#The team is so neurodivergent sometimes it’s painful

[bearotonin-international]

do you have any bears munching on a snack,,

Mr McGoogler be crunchin munchin lunchin

[enbycrip]

I’m seeing the “people don’t expect physically disabled people to be less disabled for their comfort so why do they expect mentally ill/neurodivergent people to do so?” memes making the rounds again, and I am here to remind you, as an autistic and ADHD, mentally ill, chronically ill person with multiple physical impairments that this is just not the case.

If you are both and that is your personal experience, I obviously do not expect you to deny that, but please be aware that this is very much *not* universal.

I am a full time mobility aid user and part-time wheelchair user. Both my personal experience and thousands of accounts from the wheelchair user community reflect the fact that most wheelchair users and other mobility aid users *continually* have our boundaries pushed around our use of mobility aids for the ease and comfort of others.

“I know we said step-free access but it’s just a couple of small steps so that counts, right? Our staff can lift you if you *really* can’t manage.”

“Oh we can’t really fit your chair or rollator in the car so you’ll just have to manage without them. You walked that far last week with the rollator so doing a few days around a city with a stick should be fine, right?”

“Your cousin really doesn’t want a stick in her wedding photos so you’ll just have to manage, but there will be lots of seats and it’s not like you have to stand up really.”

“You’re much too young to be using a stick anyway. Wait til you get older and you *really* know what pain is.”

“I know that restaurant is on the second floor and there’s no lift but the rest of the team really like the food there so I’m sure you’ll manage, won’t you?”

“We really don’t like you using that wheelchair - surely it will make you more disabled?”

“I know our accessible toilet is down a flight of stairs but people don’t really need to use a bathroom in a restaurant do they?”

“Oh, we booked this restaurant for x celebration (bonus points if it’s for *your* birthday/graduation etc) because it’s so nice and it just *didn’t* occur to us to check if it was accessible!”

These are just picked off the top of my head as a number of things I have encountered over my years as a mobility aid and wheelchair user.

I picked this out of my various impairments because wheelchair users are so frequently regarded as the sort of “iconic” disabled person, but my boundaries on pain and mobility aid - including wheelchair - use are genuinely pushed at least as much as those of my neurodivergences and mental illnesses. I have been accused of “bad behaviour”, “doing it for attention”, “faking it”, “making a scene” and “not really disabled” multiple times when the issues causing the problem were physical - including when my legs have physically given out on me in public places, causing me to fall.

None of this is peculiar to my experience. I have encountered hundreds of thousands of similar accounts and experiences from other disabled people all over the world.

I will absolutely allow that it sometimes feels easier, more “valid”, to ask for reasonable adjustments/accommodations for physical impairments than for neurodivergence or mental illness, but I would also contend that that is an issue of internalised disableism at least as much as anything else.

I believe at least part of the issue is that the image of disability the majority of the abled population has is that it is an unchanging, monolithic thing. “Can’t see”. “Can’t hear”. “Can’t walk.” “Can’t speak.” Whereas the majority of disability is *considerably* more nuanced than that. This is *very* much the case with neurodivergences and mental illnesses, but it is also very much the case with physical impairments.

Basically - being disabled is often pretty awful. The world is extremely inaccessible. It is often tempting to view other types of disabled people as “having it easier” or “encountering more understanding” etc etc. While this may absolutely be true on an individual level, particularly intersectionally (money, race, gender, queerness etc *absolutely* affect life as a disabled person) on a systemic level, it is equally absolutely *not* the case.

And various institutions *massively* benefit from internal envy and infighting in any marginalised community. Perpetuating the idea that “those people have it waaay easier/are stealing your resources etc etc” lets institutions off the hook. The only way we can practically improve the situation - accessibility, services etc etc - for *all* of us is by solidarity with each other as oppressed, marginalised disabled people.

[cdragons]

Eternals STEM TRIO: Chaotic Siblings from Infinity to Beyond Part 1 of ???

Pairing(s): platonic!Phastos x Persephone!Eternal (Sephia) x Hecate!Eternal (Kaetlyn); Phastos x Ben; Ikaris x Persephone!Eternal (Sephia); Druig x Hecate!Eternal (Kaetlyn) Word Count: 2.1 k Disclaimer: I do not own Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, or Eternals; I only own the two characters I made up and their offsprings. Author's Note: A big shout-out to my girl @ethereal-athalia for indulging my madness! I couldn't come up with half of these ideas without you, and answering all of my manic ideas and questions Warning(s): neurodivergent characters being neurodivergent, Ikaris being an idiot, Druig being a simp for his wife, Kaetlyn being her own damn warning, Phastos being tired, discussion of sexuality and the journey of identifying, Kaet & Sephia having offspring (eventually), some sexual themes (but most crack), profanity

Before Tenochtitlan

Phastos along with our girls make up the ultimate STEM dream team that could literally achieve anything.

Phastos is physics, technology, astronomy, mathematics, architecture, and engineering; Kaet is magic, medicine, biochemistry, healthcare, and anatomy & physiology; Sephia is agriculture, zoology, biology, chemistry, food science, and environmental sciences

But whenever Phastos gets stuck on a math problem, the first person he’ll go to would be Sephia

Oh yeah, this pink flower goddess is huge math nerd. Her mind is wired a bit differently from others, and numbers just make sense to her.

And while sometimes her short attention span will get the best of her, when she is in the zone, she is in the ZONE

One time she and Phastos were stuck on a math theorem during the Renaissance, and didn’t sleep for about a week straight.

Kaet ended up using her shadows to swaddle them straight jacket style for them to sleep, literally to only wake up 3 hours later with Sephia poking her cheek to wake her up to tell her that they proved it.

But Kaet is also the biggest hypocrite because she will research and dissect organisms for days on end with Phastos too.

These three invented the term “insomnia.”

Phastos does typically have a healthy sleeping schedule unless he is really focused, Sephia is the same in a slightly more extreme manner, but Kaet will deliberately not sleep until she has found her answer or satisfied with her work.

 Everyone wants her to sleep, and her reply will probably be something along the lines of “can’t die, won’t sleep, suck my magic dick.”

The only one that can really manage to get her to sleep at times is Druig, and that’s during the times he has to physically pry the tools out of her hands and strip her down and wrangle her into a shower before forcing her to cuddle with him to sleep

He’ll also make sure to sneak in some sexy times with her in the shower for good measure

Honestly, Kaet lowkey really loves the attention and will purposely stay up to late just to rile Druig up

Listen, she can't help it if all that pent up energy transitions to mind-blowing sex

But she also wants to find out the physical limits of her own bodily functions by staying awake as long as possible, and to see if she’ll eventually hallucinate.

"I want to see if this rib cage can turn into a xylophone"

Once it got so bad that Sephia made a sleeping powder of dried gardenias and valerian to blow in Kaet’s face. She immediately conked out, and sleep for a solid week.

When Ajak confronted Sephia, her only response was so fucking chaotic and unhinged.

“Oh, don’t worry, Kaety’s not poisoned. She’s just drugged.”

And everyone just stared at her while Sephia was smiling like there was nothing wrong in the world.

On the plus side, she monitored Kaet’s vitals and functions in her coma and was able to get some really great data on the benefits of those plants used for anti-anxiety and insomnia medication

This launched an era of the two gals cultivating and drying various plants to be used as medicine for various ailments and even pain relievers

They definitely used the other Eternals to test the drugs (mostly Ikaris) and some of the side effects were…interesting to say the least

One-time, Ikaris was so high off this preliminary version of anesthesia from poppy seeds that he might have gone on a 3-hour spiel about how Sephia’s hair was so super pretty, and how it smelled so nice, and how it looked so soft, and how he would cut his own ear if it meant he could see her boobs and cu-

Don’t worry the drugs kicked in again before he could finish (in more ways than one lol)

Speaking of Ikaris, while Kaetlyn is the most protective over she sweet Sephia, Phastos is a VERY close second

This inventor man does not believe for a second that this puffed-up chested man with his dumb quaffed hair is good enough for Sephia

Sephia would be the only Eternal who is genuinely interested and fascinated by Phastos' ideas and inventions, and will ask very good questions

And he's beyond grateful for her

On another note, just imagine the dread that overtook Phastos when Ajak basically assigned him on Kaet & Sephia watch duty.

Poor man just wanted Arishem to send him to another planet right then and there.

So…when Phastos learned that Ajak died, he was extremely sad…but mostly terrified because this meant only one thing now

HE had to be the mother figure of both Kaetlyn and Sephia

Throwback to the image at the top is literally all you need to know about the dynamic between this man and the two gals he’s in between

Fun fact about Sephia: sometimes she will be really quiet, and her mind will be like a million miles away, and then she will think of the most random stuff and start giggling like crazy

Phastos actually thought she was possessed by a demon and wanted Kaet to perform an exorcism…only to remember that Kaetlyn is even crazier

Phastos has seen Kaet do the Naruto run before it was even a thing at the most random times and always with the most chaotic crackling laughter the world has ever known

Kaet has purposely summoned and captured the weirdest monsters and ghosts FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE of freaking out Phastos

Migraines have become a good portion of this man’s daily lifestyle

But luckily, Sephia is there to save his mental health by brewing the most calming tea and shoving a super fluffy animal for him to cuddle with whilst asking him questions about his inventions

The three came up with their own STEM TRIO manifesto around the same time the Magna Carta came out

Phastos and Sephia are each other's worst enable when it comes to missing social engagements because they will literally come up with the worst excuses for their absence when facing Ajak's interrogation

"Phastos, why were you not at the party last night?"

"I-" "He had to help me make a contraption to help an aging ape give birth to a mutated baby"

"..." "..."

"What she said"

"Sephia, these celebrations are in your honor, it offends the chief if you do not make an appearance."

"Maybe the chief should stop mistreating his goats, and then maybe she would consider"

"Yeah! Tell 'em Phastos!"

Meanwhile, Kaetlyn and Druig are watching this entire exchange and feeding each other snacks as Kaet is sitting on Druig's lap

When Kaetlyn and Sephia left with Druig at Tenochtitlan, they secretly came back and begged Phastos to go with them as they were setting up the community

When Phastos refused, the three promised each other that they would always make sure to keep in contact with one another

Lordy Lord, pray for Ben when he's given the shovel talk by these two girls

Although in the end, they are like the sisters he's never had, and only Phastos is the one who is bothered (not really) by their constant unexpected visits

Modern Times:

When Phastos found Ben and started dating him, Kaetlyn and Sephia fully vetted the poor human

They remembered how broken and devastated their brother was in the aftermath of the Bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and they were not about to let someone else hurt him

By the way, Kaetlyn and Sephia were the first Eternals to know Phastos was gay since they were the only ones he trusted to come out to

It was the same the other way around too

Phastos was the first one ever to help Sephia really understand her sexuality (demisexual) since she thought something was wrong with her since she had never really felt any sexual attraction like that to anyone ever in the 7,000 years she lived on Earth

She has tried throughout multiple occasions tried to have sex, but it never really worked out and she never felt those feelings associated with sexual attraction

For the longest time, she thought she was asexual until Ikaris turned out not to be dead from the sun, and she’s connected with him on a more emotionally intimate level than ever before, and now she’s feeling all these new feelings that are scaring the crap out of her

There were instances that she felt attraction and even had fantasies over certain fictional characters but she to experience something in her head as a fantasy as opposed to experiencing it in reality was a whole different topic of conversation

And she’s even experienced romantic feelings whenever she tried to put herself in relationships, but those romantic feelings only stayed romantic and she never felt any sexual feelings

So, when those new feelings emerged…a conference call was set up between the STEM Trio and it was a chaos call that was primarily about going over literature of the sexuality spectrum and the fluidity of identification

When Ikaris had trouble wrapping his head around it when Sephia came out to him, he ended up getting a whole explanation on it from Phastos and Kaet over Zoom

But yeah, these three are each other’s ride or die at any point of time

They literally choked down their hatred for this man so that their girl could have the chance to be in a happy relationship

On the plus side, these three always went to Pride together

Druig usually stayed at the Amazon during these events because he’s not a big fan of the crowds and despises the practice of rainbow capitalism

Once gay marriage was legalized, both Kaet and Sephia were the witnesses for Phastos and Ben’s courthouse wedding

Phastos DID try to hide Jack’s adoption…only for Sephia and Kaet to already be in the house when the couple brought him home for the first time and announce themselves as Jack’s godmothers

Their disappointment was imminent and their hearts could only be healed by holding their new godson

It’s just one heart attack after another for Phastos with these two girls around

Ben and Sephia get along so freaking well

They are constantly swapping recipes; Sephia crochets baby clothes and stuffed animals for Jack and Ben sends her the pictures; and whenever Phastos and Ben need a night out or are burned out, Sephia will be right there helping out

Sephia would be the one to tell Jack no matter what, he would always be perfect in her eyes, and teaches him that his differences from others are the things that would also turn into his strengths

Kaet is there bringing the chaos for baby Jack; she’s constantly popping her head into view when he least expects it and makes the sweetest giggles in the universe

One time, Phastos caught Kaet’s shadows tossing Jack in the air with him laughing without a care in world…he fainted

But Ben thought it was cute though so he was cool with it

But Kaet would also be the one to teach Jack the importance of staying true to yourself regardless of the pressure of whatever society may force upon him, and always encourages him to think like a mad genius

Seeing Phastos with his family gave Kaet the little push that made her realize that she really wants to start a family with Druig as well as helping her gain hope for humanity by just being around Ben and Jack

It had always been on the back of her mind, she always liked kids

But she had lost so much faith in humanity and the world around her that she was always putting it off

When she and Druig were pregnant, Kaet immediately set up a conference call with Sephia and Phastos to tell them before the rest of the eternals

When the twins (Laoise and Aisling) were born, Kaet asked Sephia and Phastos if they were willing to be the godparents (along with Makkari and Gilgamesh)

Phastos cried just as hard holding his baby goddaughters for the first time as he did when he first held baby Jack, and cried again when he held his godson a few years later

Phastos also became the godfather for Sephia’s and Ikaris’ kids (he also cried when he held all of their kids)

BTW remember Ikaris' drugged out confession from above?

You can bet your entire life savings that Phastos made sure to record every single glorious second of it and then played it Ikaris’ and Sephia’s wedding as part of his toast

Ikaris’ face turned so fucking red and he just wanted to DIE

Sephia thought it was super cute and funny and reassured him that he is the only one who has seen her boobs like that

There’s someone for everyone lol

Also, Phastos was the one to walk Sephia down the aisle since she looks up to him like he’s her tech-savvy older brother who will always teach her how to use her computer because she is terrible with tech

STEM trio became the STEM Parent Trio

When they get together, they trade gossip whilst sipping wine and watching Bluey and playing that fantasy game when you create a map using rice whilst cuddling with their Squishmallows

One-time all three got so plastered, they designed a whole-ass utopian city with modern technology whilst also being environmentally friendly and also filled with magic and affordable healthcare and reusable energy

Muffin reminds Phastos too much of Kaetlyn back in the old days and he straight up got a war flashback in “Faceytalk” and “The Sleepover”

All that being said and done, despite all the headaches and near heart attacks, there isn’t anything in the world Phastos would trade for Kaetlyn and Sephia; he loves his two crazy sisters more than anything

Whenever Halloween came, it became a tradition that Kaetlyn and Druig would go to Chicago so that Laoise and Aisling would go trick-or-treating with Jack

One year Aisling went as Silena Beauregard, Jack as Charles Beckendorf, and Laoise as Clarisse La Rue from Percy Jackson

Phastos made the lightning staff for Laoise to complete her costume

That was a mistake to say the least

But that’s a story for another time

Tagging: @valeskafics , @ethereal-athalia , @bibissparkles , @spacetalbot , @its-actually-minicika , @ineedmyaccountback , @jediruins , @mistresschaos99 , @vikingqueen28 , @idohknow , @hold-my-dragons

Please like, comment, reblog, or share to anyone you think might like this work! Also let me know if you want to be tagged in the comments!

[myymi]

Do you have any neurodivergent (stimming, sensory processing issues, behaviors, etc.) headcanons for Tails and friends?

YOU.

I HAVE BE WAAAAITING FOR THIS

okok YES.

just team sonic cause i don't have a ton of time djbdjdbd

we'll start with the best boy (because i have the msot for him) ;

Tails

my austisic baby 🫶

stims;

>hand flapsss

>straight up takes flight because he wags his tails too hard

>lil feet kicks if he's sitting on a chair or smthn

>hops, lots of hops

>rocking

>walking on tiptoes

>tappin his pencil

sensory issues;

>velvet is a no.

>if his food has too many flavors in it he gets overwhelmed and cannot eat it

>loud noises and bright lights SUCK

>unaware of normal pain levels (he either feels it 100% or 0%, no in between)

special interests;

>planes !!

>but i like to think there's some, like, really low quality game franchise he loves

>sonic /j

hyperfixations;

>current: chemistry

>old: history of the ark

Sonic

adhd and autistic baby

stims;

>spins in cirxles

>drums on his legs with his fingers

>rapid blinking,,

>tappin foot

sensory issues;

>cotton... he can't touch it, it's so gross

>poor fine motor skills (like writing)

special interest;

>BOOKSSS he loves em

hyperfixations;

>his current one is chao in space

>he used to have one on the game in tails's special interest section djbdjdbrbd

knuckles

autism :]] i wanna say he has ocd too, but i want to research that a bit more before i, like, fully commit to that hc (though, those with it/educated on it more than i am are welcome to share their opinions on it didbdjdn)

stims;

>chews on thingss

>cracking his knuckles n other joints

>humming

sensory issues;

>struggles to focus in busy areas

>overwhelmed by strong sounds

>loud noises djdbjdnf

special interest;

>the master+chaos emeralds

hyperfixation;

>history abt things on the surface

other things;

>while mint is his favorite, chili dogs are tails' comfort food

>he's also super clingy w/ sonic n knuckles

>sonic's a visual thinkr

>knuckles tends to be kinda unaware of awkward moments

>meanwhile; tails is hyper-aware of awkward moments

>they all go non verbal at times

>sonic has low/no empathy

>tails has high empathy

>they all struggle with normal society stuff djebejd it's confusing

>tails pays a lot of attention to details

>they all struggle with maintaining eye contact, but sonic struggles the most

all of them are diagnosed by tails because doctor visits are rough for them

(basically i headcanon that doctors are kinda more worried about what makes sonic, tails, n knuckles so different from tiger mobians rather than focusing on making them better {it sucks being rlly different sometimes})

[freemindedspirit]

PAC-tan sonyeondan

A healing message from a BTS member

This BTS themed pick a card is a collaboration with @seulboya , I’m doing the messages from the rap line while she does the vocal line !

A good thing about this pac, is you can pick as many piles as you want !You can pick your bias, or go with your intuition, even read all seven if that’s what you’d like !

As usual, for entertainment purposes only

Namjoon:

I know it has hurt you, these repetitive comments about how dumb or naive you are,how you’re stupid or you should have known better,how it should have been obvious.I know how deep this wound run within you.I see how your pain drives your passion for your job/studies, how you’re neglecting your health and well-being to get the success you want, the success you’re showing off to them or to the voices in your head that still tell you you’re worthless.You’re doing everything you can to prove them wrong,even though you don’t need to.It has gone to the point where you’re unable to let yourself relax or enjoy the fruits of your labor.You wanna keep going, you enjoy this too much.The figure of the all powerful workaholic, underdog to king, many tools and skills to their disposal.It drives you even more than your anger and your hurt.You want to be capable, skilled, and even more so, you want it to be obvious to them.The fact that things are going so slowly right now is driving you insane,but it’s done on purpose.How long are you gonna keep chasing this perfectionist ideal, where your mind and your skills will be so undeniable no one will ever criticize them again ?You can’t.You won’t.The universe won’t let you.Your soul family won’t let you,your spirit team either.Now that I can tell you about it, I won’t either.Listen to me, you deserve rest, okay ?You need rest, and relaxation, and pauses and breaks.You need all that, and deserve that at all times.By the way, stop putting off your meals to after you’ve done your work, it’s not healthy.Same thing for water.This pause is meant for you to finally take the time to meet yourself, someone you haven’t seen a while and has changed a lot, and is now dying to talk to you.It’s for you to enjoy the work you already put, not put in even more work.The results will come, don’t worry about it.They always do, often even in unexpected ways.The universe wants you to be able to enjoy it when you reach your peaks.Take your time, slow down, take it easy.Do it yourself or the universe will make you, and it might not be as nice about it, okay ?

Good, thank you for talking with me today, take care of yourself, alright kid ?

Goodbye 👋🏽

Things that may resonate: bullying, neurodivergency (autism, ADHD,dyslexia),burn out, college, workaholism I heard time and flower

(Fool Rv,6 of wands,9 of Pentacles Rv,Magician,Knight of Pentacles Rv.Ace of swords )

*whispers* Suga :

(He insisted on the whisper)

« I find incredible how much you have grown and healed since then.Obviously, healing and growth never really stop but you know, you made progress and I’m proud of you.You are light years away from who you used to be when you were under their complete control,co-dependent or smothered/trapped/controlled.You’re so used to carry everything on your own, don’t do that.I promise there are people out there who are or will be willing to help you, who wants you to rely on them.If they aren’t here yet, they’re about to come.You may feel like it’s you against the world right now, but it’s not true.You have a team, go find it.Your strength, bravery and determination have always been your strongest points, but it’s okay to put it down sometimes,it’s okay to cry,to break down, to make mistakes.You May feel very lost right now,and that’s okay too.You don’t have to figure it out all on your own,even if you like being your own guide and forging your own path, I promise you don’t have to do it alone.

Your team is waiting for you, we want to see your entire potential! :)

Take care

PS:sleep more,you coward ;)

Things that may resonate: immediately heard mommy issues and toxic family, possibly toxic siblings, growth, feeling alone, running away from home, emancipation, living on your own for the first time in your 20s,looking for a roommate or your soul family

(The Empress Rv,three of pentacles,seven of wands,10 of wands,nine of wands,The Hierophant

Hobi:

« You’re clutching so hard onto what you own and what you built,you’re becoming painfully greedy.This is unfair, to you and to those who assisted you.You may not feel like anyone did, but in this world we can’t reach everything on our own,there is always a point where you need to be thankful for something you had someone else never did.I know things are going so fast lately,too fast, too hard, too soon.You’re afraid.I understand.But you can do it.You’re good at it,I believe in you.Where has gone your belief in yourself ?It used to be your motor, now you’re stuck, only trying to escape the feeling of disconnect from peers, from reality.You’re not even sure if you want to leave this state.It’s hard to, I understand.This mechanism is meant to help you when you feel in danger, but now it’s holding you back.You need to let go of coping mechanisms that don’t serve you anymore.Step by step.Just make the first one,it’s the hardest one, recognize it’s not helping you.Seek help, look it up online, search new coping mechanism.The first step,then another,then another.You’ll be fine.I believe in you.You can do it.One foot in front of the other, don’t focus on the finish line just yet,I promise you’ll get there on time.

Remember, one step in front of the other,that’s all you need to focus on, alright ?

Your hope »

Four of pentacles, eight of wands reversed,knights of wands, four of cups,page of pentacles,knight of pentacles

Things that may resonate: MALADAPTIVE DAYDREAMING, shifting,social anxiety, the song daydream, reading as a coping mechanism, fanfiction as a coping mechanism, I’m sorry but this might be the pile of people clutching onto the idea of dating a member to escape their irl problems or obsessively reading BTS tarot as a procrastination method 💀

[badgerstep]

on one hand i 100% don’t trust the erin hunter team as it stands now to ever write a disabled character even a quarter of the way decently

on the other hand i desperately want to see more cats with disabilities in general. more cats with birth defects, cats with cerebellar hypoplasia, cats who develop arthritis young and stop being able to use their paws or move without pain, cats who are vision impaired or hard of hearing, cats with neurodivergence, cats born without one of their limbs, cats born with extra limbs, cats with tails that are too short for balancing properly, cats with impaired sense of smell and taste, cats with intellectual disabilities, cats with sensory processing disorders, cats with dissociative disorders, cats who deal with psychosis, cats who are born disabled, cats who become disabled later in life,

and just. there’s such a wealth of information on all different kinds of cats with all different kinds of disabilities. there’s myriad stories to tell there.

but the writing team is so tightly bound to their ableist ideas of what makes a good character and what makes a cat At All that they get ignored.

and idk about you but . sometimes i would rather be seen depicted poorly than ignored completely.

[xtwinfantasy]

Dream About Me

(Chapter 7) (Mason Mount/Kai Havertz)

pairing: Mason Mount / Kai Havertz (m/m)

summary: The team had its best season in a long time; qualification for European tournaments was almost in Chelsea FC's hands. The problems came right at the end of the season, when their young star player had to leave training due to the sudden death of his father, and when came back, he seemed to lose all his ability on the ball, as well as the person he used to be.

Mason starts the next season trying to get his life back on track and put the pain of that summer behind him, but everything changes when Chelsea's newest player, Kai Havertz, appears in his life. And in his dreams too… Is he dreaming?

Now, his new teammate will flip his world upside down in the craziest ways he could have ever imagined.

tags: Slow burn romance, Crush at first sight, Eventual fluff, Romantic comedy, Awkward flirting, Dreams (or not?), Late night conversations, References to depression, Grief/Mourning, Psychological drama, Drama & romance, kinda AU but not really, Mysterious Kai lol, Additional Tags to Be Added.

Start reading on:

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

CHAPTER 7

After games at Stamford Bridge, traffic in the city was always a mess, and even more so when they coincidentally clashed with the home games of Arsenal, causing a complete mess on London's main thoroughfares. The complex of buildings in which most of the young men in the team rented flats was not too far from the stadium, usually taking only twenty or thirty minutes to get home by bus, but on special occasions like that, the time could stretch to two whole hours, even when Ben had offered to give him a lift.

—Hey, Ben —Mason called from the passenger seat. He wasn't looking at him, but at the traffic, at the cars almost completely stopped next to them, perhaps to keep him from noticing that his curiosity was less casual than he intended to make it seem— Can I ask you a question?

The older man raised an eyebrow.

—Uh, sure. What's the matter?

—Well, it just occurred to me... How do you know if a person is neurodivergent? 

The horns of the cars around them blared from time to time over the music they were listening to, chosen by the car's owner, who lowered the volume a little before replying.

—You don't mean you, do you? 

—No! No, no, no, actually it's just a bit of a, a curiosity about someone else, okay?

—Well, I want to clarify first that it would be unethical to talk to you about this being about you, let alone right now.

—It's not about me, seriously, it's not.

—Okey —He nodded, as the car moved forward under the green light at the traffic light. —Well, it's a little hard to answer that one, Mase. Neurodivergences are, in fact, very diverse, so they have very different kinds of particularities, and there are levels of functionality between the different types of neurodivergences, so it's very difficult to define common characteristics. The only thing I could tell you is that all neurodivergent people have mental and cognitive processes that do differ from the norm, but they don't always affect the same interactions with other people. 

—Uh, so... Would it be possible for a neurodivergent person to have processes that affect...?

—Any aspect could be affected, but not necessarily in a negative way, just different from other people.

—And they... Do they realise that they are different?

—They can, it depends very much on the way their mental and cognitive processes work. Also, if they do, some neurodivergent people make great efforts to hide the characteristics of their neurodivergence in their relationships with other people.

—Oh. Hiding it to prevent people from knowing that they are neurodivergent? 

—Yes, just as some people hide their ethnicity or sexual orientation, but that also depends on whether they want to do it or not. Some people find it too burdensome to have to do it all the time and may simply decide not to do it.

—Or do it only sometimes?

It made sense the way he had imagined it, and yet, taking into account the differences Ben had just mentioned, he felt completely inexperienced enough to even believe that he was now sure of the reasons for Kai's behaviour. It could explain a lot of things, but he wasn't going to ask Kai, was he?

—Yes, or only sometimes —he nodded. The older man was silent for a few seconds as they moved through traffic, but he had to speak again, this time looking at Mason— So, are you going to tell me who this is about?

—Uh, well... It's, it's something I've been trying to start talking to Jack about in therapy, I don't know if he's told you anything about it.

—We don't do that, dumbass —he laughed— He hasn't talked to me about any of it, at all, so I'm listening.

—It's bullshit, honestly, and I’m a bit embarrassed talking abut boy problems, but it’s Kai. Kai Havertz. 

—Oh. You think he might be neurodivergent?

—Well, there are a lot of things that make me wonder... stuff about him.

— "Stuff"? So there are updates on this, huh? —he smiled— I'm ready to hear all about it.

—As a psychologist or as a professional busybody?

—As your best mate who you might want to give an update on your life. 

—Well, I definitely owe you that, but it's not my fault, you should take me home more often after games —he joked, changing the music in the car to one of the suggestions he'd added to the playlist. At the same time, he took advantage of that space of silent time to plan his next words— I think... Maybe I should tell you all over again from the beginning, now that more things have happened.

—You're killing me with curiosity, Mase.

Mason wasn't an expert at summing things up, and though he'd tried in the previous session with Jack, now that he was under no time pressure whatsoever, he'd been able to tell Ben everything he felt about it, every detail he'd noticed since meeting Kai and how much was really going through his mind when he was with him. From the time when he'd wondered how much he could follow his instincts back when he still thought he'd dreamt it all, to now, when his visits had been a regular occurrence for a couple of weeks now and he felt much less and less surprised to see him show up on his doorstep, though his heartbeat didn't take it quite so quietly.

It took a while and some extra explanation to make Ben understand, but he managed after a while.

—You mean...? Okay, I'm not going to assume anything, so... How do you feel about him? —Ben asked. They were now in the living room of Mount's flat after finally arriving in the building only a couple of minutes ago. On the clock, the hands read eleven o'clock at night, the television was showing some reality show they weren't paying attention to, and in front of them both rested two glasses of juice.

—Uh, well, I mean, I haven't wondered about that at all. Who does?

—Everybody, Mason —he smiled. 

—Well, I don't know, I mean... Uh, okay, I think Kai's nice, he's a good person and... I like him a lot, he's someone really nice to be around —he said, shrugging. He didn't notice the insistent look Ben gave him after he said that, until it turned into a sneer— I don't have anything else to say, Ben, I, I think he's really cool.

—Well, if that's what feels right for you to say, that's fine. I think it's safe to say you're friends now, don't you?

—Uh, yeah, I think so. Yeah, we are. 

—Well, I'm glad. It's been a while since you've had a new friendship, and especially over the time your psychological process has taken. I think it's a positive development.

—Yes, well, the problem isn't really there. It's clear to me that we're friends, I suppose, but... I just wonder why he pretends that we're not sometimes. I wonder why he acts so different sometimes, in general, because it doesn't make sense in my mind, you know? And that makes me think that maybe his mind and my mind are different, I guess.

—Well, no two people are the same, Mase. So, do you think this could all be a sign that he's a neurodivergent person?

—I don't know, you're the psychologist. 

Ben didn't hide a wry chuckle at the comment.

—I'm a psychologist, not a fucking fortune teller, man —he said, pushing aside the ice cubes so he could sip from his glass— If you wanted to get a proper diagnosis, I'd have to diagnose him directly, and that would probably take some time. But, listen, it shouldn't necessarily have to be about neurodivergence, it could just be the way he is, or there could be some cultural reason, although it's also possible that he is indeed neurodivergent. Actually, I think it's important for you to know that, whatever the reason for his behaviour, that's not the issue here, the issue is how you feel about it.

His words, followed by a long silence, echoed in the other's mind. And his gaze could not help but sadden as he remembered that perhaps this was something he should worry about, or at least think about. He had been avoiding it, and he liked the idea of continuing to avoid it better.

—Uh... I mean, I... it's confusing to me. It obviously baffles me at times, but, really, I don't think he has any wrong motive for this. I don't want to misjudge him, anyway. Besides, why would I have to think about it so much? We're just friends, you know?

—Yeah —he smiled— I know, you're friends, that was clear to both of us the entire way. But, you know, Mason, people worry about their relationship with their friends too, it's normal.

—Yeah, well... I know. I know, it's just... It's a bit confusing, that's just because Kai is actually quite a strange person.

—Is that good or bad?

—It's weird. But I like spending time with him.

—Well, if he's here so often, he probably likes to spend time with you too. Relax —he smiled kindly. His mate, sitting across from him, was silent for a few seconds, his hand twirling his phone on the table. Sometimes, that kind of thought reminded him that maybe he made things a lot bigger in his mind—. Hey, but he's not coming to visit you right now, is he?

Mason smiled.

—No, no. I don't think so, he didn't say anything to me about it —he was about to remain silent without another word, but something inside him was urging him to talk more about it. Maybe it was his own mind, and if he was going to think about his teammate, maybe he'd rather do it with someone else— Hey, can I tell you something?

—You know you can, what's going on? 

—Sorry to keep going on about it, but... well, last week...

Read full chapter on AO3

[nonbayanary]

ok but guys, consider: autistic hiruma

chewing gum all the time is one of hiruma’s stims.

he also loves pressure stimming, particularly when he’s sleeping in a brotherly puppy pile w/ kurita, cerberus, and musashi.

sometimes, hiruma lays prone on the floor. it’s his silent invitation to cerberus, telling the dog to lie on his back. and cerberus does so, curling up, with his head right between hiruma’s shoulder blades. and gradually, cerberus’ weight lulls hiruma to a peaceful sleep.

when hiruma types on his laptop, it’s loud. bcs he loves the audio stim of the keys clacking.

he likes drumming his fingers on the table as a stim. mostly bcs it’s also an intimidation tactic.

for years, hiruma analyzed how neurotypical ppl behave, which is why he’s so good at masking, and reading ppl’s tells. like he rlly worked hard, and put in so much effort into understanding the neurotypical mind.

which is why hiruma instantly knows when someone is neurodivergent, after interacting with them a few times.

when hiruma was younger, he chose one archetype of person to imitate, and stuck to it. it made masking all the more easier to do when ppl expected him to behave in some sort of way. and he chose the “devilish bad boy” vibes to give off, bcs it meant less ppl would expect him to adhere to social norms and niceties.

hiruma’s hyperfixated on five things: american football, blackmail, gambling, cybercrimes, and how to care for dogs. (the last one is his latest hyperfixation, after he practically adopted cerberus).

one of hiruma’s greatest investments is this: bluetooth earbuds. like, hiruma thinks bluetooth is one of humankind’s best inventions, especially since everything is just so fucking loud

hiruma’s mastered silence, to mask his auditory processing disorder. he’s also gotten used to lip reading, which has come in handy a lotta times. 

when someone says something, and it takes hiruma a little longer to process, he just eerily stares at the person to unsettle them. ppl think it’s an intimidation tactic—which, yes it is. but more importantly, hiruma uses the eeriness of his silence to process what he just heard bcs, “what did this fucker just say, my brain is still loading goddamit—”

hiruma prefers having a few close friends, as opposed to a lot of friends. bcs having a lot of friends is just so taxing, especially w all the social norms he has to adhere to.

most of the time, hiruma is touch-averse. especially to strangers. no one is allowed to fucking touch him, if it isn’t an in-game tackle. the only exceptions are his bros kurita, musashi, and cerberus.

when hiruma gets excited, he has trouble controlling the volume of his voice. especially his manic laughter. 

he fidgets with his guns a lot, bcs he likes the texture of the metal beneath his hands. normal ppl have fidget cubes, but hiruma has fidget guns.

a lot of the time, hiruma prefers poring over his laptop rather than eating with his team. that’s bcs he hates the texture of the food they’re eating. he would rather eat a bullet than feel the uncomfortable texture of that specific type of food on his tongue.

when hiruma’s hyperfocused, he doesn’t notice that hours have flown by, only until after he surfaces from the task at hand. most of the time, this means he stays awake into the ungodly hours of the night with his eyes glued onto his laptop screen.

hiruma usually wears the same outfits bcs he likes the texture of the cloth, and how they feel on his skin. since he usually wears plain, dark colors —mostly black — a lot of people don’t notice.

hiruma loves gum bcs he likes its texture against his tongue, and bcs he can fidget with it. 

hiruma has reduced pain sensitivity. which means he doesn’t feel pain as intensely as others. he’s pretty proud of this, as his high threshold for pain comes in useful when he plays american football.

hiruma’s high tolerance for pain helped him out a lot when he got his eyebrows tattooed. even though it did hurt like hell during the tattoo session, he knows it would have hurt like a motherfucking cuntass bitch if his threshold for pain were any lower.

when hiruma has meltdowns, he fucking goes all out with his artillery. which is what makes ppl all the more afraid to anger him, bcs when hiruma’s truly pissed off, he verges on actual homicide.

hiruma’s space is incredibly messy bcs he likes hoarding things, but he knows where each item is exactly placed. move anything, and he will put a gun to your head.

often, a lot of people think that hiruma seems to have an encyclopedic memory. but nah, hiruma just has an exceptional long term memory. when he zones out sometimes, he may not exactly remember what happened a few minutes ago. but he’s often able to remember events that took place years ago, in vivid detail.

hiruma is constantly monitoring his own voice and body language. but this takes a toll on him, since masking 24/7 is exhausting as fuck. luckily, he doesn’t have to mask around kurita, musashi, and cerberus.

solving puzzles stimulates his mind. and he applies this by seeing people as puzzles to analyze until he can solve the mystery of their behavior.

hiruma has insomnia. he has super loud alarms, and a lot of them, to ensure that he wakes up early. unfortunately, this means he’s usually in a shitty mood during mornings.

hiruma could give less of a shit about gender. so when hiruma’s going undercover to get information, he doesn’t mind wearing skirts, dresses, or wigs. fuck social norms and gender norms!!!

(yes, y’all can definitely use this prompt!!!  /gen)

[chemicalcain]

Pls tell me about the "fucked up house" wip

i wrote a really long answer about this and then my computer turned itself off and the post was lost. tumblr draft autosaves when

"Fucked up house" is essentially a loose collection of notes about the fact that I love haunted house stories and have never written one. First, it's noteworthy that I have a pretty broad definition of a haunted house story. Ghosts or spirits don't actually have to be present. But there are some essential key factors I've managed to identify that capture the vibe of ghost stories as I understand them.

1) The characters are contained within the outer bounds of the setting

The setting might be a single house, a specific estate, a cave system, or an isolated town. The characters might be kept in place by literal walls, by a job contract, by familial ties, or by any number of other motivations. In any case, the inhabitants are trapped, and by the end of the first act, they know they cannot leave.

2) The environment is unnaturally hostile to the inhabitants

Though it might appear pleasant at first glance, the environment is wrong in some way. It may have stairs that are too steep or too narrow, rooms that seem larger than their outside walls, hallways that seem to loop in on themselves. (Or you could have a more stereotypical haunting: bleeding walls, spooky noises, etc.) As the story extends, the hostility becomes more overt, with physical dangers presenting themselves.

3) The environment isolates the inhabitants

Physically or emotionally, the occupants lose touch with the outside world. They might be a long way from the nearest town, isolated physically. Or they might be restricted in how they can communicate with others, experiencing things that make it impossible to connect. Often, each inhabitant becomes isolated from the others, as well.

4) The hostile environment brings out the inhabitants' worst tendencies

The inhabitants may start to turn on each other, blaming the others for the pain and wrongness they feel. In some cases, they may manage to emotionally contextualize this and grow as a team. In other cases, they fight amongst themselves and lose whatever progress they had made.

5) The environment reveals its secrets and history slowly, if at all

No one goes into the haunted house knowing the truth of it, even if they think they do. The reader/viewer, in particular, doesn't learn everything until the very end; usually a lot is left to the imagination. The first act only ever raises questions.

By that definition, here are some of my favorite haunted house stories:

The Haunting of Hill House

Portal

Control

Star Trek TNG: "Remember Me"

Beetlejuice

The Thing

Turn of the Screw is sometimes described as the "first haunted house book," but it doesn't fit my definition. The environment brings peace to the inhabitants, and they band together against the threat of the ghosts, until a tragic ending. The ghosts are the only hostile aspect of the environment, and the governess stops being actively afraid of them halfway through the book. I don't really think the ghosts were haunting the house, either; it's much more interesting if they were haunting the children.

After all that talk about hauntings, I do have some actual notes about the WIP. Some themes and motifs I'm interested in exploring:

Transness and the loss of the past, keeping one eye on your abandoned former self, old letters written to a stranger

Found family, finding familiarity in neurodivergence and queerness, self-recognition through the other

Lack of a stable future, the search for hope to carry on

The inevitable, deadly march of time

The monsters aren't who you think they are

One version I was poking at was a "magic baby boarding school" situation kinda like My Hero Academia or X-Men, where kids with weird abilities were sent to a secretive government facility. I don't know if that's the version I want to continue, but I liked the characters, so they might stick around. My favorite part of the notes is this descriptive item on a character. "Power: 20 foot wingspan"

[tsuki-sennin]

Maaaaan, First Love Hero should never have been cancelled, Broken Heart Night sucks. ...I wonder if we'll get to meet the mangaka at this week's festival! ...to be clear, I want to meet Kiito-sensei, not the other one.

Anyways here's Donbrothers Episode 22! Spoilers, I guess...

-Ah yeah, manga fans. Very safe.

-Pitch Black Academy.

-Haruka.... Kanata.

-Homegirl really rode her self-insert to the top, we stan.

-Ew.

-...I mean, I can't blame Haruka entirely, this almost seems like an ideal writing environment for me personally.

-Ahhhhh, New Term, new arc!

-Yeah I'm with Sonoza here, what the hell?

-OH MY GOD HARUKA'S NEW STUDENTS ARE HER TEAMMATES

-...and Sonoi, but

-T

-Tsuyoshi, oh my god

-This is brilliant.

-...and to think I thought of Haruka as the braincell of the team at the start of the season.

-Oh my god, Sononi/Oni Sister Team Up.

-Oh yeah, Jirou.

-He's feral.

-"I'm sooooooooooorry, I have to go sicko mode!"

-Oh my god Tarou.

-"We need this man! He's very funny and st"

-My name is Don Dragoku!

-The Don clan...

-Brothers in arms.

-"Onii-chan! :D"

-"Ototo... :o"

-Cicada.

-"Noooooo :("

-Oh my God, Haruka.

-NOOO NOT TSUYOSHI LEAVE THE MAN ALONE

-I read a post on here, can't exactly remember from who, saying that Tarou felt like an analogue for neurodivergent children. ...I feel like everybody in the main cast is that to an extent, but I think Sonoza especially fits this mold right now. Think about it, he develops a hyperfixation on this otherwise extremely random short-runner manga that's been reduced to a punchline plagued with controversy, and he's using it as a method to learn how to sort out his own feelings. That tends to happen with autistic children, speaking from firsthand experience. He doesn't experience or understand emotions the same way allistic folk would expect or want him to, and because of that, he very easily alienates the people around him as he seeks guidance.

-Donbrothers makes me feel things, and feel them deeply.

-Humans fall in love for all sorts of reasons, Sonoza. Sometimes it even just kinda happens.

-We bonded!

-This rich dude... he looks familiar, where do I know him from?

-Ok, this man is apparently played by Tet Wada. Apparently he was in Sex and the City II and Royal Pains, which're all definitely things I've seen.

-Daaaaamn, he had dinner out.

-Wow, he's been winning all this time.

-"You're kinda boring, Goda-san."

-3-3-5! Oh, this guy's definitely Denji-ki.

-He's an epic gamer.

-Magical Girl Haruka!

-Oh my god, Bishoujo Kamen Onitrine.

-B

-Banana

-Baron da?

-It's a slump of a festival! We all just wanna go eating and fighting!

-Corporate bastard.

-OH FUCK SONOZA FOUND IT

-You could say "Once upon a time" to this man, I guess.

-"Haruka, where the FUCK have you been? Did you get kidnapped again?"

-OH MY GOD TAROU YOU NEARLY SHOT THAT OFFICE WOMAN

-H

-Haruka, you hjklh;hl.

-"Is that me?"

-Haruka, don't do that

-Oh god, Naoki Shiina real.

-B

-Bun

-I wanna hold off on cursing them out, but you've probably noticed that I have a rather low opinion on them.

-Rightfully so, I feel.

-Good luck, Haruka-san.

-They don't even speak, huh? Really dedicated to this gimmick.

-Wonder if thee's somehing bad.

-Sononiiiii!

-Oh nice, they're friends.

-"Yeah, this is pretty epic."

-Oh my god, beef stroganoff.

-"It tastes like fuck."

-Shinichi, I don't think CEO Man wants a Haiku.

-Oh

-Well, ok!

-AVATAR CHANGE YES

-Ooooooh, Fiveman! Five Guys, Burgers and Fries.

-Poor Jirou :(

-Hell yeah man, get up!

-Man, this action's so cool.

-"Cool Story Bro!"

-Our story reaches its climax, it seems!

-Wahahaha!

-We're back in cyberspace.

-Awoooooo!

-Tsuyoshi and Tarou confirmed non furry.

-Ooooooh, Kyoryu Gold! Hell yeah Jirou.

-You deed it!

-...where he at?

-Peachyyy!

-"GIVE ME ROBOT POWER!"

-I swear to god, if you don't give your employees massive raises...

-Shiina Naoki...

-Ohhh

-Oh no, Tsubasa's stuck.

-Dog man forever.

-Jirou robot confirmed :o?

-Okay, while we're still here, I have a theory about Naoki.

-It is my belief that Naoki is an entirely artificial entity created by whatever force is compelling the Donbrothers to fight, and their purpose is to anger and goad Haruka into doing what this force wants. Think about it, the rebranding of their doujin to ride off of Haruka's success, getting all the fame and fortune she wanted, being so far above Haruka's apparent skill level that they even predict how she throws tosses the manuscript in frustration... all of it seems deliberate in making her mad and forcing her to grow up as a character.

-When Haruka gave up her powers in Episode 10, Naoki Shiina was nowhere to be seen, perhaps suggesting that they were specifically part of her curse. There's also how little we see of them otherwise. Their secretive nature aside, we only see their one work, with nothing suggesting that they even did anything else, and thus have so little clout that it's a miracle this complete nobody took on a huge publishing company and won.

-Something else worth noting is that Shinichi called Haruka's OniSister form a rabbit all the way back in Episode 3, and now we have what's essentially an anti-Haruka represented as a rabbit... this is 5D chess on Inoue's part, I swear.

-Anyways, enough straining my brain, I'm going to destress by listening to Don't Boo for a few hours </3.

[purplespaceace]

very few characters actually have adhd in media, and when they do, what people mean by that is just that they fidget a lot, not that they have adhd. the only character with adhd I can think of where I’ve watched/read it and I’ve gone, “oh, this character actually has adhd” is Jake peralta from Brooklyn 99. so, here’s my take on how to write adhd, with examples from Brooklyn 99.

I’ll do the best I can to separate them into three categories; the three things people look for in adults with ADHD, which are rejection sensitivity dysphoria, an interest-based nervous system, and emotional hyperarousal.

I’ll also randomly bold and italicize bits so people with ADHD can actually read it.

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, or RSD

Rejection sensitivity dysphoria makes people with ADHD overly sensitive to criticism, even if they perceive a rejection and there actually isn’t one. Their emotions are also very strong generally. Because of RSD, people with ADHD become people-pleasers and can develop anxiety because they’re so eager to please.

For me, RSD makes me cry an embarrassing amount for any little reason. in your writing, make your characters overdramatic, criers, and/or people-pleasers. They’ll have trouble saying no. They may also be over competitive, as their perceived rejection may include losing.

how does Jake show this in b99? When Jake comes up with a catchphrase and Rosa says it’s terrible, jake is far more hurt than he should be. He hates losing, and he gets overly upset whenever someone says they don’t like him or don’t trust him, etc. he’s also a people pleaser who has trouble saying no.

An interest-based nervous system

An interest-based nervous system includes hyperfocuses and an inability to pay attention. It stems from the fact that we can’t make as much dopamine as neurotypicals. This means that while neurotypicals get dopamine after completing a task, people with ADHD don’t. That means that people with ADHD don’t have any reason to do tasks, especially those they don’t like. This leads to executive dysfunction—people with ADHD will know they have to or want to do something, but they can’t seem to do it. people with ADHD hyperfocus on things that bring them dopamine. I was obsessed with warrior cats for three years. But hyperfocuses can also last a short amount of time—I’ll have a drawing idea in the middle of class and won’t be able to concentrate on anything else before I finish it. this is where our impulsiveness comes from. we can leap into things we think will give us dopamine without thinking, which can lead to injury. We also tend to tell people personal things they don’t want to hear because of this, and don’t have very good boundaries. We sometimes say whatever comes into our head, which can also result in us being rude on accident. Our voices can also get very loud or we can interrupt people frequently because we’re so impulsive. When people with ADHD hyperfocus, they can forget about anything else. I’ll forget to eat if I’m busy reading a Wikipedia article about feminism in the 1850s, and won’t go to the bathroom or drink water either. It’s also important to note that taking away distractions doesn’t help, because we can do things like pick at our skin and daydream—something that people with ADHD do a lot of. Because of executive dysfunction, people can call people with ADHD lazy or irresponsible.

people with ADHD can also be extremely indecisive because ADHD affects our executive functioning, and making decisions requires planning and prioritizing, and task initiation, which are both executive functions!

people with ADHD also have poor memory for important things, but tend to remember random bits of trivia. Poor memory leads to object permanence problems, which means people with ADHD can forget to call a friend back for weeks, forget that they need to read library books in a closed cabinet, or forget that the vegetables they got will go bad. People can sometimes say that people with ADHD don’t care about anything because of this.

people with ADHD can also be prone to depression because of under or overstimulation. Boredom feels painful for people with ADHD. If we’re overstimulated, we can experience sensory overload—if things are too bright or too loud, if too many things are touching us at once—often it’s not because the thing is too intense, but because too many things are happening at once.

We also have something some people call dolphin brain, where we jump from one thing to another. From the outside, it looks really random, but I find that when I’m talking to another neurodivergent communication is generally easier. For instance, someone with ADHD might see a bee at a baseball field and tell their team about the time they saw whales at seaworld because their little brother was also stung by a wasp there. people will see no connection on the outside, but it makes perfect sense to the person with ADHD.

people with ADHD can also be overachievers, either because they hyperfocus on schoolwork or their RSD makes it so that failing at something isn’t an option. people with ADHD can also be very controlling and stubborn, probably because we hyperfocus on something and cant handle it being any different, and any change to our plans can be seen as rejection.

we can also have a hard time ordering our thoughts or doing stuff like math in our head. a lot of the time I number my thoughts like, 1. this reason, 2. this reason, etc. even if theres only two or sometimes I just need the 1. as a transition for my brain. when I don’t write it down or organize it like that it feels like I’m trying to grasp ropes that have been covered in oil (it’s not going to happen) and then my brain gets all jumbled and I have to restart at the beginning. this is probably just me, but it feels the same way when I’m reading long paragraphs of something uninteresting, or even short bits of historical documents because the way they phrase things is really pompous and hard to process.

also, stuff like caffeine calms us down and helps us focus. people who don’t take medication (me) often drink coffee or caffeinated sodas to focus.

another random tip, but if your character with ADHD also is genderfluid or genderflux, they might have a hard time figuring out their gender sometimes, because we can be known to have a hard time putting our feelings into words or our brains will just go, “nope, not thinking about that right now” and move on, which can be pretty frustrating.

people with adhd also have a trait called time blindness, where we have no idea how long something takes and therefore can’t manage our time very well. this often results in us being late or just sitting around the house because we got ready way too early.

we also have something called consequence blindness—we do things and are completely unaware of the consequences. if I don’t brush my teeth, I get cavities. but I don’t think about that when I’m deciding I’m too tired to brush my teeth.

in b99, jake regularly stays up all night solving cases and watches documentaries on random topics. He’s also very distractible—when they’re trying to find the person who sent Captain Holt death threats in the train yard, Jake says he and captain holt should take a train trip together sometime. Jake says that he’ll forget Amy if they don't work together because he’s like a goldfish.

Emotional hyperarousal

This is the only thing people tend to include when writing characters: the fidgeting. People with ADHD tend to need more stimulation than others, so we’ll do things like draw during class and chew on pens.

people with ADHD can also have apd, or auditory processing disorder. we tend to watch shows with subtitles on and may take a second to process what you’re saying, or hear it wrong. The subtitles thing may be partially do to creating just the right amount of stimulation, but if I don’t have subtitles, me and my other friends with ADHD will watch tv with the volume turned up very high. People with ADHD also can have a hard time interpreting other people‘s tone and have a hard time controlling their own. They can be bad at social cues and have poor manners because we don’t pick up on that stuff.

people with ADHD also tend to observe everything or nothing at any given time, mostly based on the amount of stimulation they have—if they dont have a lot in their main task, they’ll need to take in something else at the same time. Likewise, if I’m hyperfocusing on something I often don’t notice anything else, like if someone asks me a question.

in b99, Jake fidgets with things a lot. In the intro, he’s picking up and examining a figurine on his desk, likely because he was bored with paperwork or some other task.

[imagining-in-the-margins]

Masterlist of Fics by Category

If you're looking for my S.R. SFW Masterlist, please look here. If you're looking for my S.R. NSFW Masterlist, please look here. If you're looking for my Works in Progress, please look here. If you're looking for Other MGG Characters, please look here.

This directory exists for those who are interested in reading a certain kind of story. All of the following are also available on my Masterlists, but not all stories from my Masterlists will be located here (there will also be fics in multiple categories). Thus, I recommend you peruse my full lists of works sometime!

If you notice a trend in my fics and would like me to add a category, please let me know here!

Until then, I hope you enjoy the categories that cater to you ❤️

Please note that the lists below include all MGG characters and all genres, meaning fluff, angst, and smut. Smut fics will be marked with * (Minors DNI). Please also check the content warnings of all fics if you are sensitive to any topics.

Age Gap

Here to Misbehave*: Spencer meets a girl he can’t get enough of at the nightclub, then quickly realizes she is not supposed to be there.

The Birds & The Bees*: Reader interviews for a position as Dr. Spencer Reid’s Teaching Assistant, and Spencer learns something special about her.

It’s Personal: Reader reminds Spencer’s team that it’s never appropriate to ask someone for their age, even if they’re dating their coworker.

Studious Shadow: Reader’s crush won’t stop avoiding her at work and she thinks he might hate her.

My Boss’s Daughter*: Spencer’s fling with his boss’s daughter is definitely going to get him fired.

Teacher’s Pet*: Reader insists on being a problem for her favorite Professor.

Student/Teacher

The Birds & The Bees*: Reader interviews for a position as Dr. Spencer Reid’s Teaching Assistant, and Spencer learns something special about her.

Style Theory: Fashion Student!Reader meets their favorite scholar and teaches him a lesson in self-love.

Quid Pro Quo: Spencer is entranced by the law student in his class.

Forbidden Fruit: When Professor Reid falls in love with a student, he learns why Adam choked on the Forbidden Fruit.

Dead Air: Professor Reid is hesitant to be a guest on his old student’s true crime video series, but is surprised to find it’s not so bad.

Teacher’s Pet*: Reader insists on being a problem for her favorite Professor.

Study Session*: Spencer really hates his student, but he can’t resist her.

Messy Lessons*: When another student gets a little too familiar with Spencer, Reader claims her territory.

Dark & Unsub Spencer

Ribcage: Spencer realizes Reader is the one, but it might be too late. He has to find her.

Lily of the Valley*: Spencer was found guilty but mentally ill after the torture and murder of several men. He finds solace in his psychiatrist at the institution.

Dark Side*: Spencer in a prison jumpsuit is just too hard to resist.

Protege*: Spencer learns something very interesting about his friend when a prolific serial killer winds up dead.

Disabled & Neurodivergent Reader

Different Dialects: Autistic!Reader. Spencer is trying to tell Reader he likes her, but it feels like they speak entirely different languages.

Funny Thing Fate: Autistic!Reader is tipsy and lost in D.C. when she spots a man she thinks might be able to help.

Porcelain: Autistic!Reader has a meltdown in the cafe. Luckily, there is a Dr. Reid nearby.

All Mixed Up: Dyslexic!Reader struggles to order at the restaurant, so Spencer helps them through it.

Fragile: (Arm Crutches) Spencer has to stay behind on a case and gets to know the new technical analyst.

Diamonds: Spencer comforts Reader when they have a bad pain day.

Baggage Claim: Autistic!Reader is having a hard time at the airport.

Reader with Other Specific Traits

Pipsqueak: The only thing shorter than Reader is their patience.

Pair of Aces: This Pride month, Asexual!Reader decides to share something with the team.

Honeysuckle Hair: Spencer has some words to say about Reader’s curly hair.

Pumpkin: Spencer can’t handle how cute Reader’s southern accent is.

All Legs*: Spencer meets Tall!Reader at an event and finds he really wants to be under her heels.

Devil in the Backseat*: (Piercings) Reader is a little too much for Spencer (and he’s into it).

Confessions

Drunk Dial: It’s been years since Reader talked to Spencer, but after a bunch of drinks it seems like a really good idea.

Appalachian: Reader is tired of Spencer purposefully pushing their buttons and demands an explanation.

Play Dates: Reader finds out Spencer hasn’t had enough dates to play Best/Worst Date with the team and offers several Play Dates, but quickly realizes it’s hard to have a bad date with Spencer Reid.

Studious Shadow: Reader’s crush won’t stop avoiding her at work and she thinks he might hate her.

Soulmates: Spencer comes to a conclusion during a late night with Reader.

Fever Dream: Reader makes an accidental confession, which starts the most intense game of hide and seek.

Java Jive: Spencer and Emily take a break at the local coffee shop and she makes an understandable mistake about barista Reader and Spencer’s relationship.

Not Your Backup: Following JJ’s confession, Spencer admits she’s more like a sister to him. Spencer and JJ argue about JJ’s unwarranted jealousy of his girlfriend.

Repentance: Spencer is confronted with his second chance at life, finding it full of regrets. Reader tries to talk him through it.

Pretty Boy: (Male!Reader) Spencer thinks you’re just the bully who likes to pull his pigtails.

Lost Time*: Reader and Spencer spend their mandatory leave taking the Spring Break Spencer never got to have.

Late Nights and Bar Lights*: Spencer is oblivious to how much SSA Reader likes him… Until he’s not.

Little Help From My Friends*: Reader and Spencer get drugged with a powerful form of ecstasy and rely on each other to satisfy the urges they are now unable to control.

Inexperienced: Reader has never been kissed. Spencer wants to change that.

Domestic/Family (includes Pregnancy, check CWs)

The Perfect Plan: Reader has a question for Spencer, but things don’t go according to plan.

Homemade: Stuck in quarantine, Reader decides to make some skincare masks with their boyfriend. They talk about some heavy stuff with green faces.

Impromptu: Reader learns some shocking news when a case lands her in the hospital.

Painting by Numbers: Spencer is still a little worried about his pregnant wife painting the house.

Fairytales: Spencer comes home to his very tired wife and even more tired child who refused to go to bed without a bedtime story from their dad.

The Prodigy Path: At a parent teacher conference, Spencer and Reader explain their seemingly unorthodox parenting style.

Practice Run: Spencer and Reader take on Derek’s challenge to babysit.

Defining Family: Spencer finds out he’s a dad… to a twelve year old girl. Your twelve year old girl, who just broke into the FBI.

Stranger Danger: Reader is a single mother having a very bad day.

Intentions: Spencer’s teenage daughter wants to have a conversation with you about your intentions with her father.

From the Tree: The kidnapping case becomes personal when Spencer and Reader get a call from their nanny.

To Have and To Hold*: Reader is trying to save her marriage, but Spencer seems resigned to its failure.

Moral of the Story*: Spencer has a surprise for you on the night before you two get married.

Different Kind of Daddy*: After a rough day, Reader has good news for her husband.

PURELY NSFW CATEGORIES

Breeding Kink

Here to Misbehave*: Spencer meets a girl he can’t get enough of at the nightclub, then quickly realizes she is not supposed to be there.

Big Bad Wolf*: Spencer is overwhelmed by the apparent innocence of an elementary school teacher he meets on a case.

Never Have I Ever*: After a case involving kink culture, Spencer is assigned to judge the girls’ game of Never Have I Ever. Later, him and Reader compare scores.

Moral of the Story*: Spencer has a surprise for you on the night before you two get married.

Different Kind of Daddy*: After a rough day, Reader has good news for her husband.

Bigger Bitch than Payback*: Spencer has to pay for kissing Cat, and Reader is all too ready to conduct the punishment.

Spoiled*: PolyAm Luke Alvez/Reader/Spencer. Reader’s favorite days are when both of her boyfriends are also home.

Baby Fever* (Wes): Wes wants to help you with your baby fever.

Virginity

The Birds & The Bees*: Reader interviews for a position as Dr. Spencer Reid’s Teaching Assistant, and Spencer learns something special about her.

Cupid & Psyche*: Reader and Spencer get kidnapped by a rather romantic matchmaking unsub who demands they perform for him.

Big Bad Wolf*: Spencer is overwhelmed by the apparent innocence of an elementary school teacher he meets on a case.

Inexperienced/Experience*: Virgin!Reader has a secret no one expected, least of all Spencer. She's a virgin... in every way.

Saltwater* (Chip): You take a liking to the community landscaper and decide its high time to act out the pool boy fantasy you’ve always dreamed of.

Breathplay

Here to Misbehave*: Spencer meets a girl he can’t get enough of at the nightclub, then quickly realizes she is not supposed to be there.

Dark Side*: Spencer in a prison jumpsuit is just too hard to resist.

Protege*: Spencer learns something very interesting about his friend when a prolific serial killer winds up dead.

My Boss’s Daughter*: Spencer’s fling with his boss’s daughter is definitely going to get him fired.

Big Bad Wolf*: Spencer is overwhelmed by the apparent innocence of an elementary school teacher he meets on a case.

Breathe*: Spencer has to confront Cat, but this time his girlfriend is with him.

Friends with Benefits

Here to Misbehave*: Spencer meets a girl he can’t get enough of at the nightclub, then quickly realizes she is not supposed to be there.

Devil’s Advocate: Spencer’s been hooking up with the defense attorney in secret. At some point what was purely physical turned into something else.

It’s Too Cliche*: Reader and Spencer are the worst at friends with benefits. After an exchange of gifts & nasty words, the two reunite on a very eventful NYE.

Schrödinger’s Relationship*: Reader finds out Spencer has been dating a kind and cute woman (when he’s not spending the night at her house).

Enemies to Lovers

The Objective & The Occult*: Reader is a witch and Spencer is a scientist, can I make it any more obvious?

Truce*: Spencer doesn’t like his new boss.

Icarus and the Moon*: Spencer is in love with a criminal… again.

Femme Fatale*: Unit Chief Reid is in over his head with the newest BAU member.

Opposing Counsel*: Spencer runs into his childhood rival at trial for a case. Now that they’re older, they found a new way to resolve their differences.

Protege* (Part 1, Part 2): Spencer learns something very interesting about his friend when a prolific serial killer winds up dead.

Lane Courtesy* (Franklin): The new girl at the alley is a distraction.

[doberbutts]

Feel free to ignore this if it’s too personal, but have you ever felt like “the sick one” or “the unreliable one” because of your health? I’ve had to call out a lot of a new job because of gallbladder issues, and I’ve been struggling to be seen because my insurance changed so I have to go to a new doctor. It might be my anxiety but I feel like my coworkers sympathy is running out. Idk. If I go in and tough it out I usually end up worse and calling out more, but if I call out and rest to go longer the next time my team is upset. If you’ve ever felt this way, how did you cope? I work at an animal shelter so compassion fatigue is also high for everyone there, so I can see their frustration, but it’s not like I want to be sick and in pain. Thanks for your posts, you and your dogs make me smile when I need it.

Maybe when I was young, after the brain injury it's hard to remember little details so if it didn't leave a lasting impression it's gone now lmao, but not anymore.

I communicate very strongly with my friends and my employer that because I am disabled and because my disability is related to my inner systems, I have no control over it and there will occasionally be times when I just plain cannot. But I also make it a point to show up even when I don't feel well the first couple times I have an episode when dealing with someone new, so they can understand just how bad it gets. I showed up to work 3x deep in my cry/vomit/diaherria/faint cycle at my new job that I've now worked for a year, and at this point all I have to do is call in and be like "yeah it's that time again" and my boss goes "jesus christ stay home". So I don't really feel like a flake at all because the folks I surround myself with are very understanding that I'm less than useless at fun or work when I'm like this.

I'm also really on top of asking for frequent breaks and, well. Once they see me shake and wobble and fall a couple times I feel it turns them into the asshole for not listening to me ask for help/accommodations.

THAT BEING SAID part of this now that I'm thinking about it is probably due to my parents and my behavioral therapist when I was a kid teaching me how to advocate for myself as a neurodivergent child with the symptoms of a larger disability. I was diagnosed with ADD very young but I also had epilepsy (I've been seizure-free and unmedicated since I was 8 so "had" with the acknowledgement that you never really stop having epilepsy) so I often had to demand breaks at school to go take my meds or to go lay down in the nurse's office or to get away from flashing lights during a movie or to be allowed to access my fidget toys. I got points off for doodling in the margins of my notes and had to sic my mom on them because the reason I'd been doodling was because the teacher had taken my stress ball and my notes were fine other than the cats and pawprints I'd drawn down the sides so clearly I was paying attention. Any time a teacher gave me attitude about something I asked for I had a little card from my behavioral therapist that I kept in my backpack that I'd pull out and hand to them and I don't think I ever read it (or if I did it was using words a little kid wouldn't understand lmao) but it always made the teacher hand it back to me and do what I asked

When I got older and started fainting I started having to demand breaks in gym, demand seating in classes we were expecting to stand, access to water, the ability to have a snack on hand, etc. So I was taught very very young to demand disability accommodations if they're not being freely offered and to not back down just because people didn't want to follow through. I was raised by a deaf man and a special ed teacher and their combined experience with disabled and developmentally different children in schooling showed them how to teach my sisters and I to demand- not ask- what we needed.

I think this helped me as an adult, not feel like a burden or a flake just because my disability sometimes gets in the way of the rest of my life. I'm disabled! I always have had "something". And there's no shame in needing a break.

[motsimages]

thank you for that post!!! we needed to talk about adrian flooding the tags. i see so many fandoms where a lot of great characters are pushed aside for a Pretty Murder Boy ™ (not that i hate him but i really want to see more leota and harcourt content on here)

Thank god! I really thought I was alone in this! Like, I've seen some timid posts of people kind of mentioning that he is not what he seems, or appreciation posts for other characters but since the Vigilante tag floods all of the others as a cinnamon roll, I was like "is this shit for real?"

And he is a great character, but they really are getting some details they don't like behind for the sake of, as you very well put it, Pretty Murder Boy.

I was going to write a post about it, but I might as well mention it here: they really focus on his autism and how cute it is that he misses social cues when he has mentioned himself that he is a sociopath and his "missing social cues" leads to not even deduce from context if it would be a good idea to kill certain people or not. The team has to insist, literally, to stop him from killing bystanders. He uses his sociopathy to justify his killing and to get a moral high ground to kill whoever he deems necessary ("uuhh how cute he and Peacemaker had a threesome" Vigilante told both his _best friend_ and the lady they were having sex with that he would have killed them for *checks notes* _smoking joints_ some time ago). I don't know shit about sociopathy, but this is just from what he does in the series, it may be sociopathy or another thing, he justifies his killing with his "different way to live in the world" (neurodivergency). We all make jokes that maybe he has some healing superpower because he doesn't get killed or injured, but he also may be unable to feel pain the way the rest of the people feel it.

He is fun, he is charming and beautiful, I won't deny it, but he is not cute. And sure, you can make all the fanfiction of him you want and paint him autistic or NT for that matter, but maybe sometimes to read him as he was written would be nice. It would also be nice to read fanfiction of him and Chris that is not sexual nor romantic because the relationship they have in the series is more like "surrogate little brother" from Chris' part and I think, given the trauma relating his brother's death, it would be interesting to dig into that kind of relationship further.

In short, I now understand how come sometimes there is a piece of media who is clearly meant as a satire, and there is still people who misses the point.

PS: I will now use "Pretty Murder Boy" as a trope name for this type of character, specially when people choose to forget how horrifying they really are (thinking of maybe Dexter and Hannibal??). Like, sure if you know what you are doing, why not, but it really feels some people do not see past the cute face and the charming act.

[sdv-mostly-shane]

Hello! January is birthday month for my children, and now that we got the last one down, time to get right back in ~ In the spirit of parenthood, here’s some Stardew Parent Headcannons of all the marriage candidates -

Stardew Valley Imagines : Parent Headcannons

Bachelors

Alex

The kind of dad to be at every appointment/interview/inspection and cry at every point of progress “we’re one step closer to our beautiful baby”

Will absolutely cry once he holds that baby, and will have a hard time letting them go to his partner

Baby wearing extraordinaire- has multiple options for different occasions

Matching track suits to hide the fact that they were both a hot mess that morning trying to get out the door, but they did it, so time to celebrate

Would ironically have a brainiac child that he is absolutely enamoured with and admires - he sits at their little table, spilling out of the tiny chair, but refuses to budge because his baby is telling him about the water cycle of the Earth, and he doesn’t want to miss a thing

Elliot

A very ‘hands off’ parent - will observe them at play and not pressure them in any particular way

Probably a Waldorf dad

Sits his babies in his lap every night to read- they are the first ones he tests out a new limerick on, and respects their criticisms as much as their praise

Lots of evening walks down the sea shore and the forest edge.

Out of the bachelors, I think would be the most sensitive/attune to them, and would be great at breaking down their complex emotions and thoughts, and would especially be so with any neurodivergent children.

Harvey

The type to plop down a stack of parenting and pediatric books on the dining room table as soon as you two have decided to welcome children into your lives

Is the one to show the farmer how to change a diaper

In fact, just count Harvey as the one to be the party planning, baby book filling, milestone documenting professional. He’s got it covered.

Loves the newborn stage, is terrified of toddlerhood, but then back in control once they’re like 6. And then terrified again once they are teenagers (his kids actually consider him a friend as well as a father and actually enjoy hanging out with him (sometimes))

100% a helicopter parent, but more so the ‘I love you so much I don’t want you to ever experience any pain’ type of way

Sam

Probably has an accidental love child at one point

You can find him in bed with the baby, singing songs together, while he spikes the baby’s hair nice and tall

Do you honestly think this young man would not use every dad joke ever known? Because he would- and he would find them all absolutely hilarious

The fun dad that will also actively try to embarrass his kids in front of their friends

Keeps his kids home for “sick days” to sit on the couch together, no pants, no homework, and all laughter.

Sebastian

Would be stressed when they are newborns, but relax as they get older. By the time they’re teens, he would have cultivated a very trust and respect-based relationship with them where his kids are comfortable telling him anything

You’ll find him quietly at every event, game, recital, competition, imaginable. Supporting his children with his presence and then taking them out that evening to do something fun, crazy, or maybe even a little dangerous

His most fond parenting moments are when the baby is in their bouncer right besides him, happily babbling away and smiling at him, while he does his work at the computer. Quality time is his baby love language.

The type of dad to patiently and honestly answer his children’s millions of questions about anything and everything.

Will absolutely take them out to splash in the puddles when it rains (but then will also send them straight to the bath)

Shane

Is already pretty experienced in the parenting realm, but is thrown into a whole new adventure with the newborn phase. Finds himself to truly LOVE babies and toddlers

“Hm, can’t sleep? Let’s go get a snack.” “But dad, it’s 1AM” “I do this all the time, don’t worry. Just don’t tell [parent]”

Would let his kids roam free, but only if he is supervising, and is actually kinda strict/short. Absolutely fears losing his children and will do anything and everything to make sure they grow up safe and cared for.

A very stressed daddy but only because he loves his children so much that he would die if anything happened to them

The best cuddler out of all the bachelor parents. Wanna soft spot to curl up on the couch? He’s already passed out with his head back, snoring. His nice pudgy ‘dad’ belly makes the perfect pillow to rest baby heads on while he reads a book.

Bachelorettes

Abigail

The fun parent.

The kind that wakes up early on a Saturday with their kids, just as excited as they are, to eat sugar cereal and watch a show together.

Is always down to play (especially play fight). Will (endearingly) spook their partner a bit when they rough house because Abby has that wild feral look in her eye too often

The competitive parent that gets just a liiiitle too involved in whatever sport/organization/fair/et.al that the child is partaking in-all in good fun, of course.

I can picture her taking her child out to the forest, late at night, to lay on the soft moss. She’d tell them about monsters, lore, crystals, and everything supernatural and mystic. Whispering in the dark as they point up to the stars and laugh and laugh and laugh

Emily

Hippy granola mom to a T - have you seen her “organic quinoa and fresh goat milk” quote? She’d do anything to provide the best that nature has to offer her children

While her disposition toward her children is incredibly loving and free-spirited, she would probably be very resposible and stressed about doing right for her children

Would absolutely take her children by the hand, in various states of dress (jammies? Okay. Just a diaper? Alright. Ballgown? Let’s go), out to the forest with handmade woven baskets to collect all the gifts from the Earth that they can find

Absolutely the Craft Mom - she’d be all about enrichment, sensory play, and fostering a creative spirit

Tells the best stories. After bedtime routine, will sit with her children in thrir bed, and will tell stories of magic, of love, and of adventure. Her kids, eyes bright, won’t want the night to end, because mom is showing us how much wonder and mystery is in the world

Haley

So gentle and so sweet with her kids, but can send them running with just a ‘look’

Would be a nervous wreck the first go round, but an absolute master by the time the second comes around

Helicopter parent that obsesses over every milestone, growth, and accomplishment of their child. SO proud of them and can’t wait to praise them and brag about them.

The wonder parent that can do it all while looking absolutely breathtaking. She makes it look easy once she gets the hang of it

Can’t you just picture her and her baby girl in matching flowy Daisy sundresses dresses with pink ribbons in their beautiful blonde curls, chasing after each other barefoot in the fields, while the golden grass dances in the wind- gah I love this pretty pretty princess so much.

Leah

Cool Wine mom that drives a Subaru

Would absolutely read her child to bed every night, until they fell asleep.

Her transition into motherhood was flawless. She’s a natural parent who just loves in abundance

Soooo many nature walks, hikes, and camping trips. Always accompanied with a picnic basket, quiet peacefulness, and heart to hearts about whatever is going on in their life.

The definition of free-range parenting, encouraging self discovery and independence. Yeah, she’ll always step in when needed with some kind encouragement or advice, but would much rather watch her children learn about the world on their own terms

Maru

The do-it-all parent. Signs up for activities, projects, school boards, committees, and teams. Is actually on time, prepared, and succeeds in all of these.

The most prepared and responsible out of any of the parents. Always has snacks in her diaper bag and a first aid kit

Did someone say routine/chore chart

Would show love for her children through learning and new experiences-the best part about being a parent for her is watching her child’s brain turning and working as they think about the environment in front of them. At her best, her kids think she is incredibly fun and they have a blast doing anything and everything with her

Not exactly tender/overly affectionate with her kids, but absolutely concerned about being the best mom she can be by having balance of learning, play, discipline, and love.

Penny

Literally just Miss Honey from Matilda

Pinterest mom. All the crafts, DIYs, bento boxes with cute little caterpillar grapes-you name it, she’s already done it AND packed your backpack and laid your clothes out for you.

Can be heard saying “well the pediatrician said...” “hm well that’s not what dr alberts book said to do” among other “first time mom”things

Can be incredibly anxious worrying about their child’s development and well being. She’s been around kids her entire life, but this is HER child? This one doesn’t go home at the end of the day? Everything has to be absolutely perfect

The most sentimental-would absolutely weep going through the baby box to pull out the teeny tiny booties and smelling the baby blanket - “they were just SO TINY- we need another one NOW.”

[grimmradiance]

Close to Me: How the Hollow Knight's Fighting Style Reflects Their Trauma (and the Radiance's as well)

So I've been trying to actually beat the Radiance, which means I've been fighting the Hollow Knight. A lot, as a matter of fact, since I'm beans at this game sometimes. I've also been thinking about @lost-kinn's meta about how fighting styles are how Vessels, especially the Little Knight, communicate.

In trying to apply this to the Hollow Knight, I've been coming to some very interesting conclusions, especially taken in context of...Everything Else in the lore, and Everything Else implicated in this by the psychology of it.

There's a lot to cover here, and it tracks through a LOT of different places, including trauma psychology, the relationship between chronic stress and lifespan health, and shape symbolism. Two warnings first:

One: this essay is gonna get heavy. It includes fine-grained discussion of the Hollow Knight's trauma, including discussions of the real-life machanics of psychological abuse, as well as the Extremely Concerning Implications of them harming themself during their boss fight. please read with caution and when you're in a safe emotional place to do so.

Two: This post is not a place for justifying the Pale King. If you read this essay in its entirety and still want to do that, please make your own post; my relationship to the Hollow Knight themself is deeply rooted in my own experiences, so in the context of this discussion I can't promise I won't take it personally.

With that out of the way, let's talk trauma and fighting styles:

We know that the Hollow Knight is trained to be a paragon of fighting skill, through the Pure Vessel fight, and this gives us a fantastic way to compare what they were like before they were made Government Assigned Radiance Jail, and after. Or, in other words, we're given the perfect opportunity to see what the Radiance is doing (i.e. context effects), and what Hollow is (i.e. what we can conclude is reliably consistent as a part of them). Listed here, for reference:

Hollow's attacks:

Three slashes

A dash slash

A Radiant Shade Soul, which launches a volley of Infection blobs in arcs

A Radiant Desolate Dive, which produces pillars of entwined Void and Light at random intervals

The Infection bursting out of them in random arcs, covering a significant amount of the aerial space of the arena

The Radiance ragdolling their body around trying to hit the Knight

Contact damage from them stabbing themself and falling over atop you

The Pure Vessel's attacks:

Three slashes

A dash slash

A Pure Shade Soul, which launches a volley of nails in straight lines

A Pure Desolate Dive, which produces nails at specific intervals

A Pure Focus, which causes circular explosions across most of the aerial space in the arena

Lashing out with a Void Arm (word choice intentional)

I've highlighted attacks from each battle that are different, since those are our points of interest here. In addition, both the Pure Vessel and Hollow are exceedingly fond of teleport-spamming in a way that is usually reserved for a specific group of bosses.

Another very important distinction between these two fights: the Pure Vessel doesn't scream. Well, they certainly try to, but no sound comes out. No voice to cry suffering, after all. All of these points have a lot to go into, so let's address them one at a time.

All That Remains: Theoretical Background On The Significance Of Constants

Making comparisons across time is important specifically because humans (and human-like bugs) change. Most personality traits aren't set in stone--they exist as an interaction of someone's internal tendencies, their experiences, and their environment. Speaking of those last two points, not all experiences and environments are created equally. Adverse childhood experiences (ACEs for short) are known to have lifelong implications for a child's health, both physically and mentally. These are events that are so stressful or stressful for so long that they exceed a child's ability to cope and become toxic stress (yes, that's the term in the literature, because it actively damages your organs). They compound, as well--the stress of one ACE makes it harder for a child to cope with another, especially if they overlap.

Some examples of ACEs? Being exposed to physical danger or the threat of physical danger, deprivation of normal social relationships with peers of a similar age, being forcibly seperated from family members, witnessing a loved one being hurt or killed, chronic illness in oneself or a family member, neglect of a child's emotional needs....

Poor fucking Holly. It's a miracle they didn't disintegrate under the pressure. The only other option is that they bent and adapted under that much stress--in other words, most of their personality has been forcibly reshaped by what they've gone through. Anyone who has up-close experience with parentification or complex child abuse already knows: this was by design. I'm not saying the intent was to traumatize the Pure Vessel past several points of no return, but the intent definitely was to reshape their personality for the purpose of being The Vessel. We only see them (the Pure Vessel) in battle after this process is mostly or entirely complete, but we do see them a few times beforehand. I'd like to draw attention to the Path of Pain cutscene right now.

I've seen people talking about the look the Vessel and the King share as a sign that TPK really does love his child. That might be true, but it's definitely not relevant when it comes to how abuse works. This is, in fact, exactly how the cycle of abuse uses affection as a tool. Long periods of abuse or neglect, smoothed over by small periods of affection that placate the survivor? That's textbook love bombing, the kind that forms stubborn trauma bonds and facilitates unhealthy dependency. Forgive me for not giving the Higher Being of knowledge and prescience the benefit of the doubt on that one. (/s)

Team Cherry knows about the importance of parallels and dissonance. There's a reason the music in the second phase of the Hollow Knight fight plays in the Path of Pain. There's a reason it cuts out the moment the battle with the Kingsmoulds is over, instead of at the room transition. There's a reason it doesn't cut out in the Black Egg. Actually, there's two potential reasons, which could also coexist: either little Hollow trusts the Pale King to keep them safe, even after the borderline torture that they were just subjected to, or big Hollow is so hypervigilant that they're in full functioning-through-trauma mode even while they're at death's door.

If you don't see how much the Pale King scarred his child at this point, I'm not sure we were playing the same game.

Walking the Straight Line: How the Pale King's Teachings Show In the Pure Vessel

The Pale King loves order and control. Everything about the White Palace and every decision we see him make implies this. Everything is spotless white walls and well-maintained gardens; the only signs of disorder are hidden away, either in his workshop or in The Pit™. This also reflects in the Pure Vessel's title--pure as in holy, but also pure as in without flaw. Considering the Nailsmith's emotional state after completing the Pure Nail, TPK's fate with his Perfect Controlled Kingdom, and the Godmaster ending as a whole, attaining perfection is not a good thing in any sense.

We know the Hollow Knight isn't perfect--that's the whole catalyst for the plot. But considering their upbringing and their fighting style as the Pure Vessel, their imperfections absolutely kill them emotionally. I'll spare the lecture on how perfectionism affects neurodivergent kids even more severely than neurotypical kids, if only to keep this post to a reasonable length (look up "twice-exceptional children" if you'd like to know the theory I'm glossing over in more depth). But, in essence, the deck is doubly stacked against them--they have a higher goal to reach, and far more obsctacles in their path, including their own emotional scars.

I've already discussed how Hollow isn't meant for this kind of stress in a physical sense in other posts. They're not prepared for it emotionally, either--the Pale King wants perfection, and they can't even stand up straight (every spoonie in the audience already knows how exhausting people's obsession with Standing Up Straight is). There's another page on their stack of emotional baggage, even BEFORE you consider that the Pure Vessel knows their perfection is what bought them a ticket out of the Abyss.

Bringing Teleportation To A Sword Fight: Where The Pure Vessel Reveals Their Fears

How else are they going to cope with that need for perfection, that need to prove themselves worthy of the reason their life was spared, by being flawless in any way they can? Being a mechanical, flawless fighter puts so much pressure on them, both literally (repetitive strain injuries fucking HURT) and figuratively--if you're predictable, the only sure way to win is to mop the floor with your opponents before they figure you out. Hell, that's the way most people play their first run of Hollow Knight, by throwing themselves at the bosses over and over until they figure out the patterns. That strategy is inherently going to fail against an opponent that's, say, an immortal higher being.

There's no way that the Vessel didn't figure this out, and yet none of their TPV specific attacks are positioned randomly--the nails are always evenly spaced, and the Focus explosions are always in a specific height region of the screen. That's clinging to survival strategies even when they become maladaptive in its purest form.

Another dip into psychological theory: let's talk about disorganized attachment. Attachment styles describe how someone's relationships to their main caregiver(s) influence their understanding on relationships in general. Disorganized attachment is a result of an upbringing of inherently unstable parent-child relationships, where there's no way of a child predicting whether an adult is going to be delighted to see them, ambivalent, upset, or otherwise. If my parent woke up some days saying "all right my child, time for the Infinite Buzzsaws Obstacle Course," I'd be the same way. In adulthood this manifests as an inability to form a stable sense of self-concept as well as concepts of others. Mission accomplished, TPK, there's no will to break if you broke it yourself.

This is where the fighting styles as communication comes in--Hollow needs to keep Ghost at a distance to fight, but also wants to be closer to their sibling (the only being who has a chance of understanding what they've been through), BUT also has a trauma-rooted fear of attaching to people, as their experiences with attachment are inherently unpredictable and dangerous. Hence, both the teleportation that doesn't seem to match their fighting style any more reliably than "aim at the thing attacking you" and the second attack unique to the Pure Vessel--they're quite literally lashing out in pain to push people away. There's a reason that attack is so reminiscent of the Thorns of Agony.

Of note is that Holly does seem to teleport like the bugs of the Soul Sanctum do (favoring the edges of a screen, rather than going wherever like Dream Warriors do), which makes sense--they're the most obvious answer to the question "how did they learn how to teleport, anyways?" However, Sanctum bugs have abilities designed to capitalize on this, like homing spells and slashes from above. I can only assume this means that someone saw Holly's proficiency with the nail and assumed it translated to other forms of combat, and didn't feel the need to give them at least a bit of a primer on how to make the best use of it. There's another tally for the Hollow Knight as an autism metaphor.

Trauma Bonds: How the Radiance Speaks Through Hollow

Now, we're back to the Black Egg, and two people stuck in the same sinking ship. The thing that makes this hurt so badly is that Holly and the Radiance are at complete cross purposes here, and yet they both want the same thing:

They both want out, no matter the cost. For the Radiance, this means forsaking the pacifistic nature of the moths and nuking Ghost personally.

For Hollow, this means forsaking the way they were raised and everything that was bludgeoned into their personality: the only way out is to fail, give up control, and trust that Ghost will do what needs to be done.

Imagine how much pain they're in to actually go for it. Going against a literal lifetime of conditioning is something that takes the average person years to even consider, let alone go through with. It's a form of learned helplessness--if you try to break free and fall, again and again, it actively discourages further attempts. Breaking through learned helplessness is an interesting process, because it generally involves re-establishing a sense of control by recalling previous events where the person was able to change their situation.

Which, as far as we know of, are nothing but traumatic memories for Hollow. It's very unlikely that they'd break through it on their own, but we know they have by the time we see the second phase of their fight. This is them at their most desperate: the same music as the Path of Pain, the way they let, or can't stop, the Radiance throw their body around, the way they actively try to let the Radiance out by stabbing themself.

You'd think that giving up and learned helplessness are inherently compatible, but when giving up both goes against your core personality, and involves your active participation, they're in direct opposition. So either Holly was able to process all their trauma by themself (which I doubt, judging by how much effort the player has to go through to even see Ghost's and Hollow's traumatic memories), or someone gave them a nudge or three in that direction.

Considering that there's been someone living in Holly's head who has a vested interest in them Not Doing Their Duty, I think we know who. And the thing is, I think we watch Hollow have this breakthrough during their battle. Imagine for the first time in decades, at least, you can move. You're in pain from being in the same position, probably hallucinating from sensory deprivation, with an infection sucking at what strength your body has left. And there's this little creature who looks ready to fight you, who seems to have let you go for that exact purpose.

And you look down, and both you and the Radiance recognize them from a place rooted deeper than consciousness, in the murky depths of trauma. You see the other Vessel who just as easily could have been you, and who looks so much stronger for not being you, for being an imperfect, willful creature. And the Radiance sees history threatening to repeat itself, another one of the Wyrm's cursed children seeking to lock her away once more.

What else do you do when you're triggered? You scream, and you go on instinct, and you retreat into your head. Those first blows, with the epic music? That's the Vessel the Pale King forged, the fighting machine that will endure unimaginable stress because it knows no other way. What snaps you back out of dissociation? Usually, either the passage of the triggering stimulus, or an even more relevant stimulus (severe pain from getting beaten up by a nail, for example).

The tragedy is this: we know this isn't a triumph. I think most of us went into that fight the first time, knowing we'd be putting the Hollow Knight out of their misery. The music turns tragic, Hollow screams, and then we see the Radiance and Hollow themself break through: the Radiance trying to fight Ghost directly with the resources she has, and Hollow trying to help her along.

For what it's worth, Hollow even had the right idea, when it came to letting themself rest while helping Ghost stop the madness their father started--they were just digging for the Radiance in the wrong place. The dynamic between the Radiance and the Hollow Knight is something I could write on for pages and pages, but this has gone on for long enough. Tune in next time, where I'll presumably talk about this same topic but in reverse with regards to the Radiance.