them to pieces and dodging and moving through bullet hell like segments and even Shmup segments too. Seems standard affair right? Well the story really _really_ slowly reveals itself, giving even development to the bosses and enemies you face, no major character here is one note, at all. Platinum Games managed to get one thing they could never quite master right; an engaging, dramatic and heartfelt story/narration. Execution is far from perfect, but this game is so near perfect it deserves to be played by everyone. The music? There’s a few refrains and already established tracks from the previous game, but why fix something if it ain’t broken right? The music is heartfelt and really emotionally heavy. Yoko Taro is truly the Madman of Video Games. But his mad genius is executed for the most part, really great. Pick this game up if you desire something memorable, meaningful and fantastic. So there’s my list, obviously this is my opinion, you may think differently, or think the same way, it’s fine, everyone’s got an opinion, but this is MY list, so don’t hate because a game I like that you don’t like is here, it’s kinda pathetic. Hopefully 2018 brings even more diamonds.

[cadpadawan]

31-Day Music Challenge

The social media is now flooded with all kinds of funny challenges, as people are stuck at home with nothing much to do. I guess online gaming, or getting shitfaced, becomes increasingly boring, when all kinds of tiresome responsibilites, like work, do not present any restrictions and limitations anymore. In a way, Facebook has started to resonate the air of those naive first few years, when your newsfeed was basically just one continuous stream of challenge that and challenge this.

Well, why the hell not?

What else is there to do, in order to pass the time with your mental health intact?

So, here I am...just another bored individual to join this endless crusade to make life worth living again, to make my personal life great again. Thus, I jumped on the wagon, and took on this fancy 31-day music challenge, that has been circulating in Facebook (for years, I think).

Although, I didn't find it challenging enough to just type the daily keyword in the Spotify search box and post the result in my Facebook wall. Because: more is more.

(Go ask Yngwie Malmsteen, if you don't believe me...)

The challenge for day #1 was to pick a song with a colour in the title.

I could immediately come up with a bunch of songs, only to realize that the vast majority of the song titles were themed around two basic colours: black and blue. I guess songwriters are a lazy bunch, when it comes to colours. It's pretty obvious, why lyricist everywhere find these two colours exceptionally appealing and resort to the abundant use of them, neglecting all the wonderful possibilites posed by the other colours of the spectrum. Of course black and blue, in terms of emotion and imagination, are much stronger than, say, yellow and orange. So, instead of just settling with the first few titles that came to mind, I wondered if I could come up with one song for each colour I can think of. I mean: a song that bears some personal meaning to me. In practice, this challenge basically meant that I would have to think hard while rummaging through the main three Spotify playlists that I have compiled with something like +16k or +17k songtitles, with the addition of my personal collection of some +2600 cd's – at least the rarities section for songs that are not available in Spotify.

Let's see if I have the stamina to go through my cd-racks, though. I had the forethought to organize my cd's in alphabetical order, by the name of the artist, years ago. For some weird reason, my beloved spouse has not yet agreed to the idea of re-furnishing our apartment with the central theme being those precious compact discs. That's why the cd-racks are placed in somewhat random and impractical fashion: most of them are located in the living room, with a few sections located in our bedroom. I guess, it's a good thing I had disposed of my vintage Rhodes-electric piano by the time when we started dating 20 years ago. I'm pretty sure she would have opposed strongly to the idea of having the instrument as a kitchen table, with the giant lid down. My Rhodes-piano was the so-called suitcase model, with a keyboard of 73 keys. When I moved out from my parents' house in the mid-90's, I decorated my one-room-apartment in the ethos of Japanese minimalism, due to the fact that I spent most of my income on records and alcohol. That Rhodes-piano served as a kitchen table, when I wasn't actually playing with it. Because: why the hell not?

Ok, then. The first colour...it shall be black.

Oh, boy! What a multitude of choices it presents! Should I pick an iconic 90's grunge anthem, like Soundgarden's Black Hole Sun? After all, I saw the band on stage in Helsinki cirka 1995. (I say ”cirka” because I'm not 100% sure about the year, and I'm too lazy to look it up in Google) The fond memories of those grungey early years in the 90's instantly remind me of a couple of equally important bands: Pearl Jam and Alice in Chains. Although, I've never seen either of them live. Pearl Jam had a song titled Black on their breakthrough debut album Ten. Alice in Chains had a killer track titled Black Gives Way to Blue. That epochal Pearl Jam album played non-stop in my car stereos at the time of its' release. I had it copied on a C-cassette. Remember that vintage format, anyone? (Yes, I'm THAT old...) With this particular AIC song I fell in love much later, as it was the title track on the band's comeback album, released in 2009 with the new singer William DuWall. First, I kinda hesitated to give this new AIC line-up any chances, but it turned out to be pretty damn good. Obviously, nothing can top the impact, that the Laney Staley-fronted AIC made with their Dirt-album in 1992. At the time of its' release, that album was a full-blown mindfuck! In retrospect, the year 1992 seems to have been pretty kick-ass, in terms of album releases:

Alice in Chains: Dirt

Rage Against The Machine: Rage Against The Machine

R.E.M.: Automatic for the People

Pantera: Vulgar Display of Power

Tori Amos: Little Earthquakes

Faith No More: Angel Dust

Dream Theater: Images and Words

Aphex Twin: Selected Ambient Works 85-92

Prince & The New Power Generation: (Love Symbol Album)

Stereo MC's: Connected

Tom Waits: Bone Machine

Sade: Love Deluxe

The Prodigy: Experience

Megadeth: Countdown to Extinction

Eric B. & Rakim: Don't Sweat the Technique

The Orb: U.F.Orb

k.d.Lang: Ingenue

Suzanne Vega: 99.9 Fº

Stone Temple Pilots: Core

Curve: Doppelganger

Nick Cave: Henry's Dream

Neneh Cherry: Homebrew

Maybe I should choose something less obvious? At least, it would make this challenge less arduous for me, because it's evident that making a choice between two particularly dear songs from the past is nothing short of impossible. When in doubt, go for the dark horse! So, here goes: my choice for the song with the colour black in the title is:

Bonobo: Black Sands

Being something of a jazz aficionado, despite not really possessing any of the musical prowess to actually play jazz myself, it was love at first soundbite, when I chanced to hear the title track from Bonobo's 2010 album Black Sands on Bassoradio's morning special back in the day. Bonobo is the musical alias of British DJ-producer-musician Simon Green. His career spawns from the 90's trip hop aesthetics, with heavy influences of jazz and world music. Spicing up electronic beats with raw jazz samples, or even live musicians, was the thing to do, somewhere along the mid-90's. I guess it all started with a few insightful hip-hop artists layering their ghetto stompers with the occassional hardbop jazz sample back in the late 80's. For a short period, acid jazz was the coolest shit ever in the early 90's. In a somewhat natural chain of events, jazz eventually made its way to the brand new genres that evolved around the middle of the decade, trip hop and jungle, too.

That's how I got sucked into the all-consuming whirlpool of this abominable voodoo music – jazz. It's a wonder no-one has come up with a gateway theory yet, regarding the highly addictive nature of jazz music. It usually starts with small doses: an occassional jazz sample is slipped in the hip-hop track, or the breakdown section of a rock song is ornamented with a brief, improvised saxophone lead. Then you find yourself craving for more, and start delving into the depths of acid jazz, nu jazz, or whatever new genre that has incorporated jazz as an inherent element in its' aesthetic toolkit. After this honeymoon period, that might spawn over years and years, you eventually catch yourself red-handed, holding a genuine jazz album in your hands at the local record store, probably the usual entry-level drug-of-choice jazz classic: Kind of Blue by Miles Davis. It has been awarded the title of the greatest jazz album of all time – and for a reason, too. Multiple times. Then you're hooked. Next thing you know, you'll be blasting John Coltrane at a family reunion, with your beloved relatives giving you the dead-eyed stare, doubting the state of your mental well-being. Long story short: you simply cannot go wrong with a mellow waltz rhythm that's punctuated with the organic groove of a flesh-and-blood jazz drummer, and topped with hauntingly beautiful brass harmony.

Next up: the colour blue...

Again, I could go for something utterly obvious, like the song titled Blue by A Perfect Circle. Those lucky few, who know me in person, should be well aware of the fact, that I'm quite a diehard fanboy of the band. I was lucky enough to see the band's live performance a few years back, when they paid Finland a visit. Nevertheless, I think I can come up with something more unexpected.

Just let me think for a sec...

Remember the band Europe? Of course you do! (Unless you were born yesterday, like some, eww, millennial!) I think it would've required some exceptional measures in the noble art of cutting contact with the external world to not have been exposed to the band's 1986 megahit Final Countdown, during the past 34 years. (Fuck! Do I feel old yet?!?) BUT...before you dismiss the band as yet another hair-metal has-been, check out this song:

Europe: Not Supposed To Sing The Blues

It's pretty damn hard to believe it's a song by the same band that's responsible for that Final Countdown atrocity. To be honest, that particular throwback 80's hard rock ear-worm wouldn't probably get under my skin in such a thoroughly repulsive fashion, had I not performed the song countless times myself. It was quite an essential part of the live repertoire of the party band, that I toured with cirka 2004-2008. The modus operandi of this covers-only band was to play the most annoying 80's megahits, with the lyrics translated in Finnish with a liberal amount of tongue-in-cheek references to gay erotica. (On a side note, the band was actually quite popular in certain small regions, despite this dubious approach and the substantially high level of bad taste incorporated in the lyrics and live performances. We even ended up playing in a genuine gay wedding once. The humour of the band was, after all, benevolent albeit a bit harsh, at least in the context of these politically correct times...)

The song Not Supposed to Sing the Blues was released in 2012. It's pretty evident, that during this 26-year-period, following the release of Final Countdown, Europe managed to grow some serious balls, hidden somewhere below my musical radar. The oriental sounding motif, played with some cool mellotron string patch in the refrain before the chorus, has a nice Led Zeppelin-esque feel to it. You can't really go wrong with a slowed-down hard rock blues that is sugar-coated with a grain of Kashmir-strings, now can you?

Next up: white...

What first comes to mind? Whiter Shade of Pale by Procol Harum, and Nights in White Satin by the Moody Blues, obviously. You see, I had both of these tracks in vinyl format, way back in the early 90's, when I was going through my ”moustache prog from the 70's”-phase. (Although, this particular Procol Harum song was actually released in 1968, and the Moody Blues song in 1967 – but, in order to be consistent and thorough, I had to dig deeper, to the roots of the prog...to the very dinosaur fossils)

I could throw in White Room by Cream, too. I used to listen to these particular tracks A LOT! In the age of vinyl, conducting a music marathon themed around, say, 60's and 70's ”moustache music”, was actually quite a laborous ritual. Every 25 minutes, or so, I had to flip the side of the record. Shuffling songs totally at random was simply a no-go-zone. Nowadays, it's so easy to compile a lengthy set of personal favorites in Spotify, WinAmp, iTunes, or whatever the fuck application you'd prefer, and just hit the randomize-button...fucking millennials, they have it SO easy. They have no idea of the struggle.

That's why we had those vintage C-cassettes: to copy that very special selection of songs, compiled with tender love and care, onto a format, that didn't require you to be on a constant lookout for when the album side was closing to an end. Besides, before the onslaught of cd-players, those vintage C-cassettes were the only way to impress people with either your refined taste in music, or with the lack of it, while you were occupied with the gentle art of pussy racing, driving around downtown in your awkwardly tuned-up mirthmobile, every goddamn Friday night.

I could pick White Wedding by Billy Idol, too...

It was one of those 80's hits that I used to play with the ”covers only”-party band.

Nah...

I think I will have to choose between Aisles of White by the Aussie soft-prog band the Butterfly Effect, and The Heart of a Cold White Land by the Finnish doomsters Swallow the Sun.

My beloved wife introduced me to Aussie prog, some 10 years ago. The gateway drug, I think, was Karnivool with their music video for All I Know. One day, when I was coming home from work, I caught my wife watching this particular video in YouTube. A little bit later, she unearthed a shitload of Aussie bands in Spotify. I guess she must've been hitting that ”similar artists”-link quite relentlessly. The Butterfly Effect was one of those magnificent bands she discovered. I remember hearing the song In A Memory for the first time. It struck a chord with me, in such a profound way, that I felt compelled to order the album Imago ASAP from some Australian music webstore. At the time, the back catalogue of the Butterfly Effect wasn't available in Finland. I don't know, if it's available even now, because the band is no longer active, I think. Aisles of White is the track #2 on that album, released in 2006. The band released one more kick-ass album in 2008, titled Final Conversation of Kings, and then I don't know what the hell happened.

Swallow the Sun is a bit doomish Finnish metal band, and I'm not really sure, when I actually found the band's music. I think I had their debut album The Morning Never Came (2003) in my cd-rack for years, but it wasn't until 2012, with the release of the magnificent Emerald Forest and the Blackbird album, that I truly fell in love with the band. It took me some five years to actually haul my ass to their gig for the first time. Every single time, when I found out that they were touring nearby, I was too busy with some utterly meaningless work-related bullshit to make it. Finally, in 2017 it happened. I had managed to get rid of my soul-sucking job, although due to a pretty hardcore reason (a brain tumour), so when I found out that Swallow the Sun was performing in Helsinki, in the legendary rock venue Tavastia, I definitely made sure that I was there – and fuck me sideways! It was indeed one of the best live performances that I have ever experienced, hands down!

In 2015, Swallow the Sun released a monolithic triple album Songs From the North, and this particular track, The Heart of a Cold White Land, is on the disc II, that is focused on the beauty side of the band's doom palette.

Swallow the Sun: The Heart of a Cold White Land

Next up: Red

Sielun Veljet was one of the most iconic Finnish rock bands in the 80's. The band released only a couple of albums with lyrics in English, of which the 1989 release Softwood Music Under Slow Pillars was the only one with the songs originally written in English. There was some other attempts to gain international fame and fortune, but in those cases, the songs were merely English translations of their most beloved hit songs, initially written in Finnish. This particular album was planned for international release – but the label executives were pretty disappointed, to say the least, when the band came up with an album full of acoustic psychedelia. It was released only in Finland and Sweden. The artwork on the album cover is actually a painting by a Peruvian artist Pablo Amaringo, depicting the shamanic ayahuasca ritual. Listening through this album in one go is somewhat similar experience, I would guess: a rewarding journey into the depths of the human psyche, albeit potentially exhausting, especially if you're not exactly in the proper mindset to begin with.

Well, ever since I got exposed to the oriental psychedelia of, say, Jimi Hendrix, Kingston Wall, and the like, I seem to have acquired a taste for this kind of weird and druggy, over-the-top freeform musical expression.

Sielun Veljet: Hey-Ho, Red Banana

Ok, then...What next?

What other colours are there, anyway? The three primary colours are: red, yellow and blue. All the other colours can be derived from these three fuckers. To be precise, I think black does not actually qualify as a colour... So, I've got most of these covered already. Of course, in order to pick some hairs, printers actually use magenta, yellow and cyan as their primary colours – and black, obviously. I can't recall a single song with ”magenta” or ”cyan” in the title, though. I could come up with a band or two, with these colours in the band name, such as Magenta Skycode, or Cyan Velvet Project, but song titles?

Nada.

Maybe, if I combed through my post-rock and soundtrack archives, I could come up with some epic 15-minute instrumental with either cyan or magenta mentioned in the lengthy piece of contemporary literature, that is supposed to be the title of the song...but I guess those tracks would not exactly mean worlds to me, as I clearly cannot remember them now. If something comes to mind, while I'm writing down this epistle, I'll address that particular colour and song, accordingly. Now, I shall get on with this challenge journal, onto the next ”normal”, everyday colour...

Which is?

The colour green.

Having played keyboards in a dubious number of proggy bands, with the tonal preferences leaning heavily toward everything vintage, I might as well pick a mellow Hammond-organ classic, such as Green Onions by Booker T. & the MG's, or a vintage synth classic from THE motion picture soundtrack album of all time: Memories of Green by Vangelis, from the timeless Blade Runner soundtrack.

But I won't...

It wasn't actually easy to come up with that many titles with the colour green mentioned. Excluding these two aforementioned classics, I could barely come up with four! As much as I like the desert rock stonerism of Kuyss, the song Green Machine is not my personal favourite in their back catalogue. So that narrows my options to three. The problem is that two of these songs seem to defy the laws of quantum physics: they both take a firm stranglehold on my soul, and throw it casually down the dark and dangerous alleys of nostalgia.

In the midst of 90's acid jazz boom, I had a peculiar habit of buying compilation cd's at random, if the heading on the cover somehow suggested that the contents of the cd had anything to do with this particular genre of music. By impulse-buying music I discovered a lot of gems, like the song Apple Green by Mother Earth. The band was an English acid jazz outfit, virtually unheard of in Finland, despite the tidal wave of acid jazz washing over also these rural perimeters. If Jamiroquai, the Brand New Heavies et al. rub you the right way, you definitely need to check this band out. I can still remember clearly, as if it happened yesterday, how I picked this acid jazz compilation from the vaults of the local record store that no longer exists.

Mr. Big was a band everybody just loved to hate at the turn of the decace, when the gigantic hair-do's of the 80's started to flatten out, and flannel shirts were showing faint signs of becoming the next level shit in the never-ending quest for cool. At the time, I was an under-aged college drop-out, devoting my attention to the finer things of guitar playing techniques, instead of studying for a decent profession. I had received my first electric guitar from my parents in 1988, and for the following 5-6 years, I spent most of my time and energy in an attempt to unravel the secrets of how to play guitar like Jimi Hendrix. I listened to quite a lot of speed and thrash metal on the side, too. Y'know, bands such as Anthrax, Metallica, Slayer and Stone, which was quite a legendary Finnish speed metal band in the late 80's. My budding personal artistic expression was anyhow more influenced by legendary old timers, like Hendrix. I simply loathed all sorts of pyrotechnical wankery (with the exception of certain tracks by Steve Vai and Joe Satriani). Mr. Big's lead guitarist Paul Gilbert was famous for that very special blend of technical stuff, that I wasn't interested in, not in the slightest. So, I never really gave the band a chance. I think my misconception of the band's music as some kind of a shit-show of technical masturbation was due to some instructional videos hosted by Gilbert. After all, his fame as a highly skilled guitarist must have derived from his contributions to several guitar magazines and instructional videos, instead of his career in Mr. Big. So, everytime I heard the intro of, say, To Be With You, on my car radio, I simply had to change the channel. In order to do so, I had to manually rotate the tuning knob. Yes, my first car stereos were THAT vintage! What a time it was to be alive! Years later, with the maturity of age like with a fine wine, I finally listened to the worn-out hits of this horrid band only to find out that – bummer! - in terms of songwriting, those goddamn Mr.Big hits were actually not that bad at all. The song Green-Tinted Sixties Mind was released on the album Lean Into It in 1991. Now, everytime I am exposed to this particular song, I am instantly reminded of what a stuck-up elitistic music snob I used to be during those emotionally tumultuous times.

So, I could resort to the luck of the draw, but luckily I've got one more candidate to go.

Lonely the Brave is one of my most recent findings. It's an English alt.rock band from Cambridge, formed in 2008. I really don't know much about the band, just this one song titled The Blue, The Green. I was exposed to it while playing the music trivia game Songpop 2 with my mobile phone during the past two years, I think. The game is about guessing songs within the timeframe of a 15 second clip. Pretty addictive at first, actually. This 15-second-soundbite was enough to gain my full attention, so I had to check out the song in full, instantly. I cannot pinpoint what exactly it is, but this particular song has that vague feeling of ”something”, that draws me to listen to it, time and time again.

Lonely The Brave: The Blue, The Green

Next up: yellow.

I was first introduced to Frank Zappa's unique music in the late 80's, by my classmate Jussi, who kindly exposed me to the timeless classic Bobby Brown Goes Down. At the delicate age of 15, it was a pretty anticipated reaction that the explicit song lyrics would strike a chord. A few years later, as I was browsing through the vinyl section at the local second hand record store, I came across a pure treasure: the gatefold vinyl edition of Roxy & Elsewhere by Frank Zappa & The Mothers. In mint condition, too! Dropping the needle on the first groove on the black vinyl back home was like taking the first hit of some mind-altering illegal substance. My perception of reality changed in an instant – and there was no going back. Such an exciting mixture of fusion jazz, rock and harsh satire was sure to make me an addict. So, in no time at all I built up enough tolerance and moved onto semi-lethal dosages, and purchased the albums Hot Rats, Grand Wazoo and Apostophe('). The last one was released in the year, when I was born (1974), and it included the hilarious 4-part rock suite about the unfortunate adventures of an eskimo named Nanook. One part of the suite is titled: Don't Eat the Yellow Snow. Sound advice at the time of a global pandemic, that originated from some peculiar pathogen spillover event in China, don't cha think?

Frank Zappa: Don't Eat The Yellow Snow

Not many colours left, I think...

Next up: purple.

I was exposed to the music of Jimi Hendrix via a documentary on TV, when I was a rosy-cheeked 7th grader in junior high. It happened around the same time, when I got my first electic guitar. So, I guess it must have been written in the stars, or something. The universe simply wanted me to focus on the noble art of guitarism, instead of getting a college degree on psychopathological marketing or accounting (fuck no!). My first guitar was a cheap stratocaster-copy with a Williams-logo on it. In a way, it resembled the vintage Mellotron keyboard: it simply would refuse to keep in tune. One of the first songs that I learned, despite the frustrating limitations imposed by the crap tuners on the guitar, was Purple Haze by Hendrix. I had to learn it by ear. You see, back in the gloomy days of the late 80's, there just wasn't that many guitar tabs around. Not in Finland, anyway. Later I did find an instructional guitar playing manual at the local library, with a few pages dedicated to the art of Jimi Hendrix. Mainly, the only viable option to learn any contemporary rock song, or even any classic from the days long gone, was either to learn it by ear, or to resort to the occassional tabs provided by the international guitar magazines – if you were fortunate enough to spot these much-sought publications at your local bookstore. (These fuckin' millennials have it SO easy!) On the other hand, learning to play primarily by ear must have developed my improvisational skills a great deal, as an added bonus. Improvisation is not so much about throwing up some pre-programmed fancy gimmicks at any given chance, but actually LISTENING to what your fellow musicians are playing and responding accordingly.

Next up: grey.

I think it was my dear wife, once again, who first introduced me to the band Thrice, by playing the song Digital Sea from the band's double album Alchemy Index, a long, long time ago. The band's vocalist/guitarist Dustin Kensrue is one of those few singers, who are blessed with a distinctive voice that speaks, or to be more precise, sings volumes. He might not have the same gravitas like Mark Lanegan or Tom Waits, but nevertheless, he has the voice of a protagonist who's been to hell and back. Mark Lanegan sounds like he's got a season ticket, and Tom Waits sounds like he's the devil running the show – or, to put it in Waits' own words:

”Don't you know, there ain't no devil,

that's just God when he's drunk...”

 Tom Waits: Heartattack and Vine

Anyways, the lyrics in a Thrice song could be compiled of a list of phone numbers, or the decimals of Pi (like Kate Bush actually did), and it would still sound like a profound wisdom concerning the transformative journey of being fully human.

Thrice: The Grey

Last but not least, the colour: turquoise.

For years, I actually thought that Boards of Canada was indeed a Canadian outfit. Y'know, indie bands in particular come up with these band names that have some funny and ironic twist. Somewhere along the way, it finally dawned on me that this magnificent electronic duo is actually from Scotland. Well, of course it is! If my memory isn't playing any tricks on me now, I'm pretty sure that Soulsavers and Hidden Orchestra are Scottish, too. And they all have something in common. Each of these electronic outfits has an extraordinary and unique, boss-level prominance in the way they manage to capture emotion in their instrumentals.

Boards of Canada released a 5-minute electronic epic titled Turquoise Hexagon Sun on the album Music Has the Right to Children in 1998. The name of the song is actually a reference to the duo's recording studio Hexagon Sun. It makes it even more marvellous, that an instrumental track with a title deriving from something so mundane can touch your heartstrings so deeply. It's not that often, when an electronic instrumental with a hip-hop beat, glassy vintage synth motifs and deliberately lo-fi production paired with grainy samples, manage to do that. These Scottish bastards must've been onto something...

Well, that's pretty much all there was to the first day in this music challenge! I was supposed to pick one song, and I ended up writing a fucking novel about it...Tomorrow the plot shall thicken even more, when I introduce you to the theme of the day #2.

In the meanwhile, you can do yourself a favour and listen to:

Boards of Canada: Turquoise Hexagon Sun

Stay tuned! Cheers!