#THIS BITCH CLOCKS 13 Hours I am die

[feralmoonlight]

cowboys are ok I guess @castercassette

[peterprkrsbtch]

sapphire - part 1

Peter Parker x reader

A/N: This is some type of wish fulfillment writing for me because I like to imagine becoming a hot and badass superhero when I fall asleep and I thought other people may be entertained as well :) If you enjoy it, like or reblog to share!

REMINDER: in this story, the reader gains superpowers and I do describe the appearance of her body. i hope you know every body is a superhero body and weight does not impact your beauty at all-i just needed to show how drastic the changes were!

Warnings: Swearing, fighting, attempted kidnapping, guns/violence

The sun that came beaming through your window brightly as you opened the blinds in your room immediately brought a small smile to your face. Summer had always been your favorite season. As smart as you were, a three month break from Midtown has never sounded better. Junior year had not been easy for you.

Small goosebumps appear on your arms as you shiver when the memory of that night crosses your mind.

***

You’d been walking home after your first day of school, distracted as images of the day flicker through your mind. The first day was always exciting, new classes and people. Probably why you were too distracted to notice the man creeping up behind you until he wrapped his hands around your backpack and yanked it off of your back, making you let out a yelp of surprise.

Or, he’d tried to. Unfortunately, this dumb ass criminal didn’t know how backpack straps work and when he tugged, the straps caught around your arms and yanked you off your feet, slamming your body into your attacker with a groan.

Panic immediately clouded your mind. You’d never been mugged before. You try desperately to remember anything from the self defense class you’d taken in seventh grade. The attacker seemed surprised that your bag hadn’t slid off your body and this gave you the opportunity to scream. “Help!” You shrieked. “Somebody!” It was the middle of the day in New York and yet, the street you were walking was dead empty.

“Shut the fuck up.” The man growled in your ear and you suddenly became aware of his death grip on your arm. Before you could contemplate punching him in the face or kneeing his dick, a sharp poke on your arm made you whip your head, just in time to see a needle full of glowing blue liquid being injected into your arm by the man. He hadn’t wanted your backpack at all.

The shock you felt as you watched the unfamiliar substance enter your body was amplified at the burning sensation quickly spreading from the injection site to your whole upper arm. The man lets out a harsh laugh, and you finally turn to see his face. He did not look like a homeless man. Or a thief. The sight of his groomed beard and expensive jacket made you feel like you’d been plunged in ice. What the hell was happening?

“What did you do to me?” The sound of your voice is much stronger than you expect it to be, and it helps to ease a couple of the butterflies going mental inside your stomach. At least you didn’t sound terrified. He just lets out a low laugh and begins to drag you by your backpack towards a car parked on the opposite side of the road you hadn’t noticed until now.

“You’re coming with me.”

The burning had spread to your entire left arm and was now taking over your left shoulder. If you didn’t have adrenaline coursing through your veins due to your current situation, you would’ve been doubled over with pain. You struggle against the man’s hold on your backpack as he drags you closer to the large black SUV.

Hell no. I am not getting kidnapped today. You force yourself to calm enough to quickly think of a plan. Any plan. When the man reaches the car despite your struggling, a disgusting sneer on his face, he lets go of his grip on your arm to reach for the handle, and you take your chance to head-butt him as hard as you possibly can-letting your arms slide out of the backpack as you do.

“Ow! Get back here you little bitch!” But it’s too late. In the two seconds when the man doubles over to clutch at his head, you’d snatched your backpack from the ground where he’d let it fall and sprinted down the street. You try to tell yourself that the unbearable burning sensation now settling into your chest is from running, not from whatever the fuck he’d injected you with.

***

A loud beep, beep from the clock on your bedside table snaps you out of reminiscing on your near death experience and a large smile grows on your face. Finally it was 5 p.m, the time when your mom usually went over to her boyfriend’s apartment across town. Every night, like clockwork, since you were 13.

It used to bother you, but now the silence gives you the opportunity to do what you needed to do alone. You get up and move towards your closet as you let your mind slip into your memories again as you reminisce on the events after the attack.

***

You’d run home like hell and had never been so grateful to find that your mom had left early. Within ten minutes, the burning had spread and you were left to writhe around in pain on your bed for hours. There was no let up, no break. You knew you were going to die.

Whatever the man had injected in you was breaking apart every muscle, every atom in your body so slowly that you could feel it. Eventually, your pained screams became quieter as exhaustion began to take over. This is it. I’m really going to die. My mom is going to come home and find me like this-

Before you could finish your thought, a harsh gasp involuntarily left your mouth and you launch forward to sit up. Okay, maybe I’m not going to die. You thought as the pain suddenly ceases. You slowly bring your hands up to stare at them, scared that the pain will return. Just as you’re about to let out a breath of relief, it hits you again.

And it’s so much worse. The burning sensation shoots through your body, and every broken muscle and molecule felt as though it was being bound together again. The minutes bleed together as exhaustion and pain take over your body.

***

Looking back, you still have no idea what was in the injection. All you know is what happened because of it.

***

Beep, beep.

Beep, beep.

BEEP, BEEP.

The incessant beeping of your stupid alarm wakes you from quite possibly the weirdest dream you’ve ever had. You’ve never had pain in a dream feel so vivid before, and the memory alone draws your body inwards, hugging your arms in for comfort.

Your arms. Hold on.

They didn’t feel like this last night. You glance down at your skin, the shadow of your blanket making it hard to see. You rip the covers off and storm over to your full length mirror-and all you can do is let out a gasp. I’m going crazy.

With shaking hands, you grab your phone and unlock it, scrolling until you find a mirror selfie you had taken at the pool over summer, just two weeks ago. You glance at the photo, then back up at the mirror. Then at the photo, then the mirror. Photo, mirror, photo.

A shocked laugh rips through your lips as you stare at the photo of yourself. Smooth skin and curves. A couple extra pounds of baby fat you had yet to lose, a spot or three of acne on your forehead. You weren’t an extraordinarily insecure person, but you were a teenage girl and a couple of those things had bugged you but-

Your eyes flicker up to the mirror. You run your hands along your arms. You used to describe them as flabby, but you can feel and see the toned, tight skin. You move your eyes to your boobs. Were they bigger? They definitely looked bigger.

Any “baby fat” you carried had seemingly disappeared overnight. You slowly lift your shirt and let your jaw drop, running your hands over your small waist, not missing the muscle you can feel under your skin. Your skin was perfectly clear and your hair and lashes both seemed longer and healthier.

When you were younger and more naive, you’d hoped puberty would involve waking up one morning looking like a Victoria’s Secret model. But that was stupid. Things like that don’t happen, right?

Slowly, the events of yesterday began to register in your mind. The attack, the injection, the pain. A million questions flooded your mind. The most prominent being what the actual fuck??

“Y/n? You almost ready to leave for school?” Your mom’s voice rings out into your silent room as she knocks on your bedroom door.

“Yeah, Mom! Just a couple minutes.” You call out nervously, waiting until you hear her footsteps walk away from your door. You let out a curse as you race into the bathroom, the harsh lighting illuminating even more changes to your face.

Your lips were bigger, your eyes more open, and your cheekbones and jaw more defined. Fuck. If you weren’t so worried about anyone noticing your overnight transformation, you would’ve taken more time to think about the positives of this situation.

You were always shy and quiet at school, choosing a small group of people to hang around and mostly focusing on your classes. But every teenage girl dreams of being beautiful, and now you finally were. You pull your hair up to brush your teeth and wash your face faster than you ever have before, electing to ignore the fact that you should have a nasty bruise from your head-butt yesterday.

You choose to skip makeup completely, knowing it would draw more attention to your new face. You took one last look at your body in the mirror before pulling on the baggiest sweats you owned and a loose hoodie, hoping they would mask your new curves.

You had no idea how you were supposed to hide this all year.

***

You smiled as you remember how silly you’d acted the next day. You were overly paranoid, covering your face with your hoodie as much as you could and choosing to sit alone in the library rather than at your usual table. No one questioned you, not once.

You had felt a pang of loneliness at first, knowing that no one at your school even cared enough to notice the obvious change had hurt just a bit, but it made dealing with the powers easier.

***

You’d first noticed it on the walk to school. It was barely September and the summer sun was still coming down on the city. This paired with your heavy layers of clothing and the long walk to school would normally leave you slightly breathless. As you arrived at the school feeling more energized and alive than ever, you noticed you’d gotten there in a fourth of your normal time without even trying.

You next noticed it in gym, when the daily pushups the teachers forced you all to do every year were suddenly easy. Effortless. As soon as the final bell rang, you ran home within minutes without feeling winded at all and winced as you threw your door open, nearly ripping it off it’s hinges.

Something else was definitely going on. Your appearance was not the only thing that seemed to go through an upgrade. You said a quick hello to your mom before running up to your room.

For the first time since you woke up that morning, you relaxed once your door was closed and locked. Your shoulders release as you sink to your bed, dropping your head into your hands. You try to recall anything you’ve read about people being totally changed after some sort of injection.

Your heart sinks. Captain America jumps to mind. The Winter Soldier, Wanda Maximoff and her dead brother. They’d all been injected.

You bite your lip and glance at a book sitting on your bedside table. You straighten up and thrust your hands towards the book, trying to make it move. Unsurprisingly, nothing happens. You close your eyes and breath out a small breath of relief. Ok so I’m beautiful now and have great endurance, at least I’m not a superhero. You let yourself relax slightly, your eyes still closed. Now you feel dumb for throwing your hands around like some kind of knock off Scarlet Witch.

When you open your eyes, your blood runs cold. The book is floating in front of you, a blue glow surrounding it. Slowly, you raise your, now shaking, hands again towards the book until they flash with the same blue and it launches towards you, the force of it making you rock back as you catch it in your hands.

Well. Fuck.

***

After that, you were thankful that no one had noticed anything out of the ordinary. You bite down a smile as you remember the first few months after, thinking about how much you’d changed since then.

***

You spent nearly every night for weeks studying every superhero fight video you could find on youtube and practicing the moves alone in your empty house, over and over.

It didn’t take much for you to perfect them as your new body seemed to be built for this kind of shit. Black Widow was your favorite to watch, and you made sure to spend extra time working through her signature moves, letting the flips, kicks, and punches become muscle memory.

You spent time practicing your real powers as well, though those seemed to come to you naturally. After that first delay with the book, it had almost felt like second nature to lift up the heaviest objects in your house with just a wave of the hand, but still, you practiced. Over and over and over. You quickly learned you could move people as well, namely yourself. Flying over New York in the middle of the night was something that would always leave you breathless.

Once winter settled over New York, you decided you were finally ready to try and use your abilities for good. You had near perfect control over your “magic” and you were pretty sure you’d spent more hours in the past month punching the air than sleeping.

You spent all day Sunday bent over the dusty sewing machine you dug out of a shelf in your kitchen closet. The trip to Joann’s reminded you of your mother teaching a younger you how to sew, though you two never bought yards of spandex to make a skin tight suit.

It had taken a couple minutes for you to remember how to use the machine, but you were extremely proud of the final product. You’d made a simple skin tight black suit with a zipper up the front and a mask to cover most of your face, but you figured no one could recognize you by just your mouth.

Once you finished the last hem on your face mask, you took the suit and the mask and hid them in your closet next to a pair of black combat boots. You put the dusty machine away and finally made your way into your bathroom, glancing nervously at the box on the counter.

Although you had exactly zero friends at Midtown, you had grown up with some of these kids and you couldn’t risk one of them recognizing your hair color if they saw you in your superhero suit and the box advertising temporary spray on hair color seemed to be the perfect solution.

You take the small can out of the box and spray blonde-ish highlights into your hair and brush it through until your long hair is shades lighter than your natural color and you’re happy with the results.

Your hands shook as you pulled on your suit, then your mask, and finally, the black boots. You move to your mirror and nervously give yourself a glance, only to be pleasantly surprised. You really do look like a superhero, even more so when you will your hands to glow blue with your powers.

***

That night, you learned that you had severely underestimated yourself. You thought memories of your own attack would flash before your eyes every time you knocked down a criminal, but it didn’t.

Every time you would wrap your thighs around someone’s neck to drag them to the ground you felt strong and every time the person you just saved would begin to thank you aggressively, you knew you made the right decision to help people.

You kept your guard, and your hood, up during the school days but your months of training and now your late night rescues, had caused a spike in your confidence. After a particularly hard 18 vs. 1 fight in which your zipper had gotten yanked down a bit, you just left it. It looked better like that anyway.

You wished you had someone to show the new you. You used to be so unsure of yourself, and now because of a seemingly random attack, you had the ability to help people. It definitely felt good to be doing something good.

Unfortunately, your endeavors started to become sensationalized. New York was obsessed with superheroes, you knew this. But you never thought people would start paying attention to you.

You should’ve known better. A girl with enhanced curves in a skin tight suit, flying around the city with glowing blue hands and fighting crime with her front zipper pulled down, and you thought you could remain invisible in the media too?

Luckily for you, the spotlight was cast upon another new superhero around the same time-a Spiderman. Once he entered the superhero scene just weeks after yourself, you noticed the articles you’d previously seen sexualizing you and your costume turned into articles about the two of you instead. If only those reporters knew you were 17.

You were thankful for him even though you’d never met him, and your two names “Spiderman and Sapphire” were often used in the same headlines to discuss you two newcomers.

At first you hated the nickname the media gave you simply because of the increased attention, but you learned to love it. It was nice to see people appreciating what you were doing, even though every camera that was ever pointed your way made you anxious to protect your identity.

Ever since your first winter night spent fighting crime, you’d quickly fallen into a pattern. School with your eyes glued to your desk the whole time, sweats and hoodies concealing your body, then homework until your mom leaves, then go out and help your city.

Your fighting has improved to the point that you almost prefer hand to hand combat rather than using your powers. On especially slow nights, you’ve let yourself drag out a fight with some bank robbers or kidnappers just to entertain yourself.

It was your escape. In your suit, with your face covered and your hair thick with the lightening spray, was the only time you felt like yourself. Really yourself.

But you had a plan to change that. As easy as it had been to lay low throughout the last year at school, you’d had enough. You wanted more. So you had a plan. A new body and face overnight is impossible, but over three months? Totally plausible.

You were excited for three months with nothing to do but go out as Sapphire, and you knew these few months were going to be the calm before the storm if you really decided to go back to Midtown as the new you.

God, enough with the reminiscing. You told yourself, but you do allow yourself to feel pride at how much you’d matured from your first day of school this year to your last as you tug on your familiar suit and mask.

***

You glance down at the buildings beneath you, eyes silently scanning every dark alley and corner for trouble. Your hands glow blue as you fly yourself gracefully through the sky. Suddenly, loud sirens and screams sound from beneath you and you look down to see 8 large men climbing into a bank as they smashed the windows.

You quickly fly yourself down and through the hole behind the men as they point guns towards the only two people in the bank, a janitor and a man you assume is the manager. “Give us the fucking money.” One of the men growls and the others laugh menacingly at their friend’s threat.

The manager notices you standing behind the men and his eyes widen, causing the men to start to turn towards you. You grab the gun out of one of their hands using your powers and smirk at the oh, shit look on their faces. Before you can make a move to knock the man nearest you off his feet, a web snaps through the broken window and snatches the gun from his hands before you can blink.

Spiderman comes swinging through the opening, landing gracefully. “What’s going on here, fellas?” He asks, and you can’t help but smirk at the sound of his voice. The two of you seemed to live similar lives, and yet this was your first time meeting him.

The white eyes of his mask flicker from the men, frozen with fear, towards you, and his eyes grow with recognition and maybe shock? Hard to tell with the mask. He opens his mouth to say something else, but one of the men still holding guns raises it and fires towards Spiderman without a second of hesitation.

You raise your hand quickly, stopping the bullet in mid-air and everyone around you stares at the bullet suspended in mid-air, your glowing blue hand outstretched, almost as if you were catching it. Spiderman’s eyes widen even more. “Holy shit.”

You smile to yourself and clench your hand into a fist, letting the bullet crumble to the ground in dust. “Nice try.” You say to the man. “But you’re getting on my nerves.” You turn towards the 8 men in front of you, 5 still holding guns. You move your hand to face the men, and with a sweeping motion, the 5 guns are yanked from their hands to suspend far above their heads, where they couldn’t reach.

You can’t help a small laugh as one of the men tries to jump up and grab it. You turn towards Spiderman who’s standing there with his mouth wide open. “Sorry if I stole your moment.” You say genuinely. You had no doubt that he could’ve taken care of this himself, but you had gotten here first.

“Are you kidding?” He nearly squeaked. “That was amazing, oh my god! I can’t believe we haven’t met until now.” Your cheeks blaze slightly under your mask from his praise, you’ve never had a superhero compliment you before. You adjust your focus back to the men quickly, who seem to be thinking of a way to run.

Your eyes meet Spidey’s again. “You wanna web ‘em up?” He nods excitedly, his eyes finally breaking from yours as he jumps into action. As impressed as he was by you, you couldn’t help but watch in awe as he swings around the room and with a thwick, he webs all of the men together in a cocoon, hanging upside down from the chandelier of the bank ceiling.

He swings himself one last time to land next to you again. “Cool.” You say before you can even realize your mouth is open. “I mean, you’re not too bad yourself.” He bows his head a bit, seeming shy even though it was a half-compliment to cover up your embarrassment.

“Sorry to bust in on your fight,” He says, glancing around the room towards the two terrified employees staring at the two of you in shock. “Not a lot happening tonight, and I didn’t know you were here.”

“Ugh, I know.” You agree. “Not to complain about less crime, but our jobs have been a little bit too easy this past week.” His mask crinkles as he smiles.

“We could...work together sometime if you wanted too, of course.” He says nervously, nearly stuttering on his words. “It’s just, you’re really good and you seem really cool and I-”

You interrupt his word vomit. “Of course I want to! I’ve been wondering when we would meet.” His eyes move from staring at the eye holes in your mask down to your lips when you smile. “How’s tomorrow?”

“How’s right now?” You don’t think your smile can get wider. “One sec.” He holds up a finger before quickly running over to the two bank workers, who thank you both over and over and then they both hugged him. You were wrong, your smile grows and remains goofy and big as he runs back over to you. “Let’s go.”

That night you found out that your view of the city is 100 times better when you can also see a red and blue suit swinging from building to building out of the corner of your eye.

[imonthinice]

The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 17/?

Word Count: 3.8k

Author’s Note: Y/N - Your name.

So, when I started this, I didn’t expect it to become what it is, or for it to really be taken seriously. I wrote it because I wanted to get better at storytelling, and now I’m averaging 20 notes a day. That’s insane to me.

Warnings: Eludes to sex, mentions of trauma, mentions of court system, victim blaming, mentions of injuries, swearing, No beta bitch we die like Jason Todd

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

Waking up next to Jason was becoming something of a routine for Y/N. It had been 4 days in a row that she woke up next to him or with him in arm’s reach. She loved that about their relationship, how quickly they both could fall asleep with each other.

She rolled over in her bed and realized Jason was sweating and clutching the sheets. She leant over him slightly and turned on the fan, hoping he would sweat less so he could be in less pain.

She didn’t know what would actually stop the pain, she didn’t actually know if he was in pain. She reached out to stroke his back, just trying to comfort him, it seemed to work. He didn’t exactly reject her advances to rub his back. But he did jump a bit when she touched him.

She didn’t want him to be hurt by her touching him, so she did attempt to wake him up. He didn’t answer her though, so she got up from her bed and looked at herself in the mirror. She looked rough like she had been crying all night about the trial. Makeup running, eyes puffy, bloodshot. But what else did she expect after that trial? She didn’t remember anything.

She decided to shower, in her own shower. It had been 3 days since she last showered, which was okay but it wasn’t something she was used to.

She got into her shower and just thought. She was fucked up. She had been fucked up this entire time, she had hidden secrets from Jason, from everyone. She thought it was selfish, immature, and irresponsible that she did that. But she also didn't know how to talk to them all. 

How do I even start that conversation? Hey, I’m fucked up, help me. I’m sorry, I messed up, she thought, I can’t do that, I can’t.

She got out of the shower and glanced at the clock like she would normally, it was 4:00am. That’s new, she thought, I didn’t know it was this early, maybe I should not have showered.

She smiled to herself a bit and took care of her face, doing a facial routine, just trying to calm herself and come off that high she was on for the majority of the day before. She knew she had to take care of herself to help her become stable again.

She knew what she did yesterday was linked to trauma, she just knew it. She didn’t know what it was, or how to combat it. But she knew she would probably not be mentally capable of watching the rest of the trial, and that was okay with her, she didn’t want to watch the rest of the trial. She would ignore her professor if he asked her to write anything about the trial. She knew he likely couldn’t because of her connections, but she wasn’t going to get mad at him.

She didn’t want to get mad at anyone for this. Opinions about the trial, asking her to talk about it, anything, she didn’t want to hate.

Jason was still asleep when she reentered her room. She smiled at him, wishing he was awake with her at that moment. She went to her notes at her desk and sighed, she guessed she would sit down and do some work. She pulled out her journal and wrote;

To each member of my family, somehow we reached here,

I’ve ended up with people wanting to hurt me,

Here we see the pain of there,

Maybe three.

I guess I can’t write poetry,

Maybe it’s all I see,

The pain, the torture, the people who hurt,

What am I doing?

She scribbled down a dying rose. She didn’t know why she did all of that. Normally she didn’t feel like that. Poetry was a good way to get all of the emotions out. Her journal had a lot, a lot, of insane writings and drawings of things she felt.

She guessed she was fucked up. But she thought the things wrong with her would make her art better. She needed therapy, probably. She was going to look into that, she decided in those moments. Therapy may help her cope with a lot of the stuff that she dealt with.

Or was she aware that she’d never be fixed?

----------------------------------------------------

She sat at her desk after making a quick coffee. It was still only 5:00am, and she was organizing her notes, just thinking. Maybe she’d paint something. Maybe she’d get a picture of the Wayne Manor Gardens and paint it. She just wanted something to fiddle with if she was going to be harassed if she left the house. She probably wasn't going to be able to leave the house for a while.

She was fine with that, she didn’t like it but she didn’t hate it either. She just wished for the trial to be over, even if the man was found not guilty of the charges.

And the longer the painting project, the longer she could spend locked away from the media. That was just all that she wanted, to walk away from the media while still keeping Jason.

He was still sleeping. She didn’t notice because she was so entranced in her own art, but he was struggling at that moment.

And then she noticed.

She got up and went to her bed and sat beside his head on the floor. She stroked his hair and tried to comfort him when he woke up.

“Hey,” she whispered.

He didn’t answer.

“You alright?” she asked.

He turned his back to her, so she stroked it.

“It’s okay if you’re not alright, baby,” she said, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.”

She crawled into bed with him and became the big spoon for a bit. She didn’t say anything to him, he didn’t say anything to her. He was sticky and sweaty, but she didn’t care.

Silence was killing for most people, but she sat through it and allowed him to be quiet. 

She wished for the stories behind his scars, but she didn’t want to push for them. They hadn’t been together for long enough for her to ask about it. But she loved to trace his scars with her fingers, just letting him know she knew about them. She didn’t know how he felt about it. But she tried to be kind and loving towards his scars.

Some were small holes. Some were small lines. Some were long lines. One was Y-Shaped on his chest. One existed on his cheek and she couldn’t make out what it was. 

She didn’t think that he was lesser because of his scars. He thought he was lesser for his scars.

“Hey, Jay. Do you want to eat breakfast? It’s 6:00am, we can dip to get food?” she asked, trying to make him feel better.

“If you don’t mention the nightmares, sure.”

“I won’t.”

He rolled over to her and smiled before kissing her.

------------------------------------------

They got up a couple hours later, clothes strewn across her room, boxers and pants torn. She laughed, hoping he would still have clothes to wear.

“Don’t laugh, I might have nothing to wear!”

“I hope you have something to wear, babe.”

“And what if I don’t? We were pretty messy.”

“We were, but still. If you have nothing we’re kind of fucked,” she said, glaring.

“Yeah, yeah. You’re cute. Just stop staring at me like that! It takes two to tango!”

“The forbidden horizontal tango,” she said between laughs.

“The forbidden horizontal tango is now  the only way I am going to refer to sex.”

“I mean as you should.”

“My family is going to kill me for calling sex that.”

“I mean as they should,” she laughed, “Did you find clothes?” she asked, having already gotten dressed.

“Okay that’s unfair, you can’t wear new clothes when I’m stuck with ripped boxers.”

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have worn them in the first place,” she said, laughing, “And to be fair, Jay, I’m the one with clothes and you didn’t follow your own suggestion for an overnight bag.”

“Okay, listen, first of all,” he grabbed her, “That’s obviously my fault but shush, secondly, you’re dressing very black today,” he observed.

“Felt I would look the part of dating a Wayne.”

“No one’s going to see you.”

“That’s the point. I’m an invisible partner of a Wayne.”

“Well, I think you look nice.”

“I’m glad,” she laughed, “How ripped are your clothes?”

“Decently. Not noticeably, but decently.”

“Fun! Shall we go?”

He laughed and grabbed her arm, pulling her lightly to the car and getting in to drive. 

“You ever think the vigilantes around here have complex lives?” she thought aloud.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, do they have crazy, fulfilling lives like us, or are they just there to be heroes of the night? Are they sitting there wondering if they’re going to come home to their partners or if their parents are worried about them?” she questioned.

He sat there, looking forward. If only you knew. If only you knew what I go through, what everyone goes through. He managed to laugh and blow her off, “Maybe they’re just robots made to fight crooks in alleyways.”

“I’m serious. What if they’re all out there worried they’re going to die?”

“C’mon now.”

“Jay! They’re people!”

“They’re probably okay, baby. I doubt they’re out there almost dying.”

She wanted to say ‘You almost died’ but she bit her tongue, “That’s probably true. But it’s always something I thought, even when I lied in Metropolis with god damn Superman. I always wondered if he had a home to go to.”

“Who knows. Who knows.”

“They would. Maybe I should get a job as a reporter, interview some of them. Say ‘Fuck it’ and know if they have homes.”

“That’s dangerous.”

“How?”

“My Aunt, Iris, Barry’s wife? She’s a reporter. She’s on the frontlines for the supervillains and the small-time crooks of the world.”

“So anything and everything in between? Festive.”

“Well, that’s the life of a reporter. Journalists? Like my Uncle? He deals with a lot less bullshit unless they link him to Bruce. Iris is a reporter so she’s constantly there, Clark is usually never there.”

“Well, we at least know the elusive reporter and journalist have families,” she joked and he laughed.

“The elusive reporter and journalist in their natural habitats, my favourite National Geographic episode.”

She looked out her window at the streets and the people. She hadn’t been outside at night recently on the streets of Gotham, and she missed it. There was always something about it that made her keep coming back. Maybe it was the orphaned kids that she would go and make sure were okay. Maybe it was the fact that she watched one of the vigilantes swing to another roof.

She still remembered that moment well. She thought it was amazing, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for her to have experienced. She wished she knew more, even if she just knew which one they were. So she could go on the forums and ask if people had spoken to them. Maybe it wasn’t a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, maybe others had witnessed what she did, but she wouldn’t know if she did not know which it was.

“Hey, random question, do you know the vigilantes' names in the city?” she asked Jason.

“Uh, yeah? Why?” he responded.

“Okay so, the first night I walked home from your house after my car got towed right? I saw one of them. I’m not familiar with the vigilantes of the city, so: Do you know which one is the one with the blue bird symbol on their chest?”

“Oh, that one’s Nightwing. He seems cool, I don’t know, never actually met the guy.”

“Don’t Wayne Galas get attacked by villains on the regular though?”

“That doesn’t mean we get to talk to them,” he laughed, “It would be cool if we did, though.”

“Yeah it would. Would be a killer story for your Uncle and Aunt.”

“They are the only tabloids I liked because they leave us alone.”

“No reports from the Daily Planet about the Waynes?” she joked.

“God, Dad would probably half-jokingly sue Clark over that. Like sue him for 3 dollars or somethin’ levels of jokingly suing him.”

“Now, that, that would be a story for the tabloids.”

“Remind me to tell Dad about that, maybe it’ll get the press off your back.”

“You say that like your extended family cares about my trials.”

“They do, they wonder how you found yourself wrapped up in 2 crimes in the span of 2 weeks.”

“I wish I knew how I did that.”

He laughed, “If only we knew.”

“I guess we go get breakfast now, fast food?” he asked.

“Obviously, I’m not eating in a restaurant with this high of a profile recently, my god,” she laughed.

“Alright, anything in particular? I can just order for you if you’re not up to talking to some people.”

“Go for it.”

“Alright.”

She didn’t pay attention while he ordered, instead she opened her lovely cellphone. And there they were, the tabloids click baiting the trials she was involved in. She rolled her eyes, knowing most of them were wrong, when she saw the article written by Clark Kent about it. She was tempted to read it, to know what Clark said. She figured he’d be an unbiased source fo information, but also likely more on her side than the defendant’s side. She didn’t even know the defendant's name.

She tapped on it and began reading.

The Case of The Court Versus David Brown.

Brown is a man known to the courts of Gotham, and the county jail of Gotham. When he was accused of assaulting a young woman, Ms. Y/N (Last name), not many members of the Gotham Police Force were shocked.

On the first day of the trial, Brown was asked to plead, to which he said, “Not guilty, your honor,” which is under a lot of scrutiny of those who have seen the video of Ms. (Last name) running from Brown in the alleyway where she head-butted him.

The prosecution opened their case,

“Ms. (Last name) was assaulted by the defendant, there is no question about it. The question here is if his motive was for the ransom Ms. (Last name) referenced in her interview with police after the event. The defendant very clearly went after Ms. (Last name) because of her ties to the billionaire Bruce Wayne, who would have easily paid the ransom for her if she hadn’t escaped.

The defense opened their case,

The question of whether or not my client assaulted Ms. (Last name) is not up for debate, he did assault her. However, it was in self-defense. She had assaulted him first, pulling him into the alleyway and attempting to make advances on him. She twisted the story in her on words to include the head-butting incident, in reality, my client punched her for her advances.

The people who watched the first event of the trial have noted being “Disgusted” and “Annoyed” at the practices that the defense brought to court, “Slandering the name of Ms. (Last name) when she is the victim.” many people are upset with the defense in this trial.

The next day of the trial should take place within a week. Until then, the questions are not going to be answered.

She looked at the defense's argument numerous times. She was in shock that they would accuse her of such bullshit. She was terrified that they would get away with this, when Jason pulled her out of her thoughts with a coffee.

“You shouldn’t get so involved in the tabloids right now, love.”

“Sorry, if it makes you feel better your Uncle wrote it. And thank you.”

“Anytime. I guess Clark wrote it well, but you watched the trial?”

“I don’t remember it.”

“You’re probably not going to watch more of it, are you?”

‘No way,” she said while drinking her coffee as they drove back to her house.

“That’s fair. No one expected you to be able to be able ot watch it.”

She nodded and kept drinking, “They made up so much bullshit.”

“They did, oh my god, I was pissed, baby. I was so god damn mad. Because what the fuck do you gain from lying?”

“Don’t even put that question in the universe, you know they’ll try to answer it the next time they’re in trial.”

“God you’re right,” he laughed, “Got you a breakfast sandwich. At least the dammed tabloids can’t take that away from us.”

“Thank god,” she laughed, “Thank you.”

“Seriously, anytime. It’s worth it.”

“You’ve spent so much money on me.”

“Pocket change.”

“Well, duh. Trust-fund baby.”

“Ouch.”

“I’ll take you somewhere when I’m less high-profile. Maybe we’ll fake a breakup to keep everyone off my ass so we can go somewhere.”

“Fake a breakup? Wouldn't that just make you hated?”

“I’m already hated. I’m a gold-digger, a whore, a cheater, a statistic, a suicidal maniac, a homicidal maniac, a psychopath, I can go on and on about the shit being said about me.”

“Man, people need to keep their mouths shut.”

“You could say that again- don’t actually. But like, what the fuck did I do to deserve this, honestly? All I did was go on a date with you to get bombarded, yes, I do treat the press unfairly, but I do my best to never say a bad word about them publically, just jokes,” she joked, “I hate this,” she laughed.

“I hate tihs too,” he laughed, “You’re worth it though.”

“Oh man, a week into dating, two weeks into knowing each other and we’re here.”

“We should be anywhere else but in the midst of these terrible circumstances.”

“It’s unfortunate.”

---------------------------

Drinking her coffee on her bed with Jason beside her was something else, it was probably the most they had branched out in 4 days. The silence was lovely now that neither of them were having issues. They ate and drank in silence. They didn’t need constant conversation to prove that the enjoyed the presence of each other. 

She took a minute to take it all in, the messy shelves in her bedroom, the place on her desk where her laptop belonged, the broken handle to her bathroom door, the sheets on her bed which had been pulled and ruffled from Jason and her having fun. 

She looked out her window and looked at the rain starting to pour and decided to cuddle closer to Jason. He was warm but had a presence of underwhelming coldness to him, like he gave off fake body heat. She didn’t know what it was, but the extremes of his body were something she enjoyed but hated.

The exposition between his black hair to his white tuff of hair, the rough eyebrows to the small and delicate freckles, the blue of his eyes which seemed to glow green. The way it was like she was driving down a road, full speed ahead, and crashed into a wall, that was how it felt to be with Jason.

But who doesn’t love to die in a fiery accident into a wall at 500mph?

She laughed internally at her own joke about him before grabbing his hand and yanking him into the living room and past her roommate, A/N. A/N did not question it, because there was a new life to her roommate recently.

She dragged him out into the rain, to which he protested.

“What the fuck, respectfully?”

She laughed, “Don’t be respectful, and trust me. I’m going to make a movie moment.”

“I’m getting wet.”

“That’s my job,” she joked as she turned on a slow song before going to Jason and dancing with him.

“Well, can’t say I’ve done this,” he said.

“I don’t think most couples do.”

“Then why are we?” he asked

“Uh, yolo? You only live once, might as well dance in the rain with one of your lovers?” she retorted.

“One of them? Am I not the only one?”

“Oh no, you are,” she laughed, “But who knows, maybe we’ll fuck monogamy up the ass,” she joked.

“Probably not.”

“Probably not.”

And they danced for a few hours. Twirling and dipping in the rain. Watching the clothes they were wearing get more and more wet until the the white parts of Y/N’s dress were see-through, which took a while considering how small they were. 

Their hair was soaked and her makeup was running but they didn’t care. They were having fun, and no one was going to stop them, not a villain, not a vigilante, no one. He would wipe away her makeup since it was basically already off her face and laugh.

“Your makeup looked nice before we came out here.”

“I bet! The rain’s probably washing it all way, did I look like I was crying?”

“You looked like you were sobbing.”

She laughed, “You love to see it, you really do.”

The music was basically drowned out by the rain. It was on her phone, so it was probably water damaged from the rain, but no one cared. They just wanted to have fun.

But the dancing got tired because of the fact that Y/N was in heels, so she went and picked up her phone. It wasn’t damaged. She looked at her recent texts while Jason tugged her lightly to the bathroom, to see that Bruce Wayne, Jason’s dad, had paid off her car and it was being driven back to her house.

“Hey baby?”

“Y/N?”

“Did you tell your dad to pay off my car?”

“Oh, yeah. I figured it’d get impounded and my dad could just wait a while for you to pay back. It getting impounded was going to cost you more money.”

“God you're right and I hate that.”

He laughed and kissed her before turning on the shower.

--------------------------------------------

That was the second time that day that they had had sex. It was impressive that they had had sex that many times, and that many rounds. They thought it was fun as all hell to have sex whenever they had the chance.

Maybe they were saying “Suck it” to Bruce, or maybe they were just having fun. Maybe it was both.

“You look so cute with my hand around your neck,” he said behind her before lightly grabbing her neck and pulling her head back to his chest. He buried his face in her shoulder.

“He says while looking down,” she joked.

“I’ll squeeze.”

“Jay, we just showered. C’mon. Keep it in your pants.”

He groaned, “No fun,” he tilted his head into the crook of her neck and started leaving little kisses.

“Jay, C’mon.”

He sighed, “Fine. Fine, fine, fine. I guess we can stop,” he jokingly-whined at her, “At least we can kiss.”

“That’s true, but get dressed.”

“Get dressed!” he whined to her, “In this economy!”

“God dammnit,” she laughed, “Stay naked then and I’ll eat your food.”

“Don’t you dare.”

[caranfindel]

Recap/review 15.20: “Carry On”

I’ll warn you right now - I did not hate it.

THEN: Chuck loses. Jack is God. The Winchesters are finally free.

NOW: Friends, get ready for a whole lot of fan service in the next few minutes. It's like TPTB have been reading everything we say and giving us what we want.

As a song about "ordinary life" plays, Dean's retro alarm clock goes off at 8:00. He shuts it off and sits up so we can see he's wearing a henley shirt (fan service points: 1). As he stretches, he's greeted by Miracle the dog (fan service points: 2)! Who is apparently his dog and definitely not Sam's!

But it's okay because LOOK AT THEM.

Meanwhile, Sam is running (fan service points: 3) and enjoying the beautiful day. When he gets home, he cooks (fan service points: 4) the same dry scrambled eggs that Stevie made for Charlie. Dean wanders in, wearing the dead guy robe, just as two slices of toast pop out of the toaster. I am not giving the robe any points because I don't think it's anything we all publicly long for and get excited about when it comes up, but I am willing to consider any opposing arguments. Sam, wearing just a t-shirt (5 points), tells Dean "it's hot" and I say mmm, yes it is. Dean adorably burns his hands on the hot toast and then brushes his teeth. You know what, I think the robe deserves a point after all. We're up to 6.

And we're not even two minutes into the episode.

And then they JUST KEEP COMING because Sam walks in, exposing his tattoo (7) because he's SHIRTLESS (8), scrubbing at his WET HAIR (9) with a towel, and I curse The Husband for deciding to watch with me because it means it would be kind of awkward to rewind and watch this a few more times. There's not even any dialog I can pretend I didn't catch.

I was NOT PREPARED FOR THIS.

He pulls on the grey v-neck t-shirt of sex (10) and proceeds to carefully make his bed. Dean, meanwhile, kind of sloppily throws his bed together and calls it done. Domestic Winchesters for 11 fan service points, please. Part of me feels like Dean's messy room is OOC, considering how proud he was to have his own room in the first place. But then I have to consider the trunk of the Impala, especially when compared to the hyper-organized neatness of her trunk when Sam's all alone in Mystery Spot, and it feels right. (Why am I thinking about Sam being all alone in Mystery Spot? NO REASON, NO REASON AT ALL.)

Sam's hair in his face while he makes his bed? Yes, please (12 points).

Dean washes the breakfast dishes (13), sneaking some leftover (because they were nasty) eggs to Miracle and looking around to make sure Sam doesn't see, because obviously Sam's going to be the one who doesn't want the dog to get table scraps. Sam put on a plaid shirt earlier, but we see him in the laundry room back down to one v-neck t-shirt (thank you Jack). He's reading as his laundry tumbles in the dryer, and he has to kick the dryer once to stop it from making noise, which I guess is why he's in there babysitting it. I keep reading on Tumblr that people want "at least one laundry scene," as if that didn't exist in The Monster at the End of This Book, but here's your laundry scene, friends. You were right to want it; it is marvelous (14).

Just look at that collection of plaid shirts and tell me it doesn't make you happy.

Dean times himself assembling a gun, complete with plenty of hand closeups (15) and then sits in the library with Miracle, scratching his ears (Miracle's, not his own) and apparently looking for a case. Sam comes in and joins them. He hasn't found anything, but Dean gets a serious look on his face and says "I got something."

Spoiler alert: It is my heart.

Title card!

The Impala pulls to a stop and the guys get out, still with serious looks on their faces. Oddly, the episode title flashes on screen really quickly. Or maybe it's just me. "Sure you're ready for this?" says Sam. "Oh, I don't have a choice," answers Dean. "This is my destiny." And that is exactly how I felt about watching this episode, friends. Not ready, but no choice. The camera pans to show that the boys are at the 43rd Annual Akron Pie Fest. In Akron, Iowa? Just north of Sioux City? Five hour drive? Say hi to Jody and the girls while you're there? Probably not. Probably in Akron, Ohio, almost 16 hours away.

(NO ONE CARES. STOP IT.)

Give me a break. This might be the last time I ever get to calculate driving time.

Anyway. Just pies! Nothing serious! Whew, I was concerned for a second. Dean is emotional.

This is just so beautiful.

Are you crying?

What? No. You're crying, I'm not.

No one is crying. There is no reason for ANYONE to cry.

Sam sits on a bench and watches happy pie eating families (sob). Dean returns with a giant box with six slices of pie (16 points). He sits next to Sam, and they have this conversation:

What's wrong?

Nothing. I'm fine.

Nah, come on, I know that face. That's Sad!Sam face.

I'm not Sad!Sam. I just. I'm thinking about Cas, you know? Jack. If they could be here.

Yeah, I know, I think about them too. You know what, that pain's not gonna go away, right? But if we don't keep living, then all that sacrifice is going to be for nothing.

Dean's right, Sam. Do not be sad. We will have no Sad!Sam tonight. Live your life, or else those sacrifices are wasted. (ahem.) Sam responds by pushing a slice of pumpkin pie into Dean's face. "I've wanted to do that for a very long time," he laughs. "You're right, I do feel better!" Dean scraping the pie off his face and eating it is pretty adorable.

I'd pay good money to lick that off his face. And not just because I love pumpkin pie.

Not quite 6 minutes in and we're up to at least 16 guaranteed bits of pure fan service. Just sweet, domestic Winchester brothers living their lives. How long has this been going on? I've decided it's been at least a year since the last episode. Maybe longer. A good long time. Lots of time for them to enjoy their newfound freedom. But right now things are getting dark. Because it's nighttime, and because I think somebody's about to die.

A mom sends two young brothers upstairs for bathtime. They pause when the doorbell rings. No one seems to be there, but then the dad is stabbed by people wearing creepy masks. The boys run into their room and hide. From their room, we hear the mom scream, and then a thump. One of the masked guys comes into the room and, after a fake-out when we think they might be safe, drags the boys out from under the bed.

So, domestic life in the bunker and then a hunt? Wow. We're getting it all. What a great episode, full of the things we love.

Is this Becky Rosen's living room?

Daytime. Agents Kripke and Singer (ugh, really? Kripke is good, but how about honoring someone other than the current regime?) show up at the scene. They learn that the dad's blood was drained, the mom is alive but her tongue was ripped out (wow), and the kids were taken. The mom drew a picture of the masks they wore, which the brothers recognize.

In a lovely, picturesque spot, the guys flip through John's journal. And I didn't realize we hadn't seen the journal in a while, but Tumblr informs me many of us were exicted to see it again, so boom. 17 points.

You know what this is? Mimes. Evil mimes.

Yeah. Or vampires.

VampMIMES. Son of a bitch!

Dean comes up with a silly portmanteau name for a monster? That will be 18 points. Sam determines the vamps will be heading for Canton if they follow their pattern, and the victims are families who live on the outskirts of town with children between the ages of five and ten. Well, that couldn't be too difficult to narrow down in a city with a population of over 70,000.

I'll handwave it. The lip biting. You’re welcome.

Night. Canton, I presume. Two masked vamps get out of a van. One of them gets decapitated by Dean. The other is shot in the leg, and then the head, by Sam. Well, he's a vampire, so of course it didn't kill him, but the bullet was soaked in dead man's blood. {Sidebar: "Soaked?" Dipped, maybe, but do you soak metal? Discuss.} They ask where the missing kids are, and the vamp is all, you're gonna let me go if I tell you? "No," Dean explains, adorably disappointed that the vamp isn't a mime after all. "This isn't a you walk out of here kind of situation. But see, if you tell us quick, you get this." He displays his bloody machete. "But if you take your time, you get, you get that." And "that" is a switchblade which Sam casually pops open right on cue.

Yeah, I'll take that. I'll take that itty bitty one.

It's a bad choice.

You see, this, this is quick. It's clean, you know? No muss, no fuss. You blink and you're dead.

But a blade this small, I'm gonna have to keep sawing and sawing to get your head off. And you'll feel it. Every muscle, tendon. Every inch. Could take hours.

Oh, and if those kids are dead? He's gonna use a spoon.

GUYS. I said it before and I’ll say it again. I absolutely love when they remind us that Sam Winchester, that sweet boy with the huge heart and the endless supply of empathy and the puppy dog eyes, I love it when they remind us that he is a fucking psycho when he needs to be. I'm not going to give it a point, because I don't think it's anything we've asked for, but again I'm willing to hear all arguments. Especially if they come with detailed examples of Sam going psycho. Just for evidence, you know.

Just casually talkin' bout torturing you to death. No big.

The vampire wisely decides to reveal the location of the nest where the kids are being held. Next we see the Impala pulling up in front of some kind of barn. The guys open the trunk to get their gear out, and Dean pulls out a throwing star. "Come on. One time." Sam says no. There will be plenty of other times for Dean to use his throwing stars, I'm sure.

The guys enter the barn and find it apparently empty, although we see masked vamps peeking at them from outside. They find the kids locked in a closet, but four vampires appear before they can escape. They shoo the boys outside and shoot the vampires with their dead man's blood bullets from a safe distance. No, they don't. Why? I got no goddamn idea.

{Sidebar: At some point during this fight, I realized they hadn't played "Carry On Wayward Son" at the beginning. And that we got a regular montage, not a season finale extended montage.}

Sam gets knocked unconscious, and Dean loses his machete and then gets pinned by a couple of vamps. But they don't kill him; they just hold him down while an unmasked vampire strolls in. Dean recognizes her from season 1, and pretends not to notice Sam's now-conscious hand surreptitiously creeping toward his machete. Suddenly the vampire loses her head, because Sam is behind her, and the fight starts up again. Dean gets thrown into a wall right next to a big metal spike, which we focus on oddly. And then he gets thrown onto the spike. Oops. Sam kills the last of the vamps and doesn't notice Dean's predicament. He's all, cool, fight's over, let's go get those kids out of here. "Sam," Dean says, "I don't think I'm going anywhere."

Dean tells Sam there's something stuck in his back and it "feels like it's right through me." He keeps touching his chest as if he expects to feel it poking through. Sam reaches around to touch his back and his hand comes back bloody, and if that gives you All Hell Breaks Loose feels, there's a good reason. Sam tries to pull Dean off the spike, but Dean stops him. "It feels like this thing's holding me together right now." Sam's starting to panic and so am I. He wants to go get the first aid kid and call for help, but Dean stops him. And y'all, I'm just gonna have to type the whole thing out.

Sam, Sam. Stay with me. Please, stay with me, please.

Okay. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. Uh. Right. All right, listen to me. Um. You get those boys and you get them someplace safe, all right?

Dean? WE are gonna get them somewhere safe.

No. You knew it was always gonna end like this for me. It was supposed to end like this, right? I mean, look at us. Saving people, hunting things, it's what we do.

Stop, Dean, just stop

It's okay. It's okay. it's good. It's good. We had one hell of a ride, man.

I will find away, okay? I will find another way.

No. No. No, no no no no. No bringing me back, okay? You know that always ends bad.

Dean, please.

I'm fading pretty quick, so, there's a few things I need you to hear. Come here. Let me look at you. There he is. I am so proud of you, Sam. You know that? I've always looked up to you. Remember when we were kids, you were so damn smart. You never took any of Dad's crap. I never knew how you did that. And you're stronger than me. You always have been. Hey, did I ever tell you, that night that I came for you when you were in school? You know, when dad hadn't come back from his hunting trip?

Uh, the woman in white.

The woman in white, that's right. I must have stood outside your door for hours, cause I didn't know what you would say. I thought you'd tell me to get lost, or get dead. And I didn't know what I would have done if I didn't have you. Cause I was so scared. I was scared. Cause when it all came down to it, it was always you and me. It's always been you and me.

Then don't leave me. Don't leave me. I can't do this alone.

Yes you can.

Well, I don't want to.

Hey. I'm not leaving you. I'm gonna be with you. Right here. Every day. Every day you're out there, and you're living, and you're fighting, cause you, you always keep fighting. You hear me? I'll be there, every step. I love you so much. My baby brother. Well, I did not think this would be the day. But it is, it is, and that's okay. I need you, I need you to promise me. I need you to tell me that it's okay. I need you to tell me it's okay. Look at me. I need. I need. I need you to tell me it's okay. Tell me it's okay.

Dean. It's okay. You can go now.

Bye, Sam.

NO, IT IS NOT OKAY. THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF OKAY.

And of course I haven't described Sam's face as he understands what's happening, Dean's occasional spasms of pain, the handholding, the fucking FOREHEAD TOUCH, the tears, the way Dean's hand drops away, the way Sam's hands shake as he clutches his dead brother (hello, AHBL again).

Maybe we just need to watch it.

Gifs borrowed from @jaredandjensen​.

And there's also the Always Keep Fighting shoutout, the "I love you," Dean calling Sam his "baby brother," the "I can't do this alone/Yes you can/Well I don't want to" parallel with 1.01. Infinite points, friends. I can't count that high.

(Things not to think about: Sam putting Dean's body in the back seat, and then putting the two young brothers in the front and driving them to safety. Sam driving 15 hours back to Lebanon with his brother's body. Do not think about these things.)

Aftermath. Sam and Miracle, and no one else, are giving Dean a hunter's funeral. And I know Covid means Sam couldn't have any friends there, but also? This is kind of perfect. Sam facing it alone. The song we hear as Sam lights his brother's pyre is "Brothers in Arms" by Dire Straits, in case you're not emotionally wrecked yet.

Yeah, I'm already there, thanks anyway.

Next we see Sam's slightly more modern alarm going off at 8:00. Note that Sam gets up later now, because at the beginning of the episode, he had already gone for a run and was cooking breakfast when Dean woke at 8:00. But now there's no one to cook for so he doesn't need to get back early and I AM NOT OKAY.

ANYWAY.

Sam gets up and faces his lonely day. He cooks eggs. One piece of toast pops up. He sits in the library with Miracle and looks at the names carved into the table. He wanders the halls with his dog at his side. (SAM HAVING A DOG WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE HIM HAPPY. IT WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE US HAPPY. HOW DARE YOU.)

{Sidebar: Has Sam ever had a dog when he wasn't at a low point in his already-low life? Discuss.}

Eventually he finds himself at the door to Dean's room. The room is just as Dean left it, kind of messy, kind of very full of Dean. He sits on Dean's bed and pets the dog and cries and it should come as a surprise to absolutely no one that I am ROLLING AROUND IN ALL OF THIS BEAUTIFUL PAIN.

No one at all.

@annianvi thinks he’s wearing Dean’s hoodie when he cooks his sad lonely breakfast? Could it be?

Sam hears a phone buzzing in Dean's desk. He digs out the one labeled "Dean's other other phone" and answers. The caller asks for "Agent Bon Jovi" and says he's had some bodies turn up without hearts in Austin. "A friend of mine, Donna Hanscum, said you were the one to call." Oooh, are we sending him to Austin? Is Walker, Texas Ranger just going to be another fake name and fake badge? Now that's how you do a spinoff!

{Sidebar: Does Donna know about Dean? Did Sam tell anyone yet? Is the trying to get him out of the bunker and keep him busy? If so, wouldn't she have given the guy Sam's number, not Dean's other other phone? But maybe it's someone she talked to weeks ago. Discuss.}

Sam tells the caller he is on his way, and we see him with a packed bag, heading out of the bunker with Miracle. He turns to look one last time and then turns off all the lights. We haven't seen the bunker this dark since the day they found it. I don't think he's ever coming back. Goodbye, bunker. I know some people hated you, but I was not one of them. {Sidebar: Did he give the bunker key to anyone? Surely he wouldn't want all those resources to go to waste!}

So, I guess the episode title refers to Sam having (choosing?) to carry on after he loses his brother. THIS IS FINE.

Now we're back at Dean's pyre, and this time we drift up with the smoke. We catch up with Dean, outdoors, in a lovely setting with trees and birds. "Well, at least I made it to Heaven," he says. "Yep," someone answers. It's Bobby! Real Bobby, not AU Bobby! Dean's actually standing next to a building - a cabin, maybe - and Bobby is sitting on the porch.

What memory is this?

It ain't, ya idjit.

Yeah it is. Cause the last I heard, you, you were in in Heaven's lockup.

Was. Now I'm not. That kid of yours, before he went wherever, made some changes here. Busted my ass out. And then he, well, set some things right. Tore down all the walls. Heaven ain't just reliving your golden oldies any more. It's what it always should have been. Everyone happy, everyone together. Rufus lives about five miles that way. With Aretha. Thought she'd have better taste. And your mom and dad, they got a place over yonder. It ain't just Heaven, Dean. It's the Heaven you deserve. And we been waiting for you.

So Jack did all that.

Well, Cas helped. It's a big new world out there. You'll see.

So, I guess Cas made it out of the Empty? Dean smiles at that, but doesn't suggest finding him or anything. I approve. Bobby pulls out a couple of beers (the green cooler made it into Heaven!!!) and they share some bad beer. Dean comments that Heaven is "almost perfect," and Bobby knows EXACTLY what's missing, because of course he does. "He'll be along. Time up here, it's different. You got everything you could ever want, or need, or dream. So I guess the question is, what are you gonna do now, Dean?" Well, Dean doesn't have everything he could ever want or need, but he does see one thing - Baby. With her Kansas plates! Friends, that's two things I requested before the end that I didn't think I would ever see: a forehead touch, and Baby wearing her original plates. Thank you, Jack.

Dean's face lights up. "I think I'll go for a drive." As he walks to his car, we see the cabin is actually Harvelle's Roadhouse, albeit smaller, I think. Dean settles into his car and says "Hey, Baby" and when he turns her on, "Carry On Wayward Son" begins to play.

I know he looks good in Purgatory, but DAMN if he don't look fine in Heaven, too.

We cut to the name Dean, which is embroidered on - a little boy's overalls. Sam's little boy. Oh, wow. I was not prepared for this. Sam has a son named Dean, and we switch back and forth between Dean driving through Heaven and scenes of Sam's life with his son and his mysterious, barely-seen wife. She has long dark hair, and I'd like to point out that she could easily be either Eileen or Dr. Cara Roberts. Just saying. Sam's house is full of family photos, including the one of him and Dean from his memory box and a new one from the episode Lebanon. I never thought about the fact that they might have actually taken a photo, and if they did, would it still be around after Sam smashed the pearl? Well, obviously, yes. We see Sam throwing a ball with his son, helping him with his homework (Sam in glasses? Check!) and just obviously really loving this kid and giving him the childhood he never had. We also see a really, really unfortunate grey wig that I refuse to screencap. You're welcome. As aging Sam sits in the hundred-year-old car in his garage, his dead brother drives happily along dirt roads in Heaven, and I'd prefer my Heaven have paved roads, thanks.

We end in Sam's house, now complete with hospital bed. Sam could be in his 80s or even 90s, which means he could have lived another 50 years, more or less, after Dean died. His son doesn't look any older than his 20s or 30s (and also looks vaguely South Asian to me), and I wonder how old Sam was when he finally let himself have a family. Remember when Dean said his happy ending was for Sam to have kids and get old? Well, he got it, finally. Did Sam get a regular job? Did he keep hunting? We don't know. What we do know is that his son has a anti-possession tattoo. Some people have taken this to mean young Dean is a hunter, but I don't think we can jump to that conclusion. It could just be 1) Dean wanted a tattoo like his father's, or b) Sam knows there are still demons out there and that his son would naturally be a target, hunter or not.

All right, I had to screencap teary-eyed Sam grasping the steering wheel and reliving his years with his brother in this car, so we can just pretend we don't see The Wig, okay?

Sam's evidently in hospice care. Or maybe we'll all have hospital beds in our houses in 50 years. Who knows. His son sits on the bed and takes his hand. Sam smiles at him, and Dean says "Dad, it's okay. You can go now." PARALLELLS! As some woman sings "Carry On Wayward Son" for whatever reason (why didn't they use the lovely a cappella version they already had from Fan Fiction?), Sam places his hand on Dean's and takes his last breath.

{Sidebar: Where is Sam's wife in all of this? Divorced? Already dead? She doesn't seem to be in the family pictures, so I'm going with divorced. Discuss.}

Heaven. Oh, guys. I've done this rewatch without tearing up at all but I'm about to tip over. The Impala pulls onto a bridge. Dean gets out. (Now your life's no longer empty, surely Heaven waits for you.) He stands at the bridge railing, enjoying Heaven, smiling. And then he feels something and he smiles even more because he knows it's Sam. Oh god, Jensen did such a good job here. Just this fucking smile killed me dead. "Hey, Sammy," he says. He turns and there is Sam, wearing the same outfit he wore in 1.01 (they both are, but Sam's is a bigger departure from his later years). Why? I don't know. But I know it means Sam Winchester is spending eternity in something that isn't a plaid shirt. How do we feel about that?

"Dean," Sam says. They face each other and smile, and it's the smile of we just survived a hunt I didn't think we'd survive or our son just overpowered God or something along those lines. Then they embrace, and I love the way Sam hesitates just a little before clapping a hand on Dean's back. Like he's afraid it isn't really happening, and he doesn't want to break the illusion. I also love that Dean, as always, takes the top (oh, get your minds out of the gutter) and hugs as if he were taller than Sam. Then Dean puts his hand on the back of Sam's neck and turns him to admire the view and he has this joyous smile like now, this is FINALLY Heaven. And he gazes at Sam like look, Sammy, look what we did. Look what we get. The lack of dialog in this scene is just ~chef's kiss~. The camera goes wide and we see the three main characters, Sam and Dean and Baby, enjoying the Heaven they deserve.

I would like to know where they filmed this, because it's gorgeous even without the Winchesters.

Did Sam's entire life go by in the span of Dean's drive? Or did Dean just decide he'd drive until his brother arrived, no matter how long it took? And how much do I love the fact that he could have gone and visited his parents but instead he said "nah, I'll drive around and wait for Sam?" SO MUCH, PEOPLE. SO MUCH.

Also, can we talk about the fact that Sam didn't know what to expect in Heaven? I mean, Ash said they were soulmates and would share a Heaven, but why would he believe that? And he might have even still believed he'd have a hard time getting into Heaven. What a relief it must have been to show up on Dean's bridge.

And then Jared and Jensen thank us. You're welcome, boys. Thank you.

So. Thursday night I was mildly positive about the episode. But on rewatch, I'm extremely positive. Sure, I would have loved the Six Feet Under ending where we see everyone's fate. And maybe that would have happened if not for Covid. But I'm just relieved we didn't get the Game of Thrones or How I Met Your Mother endings. I'm not sure this current cohort could have done better, honestly. Sam wanted a normal family life. Dean wanted Sam to have a normal family life. But Sam was never going to stop hunting as long as Dean was hunting. And Dean wasn't going to stop hunting as long as he was alive. Dean got the end he wanted/expected and the Heaven he earned (and Sam caring for Jack was directly responsible for Heaven's improvements). Sam got to live a normal life and have a family. As I said earlier, I suspect his marriage didn't last. (Or maybe he and Eileen or Cara got married for insurance purposes, and happily co-parented little Dean, but knew they weren't each other's one true love.) But I actually prefer that. Dean loved Sam more than he loved anyone. Sam loved Dean the same way. I'm glad Sam got to have a child (who he loves as much as his brother, but in a different way), but I don't want Sam and Dean to share their Heaven with Sam's wife.

Now, would I have done Dean's death differently? Yes. I did appreciate that they had him upright, so the brothers were face to face, just like AHBL. But being impaled on a spike was just less dramatic that I would have liked. I would have preferred that Sam immediately see his brother was dying, instead of Dean having to explain it to him. Dean could have had his jugular torn, slowly bleeding out, and still been on his knees (held up by Sam, hell yes) making his deathbed speech. And then I wouldn't have thought "would an ambulance be here by now if you'd called them?" halfway through it.

{Sidebar: What if Sam had fed Dean some blood from one of the dead vamps. Wouldn't that have kept him undead long enough to get fixed up, and then they could have done the vampire cure? Discuss.}

I know some people are very unhappy about the finale. Honestly, from what I can tell, most of those people are hard-core Destiel shippers. And I guess they wanted, as they always do, for the Dean and Castiel relationship to be more important than the Dean and Sam relationship. Sorry, guys, that was never gonna happen. In the end, it came down to the epic love story of Sam and Dean, just as it should have.

So, I'm sad and I'm happy. I'm bereft and I'm full. I miss my boys, but my boys will always be with me. I hope you guys will be with me for a long time, too.

[mersuperwholocked-lowlife]

Freak

Word Count: 2,046

Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester, Reader

Pairings: Sam Winchester x Platonic!Reader

Warnings: angst, some fluff

A/N: it’s weird how an idea can be so good in ur head, but then turn out so bad

Masterlist

You tapped your foot anxiously, looking to the ground. They couldn't legally keep you here for over 72 hours. You looked up at the clock, looking at how long it's been. Only two hours. 

You groaned, laying on the metal bench, uncomfortable.

“Miss, there are some agents here to see you,” you heard the deputy say, walking into your cell.

“Yeah, no thanks,” you crossed your arms, sitting up.

“Yeah, well, you kinda have no choice, come with me,” he said, moving aside.

“Or what?” you replied.

“Listen, freak, no one has time for you to act like a brat. Get your ass up and come with me,” he said more fiercely.

You scoffed, and rolled your eyes, trying to hide your hurt, as you got up and followed him.

He walked you to an interrogation room, where two men in suites were. They were something, but definitely not FBI agents.

You cautiously sat in the chair across from them.

“Hey there, I’m Agent Ryland, and this is my partner, Agent Perry,” the taller man introduced himself.

You squinted, looking at them.

“Can I see your badges?” you asked.

“Yeah, sure,” you saw him take his and his partner’s badges, handing them to you, then gave his partner a look.

You looked down at the badges, smirking to yourself. They were definitely fake.

“Here,” you handed them back.

“Okay, so, tell us what happened,” the other man sat on the table.

“Didn’t you already talk to the sheriff? Or any of the deputies?” you asked.

“Well, yeah, but we’re trying to get the whole story,” the taller man replied.

“Fine. I was on a run, I couldn't focus on my studying and I needed to get away from people. Then, I heard a man screaming. So, like any sane person, I ran to him, and he was dead. Then, the police showed up about 10 seconds after, saw me there, and arrested me. The end,” you explained, kicking your feet up.

“Okay, was there anything weird about the body?” the taller man asked.

“Uhm, besides the stab wound?” you raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, anything at all?” he asked.

You thought for a moment, thinking back to the body.

“I think I saw a wound on his neck, sort of like a bite or something,” you remembered.

“A-A bite?” the other man asked.

“Well, I don't know, it looked like a bite to me,” you shrugged.

“Thank you for your time,” the taller man smiled.

“Well, it's not like I had a choice,” you rolled your eyes.

“....Right,” he replied.

“Okay, freak. Done in here?” the deputy asked, walking into the room.

You saw the two agents give the deputy a look. 

You ignored their reaction and nodded.

He grabbed your arm, taking you back to your cell.

----

“Maybe it was the kid,” Dean shrugged, looking at Sam.

“No, I don't think so. Maybe it was a vampire,” Sam suggested.

“What type of vampire stabs their victims? Maybe there wasn’t a bite, maybe she made the whole thing up,” Dean sighed.

“No, you saw her, Dean. There’s no way she could pull off a murder,” Sam crossed his arms.

“Fine. How about we go look at the body?” Dean asked.

“Yeah. Leave in 5?” he asked.

“Let’s go.”

----

After whatever happened, the sheriff had some “clarity”, and finally realized it wasn't you. You were released from the jail, but there was no way that someone wasn’t gonna bother you about it at school.

You groaned to yourself, as you put your backpack on, getting ready to go to school.

----

“Hey, freak. My dad told me that you spent the weekend in jail. You killed someone else?” a boy walked past you.

You ignored him, looking up, as you saw people staring and whispering at you.

You took a deep breath, walking to your locker. As you opened it, a bunch of papers fell out of your locker, all saying the same thing.

Freak, Murderer

Go kill yourself next time.

You held in your emotions, as you picked them up, throwing them all away.

You closed your eyes for a second, walking to your first class.

----

“Hey, freak, did you really kill someone?” you heard someone say from behind you.

You kept your head down, as you continued paying attention to your class.

“Miss (Y/L/N), stop talking,” your teacher called.

“I didn't say anything!” you exclaimed.

“Young lady, are you talking back to me?” your teacher asked, as the whole class turned to you.

“No, I didn’t say anything before,” you argued.

“Ma’am, I would just leave her alone, if I were you. Maybe Freak will murder you next,” you heard a girl say.

“That’s enough. Detention, Miss (Y/L/N),” your teacher called.

You took a deep breath, as you shut your eyes, wondering when things would change.

----

“It was a vampire. The stab wound didn't kill him, that was just a cover,” Sam ran into the hotel.

“Oh great, because we love vampires oh so much,” Dean said sarcastically.

“Yeah, now we just need to find where they are,” Sam sighed.

“Let’s go talk to the kid again,” Dean said.

“Why?” Sam asked.

“She was hiding something. Maybe she knows more than she was telling us,” Dean replied.

“Yeah, okay. Let's go find her,” Sam agreed.

----

You heard a knock on your door, cautiously walking to answer it. No one really visited you.

“Who’s there?” you asked before opening the door.

“Hey, it’s Agents Ryland and Perry,” they replied.

Oh great, the fake FBI agents.

“Look, I didn't kill that man,” you owned the door, sighing.

“I know, we believe you. Are your parents home?” Agent Perry asked.

“My parents are dead,” you replied.

“O-Oh, I’m sorry for your loss,” he replied.

“Look, I don't really want to know why you guys are here. You said you believed it wasn't me, so why are you here?” he asked.

“Just a few more questions,” he said.

“Hey, I've had a long day, and I don’t really have time for this,” you sighed.

“We’ll be quick,” they both walked into your house.

“No, no more questions,” you said.

“Look, kid,” he started.

“No, look, dude,” you mocked.

“I don’t want to answer any more questions, I have that right. Leave me alone, now, before I call the cops on you,” you crossed your arms.

“You’re gonna call the cops on the FBI?” Agent Perry raised an eyebrow.

“I’m not as dumb as all the law enforcement in this town, I know a fake badge when I see one. Now leave,” you said.

“Listen, kid, there's more at stake here than you realize. We’re trying to help your town,” Dean started.

“Let them all die then, for all I care,” you replied.

“Look,” Sam tried to speak.

You grabbed your phone.

“Three, two, one,” you counted down.

“Fine, we’re leaving,” Dean said.

He pulled Sam’s arm, as the two of them walked out.

“She’s definitely hiding something,” 

----

“Hey, freak,” you heard a voice say as you opened your eyes slowly.

You groaned, looking around you.

Your head was killing you, and your arms were tied up above your head.

“Who are you?” you said.

“Well, I’m a vampire,” he said.

“Vampires aren't real,” you replied, tugging on your chains.

“Maybe this will prove it to you,” he hissed, showing you his fangs, as he bit in your arm.

You let out a scream.

“Mmm, your blood. It's different. You’re something special aren’t you,” he said, walking around you.

“Please, let me go,” you said, getting scared.

“Aww, is the little freak scared?” he teased.

“I-I’m not a freak,” you said, as your eyes started watering.

“Well, everyone sees you as a freak. You’re different from everyone else, and you know it,” he said.

“I’m not a freak,” you repeated.

“Yes, you are! You’ve seen so many people die, you've killed so many people!” he yelled.

You held in your cries, as tears fell from your face.

“I-I never killed anybody. That’s just a lie,” you said shakily.

“I’ve watched you for a while now, kid. I know everything about you. You killed your parents,” he laughed.

“I didn't kill them!” you yelled.

He slapped you, as you gasped.

“You’re sick,” you spat.

“No, I’m just hungry!” he yelled, biting in your neck as you let out a cry.

“Hey, eat me, you son of a bitch!” you heard someone yell, as he turned away from you.

You let out a shaky breath, as your vision blurred.

“Oh, great. Winchesters,” he sighed.

Dean walked near you, holding a machete in his hand.

“One more step and she’s gone,” he held a knife to you.

You tried your hardest to hold in your cries as a whimper left your lips.

A few seconds after, you heard a slicing noise, as the knife fell to the ground, along with his body.

You let out a cry, as Sam undid your chains, as you fell to the ground, while Sam held you.

“It's okay. Shhh, it's okay,” he comforted you.

“It’s okay.”

----

“Dean’s getting rid of his body. How are you holding up?” Sam asked, sitting next to you.

“Uhm, okay,” you said softly.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” he asked.

You shook your head, looking forward silently.

“Does it hurt?” he asked.

“I’m fine,” you said.

“It’s okay to talk about it. I know it’s a lot to get through,” Sam gave you a look.

You jumped slightly, as you heard your phone ring.

You took your phone out of your pocket, reading your messages.

You’re a freak and a murderer. You should be in that jail cell

I can’t believe they let you out of jail you freak

You felt your eyes water as you turned off your phone, putting it back in your pocket.

“You know, whatever those people say about you isn’t true,” Sam started.

“Maybe,” you replied.

“It's not. Look, I don’t know what the problem with that deputy was,” you stopped him.

“It’s not his fault. Everyone calls me a killer,” you sighed.

“Why?” he asked, turning to you.

“When I was a baby, maybe 6 months old,” you started, as Sam tensed up.

“My mom died in a fire, in my nursery. When I was 13, my dad was murdered. People talk,” you said shakily.

“W-What?” he asked, shocked.

“And then, there was this one time…. I don’t…. something happened, I had a dream that someone died, and I told someone. Then, he died, and they all blamed me,” you closed your eyes.

“Kid, y-you’re not a freak, you’re just psychic,” Sam said.

“What?” you raised an eyebrow, turning to him.

“I am too. Or at least, I was. You’re not the only one with powers like that,” Sam explained, he stood up and started pacing around.

“Why me?” you asked.

“Well, it’s kinda a long story…… how often have you had those dreams?” he asked.

“Since my dad died,” you answered.

“I thought all of us were, well, either dead or still dormant,” Sam said.

“Sam,” you jumped as you heard a gruff voice, seeing a man appear in front of you.

“I-Is this a good thing?” you asked nervously.

“Yeah. It’s a really, really good thing. What's your name, kid?” he asked.

“(Y/N),” you replied.

“(Y/N), you're not a freak. You’re a psychic. And, if you let me help you, you can be a hero,” Sam smiled.

“How?” you asked.

“I’ll help you. Me and Dean both,” Sam put his hand on your shoulder.

“Why do you want to help me?” your eyes watered.

“Because I know how you feel. When I was your age, people called me names, people called me a freak. Things were crap. I don’t want that for you. I want to help you,” Sam said.

You wrapped your arms around Sam, giving him a tight hug, as he hugged you back.

“Everyone makes me feel like I’m a monster,” you said shakily.

“You're not. You’re normal. You’re not a monster,” he stroked your head.

You nodded your head as your tears fell freely. Because, for the first time in a long time, you felt okay. You felt safe. You didn’t feel like a freak.

[eccl3ctic0n3]

This Is My Personal Testimony of How God Found Me When I Was Lost.

I Am A Witness and My Testimony is of Jesus Christ the living Word of God

What you FEEL and what you THINK are valid and extremely powerful as these are the things you BELIEVE to be TRUTH thus this is your REALITY!

This is your belief system. Unless you suffer from mental illness therapy and counseling can be very helpful. Just talking about it and getting it off your chest is therapeutic in itself. No matter if it is a friend or a therapists getting things out instead of bottling them up and holding them in is great relief.

I was diagnosed bipolar type I when I was 23 years old. I am 41 now and it has only been in the last 5 years that I have been able to overcome, heal, grow, and experience breakthrough.

Traumatic experiences such as verbal, mental, emotional, physical, or sexual abuse to losing a loved one or friend has a lifelong affect. Therapy and medicine are just tools to help you and give you the skills, knowledge, and some understanding, so you can cope and learn how to manage with the pain and symptoms that remain.

I don't know who needs to hear this but I am telling you from 18 years of personal experience. Actually, 41 years as its only been 18 since I began treatment. Where doctors and medicine failed me for 13 years God did not fail me. I got lab ratted on all that time with powerful psychiatric medications. I spiraled out of control and my behavior landed me in the psychiatric ward of prison in the infirmary. 10 weeks I was locked in solitary confinement on 24 hour lock. I was deemed incompetent and unfit to stand trial. I was looking at two F1 Felonies with sentences from 5-99 years each. For 10 weeks I literally lost my mind and was experiencing full blown psychosis. It was in an instant that God found me and restored me to sanity. I did not find God. He found me.

I was lost and could not tell the difference between my dreams and reality. I slept in 15 minute intervals. In one dream I dreamt that I murdered my two children. I bashed my daughters head into the wall. My reality was this place I was in where no other person is visible was like a purgatory and I was awaiting my judgment to be thrown into hell.

I was on my knees in my boxers bleeding from my head and knuckles. I was head butting and punching the walls. As I was on my knees I was singing, ''My Girl, My Girl, Talkin Bout, My Girl." I was only thinking of my daughter and that I was never going to see her again.

The guy in a cell next to me screamed, " Shut the fuck up!" I just screamed back and told him to come on over and shut me up. What was he going to do we are in solitary confinement. 😅

I lost track of time and I was still singing and I began to cry out to God. Literally bawling and begging I screamed for God to help me. Don't you know the guy who cursed me came to my door and asked me to call his momma for him to bail him out. I laughed and said ain't you the same mother fucker who told me to shut up? Before he answered I just said whatever! Just write the number on a piece of paper and slide it under my door and I will get to it.

Mind you that for those 10 weeks I could not even read or use the telephone because I just didn't know how. The hands on the clock just spun round and round. Still on my knees sobbing I noticed the piece of paper slide under my door. I forgot all about it and I couldn't read or use a phone anyway. But I looked closer and I seen the red writing. This guy tore the last page of his bible out to write the number on. The red writing just caught my eyes and the first thing I seen was this. Revelations 22:16 I Jesus, have sent My angel to you to testify in the churches. I am the Root and Offspring of David, the Bright and Morning Star. As fast as you could snap your fingers I realized that I could read first of all. I then noticed I felt completely normal. I was just wondering wtf am I doing in my boxers bleeding on this floor? 😅 I got up took a shower and cleaned up. The guard came by and stopped giving me a strange look and asked if I was ok. I just said Im fine Im waiting on lunch its almost noon. I could read the time cause the hands stopped spinning.

Finally I got to use the phone and I called home and asked how long I was there. I said 2 weeks? My mom said you been there almost 3 months. I did 6 months and got both charges dropped down to a misdemeanor and 4 years probation. 2 years was deferred. I literally signed out of jail on a PR Bond. No fines, fees, or court costs at all.

That was 5 years ago in October. I never could forget or deny what happened. I knew immediately what the verse meant and what I was told to do. So I have done it this entire time everyday almost on social media.

I had never read a bible before and I was far away from God. I was really on the fence about the whole Jesus thing. What I know now and I knew at that moment was this. Jesus is God! He is the Father, the Son of God, and the Holy Spirit is the Spirit of God and of Christ. There is only one. Omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, and Sovereign Lord over all of creation.

I believe the words of the verse exactly for what they said. He sent an angel to me which is a ministering spirit and a messenger. I got the message loud and clear. So I do exactly as He has told me to.

It has been 5 years and I have not even had a cold. My doctor is weaning me off medications. It was by no means an easy 5 years at all. I suffered with overcoming addiction and the mental illness symptoms I was and still am learning to cope and manage.

There is one thing I learned in addition to all these things since then in talk therapy. I was raised by two narcissistic, one mentally ill, and completely abusive except sexually.

After all those years and all those medications and numerous doctors did not do for me what the Great Physician did in a moment of time.

Don't get me wrong. God has revealed to me that He has gifted these doctors, nurses, therapists, and the scientists or chemists that make these medications. Give or take these crooked sons of bitches.

Just know that God is Hope. Faith or Belief and any good thing at all about man is of God. He is Love. How is Jesus God? All things are possible with God. Just trust Him. Don't worry or be afraid. He has commanded us to be strong and courageous for He is with us wherever we go. He will never leave us or forsake us. He is faithful to keep His word. If He said it. He meant it. It is the Truth. Jesus said His words are Spirit and Truth. These words are Life and Jesus is the Way. The one and only true living God is the living Word of God. He was manifest in the flesh. The holy bible has been tampered with by man and today even more with hundreds of versions. However, man is foolish to think he could ever stop the Power of the Spirit and Truth that is the Word of God Jesus Christ.

Is the Father the Son or the Spirit? Is He 3 in one or one in 3? Don't split hairs with vain debates and argumentative subjects that no man can answer. There are simply things of God that man will never understand. Our finite minds cannot imagine, fathom, dream, or even comprehend the great things of God. He just said don't trip. I got this. Be still and know. Trust Me and Believe In Me. Have Faith! Never give up Hope. Without Hope this Life has no purpose and we have meaning at all. There is just certain death. Then we are worm food.

If it is all just a big story and we die only to find out that's it just black and nothing then fine with me. If we die and it is true and we chose not to simply believe and have the faith the size of a mustard seed. We'd be cursing ourselves not God from hell forever. We would know He was right and we have no defense or a word to say before the righteous Judge.

Life and death. Facts. Choose life or death. It is the most logical, reasonable, sane, and simple choice for anyone in their right mind. So anyone who says its blind faith and completely disregards facts, logic, or reason. You know just as God says. He has used the foolishness of this world for His wisdom. He makes those who are wise in their own eyes, puffed up with pride, and too stubborn or hard hearted to simply admit they do not know. Men fear what they do not know. Rightfully so. You should fear God. Both revere and be a very afraid of the One that can take your life and cast your soul into hell. He gives and takes away. Simple as that.

So remember no matter what the situation or circumstances shit is just temporary. All good things must come to an end. As do the bad. So suck it up, be strong and courageous. Has He not commanded us? He is with you wherever and nothing can separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus.

To anyone suffering right now I am by no means minimizing your pain. I feel you 1000% You don't have to believe a word from me. Just know there is someone who is always with you and you are not helpless or alone. You may be weak and in complete darkness that seems like hell. God is light in the darkness. He has the keys to death and hell. So weather life or death, heaven or hell. You gotta trust and believe in Jesus. If not it is your own doing. Most of our problems are self inflicted we bring em on ourselves.

This may be the hardest part for me to tell someone in depression just dwelling and can't let go. Do you know what depression is. It is YOUR THOUGHTS and YOUR FEELINGS. It is therefore YOUR BELIEF and thus YOUR REALITY!

This is self-centeredness. Depression for a while that is justified is one thing. Wallowing in SELF-PITY with the attitude WOE IS ME. MY LIFE SUCKS and nobody understands or knows what I I I am going through. No one could possibly relate to YOUR SUPERIOR PROBLEMS! GET OUT OF YOURSELF for a while. Have an attitude of gratitude. You are alive and if you can feel emotions and you woke up today then you KNOW that you are alive. LIFE is a gift from of GOD. He so loved all of us that He GAVE HIS LIFE so that anyone who BELIEVES in HIM Should Not Perish...SHOULD NOT! But HAVE RIGHT NOW AS IN THIS PRESENT MOMENT. EVERLASTING LIFE. God gave us HOPE of ETERNAL LIFE the FREE GIFT of SALVATION is the LORD OUR GOD JESUS CHRIST the ONLY BEGOTTEN of the EVERLASTING FATHER the King of Israel is the Holy One (Christ) or Anointed (Messiah) our SAVIOR and REDEEMER. Not by might nor by power but by that Holy Spirit of PROMISE which is the PLEDGE of our inheritance.

The only reason one would die when God gave us His Life so that anyone whomsoever at all Believes. The Way is the Truth and He has become our Salvation. He is the very HOPE, FAITH, and LOVE that abides forever. LOVE being the greatest. No one SHOULD die. It is a choice!!! Just like you choose to wake up and be grateful saying Thank You God. Bless you Lord Jesus for the Spirit translated "Breath or Air" of Life and the LIGHT we all see and we have heard the word of God preached and proclaimed to us all. So no one has an excuse to even say I Dont Believe! That is our free will and choice. Another gift from God. He wants you to choose Jesus and dont worry but be happy. Rejoice!! Make some noise!! God is good all the time. All the time God is good. We all have a reason for the very BREATH of LIFE that was blown into Adam's nostrils and he became a living soul. Adam just means man. Human. In His image and likeness. Male and female created He them. If you believe in Jesus and the Good News aka Gospel of the Kingdom and Eternal Life you have every reason on every Day the Lord has made to be grateful and choose to be happy. The Eternal One is the Alpha and Omega. The Ancient of Days is the First and the Last. The Almighty. Beginning and End. Genesis to Revelation. Death and Life He gives and takes away.

I pray you don't waste another moment having a pity party if you don't have an actual reason to be stuck feeling sad for an excessive period of time. It is selfish. Ungrateful.

Your THOUGHTS and FEELINGS are powerful. They are YOURS though. You and you alone have a God given free gift of grace to Think for yourself and Regulate or Control Your Feelings and Emotions. It takes time and it's a process of growing up and becoming a man or woman. He has not given us a spirit of fear, but of POWER, LOVE, AND A SOUND MIND. SELF DISCIPLINE your MIND. We have the MIND of Christ. The Spirit of God and of Christ. The Kingdom of heaven is within. God the Father, the Lord Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit is all within. What does it say? The Word is near to you, in your heart, even in your mouth.

It is Finished!

Revelation 22:16 21st Century King James Version (KJ21)

16 “I, Jesus, have sent Mine angel to testify unto you these things in the churches. I am the Root and the Offspring of David, and the Bright and Morning Star.”

Isaiah 44:6-8 21st Century King James Version (KJ21)

6 “Thus saith the Lord, the King of Israel, and his Redeemer, the Lord of hosts: I am the First, and I am the Last, and besides Me there is no God.

7 And who, as I, shall call and shall declare it, and set it in order for Me, since I appointed the ancient people? And the things that are coming and shall come, let them show unto them.

8 Fear ye not, neither be afraid. Have not I told thee from that time and have declared it? Ye are even My witnesses. Is there a God besides Me? Yea, there is no God. I know not any.”

[eddiemxnsons]

PROMPT/SITUATION LIST (1)

If interested, you can select one or more of these following prompts/situations to integrate into your Band of Brothers request!

PROMPTS !

(NOT ALL ARE MINE!)

BORDERLINE SEXUAL/FLIRT/NSFW

1. "I'm the captain of the girls Track and Field team and Cross Country team, but I can also be fast and dominating in other departments."

2. "Bite me", "If you insist"

3. "You're not very intimidating"

4. "Drop the attitude"

5. "We're just friends", "Friends don't nonchalantly do this sort of shit"

6. "Really? You want to have sex here...now?"

7. "Do you like that? Me being in control?"

8. "You wanted me to walk in on you"

9. "I dare you"

10. "Watch me"

11. "Don't test me"

12. "Don't be a smartass"

13. "Try to stay quiet for me. Can you do that?"

14. "Is that the best you can do?"

15. "Wanna bet?"

16. "Do not tempt me"

17. "We're in public, you know"

18. "Do you think they could hear us", "Yes we can"

19. "Quick, fucking hide in that closet"

20. "You're so fucking hot when you're mad"

21. "Hurry up"

22. "Wow, I didn't know your were that flexible"

SITUATIONS

1. Good morning kiss

2. In secret kiss

3. Against a wall kiss

4. Standing outside in the rain

5. Injury/death of character or reader

6. Going to meet his family/taking him to meet yours

7. Rainy morning spent in bed

8. Back hugs

9. Long embraces

10. Stroking their thumbs over the back of the other’s hand whilst holding hands

11. Softly stroking their cheek with their thumb

12. Jealous kisses

13. Distracting kisses

14.

ANGST/SOFT/GENERAL

1. "Fuck you"

2. "What's the point?"

3. "You're family, I could never

leave you behind"

4. "I've got you"

5. "I need you"

6. "I care about you"

7. "I'm just looking out for you"

8. "You make me feel alive. For the first time in awhile, it feels like I can truly breathe"

9. "I'd feel a lot better if you just let me walk you home"

10. "If I asked you to stay, would you?"

11. "I'm not a damsel in distress. I'm a damsel at doing damage"

12. "You couldn't handle me even if I came with instructions"

13. "It wasn't your fault"

14. "You're wrong and I'll prove it"

15. "There's so much blood"

16. "I actually found it in the

recycling bin behind the building"

17. "I can't do anything right"

18. "Don't tell me to relax!"

19. "Quit touching me, your feet are cold!"

20. "You aren't the boss of me"

21. "What gives you the right?"

22. "How is this my fault?"

23. "I don't care"

24. "Control your anger or you'll have me to worry about"

25. "I can't see anything"

26. "Don't look"

27. "All I want is a happy ending"

28. "__! Open the door"

29. "You lied to me"

30. "Marry me"

31. "I'm not going anywhere"

32. "Take my hand"

33. "Let me help you"

34. "It's okay, I'm here"

35. "Hear that? I'm alive, I'm right here with you"

36. "Have you lost your damn mind?"

37. "What the fuck were you thinking? You could have been killed"

38. "You need to rest"

39. "I can't feel my legs"

40. "Lucky shot"

41. "You're not going to die on me"

42. "__! Take my hand!"

43. "Take me instead"

44. "Don't touch her/him"

45. "Let her/him go"

46. "You're jealous"

47. "Watch me"

48. "You're dead"

49. "Am I going to die?"

50. "We found you crying. What happened?"

51. "Nothing ever goes right"

52. "Where is he/she?"

53. "This is all your fault"

54. "Wake up"

55. "I would rather die"

56. "I feel so sick"

57. "It burns/hurts"

58. "God must hate me"

59. "You shouldn't have gone by yourself"

60. "Get out of my way"

61. "You don't need to worry about me"

62. "Is that blood?"

63. "I can't say I'm surprised"

64. "Isn't that illegal?"

65. "I'll be with you the whole time"

66. "I don't wanna hurt you"

67. "I keep seeing his/her face"

68. "I didn't want to make you do this"

69. "Did you do this to yourself?"

70. "You have the emotional capacity of a brick"

71. "Shut up for a second, would you?"

72. "Are you wearing my shirt?"

73. "I want to marry you"

74. "I saw that. You just checked me out"

75. "You look awful"

76. "What happened last night?"

77. "I want you to be happy"

78. "If I leave here tomorrow, would you still remember me?"

79. "Do me a favor and break my nose"

80. "She/he is the star athlete"

81. "You owe me a drink"

82. "Please tell me you feel the same way"

83. "I'm in love with my best friend"

84. "You look stunning"

85. "You're so fucking amazing"

86. "You're burning up"

87. "I've got your back"

88. "I don't like the way they look at you"

89. "I took NyQuil instead of DayQuil on accident and am about to pass out"

90. "I totally let you win, I mean, look at who you're up against"

91. "Shit, that's a lot of blood"

92. "Don't give me that look"

93. "Am I scaring you?"

94. "Hey, you demon fuck"

95. "My thing is, I don't give a shit"

96. "You've always been trouble"

97. "God, you're pretty"

98. "Does it hurt?"

99. "I love it when you laugh"

100. "You shouldn't have done that"

101. "I'm here, baby"

102. "I'm seriously not that drunk"

103. "What the fuck were you thinking?"

104. "So I just realized...that I was shot"

105. "I don't necessarily hate you, but if you were on fire and I had a glass of water, I'd drink it instead"

106. "You love him/her don't you?" "Was is that obvious?"

107. "Are you okay?"

108. "Don't just stand there"

109. "Stop it, you're bleeding"

110. "I waited for you for hours"

111. "Dance with me"

112. "You little shit"

113. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry"

114. "Put the gun down"

115. "The blood says otherwise"

116. "I'd kiss you but it presently seems inappropriate to do so"

117. "Then marry me"

118. "Let's be honest, we/you got lucky"

119. "You having fun down/up there?"

120. "You're safe"

121. "You don't have half a chance, bitch"

122. "I have a hole in my side", "Pardon?", "I got shot"

123. "Stay quiet and don't fucking move"

124. "You look good today"

125. "Stop being difficult"

126. "Yeah, yeah, you're cute, now stop with that with shit-eating grin"

127. "Tell me I'm wrong"

128. "I'm only here to establish an alibi"

129. "I need a favor — not the sexual kind"

130. "Why can't I see you?"

131. "Help is on the way. You just have to stay awake a little bit longer"

132. "Do you want to die?"

133. "I'm fully capable of kicking your ass"

134. “Can you shut up for once in your life?”

135. “You’re jealous”

136. “I’m telling you. I’m haunted”

137. “Good thing I didn’t ask for your opinion”

138. “It’s six o’ clock in the morning, you’re not having vodka”

139. “Okay, so maybe I didn’t see that coming”

140. “Excuse me?”

141. “Can I kiss you?”

142. “You really thought I was dead?”

143. “God, I love your face.”

144. “I love it when you’re a mess!”

145. “I just want you to be happy.”

146. “I can’t imagine my life without you”

147. “Stop being a fucking dick”

148. “You weren’t there...why weren’t you there”

149. “Do you think?”

150. “Now it’s over....I don’t really know what to do”

151. “Don’t look”

152. “I can’t see anything”

153. “What’s happening?”

154. “Get away from me!”

155. “Whatever you do, don’t open your eyes”

156. “Somebody help me/us, please”

157. “Thank you for staying with me”

158. “Your eyes are so pretty”

159. “Get over here, you doof”

160. “You’re so needy”

161. “Kiss me again”

162. “I don’t care”

163. “That isn’t an option”

164. “What did you just say to me?”

165. “Let go of me”

166. “You aren’t the boss of me”

167. “Do I make myself clear?”

168. “Excuse me?”

169. “How is this my fault?”

170. “Why are your eyes so red?”

171. “Are you afraid to die?”

172. “Want some company?”

173. “Are you warm enough?”

174. “What’s the point?”

175. “I’m not afraid to die, just wish I could live a little first”

176. “I trust you with my life”

177. “I need you to live”

178. “You make me want to live”

179. “You’re worth more than this”

180. “You’re bleeding”

181. “You’re allowed to be upset about what happened to you”

182. “Please, let me help you”

183. “You have me”

184. “Just rest”

185. “I’ve got you, you’re safe”

186. “Why kill them with kindness when you can kill them with fire?”

187. “I bet you can’t jump high enough to reach the ceiling”, “try me”

188. “__, wake up!” “I’m not asleep. I’m dead. Leave flowers and get out”

189. “You’ll have to forgive __, she/he has a heart condition. He doesn’t have one”

190. “But if you’re here, who’s guarding Hades?”

191. “It’s freezing, come here”

192. “Say it again”

193. “Kiss me again”

194. “You were always sure of yourself”

[andyfire122]

Writetober day 13: Fight

(Olin belongs to @superyoumna and @hammie-heart. Dewana also belongs to @superyoumna  . Took me long enough to make this purely self indulgent fight)

Sarah sighed as she jumped back. A black spike of magic shot out from where she was standing earlier. Seems the guy who was following her finally made his move.

“You know how about we stop hiding now.”

The young man jumped down in front of her almost from the sky. He was wearing a mask that made his face look more like a demon. The wings just made it resemble more like a demon bat than anything.

He laughed. "I guess it would be too boring to take a pure soul too easily."

So he's looking for pure souls, the story of my life.

He summons what looked like a black scythe that seemed almost familiar to her. She braces herself as he lunged forward with it.

Her eyes glow golden only for a moment before she catches it, her wings emerging with the surge of power.

The demon boy hops back a little shocked at the development.

“What the fuck are you?”

I thought it was obvious you dipshit!

Sarah glared. "Like this should be a shock, demon boy. The real question is what the hell you are?! Even demon fusions shouldn't have wings like that."

He laughed. “Like that's important to someone who's gonna die.”

He summoned another dark spike but she went into the air to dodge it. She quickly summons what looked like a golden short sword to block him when he came up to counter.

Relentless little ass isn't he.

He gave almost a growl. “Your holding back.”

She grinned even though this entire encounter was just pissing her off. "Of course I am. I'm not aiming to kill someone tonight. You're the only one being a fucking shit tonight and now I'm a goddam liar!"

Aki just got mad at me for stuff like this and look at me, in another fight. My fault or not, I promised and now this happens.

Her hand glowed a bit as she clocked the boy across the face. He managed to catch himself in the air but his mask fell off.

Now that she got a good look at him, she was right that he was young. The bags under his eyes would be a concern if the guy wasn't out to kill her. His eyes gave the black and red that most fusions had but this was special.

So he's a fusion of a higher demon, heard about that but this is the first time I've seen it.

He wiped the blood from his mouth from where she punched him and laughed. "Your gonna regret that you stupid Angel bitch."

Great, creative insults have left this fight.

She blocked his scythe with her sword before a familiar presence came into her senses. She lowered her gaze and for the first time that night she was worried. It was Aki running below them. She looked concerned.

I was trying so hard so she wouldn't sense this through our connection. Shit, a pure Angel can't be discovered here. Especially with this asshole.

The demon boy grinned as he changed targets. He quickly directed his next attack towards Aki without even realizing what she was.

“Aki!”

The teen had a head start but Sarah was much faster. She moved in front of Aki and took the full force of the attack as the scythe swiped down.

Blood sprayed from the wound and her mouth as she fell back but before she hit the ground both the demon fusion and Sarah's eyes began to glow yellow.

The little boy looked no older than ten years old. He was trapped in a dark cage with a skeleton who was pinned with a spike. He could only watch in tears at what that void creature was doing to his mother.

“Olin, What's going on with Yousra?”

Olin couldn't respond. With each slam, the creature did his tears increased.

The skeleton grunted. "What are all these sounds?"

As the void monster began to sink its fangs into the woman did Olin's tears come in full force.

“Mom!!”

Sarah snapped out of it just as she fell into Aki. She quickly got up an held her bleeding chest. She can see it now. If you grew up that little boy from her vision what you get is the same teen who was trying to kill her now.

So his name is Olin. Though why did I see that now? What the fuck are these divine powers trying to tell me?

Olin jumped out but he was still ready to continue his attack. “What the hell was that?”

Her eyes widened for a moment but she gave a pained smirk. “So you saw something too. I guess I'm right to say that kid crying for his mom was you then?”

He came down in an instant after that. She caught the scythe much faster then she did before. Even as it cut into her hand she was much more focused and done holding back.

“Don't you fucking talk about my mom!”

It's like looking through a demonic mirror. Was I that much of a shit.

She glared as she stood up, still holding the blade. Things were painful but it wasn't the worst pain she felt. "I can't help what I saw Olin, and since you seem to want to keep acting like the prissy teenager you are how about I guess your vision. Something about a little girl with a brown dress."

I saw something painful from his past, its easy to say he could have seen something painful from my past.

Olin's eyes widened as he jumped back. He gave her a look over before laughing. “So the little girl crying for her daddy was you.”

Congrats, we both had to watch our parents get brutally murdered but why did that connect. Unless it's the same path I once did.

She turned to look at Aki and signaled for her not to act. So far he still had no idea about her. The redhead was crying but she nodded in agreement.

Great, I made her cry again.

Sarah quickly turned her attention back to Olin. Despite her injuries, she was completely calm. "I'll figure out what this means another night. I say it's about time we end this."

Her fist glowed as she luged for the attack. Despite what Olin was expecting she still wasn't aiming to kill but the force behind her punch was still enough to knock someone like him out for hours.

She took a knee as he was finally out of it only to go back to the defensive as an actual demon showed up. It gave a grin but almost looked scared at the two girls. Befoe Sarah had time to react it quickly gathered the unconscious Olin and vanished into the night.

She sighed in almost relief as she finally sank to the floor. Her chest wasn't bleeding quite as bad as it was before but for the moment things were ok.

“Sarah!”

She turned and smiled. Aki was running up concerned, quickly using her magic to try and heal the other wounds.

She laughed. "Would it be believable to say I didn't exactly start this fight?"

Aki sobbed but laughed at the same time. “I guess our fight was pretty stupid too.”

At least she's laughing. Though on the other hand, that kid Olin looks like he's gonna be a real problem. It seems like the past repeats itself but with different players.

[vxctorx-archived]

The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt sentence starters

PART 13

"Fine! You know what? I was gonna murder you guys! Are you happy?” "Is your story over? Can we watch TV now and you rub my feet?” "In another life, we could've run into each other.” "In another life, a lot of things could've been different.” "Life happens, and the only thing we can control is how we deal with it.” "Is this New York City? Am I allowed to be gay now?” "Thanks for your help earlier. You make a mean drug lookout.” "Me in a gang? I don't know. I'm not really a team player.” "My life wasn't perfect. Do you know where my mom is right now? Me neither.” "You are so hot. How have you not been kidnapped?” "Try and get me, baby.” "But you should blame yourself, because you're in control of your destiny.” "One way or another, I'm not coming back here.” "I would've gotten that job if I hadn't been covered in vomit at my interview.” "I just feel like the clock is ticking. As a wise man once said, 35 is checkout time for women.” "Whoa, boy, that was that was so good and sexy, but I-I gotta get up real early.” "You've been almost like a son to me these past nine years.” "I didn't know how to tell you. I'm pregnant.” " I'm Catholic, so I love doing things I hate.” "It's too bad heaven is just a fairy tale, and when you die, that's it.” "Well, she had to make dinner again, because you were at work.” "Ugh, look at that creep. Anyone who gets in his van deserves to be kidnapped. But with a shave and a haircut...okay, I see it.” "I can't believe you dare put your shadow on my step.” "I thought I was too big for this town. Me and my damn fool dreams.” "I ain't gonna turn you out. You're my kin. But I ain't gon' lift a finger to help you.” "I gotta hide. There's some real bad men after me. I can't go back to that place!” "Oh, yeah? Well, I've hated you since before you were born!” "How did I end up with such a loser? You have no imagination.” "Yeah, well, I need youse all out of here. I'm expanding my operation. Gonna turn this place into a meth lab.” "It's been a year. How many times have I actually taken advantage of this? Four. Not worth it.” "So we were trying to do it like they were doing it on the video, but then the ceiling fan broke.” "You were the reason I stayed in this shit town. Because of our love story!” "I was in control of my life until you tricked me into giving up on my dreams!” "I'm supposed to be in England right now. I'd be married to a lord, and we'd live in a castle that we have to open up to tours because we can't afford the upkeep and it's impossible to heat!” "Well, I am sorry I held you back, but hey, it's never too late to fulfill your dreams.” "I love how your shower is in your kitchen. In our home, our showers are in our bathrooms.” "Just hit me! Do it! I want you to! I wanna feel something!’ "Do you know where I could get my hands on some of that meth everyone's talking about? I wanna take apart my dishwasher, but who has the time?” "I am losing money every day that apartment is not a meth lab.” "Usually, when someone disrespects me, I just kill 'em!” "Let me ask you something. This your dream? Stewardessing? I mean, why does anyone do this?” "I just wanted to meet someone fancy and never have to work again.” "They persecuted him, hunted him down simply because he stole a few secrets. But now, thanks to this movie, he's back in the army, with access to more secrets than ever!” "I did what I had to do because you won't. You're not a man!” "I told you, never in public.” "We cured your homosexuality, remember? We were in the desert with snakes.” "How am I supposed to find a new wife in less than 24 hours?” "Oh-ho, nice try, girlie. But you see, dead people ain't got no rights.” "I’ve killed basically anybody who gets in my way. And guess where you are, bitch.” "Nothing is your fault! Except when you succeed. Then that's 'cause you're amazing.” "Are you asking me to marry you?” "You don't question why the universe gives you what you need. You take it 'cause you deserve it.” "We give this to the feds, and we can go into witness protection. We'll get a new house in a new city, even a new name!” "Hey, first chance I get, I'm gonna hide a icicle in my butt and stab you in the eye with it!” "I loved all the sex...and having it with you.” "Yes, it felt very natural and good...the sex that we had.” "I've been through a lot of terrible stuff that I wish had never happened. But I still have to believe that this is where I'm meant to be. Because if I didn't, I'd go crazy.” “Guess what, bitch! You work for me now! Oh, boy, I'm so sorry. I was just trying to be confident. Can I please be your client, please?” "I can't believe I came out of my room for this.” "I thought this might happen, but I only see you as a colleague and an enemy.” "Secrets are easy when you have no friends.” "You'd be "dating" a straight male celebrity who needs to look gay for his fan base.” "Look, please don't ruin this for me. I have not had a lot of girlfriends. I thought I had a girlfriend in high school, but it turns out, she was just pranking me into signing up for color guard.” “I got arrested for grabbing a cop's gun. But it wasn't my fault! I was hallucinating, and I thought it was a wizard's gun.” "That's a long time to be dating. That's too long.” "Hey, have you seen seven cats come through here?” "Are you talking menopause or werewolves? 'Cause one of them is a legend made up to scare children, and the other one is werewolves.” "Oh, honey, this is the real world. People don't change. Not like that.” "You're right. People don't change that fast. This is me after two years of therapy.” "It is his fault! No matter what I do, I'll always look like a failure compared to him.” "The difference between you and your father isn't that he was perfect and you're not. It's that he took responsibility when he screwed up.” "I don't wanna go back to prison. The lighting is so bad there.” "Well, part of your trust fund is earmarked for education. And you just got schooled.” "Not all of this was fake. When you stepped up and you took responsibility, that was real.” "I'm sorry. I-I can't just sit here and watch you two being all lovey-dovey.” "God, I wasn't planning on doing this now, but last night, I realized we've been dating too long. I'm sorry to do it like this, but will you marry me?” "You know what I can't do? This. Sorry, dude. I don't even know you. And also, I'm in love with my wife.” "I don't care if it ends my career. I can't live this lie anymore.” “I never thought this would be a bad thing, but my life has gotten safe.” "Hey, if you're thinking of taking up Russian roulette, I know people who will pay to watch.”

[beyainica-blog]

Guess who’s in the 230’s?

A bit bittersweet considering I could have been this weight monday. But I will take it and stop beating myself up.

I am literally 9lbs away from the 220’s. 13 days left until valentines day.

My goal is to get to 220 on valentines. I mean I want to be lower but I will take that. I’m 18lbs away with 13 days left. I need to lose 1.4lbs a day for 13 days to get there. I think I can do it.

Lets start with the bad.

Heart?

Even though I only workout 7-14 mins every day I have been STRUGGLING to get through my workouts. Like it takes me an hour at the gym to complete 14 min workouts. I have no idea what it could be. It honestly could be a whole host of things. I had pneumonia last week, even if the virus is gone. I read that you will feel fatigue for weeks after. Also, I’m on a liquid diet, I’m going to be tired anyway. And on phentermine. My heart is literally racing which it didn’t before, just after pneumonia. Like during my workout I can feel my heart beat out my chest. I guess the caffiene doesn’t have a buffer because I don’t eat

I am extremely weak. At work I try my very best to hold it together. But I feel faint. Luckily it hasn’t been so busy so I don’t have too much to do but still. I’m lucky I have my powerade, it gives me a LITTLE energy and there is enough sugar to keep me standing. I honestly think I’m burning too many calories for not eating anything. Like I don’t count the calories I burn at work standing, I only count when I work out. But yes I do burn calories standing everyone does. Idk if I should shorten my workouts on days that I work. It would be pretty dumb of me to drive to the gym for a 4-5 min workout. It’s already stupid of me to drive there for a 7 min workout. But I will do it. Maybe not workout days I’m working. Idk. I’m losing weight rapidly. I don’t want to give up working out because I want to be toned by the end of it. All of this stress I’m putting myself in is taking a toll on my heart so I need to take it easy.

Take little steps to make it better.

1. Take phentermine AFTER my workouts. See if my heart beats less

If that works thats how I’ll do it. I only took phentermine before because it helped my energy. Thats when I was restricting with food not liquid.

To help with energy. HONESTLY. I don’t drink enough. I think I’m cute and dainty when I don’t finish my powerades because I never do. Like not on purpose I just dont feel like it. Powerade is the only source for electrolytes for me. So I HAVE to drink it. Electrolyte imbalance can also affect heart rate. Honestly I don’t drink powerade or enough electrolyte water which I special order and have been since my water fast. My regime should be to drink a litre of electrolyte water and a whole powerade. Thats enough electrolytes I feel. Tommorow, I’m bringing my 50fl ounces Assentia water that I got for .79 cents which is normally $3. I am drinking that entire thing. You know what I can start doing drinking my water in the car. On my way to work start on it. Don’t start at work. Its less stress to finish. Start finishing my water before I even touch my powerade.

I have to bear with the weakness. I’m fine somewhat its not unbearable yet. I feel the most exhausted after work. I feel like because I’m in a public setting my body just knows to keep it together. I hope I don’t faint until I’m in the 180’s at least. I won’t be THAT heavy but still a complete fat ass.

I plan to keep this liquid diet going. If I become overwhelmed the first thing I will stop is exercise. Even though the workouts are short af. Thats the first thing to go. On days I don’t work. If the problem continues I may have to alternate. One day liquid. One day 500 calories + exercise. I want to be skinny but I want to be alive with minimal damage. Eating isnt binging. Binging is ordering 16 tenders and an X large pizza from Papa Johns with chocolate and a litre of coke. I didn’t plan to eat at all during feburary, but you bet your ass I will if I ABSOLUTELY have too. Honestly I feel like it would make the weight loss faster. Eating 500 is higher than what my body is accustomed to now, so my metabolism will get faster. Like I said, only when I feel like I HAVE to I will eat. The worst thing is having to exercise everything off. Thats what I hated the most about restricting. I love on this liquid diet I only have to workout 7-14 mins a day. Imagine. 14 mins of exercise to burn off a powerade. 5 chicken tenders at 108 calories each would take 32 mins. Thats insane. But at least I’ll have the energy for it.

I am addicted to this FAST weightloss though. I woke up at 240lbs honestly. After work I was 238lbs exactly. We love flunctuations.

Sweating

I have always been a sweater. Like this is genetics. Even when I was younger and skinnier I sweat. But as I’ve gotten bigger I notice that I sweat ALOT more. Its so fucking emberrassing. I’m so scared at work. Literally was getting slight vagina sweat. I can’t even think about it. Everyone will think my vagina is diseased. Its just sweat. I wear a waist trainer. 1. To hide my belly. 2. So it can catch my back sweat. It only goes to my back so I have to wear a tank top under neath. I don’t have a good one because I refuse to spend money on it. Maybe I should start wearing my sports bras and tank until I lose a bit of weight. I started wearing a long sleeve to hide my bat arms but I get so over heated its not even funny. Like I start to sweat everywhere. Yeah having three articles of clothes will make anyone sweat. Of course the heater is on in the resturant I work at because its winter. Mix that with running around to tend to guests you have a sweaty bitch. Being fat doesnt help at all. Neither does being gentically proned to sweat. It makes it 10x worse. So I had to take off my longsleeve at work today because I just clocked in and vacuumed and could already feel the sweat accumulate. AND I JUST GOT THERE. I said nah.

But I guess good news my work shirt is a lot bigger on me, hides my bat arms better than before. The only thing I hate is you can still see my stretch marks on my arms. But they have cleared a bit, it use to be deep ridges in my arm but I lost almost 70lbs. When I get to 200lbs I don’t think they will be there anymore. I’m certain by 180lbs they won’t I bet my life.

My work uniform is black so that makes it worse though I’m thank ful. Today I had to shave my vagina and armpits to stop the sweat some what. Only to wear polyester under wear because again. I don’t wear underwear and I refuse to buy them unless they’re a medium or small. Right now large gives me wedgies so maybe I can fit into a M/L idk but I gotta get more under wear don’t have a choice because I can’t work without underwear. You know Idk if its because I had pneumonia, or if its the phentermine, or if its the liquid diet. But weeks before I didnt sweat this much. I went to work frequently without underwear. I wore my long sleeve shirt no problem. Now its a problem. Sweat can also be caused by fighting an infection. Maybe I’m still fighting the pneumonia. The thing about pneumonia is even after the virus is eliminated by antibiotics its still going to kick your ass for a few weeks. Fatigue and cough

Another thing is I move so fast at work by the time I get back to my post I’m sweating its good but, bad at the same time

Weight is still an issue and why I sweat so much so this is just an incentive to lose more weight.

Goals

I see my doctor on the 22nd or 23rd a week after valentines. I hope to be 209 or lower. By then and if I can keep on this diet I think I can. Last time I was there I was 254 (260 on their scale) so 209 will be a PLEASANT suprise and they will be very happy. Thats a 51lb weight loss and thats ALOT of weight. They will literally worship my feet and give me more phentermine they’ll give me anything I want. Though I gotta do blood work so thats like $168 but its okay it has to be done I understand. I made alot this pay period and the only thing I have to pay is, registration, tax, inspection, gym $10, mom and buy more water and powerade. I should have like $200 left. If not I deffo get paid again the 15th of this month. The 2nd of March. (The day after my cheat day) so my cheat day is on a thursday. Good. Maybe I’ll push it to saturday. Or the day I’m off. Definetly want to be out of the 200’s by the end of feburary thats my top goal.

Valentines day

I hope I’m not hyping it for nothing. I hope I get something from someone.

If I lose 2lbs for the next 13 days I’ll be 212lbs on valentines. (Could have been 207)

If I lose 1.5lbs for the next 13 days. I’ll be 218lbs (could have been 213)

If I lose 1lb a day for the next 13 days I’ll be 225lbs (could have been 220 exactly)

I hope I lose at least 1.5lbs a day consistently. So far I been losing 2-3lbs everyday. 3lbs mostly I would love to lose 3lbs a day for 13 days that would be EXCELLENT. That would put me at 199lbs exactly (could have been 194) imagine if that actually happened. I would DIE. I’m 39lbs away from getting out of the 200’s I’m excited. I just hope I’m losing weight for a reason. Honestly lose 1kg a day is reasonable I eat less than 300 calories a day, and I bet you my starting weight was more than this girl whoever she is. If I get to 199lb by valentines. Bitch. I will be 180lb by the end of feburary. Plateau nor metabolism will stop me.

Boss

Lately I noticed that every time I go to work I work with my one manager that likes me. I can tell he likes me because the other manager which is his friend is always around. They giggle and stare at me. He makes the schedule so that I only work with him. Its kind of cute. I like how I make him shy. But sometimes I get flustered. He catches me off guard. He walks REALLY slow towards me its kind of nerve racking. I purposely dont look at him because its emberrassing. He keeps coming up to me but saying ABSOLUTELY nothing. Adorable.

Jeans

I really wanted to wear size 9 jeans, on valentines. But it wasnt because of my binge. I dont think I was going to fit in them anyway until I get to 180’s but its okay.

My size 16 wide are so fucking loose. The day they fall off my body is the day I stop wearing them period. Until then we gon wear it sis.

Belly

Despite the weightloss I don’t think my bell has been affected at all granted. I’ve only lost like 15lbs I just dont see it in my stomach which is my first problem area. I hope by valentines day at, atleast 212lbs it will reduce. Seriously I’m tired of looking at it. When I was in college at 22, I was 213 and my stomach was FLAT. I remember because I weighed myself. So these next 26lbs better be fucking good to me or I’m FIGHTING. A pound of fat in terms of physical is huge. On the scale its nothing. I’m tired of having a pouch in my jeans. I’m tired of looking at it hang. It needs to go. Arms next. At 180lb I better not see a fucking bat wing in sight.

[littlelovelymemes]

✰  —  —  —  EVEN MORE POPULAR TEXT POSTS STARTERS

‘  let me just make one thing clear... i have no clue what’s going on, ever, at any moment, at any point in time. who knows what’s going on? not me. not ever.  ’ ‘  i would just like to publicly announce that i have no idea what i am doing  ’ ‘  we came from the same star and we will come together again in the end  ’ ‘  i have a ‘why am i like this’ moment at least five times a day  ’ ‘  did i need it? no. did i buy it? yes.  ’ ‘  the most dangerous game is resting your eyes after you turned off the alarm clock in the morning  ’ ‘  petition for stars in the day time please???  ’ ‘  i love it when i wake up and stretch and something cracks. makes me feel like a glo-stick  ’ ‘  drop whatever you’re doing right now and climb a tree  ’ ‘  the most fucked up part of adult life is how you can just decide to do things  ’ ‘  i’m a person who wants to do lots of things trapped inside a body that wants to SLEEP at all times  ’ ‘  i’m so tired but i’ll probably be awake until 3 am for no reason  ’ ‘  time to kick my own ass. bitch had it coming for too long  ’ ‘  honestly ‘thanks i hate it’ is one of the funniest phrases in the english language  ’ ‘  do you ever wonder how many people have loved you and never told you?  ’ ‘  the internets one true talent is making me sick of things i’ve never seen or read or heard  ’ ‘  i’m permanently emotionally damaged but it’s chill, i’m chill  ’ ‘  all cracker barrels are dimensionally linked. you could walk into a cracker barrel in georgia and walk out of one in arkansas and feel nothing  ’ ‘  ‘you look different with makeup’????? you think i’m buying shit for hundreds of dollars to just keep looking like my ugly self ... ok  ’ ‘  why did the fray go off so hard in ‘how to save a life’?  ’ ‘  anyone else bummed they have 2 sleep alone tonight and uh not in some1s arms  ’ ‘  not to be too controversial but i like it when people are nice   ’ ‘  the sun has no business tapping out at the tender hour of 5pm bitch i have depression  ’ ‘  i forgot how fucking weird november is theres no afternoon its just night after 2pm  ’ ‘  what time do you need me? i am unavailable whenever that time is  ’ ‘  look i may have made a few typos and committed a few murders but nobody’s perfect okay  ’ ‘  i guess at this point i should just consider dating myself  ’ ‘  i’m aiming for the “she’s a badass and cute as hell but i wouldn’t touch her without asking” look  ’ ‘  haha if you’re bored you could kiss me idk just sayin  ’ ‘  i see you’re paying attention to someone who is not me. why is that.  ’ ‘  80s music wont solve all my life’s problems but it certainly distracts me from them  ’ ‘  i cant believe what walkie talkies are called  ’ ‘  some people think life is like a rollercoaster but my life is more like one of those rides that spin really fast so you’re pinned to the wall and can’t do anything about it  ’ ‘  hey girl do you want to make a fragile human connection in the vast and unfeeling infinity of a chaotic universe  ’ ‘  all these fuckboys but who is the fuckfather  ’ ‘  i love drunk me but i don’t trust her  ’ ‘  do you have those people that you’d go anywhere with unconditionally, like they could say “lets go check out that dumpster” and you’d be like “im in”  ’ ‘  nah sorry i cant go out tonight, i have plans to spiral into uncontrollable anxiety starting in the early evening and ending at roughly 3 am  ’ ‘  me: queen of having had enough  ’ ‘  she needs a hug (i’m she)  ’ ‘  is it acceptable to start an essay with “listen here you little shit”? 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kiss me on the lips dude  ’ ‘  too many songs about love. not enough songs about sword fights  ’ ‘  don’t talk to me or my 78 insecurities ever again  ’ ‘  i just did a tarot reading... it said ur a bitch  ’ ‘  a good substitute for love and fulfillment? a crunchwrap supreme from taco bell  ’ ‘  i fucked up? idk what you’re referring to but probably  ’ ‘  *in a high-pitched mocking voice* "are you okay?" what the fuck.  ’ ‘  how do u just..... not believe in aliens  ’ ‘  a coffee pot can be a coffee mug if you just don’t fucking care  ’ ‘  “you’re up early!” jokes on you i didn’t sleep at all and am in between energized and dying  ’ ‘  dont wanna sound like a slut but i really need a hug right now  ’ ‘  casual fan? no sorry i only know how to invest my whole livelihood into something and spend every waking moment thinking about said thing  ’ ‘  i have a dozen hearts swirling around my head irl like that isnt a filter its permanent  ’ ‘  i worry about you even when you say you’re fine  ’ ‘  i will never hurt you. i will always stick by your side. i will always try to make you smile  ’ ‘  true love: having to hold back your adorable, violent girlfriend to keep her from straight up murdering a dude  ’ ‘  cute date idea: be nice to me  ’ ‘  im so jealous of people who know what they want to do with their future i dont even know what t.v show to watch next  ’ ‘  me? clingy? yes please don’t leave me  ’ ‘  hey….,.,.. no offense but,,. i want someone to love and cherish me  ’ ‘  i need someone to lay in bed with me for hours  ’ ‘  dark hannah montana..... show me the worst of both worlds  ’ ‘  someone has to say it: come on eileen is a fucking banger like that shit snaps,, a bop for the century  ’ ‘  roses are red, i’m going to bed  ’ ‘  bless netflix for creating the skip intro button honestly  ’ ‘  they call me… 7 Knives. because that’s how many knives it takes me to cook things because i keep puttin em in the fuckin sink without thinking about it  ’ ‘  i wanna burry my face in someone’s chest right now til i fall asleep and wake up 4 hours later just to find i’m still in their arms  ’ ‘  the internet has ruined me honestly i’m numb to everything. it could be the end of the world and i’d be like “tag urself i’m the acid rain”  ’ ‘  lately i have been…….dying to be in love…,..and that’s the mood sadly  ’ ‘  not to be ns fw but i’d cry if someone kissed me on the cheek  ’ ‘  sexting? nah. i’m into spexting. spooky texting. ever seen a ghost? hmu.  ’ ‘  not to sound cocky as shit but i’m a fucking good person with a big heart and i deserve a lot more than the shitty hand life has dealt me this far  ’ ‘  i say i love you a lot because i do  ’ ‘  i’m sorry. i can’t come to the phone right now? why? oh. cause i hate talking on the phone please text me instead.  ’ ‘  low on self esteem, so u run on mac & cheese  ’ ‘  who’s gonna come lay with me in bed and let me wrap my legs and arms around u like a small bear  ’ ‘  youre a coward if youre not on the way to my house right now to give me a kiss  ’ ‘  my personality is like 90% the song i’m currently listening to  ’ ‘  the first step to any murder is to have fun and be yourself  ’ ‘  no offense @ life but can i have a breath.. a break... some slack...  ’ ‘  the best kind of alcohol is a lot  ’ ‘  911 i hate to be “that guy” but i glued myself to the ceiling again  ’ ‘  having “feelings” is ruining my reputation of being a heartless bitch  ’

[alittleranting]

Barista in Love (extract, Ch. 1+2/13)

Barista in Love (Day6)

Chapter  1

You were sitting in your favorit restaurante, the sun was shining and it was a beautiful day. You really enjoyed your day off and couldn't wait to spent some time relaxing on your 3-day-weekend. Suddenly your peacful toughts got disturbed by a yelling woman. 

"You're so clingy I can't take it anymore. I have an important job. You're not worth my time!"

"But i love you! I just want you to spend some time with me insteed of working 24/7! You're so fucking selfish!"

"Selfish? I just want to fullfill my dreams by working my ass off. I love my job! I'm better than you, you just chase after a dream you can never fullfill!"

"I will never stop dreaming and I know very well that you love your fucking job more than you do love me!"

"Yes I do!"

He looked, at his now exgirlfriend I guess, in total shock. He probably tought she would deny his offend. You just couldn't take it anymore, that conversation was just to similar to the one you had with your exboyfriend. He never understood or supported you but you would have done everything for him. You really wanted to help that poor guy so you decided to speak up.

You walked over to the fighting couple and shouted angry: "How can you say he isn't worth your time? You really think your god damn job is more importent than a loved one?"

The guy blushed, he definitly didn't expect someone would defend him. "Who do you think you are? Do you know her Jae?"

You didn't let him answer and said instead: "No he doesn't know me but I consider myself a friendly person and I just couldn't help it I had to say something. You're such an ugly person!"

"You call me ugly? I'm an actress bitch!"

"I was talking about your personality you stupid cunt."

You rolled your eyes and turnt around, you graped Jae's wrist and pulled him with you. "Hey what are you doing?" He wasn't complaining he was just curiously asking but you didn't answer him.

"Where you two think you're going!? Jae? JAE? Hmpf.." She left in a different direction.

"Hey.. hey slow down." He stopped you and looked at you confused.

"Thanks but who the hell are you?" ~he grin.

You blushed, still holding his arm "Hi, ähm I'm [Y/N], I guess you are Jae.." 

He laught "Yup, that's me... Sooo [Y/N] why did you help me?" He tilted his head looking at you with warm darkbrown eyes and a gentle smile. You just stared at him for a second, he was kinda attractiv.. ok maybe not kind of... maybe more like hella good looking! He suddenly waved his hand in front of your face. "Hello, earth to [Y/N], you there?" 

"Oh yes, sorry.. What where you saying?" Your cheeks were as red as a tomato.

"Why did you help me? That's the only thing I asked." He scratched the back of his head in confusion.

"I just had to, I know how it feels to get left behind by your loved one..." You looked down at the ground, still feeling the pain, after almost a year... Your grip on his wrist broke loose and you turnt away.

"It was nice meeting you, glad I could help. Bye." 

He just stood there, he didn't move, at least you couldn't hear any footsteps. You walked faster, you didn't know where to go because your flat was located in the other direction but you couldn't just turn back and pass by him again. Lost in your thoughts you notice someone running towards you. Damn it... You spun around, without lifting your head and wanted to say something but you couldn't because you got smacked on the ground. You looked into Jae's shocked face. He quickly got up from you and held his hand to you. You graped it and he pulled you up on your feet.

"Oh my god, I'm so fucking sorry. You suddenly stopped walking and I couldn't stop myself that fast.." He laught a beautiful laugh... God damit what are you thinking [Y/N] you don't even know him... You sighed in annoyment and rolled your eyes.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked, that was stupid. Gotta go..."

You snaped out and looked at him walking away. You graped him by his shoulder.

"Sorry what did you ask?" He looked in disbelief at you..

"Girl you are weird... do you ever listen when people talk to you?" You blushed again... You should definitly try listening this time..

"OK, one more time. I just wanted to know if you want to grap a coffee and talk a little bit. I want to thank you properly so the drink is on me." He frowned. You felt so bad for him that you made him repeat himself.. for the second time.

"Sure I would love that." You smiled from ear to ear. His eyes widend and he smiled happy. He hooked his arm under yours and started walking. 

"You know a good café?" 

"Yes, I know the perfect one." You lead him towards the best café in town. The one you were working at.

Chapter 2

As you opend the door you hear the familiar ringing sound of the little bell over the door. You spottet your coworkers Chanhyuk and Ailee behind the bar. You smiled at them.

"[Y/N]? What are you doing here. It's your day off." Ailee shouted through the whole room.

All eyes were on you. You just shook your head while you laughed. 

"I'm her as a customer today." You nodded your head to Jae to signalise you weren't alone. Ailee raised her brows two times giving you a smirk. You laught to yourself as you set down at a table near the big glass front.

"You work her?"

"Yup. Told you I'll bring you to the best café in town." You stick out your tongue.

"You know, this café is actually quite near to my university."

"Oh you go to the Art University? What's your major?"

"Music." He said super cheerful. You could her and feel how much he must love music.

"So what do you two cuties want to drink?" Chanhyuk asked smirking at you two.

"Mh what's good her?"

"I'll take my favorite and bring him just a moccacino."

Chanhyuk came 5 minutes later with your drink. Jae and you talked over so many things, where you were born, your parents, his sisters and your non-existing siblings, what your hobbies are, favorit food and all those little things. But your big topic was music. You learnt that he plays the guitar and he likes to sing and rap but he can't dance. You two made a deal, you would show him some dance moves when he teaches you how to play the guitar. You always wanted to play an instrument but you never got the chance to learn it; you thought it would go well with your singing. You two exchanged your phonenumbers and said goodbye but....

"OK that's awkward, seems like we live in the same direction."

"To be honest, I just didn't know were to go. I mean I lived together with Suzy and it just happend that I choose to go into this direction."

"Oh.. can you stay with a friend or something?"

"Yes, I'm just calling my best friend Haru, she always helps me." He took his phone out while he still walks beside you.

"Dammit my battery run out.." You hold your phone under his nose.

"Use mine, dumbass." He dialed the number.

"So you already got a nickname for me?" He lifted his left eyebrow. Befor you could answer, you hear him talking to Haru. You started thinking again.. Suzy... you feel like you heard that name befor... but you just couldn't remember quite where.. You felt Jae graping your hand and pulling you to him, you looked at him with wide eyes.

"Fuck [Y/N] you wanna die or something!?" He screamed at you and you just realised then that you were about to step onto the street although the traffic light for pedestians were red. You stuttered a 'thank you' and graped tight to his arm. Jae stroke your back and handed your phone back to you.

"And did Haru say yes?"

"Yup, I'll take the next bus and drive to her."

"That's great."

You two crossed the road and you took him to the bus stop. You said goodbye another time and you left to go to your apartment. You let yourself in and undress yourself on the way to your bedroom.

"What a day, I never thought people actually still meet outside the internet. Never thought I would meet someone out in "the real world". OK I mean like we aren't a thing or something like that but he is cute and I really want to see him again. Ahhhhh I can't wait to get guitar lessons from hin, I hope I can concentrate when he is around.. god damit what should I wear? Fuck how old am I? 14?.... Dammit I should stop with those self talks. Yup better stop...... AND I'm still talking to myself."

You rolled your eyes and laught at yourself. You pluged your phone in, graped your PJ's and go to the bathroom to take a shower. When you got out of the shower you heared your phone ringing. You jumped through your apartmant and looked at your phone. It was Ailee, you picked up.

"Hiiiii giiiirl. Soooo who the hell was that good looking guy you were with!? You HAVE to tell me EVERYTHING!!!!!"

"Yes hello to you too Ailee. His name is Jae and I just met him. I don't know much about him but I'm going to meet him again." 

"YAAAAAAAAAS bitch it was about damn time you get yourself a man!"

"Dammit Ailee I told you I just met him!"

"Doesn't matter I saw the look in your eyes, you like him and I'm happy about that. I thought after Kyungsoo you're never ever going to find a guy again."

"Could you please not start that topic, I really don't want to talk about him..."

"Sure, my bad sorry. Hey my shift is over in an hour how about me coming over with a pizza, ice cream and we watch a movie?"

"That sounds like a very good idea!"

"Okidoke see you in a bit."

"See ya."

You hang up and watched at the clock. 6pm. Okidoke got some time. You cleaned your apartmant a little bit and collect the clothes you had left on the floor. Suddenly your phone rang again.

"What now Ailee?" You asked fake annoyed.

"Sorry to disappoint you but it's me, Jae."

"Oh hi, no problem, what's up?"

"Just wanted to know if you got time tomorrow and if you're willed to do me a favor?"

"Sure anything." You said way to quick and silently face palmed yourself. You hear him laugh.

"Nice, I want to pick up my stuff from Suzy and I would love if you could come with me, as my accomplice."

"Haha sure, that's totaly my thing." You said sarcastic.

"Great I'll text you again tomorrow."

"OK, till tomorrow. Good night."

"Night?" You hang up. 

"Motherf-ing god what iS WRONG WITH YOU [Y/N]!?????!?!?! Good night? It's just half past 6!!! Argh!" You just felt like you're a teen again... blushing over a crush... You don't even really know him... but he is sooooo cute.... You need to stop thinking about it at least you have to try.

Later you enjoyed the movie night with Ailee and you two started gossiping over old school friends and customers. You kinda missed those "girl nights" since your break up with Kyungsoo you'd pushed your friends away but you definitly wouldn't do that anymore. At 11pm Ailee said good night and left, with a full belly you got into your bed and drifted off to a cozy sleep.

[thorne93]

What Are We Gonna Do? (Part 14)

Prompt: Imagine that you’re Spencer Reid’s wife, and you get the news of his arrest in Mexico. But you’ve been keeping something from him and the team. How will it affect Spencer?

Word Count: 2990

Warnings: Language, violence, anger, drama, angst

Notes: This picks up right at the beginning of Season 12, episode 13. Spoilers from here till then. Thanks to my beta @like-a-bag-of-potatoes​

Tags: @ultrarebelheart @cocosierra94 @marvel-imagines-yes-please @demongodess @brooklhyn

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was nuts. Emily had explained all of the details on the plane to you all. Spence would be the one to go in, not JJ.

 “But Emily,” you started.

 “No, Y/N, I can do this,” Spence argued calmly.

 “Then we’re giving that bitch what she wants! This is so unstable! You aren’t instated, you're emotionally unstable...”

 “We aren’t changing the plan,” Emily snapped over the monitor. “Am I making myself clear?”

 You waited before responding. “Yes,” was all you could say before Emily hung up the call.

You still thought this was a bad idea though. You hated it. You didn’t want him anywhere near that psycho bitch.

 Finally, you were in the prison, Cat just on the other side of the one-way glass.

 Spence was fidgeting, nervous and worried. You stood in front of him and put your hands on either side of his face.

 “Hey, hey, look at me.” He opened his eyes and looked at you. “You have got this. You beat her once, you can do it again. JJ and I will be right here.”

 He said nothing but whipped away from you and went in, JJ and you right on his heels as the door closed. You were now in a room with the most sadistic bitch you’d ever met and it was taking everything in you to not choke her, slam her on the ground, shoot her in the face…

 “Spencie,” she cooed like a love-struck teenager and you flinched to lunge at her but JJ held your arm. “Oh, and you brought Y/N, this ought to be fun.”

 “Where’s my mom?” Spence demanded.

 “I missed you,” she noted, ignoring the question.

 You flinched again.

 “What did you and Lindsey do to her? How did you--?”  

 “Now stop,” Cat ordered and Spence obeyed, making you see all shades of red as JJ had her hands on your arms. “You don’t get to walk in here and hiss at me like I’m the criminal. Now, we do this my way.” She kicked the chair from under the table and he caught it and sat down.

 “How was prison? Did you like it?”

 “No.”

 You moved toward her and JJ pulled on you again. All you wanted to do was smash her smug fucking face on the table.

 “Oh, what’s wrong, wifey? Can’t take the thought of him being shanked or gang-banged in the shower?”

 “Rot in hell, you psycho bitch,” you spat.

 She laughed. “You should really muzzle your dog, Spencie. But I’ll get to her later.”

 You wanted to just kill her. Slow, painfully…

 Then she turned her attention back to Spence. “It’s not fun is it?”

 “Unlike you, I didn’t deserve to be in there.”

 “How did you stay sane?” she wondered as she leaned forward. “A brain like yours need stimulation in such  a gray place.”

 “I worked in the laundry room and played chess,” he informed, losing patience. Yours was already lost. You’d lost your patience at the door. It was a miracle Cat wasn’t bleeding out on the floor.

 “That’s 3, maybe 4, hours, tops.”

 “I read.”

 “That’s still not enough.”

 “Why do you care what he did to occupy his time?” you blurted out, angry.

 “If you don’t keep her quiet, mommy is dead,” Cat said, not looking away.

 “Y/N, don’t talk,” Spence ordered, his eyes not leaving her’s.

 You balked at him but didn’t say anything. Diana was on the line here.

 “You have to…go some place...Up here. Or else you’ll go crazy.” She sat back and asked, “Do you want to see where I go?”

 Your jaw clenched and you wanted to say, “No, but I’ll see you in Hell..” But you kept quiet.

 “I’ll show you. Come here.” She curled her fingers and your stomach did a flip. This wasn’t real, was it? Cat was psychotically nearly flirting with Spence...and you had to watch it unfold. He leaned forward without hesitation and you thought you’d throw up.

 She put her hand up and you said, “No touching.”

 “Close your eyes. Good. Now keep them shut. Sit back and relax. Now, when you open your eyes, I want you to look at me...like I’m the first woman you’ve seen after being in prison for three months.”

 Her eyes shot to yours and you felt like you could make her burst into flame right then and there.

 “You bitch,” you spat but she just smirked.

 “Now open.”

 He opened his eyes and looked at her...differently. “Hello, Cat,” he greeted as if she were you. As if she were his wife. You wanted to strangle him and kill her. What the fuck kind of sick god damn game was this?

 She laughed and said, “You’re here! You’re really here!”

 You thought, “I’m about to be there too, you horrendous bitch.”

 “There’s no where else I would rather be,” he said sweetly back.

 “You’re good at this. You’re so good at this. I almost believe you don't’ want to kill me.”

 “I don’t want to kill you,” Spence said simply.

 “I do,” you scoffed internally. Spence wasn’t that type of person, but you were. You never minded putting the monsters down. It took a lot of restraint sometimes, like now. Now was especially fucking hard to not just put 1 right between her fugly eyes.

 “No?” Cat questioned. “What if I let your mother die? Then would you kill me? Or would you just hurt me? Would you pin me down and leave bruises that don’t go away?”

 She was being seductive. Oh god. You were going to throw the fuck up.

 “Is that what you want?” Spence asked.

 “I want you to do things with me you’d never dream of doing to your wife,” Cat answered slyly. “I just want to know if you would...if you could,” she said.

 “No.”

 “No?”

 “It’s not the kind of man I am.”

 Cat made a face and said, “Do me a favor and tell blondie and wifey to step aside because we’re going to play another game and this time we’re going to find out exactly what kind of man you are.”

 JJ turned slowly, tugging you with her but you fought against her. Finally, she pushed you out and closed the door.

 “Are you insane?” she demanded. “You almost got Diana killed in there.”

 “JJ, not fucking now,” you warned. “Imagine if that was Will in there, huh? Would you be okay with him pretending to play footsie? Huh?” you pressed, getting in her face.

 “Look, I know this situation sucks but you’ve got to play by her rules or we’ll lose him. If Diana dies because you couldn’t keep your cool, I don’t know if Spence could forgive that.”

 You took a deep breath and sighed. “Fine. Fuck it.”

 You stood behind the glass, ready to break something. Maybe Cat’s face.

 “Let’s play,” Spence said.

 “Let’s!” she responded excitedly. “Are you hungry?”

 “No.”

 “Me neither.”

 “So the same game as last time? I answer every question you ask honestly?”

 “No, this time you get to ask the questions.”

 “What is she getting at?” you asked JJ.

 “I don’t know,” she answered, shaking her head.

 “About what?” Spence asked.

 “Well, I know a secret about you and you can ask me as many questions as you like to figure it out. But you only get one guess as to what it is. Now, guess correctly, I take your phone, I call our friend Lindsey and I tell her to release your mother, unharmed. If you don’t…” She made a gun with her two fingers and pretended to pull the trigger then laughed, like a god damn idiot. God you hated her so much.

 “Is there a clock?” he asked.

 “There’s always a clock. Give it to me,” she ordered, holding her hand out. He complied and took off the watch you’d given him for your first wedding anniversary. The pang that went through your heart was too hard to ignore and you made a small whimper come out. JJ eyed you and rubbed your back gently as that horrendous whoring bitch put Spence’s watch on. “Now, you’ll have four hours. Not yet. You have to wait until the second hand comes around.”

 “JJ, I can’t fucking do this,” you said, spinning around and holding your stomach.

 “Yes, you can.”

 “No,” you shook your head.

 “Well, I have to focus on Cat...Do you think you can pull yourself together? Because if not, I can’t watch you and her.”

 “I’m fine…” You ran off to the bathroom to throw up some of your bodily fluid since you hadn’t eaten in three days. You stood up and screamed in the empty bathroom, letting your emotions out. You hit the stall wall with your fist repeatedly. You wanted this hell to be over. Finally, you rinsed your mouth out and came back. “What did I miss?”

 “Cat said it was a secret he would never admit to,” she informed.

 “Great,” you muttered, your arms crossing.

 “Go,” Cat instructed.

 “I know what the secret is,” Spence said.

 “You do?” Cat asked.

 “Why else would you put me through all this?”

 “Ooh, paraphrasing in the form of a question, that way it doesn’t count as a guess. Very smart, doctor,” Cat said.

 “I’m going to walk you through a scenario, and your face is going to tell me how close I am,” Spence informed. Meanwhile, you were sweating bullets. He could not fuck this up. He had to be on his A-Game and you weren’t sure he was. “From the moment I arrested you, you watched and waited for the right time to take your revenge. When you learned I was going to Mexico, you took it. You and Lindsey framed me for murder, so I’d be put in prison and treated like a criminal. And then you kidnapped my mother, so I would know how it feels to have a parent manipulated, because you want to prove that you and I are the same. Am I right?”

 Cat yawned dramatically. “Sorry, I couldn’t hold that in any longer. What were you saying?”

 “Psychopaths get bored easily.”

 “You’re right. Let’s speed this up shall we? Why don’t we talk about all the pain you’ve suffered in your life. What would I like to capitalize on, do you think? Is it the death of your mentor SSA Jason Gideon?”

 You tensed before moving closer to the window, your face igniting in a fury.

 “JJ,” you said, warning her if she didn’t fucking stop, you’d make her stop.

 “No, because we caught the man who killed him.”

 “What about Agent Morgan? And your guilt over not visiting his little boy.”

 “I was in prison,” Spence remarked.

 “Yeah but you had time before that,” Cat noted. “Why didn’t you go?”

 “Truthfully, I got distracted. I was trying to figure out a way to help my mom. She didn’t have time. Morgan, Savannah, and little Bobby did.”

 “Bobby?” you questioned as you turned to JJ. Why did he get the name wrong? More importantly...why didn’t Cat correct him?

 “So there’s absolutely no shame in admitting that,” Spence added. “Morgan would understand that.”

 “I agree,” Cat said quietly. “That’s why that’s not the secret.”

 Spence looked back at you two.

 “JJ, call the office. Now.”

 She obliged.

 “Go ahead you two,” Emily said.

 “So Cat has a deep background on Spence. She knew about Gideon, Morgan leaving, but when Spence gave the wrong name of Morgan’s baby, she didn’t correct him,” you informed.

 Emily expounded on the idea and they began to dig. You came back to Spence and Cat conversing and he suddenly said, “So what is left that I wouldn’t want to admit to?” A moment of quiet grew between them before he answered his own question, “Love.” He leaned forward. “Is that what this is all about, love?”

 A pit grew in your stomach. What did he have to admit that regarded love? Maybe you didn’t want to be here for this.

 “JJ,” you said, panic rising in your voice as you took her hand.

 “Or my mother?” he continued as he stared at her. “No, for you. You want me to admit that I am actually in love with you.”

 Your knees felt weak. What...the...ever...loving..fuck...was happening?!

 “What the fuck did he just say?!” you demanded, screaming. JJ wrapped her arms around you to calm you, because you were going mad. You were thrown into a fit of rage.

 “No! Hey! He’s just playing her little game. Don’t fall for this.”

 “Don’t get me wrong, I love my fairy tales, clearly as much as the next girl, but I’m not delusional.”

 “Are you sure about that?” Spence questioned and you finally calmed down enough that JJ would let you go.

 “Very sure. So sure, in fact that I had Lindsey leave a little clue for you in your scrapbook in your house. I couldn’t have you come all the way down here and make a guess until I was positive. That is, until I tested positive.” She looked down at her stomach and gripped it.

 “What, you’re pregnant?” Spence asked, wondering what this had to do with anything.

 “We’re pregnant,” she corrected. “Maybe Y/N and I will have twinsies,” she said.

 “JJ, what...what is she talking about?” you demanded in a calm voice but you felt a cold sensation wash over you then a hot one. “JJ, what the FUCK is she talking about?!” you commanded in a much louder tone. Your heart was racing. This had to be a sick fucking joke, or her and Spencer were about to be fucking dead.

 “No,” Spence said, shaking his head.

 “Oh, yes,” she argued, clearly happy as she looked to where you would be standing behind the glass. “He really has some good swimmers, huh, Y/N?” she questioned and you slammed your hand on the glass, a murderous rage coming over you.

 JJ tried to calm you down but you just whirled and looked at her.

 “Let’s make sure it’s even real, Y/N.”

 You tried to calm yourself, and finally, you were able to. “Fine. Get the bitch’s file.”

 JJ requested a guard to bring her medical record.

 “It’s not possible,” Spence said. “Even if you are pregnant, the baby’s not mine.”

 “Except for the part where it is,’ she argued

 “That’s completely preposterous. You’ve been in prison.”

 “So have you.”

 “And we’ve never--”

 “Oh, I know we didn’t consummate it the way you normally would,” she said, glancing back to the one-way glass.

 “I’m going to fucking kill her,” you said out loud.

 “Y/N,” JJ warned.

 “No, fuck you, JJ. This is fucking bullshit!” you shouted at her.

 “Focus!” she ordered. “This is just giving into her. Okay?”

 You took a deep breath and refocused.

“Ask me how I did it. Come on, ask me,” Cat requested.

 “How did you do it?” he asked.

 “I had Lindsey dose you in Mexico. You lost time and I gave her very specific instructions to get you in the mood,” Cat said.

 Your jaw dropped as tears came to your eyes. This wasn’t fucking happening. How could this be any more of a fucking nightmare.

 “What? Did she pretend to be you?” Spence challenged.

 “Why? Would that have worked?” Cat asked.

 “No.”

 “Yeah, I know. I know. Believe me, I know exactly where I stand on the Spencer Reid hot or not list. I don’t stand a chance against your wife.”

 “In more than one way, you fucking cunt,” you spat and JJ gave you a shocked look.

 “I told her to pretend to be Y/N,” she said matter of factly and the wind was pushed out of you. “The love of your life, the mother of your child, well...one of the mother’s…” She smirked.

 “This can’t be real,” you breathed, horrified.

 “It didn’t happen,” Spencer denied right as the guard came back with the file.

 JJ looked at it and her sympathetic eyes shot to yours as she slowly shook her head. You yanked the file from her hand and saw where it had pregnant as checked marked...and she was three months along like you. Your vision filled with white and red.

 Cat was talking but you couldn’t hear the words. Spence got up and came out of the room.

 “What is this?!” you demanded as your husband came toward you. “What the fuck is this? Huh!?” You threw the folder at him with all your strength. “Explain that!”

 “Y/N,” JJ started but the look out of your eyes told her to keep back.

 “It’s three months, Spencer, same as our child! What the fuck is that?”

 “I don’t know,” he said quietly then he repeated it. “I don’t know!” he shouted, throwing the folder at the window. “I’m sorry,” Spencer said after he threw it, trying to calm himself down.

 “You’re sorry?!” you shrieked. “She’s going to have your child? I’m supposed to have it, not her. How could you let her do that to you?” Angry tears were streaking your face as he came toward you to comfort you. “No! Don’t fucking touch me, Spencer Reid. Don’t!” He stopped and looked at you sorrowfully. Thinking back on it, you were probably more angry about the event than at Spence. He couldn’t help what happened to him, he was date raped. But you were so angry, so hurt, and you felt so violated for him, you didn’t know how or where to direct your anger.

 “I was drugged, Y/N. I don’t remember any of this. It’s not like I willingly impregnated that psychopath. I love you. Please don’t let her mind games get between us.”

 You stared at him a moment before saying, “You just need to find Diana. We’ll deal with this afterward.”

[mellow-yellow-nutella]

Okay I saw This and went "Let's Do This"

This is for Logicality bc bitch ya'll know I love them too much (Human AU bc otherwise that wouldn't make sense)

1. Acts like they're dying when they have a cold; Logan. He's most definitely the type to go "why am I stricken with such awful bodily functions? Oh, what am I to do??" and is just,,, super worried since he n e v e r gets sick.

2. Gets mad at the TV and throws the remote: Logan. His temper when there's a falsehood stated in the news is just... unrivaled. Logan is now only allowed to view the news on his phone, with one of those indestructible cases.

3. Gets the worst road rage: Logan. Again, he hates idiots who can't drive for shit and his patience is as thin as paper as it is. He's had a hard day of work and now he has this shit to deal with??

4. Spends too much time in the bathroom on their phone: Patton. Once he was in there for two hours binging The Office. Logan had to pick the lock to get him out.

5. Packs the whole closet for an overnight trip: Logan. It's not so much anxiety as it is "well, fuck, who knows?" and he can't resist Patton's puppy eyes.

6. Hates the In-Laws: Logan. He only sighed up to marry the love of his life, he did n o t sign up to deal with Patton's family. One Patton was enough.

7. Hits the snooze button... 11 times: Patton. Logan has become his new alarm clock with a kiss to his nose and breakfast, and that surely wakes him up.

8. Makes the other late for work: Patton. Oops, they got into another morning makeout session bc Pat didn't want to say goodbye to Logan and well,,, it works.

9. Uses the television as a babysitter: Logan. Has no fricken clue how to handle kids and when he's on his wits end he just shoves them in front of Barney and calls it a day.

10. Takes in the stray dog: Patton. You all know he's gonna see that poor, old dog on the streets, soaked in dirt and chilled to the bone and skinnier than he needs to be and just... looks around, then snatches him. Two days later he's fat as a pig and cuddling between the two and Logan is just... not surprised.

11. Suggests a 3 am trip to McDonalds: Patton. He does it just to mess with Logan and to hear him mumble, "I can't believe I actually love this cryptid..."

12. Leaves their shoes for the other to trip on: Logan. It's payback for the McDonalds.

13. Can't make up their mind when it comes to dinner: Patton. He thinks it all looks great, but their wallets disagree with buying everything so,, it's just very stressful for him.

14. Needs to be reminded of all their appointments: Patton. He always forgets and Logan is like a fricken computer, so he doesn't really need to remember anyway.

15. Bribes the other to do the chores, get out of the house... take a shower: Patton. Those puppy eyes and kisses get Logan every time, and tbh he doesn't really mind doing them anyway.

16. Picks the movies: Patton. He knows Logan enough so he won't do anything too drastic, but he also doesn't just let Logan pick bc he knows that if he did they'd watch documentaries on some boring shit. So he usually goes with horror movies with strong sci-fi themes so that they're both entertained and Patton can cuddle into his side when scared.

17. Takes the safety steps when building a fort: Logan. He doesn't want his husband to die somehow, and if they're going to build a fort, they're going to build a good fort.

18. Kisses the other's injuries better: Patton. He doesn't care that he's near blood and shit, he'll make sure Logan is happy and safe before anything else. He's just a sweet bab that doesn't really know what else to do ;;

19. Is addicted to mobile games: Patton. Logan has tried everything; parental locks, app security, and grounding him, but somehow he still manages to get on without Logan's noticing. It's strangely brilliant and Logan is a little impressed.

20. Kills the spiders: Logan. Patton cannot bring himself to be in the room, let alone actually hurt the poor creature. He's not that heartless towards the poor smol arachnids.

21. Hogs the blankets: Patton. Patton is constantly cold and wants all the blankets, and I mean,, Logan isn't complaining. That just gives him reason to snuggle up as close as possible.

22. Takes pranks too far: Logan. He doesn't exactly know how the art of pranking works, so he just sort of,,, takes it a bit too far and overly complicated. That's why he never pranks.

23. Makes the dirty jokes: P A T T O N. I cannot stress just how many jokes Patton makes just to make Logan start coughing wildly and check his ears to see if he heard right. He loves making Logan flustered and he'll be damned that it's funny when Logan tries to explain that Patton has made these jokes a lot and no one believes him. Patton makes up for it with some kisses tho.

24. Keeps a piggy bank: Logan. He likes keeping all the money made from precious memories in the piggy bank to remind him of Patton, since it's so childlike and adorable.

25. Has no problem having ice cream for breakfast: Patton. Doesn't give a shit. Logan will tell him that's unhealthy just as Patton goes to finish another tub.

26. Gets a tattoo when they're drunk: Logan. He went to a co-worker party and, when one of his more annoying co-workers dared him to down a bottle of whiskey, he just couldn't refuse. So now he's waiting on the curb for a bus home when he spots a tattoo parlor and, in his drunk mind, decides it's a good idea to get Patton's name on his neck in nice letters. It turns out surprisingly okay and when Patton found it that morning, he almost cried of happiness and anger because HOW MUCH DID THAT COST WERE DID YOU GET IT WHAT HAPPENED--

27. Trips over their own feet: Patton. One time Logan caught him princess style, all suave and shit, and Patton made a pun so Logan dropped him. It was a nice memory.

28. Makes the other go on a walk: Logan. He's very restless after work and, when Patton gets home, he'll walk with Patton to catch up and calm down. Patton doesn't really mind, he thinks it's cute as hell.

29. Whines until they get what they want: Patton. Patton will most certainly beg and scream like a little child, especially when Logan is being stubborn. Which is every time. Logan usually shuts him up with a kiss and begrudgingly agrees.

30. Tries to act tough but really isn't: Logan. He's a big softy, but doesn't really know how to show that since he's never really been romantically involved before Patton, so this is all new to him and he built up a few walls. Patton quickly knocked them down with kindness though.

31. Talks the most, says the least: Patton.

32. Talks the least, says the most: Logan.

[orpheusterminals]

Can you get to that? Jason Robert Bell's mystical inspirations

POSTED ON MAY 24, 2013.

INTERVIEW

For Gallery 400’s current exhibition, I THINK WE’RE READY TO GO TO THE NEXT SEQUENCE: THE LEGACY OF HALFLIFERS, the HALFLIFERS—the collaborative team of Torsten Zenas Burns and Anthony Discenza—present a re-edit of their entire video history as well as an alternative self-portrait that catalogs key materials, sources, influences, and other touchstones in a new book. Alongside the HALFLIFERS’ works are sculptures, videos, drawings, installations, photographs, and paintings by a number of invited artists who have affinities with the collaborative and who have produced new works mining the HALFLIFERS’ oeuvre. As his contribution, artist Jason Robert Bell created The White Feathered Octopus Tarot Card Deck, a full tarot card deck inspired by the HALFLIFERS, whose title is taken from a novel the artist published in 2012. On June 13 at 7pm, Bell will use one of his decks to perform a “Multi-Mystical" Tarot Card Reading.

Having worked on the exhibition, I was keen to learn more about Bell, his practice, and the piece included in the show. In an earlier conversation about his work, Bell wrote to the Gallery: “The artwork I make is not a conceptual twist on content, or an exploration in transitive forms, or anti-social pop surrealism. My artwork is the wave I surf across this reality. Everything is at once serious and silly.” Reading Bell’s answers, one can begin to understand how true this statement is.

Image: Jason Robert Bell, The White Feathered Octopus: The Painting, 2012, ink and acrylic on canvas.

Leonard Cicero: What is your relationship to the HALFLIFERS and how did you get involved in this exhibition?

Jason Robert Bell: The Time was 177666 and the place was Horned Beast University, where I spent many a night getting “Philip K. Dicked” around by two tons of fun, known as The DAFTKNIGHTERS.1 They, along with their ever-faithful Gynoid Glamazon, the Great Gatzke, were right there with me in the C.R.C. Charismatic Metafaun program.2 It was there, in the Thoughtorium, that the old girl got up the gumption, if you know what I mean. Full and total UniMindPenis Collective Life form achieved, the four humors realized the White Feathered Octopus, crawling off the dirty futon to change the station of Hypertexcube and see what the C.R.C. had fully loaded into the Interfaith Orpheus Terminal.

LC: How does The White Feathered Octopus Tarot Card Deck fit with your previous works or practice?

JRB: I have made a number of decks. The first was when I was a senior citizen at the Windycity Country Club. A fellow camper there—LuRa Kino, a local Thothist in her own right in Windyonion—left a random book in my person. Thothic Chamber was a series of stage magic tricks based on the Arthur Lee of Love Deck that the Divamom had around the old Shit Shack in the sub-urban apartments of Rocketcityutopia. I made the cards on paper I stole from Windycity Country Club's Orpheus Terminal Laboratories, as was my duty for four years of attendance. I did the entire seventy-eight in all the Major Arcanna. The first twenty-two cards, the classic archetypes, were strongly ripped off of Arthur Lee of Love Deck. But, after showing them to my Beloved Master, Dr. John "Twisted Roots" Kimsey, I began the Lesser Arcanna with the pursuit of a singular and personal vision. I still have the Deck, they were exhibited at the Windycity Country Club's Fart Gallery, in their "throw a dog a bone and finally exhibit some mother fucking student's work again" seminal exhibition "EL Cheapo." It was a big deal because a noted future Windyonion fart dealer was working there at the time, and I was confused because he thought I was a loser. But I showed him! He never had a full MindPenis activation! There have been a few more decks created over the years, mainly finding their way into the storage spaces of ex-girlfriends and a few noble fart collectors’ hypertextcubes.

As for how this current deck came about, the DAFTKNIGHTERS asked me to create something for this sexhibition and sent me a blank do-it-your-own-damn-self Tarot Card Deck. It came in the mail and sat on my desk for a few days inside a box of over thirty different tarot decks that I have collected over the years. I went for a walk here in beautiful Greenberg, my home of the last thirteen years since I left Windyonion. There, on the side of a Boho Collective Flop den that was next to the fearless bike, was a fresh patch of "The Sons of Zeus." I quickly dug the yellow flesh from the turf and injected it directly into my MindPenis. Upon going home and removing my exoskeleton, I spent the next fourteen hours drawing The White Feathered Octopus Tarot Deck, using only my departed father's leftover art supplies. The images in the deck deal with the same "reality" that I wrote about in my sci-fi novel of the same name, THE WHITE FEATHERED OCTOPUS. I will be releasing the first edition of the paperback at Quimby's Bookstore, there in Windyonion on the 11th of June at 7pm. The book will cost $17.766.

Within the book, there is a section about humanity’s first contact with intelligent life, the Emergent Mothers—a "race" of octopod creatures that float about a meter off the ground and communicate with a biological thought-crystal hologram projection. There, at Ice Station Liger on the Moon of an Extra Solar Planet, two clones of the Mercury Seven Astronauts have sex with the creature and the three fuse into a new single entity, which becomes the new human race, the Alphaflight'n Primitives. They are the next phase of reality.

Image: Jason Robert Bell, The Orpheus Terminal 7, 2011.

LC: What have been your own personal experiences with tarot card readings?

JRB: I sat on my father's lap at the Tejas Yestermorrow fair when I was five, the reader told him everything he wanted to hear. That is really what is going on here: the Tarot is a method to speak to the Bi-cameral MindPenis. That inner and true self within each of us that can never speak aloud.

LC: For your closing reception performance, you intend on using the cards you have created in a mystical reading involving a dozen individuals, each of whom will represent one of the twelve signs of the zodiac. I am more familiar with one-on-one readings. Why and how will you be using the volunteers at the White Feathered Octopus Tarot Card reading on June 13?

JRB: We will be doing a variation of the "MindMirror" Reading, using multiple decks in unison in keeping with the standard "Chance" King Wen Sequence of the IChing's elemental change. We are no longer One-on-One; we are digits in a thirteen-fingered hand of a God.

LC: Is there a connection between the tarot card reader and the artist? Do either exist because we believe they do?

JRB: I consider myself a mystic. I use visual arts, the tarot, the Internet, and the random events of my personal and public life in order to access higher planes of existence.

LC: I read much of the HALFLIFERS’ video work and zombie aesthetics and the other pieces on display in THE LEGACY OF HALFLIFERS as commentary on the anxieties and uncertainties related to the current state of economic hardships, technological advances, and capitalism’s demise. Is your work in any way meant to be political? Do you consider yours a social practice?

JRB: As far as I can tell, we are all apes that are carrying around biochemical hard drives. Our programming is the result of generations upon generations of dynamic living information parasites that primarily exist in the form of sound-waves, the solid state architecture of the hypertextcube, and the Interfaith Orpheus Terminal transmissions.

Can you get to that? The Old Candy Corn Jackhammer that is this here Untitled Snakes of Assyria is a Shuck and Jive, the Jefferson Davis brain fuck. Those names on the map are not really there when you zoom out on Google Earth.

There is no such thing as a country or as society, but rather it is a bunch of apes that figured out if we hunted in a pack we could kill more Wooly Mammoths and get the sexy wives and daughters of those bastard Goat People that live down river.

Capitalism will never die, as long as there is one last needledick bughumper weasel out there that wants to "profit" and is willing to kill his brother for property. As long as people live under the illusion that they are any less than chattel, foodstuff for the oncoming C.R.C Overlord's dinner plate. As long as we are breeding a massive underclass of workers/soldiers/prisoners for their ongoing Warworld Three. As long as we are living the allegory that Frank Herbert warned about—with a hydraulic resource wasteland battlefield where there will one day be the Radiant City of Tomorrow—there will be the Pig Snout of Capital showing up drunk to take the Bird Footed Bitch Goddess of Babylon to the Prom.

Image: Jason Robert Bell, The Fire Inside, 2009, acrylic, epoxy, metallic pigments, collage, and sand on canvas.

LC: What preparations are you making to enhance the reading and connect with the audience members who will be participating in your performance?

JRB: Every day I awake at dawn without a clock. I go to my roof and both Thor's Stoned Zeus Burns and Anthony "REDRUM" Distcenzaaaaxax come out of the clouds all Zion King and shoot a laser directly into my MindPenis via my Pineapple Gland. Then, it is your standard day in the life of most people: 25 mile run, 1000 handstand push-ups (500 each hand), and a standard doctor allowance of NN-Dimethyltryptamine, all in unison with Binaural music and an hour-long reading of the Book of the Law.

Beyond that, there is no need for preparations. The Thothist travels without tools and uses whatever is on site or they happen upon during the journey, in order to create the Masterpiece. That, and my square-jawed, three-fisted Tejas know-how, charisma, and dreamy bedroom gray eyes do the trick every time.

1. Bell refers to the HALFLIFERS, calling them “The DAFTKNIGHTERS” several times throughout the interview. Furthermore, Torsten Zenas Burns and Anthony Discenza are called Thor's Stoned Zeus Burns and Anthony "REDRUM" Distcenzaaaaxax.

2. C.R.C. stands for Clandestine Reptoid Conspiracy.Jason Robert Bell was interviewed by Leonard Cicero, who is currently a student in the

Museum and Exhibition Studies

program at the University of Illinois at Chicago.

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Chapter 4

Twlight Moon sky

It wasn't like i felt anything. Sitting in jail. Looking out the window. You might ask yourself. Why am i here? I guess i killed someone.. My two best friends.. Shyriu..And leen. On their 18th birtday I guess..I kinda owed Shyriu my life. Where to start? I guess when i was born. You know there are other worlds out there. So i was born on a world called 'Darkite'. There were the poor and the weathly the poor weren't alowed to talk to the weathly. But my mom and dad talked. They even made me. My world went to war once they found out i was born. So my mom sent me to this world. Where i could have a life without war. I crashed here. On this world. Terra. A young woman found me. She was working on a haunted house looking for ghosts. She was inlove with a man named Vincent. He was...So hansom A year later those two moved into the house. Since she liked the house so much. Vincent and her adopted me. They didn't want spria to find me. Spira was basicly the FBI for this world. I was from another world..And they knew that. I looked more like Vincent. Red eyes..Black hair. I mean..Red eyes aren't normal for this world. But whatever. I was maybe 7 when my adopted mom and Vincent got into a big fight. She did have a son with some else.. And she ran off with the father of that son. Leaving me and Vincent. I grew up..Without really knowing her. I knew Vincent really loved her. More then anything. After 10 years i knew he still missed her. She saved his life. He would always tell me that story. How they always went on date..And he wanted to marry her. Luci...Was her name. The same year she left i met shyriu.. And leen. They became my best friends within a week. When we were 10. Leen make us all necklaces. Mine was a dark red flower. Shyriu's was yellow. And leen's was pink. We all shared everything. By age 13 i started falling inlove with Shyriu. He was just so perfect for me. A year later Leen asked him out. He said sure. I felt so broken. I wanted him to be with me. I hid in my room for a week. Not even a month later Shyriu saw how hurt i was and broke up with leen..You didn't have to do that Shyriu..I'd be with you in heaven so..All 3 of us..Together again..To bad i can't die. I tried so many times. Suicude...Getting killed by the cops. nothing.

I guess i should start my story. Quit my mindless talks. Like i use to do with Shyriu... i was about 17 when this happend. My birthday was in Octotber. This was in the summer. Well the begining of summer. Around may. Finals were comming up. Not like i cared. School is just a place to baby sit you till your 18. Anyway. Shyriu always walked me home from school. Today he was walking me home. We had just dropped Leen off. My house was far into the woods. Right before i walked inside he grabbed my arm. "Twlight.." I looked at him. "Be my girlfriend" He looked into my red eyes. I blinked. "Okay.." He hugged me. "Thank you.." He whispered in my ear. He ran back to his house. I walked into the kitchen. If i could i would use this place as a haunted house. I laughed as i walked to get a drink. Vincent stood in the door way. "I hear you.." I said as i poured myself some wine. "You shouldn't be drinking that" "You shouldn't be telling my what to do..Your not my real dad.." I said as i took a sip. He grabbed the glass from my hand. "Room..Now" Uhg why does he always tell me what to do? "No..You can't tell me what to do..Dick" His eyes flashed a bright red. I knew that meant he was pissed. I grabbed my bag and ran up the stairs. I sat on the floor of my room for a hour. I looked out the window. I went to lock my door. I ran to the window and unlocked it. Vincent can't tell me what to do. I jumped out the window and ran to Shyriu's house. By the time i got there it was dark. I knocked on the door. His little sister Aria opened the door. "Is..Shyriu here?" I asked. She closed the door. I stood there waiting for him. i heard a window open. "What you doing here sweet stuff?" He said as he sat on his window smoking something. I smiled. "Looking for a little fun" He got away from the window. I climbed up on the side of the house. I rolled into his room. It was your normal emo room. Posters everywhere. I loved him for that. My best friend...And boyfriend. "Leen should be here soon.." He said as he poured me some drink. I smiled at him. "You think we have some time for fun?" He looked at me. "What kind of fun?" I shrugged. He picked up a ligher. "Wanna smoke?" I shook my head. We heard a knock on the door. "Shyriu? you in there?" It was leen. He grabbed my hand. "Come with me.." He opened his window again and we jumped out in and ran. We ran to the beach. He slid down in the sand. Making me fall with him. He looked at the night sky with all the stars out. "It's nice..Isn't it?" I looked up at the sky too. "Nice..Like you" He said as he looked at me. I looked at him. He Kissed me. My phone rang. I looked at it. 'leen' I just threw my phone and kept kissing Shyriu. We just made out on the beach for awhile. His phone rang. It was leen. He sighed. "Ey Leen? Oh Twilight? She's with me..Her..Dad wants her? Ugh..She just ran off..Maybe to go home" He hung up on leen. "Your dad wants you.." He looked at the sand. "Maybe you should go.." I also looked at the sand. "Or stay here with me.." He looked at me. I got up and grabbed my phone. "I should go.."

The next morning i woke up in shyriu's room. I sat up holding my head. I saw him getting dressed. I looked at the clock. 6am. I looked at him again. Oh man..That's a nice ass. I put my long black hair behind my ears. He put his shirt on then looked at me. "Oh..How long have you been watching?" Hehe..Enough to get turned on. "I just got up.." He pointed to his couch. "There are some clothes..Leen left them." What happened last night? "C..Could you leave the room for a second?" I asked as i got up. He nodded. He left the room. I looked at the clothes. I put them on then looked at myself. I looked like a preppy fag. I just looked at myself. He knocked on the door. "You..Okay in there" I ran over to the door and opened it. He looked at me and laughed. "You look cute" He said as he hugged me. "We gotta get tho school now.." He grabbed his backpack. We left his house and walked to school. "EEEKKK SHYRIU!!" oh i forgot..Our friend Elia..She loved shyriu more then anything. Can she could get him. Since she was the queen and she could get anyone she wanted. She ran over to him and kissed him. He looked at me as she kissed him. "Oh..Don't you love me anymore Baby?" She asked. She was a bit younger then us. Her long blue hair was like a shitty scene kid's. Good thing we didn't have any classes together. The bell rang. Me and Shyriu ran to class. After school i saw Shyriu talking to leen. I ran over to them. "Hey.." Leen looked at me and smiled. "Hey..Your dad is fine with you staying at Shyriu's place.." Oh thank god. "But you should have told him before you left" Fuck her. "Listen here leen. I needed something fun. Not some bitch to tell me what to do. If i wanted some bitch to tell me what to do i'd look for my mom" I ran home. I opened a wine bottle and took it into my room. i drank the whole thing. I just sat on the floor drinking. I walked downstairs to throw the bottle out. I saw a picture of Luci, Vincent and me..I use to be such a good kid.

"Hey! Shyriu! Look at me!" I said as i kicked a ball into a rabbit hole. He laughed. When i was 10..It was so much fun. Everyone didn't care what we did. It was cute..When did i stop being cute? I don't remember. I threw the bottle away and looked in the woods. I wonder where Vincent was...I grabbed that picture. I took it to my room. I grabbed my lighter and some weed Shyriu gave me. I rolled the picture up and put weed in it. I lit it up. Smoking made me forget everything. I passed out on the floor. I woke up later that night. I looked at my phone 20 texts from Shyriu. I looked around. Life was the same. I heard a knock on my window. It was Shyriu. I got up and opened it. He jumped inside. "I texted you like...a thousand times!!" He yelled. I started to cry. "I'm sorry.. I'm ruining my life" I looked at the half burnt picture on the floor. He hugged me. "It's okay..Shh" I just cried.

The next two weeks were the same. Smoking drinking sleeping. Finals were next week. Then summer break and Shiyriu and leen's birthday. I asked Leen for forgivness. I knew i was mean. One day me and Shyriu were smoking in his room one day after school. "Hey.. Twlight?" He looked at me. "I think we need a break" I looked at him. "Till after finals..Then i'll buy you a ring to marry you" Why would he want a break? Maybe he didn't want me to bug him. I stood up. "Okay..A break for a week?" He nodded. "Before you go.." He looked in a box under his bed. He took out a necklace. It was in a heart shape. "Here.." He put it on me. "Open it.." I unlocked it and opened it. It had a picture of me and him in it. I looked up at him. "Thank you" I whispered. Finals came and went. I passed I got tickets for me, Leen, and Shyriu to see the robot our town was buliding. I heard it was big. Me and Elia covered their eyes as we walked there. Elia could just get in for free. We got past the guy at the gate. We walked down a long hall way. Then heard people running after us. "Hey Kid! you can't be in here" Elia looked at me. "What are we going to do?" Leen looked scared and held onto Shyriu. "You two run..Go find the robot" I told Shyriu and leen. The both nodded and ran off. Me and Elia stood blocking the way. Elia was a healer. She was once since she was little. And me? Only knew how to fight with knifes. "Go with them" Elia said "I'll told them off" I nodded and ran to go find them. I heard leen yelling at Shyriu to get down from the robot. My foot slipped i fell. I held onto the platform I heard people run in and get ready to shoot them. I looked up as i pulled myself up a little. Shyriu held Leen in his arms. The people shot them. I got myself up and ran over to them. I grabbed shyriu in my arms. Blood was everywhere. He coughed. "Twlight.." I brushed his hair away from his face. "Save your tears" I knew it. I was crying. "I'll come back" He said before he finally died in my arms. I looked over at leen. She was already gone. "You there!" yelled one of the guys who shot them. I kicked the guy off the platform and grabbed his gun. I amied it at the others "You bastards" I heard a clap come from the guys. Elia walked out. "Nice work men" She laughed. "Did..You do this?" I asked. She looked at leen and Shyriu. "If i can't have him..Then no one can" I shot her point blank. "Go to hell" One of the men ran off with her in their arms. I shot most of them I ran off after some were gone. I ran  as far as i could. They caught me. Took me to jail. And as i sit here. Thinking of life. I can't help but think..It's my fault. I closed my eyes. I looked out the tiny cell window. The stars. They remind me of him. A tear fell down my face.  i closed my eyes A knock came from the window. They broke it. It was a girl. "I can get you out of here" She held her hand out. I grabbed it. "I knew who Leen was. Big fan. I found Elia's old boyfriend." Boyfriend? She had one? She dragged me off to a grave yard. A guy was sitting by a grave on a hill. "How long was i there?" I asked the girl. "Two years"  I shook my head and took the gun from her hand. "Who is that guy?" I pointed to the guy at the grave. "Her boyfriend..Fenrir" I shot him. "Go before i shoot you" The girl backed away then ran off. I walked home. I opened the door. It was unlocked. Weird. He doesn't normally keep it unlocked. I walked into the kitchen. Vincent was sitting on a chair drinking his pain away again. "Twlight?" He said. He looked shocked. "Yeah..Got stuck in jail" He shrugged. "You have mail.." He pointed to a letter on a small desk. I walked over to it. I opened it. A letter..From Shyriu... "I'll love you forever, Twlight.. Even in death i will. I know i'll die first but..Hey whatvever" I started to cry. "I didn't read that..But it must have touched you.." vincent said. I ran upstairs and packed my bags. I grabbed a box from under my bed. Blue and pink hair dye. I dyed it. It looked like cotton candy. I ran back down the stairs. "Daddy..I gotta go" "Wait.." He said as he got up. "You look like you haven't aged..at all" He sighed. "There is something i gotta tell you before you go..When luci and i were together..She gave you something..That won't let you age unless you find your soul mate..You aged... because of shyriu..He was your soul mate.." A tear fell down my face. "Now go..My daughter.." I nodded and ran off into the woods. Forgetting my life forever