#Venting Session

[herorchidlov3r]

I am my biggest disappointment and my biggest failure.

"I am my biggest disappointment and my biggest failure."

I have failed and disappointed myself over and over again for the last decade, if not longer, and I am at a loss for what to do. I have multiple declarations dating back like 5 years of change and investment into my life but after a day or two I am back to bed rotting and scrolling on socials, I am back to wasting my days doing nothing and hating myself for it. I haven't had a semblance of a life in almost two years and my days consist of laying in bed and neglecting everything else and I wish I could say it was because of my mental health but it isn't. I'm not depressed nor have I lost the "lust for life" rather opposite. I would love to be outside and live my life, meet new people, experience things and create memories instead of slowly killing myself within the four walls of my room, instead of slowly ruining my life at a time where its supposed to be my best years. I cant even tell myself that I'll change, that I'll do better because I never do. I never change long enough for it to stick and I always fall back into the life and routines of a person that I no longer am. I am no longer a depressed teenager waiting for some miracle to save her from her from everything and yet I find myself still imprisoned in that reality whilst holding the keys to the lock. I am my own worst enemy and I don't know how to stop sabotaging myself from serious growth. I don't know how to allow myself to open the lock to cell and let myself out. Its like I am waiting for some major revelation, like the secret to life maybe, that will reconstruct my mind and cause me to change everything, but the chances of that happening are next to zero so I am stuck.

I need to start acting and behaving like I am in control of my life because I am. I am like 90% responsible for the current state of my life, everything that currently exists in my reality is an outcome of a choice I made, big or small, and I have to recognize that and take responsibility for that. A majority of the things I hate about my life are outcomes of decisions I made previously, mostly those I made with no care about how they would negatively affect me in the future. The reason I bed rot and spend my days doom scrolling is because I make the decision to do so. The reason I don't have a social life is because I never leave my house nor do I make the effort to socialize when I do leave it. The reason why I dislike the way my body looks is because I eat like shit and spend my days bed rotting instead of exercising. The reason I am constantly stressed about school is because I don't go to class, I fail my tests and let my work pile up to the point where I literally have no choice but to do it because its due soon. The reason I hate my life is because because I make decisions everyday that make my life miserable. And the sad part is, I know this. I know all of this, in fact I've known all of this for years and yet nothing changes. Even after all this, I am probably going to hit "Post", crawl back into bed and doom scroll till I pass out. Thus cementing my first statement that I am both my biggest disappointment and failure.

[ase-trollplays]

>:C--Ugh, so much for my slow relaxing night. Fucker. He better hope the legis find him first cuz I'll kneecap his ass.

>> You're mostly grumbling to yourself as you stand outside The Pail Moonslight with a couple of your employees while said legislacerators take a look around inside. They've already talked to you and the others, and you showed them the feed from the in-store cameras.

>> Unfortunately, you'll have to close early tonight. You wanted to get more things done while it was slow, but now that's out the window not to mention the costs to repair the shit that got broken and replace what was stolen. You have a headache already.

[finanmoghra]

hey! just want to say that if anyone tagged me or sent me smth that i will see it later, is just that im going through a tough time and im trying to take a moment to myself and keeping up w some new obsessions that make me dont think about any other things hahaha

its not like anyone asked or im explaining myself is just that i think i needed to let it out? idk i've been away from therapy sessions for 2 months i don't know how to express anything at all anymore so this is me trying

this place helped me on some hard time i had been through earlier this year, it was a good place to come and dont think things through, but i don't think its working like it was before so im trying to figure some things out yeah i'll be back any time

[practicalmagiick]

rant about dr. office time:

why is it when i say 'the dr told me i can reschedule my 6m follow up sooner when i get health insurance and/or the problem persists and currently both are relevant' the damn scheduler responds 'well maybe the dr has a 6m follow up for a reason'. listen here you unintelligent swine ... if i keel over and die or end up in the hospital because my heart wants to burst out of my chest, i'll direct all questions your way.

[jeszebelinhell]

Breast Cancer Survivors Empowered

As a fellow breast cancer survivor, I want to share a message of hope, strength, and empowerment. Though our journeys are unique, we share an understanding that cannot be fully grasped by those who haven’t walked this path. Take comfort in knowing you are never alone. Together, we form an unbreakable sisterhood. The road ahead will challenge you in ways you can’t yet imagine. There will be dark…

[slavhew]

artblock busters

[indigo-greer-collins]

after the valentine’s day audio, all i can imagine is milo/sweetheart both being unable to focus very well or sleep because they have some kind of unshakeable feeling that something’s missing after sweetheart ghosted.

like sweetheart tries to drown themselves in work again, but they keep replaying the conversations in their head. how he somehow had the perfect balance of passion & gentleness the whole time they were together. how being in his arms was probably the most comfortable they’d felt in years. it doesn’t immediately click that they’re already attached, but they can’t help feeling like they need to go back.

milo feeling so heavy with disappointment. his usual suave demeanour starts to seem a lot more like a wet dog. he regrets not holding them for longer, he misses the few times he managed to make them laugh, he’s not sure what he would’ve said if he saw them leave, but maybe it would’ve felt better if he got to say something.

both of them are a little frustrated with themselves because it was brief. it was just supposed to be some case, how do you even end up sweet on a person that quickly?

and then there sweetheart is at the door!

[heybiji]

I'm sorry. I really want to know what I'm doing.

[mar64ds]

Clover, everyone's friend!

[sombra7567]

Passages from audios that have stuck with me, pt. 6

ZsakuVA

"Do not twist my words, you know what I mean! I'm not as strong as you! I- I'm not as old as you! But for my kind, I hear surviving one century is a blessing. I will be eighty this year. And for me to reach this far, I did what I had to! I trusted, and I was betrayed- several times over. My wounds might have healed but the scars are still branded beneath my flesh. The difference between you and I is that they will just kill you. For me? Do you know what they do to my kind? [...] They break you in ways you couldn't imagine. If we're unlucky, they show us their way of mercy. Another day to live. Like I need their mercy! A slice to the neck is more merciful than throwing us out on the streets again! But we have to pretend that we're shattered. Only then do they pull back. And once they do- once they think they've taken everything and there's nothing left of us- that's when we attack. I'm not like you, Lorenzo. I cannot- I cannot settle on a false future I may not have, and one I had no love for to begin with." (Dontis: The Incubus and the Vampire)

YuuriVoice

"Those were the last days of my childhood, ya know? Before that, I never how to worry or... when to care or... how much life can kick your ass." (Lost and Found Chapter 1: Reunion PT. 03)

"I'd question anybody who said they don't have regrets. Just because the memory of a mistake lingers doesn't mean it has to control you." (Lost and Found Chapter 1: Reunion PT. 04)

"But if that's not what you want, you can call me a million things. I- I just want you to know- that I'm yours. There's nothing else that I want. I just- I want you to know that- there's no one else. And nowhere else. For me there's just... this." (Lost and Found Chapter 2: Part 5

Good Boy Audios

"I told you. You made a fatal mistake. You locked me into my own mind. Do you know what I even do there? [...] I dream. I tinker. I build. And then I find a way to make it real. That is who I am." (Bastard Warrior: Recovering with an Artificer... Surprise! Possessed Artificer!)

Mage Bunkshelf

"I don't wanna- like- make you look bad in front of- okay, no, I don't wanna meet your friend. What's this about, huh? They're not gonna wanna see me, so why should I [...] Look at me! I'm a raccoon! I'm not like you! I'm not like your friend, I'm not human! I- I'm nothing. I don't get why you took me in, I don't belong here, I shouldn't live here. I can't do anything worth anything. [...] Sometimes I wake up like- at night a-and I- I'm afraid, all right? I'm afraid that- one day if- if I'm not useful to you- if I'm not... not good enough... one day you might not want me anymore. You might realize what's so flipping obvious... I don't belong here. Why? Why let me stay?" (Mitch the Raccoon, vol. 3)

First ~ Previous ~ Next

[dreadhorsegirl]

I can’t get over how much I dislike rook as a protagonist, and unfortunately, that makes it extremely difficult for me to replay DATV. I want to for other reasons—the world is fun, I get to see Solas, and I can explore an write headcanons in my mind.

But Rook was so poorly written as a narrative parallel to Solas, and handled the story themes poorly (even if I didn’t really like the theme, I wanted to accept it but even then it wasn’t done well re: regret), and they just are so…uncurious, no matter what way you try to shape their personality. They’re stupid, I’m sorry, they’re really dumb. I can’t handle it tbh and it’s just so off putting.

[charcubed]

Doctor Odyssey thoughts after the penultimate episode!

Or more accurately... Doctor Odyssey "worst case scenario crash out" exploration of a sorts, with some thoughts I've been sitting on without sharing for a bit:

• I'm staying in line for ODY3 and hopefully renewal because I'm incredibly stubborn, but more importantly because I personally find it more fun/rewarding to have excitement and "hope" about the shows and storylines I enjoy until the (possibly bitter) end. I don't find it fun to make myself truly miserable preemptively when watching something.

• I don't think it's an accident that this finale storyline involves a "group wedding" in language even if we don't get to see it in practice (more on that later), and also that the ship's got double booking going on as they're overrun with passengers. I think the intent/setup for some possible throuple follow-through is deliberately all there and so close we can taste it.

• However. That being said:

• We all have eyes and brains. I don't need to recount all the ways the throuple has felt like more of a love triangle and less like a throuple for several episodes, even since the absolute emotional peak and gorgeous cinema of Hot Tub Week seemingly put us back on track. Some of that was for episode reordering reasons, yes... but there hasn't been a ton of effort to course correct since, and overall in the back half of the season we also haven't gotten much Tristan/Max interactions either which has fucked with the characters' dynamics.

• Setting aside the boys' side of the triangle though: the bare minimum hope now is for Avery to choose them both, and for the boys' part to be either hinted at or developed in a second season. This is what we've been reduced to hoping for at this point with one episode to go, right? Manifesting it regardless.

• But!

• Look. Doctor Odyssey's been a miraculous gem of a show since day one that drew us all in because it had clarity of purpose about showcasing diversity in different kinds of people, love, and relationships, and because it was very obviously intended to have the thesis of a polyamorous slow burn love story. That is the show's premise and its point, and that's also the reason why it's felt like it's been floundering a bit as that point became decentralized. The reason why it's so miraculous that the show's been accomplishing all of what it's done so far is that it's on network fucking television. Network TV is infamous for the restrictions it operates under (the cast talked about this in interviews in regards to the threesome choreography a little) and the censorship of queer storylines that tends to befall it because of executive oversight.

• Censorship is why we have subtext and queercoding, and also why people's use of the word "queerbaiting" is nearly always bullshit that erases nuance and the acknowledgement of the constraints queer storytelling is often put under. But I digress.

• All this to say: this ain't my first rodeo. It likely isn't yours either. And there is, unfortunately, a non-zero possibility that – despite its miraculous existence – Doctor Odyssey as a show did not get to evade the crush of the censorship boot and network executive interference indefinitely. Especially after coming back from hiatus.

• That statement ^^^ stands on its own merit, because I think at this point it can be a hypothesis that holds up based on a lot of storyline and character dynamic shifting we've been seeing. It's not a wild thing to think.

• But here is where I also put my conspiracy hat on for a quick second, as a treat. Last episode, when we heard the Captain say to Max, "It got me thinking about the future and life after the Odyssey. Family. Love. But you just can't make someone else want the things that you want. So I’ve taken the next-best course: accept and surrender"... I was like, hmmm. What I'd LIKE for that to mean, in the style of unsubtle typical Doctor Odyssey foreshadowing, is an eventual "accept and surrender" to a throuple scenario. But in the moment, the dark second thing that occurred to me for its potential meaning was a worst case scenario option: that that line is potentially extra-narratively about having to accept and surrender to doing more of a love triangle than polyamory.

• Here's why: The Captain is the consistent mouthpiece of love and support for the OT3 in our show. I adore him. He is the captain of the ship, pun intended. "The three of you take care of each other. I like seeing that," for example. When Captain Massey speaks of what he wants for our trio, it's what we (and likely the creative team behind the story) want too. So him saying he couldn't make someone want what he wanted... It did make me wonder if it was a small warning.

• (Also worth noting that, in a semi-abrupt turn, this was about how the Captain just lost the baby he was so excited to have. The baby and life he accepted he was ready to move forward + embrace in the Hot Tub Week episode, which was also our peak ODY3 indication episode. Captain lost his baby... did we lose ODY3? And so on. He is also about to be removed from his position of authority as Captain in the final episode of the season, based on the promo; whether he'll be reinstated by the end of it remains to be seen, but of course I hope so from a character perspective as part of a happy-ish ending.)

• Yes, this all sounds bananas. But remember, the Captain's lines aside, my point here is that this is still network TV, and there is no end to the amount of things network executives can decide to turn around and stifle when it comes to queer stories.

• Part of this is because I'm still thinking about that Disney exec's quote about a possible Doctor Odyssey renewal. We've all seen it:

"I really love Doctor Odyssey, I think it’s a wildly inventive show, and we’re doing everything we can to support it. That decision ultimately lies with Ryan Murphy, whether Ryan wants to continue to do it, and he feels like there’s stories to tell that he feels confident in."

• I have quietly felt like this quote was some level of bullshit from the moment I read it lol. Again, this is all conjecture, BUT: there is a non-zero possibility that the execs gave Ryan Murphy an ultimatum about no longer doing polyamory, and since that's the premise of the show, he is stuck struggling to figure out where the show can go from here. Which is maybe why it's a decision (but not much of one) that the execs say Ryan Murphy has to make, which positions him as the bad guy who has to take the fallout from fans if he ostensibly ~just decides not to continue the story~ if renewal doesn't happen.

• So. With aaalllll that in mind, this is my Responsible Posting moment before the finale next week (and God I'm tired of having to write this type of post. But this ain't my first rodeo):

• If we do end on some fuckass "Avery chooses Max in the love triangle and Tristan's heart is broken" type of worst case scenario story, and especially if we don't get renewal after that, it will suck so fucking bad. SO bad. It'll be a tragedy after all the potential. In my stubbornness, even as I type this, I still have some level of belief that won't be the case and that even if we don't get explicit throuple we'll somehow get a secret third thing lol. But I'm preemptively holding up the Hot Tub Week episode (and these words from the director of it) and shaking it like a rag doll to remind everyone that that episode was crystal fucking clear and given to us as a gift that works as an optional "I've decided the story ends here" if we need it to be. That is not an accident, or queerbaiting, or whatever-the-fuck-else people will start calling it (and the threesome, and the multiple explicit poly relationships we got on network TV, and all the other queerness this show gave us) if this goes south. I'm saying this now in advance in case it ends up being needed: You aren't insane, this show wasn't stringing you along maliciously, what we did get was still beautiful, shit happens when it comes to network TV even in the big year of 2025, yes we can and will crash out but we can do so with nuance without blaming creatives who fight for the stories we love rather than the people above them who limit their work, Goddammit.

• And! And. If we do get a fuckass ending, I will personally also be perceiving and witnessing and pointing to whatever throuple crumbs we may get in between the fuckery. Because if NOTHING ELSE, I do have faith those crumbs will be there despite any bullshit. The creators of this show knew what they were making, and if they weren't allowed to make it properly anymore, then... it may be a situation where they did what they could, and so I'll be doing what I can to glean the hints at that.

• I hope this makes sense.

• TL;DR: if they leave the throuple behind for a love triangle "resolution" type of ending in the eleventh hour, remember how we got here and understand how we got here and know where to direct your ire.

• Thank you for coming to my TED talk. This was written out of caution and minor foreboding but hopefully it'll all become unnecessary.

• Now let's get this ODY3 + renewal anyway despite it all. Yes? Yes.

[dirtytransmasc]

cw - minor vent/irl grief

[riiviir]

to everyone who refuses to do something small in order accommodate someone disabled:

why is being an asshole so important to you

[lilcritterdoingmabest]

some Shadow Company lore

theres rumours of secret poetry club.

most rookie Shadows don't think its real while others have made it a life goal to prove its existence

The secret poetry club thinks Graves doesn't know

he does.

he just chooses not to say anything

no ones sure if its because he's trying to gaslight them or give them privacy

[muffinrecord]

Oh yeah and that's not to mention that I need to go back eventually and record all the stupid Magia Exedra-original parts that... aren't in the archive. Like Namae's commentary on events or reactions to memsparks and things like that. Which means new account eventually and tbh I don't feel like doing it. I'm kind of considering outsourcing that work and asking someone else to do it... But that feels really mean. Why? Swapping accounts SUCKS in this game.

I would swap accounts on Magireco easily (and maintained a few alts to collect stuff I couldn't get on my main), but it's SUCH a massive pain here. Every time you swap it takes a long time to port the data over I guess? And it also resets EVERYTHING. So how you ordered things to descend (for example, how portraits are displayed) and also it's not saved across all settings, you'll have to change it for the training page, then when you equip it, then... And you have to do it for every single thing that takes a preference into account.

Like it's not a big deal in the small scheme of things. If it was just one thing then I could deal with it just fine. But it all adds up. And it's EVERY single time you swap accounts.

Then there's the fact that your action points in this game need to be spent every few hours and you don't have as much leeway like you did in magireco. And how the buttons in the game don't feel very responsive so you have to click multiple times occasionally to do something. And man, I just can't be arsed. I'm allowed to put my foot down at some point, right? And say "this is my hobby and this is supposed to be fun and I am not having fun. this is a detriment to my fun."

It's like every single step can't be simple, now it needs some stupid issue that makes it more obnoxious than it needs to be. It feels like the devs went out of their way to make this game as annoying as possible to record for.

Magireco was a lot of fun to do archive work. It could be tedious too but it wasn't annoying. This game really sucks for it. It's straight up ruining my enjoyment of the game.