#TRUST ME THIS IS LITERALLY THE SHORTEST VERSION OF IT

[starlesswritings]

✰ * ˑ › ° ◦ &&. whispered trust.

Jamil woke up late. That was already an irregular event in and of itself, but even more strange was where he woke up, and how. How, meaning specifically, the fact that he awoke to his hair being braided by gigantic tan hands and an enormous version of Kalim.

He blinked wide owlish eyes up at the dark yet bright man before his voice cracked and he squeaked, "What?"

Kalim brightened instantly. "Jamil! You're tiny, now!"

Jamil Viper did not wake up with the intention of having to experience this shit in his life. He was no bigger than from Kalim's wrist to his fingertips. He felt himself burn with the shame and embarrassment. He was absolutely tiny. Very small. Too tiny. He was literally the size of a hand. Kalim's hand, to be exact, and while that wasn't the shortest in the world, it clearly indicated that something was wrong.

"What... How — I'm small."

Do not panic. There was no reason to panic. He was still alive. There was, at the very least, that going for Jamil. He was alright, really! He was totally okay! So good! Nice! Awesome. What did it matter that he was the size of the tiniest little person — smaller than a faerie or even an actual dwarf? He was alive, he was healthy otherwise (probably — hopefully) and that was good enough —

"You're so adorable! The cutest! You look so squishy too —"

"AHHHHHHHHHH —"

—————

Kalim watched as Jamil effortlessly swung himself around the halls in his tiny form, not completely hindered by his newfound lack of height, but not at all enjoying himself as he tried to navigate how to live at the size of... a tiny little person. He was just tiny. Absolutely adorable if one thought on the positives, but Jamil didn't necessarily see it that way. He was, after all, forced to not do everything himself and rely upon the one person he really didn't want to have to rely on.

Still, that mattered little! Jamil was a big (small?) boy who could bite the bullets he didn't want to bite. He was a grown up. Very mature. So mature (okay, none of them were very grown up but who was counting their ages? Certainly not Kalim!). Jamil didn't make it too big of a problem and eventually settled into his life as a small being until Professor Crewel could brew a potion to remedy the slight ailment (slight ailment being the Professor's words, not Kalim's nor Jamil's).

"Wait up! Let me get the door for you!" Kalim shouted as he found Jamil struggling in an attempt to quite literally scale the door to get to the handle from the ground. "It's a good thing we're in mostly the same classes!"

Jamil's skin was too dark to tell very well, but he might have blushed ever so slightly at that. "Yeah. I suppose it works out well." He hurriedly fled into the classroom as if running faster would help with the stares and the whispers crowding from all directions without mercy at the very strange appearance he had taken on.

He didn't want to live life like this. It was simply too much to ask for, but literally, what could he do? There was little he could do that would change his situation. Though it angered him, Jamil had to do what must be done. The stares only grew more in intensity.

"Aw, look at the Vice Housewarden of Scarabia! He's so small!"

"Tiny!"

[thatonesongyouretryingtoremember]

Generating some

Elumax incorrect quotes

During post lemon and queueuing them <2

Generator

Also if ur unfamiliar w/ my incorrect quotes the rating out of 10 is how accurate they are imo

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Lucas: Want to hear a hard riddle?

El: Sure.

Lucas: A rooster laid an egg on a roof. Which way did it roll?

El: ...down?

Lucas: N-

Max: Who cares about which way it rolled, it would be scrambled eggs by then.

Lucas:

Lucas: No, it's that roosters don't lay eggs... Jesus Christ...

8/10 accuracy rating annzbxbhdhdbvxbdb they're literally adorable <2

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*El is telling a story*

Max: Wow, El, this story has everything! Action! Adventure! Romance!

Lucas: Romance?

Max: I have a crush on them.

5/10 accuracy this means everything to me

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Max: *finds a note* Hmm, whats this?

El: Hey, that's mine! *tries to grab it*

Max: Aww, it's a love note for Lucas?

El: No-

Max: *opens it*

Max:

El:

Max: I can't read this.

3/10 what is goinging on

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Lucas: Yesterday, I overheard El saying “Are you sure this is a good idea?” and Max replying “Trust me,” and I have never moved from one room to another so quickly in my life.

8/10 but that's how you get spied on

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Max: Five little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and…

El: Was diagnosed with mesothelioma.

Max: Mamma called the doctor and the doctor said…

Lucas: You might be entitled to financial compensation if he or a loved one dies.

Um

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Lucas: Which movie are you and Max going to see tonight?

El: Oh, I always go to whichever movie Max wants.

Lucas: Which one do they want to see?

El: I haven't decided yet.

5/10 elmax movie nights REAL

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El: Make no mistake. Not only am I party rocking, but I am also in the house tonight.

Lucas: But are you shuffling?

El: Everyday.

Max: What language are you two speaking??

5/10

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Lucas: Make no mistake. Not only am I party rocking, but I am also in the house tonight.

El: But are you shuffling?

Lucas: Everyday.

Max: What language are you two speaking??

10/10 Lucas saying "make no mistake" with the utmost confidence <22

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El: So... what’s goin’ on?

Lucas: You want the long version or the short version?

El, hesitantly: The short one, I guess?

Lucas: Shit’s fucked.

El: Oh. Well, yeah, that’s definitely not an optimal situation.

10/10 the fact this was the one Max wasn't speaking in their name for Max is "the short one"

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*Lucas teaching El to drive and taking Max along for the ride*

Lucas: That's a pothole. To the left!

El: Take it back now y'all *Drives into pothole*

Max, sticking their face into the front over the center console: Cha Cha real smooth.

El: I don't think that's how the song goes.

Lucas, crying and gripping the handle: Please just take me home.

El: Country Roads.

Max: To the place.

El and Max in unison: I Belong!

Lucas, crying harder: What the fuck?

10/10 let Lucas be frustrated with their chaotic antics challenge let El drive challenge let Max be happy challenge

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El: I need 28 lightbulbs for 28 ducks.

Lucas: Ducks can’t eat lightbulbs?

Max: I think that’s the point.

El: Exactly. I want my ducks to glow so I can find them.

7/10 so THAT'S what they were planning...

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Lucas: What’s it like being tall?

Lucas: Is it nice?

Lucas: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?

El: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want.

Max: It was one time!

10/10 El being the tallest and strongest and Max being the shortest REAL

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El: Guys, Max is missing.

Lucas: Good.

3/10 dw guys he means bc she's awake 😅

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Lucas: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?

El: We're chopsticks!

Lucas: Well... that's cute!

Lucas: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?

Max: No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.

10/10 accuratte

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El, in a high voice, holding Barbie: Hey, Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!

Max, in a deep voice, holding Ken: Nonsense, Barbie. You’re staying home and having my kids.

Lucas: What the fuck are you guys doing?

El: Playing systemic oppression.

10/10 but specifically during season 3

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Max: You don't need my blessing to go kiss Lucas. In fact, I was pretty sure you were already kissing Lucas!

El: Nope.

Max: In that case, as the archbishop of El's fully awakened gaydom, I give you my blessing to immediately leave and rectify that as soon as possible! Go now, my child, and kiss Lucas right on the lips!!!

4/10 but transmasc/transboy queer El REAL and hopclair my beloved <2

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Lucas: How did you even get in here?

Max: El's window! Or, as I like to call it, "Max's door"!

El: I’m closing the window.

El's staying at the Wheelers in ST5 Lucas was there to witness the gays panicking for a sleepover with Will and Mike

6/10

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Lucas: Do you think different paints have different tastes?

El: They do.

Max: ...Why did you say that with such certainty?

7/10 not me rearranging all the quotes for Lucas to ask the philosophical questions- he's just such a curious soul <2

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Max: If I say I love you, will you say it back?

Lucas: Yes.

Max: I love you.

Lucas: It back.

*Later*

El: Why is Max crying face-down on the floor?

10/10 the girls who get it get it

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El & Lucas:*Playing video games*

Max: You guys woke up at 5:30 in the morning just to play games?

El: *silence*

Lucas: *silence*

Max, finally figuring it out: ...You two never went to sleep, did you?

El & Lucas in shame: Yeah...

6/10 Max had major fomo she was totally listening the whole night

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Wait the site crashed but the next one was going to be ab the moon :(

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That's all, folks

[cenobittten]

Security Breach: The unseen story?

Be prepared to rethink everything you know about the game.

Ok so, based on a year of theorising, I think the plot of Security Breach may be totally different to what we have perceived it to be. Here is the shortest write up of my theory that I can muster. I have explanations coming to explain how I reached these conclusions. Trust me, I have way more to say on the matter.

It might help you to read the script or watch a playthrough of the game with this theory in mind. You'll likely spot the same things I did on the rewatch.

My breakdown of the plot of Security Breach

Gregory is the Crying Child remade physically. This is integral to the theory because it means he represents an Afton child with existing relationships/dynamics.

Patient 71 is Vanessa who has the soul of Elizabeth/Baby. Patient 46 is Gregory while acting as a vessel for William/Glitchtrap (46). The tapes help tell the story of what led up to Security Breach and fit with this theory. Also note the location of each CD, I think there are additional clues there.

Security Breach is actually the story of Fazbear Entertainment knowingly handling the Glitchtrap virus in the Pizzaplex, preventing the escape of William Afton and maintaining control of the situation.

The game has parallels to abusive/toxic family dynamics and fundamentally represents a power struggle between Mrs. A and William. Both want power and to control/win over their children.

Mrs Afton is the unseen but omnipresent owner of the Pizzaplex. She created it after escaping with Baby/Ennard from the Sister Location spot. She was originally Ballora but may have a different form now - she has explicit links to Roxy at very least. (Big explain coming soon). She has very big, evil plans for the Pizzaplex.

Prior to the game beginning, Mrs Afton uncovered the ruins of the FNAF 6 location with the goal of having Henry's soul inhabit Glamrock Freddy. Together, the duo begin to rebuild the company and - literally - their family. Mrs. Afton needs Henry's engineering skills to start again. They keep Afton imprisoned in the basement, unsure what to do with him. They may well be using him as part of their goals, against their better judgement.

Gregory - before disaster struck - was innocent but unknowingly complicit in FE's crimes. He helped the family business by becoming the new version of Balloon Boy (he does no harm himself but gives the animatronics an opening to attack the victim). He lived with his family in the Pizzaplex and he is friends with the animatronics - he may not know he is an animatronic himself. Freddy was designed specifically as a bodyguard for him. His job was to drum up business and unknowingly lure people into the Pizzaplex FE's experiments. However, one day Gregory begins to suspect something strange is going on. He follows the breadcrumb trail, glitches the arcade machines/tries the VR game and accidentally becomes a vessel for Afton/Glitchtrap.

William - now in Gregory's body - proceeds to pretend to be Gregory, playing along with FE's plans with the goal of overthrowing the management in the long term.

Mrs Afton notices Gregory is behaving out of character and asks the company therapist to get to the bottom of it. Patient 46 is Gregory post-Glitchtrap infection, trying to fly under the radar. Glitchtrap kills the therapists to cover his tracks but Mrs Afton persists. To prevent William from catching on, they play along. The therapists and Mrs. A are in cahoots, using the sessions to find out more information.

FE handles the initial virus outbreak (i.e stated in tape 16) but Gregtrap modifies the code to escape detection. As the therapist says, "the glitch stopped being a glitch and turned into an intentional set of subroutines that were aimed at creating the same thing the glitch created". Consequently, FE have already dealt with Glitchtrap system wide. However, at the start of Security Breach, they're still chasing the source of the glitches/subroutines which keep shifting. 

To end the problems once and for all, FE decide to set a trap. They lock all the individuals they are suspicious of in the Pizzaplex to observe their behaviour. 

Mrs. A sends Vanessa - her trusted daughter and employee - from another branch to sort out the Pizzaplex. Vanessa is the final current form of Elizabeth/Baby - an entity that spent years trapped alone with her mother in a basement. Mrs. A knows she can trust Vanessa to act in the best interest in the company and with utmost discretion. However, Mrs A. also suspects that William has already got to Vanessa and that Vanessa cannot figure out where her loyalty lies.

Meanwhile, Mrs. Afton suspects that Henry is having second thoughts about the company. She suspects his heart isn't in it and that he may be waiting to escape or double cross her.

Unsure where William is hiding/who is siding with him, FE sets a trap for all three of them. They find a way to get Gregory in Freddy's hatch. Then, Mrs. A takes the opportunity to reset Freddy and Gregory, triggering safe mode for Freddy (inc. low battery capability). Freddy and the animatronics are disconnected from the mainframe for a true test/network safety. Mrs Afton resets Gregory in the hope that doing so will remove Glitchtrap, return Gregory to his normal self or wipe his memory. Likewise, she hopes Henry and Vanessa's reactions to Gregory will help her figure out their motivation. 

When Gregory exits the hatch, Mrs. A and FE watch to see how all involved react. Freddy and the animatronics pretend he's just a lost kid they don't know. Meanwhile, FE set Vanessa off after the two of them. The three are triangulated against each other and their behaviour monitored so the managers can figure out who is and isn't infected by Glitchtrap. Freddy is desperately hoping Gregory will be his normal self again.

What begins after is a hilarious game of rope-a-dope. Since Gregory acts like a lost child, Freddy calls Gregory's bluff and plays along. At every step, the pizzaplex throws up barriers designed to delay Gregory for time. From Freddy's unexpected detour to 'first aid' in the basement, the machine eating Gregory's pass, and the forced detour to daycare. FE can manipulate Pizzaplex machines on demand.

The daycare segment was the first real test. Fazbear Entertainment assume that a lost child will feel safe in daycare with the non-threatening Sun. Sun tries to distract and keep Gregory in place but he makes a beeline for the security pass. Gregory fails the test. The fail-safe goes off and Fazbear Entertainment cut the lights, subjecting Gregory to the glitchtrap-infected Moon as a distraction. 

Meanwhile, FE direct the animatronics to wait for Gregory outside of the door, ready to capture him, now they are certain something is wrong.

However, Freddy ruins their plan by saving Gregory before the other animatronics can get to him. I think from the plot details we have suggest that Freddy has his own ulterior motives separate from FE. Perhaps FE plan to disassemble Gregory and Henry can't handle that?

However, Freddy doesn't get far before needing to go to the recharge station. 

Vanny happens (and has little impact on the story). 

Freddy does his best to direct Gregory to an alternative exit, hoping to escape with Gregory. However security passes block them at every turn.

Eventually, Vanessa closes in. Gregory blacks out when she captures him. She takes Gregory to Lost and Found, following procedure. This exchange reads as authentic - Vanessa is merely trying to do her job. Vanny happens again. 

It's very possible there is a time skip here - unbeknownst to Gregory.

During Gregory's trip to lost and found, Freddy is either injured as punishment for not obeying orders or as another test for Gregory. Or both. Freddy directs Gregory to do fetch quests so they can go to Parts and Service. They have to fix Freddy before he goes any further. 

Gregory goes to the Rehearsal Room and gets locked in. Freddy spontaneously regains the ability to communicate and the use of his legs - which is so odd, the script calls it out. This miracle may be due to Gregory's actions in said room or this could suggest Freddy was being deceptive about his motives. Could this be a ploy for time or a mission with a secret goal for Freddy? Perhaps he stole the Showtime disk for a different reason? 

Either way, this scene reveals the pizzaplex is on lockdown. This could suggest that FE are manipulating the pizzaplex to modify Gregory and Freddy's route.

Freddy tells Gregory he has to vent (lol) and they are reunited. They head towards Parts and Service

Just as they approach PaS, Freddy begins to run out of power. Gregory gets into a recharge station just in time to see Moon knock Freddy out and drag him away. I personally think this is confirmation that Moon is possessed/controlled by Glitchtrap - independently of Gregory - and he is also working against Henry and to achieve his own ulterior motives. I believe Moon's goal is to seperate Gregory and Freddy to prevent their escape and also to guide Gregory towards upgrading Freddy. 

Gregory detours through the rest of PaS and goes up against endos. He returns to Freddy and witnesses a cutscene with Freddy and Vanessa. This scene reads totally different with this theory in mind. A key nod comes from Vanessa suggesting "If you are part of this, you are scrap.". This confirms there is more going on than meets the eye. Vanessa also talks about replacing Freddy which I think is a clue to her being more senior/being more than just a security guard. How does Vanessa have any control over who performs?

Gregory finally reunites with Freddy. Gregory fixes Freddy before asking what he can use to "stop the other bots". He then notes that all of the animatronics have special parts and states "we could upgrade you!". Unbeknownst to Freddy, this is Glitchtrap's real aim. He wants to use Gregory to find a way to his Burntrap body in the basement with the hope he can find a way to free himself. This is why Gregory is so angry when Freddy tries to dissuade him.

Freddy states that the animatronics would never ha a child, it is against their programming. I think this is there to highlight what seems like unwarranted aggression from Gregory.

Gregory heads to Monty Golf of Fazer Blast. Stuff happens. The key point here, though, is that as soon as Gregory begins to break/take parts from the animatronic, his goals become clear to Mrs. A. She knows that the upgrades to access Burntrap are spread across the animatronics to prevent any accidental accessing of this area. At this point, Gregory's facade falls away for FE. He is openly aggressive towards the animatronics but Freddy appears too naive/trusting to realise. He seems genuinely concerned/upset about the idea of the other animatronics being injured.

This marks the point where the animatronics (and Vanessa) become more aggressive ingame.

Freddy and Gregory head to Roxy Raceway. Sidenote: I think the scene with the S.T.A.F.F driving assist bot head quest is a lore clue. Why do you need a specific 'head' to drive a go-kart if S.T.A.F.F bots are generic? Also worth noting, the post-it note room (presumably Gregory's) is full of Staffbot heads with glowing eyes and Gregory takes Freddy's head with him in the Princess Quest ending. Food for thought… 

Freddy tells Gregory to go to the West Arcade, making excuses not to go himself. I believe he knows he cannot get caught again as he will be disassembled. Here, the animatronics really throw themselves at Gregory. Roxy launches herself at him. The half-body of Monty does an alligator death roll jumpscare. Basically, FE makes a last ditch attempt to grab Gregory, even triggering Bouncer mode on DJ Music Man. (No sign of the "nice guy" Freddy claims him to be). Freddy even comments that "The Security System knows you are here and has locked you out". I believe this is a hint. Why would the animatronics be hunting Gregory if they cannot/would not harm a child? And why would the 'security system' be trying to catch him?

After this section, we move onto the endings. Each of these have interesting subtext in this theory. 

Gregory leaves: Gregtrap plays along with his 'lost kid' gambit to the end. Henry - as Freddy - helps him to escape. He wants to do so himself but cannot and instead lets his child go, hoping at least he can be safe. However, FE are ready for him. Gregory has nowhere to go and Vanny quickly finds him. Glitchtrap loses. 

Fire exit ending: Gregory can drive. Major hint. He does so, laughing like a loon. He's done it. He's escaped the Pizzaplex with Freddy in tow. He runs over Mapbot with glee. He hates the animatronics. Freddy runs out of power but Gregory easily revives him, showing he has more knowledge of tech than he claimed. Glitchtrap wins

Vanny ending: Vanny catches up to Freddy. FE has figured out that Freddy has gone rogue and he is trying to escape/go against Mrs. A. As a result, Vanny instructs the staffbots to disassemble Freddy. Gregory responds by instructing the Staffbots to 'disassemble Vanny'. Gregtrap doesn't really want to - she is his daughter after all and its possible she was his collaborator - but she leaves him no choice. She is acting on behalf of Mrs. A and he needs to survive. He goes back to Freddy and keeps up the Gregory act. He weeps at Henry's side. Given that Freddy and Gregory have a father-son relationship, it's a genuinely sad moment and I believe Freddy is totally genuine in his final words. Glitchtrap survives but everyone else lose.

Burntrap ending: This is the ending where Glitchtrap wins. Working in tandem, Gregory and Burntrap make out that they are fighting but in actuality, Gregory is helping him to escape. The Blob knows Gregory is possessed and tries to stop him. However, what no one realises is that Glitchtrap's ultimate goal is to merge with the Blob, allowing him to grow stronger and ultimately tap into the Pizzaplex' systems.

Princess Quest: The good guys win? Now this is the ending I am still shaky on. I'm unsure what exactly happened. Ultimately, however, Freddy gets to escape (sort of… only his head does) with both of his kids. So is this a happy ending? I'm genuinely not sure. I am not convinced the Princess Quest game freed Vanessa or Gregory or anyone else. It's possible that Gregory just reinfected the Pizzaplex again, removing Mrs. A's control and placing it back in William's. Alternatively, perhaps it did but Gregtrap lives on. That said, I'm sorely tempted to say this is a happy ending and this represents Henry, Greg and Vanessa finding freedom from William and Mrs. A. There are way more sinister readings available though.

A little sidenote: What about Mike? If Freddy is Henry, where does Mike fir in. Well, I think his absence is deliberately glaring. I think we were wrong about the Post-It note room family scene. Mike wasn't represented by Balloon Boy but by the headless robot. Balloon World suggests BB is Gregory. So why is Mike headless? I believe he decided to work against FE and he has been systematically disowned and his existence ignored by Mrs. A ever since. There is a hint to this in Help Wanted. They want to write him out of the story and discredit him as he and his knowledge poses a direct risk to FE's future. This is why he is entirely absent in the Encyclopedia.

I have taken some creative liberties to fill in the gaps but I think this is a good starting point. I believe Security Breach is a game of deduction and deception so its possible there is even more going on. Maybe Gregory and Vanny/Vanessa are working together/double crossed each other? Or Fazbear Entertainment staff were plotting to put Glitchtrap in charge? Its hard to know right now but imho, there is way more to this story than meets the eye here.

Alternative theory names:

Mrs Afton vs. William theory

Among us theory

Cluedo theory

Trap theory

Gregtrap theory

[lucysometimeswrites]

Awards Season

sup! this is an idea i had that i just had to write. it’s more of the reader’s experience and her thought and her moment than tom, but i still hope you like it. feedback accepted and have a good day :)

Y/N is playing ciara bravo’s role in this, and yeah, enjoy! also lmk if u want a latina version of this or tom winning the award cuz i have it

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“And here to present the award for Best Actress in a Supporting Role we have previous winner of the very same award: Anne Hathaway!” the host announced. Anne appeared from the left side of the stage, expertly walking and smiling towards the microphone while everyone clapped and cheered for her.

“Thank you! Thank you, you are too kind” she said cheekily, earning a laugh from the audience. “Tonight, we are honoured with the presence of many talented and passionate actresses, and by that I mean me, of course,” she continued, the audience loving her humour more and more. Anne started her small speech about the characters the actresses nominated in the category portrayed, commenting that I portrayed a troubled character who becomes a drug addict for love. I felt a warmth touch my hand, and I turned to Tom, who was sitting right beside me. He gave me a reassuring smile and squeezed my hand, knowing that I felt a little anxious about this award. It was my first Oscar nomination, and after working my ass off for Cherry where I co-starred with Tom, even I thought I deserved it. I didn’t care much about winning, though, because I felt I won the moment I got nominated. Yes, it is very cliche and almost everyone says that, but now I can see how true it is. This is probably the biggest moment of my career yet, and I was loving every second of it.

Tom and I stared at each other with a smile for a bit longer, until we heard Anne say, “Here are the nominees for Best Actress in a Supporting Role”:

“Emma Stone, Him and Her,” Ooo I loved that film.

“Anya-Taylor Joy - Emma,” Her range is insane.

“Y/N Y/L - Cherry,” I gave a big smile and a wave to the camera as it focused on me, simultaneously squeezing Tom’s hand again because he knew how the cameras made me a little awkward and uncomfortable. “You did great.”  he whispered in my ear, and I gave him a small smile back.

“Jennifer Lawrence - Don’t Look Up,” My literal idol.

“Taraji P. Henson - At 38th Street,” She’s so talented.

“And the Oscar goes to...”

Those five seconds she took to open the envelope were the shortest and longest of my life. I felt as if the world had stopped, along with my breathing, and Tom and I were squeezing each other’s hands to the point where I was sure we’d cut each others circulation off. I loved how excited and nervous he was for me, and he’d made sure to tell me plenty of times before the show that he’d be there for me whether I won or not and that we would celebrate until we couldn’t feel our feet anymore. He had been my literal rock through--

“Y/N Y/L, Cherry!” Anne exclaimed.

...What?!

I looked up astonished to Anne, and even mouthed Me? to her. She happily nodded, and that’s when it clicked that the entire theatre was clapping for me. Shock and confusion and amazement ran through me, making me lose sense as to what to do next. I slowly rose from my seat, looking around and my eyes landed on Tom, who sported the biggest smile ever and helped pull me up. We stood in front of each other for a millisecond before he engulfed me in a big, strong hug and I, still in shock, slowly put my arms around his neck and reciprocated the affection.

“You did it, darling! You did it!” he proudly said in my ear.

“I did it...I can’t believe I did it. I’m so freaking shocked and confused I don’t know what to do” I answered and pulled back to look at him. He cupped my face in his hands and pressed a big kiss on my forehead. “Go get your award!” he laughed, giving me small push as a start.

I laughed, still in disbelief, and looked around again, spotting the Russo’s who went to give me a big hug.

“You did it Y/N! You deserve this so much” they each said, and I whispered a Thank you back.

I finally turned back and slowly made my way up the stage, constantly looking towards the audience so that I could really take the moment in and never forget it. Turning to Anne, she held the Oscar in her hands and gave my a big smile, hugging me and saying, “Ugh you did amazing Y/N, you deserve this so much honey, congratulations!”

“Thank you so much, oh my gosh, you’ve literally been one of my idols ever since I was a kid.” I told her breathless.

“Aw you’re so sweet,” she laughed, “Go! You have about a minute to thank everyone.”

I went to the microphone and looked across the audience, spotting many celebrities who were still standing up and clapping for me, even when we hadn’t worked together. My eyes dashed to Tom, who was also wooing and cheering for me, and gave me a thumbs up, silently saying You got this, as had said to me many times before.

“Oh my God, I can’t believe it” I laughed in disbelief again, everyone still clapping for me. Soon, they settled and I continued “I can’t even-- let me catch my breath for second.” I stepped back a little and put my hands on my knees as if I’d just finished running a marathon, making the audience laugh a little.

I went back up, “You guys have absolutely no idea how much this means to me,” holding the Oscar a little higher, “I dreamt of this ever since I started to really get into acting and to actually have it in my hands is a dream come true. I wanna thank the Academy for this incredible honor. I honestly felt I won the moment I got nominated alongside these amazing and talented women,” I gestured to my fellow nominees who I could spot in the front rows. “When I say that you all deserve this award just as much as I do, I’m not kidding. Jennifer you have been such an icon to me ever since The Hunger Games and ohmygoshicantbelievethisisreal,” I quickly said with my hand near my mouth, earning a laugh from her and the audience, me joining them. “Emma and Anya your performances were ridiculously good and Taraji P. Henson I absolutely adore you.” They laughed once again, sending me kisses and smiles.

“A minute is not nearly enough to be able to thank everyone I wanna thank but I’ll do my best. Thank you to my amazing and incomparable directors Joe and Anthony Russo,” a wave of cheering ensued for them, “Thank you for trusting me with bringing this story to life, for guiding me along the way and never giving up on me even on the days when I was unbearable” I said with a small laugh. “Thank you to the screenwriters Angela and Jessica for writing this beautiful piece of work and to Nico Walker for telling his story and allowing us to bring it to the cinemas--cinemas? Wow, sorry I’ve been spending a lot of time with Tom so I’m starting to turn a little British” I chuckled and turned to look at him to find him laughing as well.

“Tom,” here it goes, “I have no words to express how grateful I am for you. You have been my rock and my best friend throughout this entire journey and for that I love you so much. Thanks for putting up with me and my craziness and sharing the good and bad days with me. There is no one I would rather have shared the screen with and I love you so so so much.” I said, from the bottom of my heart, and saw him tearing up while sending me a million kisses with his hands and mouthing I love you more. The audience awed and clapped once more.

“I also wanna thank Victoria- you beautiful woman- for taking me in and always believing in me even when I didn’t believe in myself- aw you’re crying! Oop, sorry I’ll shut up, um-” I said as she waved her hand for me not to expose that she was crying, the theatre laughing at our banter, “Thank you Lizzie, Monica and all of my team, thank you to all of the cast and crew who made this happen.” I continued, moving to thank my family and more emotions hitting me like a truck again, feeling tears pool in my eyes. I shook my head and looked up so as to prevent them from falling.

“I- I’m not gonna cry, that’s stupid.” I said into the microphone but mostly to myself, everyone laughing and clapping once again in a comforting manner. “Sorry,” I laughed, “I’m gonna thank my family, but they unfortunately couldn’t make it here tonight so--” everyone awed in sadness, and I jokingly waved them off, “Oh shut up, whatever.” Another chorus of laughter, “I wanna thank my family all the way back home. You guys, you’re the best thing this life has given me and I’m eternally grateful for your support. Although, I did say that if I ever won an Oscar I wouldn’t thank you because you didn’t believe I could do this, l would not be able to forgive myself if I didn’t. Thank you for always being there for me and teaching me everything I know. For the unconditional love” my lip trembled, “and for showing me that you can do anything with hard work and passion. I love you--Please wrap up--sorry! Okay I’m going.” I nervously said. “I also wanna thank all of my friends for their support and finally I dedicate this award to all the girls out there with big dreams that scare you. Follow them, don’t let anyone stop you or tell you you’re not worthy because you sure as hell are destined for great things. Um, thank you so much!” I finished. The audience clapped and cheered and wooed once more and I gave them one final smile and amazed look, catching Tom’s eye and receiving a wink, then following Anne backstage where I would be taking pictures and answering questions.

I wonder how we’ll celebrate now that I’ve actually won...

-------------------------------------

disclaimer: these are all fake names and fake movie titles i made up for the purpose of the fic

[leverage-ot3]

notable moments from The Homecoming Job

leverage 1.02

Dr. LeRoque: Pardon me, Mr. uh?

Nate: Oh, uh, Nathan Ford. You’re Dr. LeRoque?

Dr. LeRoque: Can I talk to you outside?

Perry: Doc, he’s cool, I found him on the internet.

Dr. LeRoque: Yes, that never goes badly. (to Nate) With me.

Nate: Uh… I’ll be in touch.

(Perry hands him the flash drive and Nate follows the doctor out of the room)

okay but big mood “I found him on the Internet” “that never goes badly”

but also,,, bruh we NEED to know how their clients found them,,, like ??? H O W

- - - - -

Dr. LeRoque: You can’t just come in here and get his hopes up!

Nate: I’m just here to provide options.

Dr. LeRoque: There are no options.

Nate: The Veteran’s hospital …

Dr. LeRoque: Is 400 miles away and has a five month waiting list. Everybody in that rehab room is a reservist. When reservists get out they get sent home no matter where home is or how far it is from the treatment they need. Nobody thought this through. We’re not a rich hospital, I cashed in every favor I had to take care of these kids for as long as I could but I have to go back in there and tell Perry we can’t treat him anymore. I have to do that. Run your scam on somebody with money.

Nate: It’s not a scam. I’m here to help.

Dr. LeRoque: People don’t just show up to help. That’s not the way the world works.

leverage really called out the us government’s negligence and neglect for veterans in episode TWO and we stan them so hard for it

leverage said “go big or go home” from the VERY beginning

- - - - -

[Audition Room]

Sophie: Why? Why? I can’t live like this anymore. With the lies and the filth. No. Help me. I want to be clean. I want to be clean.

(two directors watching are overwhelmed by just how awful Sophie is)

Rogers: Yeah, you understand this is a soap commercial, right?

Sophie: Uh huh. When I thought about Peggy I came up with this idea that the dirt was really this giant metaphor, for sin.

(Sophie’s cell rings, she glances at her purse)

Rogers: You should take that. No, no you should take that.

Sophie: Oh. (answers phone) Hello? When? (hangs up) Peggy killed her first husband.

Rogers: Thank you

I literally scream every time I LOVE SOPHIE S O MUCH WHAT THE FUCK

- - - - -

[Parking Lot]

(one man is laying on the hood of a car and another falls on top of him. Eliot turns away from the car as the last man pulls a gun on him. They stare at each other for a moment, then a phone rings)

Eliot: That you or me?

(man seems unsure as the phone continues to ring)

Eliot: Could be important. Does your mama have your number?

(man looks down and Eliot grabs the gun, punching the man in the neck. The man goes down, choking. Eliot unloads the gun and tosses it away before pulling out his phone and answering it)

Eliot: Yeah? Nothing, why?

“nothing”? I’m-

- - - - -

(guard walks by a painting hanging in a museum gallery. He looks away for a moment, and when he looks back a rope is dangling where the painting had been. A cell phone rings)

Parker: Parker. Shh. No, I wasn’t shushing you.

I love her, your honor

- - - - -

(Parker, Eliot and Sophie come around the corner and head down the hall)

Parker: From the first job?

Eliot: Yeah.

Parker: I put all that money in a Swiss bank account.

Eliot: Millions of dollars and you didn’t buy anything?

Parker: I don’t like stuff, I like money.

Sophie: I bought a little retirement home, an island.

Eliot: Nice.

Sophie: In Dubai. And Tokyo.

Parker: What about you?

(they reach the door which has a small envelope with Sophie’s name written on it. Sophie takes it off the door and opens it)

Eliot: Yeah, I’m not about to tell two known thieves what I did with a multi-million dollar payout.

Sophie: Don’t you trust us?

(Eliot doesn’t answer.)

- - - - -

Hardison: This is our new cover story. Welcome to Leverage Consulting and Associates, founded in 1913 by the great Harland Leverage the Third.

(Hardison points to a painting on the wall of an older man that greatly resembles Nate)

Sophie: I’m sorry. Nate is going to kill you.

Eliot: Did you paint that?

Hardison: I’m gifted.

Eliot: That’s weird

HARLAND LEVERAGE THE THIRD

- - - - -

Hardison: Now Leverage Consulting Inc. is squeaky clean, all corporate taxes on record as being paid for the last ninety years. (He gives them each a cell and a folder) All your identities as partners, your payroll taxes are paid, you guys have pension plans and dental, those are employment records, case files and company newsletters.

(the group walks the halls of the Leverage offices as they discuss the files)

Parker: In 1998 I won the sack race at the 4th of July picnic. Cool.

Hardison: Now these, these are your offices. Now you can bring something like a photo, you know what, a plant! I’m a big supporter of dandelions.

hardison goes hardcore when coming up with backstories

- - - - -

(Hardison opens doors to a conference room that holds a long table with many chairs around it. One wall is dedicated to large TV screens)

Sophie: Nice.

Eliot: My man.

Hardison: Long version or the short version?

Sophie: Short.

Eliot: Short version.

Parker: Shortest.

(Hardison hits a remote the TV screens illustrate his explanation)

Hardison: Photo and video forensics programs, back doors into every electronic banking system in the world, running heuristic data crawls all over the news sites to find our clients, oh also!

Parker: This is the short version?

Hardison: Facial recognition database tied into CIA, NSA and the FBI. But, the real pièce de résistance (changes screens to sports games) DirectTV HD Total Sports Package. NFL, NBA and I threw in a little bit of hockey ‘cause I know you people like that.

Eliot: Hockey.

hardison nests SO HARD

like, bring in all the highest tech into your cozy new office you designed for you and your fellow adopted criminals? heck yeah

- - - - -

Nate: Our client is the cameraman. Corporal Robert Perry. He says that the Castleman contractors spooked and started firing.

Eliot: 5.56 NATO rounds mixed in with some 9 mils from the sub-machine guns. Insurgents would have used AK-47s with 7.62 ammo. It has more of a... (hits the back of his hand to his palm) crack. Contractors shot 'em up all right.

Parker: You ID’d the weapon from the gunshot sound?

Eliot: It has a very distinctive sound

D I S T I N C T I V E

- - - - -

Nate: Yes, and lobbyists in every office in Washington, DC. The problem with a cover-up is all the paperwork it takes to keep the lies straight.

Hardison: Internal emails, memos.

Nate: Exactly.

- - - - -

[Roof]

[Hardison and Parker are wearing black and connected to repelling gear)

Hardison: I gotta go back to the office I just remembered something.

Parker (adjusting Hardison’s harness): What?

Hardison: I just remembered gravity and the squishiness of all my manly bits.

Parker: I designed this rig myself. The line is carbon fiber. Five point harness. Weight support here, here, and here. Auto-breaking resistance on the main pulley back here.

Hardison: Okay cool, so it’s tested?

Parker: Not yet.

Hardison: Not yet? When the hell was you gonna test it?

(Parker pushes Hardison off the roof. She smiles, he screams)

Parker: Big baby.

(she jumps after him. Hardison screams until he stops upside down. Parker lowers herself to his side)

Hardison: Seriously? Seriously

hardison’s first time rappelling decidedly Did Not Go Well

- - - - -

Sophie: My company’s focused on meeting senators, but I’m thinking congressmen.

DuFort: You know the great thing about congressmen? Fifty, a hundred grand well spent will get one elected, but then once they’re in the incumbency rate is over 95 percent so you can get an average 18, 20 years’ use out of one of them. In these uncertain times buying a United States congressman is one of the best investments a corporation can make.

[DuFort’s Office]

Hardison: Oh I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. I’m a professional criminal and I find that disturbing

they’re going at america’s THROAT in this one and I love it. thank you john rogers

- - - - -

(while DuFort is distracted Sophie pulls out his wallet and removes the RFID card with her teeth. DuFort takes off his coat to look at the stain)

I am but a simple gay and this was Hot™

- - - - -

the phones hardison gave the team have six main buttons: internet, text, files, to-do, id scan, and mail

- - - - -

Nate: Parker, what’s the status of the voicelock?

[DuFort’s Office]

Parker: Uh, I’ve been sampling DuFort’s speech but I still need a few more sounds.

[Private Party]

Nate: How many?

[DuFort’s Office]

Parker: Well I only need the sounds puh, tuh, oo, ah, eh, oh, ah, ke, a, ef.

[Private Party]

Nate: Ah, only those. Eliot.

(Eliot walks by carrying two trays of appetizers)

Eliot: I’m on it. Pardon. (approaches Sophie and DuFort) Hello.

Sophie: Ooh. Mmm.

Eliot: (to DuFort) Appetizer, sir?

DuFort: Sure, what do you got?

Eliot: I’ve got the pâté d’escargot avec bière d'Argentine and (looks at second tray and grimaces) what looks like old duck, kind of greasy.

DuFort: I guess I’ll have the first one.

Eliot: Of course.

(Eliot offers him the second tray and Dufort looks at him expectantly)

DuFort: Well? May I have some?

Eliot: The greasy duck?

Sophie: Oh, no, no, no, I wouldn’t have the greasy duck.

Eliot: No I wouldn’t suggest it.

DuFort: No, the other one.

(Eliot pretends confusion)

DuFort: The the pâté d’escargot with the bière d'Argentine!

Eliot: Excellent choice sir (gives DuFort the first tray).

DuFort: (takes food) Who is this clown?

[DuFort’s Office]

Parker: Pretty good. Got most of them. Okay, now all I need is ef, uh and kuh.

[Private Party]

(DuFort spits out the appetizer he has taken)

DuFort: This is shrimp!

Eliot: Very good then. (walks away)

DuFort: It’s shrimp you stupid F----!

[DuFort’s Office]

Parker: Oh, there they are. Really loud too

parker being so competent and knowledgeable about voice activation codes? amazing. iconic.

and the whole scene with eliot and the food? hilarious.

also there already another meta post about this but this scene shows just how SMART eliot is,,, like coming up with that on spot??? don’t get me wrong, hardison is “the smartest man [any of them know]” but damn

- - - - -

continuing list of non-weapon objects eliot uses as weapons:

an IV stand

+ bonus

nate: the defibrillator/AED

- - - - -

Perry: Mr. Ford!

(Perry pushes a defibrillator towards Nate, who grabs the paddles. The first man runs toward Eliot with a knife, but Eliot grabs his arm and pushes him toward Nate)

Nate: Hello.

(Nate hits the man in the chest with the defibrillator paddles and he flies backward, unconscious)

eliot looking Impressed™ at nate for that

- - - - -

Eliot: Play time’s over Nate, it’s only a matter of time before they come after us. The tall one, the way he used a knife, ex-Marine, probably Force Recon.

Hardison: You ID’d a guy off his knife-fighting style?

Eliot: It’s a very distinctive style.

two distinctives in one episode

- - - - -

Hardison: I didn’t sign up for any of this. What I did before, nobody got hurt.

Sophie: I stole paintings for a living.

Parker: I never hurt anybody.

Eliot: I actually hurt people, so…

LMFAO eliot but also- notice that sophie never said that she never hurt people, she just said she stole paintings for a living

- - - - -

Sophie: Nate, if anything had happened to this kid--

Nate: You know you guys called on me. You remember? You begged me to run the crew, agreed to play by my rules. Now walk out if you have a problem with that. Walk out any day if you have a problem with that. It’s simple.

(everyone looks hesitant)

Eliot: We finish this one.

Parker: Just one

PSH like any of y’all believe that

- - - - -

Hardison: How do we hit ‘em?

Sophie: Congressman Jenkins, he’s our in. Looked me straight in the eye and told me he’d never even heard of the shooting.

Parker: So?

Sophie: Looked me in the eye? When men are telling me the truth they’re not looking me in the eye. A man only ever looks a woman in the eye when he’s making the effort to lie to her.

Eliot: ...Well you can’t argue with that.

Hardison: Noted and filed

LMFAO

- - - - -

Nate: All right, Jenkins is DuFort’s pet congressman, let’s see if we can get him to bite. The best way to get two people to reveal a secret, get ‘em to turn on each other.

- - - - -

Sophie: You should look out for the signs congressman. Missed phone calls, no more little favors.

Jenkins: Those are the same signs that your wife is cheating on you.

Sophie: That’s right.

Jenkins: What am I supposed to do when that happens?

Sophie (hands him her card): Play the field

- - - - -

Hardison: Congressman Jenkins is very careful. No direct bribes but he’s renovating his house and so far he’s received over $600,000 worth of work for a little over fifty grand.

(Hardison brings up pictures of Jenkins’ house on the screens)

Eliot: Castleman owns the contracting company, huh?

Hardison: I mean, he’s going through like three shell companies but yeah. And this man loves his house. Just check out his web browsing habits.

(Hardison changes the image to a website for wood panels)

Hardison: Look here, see the man spent three weeks picking out the perfect mahogany wood panels. This site is like wood porn.

Eliot: Is his house finished?

Hardison: Not even close.

Eliot: Can I borrow your phone?

Hardison takes out his phone, dials for Eliot and hands it to him.

Eliot (on phone): Hello? Yes, I’d like to cancel delivery on some mahogany wood paneling. Please.

(Hardison tries to help, Eliot walks away)

Eliot: The Jenkins house. Yeah, you know what, do me a favor man, just go ahead and cancel the whole order. Yes sir.

(Eliot leaves the room as Nate enters with a bowl of popcorn and two beers)

Nate: What’s he doing?

Hardison: Yanking the congressman’s chain

I love chaotic (pre)boyfriends

plus at one point it high hey looked like they were holding hands

and eliot’s SMILE at hardison ,,, you soft man, you never stood a chance

- - - - -

Hardison: A woo--whoa, whoa! A wood-- a wooden box?

Nate: A wooden box.

Hardison: Wood? Well, we can put a man on the moon but all our laws go into a wooden box.

- - - - -

Hardison: I mean, break a law, everybody’s done that, my mama’s done that but steal a law. Oh, she’s gonna be a legend baby.

(on screen, C-SPAN news shows the Senate floor where Parker is walking to “The Hopper”. She waves at the camera and puts the fake bill into box.

Parker: The eagle has landed.

Nate: It’s in!

Hardison: Uhn! Go ahead girl! Sexyness! Unh. Rrrnnn.

Nate: Might want to ease up on that a little bit.

Hardison: Just saying.

Nate: Yeah.

Hardison: Between me and you. Between me and you.

Nate: Never leaves the room.

adorable “the eagle has landed” parker + already-gone-for-her hardison ,,, I love it here

- - - - -

(also, again I am reminded that there is a 250 text block limit so imma have to make a part two and apparently this is my life now)

[divinefeline28]

What did spottedleaf do? I havent read the books in a long time. Does she give bad ghost advice?

i am so glad you asked. here’s the essay i wrote earlier today in discord. i’m not typing it out again or more legibly because it made me really angry to write kdfjghd

me: so why do i hate spottedleaf? i am literally ignoring the 4 minutes she spent alive bc she didnt do anything. anyway after she dies she keeps shoving her nose in firehearts dreams, giving him prophecies, trying to help him and whatnot but every single time her advice was vague and unhelpful and just added to his anxiety and stress because he didnt understand and kept misinterpreting. not only that this kept dragging along his "feelings" for her by doing this, and to me it felt like he wanted to listen to her and believe she was trying to help him just bc he liked her (which is more personal interpretation than canon but its my essay.) so then he becomes leader and figures his shit out ig idk and then he has leafpaw and shes trying to figure out medicine cat stuff and at first its honestly all fine! shes helping her out and teaching her to be a better med cat. until leafpool falls in love with crowfeather, and leafpool begs her god for help on what she should do, emotionally vulnerable, and spottedleaf rolls up and says "follow your heart leafpool uwu" and leafpool listens to her because shes literally her ancestor?? supposed to know best for her? and ig this is also personal interpretation but i think she wouldve been much more hesitant to go if spottedleaf said no and that she should be with her clan like she shouldve been. this is also feels like spottedleaf wanted to live vicariously though her but WHATEVER. and then its STILL not enough so she's all up in jaypaws business, and she drags him through basically the same song and dance! she has power over him, shes a starclan cat and supposed to be trustworthy, and she saved him from the dark forest so he trusts her. and then she tells him to give up his dreams of being a warrior and that he had to be a medicine cat because... she said so. and irrelevant of how u feel about jayfeather FUCK THAT MANIPULATIVE SHIT

from MY perspective, she constantly uses her inherent trustworthiness as a starclan cat and former medicine cat to meddle in cats lives that DID NOT need meddling. i dont want to come out and say she was intentionally being malicious but moreso she... idk, like i said wanted to fucking live vicariously through leafpool or something. and genuinely what reason did she have for forcing jaypaw to become a medicine cat? i rly dont see what she got out of it, she just wanted to keep having a part to play in firestar's kins’ lives. i guess. idfk

friend: Tbh if you explain Spotted in the shortest terms you get a condensed version of why shes a weirdo "Dead woman loves man so much she stalks him, his daughter and his grandson, more at 11"

me: WAIT I FORGOT bc THEN shes in the dark forest battle and sacrificed her afterlife to save sandstorm from mapleshade. which is arguably the best thing she ever did but after fucking over firestar and his kins lives consistently it feels just. performative. like she wanted him to remember her as a good person who cared about his happiness when there is nothing in canon to imply that she actually did besides words

[chibimyumi]

That Demon, Seducer

Dear @gisellehexen89,

First of all, thank you for your kind words and interesting ask!

Indeed, the musical version of this scene is quite different from its 2D counterparts for several reasons. The shortest comparison I can make is that the musical version is, as you say, more unsettling, whereas the 2D counterparts are creepier.

But! I think nobody ever sends me asks because they think I’m good at short answers (if you did, I hope y’all learned by now that I just am not XD), so here comes another loooong post to live up to my notorious reputation!

This post will be a three-parter:

Manga and Anime

Musical - Noah’s Ark Circus 2.1. Step 1. Listening 2.2. Step 2. Connecting 2.3. Step 3. Advance

Conclusion

1. Manga and Anime

In order to understand the difference, let us first look at the manga and anime before we compare it to the musical.

In chapter 28 Beast is very upset. Sebas sneaks up on her, and the first thing he does is touch her scarf. Beast is understandably enraged at Sebastian’s assumptions of her feelings despite not even having had a proper conversation yet. “What do you understand!?” she challenges, and Sebas makes a countermove: “nothing, yet,” basically announcing that he is going to pry Beast open.

When Beast fights back, the demon immediately grabs her by the wrist and arm, pulling her closer.

Sebas gives her no time at all to consent, and already puts a hand to her belly, moving upwards presumably past her breasts before grabbing her by the most vulnerable part of any animal, the throat. Hereby, Sebas has demonstrated to Beast how the power-balance is entirely on his side, leaving her entirely at his mercy.

Sebas’ anime counterpart takes it even further. We see how Beast tries to run in episode 6, but Sebastian uses the fence to his advantage, blocking Beast’s body between the metal and his own body.

Beast attempts to fight Sebas off, and just like in the manga, Sebas yanks her arm to stop her escape. Anime!Beast offers more resistance than in the manga, and Anime!Sebas also responds with greater aggression. Here we see him not only grab her arm, but also seemingly pulling it behind her body, almost like how a police officer arrests a suspect.

The camera starts low and tilts upward in a suggestive metaphor of ‘moving up her skirt’. Sebastian’s hand does more than just holding Beast in place, he is touching up on her.

More explicitly thanks to the animation, we also see how Sebas is caressing Beast’s skin while she wears an expression of terror on her face. Just like in the original, Anime!Sebas also dramatically banks the power balance to his side.

Touching Beast’s scarf may not seem much of a deal on surface level, but this scarf was wrapped around her by Joker. And judging from how Beast immediately pressed her face into it, the scarf symbolises some type of comfort to her.

By touching that scarf unsolicited, Sebas was making an uncalled move on Beast’s last comfort.

In the manga, this assault on Beast’s metaphorical comfort was taken to yet higher levels by showing us how the scarf drops to the ground. Here, Beast’s comfort was metaphorically undone, literally leaving her exposed to Sebastian’s advances.

2. Musical - Noah’s Ark Circus

Now we have studied Sebastian’s advances in the manga and anime, it is time to move on to the musical.

First of all, the setup of this scene is incredibly different and therefore also calls for different approaches from the performers. This scene in the musical can be split into three parts.

Step 1. Listening

In the manga and anime it is mostly Sebas who does the talking, making advance after advance. In the musical however, most lines were given to Beast, while Sebas is the listener and only speaks in response.

In my opinion, this choice is by far the most clever change, because Beast would naturally not be interested in Sebastian’s rambles; all she wanted was to be heard. Sebastian’s goal in turn, was also to win trust and information from Beast.

I very much doubt anyone would open up to someone who imposes himself onto them the way anime and manga Sebas did. Had the target been someone who’s already horny beyond reason, seeing such an attractive seducer MIGHT have been enough, but that was not Beast’s situation. She was already emotionally vulnerable, and therefore I suspect what manga and anime Sebas did would only cause someone to shut close even further.

In the musical version, Beast starts her emotional pour-out, stating: “no one could ever understand my pain.” Yunbastian’s lines differ from the manga: instead of shutting Beast down with the line “I don’t understand anything, yet,” he actually accepts the woman’s words, and simply replies: “shall I wipe away your tears?” in the softest, cooing voice ever leaving his lips.

Beast does not humour Sebastian’s offer with a reply, and instead continues to pour out her frustrations and pain. Sebas continues to listen silently until Beast says that she’ll “only get hurt,” to which he replies: “I shall help you forget.”

In stark contrast with his manga and anime counterparts, the first time Sebastian touches Beast, it was in a gentle, assuring manner, only touching her shoulder as a sign of support.

Step 2. Connecting

Beast’s singing becomes more frantic, and she turns to face Sebastian. As it turns out, Sebastian had been listening so well that the moment she faces him, she hears him say the very words that she had been building up to: “a one time liberation.” There. The ‘understanding’ she previously believed the man incapable of giving. Their minds connected.

Yunbastian backs away to give her space, indicating that all he does is make the offer, but that Beast is the one who has the say in whether she grabs this ‘liberation’.

Now that Beast knows that she is being respected, she literally and figuratively moves towards Sebastian.

Even with full confidence that his prey is now in his hands, Yunbastian still does not touch Beast’s body, fully respecting her autonomy. Yunbastian merely follows Beast’s steps, never interrupting her. This was a very important action, because Sebastian needed Beast to feel like she can talk to him; “talking to him”, after all, was exactly what he wanted her to do.

Here ⇊ is a zoomed-in, slow-motion capture of this ⇈ moment where Yunbastian shows the audience how he knows he’s been successful in luring in his prey. His eyes communicate very clearly his inner thoughts: “hook, line, and sinker.”

Beast and Sebastian’s dance duet begins, and we see Beast being the one to make the first move while Sebastian follows. This too is a very important nuance, because by following Beast instead of making her comply with him, Sebas shows her that SHE is the one who matters here, that SHE is the protagonist of their story.

Step 3. Advance

For the first time Yunbastian makes his advance. Here he also follows Beast in her movements. He does not take Beast, but gently guides her hand into his.

Once Beast grabs hold of Yunbastian’s hand, the music plays up and they engage in a synchronised dance. Still here, Yunbastian only touches the hand and arm Beast had given him herself.

Then suddenly, Beast seems to think better of it, and attempts to walk away. Alas, it is too late, Sebastian’s already got her.

Unlike in the manga or anime, this is the first time Yunbastian touches Beast’s scarf - her symbolic comfort. He does not try to undo the scarf or pry away the fabric to touch her skin however. His hand is firmly pressed onto her throat, but the hand that is in Beast’s vision tells a different - albeit misleading - story.

Where the 2D Sebastians tighten their grip over their prey, Yunbastian loosens his. The effect however, is the opposite. It is like Beast is entranced by the demon, and can’t help but walk straight into the trap despite being fully aware that it is one.

It is like it had sunken into Beast’s mind what Sebastian is after only now. The moment the man moves, Beast grabs for the hem of her coat, pulling it down in an attempt to protect herself.

Now Yunbastian loosens his grip in his other hand which held her throat as well. It is only now that Beast relaxes and let’s go of the hem.

Yunbastian guides both Beast’s hands into his own, and pays immaculate attention to their height difference. He bends down and holds the woman’s gaze from below her. When he made sure that she would not resist, he made his final move.

“Skilfully, sweetly, silently...”

These were the keywords to Sebastian’s tactics, and it is indeed exactly what Yunbastian had done.

This part of the song is the reprise of the demon’s theme at the very beginning of the musical, ‘contract’. We see a man making a romantic advance on a woman, taking all steps to respect the her autonomy. But in the end all these respectful actions were but a means to an end.

This reprise should be understood as non-diegetic: obviously Yunbastian was not actually loudly betraying his manipulation tactics to his prey. He was singing the audience. Therefore he had dropped the angelic high tone he used to coax Beast and returned to his usual low voice. By giving **these lines to Sebastian and have him sing this in reprise of ‘contract’, it is like he is warning all of us against the pretenses of kindness.

Beast finally lets her guard down entirely. Sebas turns to the audience, grimacing “just as planned” so triumphantly, it would make ‘Death Note’s’ Light realise that Sebas is the actual OG here.

**TLN: These lines were originally William’s.

Now is where Yunbastian’s specialty comes in; the skin-crawling demon. Right after showing us Just-As-Planned!Sebas™, he makes a show out of pulling that concerned face before turning back to Beast. He won’t allow her to suspect that he is anything other than concerned for her well-being.

This ⇊ compassionate face is the only face Beast would know Sebastian by. Until she later learns of the truth of course, but then it was already too late...

Before this scene blacks out, we catch a last glimpse of Yunbastian pulling his leg backwards preparing for a descent to his knee. This tells us that he is going to carry through with this respectful and compassionate act, all the way until the end.

3. Conclusion

Now I have made an extensive comparison between the three media types, we can produce the following chart which compares the tactics between the Sebastians.

As I said in the introduction, I personally find the 2D Sebastians ‘creepier’, as he represents aggressive masculinity. The achievement the 2D Sebastians made did not necessarily require a demon’s skill; all it seemed to take was exceptionally good looks. It is beyond my understanding how he would have succeeded in getting Beast to talk (other than using actual demon powers, a.k.a. Yana’s divine decision).

The musical version is much more ‘unsettling’, because Yunbastian employs his experience from studying humans over the course of centuries. He knows the mechanism of ‘fear’ in and out, and is capable of bending this inborn protection mechanism all us humans have TO HIS advantage.

Yunbastian presents the face he wants you to see, masking the monster he is underneath. Instead of using brute force, he uses a far more insidious power. Yunbastian was the aggressor, but in the end, it still looks like it was Beast who talked to him, Beast who gave him her hands, her body, and Beast who chose to trust him.

Please click here for the AWESOME behind the scenes facts of this scene!

I hope this analysis was not disappointing. Thanks for reading this loooooong post until the end (*´▽｀*)ノ

[connorandersons-blog]

To the Library

Rating: Explicit Word count: 3,576 Warnings: explicit content Ship: Markus/Connor AU: Human Chapter 2/5

-----------------------

Markus goes to the library a week later. He hadn't finished with his book, but Carl was. He had eagerly taken the book from Carl's hands, ignoring Carl's pointed looks.

 When he got there he expected Connor to be behind the desk, but he wasn't there. Markus felt his heart sink as he placed the book in the return pile.

 He might as well look around. Maybe he would find something intriguing to read. He took his time walking around, pulling out a few books to read their summaries before putting them back.

 He went to walk around the corner and jumped when he saw Connor sitting in a chair, reading a book. His feet were pulled up, and he had black full-rimmed glasses on. His curly hair fell into his face and wore a soft-looking cable knit black turtleneck.

 He looks simultaneously adorable and sexy as fuck like that. Oh fuck. He's totally fucked. He really hopes Connor is at least a little gay, and single, otherwise he knows he's going to hurt his heart. Apparently, he made some type of noise because Connor glances up from his book.

 "Markus! Did you need any help?" He asks, putting his legs back onto the ground. He had texted Connor but he wasn't sure what was appropriate to send, so he always kept it short.

 Connor grabbed a bookmark and put it in the book, which wow, was Les Misérables and it looked like it was the actual version in French.

 "You're… you were actually reading that?" He asks, walking over. Connor glances at the book, flipping it over in his hands.

"Oh, yeah. I hadn't gotten the time before, but yeah. Amanda, she made sure we were able to learn any language we want. I learned French, German, Spanish, Latin, and Russian. Oh! Also ASL." Holy fuck. He was sure his jaw was on the ground.

This man was smart enough to be literally anything he wanted, and he was here working at a library, reading a book most people didn't even attempt to read.

"That… wow. That's really impressive, Connor." Markus said, sitting down in a chair close to him.

He ducks his head again, and Markus is getting to the point where he wants to keep making him have that reaction. "Amanda taught us early so it was easy, nothing truly impressive."

Markus shakes his head. How could he not see how impressive that was? It didn't matter when he learned, he retained the information even after all these years. "Trust me, it's impressive."

"I… thank you, Markus." He says, looking at him through his lashes. Wow, his eyes were so stunning and now he really wanted to see him on his-nope! Nope, he is not thinking about that. Not in a library.

"Of course, I was wondering, do you have any books you'd recommend reading?" Connor quickly stood up and pulled Markus up too by his hand. He probably didn't even realize he was still holding his (ugh, probably sweaty) hand as he dragged him through the library. Well, dragged isn't the right word as he was doing his best to keep up, but gladly following along.

"Ok, so the first is technically not for adults, but the humor is amazing and generally flies right over kids." He says, pulling down a book- Artemis Fowl- still not letting Markus go. Apparently, he's getting more than one book as Connor leads him around, explaining some as he pulls them out.

Markus laughs as he's pulled and watches as the stack of books grow taller. It isn't actually that many books, but it's incredible how enthusiastic he is.

Once Connor seems to be done he leads them back to where he left his own book. He lets go of Markus to set the stack of books on a table, then picks up his own book. He sits down again, pulling his legs under him. "I know that's a lot, and you don't have to check them all out."

There are seven books in all and Markus is most definitely going to at least attempt to read all of them, even if it meant renewing them.

"No, this is wonderful; I look forward to reading all of them." He glances through all of them before picking up the shortest one. "I hope you don't mind if I read with you."

"No! Of course, feel free. The Artemis Fowl series has always been a favorite of mine." Connor said, flipping open his book. "Oh, I never asked, do you speak any languages other than English?"

Markus flips to the first page of the book, taking in the worn feeling of it. "Not really. I know a few things in French and a few in Latin, but that's just what I learned from Carl."

Connor smiled and nodded. "Du siehst umwerfend aus." Connor said, before quickly looking down at his book.

Oh, he really wanted to know what that meant. "I… that was German, right? What does it mean?"

"Oh, um it means to enjoy your book." Connor's face flushed and he puts his nose back into a book. He has a feeling that's not what he actually said, but he doesn't know any German to dispute it.

"Thank you, I'm sure I will." He starts reading the first page. He has to admit, it's incredibly easy to follow. The humor is dry and makes him crackle. The first time he does it, he glances up and sees Connor staring at him. They both quickly look back to their books.

He gets lost in the book and reads almost half of it before his phone rings. He jumps practically out of his skin. He fumbles for a bit before pulling his phone out. He sighs when he sees it's a message from Carl. He isn't upset that Carl messaged him, but he is that he'll have to leave.

"Ah, I need to get home, well to Carl's." He definitely considered Carl's place home more than anywhere else had been. They both stand and Markus grabs his stack of books.

"I'm not technically working, but I can still check you out," Connor says, taking the books when they get to the desk. He scrunches up his face as he types something into the computer then scans the books. "I gave you the six weeks employees get but don't tell," he fake whispers.

Markus snorts and puts a finger up to his lips. "Your secret is safe with me." He took the books and waved at Connor before leaving.

______________________________________________________________

"Markus!" Connor panted, arching his back. Markus reached out and covered Connor's mouth with his hand.

"Shh, you gotta be quiet baby, or we'll be caught." He whispered but didn't let up at all. He set a steady, but quick pace with his hips, matching the same with his hand stroking Connor's length.

They were in the back part of the library, where they hopefully wouldn't get caught. Connor was wearing the same thing from when he gave him all those books, but his glasses were skewed and his hair was completely tousled. He looked fucking amazing like this.

Connor whined into his hand, pushing back into him. He wanted to hear him so badly, but maybe once they were alone.

The sound of skin hitting skin was obscene in such a quiet place. He could smell the old books, but he couldn't focus on anything but Connor.

He leaned forward and kissed the back of Connor's neck, nipping at the sensitive skin. He wanted to absolutely wreck him; he wanted him to not be able to walk straight for a week.

"Connor, you're so beautiful. So beautiful, and all for me." He mumbled. Connor's eyes watered from so much stimulation. He could feel how close they both were. So, so fucking close.

Markus jerked awake, sitting up. His eyes were wide as he looked around his dark room, panting. He groaned and flopped back onto his bed. This wasn't the first time he had that particular dream, but each time ended the same.

He reached down and didn't bother opening his eyes as he stroked himself. He wouldn't be able to go back to sleep until he came so it was better to get it over with.

He imagined Connor on his knees, looking up at him with those stunning brown eyes. "Fuck," he groaned, spilling into his hand.

Markus was supposed to go to the library today to bring back Carl's book, but this would make it so much harder (no pun intended). He didn't know how he could face Connor after thinking about him like that.

He rolls over and digs through his drawers finding his wipes. He cleans himself up, and checks his phone, squinting when the brightness is too high.

To Connor: 

I'll be there tomorrow

     [Read, 9:19 pm] 

                                                                                                        To Markus:

                                                                                                     I can't wait! ☺️

                                                                                                 [Read, 9:20 pm]

 Ugh, how could he be so cute? Even his typing was cute! It was completely unfair. What had he done to deserve this kind of torture?

He had a feeling he was at least somewhat gay, especially since Carl seemed to be trying to get them together. He probably knew more about Connor than Markus did, though he wouldn't tell him.

He checked the time and groaned again, dropping his phone on his chest. It was way too early to get up, but he doubted he'd be able to sleep again. He should at least try, though.

Before he knows it his alarm is going off and he honestly feels like crying. He hadn't gotten any more sleep, and he couldn't stop thinking about Connor.

He slowly sat up and got ready for the day. He lived with Carl so it wasn't like he had to drive to work, so he got more time in bed than he would have otherwise.

He gave Carl his medicine and breakfast before the man waved him off. Markus huffed and grabbed the book before taking the bus to the library.

It was a much warmer day than it had been in a while, and Markus basked in the sunlight. He loved raining days but there was something so comforting about the sun coming out after days of rain. It was like he could feel how alive the world was, and it just made him livelier.

He walks in and before he can even say hello Connor is up and beside him. He's wearing a sweater vest again with a white button-up, but the sleeves are rolled up, and Markus is sure he's dying. He's not wearing his glasses but his hair is mostly pushed back out of his face, except for a few curls that seemed to do whatever they want.

"Markus! How are you?" He asks, smiling widely. Markus leans over and drops the book in the return bin, but feels his heart stop when doing so brings him close to Connor. His mind flashes to the dream and he quickly leans back.

"Not too bad, didn't get much sleep last night, you?" They start their walk around the library. At some point, he'd get the next book Carl wanted, but for now, he just enjoyed Connor's company.

Connor gave a sympathetic hum, "neither did I. Today has been lovely, though. The weather is much better than before. I'm planning on taking Sumo for a walk later."

"Sumo?"

Connor's eyes light up and he bounces more as he walks. Overall he looks even more adorable. "He's Hank's dog. When I was a detective Hank was my partner, and he's basically a father to me now. Amanda never let us have pets, and I really like dogs so I go over to Hank's a lot." Ah, that did sound like Stern. She could be an exceedingly uptight woman from what he's heard.

"Sumo is Saint Bernard! He's basically a giant teddy bear, though he likes to lay completely on me." Connor says, sighing happily.

Markus chuckled and shook his head, imagining a big dog lying on Connor while he was splayed out on the ground. "He sounds adorable." So do you, he wanted to add but bit his tongue.

Connor quickly nods. "He is! I like dogs. Well, all animals honestly. I've got a fish at home, Trichogaster Laliu, or most commonly known, a Dwarf Gourami." Leave it to Connor to know the scientific name for it.

"Carl has parakeets, but I never got to have pets growing up." Well, that wasn't completely true, he did but it never lasted long.

"Oh? Were your parents strict too?" Connor asks, swaying his arms and accidentally brushing against Markus's.

Markus is so tempted to just take his hand but decides against it. He was a very tactile person, so holding hands between friends weren't uncommon for him. However, he didn't know if Connor was open to that.

"Ah, not always? I… I grew up in the foster system. Eleven foster families in all, but I aged out." He remembered the day and how much it hurt, knowing he wasn't wanted. "Carl, he found me and took me in. He paid for my college and now I take care of him." He smiled. He honestly owed his life to Carl.

Connor's eyes go wide. "Oh, I'm sorry. Caelum and I got adopted pretty quickly, but I remember how hard it had been." He wondered if they ever would have met if Connor hadn't been adopted.

Markus shrugs. Sure it had been hard but now he has the life he always dreamed about. He had someone who cared about where he was, or if he ate enough. He had his friends, and now he had a very huge crush on a very adorable man.

"It's fine, I'm happy now. Are you?" He honestly didn't mean to ask something so deep, but it just slipped out.

Connor hummed and thought for a moment. "I think I am. I loved being a detective, but I also love this," he motions around to the library. "Sometimes if Hank can't figure a case out he'll ask me. There's always room for improvement, but that's just life."

He couldn't agree more. To him, the purpose of life was to grow. If you became stagnant then the ability to become happy disappeared.

"I hope this isn't offensive… but from what I've heard about Stern, she doesn't seem the type to think being a librarian is an actual job." She was a strict woman but he knew she always just wanted the best for those she cared about.

Connor chuckles. "Yeah, but I still consult for the dpd and even sometimes the FBI if they need me. At first, she thought this wasn't acceptable at all, but I guess she saw how at peace I am. I get the best of both worlds doing this."

Holy fuck. He worked with the FBI and said it like it was nothing. "How old are you?" Wow, that came out wrong. Thankfully Connor just laughed.

"I'm twenty-five, but technically I'm six." Apparently, Markus's confusion shows on his face. "Leap-year baby."

"Leap-year baby and a twin, what are the odds of that?" He really didn't think Connor would have an answer.

"There's a one in 1,461 chance of having a leap day birthday. The odds of twins are one in 67 times the odds of being born on February 29, which comes out to one in 97,887." His jaw was definitely on the ground.

"Though, because we are identical the odds go up to one in 365,250. So, I am exceedingly rare in that case." Connor shrugged.

"That and you're a genius." Markus points out. Connor blushed and ducks his head. He grins and bumps their shoulders together. Connor's eyes widen and he actually brings a hand up to cover his face. Hm, interesting but also adorable.

"Oh, I was wondering if you have Odes by John Keats. Carl wants to read it." Connor sighs, he's probably glad for the subject change.

He stood for a moment and glances around before nodding to himself. "If we do, it'll be this way." Connor reaches out and gently touches Markus's arm, but he doesn't hold onto him like before. He really wished he would.

Connor finds the area and looks around. Oh goodness, they are definitely in the back of the library and it's almost the exact same as his dream.

Connor crouches down, and runs his fingers against the books, squinting at them a bit. He obviously still works out and Markus would very much like to feel those thighs. They practically stretch his pants to their limit and it's driving him insane.

Then, of course, Connor makes it worse. He doesn't know why, but Connor turns to him without standing and looks up at him, smiling softly. He really, really needed him to stand back up soon, or he was going to have a very obvious problem.

Thankfully Connor doesn't stare at him for long (even though it feels like an eternity). He finds the book and stands up in one fluid motion. That did make him wonder, how had he been injured badly enough to have to retire so early? He had stated that he loved being a detective, so it wasn't for want to stop, and he just took the chance.

This time he doesn't hand Markus the book, he just holds onto it. "Do you want to get coffee?" Connor blurts out. "I-I mean, they have a small coffee shop upstairs. We can get some if you want. Or, if you have the time. Sorry." Connor cringed at himself, keeping his eyes trained on the ground.

"Ah, I'd love to, but I should be getting back to Carl. I'll treat you to one another time. Or, well… there's this new Cafe opening, we could go there if you'd like." He's ready to apologize too but Connor quickly glances up and nods.

His grin is so bright it's blinding, but Markus can't seem to look away. "I'd love to! I heard about that but didn't have a reason to go."

"How about," he paused, mentally going over his schedule, "Thursday at two? We can do it earlier if you want."

By then they were at the desk again and Connor scanned the book. "Two works, it's a date!" He smiled handing him the book and card back.

Markus fumbled but tried to play it off with a chuckle. He probably didn't mean it like that, but fuck he hoped he did.

He is almost jogging away, mostly to stop himself from saying something stupid. He considers just walking home but decides to take the bus. He didn't need to have to take another shower today.

He's definitely more calmed down by the time he gets home, but his mind was still racing. Connor definitely hadn't meant it like that. No, he couldn't. It was just coffee. Just two guys, who are friends, getting coffee. Totally nothing else. Nope, nada.

He feeds the parakeets and looks around for Carl. He notices the lights are on in the studio, so he goes there. It wasn't odd for either one of them to spend most of the day there.

Carl is working on the huge painting that he'd been painting for over three weeks now. Even now, it was incredibly striking, unfinished. Carl looked down at him and then back to the painting. Markus stands back, taking it all in. He was always stunned at Carl's work, even when he couldn't quite get it.

The moment Carl could he had given Markus a paintbrush. At first, Markus had just painted the world around him as it was. Carl had taught him to paint what he saw, yes, but what he felt about it.

He definitely wasn't the best, even after all this time, but he still enjoyed painting, especially with Carl. Though, it seemed Carl was already one step ahead of him.

An easel was set up, along with a blank canvas for him. He knew what he wanted to paint before even picking up his pencil to sketch it out.

He loved the sound of the pencil against the canvas, though he often had to take a step back, look it over and fix the problems. Some people could just paint, but Markus preferred to be able to actually see it first before he put any paint on the canvas.

He hadn't even realized Carl had stopped painting until he heard him from behind. "Oh my god."

Markus let his hand drop as he looked at the sketch. It was definitely his best work so far and he hadn't even started painting yet.

It wasn't even that exquisite, definitely not as good as Carl's, but even still. It had so much emotion in it that you could overlook any mistakes.

"I… I probably should have asked him if I could paint him first." Markus mumbles, scratching the back of his neck.

Carl quickly shakes his head, "no, this is amazing." Carl rolls closer eyes wide. Markus can't help but agree. Drawing Connor was the easiest thing he'd ever drawn, and he didn't know why. Well… that wasn't completely true but he wasn't going to think about it.

He was definitely not thinking about that as he picked up a paintbrush, and he wasn't thinking about it as he started to paint. 

[veliseraptor]

I saw somewhere an idea that Loki TV should play with comics and have 2012!Loki jumping to a dimension and meeting his old evil self, so Loki would be both the protagonist and antagonist of his own show. I love the idea but I'm not familiar with comics so I don't know what/how evil Loki got but I think you do? How do you think post-Avenger Loki would react to seeing himself old, bitter and evil (I heard he was madness and destruction)? Self-reflect or laugh "so this is how it is"?

Oh, I really hope they don’t do it. And I say this as someone who is a really big fan of that storyline in comics. I just don’t think it makes as much sense in the MCU, or at least couldn’t be done as well.

The reason that storyline worked as well as it did in the comics is twofold: one is the way that it is a commentary on the nature of superhero comics and how much they resist character development - how much they tend to over time bend a character back into an “original” mode (in Loki’s case, a major Thor antagonist). If you want to read 8000 words about this, it’s here; for brevity’s sake I’ll just quote from my conclusion:

In my notes for this article, I wrote “can people change? Not in comics!” As a rule, that is true. In more recent years classic villains have been allowed to grow more complex and move out of their traditional roles – Magneto and Emma Frost, mentioned above, fit that category, though both have a longer history of sympathetic portrayal than Loki. However, the general rule over the nearly sixty years of Marvel publishing history is that characters fit a certain mold and will return to that mold.

Writing from within those limits, Gillen and Ewing confront them, challenge them, and draw attention to them. Invocations of story and storytelling, the power of writing both literal and figurative, draw attention to the fictional status of the characters, who are, furthermore, aware of the conventions of their genre and acting against – or with – them. Loki in Journey Into Mystery attempts to tear out the captions to stop his nightmare; Loki in Agent of Asgard narrates in mythological, Eddaic mode to capture the essence of the gods. Narrative, and the awareness of narrative, drives them both.

The MCU doesn’t have that same force - while it has its problems with character development, it doesn’t have the same history or weight behind them. 

The second problem, though - and this is actually my bigger problem, because even without that specific thematic resonance you could probably still tell a good story - is that that particular story relies on Loki being in a specific place in his redemption arc. He is, at that point, well on the road to Working On Being a Good Person, and genuinely believing that he’s making progress and doing pretty good at it. That’s what makes the confrontation with his evil alter ego (who is...an interesting figure in his own right, but that interesting part would probably get lost in translation because it is very ~comics!~ in a way I think general audiences would be reluctant to accept*) so potent: it’s Loki thinking he’s doing better, trying to do better, suddenly being faced with his worst fears for himself. 

The Loki TV series is apparently taking Loki from the point in Avengers after he’s been beaten, before going to Asgard. That isn’t a Loki who is in any way interested in trying to be or do better. That is a Loki at his lowest point, angry and bitter and lashing out at the world around him. That Loki, facing another (even nastier) Loki...it’s a very different dynamic, and without so much of that contrast, I don’t think as compelling of one. Because I do think Loki would just be like “yep, that tracks.” And maybe there would be conflict, but it would be much more likely to be the “I want something that you also want” type of conflict than the “holy shit, this isn’t what I want to be, also our desires are fundamentally incompatible with each other” type of conflict.

And that’s just not, at least for me personally, as interesting.

(YMMV, of course. But I tend to think when Loki is confronting himself as his own worst enemy, the more contrast between the two versions, the more potent the conflict and the more interesting the potential.)

Also I just trust Al Ewing and Kieron Gillen about 500x more than I trust anyone at Disney, so there’s that, too.

---

*To give you the shortest possible explanation - it is an alternate timeline Loki who went through his full redemption arc, realized that no one cared he had changed, went full evil but kind of agreeably so to recreate the status quo with Asgard where everything was back to “normal” (evil Loki, hero Thor fighting him), and then jumped timelines to try to bring up the timeline of his going dark, but also possibly to make a better timeline, it’s complicated. Maybe that was accidental, maybe not? 

Again, it’s very ~comics!~ and therefore I don’t think something that Disney would be likely to put in a TV series for general audiences. They’ve done some weird stuff now, but really nothing that weird.

And if they just made it “Loki went evil because reasons” then that kind of loses all the interesting parts of that Loki as a character, imo.

[exit-path]

I just realized something.

Minecraft has been around for a long time. Countless documentaries about Minecraft have been made that show that, including this one which I just watched recently.

But how old is the game compared to me? How long... have I been playing Minecraft?

(don’t read under the cut if you don’t want to know certain personal information about me)

On a seemingly unrelated note (but TRUST ME it’s relevant), the history of Minecraft Pocket Edition Lite is pretty scattered. Sources disagree on when it was first added to the App Store on iOS, but they can agree that it was removed from the App Store on October 13th, 2013.

Now that’s a long time ago, right? I mean, 2013 was, what... seven years ago? Wow, it must be a long time, huh? But here’s the thing.

I distinctly remember playing on PE Lite.

I remember certain specifics of the game. The gravel texture in-game didn’t use the old gravel texture, but the old old gravel texture. Inaccessible blocks were given to you in infinite amounts. There was LAN multiplayer mode, but worlds wouldn’t save. The world size was small, and it had a “world border”, but the border was faulty and you could fly over it in Creative Mode once you went about 256 blocks up.

That’s cool and all, but what does that mean for how long I’ve been playing the game? Well, let’s say I started playing Minecraft PE Lite in 2013, the last year it was up on the App Store. (That’s unlikely, since I probably started playing a year or two earlier, but the same point will be made later regardless.) Well I’ve been playing Minecraft continuously since then. That’s eight years. So I’ve been playing Minecraft for half the time I’ve been alive.

Wow. Really? Really.

No wonder I felt so compelled to do so many things Minecraft-related for much of my life. No wonder I subconsciously decided to turn my only main Tumblr blog into a mineblr. It’s been with me for half the time I’ve been alive. That’s crazy!

When PE Lite shut down, I switched to Pocket Edition. Then, before that changed to Bedrock Edition, I switched again to Java Edition. And I’ve been there ever since. I’ve been here ever since, baby.

The oldest Minecraft video I could find of myself is not on my channel. It’s from August of 2015, and it was where I played a game of Hypixel UHC. Wow. History really repeats itself, doesn’t it?

Back then, Java Edition 1.8 wasn’t the preferred update. It was the only update, the most recent version the game had been updated to.

And in that video, my voice was super high-pitched. I didn’t remember my voice being that high-pitched! Was I really that young?! I remember being the shortest in my class. And this was in 2015. I was ten years old then. Wow.

I’m just in awe at a lot of this. I’m mostly feeling existential dread, yes, but a bunch more of a lot of other things. Minecraft has, quite literally, been in my life for as long as I can remember.

And now, we reach the end of this post. And to you, dear reader, I hope you are not a mutual reading this. I do not mind if you are a lurker, but really, my target audience with this post is one person, and one person only: myself. Are you me? Well if you’re reading this, then the tag has worked.

From now on, I’m tagging every diary entry-like post like this with a readmore with #future-tag. That means that in the future, I should just search up future tag to find all of my posts like this. I hope this works.

Farewell, and godspeed!

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, ART! You’ve been accepted for the role of EDMUND with an approved FC change to Max Irons. Admin Minnie: I knew this was a winner while reading your plots Art, but it was your para sample that really left me speechless. The way you showed us how he had suffered and how he had ached, all that bitterness and resentment and ambition and pride... it was so clear how deep your love for Edmund goes. I am thrilled to see someone with such an intimate, intense grasp on Easton’s soul. Please stay forever, and please ruin us for the rest of your life! Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Art

Age | 19

Preferred Pronouns | He/him

Activity Level | Well here’s the thing about quarantine. I will be spending the next two-three months in a house, all day, every day, with consistent access to a laptop. I also lost my job and because the US economy is a flaming pile of garbagé, I don’t imagine getting another any time soon, especially since all my skills are in food. All this to say, I believe I will be incredibly active, outside of my Skype’d classes and grocery runs and whatnot.

Timezone | MST

How did you find the rp?  | A discord friend DM’d it to me after I went on a rant about Edmund and the layers to his “Thou, Nature, art my Goddess” soliloquy. They know me so well, and acceptances were literally in like six hours from when I got the link, so I sat my butt down, put down my real-world obligations for a moment, and typed this whole thing out like I was writing an unstarted essay due at midnight.

Current/Past RP Accounts | All my old RP writing is from years ago and is, frankly, really really bad. Thank you for making this optional.

IN CHARACTER

Character | Edmund or Easton Craven. I love Daniel Sharman’s wonderful, gorgeous face with my whole heart (hello gay awakening), but I’d like to use Max Irons instead, if at all possible.

What drew you to this character? | So, my love of Easton/Edmund actually began about a year ago, when I cut my hair and started playing around with names and different clothes. I was in a Shakespeare class at my college, and it was a requirement that we perform a monologue. It didn’t need to be Broadway-worthy, we just needed to deliver it, and we could do this as often as we liked. I performed two. One from a play we had read and analyzed, as my professor asked, and I did another. That second one was Edmund’s “Thou, Nature” soliloquy. It was the first time I performed as a guy to an audience that thought I was a guy, not a girl playing dress up. So I have a really strong emotional connection to Edmund, regardless of the form he’s in.

I was really excited by this particular version of him, however, because I thought it played right along the line of a monstrous asshole and charming young man doing what he can to deal with the hand dealt to him. He’s both of those things, to me, and I really enjoyed that you brought that forward. Edmund, from the source, reminds me of Chris Evans’ character from Knives Out, in a way? Completely self-motivated, selfish and cruel, and yet really fun and charming, as long as it isn’t you he’s screwing over at the time. I know he isn’t that character and I’m honestly really glad for it. I just found a similarity there.

I just really like those kinds of characters in fiction, and that, combined with my emotional ties and vague debt to the source character, meant I arrived and started writing as fast as I could.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |

These are all ideas, nothing here is set in stone, and are entirely dependent on the beauty of the other writers free will.

Some Twelve or Fourteen Moonshines Lag of a Brother: From the get-go of this awful experience known as the human existence, Easton has existed just slightly behind Everett, just enough to keep the guy freezing in the shadows. It’s the last name, the mannerisms, and the goddamn eyes that sit in his skull. It is a truth, acknowledged by both me and him, that there is an association to Easton he really wishes wasn’t there. This is why I want someone to look at Easton and see Easton, not a Craven.

Now, I want to pause here, and say that Easton is a lying snake of a man that would and probably will sell out his own family for one corn chip. He is completely self-centered, convinced of his superiority, and willing to bleed the world dry to get the pound of flesh he is owed. I want someone to see this, to realize there is a snake curled around the Capulet’s necks, willing to bite and kill every single one of them if it means he gets to sit comfortably on a throne of gold and bones. Because that is what he wants, he wants the world to pay for every second of misery he endured in his life. But he is charming, slippery in the way only the truly awful can be. He’s accepted the labels thrown at him and become them, which is its own kind of armor. Who doesn’t love a bad boy?

But beyond all that, he is rotten through and through. I’d like his armor to crack and reveal the duplicity underneath, maybe around someone like Maeve or Catherine, someone that might not be believed right away. I love the idea of Easton being the wolf among some very dangerous sheep, but the really, truly awful ones not realizing. This could produce a really fun dance, where the two parties involved both try really really hard to overthrow or remove the other from their position while still trying really hard to maintain a veil of normality.

But that dance is what makes this all so terribly fun. They’re on a rock, doomed to eventually die, and Easton wants his power, but why can’t he play a few games while trying to get it?

I Grow, I Prosper: Easton, poor guy, was brought into the world and then spent the next twenty-six years being told his existence and all the things that came with it were his fault. They weren’t, or at least they weren’t in the way he had been told his entire life. He has learned to move past the label of “bastard” or “illegitimate”, meeting all such claims with the certainty that he must act the part. But does his position fulfill him? Does his current lot in life spark joy? I think not! He is a captain, yes, but so is his brother. He is, at best, on equal footing with his brother and at worst, he is the younger brother desperately following behind Everett as a living shadow yet again. Easton needs to be more than Everett. He’s wanted this his entire life. The whole city needs to look at Easton and see him, not his brother, and then Easton wants to rub it in Everett’s face, lord it over him for the next century at the shortest. That is the general idea behind this plot: Everett surpassing and overcoming his brother. The fact that he’d end up lording over so many others is really just a plus!

This plot would require effort. Loads and LOADS of plotting and communication on my part, and a whole lot of cutthroat, stepping-on-literally-everyone-else-in-Verona from Easton. He is going to have to exploit the hell out of Celeste and the information she can get him, potentially leading to her downfall just so Easton can succeed. He will need Rafaella and Tiberius to trust him almost unconditionally, which, just from what I’ve seen poking around the main, seems pretty much impossible. And of course, he has to successfully and continually one-up Everett, which might be the hardest job of all, given the whole awful tangle of EmotionsTM that Easton has towards him. It’s hard for him to be clear-headed when he wants to tear Everett into little tiny pieces with his bare hands.

But hey, that is, again, the whole point of this plot: the destruction of the legitimate son. Eliminating the sun so the moon can rule 24/7.

My Services are Bound: No matter how ambitious, how desperate Easton is to rule the world, he doesn’t yet. He works for the Capulets and he is a tool used to further the wishes of those above him in this terribly illegal food chain where dog eats dog. No matter how much Easton wishes it was different, it isn’t, at least not at the moment, and he must bide his time until something better happens.

Yes, Easton is a tool, and I want him to be reminded of that. He has the ambition to rule the world, can picture himself with a crown he may never hold, but he is a knight on the chessboard. I want his ego to be checked, I want him to be taken down at the knees and reminded of the situation he is in, who he works for. Now, ideally, this would come from the Capulet family themselves and not a rogue Montague or something.

The Capulet family, in order to win this war they’ve found themselves in, need their tools to be obedient and ready to deploy at a moment’s notice. This is not the case with Easton. He’s a rebellious man, more loyal to himself than any of the lofty ideas the Capulet heads have surrounded themselves with. So the family he serves would need to get Easton back in line, somehow. They’d need to remind him who he is and whom he serves no matter what it took and use whatever tools at their disposal. This could potentially happen after Easton completely blows off a mission he was handed to advance his own agendas, which I think would probably be the best choice as it would probably send these awful shrieking sirens off in the Capulets.

I want this particular plot because Easton is so assured that he will be able to make the world pay and yet he’s just one man against so very many others.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Oh most definitely. As a writer, I am a firm believer in conditional happy endings, probably because I play so many video games. In order to get a happy ending, in order to survive, the character has to do all the right things. The likelihood of Easton doing all the right things is just tiny, absolutely microscopic.  

IN DEPTH

I was going to do both, but I’m running out of time so…

In-Character Para Sample:

There is something beautiful in standing alone, where there are no silent reminders of how Easton arrived in this world, how he stepped into it screaming and no one cared to change that. There were no side-eyes, reminding him of how unwanted he was, how utterly unworthy he was to bear the name “Craven”. No hands hiding giggles at the boy his mother ran from and his father hid away. Here, under the bowed ceiling in the transept of the Capulet’s cathedral, there was only him and God.

“I hope,” Easton began, fingers lightly running across the back of a pew likely not used for praying, “that you know what is coming.” The eyes that proclaim a taint to his family’s name were raised to dance across the ceiling. “If word is to be believed, you, an old man in the sky, a Father,” he spat out, “brought me here. Placed me here upon this Earth to do whatever it is I so wish.” A smile, small and dangerous with heavy promises was birthed on his face, an expression that could not have been more familiar to his muscles. “I suppose that’s all a father has ever done for me. Perhaps,” he mused, lightly tapping his chin as he continued to wander aimlessly among the seats of a flock absent. “Perhaps I should be grateful that both You and him are both so delightfully hands-off.”

“I suppose this rock is where You chose to put all Your bastards, isn’t it? Shoved them away from Your kingdom, making them fight for their place in Your home despite them all being Your children?” The noise that escaped Easton’s mouth was not fit for the place he stood in, but it hardly seemed to matter to him as he collapsed into a pew, feet raised to rest on a Bible, feet that had stood in a man’s blood not hours before. “I suppose that must be how it is, because we’re all made in Your image, aren’t we? And that man had to learn it from somewhere.”

His head fell back, eyes closed to the beauty above him in a silent condemnation for Who it was built for. “You’ve released yet another snake into your garden by making that woman my mother and handing me the Craven name, you know.” The observation was quiet, laced with the bitterness of cyanide, perfected over years of similar declarations. The words were familiar, not on his tongue but rather to his mind, the idea similar to ones he had kept close for years.“I have crawled in the dirt on my stomach for too long because of You, and I shall take a throne and dare You to steal it from me.”

He inhaled, once, a desperate attempt to calm the words he could feel rising like acid in his throat. It didn’t work, though Easton didn’t try very hard. He rarely did when alone. “I am owed this, you miserable old bastard,” he hissed out from behind his teeth, sounding like the snake he had just claimed to be. “I will take everything because this is Your fault, and I will make your precious sheep pay for every inch of Your mistake. It’s mine, I deserve it.” A hand was clenched into a fist in his lap and Easton shifted forward, only to slam it into the wood of the pew ahead of him. “It’s mine.”

He stood suddenly, coat rising around him like smoke rising around a fire, warning the world of the danger just over there. Turning on his heel, he left the cathedral without a look back, without a fear of God. And though there had been no one around, the air hung heavy with a question. Just which father had he been addressing?

Extras: If you have anything else you’d like to include (further headcanons, an inspo tag, a mock blog, etc), feel free to share it here! This is OPTIONAL.

I submitted this through an Easton mock blog! There was going to be stuff there but my laptop crashed and I need to eat dinner!

[restlessfeathers]

Writer’s Block

Time for another episode of “I went to college for fiction writing so you don’t have to.” Today, we’re talking writer’s block and how I combat mine.

The reason why I get writer’s block is usually because there is something about what I have written up to this point that irks me. It irks me senselessly. It irks me in a way that I will not be able to realize until I reread it from top to bottom fifty times.

From these seemingly endless nights of futile revisions, I have been able to figure out a very, very easy way to fix this. I have got to turn the whole thing on its head and figure out what’s wrong. My brain knows how to make stories, and when it senses a plot hole, it tells me to stop writing and look for it. Instead of actively looking for it like it’s a physical hole, the way to find it is by retracing my own steps.

Here’s an example for you folks at home: Go through the whos, whats, wheres and whys. Who is here? “Well, I know that X is going to be here, and he’s helping out Y when Z rushes in to the room and...” Now, what are they doing here? “X and Y are reading the Blah because they’re on the hunt for the Bleh, an ancient artifact from Z’s homeland, but Z doesn’t want them to know because of...” Okay. Now, where is this taking place? “In the Blee-Bloop demention, because X can only exist within realms with the letter ‘e’ in its title. They showed up in Y’s lab so they...” 

So, at this point, there come the various whys you must ask. Start very simply. Why is X there? Why is Z there? Why is Y there? If you know all of that, then take it deeper. Does X need to be there? Why? Does Z need to be there? Why? Does Y need to be there? Why?

After this song and dance, you may think that this has been some long, fruitless effort in questioning your own sanity. Stay with me here, because this is when you can and will fix the problem.

Try, mentally, to take something in or out of the situation. Spin it around. You’re no longer in a situation where X needs to be in this scene. Take X out. Even if X is your main character, even if X is holding the key to everything, take X out. See what happens.

If that doesn’t work, then take out Z. Yes, even Z. That big important character of Z! What will X and Y say without Z there?

Then you may discover something is...off. Something here doesn’t sit right. You’re so close to figuring it out! What’s the actual problem, though?! Your brain is telling you it’s there, but there’s no way to know where it is! What part is it?! It’s maddening! It’s itching to get out, it’s...

Step back. Take a step back. Go to your first version of this WIP and take a look at the scene you failed to finish. Read it once more. Based on everything that you’ve just done, what is the issue?

I’m pretty sure you’ve either totally got it or you don’t. If not, keep flipping things. What would happen if X was in this scene with his mother, of all people? What would happen if Z was talking through this without being contrarian? What would happen if Y realized that Z was a part of that place where the Bleh came from?

It happens like this: your plot hole is not a “plot” hole. It’s a very, very minor inconsistency. If you power through that little irk you started with, it will come back to hit you like a ton of bricks that, oh yeah, Y and X wouldn’t be able to even read the Blah because neither of them speak the language it’s written in. They’d need someone to interpret that for them.

Oh crap. Maybe you’re too far in to change all of that. Maybe this really has just all been for naught. Maybe this means we’re back to 50 pages ago before we even picked up the Blah to find the Bleh. “These people would need an interpreter to even read the Blah, and they went on that whole big mission to find it! What do I do now?!”

Well. You have your solution right in front of you; it’s just that you need to change the story to fix it.

“But...my narrative!” you may say.

“But...m-my tension...!!” you may scream.

Yeah. I know. But there’s something very, very important about storytelling that I will pass on to literally everyone I ever meet so it makes their lives a million times easier when it comes to writing:

Your characters are leading you to where your story needs to go.

Are X and Y angry when they, too, realize they can't even read what’s in the Blah? Maybe character Z needs to face the fact they can’t hide their lineage and admits they can read the book. Maybe this will say something about character Z’s morals if they hide the fact they can’t read it.

In storytelling, your characters are a foil for what you can produce. Maybe this started out as a story about finding some prophesy or saving somebody or fixing what was broken. But now it’s a story about...this.

And yeah, that sucks. “My narrative! My tension! Ruined!”

Not ruined. Just changed. This is probably where it needed to go. Or, at least, according to what you yourself have written, this is absolutely where it needed to go. Without noticing it, you’ve just turned a story about finding a book and some character getting overly dramatic and antsy about their friends finding something out into finding a book and some character actually presenting their morals on the page with how they treat this problem of their friends not being able to read said book while they can.

Okay, enough with the bad examples! The point still stands. Your story leads you where it needs to go. If your characters led you on a mission, they did it for a reason. If the thing that irks you is something as simple as a mistranslation or a color, that’s an easy fix. You just change some words around.

But if the problem is deeper, if the thing that irks you is something you have to go back and rewrite the whole thing because of, then maybe that just means you’re too busy thinking of the bottom line and the conclusion to realize, hey, you need to live in the moment for a bit. The ending comes later. It may even come way later than you expected it to. Right now, the thing that you need to focus on isn’t fixing the problem. It’s finding out where the story you have now is meant to go.

This can be a big problem for fanfiction authors who “mess up” something very fundamental in the source material. This was my issue at one point. When I realized I missed something so big that it tore apart all of my plans, I was devastated. Now, how do you fix something as big as that?

Well, you could be writing an AU without realizing it. Just re-label it. That’s a quick fix. But let’s play this on an even harder level of difficulty. How do you still make it canonical?

“This was my big story! It was going to be great! But since this one thing doesn’t work, it’s ruined!”

It’s not ruined.

“But it’s totally ruined!”

It’s not ruined. Take a step back. What is it that you adored about that piece? Maybe it wasn’t the “story” at all. Maybe it was the character dynamic. Maybe it was the fact you’ve never seen these three characters in the same room before, and writing them, making them bounce off of each others’ attitudes is just sending you sky high. Maybe it’s bringing new life to an old setting by putting it in a different context while keeping it canon.

You can still recycle the content from scripts as flawed as this. Yes, key word is “recycle.” If it’s bad enough, you won’t be able to keep it. But please don’t throw that draft in the bin just yet! Please! Just wait!

“But it’s tooootally ruined!!!”

It’s not totally ruined! Stop saying that! You can and absolutely should reuse things from those drafts to create the story that you come up with from realizing this huge mistake. So what if it’s 200 pages long and it wouldn’t exist because you got the date wrong all the way back in chapter one? Is there any reason you shouldn’t keep it? You’ll probably be able to reuse that scene between your characters entering that one cool place in your next draft.

And trust me. There will always be a next draft. “The end is never the end is never the end is never the end,” and all that. Even if this draft was perfect and you released it and the reviews were great and everybody loved it and it was fantastic, there was going to be another draft afterwards anyways.

This is all coming from my own experiences and my own way of solving this problem. The reason I made this post, actually, was so when I do get writer’s block, I can come back and figure out how to fix it. 

Please don’t lament over lost drafts. We are all always learning, and everything you write, from the shortest of sentences to the longest of tangents is a means of trial and error. Some of it works. Most of it doesn’t. But you will get through it, and you will learn from the mistakes you’ve made. Just take a look at the cutting room floor. You may find your next big inspiration in those loose pages.

[calleo-bricriu]

Sometimes I start to think I might read a little too much.

So, I found this particular Muggle author in one of those, "It looked weird on the shelf and why not?" sort of ways that I often find books in Muggle shops.

Did a little bit of digging in to the author, William Lee Howard; apparently he was a fairly widely disrespected doctor that most other doctors viewed as a joke but that people who were not doctors thought was somehow brilliant.

Off to a good start.

The majority of the guy's books have to do with--not so much medical things but more, "Why everything is your wife's fault, trust me, I'm a doctor,” and by occasionally shouting in text about how he’s not a quack.

There were also two aimed at teenagers and I found a few chapter names completely self aware in one of them:

"Self-Abuse--How to Stop it--The Quacks" - Written as though he wasn't one.

"Environments and Diseases Which Rust Brain-Tools" - I'm going to start using Brain-Tools, I don't care that it's ridiculous. I like it because it's ridiculous.

Anyway, onto the book I'm mostly through.

It's the only one he published that wasn't--well, probably wasn't--intended to be some kind of medical book and it's the first one he had published.

No, it’s a story. A rambling, poorly written story.

The Perverts, 1901.

It's a bit difficult to read, not because it's as shocking as claimed but, because this guy just...rambles in a horribly disjointed manner that makes it difficult to follow what the hell is going on in his little story.

But, fine, I've read worse, just needs more focus; about halfway through, I stopped because it struck me that I've read this before.

Not this book specifically, the story, the entire plot, only the version I've read, while still written by a prose-y, rambling whackjob, was coherent and had much better flow to it.

Also, you could pretty easily follow the plot, as flimsy as it was.

In fairness, that one also probably could have been accurately titled The Perverts but there's always been a lot of unnecessary filler and prose in de Sade's writing (and he was at least self aware to the point that the last page of one of them essentially invites you to throw the book into the fire if you found reading it unenjoyable; tempting, but it's a heavy book and makes a good paperweight).

This man clearly read Justine (or The Misfortunes of Virtue) at some point; some similarities between bizarre things like that are bound to happen, pun intended given the topic, but this? This was very close to being the exact same book, just with renamed characters and a different time period setting.

de Sade wrote his in two weeks while in prison (and it shows) and this idiot somehow made it worse in terms of readability.

Oh, and the dedication? "To the memory of Edgar Allan Poe as a tribute to his genius, and in recognition of his struggles with a psychic incubus."

Okay.

I'm most amused by the fact that his last book was a book on "how to live long" and he died before he was 60. Must not be very good advice in that book.

And then I started skimming his other books and this has got to be one of the most unintentionally funny things I've read in awhile, "It has been my fortune――for so I consider it――to have been brought into intimate relations with men who are failures."

Good way to start.

"Many of these despondent and useless men have been guided into places where they fit." He's stopped using his brain-tools and it's not even chapter 8, which is where he talks about not letting your brain-tools get rusty.

(( Just a warning, there’s a short excerpt from the book that has some very literally, direct, and violent homophobia in there. ))

"teachers forced much useful and also useless stuff into unwilling brain cells" - I'm not entirely sure a man who blatantly ripped off one of de Sade's shortest works should be speaking poorly of teachers.

"How frequently have I heard the remark, after explaining to a young man who came to me a complete failure: “Why didn’t my father see all this?”" - You know, at this point, I'm almost certain that the only patients he'd ever seen were ones he made up or, more likely, ripped off from other case files and just changed the names.

"THE OUTSIDE LUNGS――THE SKIN" ...no.

He seems to think the skin does the same thing as the liver? What in the hell kind of medical school did this man attend?

"If a healthy boy should have his body――up to his neck――wrapped in tin foil, or any similar substance which would completely close the pores of the skin, he would soon have headache. This would become very severe, followed by loss of consciousness and finally convulsions――fits followed by death. Now this would occur even if he were in the open air. You can see by this fact that the lungs cannot alone cast off the poisons in the body" - First, weirdly specific scenario. Second, what he's describing is heat stroke not poisoning.

If people were listening to ridiculousness like this and taking it as valid health advice, no wonder so many died before they hit 30. I just went through an entire chapter of this idiot explaining how the skin is the body's main detox organ with only passing mention to things like, you know, your liver and kidneys, and that everything is caused by your dumb ass poisoning yourself by not bathing three times a day, constantly drinking water, then "exercising violently".

"Now it may sound funny to you, but the truth is, that if the boys in the past had really known as much as the chipmunks, we should have very few asylums for the insane or hospitals for the horrible diseases." - At this point I'm starting to wonder if I'm actually reading this or if I'm hallucinating it.

"About fourteen years of age you may feel a gradual soreness in the nipples. This will increase and sometimes be a little annoying. Now don’t become frightened and try to recall some blow you have received there." - This feels like a very, very specific panic that I'm pretty sure only happened to the author.

"Of course the HABIT of self-abuse means ruin to both brain and body. It is degrading to your true self, causes a loss of self-respect and makes a coward of every boy and man." - I get the feeling, by this point, that everything this person writes is just projecting.

"[...] bubbling spring of manly life." No.

"So never sleep with a man, except your father." - How is that less weird?

And we go from, go ahead and sleep with your dad to, "If you should be so situated that you find yourself in bed with a man, keep awake with your eyes on something you can hit him with. At the slightest word or act out of the way, HIT him; hit him so hard that he will carry the scar for life."

Just sleep on the floor if you're that damn paranoid.

"Keep your goat by and in you always." ...what? There are no circumstances whatsoever that would result in me wanting any part of a goat in me.

"CHAPTER VIII ENVIRONMENTS AND DISEASES WHICH RUST BRAIN-TOOLS" - I'm definitely stealing brain-tools. Based on everything else, I'm pretty sure mine are considered rusty somehow.

I don't think I'd take advice about brain-tools from someone who spent entire paragraphs talking about how he thinks people who live in far Northern climates hibernate.

What else have we got here? Dance hall women will ruin your life, you might be a man but you'll be a MAN in big letters if you go into the navy somehow, the navy should be bigger so it can consume more lower case men--I guess that makes sense as this was written in 1911.

"Don’t think that you know more than your mother about what is best for you. You don’t." - Wow, okay.

"I saw the girl, or rather woman, when she was twenty-four years of age, and recognized her by the peculiar conformation of her face. It was the face of a girl giggler. Her facial muscles had become so developed by her uncontrolled girlish habit that nothing could be done for her. " - What on earth is the "face of a giggler"?

"Don’t kiss anyone but your mother and father." - ???

"Don’t use arsenic in any form for your complexion or to give your face a plump appearance. Some of you will tell me of a girl you know who has a nice plump face from the use of arsenic wafers." - Maybe don't eat rat poison. Eating rat poison seems like a bad idea just in general.

Apart from don't giggle, don't kiss anyone, and don't take arsenic what is wrong with you? The entire book aimed at women seems to be a lot of, "For the love of everything don't touch ANYTHING without wearing gloves and also maybe burn your gloves every night and just use new ones the next day, the world is made of filth and full of diseased people. Try to stay outside in the sun without touching anything instead."

Interesting to read in the context of not having vaccinations available for all of the diseases mentioned; I don't know why it bothers me to see tuberculosis written as consumption though but I DO know why it bothers me that this idiot keeps saying sunlight will cure all of those diseases.

It really won't, you'll just die in a brightly lit room instead of a dark one.

"Don’t try to keep awake either by mental effort or that injurious resort of drinking coffee." - Well, I've been failing at that since I was about 15.

"Sleep always alone. Sleeping with another person is unsanitary." - ...uh huh.

"The hair should be washed frequently in water with a little powdered borax, but remember you wash the hair only to clean the scalp, nothing should be applied to the hair directly."  - Borax is corrosive, and how in the hell do you clean your scalp without also getting something on your hair, you can't just remove your hair and put it back later.

"Cold baths will keep your flesh firm and hard; will take off fat if you are too fat, and put on flesh if you are too lean." - Cold baths just sound unpleasant. There was also this whole section where he talked about how women specifically sweat fat out through their hands. I don’t have much for formal medical training but I’m confident that that’s not a thing that happens.

Speaking of, I particularly like that, in the book aimed at women, he's very adamant about daily bathing and in the book aimed at men it's more, "Eh, once per week is probably fine."

"EAT PICKLES AND CANDY IF YOU CRAVE THEM." - Unnecessarily aggressive sounding there, "Doctor". All I can picture is this quack screaming that in someone's face.

I guess it's kind of good to know that I have more extensive and accurate medical knowledge than someone who somehow got through school and earned the title of Doctor.

Oh, and I'm most amused by the fact that his last book was a book on "how to live long" and he died before he was 60. Must not be very good advice in that book.

Kind of want to read that one next.

[sailor-cresselia]

Zi-O 34: *Insert Cake Boss Joke Here*

Blah, blah, insert apology for delay here, add in comments about how I’m totally going to watch the two Rider Time trilogies soon, off hand mention of HeiGen Forever’s raw being out, etc etc.

On to the liveblog. I’ve been at this for a long while now, there were. Distractions. (I swear, I really am working on my fics, guys. That was one of the distractions! I promise!)

Todoroki accuses Kyosuke of not only forgetting the Oni code, but of being too soft to take the Hibiki title. Interesting.

Woz’s intense need to Recap is enough to draw him out of a BSOD induced ‘nap’. That’s dedication to his part right there.

Aw, Junichiro’s not entirely certain what’s going on this time around, and looks like he’s kind of intimidated by Kyosuke’s over-the-top stoicism. ...Relatable.

Geiz rightfully calls Kyosuke out on making them go through the training while lying about being Hibiki, and is, of course, shot down by Stubborn McNotHibiki.

Said stubborn git also refuses to answer Sougo’s incredibly justified question as to whether he was the ‘Hibiki’ who trained Tsutomu, so… Sougo asks if Geiz will stay at the shop, while he and Tsukuyomi go to talk to Todoroki.

Poor Woz. Still coming off of his Blue Screen, he gets dragged off with them. While still in a fifty-percent bluescreen state.

“I… don’t remember how to rejoice…? Me…?” ‘Clearly,’ he has no purpose outside of his Proclamations.

Actually… Sougo’s been telling Woz off about the speeches lately, since he keeps trying to do them whenever they go into Trinity. That keeps throwing off the fights, and is driving both Geiz and Sougo up a wall. Maybe he really is losing his old touch.

Hm. So, yeah, Hibiki is, as said earlier, a title, much like being a True Kamen Rider is. It’s downright offensive of Kyosuke to call himself that, when he apparently dropped out as the former Hibiki’s apprentice. To say nothing of taking on an apprentice not only under false pretenses, but while clearly not ready to do so.

This also raises the question of what happened to the former Hibiki, but I don’t exactly think we’ll get that answered.

And Todoroki doesn’t have an apprentice, doesn’t think he’s ready to be a mentor. This, with him having been Todoroki for… hang on, pulling up the wiki because I forgot the year… since 2005, so for around 14 years now. And, as an aside, he didn’t study under ‘the previous Todoroki.’ He studied under Zanki, and said that he… if I remember hearing correctly, that he didn’t feel worthy of his master’s title. So, that’s interesting.

(As an aside, I recently started watching Decade, and just got through the Blade Arc. So it was a bit of a treat when I got to go “Hey! I know that guy!” when Narutaki summoned the AR Todoroki.)

Also… Sougo being all “you dont think your ready for an apprentice, but why not practice for a day? You’re seeing it as a personal weakness, and I have a Loyal Retainer here who’s having some sort of crisis of faith. Maybe you can help each other work through those! :)”

I pout in your general direction, Kyosuke. How dare you insult Junichiro’s cooking! And us having just met Agito, too! So it’s not even a good Distraction Technique, it’s just rude. Besides…

Kyosuke’s more than salty enough to make up for any imagined deficit.

>:3

Geiz left the yearbook out on the table, to get Kysouke to look at it. Geiz is having exactly none of your shit, Kyosuke, you betrayed a small child.

The ‘reading’ fading as he shuts the book is a nice touch.

Geiz: >:( where are you going?

Kyosuke: none of your business >:\

Junichiro: I found the salt! :) … oh. Now everyone’s taken off again… :(

Tsukuyomi: I don’t think leaving Woz to his own devices is a good idea right now. :\ Or inflicting him on anyone else.

Sougo: It’s fine. :)

Ooooh, I really like this fight so far. Kyosuke’s trying to be the one to snap Tsutomu out of his Another Hibiki Rage, but. You know. Can’t thwart stage one, and all. Dude’s not Hibiki, and you need the Specific Riders Power to win. Unless you have something like Zi-O II on hand.

Sougo goes straight into Zi-O II, since, well, it looks like they aren’t getting the correct RideWatch today, after all. I don’t think we’ve seen Zi-O II in a running transformation before now, either, he’s usually stationary.

Yeah, Kyosuke, Tsutomu and Sougo were friends. Why did you think he knew his name back at the shop?

I like the slight reverb effect whenever Sougo’s sword lands a blow, it’s really neat. I think it’s meshing the Cool Techno Music from this transformation with the Drum Aesthetic of Hibiki. It’s neat.

And that’s only added to when Kyosuke catches the finishing attack with his hands. Like. WOW that’s actually REALLY badass, man, I am impressed by that. There’s a sort of… skipping noise? Like a note interrupting itself over and over? I don’t know how to describe it… kind of like a really fast stuck record, but electronic.

But also…. Do Not Block Finishing Moves. That is how people DIE.

See? Now you’re down, and Another Hibiki’s run off. Good going.

:sigh: Sougo, he intentionally took that finisher. Like an idiot. A well meaning one, because he obviously wants to keep Sougo and Geiz from attacking Tsutomu, but still not a good idea. And then he’s an asshole. “No, obviously I’m not okay.”

Sougo, you don’t need to apologize. He’s the one who ran in there.

Kyosuke: “I don’t want your help. Buzz off. I’m the only Kamen Rider Oni we need around here. >:|”

None of the trio is impressed with you, dude.

AHAHAHA Todoroki has Woz doing laundry. (Nice reaction there, bud. I mean, I kind of agree, but way to keep your cool. We totally think you’re a stoic, noble, retainer for your overlord. Yup. That sure is what we’re thinking about you this arc.)

Woz, I get that physical labor isn’t usually your thing, and I get where you’re coming from, but if you’d just told Sougo even a little of what the problem is, you wouldn’t have landed yourself in this situation.

Also, you’re way overthinking the whole birthday thing. You’re not Kogami. Don’t try to be Kogami. Trust me. Do not try to be the cake boss.

And Todoroki’s right – just being with someone is often enough. (I mean, he probably just broke the hearts of any parents who watched Hibiki, but that’s just how it goes.)

After all.

What has Sougo wanted for years, possibly even more than being a king?

He’s wanted friends.

KYOSUKE. You can’t even go sulk properly? At least go further than one building length away.

Anyway, Sougo has to be direct with you. You’ve dodged literally every question that anyone’s asked today. Cut it out.

~ahahaha yes~ Over Quartzer’s acoustic version kicks in for Kyosuke waxing nostalgic about Hibiki.

And turns out that Tsutomu used to say the same things about him.

Okay. Okay i’m. i’m actually starting to cry a little, here. Flashback to when Sougo and Tsutomu were in third grade, Tsutomu’s being bullied about wanting to be an Oni. Sougo RUNS up and shouts the bullies down. Literally shouts – practically screams at them to not make fun of peoples dreams.

They wonder why anyone should care what the new kid thinks, and walk off because they’re bored now.

This means that Sougo’s just transferred in. He’s probably still fresh off of his parents’ deaths. They died less than a month into the school year, so he would have moved in with Junichiro two, maybe three months in, depending on how long he had to stay in the hospital. (probably not nearly as long as Hiryu did.)

Sougo’s brand new here, doesn’t have any friends – won’t have any real friends, knowing what we know of how he turns out – and he jumps to Tsutomu’s defense.

They promptly introduce themselves to each other, their high-reaching dreams included.

(Tiny!Sougo is TINY, especially compared to his classmates. Even the shortest of the bullies is taller than him. He’s so little.)

[At this point, I accidentally paused for over a half hour, because I thought of how to fix a section in chapter three of Press Start to Continue that I was having trouble phrasing. That then led to me patching up several other sections. Why with the small 8 year old protags and the vehicular accidents, Toei…]

Kysouke doesn’t believe that Tsutomu would have called him his hero. He’s none of these amazing things that Hibiki was, he lied about being Hibiki to this small child.

But Tsutomu didn’t know that. He probably found out, and he’s probably pissed at you now, but when he was an elementary schooler… Kyosuke was Hibiki.

Sougo: Work with us. We can save him together. :)

Tsukuyomi: WE FOUND ANOTHER HIBIKI!

Kysouke: … alright. let’s go.

This initial scene in the warehouse is really touching.

Kysouke knows he screwed up, but he couldnt’ help but train Tsumotu – the kid was just so eager to learn.

Training Tsutomu is what made Kyosuke a real Oni. Maybe not Hibiki, not then, but it was… I think that he thinks that was enough, for then. And that is why he’s going to save Tsutomu. He owes him that.

Todoroki listens to all of this from outside the door.

A pink light glows in Kyosuke’s pocket.

(A blogger jumps back to episode 33, to see if they had shown him a blank watch the first time they went to 9-to-5. They had not, they displayed the Zi-O watch. Drat.)

“Master… is this your way of saying I’m ready?”

We have a different passing down of the powers than those before. Whether it’s in Hibiki or in Zi-O.

I still don’t like you, Kyosuke, but. I think this was a really good way to go about this.

Todoroki looks uncertain still. But. He isn’t stepping in. he knew the prior Hibiki. And he said at the top of the episode, that if Kysouke couldn’t take care of the problem, then he would. And now he’s leaving.

Just in time for Woz to stride on in.

Woz: IWAE! A TITLE HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN!

Geiz: (Oh no here we go.)

Sougo: (...is he back to normal now? Or what counts as normal? Even I know he’s weird…)

Woz: I am sorry I was so unprofessional before.

Sougo just nods mutely. (“This is fine.”)

He doesn’t know what your deal has been today, Woz. And at this point, it doesn’t matter. It’s battle time!

Sougo: It’s trinity time!

Woz and Geiz, in unison: WAIT WHAT HOLD ON WE’RE STILL NORMAL SOUGO NO-

AHAHAHA THE TRINITY WATCH DOESN’T CARE IF YOU’RE TRANSFORMED YET OR NOT I’M SO SORRY BOYS

And also apparently it feels wrong to get turned into a wristwatch.

(I tell you, watching Decade now was a great choice. The universal reaction of “WAIT WHAT HOLD ON WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK THERE” is a gift. The Final Form Rides themselves, not so much. But it’s enough that once Tsukasa shows up in ReUnited, Philip and Shotaro are the ones who are going to warn people. “We’re all teaming up to kick his ass, he has it coming so many times over, but Do NOT Turn Your Back On Decade, he can do Weird Shit to you.”)

That aside, Sougo tries to get them into a fighting pose, but Woz’s gotta Woz. He Must Rejoice. It is in the very fiber of his being. He’s not above hijacking the body. And inside they’re just so resigned to it at this point. Sougo’s little pout when they’re lined up oh my god. (Geiz’s arm is trying not to punch Woz’s. I don’t think he can hold back much longer.)

(Let Geiz have the steering wheel at some point, guys! It’s only fair!)

Kyo- Hibiki: Is that really necessary?!

Sougo: …I mean, we’ve tried to talk him out of it, but…

Geiz: (literally shoving Woz’s arm down) F THIS LETS FIGHT!

And this… eh. It’s a fight. I still like the Trinity finisher(s) – I think I noticed before that there’s projections of the three boys right before they attack. But I didn’t catch that it calls out all three of their ‘finisher names’ in sequence, the same way it calls their Rider names. So that’s a neat touch.

And, at the Passing of the Watch, much like with Blade, Chalice, and Agito…

“Are you sure you want to hand this over? It’s your power. You finally get to be Hibiki.”

“It’s fine. I can find my own path.”

...The lighting in this scene is really nice. It’s not a type we see in Zi-O, though. Is this a visual reference to Hibiki the season? I know that cinematography wise, the first half was very different from the rest of Kamen Rider. And since they had the kanji flashing on screen in this and the previous episode, is this another way of calling back? There’s a lot more bloom than we’ve had before, is all.

“Will you train me again?”

“It won’t be easy.”

“Don’t care!”

That’s really nice. All three of them – Sougo, Kyosuke, and Tsutomu – are making their way down their respective paths.

…

All four of them. Todoroki seems to think he might be ready to take on an apprentice of his own.  

But he has to run it by Hinaka first.

TODOROKI. DID YOU GET TO MARRY HER? IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU GOT TO MARRY THE GIRL WHAT HAD A CRUSH ON YOU!

YOU GO HINAKA. WIN THAT DORK OVER.

((Unfortunately, Toei can’t include her beyond a name drop. Miyuki Kanbe, who played Hinaka Tachibana, passed away in 2008. Incidentally, she was the third actress to play Sailor Moon in the stage musicals, which explains why her name looked familiar when I went to the page for Hinaka on the KR Wiki.))

Okay enough of the sappy stuff! Back to 9-to-5!

In the dark.

On Sougo’s birthday.

Which he has made exactly zero mention of himself.

you guys I really don’t think sougo cares about his birthday. I know they aren’t going to bring this up in someone elses tribute episode, but. The bus thing. Literally four days before his ninth birthday. Puts a damper on it. Just as a reminder. Woz whatever you’re planning may be a bad idea.

:sigh: FLASHY SPEECH TIME.

Geiz and Tsukuyomi are just. Used to this. I think they may have helped him write it. Even Geiz has this sort of. Fond resignation to his expression. ...That, or he’s getting a kick out of seeing Woz make a fool of himself. Could be both.

WHO LET WOZ PUT THE RIDEWATCHES ON THE CAKE.

THAT’S A TERRIBLE IDEA.

YOU CAN’T EVEN TRY TO TELL ME THEY’RE REPLICAS. THE OVERHEAD ZOOM OUT OF THE ROOM SHOWS THE TABLE WITH THE WATCH STAND. IT’S EMPTY. GUYS WHY.

Aaaaand then my heart broke a little inside.

Sougo’s toy robot, the one that could someday give rise to Rento, is next to the cake, holding up a little sign.

Junichiro: Uh, wait, hang on, you’ve been saying ‘overlord’… you mean ‘king’, right? Please?

Tsukuyomi: Yup! Sure! Just a slip of the tongue! You know how over dramatic Woz gets! (Please don’t dig any deeper!)

And yeah. Sougo completely forgot it was his birthday.

(So, rankings between Sougo, Shinnosuke, and Takeru… which of these riders handles their birthdays going forward the worst?)

(i’m kidding, i’m kidding.)

(mostly)

And then there were four.

Only four more watches to go.

Kiva, who’s coming up in the next arc. Okay, technically the current arc, since it’s Sunday now.

Drive, who might be the next one after that. After all, we did just get the Brain special – with five returning actors.

Kabuto, who… I know jack all about Kabuto, actually. I’ve managed cultural osmosis for parts of literally every one of the Phase One Heisei Riders except for Kabuto. I’ve never heard anything except about some sort of Grandma complex, and something about food. That’s literally all I’ve got.

Four… I guess they must not have gotten Den-O in the movie after all?

I’m planning on watching that, at least in raw form, tomorrow. So. Look forward to that!

As for the preview… I’m pretty sure that woman could kill a man.

And. Um. Are those AnotherVersions of the Fangires from Kiva? Or is that just what they looked like, and Toei brought the old suits back out? I mean, they’ve been kitbashing a lot of old suits together lately, so it could go either way.

Anyway! That’s 34 Episodes of Kamen Rider Zi-O, in the bag! In the archives? The Recap Vault? ... I don’t even know anymore. I’m getting a little out of it. It’s been a rough week. :waves:

[italicwatches]

The Good Place, season 2 - Episode 03

Okay, let’s get this bad boy rolling. It’s The Good Place, season 2, episode 03! Here we GO!

-PREVIOUSLY ON The Good Place, Michael hooked on with the humans!

-And PRESENTLY ON The Good Place, “Oh, let’s not get caught up on ‘who lied to whom’ or ‘which one of us created an entire fake reality in order to cause eternal misery for the others.’ That’s ancient history.” I’m just going to let that sentence sit there and stew.

-Also Jay wants them to be The Bobcats. But Eleanor knows that there’s more going on here. Michael’s desperate. So explain. What’s changed? …It’s just like she said. The four of them keep winning. This place was supposed to psychologically torture the lot of you for thousands of years, to create a semi-self-sustaining loop of making you all make it even worse for eachother. But you keep figuring it out and teaming up!

-And now, there’s been a new development. He’s being blackmailed by Vicky. And she’s going to start over in 30 minutes. …So here’s the plan. He’s not going to reboot things. You’ve got to play the players.

-Chapter 17!

-So the humans quickly convene in the bedroom, and okay, plan? Jay thinks they should team up with Michael. Hot take, but sell it. He’s got a bow tie. You can always trust a dude in a bow tie! It’s how he got $600 for getting some weird turtles to Daytona beach! …Oh my god I swear he’s losing IQ on every reboot.

-Right ignore him. Michael’s a liar. Eleanor knows liars. She was a liar. So, look, they can’t trust him. They need information, which they will take with many grains of salt, and they need to work fast. Go? Go.

-So first out there, how the hell can they trust Michael? He’s got no reason. But, all cards on the table, here’s how things go if you don’t. Vicky comes and watches the reboot. You all go back to the zero point. Vicky’s version of things probably won’t be enough to keep you four from figuring it out. When she fails, she hides her iteration and takes the rest to his boss, who shuts the whole thing down, and you four end up in the regular Bad Place in a volcano full of scorpions. So…Less than ideal.

-Second question! Jay wants to know if the Jacksonville Jaguars won the Super Bowl. …No. Okay but about the Jaguars—

-Eleanor calls for Janet, and give this idiot something shiny to play with. So Jay’s soon got a sparkler, which leaves Tahani wanting to know just how long they’ve been doing this song and dance. Eight hundred and two, longest one was just shy of a year, this one was about a month. Shortest one was…Eight seconds. Michael just straight up sat down on the reboot button when he got in his chair, you four didn’t even wake up between that one and the next.

-Janet would like to know if she was also rebooted. Because each Janet reboot is specifically designed to increase their processing power and social aptitude, so as to limit the likelihood of needing another one. She could be the greatest Janet in all existence! LOOK! She can pat her head AND rub her tummy! holy shit

-Wait, Janet’s not one of yours? Nope, she’s a stolen Good Place Janet. Noted. Okay, so why do you look like a human if you’re a demon? Part of working for the Bureau of Human Affairs. And Mindy’s is fake, right? No, no, the Medium Place is legit. And outside of his authority or capacity to affect, much to his frustration.

-So Michael’s getting a bit panicky and look, they’re running out of time and he’s the only option you have. Their only option? “A lot of guys your age said that to me just as the bar was about to close. But I never settled for them! Because my ex-boyfriend lived nearby, he was obsessed with me, and he never slept because he was addicted to Adderall. There is ALWAYS another option!”

-…jesus fuck, Eleanor

-So after…That, Eleanor’s tapping out, she’s not in on the game. So Michael has to play one last card. You help him make this work…And he can get you all to the real Good Place.

-…EXPLAIN.

-It’s gonna take time, it’s gonna be complicated, and he will have to work out the details and work them out in secret. But look. There are ways to go from down here to up there. So the five of them can get out of this—

-Five?

-Yes, five. He’s doomed down here! He’ll sell saving you four from eternal damnation as proof that even a demon can be rehabilitated. …Look, they’re all up shit creek without a paddle right now, this might not even work, but this way you lot at least get to go in both eyes open.

-…NEW MEETING.

-Eleanor grabs Chidi and Tahani and pointedly leaves Jay out of it, and her read? This is a fresh style of torture. He’s putting them in blesser-evil, devil-you-know mess just to fuck with them, to make them squirm for a while. Teaming up with an actual factual literal demon is insane.

-Chidi fully agrees.

-But he sees no other choice on the board. …He spent his whole life trying to come to a solid grasp of ethics, to have a truly firm place of understanding of right and wrong, to try and know whether or not he was doing the right thing. And that landed him here. So right now, he’s open to damn near anything if it lets him have the time and space to try and actually improve as a person.

-Okay so that’s one vote in. Tahani? Tahani continues to believe she doesn’t even belong here. Michael! She deserves to be in the real Good Place. Take her there or let her speak to your manager. …Right, Michael doesn’t have time for this. You’ve done the dramatic realization plenty of times and he’s bored of it so here’s the short version.

-You’re here because you never cared about anyone you helped. It was for fame, for status, or to spite your own family.

-Bullshit!

-…You know, Tahani, you never actually saw how you died, in all the loops. But you know what, let’s play it. It’s very…Telling.

-FLASHBACK

-So Tahani was at an interview for International Sophisticate Magazine. And they immediately wanted to talk about her sister Kamilah, who turned down a chance to be on the cover herself…And, well, suffice to say, they wanted to use Tahani to essentially interview Kamilah by proxy, about her induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame defying all of their usual structures.

-Which led to Tahani going to that induction in a staffer’s uniform to get in. Finding her sister. And confronting her, which went from argument, to her bringing down the massive statue Kamilah had commissioned…A massive golden statue, that crushed her underfoot.

-Back in the Now. You get it, Tahani? …And it takes her a few more runs through the concept to get it, and then she just breaks down. Okay, I feel a little bad now that she actually can see herself for who she is. A little bit.

-So she’s game to team up if it means she can actually become a better person. So Eleanor finds herself the one woman out…And Eleanor, of course, is one-week-in Eleanor.

-So, uh, she’s really not taking this whole “everyone wants to become better people” thing well.

-Also, “I have no idea what’s going on, but everyone is talking and I should too!” Keep on keepin’ on, Jay. Keep on.

-And Michael just breaks down into laughter because he’s realizing how absurd it is that he’s reliant on these…glorified insects to save him. Like an exterminator needing to be saved by cockroaches. Oh, now Eleanor is PISSED.

-Chidi’s got to step in and force Eleanor to look at him, to focus, and to breathe. …Okay. Okay. Give her five minutes to think.

-She steps into her absurd clown room, and immediately calls Janet. Janet, get her a train full of cocaine, right now. She’s going back to Mindy’s place.

-And Eleanor begins the desperate escape aaaand Chidi is there at the door. So gonna talk to him about the plan now that you’re bailing, Eleanor? …She’s not bailing.

“You have a bag full of clothes, you stuffed pillows and a mop in your bed to make it look like you’re asleep, and you’re literally sneaking out the back gate.”

-Okay. Okay, she’s going to Mindy. Because an eternity with her still sounds better than a literal deal with the devil. She insists she doesn’t owe any of them anything…And Chidi, at this point, realizes the best thing he can do is just walk away.

-Because the one person Eleanor can’t come up with a defense against…Is herself. And so that’s how Eleanor ends up sitting down with Michael, and, real talk. Out of all the reboots…How many times did Chidi refuse to help her out?

-None. Every single time that you managed to find him, you’d confess your situation, and Chidi would always get in there. And every time you lot last long enough, he always succeeds. She’s…She’s not that bad of a person, on the scale of Bad Place people at least…right?

-Janet arrives with the cocaine and escape train.

-…Eleanor would like to rescind the previous question.

-So she goes to the others, and real talk, she still doesn’t trust Michael at all. But…He’s asking for their help. And if there’s one thing that Chidi has apparently taught her in every last one of these loops, it’s that when someone asks for your help, you give it. It’s what Chidi would do for any of them.

-It’s…What he IS doing, Eleanor. He’s right here. In the room.

-But okay, Eleanor is in. On one condition. Michael, you’re taking the ethics classes too. You want to get into the real Good Place when this is over? Time to learn how to be worth them letting your ass in. And, just so they’re clear? You try and play them, and it all goes to Vicky. And you join in on being fried with the rest of them.

-So, you in as part of Team Cockroach, exterminator man? Just like you said…You’re running out of time? And they’re your only option.

-On the fresh loop, Eleanor’s in the fro-yo initial style. Except of course, this time, Vicky is introduced as the official Best Person, and so sort of the mayor of the town.

-And Vicky steps up…And immediately starts to sing!

-Hard cut to Eleanor’s place. They’ve got a few hours to work while Vicky plans for the welcome party. So her plan’s basically what Michael did with this one. Eleanor’s gonna get drunk, hog all the shrimp, insult some people, and they’ll use that to build the chaos sequence for tomorrow. You’ll all need to play along.

-So Michael’s, as far as Vicky’s concerned, going to be handling surveillance on you four. Which is how they’re gonna all get away with this. Jay asks if Janet is going to keep their secrets, and on the one hand, she can’t lie…But on the other, her job is to keep humans happy. You four are the only humans here. So she’s on board! And so it’s time for a cowardly traitor, four idiots, and a robot (Janet protests) to outsmart some of the Bad Place’s best and brightest. Go team!

-Credits!

Janet gets better every time. And this is gonna be interesting. Looks like Vicky’s using a lot of the season one version of the neighborhood, but of course going in with everyone knowing the score is going to make things a lot different…We’ll just have to see how that goes next time, in episode FOUR of The Good Place, season two! Wait for it!

[s-tier]

Could you please explain the reasoning behind the D and F tier?

For sure! i can explain the rest of the list too if someone’s nice enough to ask :3 (I TAKE THAT BACK, THIS ALONE TOOK ME LIKE THREE HOURS. maybe ask for like a few weapons at a time lol)

I’ll even list higher-tier alternatives to consider picking up if you main any of these bad weapons

Custom Goo Tuber: Main weapon is outclassed by every long-range charger. The only thing going for it is that it can hold and move around with a full charge longer than the other chargers, but that doesn’t make up for its slower charge speed and shorter range. Inkjet being a solid special weapon is all that’s keeping it out of F tier. Consider trying the Ballpoint Splatling if you want a backline weapon with Inkjet

Classic Squiffer: Short-range charger with a high skill floor for a low payoff. Ink Armor keeps this out of F tier. Point Sensor is overall weak, but can apply some mental pressure if the user can manage to hit their shots. Try Kensa Glooga, Rapid Blaster Pro Deco, or H-3 Nozzlenose D if you want a high-skill/high-payoff midliner with Ink Armor.

New Squiffer: Same problems as the Classic. Baller makes this version more suited for aggressive players. Autobomb is about as useful as Point Sensor in this context (not very). I recommend Glooga Deco or Slosher Deco if you wanna play an aggressive midline Baller.

Flingza Roller: Both the main weapon and accompanying kit wants it to be a midline/support weapon; but it kinda sucks at doing so and is generally outclassed by most other Rollers in that regard. You’re better off playing Gold Dynamo or Kensa Splat Roller if you wanna play a good midline Roller or want to capture Zone fast.

Krak-On Splat Roller: Splat Rollers excel as frontline/slayer, constantly applying pressure to the opponent, going for flanks, and fishing for kills. Putting Squid Beakons on it is poor synergy because good beakon locations are generally very far away from the enemy. Backline and Support teammates are not going to Super Jump to beakons that can get them immediately killed or puts them in an awkward position. Just play vanilla Splat Roller.

Clash Blaster: Weapon kills too slow, has poor range, and can’t do much to beat good positioning/teamplay. Bad synergy putting Sting Ray, a special suited for backliners, on one of the shortest ranged blasters. Splat Bombs help the wielder get in close for a kill or pressure from a safe distance. The lack of aim needed to use this weapon makes this great for bad players to beat other players that are just as bad or worse. Play Kensa/vanilla Luna Blaster if you want an easy Blaster to use that can actually go in, orSloshing Machine if you want an easier weapon with Sting Ray.

Clash Blaster Neo: Weapon kills too slow, has poor range, and can’t do much to beat good positioning/teamplay. Bad synergy putting Tenta Missiles, a special suited for backliners, on one of the shortest ranged blasters. Curling Bombs help the wielder get in close for a kill or pressure from a safe distance. The lack of aim needed to use this weapon makes this great for bad players to beat other players that are just as bad or worse. Play Kensa/vanilla Luna Blaster if you want an easy Blaster to use that can actually go in, or just play another video game if you’re really trying to win using a bad special like Tenta Missiles on a garbage weapon like Clash.

Luna Blaster Neo: Ink Mine literally does nothing to help the fact that Luna Blaster has the shortest range in the game. Suction Bomb-Launcher is arguably the best Bomb-Launcher, but good luck getting it on a blaster that can’t paint from a safe distance away from the opponent. Play Neo Splash-o-matic if you want an aggressive Suction Bomb-Launcher weapon, or Rapid Blaster for a good blaster with a solid Splat Bomb-Launcher.

Custom Splattershot Jr.: Ink Storm is very good, but the main weapon and sub, Autobombs, don’t do much to capitalize on the pressure created from the special weapon. Ink Storm also can’t do much if it’s activated too far away from the opponents. Short range, bad accuracy, and 4-hit kill makes it hard to paint safely while still having a meaningful presence in a match. Play Custom Dualie Squelchers, Rapid Blaster Pro, or Splat Brella if you want a strong support-based Ink Storm weapon.

Jet Squelcher: Toxic Mist doesn’t cover Jet’s weakness of close-quarters combat unlike the Custom’s Burst Bombs. Using Mist to deny areas isn’t effective since it does no damage; the best it can manage is similar to what Point Sensors can do: mental pressure. Tenta Missles are trash. You’re better off just playing the Custom version, or Rapid Blaster Pro if you’re REALLY about that Toxic Mist.

N-ZAP ‘89: Same problems as the Custom Jr., and Autobombs don’t complement the main weapon very well. Tenta Missiles are trash. ‘89 players end up accomplishing very little in high rank games due to the kit enabling very passive play. Try Tentatek Splattershot or Neo Splash-o-matic for being similar-ish main weapons with way better kits, or just play ‘85 if you’re that committed to the N-ZAP gang.

H-3 Nozzlenose: Great main weapon that can paint well, get fast kills, all from afar, but requires a lot of skill to use. Your pay off? Tenta Missiles, the worst special in the game. YAY. Also you get Point Sensors, one of the least useful sub weapons to work with. YAY. Just play H-3 D, you’ll get sosososososo much more out of it, trust me.

Dualie Squelchers: Solid weapon, apart from being very ink hungry. But its sub and special is the same as the vanilla H-3 sooo LOL. Just play the Custom version.

Dapple Dualies: Same problems as the Krak-On Splat Roller: Beakons on a short-ranged weapon that’s supposed to be using its time harassing the opponents and getting kills. Play Light Tetras if you want dualies with a Bomb-Launcher, or Neo Splash-o-matic if you want a frontline Suction Bomb-Launcher weapon.

Undercover Brella: Ink Mine sucks unless it’s on a backline weapon. Splashdown sucks if it’s not on a slayer weapon. Undercover Brella is neither of those. Play Kensa Undercover Brella if you want an Undercover that’s actually viable, or Splat Brella if you want a brella that’s capable of aggressive play.

Undercover Sorella Brella: Poor synergy. The kit is amazing for a frontline/slayer (Splat Bomb/Baller; I wish it was on a Range Blaster tbh), but Undercover is better suited in the support role. Play Kensa Undercover Brella if you like the main weapon and want a kit that can complement it, or Luna Blaster if you still want the same kit on a frontliner.

Tenta Sorella Brella: Splash Wall is redundant considering the shield is basically a better Splash Wall that can move, ink turf, and costs less. Curling Bomb-Launcher is one of the weaker Bomb-Launchers. Just pick up the vanilla Tenta Brella, Beakons actually make sense on this weapon, and Bubble Blower is just ridiculous if used right.

Next is F tier. If you main these weapons, please consider starting over, relearn the game, and find another weapon to play by yourself because I don’t know what help I can give to save you at this point.

Goo Tuber: Bad main weapon, as explained above. Suction Bombs and slow-detonating bombs in general are better suited on frontliners; backliners like Burst or Splat Bombs as a means of escape or fighting up close. Splashdown on a backliner, yikes.

Foil Flingza Roller: Worst roller in the game, but this time with Tenta Missiles. YAY.

Aerospray MG: Can’t fight due to short range, bad accuracy, and 5-hit kill. Can’t safely paint turf on the opponent’s side of the map because of that. Underwhelming special in Curling Bomb-Launcher.

Aerospray RG: Can’t fight or paint as explained above. Sprinkler helping build special a little faster doesn’t make up for how bad the main weapon is. Literally every other weapon in the game with Baller in its kit is a better choice than this.

Sploosh-o-matic: Extremely short range and bad accuracy basically requires you to be practically on top of the opponent to get a kill with the main weapon. Curling Bombs can help approach, but obviously telegraphs a potential approach and will just get shot at from a safe distance.

Neo Sploosh-o-matic: Shit frontline weapon with Squid Beakons and Tenta Missiles slapped on. What else do I need to say? This weapon is a joke. Bottom of the barrel. Please get yourself checked if you main this.