#Tw verbal manipulation

[mushroom-for-art]

I am feeling WAYS that God damn Mightyena is gonna catch these HANDS

This is a situation that occurred in Rue au likely after "Cave In" but obviously before "And it all went wrong" or whatever I called my chapters, Rue Captain and that Mightyena belong to @blues-sues, enjoy!

You're lying

The security door slide open with a soft hissing, in the doorway the chimera Zoroark stood looking into the room face like always unreadable.

"Rue. Follow me." it was a simple demand and they had already started to walk away, Rue quickly scrambled to put the book back on its shelf and fly after her superior following them down the corridors thinking that she was sure they didn't have training today but perhaps plans had changed.

When they turned a corner to go a different route Rue felt her confusion grow but she didn't question silently floating after knowing better than to speak when not spoken to. They ascended up some stairs into an area she'd never been in before there was glass panels surrounding a dome like shape looking down and as Rue followed Captain to a humans side she cast a look down seeing from a different angle the very familiar battle arena, and, a very familiar two stood inside looking around, noticeably lacking her usual metal accessories.

The impatient huff made Rue realise she'd stopped to stare down into the arena quickly floating over and stopping respectfully, feet touching the floor looking at the human superior. They didn't regard her looking down into the battle arena.

"Where were you yesterday night Rue." Captain spoke simply, looking at Rue with a steady cold gaze.

"Yesterday, night? I was in my room after having gotten patched up from the scouting mission." The question baffled her slightly, where else would she have been at night but her own room? The only time she'd be elsewhere is if she was out on a mission or doing night training.

The human she didn't recognise brought a radio to their mouth, "release it into the arena." Rue felt her brows furrow daring to look away towards the glass down into the arena and feeling immediately her stomach drop.

Dark fur stood already bristled hackles raised as the Mightyena claws at the ground underneath it, gleaming white teeth catching the lights as May turned to look at them in confusion.

"Yesterday night the kitchen in sector b was ransacked, did you know that?" Rue blinked to look over at the human but quickly brought her eyes back not daring to let the Mightyena out her sight as it paced.

"No? I, thought I heard about something happening in passing but I didn't know exactly what happened." The hum from the human sent an uncomfortable twinge down her spine.

"Do you know where your friend had been yesterday night."

"Look at your superior when they're speaking to you Rue." Captains voice cut through her coldly as she was forced to look away looking towards Captain and the human superior.

"She was helping the other Grunts with the unloading and stock checking of supplies after we returned from our away mission under the order and watch of Admin Marigold, sir." Rue recalled how the Admin had hollered at and collared May for following Rue back to the building telling her to get back and make herself useful while Rue was taken to be patched up. She hadn't seen May since with their differing schedules.

The Superior blinked slowly letting out a soft hiss as he inhaled, "That's a shame Rue, May said the exact same thing, we were quite hoping you'd have had more sense." Rue felt confusion take over her senses as he lifted the radio to his mouth, "Begin."

Rues head whipped around at the immediate snarl just catching sight of the Mightyena lunging forward across the arena to attack with May stumbling and immediately trying to run to get away. Panic stress fear and confusion took over Rues senses.

"What's going on?! I told you what you wanted, why are you doing this?!" Rues hands came to the glass blood splattered from Mays tail as a sharp swipe caught her in passing as the beast leapt for her before quickly giving chase again upon landing.

"I hadn't realised she was so questioning." Rue didn't acknowledge them as the superior remarked to Captain in a disapproving tone.

"You shouldn't ask questions, Rue. You'll be told what you need to know when you need to know it." Rue had to bite back the apology on her tongue as Captain chastised her.

"Your little orange friend has access to the kitchen, we're aware that she's been using that to bring you food and drinks not authorized by your nutritionist, which goes against our order. We know she used that access so that you could both plunder the kitchen during the night, reducing our resources and leaving a mess." Rue did look away to stare at the superior open mouth in confusion and betrayal at the assumption they continued.

"Had you just admitted that rather than lying to protect yourself and your partner in the act we could've avoided all this." They lied simply with no sense of irony or hypocrisy, "but now we've had to take action to punish accordingly and teach you and the other mewtwo a lesson so that you don't repeat this."

"Thats, that's not fair!" Rue was surprised by her own voice but she continued, "we did not do what you're accusing us of! Ask Admin Marigold! Check the cameras! This isn't-!"

"Rue." Captains voice was a simple short snap and she felt all her confidence and words die in her throat as they looked at her and slowly slightly shook their head giving her a level disappointed gaze that almost shattered the rest of her esteem.

Mays screaming pulled her away from Captains glare blood was splattered across walls and the arena floor, sharp claws were slashing into the flesh of her tummy section over and over again as Mightyena pinned her by the tail under its back legs. Rues fists hit the glass without her even thinking about it.

"Get off her! Stop it!" Rues fists hit the glass again banging at it repeatedly, Mightyena looked up at the sound and although it couldn't see Rue through the tinted glass it still smirked raising a paw and placing it on Mays cheek pressing her face into the floor of the arena in an act of sheer degrading and dominance claws sinking into flesh. Rue hit the glass again and a crack began to form.

"That is enough!" Captain barked at her, pulling her away from the glass so she couldn't hit it by the wrist like a parent dragging their child. "You have embarrassed me enough Rue. Cease."

Hot shame prickled in Rues veins threateningly burning at her eyes at Captains words unable to meet their gaze as her arms and fists shook. Captain looked as though they would say more but stopped deciding to leave the weight of their words to eat away at Rue instead.

In the arena May attempted to shove the furred beast off of her struggling and kicking at the flooring beneath her trying to get leverage or summon any strength as she shoved an arm under the Mightyena one hand grabbing it's throat the other arm pressed against it's ribs as she gave a mighty shove to free herself. Before she could even get back up she yelled out in pain as it sank it's teeth into her arm and to her horror they began to shake their head ragging and rattling her like a ragdoll pulling on her arm as they snarled gleefully tongue licking over the bloody arm in its mouth as it yanked. Teeth crushing down cutting through skin muscle nerves, it stopped to adjust its grip to bite down again using it's back teeth to crush bone, it kept pulling and yanking as she continued to scream, intending to rip the whole arm out the socket.

Rue could feel herself shaking, every part of her brain screaming to move to do something to say something to stop this from happening, her eyes locked onto the horrific display below as the Mightyena attacked and ravaged her friend, one of the only other people who was ever really kind to her, who said that they liked her that she was a good friend, even though Rue knew she wasn't the strongest and therefore that couldn't have been right.

'Cease.' Captains voice echoed over and over in her head, 'That's enough," why? It wasn't fair, none of this was fair they didn't do it they weren't being given a fair chance May couldn't fight she was just getting hurt for something she never did, neither of them did, it wasn't right, it wasn't right! How much longer would they let this continue?? How long till they decided she'd suffered enough for a crime she never committed?!

Her whole body was shaking; she felt rooted to the spot in vines and she wanted to break free from them as they metaphorically bound her in place, squeezing her into obeying. Her mind came into focus once again as May let out a different strangled down, Rue watched her eyes go white and a small field of psychic energy form and knock the Mightyena backwards to the other side of the arena. She watched as the other with a trembling exhausted bleeding body stood up and realised quickly what caused that scream, her arm that was reduced to that stupid mutts chew toy was hanging limply from its socket dangling unnaturally in a way that made Rue feel sick.

The psychic throw hadn't been enough to deter the Mightyena, watching in growing horror it simply shook off the toss before in slow motion Rue watched it's claws sink into the flooring to propel and throw itself forward to resume the attack on her friend, if it got her arm again it could do irreversible damage and her superiors clearly weren't calling the battle off, how much more would she have to go through?! It might kill her, if not losing her arm would be an even worse sentence. The mental image burned into her mind of her friend missing her arm, can't carry a tray anymore, can't help with lifting, can't carry equipment, she'd become obsolete, they… Rue didn't even know what they'd do, but she knew she couldn't just stay there.

Invisible vines and roots snapping as Rue flew forward, psychic energy smashing the glass exploding it inwards towards the arena before she hit it and quickly shooting the glass shards towards the Mightyena, impaling the flooring and parts of its body as it snarled at Rue.

"That's enough, you're not hurting her anymore!" Rue found her voice and movement that had hidden from her once more, energy collecting in her palm she threw the dark energy at the snarling mutt. Captain hurried to the broken glass panel looking down into the arena in horror to how this defiance reflected back into them, horror turning quickly to rage as they glowered down at Rue fighting the Mightyena. If it took her other eye it would be deserved, they thought.

Behind them a grunt came up the stairs as Rue ducked and dodged and defended against the Mightyena, not allowing it the chance to continue its assault on her friend. The grunt came and muttered something as Rue's tail slammed into the Mightyena, sending it flying across the arena. It's laughter only caused Rues anger to boil.

"Two mewtwo to defeat in one day, maybe they'll see just how ordinary and unspecial you really are!" It snarled as it lunged forward for Rue energy forming on its fangs and claws before it's body turned red reducing to data back into a pokeball, adrenaline still ran through Rues body as she frantically looked around floating to her friends side as she looked up at the broken glass panel.

"Admin Marigold has confirmed your story, an unregistered Deino was also captured in sector b. You're free to go to medbay then to each of your rooms." Rue felt herself growing hot with anger feeling ready to explode, 'free to go to medbay?! Free to go?! No apology? Did they expect us to go to our rooms injured?!" Had it not been for Mays weak hand grabbing onto Rue for support as she stumbled forward she may have unleashed her temper upon the superior who spoke watching them casually unsympathetic and unapologetic.

Instead Rue could only bow her head, knowing her voice would betray her carefully pulling Mays good arm over her shoulders as she wrapped her arm around her to support her gently covering her body is psychic energy to float them both out the room, managing a whispery "it's okay I've got you," at the whimper her friend made. Would they have even stopped the fight had the grunt not come? When would there be enough blood?

Rues head was swimming as she floated them both to medbay, she didn't even realise tears of frustration and confusion were running down her face until she felt Mays hand awkward reach and brush her cheek from where it was around her shoulders.

"Dont cry, please don't cry Rue im okay," Rue could only stare at her bewildered as despite it all she smiled and tried to reassure her. What if she hadn't been okay? What if it didn't stop..

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

oh, and did i mention attempted murder?

as you can tell, i'm gonna be using this meme format a lot

[whump-queen]

whumper using victim blaming dialogue as a humiliation tactic—

“well I wouldn’t have done it if you didn’t make it so fucking easy.”

“if you weren’t so pretty when you begged and cried.”

“if you didn’t take abuse so well.”

“I just hit you and you whine like that— I mean, what am I supposed to think?”

“you know you deserve this.”

“go on, tell me you deserve it.”

“I want to hear you say it.”

and who knows— eventually, whumpee might start to believe they’re right

.

[shoutout to @unorganisedalienrubbish for coming up with like half of these]

[inkblot22]

Idia and the expression of displeasure

Uh, shoutout to that guy who I thought was my friend, asked me if I wanted to hook up despite being over 1000 some-odd miles away, despite me being very openly not that into men and, more importantly, telling him very clearly that I have no interest in dating him specifically. You're so cool for that, man. I just love to feel like an object. The "something about me" is the crippling c-PTSD, anxiety, and possible psychotic illness rotting my brain and your reading of me as a "Creepy Goth Chick", thank you.

Anyway, I hope I was able to direct that shitty man behavior onto our beloved Idia. I did tag you, it's later on and if you'd like me to remove it, I can absolutely do so, just let me know. Also all I can think about is this vine.

Dividers by @/cafekitsune

TW for verbal abuse, manipulation, emotional abuse, captivity, use of a shock collar, mention of physical abuse, Idia is an asshole, abusive relationship dynamics, lack of communication.

Idia is the type of person to believe he is pragmatic, when, in reality, he is rather mercurial. He will fly off the handle at the smallest thing but be completely unbothered by larger issues.

I imagine this could lead to a few problems for his dear, sweet partner. (By the way, I refer to Idia’s darling as his partner because that is what they have rationalized their situation to be, currently: they are Idia's captive partner. Idia doesn’t label them very often, and although he does call them his partner, he definitely sees them as an endearing pest, kind of. Despite them being there because of him, he often acts like they're a mouse or roach that popped up one day and he grew attached to.)

Idia is not the type to like striking or physically harming his partner. He’s the type to get rude and nasty, and play victim. This does not mean he doesn’t ever physically harm his partner.

See, that shock collar around their neck? We have previously established that this is connected to his technomantic energy, and his technomantic energy is connected to his inherent magic ability.

The collar is set up with a warning system. If Idia’s partner does anything he remotely dislikes or any set of pre-established actions that they are not made aware of, they will receive three low-voltage, quick-tap jolts of electricity right against the column of their pretty throat.

These actions include, but are not limited to: acting in any way to harm Ortho or Idia, attempting to harm themselves (this one had to be added after the hanger incident), walking too close to the door or the covered-up window, touching any of Idia’s current or past projects without permission, touching Idia’s gaming setup, ignoring Ortho (this only is put in place if Idia’s partner is hostile towards Ortho at any point, even just once) and refusing any food or drink given to them by Idia specifically. It's important to reiterate that Idia has not told his partner literally any of these rules. Much like the ways that some people train a dog, they have to learn the hard way.

After the three taps, Idia’s emotions and/or intentions dictate how intense the next shock is. Sometimes it’s a bored little zap, like a fourth warning to cut it out before he gets mad, sometimes it’s a rolling pulse that pulls them away from whatever they’re doing, sometimes it’s a tidal wave that literally brings them to their knees and makes them throw up. It really depends on the most annoying kidnapper in the world. 

Idia is very aware that holding this person hostage because of his own predilections and perversions is a wildly morally incorrect thing to do, but Idia also doesn’t give a steaming shit. He’s been given what he wants, having grown up as a member of the upper crust, and if he doesn’t get it given to him, he finds a way to get it.

This means that, as much as we all love him, Idia is a whiny pisslord. The second his partner doesn’t do what he wants, he’s grumbling about it, he’s whining, playing victim, getting huffy.

While that might not sound bad, please remember that Idia’s partner has a bunch of exposed wires situated with the intent of shocking them around their neck at all times, and the shock collar is connected to Idia’s emotions. While getting shocked in a more violent manner isn’t very common for them, it can still happen, and therefore it's possibly best to do a little eggshell walking.

Besides that, it’s not very pleasant to be around someone who is so volatile, even if at their most disappointed they just complain for a few hours or days. Having to deal with someone else’s displeasure in life while being more or less unable to discuss your own does not do wonders for your mental health.

Let’s go over some scenarios and the punishments connected to them.

Idia has been playing some online fighting game all day, pretty much ignoring his partner. He hears them move during a cooldown between matches, turns around in his chair, and asks demands that they come over and let him kiss them a little. Of course, Idia’s partner declines. In this situation, Idia would usually get upset and complain about it for a while, name calling included. His words and mood definitely have the vibe of, “How dare you breathe around me and then not let me touch and kiss you. That’s just leading me on, breathing around me.”

Idia’s partner made some cup noodles while Idia was taking a nap after he raged all night and well into the afternoon. He wakes up and sees them sitting in his gaming chair, facing away from his computer and eating. In this situation, Idia would straight up zap them for two reasons. Number one, they didn’t make him anything to eat, and number two, they’re not supposed to be sitting in his chair or at his desk. Anywhere near his computer/anything that could possibly be used to contact someone on the outside without supervision is a huge issue. Keep in mind that he never deigned to share this rather important rule with his partner.

Idia’s partner has a bad day and snaps at Ortho, shoving him away very, very gently. It almost goes without saying; they’re getting zapped to the point of unconsciousness, because Idia panics and then gets mad, in that order and in rapid succession. The emotions blend together for a moment which makes the jolt stronger. This is when the “no ignoring Ortho” rule would be implemented, because they’d better be really nice to Ortho for the next few months before Idia decides he can trust the two of them to interact without his watchful eye. He trusts his little brother, but he doesn’t trust his partner.

In honor of a certain discussion I had with @tht0nesimp (thank you so much, you're very insightful,) Idia’s partner has a meltdown (understandably) and starts throwing things, including a glass of water that was brought to them after they had a bit of a cry in the shower (stay hydrated, everyone.) The glass, still with the water in it, sails across the room and clocks Idia right in his pretty face, ideally breaking his nose. While it’d be understandable to assume that Idia would be mad enough to hit his partner with a jolt of electricity that would bring them to their knees, Idia is sensible enough to understand that this is a display of some form of hysterical emotions that his partner has been bottling up until this point. Therefore, instead of electrocuting his partner, he just starts complaining, more loudly than usual. It is not peculiar for his voice to rise in volume but not in inflection, we hear this in game, but imagine that just a bit louder and more whiny.

“Wow, and here I thought you were an adult. I can’t believe you can’t even control your emotions.”

“My nose hurts. No, don’t apologize. It’s your fault anyway. I don’t even want to know what you’d do if you were really mad.”

“If you want to make it up to me, you could- don’t make that face. Whatever, I knew you weren’t being serious. Whatever. Just ask Ortho to get me an ice pack and go sit somewhere away from me. It's fine. It's fine!”

[ravenzeppeli]

Claimed

Chapter 15 - The Incident Pt. 2 |La Squadra x Reader Angst|

Warning: strong language, extreme physical violence, violent threats, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, extremely dark chapter all throughout. MA.

Illusos POV

Illuso was pissed off, holding a bag of ice to his swollen jaw as he waited for Melone and Formaggio in the hospital waiting room, the small area completely empty. He walked around this entire fucking hospital to get privacy, he was so fucking pissed. The beating that he'll give you, it'll be severe. He could see it now, imagine it.

He was going to strip you naked and tie you to something, then he would whip your entire lower body with the thickest leather belt he had. He would take his time, making sure his hits weren't too severe so that he could beat you for hours. He would shove your underwear in your mouth and put a ball gag over your mouth. He would buy a shock wand and shock your entire body, putting the main focus on your clit.

Killing you.. he would never do that, despite those words coming out of his mouth. You humiliated him, saying he couldn't make you cum and that you would never love him. That shit.. it was personal, and you crossed a line. He was going go give you a good beating, he was going to break and train you, force you to behave. But killing you, oh what a waste that would be. He talks out his ass a lot when it comes to women.

Formaggio walked into the small, empty waiting room, his eye black and cheek bruised. "What the fuck are we gonna do with our girlfriend?" He questioned, tone serious. "She just disrespected us hard. Yeah, we had our fun, we got our dicks sucked, but she could have talked to us privately."

Illuso threw the ice bag on the ground, the ice scattering across the white tile hospital floor. "Let's make her fucking cry, let's make her cry and beg like a little pathetic girl." He looked down at the ground, shaking his head. "That bitch.. I swear on my life I wish she was standing in front of us."

"Do you love her for real, like she said?" He questioned, causing Illuso to shoot him a glare. "What? You know, I don't love her but I really like her. She sits and watches football with me. She even listens to me talk for fucking hours."

"I don't love her, she's just our fucking slut," he snapped back, but Formaggio could tell that he was lying. "So what if I love her? Fucks love gonna do? She clearly don't give a fuck about anyone but Melone. She ain't even here to check on any of us!"

"You really gonna kill her?" He questioned.

"No, I'm just gonna beat her until she cries," Illuso replied, causing Formaggio to shrug. "Fucks her problem? She's lucky that she has seven men fucking her and taking care of her. She has no right to question what the fuck we do."

Formaggio nodded, "Exactly. She needs to learn how to stay in a woman's place. I knew something was wrong with her, I knew that she was a crazy bitch." He sighed, "will we even get to punish her? I doubt she'll approach us, she's not that bold. Women are fucking pussies. That's why they got um."

"We'll just have to drag her," Illuso suddenly stopped, standing up as he walked to the edge of the wait room entrance, his eyes slightly widening in shock. He couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe that you were actually here, that you actually showed up. "Holy shit. Look."

"His name is Illuso! I know you've seen him, yes I am immediate family of him too!" You snapped at the nurse, the nurse seeming scared of you, stepping back as she clutched her papers. "Listen, I need to hurry. I got this boyfriend with blue hair that's about to bust in here and go crazy. I gotta hurry. He's fast!"

Formaggio walked out of the private waiting area, walking over to you, grabbing your hand. "Thank you for helping her, I'll take it from here." He let go of your hand, reaching in his pocket and pulling out his wallet. "Point me in the direction of the private storage closet and give me your keys. I'll give you 800 now."

The nurse took the bribe, taking the money and pointing left as she handed Formaggio a key. Illuso stepped out of the office as he saw Formaggio walk with you, his hand suddenly grasping yours.

"Girl, you're in so much trouble," Formaggio whispered, his grip on your hand iron. "What the fuck are you doing here?" He turned left, the hallway empty as Formaggio quickly unlocked the storage closet, pushing you in.

"I wanted to see if you and Melone were okay," you said, a low whine escaping your lips when Formaggios hand suddenly crashed into your ass.

Illuso walked over to you, a smirk appearing on his face when you backed away, your back hitting the wall. The closet was small and dimlit, leaving you no room to run away from him. "Turn around." He began to unbuckle his belt. "Wanna act like a little girl? That's fine by us, I can spank you every single day. I'm glad I wore my thickest best today."

"Guys, I'm really sorry I overreacted," you said softly, not turning around like he said. "Please don't spank me in public. You.. you both did something wrong first! This isn't fair! You cheated on me, having ransom women suck you off! What if I paid men to eat me out!?"

Illuso laughed mockingly, "you wanna pay men to eat you out? Do it. That just means you'll be responsible for me killing those men."

Suddenly, Formaggio grabbed your arm, pulling your arm up to reveal a large white bandage. "What the fuck is this? I was wondering why you were hiding this arm from me. What the fuck is it? Melone mentioned you got injured."

You suddenly grew silent, causing Illuso to freeze, keeping his hands on his unfastened belt, waiting to pull it out, but something about that bandage.. it made him wonder what happened. Melone wouldn't tell him or Formaggio in the car, barely speaking to the two of them. They didn't know what you did, but Illuso assumed you just punched a wall or something.

"Did you try and fucking kill yourself?" Questioned Formaggio, his grip on your wrist growing iron. His eyes.. they flashed danger, a danger that even made Illuso feel slightly uneasy. "I'll fucking ask Prosciutto if you don't tell me."

"I just.. I panicked," you muttered, causing Formaggio to grab your index finger, bending it back instantly, his other hand smashing against your mouth, forcing it shut. He grabbed your middle finger, doing the same. You were trying to break free, his body pressing against yours, blocking Illusos' view.

"You listen to me Y/N," Formaggio spoke, his voice a whisper, "Don't you ever fucking self harm yourself again. If you ever do this again, if you ever try and take your own life, I swear on my mother that I'll break more then just your fingers. How dare you attempt to take your life."

Illuso stepped back slightly, buckling his belt back up. No way in fuck could he beat you with two broken fingers. Fuck.. he felt sick seeing your fingers like that. He wanted to pull Formaggio away from you, but he just stood their, staring at your awkwardly bent fingers.

Formaggio lifted his hand from your mouth, spinning you around yet again, slightly bending you over. "Do what needs to be done, Illuso. We gotta teach her. You said it yourself."

He stiffened up as his eyes kept drifing to your two fingers that were bent back awkwardly and bright red, low sobs escaping your mouth. Your entire body was visibly shaking as Formaggio held you in place, letting go of your hand that now had two broken fingers. The fact that your sobs weren't louder was slightly impressive. Finger breaking was a tactic they used at work, and men have mentally broken down from having their fingers snapped. This wasn't the right thing to do to you.

"Why the fuck are you hesitating? Hurry up and smack her." He went to pull down your pants, Illuso stopping him. "What? We haven't made her cry and beg yet, she needs to learn her lesson now."

"I'm sorry," you muttered, voice weak, the pain in your voice making him start to feel bad. "I.. don't care about you fucking other women, just keep Melone out of it. And don't kiss me. Or go near me without a condom. Ever."

Formaggio smacked you upside the head roughly with his palm, causing you to nearly fall onto the floor, Illuso reaching out to grasp your arm, yanking you back. "Nah, we ain't touching other women anymore. We're only touching you now, princess." His tone was taunting, causing your shaking body to visibly stiffen.

As he went to speak again, your head dropped, you clutching your stomach as you slightly bent over. You threw up all over the ground, coating the white tiles. You leaned against the wall, low sobs escaping your mouth. "I hate you," you whispered. "I fucking hate you."

Formaggio raised his hand again, Illuso pushing him back. "Fuck it.. let's just go. Let's just leave her here and go. We never saw her unless she -" Illuso began, Formaggio quickly interrupting him.

"Run your fucking mouth about us if you want us to teach you a lesson at my house. Where my sex toys are. Where my walls are fucking soundproof," Formaggio warned. "We own you, you're our girl. I hope you learned your fucking lesson." He turned away, opening the storage walking out.

Illuso looked down at you, a strong feeling of guilt washing over him as he looked down at you. He just wanted to smack you around. He didn't want to break your fingers or cause you to throw up all over yourself. This wasn't right. What they just did to you was terrible. Despite all that, he left without saying nothing, turning off the lights and softly closing the door.

Formaggio went to lock you in, but Illuso stopped him, snatching the keys out of his hand. "Yeah, locking her in might be too far."

"I think everything we just did to her was too fucking far," he replied back, shaking his head as he followed Formaggio back to the waiting area. "We might of fucked up pretty bad. That beating was -"

"She slit her wrists, man," Formaggio replied, his tone serious. "She can't do that. She can't try and kill herself, not after we've invested time into her. We didn't beat her. We just disciplined her. You didn't even hit her, I did. Don't worry."

"We left her in that closet, and I turned the light off. She's covered in her own vomit Formaggio." He shook his head, the feeling of guilt suddenly growing deeper. "We gotta go back and get her. We can't leave her hurt. Her fingers are broken." He went to walk back towards the hallway, only to be stopped by Ghiaccio, his face beet red.

"Where is she!? Have you fucking seen Y/N!?" Ghiaccio snapped, frantically looking around the hospital. "Fuck, I called Risotto and he doesn't know! She snuck off and left! She begged me to come up here, she was rambling about having to pay off the doctors or something but I said no! Can you believe she ignored my no!?"

Illuso turned away from Ghiaccio, looking at Formaggio, not knowing what to say. He didn't want the ohers to know what him and Formaggio did to you. "She begged to come up here?"

"Yes! She kept saying she wanted to apologize for hitting Formaggio and that she wanted to check on all three of you! I said no, I said you both may really hurt her, and she told me that Formaggio is someone she trusts and that he would never hurt her," Ghiaccio said, voice frantic. "She kept saying that she overreacted because she felt hurt, that she didn't understand why she couldn't seem to please anyone. She was saying weird shit. She never talks like that. I need to find her."

"We haven't seen her," Formaggio spoke quickly. "But we'll start looking now."

Ghiaccio nodded, too focused on finding you to notice how suspicious Formaggio and him were acting. "I'm going to check outside again," he mutteted, walking out the back door of the hospital. "Y/N! I AM NOT MAD, PLEASE COME OUT! I AM WORRIED!"

"Alright, I think we should go get her and clean her up," Formaggio muttered, shaking his head. "Fuck, she said she trusts me? That she wanted to say sorry? That I would never hurt her? Fuck." He placed his hand over his face. "Now I feel bad. Should we swing by the gift shop? Does she like chocolate?"

Illuso shook his head, heading in the direction of the storage closet. He walked uo to the door, opening it slowly. He flipped the light on and peeked in, seeing a fresh pile of throw up next to the door. Where you sat cowering in the corner was empty, only dried throw up being left behind on the floor. Instant worry shot throughout his body as he stepped back, staring into the empty closet. You were gone, rather you got up and left or someone found you.. he was unsure.

[bleach-your-panties]

💔♡☠︎  M̸H̸A̸ 𝕭𝖆𝖉 𝕭𝖔𝖞𝖋𝖗𝖎𝖊𝖓𝖉𝖘☠︎♡💔

💔𝖇𝖞 @𝓫𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓬𝓱-𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓻-𝓹𝓪𝓷𝓽𝓲𝓮𝓼

RELEASE DATE: October 1st, 2023

RELEASE SCHEDULE: Every Sunday, Friday, and Saturday in October, alongside Kinktober 2023. Multiple uploads on a single day will be HIGHLY possible, as well as extension into November.

Inspired by: haikyuu!! bad boyfriends: the series, by @martellprincess-writes

series theme: bad - wale ft. tiara thomas

others:    bad romance - lady gaga

             the hills - the weeknd 

        wicked games - the weeknd

 memories back then - t.i. ft.  b.o.b and kendrick lamar

—--

Is it bad, that, I never made love? 

No, I never did it, but I sure know how to fuck

—--

Author's Note: As someone who has been in two different abusive relationships, I feel like I can provide an in-depth perspective on different types of traits that I saw and experienced from the people that I was in these relationships with. This series is MEANT to be triggering, but also to be entertaining and most importantly, informational about what to be wary of while dating or pursuing a potential partner. In no way do I condone or support any of the actions taken by the characters, and in some instances, by Reader-chan. You will most likely get triggered while reading this, as will I while writing it. Still, I come to you as an advocate and as a survivor, to show that you CAN break free from the toxic cycle of abuse. You are beautiful and you are strong. I love you all and thank you for your continued support on this platform. 

Warnings: 21+ DARK CONTENT WARNING. MDNI. Female reader unless otherwise stated. This series will contain dark content, explicit sexual content, as well as toxic relationships written in-depth. There will be all types of abuse written explicitly in this series, as well as other extremely triggering subjects. Reader discretion is STRONGLY advised. No one under 18 should be on my page anyway, but if you are under 18, exit this post NOW. If you message me complaints about something I warned you about beforehand, you will be blocked. Also, don't message me about misrepresenting your favs. This is not meant to show them in a positive light. Thank you.

*Completed/uploaded fics will be highlighted in purple.

—--------

I can't promise that I'll be good to you

Because I had some issues

I won't commit

No, not having it

But at least I can admit

That I'll be bad, no, to you (to you)

Yeah, I'll be good in bed, but I'll be bad to you

—--------

💟🔏Masterlist'̸Schedule☣️💟:

💔10.01: Y̶o̶ S̶h̶i̶n̶d̶o̶u̶ -̶ ⒯⒣⒠ ⒫⒜⒯⒣⒪⒧⒪⒢⒤⒞⒜⒧ ⒧⒤⒜⒭

🖤10.06: T̶o̶u̶y̶a̶ T̶o̶d̶o̶r̶o̶k̶i̶ _-̶⒯⒣⒠⒡⒤⒩⒜⒩⒞⒤⒜⒧⒜⒝⒰⒮⒠⒭

💔10.07: T̶e̶n̶y̶a̶ I̶i̶d̶a̶ -̶ ⒯⒣⒠⒞⒪⒩⒯⒭⒪⒧⒧⒤⒩⒢⒪⒩⒠

🖤10.08: E̶i̶i̶j̶i̶r̶o̶u̶ K̶i̶r̶i̶s̶h̶i̶m̶a̶ -̶ ⒯⒣⒠⒯⒲⒪-⒡⒜⒞⒠⒟⒪⒩⒠

💔10.13⭐️: S̶e̶i̶j̶i̶ S̶h̶i̶s̶h̶i̶k̶u̶r̶a̶ -̶⒯⒣⒠⒢⒜⒮⒧⒤⒢⒣⒯⒠⒭,

K̶a̶t̶s̶u̶k̶i̶ B̶a̶k̶u̶g̶o̶u̶ -̶

⒯⒣⒠⒞⒪⒨⒫⒠⒯⒤⒯⒪⒭

🖤10.14: S̶en̶ K̶a̶i̶b̶a̶r̶a̶ -̶ ⒯⒣⒠⒨⒜⒩⒤⒫⒰⒧⒜⒯⒪⒭

💔10.15: I̶n̶a̶s̶a̶ Y̶o̶a̶r̶a̶s̶h̶i̶ -̶ ⒯⒣⒠⒨⒤⒮⒪⒢⒴⒩⒤⒮⒯⒤⒞⒪⒩⒠

🖤10.20: T̶e̶t̶s̶u̶t̶e̶t̶s̶u̶ T̶e̶t̶s̶u̶t̶e̶t̶s̶u̶ -̶ ⒯⒣⒠⒣⒴⒫⒠⒭⒮⒠⒳⒰⒜⒧⒪⒩⒠

💔10.21: S̶h̶i̶h̶a̶i̶ K̶u̶r̶o̶i̶r̶o̶ -̶ ⒯⒣⒠⒲⒠⒜⒦-⒨⒤⒩⒟⒠⒟⒪⒩⒠

🖤10.22: S̶h̶o̶t̶o̶ T̶o̶d̶o̶r̶o̶k̶i̶ -̶ ⒯⒣⒠⒰⒩⒨⒪⒯⒤⒱⒜⒯⒠⒟⒪⒩⒠

💔10.27: H̶i̶r̶y̶u̶u̶ R̶i̶n̶ -̶⒯⒣⒠⒝⒠⒧⒤⒯⒯⒧⒠⒭

🖤10.28: F̶u̶m̶i̶k̶a̶g̶e̶ T̶o̶k̶o̶y̶a̶m̶i̶ -̶⒯⒣⒠⒤⒩⒮⒠⒞⒰⒭⒠⒪⒩⒠

💔10.29: H̶i̶t̶o̶s̶h̶i̶ S̶h̶i̶n̶s̶o̶u̶ -̶⒯⒣⒠⒰⒩⒟⒠⒭⒞⒪⒱⒠⒭⒧⒪⒱⒠⒭

🖤10.31⭐️: Y̶o̶s̶e̶t̶s̶u̶ A̶w̶a̶s̶e̶ -⒯⒣⒠⒧⒠⒠⒞⒣, I̶t̶e̶j̶i̶r̶o̶ T̶o̶t̶e̶k̶i̶ -̶ ⒯⒣⒠⒰⒩⒮⒰⒫⒫⒪⒭⒯⒤⒱⒠⒪⒩⒠

💔11.05: H̶a̶n̶t̶a̶ S̶e̶r̶o̶ -̶⒯⒣⒠⒩⒪⒩⒞⒪⒨⒤⒯⒯⒜⒧⒪⒩⒠

🖤11.10: M̶e̶z̶o̶u̶ S̶h̶o̶j̶i̶-̶ ⒯⒣⒠⒞⒧⒜⒮⒮⒤⒞⒜⒝⒰⒮⒠⒭

💔11.11: M̶a̶s̶h̶i̶r̶a̶o̶ O̶j̶i̶r̶o̶ -̶ ⒯⒣⒠⒭⒜⒢⒠⒭

🖤11.12: T̶a̶m̶a̶k̶i̶ A̶m̶a̶j̶i̶k̶i̶ -̶ ⒯⒣⒠⒯⒜⒦⒠⒩⒪⒩⒠

💔11.17: M̶i̶r̶i̶o̶ T̶o̶g̶a̶t̶a̶ -̶ ⒯⒣⒠⒩⒜⒭⒞⒤⒮⒮⒤⒮⒯

🖤11.18: K̶o̶s̶e̶i̶ T̶s̶u̶b̶u̶r̶a̶b̶a̶ -̶ ⒯⒣⒠⒠⒡⒡⒠⒨⒤⒩⒜⒯⒠⒪⒩⒠

[sortofanobsession]

To Cry for the Moon Part 13 (Moon Knight x Female Eternal!Reader)

Author's note: This is the longest part so far but I think you will like it. @jupitersmoon167 did and she started the whole thing! So I hope you all enjoy it. There will be a few more parts, so don't think it is over just yet. Stay tuned.

Please do not take, copy, or translate without talking to me first. Reblogs, likes, and comments are encouraged. But anything else please message me first.

Y/N = Your Name. Y/N/N = Your Nickname. Reader pronouns She/Her. Story is 3rd person POV. 

Italic text is the reflected alter talking. Bold Italic text is sign language for Makkari.

Tag Requests are Open just message me.

Tagged: @rosaren2498, @yuugenmomo, @faefanatic,  @urlocallsimp  @assassinsasha23, @queenariesofnarnia, @rmoonstoner,  @crypticruler, @animelover18, @philiasoul, @distinguishedmakerpandapatrol, @22carolina08, @preciousbabypeter, @sleepyamaya, @so-done-with-bullshit

Primary Pairing: Steven Grant x Eternal!Reader, Marc Spector x Eternal!Reader, Khonshu x Ma'at!Reader

Content Warning: Mental Illness, Manipulation, Mind control, Death, Violence, Verbal Fighting, Physical Violence, Anger.

Word Count: 4K+

WIP Series Masterlist

Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 14

Part 13: The Battle Begins

Temple of the Gods

The gods had pinpointed the emergence point as soon as the volcano began to rumble. The eye of Horus could see all, making it easy.

"You look better than ever," Osiris told Y/N. Instead of her usual armor, since she hadn't been wearing it when she died, the gods had granted her a brand new set.

"You just want me to show off for you," Y/N grins. She runs her finger along the feather of truth as it is secured in a band around her head, as it often was before they created the scales. "But the feather's a nice touch."

“You are whole again, Ma’at,” Osiris tells her. “And use it to punish those who would condemn so many innocent souls. Show them we gods are not to be underestimated.”

“Oh, I will,” Y/N nods. 

Aboard the Domo

Sersi had given Marc and Layla all the details she knew about everything they might be facing as the Eternals get their armor and the UniMind bracelets set. She also tells them as much as she can about Ikaris and his fighting style. Marc had seen it in action once. Thena told them what she knew as well. Druig told them the easiest ways to get Ikaris angry. Only after everyone was suited up did they split into two groups. Sersi, Druig, and Makkari would head to the exact point of emergence and put Tiamut to sleep. Phastos stays to pilot the Domo. Thena would wait at the entrance of the Domo for Ikaris. Marc and Layla would too, but they would stick to the shadows until after the fight began. They were to keep Ikaris distracted at the Domo for as long as possible. 

It didn’t take long for Ikaris to show up.

“Where’s Druig?” Ikaris asks. 

“He’s busy,” Thena replies, her blade appearing as she does. 

“Thena, play nice,” Ikaris warns. “You’ve never had to fight me.” He takes hold of the blade as she swings it. 

“But I’ve always wanted to,” Thena says, transforming the blade into an ax to knock his grip loose and back into a sword. She summons her shield, and the two begin to fight. She uses her powers as a shield to block Ikaris’ eye beams. When it seems Ikaris is getting the upper hand, the Moon Knight begins to attack—throwing crescent dart after crescent dart to get Ikaris’ attention off of Thena. Scarlet Scarab makes her way towards the entrance of the Domo, joining in only as it becomes a more hand-to-hand fight.

When none of the other Eternals show up to fight him, and Thena’s armor begins to glow, signaling the use of the UniMind, does Ikaris realize he is wasting time and outnumbered. He resorts to using his eye beams to force them to shield themselves, putting enough space between them that he can get away. He flies from the Domo. Moon Knight and Scarlet Scarab follow suit. Unfortunately, Thena’s connection shows him exactly where the others are, and right as Druig begins to use his powers, Ikaris shoots him down with his eye beams. There are little the others can do as Ikaris flies Druig up and throws him full force down to Earth. Ikaris then uses his eye beams to force Druig deep into the ground. Plan A has failed.  

Makkari lets out a heartbreaking wail. 

Ikaris then turns his attention to the Domo and uses his eye beams to send it crashing towards the others. Makkari has just enough time to get Sersi out of the way before the Domo crashes. She then goes to retrieve Thena and Phastos from the downed ship. Moon Knight and Scarlet Scarab keep Ikaris occupied as she does.

“Funny, Moon Knight, whatever god gave your ex those wings ripped her technique straight from Y/N’s playbook. No wonder you went back to her so soon after Y/N’s death. Who knew gods were so replaceable,” Ikaris taunts. Again, he uses his eye beams to force them back. He turns his attention back to the other Eternals.

“Druig’s gone,” Ikaris says as he hovers just above the ground, “It’s over.”

Makkari takes advantage of him being at their level and takes out her pain and anger at having watched Druig taken down in an unrelenting attack using her speed to pummel Ikaris. The pair of avatars are awestruck. The speed and force makes them realize Makkari had truly taken it easy on them in Egypt. Makkari could have easily hurt them, but as angry as she was at Marc for breaking Y/N’s heart, her heart was shattered now. Makkari had lost both Y/N and Druig. It filled her with rage and made her virtually unstoppable, especially given that her speed gives her the advantage of avoiding most of the beams from Ikaris’ eyes. As the volcano begins to erupt they all begin having to dodge lava bombs and debris. The try to refocus as best they can. Sersi decides she has to stop the emergence while the others keep Ikaris out of the way. It’s not until Ikaris manages to catch Makkari in the chest with his hand and get a hand around her throat does he get the upper hand. He hits her square in the chest with an eye beam sending her onto her back across the sand. They miss the way Sprite tricks and stabs Sersi. They also fail to notice Druig take Sprite out with a rock and tell Sersi that it is her fight now. The others begin a full assault on Ikaris. Crescent darts, energy blasts, and every projectile the group can summon are sent at Ikaris. They fail to notice Kro emerging from the water intent on revenge. Makkari gets back on her feet to help. They seem to have the advantage until Kro attacks Ikaris. The evolved deviant quickly draws the attention and anger of Thena and Moon Knight. Pastos reminds them that they can’t let Kro absorb any of their powers, even Ikaris’. They all turn their focus on Kro. The onslaught overpowers him and Kro is thrown into a cave. Thena is right behind him. Marc goes to follow but is slowed by Layla. 

“Do you really think Y/N would want you to pick fighting that monster over finishing her mission?” Layla asks. 

“Killing that thing is my mission,” Marc tells her. “Help me or don’t. I’m going in there.” Marc makes his way into the cave. Layla begrudgingly follows. The Moon Knight mask gives Marc an advantage in the dark. He sticks to the shadows, Layla close behind him. 

Temple of the Gods

"Show them who you really are," Osiris says as the path before her opens to the emergence point. Y/N spins the glowing dagger in her grip and nods before taking a running leap and taking to the sky.

Point of Emergence

 Again, Ikaris realizes they aren’t all there. He notices Sersi isn’t with them. He goes to find her, but is stopped in his tracks by an unexpected round of projectiles. He turns to see Y/N clad in golden Egyptian armor. Wings glowing as she watches him. The shocked look on his face made her grin. 

"You underestimate the gods, Ikaris. You always have," she says, gripping her daggers tight. "Such a pity you never had much faith outside your mission." She sent another wave at him, but he dodged it. "I don't need to feel your heart to condemn you. You never loved humanity. It was always just the mission. No wonder you forgot how to love." His anger hits her in the form of his eye beams in the side. Her new armor was helpful, but she didn't know how long it would hold. He tries to take advantage of her being hit to go stop Sersi, but Phastos traps him midair and drags him to the ground using several anchor points.  

The new arrival and fight on the beach remain unnoticed by the group in the cave. Layla and Marc join the fight to help Thena when combat begins. The avatars’ attacks are mostly fended off by Kro’s tentacles and the occasional hit or kick. The pair are hesitant to do much else to keep from harming Thena. They attack full force when the evolved deviant begins to drain her powers. Thena manages to summon blades into her bound hands and uses them to sever the deviants tentacles before attacking Kro’s head and face, killing him. Thena and Marc take satisfaction in watching the glowing remains of the slain deviant fall to the ground.  

As Sersi begins to transform Tiamut, Ikaris manages to break free of the trap Phastos had kept him in and goes after Sersi. But Sersi having touched Tiamut makes a connection with the celestial that causes the armor of all the Eternals to glow, not just those with the UniMind bracelets. Even Y/N can feel it. They all are connected to Tiamut. It gives Sersi the power she needs to transform Tiamut. The celestial’s partially exposed head and hand have risen out of the water, but where the celestial’s gold once was is replaced by stone. An unearthly noise can be heard, as Tiamut’s glowing eyes go dark and the massive figure turns to stone, its movement ceasing. The Earth stops shaking as the emergence has officially been stopped. Sersi did it. Tiamut is dead. The planet is saved. They won.

The others can’t see Ikaris crying and apologizing to Sersi, but they do see him fly off into the sky.

As soon as Y/N feet touch the sand, Makkari speeds over and pulls her into a hug. Makkari's hands go to Y/N face before she pulls away.

"You're here. I can't believe you are here. I missed you so much, and they said you were dead, and I couldn't-”

"Kari," Y/N laughs, holding Makkari's hands in her own for a moment before she pulls away to sign. "You are going too fast. I missed you too. Heard you have some precious artifacts that some humans couldn't be trusted with. You'll have to show me."

"I have so many for you," Makkari smiles, but it turns sad when she remembers what happened to Druig. Y/N hugs her and smiles against Makkari’s shoulder when she sees Sersi returning with Druig and Sprite.

She knows when Makkari feels them approaching by the shift in her grip. Y/N carefully extracts herself from Makkari’s grip and smiles. “Go,” Y/N signs. Makkari hurries over to Druig. Their reunion is almost too adorable to watch. 

Sersi comes over, and despite the pain in her side, she pulls Y/N into a hug. "You really are here. I was worried it was just an illusion," Sersi says when she pulls back to grip Y/N's face like she had before she died. "What happened? We couldn't find you."

"Hey, don't I get a hug?" Druig says as he and Makkari join them. 

"Of course," Y/N moves from Sersi to hug Druig. Groaning and wincing at the pain in her side. 

"That bastard got you good too, yeah?" Druig asks.

“Yeah, got me in the same spot the deviant did. I don’t know if he was trying to or if it was dumb luck, but he did.” And before Druig can even look at it, Makkari is already shifting Y/N's armor to get a look. Makkari's eyes go wide, and she disappears only to reappear with something Y/N can barely see, and in rapid-fire succession, she feels the armor give way, the wound wrapped and armor replaced.

"Wow, Thanks, Makkari," Y/N signs. Makkari dusts her hands off and seems proud of her work. 

"Better?" Druig asks.

"Much," she says, hugging him again and pulling Makkari in too, earning a few laughs.

"So, do I get my answer now?" Sersi asks. Y/N pulled away, but Makkari drapes her arm around her shoulders, and her hand falls to feel the vibrating beat of Y/N’s heart. She pulls Druig in and does the same. Y/N grins but turns her head to answer Sersi. She was sure they all wanted to know.

"The eye of Horus sees all, everything under the sun and moon. The gods had been set to keep an extra close eye on everything. With the emergence, the Ennead was on high alert. Horus was watching, and Osiris used the feather of truth," Y/N answers. She gestures at the feather in her headband. "It's connected to me, and the god of the Dead knew something was very wrong when the scales began to fail. So instead of just letting whatever happens when we die happen, they stepped in. He used what was still there to bring me back. Granted, he needed help. Anubis always had a role in the transition between worlds, so they patched me up and returned what power the feather still had to me. Took a bit to recover. And we decided not to risk me only having partial powers, so they decided a little touch of my old style was needed. Full power helped get me here in time to help. Though I'm sure you'd have pulled it off without me."

"But we didn't need to," Sersi says. “You’re here.”

"True," she laughs but groans again at the pain. Makkari goes to move, but Y/N puts her hand over hers and squeezes it. 

"You good?" Phastos asks. "Took a few nasty hits, and your armor is a bit…"

"Archaic? Ancient?" Y/N grins. 

"I was going to say it’s not yours, but that works too."

"Not like I could make a stop at the Domo and change. Time was already a bit limited. And I couldn't let you all save the world without me. I have people I care about here too." 

Sersi sees movement behind the others. She was happy to see the trio survived the battle with Kro. She also realized that Y/N had no idea the gods’ avatars were there, and she might not be happy about it. 

"What? What's happening?" Y/N saw the shift in Sersi's features.

"Just don't be mad at me, okay?" Sersi says and points past them. Y/N turns around and cannot believe what she is seeing.

"Marc?" Y/N says as she sees Thena leading Moon Knight and another armor-clad individual towards the group. "MARC!" 

Marc's pretty sure his heart stops when he hears his name called by a voice he thought he'd never hear again.

"Y/N/N?" He is almost scared to ask. He looks back at Layla to make sure he hasn't lost his mind completely. 

"What the hell are you looking at me for?" Layla tells him. "GO!"

Marc takes off in a sprint. Y/N does the same. They practically crash into a desperate bone-crushing hug. Marc pulls back to get a look at her. 

"What are you doing here?" She asks, Sersi's request suddenly makes a lot more sense, and she feels a bit angry at her family for letting them join in on the fight.

"What I should have done in London, helping kill that deviant,” Marc states.

"But-" 

"They took you from us, did you really think-" but he was cut off as she felt him shift and the familiar feeling of Steven's heart beat before her. She smiles as he grips her face. "You're really here. We haven't died again."

Y/N let out a laugh, ignoring the twinge of pain in her side. "I'm here, Steven," she says as she grips his hands. 

"How?" He asks and then takes in her armor. "What are you wearing? Is that-" he is cut off by another laugh. He lets that sound settle deep in his heart and soul. He had missed it.

"The gods. Osiris used the feather of truth to bring me back. It was in the underworld, so it was too far away for me to draw enough power off to help me during the fight. It meant I was a bit weaker, but it also meant when my family thought I was gone for good, the avatars of Osiris and Anubis took me back to the temple and brought me back. Horus' avatar told me I had to focus on healing and wasn't allowed to call anyone. He didn't want them, or you, to have to suffer me possibly dying again. But I'm here. I made it and managed to stab that backstabber Ikaris. But you know if Khonshu had asked Osiris, he would have told him. Even…" She looked at Layla and the armor clicked. "Even Taweret knew." She looked at him, confused. "Steven is…that's Taweret's avatar. I recognize the armor." Steven looked between Y/N and Layla. He shook his head before leaning in and giving Y/N a kiss. He pulled away with some regret. He muttered to Marc, "Sorry, mate. This one is on you." 

Y/N looks confused again when they shift, and Marc is back. "Yes, it is, and that's Layla." He knew better than to lie. He'd learned that lesson. 

"Layla, as in your ex-wife, Layla?" Y/N goes to take a step back, but he just holds her tighter. 

"She insisted on coming to keep me from doing anything stupid like getting myself killed again trying to avenge you. I told you, she and I split on good terms. The initial split wasn't, but we worked it out over saving the world from Ammit. And she watched me die then, but Osiris, Taweret, and Khonshu brought me back. And she became Taweret's avatar."

"Marc I don't…"

"She knows I love you. She knows Steven does too. She's been keeping me busy with missions and telling me I'm not allowed to just self-destruct because that would have pissed you off. She didn't know you, but she knew how we were with you. She-"

He was cut off by her lips meeting his, and he practically melted into it. 

"I love you too," Y/N says against his lips, "Both of you."

Marc let out a breathy laugh. "I know. Dane only shouted it at us loudly in our flat, and Sersi kept saying it, but we never thought we'd get to hear you say or that we would get to say it to you." 

"Well, you did,” she smiles. “And I will say it every day, for as long as we have."

"You aren't the only one." He kissed her this time. A day or two ago he didn't think he'd get the chance to do this again, so he wasn't going to waste it. He pulled her closer with an arm around her waist. Unfortunately, it put pressure on the spot that Ikaris had hit her. She let out a hiss of pain against his lips.

"What? What happened? Are you hurt?" Marc finally asks. And puts enough space between them that he could look her over. "Shit," he says when he sees the scorched and dented armor.

"It's fine," she says, trying to redirect his gaze back up to her face.

"It really isn't," he says as he tries to get a better look. He starts to move the armor aside, and when that didn't work, he tried to remove it, but she swats his hands away. 

"It really is, for two reasons. One, Makkari already patched me up. She is much faster than you. Two, You do not get to undress me in front of my family and your ex-wife. Not happening."

"But Makkari can?" He questioned with a smirk.

"She is a literal blur when she moves. Druig was there, and even he didn't see anything. I barely saw anything." 

"Why do I feel like I should be worried about how close you guys are."

"Says the guy running around a tropical island with his ex-wife."

"That's fair," he laughs.

"And once we get back to the Domo, you can check over every scratch and bump the deviant and then Ikaris gave me. Makkari already took care of the worst of what Ikaris did."

"Ikaris," Marc spat the name. "We will tear him apart," he says, looking for said eternal.

"He took the coward's way out," she tells him. "As far as we could tell, he flew towards the sun. Don't know if he's dead or not, but he isn't here."

"Well, if he isn't dead and I see him again, I'm jamming a dart through his stupid laser eye and into his brain for trying to take you away from us again."

"Aww, all for me? Aren't you sweet," she laughs. 

"We missed you so damn much," he says, leaning his forehead against hers.

"I missed you too,” she assures him. “Both of you."

"About that, your buddy Druig managed to bring out the other guy. He said his name's Jake Lockley and he's dark."

"How'd he manage that?" 

"Doesn't matter," Marc says, but she could feel him hesitate. It wasn't a lie per se, but she felt it. 

"Wait, did he drag you into this?" She asked.

"What?" Marc asks before what she asked sinks in. "Oh, no, that was Makkari, but he did get into our head a few times, and he wasn't very happy Layla was around." She looks confused for a moment before she turns around as best she can while Marc refuses to let go.

"Druig!” She shouts as loud as she can. “What the hell did you do that brought out the alter that only comes out if the other two are in mortal danger." 

"Nothing!" Druig shouts back. 

"Oh, that is a lie!" She yells before softening her tone to address Marc. "Marc, sweetie, can you let me go? I have to go punch Druig."

"Nope," Marc tells her. He just moves closer and carefully pulls her back against his chest and buries his face in her neck. She frowns in confusion.

"Marc…" she starts.

"He showed your lover your death for breaking your heart," Thena tells her.

"He what?!" She shouts. "Druig, I am going to drop you off the top of the Domo! Why would you show him that!" 

Druig looks at Makkari and signs, "Run!" 

"Don't you run away from me!" She goes to go after him, but Marc pulls her back. 

"I don't think so," he chuckles. "I just got you back and there is still the issue if a very angry bird beaked god that is going to demand an explanation. He took it almost as bad as we did. Though I will admit, the silent treatment from Steven was a lot worse than the bird wanting to take over being your justice. He said, 'They will pay for what they have done. I will be her justice'." Marc mocks Khonshu's tone.

"Aww, the big bird said that,” She says, her demeanor softening. “That's probably the sweetest thing he had ever said, and I mean ever."

"Yeah, well, why else do you think he insists on arguing with you,” Marc points out. “He's a manipulative bird brain, but he only sticks around to argue if he thinks it's worth his time to get you to see his point. If he doesn’t respect your opinion he just does it. The fact he fights you means your opinion is important to him. Or do you think he just stalks anyone? You think after centuries you would know that by now." She could feel his smirk against her skin.

"Well, I thought about all three of you when I was dying. You, Steven, and Khonshu. I wanted to see the moon one last time. I even tried to call out for him, but I couldn't. I…"

She felt him shift, and Steven's hand gripped her tighter. "Ok, I won't go into details, but I did feel better knowing you guys were still out there. And that Sersi and the others weren't giving up." She turned back around in his arms and ran her fingers through his hair. "Think we'll still have jobs when we get back?" 

Steven shrugs. "Doesn't matter, because I wasn't going to go back again without you. It didn't feel right."

"Oh, Steven, I never wanted to leave you," she tells him. 

"I know," Steven states.

"Hey, love birds! We are heading to the ship!" Phastos shouts. "Hurry up!"

"Be right there," she tells him. 

"Love birds, is that a bad pun or just a coincidence?" Sersi grins. 

"Both."

"We still get to look you over for more injuries, right?" Steven asks.

"Every single inch," she smirks as she pulls away. "You coming or what?"

"Absolutely," Steven grins, hurrying after her and taking her hand in his. "We go where you go."

[thevoidshere88]

Read if you'd like too

⚠️TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ vent about abuse/assault

°

°

..

.

.

.

I truly wish I was an only child,

all my sister's have done are fk me over and fuck me up mentally,

especially my lil sister she's turned into someone I can't stand to be around she's so manipulative I already can't trust anyone and they just make it sm worse.

But at least I know my mom has my back and will defend me,

She does things on purpose to trigger me and my mother.

She deflects and tries to make excuses for what she does wrong.

I know I should be more understanding and considerate about her mental health but it's tiring when she doesn't give 2 fucks about anyone else's I do not want to be the bigger or better person.

I will never accept or allow her being shitty to me or my mother that's never been me and it never will be.

She assaulted our grandpa hit him and tries to make me not tell my mom I've always told my mother anything that goes on so if it's serious I will tell her but apparently I'm the bad guy for that do I care honestly no.

She made the first move and hit him and bragged and laughed about inflicting pain on him and that she enjoyed it...

Now I wouldn't be so idk about that because I can be pretty violent too but not without reason.

We learned from a young age to never hit someone first to let them take the first hit on us then hit or whatever after...

But I guess it only stuck with me.

[worst-mother-throwdown]

BRACKET 1

Round 1

Propaganda under the cut, but feel free to add yours in the reblogs

TW: emotional manipulation, verbal abuse

Gertrude Moon propaganda

The Forest Queen propaganda

[bitchapalooza]

Isn’t it canon that Russia is abused by her bosses? Like she’s forced to do all this shit or she’ll be punished? Anyway, Russia went from being the victim to the abuser and ngl I’d love to read a whole character analysis for why this is possible but I don’t know psychology enough to write it

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

pt. 2 to answer @altofmoth 's question (click here to see pt. 1!)

5. mind control

mind control is a classic villain's move but when that villain is supposed to be sympathetic and who later gets into a relationship with the same person they tried to control... yikes.

catra is visibly happy about adora going through excruciating pain because of the virus, she shows no concern or remorse over hurting her former best friend/love interest this way. and she is completely willing to take away adora's freewill if it means defeating the rebellion.

6. attempted murder

yeah, i don't think i have to explain this. again, notice that adora has attempted to murder catra very few times. adora's main objective was just to defeat catra (or get her to join the rebellion) while catra's objective was to always hurt adora in any way possible.

7. catra brags about adora being easy to manipulate

these are just three instances but it's not very romantic to talk about how easily you can manipulate your s/o and take advantage of their weaknesses.

8. weird incestuous undertones

adora and catra were both raised by shadow weaver and has an obvious scapegoat - golden child dynamic. catra especially seeks out shadow weaver's love and validation, and she's jealous of adora because shadow weaver favours adora more.

this is a very common trope between fictional siblings like zuko and azula, cassandra and rapunzel, soren and claudia, etc. and of course, it's a very common dynamic between siblings in real life too, when they are raised by an abusive parent. all of this makes the idea of a romantic relationship between catra and adora pretty icky.

9. catra's redemption or lack thereof doesn't help with this whole situation

catra's redemption is all lipservice. she does actually change at all. let's see,

she still holds adora responsible for things that she didn't do, and acts like adora is a hindrance.

she still uses physical violence on adora for absolutely no reason.

she abandons adora when she's about to die because adora doesn't return catra's romantic feelings (and she later blames adora for always leaving people behind).

not to mention, catra's confession is so guilt trippy. the fact that she apparently loved adora all this time, when she was abusing, manipulating, gaslighting, trying to control and trying to kill adora, is the biggest red flag.

it's not like catra only started liking adora in s5. this confession reframes their entire relationship and implies that catra tortured adora physically and emotionally because she was in love with her. and again, the whole “just this once, stay” implies that catra still thinks that adora abandoned her, after everything that happened.

so yeah, i hope this answers your question!

[agena87]

[etherealsign282]

"if you can't handle me on my worst days then that makes me stronger than you". You mean your worst days, where you're screaming or belittling or stonewalling or minimizing or comparing or throwing things or threatening yourself/others

While the other person deals with all of this AND isn't allowed any emotional response/release as a reaction or else you'll continue to spiral even worse

And the only thing you have to deal with is the disconnect from the situation while you vent however you want to let out steam, so that way the only thing you feel afterward is victimized or angry or smug that nobody else could handle your behavior "well" except you (with perhaps hints of shame that you immediately turn to blame the other person for so as not to even capture the full brunt of it and instead repress all The Bad Emotions ™️)?

Yes, you're for sure stronger looking than someone you've emotionally abused and beaten down into a state of mental fragility and living on eggshells, so that way you could feel more powerful on your worst days

That you would NOT have survived, had you not had some sort of scapegoat to filter all your nastiness through.

[ravenzeppeli]

The Yandere Chronicles Pt. 2 |Yandere Risotto x Reader Angst|

Warning: physical abuse, verbal abuse, strong language, unhealthy relationship.

     "Out of the things that you could have possibly done do get me back from hurting you and you decide to fucking cheat on me!" Risotto screamed at you, backing you into his office corner, his palm slapping your cheek with a force that would have knocked you over if his other hand wouldn't have wrapped around your neck. "That man who fucked you? I killed him and his entire family!" He reached into his black sweatpants pocket, holding two severed fingers in front of your face, his red eyes glaring daggers into your soul.

    You've never seen him this enraged.. even when he's "punishing" you for leaving without his permission or doing a mission behind his back, he keeps his composure. His light grey hair was always so neatly combed on top of his head, but it now stood wild. Seeing him unhinged like this started to make guilt swell inside of you. You cheated on your husband in hopes that he would leave you because he wouldn't let you leave, but you only made things worse.

     "He knows that we're married, how do you sleep with another mans woman like that! And how do you whore around and embarrass me like that, what the hell is wrong with you?!" He screamed louder, throwing the severed fingers in your face. "You dirty fucking slut!"

     You flinched when the fingers slapped against your face, a gag sound coming from your throat as you felt blood that wasn't your coat your left cheek. You were wrong.. you were wrong, and you knew that you were wrong. Despite how crazy he was cheating wasn't okay, he never cheated on you. "I messed up, okay? I'm sorry, I messed up, and I regret it!" You exclaimed, tears of guilt filling your eyes. This was bad.. real bad. Fuck. "Please don't call me a slut, I'm not a slut!"

     "Another guy had his dick inside of you, that makes you a slut!" He let go of your throat, balling up his fist. His red irises and black sclera shaking with fury as he rose his fist, punching you right in the nose. "Stupid bitch! You're mine, you've always been only mine but now another man has had you!"

     You fell to the side, landing on your left side as your nose cracked, blood squirting out. "Ow!" You cried out, your hand raising to stop the blood from your probably broken nose. You quickly backed up into the wall, cowering in the corner like a scared child as you sobbed pathetically, your hand being no help to mask the waterfall of blood squirting out. He had slapped you before, but never did he punch you.. you fucked up.

     When you heard his first step towards you, you flinched, a choked sob escaping your lips as your body shook in fear. He was going to kill you.. he was going to kill you just as he killed the man who dared to fuck a mob bosses wife, and you were foolish enough to cheat on your crazy as mob husband. "Please, please no more! I'm sorry, please don't hurt me!" You sobbed out, your pleas sounding pathetic as sobs poured from your mouth. "I'll never do it again!"

     He walked over to you, crouching next to you. "You have to lean your head back," he muttered, tilting your head back as he removed your hand and replaced it with his, pinching the bridge of your nose. "Why.. just why would you hurt me like this? You're my wife, I fucking married you to spend the rest of my life with you but you keep trying to get a fucking divorce." He let his voice calm, dropping to a stern mutter.

     "Because you hit me, and you don't let me go anywhere or do anything," you whispered, bottom lip trembling because you were terrified to speak. Having him so close to you.. he could lose his temper and strike again; he could kill you. The thought of him killing you always crossed your mind, it never being mentioned but implied when he squeezed your throat a little too tight or when he sticks a sharp blade to your throat, just staring at you.

     "You sound like a child," he said, a sigh escaping his lips. From the corner of your eye, you could see his red eyes roll in annoyance. "This is the first time I ever punched you, and you deserved it for cheating on me. I slap you and bend you over my knee and spank you. Don't be overdramatic. Also, I don't let you go anywhere or do anything because you're a mob bosses wife. Your stand isn't strong. You aren't meant for battle, so I can't let you get hurt. What do you not understand about that?"

     Your tears now fell silent, your nose throbbing a deep pain that made you want to scream your head off. The dull sting in your cheek was no match to this. "You still have no right to slap me, anything but that. And I just want a little freedom.. space from you. I want to have at least a few hours a day to myself to do things I like. I want freedom, please." Your voice was so pathetic, begging. You did sound like a child.

      "If you ever cheat on me again, I'm going to beat you until you beg for me to kill you, then I'm make you kill yourself. I am willing to forgive you this one time, but you better be on your best behavior. You should be lucky that I decided to spare you." He let go of your nose, wrapping his arms around your waist as he picked you up as if you were a toddler. "I need to wash that other man off of you.. and I want to wash the blood off of you. I'm going to give you a bath."

     You made a foolish mistake, but you wouldn't dare to make that mistake again. Risotto was one to be serious about his word. He meant what he said, and you also meant what you said to him. You feel so damn bad about what you did. "Can I sleep with you tonight?" When you've really pissed him off, he sleeps on the couch, leaving you in the empty queen sized bed.

      "You aren't forgiven fully, and you won't be for a long time, but I won't sleep on the couch anymore. I'm your husband.. I'm going to do better as well. I'll work on not slapping you, I can work with just spanking you and giving you verbal consequences."  He held you tightly in his arms, walking towards the bathroom. "You'll never cheat on me again, understand?"

      You nodded your head, agreeing instantly. You would never cheat on him again. You did a terrible thing all because Risotto slaps you around. You.. you had to do better and lead by example. Maybe if he saw you trying to change, then he would join you.. maybe this broken marriage could be fixed. That's all you could ever hope for.

[sortofanobsession]

If you look up Lionel Messi and soccer, you’ll find a bunch of articles about his problems with gagging and vomiting during matches. I’d like to plant a story idea in your head about Jamie having that same issue.

Author's Note: I know I promised this earlier, and I know I promised a birthday sequel, but this is the most chaotic week of my entire year for work. So the other might be a bit delayed. Sorry about that.

Zava is a bit out of character in this. He's meaner than he actually was on the show. I did that because I needed a sort of trigger for Jamie's anxiety. Jamie is confident, or at least presents himself to be, and absolutely sure of his own abilities, Zava in the show does make him doubt himself, but not enough to create this level of anxiety. My husband has the same type of anxiety, especially when it comes to his job. He went thorough a program to help him, but my husband was dealing with it for the first time. Jamie, I have him set to have sort of dealt with it before, because with Jamie's history he probably would have. But again, this is all canon divergent.

Pairing: RoyJamie

Word Count: 6k+

Content warning: Anxiety, vomiting, nausea, panic, fear, manipulation, verbal harassment, physical violence, bruising, injury, blood, head injury, ultimatums, concussions, stitches, angst, anger, swearing/cursing/cussing.

With a little help

Jamie used to be better at managing his anxiety. Or at least he thinks he was. Maybe he was just better at, what had Keeley called it? Right, compartmentalizing, a weird word, but yeah. He really didn't know much about this stuff. Maybe it was just easier when he was a prick and didn't care what anyone thought. He knew he was the star, and he was fucking brilliant. But now, he had so much more to lose. Sure, it had wracked his nerves thinking he couldn't lose and his dad would punish him. But the anxiety over that was manageable as long as he was winning. But things are different now. Zava was the star. Zava was taking his friends from him. His dad must be pissed about that. Jamie feels like he’s going to be sick for, well, he’s lost count. 

Roy looks around the locker room and everyone is there and eager for the match, all but one.

“Where the fuck is Tartt?!” the coach demands.

“Loo,” Jeff tells him.

“Again?” Sam asks. 

“The fuck you mean ‘again’?” Roy did not like the sound of that. 

“Been in and out of since he got here,” Colin says. 

“Does he plan to play sick because that is not a very good idea,” Jan Maas says. 

Roy heads to find him, and Jan Maas might be on to something because he can hear Jamie throwing up. Something uneasy shifts the coach’s own gut. But Roy knows what he is feeling, just now why. He knocks on the door. He hears a bunch of noises, including rushed movement and water. Jamie rushes out and glances at the clock. And Roy does not like what he sees. Jamie is already sweating and shaking slightly. 

“Shit, sorry coach, I’ll go-” 

“Nope,” Roy states. “Cockburn can start, you-”

“I'm fine, coach, I can play,”

“Not if your fucking sick, if it's contagious-”

“It's not, I swear, coach, it's not like the flu or something,” Jamie tried, but Roy knew what he heard. He eyes Jamie skeptically and surprises himself as he reaches up to feel Jamie's forehead. Roy ignores the odd feeling in his chest at seeing Jamie’s cheeks color. 

“I-I told you,” Jamie insists. “It's not like that, not a fever.”

“Something you ate?” Roy asks.

“...maybe?” 

But Roy isn't sure if he should believe him. The coach sighs. “Get cleared by the med team, and you can go in, but until then, Cockburn goes in.”

And Roy is a bit surprised when Jamie doesn't fight him.

The team is too busy getting ready and listening to Zava for Roy to tell them. 

“You're going in for Tartt,” Roy tells Cockburn.

“That bad?” The forward asks. 

Roy grunts but doesn't give him a direct answer as he goes to the whiteboard and makes a few adjustments. Not that it changes much but the team finally notices. 

“Cockburn is in,” Roy tells the other coaches. 

“What happened? Is Jamie okay?” Ted asks.

“Waiting to see if fucking med clears him for the second half,” Roy states. “Fucking Tartt.” But as annoyed as he might be, he doesn't like the idea of Jamie not being alright. The team was finally set up to have a real chance at winning. Jamie Tartt had seen to it. Hopefully, he'd get it out of his system. But it wasn’t just that. Some part of Roy was just not happy that Jamie was unwell. He’s just not sure that bugs him so much. 

“How is he?” Roy asks Gail at the half. 

“A bit dehydrated, but good to go,” she tells him.

“Fucking good,” Roy says, and he means it because he feels more relieved knowing Jamie is okay than he had expected. “Let's go, Tartt! You're going in!” The match goes well, but Roy can tell something isn’t right with Jamie Tartt. So he decides to keep a closer eye on the forward. 

It happens again before a few training days. And Jamie brushes it off as adjusting to a new morning routine. Again, Roy doesn’t really believe him, but he doesn’t force the issue. Not when Jamie is still up and training. But he can’t ignore it during their next match. Jamie actually throws up on the pitch and gets pulled from the match. Roy glares daggers at Zava as the newest striker complains about Jamie being a distraction. And it's not the first time he has. Roy makes his way to the treatment room and waves off the med team. So it is just him and Jamie. 

“Alright, Tartt, fucking out with it,” Roy says. His arms crossed over his chest like he was trying to keep how worried he'd been growing inside his chest. 

“Think I already did on the pitch,” Jamie winces. 

“We both know that isn't what I fucking meant,” Roy tries to keep it together because he knows Jamie's history. He knows about Jamie's father. But Jamie isn't helping himself here, so.

Roy is going to have to be the one to do it. “Tartt, I need to know what is going on with you because this isn't the Jamie Tartt I know. And I don't fucking like it one bit.”

The way Jamie sinks deeper into himself has Roy quickly adding. “You fucking dying or something? You're fucking freaking me out, Tartt.” 

“I’m not dying,” Jamie tells him. “Not even actually sick.”

“Then tell me what the fuck this is,” Roy says, and Jamie doesn't answer. Roy ignores the voice in his head with worse-case scenarios and moves to stand right next to Jamie. “Jamie,” he says in a softer tone. “I cannot help you if you don't talk to me. I need you to-” Roy doesn't even get to finish before Jamie sobs. Roy is momentarily gobsmacked before, without even really thinking, the coach pulls Jamie against his chest. 

“Fucking hell,” he mutters more to himself than Jamie, but Jamie must think it's directed at him because Jamie just cries harder. So Roy just holds him tighter. Everything inside Roy Kent is telling him that he needs to do something. Because seeing Jamie like is like a knife in the heart, he'd do anything to cheer the striker up. And his brain doesn't seem to have much input either because Roy hadn't even realized his hand had gone up and was running through Jamie's hair, over and over to help calm him. But he doesn't stop because it actually seems to be helping as the sobs slowly turn into sniffles. 

“I've got you, Tartt,” he says as he does. And when the treatment room door opens, and Jamie goes to pull away, Roy doesn't let him. The last thing he wants is for Jamie to close off and shut him out. 

“I…uh…just need to grab a few things,” Gail says. The look on her face is one of surprise and slight amusement. “You're good.” She grabs what she needs and leaves. 

“Well, that was embarrassing,” Jamie sniffles, it's muffled in Roy's shirt. And Roy huffs a laugh. 

“It's fucking fine, just breathe and maybe tell me what is wrong.” 

Jamie shifts, so it’s mainly just his forehead against him, and he takes Roy's advice. He takes a few deep breaths. He doesn’t pull away yet. Not fully. He’s almost too scared to look at Roy. But the way Roy's hand is now rubbing soothing circles on his back has him shifting and glancing up at Roy. 

“Will you tell me now?” Roy asks. 

“It's…it's just anxiety.”

Roy’s hand stills as that sinks in, but he recovers. His hand moves again because he doesn't want to make it worse. Doesn’t want Jamie to think that upsets Roy. He knows how Jamie gets when he thinks he’s upset someone.

“Okay, that's…okay,” Roy says. The coach is trying really hard to police his actions now. “Is this new or just worse than it was?” 

And Jamie isn't sure if he'd ever heard so many words without the older man swearing, ever. And Jamie isn't sure how to feel about it. He didn't know if he should tell him that it was because of Zava. 

“It's not new, but I thought I beat it ages ago,” Jamie says honestly.

“Okay, what changed?” Roy asks. And the coach can feel the striker’s muscles tense as Jamie starts to pull away. That didn't bode well. So Roy changes his tactic.

“Jamie,” Roy starts. “Tell me how I can help you?”

And that surprised Jamie. “You…you want to help me?”

“Of fucking course I do,” Roy says honestly.

“Because you're my coach?”

“Because I need you to fucking be okay. So what do you need from me?”

“Help me?” Jamie says. And the sad way Jamie says it grips Roy’s heart. He puts a hand on the back of Jamie's neck.

“Fucking easy, done. Just tell me how.”

“Train me?” Jamie asks, and Roy nearly laughs because if Jamie just needs some extra one-on-one to get past this, he will spend every minute he isn't with Phoebe or the team training with Jamie. 

“Fuck, yeah, we can do that,” Roy grins because he has had worse-case scenarios going through his mind, and this, this is something he can and will do. “We can start tomorrow if you want.”

“Yeah, really?”

“Yes, Tartt, really.”

They train every morning before joining the team for official training. It's mostly just conditioning and talking. Roy hopes it helps Jamie get a handle on his anxiety and gets his confidence back. 

Roy goes to Jamie before their next match.

“How you feeling?” Roy asks him. 

“I'm okay,” Jamie says.

“You sure?”

“I think so.”

“Well, if that changes, let me know.”

“Sure, coach,” Jamie nods. When he turns back, the striker notices a few of his teammates looking at him funny. “What?”

“He didn't swear once,” Cockburn points out.

Jamie just shrugs. And Jamie thinks he might be okay until right before the game. 

“Try not to lose your lunch or the game this time,” Zava nudges Jamie's shoulders as they head out.

And that has the knot in Jamie’s stomach returning. And he thinks he might get sick, so he slows down as they exit the tunnel. But Jamie hadn’t noticed that Roy had been watching him like a hawk. And the look on Jamie's face for just a moment before the striker can mask it is all Roy needs to see. The coach has to count to 10 to avoid murdering Zava on Sky fucking sports. He goes straight to Jamie. 

“Whatever the fuck he said, ignore it,” Roy tells him. 

“I don't know if I can-”

“Jamie, look at me,” Roy grips Jamie's shoulders. “You are Jamie fucking Tartt, and unlike that prick, you don't need to take your teammates down to be the star.”

“But I used to,” Jamie argues.

“But you matured, got better. He is a massive fucking prick. He wants to fuck with you because he KNOWS you are the only threat to his stardom on this fucking team. Stay focused on doing your job. Ignore him. And if you get the ball, do what you think is best.” 

Jamie nods. “Okay, yeah, thanks, Coach.”

The match goes well, Zava still has to have the most attention, but Roy doesn't give him any. Ted and the others can manage that. Roy goes to Jamie. 

“Well done, Tartt,” Roy tells him.

“I didn't do much, barely got the ball,” Jamie says with confusion.

“But you played without incident,” Roy insists.

“Guess training is paying off,” Jamie says. “Thanks, Coach.” 

Roy smiles. Jamie’s stomach flips, but not due to anxiety or feeling sick. No, this is different. This is a good feeling because Roy fucking Kent is smiling at him and telling him he did well. 

“Training tomorrow still?” Jamie asks.

“I think you earned a day off,” Roy says.

“What if I don't want one?” Jamie says honestly.

Roy considers it. He still has to meet the rest of the coaching staff to go through tapes. And oh boy does Roy have a point to make during that, but the last thing he wanted was Jamie backsliding. 

“Tell you what, we can go over the match over breakfast,” Roy offers. 

“Deal,” Jamie nods. 

Roy thought they were finally getting in front of the issue as Jamie seemed to be doing better. Until one morning, Jamie fails to meet him for training. And he wasn't answering his door. Roy had never been so glad he had talked to his sister about Jamie's anxiety. She had insisted Jamie give someone a spare key. Because someone, mainly someone who lived closer than Manchester, to help make sure that his issues don't escalate. That someone needs to make sure Jamie isn't a danger to himself. Jamie picked two someones. Roy and Keeley. And without hesitation, Keeley had agreed to help. But this was the first time Roy had considered using the spare key Jamie had given him for emergencies.

Roy's heart is pounding in his chest as he opens the door. He begs the universe that this isn’t one of the worst-case scenarios his sister had told him after he asked her for help. He closes Jamie's door. 

“Tartt?” He calls out. Nothing but silence greets him, and that makes his stomach churn. He digs his phone out of his pocket and heads straight for Jamie’s bedroom. He hoped he wouldn’t need his phone, but just in case, he pulled up the call screen. 

“Jamie?” He calls out again. Nothing at first. He calls again and hears a noise in Jamie's bathroom.

“Jamie?” He says and knocks. He hears a sniffle. “I'm coming in.” And before Jamie can tell him no, Roy opens the door and finds Jamie leaning over the sink. His grip is so tight his knuckles are white on the edge of the sink. From a slight distance, Roy does his best to look Jamie over for any sign of injury. No blood. That was good. But he could tell this hadn’t just started by the bloodshot, red-rimmed eyes that looked at him with regret and possibly fear. 

“Overslept,” Jamie manages. “Sorry.

Roy takes a deep and calming breath. Jamie is in better shape than he had expected, but the what-ifs still nag at him. He hauls Jamie into a hug. 

“Roy?” Jamie asks in confusion. 

“It's fine,” Roy says. “Everything's going to be fine.” Jamie isn't sure if he is saying it for him or not, but he doesn't fight it. He grips Roy's jacket tight. They stay like that for a bit.

“Come on,” Roy says, tugging Jamie by the wrist. “In,” Roy says, gesturing to Jamie's bed. 

“But we have training,” Jamie says with confusion.

“Not for a few hours,” Roy states. 

Jamie opens his mouth to argue, but his brain fails him when Roy removes his jacket and kicks off his shoes. “You going to stand there like a fucking prick, or you going to do as you're fucking told?”

Jamie silently crawls into his bed. He then watches in shock as Roy does too. Roy checks his phone, sets an alarm, and looks at Jamie. 

“Fucking relax, Jamie,” Roy says, then lays down. Arms open in invitation. “You look fucking knackered, and you had me fucking worried. So make up your mind.”

Jamie is not sure if he is dreaming, but he isn't going to argue. He cuddles into Roy's chest, and Jamie has never felt warmer or safer in his life. 

“Sleep, Tartt,” Roy tells him. And he does. 

Jamie wakes up warm and content for once. He reaches for his alarm but realizes it's on the wrong side of the bed. Then he remembers what happened. It was Roy's phone. Roy was the warm body beside him. And Jamie's heart soars. Roy had been the only reason Jamie has been able to function recently. He really adores Roy. 

“Feeling better?” Roy ask.

“Mmhmm,” Jamie hums. 

“Good because we have training, so up you get,” Roy says. 

Once Jamie is up and dressed, he heads down to find Roy in his kitchen drinking a cup of tea. He holds out a shake because he's gone over Jamie's routine with him multiple times. And Jamie knows he is officially lost on Roy fucking Kent. And Jamie knows there isn’t a way he is coming away from this anything but in love with his coach. Well, more so than he had been most of his life. He had fancied Roy for ages, but that had been that. Now Roy is in his kitchen and has spent the last hour sleeping in Jamie's bed with Jamie. 

“Jamie?” Roy calls, snapping Jamie out of his thoughts. He shakes the drink again. “Yes or no? If you can't, then we-”

Jamie accepts the shake with a quiet thank you. And Roy watches Jamie. He seems to be doing alright now. But Roy doesn't want him to get antsy, so the coach looks down at his tea. 

They head to Roy’s G wagon, Jamie not even arguing. It's quiet until Roy parks at Nelson Road.

“Now, you don't have to tell me what happened to cause what happened this morning, but…” Roy says, looking at Jamie. 

“Just something Zava said yesterday got under my skin. You said to ignore him, and I'm trying. It's just not easy. Didn't sleep well, but I'm okay now.” 

“Okay.” Roy reaches over and grips Jamie's shoulder. “If you need a break, tell me. We can take one.”

“Thanks,” Jamie smiles at him.

Shouting in the locker room has the coaches rushing out of the office. Dani Rojas and Colin Hughes stand between Jamie and Zava. 

“The fuck is wrong with you?!” Jamie spits. 

“I saw you with -” Zava starts, but Roy isn't having it. 

“Everyone shut the fuck up!” Roy shouts. Jamie's eyes snap to his. And Roy sees a red mark on Jamie's face and would have lost his shit if Beard hadn't gone to check Jamie's face. Jamie lets him. Beard doesn't miss how the striker keeps glancing at Roy.

“Nothing broken,” Beard assures them. 

“What in the blue blazes is going on in here?” Ted demands.

No one says anything—a number of players glancing at an irate Roy.

“Fine,” Ted says. “Beard, maybe a few laps will jog their memories.” 

The team groans, but they go out. 

“Not you,” Ted says to Jamie. Roy glares at the gaffer. The assistant coach swears he sees Zava smirks as he leaves. 

“You fucking kidding me?” Roy snaps, but much to Jamie's surprise, it isn't directed at him but at Ted.

“Look at his fucking face, and he's the one that in-”

Ted shakes his head. “You strangling the team’s wringer in front of them might damage morale a bit, coach.”

Roy grunts but doesn't say anything else because Ted has a point. If Zava had opened his mouth again, he’d have the imprint of Roy’s boot all over him. It’s a dangerous thought but an undeniable one. Zava touched Jamie, and that is just not fucking okay in Roy’s opinion. He’s still fucking livid though. 

“You alright, Jamie?” Ted asks the player. 

Roy’s anger gives way to concern at the way Jamie’s hands bunch up in his kit. The striker looked like a kid who got caught stealing biscuits. 

“Jamie,” Roy says as he goes over and tips Jamie's face up to look at him. A slight bruise forms and that has a mix of emotions swirling in Roy’s chest. “How much does it hurt?” Roy needs to know.

“‘m fine, Roy, nothing I can't handle it.”

“You used to handle broken ribs and not tell anyone,” Roy counters. “I need more than that, Tartt.”

Neither of them sees how shocked Ted is as he watches the pair. Roy went from furious to soft spectacularly fast in the gaffer’s book. And he isn’t sure he’d ever seen his assistant coach this gentle with anyone other than Phoebe.

“The team ended it before it could get worse,” Jamie says.

That gets Ted’s attention. “What exactly was ‘it’?” the head coach asks. Jamie looks between the coaches. Roy just reaches over and rubs Jamie's back. And Ted has even more questions now. But he knows he needs this answer first. 

“Zava told me I should be benched, that I'm a distraction, especially…” Jamie hesitates, looking up at Roy. Roy just nods. Jamie looks back to Ted. “Especially to Coach Kent.” Roy lets out a bitter laugh but doesn't say anything. His hand did not stop its repeated course along the striker’s spine. 

“How did that lead to you having a bruised face?” Ted asks.

“He had leaned into my space to say it, and you know me, I'm in and out of everyone's space always. So it shouldn’t have bothered me, but I didn't like it. I didn't want him there. So I shoved him back towards his spot. He didn't like that.”

“So a scuffle broke out until the boys stopped it,” Ted finishes. 

“Not exactly. It was more the team scrambling to protect Zava, and I don't know who, but I took an elbow to the face. I…I don't think it was intentional.” They look up as the door opens. A couple of members of the med team enter. “But he kept saying that he knew. Didn’t make any sense.”

“Right, okay,” Ted says. He waves them over to look over Jamie's face. He taps Roy's shoulder and nods at the office. Roy nods. Ted goes to the office. 

“You good?” Roy asks Jamie. 

“Yeah,” Jamie says, offering the coach a weak smile. “Not like I'm going anywhere.” He gestures to the medics.

Ted closes the door once Roy is inside. 

“Something you need to tell me, Coach?”

“Zava's a fucking prick and has been giving Jamie a hard time.”

“That’s it? I thought you helping train Jamie was working,” Ted says. “That he was right as rain.”

“I thought so, too, but he missed training this morning. Turns out Zava got under his skin yesterday like he just fucking did now, and with the anxiety Tartt already has, he barely slept. Found him crying and fucking gripping his counter like he didn't trust his own fucking legs. I got him to get a bit more sleep.” Ted didn't need to know that he did so by joining him in bed. “He is off his game already, and Zava just tipped the fucking scales. And now Zava thinks he fucking won. I'm not going to fucking sit here and let that prick isolate and bully-”

“And what is Jamie to you, huh? What's your next word, Roy? Your what?”

“Player,” Roy growls. “My fucking player. Because whatever you are implying, well, you can fuck off. And I'm fucking disappointed in you, Lasso. You made me put an end to the hazing of the kitman that fucking betrayed you. Betrayed all of us. But now that it's Zava targeting Jamie, who has been a fucking punching bag his whole fucking life, and you know it, it's nothing. Not on my fucking watch.”

“Alright, fair point,” Ted says. 

It is painfully silent until Ted goes to check on Jamie.

“He's good to play, just a bruise,” the medic tells them. 

“Great, let's get you out there,” Ted says, clapping Jamie on the shoulder. Jamie looks at Roy.

“Right behind you,” Roy assures him. 

Ted decided to keep a close eye on Zava, especially when he was anywhere near Jamie. Things went fine during drills. He didn't miss the way a few players glared at Jamie as they finished running laps. Ted called Beard over and sent him inside after a few words. Isaac had confirmed that Zava had been talking to Jamie, Jamie shoved Zava, and the team stepped in. No one owned up to knowingly elbowing Jamie. So Ted had them run drills. More glares. Jamie’s shoulders slumped, but he looked over at Roy. Roy went over.

“They're fucking idiots,” Roy tells Jamie. “He’ll fuck up eventually. Tip his hand. Don't let him drag you down. He did this. Not you. Keep going.”

Jamie nods and joins the team. 

Ted isn't sure he likes how Jamie keeps his head down. And Roy was right. Whenever someone glares at Jamie or ignores the other striker, Zava doesn't stop them. Zava seems to find it amusing. That was not good. 

A bit later, Beard comes out with a tablet. He waves Roy over. Jamie's attention is drawn to the coaches when he hears Roy swearing and leaving the field. Jamie fights the urge to follow him. He turns to head back to drills when a ball hits him in the head painfully hard.

Roy hadn’t even reached the tunnel. When hears several people shout Jamie’s name. Roy's blood ran cold as rushed back to the field.

“He was distracted,” he hears Zava say, and the only reason Zava isn't picking his teeth up off the pitch is because Beard catches him, followed by Will.

He knows what happened without even having to look. Although Jamie was waiting with all the other players, the drills were running away from him. Jamie had gotten hit. Hard. This means someone did it intentionally or had gotten very bad at the basics. 

“Jamie needs you,” Beard says. And that doesn't quell the other assistant coach’s rage, but it does change his direction.

“How is he?” Roy asks as he reaches Ted. 

“Conscious,” Ted tells him.

“For Zava's sake, he better stay that way. I swear-” 

“I know, Roy,” Ted says. “Go with him. We’ll handle it.”

“You fucking better,” Roy grits out before following the med team as they take Jamie away. 

“Roy!” Keeley joins him where he is waiting in the hall. He was watching the med team work through the glass window. “Rebecca said it was Jamie. What happened?” Roy hands her the tablet he had retrieved. Much like the locker room video, the video of what happened on the pitch was sent to him. Keeley played the video and gasped. Zava had kicked the ball directly at Jamie. And the striker had one hell of a kick. Jamie went down instantly. Jeff and Sam were there in seconds, followed by most of the team. 

“Poor Jamie,” Keeley says as she hands him the tablet.

“Stay with him,” Roy instructs as he walks away. 

“Where are you going?” she asks.

“To make sure this is fucking handled!” He spits back. 

Rebecca startles as the gaffer’s door is thrown open. 

“Roy,” Ted says as the manager drops back down in his chair. “The wall didn't deserve that, but I think we can ignore that for now.”

Rebecca frowns but agrees. 

“How is he?” She asks.

“Three fucking stitches and a concussion at least,” Roy says, going to grab a number of things from his desk. “Maybe worse, they were still with him.” He kicks his drawer when it doesn't close—the pair wince.

“Why aren't you?” Ted asks.

“Keeley’s there,” Roy states. 

“That's good,” Rebecca says.

“You say that now,” Roy tosses the tablet on the desk. The video paused on Zava kicking the ball.

“Roy…” Ted starts.

“Don't fucking, ‘Roy’ me. Fuck no. This fucking prick goes, or I do, Tartt too. I fucking told you he was fucking with him.”

“You don't mean-” Rebecca starts, but Roy cuts her off. 

“Fucking do it, or I will send that video to Sky fucking sports. I am FUCKING DONE!” Roy slams the door as he goes into the locker room. The handful of players in there flinch. He isn't sure if it's a blessing or a curse that Zava isn't there.

“What’s going on, Coach?” Sam asks as Roy moves to collect Jamie's things. 

“Is Jamie hurt bad?” Dani Rojas asks.

“Like any of you fucking care,” Roy angrily states.

“It's Jamie,” Dani says. “Of course we do.”

Roy bitterly laughs. “Could have fucking fooled me.” Once the coach is sure he has what he needs, he turns towards the team.

“I have never been so fucking disappointed in any fucking team in my life. This is exactly what he was terrified would happen. You fucking pricks didn't even fucking notice.”

The locker room was unusually quiet as the team prepared to leave after training. Zava isn't even there anymore. And no one has heard anything about Jamie yet. Roy had not come back. 

Sam checks his phone.

“Oh no,” he says. 

“What?” Colin asks. “What is it?”

“Check the team chat?” 

Colin frowns. 

One by one, the team is shocked that Roy and Jamie's numbers are removed from the team chat. 

“That's not good,” Jan Maas says. 

“No, it isn't.” Sam agrees. 

Keeley had been keeping Jamie company after the med team said he could go when the coach got back. She smiles at the way Jamie sits up as there is a knock at the open door, relaxing when he sees it’s only Roy. Jamie’s never been truly afraid of Roy, but she knew that Roy being there made Jamie feel safer. Like nothing, and no one is getting past Roy to get at him. It was actually rather adorable. Roy was like that with people he cared for, especially those he loved. And she had a feeling Jamie was now one of those very select few. Roy loved Jamie. Jamie loved Roy. She knew it. She just hoped they’d figure it out sooner rather than later.  

“Time to go,” Keeley says. She gets up and kisses Jamie's less injured cheek. “Call me if you need anything. Get better, babe.” She pats Roy’s cheek as she passes him.

“Here,” Roy sets Jamie's stuff. “Can't have you in your bloody kit. Then we can head out.”

Jamie goes to stand up and wobbles on his feet, and Roy knows that's not going to work. He kicks the door closed. “Right, let's get this done.” He carefully helps Jamie change. He avoids making eye contact with the striker as he does because that was a line Roy couldn’t cross now. He wasn’t sure his fucking heart could take it. A bruised Jamie Tartt, shirtless and trusting Roy to look after him. That did fucking things to Roy that Roy was not ready to deal with. Especially since Jamie had a concussion. 

“Thanks,” Jamie mumbles since his system is flooded with painkillers. 

“Ready?” Roy asks.

“Yeah,” Jamie says with a nod. He winces at the flair of pain that causes. 

“Alright, words are fine. No need to rattle your brain even more.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Jamie barely says anything as Roy drives to Jamie's flat. He manages to get the injured striker inside, cleaned up and in bed. Jamie is in and out of it most of the day. It's not until the following day that Jamie really wakes up, his head throbbing, and realizes that Roy has spent the night and has been taking care of him. Jamie finds pills and water beside his bed and a note telling him to take them and come downstairs. Jamie can barely look at his own face in the mirror as he does what he needs to in the bathroom. He shouldn't be surprised to find Roy in his kitchen again, but this time Roy moves to meet him as Jamie makes it down the stairs.

“Morning,” Roy says. “Seem more steady on your feet already.”

Jamie hums and shuffles to the kitchen.

“Sit,” Roy tells him, and Jamie does. Roy gets him a cup of tea and a plate of food. “Eat.” Jamie looks unsure.

“Jamie,” Roy says, lowering himself to Jamie's eye level. “You need to eat, or those pills will tear up your stomach. And with all the stomach issues you’ve had recently, we don't want to make it worse.” Jamie agrees and eats. That's when he notices the time. The team would be well into training. And Jamie understands why he isn't going to training. But Roy should be there.

“Not going in?” he asks.

“No,” Roy states. Jamie can't see all that well right now, but he can still tell that Roy doesn't look happy. 

“Roy, you don't have to babysit me,” Jamie insists.

“Your loss,” Roy says. “Phoebe thinks I'm a fantastic sitter.”

“She's 8, and you are her most favorite person in the world,” Jamie says.

“Yeah, because I'm the best fucking sitter,” Roy says with no sign of sarcasm or humor.

“You're serious, aren't you?” Jamie asks.

“You're head's fucked enough, you don't need me being a prick.”

“Okay, but-”

“I'm not going in because I told them if they don't fucking deal with Zava, then I'm not going back.”

Jamie can’t believe Roy gave them an ultimatum because of him. “You have to go back,” Jamie tells him.

“Not really,” Roy assures him.

“The team needs you,” Jamie argues. 

“The team needs not to have a fucking asshole that does this kind of shit on fucking purpose.” And Roy knows he fucked up when Jamie rushes to his feet. Roy follows Jamie as the younger man barely reaches the toilet to lose what little he has eaten. Unfortunately, that means his meds too. And between the pain and the anxiety, Jamie can't take it. He sobs, and Roy holds him tight. 

Roy doesn't move other than to comfort the injured man. Only when Jamie can breathe without gasping does he even consider it.

“Why?” Jamie manages to ask.

“Why would I not go back?” Roy asks for clarification.

Jamie nods. 

“Because I'm not going to work for a fucking hypocrite. Lasso made me deal with you when you were a prick, and you changed for the better. He let Zava do the same shit too long, and it's only because he pulled this shit in front of the whole fucking team and was caught on security cameras; it’s a problem. Told them to deal with it, or I would send the video to Sky Sports.”

“Is that even legal?”

“He knew what the fuck he was doing,” Roy tells him. “And so do I. Zava wants to keep his fucking reputation, then he has to fucking leave.”

“And if we start losing again?”

“Is the league worth the fucking pain? Seriously, this fucking idiot is beyond fucking help. I won't watch him ruin your life just so the team wins. I'm sure the team would agree if they knew.”

In the afternoon, Jamie's phone is practically blowing up with messages, and his head hurts. So Roy tucks him back in and takes his phone so he can let the pain meds work and get some rest. 

“The fuck did you do?” Roy answers his phone.

“Hello to you too, Coach,” Ted says. “How is he?”

“I had to take his phone away because he threw up his morning meds, and it was constantly going off.”

“We showed the team the video,” Ted says. “So they could understand why Zava is off the team.”

“So he's gone, good. Fucking took long enough.”

“Had to ensure he wouldn't try to turn this around on us. Or worse, you and Jamie.” 

“If any of those idiots show up here and ring the doorbell, I will make them miserable.”

“They shouldn't. They know he needs to rest and heal.”

“Good.”

“I’ll tell him when he wakes up.”

Roy sits on the edge of Jamie's bed. He gives in and runs his hands gently through Jamie's hair to wake him. He can’t lie to himself any longer. He cares for Jamie a lot more than he should, but he can’t help himself. He smiles at the way Jamie hums and leans into Roy’s touch. 

“Got good news,” Roy says, which seems enough to wake Jamie the rest of the way. “Zava's off the team, and the team’s more worried about you than anything.”

“He's gone, and they aren't mad?”

“Not mad at you, for you, maybe, but not at you.”

“Not mad at you either, right?”

“Maybe, but only because I took your phone away so they couldn't talk to you.”

That makes Jamie chuckle. 

“This means you're going back, right?” Jamie asks.

“Yes, now up you get. Food. Meds. Then you can have your phone.”

Jamie hates sitting on the sidelines as the team struggles to score match after match. Knowing he's the reason Zava is gone twists something in his stomach. And knowing that the team has a friendly in fucking Amsterdam, of all places, makes him even more anxious. Roy is worried even before anyone packs for the trip. Keeley had texted Roy that she was supposed to help him pack since she hadn't spent much time with Jamie recently, but Jamie's not acting like his usual self. He might get to play in Amsterdam, so they both figure it's nerves about getting back into it. So Roy goes over. The three of them get dinner, but Keeley has to leave after. Roy thinks Jamie's doing okay, but the minute the coach asks what Jamie's going to do outside of the match in Amsterdam, he sees how Jamie starts to sweat and pale slightly. 

“Jamie, look at me,” Roy says, and when Jamie seems to be too in his own head, Roy grips the striker’s face as gently as he can since he is still a bit sore. “I'm here, Jamie. You don't have to be scared of anything. You can tell me or don't tell me. But I'm not going to leave you like this. Fuck, I'll pack your fucking bag, you might not like it, but I will.” That earns a breathy laugh from the player. “I'll be with you every step of the way if you need me to.”

Jamie can't help it. He leans his forehead against Roy's and closes his eyes. Because that actually is extremely helpful. It does make him feel so much better.

“Fuck it,” Roy mutters. With a hand on the back of Jamie's neck, he shifts until his lips find Jamie’s own. He feels that Jamie shutters at the sensation before it's like the younger man puts all his energy into returning the kiss. When they break for air, Roy checks to ensure Jamie's cuts don't reopen. Jamie crawls into Roy's lap and kisses him. 

“Feeling better?” Roy says, a slight grin pulling at his features. 

“Fucking fantastic,” Jamie grins.

[everlikeforever]

a text i never sent: jan 7th 2019

Its been 3 months and you still want me to regret it so fucking badly. You think I regret doing what I did? You’re really not done questioning my intelligence? I know it's one of your favorite past times but you're really going to have to find a new hobby. Believe me when I say this: I’m not impulsive, I’m not stupid, therefore I’m not going to throw a relationship out the window without seriously thinking it through. And let’s be totally fucking real with each other, we both know I should have done this ages ago. 

It’s 3am, I’ve been up all night in this tent reading notes I wrote to myself from as far back as 2017. The evidence shows that even at 16 I had the sinking intuition that we were properly doomed. That I would one day want to be alone and experience other people, that I knew there was something better out there for me.

Your narcissism and sociopathic tendencies severely altered my reality. I burned so many bridges because of you. I felt so obligated to lie to the point where I did so so much. To myself and to others. You coerced me into co-dependency. I was often terrified to tell the truth because you gave me weighted ultimatums left and right. Well this might be hard to grasp, but you’ve finally lost your weight and you’re worthless now.

In the 3 months we’ve been apart I’ve already learned so much. I’ve realized that there are other magnificent people out there and they have qualities you don’t have and you have qualities they don’t have. I’ve finally gotten a taste of how many people there are in this world and how much you can learn from every single human interaction if you allow yourself to. There are so many good people in this world.

And to be honest, I think your feelings of possession are outweighing what you truly desire. You’re in denial but one day you will thank me. I want a relationship where I’m not constantly battling insecurity, verbal abuse, manipulation and obsession and I’d like to think you do too.

I’ve been able to do a lot of thinking on this beach. Nobody else is talking to me except for myself. Nobody is swaying me. This is how I feel. This is what I want. So please for god sakes, stop trying to re-wire my brain. You’ve done enough of that, and my body is saying no.