#THIS IS WHY ILL NEVER EVER HAVE A SK

[junestay]

LIVE SINGING I should wake up at 1am more often

[autisticlee]

having some sort of chronic pain and tiredness issue and joint problems and whatnot but not knowing exactly what the problem is is really good at leading you feeling like you're faking it or making a big deal out of nothing or making it up. especially if there's a good day where it's not as bad and you can walk straight without limping for the first time in a year. but then you can wake up the next day and can barely walk and wonder why you can't just walk normal. it's hard to not guilt trip yourself into dealing with pain by trying to ignore it and force yourself to walk "normal" all the time

[jinlix]

:(

[romeave]

regarding submissive uwu breedable zane ro’meave

although zanvis typically accredited with it’s creation, submissive uwu breedible zane ro’meave (which will henceforth be referred to as SUBZ for my own sake) was a plague that affected all zane x dude ships in the aphmau fandom. fics that include SUBZ usually depict zane as a vulnerable, too pure for this world little bean that the other party (typically travis or gene) is free to either fix or fuck with. these fics were often written by a younger demographic and tended to feature a number of problematic tropes, triggering topics, and demonization/infantilization of mental illness. also SUBZ kept turning into a neko. just constantly. all the time. catboy hours out the wazoo.

but, those are all issues that apply to any mlm ship in any fandom. i’m here to talk about my issues with SUBZ, not a systematic issue that an essay on BakuDeku or SaiOma or Gacha kids or general fandom could explain much better than I ever could. my account is called zane-romeave, don’t expect too much more than zane content.

there isn’t anything too wrong with zane being uwu. zane has been uwu as early as his first appearance. i’m not going to deny my lil guy to sip his lil tea and get his lil beauty rest and tell aph that no one will trust his word over hers because he is just a lil guy who has done nothing wrong, uwu.

but zane ro’meave is not a submissive lil bottom why tf is that the popular interpretation of his character.

i don’t really know what more to say about that he straight up just, is not. zane doesn’t just roll over like an obedient dogboy at every minor inconvenience. i have no idea who this fictional man is that you are all talking about but he is not my asshole catboy zane ro’meave. he’s power hungry and thrives when in control. if given the opportunity he will gladly turn whoever into his lil puppet. he will achievworld domination if it costs him his left eye.

and this isn’t even just my silly little headcanon it’s the most consistent part of his characterization. mcd zane....exists. mermaid tails zane works for tavari to complete his end goal of being a larger crab. mystreet zane rarely helps people if there's nothing to gain, often adding humiliating favors to his negotiations (ex. refusing to help kc with anything ever again unless she follows all his advice exactly). even lil baby sophomore zane in pdh s2 chose to commit a crime and pin it on the sks so he can save the day in the end so they are both indebted to him and think he is badass. this was a response to making him cry. zane ro’meave could kill god.

SUBZ, by nature of being submissive, could never do any of that! He’s written to be pathetic and vulnerable, an overly passive permanent pity partier so the other party can swoop in and save the day. SUBZ is often the target of a sad and tragic backstory but is rarely, if ever allowed to stand up against whatever it is that’s harming him currently. you see, if the other party magically solves all the issues with their big muscles, SUBZ will instantly fall in love and get mpreged and they will live happily ever after as a nuclear family. if that doesn’t happen, SUBZ will just die a tragic death. How is SUBZ supposed to kill god if he’s physically unable to hurt a fly?

i do understand that i have made out zane canon to be a bit of a heartless monster who shouldn’t be in any kind of relationship. however, the power thing is also what makes zane great for both platonic and romantic ships. once zane warms up to a person, he develops a protective devotion unmatched by the divines themselves. a passionate young man, zane will do whatever it takes to keep the object of his affection safe and happy, prioritizing them over others and himself — not in a SUBZ way he’s just got low self importance — because they deserve it. although he isn’t outwardly affectionate, it is with genuine love and care that he tries to be the zane the other party wants him to be.

SUBZ can not love. Not with the instensity and passion that Zane can love.

SUBZ would never think to threaten aaron because SUBZ wants aph to have the guy of her dreams. SUBZ would not break all of his codes and help someone just because aph wants that of him. SUBZ wouldn’t try and change himself for the better at aph’s bequest. SUBZ wouldn’t have to psych himself up to ask to take this relationship slower because he knows it would upset his partner. If faced with a traumatic life or death situation in which he’s kidnapped, gets turned into a mindslave , discovers ghosts exist and want to hit that, and garrothed, SUBZ would not bottle all that up and beat himself up over being unable to protect his best friend from a similar fate.

not saying that’s healthy or anything (it is not, btw) just saying that SUBZ is a piece of printer paper so devoid of zane he’s practically a different character. by ignoring zane’s weird power thing, you’re ignoring 80% of your zane. you’re left with nothing but ponies, cupcakes, and a list of traits without any meaning or motive behind them. that’s not a character, that’s the opening to g4 MLP.

TL;DR: Zane Ro’Meave is a chad alpha male who makes anyone else look submissive and breedable by comparison

[smolweeblets]

Rainy days

Luisa Madrigal x GN reader

A/n: here is fic i promised i actually didnt abandon it omg 😍😍. Okay but seriously im proud off this fic it turned out way better than expected, endings a lil eh but better than nothing hahshsah anyways ill shut up so you can enjoy.

-You first met Luisa when she was getting her door, she was about to get herself a snack when she saw you stuffing yourself with all kinds of food.

-She approached you carefully and tried to start a conversation, something about you made you approachable to her.

”Hey there-”

”Huh-?... O-oh hiya” you greeted sheepishly while wiping sk e crumbs off your face.

“Are you enjoying the party?”

“Yea, I am! You're Luisa right? The one who just got your power?”

“Yep, that's me” She beamed.

“Wow, I'd love to have your powers, I'd beat up all of the bad guys” you said enthusiastically.

“Woah, that's a cool idea, but i have the powers… so maybe you'll be my sidekick and we'll defeat all the bad guys together.”

You let out a gasp and nodded you head excitedly. “That would be so amazing, wanna do that now?” You had stars in your eyes from how excited you were, and you looked at Luisa expectantly.

“Hell yea! follow me we can go play in my room”

-After running over and practically begging your parents for permission, you went on your way and played the night away. This was the start of your blooming friendship.

-You both more or less grew up and did everything together. You frequently helping her with tasks, and her keeping you safe from whatever situation you found yourself in again.

-Luisa was the first one to catch feelings, she noticed them when you were around 13 and she was 12.

-It was a day where you wouldnt really expect rain, where the sun was out and shining one second and the next there's rain that seems to have materialized out of nowhere. So, early on that day Luisa was tasked with doing her jobs, as she usually is.

-The weather was nice and sunny when she went out, a perfect day to work. After a few hours it began to darken, Luisa just brushed it off, not keeping track of time and continued on with her work.

-A light drizzle started and she wasn't very near much shelter, a moment of scanning her environment and she bolts off to the nearest tree.

-It wasn't until she got to the tree that she saw you, also seeking shelter from the sudden drizzle.

-You were previously attempting to climb the tree, and you would have been successful if it weren't for the rain.

“Y/n?”

“Oh! Luisa hi!”

“What are you doing here?”

-You were slightly embarrassed to answer but Luisa was your best friend so you quickly brushed the thought off.

“Eheh, i was trying to climb this tree”

“Huh? Why? I never thought you liked doing stuff like these”

“Well… some boys were being mean and said I couldn't even climb a tree so i went to prove them wrong”

“That wasn't very nice of them, who were they? I'll be sure to teach them a lesson when I see them next time” Luisa was frowning and not happy at all that people were making fun of you.

“Eh it doesn't matter, i dont remember anyways, all that matters is that theyre wrong.” You let out a little “hmph” at the end.

“I would've been successful if it weren't for this rain too”

“Hehe you're right, but man i sure hope this rain doesn't last long, i have stuff to do”

-You look at Luisa, surprised shes still thinking about working in a condition like this. Rain pouring and the skies gray. You decide to ask her why she does all this for no kind of reward in return.

“Hey Luisa, why do you have to work so much-?”

-A moment of silence, or rather a moment of hearing nothing but the rain pattering on the ground.

“Well, I guess I do it for my family and for the town…”

“Don't you ever get tired of helping everyone?” You glance at her, a serious look on your face. “Like, most times i see you now you're doing some form of work, before it was just small tasks but now doesent it get tiring?”

“I-” “well, i suppose i does but if i dont then people will get mad at me”

“Oh man well, try to get them to understand because you get tired too and they need to understand that”

“It- AHH” A large boom of thunder interrupted her answer making her jump and cling on to you.

“Oh my god- Luisa are you okay?” You ask with worry in your voice. The poor girl tries to calm down for a moment, her heart still beating quickly but your voice soothens her temporarily.

-A few seconds of her just clinging to you and trying to gather herself.

“I-im good now, i think” She breathes out as she slowly loosens her grip.

“You scared me there,” You chuckle. “I never would've thought the big and strong Luisa would be scared of some thunder, especially considering your aunts gift”

-She blushes at your teasing, eyes furrowing but her mouth in a crooked smile.

“To be honest ive never really experienced her thunder up close, and when she does its no where as loud as this”

“Huh, I didn't know that '' You shrugged. “Also im not done with the our conversation earlier, you really should take a break someday”

-She sighs defeatedly and her shoulders drop slightly.

“Alright alright, ill ask abuela if i can take a break tomorrow”

-Your mouth curls into a smile, your cheeks lifting up and your eyes twinkle. “hehe good, lets use all that time to have fun” “i say lets go search for bugs, what do you think?”

-No response, but Luisa stares at you for a moment.

-Maybe it was the rain, maybe it was because sitting under a tree huddled together is romantic, or maybe for no reason at all, Luisa stops to think for a moment. To think about you, how much you care for her and all the little things that show it. Frequntly asking her to take breaks, always worrying and always looking out for her even though she was at least ten times stronger than you. It made her heart swell.

-She didn't know why, but she felt like if she was with you she could do anything. She felt like she was even more powerful when you werer by her side.

-Luisa notices only now the extent of your beauty, how your face effortlessly looks so bright and happy, your smile that never fails to make her feel better, the stunning way you wear your hair, the little actions you do when you're feeling a certain emotion. Her gaze on you right now was one of pure love, shes never experienced this feeling before and yet it feels so right, its like from the moment she was born, she was supposed to be doing this, right now with you.

-It hit her like a truck. She was in love, and madly at that. Oh lord she thought.

I'm not ready for this. I dont know how to confess- what is I mess up? what if they only see me as a friend??? what if-

“Hey Luisa, you good? I think you've been zoned out for like 3 minutes now” You checked in as you snapped your fingers at her face.

“O-oh, yeah i'm good i've just been… thinking.”

“Yea, you've been staring at me the entire time” “you got a crush on me or something?”

“Heh as if, only crush i know is me crushing you at racing”

“I'd totally win if you didn't have your gift” Your eyes rolled playfully and you had a grin on your face.

“Know what, i'll race you tomorrow if you've asked your abuela for a break and when the ground is dry”

“Oh you're on, prepare to be beat by the amazing Luisa Madrigal!” Luisa didnt care if you didn't reciprocate her feelings, for now she only cares about being your best friend, and that's more than enough for her. One day she might think of confessing but currently, the only thing she's worrying about is whether or not she'll go easy on you in your race.

A/n .2: if u enjoyed that my reqs are still open give some please 😭🤞

[sashi-ya]

{+18} – Cherry Blossom & Tangerines – Trafalgar Law x Y/n – Part 5

Modern AU. Trip to Jeju Island, SK. No spoilers.

Female reader. No physical descriptions. Everybody is +18, canon ages. Chopper is human.

Tw: NSFW, blindfolding, soft sub/dom, unprotected sex (this is just fiction, pls wear protection). Fluff. A little bit of ZoSan

A/N: I haven’t had the chance to visit South Korea due to Covid, so everything included is pure research. Excuse me in advance if there is something that’s not 100% accurate! Keep in mind is purely inspired ♥

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31059467

Word Count: 4.5 K

» List of parts: {P1} {P2} {P3} {P4} {P5} {P6}«

Chapter 5

“Y/n it's our turn, let’s sing!!” Vivi told me, while pulling me from my arm. “Vivi, wait”, I said. I kept watching how Law was still hugging the girl. “What is it?... Oi!”, Nami said, also witnessing the scene.

“Don’t go, just… wait”, I begged my redhead friend who was ready to kill him. I saw how the mysterious woman and Law laughed together. Zoro didn’t even care, he was more drunk than anything else.

The girl was ruffling his hair, pinching his cheeks. Law didn’t even look at me. I didn’t know if he was just simply so amused about the girl that he simply forgot about me, or, he was doing this on purpose, knowing that I’ll be watching, maybe to let me know he wasn’t going to commit to me in any way.

“That’s it. I’m leaving”, I stated. Vivi, Robin and Nami insisted on me shouting at Torao, but I couldn’t. I was so hurt, and, besides that, I wasn’t even his girlfriend, so I had no right to reproach anything to him.

The girls came with me, and we drove home. The boys didn’t realize we had left until long after we weren’t at the karaoke bar, when Sanji texted Nami asking what the hell had just happened. “Sanji, you should ask your stupid ass friend Torao, what the hell is he doing with a bitch?, plus, go get your boyfriend too, she is right next to him”, Nami said via audio.

Sanji sent an audio back, “Nami-swan! Zoro is not my boyfriend… wait, you were talking about him, right?, whatever, Torao is still with her, I’m gonna see who the hell is she and kick the hell out of stupid Law for hurting Y/n-chwan”.

I drove as fast as I could, at that point I only wanted to bury myself in bed and cry my eyes out. I was silent all the way. My friends knew there was no point in saying anything else, so they just strung along with me.

We got home, and Robin offered me some tea, yet, I politely turned the offering down and headed almost running to my bed. I covered myself up to my face, and pitiful tears sprouted from my eyes.

I heard my cell phone ring several times, I knew it was probably my friends asking if I was all right. But I didn’t have the strength to even see the screen.

“Why did you choose to hurt me like this, Law?” ... I whispered to myself, unable to understand why I was in that position, why after all the romantic stuff he has done for me he didn’t even care I was there…

I reached my phone and simply turned it off, I was fed up with it ringing. Some minutes, perhaps half an hour passed until I fell asleep, crying.

Suddenly, Nami’s loud screams woke me up. “TORAO, WHAT THE FUCK? WHY ARE YOU BRINGING THIS SLUT HOME?”.

I didn’t hear Law’s voice, but I did hear someone climbing the stairs, quickly, almost running.

The door opened suddenly with a loud sound, like someone kicking on it. I was still in bed, and the bang of the door made me take an upright position instantly.

There he was, the villain of my story with tears on his eyes, hopeless, shaking. “Y/n-ya!!! it’s not what you think, let me explain…” “STOP, what type of lie are you going to spit out from your stupid mouth?, plus, what the hell? I heard Nami saying you brought that girl home. Have you been drinking? Are you drunk? what the fuck?” I shouted at him, also crying.

Suddenly, before Law could say anything else, I saw a brunette, tanned, tall girl, with big eyes that resemble Law’s ones. She looked at me, smiling and peacefully said, “Hello Y/n, my name is Lami. Trafalgar, Lami”.

I opened my eyes, and mouth… “Trafalgar?”.

“That’s right! I’m Law 's sister! Nice to meet you! I’m sorry if you got things wrong!” she said to my stunned me. “Oi, brother, she is so pretty!! Even more than in the pictures!”.

“Oh God…”. I was somehow relieved that Law wasn’t flirting with a girl, yet mortified because not only me, but all my friends had called Law’s sister a slut… a bitch.

“I am… I am really sorry… And, uhm, N-nice to meet you…”, I said, wiping the tears on my eyes. “It’s ok, darling! I’m leaving you alone so you can talk in peace, I’ll be downstairs!”. “O-ok”, I said sniffing.

Law slowly approached to the left side of my bed and sat there, next to me, in silence. I wasn’t capable of saying anything to him, either. I had put up a show, he probably thought I was a toxic girl, jealous or even worse things. I had mistrusted him. It was probably the end of something that hadn’t even started.

Suddenly, Law hurled himself on me, hugged me and nuzzled on my lap. “I thought you wouldn’t believe me, I’m sorry, I really do. Lami lives in Jeju and I wanted her to meet you because she is not traveling to Seoul any sooner, we just decided that we will be meeting at the bar so… so you could get to know her”. He said, still with his head buried onto my legs.

“Law…”, I began to cry again. I petted his hair and told him “I am the one who should be sorry. I- I thought you were a bad guy, a typical man that doesn’t care about the girls. I am sorry…”. I felt horrible.

I could hear downstairs my friends laughing, Sanji and Zoro fighting, Luffy shouting. Luckily everybody would make Lami feel comfortable, after all. Law was still sobbing over my lap.

After several minutes I decided to speak up. “Law, stop, you are not the one who should be crying asking me for forgiveness. You did nothing wrong. I was completely mistaken. I hope you will be able to forgive me someday”, I said, gaining composure in order to make things clear.

He sat back, looked at me with teary eyes and asked, “someday? There is nothing to forgive. I want to be with you, I … L…”

“Oi, you two, stop crying, Lami is leaving”, said Nami leaning on the door frame, smiling at us. As she left, and Law wiped the tears off my cheeks, we stood up from bed. I was still dressed so we headed downstairs right away.

“Sis, let’s go, I don’t quite remember how to get your home from here, so you tell me”, said Law. Lami looked at him with loving eyes, and said, “My big brother is always taking care of me, I missed you doc”. Law’s cheeks became red, and he hid under the white with black spots cap he was wearing.

Lami said goodbye to everybody, except me, “she probably hates me”, I thought.

I was going to wish her a good night, when Lami held my hand and pulled from me. “Let’s go sister-in-law, come with us!”. I followed them into the car unsure if Law wanted me there, because he was still embarrassed as hell.

I let Law’s sister sit on the passenger seat, and I sat on the back seat behind Lami. A few seconds after Law started the car Lami said, “Oi, Y/n! did you know that Law has never ever introduced a girlfriend to the family before?”. I choked a little when I heard her say “girlfriend”, and simply chuckled. Law told her to stop, but Lami continued telling me how “emo” he was when he was an adolescent, making fun of his sibling.

We finally arrived at Lami's house. It was a traditional Jeju stone house, with big windows and a typical korean roof construction. On the entrance was a tall guy wearing a cap with “PENGUIN” written on it, waving at us. Law parked the car next to a black Hyundai Ioniq.

“Oi!! brother-in-law!!! How are you? It’s been a year my dear friend!” the guy at the door told Law. We descended the car, and the guy hugged Law in a way “man” do. Lami introduced me to the man, he was his boyfriend, and they had been living together for a few years, and apparently before dating Lami, Penguin knew Law since they were little.

We went inside, and had coffee while chatting about everything. I didn’t feel uncomfortable at any moment, Lami and Penguin were really warm people.

Law’s sister and I headed to the kitchen. It was a perfect opportunity to ask her about their parents so I thought of the best way to bring up the subject. I didn’t need to, because it was the first thing that Lami mentioned.

“Y/n, I’m sure my cold brother didn’t tell you anything about our parents… right?”, she said. I was helping her putting some mochi onto a plate, so I looked at her and said “Not really… At first I thought Rosinante was his father, but then I realized that his surname was Trafalgar, not Donquixote”.

“That’s right, Rosinante is something like Law’s dad. When my brother was 10 years old, my parents passed away in a car accident. They were both doctors, the best ones of this city. Law looks exactly like my dad when he was younger…”, she stopped for a little, and continued, “We stayed with our grandparents at the moment. After two years, Law became really ill and had to be taken to Seoul for some doctors to cure him. Luckily, Rosinante was a volunteer at the children’s hospital where Law was being treated. After six months of intense treatment, he recovered and forged a friendship with “Corasan” who took care of him… Oh sorry, I meant, Rosinante. Corasan it’s just a nickname Law gave him during… the chemotherapy...”, she concluded.

“Oh… poor baby…I’m sorry for your loss too, Lami” I said, feeling a lump in my throat. “Don’t worry, we are all right now, time has passed”, she said, grabbing my hand softly and smiling. She continued, “but let me tell you something, I’ve never seen Law with that type of twinkle in his eyes in the 24 years I’ve known him. He loves you; I can sense that. Plus, when you left the bar earlier, he became so desperate, he was truly worried about losing you”.

I blushed instantly, yet, I was so happy of hearing how he probably loves me that I giggled. And Lami, too.

From the living room we heard Law calling me, “Bab… Y/n-ya, let’s go home it is pretty late”. “Ah… my sweet loving brother and his ways…”, Lami said with a sarcastic tone, rolling back eyes. We both laughed and headed where the boys were.

“Oi Penguin, do you have a bottle of cold water? I tend to get thirsty when I drive”, Law asked Penguin and looked at me with some sort of look I can only label as… horny?. “Right, bro, let me get you one”, said the cool cap guy and headed to the kitchen. “He gets thirsty?” I said to myself a little confused, but dismissed the thought as my attention went to Lami who was showing me a photo of his brother when he was a little baby.

The happy couple invited us to the lantern festival that was taking place the next night at the historical center of the city. They told us to bring all of our friends too. We were excited about it, so we accepted the invitation and left the house.

During the ride along a road by the sea, Law asked me, “Babe, can you please turn the GPS on?, I don’t really know where I am going…”. I searched for my phone in my pockets, but realized I’ve left it at home. “I didn’t bring my phone… give me yours”, I told him. He grabbed his from the black jeans pocket and gave it to me. “Law, your phone is dead…”, I said, trying to turn it on.

“Yeah, my battery died after calling you twenty times when you left the bar…”, he said, kinda joking. “Oh…”, I gasped, and continued, “Well, let me enter the address on the car sat nav”.

I approached my hand to the little screen when Law stopped my hand and smirked. “It would be a shame if the computer wouldn’t work and we ended up lost…”.

“You clearly had this planned, right?” I said arching a brow. “Me, planning things? that’s not something I usually do…”, he said in a sarcastic way, but with a sexy tone that made me somehow fidget on my seat.

I came closer to his face and almost talking next to his ear I said, “Let’s get lost”. Law licked his lips, placed his right hand over my lap and said “Heh, sure… I can’t resist myself anymore”.

He suddenly turned the wheel and took a little road that took us to the beach. Finally, my lover parked the car, luckily it was a deserted zone, a cliff area, and there weren’t any houses or places nearer.

The beach ahead of us was lightened by an intense moonshine, the sea was choppy so the waves hit hard on the cliffs.

Law threw his seat back and patted his lap, “Strip for me, and come here, baby”. “Ah, so we are fucking on the car, nice…” I thought and began to take my clothes off.

“Don’t take that off, yet. You know that little bandanna you have on your head could help us…”, he said to me after I jumped over his lap. I felt a rock hard bulge under my core, he was already so ablaze for me.

He then untied the cloth that was holding my hair, smirked at me, and said “may I?” while covering my eyes with it.

“Lay you back on the steering wheel, baby girl”, he ordered me. I remember instantly how he likes to dominate me, so I followed his order to a “Yes, sir”.

His fingers ran from my mouth to my neck. He kept lowering them softly caressing my flesh. I could barely feel the touch of his fingers over my skin. He wasn’t talking, and I was unaware of what was coming next, I was blindfolded, but surrendered completely to this man.

All of a sudden I felt a cold sensation over one of my nipples, “Uhg…” I moaned, throwing my head back. Then the chilly stinging feeling moved to my other nipple. God, what is that?... and suddenly remember Law asking Penguin the cold water bottle. “Damn you, Law”, I said to myself but only being able to verbalize moans and grunts.

He began to trail an icy path from my breasts to my lower stomach. My heated skin mixed with the cold water that began to melt over my flesh, felt like a sweet torture.

“Your hot body is making the icy water melt and wet my jeans… or is it perhaps your own arousal for your Master, baby girl?”, he said to me, while running a thumb over my clit.

He then penetrated me with two fingers as he only knew how to, took them off and asked me to open my mouth. “Taste yourself, baby girl”, he commanded me, and I opened my mouth and sucked.

I heard - and felt- how he unzipped his jeans, and slowly took his member out. I could feel how he began to softly hit his manhood over my sex. He was playing with it, but my body couldn’t wait for it to be inside of me.

“Is it getting hot in here, huh?” he said and unbuttoned his black shirt. I knew it because he then grabbed my hands making me caress his skin. My hands wandered along his chest, but my mind was only focusing on how much I wanted to be penetrated by this man.

I was drowning in lust, I needed him to do something, but he didn’t. “Law… Sir… What are you doing?... fuck me, I want you to fuck me…”. He laughed, and violently but gently enough he pinched and twisted one of my erect nipples. A strike of intense pleasure hit my center, and it was so unexpected that I only purred at it.

He then ran his inked fingers through my hair and pulled me closer to his face, this time he wasn’t being gentle, he was being rough… and I loved it. “What do you think you are doing? I am the one who gives you orders in here, are we clear?” he said, whispering with a grunt in my ear.

“Y-yes sir, I- am sorry…”, I said, stuttering. “Good”, he said and kissed me. We made out, hard, feverishly. I could feel over my entrance how his sex became even harder.

He suddenly put his hands on each side of my waist and lifted me up a little bit, so I could place my knees on each side of the seat. He used his right hand to guide his pennis inside of me. It was just the tip of it, he was enjoying how I was probably miming the words “fuck me” repeatedly. After a few seconds of torture, he grabbing me again from my waist, pushed me down against his lap. “Ugh..” I said, opening my mouth, throwing my back to the steering wheel, so hard that I made the car horn sound.

I wanted to be penetrated, and he did it so roughly, yet so pleasantly.

I began to ride him, back, forward, up, down, tracing circles with my pelvis. My left knee hit the emergency brake handle, it hurt but I didn’t care. I placed my hands over his strong abs, letting all of my senses focus on the pleasure, imagining the expression he had on his face when I heard him groan.

Law pulled my hair and threw my neck back, again making me hit my back on the wheel, and used his hips to bang me, hard, burying himself into me. Every thrust made my body react with little spams; I was being sent to heaven.

Law untied the bandanna that was covering my eyes, and said in between the thrusts and an agitated voice, “I want to see your precious face when I make you cum”. My eyes slowly returned to its functions, admiring the sweaty thorax of Law, the way his stomach would go up and down picturing his rapid breathing. His face showed a red glowing, he was more than aroused. I was too, and as I reached for climax, placing my right hand over the steamy glass of the car window, Law did too with a hard “Huh”.

He bathed my insides once again. I remained still enjoying the warming sensation inside of me, trying to erase any worry at the time.

Law placed a hand on my back and pulled me closer to his chest, while lying his neck over the headrest of the yellow Sonata.

I rested my whole tired body over his, enjoying the touch of our warm skins, the scent of his body, with my lips wandering along his neck, leaving soft kisses over its skin.

“We should go back home; they might get a little bit concerned…” I told Law, still over him. “Yeah, you are right, let’s go back…”.

It was 4 am so once we got home and opened the door, we entered stealthily. I walked behind Law when he suddenly stopped, and I fell over him. “What is it, Law?!” I whispered, “I don’t know, this is kind of a slumber party…”, he whispered back at me.

Suddenly all the lights turned on. Everybody was sleeping on bare mattresses on the floor of the living room.

Little by little our friends but Zoro and Sanji woke up.

“Oh my god, finally…” said Nami and everyone began to laugh. They weren’t laughing at us, but at Sanji and Zoro who were sleeping cuddled.

Law looked at them and looked at everybody else and said, “Excuse me, is this something new to you? Oi Mugiwara-ya, tell them every time you three get to sleep at home they do the same”. Luffy nodded, still laughing.

No matter how much noise they made, nor Zoro or Sanji woke up, they seemed to be happily enjoying sleeping like this, so we didn’t want to bother them anymore.

“Let’s go back to sleep, guys. Y/n and Law you can sleep upstairs, we left Law’s bed intact”, said Franky winking at us. “Thank you!!” I said, and we went upstairs jumping through the multiple legs of our friends.

We climbed up the stairs, and went into the boy’s room. I was undressing when suddenly Law offered me a big loose t-shirt. “Don’t get me wrong I love your naked body, but what if the boys enter the room and see you naked?”, he said. “Oh, Law, are you jealous? hahaha”, I mocked him. “Well, let's not discuss jealousy…”, he said frowning.

I grabbed his white loose t-shirt with some kind of black power ranger called “Stealth Black” printed on it and put it on, giggling. I could have sworn he was a geeky nerd, and that was the proof.

Law and I jumped into his bed and muffled up with the bedding. He hugged me, kissing my head. “Thank you for making this the best holiday of my whole life…”, he said. “Thank you for paying the bus ticket that time…”, I whispered with my face pressed up against his chest. We both laughed and soon after fell asleep.

I woke up with the sounds of some birds chirping on the window. Law was still asleep beside me, with his ruffled hair, his cheek pressed against the pillow with his mouth open, snoring softly. I couldn’t help but drool over that image, so handsome even like that, the intimacy, the person I wanted to wake up to each morning.

I placed my head over the tattoos of his chest, following with my index finger the lines of ink on his skin. I remained there for a few minutes hearing his heartbeat, drunk of his skin scent.

Softly he began caressing my cheek, still without opening his eyes. He was probably half asleep yet.

I felt a million butterflies trapped on my stomach, I was so in love, I had fallen for this guy, hard. I felt a little guilty, I mean, how was I supposed to fall in love so quickly with a man?... I guess it was just love at first sight…

Law’s hand stopped moving, and suddenly I heard him mumble something like, “Mmmm- hum - I-I- love you Y/n-ya”. I widened my eyes, “did he just say he loves me? “I was completely surprised and even unsure if that was what he said or if it was just my imagination.

Some minutes later, he opened his eyes, slowly. “Good morning, baby girl”, he said, kissing my forehead. I was immobile, watching his face still trying to process what he had just said. “What is it?, are you sleeping with your eyes open? you are gorgeous but that would be a little creepy”, he said, surprised.

“N-No, uhm, I am awake, yes. Good morning”, I uttered. “Are you ok, Y/n-ya?”, he asked with a confused expression. “Yeah, uhm… Law… Do you sleep talk?”, I inquired him. “Oh… did I? I’m sorry... I do, yes. Sometimes. What did I say?”, he said this time with a worried expression. “Oh, no, nothing, I thought I heard something but I don’t know. It’s nothing”, I said, trying to settle the matter.

We remained cuddling up a little bit more, until we heard movements downstairs. They were probably waking up, so I decided to go to my room and get ready for the day.

“New pajamas”, I thought while taking off Law’s shirt. I folded and put it on my suitcase, I wasn’t willing to give it back to him.

I went ahead and showered. I let the warm water bathe my skin while thinking about Law saying “I love you” while he was asleep. Was he really? Did he really feel that or was it just a dream?... I guess I should wait…

After the bath, which clearly made me more anxious than relaxed, I went downstairs to the kitchen where Sanji was already preparing breakfast. I decided to help him with setting the table while chatting about the lantern festival of that night. Nami, Vivi and Robin joined us and were pleased that Lami and Penguin invited us to such a pretty event.

Our last day in Jeju passed with us visiting the Samseonghyeol Shrine, which is the oldest historic site in Korea. That place is considered as the birthplace of three demigods of the island, founders of the Tanma Kingdom that governed Jeju Island before the Joseon dynasty took over.

At noon we came back from the city and began to get ready for the festival that night. I received a message from Lami, “@TraffLami.06 > hello Sis! How is the day going? Is my brother treating you right?. Listen, we usually wear “hanbok” to the festival. If you want to too, you can rent them from a friend's shop. I send the location. See you tonight! ♥”. I got super excited for it, I loved cultural clothing and I wanted to see Law wearing those clothes too. I told my friends and we all agreed on renting one. Law, being the warm boy he was, wasn't so sure about it, but with a little kiss and a little begging I could convince him.

The night came and we all drove to the historical centre of Jeju. The place was all garnished with paper lanterns, string lights hanging from some bridges, lit inflatable displays, food courts, typical music being played that mixed with the buzz of hundreds of attendants that were enjoying the night.

I was wearing a hanbok in yellow and orange tones, while Law used a green and black one. He looked like a typical groom; I couldn’t help but fantasize a little about us getting married someday.

Luffy of course ran to the food stalls followed by everybody else, Zoro went ahead and attacked the stall where they were offering some kind of soju and Law and I waited for his sister and Penguin to arrive at where we were.

Law was more silent than usual and his face showed concerned. I thought at first about him missing his parents or family, maybe the festival triggered some memories, so I held his hand without saying anything. He squeezed my hand, and began to sweat.

“Are you ok, doc?”, I asked. He looked at me, I could sense he got really nervous and finally mumbled, “Y/n-ya we need to talk…” …

Part 6, FINAL

[thenightlymartini]

Special Headcannon Week! (#66) APHRarePairWeek2021

@aphrarepairweek2021

Day 2: Royalty

Headcannon #66

Kimchiburger: I almost wanna go Cardverse AU! with this. Like America is the King of Spades, and technically England is the Queen of Spades, but like they are similar to co-rulers rather than married? So, that leaves America as like, the most popular bachelor in the Spades Kingdom. And SK is just some musician that America finds while touring one of the towns near the border of Hearts and is just absolutely smitten with him. Like, he makes SK the court musician because he fell in love with the other’s soothing voice and wanted him around more. He basically fell in love on first meeting while SK is just flabbergasted that the King of Spades likes his singing so much that he got a job in the palace and is completely oblivious to America’s attempts at courting or hidden agenda when he specially requests love songs.

Everyone else in the court is both amused and aghast that the King took interest in some commoner just because he has a good voice. England is just more annoyed at America beating around the bush because even he realizes nothing will happen between the two if one of them doesn’t gain another brain cell soon.

RusNK: NK was the prince in a royal family that got overthrown when he was young, like maybe 10 or so, became the only survivor of said family (sorry, SK dead in this AU) and had been in hiding in another country plotting for revenge. Except, when he finally decides to act on it, he finds out that the rebels who overthrew and killed his family got overthrown themselves and a whole new royal family has taken its place, this being where Russia is the crowned prince of said new royal family. So he decides to infiltrate the new royal family and become the crown prince’s bodyguard, ‘cause he is technically the rightful heir and should be ruling, not this family.

Except, as he gets closer to Russia, develops feelings, and really examines the situation, he can’t help but to begin to question everything. Like, should he really fight for his right as heir? If he does, it means giving up on his feelings for Russia and eventually kill or fight him. Plus, he has to think of the people. They’ve been through too many uprisings and have finally found stability with this royal family. Should they go through more violence and instability just because of his ego and his personal belief in what is rightfully his? Not only that, but he would eventually learn that his family wasn’t entirely blameless and the rebels had a point in overthrowing them (there was rampant corruption and general neglect, but did that mean they had to kill even the children who had nothing to do with the politics and were mostly innocent?). It begins to dawn on him that perhaps he is fighting for something so antiquated that it has no purpose in the current situation, or even in the future for that matter.

He could give up on the idea of regaining the throne, but then where would he be? Who would he be? All those years of training, plotting, scheming, for what? Wasted? What would his identity be then? What purpose would he serve?

He could then just serve the new royal family, maybe, if he got lucky, he might even marry Russia, thus technically regaining the throne without displacing the stability. But what if he was found out? Russia wouldn’t take it lightly, since the whole reason the two would get close in the beginning was because Russia trusted him as one of the only people that wanted to be close to him without ulterior motives or planed on using him. He could easily see it as being used. Not only that, but the new royal family doesn’t particularly care for the old royals at all, having sided with the rebels in the beginning due to shared views. He would be a dead man if caught. So does he live even more of a lie? Always on the knife’s edge while aiming for the perfect solution? While aiming for potential happiness for himself and Russia?

Commieburger: This was really based off of Atlantis.

NK is the prince of a long lost civilization, and America is an archaeologist or anthropologist with a dig team and some mercenaries who just so happens to have the book that will lead them to the lost city. But instead of the whole team finding the city, America is the only survivor of a cave in, and the only reason why he is saved by NK is because NK (who had been following the group for a while) saw him as one of the only decent humans out of that group. Like the whole group was willing to use explosives on ancient pillars and trample their way through holy ground, and the only one to care about it was America.

So NK rescues an unconscious America and brings him back to the lost city, where America wakes up and is super confused and stupefied and generally amazed at what he sees. Come to find out, NK’s father, the emperor, is dying of some sort of illness and NK is poised to become the next emperor. The current emperor wants to get rid of America, preferably kill him so that their location and the people remained protected from the outside world, as that world played a part in their downfall and subsequent hiding. However, America proves himself useful by actively trying to help them recover a lot of their old culture and history that they themselves have forgotten about, from delving into dangerous ruins to retrieve old documents or artifacts to even teaching NK how to read his long forgotten written language thanks to his book that he had since the expedition.

Through all of these adventures the two’s relationship grows from strangers to a tentative friendship to even a romance. Like these two realize that their feelings are mutual without ever having to state it, they’ll hold hands or have more skin contact than normal, but will never kiss (get pretty close, but one or the other always holds back) or fully commit to a relationship due to understanding the circumstances and situation they find themselves in. Like, America understands that NK’s people are in a precarious situation where their culture is dying off and having contact with the outside world again could either save them or doom them. He wants them, by way of convincing NK, that the outside world isn’t what it used to be and that they could still be independent. But NK has to worry about his people, he is both fascinated and fearful of the outside world, and knows he has to be very careful with how he could be leading his people. He knows his father would keep them secluded, even at the cost of them dying off, because at least they will retain what little independence and cultural identity they have left. But with him dying, it’s up to NK to decide what to do. He almost wants to just keep America with them and forget about the outside world, but knows that really isn’t the best idea. Like, same sex relations are actually a normal thing in his culture, heck, even some past royals were involved in same sex relations or had same sex partners. It’s the fact that everyone sees America as the outsider to an extent even with his help in re-obtaining their culture and history; it would be too far out there. Not only that, but he understands that it wouldn’t be morally right to force America to stay, and America, in a way, doesn’t really belong in that world. Both of them fully know they don’t want to lose the other, but reality isn’t going to make it that easy for them.

[tarithenurse]

Stolen - 31

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson x fem!gifted!reader Content: It’s like being called to the school headmaster but on an alien/godly scale...maybe he’ll ignore the lack of proof reading :S A/N: *Throws self dramatically on bed* I want my summer vacation now!! But instead: I hope you’ll enjoy! Ask or re-blog for tag.

31. Redeemer

...   Reader   ...

You know the way to the throne room by now – actually, you could probably find your way around anywhere on the castle where you were permitted even if it might not be the most direct route – but this time you’re flanked by two guards sporting serious facial expressions, and it’s making you feel small and vulnerable.

Any hope of having Loki accompany you was dashed before there had been a chance to voice it: no matter who you would pretend to be, a simple servant would never be permitted along with their mistress to a meeting with the King of Asgard.

Shoulders tense, stomach tied into a knot of anticipation and worry, you have to fight your own body as you enter the grand room and stride towards the dais with the golden throne, passing more guards and a couple of figureheads from the Court of Valhalla. At least Frigga’s there. Standing to the left of the seat, she smiles at you with the same kindness as a grandmother while Thor (standing on the other side) tries to offer the same comfort despite the furrowed brows. His expression is the second warning you have before lying eyes on Odin and feeling the full weight of unspoken accusations.

“[Y/N],” he rumbles.

Trying to stick to formalities, you bow as neatly as you can before returning his greeting, “Your highness.”

“This will be your chance to be honest, mortal.” The one eye he has left glistens with restrained anger.

Uhm. Afraid to say too much, it would be lovely with a clear idea of what the king is talking about.

It’s Thor, who comes to your rescue. “After Loki abducted you, it does indeed seem he brought you to Alfheim. Why?”

“Their High Priestess was fatally ill. He hoped I could cure her in exchange for some favour.”

“Did you?” Odin demands.

“Yes.”

“And the favour?”

Come on, poker face. Work for me! “I don’t know the details but it seemed not to work out as he had hoped.”

At least it’s not a lie, and that’s the comfort you cling to as the icy eye scrutinizes your every twitch and blink. Does he believe you? It’s impossible to tell as he huffs at no one in particular.

“He did not let you go after his failure.”

He didn’t fail! Rather than say anything, you shake your head. “He had business elsewhere. He probably thought I could be useful, still, but...”

“But?”

“I’m just a girl with a weird ability I can’t control. What good could I possibly be to anyone?”

Frigga is pressing a thumb into her other palm (a gesture that seems familiar) and you send her a silent apology because you know she has faith in you and your magic even if it’s slow work.

Her son, the oldest one, grants you a look heavy with pity before turning to his father. “These questions are irrelevant to my findings, father.” Gesturing to the room, but encompassing all of Asgard somehow, he urges the old king, “Thanos is seeking to destroy everything we hold dear...clearly this isn’t the time to talk with an innocent victim of a madman!”

“Silence!” Odin’s voice clashes against the hard stones on walls and ceiling and echoes among the arches lining the length of the room. None of the guards or nobles move. No one dares breathe until their king sighs. “Innocent or not, the Midgardian is the last known connection to Loki. If what you have learned is true, then he and Thanos conspired. Finding Loki, will grant us more than hear-say. We must capture him and make him talk.”

Oh, fuck. You’re a stranger to Asgardian diplomacy, but the choice of word seems to be universal for “torture the crap out of someone” and you’re not at all keen on the idea.

“P-pardon me,” you try despite the lump in your throat, “I uhm I might not know much uhh but if Loki still was in kahoots with Tha-this Thanos-guy...wouldn’t he have brought me there instead?” You notice Thor mouth the term you used to himself even if your focus primarily is on the king as he turns to you, willing you to explain. “While travelling with Loki, he tried to stay hidden like he was running from someone. Now...I dunno a lot about space and alien people and stuff, but seems to me that he wouldn’t have to worry about most things and still...he fears Thanos.” You have to swallow the dryness before you can continue. “So, you say they were working together? I’m sorry, but what I’ve learned of your son since then...it just doesn’t add up.”

“Someone entrusted him with the Sceptre,” Thor tries to deviate from the fact that you just called the king out on having raised a disaster-child.

“Yeah. And made sure Loki could get hold of the cube,” you sigh, “may-maybe attacking New York was the carrot dangling before him because Loki generally does as he wants, right?” You continue without waiting for a reply, “But in the end, he’d still have to return the shiny toys, wouldn’t he? Thanos can’t honestly have trusted a stranger with something that important.”

Again, the king sighs. “Loki rarely did anything but what he wanted.”

“To serve someone else...” Thor adds with the usual frown, “would have been against his nature.”

Loki’s gonna be so pissed if he finds out I made them guess he was forced to do anything. There’s no going back at this point though and all you can do is find Frigga’s gaze and bathe in the calm she harbours. I’m sorry. If ever she were to find out about the horrors her child had gone through, the pain that broke him to the point where he accepted another person’s rule over his own free will...her heart would shatter.

The sound of your name snaps you back to the two men.

“If Prince Thor had not found evidence to support your tale, then I would never have considered listen to the words of a simple mortal.” Pinned by the old man’s gaze, you find that you can’t move. “Yet...your speculations can cause more harm than good. I advice you show great care who you confide in from now on.”

“Yes, your highness.” That’s it?

Odin thumbs the heavy spear into the ground. “Leave. The council will convene now.”

Bowing once more, you turn and leave the throne room on jellied legs. Heart beating a frantic tattoo, fingers clasping the skirt to keep from trembling, and all you can think of is to be alone for a second.

You’ve made it halfway to your chamber before your body is somewhat under control, but all the calming breaths are wasted the moment something encircles you waist and drags you into a small alcove.

“Perhaps you should learn to guard your tongue,” a voice hisses into your ear.

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

I’m writing something else about this that I will not share, but fuck it, I’m kind of angry and I don’t mind if my blog soaks up this momentary feeling. (So if you don’t feel like sharing in this feeling or consuming it, then kindly do not click the ‘keep reading’ option.)

I’ve just realized that lately I’ve been consuming media where the child (AND AN ONLY CHILD, IN TWO CASES, TOO, OH MY FUCK! That coincidence is far too scary, I feel like passing away now) has been like or had to act like the parent to their own parents and god fucking dammit, do people not understand how fucking frustrating that is. Children should be children - they should have parents who take care of them and NOT the other way around (until the children are grown, at least). Children should not have to parent THEMSELVES AND THEIR PARENTS and they should NEVER have to act like the adult when their parent(s) should be fully fucking capable of being and acting like an adult if they had their children in the first place.

And like, it always makes me think about how I’ve always (and literally, still, like as recently as a year ago) been called “mature for my age” when I have literally never actually gotten to mature let alone to be mature because I’ve had to be concerned about my own AND my parent’s survival since I was a child, and what I mean by this is that I barely even ever got to be a child, so how could I possibly have ever matured if I was forced from a young age (about five years old) to take care of myself and my parent?

This is why, especially in retrospect, I don’t think being called “mature” is a compliment; because most of the time when people have said it, they’ve just meant I’m silent and subservient and they like that. God, if this makes people uncomfortable, then so-be-fucking-it. Be uncomfortable, and then be uncomfortable some more when you ask yourself how society has progressed to make it that children have had to be responsible for themselves AND their parents AND ALSO, ESPECIALLY IN GIRLS’ CASES, FOR THEIR SIBLINGS, TOO! How in the fucking world have we gotten here where people having children have so many personal problems that they cannot parent their children and if their children aren’t taken away from them then those children often end up taking care of their parents and their siblings. And we wonder why so many people suffer from mental illnesses - except that, actually, we do not wonder enough because we aren’t fucking doing enough to address the problems that exacerbate these experiences.

So I think it’s important to clarify, additionally: in literally most cases, the problem actually does not lie with the parent(s), or the children. The problem is systemic. The problem is trauma, often caused by racism [white supremacy], and classism [capitalism], and sexism [misogyny], and colonialism, and transphobia and homophobia [heteronormativity], and ableism. The problem is that our society is not taking care of the ROOTS of the issues that exacerbate these “personal problems.” At this point, they’re not even personal - they may not totally be universal, but they have intersecting, common threads that almost everyone can relate to in some way, no matter the degree. It reminds me of Tracy Chapman’s song “Why?” in fact: “Why do the babies starve/When there's enough food to feed the world?/Why when there are so many of us/Are there people still alone?/Why are the missiles called peace keepers/When they're aimed to kill?/Why is a woman still not safe/When she's in her home?”

Furthermore, because I want to more efficiently put things in to perspective (see the big picture): people don’t ask to have problems abusing substances, or to be mentally ill, or to self-harm, or to idealize suicide, etc. They literally do not ask for these things. In fact, almost of all the time when they do experience these problems, they do because of issues outside of themselves that obviously deeply adversely affect them. Imperceptibly, what they are actually asking for is to heal these problems that create their burdens. They are asking for people to care enough not to give up on them. They are asking for unconditional love in a world that coldly rejects and devalues that concept. THAT’S what they need...but most of the time, that is not what they get, because the way our world runs now cannot sustain those ideals. And THAT’S REALLY actually why we need to burn it all down.

[dear-wormwoods]

Just saw a post of someone saying that they spent the whole book wishing that Richie would die because he's racist and just an asshole, and like he has no reason to survive because he has nothing to overcome. And I get that the book has a LOT of problems and Richie's racism is one of them, but they basically said that if you like book Richie then you're a bad person. And I dunno, is it alright to like book Richie? I don't like that he's racist obviously but I'm conflicted now, what do you think?

Imagine wishing death on an eleven year old child for parroting back jokes and stereotypes that were common in the 1950’s...

The thing with Richie is that there is no ill intent behind his impressions and jokes. He’s literally just a dumb kid living in one of the whitest states in the country, with no connection to the outside world aside from the comedians he sees on TV and the movies he sees in the theater. He repeats things he hears. And, spoiler alert, a lot of comedians over time have had racist bits! Kids don’t inherently understand the implications of what they say and they don’t know what is or isn’t right until someone explains it to them. No one in Richie’s life, until Mike came along, was going to sit him down and tell him that he was being offensive. Because no one cared. Because it was rural Maine in the 1950’s.

Some people like to pretend all the Losers were super progressive and offended by Richie but that’s just not true. Ben and Bev didn’t beep him because they were offended, they beeped him because he was being too loud or obnoxious, and they beeped him while still giggling. Stan literally encouraged Richie’s jokes about Jewish people by making his own. How could this 11 year old boy know he was being a dick if his Jewish friend was laughing and playing along? Eddie was the one to point it out, and you know what? Richie stopped, and instead talked about how Catholics are historically way worse than anything he could say about Jewish people. And, it’s also important that Mike schooled Richie sometimes, but the only reason he bothered to was because he understood that Richie’s impressions and misconceptions came from a place of ignorance, not hatred. With other characters, Mike actively did not bother. SK was literally making a statement that racism doesn’t always have to be hateful or violent - sometimes it’s otherwise good people being ignorant. People whose racism stems from ignorance won’t change if they never learn they’re wrong.

But Richie did learn it was wrong, when he grew up. Richie left Maine and attended college during the height of the Civil Rights Movement and the Vietnam War. He was exposed to reality at that point, and I imagine he got put in his place very quickly. Then, he built his career in a much more liberal state, with a much more diverse demographic, than Maine. Through his education and his exposure as an entertainer, he learned a thing or two about what the real world was like during the 60’s, 70’s, and 80’s. And by the time he goes back to Maine, yeah, some of his jokes are still really off-color, but in comparison to what he was like as a kid? Vast improvement. And he’s embarrassed and confused when Derry’s regression magic triggers his more offensive voices. Because people change!!

People who make posts like the one you saw first of all don’t understand the concept of nuance and layers, or like, growth, and they also have no frame of reference for what was acceptable comedy fifty years ago, or even ten years ago. Sometimes people - a lot of people! - are well meaning but completely ignorant. Richie is a lot like Michael Scott, whose heart was always in the right place, but whose entire comedic makeup was based on ignorance and imitating other comedians, and he had to learn what wasn’t okay, and it didn’t happen overnight. It’s unrealistic to expect every protagonist ever created to be perfect in every way, because that doesn’t reflect what real people are like. And it’s dumb to ‘cancel’ every character who is flawed or makes mistakes or, god forbid, is a reflection of the time period and location in which they grew up.

So, yes, it’s alright to like book Richie. He is not a bad person. He is, in fact, a very good person who also has moments of ignorance. And he’s a reflection of his time. Would his racist Voices fly in a modern update? Of course not. But he also wouldn’t do those particular Voices today. Because times change, expectations change, and the comedians on TV also change. So he’d use those new comedians as a reference, do something else that pushed boundaries, imitate other routines. Because his schtick isn’t born from hatred, it’s based on the things he sees that get laughs from audiences. As public opinion changes, so would Richie’s act. Because he wants to be liked. So badly. He just wants attention and laughs. As a kid, he’s not thinking about it any deeper than that, he’s not thinking about what he’s actually saying or the ideas he’s perpetuating, and that’s part of the problem and why he needed to learn - and he did learn!

Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty or bad for liking flawed characters. Interesting characters have flaws. It’s not your problem if some random person on Tumblr doesn’t like Richie. You liking him isn’t the same as condoning every single thing he’s ever said!! Some people just don’t get that, and that’s also not your problem!

[lol-jackles]

Are you eating your words about coronavirus and the U.S being “mostly fine” now that we have the most cases in the world and the unemployment applications are reaching the sky while the economy is about to tank harder than the great depression?

No, because I am and will be right, the U.S will “be mostly fine”.   We have the most confirmed cases because we are testing a lot more (we’re a big country!) and surpassed South Korea’s aggressive testing campaign: 220,000 tests in 8 days compared to SK’s tests in the same number over 8 weeks.  Those that tested positive in the U.S, many are are completely asymptomatic.  For both South Korea and U.S, the morality rate is less than 1.5%.   Once a broad cross-section of the U.S population has been tested, it’s likely the morality rate from coronavirus will end up somewhere between 0.5% and 1%.

Remember when the West Nile virus was thought to have a mortality rate of 10%?  That’s because at first the scientists only knew of about a few dozen cases. But wider testing eventually found hundreds of thousands of people who’d been infected but never got sick enough to notice. Today, more than 3 million Americans have been infected with West Niles virus and studies show that fewer than 1% become seriously ill.  China was caught by surprise by the outbreak was only testing the the sickest people, which probably contributed to early evidence that the fatality rate in Wuhan was 4%. As testing expanded, the fatality rate revised to 1.4%.  (link)

Our economy will recover, the Strategic Oil Reserve has been replenished, the value of the Dollar is stronger than ever, and the stock market is recovering ahead of schedule.  I’m less certain how the economy of the rest of the world will look like, but I never pretended on my blog to speculate on non-American economy.  The business herd is being thinned, no doubt, but a good many will be saved due to the business loan in the stimlus package that can even be converted into a grant (free money) if they don’t lay off employees.  That’s probably why my sister is still “working” when there isn’t any work to be done.

As for the Great Depression, you do know that the Federal Reseve was partially to mostly responsible for it, right?  The Federal Reserve created an   unsustainable boom in the 1920s by lowering interest rates.  Federal Reserve then inflated the money supply and the inflationary booms induce widespread bad investment decisions made under the influence of easy money and credit. The malinvestments inevitably lead to wasted capital and economic losses. An economic recession is actually necessary to correct all of the previous malinvestment. The Great Depression ended when goverment cut spending by 75% along with a slight tax reduction.

Now thanks to the pandemic the Federal Reserve is pushed into buying assets in order to stabilize markets, which they’re not allowed to without the help of the Treasury.  The Federal Reserve is taking up debt, but it’s a debt to the Treasury which means that, piece by piece, the Federal Reserve can be “bought up” by the Treasury the more debt it takes on.   You know what that means, right?  The Federal Reserve is now a government organization it can be regulated and investigated and hell, even ended.  Now that would be a dream come true for many, including Trump.

So all you people getting $1,200 checks are actually doing your part in Trump’s goal to weaken or even destroy the Federal Reserve.  To those of you that think the stimulus package is socialism, it’s not because it was the central banking that is the probem.   The days of illegal debts that the Federal Reserve artically created by printing money and then lending that money at interest to the US government will probaby disappear because the Federal Reserve is now nationalized.   Meaning that the government, not a private banks like the Federal Reserve, now controls the printing press and the value of the currency.   Government currency is fine, as long as it is backed by a reliable standard like the gold standard and that will make money hella stable with no danger of hyper inflation and hyper rising prices.  

Yup, we will be mostly fine :-)

[migleefulmoments]

" a lot of people think that just with fan fiction, if you don’t like the outcome of the narrative, you can choose your own adventure and write you own ending." The only person who thinks real life is a fanfic and you can write your own ending is Abby. She's been claiming the end is near for the past 4 years and yet this year Darren got married and when their first anniversary rolls around and they don't get divorced, I'm sure a new end date will be set so Abby's fanfic can continue.

Wasn’t that her most obtuse answer to date? I can’t believe she can’t see herself in that statement. I cackled that she called it a choose-your-own-adventure story since that is something that said about her “theories” many times-including the other day. Someone is reading my blog. 

The nonnie’s point is laughable. They argue that the cc players are real people but fans have made their story into a soap opera. The only “fans” rewriting Darren, Chris, Mia, Will and Ben’s lives into soap opera storylines is Abby and co. The rest of us are doing nothing more than accepting the truth as Darren, Chris, Mia, Will and Ben tell their own stories. 

Read on:

I realize that D,C,M,W, B, and so on are all real people, living their lives. And yet, their management teams (and to some extent some fans) have managed to trivialise their lives into some kind of soap opera. A few similarities -

* the main characters are a combination of good looking, glamorous or wealthy (undeniable) (Ummmmm...they ARE good looking but also they are wealthy and pay a lot of money to look good) 

* there are ongoing major themes running concurrently with lesser ones (serious dramatic roles/commercials/fashion appearances PR set-ups,paid sponsorship) (Every human alive has major and minor things happening in their lives at all given times. As for cc characters, keep in mind that Abby and company have fabricated a great many of the storylines you believe are true- e.g. Ben isn’t anything more than a friend of Darren’s, Chris and Darren aren’t dating, Darren isn’t gay, there is no contract, and Mia well-liked by everyone in her life) 

* there is often an emphasis on personal relationships and moral conflict (DC vs MS,DC&CC, CC&W/ill, MS vs the  CC fandom, CC fandom vs RR, MS&B/en etc etc etc) (All of these personal relationship storylines are fabricated by the Abby and the BNF who came before her!!!!!). 

* recurrent interior setting (TSG bar, PR house) (OMG, how does this person not understand that people frequent the same places in their lives? Again the cc fandom has fabricated the idea that these places are negative. In reality, Darren owns TSG and he loves it and there is no “PR” house. It’s Darren and Mia’s home and has been for years- a home that Darren is quoted as saying “I love our home”)  

*major life events (NOLA wedding, award winning performances, best selling books) (again, ALL humans have major life events).

* villains, or at least shady characters (B/en, SK, RR, M) (ALL CC LIES)

* secret relationships(the D/M/B/C merry go round) (ALL CC LIES)

* significant characters only make an occasional appearance (Ch/uck) (What the actual fuck? Nonnie must be young because all adults have family members they see rarely. Darren and Chuck live across the country from one another and he has 3 young children...he’s busy)

* clues are given to hint at behind the scenes drama or potential themes (disappearing wedding ring, group conversation in the background of the Halloween shots) (There are no “clues” suggesting BTS drama, this is another thing that Abby is fabricating).

None of this is meant to belittle anyone - these are just some observations. I would hope that all talented entertainers are living the lives they have chosen.

***********************************************************************

Hi Nonnie! I think your assessment is completely accurate and unfortunately, because of the outward packaging, a lot of people think that just with fan fiction, if you don’t like the outcome of the narrative, you can choose your own adventure and write you own ending (Nobody more so than Abby).  Unfortunately though, despite the setting and packaging, these are real people and there are very real contractual obligations to be met and fulfilled with a lot of people in the background pulling the strings (Who is Darren actually under contract to at his point and why does he continue to sign never-ending fantasy contracts with people out to hurt him?) And that means that as much as we WANT it to end and yesterday, and we are enraged that it ever went this far, for some reason, this was the choice D and C made as they thought it was the best one, or maybe the only one, for moving forward. And we have to learn that as observers, while we can speak our opinion and hope that our words matter, ultimately, it is not our lives and we have no control. (Your words are painful and hurtful and Darren has told you so.  You just refuse to listen)

[nocvil]

*            ‐            ․            ↺            𝙄𝙉𝙏𝙍𝙊𝘿𝙐𝘾𝙄𝙉𝙂 . . .  ｓｏｏ ｂｏｇｕｍ . hitman        .        caretaker        .        the heel        .        a masked hell        .

❝   my love     ,     my love     ,     my love     ,     won't you stay a while     ?   ❞

possible tw’s below: parental death mention, illness mentions, murder for hire mentions, and uh m,,, i think that’s it rlly. just warning ok.

GENERAL INFO

full name: soo bogum ( 수 보검 ). nickname(s): bo, sweetie pie to his mother (: gender & pronouns: cismale, he/him. sexual & romantic orientation: aromantic, demisexual. age & dob: twenty-five, november 8th, 19-- birthplace/hometown: seoul, sk. parents/siblings: only child, deceased father, living mother. pet(s): absolutely not LOL. astrological sign: scorpio. >:-) dominant hand: both! handwriting style: mostly writes in very slanted cursive. i feel like when you see things like royal documents signed or very important letters written back in the day with that vintage cursive ... that would be bogum. language(s) known/spoken: spanish, english, korean. religion: LOL. ok. current living arrangements: a two-bedroom, two bath apartment complex with his older, npc mother. it is pretty spacious given they both have their own room, a kitchen, dining space, their own bathrooms, and a patio. bo has the money if you kno what i mean ... (: occupation/major: hitman.

PHYSICAL

picture reference: uhh... this? this look rlly gives off bogum vibes so (: blood type: type O. nationality: korean. skin tone/color: lighter tanned. birthmarks & scars: heheh wouldn’t u like to kno ??? height: five-foot ten inches. 5′10″. build: pretty average, more on the lean/athletic side though. hair color: red. hair length: uhm ,, look at reference photo? eye color: brown. diet: uhm ... bo has a pretty average diet probably. he would eat just about anything, not very picky. i think he probably has his favorites when it comes to chips and candy but he doesn’t have a special diet. exercise & level of fitness: LOOOL. let me not make a bad joke here ): how’s their posture ( or lack thereof )?: bogum probably has really good posture! i think standing tall with a straight back probably adds to his uh... authoritative look?  typical style of dress: ( from his stats page ) dresses a bit old school, vintage?, almost plain. likes wearing tucked in and cuffed shirts, rolled up pants, boots, baseball caps, at least three rings on one hand, gold bracelets. the following outfits aren’t specific to him but they are probably kinda similar. it’s hard to rlly find exact examples ): (  1  /  2  /  3  /  4  ) body modifications: none, surprisingly. probably pierced ears that he never puts earrings in. that’s really it though. he would prob like a tattoos but wouldn’t do it for the sake of his career ( because tattoos are distinguishing features ).

MANNERISMS

how does your muse walk?: def with a bit of power in his step. very protective when he is with his mother. mostly, he would walk like he calculates every single step he takes. how does your muse talk?: HAHA i just talked about this with myungok’s mun ,, he would talk very plain and probably without a lot of emotion. this would make things that are usually out of pocket probably sound kinda weird.  what accent/dialect does your muse talk with?: he is from seoul and according to google, they speak with a gyeonggi dialect there (: how would you describe the tone of their voice? are they loud or quiet?: QUIET... shh... if you speak too loud you won’t hear bogum speaking with such monotoned you could probably fall asleep. bogum asmr when?  what does their laugh sound like?: bogum? LAUGHING? i feel like bogum chuckles. so he would have like a short, quiet laugh. how does your muse typically smell?: either like smoke from a cigarette or like his mom’s perfume. what kind of air do they carry?: well jinae’s mun said he would have a dark and heavy presence and honestly that rlly fits the bill. do they have a(ny) catchphrase(s)?: time to die. what are their nervous ticks?: um.. not sure. probably knuckle cracking and finger tapping.

PSYCHOLOGY

what makes your muse happiest?: his mommy! seeing his mom thrive and gain her confidence back, even momentarily, makes him so happy. what upsets them the most?: ugh. listen. i talked abt this with some of y’all but the thought that if he ever got exposed or arrested ... how everyone in his life, including his mother, would just abandon him ... CRIES. was this supposed to be a general question? does your muse have any quirks?: i think his tendency to just be way too lax in certain situations would be his infamous quirk. what are their hobbies? how frequent do/can they do them?: bogum is definitely a simple man. he would totally like puzzles, word searches, watching the news, scrapbooking ( YES, SCRAPBOOKING ), taking walks, shopping with his mom, writing, idk, he doesn’t do anything OD or over the top. shrug. do they have any guilty pleasures?: is your muse an extrovert or an introvert? neither?: 10000% introverted otl. do they have high or low self-esteem? what about confidence?: uhm... bogum probably has an average amount of confidence/self-esteem. he’s a realist, definitely. if he look ugly he look ugly. if he look good he look good. ‘nuff said. are they easily stressed and how do they normally respond to it?: stressed? bogum could be in the midst of a bank robbery and be sitting there like ok, y’all done yet? what is your muses worst fear?: his mother finding out about his job. what is your muses biggest dream?: to either escape his job for good or to be able to heal his mother of all her injuries and illnesses. but of course, neither of those will ever happen! is your muse a morning person or a night dragon?: a night dragon? ok. anyway he is probably both. i can see bogum getting like four hours of sleep and waking up like (: let’s fuckin go! how intelligent is your muse? do they acknowledge it?: OH BOGUM has street smarts but definitely probably not book smarts. at least, not a great amount of book smarts. how can he be a hitman if he’s DUMM?! describe their sense of humor: LMAO. the real question is how can someone as funny as ME play someone as BORING as bogum?

RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES

are they currently in any sexual or romantic relationships?: HELL NO. luuuul. what is their experience with relationships?: to really think about it, bo probably had feelings for people here and there and most likely dated short term in high school but after he moved and began doing that he kind of lost all his effort to pursue romance. how does your muse view the idea of friends with benefits? have they ever had one? would they ever?: another hell naw to that sis. how important is sex to your muse?: not important at all. bogum could care less. what are their biggest turn on and turn offs?: see above pls. does your muse find it easy to make friends?: i say yes, only because most of his friends are through his mother. how important is friendship to them?: veRY IMPORTANT if bogum didn’t have the friends he has today, he probably would be a lot more sad and maybe more than just a hitman ): quantity or quality of friends?: quality! how important is family?: VERY IMPORTANT AGAIN bogum would give his life for his mother and to have his father back. are they close to their family? why or why not ?: YES. obviously asdfasdf everyone probably knows why. although bogum is now the one who runs the house, he still really values his mother because she ultimately has nobody but him in the end if she gets worse. his parents were always really good to him and when his father died, he knew that he and his mother had to stick together through it. he also knew that that he had to step up to provide for his mother because of her injuries and dementia. she is his life, really.

FAVORITES

activity: haha. you really wanna kno?... he likes word searches a lot. animal: idk. probably like. idk.  beverage: mmmm some piping hot tea. book: - color: is red cliche to say? designer: - food:  flower:  water lilies, pansies, lilies, peonies, idk, he would love all kinds of flowers. gem: i googled these. if he had a favorite it would be garnet, smoked topaz, and morion. holiday: christmas! his mother’s favorite too, probably. mode of transportation: walking, usually. movie: -  musical artist: oh boy, uhm,, i bet bogum likes indie kpop. like dean, suran, hyukoh, but i dont rlly know a lot to give you more details. quote / saying: - scenery: hm. probably night time in the living room, mom is put to bed already, he’s watching a rerun episode of a crime drama on television and thinking about how it’s so unrealistic. he’s got a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other though he puts it out halfway through because he loses interest. (: scent: i think he’d like the smell of cleaning products, flower scents ( bc it would remind him of his mom ), and metal (: obviously. weather: cloudy or rainy weather. anything that let’s him stay inside for the day. vacation destination: UM. i bet bogum would like to travel out of country to places like europe.

ATTITUDES

greatest dream: to finally have a peaceful life with his mother by his side, healthy or not. he wants to stop being a hitman, really, but it’s kind of like an addiction, plus he’s good at it, and it brings in the bacon. greatest fear: being caught and leaving his mother by herself -- it would be like the ultimate let down since he doesn’t trust anyone with her. most at east when: pls see scenery in section above. least as ease when: out in public by himself. he doesn’t have his mom as his cover. worst possible thing that could happen: PLS SEE GREATEST FEAR. ajdfkjasdfskf biggest achievement: moving to seoul safely with his mom! biggest regret: falling back into the crime life. most embarrassing moment: idk i feel like bogum isn’t embarrassing. he’s too ,, plain. biggest secret: LMAO well ... i think we all know. top priorities: keeping his mom safe, alive, healthy, and her bills paid for. also keeping himself undercover for the most part and making sure neither him or his mother are overwhelmed.

EXTRA TIDBITS

001. bogum is an unhealthy smoker but a social drinker. he never smokes around his mother though.

002. whenever bogum’s mother is around, he is on his own best behavior. he always does his best to be nice and keep up an image of her sweet son although by himself he can be different.

003. so far the only person who knows about his job is sangwoo because he sort of saw him in the act during his first hit. the two joke about it but bogum would take him out in a heartbeat if he spills.

004. i think it’s funny because i always pictured bogum as that person would give the shirt off of his back for you if you were in trouble. but he also wouldn’t hesitate to threaten to make you disappear.

005. his mom doesn’t know how he gets the money to pay for everything but bogum has her believing he “has his ways” and to “just trust him” although she asks about it every now and then.

006. though he stays inside a lot, some of the places you might see bogum outside of his apartment, are grocery stores close to his place, bars around town, museums, little cafes picking up things for his mother, dawon’s flower shop, and very occasionally places where there are a lot of drug activity.

007. here is smth: bogum is a hitman because his father was killed in a hit!

008. despite his mom questioning where he earns his money, his family has always been pretty well off but that was because of his father. so now that his father isn’t alive, it’s kind of ... fishy.

009. lmao probably your very typical scorpio minus the s*xual stuff.

010. my brain stopped working.

AESTHETICS

a card hand full of royals. empty, dark hospital hallways. dirty hands under black leather gloves. an empty, lonely wheelchair. old black and white photographs. an ashtray full of half smoked cigarettes. ripped up diary pages. rolled up fifty dollar bills. two expensive rings on each finger. responding “k” to a paragraph long text message. tri-folded letters written in the upmost calligraphy. roman numeral clocks.

[frankensteindotpdf]

69-💯 ask meme GO

oh god here we go. under the cut

69. Extrovert or Introvert?

ambivert tbh...i usually spend a lot of time being alone or being with people and after too long i crave the opposite.

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

nope. almost once but my mom said it was too expensive

71. What makes you nervous?

every single thing ever. legit just...everything. Being in a car. Talking to people. Not hearing from people. Eating. Not eating. Watching my nephews. Letting their parents watch them instead. Wearing clothes that make me look good. Wearing clothes that make me feel comfortable. Ghosts. The concept of just stopping existing instead. Like...name a thing that exists or doesnt and im nervous about it.

72. Are you scared of the dark?

yeah, sometimes. depends on my mood. Outside? All the time if im alone. Inside? a lot of he time if im alone lmao ok so usually yeah but not if im with someone else

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

depends on the mistake and the person? but most of the time i do, yeah

74. Are you ticklish?

yes extremely so but if anyone tries it ill fuckin kill you

75. Have you ever started a rumor?

not that i know of. i try to stay out of drama. It’s exhausting.

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

just like...babysitting. Or I guess cadets (like military club for kids in Canada) counts but im terrible at it. I cant give orders

77. Have you ever drank underage?

hehe yeah

78. Have you ever done drugs?

not yet ;) nah real talk i wanna try edibles or smth but i also am worried about psychosis so im gonna wait till my brains a lil more developed (even tho weed is legal now yee yee)

79. Who was your first real crush?

oh god probably this kid in my class in SK...i had a crush on him for like 10 years it was nuts (unless you count fictional characters because lbr probably madeline or hermione)

80. How many piercings do you have?

just the classic earlobes, but im seriously considering getting a helix

81. Can you roll your Rs?

yep and my brother cant so i mock him all the time hehe

82. How fast can you type?

average for a person who has to look at the keys i suppose

83. How fast can you run?

not very fast at all. ive always hated running. im more of an endurance type of guy. ill walk for hours but i can only run for like...30 seconds

84. What color is your hair?

Supposed to be teal, faded to a minty green. (naturally brown)

85. What color is your eyes?

Hazel, leaning more towards green (though my mom would beg to differ) but my three year old nephew says they’re green and he’s v confident in his knowledge of colours so duh mom clearly they are green

86. What are you allergic to?

GOD i have seasonal allergies and on top of that im allergic to cats, apples, cherries, some scents and detergents, peanuts and tree nuts, maybe carrots?? and maybe this one brand of toothpaste??? i need to get tested again (THIRD time) i hate it. I still eat everything im not supposed to eat tho (aside from the raw fruits..those ones make my mouth hella itchy)

87. Do you keep a journal?

always wanted to, never had the commitment necessary

88. What do your parents do?

Mom’s a nurse, dad’s a business clerk at a hospital

89. Do you like your age?

yes. Im having a Great Time. I wanted to diiiieeee in high school but university is such a good time (im like a week away from my bday so like...not yet but in a week ill be having a Good Time cuz ill be able to buy alcohollll)

90. What makes you angry?

People judging other people, especially when you dont know em and also stubborn people??? like GOD nothing makes me more angry than a person who just refuses to do or try smth for no reason i dont know why other than that i dont really get angry too often (mostly just frustrated lmao)

91. Do you like your own name?

I DONT KNOW im having such a problem with it i just dont know its pretty femme and spelled weird and i cant decide if i like having a femme name or not cuz i dont like being percieved as feminine most of the time but i dont hate hate hate my name???? for now ill just say i dont like the spelling and idk if i like the name

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?

Nope. Im not carrying kids so i dont need to unless i end up with a partner that wants to (and the like....science and money to do so). I also like the idea of adopting, so if i do have kids they’ll already come with names lmao

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?

gender....is not important*

*obvs except when dysphoria is involved but like...it dont matter to me a kid’s a kid (also who says they wont be nb) (yes most sjw answer ik but i seriously could not give less fucks)

94. What are you strengths?

im pretty nice and good at art (in different forms)

95. What are your weaknesses?

im bad at admitting my strengths lmao and im a big ole hypocrite and i could keep making this list forever

96. How did you get your name?

My parents wanted to name me after my grandmas but their first names were a lil odd so they went with middle names, but then they didnt want alliteration so they changed a c to a k and then they also didnt like the way one name was pronounced so they tweaked it and now i have a name that seems obvious but is apparently both very difficult and very difficult to spell and say, considering no one ever gets it first try (Karaline, pronounced “Kara-line”)

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Not that im aware of

98. Do you have any scars?

yeah, just little ones from scratching mosquito bites too much or random childhood injuries nothing too interesting Except for one/two on my arm from a staple sticking out of a chair it hurt so bad lmao and now ive got a scar that (tw) looks like self harm and i was so mad cuz like...i never did and now im stuck with this mark that looks like i did and PEOPLE HAVE COMMENTED ON IT i want to die everytime

99. Color of your bedspread?

grey and black cuz im EMO but also i have one that looks like a galaxy and i love

100. Color of your room?

purple and white

in conclusion f u lola but also this was kinda fun so maybe..not

[jhk75-blog1]

Un...

This is my story. I was a 4 yr old boy who was abandoned by his parents in the city of Busan South Korea in the middle of the 70’s. I never could really understand the beginning of my life, is was just a big blur. Like I came from a Big Bang or something of that sort...and The next thing I came remember is coming off a plane going down a long lite up corridor not knowing what is happening or what is going to happen. All I see are all these strangers looking at me like I was the next door prize on the price is right. Strange how I remembered how I was feeling going throug this crazy situation. I have no idea what or who or where I was going. I remember getting handed this panda bear and shoving it back into my soon to be sisters stomach. I knocked the wind out of her, not on purpose but just from being scared and a lone and maybe reflexive or combination of everything happening at the moment. I also didn’t speak any English when I arrived here in the states. Severely malnourished grew 12 inched in the first year I was here. Both my sister and brother were adopted from SK and were infants when there were adopted. They always were closer to my adopted parents. Favorites. I was adopted by a typical white family trying to keep there hopeless failed marriage alive. Weird i think now about it being a parent now by getting or having another child is going to help the relationship in some weird fucked up way. It would just bring more stress and complications to the marriage and it did. obviously. D and J were the typical parents in the 80s after there divorced was finalized was not a good one. My adoptive mom was a 3rd grade elementary school teacher. My adoptive father was a pipe filled dreams of making money fast and easy. No respect for this person at all. There whole divorce was fighting and bickering about money and custody and bullshit all around. I seemed to get lost in the shuffle of there lives and the divorce. I was going through severe mental health issuses. now they diagnosed it as Complex ptsd. I was also tested for ADHD and i tested positive at the age of 6 or 7. It seemed like my whole adolescences was trying to get approval from ppl who never really cared about me from the begining. I was raised by some very depressed and mentally ill ppl. I realize that know being more self aware and where my pain and suffering came from. My relationship with my brother and sister was contentious at times. Being raised by narraccist and mentally ill ppl will do that. I do have a lot of respect for my adoptive mom. Single mom of three kids, disabled herself with cerbal palsy. But overall .It didn’t make her a very compassionate person or self aware person at all. Weird. but with her hard non emotional upbringing my mom tried her best to keep us in sports and activities to maybe shield us from all the crap going on with the divorce. It helped and maybe just for a little while to fit in somewhere. I never really like i fit in any where by the way i looked, what i felt , i never was validated as a child or as teenager. I never ever fit in with my adoptive family til this day.

On a weekday I came down with a high fever about 103 and I had a grand maul seizure i was age 8 at the time. The doctors had found a tumor on the right side of my brain. They thought that the tape worms I had coming from South Korea had laid eggs and traveled into my brain. So they did open brain surgery. The last thing i remember going into that surgery was my yelling at me not knowing how to pronouce a letter. Sad as hell. That would be that last thing i would be doing before my kids had any surgery. Thats why i told you my adoptive mom wasn’t very emotional supportive. After the surgery, I just remember being not being able to control my emotions very well. Highs lows.. I also had attempted to commit suicide at the age 10 and it seemed like my family didn’t really care if i was there or not. Always knowing and feeling that i didn’t fit in anywhere in life. My life never really seemed to have purpose until i had my kids and even then it helped but not really. I was never really loved my whole life. Two families in my life didn’t want me. Why would anybody else? I had some severe mental health issues and disabilities i didn’t even yet understand. It seemed liked i was going to be the next suicide case. But i never could do it. I think that the thing that made me never follow through with it is because I wanted Love. to be loved and to give love. I grew up being the black sheep in my family. Funny i was the one disabled and told be just like my brother in sister and get A’s in school and go on to a 4yr college. My mom would tell me as a child that i wasn’t smart enough to go to school so i should just be a school bus driver. Being told I was dumb and lazy and kicked down every chance they got. I have never was a favorite in my family. I told myself that when i became a dad that I would do the opposite of how my parents raised me. I would show them love and affection and be a better than my parents were to me. I struggled my whole life with mental health issues and disabilities that were never validated by my family or given any considerations. I was physically and emotionally abused as a child and that why Ive had 3 marriages all ending in divorce and 2 kids who i would die for. The reasons I’m writing this is because for self healing and growth and to maybe help or connect with ppl who also struggle and face similar challenges and obstacles. Ive been looking for love and found someone who accepts me for who i am and what i am. She has taught me how to love and give love. I wouldn’t be here today with out her and hopefully some day we will love ourselves as much as we love each other.

[jamlocked]

For the identity ask thing: 2, 6, 15 :)

2. have you ever found a writer who thinks just like you? if so, who?

Uhhhh…hmm. I think there’s a reason I’ve lived on a steady diet of Terry Pratchett since I first read Reaper Man at age ten. But then, the very fact I start reading him young could mean that he influence the way I thought, rather than just resonating with how I thought already. Either way, a pretty bloody good worldview to identify with.

I also have to shout out to @summeringminor here; we might differ in the odd Jim Moriarty headcanon, but we’re both pretty much here for the beauty of pain and suffering. :D

6. are you religious/spiritual?

In a word…yeah. I guess. I would not call myself religious at all, though I grew up going to church most weeks. The older I’ve got, the more anti-organised religion I’ve become. Hard not to be, when you start seeing the things people do and say while using God as an excuse. But I also can’t deny that I’ve known many, many wonderful people who are religious and use that faith to do great, helpful, caring things. I will also never tell anyone they’re wrong to believe what they believe, as long as they’re not hurting anyone else with those beliefs. 

As for me, personally - well, I’m not an aetheist, lets put it that way. It’s  complicated, in that no one ever really knows, but really simple in that I have no trouble believing in a higher power. And it may just be humans and our collective power, but if so there’s no truer God than that. 

15. five most influential books over your lifetime.

…oh man. What a question. GAH. 

Okay, well, I’m just going to pick five that have stood out at different points in my life because otherwise I will have a shortlist of hundreds. 

Good Omens - Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. 

I must have read this a dozen times when I was a teenager. I used to get to the end of it, then go right back and start it over again. I think it was the first book that made me think about religion, and the way it is in the world. I think I was about eleven when I read it first, which was also the age I was both confirmed, and stopped going to church. Reading Good Omens made me think about religion outside the confines of organised religion, and massively expanded my horizons. 

 It - Stephen King.

I was also a teenager when I read this. I think books are usually the most influential when you’re that age, probably? Anyway, I think I was thirteen. There had been lots of books - every book, practically; I used to read one a day - that I just couldn’t stop until I’d finished. But this is the first one I clearly remember not wanting to finish. It scared the everloving shit out of me, but it sucked me into a world that was so fully realised, both on the page and in my head, that I just couldn’t get out of it. That was the first horror book I read, the first Stephen King, and it opened my eyes to a whole new kind of fiction. I’d read a multitude of kid’s books, and Enid Blyton, and I’ve mentioned my early love of Terry Pratchett. I’d also devoured a good chunk of the classics by that age (I counted Far From the Madding Crowd as my favourite book) - but this was something new. I read a ton of SK after that, but none quite held the magic of It. 

Unnamed kid’s story/author unknown

Okay, so, in primary school you get set reading books for your age, et cetera, and when you get through those you’re allowed to be a ‘free reader’ - or that’s how it was when I was that age, idk. So anyway, I blazed through all the set stuff, and once I had the freedom of the library, I picked up this random book of short stories one afternoon. They were age-appropriate, of course, and this one story was about a group of kids who built their own go-karts, and had a massive race with them. Maybe once a year, maybe more often, idk. So of course, there was one kid who was better than all of them, won every time, built his own kart and no one could beat him et cetera. I strapped in for the usual kid’s fare of a new pretender showing up, and either taking the crown, or this kid - who I think was called Billy - overcoming the odds to win again. It was told from the POV of another kid, who also raced but couldn’t touch Billy. And Billy seemed like a decent guy, he wasn’t a bully or anything. 

So anyway, blah blah, they built their karts, they had the race. All was as expected. And then…a car showed up. Billy and New Pretender were neck and neck at the finish line, everyone’s screaming and cheering, and…Billy crashes into the car. God, I can still remember my shock, and how I jumped from ‘this is exciting, but normal’ to ‘omg, wtf is happening.’ But I also remember thinking, ‘but he won, and he’ll be fine.’ And the reason I remember it all so clearly is because…well, here’s Billy’s final words. ‘No, I didn’t. I lost.’

Someone told him that he won the race. But he didn’t, and then he hit the car, and then he died. And he died knowing he’d been beaten.

Like…I was young when I read this, about eight. Maybe younger. The notion that the focus of a story could not win and then actually die…I was not prepared for that. It stuck with me as the first real idea that things don’t always turn out the way you think. Good guys don’t always win, you don’t always achieve the things you think you will. A pretty hard lesson for a primary schooler, but it made me think about things in a different way from then on. 

Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance - Robert M. Pirsig

Moving on from childhood…this book. Fuck, man, this book. I was 21 or 22 when I read it, and I‘m not even going to talk too much about about it because I can’t remember the details. There’s too much in it to try and explain anyway. But I remember reading it because my best mate recced it, and it didn’t seem very promising at first. And then I got sucked in, and I just could not stop. It’s semi-autobiographical, it’s about a road trip a man is taking with his son, it’s all about philosophy and self, and then mental illness, and…God. There wasn’t a single page that didn’t make me think. It made me start a course in philosophy. It was just a wonderful experience from start to finish, and I’ve never read it since because I don’t want to break that magic. But I will read it again. I’m going to find free time, and indulge myself fully. It was just that good. 

sdlfkj I really can’t pick a fifth and I’m rambling on forever, so I’m going to go for a really simple and obvious choice. 

The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkein

My dad gave my sister a copy of this when I was ten, and she was thirteen. I remember thinking how grown up it looked because it was all black and had a dragon on the front. By the time I was twelve I had nicked it off her bookshelf, and I don’t think she ever got it back. It’s another one I read endlessly through my teen years, and it was influential because it my first introduction to that type of fantasy. I couldn’t tell you exactly why Tolkein’s fantasy feels different to Pratchett’s - maybe it’s just more Old Worlde, and of course the writing style is more old-fashioned. It just felt more highbrow, less ‘fun’, but just as enjoyable. It was like travelling back in time, as well as to a different world. I massively preferred the Discworld to Middle Earth - and still do - but I remember loving The Hobbit for its introduction to something I’d never come across before. And when I wrote my first fantasy story when I was about fifteen, it was a perfectly terrible mish-mash of pterry’s satirical style and Tolkien’s highbrow backdrop (and I am serious when I say it was terrible. It was terrible). But any time I think of books that have influenced me and what I like, what I use as a touchstone, what I think of fondly - The Hobbit is always among the first that springs to mind. 

(I re-read it a couple of years ago, and was struck by how simplistic and childlike it seemed. Inevitable, given I’m so much older and have read so much more now. But it doesn’t diminish the fond memories I have of that first love for it.)

I AM SORRY FOR RAMBLING ON FOREVER. Me and books, idk. But thanks for the ask. :)