#To say nothing of the fact some re just not well written

[bluewithpurplepolkadots]

I think the weirdest fandom criticism I keep seeing is the insistence that distaste for certain redemption arcs is solely based on Christian based ideas of purity and suffering and like while a part of me gets this idea, I’m kind of like… the religion that focuses on and is literally famous for forgiveness?

You don’t think those defending often criticised redemption arcs, don’t have any potentially similar blind spots which can show in really ugly ways? That they are somehow immune from such influences?

Christian forgiveness, sometimes takes it too far and can push it to the detriment of victims in their communities and beyond. Especially when the abuser is more powerful in some way in their community. (And let’s be real: abusers by definition always have more power in some way, it’s when they get up the nose of someone with more power than them or those people give a shit /enough people group together against it that sparks can fly).

While I have experienced the anxiety from ‘all sins being equal’ and the resulting guilt: it also has very famously gone the other way and had people downplaying really horrific stuff. To dismiss those hurt. For after all: ‘we’re all sinners’.

Rather like in some of these botched redemption arc stories where the villain and hero almost always have to be bosom buddies: it can have communities make the victim have to interact with the one who hurt them instead of being allowed to at least peace out without losing everything they have ever known. That this will allow access to future and past victims because forgiving means forgetting to them. (Or at least pretending to). Because having a missing stair for new members or those unaware is apparently also fine?

But only being for punitive and worthless punishment can have Christian roots? The reverse extreme doesn’t have this issue? Nah mate.

Like maybe it’s more that almost any major religion or philosophy has its good sides or even ideas you can understand the root/benefit of: but almost nothing is above being exploited or abused by those in power. There’s nothing immune from corruption.

Personal interpretations can go to bizarre lengths. Leaving interpretations up to others to do it for you has its own obvious issues. It’s life and it’s messy just in general. Even trying to find a middle ground between the two methods and discussion can be hard. And you are going to fuck up sometimes. There’s no easy trickty trick trick or perfect level you can keep to forever for perfect results every single time you have to make a decision. You can fail by refusing to make one too.

Christianity has major political and social powers itself in a wider society to the point it’s shaped it for centuries, even affecting non-believers internally in ways they don’t think about.

The perfect religion or philosophy does not exist. It never will. All you can do is the best you can and keep trying. And even then like I said: you’re going to fuck up.

A redemption arc isn’t always good or a good idea just because you projected onto/lusted after the character getting or not getting it. It isn’t always bad it happened because you can’t personally relate or like the character either.

[ki-yomii]

➥ pairing | jeon jungkook x f!reader ➥ word count | 4.4k ➥ warning(s) | 🔞 smut; fwb, angst w/ a happy ending, teasing, finger fucking, squirting, praise kink, frottage, dirty talk, pet names, commitment issues, jealous!jk, possessive!jk, dom!jk, idiots in love, misunderstandings ➥ summary | after being stood up one too many times, you realize you're in love with jungkook. and that just won't do. ➥ notes | istg i've re-written this more times than i care to count 💀 enjoy!

🖤 masterlist | inbox | AO3 🖤

cnt make it 2nite

The text is blunt - biting. No explanation offered, and certainly no false platitudes found in the lifeless string of black letters. Rather simple and straight to the point.

As you should have expected from Jungkook. He wasn’t known for his verbosity, and even less so for his love of texting.

But as you chew the fat of your cheek, reading it over and over again in an attempt to glean some hidden meaning that isn’t there, you admit to yourself - at least privately - there’s no more avoiding the truth.

One that’s been hovering over your shoulder for weeks like a shroud; an unwelcome guest you can’t ignore anymore: Jungkook’s been avoiding you.

It shouldn’t be surprising.

Moreover, it shouldn’t hurt.

There shouldn’t be an ache in your chest every time you see his contact or the plummet of your stomach when that inevitable excuse comes through.

In the end, he owes you nothing. The arrangement between you is casual, just a little fun between good friends.

It still fucking sucks though, you think, sucking your teeth.

Night thoroughly ruined before it’s begun, it’s only a matter of deciding how to respond now. In the past you’ve used a plethora of options, but you’re stumped. Unsure how to correlate the level of hurt to the nature of your not-relationship.

Should you be petty, passive-aggressive, indifferent - or worst of all: honest?

Hah, no way. I’d rather die.

Beside you, the bartender politely averts his gaze and busies himself with polishing a stack of pint glasses. It’s a slow night, and that’s saying something as this bar’s a little hole in the wall.

It’s never overly busy, which is one of the reason’s it’s a favorite meeting spot of yours. The floors might be sticky, but the music’s decent, the strobe lights they kick on after 10 PM aren’t offensive enough to induce a migraine, and the drinks are cheap with a heavy pour.

Watching him work is impressive - and almost distracting enough for you to ignore the needle sharp ache taking root beneath your ribs, the churn of your stomach.

Humiliation burns hot, creeps up your neck to settle into the apples of your cheeks as you’re stood up.

Again.

It isn’t the first time - it won’t be the last.

But it cuts deeper than all the rest combined, harder to shake off. You can’t lie to yourself anymore. The growing distance between you throbs like an open wound, as if Jungkook himself plunged a hand into your chest.

Scooped out any tender, soft thing he could find and left you hollowed out. Drained.

Not taking his flakiness personally used to be so easy. And now… well.

Goddamnit. A palm scrubs over your decolletage roughly to soothe the throb of your heart. What the hell did you expect to happen, getting involved with Jeon Jungkook, huh?

Everything from his stupidly pretty eyes to the dangerous curl of his mouth, the thick soles of his boots to the lapels of his leather jacket scream walking red flag.

Never mind the fact his proclivities are an open secret among the group. He’s never tried to hide his distaste for commitment. Finds it too monotonous. Predictable.

An eternally free soul much preferring to flit from one experience to the next, never shackled down for long. The Icarus of myth made flesh.

He runs through women like he runs through shoes, and you witnessed enough of the ensuing heartbreak and tears to be wary.

But knowing and feeling something are two very different things.

The dichotomy throws you off-kilter and finds you abandoned in a bar, once again, to choke on a regret so bitter you swear it’ll burn a hole through your throat.

What’s going on with me, you think, this is nothing new. He does this all the time.

You used to get on so well.

Any initial misgivings faded away in the face of Jungkook’s blinding attention, his unfaltering kindness lurking just beneath that surface of grit and gravel.

Even after you fuck, he never acts any differently, as casual between the sheets as he is lounging on your couch.

It's been great, it's been enough - until now.

Just the thought of going back to your empty apartment, alone, only to wake up and fall back into Jungkook’s orbit tomorrow when he swings by with a half-assed apology on his lips, and your favorite drink in hand is enough to make your skin crawl.

Stomach twisting itself into knots, everything in you rebels against the sudden cold realization: nothing will change - least of all Jungkook.

He’ll continue to take-take-take.

You'll continue to give-give-give.

On and on you'll go; a distant star orbiting a black hole, losing little bits of itself until there's nothing left.

Then he’ll leave your life as quickly as he entered it, a blurry after-image there and gone in the blink of an eye.

Fuck, I - I can’t do this anymore, you think, a shiver rattling down your spine, Because I…

An errant thought gains teeth, sinks them deep. Refuses to budge as an awful truth - one buried so deep you forgot it was there, ever lurking in the shadows - rises to the forefront of your mind.

And then --

Oh.

It’s because I love him - because I’m in love with him.

Suddenly it hurts to breathe, your lungs burning as you drown on the air itself. The steel band cinching around your ribs threatens to crack you open.

Your heart lurches in your chest, despair following swiftly to settle over your shoulders. Moreover, there is no one to blame except yourself.

Even if you want it to, it will never work out because loving Jungkook is to love the ghost of a long-forgotten memory.

And there are too many hurts to soothe, too many disappointments to name.

I can’t believe I actually -- shit. You swipe a shaky hand over your forehead. When you swallow, a sour taste clings to the back of your tongue. Should’ve known better.

You glance at your phone, the cursor blinking back at you mockingly. Should’ve done a lot of things, I guess.

Now, you're in too deep.

Waiting without ever realizing you began to do so in the first place; a life on pause, surviving off scraps of half-measures and maybe's, what-ifs, and if only's.

Now, it's clear the only way out is through.

The time to let go is here.

You need to muster up some semblance of self, and work to untangle the threads of connection binding you together. You need space to rediscover the pieces of your heart you left with him.

How to live without the taste of his kiss, the clench of his muscles, the thrust of his cock.

A new life sans Jungkook which begins with a simple reply in place of everything you really want to say: ok.

Then you wave the bartender over.

He does you a kindness once more, pretending not to notice the tears brimming along your lower lash line. “You ready to order?” he asks.

“Uh, yeah - sorry, I was…”

His mouth twitches. You waver.

Then the screen of your phone lights up with a notification.

Refusing to look lest you cave, emotions too fresh -  scraped raw and tender, you switch on DND and turn it face down where it will remain until you go home.

You're far too fragile (and sober) to think about reading Jungkook’s reply, let alone engage with him in any meaningful way.

“I’ll take a double vodka cranberry.”

Maybe if you get drunk enough, you'll forget about the home he carved in your bones.

Bottoms up, bitch.

w8 nvm guys cnt make it

y/n?

i cn b ovr in 10

???

gn ttyt

hey, sorry. called it early.

wyd?

nothing much. you?

nm running some mtchs

cool, cool. you able to swing by today?

yeh b there in 30 :)

In hindsight, trying to have this conversation with Jungkook face to face isn’t the brightest idea. But if anything, last night showed you every choice you’ve made lately is a disaster waiting to happen.

Your life’s already a mess - and you’re hopelessly in love with a man that’ll never love you back - so what’s another mistake added to a long string of misfortune.

So what if your hands tremble and your stomach churns as you unlock the door to let him in.

So what if he leans in for a kiss and you duck to the side, his lips brushing the slope of your cheek.

So what if he pauses and gives you a long, searching look before toeing off his shoes and offering you the drink he picked up on the way.

It can’t get any worse, right?

Only the hungry, molten mixture of rage and rebellion fueling you thus far fizzles away the minute you see him head towards your bedroom with a wink.

Anguish and despair follows in its wake, nipping at your heels.

This is all you’ll ever be to him, you remind yourself as you step into the room. A fun time. Nothing serious. You have to break it off.

You shoot him a tight smile. “Did you have a good night?”

Jungkook shrugs, glancing around at the decorations littering your dresser. “Nah, not really.” His gaze slides to you, traveling from your head to your bare toes in a slow once over. “I definitely would’ve had a better time with you.”

Swallowing roughly, you rub your hands over your arms and suddenly feel far too naked - exposed in your light summer dress. “Hah,” you intone without humor, awkward and stilted. “Probably not. I was out by 11:30.”

“Mm, that’s not like you.” Jungkook hums, moving forward until he’s right in front of you. His hands reach for you, grabbing your wrists gently. His thumb strokes over your pulse point. “You’re acting weird. Is there something you want to talk about, baby?”

Of course he’d notice.

It would be annoying if it wasn’t so endearing. Jungkook always pays attention to the details, makes leaps of logic based on little more than quiet observations.

You stitch together a chuckle. “Nothing gets past you, huh?”

His eyes crinkle at the corners as he grins, his lip ring dimpling the swell of his bottom lip. Your chests brush with every inhale, sharing space and breath. 

“Nothing,” he agrees.

It’s torture. It’s too intimate.

The glow of your overhead lamp highlights the sweep of his cheekbones, the curl of his lashes as he blinks slow and happy. The barely there impression of his body is too much.

You shrink back, clearing your throat.

“No, don’t do that. Where are you going?”

His eyes, shimmering with warmth, plead with you to stay, his shoulders curving towards you. A large palm settles over your shoulder, sparks igniting wherever he touches.

“Stop hiding. You can talk to me about anything. Come on, I want to know what’s going on in that pretty head of yours.”

Steeling your resolve, you inhale and exhale with a shudder. His expression is open, soft. You know it won’t last, and take a few seconds to commit how he looks in this moment to memory.

For all you know, this will be one of the last times you’ll be this close to him again. At least until you can beat your feelings into submission.

And then you can’t put it off anymore, unable to take the ginger strokes of his fingers. The calming caresses as if he thinks you’re something precious. Quick like ripping off a band-aid, otherwise the words will never get past the bend of your throat.

“I want to stop.”

You catch the way his eyes darken, sharpen in the dim overhead light. He knows exactly what you’re talking about, but his half-smile never falters.

Of course, he refuses to make this easy on you. To acknowledge this is happening. He’s always been a greedy man; wants what he can’t have, and destroys what he does.

“Stop what?” Jungkook says. “You’re gonna have to be more specific than that, baby.”

“Kook,” you sigh, rubbing the bridge of your nose. “You know what I mean. I just - I can’t do,” your voice cracks, a hand motioning to the space between you, “this anymore.”

A vein throbs on the side of his neck, his jaw working in response. Muscles tense and release with every grit of his teeth. He asks, “You gonna tell me why, huh? Or are you just going to ditch me and act like it didn’t mean something?”

“Kook…”

There’s a certain grief that can’t be spoken, gnarled roots burrowing deep in your chest. A sense of loss so keenly felt it almost steals your breath.

You wish this wasn’t happening, you wish you could take it all back but this pantomime of a relationship isn’t fair to you. Not anymore. And you knew this conversation wouldn’t be fun, but Jungkook’s staunch denial still manages to surprise you.

“It didn’t mean anything though,” you say.

At least, not to you, you think. To me, it meant the world.

-- And that’s the problem.

You need to stop whatever this is between you from building. He’s already shown he doesn’t share your desire for more in a multitude of ways. He’s been avoiding you for a reason, whether he was consciously aware of your feelings or not.

Undoubtedly, you trust him with your life but not your heart.

As sweet as he is, has been, he won’t treat it gently. Not through any intentional ill-will but because he can’t contain his own commitment issues let alone make room for yours.

It’s better this way.

Let what you have - had - stay a memory unmarred by the ugliness of your hurt feelings and bitter disappointments.

Jungkook’s shoulders draw up towards his ears, his gaze glacial as his hands slide away from you. “Is there a reason you’re done with me now?”

Shadows lurk in the depths of his eyes, his lips curled into a cruel smirk. Everything about him looks weighted down.

“Well, is there? I mean, shit, I think I’ve earned an answer after all the time we spent together.”

Your heart breaks for him, everything in you calling out to close the gap and offer him comfort. But you can’t. You don’t trust yourself to touch him without wanting more than your heart can bear.

“I’m not done with you,” you say. “I would never do that to you, Kook. I just - I can’t be with you like that anymore, that’s all. I need space but I’ll still be around, I promise.”

The glare he shoots your way freezes the blood in your veins. “Cut the bullshit,” he snarls. “Tell.me.why.”

You avert your gaze, arms wrapping around your chest. “Why does that - I -”

You only had one rule at the very beginning of this mess: if there’s someone you’re serious about, you stop fucking. It comes as a handy lie - a believable excuse that’ll stop any further questioning.

You don’t think you have the fortitude if Jungkook keeps pressing you, cracking under the weight of your grief and the anger in his eyes like fine china.

“I think I - I think I want to start looking for a boyfriend again.”

An expression flashes across his face, there and gone in the blink of an eye. But there’s no doubt he recognizes it for the goodbye it’s supposed to be.

This is it, you think.

You can put what you had to rest and move on, a memory on a shelf you’ll dust off years down the line when the hurt isn’t so prevalent. And hopefully, with time, you can relearn how to be friends.

Though the strange gleam to his eyes sends a prickle of apprehension down your spine, and then you find yourself being manhandled as he snaps forward like a snake coiled to strike.

Air flees your lungs as Jungkook shoves you with a firm palm, your feet stumbling over themselves as you trip backwards into your bed frame.

Wood knocks into the backs of your knees, and you fold like a stack of cards. The sheets puff out around you, the scent of your laundry detergent tickling your nose.

You blink at the textured ceiling, mouth agape as you try to process what happened.

The empty space above you doesn’t stay vacant, Jungkook quickly crowding you into the mattress with his weight as he settles over top of your body.

He molds himself to your front, his firm hips slotting themselves between your thighs. Broad palms, warm and calloused, skim your sides and ruck up the skirt of your dress as he reaches under you to grip the soft globes of your ass.

He yanks you into him, your pelvises slotting together. You whine before you can stop yourself, eyes fluttering shut at the heat of his body.

Teeth scrape along the delicate skin of your neck, the sharp pricks of pleasure-pain coaxing a shiver down your spine.

Lips brush the shell of your ear, his minty breath puffing against the side of your face as he speaks, low and husky, “So that’s it, huh?”

“What--!”

Teeth nip your earlobe, and you wince.

“My girl thinks she’s going to leave me for someone else?” Jungkook snorts. “Like I’d ever let that fucking happen.”

“I’m not your girl.”

You squirm, a bolt of awareness slicing through you as your body responds to his proximity, the weight of him over you electrifying. Liquid desire blooms behind your navel, uncomfortable and unwelcome.

“I never was.”

Blunt nails dig into the fat of your ass, and a cruel mouth latches onto the corner of your jaw. “Ah, is that right?” Jungkook asks, the rumble of his voice vibrating through your torso, your nipples tightening as they drag over the plains of his chest. “You’re not my girl?”

You swallow, and ignore the throb of your clit as the line of his cock ruts into you. “I’m not your girl, Jungkook.”

“If you’re not my girl,” he grinds into the cradle of your hips, teasing - taunting, “then why the fuck are you so wet?”

Keening, you twitch, involuntarily rocking up into the firm pressure of his shaft. The angle’s just right, spreading your folds beneath the thin cotton of your panties and giving your neglected clit the perfect stimulation.

Exposing your soaked core to the chill of your room as your body warms with mortification.

Jungkook hums in approval, giving the side of your neck a sloppy kiss followed by a stinging nip. “You think some nobody can fuck you better than me?”

“That’s not what I - ffuck!”

Heat pools low in your belly, blood pumping fast. You’re steadily losing control, the aborted rolls of your hips increasing in frequency.

“Answer me.”

A sharp burst of copper floods your mouth, your skin splitting open with how hard you’re chewing on it. Blood clings to the swell of your bottom lip, a ruby red bead you lick away with a nervous tongue.

Sweat dappled your brow, and it’s getting harder and harder to ignore the molten desire curdling your stomach.

The softness of your body knows the hardness of his, every curve has a matching divot. The heady, pleasant scent of his cologne floods your lungs with every stuttered inhale.

Your senses are overwhelmed as he surrounds you.

“Shit, Kook, please,” you plead, hands tangling in the sheets by your head.

You’re not sure what you’re asking for but at the same time, you’re not sure how you ended up here. Again.

“I don’t know what you want from me.”

This was supposed to be an amenable end to a dubious affair. It’s anything but.

“I want you to tell me who your cunt belongs to.”

Fingers inch down to tease along the soft flesh of your inner thighs, and play with the elastic of your panties.

You tremble, gooseflesh dimpling the exposed skin of your arms as knuckles brush over the length of your soaked pussy.

Your clit pulses, the pressure enough to tease.

“Come on, baby,” Jungkook coaxes, working his way beneath the fabric clinging to your core, “tell me you’re my girl.”

His cock nestles into the crook of your hip, hot and heavy through his jeans as a darkened patch blooms across the denim crotch. The sticky wetness of his pre-cum smearing into your skin as arousal swells, crashing over you.

Leaving you a whimpering, trembling mess in the cage of his arms.

“You just have to say it - say you’re my girl and I’ll be so, so good to you.” His breath warms the shell of your ear. “All you have to do is say it, and I’ll make you cum so hard you see stars.”

Jungkook doesn’t give you a chance to cobble together a response, sliding a thick finger through your sticky folds and into your needy pussy just as your lips part.

All words leave you, your mind wiped clean as a low, broken cry echoes out into the room. Swallowed up by the sounds of city life outside your apartment as he works to stretch you open.

You clamp down at the sudden fullness, walls tight and fluttering around his finger like they would be around his cock.

“Fuck, baby,” he groans. “You always feel so soft and wet.”

Whining in agreement, you give up any pretense of resistance, letting primal desire chase away the despair, the guilt that threatens to choke you. Wiping your mind clean of any thoughts until the only thing that remains is the thrust of his fingers and the ache in your cunt.

Your hands slip, scrambling for purchase with sweaty palms. “J-Jungkook!”

Your knees tremble where they dig into his sides, air rushing from you in heavy pants as the space between your bodies heats up. You know you won’t last long, already hanging on the edge.

Never in a million years did you expect to be so turned on by Jungkook’s rough behavior. He usually treats you like something delicate.

Though he holds no such compunction now, raw in his desperate desire to make you cum.

Jungkook peppers kisses onto whatever skin he can reach, spreading your thighs wider with his torso. His knuckles strain against the fabric of your panties, stretching out the cotton and ruining them forevermore as he slips another finger into you.

Then his dark head bows, catching your gaze, and he says, “Hold on.”

Barely seconds after you anchor yourself to his shoulders, he starts finger fucking you to within an inch of your life. His forearm ripples with strength, the movements of his fingers pressing and rubbing against all the right spots. Curling up to massage at your g-spot until you’re shaking beneath him with hitched breaths.

“Shit, shit,” you gasp, eyes rolling back as your toes flex against his side, “Kook, baby, please don’t stop.”

He huffs a laugh, dark and amused. “Wouldn’t ever do that to you, baby.”

“S’good - I - I’m close.”

You sob, tears brimming along your lash line. The sloppy sounds of him fucking your pussy ring in your ears, as embarrassing as it is arousing. He’s making you gush, slick wetting your inner thighs, dribbling down your ass to stain the sheets.

“So close, gonna - hnnng - gonna cum.”

“Yeah, that’s it. Just like that, baby. Give me that squirt.”

You shake your head. “I can’t - I can’t!”

If you could, you’d suspend time so this moment never ends. The finality of your arrangement hovering just on the other side of pleasure.

In the back of your mind, you know Jungkook’s only behaving this way because he’s jealous. Angry. He doesn’t mean it, and this is a mistake.

It’ll only hurt you in the long run but you’ll take what you can get.

After all, this is the last time you’ll be together like this.

“No,” he shushes, dropping a kiss to your sweaty brow, “No, don’t lie. I know you can. I’ll make you.”

There’s no escape.

He refuses to let you escape, using his weight to keep you pinned as he spreads his fingers open inside you, twisting and fucking so deep you feel a twinge behind your navel.

And then you’re right there, crashing over the edge as the bubble of pleasure bursts, crackling through your limbs.

You cum harder than you ever have before. Nails sinking into his shoulders with a hiss as a wounded, broken wail scrapes its way out of your throat.

Your pussy throbs, gummy walls sucking him deeper as a rush of cum gushes from you in spurts. Your ears ring with white noise, and you’re vaguely aware of the fact your hands have gone numb.

For several long moments, you float with a head full of cotton, only rejoining the atmosphere when warmth dribbles down your ass in sticky rivulets of squirt.

Jungkook’s arm is curled around your waist, holding you close as his nose nuzzles into the side of your head. Tender lips dust kisses over your crown. His cock is still a heavy weight digging into your hip but he doesn’t seem to be in any rush to relieve himself.

“Jungkook,” you sigh, a wave of fatigue crashing over you. Your eyes sting when you close them, a lump building in your throat. You ache all over pleasantly, satisfaction settling deep into your bones. In spite of that, a rift opens in your heart. “Jungkook, I--”

He kisses your shoulder, shushing you. “Don’t ruin it. Just let me hold you for a little while longer… please.”

The tears are almost impossible to stop. “It’s already hard enough, don’t make me -- I can’t just…”

Jungkook squeezes you gently. “I love you,” he says, “but I swear to god you can be so stupid sometimes.”

You jolt, eyes swinging up to meet his, wide and disbelieving. “What did you just  - I - I  don’t. ..Jungkook?”

“How could I not feel the same?” he asks, tone resigned and wary. “Honestly scared the shit out of me when I realized because, well, y’know I don’t have the best track record.” He averts his gaze, a sheepish smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I almost fucked everything up too, but Namjoonie-hyung helped me get my head on straight.”

Something unfurls in your chest, and you feel as light as air. Ridiculously buoyant with happiness. Hope.

Oh, how stupid.

“We’re kind of idiots, aren’t we?” you ask, sniffling as you shoot him a watery smile. “Like… the biggest.”

Jungkook hums in agreement, a boyish gleam to his eyes. “I mean, you said it. Not me.”

[dudeitiskarev]

My One and Only

Paring: Aaron Hotchner x female reader

Summary: It's Derek and Savannah's wedding, and to Hotch, you're the prettiest person in the room.

Content/warnings: mutual pining; secret relationship; food and alcohol consumption; smut (18+ only please. Minors do not engage).

Word count: 7.3k

Author’s note: this one of my all time favorite fics I’ve written that is also based on one of my fav songs by miss Taylor Swift ‘Dress’. thought I’d post it here since I’ve been gaining some new followers and as most of my fics, it’s only on AO3. If you’re new here, welcome and I hope you enjoy! Mwahh!

         Everyone’s eyes were on the bride—everyone but Hotch’s. Even before the ceremony started, his entire attention was on one of the bridesmaids: You.

         You, on the other hand, were mesmerized by Savannah walking down the aisle in her gorgeous wedding dress—you smiled even bigger when she joined Derek at the altar.

         “My god,” he said, staring into his soon-to-be wife’s eyes with a cheeky smile.

         Only then you sensed a strong gaze on you. You subtly turned your head to the crowd and like a magnet you found Aaron’s eyes. You gave him a quick threatening glance before bringing your attention back to the couple. You could almost hear him chuckle under his breath from that far.

         You’d talked about it when each of you got an invitation and he promised he would ignore you all evening, but it was hard keeping his eyes off you when you looked that stunning. That wouldn’t be a problem if one of Derek’s sisters wasn’t recording the wedding—oh, and if people knew about what you two had.

         “Maybe we should bring a plus one,” you’d told him as an idea to keep the best profilers clueless.  

         You’ve been more than his friend for almost a year and no one suspected a thing—truly. Apparently, profiling never worked when it came to people you interact with daily. You both were experienced profilers too, and since the beginning, you knew well how to act around each other to trick everybody at work into thinking you were still just two normal co-workers that got along.

         That’s how it was for over five years. Then it all changed when you both ended your respective relationships around the same time. Your breakup came first and was messier than his. He was there to catch your tears the same way you were all ears to him. You were lonely together and that woke up feelings neither of you thought would emerge from talking just a bit more than the usual. And one late-night kiss in his office was enough to start whatever you two had going on.

         You’d been confused for a while about how you felt about him and took the initiative to take it forward. You apologized right away because you didn’t plan to kiss him. Ever. But he said nothing, kissed you back, and took you right there over his desk—the first and only time he allowed himself to lose his professionalism at work.

         It was the most mind-blowing sex you’d ever had and you became addicted to it—to him.

         The officiant started his speech and when Derek began to say his vows, you snapped out of your flashbacks, holding your flower bouquet tighter by impulse. Your stomach fluttered while his voice floated inside the intimate venue, and you could only imagine how Savannah was feeling. She brought her palm to her pregnant belly, keeping it there the entire time Morgan spoke his heart out. He was like a brother to you and the fact that he had found the one made you wonder who you were gonna have the chance to share vows with in a hopefully not-so-far future.  

         You slightly turned your head to the crowd again when it was Savannah’s turn, but you couldn’t bring yourself to look at Hotch, the only person you wanted a life with. The person you considered was the one for you.

         God, if he only knew.

         “ ...And I promise to love you, ” she said. “ Today. And tomorrow. And forever... ”

         Every word resonated with how you felt about Aaron and your chest swelled as if she was a messenger of your own heart. You hadn’t told Aaron yet but loved him, you have for a while now, but if there was another feeling beyond love, you sure felt it. You’ve never been so close to grazing the sky like you did whenever he kissed you; electricity rushed through you whenever you two were in between the sheets; with him around, you turned into the most stupid (in love) person in the room and you were more than fine with it.

         "... I'd choose you to be my miracle over and over again. In this world and in any other… ”

         You finally dared to look at him, finding his eyes on you again. Now he was the one who threatened you, gesturing for you to pay attention by raising his brows. You didn’t react—externally, anyway. Your heart was clenching because you’d never had this urge before; to jump over everyone and let the world know he was your miracle. That was the best way to describe who he was to you since he offered to be more than just a shoulder to cry on. He’d made you believe in love again and showed you how broken hearts can mend each other—heal together.

         You took a subtle deep breath and kept your chin up, determined to avoid any unspoken flirting with him until the ceremony got to the exchange of rings, ending with the most romantic kiss you’ve ever witnessed.

         “Okay! That’s enough!” Penelope—one of the bridesmaids too—said jokingly and the happy cheering got quickly replaced with laughs. You allowed yourself to search for Aaron then, something you always did whenever something funny happened just to see him laugh. His dimples were in their glory showing how proud he was. He may have never said it out loud, but you knew how much Morgan meant to him.

         And that was only the beginning of the big event. After the brief ceremony ended, it moved to another venue inside the same hotel and despite all the bright lights and loud music, love was still in the air. It even radiated through every photo taken at the photoshoot setup you and Spencer had built yourselves that same morning.

         “Didn’t know you guys were this artistic,” Morgan grinned as he ran his hand over a wall full of pink and white roses.

         “It actually doesn’t take an artistic person to build this exact wall at all. Even a toddler could’ve done it,” Reid said while nodding, giving him a tight-lipped smile.

         “Don’t listen to him.” You nudged his arm. “It took us four hours to build it.”

         “Oh, yeah,” Spencer agreed. “Four hours and thirteen minutes.”

         “We appreciate the effort,” Savannah laughed. “Now can we please take the pictures? Baby is getting hungry.”

         “Yeah, blame our baby,” Derek mocked her, placing his hand over her belly as he stood behind her, ready to pose in front of the professional camera. “I know you’ve been thinking about dinner all day.”

         Savannah replied something between her teeth that made Derek laugh even more as they posed like the most attractive couple you’ve ever seen.

         “They are so meant to be,” Penelope commented with the biggest smile, snapping her own pictures of them with her phone.

         “I know.” You folded your arms over your chest with a proud smile that disappeared as soon as a familiar perfume enveloped you from behind, making your shoulders stiffen.

         Although… that didn’t stop you from shifting your weight to one foot, a thing that made your curves stand out in a way you knew would only make Hotch react—more so when you were wearing that dress you’d picked with him in mind. His lips always ended up attached to your neck and shoulders. That part of you was his weakness and the day of the bridesmaids fitting, that was only one dress that made you think of his lips.

         He cleared his voice as you expected to start making small talk with Rossi about Jack. You’ve always loved the way his voice became soft when he talked to or about his son. He’d told you how he wanted to bring Jack to the wedding but that he’d chosen to go to a friend’s sleepover—which was understandable. At his age, you would’ve picked your friends over your parent’s friend’s wedding too.

         “Now pictures with your team.” Savannah smiled at Morgan. “You’re gonna want to see them when we’re old.”

         “She’s right,” you popped in. “Come on guys, let’s all take turns to kiss Morgan’s cheek.”

         “Mm-mm.” Derek furrowed his perfect brows, holding up a finger. “I’m a married man now.”

         You stood next to him and pecked his cheek anyway before resting your head over his shoulder and pouting your lips in a fake-sad face.

         “Spencer, you were so right,” you said loud enough for everybody to hear in between camera flashes.

         “I know. About what? Exactly?”

         “Today really should be a national day of mourning for all of us Derek lovers.”

         “Oh, come on now.” Morgan swung his arms over yours and Penelope’s shoulder. “Just because I officially belong to my woman doesn’t mean you can’t love me anymore.”

         “That’s true,” Savannah agreed.

         You blew her a kiss that was sure caught on camera, then the messy BAU photoshoot started. Everyone traded places every three pictures, and in the last set you ended up in the middle of Emily and Hotch. There he went again, clearing his voice just to say nothing. He hesitated to place a hand on you, so you did him the favor and broke his awkwardness by wrapping your arm around his waist—and Emily’s too, of course.

         “Is that a new perfume?” She sniffed next to your ear.

         “It is,” you acted surprised, turning your head to her but clutching your hand against Hotch’s waist to get his attention—as if it wasn’t already on you. You’d sprayed some of the perfume he kept at your place and some of yours too over it, creating a whole new scent.

         “I like it. It’s very… you.”

         “Thanks.”

         You could tell Aaron was trying hard to stay away from you as much as he could, leaning more to the opposite side. You did the same, pretending that Emily was the only person you were taking pictures with.

         Then after the rest of the guests got pictures with the newlyweds too, the party began. The team had their own designated table. You took a short bathroom break before settling and when you came back, the only empty seat was next to Hotch.

         There was no other choice, but you weren’t complaining.

         Your dress lifted to your mid-thighs as you sat down and it got even higher when you crossed your legs, exposing your bare skin a lot more. Aaron shifted on his seat, bringing his clasped hands up attempting to cover his mouth.

         He got so damn tense.

         “What’s the menu?” You asked everyone, subtly moving your legs under the table to touch Hotch’s.

         “You, apparently.” JJ raised her brows, gesturing behind you. “The photographer’s had his eyes on you all night.”

         “What?” You asked with a soft laugh, genuinely clueless.

         “Oh my god!” Penelope grabbed Jj’s arm in surprise. “I thought that was my imagination! He’s smoking hot.”

         You turned your head and caught the guy pointing the camera at your table. He really was attractive, but Jj might have been exaggerating because he gave you the kindest smile.

         “The alcohol is getting to your head already.” You rolled your eyes and scooted your chair closer to the table.

         “I don’t blame him, though.” Emily eyed you up and down while whistling. Even Spencer took a good look at you.  “I wouldn’t be surprised if there were more pictures of you in there than Savannah.”

         “Well, he better take pictures of my good side if that’s the case,” you played along.

         “Oh sweets, you don’t have a bad sid–” Three constant clinks of metal hitting a glass got everyone’s attention. “Quiet now.” Penelope shushed herself, getting her phone out again to record Derek’s sister’s speech. “Sarah’s gonna talk.”

         Aaron subtly moved his leg under the table and kept his feet next to yours. Whenever you sat next to him at the round table—which wasn't often—his feet always found yours. It was his way of saying he wasn’t being cold towards you as he pretended to be. And you hoped that was a new way of showing he’d gotten a little jealous about the hot photographer.

         You wanted to tease him about it, run your fingers through the back of his head and assure him you had eyes for him only. Because you did, more so when he'd chosen one of his navy blue and perfect-tailored suits that made it hard keeping your hands to yourself.

         You took a quick glance at his usually furrowed brows before focusing on the fun stories family members had to tell. You had a permanent smile on your face during dinner as they talked about Savannah's childhood and teenage years. There was a lot you didn't know about her despite her becoming one of your closest friends.

         Unlike Derek. You'd heard at least ten different versions of the same stories and you never got tired of it. And on a more serious note, his mom brought up his dad with pictures of him projected on a screen, reminding Derek how proud he truly must be for his son starting his own family.

         Morgan being emotional has always got to you. You knew how much he wished his son could’ve had the chance to meet his grandfather, but the sad moments didn’t last long. The dessert brought the sweetness and soon, it was time to get to the dance floor.

         You weren’t the greatest dancer, but you knew how to move so you were designated to keep the guests motivated to dance with the other. You took the chance to at least dance one song with everyone—including Hotch. You tried to keep things low-key as always, so you decided to walk up to him, choosing to dance with Rossi first.

         “Wanna dance?” You stretched out your hand to him.

         “Ehh...” David hesitated. “Maybe later. Take Aaron first.”

         “Don’t be lazy, Rossi. Come on.” You played it cool, ignoring Aaron completely.

         “I’ll sacrifice myself for you.” Hotch tapped David’s shoulder as he took the last sip of his drink and rose from his chair.

         “Sacrifice yourse-?” You looked at Hotch with a frown then waved your hand dismissively mid-sentence, casually holding him by his arm and said to Rossi, “You can’t escape me, Dave.”

         “If you find me,” he barked back and worked his way to the bar with his empty glass in his hand.

         You shared a casual laugh with Aaron as your feet took you to the dance floor.

         “Don’t make it awkward.” You wrapped your arms around his neck. Nothing special, just like you’d done with Spencer a few songs earlier. The only difference was that Spencer didn’t make you feel like the prettiest girl in the room.

         “I’m not,” he chuckled next to your ear and kept his hand respectfully over your upper back while the other stayed just a little lower as if you were made out of glass.  

         There’d been two slow songs in a row and the DJ didn’t seem to have the intention to change the mood just yet. They even lowered the lights, creating a romantic ambiance. Or maybe that was just your imagination and the fact that you were actually in his arms with everyone around like you’ve always wanted.

         “We’ve never danced before,” you murmured close to his ear trying to keep an unamused face. You prayed your voice got lost with the music so the people dancing around you couldn’t hear how you were trying to flirt with him.

         “We haven’t.” He softened his voice too. “But we’ve done way more than that.”

         There was a twitch of a smile threatening to take over your lips, but you didn’t let it slip. Instead, you took a deep breath and slowly let it out as you said, “We have.”

         It was strange. You were used to having his hands on you behind closed doors;  inside a room where the only noise was his heartbeat against your ear. But like you said, you weren’t about to make it awkward. You cherished the moment because this was probably the closest you’ll ever get to be with him in front of everyone without them saying a thing. So you stayed there, hands clasped behind his neck as if it meant nothing – as if they weren’t shaking; as if you weren’t dying to just grab his face, kiss him in the middle of the dance, and whisper I love you for the first time one breath away from his soft lips.

         “You’re tense,” he murmured.

         “So are you.” You smiled, finding Jj’s eyes over Aaron’s shoulder along the way.

         You pretended the smile was because of her and made an uncomfortable face, gesturing at Hotch with wide eyes. She’d never said a thing to you, but you were afraid she might be the only one who could suspect something about you and Hotch.

         You were casually texting Hotch who was only a few feet away from you in his office about the plans you two had for the night, and you didn’t notice Jj had walked up to you from behind. She scared the shit out of you and you suspiciously locked your phone.

         " Hiding something ?" She raised her brows.

         " Uh… it's a surprise ," you lied. Which she believed—or you hoped she did—since her birthday was coming soon.

         You told Hotch about it and he reminded you to be more careful when you made it to his place later that night. And though you liked how things were with him, you couldn’t deny that type of coldness hurt a little too.

         “Is that really my perfume?” He kept his voice quiet.

         “I don’t know. Is it?”

         He subtly breathed you in and you almost melted in his arms. “It’s sweeter on you.”

         You caught the photographer shooting pictures of you and Aaron and you waited until he moved around to tell Hotch, “I– I booked us a room. I thought since you gave us off tomorrow we could enjoy this place a little more.”

         “What am I supposed to do with that information?”

         “811,” you said before the song ended.

         Breaking that dance left you with an empty feeling. That’d never happened to you before – missing him while he was in the same room as you – but for whatever reason, that dance meant a lot to you.

         You tried to fill in that hole by dancing with the girls though it didn’t work much. You took a break from dancing and made your way to a quiet lounge room in the open. The sky was clear and the soft breeze was the only one who kept you company as you finished your third glass of wine.

         “Do you mind some company?” An unfamiliar voice said from behind.

         “Jesus christ!” You brought your hand to your chest startled.

         Maybe it was enough wine for the night.

         You turned around and caught a charming smile and a camera hanging from his neck.

         “Sorry,” the photographer laughed. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

         “No, you’re fine,” You laughed too.

         “I’m Louis.”

         You shook his hand and introduced yourself too. It may have been the alcohol but the guy was really funny and got to make you laugh more than once. You would’ve kept having a good time if he hadn’t tried to be smart.

         “So, would you like to grab a drink with me after the wedding?”

         Of course, he was trying to get inside your panties. What a turn-off.

         “Sorry, but I’m taken,” you said without hesitation.

         You really weren’t, though.

         “Oh,” he looked around. “Well, is he here?”

         Speak of the devil.

         A silhouette at the corner of your eyes stole your attention.

         There was Aaron—and Morgan—walking to the lounge room too with drinks in their hands. You wondered who’s idea was it to come just when you were being hit on by some guy.

         Derek teased you with his brows while there was nothing humorous on Aaron’s face. You focused on Louis again, but the smile on your face was because of Hotch. Jealous Hotch.  

         “No,” you finally responded, sighing deep. “But I don’t see how that matters. I’m still taken.”

         “You’re right, you’re right.”

         Nothing about Louis was interesting after you studied his behaviour and read his intentions. Still, you let him flirt with you—and definitely pretended to flirt back hoping Aaron would notice—until he excused himself to go back to his job.

         You wiggled your fingers as a goodbye and slowly made your way to Morgan and Hotch, making your heels clack more than you had to.

         “Someone took a special interest in you,” was the first thing Morgan said.

         You stood in front of them, clasping your hands behind your back, and shrugged carelessly. “You think?”

         "Princess, don’t act like you don’t know what you were doing.”

         “What do you mean?”

         “Batting those eyelashes, laughing too much, touching his shoulder–”

         “You think that was flirting?” you cut him off.

         “It was to me.” Morgan looked at Hotch.

         “Hotch?” You—subtly—taunted. “You think that was flirting?”  

         It wasn’t the first time someone has hit on you right in front of him, but police officers weren’t as much of a threat to him as a photographer was, apparently.

         “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you flirt—” he confidently responded “—so I wouldn’t know.”

         “I’ve seen her. She does this thing with her eyes,” Morgan kept going. “I’m telling you, Hotch, she was flirting.”

         “That was bad flirting.” You rolled your eyes. “Which somehow still works with guys like him.”

         “ Bad flirting? Well now I want to see your good flirting,” Derek continued, but his duties as a groom were needed and his name being called from the microphone saved you from that.

         It was just you and Hotch now.

         “Aren’t you afraid people are gonna see us, alone?” You stayed put on your feet, holding back the urge to get closer to him.

         “Not really, we’re just talking.” He raised his brows as he spoke.

         “We are.” Your eyes went to his lips and lingered there as you licked your own. “Party should be over soon, so… I’ll go back inside now. Are you coming?”

         “In a little bit.” He gestured at his drink.

         “Okay.” You took a step back. “I’ll see you around, I guess.”

         “811,” he responded, sliding one hand inside his pocket and saluting you with his glass with the other.

         You subtly tugged your bottom lip in between your teeth and eyed him up and down. You knew exactly what you were doing, indeed. “811.”

         “Is this what your good flirting looks like?” He asked in a teasing tone as you were about to turn around.

         “I don’t know.” You matched his voice, tilting your head to the side. “I’m not very good at it.”

         He gave you a look that pierced through you, but you didn’t expose yourself and left him all alone.

         You impatiently counted heads once the guests started to leave and shared a few secret glances with Aaron the rest of the night, which built in the anticipation. But sooner than later, the party was finally over.  

         “Who’s leaving with us?” Emily massaged her temple.

         You didn’t pay attention to who answered as you were searching for Hotch. At this point, you weren’t even trying to be subtle about missing him, but he’d vanished.

         Or so you thought.

         You made it to your room almost with your heart broken, but when you checked your phone, his name lit up on the screen.

         I’m gonna walk around for a while.

         He was being careful—as always.

         The alcohol had worn off already, and you needed some more. You ordered a bottle of wine to the room to make the wait more bearable and paced back and forth around the room waiting for it until the expected knock on your door blared inside the bedroom.

         You smoothed down your dress and slowly worked your way to the door, dragging it open.

         Not room service.

         Aaron's broad shadow was standing there, both hands in his pocket.

         “Didn’t front desk give you a key?” You let him in.

         He shut the door behind him and kept on walking, forcing you to take a few steps back as he said, “they did.”

         “Then why did you knock?” You stopped in the middle of the room.

         “To make it more interesting.”

         “You’re funny,” you laughed, wrapping your arms around his neck the way you'd meant to do while you danced, staring up at him. “Did anyone see you?”

         “No.” He delicately brushed his fingers across your cheek and placed a tender kiss on the other. “Did you have fun?”

         “Yeah.” You grabbed his tie to bring him closer and closed your eyes. “You?”

         “This dress—” he murmured in your ear “—had me distracted the entire evening.”

         “I knew you’d like me in it.”

         He smirked as his lips traveled from your jaw to the corner of your mouth. Then he finally kissed you.

         It was tender—too tender.

         “It was made for you.” He ran his thumb over your bottom lip while murmuring against them.

         “It was made for you to take it off,” you whispered and brought your hands to the back of his head, pressing your lips with his into the wet, desperate kiss you’ve been wanting all night.

         His arms enveloped you entirely and his tongue didn’t hesitate to sweep yours. You’ve longed to have his rough touch melting into your skin for what seemed ages. It was always like that. After spending an entire day treating each other like any other mortal—when it was just the two of you—you both acted like two different people that had too many clothes. But it was more than that too.

         To you, at least. And you liked to think that it was mutual.

         “It’s always hard to keep my eyes and hands off you,” he said out of breath, letting the kiss rest. “But today—” he pecked your lips “—you almost made me want to risk it all.”

         You returned the gentle kiss. “Why didn’t you?”

         That was a heartfelt question that he’d rather let get lost in the desire.

         His lips collided with yours again as his hands confidently sneaked under your dress, groping you with hunger. “God, I knew you were wearing the tiniest panties under it.”

         “I chose these for you too.” You whimpered when he lifted his mouth to your neck and nibbled your skin.

         “Not wedding appropriate at all,” he murmured in a playful tone while kissing your shoulder. He teased the strap of your dress with the tip of his tongue, lifting it off your skin and pulling it down your arm with his teeth. “Do you have to return it?”

         “No,” you gasped. “It’s mine.”

         “Good, because I’m gonna fuck you in it.” He scooped you by your thighs and plopped you on the bed, settling in between your legs. He trailed kisses from your mouth down your jaw and neck, getting rid of his jacket and tie in the process. “You should wear my perfume more often,” he panted onto the crook of your neck, nibbling your skin.

         “Does it turn you on?” Your hands flew to tug on his hair. “Smelling yourself on me?”

         With each of his kisses, your desire for him grew. Your heartbeat dropped to your pussy within seconds and it was nothing but ache and warm arousal leaking off you.

         “Everything about you makes me hard.” He started to grind his hips while his lips went back to capture yours. “The things you do to me, can you feel it?”

         You moaned into his mouth, wrapping your legs around his waist. His erection rubbed against you, nestling almost too perfectly in between your still clothed folds.

         “Yeah.” You bucked your hips to meet his.

         “Yeah?” He pulled back, breaking the desperate kiss.

         This time you were only able to nod and lift your hips off the bed to help him get rid of your panties. He dragged them down your thighs teasingly slow and threw them in the air.

         The hungry look in his eyes while he lowered himself and lifted your dress up to your waist sent sparkles all over you. Your bare flesh was exposed to him now and though it was fascinating how he seemed to be at your will when you were that weak in front of him, you couldn’t deny how intimidating it was.

         “I need you so bad.” You bent your legs up to your chest, tempting him with how wet you were.

         He petted your sensitive clit with his thumb twice with a cocky smile before making himself comfortable by rolling up his sleeves and laying on his stomach so his arms would wrap around your thighs. His face now was one kiss away from your slick folds.

         That embarrassed you in the beginning—how fucking wet he made you and how fast—but that only meant how much you wanted him, and you knew he loved the effect he had on you.

         “How much do you want to come?” He kissed your inner thighs, digging his fingers on them too.

         “Surprise me.” You relaxed your arms above your head, ready to receive whatever he wanted.

         He ghosted a smile over you before circling the tip of his nose on your clit. You were so sensitive there already your body jerked a little at that first contact. His nose then was replaced with his chin, tracing rougher circles, and when he laid a light-feather kiss right there , you decided to close your eyes and enjoy the endless minutes of pleasure Aaron was about to give you.

         There was no doubt he truly enjoyed being nose deep in between your legs, so you never felt bad when it was just him who used his mouth like that during sex.

         “ That feels so good, ” you praised him, bringing your hand to his hair and running your fingers through it.

         He hummed in response, sucking your clit into his mouth with light pressure and smoothly adding two fingers inside of you.

         You rolled your hips against his face and in no time stars took over your eyes.

         “Oh my g– mmm.” You pressed your lips together to shut yourself up because, shit, you were being embarrassingly loud and you didn’t want to let everyone know how good you were being fucked by Aaron’s mouth.

         “I’ve been waiting all day to hear you moan.” He kept going with his skilled motions . “Let me hear you.”

         His pleas were powerful and you couldn’t avoid letting yourself go. You moaned—loud—and smiled through it all because he deserved to know how good he made you feel; how good he was to you; how generous.

         After that one, he went in—all in.

         God, Aaron.

         Fuck.

         Just like that.

         Please don’t stop.

         Your mouth went dry from how much you praised him and gasped in pleasure. His mouth was exquisite. Every flick of his tongue and each sloppy sound he made brought you closer and closer to the—

         Knock. Knock. Knock.

         —Clouds.

         Knock. Knock. Knock.

         You were snapped out of what was supposed to be your fourth orgasm, propping yourself on your elbows.

         Knock. Knock. Knock.

         “Fuck,” you threw yourself back down in annoyance. “I ordered that like half an hour ago.”

         “That what?” Aaron said and went back to eat you out.

         “ Mmh, wine.”

         “More wine?” He reached for the closest piece of clothing and wiped his mouth, chin and fingers with them.

         “What are you doing?”

         “I’ll be right back.”

         He took a moment to adjust his erection inside his pants and worked his way to receive the wine.

         “Thanks.”  

         The way he just casually said that got a laugh from you.

         “What?” He placed the wine and two glasses over the night stand.

         “Do you think he could tell what you were doing just now?” you laughed again, propping your knee up and playing with the hem of your dress.

         “I hope he did.” He crawled in bed next to you and smiled into a kiss, sneaking his hand in between your legs.

         He started to massage your clit right away. It felt good, but you needed him. “Hotch, just fuck me already.”

         “Give me one more.” He grunted mid-sentence. “One more and then I’m all yours.”

         How could you ever say no to that?

         He rubbed your clit like he was against the clock, so fast and with the perfect amount of pressure.

         There was that pleasure building once again.

         Your sweet moans bounced within the room as the tingling sensations spread through you.

         "Fuck, Hotch I—" you fisted the bed covers under you and turned your head to him searching for his eyes.

         "I know, honey , I know." He had his eyes shut and brushed his nose across your cheek, subtly hissing under his breath as if he was in pain.

         That word only slipped when he was pleasing you. You reached for his hand while you came, clenching and unclenching around his fingers.

         You swept your tongue across his top lip to thank him with a desperate kiss. You hadn’t noticed how he had his eyes shut and his brows furrowed. You kept your eyes open to admire how much he was enjoying it and let your voice be free.

         “There we go,” he whispered. “Good. So, so good.”

         “It feels so good,” you whimpered.

         “I know it does.” He kept lightly tapping your sensitive clit making your body jerk a few times. “Feels so good for me too.”

         “Fuck. Please?” You begged.

         He brought his milked fingers up to your mouth and slid them in and out so you’d clean them up, and pecked your cheek as if saying yes, now.

         You clasped your mouths together and stood on your knees to help him get rid of his clothes between more desperate kisses. Your fingers shook as you undid his belt, and when all of his clothes ended up scattered over the floor, you lay on your back.

         He adjusted himself in between your legs and slapped the head of his cock over your clit a few times while pinching your nipples, turning them into tight tempting buds.

         “Fill me in, please,” you bit your lip, roaming your hands up and down over his forearms and biceps.

         He reached for his pants and got a condom from his pocket. Your first time with him was the only time you took him raw, and you had to admit you wanted his bare skin rubbing inside of you again.

         You stayed quiet while he tore the foil open and rolled it down his length, then without much warning, Hotch grabbed you by your hips and harshly flipped you around, angling your ass up in full display for him. You gasped between a small startled laugh, your cheek pressed onto the pillow.

         It wasn’t often that he allowed himself to be this harsh with you, but when he did you knew you were about to be sent out of the orbit.

         “Sorry about that,” he said in a cocky, deep voice that only got a moan from you in a positive response.

         One hand circled your ass while the other guided his cock at your entrance, slipping it in just a bit. You wiggled your ass and continued what he started, letting him inside you inch by slow inch.

         He groaned like a god and slid your dress up to your ribs, almost, but you didn’t want it off just yet. Like he said, you were waiting for him to fuck you in it. He withdrew his hips a bit to plunge hard into you again, making your ass bounce violently.

         Then began to pound into you—hard.

         You reached for his forearm and held onto it, glancing at him over your shoulder but your own smile distracted you mid way through.

         There was a mirror perfectly placed by the bed, giving you the breathtaking view of Aaron slamming his body into yours from behind. It was mesmerizing—the way he threw his head back and licked his lips while gripping your hips until his fingertips disappeared into your skin.

         You made eye contact with yourself, bringing your hand up to your mouth and caught your own moans against your palm, dissolving in the moment. The curves of his cock fit you everywhere and reached your spot with each of his loud thrusts.

         “ Oh shit, oh fuck. ” You muffled your moans into a pillow, squeezing your eyes shut.

         That’s never been one of your preferred positions. He went too deep and it’d hurt at times, but it hurt so damn good you arched your back even more and let yourself drown in the way he dug himself in you.

         “ So fucking good. ” You smiled, “ fuck, fuck ,fuck .”

         By the time your skin was glowing red by how hard his skin slammed against yours, you stood up on your knees and pressed your back onto his chest, turning your head asking for a kiss. He gave you his tongue while his hands reached for the hem of your dress, pulling it up and finally peeling it off your skin in the middle of softer thrusts.

         He pulled you close and kept plunging into you until his breathings grew loud, his muscles tensed and his cock twitched inside of you, groaning deep at the back of your head. He wrapped his arms around you like his life depended on it—with a kind of passion that could’ve easily been mistaken with love.

         You turned your head searching for his lips and return that same passion, but he circled his nose with yours and ghosted your lips with his breath.

         A tender frown took over his face while his eyes scanned your face from up close.  There was a glimpse of vulnerability in him right then. You couldn’t quite read what it meant, but it weakened you on the inside.

         “God, look at you.” He smiled, and finished with one last soft kiss.

         You both dropped like dead weight on the bed facing each other, legs and arms interlaced together.

         It was still there—that look. You could almost see right through him.

         He took a moment to toss the condom into the trash then joined you in bed again, bringing you close into a hug.

         “You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. I know you want to be home when Jack gets back.”

         “I’d love to stay.” He kissed you. “But yeah, tomorrow we have early soccer practice.”

         You returned the kiss while nodding and brought your hand up to stroke his cheek. It was soft and cold with sweat which you kindly brushed away with your thumb.

         If someone asked you two years ago if you ever imagined yourself like this—with an after-sex glow—because of Aaron Hotchner, you would’ve bursted out laughing. You still couldn’t understand how you ended up finding the love you always wanted in someone you’d known for half a decade.

         Sometimes, all those years where nothing more than a polite handshake and respectful hugs happened felt like a waste of time. Other times, you convinced yourself it was meant to happen that way.

         You stared at each other in silence and just the sound of the city in the background.

         “Did you get jealous tonight?” You spoke after a moment, tracing random patterns over his chest.

         His brows raised, thinking about it. “I might’ve.”

         “I kinda’ liked it.”

         “I bet you did.” He pecked your lips almost to erase your mocking smile.

         “It suits you. The jealousy.”

         “Well, it’s not a very nice feeling.”

         “But it’s hot.”

         “Oh?” He licked his lips. “You think I’m hot?”

         “I didn’t say that.”

         “I think you did.” He kissed your ear.

         You let him pepper you with kisses. Kisses that felt like home. Kisses that made you want to break the stupid wall you both had built and just confess how much you loved him; how you wanted those kisses all over your skin for the rest of your life.

         “Hotch?” Your voice came out small as if anyone else could hear you.

         “Mmh?” He groaned into another kiss.

         “I– I think I–” I think I love you. “I think I’m gonna go home too.”

         “You sure?” He pulled back and frowned with curiosity.

         “Yeah.”

         “Okay, I’ll call us a cab.”

         “Okay. I’m gonna shower first.”

         “Care if I join you?”

         “Not at all.”

         You ended up doing way more than just showering together, though.

         There was a large window in front of a spacious jacuzzi that let in the shimmering city lights. You didn’t even know you’d booked such a fancy hotel room. It was the perfect place to drink that expensive bottle of wine.

         You both relaxed in the tub, drinking off the bottle between slightly drunk laughs.

         Time with Hotch went by too fast, and if you hadn’t spilled the last drops of the wine in the bath you would've stayed there until the morning.

         “Now you can call your taxi friend.” You wiped a happy tear from the corner of your eye, wrapping yourself in a towel.

         You walked back to the room and searched for your dress. It’d landed over his jacket as if they were two matching pieces made by the same tailor.

         You handed him his clothes and dressed together, stealing glances. You really wanted to stay the night with him. You almost provoked him with the dress so you both ended up in bed again, but you kept your cool and made it out of the room.

         You were waiting for the elevator when someone came out of the room right next to it.

         Oh no.

         “What’s going on here?” Morgan’s eyes widened as he made a little gesture between you and Hotch with his pointer finger.

         “I– uh…” You looked up at Aaron. He was just as flustered as you, and the alcohol in your blood didn’t help much. “We uh–”

         It took Derek three seconds to put two and two together.

         “Please don’t tell me it was you who had that moaning symphony going on.”

         “W–what?” Your face was burning right now.

         “Hotch? Really?” Morgan seemed more hurt than anything else. He was your best friend after all.

         “I’ll explain it to you when you get back from your honeymoon.” You reached for Aaron’s hand and walked away as fast as you could without looking back while saying loudly, “Have fun in Cancún!”

         You hurried through the hotel hallways, paid the room and hopped in the back of the taxi without saying a word to each other. If you hadn’t booked a room at the same hotel, Morgan would’ve never found out and your most precious relationship would’ve still been a secret.

         The ride was quiet, but Aaron never let go of your hand. At least, he wasn’t mad about it. Or if he was, he didn’t want you to know. You felt guilty about it, but it felt so good too. You stayed looking out the window to avoid looking at him.

         Fifteen minutes later, he broke the silence.

         “Hey.” You turned your head to him and stared for the longest second before he spoke again, “I love you. Secret’s out. And I don’t want to hide us anymore. There’s no reason to.”

         Your heart started to race so fast inside your chest you couldn’t form any coherent words.

         “We’re here.” The driver glanced at you both through the rearview mirror.

         You were still trying to process what the love of your life had just said.

         “Hey, love birds, I ain’t got all night. It’s thirty bucks and counting,” the man spoke again.

         “Do you want to come inside? So that I can show you how much I love you too?” Was all you could say as you reached inside your purse to shut the driver up.

         But he didn’t. “Tik tok, tik tok, my friends.”

         “I–” Aaron sucked in a short breath, reaching for his wallet faster than you and handing the man his money. “I think that’s a good idea.”

[prisoner-of-sin]

Shy/Affectionate s/o

Featuring: Zoya, Cinnabar, and Macchiato

These are re-written headcanons from about a year ago! I am rewriting more stuff and slowly writing some of my Ao3 requests.

Requests: OPEN

Zoya

Zoya doesn't care if you are shy and affectionate, she happily opens her arms to you and gives the love back equally. Her tone is softer in public, her arm is always around you or at least has a hand resting against you.

Zoya loves to tease you but relents with laughter when you get pouty. She holds her hands up in defeat before pulling you into her lap for some cuddles.

When you start to open up, Zoya is so proud of you because you feel safe enough to be yourself.

I stated before that she's more of a words or actions, but I've changed my mind. Zoya is most definitely action over words, sometimes she doesn't know what to say. Reputation or not, she's going to shower you in love.

Zoya will return any sentiment you give: compliments, hugs, kisses etc. She keeps you close to her body when out in public, she acts like the protective shield. It won't ever bother her, she takes it with pride.

When you and Zoya are in the comfort of indoors, she becomes similar to a puppy. You can cling to her and be overly affectionate, she holds onto you and whispers how much she loves you. Her kisses will deepen yours as her arms tighten around you. She teases and proclaims how she can take it further, resulting in your face fluttering. You may have to put up with her indoors.

Cinnabar

There's no way to avoid that Cinnabar attracts women to her, she's like a magnet! That simple fact alone may make you shy away from her even more. She knows and understands that, she puts forward more effort even if she gets flustered.

Cinnabar knows the unspoken boundaries and backs up when it's needed. This was a time for both of you to figure out feelings.

When you suddenly become more affectionate, she is taken back and nearly clueless. She may have conflicting internal thoughts about it; are you trying to get her hopes up, just to shatter them later? That seems unlikely because you are one of the sweetest people she's met.

Cinnabar is very patient when you are slowly opening up to her. She encourages the spikes in affection, you may both get flustered but she is so proud of you. There are bright smiles and thanks for making her day.

If you give Cinnabar compliments, she'll fluster and return it with a rub of her neck. You may or may not give another back, BUT if you do she'll return it. It'll be a constant cycle until one of you is the winner, it's like an endless hurricane of butterflies in your stomachs.

Cinnabar will always be by your side when outdoors, she is lowkey protecting you from any dangers. Her hand rests securely on your waist or the small of your back. She's attentive to her surroundings and you.

When it's just the two of you alone, inside, Cinnabar keeps you close and her head rests on top of your shoulder. She expresses how being with you makes everything easier, not only being a sinner but the challenges of life. You won't be able to see how much you mean to her, not through her eyes and she hopes that you'll believe her words.

Macchiato

Macchiato loves that you are shy and affectionate. She won't be afraid to ease past the barriers you have built. She wishes to satisfy all of the needs you have.

Macchiato knows boundaries very well, she won't push past them unless you are comfortable. Her patience is very high and nearly unbreakable.

Macchiato's words are smooth as silk, they are nothing but the truth. She'll hold you from behind or rest her hands on your hips, her mouth grazes over your ear as her hot breath makes you blush more. She achieved what she was wanting.

There are many times that Macchiato does it on purpose in public. It would be around the whole MBCC, count your blessings. It isn't more because she doesn't want you forever embarrassed.

At moments, Macchiato's actions can lean more on the lewd side. She'll apologize with a small huff and blush on her own face, admitting it's embarrassing that she crossed a line. She will do whatever you want to make up for it.

If you manage to gather the courage to return the gestures, Macchiato is beyond happy! She has a large smile as she teases to get her whip out to go further. She traces the thin leather over your sides before threatening to give you spanking.

When it's just you and Macchiato behind closed doors, you'll be cuddled to her or vice versa. She still teases but it's lighter and more of her heart behind the words. Her eyes have a certain twinkle in them and she's more hands on than before.

Macchiato looks forward to exploring new territory with you.

[annamarabella-grumble]

quick and dirty game review: KILLER FREQUENCY

it's really good!! why?

it's all your favourite 80s/onwards slasher flicks rolled into one

the premise is ropey as hell but it's self-aware enough to know that and make it FUN

the references are gonna be really obvious to horror connoisseurs but tbh for me they were subtle enough that they weren't overpowering the experience; it's not just fanservice held together by gaffer tape and string

there's one (1) jumpscare right at the beginning, so be aware of that, but it didn't send me running for the hills and while i haven't finished the game yet, it's fair to say the rest of the game does not rely on cheap thrills and scares

that said, the fact that there's a crouch mechanic deeply worries me

but still: without giving too much away, you experience the game by manning the radio station and taking calls from people being pursued by a serial killer. there's no narration or visuals, the tension relies entirely on voice acting and sound design -- and i think they did a spectacular job with that

there were so many moments where i (and chat, i was streaming it) was on the edge of my seat

the puzzles are absolutely doable but still really satisfying when you work them out; and there's timers only on some dialogue choices, so you have enough time to work things out in steps -- also makes it easier/more fun to let chat help hehe

when you do fail, you don't feel railroaded or tricked, which is important, though once or twice a lack of information can be a little frustrating because you're just gonna have to go with your gut

the characters have really interesting backstories, i can't wait to find out more 👀

according to the devs, the dialogue and backstories were all written collaboratively across the team, and the game somewhat responds to how well you do in keeping people alive

there's also clues throughout the story so you can try and put it together as you go -- delighted to find out what's the biggest red herring

devs say all players will get a satisfying resolution re: the killer's identity, but players who do well get a more complete picture -- raising the incentive for multiple playthroughs

there's moments of instant karma that are just *chef's kiss*

the environmental storytelling at the radio station ohmygod

is something lgbt happening to Peggy 👀👀

the dialogue choices match up with the tone of what your character actually says, so it's easy to mould his personality a little bit (and the bits where they get creative with punctuation to help convey that tone are really funny)

i'm about halfway through and so far nothing seems overplayed; instead the game just fully commits to the bit without being obnoxious

mechanics are simple: play records, play ad tapes, take calls, and occasionally run through the station for clues

sadly, you can't photocopy your butt

BUT you can shoot hoops from your desk (with paper balls) and the game tracks how many you got

if you're a horror movie or game fan, if this sounds like you'd enjoy it, i can only recommend it! i'm not super good with horror or survival games, but i had an absolute blast with this. here's a couple of screenshots so you can see the aesthetic they're working with:

it's got that cell-shaded telltale look -- easy on the eyes, colourful. and the carpets. my god

[nephilimeq]

Teen Wolf and Lack of Character Development - Scott McCall

Incoming Rant: Re-watching the first season of TW I have realised why I never felt that Scott was The Hero of the story even if the writers did not stop hammering the idea that he was pure and perfect and always right. He never sacrifices himself. This is a classic of fiction, the hero will always be the one who makes the greatest sacrifices for the common good and for those they love, renouncing happiness, normality and even their own life. 

But Scott never does that. Even in the first season this is very clear. The first few episodes emphasise that playing lacrosse and dating Allison are things he wants, but are dangerous to himself and those around him. The narratively logical thing would be that, after a period of selfish refusal, he would realise that the right thing to do is to give up what he loves until he has better control of himself and his new powers, sacrificing his temporary happiness for the good of others.

Instead, the narrative rewards Scott with control gained through Deux Ex Machina and not hard work, he gets to date Allison and becomes a Lacrosse star without sacrifices and therefore doesn't grow or evolve at all. This keeps up for all 6 seasons. Meanwhile, everyone else around him is constantly sacrificing their safety, sanity and even life for the common good.  And ten years later in the movie nothing has changed. Scott’s still not the one performing the sacrifice, he's still not the hero yet. He gives nothing, but the narrative rewards him with true love. Meanwhile Derek gives his own life to save those he loves he is The Hero.

So. Yes. To all of this.

I have made a countless number of posts about Scott’s development. Specifically, his lack of development. The writers had every opportunity to make him a decent character -- and Posey could have performed it and done everything at least moderately well -- but instead, they caved into Jeff Davis’ whims.

There were other writers in the room who should have held Jeff accountable and written Scott as a proper hero: a hero who sacrifices his own selfish wants for the greater good.

They do not have the right to tell us not to like characters such as Stiles or Derek more because they were the ones who wrote those characters using the hero’s journey narrative that they very easily could have written for Scott...but they didn’t. When the creator of Teen Wolf speaks up against those fans, he has no one to blame but himself and the other writers, and to say anything to the contrary just makes him look like a hypocrite.

You cannot expect your audience to believe your main character is a hero when you do not give them faults to overcome and make them a better person.

They wrote Scott as never taking consequences for his own actions -- instead, they had everyone else suffer the consequences of his actions and had them clean up his mess and deal with the repercussions. (not going into detail here because I have already done so on many other posts)

But when you show characters such as Stiles and Derek dealing with complex emotional and physical traumas and then doing things to try and improve themselves, while also dealing with their own mistakes and growing from them...but then don’t hold your main character to the same standard, how can you be surprised when no one relates to them? The accountability for Scott’s lack of accountability can be traced right back to the writers’ room.

I genuinely could have liked Scott. In fact, when he was being sweet and helping his mom, I loved him! He had the potential to be a fantastic main character...but the writer’s neglected their responsibility as writers.

To put it simply: the writers suck.

The only reason the show lasted was because they had good cinematography, and they brought on some experienced older actors into the cast, and they had two natural talents on screen: Dylan O’Brien and Tyler Hoechlin.

That’s it.

[shironekil]

My love for Tokyo Ghoul.

I cannot express how much I love Tokyo Ghoul.

I finished my first reread last Saturday, and I’ve been experiencing classic TG brainrot. There has been so much going through my mind related to TG and I wanted to put it all down, somewhere, anywhere. I thought jotting it down into a tumblr post might be nice. I haven’t ever done this before, and I often find it hard to put all of my thoughts and feelings into words. Honestly, I didn’t expect everything to hit as hard as it did compared to when I first read TG. Considering I already knew the major reveals and plot points, I didn’t think they would make me feel the same way they did on my first experience, but I was very wrong. From start to finish, I loved every bit of it, probably even more than I did on my first read. Remembering the main aspects of the story and the different arcs and plot points actually gave me the chance to focus on and appreciate everything about TG so much more. Be it the characters or the art or the themes and symbolism. Also, I definitely think reading it at a slower pace helped, considering I bingeread it the first time. Without a doubt, Tokyo Ghoul is my favourite piece of fiction ever.

Tokyo Ghoul had everything I could ask for. The aspect of TG that I treasure most is the cast. It has a wonderful, wonderful group of characters. I can’t emphasize how much I love the TG cast. I probably have a special spot for almost every single one, at least among the significant characters. Be it Hinami, Tsukiyama, Hide, Eto, Juzo, Urie, Amon, Saiko, Akira, Nishiki, Takizawa, Renji, Ayato, Arima.. Ishida just presented them in a way where I could do nothing but be heavily invested in them. I can’t really think of any other manga that made me love the characters this much. Granted that stories like One Piece, HxH, JJK, and Jigokuraku each have an amazing cast with characters I love, I just feel different about the characters in Tokyo Ghoul. It might be because of the deep level of empathy I developed for each one of the characters? Maybe I could better relate to or understand what they went through? I personally think Tokyo Ghoul combined fiction with reality so well. When I say fiction, I mean in the sense of fantasy. When I read manga like One Piece, I feel immersed in the world and it takes me out of reality when I’m reading. Even for manga in real world settings, such as JJK, I get so caught up in the outwordly story that I don’t really have a grapse on reality. What I’m trying to say is that with TG, I really felt that many things depicted in the story were directly applicable to the real world we live in. It gave us a two-sided story where we constantly had a perspective of the Investigator and Ghoul world, and how their actions impact everything. It felt like this could be something happening in real life. In fact, many things shown in the manga are happening in real life but in the context of only humans. I’ll probably elaborate on that further after I finish talking about the characters or on another post. What I noticed is that I grew so much more fond of some characters I grew during this reread, who I didn’t really care much about before. Ui, Hanbeh, Hirako, Naki, Hairu, Hsiao.. I could go on. One of Ishida’s many strengths is his character writing and development. Kaneki is on a special tier of his own, to the point where I would say he is the best written character in manga. It might be a stretch for some, but the complexity and depth of Ken Kaneki is just something I haven’t gotten over since I first read TG. Aside from our MC, the way Ishida developed our side cast was amazing. Notably, I felt the strongest character arcs (aside from Touken) over the course of two parts were Arima, Eto, Suzuya, Amon, Shuu, Hinami, and Yomo. In relation to :re, Urie and Mutsuki probably had my favourite character arcs. Every character got a share of magic. On the reread, I got to appreciate certain characters a lot more.

The concept of investigators coming from the Hakubi Garden piqued my interest in Hairu, Hsiao, and Squad 0. I barely noticed them when I first read TG. When Hairu debuted, I had no clue she would be such a menace with her quinque. My first impression was that she was a cute and mysterious airhead. When she faced Matsumae and the others for the first time, I was blown away by her skills. Arima was very different, as he was built up constantly throughout the entire story. Kishou was literally named the “Reaper”, I don’t know what else you could to build that lethal, frightening aura he had. When I saw Hairu battle with such ease, I was instantly a fan. In an exagerrative sense, it felt like we were somewhat seeing a female version of Arima. That is where I really understood how special these Hakubi Garden children were. My appreciation for Squad 0 jumped up from then on. Hirako, similarly to Ui, had my attention from the 20th ward anteiku battle, and I really liked the bigger role he had to play in :re. Hsiao was the “new” quinx that immediately grabbed my attention. I loved her character design and reading that she came from the Garden meant I was going to read in joy whenever she was action. Hairu and Hsiao gave me some of my fav moments during the Rosé and Dragon arcs.

Ayato is someone I absolutely love after the reread. The way he matured reminds me a lot of Urie, although each of them did so differently. When we first met Ayato pre time skip, I couldn’t think of him as anything but an annoying rat. He wasn’t nice, he was aggresive, and I can’t really blame him because he was just one of many victims of the cruel world. I immediately caught onto how much Ayato had grown by TG :re. The panel where he tells the Torso, in calm and reasonable fashion, that him and his gang are nicer than the other Aogiri ghouls. I instantly remembered how he told Kaneki the same exact thing while he was repeatedly kicking him. The contrast in how Ayato acted in these two situations made it clear that Ayato had changed, from someone filled with rage and violence to someone composed and rational. Renji did say, during his fight with Arima, that the Kirishima siblings were like their mother - out of control. Touka undergoes a similar transition. I understood that both of them had let go of the past, which previously filled their hearts with hatred and anger. All his future actions and mannerisms displayed further showed us that Ayato has really grown up. I definitely think that Hinami played a key part in helping Ayato change. When Ayato first met Hinami, he still seemed somewhat unapproachable, like he was when he dealt with Kaneki. When Ayato got angry at her and Hinami laughed, it was probably the start of a new path for Ayato. Similarly to Touka, I felt that he was dealing with the despair of being alone in a cruel world. Parents gone, sister not there. Ayato dealt with it different to how Touka did, but they both felt alone and angry. Hinami gave Ayato the opportunity to feel that warmth he was missing - to fill that void in his heart, similarly to how Kaneki did with Touka. I could talk a lot more about Ayato. “Keep going Kaneki” will always give me goosebumps. He had accepted Kaneki, not only as his King, but as his brother in law.

I was dragged into getting all sympathetic and attached to Naki. He might be “bros” with that psychopath Jason, but I just couldn’t shake off how I felt about him. The loyalty he showed was second to none. Whether it was that panel of him mumbling his comrades names or when he protected Miza or when he pledged loyalty to the One Eyed King, on top of the fact hes a goofball, I couldn’t help but like the guy. I won’t forget how he improved his vocab through reading because Ken advised his people to do so.

The Quinxes shined ever so brightly, which I expected as I only had good memories of them from the first time I read TG :re. Every single Quinx left a lasting impression on me. All for different reasons. I could talk constantly about each Quinx. Kuki Urie, who had one of the best character arcs I’ve ever seen in animanga, will always be a hero for me. I cannot get over how he turned from an egotistical and self centered dog to a considerate and thoughtful leader. What I really loved about Urie is that his character development was extremely visible. You noticed it in the story and you would notice how you changed from “I hate this dude” to “I love him!”. So much about him had changed, which was conveyed through even the smallest details. I noticed how little he would smile before losing Shirazu, and how much more he smiled when he became Qs leader. That moment where Urie just smiles at the sight of Saiko crying tears of joy after finding out Maman is still alive is so heartwarming. Saiko is the most precious character in TG. I could not get enough of how adorable she was. When she saved Urie after framing out, when she saved Mutsuki on the dragon, when she was hugging Maman when he was still in a coma, or when she was holding Touka’s hand as they waited for Ken to return. On top of giving us heartfelt moments, she was incredible with her kagune and I’m so glad she was the Quinx who had the ability of using her kagune so freely, I felt it really suited her character. Toru Mutsuki probably has one of the creepiest character arcs I’ve ever seen. Normally, I don’t get too affected by fictitious violence, in the sense that I don’t let it lurk in my mind later, but I just could not get over Mutsuki and her story. Chapter 79. No exagerration, Chapter 79 is one of the most sickening and provoking chapters I’ve ever read. Pre Rushima, I loved Mustuki. She reminded me so much of Kaneki before he had met Jason and tragedy occured. The parallels between Mutsuki and Kaneki were very clear throughout the story, even during Rushima and especially during Chapter 79. I could say so much about what that chapter meant and how it made me feel. Kaneki was an example of someone who was able to overcome his demons, whereas Mutsuki was an example of someone who couldn’t. She went onto an absolutely hopeless path as some sort of psychopath which was really painful to see. I could talk endlessly about Mutsuki. As a character, I love her as much as many of my favs. Urie and Mutsuki are perfect examples of side characters that just stick to your mind. I hadn’t read TG in two years, but whenever someone talks about well-written side characters, they spring to mind.

Furuta was an unbelievable antagonist. Ishida managed to create the TG version of the Joker. Nimura managed to be evil and heartless while running a troll gimmick. I couldn’t help but laugh at his trolling, even in the most serious situations. In addition to the Joker, he reminded me of Aizen. The fact that he has basically planned everything that has happened in the plot, from the moment he dropped the steel beams to the moment Ken eats all of the Oggai, was just so Aizen-esque. As bad as Furuta was, his backstory still broke my heart. The despair he felt stemmed from the world he had to live in and he decided to destroy it all.

I just have to leave a special mention in this post for Tsukiyama and Hinami. I adore both of them, especially with how :re went on and concluded.

Kaneki and Touka have a special place in my heart forever. I absolutely adore them and I love them so much. My favourite characters in all of fiction. I can write pages of what I feel and think about them. My sweet eyepatch and darling rabbit. Ishida gave them royalty treatment in every way possible. Everytime they were together in a panel, my heart just filled up with joy.

TG art is unrivaled. I haven’t and I doubt I will ever come across anything with art like this. It just isn’t something you can replicate or imitate. Every drawing manages to convey different feelings and ideas.. I never truly understood the beauty of art until I read Tokyo Ghoul. It isn’t just a drawing or depiction of a certain scenario. It bursts out at you with emotion. There are obviously other manga which have got amazing art. Berserk and Vagabond come to mind. I just feel TG art contains so many thought and emotion provoking layers to it while simultaneously being aesthetically pleasing. The art is obviously one of the main appeals of TG. You could pull almost any panel and I guarantee it would look amazing. A panel may provoke fear, sadness, despair, joy, amazement, or a bundle of different emotions in you when looking at it. Chapter 145 is a perfect example. An entire chapter with no speech at all. An entire chapter of nothing but beautiful spreads and panels depicting the destructive and chaotic nature of the dragon. “A picture is worth a thousand words.”

What I really love about Tokyo Ghoul and what I believe attracts me to it the most are the themes and ideas that Ishida is constantly trying to convey, and how so many of them are directly applicable to the real world. Tokyo Ghoul gave me so many life lessons on so many different things. Whether it was related to loneliness, relationships, discrimination, inner peace, normalcy in life, the purpose of life and moving forward. It all comes to mind when reading TG. Each theme or idea is obviously interconneted with the others, and I really feel that they’re directly applicable to the world we live in. We obviously don’t have to deal with ghouls, but many of the struggles and conflicts that our beloved characters faced reminded me of the things we face in our everyday lives. I could relate to some of the things that they showed in the manga in relation to these ideas. “This world is wrong.” I haven’t come across any line in anime or manga that stuck with me like this did, until I read :re. “The world isn’t wrong. It just is.” The way grey morality was depicted in TG in relation to what is right or wrong is an issue I feel strongly exists in our world, especially in today’s day and age. This is probably because the setting and events in Tokyo Ghoul remind me so much of the things happening in our world. TG just had the perfect mix of fiction and reality. I was immersed in a different world that was filled with ghouls and humans while somewhat keeping me linked to reality. I don’t really know how to put it into words. If I had to explain it, I guess it kept me fully engaged in this fictional setting where ghouls existed, where I would just constantly think about and get anxious, sad, or excited over the characters. At the same time, the events and dialogue taking place in the story constantly made me go back and think about the real world and how it relates or applies to reality. I was absorbed by this fictitious world while always thinking about how it relates to our world.

I just have to mention how special the writing and storytelling in TG is. I noticed such things individually and got to do my research on them, in addition to discovering other aspects to his writing and drawings from reddit. In Tokyo Ghoul, it was clear from the start that every single panel, drawing and piece of dialogue served a purpose. There was always some sort of significance to whatever Ishida was showing us. A panel could include either subtle details in his art, such as the constant tarot card hints or the habits the characters had like Kaneki touching his chin or Mutsuki clenching her arm. A panel could directly imply something, such as making a literature reference. This added more depth in relation to the story, the characters and what Ishida wanted to convey through various methods of symbolism. Reading about the context of the tarot cards, literature references and metaphors made the story much more interesting. It helped us understand the TG characters on a deeper level in terms of what themes they symbolize and what role in the story they represent.

I feel like I’ve written a good share on Tokyo Ghoul for now. I understand that much of what I said might seem all over the place, but I just wanted to speak from the heart. I have so much more to speak on, which I will probably do in other posts. I guess my final words on this have to be:

I LOVE TOKYO GHOUL!

[iturbide]

*reads tags on the last post*

...ok but now I'm actually curious about your issues with TOTK👀

okay so to be per, fectly clear: Tears of the Kingdom is a really fun game. I've been playing a lot of it, aimlessly wandering around, exploring the Depths, finding shrines, doing side quests, and so on. At this point I've cleared the four regional quests, a bonus mainline quest I wasn't supposed to know about yet I found the shrine early and had enough hearts to open the door, what can I say, I'm curious, I have the Master Sword, and I think most of what's left is armor upgrades and wrapping up the main story.

But also I have been spoiled since the game came out about what's in store and boy do I see a lot of similar narrative issues to my gripes with Fire Emblem.

So we might as well start off small with how TotK actively rewrites its history in ways that are even more extreme than Skyward Sword. Skyward Sword introduced Hylia and Demise as concepts, with Hylia inheriting the Triforce from the Golden Goddesses of Din, Nayru, and Farore and tasked with protecting it, while Demise appeared as a demonic entity intent on taking that power for himself. As of Skyward Sword, Zelda was written as the mortal reincarnation of Hylia, thereby retroactively contextualizing her powers. The Triforce has been a power source sought after and fought over through every prior entry in the series, and even though BotW didn't make outright reference to it, the Triforce was clearly present on Zelda's hand when her powers awakened and appeared in full when she sealed Calamity Ganon at the end of the game.

And Tears of the Kingdom does away with it completely.

Hylia is mentioned as the only goddess. The Golden Goddesses aren't referred to at all. There is no Triforce at all, it's instead been replaced by the Zonai 'Secret Stones' even in the ancient past, despite the fact that we saw the Triforce at the end of the last game. It was right there. Zelda is also no longer the reincarnation of the goddess: instead her powers are re-explained as being the product of the historic marriage between the Zonai Sage of Light and the Hylian Sage of Time, giving her command over both (but she's considered only the Sage of Time for some reason?).

Also, BotW pretty heavily implied that Hyrule was a matriarchy: it's the queens and princesses who have the sacred power, so it stands to reason that Zelda's mother was actually the one in charge of Hyrule before her death, and the king only stepped into the leadership role on a temporary basis until Zelda came into her powers (hence that pointed "heir to a throne of nothing but failure" remark in one of the memories). But despite there being a Hylian queen right there in the ancient past, the game firmly establishes that Rauru is the one with the power, and Sonia is just his consort, a priestess who he chose to marry.

And then there's the Shiekah. Throughout all of BotW we were surrounded by these amazing machines, ancient technology crafted by the Shiekah and unearthed in working condition after a myriad in the ground which are still running and wreaking havoc a hundred years after the Calamity. We start the game in a Shiekah Shrine that literally saved Link's life and allowed him to recover from what should have been fatal wounds, though it did take a hundred years to do so.

And all of that is gone in TotK. Not a trace of it remains: the shrines have all been wiped from the face of the earth, the Divine Beasts are nowhere to be found, the Shiekah Towers have evaporated into thin air -- and the shrine that saved our lives is completely gone, replaced by a hot spring. It still bears the name of the Shrine of Awakening, but none of the miraculous technology remains.

Personally, the idea that either Purah or Zelda would consider the Skyview Towers worthy of dismantling that Shrine completely shatters my suspension of disbelief. They're both scientists: they should want to study all of that in detail to understand how it works, not destroy it for glitchy impersonations of the old towers I hate the Skyview Tower miniquests so much.

(Let me tell you, it was absolutely chilling for me to get to Rito Village and see an empty place where I clearly remembered there being a shrine. The Shiekah presence in history has basically been wiped out in TotK outside of Kakariko Village, and I don't like what that says considering that the Shiekah were also victims of a genocide by the ancient king of Hyrule.)

And then there's the imperialism. I have my issues with Three Houses and every ending needing Fodlan to be united under a single banner, though it's most egregious in CF where Edelgard's stated purpose is returning Fodlan to its proper state unified under the Imperial Standard. TotK is worse. There have been some excellent breakdowns of the narrative implications, touching on everything from the loaded imagery and black-and-white narrative purpose of Ganondorf and the Gerudo (dark-skinned evil desert dwellers who oppose the good and glorious worshipers of the goddess...where have I heard that before...) to the game showing outright that the other races of Hyrule were treated as lesser vassals in the ancient past (the Sages being masked and therefore erasing their individual identities, receiving the Secret Stones that Rauru had been hoarding only when Rauru needed help to fight Ganondorf and thereupon swearing their very lives and the lives of their people to him and his empire???). They're great analyses, they've been living in my brain for weeks.

But I think the thing that I'm most mad about is that the narrative bends over backwards to keep anything from changing. At the start of the game, Link's arm is so badly damaged by the Gloom that he nearly dies and he spends the rest of the game with Rauru's arm in place of his own...but then, in the end, he magically gets his original arm back no worse for the wear. Zelda, in an attempt to empower and restore the Master Sword, turns herself into a dragon, a process that we are told outright in the narrative will cause her to lose herself and is therefore irreversible...but then, in the end, she magically returns to her human form thanks to her ghost ancestors somehow reversing this supposedly irreversible process. And on top of all that, Hyrule itself is exactly the same when all is said and done: there's no change to the power structures, no independence for the other races who choose to come together in the spirit of cooperation like we saw at Tarrey Town -- instead, the four Sages once again swear their support and fealty to the Princess of Hyrule.

Personally? I like a narrative where the characters and the world change over the course of it. That's one of the things that I thought was so meaningful about BotW: while most of the gameplay takes place in the present, the true start of the game is 100 years in the past, allowing us to see how the Calamity affected Hyrule, the devastation it wrought and the continued struggles of those who survived through the century that followed. We end the game with Zelda once more free, where she had been locked in combat with the Calamity; with the spirits of the Champions at peace, where they had been trapped by the Blight within the Divine Beasts; and with Hyrule finally at peace and beginning to recover now that the Calamity has been sealed away. I still think it's ridiculous that they don't actually show any of Link's scars in the game (especially since we are at one point forced to strip to prove that we are who we say we are, and they say point blank I would recognize those scars anywhere when there are no fucking scars), but at least things have changed over the course of the narrative!

But nothing changes in TotK. The status quo remains untouched and unquestioned. And it just feels...bad to me. Insincere, maybe. Unrealistic, sterilized, manufactured. It's a narrative that says there's nothing to question, that everything going back to the way it always was is the right and proper way of things, because clearly the Hyrule Empire is the right and proper rule. And I just don't like that.

[noforkingclue]

An Uninvited Guest

Written for @zablife 1K followers celebration! Congratulations and of course I had to write something. I was originally going to go with something angsty but quickly changed my mind.

Hope you like the fic :D

Prompt: “I wasn’t invited. I just came.”

Pairing: Alfie x reader x Tommy

Peaky Blinders tag list: @stylesofloki, @ohshititsfenharel, @lenaskyler02

Thomas Shelby tag list: @alreadybroken-ts, @darlingdevil, @lyrxbz, @watercolorskyy

Everything tag list: @greenrevolutionary, @byebyebreezywrites, @spngingerbread21, @layazul, @lov3vivian, @simonsbluee

You exhaled deeply as you heard shouts coming from outside the room. The party was in full swing so you weren’t surprised that no one else seemed to notice. You quietly slipped out of the room, missing the way Tommy’s eyes immediately locked onto you retreating figure.

“Is everything alright?” you asked the frazzled looking footman

“Miss l/n,” he said, trying his best not to sound too exhausted, “I was just explaining to this gentleman-“

“Y/n! Good to fucking see you!”

You couldn’t help but smile at Alfie’s voice. While Alfie was smiling at you, you could still hear the slightest hint of anger in his voice. Not directed at you, no, Alfie would never direct his anger at you. Probably because he wasn’t expecting any issue in getting into Tommy’s party.

“As I was explaining,” said the footman, “I asked this gentleman if he had an invite. I was informed that this was an invite only party.”

“Well,” you asked Alfie, already knowing the answer, “Do you have an invite?”

Alfie snorted and said,

“A fucking invite. I wasn’t invited. I just came. When I heard that Thomas Shelby was having a party in my fucking town of course I had to fucking come.”

You smiled and looked away from Alfie. You knew full well why he was here. The footman looked between you and Alfie, eyes narrowed and almost certain that he was missing something important.

“It’s ok,” you said eventually, “He can come in.”

“Mr Shelby said-“

“And this is my property,” you said, “I have just as much say about who I allow into my house as Thomas Shelby. More in fact.”

“Very well.”

You could tell the footman wasn’t happy and Alfie gave him a smug smirk as he pushed passed him. You gave Alfie a warning look which caused him to roll his eyes. Just as you were about to re-join the party Tommy stepped out. By now the footman had gone, leaving the three of you in an awkward silence. Tommy shut the door behind him, cutting off the sound of laughter and music.

“Alfie,” he said coldly, “Good to see you.”

“Thomas!” Alfie said loudly, “Good to see you! Guessing my invitation got lost in the post.”

“Must’ve been.”

“Postal service nowadays,” said Alfie, shaking his head, “Can’t fucking rely on them.”

“Of course.”

“Anyway, I’m fucking here now. How about a drink? Y/n, guessing you got the good shit.”

“As always.” You said

“Fucking great. Don’t worry though,” he gave you a wink, “Brought some of my own just in case. Thomas, always a fucking pleasure speaking to you.”

Alfie swung an arm around you shoulder and pushed his way into the party. Tommy closed his eyes as he heard Arthur shout in angry and Alfie’s joyful shouting. He had planned to use this party to get closer to you and not inviting Alfie was a deliberate act on his part.

Oh well, just because Alfie was here didn’t put a stop to Tommy’s plans. Eventually you were going to fall into his arms and then there would be nothing Alfie could do. The sound of breaking glass and Arthur’s shouting dragged Tommy back into reality. But firstly, he had to save yours and his party. He doubt that you would be very happy with him or his brothers if all of your glasses got smashed.

[lala3244]

Indulgence WRATH

~ Yes it’s me again. I am not sure if other fanfic writers read my stories but I wanted to thank them for the inspiration they gave me to write stories ❤️ (and also people who like and re blogs them ❤️ thank you so much)~

A/N: I took some initiatives for how the pacts with the brothers work. I am not saying it is how it is supposed to work like that or how I headcannon it but it serves the purpose of my story.

====================================

What would happen if you indulge in their sins?

==================================== Warnings: mentions of : alcohol(barely)/ violence (nothing explicit really) / blood

====================================

They were following you since you went back to the human world for a well deserved vacation. You needed to see your family. You never noticed them as they were being careful for you not to see them and you had no reason to think that someone would do that. You had been in the Devildom for a few months and even though it was hard at the beginning, you fitted in rapidly. The 7 brothers started to warm up to you slowly, one by one and you made the prowess to have a pact with all of them. The other demons seemed to either like you and tried to be your friend or they just tolerated your presence but you never had any problem with them. So you enjoyed your stay with your parents, telling stories about the brothers, of course while hiding that you were in fact staying in Hell. For the first evening with them, your parents invited the rest of the family who lived near them for a nice dinner. You enjoyed catching up with your cousins, seeing your nephews and siblings, and just genuinely enjoying your evening without a care in the world. The next couple of days was spending time sightseeing with your parents and seeing other family members who couldn’t come to the little party your mum threw for you.

You received a text from your favourite cousin who invited you to her house which you accepted eagerly. So that evening, you got ready and your mum gave you a lift to your cousin’s home. When you exited the car, your mother promised to come pick you up in the morning. You nodded and smiled at her while telling her good night. The whole evening was spent drinking and talking while listening to some music. It was getting late so you all went to bed. You woke up the next day a tad hungover and looking at your phone. It was still early but got up anyway as you heard someone in the kitchen. 

You had some breakfast while talking to your cousin and waited for your mum but she was late. You looked at your phone and saw no text which was weird as you knew she would have texted you to say that she was on her way. Still you waited. After an hour, you called her but you only got her voicemail, so you tried your dad. Same result. You started to get worried and asked your cousin to bring you back to their house. 

After jumping off the car, you ran to the front door of your parents’ house and you gasped. The door looked like it had been kicked in and was left open. You looked outside and saw two figures further down the road which looked a bit familiar but you paid them no mind as you were worried sick. You tried to listen inside for any noise but didn’t hear any so you went inside. The hallway looked as tidy as ever except for a few splinters on the floor but when you entered the dining room, you felt your chest tightened at the sight. Both of your parents tied up to the chairs they were sitting on, both unconscious and both bloodied. You walked over them, trying to see if they were still alive and to your relief, they were. You let out the long breath you had been holding in and let some tears flowing on your cheeks. You tried to calm down and picked up your phone to call an ambulance. When you turned around while the phone was ringing you saw it. Bloody words written on the white wall in your parents’ living room. 

“To make them suffer, it’s to hurt you” 

The voice over the phone got you back to reality and you said what just happened. Once the phone call was over you turned back to the writing and read it over and over again until the true meaning of those words finally sunk in. You saw movements in your peripheral vision and looked at that direction. It was the two persons you saw earlier. They were smirking at you, proud of themselves then they ran off. You realised who they were, demons. You had seen them a few times when Diavolo, the future king of the Devildom, had thrown parties for whichever reason he came up with and they never talked to you but they would look at you with condescension. You were fine with that but you didn’t think that they would hate you that much. The realisation was slowly changing into disbelief then to anger. You were starting to shake as the anger took hold of your body. They used your family, tortured them for you to find and to hurt you knowing they did all of that so they could get to you. It was one thing to hurt you it was another to hurt someone you loved. The anger turned to fury. You felt a weird tingling where one of the pact’s marks was which became as a burning and you looked at it. It was the pact with Satan. It shone with an eerie light and when you touched it Satan appeared. You jumped at the demon’s appearance in the living room. He looked weird, sweat dripping down his temples but you didn’t have time to ask him anything as the paramedics had arrived and started to work on your parents without you telling them anything. 

You looked with a blank expression as they were working on cutting the rope holding your parents up in their chairs to put them on a stretcher then they left. Police arrived while the unconscious bodies were brought to the ambulance. They looked around and asked you a few questions then they saw the writing. They asked you if you knew who did that and you shook your head. They wrote your details down in case they needed for you to be questioned more then they took some notes and told you that you could leave and be with your family. You were surprised by how calm you were during all that time not panicking, you just basked in the feeling the fury you were nurturing gave you. You could hear the demon next to you breathing heavily and once it was the two of you, you turned your whole body to face him. “Satan? What are you doing here? And how?” He looked at you with his eyes that were glowing. He got closer to you and stood a few inches from you. “I don’t know? What happened? Where are we?” His voice was raspy, his eyes were showing an emotion you’ve never seen before and couldn’t name it. The fury you were feeling earlier was still present and constant, it felt like it was fuelled somehow as you weren’t one to feel like that for that long. You looked away from the Avatar of Wrath as you were intimidated by his intense gaze. “You are standing inside my parents’ house.” You trailed off… something felt off. Why weren’t you worried for your parents and going to the hospital to be with them or calling your siblings to let them know what happened. You shook your head. “Come, we have to get to the hospital. I’ll tell you on the way.” You looked for your mom’s keys, grabbed them and went to the car. 

You arrived at the hospital, the journey was short and you told Satan everything in the car. You kept looking at him. Satan was still looking at you weirdly but you waved it off as you tried to get preoccupied by your parents’ health. You had contacted your family while driving and they joined you at the hospital. You waited for a few hours before two doctors came over to give you some news. Your parents were fine, their injuries weren’t life-threatening and you could see them. You rushed to their bedsides and saw they were still unconscious but you all decided to stay until they woke up. Satan would stay behind as to not bother your family with his presence. 

You had been in the room for some time when a nurse with a mask entered the room. They looked familiar and you thought it was weird they were masked though. They looked at you and you felt a weird vibe coming off them then they looked at Satan who was watching them closely. Their eyes widened when they saw the other demon and they left in a hurry. You could feel Satan’s wrath fuelling yours as you realised what had just happened. Your head snapped towards the Avatar and you saw his eyes emitting a bright light and his aura darkened. You knew you had to calm him down as your family was there but all you could think about was that feeling flowing in your veins, filling you with a sense you wanted to bask in and let it overpower you. Satan finally looked at you and stared at you intensely. You knew then that he could feel the same thing as you, you knew that what you were seeing in his eyes were mirrored in yours. You were about to let that fury take you and run after that demon when you heard your dad’s voice. You calmed down a bit and went by his head. You hugged him and apologised. He made a dad joke despite the situation he was in and you laughed despite how bad it was but you were relieved he was still the same. The doctor arrived and interrupted you. The police was here and wanted to speak with your parents then the doctor asked you all to leave so they could rest. You all agreed and left the room. You talked to one of your siblings to ask if they could help you clean the house if the police was done with it and if you and Satan could stay with them. Obviously, they agreed, you said that you needed to get some stuff at the house and you would be at your sibling’s house later that day. You left, Satan following you and you sat in the car. You were sitting behind the wheel staring blankly in front of you, trying to make sense of everything. The blond demon was looking at you patiently, waiting for you to talk first. After a few minutes, you exhaled a long breath. 

Your whole body was shaking and you felt Satan’s hand on your shoulder. You turned your head and smiled at him softly. He looked worried. “Are you alright?” You shrugged and put your hands on your face. The pact mark was throbbing on your skin and you still felt the anger flowing in your veins. Satan hummed and rubbed your shoulder to try and soothe you. “So what’s happening Satan? How did you get there?” He stopped his hand and put his hands on your wrists to get them off your face then took your chin so you could look at him. “Have you ever felt wrath in your life?” You shook your head. “I might have been pissed off but it never lasted and it was always for petty things.” He nodded and touched your cheek. “I think when you discovered your parents and knew who did it you got angry. As you have a pact with me, the Avatar of wrath, your anger turned to wrath. Through our pact, I could feel it and when you touched it you might have summoned me unconsciously.” You leaned into his touch and closed your eyes. You had never really thought about your pacts with the seven brothers. You knew you could control them with a word and summon them but you didn’t know they could feel it when you had any feelings that were similar to their sins. “So you are feeling my anger right now.” He looked into your eyes and smiled. “Yes, I am revelling in it actually and also fuelling it.” Your eyes widened at his confession. After a few seconds, you narrowed your eyes at him while sitting up. “Seriously?” He smirked and his eyes darkened. “What did you expect?” You scoffed and started the car, ignoring the question. 

You arrived at your parents’ house and went inside. You still hadn’t muttered a word since the conversation with Satan. When you entered the living, people from the police were still inside. You looked at the chairs and the blood on the floor and anger started to boil in your veins. Again, you felt your pact mark throbbing and you looked at Satan who was watching, the smirk he had earlier still on his face then you looked ahead and saw them. The demons who tortured your poor parents. They posed as police officers to get inside the house again, you didn’t really understand why but when they saw you, they left and this time you drew the anger from the pact. You could feel it trickling down your body, overtaking every sense. You started to follow them, Satan behind you. You could sense him as your anger grew more intense. It was as if a thread was connecting the two of you and you were feeding off of each other. He shared with you his power while you fed him your anger. It was still daytime but you didn’t care. It was them or your family. You followed them inside an apartment building. They took the stairs and you followed them quietly. You were glad Satan was there. He followed you silently. He didn’t try to talk you out of it. You didn’t know what “it” was but Satan seemed to be confident every time you glanced at him. You saw them enter an apartment so you tiptoed until you were in front of the door and put your ear on it to listen attentively inside, Satan doing the same. You could hear the two demons talking, there wasn’t another one inside. You were kind of relieved as you didn’t know what you wanted to do exactly but at least it would be two against two. You looked at Satan who was in front of you. His eyes shone with anticipation and you put your hand on the doorknob. He nodded at you and slowly you turned the doorknob hoping it wouldn’t make a noise. 

Satan entered first then you followed, he had turned into his demon’s form, black smoke following him and hiding you in the process. You heard the two demons gasp when they noticed the Avatar and they started to talk. You appeared from behind Satan and they stopped talking. They were shocked to see you then they started to apologise, cowering under Satan’s glare. Satan told them to be quiet which they did. You weren’t one for confrontation but seeing those two, knowing what they did, spurred on your wrath which further fed Satan who turned around as he was feeling your wrath growing. He couldn’t contain himself anymore and you knew it. You looked at him, that thread you felt you could see it, growing and you didn’t need to talk to understand each other. You nodded and the demon stretched his lips into a devilish smile. You watched as Satan dismembered the two demons who tried to defend themselves against the Avatar but couldn’t. Satan finally stopped. He was covered in blood, barely panting despite the efforts it took to kill them but he was, after all, one of the most powerful demons in the Devildom. He looked at you, a smile on his face, and returned to his human form. You just stood there, looking him up and down then around him. You were wondering what you should do about the mess when you heard Satan calling your name. “Are you okay?” He was watching you, a look of worry on his face and you smiled brightly at him. “Of course, I am! I was just wondering how we would manage to clean all the blood”. He laughed and it startled you. It was a genuine laugh, as a melody and you were overjoyed to hear it. It made you chuckled. “I can’t believe that’s what your thoughts are about. You just saw me kill two demons with my bare hands and you are wondering how we should clean the blood.” You shrugged and got closer to him. Your vengeful mind was finally gone and you had another feeling replacing it when you looked at the beautiful, bloodied demon in front of you. He was watching you, amusement in his eyes and also disbelief. “I didn’t know you could be so cold, you who are so kind and caring”. You got closer to him. “I am caring. My parents got tortured because of me by them. That is me, caring.” 

He stepped to meet you and you were now inches from each other. He hummed and fell silent. You were staring at him, how some blood got into his blond hair and it was drying slowly. How his eyes were still glowing from his sin. How beautiful and attractive he was right now despite all the mess on him. You put your hand inside your sleeve and tried to get some of the blood off of his face before it got too dry. He let you do it, enjoying the feeling of you caring for him, especially after the horrible thing he just did in front of you. When his wrath had worn off, he got scared that you would have been afraid of him and would run away but you had stayed. You were still there and now trying to clean his face as best as you could. He felt grateful. He took your hand off his face and kissed it. It sparked off the new feeling inside you. You tried to fight it but when you looked at his eyes, the adoration inside them, it snapped. You kissed him. He froze at the sudden contact but soon he relaxed and wrapped his arms around your waist. The kiss was soft at first but it became more passionate and heated as the seconds passed. He broke off the kiss and put his forehead on yours. “You’ll get bloody.” You kissed him again and whispered “I don’t care”. He smiled and kissed you hungrily. Your last thought was that you hoped you wouldn’t summoned Asmodeus by mistake.

====================================

THE END

Thank you for reading! Comments and reblogs are welcome 🤗

[lilflowerpot]

You probably already know about this, but i was reading an old post where you said how weird it is that Lotor and Keith are perfect narrative foils and I just wondered if you knew there was actually a reason for that? I think (as we can only speculate from what the people involved in the show said) that was by design. However as Shiro was a fan favourite and had unexpected popularity he was written back into the show earlier, despite the fact they had already storyboarded/written at least parts of s4 so they kind of replaced Keith with Shiro in s4 and sent Keith to the BOM. I feel like re-inserting keith back into the narrative though makes so much more sense in some scenes as it explains why some parts felt so *not* lead-up to and out of character and why a lot of loose ends weren’t tied off (Naxzela fallout, Keith being a hybrid never really developed, why the paladins never really mention Keith leaving to the BOM much, Shiro trusting Lotor after very little lead up and giving him the bayard which seems like a much more keith-ey instinctive thing to do, Keith & Lotor’s narrative foils and potential friendship as well as being a perfect way to get the audience to trust and like Lotor even more before his betrayal, Shiro being written suddenly as hot-headed and using Keith’s mannerisms, like his wall leaning thing etc)

There’s an interesting video that explains it a lot better here if you are interested: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iiFiVFxR_Q8

(Also to be clear absolutely no hate to anyone who made the show, it was still great.)

Also thanks so much for writing little blade! Your attention to detail in world building is amazing and really gives an extra depth to the story and makes it so engrossing.

As you say, we can only really speculate the ins and outs of why certain decisions were made and narrative directions taken, and honestly the fact that there's so much that we as fans simply don't know makes it really hard to comment, but ultimately, whatever the writer's reasoning for doing what they did,,, they messed up.

I'm not even saying this as someone who, obviously, loves Lotor blindly, but to use him as an example, his character arc didn't make sense; I can accept absolutely everything (alteans being used as batteries included) as a valid and narratively-supported exploration of his character up until his declaration that he wanted to commit genocide and wipe out the entire galra race,,, because that went against literally everything his character had been built upon. It wasn't a "twist" that served to prove he'd been pulling a long con, it was just... bad writing, plain and simple. Lotor, who'd been actively working to undermine everything his father had become, is ~revealed~ to want to commit the same atrocity that Zarkon did, just in reverse?? Lotor who begged on his knees for the lives of Ven'tar and her people- Lotor who was so gentle when talking to Allura about everything he'd lost in the past and everything he wished to build in the future- Lotor who was trying to create a second Voltron not as a weapon but rather as a means of supplying an endless source of clean energy for the Empire so that it would no longer have cause to devastate and destroy entire planets... that Lotor?

And look, here's the thing, so they'd planned to kill Shiro off only to be surprised that he was popular and so bring him back, fine, they had enough time to do that and do it well... but did they? Because frankly, Kuron got more dedicated screen time than "resurrected" Shiro, and all they really succeeded in doing was shove an obsolete character into a narrative that no longer had room for him, which was d e e p l y unsatisfying no matter how you slice it. I say this as someone who //adores// Shiro, and wanted nothing more than for him to be alive, but from an authorial perspective it felt deeply disingenuous and like an obvious after-thought. Not to mention, as that video says, "team voltron" didn't feel like a team at all, by the end—they barely knew each other let alone liked one another. Keith's ousting from the squad had so much potential from a "Kuron is a double-agent actively working to destabilise voltron" sort of way, but if they wanted that to work then there needed to be some recognition of what happened? Some apologies from the other paladins for never really fighting for Keith at all? Never understanding he was grieving not only Shiro but Regris too (sans, of everyone, Allura, who was the only person to actually recognise & acknowledge that Keith was in pain)?

Speaking of Allura, she's another character who suffered from what I can only assume was the writers repeatedly changing their minds on the direction of the story and simply shoving her into whatever box best fit. She & Keith at first seemed to be building something important, and while I'm not especially a kallura shipper, god, at least they had an actual foundation for a relationship (in whatever form) hard-won,,, having her throw herself at Lance, who she'd shown ZERO interest in before that point, immediately after her former lover (1) reveals he has a secret colony of her people that he's been using as living batteries, and (2) dIES RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER...? She should have been grieving, and //slowly// healing, but instead she jumps straight into a new relationship that the narrative treats as if it's some sort of epic yet tragically doomed romance rather than an ill-thought rebound?

It just.. it wasn't even a good plot, let alone a satisfying one.

Hunk was originally implied to be the beating heart of the group, except they gave him next to no screen-time only to realise in those last couple of seasons "shit, people are supposed to care about him, errr have a tragic family rescue mission". Lance was treated as a joke from day one, despite being set up to (I personally suspect) become Keith's right hand and emotional support in more than just battle. Keith himself was repeatedly given all the foundations for genuinely solid and satisfying plots only to never quite follow through in the end (learning to let down his walls, to trust, to love- until the entire team casts him out never to apologise for it and only takes him back when they lose their replacement once more / becoming a confident leader and Shiro's successor only for it to be undermined and then thrown back together again when convenient / finding and building a relationship with his mother, except they speed-ran it in one montage and had Krolia leave again soon after).

Truthfully, Pidge is probably the only core character who managed to come out at the end with what felt like a properly concluded arc.

[wonjnz]

unconventional heartbreak

₊˚⊹ summary: heartbreak is nothing but a numb feeling, no hard feelings, and yet no love either.

₊˚⊹ genre: angst, slice of life, college!au | wc: 1.2k

₊˚⊹ warning(s): mentions of alcohol, swearing | inspo: taylor swift - the story of us (but less toxic)

₊˚⊹ a/n: logged on tumblr for the first time in 2 years and got the biggest whiplash 😭 this was written on a whim while i was listening to speak now tv

quite frankly, you don’t know how you and taerae became a couple.

you both started as friends ever since taerae offered to help you with your math homework (though most of the time all he did was talk until you found the answer yourself), and you were together ever since.

but it wasn’t until a few months before college started when taerae finally admitted his feelings to you, drunk out of his mind, at matthew’s house party to celebrate your high school graduation. to taerae’s horror the next day, his phone was blaring with messages from matthew about it, and he swore he was about to pass out when you mentioned it while helping with his hangover.

he clears his throat in an attempt to break the silence, “fine, i admit. i've liked you for a while now.” he says in an almost defeated tone. you shake your head, laughing, “dumbass.”

“you don’t even remember the fact i said i liked you too?”

his friends pointed it out the first time you both argued and ignored each other: the fact you were keener on listening to his stories and what-not than joining in on the conversation; the fact you can concentrate on homework much longer than taerae, who’d probably give up by 30 minutes and start procrastinating instead.

“in his defense, i wouldn’t wanna date a carbon copy of myself either.” gyuvin shrugs, to which taerae looks at him ridiculously. “yeah no shit, because you’re gyuvin.”

taerae smiles softly after, “but i guess they’re right with the whole opposites attract thing.”

a few months into your relationship, you’d describe it as walking into a freshly painted room, trying to tiptoe to avoid getting stained. at first, you two were careful with the whole 'romance thing,' waiting for the other to catch up.

months after, you two were more than willing to run across, disregarding the wet streaks of paint across your clothes. to taerae, that was through the first time you both ever kissed while you both pulled an all-nighter for finals; both of you were tired, it was one in the morning, and the taste of coffee was still present on his lips.

and to you, that was being the first to say 'i love you.' with a bunch of wet streaks of paint smeared across your cheeks. you still can't forget taerae's face when you first said it, almost as if you were both kids and you said some forbidden word.

"what?" you say right after, a bit concerned over the sudden silence between you. sure, you were in a library, but still.

"no way." you laugh at his reaction, his mouth slowly forming into a big smile to the point his dimples were prominent. before you could jokingly repeat his words, he pulled you in what seemed to be the longest hug you've had in years.

the paint seemed to be drying up to look like some sort of home, and you hoped this was the endgame. you haven't loved someone like how you loved taerae in years, and everything about him was special.

but now, you were both standing in the very few empty dry spaces of that room. well, more realistically, you were both in his apartment. should this happen a few months back, you’d bask in the warm comfort of it, but god, this silence is deafening.

“you alright?” taerae’s voice brings you back to reality, you realize you’ve been standing around for probably the past 15 minutes while taerae was busy brewing another cup of coffee for the night. “yeah, just worried about a few deadlines.”

but you knew your answer was nothing to taerae, he knows you too well. "right. we've known each other for like, what, 6 years? i know that's not the only thing bugging you lately.” you sigh at his response, a worried look visible on his face, does he know as well? you ask yourself.

and you realize it was cloudy, hindering the paint to dry up. you’re still standing on the same empty spots, both scared to take a step towards some finish line, a window of some sort to let some light in. it felt like all your unresolved arguments, what ifs, unfinished deep talks, and “how are you’s” were the wet paint you were so scared of getting a stain off.

“no really, just tired lately. you don’t have to worry about me.” you walk over and reassure him with a simple kiss on the cheek, to which taerae simply mumbles a small ‘alright.’ though you can still tell he doesn’t believe you.

so you planned to try and be bold on some other day. but taerae’s “hey, love.” the moment he welcomed you back into his apartment with a hug and kiss on the forehead delayed it to your dismay. (it’s not like you hated his touch, but all that confidence building while walking up to his apartment was not worth it).

it's not like you didn't love taerae anymore. you love being the first person to see him in the morning, and the last he sees before he sleeps. you love him. but it wasn't the sort of love that kept you going despite the arguments before.

and all you could do was reply with a kiss and bask in his warmth for a little while. judging from his slightly sad greeting earlier, you know taerae thinks the same about your relationship. the both of you tiptoeing to a blank spot where it’s a constant routine of asking how the other is feeling about something; about this; and finally about us, you hoped.

but you didn’t hope he’d ask this soon. what more during a dark, rainy night while you’re both busy finishing up the leftovers from his fridge. the only thing keeping you both in the same table was the random video taerae started playing that piqued your interest.

“how do you feel about this?” oh. you're backed into an empty corner.

you gaze at him from across the table, a glass of water in hand, “about us?” he continues. the sound of rain and his god-awful cutlery (you could barely poke it through your food) hitting the table amidst the silence was almost deafening.

and that’s when you realize taerae ran back to the starting line, regardless of the paint staining his clothes. so you ran after him with the same sense of adventure you had before, the moment you reached him all you said was “i think it’s better if we break up.”

taerae smiles pitifully, looking back to his empty plate. and he hoped, he prayed you can’t see the hurt on his face when even he knew this might come sooner or later. “yeah.”

“i understand, i thought so too.” he reassures you after a few minutes of silence, pushing his plate to the side. “but you know i’ll still love you regardless right?” he asks, to which you laugh, the tension fading away.

“just not in the same way anymore, right? like the days before you turned up blackout drunk.” you joke. you could never hate taerae, especially not during the days you’d spend mornings with him clinging on; or the nights when he’s busy boiling noodles while you’re studying for exams.

he laughs along, “yeah, as friends.”

but when taerae wakes up the next morning to silence, his bed feeling lighter than usual, the scent of rain still fresh from last night, he’s feeling awfully lonely. but he resists the temptation of typing the typical, rom-com ‘i miss you.’ text, you’re probably still asleep at this time, he knows your schedule by heart.

the thing with the love the both of you shared was how it never caught one by surprise. sure, taerae’s drunken confession is one, but you both took things slow. almost too slow to some. his feelings were a slow buildup, only realizing he was interested in you when he was cleaning up his desk, which was full of trinkets you gave him.

only did he realize he was in love is when he hadn’t taken off the keychain you gave him on his birthday in months, which you pointed out was all dirty and scratched up. but he responded to your complaint with a “but it’s from you!” and he realized it has and will always be you.

and only did he realize you’ll forever have a special place in his heart while he’s still in bed, hair sticking up everywhere and his eyes barely opening as the sun blares through his curtains as the gray clouds slowly disappear.

when the silence finally settles in him, taerae figures he’d rather take his goodbye slowly as well.

[optimisticlucio]

Growing up Jewish means that, among other things, you get used to a passive but everpresent dread that the rest of the world will eventually want to see you dead. Passover is about that one time the Egyptians enslaved all of the Jews, and despite trying to kill us, we survived. Purim is about that one time a Persian minister tried to have us all killed, but we survived. Hannukah is about the time the Greeks destroyed our holy sites and tried to have us all killed, but we survived. Tisha Be'Av. Holocaust Remembrance Day. Tzom Gedalia. It's gotten to a point where we commonly joke about how 90% of our holidays are just "they tried to kill us, they didn't, let's eat."

If it was merely historical, that'd be one thing, but this sort of fear is far from merely being a story passed down by your elders. My great grandma's entire family was burned alive in the Pogroms. My uncles were beat up for speaking up about antisemitism. My brother was bullied relentlessly in school for being circumcised. "Generational Trauma" is the correct term to define this, but I do think it's important to highlight how every generation re-experienced this trauma. Luckily, I haven't experienced this sort of violence yet beyond some dickheads online, but I don't believe this'll stay the case for much longer.

I want to be clear that despite this all, I'm not pessimistic about my future as a Jew or of the Jewish People as a whole; I'm a hopeless idealist, whether it's about individual life choices or about broader political change in general. We've made it this far, I don't think we'll be taken out that easily, and we can certainly build a better world without having to hide in a gilded cage of our own making. But holy shit, have I heard some concerning things from people recently.

Antisemitism is no longer the Cain's Mark it used to be. Saying this I now realize that it never was this sort of mark it was made out to be, but atleast while I was growing up, it felt like it was atleast socially unacceptable to be openly against the Jews. In the past few years I've had to come to terms with the fact that even if this was the case, it very much no longer is, and the past few months had this process exacerbate significantly.

You guys have heard about the Houthis, right? Paramilitary organization in Yemen, not the official government but controls enough of the country that they function as the government, been blocking trade through the Red Sea as of the time of posting? Those guys. Their logo has "A Curse Upon the Jews" written in big red letters. There is no other way to read that sentence, it is very explicit. Seeing people cheering for this group openly on social media made me somewhat uneasy, both for the... well, the antisemitism, and also that this group is infamous for its blatant human rights violations, including but not limited to bringing back chattel slavery. So, I brought this up to people.

I was expecting some sort of shock, right? Even if they fundamentally believe blocking the red sea is good, that they'd readjust their position on the group itself. "I think it's a cool thing to do, but wow what assholes." I shouldn't have to explain why antisemitic slave owners are bad guys, right?

Right??

The sheer amount of people who responded with one justification or another for why it's actually totally fine blew my fucking mind. "Oh, it's not actually slavery, they're treated very well." "Well, they don't really mean they hate the Jews." "It's just a different cultural form of labor!" "Well, when you have a country like Israel oppressing your people-"

Yeah I think I should probably address the elephant in the room real quick. Israel, and its fascist-adjacent government, has nothing of relevance when someone brings up the issue of worldwide antisemitism. Antisemitism has been thriving for years now. If you open a map Yemen is nowhere near Israel. There's certainly a conversation to have about Israel's abhorrent treatment of palestineans in the west bank and gaza, no doubt, but, frankly speaking, that's not the goddamn conversation we're having right now, and I feel the need to specify this because I've had multiple people derail such conversations consistently. If your first response to someone talking about antisemitism is to bring up Israel, for the love of god reexamine your biases.

Antisemitism has been growing, a lot, and we're scared. According to polls, 7% of the US thinks that the holocaust did not happen, with these numbers increasing to 20% if you sort the results to only the 18-29 age group and 9% of Americans think it's acceptable to hold neo-nazi views. Trust me, I wish these numbers were flukes, but I have seen these same numbers in multiple polls by numerous sources in the past 5 years.

7% of the US is about 23.2 million people.

There are only 16.2 million Jews in the entire world.

You, do not, have to justify antisemitism, I fucking promise you.

[lil-shiro]

u cannot let the voice of the crowd dull your shine.......your omegaverse opinions.....my kingdom for your omegaverse opinions........

Oh 😳😳 hi...well I would hate to let you down, although I really only have one opinion that I'm afraid of getting hunted down for....

No hate please and thank you this is all for fun ☺️

I'm in fact, an alpha charles truther, I understand why omega charles is more popular buuut I really think he could pull it off from how I look at a/b/o.

For me, I like how he's very much in control of and aware of his situation (RE: Ferrari), because in all honestly he doesn't need Ferrari, Ferrari needs HIM. They depend on him, and even when they let him down, it doesn't deteriorate him from pulling insane results and keeping that morale going. He's truly convinced them of a WCC, and I think having that command and power says a lot. Basically he's got them by the neck at all times.

There's nothing wrong with the whole sacrificial lamb narrative, but I don't view it that way. I don't think he's sacrificing anything, frankly he doesn't care who's in his way and never has (RE: rivalries, ghosts of his past etc.). Even when Ferrari have their flop moments. I also view him as such an unwavering pillar for everyone around him...I've seen this man look haunted but never broken down.

Like he's always out for blood and I respect that. So ya, I'd love to see more alpha charles narrative out there. (idk if any of this makes sense, just my spiel).

Other than this, my opinions are pretty bland and honestly depends on the pairing itself. If I had to list some:

omega Checo. I think he should carry a baby.

Carlos should be written whining and begging more (the Australia radio changed me)

Alpha George has great potential (let him fuck!) (a/a britcedes has great potential)

a/a + o/o in general is underrated

I'll spare you any wax poeting about Lance cause I already go on about him so much you probably know my thoughts hehe. If you want my opinions on anything specifically, just ask, I don't mind :)

[chdarling]

I was re-reading TLE1 and I remember this:

"“I know Walburga,” said Mrs. Potter darkly. “She was briefly engaged to a cousin of mine, as a matter of fact. I say briefly because he ran off and married a Muggle instead”

Sirius’s jaw dropped"

My jaw dropped too. I want to know more about this story. Did wally like this guy? Who was him? Where did he meet the muggle? How were wally and this guy together? Were they happy in some way? Were wally softer in her youth or this love delusion made her the well known psyco? Did this unrequited love for this man have something to do with the failed marriage with Orion (like robert baratheon always in love with Lyanna stark instead of his wife Cersei?) and with the betrayal with Druella? were orion and druella in love but then they had to marry other blacks? I want to know the background. I want to know the drama 🔥 and how did the blacks ended the scandal? Did Wally think about marrying Orion? Or her father? Did Alphard have a role in younger siblings' marriages to people they didn’t love? He could have done this, just to have fun

hehehe.

ok, I’ve joked in the past about how I basically have a TLE wiki from all the random notes and headcanons I’ve scribbled in my phone over the years but like………I kinda do.

For instance, I have a stupid amount of Black family backstory, some of which I’ll keep to myself because it’s probably going to end up in the story, and some of which is just superfluous info that no one really needs to know but exists anyway because my brain doesn’t shut up. Sometimes this backstory makes it into little lines like the one you referenced above. 🙃

Anyway, here’s (part) of my TLE wiki bio of Walburga because why the heck not 😂

(This was written a long time ago)

Walburga Black was born in 1925, the oldest child of Pollux and Irma Black. She had two brothers, Alphard and Cygnus, for whom she never much cared. This was partly based on resentment: the Blacks, being an ancient family, followed ancient rules of inheritance. Despite being the first born child, Walburga, a female, would inherit nothing. It’s hardly surprising, then, that she viewed Alphard as her usurper.

Alphard, for his part, did not play the role of heir particularly well. He was extravagant in his tastes, liked expensive horses, racing, gambling and men. It became apparent early in life that Alphard would not carry on the Black family name. This meant, of course, that young Cygnus had a fair amount of responsibility on his shoulders. Walburga, who thought he was weak-minded and soft, resented him this all the more.

Walburga left Hogwarts in 1932 and it was arranged that she would marry Robert Burke, a pureblood from a respectable family. He was nearly ten years her senior, but Walburga was deliriously and unusually happy with this arrangement. While it might be premature to say that she loved Robert, she was certainly infatuated with him, and boasted of her esteemed engagement. Alas, the feeling was not mutual. Robert, 28 and unhappy, ran off and eloped with a Muggleborn witch. Walburga was humiliated, shamed, and utterly furious. She never got over the slight, and in some ways, her exceptional fanaticism for blood purity could be traced back to this moment.

In 1949, Cygnus married Druella Rosier, who was 9 years his senior. It was an arranged marriage, naturally, but mutually beneficial. A few years later, in 1951, Druella gave birth to her first child, a girl named Bellatrix. In 1955, following the birth of Cygnus and Druella’s third daughter, Narcissa, Walburga consented to marry her cousin, Orion Black. Walburga was 30 years old — Orion was 26 — and she was beginning to feel anxious. There had been no other suitable marriage offers and Orion, though she had no passionate feeling towards him whatsoever, offered a great deal that was important. Primarily, she would keep her beloved name. The two married in 1956 and ultimately took over 12 Grimmauld Place, the home in which Orion had been raised — his parents having moved out to a house in Wiltshire, to give them the space. Orion and Walburga’s marriage was not a particularly happy one, though neither of them expected nor wished it to be. There was no affection between them, no warmth, no intimacy. All they really shared was a devotion to their name, the honor and privilege that being a Black bestowed upon them. It was a duty, their marriage, and both saw it as such. The duty, of course, was to produce heirs to the Black name.

By 1957, Walburga was pregnant with her first child. However, she would tragically miscarry. For someone whose own self-worth was so reliant on her ability to produce a male heir for the Black family, this was a nearly unsurvivable blow. But she carried on. It took two more years for her to have a successful pregnancy, but on November 3, 1959, Sirius Orion Black was born. Roughly a year and a half later, on June 19th, 1961, Walburga gave birth to a second son, Regulus Arcturus Black.

Walburga was delighted by her sons, not because she felt overwhelming affection for the two children, but rather because they secured her victory over her brothers. She was the sole keeper of the Black family name. Her children would be heir to the entire Black fortune.

etc etc etc

It goes on a while, but, spoilers :)

[bcbdrums]

Given the fact that we were talking about our perceptions of certain kinds of ships in regards to Stein and how they suit or do not suit his character, how do you feel about smut/the relationship dynamics within Stein x character smut fics?

All righty then...! Here comes a very long rambling of my headcanons about Stein, his two primary relationships, and his relationship with those deeper intimacies. This takes some turns before it gets to the main point but well, I love talking about this man. Extremely long post under the cut.

Also - there are two blogs I tag at the very end of this post - you two feel free to ignore all my ramblings, just know I praise you both at the end and I still re-read your Soul Eater stories VERY regularly.

I'm truthfully still trying to reorganize my thoughts on this specific topic because 1) I have listened to many a headcanon from others on the subject and I always try to give validity to their thoughts even when they differ from mine, and 2) I've also read tons of smut fic with Stein out of sheer desperation for...well, Stein fic. (Come on Stein fandom where you at? Write me some gen fic too, lol)

I have not read too many fics of him with Marie cuz those always contain manga spoilers so I'm skipping those for now until I finish reading (exactly halfway through!). So what I've read is mostly Stein/Spirit smuts and just a couple with Marie, and I want to say….almost zero?? I think zero of those fics (and boy I've read plenty) have "hit the spot" in terms of what I would want for a Stein smut. They're good stories, in some cases great stories, well-written and thoughtfully conceived, but they're not fitting my headcanons and interpretations of who I see onscreen (and who I see in the manga so far).

All that said now… Some of my own relevant headcanons for him, and then I'll get more into fic of others.

I go back and forth toying with the idea that Stein experimented with intimacy just a little as a teen. He's not immune to puberty and hormones; he's human whether he likes it or not, which isn't to say mind over matter doesn't work for him. (Clearly it does, in staving off madness among other things.) But he's a scientist. He's curious. And I can see him justifying an experiment or two in his teen years. But they would in fact be just that, experiments. It's still a big maybe. I can't say for certain he would, it's the sort of thing like…if all the dots line up just right, he'd attempt it. If not, he wouldn't. And it would only be with those two people: Marie and/or Spirit. He doesn't trust anyone else enough. (Yes, I'm on board with the popular fanon that Marie was one of his other weapon partners after Spirit.)

Another teen headcanon... I can also easily see a sort of angsty distraction possibility for him. When he loses Spirit to Kami, I can see him getting into a "romantic" relationship with Marie as sheer distraction, and even misguided retaliation. Spirit "cheated" on him with another meister and abandoned him, so why shouldn't he do the same with another weapon? Which sucks for Marie but well she's not healthy about relationships any more than Stein or Spirit are. But this is just another sort of maybe-thought; another situation where all the dots would have to line up just right for him to go for it. But I can see it, no question, just like the prior thought.

As for Stein as an adult, at the point we see him in the show… While I think relationally he and Spirit have the most interesting dynamic to explore, the one he shows more openness toward is Marie. It's clear that he cares for her. And he doesn't fully understand that either. Now I don't think he wants to get into bed with her, or marry her, or anything traditional to a romance. But I also don't think Marie is going anywhere. Thinking post-anime now…. Unless he gives her a sign that there is nothing between them, I think she's staying put. But sadly for her, I think there is something between them... Sadly because, Stein doesn't know what it is, and it's not "love" the way that Marie wants it. It's just something he's unfamiliar with. Meanwhile she's devoted to him, poor woman.

Now, end of the anime… Let's talk about this…. Marie helps him back to sanity with her healing wavelength. But…then he's just "okay"? No he isn't. Look at that man. His dark circles are darker, his eyes are more haunted. That man has been living off madness and cigarettes for weeks. When is the last time he ate anything? Showered? Legitimately got any sleep?? How he's even standing up let alone fighting Medusa is beyond me, and then he performs freaking major surgery and then waltzes into the death room afterward like he's fine. Because...that's who Stein is.

Stein will fight until he is incapable of fighting anymore, to serve those he loves. Yes I said loves. And it is agonizing how much he strives to show his love for others, and it's something he doesn't even realize he has within him. He thinks he can't understand love? It's because he feels it so deeply and passionately it's beyond definition. Part of this however I'm also certain is motivated from his deep desire for purpose as an adult. The manga shows that aspect of his character even more-so than the anime (in what I've read so far). That man is desperate for purpose and to belong somewhere, with someone. He can't escape his human nature even if he doesn't understand it, can't define it, and even though it drives him crazy all on its own…

So bringing this back to Marie… End of the anime. I don't think Marie is leaving. She's gonna stay, help nurse Stein back to health and sanity despite his pretending he's fine (or perhaps even sheer ignorance of his condition), and Stein…is gonna be confused the whole dang time about his feelings for Marie. He knows he feels something but he has no idea what it is or how to process it. But "love" in the romantic sense he doesn't possibly consider, because well...his conceptions of that sort of thing aren't based in anything healthy (see: Spirit's relationships).

So yeah… She's not leaving. He won't reject her attentions because he does care about her, just not in a way he understands and also not in the way she wants. And as she starts to realize that he has some kind of feeling for her, I think she'd turn up the romance and she'd make a move on him. OR…she'd play the extremely...long...patient game, and wait for him to make a move on her, when it's within his comfort zone. And let me be clear… This man still does not know what love is in this traditional sense, does not understand love. He knows what physical attraction and hormones are and darn him he can't shake those either, but as an adult he wouldn't act impulsively on them nor would he confuse them with love. Stein is the ultimate master of mind over matter. If he were to sleep with her, it would be a choice; a decision he makes consciously and deliberately. I see this within the realms of possibility. But if he chooses it himself, if he's the one who makes that decision simply out of his wanting to…it would be a long, long time that that woman is waiting for him. But I do think it possible. The question is simply, how long will she wait. And she's also the type to try to stir things up (see: her behavior toward Joe in the manga). So who knows when they may end up in bed together... These dots are more complicated to align than those of his teenage years. And if Marie made the move first...I think he'd accept it. Because, see again, his wanting to belong with someone, and he knows he feels something different with Marie.

As for Spirit, well... Stein sees that Spirit likes women. And Stein sees that Spirit can't commit. I think Stein "loves" Spirit more than he loves Marie. First love, young love... Spirit is the relationship of his life, even though that's yet another thing he cannot possibly understand. I think that while part of him, the mad obsessive part, and the curious part, does want to be close to Spirit in the intimate way…it's not out of a healthy desire or even typical motivations. It would come from a desire to possess, from his deeply human but inexplicable yearning to be closer to the one he loves even though it's not the right type of love for that type of intimacy. Not really sure Spirit would be all-in if Stein were to make the move... I think Spirit would take persuading. It's another circumstance where all the dots have to line up just right, and in this case probably more while caught up in madness than in sanity. Because as previously mentioned… In his right mind, Stein knows that Spirit likes women and more importantly that Spirit cannot commit. And he's ironically smart enough to know not to attempt a traditional human romance with someone who cannot commit. I don't think Stein would himself attempt intimacy with Spirit in his right mind at all, unless something happened to make him utterly desperate not to lose the man... Another instance of, all those dots have to connect.

But ugh, the angst. Spirit abandoned him after five years... Stein is not going to willingly subject himself to possible heartbreak again. Plus, he does not think Spirit has forgiven him for the "experiments." I think he thinks Spirit only hangs around him now as an adult as his handler, despite desperately wanting his friendship again. But I think he figures it's a lost cause so he just takes what is offered and never pursues more.

Okay but before I digress further into my endless thoughts about Stein's and Spirit's relationship (I'll do another post for that maybe), back to the point of your question.

I am really not one for labels, partially because I don't understand them but also because I think the spectrum is just so deep and too much defies definition. But if I were to label him, I guess I'd go with...gray ace with demi leanings…?

The man is driven only by curiosity, about anything and everything. But the level of intimacy we're talking about is more than he ever wants to trust anyone with. It's always gotta be on his terms, and more often than not…his terms would be unhealthy.

So let's talk about what shows up in fanfic, since that was what the original question was about. And once again, I like to lend validity to everyone's interpretation. Just because it isn't mine doesn't mean it's wrong or shouldn't exist. But you did ask about MY thoughts, so that's what I'm sharing here.

Once again, I've barely touched Stein/Marie fic because I'm avoiding manga spoilers. In the one or two I've seen, he comes across as not connecting emotionally in the typical way, but knowing that there is indeed something different about being with her. He knows she cares about him, and he cares in return. But it doesn't come across as anything intimate on his side of it. This isn't a characterization I particularly like, because Stein as an adult... As I said, I think he'd choose that intimacy if and when he wants it. In the stories, it comes across more as him just doing her a favor, just going along. It doesn't sit right. But like I said, that's only two stories. For other Stein/Marie, I reserve opinion for later.

Stein/Spirit... Okay. I've noticed a great many commonalities in the fics I've read. And this isn't a taste or preference thing; like I said I have devoured almost every smut fic just in desperation for any fanfic of them. Would prefer more gen fic less smut personally, but anyway.

Most fics have Stein in the dominant role, Spirit in the submissive role. I understand that interpretation but it's not how I see them. I see them as equals if they were to get into that type of intimacy. There is often a lot of bloodplay, frequently madness on Stein's part, major instances of non-con, pet play, BDSM, sometimes light cannibalism... It all suggests an impersonal and unhealthy relationship most of the time, which again...is not at all how I see them if they were to become a couple. Could such things come about? Unhealthily, possibly. But darn me and my desire for happy endings.

These two men are so broken, that if they were to become a healthy couple...I feel like it would be slow, cautious...extremely hesitant. There is extreme distrust on both sides, and also misconceptions about how the other feels. Which...I will save that analysis for later. Focusing back on smut fic.

I have seen only a few that touch on the give and take in a trusting relationship (all by the same author) that come closest to what I feel is accurate to the characters onscreen as I see them, but still the emphasis is too much on lust. It still isn't hitting the spot for me due to a lack of that relational development... Make no mistake, the stories are great, but I personally am hoping for something much deeper.

In my view, Stein just does not seek out physical intimacy in that way. I don't think he can fully escape the innate human need for touch, but in terms of a drive to get into bed with anyone... I think the occasional human desire for it crops up, and he easily ignores it/packs it away because it's not useful to him. It doesn't bother him. He doesn't think about it.

So this is where that...gray-ace, demi vibe comes into play for my view of him. Talking about Stein here as an adult and in control of himself, not consumed by madness... This is I supposed a bit of a summation of my thoughts.

If he did get into a relationship with anyone (and again I think his only choices are Spirit and Marie), it would not be based on the physical at all. I also don't think he would rush into any relationship. It would be a long process before he trusted the person enough to consider them a romantic partner. And really, we could get away from the word romance entirely... Life-partner is a better word, in Stein's case. If the person wanted physical intimacies, I think he would be responsive to that. The other person would be in the lead, but in no way dominating. It would have to be an equal trust thing or else Stein would nope out hard. Stein would gradually learn what it is he likes physically, and how to give his partner what they want. He can come to enjoy it because this is his life-partner, the one he belongs with, the one who needs him and is part of his purpose. But again...the physical is not something that drives him at all. Not in how I see him portrayed onscreen or in the manga.

So, overall, in my point of view nearly all smut fics miss the mark. Now...the stories I've seen where I think the physical intimacy is nailed don't even get to smut. Those are the stories by @asymmetryestablished (AO3 NothingSoDivine) and their characterizations of Stein and Spirit defy description in any words I have. The other author who nails it is @wispforever (same on AO3) and the closest to physical intimacy they get is dancing, but my gosh still the characterizations are utter perfection. I will be re-reading y'all's Stein/Spirit stories forever.

I hope I did in fact answer your question, but overall, I was delighted to just spill out so many of my thoughts about Stein even if in summary form. Yes this was a summary... Okay. I'm done. Thanks.