#The Retail Simps

[bandcampsnoop]

1/27/24.

Great name, great cover. I thought this might be metal or hardcore punk, but this is just great rock n' roll. Heavy Möther II are a Bloomington, Indiana based band that looks to have members (Eddie Flowers and Craig Bell) who have been playing music since the 1970s and have a LONG music history.

Heavy Möther II is the second incarnation of Heavy Mother. This album brings to mind rock in the vein of Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks, Endless Boogie and The Hard Quartet. But, look at the bands represented here: The Gizmos, Crawlspace, Rocket From the Tombs, The Retail Simps, and The Cowboys. "Omnivore" is the only song available, but I've listened to it a lot.

Previous Heavy Mother was released by Feel It Records. Heavy Möther II is being handled by Total Punk Records.

[nevesmose]

The chamber was a holding cell poorly disguised as a bedroom, split down the middle by a thick transparent barrier. The inner half was dark, depthless and black as the void.

"And which of my brothers are you?" Konrad Curze asked from somewhere within that darkness.

"Ferrus Manus," his visitor said plainly. "Primarch of the Tenth."

[freesidexjunkie]

sitting on campus overhearing poli sci students (which is my daily struggle) and this kid just said "yeah I found the textbook online illegally but I didn't wanna get it illegally"

coward. rip to you. im just built different I guess.

[revilermpls]

Photos: Year 1: A See/Saw Party at Eagles 34

Year 1: A See/Saw Partywith Retail Simps, Judy and the Jerks, Neo Neos, Artificial Go, 208, Abi Ooze and PanelEagles 34, Minneapolis, MNApril 5th, 2025

[large-penises-sporting-goods]

Pretty sure sales guy Tyler knows that me and Elliott are a couple. (It's fine, he's the person least likely to rat us out because he's good friends with both of us) I suspect this because the below scenario has happened multiple times:

All three of us go to the back room (after closing Tyler and I lowkey just follow Elliott around so we can chitchat while we clean)

Tyler leaves the back room, Elliott and I slyly remain behind and go behind a shelf to kiss

A minute or so I hear the door open very very slowly and almost silently

Elliott and I get our hands off each other so we can go look

It's Tyler

Like if he was just wondering where we were, he'd open the door like a normal person. So I think he knows what we're up to and is trying to catch us. Honestly very iconic. I kinda wish we could tell him upfront because he's already a very enjoyable third wheel, I think there'd be some great comedic potential if he knew of his third wheel status and could capitalize on it

[lyonnerileyauthor]

get this monster-fucker book free right now!

Prince of Beasts is a short, sweet, and super spicy novella about one strong queen who has no choice but to marry a monstrous prince or risk her kingdom's safety.

but Prince Jakol has loved her from afar for many years, and let's be honest, he's a total simp who just wants to make her happy.

there's spice, weird peen, and some breeding. enjoy!!

download it free from your favorite ebook retailer

[nanamineedstherapy]

Grandpa Sukuna Buys a Phone

Ft. UncKuna Ryomen Sukuna, Retail Worker GN!Reader, Gen Z Android User Itadori Yuji, Millennial iPhone User Inumaki Toge (Can & will speak), Hot Crush at First Sight Fushiguro Megumi

Normal Modern AU - No Curses/No Powers Summary: Ryomen Sukuna, the King of Curses, discovers the horrors of modern technology while trying to buy a phone. Yuji drags his immortal uncle through the chaos of retail hell, Inumaki records everything for clout, & Megumi accidentally becomes the Internet’s newest thirst trap. Or: In which Sukuna learns about Bluetooth while he and Yuji gets a crush, & Inumaki becomes the worst kind of friend. (Feat. awkward flirting, grandpa rage, accidental simping, & enough secondhand embarrassment to power a small city.) A/N: Hey, besties! ✨ So, this fic is 80% crack, 20% feral demon king trying to understand iOS vs. Android while getting his first crush in 1,000 years. 😌 You know, normal JJK things. Expect chaos, TikTok clout chasing, and Sukuna having a midlife crisis over Bluetooth. Also, if you’re here for tall, dark, & broody men with questionable tech skills, this is for you. (And if you’re not, wtf are you doing here? 👁️👄👁️) This fic is dedicated to everyone who’s ever had to explain technology to a relative who still yells at the TV remote. I love you. 💖 Never written anything for Suku x Megs, its my first time here hehe.

A neon-lit Android store in Shibuya. The walls pulse with LED ads for the latest tech, promising “LIGHTNING-FAST SPEEDS” and “CRYSTAL CLEAR DISPLAYS.” You sit behind the counter on a swiveling stool, scrolling through memes and pretending the customer in front of you isn’t about to snap the demo phone in half.

Ryomen Sukuna stands over your counter like a disgruntled RPG boss. Tall, covered in tribal tattoos that definitely don’t follow workplace dress code, and radiating an aura that screams, “I don’t belong in this century.” The demo phone in his hand creaks under his grip.

“This device,” he growls, glaring at the phone like it owes him money, “what does it do?”

You suppress a sigh, eyes darting to the store’s emergency exit. “Uh… everything? It’s a smartphone. Internet, calls, apps—whatever you need.”

His scowl deepens, eyes narrowing like you just insulted his ancestors. “Explain ‘apps.’”

You blink. “They’re like… little programs that do specific things.”

He leans in, crimson eyes glowing. “Specific things like trapping human souls?”

You pause. “No.”

“Then what?”

You’re struggling not to laugh when the door slams open, and two guys stumble in, mid-argument.

Yuji & Inumaki Enter the Chat

“Uncle Sukuna!” the pink-haired one—Yuji, 21—calls, grinning as he pulls out his earbuds with the kind of energy you’d expect from a puppy on five shots of espresso. His hair has those soft, fluffy highlights that suggest either a TikTok influencer or a guy who let his little sister pick his dye job.

Yuji knows Sukuna is his “uncle” thanks to a totally legit backstory Sukuna fed him two days ago: he’d woken up from a 1,000-year coma caused by “Super Rare Amnesia Disease Syndrome” (SRADS™), a condition that erased all his modern knowledge but conveniently left memories of being Yuji’s estranged uncle intact.

Yuji, being both kindhearted and gullible, bought it immediately.

Beside him, Inumaki—a 22-year-old with the energy of a stressed-out millennial, oversized hoodie, and fingers glued to his phone—sips a violently purple bubble tea, eyes flicking to Sukuna like he’s assessing the final boss of a horror game. He’s got the disinterested aura of someone who just lost all faith in humanity and is about to roast someone for it.

Yuji jogs up to the counter, clapping Sukuna on the back. “Whatcha doing, old man?”

Sukuna snarls, baring fangs. “Do not touch me, boy.”

Yuji just grins, unbothered. “Trying to buy a phone? Good luck, dude. You’re gonna hate it.”

Sukuna’s eyes flicker. “You dare mock me?”

Inumaki steps up, flicking his bangs out of his eyes. “He’s not wrong, though. You’ll have a mental breakdown trying to figure out the Wi-Fi settings.”

Sukuna glares. “Don’t patronize me, brat.”

Yuji just grins wider. “You’re literally 47.”

“Old age brings power, boy.”

Yuji pats his shoulder like a nurse dealing with a particularly confused patient. “Uncle, it’s a phone. You can call people, text, watch cat videos, whatever.”

Sukuna squints. “It contains cats?”

Inumaki snorts into his bubble tea, the pearls clinking against the plastic. “Not literally, Grandpa.” He taps his iPhone. “iPhone’s better, though. No debate.”

Yuji rolls his eyes. “Bro, no. Android’s superior. More freedom. Better battery life. Customization.”

Inumaki leans against the counter, smirking. “Yeah, if you want your phone to look like a Craigslist ad.”

Yuji’s grin sharpens. “At least my phone doesn’t cost a kidney.”

Inumaki flicks a bubble at him. “iPhone has FaceTime.”

“Discord exists.”

“Better camera.”

“Pixel 8.”

“Ecosystem.”

“Android has an actual file system.”

You glance at Sukuna, whose eyes are twitching like a demon contemplating mass slaughter. You’re pretty sure if he knew what Wi-Fi was, he’d try to curse it.

He lifts the phone again, staring at the bright, mocking icons. "What is this 'Bluetooth'? Does it refer to a creature?"

You press your lips together, trying not to laugh. "It's for wireless connections."

His eyes narrow. "Connections to what?"

"Speakers, headphones, car stereos..."

He glares at the phone. "Does it speak?"

Yuji snickers. "Nah, but Siri does."

Inumaki lifts his iPhone. "Yeah, and it actually works, unlike whatever knockoff AI your Android has."

Yuji bristles. "Bro, don't disrespect my Google Assistant."

"Literally no one uses that."

"I use it!"

"Case in point."

Inumaki pulls up TikTok, flashing the screen at Sukuna. "See? iPhone's perfect for this." He hits play, and a chaotic, ear-splitting sound erupts from his phone. "Crisp speakers. Smooth playback."

Sukuna's eyes flare. "This... this device screams?"

You bite the inside of your cheek, watching as Sukuna's patience with modern tech frays like an overused charging cable.

---

Yuji claps him on the back, nearly sending him into a murderous frenzy. "Relax, Uncle. You'll get used to it. Just buy the Android. It's way more user-friendly."

Inumaki shakes his head. "Don't listen to this peasant. Buy the iPhone. It'll save you from having to watch pixelated TikToks."

Sukuna glances between the two phones like he's choosing a weapon before battle. "Which one is superior in combat?"

Yuji frowns. "Bro, what?"

Inumaki deadpans. "Neither. They break if you breathe on them too hard."

Sukuna's eye twitches, and you're pretty sure you see him clench his teeth.

Yuji groans, like he's been waiting for this. "Bro, don't start. Android's superior."

Inumaki flicks a pearl at him, which Yuji barely dodges. "Better camera. iPhone wins."

"Yeah, if you're an Instagram model," Yuji fires back. "Androids are for real users."

Inumaki raises an eyebrow. "You mean broke ones?"

Yuji's jaw drops. "Say that again, I dare you."

You rub your temples, regretting every life choice that led you here.

---

While the boys bicker, Sukuna corners you again, red eyes flashing.

"What is 'storage space'?"

You sigh. "It's how much data you can save."

He scowls. "And this... 'RAM'? Is it a type of curse?"

You deadpan, "It's memory for multitasking. Not a curse."

His frown deepens. "Why does this one have a 'triple-lens camera'? Are three lenses necessary for mortal eyes?"

You bite your lip to keep from laughing. "For better photos."

He snorts. "I don't need mortal 'photos.' I'll remember your faces when I'm tearing you apart."

Yuji, still mid-argument with Inumaki, calls over, "Uncle Sukuna, stop threatening people!"

---

A few minutes later, Yuji grabs Sukuna's arm, yanking him toward the counter where the demo phones are lined up. "Here, look. I'll show you how to take photos."

He flips the camera to portrait mode, about to snap a picture of you, when the door chimes. A guy walks in - tall, dark-haired, and dressed like he's about to drop a million-dollar tech startup. He heads for the headphone section, expression unimpressed.

Both Yuji and Sukuna freeze.

The guy, oblivious, casually picks up a pair of noise-cancelling headphones, turning them over with an appraising look.

Yuji's fingers tighten on Sukuna's arm. "Holy shit."

Sukuna narrows his eyes, for once at a loss for words. You glance between them, confused.

Inumaki, who has been aggressively snapping selfies for TikTok, finally looks up. "Oh. Damn."

The guy's eyes flick over to the trio for a moment, brow furrowing slightly before he turns back to the headphones.

Yuji's mouth hangs open, and you're pretty sure you can hear his brain cells frying.

Sukuna leans in, voice low and strangely unsteady. "Who is this mortal, and why do I feel the urge to... validate my existence in front of him?"

Yuji looks equally horrified. "Bro, same."

Inumaki deadpans, "That's called a crush, grandpa."

Sukuna sputters, genuinely looking alarmed for the first time since he stormed into your store. "Crush? I am the King of Curses! I do not 'crush'!"

Yuji hisses, "Dude, he's looking this way. Play it cool!"

Sukuna stiffens, lifting his phone like he's about to curse it. "How do I 'play it cool'?"

Inumaki just smirks, pressing record discreetly on his phone pointed at Sukuna and Yuji. "Good luck, old man."

The mysterious guy - tall, with spiky but soft-looking hair, sharp-jawed, and wearing a designer coat that probably costs more than your rent - wanders over to the checkout counter, noise-cancelling headphones in hand. He's got that lowkey irritated vibe of someone who hates small talk but needs to get this over with.

You mentally brace yourself.

"Hey," he says, voice deep and slightly raspy, like he's been up all night brooding on a fire escape. He sets the box down on the counter, hands long and elegant.

You swallow. "Hey."

Behind you, Inumaki's phone is definitely recording. Yuji, for once, is silent, eyes darting between you and Sukuna like he's watching a slow-motion train wreck that includes him.

You scan the box - a pair of Razor Kraken V5.2 Ultra-Supreme Noise-Cancelling Headphones with 360-Degree Spatial Audio and Bone-Rattling Bass. Price tag: ¥85,000.

Nice. The man has taste.

"Buying the fancy ones, huh?" you say, trying to sound casual.

He raises an eyebrow. "I like good sound."

Yuji, not-so-subtly whispering to Sukuna: "Bro, that's a voice."

Sukuna, glaring: "Shut up, brat."

You slide the headphones toward the register. "So, uh... you into gaming or just vibing to, like, lo-fi while you contemplate the universe?"

He snorts, eyes flicking up to yours. "Both."

God, why does his eye contact feel like a judgemental cat sizing you up?

"Nice," you blurt out, swiping the barcode. "Uh, you know, these are great for drowning out existential dread."

He pauses, lips twitching slightly. "Good. I have a lot of that."

Inumaki is barely containing his laughter behind his cup.

"Yeah," you say, forcing a laugh. "Same."

The air between you is so awkward you could cut it with a plastic spork.

Beside you, Sukuna's fists clench, and you can feel the temperature in the store drop by about five degrees. He's glaring at the mystery guy like he's trying to decide whether to curse him or write him a love haiku.

The guy - completely oblivious - taps his card against the reader.

"Thanks," he says, meeting your eyes again. "Have a good one."

"Y-Yeah," you stutter. "You too."

He turns, strides out of the store with the grace of a noir film protagonist, and disappears into the neon haze of Shibuya.

The door closes, and the silence that follows is deafening.

Yuji, in a stage whisper: "Bro, what the hell was that?"

Sukuna's fingers twitch, veins popping. "He has the presence of a king."

Yuji's eyes snap to his uncle. "Uncle Sukuna, did you just—"

"Silence."

Inumaki finally breaks, letting out a wheezing laugh as he stops recording. "Oh my god. You guys were so awkward." He immediately starts typing the TikTok caption: "Retail Worker and Demon King Simp Over Guy with Expensive Headphones While I Watch" #Cringe #NoRizz #SimpGrandpa

You groan, burying your face in your hands. "I want to die."

Sukuna snarls, still staring at the door like he can mentally will the guy to come back. "I do not 'simp.' I am the King of Curses."

Yuji pats his back. "Yeah, bro, you also just got verbally bodied by a guy who didn't even break eye contact."

Sukuna growls, shadows flickering around him. "Cease your insolence, boy."

Inumaki snorts, sipping his bubble tea. "You're both hopeless."

Yuji leans in, whispering like he's plotting a heist. "Dude, we gotta find out who that guy is."

Sukuna's eyes gleam, fangs flashing. "Yes."

Inumaki just shakes his head, already uploading the TikTok. "I'm so posting this."

As Sukuna's internal monologue spirals from "Why is this mortal so captivating?" to "I should just eat him to stop these cursed feelings," Yuji grabs both phones and slaps them on the counter.

"Uncle Sukuna," he whispers, eyes darting to the door. "Dude, breathe. You're acting weird."

Sukuna growls, shadows flickering like he's about to spontaneously combust. "I do not 'act weird,' boy."

Yuji rolls his eyes, pushing both phones toward the register. "Just buy these and let's go. You're embarrassing me."

Sukuna, still in a post-crush haze, slams a thick wad of cash on the counter, the bills spilling everywhere like the world's least organised drug deal. You stare at it, stunned, because you're pretty sure you just saw a 10,000 yen note that looks older than your grandparents.

He grabs the bags, one in each hand, and turns with a flourish, nearly knocking over a display of overpriced phone cases.

"Keep the change, mortal," he snarls, stalking out of the store with the energy of a man who just rage-bought his way out of an emotional crisis.

Yuji facepalms. "Bro, you bought both phones."

Sukuna freezes, one foot already out the door. He turns, slow and deliberate, like a vengeful spirit. "What?"

Yuji sighs, rubbing his temples. "You bought both. That's like ¥400,000. You just got scammed by capitalism."

Sukuna's eye twitches, jaw clenching so hard you half expect his fangs to crack. He looks at the bags in his hands, then back at you, like this is somehow your fault.

"Foolish mortal devices," he mutters, storming out, nearly shattering the glass door with his exit.

You exhale, leaning against the counter as the air pressure finally normalizes. Inumaki's phone is still recording. You glance at him, too tired to even protest.

"This is going viral," he declares, flicking his bangs aside with a smirk.

---

Later That Night

The door slams open. Sukuna looms in the entrance, the Android's screen flashing an angry red error message.

"This infernal machine mocked me."

Two hours later, he returns, now glaring at a system update prompt.

"What is this 'system update'? It demands I agree to its terms."

You stare blankly. "You have to accept to use it."

"I will destroy this wretched device," he snarls, shadows flickering around him as you reach for the return forms. Retail hell just got a supernatural upgrade.

---

One Slow Tuesday Later

You're stacking overpriced phone cases when the door chimes. There he stands - the headphones guy, dressed in another sleek, all-black fit, the kind of effortless style that screams, “I’m emotionally unavailable but in a hot way.” His hair is slightly mussed, jaw clenched, eyes sharp enough to cut through your last remaining shred of dignity.

Your pulse spikes like a faulty heart monitor.

You swallow. Your palms are suddenly clammy, and you’re pretty sure you’re about to do something embarrassing again.

He strides up to the counter, setting down a phone case with the kind of precision that makes you question your own motor skills.

"Hey." His voice is gravel wrapped in velvet.

“Hey,” you manage, praying you don’t sound like a 12-year-old meeting their K-pop bias for the first time.

He leans in, voice low, eyes narrowing slightly. “Why the hell am I all over TikTok?”

Your brain blue-screens.

“What?”

He reaches into his pocket, pulls out his phone, and flips the screen to face you.

Your soul exits your body as he shows you Inumaki's viral video: 3.4M views, comments glaring up at you.

“Retail Rizz at its finest.”

“Bro, who’s the dude in the coat? I’d let him ruin my credit score.”

“Not the tall, dark, and broody customer giving main character energy.”

“Lowkey want him to step on me.”

Oh. Oh no.

Your eyes dart to the store’s corner security camera, then to the still-displaying LED ads for the same overpriced headphones this guy bought last week. You feel your sanity crack like a cheap phone screen.

“I… I didn’t… It wasn’t me,” you stammer, your brain flipping through excuses like a malfunctioning Rolodex.

"Didn't say it was." 

“Oh.” You blink. “Right.”

He pockets his phone, the weight of his stare making your knees weak. “Just… tell your friend to stop being weird.”

Your brain finally catches up. “Oh, yeah. Definitely. Sorry about that. I’ll, uh, talk to him.”

He stares at you for another beat, like he’s trying to decide if you’re worth the effort of being mad at, then turns and heads for the exit.

You exhale, heart rate slowly returning to a somewhat liveable BPM as the door chimes again, and the guy vanishes into the Shibuya chaos.

A second later, your phone buzzes. It’s a group chat notification.

Inumaki 👁️: Bro, did your crush just come back to the store? I see him on the camera feed. LMFAO

Yuji 🦑: WAIT WHAT WHERE

Inumaki 👁️: Nah, too late. He left. I’m posting the part where you both froze like NPCs again. 😂

Yuji 🦑: BRO I HATE YOU

You: I’m blocking you both.

---

Meanwhile, In The Cursed Geriatric Group Chat

Cursed Geriatric👑: Boy. This ‘FaceTime’ feature. Why does it demand my ‘contact permissions’?

Yuji 🦑: LMAO, you gotta allow it or it won’t work.

Cursed Geriatric👑: Allow it? I will not allow anything. I am the King of Curses.

Inumaki 👁️: Old man can’t work his phone 😂

Cursed Geriatric👑: Silence, brat. I will curse you through this wretched device.

Yuji 🦑: You’d have to accept the terms and conditions first.

Cursed Geriatric👑: What are these ‘cookies’ it demands I accept?

Inumaki 👁️: Not the demon king getting ratio’d by iOS settings.

Yuji 🦑: Bro, chill. Just click accept.

Cursed Geriatric👑: Fools. I have clicked it. I will not be controlled by your cursed ‘clouds’ and ‘Wi-Fi.’

Yuji 🦑: You literally have two phones now.

Cursed Geriatric👑: They shall become my weapons. Fear me.

Inumaki 👁️: This is going on TikTok too.

Cursed Geriatric👑: I will end you.

---

A/N: Thank you for reading! 💥 Now that you’ve survived Sukuna trying to understand modern tech: let me know in the comments or I’ll assume you hate me & my serotonin will flatline. 🙃 (Jk, but not really. Please comment. I will fold like a cheap chair.) Okay, love you, bye! 💜✨

All Works Masterlist

Beta - @blackrimmedrose

[bandcampsnoop]

5/17/24.

Let's do a 2nd day of Dot Dash Sounds (Brooklyn, New York). Yesterday, we posted about Red Herrings, and today we look at the first MixTape put together by TomDash. I'm not sure how he pulled this off, but the tape leads off with Straw Man Army and then has contributions from Ibex Clone, Retail Simps and Emily Robb.

Bands cover the likes of Brian Eno, The Clean, Bill Direen and Moe Tucker.

MixTape Volume II just released and the results are just as impressive as Volume I. Let's hope TomDash keeps up the pace and quality after a very impressive first year.

[heartfullofleeches]

loser catboy reader you say? I'll take your entire stock!

Loser Catboy reader who sees the popular of cutesy, soft streamers and sets up a camera to rake in the dough and finally replace that body pillow they clawed up during their last late night session browsing the internet with their doors locked. On stream they're just another adorable soft kitten, but in reality they're a greasy, sweaty mess that probably should have been neutered at some point. Nearly throws themself out the window everytime their chat calls them their sweet kitty and wants to call them things that'd definitely get them banned if their simps didn't come racing to defend them.

It's when they play a PVP game that their future nature is revealed as they hurl insults that'd make a middle school bully teary eyed at their options which they quickly apologize for, but their viewers love this side of them all the same. Everyone has their bad days, they assure - few willfully oblivious to the fact that this is they're everyday. The masochists of their viewers beg them to act like this more often and maybe direct a bit of their harsh language at them. Reader calls them all freaks while still happily getting off to nudes they send in

-

Yan Chat Member: You saved my life. Without you, I don't know if I could live another day. You're so beautiful and your fur looks so soft. If I could play with your tails I'd die a happy person. Mortal possessions mean nothing to me now, so please take all my money

Loser CatBoy, holding up their hands like paws: Thank you so much for your donation! I'm so glad I could may your day a little better, nya. Remember we're all routing for you, friend! Have a good night!

[Reader turns off the stream, rolling a blunt filled with weed and catnip]

Loser CatBoy: You haven't had to work retail topay your rent in two years, Y/n. Stay strong.

-

Yan Chat Member: Ahhh! Please stick your claws in me someday, kitten! ><

Loser Catboy: how bout I stick my cock in your mouth and pour my "milk" down your fuckin throat, loser-

...

Loser Catboy: Quit sending your fucking addresses in the chat.

-

Loser Catboy: How much would you guys pay me to jerk off on screen lol

Chat:

"My life savings."

"All of my vital organs and blood."

"Real question is how much would I have to pay for you to do it on my face."

"I'm outside your window."

Loser Catboy, getting hard over their desperation and already jerking off under the table: Fucking freaks-

[ozzgin]

if we're talking about hot santa (the only time pre-december xmas talk doesnt activate an ex-retail worker's rage within me) david harbour as santa in violent night is still everything to me

I'm currently simping over a different kind of Santa...On that topic, if you find him as hot as I do, come back in a few days. I'm working on a spicy reader insert doodle. 👀

[letternotekisses]

I absolutely looove your writing!!! You've singlehandedly made me a simp for Doomfist 🤭

One thing tho is for some reason I see 'Akande' and 'Doomfist' and different people, but also the same? Like two sides of a coin lmao I have no idea why.

Like I've imagined it's big, intimidating Doomfist to everyone else, but the cute, bubbly secretary gets to call him Akande with an warm, innocent smile (but she know she has him wrapped around her finger and loves flaunting that power in front of the others)

I see the vision anon and I have to say I agree with you. There’s not many that get to see the vulnerable underbelly of the Doomfist, to say that his assistant sees that side of him (and more) is a humongous brag, one that she uses to her advantage on the odd occasion. Also, welcome to the Doomfist fan club, please take your seat and grab your commemorative hat and badge (pink with sparkles). I am the leader. On that note, let’s continue.

Most of Talon’s grunts already know about you, and they tend to steer far clear of interacting if they know what’s good for them, not only are the Talon ‘elites’ rather defensive of what they consider theirs, they also don’t really want to lose their jobs. Or die. That’s probably worse. And you take a little bit of joy in your day knowing that you mostly won’t be bothered, but alas, there’s always one.

You’re eating your lunch, nibbling on a sandwich while your other hand types up some dates for Akande, ever the busybody, you didn’t even notice the swaggering of a young man rapidly approaching your desk. But when he rudely flicks the bobble-head on your desk, it quickly perks your attention and has you hastily putting your sandwich back in its wrapper, swiping away some crumbs from your desk.

“Can I help you?” You clear your throat, polite and cordial like the sweet thing you were, and it wasn’t uncommon for the newer recruits to ask you the location of the nearest bathroom, or something along those lines, so you were usually happy to help.

“Yes, actually—” He starts off, ever confident, idly toying with one of the delicate china figurines Amelie had gifted you. That’s strike one.

“I was wondering if you’d like to go out to dinner sometime?” He grins, as if you were already bagged and bought in his mind. It made your skin crawl. Strike two.

“No—“ You pause briefly to take a bite of your sandwich, muffling your speech behind your hand before smiling at him as if he were an angry retail customer. “—Thank you.”

You gesture for him to leave, his lip curls into a rejected snarl and you fight the sudden urge to grimace, poor guy was about to put his foot down - and hit a fucking land mine. Strike thr—

He doesn’t even get the next word out, because the soft click of Akande’s office door behind him cuts the tense silence. You seem absolutely elated to see your ‘boss’ while the colour drains from the recruits face almost instantaneously. Clean up on aisle one because you honestly think he just crapped himself. It’s hard not to smile at this very moment.

You give a small wave, a little ‘hi Akande’ slipping out before you can stop it - not that he really minds - giving you a gentlemanly smile, bowing his head to greet you before he straightens up to face the terrified grunt who’d now knocked all of your trinkets off of your desk in his fright to step back. He puts two and two together and realises that, maybe he should have left this one alone.

Akande sternly threats dismisses him and he practically sprints down the hall to get away, and you’re just as content to watch his figure get smaller and smaller as he disappears down the hallway.

“I assumed that you usually ate with Moira?” Akande muses quizzically, delicately setting one of the fallen trinkets upright again on your desk, a rugged smile on his lips that you want to keep all to yourself.

“She’s busy.” You pout dramatically, idly flicking your bobble head until Akande suddenly stills it himself, chuckling at you.

“You should have said so.” He rumbles, extending his giant bicep for you to take, ever the gentleman, but only ever for you. “Come, eat with me.”

(You should know by now that this often ended up with you being his lunch instead, but you can let this one go considering his good duties today.)

[halloweensuittruffles]

I know everyone has a different opinion on this but I’ve been doing self inserts and self shipping sense like 2016,

Let’s say it all together,

A character. Does. Not. Belong. To. Only. You.

They exist in this reality so there will be other ppl who also simp them as much as you do, we should be embracing that and enjoying the conversations and interactions we could have with others who like the same character!

I’ve just seen a flux recently of ppl going “uhhh im actually non sharing” not sharing WHAT?? They’re a fictional character-

And I daydream a lot! I love to picture animations and scenes in my head like a whole movie and sometimes think of it to my real life and situations (hey sometimes it’s fun to think a merc with a mouth is with you at your retail shift) but it’s all fictional

I have first hand experience seeing what becoming so fixed on a character can do, it’s scary and not a fun time and I don’t want to see more ppl encouraging that behavior

This is supposed to be fun, so let’s do that! ❤️

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

Major Blog Update: Inbox Cleared, Life Updates, a big thank you and More!

First of all the big one:

The deed is done...The Inbox is dead.

Long live the inbox.

To get a fresh start, I've deleted the current inbox of all my asks.

The inbox memes, the nightmares...they're finally over...

ANYWAYS, feel free to send in any request you may have as per usual, just figured I clear that damn thing finally out considering I've had asks that are three years old in there.

Right now I'm really getting into Honkai: Star Rail since Natlan kinda killed my enjoyment of Genshin, but those gals I will still love and write for (I mean, I'm sure as heck not changing the blog url) so don't feel discouraged if you came to this blog because of my Genshin content. And of course my other fandoms are still good to rock and roll!

One last thing before the cut:

I want to thank EVERY ONE of you for following this blog and sticking around with my goofy ah for so long.

I genuinely get excited to read any message or request you put under my posts or inbox, whether it be feedback or joking around! And I know we have the memes going on about me being drowned, please know I do genuinely take the time to look at every single one that comes in everyday, even if I didn't say anything or respond. And it means the world to me that ya'll like my writing enough to continue asking of me.

You all are the reason I even put the effort I do in this blog for so many years, from my newer followers to those who have followed me since my first blog. I could not ask for a better group than ya'll.

From the bottom of my heart, thanks, and let's have a great year together!

ANYWHO: For those who care enough, this is what's been going on with me for the last few months.

Work:

As for why I've been absent for a while: simply put because I work a retail job. Thankfully nothing too bad, it's just normal scheduling and it IS work I very much enjoy and get paid relatively well. My love for writing is still very strong as is my simping, so no worries, I don't plan on going anywhere.

I DO greatly apologize for making everyone wait for literally ANYTHING, doubly so if you had an ask I didn't get to yet. I wanted to honestly save everything into my drafts, but alas I could only choose some select ones.

You're more than welcome to send it back in, and since things have calmed down I SHOULD be getting to them a lot faster.

Genshin:

In regards to what I said earlier about Genshin: Natlan kind of killed any enjoyment I had playing, characters were REALLY unappealing to me, it made my friends stop playing so therefore I stopped as well as that was the major reason I still had it installed. I don't really plan on adding anyone from Natlan or anyone else from that game in the future, so apologies if you were looking forward to that from me specifically.

Star Rail has been filling the hole in my heart and honestly? I have a lot more writing freedom writing the gals from there, but again, don't feel afraid to send me any genshin request! I still simp for my Mondstadt women after all.

Other things I've been doing/Ideas for the blog:

I've also been playing games (and getting distracted) with my irl friends and trying to catch up on my hobbies to prevent myself from burning out, Minecraft has been a big thing lately for me again: specifically Pixelmon LMAO.

For 2025 though, I plan to at least post an imagine once a week starting next week since things are still settling down and I have to get my work schedule.

I might also start posting (Eventually) my personal writing projects here to get feedback and possibly go to AO3 to post my crossover series since Tumblr isn't really the place to be doing so (Chief among them my FE3H AU: House Isekai), or if demand is high enough I'll post it here.

Oh, and with this major update I have once again updated my banner, not that it's really important, just that I put a good amount of effort in it, more than you'd think for how simple it is. I also want to see if anyone even gets my reference LMAO

Once this post goes live, I plan to add a few new characters, starting with the Commander from Girls' Frontline but we'll see how it goes.

I think that's all I got for right now, so see ya soon guys!

- Chris