#Tw ableist

[antiendovents]

// vent, medical ableism

tldr; my fucking DOCTOR is pro-endo and her source is a dumbass paper that proves nothing and now my healthcare is at risk!!

just had my appointment with my gender wellness doctor. she asked how i've been and i mentioned finding a 2nd therapist for specific stuff. she asked what and i said dissociative disorders. i wanted to be vague but she pressed me to talk about it and reluctantly i talked about having alters and answered her questions bc i struggle with saying no.

i told her i was ok with doing an adverse childhood experiences scale but that i had stuff i wanted to talk about (like my hrt not being at the pharmacy for months) she said "we'll get to it".

after the assessment she asked abt it causing distress and she was talking about how in the office they use the term "plural identities" i said that was fine but that its still a disorder. she was like "disorder is negative" and compared it to how it used to be called gender identity disorder (comparing the two as if she has any place to talk on it, being cis and a singlet) but its better to use "plural identities"

i was like "thats fine as long as its still seen as a disorder and caused by trauma" and she was like "no its not always caused by trauma" and i straight up said "do you have a source for that?" and she was like "google my husbands name" and i did and THEN she moved on to my actual issues with struggling to get hrt for months.

the whole time after i had to mask how i was feeling so i could get basic healthcare. after she hung up i burst into tears. its been like 10 min and im still crying and feel sick. ive had doctors say they dont know what DID/OSDD-1 is before. ive had them say DID is a personality disorder. ive never had anything like this before and i feel unsafe. the fucking endo community IS affecting healthcare. i dont feel like i can ever talk to a doctor about this stuff again. she completely talked over me and then moved on like it was nothing

btw this is the stupid study her husband worked on. read it and its not even PROVING ANY OF WHAT SHE SAID. its just "oh well some people THINK theyre plural and of course disordered people have to be miserable so if you like ur alters they must be magically there!" and was from the plural association. its fucking disgusting this is being used as fact when theres nothing but subjective opinion.

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S246874992300042X

i genuinely think im going to go to planned parenthood from now on. i cant work with her anymore. its been 2? maybe more years of working with her but im done. im sorry to ramble so much. im still having a breakdown over this.

-arachnid anon

im really sorry about that arachnid anon. That sucks and if you can we hope you manage to get a new doctor because she is clearly causing you distress. This really sucks, I feel like endos don't always realise how dangerous this stuff can be for actual systems. If doctors don't see it as a disorder then they won't treat it as such, meaning you won't get the help you need and you won't feel safe with her (as you said), which like,, isn't good. She's not a specialist meaning if anything she shouldn't really be saying stuff about DID/OSDD at all, because that's not her job or her place ((I understand you brought it up, but still. She should keep her opinions out of her damn job))

[mental-illness-bingo]

Are you fucking kidding me? Now we're lumping Autism, Parkinson's, and Alzheimer's together? Two literal degenerative brain diseases, with someone god forbid not thinking and acting the way you think they should. I fucking hate it here. Yes autism is a disability - and we don't need to do everything we can to make it go away. We need to *gasp* make accommodations.

Edit: Shit, sorry for the lack of alt text, it's added now

[scribbles-2004]

I absolutely fucking hate that there's only one meme repaint mod for ddlc and said mod is ableist as fuck, they legit use autism as an insult and it's infuriating, specially as an autistic person, the only good thing about that mod is waluigi having Monika's role since he looked hot as fuck but it really fucking sucks how shitty the mod in general is

I just wanna make my own repaint mod for the game out of spite but also to practice with modding

[autistic-zukoao3]

Wheelchair users in my town have to travel almost exclusively on the road because the sidewalks are uneven, or just straight up not there.

It makes me so nervous to see. They have no choice but to be right there in traffic, tucked as far from the cars as they can while still able for their chairs to not get caught on the curb or weeds sprouting from under the curb.

The "wheelchair accessible" areas are usually shit as well. They'll have too short of entrances so if a wheelchair were to back up enough for the door to open, they'd fall off the edge. Or the entrance will be fine, but the curb never ends. There will be no way for a wheelchair to get onto the path to enter the building. People have to help them. They have to put their trust in random people to help maneuver their chairs onto the sidewalk without tipping the person or accidentally breaking the chair.

It makes me angry.

Our town loves to pretend it's super progressive and inclusive, but it's mostly performative. It's still better than most towns in the area, but it's still nowhere near what it needs to be.

[aspd-culture]

Greetings,

1. Your content is very helpful, big thanks for answering questions so thoroughly!

I have aspd+npd and adhd.

cd in childhood ✔️

So I started therapy again, had my 3 visits to get-to-know-eachother and soon will have weekly or so appointments.

Now she ain’t really familiar with cluster b (I know I know…), but no other therapist in my area takes new patients or is familiar with the topic either.

Now today I told her about my diagnosis’s straightforward and she’s all about “not labeling symptoms as diagnosis’s”, she’s an in depth-psychotherapy psychologist and works with the NVC nonviolent communication concept by Marshall Rosenberg *deep sigh*

“Based on the teachings of Sigmund Freud, traditional psychoanalysis deals with the reconstruction of long-repressed memories, while depth psychology focuses primarily on the "present conscious".”

Now I know I will have to withhold my “I know better about this” reactions to some degree, I told her about cluster b treatment being specific and a lot of other disorders have same/similar symptoms aka having labels like aspd&npd IS HELPFUL CUZ NOW YOU KNOW WHAT YOURE WORKING WITH?? (+do precise research)

but we talked a little bit about me experiencing npd shame and she was like: “well that contradicts itself, you cannot have aspd and experience shame, aspd lacks that & you appear to be a nice lady anyway” *implodes*

The mocking laugh I had to withhold omg.

Now going by the books at least >3 symptoms have to be present & I have more than that.

Everyone experiences it differently, idk if it’s even considered somewhat of a spectrum?

And I HAVE THE LITERAL DIAGNOSIS ANYWAY.

Like what does she not get about me ALSO HAVING NPD COMORBID?! and shame being the core of NPD?

Now… I’ll probably stay with her for a while (if I have the self control) since I really need therapy to some degree at least, cuz things suck big time right now.

And my question is how to teach her her job and explain the aspd&npd comorbid stuff to her and that labels do play a role here? Idk just overall advice?

End of frustration rant🤦🏻‍♀️

-K

Thank you, I do my best!

TW, all caps text in the response (not aggressive, in a surprised/reaction way)

I'm just... gonna liveblog my response to this bc I have so many feelings on this therapist already and I have barely read 1/4 of the ask yet.

Not being familiar with cluster b pds actually isn't always a bad thing. I will happily take unfamiliar over some of the so called specialists in that area who believe in "narc abuse" and the like. I generally recommend people who think/know they have ASPD to seek out therapists in the range of trauma specialists over cluster b specialists for that reason.

Ugh, I can't stand the "I don't like labels/diagnoses" therapists enough already when they're referring to new ones while in their care, but to say that to someone who is telling you about a dx they already have is a new low.

Not the Freud! Not the "present conscious"! Gross gross all around imo. If that works for some of you that is awesome but I can't stomach that kind of therapist just for me personally.

Reconstruction of repressed memories is tricky because if they don't handle that right it is a very sensitive moment for them to fuck up/say something shitty, so I personally prefer to let those bubble up naturally, but because I have DID (oh ya, that official dx happened btw) they are more likely to bubble up for me than for a singlet. It makes sense to me that singlets would want a therapist for that.

OH DEAR FUCK I DID NOT THINK IT COULD GET WORSE. Ok so unpacking that - pwASPD absolutely experience shame, which is extremely common in traumatized people of any variety. In fact, shame is a very common symptom of PTSD. Remorse and shame are not only not the same, but they are so far removed from each other than even most ableist prosocials know and admit that those two are not even in the same family.

The "you appear to be a nice lady" is the icing on the "Get the fuck rid of this therapist if you can" cake for me, because it reeks of ableism and sexism at the same time. AFABs often have their symptoms of ASPD ignored entirely or intentionally mis-attributed to autism or BPD because they just cannot fathom an AFAB not thinking like a lady. ASPD is demonized and AFABs are infantilized and their tiny prosocial brains blow up because those two cannot co-exist.

I, to be quite honest, would chuck her in the unfixable pile. I wish I could give you advice on this, but there is just too much ableism, sexism, and ignorance in how she reacted in just this single interaction you described for me to think she's salvagable. When it's one little thing you can sometimes teach them/get them to learn with you - even though that is literally the opposite of what therapy is supposed to be - and get something good out of it, but with all of this I think it presents a much larger risk to you to try.

If you can't switch any time soon, I would try and stick to discussing non-cluster b issues as much as possible.

I can not and do not give professional advice because I am not a professional and in good conscience, I can't advise leaving one therapist without a direct plan on how and when to get another one ASAP. But I will say that specifically in relation to cluster b disorders, this therapist sounds like she will be more damaging than anything for that. That doesn't mean that she can't help with other conditions or stressors you're experiencing in the meantime, though!

Plain text below the cut:

Thank you, I do my best!

TW, all caps text in the response (not aggressive, in a surprised/reaction way)

I'm just... gonna liveblog my response to this bc I have so many feelings on this therapist already and I have barely read 1/4 of the ask yet.

Not being familiar with cluster b pds actually isn't always a bad thing. I will happily take unfamiliar over some of the so called specialists in that area who believe in "narc abuse" and the like. I generally recommend people who think/know they have ASPD to seek out therapists in the range of trauma specialists over cluster b specialists for that reason.

Ugh, I can't stand the "I don't like labels/diagnoses" therapists enough already when they're referring to new ones while in their care, but to say that to someone who is telling you about a dx they already have is a new low.

Not the Freud! Not the "present conscious"! Gross gross all around imo. If that works for some of you that is awesome but I can't stomach that kind of therapist just for me personally.

Reconstruction of repressed memories is tricky because if they don't handle that right it is a very sensitive moment for them to fuck up/say something shitty, so I personally prefer to let those bubble up naturally, but because I have DID (oh ya, that official dx happened btw) they are more likely to bubble up for me than for a singlet. It makes sense to me that singlets would want a therapist for that.

OH DEAR FUCK I DID NOT THINK IT COULD GET WORSE. Ok so unpacking that - pwASPD absolutely experience shame, which is extremely common in traumatized people of any variety. In fact, shame is a very common symptom of PTSD. Remorse and shame are not only not the same, but they are so far removed from each other than even most ableist prosocials know and admit that those two are not even in the same family.

The "you appear to be a nice lady" is the icing on the "Get the fuck rid of this therapist if you can" cake for me, because it reeks of ableism and sexism at the same time. AFABs often have their symptoms of ASPD ignored entirely or intentionally mis-attributed to autism or BPD because they just cannot fathom an AFAB not thinking like a lady. ASPD is demonized and AFABs are infantilized and their tiny prosocial brains blow up because those two cannot co-exist.

I, to be quite honest, would chuck her in the unfixable pile. I wish I could give you advice on this, but there is just too much ableism, sexism, and ignorance in how she reacted in just this single interaction you described for me to think she's salvagable. When it's one little thing you can sometimes teach them/get them to learn with you - even though that is literally the opposite of what therapy is supposed to be - and get something good out of it, but with all of this I think it presents a much larger risk to you to try.

If you can't switch any time soon, I would try and stick to discussing non-cluster b issues as much as possible.

I can not and do not give professional advice because I am not a professional and in good conscience, I can't advise leaving one therapist without a direct plan on how and when to get another one ASAP. But I will say that specifically in relation to cluster b disorders, this therapist sounds like she will be more damaging than anything for that. That doesn't mean that she can't help with other conditions or stressors you're experiencing in the meantime, though!

[purpurrock]

HELP. I went on r/fakedisordercringe bc i felt like blocking people and theres a post where the OP was asking if it's ableist to say/call people delusional and deadass said "delusional doesn't just mean someone who has delusions." Like I copy-pasted that so it's word for word. DO THEY EVEN HERE THEMSELVES LMAOO

[xobunnyfangsxo]

How is it 2022 and people still use “triggered” to mean upset or mildly distressed, like I thought we left that in 2015 since it’s horribly ableist to people with trauma

[histronic-gizmo]

Things people have said to me when I told them I'm a narcissist

"But you're so nice!"

"Are you sure? My abuser was a narcissist and you're not abusive!"

"Why didn't you tell me? You've been manipulating me"

"What, so you think you're better than me?"

"Don't lean into being self absorbed"

"I don't think I can be around a self admitted narcissist, they're the most abusive"

[antiendovents]

// fakeclaiming rant + ableism/sanism + caps + minor talk of stalking

Endos and singlets fakeclaiming other systems because of a high amount of comorbidies or even just a single stigmatized comorbid disorder piss me off so so so bad

They're a system, they have trauma, of course their brains are gonna react funky to that how the fuck do you think they became a system in the first place???

Why are you surprised when a system has ptsd, any cluster b disorder, other dissociative disorders, aspd, autism, adhd, etc etc etc

Especially because iirc autism and ADHD make you likely to develop MORE disorders from trauma!!

Don't even get me started on those who fakeclaim psychotic systems because they experience delusions, GO FUCK YOURSELF!!! LEARN HOW SCHIZOPHRENIA AND PSYCHOSIS WORK BEFORE YOU SPREAD YOUR UNEDUCATED BULLSHIT!!! PPL WITH PSYCHOSIS CAN BE COMORBID AND NOT BE AUTOMATICALLY FAKING IT.

There's also people who go "omg I wish I had your trauma!!" (usually in response to stalking, and usually romanticizing/sexualizing it) but if I start on that we'll here all day. Just going to leave it at this: one time we say someone call a fellow victim of stalking "lucky" for being stalked. For two years straight.

Endos and fakeclaimers go fuck yourself I'm sffr.

- 🍖🌾 (if I'm allowed to claim this)

oh, yeah this sucks. Fakeclaimers are the worst, having co-morbid disorders is common,, that's why they're co-morbid. Being a system and experiencing delusions or psychosis is valid and if anyone thinks otherwise I'd like them to leave this blog

And yeah,, that sucks. Don't sexualize or romanticise others trauma. If it's your own trauma then I guess it's fine?? I mean I won't judge people for how they cope though I'd prefer they keep it offline, but when it comes to other people please leave them alone :(

[zebulontheplanet]

Just a reminder that people who still live with their parents as adults deserve respect and for you to stop being ableist. There are multiple reasons someone could still live with their parents! From invisible to visible disabilities, finance issues, and more!

Stop using the “well they’re gonna turn into a creep living in their parents basement” punchline! It’s disgusting. STOP. BEING. ABLEIST. STOP. FORGETTING. THE. POOR.

[gutsygremlin]

I hate hate hate hate HATE that most of the time when I’m searching for info on autism the results always regard autistic children and are written by allistic adults for allistic parents who hate autistic children

Like I’m just going “hehe hey google do other autistic people sensory seek in carbonated drinks” and Google is like “DUMB STUPID LITTLE AUTISTIC BABIES REALLY LIKE DRINKING DUMB STUPID LITTLE AUTISTIC DRINKS LIKE SPRITE AND COKE BECAUSE THEY’RE DUMB STUPID LITTLE AUTISTIC BABIES!!!!!”

Best friend. The autistic kids you’re writing about so unkindly are going to become adults. And they’re going to be unhappy when they read that shit.

[chronicallycouchbound]

The narrative that “you should care about disabled people because one day that’ll be you” is ableist in and of itself.

You should care about disabled people’s rights because you should care about the disenfranchisement of a marginalized community.

Becoming disabled is not a punishment. Becoming disabled is not a threat. Becoming disabled is not cosmic retaliation for being ableist. Becoming disabled is morally neutral.

[thecorvidforest]

just a reminder that insulting the way people speak because it’s “weird” (i.e. too fast, too slow, too monotone, too animated, slurred, etc) is ableist. many of us with intellectual disabilities, developmental disorders, autism, traumatic brain injuries, physical disabilities, and other conditions speak “weird” because of our conditions.

i see posts all the time like “POV you’re talking to that person who talks like they’re in an anime” or “people who speak monotone are so creepy, they’re like robots” or “people who slur their speech gross me out”. it’s ableist and dehumanizing. insulting the way “certain people” speak may seem harmless on the surface but under the surface those “certain people” are almost always disabled, and these traits are just traits of our disabilities.

[one-time-i-dreamt]

I made a show that had a depiction of depression and how it would realistically effect characters but everyone kept commenting, "Why doesn't Layla have a 16 step skincare routine? This is bad women's representation. 😤"

[wxrmeaterz]

"The future is plural" movement from endos is CONCERNING

regardless of the fact they do not believe you require trauma to be a system (medically impossible) this proves they want to groom kids into identifying as endo and spread their medical misinformation further.

as well as causing real systems to believe they dont have it bad enough to be "traumagenic" (the only "genic you can be. this language is bullshit im just using these terms to explain their shit), preventing them from getting real help. they are WIDELY anti-recovery.

their misinformation has ALREADY endangered real systems medically as they have made professionals skeptical of a medically proven disorder, a disorder that is already very stigmatised.

outside of just endogenic misinformation, this statement leads to the idea that they want to traumatise kids to make more systems.

ENDOS ARE FUCKING DANGEROUS

[redtail-lol]

Also about npd: I used to watch psych2go and some of their videos about narcissists and one thing that makes p2g extra vile is that they acknowledge that pwNPD are suffering. They acknowledge that narcissists actually have struggles with their self esteem and rely on outside validation sometimes because they don't have a secure sense of self and can't feel like they're enough without being praised by outsiders. And yet they still vilify narcissists!! How can you acknowledge that narcissists do have a real disorder that causes distress to them but still treat them like they're just evil scary abusers?