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planned-planethood · 3 years

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A list of things to be excited about in space exploration

In space science and exploration, things tend to move slowly. That is, until they don't. It is easy to lose perspective on exactly what is possible when the right people are providing the right support for exploration initiatives.

With significant advances in rocket technology, ambitious programs from one administration being continued by the next (THANK YOU, finally!) and funding for NASA at an all time high there are some exciting things coming up not just in our lifetimes, but possibly in the next few years for some of these. Here is a list of things that could actually happen which will make your imagination go wild:

- The Artemis program: the Artemis program was started in 2017. For years there has been intense debate about whether or not we should be returning to the Moon or sending astronauts to Mars. This debate, it seems, has finally ended. When President Biden determined to continue to support the previous administration's goals to return Americans to the Moon, all remaining opposition evaporated as the space-science community wants to simply conduct human exploration missions again regardless of the destination. Now, with essentially unified support and bipartisan political capital, the Artemis program looks extremely likely to survive.

It's more than just a return to the Moon though. We will be building a new space station called the Lunar Gateway. Gateway will orbit around the Moon and provide NASA with a way station from which SpaceX rocket ships will ferry astronauts to the Lunar surface. At this point, what happens next becomes a little more nebulous. NASA is currently researching the feasibility of founding a permanent colony on the Moon on the South Pole (I also have some things to say about this landing site in the future that I can't talk about right now, but resources could be slightly more plentiful than is known currently).

The target year for human feet to stand on the Moon again is no farther than the year 2024. This timeline can and probably will slip, but it's currently unlikely to slip significantly. Before the year 2030, we're highly likely to be inhabiting the Moon again, this time, with no intention of leaving. The Artemis program will aim to develop a lunar economy as a way of incentivizing both more public and private investing in lunar exploration.

One thing that I'm personally happy about is that with with rockets finally becoming cheaper to use, and spacecraft working autonomously now most of the time, it is predicted that the number of astronauts required to be experimental aircraft pilots from the military will probably go down. Let's send some more geologists to the Moon!

Oh and by the way, since I mentioned way stations earlier...

- Astronauts on Mars: This has been the holy grail-goal of space exploration since humanity has realized Mars was another planet. NASA's Artemis program is designed to not simply be a lunar program. The goal isn't just to create a lunar economy: the goal of the Artemis program is to create a sustainable lunar presence so that the Moon can be used as a way station for much deeper space exploration. The idea is that with easier access to the lunar surface, NASA will be able to rapidly run tests and develop technologies that we would need to embark on what could be the most treacherous and epic human exploration adventure in history. It would also be fantastic logistical support to a potential permanent or semi-permanent colony on Mars.

... and NASA may not even get there first.

SpaceX, eager to showcase their own Starship, is currently planning a human mission to Mars in 2026. Humans have never trod on another planet before. This event, whether done by SpaceX, NASA, or any other entity, would be one of the greatest accomplishments in human history. It would hopefully mark the dawning of a new era in human civilization, for the betterment of us all.

- Venus: It's been decades since NASA has sent a mission to Venus. The number of Venus experts has gradually dwindled, and now we are in danger of all of them retiring out of planetary science before their knowledge can actually be passed on. Thankfully, NASA just announced two separate missions to Venus to investigate basically everything you can possibly imagine. DAVINCI+ will send a lander to the surface and VERITAS will orbit the planet and map the surface in high resolution for the first time. We don't really know what sort of surprises this incredible world holds in store for us. It may be that we find a planet full of active volcanism, and evidence that long ago it was habitable for life as we know it.

Astrobiologists have recently begun paying even closer attention to this planet as there have been some interesting signs that, and I say this cautiously, Venus may have biosignatures. Ultimately, it's an entire planet, our neighbor, and we are going to see incredible images, and learn so much about planets, how they form, evolve, and improve our understanding of how easily a terrestrial world can become habitable. Both missions launch this decade.

- The Search for Life: There's been a veritable revolution in exoplanet hunting over the last decade. Missions like Kepler have provided us with mind-boggling amounts of data to go through, much of which has led to the discovery of so-called exoplanets, planets in other star systems. Right now we are closing in on approximately 5000 confirmed exoplanets.

It's almost impossible to mention exoplanets without immediately breaking into the subject of habitable zones. The fact of the matter is that we're well into the numbers game that one day, will turn up something stunning that will change humanity forever. In my opinion, it's a matter of time. With the rate of exoplanet detections growing rapidly, it seems like a matter of rapidly shrinking time before we come across a truth that, if it is out there, will reveal itself.

Scientists are currently studying a relativistic telescope concept which would make use of the light-bending properties of relativity, combined with the mass of the Sun, to warp light in such a way that it magnifies the image of whatever is in the warped light. Such a telescope could reveal surface details of an exoplanet: if there are oceans, we would be able to resolve them. Same to mountain ranges. City lights.

Whatever the truth is, it may be difficult to hide from the astronomers of Earth for much longer as our sight has officially pierced the interstellar veil and active searches for signs of life outside the Solar System have absolutely begun.

Breakthrough Starshot is a mission concept that would actually send a small spacecraft to our nearest stellar neighbor, Proxima Centauri. Around this star is an exoplanet: Proxima Centauri b. What would a flyby mission see on this mystery planet? Right now, we have no idea. Proxima Centauri b orbits in its star's habitable zone. Unfortunately, if this mission ultimately makes it off the ground, it would take in the range of 30 years to reach its destination and send its photographs back. Fortunately, that's within most of our naturally remaining lifetimes. I think it's worth the wait.

We won't be waiting idly however. Right here in our very Solar System, we are closing in on a number of ways in which the idea of a habitable zone can be played around with. Icy moons around places like Jupiter and Saturn have seriously reopened questions of where life-as-we-know-it could live. Queue the discovery of the ecosystems living around hydrothermal vents at the bottom of the lightless oceans of Earth. Diverse communities of never-before-seen creatures were living entirely without sunlight being involved at any point in their ecosystem.

Scientists now believe hydrothermal vents exist on moons like Europa and Enceladus, inside liquid water oceans, hidden under the ice. In a few years, NASA is launching a mission to fly around Europa. Perhaps it well get a chance to fly through one of the erupting geysers and take a look around. A mission to land on the surface is being designed as we speak to be proposed to NASA.

Never in human history, written and unwritten, have we realistically had to contend with the idea of knowing the Truth (as Mulder puts it). Well, contend away folks. We might not be wondering for a whole lot longer. Things might move slowly, until they don't.

Space exploration has never been boring, but we are without a doubt entering a golden age for space science and exploration.

(Image credit: Steve Jurvetson~NASA~NASA/JPL-Caltech~ESO/M. Kornmesser respectively)

#nasa #space #planetary science #artemis #astronaut #mars #moon #alien #extraterrestrial #science

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dreaming-in-alicante · 3 years

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New chapter is up! Way longer than I planned it to be, lol. I mention Grace training with a bow and arrow in this chapter and now I'm just thinking about how awesome it would be for her to bond with Gabriel over archery.

Chapter 2: Taking stock

Grace jolted as a loud bang echoed through the basement. She was grateful that she had set down her glass beaker a moment before, else she surely would have dropped it. She whirled swiftly around, locating Christopher, and was relieved to find him startled but unharmed. Still, she asked, “Are you alright?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” he said, inspecting his shirtsleeve where a hole had burned through. “My apologies. It turns out that combining a Swiftness rune with my current modified rune does not in fact make a message travel as desired, it just causes the message to explode,” he said, unfazed. He had been working on another long-time project, a way to send messages in an instant. “Perhaps I should take a break and return to this project later when Henry is around to consult with. He should be back from Idris next week.” Christopher bent to write something in his notebook, then made his way over to Grace’s station where she had a solution refluxing over a Bunsen burner. “How are you getting on with the synthesis?” he asked.

Grace had been working her way through some of Christopher’s old notebooks. The best way to gain scientific knowledge, it turned out, was to do the experiments yourself. She was attempting to replicate his results on past projects. In the process, she was learning basic techniques and becoming comfortable with the various instruments and chemicals in the laboratory.

“It seems to be going well,” shee told him, “although the solution is a darker yellow than you have described in your notes.” This began a very informative discussion about reaction conditions and the purity of compounds. By this point, it was starting to get dark outside, and so Grace finished her experiment and tidied up somewhat. “I’ll see you – not tomorrow, with the family day– Sunday then?” she asked.

“That’s right! I had nearly forgotten,” Christopher said, smiling. “My parents have – wait a moment. I thought we were inviting you and Jesse over! Oh heavens, I hope I wasn’t in charge of telling you,” he said worriedly.

“They did remember to invite us. Jesse will be there,” Grace assured him as she located her coat.

“And you won’t?” Christopher asked, head tilting in confusion.

“I thought it should stay strictly family. Jesse will always be my brother, but Tatiana was never truly family. And I share no blood with you all,” Grace explained. “It all worked out anyway because I… actually have family of my own that I’m meeting tomorrow. Cousins, or technically second cousins, around my age who are coming to London on some business this weekend.” She had sent a letter to her father’s cousin soon after everything had happened, and quickly gotten a response.

“I didn’t realize you had contact with the remaining Cartwrights! That’s wonderful then,” Christopher said jovially. “Have you met them before?” he asked.

Grace shook her head. “Perhaps as a young child, but not that I can remember,” she told him. “They were thrilled to hear from me though. Apparently, they sent letters infrequently over the years. Tatiana,” she said, fists clenching, “never let me know about them, and evidently sent short replies to tell them that I was well, but didn’t want to see them.” It was just one more cruelty Tatiana had inflicted.

Christopher frowned and said solemnly, “I’m very sorry Grace. That’s a terrible thing. I’m sorry that you had to suffer under her for so many years.”

“The important thing is that I’m free of her now,” Grace told him. She had to leave so that she could meet Jesse on time for training, so she quickly put on her coat and started out. “Until Sunday, then,” she said, bidding Christopher good evening before she left.

_________________________________________________________

Grace felt unusually light as she made her way home. It was incredible, she reflected, how so much had changed in just over two weeks. Spending her day in the laboratory was strangely peaceful, despite the occasional explosions. For so many years she had been defined by other people: she was Tatiana’s obedient girl, Jesse’s loving and determined sister, Tatiana’s weapon. In the lab, with Christopher… she was learning how to just be Grace.

Things had also improved outside the lab. Bolstered by a new confidence, Grace had finally accepted Jesse’s offer to join him in training. She was pleased to find that she remembered much of the training they had done together before he died. Over the years she had practiced when she could, but those times were rare with Tatiana prowling the house at odd hours. She was fast becoming skilled with a bow and arrows. She was also learning quickly with a Seraph blade, an entirely new weapon, although she doubted she was yet proficient enough to effectively wield them against a demon.

It was immensely satisfying to train and think how horrified Tatiana would have been. Grace wore dark gear rather than pale silk and lace dresses, hair kept in a simple braid instead of elaborate styles. She was gaining muscles and callouses, as well as covering herself in marks to increase agility, speed, accuracy, and so on. She was no longer Tatiana’s flawless porcelain doll. Even when not training, Grace now preferred simple dresses – necessary when she spent extensive time in a lab where spills and fires were always a risk.

Grace usually joined Jesse for training either quite early or quite late in the day, when fewer people were at the Institute. Jesse would share new techniques that he had learned and spar with her, as did Lucie on the days she joined them. Lucie had warmed again to Grace somewhat, although she still was a bit awkward whenever Cordelia or James came up in conversion. Another wonderful outcome of training was a tentative friendship with Ariadne that began when she encountered Grace and Jesse while training one evening. Ariadne confessed she had been unsettled by the revelations after Grace’s trial, but she bore Grace no ill will. They had started trading book recommendations.

Three friends made in three weeks, Grace thought, quite a change after a lifetime with none. Well, perhaps she had friends before her parents died, but if so, she did not remember them. Although it was difficult to tell whether she was truly friends with Lucie and Ariadne quite yet and not just familiar acquaintances. Grace didn’t entirely know how a friendship worked, how one should interact with friends. However, she was sure that Christopher could be counted as a genuine friend. They spent lots of time together and talked about numerous topics and weren’t those basic elements of a friendship?

_________________________________________________________

Sunday came quickly and Grace arrived in the lab early, eager to start a project she had considered for several days – organizing chemicals and other supplies in the lab. There was a system, vaguely, but she felt it could be much improved. She saw Christopher do a double-take when he arrived a half hour later and realized she was there.

“Grace! Good morning. You’re early. Or am I late?,” he asked, perplexed.

Grace felt a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. Up to this point, she had always gotten to Grosvenor Square later in the morning. “I arrived early today,” she said, alleviating Christopher’s confusion. “I’ve been getting to work on organizing all the chemicals and other compounds. I am also creating a more thorough inventory.”

Christopher appeared pleasantly surprised. “Capital idea, Grace!” he said. He examined the inventory list she had started, and offered a few suggestions for the layout.

“Jesse said you all had a good time together yesterday,” she said, hoping to make conversation as she started rewriting labels that were stained or faded on various vials.

“We did! It was a fine time having the family all together and talking to Jesse,” Christopher said happily, “although there was a small mishap when I tried out another rune combination.” His smile turned sheepish as he added, “Unfortunate, but my mother said the important thing is that no one got hurt, and she believes the sofa can be salvaged.”

Grace smiled slightly at the story, comparing it to the version she had heard from her brother. Jesse’s description of the incident had included a fairly large blaze that nearly set Sophie and Gideon on fire, a good deal of shouting, and the confiscation of Christopher’s steles for the remainder of the evening. “Jesse did mention something about an accident,” she said mildly.

“How was your visit with your cousins?” Christopher asked.

“Splendid. They were both very kind, and easy to talk to. I’ll be keeping in contact with them now,” Grace replied. Truly, it had been a pleasant afternoon with her two cousins – Samuel, Grace’s age, and Sarah, three years older. They had exchanged telephone numbers, and the two had extended an invitation for Grace to spend a weekend with them in Idris at the end of the month, to meet their parents and other siblings.

_________________________________________________________

They were working in companionable silence that afternoon when a voice that Grace recognized as Thomas Lightwood’s called “Hello Kit!”

“Afternoon, Tom!” Christopher greeted him as Thomas stepped into the lab.

“Oh, and Grace. Good afternoon. Kit and Jesse mentioned you were helping out now,” Thomas said, looking a bit unsure.

“Hello, Thomas,” Grace said simply in reply. She turned back to the bench and busied herself inspecting a bottle, putting on a new label, and marking it in the growing inventory list. She had seen Thomas several times in passing, and he came up fairly frequently in conversations with her new mutual friends, but she had not spoken with him directly. She was grateful when Christopher began updating Thomas on his research, and Thomas’s scrutinizing gaze moved away from her. Evidently Thomas had stopped by early to catch up with Christopher before the Merry Thieves all went out that evening.

Grace did her best to avoid Thomas as she moved around the lab to get various chemicals or use different instruments like the microscope. She did have to interrupt their conversation at one point, calling Christopher over to inspect a vial, because did it actually contain demon poison? (It did – from a Raum demon to be precise) Several minutes later she searched for a bottle that she swore had been right in front of her. “Christopher, have you seen the hydrochloric acid?” she asked.

“Hm, I’m not sure that I have,” he said, searching around slightly, but keeping his attention largely focused on pipetting a solution.

Thomas sighed but smiled fondly as he plucked the bottle in question from among the glassware in from of Christopher. “It’s right here,” Thomas said, then walked over towards Grace. “There you are,” he said, handing her the bottle.

“Thank you,” Grace replied, taking the bottle from him somewhat clumsily. He started to turn, then halted.

“I know everything’s all still a bit awkward, but – especially after talking with Jesse yesterday– I just want you to know that I don’t hold anything against you, Grace,” Thomas told her earnestly. “Goodness knows I’ve made bad decisions myself. And when I imagine myself in your situation – if I’d had the opportunity to get my sister back,” he said, swallowing hard, “and only Aunt Tatiana for company, well… I’ll just say that I can understand your motivations. I hope that we can be on amiable terms.” He looked very sincere.

“I – er, thank you. I appreciate it,” Grace said, uncertain how to respond. That seemed enough to satisfy Thomas, however; he nodded at her and made his way back to Christopher’s work station.

The atmosphere was much less tense after that, but it did not last long. Christopher was somewhere upstairs, changing from his burned and stained lab clothing into something he was allowed out in for the evening, when she heard more than one person coming down the stairs. She looked up to see alarm rising in Thomas’s expression, and turned to see James and Matthew as they greeted Thomas.

“Ah,” James said, he and Matthew halting as they saw Grace. “Miss Blackthorn,” he greeted her coolly. “I didn’t expect to see you here.” His expression indicated that he would have much preferred not to see her ever again.

“It’s Cartwright again, actually,” Grace told him, fiddling with her pen, unsure what to do with her hands.

“Good afternoon, Miss Cartwright. What are you doing in my father’s lab? Are you planning to seduce Thomas or Kit now?” Matthew asked, voice bright with false cheerfulness.

Grace struggled to restrain her temper at the insult. “I am here to study science, and work on research with Christopher. I have been doing so for the last several weeks, in fact,” she said evenly.

“Science? You’re here to learn about science? With Christopher?” James asked, as he and Matthew stared at her incredulously.

“You expect use to believe that?” Matthew asked, eyebrows raised. “That you have suddenly been overcome with a burning interest in science, have come to the Consul’s house, and you don’t have some ulterior motive?”

Grace took a deep breath. “I am interested in science. I never had the freedom to pursue it before but I find it exceedingly fascinating. I am trying to find a place for myself, and a purpose. And Christopher,” she emphasized, “has no issue with my being here.” She stared them both down. “I know I did you terrible wrongs. I have apologized, to both of you, and many others. I don’t know what else you expect me to do,” she said in an icy tone. “And even if you doubt my sincerity, you must have by this point heard that my power was removed. Ask your mother the Consul,” she said, gesturing at Matthew, “or ask Jem Carstairs and the other Silent Brothers.”

It was at this tense moment that Christopher returned, changed into clothing that had not yet been stained or burned. “James, Matthew!” he greeted them happily, then seemed to finally register the fact that everyone’s expression looked strained. “Is something the matter?” he asked confusedly.

“Yes, somewhat,” James said. “You somehow forgot to mention that Miss Bla- sorry, Miss Cartwright has been helping you in the lab?” He stared hard at Christopher, face showing his disbelief.

“Yes, Grace has been helping. It’s been quite a good time so far,” Christopher said, still looking quite baffled. “Did you want to help too?” he asked, looking between both James and Matthew.

“We’re not upset because we want to help in the lab,” Matthew burst out, “we want to know why you not only invited our – our nemesisinto my family’s house, and neglected to even mention it!”

“Grace is our nemesis?” Christopher asked, looking even more bewildered.

“Kit, do you not remember the entire ordeal over the past few months? In which we discovered that for years Grace used a bracelet and demon powers to control my mind? Under the direction of your crazy aunt and my demon grandfather?” James asked with great exasperation.

“Oh that!” Christopher said, looking pleased that he had finally figured out what they were discussing. “Yes of course I remember that. Grace apologized! She feels very badly about all of it,” he stated, apparently expecting that to settle the matter.

“Kit, we are telling you that you can’t be sure of her intentions. She could still be up to something,” Matthew said.

“I am not-” Grace began to retort, but was cut off as Matthew continued, “It’s just that you have to see how it looks, you suddenly being all friendly with someone who is a known manipulator who, for very good reasons, does not get on with your friends?”

“Thomas has Alastair around all the time, and we never used to like him either,” Christopher said stubbornly. “I don’t understand why we can’t also be friends with Grace now too.” Thomas sputtered, clearly uncomfortable having his still-new boyfriend brought into the conversation. Up to this point he had been hovering nervously, eyes darting back and forth as his friends argued. “Grace has apologized,” Christopher continued “She’s here because she wants to pursue science, and seeing as neither of you spend much time down here, you wouldn’t see her much.”

Grace was astounded to see ever-cheerful Christopher looking slightly angry. His friends looked quite surprised as well.

“Also,” Christopher added, “isn’t it rude to be arguing about Grace while she’s still in the room?”

Clearly taken aback, James said, “I didn’t mean to…I – look, Kit, just…” His mouth tightened as he glanced at Grace, then back to Christopher. “Gwyliwch eich cefn. Mae hi'n aml yn dweud celwyddau,” he said in some odd language.

Christopher answered him in the same language, his tone still uncharacteristically sharp. “Hyderaf hi.”

The cousins stared each other down for another moment until an abashed-looking Matthew cleared his throat, breaking the silence. “We’ll go wait upstairs, I think,” he said, tugging James towards the stairs.

They left, and Christopher told Thomas that he’d be cleaned up in a minute if he’d like to head upstairs too. Thomas did so as Christopher capped his open test tubes and turned off the Bunsen burners, face still pensive.

Grace broke the uneasy silence. “I’m sorry to put you in a difficult spot with your friends, Christopher.”

Christopher looked appalled as he replied, “No, I’m sorry Grace. I suppose I never thought to mention that you were helping in the lab now. I didn’t think about how they would react if they just saw you down here.” He sighed. “I’m never sure what to tell which people, or predict how they will react,” he said sadly. “I think they’ll come around though,” he added, brightening. “I’ll talk to them tonight. Maybe if I just tell them about the experiments we’ve been working on, and your organizational system…”

Grace began cleaning her station as well, but she still had a remaining question. “What was it that you and James were speaking? Was it some demon language?” she inquired. She had not yet covered any demon tongues in her training.

Christopher gave a small, surprised laugh. “Not a demon tongue actually – Welsh. Although my father does like to say it’s quite unnatural,” he said, amused.

Grace hadn’t connected the pieces. She had known that James spoke Welsh. It would make sense that his cousins would speak the language as well. “What were you two saying?” she asked, curiosity getting the better of her.

Christopher looked somewhat uncomfortable, avoiding her gaze, instead focusing on his notebook. “James warned me to watch my back because you’ve been known to lie,” he said finally. He looked up, now meeting her eyes, and said sincerely, “But I told him that I trust you.”

Grace looked back at him, overwhelmed by his earnestness. “Thank you, Christopher. You don’t know how much that means to me,” she said softly, and her cheeks suddenly felt a bit warm.

“Of course!” Christopher said. “You’re a wonderful lab partner. As good as Henry.”

Coming from Christopher, who greatly admired Henry, Grace recognized that this was indeed high praise.

“I should be leaving now,” he said, grabbing his hat. “I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon?”

“Yes,” she answered. “Have a good time tonight.”

Christopher smiled at her as he left. Grace wondered what it meant that she felt an odd fluttering in her stomach at that. And as she made her way home, she kept replaying the moment in her mind where Christopher looked earnestly at her with bright violet eyes and told her that he trusted her.

#finished writing this instead of studying oops #gracetopher #tlh #fanfic #my fic #grace blackthorn #christopher lightwood

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dindooku · 4 years

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Now you’d had your fair share of tense meetings and interrogations before, but this one definitely takes the cake.

rating: E (swearing)

word count: 5,236

You stood in the middle of a large, circular room, surrounded by beings of similar attire to Kenobi. Some looked to be human, whilst some most definitely did not. Kenobi had given you a brief rundown of some of the council members on your way over, but the only two names you could remember were Windu and Yoda. He’d also advised you to address all as master, and that Yoda was referred to as the grandmaster, although he wasn’t too strict on formalities — which relieved you…a bit.

Before you had the chance to say anything, Obi-Wan introduced you.

“Council Members, this is Amy. She is a Commanding Officer for the 118th SAS forces from a planet named Earth. Unfortunately, we have never heard of the planet Earth, and Amy has found herself in an unfortunate circumstance. Amy, please can you explain to the Council Members how you arrived at Coruscant?”

Kenobi was being incredibly punctual towards the council members, and you got the hint. So, you tried your best to return the formalities in your response, using your Officer tone should do the trick.

“Council Members. Unfortunately, I would not call my presence to Coruscant expected, as to which you are most probably aware. On my planet, Earth, I am a commanding officer in our Special Services, who operates specialist operations and undertakes highly strenuous, dangerous, and tensile missions, including counter-terrorism, sieges, reconnaissance, and more. My most recent mission, however, is the cause for my attendance on Coruscant today.”

“My mission was to lead a command group of 6 into a classified area of uncharted forestry within the Amazon Rainforest. Upon entering the target co-ordinates close proximity, we happened upon an ancient temple, of sorts — which was decorated in the same symbols which line the pillars of this temple. Upon breaching the ancient temple, it became apparent that it was abandoned, or had not been interfered with for centuries. Upon reaching the center of the temple, I made my way through and into the middle of the room, in which I found myself blocked by an invisible force…a wall of sorts — it was nothing I had ever encountered before. I made the fatal mistake of touching this…wall, and if I remember correctly, it… it electrocuted me. It was odd… the whole room was static beforehand, and there was a significant shift in the temperature too — but what was even more abnormal was the fact that I was the only one that felt it. Anyway, after touching the…wall, I found myself waking up on the floor of one of the streets here, on Coruscant, and the rest is history.”

After finishing your little speech you took a deep breath in, and out. You needed to relax, your nerves were getting the best of you. You chanced a look over to Obi-Wan, who gave you a comforting look and a small, friendly smile.

“Unusual, this is. Heard of, it is not…” the little green frog thing spoke, and you quickly recognized this to be Grand Master Yoda.

“Yes, I agree. Say, you said you’re from a planet called, Earth?” Another Master asked.

“Ugh, yes, Master…” you stutter, realizing you didn’t know his name.

“Master Windu, but you can call me Mace,” Windu replied. He was just as stoic as Obi-Wan, however, his presence seemed to be darker, more stern, less patient — not necessarily a bad thing, but you knew you couldn’t give this guy shit, you had to be straight with him.

“Mace, um, yes, my planet is called Earth, from the Milky Way Galaxy,” you re-iterate.

“And you say you…you touched this invisible wall? And it electrocuted you?” He asked, leaning forward slightly on his chair, now resting his chin on his hand which was situated on one of the armrests.

“Yes, Sir, it… I could see my reflection, even though there was no mirror or ‘wall’, I can’t really describe it, it’s nothing I have ever experienced,” you mutter the last part of the sentence, you’re still just as puzzled by the strange events as you were as they happened.

“Interesting, this is,” Yoda chimes in again, his big ears drooping slightly as he rubbed his chin in thought. You glance back to Obi-Wan, who again meets your gaze with his, this time however he seems more concerned, his face wasn’t graced with his smile, and instead, it spoke of uncertainty. This certainly didn’t make you feel any better.

“And, you say that you felt a change in the feeling of the place?” Mace pressed.

“Yes, Mace, it…when we first entered the temple. The first thing I noticed was the temperature change, it felt hot, stifling even. But the biggest shift was odd, there was electromagnetic interference, my intercom stopped working, making a static sound from my mic piece. It also seemed to have an effect on my thought processes…everything became clouded almost like I was in a haze. Then, once I entered the central room, the temperature shifted to ice-cold, and the static grew even louder, to the point that when I was close to touching the wall, I couldn’t hear my men shouting at me. They…they were…” you couldn’t finish your sentence, the look of pure fear in their eyes had ripped you open. Now that you look back at the memory, you can feel the brutality of what has transpired in the last 24 hours. Their screams were hoarse, terrified. You’d never heard them like that, and the pure horror on their face, as if you’d just disappeared, it terrified you. Sensing your distress, Obi-Wan interjects.

“I think it’s wise we come up with a contingency plan, Masters,” he suggests. You hear his words but you’re still in a haze, the gravity of the situation was pressing down on you with an unbelievable weight.

“Hmm, stay with you, she must. Protect her, you will. Trained, are you, in combat?” Yoda asks.

“Uh, yes, Master Yoda. I have over 10 years of SAS operations experience. I’m specially trained in hand-to-hand combat and tactical assault.” You confirm. You were proud of your experience within the Army, but not necessarily proud of all the things you’d done…some haunted you, and those were secrets, admissions you were not yet ready to face.

“Great, this is. Accompany Master Kenobi on missions, you will help each other, you must.”

A wave of comfort and relief rolled over you. You’re glad that you know that you won’t be separated from the one person you trust on this god forsaken planet. If it means being escorted everywhere, you’d rather that than be left on the street, trying to find your way back across the Galaxy, home… if that was even an option anymore. You turned to Kenobi, who once again greeted you with a smile, this one wider than the others. It was infectious, and before you could control yourself, you were smiling giddily back at him. Jesus, what was this guy doing to you?!

“Master Yoda, may I ask where Amy will be staying? Surely there is a spare block or room she can—,”

“Padawan room, do you not have, Kenobi?” Yoda asked, interrupting Obi-Wan.

“Y-yes, Master Yoda?”

“Then stay there, she will. A close eye must be kept on young Amy, dangerous times this is, odd circumstances we find ourselves in. Time for doubt, there is not.” Yoda sternly replies. He really is one grumpy frog.

“Yes, Master,” Kenobi replies, keeping himself civilized despite his clear questioning of the living arrangement.

And with that, the council meeting was adjourned. Masters instantly began to filter out, obviously having places to be. You waited to be dismissed, as was habit, and after waiting you found yourself drifting into a distant trance of concentration — reliving the haunted events of your last mission.

Again, cutting you from your thoughts, Obi-Wan places a hand on your shoulder. His touch makes you jump, and you instantly crane your neck up to his, your eyes searching his for a hint of emotion other than pain and fear. And with a little quirk of his lips, he brings you out of your stupor, returning the feeling of giddy happiness you had felt only minutes ago. You relished in his ability to read you like a book and pull you out of your own mind, bringing you to the present moment, layering positive, good emotions over your soul. He was helping you in more ways than you could imagine, and you were helping him in more ways than he could, too.

“Come, let’s go get some food. I know a place,” he smirked, and you couldn’t resist the giggle which tickled your throat, so you caved, relishing in the moment. You followed him out towards the exit of the temple.

_____

Words simply could not describe what you were feeling right now. Maybe going to Dex’s on your first day was a step too far.

The complete multitude of emotions you were feeling was unfathomable. You’d compiled a mental list of things you’d never thought you would ever see in your lifetime:

* Flying cars: check

* Aliens: check

* Floating buildings: check

* Actual motherfucking wizards: check

These were just a few, and unsurprisingly it was the last one that caught you off guard.

“So I'm going to start calling you Gandalf now… or Potter…actually, space Jesus suits you better,” you chuckle from the diner seat of Dex’s restaurant. Obi-Wan had insisted that this was the best diner in town, and it was odd really, giving off a homely vibe - American diner aesthetic. This, you could get behind.

“Gandalf, Potter, Spa—Space Jesus? Who in Maker's name is Jesus?” Obi-Wan laughs heartily, these names really were something — he was truly awestruck in your imagination, the depths of your mind, and its ability to pull off wild stunts and stories like this.

“Well, Jesus is some guy from Earth, he’s from a Religion called Christianity. He’s the son of God, who some believe created all things. Kinda crazy if you ask me but each to their own, I don’t blame them. Potter is a wizard, he’s a kid’s book character who is basically going through what I am right now. Gets sucked into a world of magic and has to find his way through it, learning along the way. But Gandalf, he’s the real legend—,”

“Legend? Now, tell me about this Gandalf guy,” Kenobi chimes, leaning forwards in his seat, placing his head further over the table. He was completely and utterly enthralled by your descriptions.

“Well, see, Gandalf is known as Gandalf the Grey. He was a fine man, who was quick to anger, but just as quick to laugh. He had incredible wisdom, something he earned over his time in middle earth along Valinor. He was a mighty warrior, but also a gentle creature, who cared for all creatures of good-will and took pity upon those who were weak,” you scrambled. Finally being able to express your inner nerdy bookworm was therapeutic, especially when the one listening was as invested as dear Obi-Wan.

“Go on, don’t stop!” He nearly shouts, leaning closer in, his smile pulling an infectious grin from ear to ear like the Cheshire Cat.

“Well, Gandalf had immense power, but he would only use it to protect the innocent and good-willed. He fought for himself and himself alone, he was a server of Justice and Morality, no matter the consequences. Gandalf was a wise, wise man — funnily similar to Dumbledore, in fact,—”

“Who is the God’s name is Dumbledore?!” Obi-Wan laughed, completely dumbfounded that there was, even more, to go by. He loved his life on Coruscant and wouldn’t change it for anything, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t envy your experiences or knowledge of said wisdom-full wizards.

“Don’t even get me started on Dumbledore!” You laughed, leaning even further into the table. Never in your life had you gotten along with someone so well. It was weird, it almost felt like you’d known each other forever, and where just catching up after a long vacation. You were instantly best friends, and you certainly wouldn’t complain about being best friends with a man like Obi-Wan. The higher powers were certainly shining down on this boy when he was brought into the Galaxy. Something just clicked between you both, and you couldn’t feel more alive if you tried.

But, before you could give your hour-long prepped speech on why Dumbledore was the best wizard of them all, a robot had rolled over to arrive with your meal.

“Here’ya’are Darlin, ya new around here, aren’t ya?” The machine asked.

“Ugh, yeah, yeah I am, how could you tell?” You asked, slightly uneasy by the clear Artificial Intelligence of the robot.

“Honey, I would have remembered that pretty face of yours if I’d seen it before, sweetheart. Ya stunnin”,” she exclaimed. You instantly blush at the compliment. Even though she was just a machine, you felt like you were talking to a living being, and you didn’t mind that if all droids were this nice. You chance a look at Obi-Wan, only to see him nervously tugging with a loose chord at the end of his sleeve, although he couldn’t hide the smug blush that was plaguing his cheeks, bless.

“Thank you for your compliments... and the food looks delicious, thank you!” You chime back, eyes now glued to the incredibly crunchy-looking fries in front of you.

“Corellian taters’ are the best darlin’, enjoy!” She jingles before scooting off to serve the next customer.

You both quickly delve into your meals. You hadn’t realized just how hungry you were, and you couldn’t remember the last time you had any food of some sort of sustenance. You lived of ration packs in the Army, and a specially cooked hot meal was like Christmas for you. But, curiosity still has you in a bitter grip, so you pause for a moment and peer up to Obi-Wan.

“What is a Jedi?” You ask, now completely and utterly interested in understanding who exactly he is.

Obi-Wan stops mid-mouthful, slowly putting the fry he was about to devour back into the basket. He clears his throat and straightens up a little as if he’s about to give some sort of memorized speech.

“Well, my dear, Jedi are warriors of the Light, we are a force of good upon the land we live in. We are protectors who are united in our ability to utilize the Force, and maintain inner tranquility through seeking balance, avoiding emotions of anger and hatred, as those emotions lead to the Dark Side—,”

Whoa, whoa, hold your horses, Hercules. The Force? Light side, Dark side… elaborate,” you interject. This was all a bit crazy.

“Well, the Force is what gives a Jedi their power. It’s an energy field created by all living things, it surrounds us and penetrates us, it binds the galaxy together.” He exclaims. The worlds roll like honey off of his tongue, and you can tell you’re already addicted to his voice.

“…continue”

“Well, the Light Side of the force is the path that Jedi choose to walk, making ourselves vessels to the Force. The Dark Side is quite the opposite. Those that choose the path of the Dark side are considered Sith, and their intentions are solely individual, profitable.” He finishes. You can feel his emotion rolling off him in swathes. As soon as he mentioned Sith, his emotions dropped, the smile that once graced his handsome face is all but banished, instead, a hurt frown cripples his emotions. Trying to pull him out of his stupor, you blurt out the first question that comes to mind.

“So what powers do you have?” You ask, blunt as a knife.

“Well, for starters, I can do this,” he chuckles, and without moving a muscle a single fry starts to hover in the air right in front of your face.

“Shut the fuck up,” you whisper in astonishment. The fry drops immediately, and you bore a daring stare in Obi-Wan.

“How many times have I got to reprimand you on your language?” He chides, placing a hand out to quickly pick up and munch on the chip that had just been ceremoniously dangled by some invisible strings in front of your face.

“Do it again,” you demand, you have to see this again, just to make sure you’re truly not seeing things.

“If you insist,” he chuckles and points to a speeder parked just outside the window. And without even a hint of strain, the speeder lifts precariously in the air and swivels slowly around on an axis. You glance back at Obi-Wan, who is intently staring at the speeder. You look back, only to watch him gently place the speeder back down, now facing the opposite way from before.

“This is some Matilda bullshit right here,” you mutter, eyes plastered open in awe. You couldn’t imagine this man to be any better. He was incredibly handsome, so kind to an extent it hurts your heart, and now he’s just revealed he’s some sort of telekinetic space God. But your thoughts are cut short but the firm grip on your chin. Your eyes dart back to Obi-Wan, who is now glaring daggers your way.

His grip is firm on your chin, and he brings his head in closer to yours, maintaining strict eye contact.

“Stop. Swearing. Or I will have to make you.” This wasn’t an aggressive threat, not one that is meant to scare you or frighten you — no…this was something else. Obi-Wan Kenobi was flirting, and God’s… did he know how to press your buttons; all the right ones at least. And he seemed to have done the trick because now you’re completely and utterly breathless. All you can do is stare intently at the man you are now absolutely, one hundred percent reeling for right now. Fuck, you love space wizards, especially ones named fucking Obi-Wan Kenobi.

“I can read minds too, darling,” he mutters, slowly removing his grip on your chin, satisfied that he’s made his point…obviously pleased with the results.

“Hold up, you can read minds!? So you know what I’m thinking all the time?”

“Not all the time, only if I pry, but you are incredibly loud sometimes, dear,” he counters, getting back to eating his fries before they turn cold.

“…loud?” Okay, now you’re genuinely confused.

“Your thoughts are loud, but only sometimes. Yours is an odd case, sometimes I can hear what you’re saying, and sometimes I can't. Your energy in the force is…unstable. See, everyone has a Force signature, and when you have a large affinity of Midichlorians, you’re able to harbor the Force in greater ways, however, with you, it seems…the opposite, like you...repel the force, sometimes -- when your emotions are getting the better of you. This is something I haven’t seen before, and I think that is why Master Yoda wanted us to stay together, to make sure that we keep this under control,” He confesses, he begins slowly rubbing his chin in thought, clearly perplexed by whatever theory that was running around in that incredible head of his.

“Well, okay, Midichlorians? Force signature… I, I’m sorry but I don’t understand what you mean…and, maybe…could you maybe teach me to not be so…loud?” You ask, trying not to show your hesitation. Force signature? Did he say I repel the Force? As exciting as being next to Obi-Wan, it was also quite terrifying to know that, or to feel like there was something wrong with you, and that they had no idea how or what to do…and that for the meantime you’re just going to have to sit around and make yourself useful. But, thinking about the incredible telekinesis you’d just witnessed, excitement at the possibility of living out an actual dream gripped you again. Maybe he could teach you a few tricks, in return for you teaching him?

“I don’t see why not?” He replies, that beautiful smile of his returning to his lips. It truly was marvelous, and you knew you’d never be able to get enough of it. “Come, finish up your food and we’ll head back, you need sleep, you’ve had a busy day.”

______

For the second time today, you found yourself stood outside of Obi-Wan’s flat…apartment…condo…whatever it was. Pressing a button like before, the door whooshes open and you both walk in, with it closing with another electronic hum behind you.

Obi-Wan instantly heads into the kitchen to switch on what you assumed was the kettle. Not knowing what to do with yourself you stood like a lost child in the middle of the living room, rolling on your feet a little and swinging your arms. This whole day was incredibly overwhelming, and you couldn’t, even in your wildest dreams, even begin to imagine what you’d experienced…and even though your circumstances could be seen as quite horrific and terrifying, you couldn’t help but feel happy to be here, happy to be in the presence of Obi-Wan and other incredibly magnificent beings, in this huge temple, on a grand planet, in the middle of another motherfucking Galaxy. The pure scale of your circumstances isn’t comprehendible, and you don’t think it ever will be.

“Tea, darling?” You hear faintly, like a whisper from deep within your mind. Odd, you don’t remember thinking about Tea…Tea isn’t really a deciding factor in your circumstances right now, why are you thinking of —

“Hello? Amy, my dear, where have you gone?…she was here just a second ago…” you hear, turning around you see Obi-Wan, walking from the kitchen and walking around his apartment. He was…he was looking for you? But you’re right here, can’t he see you?

“Obi-Wan, stop playing I’m right here,” you say, but no sound leaves your lips. Huh, that's weird. You go to take a step towards him to pat him on the shoulder but as you go to touch him, your hand falls through his shoulder as if…as if you don’t exist. Okay, this was starting to freak you out, this was like back when you were on Earth when the Boys couldn’t see you. You quickly glance around the apartment, remembering that you left your backpack in the bedroom. You rush into the bedroom and try to dig through it but like before, your hands just slip through the objects in front of you. You need to concentrate, center yourself. So, you close your eyes, control your breathing and reach out, again, trying to touch the bag. As soon as you make contact, something shoots through you like ice, and before you know it, you’re touching your backpack in the bedroom, for real.

“Oh! There you are, I didn’t hear you creep off, would you like some tea, my Dear?” Obi-Wan asks, leaning on the doorframe casually. You don’t have the mental capacity to admire it right now, you’re still trying to process what exactly just happened. “Are you…are you okay?” He asks, now slipping off the doorframe and heading towards you, clearly concerned over your sudden change in demeanor.

“Yes, yeah, I’m fine, thanks, just…I think the events of the last day or so are starting to catch up on me..aha,” you say, laughing awkwardly towards the end in a sorry effort to convince him that you’re just tired and not absolutely shitting it at the fact that you just disappeared for a minute or so.

“If you’re sure…Tea will help, come,” He says, holding out his hand to you. You go to take it but hesitate slightly, and he notices but doesn’t let on. You take his hand, and you make your way into the kitchen.

_____

“So what Tea would you like?” He asks as he sets two cups out on the counter.

“Um, well, just regular…Tea?” You reply, completely unsure if Tea here is the same as Tea at home.

“Well, I’ve got Corellian, Naboo special, Coruscant special blend…” he says, but before he can finish his sentence you remember something.

“Wait, gimme a sec!” And before he can process what you've said, you’re bounding into the bedroom once again to grab your food pack. Once back in the kitchen, you open the tin and pull out a Teabag. “Tetley's will do—” you say, grabbing one of the cups and placing the teabag inside. Then, you grab a sachet of sugar from the tin and pour it in.

“…Tetley’s, I can’t say I’ve heard of that kind of Tea before?” Obi-Wan mumbles.

“Well, it’s alright, not the best and not the worst, but still good ol’ British tea!” You laugh. Tea was your savior during excursions, it was one of the only homely comforts you could bring with you, having possessions and trinkets just wasn’t an option, but Tea? Everyone has time for a cuppa. Just as you finish the kettle goes off and you make a move to grab it, pouring the hot water into the cup. Next, you take one of the spoons Obi-Wan layed out and twirl the teabag in the cup, making sure to get the most out of it. “Do you, um, have any Milk?” You ask.

“Milk, I mean, I have blue milk in—,” he says as he fills his cup of tea up too.

“Wait…Blue. Milk?” You chuckle, dumbfounded by what you’re hearing.

“Yes…Blue milk,” Obi-Wan reiterates, almost in a way as if to say are you crazy? What, you don’t know what blue milk is?

“I—I think I'll pass on the Blue Milk—,” you chuckle, today couldn’t get any weirder. Instead, you fish out the teabag from the cup and place it on the small plate before you, and then you grab the small sachet of condensed milk from your rations tin and pour it in, swirling the mixture with the teaspoon from before.

“Wait, you put milk in your tea?” He asks, again absolutely dumbfounded by what’s going on in front of him. Milk…in tea? That's criminal!

“Ugh…yeah? Here, try this,” you say, fishing once again through the ration tin to grab a small bag of malted milk biscuits. You dunk one into your tea and quickly fish it out again, then hand it over to Obi-Wan. He looks at you hesitantly before slowly taking the biscuit, giving it a small sniff before taking a small bite. You watch him patiently with eager eyes, hoping that hell enjoy it.

“Oh…My God’s,” He mutters, his eyes blown wide at the new experience. “This…what is this?” He asks again, before sticking the whole biscuit into his mouth, practically hoovering it up.

“It's a malted milk biscuit, and this is British tea…on Earth, were pretty much the Godfather's of Tea” you laugh, enjoying the show of emotional turmoil playing out on Obi-Wan’s face.

“Malted Milk, British—Godfather?” He asks, completely and utterly lost to his own train of thought.

“You wouldn’t get it…” you say, taking a sip of your tea, but still maintaining eye contact with him as he revels in this new experience. And with that, the two of you sit and chatter on until both your pots of tea have gone cold, but neither of you cares, you’re both too enthralled in the conversation you’re both having to even realize a whole hour has yet again passed.

You chance a look at your watch only to see it's sitting comfortably at 11:48 PM. “Christ it’s late…” you mutter, blinking your eyes again to make sure you’re seeing it right.

“What is that?” Obi-Wan cuts your gaze, leaning over slightly and taking your wrist. He examines your watch intently, watching as the second-hand jumps around the watch face.

“It’s a watch,” you say, a little confused as to why it’s such a question. Surely they have clocks here?

“I can’t say I’ve ever seen anything like it, um, what are the three little spikey things? And what do the symbols mean?” He asks, genuinely curious.

“Well—,” you say, leaning further in so your heads are only centimeters away as you both peer down at the watch on your wrist, “The spikes things are called hands, and they sit upon the watch face. The one that is jerking now is called the second's hand, as it counts each second. This hand,” you point to the biggest hand, “is called the minute hand, and this one, the smallest one, is called the hour's hand,” you finish, but Obi-Wan stays silent, like he’s in a trance of sorts, so you continue, “And, and these symbols, they’re called Roman Numerals, they’re an ancient form of literate numeracy used by the Roman’s, who were fierce warriors who existed thousands of years ago on my planet. They were incredibly intelligent for their time, I mean, all things considered. They invented many things, but they destroyed many, too.” You finish. And you just sit there, intently watching the metaphysical cogs turn in that astronomical mind of his. Normally manners would dictate it is rude to stare, but you can’t help yourself. Something about him is just so…right, so pure and genuine, innocent yet, violent, powerful, wise. People say that God’s and beings of mystical nature never existed, that it's just a hypothetical way of education and hindsight that humanity uses Legend and Fairytales to demonstrate the lessons of life; but at this moment you know that you’re in the presence of a truly, incredible being and that isn’t a fairytale, this isn’t legend, this is real, and you’re sat right next to him.

He slowly peers up from where he’s leaning over your wrist, and you lock eyes, once again, but now closer than you’ve ever been. You can feel the warmth of his breath on your skin as it twists and curls around your lips, kindly caressing and making your breath hitch uncomfortably in your throat. But you welcome this discomfort, for you cannot believe you have lived life, thinking yourself happy, only to not have known Obi-Wan; and now you question few moments of your experiences on Earth, knowing that you would trade anything just to spend another second under his spell.

“We should, you…you should get some sleep. We have training tomorrow.” He quickly snaps, shaking his head slightly as he stands from his seat and grabs both cups, leaving them in the sink. He…did he not feel the same?

You cringe at yourself a little, silently kicking yourself for being so foolish and letting someone get under your skin like this. You’re better than this, for Christ’s sake! No, if he doesn’t feel the same, then you won’t force it. You’ll keep to yourself, and you’ll be respectful, no matter how much you want to be closer. And just like your previous thoughts, the tales of Legends burn a painful pinch of hindsight into your conscience — like Icarus, you flew too close to the sun.

“…You need your sleep if you’re to have any chance against me…” Obi-Wan mutters from the sink. And with that you instantly laugh, the titanic of emotions finally capsizing as you break your self-deprecative destruction.

“I could say the same for you, Master Kenobi,” you giggle, and before he has time to counter you’re skipping off to the Padawan bedroom which you’re now to call home…for the foreseeable future.

#obi wan fic #obi wan needs a hug #obiwan kenobi #obiwan fanfic #obi wan x oc #obiwan #star wars fanfiction #ewanfuckinmcgregor #ewanmcgregor #ewan mcgregor

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valkerymillenia · 4 years

Text

Umbrella Academy

season 2, episode 7

More thoughts and live blogged reactions.

1982. I'm assuming Five used a briefcase... But in s1 we saw that the briefcase travels are tracked (Hazel and Cha-Cha got reprimanded for Klaus's Vietnam trip) so I'm not sure how the board doesn't know someone is coming... I might be overthinking.

Five being creepy.

Is that a Fudge Nutter like Handler mentioned in season 1? Oh, it is.

Jesus, Five! Anger management for you, old man.

AAHH! THEY LET FIVE SAY FUCK! Fucking finally! 🤣

How did nobody notice that destruction? 😆

Oh, the axe! Is Five going to go all American psycho? Because I'd love to see that.

HOLY SHIT!

That smile!

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!

Is he using tiny time travel bursts like Reggie said? Or a briefcase? Or is he just that fast?

AJ hiding under the table 😆

Pausing to drink water and grin, what a psycho, I love him.

He's definitely using time jumps but they are so controlled that I'm guessing briefcase or Handler little time stopping trick. I'm so proud of my mass murder baby.

... Vending machine? Lady, you have interesting priorities.

CRICKET BAT!

Wait! AJ's human body feels pain? How?

Please make Five swallow the fish like in the comics! Please, please, please, please.

The dancers are just like

I LOVE FIVE! The lengths this little killer will go for his family are unbelievable, nobody should ever doubt his love and devotion for them ever again.

This whole murder scene was incredible and Five's obvious glee made it even better. FEAR HIM!

Jesus, Klaus is so afraid of being possessed that he's afraid to sleep and Ben just mocks him? 😘💋 I get that this is supposed to be a funny 'brothers messing with each other' kind of thing but Klaus feels so unsafe that it makes me uncomfortable. What happened to you, Ben, when did you become so dark? You were the nice one!

Ben just getting closer and closer every time Klaus closes his eyes just gave me Doctor Who flashbacks.

"I hate your face" "I hate all of you" - Don't say that boys! You know you love each other.

Ok, Ben has a point. I'm actually liking this conversation. And I'm liking that Klaus is starting to understand his brother.

Ok, this is such a brother conversation. And Klaus constantly pretending not to know who Jill is 😆

Ground rules... Well, at least it's consensual now. That's something. See? Communication works.

Damn, the tension at the lunch table cut be cut with a knife. I'm scared what Carl is going to do.

Ray and Allison have a lovely relationship but I finally identified the problem, the tension I was feeling between since them a few eps back. It's not about Allison's secrets at all, is about Ray being so obsessed with his crusade that he completely overlooks Allison's feelings, he only pays attention to her when they are on the page about the mission. He sees her powers and his first thought is 'we could use this for the cause', Allison is clearly distressed and sad and even says she doesn't feel well and all he can think about is the damn JFK meeting. He's not a bad person and he's not doing it on purpose but he has a workaholic one-track mind that could easy turn into neglect for Allison. He clearly loves her and I'm rooting for them so much but I know that if asked to choose between Allison and his cause, he'll pick his cause.

So Five is done with the killing. I figured this might weigh on his conscience, it's one thing to kill for a greater good or survival, coldly and detached, it's another thing to slaughter for selfish reasons (even if his selfish reasons are a greater good).

Handler going all mom on him and wiping his face. 😆

"What I did today, I did for my family" -we know, baby, and they better respect you for it. You love then so much.

90 minutes??? Wtf, I knew Handler would try to screw Five over but that's just cruel, she's forcing him to uproot the family without even giving them time to say goodbye and that's even IF he can get to all of them on time.

It's not a name, you idiots. Also, that's Olga, not öga.

Don't harass the poor woman... Oh God, you guys are such morons... Diego, you dramatic little bitch...

"Wrong number. Have a lovely day" 🤣🤣🤣

I love the new dumbass buddy cop dynamic between Diego and Luther. This is the sort of positive brotherly dynamic they always should have had instead of being pitted against each other all their lives.

"you have some blood on you" "a lot of blood, actually. Five, what did you do?" -the casual, mildly annoyed way they ask is hilarious, if they knew what he did they'd be horrified (and possibly impressed).

Handler's militaristic chic dress is fabulous. I personally don't like it very much (or the message it sends) but it's haute couture and incredibly designed. Also, the bleached hair is back!

"any questions?" And then she leaves without listening. Power move 😏

Luther trying to comfort Diego like the dork he is. 🤣

Really though, I feel bad for Diego, and Five is under so much pressure that I don't blame him for snapping.

"I'm shy" -are you, Klaus? Are you really? You keep walking around in underwear in front of dozens of people, you're not shy.

So is Klaus lactose intolerant?

Ok, so far the possession thing is not as bad as some people were claiming. So far.

"stay focused" *giggle* -oh Ben, you dork 😆

Ahah, Ben enjoying all the different sensory stimuli. Adorable. He's just so happy, poor boy.

Dirt angels. SO CUTE ❤️

I know this all supposed to be cute and all but it would also be a perfect moment for Ben for experience Klaus's powers (the constant hauntings) as well as his addiction and the claustrophobic expectations of the cult. It would be an excellent chance to make Ben understand why Klaus is the way he is, seeing as Klaus is making a huge effort (and sacrifice) to do the same for Ben. Unfortunately, I don't see that happening because I think they want to keep this part about Ben.

By end of season 1 Klaus cried that people still didn't take him seriously, his compassion despite all his suffering made him likeable and deep, but this season he's back to being the family joke, I don't like that there's no resolution to that. But let's see where this goes, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Oh God, Carl's talk is freaking me out.

"who I am is not a disease" -very powerful LGBT+ statement considering it's the 60s!!!!

Oh, the blackmail...

Everybody keeps expecting Vanya to explode every time she gets emotional but this scene proves how much control she truly has. Respect!

Oh, finally Claire is mentioned! I've been rather upset that Allison hasn't mentioned her daughter even once this season (does Ray even know he has a stepdaughter?) seeing as most of her arc in season 1 revolved around her love and guilt over Claire.

Luther is right when he says they don't get live formal lives because they are special but Allison is even more right when she says that's not fair. This is why this family needs to stick together and love each other, they are the only ones that can really understand each other's struggles.

"hope" -Luther, you really are such a sweet summer child.

OH! I CAN FINALLY SEE ALLISON'S SCAR! The lighting in this scene makes it really obvious. Finally.

Ben and the strawberry. 🤣

"you're different today. You're dorkier" ah! First time anyone called Ben 'Sassy' Hargreeves dorky.

Oh Ben, you're adorable... Wait, "smell your hair"? What the fuck, Ben? You weirdo.

Holy crap! Jill is really forward, isn't she? Hippies, man.

Ben stuttering! 😆🤣 He died a virgin, didn't he?

It's funny but please tell me he isn't actually considering that in his brother's body...

Wait, did Klaus slap him because he doesn't want to have sex or because he's trying to stop Ben from ruining his own chance by saying too much?

Actually, I'm almost sure it's the second one, Klaus is playing wingman on his own body!

WHAT????

Ok so Ben IS a virgin but "you, me and Keechie"? What the fuck, Klaus? You slept with the fanatical crybaby and your brother's crush????

"Klaus, you're so filthy!" "Yes, you are, daddy." -Ben, this girl is not right for you. Run, boy!

AHAHAHAH ASDFGDDGGHSGSGASFHDBKDIS 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 DIEGO CALLING HIM DADDY!

Wait, AJ can speak without the body/suit/whatever?

Handler is going a little bit fascist dictator, isn't she?

Gotta admit, Handler really is such a mom in her own twisted way.

Ben giggling when he talks to Diego. Cute.

"Luther sniffs Dad's underwear" 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

AWWWWWWWW, BEN AND DIEGO! THE CHILDHOOD HIJINKS! THE HUG!

GOD, THE HUG! ❤️

I need all the siblings hugging Ben now!

"you stay in this body, we need someone responsible behind the wheel" -Diego, I understand what you mean given the situation, but you playing obvious favorites between your brothers when free will and body autonomy are on the line is a little creepy.

"no one is insignificant" -that line is so loaded when used on Vanya.

Oh no, Vanya and Five playing the blame game is so bad... They used to be so close... They are both under so much pressure, this won't end well.

Oh boy, Five looks like he's on the verge of crying and Vanya sees that! I bet that's why she backed down. 😲😢

The Lila and Diego conversation is heartbreaking without even trying...

Is that Elliot? Is Diego burying Elliot because nobody else will? Diego really does have a heart of gold.

Don't drinkit! I'm pretty sure Lila is drugging you.

Yup, there it is.

What is she planning?

Once again, it's all about the movement with Ray.

"I would take my one year with you over a lifetime with anybody else." 😭 Oh Ray ❤️

But I get the feeling this won't end so easily.

There it is, the Swedes just arrived. And the smart assholes went right for Allison's throat.

You don't need the coffee can, Sissy. The Hargreeves are loaded.

Sissy, hurry up.

BEN, YOU ARE SUCH A 90s KID!!! So the Backstreet Boys are Ben's fault, God, I love this dork 🤣

Come on, Allison, you can fight better than this!

Good girl!

Klaus and Ben running and fighting each other at the same time 😆

Holy shit, that is some Exorcist level vomiting!

Poor Klaus, I totally get Ben's side in this (pretty sure he was trying to save Klaus by getting him to Five ASAP) but this whole thing made me mildly uncomfortable. Klaus just keeps sacrificing for everyone and nobody respects his boundaries.

Holy shit, Allison! That is so cruel! I like it though, so ruthless and vicious. 😈

Problem- Allison can't just leave Ray with a white corpse in the house. Especially not in Texas, death penalty and all.

Oh Sissy, you dumbass. You're a sweetheart but also a dumbass.

Ok, Lila is pretty insane. That's for sure.

Five:

"I don't want to hurt you" - well, Vanya warned them.

My baby is getting really good with her powers.

I hope that hit to the head doesn't give Vanya her memory back, that's so cliché and convenient, or would be really bad writing.

SHIT IS HITTING THE FAN. I'm dying to see more!!!!!!

#tua #tua s2 #tua s2 spoilers

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snark-sass · 4 years

Text

No I'm not dating him, I want to marry you -FIC

Read on aO3 here!

Fluffy fic in which Spock wants to ask Kirk to be his bondmate (even though they’re not dating), goes to McCoy for help, and Jim somehow think’s Spock and mcCoy are dating.

Spirk fic with a happy ending! 6k (I imagined TOS when writing but would fit into either)

Spock stood outside of Captain Kirk’s door.

Spock would say, that were he human, the disequilibrium he was experiencing would be called ‘nerves’. It was fortunate that he was in fact Vulcan, and he understood the reaction his body was autonomously having was the ever logical one of ‘fight or flight’. It was after all, advantageous for one’s body to prepare itself in times of stress, or in this case anticipated stress, in order to best ensure survival.

However, what was less logical was the fact that this response had been triggered by Spock simply standing in front of the Captain’s door, preparing for a conversation. Not a fight, not anything else that this response would aid in, but a conversation.

They were 3.72 years into their 5 year mission when Spock had decided that he would, after much consideration, speak to Jim about becoming bondmates. It was, after all, logical.

Had they been courting? Well, not explicitly in the sense the one of them had asked the other if they would like to advance their relationship to that of a romantic one. But, they had been spending copious amounts of time together, eating meals together, partaking in leisure activities together, and even spending shore leave in each other’s company. Yes, Jim had even convinced Spock to actually use some of his leave. They did all of this not because they were obligated as a command team, but for the pleasure of being with one another. Spock doubted that any verbal declarations would have changed the amount of time spent together.

They had gained intimate knowledge of each other’s lives, goals, preferences, and everything else one would when courting.

More importantly though, they had extraordinarily compatible minds.

Spock had known this since he had melded with Jim in Janice Lester’s body. It was the deepest meld Jim and him had ever participated in. Had the situation not been dire, Spock would have extended it just to keep feeling the rightness and belonging that the meld had woven into its very core.

Was it unfortunate that such a beautiful meeting of minds happened under such circumstances? Yes. Did it change the face that Spock wanted to be one with that mid forever? Not at all.

He held this knowledge in his mind even as his hands began to perspire. It truly was fascinating, if not inconvenient at times, what the body could be capable of even under the misconception of threat.

Spock reminded himself that the chance of threat behind that door, barring any unusual circumstances, was practically non-existent. Well, physical danger at least. There was always the risk to the social, personal and professional aspects of his life. Losing one of his closest friends, having charges filed against him for harassment, those types of things.

No big deal.

Spock was aware that humans completely different standards when it came to relationships, and devoting themselves to one another. What exactly they were however? Unknown. His research on the matter had been conflicting and inconclusive at best. Given his lack of first-hand experience on top of this, he was left with the novel feeling of feeling underprepared.

This unknown factor is what Spock concluded to the cause of his state. Unfortunately, there were not specific research papers on Jim. If so, they would have been far more useful than the perplexing papers he had read, he reflected.

Then it occurred to him; he could seek advice specifically about Jim. Not from research databases, but from interviewing someone who would know.

Spock was hesitant to make his goals known, however. He did not wish it to become common knowledge lest he be subjected to increased amounts of interpersonal conversations, or he dreaded to think, widespread pity if it did not work out.

No, he would keep it to as few people as possible to minimise this risk

Given the parameters, the choice was obvious. He would consult Dr. McCoy on the matter and determine the best method to ask the Captain the be his bondmate. By his currently calculations, they could be bondmates in no more than 14 days due to their high compatibility, even factoring in extra time for Jim’s human needs.

Yes, he thought, noticing his body’s response already calming as he turned away from Jim’s door and towards sickbay, this is the optimal course of action.

Perhaps they may even be able to bond sooner based on the Doctor’s advice.

*---*---*

Dr McCoy looked up from the paperwork he was working on in an otherwise deserted med bay as Spock walked in.

“Spock,” he smiled up at him “What brings you to my medbay at this time of night? Last I heard, even Vulcans need to sleep sometimes.” He looked Spock up and down and frowned “In fact, I’d bet good credits you’ve never voluntarily come down here at this time of night. You’re not dying again are you?” he asked narrowing his eyes slightly.

Spock hesitated for a moment, the same feelings from earlier returning in a weaker form.

“I have come to seek advice on a personal matter, Doctor.” Spock replied.

Now, instead of reassuring the Doctor as it should have, Dr McCoy looked alarmed “You are dying, aren’t you!?” He stood up and started trying to usher Spock to a bed “Is it a Vulcan disease? It can’t Ponn Farr again, you’re not due for another six years! Unless it’s your dammed hybrid biology – one half Vulcan in the galaxy and I get them on my ship!” He said rather rapidly, giving up trying to move Spock and pulling out a scanner, running it up and down Spock’s body then and there.

“Doctor,” Spock interrupted “I am not dying any more than I was at our last check up, where I remind you I was subjected to a high number of unnecessary tests. All of which came back within acceptable levels.” He paused and recentred himself “And I most certainly am not experiencing my time. If I were I assure you, I would be consulting a Vulcan healer about the matter, not relying on your potions.”

McCoy went and sat back in his chair. “Well don’t you know how to make someone feel warm and fuzzy.” He drawled. “Alright, if you’re not here for a medical reason, what are you here for?”

Spock contemplated the best wording of his request.

“I find I am lacking the appropriate courting experience in order to secure a human bondmate.”

McCoy’s expression didn’t change. In fact he didn’t seem to be moving at all.

“As a human who has had some past successes when courting, and are familiar with the process involved you are a clear source from which to seek advice.” He paused before adding “I also find myself with… few individuals I am familiar enough with to seek advice about the matter.” Spock finished.

McCoy blew air out of his mouth. “Well I’ll be, are you saying Mr. Spock that you’ve come to me for advice about emotions? <em>Romantic </em> emotions?” he finished gleefully.

“I believe that is what I just stated” said Spock, doubting his decision more by the second.

“So who’s the lucky lady?” McCoy asked, looking far too excited by the turn in conversation for Spock’s liking.

“I do not believe I stated the person of interest was a woman, Doctor.” Spock replied evenly. “The person in question in fact identifies as male.”

McCoy looked thoughtful at this “A man huh? Must say, when it comes to men I don’t have a lick of experience Spock. You could try asking Jim thought. I know he has a reputation for a ladies man, but he’s fallen for his share of gentlemen.”

Spock willed his face to stay neutral.

“I cannot ask the Captain, as it is him I am here to discuss.”

“Jim? You want to seduce Jim!?” Now McCoy was shocked. It must be exhausting having so many emotions so quickly considered Spock.

“My God man, could you have picked a more impossible target?” Asked McCoy. “you know he’d never risk his command by getting involved with someone on the ship.”

“I am aware of Captain Kirk’s strict adherence the Starfleet regulations in relation to section 3.4. However, relationships are allowed between officers within one rank of each other, meaning that our relationship would not be in any violations.” He stated as though he was insulted McCoy hadn’t thought he’d already considered this, “Originally my plan was to approach Captain Kirk after the conclusion of the mission. However, the mission on Centaris II has made me revaluate this plan. As you humans put it ‘tomorrow is not guaranteed’.”

McCoy deflated at little at this. Centaris II had been a disaster of a mission, ending with Jim getting shot in the chest with bark by sentient trees. The bark pieces had splintered in his chest, requiring hours of extensive surgery. The Captain had come to dying a few times the following days, and even McCoy wasn’t sure if he’d pull through.

“I suppose that’s even truer on this death trap of a tin can.” McCoy said “Fine, I’ll help you on your fool’s quest. God knows anyone who has a chance at happiness should take it. And Jim, well if anything these last few years have shown it’s that his heart is yearning something awful. You sure you’re up to filling it?”

This conversation was going quite differently than Spock had anticipated, but McCoy was Jim’s friend he reminded himself. It would be more unusual if he wasn’t concerned for his wellbeing. He had also agreed to help Spock reminded himself. Going through one, albeit greatly uncomfortable, conversation with McCoy was surely a small price to pay for the benefit he would gain.

“Doctor, I believe that Jim and I would complete each other wholly, incomparably, and for a lifetime. I would not be pursuing him, potentially jeopardising a relationship I value, and a career I have spent years building, otherwise.” He pointed out.

“Why, that was almost romantic.” teased McCoy, “So tell me, what have you got so far?”

“‘Got’?“ asked Spock.

“What have you thought of so far for wooing our Captain?” Asked McCoy.

“My current plan is simple: I will approach the Captain while he is unaccompanied in his Cabin, advise him that our minds are highly compatible, and suggest we bond at his earliest convenience. I will then of course tell him that I am amendable to a human ceremony of his choosing should he wish to have one.” Spock felt that his agreement to a human celebration particularly demonstrated his dedication and forethought that had gone into his plan, and acknowledgment of Jim’s potential needs as a human.

Yes, he would be an excellent spouse to Jim, he was sure.

McCoy responded to his plan by placing his face in his hands.

“I hope you’ve got nothing on anytime soon, we’ve got a lot of work to. Now where did I put that Surian Brandy…”

*---*---*

Spock left well into the Enterprise’s ‘night’, much later than he anticipated. True to McCoy’s word, they indeed had covered a lot. Not only about Jim, but about human courtship norms in general.

Spock was grateful that he had chosen to speak to McCoy, given that according to McCoy his original plan would have ‘given Jim a heart attack’ with shock.

The new plan that Spock and McCoy had agreed on was that Spock would subtly show his interest in a relationship with Jim, ensure this interest was reciprocated, then ask him on a ‘date’.

Then the doctor had given Spock most unpleasant advice: he suggested that they date for a year before proposing bonding. At least a whole standard year.

He hadn’t changed his opinion even though Spock had explained that Vulcans were able to know within days if someone would make a satisfactory bondmate, and that it was not uncommon for less than a week’s notice before a ceremony.

McCoy had laughed so hard about ‘calling humans emotional when Vulcans get married in less than a week!’ that Spock briefly worried about the amount of oxygen he was getting.

McCoy had pointed out that Jim was not Vulcan, so it was not logical to use Vulcan standards.

Still, Spock privately thought that he could at least consider asking Jim in half of that time, but decided the Doctor did not need to know that small fact. He did not wish to be subjected to another lecture; Dr McCoy had a surprisingly unyielding view on the matter.

Spock turned the last corner into the hallway containing his quarters, only to see the object of his desire exiting his room donned in nothing but his red workout pants and a white t-shirt. Spock briefly wondered who had approved those pants as appropriate to be regulation. Clearly they had not anticipated how Captain J. T. Kirk would obscenely fill them when they had, nor the effect on his first officer.

“Spock!” said the Captain, clearly not expecting to see him “Fancy seeing you here at this hour. Aren’t having any trouble sleeping are you?” he smiled empathetically.

“Negative Sir, as Vulcans require less sleep that humans I will have sufficient time to rest before Alpha shift tomorrow.” Spock stated.

Remembering what McCoy had explained about using compliments to express one’s interest, Spock followed with “Your dedication to your on-going fitness is commendable, Captain.”

Jim laughed as though Spock had told a joke.

“Thank you Mr. Spock, but I’m afraid my dedication does not usually extend to working out at one o’clock in the morning.”

“I assume that is why you are going at 1:18am instead.” Spock stated, tilting his head slightly so Jim would know he wasn’t serious.

This resulted in another small laugh from Jim.

“I’m glad you understand.” Jim was looking at him with a small smile, his eyes crinkling as he looked up at him.

Spock noted with some pride that Jim smiled when talking to Spock at a 23% higher frequency on average than he did when speaking with other officers. Another reason their bonding would be logical.

“Say, since we’re both up how about a few rounds on the mats? Maybe this time I’ll manage to get at least one pin.” Jim teased.

“The odds are not absolute 0.” teased Spock back, “Regretfully, I have just finished a rather long meeting with Dr. McCoy and require both mediation and sleep before my next shift in order to preform at peak efficiency.”

Jim’s smile had now been replaced with a frown. “A meeting at this hour? Is everything ok Spock?”

Spock was quick to reassure him “I am of optimal health Captain, the encounter was personal between myself and Dr McCoy.”

Jim did not seem reassured by this. In fact, his face now had a peculiar expression that Spock did not know how to characterise.

“You… and Bones?” he asked slowly, as though trying to solve an equation with only half the data. “I uh, didn’t realise the two of you had gotten that close.”

Spock thought about the time spent speaking with McCoy. It was the longest they had ever spent in each other’s company without any third parties. The Doctor had been uncharacteristically patient towards Spock, and even shared some of his own history that Spock was certain one would not share with anyone but a particularly close friend.

“Tonight was a notable change in our relationship, yes.” Spock said after a few seconds of thought.

“Right.” Said Jim in an odd tone “Good. You and the good Doctor, that’s good.” He blinked at Spock “I’m surprised but happy. Happy for you both!” he said the last bit considerably too loudly given their respective distance and the relative silence of the hall.

Spock was growing more concerned for the Captain by the second.

“Are you alright, Jim? I believe Doctor McCoy is still awake if you require him.”

Jim took a second before he seemed to shake himself out of his strange behaviour.

He gave Spock a smile that this time Spock did know how to characterise; it was one that Jim gave to diplomats he wasn’t quite sure how to deal with. It was the first time Spock had been on the receiving end, and he was finding it disconcerting.

“Great idea, I think I will go check in with Bones.” He stepped to the side to pass Spock “I’ll see you on the bridge tomorrow. Sleep well, Commander.”

“Goodnight, Captain.” Spock replied as Jim walked away.

Spock continued his journey to his quarters, the conversation adding more to his list to mediate on. He hoped after speaking with McCoy, Jim would get adequate rest before alpha shift. It would not do for him to act like this on shift.

*---*---*

Hours later, Spock could only conclude that Jim had not in fact gotten sufficient rest the night before.

It was the most likely explanation he could think of to explain the captain’s peculiar behaviour during Alpha shift.

Jim had varied between staring at Spock for a 21.67% longer duration than normal, yet resolutely not looking at towards Spock at a 35.43% lower frequency than on average. Why Jim was looking at Spock longer but less often, he could not surmise. Further, when Dr McCoy had come to the bridge he had been downright antsy when talking to him. Overall, Jim’s behaviour had been well outside of normal levels of deviation.

After the shift had ended, rather than waiting for Spock and going to lunch together, he had insisted on Spock going ahead while he ‘discussed these readings with Chekov’ even though Ensign Chekov had told him about the readings only 42 minutes earlier. The notably insignificant readings.

So here Spock was, trying to find an empty table to eat lunch alone for the first time in over a year.

Speaking of unusual, McCoy seemed to have arrived earlier to lunch than Spock for once, and was already sitting at an empty table. He waved Spock over, and Spock slid onto the bench across from him.

“Just the Vulcan I wanted to see!” McCoy said in lieu of a proper greeting “You’re going to happy when I tell you what your great pal Leonard did last night!” The Doctor himself did not necessarily look happy, but perhaps he was scowling less than normal when Spock looked closer. That was about equivalent to a smile for him Spock supposed.

“As I have reminded you repeatedly, ‘happiness’ is a human emotion, and I am Vulcan. Perhaps you should consider getting your memory tested, lest it affects your work.” Spock raised an eyebrow a little.

“My memories not the problem there. Anyway,” he said, waving his sandwich alarmingly close to his hair “What I was going to tell you was that after our little chat last night, Jim came and saw me. I was the best wingman you’d ever seen.” He triumphantly took a bite of his wayward sandwich at that declaration.

“‘Wingman’?” enquired Spock.

McCoy shot him a suffering look “I talked you up to Jim.”

This Spock understood, although he tried not to look too interested in what McCoy was saying, feeling a lightness rising in his chest.

“Indeed?” he asked, “Do you consider you were successful?” he leaned forward slightly in order to hear better, as the mess was slightly too loud for optimal hearing.

Obviously that was the reason, it was not because he was eager to hear more. Not at all.

McCoy chose to believe he was eager nevertheless, judging by him looking smugger by the moment.

“Was I successful? By the end Jim was saying that any man would be lucky to have you. Even started bringing his own compliments to the table.” McCoy leaned back in his chair having reached peak smugness levels.

Spock’s heart rate had increased fractionally. Gaining McCoy as an ally was having better results than he had anticipated, Jim would be his bondmate before the year was up, he was sure of it.

“I reckon you’re in.” McCoy went on “Now do me a favour and ask him to dinner so I can get my damn nose out of your love life."

“Based on last evening I was under the impression you were enjoying ‘having your nose’ in my love life?” Spock teased smoothly.

“I’m uh, not interrupting, am I?” asked Jim in a joking voice having finally arrived for lunch. He had yet to sit down at the mostly empty table.

McCoy looked between them “I was just leaving, Jim” McCoy picked up his empty tray “He’s all yours.” McCoy clapped Jim on the shoulder as he left, ignoring Jim’s lips thinning minutely at his parting remark.

Spock noticed McCoy shooting him what humans would refer to as a ‘significant look’ as Jim was sliding into the now vacant seat. When Spock didn’t acknowledge him, he clearly mouthed ‘ask him!’ and obviously pointed at Jim.

Humans were unobservant, Spock reminded himself, it was highly unlikely that anyone had noticed. Even if he was now getting a few curious looks thrown his way. Why had he thought seeking out Dr. McCoy would be valuable, again? Clearly his fight or flight reaction had impacted his thoughts at the time.

“So, are you and the good Doctor…?” Jim said after poking his food a few times, without actually eating it.

When it became clear that Jim was not going to finish his sentence Spock asked “What about the Doctor and I, Captain?”

“It’s just still surprising is all. You, him, together.” Jim was staring hard at his untouched food seemingly finding it very interesting.

Jim’s words were not making sense. While McCoy and Spock might not spend as much time together as Spock and Jim did, it was surely wasn’t that unorthodox that it warranted commentary. They were after all friends. Surely it was not usual for friends to eat meals together? Even if McCoy did only usually joined them around the end of meal time, and almost never the start.

“I fail to see what is surprising.” Spock said.

Jim actually blushed “I suppose you wouldn’t. If anyone heard the way he was speaking about you last night, I doubt they would be surprised either. I don’t think I’ve ever heard Bones speak so highly of anyone.” He finally looked up at Spock, through his eyes only visible through his eyelashes “Not that it was undeserved, of course”.

How could Spock had been worried that Jim would reject him outright last night? Even if he wasn’t interested in Spock romantically there was no reason to assume he would scorn Spock, or humiliate him by spreading the news throughout the ship. At the very least, Jim was a kind man.

“I’m glad you think so, Jim.” Spock softened his look in return “Perhaps if you are amendable we could have dinner followed by a game of chess? It has been 4 days since our last match. Unless of course your last three losses has gotten you to admit defeat?”

Jim was fully looking up now, looking at Spock with eyes crinkling at the corners as he smiled. He huffed out a small amount of air in what Spock recognised as a sign of amusement. “Not a chance Mister, how about I come around at 18:00 when I’m finished in engineering?”

“That would be acceptable.” Replied Spock, not breaking eye contact.

They continued to hold each other’s gaze for a few more seconds, until the moment was broken by a loud laugh from a nearby table.

Jim blinked to himself before frowning down at the table.

“I just remembered I’ve got some reports that need finishing before I’m due in engineering. I’ll see you tonight, Spock.” At that Jim took his tray and made a hasty exit.

“Until tonight.” Said Spock quietly, watching Jim go.

*---*---*

At 17:55 Spock was observing his quarters quite proudly.

McCoy had told Spock that, candles, low lights and soft music were often used to ‘set the mood’ for Terran dates. Given Starfleet’s ban on open flames on space vessels, displaying candles was not possible. Instead, Spock had opted to use some of his more potent smelling incense, in order to create a pleasant scent throughout the cabin. The lights had been set to a low 15%, giving the cabin an intimate feel. The low light allowed for the starlight to shine through the port window, casting large ever-changing shadows from all the furniture onto the green carpet. Jim often commented on his affection for the stars, he was sure to appreciate that. Lastly, to finish the scene, Spock had put on some music. The only music he had available was Vulcan Lyre music, which played half a piece, with which he would practice duets with. Despite being slightly disjointed alone, Spock felt the overall effect to the ‘mood’ was given.

Yes, he had indeed created a prime setting for courting Jim. His human courting skills were progressing quite nicely in such a short time.

At 17:57 the door chimed, signalling someone requesting entry. There was only one person it was likely to be. Spock took a deep breath, readying himself for the evening to come.

“Open.”

Sure enough, there was Jim. He looked like he did for all their chess matches; dressed still in his command uniform, yet with his posture more relaxed then when in public. Still, looking at him Spock felt that something was… off. He looked relaxed, but although he was determined to be rather than naturally being so.

He also had brought a bottle of wine, which was markedly different from any previous matches. Usually, Jim only drank alcohol in the presence of Dr. McCoy or Lieutenant Scott. Seldom did he drink alcohol in Spock’s presence, and certainly he had never brought any when they were due to socialise alone.

Spock took this as a positive sign.

“I apologise for being slightly early Spock, I can come back after you’ve finished meditating if you’d like.” He offered, taking in the room. He stepped forward enough to allow the door to close “I must admit, I’ve never noticed just how strong Vulcan’s liked their incense until now.”

“Is it... displeasing?” Spock was now feeling less confident than before.

“A touch too strong for my human nose I’m afraid.” Jim said chuckling.

“Ah,” said Spock heading to extinguish them “I will keep that in mind for future, Captain.”

Jim chuckled “ ‘Captain?’ it’s been a while since you’ve called me that in private.” Spock couldn’t see Jim, but he could practically visualise the soft smile that would follow such a statement.

“It reminds me of the early days, before we really got to know one another. Seems like so long ago now.” Spock heard him pacing around the room.

“Say, would you mind if I turned up the lights a bit? I doubt I’ll be able to see the board properly in this light. Unless, of course that is your plan to ensure a victory.” He finished lightly.

“Of course, Jim. I am not the one who needs an advantage, after all.”

“Oh, you’ll be regretting those words by the end of our first game!” Jim said playfully, heading towards the table while ordering the lights to 75%.

As the lighting slowly increased, Spock observed that the ‘mood’ no longer seemed significantly different from any other night. At least the music seemed to be acceptable.

For now.

“Wine?” queried Jim.

Spock heard the clinking of glasses form the small kitchenette his quarters were equipped with, indicating Jim was already pulling out more than one glass.

“Perhaps one glass.” responded Spock, more for Jim’s sake than any actual desire on his part.

Incense all finally extinguished, Spock stood and headed to the edge of the kitchen area while Jim poured a generous portion of wine. A really generous portion.

“I thought that we could celebrate,” said Jim passing Spock a less generously filled glass, “I will admit, I was quite stunned at first by the news,” he smiled in a way that did not quite reach his eyes “But you and Bones are my closest friends. If being in a relationship is what makes you happy then I couldn’t be happier for you both.” He raised his glass. “To a long and happy relationship!”

Spock’s glass did not move an inch from where he had grasped it initially.

In fact, Spock’s whole body was doing a rather impressive imitation of a statue. This was in direct contrast to his internal thoughts, which were going a mile a minute trying to work out what exactly was happening.

When Spock had imagined possible scenarios of tonight, this had not even been close to one of them.

“Spock?” asked Jim. He seemed very concerned. Very concerned for McCoy’s boyfriend.

“You believe that myself and Dr. McCoy are engaged in a romantic relationship?” Spock asked at a 18.4% slower speed than normal.

Jim still looked sheepish “I know neither of you have officially announced anything yet, and that it’s still very new,” said Jim “But I just…” he looked at his wine as though it held the answers to what he was trying to say “You’re important to me Spock. You both are.” He added the last part quickly “and even though…” he stopped again “If Bones is who you want, then I will do everything I can to be a good friend and support you.” He had a determine look on his face, one Spock had seen many times before particularly unpleasant activities in missions.

And it was now being used in reference to Spock’s love life.

How could this have all gotten misinterpreted so badly? Of course Jim wasn’t interested in Spock, if not he wouldn’t be so clearly supporting him in his fictional romance with McCoy. Clearly he viewed Spock with nothing but friendship. Deep friendship, yes, but clearly also platonic friendship.

It was Terran courting Spock was sure. Its unclear, ambiguous, and unreasonably time-consuming ways had led to this moment. No, the Terran approach were not the solution.

“Dr McCoy and I are not in a romantic or physically intimate relationship.” Informed Spock, shifting into what would be parade rest if not for the wine he was still holding.

Jim blinked “You’re not?”

“No,” Spock continued “I approached him to get his advice on Terran courting practices. Given his familiarity with them and human emotions, I concluded that he may be of assistance. It appears I was incorrect.” The feelings that had started this whole mess were starting to reappear.

Only this time, Spock chose fight.

“Jim,” he placed his glass down facing Jim fully, noting Jim follow suit, “Over the past 3.76 years our personal and professional relationship has grown profoundly. This growth has been due to our mutual respect for one another, our mutual interests and goals, and highly compatible personalities.”

“Oh my God.” Said Jim looking at Spock with wonder.

“This, as well as our remarkably high mental compatibility, leads to me to conclude that we would be ideal mates for each other.”

“Oh my God.” Said Jim slightly louder this time, eyes still not leaving Spock.

“I understand as a human, physical compatibility is also of great importance, and I assure you there I have considered this and in addition to your other attributes I find you to be extremely aesthetically pleasing. I would quite enjoy engaging in intimate, physical activities with you.”

“<em>Spock</em>.” Jim choked out, looking at him with wide eyes and pink cheeks.

“I wish to bond with you at your earliest convenience, however I also recognised that humans need more time than Vulcans before committing to another permanently. In light of this, I ask you to consider ‘dating’ me so I may have the chance to convince you of our compatibility, and of my esteem for you.” Spock finished.

There. It was done. He had laid out his points, logically yet while still acknowledging Jim’s different needs as a human. He was very glad no one else was here to hear his blatant emotionalism at the end of his speech.

“What is your reply, Jim?” asked Spock after 43.3 seconds. Surely this was more than enough time to concede to the logic of his statements?

“I think I need to sit down” was Jim’s reply, going to the small couch close by and sinking down. After a few seconds, he moved to place his right leg over his left, and his arm so his chin was supported by one hand. A tell-tale pose for when the captain was thinking deeply on the bridge.

Perhaps not enough time then.

Spock carefully sat down on the other end of the couch and waited.

Jim opened his mouth several times in the succeeding minutes as though he was going to speak, before changing his mind. On the sixth time of such occurrence he finally settled on asking “You want to marry me?”

“Yes.” Said Spock

“You think it would be logical to marry me?” asked Jim again.

“Yes.” Said Spock again, wondering how many times he was going to have to confirm information he had said less than 5 minutes ago.

“That’s great… great.” Said Jim slowly, moving both hands to his chin.

Despite his words, it did not sound ‘great’ felt Spock.

Jim turned so his whole body was facing towards Spock, uncrossing his legs and leaning forwards.

“Spock, you’re proposing marriage between us, yet you seem to be missing one very important factor: love.”

He leaned even closer. Spock could see the smaller flecks of green and gold in his eyes, and the starlight reflecting from the window. He could smell the wine on his breath, and also a small hint of something pleasant that must come from Jim himself.

Spock swallowed.

“Your points are logical as always Spock, but do you love me?” asked Jim softly.

Jim’s face was very close, his stare was intense. Spock tilted his head as he considered the question.

Had anyone else been asking, his response would be to reply that it was well known Vulcans do not love. But Spock would not lie to Jim, not about something so obviously important to him.

Did he love Jim? There was no one else he was closer to on the Enterprise, or off it for that matter. He had changed his schedule to allow for more time in each other’s presence, he enjoyed their time together and even looked forward to it. Even if they were simply completing their own work in the same space, it still filled Spock with a sense of contentedness. Jim made an effort to take Spock’s Vulcan heritage into account, yet Spock never felt he was being judged as too human, nor too Vulcan around Jim. He was accepted, just as he was. He felt relaxed around Jim, a feeling of satisfaction even. When a mission, or an experiment went wrong he realised he sought out Jim’s company.

He thought about waking up next to Jim, seeing his eyes soften as he smiled at Spock. The image alone filled Spock with warmth. Perhaps Jim would hold up two fingers, which Spock would respond with his own; their fingers would kiss, and their minds would sing to each other with unity, with fondness, with lo-

Oh.

“Yes.” Said Spock now realising how true it was “Yes, I do, Jim.”

Spock braced himself. The ball was in Jim’s court, as his mother would say.

Jim leaned back a short distance. “Did you know Spock, the except for your biological time, I didn’t even think that you could feel for someone like that?” he asked.

Spock summised this was rhetorical when he continued speaking before he could reply.

“Then I spoke to Bones,” said Jim, “and he told me about how thoughtful you were, how generous you were, how romantic you were. And it hit me: dating you, being with you, being allowed to love you every day, that would be the most amazing thing anyone could ask for. I felt like kicking myself because I thought I had missed my chance!”

Jim picked up Spock’s hand and held it between his own.

“Going from that to you telling me that you want to marry me is quite the leap.”

Spock was glad he had the contact, in contrast to Jim’s words he could pick up feelings of happiness, and hope, emotions that were mirroring his.

Jim moved closer, so that their noses were practically touching.

Spock heard him chuckle lowly, “When have you ever known me not to risk leaping, Mr. Spock?”

“Never.” Whispered Spock, breathing a puff of air against Jim’s lips.

Jim slipped his eyes close, closing the space between them.

Spock had not experienced many human-style kisses, but this was by the best by far. There was no disregard for Spock’s wants, or madness behind it. Jim kissed him as though he had all the time in the world. As though Spock was beloved, and Jim was using his lips to softly explain to him just how much. Spock knew he was inexperienced in this kind of affection, but he hoped Jim understood that he was trying to show him how cherished Jim was in return.

The message must have gotten through somehow, because when they parted Jim placed his forehead against Spock’s, keeping his eyes closed. His smile was small, intimate. It was beautiful.

Eventually Jim opened his eyes and looked at Spock, the smile never leaving his face.

“You know, I’m not sure what you’ve heard, but it takes at least 3 dates before I agree to marry someone.” He said, eyes twinkling.

“Indeed?” replied Spock, allowing his mouth to soften into a small smile in return, “By Dr. McCoy’s description of a ‘date’ we have been on approximately 237 by my count.”

Jim brought Spock’s hand up to his mouth kissing his knuckles “Is that right?” he said as Spock’s breath hitched “Well, it seems we’re behind on a few 3rd date milestones then.”

Oh yes, Jim was indeed a logical bondmate. Spock’s logical bondmate.

#spirk #fic #snark-sass writes #spock #kirk #jim kirk #spock/kirk #spock/jim #kirk/spock

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not-poignant · 6 years

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Hey Pia, recently I started therapy but my therapist brushed aside me being emotionally abused & gaslit by my sibling by saying sibling fights are normal & we should focus on how I continue 'letting' it happen. I left the session rlly upset & it sent me into a spiral of self-loathing & doubt all over again/had I made everything up after all? I'm in a better place now but it would be lovely if you could tell me how to deal with such situations better, but no pressure!

Oh boy, bad therapists. Have I had some experience with them.

tl;dr: bad therapists suck, don’t give up, etc. etc.

THIS POST IS SO LONG I AM SO SORRY

Firstly, it is awesome you made the effort to go see a therapist. And please please don’t think all therapists (or even most therapists) will be like the one you saw.

Therapists are regular people, and unfortunately, sometimes regular people suck and a degree doesn’t change that.

Caveat: Not a therapist. Just a person who has seen a lot of therapists. YMMV.

I have seen a lot of therapists in my lifetime. And a lot of bad therapists. I won’t give you the exact number, but it’s well over 10. It’s actually pretty normal to sometimes meet therapists that are just a poor match. Even if the therapist had good reasons to think you were participating in a difficult situation, there’s a lot of ways to bring that up that aren’t straight up invalidating, and they should have tried to hear you, rather than put their opinions forward over yours.

Therapy should be a collaboration. Not just you listening to them. Not just them listening to you. They might disagree with you, they have to be able to do so tactfully and respectfully, and role model to you how to do this in a way that is respectful. And you have the right to disagree with them.

And I’m gonna be honest with you. Sometimes therapists will say things you’re not ready to hear, that hurt and make you doubt yourself. When I first heard: ‘Pia, do you think maybe you want to be sick?’ I about lost my shit internally, and went home and felt suicidal for two weeks. I didn’t think they were right, but I was terrified they were right, and I didn’t think I could tell them about it because how dare they ask me that question in the first place! What the hell?

But I went back and was like: okay, so after this session, and what you said, this is what happened. And I felt totally unsupported and certainly didn’t feel like I could tell you about this, because what, are you gonna tell me I want to be suicidal too? Here are all the ways I think I don’t want to be sick. I’m still deeply scared that deep down I might want to be, but I think you have to realise that what you’ve said is really hurtful to all the parts of me that fight every day - through lifestyle, coming here, eating well, reading self help books etc. - to not be sick. And I need you to acknowledge that.

And they did. And they apologised. Do I think maybe they wanted me to have a reaction? Yes. Do I think maybe they had no idea it would make me suicidal? I think also yes. They never would’ve done it otherwise. The aim isn’t to make your clients want to kill themselves. At all. Ever.

But anyway, the point is (...ignore how long I took to get here), part of therapy is actually telling the therapist when they’ve fucked up and seeing how receptive they are to that. That’s your responsibility as the client, and that’s something you take on when you hire them. Whether or not you feel you can do that is another thing. It’s totally okay to write down how you feel in a letter, and hand it to them, or email it to them. You can say ‘read this and I’m going to go wait in the waiting room and you can come get me after.’ I have written down a ton of things I wasn’t ready to say.

But it’s an important step in actually - weirdly - learning how to stand up for yourself in a working relationship that goes both ways.

Now, about therapy in general. They work for you. You hire them for your health. So if it’s really not working out, then you also have the right to fire them and find someone else.

Sometimes it can be worth explaining why you’re considering firing them in an email, so they know where they went wrong, but to also give them a chance to reconsider how they’re approaching you, i.e.: ‘I feel like you invalidated my experiences and my feelings, and therefore reduced all of my difficulties and issues around this to something you could sweep aside before telling me things about my own experiences, without ever really hearing me. That’s not fair, it’s inaccurate and it’s not helpful to me. I accept that I might have things to learn about my own behaviour here, but not through you invalidating my upset and hurt, and not through you minimising my real feelings. Because of what you did, these were the consequences (and tell them that you became more self-loathing and so on, that’s not how they’re supposed to leave you feeling after a session!) As a result, I’m not sure / don’t think this is a good fit / will look for another therapist / would be open to suggestions from you as to how to proceed.’ Etc.

That’s a mature way of handling it. (And honestly, even if the therapist doesn’t like getting the email, it is good for them to know why people are leaving early. So they know you’re not just a ‘non-compliant patient’ or whatever the fuck (which you’re not), but someone who has been genuinely distressed by a session that they directly contributed to - like you paid money for that shit! That’s crappy.)

But another mature way, if they really just seem gross, is to fire them and find someone else. You can take a break first, for sure. I always have taken a short break and sort of thought about what I really want too. Like, what do I want? These days it’s ‘to be more functional and to enjoy life more.’

It’s worth calling around and actually screening therapists if you can (depending on how the system works where you are). Screening therapists can be asking things like: what therapy modalities do you prefer? How do you deal with situations where someone is being verbally abused by their sibling? Do you take this seriously? etc. You can definitely pre-screen. I’ve always done this in emails which look like this:

“Dear (whoever they are)

I’m (such and such) from (place) and have been diagnosed with (disorders) due to (one sentence history). I am seeking therapy to help me with (specific things like - learning how to be less anxious, or learning how to be more functional in my life).

Are you taking new clients?

If you are, could you please let me know the following to see if we might be a good fit?

(Here I ask about modality - CBT is contraindicated in my case so it rules out a lot of therapists automatically, and then I ask about their experience in extensive child abuse trauma and history, as well as medical and chronic illness, and pain and fatigue issues. Here is also where I ask if they offer a sliding scale to people with a low income and no insurance.)

Thanks so much for your time.

(Pia.)”

If they can’t take the time to answer a simple email, either with a call or by replying, then I don’t want to see them anyway, imho. I’m looking to hire them, not the other way around, they can at least communicate some actual credentials to me that mean more than a damn BA degree. But in Australia, therapists will often reply to emails like this. I’m not sure how that is in other places in the world.

Now as to the actual meaty part of like, you going home and feeling fucking awful afterwards. Here’s some stuff you may want to keep in mind in the future:

1. They work for you. And their job is not to make you feel like you are the worst ever. That is no therapist’s job on the planet. Challenging you is not making you decompensate and become non-functional. They fucked up. Sometimes therapy will be challenging and sometimes it will hurt and if you are prone to feeling self-doubt it is going to make you self-doubt. But there is a line between ‘this is stuff that would come up anyway’ and ‘this is something you directly made happen by invalidating my feelings.’ When that happens, it is not a sign that you are the worst ever (you are not even the worst), it is a sign that they made a mistake in their job, like any person who has a job can do.

Unfortunately when therapists make mistakes, they’re making mistakes with people’s psyches, instead of fucking up the icing on a cake, or the level on a brick wall.

But yeah, they are not some authority on high to tell you What is What about Your Life.

The only expert on your life is you. And you invite them into that space to treat you with respect in the process. Invalidating your feelings is not respect. (And I say that even as someone who has disproportionate reactions to things.)

2. Idk what your support situation is like, but it may be worth reaching out to people (or animals) who can make you smile or feel a bit better or get you outside of your head for a bit.

3. Sensory stimulation to also get you outside of your head for a bit. A warm/hot shower or bath. Running your hand over interesting textures like velvet or a nubby couch. Sipping a hot drink that you took the time to make for yourself.

4. Reflecting on what’s actually happening internally like. ‘I feel like they think i’m X and X’ or ‘they must think that I’m just X’ or whatever it is. And then write that down somewhere - both for yourself, and if you decide to share it with them later, so you have clarity on what’s occurring. Sometimes just naming what you’re going through can give you enough knowledge to be like ‘right, I’m afraid that a relative stranger thinks I’m terrible because they know almost nothing about my history and they made an assumption about me.’ - If you take a step back from that, it can help to remember they are a relative stranger who knows almost nothing about you.

It’s hard here because I’m not in that session and I don’t know why the therapist said what they said (though trust me, I do believe you that they fucked up - some of them suuuuck), and I know that you go to therapy to be challenged, because if your therapist is just ‘hey fam everything you’re doing and thinking is fine go home you’re just great’ - you’re gonna go home and nothing is going to change. But I think you and I both know that there’s ways of challenging people which don’t suuuuuuck, and that if you have a good trusting bond with your therapist, you can also tell them when they fuck up, and they will actually make steps to repair that with you, so you can be stronger going into the future.

That’s actually one of the best parts of a therapeutic bond, imho, especially as someone coming from an emotionally abusive background - learning how to repair mistakes and realising that you can both do that collaboratively together, and see things get stronger. (Since, in situations of abuse, ruptures can mean no opportunities for genuine forgiveness or growth ever).

But you can’t do it with all therapists. Because some therapists are just shitty at their jobs. Like a bad baker. Or like the dude that makes pizzas but you know he just doesn’t care about pizzas really. Or the doctor who fat-shames instead of doing their fucking job.

I don’t know if I said anything that helped. All I have is some sense of solidarity because I have done the whole bad therapists thing too. My life was helped a lot by realising I was hiring them, and that they work for me. Before that, I always felt like they were some kind of godly authority figure that could see into my inner mind in a way I couldn’t and blah blah blah could Judge Me Like A God (thanks childhood, for featuring an abusive figure who was a cop that fucked up my relationship with authority figures forever). It was really hard for me to understand that no, they’re just like every other damn person you’re gonna hire to work for you: they can be fired if they’re not good at their job or if their vision is totally different to yours.

You’d fire an interior decorator who wanted to fit out your house in something you hated. You definitely have to fire a therapist who wants to fit out your brain in something that makes you hate yourself.

#asks and answers #personal #hoooooly shit this post is looooong #pia on therapy #also i've seen some great therapists now #GREAT #and some of them have made me really distressed and upset #but i could tell them (a month later)#and they were really good about it #so like #yes #i am glad to hear you're in a better place now!#*passes you chocolate and tea*#Anonymous

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