#Understanding Zoloft Depression Better

[futuremrscameron]

angelina jolie as the former mrs. cameron WALK WITH ME

let’s call her elizabeth

elizabeth was from a rich family like arranged marriage to keep the money flowing rich but she didn’t care about any of that she wanted love and family that actually cared about her.

she met ward at one of her father’s stuffy business events where they hit it off while talking about the future and their deepest desires. after a year she married ward, she was significantly younger than him much to her parents’ dismay. her father thought he just wanted her for their family name and money but she knew that wasn’t true. sure he wanted to make a name for himself and talked about building a legacy a lot but he was charming and handsome and sure he wasn’t as rich as some guy with the III in his name but he was independent, bold, caring, and most importantly he loved her. he also didn’t call her elizabeth which she hated, but lee, a nickname he came up with after she told him bout how the ultimate act of love in here eyes were nicknames because they showed individuality and thought out into another person.

they struggled to have a baby for years which drove her into a deep depression and ward didn’t know how to help her outside of her paying for her therapy sessions which she refused to talk about which led to many fights,

luck was on their side the month they found out they were expecting. she was thrilled, buzzing with excitement and ward was happy his wife was better and that he’d finally have a family of his own.

rafe was the hardest birth of the kids, he was upside down then he was nearly strangled by his umbilical cord. the doctors said it was like he didn’t wanna come out. she immediately loved him and doted on him every waking moment. ward thought it was nothing at first just a loving mother being protective of her child until he came home from work one day and heard his son crying. he ran upstairs and found rafe on their bed but no sign of his wife. she was in the bath crying into a wine bottle as water rained down on her.

when ward set rafe down for a nap he begged her for answers but she couldn’t give him any. he threatened to take rafe away if she didn’t tell him and she broke. she sobbed as she told him about how she was scared of accidentally hurting him and that she felt like a terrible mother. she went “away” for a while, that it wasn’t rafe’s fault, she wasn’t feeling well, and she’d be back soon. that’s what he told everyone when they’d ask. he promised her rafe would be safe with him and there when she got back and he was telling the truth! partially. he had a nanny look after him whenever he was tied up on a contract or had to work late, which was a lot.

they visited her, ward and rafe, she cried when she saw him. told him he got so big like he could understand at 6 months old and promised she would be out soon. she came back home three weeks later with a postpartum diagnosis and a three month zoloft prescription. she was just so happy to be home and with her baby again she promised ward that this wouldn’t happen again and that she was better.

things were great for three years until she found out she was pregnant again. she was scared that she’d slip back into a depression and considered having an abortion which appalled ward. they argued for hours about it, he accused her of not wanting another child which she denied. it wasn’t the child it was the feeling she knew she’d have to relive and the pain from the thought of hurting their baby. he convinced her to keep it because “she was doing so good” and “if anything happened he would support her”. it was a crock of shit and she knew it but rafe was thrilled to learn he was gonna have a sibling so how could she take that away from him. he helped her whenever she went out. “her little prince” she called him, ward wouldn’t say she coddled him until he was 7.

sarah was an easy pregnancy compared to rafe. no scares, no resistance, and a measly 8 hours compared to rafe’s 17. rafe was surprised to see his little sister look so tiny and was scared to hold her before ward reassured him that he wasn’t going to. elizabeth was so happy at the sight of her two babies but she couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread, impending doom.

her parents visited for sarah which made her livid. suddenly she was back in their life not a pariah? why couldn’t they have stayed gone or extended the courtesy to rafe. she lashed out at them and tried to get out of bed to fight them, security was called to escort her parents out. ward was startled and had rafe wait outside while he talked to her. told her that he understood her anger but she couldn’t do that in front of rafe or sarah and that she shouldn’t exert herself. she cried and told her she didn’t know where it came from and he comforted her, biting his tongue about maybe going back to the facility.

he would later regret that when she started slipping into a depression again. she told him she needed to go back but he told her she was fine and just needed to take her meds. she knew something was wrong and said she was worried about hurting sarah so he did what he does best, he gave her a sales pitch. not just any sales pitch, the sales pitch of a lifetime his greatest to date. told her that she was a great mother and that rafe and sarah would be fine under her care and that the pills were working if her natural glow was anything to go by. told her she was strong and if she was feeling really bad they could call her doctor and have the dosage increased.

he thought it worked and it did for a while until he received a phone call from work. it was rafe’s tiny six year old voice on the phone telling him “mommy was asleep and not waking up” his stomach dropped as he could hear sarah crying in the background. he walked rafe through calling 911 and telling them what the emergency was.

she was back in the facility for three weeks where she was diagnosed with severe depression and they found out she was pregnant. he was thrilled the baby was alive but angry that she would do that with their children in the house, another growing inside her, and that he was completely helpless. they visited her on sarah’s birthday and she was out by rafe’s.

wheezie was the easiest pregnancy according to her and there was no postpartum this time. she was trying her best to look after a newborn, a third grader, and a kindergartner on her own but ward just gave her shallow word of encouragement and shot down her request for outside help. she saw rafe and sarah’s constantly fighting as a failure on her part and thought they’d be better off without her. she didn’t want to leave them but what choice did she have? she decided against it though not wanting her louisa to have no memories of her mother.

ward took the kids to the park the summer wheezie turned four and they had a blast. there were bouncy houses, popsicles, and fireworks. they all decided to get elizabeth something and decided on a bracelet with an emerald, not a real emerald but the thought counts. the house was empty when they got home, elizabeth was nowhere to be found but she left a letter on the bed apologizing for leaving her children and asking ward to tell them she loves them.

she was found in the lake not too far from their house. the funeral was a week later, the sound of his children’s screams and cries were drowned out by the sight of her. she looked so peaceful, he thought it was ironic since she was almost always miserable. he didn’t want to say goodbye but what choice did he have, he was alone now and his kids needed him. they needed a mother too but she was gone. he’d have to get to work on that.

​inspired by @haven247’s obx 1987 au

[randomscpventblog]

This is something that goes beyond just the SCP fandom but it’s something I want to touch on as it’s irked me lately. I saw a post telling mentally ill fans who were attached to character Bright to “touch grass”, “get help”, and to “get on Zoloft”. That got me thinking, we make exceptions for systems and rightfully so as their connection is unique but there are also a lot of other mental illnesses and disabilities that could cause an unhealthy attachment and clumping them all together is just unfair. My OCD for example causes me to be obsessed with archiving everything that’s connected to the fandom or character that I’m attached to, thankfully in recent years I’ve been able to better handle the distress that used to come when the fandom content I was attached to would get deleted.

However I was very fortunate to be able to get therapy and medication to help with my mental illnesses that’s a privilege not everyone gets. A lot of people come from third world countries where mental health simply isn’t acknowledged and/or they don’t have the infrastructure to support it. People in first world countries, especially if there from immigrant or conservative families may not be allowed to get help because of their family’s ignorance and/or their prejudice. People from the US specifically simply might not be able to afford any help, therapists and medication can be expensive especially for people without insurance. All these points would also affect minors disproportionately as they wouldn’t have the financial resources or in some cases legal resources to advocate for themselves.

For them these fandom safe spaces may be the only places they have. I used to be one of those kids being it took a while for my mom to understand what mental illness was and how to help me. As for medications like anti-depressants their not a cure all and they don’t work for everyone. Lexapro worked for me but it doesn’t automatically “fix” you and a lot of people have to try multiple types of antidepressants to find something that works for them if any work at all.

All this to say we shouldn’t be judging or talking down to people with mental illnesses and disabilities who use these fandom spaces as their safe spaces especially if there not hurting anyone. It may be easy to tell them to get irl help but that’s a privilege not everyone can access.

As a final note please do not attempt to play Psychiatrist with your online friends who may need help, if your not licensed or educated then you’ll only end up causing more harm.

[leaveherwildliketheflowers]

I went to get my IUD out today and I have just have to shout out to my OB for being THE hype woman every girl needs. She came bouncing (not even exaggerating) into to exam room with the biggest smile and said, "Are we having another baby?!?!?!" Excitment was radiating off her face.

It actually hurt to tell her no, not yet. She was visibly shocked and even looked a litle disappointed. She obviously asked me why I want the IUD out if I'm not quite ready for baby #2. I explained the whole weird mood/depression and lack of energy thing and she was understanding and sympathetic (not surprising). She reminded me that I could get pregnant as soon as it's removed and I laughed and said I wasn't worried about that. I explained that even if I did get pregnant, that wouldn't be a bad thing. I don't want to start TTC today, but I do soon. She chuckled at that.

On the way out she said that she hopes I feel better soon and recommended Zoloft if I need it because I could continue on it during pregnancy. Then she gave me a huge grin and said she really hopes to see me back soon.

Me too doc. Me too.

[shoesofthefishermanswife]

In med school and also preparing for my exam. I have to learn a whole course about antidepressants so here it goes I guess !

Hi! I'm sure that the majority of this will be pretty basic review but let's talk about it!

The first generation of antidepressants were monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOIs). They were originally invented to treat tuberculosis but in 1953 Iproniazid was developed and patients taking it showed improvements in their depression symptoms. As their name suggests, they function by inhibiting the breakdown of monoamine neurotransmitters (serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine, ect) by the enzyme monoamine oxidase, and this leaves more neurotransmitters available for synapse. The problem with this method is that there are monoamines in our food. Patients taking MAOIs have to be careful eating foods that contain lots of tyramine because it can't be broken down. High levels of tyramine can cause sudden increases in blood pressure and even cerebral hemorrhage! Understandably, MAOIs aren't prescribed very often anymore.

The next generation of antidepressants, known as tricyclic antidepressants, was developed in the late 50s. These work by inhibiting both serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake. They are also antagonists for postsynaptic adrenergic α1 and α2 receptors, muscarinic receptors, and histamine H1 receptors. Reuptake inhibition is the mechanism found in a lot of our current antidepressants, but they're a little bit more focused.

In the late 80s, Fluoxetine was finally approved by the FDA and SSRIs continue to dominate the antidepressant landscape. SSRI stands for Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors, and they do what their name suggests, inhibiting the serotonin transporter (SERT) at the presynaptic axon terminal. This leaves more serotonin (5-HT) available for synapse. Additionally, SSRIs target the 5-HT1A autoreceptors. This seems counter productive at first, because the autoreceptor activation slows 5-HT production and release. But over time, this builds autoreceptor tolerance. Generally, autoreceptors can shut off signaling when there's too much and is a main contributor to building drug tolerance. But since the autoreceptor is now being activated, that shut off function loses efficacy and the extra 5-HT in the synapse from SERT inhibition doesn't cause tolerance to be built up (as much). This is why it takes SSRIs weeks to kick in because the two processes do cancel each other out until the autoreceptors have gotten tolerant. There is variety within SSRIs. Fluoxetine (Prozac) has a half life much longer than Sertraline (Zoloft) and takes longer to get peak plasma concentration.

Serotonin-Noradrenaline reuptake inhibitors work very similarly, they just also inhibit norepinephrine reuptake. (Say what you will about anti-depressants, at least they're named straightforwardly lol). Some patients respond better to SSRIs, some respond better to SNRIs. Unfortunately, a lot of patients don't respond well to either and they can come with difficult side effects.

Moving on from depression, let's talk a little about anxiety and anxiolytics. One of the key brain changes in general anxiety is reduced PFC inhibitory control, associated with reduced GABA(A) receptors. This is coupled with amygdala overactivity. Benzodiazepines help regulate anxiety by increasing GABA control. They do so without nearly as many side effects as the previous barbiturates, and took off in the 1960s. But because they act on GABA, mixing benzodiazepines with alchohol (also acts on GABA) creates lots of abuse potential (think of the Valium + martini housewife). The positive side to this is that benzodiazepines can be used to help someone with alcohol withdrawal, which is otherwise very dangerous. Second generation anxiolytics are partial agonists for 5-HT1A receptors. Moving away from GABA reduces the abuse potential, but also makea the drugs less effective. Generally, SSRIs are prescribed for anxiety before other classes of drugs.

Hope that was a good basic review!

[gabapentinblues]

journal update 6.7.2025

i slept better last night but now that im awake i feel terrible. my stomach is so messed up and my vertigo is so bad. i can barely move around. i havent told anyone i went off my meds and idk if im going to. i havent been able to find a new psych and i just really dont want to bother. im done. i want to know what life is like without medication.

ive been on meds my entire adult life and im just tired of it. i dont know how much good they've actually done me. going cold turkey on zoloft after being on it for over a decade is a bad idea i know, but i just dont care. i just want to push through it and see whats on the other side. my other two meds are relatively new, wasn't on either of them for a year even so im not as worried about those. but i do feel fatigue and irritability and suicidal ideation, vertigo, nausea, confusion, nearly everything that could be going wrong i think.

it doesnt help that im also in the middle of my pmdd rn, so i would be exhausted and suicidal and irritable anyway. my boobs hurt so bad and i just dont want to be in my body. i just want to pass the day hiding in my bedroom and i probably will. myabe i'll tidy up if i have it in me. i feel less emotionally debilitated but i still feel total anhedonia and disintrest in living. but i might be able to do something today bc im not going to off myself tonight even if i want to.

im just going to keep living like that i guess. wanting to die and putting it off and ig people will be glad im making that decision but i dont feel strong or brave. continuing to live is just the path of least resistance. i dont really want to be on it, but its where i am, and its easier to stay here than change it even if it feels physically unbearable sometimes. which it really does.

i went to sleep easier last night. probably bc i drank a double gin and tonic and it was really strong for me, i could only handle having the one or else i probably wouldnt have even been able to walk straight. but i was able to go to bed and sleep without crying myself to sleep or texting my friend in a complete crisis. i still dont want to live. i more just feel empty today though which is easier to manage.

yesterday i followed up on the two jobs im trying to get so i dont need to do anything else today really. i can just hide in my room. idk what anyone else is up to but i'll probably just stay out of their way. the weekends are hard with everyone being around. my friends are like an hour away, and i dont really feel up for seeing anyone anyway. im more comfortable here in my own bed.

maybe i'll listen to the song we wrote last week and try to write some lyrics for it. ive been really stuck w coming up w melodies and ive just been avoiding it, but actually trying is something i could do. and clean up a bit, maybe even do laundry. i could also work on my sketchbook, or one of my larger paintings. and i could even write if i really feel like it, my depression brain has been making me avoid that too. in april i wrote every single day and i just dont have that motivation anymore, but i want to cultivate something.

i should wash my face and brush my teeth and kind of get dressed. maybe i'll spend a little time outside. im not feeling totally defeated today, but my body is really going to limit what's possible i can tell.

tomorrow will probably be fine too, i'll mostly just do my own thing, dont think i'll go anywhere, im trying not to spend any money. getting a job will be good if only for that reason, i feel guilty running through my savings account. i have the least amount of money i've ever had in my adult life. i feel like im completely starting over.

i still dont even understand how everything fell apart. i made a huge decision to move and it totally backfired and blew up in my face and left me completely devastated and debilitated and diagnosed with bpd. i still dont even know if thats true. i do think it could be, but i also dont care about getting treatment for it bc i've lived my whole life up until now this way and i dont really feel understood or supported by any mental health professionals. i feel better off without them honestly, after the thousands of dollars i owe to the clinic that didn't even help me. everyone is imperfect, no one actually has the answers and i'd rather just figure out how to live on my own.

i thought about doing another iop but the resources in my hometown really arent that great. im going to just keep getting by half dead half alive, waiting for my suicidal thoughts to win and doing the best i can until they do. i have no greater aspirations, im not going to hope for more. this existence, pathetic as it may be, is all i have. i dont care about a career or becoming anything or achieving anything, im just going to live paycheck to paycheck until i cant make it anymore. i'll experience what i can and try to be good to people but i dont even have high hopes for having close relationships when i feel like this. i dont trust myself to be able to be a good partner or best friend to anyone. im going to keep myself on the fringes. maybe thats selfish and cowardly but so what.

i told myself im going to let myself start cutting again if i feel like i need to and just always keep my upper thighs covered. i think thats fine. its fine if i never fully recover or give it up. i might fall back into my eating disorder. having control is so difficult though, my binge eating has been winning, i could maybe see that changing though.

i feel like my perspective on a lit of things has changed since all of this has happened and i just want to keep everyone at arms length.

maybe i'll reach out to my few other friends this summer. ive decided to give up completely on my used to be best friend. its so obvious that if she wanted to talk to be she would and she literally doesnt and im tired of being hurt by that. im not wishing anything negative im not desperately clinging to the past, we just dont know each other anymore, and that was her decision. i have no idea how she sees it, but again that's kind of on her bc she could literally talk to me and she doesn't. ive reached out a handful of times since ive been back and tried to make plans and she leaves me hanging and im just done with it. im not angry im just done with it.

i feel like ive changed a lot. im not hopeful. im unenthusiastic. life doesnt hold the magic that it used to. i feel disconnected from most things. no one understands what im reckoning with just to stay here. its taking everything in me to not fall apart completely. life has no greater meaning to me, im just here until im not anymore and im not hoping for anything better than that. maybe i'll get to travel more and have fun experiences, but maybe i wont. im not owed anything.

i dont know how else to explain it. im never getting married, im never having kids, im never creating a legacy, im never going to have a fulfilling career or a stable financial situation. maybe one day i'll be able to live on my own again, but im not even counting on that. i feel alienated from my family and all my friends are cirumstantial. theres nothing special or meaningful connecting me to anyone. im just here until im not anymore. theres nothing special about it.

monday i get to be alone all day and that will be nice. im looking forward to it, though im not sure what i'll do. it's always a relief to be alone and to get to move at my pace and do what i want to do and not worry about being in anyones way.

tuesday i might see friends. my two friends who are dating want to see me and i might sleep over. maybe we'll have a sexy sleepover idk. we've been messing around, but i don't really feel anything about it and im worried they both have stronger feelings for me than i have especially since one of them is my ex. idk im just going to let it be whatever. we'll see how much like shit i feel and if i feel up to planning something.

i used to care so much about recovery mindset and its crazy how much i just literally dont anymore. im not exactly sure what changed. its probably just how persistent my suicidal thoughts have been. im just looking at all the stuff i have up on my wall from my last iop, and how my old therapist wanted me to reach out to her, and they all talked me up to going to get an art therapy degree and now im just like lol no. i dont have anything to say to my old therapist, i dont know if i'll ever reach out to her and i dont know how long she will care.

anyway yeah that basically just how ive been feeling. its summer and im completely empty inside and i dont have any hopes or expectations. life is just going to keep happening and i feel like complete shit and im done fighting it. im just someone who feels this way. i dont have any plans to improve myself. i was thinking i wanted to go to the gym again, but right now i kind of dont care about it at all. and i cant afford it. maybe things will change if i get a job again.

how hilarious would it be if i never work again and never move out of my parents house and just die one day. that could happen.

anyway today should be fine, tomorrow will hopefully also be fine, and monday will be good. maybe i'll work on art, write lyrics, talk to my friends. maybe tuesday i'll see my friends. and hopefully my withdrawls get better.

[neuroglow1]

Ketamine vs. SSRIs: The Pros and Cons of Each for Treating Mental Health

Mental health treatments have evolved significantly over the years, and new medications continue to change the landscape. For decades, SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors) have been the gold standard for treating depression and anxiety. However, ketamine, once used primarily as an anesthetic, has emerged as a potential game-changer in treating mental health disorders, especially for those who haven’t responded to traditional treatments. In this blog, we’ll explore the pros and cons of Ketamine vs. SSRIs to help you better understand the differences, benefits, and drawbacks of each.

Understanding SSRIs: The Long-Standing Treatment for Depression

SSRIs are commonly prescribed to treat depression, anxiety, and other mood disorders. They work by increasing the amount of serotonin—a neurotransmitter in the brain responsible for regulating mood, anxiety, and happiness. By preventing the reuptake of serotonin, SSRIs help keep serotonin levels higher in the brain, leading to improved mood and reduced symptoms of depression.

Popular SSRIs include medications like fluoxetine (Prozac), sertraline (Zoloft), and escitalopram (Lexapro). These medications are often the first treatment prescribed to those with depression and anxiety due to their proven efficacy, safety profile, and easy accessibility.

However, SSRIs are not without their limitations. For one, they can take several weeks to begin working, which can be frustrating for people experiencing severe symptoms of depression or anxiety. Additionally, SSRIs are not always effective for everyone, especially those with treatment-resistant depression.

What Sets Ketamine Apart: A Revolutionary Approach to Depression Treatment

Originally developed as an anesthetic, ketamine has garnered attention in recent years for its ability to treat mental health conditions, particularly depression. Unlike SSRIs, which primarily target serotonin levels in the brain, ketamine works by influencing the brain’s glutamate system. Specifically, it acts on the NMDA (N-methyl-D-aspartate) receptors, which play a critical role in regulating mood and brain function.

What makes ketamine particularly intriguing is its rapid effect on treatment-resistant depression. For individuals who have not found relief with traditional antidepressants like SSRIs, ketamine offers a powerful alternative. Research has shown that ketamine can provide significant relief from depressive symptoms often within hours of administration, making it an especially attractive option for those who need fast-acting intervention.

Ketamine vs. SSRIs: A Detailed Comparison of Pros and Cons

1. Speed of Relief: Immediate vs. Gradual Effects

Pros of SSRIs: One of the main benefits of SSRIs is their ease of use and long-term effectiveness. Once they begin working, SSRIs can provide stable, lasting relief from depression and anxiety. They are ideal for individuals who need consistent, long-term treatment and do not require immediate relief.

Cons of SSRIs: While SSRIs are effective for many, they can take several weeks (or even months) to show noticeable results. This delayed onset can be particularly frustrating for people in the midst of an acute depressive episode who need immediate relief.

Pros of Ketamine: Ketamine has a major advantage in its rapid onset of action. Many individuals report feeling relief from depressive symptoms within hours of receiving a single dose of ketamine, which makes it highly attractive for patients needing quick relief.

Cons of Ketamine: While ketamine can provide immediate relief, its effects are typically short-lived and require follow-up treatments. Additionally, ketamine is often administered in a clinical setting, making it less accessible than SSRIs for some individuals.

2. Effectiveness for Treatment-Resistant Depression

Pros of SSRIs: For individuals with mild to moderate depression, SSRIs are effective and can significantly improve mood over time. SSRIs are considered first-line treatments for a reason—they work for many people, especially when prescribed early in the course of depression.

Cons of SSRIs: For those with treatment-resistant depression (depression that doesn’t respond to conventional medications like SSRIs), these medications may not offer enough relief. People who have tried multiple medications without success may find SSRIs ineffective and need an alternative treatment like ketamine.

Pros of Ketamine: Ketamine has shown remarkable success in treating treatment-resistant depression. Many patients who haven’t responded to SSRIs or other traditional antidepressants report rapid and significant improvement after ketamine treatment. For this reason, ketamine is a groundbreaking option for those who have struggled with chronic depression.

Cons of Ketamine: Despite its success for some patients, ketamine remains an experimental treatment, and its long-term effects are still being researched. It is also a more expensive option, and access may be limited, as it requires administration in a clinical setting and is often not covered by insurance.

3. Mechanisms of Action: How They Work in the Brain

Pros of SSRIs: SSRIs primarily target serotonin, a neurotransmitter involved in mood regulation. By increasing serotonin levels in the brain, SSRIs help to improve mood and reduce anxiety over time. While effective for many, SSRIs can take weeks to show significant effects, and some people experience side effects that limit their usefulness.

Cons of SSRIs: The delay in the action of SSRIs can be frustrating for people who need quick relief. Additionally, there are side effects such as weight gain, sexual dysfunction, and nausea, which may deter people from continuing treatment.

Pros of Ketamine: Ketamine, on the other hand, works rapidly and through a different mechanism—targeting the glutamate system. By acting on NMDA receptors, ketamine not only provides immediate relief but also encourages the growth of new brain cells, potentially reversing the effects of long-term depression.

Cons of Ketamine: The long-term effectiveness of ketamine is still under study, and while its rapid action is beneficial, it may require continuous treatments to maintain its benefits.

4. Side Effects and Safety

Pros of SSRIs: SSRIs are generally well-tolerated by most individuals. Side effects, if they occur, are typically mild and short-lived. Common side effects include nausea, headache, insomnia, and sexual dysfunction. For most people, these side effects improve over time as the body adjusts to the medication.

Cons of SSRIs: Some individuals experience persistent side effects, such as weight gain or sexual dysfunction, which can significantly impact their quality of life. Additionally, there is a risk of serotonin syndrome, a rare but potentially life-threatening condition caused by too much serotonin in the brain.

Pros of Ketamine: The most immediate side effects of ketamine are typically short-lived and include dizziness, nausea, and dissociation (feeling detached from reality). Ketamine is also generally well-tolerated, especially when administered in a clinical setting under medical supervision.

Cons of Ketamine: Ketamine has potential for misuse, and because it’s an anesthetic, it can cause dissociation, which some people find unpleasant. There’s also a concern about addiction, though research into this area is still ongoing. Ketamine treatments are also generally expensive and may require multiple sessions, which can add to the cost and time commitment.

5. Cost and Accessibility

Pros of SSRIs: SSRIs are widely available and affordable. They are usually covered by insurance, and patients can obtain them from a primary care physician or psychiatrist. This makes them easily accessible for most people, regardless of income level.

Cons of SSRIs: Although SSRIs are widely prescribed, their delayed effect may not be ideal for people who need immediate relief. Also, some individuals may experience side effects that can affect their quality of life, leading to discontinuation of the medication.

Pros of Ketamine: Ketamine can offer rapid relief for people who need immediate help, making it an attractive option for people in crisis situations.

Cons of Ketamine: Ketamine is often not covered by insurance and can be expensive. Its administration in specialized clinics also makes it less accessible to those who may not live near these facilities. Furthermore, it often requires multiple sessions, which can add to the cost and time commitment.

Conclusion:

Choosing between Ketamine vs. SSRIs depends on various factors, including the severity of your depression, your response to previous treatments, and your overall health. For most individuals with mild to moderate depression, SSRIs remain the first-line treatment option due to their affordability, safety, and established effectiveness.

However, for those with treatment-resistant depression, ketamine offers rapid relief and a new hope for those who haven’t found success with traditional medications. If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, consult a healthcare provider to discuss the most appropriate treatment based on your unique needs.

[onkort]

12/21/24 (7:35p)

my goal of no more procrastinating started on a good foot today. i woke up, gotten ready to take on the day and deep cleaned the hell out of my room. i vacuumed up everything, threw a lot of stuff out that i no longer needed / that served me. i threw some of my stuff in my washer and just had a super productive morning.

after i had a small lunch i started to fold the next load of laundry before i went to see my doctor today.

to start off they basically want to start off by treating my anxiety, i have to go back in within 10 days so they can adjust my medication. the med (zoloft) is to also help my depression a little bit. so like two birds w one stone

we’ll see how it goes and i won’t knock it until i try it :p. when the psychiatrist asked me to do a teach back of the medication, they were surprised with how much i had already known / understood about it 😭

the biggest thing i thought about today was stagnation. the idea of it was brought on by a few things, and one of them being parents to children. there was something else, but i don’t want to really put it online. but when i look at a lot of parents, they never change? my grandparents have always been the same, my parents have always been the same. i understand it’s their first and only time of living, but to never grow as people once they became parents? it’s a weird concept. i’m definitely going to be the change though. i don’t want to stay the same, and i don’t want to fall into old habits. i want to keep changing for the better & one day if kids ever come from me, then i want them to have the best versions of me.

anyway, it’s a short one today. christmas is around the corner & i’m still in an endless cycle of wrapping gifts !!

always,

-b

[imformation]

Understanding Psychiatric Medication Management: A Guide for Portland Residents

Psychiatric medication management is a critical component of mental health care that can significantly impact an individual's quality of life. For residents of Portland, understanding the ins and outs of psychiatric medication management Portland is essential for navigating the path to better mental health. This comprehensive guide explores the fundamentals of psychiatric medication management, including its purpose, common medications, the role of psychiatrists, and practical tips for optimizing your treatment.

What is Psychiatric Medication Management Portland?

Psychiatric medication management involves the use of medications to treat mental health disorders, such as depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia. It aims to alleviate symptoms, stabilize mood, and improve overall functioning. Effective medication management is a collaborative process between the patient and their psychiatrist, focusing on finding the right medication and dosage while minimizing side effects.

1. The Purpose of Psychiatric Medication Management

The primary goals of psychiatric medication management Portland are to:

Reduce Symptoms: Medications are designed to target specific symptoms associated with mental health conditions, such as mood swings, anxiety, or psychosis.

Improve Functioning: By alleviating symptoms, medications help individuals function better in their daily lives, improving relationships, work performance, and overall well-being.

Enhance Quality of Life: Effective medication management can lead to a significant improvement in the quality of life by reducing distress and promoting stability.

Common Psychiatric Medications

Psychiatric medications are categorized based on their effects and the conditions they treat. Here are some common types of psychiatric medications:

1. Antidepressants Purpose: Used to treat depression, anxiety disorders, and certain other mood disorders.

Types:

Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs): Examples include fluoxetine (Prozac) and sertraline (Zoloft). SSRIs work by increasing levels of serotonin in the brain. Serotonin-Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitors (SNRIs): Examples include venlafaxine (Effexor) and duloxetine (Cymbalta). SNRIs increase both serotonin and norepinephrine levels. Tricyclic Antidepressants (TCAs): Examples include amitriptyline and nortriptyline (Pamelor). TCAs affect several neurotransmitters in the brain.

2. Antianxiety Medications Purpose: Used to manage symptoms of anxiety disorders.

Types:

Benzodiazepines: Examples include diazepam (Valium) and lorazepam (Ativan). Benzodiazepines work by depressing the central nervous system, providing quick relief from anxiety. Buspirone: An anxiolytic that helps alleviate anxiety without the sedative effects of benzodiazepines. 3. Mood Stabilizers Purpose: Used to treat mood disorders such as bipolar disorder.

Types:

Lithium: Helps stabilize mood swings and reduce the risk of manic and depressive episodes. Anticonvulsants: Examples include valproate (Depakote) and lamotrigine (Lamictal). These are used to stabilize mood and manage bipolar disorder. 4. Antipsychotics Purpose: Used to manage symptoms of psychotic disorders such as schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorder.

Types:

Atypical Antipsychotics: Examples include risperidone (Risperdal) and olanzapine (Zyprexa). These medications are used to manage symptoms such as hallucinations and delusions. Typical Antipsychotics: Examples include haloperidol (Haldol). These are used to manage severe symptoms but may have more side effects compared to atypical antipsychotics. 5. Stimulants Purpose: Used to treat attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and certain other conditions.

Types:

Methylphenidate: Examples include Ritalin and Concerta. These increase dopamine and norepinephrine levels in the brain. Amphetamines: Examples include Adderall and Vyvanse. These are used to enhance focus and reduce hyperactivity. The Role of a Psychiatrist A psychiatrist plays a crucial role in psychiatric medication management Portland. They are medical doctors who specialize in diagnosing and treating mental health disorders. Their responsibilities include:

1. Conducting Evaluations Assessment: Psychiatrists conduct thorough evaluations to diagnose mental health conditions and determine the most appropriate treatment plan. Diagnosis: They use clinical interviews, psychological assessments, and sometimes laboratory tests to diagnose conditions and prescribe medications.

2. Prescribing and Managing Medications Medication Selection: Based on the diagnosis and individual needs, psychiatrists prescribe medications that target specific symptoms. Dosage Adjustments: They monitor the effectiveness of medications and adjust dosages as needed to achieve optimal results. Managing Side Effects: Psychiatrists address any side effects that arise and make necessary changes to the treatment plan to minimize discomfort.

3. Providing Ongoing Care Regular Follow-Ups: Psychiatrists schedule regular follow-up appointments to track progress, assess treatment efficacy, and make adjustments as needed. Collaborative Care: They often work with other healthcare providers, such as therapists and primary care doctors, to ensure comprehensive care. Tips for Effective Medication Management

To make the most of your psychiatric medication management, consider these practical tips:

1. Be Open and Honest

Communicate Concerns: Share any concerns or changes in symptoms with your psychiatrist. Open communication helps in tailoring the treatment plan to your needs. Discuss Side Effects: Report any side effects you experience. Your psychiatrist can adjust the medication or suggest alternatives to alleviate these effects.

2. Follow the Prescribed Regimen Adhere to the Schedule: Take your medications exactly as prescribed, at the right times and dosages. Consistency is key to achieving the best results. Do Not Alter Doses: Avoid changing your medication dose or frequency without consulting your psychiatrist. This can affect the effectiveness and safety of the treatment.

3. Keep Track of Your Progress Maintain a Journal: Keep a journal to track your symptoms, side effects, and any changes in your mental health. This information is valuable for your psychiatrist to make informed decisions. Review Regularly: Regularly review your progress with your psychiatrist and discuss any concerns or observations.

4. Educate Yourself Learn About Your Medications: Understanding how your medications work and their potential side effects can help you manage your treatment more effectively. Stay Informed: Keep up to date with the latest information on psychiatric medications and mental health research.

5. Seek Support Involve Family and Friends: Engage your support system in your treatment process. They can provide encouragement and help you stay on track with your medication regimen. Join Support Groups: Consider joining support groups for individuals with similar conditions. These groups can offer additional insights and coping strategies.

Navigating Medication Adjustments Medication adjustments are a normal part of psychiatric care. They may be necessary due to changes in symptoms, side effects, or other factors. Here’s how to navigate medication adjustments effectively:

1. Understand the Need for Adjustment Discuss Reasons: Talk to your psychiatrist about why an adjustment is needed. Understanding the rationale behind changes helps in managing expectations and adhering to the new plan. 2. Monitor and Report Changes Track Effects: Keep a close eye on how the adjustment affects your symptoms and side effects. Provide detailed feedback to your psychiatrist during follow-up appointments. Be Patient: Adjustments may take time to show results. Be patient and continue to follow your psychiatrist’s instructions. 3. Adjust Gradually Follow Instructions: Implement changes gradually as directed by your psychiatrist. Sudden changes can cause instability or new side effects. Stay Informed: Understand the potential impact of the adjustments and be proactive in addressing any concerns with your psychiatrist. Scheduling Your Appointment for Psychiatric Medication Management Portland If you’re looking to start or adjust your psychiatric medication management, Portland offers several excellent resources. NeuStart Psychiatry is a leading provider in the area, known for its comprehensive and patient-centered approach to psychiatric care.

Contact Information for NeuStart Psychiatry:

Phone: (503) 379-1902 Email: assist@neustartpsychiatry.com Website: Visit NeuStart Psychiatry Office Address: 308 NW 11th St., Suite 201, Portland, OR 97209 Fax: (503) 334-1617 Conclusion Understanding psychiatric medication management Portland is essential for effective mental health treatment. For Portland residents, a range of top-tier services is available to provide personalized, evidence-based care. By working closely with your psychiatrist, adhering to prescribed regimens, and actively participating in your treatment plan, you can optimize your medication management and achieve better mental health outcomes.

For more information or to schedule your site visit with NeuStart Psychiatry, reach out today and take the first step towards enhanced mental health care.

[lovehealgrow]

How the Heat Can Be Affecting Your Mental Health

Do you feel miserable in the sweltering heat of summer? It’s not just you. Millions of people’s mental health is affected by the heat, and not for the better. As temperatures rise due to climate change, the impact of extreme heat on our physical health is widely acknowledged. Heat-related illnesses and fatalities are frequently reported. However, what often goes unnoticed is the profound toll that heat can take on mental health. When exposed to high temperatures, the body’s thermoregulatory system is challenged. As it struggles to cool down, individuals can experience symptoms like dehydration, heat exhaustion, and heatstroke. These physical consequences can, in turn, have a direct impact on mental health.

Today, we’re going to explore this under-discussed challenge to mental health. Simply knowing why you might be struggling with your mental health can go a long way toward understanding and treating it.

Aggravation of Pre-existing Mental Health Conditions

High temperatures can trigger or exacerbate anxiety and panic disorders. The physical discomfort associated with heat can lead to restlessness and a sense of unease. Moreover, the fear of heat-related health issues can escalate into full-blown panic attacks, especially in those who are prone to anxiety.

Depression can also be impacted by the heat. Prolonged exposure to oppressive heat can deepen feelings of depression. Isolation caused by avoiding outdoor activities and social gatherings can intensify loneliness and despair, contributing to the vicious cycle of depression.

Good sleep is important for mental health, but sleep patterns are highly sensitive to temperature changes. In hot weather, individuals may experience sleep disturbances, leading to sleep disorders such as insomnia. Sleep deprivation, in turn, can have severe repercussions on mental health, including major cognitive impairment– another problem that heat can make worse.

Cognitive Impairment

Extreme heat has been linked to cognitive impairment, affecting memory, attention, and decision-making. The brain’s ability to function optimally is compromised when the body is struggling to maintain its core temperature. As cognitive abilities decline, individuals may experience heightened frustration and anxiety, making daily tasks seem insurmountable.

Behavioral Changes

Heat can trigger aggression and irritability, even in individuals who are typically calm and composed. The discomfort and physical stress caused by high temperatures can lower the threshold for irritability, leading to conflicts in personal and professional relationships. This heightened irritability can strain social bonds, exacerbating feelings of isolation and distress.

Medication Interaction

Many psychiatric medications don’t work as well in your body when it’s hot out. These medications make you more sensitive to heat and more susceptible to heatstroke. Unfortunately, these medications include SSRIs like citalopram (Celexa), escitalopram (Lexapro), fluoxetine (Prozac), paroxetine (Paxil), and sertraline (Zoloft). These medications are often the first line that doctors prescribe for mental health conditions– so if you’re on one of these medications, just be aware that they are less effective when it’s hot out.

Vulnerable Populations

Certain populations are more vulnerable to the mental health impacts of heat, including the elderly, children, and those with pre-existing mental health conditions.The elderly, for instance, often have limited mobility and may lack access to air conditioning, making them more susceptible to heat-related mental health issues. Similarly, children may struggle to cope with extreme heat, leading to increased irritability and emotional distress.

Climate Change and Mental Health

The increasing frequency and intensity of heatwaves are directly linked to climate change. As global temperatures continue to rise, the mental health consequences of heat will become more pronounced. This presents a significant public health challenge that must be addressed. Climate change anxiety can also exacerbate the problem, creating a negative feedback loop of feelings of doom and despair. This emotional concern can be overwhelming and very challenging to deal with without help.

Dealing with Heat and Mental Health

Heat can have a major impact on mental health, but there are strategies you can use to minimize this impact.

Stay Hydrated: Dehydration can exacerbate anxiety and irritability, so proper hydration is essential in hot weather to prevent mental health issues.

Cooling Centers: Many communities have established cooling centers where individuals can escape the heat. These centers provide a safe and cool environment for those at risk.

Education and Awareness: Public awareness campaigns can help people recognize the signs of heat-related mental health issues and encourage them to seek help.

Green Spaces: Increasing the availability of green spaces can provide shaded areas for outdoor activities, promoting social interaction and mental well-being. Community initiatives to plant shade trees can also help. Trees can drop an area’s temperatureby almost 3 degrees and provide a place that feels more comfortable than being outside in the sun.

Finally, if you’re experiencing distress during hot weather, you should seek help. Therapy can be extremely helpful for developing the coping skills and resiliency you need to deal with the challenges to mental health that extreme heat can pose. If you’re struggling with heat-related (or any other) mental health challenges, reach out to the therapy team at LoveHealGrow. Our expert staff of caring practitioners is here for you.

[phonemantra-blog]

Navigating the Maze of Antidepressants When it comes to managing depression and anxiety, finding the right medication can be a crucial step towards recovery. Zoloft and Lexapro are two widely prescribed antidepressants, each with its own set of characteristics and potential benefits. In this guide, we'll delve deep into the Zoloft vs. Lexapro debate, shedding light on their differences, and similarities, and which one might be the better fit for your unique needs. Understanding Zoloft: The Proven Contender [caption id="attachment_56873" align="aligncenter" width="2240"] zoloft vs lexapro[/caption] Zoloft, known generically as sertraline, is a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI). It's FDA-approved to treat a range of mood disorders, including depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), and social anxiety disorder. Zoloft works by increasing the levels of serotonin in the brain, which helps regulate mood. When considering Zoloft, it's essential to grasp its mechanism of action and potential side effects. This knowledge will empower you to make an informed choice when discussing treatment options with your healthcare provider. Lexapro: The New Kid on the Block Lexapro, also known as escitalopram, is another SSRI often prescribed for depression and anxiety disorders. It's a close cousin of Celexa (citalopram) but is considered a more refined version with fewer side effects. Lexapro targets serotonin in a similar way to Zoloft but with some differences in its chemical structure. Comparing Zoloft and Lexapro: Head-to-Head Analysis Effectiveness: We'll examine clinical studies and real-world experiences to gauge how Zoloft and Lexapro perform in alleviating depression and anxiety symptoms. Side Effects: A comprehensive look at the potential side effects and their severity for both medications. Dosage and Flexibility: How these drugs differ in terms of dosing options and flexibility in tailoring treatment to individual needs. Effectiveness in Alleviating Symptoms One of the primary considerations when choosing between Zoloft and Lexapro is their effectiveness in treating depression and anxiety. Both medications have proven track records, but let's delve deeper into their performance. Zoloft's Effectiveness Zoloft has been in the market for a long time, and its efficacy is well-established. Clinical trials have shown that it can significantly reduce the symptoms of depression and anxiety in many individuals. It's particularly effective in managing obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Moreover, Zoloft's relatively fast onset of action can provide relief sooner than some other antidepressants. This attribute makes it a favored choice for individuals seeking quick relief from their symptoms. Lexapro's Effectiveness Lexapro, on the other hand, is often touted for its potency and relatively mild side effects. Studies have suggested that it's as effective as Zoloft in treating depression and anxiety disorders. Its unique chemical structure is believed to contribute to its effectiveness, as it allows for better absorption in the body. The choice between Zoloft and Lexapro in terms of effectiveness may come down to individual responses. Some people may find one more effective than the other due to variations in brain chemistry. Weighing the Side Effects Understanding the potential side effects of Zoloft and Lexapro is crucial in making an informed decision. Here's what you need to know about each medication: Zoloft's Side Effects Zoloft can cause a range of side effects, which may include nausea, diarrhea, dry mouth, and sexual dysfunction. It's important to note that not everyone experiences these side effects, and they can vary in intensity. In rare cases, Zoloft may lead to more severe side effects such as serotonin syndrome, which can be life-threatening but is extremely rare when taken as prescribed. Lexapro's Side Effects Lexapro is often considered to have milder side effects compared to Zoloft. Common side effects may include nausea, headache, and sleep disturbances. It's also associated with fewer sexual side effects than some other SSRIs. However, as with any medication, individual responses can vary, and some people may still experience side effects while taking Lexapro. Dosage and Flexibility The dosage options and flexibility in adjusting medication are important factors in the Zoloft vs. Lexapro comparison. Zoloft's Dosage and Flexibility Zoloft comes in various strengths, allowing healthcare providers to tailor the dosage to the individual's needs. This flexibility can be advantageous for those who require a customized treatment plan. However, adjustments should always be made under the guidance of a healthcare professional. Lexapro's Dosage and Flexibility Lexapro also offers a range of dosing options. Like Zoloft, it can be adjusted to suit the individual, but it's worth noting that the dosing range may be somewhat narrower than Zoloft's. This means that Zoloft may provide slightly more flexibility in dosing. Interactions with Other Medications It's essential to consider how Zoloft and Lexapro interact with other medications you may be taking. Drug interactions can have significant consequences for your health and treatment effectiveness. Zoloft's Interactions Zoloft can interact with various medications, including blood thinners, antiplatelet drugs, and certain pain relievers like nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs). Additionally, combining Zoloft with other antidepressants or substances that affect serotonin levels can increase the risk of serotonin syndrome. Always inform your healthcare provider of all the medications and supplements you're taking to ensure safe and effective treatment. Lexapro's Interactions Lexapro also has potential interactions with other medications, including some antidepressants and drugs that affect serotonin levels. As with Zoloft, it's crucial to communicate openly with your healthcare provider about your full medication regimen to avoid adverse effects. Potential Withdrawal Symptoms Both Zoloft and Lexapro can lead to withdrawal symptoms if discontinued abruptly. Understanding these potential effects is vital for a smooth transition when changing or stopping your medication. Zoloft Withdrawal Discontinuing Zoloft suddenly can lead to symptoms such as dizziness, nausea, fatigue, and even "brain zaps." To minimize these effects, your healthcare provider will typically recommend a gradual tapering-off process when discontinuing Zoloft. Lexapro Withdrawal Lexapro withdrawal symptoms can include dizziness, headache, irritability, and mood swings. Again, it's essential to work closely with your healthcare provider to develop a plan for tapering off Lexapro if needed. Making an Informed Choice Choosing between Zoloft and Lexapro isn't a one-size-fits-all decision. Your choice should be based on a comprehensive evaluation of your individual needs, medical history, and discussions with a healthcare professional. Consider the following steps when making your decision: Consult a Healthcare Provider: Start by scheduling an appointment with a psychiatrist or mental health specialist who can assess your condition and discuss treatment options. Discuss Your Goals: Communicate your treatment goals, such as symptom relief, minimizing side effects, or specific concerns you may have. Evaluate Personal Factors: Consider factors like your medical history, current medications, and any past experiences with antidepressants. Monitor Your Response: Once you start treatment, regularly follow up with your healthcare provider to monitor your response and make any necessary adjustments. Be Patient: Finding the right antidepressant may require some trial and error. It's important to be patient and allow time for the medication to take effect. Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) 1. Are Zoloft and Lexapro the only antidepressant options available? No, there are numerous antidepressants on the market, each with its characteristics. Zoloft and Lexapro are two commonly prescribed ones, but your healthcare provider can help you explore other options if needed. 2. How long does it typically take for Zoloft and Lexapro to start working? The onset of action varies among individuals, but many people may start to notice improvements in their symptoms within a few weeks of starting either medication. Full therapeutic effects may take several weeks to months. 3. Can I drink alcohol while taking Zoloft or Lexapro? It's generally recommended to avoid alcohol while taking these medications as alcohol can interact with them and increase the risk of side effects. Consult your healthcare provider for specific guidance. 4. What should I do if I miss a dose of Zoloft or Lexapro? If you miss a dose, take it as soon as you remember. However, if it's close to the time for your next dose, skip the missed one and continue with your regular schedule. Never double up on doses. 5. Are there any dietary restrictions while taking Zoloft or Lexapro? There are no specific dietary restrictions, but maintaining a healthy diet can complement your overall mental health. Avoiding excessive caffeine intake can help manage anxiety. 6. Can I switch from one antidepressant to another, like from Zoloft to Lexapro? Switching antidepressants should be done under the guidance of a healthcare provider. They can create a plan to transition safely and minimize the risk of withdrawal symptoms. 7. Are there any age restrictions for using Zoloft or Lexapro? Zoloft and Lexapro are approved for use in adults, but they may also be prescribed to adolescents under close supervision. The safety and efficacy in children may vary. 8. What are the long-term effects of taking Zoloft or Lexapro? The long-term effects are generally positive, as these medications help manage symptoms of depression and anxiety. Regular follow-ups with your healthcare provider can ensure their continued effectiveness and safety. 9. Can Zoloft or Lexapro be used to treat conditions other than depression and anxiety? Yes, both Zoloft and Lexapro have been prescribed for various conditions, including panic disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). Your healthcare provider will determine the most suitable treatment for your specific condition. 10. What should I do if I experience unusual side effects or have concerns about my medication? If you experience severe side effects or have concerns about your medication, contact your healthcare provider immediately. They can assess your situation and make any necessary adjustments to your treatment plan. Conclusion In the Zoloft vs. Lexapro debate, there's no one-size-fits-all answer. What matters most is your journey towards better mental health. By collaborating with a healthcare provider and staying informed about the benefits and potential drawbacks of each medication, you can make a well-informed decision that aligns with your goals and needs.

[deluliya]

shutident again

Last year I was studying as an end-vascular surgeon. After my lovely and fucking university knowledge was on the level -100000, physical activity on level 10000 I was feeling dead inside and left the place.

I was sleeping 2 month for 16 hours straight, didn't go outside and feeling myself like a brick that've been thrown to the Bottom of the mountain and then to the bottom of the sea. I didn't know why I decided to make my childhood dream about being surgeon true even if last 2 years I decided that I will study CT, because I understood that medicine sucks a lot. Especially in Russia, where everything sucks.

After this I stayed at the bed for 6 month in total and didn't do anything for my inner child or for my others dreams. I don't know why. If another type of depression feels like this I wanna be dead not only mentally but also physically.

I understood also how many people can just have time like me, that they are struggling on workplaces and trying their best every fucking day. That fact and the fact my mom will not become younger and my father alive made me understand that without another diploma I will still be a sucker from fucking nowhere. Of course than I will become a sucker with diploma from fucking nowhere. But also the fact that I didn't like at all right now what I will do in my life kills me a lot still. Even if people of my age already got 2 jobs, 3 children, bank shit and etc.

When people really becoming grown up and why still somebody could get everything easier?

Im trying my best not to think about it but still when Im dreaming and I dreaming a lot cause I need just some kind of hope in this world im imagining situations like im suddenly will become super rich person ahahahahaha or whatever.

Of course I've got much more possibilities but why still I can't use them I don't know. And where is the border between feeling tired, anxious, bad as person and just feeling fine begins?

So I hope that this time everything will be better than last year. I need to buy Zoloft I think ahahahaha.

God please help me and my family and bring peace in our broken minds and also give us more power and money to continue this journey. Also give my uncle a nice wife. And help me get out from money and Russian hell and strength for every new step even its super hard. thanks for everything also.

Im not such a believer but sometimes thoughts like this helps me like Zoloft ahahahahahaha

so I'm a student again, I'm in a better city, I can do everything.

Especially I need to lose weight, learn new language and how to draw. I need a lot of money as everybody else ahahahah

[i-am-the-egg-to-rule-all-eggs]

I remember, on 9/11 of 2021, I overdosed on sertraline (Zoloft). I nearly killed myself that night. I took 1000 milligrams of the stuff right before I went to bed.

I remember my heart started beating faster and faster, and I started hallucinating after a few hours. There were candles over my ears, my pillow was made of cockroaches, the ceiling was alive and made of this dark mass that threw cockroaches at me. After hours of this madness, the hallucinations shifting all the while, I started to feel myself slip. The dark mass in the ceiling began to close in, and I felt raw fear. That was the only sensation in my body, icy cold terror. I gripped onto it for dear life, because that was the only sensation I felt.

Eventually, my room began to lighten. The hallucinations faded away, but didn't truly go away for 3 days. (I was eventually hospitalized for that. An EKG was done, and the doctors agreed I shouldn't have come back from that)

That fear though? That never went away. I felt it in everything I did, and I'm beginning to realize it had always been there, and I'm really good at blocking emotions.

Those were the years when I was the most depressed. I was struggling with feeling like an asshole all the time, because the people around me had convinced me I was just an asshole, I was never going to get better, and I was going to be dead before I was 20. I was also struggling with gender stuff, and called a sexual deviant for it.

I had an opportunity to leave, and even though I didn't feel like I was worth leaving, like I deserved to stay with the people hurting me the most, and I was just going to cause problems wherever I went because it was just me that was the issue, I decided in that moment that, I'm going to go for what I want, because that's selfish, and because I'm an asshole, assholes take the selfish option.

And my life was better. I got out. I began to see the brainwashing that I was put through.

Is that fear gone, that I'm going to be discovered for the asshole I am, and I'm just going to ruin everything, and this can never last? Of course not. I take meds for it now.

I understand the source now.

I wasn't able to do that until I got out.

So please. Keep hoping. Keep fighting. You're worth more than you know, and your day will come.

There is a sign in my school hallway that says

"what would you do if you weren't afraid"

It's a very standard school pep message. It's not incorrect but it's not very helpful in most cases. Avoiding complexity to try and have a catch all answer.

But dear sign that I pass every week day multiple times a day

Without my fear they would all see how horrible I am

It may keep me from success but at least It keeps my actions as those of an actual good person

[whyamiwritingfics]

Today Is Different

Characters - Blaine Anderson, Kurt Hummel

Summary - Today is different because today would be his last.

Word Count - 1,150

Warnings - Angst, Suicidal Thoughts, References to Depression, References to Anxiety, Suicidal Ideation

A/N - I had a hell of a time trying to format this correctly for tumblr so I hope none of it looks funky.

Read on AO3

He was drowning. Despite being firmly on land, he could feel the water flooding his lungs, dark, murky water that burned his throat and stung his eyes. He couldn't remember ever not feeling like this.

He couldn't remember a time when it didn't feel like the weight of the ocean was pressing down on his chest, water pouring into his lungs, trying to suffocate him. But today was different.

Today was different because he'd finally made up his mind. Today was different because the untouched bottle of Zoloft in his drawer would finally be put to use.

The pills hadn't done anything except make him tired, made it feel like a dense fog had wrapped around his brain and trapped him inside. They made him not even feel human, but like what he imagined the zombies in the movie he’d watched the other night probably felt like, stumbling and confused. They'd only made him feel worse. But tonight, he'd decided they'd do something else.

If you were to ask him why he picked today, he wouldn’t have an answer. If you asked him why he was doing it at all, he wouldn’t be sure which answer to give you.

He thought that knowing that today was different, that today would be his last, would feel almost as crushing as the imaginary waves in his chest. But it wasn't. If anything it made getting out of bed easy for the first time in a long time. The roaring water that smashed against his ribcage was calm. His limbs didn’t feel like lead as he got dressed, and he swore he could see a flicker of a smile in his eyes as he stood in front of the mirror, brushing his teeth. He felt lighter and made sure to spend a little extra time on his hair that morning, wanting to look good in his peers’ last memories of him. He felt like what he thought he vaguely remembered happiness feeling like.

Today would be different because today would be his first good day in a while. He couldn't ask for a better last day.

Throughout the day, classes seemed easier, his loud mind finally quiet. His brain able to take in the information it was getting, working as it should for the first time in a while. At lunch, he found the smile on his face was genuine. He laughed at Wes' jokes and even told a few of his own. He thought the story Jeff told was funny. He wished every day could be like this, that every day could be different. Everything felt easy. Everything felt right. If every day was like this then he might finally understand why other people didn’t feel like he did, why other people weren’t in any rush to leave. If every day was like this, he’d understand what people meant when they described the world in beautiful colors instead of the muted hues he’d become accustomed to. For him, life was starting to dull more and more each day. If he stayed, he knew his world would eventually be nothing but black and white.

But today was different. Today the lost color seemed to seep back into his vision for a moment. A beautiful day to end on.

It was time for the Warblers' performance. One last number for old-time sake. If anyone felt the need to remember him, he hoped they would remember him like this. Remember him for the person he wished he could be.

His pace wasn't as quick as the others making their way to the common's room. He made sure to walk slower, taking everything in. He realized he'd never really done that before. Dalton was beautiful; a place he spent so much of his time in, and he’d never noticed how stunning it was until now. If he could appreciate it properly he might miss it.

He watched his classmates pass by and found himself wondering how long it would take for the news to spread tomorrow. He wondered how long it would take for everyone to know. How long would it be before someone got ahold of his parents? His dad had never really tried to get to know him after they rebuilt that car last summer. He’d realized he couldn’t make him into a version of a son he wanted, so maybe he wouldn’t even care. Why mourn someone who’s more or less a stranger? His mom would probably be a little sad over it. As distant as she was he knew she cared about her family. Still, if she cared so much she’d be home more wouldn’t she? It might hurt her, but only for a little while, nothing she couldn’t get over. What about his brother? He and Cooper hadn’t spoken in five years. He might not even remember he has a little brother. The Warblers might be the people that missed him, but he figured they’d soon realize they were better off. Things would be easier without him. If they missed him, it wouldn’t be for long. Good.

He pushed the thoughts aside; there was nothing to dwell on anymore. Today was the day.

He tried to speed up as he reached the stairs, realizing how bad it would look to be late for his last performance. Today is different, but he can’t be. How bad would it be if his friends' last memories of him were less than the perfect he wanted them to be?

The staircase was starting to clear out as the last of the students not in the common room made their way over. Damn, he should hurry, he didn't want to upset anyone on his last da-

"Excuse me, can I ask you a question? I'm new here."

He turned. The boy on the stairs wasn't in a Dalton uniform which made him doubt he was actually a student despite his words. He couldn’t help but wonder why he was really here.

But why did he care? And why did something in him scream that he knew this boy? Now he was curious.

"My name's Blaine."

"Kurt."

He didn't know this boy, Kurt, but he felt like he should. He wanted to at least.

He was gonna be late. He should probably use a shortcut. He should bring the boy with him. He seemed interested in the glee club, maybe he’d enjoy it. It wouldn’t hurt to have one more audience member for his final number.

Kurt's hand was warm in his own. It felt nice. He'd ask what he was really doing here later.

Maybe the number wouldn't be his last after all. The boy intrigued him. He didn’t want to leave without any answers. He wants to know who the boy next to him is. He wants to know why he feels like he already does.

Today is different, but now for a different reason.

[hurricanemarie]

Into to the storm......

My oh my where do i start... welp my name is Vanessa I’m 36 and this is my first attempt at blogging... if you couldn’t already tell.However it is something I have thought about doing for a long time and I sure as hell have the time and more stories to tell or things to rant about then I can count. So if you’re interested ( I promise it gets better...well more interesting) I hope you stay and learn about the rollercoaster that was and at times still is my life. 

Again like i said where the heck do I start?!? Well for one you can always shoot me a message with any questions or ideas and i would be more than happen to answer or write about them. I’m not the best writer, but the stories I have to tell you just cant make up. Lets see I guess we’ll try to ease in a little bit with an early story so I don’t scare you away.Its 2000 im 13 years old and confused as hell.I don’t fit in, I am insanely shy, I don’t like to socialize or have many friends. I pretty much hate everything and I don’t know why. I finally build up the courage to confide in my father looking for help and advice because i know something just isn’t right. He in return tells me “ it’s nothing. I’m just growing up and it will pass.” I wish I could remind him of that now... So of course in response to his very uncaring and horribly wrong advice I resort to doing what I am now famous for doing best. I self destruct. I start using self harm and cutting as a way to cope with all these horrible feelings I don’t understand. I develop an eating disorder until I am a size zero, and start partying like a rockstar. It takes about almost a year of this behavior, some serious injuries, and getting alcohol poisoning 3 or 4 times until he finally agrees to believe maybe something really is wrong.

So I get sent to my first of many psychiatrists. I probably say maybe 4 or 5 words because this guy is creepy as fuck and the last person i want to talk to. Yet still i am diagnosed with depression and put on again my first of many medications Zoloft. We get home and my father tells me how proud he is of me and what a great job I did. And in return he bought something for me to show how proud he was....two mikes hard lemonades.Mind you I am no where near 21. And this my friends is where i believe addiction truly begins. Trust me I know there are many other factors. But to be given alcohol at such a young age by your father that you look up to as your hero to show you he’s proud of you is a good way to straight fuck up a kids head. You do something good? have a drink. You fuck up? have a drink. Sad? drink Happy?drink...and so on. So like i said i believe this is a big part of where everything all went downhill. Do I blame him? honestly sometimes..but the rational side of me knows it is not his fault 100% 

Anyways, I know this post was not one of the most interesting. But i wanted to introduce myself without scaring you away, although there’s a good chance that may happy later. But thats my intro to the storm of me and I will be back often Im sure to share more and rant about how much this world pisses me off.

xoxo

[flameontheotherside]

When I started feeling Erik again...

This was in 2016 around summer. The dreams started happening again. I felt Erik kiss me and I woke up to find Vince asleep, snoring. I was drinking a lot, not medicated, seeking an escape from the feeling of Erik. For years I pushed Erik out of my mind but deep down I knew the psychic was right about Erik's death. I OD'd in 2012 and since then had to believe he was still physically alive.

I was drinking and crying all the time. It got so bad I self harmed. It's embarrassing to write about. I needed the pain, something else to focus on. When it wore off I started popping pills and drinking to numb me. Things between me and Vince was bad. I had that feeling again about Erik that I couldn't understand. When you can explain how you feel and you don't understand it yourself, it can drive you to do stupid things like stand just a step away from incoming traffic. Instead I sat on the sidewalk crying my eyes out on the phone with a friend.

That's when I decided to get back on my meds.

I have been ever since. The reason I stopped was because I didn't want my intuition. The pills gave me a clear head. It was easy to concentrate therefore easier for my intuition to be felt. Even off meds I can feel it but not as strong. It didn't matter what meds and I've been on many. If they worked, I can think better manage my anxiety, depression, PTSD, ocd and even tourrettes much better. It's nice to not drop things all the time. Growing up intuitive, I would see the future, see dead people (even my mom's dog), but it stopped in the middle of 9th grade I think because my bipolar was starting to show it's ugly head. So my intuition sort of left.

Saw a therapist for a very short time. Thinking back, he kinda looked like Erik. I really liked him so when I heard he left I didn't want to see anyone. Honestly, I hate therapists. I grew up seeing several specialists who had no idea girls can be autistic. I just wanted to be normal. So being able to talk to that therapist was very nice. The Zoloft and respiradone combo was working too. Vince and I were doing well.

Then I started to lactate (a side effect)...

This was winter 2017 so since then, Seroquel became my friend. I go my job back at the bankruptcy firm. Things seemed to go well. That was until I was bedridden from the flu for 2 weeks being forced to stay in bed and watch YouTube for proof of life after death because a friend of the family recently died. Nice women too. I had a dream with her and then dreams with Erik started up again. Even saw his face and heard him beg me for forgiveness.

My higher self was upset with Erik it turns out.

In trance, I saw her chew Erik out for invading my dreams like he had because it had a negative effect. It was a catalyst for change. A necessary change. It got me to get back on meds. It was starting to have an effect on my intuition strengthening. While I laid in bed sick as FUCK, I prayed to God that if he really existed to give me a new lease on life. I said that if I'm really intuitive that I will get it back and use it for good...TA-DAAAAAA! Here I am.

My higher self wasn't satisfied. I saw her concern for me. All she wanted was for Erik to promise protection for me. She wasn't sure if she could alone. Afterall, I'm stubborn and hard-headed. It was so wired to see. It flashed very quick. Like a movie on fast forward but can see and understand everything.

This journey then started in 2017. You know what in all these years, I've not really been harmed. I'm just owning my truth and sharing that unconditional love exists even after death. TF or not, I don't care. I can't be angry at Erik for waking me up. God answered my prayers. Also, I loved all those dreams. They meant a lot to me. They still do.

Not only did I get my intuition back I have had a fresh start!

I went through homelessness for a year and seen so many miracles that I know for certain at least for me, that God exists! He came through again when I asked for a bigger apartment. I just got approved. Anyway, I moved 3k miles away from home and started my new life in Washington with Rick who has been so good to me and Erik loves him. Since then, I've rebuilt what I had back before I was homeless. I was missing a bigger home. Now it's complete when we move in January. It's about the same size as my old condo in Florida.

All this is why I can't deny my story. I've seen way too much good in this journey to turn my back on Erik again. I was scared and I didn't want to be crazy. All my life I just wanted to be normal. But what IS normal? I clung to that and I was athiest then agnostic. Now I'm not afraid and I have my life back. We also had three lives we couldn't be open about our relationship. I was scared and frustrated in those lives. It's over now.

That bullshit is fucking over!

😘💕 Extra happy day!

[michaelgambons]

Baseline Romantic

Chapter 7

Warnings: poor mental health, hospitals, cuteness overloads

Y/N woke up late on the Sunday morning, and spent a couple of minutes scrolling through twitter before groaning slightly and getting up.

Voices were coming from the kitchen, she could recognise Ben’s, but the other voice was unfamiliar.

Y/N detoured away from the kitchen to the bathroom to look at herself in the mirror. She didn’t know who was in the kitchen, but she sure as hell didn’t want to meet them looking quite as messy as she did right now.

Entering the kitchen a few minutes later, face washed and hair tied back, Y/N saw Ben with his back to her, busy with the toaster, in his joggers. At the table was a young, tall, blonde haired girl, who was wearing one of Ben’s sweaters.

‘Hi!’ Y/N said brightly as she came in.

Ben swung round, and smiled at her brightly, looking almost relieved to see her.

‘Hey, Y/N. This is Bella’ he said, gesturing at the blonde girl sat at the table.

‘Nice to meet you Bella! Is there any chance of some toast Ben? I won’t intrude for too long, I’m meeting Charlie at 2’

As Ben turned round to the toaster, you sat down at the table.

‘I’m sure I recognise you from somewhere’ Bella said. Thinking she was referring to Ben, you didn’t glance up from your phone.

‘Y/N, isn’t it? Yeah I’m sure I recognise you from somewhere’

‘Me? Sorry, I’m so used to people asking Ben that. Um, maybe, I’m on the news quite a bit - I’m a political commentator’

‘That’s it! We always have News24 on in the background at work- I must have spotted you then!’

You smile vaguely at her, with limited desire to prolong the discussion. ‘Where do you work Bella?’

‘I do PR. That’s actually how we met last night’ she giggled slightly and turned to Ben, who smiles vaguely at her, before quickly turning away. ‘I did the PR for the event we were both at’

‘Oh nice’ Y/N said vaguely.

‘I’m just going to hop into the shower, will you be ok Bella? Help yourself to any food while I’m gone’ Ben said, already out the door.

Bella smiled at him as he leaves, resembling a hungry chiwawa.

‘So, I can imagine Ben brings loads of girls back here’ Bella said turning back to Y/N. Feeling slightly annoyed to be being talked to again (did this girl not understand mornings?) Y/N said ‘only about as many as I bring back myself’. She winked at Bella, who looked taken aback.

You mock checking the time. ‘Oh shit, I need to dash. Really lovely to meet you Bella’

‘Yeah, you too! Hopefully I’ll see you again’ Bella called after you.

You smiled to yourself as you went back to your bedroom. You knew the likelihood of that was next to nothing.

—————-

After making sure that Bella had left, you drifted into the living room and sunk into a sofa. Ben sulked in after you, towel slung around his waist and droplets of water falling down his chest.

After lockdown had ended, it had been agreed that Ben would move in permanently with you and Catherine. You were more than happy with that. You loved having Ben around, loved the domestic fluffiness of it all. Only, with Ben moving in had also come the trickle of women who fell out of his bedroom.

‘A blonde named Bella who works in PR. Really Ben? You’re becoming some sort of seedy playboy- are you sure you’re not batman by night?’

Ben laughed, but looked slightly embarrassed.

‘I hope we didn’t keep you awake last night. Bella was really loud’ he says.

You snort. ‘No don’t worry, I was out like a light; fucking shattered. My new pills are knocking me out like clockwork. Anyway, just loud makes a welcome change to that squeaky one a few weeks back’

Ben laughs. ‘Christ, what was her name?’

You shrug at him. ‘If you can’t remember I’m certainly not going to. She could definitely remember yours though’. She imitated Ben’s squeaky one night stand ‘ooooh Ben, yeah just there- eeeek!’

Ben chucked a cushion at her. ‘Shut up, you’re triggering too many memories’ he laughs.

‘All I’m saying is I think you need a better vetting process’ Y/N said as she left the room, pausing to ruffle Ben’s hair as she left.

Y/N sat back on her bed. Absentmindedly her hand crept towards her panties, and slid beneath her waistband. It wasn’t a coincidence that the first thing that came to mind was Ben’s glistening post shower abs. She imagined that instead of going back to her room, she had instead gone over to him, and stared him straight in the eye as she pulled his towel away from him. Sinking down on her knees she had engulfed his dick with her mouth, and looking up, had seen him staring down at her, eyelids fluttering. She was still picturing his face as she came, quickly, brutally, writhing in her bed, his name on her lips.

This wasn’t the first time she’d got off to Ben whilst they’d lived together. In many ways it was quite useful having such a cache of material wondering around the house she could select from. She’d got quite good at telling herself she was just physically attracted to Ben. She loved Ben as a friend and a small part of her wanted to spend the night with him again. That wasn’t so unusual. Friends slept together all the time. Maybe if she could sleep with him again she could stop thinking about him. You laughed at yourself the first time it occurred to you. It was ridiculous and stupid and so unlikely to help. And it wasn’t as if she would ever act on it. He clearly wasn’t interested.

—————

That evening, it was just you and Ben in the house, Catherine was away staying at a yoga retreat in the Peak District. You’d been feeling increasingly unwell as the night progressed, and at 9:30 had muttered your excuses and headed to bed. As you were stood brushing your teeth, you suddenly felt incredibly light headed and before you had had the chance to sit down or steady yourself, you had fallen to the floor.

You came to a minute or so later, Ben peering over you looking concerned. As you opened your eyes his face flooded with relief. As you raised your head off the ground you realised he had placed you in the recovery position.

‘What happened?’ You asked, groggily, putting your face in your hands.

‘I’m not too sure. I just heard this crash from the bathroom, and shouted to see if you were ok. When you didn’t reply I came to check on you, and found you on the floor. You can’t have been out for very long- have you hurt yourself at all?’ He asked.

‘I don’t think so. I feel awful though, like I’m going to faint again’

‘Ok, I’m going to help you get into the living room,’ Ben said.

He gently lifted you to your feet, and as you steadied yourself, wiped a strand of hair out of your eyes. He cupped your face with his hands and your eyes met, yours glassy from your faint and his wide, full of concern.

Established on the sofa, you felt much better. Ben insisted however, on calling 101, much to your derision.

‘I’m calling them whether you like it or not, Y/N. Whether you speak to them or not is your choice, but I want to make sure you’re ok’

————

‘This is all such an overreaction’ you complained as Ben bundled you in his sweatshirt and helped you on with your jacket. ‘I fainted! It happens to people all the time. I don’t need to go to the hospital’

‘You heard what the woman said. She was worried it was a reaction to your medication. Come on, our Uber is here’ Ben said, offering you his hand to lead you out the door.

You held onto his hand the entire short journey to the hospital. You couldn’t quite place why, but it was comforting, warm, and he didn’t seem to resist. Once inside, checked in and sat on cold, hard backed plastic chairs, Ben had made sure you were settled before heading off to find a vending machine. He returned a few minutes later with a Diet Coke for himself and a bottle of water for you.

‘I thought caffeine was probably a bad idea until you’ve seen the doctor’ he said, registering your displeasure as you looked at the water bottle he had handed you.

You rested your head on his shoulder, and must have dozed off because the next thing you knew he was nudging you awake.

‘Come on, Y/N, they’ve just called us’ he whispered gently, helping you to your feet.

In the consultants office, you both sat down, and you handed your coat to Ben.

‘Y/N Y/L/N, right? And this must be your partner-‘

‘Flatmate’ both you and Ben said in unison

‘Sorry, flatmate. What’s been the matter today Y/N?’

You briefly explained the evenings events, looking to Ben occasionally for him to fill in any blanks you couldn’t remember.

‘The 101 lady thought it might be a reaction to some of the medication I’m on. I’ve just upped my dose of Zoloft, and she wondered if that could be it’

‘Do you mind me asking what you’re on that for?’ The doctor asked.

‘You name it, I’ve got it!’ You said brightly. ‘I’m on the Zoloft for my PTSD and depression, and until recently I was on beta blockers for my anxiety, but they were interacting with my asthma medication too much so my doctor took me off them and upped my Zoloft dose’

‘So you’re now on 150 a day?’ The doctor said, flicking through his notes.

You nodded.

‘I reckon that’s what it is, if I’m honest’ he said, turning to you. ‘That’s a big dose, and while it’s clearly what you need, it’s likely to have a few side effects with it. Fainting, or feeling light headed is quite common. If it doesn’t subside in a couple of days, I’d go back to your doctor, but for the meantime I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

You and Ben were silent in the Uber home. You were exhausted from the nights events, and still not feeling very well. Ben was staring out of the window, seemingly lost in thought.

‘Are you ok?’ You finally asked, as you took your coat off, glad to be home at last. ‘You’ve been quiet for the past 5 minutes which is completely out of character’.

‘Yeah I’m fine. Just glad you’re ok, it was quite a shock coming in and finding you like that... I didn’t realise just how bad your mental health was either. I know we’ve talked about it in the past, but you’ve always been quite blasé about it’

‘Yeah. I guess I don’t feel like there’s much to talk about. I just try and get on with it. No point burdening your friends with it unless you need to’ you said.

‘It wouldn’t be a burden though, not at all. I don’t want you to feel you can’t talk to me about things. I mean, I tell you all sorts of random shit, it’s definitely my turn to listen to you’

You yawn widely.

‘You must be fucking knackered’ Ben said. ‘Get into bed and I’ll bring you some tea’.

As you headed to bed he shouted after you ‘Do you want a hot water bottle too? It’s really cold tonight!’

You smiled slightly to yourself at his fussiness before you responded.