#WE WONT HAVE TIME TO MOURN ANYONE

[usurperkiing]

the episode timeline leaks got me 😬😬😬😬 this morning

[duothelingo]

Serious post gross.

I know I have a lot of followers who are trans minors so grandpa duo wants to give some wisdom that I wish someone told me when I was a baby trans man.

You don’t have to change your name. You can keep it. It’s not a requirement.

You don’t have to have T/E to be trans.

Don’t wear your binder while doing sports. It hurts.

You don’t have to be hyper masculine or hyper feminine. Just be you.

Do not use bandages. They can cause issues.

Surgery isn’t a requirement.

Being part of the lgbtqia+ community is a new family. If yours doesn’t support you now, we do.

You don’t have to pass to be trans. You are trans anyway. You look good.

Go to a coffee shop and use your chosen name to get a feel for it. They’ll shout it.

Be proud of who you are. It’s not a weakness it’s a strength.

If it’s not safe for you to come out, I promise it will be one day. The closet sucks but it’s better than being hurt. Use that time to find other people in your situation.

Being trans isn’t glamorous. It’s tears, pain, hurt and being unsure. That’s okay.

Detransitioning is fine. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Transitioning later in life is fine. Transitioning early in life is fine.

Transitioning wont happen over night. If you take hormones, it can take up to 5 years to see big differences.

Bottom surgery isn’t a requirement.

Top surgery isn’t a requirement.

You don’t have to come out if you don’t want to.

It’s okay to be angry about not being cis.

It’s okay to mourn the person you were.

You can change your name again, you don’t have to stick with it.

Love,

Someone who was forced back into the closet at 13 and is now transitioning at nearly 26.

Please add to this if you have anything else!

[pagerspages]

Being Trans is Scary

Being transgender is scary. It took me a while to comfortably use the term “Transgender” when thinking and/or talking about myself but I am. A Transgender person is someone who does not identify as the sex/gender they were assigned at birth. I was assigned male at birth and now I identify as nonbinary. I am transgender. 

A friend of mine called me an egg the other day. Granted I did say something rather egg like. I showed this to my other friend who assured me that I was very much cracked and there was only a bit of shell left. 

I played with makeup today for the first time. I’ve worn makeup before, but this is the first time I actually went out and bought makeup and put it on myself. I wore makeup when I was in plays in middle school and I have a former friend of mine that did my makeup once. I don’t know if I’ll ever be one to wear a full face of makeup daily. Eye makeup is fun though. I will definitely do eyeliner and mascara again, maybe eyeshadow too. 

Now to the scary part I guess. I live in an area where trans people are not respected. They are ridiculed and treated as less than human, for this reason I probably wont be coming out to anyone other than a few close friends. I think like four people know right now. I was doing my makeup today with a friend of mine in her backyard when her mom came out. Her mom is one of those people who would probably not treat me very nicely. I had just about finished my lipstick when we heard the door open. I hurried and grabbed a makeup wipe and got the lipstick off and the majority of the eyeshadow. Thankfully she either just didn’t notice or didn’t say anything. 

I’m not sure why I got so scared. I mean the absolutely worst thing that could have happened is not being able to go back to their house but that wouldn’t have been the worst thing in the world. I’m an adult and the only reason that we live with our parents is because rent is out of control. I know people have it worse but like I got a very small glimpse of what could have been today. I’m willing to bet that why I have suppressed these feelings for so long is because of the area I was raised in.

Remember it’s okay to mourn the people you could have been if your situation were better. 

[notthestarwar]

👀so… undead fox you say?

omg thank you for asking! sorry it took me so long to reply to this lol

ok i love this story its so twisty.

ok so it begins with this

'an old evil sleeps in the heart of Coruscant. there is something wrong with the coruscant guard'

this is from ch1 (it's a red herring dw)

hound finds the body of a clone and it becomes apparent that this is far from the first. the guard keep finding these bodies and theyre very sad about it but also being kind of shifty? like. they arent telling anyone outside the guard about it and theyre kinda dealing with it quietly.

meanwhile, the guard are trying to deal with hushing up another problem. theres something very wrong with Fox. he is acting kind of creepy. vacant and he's always staring off in to the distance with glazed eyes and theyre having to round him up and keep an eye on him at all times but he always manages to escape anyway. he's always talking about hearing the whispers of coruscant and saying bizzare shit. theyre trying to get him to keep his helmet on to hide that there is clearly something up with him but he's just not cooperating. he isnt really doing his job anymore and he also wont look after himself at all. theyre having to make him shower and clean his teeth and stuff.

pretty much: the guard is stressed as hell trying to keep this all under wraps. theyre having to dodge calls from foxs batchmates. the calls turn in to visits. theyre still finding dead clones round every corner on coruscant and going to a strange amount of effort to hide the deaths. you begin to get the idea that maybe… maybe its fox killing these clones.

eventually, cody turns up at the guard headquarters just as theyre taking in a dead clone. and. surprise! the dead clone is fox.

the story comes out, it turns out ALL the dead clones are fox. It started with the chancellor was sending fox on these weird missions. he came back from one of them different, (possesed) and ever since then the chancellor keeps killing him. every time, fox just reports in like normal after he wakes up. the chancellor is disturbed as hell. he cant find any way to use fox, fox is just a liability. if the jedi find out about this possessed clone, theyre going to start asking questions palpatine doesnt want asked. he's worried fox could be traced back to him. but heres the funny part. he is weirdly unnerved by fox. he's a bit of a control freak and he hates how out of control this situation is with fox and fox is generally…very creepy. in palpatines eyes its like. you kill your employee and the next morning he's standing at your desk like nothing has changed. he's unnerving!!! palpatine is so creeped out by fox that he doesnt want to imprison him so he just ends up with this tunnel vision trying all these different ways to kill him like. it'll work this time.

once cody finds out they go to the jedi and tell all. the jedi are like. right we need evidence so we can take down the chancellor. quin starts working on the case, but his proximity to new fox results in him being slightly possesed himself and falling. now they are weird and creepy together.

the whole point of the story is about the guard grieving someone whos still there. meanwhile, fox is trying to figure out who he is now (he eventually gets more of a hold over the posession and starts living again but hes a whole new person now.) while watching the guard mourn someone he doesnt remember how to be. he cant be that for them. his old self is a stranger.

its also about how trauma can make you worse. he knows that they all miss who he was but he's changed. quinlan is made worse by fox and neither of them really care. quinlan is happy to embrace this new him now hes fallen. theyre both making each other worse but they do love each other. the sith spirit iteself has been changed by trauma, it turns out that it was the spirit of a child thats been trapped in this sith temple for ages, slowly losing what it is to be human. the spirit possesses him both to save itself and to save fox. so the whole story is about these grey areas of morality. theyre not doing the right thing, nobody is, but at the same time its kind of understandable why??? its a mixed bag of fun ethical dilemas pretty much.

I've done a lot of thinking about the vibes of this and I've assigned a quote to each chapter like I did with dead from the beginning so that's been fun

This is the ending I've got planned. Fox and quin go off together as these new, worse versions of themselves. The guard and the jedi struggle to understand cause they're stuck on the ppl that Fox and quin were

[tathrin]

I should probably wait for when I get around to posting this whole chapter, but. I just wrote this section and I like it a lot and I don’t want to wait, I want to share it now. And this is from like chapter seventeen or something, and I only have up to chapter six posted and I really don’t want to wait that long ugh. So please have some peaceful, before-the-storm, out-of-context (but you don’t really need the context for this, I promise) pre-gimleaf interaction from my zombie au fic.

(Spoiler Warning for the Zombie Au Fic, I suppose, although nothing that’s particularly plot-relevant, I don’t think. Y’all knew they were going to meet eventually, and the fact that it’s happening in Rivendell is not much of a give-away imo. But stop reading now if you’re reading that story and don’t want to read anything out-of-order, I suppose.)

Strange as Rivendell is, however, it is nothing compared to the strangeness of the elf who flits up to Gimli now, his loose golden hair bouncing like tufts of dandelion in the breeze behind him.

"Legolas," Gimli says; a flat acknowledgement rather than a greeting.

Legolas smiles brightly and hops onto the bench beside him, crouching on his heels rather than sitting like a proper creature, as seems to be his wont. (Gimli tries to remember if he has ever seen this elf sit in a chair the way people do, then wonders why he is wasting the mental effort on someone for whom he cares so little.) Legolas is holding some kind of long stem in one hand, and he pinches a small purple bud off of it and sticks it in his mouth.

"What are you eating?" Gimli finds himself asking before he can remember that he doesn't care.

"Lavender," says Legolas. He holds the stem out. "Would you like some?"

Gimli blinks. "No," he says. "No, thank you."

After a pause while the elf plucks at his lavender and tilts his head back to stare up at the trees that line the street beside their bench, Gimli cannot help but to say anxiously, "Lavender. Which you…plucked from someone's garden as you passed?"

Legolas tilts his head, apparently thinking the possibility over. Then he says, "Yes."

"Ah," says Gimli.

He does not know much about gardens or flowers, but he thinks of the humans of Dale, and how territorial some of them can be about their homes and the surrounding grounds.

"Perhaps…perhaps you should not do that again," he says gently.

Legolas turns his silver-bright eyes on the dwarf and blinks at him. "Why?" he says, tilting his head the other way now before breaking into a grin again. "Oh! No, you do not need to worry, Gimli, it will not hurt the flower to lose a few buds. We grow lavender in Mirkwood, too, and I know its growth well. It flourishes in the south of our trees especially, or—or it did," he finishes, his voice going soft and a shadow passing across his gleaming eyes. "I do not know how it fares now, of course." Legolas ducks his head and turns away.

Gimli does not know what to say that will be of any comfort, and he cannot bear to make this strange creature feel worse while he is mourning for his homeland, so he abandons his attempt to explain the concept of private gardens and potentially possessive gardeners. He has a difficult time imagining that anyone in this peaceful valley will take offense to someone plucking a single strand of lavender from their garden, anyway.

He hopes.

I love writing about Mirkwood elves as these weird forest cryptids, and one of my favorite parts of this modernized-Middle-earth AU I’ve got going on here is how while everywhere else is a little bit more like our world due to the modern technology/society/etc innovations, Mirkwood is just even weirder than it was in canon, and Gimli is just like...what the fuck, what is this weirdo elf and why won’t he leave me alone. what the hell am I getting myself into. fuck.

Anyway whether you’re reading the zombie fic or not I hope you enjoy this little moment of out-of-context levity from it.

[halliescomut]

Jeff Satur song theory

So there's something I noticed in listening to Jeff's English songs after Dum Dum came out last week. And it's just a theory, but it honestly was so interesting my brain just latched on and wouldn't let go.

For some caveats, I'm only counting songs he released in English that aren't related to tv shows, aren't collabs. So that means Fade, Hide, and Dum Dum. I'm specifying them having an English version, because there's not always full clarity with translated lyrics. With English releases I know that Jeff consciously chose the wording to evoke certain ideas/emotions, even if it may not be a direct translation to the original Thai.

So here's my theory...THE STAGES OF GRIEF.

The reason I thought about this was is interview with Woody where he talked about writing more melancholy music because he'd not had a successful relationship yet. Meaning for whatever reason they broke up, whether it was mutual isn't really the point, and honestly, the man is 28 (I think, I can't be bothered to Google) so in a decade I'd imagine he's had at least a few longer term relationships. But his songs that he writes are about his feelings after those 'failed' relationships. (I don't love the term failed, bc often it's not really anyone's direct fault, but I digress.)

But anyway, listening to Dum Dum, that's anger, 100% .

The lyrics scream anger and frustration, the aggression in the melody of the song, in the music video. It's all that white hot heat, and I think if you also look at the concept of there being two Jeff's in the video--there's a pretty common idea about anger turning someone into a different person. I've also seen people referencing the video in regards to Jeff kind of stepping back into the shoes of Kim almost in reference to what could Kim have been like if he lost Chay, or if he never found him, if he never became WiK, and I can definitely see that was well. In all of those scenarios, it's a Kim who's in mourning. A Kim who's grieving the loss of his true love, his first love, his chance at love. Grieving the loss of a future he decided for himself. There's a lot of possible subtext to read there. And all of this is what sparked the idea of grief and our human reactions to it as a possible theme of Jeff's music recently.

Going back and looking at the previous releases, we start with Hide, which was released in May of 2022. The lyrics, tone, feeling of the song, the say denial to me.

This idea of going to the places that remind him of their relationship. Asking to sing them one more song. Asking why they don't truly believe in his love for them. It also to me gives a feeling of maybe the relationship ending because they weren't in the same place as far as readiness for something public, serious, exclusive, there's quite a few reads here (which is why it's interesting). If you want to read it through a queer lens, as though one party was not ready to be out yet. I'm not here to speculate specifically on Jeff's sexuality, and honestly as a lyricist and composer, I don't think he needs to have direct 1:1 experience to be able to address that idea or include that as a facet of his lyrics.

The last song to go over is Fade. Fade to me brings to mind the bargaining stage, but in a little bit of a different way.

Normally with bargaining in regards to grief, it's very connected to denial, it's this concept of "if I had had done something different...", "if I made different choices...", "if I was a better person...". The music video offers the idea of his love interest dying, but this is of course applicable to just the idea of the 'death of a relationship'. It also relates to the story of the M/V on the level of "if I do better this life, maybe I wont lose them, maybe I'll be deemed worthy of more time with them..." Looking at the lyrics alone, without the context of the video, they can be seen as bargaining with the memory of the person. It's this exhaustion of being continuously reminded of a person, which makes you experience that grief over and over again. Our minds can't maintain that, regardless of the relationship you're grieving or the way in which that relationship ended.

In another aspect, not inline with this discussion, but certainly related in terms of this being a deep dive into his lyrics and concepts of his songs. I like that Jeff references crying. There's the overarching reason of it's important for boys and men to understand that crying is an acceptable reaction to grief and sadness. I think it really does matter, even with this not being the main point of the songs, it's still there, so it's still affecting listeners, it's still encouraging the idea of not being afraid of tears as a man, or as a human.

The lyrics of Fade say "crying but my eyes both have not been dry for days". He's deep in the grief still. Then in Dum Dum, "I used to cry but the tears is dry". He's starting to move on a little. I would say, based on the anger of Dum Dum, it's a mix of moving on and masking your pain with anger. I've said it before on here I'm sure, but it was pointed out by a therapist that anger is a secondary emotion. It's a reaction to something else, like frustration, like disappointment, and of course like grief or sadness. We bring anger to the forefront because it doesn't allow for too much analysis, and it also takes a lot of energy, which can help put you in a state where your mind becomes exhausted enough to rest. It's a similar idea to working out or doing activities you find physically exhausting in order to tire out your body.

Anyway, I don't know if any of you might have found this specifically accurate, relevant, interesting, but it's something that I just couldn't put away once I had sort of made the connection. In know they're loose connections, very much so, but I also don't think they're wild leaps.

I appreciation for reading all of this...if you did...enjoy yet another hot ass picture of Jeff:

[kingcunny]

EIHF again. :)

1) Your Balerion post makes me so sad. Viserys is a swan in a human form. He mates for life. He can give his heart only once. Balerion, Aemma, Daemon, Rhaenyra. There may be other wives, other daughters, other brothers, but the connection will never be like the first. I really believe had his baby brother Aegon lived, that relationship would have been even more strained than his relationship with Daemon. He already has a brother. That box has been ticked. To say nothing of the fact that his birth resulted in Alyssa's death.

2) Viserys has some deeply rooted abandonment problems, which he generously passes on to everyone else! Above all, being crowned was just a deeply alienating experience. It fractured every relationship he had. I have to believe (particularly for HOTD Viserys) that Jaehaerys strong-armed him into bringing his claim to the Great Council, and there's some resentment towards him there. Maybe at some point, he believed the Crown could bind his Favorite People to him forever.

3) There's like, what, a 24-hour jump between,"I don't want to command her," and, "Her wishes are irrelevent," re: Rhaenyra getting married. He really does not want to be her King, but when he decides he must, he's out here killing flies with a sledgehammer. He never finds the balance with anyone, but especially not with Rhaenyra. She is comfortable in her own skin, certain of her own mind in a way he never has been, and I think it baffles him.

1. someone left a tag on one of my other viserys and balerion posts that was like “why is this viserys most loyal relationship” that made me laugh a bit cause, yeah, it was! he mightve cheated on both his wives, but balerion, oh, balerion was *special*. he was viserys one true love and his closest partner. he would never have another relationship like balerion.

thats an interesting thought about aegon, when ive thought about if he lived ive usually thought about how it would affect daemon. but i can see it. my ‘older boysister that raised me’ viserys wouldve done his duty and raised aegon and taken care of him, but he would never love him the way he loved daemon. and that wouldve been apparent to aegon. both brothers (viserys subconsciously, daemon consciously) wouldve probably blamed him for alyssas death as well… only deeping the divide between the three

aemma however… i think we need to define ‘love’. cause while i do think viserys loved aemma while she was alive, a sort of ‘this was an arranged marriage but weve made it work’ type thing, how much of viserys enduring love for her is truly ‘love’ quote unquote vs the martyization of her in his mind and his enduring guilt for having killed her. maybe thats what you meant, but to me viserys ‘loved’ her much more after she died, in a way.

2. oh absolutely. he grew up watching his family drop dead around him, both his parents died, his dragon died. that thing he says to rhaenyra about how “their line is too easily extinguished”. those abandonment issues is why he holds so tightly to those hes decided are His (but even thats paradoxical, his attention his very fleeting!)

ive always thought that daemon started gathering swords to ‘defend’ viserys claim without asking if viserys even wanted his claim defended! i think that even though baelon was heir, it never really clicked with viserys that meant he was next? so when baelon died viserys just wanted to mourn his father but everyones looking at him expecting him to take the crown. i really like the idea that it was jaehaerys that had to push him up to the plate

3. correct me if im wrong but wasnt the “her feelings are irrelevant” comment was made about rhaenyra getting married in General, since she said she does not want to marry? but im just splitting hairs. cause he still does do that severe flip from father to king when he tells rhaenyra she will be marrying laenor, and wont hear any argument about it. he does it to daemon time and time again. he doesnt know how to juggle the roles of king and father and brother. something else im gonna blame on jaehaerys, who was absolutely using his power as king against his family. and even though i think viserys has some heavy cognitive dissonance about jaehaerys, he at some level Knows how hard he was on family, and Doesnt want to be like that. but also doesnt have any good refrences on how to balance those roles properly.

i think that thing he said to rhaenyra about how “even he does not exist above tradition and duty” comment was soo telling. viserys did not WANT to get remarried, he even says to alicent that he never imagined he would marry again! (an aside: imagine what his heavily pregnant wife thought hearing that. lol) after aemma died i think he wanted to do the same thing his father did; remain forever a widower to ‘honor’ his wifes memory, but he wasnt strong enough to even hold himself to that. i think viserys is very self conscious, and has more or less just done what the people around him have expected him to do. so when rhaenyra is willing to stand up for herself and wants to live her life Her Way, its very baffling and frustrating and when hes being honest with himself, admirable.

[bridgyrose]

Ruby and Ozpin comes across a mirror showing their deepest desires. She sees her friends and family together... but not herself. Ozpin is a touch concerned.

Ruby slowly walked into the storage room under Vacuo Academy and put her hand against the mirror, dragging her fingers down the cold, dusty glass as she looked around the large room. “What exactly is this place?”

“A storage room for relics that I’ve picked up along the way,” Ozpin said as he took over Oscar, his voice becoming a bit more proper. “A lot of them are from the era I was born in, others were collected over the years as artifacts I wanted to hide away to keep the people of Remnant from dividing themselves further. And no, none of them are the same as the ones Salem is after.” 

“Right, more secrets.” Ruby took a step back from the mirror and paused as she watched it come to life and show her friends and family together. “And what exactly does this one do?” 

Ozpin frowned for a moment as he watched the scene in the mirror unfold. “Its a mirror that shows you your heart's desire.” 

Ruby nodded and smiled a bit as she watched her friends laugh together before the mirror changed to show Ozpin’s desire, him and Salem together with their children. “I think I understand why this one was hidden away.” 

“Ruby, are… are you okay?” 

“What do you mean?” 

“The mirror showed your desire and you werent part of it. Are you okay?” 

Ruby sighed and put her hand on her arm, gently tracing the faint scars that she had. “I’m… fine. Really, there’s nothing to worry about. If my friends and family are happy, that’s what matters, right?” She looked at the mirror again and smiled a bit as she saw her friends appear once more, her fingers squeezing against her arm tightly as she took a breath to keep her voice steady. “Besides, we all know how this ends once Salem is stopped. Blake and Yang will slow down and start working on making strides for faunus rights, Weiss will pick up the pieces to the SDC and make it a company her grandfather would be proud of, Jaune, Nora, and Ren will go off on their own and I…” 

Ozpin sighed and put a hand on Ruby’s shoulder. “This doesnt have to end with you being out of the picture. You’ll be allowed to spend time with your friends and family, to have a family of your own-” 

“I’m not worried about that,” Ruby said as she sat down and looked at the different artifacts in the room. She pulled her hand away from her arm and let out a sigh as she instinctively reached for her scythe. “Once this is all over, I’ll disappear. Just like every other hero from every story. If I’ve learned anything, its that I… I wont be needed anymore once Salem is gone. My friends have each other, and while I can stay with them, I know I wont. They’ll be able to handle what life throws at them.” 

“And if they continue to need you in their lives?” 

“Why would they?”

Ozpin sighed and pulled back. “Surely they’ll want you to be around.” 

Ruby went quiet as she lowered her hand from her scythe and slowly pulled her arm to her chest. Of course she they’d want her around, but the words she wanted to say, the way everything still weighed down on her even after recognizing she could lean on her friends, the way her heart ached from losing those she cared about, seeing those she loved get hurt over and over again, never having enough time to mourn the losses of those closest to her, constantly being too slow to save anyone. She squeezed her fingers around her arm, nails starting to break skin as she dragged them down her arm. “They’ll be better off without me. I’ve done nothing but drag them along into problem after problem, get them hurt-” 

“And you know they’d do it over again, right?” 

Ruby hesitated as she looked over at Oscar again, recognizing it was him and not Ozpin in control. Her grip tightened around her arm for a moment before trying to loosen up again, her eyes focused on his as she felt his hand on hers. “You dont know that.” 

“Not really, but I’ve seen the way they follow you.” Oscar smiled as he pulled her hand away from her arm. “And I know that, if given the chance, they’d follow you like this again and again.” 

Ruby sighed and pulled her hand away from Oscar, looking away from his eyes as she spoke once more, her voice starting to break. “I’ve dragged them into this fight, pulled them away from others, brought them into a war that we still dont know how to win… all because I wanted, needed answers.” 

Oscar smiled and gently pulled Ruby into a hug. “And if they didnt want to follow you, they’d leave. Instead, they’ve kept to your side the whole time. They’ll always want you in their lives and they’ll help us find a way to stop Salem.” 

Ruby sighed and nodded, gently wrapping her arms around Oscar with a deep breath. “I know, but… I cant keep dragging them into this. I need it to be their choice.” 

“Then we can ask them.” Oscar pulled away from Ruby and motioned for her to follow him. “We need to work on a game plan anyway to make sure we know how we’re going to handle Salem. If anyone wants to back out now, we can give them the chance to.” 

“I’ll be up there in a bit. I… I want a little time to think.” 

“Dont be long.” 

Ruby put up a sad smile as she watched Oscar leave, turning to face the mirror once she was certain he was away. Her smile dropped as she watched her friends enjoying themselves, gently pressing her fingers against the glass as the image started to disappear for a moment. Finally, she pulled away from the mirror and sighed. “As long as everything goes according to plan, it’ll all work out for you guys.”

[moved2fshfish]

i have watched the dsmp finale multiple times and it hits hard every time. i am emotionally wrecked rn.

wbu? also overall what are ur thoughts on the finale??

personally i thought it was gr8- tommy died a hero, dream didn't die a villain, and overall it felt very poetic and epic

i havent seen tommys pov so i cant really say many thoughts on that, i dont like that they made cdream sympathisable(?) i guess ? idk hes been the bad guy For the whole smp and if he was going to get a redemption arc i feel like it shouldnt have been rushed . he abused ctommy and drove him to attempt suicide not to mention all the shit he did to ctubbo too ?

ctubbos ending, on the Other hand :( ough.

im disapointed we didnt get closure for him. he never got to prove that he wasn"t just the sidekick, he never got to confront cdrm or Anyone, he just sort of.. stayed the pawn

he flicked the lever, thinking it was going to kill his best friend but also save the world. and his death ?? sitting on the bench where him and tommy always sat, listening to the discs???? ow

i dont like the ending that much . it feels sort of lazy and the "they all get amnesia" season 2 ??? its poetic That ctubbos creation ended everything, that ctommy died thinking he saved ctubbo, but, idk. i wish we couldve gotten closure

it feels like i cared about these characters for no reason, there wasnt Much actual tragedy in the ending but more being upset that all the characters i cared about died Jist like that

im gonna miss ctubbo man:( i think im mostly sad Because i relate to him a lot and him losing that hope of ever being happy made me lose some hope for myself

we never got cbeeduo ending, and what was in the book tommy left ???? what about micheal and the syndicate and the mushroom base and las nevadas and Karls time travelling ???? did ckarl know this wuz gna happen??

so many questions LMAO

i do think,that its an interesting ending. im sad that ctubbo wont ever go on to lead a happy life and im sad cbeeduo wont ever see each other again and im sad micheal is an orphan or probably dead

and im sad theres nobody to mourn ctubbo like he mourned everyone else , theres nobody to grieve or miss him or accidentially bring out an extra plate for dinner or look at his empty spot in the bed or notice his unused shoes on the porch but never get rid of them

all in all itwas a tragic miserable abrupt ending to a tragic miserable Smp

:(

[aemiron-main]

I have a few questions actually Mr...Aemiron? sure, anyway- my first question is 1: what specific powers do you think will is going to have?

2: will we see new monsters? if so, what will they be?

3: are the kids gonna still go to school?

4: what characters are you absolutely CERTAIN will die?

5: also this isn't a question but how COOL would it be to see Mike with a SWORD?!??! I MEAN IT WOULD BE SO COOL TO SEE MIKE ACTUALLY DO SHIT FOR ONCE.

6: and my last question, how do you think El is going to die?

AAAAA HELLO LMAO!!! <3 MR AEMIRON IS SO FUNNY BUT IN A SWEET WAY LIKE ITS WONDERFUL but please feel free to just call me Em or call me whatever you want LMAO like im happy to be called anything i just dont want you to feel like you Have to be formal ANYWAY IM RAMBLING LETS GET INTO YOUR QUESTIONS! 1.) OHOHOH THIS IS A QUESTION IM STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT. Personally I think a lot of will's powers are going to be tied to the fact that so far he's the only person we've seen whose physical body can do the same thing in the real world and in the upside-down at the same time, and so technically that may also fall into time travel because if the upside down is really stuck in time and doesn't just look like it's stuck in time, then therefore, Will has been able to exist in two times at one during his upside down episodes in s2. I also think he might have healing powers, with him being referred to as a cleric regarding dnd (but also a wizard sometimes so hmm but i think its more that will the wise is a wizard whereas mike sees will himself as a cleric- and mike as a paladin- and so that would align w will having cleric-like powers). 2.) Absolutely. I feel strongly that we will totally see new monsters, and that one of them is going to be some sort of weird dragon creature, like what Nancy mentioned about a huge creature with a gaping mouth. 3.) THIS IS A GOOD QUESTION: I think it could go either way but seeing how the school gym's been converted into a relief centre for the time being, and how the storm was approaching the characters at the end of s4 and how the duffers talked about jumping right into the action in s5, I don't think they'll be in school because I feel like a.) theres too much happening and b.) story-wise, the duffers have already set it up in a way where them not going to school isn't a plothole/their absence wont really be questioned because even though the whole town doesn't know about the supernatural side of things, they DO know about the earthquake destruction. 4.) HMMMM I can't say I'm absolutely certain of anyone's death except for Vecna's (and even then i wasn't really certain of his until they had Will emphasize that they have to kill him and then thought more about the ways in which Henry's tied into Will's narrative and why he's gotta die/Will deserves to kill him), but I'm starting to wonder about a steve death considering that fire and rain, a literal song about death and mourning and suicide (which could tie into steve sacrificing himself and getting himself killed), played during steve's six little nuggets speech. I'm also definitely starting to lean towards the idea that Mike is going to die briefly and then come back to life because a.) s5 is seeming like it's going to tie back to s1 in a lot of ways/parallel it, which means that since will was the one who seemed to be dead in s1 and mike was searching for him, the roles will likely be reversed in s5 and b.) mike has too many death flags waving about his head for him not to die in some way but I can't see them killing him permanently. 5.) IT WOULD BE SO COOL IT WOULD BE AMAZING I WANT MIKE TO GET BACK TO DOING THINGS BC USUALLY HE DOES DO THINGS LIKE HES SMART HE FIGURED OUT THE UPSIDE DOWN AND THE HIVEMIND BUT SEASON 4 WAS MOSTLY GAY PINING TM FOR HIM SO HOPEFULLY IN S5 HE GETS TO GAY PINE WITH A SWORD!! 6.) I don't think that El will die in s5, I think that in a metaphorical way, the identity of "Eleven"/that superhero persona that's been forced onto her is going to die by the end of it once everything is saved and she has her independence and freedom! In regards to El's eventual death because she is a human being after all, though, I like to think that she'd be somewhere after living a long life, surrounded by people who love her in a place that makes her happy!

[alexxs-stufff]

okaay, anyone dont know who is Sophie. she is right hereeee ⬇️

yup. thats not what are u expected from "Spark's adopted child", isnt it? i will explain to u abt her.

first of all - who is she? is that cat or something else? she is a fox-wolf hybrid, if i can say so. because of that, she had very poor health as a child, wounds healed for a long time. due to being a half-breed, she has a rather small snout compared to her parents. and parents hates her. why? she was half-breed. in their tribes (foxes and wolves) half-breeds like her were treated rather badly, and it doesn't matter if they were in good health or not, in the wolf tribe they were either killed without mercy or eaten. as you already understood, Sophie's father suggested that her mother eat their daughter, to which she replied: "let her stay, you never know, suddenly she can resist someone." but her father if he not eat his child, then he will torture her. because of THIS Sophie's left arm, as u can understand, because of father.

and tbh, sorry, Chuwush, im not copy backstory of your one character, just to know, Sophie was created in 2015≈, and then her redesign was in 2020. so pls, sorry if it looks so familiar.

Sophie doesn't know much about the world around her. mother did not let her daughter out, feed her only bones from the meat, did not give her due attention, and beat (or hit) her for every sound she made. the one thing that her mother made for her daughter - she taught her daughter to write and read. but we have "BUT", her mother MADE her write with her right hand, as writing with her left hand was "against nature" as she says.

and here it is! Sophie is ambidexter cuz of her mother and she was just comfortable writing with her left hand!

unfortunately or not, but the "wolves" violated the treaty by killing one fox, which was strictly prohibited by the treaty. because of this, the war began. many who died. what am i talking about, everyone died. no one was left alive. children, women - all were killed. even Sophie's mother and father. do you think that Sophie was happy about the death of both parents? no. she sincerely mourned for them, blamed herself for that war. but there was no time to simply mourn them, the smell of corpses urged her to run away from here while she still could.

aaand, after all of that, Sophie started survived only and only by herself. and she even learned to hunt small birds, mice, etc.! she soon forgot her parents, not even remembering their appearance. a few months later, Sophie soon find out she had already gone far. she was able to get there. able to get to the Smog City! u think she already meet Spark? not this time. at first she did not appear in public, knowing that formie would hate her and want to kill her or something worse. so she tried to steal things from them without being noticed. food, cloth, shoes, etc.

abt 4 month later, formies noticed that massive robberies had begun, but she (Sophie) only robbed food stalls, shoe stores, and so on. news channels talked about it.

one day, Sophie again tried to steal food from a nearby store, trying to be extremely careful. "come out and we'll show you our friendliness!" she suddenly heard. the voice was hoarse and rather loud. it was Mark. "b-but dont worry! we wont hurt you!" she heard later. that was Austin (u dont know him). they are "hunted" for Sophie, like u remember, the news. Sophie was scared, very scared, she didnt know what to do. she started to run away from them, Mark noticed her and ran after her. maybe Mark noticed that this time or Sophie was agile, but she was able to somehow hide somewhere in the wilderness of the area, in the trash can. "where the HECK are that creature?!" exclaimed Mark, losing sight of the fox. "Mark? what are you doing there?" suddenly heard blue formie. he heard Spark of himself, stood next to Mark. "huh? i just umm.. ahem... did you saw small creature with ears and tail?" having calmed down, Mark asked Spark. maybe suddenly he saw where Sophie had fled. "mmm, not really. i just walked around the city at night, not seeing any creatures with ears and tails." Spark answered confidently. Mark thought about it and decided to look for Sophie elsewhere, leaving the jester alone. "okay sir, sorry for disturbing, good night." said Mark, and leave Spark alone. Spark looked around and walked over to the trash can. "c'mon lil' one, you can get out of that trash." after these words, Sophie still showed up in front of Spark, but was in no hurry to leave that trash can. "poor thing... hey, do you want to eat something? i can buy you... a burger! you want some?". Sophie nodded. later, Sophie sat on a bench and waited for Spark to come, he told her to wait here. "here it comes! here." when she heard the jester, Sophie saw him handing her a burger, she sees a burger for the first time, she eats it carefully. "th-thank you... mr..." Sophie hesitated, remembering the jester's name. "Spark. you can call me Spark." answered Spark. "thank you.. mr Spark.."

[dittolicous]

i think im having my midlife crisis. cuz time is passing so fast and im just... so tired. so tired of spending everyday miserable and stressed and hoping tomorrow will be better, when it never is.

i dont want to have to struggle for another 10 years just to get a simple little home that isnt infested with roaches or has rats in the walls. i want to be able to get up in the morning to drink coffee and watch the news. see kids walking to school. learn to sew. go fishing every now and again. own a car. be able to sleep without fretting over which bill to pay before cutoff.

i. i dont feel like ill ever escape. the community around me doesn't care because im not homeless of suffering enough, because i can still work even if im a husk of a human. because everyone has to work or die. work or die.

ive spent thr last few days pouring over applications, loan possibilities, houses, financial aid, bills, etc. no jobs have reached back to me except scams or ones that are basically downgrades from what i already do. i look and i look and i look, i used that suggested google jobs thing, but all the good jobs are off the island, require 10000 years experience, have no benefits, or are all work that i utterly despise. i dont qualify for loans and make too much for financial aid.

and they always say the same thing. get rid of your pets (as if rehoming is even cheap or easy), get rid of internet, make sacrifises sacrifices and more sacrifices. get up at 4am to wait in food bank lines for old meat, leftover produce, and stale cake. constantly plead to strangers and justify your life. because thats just life! your not allowed to have nice things when youre poor, dont you know? if you do, then thats wasting money and we wont help you. you deserve what you get because happiness comes with money.

i just want out. and i guess jokes on them. if i rehome my pets, well, that would mean id finally be free to off myself. because im sorry to say, but theyre the only thing that holds me back. i hate this world. i wasnt built to survive here. i dont have any passions or drive or... anything.

i dont know why im here. just to suffer and be miserable until im too old and weak to work, to die alibe in a ditch.... i dont have anything worth anything.

and what makes me fucking laugh! is that the last time i went to my psych appointment i was like. i cant do this! im tired of being tired! and they pushed me to try their therapy again and that theyd get a case worker to call me and to think of all things i can change instead of what i cant... i agreed but was open with how i didn't have much faith in the system. how they failed me in the past and that makes me wary.

that was two weeks ago.

case worker never called me. therapist never called me. i cant change anything.

all because of stupid fucking bills and checks and jobs and money because no one deserves to live happy!

ill never escape. ill never have a live worth living. i dont have anyone to go to the movies or amusement parks with, no one who would drop by for coffee and a chat, no one to go to cons with. im just a little icon on a blue website. if i died tomorrow, if my queue ended... no one would mourn me not really. no one would cry. because im just broken and incapable of making genuine connections. id just be another quiet blog, a blip in the radar.

[glyphcxre]

A letter to a bitter person,

Not gonna lie--- you probably wont ever read this. If you end up actually finding it congratulations i guess you did it.

 I didn’t really plan on saying anything but considering the multiverse is falling apart and its the end of the world, i didn’t want to leave any feelings unsaid. 

To anyone in my life past or present. Y’know just in case.

  I just wanted to take the time to say i see the shit u talk. I see everything you say about me/ towards me.

       You seem to have this idea that I somehow never cared about you? Or secretly hated you or something when we were friends. I just want to say for the record: I mourned our friendship for months. I was genuinely hurt and confused when i lost what I thought was my best friend. 

 && maybe I shouldn’t say that because it will send you into an ego trip where you think you’re the hottest shit to walk the earth; 

  cus ‘ ohhh i got c.c. I hurt them! They care about me after all i win! ’. 

     I never said I didn’t but hold that thought homie, let me finish.

The person i was mourning wasn’t you. It was the person I built you up in my mind to be. The friend i wanted to believe you were.  && The fact is you weren’t a good friend to me the last year i knew you.

 A good friend doesn’t ghost spending time with you constantly. 

They don’t make jokes when you’re having a ptsd induced panic attack. 

A good friend doesn’t take every opportunity to talk shit and name call after the fact either. 

 Not to mention good friends dont try to steal their best friend’s girlfriend and destroy a relationship of 4 years.

Remember when you said you respected our friendship more than to take bee from me that you’d back off because you valued my happiness?

           No? Weird. Cus I sure as hell do.

----( You didn’t by the way. Me and Bee are happy together && doing just fine. Putting a wig on ur gf and having her cosplay crapplebee isnt going to change that or suddenly make me believe i lost my girlfriend lmao. )

              But hey. 

 Keep trying to convince me that I somehow lost the love of my life. Its funny. Embarrassing for you, but funny.

(Side note maybe u should treat your amity like a person instead of your side piece. Just a suggestion. Making her cosplay another girl youd prefer to date. Really bro? Cmon. )

(Blushy if ur reading this i hope u wake up soon.)

Anyways.

All of this to say.---- Losing you? wasn’t a loss at all.

 Not by the time it happened at least.

Maybe it would be have been when our friendship was younger and you had some respect for yourself and anyone else. 

The person that was my friend is gone though and all thats left is this bitter, selfish and small person who feels like she has to tear others down to prove something.  But maybe you’ve always been that small person and you just played us to try and get my girl.

 Who knows. I probably never will know the truth. 

--Cause even if you ever find this-you might read it but you wont take the time to comprehend it.  Or understand it. Youll take it as me being a ‘ bad or fake’  friend, and you’ll shout from the rooftops how you’re so superior.

Because at the end of the day, our friendship wasn’t what mattered. My words fell on deaf ears cause lets be real, what you cared about was what you could get out of it. You weren’t there to grow with me, you stifled me. 

& Frankly— I outgrew you.

&& I’m better without you. Im better for it. I met more luzes because of it. I have closer bonds with everyone now. I see Eda and King more. I see willow and Gus more.

I have a true friend group now.

  Lynx, Asra, Sunny, Hunter, Lucky, Bee. I wouldn’t trade them for the world. They picked me up at my darkest and showed me what friendship without stipulation and toxicity looked like. I have more people behind me now than I ever have 

I no longer feel like I have to work my life around your expectations. && my life feels like its finally moving forward even with all the turmoil in the multiverse i know the people behind me really got me. 

So in a way. I guess I should thank you. 

So, Thank you;

Thank you for showing me the kind of person you really are- because at the end of the day, It let me start living again.

Tener la vida que te mereces amiga

[maryhadalittlehobby]

IWTV S2 Liveblog E3 No Pain

We start out with Daniel in this restaurant and he says he is partial to the non wigging items as his fish is moving. Is this the Louis effect?! from the fox last season

He is trying to piece together things from his dreams. What stands out is "I wont save you this time". I cant really read the rest but its interesting that he is now realizing these are memories and they are significant.

This Raglin James guy. Who is he really? Book readers get the easter egg but is he really the body thief guy. Also Ive heard it say he is a detractor from the Talamasca. Are we meeting him post or pre-detracting if he is who he says he is?

The Talamasca watches and doesn't get involved so why would he be sharing with Daniel EVERYTHING? Especially when he knows Daniel is so susceptible to getting his mind read by the vamps. And he KNOWS but exactly how? Does he have some gifts? Does he have a in the vampire residence like some have guessed. So many questions

900 to 1600 vamps. Geez!

Sleeping Beauty Louis. Get some sleep, you desrve it king! Scoot over I'm tired too!

Peaceful beings real Rashid?! Biological imperative in conflict with human morality?? Sir its in conflict with human existence! but go off i guess

I knew there was some significance to the camera panning to the audio recording on the Daniels laptop but I didn't get it until a second viewing! We didn't see it while Armand was talking but we saw it after and there still should have been sound waves even after he finished speaking! But there weren't! omg Armand!

Blenders lol

The vampire we see in the beginning broke the first and fifth law that rules the Children of Darkness-possibly made a vampire without the coven leaders consent and detroyed another vampire...

Ok here we go Armands version of event. You know its gonna be good -truth or not!

OOhhhh Armand telling Lestat "Come to me?! Did he actually say this or is he parroting Louis's story here?

Hmm this kid is not who I imagined for Nikki but we will give him a chance

I love the mirror story telling here with Lestats rejection of the coven with Louis's rejection of the coven.

Armand showing Lestat his power! Yes humble him king!

The eye thing was hella freaky though not gonna lie

Armand saying Nikki is unharmed meanwhile my man looks ROUGH- Bitten, bruised and battered. This is Armands idea off not harming mind you. Didn't Armand tell Louis last episode I will not harm you??Louis should be afraid.

Lestat has never been more French lol- What are those sounds lol

I wonder is anyone not familiar with the books believes Armand. I can't wait to watch reaction. Lestat is a cartoon bully.

They ended themself * mournful innocent look* Sir you murdered those people!

Lord Lestat and Armand speaking French. Yes whatever yall are saying

Here? now ?! in front of Nikki and the whole theater?Armand playing coy and getting lost in his own self insert fic like soooo hilarious

Lestat is, was and will always be for Lestat... ok IS?!?iS!! Where is he? what does Louis KNow?! In the books up until the end of Louis and Armands relationship, he assumes Lestat is dead because thats what Armand tells him. This Louis seems to know he is alive so what does this mean?!

Never say i love you to a raging narcissist. Louis knows all to well but I do think we will get a Loustat love admission this season if not to actual Lestat then to Dreamstat

Oh Claudia- he kept you hostage. Fucking Bastard

Can we talk about the makeup? The too much eyeliner is so young girl trying to play grown. Trust me I know. Its a canon event. 18 y0 Mary had a little hobby

Some people were upset with the coven calling her puce and the "abuse" she was getting from them. Tell me you haven't been called a lovingly mean nickname without telling me. It was hazing. She has to start from the bottom. And lets face it its nothing in comparison to what they could have and will do.

The sneeze!Somebody had their panties in a bunch about vampires with allergies but come on. It was funny! It was supposed to be comical. Relax babe.

Claudia interning at the theater. Not unlike my internship experiences tbh. Less blood but still alot of sucking up.

I love Sam...both the character and actor

Vampire date night!

Louis said-I'm for the streets! I'm in da club! As he should. Get with it Armand or get Lost!'

"Oh there's room. I'm blushing!" Louis flirting is a thing to behold....but was that a double entendre (eyes)

Daniel flustered trying not to get caught looking at the Talamasca files. When in doubt bring up Claudia. Bam distraction! lol

Santiago if you don't leave Claudia alone! Fishing for details that she and Louis haven't got straight yet(angry face)

Also she tells Santiago she got lying from her maker at-sick burn to Lestat. Santiago's line after could be read that he doesn't think she is a great liar. Neither was Lestat girl!

Louis admitting to Armad he killed Lestat thus breaking one of the great laws. Girl. Armand already knew but GIRL. Atleast he didnt implicate Claudia but STILL ARMAND KNOWS(crying face)

I honestly thought the new version of the "Come to Me" song would come when Louis and Armand were trying to have sexy times. Who knows maybe it will be a reprise lol

The Loustat park scene tho! I am ashamed how much I replayed it...the good bits.

"I am still the only one you trust even now Kill me again" !1!!they are so insane

Louis is so mean to himself as Lestat. Thats not the only way you know how to love. What about Claudia? Your family? Even Lestat in the good years.

Claudia must feel Louis going through it and she must NOT CARE smh He is always kinda going through it so she is probably used it.

Claudia debut on stage. She looks so happy and Louis is a proud dad. This is so fucked up.

I wonder if Louis can hear Santiago talking to Armand. I have no doubt Santiago does not give to fucks about Louis hearing them but Armand does. Louis outright believes Armand is going to kill him so maybe yes. Or maybe he just has a bad feeling especially with how the conversation with Armand ended last time.

The five laws and Louis and Claudia have damn near broken every one 😭

This whole time watching s1 and now s2, I was like i will be fine with what eventually happens to Claudia. Cue to me CRYING at the mention from Armand that she wont make it and not even by his or the covens hand. But because of her own doing.

"And I play the little girl?" ugh this back half of this episode is all pain!

Not for nothing I was genuinely scared for Louis when Armand was threatening him in the sewer...as if Louis is not alive and well telling this story lol. I let the tale seduce me a little too much.

Not Louis and Armand bonding over Lestat breaking their hearts. And that yesterday line is absolutely yesterday. He got Lestat tied up awaiting the trail I know it.

Are you inviting me in? "I love that little fun nod to vampire lore but Louis is so wild for that. Armand was absolutely going to kill you minutes ago fam. And you told you self (through Lestat) that you don't trust him or any of these vamps.m WILD i say

So much happened again this episode! But still good pacing. I liked it better after viewing it again but it comes in 3rd from the episodes we've seen so far. Episode 2 is still my fav so far. So many new questions arose and its soo painful waiting week to week for these episodes!

[ramblingsonic]

I'll be honest, I'd found the relationship stuff alright so far. That said, it seemed almost out of nowhere for Julie-Su to be acting like her and Knuckles were a thing (unless the idea was that he was supposed to just know, which is stupid- fuckin' communicate), aside from that one kiss that clearly left Knuckles confused.

Vector being kinda a shit head and "wantin' to hit on babes" and the like "without ever gettin' weighed down by a ball and chain [Marriage]" fits well enough with the character they established for him at least, and frankly, I was fine seeing that plot play out- hopefully ending with the whole thing as a lesson to Vector to be less of a sexist dick or something, IDK- character growth, or maybe some karma.

Now, this comic is NOT new to relationship drama- that's why Geoffrey was first introduced, and I've been variably tolerant of it. But ultimately, the best relationship elements of the story, in my opinion, have been those built around genuine care between characters, and how they communicate their care and navigate their relationships with each other.

Like, Geoffrey and Sonic fighting over Sally fuckin' sucks (for SO many reasons, but let's ignore the accidental pedophilia issues in this case- still so many problems). Meanwhile, having Sonic get a bit insecure over Knuckles and Sally, ending in him asking Sally a question that leaves them both thinking "Ahh, haha, he/she cares :3" is great. The first is plagued by inconsistent writing (it seems like half the writers want Sally and Sonic to be very loosely a thing, while the other half want them committed to each other), Geoffrey never seemingly having respect for anyone EXCEPT the girl he wants to bone (coincidentally the princess), and there never being a proper scene of Geoffrey really respecting Sally beyond a surface level it feels like. Meanwhile, we have been learning the history (slowly) of Knuckles and Sally, and we see a clear respect they have for each other- meanwhile, Sonic and Sally bounce off each other constantly, having genuine issues and some fights between them, but also often resolving them one way or another; we have scenes where they just talk, where Sally confides in Sonic and he supports her; Sally mourns the death of Sonic AND Knuckles when they get nuked in Robotopolis, and Sonic is horrified to see a roboticized Sally- hell, the BEST scene that ever happened involving the Geoffrey/Sonic/Sally love triangle was when Sally was "dead" and Geoffrey and Sonic screamed at each other "You killed the woman I loved" "You only love yourself, I'm the one who loved her" because it was all built on genuine heart and emotion.

I don't know. I'm not a romance person- romcoms and love stories and (generally) romantic will they/wont they sitcom type shit just doesn't do it for me. I love The Night Circus (go read it, the love story is generic but the fantastical imagery IS SO GOOD!!!!!!!), and I can bear a romantic subplot just fine enough- The Seven Realms is a series with romance and some love triangle esq stuff at it's core, and I still love those books (the dance and proposal in book 4 is SO good- but I have personal reasons to love that).

Still, I'm not an active fan of this space of tropes. I just... want genuine affection and character insight and to see what happens when two characters are put together- some ships are fun in the same way a car crash can be, just watching as two characters interact like water and oil under the heat of romance, while other times these stories are great because of how they humanize the characters and help draw out deep down pieces of them.

All this ranting... the reason I started typing this is: I absolutely hate the trope their setting up in the included panel, I hate it so much, whyyyy?????????? I was having a decent time...

To my understanding, this isn't the end of relationship drama in the comic, it might get worse, and... oh boy. I know there's bad art we've yet to see, and quite likely some stories that'll be worse than what came before. To be honest, I've found most of the comic to be, at worst, low quality and/or convoluted; plenty of it has been enjoyable, with some fantastic art, some really cool and wild ideas, and some great character stuff and all around good execution- not all of it certainly, it started off as nothing Loony Toons bits and even later hasn't been consistently good at all, but more and more it's been getting better in my eyes.

But I worry that, what's to come, might be the bad stuff people attribute to Penders. It feels like everyone makes fun of or complains about Knuckles The Jesus and how convoluted everything is and Geoffrey St. Pedo, as well as the art, but I've yet to see that horrible Vector dancing image, or stick-thin-limb Sonic in need of a haircut, and I worry that the genuinely bad quality writing is yet to come...

[philanthropicfeline]

Too much, even for me...

A continuation, or rather an update on what it looks like in my head and my home. Originally I wanted to include images of Toronto to help convey my thoughts and to highlight the severity of where hate stands in this city, but I'd rather not.

This post is not meant to hurt anyone. I condemn "governments" and "organizations" that threaten humanity. I also recognize that I come from a country and position of privilege and freedoms that may make my opinions sound slightly dystopian. But i am always willing to admit any ignorance i hold and i'm always open to learning more. I understand there's always more to conflicts than what the media will portray.

My thoughts of today:

I attend a pentecostal church in a Jewish community. Since October 7th, there's been an increase in security. But let's be honest, the things happening today, go far back and beyond just October 7th.

Today is Sunday, November 12th. There's an even bigger police presence. On the way home from church, I sat beside a young woman on the bus. Across from me was an elderly man. As the bus made its route, a car with Israel's flag drove past us. The elderly man than starts yelling on the bus saying antisemitic things. Then I noticed the young woman crying beside me, silently. She then quietly asked the man to stop the hate. I asked her if she was okay and all she did was nod. The man kept yelling hateful things on the bus and to my astonishment the driver agreed with him. Maybe he agreed with the man to de-escalate the situation, but the woman got off the bus and that's when I noticed her blue ribbon in her hair that had Hebrew on it. I wish I did more for her, but what could I possibly do?

A few hours later, I make it home. I reside in the heart of Toronto, downtown. It looks much different compared to a few days ago. Graffiti is everywhere. Graffiti of hate and things that I never imagined would be carved on Toronto's body. Then I witness Islamophobia. People yelling Islamophobic things left and right. The pictures of dead and missing Palestinians, ripped or damaged. Young children exposed to racism and Islamophobia; yet there's still nothing i can do about it. It became so overwhelming I had to find a park to simply breathe. But even as I sit in the park, echoes from the rallies surround me. I hear the pained voices of people wanting justice and liberation and all I am capable of doing is sitting in a park, gathering my thoughts. I'll admit, I cried.

But where are my thoughts exactly? What good do my crocodile tears bring? Why am I flipping through various moments in history, searching for an answer? Why am I searching for an exact moment in time where peace was the chosen resolution? That has never existed. Exactly where do I find solace? if I even deserve solace at a time like this. Maybe it's time I accept that I'm starting to grow an irrational fear. Why is this situation affecting me more than the other conflicts of war? Maybe it's because the children we made Christmas presents for, were wiped out. I don't know, maybe it's because we're reverting to hurtful assimilation and stereotypes. Maybe it's because Toronto is giving the hateful extreme right winged parties a reason to laugh at our diversity. I know there are good things about humanity and even Toronto, but give me one moment to despise and despair. Just like mourning, I need a moment to be angry and frustrated. I can't just skip over those emotions.

"But this too shall pass" just like many other moments in history, but clearly humans have learned nothing but to give in to our destructive nature...

While governments and bodies of authority rarely, if ever, but most likely have never "chosen" peace or the people, i wont ignore the individuals that have.

My mind travels back to 1992, the LA riots. Reverend Benny Newton. He stood over a severely beaten truck driver who was driving in the wrong place, at the wrong time (which doesn't make sense if you really think about it). As Fidel Lopez lay almost lifeless, Reverend Benny Newton stood over him and yelled at the angry rioters "No more, this is enough. You're going to have to kill me too!" The Reverend chose peace and saved that man's life. He saved a life from warranted anguish. Rev. Newton was just as angry as the rioters but he chose the path of life and love. The rioters had every right to be angry, but violence and destruction will not bring anyone justice.

God forbid Toronto reaches a point that we are so blinded by hate, we begin to kill. Education of history and kindness are vital for the youth in Toronto. I'm not condoning senseless death and eradication of a people nor am I invalidating peoples pain. History has repeated itself over and over again, shouldn't our goals be for life and shouldn't we stand for humanity?

There's hope out there for a peaceful future. I just hope Toronto doesn't lose sight of that.