#This can and will go so very very wrong for Light | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

whatsk-poppinhomies · 13 hours

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Pairing : Hwang Hyunjin x F!Reader TW : reader is pregnant ; Hyunjin is stressed ; small argument ; reader breaks up with Hyunjin ; Hyunjin regret ; it's mainly angst ; no happy ending ; Word Count : 7.4k A/N : I'm back! Gonna try to write as much as I can before my new job starts!! Request : Anonny : Can you do an angsty Hyunjin Drabble we’re Hyunjin snaps at her because he’s stressed and she’s pregnant but she thinks he snapped because he knows about her pregnancy so she leaves him and he regrets everything and grovels a lot

“Hey baby…” Hyunjin murmured as he walked through the front door, the dark circles under his eyes evident in the bright fluorescent light that hung above the landing. His schedule was grueling nowadays and the jet lag that he experienced had him in so many different time zones you didn’t know how his body was able to handle it. He didn’t even have time to adjust to different sleep schedules before he was being whisked away once again. “Gonna go wash up…” He trudged to the bathroom, the sound of water rushing through the pipes filled the otherwise empty house.

It was always like this, you barely even talked to him anymore other than the short greeting when he walked through the front door. You knew he loved you though, he just didn’t have the energy to really act on the feeling anymore like he used to. You still loved him too, and you’d be there for him no matter what. There was one small… well… Small right now problem… Well, not actually a problem, but it was something that had you slightly on edge.

You had found out you were pregnant, and it’s not like you didn’t want to tell Hyunjin, it just felt like there was never a right time to tell him. He was always gone, and when he came home you didn’t want to bother him with something this big when he already had so much to worry about. It had only been 2 weeks since you took the test, and while you weren’t a fan of hiding things like this, you were still in that timeframe where anything could happen… So it would be unnecessary to even tell him right now when anything could go wrong.

The more you thought about it, it became very evident to you that the trashcan in the bathroom hadn’t needed to be cleared since you took the test. He had been gone for so long, you hadn’t even thought to hide the evidence. It completely slipped your mind, and now you were thinking way too hard, you were panicking. You couldn’t just run in there and take the trash out, he’d question what you were doing. What if he had already seen it? What if he had seen the boxes? What if he looked in the trashcan and saw the positive tests?

Everything might have been quiet in the house, but your thoughts were so loud, and when the water finally shut off and the shower curtain slid open you had barely heard it. It wasn’t until his damp feet padded across the hardwood floors that you lifted your head and saw him coming closer, a towel hanging around his neck to catch the droplets of water that fell from the ends of his hair.

He moved right past the couch that you were sitting on and dropped down into the chair on the other side of the room. It’s not like there wasn’t any room right next to you though… It’s like he didn’t want to sit next to you. Did he find out? Was he mad? He seemed alright when he came through the front door, sure, maybe a bit tired, but that wouldn’t make him want to sit on the complete opposite side of the room… right?

“How was your-” You started, but he let out a loud groan, his fingers coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose. Was he annoyed? Was it because you hadn’t told him? He had to have found out, that’s the only reason you could think of. Your top teeth came down into your bottom lip, a sharp breath shooting in between your teeth as you stared at him.

“I’m not ready.” He muttered, and while you didn’t let on outwardly, those three words had your stomach twisting into the tightest knots. Your mouth opened, not even to speak, just to breathe, but his eyes rolled and your lips quickly snapped shut. “Just, don’t talk please. I’m not ready. There’s just too much going on.”

Your head nodded slowly until you were looking straight down at your lap, your fingers twirling around themselves as nervousness and panic completely took over. He found out, he knew, and he didn’t want to know anything about it… He didn’t want anything to do with you or the life growing inside of you right now. He was too busy. “Sorry…” You mumbled, holding your breath to keep yourself from crying right then and there.

“Maybe I should just stay with the guys tonight…” He proposed, and it’s not like you were going to tell him not to. It’s not like you even had time to try to talk him out of it if you wanted to, he was getting up already, tossing his towel into the hamper next to the washer and then going back to the front door, grabbing his keys off the hook and walking out. Not a goodbye, not an “I love you”... nothing. He just… left.

///

“It’s just overwhelming being home after so long…” Hyunjin explained to Chan as he fell onto the couch, his hands running over his face as he let out a loud sigh. “And I know she misses me, and I miss her too… I just can’t sleep, I’m not hungry yet and my schedule is so messed up, I don’t want to bother her with all of that.”

Chans head nodded slowly in agreement, but then he stopped, his eyes narrowed and his eyebrows lowered to cast shadows over his already darkened eyes. “You… did tell her that… right? You told her all of that… Right?” He questioned, and Hyunjins head fell as he let out a dejected sigh. Of course he didn’t tell you that. If he did, you’d just give up more of your time to try to help him. “So you just left… For no reason? And you think that when you return home, everything will be fine?”

“I’m not stupid, hyung. I know that things won’t be fine.” Hyunjin muttered, letting out an even heavier sigh which turned to a yawn. “But I have another out of country promotion thing coming up, so I’m thinking that I’ll just stay here until I leave for that, and then I’ll have a break when I get back to talk to her. It’ll give me time to get back on a schedule that lines up with hers and I’ll be able to actually be with her.”

He could read on Chans face that he wasn’t on board with the plan at all, but he didn’t speak a word about it, instead just shaking his head as he pushed himself up off the couch. “If that’s what you think will work, fine. I won’t interfere with your relationship, you know her best. I’m just hoping that you make the right decision, for your sake, and for hers.” There wasn’t much else to say anyway, deep down Hyunjin knew that his decision making was flawed in some way or another, it’s just that he didn’t know what else to do.

Leaving the way he did left no room for error, the way he left was an error in itself. He might not let on that he knows it was a mistake, but it was, he knew it was. There would undoubtedly be an argument once he did come home, and the time that he was giving the both of you between then and now was mainly to prepare himself for that argument. He hated fighting with you, but being as busy as he always was had him constantly on edge. It’s not like he meant to take it out on you either, he really tried not to, that’s why he left as well. He was just so damn tired. He hoped that you’d understand.

///

“So you’re… pregnant… and you left? You just walked out?” Your friend asked as you sat in her living room, your eyes burning from the tears that you had cried earlier whilst explaining everything to her. “You’re sure that he knows? Like, 100% sure? This seems like… And I’m not disregarding your feelings at all… But, your hormones are most likely surging and, I don’t want you to make this kind of decision based on a whim… You know?”

You knew where she was coming from, she always thought more logically than most, and that’s why you had gone to her specifically to talk to her about what was going on. “Why else would he say that? Why else would he just walk out the way that he did? He didn’t even tell me that he loved me… It’s like… Like he realized he doesn’t love me now that he found out I’m having his kid.” And you crumbled once again, a blubbering mess curled up into yourself on her couch, and no amount of back rubs or consolations were going to make you feel any better. “I mean… I know that we never really talked about having children… And he’s been so busy lately… I just didn’t think he’d react like this…”

She let out a slow breath, she was clearly thinking, but she also knew that right now, you didn’t need realistic thoughts or “what ifs”, you just needed her to be there for you, and that’s what she’d be. “Everything will be okay… I’ll help you no matter what you decide to do.” You fell against her shoulder, letting yourself cry to the point of your eyes feeling so heavy that you could barely keep them open, and you eventually fell asleep. At least in your dreams, this hadn’t happened. Your subconscious mind hadn’t fully come to terms with the events of the day, and in your mind, you and Hyunjin were still happy, and your vivid imagination played out a reality where he and you raised your child together, in a loving home, one where he wasn’t so busy, one where he was actually excited to be a father.

Upon awakening, you immediately checked your phone. A thin sliver of hope that maybe he had messaged you, maybe he’d want to talk about what had happened and why he reacted the way he did. Maybe he’d apologize, maybe he’d explain things… but there was nothing. There were no calls or texts, hell, you even checked your email just in case… It’s like he walked out and completely forgot that you existed.

“Sleep well?” Your friend asked as she turned the corner from the kitchen, her head tilted as she watched you look through your phone, and the cheerful smile she had been wearing just a millisecond before faded to a frown as she walked to sit beside you. “Let’s not worry about that, yeah? We can order in tonight, watch some movies, really get your mind off of things?”

You nodded in agreement, mainly because she was trying so hard, you weren’t going to shoot down her attempts at trying to cheer you up. She was doing the best she could as your friend, and she couldn’t just bring Hyunjin to you or force him to explain… That was something he had to decide to do on his own.

There was nothing though, nothing that could be done to actually get your mind off of what was happening. You couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that you’d most likely be a single mother, that Hyunjin wanted nothing to do with you or his child. He wasn’t ready, he didn’t have the time to be around for things like that. He was responsible for so many other things, he had so much on his shoulders, how was he possibly supposed to juggle everything that he was already dealing with and being a father on top of that?

“You pick the movie and I’ll order the food, okay?” She patted your knee after passing you the remote, giving you a smile, but it felt more apologetic. She felt sorry for you. Everyone would pity you… Or maybe they’d pity him. They wouldn’t listen to your side of the story, especially the fans. They’d take his side regardless of what you say. He was perfect, and you had essentially stolen him from them in the first place. They hated you from the beginning, they would find any reason to break you down further.

Or, maybe they’d be happy that you made this decision. They could go back to their delusional thoughts, their dreams that they’d actually have a chance with him now that you were out of the picture. You didn’t want to deal with all of that though. You didn’t want any of this to be made public, you wanted to disappear. That’s exactly what you’d do… You didn’t need him to message you, you didn’t need an explanation…. It would be better for you and your child to be free of him. Maybe… Hopefully, he’d avoid you long enough and just forget about you, forget about the baby, forget about everything.

///

“She hasn’t texted you back yet?” Felix asked Hyunjin who was doubled over the kitchen counter, visibly shaking from crying, yet no sound was coming out, not anymore. “Look, I’m sure there’s a reason… What was the last thing you said to her?” Felix, who hadn’t been told of everything that had happened prior to Hyunjins return for his promotions, was just trying to help as much as he could.

“Nothing… I didn’t say anything to her…” Hyunjin gasped out, finally lifting his head to reveal his eyes that were puffy and red, but underneath the redness was a darker purple from lack of sleep. “She took… Everything. All of her stuff is gone. She left.” And with that reflection came another round of tears. “Chan hyung was right… I know he thought I was stupid… my plan was stupid…”

Felix was baffled to say the least, and on top of that, quite disappointed in his friend who had spent the last 3 years gushing over how much he loved you and how he couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life with you. How could Hyunjin have fumbled so badly? “Let me get this straight… You haven’t talked to her at all? What happened?” Now, Felix was no expert on relationships, but he was sure that he could help in some way. There had to be something he could do to help Hyunjin get you back. Things couldn’t be so bad that there was no hope.

“I left… I walked out… And and… It wasn’t her fault… But I did it wrong. I didn’t say goodbye and I didn’t tell her I loved her…” There was still hope though, it’s not like Hyunjin would have ghosted you while he was gone… It was almost a whole month of traveling. He couldn’t go that long without talking to you. Hell, he couldn’t even go that long without talking about you. “I knew I messed up, and I thought… Maybe a little bit of time would make things better. I thought I’d be able to talk to her when I got back because now I have a break… But she’s gone.”

“So you just… Nothing? No communication at all…?” Felixs teeth gritted together, all thoughts of being able to help had been thrown out the window as Hyunjin shamefully nodded his head. “So this… this might be fixable still… you know… with a lot of work. A lot of communication and explanations… This could still work.” But even Hyunjin knew that Felix was just trying to take away some of the sting, give him just a bit of false hope so he could at least sleep easier tonight, but none of it would work. Hyunjin knew the mistakes he had made had cost him an entire 3 year relationship. He fucked up, and there was no coming back from it.

“I’m not stupid, Felix…” The words came out as an exasperated sigh, he didn’t need false hope, he needed you back, and that was the one thing he wasn’t going to get. “I’ve tried to call her, it goes straight to voicemail. My texts won’t even go through. She blocked me. She wants nothing to do with me. I can’t fix things, I don’t even know where she’s at.” He ran his hands rather roughly through his hair, strands getting stuck and yanked out between his fingers, only worrying Felix more. Hyunjin was beyond stressed at this point, he was stressed and depressed, and those two are a very bad combination.

“How about you just not think about it for a bit. Just… Focus on literally anything else.” At this point Felix was pleading. Seeing Hyunjin like this, although it was solely Hyunjins fault, was devastating and beyond worrisome. He didn’t know what Hyunjin would do, he didn’t know how bad Hyunjin could get, he didn’t even know if this was the worst of it. He didn’t like seeing his best friend like this.

Hyunjin scoffed, an unamused smirk stretching across his face. “Oh? Focus on something else, like I’ve been doing? That’s the reason I lost her in the first place. I’m tired of having to focus on so much other shit that I can’t even focus on my own girlfriend!” His voice continued to rise in volume and pitch, and now Felix was downright scared. “I lost the love of my life because I put everything else in front of her! I made everything else my priority! You see where that gets me!”

Felix stumbled back, scared to even attempt to make eye contact at this point. “Look, I get that you’re mad at yourself right now, and that’s fair… But you need to calm down…” Hyunjin wouldn’t do anything to hurt him, he was sure of that, but his hands instinctively moved out in front of him to keep some space between himself and Hyunjin, just in case his words upset Hyunjin even more. “Maybe she needs some time… Maybe she’ll come back to you. You can't just… You can’t be going off like this…”

A laugh, almost maniacal, escaped Hyunjins lips, his head falling back as the sound seemed to vibrate the whole room. “Calm down… Calm down?! How?! How am I supposed to calm down!? Would you stay calm during a situation like this?! If you ruined your entire relationship would you just be calm!?” He continued shouting, and Felix knew that at this point there was no use. He would either descend completely into madness, or he’d come to his senses and realize that he’s acting absolutely crazy right now. “I need to go out, I need a drink or something.” Hyunjin mumbled, and while Felix knew that a drink was the last thing that Hyunjin needed, there was no use trying to stop him, there was no use trying to talk to him, there was no use trying to do anything to help right now.

///

“You’re in a good mood today. What’s got you so happy?” Your friend asked, noticing that you were smiling at your phone for the last 15 minutes at least. “Did you get a new boyfriend or something?” You whipped your head up long enough to scowl at her, and she laughed lightly as she leaned back against the couch. “Okay, no boyfriend… So, what is it?”

You turned your phone in her direction and waved it back and forth as you exclaimed. “I got the apartment that I’ve been looking at. It’s affordable and big enough for myself and the baby.” You dropped your hand down to your lap, clicking off your phone and letting out a soft sigh. “I’ll miss staying with you though… You��ll have to visit me a lot.”

She snorted loudly, leaning forward and reaching over to grab your hand. “I know that you felt like you needed to do this, but I wouldn’t have minded you staying here. The company was nice…” The corners of your mouth pulled down into a frown at the sentiment, it was too late to go back now that you had already agreed and the landlord was in the process of getting the leasing papers. “Hey, no pouting. I’ll be over your place so much that it’ll be like I live there.”

Maybe it was the hormones that had tears prickling at the corners of your eyes, or maybe it was just the fact that you had become so comfortable staying at your friend's apartment that you know how you’d actually do this on your own. Now you wouldn’t have anyone, not Hyunjin, and not even her. “Promise?” You whimpered, and a sympathetic smile spread across her face as she dabbed at your tears with the sleeve of her hoodie.

“I promise. I’m gonna be like the second mom that the baby never asked for.” You laughed weakly at the joke before finally taking a deep breath and getting up, your friend moving right alongside you. “So when is the next appointment? I wanna know what our baby is gonna be, hmm!” You rolled your eyes, but it felt nice to hear someone, anyone, call the baby ours and not just yours…

“Next week…” You murmured as you walked into the kitchen to grab a drink and she followed right behind you. “Is it okay to be scared? I mean… Once I find out… that makes it more real. I still feel alone… And I know that you’re here and I’m so happy that you are… I don’t know what I would have done without you here… But he’s… I still have dreams about him… What it would be like to have him as a part of the baby’s life.”

“That’s normal…” She reassured you, stepping around the counter to rub your back in soothing circles. “Just because you got rid of him doesn’t mean that your heart or your mind can or will get rid of him. He’s the father of that baby, regardless of whether he wants to act the part or not, and you won’t forget that.” And once again you were sniffling, your head falling against her shoulder as she consoled you. She put up with a lot for you, and for that you felt awful, even if she said she didn’t mind. You truly didn’t know what you’d do without her.

///

Hyunjin had slowly begun to get back to his normal routine, although he still missed you, at least during the day he was able to act like he was okay. The same couldn’t be said about nighttime though, he’d lay in bed scrolling through his pictures of you and just cry. 6 months was a long time to be away from someone, and most people would think that it was enough time to get over someone… But it was hard to get over a person if that person was the one that you were in love with.

Daylight hours though, he was the Hyunjin that everyone knew and loved. The only thing that was different was that he didn’t talk about you anymore, and it’s not that he didn’t try to, it’s just that the guys would stop him before he could even get a word out.

It had been weeks now since he had last tried to even bring you up, and all of the guys really thought they were beginning to get somewhere. Sure, they’d still hear him crying at night, but they were really hoping that soon he’d be able to move on, maybe not to another girl, but move on from his mistakes, use them as a lesson in the future for what not to do.

“We should go to the cafe since we’ve got a break, yeah?” Felix suggested as he sat against the mirrored wall beside Hyunjin in the practice room. “I think we deserve to reward ourselves after all of our practice. Plus, I know your ass would never turn down an iced americano, so let’s go.” Hyunjin chuckled as he and Felix both got up off the floor, heading to the door.

“We should go to my favorite place, they’ve got the best pastries and I’m so hungry.” Felix nodded along to the suggestion, anything to make Hyunjin happy and keep him happy. What both of the guys didn’t know though, was that Hyunjins favorite cafe had become your favorite cafe as well. It’s not like you could help the cravings that seemed to come almost overnight the further along you got in your pregnancy.

The walk was short, it was within a block of the building, and maybe that’s why Hyunjin had come to like it so much. It wasn’t just the taste of the beverages and the treats, it was the convenience of it as well. Not just that, but there were memories there, memories that he tried to keep at the back of his mind, but just the sight of the familiar storefront sign had the memories flooding in. He couldn’t help but think back on all the days that he’d meet you there during your lunch breaks, holding hands with you across the table as you both talked about your days. Where did it all go wrong?

“Oh look!” Felix announced, breaking the silence of the otherwise quiet walk. “It must be the anniversary of the cafe opening or something. They’ve got balloons all out front.” Hyunjins eyes were drawn to the pink and white orbs that floated in the front of the shop. Over the five years that he had been going there, he had never seen them do anything like that before for anniversaries, but maybe this one was important.

“That’s cute… Maybe they’ll have some specials or something.” Hyunjin joked, his pace picking up slightly at the thought of a discounted treat. Things were starting to get a little weird now though as he and Felix got closer. There had never been so many cars parked out front of the cafe at once, and as he glanced through the window, he could see pink and white streamers hanging from the ceiling. “Is someone having a party?” He questioned, and Felix peaked in as well, but ultimately shrugged his shoulders.

“I’m sure they’re not using the whole cafe, come on. We can probably still get a seat.” Felix pushed through the door, the chime above the door ringing out and letting the employees and everyone else in the cafe know they were there. “Looks like a baby shower… I’ve never known of people having baby showers at cafes… That’s new.” He mused, pointing to the banner that hung above the counter.

“Is it just me… or did it get like… really awkward in here…” Hyunjin whispered, noticing the way the entire cafe seemed to go silent upon their entrance. He couldn’t help but feel antsy under the gazes of so many people. “Maybe we should just go back after we order…”

“Or it could just be because we’re famous… Come on… Don’t make me walk back yet. My feet are tired.” Felix playfully whined, and Hyunjin relented. He was sure that Felix was right, sometimes it was easy to forget that he was an idol, especially when he was out doing normal things like getting coffee with his best friend. “Maybe if the parents know of us, they’ll ask us to take pictures. I wouldn’t mind doing that. That would be so cool actually.” Felix continued to think out loud after ordering the drinks and the pastries, Hyunjin following along as they walked to a table closer to the back.

By that time, it seemed like the people that had already been there for the baby shower were talking amongst themselves, quieter now, and Hyunjin was trying so hard not to be pessimistic, he was trying to truly believe what Felix had said, but there was just this feeling in his stomach that these people weren’t shocked or in awe at the fact that the two of them had shown up. They were angry. Then, the chime above the door rang out, and a unified chorus of “surprise” was cheered. That’s when Felix almost choked on his drink, his eyes widening as he set his eyes upon the new “customer”.

“There is no fucking way…” Felix muttered, and it’s not like he’d be able to keep Hyunjin from looking, it’s not like they wouldn’t pass by the party anyway on the way out. If something were to happen, it was bound to happen, regardless of how much Felix tried to keep it from happening, so he decided not to try at all. All he could do was hold his breath as he watched Hyunjin turn around in his seat and then completely freeze when his eyes landed on you.

It wasn’t just you though, there was someone else… Although they weren’t visible right now, they weren’t standing beside you… They were growing inside of you. You had to be 6… maybe 7 months pregnant by now… And it was all starting to make sense to Hyunjin now… At least in his head. That’s why you left. You had gotten pregnant by someone else while he was away, that had to be the reason. What other reason was there for you to just leave the way you did without saying a single word. This whole time he had thought that it had been his fault… But you had cheated on him. You cheated and you didn’t even have the common decency to tell him before you left.

“Wow! Congratulations!” Hyunjin cheered snarkily as he loudly pushed his chair back and got up, clapping his hands together so hard that it almost echoed off the walls. “Crazy that of all places I finally get to see you again, it’s at your baby shower! Is that why you left, huh? You just couldn’t stay faithful while I was away and you managed to get knocked up! Where’s the father? Where is he, hmm!? I just wanna talk to him!” His voice started rising in pitch and getting louder and louder, something that Felix had seen before, and even though he was upset as well, he didn’t want Hyunjin to do something that he might end up regretting.

“What are you talking about?” You managed to say through tears and sobs, your arms seeming to instinctively wrap around your stomach to protect it from Hyunjins anger. “Stop trying to act so innocent just because you’re out in public! Or did you not even tell Felix?! Or maybe you just conveniently forgot that you’re the one that walked out on me because you found out I was pregnant and you didn’t want to deal with it!”

“WHAT?!” Both Hyunjin and Felix said the word at the same time, both of their expressions mirrored right beside each other as they stared at you, their mouths agape and their eyes so wide it looked like they might fall out. “Wait… Just.. Hold on a second!” Hyunjin stammered, his arms going up in defense as everyone in the room started to get more angry. “You’re… You’re saying… The baby is mine?!”

You let out a sigh of disbelief, your hand running shakily through your hair, but Hyunjin couldn’t seem to take his eyes off your stomach that was rounded out, like a volleyball was placed under your shirt. It’s not like he had never seen a pregnant woman before, but to see the woman that he was head over heels in love with, pregnant… it was something that he couldn’t wrap his mind around, especially now that he knew the baby was his. “I just want to go… I want to go home…” You whimpered to your best friend who had her arm wrapped protectively around your waist.

“No! No wait!” Hyunjin practically screamed when you started to turn around, his hand reaching out to grab your upper arm and keep you from moving any further. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why would you just walk out? Were you just going to… hide it… from me?” His voice got softer, wavering a little as his eyes glassed over, finally looking at you, and the prominent frown on your face had his heart aching even more.

“Stop pretending… Stop… Hyunjin, you already knew.” The words came out as a single breath, exhausted already from the back and forth of it all. “You didn’t have to tell me… I knew why you left. You saw the test in the bin… You didn’t even want to talk about it. You left… You didn’t tell me you loved me, and it doesn’t matter how long it’s been… It still hurts…” You never turned around to face him, but he didn’t need to see your face to know that you were holding your breath, your cheeks slightly puffed out, something that he always found to be adorable, but now that it was because of him, he was devastated. You didn’t want him to see you cry, you didn’t want him to hear that you were choked up, but he knew…

It wasn’t making sense though. “Y/N…” He whispered your name, stepping closer, feeling the glares of everyone around him, but it didn’t stop him. He wouldn’t hesitate. Even if you didn’t want to get back with him, even if nothing was fixed by this conversation… “I would never leave… Not because of this. If I knew… I would have sat down and talked to you about it… I would have… I would have done things differently. I was stupid, but not because I found out you were pregnant. I was stupid because I was stressed, I was so tired from work and… I thought that I had made a mistake before… But now I can see how big that mistake was. I didn’t just lose you… I lost you and… and my baby…” He needed you to know that everything, every thought that had been filling your head about what you thought had happened, that it was wrong.

Even still, you didn’t turn around, but your shoulders slumped and he could see the deep breath that you took when they raised back up. “You didn’t even call me… I tried to call you, but you didn’t answer. You don’t know the hell that I went through… To try to get over you… And I still haven’t. I don’t think I ever will because… I’ll always have her as a constant reminder of you… And I hate that, but I’d never hate her for being born by a father who couldn’t have cared less.”

Those words hurt, they hurt more than anything else you had said, because you truly thought that low of him. “You think I don’t care?” He questioned, and you finally turned around, your mascara running down your cheeks with every tear that spilled over, and you simply nodded. “You’re wrong… I care more than you know. I can’t sleep at night… Because I fucked up so bad… And now I have… I have a daughter…” His voice broke, his head falling back and his adams apple bobbing as he swallowed thickly, trying to remove the lump from his throat. “Now that I know… I don’t… What am I supposed to do? I’m not just going to… Move on and… And act like I don’t have a child… Like I’m not still in love with you…”

“Hyunjin stop…” You muttered, your head shaking as your eyes dropped to the ground. “What do you think saying all this is going to do, huh? If it wasn’t for Chae… I don’t know what I would have done. I would have had to do all this by myself… Because… Because fine, you didn’t know I was pregnant… But you still walked out on me. You put your job before me, above me… You always have…”

“I know…” Hyunjins head solemnly nodded, you were right, it had been one of the constant arguments that the two of you would have been he still had you, but he had been too blind to see that it would be his biggest downfall. “I know I did, and I regret it, and I’ll regret it even more now. I’ve changed though… And I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I know what I want to happen. I want to be a part of her life… Whether what I want happens or not… Can I at least have that…?”

///

“So… You’re still single… I’m still single… I don’t know what you’re holding off for…” Hyunjin teased as he helped you hang the banner across the wall. “We’re great at coparenting… I mean, can you imagine what it would be like if we were one unit? We’d be unstoppable. We’d be the coolest parents ever! Not to mention, the hottest parents at school pickup when she’s older.”

You rolled your eyes. He always managed to find a way to have some sort of variation of the same conversation every single time he came over. He was relentless. “Mm… Don’t fix what’s not broken, haven’t you heard that saying before?” You chimed, stretching up on your toes to try to even out the banner that he seemed to put just high enough for you not to reach on purpose. He stepped behind you, his breath hitting your neck and sending shivers down your spine as he grabbed your end and hung it for you. “You’re such a dork…” You mumbled as you turned around, your breath catching in your throat when you realized just how close his face was to yours.

“And I’m once again asking if I could be your dork… again…” He smiled hopefully, his head tilted to the side, and although you had admitted to yourself multiple times already that you still loved him, that he was the only man that you’d ever be able to love, that you wanted nothing more than to get back with him… There was always going to be that part of you that worried about him going back to the way he used to be. Going through it once was enough, and you had come to terms that yeah, maybe part of it was your fault for jumping to conclusions and leaving the way you had, but he had been in the wrong as well, and you refused to go through that again, especially now that you had a child to protect as well.

“But you are my dork…” His eyes lit up momentarily, and you giggled lightly, taking the momentary lapse of attention as a way to slip away. “I still have to put up with your antics almost daily, and you’re over my apartment every day.” He was following you around now as you straightened the decorations that had already been resituated a million times today. “Did you get the cake?” You turned to look at him, his pursed lips and the already guilty look on his face had you groaning loudly.

“Calm down, baby.” He cooed, and you hated how much you missed hearing him call you that. “I already got it, it’s in the fridge. Have more faith in me… I’m not an absolute pabo.” Your lips pulled into a straight line as you stared at him, but when he remained silent you snorted loudly. “What? What?! Would a pabo make such a beautiful, intelligent, silly, baby girl? Hmm? Would he?”

“Yes, yes he would.” You retorted with a giggle. “Because the pabo is very handsome, and very silly. She got her smarts from me though.” His lips pulled down into an overly dramatic pout and you playfully pushed against his chest as you shook your head. “Let me take credit for her intelligence, she’s only pretty and silly because you’re her dad. Luckily she looks a lot like you. Although we’re gonna have our work cut out for ourselves when she gets to school.”

You went to step around him, but his hands landed on your hips, stopping you from any further as he looked you in your eyes, his gaze becoming more serious. “You’re beautiful…” Everything that came out of his mouth before this could have been taken as a joke, and maybe it was all meant to be taken as a joke, but the light tone that he had been carrying the whole afternoon was gone now. “You’re so beautiful, so smart, so perfect and… and every single day I wonder if it’s going to be the last chance I have to even try to get you back… but until that day comes, I’m going to keep trying because if I’m not with you, I don’t want to be with anyone.” He took a deep breath, his arms dropping to his sides as he took a step back. “But if you ever do find someone else… Can you give me a heads up, just so I can prepare myself for the heartbreak of seeing the love of my life with some other man… Please.”

“You’re so dramatic…” You muttered, taking a step to close the space that he made between the two of you. “You don’t have to worry about that ever happening… There’s no one that can ever make me feel the way you did…” Hesitantly, you reached out to grab his hands, your thumbs brushing along his knuckles. “I’ll never want anyone but you.” Was it really smart to be admitting these things to him? Probably not. Who knew what would happen now that he knew, and you still weren’t ready for anything with him, at least not anything where it felt like your entire life was on the line. “You’re everything to me… and-“

His hands pulled away from yours, and for the split second where you couldn’t feel his touch, you panicked. Was he mad at you? No… His hands moved to cup your cheeks as he placed the softest, sweetest, most bittersweet kiss to your lips. It was everything, the sparks once again unleashed in the pits of your stomach just like the first kiss all over again. “You don’t have to explain… I know that you’re not ready… I’m just happy to hear that there’s no one else. And I’ll wait, I’ll keep waiting until you think that I’m deserving enough to be with you again.” His thumbs brushed your cheek before his hand slipped to the back of your head, his fingers tangling in your hair as his forehead rested against yours. “I love you though, only you, it’ll only ever be you…”

“The birthday girl has arrived!” Changbin announced as him and the rest of the guys walked through the front door, your daughter waddling in infront of them all, her tiny feet carrying her fast over to where you and Hyunjin stood, her tiny hands grabbing at the air in front of her until she reached the both of you. “Are we… interrupting?” Changbin questioned, eyeing you and Hyunjin suspiciously, but you both shook your heads, and you quickly wiped the few tears that had fallen before giving the guys a smile.

“Nope, you’re just in time!” You clapped your hands together, taking a deep breath to calm your nerves and looking around. Everything was perfect. “Thanks for watching her while we decorated. Was she good?” The guys all nodded, but they still looked between you and Hyunjin, the assumptions and suspicions that they had were obvious. You were just glad that at the end of the day, Hyunjin would be the one faced with the questions, not you.

“Ah! Look at my big girl! Dada missed you bunches!” Hyunjin squealed as he scooped up his daughter, spinning around with her as he peppered kisses across her face, eliciting a chorus of giggles to pour out. “Do you like? Is it pretty?” He asked as he pointed at all the decorations, walking over to all the places she pointed to and letting her grab at the balloons and the streamers.

Your heart swelled whenever you watched him with your daughter. He was a great father, he was a wonderful boyfriend when he wanted to be, and you wished that you could get rid of all the doubt and fears and hesitations that you had about him. He truly was perfect, he’s everything that you wanted. He said that he’d wait, but was it fair to keep him waiting? You didn’t even know how long it would take… Maybe someday… Someday soon… You’d be able to give him the answer he wanted, the answer that you want… But for now… For now you both could be happy like this, and for today, you’d let yourselves forget about everything and focus on your daughter and celebrate her 2nd birthday together, as parents, as a family, surrounded by all the people she loves and all the people that love her.

Perm Taglist :

@whatudowhennooneseesyou @duchesskaren @mytherapisttoldmenotto @lovesunshinefelix @moon0fthenight @kurolils @maruskz @hello-2-u-from-me @mrswolfiechan @bunnychangbin

@his-angell @if-spearb @yomomma104 @lanatheawesome @facelesswrittes @grannyindehouse @cutie-wooyo @felixmainacc @syuuji @jiisungllvr @yukichan67

@randomwimp @silentreadersthings @cutiespaghetti @furiousheartpoetry @lixpixstix

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@syuuji @moonlight-the-writer @smutdumpskz @extrhotjne @manuosorioh @yeonjunsfox @jazziwritesthings @itshannjisung

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nu-suave · 2 days

Text

WHO FALLS FIRST, WHO FALLS HARDER? (pt. 2) feat. toji, suguru one, two

word count: 706

summary: who falls first, who falls harder? a/n: sorry i didn’t post the past few days… i did but i made myself angry at what i wrote so i deleted it all. you’ll be missed nanami kento x reader oneshot

Toji falls first, you fall harder. There aren’t many people he’s been able to be completely emotionally and physically vulnerable with; when you first openly offer that and show him no ill will or disdain, he doesn’t believe it. As time passes, though, he comes to accept it as a fact of your character - you simply are a safe person to him, and that’s a very unfamiliar feeling. Things rapidly become a lot more meaningful than he originally intended. He was going to mooch off of you, take a warm bed to sleep in or idle company while he gambled or meaningless conversation at the grocery market. It landslides from there. Physical affection, usually a means to an end, becomes something he genuinely wants. A lot of things about you become wants. He wants to touch you, wants to spend time with you, wants to get you things. It’s hard for him to recognise at first and, in all honesty, freaks him out. He doesn’t see himself as someone made for affection or domesticity or the kind of normal thing romance proves itself to be. It causes him to overcompensate at first - he makes biting comments and is a bit more reserved. He tries to scare you off, almost. He fails.

When you fall, it's about as graceless as Toji was. You’ve been friends for a while now, and in that limbo in between for nearly just as long. He hasn’t flirted with you or tried to push you into a relationship. If he’s being honest with himself, it’s because he thinks you’re too good for him - you deserve better than what he’s currently able to give you. Unfortunately (or maybe, more accurately, very fortunately) for him, you don’t feel the same way. When your feelings for Toji hit you, they hit you hard; you’re doing something mundane, like patching him up (an increasingly common occurrence) or chatting with him while he lazes on the couch, when he makes you laugh and the entire weight of your feelings hit you over a three-second period, leaving you numb with shock. Here’s to hoping you’re more proactive about your relationship than Toji is - you might be left in that period of requited pining for longer than either of you would like, until either you gain the courage to confess or he finishes attempting to pull himself together enough to feel like he can be something good for you.

You fall first, Suguru falls harder. He has a kind of effortless charisma that initially draws you to him; he’s charming, likeable, conscientious, and good looking to boot. You know from the very beginning that he’s the kind of person you usually fall for - you’re not wrong. It’s a spark that lights quickly, and it’s a gradual blurring of feelings until you look back on the early days of your friendship and wonder if there was ever a time you weren’t in love with him. He’s thoughtlessly respectful, never stepping over or pushing your boundaries - and sometimes picking up on them before you even need to say anything. It’s like he’s just tuned into your behaviour, and never crosses a line that’d make you uncomfortable. You never feel lesser in his presence or like you’re second place, even as you battle Satoru for his attention. Just by existing, Suguru makes the people around him feel heard.

When he falls, it’s over the course of a conversation. You’re both out with your friends, and Suguru is noticeably checked out of the conversation; he doesn’t talk much, is keeping to himself in the corner, replying to any attempts to engage him unenthusiastically. You pull him aside, asking how he is and if you want to ditch them together so he can get some fresh air. He does. During that night, it mounts and mounts; you engage him in light conversation, at some point just sitting beside him and not saying anything at all. You’re just there, an unobtrusive presence. It’s more comforting than you know, and as you bid each other goodbye at the end of the night, it hits him - how long has he been feeling this way about you? How long have you been this silent support for each other?

i really hate suguru's part lmao

#jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #toji x you #toji fushiguro x reader #fushiguro toji x reader #toji x reader #suguru getou x reader #suguru geto x reader #geto suguru x reader #suguru x reader #getou suguru x reader #getou x reader #geto x reader

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endeline · 14 hours

Text

Let The Light In: Part 2

Part 1

Words: 1,598

Pairing: Paige Bueckers/Media Manager! Reader

Warnings: Angst, Friends to enemies to lovers (but the reader doesn’t know why they’re enemies), reader is actually so in the wrong, slow burn.

“Is that Paige Bueckers?” The guy sitting next to you nudges your elbow, his eyes fixated on your computer screen.

He didn’t need to ask you to confirm that it was her, as if the massive ‘5’ on her jersey and those unmistakable blonde braids didn’t provide enough context clues. But, you indulge him anyways, turning back to the screen of your laptop as if you need to double check who’s picture you’re editing, before giving him an affirmative hum and re-focusing your attention on the exposure curve that’s been giving you trouble all morning.

Unperturbed by your lackluster reply, he leans out of his seat, inching closer, and letting out a sharp whistle as he gets a better view “damn, that’s good. You take it?”

“All mine.” You reply hastily, reaching over to pat the camera bag next to you.

“Are you on the media team or something then?”

You just nod, casting a quick glance in his direction while his eyes stays fixated on the image of the girl on your screen until you swear you can see drool forming in the corners of his mouth.

“You know this should go up on the posters they have around campus” he says, finally leaning back into his chair.

It’s almost like he knows that stroking your ego is surefire way to get you to soften up.

You turn to him, a hint of a smile playing on your lips now; “if you think that you should go check them out next week, there might be a few changes you'd like.”

An impressed look passes briefly over his face before returning to a cocky smirk. “You know, you’re doing her a favor, she looks way hotter in this than the ones that are up right now.”

Guard all the way back up, you turn to him, doing very little to hide your disgust. Without a word, you scoop up your belongings and move to another spot, eager to distance yourself far, far away from him.

However, as you settle into a new seat and reopen the familiar photo, a reluctant thought crosses your mind: 'He's not wrong.'

Flashback

"Hey, you awake?” Paige's voice is barely audible over the soothing hum of the air conditioner. You’re half asleep, nestled comfortably beneath the blankets, and all you can manage is a low, affirmative hum in response.

"I can't sleep," she whispers again, this time poking your cheek to ensure you’re paying attention.

"Count sheep.”

A loud groan echoes through the bedroom as Paige turns over to face you.

“We should do something."

You pretend not to hear her, keeping your eyes shut.

“Wake up, wake up, wake up” she intones, pulling the covers off your chest as she sits up in the bed.

"Let's go for a drive."

You peek one eye open, glaring at her. "Paige, please, for the love of God, just let me sleep." She keeps her mouth shut, but you can feel her gaze on you as you pull the covers back over yourself.

After two blissful minutes of silence, a soft "please" brings you back to consciousness. Opening your eyes fully now, you stare at her.

"Paige, I'm really tired."

"I'll let you have the aux, and you can bring your blanket," she offers, nudging your shoulder gently, trying to coax you out of bed.

With narrowed eyes, you meet her gaze, her face is illuminated by the moonlight streaming through your open blinds, and with just that one glance, any remaining sibilance of a resolve is shattered.

"An hour tops, and if I fall asleep again, you can't wake me up until we're home."

A soft smile crosses her face. "Deal."

Before you really know what’s happening Paige has an arm wrapped around you, practically skipping as she drags you, half asleep and wrapped in a quilt, through the parking lot to her car. She turns your seat heater on, connects your phone to the car, and lets you choose a playlist before pulling out onto the main road, interlocking your fingers, and letting your hands rest on the center console.

"Dude, come on, really?" she groans as your sleep playlist begins and the sounds of an artificial rainstorm flood the car.

"I'm going back to sleep," Is all you can manage to say in your fatigued state, leaning your head against the window and shutting your eyes once again.

You don’t wake up again until sunlight has begun to shine through the trees lining highway, urging you to peek your eyes open, the gentle shake of the car almost lulling you back to sleep before you realize where you are.

"Paige, you've got to be kidding me," you groan out after catching a glance at the 6:45 A.M. flashing on the car’s dashboard. She looks at you briefly, a sheepish look passing over her face. "You're awake."

“I am.” You respond, not doing anything to hide your anger. “Where the hell are we, Bueckers?" You ask before turning to look at her.

As your eyes meet hers, a soft “Oh” escapes your lips, and suddenly, where you are doesn't matter anymore.

With your camera, you could have captured every detail—the way the morning light seemed to dance across her blonde hair, the delicate shadows her eyelashes threw across her under-eyes, mingling with the dark circles from a restless night. She looked beautiful.

It could be the best picture you'd ever taken of her. - And if you hadn’t been so clueless and absorbed in your art, you’d probably be paying a lot more attention to the miserable expression across your best friends face instead of the light that was hitting her perfectly.

"Wait, hold still," you whisper, your tone softening as you reach for your phone and point the camera at her. “Just let me get this shot.”

_________

It takes a few seconds for you to dig your phone out of the bottom of your backpack where it had been left it in an effort to prevent distractions, but once you’ve found it you waste no time in opening the favorites album in your camera roll, holding up the image from that morning next to the one on your laptop.

‘Oh’

Side by side, the pictures are nearly identical.

Without realizing it, the two of you had recreated the last picture you had taken of her before the two of you stopped talking, before she stopped talking to you.

In this new version, a stark black backdrop replaced blurry trees seen through a car window, and artificial orange and pink lights substituted the natural sunlight. Yet, in this new photo, her expression remained unchanged—those firm glares and pursed lips staring back at you from both screens. A heaviness settled in your chest as you set the phone aside and shut down Lightroom.

‘I’m not doing this right now.’

It was undeniable that you still missed her, even though the two of you had barely spoken in the past year. And despite all of your friends telling you that you should be furious at her for essentially ghosting you, your feelings haven’t changed.

Pure, unbridled misery. That’s the only way to really describe it.

The day you realized your best friend wasn’t ever going to respond to the 20+ ‘read’ texts and missed calls from your attempts to reach her was one of the worst days of your life.

Paige had just gotten the OK to return to campus after her ACL surgery, you had been on your way to try and visit her when Azzi had knocked on your dorm room door.

“Oh, were you on your way out?” She had questioned, seeing your outfit and the purse in your hands.

“I was gonna go check up on Paige I heard she was back.” Pausing before you add, “actually I’ve been meaning to ask if you had heard from her? She hasn’t gotten back to me yet and I’ve called like a million times.” You ask, forcing a chuckle to mask the stress bubbling beneath your words.

Azzi's expression hardens, her eyes avoiding yours. "Listen," she begins, her voice heavy with reluctance, "that's actually what I came to talk to you about."

"Oh?" Your voice rises slightly, a mix of confusion and apprehension.

She takes a deep breath, steadying herself. "Paige doesn’t want you reaching out to her right now. She needs to focus on getting healthy again."

"Oh." The word escapes your lips softly, tinged with hurt and disbelief, as the weight of her words settles in your chest.

The memory fades but the unmistakable hurt is still coursing through you as you close your eyes for a moment, letting yourself breathe.

It had been a mistake to let your guard down.

“You good?”

The voice you’ve been longing to hear for the past year interrupts your thoughts, sending a familiar pang through your chest as you look up, locking eyes with the blonde, her brows raised as she looks down on you with an unreadable expression.

#paige bueckers x reader #paige bueckers fic #paige bueckers #paige buckets #uconn wbb #wcbb #wcbb x reader #wlw #paige bueckers headcannons #paige bueckers fanfiction #uconn huskies

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munsonsmixtapes · 2 days

Note

Hi! I would like to request, #33 "Why have you been ignoring me?" and #20 "Marry me." Like maybe Eddie is so nervous about proposing, he's been avoiding the reader until she goes to his trailer to talk to him.

I love your writing so so so much 💜💜

Hello, lovely! I always see you liking my posts and I just wanted to say thank you so much for all of the support!

Eddie x fem!reader

cw: hurt/ comfort

Prompts used: 20. “Marry Me.” and 33. “Why have you been ignoring me?”

You and Eddie had been together for three years and from the beginning, everyone thought that you were going to get married. It was clear that you had been in love with each other for a long time and it was only a matter of time that you got together.

Little did you know that Eddie had bought a ring not long after you started dating because he just knew that you were the one. He had kept the thing in his desk drawer and was grateful you didn’t like the snoop or else he would have been fucked.

Eddie was usually very clingy, but lately, though, you had noticed that he had become more distant. He had been ignoring your calls and it had gotten to the point where you hadn’t seen him in over a week, which was weird since the two of you were attached at the hip, seeing each other every single day without fail. With that, you had no choice but to believe that he was going to break up with you. What else could you believe when he hadn’t even wanted to talk to you?

Because you didn’t want to give up on what the two of you had, you decided to go over to his trailer and find out for yourself. You had to know what was going on. That wasn’t like him and it was killing you not knowing what was happening.

You burst through the door that was always unlocked and made a beeline for his room. You stood in the door way and Eddie was quick to turn around from his desk, his face lighting up when he saw you, but quickly deflated when he saw that you had been crying.

“If you’re breaking up with me just say that,” you said, trying to hold back your tears but they just kept coming.

Eddie was quick to get out of his chair and head towards you to pull you into his arms. After that, the tears kept flowing while he let you cry, letting you get it out before you told him what was wrong.

You just couldn’t stand losing him. You couldn’t let him let you go. You were going to hold on tight as long as you could. You couldn’t let the best thing that ever happened to you slip through your fingers.

“Honey, what is going on?” He pulled back to look at you, wiping the tears from your cheeks. “I’m not breaking up with you. Why would you think that?”

“Why have you been ignoring me?”

“I-” he cut himself off, trying his best to explain what had been going on without ruining the whole thing. He didn’t have anything elaborate planned, but he still wanted to do it on his own terms. But he supposed that there was no time like the present.

Eddie pulled away from you and headed over to his desk. He slowly opened the drawer where he had kept the ring and pulled out the blue velvet box before turning towards you.

You noticed that he had something hidden behind his back and that his eyes were starting to tear up. He slowly got down on one knee and you let out a gasp as you realized what he was doing and covered you mouth with your hands as you did so. Eddie then pulled the box out from behind his back and opened it, the beautiful ring practically shining.

“Y/n, I’ve known you for quite some time and I have to say that I’ve never been happier. We’ve been together for three years now and I can confidently say that they’ve been the best three years of my life.” He was now getting choked up and it made your eyes water seeing that thinking about marrying you made him so emotional.

You couldn’t believe it. He had been proposing and now you felt so awful for thinking that he was going to break up with you. It had actually been the opposite and he had wanted to spend the rest of his life with you.

“Marry me.” He said the words through tears and you couldn’t help but nod furiously. You urged him to stand up and he put the ring on your finger before you pulled him into a lingering kiss.

“Of course I’ll marry you,” you nodded and wrapped your arms around his neck, jumping into his arms. Your legs wrapped around his waist as you pressed your lips to his again. He slowly backed up to the bed and collapsed onto it, the two of you deciding to start your engagement off sleeping together, wanting to seal it by getting tangled up in Eddie’s sheets.

#stranger things #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie x y/n #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x fem!reader

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diorsluv · 2 days

Text

casual , part 11

“ but we’re ”

series m. list previous chapter next chapter

( socialmedia!au )

yourusername

liked by luca.fantilli, rutgermcgroarty, and 111,103 others

yourusername ur favs are back 😈😈

tagged: luca.fantilli, rutgermcgroarty, markestapa, edwards.73, vivianliu

view all comments

username10 aww this is my fav type of post

username1 BUBBLES

→ vivianliu my fav powerpuff girl 🫧

→ yourusername buttercup 4EVAAAA

_alexturcotte 1/3 of these pics have some sort of suffocation going on… are you guys okay

→ yourusername it’s only 2 pics

→ _alexturcotte out of 6

→ yourusername turcs stop mathing please

→ _alexturcotte whats 9+10

→ colecaufield OH OH I KNOW THIS ONE

→ trevorzegras 21!!!!!!

username46 wheres my girl vivi 😔😔

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username21 the chaos is so endearing

_quinnhughes i thought u said vivian wasn’t going with u guys

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→ jackhughes first date at subway 😬

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trevorzegras you need to invite me

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username39 when do i get a friend group like this 😕

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markestapa ngl that card game was fire

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→ markestapa LMFAO

luca.fantilli we never hang out anymore 😔

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→ rutgermcgroarty luca’s right we never see u in the light of day

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→ luca.fantilli UR ALWAYS W UR DAMN BoyfRiEnD

→ rutgermcgroarty REAL WE WERE THE BOY FRIENDS BEFORE YOU GOT YOUR BOYFRIEND

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rutgermcgroarty you have no good photos of me do you…

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adamfantilli the shoe game is fire

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→ dylanduke25 😴😴😴

username71 it’s so cute how ur always together

edwards.73 stop teaming up with rut when we play card games

→ yourusername but you and i always compete against each other

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→ edwards.73 well maybe i wanna change our thing

→ luca.fantilli not possible bro u can’t change a “thing”

username93 luca, rut n mark r dressed up as powerpuff girls like TELL ME IM WRONG

lhughes_06 i don’t like this horsing around mess

→ yourusername stop speaking like an old man for the love of god you’re TWENTY.

→ lhughes_06 respect your elders

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mackie.samo i shouldn’t have left i miss you

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→ yourusername we miss you too ☹️

rutgermcgroarty

liked by colecaufield, yourusername, and 100,004 others

rutgermcgroarty its national best friend day look its my best friend

tagged: yourusername

view all comments

yourusername it’s not national best friend day 😑

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→ rutgermcgroarty WHY WONT U LET ME APPRECIATE U

→ yourusername p sure the boyfriend’s gonna get mad 😖😖😖😖😖😖

→ rutgermcgroarty whats stopping him from posting an appreciation post

adamfantilli ok whats the likelihood of him actually posting an appreciation post LMFAOO

→ rutgermcgroarty 0.0001%

username29 ooooo the bf’s getting called out

username27 AWW THE CREEPER HATS

username18 minecraft besties so aesthetic

→ yourusername girl he’s horrible he built an obsidian dick in my survival house

→ username6 oh……..

→ username30 😧

markestapa the way she’s barely at your shoulders LMAOOO

→ yourusername HEY NO I WAS CROUCHING

→ rutgermcgroarty stop trying to save face we know how tall you are

→ yourusername no one online knows my height they’ll never know if i’m lying or not 🤨🤨

→ mackie.samo you’re actually 7’6 yourusername

→ dylanduke25 or maybe she’s 4’6 💀

username14 guys what if the bf posts her but it isn’t ethan

→ username68 i’d cry

luca.fantilli best friends but u dont even have pics of her 🙄

→ rutgermcgroarty real best friends got no pics of each other 😔😔

→ luca.fantilli i have pics of u???

→ rutgermcgroarty but we’re men

→ yourusername isnt it supposed to be the other way around??

edwards.73 ik what ur tryna do

→ rutgermcgroarty do u tho?

_alexturcotte deliberate beef (?)

→ rutgermcgroarty perchance.

→ markestapa you can’t just say perchance.

→ mackie.samo you can’t just say perchance!

→ dylanduke25 YOU CAN’T JUST SAY PERCHANCE.

→ adamfantilli YOU CAN’T JUST SAY PERCHANCE!

→ luca.fantilli YOU 🫵 CAN’T ❌ JUST 😓 SAY 🗣️ PERCHANCE 🤷‍♂️

→ yourusername god what is this nonsense

lhughes_06 mhm 🤨

→ rutgermcgroarty i thought u supported my aspirations

→ lhughes_06 mhmm 🤨🤨

username45 are u trying to make ethan jealous

username89 one day they’re gonna get into an actual fist fight

next chapter notes ) so… i was going back over old chapters of feather and i realized they used to be SO short??? like why did i suddenly start making everything longer but for the sake of the plot and my sanity i’m ACTUALLY going to be reverting to my old ways this time (not lying!!!!) and it’ll be easier for me to get chapters out 😭

tags: @dancerbailey3 @hughesfein @loveforaugust @alwaysclassyeagle @love4ldr @inhoodmood @bunting58 @crazycat-ladys-blog @smoooore @bunbunbl0gs @lilasianmeat

#ethan edwards #ethan edwards fanfic #ethan edwards fic #ethan edwards x y/n #ethan edwards x reader #luke hughes #jack hughes #quinn hughes #mark estapa #dylan duke #mackie samoskevich #trevor zegras #alex turcotte #cole caufield #adam fantilli #luca fantilli #rutger mcgroarty

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tonythr · 3 days

Text

The Watcher's telescope view is a social commentary and here's why

Ok so let's set some things right first. City of Tears is amazing.

(Yes, Pale Court is also an amazing mod)

I've played Hollow Knight many times, and City of Tears is probably the one location I never get tired of. The scenery, the lore, the room layout, the music, the atmosphere - it's all perfect. It's the culmination of Halllownest's beauty, the peak of the game's art style, and the narrative's most essential location. City of Tears is the heart of Hollow Knight.

This game is a story about a Kingdom and its death, a tragedy of a society that was built on dreams of light but ultimately was consumed by the light so much that darkness became its only hope. And City of Tears stands at the center of this story. So it's fitting that the themes of corrupted dreams, society flaws, and dark hopes are what shape the lore and atmosphere of this beautiful, gorgeous location.

Did you ever notice that the tears of this Kingdom are dark despite them originating in a glowing blue lake, and the waters that flood the streets are almost as dark as the void in the Abyss? Do you ever think about how the vibrant blue color of the City is basically a culmination of how the color blue is presented in other locations (Howling Cliffs, Forgotten Crossroads, and later Royal Waterways being more of a remix of it), and how it's tied to the very essence of Hallownest (and how Resting Grounds, the location that contains Blue Lake and also uses a bright blue color, represent the very foundation of Hallownest's history, that being Seer's story about the Moth Tribe's betrayal that started the war between Pale King and the Radiance)? Do you feel like Soul Master basically represents the thunder and the lightning in this never-ending rain? Do you get it????

Anyway yeah, there are many things that can be said about City of Tears, and this is hopefully not the last time I make a post about it. What I want to talk about here is the City's society.

Basically, Monomon said it better than anyone could:

It's a very complicated topic. The narrative basically explores the inner mechanisms of a free mind, how its primary need is finding a purpose, and how its purpose turns out to be a constant need of... something. Anything. As long as there is something to want, a free mind will want it. As long as there is something to yearn for, something to enjoy, something to dream about, our minds are going to move in its direction, never wanting to stop. Because a stasis is worse than death. Because a world without dreams is an empty world.

But then again, isn't constant yearning another instance of, well, constance? If dreams never end but also never evolve, doesn't that create another kind of stasis?

Like I said, it's very complicated. Let's go back to what I was getting at in the first place. What I actually wanted to say is this:

Theese guys fucking fucked up as a society.

It's classic dystopian shit (or maybe I'm using the wrong word, but you get the point). Rich people are living in luxury while the rest are suffering. They're making gold a fucking religion and are seeing it as the only beauty in the world. The corrupt upper class are using heavy gatekeeping on the lower class.

Literally.

What's interesting is that, at first, we barely see any lower class bugs in the City. There's suspiciously few regular husks in this location, compared to how many rich guys are on the eastern side. But then we get to Soul Sanctum and it all starts to make sense.

There are no red cloaks in those corpse piles. Only the poor were killed for those experiments. It can't be a coincidence. It's straight-up elitism-based genocide (again, I don't know if I'm using the right terms, correct me if there's a better way to say that, but the point is clear).

Also, see how many streets are flooded on the western side in comparison to the eastern side.

Point is, the bugs that ruined the kingdom by always wanting more (what Monomon wrote about) are most likely theese rich ones. It's a very fitting thing for this dystopian narrative: neverending greed that leads to the downfall of a civilization.

There's a note in the Hunter's Journal that describes it in the best way possible:

For every location in the game, there is a place that functions as the center of its essence, its narrative heart, the culmination of its themes. For Queen's Gardens it's the White Lady's cocoon, for Greenpath it's the Lake of Unn, and for City of Tears (or at least its eastern part, the one with the upper class) it's the Watcher's Spire. The tallest building of the great capital. The home of (evidently) the most rich and influential bug of the City's high society. Literally the top of this social hierarchy.

He is also arguably the most mysterious dreamer out of all three. I mean, why does he have only one eye? What type of bug is he? How did he get this much power? Does he really have some kind of connection with the Collector? Is he a motherfucking fluke? Why does he seem to have an obsession with serving the King?

That last question is kinda answered by the cut content though.

That last sentence is kinda confusing. Is it regret? Is it humility? Is it pride in his sacrifice? In any case, here we see that Lurien actually knew that the Pale King was literally a god, and desired to worship him, like any other bug yearns to worship some kind of deity. So while other bugs of Hallownest worshiped PK because he was a monarch, albeit a godlike one (for all they knew he could be just an extraordinary bug, but a bug nonetheless), Lurien worshiped him as an actual god. And the intricacies of worshiping a god are one of the central themes of the game. From the moth tribe's betrayal of Radiance leading to the birth of the Infection to the Godseeker's shenanigans leading to the birth of the Shade Lord - the game makes multiple statements about gods, religious devotion and the semantics of divine power. Just that one idea that a god takes its power from the ones that worship it deserves its own post - heck, it deserves its own book.

So yeah, Lurien's devotion to the King is an important part of the story. He sure is an important character in this narrative. He also got a cool house. Being able to observe the entirety of the Hallownest's capital is badass.

But there's one thing I find odd about all that, and it's the moment we get to actually look through his legendary telescope.

Is it just me, or does this feel kinda... Underwhelming? Almost disappointing? I mean, don't get me wrong, I love this view, it's beautiful, and I would certainly love to be able to see something like this with my own eyes irl, but, looking at this picture, I can't help but wonder...

Did he actually see anything from up there?

In cut dialogue, Lurien talks about how he loves the City's streets, and his hidden lore tablet contains words about his love for bugkind, but... I see neither any streets on this image, nor any bugs (that are not vengeflies). Only spiked rooftops and rainy fog, clouding the view of the actual City.

And sure, the Spire has many windows and even had multiple watchers who were helping Lurien with overseeing the capital...

But his own spot was always this one.

His telescope was sealed in one place, letting him see only a small portion of the City and its life. Almost like his own worldview was stuck in one perspective.

Notice the wording here. It's not "The Seals must remain". It's "Bonds must remain". He's not thinking just about the Seals containing the Infection. He's thinking about the whole Kingdom needing to stay unchanged. His dream is the stasis that the Knight (and also Monomon, Hornet and, in a sense, even Radiance) want to end. The stasis that the Pale King wanted to create in order for his Kingdom (and therefore himself) to be eternal. The stasis that would allow for both Pale King and Lurien's worship of him to remain forever.

But there is always a cost to ascending higher than others, and it's that you can no longer see what's going on below or who's suffering down there. I think Lurien, sitting atop the tallest tower, was actually detached from the struggles of regular bugs. He and his Spire are the culmination of the City's upper class' ignorance towards the ones who were below them on the social hierarchy. A dreamer who dreamt of watching over the very heart of the holy civilization lived so high up he could no longer see his beloved world in its complicated, detailed entirety – and the tears of the stasis created by those like him only blinded him more.

All those flooded streets, those broken buildings, those empty halls, those starving bugs, those sealed doors - even though he watched over them, he couldn't see them.

I'm pretty sure Lurien didn't even know about the Soul Master's experiments, despite the fact that the Soul Sanctum was located right next to his Spire.

Or maybe he knew but chose to turn a blind eye to it (pun intended).

But it's kind of poetic, isn't it? It's the beauty of the tragedy of this game's characters. A Beast who had to surrender everything to the opposing civilization. A Teacher who could no longer teach. A Watcher who couldn't see the truth.

And all that makes me wonder... How much suffering could the Pale King see, standing on that platform at the top of the Abyss, facing away from the pit where his children died?

TL;DR: Lurien's point of view was too high up to actually see what was truly going on down there, both literally and metaphorically. His desire to worship the Pale King made him ignorant of the struggles of regular bugs. Similarly, the extreme elitism of the high society of Hallownest lead to ignorance, discrimination and greed, which ultimately caused the sprawl of the Infection. This side of Lurien's story might also parallel the Pale King's with his ignorance towards the discarded vessels.

TL;DR²: Eat the rich

#hollow knight #hollow knight theory #hollow knight lore #lurien the watcher #city of tears #hallownest #pale king #monomon the teacher #soul master #character analysis #social commentary

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sinsirellaxx · 8 hours

Note

how do you think the toxic!slytherins would be with an innocent!reader who’s literally the biggest sweetheart in the world (even to men which the slytherin boys don’t like)

Slytherin Boys – with an innocent partner

Warning: toxic boys! Not proofread

Mattheo ...

… would be so protective. He’d want to rip his hair out whenever you smiled at someone else – ready to help with whatever.

… had been drawn to you because of your innocence but now he constantly had to bite the inside of his cheeks to keep himself from losing his grip on his sanity – he did not wish to scare you.

… would silently glare at anyone that dared to approach you, his arms crossed in front of his chest with his brow raised. He was glad that most people – especially those, who had heard every rumor about him – nervously smiled at you before retreating. And those who were stupid enough – or unfortunate enough to not know him – would have to deal with his wrath.

… however, would never want to change you – you were his little sunshine after all. He’d just need to get rid of all the annoying sunflowers trying to bask in your warmth. Your warmth was only reserved for him, after all.

Theodore …

… was annoyed by your unrelenting need to help everyone out. He and everyone else were aware that you just couldn’t say no. You simply couldn’t.

… would try different ways to keep people away from you – with the male audience he was successful, silencing the lot with his bloody knuckles and a few of his favorite curses – but he couldn’t go and hurt or threaten girls as well, right? Not only was it wrong, but the girls would surely talk about it and one day the whispers would reach you. He didn’t want you to hate him.

… finally comes up with the perfect plan: He’s going to manipulate you into thinking that your ‘neglect’ is breaking his heart and makes you believe that he feels unloved in your relationship. The tears in your eyes caused guilt to pool in his stomach, the sob that forced its way out from between your lips broke his heart but the way you clung to him was totally worth it.

Lorenzo …

… has bitten his lips bloody from the all the times that his time with you had been interrupted by random students. Even in the privacy of either of your dorm rooms people would find you. Keeping his image that he had so carefully crafted in mind, he refrained from taking action – keeping everything he wanted to do to those imbeciles strictly trapped in that colorful mind of his.

… however, had never been the most patient boy – especially when it came to love. The moment you talked to that stinking Weasley something in his head seemed to snap – just like the ginger head’s neck would if he continued talking to you.

… would be extremely possessive and jealous.

… for once in his life, wouldn’t know what to do, without possibly ruining everything with you.

Draco …

… fell in love with that sweet smile and those eyes that would light up, whenever he greeted you. However, he quickly realized that he wasn’t the only one smitten with you.

… would be so pissed and green with jealousy.

… hates the idea of you spending time with people that did not deserve your attention and because he is afraid that someone will take advantage of you, he’ll just stick to you 24/7. That way he can protect you if something were to happen.

Blaise …

… loves watching you interact with your friends but only if it’s with female friends.

… is very protective because he is afraid that people will take advantage of you.

… loves to be at the receiving end of your innocence.

… constantly teases you and enjoys watching your cheeks redden.

Tom …

… love and hates your purity – who is he kidding? He fell in love with you for that exact reason, but he hates that he can’t keep you bottled up and locked away just for himself.

… he’d definitely be the most direct and aggressive in keeping others away from you. He wasn’t afraid of losing you – you’d never leave him. He wouldn’t allow it.

… is your shadow – he’ll follow you around everywhere because he doesn’t trust anyone – especially not your knowledge of human nature.

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mazzystar24 · 2 days

Text

Being a psychology nerd and engaging in fandom actually makes my eye twitch sometimes because terms are constantly being used wrong to diss people or characters and also people will act like they know every experience a mentally ill person can have just based off a small sample of what they’ve seen and they’ll use that to disregard storylines or people’s opinions or spec

So some things guys that may be an unintentional call out or reassurance for your spec:

Hallucinations CAN be auditory and visual simultaneously (multi modal it can even be tactile, somatic olfactory or gustatory) and there is actually a very high prevalence of this in a lot of disorders and are actually thought to occur more frequently than unimodal hallucinations, and yes it can be in the form of full blown conversations with people that aren’t there and they can be extremely elaborate and complex especially if paired with delusions- so yes the possibility that Kim is a hallucination and we are just seeing it from Eddie’s pov is valid spec so stop being dismissive to people

Also for my brain tumour truthers- a brain tumour is a little complicated when it comes to hallucinations cos it really depends where the tumour is and what regions are effected because for example an occipital lobe tumour is more likely to just cause visual hallucinations- but multimodal hallucinations due to a brain tumour is also possible, a brain tumour also comes with other symptoms too but a lot can be consistent with the spec like for example impulsivity or disinhibition, delusions, aggression (if the buddie divorce is true that works), anxiety, depression, etc.

Trauma bonding is something that occurs in ABUSIVE situations where you start to feel sympathy and love for your abuser it’s not when people bond over trauma - so no what buck and Eddie or buck and Chris have is very much not a trauma bond

Gaslighting isn’t just lying to someone it’s intentionally manipulating them to the extent that they doubt their own sanity (the term coming from a play turned movie where a husband drives his wife crazy by like screwing with the gas lights in their house when she’s alone to make her doubt her memory and her perception of reality) - so no Eddie is not GASLIGHTING buck when he lies to him 😭😭

Codependency is also just not what Eddie and buck have, they don’t base their entire lives on each other and they don’t like have an unhealthy dynamic or have an imbalanced relationship, now yes they both had times when they needed the other to be there for them or help them through stuff or aid their self worth but overall they more so just want to be around each other not that they NEED to and they work on themselves separately like going to therapy by themselves while also supporting eachother by helping out while they do that

#is this post probably for a very niche audience of psychology students who are 911 fans? probably #911 abc #eddie diaz #911 fox #evan buck buckley #911onfox #buckley diaz family #911 speculation #911 spec #evan buckley #911 #buddie

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flickering-chandelier · 3 days

Text

Will It Patch Your Broken Wings? // ALTERNATE ANGST ENDING

A/N: I’m trying something out here, and I hope it makes sense. 😅 I got a dm request for an angsty ending for this fic, and a lot of you wanted to see Azriel pay for his crimes, so here you go! I kept the beginning the same, and the new ending starts after the row of black hearts 🖤🖤🖤

Here’s the original request that the story came from! Enjoy!

Betty, I know where it all went wrong

Your favorite song was playing

From the far side of the gym

I was nowhere to be found

I hate the crowds, you know that

Plus, I saw you dance with him

Azriel grimaced as you led him through Rita’s, your hand in his, a bounce in your step. You loved it here: the energy, the dancing, the music.

Azriel, on the other hand, pretty much hated it. But he loved you, so he went along.

The music was pounding in Azriel’s mind, overwhelming his senses. He could normally block it out and will his body to be loose enough to attempt to dance with you, but today had been a particularly long day in which he had to… secure information from some traitors.

He didn’t let his memory go past that, not when he was with you. But it had been a day. A terrible day.

You were dancing now, like you were born to do it, like you didn’t care at all who was watching. You turned to him, a bright smile lighting up your face, and he couldn’t help but soften at the sight, feeling comforted by your effortless radiance.

He would never understand why you had chosen him. He was thankful of course, but he was willing to admit the two of you sometimes seemed like an unlikely pair. You were bright and bubbly, lighting up every room -- a direct juxtaposition to his shadows, his darkness, his tendency to be stoic and silent.

Watching him stay completely still in the middle of the crowd, your face fell, and you sidled up to him, craning your neck to look him in the eyes as you got closer, wrapping your arms around his waist. “Are you okay? We can go home if you want.”

Azriel smiled faintly at you, dipping his head to give you a quick kiss. “Long day. You can dance. I’m going for a drink.”

You nodded, but still eyed him warily for a moment, gaze lingering on his swirling shadows, before turning back to the dance floor.

By the time Azriel got his drink (the strongest they had), you were fully engrossed in a song that he realized was one of your favorites. He watched as you writhed on the middle of the dance floor, swaying your hips, a bright smile on your face.

A male came up to you then, taking your hand and twirling you under his arm. You laughed brightly before moving away from him, dancing on your own once again.

Azriel couldn’t stop his heart from plummeting. That’s the kind of male she should be with, he thought. The kind that goes to a normal job and comes home without shadows or demons to chase away in his mind. The kind that can dance and twirl and laugh with you without a care in the world.

He watched as you danced and danced, occasionally dancing with a random male for a moment before moving on.

She deserves better than you. She always has.

His breath was coming faster and faster now, the music pounding in his ears, through his skull, all that heat from so many bodies closing in on him. He had to get out, had to stretch his wings, had to get out.

Azriel shoved through the crowd and burst through the doors, out into the cool night, stretching out his wings and breathing deeply. He cursed himself. He was normally better than this, better at maintaining his emotions, his panic. By the Cauldron, he was the Night Court’s spymaster and he couldn’t handle an evening in a nightclub with his lover.

Pathetic. That’s what he was.

“Are you okay?” a light, sing-songy voice broke through his rumbling thoughts.

He turned to see a very pretty High Fae woman. She was dressed a bit like Mor, he couldn’t help thinking, wearing a thin red dress that showed off all her assets, her light brown hair cascading down past her shoulders.

She gave him a look that he hadn’t seen, or at least paid attention to, from a stranger in a very long time.

He blinked. “Honestly? I don’t think so.”

Her lips slowly curved up into a sultry smile. “Anything I would be able to help you with?”

No. No, you cannot help me. I don't think anybody can.

She watched him, her eyes sparkling with mischief, before she tilted her head for him to follow.

And Mother save him, he did.

---

And I can see us twisted in bedsheets

August sipped away like a bottle of wine

'Cause you were never mine.

Your heart had been pounding, your body trembling, ever since you realized that Azriel was nowhere to be found.

Something must have happened to him. It was the only explanation. He wouldn’t just leave you without a word.

But, what could have possibly happened to the shadowsinger, in Velaris, of all places?

Your hand shook as you raised it to pound on the door of the river house.

Rhysand was the one who answered, shirtless, hair a mess. He looked very unhappy to see you.

“I need you to find Azriel,” you nearly shouted before he could scold you.

He sobered immediately, noticing your distress. “What do you mean?”

You explained to him what had happened, that he had seemed off at Rita's, that he told you he was going to get a drink, then vanished. You had assumed that he had been lingering on the outskirts of the dance floor, and didn't notice for quite some time that he had left completely.

“I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation,” he said soothingly. “Did you check your apartment?”

You nodded. He wasn't there, at the home he shared with you. “And the townhouse.”

Rhysand's violet eyes were contemplative. Hesitating.

“Can't you just…feel for him or whatever?”

He sighed, running his hand through his hair. “Yeah. I can.”

“Then do it!”

Rhysand's eyes went unfocused after a beat, and when they widened again in surprise, you knew he had found him.

“What is it? Is he okay?”

“He's… at a random apartment. At least it's not one that I recognize.”

Your heart lurched. “What? Why?”

Rhys shrugged, his expression darkening. “Okay. Shit. Wait here, I'll go tell Feyre what's going on and take you to him.”

Rhysand came back a moment later, now in his normal black attire, and winnowed you in front of an apartment complex not far from Rita's. You had certainly never been here before. The silence was agony as you followed Rhys up the stairs, to the door.

He glanced back at you, a question in his eyes. You shook your head and he knocked, the sound rattling around in your skull.

You heard shuffling, giggling, and then.

Then.

A woman answered the door. A beautiful woman who was wearing Azriel's shirt.

A woman who was wearing your lover’s shirt and nothing else.

Your knees nearly buckled. You tasted bile in your mouth. You were going to be sick.

She cocked her head to the side. “Yes?”

Rhysand was deathly still, his power rippling from him, darkening the doorway. You remained behind him, but you had to know. Had to know for sure.

So you peeked around Rhysand's shoulder, further into the woman's apartment.

And saw Azriel, bare chested, lying in her bed, the sheets bunched up at his waist, his wings drooping on the ground, his hand tucked under his head, staring at the ceiling, like it was the most normal thing in the world.

You barely had time to spin around before you emptied your stomach in the hallway.

---

The worst thing that I ever did

was what I did to you.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, Az?” Rhysand's voice boomed from the door the woman had just answered.

Hearing such a familiar voice in such an unfamiliar setting was initially what shocked Azriel enough that he nearly fell out of bed.

Then it hit him.

Rhysand was here.

No no no no no no--

Azriel scrambled up out of the woman's bed, frantically searching for his pants and tugging them on.

“I-”

“Don't answer that.” Rhysand spat, and it was then that Azriel realized Rhys was holding you upright as both of you lingered in the doorway.

His heart stopped working. His mind stopped working.

He said your name, but it came out more like a croak.

You were trembling in Rhysand's arms, tears sliding down your cheeks.

What had he done what had he done what had he done--

Azriel took a step forward, but you recoiled, and he knew you would've fallen to the ground if Rhysand hadn't been holding you.

You looked… afraid of him. Not just hurt, not just disgusted, but actually afraid.

He said your name again, his voice and his heart breaking, but you turned to Rhysand and said in the smallest voice he'd ever heard, “Get me away from him.”

Rhysand shot you one last withering glance before he winnowed out of sight, taking you with him.

It was silent for a moment, until the woman said, “If I'd known you were such an asshole, I never would have done this.”

Azriel sank to his knees and wept.

---

You drew stars around my scars

But now I'm bleeding.

Back at the river house, Feyre was holding you as your body continued to shake, silent tears continued to fall, while Rhysand paced back and forth, rage radiating off of him.

“Azriel?” Feyre asked, wide eyed. “Our Azriel?”

“He's certainly not mine anymore,” you sniffed, and Feyre winced, shooting you an apologetic glance, holding you a little tighter.

“I can't believe it,” Rhys said, still pacing in the spare room where they had set you up for the night. “I cannot believe him.”

There was a knock on the door of the house and you froze. You all knew who it was.

You looked at Rhys, your eyes pleading.

“I won't let him in,” he said, his expression softening as he turned to you. “I'll ward the fucking house against him if I have to,” he growled, mostly to himself, as he retreated to send him away.

You leaned further into Feyre, grateful for your friends.

For his friends, you realized. His family.

They were on your side now, but you knew where their allegiance would ultimately lie.

In losing Azriel, you would lose your family, too.

Sobs racked your body then, and Feyre held on tight, settling her cheek on the top of your head.

You thought of all the walls Azriel had broken down around your heart, all the promises he had made about love and forever. All the broken pieces of you that you had let him see, that he had helped you heal.

But it was all a lie.

You couldn't stop seeing it -- the woman, naked except for his shirt; Azriel, naked in her bed.

You wept and wept until there was absolutely nothing left of you.

---

A friend to all is a friend to none

Chase two girls, lose the one.

Azriel had come to the river house twice a day for the past three days.

Each time, Rhysand opened the door, molten hot rage in his eyes, and told him to leave, that you weren’t ready yet. Azriel couldn’t blame him.

He knew there was nothing he could do, nothing he could say to make it better. To make you better. He could try to explain what he had been feeling that night, but it wouldn’t matter, not really. It was all excuses, and he knew it.

Azriel had destroyed everything. And now he just had to watch as his world burned down.

Letting out a shuddering sigh, he knocked on Rhysand’s door, expecting to see his pissed off brother again, but it was Feyre who appeared.

He had never seen his High Lady look so disappointed. He hated that it was directed at him.

“How could you do it?” she said, crossing her arms, leaning against the doorway.

Azriel felt tears prickling his eyes, and willed them not to fall. “I never felt like I deserved her,” he said quietly.

“Well you definitely don’t now.”

He winced. “I know. I just -- I want to see her. How is she?”

Feyre furrowed her brow, furious. “How is she? She hasn’t left her room since she got here. Elain’s been forcing water down her throat so she doesn’t shrivel up and die, that’s how she is.”

Azriel swallowed, trying to steady his shaking hands. He felt like he was drowning. He wished he would, if it meant that it would make you stop feeling like that. “Do you think she’ll talk to me?”

She studied him, her mouth a hard, thin line. Finally, she turned, heading inside and he followed her, his knees wobbling.

When they made it to your door, she knocked softly, saying through the door, “He’s here.”

Azriel held his breath until the door opened, slowly.

And when he saw you, he couldn’t breathe. You looked… devastating. Your eyes were red and swollen, you were pale, your hair was a mess.

It was his fault. He had done this to you. He felt sick.

Your eyes were hollow when you looked at him, like you didn’t feel anything at all.

“Do you want me to stay?” Feyre asked you quietly.

You shook your head, your eyes darting away from Azriel. Feyre shot him a warning glare before she reluctantly went down the hallway.

You turned, moving to sit on the bed that looked like it hadn’t been made in days, every movement you made looking wary, exhausted. Destroyed. Your eyes were fixed on your hands in your lap, unwilling to look at him.

Azriel lingered just inside the room, feeling uncomfortable in his skin. He longed to hold you in his arms, to kiss your pain away.

He said your name, willing you to look at him. You flinched.

It felt like a punch to the gut. Azriel wanted the earth to swallow him whole.

“I am so, so sorry,” he rasped.

You shook your head, not looking up. “How could you do this, Az? How could you do this to me?” Your voice cracked when you said his name.

Tears started to fall down his own cheeks as he said, “I… don’t know. I wasn’t thinking. I saw you dancing with those males, looking so carefree, and I didn’t feel like I fit into that part of your life. I’ve always felt like you deserved someone better than me, someone… easier.”

Finally, you looked up at him, and he wished you hadn’t. Your eyes were full of fury. And hurt. He had never seen you like that before. “You cheated on me because I danced with some guys for two seconds?”

“No, no, that’s not what I meant,” Azriel tried.

“You think I wanted somebody like them? Somebody easier?”

Azriel opened his mouth, then closed it again. “I thought--”

“I wanted you,” you spat, and he recoiled at the hurt in your voice, at the pain in your eyes that he had put there. “All I ever wanted was you.”

He couldn't breathe. His voice came out weaker than he had ever heard it, “I'm sorry. It was a mistake, I'm a miserable, miserable fool. I want you. You're all I want.”

You laughed, but it was a hollow, bitter sound. “How can you even say that after what you did?”

“I know, you’re right,” he sighed, raking a scarred hand through his hair, his shadows dancing around his arms. “It doesn’t make sense, what I did. It was stupid and awful, and the worst thing that I’ve ever done, and I am so so sorry,” he said, taking a step forward, reaching his hand out to take yours.

“Don’t touch me,” you spat, wrenching your hand away.

He blinked, taking a step back, his heart in his throat.

“You said you loved me,” you said, your voice now barely a whisper, as if all your energy had been completely drained. “You said you wanted to be with me forever. Did you ever mean any of it?”

“Of course I did,” he said softly. “I still do. I love you. I want you.”

You sniffed, putting your head in your hands. “Well. You should’ve thought of that before you fucked her.”

He blanched at your tone, at your language. He didn’t think you’d ever said that word before, at least not around him.

“Please,” he said, his voice breaking, as he knelt down in front of you, trying to meet your eyes. “Please, what can I do? What can I do to fix this?”

Your eyes rose to meet his. You took in the sight, the shadowsinger kneeling before you, begging for your forgiveness. “You can’t fix it,” you said, seething. “You left me. You abandoned me at Rita’s. Do you have any idea how that felt? I thought something horrible had happened to you!”

Azriel tightened his jaw. He hadn’t known, hadn’t even thought about --

“And then to see you. With her. In her bed,” you broke off, looking at the ceiling, trying to keep the tears from falling, he knew.

“I’m sorry.” It was all he could say. His tears were flowing down his cheeks now and he hastily wiped them away, not wanting to take his eyes off you for fear that you would vanish.

After a long moment, you leveled your gaze on him again. “Would you have told me? If I wasn’t worried sick, if I had just gone home, and waited for you to stumble on in, would you have told me? Or would you just keep acting like everything was fine, knowing that you had just betrayed me?”

Azriel swallowed hard. He thought about the guilt he had felt immediately, how he was contemplating what the hell he was going to tell you as he was staring at that ceiling before Rhysand had knocked. “I would’ve told you,” he said, his voice husky. “I was going to tell you.”

You scoffed, shaking your head, looking anywhere but him. “I don’t even know why I asked. How can I trust anything you say?”

“I don’t know. But it’s true,” he said, shifting on his knees, wishing he could reach for your hand.

Hiding your face in your hands, you said, barely audibly, “I hate you. I hate you for doing this to me and making me feel like this.”

Azriel’s heart finally shattered completely. He knew he would never be able to put the pieces back together, as long as he lived. He had done this to you, his beautiful, bubbly, happy love. Reduced to this. To hating him. And he couldn’t even blame you.

“I’m sorry,” he said again, his voice barely above a whisper. “I love you.”

“Stop saying that,” you cried.

“It’s true. It’s all I’ve got. I won’t try to make excuses, I’m just … I’m sorry. And I love you. I’ll never stop loving you.”

You sniffled, and took your hands away from your face, looking to the ceiling once again, like you were steeling yourself to say what you were about to. “I never want to see you again,” you said, weakly. “You can have the apartment. Elain and Nesta are packing my things right now.”

Azriel shook his head, his panic rising, “No, no, you don’t have to--”

“I do,” you cut him off. “It’s done, Az. We’re done,” you rose off the bed and went to the washroom, looking unsteady on your feet. “You can go now.”

You shut yourself in behind the closed door, and it was five hundred years of will and training that carried his legs out of the river house, and out of your life forever.

Azriel took to the sky, flying and flying, the wind biting at his skin, at his eyes. He kept picturing your heartbroken expression, the words you spoke to him.

He didn't stop flying until he made it to the depths of the Illyrian mountains, where he knew he would be well and truly alone.

Spotting a flat section nestled between several mountains, he landed in the snow, barely stopping long enough to punch the mountainside. It was stupid, he knew, he was more likely to break his hand than blow off any of this steam, but he had to do something to stop this pain, this panic, this despair that he could blame on nobody but himself.

He had lost you. He had lost the love of his life forever because he couldn't overcome his fears. He had been so scared that he wasn't good enough for you that he made sure that it was true.

Grunting, he punched the mountainside over and over again until his knuckles bled, and then he punched it some more. Tears froze on his cheeks, the wind chilling him to the bone.

Az was dimly aware of someone landing behind him, so hard it shook the ground beneath his feet. He kept punching.

“You're not going to solve your problems out here,” Cassian called to him.

Finally, Azriel halted, turning around to face his brother. “You know, we have better things to punch,” Cassian added.

Azriel scowled, sinking into the snow, exhausted.

Cassian strode over to him, plopping down a few feet away, hissing at the cold now sleeping through his pants. He studied Azriel, seemingly waiting for him to speak.

“She hates me,” Azriel whispered finally. “She said she never wants to see me again.”

Cassian sucked a breath in through his teeth. “Fuck.”

Azriel could only nod sadly.

“You know she didn't mean it. At least not the second part. She loves you.”

Sniffing, wiping at his eyes, Azriel groaned. “I don't know if she does anymore.”

“She does,” Cassian said quietly. “I know she does.”

After a beat of silence, Cassian asked, “What are you going to do?”

Azriel shrugged, watching his bloody hands start to heal. “Well. I could either hang around, keep apologizing, and piss her off more, or… leave her alone…”

“And piss her off more,” Cassian added.

A dry laugh escaped Azriel. “Exactly.”

Cassian was quiet for a moment, seemingly pondering how to help him.

“I’m not giving up on her,” Azriel finally said, with more conviction than he felt. “I just… I don't want to make it worse.”

“Az, I hate to tell you this, but I don't think it could get much worse,” Cassian said, grimacing.

Azriel just sighed, stretching out his wings behind him.

---

I knew I'd curse you for the longest time

Chasing shadows in the grocery line.

Seeing Azriel again, seeing him beg on his knees for your forgiveness, seeing how hollow his eyes looked, how his shadows were so unrelenting around him, had absolutely wrecked you.

It was another few days until you had the courage to leave the river house at all.

Azriel had come back to the river house several times, but you had your friends send him away. You couldn’t bear to see him again.

Feyre and Rhysand had checked on you frequently during your stay at their house, consoling you, cursing Azriel’s name right along with you. Rhys had even loaned you what you needed to get your own apartment, on the other side of Velaris from the one that you once shared with Azriel.

That part seemed to make it final, somehow. You could almost convince yourself it had all been a dream until you made your way to your new, empty apartment, without a trace of the love that used to be yours.

That empty apartment wrecked you all over again, and as you looked around it for the first time, your body folded in half, arms wrapping around your stomach as your body racked with sobs.

You had started to regret insisting that you do this part by yourself.

It was really over. Azriel really cheated on you and it was really done.

You knew it was time to start distancing yourself from Azriel’s family. They had undoubtedly been on your side this whole time, but even Rhysand and Feyre were starting to change their tune slightly. You know he loves you still. You know he’s a good male. You know he’s so sorry.

You understood where they were coming from, really, you did.

But that didn’t make it hurt less. What you needed was to hate him. It was the only way you could ever bring yourself to move on, to start living your life again.

You had been solemnly unpacking for a few hours when there was a knock on your door. You stiffened immediately. Rhysand and Feyre had said that they wouldn’t tell Azriel where you lived, but maybe he had figured it out?

“Relax sweetheart, it’s me,” Cassian said on the other side of the door, and you did relax, if only slightly. You hadn’t seen him since before this all started.

Reluctantly you let him in. He was sauntering, wearing that easy smirk he always donned. You couldn’t decide if it was comforting or annoying.

Cassian whistled as he looked around. “Nice place.”

You settled on the couch, tucking your feet underneath you. “What are you doing here?”

His eyes softened as he walked closer to you, then perched next to you on the couch, not quite relaxed. “I wanted to check on you.”

“You can report back to Azriel that I’m just as pissed as ever,” you grumbled.

“He doesn’t know I’m here,” Cassian said quietly.

Skeptically, you turned to face him. You were sure he would be the most likely to take Azriel’s side.

After a moment, Cassian said, “If it’s any consolation, he hates himself probably about as much as you hate him right now.”

“I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse,” you admitted.

Cassian sighed, leaning back into the couch. “Did you mean it? That you never wanted to see him again?”

You shifted, hugging your knees to your chest. “In the moment I did. Thinking about seeing him now… it breaks me apart. But, thinking about the rest of my life completely without him…”

“That breaks you apart too?” Cassian offered.

You nodded, tears stinging your eyes.

“Okay, look,” Cassian said, turning so he fully faced you. “I’m going to tell you something. You’re my friend and he’s my brother, and I love you both, so I need you to know I’m not trying to convince you of anything, I am merely giving you information. Okay?”

“O-kay…”

He took a deep breath, seemingly gathering his thoughts, before he continued. “Azriel has always felt like he was inferior. The way he was raised… he carries that around more than a lot of people think. He often thinks that he isn’t good enough for people, but especially you.”

“How do you know?” You knew that Az still dealt with a lot from his childhood, but he wouldn’t often voice those things to you. He had mentioned something about not feeling good enough when you saw him, but you weren’t sure what to make of it.

“He mentioned it to me a few times, that he didn’t feel like he was the kind of person you should be with. You’re so bright and bubbly, he felt like you deserved somebody who was the same.”

You rested your cheek on your knee, trying to digest the information. “But… he must have known I never actually felt like that, right?”

Cassian shrugged. “On a good day, maybe. But deep down I think he always had it in the back of his mind: that fear that he wasn’t right for you.”

“He should’ve told me,” you said quietly.

“I agree. And I’m not saying that it excuses what he did, but that day…it was a hard one for him. What he had to do in the Court of Nightmares.”

Your stomach dropped. You hadn’t even thought about that.

“Well, he should’ve told me that too.”

Cassian nodded. “Yes. He should have.”

You groaned. “I hate this.”

“I know,” he said quietly, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into him. “I’m sorry.”

Cassian let you cry on his chest for a long moment before he said, “hH wants to come see you, you know. He doesn't want to give up on you.”

When you didn't respond, he said softly, “Just think about it.”

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

You did think about it. And the more you thought about it, the angrier you got.

Azriel and you had been together for years. You knew him. You knew that he sometimes got insecure, that he felt like the two of you were on opposite sides of the world sometimes in terms of your personalities. But, who cares?

When you’re insecure, you tell your partner. You express your concerns like an adult. You don’t go and cheat on them, and then act like it’ll all be okay, because you’re in love.

You were seething, your thoughts racing around your mind over and over again while you walked through the market.

Out of the corner of your eye, you could have sworn that you saw the curl of a shadow trying to hide from the sunlight.

Blinking away the thought, you kept walking, determined not to let him get to you, not to let him haunt your countless thoughts surrounding what-if.

Later, after you had picked up what you had come for, you were shocked to see that Azriel indeed was there. The shadow you had spotted wasn't just a figment of your imagination, but him staring right at you across the crowd.

You were frozen as he made his way over to you, his face blank as ever, but his eyes stormy with emotion, with pain.

“Hey,” he said, clearly nervous, his muscles taut, his wings tucked tightly behind him.

Crossing your arms over your chest, you said, “What do you want?”

Azriel winced, his brow furrowed. “I miss you. I just wanted to see how you were doing.”

You scoffed. “How I'm doing? I'm awful, Azriel. Obviously.”

Grimacing, he said, “I'm sorry. If there's anything I can do-”

“There's nothing you can do,” you seethed, your voice raising. People around you were looking. You didn't care. “You betrayed me, don't you understand that? Don't you see how you hurt me? Do you even care what it'll take for me to ever trust anyone again?”

A single tear ran down his cheek as he reached his hand out to you, before dropping it again. “I'm sorry,” he said quietly, his voice breaking.

“I know you are Az, but it's not enough,” you said, your voice cracking as you focused on reining in your own tears. “You should've talked to me.”

“I know,” he croaked. “I'm sorry.”

You shook your head. “I can't unsee it,” you whispered. “For as long as I live, I'll never unsee it.”

Azriel murmured your name, his expression the very picture of anguish.

But you took a step back, forcing your tears back in, willing yourself to be strong. “I have to go,” you said, then turned from him, darting away as quickly as your feet would carry you.

---

But if I just showed up at your party

Would you have me? Would you want me?

Would you tell me to go fuck myself?

Or lead me to the garden?

It had been weeks since Azriel had torn his own world apart with his bare hands, taking you down with him.

He didn't know what to do. He didn't know if there was anything to do. He didn't know where you lived, didn't know your routine anymore.

He was well and truly losing every scrap of you that he had ever had.

And it was killing him.

He stumbled into the river house one day, feeling absolutely miserable.

It was made even worse when it was you he saw first, sitting with Feyre near the foyer.

Feyre's face twisted with concern immediately, her eyes flicking to you, perhaps silently communicating to you, I swear I didn't know he was coming.

Azriel could only watch as your face contorted with disgust as your gaze landed on him.

His heart shattered, remembering the way your eyes used to light up when he would walk into the room, your smile bright just for him.

Before he could say anything, you got up and exited the house without a word.

Azriel watched you go, his heart breaking more with each step you took.

“She really meant it,” he said quietly, more to himself than to Feyre. “She really wants nothing to do with me.”

“She's really hurt, Az,” Feyre said gently. “She's trying to move on. I think you should let her.”

His heart sank. “I still love her,” he said, tears pricking his eyes.

“I know you do. But some things…they just can't be fixed.”

Azriel knew that she was right. That he had made his bed and now would have to lie in it.

What a miserable, long existence it would be, without you. He wondered how many times this would keep happening, when he would run into you somewhere and you would run away.

A long, long time, he guessed.

He wondered how long it would be until he stopped feeling like his lungs were caving in, til he could get a full breath.

All he could do was wait.

@loving-and-dreaming @birdsflyhome @hanuh @sheblogs @iambored24601 @thalia-as-blog @evergreenlark @ecliphttlunar @bookloverandalsocats @melmo567 @headacheseason @sillysillygoose444 @yourqueenlilith @mariamay02 @halibshepherd @azrielshadows1nger

#acotar fic #acotar one shot #acotar x reader #azriel x reader #azriel one shot #acotar #azriel acotar #azriel x you #azriel angst #azriel fic #azriel fanfic #acotar fanfiction #acotar fanfic #acotar azriel

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d0llcherry · 2 days

Text

۶♡ৎ GILDED LILY ✮⋆˙

✮⋆˙ BLUE DIAMOND OVERLORD READER X ALASTOR

✮⋆˙ WARNINGS/NOTES: this is a remake of an old writing i did in my old account (we don't talk about the original writing.), depression mentions, this is short and not proofread.

۶♡ৎ SONG: I BET ON LOSING DOGS

۶♡ৎ Type: Fluff/light angst, headcanons, romantic/platonic.

ALASTOR ۶♡ৎ

۶♡ৎ You are... unusual to him, you easily could catch his attention the moment you entered the hotel, everyone was kind of astonished by your appearance and calm personality, and that included him, so, you could say you have picked his interest more fast than anyone he ever was interested in.

۶♡ৎ But you also annoyed him in certain aspects, we all know Alastor loves some good old tormenting souls in their weak spots, but you were a case where he had to regulate his teasing, or else he would be greeted by a very saddening aura.

۶♡ৎ Ah yes... your powers are also something i could see him interested in, but not as much as he is to Charlie's, well dont get me wrong but he would easily chose the princess of hell over a just peculiar demon, but you would be his plan B if his plan with Charlie fails, he still keeps an eye on you, especially since you don't die, you poof, now that's something he finds extra interesting.

۶♡ৎ Although, Alastor would find your kindness a bit weak, i mean, cmon honey, you are an OVERLORD! you are so powerful and yet so patient and kind is somewhat a waste of power since you always chooses dialogue rather than going physical, the person could be trying to eat you alive and there you are trying to talk to him, kinda reminds him of Charlie, only difference between you two is that when you want to be cruel you are CRUEL.

۶♡ৎ He finds how calm and collected you can be very admirable , he thinks you are a very pleasant person to be around, since you weren't loud nor depraved in the tiniest like some of the hotel, so Alastor would be rather happy to stay with you, it's quite relaxing to him honestly, having someone who isn't sexually depraved or trying to insult him every 5 words, not that he cares tho, its just tiring to hear so many "jealous souls" trying to get his attention (in his words)

۶♡ৎ You would probably easily grow on him if you tried, all you had to do was keep being calm, quiet and he would already be attached to you like he is to Rosie, the only difference he is a bit more of a collected gentleman since you weren't as agitated and extroverted as Rosie.

۶♡ৎ Now, what can worry him after he grows attached to you is how depressing and destructive you can get when upset or sad, we all saw how mean Blue was before era 3 events, so Alastor will 100% try to ''comfort'' you, saying that crying like that can develop a serious mental illness such as depression.

۶♡ৎ But if anything, he would try to use this emotional deregulation of yours to his advantage, lets be real, Alastor is a clever demon, he wouldn't let a chance like this slip from his fingers easily, but, if he's attached to you enough, he would actually genuinely try to help you.

۶♡ৎ Finds your voice relaxing but wont openly admit it, if you sing or hum something and he's around, he will secretly relax to the sound of you singing or humming, before being interrupted by Angel's obnoxious teasing towards him.

“You are quite divine to me my dear!”

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel #hazbin headcanons #hazbin alastor #hazbin x reader #alastor x reader #alastor #headcanons #steven universe #sfw #୨୧ cherry works

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dekusheroacademia · 3 days

Text

Nicholas Light: using homophobia to be cancelled for clout

This is not a call out post, I don't care about that. This is a summary of events that I decided to write because I know how fandom works and behave.

I am tired of seeing people's "The MHA fandom is so toxic!" for events that never happened, and given this youtuber already revealed he is looking for followers through "being cancelled" (as I'll explain), I have no intention of letting the shitshow that happened be forgotten.

So here we go.

Small disclaimer: This is the sequence of events as I remember, with screenshots to add. Please do not harass anyone. Not even Nicholas Light, as he clearly does not want to be involved with the MHA fandom anymore. Block him only and leave him alone, I am serious. The point of this is showing what happened, not confirming his idea of how disgusting mha fans and bakudeku fans are.

Another small point: If I said anything wrong or incorrect in this post, let me know and I will fix it. While I strive to be unbiased, I am only human.

1)Initial tweet

All of this happened in the span of a few hours, the 9th of May 2024, middle of the night at central europe time. All the tweets have since be deleted as Nicholas Light erased a full month of tweets and went private to do so.

Nicholas Light is an anime youtuber with a twitter account (of about 40k followers, this is important later). He posted this tweet:

I saw it on my tl a couple of times, mainly people saying that he should not generalize and people wondering how come someone who has watched MHA for so long does not know about Bakudeku. This tweet per se is kind of bait-y, but nothing too wild.

A lot of his followers were answering to this tweet with homophobic comments like:

And Nicholas himself then wrote he was throwing up under a bakudeku safe-for-work chibi fanart gif that someone reposted:

At this point there were a few comments saying "It is not too bad, Bakudeku has grown a lot as a ship" or "I just saw someone posting Endeavor/Uraraka", and fanart of other ships with an adult and a minor. Nicholas did not reply to any of them, seemingly only focusing on the bakudeku comments.

Here are some examples I managed to recover, as you can see no answer from Nicholas, he was only interested in bakudeku:

2) The video

At this point, a twitter user replied to Nicholas' main tweet with this:

As you can see, the user is very calm and even says "come across as homophobic", so definitely more diplomatic than what I could have managed. Nicholas replied with "Stop with the your queer audience", to which the user revealed that they ARE one of his audience.

As you can see Nicholas repeats that he doesn't want that queer follower in his audience, and that "I SPEAK MY MIND". Keep this in mind, the irony of it, especially, given he has erased everything.

The queer twitter user was the only person he addressed, and immediately after them he wrote this and immediately posted a youtube video:

You can still see his youtube video up, by the way.

This youtuber saw one user replying to him and immediately posted a "I got cancelled for this" youtube video, and a rant of multiple tweets telling his audience "I AM UNAPOLOGETICALLY ME AND I'LL FOREVER SAY WHAT I WANT". He posted another tweet too but I did not screenshot it.

After depicting himself as a victim of being cancelled because one person asked him about how his tweet could be viewed some bakudeku users reacted.

The first to go was the tweet of the video:

The second was this tweet that was written in reply to his main "i don't want a queer audience" tweet:

the tweet is still here.

As you can see if you click on the tweet, the problem expressed is that he built a queer audience to earn money, but is now trying to appeal to homophobic anime audiences to be "cancelled", and earn some followers and money. How do we know this?

Because of this tweet:

This screenshot was taken that same night, so this tweet about "earning from being cancelled" was posted 6 days before he decided to actually try it.

And it is not over. The user andy (the one who revealed about Nicholas' only fans) was immediately blocked, and they were the one finding this "being cancelled= money" tweet and posting it. Imagine what happened: Nicholas immediately deleted this reply from 6 days before. Which meant that he was checking what this bakudeku user was posting to cover his tracks.

3) Lolicon is fictional, but bakudeku is a disease and the fans need therapy

Now let's go back to Nicholas' main tweet in reply to that queer user. You can see how people from his following reacted:

And this was his answer:

You can see that he immediately decides to call the user weird because the characters are "little kids", so the user needs to seek therapy for looking at fanarts of bakudeku kissing.

Except that this is when bakudeku fans and non bakudeku fans found his old tweets in defense of lolicon, fictional pedophilia and people like Mushoku:

Now, the point here is the hypocrisy and double standard.

On one side "loli and fictional children are fictional and cannot be associated with actual crimes", on the other side "gay teenagers being shipped are disgusting and comparable to real life crimes". People were quick to point this homophobic messy double standard.

Nicholas Light himself started to notice that people were finding out his old stuff and he was replying to no one. He first deleted the tweet with the only fans retweet, probably making sure his current homophobic fanbase would not find that, and then replied this to one of the bakudeku fans showing his hypocritical behaviour:

This was the last tweet before he deleted everything. Calling someone an ableist slur, then saying he was watching movies with his girlfriend and then spending the next hour deleting

every

single

and tweet.

And then he went private and when he came back... he had deleted every single reply and tweet of this mess, and he had deleted every tweet that people had screenshotted around, and every tweet he posted in the previous month:

He scrubbed his whole account.

We are not sure what happened to him "being unapologetically myself", apparently his strategy to make some cash from being homophobic and harassing small acounts while pretending to be cancelled did not succeed.

And the reason why I wrote this post is because there is the possibility that he might try this again in the future, maybe even with the same fanbase and strategy. So keep an eye out, do not let him fool you.

#nicholas light #bkdk fandom #fandom drama #meta #bkdk

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elisysd · 3 days

Text

13. Don't know who I would be if you ever leave me

Masterlist - Previously - Next

Chapter soundtrack: If You Leave Me - Niall Horan

Hungary flew by in a blink of an eye. The whole weekend was a blur but the only thing Charles could think about and hold onto was how hard it was to hide how in love and happy he felt. He couldn’t try to justify it by saying the car and the season were getting better, even if it was true, it was not a good enough reason to look like he was walking on clouds and smiling like a mad man. He had barely seen you, apart from the media pen when lingering touches were tough to keep subtle and light. He was leaving the post race meeting, eager to come back to his hotel and spend time with you, when Silvia cornered him in a narrow corridor of the hospitality.

“Charles? A word, please.” the tight smile on her lips made him gulp in an uncomfortable manner. “I wanted to talk to you about… your image.”

“My image? What is wrong with it?”

“The sponsors are getting tired of your bachelor status. They want someone next to you to help promote the brands.”

Charles rolled his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Not this conversation again, he was getting tired of it.

“Listen Charles, I’ve been in contact with a few model agencies. I ask them to provide me with a list of girls who would be a good fit. Then, I narrowed it down to a few names I think would suit your persona and…”

“And nothing, Silvia.” he cut her mid sentence, anger painted all over his face. “I won’t date anyone. Not tomorrow, not ever.”

“Charles, please consider it.”

“No! I’m seeing someone, okay! And I love her very much. I would appreciate it if you back off and leave me alone.”

“But… it’s perfect then! Why haven't you said it earlier? You should bring her along, the sponsors would be delighted.”

“No, I won’t.” He avoided her gaze, hoping she would drop it down, and leave him alone. He wanted to come back to you as soon as possible and an improvised meeting with Silvia was not on his to-do list.

“What are you hiding, Charles?” her eyes narrowed until they looked like viper's eyes.

“Nothing.”

“If it can cause a huge scandal, I need to know so I can prepare your defense.”

“I need to talk to her before, Silvia. Please respect that. I won’t tell you anything that can make her uncomfortable.”

He could see how annoyed it was making Silvia but he didn’t care, for the first time in his life, he wanted to prioritize his personal life over his Ferrari’s duties, whether Silvia liked it or not.

That’s how he came back pissed off from the track. He wanted nothing more but to see this car being burned at the end of the season and his conversation with Silvia hadn’t brightened his mood. But when he opened the door of his hotel room and saw your suitcase right next to his, it made him smile. A wave of comfort washed over him when he noticed you sitting down at the desk, writing on your notebook, your hair acting as a curtain framing your face. He slowly approached you, putting both hands on your shoulders and kissed the top of your head. You looked up and smiled before closing your notebook. You stood up and went for a hug before feeling how tense he was, making you frown.

“The meeting didn’t go as planned, I suppose?” you asked, massaging his shoulders, hoping to relieve the tension.

“It’s not that…I met Silvia on my way out.”

Then, he told you everything and it was your turn to flinch and tense. You turned away and looked through the window, lost in thoughts.

“I won’t say anything until you tell me I can. I promise.”

“I know… I’m sorry to put you in this situation. I asked for a meeting with my boss but it won’t be before a few weeks. I really hoped to get done with it before the summer break so I could enjoy it in peace and not stress over it.”

“Speaking of summer break… I was hoping you would agree to join me.” he took her hands in his, pulling her against his chest.

“I would love to, you know I do. But we can’t risk being seen together until I solve the situation at work.”

“I know, but please, consider it before saying no. I can make the arrangements to make sure we won’t be bothered, that no paparazzi will be in sight. I can protect you, you just have to say the word. Imagine that, us, in the middle of the ocean, on my yacht, with no one to bother us. How does it sound?”

“Dreamy. You make it hard for me to say no.”

“That’s the goal.” he grinned.

“I need a little time to think about it, okay?”

He nodded and kissed your forehead.

“That's all I'm asking from you. Whatever you decide, I won’t get mad.”

Soon, Spa arrived and with it the last race before the summer break. You were a bundle of nerves like rarely you’ve been. You were exhausted and waiting for the holidays like a thirsty man finding an oasis after days of walking in the desert. But you had to stay focused, today was a big day. You were expected in Mercedes' hospitality to interview the one and only Lewis Hamilton. You like dot think you were now experienced enough to do a good job with it but still, you had a huge amount of respect for Lewis. For both his off tracks and on tracks activities. And even if you had interviewed him in the past in the media pen, it was not the same. There was a difference between two questions after a race and a long interview of thirty minutes, in a chill environment. You had spent the night working on it under the light of your phone, trying to not wake up Charles. You wanted, no you needed, this interview to go perfectly because if it was then it would come handy if things were turning sour with your boss. You could use this as a proof that it wasn’t affecting your job in any way, that you were still a perfect fit. At least you hoped so.

You arrived in the early morning, ready and determined to do your best job ever. You were welcomed by a coffee, not as good as the one served in the Ferrari’s hospitality you noticed, and went through the back where two comfy looking gray armchairs were displayed. The lady told you that Lewis would arrive soon and you sat down, going through your notes until you saw him from the corner of your eyes. He smiled gently at you as you shook his hand and took place in the armchair in front of you.

“Lewis, thank you for accepting this interview with us, I know how busy you are so let’s get right into it. Lewis, today I don’t want to talk about Lewis Hamilton the world champion. If you don’t mind, I would rather talk about Lewis Carl Davidson Hamiton. Can you describe what kind of kid you were at school and at home?”

His eyes were lightened by a playful glow and he smiled before taking his time to answer.

“Do you know the show Dennis the Menace? Well, it was me. Dennis the Menace 2.0.” he laughed. “I was climbing trees, I was just always riding my bike down the fastest hills… I was naturally super competitive in everything that I did and my dad helped me concentrate that energy into racing. That's where my stability came from.”

You kept talking about many things, from his passion for Ayrton Senna to his travels and how hard it was to maintain friendships and how he was managing the fact that his words had an impact on people. At the end of the interview, you felt like you had managed to bring to light a new side of who Lewis Hamilton was and you were very proud of it.

When it was over you made your way out only to come across a well known figure. You smiled wide recognising Mick and didn’t think twice before hugging him.

“Hey, long time no see!” you greeted him.

“Yeah! I see you from afar from time to time but you’re alway so busy I don’t want to bother you by coming to see you.”

“Nonsense! Feel free to bother me any time. You’re my friend.”

You stayed chatting for a few minutes, laughing and promising to stay in touch when you felt a shadow behind your back and Mick’s smile dropping instantly. You looked back and saw Charles, a dark look on his face, visibly angry.

“All is good, here? Am I interrupting something? I don’t think flirting with the media is allowed, Mick.” he spitted, making you blush with embarrassment as Mick was stuttering.

“I… We don’t… I was just…”

“Don’t you have a Mercedes to check? it’s not like it was very competitive, not sure you're making a great job at the factory. You should focus more on that instead of sweet talking girls who are clearly trying to do their job right.”

You felt your heart ache for Mick who looked at his feet before giving you a tight smile. Saying that you were mortified was un understatement and you were starting to feel angry. You clenched your fists in order to calm down as you felt Charles getting closer to you.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“I don’t know, you tell me!” Charles replied harshly before disappearing.

Mick noticed your reactions and it didn’t take long before he put two and two together.

“Is there something going on between you guys?”

“It’s complicated..” You looked over your shoulder to see Charles walking fast.

“It’s fine. Go after him.”

He didn’t need to tell you twice as you rushed to his garage. You were about to call for him, when he noticed you and decided to go in the opposite direction, in a place where you had no access. You swore under your breath, not understanding where all of this was coming from and how childish he was acting. Your day had started so well but now, you were pissed off. And he was the only one to blame.

When you came back to your hotel after a tiring day, you expected to be alone and you were looking forward to it. So, when you opened the door and found Charles sitting on the bed, absent-mindedly scrolling on his phone, you were taken aback. You were not prepared to talk to him. You proceeded to ignore him as you put your things on the sofa and locked yourself in the bathroom. You changed into comfier clothes and removed your make-up, taking more time than needed. But when you finally found yourself with no reasons left to stay locked in, you took a deep breath and opened the door to see Charles right in front of you. You sighed, not ready to talk to him and went to the bed, where he followed you.

“I don’t want to talk to you.” you stated.

“Y/N, please…”

“No. The way you acted with Mick? How embarrassed I felt? No, scratch that, humiliated you made me feel… that was uncalled for. And highly unprofessional.”

“As if we had a professional relationship.” he shrugged, making you snap.

“We do! When I’m out there, running around, my press access badge around my neck, I'm doing my job! Maybe I was talking to Mick for a future report or I was trying to gather some information from him.”

“You were laughing with him! And hugging him!”

“Mick is my friend! I shouldn’t even have to explain myself. Today was Mick, but what if tomorrow I'm talking and laughing with Lando or a mechanic from Aston Martin? Will you act the same way? You could have messed up something big for me acting like that! I just need you to understand it. My point is, when I have my badge on, you talk to me accordingly and you act around me accordingly. Just like I do when I’m interviewing you. I’m not your girlfriend in these situations.” you explained, eyes glued on him, hoping he would understand how angry you were.

“Don’t you think that maybe, just maybe, I snapped because I love you and it is harder and harder to pretend otherwise? I’m tired of hiding and I know I said I was okay with it at first, but not anymore.”

“Charles, I just need a few more weeks… soon it will be over.” you sighed. “The situation is not funny for me either…”

“I’m just wondering if you really want us to be official. If your boss isn’t just an excuse to avoid committing to us fully. I’m scared, okay. Scared you’ll find another excuse when the job one will be out of the equation.”

You gulped, clearly hurt before nodding, bitter.

“If you really think that low of me, I wonder why we are together.” You went to your suitcase and closed it before going through the door, Charles not even trying to hold you back. “I’m staying with Marion tonight, don’t bother waiting for me tomorrow.”

Charles stood still, looking at the now closed door and feeling guilty about the way he had treated you. It was unfair to accuse you of not being one hundred percent committed to making this relationship work. You had never given him a reason to doubt you. He knew he had screwed up, he knew he was an idiot, he knew you had every reason to get mad at him. He let himself fall on the bed and screamed in your pillow which was still smelling like you. He also had to apologize to Mick, it was stupid to act this way around him.

His thoughts drifted back to you. What if you really meant that it was pointless to stay together? He didn’t want that. You were the love of his life, there was not an ounce of doubt in his mind that he wouldn’t end up getting married to you. He knew it. He couldn’t explain it, but he knew. He sighed and did what he was always doing in case of doubts. He called the only person in this world that always knew how to calm him down and how to figure things out.

“Charles? What a pleasant surprise. I wasn’t expecting you, it’s late.”

“Yeah… I know, it’s just… I needed to talk to you.”

“It seems important.”

“I’m in love, mom.”

There was a silence on the other end of the line, before she spoke again.

“I had my suspicions. You don’t come very often anymore and you were barely in Monaco for the last few months. I didn’t want to ask because I know how careful you are with introducing girlfriends to me.”

“She is a reporter.It makes everything harder… she has to announce it to her boss and then I will have to announce it to Silvia. She is not leaving me alone, she absolutely wants me to find a girlfriend. And when it is all done, I will make our relationship public but then, people will talk, people will probably hate on her and what if she freaks out and decides to leave? I wish sometimes I was more… normal, then it would be so complicated.”

He proceeded to tell the story of how he met you up to the fight. Not once had his mom interrupted him and when he was finally done, he felt lighter.

“I love her mom. More than I’ve ever loved anyone. And I just screwed up in a brilliant way.”

“You did, there is no point denying it. But there is nothing a good conversation and a good apology won’t fix, Charles. I can hear how much you love her and I don’t know her yet, but I’m sure she loves you too. It must be a tough situation for her to handle, try to put yourself in her shoes.”

“I know… I just want her to be happy with me.”

“Start with showing her that you’re sorry. It’s a good first step.”

The next day, he went to search for you in the paddock between the two sessions of Free Practices but you were nowhere to be found. Instead, he ended up running into Marion as she was walking out of the broadcast cabins.

“Hey, Marion! Have you seen Y/N? I’m searching for her…”

“Oh? She hasn’t told you? She requested to work in the F2 paddock this weekend. I thought you knew.”

“Well… clearly not.” he sighed, annoyed. “ He perfectly knew why you had asked for it. You didn’t want to see him.

Coming back to his room at the end of the day felt weird. Not seeing your suitcase next to his felt weird. Not feeling the heat of your body in the bed felt weird. He tossed and turned in his bed until he couldn’t anymore and got up. He couldn’t keep going like this, he needed to see you. It didn’t take long to find in which room you had been transferred and he was glad for a moment you decided to not change your hotel. He smiled when the lady at the desk told him the number. It was three doors next to his. Maybe you weren’t that angry if you had accepted to stay near him. He knocked and heard some sniffles in the room before seeing the door opening, revealing yourself in one of his sweaters he hadn’t noticed was missing, eyes puffy and red stained cheeks.

He didn’t think twice about it and took you in his arms and soothed your hair.

“I’m sorry.” you mumbled in his chest. “I shouldn’t have left… I shouldn’t have told you that we should break up… it was childish… ”

“Stop. I’m the one who is sorry for having overreacted.”

“I don't want to break up. Not today and not ever. It’s hard for me too, you know, to hide. You’re not the only one having a hard time dealing with it and I’m sorry I should’ve said it sooner…”

“I promise you we will find a way and I promise you I won’t act like a dickhead when you’re doing your job. I don’t want to complicate it for you.” he put his forehead against yours.

“I’m gladly taking the complicated and messed up situation if it involves you, Charles. I’m fine facing any obstacles as long as you are by my side. I’m in. And it hurts when you say that I’m not.”

“I didn’t mean it, I promise. So we’re good?”

“We’re good.” you nodded as you pulled him into your room.

Author's note: I couldn't leave you without any drama for too long, right? That would be boring otherwise...

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