#THIS WAS SO LONG

[casualfarming]

at last. the project completed.

[kingkat12]

fuck-me eyes and first times (roman godfrey x reader)

WARNINGS: 18+, piv sex, loss of virginity, inexperienced sex?, oral sex (female receiving), mutual masturbation, awkward real moments lol, dry-humping, use of contraceptives, drunk driving, Roman using his powers for good?, blood, FLUFF, a dash of angst

summary: you've been unlucky with your first times all your life-- but tonight, you're sleeping with the equivalent of your shooting star.

word count: 12,140 (i love you guys, do u see)

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°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･seven minutes in heaven masterlist

a/n: FINALLY THEY’RE FUCKING ISTG?? tihiii this is a bit of a different chapter!! i'm dead tired of reading smut where everything goes perfectly the first time and they barely communicate, so hopefully this will be a bit more realistic (hopefully!!) sorry for the wait, and hope you enjoy!!!!!!;)

The first time I broke a bone, I kicked my foot into the wall in a fit of rage.

The first time I got an A on a test, I cheated by writing the answers under my skirt. 

And the first time I lost a friend? That was the story of how I got here in the first place.

To say my track record for first times was bad, was an understatement. I didn't see myself as an angel of the world. However, as I glanced to the side for a brief moment at an intersection, I looked directly at the man who'd often joke he was the devil. Roman had spread out in the passenger seat, still a little drunk as his long legs rested against the dashboard. It didn't matter how many times I told him to take them down, that if I were to crash his car he'd fold in two and die-- he didn't care. 

We were still a little intoxicated from the party, but I was in a better condition than him, which was why I was driving; something he'd never let me do if he wasn't in this state. Roman's head lolled back against his seat, his eyes closing as he hummed along to the music. Space Song by Beach House was always my favorite song to drive to at night, and I was glad he seemed to like it as well.

The first time I heard this song, I had been driving home after getting introduced to Letha at a party. I was over the moon, happy to have finally found a person in this wretched town that I could enjoy the company of. I had been so dreadfully bored of all the others. 

Letha was a good hugger. A good listener-- never scared to tell the truth, especially as we grew closer.

"Roman is my baby cousin, I love him to death, but damn he can be annoying," she had said, smiling at me as she leaned against the kitchen counter. "The amount of friends I have lost to him is just crazy. Every single one seems to fall over like dominoes whenever he's around, and honestly? I don't get it. Maybe it's because we're related and all, but there has to be a fucking limit to how many times something like this can happen? How many times can he sleep with my friends and get away with it? Him doing that is the same as me sleeping with Peter, it's just not okay! I would never fucking do that! This situation is becoming hysterical, to be honest."

I remember frowning-- "Hysterical?"

"Yeah... If I wasn't so pissed at him, I'd just laugh at the absurdity," Letha's green eyes remained kind despite the heaviness of the topic. "But at the end of the day, I'm glad I get to keep you to myself. My previous friends were nothing compared to you."

Letha's words were sweet, but something felt off. I smiled as I spoke, hoping to keep my query a light one; "What do you mean, keep me to yourself? Gonna chain me up, Letha?" I gave her shoulder a nudge as she laughed. 

"Not like that, you freak! I mean that Roman doesn't seem interested in you at all, so I feel safe that you'll stay. And if he were to be, you'd never do anything like that to me," She put away her empty can of beer, and something in her eyes shifted just a smidge-- I wouldn't have caught it if my senses hadn't been sharpened by the mention of his lack of interest in me. 

"... Right?" Letha asked, urging a response. It seemed to dawn on her that she sounded on the brink of bitterness, and she broke out into an even wider smile to compensate; "You don't seem like the type to sleep with my cousin, but maybe I'm wrong?"

"Never," was what I had answered that night.

Never... Gosh, I was delusional to think I could behave. 

Once again, I glanced at Roman at the next red light, watching the way one strand of hair strayed from his stylings and laid in a soft wave over his forehead. He opened his big, green eyes, smirking as he realized he was being watched-- "Eyes on the road,"

It was embarrassing how fast I blushed. I quickly nodded, gripping the steering wheel harder as I fixated on the red light above us. "Was it the next intersection I needed to get off on?" I asked, hoping not to linger on the subject of my peeking. "Could you maybe turn on the GPS on my phone just in case you fall asleep?"

"I'm not sleeping," Roman prompted, holding out his hand to take my phone.

As I reached for it in my back pocket, I felt it vibrate as the lights turned green. I gave Roman my phone, in a rush to not miss the light even though we were the only ones on the highway. "Who's calling?" 

Roman didn't answer me-- I pieced together who it was when he started greeting my mom.

Oh no. 

I freed one hand from the steering wheel, trying to get a hold of my phone as Roman quietly laughed at my attempt. I didn't succeed; "Yeah, she's here," he said, grinning as he motioned for me to keep driving. "I hoped to have her stay over at my place tonight, as my mother is desperate to meet your lovely daughter."

I rolled my eyes, mouthing a simple fuck you. Roman had to bite down on his lip to suppress a laugh-- we both knew his mom was out of town and that his intentions were far from anything as pure as to introduce me to her. 

My mom seemed flustered by his pleasantries on the other side of the phone, but I couldn't make out the specifics of what she was saying. It didn't sound like she was objecting, though. 

Roman nodded along as he turned down the music on the stereo and (finally) removed his legs off the dashboard. "No, of course, I wouldn't dream of giving your daughter any alcohol! Yes-- Yes, we were at a party just now, but we're both sober as rocks!" He glanced at me, mischief dancing in the green of his eyes.

The look on his face now was priceless. Although he was lying to my mom right up her face (her ear?), he still looked damn charming as always.

"Uh-huh..." Roman mumbled, now reciting his phone number at her request. "We'll probably be up having dinner, so you can call me anytime if you have any questions!-- Yes, I know it's late to have dinner, but my mother is European like that. Your daughter is in good hands, don't worry!"

I rolled my eyes once more, knowing how fond my mom was of him and how easily she'd eat all of this up. When Roman finally got off the call, he broke out into a string of laughter-- "Your mom is so damn sweet, but I can tell she's terrified we'll have sex. It seems you've taken after her,"

"I'm not terrified!" I whined, turning left to get off the highway.

He snorted; "I was two seconds away from telling her I have a stash of condoms, and that she shouldn't worry about having to take care of a mini-me when you leave for college,"

I did my best not to blush-- this conversation was getting more and more suggestive. "Shut up," I mumbled. "I'm not terrified."

Roman's eyes softened as he sat back in his seat and watched me drive his car. I knew I was giving away my true feelings regarding the matter with the way I was anxiously tapping my fingers against the steering wheel. I continued; "I just had you locked in a closet trying to convince you I'm not. It's not that big of a deal,"

"Relax, I'm just teasing you," Roman ran his fingers through his hair, gazing into the rearview mirror to check how messed up it had gotten. His red car had an open roof, after all. He sighed, trying to choose his next words wisely. "Not a big deal, you say?"

"Well..." I was unsure whether to be honest or not.

Roman nodded, looking out at all the trees passing us by. His silence was unnerving, and I turned up the music to tune it out. I couldn't stand this. Something in him switched; Maybe he was upset that I said it wasn't a big deal? Or maybe he was realizing it was a big deal to him? I needed to change the subject; "This is the right direction, no? I feel like I'm just driving deeper into the forest--"

"I've never told you this, but after the first time we kissed, I kept having the same dream where never left the seven minutes in heaven closet," Roman placed his head in the palm of his hand as he leaned his elbow against the car door, sighing. "Over and over, every night. Nearly drove me mad. And in the dream, there were no seven minutes, no time limit. So it was just you and I, and we were going at it like fucking crazy."

I held my breath, my eyes widening further with every sentence. What? Was he drunk-rambling or was this something else?

Roman sighed again, attempting to relax as he closed his eyes and stilled in his seat. Like this, I could nearly mistake him for being asleep. "It all started with me wanting to fuck you," he mumbled. "But every night, at the end of the dream, I got greedy... Because suddenly, I also wanted you to love me." 

Had I not been good at keeping calm, I would've probably crashed the car into the nearest tree. I didn't get much time to process, to feel the weight of his confession, until Roman snapped out of it like a character taken straight out of an animation, now sitting up; "Turn here,"

I drove up to a huge gate, stopping the car as I tried to steady my breathing. "Roman--"

"Two seconds," he said, getting out of the car to walk up to the intercom. He was as good as normal now.

I was left still gripping the steering wheel for dear life, my mouth opening and closing as I tried to find the right words. I watched as Roman typed in a code, and the massive gate slowly opened as he jumped back into the car. 

My breath was still held in my chest as I turned to him, eyes wider than plates of expensive china. 

Roman glanced back at me with an innocent smile; the mood had completely switched. "Breathe," he cooed, reaching forward to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. "It's just a mansion." With a sharp intake of air, he glanced at the backseat and the crumbled-up hot pink crop top we had brought with us (stolen, actually) from the party-- "A mansion with a possibility to put that anomaly in the fucking laundry."

I turned towards it as well, returning to my mind at the sight of the obnoxious colour of the top-- Knowing I had made him cum into the fabric of it merely an hour ago still felt like a triumph.

... Was it maybe my turn, now?

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ

And he was right-- this was an absolute castle of a house. I had suppressed the truth about Roman's wealth for as long as I could, not wanting to think about it in case my mind went haywire about it, but now it was smacking me in the face.

Still, Roman's hand on the small of my back was a comfort as he led me through the mansion on the most impromptu show-around I've ever witnessed. "This is the room where I learned how to shoot darts," he mumbled, pointing at the small dents in the wall. "I didn't know the darts were actually stuck to the wall and not the printed dartboard I hung up..." He bent down, picking up the painting his mother had hung up to cover the indents.

I couldn't help but laugh, clinging to his arm as we moved from room to room. The mansion was gothic, vampy, but that might've just been my imagination playing with me. The tall ceilings were intimidating, yet beautiful-- judging by my surroundings, there was no denying that everything around me cost a fortune.

I was yanked out of my trail of thoughts when Roman led me behind a red curtain by one of the big windows in the next room, and I giggled as he wrapped it around us. My back was pressed against the wall, engulfed by both the curtain and Roman's embrace; "This is where I learned how to French," he whispered, smiling as he pressed a kiss to the corner of my mouth. "And it was horrible. She fucking bit me and I squealed like a girl."

If Roman was trying to distract me from what he had said in the car, he was certainly doing a good job. The mental image of his first French kiss kept me beyond entertained, and we both continued laughing as he got us out of the wrap of the curtain.

However, it was the walk up the circular stairs that truly made it dawn on me who I was dating-- Roman Godfrey, the future heir to a billion-dollar company. Fuck. I stared up at the painting above us, the one of him and his mother posing with a rather regal-looking background. He couldn't have been more than fourteen in that picture, and I could see his classic intimidating stare through the painting and the way he clutched the chair his mother was posed on. It was clear that the boy in the painting didn't want to be there at all.

Roman turned, realizing what I was looking at; "I fucking hate that one," he grumbled, giving my hand a squeeze. "I refused to smile at that age. I look like I'm on the brink of killing myself."

"Not true," I squeezed his hand back. "Give yourself some grace. How old were you?"

"Fourteen,"

There you go. "Judging by the painting, I think we could've been friends at fourteen,"

Roman stopped in the middle of the curved stairway, his brows drawing together. "How so?"

I shrugged, trying not to focus on how much taller he was than me. If I thought about it for too long, I'd jump him. "Because I wore all black for about a year. If you refused to smile, and I refused to show any joy, I think we would've been a killer duo,"

Roman blinked twice before cracking into a chuckle. "That's unexpected,"

"Bet,"

"You're all... cute and bubbly now,"

"You think?" I wasn't sure how much I agreed. "The girl that's fucking around with her ex-best friend's cousin?"

Roman had to bite down another laugh. "What do you mean, fucking around? I haven't as much as touched you compared to how I could've,"

Oh.

Oh God.

I held back a shiver, staring up at him as he resumed leading me up the stairs. "But... you have touched me,"

"Sure," Roman proceeded to get a proper look at me in the darkness of the night when we reached the second floor. The green around his widened pupils practically shone-- it was impressively cat-like. "Impossible not to, with those fuck-me eyes of yours."

"Hey!" I wasn't sure why I was protesting, but I knew his snicker egged me on. "I don't have... that!"

I could see that Roman was on the brink of cooing at me, and he sucked in a sharp breath as he sunk his teeth into his bottom lip. I hadn't seen him this amused in a while. "Right," he purred. "You don't. Not a trace at all." With a short kiss on my forehead, he moved away from me and started walking down the dark corridor. "Keep those fuck-me eyes in the hallway, and I might let you sleep tonight."

I sighed before gearing up into a walking sprint to catch up with his long strides-- If only he knew that sleep was the last thing on my mind. 

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When we finally reached Roman's bedroom, I couldn't believe the size of it. My room was nothing in comparison. I had certainly not expected the posters-- there were many rare classic horror films and some bands I was sure his mom probably loathed. However, I was surprised by the lack of half-naked models on his walls which I had always imagined; I let out a short, relieved breath. "Your room is nice,"

Roman hummed, throwing his jacket on a chair nearby. "Not too boyish for you?" 

"Nah," I mumbled, walking up to the posters on the opposite wall. There were a lot of movies I hadn't seen yet-- still, I couldn't help but laugh a little when I saw The Godfather. "It's very you."

"How great that you like me, then," 

"Lucky for you, yeah," There was something about this room that I couldn't help but love-- this was where Roman woke up and fell asleep. This was where he probably spent most of his time. I wondered whether the pillows smelled of his going-out cologne or the lighter one he usually wore to school. I wondered whether he'd been caught smoking in here, whether he'd done coke with Peter on his desk, and how many girls he'd had up here. By the likes of it, I somehow doubted anything like that ever happened at his place. If he had waited this long to have me over, I decided it was highly unlikely he'd invite someone he didn't know very well. 

I clasped my hands behind my back, taking long strides as I scanned the many posters on his walls.

Roman sat down on the chair by his desk, spreading out as he watched me with a smirk. "Not what you expected?"

I turned to him, my brows drawing together; "Why? Are you nervous or something?"

"I'm not nervous," Roman huffed, folding his arms over his chest. Now that I was looking straight at him, it was clear that he was. "I'm simply asking."

A knowing smile crept up my cheeks-- it felt like I had the upper hand, for once. "You're nervous,"

"Am not!"

"And now you're fidgeting,"

I was correct; Roman's right leg had given into a slight bounce. He rolled his eyes, muttering curse words under his breath. "It's not every day that I have girls up here, okay? I'm never here, stuff always happens at someone else's-- well, now your room. Because this is, like... my lair,"

I had to bite back an amused smirk; "Your evil lair?"

"Bingo. This is where I dissect people and stuff," He pointed to the table next to him. "So... yeah. Your opinion matters to me, I guess."

"Oh, does it now?"

"On some things, sure,"

I nodded, focusing on how the moonlight was dipping into the dark brown of Roman's hair. He didn't have to be so pretty all the time, did he? How rude. "Such as...?"

With a shrug, Roman now gazed at the tall ceiling. Like this, he almost looked bored. "Your opinion of me is the one that comes to mind, I guess,"

"My opinion of... you?" That was new. 

Roman met my eyes again, this time with a new emotion-- his head was slightly tilted to the side, and he was looking at me through his brows. I had a feeling he didn't intend the look to be as intimidating as it was. "It fluctuates,"

"My opinion?"

"Yep," he said. "Some days, you look at me like I'm everything. And then, the next day, I'm the biggest asshole in the world."

My lips drew together in a tight line-- this was unexpected. "And here I thought I was the only consistent thing in your life," I mumbled. "I don't know, Rome, every couple has its ups and downs, no? But I don't want them to make you doubt what I feel for you. Because... you know, right?" I started taking wary steps across the room. "You know I adore you, there is no way you've managed to miss that?"

With a sigh, Roman sat back in his chair with a smile. "Sure, I know that," he murmured, watching my every step with anticipation. "And I bet that tree you carved our initials into can attest."

Goddamn it. "You're never going to let go of that, are you?" 

As I finally approached him, Roman led me between his legs with a gentle hold around my waist. "Nope," He pressed his lips against my clothed chest, his fingers slowly digging into my top. My arms draped around his neck, and my next words were muffled against his hair; he reeked of his usual cinnamon-flavored cigarettes-- "But sure, if the tree ever starts talking, it will agree. You know I'm crazy about you,"

"Crazy is the keyword here,"

"Oh, shut up," I muttered, pulling away to get a proper look at him. Roman was so damn beautiful-- I had missed the sight of him in the past twenty-four hours I had been unsure of the state of our relationship. "I still can't believe you thought I was going to break up with you... Do you know how shitty you would have to be to drive me to that point?"

Roman pulled me back in again, enjoying the scent of my perfume with his next deep inhale; he pressed a short kiss to my neck. "Let me be paranoid," The next kiss lingered for longer, the warm exhale through his nose grazing my skin.

"But I don't want you to be," I tried. "I don't ever want you to doubt us like that. Never, ever again."

Roman stilled. With a sigh, he spoke; "Okay... but that's where you step into what people in my family call a deathtrap," He motioned for me to sit down in his lap, and with wary movements, I draped my arms around his neck and sat down, allowing him to place a sweet kiss to my cheek. "Deathtrap?" I echoed.

"Deathtrap," Roman shifted, placing one arm around my waist as his free hand traced small circles into my thighs. "Otherwise known as... hope." And just like that, it was as though his mind went elsewhere, as though something in his eyes shifted. 

However, I'd had enough of that-- I wasn't having any of it tonight. Knowing Roman saw hope as a deathtrap made my heart burn. Wary of not being too abrupt, I slowly placed a finger underneath his chin, catching his attention. "If you don't want to harbor any hope of your own, I'll lend you mine," I whispered, gently nudging his nose with mine. 

Roman's pupils dilated as his hot breath fanned against my upper lip. I could smell the beer on him, the cigarettes, yet the most prevalent was the anxiety-- it brushed upon my skin, and caressed my heart. "All of it, Roman," My hand went back into his hair, stroking through the softness of his locks. "All my hope, all my love... it's all yours to borrow. To keep, to mold, to steal, to hold, for as long as you like. It's not a trap of any kind. You're safe with me."

That was all it took, and so he gave in; with the smallest of sighs, Roman closed his eyes, relishing in the moment. "You make me feel... you make me feel," he echoed, almost in disbelief. "It's a painful thing, is it not?"

I dared to let my hand brush down the side of his face, my thumb gently ghosting over his closed lid to feel the softness of his lashes against the pad of my finger. "It doesn't have to be. It could feel really, really good,"

Roman let out a shaky breath against me; "I want that for you," he said, opening his eyes. The green in his eyes shone in the white shimmer of the moonlight, illuminating the intent in his words. "Want to make you feel good... in every way possible." 

Something about the drop in his voice nearly made me shiver-- I couldn't allow myself to, not in his lap. It took a few seconds for me to notice that I was holding my breath, staring back at him with a look on my face which I hoped didn't give away too much. Maybe I had misinterpreted his words? Maybe Roman meant that in a romantic way?

However, with the following upward curve of the corners of his mouth, so small I could barely notice it, I knew my intuition had been right. Roman definitely meant that in a different way. 

... I needed to listen to my intuition more, didn't I?

Roman's hand on my thigh lifted, now removing the vial of blood around my neck to place it on the table nearby; he proceeded to put his palm against my cheek with the gentlest touch, softly caressing my skin with his thumb. This was when it dawned on me that we were alone. Completely alone. Possibly for the first time ever. No interruptions, with no one to hear anything. Had this been a month ago, that fact alone would've been enough to make me jump off his lap, and I would've probably paced up and down along his room with nervous steps to soothe my anxiety. Being alone with him meant that I wouldn't be able to contain my need for him, I was sure of it.

But now? I believed Roman could do that for me. Soothe me. He could calm me down like no other. Now, I knew he wouldn't run off after getting what he wanted-- because now, I knew that what he truly wanted was me. 

"Could you let me do that?" Roman breathed, the green of his eyes finding my lips. I was confused as to how I hadn't melted into his lap already. "Make you feel good?" He leaned forward, just a few inches, now brushing the pad of his thumb across my bottom lip, transfixed. "Or... are you sure you want to do this? Have your first time with someone like me?"

There was something about the fact that he was even asking-- the old Roman would never. "Who else would I have my first time with? It's always been you," My lips parted in a soundless intake of breath, my gaze darting to his plush, pink lips. Like this, I could almost feel them against me; we had kissed so many times that my body remembered the sweet push of his lips simply by gazing at them. Still, I was afraid it would never be enough, and every kiss was as thrilling as the first one. "Just being with you like this feels good already."

Roman hummed, absentminded. "Not what I'm getting at,"

"I know," I breathed. "But I can't help but worry that--" I had to clear my throat, swallowing. Why was I getting so damn nervous? It was getting harder to breathe, and I was sure my cheeks were flushing. "Well... That I won't know what to do."

With a sigh, Roman bit down on his lip to hold back a laugh. "It's your first time, you won't have to do much," Despite his lids hanging heavy over his darkening eyes, I could see the want building in him. "I'll take the lead, okay? You just relax." He steadied me with his palm over my cheek before leaning forward-- my body hitched with caution as he brushed his lips across mine, slanted, until I allowed myself to give in. 

The soft pillow of Roman's lips was the sweetest pressure I had ever known. I could feel my blood heat with the intent of the kiss, and I suddenly got the urge to cross my legs to calm myself down-- I knew I couldn't. Roman's breath fell softly against my cheek as my hands went up into his hair, tugging gently at the tips of his dark locks as I kissed him back with my lips slightly parted, moving against his as though he was whispering me a question.

Maybe I didn't hear it-- maybe it was a warning? Had he actually whispered something, or was I imagining things? Because with the next second, Roman hooked his arm under my knees, lifting me off the chair as I yelped into the kiss. It didn't take long before I eased, telling myself he had lifted me many times before, and that he would never drop me. Never, ever. Roman smiled against my lips, humming just slightly as he carried me bridal-style across the room. It felt silly, cliché, until it dawned on me-- was he playing the cliché out for me? Was this what he perhaps imagined I wanted, something pure, something classically virginal?

In the few seconds our kiss was broken, Roman placed me down on the bed and watched as I giggled; it was impossible not to laugh as the recoil of the springs threatened to bounce me up in the air again. He tsked, now grinning as he made space between my legs, drawing me closer before he kissed me once more. It was bolder this time, pressing the soft fullness of his mouth against mine-- there was nowhere else for me to go but to him. 

My hands wove into Roman's hair again, pulling him closer as my heart thumped hard in my chest. Was this really happening? Or was this maybe something I was imagining, maybe the alcohol hadn't left my system yet? "Rome--"

Before I could continue, his lips were on mine again like a magnet, drawing us together, unable to separate the magnetic forces long enough to let me speak. It was confirmed; he was definitely here. This was real. There was an urgency to Roman's stubborn kisses-- you're mine, just accept it. Being kissed into submission was something I had never imagined was possible, yet here I was, my lips parting with a soft whimper, feeling his tongue against mine; it filled me with a complete and utter satisfaction, a final statement. 

I wanted him to devour me. As I coiled my fingers around Roman's dark hair, tugging him closer, I so desperately wanted only that. To melt into him, to become one-- was that maybe the core concept of sex which I had misunderstood all up until this exact moment? Just the thought of being connected with Roman like that, knowing he could possibly be inside me-- that thought had never evoked the physical reaction in me before as it did now. 

Well, fuck. I realized I was screwed before it had even happened.

Sucking in a sharp breath, the silk of Roman's expensive duvets kept me grounded as he softly groaned into my mouth. His tongue circled mine before gently sucking the tip of it into his mouth, and he listened to my whimpers as he withdrew shortly after, a lone string of saliva still linking us. I was unsure why I was left so speechless, why every little thing he did made me feel like my body was on fire, but I knew there was no rationality in need. The innate need ravaging through your veins. There was no way to make sense of it, and I was certain Roman was aware of that too. Yet suddenly, he was near-motionless, blinking twice as if he was a little lost on what to do, which I immediately thought was odd--

Oh. There it was. I was wondering when that would happen. 

So... Roman wasn't lost. Far from it. Flustered might be a better word-- I felt his erection poke into my stomach, and it made me realize how big his pupils had gotten. That was quick. "Uh... Surprise?" He awkwardly cleared his throat as his green eyes nearly devoured me whole. "Fuck it, there's one thing I want to do before we go on. It'll take a second."

I held my breath-- with Roman, that could mean anything. "... Okay?"

"Don't look so scared," he teased, getting off the bed and walking to his nightstand. In my head, I wondered whether he was grabbing condoms, or whether he was about to impose something kinky on me. I was ready to start my rehearsed lecture on going slow with me, that it was my first time and everything, until my mind blanked at the sight of a... candle?

Roman got a lighter nearby, looking back at me with a trying smile. "You once said that me and sweet don't go together," he explained, lighting the candle. "On our first date, I believe, if we can call it that. The blackmail part of it was probably not ideal, but it counts in my head. Anyway, I thought you might be right about the sweet part... but it doesn't mean I shouldn't try to be."

I was afraid I'd melt much, much faster than that candle. "Don't tell me you went out and bought that candle just for this?"

Roman shrugged, hoping to brush it off. "Well... I was determined to prove you wrong. And I had a candle for my first time, and I guess it eased me a little. But, uh... I think this is actually a funeral candle," 

"I see," I had to contain a laugh. Sitting up, I reached for his fingers as I longed to touch him again; "Well, no one's dead yet, but the night is still young."

Unable to hold it, Roman snorted, placing the lighter back on the nightstand before he interlocked our fingers. "I'm never doing anything like this again, so I suggest you cherish it,"

"What? But now I'm growing fond of the funeral candle, you're breaking my heart!"

Roman rolled his eyes, sinking down on the bed again, and he brought our intertwined fingers above my head. "If that's what I need to do to get you in my bed, I'll buy the whole fucking candle company," 

There was something exciting about the fact that Roman genuinely could. It wasn't just an empty threat. If he got high enough one night, I was sure he'd know who to call. I was surprised to feel he was still hard now that his erection was pressed up against me once more, but I didn't get much time to think about it-- Roman freed one of his hands, and he managed to make his way under my top as he kissed me once more.

My breath hitched against the soft push of his lips as it hit me that I might have to get fully naked for this. Fuck. Okay. Yet my anxiety eased at the thought of him being fully naked too-- I found my hips keening up against him, my need for friction growing with my arousal. 

Roman smiled into the kiss; it was a ravenous feeling. "Impatient?" he asked, barely leaving my lips.

"Yeah," It was merely a breath-- I felt his hand ghost over my bra, slowly tracing the hem. I could barely think, too excited to function anymore.

"No need," Roman pulled away, letting go of the remaining hand above my head as his fingers now toyed with the edge of my top. "We have all the time in the world."

His tone was enough to bring scarlet to my cheeks, but I nodded, swallowing when he bunched the fabric up in his hands and lifted it up and off of me. I raised my arms, pouting just slightly at the loss of contact-- who would've thought I'd get more drunk from kissing Roman than the beer Peter gave me earlier? 

With a sigh, Roman's eyes consumed me; the smirk with which he looked down at me only made me more flustered. "Rome," I whined, reaching my hands out for him. "Stop that, get back here. This isn't anything new." That was true-- me in my bra wasn't a sight he hadn't seen before. 

Roman tsked, sending me a stern look. "You're disturbing my thought process,"

"Your thought process?--"

"Yep," he said, shrugging. "I'm just thinking about how I want to cum right..." Roman trailed a line across my lower abdomen with his finger, using a touch so light it immediately made me squirm. "... here."

The squirming quickly turned into a small shiver, and my hands went straight to my face as my blush deepened. 

There was a change in Roman which was noticeable by the way he lost his smile, lost in whatever images he had in his head as he now leaned back down, pressing eager kisses to the apex of my collarbones. His lips trailed down my body, his fingers digging into the sides of my waist-- his mind was gone. I tugged at his hair as he inched further away, and I whimpered at the sensation of his tongue tracing a circle around my belly button. I never expected myself to like anything like that, but damn-- heaven. This was heaven. 

I was reminded of how much bigger Roman was than me when I was suddenly yanked to the edge of the bed, and I could only yelp as I did nothing to fight it. His hands trailed down the sides of my hips, now hooking his fingers around my panties, not yet taking them off-- instead, he was kissing me through my soaked underwear, humming. 

Christ, this was something I could get used to. I managed to register the fact that he wasn't on the bed anymore, and I propped myself up on my elbows with the last remaining power I had to confirm my suspicions. Roman stopped for a moment, pulling away to glance right back at me; "What?"

"You're... kneeling,"

"... Yeah?"

It didn't register in my head. "You don't kneel for anyone," The Roman Godfrey didn't get on his knees for anyone in the world. In my mind, he thought the world should be kneeling to him, and that he would never stoop so low.

However, the look he gave me in return told me everything I needed to know. Come on, now. Roman pulled my underwear off as he spoke, peeling it down my thighs; "I kneel for you," To him, that was as simple as a fact. The most logical thing in the history of the universe. He didn't even seem to deem the subject worthy of a further conversation, now grabbing my hips to bring me even closer to the edge of the bed as I let out a small squeak. Roman led my legs to hang over his broad shoulders as he leaned forward, rings of desire around his eyes as he licked a broad, flat stripe up my sex.

Fuck-- I did my best not to mewl as my fingers reached for his hair once more, twirling into the soft curls of his hair. "Rome--"

At this point, I was sure he wouldn't hear me no matter how loudly I spoke. Roman sensed I was about to start keening against him, and he pulled my legs back and held my thighs in place as he slicked his tongue in between my slit, mouth moving as though he was pressing deep, heavy kisses against me. I whimpered, my grip on his hair loosening as I felt my conscience slip into its usual drugged-on-Roman state. A very, very dangerous state of mind, if you ask me.

Giving me some time to breathe, Roman moved to leave soft kisses up along the crease of my thighs. "Keep your legs like this, okay?" he said, slowly trailing one hand up my thigh. Roman's finger teasingly tapped my clit, and he turned to watch the thin line of slick connecting the pad of his finger to me. It was hard not to squirm, and I brought one hand up to my mouth to hopefully suppress any noise. "Rome, what are you?--"

Oh. My breath hitched as he eased his slicked middle finger into me, careful to go in with slow strokes. I whined against my hand when Roman's mouth returned to me, sealing his perfect lips around my swollen nub, adding pressure. It was almost too much-- I felt myself clench around his finger when he curled it upwards, just as his lips covered my mound, sucking me in. 

"Christ," I breathed, reaching down to grab a hold of Roman's hair, the slick sounds of his mouth making goosebumps appear along my skin as I contained a shiver. "Shit, Rome, it feels-- so, so good--"

My mindless ramble came to an end with the next hitch of my breath; Roman added another finger, humming against me as an answer. With how nervous I was, it was a tight fit, and the sting that followed made me instinctively tighten my fist in his hair, my skin straining over my knuckles. It was hard to keep still, a string of whimpers escaping my lips. 

My hands shook as Roman continued slowly stroking his fingers into me. I wondered whether he could feel my anxiety seeping into my lust-- it was becoming so real. Roman's green eyes darted up at me, stilling his fingers, giving me time to adjust. He pulled away from me, leaving his digits in me as he spoke; "I'm not gonna last long if you tighten up like that later," 

His words conjured a deep blush to my cheeks, and I brought my hands up to my face to hide. "Sorry," I breathed. "I don't-- don't know what's happening."

Roman shrugged, placing a wet, gentle kiss against the inside of my thigh. "You're nervous. It's normal," His hot breath ghosted over my soaked sex as he moved to the other thigh-- "I think it'll help if I make you cum like this. You'll relax more. And I'll keep my fingers in, get you used to the feeling... Unless you want them out?"

For a man who said he didn't deal with virgins, he certainly knew how to talk one down from the cliff. I let out a shaky breath, peeking down at him past my fingers; "N-No, it's okay,"

Roman seemed to be holding back a laugh; "You look a little spooked,"

"I... do?" Knowing my boyfriend, I knew he probably found that incredibly hot.

"A bit. Wanna stop?--"

"No!" That was a little too quick. Fuck. 

Roman chuckled as he proceeded to bite down on the inside of my thigh with a teasing smirk-- I squeaked, clenching around his fingers. "Good," he purred, leaning forward to press a short kiss to my clit, drawing out another squeak from me. Something told me he liked the sound of my pleasured panic. "It's been some time since the last time you let me do this. I've missed the taste of you."

"... It's been, like, four days,"

Roman let out a groan, and I could see in his eyes that it was building in him-- the innate lust. "A fucking eternity," he breathed, a new rasp appearing in his voice. With that, Roman didn't lose a single second leaning back down, slicking his tongue between my folds, returning to suck down on my clit with a moan. 

Oh, well-- I knew I was done for. Still, knowing his goal was to make me cum, knowing I didn't have to hold back, I let my hands wander back into his hair with a whimper of pleasure. It didn't take long before I clenched around his fingers again, the burn of the stretch subsiding with every flick of Roman's tongue. 

"Fuck," I breathed. "Fuck, fuck--"

Any attempt to speak dissolved into incoherent cries, teetering on the edge while pleasure surged through me like a relentless wave. Still, it didn't take more than two more sucks to ease me over, and I felt my climax drawing out long and slow against Roman's mouth, tightening around his fingers with a whimper. 

My head lolled along the duvets as I tried to catch my breath. With every time Roman did this, it only got better-- it was hard to believe that was even possible. I came to my senses when I felt his fingers slide out of me, the twinge of pain having long passed. 

"Fuck," Roman said, a laugh to his voice as he pressed kisses up along my stomach, getting up from the ground. "Best fucking pussy in the world."

God-- I hid my face again, my blush deepening. That dirty mouth of his. "That was so good," I purred, reaching out for him; "Come here, Rome. I miss you up here."

Chuckling, Roman shook his head, motioning for me to scoot further up the bed. "Just a sec," he said, walking back over to his nightstand, opening his drawer again and shuffling around. I did as told, watching him with a sigh; he was right, that orgasm had relaxed me. However, my zen didn't last long-- I suddenly felt all my muscles tightening when I watched Roman bring the fingers he just had in me to his lips, absentmindedly sucking on them as he now held up a silver wrapper with his free hand as though that was the most normal thing in the world. I also spotted a clear bottle which I could only assume was lube. 

What the fuck? The sight of him doing that made me want to disappear into the bed-- why was the sight so... thrilling? It must've been the look of enjoyment on his face. "Oh, that's hot," I mumbled, my eyes immediately widening with the realization of what I had just blurted out.

Roman cocked a brow as he unclasped the vial of my blood around his neck, placing it next to the candle before he got back on the bed, now trailing the residue of spit and slick on his fingers across my thighs. "Well, you taste nice,"

"Not that nice?"

A hum; "Wanna try some, make up your mind?" he asked, a teasing smirk spreading across his plush lips as he brought his hand up to his mouth, wiping off the remnants of my slick to coat his fingers. 

I shivered, grimacing— "No, thanks," Hoping to distract Roman from trying to convince me, I sat up, reaching for the buttons of his shirt. Frankly, I had enough of being the only one that was undressed.

Roman hummed, following my hands with his eyes, grinning from ear to ear as he threw down the condom and the lube somewhere on the bed. "More for me, then," he mumbled, licking my slick off his fingers as he kept his gaze on me-- it didn't take long before he pushed me back down on the bed, unbuttoning the last of his buttons with ease I could never match. 

My heart had probably never worked this hard before in my life. "Rome," I tried, watching him discard his shirt. Fuck-- he was gorgeous. I could feel myself blushing in an instant, shamelessly looking him up and down; I knew he didn't mind. Why was I reacting like this? Roman being breathtakingly handsome wasn't news? "I think... I think--"

"You're still thinking?" Roman's hands gripped my waist as he leaned down, kissing up my torso as I whimpered beneath him, reaching for his hair again. "Stop thinking. No thinking."

"No thinking?" I echoed, giggling as his eager kisses reached my neck, getting ticklish. "You're asking for too much." Now that he was finally close again, I draped my arms around him, trailing my fingers across his broad shoulders with a sigh. Being skin-to-skin like this was my favorite thing in the world-- being connected.

Roman hummed, his erection once again pressing into my lower abdomen. "Either you stop thinking of your own volition..." he said, pulling my chest up against his. "... Or I'll have to fuck your brains out. Your choice."

I shivered, feeling my mind start buzzing. That was a damn easy choice. "That sounds rough," I mumbled, my breath hitching as Roman pressed a kiss to my ear. "You said you'd be gentle..." To be completely honest, this was the part I was nervous about-- would he maybe not be able to be? I was a little scared he'd be like one of those horror-story guys Letha had told me she'd been with, one of those guys that just slap you all of a sudden or start choking you cause they've seen it in porn and think that's normal behavior. 

Roman pulled away, hovering barely an inch above my lips; his breath grazed my cheek, and the green of his eyes were glazed over with a look of confusion. "Am I not being just that?" he asked, nodding to the candle.

Oh-- I turned to the supposed funeral candle. 

It allowed a sweet kiss to my cheek, the tip of his upturned nose pressing into my cheekbone; "Trust me. I wouldn't want to hurt you, you know me,"

He was right-- from the very first moment we got together, he had told me just that.

Still, it was only when I felt Roman's lips against mine with the softest of pressures, that I pushed my concerns away. It was the sort of kiss that made my heart burn, the sort of kiss that made my hands trail up into his hair to keen him closer. I pushed all my thoughts of horror into a heap, churned it in my mental grinder, processed it, and allowed the product of it to slip past my lips; "I want you," I breathed, feeling myself grow needy against him.

Roman hummed, a small roll of his hips onto mine following-- I didn't expect it to make my breath catch in my chest. "I want you too," 

Something in me ignited; I wanted him to do that again. Disoriented, I reached down for the zipper of his jeans, moaning into the kiss that followed. "Want you more," 

Roman smiled; "Not possible," 

At this moment, I was thankful to be made up of solid matter-- if not, I was sure I'd have melted straight into the bed, a puddle of pure horny. I wasn't sure when Roman lost his pants, too consumed in the kiss to function. My state of arousal only heightened when my hips bucked up, feeling the hard outline of his cock between my legs; I was suddenly reminded of the time we did something similar in an alleyway on our first day. But this was different-- this was a direct contact of his clothed length brushing up against my clit with repeating strokes, a motion which had my breath hitching as my nails dug into his shoulders.

Roman let out a soft groan, nipping at my neck as he ground down against me. "This," he breathed. "This is what you do to me. I wanna be in you so fucking bad."

With the next roll of his hips, I whimpered; the buzzing of my mind refused to still. "Have me, then," was all I managed to say, tugging at Roman's hair as the tips of my fingers burned.

What followed happened so fast, I barely registered it. I heard the ripping of the silver wrapping in the midst of our heated kiss, adrenaline and dopamine coursing through my veins as every little sweet word rolling off Roman's tongue filled me with that familiar warm feeling I always got around him.

For this, it was all worth it. All the drama with Letha, all the tears, all the pain-- it was all worth it. 

"You're everything," Roman whispered, rubbing the head of his cock along my soaked sex as my hands skimmed the muscular range of his back. "You're my everything, do you know that?"

God, how I wanted to be one with him. Wanted him in my head, wanted him in me, wanted to melt into him and become one single entity, never to part. From the first moment I met him, from the first moment I laid eyes on him in class, from the first moment he smiled at me, I knew it was Roman. It would always be Roman, it would always, always be Roman for me, and knowing he thought the same of me as well, that I was his everything-- all my longing, everything, had been worth it. Because I was his everything too, finally, just like he had always been mine. 

However, as Roman angled his cock and gently pushed the head in, kissing my cheek with the sweetest touch, I didn't expect the painful, sharp sting-- I wasn't sure how loudly I gasped, how far my nails dug into his back, but I was really damn certain that this hurt. 

Roman was out of me within the blink of a second; "Shit," he breathed, a panicked look in his eyes. "Should've-- Should've warned you."

The sting remained as I did my best to breathe through it. "That's a stretch," was all I managed to say, stroking over where I had scraped his back. 

"I'll take that as a compliment," Roman mumbled, scanning me. He didn't seem bothered by the crescent moons my nails were leaving behind. "You okay?"

"Yeah..."

He cursed under his breath, leaning down to press a kiss to my forehead. "I forgot about this part... My brain doesn't work when you're naked," Roman sighed, reaching for one of the hands I had on his back. "If you want to go on, I might know a way to make it a little easier."

I met his eyes as he brought the back of my hand to his lips; "I guess it's supposed to hurt a little, Roman, just... just do what you usually do, I trust you," Maybe I needed to push through it? I could take a little pain, couldn't I? That was until I remembered the pain again-- it made me clench. Ouch.

With a certain look I knew too well, he shook his head as he now wrapped his fingers around my wrist. "No. It's not supposed to hurt," he said. "And I said I wouldn't hurt you, so..." Roman trailed my hand down along my body, watching as my eyes widened. "In my experience, it helps if you... help."

"Help?"

"Help yourself, so to speak," Roman purred, his signature cocky smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. "Cause I doubt this will be your first time doing this."

"Doing what?-- Oh," As he placed my hand over my sex, he slid two fingers above mine, guiding me to rub my clit. Roman was right; it wasn't my first time doing that to myself. Still, this was a different feeling-- My hips immediately bucked up into our hands, and when Roman leaned down to kiss me, I knew I was done for. 

Everything felt warm, everything felt��right. "Just keep doing that," he whispered, sinking his teeth into my lower lip. "Wanna?-- Again?"

Roman didn't need to use more words than that; I knew what he meant. I nodded, feeling my cheeks redden at the fact that I was touching myself in front of him like this-- however, I didn't have time to think much about it.

Soon, I wasn't the only one touching myself, anyway.

"Should've used this from the start," Roman mumbled, cursing under his breath as he poured a dash of lube on his cock from the clear bottle nearby. "Got too excited... fuck." With a lazy grip, he wrapped his hand around his length, spreading the lube with slow strokes. 

My mind was buzzing. I watched as Roman's lips parted, a shaky breath escaping him. "It's okay," I tried, rubbing mindless circles around my clit. "It's just me."

"Yeah, and I care about you," Roman's eyes were halfway closed as they met mine, darkened with growing lust. "Ready?"

I nodded-- yeah.

This time, when Roman's cock pushed into me again with the slowest of strokes, the pleasure from my clit dulled the sting. The only thing left to adjust to was the stretch; my breath hitched as my free hand went back up into his hair, wincing against his lips as his thick length stroked me open. 

Roman cursed as his parted lips hovered above mine. He held me tightly against his body, watching out for any signs of discomfort before he spoke; "Shit... This feels better than I--thought," 

My head rolled back against the duvet, breathing against Roman with small heaves. "Rome," I whimpered. "Fuck, this is--" I didn't expect the feeling, didn't expect the tips of my fingers to burn more as I grasped at his hair, didn't expect the way my whole body reacted-- it was different from anything else I had ever felt or thought I could feel. Being filled up by Roman was...

It was everything.

Everything I had ever dreamed of. 

It felt good, it felt right-- I moaned, clenching at the feeling of his cock slowly sinking into me at a steady pace, my body aching with love. This was as gentle as I bet anything like this could possibly be, and I squirmed a bit beneath him, adjusting to the feeling of having his cock inside of me. 

Roman let out a shaky breath, containing the urge to pound into my warmth like I supposed he usually would. "Hurts?"

"No, no-- Ah," 

With his next thrust, Roman kissed up my jaw, keeping every stroke careful. "Want me to put it in all the way?"

"The-- There is more?"

"Baby..." he breathed, containing a choked laugh. "I'm only halfway in."

I was sure I was about to faint. How the fuck?-- No, I couldn't think clearly in this state. No more thinking. I decided to trust him; I knew Roman would pull back if it hurt, anyway. "Okay... Let's try,"

As Roman pushed in more of his length, the quiet moan escaping him blended in with my string of panicked whimpers. I didn't even know I had space inside me for more-- my eyes sprung open, my legs giving into a tremble. "Rome, I-- a-ah, this is--"

"Shh, look at me, breathe," Roman brought his hand to my face, guiding me to look into his eyes. His voice was soft, caring; "You okay? Is this too much?"

The shock was the thing that had gotten to me, I was sure of it. Because after a few more deep strokes, a few tighter circles around my clit, my fear eased as I realized this was a sensation I would be chasing for the rest of my life.

"Feels good?" Roman asked, his voice nearly breaking-- I imagined it was hard to not give in to the pleasure of the tight embrace around his cock.

Still, I could only nod, twisting my fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck, pulling him towards me to smother him with a heated rush of my lips against his, moaning into the kiss as I pulled my hand from between my legs-- it was starting to brink the line of overstimulation. 

"Good," Roman muttered against my mouth. 

The kiss didn't last too long; my shock was still coming and going in waves. "I'm-- we're having sex," I blurted out, my cheeks flaring red. The truth was hitting me like a blow to the head. The thing I had dreamed about since the first day I laid eyes on him was actually happening.

Roman contained a laugh, looking rather endeared by my realization; "Yeah, you're doing it, you're having sex... I'd give you a high five, but-- hah, that wouldn't work,"

Why were we laughing? Why was this... fun?

Caught between the fire in my chest, the twinge of humor, and the ache pulsing low between my legs, I whimpered as I realized I wanted-- no, needed more. Still, a small, meek call of his name was all I managed to stutter out.

Roman shifted, pushing my body so that my knees were bent at his sides; "Speak your mind," 

How was I supposed to conjure a cohesive sentence in this state? "I want-- you, more--"

"We're going-- hah, back to that?" 

"Not that! More, Rome-- just, more, I need--"

He let out a breathy moan, smiling back down at me; he knew exactly what I meant. "Thank God," Roman's cock filled me over and over, his thrusts growing harder, faster as he found a steady pace to rock into me. "You're taking me so good, aren't you?"

My head felt like it was spinning. This couldn't be real. I couldn't possibly be as lucky as to finally sleep with Roman Godfrey. 

His voice brought me back; "You're doing so well," he murmured, burying his face into the crook of my neck, muffling a quiet moan against my skin. It was the most magical of sounds-- my heart was threatening to beat out of my chest, and I was sure the warmth of skin against mine probably helped with the overheating of my brain. "Doing so, so well for me... I've wanted you like this for so long."

"Me too," I breathed, my hips keening to take his thrusts. "Wanted you-- since forever."

My words only seemed to reel him on; Roman hips snapped harder into me as I whimpered. "Forever?" 

"Forever-- a-ah,"

Something in Roman's breathing changed. It was almost as though I could read his thoughts, feel his new reality form. Was it maybe the last push he needed to believe I was his till death? That there was a person out there walking this earth, breathing the same air, that could possibly want to be with him for an eternity? "Forever," he breathed, latching onto my neck with repeated needy kisses in an attempt to drown out the noises threatening to spill past his lips. "You and-- and I, forever."

As Roman's cock repeatedly pushed into me, I could only whimper; the stretch was still something to get used to, and my nails bit into his back as I tried to steady myself. "Forever," I managed to breathe out, hearing him moan into my neck at the sharpness of my nails against his back-- I knew he'd like that. I knew Roman too damn well. 

"Forever," he echoed, breath washing warm against my ear as he raised himself, his cheek nuzzling mine in an intimate embrace. 

I clenched around the girth of his cock, shivering. This was so unbelievably sweet, nothing I had ever expected from him. Roman was so much taller, and his broad build served as a comforting weight through the wave of new pleasure my body tried to comprehend. With the next surge of love washing over my chest, the next pump of Roman's cock, I felt my chin give in to an involuntary quiver as I gripped him tighter. 

It was at this moment that it truly dawned on me;

I loved him. 

I loved Roman Godfrey.

Tears swarmed my eyes as one of my hands went up into his soft hair, hoping he'd take it as an urging for him to kiss me again. I didn't want to have a chance to talk, to blurt it out and scare him away-- which is why, when Roman shifted and crashed his lips against mine, I only felt relief. 

I was safe. I was cared for. And damn, I felt good. 

However, what I hadn't expected, was for the shift of angle to brush past a spot inside of me I had only ever felt when Roman's fingers curled into me. But this was far greater, far more stimulating-- I let out a choked moan against Roman's lips, my eyes springing open as my head tilted back into the duvet, heaving for air as my legs gave in to a tremble. 

I didn't have to look up at him to know the exact look on his face, yet I dared to take a peek; he was too hot to resist. And there it was, those parted, perfect lips paired with that dark look in his green eyes of victory. This is exactly what he had wanted to reduce me to all along, wasn't it? Roman's hair had never been this messed up (courtesy of my hands), and the sheer look of it nearly made my heart swell. "Good tears?" he asked with a whisper, scanning the look in my eyes.

Fuck, yeah. I could only nod. 

Knowing Roman, I was wondering when he'd-- oh, hello, you. I was waiting for the eventual switch. A man like Roman Godfrey couldn't stay sweet forever. 

At the sight of my tears, I knew something new in him ignited. He placed a hand over my mouth, placing more of his weight on me as his other hand pulled me tighter against him, the wet snaps of his cock pushing into me growing louder as I moaned out against his palm. "Listen to this," he purred, a sinister smirk tugging at the corner of his lips as he made me listen to the sound of our union. "This is sex, you're damn right. This is what you'll be craving from me." 

God-- I squeezed my eyes shut, the continuous push of the tip of Roman's cock against my sweet spot inside sending my brain into a frenzy. 

"I get why you've been reserved... You'll never be who you were before this again," With a grunt, the next snap of his hips only grew harder, knowing I could take it and adjust. It certainly didn't help the tremble of my body. "Gonna get you fucking addicted to this feeling. To me. Cause you've given yourself to me now, do you-- do you realize that?"

My wet lashes fluttered as I slowly dared to open my eyes, my heart thumping harder than ever before. If only he knew how addicted I already was. 

"This is it," Roman breathed, the green hues of his gaze engulfing me; "This is us. This is you. This is who you are from now on. My girl... Only mine. Forever. Gonna help you cum on this cock, okay? Gonna give you the first time you deserve, h-hah--"

Something about the look in his eyes unnerved me, despite the hot nature of his words-- What? There were many ways for him to make me cum, surely, but the second my fingers started numbing up, my mind started flaring red with a passage from my most hated book;

The upir's ability to mesmerize is an ancient and powerful form of psychic influence, capable of bending a victim's will. This control often manifests subtly, with suggestions that feel like one's own thoughts. If one is being mesmerized by a upir, it is often accompanied by a stilling of one's inner monologue, or a numbing sensation. Prolonged exposure can lead to disorientation, memory lapses, and a gradual erosion of autonomy. The key to resisting lies in anchoring oneself to reality—through pain, strong emotions, or focusing on a meaningful object. Beware: once under an upir's thrall, distinguishing truth from illusion becomes a perilous challenge.

Beware. 

Beware.

The last time my fingers had numbed up like this, was the time Roman forced me to tell him what had happened between Jasmine and I. It felt like the autonomy of my thoughts evaporated, seeped out of my ears, and disappeared into Roman's grasp. 

However, at this moment right now, this moment of blinding pleasure and complete rapture of my soul and love, I wanted nothing more but this. I knew I wasn't being mesmerized of course, because upirs weren't real-- but as Roman kept my face still and my eyes on him, it felt like it. It was almost like I heard him telling me to cum. A few more thrusts were all it took, the complete transfixion of Roman's unnaturally dilated pupils swallowing me as I only saw green, green, green-- his hand quickly left my mouth to hear me cry out, a choked moan escaping me as the fear toppled me. This was an orgasm unlike anything else I had experienced, and I felt myself pulse around Roman's length, practically milking his cock as I struggled to grapple with the most intense climax of my life. "Fuck-- Fuck!" I whimpered, my nails digging further into his back as tears welled in my eyes. 

The mere sight of it was enough for Roman to nearly buckle over, and I was ripped out of the trance, heaving for air as he spilled into the condom, teeth grazing my shoulder as he tried to bite back his moans of pleasure, hips keening into my tight warmth. 

I slowly slid my hands off Roman's broad back, realizing we had both dripped sweat onto each other's skin as I hoped my breath would soon go back to normal. My body ached in a way it had never ached before, and I winced as Roman eventually pulled out of me with a sigh. 

There was a long moment after he rolled off of me where we simply gazed at each other. I watched the heave of his chest, the way his brown hair laid over his dangerous green eyes, and wondered how on earth I had been so lucky as to have him fall for me too.

However, suddenly, amid my awe, a small droplet of blood gathered at Roman's nose. To my surprise, he was completely unbothered. The look in his eyes told me he had an inkling this would happen, and it further confused me.

I leaned forward to wipe away the blood pooling at his upper lip with my thumb. "You're bleeding," I echoed, aware that I was stating the obvious.

Roman's eyes softened; "Are you, though?"

"... What do you mean?"

Shifting, he wrapped an arm around me, pulling me closer as his other hand slid between my legs, sliding a finger against the wetness of my sex as I squirmed, a short giggle escaping me as I nuzzled up against him. Roman then scanned his finger as I continued to wipe away the stream of blood coming from his nose, watching as it smeared against his cheek. He hummed; "You didn't bleed. At least that's good?"

"I guess?"

Roman kissed my bloodied thumb, a shaky breath escaping him at the taste of the iron; "How was that for you? You okay?"

If only he knew. "You were great," I purred, nipping at his jaw. "It was lovely, Rome."

He let out a breath; "Thank fuck," Roman murmured, visibly relieved. "And you were really damn sweet. I knew those fuck-me eyes would be the death of me... Sorry if it got a little intense at the end, there."

"No, no, that was-- fuck, that was so hot,"

Roman smiled. My sweet boy. Another kiss; "But now, there's one thing I wanted to do." He propped himself up on his elbow, and I closed my eyes as he made sure I laid with my back against the bed-- I was too tired to focus. The ache between my legs refused to subside, making me worried about the state of my thighs tomorrow. They better not fucking cramp up with every step, similar to the day after a hard session at the gym.

And just as I was about to ask him to return to me, to stop doing whatever the fuck he was doing, I suddenly felt a warm, slick substance drip onto my lower abdomen. With a gasp, I snapped out of my drowsiness, only to be met with the sight of Roman holding the condom above my stomach with a devilish grin, letting the content pour down on me.

He chuckled at the sight of my widened eyes, my speechless state-- "Didn't manage to cum here, as I said... so this will do,"

"Roman, for fuck's sake!" 

"What? You look good with my cum all over!--"

"Roman!"

"Fine!" he huffed. "Gonna go grab some wipes, I'll be right back. Anything else you need? Water?"

I wondered whether Roman realized how sweet he was being-- I glanced over at the candle flickering in the moonlight, the vial of my blood lying neatly next to it. The sight made my heart swell; God, how I loved him. It killed me that he couldn't know. I knew he'd run in the other direction if he did. "Water would be nice," I breathed, watching as Roman got dressed again. 

It all hit me like a wave, now;

The first time I got my heart broken, I had been at fault. 

The first time I got a black eye, I had swung the first punch.

But the first time I had sex? It had thankfully been with the man I loved. Still, I was sure the cosmic imbalance would catch up to me again and drag me back down into the dirt soon enough. 

But not right now.

Not right now.

Here, I was safe with Roman. The universe couldn't get me now, no-- not with the equivalent of the moon lying next to me. He had returned to me in no time, holding me close in his nearly immediate slumber after having lent me a shirt of his to sleep in. The cosmos wouldn't dare to touch me now. 

I adjusted the cover on top of us, kissing Roman's forehead; "Are you sleeping?" I whispered, poking his cheek with the gentlest of touches. 

No response. Phew. 

And just as I started to fade into sleep as well, I ran my thumb across the softness of his cheek. I connected our foreheads with a content sigh before I pressed my lips against his in a loving kiss. Roman looked so peaceful-- the universe wouldn't dare to take me now, wouldn't dare to wake him up. 

"I love you," I whispered like I would be put to death if I awoke him. With one last glance at the candle, my heavy lids fluttered as my heart cried;

"I love you,"

(a/n: thank you SO MUCH for reading this monster of a chapter!!<33 if you've made it all the way down here, all the other chapters are listed on my main page if you're interested!!<33 MWAH)

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[seokminfilm]

mystery of love | jeon wonwoo

🪄 pairing, jeon wonwoo x reader

🪄 warnings, non-idol au, fluff w a bit of angst, best friend's older brother trope, confession, mingyu is mentioned as wonwoo's sister's boyfriend, reader is a mess, open ending??

🪄 summary, sharing a bed with your best friend's older brother (who also doubles as your two-year crush) takes a turn for the better.

🪄 author's note, lots of people have been asking me for a part 2 to the professor wonwoo fic but i don't think i'm ever gonna write one, so here's my peace offering to you all 😭 ALSO this was WAYYY longer than i expected it to be BUT i still really like it!! i'm probably going to do a poll to see what type of fic lengths you all like...anyways, enjoy lyrnation! (and yes yuna is referencing the one and only @jjjjeonww 🤍)

🪄 now playing, mystery of love, sufjan stevens

🪄 word count, 2.1k | for @kstrucknet

"i've got to talk to you," yuna has a nervous look on her face, and you pull away from the conversation with mingyu, approaching her with a matching worry. "what's up?"

"so....apparently there's a mistake in the system," yuna sighs, walking up to you as you stare at her confused. "what do you mean by that?" you question nervously, and yuna sighs again, running a hand through her dark hair.

the four of you─you, your best friend, yuna, her boyfriend, mingyu, and her older brother (and your long-time crush), wonwoo─all went out of town to celebrate her acceptance into her dream college. she had been looking forward to the trip all semester, and now that she was out for a two-week break, the trip was underway.

everything was perfect on the way here─the weather was nice, the traffic was minimal, and the music wasn't that bad (mainly because wonwoo had the aux). even when you arrived at the upscale hotel, the vibe of the place was warm, and you couldn't wait to get in a warm bed and watch youtube to your heart's content.

apparently, that's not what was going to happen.

"the lady that helped us buy rooms swears up and down she has us paying for three, but the system only says we have two." yuna points to the recipt on her phone, clearly showing there were only two rooms reserved.

"so, what does that have to do with me?" you ask confusedly, and yuna glances at wonwoo, currently texting someone on his phone, listening to mingyu ramble half-heartedly.

"you and wonu are going to have to share a room." yuna coughs out, and you nearly squeal, eyes widening like saucers as you gasp loudly, directing the attention of a few patrons.

"share a room? with him? come on, yuna, you know i can't do that." you blush, rubbing the back of your neck shyly. yuna was aware of the two-year crush you've been harboring, and she's been overly supportive of it, doing everything in her power to push you together.

she was also aware of how shy you were when it came to her brother, and how complicated it made things when you were shy and wonwoo was usually closed off.

"this could be the night that finally sets it off for you too! plus, mingyu and i want to share a room tonight─" yuna pauses to sigh dreamily, to which you roll your eyes.

"wonwoo will kill mingyu if he does anything," you mutter under your breath, and yuna purposefully steps on your toes, earning a hiss from you.

"he's not going to know, so it doesn't matter." yuna states proudly, crossing her arms. "anyways─" she continues quickly. "─this could be the night that finally gets you and wonwoo together, and the lady at the desk is getting a bit pissy with how much mingyu and i have bothered her, so..."

yuna trails off, leaving you with a gobsmacked expression. imagine that: sharing a room with your best friend's brother who you also had a massive crush on. your night couldn't get more laughable than this.

"we'll take the rooms!" before you can stop yuna and beg her to not leave you with wonwoo, she's already taking the keys from the cranky lady, having mingyu take your luggage as the four of you reconvene.

"wonu, you don't mind sharing a room, right?" yuna asks her brother. wonwoo shrugs, his blank expression not very confirming as he nods. "i don't mind." his voice is still so shockingly deep, and it still makes you jump a little, hoping it wasn't noticeable.

(it was, as you saw wonwoo glance at you from the corner of his eye.)

"okay, cool! here's your room key! you two are right beside us, so just knock if you need anything! mingyu and i are gonna go for a snack." yuna hooks her arm into mingyu's muscled one, and you know your mouth is wide open, because mingyu mocks your expression before yuna pinches him, causing him to hiss to himself.

"why can't i go with you?" you plead, doing anything to stop yourself from having to stay behind with wonwoo─alone, mind you─and sleep in the same bed as him.

"this is a date, silly. it's for kim mingyu and jeon yuna only. are you one of those people?" mingyu teasingly asks, and you glare at him, eyes sharp as he chuckles. "that's what i thought."

"okay, now, bye!" yuna says quickly, giving you a not-so-discreet wink as she yanks mingyu back into the lobby.

now left alone in the awkwardly quiet hallway, wonwoo looks down at you. he's always towered over you, but now, it feels like he's gotten five inches taller (or it could just be the nervousness talking). his sharp eyes have hardly any emotion as he looks at you for a split second, and he just takes his backpack and your luggage in his arms, quietly heading to the room down the hall.

not knowing what else to do, you follow him from a distance, awkwardly fidgeting with your hoodie string as wonwoo fishes the key from his back pocket, unlocking the door with ease.

the two of you quietly pile into the nice furnished room, and wonwoo places your things down, backpack now on the floor as he yawns.

"you can go ahead and shower first, if you want. i can wait." wonwoo's voice is deep, bouncing off the walls of the room. you nod quickly, fishing through your drawstring backpack as you get your pajamas.

after your hot, ten-minute shower, you step out of the bathroom fully clean, quietly maneuvering your way around the room. wonwoo has his headphones in, reading a book as he sits on the bed. his posture is scarily straight, and so is his face─as if it's not 24/7.

his full lips are pressed shut, and his sharp eyes survey the pages slowly, taking in every word as he flips the pages a few minutes later. he's discarded his hat, short hair still scarily neat. wonwoo was really an attractive man, you thought to yourself. even if he didn't try to be, he was naturally distracting.

finally pulling yourself away from secretly admiring wonwoo's strong figure, you drop your clothes beside your suitcase, awkwardly grabbing your phone and climbing onto the bed.

wonwoo doesn't pull his attention away form his book once, and you sigh, preparing yourself for the worst as you pull up enough courage to tap his hand.

when you do so, it's soft and warm, making you blush at the tiny contact as wonwoo's eyes flick to yours. he takes his airpods out quickly, closing his book as he turns to you.

"are you done with your shower?" he asks simply, to which you nod.

"thanks for letting me go first, by the way. i was really tired, so it meant a lot." your words spill out from your lips faster than you want them too, and wonwoo cracks a small smile─a smile─at your blushed expression, nodding.

"no worries." wonwoo says, and you smile, watching him get up as he closes his book and places it on his bedside.

"oh, and wonwoo─" you start, surprised that the thought you were formulating in your head came out of your mouth. wonwoo stops short, turning back to face you as his piercing brown eyes lock with yours.

"i hope─i hope that you weren't offended by my overreaction or anything. i just..." you trail off, cheeks flaring hot as you sigh. "i didn't think we would have to share rooms. it just caught me off guard."

why were you specifying this? you didn't really know. you really did care so much about what wonwoo thought about you that even the natural reactions you had always had to be justified to wonwoo. you really were in love with this man─so in love it was painful to watch.

wonwoo shakes his head, cracking another small smile as his deep voice replies. "it's fine. i mean, yuna didn't really try that hard to fix the problem, and it was unexpected. i'm not hurt by it," wonwoo takes his glasses off, revealing that side of him you only rarely saw early in the morning or late at night.

"oh─oh, okay good." you hold an awkward thumbs up (why did you even hold that stupid thumb up?), and wonwoo matches your energy, holding your gaze for a bit longer before grabbing his sleeping clothes and heading into the bathroom.

sighing and considering suffocation by a pillow, you settle for just trying your hardest to go to sleep, closing your eyes and turning on rain sounds. you could deal with your racing heart tomorrow morning.

your heart did not wait until tomorrow morning.

your phone was dimmed, but even when you turned it on, it was too bright for you. glancing at your screen, you saw it was 12:15 am, and it felt like it too. the hotel was completely quiet, save for the distant hum of a tv and the crackling of the air conditioner.

wonwoo's sleeping beside you, breaths deep and steady as he stays bundled up under the blanket. his eyes are closed peacefully, lips still as he sleeps. he has an oversized shirt on and matching sweatpants, decently covered (thank god) but still comfortable.

sighing, you stare at him, saying nothing as you watch his slight movements. wonwoo really was a beautiful human being, sculpted perfectly by whatever higher being there could be. everything was perfect about him, from his thick eyebrows to his strong nose, and everything in between.

"are you okay?" wonwoo's voice is raspy and deep from disuse, and it makes you freeze in your bed, surprised and embarrassed.

"yeah, i'm okay. i just can't sleep," you sigh, and wonwoo turns on the lamp on his bedside table. it lights up the whole room in a warm, golden glow, and illuminates the dark room, which you're grateful for.

"me too. i guess all those energy drinks mingyu bought haven't worn off just yet." wonwoo rubs at his bare eyes, and you laugh, sighing into the sheets.

"why were you drinking all the ones mingyu wouldn't finish? i thought you were stopping the whole energy drink thing," you remark, and wonwoo doesn't say anything, looking at you as he weakly smiles.

"i did say that, didn't i?" he questions, and you laugh again, nodding. "you did."

the two of you laugh together, and the tension in the room seems to fall to nothing for just a split second. your heart is still hammering in your chest, but it's because you're happy. being with wonwoo in this moment doesn't feel like you were forced by your circumstance to sleep in the same bed with him. it feels domestic, in a way, natural in the way you're looking at wonwoo like he hung the stars in the sky.

for the past two years, you had always wondered why you had a crush on jeon wonwoo. he was completely different from your best friend and your usual type─he was quiet, studious, low-energy, and emotionally stable. wonwoo was rarely moved by outside factors and always seemed to keep to himself, minding his own business and going his own way when he felt he needed to.

you had finally found why you loved him so much tonight, in this moment.

wonwoo was everything you needed in your life─you needed someone to bring balance, and he was perfect for the job. you admired him for who he was and admired him because he was what you wanted to be. you wanted wonwoo because he made you want yourself. he made you want yourself to be the best person you could be.

for yuna, for him, and for most importantly─yourself.

"you're thinking about something." wonwoo says softly, voice deep and pressing as you nod slightly, inhaling and exhaling. "i am."

"i'm thinking..." you trail off, rethinking everything. you could lay everything down right here, telling wonwoo how you feel. so many things could change from tonight─change from right now, or you could ignore it all, going back to the way it was before.

why would you do that? you've gotten so far now.

"i'm thinking about how much i love you." your voice is barely a whisper, and you swallow, eyes filling with tears as you finally mutter the words you had been waiting to mutter for two years.

"i'm thinking about how much i love you and want to be with you." you add, and wonwoo turns to face you, eyes so soft they feel like feathers dancing across your skin.

"i was thinking of the same thing." wonwoo says lowly, smiling at you. his arm is just inches away from yours, and you know it too, growing the courage to reach out and hold his hand.

your hand fits in wonwoo's perfectly, and at that moment, you feel like a piece of you is finally complete.

[mudanonaito]

Magilumiere Magical Girls Inc. || Hitomi Koshigaya

[the-daily-dreamer]

The thing about the breakdown of the Rhaenicent relationship that is talked about but I think is still severely overlooked is the key role that both girls/women (specifically Rhaenyra) play in its destruction.

Because the fandom focuses in on this narrative that the relationship broke down solely because of the ambitions of men. And aside from that fueling the annoying idea that all women are inherently passive victims that suffer because men are ambitious and violent, it’s simply wrong.

While the catalyst was certainly Otto’s ambition and Viserys’s weakness (and perversion), Rhaenyra and Alicent’s relationship truly breaks down because of Rhaenyra’s entitlement, self-serving nature, and inability to see outside of herself and her experiences and Alicent’s (in my opinion reasonable) reactions toward this over time.

The beginning of the break down comes from Otto forcing Alicent to comfort the king and Viserys knowing his desire for her is wrong and forcing her to keep quiet about their visits until he decides to marry her without her prior knowledge or consent. And Rhaenyra (and the fandom) sees this as the ultimate betray against her by Alicent. Rhaenyra holds more resentment against Alicent for the engagement than she does against her father. Why is this? Some might say that it’s because she’s closer with Alicent and therefore would expect more from her than her father (whose relationship with her has been broken by the murder death of her mother). But I don’t think that’s fully the case.

While Rhaenyra having a higher expectation of Alicent may be a reason for her increased and unequal resentment, I think the main reason is that Rhaenyra cannot fathom Alicent could do this because she has never been in this position. Rhaenyra sees this as Alicent being complicit in the deceit and seduction because Rhaenyra would simply rebel. She can’t understand why Alicent wouldn’t simply say “no” to her father or betray the king for her. Rhaenyra’s world view is very blinded by her privilege. She simply thinks Alicent should and could defy her own father because…Rhaenyra has and will again. Rhaenyra is able to disobey her father and get away with it so why can’t Alicent? Ignoring the fact that a crown princess has vastly more power than the daughter of the hand, Viserys is a weak and compliant parent compared to Otto’s manipulative and stern nature. It’s easy for Rhaenyra to disobey because the consequences are either nonexistent or very mild. Alicent doesn’t have this luxury and privilege but Rhaenyra can’t conceive of it.

But also, Rhaenyra sees her father as…her dad. Not the king. Rhaenyra sees it as easy to defy him and his orders because he is her father first and her king second. But for Alicent that is the king. The most powerful man in the world. Defying him could have disastrous consequences for her and her father. But because Rhaenyra doesn’t force herself to see things from another’s perspective, she doesn’t see it as Alicent being beholden to the man who could (if he wanted to) ruin her family or kill her and her father but rather her friend not betraying her dad.

After this we see Alicent be the one to continuously try to extend an olive branch and support Rhaenyra behind the scenes. Asking for Rhaenyra to have the option to choose who she marries (a privilege and kindness Alicent, herself, and every other woman in this universe hasn’t had). Reaffirming Rhaenyra as the right choice for heir when Viserys is questioning his decisions. Defending Rhaenyra against rumors that would damage her reputation. And all Alicent gets in return is snark, anger, and lies (leading to Alicent’s isolation and suffering in court).

Which leads to event two that breaks the relationship: Rhaenyra’s entitled behavior and lying. Alicent spends a great deal of her time coinciding her husband in favor of Rhaenyra. But Rhaenyra, seeing herself as exceptional and above the rules, continuously acts out in ways that hurt her standing. Most especially with her decision to go out and try to sleep with daemon and then pushing Criston to sleep with her.

Alicent is the one to be transparent with Rhaenyra about the “rumor” to get her side. Something Viserys would simply not care enough to do. Rhaenyra, knowing her actions being confirmed would be disastrous, tells half truths to Alicent who is all too eager to believe and support her friend. Even worse, she uses the memory of her mother, something she knows Alicent holds incredibly sacred, to further convince Alicent that she’s telling the truth. And this decision by Rhaenyra to lie (over something she knows Alicent holds dear and has used multiple times to try to connect with her) to protect herself directly harms Alicent as her father and only ally in court is kicked out and ostracized. But that’s not Rhaenyra’s concern. While Alicent has given a lot of effort to protect and defend Rhaenyra, Rhaenyra is far too focused on her on wishes and desires to care about the impacts her choices have on anyone else.

And that’s why when Alicent finds out that it was a lie, a lie that got her father taken away from her, she goes full scorched earth and wears the green dress. Because she realizes that Rhaenyra will never stop being entitled and self-serving. She realizes that all this time and effort she has put into fixing things with Rhaenyra and defending her is completely one sided. Because Rhaenyra can only see things from her perspective and can only see things based on how she can benefit even to the detriment of others (herself, her father, Criston, etc.).

Then the final nail in the coffin is the birthing of bastards. At this point Alicent has had her eyes opened to how Rhaenyra will do as she pleases without considering the consequences (to herself and others) and then she watches Rhaenyra flagrantly birth obvious bastard after obvious bastard, pushing the children she was forced to have further and further down the line of succession behind kids who objectively should not have the throne. And it makes her bitter and jealous and as she should be. The fandom is too obsessed with marking Alicent as the reason the relationship was destroyed because she was unnecessarily jealous of poor Rhaenyra who was just so brave to do as she pleased!

But it’s a spit in the face to Alicent. That Alicent was pimped out and forced the have children with a man she didn’t love at the ripe old age of 15 hole Rhaenyra is free to take a lover and birth obvious bastards and get away with it. She has every right to be angry. Not because she thinks all women should be submissive and bend to patriarchy. Because she is watching how privileged Rhaenyra is before her very eyes while she was forced to suffer the way almost every other woman has.

While I acknowledge that Viserys and Otto are the catalyst for the breakdown of Rhaenyra and Alicent’s relationship. Rhaenyra’s flagrant disregard for others and her entitlement are what truly break the relationship until Alicent is no longer willing to be submissive and accepting of Rhaenyra’s behavior. And this in turn, causes her to make choices that service her and her children. The way Rhaenyra has always done and always will.

The breakdown of rhaenicent was always inevitable regardless of which men were involved. Because at their core, Rhaenyra would always put herself first and Alicent would always come to the realization she is no longer willing to be a doormat.

[meracyn]

aaaahahhhj ur already one of my fav writers ur so funny 😭 reading ur work makes my dau sm better

if u dont mind can u write hcs of kaito being shuichis wingman? shuichi tells kaito he has feelings for the reader but is too nervous to ask them out, so kaito decides to take matters into his own hands and help him plan moments where shuichi can confess his feelings

also can I be mochi anon?

༊ matchmaker ! ༘

synopsis turns out other than being the ultimate astronaut, kaito ends up as shuichi's wingman to help ask you out. warnings cursing, kaito (platonic!) x reader, no love triangle lol author’s notes THIS MADE ME SO HAPPY TYSM I CANT STOP RUNNING LAPS AROUND MY HOUS TY ANON AND YES YOU CAN 🙏 btw this request is so CUTE UGH

off topic but i was about to post this accidentally lmao

ok sorry giys back on topic

when kaito hears shuichi tell him he has feelings for you, he immediately whacks him on the back, congratulating him

“congrats shuichi! you’re becoming a real man!”

cue shuichi debating whether or not he regrets ever telling kaito about his lil crush

now when they both see you around, kaito tells him to go up to you and just confess

“oh look there’s y/n! go ahead and tell ‘em how you feel!” like some dad or something

shuichi refuses, feeling too nervous to even go up to you, so he tries to avoid you and kaito’s pressure to just confess already

which might give you the wrong idea that he doesn’t want to talk to you :(( he’s just so overwhelmed with his feelings that being around you makes his heart want to burst

its ok though kaito motivates him by giving him long pep talks and support, thinking about ways shuichi can get your attention and like him back

although they both dont know you already do lmao

it does help shuichi but his confidence goes away the moment he sees you

“okay i think i got this now, im nervous but im sure i can tell them how i feel”

kaito feels so proud and pushes shuichi further as soon as they spot you nearby

“you got this! remember what i taught you!” kaito says to him before going to hide somewhere to watch the scene unfold

shuichi nervously walked over to you and took a deep breath, closing his eyes

“hey shuichi, do you need something?” you asked with a smile

as soon as he opened his eyes it all went away

poof

just freezes entirely not saying anything

“are you okay?” you asked after a solid minute

“i....have to go” ran off lmao

kaito is so disappointed 😔

“you almost had it man! it was your chance! what would y/n think about you now?” kaito sighs

so now they have to think of another plan

kaito probably turns into a secret detective, watching you from afar to see what your likes and dislikes are

has to be careful or he’ll be called out as a stalker 😭

as soon as he knows enough he gives ‘hints’ to shuichi

“oh wow, looks like something y/n would like” trying to be all sneaky about it

kaito would also “arrange” hangouts between the three of you and suddenly give some shitty excuse to leave you both alone

“you have to learn my son”

“kaito what the fu–”

jk that wouldnt happen

imagining shuichi saying that though is so funny for some reason

sorry i got distracted

back on topic

scolds shuichi for chickening out at the last moment, saying how he had a lot of work to do and stuff

eventually gets tired of shuichi’s bullshit

“alright shuichi do you want to earn y/n’s love? then man up! you aren’t some little kid anymore to run away from your feelings, today is the day you’ll confess, got it? i’ll help you out”

kaito makes shuichi write you a note and leave it in your locker, about meeting each other at the school’s rooftop

before you arrive kaito supports him by telling him what to say, and act towards you

“listen shuichi, this has to be perfect, ya hear me!? it’s now or never! if you don’t man up now, someone else will steal them, do you want that?” kaito got stressed too 😭 mans wants this to be over with already

as you got there, shuichi was standing there mentally preparing himself

“the view is so pretty from up here” you said, trying to make conversation

shuichi took a deep breath, “yeah..um, y/n, i invited you here because...well...uh...i need to tell you something” shuichi starts, trembling slightly

this guy is sweating bullets and his face feels so hot

you, on the other hand was patiently waiting for what he had to say

“..i admire you a lot. there’s so much to admire about you, really–” taking a deep breath he continued, “from your strength, to courage and kindness.. and..because of that.. i developed feelings for you...what i mean to say is i like you y/n, more than a friend”

silence

he did it

HE DID IT‼️‼️‼️

kaito can barely contain his excitement as he silently cheered, he just has a sense that told him shuichi did it

you may imagine what your response is lol

shuichis so happy now

RELIEVED ASF

‘i finally did it, they like me back what do i do now do i hug them or ask if we’re officially together or or or’ — shuichis mind rn

“well..do you wanna go out sometime this week? just the two of us?” you asked

“ah..of course” shuichi is so happy he doesnt even know how to act

all giddy and shi lmao

hes probably the type to scream into his pillow when he gets a text from his crush out of happiness

and acts as if nothing happened afterwards

he needs to show he can be a dominant male 🐺

jokes jokes dont hate me pls

we cant just casually ignore the fact kaito was a w wingman

so once he gets out of his ‘hiding’ place hes already whacking shuichi on the back and saying they need to go out to celebrate

kaito is w

[whispereons]

HI, I absolutely love your writing. I've read the whole thing twice.

But I'm suuppper curious on how each nation worships the creator like for inazuma it is sacrifices to the creator. I want to know how monstate, sumeral and the other nations tradition worship the creator.

I don't know how you could read it more then once. I wrote the damn thing and even I get tired of it. That's so sweet!

It makes me really happy to hear that you're interested in the concept! I don't think there's much harm in giving some info considering my pace.

Mondstadt is one that really interesting as you can see it has some strong Christianity ties, specifically Catholism. Prayers, procedures, and suppers. Genshin itself doesn't play much into it as their 'religion' is aligned with their Archons who are physical beings/rulers. That's why they'd take a more traditional role with the Creator as the Creater is supposedly not tangible. Their way of worship is what I mentioned earlier but the oracle will encounter something specific to say the least. (I'm so excited to write that part).

Sumeru has a different theme that is tied to rebirth (nahida, being freed of the disease, the dendritic dragon, her children, etc) but what is also a big theme is just how divided the people of Sumeru are. As they had multiple rulers in different areas, there's a lot of fractions. The scholars, soldiers, merc, king desheret followers, and even jinnis from the flower goddess. Inazuma had the official Civil War but Sumeru did it way better. (Maybe cause Nahida actually gave a shit about her country but whatever). Point is, is that many of them don't view others as human or equal. Thus the Creator of all is the one thing that does provide some form of humanity to each. Yes they have different leaders but their god is one in the same, the Creator. Thus the people of Sumeru have to be old enough to make the conscious decision to follow the Creator and be 'reborn' as the Creator's follower by going through a ritual. In order to pass the ritual you must offer the greatest fruit of your labor and swear that from then on you must continue to always offer the greatest fruit. (Fruit is subjective to each person ofc). I uh wanted to go on more but I'll leave Sumeru at that.

If you do want more then I'm willing to talk about Natlan and Fontaine too. Maybe even explain a bit better about Inazuma and Liyue since I left them mostly in the context of the story lol.

[systemcanid]

Solver/Cyn note.

Cyn gave the DDs new bodys to better take out the competition (other solver users). But why didn’t she try to take other hosts? She tried with Nori, but that didn’t really go well. The humans were the ones to give her access. She had the humans taken care of with ease buuut one issue. Yeva. She knew what was happening based on her own experiences. She knew that this wasn’t Nori’s solver but something else.

How? The color of the visor. Nori’s regular solver is purple. Cyn’s bright yellow stood out too much in the now diversified visor colors. Making it harder to blend in even if she had better access. As we know, Cyn is a shitty actor. Any differences to the visual appearance would not help any especially now that she knows there are other users.

“Didn’t Cyn take over in episode 4 with Uzi?” No. Cyn was observing. Uzi’s visor never went yellow. The solver virus allowed Cyn limited access. Even as the administrator while she was still so far away.

I like to think of the solver as an executable that behaves differently in different systems. That episode was started by Uzi’s jealousy over not fitting in after N and V were so easily accepted even after killing so many drones. Even one right in front of them in that episode. A second later on. That caused her to overheat. It swapped to fear as the solver started going haywire. The more fear it was fed, the less control Uzi had over her solver.

HER solver being the key. Every user has their own. Even if it goes haywire, it’s still part of their program. Not someone else’s control. We only see different after Cyn comes to the copper 9 as Tessa. The nulls start to show up in dead end when Uzi tries to use her solver and you get a moment where Cyn briefly does get control before she passes out on the table. Getting her yellow visor and all. Cyn is only able to do that because she’s in the area.

Best example I got is a Bluetooth connection. Closer you are, stronger the signal. Further, the more chance you have of losing that connection. If you have headphones or speakers with that function, you can understand the frustration of going to another room only to realize that your headphones disconnected and you left your device in the other room.

In the elevator, you see Uzi struggling to fight Cyn’s control. Cyn was trying to convince N how dangerous Uzi was, putting them in more danger and stressing Uzi out even more to make her lose control again. In mass destruction, at the chapel, you see Cyn, after realizing N can’t be swayed to take Uzi out, toy with Uzi. Resting the sword on her core. Adding more stress as now, she wants Uzi as a host. Still acting as Tessa to keep the act up. She needed Uzi to give into her fear and stress to give her an opportunity to take over as she was overheating.

When N gets Nori riled up, Uzi learns she CAN fight back and resist the ping. That it is possible to remain in control and that allows her to be a little more confident an calmer. Cyn needed Uzi stressed because her pings are not as effective when drones are in their right mind. When in the hallway, hiding from Cyn, both her and N have responses to the ping. For N, he starts having the effects of a panic attack (and possibly ptsd flashbacks?) while you still see flashes of yellow in Uzi’s visor. Uzi seeing N needs her allows her to focus on helping him and both of them can stay calmer.

After Uzi shows up to save V and N is the best example. Uzi’s confidence has skyrocketed. So much that when Cyn tries to ping her again, she’s able to reverse it. Cyns the one that’s stressed now. Frustrated by V going against her, N’s core being knocked out of her hands by a worker drone, and now Uzi showing up after she tried to get rid of her.

My point being, Cyn is the admin of the DDs. But it’s the solver that provides the potential. Cyn failed because she relied on the ping too much. Wanting to use other drones like toys how she saw Tessa as doing. When that failed, she did still have a lot to use and still be a major threat, even manipulating Uzis feelings towards N against her when she was hit with the pickax. It was her once again reusing one trick over and over that took her out.

She once again is a shitty actor. She really didn’t have to act much on earth. She mainly relied on brute force and her pings. The humans posed no threat to her or her drones. Unfortunately, even tho the improve she did as Eldritch J did help her projections be a lot more convincing, the tell comes in during the swap/start of them. The glitches.

Uzis learned to look for them and predict her movements. Allowing her to directly snatch her core and end up eating it. Cyn did get part of what she wanted though. She got to stay close to N as part of Uzi. Still they are separate. Uzi is now admin and now has access to Cyn’s solver and possibly others based on how many Cyn has eaten. Just makes me want so much more.

[nullystic]

Flicker in not so flicker places

Wow sed, what happened to Minji and Liling and why do they have totally awesome fits

They are dressed as Pierrot and Columbina, Pierrot is known to be quite the melancholic character, a sad clown if you will. And Columbina is his wife, and mainly his love interest, unfortunately theres a BITCH NAMED HARLEQUIN and DON JUAN that takes away his lovers so Pierrots pretty sorrowful. Liling is better though she doesnt do allat

Minjierrot started in a little drawing of mine, what a cutie!!

The references ive taken for both drawings because im unoriginal

[mingus-archives]

What was Napoleon Usher's fatal flaw? the Guilt and Gifts of the Wealthy

I've been sitting on this, but I've seen a few posts associating the Usher children to the seven deadly sins and I've seen him labeled as gluttonous or slothful, and while I see the reasoning I don't think either alone lines up.

So what was Napoleon "Leo" Usher representing?

Let's begin with his role in the Usher family. He was one of the "bastard children," a classic middle child mostly just minding his own. He doesn't have any extreme ambitions and doesn't really bother with the dynamics and drama beyond being there. He runs a video game design company, and seems to do so pretty well (or at least not notably badly or corruptly). In fact, in the first few episodes of The Fall of the House of Usher he's one of the most if not the most endearing and empathetic of the Ushers through his support and guidance of Prospero as Prospero tries to establish a position of his family. He is arguably also the most visibly upset by Prospero and Camille's deaths.

Now, he's obviously not all good. In the classic horror establishing of ones wrongs sequence, we see that he is hiding an affair from his boyfriend, Julius. A woman sleeps with him due to his fame, and he shoves her out on the balcony to keep her from view of Julius. He partakes in several types of drugs, and happily shares them with Prospero, Julius, and Camile. Still, infidelity and drug usage are certainly not great, but are they worth the vicious torment he undergoes? Are they worth the wrath of Verna, who we know only violently kills if she feels one deserves it due to their actions? Plenty of non-wealthy people have affairs and plenty of non-wealthy people use drugs.

Then, we see him violently kill his boyfriend's cat. Well, we don't see it actually. Instead, he wakes up from a drug trip and realizes the cat is stabbed to death in Julius's apartment, assumed to be by Leo's hands. This is striking; why not show Leo in a violent frenzy? Well, the violence is secondary. Instead, the show focuses on Leo frantically cleaning up the cat's body and the gory scene around it.

Leo quickly goes to a pet shelter, where he meets Verna. He wants to replace the cat with an identical cat. Immediately we're shown a darker version of Leo, we realize that he does not care about the cat and does not even seem to think that Julius would not be able to recognize a new cat from his old one. Moreover, he's covering up his crime further. He's hiding the violence. Then, he finds the identical cat. Verna insists the cat is reserved and cannot be purchased/adopted. But Leo insists, aggressively, offering to buy the cat at higher price and, when that doesn't work, by the whole shelter.

In this moment, he dooms himself to a brutal death, and solidifies himself as the flaw of hiding the problem with money. He is the most "normal, well-adjusted" Usher, but when push comes to shove and he fucks up instead of facing them like a real person he can make problems disappear with money.

But I want to go further.

I want to talk about the cat in the walls.

Because although Leo makes his problem disappear with money, he's not the only one to do so. Camille uses her money and influence much more explicitly to spin the media in favor of the Ushers and hide the truth of the Usher's and Fortunado's wrongdoings. So why is he the one cursed into Poe's the Cat in the Walls?

Now, I have not read much Poe, but I know the Cat in the Wall tells the story of a man who kills his cat (also named Pluto like Julius's) when it bites him and is then haunted by an identical cat. The story is often considered a representation of guilt, and how it eats one up even if the evidence of the guilt's cause is hidden. The man in the original story kills his wife as well, and it ends with him hiding the wife in the wall. And in this we see why The Cat in the Wall is Leo's story: Leo's downfall is one of the guilt of the gifts of wealth.

Prior to Leo's death, he is tormented by the cat, who randomly attacks him and gives him "gifts" of dead animals. It is here we see the warped generosity of wealth, how it gives but in awful, gruesome ways. The fake Pluto gives him these animal corpses that Leo has to repeatedly clean up, echoing his initial cleanup of the original Pluto's corpse. More than that, the corpses resemble the mangled bodies of his own siblings: Camille and Prospero. Therefore, the gifted corpses can be said to represent Leo's own grief towards his siblings, whose deaths were both awfully violent and quickly swept under the rug. He's finally seeing the horror of wealth as a solution.

Re-framing Leo's initial wrongdoings under this lens, we see that the issue of infidelity is not the infidelity itself, but the wealth and fame that Leo clings to through his infidelity (i.e. sleeping with his "fans"). The issue of his drug use is not the drugs, but the fact that he uses expensive, designer drugs to repress his own emotions and reality instead of facing them.

As his grief and paranoia escalates, he becomes more and more physically harmed by the cat. These cat scratches are key not for the harm but for the infection. Leo's guilt is infecting him slowly, one cut at a time. One hidden mistake, one disappeared issue at a time. Camille was right that "Ushers don't make things" but Ushers also don't fix things. They just throw money at something until the problem disappears. Even if, as Leo realizes, that problem is one of their own.

This is perhaps best represented with Leo's final moments, when he grabs a hammer and begins destroying the walls of his home, shouting, "I can buy a new wall! I can buy a new loft! I can even get Hemsworth to send me a new hammer!" This is why Leo falls: because even though his distress and issues are a direct cause of his wealth, he's still trying to solve it with wealth. He's still viewing the wealth as a shield even when it's a knife. It is similar to how the photo of Verna changes: he sees a solution (a cat identical to Pluto) when the reality is a rat (resembling one of fake Pluto's corpse gifts).

Napoleon Usher was perhaps the most well-adjusted Usher, but that is his downfall. He wants to solve his problems and help his loved ones, but the shortcut money provides is too alluring. His residual humanity (his care for his siblings and Julius) cries out in him as he tries to cover it up with cash. The sound in the walls was not the cat, but his own conscience.

[doppel-doodles]

Got a few here so brace yourself bestie-

𝗰𝗮𝗶𝗽𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗵𝗮 〜 what does your oc’s voice sound like?

𝗺𝗮𝗻𝗵𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗮𝗻 〜 what kind of people does your oc hate the most?

𝗯𝗹𝘂𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝘄𝗮𝗶𝗶 〜 does your oc speak any other language(s)? if they didn’t learn to speak the language(s) when they were growing up, when and why did they learn it?

𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗰𝗼𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗶 〜 does your oc’s name or design reference anything? i.e. music, movies, etc.

𝗱𝗶𝗿𝘁𝘆 𝗯𝗮𝗻𝗮𝗻𝗮 〜 post a song or a lyric that fits your oc

𝗵𝗮𝗿𝘃𝗲𝘆 𝘄𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗯𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿 〜 post some images or a moodboard that fit your oc’s aesthetic

𝗴𝗿𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗵𝗼𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗿 〜 describe your oc’s personality

For Jú, Ming and Baí :>>> Have fuunnnnn

OH TAMMY MY BEAUTIFUL FRIEND I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON YOU

AHEM-

Ming

Caipirinha

I imagine Mings voice as really loud and bold, the kind that just GRABS your attention, I also think he doesn't have a really deep voice(puberty skipped him lol), a good fit would be Polites from Epic for the general vibe but he is definitely a bit more brash than him and talks way faster.

Manhattan

Wukong-

Nah,nah I'm jesting.

I feel like the one type of person Ming would immediately not like is those who take what they have for granted and demand more, it's the greed these people possess that would piss him off so much considering he had little to nothing that's just a punch in the gut.

So it grinds his gears even more when there is zero appreciation.

Blue Hawaii

Nope, he only ever spoke Chinese in the context of his lmk/jttw story:D

Chocolate Martini

Technically Ming references my other oc Klara in his design, his human one anyway, sharing her color pallet and even the name has the same meaning as hers which is "bright"! In his ghost form the blood dripping from his mouth also a reference to his death:}

Dirty Banana

I will throw in a whole bit of a song alongside some lyrics cause I feel like it:

"Gone from living feeces to your priority, funny how much more you notice something that you can't see."

"A whole garden of flowers and my name etched on a rock all this could've been avoided all i wanted was to talk."

"Now that I've been appointed as your new king I decree that it's too late to start caring about me."

From the song "Hansel" by Sodikken

"This life is amazing! If you greet it with open arms!"

From "Open Arms" from the Troy saga of Epic the musical

"Thanks for nothing."

"Swallow your poison make me numb, I don't care if my heart stops."

From "Poison" by Jayn

Harvey Wallbanger

Grasshopper

I would describe Mings personality as that of a caretaker, very kind and nurturing, he is always thinking of others to the point the only thoughts he spares himself are negative ones, he is also the most emotionally mature even if it doesn't seem like it, when it matters it is he who is always the bigger person.

This persists to how he is now but he definitely lost a lot of his optimism, he is more melancholic, more soft and slow. Less impulsive and always three steps ahead of everyone while sleeping with both eyes open as that once boundless trust is gone.

Shattered to bits.

Baí

Caipirinha

I have already made a voice claim for Baí with this animatic and honestly I genuinely think it's a perfect match, it's a very smooth voice and sounds absolutely menacing and condescending when it wants to be but it's also just enchanting at the same time! Very charming indeed.

Once again not too deep either and carries the same kind of calm I think is very signature to Baí.

Manhattan

It's people who seek conflict and cruelty without any rhyme or reason, it's the people who treat those they dont understand with disdain and disgust and it's the people who abuse and force their will upon others.

Baí hates monsters who call themselves humans.

Blue Hawaii

He speaks a lot! Chinese,Korean,Russian honestly just a bunch of countries surrounding Chinese borders.

He has been alive for so long and travelled so much, he definitely saw more of the world than most. And of course every new place meant he had to fit in, he definitely isn't fluent in all of them but he speaks many decent enough.

Chocolate Martini

Just like with Ming, Baí references my other oc Katie who is infact Klaras twin sister!

They also share a colour pallet and the same name meaning, in their case it means "pure". But Baí also has a reference to LBD as on the back of his jacket he has a ribcage embroidered on it which glows to!:}

Dirty Banana

"I remember you from a dream I thought was true, you bright with magic and I blindedby my youth."

"All I wish is, for your hand to hold, you see. Only your smile kills the dark in me."

"Was I a fool to trust in those lies?"

From AmaLees cover of "Magia" from Madoka Magica

"It's my devotion that cuts me open time again."

From "Devotion" by AmaLee

You want a taste of my brain? Okay. It's yours anyway."

From "Misery Meat" by Sodikken

"Be my mentor be, be my guide, show me where to run and where to hide."

"I know you would've known just what to do, with all the things that life coukd throw at you."

From "Alarm Call" by The Correspondents

Harvey Wallbanger

Grasshopper

Baí is defined by his serenity as a character, he is calm and composed yet just always a little mischievous, he comes across as scheming all the time. He is also almost always cared for by someone else so he is very reliant on other people, he can't really make decisions by himself as his life was always that other people make those choices for him.

And despite that he keeps people away from him emotionally, there is a wall there a strange sense of professionalism I guess?

No doubt tho he is creative, with flashy outfits and the flawless confidence of a model with just the right amount of sass to be classy.

Jú

Caipirinha

Obviously I want Jú's voice to be siren levels of beautiful but that isn't a very good description ey? So I thought a little more for what I truly wanted.

I picture a kinda gender neutral voice if that makes sense? Not so high pitch yet also not deep, right in the middle. Her tone is also extremely monotone and dry, she borderline sounds sarcastic without meaning to.

I want something commanding yet soft spoken, stern if you will.

Manhattan

Honestly I can see her hate those who exploit the ones who are naive, coming from the entertainment buisness this practice is normalised to a worrying degree.

Blue Hawaii

She doesn't speak many other languages with any kind of fluency other than maybe English since she is Yúnlü manger and handles a lot of the buisness matters for her and those can be international given her fame.

I think she does listen to a lot of different kinds traditional music from different cultures so she might've picked up a few words and phrases but nothing more.

Chocolate Martini

The stripes of her pants forming these rectangles refrence her "sturdy" personality as she is the most straight laced of her group.

Her colors also reference the bright oranges of her younger years now having dulled down to shades of brown.

Also her human fro references lyrics from the song "Queen of Kings" by Alessandra AHEM-

"Got raven hair, as dark as night."

"Icy eyes, outta sight, outta sight."

Dirty Banana

"I'm calling you like a Siren."

From "Siren" by AmaLee

"What role am I playing? A fool or humble gir? What mask am I wearing, does it cry or feel above the world?"

From "Entertaining" by HalaCG

"Belladonna,belladonna,belladonna,belladonna. Dangerous,addictive don't come here unless you wanna."

From "Belladonna" by Ava Max

"She,queen of the kings,runni' so fast,beatin' the wind. Nothi' in this world can stop the spread of her wings."

From "Queen of Kings" by Alessandra

Harvey Wallbanger

Grasshopper

Jú is the responsible one. You can count on her to get crap done but there isn't much fun on the side, she is no nonsense,dry, straight faced and seems perpetually either annoyed or disappointed by everything. While it definitely is not truly like that her reactions leave much to be desired by.

She is confident without being cocky but still fades into the background very easily and she doesn't seem to mind that, if anything she prefers it.

Has stopped putting in much effort into her relationships, or better put she is afraid to do so let alone seek out new ones, having become an introverted shut in who drowns herself in work.

Despite her dry exterior she is no robot tho, beneath it hides someone who can be the most genuine,caring and vulnerable person around.

[disappearance-of-the-girl]

One week and four days in, and yet the right words still fail to come to mind. I have never been good with words, so no surprise there. Even back when I had my little one-direction blog on Tumblr all those years ago as a teenager, I hung in the background and rarely ventured into interacting with others, shy as I was.

But now I have found myself back here, shiny new blog and all, if only to find a space to unload this mass of emotions and jumbled thoughts. Funny how one devastating moment can send someone running back to a place that felt like home.

The moment I heard about Liam Payne's death was about as unremarkable as it could have been, and yet so entirely overwhelming. I am sure it will be clear in mind for a long time to come. Big girl me was stuck in a work meetings all day, so I was entirely clueless to what was going on in the world. So imagine my surprise when I get in the car after work and turn on the radio and they were uncharacteristically playing One Direction songs, when normally they would be playing popular NEW songs. I was little confused, but happy to hear some of my favorite songs.

And then as I was driving they mentioned honoring Liam Payne from One Direction. And then they mentioned his death. I have never gotten such a terrible feeling of whiplash and feeling so numb at the same time. Driving back home in rush hour traffic and hearing this news? Not fantastic.

It is so strange to think that I've been going about my life for more than a decade not realizing how huge a part that Liam and the other boys had in shaping my late high school and early college years. And yet here I am, all grown up, with a big girl job, still jamming to all of their songs, both group and individual, as I go about my life. And I know that will never change.

Liam will always have a place on my playlists, and in my heart.

It feels like the end of an era. Like something so wonderful has come to an end. But I know that I and so many others will make sure that Liam will not fade from memory. You don't just forget someone who was such a hug part of your formative years.

Nothing that I can say will do this wonderful and kind man's life justice. So I will leave it at this. Liam, you deserved so much better in life and in death. I hope that wherever you are, that you are at peace and know that you are so very loved by all those you left behind.

If anyone needs a safe space to vent their feelings or talk about anything and everything, I am here.

[an-excellent-choice]

OC Traits Tag Game!

Thank you @moonraevn for tagging me! I appreciate you so much for tagging me so much in these games even tho I take so long to do it 😅

rules: rate your OC on these traits- 0/10 never expresses this trait | 5/10 expresses this trait sometimes | 10/10 almost always expresses this trait

Aoide Kilharel

This is all before events of BG3

compassion: 8/10 Aoide is deeply compassionate, shaped by her druidic nature and upbringing helping drows recover from Lolth’s influence.

bitterness: 6/10 Aoide feels more resentment than bitterness over her family’s death as it burdened her of leading the commune. Though she knows it's irrational, losing her independence and seeing her efforts undone weighs on her. She tries hard not to let the resentment take over.

happiness: 2/10 Aoide is still grieving the loss of her family and her responsibilities has barely gave her time to do this.

politeness: 8/10 Ever since becoming the new matriarch, Aoide has become more polite in a diplomatic manner to a point that there is barely any emotions in her eyes.

chivalry: 7/10 Aoide moral code actually lessened after the years of becoming a leader. She has people to think about and she doesn't have the luxury to put her moral code above the vulnerable drows she is taking care of.

pride: 9/10 With her whole family gone and being a new leader, Aoide had to be firm and be strong to maintain her commune's stability. She had to be prideful and relentless in protecting her people from any attacks.

honesty: 5/10 Aoide doesn't outright lie, she usually remains silent. She doesn't make an effort to lie and decieve but she also sees the value of lying in certain situations.

bravery: 8/10 She was a emissary for the commune before becoming the leader. So, yea she is quite brave especially when needing to fulfill a responsibility or goal.

recklessness: 4/10 Aoide used to be more reckless as she had a perspective of needling to deliver a message through whatever means necessary. Recently though this behavior has almost ceased entirely with the responsibility of taking care of the commune on her.

ambition: 5/10 She is too busy maintaining stability to be more ambitious though even before while she did have goals she wasn't incredibly ambitious. She never wanted to be a leader.

loyalty: 10/10

love: 10/10 Aoide has always been and continuous to be filled with love. This is why her grief is so great.

attractiveness: 8/10 She used to be attractive for different reasons but now she is attractive to most for her cold and mysterious aura. There is also the sneak peek of her being extremely caring and attentive that make most want to "break down her walls"

agility: 8/10, She is very fast both naturally and her days of being an emissary. Not to mention that she has options on how to travel in her wildshape forms.

sex drive: 4/10 This has incredibly dropped ever since her loss. She used to be more active.

No pressure tagging @gale-force-storm @doe-eyes-dekarios @weaveandwood and anyone who wants to join.

[quizzicalwriter]

I remember, a while back, you mentioned that you wanted to write for The House That Jack Built. I was wondering if you’re still interested in writing about the film, and, if so, what kind of rules would you set to ensure your comfort?

Hi! This is a brilliant question. Yes, I'm still interested in writing for him! I'm actually finishing up my parts at the moment, it's rather lengthy. I typically write in globs rather than something concise, like beginning to end. I'll get motivation for a certain section, write that, and then write in the connecting pieces later - so, I'm currently wrapping up some of the connecting pieces.

I usually don't have an issue writing tougher things, disturbing content, etc. There are certain things I won't write, like children in a NSFW manner or bodily fluids outside of normal occurrences during intimacy. I do write for rougher scenarios, and I've never minded that. I'm able to disconnect myself a fair bit from my writing, and I'm using that quite a bit for this piece. It's darker than what I've written before. I think what's keeping me from finishing it up quicker is my worries on how others will see it, y'know?

That and dub-con is a bit of a fine line, but I take plenty of breaks with my writing. I don't think I'd ever write something that jeopardized my mental health. Although, I do love branching out, and I've enjoyed writing that piece - mainly because it's pushed me past my comfort zone.

It's worth it to branch out of your comfort zone, but everyone has limits to what they'll write - and that's okay! You have to have boundaries, just have to stick to them. And don't beat yourself up if you don't feel comfortable writing something, or if you lose motivation. I have pieces that I haven't touched in months, but I know it'll come back to me. That's usually why I tell people it'll take me a while to get to requests, but I always will get to them. It might take a few weeks, but they'll get done LMAO.

(I will say though, the piece I'm writing concerning that movie is dub-con, contains bodily harm, and will be tagged appropriately. Just a forewarning for those who are looking forward to that piece. And I'll definitely be open to writing for him again, if anyone ever requests more or the inspiration comes to me!)

[hobunaga]

Who are YOUR top blood of youth characters and ships??!!

(This is jianghushenanigans btw I can’t change the blog I send asks from)

oh hi!! I just want to clarify that I'm still pretty new to the series and most of the information I know is from the Donghua instead of the live action. On top of that, I've only seen Season 2 and 3 of the Donghua since Season 1 was wiped off Youku for some reason so I never got to see what happens in it. I have no idea what happens in season 1 of the Donghua and began watching the live action to find some answers... news flash, I am still really confused by a lot of stuff because it doesn't seem accurate to what was depicted in the flashbacks of the donghua and what happened in the first 10 episodes of the live action? Not entirely sure why though....

Anyways, I'm on episode 14 of the live action and only watched Season 2 and 3 of the Great Journey of Teenagers Donghua. On top of this, I am watching the Dark River donghua series and I just got caught up 2 days ago. I plan to watch the Brewmaster series but I want to catch up on what is going on in the live action first. It's hard juggling 2 timelines.

ANYWAYS, who are my favorite characters? I'll just go top 3 for now.

in third place, it's Lei Yunhe.

He is just so damn hot idk??? like my god did they have to design him looking so damn cunty? He's just visually stunning but I don't know too much about his backstory. From what I understand, he's very sad because of his arm situation but I was almost 80% sure he had 2 hands until I watched the live action and saw he only had 1. Even his liveaction counterpart is beautiful... like what???? men???? anyways. I only like him visually, his personality and storyline I'll have to reread to understand what really happened.

in second place, it's Lei Wujie.

He is my son, I birthed him myself. It's true. I did. jk jk jk. He's just so adorable and the typical main character archetype you usually see in donghuas... but he's very precious and I just want to protect him. I think out of everyone in the story, he has the most growth and I love to see him win. Gosh 2 Lei's in the top 3??? Am I a Leimen stan?

in first place, it's Su Muyu

He is just so ugly, so strange, and so prickly??? but I love him. His character is very dynamic and unique, I love seeing someone with strong intentions but an even stronger belief battle out their differences in the essence of the story. He's an assassin but he's not ruthless or destructive, he just wants to get the job done and not hurt anyone that doesn't need to be hurt.

I just really like his character in general, even his pale sickly design... But I do not like how they wrote him in his spin off series, Dark River.

THIS CHARACTER IS JUST NOT HIM, tf??? They turned him into a typical main character archetype all because they didn't want a morally gray main character running the show. He is not Su Muyu from Blood of Youths and I refuse to believe this is canon yet cause... WTF IS THIS SU MUYU??? Why did they do this to him? They gave him a cool wife though and I love her to bits but they could have left him morally gray and clinically depressed. Either way, I am watching to see if his personality will eventually shift into the Su Muyu we see in the present day or if they're going to keep him as this shining protagonist... this will change in the near future.

HONORABLE MENTION: Mu Yumo

so the main reason why I like her is because in the Blood of Youth, she's wearing ethnic Miao clothing. Which I too am Miao so I thought she was a Miao woman but it turns out... it's just her outfit for the Donghua. In Dark River she also underwent the same changes that Su Muyu did and I am not sure how I feel about her in the Dark River series. She's funny for sure but I will have to keep watching to make a concrete decision about her.

overall, my favorite is, Hot guy, my son, and ugly but cool goth guy.

My Favorite ships are

in third it's Lei Wujie and Ye Ruoyi

I think they have so much potential, I want Lei Wujie happy and I wouldn't mind a polycule with Xiao Se or Shikong in there either. They're an adorable pair and I hope they both get together.

in second it's Xiao Se's brother and his servant

specifically the live action cause they just seem to understand and support each other without any fail. I don't remember his servant showing up in the Donghua but at least in the liveaction it seems Xiao gege is very much one to let him touch him freely and hold his hand. How cute is that?

In first place, it's Su Muyu and Bai Hehuai

I know this isn't Blood of Youth but I'm gonna cheat and put this in here because I really like them together. I just wish they made Su Muyu closer to the version he is in the Blood of Youth storyline rather than this shining main character syndrome he has become. I don't know where she is in current story but I hope she doesn't die later on....

ALL IN ALL, I like a lot of ships besides these main 3. Lei Wujie x Xiao Se x Tang Lian x Shikong, x Ye Ruoyi x Fairy Rui x Wuxin... they'd all be a cute couple together or separate or anything really. I also like the idea of Lei Yunhe and Zhao Yuzhen in a way??? I can't imagine Lei Yunhe with Li Hongyi though cause I don't know how related they are and his brother/best friend is interested in her already. I like Li Hongyi with the pretty master who also lives in Xueyue city. Another weird couple is Mo Yi and Baili Dongjun cause he agrees to stay with him for 10 years.... and Su Muyu and Mu Yumo because she supports him and I can fuck with that.

Since I am new to the series though, these are subject to change. Thank you for asking... I probably got so many details wrong though.