#There's going to be at LEAST 1 more chapter. Maybe 2. We'll see how much they wanna be all gushy and shit

[grandprixwinnerlandonorris]

Friends Don't | George Russell⁶³

Pairings: George Russell x fem!bestfriend!reader

Summary: you go out to celebrate George's home race win, not even imagining what the night will bring

Warnings: smut, drunk driving, unprotected sex

A/N: you will maybe have to necessarily read part 1 and part 2 hehe. For the sake of the plot, we'll pretend some things already happened. I've spent the whole week writing this and only got it to all click together from the third attempt. Third time's a charm, right? But at least had a blast while editing, which is a rarity. I actually enjoy writing these 'chapters' and building this world sm <3

Sundays were a day for rest and relaxation. A day for sitting down with a good book and a cup of coffee. A day for cuddling up with a loved one and watching a movie. A day for taking some time for yourself; a day to reflect and recharge.

That was, of course, unless your best friend was George Russell. And that your Sundays didn't consist of spending most weekends a year at different race tracks around the world. Not all of them, but you tried to be there for him at least once or twice a month, as much as the opportunity allowed.

That afternoon, George took the checkered flag in Silverstone in P1 and now you were in your room, preparing for tonight's celebration. The victory party was going to be wild, and you knew it. You had seen how George celebrated previous wins, and tonight was going to be no different. Especially because it was his home race.

You took a deep breath and glanced at yourself in the mirror. You had dressed to impress, wearing a sparkly blue dress that fit you perfectly. Finishing your look with a pair of strappy heels and a silver necklace, you couldn't help but think about how previous events with George brought you even closer together.

Your friendship kind of became more... intimate. No pun intended. Guess you were both afraid not to lose each other over the past experiences, and that deepened your bond whether either of you wanted to admit or not. Now your only fear was that your closeness wouldn't tear you apart.

A soft knock pulled you out of your thoughts and you turned around to see George standing at the door with a sheepish grin on his face. He was dressed in a crisp white shirt and black pants, his hair tousled in a way that made your heart skip a beat.

"Hey there, gorgeous," he said, his voice low and husky. "Ready to party?"

Never before have you paid any mind to the nicknames he called you, but now a thrill ran down your spine. The way he looked at you made you feel like the only person in the world.

"I am," you said, smiling at him.

As you stepped out of the door, George took your hand in his and led you to the car waiting outside. The drive to the club was short, but the anticipation was high. The party was in full swing when you arrived; loud music, flashing lights, and the smell of alcohol filled the air.

George led you to the VIP section where his friends and family were already celebrating. You saw his siblings and a few of his close racing buddies. You could hear their loud cheering as they saw George walk in with you and feel the envious glares of the other women in the room.

George handed you a glass of champagne and raised his own in a toast. "To the best damn team in the world," he said, looking at you and his friends.

Everyone cheered and clinked their glasses together. You took a sip of the bubbly liquid, feeling it go down smoothly. The night was young, and the energy in the room was electric.

The party kept going on as the night deepened, and the noise of the songs blasted through the room. Glasses were filled up with drinks constantly, making it more of an effort to ignore the effects of the booze. You found yourself on the dance floor, surrounded by George and his friends. The bass of the music throbbed in your chest, and you let yourself get lost in the rhythm.

Throughout the night, each person had a chance to take their turn with you on the dance floor, and eventually you were spinning around in George's arms. The heat of the club mixed with the buzz of the alcohol made your skin flush against his. You could feel his muscles flexing as he twirled you around, his hand firmly holding onto yours. The closer you danced, the more the tension between you grew.

For a moment, you forgot where you were and who was watching. You moved on him like it was just the two of you in the world, your hands moving over his body like never before, and hips swaying in perfect synchronicity. You were so close to him that you could feel his breath on your neck, and the scent of his cologne filled your senses. You felt yourself getting lost in him, and something stirred inside you.

And it seemed like George caught up on your odd behavior as the song faded away. He grabbed your arm and started leading you away from the dance floor until you reached a quiet corner. But your drunken mind wasn't understanding his intentions.

You threw yourself onto him and he had to secure your hips with his hands to stop you from slipping. You let out a hazy chuckle as you started grinding against him once more before he pushed you back against the wall.

"Stop it, that's not why I brought you here."

But you didn't listen. You pulled yourself even closer, letting your lips brush against his neck. "Then why did you bring me here?"

He squeezed his eyes shut, your breath tickling his skin. "The drinks have gone to your head. I brought you here to take a break and cool off a little." he avoided telling you that you were drunk and not acting like yourself, afraid to provoke any unnecessary argument between you two.

Still, you weren't paying any attention. You were too inebriated to realize that your behavior was a little out of character, and you certainly weren't considering the consequences of your actions. You clasped your hands around his shoulders and pressed yourself against him again.

George tried to keep a respectable distance between you, pushing his hip backwards as you pushed yours forward, fighting the urge to get too close. That got you into an interesting position; you were leaning against the wall in between his arms with your shoulders as he leaned into you with his upper body. Your hand naughtily ran down his side, poking him. You knew you probably shouldn't touch him, but you couldn't stop yourself. His muscles strained as he let out a shaky breath.

"You're getting awfully close to me," he murmured, unable to bring himself to look you in the eye. His fingers slowly slid from their grip on the wall.

"Then don't push me away," you said back.

His face was just inches away now, and your lips unconsciously moved closer. The atmosphere between you two was thick with anticipation, a feeling that you currently relished in. Your lips were only a breath away from his when he spoke.

"We can't." his eyes locked with yours.

"Why?" you asked breathily.

"Because we're best friends." his voice was barely a whisper.

He hoped the reason he gave you would remind you of everything you asked from him that first time. But he didn't tell you that he feared you'd regret it when you sobered up, and that it would be his fault for not stopping it.

"And?" in the state that you were, did he really think that would stop you? He couldn't have been more wrong. You wanted to push him to feel something. Anything. "Best friends can do a lot of things." you smirked.

He clenched his jaw, his eyes still on yours. "No, they can't." he gritted, shaking his head.

"You're right." you said, the alcohol clouding your judgment. "They can't do this." and your hips finally met his.

He swallowed hard, trying to stay level headed. "What am I going to do with you?" he said in desperation, his hands pressed flat on the wall behind you, trying their best not to touch you as they dangerously started slipping down.

You placed your hands on his chest, feeling his heart hammering under your palms as you glided them down his torso. "Remember how you said you can read my body language?"

"Yeah," he breathed, nodding his head.

"What is it telling you now?" you whispered against his lips.

"It's telling me we're going to be in big trouble if you don't stop this," he replied. "You have no idea what you're doing to me right now."

"Then don't fight it. Show me." you murmured.

He leaned in, his lips brushing yours. Your arms snaked around his neck and fingers twined through the hair at its nape, pulling him closer. You couldn't believe that you had done all those other things, but never kissed. And when ultimately his mouth closed on yours, it was like finally locating the elusive jigsaw piece on a seemingly ordinary Tuesday while tidying up your home that you thought had been lost forever. It made you almost not want to kiss anyone else ever again — almost, because deep down you knew you shouldn't have been doing this in the first place.

His arms wrapped around you, pulling you closer as his head tilted to get a better angle. The kiss was soft, tentative, like both of you were very aware of what might happen. You pressed your mouth against his more firmly, tasting him. Parting your lips slightly, you felt the silky wetness of his tongue on yours. You bit his lower lip, letting out a deep moan when he groaned in response, hands that were in his hair tugging on the strands slightly. He groaned into your mouth again, pulling you even closer against him. You had no idea how long you were kissing, but it was definitely not enough.

The kiss broke, and you leaned your face against his neck, panting heavily. He glanced down at you, his lips so close to yours that if you had merely lifted your head, they'd be touching again. The warmth emanating from your body made him want to do things he knew he shouldn’t. He placed his forehead against yours, trying desperately to get control of himself.

"We should get back." he said between breaths. Your head was spinning from the alcohol and his scent and the magical kiss, it took you a moment to realize you were no longer kissing him. You opened your eyes and met with him.

"We should, before they realize we're missing." you nodded. He frowned, but his eyes were smiling. He was relieved, but he was also worried for you and what tomorrow might bring when you sobered up.

"Lets go," he said, turning around, but kept an arm around your waist so as to not let you get lost. You looped one arm around his neck, holding onto his shoulder, and gently hit his other shoulder with your head.

The night was still young and the party was still going. Music was playing, people were dancing, and laughter filled the room. Your friends cheered when they saw you two come in together, but neither of you paid any attention to them; all that mattered was that you were here, with him. Guys grabbed drinks for the both of you from different parts of the room and put it in your hands.

You found a spot on the couch and George sat next to you, his arm around your waist protectively. The conversations flowed easily between you two, and soon enough you both forgot what had happened earlier as you joined the rest of the group in drinking, singing along with music and laughing.

He later found you on the dance floor swaying around completely out of rhythm with a drink in your hand. Your face lit up when you saw him.

"There you are, my champion." you leaned into him, dropping your head onto his shoulder.

"I won the race, not the championship.��� he chuckled.

“Mm, don’t care. To me you are the champion.” you slurred, pouting.

“Hey, is everything alright?" he asked, supporting you.

"Mmhmm." you mumbled. "I'm fine."

"You're not fine." you could hear the frown on his face. "You're drunk." he spat as he attempted to take away the half empty glass from your grasp.

"I'm not." you said, feeling yourself lose your balance a little as you swayed back and forth. He put his arm around you to help you balance.

"Yes, you are. I should've taken you home the first time around." he sighed, somehow not surprised you managed to get even drunker. You were both intoxicated for that matter, it's just that George knew how to hold his liquor. And he looked to never go over his limit in case something like this happened.

"No." you tried to pull away from him.

"I'm taking you home." he tightened his grip around you, leading you out of the party. You mumbled something in response, not quite sure what you were saying.

He helped you into his car and buckled your seat belt for you, before getting in himself. He drove slowly, carefully navigating the roads while you were almost passed out in his passenger seat. Every now and then he'd take a hand off the wheel to reach over and brush your hair away from your face or wipe away a stray tear from your cheek if one escaped your eye. As he turned into your street and parked the car, your eyes fluttered open.

"Um, could you walk me to the door?" you asked.

"I was planning on it," he said, unbuckling his seat belt.

Both of your arms wrapped around his left one, holding on for support, as he walked you to your apartment. Your little nap helped clear the haze from your head, but you were still tipsy. When you reached the entrance of your flat, you propped yourself against the door and blinked up at him.

"Do you want to come inside?" inviting your best friend into your home have never before seemed more dangerous and George should've known better than to say yes.

"Do you want anything to drink?" you asked to break an awkward silence that fell among you the moment he shut the door.

Before even waiting for his answer, you made your way towards the kitchen, but he extended his arm and grabbed your waist, preventing you from moving further.

"I think we both had enough to drink tonight," he said.

"Then what do you want to do?" you whispered.

"I want to claim my prize." he must have had a few more drinks than usual at the club to summon up the courage for that sentiment.

You could feel your heart racing in your chest, the alcohol still fogging your mind but not enough to miss the implication of his words. You turned to face him, your eyes meeting his intense gaze. His hand still rested on your waist, his fingers tracing small circles over the fabric of your dress.

"Is that what I am, a prize?"

"No, no." he said quickly, his eyes softening. "You're so much more than that, you know that." his hand cupped the side of your face. "When I saw you looking up at me on the podium today, I realized I couldn't have done it without you. You were the one who had been cheering me on from the sidelines all this time. You've been there for me when no one else was." he leaned in, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead. "You've been my lucky charm all these years and I want to show you how much you mean to me."

The way he was looking at you made your chest heave with a mixture of emotions. You were both under the influence, and you knew this was not the best time to make decisions, but you couldn't resist him. You leaned in and attached your lips together again, only this time with more passion, more desire. You could feel his hands running through your hair as he kissed you back, his tongue playing with yours, his body pressing against yours.

He pulled away, looking at you with a hunger you had never seen before. "Are you sure?" he asked, his voice hoarse.

You nodded, unable to say anything. His lips crashed onto yours, hungrily claiming your mouth as his own. Your body responded to his touch, your hands roaming over his chest and tangling in his hair. He lifted you up, your legs locking around his waist as he carried you to the bedroom.

He laid you down gently on the mattress, his eyes never leaving yours. Climbing on top of you, his lips trailed kisses down your neck and collarbone. You moaned softly, your hands gripping tightly onto his muscular back. He pulled his lips away from you, looking into your eyes.

"Are you sure?" he asked again.

You nodded, reaching up and pulling him back down. He gently kissed you again and you responded in kind, but he pulled away again.

"I'll stop if you tell me to." he whispered. "I don't want to do this unless you want to." 

"I want to." you murmured. The alcohol may have distorted your judgment, but it surely helped your courage.

"Are you sure?" he asked a third time. You laughed softly, trying to push him off. He had you pinned to the mattress, still pressing you down.

"Yes, I'm sure." you said, no longer laughing.

That was all he needed to hear. He kissed you hard, his fingers lightly tracing over the fabric of your dress. He ran his hands underneath, gently resting them on your ribs, and pulled your dress upwards. You lifted your hands above your head, freeing him of the task of removing your dress as you squiggled out of it and freed yourself from the restriction that was your dress.

He kissed you again, letting his hands run over your bare skin. His lips kissed down your throat and chest, his hands undoing your bra. He pulled it away and tossed it aside, taking in the sight of you.

"You're beautiful, you know that?" he said. You blushed, and he smiled. His lips traveled down your leg, gently caressing the outside of your thigh. "But I'm a little jealous, you know?" his lips traveled back up, his tongue tracing over the slope of your breast and hands kneading them softly. "You got to taste me, and I..."

He kissed his way down your body, his hands going over every inch of exposed skin, reminding you how skillfully he handled you that very first time. He reached your inner thigh and slid his hand underneath your underwear. Your breath caught in your throat as you felt his fingers brush against you before a long finger slid inside you. You moaned loudly, spreading your legs apart for him. He smiled against your neck, his teeth taking in your skin, his tongue leaving a trail of fire behind.

His finger slowly moved inside you, circling you before sliding in and out. His hand pulled your underwear down, you kicking them off to the side. His mouth moved down your figure, hovering over your breasts. He teased you for a moment, blowing against your nipples before drawing the tip of his tongue over one. He did the same with the other, his fingers never ceasing to move. His kisses continued further down, over your stomach until they reached your mound.

"Can I?" he asked, peeking at you.

"Please..." you tried to hide the shake in your voice.

His tongue slid between your lips, gently licking you. You could feel his breath, hot and heavy against your sensitive skin. He teased you, his tongue circling your clit before sliding inside you. His tongue flicked over your clit, his hands holding your thighs apart. You spread your legs even wider, your body arching up to him. He leaned in, gently sucking on your clit and you moaned loudly, his tongue moving faster. You cried out in pleasure, your hips bucking against his face.

You were nearing your end, your moans growing louder with every movement of his tongue. You could feel his lips smile against your skin, enjoying the sounds you were making. You cried out, your body tensing as you came, shaking against him. He pulled away, slowly kissing his way up to the top again. He placed a gentle kiss on your lips, not hurrying you up as you sucked in his bottom lip, squeezing out your own juices.

"Taking that trophy is the second best thing that has ever happened to me." he whispered. He kissed you again, this time with more passion, your hands reaching for the buttons of his shirt. "The first, of course, being you. You're my greatest reward." he continued as you trailed kisses down his neck, removing the shirt off his shoulders.

"Stop talking, George."

"Sorry," he whispered as he closed his eyes, surrendering above you.

You kissed his chest, your nails raking up and down his sides, feeling his muscles tense. You could feel the heat radiating off his body, and could sense the urgency in his touch. His hardness pressed against you, begging to be liberated. You pulled away from him, reaching for his belt buckle and his eyes shot open, hands reaching for yours.

"Are you sure?" he asked again. He knew if you go any further there would be no going back and some irreversible things would be done.

"Are you sure?" you asked back, smiling mischievously. "I thought this is what you wanted." your nail dangerously circled around his lower abdomen, causing his breath to hitch with every word he spoke.

"I-I do. I'm just making sure you're not doing it just because I want it." you could tell he was really struggling to hold himself back.

"I think we've already established that..." you whispered against his lips and prompted your body more to his.

"Okay," his hand moved away from yours, and you undid his belt.

His pants fell around his feet and he kicked them off. His boxers were the last thing left, and you reached for them, slowly pulling them down. His hand held the back of your head as he kissed you, his tongue twirling around yours. You moved to pull away but he held on tighter.

His boxers hit the floor and you looked up at him, his hands resting on your frame. Gently taking your hand, he placed it on his dick. You gasped, feeling it grow even more underneath your touch. He pulled away, his lips planting kisses down your neck as his hand guided yours up and down his length. You felt him shiver as you grazed the tip with your nails, his breath hitching. He removed his hand, and your eyes shot open when you felt his tip brush against your entrance.

He teased you, running it up and down your slit. You threw your head back in pleasure, your back arching against him. The more he prolonged what you needed the most, the more your neediness grew. You tried to guide him inside you but he resisted, placing a finger on your lips instead. He dragged it over them before he made you suck on it, his eyes never leaving your face as he blew a stream of air out. Your eyes widened when you felt his head brush against you again, making you gasp audibly, his name falling from your lips.

"Please," you remembered what he told you the first time he had you in his arms like this. "Please, please, please, please, please, please, please..." you chanted over and over again.

"Fuck," he hissed under his breath. Hearing you beg for him made his head spin again. It was like you'd put him under a spell every time you'd utter that word and he'd not be able to deny you anything. Not that he ever wanted.

He slowly pushed inside of you, stopping at every inch to wait for you to adjust. "Are you okay?" he whispered.

You nodded, your breath hitching as he began to move again. He kissed you, your nails digging into his back as he stretched you more. He was so gentle, it was unlike anything you'd ever experienced before. This was not the normal rough, lustful sex. This was the man who loved the sight of you, the sounds of your pleasure. This was the man who wanted to make love to you, to show you what true pleasure was.

Your fingers sank into his back again, and he responded by thrusting into you harder, your moans getting louder. His lips traveled down your chest, his tongue flicking a nipple as he pushed into you again.

"Oh, god." you moaned, George's name falling from your mouth repeatedly. Your hands dug into the sheets as his thrusts grew harder, deeper.

"You feel so good... so damn good," he kissed your skin. "Making me feel like I don't ever want to take anybody else again."

"Don't stop, please, whatever it is that you're doing, please, just don't stop." you cried, twining your legs around him to press him deeper.

He moaned in pleasure when you did, his hands tightening their grip around you. His breathing grew heavier and faster, your bodies reacting to each other. He was so close, and he could feel you held right on the edge.

You cried out his name, your form shuddering under him. He had no intention of stopping, and he continued his movements as you kept shaking, your voice loud enough to wake up the whole apartment complex.

"You, George, only you…" you whispered into his ear as you were coming down.

You felt his whole build shake, his cock pulsing inside of you, but it wasn't enough. You wanted to hear him as he climaxed. You wanted to hear the sounds he made, the sweetest song in the world.

"George… George…" you panted, your breathing coming out in jagged breaths.

He cursed, as his body trembled with pleasure. His hands tightened around you, pulling you closer as he came. You buried your face in his neck, your fingers playing with his hair. He kissed you, holding you close to him. He wanted to stay inside you forever, to feel the sight of your face as he pleased you. You did that to him. You were the one making him see another reality where only he and you existed.

But he pulled away, your eyes searching for his as you slowly came back to reality. He kissed you again, his lips landing on yours.

"That was amazing… you were amazing…" he whispered, stroking your face gently.

"So were you." you said back, playing with the bangs that fell over his forehead.

He rested his head on your chest, finding a comfortable spot, your hands moving into his hair.

"Are you going to stay?" you whispered, uncertain.

"Only if you want me to."

"Always."

He hugged you tightly and rolled over so that you were now on top of him. His fingers softly ran along your back as your body let go and fully relaxed. The peaceful sound of your heartbeats and his breath seemed to take over the room. You drew near to him, feeling the up and down movements of his chest gently rock you to sleep, matters of your friendship left for tomorrow's morning news.

Next part

[urf1lterr]

afterglow | pedro pascal [2/3]

"tell me that you're still mine, tell me that we'll be just fine, even when i lose my mind"

previous chapter: [1]

summary: being nominated for an oscar was a dream come true, until you had to spend the rest of the night near your deceitful ex who still loved you.

pairing: actor!pedro x actress!reader

genre: acting world!au, enemies/exes to lovers ?? au | angst, fluff, fighting, mature

word count: 15k

status: 2/3 complete

author's note: SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT LOVES. even though its gonna be three parts lol i still want you to want more. i've been confused on my writing because tbh- i feel like i could do better and keep rushing with these storylines and end up regretting them AFTER they are posted lol. not edited- it really isn't.

"Let's cut the chit-chat and get some real answers, why did y'all breakup?"

"Andrew!"

"Three days have passed, she's fine now," he defended, shrugging as Florence shot him an irritated look by his prying behavior.

It has indeed been a few days since the terrible night that consisted in you meeting your favorite artist, crying beside her, running awkwardly away right after, having a screaming match with your ex, and then passing out in the car.

So, you couldn't deny it wasn't a memorable night.

The past three days could've been better to say the least if your management team stopped spamming you with text messages concerning the fight, maybe even ignoring the loads of pictures of your crying face.

Oh, the pictures. Not a fun sight to see.

Luckily for you, the pictures were only ones inside the party near Andrew- not Pedro. Unfortunately, though, your picture was turned into a 'crying in the club' meme.

You couldn't exactly be mad over it, you loved memes.

Thank the Lords the paparazzi were clueless and never ended up catching your argument with Pedro or you wouldn't know how to cover it up.

You could never get away with the typical 'friends fighting' after he shouted how much he loved you.

And bless the celebrities near you for minding their business.

To clear up your meltdown, you took it upon yourself to send out a quick tweet the next morning with a "i'm sorry i'm an emotional drunk. one second we're talking about 500 days of summer and then...well you already know how THAT ends."

In that moment you couldn't care less if people believed you or not, this was going to pass fast anyway.

Now here you were, sitting in front of your kitchen bar as Andrew and Florence decided to pay you a visit because they missed you- or so they say.

Realistically, they wanted to see if you were still a hot mess.

Which you weren't, obviously.

Shailene would have tagged along, but she was busy doing grown up things, such as working on her latest project Andrew claimed which was a slight bummer. She was the mediator, now who else was going to stop the arguments calmly between your two friends.

Florence disagreed, shaking her head. "You can't just ask her that, it's impolite."

Sighing, Andrew sent you an apologetic glance. "Okay, I am sorry." Not taking his eyes off you, you could feel his curiosity and eagerness from the other side of the kitchen. "But we're all thinking it."

Judging by how unresponsive Florence became, you could tell she wasn't going to fight him on this. And well, she was secretly on his side because your fight with Pedro was seriously excessive.

She just wanted to know what he could've done to make you so angry, it didn't make sense to her if he did cheat. He didn't seem like the type, but some people do the most surprising things- so she couldn't really tell.

"Do you want the last reason or all of them?"

Widening his eyes, Andrew shares a glance with Florence for a swift second before finding your eyes. "Last reason?"

"The last fight we had that led us to finalize our breakup."

"Finalize," he giggled, leaning on the marble counter. "This isn't a divorce process."

"For a person who is so concerned about my relationship crisis, you seem to be catch on to the most irrelevant stuff."

"So you admit you still want to be with him," Andrew declared, giving a smug look as you tried to process his words. "If you're still stressing over him, it means you don't want to let him go."

"I never said I was stressing over hi-"

"Did she or did she not just claim she was undergoing a crisis-," Andrew interrupted, slightly raising his voice. "-a relationship crisis, to be exact."

Florence sheepishly looked your way, capturing your stern expression before slowly nodding.

Your male friend clapped his hands loudly before bursting out a wider grin, happy someone had his back. "There we have it, if he's on your mind that much to turn into a crisis- you still love him!"

Furrowing your brows, you didn't know how to respond. It was true, you had many moments where Pedro agitated you even when you haven't been near him for quite some time.

But isn't being wound up over an ex part of healing?

Truth be told, you knew your feelings for Pedro hadn't completely disappeared, but love? You weren't even sure love existed by your past experiences.

"I do not love him," you hiss, vigorously snatching the water bottle on the counter and aggressively opening it. "How can love be real? It's baffling."

"Questioning the real question with a question," he sneers, making Florence and you become confused as ever. "You're so in love him."

Florence cuts in, squinting her face in puzzlement. "Wait- what's the real question she's supposedly questioning with a question?"

"Love!" he cheers happily before placing his hand on his palm, dreamingly gazing at you. "You have your doubts on what love may be, but without knowing it you're having them because you're questioning your love to Pedro since you're too scared to admit you still love him."

"I don't get it."

Rolling your eyes, you swiftly turn away and head towards your living room to lay on your couch. You were not in the mood to have someone else tell you what your feelings were when they weren't you. "I'm done with this conversation."

Hearing a low slapping noise, following an irritated hiss, you could make out Florence's displeased voice. "See what you did! Now she's not going to tell us."

"So much for moral support, you really are nosy," Andrew fought back, whispering loudly.

A minute or two went by since you couldn't make out what they were saying before rushed footsteps soon made their way near you as your friends awkwardly smiled, hoping they didn't upset you too much.

Because they really wanted to know the drama.

Pushing him roughly from behind, Florence sent you an innocent smile as Andrew landed near your side of the couch, trying his best to hold his composure and not turn back around and start another fight.

Placing a light hand on your shoulder, you blankly glance at it before meeting his attention. "We just wanted you to know we totally understand if you aren't comfortable...expressing your past-"

"Get your hand off me and let's get this over with so you two can leave already."

Florence quickly sat right beside Andrew, both not offended with your statement because they were fully aware of how annoying the were becoming.

Before you could say anything, Florence quickly spoke aloud. "Start from the beginning!" Andrew slowly looking back to her, he sent her a confused look. "So we aren't lost, of course."

Laughing lightly, you nod before adjusting yourself on your seat. It was going to be hard to remember all the details clearly because there really wasn't an exact time issues occurred, it kind of just naturally appeared here and there.

Now that you think of it, majority of the tiny disputes during the earlier days of your relationship were probably on the same level as when you two were splitting, but maybe the dense ones created towards the end really made it hard to continue.

"If I'm being totally honest, we never really had problems when we first started dating. He was really great," you begin, clutching onto a pillow you found right beside you. "And he would always make sure to watch me make it inside my house before leaving, that was when I knew he wasn't some fling."

Andrew smirked, nodding proudly. "Classic move."

Smiling at the thought, you focused your mind to uncover the ugly truths that slowly tore you two apart.

"But then one day, I wanna say a few weeks after our second anniversary, we just started...fighting?"

Tilting your head, you look down as sad memories began pouring through your mind completely. "It wasn't our usual small fights over who left the bathroom floor wet or dropping his ipad in the pool-"

"-you dropped his ipad in the pool?" Florence coughed, bewildered by your scandalous actions.

"He wanted to know if it was waterproof," you defended.

"Was it?"

"No," you nervously reply, avoiding their eyes. "But he had it backed up and I bought him a new one!"

"That was kind of a bitchy move," Andrew muttered, catching your pissed gaze. "But at least you made up for it!"

Maybe it wasn't that great of an idea to just throw it in, but he did say he was really curious and wanted to dump it under the sink.

"Anyway," you start back up again, making Andrew lowly sigh in relief. "Our fights were never that serious, or at least not until he started filming for that new tv series he joined."

Florence spoke up, lightly questioning "The Last of Us?"

Nodding, you shrugged. "I guess it's normal to say the time apart did cause a rift in our relationship, but it wasn't too bad. He always made sure to call and facetime at least once every two days."

"But one day when he was visiting during his week break he just...snapped?" you frowned, not even wanting to visualize the tiny argument.

You had to for your own good.

"He had been home for maybe two days before he suddenly became moody. Like- his attitude was insane, I have never seen him like this ever," you sigh, closing your eyes for a second before continuing. "He didn't want to go out to eat, didn't want me to make him food, and when I offered to have it delivered he slammed the bedroom door on my face and claimed he was going to bed."

"Woah, why would he do that?" Andrew asked, seriousness splattered all over his face.

You wish you knew.

"Not sure, I just thought maybe work was stressing him out so I wanted him to have his alone time to clear his mind."

"Did that work?"

Sitting up straighter, you send a sorrowful smile. "For the rest of that week-yes. He ended up apologizing to me when I tried going to bed and said his manager was being tough on him for some scenes they had done."

You remember the moment you walked inside your bedroom, disappointed that he was awake. Not wanting to cause more tension, you planned to sneak under the covers and deal with the incident in the morning.

But his arms slowly wrapping over your waist as you had your back facing him said otherwise. Pulling you closer, you remember the soft "please don't be mad at me" he whispered near your ear, making sure you felt his tight embrace as if to prove you were his.

That night ended with you turning your body over to face him, accepting his open arms as a way to answer his pleading way of forgiveness.

Like always.

"Once he went back to work, we still talked- but I could tell he wasn't fully engaged like he always was," you sulk, remembering the first time you caught him not listening. "It got to the point where I purposely stopped answering his calls."

Your friends quickly send you a shocked look, you continue before they could intercept. "I couldn't handle his lack of attention, I would rather have him panic from the rejected calls than just tell him why I was upset."

It wasn't your best move, but you were frustrated. It wasn't fair that he was the one who got to treat you poorly and you had to accept it.

You admit, maybe if you communicated with him about these issues you could've prevented many future arguments and even saved your relationship.

But you were human and sometimes humans act human.

"Then what happened?" Andrew asked, a curious appearance plastering his face. "You continued ignoring him?"

Laughing lightly, you shake your head. It was the plan, but plans don't always work out. "Actually, he secretly took a flight back home one weekend and confronted me."

Gasping, Florence jumped up in her seat and moved her leg under her. "No way!"

"Yes, way," you sheepishly reply, embarrassed at the memory. You can still picture the way Pedro stood in your shared bedroom as you stepped out of your bathroom, jumping at the sight of him.

Standing with his arms crossed with his bags thrown by the door, he was determined to figure out what was going on with you.

"I wouldn't say we engaged in a heated argument, but it was surprisingly really emotional."

Andrew leaned his body closer, too interested not to let his questions slide. "Were you guys never emotional? I feel like every couple experiences those moments together- it's what makes them stronger."

It should've made you two stronger, but instead it made you weaker without you realizing it.

"Pedro and I had our minor instances, but it never involved problems we were facing," you began, sighing slightly. "All I remember was finding him standing near the bed with no emotion- none. I couldn't read what he may have been feeling, he just looked so....empty?"

"Empty? That's not good." Florence commented.

"That could mean a lot of things, not necessarily anger," Andrew added, trying to make you feel better.

"I knew deep down he was mad, as he should be- I was the one ignoring him," you defended him, taking full responsibility over your childish actions. "But I could tell he was more hurt that mad."

"What did he say?"

"What's going on?" Pedro questioned, his eyes not daring to leave yours as you freeze- stopping your attempts at brushing your wet hair, extremely confused as to why he was here.

He wasn't supposed to visit for another month, or so he said.

"Pedro?" you squint your eyes, still not sure if he was really in front of you or maybe you were daydreaming. You were high off many shots of espressos, it's finally hitting you. "Is that you?"

Still staring plainly at you, he stays right where he was. In any other circumstances he would have run up and wrapped his arms tightly around you, but this night was different.

He looked disorientated, out of place. His eyes lacked intensity as his body followed, looking as stiff as ever. Even his breathing matched his energy, calm yet unsettled.

You left him confused and he did not like that. "Answer my question."

Batting your eyes faster, you realize what was going on and where he was. Gasping, you do the exact opposite of what he wanted. "What the hell are you doing here?! You're not supposed to be home- you could get fired a-"

Taking a hold of your arms, he stills you and ignores your rambling. "What-" he begins, moving his right hand to the back of your neck and forcing you to focus on him only. "-is going on?"

Freezing, you try to back your head away from his grip but he tightens his grasp, making sure to not be too rough so he doesn't actually hurt you- he would never do such a thing. "I don't understand-"

"You haven't been answering my calls, what else is there to understand?" He sternly recalls, not wanting you to bullshit your way out of this. "So you either have been ignoring me on purpose to be petty or this is your way of hinting you don't want to be with me anymore."

Shaking your head frantically, you try to talk but he cuts you off again. "-And don't say you've been busy. You and I both know I would have figured out if you had added projects to your schedule- your mom tells me everything."

If this were a good time, you would have laughed at his side comment regarding your mother, but it wasn't.

"Not everything," you spit out, causing him to squint his face and release his hands from you.

"Are you trying to tell me something? Are you not happy? Is that why you've been avoiding my calls?" he questions, tilting his head in bewilderment, not liking your attitude at the moment. "Because if you really don't want to be with me you should've told me sooner than leaving me feeling fucking clueless while I'm out in another country working."

"I'm not saying I don't want to be with you-"

"But you aren't denying it," he intercepts, firmly nodding in realization. "I get it, I'm just glad I know now and won't have to wait another month to finally understand how you're feeling."

Walking away from you, Pedro walks towards his bags and reaches down for them. You scoff at his disturbed demeanor. There is no way you should be the only one at fault here- you both made mistakes.

Pushing his backpack off his hands, he watches at it lands on the floor before instantly finding your eyes. "Are you seri-"

"Just because I'm avoiding your calls doesn't mean I want to end our relationship" you shriek, glaring at him as his eyes soften at your hidden truth.

Your angered expression and stiff posture hits him like a brick, there was something really bothering you and he was too oblivious to acknowledged it until you began overlooking him.

Taking a deep breath, you watch as your boyfriend intently examines you as if he's trying to read your impractical mind. Sometimes, he wished you would speak up when something was bothering you, in fact- he has told you many times in the past to do so.

But the idea of patiently waiting until it erupts is what he's sure you've normalized in fear of desertion. Or maybe refusal of reality- the two of you weren't perfect.

"What's going on?" He calmly questions again, dropping any signs of fury and replaces it with worry and concern. Reaching out to you, he softly clasps your shoulder before moving in a few inches. "Am I making you upset?"

Slapping his hand away, you cross your arms over your chest in agitation. "I'm mad at you!"

Blinking a few times, he couldn't believe how fast you spilled and chaotic your energy was. He's never seen you act this hysterical and to be honest, he was really debating asking if you were on your period or not. "Why?"

Pursing your lips together, you release your arms and let them fall on your sides. "You know why!" With that, you turn your back to him and make your way back to your bathroom to hide.

At this point, you felt it was acceptable to act unbearable- he left you feeling insignificant and you weren't going to hold it in anymore.

If you stayed there any longer you knew you would break down into tears. Showing your vulnerable side this early into an argument was too easy, you have to show how bold you were in order to get your point across.

Or anger across.

But it was really hard to hold a grudge, he was just so- loving, despite your recent incidents. Deep down, he did care about you and wanted to validate your feelings- or as best he could.

Grabbing anything you could find near your sink, you begin opening some moisturizer and splatter it around your hands to keep you busy. You could feel Pedro come inside your shared bathroom but you don't dare to peep his way.

"Honey- please," you heard him release a soft sigh as he stood behind you, watching through your huge mirror in front of the two of you. He could make out your distressed appearance and you were absolutely not fine. "You can't just steer clear from this, we need to talk about it-"

Slamming the poor jar on the counter, you swiftly twist your body to his front and feel all the rage taking control. "But did you want to talk all those times I called you?! No, you didn't give one fuck about me or Leia!"

"You named your dog after Princess Leia? That's smart," Andrew butted in, grinning. "You know, since he's in the Mandalorian and Star W-"

"We get it."

Maybe it was wrong to bring your beloved corgi into such a serious topic, but she was abandoned by her father too.

"I did talk to you! I made sure to call you whenever I had time an-"

"I'm glad I made it into your schedule- but maybe if you considered adding some compassion and empathy it wouldn't feel like I'm just another business call you hate!"

Panting, you send daggers his way as his eyes widen. Did you just say he doesn't care about your calls? Impossible- he loves your calls, it makes his days better.

"You aren't a business call and you know that. Honey, please understand- hey!" He cuts himself off once you finally had enough of his poor attempts to defend himself, trying to flee but he ends up being quicker on his feet and yanking you back to his arms.

But once you were wrapped around him, even though it was for pure captivity and not warmth, you instantly broke down. He didn't know you were in tears until he felt his shirt become damp and still then he just thought you were trying to spit on him out of anger.

Hearing your tiny whimpers, he immediately glanced down and lifted you up to catch a clear view of your face, despite your protests and blockings. "Baby, I-I didn't mean to make you cry-"

"You don't mean a lot of things," you spit out, swatting his hands that dared to reach your face. You weren't in the mood to make up, all you wanted to do was sleep your troubles away, especially with the draining work day you had.

Continuing your pulling, Pedro began becoming annoyed with your strong protests against his affection. Isn't this what you wanted? "Why won't you let me hold you? I want to console you, can't I be your boyfriend for the night and tomorrow you can continue hating me?"

"You see my tears and now you want to hold me but admit we'll still be out of place tomorrow? That's acceptable for you?" you laugh ruthlessly, allowing space to be brought in front of you. "Do you hear yourself?"

Groaning, he rubs his face hard before speaking his mind, trying not to sound too furious and scare you. "What do you want me to do? I admit, I did lack some energy-"

"Some?" you snort to yourself, your face still wet.

"Don't interrupt me," he declared, shaking his head at how rude you were becoming. "I wasn't the best partner, okay?! There, I admit it, but you don't understand how it is working constantly and not being able to see family and friends and-"

"It's like you don't even know me at all," you ignorantly chuckle over his nonsense and walk towards your bed.

What a way to dismiss your feelings.

"That's not what I meant," he sighs, following after and stopping you from opening your covers and hiding underneath them. "It's just hard being away from everyone I love, I'm in a different country. It's not like I can drive an hour away and suddenly see them!"

"I can't do that either!"

"Can't you just please, please, please- consider that my mindset is not good right now," he declares, his eyes filling with sadness as his arms slowly find your waist. Taking a deep breath, you watch as he looked up at the ceiling before biting his lip. "I know I am not being the best partner right now- or for the past few months, but I am trying."

As soon as uncertainty flushed your face, his hands tightened as his expression deepened into an emotion you never seen him explore before- dejection.

"I can't promise you I'm suddenly going to wake up and give you 110% every interaction we have," he began, his voice lowering as he tried to keep his emotions in check. "But I confess- I am being a little shit and I am willing to work on that. Just please- please don't push me away. Try to understand my situation."

He wasn't wrong, his life switched around once he accepted the role of Joel Miller and you should've known from the start he would face some difficulties. Maybe you were being too self-centered and invalidated his feeling too, not just him.

Sometimes he wasn't good with words when expressing himself and made you feel as if you weren't as popular as him, but you knew it was never his intention to hurt you like that. He had a heart and loved to use it.

Fighting over work should never be a reason to be miserable especially when it's how you both get your income.

"I-I understand," you lightly speak up, watching as his eyes light up by the sound of your now calm voice filling his ears. "I just want you to know that it didn't make me feel good-"

"Of course it wouldn't make you feel good, I was being horrible," Pedro intercepted, pulling you into a tight hug and landing his face in your neck. "And if I wasn't thousands of miles away I would totally spoil you with kisses and chocolates as my sorry."

"Chocolates are still in favor," you joke and feel him softly swat your bottom in disapproval.

Pulling away, he leans his face closer to yours and plants a sweet kiss upon your lips before backing up an inch and whispering softly, "I love you, you know that right?"

Smiling, you slowly nod and surprise him with a deeper kiss before answering him back with a familiar, "I love you, too."

"You better," he smirks, pulling his body on top of yours, hearing your light squeaks once your back hit the mattress and his lips snuck their way into the crook of your neck.

"Did you end up getting chocolates?" Andrew immediately questioned once you finished your long recollection of memories.

"That's not important," Florence rolled her eyes.

"I mean he did promise her it."

Chuckling at his curiosity, it amused you how focused he was about some candy. "Yes, he did- for like a month and then I got over them."

"Understandable," Andrew replied, looking down at his lap.

Florence jumped over him, making herself sit closer to you as he winced at her sudden movements. "Then what happened?! I mean, there had to be more right?"

"My god woman, I hope you're not working for TMZ," Andrew joked.

She shushed him before leaning closer to you, signaling you to continue on with your memories. "After that fight, things became pretty normal again. We would call each other with far more energy than before and he would even fly back home often to keep our communication strong."

"And how long did that last?"

Frowning, you took a small breath. "Like three months- then we started fighting more."

"Over?"

Rubbing your face, you groaned. "He went back to lacking energy! But that's not even the worst part."

"Please don't tell me he cheated," Andrew begged, covering his eyes with his hands while pulling a sorrow look. "I would never be able to look at him the same."

"I don't know if he did cheat- but I did find out two months before we ended things that he stayed the night at his exes."

Loudly gasping, the company you had began freaking out with their jaws dropping- literally. Florence angrily furrowed her brows, "you've got to be kidding? How is that allowed in a relationship?- It's not!"

Crossing your legs, you shrug as a way to answer her. You really did wonder what was going through his head when he did that. Sadly, you couldn't believe a word he said after you found out what he did.

Maybe that's why you were fine with ending things- because the trust was slowly disappearing.

"Not to mention he would always be with her and ditch plans with me," you form a tight smile, trying not to make things awkward but it was too late.

Who could possible hear this and not feel embarrassed for you? Classic move on his part to follow the 'being friends with my ex is okay' stereotype, but it only left you feeling unwanted and flawed.

Were you not good enough to be in his arms all those times he ditched you for her? And why couldn't he tell you what was really going on- unless he was truly hiding something unspeakable.

"Spill the beans."

Hearing a door slam, you jump up in a daze. You could feel sleep still linger on your body as you crank your neck to the side, capturing the bright '12:47 pm' located on top of your nightstand.

Slowly yanking your body up, you don't stretch as you hurry out of your room to the living room in search of the mysterious person who was either your missing boyfriend or an intruder.

Catching sight of his bright yellow t-shirt as he opens the refrigerator, you could feel your body boil up. "Where have you been? You snuck out last night without even telling me- do you even understand how worried I was?!"

Watching as he gradually turns his head to face yours, Pedro closes the fridge before leaning against the kitchen counter- completely relaxed despite your current state.

"I was out with friends," he declared, grinning to try and take pressure off from you- it didn't work. "I'm sorry, I will tell you next time. I didn't mean to worry you, my love."

Placing your hands on your hips, it pains you that you secretly don't believe a word he's saying. Normally, if this were the case, he would text you if you were sleeping or call you in the morning to inform you with what he'd done.

He did neither one.

Maybe you should test him? Ask him questions and see if he'll freeze up?

"And who were you with?"

He smiled, grabbing a cup from the pantry while easily answering, "Diego and Oscar- we had a couple of drinks and Oscar thought it would be best I stay the night."

Nodding swiftly, you examine him to see if there were any signs of him lying- there weren't. Fuck, you forgot he was an actor. It's literally his job to control his emotions! "And why didn't you call or at least send a simple text?"

After hearing your words, Pedro sends you a small smile before gently placing his cup down. Walking up to you, he opens his arms. "Baby, is that why you're so upset? Because I didn't call?"

Before you could answer, he engulfs you in his arms before swaying you both around. Feeling vibrations as he let out light giggles, you instantly dropped any suspicions you may have had because he had to tell the truth- he would never lie to you.

It's surreal how easily you could throw any convictions out the window when he touched you. It's like he jogged your memory.

"Well, why didn't you at least text?"

Removing his head from your neck, he squeezes you waist and sends you an amused smirk . "Because I was insanely drunk and if I would've used my phone it probably would have resulted in me leaving you hundreds of drunk voicemails confessing my love for you."

"And that's bad?"

He chuckled, shaking his head before pinching your side. "No, but it sure as hell is annoying."

Standing up straighter, you cautiously nod at his answer and watch as he lovingly smiled down at you. "Okay, I believe you."

"Did you really believe him?" Andrew asked.

"I call bullshit," Florence confidently declares, strong on her view that Pedro was not an honest person.

"Let me finish the story!"

Loud footsteps could be heard near your hallway as you stood behind the oven, trying your best to not burn these damn chocolate chip cookies.

Such a basic recipe yet so complex- it was truly aggravating.

"Y/n? Where are you?!" you heard you assistant squeal from a distance.

Trying to properly put your mitten on, you murmur a small "kitchen" before preparing yourself to open the oven. The amount of times you burned yourself thinking it was cool enough not to wear protection-

Point is- always wear protection.

Opening the oven door, you pull the tray of freshly baked cookies towards you as the footsteps became clearly audible. Right when the cookies were in your grip and being lifted, you heard your assistant yelp-

"Pedro was caught leaving his ex's house two days ago."

Throwing yourself up into a standing position, you forget about the tray of cookies until you feel the burning sensation upon your left arm. You accidentally pulled the tray too close to you. "Ow!"

Instantly panicking, your assistant rushes to your side in support and grabs a towel to fill with ice. Pressing downwards on the wound, you wince at the pressure that was building.

"What the hell are you talking about?" you still question, extremely curious to uncover what this situation was.

His ex? That's absurd, he hasn't dated anyone in years when you first met. It's definitely not like he was in contact with them when you made it official, he was always firm when it came with communicating with past relationships.

That was a big no-no, especially when one of your ex's tried reaching out after your last movie dropped. Pedro made it very clear how unhappy he was when he made an appearance at your premiere- your boyfriend not daring to leave your side and even blocking your view whenever your ex had the chance to gawk you up close.

At the time, people thought Pedro only attended because he was close with the director and has always been friendly with other actors. Little did they know he was being extra friendly with you behind the curtains.

"Someone snapped photos of him outside of her door! It looks like he just woke up, too." Grabbing the phone from her hands, you pull it closer to your face and watch what the screen uncovered.

There he was, your boyfriend of two-years smiling brightly as he steps outside her door in the clothes he wore the night before. The same ones he manipulated you with about being with Diego and Oscar that night.

Not just that, but peering on the side of the door was indeed his tall, beautiful ex who definitely aged like fine wine. Hell, she was gorgeous and everybody knew that.

And the fact that they broke up due to their long distance, at the time, did not help this situation. Now that they lived a few cities away, what now? Were you just a doormat he could walk all over and eventually throw away whenever he wanted something new?

Placing a gentle hand on your shoulder, you refuse to take your eyes off the screen as your assistant begins speaking. "Did you know he slept over?" Glancing up, she takes your downcast face as an answer and swiftly pulls you in a tight hug. "Oh no, I'm so sorry."

You were sorry for yourself, too. How could he lie right to your face so easily knowing he was doing it- intentionally. And the most fucked up part was he probably knew you would believe him- just like all the other times you did.

"I saw that picture!" Andrew exclaimed, bewildered at his recollection. "I thought the paparazzi caught him lacking after a hook-up- damn, I wish I would've known you were together sooner."

"Same, I would have unfollowed him," Florence added. "And nobody would've known it was because of you- since you two never been public."

Forcing a smile, you give her a tiny nudge on the arm. "Gee, thanks for being so considerate."

"Continue!"

"Open the god damn door, y/n. You are being overdramatic- it was one night! Nothing happened!" Pedro yelled, pulling the car handle harshly as you searched through your bag that sat on your passenger seat- looking to see if you had everything you needed before your flee.

Let's just say, things were pretty...eventful once you discovered his scheme.

For starters, after bawling your eyes out on your poor assistant's shoulder, she made her departure in order to clean up the spare bedroom she offered you to take if you weren't comfortable staying at your own place.

You accepted.

Once she was out the door, you fled to your bedroom and grabbed any suitcase close by and began stuffing it to the brim, not caring how disorganized it was professing as you reached for more clothes.

You were almost done packing your second bag full of makeup and bathroom necessities when you heard your front door open. Jumping up, you felt your eyes widen once you heard your name being chanted on by your boyfriend. "Y/n?!"

"Fuck," you whispered to yourself, drastically glancing around your now messy bathroom to make changes to your plan- only take things you really need.

Seconds pass and you find yourself zipping your bag and rushing out the door, that was until your body roughly collided with another- causing you to drop your belongings and land on the floor. Groaning, you hesitantly rise, immediately finding your boyfriend's body nearing yours as he pleads to help you off the ground.

"Baby, I'm sorry! I didn't see you coming out," he apologizes, using his fingertips to clasp your forearms to level you. "Look, I need to tell y-"

"Get off of me," you grit, forcibly slapping his palms off you, causing him to cease and stare stunned. He has never seen you once be this aggressive. Sure, you would reject his embrace whenever you two fought here and there, but slap? Not ever.

Brushing roughly past him, you gripped your larger suitcase by its handles and made a beam to the closest exit. You couldn't be around him, not when thoughts of him being unfaithful constantly drowned your head.

A strong tug of your makeup bag made you halt your movements, not by choice, as Pedro made sure to tighten his grip to prevent you from leaving. Glancing down at his now white, clenched hands, you glare. "Let go."

Shaking his head, he stared you down- irritated that you would just pack up and leave so quickly without even hearing his side of the story. Yes, he should have told you what really happened that night- but he knew how you'd react.

It was better to keep it sealed until he was ready to unveil- or so he thought.

"You let go," he hissed, raising one of his hands and smacking yours with it. You hate how much stronger he still was while only using one hand while you had two- fuck his strength and your poor muscles.

Groaning, you dig your feet onto the ground harder as you continue your tug-a-war charade with your selfish boyfriend who didn't seem to believe space was an understandable coping mechanism after he shattered your small heart.

"Fine," you yelp, shoulders falling slightly as he eases his grip- still holding on though. "We both let go on 3."

Tilting his head, he suddenly grew suspicious by your random middle ground. He knew you well enough to know you don't give up that easily, especially when he's fully sure, by your bolting efforts, you saw the picture. "How do I know you won't just run off after?"

"You're faster and stronger than me, you'll catch me eventually."

Internally agreeing, he knew you had a point. Even if you did escape, your little legs weren't going to get you far- he knows from all the times he tackled you down after you countlessly would steal his food.

"1," you begin, eyeing him to see if he would follow.

"2," he stared at you back, cautiously watching your every step.

Taking a deep breath, you count again. "3!" With that, you release your grip from your bag and watch as he still clutches on to the strap. "What the hell- we agreed on 3 we'd both let go!"

Nervously chuckling, he placed the bag on the ground and sheepishly smiled at you. He was glad to see you finally calming down. "Sorry, I didn't think you would actually do it."

Sending him an annoyed glance, he scratches the back of his neck for assuming you wouldn't follow your word. "Trust me, I always tell the truth."

Wincing at your cold tone, he frowns by your hard demeanor. "About that- I was going to tell you-"

Softly placing a hand over your head, you release a sound of discomfort and miss the way his eyes wander in curiosity.

"Can we talk about this after I take my supplements? I am not feeling too good," you cut him off, slowly touching your forehead as you watch his concern grow. "I forgot to take them this morning."

"You know you get bad migraines when you don't take them," he declared, sighing as he raised his hand and began softly rubbing your temple in ease.

He believed you were being serene because you weren't livid and allowed him to stop you from leaving- how wrong he was.

"I know but I had a crammed morning-"

"This is why we need to hire someone to walk Leia, we don't have enough time majority of the week!" he exhales, making you stare at the floor for the point taken. But there was no way you'd hire someone to walk your dog, that's ridiculous and a waste of money. "We'll talk after, let me grab them- stay here."

Sadly nodding, you allow him to flee towards your bathroom in search for your medicine. Peering you head a few inches to the side, you wait till the coast is clear before slowly, but firmly, grabbing your once lost bag and dashing out of your bedroom.

"I almost forgot about Leia," you muttered to yourself, instantly feeling bad at the thought of how quick you were to forget your baby. How terrible of a mother were you.

And what even was more mind blowing was how Pedro didn't catch your innocent acting. Truthfully, he must be trying to be extra helpful so you would believe him. Too late.

Finding your white corgi near the kitchen, you whistle lowly for her to follow as you peddled your way to your garage. "C'mon doggie, if daddy notices our escape plan he won't let us leave that easil-"

"Y/n?!"

Jaw dropping, you shoot a glance of panic to your dog, who only blankly stares back, before rushing to your parked car. "Just like Batman and Robin- now jump in," you hushed, opening the back seat so you could not only throw your bags back there- but also your tiny-legged corgi who struggles at first, but eventually makes it in.

Once you jumped into your seat and turned on the car, you catch a breathless Pedro rushing out through the door to your side. "Fuck."

"You tricked me!"

"You slept with another woman, asshole!" you yell back, glaring as he rolled his eyes- outraged by how unreasonable you were becoming. All he wanted to do was sit you down and have a normal conversation about this, but instead you kept running away.

Once again, he thinks you need to work on your communication skills.

"You used your failing health to your advantage- how sick are you?" he yelped, offended.

"They were gummy supplements!"

Touching your car door, he sternly peers at you as you quickly lock your doors in case he tried opening it. "I did not sleep with another woman," he started, inhaling strongly before releasing it. "Why would I do that when I am in a committed relationship? Huh? Do you think I am capable of cheating?"

Shrugging innocently, you pull a sarcastic face. "Not sure, I do know you're capable of lying- maybe infidelity is the cherry on top?"

Mouth gapping, he sends you a look of hurt and for a second you feel terrible by your choice of words. In your heart, you wanted to take it back- but your head thought otherwise.

"I would never be unfaithful to you- that's not who I am," he firmly states, feeling like absolute shit that you would even accuse him of being with another woman when you were all he thought about every single second of the day.

Dryly chuckling, you nod along to his words. He feels his heart ache, as if hundreds of knives jabbed through the delicate muscle by your painful mien. Did you really think that lowly of him?

"That's who you are to me now."

Once those words flew out of your mouth and he was able to process it clearly, he paused. Whole body turning stiff and cold, he scolded you profoundly before fiercefully charging towards your car door and pounding for entrance.

It was like a nerve was touched and he was not willing to be forgiving anymore. You struck him hard and he knew you meant it out of pure anger- not genuinely, but his awareness soon became replaced with treachery and he so badly wanted you to pay for your foul words.

"Open the god damn door, y/n. You are being overdramatic- it was one night! Nothing happened!" Pedro yelled, pulling the car handle harshly as you searched through your bag that sat on your passenger seat- looking to see if you had everything you needed before fleeing.

Mentally checking off your items before departure, you inhale sharply before lowering down your car's mirror and pressing your garage remote- allowing the door to gradually rise and Pedro to panic.

Cursing in his head, he couldn't let you drive away or else he might never see you for days and he couldn't bear the thought of you moping around in agony without at least hearing from him- the man in the picture- what actually happened that night.

Pressing on the lever and angling down to reverse, you nervously press on the gas and allow your car to drift back as your poor dog watched through the backseat his dad embarrassingly urging you to not go.

You prayed the neighbors couldn't hear a thing, if the cops came you're sure you would never go out in public for at least six months.

Realizing that it was now or never, you see from the corner of your eye a figure running towards the back of your car before a loud thump was heard.

Shakily, pressing on the brakes and putting your car on park, you jump out in horror by the sight of legs near your back tires.

You hit him.

"Shit!" you gasped, involuntarily sprinting- as if your body just knew how to react- and dropping down to your boyfriend's lifeless body-

"You ran him over?!" Andrew and Florence shrieked, interrupting your storytelling, causing you to glare and shush them.

"Shut the fuck up- it's getting to the interesting part!"

Hugging his body tightly, you could feel your face began to fall down and your body slowly begin to tremble. In a matter of seconds, you just knew your garage wasn't going to be a pretty sight to see.

Hitching your breath, you run your hands to your boyfriend's chest and shake him softly in hopes he would open his eyes- he didn't. With tears flushing down your face, you sniff as you grip onto him harder. "Please w-wake up," you begin, trying your best to keep your touch on him but you were a jittering mess. Not being able to stay still, you press your ear over his chest to see his he still had a pulse.

Sighing in relief, he did.

Squeezing his face, you frown as his expressionless face stills. Realizing he might have passed out over a concussion, your lips begin to tremble as you finally breakdown in tears and cradle him.

Leaning over from his side, you bend your body and embrace his head into your neck. "I am such a-a fucking idiot," you squeak, your eyes shutting as you don't have the power to keep them open. "I-I love you- I should've just stayed and t-talked-!"

Cutting yourself off, you ironically feel like the lifeless one despite your literal unconscious boyfriend being in your arms at the moment. Bitch, you really had the nerve. Swiftly kissing his cheek, you plunge yourself into his neck and cushion him with your body- being as fragile as ever when handling him.

Quivering in misery, you keep a strong grip onto him before you felt pressure along your side. "It's been minutes and you still haven't called 911? I could've been dead by now."

Screaming, you instantly drop the figure once on top of you and force your thighs to back up, causing you to sit perplexed on the concrete floor.

Glancing back up, you find your boyfriend brightly grinning your way, using his arms to hold his upper portion up as you looked back in confusion. Didn't you hit him?

"I was my own stunt double for some scenes," he speaks up, smiling to himself proud as you continued staying still, confused as to what had just happened. "As long as you have the right mentality- you can take a pounding."

Registering where he was going with this, you scoff and quickly allow your feet to hit the ground. Following after you, Pedro jumps at your unpleased sight and watches as you cooly open your back door to let your dog jump out before marching towards the door to your house.

"Wait? Are you mad at me for that, too?" He calls out, tilting his head in question and proceeds to get his answer by the slamming of the door behind you. "Never mind."

Angrily storming through your hallway, you accidentally run into the wooden desk placed against the wall. "Ugh!" you scream, turning around and giving it one hard kick before making your way towards your destination- the kitchen.

"What did the desk ever do to you?" Pedro mumbled to himself, stopping right by it once you were out of sight and fixing it back up against the wall, making sure the books settled on top were nested properly before going after you.

"So that's why one of the legs is chipped? I noticed that-"

"Shut up, Andrew."

"Sorry, go on."

Finding you near the blacked marbled kitchen bar, Pedro ceased his movements. To be honest, he was nervous to confront you. Not only did you find out he slept at his ex girlfriend's house, but he made you believe he was dead.

This was not going to end well.

"How could you do this to me?" He hears you ask, you back being in his peripheral view as you leaned your body over the counter, hands gripping the ends roughly.

"Do what?" he idiotically responds back, mentally slapping himself for having the audacity to question something he surely knows.

Slowly turning around, capturing his soft yet worried eyes, he catches onto your tear ones and breaks down on the inside. "Tell me the truth." you gulp, averting your eyes to your feet as you sense him bobble his head. "Did you sleep with her?"

Choking on air, he frantically shakes his head in dismay, not believing you would actually think that despite the past half an hour of him comprehending that you might so. Maybe he just couldn't believe it would ever come out of your mouth- but this whole situation made him nauseous.

Steadily finding his balance, he inched towards your frail body as you kept your contact with the floor strong, not daring to move it even when the sight of his shoes play in your mind. "Honey," he lowly calls out, lifting his fingers to your chin and hastily bringing your vision to his own. "No- I did not sleep or engage in any sexual nor romantic activity with her."

"Then why did you go to her house and not tell me?!" you cried, nudging his hand off your face, him immediately aiming towards your waist to still have you near. "Why would you do this to me? Why would you sleep over when you know how I would feel?"

"I can't tell you," he confesses, whispering softly. Feeling your face fall, you erupt into tears again as you lift up your palms to hide behind them.

Hiccuping, your hands twitch as they support your weight and force you to fall on top of the counter and continue watering your tears there. Everything was unfair and he couldn't seem to realize how bad your fights have progressed throughout the months.

"If you really care about me," you whimper, still behind your hands as he rubs circles on your waist. "You would consider my feelings and understand why I should know what you did with her."

Sighing, he releases you waist and rubs his forehead in frustration. Pedro wasn't the type to hide things in relationships. In fact, he was amazing when it came to expressing feelings and being honest while you were the same- but you typically took longer to reveal your troubles than he did.

But no matter how loyal he was to you, it wasn't his place to share someone else's business no matter who the association may be.

"I know, baby. I know- believe me," he whispers, pulling you in for a hug and lifting you off the counter as your sobs were felt among his chest. It broke his heart. "But I can't betray her, she needed me and trusted me to see her. I can't just deceive her."

"But you can do that to me?" you reply, catching him off guard as he shuts his eyes tightly by how accurate you were being. "It's okay, I understand."

"No," he shakes his head, groaning before staring you down. "You don't understand, hell- I don't understand this either. But what I need you to know is I did not kiss, flirt, wink, tease, or touch her in any sexual way. We did not have sex - there was no removing of any clothing-"

"Then why did you sleepover?!"

"She needed me," he simply replies, causing you to laugh ridiculy.

"I needed you and you left me," you spit out harshly, not believing how he could defend himself and think you would ever fine with it.

Grunting, he runs his hand over his hair before pouring all of his stress onto you. "What do you want me to do? I told you what happened- she needed me, I helped her, it took longer than expected so I fell asleep on the couch- do you want to touch my knotted back for proof? Because you can!"

"Why am I the one being yelled at?" you respond, watching his face fall in disappointment.

Staying in your position for a minute or two, you continued examining him as he did the same, not knowing where this was headed. That was until he motioned with his hand for you to move closer.

"Come here."

Furrowing your brows, you pause at his words. Did he think hugging was going to solve all of your problems- because it wasn't. "No-"

Feeling his arms glide up along your upper body and finally wrapping around your shoulders, he pressed you up against his chest into the warmest bear hug you might have engaged in.

It was...peaceful.

Sighing, he felt your body soften by the touch. Relaxing, you closed your eyes as he made it his mission to not ease up on his grip. "I didn't do anything with her," he whispers, laying his face comfortably on your shoulder. "I promise, I love you."

Sadly, his confession made you break down more as tears flooded your face and your body fell upon his grip. Easily wrapping his palms on the back of your head, he cradled you tightly and never left your sight once the rest of that day and week.

And that's how that fight ended- with you trusting his sweet nothings and letting him take over your body with his hugs and kisses because he somehow made you believe him.

Every single time.

You wish you could have moved on from that topic that night as you allowed him to show you how much he loved you, but unfortunately that wasn't an option.

Especially when paparazzi exploited more pictures with him and his ex the following weeks later.

"And what about your last fight? You know- the one that ended things," Andrew started, making you halt. "What happened then?"

Quickly standing up, you brushed your sweatpants down before sending him a tight smile. Now that you talked about sad memories you hadn't really thought of in months, you knew the mention of your last fight would only break you.

You weren't ready to undergoing the same pain you felt that night.

"I didn't know these talks about my past would take a toll on me, but they have. I don't want to talk about it, but I appreciate the two of you checking up on me- I really do, but I think its time for me to take a shower and maybe nap- it's been a tiring day."

Feeling your discomfort, Florence and Andrew exchanged a weary glance before looking back up to you, hesitantly nodding. Probably an intense memory, they were determined not to mention it again unless you came forward.

"Alright- but give us a call if you ever need a shoulder to cry on or just plain old company!" Florence smiled, wrapping her arms around you for a quick hug before pulling back. "We can even have a sleepover."

"Count me out on that one," Andrew joked, bending down to give you the same hug. "But for real, you can cry on my shoulder any time."

"Thanks," you giggle, soon following them towards your front door as they say goodbye to your dog before departing in their own cars.

What an emotional day it has been.

-

"Do I really have to go? It's no use- I already seen the film. I don't want to rewatch it," you whine as your manager hushes you.

Walking down the side of the theatre, you clutch onto the oversized, black leather jacket you were wearing as your manager and assistant walked on either side of you, directing to to the entrance of a random theatre in the city.

Since the Oscars, nothing has really changed. It's been about three weeks now and there wasn't chaos anymore- it seemed like news about that night had already faded.

Regularly, you did chat with Florence, Shailene, and Andrew on the phone- individually at times throughout your past weeks- but nothing too crazy.

You all had your busy schedules and your manager was still being as hardworking as ever trying to exploit more of you to the press and on the screen. Safe to say, every time she had news it would always be something impressive.

Except for today, when she proudly announced after barging into your house during breakfast that there was a new film premiere you had to attend.

It's not like you opposed the idea- but you watched the film when the production team invited you to their private screening. It would be useless watching it again.

But as persistent as ever, your manager claimed there would be great press and directors attending the public's premiere, following with "an Oscar-nominated actress like you must make themself remembered."

As dramatic as always- but at least she was highly active in your career.

She did everything to make you get noticed, especially when you were at your lowest point mentally after your breakup.

Now onto past relationships, you hadn't heard any news regarding Pedro since you last saw him. Not that you wanted to, but for some reason he was still on your mind. Due to the fact you did sit with your friends ranting about your shared troubles, that's likely the reason.

But all jokes aside, you seriously can't stop thinking about him.

However, you were too scared to admit this to anyone. You tried telling Florence, but every time you mentioned his name she would immediately disregard him, pissed by how he treated you.

Which you loved that she had your back, but you needed someone else to have his own- oddly.

Maybe it was your head deep in thoughts that revealed how you were feeling, but your assistant seemed to notice that you weren't okay- mentally.

After checking in and finding a small crowd, you accepted that maybe most of the audience were in their seats already despite the film starting in almost an hour. Nudging you once your manager left to find one of the producers, you glanced at her as she motioned you to move towards the wall.

"What's up?"

She made a face, practically laughing at your question before continuing on. "Why don't you tell me 'what's up?' The whole ride here you've been silent and I know it's not because you were tired- you slept all afternoon, what's really up?"

Chuckling, you roll her eyes at how nosy she was being- but you knew she only wanted to help you. After working together for years, it was a ritual both of you performed: don't let the other be sad.

Surprisingly, it worked every time. She would hide you from people who upset you while you let her have more vacation days whenever she felt the same.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're thinking about him, huh."

Eyes widening, you shake your head quickly as she laughs at your poor attempt of denying her idea. But she knew right from the moment you got lost in your head that he was the one to blame.

"Don't worry, I won't tell," she whispered loudly, causing you to shove her as she laughed louder.

"Shut up, someone might hear you," you hiss, watching as she tried holding her breath to stop herself from cackling again. She just looked like a fish in need of water.

"Don't think about him then," she teased. "If it's making you lost in your thoughts! Wait- why is he in your head? I thought you hated him?"

Coughing, you shake your head. "I don't hate him- I could never."

"Never?" she raises a brow in shock. "I think we're seeing some progress here. You're falling back in loveeeee with him."

"No way," you scoffed as she grinned heavily. "I'm just thinking about the Oscars since that was the last work-related event I've been to since today and you know- he was there so he ended up in my mind...for a little."

She slowly nods, teasing a smug as makes it pretty clear she did not believe one word you said. Your assistant has seen everything, so she is quite familiar with your thoughts regarding Pedro.

She knows when your happily, sadly, angrily, and crazily daydreaming about him. In this case, she's stuck between happily and crazily- not seeming to find any hints of fury and sorrow through your expressions.

But definitely warmth and frustration- all due to him not being able to leave your head.

"When are you just going to admit you still love him?" She blurts out, causing you to snap your heard towards her. "Everybody sees it, you obviously have a soft spot for him if you let him be near you."

"Near me? He's never near me," you laugh. "And I never show signs I want him back, I don't. I made it clear for months now after perfectly avoiding him at all costs."

"Yeah, but he's still on your mind- that must mean something," she declares, causing your small grin to fall into a tight line.

That must mean something.

Did it?

Shaking that thought away, you reject her idea. "It means he traumatized me."

"It means you're in denial and scared to be with him again," she replied, placing her hands on her hips. "Look, I just know you two are meant to be. Next time you see him, talk to him. Tell him how much you care for him- even if you don't want to admit it in a lovey-dovey way. It can be friendly!"

Giving her a strange look, she lowers her energy quickly before looking around the room, making sure no one saw how enthuastic she became.

"You get the point!" she rolls her eyes. "Just be nice, maybe the both of you can form a friendship or just drift apart knowing there's no hard feelings."

"But there is hard feelings," you declared, pointing out the obvious.

There is a reason why you two broke up, like there is also a reason why you despise him. It all comes down to history and actions, which you've both experienced- which is why, again, you broke up.

"Just..." she started, thinking about it for a second before sending you a sincere glance. "-give it a shot. If you don't hate him, like you said, it wouldn't be terrible to be civil."

Slowly nodding, you understand where she's coming from. This tension between Pedro and you was getting old, and the fact it was only you adding fuel to the non-existent fire since you've broken up is sad.

Especially when all he's been around you was sweet and considerate of your feelings, leaving you alone when he felt your energy- except for that one night, but you have to admit that was your fault for riling him up.

The roughness of heels came marching your way, forcing the both of you to instantly lift your head- finding your manager striking a fake breaming grin with two men beside her. She was trying too hard.

"Girls! This is Greg and Shawn- the writers of the film!" she exclaimed, fluttering her lashes rapidly as both men awkwardly raised a hand, waving it.

Releasing a tiny chuckle, you do the same as your assistant walks closer, sticking out her hand to fully gain their attention and introduce herself.

What can you say- she was a charmer.

Wrapping an arm around your shoulder, your manager slightly pulls you closer to the strangers and strangely bobbles her head- preparing whatever gibberish was about to spit out of her talkative mouth.

"Y/n- the boys thought it would be a great idea to sit in the vip selection among other A-listers- isn't that just lovely? We are very grateful for your offer-"

Boys? Oh god- now she was bonding for her hopeful chances of getting a call for an audition.

Compelling a sweet smile, you feel the only possible response you could give them was a meaningless 'thank you so much' after she literally put you on blast to communicate more. The funniest part about this situation was- you already watched the film!

Clearly you never met these writers- but instead the director himself! Your manager should be satisfied enough with that.

"Would you look at the time,-" Greg- you believe, softly gasps while raising his arm to examine the tiny apple watch planted. "Guests are probably filling up in their seats by now, terribly sorry- but we should probably go."

"I hadn't realized how close we were to showtime- we certainly must continue off our conversation after the film is over!" Shawn proclaims, making your manager nod far too quickly. "I look forward to meeting again."

With that, the two men inclined their motions of farewells before taking off down a dimmed hall, likely finding the exact destination set to premiere their comedic film.

Sighing, you send daggers to your managers who barely blinks before coughing out a swift, "What?"

"You really couldn't wait till after the film was over to sweet talk them?"

Dramatically rolling her eyes at your annoyance, she waves you off by your sudden introversion. It was her job to throw her best compliments about you too them, and she knew you were still too young to understand that everything she did was for a cost.

You.

"C'mon grumpy, let's locate the theatre before you start whining that your feet hurt, too."

Feeling your mouth slightly drop from her remark, you hear your assistant cackle right beside you, using her right palm to hold in her giggles while you mentally prepared for what comeback to throw her way.

You got nothing.

Huffing, your legs followed hers as she guided the two of you towards the same hall the men approached minutes before. The closer you've walked, the larger the capacity gathered around.

For such a low-budget film, it sure did gain quite the crowd.

As the rolling of the ending credits flooded the screen once you sat the last two and a half hours trying to act as if you didn't know what was coming next, you wish you had it in you to say the second time made up for the first- but it didn't.

There we have it, tonight was just not your night and endlessly enough- you couldn't blame it on some silly excuse of watching the same film over again.

Not even your assistant's sneaky offerings of her red licorice lifted your blues- and that speaks enough volume to say the least.

"That wasn't so bad, now was it?" the whole-heartedly voice of your manager's voice filled your ears as the three of you sat in the same lobby as before, still not finding a way to escape a cold room.

Oh how you abominated the sharp hits of the air conditioning- it frankly made coming to the theaters a horror unless layers of clothing and a blanket was tagged along.

"Why can't we leave? The film is done and people are walking out."

"We still have to talk to Shawn and Greg!" your manager declared, presenting a look of pure determination to get her way with their levels of skill.

Groaning, you throw your head in absolute exhaustion. Fairly, if your manager hadn't had made such an early visit during the morning hours you're sure you would've been in a better mood.

It was like the more you interacted, the less energy you had to give.

In order to survive the next few hours, you needed your phone or who knows how your fake laughters will sound.

And you call yourself an actress.

Sliding your hand to the back of your pockets, you wait for the feel of your large iphone to surface- but that moment never comes. Swiftly, you check your leather jacket ones just in case you slipped it there without realizing.

You didn't.

Anxiously glancing towards your assistant, your trembling hands find her arm. "Have you seen my phone? It's not on me."

Examining your hands before meeting your eyes, she shrugs it off. "Relax, no need to have a nervous breakdown- I'm sure you left it in the car with your bag-"

"No, I had it on me during the previews."

"We did go to the bathroom, too- why not just go check those two places?" she suggests. Concerned filled you, hoping nobody was capable of actually stealing your phone- it would be such a hassle getting another one. "I'll check the bathroom, you check our seats."

Agreeing, the two of you sneakily escape your manager when her back was turned, unpleasantly speed walking down the familiar hall before parting ways to your needed locations.

Opening the thick, black doors and striding up the long runway, your eyes are met with the same darkened seating area you were in less than twenty minutes ago.

Then and there, you use this desertion in power- running towards the middle rows consider 'vip' and begin your inspection. Fuck, you wish your had some form of light to help- you couldn't see shit.

Sliding your fingers among the seat, you lift up the cushions in hopes it mysteriously pops up, but all you find is pieces of popcorn and gum glued down.

Gross.

Feeling your eyes begin to water, you were sure you were seconds away from crying like a little kid over the loss of your beloved possession before you heard a deep voice call out for your attention.

"Is this yours? I heard it ringing when I came back in and- uh," the person froze, not having the ability to finish off their sentence as you gradually lifted your body off the floor into their view.

Hopelessly praying the stranger was regarding your phone, your eyes search for their hands first and there it was- your phone!

The corners of your mouth lift up, as well as the creases around your eyes as you internally cheer for your discovery. However, it faltered once you noticed a familiar tattoo laying on one of their palms. Moving your eyes up, you're sure your smile completely disappears once you recognize those brown eyes.

How did you not catch onto his voice from down there?

"Uh- yeah- that's mine," you nervously reply, choking on your words that probably made you sound like you were about to lose consciousness by how strung you were, and hesitantly reach out for the device.

Pedro quietly lets you grab it, not saying one word as your hands collide for a split second before the object was back in your own. You didn't miss the name that appeared on the lit up screen when touched- your assistant must have tried calling you to see if the phone would ring in the bathroom.

Smart.

Avoiding awkward farewells, Pedro swiftly turns around and makes his way down the theatre stairs, not daring to continue on with the barely existing conversation you shared. He's leaving, that fast?

Thinking about all your past interactions, he would always try to chat with you- even when you did give him the coldest shoulder of all time- because that's who he was: kind.

But now he's...walking away?

"Hey- uhm," you begin, following clumsily after him, almost tripping on one of the steps as he reaches his final steps and doubtfully turns your way. Once you stood another step ahead of him, you feel that swirling feeling in your stomach again.

You were nervous- you've never felt this way around him during your breakup- never.

Adjusting your arms inside your jacket, a small smile is extracted out of you as you watch his stay flat. He did not look interested one bit and it frightened you to death. "Thanks for finding my phone- I-I was really scared there for a minute."

Not reacting to your little laugh at the end, he replied- dull. "I didn't know it was yours, I would have given it to guest services if so."

Ouch, you're sure you're hurt expression was recognizable on the outside as much as it pained you on the inside. He really did not want to talk to you, even when you're showing your appreciation.

He really was over you.

"I know," you squeak out, not missing the way his eyes tiredly scanned your own as his body stood there stiff as ever. "I just wanted to thank you, that's all- you saved me a lot of trouble."

Coldly laughing from that, he nods. "I'm sure I have."

Your body tingled with rage as he carelessly ignored your warmth and threw jabs in return. "What's with the attitude? I'm doing nothing wrong here- I'm trying to be friendly."

Inching up, his face presents a sullen one and you immediately feel intimated by the height he owned and used as his advantage. Just the first few seconds before he spoke alone made you feel his displeasure. "And what about all those times I was friendly? I received shit so forgive me for allowing you to experience the same treatment you give others."

Loss for words, you were speechless and didn't know what to say back. For one, you were alarmed by his hard demeanor he gifted to you. Second, humiliation soared throughout as he called out your imperfections.

In other words, he wanted you to know you were a bitch.

"And I take that back but-"

Pedro was about to burst out laughing in front of your face, but he held himself together in sake of your feelings. Can you believe that, despite the misery he still cared for your state of mind. "Taking back isn't apologizing."

Sneering, you cross your arms as his eyebrows furrowed in irritation. "Apologize for what? You were the one who fucked my life over."

Scoffing, he shakes his head in vexation by your lack of empathy- as always. "Countless of times we would contemplate our faults and how we could move on and now you're discounting your wrongdoings- typical."

Pedro did not want to have another unpleasant argument with you, especially in a public setting again, and decided it was best to just walk away. If he kept his mouth shut, he wouldn't make this altercation worse.

Meeting his broad back, you lightly gasp as he ignores you altogether and makes his leave far too early for your liking. Charging towards him, you feel his back solidify once your fingers yank him to a halt.

You were not done with this conversation, but you did know once you got home you were definitely going to regret how toxic you were radiating in the room.

"Typical? What do you mean by that?"

"Knock it off and let me walk away, y/n," Pedro warns, still facing his back towards you after blocking your attempts of moving him. "We both know how badly this will end."

You know, but for some reason you don't want him to leave. Was that so bad?

"No, I wanna hear exactly what you have to say about me- maybe it'll make me recognize the ignorant ego I have."

"You're talking out in anger, you're trying to cause a fire that I won't let you ignite," he simply replies, his eyes still not found by his hidden appearance.

Very poetic.

Scowling profoundly, you don't realize what you're doing until you're finally met with his provoked display after. Stalking around his body, you stand in front of him and jab a finger towards his chest. "You're preventing me from bettering myself, isn't that what you always wanted?"

Leaning down until his face with inches away from yours, you make out his hard features clearly now. His face expressed discomfort as his eyes creased while lifting- even his lips stayed hard as a rock. "I'm going to tell you one more time, let me go."

Ignoring his cold shoulder, he inhaled a sharp breath before taking matters into his own hands. You don't want to listen? Fine. But he wasn't going to let you drag him into this any further.

Right as you push another finger up against him, your wrist was taken and roughly pushed down by your side as Pedro's body practically belted against yours. "Get off me!"

"Not until you stop fucking around," he grunted, immediately widening his eyes in realization. He knows you don't like when he casually curses directly to you- even when he doesn't harm. "Sorry- I-I meant when you stop playing around."

Praying that a smile doesn't escape you, it made you feel some type of way capturing his manners and how even though you two were on rocky terms- he still had some respect for you.

"Why are we even fighting right now?" you sigh, slowly softening your muscles in forfeit.

"You tell me- it sounds like you want my attention," he casually replied, releasing your hands and stepping back an inch. "Considering you won't let me leave."

"I'm just trying to have a normal, polite conversation! Is that so wrong?"

Softly laughing, he shakes his head in disappointment. "You don't get it."

Scrunching your face, you become lost by his words. "Get what?"

Scanning the wall before meeting your eyes again, Pedro motions his hands between the two of you. "What do you think will come out of us having a conversation? Acquaintances? Maybe a friendship?"

Thinking about it for a second, you feel your head eventually nod as he squeezes his eyes shut in return. Was that not what he's been trying to do- end in good terms? "It's what's healthy for us."

"Us?!" Pedro groans, sending you a tired gaze that had you weak to the knees. "There is no 'us' anymore. You made that perfectly clear after causing a scene last month in front of your friends."

"I didn't plan on that happening a-"

"I'm even letting go the bigger scene you caused inside the after party- isn't that enough to understand why I feel this way?" he adds on, frustrated that you would think otherwise.

You were the one who caused the attention and brought a bad look on his name. He should be shouting at you like you would have done to him if the roles were reversed.

"I'm not saying we should get back together, all I want-"

"-is a friendship? Some sort of relation that won't make us strangers?" he interjects, causing you to stay silent. That was all he needed to understand what you really wanted: not to let him go. "Look, we had our history, but I don't think it's good we keep in contact anymore."

You swear you felt all air leave your body as your face felt cold. Was he breaking up with you- in life itself?

"I-uhm don't- I don't understand," you cough, scared to make a bigger fool out of yourself. You're sure you probably look like a ghost by how much color you've lost since his recent reveal and again- you were grateful this room was dim. "Why can't we at least be friends? Not even that- why can't we at least know we have each other in our lives? Why end up as strangers?"

"What do you mean? We hadn't talked to each other in almost a year till last month! We basically are strangers," he exclaimed, causing you to look down at your feet as your heart ached.

He wasn't wrong- you just hadn't realized he's been right. And to blame was you, not him. You pushed him away in the first place, he was only kind enough to oblige.

And it was surely pathetic how now you wanted him back in your life, even if it meant not even talking just to assure yourself he still had your back.

He didn't.

"Y/n..." he sadly muttered, trying his best not to hurt your feelings as you were still continued to stay downwards- not wanting to disclose more hurt. "You didn't even say happy birthday to me, how can you be considered a friend? Friends don't do that, not to me at least."

This caused you to glance back up to him, disagreeing immediately as to what he was trying to get at. Of course you knew it was his birthday, you celebrated two with him in the past! "I didn't want to make things weird-"

"You never do but still avoid me like the plague and breakdown whenever I'm too close to your liking. I'm sorry for trying to do what's best and leave us in the past,-" he explains, closing his eyes in discomfort, "-but I can't keep letting this go on. I'm too old to be going back and forth as if this is some high school relationship- it's not."

High school relationship- you never knew simple three words could have you shrinking in guilt.

"And I know things will be easier for you when the time comes- I won't be around to nag you," Pedro tries to lighten up the mood but you can't break the line upon your lips. You were emotionless and it made Pedro upset.

Why would he be upset? You finally deserved learning your lesson after treating him as if he was nothing to you. But despite all your flaws, he still cared for you.

He cares so much that he's willing to let you go so you can do better things in life- without him.

Trying to find the right words to say, you give up. There isn't much to discuss now that he wants nothing to do with you.

You fucked up- for real this time.

In fact, you shouldn't even be hurt- you wanted this. Or at least that's what you thought before last month when he wasn't on your mind 24/7.

Maybe it was the way he begged for your forgiveness after not seeing each other for so long that made you realize how badly you adored him nearby.

Maybe it was the attention he was giving you after you continuously rejected his pleads, furthering the argument until he stormed off in the end.

And maybe you should've took his concluding estrangement announcement seriously before he left you last month.

But just like they say, you never know what you have until it's gone.

"I see," you quietly respond, slowly nodding as a faint grin forms among Pedro's lips, appreciating your cooperation over this mess. "Maybe it is best if we stray away from each other- you can even delete my number."

"I already have," he accidentally blurts out, not realizing how bad that sounds until he hears it himself and cringes. Your sufferable reaction didn't make things better.

"You know what," you fake a laugh, trying to calm your voice as you feel it about to crack any second. The tears were heading your way- you just knew it. "Fuck you."

Pedro's face falls, taken back by your inappropriate language. "Excuse me?"

Noticing your rushed attitude, he wanted to stop you and tell you everything was alright. That everything was going to be easy and how the two of you would get passed this.

But he knew he'd be lying.

"You heard me, fuck you," you casually slip out, scoffing as his eyes darken. "For someone who's so kind to others, I would have thought you would know what words were right to say."

"You're one to talk, sweetheart," he chuckled, staring at you in repulse. "Every time you talk you always have to neglect someone else, I'm fucking glad I don't have to witness that ever again."

"Me too, my family was right- you are a joke who wasted my time."

With that, you make your leave to have the chance of having the last word. Maybe if you left this room faster he would forget about your comment. You knew it was harsh but you didn't know what else to say.

You wanted him to hurt- but to what extent?

Your arm was instantly tugged as Pedro pulled you back, not letting his grip go as his face was still filled with resentment. "And your team was right, you are a bitch."

Freezing, you stare at him in shock as his face doesn't fall once. What the hell is he talking about? "Get away from me or else-"

"Or else what? Weren't you the one physically blocking me from leaving minutes ago? What has changed?" he tries to smirk, manipulating you into believing how ruthless he could be when really he was dying to tell you the act he was pulling. "Cat got your tongue?"

Your face felt hot with rage as you yanked your arm off his hand, catching him by surprise as you glared at him. "I'm so glad I never took you back, you're fucking pathetic."

"And I'm insanely glad you didn’t, saved thousands returning that fucking ring."

Those twelve words made you halt and even made Pedro speechless. By the staggered look planted on his face, you could tell he didn't mean to say that.

Ring? As in, an engagement ring?

Weakly failing to stand straight, you felt your voice crack. "You were going to propose?"

Shaking his head, he swiftly backed away. "I need to go." Before you could stop him, he was already out of the theatre and probably near larger gatherings of people that would only prevent you from talking about this more.

Holding your face with your hands, you couldn't even cry. You didn't know what to do, you were utterly lost for words.

If he was really going to propose like he hinted at, what meaning did your last fight have? Nothing made sense and you don't know how you could move on from this now that he wanted you out of his life completely.

Hearing doors open, you instantly averted your gaze in hopes he had come back in and planned to properly finish what he started.

Instead, you manager came barging in while gripping onto your assistant's wrist harshly.

"Where the hell have you been?! I've been looking for you everywhere and to find out your stupid assistant-"

"Don't you dare disrespect her," you sternly cut her off, watching as her face falters by your sudden tone. "If you're here to pester us some more, feel free to walk home."

Laughing in shock, your manager tilts her head at your rudeness. "Excuse me? It wasn't my fault your assistant wondered off. After everything I have done to protect you and your career you feel the need to throw me out-"

"Did she hurt you?" you cut her off, focusing on your assistant who has gone quiet. You notice the redness on her small wrists before she slowly nods, looking down in fear your manager would try something else.

"You're fired," you simply state, pushing past your frantic ex- manager as you lightly guide your assistant out the door.

You ignore the rage your ex- manager unveils as you make it back to the lobby. Ignoring the waves random people sent your way in hopes of finding your destined car sooner so you could help your assistant with her injuries and be home already.

And in bed to think about what the fuck just happened tonight.

+

tagslist: @d4rno @ddeonmixx @sloanexx @soilaluna @o-sacra-virgo-laudes-tibi @floralsightings @prettiestmark @queereddie @beltzboys2015-blog @valopz @thhriller @lovebynorth @tomorrowseverything @cheesemittens @jasminedragoon @prettyinpunk85 @marysucks-blog @iwillbiteabitch @daddy-din @blacklist07 @amberpanda99 @sciencebros1128 @jklkverr @nini123 @miss-goldenweek @pedropascalfan221 @sagggy @aphrcdites @spacelatinos4life @esstark @tongibatongi @maviee @gimalo135 @spicymochi15 @kittenlittle24

[lovivelle]

yttd chapter 3-2 predictions!

i saw a bingo card going around on twitter... and i completed my own but id really like to dive into my predictions a bit!! under the cut because this is going to be loooong!

1. gin / keiji will die

for starters. i do not want either of them to die dude if gin goes... but whatever! i predict that they'll function similarly to shin and kanna, as in they're looked to a certain route. i'm going back and forth on the idea of the player making a conscious decision on who to kill or if it's based on former decisions.

now i don't necessarily believe in the memorandum theory, but i think it's quite interesting that gin and keiji are still alive despite them being mentioned clearly. (man who's views align with the girl = keiji and boy much younger than her = gin.)

at this point sara has come to care so deeply for these two, with gin and keiji constantly being her rock and both of them risking their lives for her in chapter 3-1.

as for how they'll die, gin is really anyone's guess. keiji will probably die sacrificing himself for the group i feel.

someone else is going to die, i feel like that's inevitable. especially in emotion considering that the cast is stacked with either yabusame sibling still being alive.

2. midoris status

i have a sinking feeling that he's not quite dead. do i know what purpose this would really serve? not really! i just feel like he's obviously so influential and important... so i feel like him dying in the coffin would be. i don't know! either way i think we'll get some backstory and or clarification for him!

3. escape

i think an escape ending will be possible. i have a few ways i think it could go. but for clarification, i dont think emotion and logic are going to balance each other out. i've seen some people saying that emotion will take a dark turn and logic will take a positive tone, but i dont buy it.

if i had to guess, id say an escape will happen in logic (?) while i don't think that the two routes will balance out, i do think that some sort of story incentive will be given to make logic a viable option to play. shin is also still alive, and id say he's the most capable of getting the group out. (not to say i dont think emotion won't have a happy ending..)

an escape might happen after someone "wins". i just think nankidai will pull this to be funny. sort of. idk..

a good ending to the death game doesn't necessarily have to be a concrete escape, maybe there's another way to end it? idk!

4. shin tsukimi goes 10 dollar mode

i think shin just losing it would be! interesting!! it doesn't necessarily have to end with him killing someone or being a villain... but i think it'd be cool to see.

i think he will refill his role of being an antagonist in 3-2, and i have my reasons for understanding why he's taken a back seat thus far.

i think a catalyst for this could be learning about his relation to kanna.

5. joe ai

i have no concrete theory for this, it's just wishful thinking. why is there an ai of joe? is there an ai of kugie or nao? i guess we'll never know!

6. miley

miley has been seen helping the group before, so i think it'd be interesting to see her take on a more. neutral stance. she's in the preview images, so she's going to play some part in the story at the very least.

7. mishimas head

wishful thinking again. WHERE THE HELL IS HIS HEAD!!! WHY!! WHO!! WHERE!! WHAT!! HOW!! WHEN!!

8. learn more about saras family

i feel like this is bound to happen, given that it's been hinted at since the first chapter. while it's obvious that the mr. chidouin we see in game is connected to the games, id like to know about her biological family too.

9. shin / sara conflict

i think them arguing is funny. but also i'd like to see it resolved. he literally had an evil joe locked and loaded, hello?

10. closure for dummies

i hope they aren't forgotten when the story wraps up. maybe there's a way to speak with the ai again? idk. especially for emotion ranmaru, id like to see him again.

11. game overs

i think there will be a few random game overs like there were in chapter two (ex: qtaro betrayal, sara hallucination meter)

12. winner

someone is going to win. whether that be someone wins and the game continues or someone wins and it functions similarly to a sacrifice massacre ending.

if i had to place my bets on anyone id assume it'll be either shin or sara. but i think a yabusame sibling for funnies. idk!! it could be anyone!

13. joe

joe has been a driving force for the narrative since the very beginning, and i don't think he's going to go away just like that.

even if it's cheesy, i'd like for sara and joe to have another ai (or something like that) moment in the emotion route.

i would like to see him in logic though! whether sara remembers him or not, i feel like it hasn't been wrapped up as neatly as it was in emotion.

extra : my opinions on some prevalent theories!

memorandum : BOOOO!!!! TOMATO TOMATO!!!! IDGAF!!!!!

gin / joe mastermind : i honestly don't see this happening... i mean, gin is twelve! and he bleeds so we know he isn't a doll, so i don't see any reason for him being involved.

i feel the same way for joe. "surely her friend will also take part" doesn't really hold any weight with me? he's always with her, obviously he'll end up taking part. i'm assuming asunaro was expecting to pick up collateral damage since participants and candidates are literally written into the rules.

kai isn't dead : ahhh i don't really see it. i don't see a reason why he would be alive. the only person i could see living would be mishima!

ai theory : this only works as a concept for a banger fanfiction. feels lazy and similar to "it was all a dream".

and that's it!! i didn't proofread this at all so. pardon me i was just sort of rambling!! but anyways if there's anything i missed lmk

[cottoncandy-cult]

Babification Diasomnia 1

So because of limits I'm posting Diasomnia in 2 parts and Heartslabyul will probably be in 3. I'm not sure about Pomefiore, depending on how long the individual parts get I might have to give someone their own chapter though I'm not sure who it might be. I might conjoin Rook and Epel's, since after some research Epel doesn't have much experience with people his age or younger. So we'll see when I get there.

Lilia

Lilia hummed softly as he carried the little (Y/n) back to his room, it had been a few days since she had been turned into a child and Lilia was starting to enjoy it. He was gentle as he laid the sleeping baby on his bed and began to shift to his normal form. It made him feel nostalgic, caring for a child in such a form reminded him of when Silver and Malleus were young. Plus, he liked being so much larger than her, he felt like it was easier to handle her and carry her about in his older form as he could more easily balance her in one arm without worrying about dropping her. He sometimes wonders if it was that one time, he dropped Silver that made him so drowsy, if he didn't know any better, he'd believe it was the cost at least. "You know you really scared me baby bat, being so close to that accident. You spooked all your friends too, naughty girl." He spoke softly as he chuckled, moving to lift the little girl once more before he moved to sit in a chair by the window so he could read one of his many books. Once sat down and comfortable he cradled the little girl in one arm across his lap, opening up an old red bound book to read, his hand gently rubbing her back as he waited for her to wake from her nap so he could feed her some dinner and get her bathed before they played and got ready for bed. He was a bit nervous at first, humans were already so fragile compared to fae and his human was magicless on top of it. So, to be made into a baby made her quite fragile, he almost tried to convince Crewel to take her because he feared he may be too reckless with her. Of course, he came to his senses quickly, he was a general and a damn good one at that. He of all people understands restraint, and he's already raised a few babies so he could easily handle this.

"Lilly?" The soft voice called sleepily up at the male, the 2-year-old girl gazing at him groggily from where her cheek rested on his chest. "Hey there baby bat, I didn't wake you, did I?" Lilia set the book aside without hesitation, he had only been reading it to waste time. "No…wanna bubble bath." She would sometimes speak in short sentences; he wondered if maybe she was still in there and just couldn't articulate or act the way she wanted given her child like mind. He made sure to listen to her though, in case she was aware he wanted to keep her situation stress free. He chuckled, moving to stand as he brought his arm under her bum for her to sit on as she leaned against his chest. "Alright cutie, do you want to play in the bubbles tonight or are you to tired? You did have a big day today playing with the boys at lunch." He chuckled as he thought back to how Ace and Deuce played with the little girl; the duo having sought him out to see how things were going. Malleus often liked holding her for Lilia whenever he needed to fly around a bit when he got restless, it was honestly cute how her friends would interact with her in this state. He was starting to enjoy her state of being, of course he wanted her back to normal but having her like this feels almost like a bonding experience. A true show of trust and love as he took care of her while she was in such a helpless state, he'd ensure that she always knew she was safe with him around no matter the situation. "Don't know." She pouted as she tried to stay awake, she liked playing with Lilia after she bathes. "Alright, we'll see how you feel once we're done washing your hair." He smiled as he sat her on the carpet by the tub, setting a small basket of rubber animals in front of her to play with while he ran the water and got her Pjs. He lived for domestic moments like these, he really did. Humming softly as he removed his button up, leaving him in a sleeveless muscle top as he tied his hair back in a bun so it wouldn't get in the way.

Malleus

The dragon male had missed a few days of classes since little (Y/n) came into his care, he had been worried when he heard of the accident but had calmed down some when Lillia brought the girl to him and explained in full. But it didn't take long for his protective side to come out, he's sweet child of man was at her most vulnerable, she couldn't even properly communicate. He rarely left his room and never strayed from the dorm, he refused to bring her around people he didn't trust. So, he treated her like a treasure, having made a nest of silk sheets to keep the little girl tucked away in. He had Lillia pick her up some toys so she wouldn't get bored, much of his day was spent doing classwork at his desk in his room and playing with the sweet little girl. He'd often talk to her even though she couldn't respond, holding her in his lap as he'd read from a picture book about gargoyles. When it was time for bed, he'd remove his top so he could free his wings, preferring to sleep curled around her little nest with one of his wings draped over it. Lilia had taken several pictures that he loved to show off, the male was absolutely delighted to see how Malleus' instincts affected him and how Malleus had absolutely devoted himself to this little girl. Silver was often the one that brought him food for (Y/n), being one of the only ones in the little group that actually can cook. Though sometimes, times like tonight, he would bring the little girl to the kitchen so he could make something for her himself. Of course, he knew her list of solid foods she could handle wasn't very long, mostly fresh fruit, scrambled eggs, chopped veggies, etc.

Tonight, Malleus was making something special for her, a reward for behaving while in Sebek's care as Lilia and Malleus had to attend a meeting for house wardens and their vice wardens earlier in the day that had been considered mandatory. Due to (Y/n)'s accident, the house wardens and their vice wardens would be notified when members of their dorm are caught doing something dangerous in class. Of course, he was grateful for this, especially since he knew just who's dorm those boys belonged to. She had been a little pouty when he got back, clearly not understanding why he had to leave. But when she made grabby hands at him with glossy eyes, the big dragon absolutely melted into a giant golden retriever. He had been quick to scoop her up, rubbing his cheek on hers to soothe the little girl as he thanked the male for watching her and swiftly went back to his room so he could snuggle her. Now he stood near the stove, baby (Y/n) sat in her highchair and nibbling on some blueberries to keep her distracted while he put to use his cooking classes. He was making her some mashed potatoes and sauteed veggies, he knew she may not really understand the difference, but he wanted to make her something new as a reward for not being fussy while he was gone. He couldn't fight the smile that formed on his face when he turned to her with a small plate of food and her face lit up, his child of man loved to eat, and he loved when she enjoyed something he made her even more. "Let's get you fed, shall we?" He chuckled as he sat the plate on the kitchen island and tied his hair back into a ponytail before grabbing a spoon. He had done some reading when she slept so he understood he had to be careful when feeding her, not wanting to burn or choke her. So, each small spoonful he'd blow on for a moment, making sure it wasn't too hot before feeding it to the little girl. Each bite she gave a little clap, a cute little habit she had when she was enjoying her food. He had been so focused on feeding her that Malleus had completely missed the 3 pairs of eyes watching him from the doorway, the small group of his friends and protectors whispering amongst themselves about the sight of Malleus being so gentle and about how happy he seemed to be. Of course, Lilia was recording, he'd need something to show at the wedding when he was giving his speech about how he knew from this moment they would be together for eternity.

Silver Lillia would be lying if he said he wasn't a little worried about letting Silver take care of baby (Y/n) on his own, babies were a lot of work and Silver was pretty low energy. Though to his relief the young man was doing just fine, despite still dozing off at seemingly random he's never once done so without the little girl being somewhere safe. There have been times he falls asleep while holding her when in the Diasomnia common room, usually laid back on one of the couches, but whenever Lillia or one of the others try to go pick her up they don't get within a 6-foot radius before he is waking up and staring them down. He would let Lillia or the others in his close group interact with her, but he never liked leaving her alone with anyone. He trusts them for sure, but he felt guilty whenever he'd try to walk away and hear just the softest whimper from her as she reached for him. He gave in every time, which was why she went with him to all his classes, he had the ability to leave her with someone at the dorm but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. That was what lead him to this, Silver sat at the table in the lunchroom with his family from Diasomnia. Malleus had even joined them that day, the group in general just seemed interested whenever the baby human was involved. He found her interesting as well of course, but at this point Silver was starting to think Lillia might make a baby book for (Y/n) with the number of pictures his father takes. "You're doing well despite her being the first baby you've taken care of, much better than when I first found you in the woods."

Silver smiled some at his father's praise, wiping a bit of food from the corner of the little girl's mouth. "I had to do a bit of reading, but it's not as hard as I was expecting. It revolves around remembering she is little, she is fragile, and she doesn't know anything about anything right now. There is no such thing as malice when it comes to babies, so you have to be patient." He nodded his head as he remembered the words that his professor spoke to him that first day he brought her to class, of course Crewel insisted on holding her while he took part in making potions. But that also meant that Crewel would linger around his cauldron, giving him tips and tricks when it came to child rearing. Of course, he knew she'd turn back eventually, but he was still enjoying this virtually uninterrupted time with her. She was a cute and sweet baby, always wanting to interact with him and nap with him. He loved fixing bubble baths for her, he'd sit on the toilet in a tank top and shorts as he'd let her play with some little toy animals Sebek found at Sam's shop before he washed her hair and cleaned her up. He never took his eyes off her, the minimum amount to drown an adult is more than enough to drown an infant so he always made sure she wasn't near the faucet or anything she could hit her head on and would use a cup to pour the warm water over her head when rinsing out the shampoo and conditioner. Silver was patting the girl on the head when his thoughts were interrupted by Malleus's chuckle. "Very right, humans are fragile creatures to begin with. As are babies, I don't think I'd want to set her down either. Especially not in a school of magic, where accidents happen regularly." Lillia nodded his head, hovering his way over to the little girl as he hung upside down and poked at her cheeks. "The prefect is so charming, isn't she? Such a cute baby. Takes me back to when you lot had pudgy cheeks and chubby fingers." He smiled widely as (Y/n) giggled and cooed at him, gently grabbing onto his finger. She didn't know it yet, but she'd never be able to get away from them now. Even once she was back to normal, she'd be the center of their little world.

Sebek It had been a surprisingly normal day, exactly 48 hours after little (Y/n) was brought to them. Lillia and Silver had been somewhat worried about how the girl would do in the care of their loudest member, and though Sebek did his best he still had a few loud moments. But to their surprise the loud sounds never seemed to bother to little girl, only making her giggle and tug on his shirt in an attempt to get his attention. Lillia had kept an eye from afar, he knew Sebek would never neglect her or put her in harm's way but if anything happened and the boy became flustered the older man wanted to be able to step in and lend a hand. So far things went well though, very rarely did the girl become fussy and Sebek manages to be at least somewhat calm when narrowing down what she wants. He still gets a bit antsy when it happens in class, wanting to tend to her but not enjoying the curious looks he gets as he cycles through drinks, snacks and toys. Currently the two were out in the garden, Sebek had the little girl sat in his lap as he read from a children's book that Lillia had brought back from Briar Valley. The half fae male was quite attentive to the little girl, he kept her baby bag close at all times and kept it full of healthy snacks and plenty of water. She was around 3, and though she could talk she didn't do it often. When she did the girl could be quite quiet, often near whispering and leaving Sebek to be her proud translator who is just happy she is saying SOMETHING. "Bek?" The little (H/c) head looked up at the taller male, tilting her head before he started reading once more as if to not interrupt him later midsentence. "Yes? You need something (Y/n)?" The male looked down at the little one, her head was tilted back against his chest as she looked up at his face. Blushing slightly, one tiny hand held onto his sleeve as the other pointed to the basket. "Can we have a snack?" The little girl glanced at the basket before looking back up at the male, both missing the short bat fae hovering closer in an attempt hear her better.

"Of course, you wanna try the ham and cheese sandwiches I made first? Or do you want something else?" Sebek had sat the book aside and moved the basket in front of them, opening it up to show her its contents so that she could choose their first snack of the day. "Wanna sammich." Her small head nodded, confirming with him that she wanted to try his sandwiches. Granted the way she said it had him laughing, hugging her close but gently as he nodded. "Alright princess, we'll have our sandwiches first. But what about to drink? Do you want water or juice?" His hands reached into the basket, pulling out a sippy cup of water and an orange juice box. Holding them up to the little girl, watching her giggle and reach towards the brightly colored juice. He sat the water to the side for himself before removing 2 neatly wrapped sandwiches, watching her eyes widen as he handed her one half of a sandwich to start with as he got one of his own out. He was too busy fawning over how the girl was and praising her for being willing to try something "new" that he didn't notice Lillia hovering above them, recording the pair as they enjoyed their little picnic adventure together. He almost wished the prefect would stay like this, but he knew the young man would be a father eventually so there was no need to rush. He treated Sebek as one of his own, finding it helped with training the boy since there was a time and place for the active militant training the bat fae knew too well. As the two ate, talking about the story in the book Lillia took the moment to head back to his room. He was content that everything was ok, and he also wanted to go ahead and post the video to magicam to keep their friend group updated on the prefect's status and daily life in their dorm.

[xetswan]

The Hunger Games- Protector; Chapter Two, The Capitol

(Peeta Mellark X Reader)

[One] [Two] [Three]

"You have three minutes." A voice calls and I hear the door open. It's my family. Prim and Katniss pull me into a rough embrace, both crying.

"Hey, shh, shh, it's okay. We don't have much time, listen." I pull away from them, Prim's arms still wrapped around my waist as I put one hand on the side of her face. I also pet Katniss's hair.

"You're gonna be okay, Prim. I promise. Don't take any extra food from them. It's not worth putting your name in." I tell her, kissing her multiple times on the forehead.

"Kat, I'll be okay, don't lose yourself, use Gale as a walking stick. He'll be right there with you." I pull her in for one last hug.

"Just try to win. Maybe you can." Prim says in a broken tone. My breathing halts for a moment but I continue on. "Maybe I can." I smile at her. "You can hunt." She reminds me. "Exactly." Katniss chimes in.

Prim then pulls out the golden pin that Kat had given her moments before the Reaping. I stare at it. "To protect you." She mutters. "Thank you." I frown, kissing her cheek. I then moved to my Aunt Clare, my dad and Zayden.

My dad puts Zayden in my arms and then he hugs the both of us. I try not to sob as he squeezes onto me. "I'll be okay, dad. I'll win. I'll be back." I promise him the unpromisable.

"I know, I know you will." I felt wet tears land on the top of my head and it only makes me feel worse but I don't want them to hurt even more seeing me cry. He let me go and I gave Zayden back to my father, he didn't talk, he was very quiet.

I knew he didn't understand and the boy doesn't talk much in general.

Clare gives me a small embrace. She begins to cry, I rub her back soothingly. "Don't cry." I whisper.

"It's time." The same Peacekeeper comes back into the room. Dragging mainly Prim out. "It's alright, Prim." I wanted to comfort her but her big sister was right there with her and I knew she would be alright without me. If I win or lose.

I glanced out the window, wanting to break down but I still couldn't let myself. Not yet anyway. I hear the door slam shut and I turn around. It's Gale, he swoops me up into a hug, lifting my heels off the ground before we pull away from one another. "I'm fine." I told him.

"Yeah, I know." He nods his head.

"Listen to me. You're stronger than they are. Get a bow-" "I'm not that good with a bow yet, Gale." I argue with him but he stops me.

"You were getting amazing, trust me. If not a bow, get yourself a spear or something. You're good with close battles but you're gonna need distance most of the time." He assured me, I wanted to argue but the timing wasn't the best. "You know how to hunt."

"Animals." I remind him.

"It's no difference, [Name]." I shake my head. "I don't know if I can do it. 23 other people. Only one is the victor. Those odds..." I sigh, thinking about my chance against District 1 and 2. The ones who are practically trained to do it. Volunteer to do it.

"And it's gonna be you. Do it for Katniss, your dad, Prim, Zayden, and Aunt Clare. Think of them." He gives me one last embrace as the Peacekeeper comes into the room.

"Don't let them starve, Gale! Take care of them! Katniss is strong but she needs you!" I yell. "Let's go." The Peacekeeper drags Gale out of the room. "We'll see you soon, okay?" He shouts back to me.

I wasn't expecting anyone else to visit me, those were the only people I really knew.

Or at least I thought until the door opens for a third time and it reveals Peeta Mellark's father. The Baker, a man I've sold a few animals to for bread. Mainly squirrel, he loves squirrel.

"What you did, it was brave." He speaks up and I only stare at him, confused on why he's here. I'm guessing he already spent his time with his son before coming to me. "And to honor you, Miss Everdeen. I will make sure your family does not starve."

I feel stuck in place but I want to say something, do something to show my gratitude. "Just win this thing, we're all betting on you." He nods his head.

My eyebrows furrow, shocked by his words. They aren't betting on his own son? "Thank you." I mutter. He places a hand on my shoulder, patting it before moving back to the door and leaving the room.

Finally leaving me to my own thoughts, alone until we're moved to the car. Peeta and I are sitting beside one another as Effie sits across from us. "You two are in for a treat! Crystal chandeliers, platinum door knobs, and it flies. We'll be at the Capitol in less than two days. Now before you do anything else..." Her voice grows inaudible to my ears as I stare out the window. Just wanting this nightmare to end. When we exit the car, we're immediately boarding the Tribute Train.

"200 miles an hour and you can barely feel a thing. I think it's one of the wonderful things about this opportunity that even though you're here and it's just for a little while, you get to enjoy all of this." She informs us, both of us stay quiet in response, making her feel more and more awkward.

"I'm going to find Haymitch, he's probably in the bar car." She excuses herself, leaving us alone.

"Have you ever met him?" He asks me, I shake my head no. "Haymitch? You know, he is our mentor. He did win this thing once." He tells me and I look at him without turning my head. "Yes, I know." I huff out. "I don't want to talk anymore." I say to him, motioning for him to quiet down. Which he does until the door opens to see a drunken blond haired man.

"Congratulations." He pours himself a bottle of alcohol. He opens the ice container to see that it's empty. "Where's the ice?" He asks us as if we would even know.

"I don't... I don't know." Peeta responds. He slams the ice container back shut. "May I?" He points to the seat but before either of us could respond he's sitting down. "Okay, so uh... when do we start?" Peeta quizzes our mentor.

"Whoa, whoa. So eager. Most of you aren't in such a hurry." Haymitch snickers at him. "Yeah, I want to know what the plan is. You're our mentor. You're supposed to-"

"Mentor?" The older man questions, treating Peeta like he's stupid. "Yeah, our mentor, you're supposed to tell us how to get sponsors and give us advice." He explains to the drunk.

"Oh, um, embrace the probability of your imminent death and know in your heart, that there's nothing I can do to save you." He then sweetly smiles at us, my eyes squint in disbelief.

"Why are you even here then?" I ask. "Oh, the refreshments." He swirls the little drink. "Okay, I think that's enough." Peeta goes to grab the drink but Haymitch pins him back down in the chair with his bare foot.

"You made me spill my drink on these brand new pants. You know, I think I'll go finish this in my room." He gets up, I scoff, hiding my face in my hands. We're going to die so fast because of this idiot.

"He's gonna come around." Peeta stands up. "What's the point?" I stopped him. "I'm gonna go talk to him." The blond tells me, leaving to talk to the man.

The tv turns on and shows two men, showing footage from the 73rd Hunger Games. I don't pay attention to it. Only turning it back off. Deciding it might be best to clean up and go to bed. Or just have that time to lay down and cry.

I changed into a red long sleeve and sweatpants that were in the dresser. Before going to bed I take out my braids, putting them into one instead of two. I think about what my family's doing at this very moment. How they feel about everything.

I feel for my father who lost his wife five years ago and now has to deal with the death of his daughter on the big screens. All for stuff that happened 74 years ago.

Children punished for a war they were never even a part of. I just wonder how I'm going to die in the games.

Will it be by a spear, a knife? Maybe even my own weapon I decide to grab. Or the weather? Die of something lame. Who knows.

That night it was difficult to fall asleep, somehow I managed but only got five hours which was more than I even expected. I get dressed before going into the next car.

"You'd freeze to death first." I hear Haymitch's voice. "No, cause I'd have a lot of fire." Peeta disagrees. "Now that's a good way to get killed."

"Why's that a good way to get killed?" I question as I join them. "Oh, joy. Why don't you join us? I was just giving some life saving advice." He grins towards me. "Like what?" I tilt my head.

"Oh, I was just asking about how to find shelter." Peeta informs me. "Which would come in handy if in fact you were still alive." Haymitch adds in. "How do you find shelter?" I place my hands in front of me, clasping them together. "Pass the jam." The long haired man avoids the question.

"How do you find shelter?" I repeat myself. "Give me a chance to wake up sweetheart. This mentoring is very... taxing stuff. Can you pass the marmalade?" Again avoiding the question, I grab a knife that was on a place mat, quickly stabbing in between his fingers.

"That is mahogany!" Effie shouts from the couch she was sitting on. I then look back to our "Mentor".

"Look at you, just killed a place mat. You really wanna know how to stay alive? You get people like you. Oh! Not what you were expecting? Well, when you're in the middle of the Games, and you're starving or freezing, some water, a knife, or even some matches can mean the difference between life and death. And those things only come from sponsors. And to get sponsors, you have to make people like you. And right now sweetheart, you're not off to a real good start." He snaps at me, taking the knife from the table to get the marmalade.

"There it is." Peeta says, thankfully getting me out of this position as he points to the window. He gets up and waves to the cheering crowd.

"Come on, come on!" He tells me, I slowly get up. "You better keep this knife, he knows what he's doing." Haymitch goes to hand me the knife but I stop him. I join Peeta at the window, placing a smile on my face like the blond beside me.

Waving to the crowd.

The next thing to deal with was horrible, being showered down then waxed of all the hair on my body. The prep team talked about me as if I wasn't right in front of them. My nails being oh so dirty, my hair not being brushed thoroughly. The little patches of dirt or coal they can't seem to wash off somehow. Then as the three walk away from me I see them holding something.

"What's that?" I question, trying to look over their shoulders. They didn't answer me at first. "What's that!?" I repeat myself.

"We;re just saying we might need to hose you down again before we take you to Cinna." Flavius tells me.

The torture was over and now I'm alone in a room, cleaned, waxed, plucked raw. I don't understand why it was important when I'm going to be fighting for my survival. A man enters the room and I sit up to be kind of polite.

"That was one of the bravest things I've ever seen. With your cousins. My name is Cinna." The man smiles at me. "[Name]." I give a weak smile. "I'm sorry that this happened to you and I'm here to help you in any way I can." He assures me.

"Thank you, I'm surprised you didn't congratulate me. Like everyone else has." I huff out.

"Well, I don't see the point in that. Tonight, they have the Tribute Parade. We're gonna take you out and show you off to the world."  He leans against one of the counters. "What's the point of the parade?" I look up at him.

"You need to make an impression. Now, usually they dress people in clothes from their district." Cinna says, I nod my head. "Yeah, we're always coal miners."

"But I don't want to do that. I wanna do something that they're gonna remember. Did they explain anything about trying to get sponsors?" He asks.

"Yeah, I am scared I won't be what they want to see." I frown at the thought. "Well so far you're far more than anything they expected. I just think someone as brave as you shouldn't be dressed in some stupid costume now, should they?" He smirks, confident in me, something I can't find myself to do.

"I hope not." I say.

"It's safe I promise. It's not real fire. These suits are built so you won't feel a thing." Cinna reassures us. Both Peeta and I are in black outfits. My makeup black as well. My hair being put into two braids kind of like it was at the Reaping but way better looking.

"Looks pretty real to me." Peeta worriedly says. "Well, that's the idea. You ready? Don't be afraid." Cinna questions me. "I'm not afraid." I lied to him.

The parade gets announced and Peeta helps me up on the carriage. "Thank you." I whisper, when I talk it's as if the wind has been knocked out of me. "Of course." He says.

The horses begin to move and I feel my chest rapidly moving up and down.

"Here." Peeta takes my hand, I wanted to let it go but instead I don't. Gripping it  tightly without realizing. The fire emits on our clothes and as ours goes down, cheers boom in the audience.

Flowers flying down to us. Peeta lifts our hands in the air. I remember to smile. Waving with my other hand to the people cheering our names and district.

I saw myself on the banners and it was as if I didn't recognize myself. The makeup I was wearing, the cleanliness that no one could ever really achieve in 12.

We come to a stop in front of President Snow who stands up from his seat.

"Welcome, welcome. Tributes, we welcome you. We salute your courage and your sacrifice. And we wish you a Happy Hunger Games. And may the Odds be ever in your favor." The older man grins to us, and as the audience cheers once again we are put into the back.

"That was amazing." Cinna compliments us, Peeta helping me back down, the fire was still burning on our clothes.

"Oh! We are all anybody's going to be talking about!" Effie clasps her hands together, excited.

"So brave." Haymitch slow claps. "Are you sure you should be near an open flame?" I question him. "Fake flame? Are you sure you-" He's cut off by the fact that District 2 were glaring daggers right at me, I confusedly stare right back at them.

"Let's uhh... let's go upstairs."

We get led to the elevator, I stay kind of behind Peeta basically last in the line of us.

"So, each of the districts get their own floor and because you're from 12, you get the penthouse." She grins, the doors open to a large living area. I observe every detail of the lavish living these people get to have.

"So this is the living room. I know, I know! Now, your rooms are right over here. Why don't you go clean yourselves up before dinner?" She suggests, more like telling us what to do. We move to our rooms, once I enter inside mine I admire how large the bed is. How fancy everything is.

I look down at the night stand and see a remote type device. I clicked a button and the screen that looked like a window was changing. I click it all the way until I see a wooded area.

It reminded me of what Gale said. Running away together the three of us. Bringing our family even though Prim wouldn't like it, it would've been better than this.

What if we did it? Would we have made it?

"In 2 weeks, 23 of you will be dead. One of you will be alive. Who that is depends on how well you pay attention over the next four days, particularly to what I'm about to say. First, no fighting with the other tributes. You'll have plenty of time for that in the Arena. There are four compulsory exercises. The rest will be individual training. My advice is, don't ignore the survival skills. Everybody wants to grab a sword but most of you will die from natural causes. 1 percent from infection, 20 percent from hydration. Exposure can kill as easily as a knife." Atala explains to us as we all stand together in the training center.

I observe the people around me before I do anything else.

"Jason, where's my knife, huh?" The boy from district 2 asks aggressively, Cato I believe his name was. "I didn't touch your knife." Jason defends himself.

"I put my knife right there!" The blond boy shouts. "I didn't touch your knife!" Jason yells back.

"You took my knife, you liar!" Cato accuses. "I didn't!"

"You little punk! You took my knife!"

"I'm just sitting here." Jason crosses his arms.

"I'll finish you right now, kid! Actually better yet, I'll wait for you in the arena. You're the first one I get, so watch your back." Cato threatens the boy.

I glance upwards to see the young girl from district 11 hiding with the knife. I smiled up at her. We make eye contact and I can see she tries to hide her amusement but not very well.

"Everyone back in line!" Atala orders. "You don't know who you're messing with, kid." Cato gets his last words in before we move forward.

"He's a career, you know what that is?" Haymitch asks me.

"From District 2." I nod my head.

"They train in a special academy until they're 18. Then they volunteer. By that point they're pretty lethal." He explains something I already knew because Gale and I used to talk to some Peacekeepers and they told us even though they weren't really supposed to but I'm not going to say that in the Capitol.

"But they don't receive any special treatment. In fact, they stay in the exact apartments you do. And I don't think they let them have dessert. But you can." Effie tells us.

"So how good are they?" Peeta questions. "Obviously, they're pretty good. They win it almost every year but..."

"Almost." Effie cuts him off.

"They can be arrogant. And arrogance can be a big problem. I hear you can shoot." He changes the subject to me and I stiffen up.

"I'm okay. Not the best." I rub my hands together.

"She's better than okay, my father buys her squirrels. He says she hits them right in the eye." Peeta gloats and I raise a brow, what's he getting at? Katniss taught me how to do that. I only started doing that this year too.

"Peeta's strong." I say.

"What?" He scoffs. "He can throw a 100 pound sack of flour right over his head. I've seen it." I tell them.

"Well, I'm not gonna kill anybody with a sack of flour." He rolls his eyes.

"No, but you have a strong skill that will help when needing shelter. You have a way better chance of winning. And besides I'm way better with close intimate fighting which will only get me killed." I fold my arms.

"I have no chance of winning! None! Alright? It's true. Everybody knows it. You know what my mother said? She said District 12 might finally have a winner. But she wasn't talking about me. She was talking about you." He angrily admits to me, I feel like I'm melting into my seat. My face is getting flushed. How could his mother say that about him?

"I'm not very hungry." He leaves the table and I get a flashback to his mother yelling at him in the rain. I feel the weight of Katniss in my arms.

"I'm done too." I whisper, getting up after him.

Masterlist

P.M. ML

Taglist: if you want to be added lmk!

[escapetheshark]

Off the Deep End | part 1 | swim instructor Bang Chan x fem reader

Genre: fluff; smut; angst

Rating: 18+

Pairing: Bang Chan x fem reader

Word count: 3,6k

Warnings: mentions of past trauma, drowning, adult language (warnings will be added to each chapter)

Summary: Hellbent on facing her fears, she starts taking up swimming lessons from one attractive young instructor named Christopher.

A/N: In case you're new here, I always name my characters because I don't like writing in the second person. This story is set in Australia, therefore I use some Aussie slang and lore, lmk if there's anything you don't understand that I can clarify for you. I'm not Australian, I just tried my best to recall things from my time there and I suppose a lot of things are similar to New Zealand. If any Aussies find anything really OOC, please do let me know.

A massive thank you to @seo--changbin for her help aka putting up with my bulshit. Love you <3

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | to be continued

Masterlit | Network

It's a lovely day: the sun is shining down on me, hot and bright, not a single cloud in the sky. I take another sip of my boozy cocktail and look over to my right where my sister has fallen asleep with a book on her face, several empty glasses piled on her side of the table. Not even her kids' loud screeches can seem to disturb her slumber, or maybe she's got good at zoning out. Her husband, who had disappeared inside the house God knows how long ago, has come back with a bucket in his arms and places it down by the lawn chairs.

"Help yourself," he enthusiastically says, before noticing his wife's sleeping form and immediately repeating himself in a lower voice. "Help yourself."

"Thank you," I simply say, raising my cocktail glass to show him I'm good for now. The bucket is full of beer, soda cans and water bottles for the kids.

The two boys decide to have a cannonball contest at the far end of the pool and are arguing about whose technique is the best, although I personally didn't find either that impressive. My brother-in-law finishes his Heineken and joins his kids with what was probably the only good cannonball of the day. He swims over to the edge of the pool and his head peeks out from the surface of the water.

"Come on, Jess, get in!"

"No thanks, I'm good."

"You need to face your fears at some point," he shrugs. "It's a lot more fun than just sitting on the lounger all day!"

He does make a compelling argument, however, I still see blood flowing and swaying on the water anytime I stare down into a swimming pool, the bottom seemingly invisible, like an endless pit. The scar is well hidden, thanks to really good surgeons and my own talent in makeup, but it is there and I do see it and feel its ridges whenever I touch my jaw. I'm facing my fear, looking straight into it. Maybe someday I'll be able to take a dive, but today is not that day.

I want to go home, I really do. My sister's friends are all a little obnoxious and I'm starting to feel sick from all the grilled meat I end up consuming at her weekend barbeques. At least the kids have all gone to sleep, not that the adults aren't equally as loud, especially after so much beer.

"-this year we'll go skiing in Austria instead, you know, see something new," one of the women says, wine glass in hand. "It's always Mount Hutt, I'm tired of Mount Hutt!"

"Snow all looks the same, Brenda," her husband spits with an annoyed look on his face. "You just want an excuse to go to Europe and see the hunks over there!"

"Imagine that, sitting on a plane for a day just to see snow when there's perfectly good snow down in New Zealand," some other guy retorts. "Taking those five kids of yours, too!"

Both Brenda's husband and this other guy laugh, but Brenda doesn't seem to be having fun. She sulks and pours herself another glass, keeping her head down.

"What about you, Jess, have any exciting plans for the new year?"

My eyes avert from Brenda and her troubles to the person sitting next to me, I believe her name is Amelia. She has very well-kept long blonde hair that doesn't suit her skin tone but her roots are barely visible still. Her face is somewhat orange, but I guess she pulls it off.

"Oh, I'm just gonna stay here in good old Melbourne," I shrug. "Might pop to Montague Street Bridge to see all the trucks losing their roof." I giggle at my own joke, but Amelia just seems lost, sparing me a pained smile. "I don't think they have Tim Tams in other countries."

"Oh that's not true," Brenda's husband interjects out of nowhere. "I'm pretty sure I've seen them in England!"

The awkward conversation dies down as they continue discussing their lives and I keep to myself, pretending to be very interested in the cranberry juice in my glass, avoiding meeting anyone's gaze lest they strike up more conversation and ask me why I don't just travel to Europe or the US, it's lovely up there, how can I miss out on such fun? It's either that or asking if I'd like to meet this guy they know, he's single too, he's divorced, his wife just died, he's got kids but he's nice, he works in IT. I don't want to meet their friend and I don't want to hear about Paris again, yet I keep getting dragged to my sister's pool parties where someone always asks me what drowning feels like, as if everything is supposed to feel like something else.

"By the way, my kids are taking swimming lessons with this extraordinary instructor," another woman invades my personal space to drunkenly tell me things I didn't ask about. I can't remember her name even though I know I've seen her face a few times. I remember her kid is called Jessica like me. "I hear he does lessons for adults too, he's a doll. I'll give you his card!" She reaches for her purse and pulls out a small rectangular card, very unassuming, with just a name, a phone number and a simple tagline - swimming lessons for all levels and ages.

"That's the most boring business card I've ever seen," I comment out loud, although I should have kept it to myself.

"Well, he's pretty good, just give him a call. Jessica loves him and she's making so much progress so quickly! She might get into the Olympic team at this rate…"

I feign enthusiasm, like this 10-year-old girl having such immense pressure put on her can be any good. I suppose she's growing up in a 5 million dollar home in Toorak, so she'll be fine. I place the card in my pocket and forget about it, deciding that if I'm stuck here in this rich people hell, might as well have a laugh, like when I eavesdrop at the deli section in Coles.

*

The smell of chlorine makes my head hurt and it takes a minute for me to adjust to the stuffy warm air. I might vomit my heart out with the way it's beating in my throat. My right hand caresses my left elbow, knees trembling, mouth dry. It's hard to focus on a single thing when everything happens so much at the same time - background music, chatter, kids screaming, whistles, splashing, that awful chlorine smell that I can't ignore no matter how hard I try. I'm not even sure where I'm supposed to go, I just stand by the door to the shower room, the swimming cap feels too tight around my head.

"Hey, are you alright?"

The voice that interrupts my anxious contemplation belongs to a short slender man in swim trunks and a tank top who appears behind me.

"Yeah, I'm just looking for my instructor, his name is uhm- Christopher?"

"He's me, I'm Christopher," the young man smiles sheepishly, his small eyes disappearing into his face for a second. "Oh, are you Miss Jessica?"

"She's me, I'm Jessica," I chuckle nervously. "We spoke on the phone."

"We very much did," he agrees, motioning for me to follow him around the Olympic-size swimming pool towards the far end of it. He waves at some other guy, I look politely at him and try to forget that I'm about to really have to get in the water. There's no escape this time, I've paid for my first fifteen lessons and it wasn't particularly cheap either. No refunds, unless caused by provable illness. Is it too late to break a leg…?

"Right, so you mentioned you cannot swim at all," his attention is back on me when we stop walking as we reach the very last lane on the opposite end of the pool. I look over at a storage unit full of various floating devices and wonder if I will be allowed one or two. Or ten. "The first step will be getting you comfortable in the water."

I watch as Christopher removes his thongs and leaves them under the bench then proceeds to lower himself into the pool using the pool ladder. He's got water up to his chest. He's maybe one or two inches taller than I am, so I definitely will be able to stand. It's too late to have a panic attack and run away so all I have left to do is go in. He's right there, the swimming instructor I've been told has several medals and apparently was part of the Australian junior swim team. It's his job to not let me drown. He's not my drunk mother thirty-two years ago who didn't see me slip and fall into the pool while she sipped cocktails.

"Go on, then," he smiles at me the way a proud father smiles at his kid's doodles before leaving them on the kitchen counter to be put up on the refrigerator door later. "See, you can stand."

My sister's friend did mention he seemed to teach mostly children so the slightly condescending tone is probably just an occupational hazard and I can't blame him for being a little bit snooty towards the thirty-something year old lady who's trembling just standing in four feet of water.

"See, it's not that bad," he offers and I can't tell if he's thinking in the back of his mind that I look like an absolute buffoon. He probably is. "So now all I want you to do is walk to me. Just walk," he instructs, making his way towards the middle of the pool, a few steps, stopping once the water reaches his shoulders. "I'm right here."

It's nothing like walking on dry land, I had forgotten what it feels like to be submerged. The water slowly and gently undulates as my legs move, tiny step by tiny step, like a newborn foal immediately forced to learn how to walk within ten minutes of being yeeted out of the womb.

Christopher keeps reassuring me that he's right there and will absolutely not let anything bad happen to me; it's almost more nerve-racking than if he simply stood at the edge of the pool yelling instructions, like the instructor a couple of lanes to our left with a class of about eight teenagers. It's hard to appreciate his seeming kindness when I'm trying so hard to focus on not letting my knees melt into wobbly pudding, each step feeling like a mile long.

He's got water up to his chest, Jessica, you'll be fine.

He's just standing there, the smile eventually fades from his face and he just watches me take slow, careful steps towards him, arms stretched out as if he expects me to tumble over like I did when I was four years old. Shit. I was doing fine without those memories, this is not a good time for the dramatic flashbacks! I stop, taking a deep breath and looking up at the tall ceiling, my vision not focusing on anything in particular, just the way the harsh bright lights illuminate the interior of the swimming complex.

"You good?"

Somehow I've muted all the noises around me, but his voice seems to come from way too close and that's when I realise I either moved without realising or he took a few steps to come meet me halfway because the next thing I know, he's a lot closer to me than I remember him being.

"I-I'm fi-fine?"

I'm not sure I sound convinced, but my head is still out of water and completely dry so I don't think anything happened to me. I look at Christopher again, his eyes seem almost worried but he offers yet another little smile. Do his cheeks not hurt from smiling so much? He already seems very non-threatening with his short and slender build and jovial face, he doesn't need to put so much effort into making himself appear as inoffensive as possible.

"Look back," he says, "you walked all this way!"

There's the condescending tone again like he's talking to one of his six-year-old students. Or maybe I'm just being a bitch to this man for absolutely no reason and he's just trying to be helpful and do his job properly. I've already paid him, either way. Might as well learn to actually swim while I'm at it.

"I sure did-"

"Do you want to try and extend your body? I'll hold your arms." He reaches out again, his pale arms extended towards me. I hold onto his hands, unsure of what exactly I'm supposed to do and how to even do it. Seems easy enough, right? Just extend your body out, like you're lying down in bed, except this isn't a safe comfortable bed, it's a dangerous swimming pool.

"Lift up your legs and kick them back," he instructs, his grip on my hands very strong, as a way to say he won't let go and let me drown. "Try one leg at a time first."

The movement is awfully uncoordinated and lacks any sense of grace, but I do manage to pull my leg back, then the other, then both at the same time, my eyes on Christopher's arms, worried he would let go on accident and leave me to brave the waters on my own. You can stand up, I remind myself. You've got water up to your shoulders.

"Good job," he praises, and I must admit a sense of mild pride washes over me. Yeah, it's a fucking good job! "Stand back up now." I obey, strengthening my grip on his hands, my body feels like it's floating and I can't remember how to get back down. It takes a minute, but I'm eventually standing up again, my hands still in his for a little longer until he finally lets go.

"How are you feeling," he inquiries "bit more confident?"

"I guess," I shrug, very clearly not that confident.

"You'll get there." Another smile. This one feels more earned, though, not as mechanic as before. I doubt his words for a minute before scolding myself. You will get there, it's just swimming, not rocket science. I nod, my knees relaxing subconsciously as I watch him get out of the water using the ladder again, making his way to the storage unit and picking up a couple of accessories he promptly throws in the water before joining me once more in the shallow end of the pool.

"Will these help make you feel safer?"

I nod again, holding onto one of the pool noodles as if I've never seen one before. I never told him my tragic backstory, yet somehow he acts like he knows there's something deeply wrong with me. I wonder if my sister's friend told him something…

"Thanks."

"Right, so the goal for now is to get you to feel confident and safe in the water," he explains, his face serious and stern. "You can have as many noodles as you want and I'm right here, I swear on my PS5 I won't let you get hurt." A little giggle leaves him, like he's making a silly little joke to the little kids he teaches. It's hard to take this man seriously when not only he seems to have never interacted with an adult, but he himself looks almost like a child, small and sweet-looking, like life hasn't yet taught him a lesson. I'm being so judgemental for no reason. This young man is just doing his job and trying to be nice about it. I have to scold myself again for thinking so negatively all the time and wonder if my sister does that too or if she's cured now that she has the perfect life…

"You basically paid me to not let you drown, if that's any consolation." His joke pulls me out of yet another session of inside-my-head rambling. He's trying so hard to be the cool and fun teacher and I'm not sure what to make of it. I'm at least ten years older than this wide-eyed pale boy.

"I guess that helps," I shrug, looking at him. "So what now? You throw me off the 10 metre plank and I have to somehow not die?" He laughs, his little eyes completely disappearing into his face and becoming crescent moons. He has dimples.

"Yeah, let's go," he jokes again. "No, we take it as slow as we need to. The goal is to not scare you any further."

"I'm not scared!"

"Yeah, that's why you were shaking coming down the ladder and holding on to me like that just now," he snarkily comments right before becoming apologetic. "I-I'm sorry, that was inappropriate."

"Don't worry, doll," I shrug, still holding on to the pool noodle, standing near the edge of the pool.

"Well, anyway, let's practice some more." His demeanour is back to the overly-friendly one from a few seconds before as he passes me another pool noodle, instructing me to loop it around my stomach. He holds out another noodle, one hand near each end, keeping it straight. "Hold on to this and look at me."

I do as he says, placing my hands next to his and facing him dead-on. "Now let's try to kick your legs back again, just like before." The noodle naturally doesn't feel as sturdy as Christopher's hands on mine, and the one on my belly almost pressures my body upwards and I have to actively force my torso down. My hands almost want to slide closer to his, to feel someone's skin on mine rather than polyethylene foam would make me feel a little more secure, but he's right there. He's literally a foot away from me, his feet firmly pressed on the tile. He won't let me drown. He wouldn't.

"It's okay, I'm literally right here," he reassures again, that damned smile that he just can't avoid but flash every damn minute. I wonder if he's always like this or maybe he's secretly a dick outside his lessons. Maybe he even voted One Nation.

Hands firmly on the pool noodle, I kick my legs back, slowly, immediately feeling the tension in my belly releasing. "You don't have to be so tense, you know." I feel light headed again, my eyes fixated on his but not focusing or registering what I'm looking at.

"Let's breathe slowly okay," his voice lowers an octave and catches me off guard. "Breathe in through your nose. One. Two. Three. Four. Five." He's breathing in too, still looking into my eyes, and it almost feels uncomfortable. I can't remember the last time I really looked at someone for so long, especially what is essentially a stranger. "Good, now breathe out through your mouth, slowly." He counts to five again, just as slowly as before and it feels like I have never breathed before in my life.

"I've got you," he reassures once more, of course he has a smile on his face and I can't really tell if it's sincere or not because my head is spinning and it's hard to focus on anything. "I'm gonna let go of the noodle, okay? But I'm right here."

"Please don't," I beg, my hands sliding closer to his until they're slightly touching.

"That's alright," he replies. "Okay, no problem, I won't let go."

I breathe out a relieved sigh as his hands come to hold mine once more, and I feel a sudden urge to cry. It's all too much, too much noise, too much water, too much human contact, all in a day's work.

"We can take it as slow as you need, Jessica."

I nod, this time I actually pay attention to him instead of fixating on a random spot without focusing on anything. His eyes seem sincere. Again, I have to remind myself that he's a professional doing his job and there is absolutely no reason for this man to let me drown or get hurt in any way.

"Take your time."

I'm not sure how long I stayed like that, looking absolutely ridiculous with a pool noodle through my waist, holding on to my much younger swimming instructor like I'm about to drown in four feet of water, that stupid swimming cap so tight around my head it feels like my brain is on the verge of exploding. Next thing I know, I'm standing under the shower trying to remove the cap without pulling all my hair out. The water is a little too hot, but I barely register the way it burns my skin as all the background noise morphs into one giant blob of white noise.

I get dressed, put away my wet swimsuit inside a plastic ziplock bag, dry my hair and apply moisturiser to my face, still unsure of how to feel about this whole thing. I could just quit, money be damned…! No, money do not be damned, it's not like I have a lot of it and I can't afford to just toss it away like that. I- I could just- No! I'm going to finish this now. I'm going to book my next lesson and stick to this, it can't be that hard. My nephews can swim and they're kids. That Jessica girl is training to join the goddamn Olympic team and she's like eleven! I can at least learn how to doggy-swim if anything, right? Right…?

To be continued...

[duckiemimi]

I'm from Brazil and I love your tumblr. Do you think gege is doing this because he is under a lot of pressure from the producer because satura gojo gives them a lot of money. 2. Do you think that gojo's soul can possess yuta's brain because the body belongs to gojo but the brain belongs to yuta? 3.if gojo returns, what would be your purpose in the work now? 4. I don't see Yuta in Gojo's body and I don't see Gojo coming back to me. I think Gege will do something unpredictable again. I would appreciate it if you could answer me.

hi!! thank you so much!!! okay, i'll go through everything chronologically:

1.) i do think that given how popular jjk's become, the publishing house most likely pushed gege to prolong the story. could gojo's presence also be a factor? i joke that he's their cash-cow often, but i wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt. now? i'm leaning towards that statement, yea. probably. maybe.

2.) hmm, for this one, i'm not entirely sure. there have been three instances where a character has retaliated against their body being used, these being:

along with this dialogue between kenjaku and mahito on the body and soul:

now all these instances were characters who didn't explicitly agree and consent to their body being used (two of them being dead and one of them having no control over it at the time), but gojo agreed to his body being used prior to his death. everyone thought this was the best course of action (to my skepticism). would agreeing and giving explicit control to one's body being used like that change anything? could this be the narrative bracketing itself, bookending this theme of body and soul with a change in outcome? will gojo rest in peace as his body becomes a puppet for the greater good? i'm not sure.

3.) i'm not sure what you mean by this question, i'm sorry! if gojo returns, i'll still read! i'm way too attached to abandon ship before we all finally drown.

4.) i agree, i think they'll both be gone in a couple chapters, meaning this...attempt at something will all be meaningless, all for naught. someone mentioned this in a recent ask, but it seems as if gege's scrambling to improvise on a hurried weekly basis, so i also think we'll end on a completely different note than expected (at least in terms of gojo and yuuta).

so, yea! i might be even more lost than ever at this point of the story, so take this all with a grain of salt! thank you for asking!

[badgallly]

The Chosen One Part 5

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

hey guys! how are you ? finally chapter 5 of 'the chosen one'. the next chapter of the 'party' is going to be on fire, and I'm warning you that it's going to be long. you asked me a lot and here it is! i love all the cute and motivational messages you guys send me, it really warms my heart <3 today is my birthday so i decided to post it today, it's my birthday but it's your gift! <3 make requests :3 take care ;3 I love you <3!

On the cold floor, I'm still on the floor, tears insist on coming down from my eyes more and more. I feel a very big void inside my chest, Kylian's words echo in my mind :

"You're already thinking too much for someone who is just a whore!"

His gruff, cold voice repeats like an endless loop in my head. Is this what I'm doomed to be for the rest of my life? A mere prostitute? a worthless prostitute who is sold as a commodity where everyone uses, abuses and humiliates? Is kylian right?

Kylian…ah Kylian. I've been through all kinds of aggression and humiliation throughout my life, in fact I should be used to it by now, but I don't understand why Kylian's attitude affected me so much. I don't know why, but I thought Kylian would be different… her education, the way she talks to me, even though she 'bought' me, she didn't put a single finger on my body, even though we only met 2 days ago… let's just say no one ever treated me with the 'minimum' of dignity that he did. Anyway… I was totally wrong, that just shows how stupid I am.

I get up from the floor and lay on the bed, wipe my tears and take a deep breath trying to calm myself. I start to think and see some flashbacks of my life, am I destined to never be happy in my life? in the midst of my thoughts I soon fall asleep.

10:00 PM

I wake up and lift my head which is a little heavy, wow… I slept a long time. soon I regain my consciousness and I recognize the room I'm in, I hear the noise of the TV downstairs, probably Kylian. I decide to take a shower, nothing better than a shower to take away all the stress and calm the body.

Right after taking my shower, I decide to go down, I'm hungry, I didn't even have lunch today. As I go down the stairs I see Kylian playing with his cell phone and with the TV on, he notices my presence, looks at me and then turns his attention to his cell phone. I feel a pang in my heart, despite everything I had a little hope that maybe he could at least apologize. Look there again me being an idiot? I have to stop this! I go to the kitchen and make myself a snack. While I'm preparing I feel footsteps approaching and a hand touches my shoulder, and goes down to my waist which causes shivers in my body. Kylian says softly in my ear:

_y/n, we need to talk! Kylian says in a soft tone in my ear again shivering throughout my body. I turn, and look into his eyes and see a twinge of regret in his eyes.

_okay, kylian. You can say.

_Sorry for earlier, I know I was an idiot. I had arrived from training and I was stressed, and right after I had a psg game, I'm sorry I ended up taking my anger out on you!

_everything you said hurt me a lot kylian, I don't know what you think of me, actually I know… as you yourself said that I'm 'just a prostitute', know that I have feelings too and I'm in this life it's not because I I want kylian and yes because I've always had a very difficult life and I need that to survive so I don't know if I can apologize to you right now I still feel very insulted and hurt.

_No y/n I don't think you're just a 'whore', I can see that you've had a very painful and difficult life, you're a strong woman, but… you're right y/n, it's okay… I went an asshole and you need space. I will respect your time. I nod looking into your eyes I see regret in your eyes that land again in mine; he was turning to leave the kitchen but soon returns:

_y/n, I forgot… I want you to pack your bags, remember that our trip is tomorrow to New York. Take lots of clothes and accessories, we'll be there for 3 days, in addition to my meeting, there will also be an end of season party for the players. We're leaving very early on my private plane. _Okay Kylian, I'll go. _ah and when you finish, come to the room let's watch a movie together.

time skip

I finish packing my bags and head downstairs.

I see Kylian messing with the remote control, as soon as he notices my presence he smiles.

_ come y/n, sit here, I'm looking for a movie. He pats the couch for me to sit next to him.

I walk but a little afraid to sit next to kylian, he's still a ticking time bomb. I approach and stay a relative distance from him. Kylian goes through some movies and chooses an action one. The silence is deafening for a few minutes until Kylian breaks the silence:

_Y/N? Kylian says suddenly.

_Yes? I say looking at him.

_My intention was never to scare her. I know I was stupid earlier and I already apologized, despite knowing you for 2 days I think you are a strong woman and warrior. I know I'm being repetitive but it was because I regretted it earlier. But I want you to accept my apology, please. I don't want to fight with you tomorrow for the trip y/n, you are a very delicate flower and I hurt you, I'm sorry?

He looks at me with those regretful puppy dog eyes, and despite everything I see truth in his words. He's so handsome and cute now it's impossible not to accept these excuses.

_Thank you kylian, it's okay, I accept his apologies! _ He gives me a smile of happiness and I smile together. Why is kylian so unstable and attractive at the same time? Within 2 days I realize he's a total mess and I'm slowly losing myself in him.

In the midst of my thoughts, I fall asleep. but... I feel Kylian covering me with the blanket and I end up passing out.

[deonideatta]

THAT CHAPTER SKFJSK I can't organise my thoughts into any proper analysis lol so here's everything in one go

Only 1 stella???? Stingy 😒😒 they should have at least given Anya 2 and the rest 1 haha

As the other students left and it was just damian and anya left there were like 4 different fanfics which I was trying to use to predict what would happen next lol

I'd like to see more of becky's parents!!! her dad is so sweet to her 🤩

Friendship!!!!! They're friends!!!!! I love it skfjsj they're so sweet

I'm happy that anya broke down and cried when she saw yor! No 4/5 year old has nerves of tungsten lol, and seeing that she feels safe enough with yor not to bottle up her feelings is really lovely

Twilight you tsundere skdkskd it didn't actually occur to me that he might already have been there! Count on him to try and wave it off tho lol, if he doesn't give anya the biggest ever hug when he gets home I'm suing

Also I love how the senior agent that was with him always talks about the forgers like they're twilight's actual family lol he knows what's up 👀

Melinda dlskfksk what was that????? She did a 180 so fast that for a moment I seriously wondered if maybe she has a split personality

I think there's definitely some serious animosity between her and donovan. She seems torn between motherly love for damian and absolutely despising him, possibly because he's donovan's son, or because he's so fixated on pleasing his father (not his fault, he's literally 6 lol).

Horrible stuff to think about a child though. Made even more bizarre by how much she seems to love him at the same time

I wonder how she feels about demetrius, assuming he's also her son

But yea good chapter!!! We were well fed

In the next chapter I want more from twilight, we can't let him for the mission his way out of this one lol

And perhaps now that anya's gotten another stella we'll get another scene that mirrors the one where twilight felt genuinely proud of her after her first stella

Also I wonder if there will be any tension between twiyor over this. Not sure there will be, but it'd be interesting if there is

[chishnfips87]

Ranking every DRDT character from worst to best

This is my opinion. Do not type death threats.

Also, there are spoilers everywhere.

Some space here because spoilers.

16. In last place, David Cheim. In ch1 and ch2 episodes 1 to 4, I thought he was okay, from 2-5 to 2-10, I thought he was good, but then 2-11 came and completely and utterly destroyed his character. His new persona just took a character with such good potential and made it a Nagito/Syobai ripoff without any of the good qualities they have, and I cannot stand the design. Again, he had good moments, but I doubt we'll get any more. I just hope he get axed off soon. I'm sorry of this comes off as mean, I try to mean no offense or disrespect, but I find liking this guy to be a red flag. He doesn't even count as an antagonist for me. I hate him. Shit, I think the creator hates him too. 1/10.

15. Min Jeung. There's a huge jump from David to Min, because I think David's the only bad character in DT. I'm very neutral on Min, because I think she'd a character that just came and went. I didn't feel as big an impact from her end as many others did, that might be because I haven't looked at ch1 ever since I first watched it. Maybe a rewatch will improve my opinion, but for now, I'm neutral. 5/10.

14. Xander Matthews. Okay, this is where the cancellation starts. I just don't see the hype. I feel like I missed something. Just like Min, he had his time in the limelight, and I don't feel like they're gonna use him again, or at least not until a later chapter as a cameo at the very least. I will say in terms of design, he absolutely wins. His design's great. Otherwise, again, I have no strong like or dislike for him. 5/10.

13. Levi Fontana. I feel like he hasn't been in the story enough yet, and I hope they use him more. Again, amazing design. It's probably within the top 3 best designs in the series, in my opinion. He's not too bad, but again, he just needs more. 6/10.

12. Arei Nageishi. Now, if it was just ch1, she'd be #16, but in recent times, she's kinda climbed the ranks. Ch2 gave her some kind of characterization and humanity. I never thought I'd see it either. Once we realize why she has a mean spirit, we tend to somewhat empathize with her and understand her faults. Only reason she's not higher is because her arc was cut short. 6/10.

11. Hu Jing. She ever so slightly misses the top 10 because of the moments where she kinda babies Nico. Like yeah, it's wholesome she wants to protect them, but it just gets to a point where it feels like she's manipulating them into becoming a murderous pawn. Now, we want a wholesome relation with the two, at least I do, but I feel like we haven't truly seen that. Also, I wanna know, who gave Nico the wire? Yeah \*Hu\* gave them it? She may be moved up in the future, but for now, she's here at #11. 7/10. Oh, and speaking of Nico...

10. Kicking off the top 10, Nico Hakobyan. Chapter 2 really elevated this character here. Nico went from a nobody in chapter 1, to arguably one of the central focuses of the current chapter. Seeing them attempt to kill Ace is such a shock, and when it happens, a chill runs down the spine. Now, Nico is only tenth because much like Hu, there are a lot of questions that need answering, and I hope we don't end up with dead ends. 7/10.

9. Ace Markey. Ace is both a funny and tragic character, and he has a lot going for him currently. Again, just like Nico, I feel like he's at the beginning of some kind of arc, and I hope there's a powerful moment with him, like him and Nico having the biggest fight of their lives, or maybe he sacrifices himself for someone, or anything else. Any scenario can work for him so far. I think he needs direction. 8/10.

8. Eden Tobisa. Just like Ace, anything can go with her. With how friendly she is, she could be deceiving everyone. She could have some skeletons in her closet, we just need to know how far she's willing to go. That, and I hope we get a wholesome moment with her. Like she's comforted or Teruko helps her with something. She has a lot of pent up emotion and masks it with positivity, and that's great. 8/10. I hope there's a moment where she can't do it anymore. If not her, then it should be...

7. Whit Young. If Eden isn't the false positivity, Whit clearly takes that title. A lot of common predictions I see is Whit dying. However, I'm more intrigued by what would happen if someone close to Whit died. Whit's boisterous and ecstatic outlook is shattered, and his emotions collapse. The ingredients are all there, and it feels like we're building up a good moment with him where he hits the climax of his arc. 8/10.

6. Charles Cuevas. A surprisingly established character, Charles actually has a lot of screen time for someone still around. He's also surprisingly supportive of Teruko, in a way. I feel like an inverse effect has happened with them. Teruko would approach Charles, and he'd get a bit annoyed and hesitant to be around her. Come chapter 2, and Charles is trying to get through to Teruko, and she's not having it at all. I like the direction Charles is in, despite it looking like he'll die soon. Even still, he's very intriguing.

5. Teruko Tawaki. I have a good feeling that she'll get some kind of full hero's journey, like Christian Bale in The Dark Knight trilogy. She overcomes being almost stabbed and left to die by someone she thought could've been a close friend, then almost getting voted in the trial and having to scramble to save herself and everyone else, and now, she's gone rogue. She's dropped the nonsense, and will not let anyone stop her. I think her trajectory is great so far, even with the edgy and sarcastic moments, and I hope it gets better as the series progresses. 9/10.

4. Rose Lacroix. Okay, this may just be bias speaking, but Rose is funny. She has serious moments and is sympathetic, yes, but I also find her more low-down, sleepy side to be oddly fitting in a serious Fangan like this. She's a character that satisfies by just doing her thing, and I'm there for it. 9/10.

3. Arturo Giles. Another very controversial placement. I'm probably the only person ever who will back my Arturo enjoyment. I actually like how scary and villainous he is, and I like that he's not just a Byakuya ripoff. He's actually threatening, he's entertaining, and he could very well have some kind of arc, even though he looks like someone who ideally wouldn't. Maybe he realizes how much of a stalker he's been, and steps off of J's back for a while, then maybe tries to bind with Veronika or something like that. Again, it's bias, I just think Arturo's got a lot going for him, and the hate he gets is undeserved. 10/10.

2. Our runner up, J Rosales. Another top tier design. It's colorful, but not in a gaudy, distracting way. It's perfectly balanced, if anything. Also, like with Arturo, their dynamic could go any way. Arturo could actually protect her from something catastrophic, and she could have a newfound respect for him. A moment like that where someone is saved by someone they initially hate would be a good way of kinda patching things up between the two, and I think they're a good vessel for that. J's also a lot like Teruko, albeit not as edgy, so she's more tolerable, and she also has moments of vulnerability, and she could also overcome those as well. J's honestly very underrated, the more I think about it. 10/10.

1. Taking the top spot is Veronika Grebenshchikova. This is how the main villain is done. She's the perfect foil to Teruko. She's bright, vibrant, unhinged, and not afraid to be completely untrustworthy and dangerous. Her popping red and white design is also a good contrast to the dim green and black design of Teruko. If I could change anything in DRDT, I'd make her the antagonist, and not David with his stupid face, and his stupid stance, and his stupid manipulation. David can get bent, Veronika is the true antagonist of DRDT, and that's a hill I'll meet my maker on. 11/10.

[wooltoesocks]

things i want to get answers to in the remaining episodes of four leaf: a very comprehensive list that must be missing some things i just cant remember at the moment (also soilers for up until ep 139):

just in general evrything about the bells, and more especiall like how is lina giving lupe her bells (because that is 100% gonna happen i think) gonna affect them, for example if they'll get lina's bell as like their own, and if that bell being kinda broken is gonna be any problem

will that be a permanent change, is lupe gonna give the bell back to lina after they deal with the wolf

what's gonna happen to cricket if they really do deal with the wolf? or how will tehy come to some wsolution that doesnt harm anyone

CARLA!!! is she gonna be okay? that wound looks very nasty. i hope they'll be able to cure it somehow, and if not, then chopchop there goes a leg :/

talking about carla, is she gonna give er bells to someone like she mentioned in 138? that is only in case she wont be able to continue, but it loks very bad rn, so my question is, is it gonnna be mercy? or in general, who is it gonna be?

also about the bells, i really wanna know how many bells each witch has!! it''s just something i think would be interesting to analyse. (i looked through all the episodes where a witch has their bells out buut i still now only know for certain the number of bels like 7 witches have (before 137 and emma giving up her bells): Erica 1, Emma 2, Socks 2 (most likely, unless she got mor after the prison break, that's when she at least shows only 2), Alishba 3, Linda 3 (both of whose bells were shown during the prison break), Carla 20, Lina 21.

also also (i use that word so much), the names of the witches! we now know there are 17 witches in the red hoods (+lupe +lina so maybe 19 but oh well) and of those 17 we know the names of 12 (episode 133)

what i wanna know too is like which bell belongs to which witch? we've seen some, for example in the flashback of when they first appeared, and also in the festival of roses we see some, but like i wnna knowww (ye sit's very trivial but that's what makes it fun i think)

the mom. what happened with her in the 8 months that have passed since lupe was last in their original world? did she just continue on like normal, or did she actually regret some of the things she's done? will lupe go see her again?

the inevitable. the thing i've been waiting for for like 2 years. the KISS! alvar mentioned the witch loking very mad and the also saying he's the kinda guy to ask twice before a first kiss and what i think will happen is that he is gonna ask. like he's just the kinda guy. but the thing lupe (most likely) will be "mad" about is just that al didnt tell about it (even tho he was gonna tell you lupe, you just didnt want him to). or they arent mad, but just like very confused/fristrated and Al just interpreted it wrong? i dont know. we'll see (hopefully tomorrow in 140 but at the evry least in 141?? like i dont think it will take so long that it would be 142? (i am delusional). also looking at the future chapter thumbnails (not a fast pass reader), it looks like someone is using some kind of reddish/pinkish magic / teleporting right next to him)

okay this isnt a theory or anything, i just know lupe's dad is gonna be so smug learning about lupe and al's relationship when they do get into one like judging from ep 116 and the "crush" i jut know

okay wow this is a long post but i need to get these out of my head and scream into the void and wait if it screams back

back to the bells, they'r gonna give everyone their own one back right? if they deal wit hthe wolf, there shouldnt be any need to hoard all the power, and i dont think it would be very fair to let 72 people just go on about life without really even knowing what's going no just because you wanna levitate. i know it's probably more complicated than that but yeah

also (fuck, this word again) what's gonna happen to the witchs' craving of gloom? is it gonna go away if there is no wolf (okay this is assuming that it's dealt with and they wont come to a peaceful comclusion but if that happens i just really hope cricket will be okay)

are other witches gonna wanna get rid of their bells and become human like emma?

i would like some more information about the different worlds, although i think it's unlikely tha will come up in the chapters themselves, but maybe as some bonus content somewhere?

okay so i already wrote about like if Lina's bell being broken is gonna have any effect on lupe, but will it affect Lina herself? i would assume not, but you never know

just in general, i cant wait to see how everything comes to a conclusion and how the ending is gonna be (even tho i would love for it to go on for longer). are we gonnna see another time skip?

man i just remembered there are alaso civilians in Garua at the moment too like the redhoods are gonna get the to safety right? maybe that will also help a little with the public's fear of the witches, the news that hey maybe they're not bad through and through (even tho that was never the case but most people still thought that so)

fuck this is long how many words even is this... 1005???? man that's like 2/3 of the essays we had to write in high school. yea it's easier to just put stuff from your mind into bullet points but this has taken me like maybe 45 minutes where as those essays took at least 5 hours. i bet i could make one from one of my interests in like 2 hours and i would be much better than any of those monstrocities i wrote

anyway back on track

actually those are the main ones i remember now, maybe i'll update this once more come to mind, but for now this is enough for today

pictured above is me falling for this series

wait one more thing: is it stated anywhere how much the bells weigh? i would assume they're more like incorporeal so they wouldn't hve any mass, and i fell like should know this i've read this series 5 or 6 times. but if they do infact hve mass, do the witches have to actively levitate them or are they jsut funky like that

[cobrafantasies]

Author Question Tag Game Thing

Thank you so much for the tag @siancore! 💕

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

60

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

457,340

3. What fandoms do you write for?

SamBucky

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Pretend We're Real (Until We Are) So, This is Jealously The Winter Soldier Enjoys Baseball Take Care Focus on You

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes. I get too excited not to.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Really, I only write happy endings but I guess I'll say The Night Hell Freezes Over because even though things work out in the end, it's just a road of angst until the very end.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Maybe I'll say Heartless Hunk of Metal because it's a fairytale AU so it feels like more was at stake and they had to work harder to get there.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I would say I've only gotten some stern criticism. I've made some honest mistakes purely from lack of knowledge/awareness but I've been lucky that people haven't been brutally hateful when criticizing.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, too much. Recently, I've actually calmed down and started writing (hopefully) elegant alludes to smut but in the beginning, almost every story had very long smut scenes or was all smut. I would say all my smut is usually emotional/sensual and sometimes I dabble in kinks lol. I'd like to write kinkier stuff but I'm nervous.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No, it's probably because I become obsessed with one fandom/paring at a time and strictly write for them until I move on.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I think so. A couple people have left comments asking if they could but I never followed up to ask for a link so I haven't seen them.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

SamBucky.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Maybe the Avengers party where Bucky will get drunk on Asgardian mead. It sounds like a simple story but it's been sitting in my docs forever.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'd like to say I'm good at dialogue and characterization (at least of the mains)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Action for sure. Anything that requires research, I'm so lazy sometimes it's the whole reason I don't write a certain story. And lastly, complex plot points. I struggle with writing lengthy, intricate multi-chapter fics.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I'm scared of this. Sometimes I want to but I know Google Translate isn't always reliable and I don't know any other language well enough.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Friends. It's the only other fandom I've written for. Was obsessed until I moved on to SamBucky. We'll see how long this one lasts :)

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

I usually go with So, This is Jealously since I'm proud of a lot of things within that story.

No pressure, tagging: @wilsonsb4be, @princeofbadassery @abarbaricyalp @six2vii @thatmexisaurusrex

[bleachbleachbleach]

10/9 - 10/22/2023

✅ Renji chapter - DONE* ✅ Chapters 1-6 reread/revise - DONE

Highlights

Some of this actually reads very well--at the sentential level, sometimes even the chapter level. I was pleasantly surprised by Rukia's, Hinamori's, and Akon's chapters.

There are portions of this fic that are kind of histrionic about use of tense (looking at you, Hinamori. Girl.), but on read-through now I think it works and I kind of like it.

Reading back it was fun to see what kinds of personal hangups were informing everyone's interactions and who was projecting what on whom. The order in which information appears (or is revised) based on whose POV chapter it was was cool, too!

I know there are critiques of the impact of film on writing, and I am sometimes self-conscious about how thoroughly my writing has been informed by writing for one singular TV fandom. That being said, having spent almost 15 years in a TV fandom, I always feel very validated when I can fix something by thinking about it in terms of TV constraints--like, oh, we can't do that scene because we don't have the time/budget to prep that scene again or put those actors on the call sheet. I may not be subject to those constraints but sometimes I'm like, "OH that makes this easier and less insane. Problem solved!"

Lowlights

Oh god, the Renji chapter is R O U G H. ngl feeling pretty betrayed, Abarai. So is the end of Matsumoto's chapter, which I knew going in, and which I then tried to revise last night, during which time I was apparently not mentally right, and now it s VERY weird and much worse!!

Aside from that, I'm... not convinced this story works, at the macro level. I don't know if there is a way to make it work better, outside of simply writing a different story. I don't feel like taking it down to studs is the move, and I think I should probably just keep going with it as-is and suffer the potential consequence of being disappointed. And then write a different story. SUCKS THO BECAUSE I'VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS ONE FOR YEARS.

Maybe this is a mid-light, rather than a lowlight: I feel willing to be convinced, or at least willing to take a chance on, the idea that part of my "eh I don't know if that works" is just me assuming this story is meant to be something that it is not, in fact, meant to be. Correspondingly, I think some of the things where I'm like "that's Not Right, that's not how that's supposed to work" may just be my writing style. For better? For worse? Jury's out, but it might just be me. It might be the work, and not what needs to be fixed.

Chapter 7 Rukia will close out Part 1. There's effectively two scenes left to do--maybe three if I decide to be weird about it--one of which I think about all the time and one of which is all vibes and "lmao fuck if I know" right now, so we'll see how those go.

One thing I'm feeling preemptively daunted by is how much less I already have written of Part 2 versus Part 3, but seeing as I'm probably not going to be done with Rukia 7 by next update anyway, what does it matter! It doesn't! Not yet!

ETA: Actually, one more thing. In my working document I've inserted anchors so I can flip between scenes more easily. These are NOT official scene breaks nor will these scene titles feature in the final product, but they feel like amusingly bad DVD chapter titles (remember DVDs? Chapter menus? DVD makers for some reason feeling that these chapters needed to be titled?):

[thedawningofthehour]

Ep 29!

Leo has officially moved on to the acceptance stage!

Everyone thought Leo would be the one to go crazy if he found out about the library meetings (including me), it turns out the opposite, who knew!

At least the time in the library did some good!

Leo finally accepted that Donnie's memories may never come back, however, they still need to separate him from Draxum so he can learn the truth, which will be a problem, since Draxum doesn't plan to let Galois go on any more field missions.

Also, speaking of Draxum, WITH A BUTTER KNIFE!

What Draxum did can only be classified as abuse, there are no buts, and the worst part is that Galois is programmed not to notice! Arrg!!! Mikey had made so much progress!!! And Draxum threw it in the trash!

If someone were to manipulate you, you wouldn't know it.

BUT CLEARLY YOU WOULD, WOULDN'T YOU?!?

Draxum can drown in his hypocrisy.

You know, while I was waiting for this chapter, I started reading LFLS, and at no time I hated that Draxum as much as this one, maybe, because AT LEAST, that Draxum was honest!

I hope that part of Donnie's revenge can include this quote to one of my favorite webtoon.

"I don't need someone who hurts me with his passion*.

By the way, didn't you notice Raph completely absent in the chapter? *remembers fai's title for arc 3* ...should I be worried?

Final note. Splinter, by this point I think you should know better than to count on the police.

I kind of chucked at everyone predicting Leo being the one to lose his shit. Originally I did plan on having him yell too, but when I wrote it out it just didn't...go that way. Don't get me wrong, he still would have taken it with the most grace, but the way it ended up his brain just did a giant reboot and he didn't really have the capacity to be mad. (this is an opportunity to remind you all that I have no control over this fic)

I mean, Donnie's still going to be out in the field, there wouldn't be much more of a story if the fam couldn't interact with him. So much of this fic is legitimately just me trying to arrange incidents where Gale can meet up with the fam or influence shit that eventually reaches the fam, and I'm just waiting for the day someone calls me out on how stupid some of my excuses are. Realistically, Draxum would never put him out in the field, no matter how many sad eyes he made. He's too valuable in the lab. But if he did that, then the story would have ended with "and then Draxum took over the world and the fam realized he had Donnie all along right before they were shipped to Australia." And that wouldn't be fun.

Raph was originally present in the first scene, but I didn't like how that turned out so I wrote him out. It really doesn't mean anything for his character arc, just better storytelling in my opinion. There was no place to really insert him into the chapter, and I generally try not to shove characters into places for the sake of having them present. (which is why Mikey is absent so much in Book 1) Raph's stupid thing has been...I guess sort of foreshadowed? I think just like one line, but he's been vaguely talking about it a lot. As we get to the end of Book 2 we'll see some more hints towards the direction he's thinking in, and definitely with the main climax. So hopefully by the time he does his stupid thing, it'll make sense why.

[angelcake-69]

A total of four WHOLE people (at least) read my fic!! I see this as a total win!! o(〃＾▽＾〃)o

So here I am with the next part!! ✧(｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

Kuroo x Reader

Chapter 3) Volleyball Practice :P

[Part 1] [Part 2]

Y/ns P.o.v

In the morning, I still wasn't sure what to name my new cat, I kept thinking about it, but I wanted a cool name but not a cringey one. I made the kitten a bowl of food before heading out to meet Cheyenne and Casey. Unfortunately, when I opened my door, I was met with none other than Kuroo himself.. and Kenma so.. maybe, not none other than him... He looked like he was about to knock on the door.

"Oh hey! I was just about to knock." He said with a lazy smile on his face. I smiled at him.

"Yeah I can see that.." I looked around awkwardly.

"Well, we-" "You." "We were wondering if you wanted to walk with us?" Kuroo said with Kenma interrupting him, Kenma didn't really seem to open up to new people I guessed.

"Well... I usually go with Casey and Cheyenne.. soo..." I said awkwardly trying to hint that I didn't want to.

"Oh that's fine, they can come too." He said happily

I sighed and agreed, beginning to walk alongside them. When we made it to me, Cheyenne, and Casey's usual meet-up spot they looked a bit confused.

"Ooh, you brought your boyfriend," Casey said teasingly while poking my shoulder. I tsked.

"He's not my boyfriend.. I don't even like him." I said, already annoyed at her shenanigans.

"Yeah, right." She replied. I groaned. Will they ever let that go?

Soon we made it to school and we had to split to go to our classes and, unfortunately, I and Kuroo both had math so we had to walk down the math hall together. I kept quiet but it seemed like Kuroo had other plans.

"So, how do you like it here so far?" He asked seeming to genuinely care about my response.

"It's cool, I like the uniforms I guess," I replied. It was true, I never went to a school with such pretty uniforms.

"That's good, I'm glad you like it... you'll love being on the volleyball team. Everyone is so fun and nice. You'll fit right in!" He said happily.

I smiled and nodded, I may not like Kuroo that much but he's still pretty cool and I have no doubt that I'd enjoy being on the team and making friends with more people and getting to hang out with someone who isn't Casey or Cheyenne. I waved and told Kuroo goodbye as I approached my classroom. He waved back before continuing. As I entered my classroom, my smile fell, and I went to sit in my seat. I hated math. Why was it my first period!?

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•Timeskip ~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

After school, me, Casey, and Cheyenne met up and walked to the gym together. We talked and joked for a bit as we walked, and when we entered, coach Nekomata looked.. happy? He had a sort of evil smile on his face... After i put on my team jacket, i walked up to him.

"Hey coach.. whats going on?" I asked him hesitantly.

"Oh, nothin sweet pea, we're just gonna have a practice match with someone in a few days." He responded.

'Totally not creepily vague.. oh well, we'll see in a few days, I guess..' I thought before I grabbed a volleyball cart and set it near the net while Casey and Cheyenne set it up. Soon, the boys came in and began stretching before they practiced.

I paid close attention to the boys and their forms, making sure to tell them if something they were doing is wrong. As I was watching them, Casey snuck up behind me.

"Hey, buddy!" She said, patting my shoulder. I jumped in surprise and turned to her.

"Jesus! Don't scare me like that!" I yelled at her.

She giggled "Sorry~ anyways, Kuroo needs someone to help him with his spikes, I figured you'd wanna help your boyfriend," she said.

"He's not my boyfriend," I said angrily. "But I'll help him, I guess.." I said reluctantly.

"Good! Because I already told him you would!" She said happily. I glared at her, and she ran off after saying she needed to help Yamamoto. I sighed before I made my way to Kuroo.

"Hey, Casey said you needed help with your spikes?" I said as I looked up at him.

"Oh yeah, thanks, I was gonna ask Casey but she said she had to help Yamamoto and that you'd be happy to help." He replied.

If I'm being honest, I was not happy to help. I kind of resented Kuroo, it wasn't because of him, it was because Casey and Cheyenne kept calling him my boyfriend or crush. He's pretty cool, but everytime I see him I just remember the annoying teasing. However, I did help Kuroo with his spikes.

After a bit, the boys split into two groups to play a game before we went home. On one team was Kuroo, Kenma, kai, yaku, and Fukunaga. On the other team were Yamamoto, Inuoka, Teshiro, Lev, and Shibiyama.

Me, Casey, and Cheyenne stood at the sidelines, Cheyenne was in charge of the scoreboard with me. Casey stood beside us, watching the game. The boys got into their positions and began to play.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Kuroos team was in the lead at first, but eventually, Yamamotos team won. Casey went over to congratulate them, which made Yamamoto very happy, and I went to cheer up Kuroo and his team with Cheyenne.

"Hey, you guys did great!" I said happily.

"Yeah! Especially you Kenma!" Cheyenne said sweetly.

Kenma nodded, looking fed up with her behavior. Cheyenne, however, did not seem to notice or mind.

"Thanks, I was going easy on them." Kuroo said. I assume he was trying to keep his ego intact. I smiled.

"Yeah, I'm sure you were." I said in a half joking way.

Casey came over and put an arm around my shoulders. "He shouldn't have went easy, we got the ace on our side~" Casey said smugly, happy that the team she was going for won.

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever Casey. What matters is that we all had fun and got some practice in." I said sweetly.

"Sounds like loser talk to me~" Casey teased before leaving and giving Yamamoto a high five.

I looked away and turned to Cheyenne. "Looks like she's already made a new best friend." I said as we looked at Casey and Yamamoto talking and laughing.

"I know, we're supposed to be her best friends! What a cheating whore." She said with an eye roll. I snickered and nodded.

"Yeah, or maybe she has a crush ~" I joked.

"Maybe, but it won't take the attention away from your crush on Kuroo" Cheyenne replied, i sighed and looked away.

'Damnit i thought that would've worked. People are already starting to assume stuff about me and Kuroo because of them!' I angrily thought.

Cheyenne giggled at my upset face. Before I could respond coach Nekomata called us over to him.

"Good work out there, gentlemen. I reckon it's about time y'all  get changed and head on home." He said. All the guys nodded and went to the club room to change while me, Casey, and Cheyenne left to the ladies changing area and changed back into our school uniforms.

"Oh guys! I've been thinking.. why don't we invite the guys to the festival with us?" I said excitedly.

"Oh yeah! That'll be so fun!" Cheyenne replied.

"Yeah, and it'll be good for team bonding!" Casey said.

We began to excitedly go over our plans for the festival while we walked out of the changing rooms. Then we encountered Kuroo, Kenma, and Yamamoto. Kuroo and Yamamoto gave us smiles.

"Hey, what are ya talking about?" Kuroo said as he rested his elbow on Kenmas head, who moved away from him and slapped his arm.

"We were talking about the festival, by the way, do you guys wanna come with us?" I asked.

"Yeah, we were thinking about asking the whole team." Cheyenne said.

"That sounds like fun. Kenma, we should go!" Kuroo said. Kenma shrugged and nodded, still playing him video game.

Yamamoto smiled and nodded aswell. "Yeah! I was planning on going with my little sister though, os ot okay if she comes too?" He said happily.

I nodded. "Yeah, of course!" I responded.

Yamamoto smiled and thanked me.

"I guess we should ask the others next time." I told Casey and Cheyenne, they nodded. I turned to the guys, who were still standing beside us. "Did you guys wanna walk with us home?" I said awkwardly.

"Oh, yeah. Thats why we came here." Kuroo said as if he just remembered.

"Well.. let's go then!" I said quickly before we began walking out.

Hope you liked this!!

[Ao3 Book]

[Quotev Book]

I am currently working on fixing a problem with wattpad, but as soon as I'm done, I'll add the link to my wattpad version of the story. :)

[escapetheshark]

Off the Deep End | part 3 | swim instructor Bang Chan x fem reader

Genre: fluff; smut; angst

Rating: 18+

Pairing: Bang Chan x fem reader

Word count: 2k

Warnings: mentions of past trauma, drowning, and adult language (warnings will be added to each chapter)

Summary: Hellbent on facing her fears, she starts taking up swimming lessons from one attractive young instructor named Christopher.

A/N: I don't really know what I'm doing anymore, but I promise we'll get to the smut at some point. Just hang in there, the like 3 people that are still reading this.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | to be continued

Masterlist | Network

"So, how was your date?"

Her voice goes down an octave when she asks, wiggling her eyebrows at me with a smirk on her face. I just sigh like an exhausted mother of four.

"It was alright," I shrug, desperate to not talk about it any further, let alone with my co-worker. I shouldn't have overshared about the date in the first place, but I did and these are the consequences of my actions. "But I won't be seeing him again."

"How come?"

"He was a bit uhm, annoying," I explain, biting my tongue so as to not elaborate any further. Maybe it would be nice to just vent, but I could never get that personal with co-workers, and there's no way I'm telling my sister about my shitty date with this guy who took me to Outback Steakhouse, ordered a Superbowl salad and water on my behalf, became aggravated when I told the waiter I'd rather have the steak instead, and then proceeded to call me fat.

Well, I won't be doing that again…! Either way, my co-worker seems to give up on wanting more details. Maybe she understands the struggles of trying to date men in this day and age, or maybe she knows the dance and song by now.

You're so pretty, we should hang out. You're so beautiful, wanna come back to mine?

I sigh again, glancing at the clock on the wall, a little happy that I have just over an hour until my shift is done, and then I can go home to rot a little bit more and uninstall the stupid dating app while I watch some old romantic movie and entertain my own loneliness. Anyway-

"You should just enjoy being single," she concludes. "Value your own company, you know?"

"I guess I'm just lonely," I shrug, desperately hoping she will drop the conversation or, at the very least, change the subject to literally anything. "Maybe I'll just get a cat."

"Just find some guy to fuck and you'll feel better," she unexpectedly blurts, giggling slightly. I snort. "After half an hour with a man, you'll be reminded of why you've stayed single."

"You know, you're right," I laugh as I clean the counters, hoping nobody else comes in or, at the very least, nobody comes in asking for anything more than a simple coffee. "I should focus more on my photography and less on getting laid."

"How's that going along?"

"I've had a lot on my plate lately, so I haven't really done much in that sense, but I should probably just grab my camera and take photos of random shit, huh?"

"Absolutely," she agrees. "Make like an aesthetic Instagram. There's definitely folks out there who make it big through that, why not you? Your photos are good, Jess, I've seen your Instagram."

I'm slightly dumbfounded by the compliment, but I offer a smile nonetheless. I guess she's right. My photos are nice and maybe I should try to do something with them beyond sharing them on my social media every once in a while.

The application has been uninstalled.

I feel my lids getting heavier with each passing second and I end up succumbing to exhaustion on the sofa, feeling good about deleting the shitty dating app.

I haven't used this camera in a while and it suddenly feels heavier than I remember. This time, the pool doesn't feel as suffocating and I'm fully dressed and not wearing that horrendous swimming cap that makes my ears hurt. My models are random kids and staff members who volunteered to be part of a small local newspaper and I'm hellbent on taking the most artistic swimming pool photos Melbourne has ever seen. Well, this part of Melbourne, at least.

"Oh, you're the photographer!"

I turn around to face the source of the voice and I'm faced with the ever-smiling Christopher in his usual attire of swimming shorts and a white tank top, this time he's fully dry and his hair looks a little dishevelled but like he did his best to fix it.

"Yes, the photographer is me," I repeat, cringing inside for the dumb way I said it. I'm trying to not succumb to the temptation of checking him out like my sister suggested, but it's difficult to not stare when he radiates joy and I can't decide whether he's just happy all the time or a complete cunt behind closed doors. It's hard to tell. I'm not sure what's worse: someone so cheerful it's like they can't physically experience heartbreak, someone who hides a world of hurt behind an ear-to-ear smile, or someone who acts kind and friendly on the outside but is a rude arsehole on the inside. What are you, Christopher?

"I hope I look good enough," he chuckles, his ears glowing red as he looks down at his thong-clad feet and tries to fix his hair a little with his hands. "We should have a lady come in to do some makeup, I think."

"Oh yeah, she should be here soon. You guys are gonna be on the Weekly Melbourne, you have to look perfect!" He smiles, his entire face gaining colour. He's beaming, more so than usual, and it's honestly adorable. Jessica, what the fuck?

That's your swimming instructor, don't be like Jamie! I feel my face warm up, but luckily we are interrupted by the makeup artist.

"Jessica?"

"I wish I could have taken some more exciting photos, but they wanted very family style for the article," I can't help but talk with my mouth half-full as I chew on my sundae-covered fries. "It would be so cool to just do, like, an Accidentally Wes Anderson-esque photo shoot at the pool."

"I had no idea you were a photographer," Chris exclaims, unwrapping his chicken sandwich and taking a big bite. "Did you go to school for it?"

"I didn't go to school at all," I reply, trying not to sound bitter about it. "Life got in the way, I guess."

"That happens," he shrugs, his lips around one of the straws in the giant milkshake we ordered to share. "I studied Songwriting and Music Production and now I'm teaching people how to swim. Life does get in the way."

"Oh, so you write music?"

Before he can answer, one of the kids interrupts our conversation to make sure everyone at the table is aware that he won a bet with his friend by finishing his Coke first. Chris laughs and congratulates his student before scolding him about brain freeze, but the kid is too excited about his prize: the little Pokémon toy his friend got in his Kids Meal. The other boy sulked as he handed the winner his toy, but the winning boy decided that he would rather share and let his opponent keep his little Pikachu.

"Maybe this generation isn't so bad," I comment, turning back to look at Chris as he takes another sip of our Oreo shake. "But you were saying?"

"Oh yeah, I make music. It's a hobby for now, but who knows?"

I smile back, it's my turn to drink the milkshake. Somehow, I nearly forgot we're surrounded by a handful of kids, a makeup artist and a couple of Christopher's co-workers from the pool. This isn't a date, I tell myself. But God, I wish it was… Jessica shut up. You're just lonely and horny, don't let your monkey brain take over!

"Well, this was a fun afternoon," one of his co-workers exclaims, escorting the children to her van. "Thanks for the photo shoot, I can't wait to see the article!"

I wave as the van speeds away, glancing around to discover I'm alone with Christopher and trying not to blush at that information. I have to remind myself that the only reason I even looked at him, to begin with, was because my sister insisted he's a hottie - which is true, I'll give him that, and my own loneliness and lack of intimacy got the better of me. None of this is rational, I know, I guess I'm just needy and not thinking straight.

"Well, I'm glad I got to be a part of this. You better have made me look good," he chuckles and I turn my attention to him. "I have to get going, but it was a pleasure!"

"I'll see you tomorrow," I smile watching him walk towards his motorbike. It's starting to get dark and chilly out, I somehow didn't notice the passage of time all day. Time does fly when you're having fun, huh? I even forgot about my plight of solitude for an entire day there. What if life was always like this? Surrounded by laughter, doing something so fulfilling I lose track of time, enjoying an Oreo milkshake on a Friday afternoon without worrying about the burden of being alive, without thinking about the mortifying ordeal of my own existence in this fucked up world-

It was a pleasure…

There's barely any light coming through the curtains, and it takes me a minute for my eyes to adjust to the near-complete darkness. I was drowning… My head was underwater, surrounded by blue as a faded red wave slithered into my sight line. I took my hand to my face and the blood dripped copiously. I was off the deep end, maybe I still am. It's been thirty years and I still see the blood dancing against the deep blue water of the pool, it looks like a bright silky ribbon waving in the air, so mesmerising and beautiful.

The swimming lesson goes by fast and, almost as soon as I entered the water, I'm exiting it and preparing to hit the shower room. I wave goodbye to Christopher and he waves back with a faint smile on his face. I watch as he climbs the pool ladder and grabs his dark blue towel, rubbing at his soaked hair. Maybe it's just my loneliness, the touch-starved nature of my existence and the fact that everyone seems to think he's the hottest thing since Hell was invented, but he's messing with my mind a little. Could also have been yesterday's little photo shoot date, maybe I've been spending so much time on my own that a handsome young man's company for a while felt like a date rather than a get-together.

I'm staring, aren't I?

But what if his hands hold me gently like when I panic in the pool, and what if our noses touch? Don't be ridiculous, Jessica, I chastise myself for my own unfulfilled fantasies. The solution to these fake feelings you think you're feeling for your swimming instructor is to get laid. Your issue is a lack of dick. Well, one of your issues-

Editing the images from the photoshoot means I have to look at Christopher a lot, and that doesn't help my case at all. He looks beautiful in all of them, like he radiates kindness and patience, his warm brown eyes often just a half moon in his face. I would have never noticed him in a crowd but somehow that's what makes him so attractive, just how normal and approachable he is - no artifice, fireworks, just a man radiating joy in his smile. I've lost my fucking mind. But I've selected up to 20 of the photos that I think will look good in the magazine, edited them and sent them back to the editor for further selection and re-touches, so now I can go back to my delusions of being shown some love and affection by a man ten years my junior who holds on to my waist with a firm grip and refuses to let me go, and writes music on his spare time.

Jessica, get out of your head-