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getitoutofmymindwrites · 2 months

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The falling | joel miller x f!reader, 5k

Summary: It’s a weird feeling, the moment you realize you’ve lost everything. You're falling. It is never ending, the falling, even after the moment, that exact moment, is long gone. Or you catch Joel cheating on you. The world comes crushing down.

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, ANGST. That's it. Ok, bye. But seriously, angst, a whole lot of angst, alternated POVs, husband!joel, wife!reader, cheater!joel, married couple, Joel fucks another f!person, reference to sexual activity but nothing too detailed, as I said before-ANGST, excessive use of the word fuck, Joel is kind of a dick on this one, as always let me know if I missed anything!

A/N: Let me know how you feel about this lost little puppy, I know he sounds arrogant and awful, maybe I can rectify that, on a second part. If you're interested in a closure for these two, hit me in the comments! Thank you for taking the time to read anything I write! Love you all! 🥰😘

Dividers by @cafekitsune & @saradika-graphics

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It’s a weird feeling, the moment you realize you’ve lost everything.

Everything dear and loved and cherished and so close to your heart. Your heart itself.

You still can’t decide if it’s liberating or torturing, to have that exact moment burned in your thoughts like a Polaroid.

But the pain is real. The pain is excruciating. It spreads like vines through your whole body, starting from the pit of your stomach in the form of a bile you try to hold back, moving to your heart’s agonizing clench, licking to the ends of your numb limbs which remain obstinately immobile. It feels almost like floating, but not exactly.

You’re falling; you’re still falling as if there’s no luxurious, expensive floor underneath your feet, holding you surprisingly still up. You wait for the landing, the crush, unmoving, unblinking, not quite breathing. It is never ending, the falling, even after the moment, that exact moment, is long gone.

Your designer’s tote bag, another unnecessarily extravagant gift from your husband, drops from your hands to the floor with a loud thud.

Joel’s thrusts stop immediately and he turns his head to look behind him, while he’s on his knees, balls deep in a female body on all fours. His eyes shut tightly in something you’re not sure how to interpret, dropping his head between his shoulder blades and his palms squeeze the hips of the female body he's holding, until his fingertips go white.

And you’re just standing there, on the threshold of your bedroom, taking in the scene. It’s weird how the mind works under stressful situations. Is the absurdity of the reality that keeps you calm? Is it your brain’s reaction to protect you from collapsing? Are you shutting down right now?

You feel your eyes unable to move around and at the same time you see clearer than ever, as if you’re looking through a wide-angle lens.

You notice all of the stripped clothes, which they don’t seem hastily taken off, the way they pool on various surfaces of the room; they took their time undressing each other.

You notice the crystal tumbler of a half finished liquid, Joel’s whiskey, on his side of the nightstand; they took their time having fun.

You notice the absence of a condom on Joel’s cock as he removes himself from the female hole he was buried deep, all splayed out for him and now you; they took their time before, it seems, there is an intimacy there. This is not a stranger, this is not a first time.

Joel is calm, collected even, as he stands to his full height, grabbing his pants from the floor next to the king sized bed and putting them on. Calculated, steady movements, he looks like he’s trying to stay in control of the situation, diminish it to something else. You pray he doesn’t go down that path.

You look behind him, the female body’s gathering itself into a ball, sitting on your bed now, hands hugging it’s knees, trying to protect its nudity. Your eyes roam her form until they settle on her face. Oh, you know her. She looks -hm, there’s a mosaic of emotions behind her eyes, which are surprisingly bold to look back at you. You see shock, you see fear, you see.. satisfaction?

“Darlin’” Joel’s approaching you, crossing the ridiculously big room, with a steady pace.

His chest is heaving from the effort to regulate his breathing, he’s sweaty, his muscles all bulged from the interrupted fucking, his curls -your curls, fuck, that hurts- damp. He’s so handsome in all his disheveled form. He looks like your Joel.

Imaginary flashes of her fingertips combing through his hair are passing through your mind and you feel your esophagus contracting, a sense of a burning hot liquid moving up to your mouth. You swallow it down.

He reaches to touch your arm, don’t you dare, is all you mutter lowly, still without moving a muscle as if you do, the world will come crushing down. It already did, didn’t you get the memo? Your voice feels foreign to your ears, your tongue feels rough like sandpaper. He obeys.

When does this falling end?

“Baby-”, he tries again, while he steps forward, a condescending tone to his voice, like he’s addressing a toddler.

“Don’t-”, you roll your eyes in your head, god, he smells so good, even with the sweat someone else poured out of his skin, he smells so fucking good. He smells like your Joel. “Don’t come any closer.”

“This-” he exhales heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration, as if it’s an unnecessary effort to explain, as if you should understand; of all people, you should know, “this doesn’t mean anything-” his hand gesturing between him and the female body, “she doesn’t mean anything.” You should understand, baby, you should know.

And for the first time her eyes leave yours and land on the face of the deceiver. If this wasn’t happening to you right now, you would take pity on her pained expression. You almost feel sorry for her. Almost.

“Does she know that?” you ask him, your eyes never leaving her tangled form on your bed.

Joel snaps his head to her direction, narrowing his eyes in warning, “Yes, she does.”, his voice comes out strict and final, signaling there’s no room for doubt. He doesn’t sound like your Joel.

“I need you to leave.”, you breathe barely audible, your eyes still on her face; now she doesn’t know where to look, the rug pulled out from under her feet from the man she had inside her minutes ago.

His gaze is cold and indifferent, as if everything is her fault, looking still in her direction. She looks like a deer caught in the headlights, the empathetic part of your brain feels for her.

“Get your shit and get the fuck out, what are you waiting for?” he snaps at her.

“Not her, you.” you whisper, it’s impossible to speak louder, all of your energy powers your two standing feet.

He turns to look at you, shocked, eyes wide, mouth slightly agape.

“Wh- what are you talking about, sweetheart?” he tries to reason with you, “We need to talk, to-”

“Joel-”, you try again and thank god he’s interrupting you, you don’t have the strength to negotiate right now. Let the dice roll. It’s all fucked, anyway.

“This is my home; I’m not leaving.” he simply states, shaking his head from side to side, staring at you expectantly.

“You’re right. This is your house.” you acknowledge, coming to a painful realization. “Everything is yours; you own everything, don’t you?”, you smile sadly, crouching down to collect you bag.

You turn on your heels and leave the residence formerly known and felt as home, behind you.

Alarm system disabled.

Joe’s hairs are rising on the nape of his neck, when he checks the alarm app notification on his phone, thinking you came back home.

It’s been an awful month without you, without being able to contact you. He knew where you were of course, he could not for the life of him leave that information escape him, but he didn’t pressure you with an unexpected visit, he knew better.

It’s been a month. That’s plenty of time. You took your time and now you’re ready to talk. You have to be, this can’t be the end of this relationship, this marriage.

He presses your number and hits call. Fuck, he’s still blocked. Maybe you forgot to unblock him, it’s ok, it doesn’t mean anything.

He checks the house’s cameras. Shit. That’s not you. What is she doing there? What the fuck is going on? Alright, he’s going back to the house.

He stands on his feet, right in the middle of a meeting with the board and just leaves them. There’s a distant muttering of where does he think he goes, what happened, what’s gotten into him, this is important for the upcoming deal, but he pays no mind to them.

He needs to talk to you.

“Yeah, I think I’ve got everything you need,” Maria facetimes you, showing around your closet via her camera. “I’m loading the suitcase to the car and I’m out of here.”

“Thank you Mar-”

“MARIA?” Joel’s voice travels through the space from the ground floor, up.

“Shit, shit, shit, what am I gonna do?” Maria whispers to you turning the call to voice only.

“Just take the suitcase and leave, it’s ok, I only got personal stuff if that’s what he’s worried about. Let him check if it comes to that.”, you try to calm her down.

“Ok, ok-” Maria grabs the handle of the suitcase and moves to leave the walk-in closet.

“Hey.” Joel comes through the door to the bedroom taking in the scene. He hasn’t set foot in this room for nearly a month now.

“Hey.” Maria sounds pissed on the line.

“What are you doing here? Where's Tommy?”, Joel’s face frowns in question. “Tommy's not my keeper, his my partner. My husband, not that you would know what that means, apparently.” Maria just shrugs and moves to pass him by.

“What are you doing, what’s going on here?” he insists, blocking her way.

“I’m just collecting som-”

“How is she? Is she ok?” his voice softening when he asks about you.

“Oh, please, Joel, how is she? Really?” Maria scoffs at him. “She doesn’t want to see you, Joel or hear from you, that’s how she is.”

“Yeah, I gathered that much, thank you.” he mocks back. “Is she on the phone, can I just talk to her?” he extends his arm to reach for the phone. “Over my dead and cold body.” Maria says, pressing the phone on her chest.

His eyes are raging storms, his nostrils flaring with quiet rage. He takes a deep breath “Can you please ask her if I can talk to her, just for five minutes?”

“Why don’t you call her, Joel?” Maria taunts him, emphasizing the pronunciation of his name.

Joel just stares back at her, unfazed. Maria doesn’t move a muscle, lifting an eyebrow quizzically. Well, she did move one muscle.

Joel sighs exasperatedly “She blocked my number.”

“I wonder why that is.” Maria twists the knife, “I guess you have your answer, then.”

“Christ-” he pinches the bridge of his nose, “just- just ask her, please.”

Maria lifts the phone to her ear, rolling her eyes in frustration in the process. “Hey, Joel’s here, he’s ask-”

“Yeah, I heard everything.” you interrupt her, “No, I don’t want to talk to him.” Maria is shaking her head negatively at him as you talk, to pass the message.

Joel’s face goes cold and emotionless. “Well, tell her if she wants her belongings, she needs to come and get them herself.”

It’s been five weeks now and you can’t keep living in your best friend’s and sister in law's clothes. You’re gonna have to go and grab your stuff yourself.

Because it wasn’t enough what you’ve been through, what you’ve heard until you reached that goddamned bedroom door, what you’ve witnessed when you’ve entered, now he’s making you go back there to humiliate you. As you’re checking your calendar for your work schedule to decide on a suitable day, it hits you. You have Joel’s calendar on your phone, too. You always do, it was the only way to have some time together between his visits to work sites and board meetings and bussiness trips and fucking-behind-your-back, apparently.

And then you remember that day where you both stole some time off and decided to spend it cuddling with each other on the couch, talking nonsense and laughing at silly things and hugging and kissing and fucking all night long.

A brainstorm of thoughts run through your head instantly. How could he do that to you? He looked so happy in your arms. Maybe he was right, maybe it was nothing, maybe you should understand, you of all people, you should know. Do you need to do an STD test? How careless could he be? Where there others? Did he ever love you? Do you want to know?

Does it really matter?

You focus again on that day. He’d told you about a big deal coming up, one of the biggest in his career, if not the biggest so far and how important it was to the future of the company.

You searched frantically through his calendar until you found the date of the final meeting, the date where they’d seal the deal. Because there is no way they weren’t. If Joel wanted it so badly, he’d find a way to make it happen.

And you knew your husband, ironic as is sounds now. He was focused to a fault. He wouldn’t even check his phone that day. He’d done it every time since you were together. History indicated that he probably had other reasons, too, for not checking his phone in a timely manner, but you wouldn’t dwell on that. Not right now. Because now you had your chance.

That date was your chance.

Alarm disabled.

Joel’s phone is vibrating momentarily, not that he noticed, it was silent and tacked away in his jacket pocket, the jacket itself hanging on the back of his chair.

Don’t fuck it up, don’t fuck it up, don’t fuck it up, he’s chanting in his mind, under all this calm and confident demeanor, he’s sweating inside.

This is it, this is it, this is it, he repeats like a mantra, watching his opposite CEO, Leo Marks, playing with the pen between his fingers. He’s inspecting the contract again and he’s so close, so close to what he wanted. The room is silent, the long table full of seated lawyers and consultants from both sides, holding their breaths in charged expectation.

Joel knows that Marks is going to sign. He knows it. He worked for it. He convinced him, he made his vision clear as day and he lured him in. This is it. He got this.

Then your face appears in his mind. No, not today, he can’t do this today. You will have to wait. Like you always have. Joel shakes his head slightly, as if to remove you from his thoughts. His fingers get itchy, he wishes he could just check on you. Yes, he just want to check on you.

Are you alright? Are you thinking about him? Do you miss him like he does? Do you stay wide awake at night replaying the same scene over and over until you feel physically ill? Do you know that he thinks about you? Did he show you at all that night? Maybe he should have appeared at your friend’s door out of the blue. Maybe you think he doesn’t care. All he was trying to do was give you space. Respect your boundaries. Let you work everything out.

Fuck.

He reaches for his phone. He doesn’t know why. He knows his number is still blocked. He checks every night, when he's too exhausted from the lack of sleep and prays he could listen to your voice, or the soft sound of your breath when you slept next to him. But he fishes it out of his jacket pocket, anyway and then he sees it.

38 minutes ago.

Alarm disabled.

Alarm disabled. Alarm disabled. Alarm disabled, the only thought repeated in his head. He immediately searches the cameras for you but no movement is recorded right now. Maybe you already left. His heart rate spikes, his temples feel the pressure of his blood pumping violently in his veins. Cold sweat pours out of his body.

He’s squeezing his eyes shut, mentally counting all the places without cameras inside the house. What if you are still in there and he just can’t see you?

Fuck.

Mark’s voice extract him from his thoughts, “Mr. Miller, everything looks in order as we agreed.”

Joel snaps his eyes back to him, slightly irritated, “Of course it does, your legal team already did a thorough check all these months to get us here today.”

“Yes, yes,” Marks laughs entertained, “I just wanted to look it over one more time, I mean, we really are going to…”

What if you’re still there? What if this is his chance? He could always try to reach you after the deal, convince you to hear him out. Yeah, he can do that. He doesn’t need to chase you down. He can wait a little bit longer, can’t he? He can have it all, right? He was the man that had it all.

A mail pops up on his phone, a compliment note from the management of one of both your favorite hotels in Europe, thanking you for choosing their establishments for your stay, once again. Shit. You’re fleeing the fucking country? Are you fucking serious?

“..Mr. Miller?” Marks insists.

“Hm?” his eyes are glued to the screen of his phone.

“I said, before we sign, I need you to walk me through it one more time.” he demands like a little child asking for its favorite bedtime story. “I mean, this is the project of my dreams. I need your reassurance that this is as important for you as it is for us, that it’ll be your only focus for the foreseeable future.” he looks at Joel expectantly.

His only focus.

For the foreseeable future.

Fuck.

“HONEY!”. Your blood runs cold in your veins to the sound of his baritone voice. Your hand freezes over the shelf with the t-shirts, not making a sound. You didn’t take that long, why is he here? Why isn’t he in his meeting?

Joel enters the bedroom but you’re not there. Fuck, you hear the curse running softly from his lips. You don’t move, you don’t blink, you don’t breathe.

He moves to leave and check elsewhere but then he stops. You hear soft steps and you see the door of the walk-in closet opening. His wide form blocks the light from the outside, his broad shoulders almost taking up all the space of the frame.

He looks disheveled, his baby blue shirt wrinkled and unbuttoned at the top, his hair a mess, like he kept combing his fingers through them. You don’t dare meet his eyes though. You keep your gaze as far as his chin goes, concentrating on the bare patch there. His sole presence electrifies you like he’s already touched you. Your whole body feels on fire and frozen simultaneously. God, you missed him.

“I was calling for you.”, he breathes out and you can feel his fear pulsing through his body. He’s scared you’re gonna run. That’s why he doesn’t leave his spot, blocking the door.

“I know.”

“Were you hiding from me?” his brows are furrowed in a seemingly pained expression from what your peripheral vision could help you understand.

“No, I just chose not to answer you.”, you lower your head, looking at your feet.

“Why?”

“I don’t know.” you say hastily, but he’s waiting for a real answer. You breathe deeply, “It- it felt too domestic, you calling for me, me answering back, like how we were before.” He nods, biting his bottom lip. “What are you doing here, Joel?”

“In our house?” the edges of his lips are slightly turned up, his head tilting to one side.

“No, this is your house as you said yourself.”

“Darlin’, you know I didn’t mean it like that..” he sighs in regret, his head deepening in his shoulder blades in an effort to attract your gaze upwards.

“But you’re right.”

“I built it for you.” his voice soft, like it’s a secret mend to stay that way.

“Hm.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” his brows raise in genuine surprise.

“Nothing, forget it.”

“No, tell me.”

“You first.”

He looks perplexed, he forgot your question.

“What are you doing here, right now, Joel?”

“I got the alarm notification and.. it was the only way I could talk to you, honey..”

“But- your meeting-”

He searches your eyes, although you refuse to look at him, analysing your confused expression and it hits him. He smiles in understanding, nodding his head. “So, you chose today on purpose..”

You don’t respond, you keep looking everywhere but his eyes.

He laughs through his nose, rubbing a hand over his face. “Did you really think that I wouldn’t drop everything to come and see you?”

“I really did.”

He gasps in disbelief, almost offended.

“Baby, look at me, please; look at me..” he pleads with you softly. You close your eyes as if in fear you would obey, your chin trembling from the effort to remain calm.

“Baby, look at me. I want you to look at me, now.” he presses in a more authoritative way. He thought he could order you around? Break you?

“No.” you shake your head.

Joel calls you by your name but before he has a chance to spit another soft command-

“I SAID NO!” you open your eyes, targeting them to his chest, tears spilling uncontrollably now. You can see from your periphery the look of shock on his face, because you never yelled before. Ever.

“Why, sweetheart?”, he retreats back to his soft side.

“Because that’s exactly what you want. And you can’t always get what you want, Joel, not anymore.” You can’t hold back your tongue now.

“Jesus Christ,” you grit through your teeth, “what do you want from me, hm?” your eyes keep dancing around his face but never on his eyes. He looks dumbfounded, his lips part slightly but you don’t wait for an answer. “What else do you want? Is this some kind of ego thing? You expected me to shout and break things and hit you and tell you to leave her and come back to me? Because your ego is safe, Joel, if that’s what you worry about. I didn’t leave you, you did that first when you went behind my back. So, you walked out on me and not the other way around. Happy? Ready to go on with your life?” You’re grabbing the shelf where your hand previously rested so hard, trying to steady yourself.

For the first time Joel is speechless. He doesn’t know what to say. He can’t find the words to defend himself, to convince you about his feelings, to soothe you at the very least. He begins to have a glimpse of how he appears in your eyes right now. How much damage he’s done, even before that night. How much ground he lost over time.

“Darlin', I just wa-” he begins softly, almost like walking on eggshells, but your body visibly tenses, you jaw shuts tight, your eyes rolling back in your head.

“Stop, just stop! Stop saying what you want! Stop making this about you! Don’t you see? You keep asking me for what you want! Have you stopped for a second, just a second, to think what I want? What I need? I don’t- I don’t recognize you anymore.”

“I-” he closes his eyes in distress, “I love you.” His last retreat. He’s trying anything that could help him. He doesn’t get it. He can’t. He’s not capable. But he used to be. He was the most empathetic person you knew. What the fuck happened?

Your eyes snap though the open closet door at his admision and on to the perfectly made bed.

His gaze follows yours behind his back and shakes his head once more in regret.

“It really didn’t mean-”

“Joel-” you warn him, “have some self respect and don’t say what I think you’re about to say. At least have the guts to admit exactly what you did, I’d appreciate it more.”

He exhales heavily, you’re not giving him an opening to fix this. You’re hanging onto every word he mutters. Not a single one of them is left unparsed and he's not used to that. He knows that if he does not control his anger right now, it's game over.

Heavy silence is hanging between you, each one lost on their thoughts.

“Do you know when you really lost me, Joel?”, you ask him eventually.

Half an hour ago he would swear he had all the answers, but now? Now he sees he’s in the deep, so he stays quiet, searching your eyes that still won't reach his, for answers.

“You lost me when you humiliated her in front of me.”

His face goes white, shocked, he can’t believe his ears. His mouth opens and closes but he makes no sound, how on earth does he respond to that?

“You still don’t get it, do you?”, you pinch the bridge of your nose exasperatedly. “You valued her enough to endanger our wedding, you valued her enough to bring her to our own house, to our bed, Joel; you valued her enough to fuck her raw, to let her know that you were unhappy with me, before I had a chance to realize it myself-”, Joel interrupts you almost panicked “I’m not un-” and for the first time your eyes pierce his in such an anguish that the words die in his throat. “-and then you just diminished her like she was nothing, just to prove a point to me. While she was naked, vulnerable on our bed. And trust me, this is not me defending her, she is as responsible for this as you, but you’re the one I married, not her. I expected better from you, Joel, not her.”

Now he’s the one averting his eyes from you, looking down on his overpriced shoes, his demeanor defeated, this is not the Joel you know anymore.

“And what was the point, Joel? Hm? What? That she means nothing? Then why were you with her? Why did you choose her? Why did you spend your precious time on nothing, while I had to make an appointment to see you? That’s what you did with me, too? I mean nothing, too? Just a warm hole to fuck when convenient?” he snaps his head back to you, shaking it in denial frantically, his eyes blown wide and red from all the emotional stress you push onto him.

“But I guess I got my answer about a month ago, hm?” It’s one of those moments that epiphanies hit you as you speak uncontrollably, you just can’t stop your mind from running wild, your mouth from spilling bile, your heart from pounding so hard in your chest, your ears start to ring, your grasp on the shelf tightening even more for balance.

“And that tells me a lot about who you really are. It’s not just about the fucking, Joel, Jesus-, -for the brilliant man I know you to be, you’re stumbling through your blindest moment.”, you shake your head in disappointment, tears still running freely down your face, licking your jawline and falling like a waterfall to the carpeted floor. You feel so done, you find it pointless to explain any further.

“I- I don’t know you, Joel, I don’t know who you are anymore. Maybe I never did,” you conclude, “maybe you’re right,” you slowly nod to yourself, “and everything is my fault after all.” you whisper, not sure if you want him to hear that part.

He did. “I never said that it was your fault, baby. When did I ever say that?” his face is contorted in pain, “None of this is your fault, none of it, you hear me?” he wants so desperately to cross the fucking room and hold you tight, crush all your pain and insecurities and self hatred under an asphyxiating hug. He also knows that he won't make even two steps before you flee, or step back from him and he can’t for the life of him witness that. Because that’s how much he needs you. He prefers you standing there, where he can see you, where he can have you, even if you wither and die under the enormous trauma he’s putting you through.

“So stupid.. I was- I am so stupid..” you’re repeating to yourself almost deliriously, rubbing your fingers on your forehead.

“This isn’t you, sweetheart, you don’t talk like that, don’t- don’t do that to yourself.” Joel tries to bring you back.

“But this is you, isn’t it, Joel? The real you?” you bite back. “This isn’t me, really? How do you like the new me, Joel? Do you take pride on your creation?” you laugh bitterly at him. “Yeah, how you’d always call me? Polite little thing? Sweetheart?” you’re infuriated now, a rise fighting to explode through you. “How does it feel, Joel? To know you’re responsible for changing someone to their core? To know you had that much power over them?”

Joel’s shaking his head once again in desperation, hot tears spilling from his eyes, god, had he ever cried before? this is not a battle he can win, he sees that now. The damage is too great. What on earth was he thinking?

“Please, please honey, can we just take a breather, sit down and talk about everything?” he pleads with you, a last thread of hope shinning in his red rimmed eyes.

“Take a breather..” you mutter through your teeth, “you mean the breather you took while you were fucking someone else instead of talking to me?”, Joel shuts his eyes in defeat, there’s nothing he can say anymore. “I think you got it backwards, Joel.”

You take a steadying breath and command your legs internally to hold on a little while longer and move forward; clothes, suitcase, life left behind.

“Don’t contact me again, unless is via your legal team.” is the last bullet that hits Joel’s chest, right through his broken heart.

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literaryavenger · 5 months

Text

I love you and I hate it

Summary: Bucky's your best friend, but you're in love with him. Now that he has a girlfriend, will you be able to get a handle on your feelings?

Pairing: Best Friend!Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Warnings: Bucky being a bit of an ass. Reader being dramatic. Angst. Language maybe. Minimal use of Y/N. My poor attempts at being funny.

Word Count: 2.7K

A/N: this is a two part because otherwise it was too long. Hope you like it! also, it's 4:30am and I can't help myself lol.

Masterlist

Loving your best friend is not something anyone ever plans.

Getting those kinds of feelings for the person closest to you changes the way you look at them, the way you interact and essentially your relationship with them, making everything unnecessarily complicated.

At least that’s how you see it.

You definitely didn't think something like that could ever happen to you. But to be fair, you also never thought Bucky Barnes would ever become your best friend at the compound.

When you first arrived as the newest avengers recruit the brooding supersoldier was not your biggest fan. Things didn’t start on the best note for you two.

- 2 years ago -

Steve was showing you around the compound and introducing you to people and team members as you met them. You arrived at the common room where Bucky and Sam were watching Tv.

"Hey guys. This is Y/N, the new recruit I told you about," Steve introduced you "this is Sam." he said to you as Sam got up from the couch putting out his hand.

"Nice to meet you." he said.

"You too," you said, shaking his hand "it’s so exciting to be here and meet all of you. You are all such remarkable people."

"Oh, complimenting me? I like you already." Sam said chuckling.

"Of course you do." Steve said, rolling his eyes with a smile, then turned to you "and this is Bucky" he said, pointing at the brunette still sitting on the couch.

"Hi Bucky, it’s nice to meet you too." you said, getting closer to him and holding out your hand for him to shake. Bucky, however, just looked at you for a moment before standing up, turning away from you and walking out of the room without saying a word.

"Uh... did I do something wrong?" you asked, very much confused, still looking at the door Bucky just ran out of.

"No, it’s always him." said Sam.

"Sam, don’t." Steve told him, then turned to you again "don’t mind Bucky, he’s not good with new people. It’s nothing personal, he’ll get used to it, don’t worry."

"Right. He’ll get used to me." you said as he gave you an apologetic look "yeah… anyway, let’s finish the tour."

"Sure, bye Sam. See you around, I guess." you told Sam with a smile.

"Yeah, see you guys at dinner." and with that you left to finish the tour of the compound that ultimately ended with your assigned room.

"So this is your room, Natasha has the room on the right and Sam has the one on the left." he pointed at them as he talked and then pointed at the room across from yours "that's Bucky, to his right is Peter and mine is to his left."

"A lot of neighbors, got it." you said chuckling with Steve.

"Yeah. So I’ll let you get settled and I’ll see you at dinner with the team." he said.

"Yeah, see you later."

If you were honest with yourself, you were a little disappointed at how meeting Bucky went, you were really looking forward to meeting the super soldier.

While all the other girls were busy crushin on Captain America, you always felt more attracted to Sergeant Barnes.

Something about him just made you curious, and, after all the Winter Soldier stuff came to light, you were one of the few people that saw right away that Bucky was a victim.

You never did understand how people could read all the details of what happened to him and still call him a monster, like it was his fault that he was captured, tortured and made to do things no decent human being would ever do.

In fact, you got in trouble more than one time for fighting when things escalated while you were defending the super soldier from agents that didn’t see it like you.

It’s really a shame that a lot of agents of Shield itself thought so ill of the Sergeant. Maybe that’s why he didn’t like you, maybe he thought you were one of them.

You had to make sure he knew you weren’t.

Having made up your mind, you decided there was no better time like the present. You crossed the hall and knocked on his door, and after a few moments he opened.

"I know, Steve, don-" he interrupted himself the second he laid eyes on you.

"Sorry, not Steve. Clearly. I’m sorry to bother you, Sergeant Barnes, I just wanted to let you know that I don’t have anything against you. I know some agents feel like you should be held accountable for the things you were forced to do, and they’re not really afraid to get vocal about it, but I’m not one of them. I don’t think any of it was your fault. It may not matter much to you, after all you don’t seem to like me very much, but it’s important to me that you know this. You’re kind of my hero." you finished, a little embarrassed at admitting this to his face. He looked at you for a few moments and, just as you thought he was about to slam the door in your face, he grinned.

"I’m your hero, doll?" he asked, leaning on the door frame with his arms crossed in a way that made his biceps look huge and a smirk on his face.

After that you and Bucky became quick friends, spending more and more time together. Missions, training, down time, you were practically attached at the hip.

You were always careful not to let any feelings grow other than friendship and, mostly, it was easy.

There were some times where you somehow ended up flirting, but they were fleeting moments that passed as quickly as they came, and you decided, for your own peace of mind, to not overthink them and let it go every time.

Now, back to the present, the reason why you’re lost in your thoughts and feelings for Bucky.

You’re watching from a distance as Bucky smiles and laughs, happier than you’ve ever seen him surrounded by his friends, more relaxed than he’s ever been during a party.

You smile at his happiness, glad that he’s finally comfortable around pretty much everybody, but your face falls pretty fast as you see him wrap his right arm around her.

You’ve known Sharon for a while now, she was one of the agents in the list for the spot in the Avengers before you got it. You always felt like she resented you for it, like she should’ve been the one to get it because she was already close with some of the members of the team.

She was never openly hostile with you, but you did notice her hanging around Bucky more and more in the last few months. You didn’t think anything of it, but you were proved wrong just half an hour ago when Bucky started to introduce her to the avengers she didn’t already know as his girlfriend.

As soon as that word came out of his mouth, so casually you’d think he'd been saying it his whole life, you felt like you were gonna throw up.

It took all your skills to keep your face as neutral as possible, you felt like Sharon’s eyes were on you the whole time, trying to see every micro expression she could find to know what you were thinking.

But you were probably just imagining that, right?

You excused yourself as soon as you could and went straight to the bar to get the strongest drink Nat could make, which she handed to you with a knowing look while glancing behind you.

You barely had time to think before you felt his hand on your shoulder, feeling his body next to you but you didn't turn to look at him, taking a sip of your drink instead.

"Hey, doll, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about Sharon before, it’s still pretty new."

You tried to keep your voice as cheery as you normally would around him. "Why would you? It’s your relationship, why are you apologizing?"

He gave you a weird look you'd never seen before, before saying "Because we’re best friends? We usually tell each other everything… right?" he sounded a bit uncertain.

"Yeah, right, duh." you said, trying to give a genuine laugh "Well, it’s alright anyway, now I know! Stop worrying, just go be with her."

He looked around your face for a few more moments, like he was looking for something, before he said "ok, then." and left.

You managed to keep the smile on your face until you were sure he was gone, but dropped it as soon as you looked back ahead of you.

Taking another sip of your drink and making a face at how much alcohol was actually in it, you looked at Nat and, nodding, you left before she could comment on the scene you’re sure she just watched in its entirety.

So here you are now, in a corner watching people enjoy themselves, just like you used to do at parties with Bucky by your side, except you’re alone.

You try to look on the bright side, you really are, but you can find none.

You can't talk about it with anyone either since nobody knows about your feelings for the super soldier, except for Natasha who always seems to know everything, but you aren't too close with her and neither of you ever actually spoke about it out loud.

Not that you would've, you aren't the most outgoing person, usually keeping your feelings and most of your thoughts to yourself, with the exception of Bucky.

With him talking seems like the easiest thing in the world, it doesn't matter about what. He knows almost everything that he could possibly know about you, the only thing that you could never bring yourself to talk about is your feelings for him.

You feel a hand in the low of your back and, just as you're bringing your fist up, you realize it's just Steve. "Easy there, tiger." he chuckled, lowering your arm for you. "You seem a little on edge. Everything okay?"

"Everything’s just fine, Captain. You can salute your way to someone else now." His laugh makes you smile against your will.

"Okay, rookie, you don’t wanna talk about it." you roll your eyes at the old nickname, but he keep going, "you know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you at a party without your moping buddy."

You glance at Bucky, who's busy laughing it up with Clint and Laura, his arm still around Sharon. Your eyes find Steve’s again, and you simply shrug. "We’re allowed to do our own thing, aren’t we?"

"Of course you are... I was just wondering why you weren’t with him, that’s all."

You avoid his eyes while you quietly say, "he already has someone at his side tonight, doesn’t need me there."

"What’s that supposed to mean?" comes a voice from behind you.

Damn. The one moment you weren’t looking at him and he sneaks up on you.

You turn around and see him standing there, arms crossed in front of his chest, Sharon at his side with a smug look on her face that you convince yourself you’re just imagining.

"What’s what supposed to mean?" You try playing dumb, but you know Bucky can see right through that.

He raises an eyebrow at you expectantly but when you just shrug and give him your best confused look, he sighs and looks at Sharon. "Hey babe, can you get me a scotch from the bar? I’ll meet you there."

You don't know if you're more hurt at him calling her that or relieved at the fact that he didn’t use the nickname that was usually reserved for you.

She just nods and, without taking her eyes off of you, gives him a kiss on the lips. Okay, you definitely didn’t imagine that. As soon as she’s far enough, Bucky turns back to you.

"What’s wrong with you tonight?" He asks sharply.

"Excuse me? Who said there was something wrong with me?" You say defensively.

"Oh come on doll, you’ve been weird ever since Sharon got here. What’s the matter, do you not like her or something?"

You don't know what to say. You certainly aren't about to tell your best friend that the reason you don’t like his new girlfriend is because you have feelings for him. That’s not gonna end well for anybody. So you decide to just keep on denying.

"I don’t know what you’re talking about, Bucky, so why don’t you just go after you little girlfriend and enjoy your night with her."

"That, right there." he points at your face in a very accusatory manner. "What the fuck was that?"

"What was what?" you’re starting to raise your voice a little and swatting at his hand, getting annoyed at him for not letting this go.

"You’re being a jerk about Sharon, what is your problem with her?"

"I don’t have a problem with her!"

"Yes, you do!"

"Why are you trying to make this into a problem?!"

"Because I know you!" At this point you're both yelling.

"Well, clearly, you don’t know me as well as you think you do!" Lie.

"Why do you have to be so stubborn?! Just tell me what the hell is your problem!"

"Why do you care so much? Even if I had a problem, it’s my business, it’s not like I’m your girlfriend!" Bucky just looks at you with a face you’d never seen on him before and you can't decipher.

The whole room seems to go quiet as you two just look at each other for a few moments, then Bucky finally speaks.

"You’re right." he says, in a much quieter voice than a second before "you’re not my girlfriend. I just thought you were my friend. Guess I was wrong. I’ll go after my little girlfriend now."

You can't find it in you to say anything and, when you just look at him, he scoffs and turns around to make his way to the bar.

Slowly it feels like everyone else starts to go back to what they were doing before your yelling match stopped the party in its tracks, but you feel like you can't breath, let alone move, as you watch the spot where Bucky was standing just moments ago, tears starting to form in your eyes.

You can’t believe that just happened. Did Bucky really just say you aren’t his friend?

A hand on your shoulder brings you back to reality and you hear Steve saying "are you okay?" from next to you.

In all honesty, you forgot he was even there.

All that comes out of you is a broken sob before you turn around and make a run for the elevator, as fast as you can run in heels and a floor-length cocktail dress.

Steve runs after you, but there are too many people around that slow him down, and by the time he gets to the elevator the doors had just closed.

He waits to see where you would stop, assuming your shared floor but you never know. His eyebrows furrow in confusion and he pushes the button of the elevator, glad that he waited a second more.

When he gets to the roof it's so dark outside that it takes a second before he find you, and once he does he slowly gets close to you.

What he was not expecting was to find you sitting on the ground, hugging your knees and crying.

Steve sits down next to you and puts his arm around your shoulders wordlessly while you cry.

After you calmed down a bit he says "He’s really worried about you, Y/N. If there’s something going on, you should just tell him. He’ll understand…"

You think about it for a few minutes while you find a way to tell Steve what's going on.

"How do you tell someone that the reason you’re sad is because you love them?" you say with tears starting to form again in your eyes.

Steve can only stare at you, at a loss for words.

You hear something behind you and when you turn you see Bucky’s back, walking towards the elevator.

It doesn’t matter how long he was there for, he obviously heard you.

You look back at Steve that has an apologetic look on his face, confirming your fear. Damn super soldier hearing.

Well, it looks like your friendship with Bucky is officially dead.

Part 2

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bryce-bucher · 1 year

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Basidia Post #4

Vintage CGI:

Modus Interactive and I have been spending the last week or so learning how to use Alias Power Animator 9 which is essentially an old version of maya. It was used on sgi workstations back in the day on games like ff7 and mario64 for all the pre-rendered stuff. For a long time Modus and I have been pretty invested in learning how to replicate the look of old pre-rendered stuff, and, as it turns out, the best way was just to do it how they did it. For so long I tried to wrap my head around how old cgi stuff was modeled because the sorts of shapes that were often created seemed like they'd be unnecessarily hard to create with polygons. The thing that specifically stumped me for a while was how they handled wrinkles in clothing and organic shapes. As it turns out, the answer was hidden right under my nose the whole time. They weren't using polygons at all! Instead they were modeling with NURBS! It seems very obvious in hindsight, but I feel like I deleted the memory of NURBS once I exited highschool, and nobody ever seems to talk about or use them these days. If you don't know what they are, it's basically a style of modeling that involves making a bunch of bezier curves and using them to define surfaces. It's a totally different style of modeling from polygons with a lot of pros and cons, but it achieves that smooth look we're after extremely well.

Scout Rifle Render:

As shown in the pics above, I decided to make a model of the scout rifle in Basidia so that we could use it for an item icon. The process was definitely a learning experience, and one of the things I learned is that modeling like this is super fun. It's like creating each shape is a puzzle where you need to theorize what is the best approach to take, and following through is always a multi-step process of defining a surface and slicing it up. I find it super satisfying to pull off, and making slapping materials on it is always fun as well. Moving forward we are probably gonna use this program and/or older versions of maya to create any pre-rendered item icons or backgrounds that we'll be needing. Modus actually made new versions of the vials in it as well which I will put right here \/

Wow there it is would u look at that. Power Animator just has an amazing way of outputting some unique, rich colors that are hard to get in modern software. I mean, just look at that cork. How do you make a cork have such interesting colors? Amazing. Fuck it, I'm gonna show off a little guy I made in power animator that has nothing to do with Basidia. I've been hyperfixating on this program since I downloaded it so I owe this to myself.

Here he is! Power animator has this amazing glow effect you can put on any shader that adds this bloom as a post processing layer. I used it on the head in this one, and I think it achieves a particular dreamlike effect really well. The sorts of shapes I can get for cloth out of NURBS is also super fun and rewarding, as shown with the cape here. Character modeling is something I'm always really excited about, and I'll definitely be modeling some Basidia characters in this thing.

Conclusion:

I am loving this program and I cannot stop thinking about it. Anyway, I have some commissions to take care of before switching back to midwest lost development, so I may or may not be posting about that game next week. I'm trying to buy an old sgi workstation with the commission money, and, if I can pull that off, then I will have access to all the old software they used back then (including the IRIX version of poweranimator). If you want to check out power animator yourself then here is a link to the program, and here is a helpful tutorial. Oke bye take care!

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i-writes-things · 1 year

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Avenger Birthday Bash

Natasha x daughter!reader

Summary: Natasha's daughter isn't the fondest of her mom's new girlfriend. BIRTHDAY PARTY

Warnings: fluffy, remembering past.

Extra Pairings:

Bruce Banner x Platonic!reader

Natasha x Maria Hill

Not my gifs*

“I think I owe her that at least.”

“I’ll start planning!”

“No, no I am not letting you plan any part of this!”

“It’ll be lovely.” Maria kissed her girlfriend good bye and left Natasha speechless.

“Mom…?” You emphasized dramatically down the corridors of the Avengers compound. “Mom-” you turned a corner, almost bumping into, well, Maria Hill. Your mom’s girlfriend, who you liked and the relationship wasn’t new to you so it wasn’t as awkward as it use to be around her. “Hey, Miss Hill,” Except for that. That made things unnecessarily awkward. “Have you seen my mom?”

“Hello, Y/n, yes she is up in the kitchen.” The moment being stretched out by neither of you moving away to continue down your separate paths. You didn't have anything else to say, but the second you started to move she stuttered saying, “Hey- So- Y/n,” You turned back to her, “ You excited for your birthday?”

“Yeah I am, thanks.” And with that you were gone.

Before Maria and Natasha had become “a thing” you would joke around with the commander when going on mission or seeing her around the compound. So now that the demeanor between the both of you is very different, neither of you knows how to get back to normal. You hadn’t thought about it for too long at one time.

Her and mom might not even last, so what does it matter.

“Happy birthday, pretty girl!” Natasha kissed your cheek as you woke up to her voice. “Look whos awake,” You breathed in and rolled into her arms. “Hu- Hi my sweets, are you hungry. Wanda made your favorite.” Instantly smiling, you bring your mom into a hug.

“Thank you, thank you, mama.”

“Your welcome,” she kissed your forehead, “Tell your aunt the same.”

“Mhm.”

“I’ll see you down there?”

“Yes.”

“Happy birthday Y/n!” Wanda exclaimed as you walked in the kitchen, Sam and Bucky joining in, in wishing you a good birthday. Even Thor hoped your birthday would be godly. You ate and thanked your aunt for the food, then set out to find your mother for your birthday party. You walked down the halls in search of the distant music, or bumping into bruce racing to get to your party before you could find it. While all you found was Natasha comforting her girlfriend of your presence.

“Hasn’t been so long.”

“It’s been long enough.”

“She’ll come around.

“I don’t know, Nat. She-”

“Look at me, Maria. I will have a chat with my daughter about this. Y/n, likes you, I know she does. I guess this is just still new to her.” You had heard enough, and was walking away, trying to take extra long to “find” the party itself, as it seemed they needed a minute. Thus, when walking down halls feeling guilty and having an accused look on your face, of course it was Bruce to find you. He couldn’t really tell what you were feeling, but knew it had a sort of weight to it.

“You find the extravaganza, yet, kid?” He tried a smile and you returned it, softly.

“Not yet, but by the way your headed, it seems I’m going the wrong direction.”

“Maybe,” You knew you were, but Bruce didn’t, “maybe not.” A light beat passed before he went on. “Walk with me?” He started walking and you kept up with him at his right side.

“You make anything for the party?” You asked, as Bruce and Tony usually teamed up to make you a cool invention each year.

“You’ll have to wait and see.” You groaned, wanting him to just tell you.

“Come on-”

“I am not saying a word, Y/n.”

“Alright, fine. Bruce, can I ask your opinion.”

“Sure.”

“What do you think about mom and Maria?” Bruce’s eyes furrowed, as he walked on. He wasn’t sure. He hadn’t thought to much on the idea.

“Well, their dating.”

“Everyone knows that, fool. Do you think they are gonna last?” Contemplating your words, he turns to you.

“I can’t answer that, all I know is that they are a good couple right now, how am I supposed to know if they will be in a year, or 10 years. I am not sure if Natasha can even answer that one for you, kid.” He finished and saw the expression on your face, then putting am arm around your shoulders, forcing you to move with him. “Lets go have a great party, okay?’

“Yeah, okay.”

“It is your Birthday, after all!”

Walking into the party, where everyone and everything was setting up to look like an extravagant birthday card, you smiled at your family’s hard work..

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY Y/N!!” They all shouted at somewhat of the same time. You cut the cake, and opened presents, Natasha took your picture with all the family behind you, Thor picked you up in a tight but loving hug, Tony helped you blow out your candles, calling you old and Bruce showed you the invention he and Tony had worked on. A new suit, just for you.

“MOM! TONY AND BRUCE GOT ME A NEW SUIT.” You shouted across the room. Natasha saw how excited you were, and so decided she would yell at the men later, about the safety of her daughter. Right now was her birthday.

“That’s wonderful! You’ll have to wear it to training.”

Once the late afternoon had started, there was no stopping it or Avengers becoming tired from all the birthday happenings. And while laying on the couch with your mom, watching some show, you turned to her and asked about Maria and her, letting her know about the awkward situation that had gone on earlier.

“Maria isn’t going anywhere, sweetheart.” Your eyes wandered towards commander Hill.

“But what about me?

“What about you, baby?

“I don’t know, when are we gonna hang out? Ever?” Natasha’s eyes fluttered, not realizing what you had been feeling.

“We will hang out all the time. She could never take me away from you baby, okay?” You just nod, and go in for a hug. “Come on, babe, lets go celebrate my little widow.”

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littlerosetrove · 1 month

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I really enjoyed this episode! Without spoilers, it felt like the 911 that we all love a-la season 3 kinda feeling. The characters felt connected rather than disconnected like they were in season 6 and some in season 5. The 911 calls were the perfect length, nothing lingered unnecessarily, again unlike in season 6 where that was an issue. And I really enjoyed the theme of relationships, romantic relationships in particular, and examining if the relationship is healthy or perhaps going stagnant.

🌟 Now on to my Spoiler Thoughts for 7x1 in no particular order. 🌟

-Marisol was legit on screen for maybe 3 seconds, and Eddie even mentioning her was to say “oh I’m dating a woman.” We really got nothing from it beyond, to me at least, some cringe. That’s it. 😆 Bruh, this is really giving “yeah she won’t be around that long,” cause she wasn’t presented as particularly important.

- Marisol was helping chaperone Chris’s date? Ngl that’s a bit weird if she and Eddie haven’t been dating long, but perhaps that’s just me. I’m so curious how Chris even feels about Marisol. Does he think, “Doesn't matter, she probably won’t stay”?? Does Chris only like Marisol because it seems to make Eddie happy, but that’s the extent? So curious.

- Omg Eddie wants Bucks to talk to Chris, a player apparently, because at one time Buck was one. Like father, like son.

- Again loved this theme of couples just seeing if they’re doing well, are they stagnant, and just what’s important to them.

- Oh gosh, Chris sees that no matter how nice or good you are, he thinks the girl will still leave. Like his mom. Godddd. </3 And this also shows that Chris still thinks highly of his dad. He sees that his dad is a good guy, but women in his life still leave. Goddddddd.

- Bye Natalia, you will not be missed. Buck and Natalia broke up off screen because “all she wanted to talk about was death.” And thus I liked Eddie’s comment to Buck, “Welcome back to the living.” Indeed!

- I’m into this exploration of Bobby and Athena seeing what they are “without all the chaos.” Poor Bobby he was trying so hard with Athena on this cruise, being so patient. And don’t think I didn’t miss his heavy implication of, “we can just stay in bed the rest of the time ;)).”

- Soooo much Eddie on my screen THANK GOD. 💕💕💕

- Sooo much Buck and Eddie! Together! Being friends and helping each other out in parenting!!!

- Hen being one hell of a captain. 💕

- All three parents - Eddie, Buck, and Shannon - sitting in the same spot on Chris’s bed. 🫠

- I’d been wondering for so long about Chris’s thoughts about Shannon. So he did recognize that she left. Based on him reading the letter and standing the picture back up, I’m guessing…. he’s at peace now about his mom? Or getting there??

- Honestly I loved the hot tub 911 call where Eddie was so compassionate about calming down the woman. It was a funny scene, but not cringey. Ryan and the actress played it with such sincerity that it worked.

- This episode was definitely a good intro for new viewers. It shows the Buckley-Diaz family of it all, Buck and Eddie with a very close friendship, Hen in a captain role, Chimney and Maddie and their upcoming marriage talk, Shannon and who she is to Eddie and Chris, Buck is single, Eddie is dating but you really don’t need to know more about the who fghjhkb, and how close the 118 are.

- There were quite a few callbacks to episodes in seasons 2 and 3, which was so neat to see.

- Shirtless Eddie…. 🫠 Buck saw it too mmmmm. 🫠 - Maddie and Chimney were so cute. =)))

- This whole pirates or whatever they are taking over the cruise ship story is fun! Can’t wait to see how it continues to play out. - Eddie is a nester. Hmmmm. And Buck pointing out - something about he and Shannon barely dating before she got pregnant and boom! Marriage.

- Buck and Eddie being battle boyfriends. 😌💕

I think I got everything haha. Again, what a great start to the new season! I'm feeling good about what's to come. =D

#911 spoilers #9-1-1 #my thoughts #long post

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pinkpicket · 2 years

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What is blocking your success?

Mfs be ready for typos bc I haven't reviewed this 🤡

Choose an image starting with pile 1 to 6 from left to right.

Pile 1

Wow okay so remember how the society and capitalism constantly screams in our fuvking face telling us the reason why we're not successful? How u don't work hard enough? How u should actually be waking up at 3am to hustle bc that's how billionaires do it? Well that's fucking bullshit so get that shit out of ur mind. U genuinely think bill gates and ms kylie jenner hustled day and night to get $7.25 an hour? No baby they did not. So leave that mindset, it's stupid and it's literally damaging u. My advice would be to actually relax and spoil urself instead of shitting on urself for needing 9 hours of sleep. Baby i will be honest with u, as long as u treat urself harshly the universe will treat u the same. So give urself some love and relax, u deserve it.

Pile 2

Ya u need to stop thinking about relationships and dating and actually start planning and shit bc guess what? Shit needs planning it dont just happen out of thin air. So sit ur ass down and write down a plan and change the plan 74747 if that's what it takes for it to work out.

Pile 3

Communication. Baby u really lack the ability to properly communicate and persuade others. Trust me i get where u r coming from, people are fucking annoying but in this society we have to basically learn to stfu at times and not be honest bc truly that's what everyone does. So keep ur thoughts to urself and form relationships on a superficial level ( be detached ) just so u can progress in ur life and career. Remember people's ego are fragile so dont fuvk up ur life with being unnecessarily harsh and honest with ur words, be diplomatic and suger coat that shit till it turns so sweet they get hooked.

Pile 4

Whatever direction ur heading toward rn holds no success. So u wanna be the hermit and find urself? That's great but in this fucked up capitalistic society that wont bring u success. I genuinely hate to say this but spirituality is not possible with success ( materially and career wise at least) for you ( this is just for u bc others actually require to be spiritual to be successful). Also it's time for u associate and talk to people more, being an introvert is a big disadvantage for you, so go out, make friends and soon u will find success. Group work will bring you success.

Pile 5

Enough of planning, it's time to work. Dont just sit around and expect great shit to happen only bc u manifested it ( remember saturn rules everything material in this world, so if u want a successful career with good money, u gotta go by saturn's rules which are being disciplined and hard work) dont relay on shit that people from tiktok snd tumblr tell u to do "all u have to do is manifest by this technique" and not do shit?? Baby that's not how real life works. U work and u get what u deserve ( at least for u this is like this, hell manifestation might work for others but for u i see this as a different case)

Pile 6

Baby ur tired and i know, i truly see u worked hard and nothing happened. It's like all that hard work was wasted but relax now bc something big is coming. Baby u r getting what u deserve, idk when but it will come. Honestly im genuinely soo happy bc u truly deserve this. So what's blocking ur success? Nothing. Whatever it is, it will come at the right time.

Okay bye uglies. Hope u liked this NOW FOLLOW ME BC IM LITERALLY SO HELPFUL AND PRETTY 🥰💕

#free tarot #pac reading #tarot reading #free card reading #pick a card reading #pick a picture #pick a card #tarotonline #free tarot readings #tarot #tarot of the day #pick a pile

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inhumanevoid · 1 year

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HEAR ME OUT OK HEAR. ME. OUT.

so post ep14/ post cannon right. Kinn kills Korn somehow and they get Nampheung help. Chay and Kim talk and begin their journey of healing. they arent dating just yet but Kim leaves no chance empty to show Chay he wants to cherish him for life. Porsche is still the head of the Minor family but convinces Kinn to give Vegas another chance and shares power w him.

Vegas has a hard time accepting that people genuinely want understand him and hear him out after years of Kan's toxic parenting, but Pete gently guides him through it.

Now Kinn has a habit of ending his calls to Porsche, Khun, Kim and Chay with "love you, bye."

SO what if one day kinn is on a call with Vegas, to finalize some final details of a deal, he ends the call with "alright. love you, bye." and just ends the calls. Hearing those words, Vegas is in shock. he doesnt move even an inch from his office. which is where Pete finds him late into the evening, after looking for him for a long time. Hes. very worried about Vegas having had a panic attack, or a flashback of a bad experience and Pete not being there to help him thru it. hes truing to coax Vegas out of his chair when he hears him whisper," he said 'love you'." Pete doesn't know what to make of those words but tries to get Vegas to talk. he notices Vegas has his phone cluthed tightly in his hands and wonders if something happened on a call. So he gently pries the phone away, and checks the recent calls. He finds that only kinn has called in the past 2 hours.

So Pete does the next most logical thing, after getting Vegas to get up, drink some water and eat; and calls Porsche. "Hey! sorry im calling this late but i kinda had something to ask you." "Do you know if anything happened between khu- between Kinn And Vegas today. i saw they had a conversation but Vegas is acting really weird right now and i wanted to ask if you knew anything".

Pete gets a call early afternoon the next day. its Porsche. he investigated the situation and found some very interesting things. things that warmed Pete's heart so much, he physically couldn't stop smiling.

Porsche ends the his call with Pete after reassuring him that he WILL find out of anything happened. so he leaves the garage where he was cleaning his Kawasaki, and heads up to his and kinns bedroom. he cleans up, calls for Mia, Kinn's scheduling assistant, and finds out kinns still holed up in his office looking over some proposals sent by their business partners.

So he heads down to their (unnecessarily) huge kitchen, makes Kinn some chamomile tea and saunters his way up to said office. he finds kinn is the very position he expected him to find. his suit jacket flung over the back of a couch, sleeves of his shirt rolled up, hands resting on his desk, hunched over a couple of files. Porsche sets down the tea on the small coffee table, guides Kinn away from those paper. promising he could go back the minute he finished the tea and settles down beside Kinn on the couch.

he starts the conversation very casually, asking kinn about work, deals, shipping, bodyguard training and then slips in a question about the calls v vegas. "how'd your call with Vegas go?" Kinn doesn't seem to think much of the question. "Oh it was fine. we're getting that weapons deal with the organization in Korea. Mr. Cassano himself will be present for finalization." Porsche thinks Kinn wont say anything he thinks isnt important. so he lets kinn go back to him files and paper. they both had a day off tomorrow. he would get all the information he needed then.

and so the next day, when laying in bed cuddling, watch the sunrise and just basking in each other's presence, Porsche asks kin about the call with Vegas again. tells him Pete's concern. Kin himself doesnt get it at first. it takes him an entire narration of the conversation, word to word, to realize what he said. Porsche fears kinn might try to deflect from it. call its a mistake. say it was habit and it will never happen again. and Kinn does say it was habit. he admits to not realizing he said it to Vegas too. but what Porsche doesnt expect him to admit is when Kinn says he might mean it some way. thats he mightve been trained, literally, to hate Vegas ever since he started his training as the heir apparent, he clearly remembers the time he spent with his siblings and cousins as kids. all the pranks on Tankhun, cooing over Macau, teaching Kim to ride a bike, fighting over who to sleep beside Macau, cuddling with Khun, eating aunty Vera's pastries and cakes. kinn admits to finding himself wishing those days never left. wishing they didnt have to hold a gun to each others back. wishing they could go back to their fights being on whether they go to the park or to eat.

and Porsche finds himself ache. For Kinn, for Vegas, for all the Theerapanyakul Kids. and especially for all the love lost. he wishes he could wipe it all away but he knows the only thing he can do now is to make sure no one is left alone hereon. his emotions bleed into his voice when he calls pete later. he knows pete feels the same. he knows theyve all embarked on the very slow journey towards healing and acceptance.

ahahahahahahaha hello everyone ^_^. Welcome to another brainrot/headcanon.

this was "ending the call with 'love you,bye' and not realizing it whilst the other party is about to explode because they dont know what to make of if" but make it KinnPorsche.

sorry for weird ending, i didn't know what else to do.

please please pretty please tell me your thoughts? :(