#usually in mlm pairings the person who

[demigodpolls]

Why do you think Frank gets so little attention from the fandom at large?

although I don't fault anyone individually for not having interest in a given character, I do think it's pretty sad that not much mind is paid to frank. it's not the best metric to measure things by, but on AO3, frank has the fewest fanfics of the prophecy 7 by a pretty wide margin.

there's no point in comparing him to the likes of percy, annabeth, and nico, who have existed for way longer, but the lost hero trio have well over 10k works for all three individually, while hazel has 8.7k (her popularity is surely bolstered by her relation to nico, the second most popular pjo character on ao3) and frank has about 7k. interestingly, will solace has over 15k fics--and that of course has to do with the popularity of solangelo (the second most popular pjo ship on ao3, as you see above), but considering how recently tsats came out (and how little material/information about him existed before that), I still think that number is pretty remarkable.

with all of this in mind, here are some of the reasons why I think frank doesn't get a ton of attention from the fandom below the cut.

- part of it probably has to do with shipping. while frazel is a well-accepted canon ship, I don't think it actually garners a ton of real interest. when a pairing is very popular, its individual parties will inevitably share that popularity; i.e., will solace, as observed previously. furthermore, frank doesn't really have any popular non-canon ships. online fandoms heavily favor mlm pairings over any other kind of pairing (this is just a very neutral, well-observed fact, so I hope no one is bothered by this acknowledgement), but if a male character is not popularly shipped with other men, they tend to fall to the wayside. to be honest, I think it's a little surprising that frank/leo doesn't get more favor; maybe it's because people just don't like to acknowledge the love triangle they were in, but the enemies-to-lovers material that people usually enjoy is right there, you know? jason/leo is fairly popular on tumblr at least, but no one really ships its SoN counterpart percy/frank either, which is interesting.

- part of it probably has to do with the fact that, compared to others, frank does not appear to be a very angsty character. fandoms tend to prefer characters who have tragic backstories and/or highly-animated personalities, and while frank undeniably has his individual struggles, they probably seem quite small compared to the bulk of the principal cast. for reasons like this, a lot of people will likely tell you that they don't find frank (or his powers) very interesting, and prefer to devote their attention to other characters.

- part of it probably has to do with frank (in my opinion) being neglected by HoO books. I wish he had gotten to do so much more! but of the things that he did do, I don't think many people consider them to be very memorable.

- I think there's also no point in ignoring the fact that frank is a chubby POC, and well, these types just aren't often so beloved by fandoms. that his only popular ship is with another POC probably doesn't help matters, to be honest...! it's just a well-documented phenomenon that, unless they're anime characters, POC characters and POC x POC ships tend to be much less popular in online fandoms than their white counterparts (i.e., 2010s star wars comes to mind). of all 10 percy jackson POV characters on ao3 (I'm including will in this figure and excluding apollo, who I consider an outlier), piper, leo, hazel, frank, and reyna make up the bottom 5 in that order in terms of popularity. this page is a great resource for more data on race, queerness, gender, etc on ao3. (unrelated - fascinatingly, percabeth is the 8th most popular m/f ship on ao3 of all time, and jiper is 96th!)

that's just my two cents as to why I think frank doesn't get a ton of attention. I hope no one is upset by my observations, I mean all of them in a pretty neutral, analytical way. to anyone else reading this, here is a reminder that character hate and ship hate is not tolerated on this blog. if you post unkind things, your comments will be deleted and your account will be blocked. we don't need to bash other characters or ships in order to uplift others. save it for your own blogs, please!

thank you for asking and engaging with this blog!

-demigodpolls

[cryptar]

yknow i say im a huge multishipper but i wouldnt actually consider myself much of a shipper at all. just open to the idea of trying everything once. the term has typically romantic connotations and follows the assumption that i think, and want, these characters to be good for eachother.

I'm, personally, less interested in the prexisting chemistry than i am in the puzzle of figuring out what differing circumstances could potentially cause two characters who have seemingly nothing in common to become eachothers everything.

This could explain my favorism towards rarepairs and more convoluted dynamics, and my aversion to popular, fluffy pairings that have already been explored a thousand times over, there's no work for me to do there.

Not to mention that when a ship becomes too popular it starts cannibalising itself, and lots of good, interesting characterisations are lost in the sea of people bending characters into pre-orchestrated, saccharine dynamics. alot of which are usually downright fetishy in nature, particularly in mlm pairings.

I mean i would say being able to get ooc and self indulgent is downright mandatory for making a good fic, but there's only so many times i have to read a fic about a big, overprotective, manly-man top who does all the work and the shy, small, swoony, softhearted femme-wifey-bottom before it starts to just be lazy.

I actively have to go out of my way to search 'switch' tags if i want true-to-the-character, mutual emotional reciprocation. which i really, really shouldn't have to do as an ace person who actively skips through nsfw.

And it's not that popular wlw pairings aren't guilty of these problems aswell, but those tend to lean more into the 'soft lesbians who can do no wrong' stereotype, which always completely (butch)ers all nuisance that makes the ship worth shipping in the first place.

As well as that's if they're even the focus of the story at all and aren't just shoved to the side by the main mlm couple. mlw pairings can be culpable of both these things, with the added risk that you find out the author made a twitter post with the characters in front of the 'super straight' flag.

Though i also wonder if me being aspec plays any part as again; im not as interested in the romantic aspects as i am in the possible hurdles they may face throughout the potential relationship.

Anyone else feel like this?

[onlymingyus]

To You

pairing; joshua hong x lee seokmin (dk) x afab reader

genre; smut (minor dni), fluff, angst

warnings; college au, med student!shua, art student!seokmin, art student!reader, poly relationship, unprotected sex, fingering, oral (f receiving), hand job (briefly), masturbation, voyeurism/exhibitionism, pet names (peanut, baby, darling), hand on the throat, creampie, breast play, some mild mlm (there is more mention of this in the bonus headcanons so if you don't want this skip the very end but it is mild -- but this a poly relationship so), mention of joshua being a sugar daddy, food and drink, pining, mild jealousy, negotiation of a relationship, teasing, the reader is written to be smaller than joshua and seokmin -- hence the nickname of peanut

w/c; 15 k and some change 

requested; no

a/n; this took me a while to write. there were a lot of plot points I wanted to get out and then the plot kept building. I really do hope you enjoy it. this poly relationship really became important to me over the couple weeks of writing it. i really like the pairing of shua and dk.

“Okay, so what is the similarity between transcription and DNA replication?” 

You tap your pencil against the table, your eyes watching Seokmin as he sighs, leaning his head back. You knew that he knew the answer, he was just struggling to put all the pieces together in his head to come up with the right answer. 

Lee Seokmin was a very smart man, he excelled in the classes that were focused on his major but when it came to those that were required for graduation, that is where he fell short. This is also how the two of you had become so close. You shared the same major, deciding to pursue a degree in Art but you didn’t seem to struggle in the mundane classes like math, biology, or English like Seokmin did. 

“They both require a polymerase.” 

You only smile at the voice but Seokmin looks up with a half smile rolling his eyes at the man who leans down to press a kiss to your cheek from behind. Joshua Hong, the very epitome of perfection. A pre-med student, on the Dean’s list, from a wealthy family, and your boyfriend. 

“I knew that. They both require a poly…uh poly meringue.” 

Joshua laughs against your cheek at Seokmin’s words before standing back to his full height. “Merase, but pretty close. How long have you two been at it?” His large hands work into your shoulders making you instantly relax in your chair. He seemed to know exactly the right words, and how to touch you to make you melt. 

You had met Joshua in an Art History class, he had been taking it for an elective after putting off signing up for one until the last moment. What he had first thought was his misfortune and what could have been an incredibly boring class turned out to be the best thing that could have happened to him. You had smiled at him that first day, the seat to your right had been open and Joshua couldn’t help but introduce himself. 

Now a year later, he couldn’t see himself with anyone else despite being the most sought-after man on campus. Many had been confused by his choice at first, you weren’t his usual type. You weren’t popular by most standards. You dressed in boring clothes, you were quiet, kept to yourself, a bit of a nerd, but Joshua seemed to see past all of that. 

To say that you hadn’t changed after you met him would be a lie. Your wardrobe was much different, you had shifted your personality slightly to be more personable but in the end, you were happy. You had lots of friends, even if not all of them were the type of people you wanted to be around. Most of all you had Joshua and now you had your best friend Seokmin, who reminded you so much of how you used to be. 

Seokmin refused to change. He was what most people called “emo”. He wore dark clothes, kept mostly to himself, headphones on, and his face in his sketchbook, but when he was around you he would open up. He was what you were before you let everything change, and you were proud of him and proud to call him your friend. 

“Mm, three hours I think.” You smile at Seokmin, his eyes moving over your face, finally falling to Joshua’s hands on your shoulders before he looks away to give you a bit of space. “But, Seokmin is going to ace this test. I can feel it.” 

Seokmin scoffs, leaning his head back against the back of the chair. You had so much faith in him and he adored you for it. He adored you for many reasons and most he couldn’t act on. You weren’t his, you never would be. How could he compete with Mr. Perfect? Even if he wanted to hate Joshua, he couldn’t. There was nothing to hate beyond the fact that Joshua had what he wanted. 

“Yeah, we’ll see. I manage to fuck up a lot of things, Peanut.” 

Joshua smirks a bit at the nickname Seokmin calls you. He knew it was innocent, something as simple as you being smaller than Seokmin but Joshua still found it amusing. Not every best friend had a pet name for each other. “I’m sure you will do just fine, Seokmin. You and Y/N have been working very hard.” 

You smile, gesturing back towards Joshua as if to say ‘I told you so’ to Seokmin who just laughs and shrugs. Joshua laughs, shaking his head, his hand moving to slide along the side of your face as he leans down to tilt your head up so he could kiss you gently. 

“I’ll see you later, Darling. Dinner at my place?” 

Humming out an affirming response, you smile on his lips. Joshua grins against them, stepping back to give a nod and wave to Seokmin before leaving you and him alone once again. Seokmin sighs softly watching you with Joshua, the way you react to him. What he wouldn’t give to leave you breathless like that just once. 

“So, poly meringue.” 

Laughing, you shake your head at Seokmin, your pencil slipping off your fingers to fly in his direction causing him to laugh in return. “Polymerase, an enzyme.” You can’t help but feel your chest tighten at the sight of how handsome Seokmin is when he smiles so brightly for you. The way his eyes pull at the corners, his bright teeth on display. He never smiled like that for others. He was so timid, closed off. 

“Right, right. Not a dessert. I’ll remember that one now.” 

Several hours later you found yourself in Joshua Hong’s apartment. Not many were as lucky as him to have their own, especially not having to share. He had asked you to move in with him several times and each time you had declined telling him that you didn’t want to crowd him. Though in truth you were just afraid of what it would mean if you made that decision. 

You did love being there with him. Not having to worry about all the noise of your shared apartment, though you didn’t mind your roommates, even if they could be a bit much at times. Yet you found yourself spending many nights with your boyfriend only to have him remind you that you didn’t have to leave. 

“Did you enjoy dinner?” Joshua smiles as you sigh happily, your head resting on his lap while the two of you rest on his couch. His fingers lazily move through your hair, his eyes seeming to drink in every inch of you that he could see. 

Smiling, you meet his eyes only to look away feeling a bit shy even after all this time. “Yeah, it was really good. I still don’t believe you made it, that seems fake even for you Shua.” He had made some sort of smoked salmon dish with vegetables on the side. Everything about it had been delicious, to the point that you had asked it multiple times which restaurant he had ordered it from. 

“Scout's honor, I cooked it. I called my mom for pointers. I’m really glad you liked it, darling. Did the study session with Seokmin go well? I could tell he was struggling.” 

You loved that there never seemed to be any jealousy from Joshua when it came to Seokmin. Most men would be furious about their girlfriend having a male best friend but Joshua was completely supportive. He pushed you to hang out with him telling you that, ‘friends were important’ and ‘that he wanted you to be happy. Your happiness was the most important thing to him. 

“It went pretty well. I think he’s just too much in his head. Something is on his mind, but he isn’t telling me what it is. I think maybe once this test is over, he’ll feel better. Maybe he needs a good trip or something. I don’t know, I wish I knew better how to help.” 

Joshua listens to you intently, his fingers moving to run along your cheek down to your jaw. You were such a good person in his eyes. That was one of the many things he loved about you and what had made him choose you over anyone else. Your compassion for others above yourself, and when it came to Seokmin that was even more evident. Raising a brow, Joshua considers your words, a small smile crossing his lips while his thumb gently slides over your chin. 

“Mmm, we could do that. If you want, and if you think Seokmin would like it. I could plan it.” 

You knew that Joshua meant well, and you weren’t really against the idea but you weren’t sure how Seokmin would react. Letting out a small laugh you shake your head, your nose wrinkling a bit. “I dunno, we could ask him but he might feel a bit weird going with us. Don’t you think he’d feel like the third wheel?” 

Joshua’s hand slides along your jaw, his fingers caressing your neck causing you to swallow hard to the feeling of your stomach tightening. You couldn’t help the way his touch could instantly make your thighs instinctively push together without much effort at all. Seemingly to not even notice the effect he has on you, Joshua purses his lips and tilts his head in thought. 

“No, I don’t think so. Not if we don’t treat him like one. You pay so much attention to him, but yet I don’t think you truly see him, darling.” 

Furrowing your brows at Joshua’s words, you lick your lips to the feeling of his palm sliding along your neck and finally to your chest where his fingers play with the buttons of your shirt. “I don’t know what you mean, Shua. I see him…just fine, and I didn’t mean I would treat him poorly if that’s what, wh—what you are insinuating.” 

Your words become breathless, scattered almost as Joshua’s fingers push your shirt open leaving it to fall to either side of your body. He simply frowns, trailing the back of his fingers between your breasts over the middle of your bra all while shaking his head at your words. 

“I’m not saying that at all. You couldn’t treat anyone poorly, even if you tried. I’m simply saying that you don’t see how much he likes you. I’m not upset about it, darling. I just think that given the chance, Seokmin would very much like the opportunity to do exactly what I’m doing to you right now.” 

With your brows furrowing, you arch your back pushing your breasts towards Joshua’s touch. His large hand slides almost delicately over the lace until his thumb catches the top of your bra pulling it down slowly as his eyes meet yours once again. 

“Shua…please.” You weren’t even sure what you were saying please. Was it for him to touch you or was it about his conversation with Seokmin? Closing your eyes, you bite your lip and shake your head knowing he wouldn’t let it go without a conversation. “He’s just my friend…he doesn’t think of me like that. Could we talk about this later?” 

Joshua smiles, his eyes moving over your pretty face, his thumb circling your nipple feeling it harden under his touch. You can feel his cock hardening just under your head even as he laughs quietly shaking his head. “Mmm yes, I suppose, but I am right. You’ll see that one day soon. Stay the night with me?” 

There was no way you were going to say no. Not as his fingers carefully played with your nipple, but his other hand slid along your stomach toward the top of your jeans. “Okay, just tonight. I have to study…that test is in a couple of days. Oh god, Shua. I need you.” 

“You have me, darling. You could just study here. It’s quiet here, and I can be good. Seokmin could even come here to study with you. I don’t mind…I don’t know why you won’t just move in with me.” 

You sigh heavily, your hand sliding over Joshua’s forearm as his fingers slide past your now unbuttoned jeans to dip into panties. “Shua…not right now. We can talk about it later.” He hated when you told him no, you were the only person to do that. Not even his parents had told him no many times in his life. Then you had come into his life and Joshua didn’t always get his way. 

“Hmm…I’ll prove it to you soon enough. Somehow.” 

A moan leaves your lips that causes Joshua to groan deep in his chest as his middle finger slides between your folds over your clit. You were perfect, everything about you was all he ever needed. Sliding his hand back from your jeans, Joshua is quick to help you sit up pulling you into his lap so his lips can find yours. His pretty, plush lips work over yours gently drawing out another moan from your throat. 

Joshua’s hands slide along your body, discarding your shirt and then your bra to expose more of your skin to him. His lips move from your lips, down your neck to your chest while your hands move to run through his once perfectly sculpted hair. 

“Mmm, please?” The words leave your mouth with a soft moan, making Joshua’s head spin. His fingers press into your hips over your jeans as he looks up at you to meet your needy eyes. Joshua did let you want for much. He loved to give you everything your heart might desire if you’d let him and this was no different. 

You can see the adoration in his gaze as Joshua’s hands move to help you slide from his lap. His fingers lace with yours, the other hand tilting your head back so his lips can meet yours once again when he stands beside you before leading you toward his bedroom. “Anything you want, darling.” 

Stretching out on Joshua’s bed, you glance at the clock noting it wasn’t too late at night. You had fallen asleep but the sound of his shower had woken you up. Your fingers extended for Joshua but you knew he wasn’t there, you could hear the sound of the water and his humming just a room away. Smiling softly, you sit up, pulling the sheet around your chest and reaching for your phone to look at your texts. You had missed a few from friends but only one that you cared about truly. 

Minnie: ‘Thanks for today. Miss you already, Peanut. I’ll buy coffee in the morning.’ 

You bite at your bottom lip leaning your head back against the headboard deciding to press the call on Seokmin’s name. You missed him too and you had a few minutes before Joshua would join you back in bed. It would be nice to hear his voice before bed. 

Seokmin’s head pushes back into his pillows, his hand wrapped just under the head of his cock. He had put this off for so long, in truth he felt bad about it. Not so much the act, but his reasoning. You were on his mind and he had been looking through pictures, the next thing he knew he was so hard he felt like he was going to explode. 

He couldn’t help but let his mind fantasize about how things could be different if he had met you first. If you were with him in his bed instead of with Joshua. If instead of feeling like your loser best friend, he’d have you in his arms. Your lips on his. His hands move over your body. Exploring every part of you. 

Groaning your name, Seokmin pushes his thumb against his slit thrusting his hips upward. Pre-cum oozes along his fingers as he imagines what it might be like to have you touch him instead. How pretty your hand would look wrapped around his cock. How soft your touch would be and yet how much it would drive him crazy. 

He was right there, right on the edge. His climax teetered when his phone started to ring, your ringtone. You had set it yourself, along with the cutest fucking picture Seokmin had ever seen in his entire life. Gasping as his breath gets caught in his throat, Seokmin looks at his phone and your picture dropping his hand from his cock and feeling his climax being pulled from him. His free hand moves to pick up the phone and puts it on his chest pressing the button to answer it on speaker as he licks his lips. “Uh, hey…Peanut. Something wrong?” 

You could tell Seokmin was out of breath or something. Furrowing your brows you adjust the phone against your ear pulling your legs towards your stomach and shaking your head. “No, just missing you. I saw your text and thought I’d call you since you were still awake. Am I bothering you? Did I interrupt something? I can just talk to you in the morning.” 

Seokmin laughs under his breath, lifting his hand to run it over his face wiping away some sweat. With a soft groan, he tugs his sweats back over his hips and shakes his head a bit at how you seemed to know he was up to something. “No, no…I’m good. I was just playing a game. You aren’t bothering me. It is late though, I thought you’d be asleep by now. Are you at home?” 

He knew the answer, it was far too quiet on the other side of the line for you to be at home. Usually, if you were at your apartment some girl was yelling in the background and you sounded stressed out. Now you sounded calm, it was peaceful, you were with Joshua. 

“No, I’m at Joshua’s. We had dinner, I’m just crashing here tonight. You know how my place is…I’ll get more sleep here anyway.” 

Seokmin just nodded, he knew that was true. He wished he could just offer for you to stay with him but his dorm room wasn’t any better and his RA would lose his mind if you stayed the entire night. “Yeah, no…you’ve made a good choice, Peanut. You need some good sleep. Gotta rest that big brain.” 

You laugh, rolling your eyes at Seokmin’s words. “You are full of it. You know you are going to ace that test right? I’ll make sure of it. Speaking of... afterward would you want to get away for the weekend? I know I could use the break and you’ve been banging your head against tables for a month.” 

He knew there had to be some sort of catch but the idea of getting away with you sounded wonderful. Seokmin sighs, adjusting himself on his bed furrowing his brows. “Just us…or? I don’t mind getting away, it sounds awesome but…” 

Biting at your lip, you close your eyes to his questioning tone. You had known he would feel weird about it but you still felt like you should try. “I mean, with Joshua and I. He’s the one who had the idea. Said we could both use the time to relax, said he would plan it and everything. You know how he is…very goal-oriented.” 

That was one way to put it, Seokmin thought to himself, anal was another. Not that it was a bad thing, Joshua would make one hell of a doctor one day because of how his personality was. “Uh…yeah maybe. I don’t know, Peanut. Won’t that be weird? I’ll be in the way of the romance and all that shit.” 

You laugh a bit awkwardly just as the bed dips beside you, Joshua smiles at you when you meet his eyes. “I don’t think that’s what the trip would be for Min. It’s more for relaxing…not so much romance. Just think about it and let me know tomorrow.” 

“Tell him it’s my treat. He literally doesn’t have to do anything, just show up and enjoy it.” 

Seokmin frowns a bit at Joshua’s voice, leaning his head back against his pillows. “Yeah, I heard him. I’ll think about it, seriously I will. I’ll talk to you in the morning.” 

Nodding, you bite at your lip before letting out a soft sigh. “Okay, get some rest. I love you.” 

Seokmin laughs into a deep breath looking up at his ceiling at your words. “Love you too, Peanut.” Disconnecting the call, Seokmin lays his phone to the side furrowing his brows at what had just happened. He had a lot to consider. 

Joshua lifts his hand to run it over your cheek as you put your phone back on the nightstand with a small sigh. “I think he’ll go, Y/N. Don’t worry so much about it.” He watches your brows furrow a bit, his thumb moving to press against the middle of your brows making you laugh when they relax some. 

“I’m okay, I promise Shua. Just so much on my mind.” 

He could see the wheels turning in your head, so he knew that you were telling the truth. “Mmm, we could talk about it if you want, but maybe we should do it after you’ve had some more sleep.” 

You nod, leaning into his touch. Joshua moves closer to you letting you rest your head on his shoulder. You close your eyes to the feeling of his fingers trailing along your side. “I love you Shua.” 

Joshua grins, a small appreciative sound leaving his lips as he reaches up to turn off the lamp. He pulls you closer to his body, nudging your head with his cheek. “I love you too, darling. Goodnight.” 

“Show me.” You try to peek over Seokmin’s shoulder but the man is just too tall making it impossible for you to see the grade on his test without his permission. “Lee Seokmin! Show me right now.” 

The corners of his eyes lift slightly as he laughs, the way your voice rose an octave in your annoyance causing him so much amusement. This is why he called you Peanut, you were just so cute and small in his eyes. Reaching out to ruffle your hair, Seokmin then offers you the paper in his hands, making you scoff at him when you rip it away to look at it. 

“It’s not the best, honestly…but–” 

“You passed! Oh my god! I told you! What did I fucking tell you, Minnie?! You are so freaking smart. Don’t you ever say something bad about yourself ever again? I’m keeping this and hanging it on my fridge.” 

Seokmin groaned at your words, you were worse than his mother. He watches you fold the paper, putting it into your bag knowing you would do exactly what you said you would do. Granted it would probably end up on Joshua’s fridge and not the fridge at your shared apartment. 

“You are embarrassing. What did you make? Like a 100?” 

You furrow your brows and shoot Seokmin a look, the two of you begin to walk toward the closest bench to take a seat. “No, I made a 98…so I missed something, but it’s whatever. Besides, this isn’t about me. You passed the test which means we are going away this weekend, right?” 

He had never given you a straight answer regarding the invitation. Nothing more than a simple, “yeah…we will see”. Now Seokmin had no other choice but to say yes or no. He had passed the test and you and Joshua had made it clear it was a treat. 

Lifting his hand to rub the back of his neck, you watch as Seokmin thinks way too hard. It was clear he was going to tell you no and that made your chest tighten. “Please? We haven’t gotten away in such a long time and it won't be nearly as much fun without you. Please, please for me?” 

Seokmin’s eyes move over your face, your cute eyes pleading with him. God, he shouldn’t have looked at you and just said no but now he was fucked. Letting out a slow breath, Seokmin nods, dropping his hand back into his lap. “Okay…I’ll go.” 

Your arms wrap around his neck, your lips brushing over his cheek causing Seokmin’s heart to beat quickly in his chest. You were giggling, excited at his answer but Seokmin was trying desperately not to lose his mind. His hands move to rest on your hips before sliding along to your back to pull you into the hug allowing himself to enjoy it for the moment. 

“Thank you! I swear this will be the best long weekend. Shua has it all planned out, I don’t know what that even means but he says it will be perfect. He’s going to be so happy you said yes. I love you, Seokmin.” 

God, if you only knew. That was all Seokmin could think, his fingers clenching at your hoodie as his nose buried against your hair taking in your scent. You kept bringing up Joshua and he wasn’t really mad, just jealous. He couldn’t blame you for mentioning him but sometimes he just wanted a little time that belonged to him. 

“I love you too, Peanut. I’m sure it’ll be…great.” 

Seokmin looked around the room wrinkling his nose. He knew you were right down the hall with Joshua, so maybe that’s what made this worse. He had thought Joshua would pick a hotel with his room entirely separate, but instead, the man had rented an entire house. 

Flopping down on the bed, Seokmin groans at the feeling that washes over him. Fuck, the bed was so comfortable. The windows were open letting a warm sea breeze blow over him making his hoodie almost uncomfortable. He hadn’t had many chances to get away like this, especially to places like this, so he hadn’t really planned the best wardrobe for it. 

A knock at the door brings him out of his thoughts, Seokmin’s eyes lifting to the sound of your soft voice. “Can I come in? I have some stuff for you.” Hauling himself up, Seokmin groans with a nod, his hand moving to rub the back of his damp neck. 

“Yeah, come in.” 

Where he didn’t seem to fit in with the location, you quickly adapted. Seokmin’s eyes move over your exposed legs up to the end of your tight shorts where he pulls his eyes away with a soft breath. You seem not to notice, instead, you look concerned about him, moving towards his bed and laying down a bag and a stack of towels. 

“Okay, so here are some towels, and don’t be mad but I know how you dress and you seriously can not wear your hoodie the entire time. You are going to roast to death, Seokmin. I got you some t-shirts and shorts. I think you’ll like them though…they aren’t like Joshua’s style, so don’t freak out on me.” 

Seokmin just laughs, he wasn’t surprised but he doesn’t speak just yet. Instead, he just watches as you take out a few shirts and shorts, most of them darker in color and plain. He watches as you move to his duffle bag to take out his favorite blue flannel showing it to him. 

“So see, what I was thinking…you could wear this over this and like your sneakers even, but I did get you some sandals because we have to go to the beach.” 

You were so fucking cute and thoughtful. Seokmin’s eyes moved over your face and hands as you spoke and moved around his room to put away the clothes. You had gone out of your way to make sure Seokmin didn’t feel like a third wheel so far. He could appreciate it but he knew in the end there wasn’t going to be much you could do to change how Joshua looked at you or how he touched you. 

“Speaking of the beach, I was thinking we could go out there tonight.” Both your and Seokmin’s attention is drawn toward the door where Joshua leans against the frame with a smile on his lips. “Or we could just enjoy the pool and hot tub here, have some dinner, and relax. It was a long trip. Whatever you two are up for. This is a trip for you.” 

Seokmin looks down letting out a breath as the breeze moves through his hair, a small humorless laugh falling from his lips. He knew he would have to eventually spend some time with you and Joshua but maybe he could wiggle his way out of it. “Uh, I might just chill in here tonight. I’m pretty tired…I can order something and have it delivered and you two can have a nice night out toget–” 

“No, we will just all stay here. Go to the pool and get food, if you are tired Seokmin. We can watch a movie, your choice.” Moving around his bed, you grab Seokmin’s hand tugging at it to pull his attention towards you. Once his eyes are on yours, you smile at him tilting your head and trying to give him your best puppy dog eyes. “Like, Shua said, it’s our trip right? It’s because we passed Biology, Min.” 

Joshua watches curiously as Seokmin seems to crumble under your attention. The way the man’s thumb rubs a circle on the back of your hand until he finally sighs and nods making you smile brightly. You were so good at getting your way with him and Seokmin. Joshua had seen that same look so many times but it never took this much convincing for him to say yes to you. 

“Yay! Okay, so just get changed because you are sweating and we will all go to the pool and then get food. I’m so excited.” 

When you lean to kiss Seokmin’s cheek he stops breathing knowing that Joshua is watching. His eyes find the man who only smirks a bit, his arms crossed as he still leans against the door frame. He didn’t seem mad at him, jealous, not a single negative emotion. Seokmin wasn’t sure what to think. He didn’t know if he wanted him to be mad but instead, he watched you move back to Joshua who extended a hand out for you to link his fingers with yours before you both left the room leaving him alone. 

“What the fuck? Why am I here? Seokmin, you are an idiot…” The words were muttered under a breath, his hand running over his face as Seokmin moved to his feet to move towards the window letting the breeze hit him a bit more, cooling him down. 

Inside your shared room with Joshua, you drop his hand in place of opening one of the drawers you had claimed as your own to pull out one of your bikinis. Joshua closes the door behind him letting his eyes trail over your backside, the same smirk that had been on his face when he had seen you kiss Seokmin’s cheek still lingering on his lips. 

“You seem happy, darling.” 

You start to speak when you feel Joshua’s fingers pulling your shirt from your shorts causing you to laugh when you realize how close he is. Lifting your arms you let him help you undress, leaning your back against his still-clothed chest so his hands can slide across your stomach to your shorts to undo them. 

“I am, this was a really good idea. It’s already so relaxing being here. It’s like a weight was pulled off of me the moment we left campus, if that makes sense?” 

Joshua hums out a response with a nod, his lips brushing against the side of your neck. You sway your hips from side to side while his thumbs push at your shorts working them down your legs letting gravity take care of the rest. 

“It does, and I’m glad you are happy. That’s all I want, you know that though. Do you think Seokmin is happy?” 

Meeting his eyes in the mirror, you can’t help but feel your body warm up a few degrees when Joshua’s thumbs twist into the top elastic of your panties before he begins to work them down your hips to your legs. His eyes never leave yours even as he nudges your neck with his nose and lips causing goosebumps to spread across your skin. 

“Mmm, I hope he is. I think he is. He’s…just not used to this I think. As I told you before, I don’t want him to feel like the third wheel, Shua.” 

Joshua nods, pressing a kiss to your neck once your panties fall to join your shorts at your feet. His hands move back up your spine to undo your bra as he speaks, “I don’t think he will. I’m trying to make sure he won’t at least. I know you are maybe trying too hard. Don’t stress over it. He knows how much you love him.” 

Your brows furrow at Joshua’s words and the feeling of the back of his fingers sliding along your shoulders to push your bra straps from your arms letting the last garment fall from your body. Meeting his eyes once more in the mirror you tilt your head as he smiles at you stepping away to let you get dressed in your bikini though you were more aroused than you’d like to admit. 

“I…yeah I do love him. Does that bother you?” 

Sitting on the end of the bed, Joshua crosses his arms pulling his shirt up and over his head he watches you get dressed. At your question he can’t help but laugh a bit, his hips lifting to push down his shorts kicking them off. 

“Not at all, I knew that you loved him from the moment you met him, darling. There is a connection there that is unbreakable and I’d never try to hurt it. I’ve told you that many times. If anything I’d only want to strengthen it. Why else would I suggest this trip?” 

Looking back into the mirror you adjust the straps of your bikini watching Joshua undressing in the mirror as he speaks. You find yourself letting your eyes travel over his sculpted body. No matter how many times you slept with him or simply saw him naked you were never prepared for how breathtaking he was. 

“I don’t know. I just worry sometimes, Shua. Not all men are like that. He and I are perhaps too close sometimes. I don’t know and you’ve said things that have made me wonder about things.” You laugh at your ramblings and how your thoughts seem to just flow out of your mouth like nonsense. “Just ignore me. I’m just nervous about having you both here, I guess.” 

There was no way that Joshua was going to ignore you or anything you had to say. That wasn’t who he was or who he would ever be, especially when it came to you. Nothing you had ever said meant “nothing”. Reaching you to accept a pair of swim trunks you offer him, Joshua whispers a thank you before slipping them on and standing up to pull them to his hips. He can’t help but notice how your eyes shyly drop from him despite who he is to you. 

“We will figure it all out, we always do, don't we?” Joshua’s hand slides across your jaw to rest under your chin lifting your gaze toward him. His thumb gently caresses your bottom lip causing your mouth to fall open so deliciously that Joshua is the one who has to take a breath this time reminding himself there is a time and a place. 

“Yeah, we do. I love you.” 

Your words cause Joshua’s heart to beat a bit harder, his lips pulling up in a soft smile as he takes a step closer to kiss you. Speaking on your lips, his hands hold you close to him, fingers dangerously low on your hips. “I love you too, and to keep my word about not making Seokmin feel like a third wheel, I’ll restrain myself and take you out to the pool instead of taking you to that bed.” 

Laughing against his lips, you shake your head. You could understand the sentiment, your body felt like it was on fire under his touch. There was something in the air, a tension that didn’t seem to just be in this room but instead was inside the entire house. 

“Mm, you have to be a good boy.” 

Joshua groans a bit when you pull away from him after saying those words, your fingers slipping from his. His eyes follow your hips as you walk from the room leaving the door open for him.

“Seokmin, come on! The pool is waiting and the sun is starting to go down. It’s a perfect time.” 

Sitting by the side of the pool, Seokmin watched as you laughed splashing Joshua. You seemed so happy, so carefree. You both did, he wasn’t sure how to do that. Especially in his current situation. Letting his feet move through the water slowly, Seokmin smiles a bit when you move closer to him, a glint of mischief in your eyes. You had been trying to get him into the water for over an hour. He was still in a t-shirt over his swim trunks but you had at least gotten him to get his feet wet. 

“Peanut, what are you up to?” 

You just laugh softly, going under the water enough that it covers your lips making Seokmin smile even brighter at you. Joshua watches from a distance curiously, he had been trying to give Seokmin space but he had been watching him occasionally. He had noted how the man’s eyes had lingered on your body, but he couldn’t blame him. How could anyone not look at you? You were a feast for the eyes on a good day but today, in your bikini…you were a goddess. 

Tilting your head, you meet Seokmin’s eyes curiously as he matches your head tilting before a loud gasp leaves his lips when you move out of the water pushing your hands towards him to splash him with water soaking his front. Squealing, you swim away to a laughing but shocked Joshua who shakes his head. 

“If you have come to me for protection after an act like that, darling…I’m not sure I can provide it. I would probably have to even turn you over my knee. That was dirty.” 

Your cheeks burn at Joshua’s words, especially those said in front of Seokmin. You mutter for him to hush, your hands running around his arm as you laugh trying to hide behind the large man from your best friend who wipes his hand over his face, pushing water from his eyes. 

“You’re damn right that was dirty. Peanut…” Your nickname falls from Seokmin’s lips almost sweetly, his eyes lifting to find you looking around Joshua’s arm all while giggling. You had pushed him just enough and struck a nerve. 

Nodding, Seokmin crosses his arms in front of him peeling the wet shirt from his body causing you to suck in an audible breath and look down. You had seen him shirtless before but it was very rare and only for a few seconds, and he had never looked like this before. Had he been going to the gym? 

Joshua smirks at your reaction to Seokmin, he could hear your breath, and feel the way your hand tightened on his arm. Glancing back at you, he couldn’t help but laugh under his breath finding you looking away from the other man. 

“As I said, I’m not going to be able to protect you. You fought dirty, Y/N. Clearly…” Joshua tilts your head up, turning it towards Seokmin who lowers himself into the pool, his eyes on yours, “there are consequences to your actions, darling.” 

Consequences. That was one word for it. You couldn’t help but internally panic at the sight in front of you and how Joshua was acting. When his hand drops from your face and he moves from in front of you a whine falls from your lips making Seokmin laugh.

“What? Are you afraid I’m going to hurt you? I’d never hurt you…but payback is a bitch.” 

You brace yourself, closing your eyes, for the impact of water when Seokmin gets closer but it never comes, instead, you feel his warm body next to yours. Opening one eye, you peek up at Seokmin to find him smirking at you, his cup hands held above your head. 

“Hi, Peanut.” 

Words start to form on your lips, but instead of speaking them, you whine and Seokmin tilts his hands, letting the water splash onto your head and face. His larger hands held more than you ever dream of holding so you find yourself spitting out water towards his shoulder causing him to laugh. 

“Gross, I didn’t ask for you to spit on me. Haven’t you heard of consent?” 

Your cheeks burn from Seokmin’s words and hearing Joshua’s chuckle just a few feet from you. Reaching out with one hand you smack at his chest while using the other to push water from your eyes. Quickly you realize the mistake you’ve made when your hand Seokmin’s firm chest, his fingers wrapping around your wrist to hold you where you are while you seem to come to terms with what you’ve done. 

“Who are you, and what have you done with my Seokmin?” You blink the rest of the water from your eyes finally meeting the man’s eyes, feeling his thumb press against the inside of your wrist caressing it almost thoughtfully. 

Joshua raises a brow at the sight, the sound of him moving in the water seeming to bring you and Seokmin back to reality, the man taking a step back from you letting your hand go. You clear your throat, sliding your hands over your hair to push it from your face as best you can before smiling at Joshua, nodding your head as if to tell him everything was fine. 

He already knew everything was fine. He could see what was in front of him, and what he saw were two people struggling with their feelings for one another. The tension was so thick he could cut it with a knife. Smirking a bit, Joshua moves close enough to run his fingers along the top of your ass nodding back at you before finally speaking. 

“I think I’m ready for dinner. Is anyone else famished?” 

The word falls off his lips almost seductively and is laced with double entendre. Seokmin licks his lips dipping down in the pool suddenly feeling like he is overheating as if the water around him could boil at any moment. 

“I–yeah I mean I could eat. I haven’t eaten much today.”  

Joshua meets the man’s eyes and smiles moving you a step closer causing Seokmin to dip down in the pool even more. “Well, we will just have to make sure you are well-fed, Seokmin. No one staying with me ever goes hungry. Isn’t that right, darling?” 

You weren’t sure what he was up to but he wasn’t lying. Joshua was always huge about making sure that you had eaten well and that you were well taken care of so you nod quickly, agreeing unaware of how you were making the situation that much more unbearable for Seokmin.

Seokmin raises a brow at Joshua when he notices the man smirking at him. That was the first sign of a possible negative emotion towards him that he had ever noticed. Perhaps he was reading it wrong but it almost felt like a challenge and for some reason, Seokmin didn’t want to back down from it. It felt like Joshua was begging him to push back. 

“Then…in that case, let’s eat.” 

You picked at your food while the two men seemed to share in a silent conversation that you apparently weren’t privy to. Between raised brows, smirks, and scoffs here and there the tension had risen dramatically in the past hour. All you had wanted to do was enjoy your take-out, but it appeared that your two dinner companions had different plans. 

“How is the chicken, darling?” 

Joshua’s words draw you back to the present, your eyes finding him while his fingers play with the back of your tank top that you had chosen to get redressed in. Seokmin can’t help but tilt his head, his eyes following along with those fingers when you arch your back as they dip down towards your hip. 

“It’s good.” You sigh and mutter, “You’d know if you’d eat…” under your breath causing Joshua to chuckle softly, his fingers lifting at your tank top to allow his fingers access to your skin just underneath. Your eyes widen at his action, your thoughts instantly going to Seokmin just a couple of feet from you. “Shua…we are at the table and we both said–” 

“Said that we’d keep Seokmin from feeling like the third wheel.” 

Heat creeps over your cheeks, a bit of shame flowing through you at hearing it said out loud in front of Seokmin. You glance over at him but instead of seeing him giving you a surprised or angry look, he just stares at you curiously before picking up a piece of chicken and eating it. 

“That is what we said, Y/N. Darling…do you think I’m a fool?” 

Joshua’s words cause you to glance back at him in shock, you had no idea why he would ever ask you something like that. Shaking your head no, you find it almost impossible to speak trying to form words, confusion was written on your face. Joshua smiles at you, a small pout of sympathy at causing you distress falling from his lips as he reaches up to push your still slightly damp hair back from your face. 

“It’s okay. I know…I’m not mad. In fact, I’m just…fuck, I can’t get earlier off my mind.” 

You shake your head, still confused about what Joshua could be talking about. Was this about him or was this about Seokmin? Glancing over at your best friend you find him watching you and Joshua curiously, your heart tightening. Fear was washing over you because you couldn’t help but begin to worry about how this trip was going to mess up your friendship. 

Joshua, seeming to sense your fear and seeing something in your eyes, coos at you again, moving in closer to press a kiss to your jaw leading the kisses to your lips, until finally speaking against them. “I keep thinking about when I undressed you before the pool, about how hard it was not to throw you on the bed and fuck you. You were so wet, darling. You may have thought I didn’t know but…I always know.” 

Seokmin glances down at his hands, his shorts feeling slightly tighter. He wasn’t sure where Joshua was going with this. Was the man teasing him with what he couldn’t have, was this a big fuck you because he had realized how he felt about you? Or was this going somewhere else? 

You whine, your eyes glancing towards Seokmin noticing that he had looked away. You shake your head at Joshua and mutter for him to hush and save it for later, even though you can’t help but enjoy it. You hate how much you enjoy that Seokmin is there to hear what Joshua wanted to do to you. 

Closing your eyes, you feel Joshua smile against the corner of your lips before he pulls away. His fingers trail up your side, exposing more of your skin to the air as he speaks. “You are never this shy. Baby, we should just ask Seokmin to join us in bed. I’ve wanted to for so long...and you can’t lie to me or him and say it isn’t something you want.” 

Hearing that made you scoff. You tilt your head back to meet Joshua’s eyes knowing he had gone too far now. “He doesn’t like me like that, Shua. I know we’ve talked about this enough for you to remember that much. We’ve discussed that…he wouldn’t want—” 

“You could ask me yourself, Y/N. You don’t know what I want unless you ask. Don’t answer for me…until you ask.” 

Seokmin rarely said your name and you hadn’t expected him to speak up so firmly so when he did you swallow hard, turning from Joshua to look at him almost shocked. His eyes are locked on you, his jaw relaxed but an obvious bit of nerves still sits upon him as he watches you and Joshua. 

“Seokmin…” 

“Ask me what I want, don’t assume.” 

Seokmin watches you shift in your seat slightly, Joshua’s hand sliding along your spine up your back while he waits for you to do as you were told. You lick your lips at the feeling of his hand pushing your shirt further up your torso, Seokmin’s eyes dropping to the exposed skin before he once again meets your eyes waiting. 

“I–I’m too afraid to ask. I don’t want to ruin our friendship, Min. No matter how much I may want it, I’d rather forget anything that happened or is happening if it meant I could have you in my life after this trip.” 

That he could understand. You were so important to him. Seokmin shakes his head, his brow furrowing. His eyes meet Joshua’s for a moment who seems to be lost in thought himself. Joshua frowns a bit at your words, he hadn’t meant to cause you any stress with this. If anything he had hoped this would help to relieve any stress there already was. 

“You will always have me in your life, Peanut. I mean, fuck… I–have been waiting for this for fucking ever, and I feel like I should apologize to you and Joshua for that but –” 

Seokmin doesn’t get the chance to finish his sentence when you surprise him and Joshua by moving from your chair to step between Seokmin’s legs. Your hands cupping his cheeks, your lips meet his for the first time taking his and Joshua’s breath away. The moment had taken over you and happened so fast that you only realized that you had done what was on your mind when you felt Seokmin’s hand on your hip hearing him speak against your lips. 

“Oh, my god…” 

Pulling back, your cheeks instantly flair hot as if you were standing by an oven. Your hands trembling, you find yourself terrified to look back at Joshua but you force yourself to. Instead of finding a furious man staring at you as you assumed, you find him watching you curiously. A look of arousal in his eyes as he lets his gaze move over your body. 

Moving from his chair, Joshua extends his hand for yours to allow you to lace your fingers with his before he makes any more movements or speaks. His free hand moves to once again push your hair from your face allowing him to judge just how warm your face had gotten, a smile spreading over his features when he looks over your shoulder to Seokmin. 

“You don’t need my permission to follow but I feel like you want it, so you have it. If either of you is doubting that this is something that I am into or if it is something that I want, let me make it very clear to you right now. I want this, so either follow us into the bedroom and get what you want or deal with the regret later.” 

Joshua doesn’t wait for Seokmin’s answer, and he doesn’t let you ponder on his words as he leads you towards the hall pushing open the door to the master bedroom instantly pulling you into his arms. His lips move over yours hungrily, matching the way his hands seem to claw at your clothing. 

Seokmin had only stood in place in the kitchen for a moment when Joshua had pulled you away. He had weighed the pros and cons so quickly his head was spinning but the moment you were out of his sight it was unbearable and his feet had followed. Now he was standing inside the master bedroom feeling out of place and yet like there was nowhere else he’d rather be. 

Breaking from your lips for a moment to pull your shirt over your head to leave you in your lace bra, Joshua catches Seokmin’s gaze. A grin spreads over your boyfriend’s lips knowing this was going exactly as it should. With a few strategic steps towards you, Joshua walks you backward until your mostly bare back hits something firm and warm. 

Hands shakily move along your arms drawing your glance up to see Seokmin’s eyes on yours. Joshua’s fingers move back to your hips to carefully undo your shorts, giving you and your best friend a moment to collect yourselves. It only seems to take that long because when you whisper his name, Seokmin lets out a gentle breath, lifting his hand to slide it over your cheek as he leans down to press his lips to yours once again. 

Joshua pulls your hips forward momentarily to shimmy your shorts to the floor with your panties, a groan escaping him when he lifts his eyes to find your lips on Seokmin once again. “Unclasp her bra, Seokmin. She’s so fucking pretty…you need to really see her.” 

You felt suddenly embarrassed realizing how naked you were in comparison to the men in the room but when Seokmin’s knuckles ran along every bump of your spine to finally reach the clasp of your bra you couldn’t seem to care anymore. A smile crosses his lips at a soft moan falling from your lips, Seokmin has to shake his head feeling his cock twitch in his shorts. 

“I’ve dreamt about how pretty you would sound, Peanut.” The name on his lips this time had a different feeling, something more sensual and erotic as it rolled off his tongue. “I had some idea…but it was never close enough. God…you are so beautiful. I want to taste you so badly, my mouth is watering.” 

Never in your life did you think you would hear those words come out of your best friend’s mouth or never did you think you’d feel the gentle scratch of his nails along your skin as he guided your bra straps down your arms. 

Seokmin’s eyes travel along your back, over the curve of your ass as he swallows hard. He hadn’t been lying when he told you his mouth was watering or how often he had dreamt about how you’d sound. He couldn’t wait to discover the truth of all his dreams. 

Your bra joining the rest of your clothes on the floor, Joshua guides you to the bed letting Seokmin watch as you finally face him allowing him to see you more fully. Lifting his hand, he runs it over his mouth to suppress a moan but there was no way he kept it to himself. He could see the way you smiled hearing the sound escape his throat. Seokmin smirks a bit to himself pulling his shirt up and over his head while you watch him. Your eyes traveled shamelessly over his skin now that you knew he was yours, even if only for the night. 

“I think you like me, Peanut…just a little bit?” 

Joshua laughs, his shirt discarded on the floor, his thumbs already pushing his shorts and briefs to the floor as he watches you get embarrassed by Seokmin’s question. It was clear you weren’t going to answer it. 

“She likes you more than just a little bit. She’s being so shy, but Seokmin…I will tell you just how much my darling, Y/N likes you.” 

Watching Joshua move towards you, his cock resting heavily in his palm, you can’t seem to draw your eyes away. You lick your lips at the way his fist moves slowly up and down his shaft even as he gets closer to you until he steps behind you to kneel on the bed pulling you to sit down in front of him. 

Joshua smirks leaning to kiss your neck drawing a low moan from your chest, his fingers sliding around your stomach, between your legs only for his fingers to splay out. “Spread your legs for us?” 

Nodding, you spread your legs as you were asked, your hands resting on the bed as you lean your back against Joshua’s chest. His fingers begin to work in slow tortuous movements spreading your folds allowing Seokmin to see just how wet you already were for them. 

“Once, when I was fucking her, I mentioned you during just to see what her reaction would be. You see, I had a feeling about how she felt about you for a while. The way this pretty little pussy clenched around my cock…I will tell you Seokmin, I came almost instantly. She was so turned on by just your name.” 

Seokmin has to take a deep breath not only at Joshua’s words but also at the sight in front of him. He had only visualized what it might be like to be privileged enough to see you like this and now he was watching as Joshua teased you. He could see that you were practically dripping as Joshua pressed his middle finger into your entrance, a moan slipping from your lips followed by a throaty groan from your boyfriend. 

“You are so wet, darling. Are you that excited? You want to play with your Seokmin?” 

Joshua speaks against your cheek, his eyes watching his finger disappear into your pussy while your fingers wrap around his wrist tightly. You only look away from what he is doing when he mentions Seokmin again causing you to clench around his finger. Joshua smirks, humming against your jaw as he works kisses along your skin before speaking again. 

“I don't even have to hear you say it. Your pussy is telling me everything and more.” Joshua glances up to meet Seokmin’s eyes, the words falling from his lips like honey, “It's time for you to take over, Seokmin." 

He had been transfixed by what was in front of him. So, when Joshua tells him to take over, it almost doesn’t click what he means until you whisper his name. You wanted him so badly, you needed his hands on your body. Seokmin could almost hear that laced in your voice, his feet carrying him towards you in just a few long strides. 

Dropping to his knees in front of you, Seokmin lets out a groan of your name that causes goosebumps to spread along your skin. His hands start at your ankles sliding up your legs until he finally reaches your inner thighs, all while his eyes trail over your face and body. 

“You have to tell me again that you want this, that you want me. I just need to hear it one more time.” 

Joshua’s fingers slip from your core causing you to whine at the sudden feeling of being empty drawing Seokmin’s eyes down to where you wanted him the most. Licking his lips, your best friend shakes his head and waits for you to tell him what he needs to hear. He was unwilling to do anything that the both of you might regret later. 

“Please, Seokmin…please. Touch me…I need you to touch me. You said you wanted to taste me? Do whatever you want to me. I just need you.” 

At your words, Seokmin groans leaning to press a warm kiss to your inner thigh. The feeling of your soft skin beneath his lips was almost overwhelming. You let out a soft whimper as he grips your legs pulling you closer to the end of the bed, his gaze moving upward to meet yours then Joshua’s. 

He didn’t linger on the man, though he found himself more than curious of his reaction when his fingers finally did graze between your sopping folds to find your tight entrance. Seokmin bites at his bottom lip to keep himself from coming apart from the feeling and the sounds leaving your mouth. 

“So fucking pretty, Peanut. You are so soft, you like my fingers? Hmm?” 

You could only nod, your head falling back against Joshua’s shoulder when Seokmin slowly pushed two of his fingers into you instantly curling them against your velvet-like walls. His fingers were long whereas Joshua’s were thick. There was such a difference and yet both of them seemed to find your buttons without much direction or movement on your part. 

Joshua’s breath was becoming shallow, his cock throbbing against your back as he watched Seokmin’s fingers fuck into you slowly. He knew the tale tell signs of your arousal and the very fact that you were experiencing so much pleasure brought him to a place mentally he didn’t know he could experience. 

“He’s right, you are so pretty. Are you going to cum, darling? Wouldn’t you rather cum on Seokmin’s tongue? He has such a nice mouth, don’t you agree?” 

Another whimper leaves your lips, your pussy clenching around Seokmin’s fingers causing him to smirk. Joshua had been right, talking about Seokmin did cause your body to react. You were addictive, and Seokmin wasn’t sure how he’d ever give you up. 

“Fuck…I’ll give it to you, baby. I won’t even make you ask.” 

That was the first time he had ever called you baby, and if had thought your body had reacted before now you were panting as you clenched around him almost maddeningly. Seokmin’s mouth moves along your inner thigh torturously slow working his way to your middle until he finally runs his tongue around your clit. 

Your hips lift upwards to chase the feeling only to be pushed back down by Joshua who smiles against your ear sweetly. “Sit still…I have a feeling Seokmin is a generous man but also I think he would take away things if you act up. I’m a pushover when it comes to you, I let you act up far too often in bed.” 

Seokmin hums out a groan against your pussy, his fingers pushing deeper into you at Joshua’s words. He wanted to see that side of you one day because Joshua was right, he would put you in your place if need be. Tonight was not that night though. 

Fingers run through Seokmin’s hair causing him to relax further into what he is doing, his tongue running laps around your clit before he sends a shockwave through your body sucking messily at your folds. He isn’t even sure whose hand it is and he can’t seem to care as his hand on your thigh tightens when he feels you clench down around his fingers once again. 

Joshua grips Seokmin’s hair when you groan, a smirk lifting at his lips as he pulls the man closer between your legs eliciting a deeper sound from both of you. His cock was leaking heavily at the sights and sounds in front of him, but the moment you cum for the first time tonight he has to let out a deep breath to get himself through it without cumming untouched. 

The sound that leaves your mouth is one of pure bliss. Seokmin’s fingers fall from your pussy only to be replaced by his tongue that fucks into your still-clenching entrance begging to be filled. You tasted like nothing he had ever experienced. Better than he could have imagined and something he never wanted to forget. 

Your legs shaking around Seokmin’s head, you whimper out his name, and Joshua’s prompting both men to finally look at you curiously. Seokmin licks his lips clean causing you to shake your head in disbelief at the sight in front of you. A lust deep inside of you that needed to be quenched caused you to feel like you were burning from the inside out. 

“I need you, god…please? Fuck me. Shua, please? Baby? I want you and Min to fuck me.” 

You had asked him for something specific and Joshua never turned down a request if he could make it a reality. A groan slips from your boyfriend’s lips as he nods moving back from you to take your hand pulling you backward on the bed. 

“How do you want to be fucked, darling? Hmm? Where do you want us? How do you want Seokmin?” 

Hearing his name mentioned so many times in the context of fucking you was causing Seokmin’s head to spin and for his cock to throb painfully in his shorts. He had to get them off, he needed relief. You glance over just in time to watch as his thumbs hook into the top of his shorts pushing them over his hips along with his boxers letting them fall to the ground. 

You weren’t sure what you had imagined when it came to your best friend and the size of his cock but you were not disappointed. Instead, you stared for longer than it was necessary fueling Seokmin’s ego and causing Joshua to laugh. Familiar fingers turn your face back towards him as Joshua raises a brow waiting for your answer. 

“Not at the same time. You are both too big, oh my god…but will you fuck me first Shua? I’ve wanted your cock all day long, baby.” 

Joshua had started to speak when your fingers wrap around his shaft, your hand twisting perfectly using his pre-cum to cause the movement to be smooth and fluid. His head falls backward, a grin spreading across his pretty lips before he smiles and nods. 

“Fuck…that feels so good. Yes, yes of course darling. Why don’t you show Seokmin how good of a girl you are and ride my cock then? Hmm?” 

You and Seokmin watch Joshua move from you to lay against the headboard, his hand extending back out to you while his cock leaks desperately for you. Glancing at Seokmin quickly you can’t help but smirk slightly at the look in his eye when you crawl over Joshua’s legs to slowly line yourself up with his thick cock and lower yourself down gradually. 

The stretch is delicious and familiar. Your body reacts perfectly, your walls clenching around his length like a glove causing Joshua to breathe out your name as you finally sit over him completely. 

“Feels so good, Shua. Feels so full.” 

His cock was thick and just the right amount of length but you couldn’t help but let your eyes find Seokmin again. Your best friend biting at his bottom lip, his hand wrapped around a somewhat less girthy shaft but he was longer. You couldn’t help but think how different he was going to feel causing you to clench around Joshua tightly. 

Joshua laughs out a groan feeling you clench, his eyes following your graze to Seokmin before he looks back at you to watch you moving over him. His large hands found purchase on your body, one holding your hip tightly while the other massaged your breast. 

“You don’t have to sit so far away, Seokmin. Fuck...darling” His hand slides from your chest to your face to make you look down at him, your mouth instantly finding a way to wrap around his thumb making him groan out his words. “You have to relax around my cock or I’m gonna fucking lose my mind, angel.” 

You hadn’t meant to be so tight around Joshua, but everything felt new and intense. Nodding you let out a soft moan of a yes letting Joshua’s thumb slip from your mouth when you feel the bed sink behind you. 

Seokmin’s hand slides along your back down to your hip so that you have a hand on either side of your body. Your eyes close to the feeling of his lips moving against the back of your neck while his thumb presses into your skin pushing you down harder over Joshua. 

“I won’t lie, I had only dreamt about what it would be like to be in the bedroom with you, Peanut but somehow this is even better. Does Joshua’s cock feel good? Mm, you sound like you are going to cum again. What if I–?” 

He doesn’t finish his question, instead, Seokmin’s free hand slides around your body and then between your legs so that his fingers can rub over your clit. Your moans of pleasure building cause Seokmin to chuckle lowly against your neck, his teeth raking along your skin knowing he is only pushing you over the edge. 

Joshua groans your name, his hand sliding back down your body to your breast where his fingers roll over your nipple delicately. His large fingers barely pinched at the hardened bud but it was enough with Seokmin’s fingers and the cock buried deep inside of you to make the coil inside of you snap.  

Throwing your head back onto Seokmin’s shoulder, you can’t find words to moan. Instead, you simply try to catch your breath, your body trembling from slight overstimulation by the time your hands move from you. Underneath you, Joshua hisses out a long groan from his chest as his climax hits him like a train. 

Thick, warm cum spills into you as you roll your hips down over Joshua’s cock. His eyes roll back briefly while his hands move to hold your hips tightly pushing Seokmin’s out of the way. Joshua mutters a soft apology to Seokmin before his eyes find yours and they are filled with nothing but adoration. 

“Oh my god…I love you so much.” 

Seokmin didn’t need the apology, he understood why Joshua had pushed his hands away. The man had needed to be grounded at that moment. God, he could see why with the way you had been riding him. Watching you both for a moment, Seokmin tilts his head to the way your lips mesh with Joshua’s. How you whisper how much you love him too into the kiss before your boyfriend’s hands slide over your ass helping you slide off of him carefully. 

“If you don’t want to sleep with me, Y/N…we don’t have to do this.” 

Your brows furrow along with Joshua’s at Seokmin’s words. You had very clearly stated what you had wanted. Your eyes drop to his clearly painfully hard cock resting against his thigh as you turn on the bed to face him tilting your head almost like a curious puppy. 

Joshua can’t help but to watch with a similar curiosity trying to catch his breath and regain his composure. His eyes move over your ass up to the back of your head finally over to Seokmin’s face just over your shoulder when you finally reach the man. There was a look of confusion and desperation in Seokmin’s eyes but also something else. Joshua couldn’t quite place it. 

“I want you, Min. I said that. If you don’t want me, that’s a completely different story. We can forget this entire thing and you never have to worry about seeing me like this ever again.” 

As soon as the words, “like this ever again” leave your mouth Seokmin’s eyes seem to darken. A panic hitting him because those words are so final and it’s never something he’d want. You gasp into a small laugh when your back hits the bed. Seokmin’s hand is on the side of your face, his fingers moving around to the back of your head to pull you back up to his lips as he speaks. 

“I fucking want you.” 

“Then take me.” 

Seokmin’s hand slides along your leg pulling your knee up to his hip while your hand slides between your bodies to stroke him for the first time. He felt heavy and thick in your hand. The breathy whines that fell from his lips at your touch made you feel even wetter. 

Laying on his side, his elbow propping his up so he could watch carefully, Joshua observed how the two of you reacted to one another. How Seokmin’s groans made you clench. He could see it from where he was laying because he could see what was left of his cum seep from you each time it happened. 

Trailing his fingers over yours, Seokmin hisses against your lips lining himself up with your entrance feeling how wet you are. Between your own cum and Joshua’s, he thought it would be easy to push into you and yet you were still tight around him. 

The feeling of the tip of his cock brushing against your g-spot almost instantly because of his length sent you into a frenzy. A breathy, “oh” slipped from your lips as your breath quickened when Seokmin made the first experimental thrust bottoming out into you. 

“Fuck…oh my god. Seokmin, wait.” 

Panic flashed over your best friend’s face, the fingers of his free hand moving to push your hair from your face to look for any signs of distress. Instead, he finds you taking a calming breath. Lifting his head, Seokmin looks to Joshua who was sharing a similar panicked look only for both men to calm down when you let out a pleasured laugh. 

“It feels too good. You are going to make me cum too fast.” 

Shaking his head, Joshua slides along the bed to lay closer to you and Seokmin. A smirk plays on his lips when you look at him, your cheeks warm from your arousal. “Feels that good, huh? What’s so bad about cumming quickly, darling? Doesn’t Seokmin deserve you cumming on his cock a few times? For all the years you two have pined over each other at this point?” 

Seokmin groans at the feeling of you clenching around him as Joshua’s hand slides around your throat. You loved the feeling of Joshua’s hands, especially such a gentle touch in a place where your brain started to scream about a sense of danger. 

“He does, we both do. You are right, Shua. You’ve always been right. Fuck…I’m sorry.” 

Neither of them wanted you to apologize, especially right now but you were overwhelmed with pleasure as Seokmin started to move once again when you pulled him closer with your legs. Joshua simply smiles, his thumb brushing over your throat delicately before he leans to press a kiss to the side of your lips leaning back so Seokmin can kiss you right afterward. 

“I want to tell you how much I love you but…fuck I don’t know if that’s okay.” 

Seokmin wasn’t even sure he had said the words out loud but Joshua simply smirks raising a brow at your reaction because they were very much said out loud. He could see the way you were looking at your best friend. The two of you had said how much you loved each other many times over but this was different, you knew it, Joshua knew it, and Seokmin was going to understand it. 

“Then tell her. I wouldn’t have offered this and let you into our bed if I didn’t realize that you truly had feelings for her, Seokmin. However, before you say those words know what they mean and where they lead, for all of us.” 

Seokmin’s hips slow down, your hand sliding along his side causing him to shiver even as he meets Joshua’s eyes briefly before nodding. He was pretty sure he understood what Joshua was saying and he found himself wanting it, wanting it all. 

His eyes find yours once again, Seokmin trails his fingers along your jaw as you hold back a soft whine of his name feeling him bury himself deep inside of you once again. You were so close and no matter how much you were trying to hold yourself back you knew there was no way you were going to be able to stop it with how his cock was hitting you so perfectly. 

Fingers trace your shoulder down to where Seokmin’s arm begins causing you both to shiver. Joshua waits for Seokmin to finally speak, and when he does Joshua doesn’t look away. Instead, the man watches intently taking in every syllable as if the words were also being spoken to him, because in a way they were. 

“Shit, I’m not going to last long baby. I…god, this is not how I’d want to tell you this for the first time. Not that I haven’t said it before but I mean it differently.” He was rambling, but you can’t help but to smile, the warmth of his hand and the way his body was laying against yours felt intimate. You found this to be the perfect time while his body was completely connected to yours. 

“I love you so fucking much. I used to hate myself for it, but if you’d let me…if Shua would let me...I’d be part of your life. Whatever that fucking means.” 

Your eyes slowly close as your orgasm washes over you. Seokmin’s words fall near the end of his sentence followed by a groan when he feels you clench around him unlike before when you cum. 

Burying his face against your neck, Seokmin kisses and sucks at your skin. His thrusts are seemingly deeper after your first orgasm. He seemed driven to send you over that edge one more time, for you to join him as he climaxed. 

Moving his hand back from your arm, Joshua allows you and Seokmin the time to be alone in a way sensing that you both need it. Your bodies flush with one another, your moans almost in harmony before you mutter that you are cumming once again. 

Seokmin nods, his body almost shaking when you do. He is quick to follow you spilling everything he has into you in thick ropes filling you fully. Soft groans escape the man’s lips as he finally pulls back to kiss his way from your throat to your lips. Hushed whispers of how much he loves you reach your and Joshua’s ears causing you both to smile. 

The entire room is quiet for what seems like years until Joshua finally speaks up and leans to push your hair from your face followed by doing the same action to Seokmin getting your attention. 

“Don’t fall asleep yet, either of you. I know you are tired, and I am as well but you need to use the bathroom and we are all incredibly sticky. We can not possibly sleep like this. I’ll start a shower, Seokmin could you please get us some water?” 

Not waiting for an answer, Joshua slips from the bed heading for the master bathroom with two sets of eyes following him. Seokmin slightly stunned glances at you only to laugh a moment later when you only smile and shrug. 

“Is he always like this? He is seriously okay with me being here?” 

You lift your hand to run your fingers through Seokmin’s hair much like Joshua had a moment before. The man relaxes into your touch a soft smile crossing his lips as he listens to you speak. 

“He has never done anything without a reason, and when it comes to me he’s never done anything to hurt me. Shua goes out of his way to make sure I’m happy and taken care of. Sometimes he does too much, to the point I want to strangle him, but I always know he does things because he loves me.” 

Seokmin grins, tilting his head with a nod. You continue to speak even though your eyes follow his lips against your wrist. 

“So, if he has decided that this is a good idea…whatever this is, whatever it’s going to become then I trust him. I trust you. You are my best friend, Minnie. You and Shua are my favorite people in the entire world. I’ve never felt safer than I do right now.” 

Taking a breath, Seokmin closes his eyes, his lips pressed against the inside of your forearm. He is lost in thought because of your words but he seems to quickly regain himself with a nod. You watch as he slides from you even when you whine not wanting him to go. 

“I have to go get some water, Joshua asked for it. He’s right, about a lot of things it seems. I think he wants you to be hydrated after all of that. We could all use some water. Stay here, Peanut. I’ll be back.” 

Your eyes trail over Seokmin’s back to his ass as he leaves the room completely bare. You can only sigh feeling suddenly cold and alone even if Joshua was only a room away. Hearing the shower running and the sound of Joshua humming brings a smile back to your face when you realize he is closer. 

Joshua’s eyes move over your body, a grin spreading across his lips as he extends a hand for yours. He helps you sit up on the side of the bed before leaning down to kiss your lips.

“Are you happy?” 

You can’t help but laugh at the question. You felt it was pretty obvious but you still nod making Joshua laugh in response. This was all he ever wanted, you in his life and for you to be happy. He wanted to be part of the reason for your happiness and one of the causes of your happiness. 

“I’m glad, darling. We can talk about what all this means but I want to get you clean and situated first.” 

Seokmin was doing his best to balance three empty glasses in one arm while holding the pitcher of ice water with the other. A sound of alarm from his mouth alerted Joshua to his situation causing the older man not only to laugh softly but to jump into action moving to take the glasses from him easing his mind. 

“This is nicer than I had even anticipated. There were bottles of water, Seokmin.” 

“I know, but I saw the pitcher and the water tastes so nice here compared to back at the campus. I thought we could enjoy it while we had it.” 

Joshua furrows his brows at Seokmin’s thoughtfulness before nodding holding up the glasses one at a time allowing him to fill each with water. With one in your hands, you take a sip only to get a look from both men that causes you to roll your eyes before you take a large gulp swallowing it down. 

“You are both impossible. Joshua was bad enough before but I didn’t have to worry about Seokmin complaining.” 

Tipping his glass back, Seokmin all but drains his glass putting it to the side with a shrug. He takes your mostly empty one from your hands allowing Joshua to help you from the bed leading you towards the steamy bathroom as he follows. 

“Well, I have a feeling you are just going to have to get used to it, Peanut.” 

The early morning light causes Seokmin to grimace, a sound of annoyance slipping from his lips as he turns on the bed. It felt a bit crowded but when he opened his eyes he remembered why and where he was. You were laying against him, your head resting on his arm while your legs lay tangled with Joshua’s. 

He didn’t want to move, afraid to wake you or Joshua but a quick glance at the other man caused him to press his lips together. Joshua smiled at him softly, he had been awake for a few minutes now, his fingers lazily running through your hair and along your back to keep you calm and asleep. 

“She’s out. We took a lot out of her.” 

Joshua’s voice was quiet but Seokmin was able to make out everything he was saying. He would see that Joshua was also right. Nothing seemed to be causing you to stir from your slumber. Soft breaths hit Seokmin’s skin causing goosebumps to spread. 

“Shua, we should talk about what happened. What the fuck all of this means, I’ll be honest, I’m really confused.” 

That was fair, Joshua thought to himself. Everything had happened fast. Granted not as fast as it could have but given the timing of the trip, it was on day one. He had sprung the situation on both of you knowing the feelings were there. 

“What do you want it to mean, Seokmin?” 

Taking a deep breath, Seokmin glances down at you sleeping on his chest to shake his head. He knew what he wanted but he was almost afraid to say it. Your words about how Joshua treated you and wanted for you lingered in the forefront of his mind. 

“I want to be with her. I don’t want this to end. I like this…waking up like this. I mean fuck, I like talking to you like this. I liked how it was last night with us, but I don’t know what that even means.” 

Joshua furrows his brows at Seokmin’s words. He felt the apprehension, and he could understand it. This was all new even to him. He hadn’t put all the pieces together in his mind when he had decided to do this, but he did agree with what Seokmin was saying. 

“Yeah, I like it too and last night was great. I enjoyed all of it. I’m curious about where it could go. Where she would want it to go, all of this is of course up to her in the end but it’s also up to you. I can tell you that I want exactly what you want for yourself. I want you to be with, Y/N but that includes me. She is with me so you would also be…with me. I don’t know if that makes any sense.” 

Seokmin leans his head back on his pillow to take a breath trying to wrap his mind around the situation that Joshua was presenting to him. He didn’t hate anything the man was saying. It was confusing and different but something that he could very much handle. 

“We would all talk about what that means for us but, I couldn’t see this as just a “you are dating my girlfriend on the side” situation. That seemed wrong and unnatural. When I thought about you and Y/N, this felt right. You just fit with us, Seokmin.” 

That made Seokmin’s chest tighten slightly. You had been one of the only people in his life to talk to him like that before. To tell him that he fit in anywhere or that he was wanted so to hear it from Joshua Hong unprompted caused his head to spin. Licking his lips, Seokmin glances back over to Joshua with a nod, his hand moving to run through your hair next to Joshua’s. 

“I like that. I really like that, Shua.” 

You smile against Seokmin’s chest, your legs stretching alongside Joshua’s before you sigh out your own words. 

“I really like it too. Good morning.” 

Joshua laughs leaning down to press a kiss to the back of your shoulder before you turn to meet his lips for a good morning kiss. 

“You do? Do you want to be with us both? Everything that comes along with that?” 

Seokmin holds his breath watching you with Joshua waiting to see what you will say but when you smile on Joshua’s lips he can’t help but grin. 

“You mean you wanna date me?” 

Your hand slides along the side of Seokmin’s face up into his hair to gently tug him down so you can kiss him once allowing Joshua to move back just slightly as you do. 

“Yes, I do. We all date each other. I believe that’s what I was hearing?”

Seokmin hums against your lips before leaning back to let you look at Joshua who nods to let you know that you are correct. A smile spreads across your lips, you move to your back basking in the feeling of their fingers dancing along your skin before you watch them barely graze each other's hands not pulling away right away. This was exactly what you had needed and wanted without even realizing it. 

“I love you both so much.” 

Joshua smirks a bit, his larger hand moving Seokmin’s up your side causing you to let out a moan on a breath as they both whisper back that they love you too. 

Bonus Headcanons

Before graduation, you had a large diamond on your finger. It had been Joshua’s gift to you when he had gotten accepted to medical school. You had found that to be a bit backward but he insisted that was exactly how he had intended it. 

You and Seokmin own a cozy little studio where you showcase and sell your art. Neither of you worrying about money but simply enjoying the art-making process. 

Joshua had decided that the studio was more important for you both, so rather than needing to work under anyone else he had bought you both the space and insisted this was how it needed to be. 

Seokmin is the one who always jokes about how he and you have a sugar daddy. 

Seokmin was the best man at Joshua and your wedding. There is no jealousy about the marriage, instead, this is exactly how Seokmin prefers the relationship. 

Joshua’s family is a bit confused about why another person lives in such a large house with Joshua and you but they love Seokmin so much that they have stopped questioning it. 

Seokmin has his own wing in the house because out of the entire relationship, he is the one who needs alone time the most. 

Over time Seokmin and Joshua got much closer and more sexual making time with them even more erotic and sensual. You find yourself many times enjoying their kisses over your body or watching them exchange your cum from their tongues before one of them will fuck you into the mattress. 

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[moodymelanist]

dumb love (i love being stupid)

happy day 2 of @nessianweek everyone! I've had so much fun writing wlw!nessian that i just HAD to flip it around and do mlm!nessian too. hope you all enjoy <3 title from casual by chappell roan!

Summary: Five times Cassian didn’t realize he had a boyfriend, plus one time he finally got it. 

Word Count: 8.4k

Warnings: Smut at the end!

Read on AO3 here!

✵✵✵✵✵✵ Cassian 

1.

Cassian knew he’d put off doing his basic science requirement until the last minute, but it didn’t quite hit him just how long he’d put it off until he was standing in a biology lab surrounded by baby-faced freshmen. 

“Welcome to bio lab,” their TA greeted them at the top of the hour, taking the time to send everyone reassuring smiles. “Today we’re going to go over the syllabus, some really important safety rules, and, most importantly, how to succeed in this class. But first: assigned seating!”

Most of the assorted freshmen looked relieved at not having to figure out where to sit, but Cassian held back a groan. He was usually pretty good about finding partners or groups who were willing to do a little more of the work around his hectic club soccer schedule, but having assigned seats — and likely partners — meant he’d probably have to suck it up and put in a little more work than usual. That would be fine, though; he just needed to pass this class to graduate, and then next semester he could really let the senioritis kick in. 

There didn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason behind how their seats and resulting lab partners were assigned, but Cassian had a sneaking suspicion their TA had paired him up with the only other senior in the room. Cassian had seen the eldest Archeron here or there over the years, mostly because he was pretty tight with the Vanserra brothers and Azriel was dating one of them, but he’d never been this up close and personal with the guy. 

Until now, anyway. The eldest Archeron was tall, only a few inches shorter than Cassian himself; his golden brown hair was parted to the side and pushed back from his face to reveal a pair of gray-blue eyes framed with pretty, bronze lashes. He was dressed comfortably in a white shirt and jeans, though Cassian had a sneaking suspicion those two items alone cost more than his rent, let alone the backpack that just screamed quiet luxury.

“Hey, man,” Cassian said once they were seated, doing his best not to look like he was staring. Which he absolutely wasn’t, but who could blame him? The guy had a jawline sharp enough to cut something, and those eyes were even icier up close. “I’m Cassian.”

“Earnest Nathaniel,” came the other man’s reply. He smelled really good, and it was a miracle Cassian managed to catch his full name with the way he was fighting leaning in closer to take a whiff.

“That’s kind of a mouthful,” Cassian replied jokingly. “Your parents must’ve had it out for you, huh?”

Earnest Nathaniel stared at Cassian for several long seconds, clearly unimpressed with Cassian’s joke. “Whatever nickname you’re about to come up with, I’m not interested in hearing it.”

“Whatever you say, Nes,” Cassian fired back, the nickname rolling off his tongue like it belonged there. 

“Don’t call me that.”

“EN?”

“Jesus Christ, no.”

“Nessie?”

“Do I look like the Loch Ness monster to you?”

“Didn’t peg you for a Twilight fan.”

“Didn’t peg you as such an idiot.”

“Okay, Nesbit.”

“How are these getting worse?”

“Nesseroni? Yes? No?”

“Definite no.”

“Mhmm… think I’ll stick with my first choice, then,” Cassian said with a victorious grin. “Nes.”

Whatever Nes was about to say back was cut short by their TA calling their class back to order, and Cassian sent the other man a pleased little smirk before trying his best to pay attention. He’d gone through enough sylly weeks to know the drill, but if it had the added bonus of getting under his new lab partner’s skin, then he was going to be the most model student possible.  

Still, Cassian must not have fucked up as badly as he thought he did, because Earnest Nathaniel — Nes, in Cassian’s mind — stiffly asked Cassian to grab coffee with him after class. It turned into a bit of a standing thing on Tuesdays and Thursdays, mostly to work through the bulk of their weekly lab reports, but they talked about plenty of other things too. Cassian was on the receiving end of a lot of witty one-liners, but he also learned about Nes’ sisters, about the books he liked to read, and even about the other man’s law school applications. 

Those were Cassian’s favorite coffee days, but he couldn’t exactly put his finger on why. Maybe he just liked making a new friend, or maybe it was just Nes himself. 

✵✵✵✵✵✵

2.

A week or two into October, Cassian caught a nasty cold one weekend and couldn’t shake it off by the time Tuesday's lab rolled around. He’d at least been able to email his professors and TAs to let them know he probably wouldn’t be in class this week, but he’d completely forgotten to give Nes a heads up before lab started. 

They’d exchanged numbers after that first day, and they texted here and there about anything from class to memes Cassian thought Nes would like to random soccer facts that Nes thought Cassian would care about. Still, Cassian wasn’t expecting Nes to be texting him from class when the guy was normally such a stickler for following the rules, so when his phone buzzed, he couldn’t help but be pleasantly surprised at the name on his screen when he finally discovered his phone half-buried beneath his comforter. 

Nes Archeron, 11:12 AM

????

Where are you?

Cassian didn’t have the energy to say much, and he was a little woozy from the strength of the medicine he’d taken about twenty minutes ago. He somehow managed to take a picture of him surrounded by tissues and Tylenol and typed out a short reply that he thought conveyed his predicament well enough.  

Cassian Hernández, 11:15 AM

[Attachment: 1 Image]

send help im dying

Cassian didn’t stay awake long enough to see if Nes had replied, letting the cold medicine pull him into an easy nap instead. He woke up about an hour and a half later to the sound of someone knocking on his bedroom door, and he was still too sleepy to come up with a proper sentence. “Huh?”

Azriel opened the door and poked his head around the corner, his nose wrinkling at the unpleasant sight of a sick roommate. “Your boyfriend’s here with some soup and more medicine.”

“Ha, ha,” Cassian said, sniffling very attractively. Not that it mattered; it was just Azriel, and they’d been friends for far too long for Cassian to care about what he thought. “You’re hilarious.”

“I wasn’t joking,” Azriel said back with a roll of his eyes. He opened the door fully to reveal Nes standing there with a steaming thermos in one hand and a grocery bag filled with cold medicine in the other. Once Cassian had fully processed that this was happening and Nes was very much standing outside his bedroom, Azriel turned back to Nes and said, “Good luck with him. He’s even dumber than usual right now.”

“Trust me, I’m aware,” Nes replied dryly. They exchanged a knowing glance before Azriel huffed a laugh and left them to it, disappearing down the hallway back to his own room. “You doing okay, Cassian?”

Cassian suddenly and intensely regretted not cleaning up the massive pile of tissues surrounding him. He probably didn’t smell great, either, and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d brushed his teeth. So much for it not mattering. “I feel like shit.”

“Yeah, I bet you do,” Nes responded, though his tone seemed a little more sympathetic than usual. “I didn’t know what you had on hand, so I brought you some stuff. Hope that’s cool.”

“Very cool,” Cassian agreed. It was a really thoughtful thing to do, and something went a little soft and gooey and a little sad inside Cassian at the realization that he probably hadn’t been taken care of like this since he was in high school. Mostly soft and gooey, though, so he’d take it for the kind gesture that it was and leave the rest to examine probably… never. “Thanks, Nes.”

“You’re welcome,” Nes answered simply, the barest hint of a blush appearing on his cheeks. 

Instead of trying to clear Cassian’s bed, Nes had the much smarter idea of pulling over the chair from Cassian’s desk and sitting there. He put down the thermos — which smelled like chicken noodle soup, now that it was close enough for Cassian’s nose to pick up on it — and spread out his cold medicine haul across one of Cassian’s end tables. 

“What have you taken today?” Nes asked expectantly. 

Cassian wasn’t totally sure what time he’d taken his meds this morning, and he told the other man as much. “Uh…”

“Idiot,” Nes muttered, though it sounded fond. “Just try to eat a little something, and you can take some more meds when you wake up.”

Nes helped Cassian sit up so he could get a little something in his stomach, his touch firm against Cassian’s back as he shifted up on the bed. Cassian didn’t totally understand why he could still feel Nes’ hands on him long after the other man had let go, but he wasn’t going to question it. It had felt nice, and the soup was even nicer, warm and seasoned surprisingly well despite its source. 

“Don’t look so surprised,” Nes said haughtily, though he couldn’t keep up the act for very long. “I, uh… one of my sisters helped. Lucky for you, Elain actually knows what she’s doing.”

“Knew it,” Cassian said back. He managed a smirk before his nose started running again, and then Nes was taking the thermos out of his hands, offering him a clean tissue, and helping him lie back down. He didn’t even blink before holding up the trash can so Cassian could weakly toss the used tissue inside it.

“You need some more rest,” Nes informed him matter-of-factly. He put down the trash can and left it close enough to Cassian’s bed that he could throw more tissues inside it as needed. “I’ll text you when you should take some more medicine.”

“Okay,” Cassian agreed, his eyes half-closed already. He hated being sick and how much it took out of him, but it didn’t seem so bad with Nes here taking care of him for a little while. “Stay until I fall asleep?”

“Yeah, okay,” Nes promised. His voice had gone strangely soft but Cassian decided not to question it, much more focused on how good his pillow felt against his cheek. 

Before Cassian drifted off to sleep, he swore he felt Nes’ cool fingers gently pushing his hair back from his face. What a dedicated friend, Cassian thought before he was tugged completely under. 

✵✵✵✵✵✵

3.

Cassian made a full recovery by the end of that week, just in time to start prepping for fall midterms. However, the week after they’d taken their bio lecture exam, everything went to shit for several days, and Cassian had no reason why. 

He and Nes had gone for their usual post-lab coffee, and the two of them had been standing outside the library when a certain blonde friend decided to make an appearance. 

“Cassian!” 

Cassian turned from where he was talking with Nes to see Mor barreling up the walkway towards him, his arms automatically coming up to catch her as she leapt into his arms. “Hey, Mor.”

“Hey yourself,” Mor said back, a little out of breath from her short sprint. She squeezed Cassian tight before jumping out of his hold. “Where’ve you been, stranger?”

“Semester’s been kicking my ass, you know how it is,” Cassian replied apologetically. Mor had been trying to corner him for a catch-up lunch for weeks now, and while he hadn’t been intentionally avoiding her, things had just been much busier than he’d expected in his final year of college. “You know I wouldn’t ignore you on purpose.”

“Of course not, silly,” Mor told him with a little laugh. She put her hand on Cassian’s arm before adding, “You know there’d be hell to pay. I have you too well-trained.”

“Cassian,” Nes suddenly interjected before Cassian could respond, his voice as icy as his eyes. Cassian turned to see a muscle in the other man’s jaw working overtime as he stared Mor down. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your… friend?”

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry,” Cassian said sheepishly. Jesus fuck, where were his manners? “Nes, this is my friend Mor. Mor, this is Nes. We’re lab partners this semester.”

“It’s Earnest Nathaniel, actually,” Nes corrected coldly. His eyes zeroed in on where Mor’s hand was still on Cassian’s arm, and Cassian jumped out of her grip like he’d been burned. “I don’t do nicknames.”

“I’m Morrigan, then, if we’re being formal,” Mor replied with a roll of her eyes. Cassian didn’t know why things were suddenly so tense, but he’d do anything to get that blank look off of Nes’ face. “Aren’t you friends with Eris?”

“Since middle school,” Nes answered shortly. Cassian had to blink back his surprise; normally Nes was always ready to talk about how he and Eris had gone from bonding over being the two oldest sons in their respective families to being roommates all four years. He didn’t know what had changed now, but it left him feeling uneasy all the same. 

“Then we’ve definitely met before,” Mor responded. Cassian remembered that she and Eris had had a brief fling their sophomore year before Eris abruptly realized he was gay and had started dating Azriel not too long after. “We’ve probably seen each other around, at least.”

“I don’t recall,” Nes told her stiffly. He made a big show of checking his phone before sliding it back into his pocket and shouldering his backpack. “I have to go, I’m running late for something. Have fun with your friend.”

“See you… around,” Cassian finished lamley, watching helplessly as Nes’ long legs carried him halfway across the quad in record time. He turned back to Mor with a sigh. “I don’t know why he’s being like that.”

Mor stared at Cassian like he was the biggest idiot in the world for several long moments, eventually throwing her hands up with a loud scoff. “Az was right. You’re actually such a dumbass.”

“What?” Cassian said, totally thrown by Mor’s response. She just shook her head at him before she took off too, leaving him standing by himself wondering what, exactly, he’d done to piss off not one, but two people in such record time. “Thanks for the help! Not!”

Cassian still didn’t understand just what he’d done to make Nes so upset, but by the time Tuesday’s lab rolled around, he was determined to make things right. Nes hadn’t answered his texts all weekend, but after Cassian had reposted one of Mor’s Instagram stories from Friday night happy hour with her and her girlfriend, Nes was suddenly much happier to see him. 

Weird.  

✵✵✵✵✵✵

4.

October eventually turned into November, and Cassian found himself suddenly getting ready to play his last home club soccer game. It wasn’t nearly as intense as playing varsity, but he’d enjoyed having an outlet for all his restless energy over the years, and even more so getting to know the rest of the guys on the team. 

Cassian had mentioned his final home game in passing to Nes during one of their post-class coffee hangouts, but he certainly hadn’t expected to find him sitting in the bleachers on a rainy, miserable Saturday in early November. Usually the only other people at their games were close friends and family members, so it was a nice surprise to see Nes up there; none of Cassian’s other friends had been able to make it for various reasons, so he’d fully been expecting to be celebrated later. Even more surprising was that Nes wasn’t alone – Cassian could spot two other women up there with him, and judging by that familiar golden-brown hair, it could only be Elain and Feyre. 

Cassian waved happily from the field, grinning when Feyre and Elain immediately and eagerlty returned his wave while Nes’ just held up his hand in greeting. He knew how much Nes hated getting up early, especially on a weekend, and the fact that he’d dragged himself out of bed for a 10 AM game made something go warm and fuzzy in Cassian’s chest just like that day where Nes had come over to check on him. 

He didn’t have time to investigate that right now, though. He had a game to win, especially with an audience as important as this one, so he channeled all that sudden nervous energy into being the best left back he could. 

After the game — which they’d won 2-0, much to Cassian’s glee — he walked over to where Nes and his two sisters were waiting for him, having walked down from the bleachers in the time it had taken Cassian to finish up with his teammates. He couldn’t stop smiling at the fact that Nes had dragged himself down here just to watch Cassian kick a ball around. 

“What are you doing here?” Cassian asked once they were all standing together, still pleasantly surprised ninety minutes later. “I thought you didn’t believe in waking up during single digit hours.”

Nes flushed, much to his sisters’ clear amusement. “It was your last home game. Why wouldn’t I be here?”

“I don’t think I’ve seen you wake up that early since high school, Earnie,” one of Nes’ sisters teased. She looked the most like Nes, with her gray-blue eyes and high cheekbones, and she was bundled up in an oversized cream sweater and leggings. 

“How many times have I told you not to call me that, Feyre,” Nes grumbled, much to Cassian’s delight. 

“Not enough to make it stick,” Feyre retorted with a laugh. She turned back to Cassian and stuck her hand out expectantly, so he shook it and hoped she didn’t mind the grass and sweat on his hands. “It’s nice to meet you, Cassian. We’ve heard so much about you.”

“Don’t scare him off, Feyre,” Elain, Nes’ other sister, responded. She was the shortest of the three Archerons, and had warm brown eyes that crinkled around the edges when she smiled up at Cassian. “It’s nice to finally meet you, though. I promise we’ve only heard good things!”

“That doesn’t sound like Nes at all,” Cassian replied, teasing Nes just a little bit. He liked that Nes only showed his softer side to the people he cared about, and he counted himself very lucky to have somehow made it into that small group. “Lord knows I’ve given him plenty of things to complain about.”

Feyre’s eyes lit up like Christmas had come early, and even Elain couldn’t stop her smile. Cassian wondered what had been so significant about his words, though his question was quickly answered.

“Shut up, Feyre,” Nes said before Feyre could get a chance to comment.

“If you buy me lunch, I won’t say anything,” Feyre said back, “even though it’s extremely tempting to comment on this new nickname.”

Nes sighed heavily, clearly unable to resist Feyre for too long. “Fine, but nothing too crazy. I’m not made of money.”

“We literally get the same allowance, so objectively—”

“Well then, objectively, you should be able to pay for your own food for once—”

“I’m sure you’re hungry, Cassian,” Elain turned to him with a smile, clearly used to tuning out her siblings’ bickering. “You should join us!”

“Oh,” Cassian answered, touched that they’d want to invite him to their family bonding time. “Sure, I could eat.”

“Great!” Elain clapped her hands together before reaching out and yanking Feyre to her side, her grip appearing surprisingly strong for someone so small. She nudged Nes in Cassian’s direction as she said, “You two, stop your bickering so we can go get some food. Lead the way, Earn.”

Once Cassian got his gear together and changed out of his cleats, the four of them made their way to one of the fast casual places right outside of campus. Feyre and Elain were fun to hang out with, even if they asked a lot of strangely personal questions, but it was more than worth it for all the nuggets of information they gave him about Nes. It was more than a nice way to spend the rest of his afternoon, even more so when Nes paid for everyone’s food, but Cassian knew he’d pay the other man back in coffee and pastries after lab next week. 

Cassian eventually got up to use the bathroom, and as he made his way back to their table, he overheard the Archerons talking amongst themselves. 

“I really like this one, Earn,” Cassian heard Elain say. He slowed his steps to give them time for a sibling moment if they needed it, but he was strangely curious what else they’d say about him. Assuming they were talking about him, anyway. “He seems like a really good guy.”

“Yeah,” Nes replied, his voice strangely soft again. “Me too.”

Cassian wasn’t sure why hearing that put a smile on his face for the rest of the day, but he’d take it. He hadn’t known he was facing some kind of sibling friend test, but he was glad all the same that he’d passed.

✵✵✵✵✵✵

5.

The weekend before everyone went home for Thanksgiving break, Cassian got invited to an end of the semester party that one of the guys on the football team was throwing. Most of his other friends were going, so it was bound to be at least a fun enough time between that and the ridiculous amounts of alcohol that tended to be at these kinds of things. 

Cassian of course invited Nes, pleasantly surprised when the other man said he’d be there. Nes didn’t exactly strike Cassian as the party type, but maybe he wanted to let loose after a long semester just like everybody else. 

“Whose party is it, anyway?” Nes asked as they waited for their Uber. Nes had a car, but they both knew the odds of them both staying sober were slim to none, so he’d parked in the garage across from Cassian’s building so they could ride to the party together. Azriel and Eris were also going to this party, so Cassian figured Nes would maybe catch a ride back with Eris when everything was said and done and would come grab his car another time.

Cassian laughed, his breath fogging up in front of him in the brisk November air. “Now you’re asking?”

“Feyre and Elain said they might come,” Nes replied, rolling his eyes. He looked really good in a pair of dark jeans and the fur-lined leather jacket he’d stolen from Cassian’s closet, and Cassian had a hard time taking his eyes off him. “I can’t just send them in without any information.”

“Aww,” Cassian cooed. “What a good older brother.”

“Shut up, asshole,” Nes shot back without much venom. “Someone has to keep an eye on them.”

Cassian had learned just how shitty the Archeron parents were over the course of getting to know Nes, so he didn’t dare make another joke, not about that. Instead, he double-checked his group text with Rhys and Azriel for the information Nes had asked for in the first place. “Jurian’s throwing it. I think he’s one of Lucien’s friends?”

“Jurian’s alright,” Nes responded. He pulled out his phone and typed out a few quick texts before putting his hands back in his pockets, and Cassian had to stifle the insane urge to slide his hands into those pockets, too. “Besides, even if he weren’t, Lucien will help me keep an eye on them.”

“Don’t forget to have some fun for yourself, too,” Cassian told him. Nes always took himself so seriously that Cassian was almost hoping to see him let a little loose tonight, for once. 

“Don’t worry,” Nes said just as their Uber arrived. He held Cassian’s gaze for a few charged moments in which Cassian nearly forgot how to breathe. “I plan to.”

—

About an hour and a half into the party, Cassian could safely say they were both having a good time. Feyre and Elain had spent most of their time chatting with Rhys and Lucien respectively, so Nes felt comfortable enough leaving his sisters with them that he was actually drinking and laughing and generally letting loose the exact way Cassian had hoped he would. 

Cassian had a nice buzz going himself, even more so after he’d done the rounds and said hey to a lot of his own friends. He was playing some beer pong with Tarquin, one of his friends on the swim team, against Tarquin’s cousins Varian and Cresseida, and even though they were losing spectacularly he didn’t mind not one bit. Nes was still close by enough that Cassian could keep an eye on him, unable to look away as Nes laughed at something Eris had said. 

“It’s your turn, Cassian,” Tarquin pulled him back to the game, yelling to be heard properly over the music. Cassian took the ball and missed his first throw but sank his second easily, and he high-fived Tarquin as Cresseida jokingly flipped them off from across the table. “Nice!”

Their luck didn’t hold for long, however. Varian and Cresseida got their heads in the game and absolutely destroyed Cassian and Tarquin, who split the cups in half before downing one cup after the other. 

Whoever had decided to use tequila instead of beer deserved to have a perpetually warm pillow or something, Cassian thought as he finished his half of the cups. Even as big as he was, he knew drinking that much tequila in such a short time frame was only asking for trouble, so he just hoped the rest of the night would be worth it if he ended up throwing up tonight. 

Cassian really hoped he didn’t throw up tonight. He didn’t want Nes to see him like that, even though he’d definitely already seen Cassian all gross and sick earlier in the semester. Something about Nes just made Cassian want to be on his best behavior, and he was once again hoping that whatever he did would be enough to impress Nes’ high standards. 

Speaking of Nes, where had he even gone? Cassian looked around the room for almost a minute until he spotted the right head of golden-brown hair, and then he was making his way through the crowd to where Nes was still talking to Eris. He and Azriel had shown up to the party at some point during beer pong, both of them covered in hickies and Azriel’s hair way too mussed to be natural bedhead.

At the moment, though, Azriel wasn’t anywhere to be seen, and even though they were all friends, something about watching Nes laugh yet again at something Eris said made Cassian want to haul Nes away and keep him all to himself. 

Nes was still chuckling once Cassian came close enough to interrupt whatever conversation was happening, and Cassian was willing to do whatever it took to get that attention directed at him instead of Eris. 

“Heeeeey, guys,” Cassian said, casually throwing his arm around Nes’ shoulders like it was a thing they did all the time. It should be a thing they did all the time; Nes was the perfect height for Cassian to do that and a whole lot of other things that Cassian hadn’t considered until just now. “What’s going on?”

Eris looked like he wanted to laugh, but he swallowed it down. “Hey, Cassian. You having fun?”

“Yup,” Cassian answered, popping the p. “Soooo much fun.”

“You okay, Cassian?” Nes asked. He shifted his drink to his right hand so the left one could snake around Cassian’s waist, and wow was that a nice feeling. Almost as nice as hearing his name come out of Nes’ perfect mouth. “How much have you had to drink?”

“I lost beer pong,” Cassian replied, fighting the urge to turn and press his face into Nes’ hair. It was always shiny and perfectly styled and just long enough that Cassian would be able to run his fingers through it if he could, but he knew Nes spent way too much on his haircuts for that to be a reality. “Well, really it was tequila pong. They should rename it.”

“Or maybe you should be better at the game,” Nes told him, though Cassian could tell there wasn’t any real venom behind it. 

“Maybe you can be my teammate next time,” Cassian responded with a pleased little grin. What an excellent suggestion his brain had come up with. 

Nes just snorted. “Not really my thing.”

“We’ll just find something that is, then,” Cassian promised. Whatever it took to spend more time in Nes’ arms, he’d do it. “Pinky promise.”

“What are you, five?” Nes retorted, though he finished the rest of his drink and put the cup down somewhere just so he could brush his fingers against the hand Cassian had slung across his shoulders. Cassian seized the opportunity and grabbed hold of Nes’ hand before he could move too far away, interlacing their fingers and giving them a fond little squeeze. 

“Oh, thank God,” Eris said suddenly. Cassian looked away from Nes and his pretty, flushed cheeks to see that Azriel had returned to his boyfriend’s side. “They’re being disgusting.”

“Don’t be homophobic,” Nes said back with a roll of his eyes. 

“It’s PEMDAS, it cancels out,” Azriel replied with a sly little grin. That grin disappeared as he took a good, long look at Cassian, who tried not to squirm under the intense scrutiny. “Cassian, how drunk are you?”

“How drunk are you, Az?” Cassian fired back. 

Azriel rolled his eyes and turned his attention to Nes. “You should probably take him home soon. If he drinks any more he’s going to start throwing up, and nobody wants to see that.”

“Nobody’s going to throw up,” Cassian responded, frowning. He was not going to do that, especially in front of Nes. “I’m fine.”

“Sure, Cassian,” Azriel placated him. He turned back to Nes and added, “I’m going back with Eris after this, so… knock yourselves out, I guess.”

“Thanks,” Nes answered dryly. He squeezed Cassian’s hand one last time before letting go, ignoring Cassian’s pout as he pulled his phone out and started to call an Uber. “It’s time to take you home, Cassian.”

“But I don’t wanna go home yet,” Cassian said, still pouting. “Nessssss.”

“Too bad,” Nes said back. Cassian didn’t need to be looking at him to know the other man was rolling his eyes, though he liked watching Nes do it anyway. “Let’s start saying bye to your friends.”

Nes made quick work of guiding Cassian to the door while still managing to exchange goodbyes with everyone who mattered. Their driver was already waiting when they finally made it outside, and Cassian didn’t even mind sitting in the middle seat if it meant staying close to Nes. Cassian spent most of the Uber home leaning on Nes’ shoulder, thoroughly enjoying the way their thighs were pressed together in the backseat. When they got out of the car, Cassian also enjoyed the very firm grip that Nes kept on him as they walked.

Tonight had really been amazing.

“Where are your keys?” Nes asked as he corralled Cassian toward his building. Cassian mumbled out something unintelligent in response, more than ready to crash in his bed, and Nes sighed heavily. “Cassian, come on, it’s fucking freezing and you’re heavy as hell.”

“Left pocket,” Cassian eventually told him. He giggled as Nes shoved his hand in said left pocket and came up empty-handed. “No. My other left.”

“You’re even dumber when you’re drunk,” Nes grumbled, sticking his hand in Cassian’s right pocket and finally coming up with the keys. “You’re lucky you’re cute.”

Nes used Cassian’s key fob to get into the building and onto the elevator, apparently remembering the way well enough that he didn’t bother to ask Cassian for his floor. Cassian was far too busy trying to remain upright, finally throwing caution to the wind and slumping fully against Nes. “Mhmm. You’re warm.”

“You’re heavy,” Nes said, though he didn’t sound mad about it. He actually released a huff of laughter that tickled the side of Cassian’s ear before poking at Cassian a few times to get him moving. “Come on, let’s get you ready for bed.”

They eventually made their way down the hallway, Nes using Cassian’s keys to open the door to his and Azriel’s apartment. They managed to make it to Cassian’s room without bumping into anything despite not turning on any of the lights, though Nes turned on the lamp on Cassian’s desk so they had a little bit of light in the bedroom. While Nes busied himself with taking off his borrowed jacket, Cassian sat on the edge of the bed and fell backwards so he was comfortable.

“Don’t you dare fall asleep,” Nes said sharply once he noticed Cassian was laying on the bed. “You’re not going to sleep in all that. You’ll overheat in the middle of the night.”

“Says you,” Cassian said back, closing his eyes. Nes loudly snapped his fingers right in front of Cassian’s face, and Cassian forced his eyes back open just so he could roll them, hard. “Ugh. Whatever, Dad.”

Despite Cassian’s grumbling, he didn’t put up too much of a fight at Nes making him kick off his shoes and take off his jacket. He didn’t even mind taking off his shirt, since that’s usually how he slept anyway, but when it came time for Nes to coax him out of his pants, suddenly all bets were off. 

“Come on, Cassian,” Nes said, exasperated. He’d gotten Cassian to sit up while his other clothes had come off, and he was being really patient as he tried to unfasten Cassian’s jeans and take them off. “You can’t go to sleep in jeans.”

“No jeans for everyone,” Cassian said back with a loud laugh. He knew he was drunk and being more than a little annoying, but Nes certainly didn’t seem to mind as Cassian fumbled with the buttons on the other man’s jeans. “It’s only fair.”

“It’s not about fair, it’s about— hey!” Nes yelped as Cassian got the bright idea of suddenly yanking him forward. They overbalanced and Nes landed awkwardly on top of Cassian, who had developed a serious case of the giggles at the shocked expression on the other man’s face. “Really, Cassian?”

“Oh man,” Cassian replied, still giggling, “the look on your face.”

“Ha, ha,” Nes deadpanned. “Very funny.”

Cassian’s giggles abruptly stopped as he realized just how close he and Nes suddenly were. Cassian didn’t think they’d ever been so close before, and he found himself liking it, probably more than he should considering Nes was just trying to be a good friend and help him get ready for bed. It didn’t stop him from finally giving into the urge he’d been shoving down all night to bury his face into the side of Nes’ neck.

“Mhmmm,” Cassian said, breathing in the smell of Nes’ cologne and whatever fancy pomade he liked to use on his hair. Even underneath the smell of weed and alcohol and sweat from the party, he still smelled so goddamn good. “You smell good.”

“Thank you,” Nes said back, his voice a little strained. “Can I get up now?”

“Oh, shit, sorry,” Cassian said.

Cassian shifted underneath Nes, ready to sit them both up so they could stop fucking around and go to sleep, but it seemed the universe had other plans. As Cassian tried to sit up, he was completely unprepared for the hot stab of arousal that hit him as he realized their dicks were pressed together, and that it felt good. 

Really good.

“Fuck,” Cassian said, his dick already half-hard. He was torn between apologizing for making things weird and shifting under Nes again, but he didn’t know what to say to make either thing happen. He just laid there, his heart pounding out of his chest as he waited to see what Nes would do.  

Nes had frozen too, his full, pink lips parted in surprise. He stared down at Cassian for a few moments without saying a word, and Cassian braced himself for the worst. 

But then Nes rolled his hips against Cassian’s, thrusting against him with intention, and any and all worries Cassian had abruptly disappeared with the feeling of Nes’ very hard dick grinding against his. “Oh, fuck, you feel good.”

“Yeah?” Cassian breathed. Now that he wasn’t worried about Nes’ reaction, all that nervous energy had been replaced with pure hunger. He’d never been with another guy before, but that didn’t change the way he wanted to know what Nes looked like when he came.

“I’ve been thinking about this all fucking semester,” Nes continued, pausing briefly to yank off his shirt and kick his jeans off. Cassian could only gape at the sheer amount of skin suddenly on display, interrupted only by the dark blue boxers Nes was still wearing. “You have any lube?”

Cassian flushed as he realized why they might need that. “Um. I. No?”

“That’s fine,” Nes answered, yanking off Cassian’s jeans before climbing back on top of Cassian. “Take out your dick.”

Cassian had never moved faster in his life. He scrambled to pull his dick out through the hole in the front of his boxers, hissing a little as he touched himself. He was so hard it almost hurt, and he nearly stopped breathing as Nes reached down and wrapped his hand around Cassian’s dick.

“Oh my God,” Cassian breathed, though he was pretty sure it had come out more like a whimper. He’d earned plenty of notches on his bedpost over the years, but somehow this was the hottest thing that had ever happened to him. 

And that was before Nes started to actually move his hand. Cassian groaned when Nes began to slowly stroke him, his cock leaking like a faucet the entire time, and he couldn’t stop himself from thrusting upwards into Nes’ firm grip. “Nes, come on, please.”

Nes smirked down at Cassian for a few moments before deciding to take pity on him. He sped up a little bit, just enough to reach a nice, steady pace, and Cassian couldn’t help making helpless little noises every time Nes flicked his wrist upwards. After a few minutes of that, Nes finally pulled out his own cock and worked himself over a few times, his eyes fluttering shut at how good it must have felt, and then he was reaching for Cassian’s hand and placing it on his cock.

Cassian had thought things were intense before, but this was an entirely new level. 

“Jesus,” Cassian muttered, all of this going straight to his own dick. He’d never touched another cock before, but it wasn’t so different from touching his own. The angle and the way Nes’ cock felt in his hand were different, yeah, but that was a very welcome change. Nes wasn’t as thick as Cassian, but he certainly made up for it with the inch or two he had extra.

Once Nes had decided Cassian had done enough staring, he closed his hand around Cassian’s and started to show Cassian what he liked. Cassian was mesmerized by the slow, slick slide of their hands moving together over Nes’ admittedly very nice cock; he hadn’t stared openly at very many dicks in his life, but Cassian was more than happy to look at this one. He was even happier to look at the man it was attached to, doing his best to commit the look on Nes’ face to memory for reasons he wasn’t entirely sure of just yet.

“Yeah, just like that,” Nes groaned, his voice low. He let go of Cassian’s hand, apparently trusting him to keep the rhythm they’d set together, and reached for Cassian’s dick again. “Yeah, fuck, Cassian, that’s it.”

Cassian moaned as Nes started stroking Cassian’s dick a little faster than he’d done before, the praise and the perfect friction against Cassian’s dick absolutely doing it for him. They were both hot and slick under the other’s hand, and Cassian swore as Nes turned his focus to the very tip of Cassian’s dick. “Shit, don’t stop.”

Of course, Nes picked that exact moment to let go. “Relax, Cassian. I have a better idea.”

“It better be— oh,” Cassian cut himself off with a shocked gasp as Nes knocked Cassian’s hand out of the way so he could hold both of their cocks together in one hand. “Oh, God.”

“That’s what I thought,” Nes replied smugly. He shifted so their cocks were better lined up, and Cassian saw stars as Nes started to stroke both of their cocks together. Everything was slippery and hot and perfect, especially once they fell into rhythm that guaranteed the most friction between them, Cassian surging upward while Nes’ hips moved back, over and over and over again. Eventually Nes moved his hand out of the way so they were just grinding against each other, their cocks trapped between their bodies as Nes leaned down and completely covered Cassian’s body with his own, leaner frame. 

“Oh, fuck, don’t stop,” Cassian panted, reaching down to grab a handful of Nes’ ass so they could press together that much better. “So good, Jesus, you feel so good…”

Feeling Nes move against him was giving Cassian all sorts of ideas, mostly about what it would be like if he was fucking Cassian for real. Cassian’s rhythm turned frantic as he thought about Nes holding him down, fucking him hard, making him take it—

Cassian came with a choked off moan of Nes’ name, his come spilling across both of their cocks and setting Nes off. Nes drew it out for both of them until Cassian was squirming underneath him, not stopping the movement of his hips until Cassian was near tears and the pleasure-pain of it, and then the only sound in the room was both of their heavy breathing. 

Nes gracefully rolled off of Cassian and reached for a nearby towel, using it to wipe up their shared come as best he could before tossing it toward Cassian’s hamper. “Move over.”

Cassian didn’t even think to object, his head spinning between the tequila still in his system and the enormity of what had just happened between them. But Nes didn’t seem to be as affected; he just kicked off his wet underwear before delving under the covers. “Night, Cassian.”

Cassian guessed they would just talk about whatever that was in the morning, so he kicked off his own underwear, got under the covers, threw his arm around Nes’ waist, and let sleep take him. Nes’ feet were freezing where they were pressed between Cassian’s calves, but he didn’t mind that one bit. 

✵✵✵✵✵✵

+1

When Cassian woke up the next morning, he didn’t have the faintest clue how things were going to go. Last night had been beyond even his wildest fantasies, but the reality of Nes warming his bed was starting to creep in. 

Not that he had a lot of time to really ponder that, considering Nes was already awake and staring at him expectantly. They’d fallen asleep spooning, but they must have rolled apart during the night given Nes was now facing Cassian. 

Their legs were still tangled together, though. Maybe that counted for something.  

“Hey,” Cassian said hesitantly. He had a solid headache from last night, but he knew even that couldn’t stop this conversation from happening. “Um. Good morning.”

“Good morning,” Nes replied, his voice a little raspier and deeper than usual. It went straight to Cassian’s dick, which was not helping his creeping panic at the discussion they were about to have, though it was certainly another thing to add to his mental list of things Nes did that were incredibly attractive. 

He wasn’t even freaked out at his newfound bisexuality — he’d always thought of himself as open to experimenting, so it was nice to know that hadn’t just been a passing fantasy — it was more that he didn’t want to risk his relationship with Nes. Cassian didn’t know what he’d do without their coffee hangouts, or their text threads, or the way Nes looked at him like he was the biggest idiot on campus. 

“What are we doing?” Cassian asked hesitantly, knowing the only way forward was through. He just had to rip the band-aid off, and if that meant their friendship was done, he’d be okay. Eventually. “Are we… together now?”

“We’ve been together,” Nes said, an adorable frown appearing on his pretty face. Cassian wanted to smooth it out with his fingers. “What do you mean, what are we doing?”

“We’ve been together?” Cassian repeated. He was so, so confused, but also a not-insignificant part of him was incredibly relieved that Nes wasn’t going anywhere. “Since… when?”

“You can’t be serious,” Nes replied. When he realized Cassian wasn’t kidding, his frown morphed into a deep scowl. No smoothing that one out with his fingers. “Oh my God. You are being serious.”

“What are you talking about right now?” Cassian asked, realizing just how out of his depth he was. Had he missed something from before they’d hooked up last night? “I’m not fucking around, Nes. What’s happening?”

“I asked you out after our first lab,” Nes answered slowly, like he was talking to a little kid. “I brought you soup when you were sick, I came to your soccer game — you met my sisters, for fuck’s sake. We’ve been dating all semester, Cassian.”

“Oh,” Cassian said, unable to come up with something more eloquent as a lot of pieces suddenly fell into place. He’d chalked all of that — and the way it made him feel — up to Nes just going above and beyond in their friendship, but clearly there was so much more than that going on here. “Oh.”

“Yeah, oh,” Nes said back, irritated. 

“Is that why you were so mad at Mor that day?” Cassian asked, a light bulb suddenly switching on in his mind. No wonder Mor had said he was being such a dumbass; he owed her a massive apology. “Holy shit, were you jealous?”

“She was touching you,” Nes hissed, that muscle in his jaw working overtime as he thought back to that fateful afternoon. “Of course I was fucking jealous, you idiot.”

“You don’t have to be jealous, Nes,” Cassian replied. He couldn’t stop smiling, and the more worked up Nes got, the wider his grin became. “Mor doesn’t even like men romantically!”

“How was I supposed to know that at the time, Cass,” Nes retorted. 

“This is such a ridiculous argument, sweetheart. Besides, you know how much I like you,” Cass said, immediately gratified at the look on Nes’ face. “Oh, wait, you like that nickname.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Nes immediately denied. Cassian knew it was bullshit from the adorable pink flush spreading across the other man’s cheeks. “Shut up.”

“Nes. Nesseroni. Earn,” Cassian said, running through all of Nes’ other names just because he could. He could do a lot of things now, apparently. “Earnest Nathaniel.”

“Just Nes is fine,” Nes grumbled. “All those other names suck.”

“Sure they do. Hey, do you want to be my boyfriend?” Cassian asked before he could lose his nerve.  

Nes sighed, but Cassian saw right through that from the pleased tilt of his mouth. “Yes. Fine. Whatever.”

“Just whatever?” Cassian repeated with a grin. He shuffled forward until their chests were pressed together and rolled them so he was on top of Nes, very much enjoying this new development. 

“Just shut up and kiss me,” Nes replied. Cassian was more than happy to follow orders, leaning in and closing the distance between their lips. Both of them had morning breath and Nes had a little bit of stubble tickling Cassian’s upper lip, but it was easily one of the best kisses he’d ever experienced. Nes’ lips were softer than Cassian had been expecting, and they parted easily so Cassian could explore with his tongue. The slick slide of their tongues immediately reminded Cassian of the way their cocks slid together the night before, but he forced himself to stay focused. They’d have plenty of time for mind-blowing sex later, if Cassian had anything to say about it. 

“Was that… okay?” Nes asked quietly after a few more minutes of kissing, his gray-blue eyes furiously searching Cassian’s hazel ones for the slightest hint of any discomfort. 

“So much better than okay,” Cassian answered. He didn’t want Nes to have even a single doubt, so he leaned in and kissed Nes again, though they were both smiling a little too much for it to count as a real kiss. “You make me so fucking crazy.”

Nes hmmed and they lazily made out for a while, though it wasn’t with any intent beyond just exploring each other’s mouths. When they eventually broke apart, Cassian just had to laugh at how much of a dumbass he’d really been all these weeks. At Nes’ confused look, Cassian said, “Don’t get mad, but… this whole time I thought you were just really invested in being my friend.”

“You’re actually one of the most ridiculous people I’ve ever met,” Nes said, though the effect was lessened given how pink his lips were from all the kissing. He pushed at Cassian, who rolled over so they were on their sides facing each other again. “Jesus Christ, how were you so oblivious?”

“I just thought you really, really liked me,” Cassian said back, still laughing at himself. God, he was such an idiot. “Platonically, though.”

Nes stared at him incredulously for several long seconds. “Should I be concerned that you thought all the things we did were totally platonic?”

“I figured it out in the end!” Cassian protested. Sure, maybe it had taken a ridiculously long time to come to what felt like a very obvious conclusion, but Cassian wouldn’t change it. Not when he got to be the one waking up next to Nes exchanging good morning kisses. 

“Yeah, after I told you to take your dick out,” Nes responded. He released a long-suffering sigh that absolutely delighted Cassian to hear. “Like I said… you’re lucky you’re cute.”

“Nah,” Cassian said, grinning. “I’m lucky you like me so much.”

His boyfriend — and wasn’t that a thought — didn’t deny it. Instead, Nes graced Cassian with a rare smile and said, “Yeah. Something like that.”

tag list: @perseusannabeth | @bookstantrash | @fieldofdaisiies | @goddess-aelin | @c-e-d-dreamer | @talkfantasytome | @whyisaravenlike-awritingdesk | @sv0430 | @talibunny30 | @unlikelypersonalknight1 | @champanheandluxxury | @lilah-asteria | @burningsnowleopard | @sayosdreams | @readskk | @simpingfornestaarcheron | @bellaful08 | @readergalaxy | @podemechamardek | @pearlfortears | @nerdperson524 | @jmoonjones | @kale-theteaqueen | @autumnbabylon | @hiimheresworld | @illyrianshadowhunter | @dustjacketmusings | @live-the-fangirl-life | @that-little-red-head | @sweet-pea1 | @brieq | @queercontrarian | @jsmelodies | @afflicted-with-wanderlust

[haunting-venus]

who ever said three's a crowd ? ↳ neteyam x fem!omatikaya!reader ( + male oc...)

content warnings | smut ( minors dni ), characters are aged up !, extensive dirty talk ( about a threesome ), talk of mlm/anal sex, slight intoxication, handjob, fingering, p in v

word count: 3108

notes | this is for day three of romancing pandora and i am actually so pleased with how this turns out, let my boy neteyam be bi omg ! this might be cheating a little bit since there is no actual threesome (yet) but there is explicit dirty talk/fantasization about one ! don’t worry you dirty dogs, i am in the process of writing the sequel to this once i am not drowning in school assignments

please feel free to picture zaelnu however you like but this is personally how i see him

na'vi dictionary | sayrìp — handsome ; yawnetu — loved one, beloved person

You were dancing on air as you trailed through the reaches of High Camp, fingers tangled in Neteyam’s as you giggled through the night. You were riding the line between sober and drunk, your extremities pleasantly tingling and feeling a little bolder than usual.

Neteyam wasn’t usually one for public affection beyond linked fingers and fleeting forehead kisses, so you count yourself lucky you’d been able to get your hands on him so much tonight. It felt like forever since the two of you had had any time alone. Neteyam’s duties as future Olo’eyktan became more intense every day, especially with the increasing amount of RDA raids and counterattacks that seemed to grace your home much too often.

It made you proud, knowing your mate was important and competent and helping your clan at all waking hours. It also meant he was gone for long stretches at a time, trudging home tired and dirty. You missed him like hell.

The many lonesome nights and the buzz of fermented juice had made your usually fleeting public touches heavy and lingering. Your fingers traced over the nape of Neteyam’s neck, nails scraping against the roots of his hair, thigh pressed solidly into his side as your lips ghosted over his broad shoulder.

Your probably inappropriate demeanor for two prominent members of the clan was hardly noticeable among the drinking and dancing bodies—families and mated pairs chattered all around, singing and conversing over shared leaves of meat and fruit. To anyone sparing a passing glance, the two of you probably just seemed a little cozier than normal. The warriors had returned from the raid with plenty of wares and no casualties, a feat rare enough that it warranted a little celebration in the midst of war and chaos.

Neteyam was limber and relaxed next to you the entire time, the most relaxed he’d been in ages. His cheeks were tinged dark with the effect of the liquor and the trace of your fingers, his hand dancing dangerously high on your leg and eyes glinting playfully with the light of the fire. You felt heat pool within you at the little challenge in his gaze, your breaths becoming heavier as you let your hand trail down his chest, ghosting along the fabric of his loincloth as you leaned over him to grab another piece of fruit.

The shudder Neteyam let out would be imperceivable if you weren’t pressed so solidly against him, breathing hard through his nose as his fingers tightened on the inside of your thigh. He was just as wanting as you were. It gave you a sense of comfort knowing he had missed your touch as much as you missed his.

You turned a bit on your way back up, hoping to catch the heated look in Neteyam’s amber eyes and instead caught the startled gaze of a young warrior, Zaelnu, across the fire. You felt a hint of shame run through you, ready to run away and hide, before you noted the raw desire staining the archer’s face, eyes near black with what you were sure was want.

You held the man’s gaze for a moment, brow bone raising a bit in playful question before he turned away flushing, immediately busying himself with the roaring conversation between young warriors next to him. It could’ve been an accident, wandering eyes that happened to catch you at the wrong time. Except, now you couldn’t help but clock the stolen glances Zaelnu kept shooting your way, lips wet and swollen as he bit on them, eyes trailing over the clench of Neteyam’s abs and the delicate curve of your waist over the flickering flames.

You pushed Neteyam down onto your bed mats with heated pants, planting yourself into his lap with a desperate pull of your mouths to one another. You couldn’t help the images that flooded your brain as your mate’s hands gripped your hips, his ears pinned back to his head as he gasped into your mouth. Another set of hands roamed across Neteyam’s chest, tracing under his pecs and down his slim hips, a second pair of lips finding the sensitive spot beneath his ear to make him groan between the two of you.

It piqued your memory of something you and Neteyam had discussed long ago, under the light of eclipse with intimate whispers when Neteyam was first coming to terms with liking both men and women. There were many mated Na’vi that brought in a third party into their relationships, either for sexual or child-rearing needs. It wasn’t at all unusual, but he assured you there was no one else better for him than you, that he was completely content as things were. That didn’t mean the idea had been completely abandoned, reemerging at times in dirty fantasies whispered under heated breaths as you worked him in your hands.

You let out a little whine as Neteyam pulled you more firmly into his lap, the bulge of his cock seating between your swollen cunt with a delicious friction. Your lips left him with a wet sound, ducking your head to run your tongue up along his long neck, letting your teeth graze across the muscle there.

“Fuck, love, missed this so much,” Neteyam’s voice with breathy with want, head leaning back against the wall of your shared home as he rubbed his thumbs along the dip of your hips. “You’re lucky no one saw us, with your hands all over me like that.”

A teasing smile edged on your lips, canines glinting as you pressed your forehead to his with a heated stare. “Actually, I think your little archer friend got an eyeful.”

“What—stop joking.” Neteyam goes still under you, eyes a bit wide.

Zaelnu was a talented marksman, tall and lean with kind eyes and dark dreads knotted with chains and feathers. He was a bit sarcastic, but still sensitive, with a remarkable respect for nature and the creatures he hunted. It was clear he admired Neteyam, often seeking his advice before anyone else, but he always stayed respectfully distant.

Neteyam was subtle about his attraction to the younger hunter, keeping up the cool facade of dutiful friend and stoic leader. He had played the role of the respectable eldest son his entire life, always putting others' needs and feelings before his own even if it was to his detriment. It was too bad that you could see through him like a glass window, reading each flick of his tail and flush of his cheeks when he was around Zaelnu for what they really were—desire.

“I’m serious. He looked like he wanted to eat you right up. Don’t you think he’d look pretty, with his head between your legs?”

You can feel Neteyam’s heart quicken under your hand, cock twitching even as he frowns up at you. “Stop it, we talked about this. I love you, yawnetu, I want you. You will always be enough for me.”

“I love you too, Neteyam, always.” You press a swift kiss to his flushed cheek, running a soothing hand down his shoulders. He nervously worried his lip between his teeth, fingers twitching up your leg. “But I know that there are parts of yourself you cannot explore with me, and I want that for you. It would please me to give that to you.”

He grunts as you roll your hips slowly against him, feeling the weight of him against you as you hold his gaze. “My love-”

“Besides, you know I think it’s hot, and I know you’d like it.” You let your hands wander down the ripple of Neteyam’s stomach, feeling him shiver under your light touch. “Come on, sayrìp, tell me.”

You pepper kisses down his neck, hips moving steadily against the bulge of his cock, relishing in the way the swollen head nudges against your clit. You can feel yourself becoming wetter against him, the whining noises coming from his chest and the fantasy spilling from the depths of your mind making fire run through your core.

“I-I’d want him on top of me, stretching me,-hah-just like that, yawnetu, shit.” His canines worry his lower lip, cheeks flushed high as you move to slip his cock from its restraining fabric. He looks borderline wrecked under you, eyes hot and pleading as you run your fingers firmly against the tender spot under his cockhead.

“You’d want him to fuck you?” That hadn’t been quite what you had in mind but it made your thighs clench, imagining Neteyam panting and flushed as he so often had you, sucking marks into your neck as he clenched around the fingers inside him. “He does seem pretty good with his hands. Fuck, would you let me watch? Let me stroke you just like this as his fingers open you up?”

Neteyam makes a desperate sound, ears pinned against his skull as he bares his teeth to your neck. He briefly moves his hands off your waist to the ties of your loincloth, fingers tugging at the knots until the fabric falls free against your legs. He makes quick work of running his thumb through the slickness there, gliding it up and over your clit, making you pant into his shoulder. 

“What if I sat on your face, letting you taste just how hot you make me while he fucks you. I bet you’d be trying so hard to stay focused, making me cum on top of you, but it would feel so good you’d lose it.”

You were trembling on top of Neteyam now, pushing your hips into every slide of his fingers against your throbbing clit. Your words felt like they were spilling from the deepest parts of your brain into the air between you, unchecked and raw as you gasped them wetly into your lover’s skin. Every fleeting thought and shameful fantasy was making itself known, pulling itself from you with every desperate movement of Neteyam against you.

“You think he’d know just how you want to be fucked, or would he ask your advice like he does everything else? Maybe you could use me as an example, your perfect little display of how to properly fuck someone until they’re begging.”

Neteyam groans from deep in his chest, the sound rumbling through you. His slick fingers abandon your clit, just barely teasing the rim of your pussy before stroking deep inside. Your thighs shake around him as you grind wantonly against his hand, nudging his fingers against the spot you crave the most.

“Fuck, oh, yawnetu, would want you on me, your pretty lips on my cock before you get up and kiss him while he fucks me under you. Want him to taste me on you-”

Neteyam’s fingers keep bumping into that soft spot that makes your eyes roll back, pulling desperate mewls and pants from you. His neck is scattered with marks now, little indents of your teeth and blossoming purple spots that he’ll no doubt get teased for tomorrow. It didn’t matter, nothing mattered but the solid feel of him underneath you and the dizzying heat building between you.

An idea piques your mind through the pleasure, crawling its way to the forefront as you feel Neteyam’s fingers desperately pushing you to release. Your fingers trail down his shaft, tracing the throbbing veins with firm touches before rolling his balls into your palm. You can feel liquid courage racing through you, spurred on by the throb between your thighs and Neteyam’s twitching hips. You let your fingers trail behind his balls, the edge of your knuckle rub firm circles into the patch of skin there, stimulating his prostate.

Neteyam’s eyes widen, dark and wanting as he lets out an honest to mother whine as he stares up at you. His cock twitches against you, wetting the spot under your navel with precum as he shifts between pushing closer and pulling away from your touch. You give an awed giggle, heat pulsing through you as you give another gentle rub behind his balls before he’s nudging your hand away from the sensitive spot.

The world shifts as Neteyam pushes you back onto the mats, gripping both your wrists above your head with clenched fingers. The soft fibers stick against your sweaty back as he pressed his weight down into you. You let you a whine as his precum slicked cock slid between your folds, slotting into the seam of you with a steady grind. He was able to get so much more leverage this way, pulling one of your legs high up on his hip to press his cockhead firmly on your clit.

“Fuck, ‘Teyam-”

“Isn’t this what you wanted, yawnetu? Get me all worked up, tease me with your pretty words?” His words were thin and panting even as he tried to gain control over himself, eyes wild as he kissed his way between your breasts and up your neck with tongue and teeth igniting every nerve along your body.

“Just, please, fuck me, I-I need it-want it so bad.”

Neteyam can feel himself losing his grip on himself between the smell of your sex and the dirty video of your fantasies making his mind fuzzy with desire. He releases your hands from above your head, stroking down your body and across your firm nipples. You’re so pretty under him, absolutely soaking and pushing your hips frenzied up into his touch, moaning softly with each flick of his fingers across your breast.. 

“Shit, yeah, pretty girl, I-I’ll give it to you, just let me-”

He pulls back briefly to adjust himself at your hole, fingers tight under your thigh as he lifts your leg to push deeply inside you. You hadn’t felt this desperate in a long time, sensitive and mewling under Neteyam as he screws his eyes shut above you, in an effort not to cum. The air between you was charged, the pressure inside you overwhelming and, fuck, he was so far inside you, pressing right into the spot that made you see stars at this angle.

“Fuck, you drive me insane, sound so pretty like this-hah”

He moves his hips steadily into you, long and deep, moving his fingers down to roll your soft and swollen clit. You can’t help but keen at the touch, fisting your hand into his braids to pull a groan from deep in your lover’s chest.

“Keep touching me like that, p-please love.” You can hear the pleading in your voice, each word sounding more like a moan than a sentence as heat builds up steadily in your core, singing through your clit and up your spine.

You felt a little frantic, gasping huge gulps of air that were pushed out of you in little ah, ah, ah’s everytime Neteyam rolled his hips back into you. He didn’t seem to be faring any better. His gasps are raw and desperate, muscles straining as he holds himself above you, thighs flexing and forearm taut with exertion.

“Fuck, you’re doing so good, love, take me so well, so deep inside.” 

Neteyam is breathless above you, eyes fixed on the sight of your cunt stretching so prettily around him, swollen and wet. His lip is between his teeth, chest heaving with each breath, and it’s so easy to imagine him on his knees just like this, pressed between you and another man, fucking you mindlessly to the same rhythm that Zaelnu is driving his long fingers into his prostate.

“Fuck, I’d w-want you to be in the middle, f-fucking me like this while he fucks you, please ‘Teyam.”

It takes a moment for Neteyam to process what you said, head fuzzy with the impending tightness of his orgasm and the sweet gasping sounds you make each time he pushes into you. When it manifests, the image does him in—being pressed between your legs in the sweet heat of you while Zaelnu stretches him wide, having to fight between pushing back into the tight pull of your cunt or pressing onto the cock splitting him open.

The shock of his orgasm runs like lightning down his spine, hips jutting unevenly and hard into you as heat floods his body and pleasure crests up through his abdomen. Neteyam’s face is lax and panting into your shoulder as he cums, fingers gripping the meat of your ass bruisingly tight as he spends himself inside of you. 

You feel a swell of pride in you as Neteyam shakes above you, cock jerking inside of you with each pulse of his racing heart as he fills you. He prides himself on always making you cum first, it feels nice to turn the tables every once in a while.

His fingers move frantically against your clit, wet and sloppy as he urges you to chase the high together, and you can feel yourself cresting the edge. You feel yourself clenching around his softening cock, pulling overstimulated gasps from Neteyam that he muffles with his teeth in your shoulder.

“Oh my, fuck, yes.” The sting of his canines pushes you to the edge, back arching into the pads of Neteyam’s fingers as he rubs your clit in sweet circles as you fall apart under him.

Your head tips back, digging your blunt nails into the muscle of his shoulder, panting through the twitching of your muscles as Neteyam slowly pulls himself out of you. The air is hot and sticky between you, slowly cooling with the light breeze coming from the opening at the top of your home. 

“Damn, you were really into that, huh?” There’s a teasing edge to your tone, soft and breathless as you hook your leg over Neteyam’s thigh. He pushes his face into your shoulder, feathering light kisses across the curve of your neck.

“Shut up.”

“Oh, come on, you’re so hot when you get desperate like that. I’m just glad my intuition about your little crush was right.” You chuckle sweetly.

He groans and throws his head back, lips curling in a bashful smile as he lets the afterglow of his orgasm wash over him. His fingers trailed down through your hair, rubbing against the back of your neck comfortingly. “I will never live this down, will I? It’s not like I was the only one worked up. Those were some pretty detailed fantasies, yawnetu.”

“I might’ve thought about it more than I’ve let on. It’s hard not to, with how you stare at him like you’re going into heat.” Your cheeks flush a bit, teeth playing with your bottom lip as you giggle at the shocked part of his lips.

“I do not stare.” 

“Uh huh, okay, sayrìp.” You press a kiss to Neteyam’s cheek, trailing your fingers across his arm that’s slung over your waist. “Just saying, he stares at you too.”

tags | @tallulah477 @neteyamsoare @eywaite @torukmaktoskxawng

[haveyoureadthisfanfic]

I'm aroacespec (and honestly confused about where I fall on that spectrum, but I do know I'm sex/romance favorable) and tbh my relationship with shipping is weird.

There are some ships I look at and I'm like "how can you see this as anything but romantic" and there are other ships where I'm like "okay but why do we have to ship them, can't they just be friends?" and it's almost always the total opposite of what the fandom majority's view is. For example, my Sonic "how can you see this as anything but romantic" ship is Espilver, and my "okay but why do we have to ship them, can't they just be friends?" ship is Silvaze.

I will say that something I've noticed is there tends to be a double-standard with allo people (specifically cishet people) when it comes to ships. You get a ton of "why can't they just be friends" with slash and femslash ships, but then those same people will ship a het pairing that look at each other in a single frame. I don't know if it's something that's more obvious to me because I'm gay myself (or even if it's more obvious because I'm aroacespec specifically), but it's weird to me. I choose to look at it this way: if this was a het ship with the same character dynamic, would people still say "why can't they just be friends?"

That's not to say aroace people are in the wrong for looking at a pairing and saying "can't they just be friends? Why do we have to ship them?" but with a lot of cishet people specifically, it feels like there's a lot of people perpetuating a borderline homophobic double-standard. I get it when it's something like Scott and Jay from Ninjago, but so many masc characters' dynamics are canonically given homoerotic or even just romantic undertones (a good example of this being, in my opinion, Sonadow; there's not an almost 3 and a half hour long Sonadow iceberg video on YouTube for no reason. As far as I'm aware it's the longest Sonic-related iceberg video on YouTube that covers exclusively official content) which is why people tend to gravitate towards those ships. I could do an entire analysis on why gay ships tend to have bigger followings than het ships but if I did this would get too long lmao. I will once again point to the Sonadow iceberg video though.

I generally use shipping to explore my own relationship with my aroace-ness, and usually I do that using characters I either headcanon as aroace in some way or who are canonically aroace, because I can relate to those experiences. It's kinda weird to me to see other aroace people acting like doing that is bad or wrong, because usually that's what people are doing, and even if that's not what's going on, fanfiction doesn't affect canon.

There is no right or wrong way to participate in fandom (unless you're harassing people and/or actively putting people in danger), no matter what you identify as.

Basically: People should be allowed to do what they want, if something bothers you that bad there's nothing wrong with blocking a person or tag.

(I might've gotten off subject a few times, sorry lol)

Okay, that thing about blocking tags inspired me to look through my blocked tags to see what ships I've blocked and here's my petty aroace thoughts on all of them without naming names lmao

Fanon het ship. They've never given any indication that they know of each other's existence. Her girlfriend is right there.

Canon het ship. Had the chemistry of two wet paper bags. Literally just shoehorned in there because god forbid any story exist without a romance subplot.

Semi-canon het ship. I'm mostly neutral about them. Just unnecessary.

Fanon mlm ship. Literally brothers?? I don't care that one of them is adopted, they grew up together?? As brothers??

Fanon het ship. I don't care what you call their relationship. You can call it professional, platonic, familial, just please don't call it romantic.

Semi-canon het ship. Again, completely unnecessary. God forbid a man convince a woman to become a villain without there being ~attraction~

Fanon het ship. She is 14?? And he is like 30??

Semi-semi-canon het ship. He did have a crush on her when he was, like, 14 but he's a grown adult now and she's the most lesbian-looking woman to ever exist and they're the most found family siblings to ever find a family

Fanon het ship. LET MEN AND WOMEN BE FRIENDS. LET MEN AND WOMEN BE PLATONICALLY MARRIED.

Fanon mlm ship. I personally see them more as brothers. But whatever floats your boat.

Semi-canon het ship. Just really shoehorned. I don't like the woman very much. I liked her more when she was allowed to be a badass without being a ~flirty badass~

Fanon mlm ship. Again. Adopted brothers. Gross.

Canon het ship. I've seen many things from this director. He's a creative man. He couldn't think of a way to move the plot forward without a smooch?? He couldn't create a series that didn't have an unnecessary love triangle??

Semi-canon het ship. The man isn't coming back for S2 and boy folly gee am I glad

Fanon het ship. Not my cup of tea. Just let them be friends

good lord I have a lot more ship tags blocked than I thought

anyway, this is your daily reminder to just block stuff you don't want to see and move on

[bolognamayhem117]

Title: Rat-holed Memories.

Length: 4500 words

POV: Astarion

Pairing: Astarion/M!Elf!Tav(Rorik), rogue/paladin

Rating: MATURE 18+

Themes: mlm, consent, clarity of expectations, dissociation, manipulation, setting boundaries, light erotica, internal conflict.

Content Warnings: References to rape, incest, broken family dynamics, murder, slavery, mild knife play, anger, emotional outbursts.

Author notes: First and foremost, I created this character on my first playthrough after Robert and I bought the game a year ago. I picked up the controller with zero knowledge of the game's contents after being told you could play as a vampire. I said "That's bold of the developer, fuck it, I'll make Rorik's dumb ass and Smegol my way through the forgotten realms or whatever..." Turns out the person who told me that was referencing the Astarion Origin playthrough. I said "Screw It I'm Doing It Anyway! With the power of IMAGINATION." To my delight and surprise it really wasn't all that hard to use paladin spells, items, scroll hoarding, and armor to very closely model the homebrew build of Rorik the Degenerate Dhampir Sun Worshipping Paladin. He has his own issues which this ficlet hints at. He's cringe, be gentle.

@ghostkingart wrote a post desiring that the fandom wrote more fic about Astarion being denied intimacy due to concerns about intent and whether he's actually in the headspace to do so, with emphasis on his canon tendancy to go somewhere "a million realms away". I thought I could oblige. Digging in my docs for inspiration revealed that I'd basically already written this exact piece, give or take a few details. Decided to put on the Big Boy pants and be brave enough to post this.

I think healing is going to be messy for him. He's a big personality and these are some big complex feelings for a man who's been on the world's shortest leash for 200 years and also has had to solve every problem with either his body or a blade.

This fic also heavily implies that some healing and learning has already taken place so bear with me. Enjoy

“I don't know. It's veiled from me… I can't remember that clearly. Just. Parts… I think so.” Rorik told Astarion.

"Nothing? You remember nothing of circumstance or even who delegated to you at all?” Astarion scoffed and crossed his arms.

Astarion had been warned that some questions he might have may not have much of an answer, for Rorik was good at burying memories too sharp to hold. Knowing of the predilection toward purposeful forgetfulness didn't make this conversation any less frustrating. He wanted to know if Rorik had ever been sent to Baldur's Gate on loan, as Rainar often ordered him to do if a nobleman or another vampire lord bid high enough. He said he'd been to the city during that time, but maintained that he couldn't remember why.

“You want to know if Cazador ever paid Rainar to have someone vanish, don't you?” Rorik asked a new question rather than answer one they both knew the answer to.

“You told me the name Cazador Szarr was familiar, once.” Astarion probed.

“It is.”

“Then you should understand why that would concern me.”

"I do.” Rorik assured him with a single nod as he half-dozed, sprawled on his back.

Silence fell upon them as they lay still but restless in Astarion's slightly tidier than usual tent. Fitting two bedrolls in it necessitated some level of order. Frankly, Astarion hid the trash and used glassware behind his temporary abode. Rorik probably knew where the mess was, but said nothing.

“What would you say if you found out tomorrow that we passed like ships in the night long ago? What would it change?” Rorik inquired, appearing curious toward the demeanor of the bees in Astarion's bonnet.

“I'd ask what Cazador would have paid to have you do. I have to lay there, every damn night, wondering if that bastard sent the Gur down the street where I lost everything. It could just as easily have been you.” Astarion explained irritably. Sometimes Astarion felt like he had to spoon feed Rorik his thoughts. He should be able to string together the pieces by now.

"I have an opinion, Astarion, but it might not be a thought you want reinforced.” Rorik offered with a warning.

“give it.”

The dhampir spoke as if reading off law rather than opinion, the gravity of his tone leaving little room for argument. “Vampires are known to stalk a target for days. You should know, to a point. But lords, or true vampires, looking to create spawn for their own uses are different. They assign much, although sometimes arbitrary or even nonsensical, ritual to their pursuit. I'm certain, if he didn't send the Gur himself, he was already watching your every move for months.”

“...You're telling me he was inevitable.” Astarion muttered with venom and a curl of his upper lip.

“...I'm saying: vampire lords aren't spontaneous.” Rorik clarified.

“Well, all I'm saying is: you're missing my point. I wish you remembered. So I could be sure.” Astarion complained with a flick of his hands in the air above them.

“If it reassures you at all, I know for a fact that Cazador didn't send me. I'd have proper fucking killed you too completely to bring back.” Rorik abruptly stated.

“What!? Exactly what makes you so sure of that.” Astarion spat.

“Beating the guts out of a magistrate but not enough that a vampire cannot turn him sounds like a miserably delicate chore… I was never bought for things like that. I'm too heavy handed.” Rorik asserted bluntly.

In mostly mock hurt, Astarion went on the defensive. “No, I mean: what in the hells makes you think I was an easy mark?”

“Hmm? How much do you weigh?”

“Eh?”

Rorik sat erect to turn and loom over Astarion, arms caging the other as he held himself up with palms pressed flat to the floor by each of the elf’s shoulders.

He huffed through a smile full of sabers, he was about to tease, “Couple sacks of grain, if you were soaking wet, I’d guess. I could toss you over my shoulder and run up a hill without losing my breath. I imagine you wielded a quill and inkpot then. The sharpest thing in your arsenal might've been a letter opener.”

How dare this often bald cunt of a man wear that disgustingly smug grin, smear insults, and manage to be bizarrely charming all the while?

“Wrong,” Astarion rebutted, “men of Baldur's Gate are required starting at age nine to learn archery, and it is short sighted for an individual of my former station not to be prepared for scorned citizens challenging him to a duel over an unfavorable ruling. You would've bitten off more than you thought.” Astarion stubbornly asserted, completely guessing although he wouldn't admit that. He had no idea what he used to do in his spare time as a mortal, or where he lived, or even what his favorite food used to be…

“Hmm, you make a good argument, sure. But your hands wouldn't have known much hardship. Could they have fended off these ragged mits?” Rorik's right hand slid against the reed mat until fingertips found Astarion's elbow, from there encircling his forearm and following its shape until he met a wrist, then the hand he meant to squeeze.

Rorik's hands were square in their shapes, knuckles scarred until the skin remained thick and rough, crooked fingers from many breaks, and strange knots of bone that betrayed how many times he'd fractured his dominant hand as he gripped his sword and struck a shield or armor rather than flesh and bone. Astarion could feel every callus like a knot under the skin of Rorik's leathery palm. Their textures were jagged and would pull runs in fine silk.

Such a gnarled paw might've repelled Astarion a month ago. His always empty guts used to twist at the touch of a victim with hands like these. Those nights and those marks did feel as though they pulled vicious runs in the silk of his skin.

Rorik was just, as per fucking usual, the one outlier. Terrible hands on him, but they squeezed his fingers carefully, they were almost warm, and their textures were becoming nuanced to Astarion's touch. He was starting to think, perhaps, if you queued up ten men of the sword, whose hands were all terrible, he could pick out Rorik's while blindfolded.

He brought Astarion's knuckles to his lips, dragging them across his cheek with a sigh that teased a quick flash of his maw of ruthless thorns.

Rorik's eyes flickered an uncanny glimmer from the candlestick glow, the eyes of a smitten predator fixed to Astarion's equally haunting gaze.

“So soft now, softer still long ago I bet, but not as soft as your eyes.” Rorik cooed down to him from behind a finger he selected to kiss.

It made Astarion's throat itch dryly to hear that. His thirst always doubled when Rorik spoke of his eyes.

The bastard grinned against his hand with too many teeth showing. Rorik's way of flirting and giving a compliment was very different from Astarion's well practiced methods. He was much too frank. Rough cut gems was what the rogue called these moments in the relative privacy of his thoughts. Rorik was getting too cocky, however, so strange charms couldn't go unpunished.

Astarion hooked a heel into Rorik's knee, kicking that load bearing joint out from under him and destabilizing him just enough that the edge of a palm clapped around his jaw easily pulled him over. This allowed Astarion to roll with him, reversing the pin. His dagger, kept tucked under his pillow, was gathered in the lightning swipe of searching fingers and brandished at Rorik's jugular.

And Rorik? He simply went limp and chuckled. The Jackass had offered no resistance and gone slack under him, hands thrown back in surrender. It offended Astarion to be allowed to win their grapple, but Rorik's implicit trust in spite of the blade threatening him always made Astarion ache somehow. The inveterate crank under him snapped his jaws at anything that pressed his boundaries, but never Astarion. Adorable Idiot. To be fair, Rorik knew that these jabs and tussles were only fun and games.

“I was not entirely defenseless, and certainly no guileless lamb. Besides, you were no different than a spaw- pardon, but you were under the complete control of Rainar. If you were ordered to destroy a man without outright killing him, you’d have no choice but to comply.”

“I think you'd remember me. I'm not something you'd mistake for Gur. Unlike some people, I shall not name them, I actually look like an undead wretch.” Rorik shook his head -foolish to do with a blade pressed near to skin- and laughed softly against the cold kiss of Astarion's dagger.

The way the apple of his throat bobbed under the razor edge could wring any vampire’s stomach with hunger.

“...True, but not quite so any longer.” Astarion dragged a finger led by a languid arm from Rorik's navel to the space under his chin.

He meant to tilt this face for a closer appraisal. Rorik's expression changed, glazing over as Astarion's thumb followed the shape of his lower lip.

“You've turned rather pink since we began this little jaunt,” Astarion reminded him.

Interesting creatures, dhampirs. One foot in the grave at all times and a hand clawing a stubborn grip on life. Apparently, if they've been behaving like their undead half they will look the part, but Astarion had yet to observe Rorik feeding. That abstinence from the sanguine was reflected in his freckled, peachy skin. He might've been a touch sunburned across the bridge of his nose and the tip of each notched ear.

Rorik gazed up at Astarion, eyes searching, questing about his shapes. He stared as though he were looking upon that sun god he claimed not to love. Silly beastly thing. Blindly devoted damn fool.

“...Would you let me kiss you?” Rorik breathed.

What could one more impossible moment hurt? Who knew when Rorik would wake up and realize Astarion had no precious light to offer him?

“Mm, just this once, darling,” Astarion hummed with lips pulling into a loose smile. It was his turn to tease.

Rorik waited so very patiently, licking his scar streaked lips with what could be perceived as lewd eagerness, but eyes wide and full of something else that called softly.

Astarion retracted the dagger, slowly, making a show of it as he held it away from their bodies. Then, Casually, as he leaned back and settled his weight over Roriks lap, he allowed the blade to slip from his fingers and pierce the mats and dirt below. He left it sticking there, at the ready, but easily forgotten as he pitched forward to claim his companion's delectable mouth.

Rorik had tried to lift himself to greet Astarion, but palms clapped over his shoulders sent him back to the floor with a hollow thud resonating from his chest. The dhampir let slip the faintest moan of approval as his jaws parted for Astarion, offering the warmth within and the taste of his nightly herb brew. His arms wove themselves all about high elf.

Rorik always squeezed, held, stroked the rogue. It briefly repulsed Astarion that first time, when Rorik held so tightly and explored him so earnestly, but that had changed. The paladin longed to be close. He didn't want Astarion's body, Rorik wanted Astarion. That came with its own new form of revulsion. How could Rorik's standards be so low that he actually wanted all of the filth under Astarion's perfect surface?

Astarion knew the answer to that. He winced silently and masked the upset by delving deeper into the pleasures of Rorik's gasping mouth the moment he was done stealing a breath.

The ex-wife, Zarla, must surely be why Rorik found Astarion an acceptable partner. Astarion himself had uttered the perfect analogy for it once before. When you're accustomed to drinking from the sewer, even plonk is a marked improvement.

Anything at all must be better than being forced to swallow every last drop of misery to survive a borderline incestuous arranged marriage to a complete and whole nightmare of a woman.

Rough fingers massaged up the back of Astarion's neck, soon cradling the back of his head. Rorik seemed to like playing in his hair, since he had none of his own until very recently.

The moment Astarion thought of it, he moved to push his fingers though that scant half-inch of strawberry blond. Rorik had still been shorn up top the last time they… But he'd thought about it, curling his fingers in it, gripping it so tight, using it to shove Rorik's keening face in the pillow to muffle him.

Once, it was their second late night encounter, Rorik had mewled things in a tongue Astarion didn't know, both betraying the wellspring of his faint accent and revealing his patron god. A heathen sun diety which pre-dated Lathandor. That night many moons ago, Astarion had delighted in watching the paladin slap both hands over his gaped jaws to keep that holy name out of his mouth while he behaved profanely.

All Astarion could think about was gripping that short ginger crown and pulling Rorik’s head up from a pillow to hear his name mingling with half formed prayer. Oh, the things which come unraveled from Rorik's disciplined tongue when Astarion fucked him were always delectable. There was something sinfully gratifying in defiling a holy man. It must be the same thing which kept Rorik coming back for more and more of Astarion. He must crave to be engulfed by the elf’s tainted touch, like an addict who craved the deadly bliss in his own destruction.

Astarion slipped his curious tongue between the split halves of Rorik's. Maybe after, he'd ask why the man had his tongue sliced. Could be a faith thing, or perhaps a fun story, but hopefully not another rat-holed memory from worse times. He set aside the thought and chose instead to be gratified in the way Rorik arched under him.

Rorik's hands curled in hair and slid down Astarion’s spine, but that left claw hesitated at his waistband and instead formed a self-restraining fist in the elf's untucked shirt. No, no, he wanted Rorik to go further. He wanted to give Rorik his hit of destroying bliss, keep him close, keep him asleep and unaware of how unfit his favorite “pain in the ass” was for him.

His guts were grinding acid at the wolves playing tug-o-war in his silent chest. Rorik aroused Astarion's dead flesh and dead heart, that was true, but it repulsed him that the only catharsis he could summon for that were the things he could do to Rorik's flesh to lure him closer. It made it feel like working one of his marks, the men and women who’d walk and blush at his side without knowing they were good as dead. This felt like raping himself and Rorik with a predatory false self.

Astarion wanted to sink through the floor into the dirt and become beetle shit, he wanted to make Rorik wail his name, and he wanted to drag all of the beauty in the world through the tar in his soul for revenge. He hated feeling it all at the same time, but most of all, his worm-holed brain screamed to keep Rorik in place, with him, blind to his truth but with him.

Gods, five minutes ago he'd accused Rorik of potentially being involved in his murder, then held him at knifepoint while the fool giggled at the game. It was only a matter of time before he saw it all for what it was. The flailing of some irreversibly ruined creature. But he could keep Rorik coming back...

I just need a little more. Stay a little longer. A few more moments to last me once you-

Astarion flattened himself to Rorik's sprawled body to let him feel the arousal he’d inspired. Putrid. Rorik's lips stretched open to drag in a much needed breath, face screwing up as his head fell back while he was ground upon. He submitted to the desire to crush Astarion closer. His arms would snap taut about Astarion so fast when he became overcome by desire. This yearning squeeze was the signal of victory for Astarion every time. He'd won. Rorik was his. He'd pushed him to the-

Rorik broke from the embrace of their lips and turned his face away, sucking down two great breaths between his words “Solan's tits… Astarion?... Astarion, Wait.”

Rorik's arms loosened from him, then carefully lifted away. He put them at his sides and flattened his hands against the reed mat in a calculated manner. Astarion's command over the situation had slipped away. He could feel warm breath heating his cheek and sense eyes trying to find his own. Astarion didn't meet the other's gaze, he couldn't because he didn't want to see Rorik's bloody concern. It was worse than the most depraved leer.

“What? Darling, you're souring the mood. Wouldn't you rather…” Astarion tried to put them back on course by laying a perfectly placed kiss at the space just under Rorik's right ear.

Predictably, the man shivered at that delicate affection and his hands clapped over Astarion's thighs to apply their crushing squeeze of approval. Gods, you're easy. Right back on the road, like recalling a loyal mutt gone sniffing too far ahea-

The thought nauseated him the moment it completed itself in his head, comparing Rorik to an animal to be commanded. The revulsion turning his stomach gave him pause, stopping him dead in the middle of suckling a decadently soft earlobe between his lips to hiss mournfully.

Rorik's hands pressed over the mound of each shoulder. He pushed slowly, putting space between them. Chaos erupted within Astarion like a crowd of men shouting over one another.

No! Not yet… Gods, thank you… Don't leave!?

Astarion was made to sit up with Rorik as he rose from the mat. He was then seated in the paladin's lap, but there was nothing titillating about it. Rorik's eyes bore through him like drill heads. His stare made Astarion feel naked when they were like that, stripped, but not erotically. He just saw him. Through him. Into him. He used to hate that and it still unnerved him, being seen.

“Astarion, let's talk about this first,” He spoke much too softly, like addressing a sniffling child. It made Astarion feel infantile.

“Talk? Why? Don't you want to forget where we are? For just a moment?” Astarion pivoted, sliding a palm over Rorik's cheek to hook his fingers over the back of his neck, bringing him close again.

If he kissed and nibbled just right, between the scars, Rorik would offer a feed. Bastard loved pain. Probably needed it to get off at this point. A bite would put a stop to this nonsense, all Astarion needed was permission. It was time to bring a sword to a knife fight.

“Ast-... Oh my….- wait, wait! No.” Rorik forced his hands between them again to put a foot of distance between his neck and Astarion's fangs.

Gods damn it. Astarion's stomach twisted, but not out of hunger, at the word no. A word he barely knew how to use. He couldn't ignore it. Rorik had refused him. He had to stop.

“Astarion, I don't-... I want to be told what you want. I don't want to guess. We agreed not to, I want to be sure this is really what you want.” Rorik told him, again too gently, and let his hands settle at either side of the other's waist.

“I would have thought I seemed damn sure of what I wanted eight seconds ago, but I'm starting to think you've gone and robbed me of even that!” Astarion swatted at Rorik's hands to banish them from his body and spat bitterly before he could think better of it.

He’d lost at his own game, all because he couldn't hold his disgust at bay anymore. Rorik must have sniffed it out. Bastard had ruined him. Taken away the one thing he truly was good at. Or good for.

Rorik said nothing and only looked at him, brows pinching and turning upward just as his eyes revealed his exhaustion. Astarion had to look away. It hurt. It was fucking agony to be looked at that way and see how lost Rorik appeared on what to do or say.

I'm projecting. Fuck.

No, Rorik knew exactly what he wanted to do. He'd wanted clarification on what Astarion wanted and expected and asked. Astarion on the other hand…

“I-... I don't know what I'm trying to do.” Astarion lied and told the truth at the same time. Felt disgusting, hiding intentions but admitting uncertainty in the same breath.

“What do you not want to do?” Rorik asked, but Astarion wasn't sure what to make of the phrasing.

Ah! Yes, a reference toward Astarion's lurid tendencies. Yes, he used to pretend to “want” just about anything to hook a mark and gain their implicit trust. Astarion's palm struck Rorik, albeit not as hard as he deserved, upon the creek and jaw to shove him away. Bastard's hands clenched in his shirt on reflex, making escape more difficult than it should be. “The hells is that supposed to mean? Do I have to spell it out for you again?! I played the role of a prostitute. It was all lies and-”

“No no! I meant that: Sometimes it's easier to know what you don't want.” Rorik barely restrained a bellow as he rushed the words past the hand which muffled him. He continued, more mindful of his voice. “Which is. I don't know… Something to go on.”

Gods, Astarion loathed to do it, to let go of the misfired anger, but the wisdom Rorik spoke was sufficient. He felt foolish for the misunderstanding, too, and he burned with renewed anger and irritability. He knew one thing he didn't want, and it left him feeling that he appeared inordinately needy as he dropped his hands into his lap uselessly.

“I don't want to be alone… Tonight I mean. I don't want to be alone tonight.” Astarion admitted part of the problem, painfully.

“And I am happy to resolve that. Anything else you don't want?”

Astarion was reassured, a little. Trying to think about what he wanted was, indeed, fucking impossible. He was too shameful to admit that he was trying to pick up where he left off seducing Rorik for fear he would one day leave him in the absence of sex. Astarion tried to figure out how to tell enough of the truth not to hate himself.

“I don't want to… I don't want to hate it. Sleeping with you. I don't want sex. But I want it.” Astarion gripped Rorik's shoulders tightly and mimed jerking him close, but his eyes soon had to crush shut to hold back tears. “...But I can't. The thoughts, the loathing. It comes when I used to be able to just. Put myself away and do what I came to do.”

Rorik's hands covered the back of Astarion's fingers where they pressed red marks into his shoulders, pulling them down to be held tightly between their bodies. Thumbs stroked over his knuckles so tenderly. It was far more than Astarion felt he deserved.

Rorik kept his eyes on their entwined hands. “I understand, I think.”

“I don't… Want to treat you like a victim. But I don't want you to..-” he lost his words in his throat.

Rorik lifted Astarion's left hand to his lips, as he so often did. He was starting to wonder if the man had a hand fetish. “You can tell me anything, I swear that I'll try to understand. What don't you want me to do?”

Why are you good to me?

“I just. Don't want you to leave… Tonight.” Astarion wasn't ready to tell Rorik that he was waiting for him to wake up one morning jaded and too exhausted from this game to carry on playing it.

lips pressed to the inside of Astarion's wrist. “Then you have me until Sol calls me to prayer, and then you'll have me again if you wish it. And you may do, or not do, whatever you like with me... And changing your mind is perfectly legal."

That made Astarion's chest tight. Bastard was getting too good at quelling the storms in Astarion's head. It scared him, the possibility that Rorik could use that new talent to manipulate just as he'd been manipulated. Drag along the carrot of innocent affections. But, to gain what? Rorik had offered it countless times with almost no gain. He just didn't seem work the way Astarion did.

I don't deserve this.

At least, for now, Astarion knew what he wanted after a moment more watching Rorik tenderly worship his hand with a savage mouth. He longed for more of that specifically.

“Would you let me kiss you?” He parroted, then added after another moment of careful thought, “...I want that. With certainty. I want to kiss you until our lips bruise, actually,”

Rorik smiled in Astarion's favorite way. His head tipped to one side while a silent laugh left him through a grin which pressed his eyes closed.

“I could gladly piss away the whole night with that if you let me, you should be careful what you wish for,”

“Oh? You're dealing with a professional. I doubt you'd last ten minutes.” Astarion goaded.

“Sounds like grounds for a bet. Loser has to be the big spoon.” Rorik taunted back.

“Done,”

Arms clenched tight under Astarion's weight, scooping him under the rump to smash him close. Rorik slotted his face under Astarion's chin for a kiss at the join of his clavicle.

“Cheeky,”

“You never specified where I was to kiss you, care to offer further instruction?” Rorik murmured into his skin.

Smart bastard, “You're tricking me into setting boundaries again, aren't you?”

“Yep,” was Rorik's shameless, one syllable admission of guilt.

“Fine, nothing below the neck.”

“And not my ears, please.” Rorik added.

“... Because that gets you-”

“Unreasonably hot, yes.”

A kiss brushed under Astarion's left jaw as Rorik's arms relaxed to let him sink again. It made him shiver.

“So, we have an accord?” Astarion had to beg one more assurance just because he knew he'd be given it freely.

Lips pressed dryly over his own before he got his answer. “Yes,” he heard right before another peck landed right between his eyes, followed by a chuckle.

“This isn't exactly what I had in mind.” Astarion complained softly, unsure what to do with the squirmy, restless feeling in his core. Rorik was being too endearing. That's what got them into this mess. Fucker kept making him feel- well…. Making him feel.

“Then, I will require another round of your instruction on how, precisely, Mr. Ancunin wishes to be kissed?”

“Gladly.” Astarion promised.

[bell4lan]

Quality Time

Genre: Fluff and crack (?) idk it's silly

CW: mentions of heats, suggestive dialogue, very dialogue heavy, hickies (only suggestive thing that happens i promise), talks of sex, mpreg mentions but its not canon, breeding mentions, i swear this is a fluff fic they just had some talks abt dirty things

DNI: NON-MLM/NBLM, fujoshis, mlm/nblm fetishizers

Character(s)/Reader: Tighnari and GN reader but I wrote it with men and non-binary people in mind, 1 Kaeya mention

The sound of your backpack hitting the floor filled your bedroom as you flopped onto your bed. You were wiped from the class you just had, not even because it was hard, but because of how far it was from your dorm. It started snowing right before class ended, which meant you had to tread through snow for a long distance. It wasn't like you could've drove since Tighnari took your car to visit his family.

Speaking of Tighnari, he was coming back today. You wish you could get excited, but you were exhausted. The snow really did a number on your already sore legs.

You heard the front door jiggle as someone unlocked it. Only one other person besides you had a key, so you weren't panicked. You heard the front door shut and things shuffle around for a while. You knew it was Tighnari getting unpacked and changed.

You heard footsteps coming towards your room and saw your gorgeous boyfriend walk in, dressed in a hoodie and shorts since the heater was on.

You turned on your back and held out your arms to him. "Hi baby, I missed you." You said to him as he laid down on you.

"I missed you too (Name)." He kissed your lips passionately and you gladly returned it. You wrapped your arms around him and pulled away asking him about his trip. You played with his hair as you listened to the stories he told about his family. You couldn't help but smile when you heard him stumble over his words when you started petting his ears.

He stopped talking after a bit and relaxed on you, almost falling asleep from how comforting your pets were. He started nuzzling more into you when suddenly, his head shot up and his ears laid back.

"What's wrong?" You asked while rubbing his lower back. He glared at you and put his face in your neck, licking and biting it.

"Wh- Tighnari what is up with you." You squirmed slightly from the feeling of him sucking on your neck and saw his tail wagging more than usual. He was never usually like this, he usually waits for you to initiate stuff like this.

"G-gosh are you in heat or something?" You joked as you felt him leave more marks.

"That's not til June." He mumbles, completely serious with his answer. You pulled him away from your neck so you could be face to face with him.

"Wait...you actually have heats?" You asked sort of wide eyed.

"Y-yeah..." He looked off to the side, ears still down and tail calming down.

"But you said no when I asked you before." You faked a pout when you realized he lied to you.

"It's embarrassing to admit every once a year you feel this primal need to breed." He said as he laid back down on you.

"Need to breed? Gosh Tighnari you're so dirty." You teased as you went back to rubbing his back. He glared at you again, though this time it was paired with a red hue on his face.

You started petting his ears again trying to get him to calm down. "Can you tell me why you decided to attack my neck?" You laughed out.

"I smelled someone else on you..." He mumbled a bit shyly.

"Huh? Who?" You asked. You had been hanging out with your friends a lot, but it's not like you had done anything with them (iykwim).

"That one blue haired pirate guy." He growled as he gripped onto your hoodie. You started laughing at his spot on description.

"Oh my god, Kaeya? I guess that makes sense, I did have to carry him home when he was drunk. That wasn't long after you left though and i've taken so many showers since then. Can you really still smell him?" Tighnari relaxed as he heard your explanation and started explaining that he had a way better sense of smell than non-hybrid people. You already knew that of course, but you didn't know it was that much stronger than non-hybrids.

"Did you think I did anything with him?" Tighnari shook his head.

"No...I just hated smelling someone else on you." He confessed, not looking at you. You smiled and gave him a kiss on the head. You started teasing him about his jealousy and possessiveness earning a defensive Tighnari in return.

You both had calmed down and cuddled with each other for a bit. It was relaxing, until you broke the silence.

"Sooo...when you're in heat do you feel the need to breed others or be bred?" Tighnari's faced became a bright shade of red and he hid his face in your chest, flattening his ears again so they don't bother you.

"Ughhh I knew i'd regret telling you." He groaned.

"Hey i'm just curious!" You defended in a light hearted tone. You kept encouraging an answer until he finally responded.

"I...don't have a preference. It depends on how I feel at the time." He said, voice shaking from embarrassment. You nodded and asked more questions about his heats, making him even more flustered than he was. He knew you were genuinely curious under all the teasing, so he answered your questions the best he could.

"Can you be bred?" You jokingly asked. He didn't seem to get your joke until a few seconds after.

"Are you asking if I can get pregnant?" He hissed.

You just giggled and he stared at you like you were the dumbest person alive.

He sighs, "Of course not you dummy." He flicked your forehead and you whined out an "ow". He kissed the spot he flicked, making you smile at him.

"Could I ever help with your heats?" You asked in full seriousness.

"What? No."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to bother you or depend on you. Plus, I might get used to it and who knows what will happen if we ever break up." He explains. When he said the last sentence, he got a sad look in his eyes.

"Hey if you think you can get rid of me you're wrong." You said as you attacked his face with kisses. Tighnari couldn't help but smile and laugh softly. Once you stopped, you flipped the both of you over so you were hovering over him. His ears twitched in curiosity.

"I love you." You whispered as you admired his looks, lips almost touching his.

"I love you too." He breathes out and connects his lips to yours. You both kissed each other lovingly, not wanting to break the beautiful kiss.

Eventually, you did pull away to catch your breath, making Tighnari frown.

"Now it's your turn to get marked." You said playfully. Tighnari's ears twitched again at your words.

"I guess it's only fair." He said with a smile and exposed more of his neck.

---------------------------------------------------

I had to look up when foxes go into heat for this fanfic so you guys better like it.

[messiahzzz]

There's nothing light hearted about it. You're all hell bent on driving marginalized people out of fandom unless they bow to you all's supremacy and dominance. I for one have deleted my blog and will not again be engaging in the BG3 fandom because of how you treat anyone who don't submit to fem!Tav/Gale dominance, I hope you're all proud of yourself.

i had to read this a few times and i genuinely still don’t understand why you would send this to me of all people???

i have always been a strong advocate for more fan content that portrays gale in mlm/queer relationships. there is literally nothing on my blog that would indicate the opposite. in fact, i have repeatedly addressed gale’s bisexuality in the past [x] [x], as well as called out the biphobia & heteronormativity within the fandom. this particular topic is an issue i feel very strongly about since it affects the experience & inclusion of many queer people within the fandom. all of the romance related content i post strictly refer to tav with gender neutral pronouns. the only exception is when i happen to talk about my own ocs, but even then they are usually directly referred to by name.

i have no interest in urging people to “submit to the fem!tav/gale dominance” as you put it or to push some sort of agenda. if anything, i’d say it’s quite the opposite. people can do with their ocs whatever they wish, it’s none of my business and frankly, neither do i care. have fun to your hearts content.

“You're all hell bent on driving marginalized people out of fandom / I hope you're all proud of yourself.”

……….who is this collective intent on sowing misery that you speak of? i am honestly perturbed by the mental gymnastics you have to do to come to the conclusion that calling out continuous plagiarism backed by explicit proof & references is actually just an act of veiled queer/transphobia. a good chunk of the fanbase are queer themselves and/or pair gale with a male oc! creating this narrative that fandom chose to single out this one specific person with the goal to “bully them off the platform”, for several people to (independently!) go through the trouble of faking receipts and evidence, solely on the basis of this person’s gender identity/their preference for mlm content is hinting at a persecution complex to say the least. quite frankly it just seems like a ploy to deflect from the issue at hand. this isn’t about “alienating & bullying” people to the point they decided to leave the fandom, in this particular case it is about escaping responsibility & refusing accountability.

deciding to distance yourself from the fandom for your own mental health is a decision you’re neither forced to announce nor one you will receive judgement for. it remains everyone’s respective responsibility to curate their experience. if spending time in this space doesn’t bring you joy for whatever reason, it’s more than okay to take a break or leave entirely to move onto more pleasant things. in the same sense, you should never feel pressured to engage or interact with anyone. you are free to block at the slightest offense and do whatever feels right for you.

[maoam]

I'm sorry for this long ass ask. I just wished to get a bit this out of my chest. Feel free to delete it if you would want to feel a bit more positive!

As you said once, if I remember correctly, there is no one more mysoginistic in fandoms (especially shonen) than the het shippers rather than the "fujoshis." In my personal experience, at least, I rarely have seen people hate a girl because she is in the way of their mlm pairing. But I have seen in het ships women be especially vile with their words like slut shaming, body shaming (flat chest vs busty discourses).

Especially in the Naruto fandom, I don't understand why NH and SS stans have to be on the march of war against each other, or why pit their favs against each other when they clearly are "not in the way" of their respective pairings, or even harass all other ships. In fact, I Hinata and Sakura are even in friendly terms. If not outright, they don't care about each other's existence for most of the time, I think?? So why so much catty?

Sometimes, I visit NH/SS/NaruSaku blogs out of curiosity, without doing anything but looking. Usually their content is all about shitting on other pairings but just that. They don't support other creators who appreciate the pairings, like writers or artists. Just shit on the rival pairing while be like "unlike that shit, this pairing has sense and is better". Like, they are more obsessive about what they hate rather than what they love. Absurd.

I have seen people call Sakura a cumdumpster (I swear to god that word-) and Sarada a hoe/slut, and considering Sarada is like 12 to 16 years old... well, it weirds me out. Or shame on the fact Hinata is a busty woman and usually that's the only bad thing they can say about her that comes to my mind, along with other slut shaming.

Or the weird obsession Sakura fans have about Sakura's body, like "THIS IS WHY SHE IS NOT FLAT." Why do you care so much if she's beautiful anyway?

I can go long but I won't because it sounds kinda frustrating.

But why can't these people just... stay in their planes? And ignore each other? Or if they love their one true pairing, just support artists or recommend fan fictions they like, or heck do something themselves and create a more positive environment not only for the fandoms but for themselves as well. Because most of the time, they go on anti - or pro tags and just harass people who think differently like they do with you or sneezemonster-

Again, sorry for the rant, and thank you if you had the patience of reading. Bless your day and keep doing what you do! What you write is always interesting to read <3

People mistake fujoshis (or just people who ship gay pairings) complaining about the het ships having no mutual development/how the female character in said ship has no individual development/revolves only around the guy she likes as "hating on the female character/misogyny". Which it isn't. Sure there might be couple who are misogynists, but that really isn't what I usually see. Meanwhile het shippers are indeed very vile in their ship wars.

"I don't understand why NH and SS stans have to be on the march of war against each other, or why pit their favs against each other when they clearly are "not in the way" of their respective pairings"

Because to them shipping is also a contest, and everyone is their competitor. They need to show everyone how they ship the best ship or how "their girl" is the best girl of the show. NH will talk about how Hinata is more "fertile" than Sakura (which is really misogynistic), how she is the heiress, how she is the richest girl in Konoha (lol). All very shallow things, none of them she even earned. And SS will go out of their way to "prove" Sakura is better looking than the other Naruto girls, because somehow that matters more than Sakura not having any dignity in the story... And yes, SS's crazy need to prove Sakura is not flat, sometimes they straight up edit Kishimoto's drawings so she would have a bigger chest.

This is also why these especially crazy people don't flock to shojo as much, since shojo doesn't usually have as big of a mainstream audience as shonen. And maybe they are addicted to one-sided interaction, because they relate to it? They can't relate to a female character that has reasonable feelings?

But yeah, recently I have seen a lot of Historia hate and it's all "she's spreading her legs to the farmer", "Whorestoria", "even her whore mother didn't like her", "blonde whore" and so on from certain het ship fandom. But sure fujoshis are the worst ones for saying Mikasa's character revolved too much around Eren...

[scarfacemarston]

Hi there! I'm kind of new to the fandom and was curious if you had any tips on how to get new followers.

Hey! I'm going to assume you mean Red Dead Redemption. I wish I could help, but I don't really know anything. I will say, be careful to not focus on popularity. I'm not saying that you are! Everyone wants followers! But I've seen people focus entirely on that and that always leads to disappointment. I think engagement is far better. I'd rather have 50 followers that like or comment on my stuff than 500 followers who don't interact with me at all. Unfortunately, I don't really have any advice except that if you produce content with the following, you may receive more engagement or followers: * Write for Arthur, Charles or Dutch. They are the most popular characters. John, Javier, Sean and Kieran are the next most popular. Sadie is the most popular woman. Molly seems to be a close second according to a poll I just did on my blog. * Charthur is the most popular ship with canon character ship. (Meaning, it's with canon characters.) (Charles/Arthur.) * Reader x Arthur is by far the most popular pairing in the fandom. Usually it's female reader x Arthur. * Smut is always popular * This is just me - but I feel like people don't like long posts. People are used to short and snappy like on twitter. I write really long posts and I think that turns off people. * MLM relationships are popular in general. VanderMatthews is another popular ship along with Jovier (Javier/John). Just be careful not to fetishize. * There is a lot of racism, homophobia and transphobia in the fandom. If you write anything with POC, transgender or other LGBT+ content, you might receive flack for it. * Be aware that WLW content or women centered writing tends to be ignored. * Be supportive of other content creators. It's a way to make friends /mutuals. * Be aware that a lot of people do NOT "like", reblog or comment. It just is what it is. BUT other posts that you'd think wouldn't matter gets massively popular and things that you put a lot of effort into may not receive the reaction you were hoping for.

I'm Abigail focused and focus a lot on WLW content. I also write extremely long posts like this one, so I'm personally not what's "popular" on tumblr. However, hopefully something here helps.

[bluedalahorse]

wlw in the sad swedish teens show: some thoughts

I’m going to share some stedrika thoughts, not as a meta, just as a kind of… sharing of my unsolicited personal opinions. There was a thread going around with some idea-provoking discussion, but I also feel like I’d be hijacking said thread if I weighed in. So I figured it was better to make my own post and chat there.

So I’m aro ace, but I also kind of identify with the label sapphic. I’m more gray ace than full ace, and that grayness of ace identity is 90% of the time directed toward women. I was in a romantic-sexual partnership with a woman for 2.5 years before figuring more things out. (Also, my ex was pretty toxic, so there was that.) I attended a single-sex college, continue to hang in groups of women today, and just generally exist in a social culture that leans more sapphic/wlw, homosocial, and ace. Probably the most masculinity-dominated experiences I have are logging onto my dash and watching fandom interaction that is a lot more mlm-focused than the rest of my life.

In the gap between seasons 1 and 2, I wasn’t hoping for stedrika as my wlw representation. I was hoping we would get gay or bi or ace or otherwise queer Felice. It isn’t too hard to make up a queer narrative for Felice. She connects with Wilhelm, who’s also figuring himself out, and we know how it is with the queer kids all finding one another even before they fully understand themselves what’s going on. Felice’s pursuit of Wilhelm and then pivoting to August also feels like she’s hitting the two ends of the spectrum of compulsory heterosexuality. Wilhelm is that nice, approachable boy where it’s easy to convince yourself you have a crush on him, because who wouldn’t? Also he’s a prince! August is that guy where you’re like “well if the idea of dating men is generally unpleasant all around, then dating the most unpleasant one is doing heterosexuality right, isn’t it?” Felice’s mom also puts a lot of pressure on her about boys (and that line about whose babies are royal feels like it’s something Felice would have been told growing up) in a way where you can parallel it to Kristina putting pressure on Wilhelm. There’s a lot of good queer and wlw material to work with for Felice! And I’m glad fandom hasn’t entirely given up on that, even if it doesn’t seem like canon is going that direction. (Send me your gay Felice fics where she’s the center of the story, btw. Send themmmm.)

Stedrika as wlw representation brushes up against the archetype of two femme best friends who are also roommates, one of whom is secretly pining for the other, one of whom may or may not be pining back. That archetype in its requited form is… not my favorite wlw archetype. I don’t mean I hate it, but I do mean I’m pretty “meh” about it. I read a lot of YA fiction, for both personal enjoyment and career reasons. Best-friends-to-lovers wlw comes up a lot, especially in stories where a wlw couple isn’t the center of the story. It can be enjoyable for me, if the characterization is complex enough overcome the trope itself. But I can’t help noticing how many mlm YA stories let a boy crush on the hot new boy, or someone outside his usual social circle, whereas the message for girls is “the one for you has been near you all along! Girls achieve an adventure by clicking their heels and saying There’s No Place Like Home!”

I understand that the sapphic girl with a crush on her bestie is a trope that has some basis in reality, and for some folks it can be really empowering to see those kinds of pairs get a Happily Ever After together. I also think it can be empowering for the female character with the sapphic crush to come to the realization (either through rejection or other circumstances) that her bestie isn’t going to like her back that way, but she does understand herself better now. And she’s going to use that knowledge to build herself up and explore new values and seek out new wlw relationships and join the queer revolution. Hahaha you can tell what sort of storyline I prefer. Truth be told I would be more interested in a story where Fredrika doesn’t requite Stella’s feelings and Stella has to reinvent herself than I would a story where suddenly they love each other. I’m sure the YR writing team would make the latter interesting too, but if they gave me a choice between the latter and the former and promised they would be equally well written, I’d pick the latter.

Here’s the other thing about stedrika. I don’t entirely find them boring. I do like them! This is going to sound like me being a problematic queer, maybe, but… I like the fact that they’re mean. Not in a “you go girl!” sort of way where I’m cheering on their meanness and tendency to gossip. I don’t want them to stay mean. But I do find it interesting that Stella at least is hiding some part of her authentic self, and she and Fredrika haven’t gotten to discuss something honestly, and the price they pay is lashing out at others for their authenticity, especially their authenticity around romantic feelings. I think there’s some interesting narrative questions to explore then, in terms of how do you learn to embrace others and yourself? What toll does it take, being closeted? How do you empower yourself within structures that are harming you—is hurting other people going to do it? Like gosh, that’s a whole character arc! I also think it’s really interesting how Lisa and the writing team have addressed the role that misogyny and assumptions around sex and physicality play in oppressing wlw queer folks. Like that whole discussion around what counts as “real sex” and losing one’s virginity that we see at Sara’s birthday sleepover. That was interesting to see play out onscreen and I’m glad they went there! (Send me your fics about messy stedrika, send themmmm. Send these girls on some kind of journey.)

Anyway, I’m also glad that stedrika is not the only wlw representation we have in Young Royals. Because we also have Rosh, who I absolutely adore with every fiber of my being. Rosh isn’t white or upper class, and she’s more tomboyish and comparatively less femme. She talks about her rebound after dating Yasmin/Yasmina, and there’s this wonderful sapphic chaos quality to it. She’s an openly queer girl in a best friendship with an openly queer boy, and you can tell that she and Simon lean on one another and probably came out to one another in middle school. (I think I have read this fic a few times, but I will always read more of it!) I love Rosh’s sense of justice and how committed she is to athletics and making sure Simon succeeds on the rowing team even if, as we all know, rowing isn’t a sport. Overall Rosh feels very specific and that makes her very real. Also I can’t resist a confident soccer lesbian, obviously I imprinted on Keira Knightly and Parminder Nagra in Bend It Like Beckham like every other queer girl born in the late 1980s.

Anyway. I actually think YR has a ton to offer us in terms of potential wlw representation, and interesting stories and characters that can be explored. (It has a lot to offer us in terms of female characters, period. I wish I had the time and fandom knowhow to create a female character centered ficathon. Is there any interest out there?)

The weird thing is I don’t know if I would feel confident writing this post at all if I hadn’t put in over 100k words of effort in fanfic for this fandom, most of it from female characters’ POVs. Some of that is het, sure, but I’m really, really proud of the sapphic self-discovery arc we gave Felice in Heart and Homeland. We let her struggle with her feelings at a time when she didn’t have the vocabulary for her feelings. We let Felice have a 19th century romantic friendship with Sara while also having sex and romances with other women, because lesbians can do both dammit. We let her kiss other women on the page, and do additional things beyond kissing also on the page. She was the first character we upped our rating to M for! We let her have friends-with-benefits hookups (because wlw characters shouldn’t always have to meet their forevergirl in their first girl) and we’re developing a new relationship in the upcoming chapters. (Okay, we did accidentally erase stedrika, because we wrote the first 19 chapters of our fic before season 2, and made occasional blink-and-you-miss-it references to a Stella/Henry sideplot. But let’s just say additional things are happening in the coming chapters.) I’m really happy with Felice’s storyline. I’m also happy that for a long time, I was the kid in fandom sighing and wishing there was more femslash, while feeling bad bad because I hadn’t written any myself. But now I have, and it feels a bit like achieving a Life Goal. I’m proud of myself!

And if you want to write femslash of your own, but you’ve always been a little scared or unsure of how to start? Hi. I’ll be your sounding board and your biggest cheerleader, if you want that. Tell me and we’ll have a lot of fun planning and writing! I BELIEVE IN YOU AND YOU ARE AMAZING.

[victimsofyaoipoll]

alright time to write an essay detailing whatever yaoi has done to my girl nancy wheeler. so like, even when it comes to yaoi shippers nancy has had stonathan, harringrove, AND steddie over four seasons with steddie already having massive popularity + the other shippers, wheras thankfully eleven only has to deal with byler shippers when it comes to the victimization. but not to diminish eleven any more because she has def gone through it in fandom, im going to get into nancy's stuff: you will notice all three ships she supposedly gets in the way of (ignoring jargyle because the shippers are chill in my experience) involve steve harrington, AKA the most popular character if i had to guess and the white boy of the month. see, they were dating at one point in s1 and s2. the breakup was messy. like he kinda was complicit in her slutshaming at one point and didnt let her grieve her dead best friend properly and she ambiguously (as in nobody can fucking decide when the break up was) cheated on him so yeah. messy. mutually. if not more on steve's side given he was a bit of an asshole in s1-2 but gets better. yadda yadda fast forward to harringrove in particular, AKA steve x the guy who attacked a black child and abused his younger sibling (and im not attacking anyone thats just. what happened). basically 90% of them try to convince people nancy is abusive for the two arguments that occurred and is a slut and privileged (never mind steve being probably the most well off member of the main cast + hes a white guy in the 80s) blah blah blah. also ironic they call her abusive OFTEN when billy (one half of harringrove) kinda like threatens his sister max and breaks her things and otherwise abuses her Often. but yeah. they hate her for breaking his heart. they hate her for getting in the wya of their ship possibly. they hate her in general. add that to the general fandom misogyny and suddenly a large number of people are writing essays about how much they hate her and how she's a piece of shit, actually. fast forward to s4 and steddie and a new problem arises: steddie shippers keep flooding her character and ship tags with primarily steddie. so now your options regarding her are mlm ships and mlm shippers shitting on her. also keep in mind there is now more content for half of that ship, a guy who shows up for an hour and dies in the same season, than nancy, a mc. and if you like nancy ships like jancy or ronance, too bad those tags are flooded as well. as in someone did analytics in august for ronance i think and at one point the majority of main pairings in the ronance ao3 tags itself was steddie. either way both ships usually end up as side ships or bait into a steddie centric fic or tumblr post. or nancy ends up third wheeling and getting them together. as a nice bonus (not really) recently steddie shippers have decided that they too hate nancy and have entire posts and common plots (i have seen tumblr ficlets/hc's and people discussing this as a common trope for steddie fics on ao3) about how nancy was a horrible person who damaged steve's self esteem and ability to be in a relationship or something from a break up, as if the relationship wasnt mutually harmful and compounded by nancy's whole dead best and possibly only friend thing. and whoops for ships like ronance that isnt allowed either because steve's friend isn't allowed to interact with his ex despite the fact that said friend literally said he was an ass in the s1-2 timeline. all of this making it impossible to find any positive content without it being interrupted for a character who, if i remember correctly, has almost as much screentime as eleven (and eleven at least has popular fan content and other ships that dont somehow loop around to byler/mike). and whats worse is that while canon doesnt have yaoi victimization it does have heteronormative bullshit in which she is forced into a love triangle with the same guys TWO TIMES. she literally cant win so let her win a poll maybe also sorry this is super fucking long <3

Whoooo Nancy

[strawberryjamsara]

thots on naoreko? (I'm predictable)

Naoreko has tons of content both in and out of game. From the sketches, to “you don’t like my make up?” to Reko’s constant need to protect Nao even as she grows strong and the famous “I’m glad I got to meet you.” It’s probably the closest thing to a healthy relationship the game offers.

Now the fandoms treatment of these two has me a little sour because they are two different versions.

Naoreko in the fandom is basically a different pairing, being toted around as the dreaded “mean lesbian nice lesbian” stereotype, or just as a background couple to whatever your Alice pairing is doing (usually shinalice.) the disrespect and mistreatment of wlw pairings is immeasurable

Nao is WEIRD. She is not just the “soft art lesbian” people reduce her to. She’s strange, loud, in your face, and Reko would NEVER call that weird in any way (not that anyone makes her but they usually ignore Naos weirdness). Reko is a giant sweetheart who thinks Nao is the coolest person in the world, gets nervous Nao isn’t interested, protects this girl who is probably holding a bat behind her with a slow growing smile in all honesty.

Because Nao did LOTS OF STUFF. She worked with Shin the groups most hated person, and tricked Sara! She KILLED EVERYONE in one route of the game! And you know the massacre route could be a really interesting source of conflict between the girls! What would Reko’s feelings be about that explored in a deeper way? She can’t fault Nao for wanting to survive but betraying and killing everyone? Man ever think how Nao only confesses to stealing the tokens for the sacrifice trade in Alice route because she can’t bear confessing to Reko she robbed her brothers corpse to pass a guaranteed death card to someone else? It’s fascinating angst material!

Now look at the fandom. Have you seen that post about designated lesbian syndrome? Because that’s what they are. Background lesbians for your mlm pairings. And that’s a version of this couple I’m not interested in.

[cybergoth-damsel]

On one hand I think the way people talk about fanfiction and "cishet fujoshis" is often really dismissive. There are lot of really interesting things you can do when you're responding honestly to a piece of art without dressing it up as "inspired by" etc etc. A piece of media being an unsanctioned use of the characters therein does not intrinsically deny it value, even if it is assuming you're familiar with the characters and setting.

I also think people are too confident in their assertions that mlm pairings in these spaces are only consumed in an exploitative way by cishet women. I don't have statistics for you, but it feels too indulgent to presume that there haven't been cishet-appearing people exploring their own queerness through the proxies of fanfiction since the halcyon days of handprinted Spirk slashfic on sale at cons. You can't know someone is cishet just from how old or embarassing they are. Not every gay or gender non-conforming person is out here keysmashing, and we don't actually have anything to gain by attempting to police how that space handles gayness. Only the terminally online think that the biggest obstacle to gay rights are the "freaks on ao3" harming our optics.

ALL THAT BEING SAID...

The way fandom as a larger animating force always funnels popular stories into yaoi machines can make any mild mannered story-liker into the joker. Myself included.

I just hate the way we talk about it.

The modern internet is a sieve that elevates the most widely appealing "content" to the top - so even deliberately counter-culture stories eventually get kneaded into consumable bite-sized pieces. This informs the intake pipeline that people follow into fandom spaces, and then resurfaces as those people regurgitate those expectations in their own fan work. Over and over. It's Disco Elysium yaoi the whole way down.

The marriage of the internet and capitalism necessitates the fujoshi. She is their sparkling, bright-eyed child.

Even initially deviant forms of engaging with art must be broken down into camps and markets to be sold to and exploited. Make something that manages to be popular despite challenging the norms of its ecosystem and it will eventually be chewed until it is no longer challenging. I genuinely think a similar method of consumption would emerge even if you thanos snapped everyone who knows the word.

I just think it's stupid to pretend that "cishet white women" are to blame for something that resembles similar regurgitation in every other consumer-oriented space. Are there annoying people claiming that Marvel's Avengers Boylove is owed the heritage and respect of ancient greek myth? Absolutely. So many. So so many. But as usual the annoying loud people are a distraction from a much more holistic problem. They're also often pretty vulnerable, so I dunno.

[joanna-lannister]

b + i + m + q + t

i'm here to disctract you!! 🤍

AAAH THANK YOU SO MUCH JENNA ❤️🥰✨ You're truly the best!

B: A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind.

Hmm, Robb and Margaery was kinda a ship I didn't consider before seeing edits on Tumblr, but the one I really like is Robb and Dany 👀 I remember reading this ship a long time ago in Jonsa fic (can't remember the name of this fic tho lmao rip), and I was like "Oh yeah, that's a good one".

I: Has tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

Not really? I kinda dislike most of the Game of Thrones fandom (I hate how they treat Cersei, to no one surprise, among other few things) but it doesn't stop me from being active in the fandom 😭 But no, I can't think of any fandom I stopped liking because of Tumblr.

M: A person who got you into a fandom and what fandom they pulled you in to.

Ooof I can't tell a person in particular, but I def got pulled in by Tumblr in the Yellowjackets fandom. And the gifsets in this fandom are always so pretty!

Q: A ship you’ve abandoned and why.

Lowkey abandoned Rhaenicent 😬 I used to like it, but their last scenes felt a bit forced, and I don't like the fact Alicent feels like a doormat for Rhaenyra. I think that, like Sansa and Margaery, I will more enjoy it in fanfics/edits than in canon.

T: What are your favorite male/male ships or female/female ships?

I don't really have mlm ships to be honest, except Klefan (Klaus x Stefan from The Vampire Diaries). I kinda ship Merthur and Destiel tho, but like by proxy with Tumblr. Oh, and those two firefighters from 911! I'm rooting for them. As for wlw ships, I have a few ones. Coming at the top of my mind, Dany x Yara (Game of Thrones, they had very few scenes together and I usually need content for my ship to root for it, but omg the chemistry was delicious). I have also Beronica and Choni (Riverdale). And I have Mary-Louise and Nora from The Vampire Diaries! They were only there for one season, but they were so cute, and like they died together 😭 I had also Villaneve (Killing Eve), but I kinda dropped the show 😬