#WHEN EVERYTHING FALLS APART STILL TOGETHER STILL I LOOK TO THE SKY AND I FIND YOU

[choctalksalot]

god help me i was thinking about dirkjake and then i started thinking about the little prince and orhehbebgsbhhrghdhj

[lixxpix]

we can't be friends - l.mh

genre: idol!minho x reader, lovers to exes to lovers

tw: angst, hurt, breaking up, erasing of memories (almost) , mutual pining, did i mention angst, reader is kinda depressed, like two kisses ig

status: delivered !

word count: 4.0k

author's note: aaaa omd it's finally done >< reblogs + likes are appreciated!!

lee minho. your muse, your life, your heart.

he broke your heart one stormy sunday night and you hated him as you watched him leave with tears in both of your eyes.

granted, he did break your heart for your own good, to save you from the dangers of being with him. but you didn't care, not when he was your universe, your world. you would gladly take a bullet for him.

just as he would take a bullet for you.

minho knew leaving would break you, just as much as it would break him, but he needed to do it. life as an idol was already dangerous enough with all the death threats and saesangs, but the moment 'fans' caught even the slightest whiff of you they would hunt you down and hurt you, and minho simply couldn't let that happen. he knew you wouldn't care about all the danger as long as you were with him, but he did. minho would never forgive himself if something happened to you all because he had given in to his innermost wants and kept you by his side.

so he left.

november 8th, 2019, 8.46 pm.

"i want to break up." he said, one sunday night. the rain was pouring outside, flashes of thunder and lightning ringing through the sky occasionally. in the quiet and comfort of your shared apartment, with the dim glow of lamps illuminating your features, in that moment, for a split second, minho wanted to stay. he wanted to pretend everything was alright, to have you stay by his side and be happy together, but he knew he shouldn't. the two of you were eating dinner, sitting at the small round dining table in your kitchen tucking into your homemade kimchi stew. god, he would miss your kimchi stew, he thought miserably. 

"what?" your world felt like it had stopped, your hand frozen in place as you slowly tilted your head to look at your boyfriend sitting across from you.

"i... want to break up." he repeated robotically.

"minho, where is this coming from? did i do something wrong? please... just talk to me," you begged, panic starting to flood your mind as tears threatened to spill over. you couldn't believe what he had just said. the both of you had been perfectly fine before, the both of you were happy, why was he doing this? were you not good enough for him? did he fall in love with someone else? the thought alone made you weak.

"i just... it's for the best. i'm putting you in danger every day, fans will hurt you if they find out i'm with you. i can't let that happen."

"i don't care if they try to hurt me, minho. as long as i'm with you, it’s- " you reached for his hand, and could feel your heart finally sinking to the bottom as you saw his face, screwed into an expression of hurt and resignation as he shook his head.

"just... don't forget me in the future, okay?" before you could say anything, minho was already out of his seat, grabbing his coat and his phone, already reaching for the front door.

"wait! minho-" you jumped out of your seat in alarm and desperation, clinging to his arm as he looked back at you with a pained expression. 

"please- we can work this out, just don't leave me," you pleaded, tears already cascading down your face. you must've looked a pathetic mess in that moment, sniffling and sobbing, yet minho still thought you were the most beautiful person to ever exist as he memorised your face for one last time.

finally, minho turned around, cupping your face in his hands. your hands reached up to hold his, as he memorised your every detail for the last time. minho's lips found their way to your forehead, then the corner of your eyes, then your lips as he kissed you tenderly for the last time as you sobbed in his arms.  

"i'm sorry." he whispered, before pushing you back as you cried out and stumbled backwards, opening the door, walking out of the apartment and out of your life.

december 25th, 2019, 11.28 pm. 

your diary.

i still think of you, you know. i still see your face in the windows of that cafe shop we used to go to whenever i pass by. i know you're not in there, and i'm hallucinating. i can't go in there anymore, not without thinking of you. i can't even watch the television anymore without having to see your face. listened to your new comeback. that song was about me, wasn't it? 

it's christmas now. i adopted some presents for you. you would love them, the three cats. i named them soongie, doongie, and dori. quite fitting, they're playful like you. they'll never meet their father. i still wore your hoodie, the green one i always wore every christmas. you used to wear my red hoodie, but i guess you won't be here to wear it anymore. it still smells like you. 

i still wonder why you left. was such a pathetic excuse as me potentially being hurt the only reason why you would leave me? you knew i didn't care if i was hurt, so long as i was with you. you still left. i hate you for that, but deep down i could never hate you. i still love you.

january 7th, 2020, 2.35 pm.

you strolled down the busy streets of seoul, a long oversized fluffy coat resting on your shoulders and your nose pink from the cold. a sigh of relief escaped your lips when you finally stepped foot into the cozy ambience of a random cafe alongside the road, the warm air blowing gently at you helping to relieve the coldness settling into your bones. ordering a latte and a small cake which were promptly delivered to your table, you settled down to scroll through the news.

new technology developed, scientists say new machinery can effectively target and erase memories of specific people and objects. is now being offered at multiple mental health clinics nationwide at a low cost, guaranteed 90% success rate. for sign-ups and further information, please contact...

you raised your eyebrows at the news, marvelling slightly at how advanced technology seemed to be developing at this rate. thinking nothing of it, you simply continued scrolling.

january 7th, 2020, 12.02 pm.

you sighed as you flopped onto your bed, tired from a day of work and countless emails sent. feeling a warm, soft head poke it's way under your arm, you smiled softly, hand reaching out to scratch doongie's head as he meowed in content. smiling softly, you felt two large lumps jump onto your bed and settle on you, soongie choosing to settle on your feet and dori choosing to burrow his way under you arm as you giggled. 

"soongie, you're so heavy," you laughing light-heartedly as your oldest cat let out a 'meow' of indignation at your words. 

minho would love the cats so much...

your smile drooped, feeling that warm familiar sensation pricking at your eyes again. 

god, how stupid. it had been two months already and you were still hung up on him. everywhere you went, you saw his face, on advertisments at the bus stop, billboards in the shopping districts, to even advertisments on youtube, and every single time your old memories with minho would surface and you would miss him again.

memories...

oh. the news of the memory erasure experiment.

would it hurt to try? you tried imagining forgetting minho. for him to just be another face on the billboard, a random k-pop idol to you. to forget you had ever even loved him and forget that he ever loved you. the pain would be gone. your heart would no longer ache each day, you would no longer think of him and he would no longer cloud your mind.

picking up your phone, your finger hovered above the 'call' button.

"hello? this is the seoul medical psychiatry clinic speaking. how may i help you?"

"i..." you paused, gnawing at your bottom lip.

"i would like to make an appointment."

january 19th, 2020, 1.28 pm.

"welcome! do you have a booked appointment?" the receptionist greeted cheerfully as you stepped into the reception and seating area of the clinic, a large box full of items in your hands. the hallways were filled with posters and quotes, the beanbags and seats painted in warm and soothing colours. 

"yes, doctor kim at 1.35pm." you answered, watching as the receptionist typed a few words into her computer.

"ah yes, under the name yoon y/n, right?" she clicked her tongue, "for... memory erasure?" she glanced at you with a look full of sympathy, as if you were some lost wounded puppy. 

"yes." you confirmed, lips pursing together slightly as you stared down at the box.

"good, and you've got your box of items already. do double check to make sure they are linked to that specific person only, we wouldn't want any erasure of other memories woth different people."

you swallowed the lump in your throat.

"yeah, i have." 

"great, we'll be calling for you later, the doctor will run you through the procedure and then the operation will commence. take a seat first," she gestured to the seating area. not long after, you heard your name.

"yoon y/n?" 

you hurriedly stood up, making your way towards the nurse and following her into the operation room. the operation room was white and cold, lacking any warmth and colour, filled with odd looking machinery and lab coats and tools. you were sat down on a chair, and your box of items given to the nurse who began taking them out one by one while another nurse attached a few wires to your skin to a machine on the right which measured your heart rate, a steady thump-thump-thump. the first nurse began to place your items in a row, scanning each one under a machine.

beep.

minho's green hoodie.

beep.

the snow globe the both of you had bought together at a winter festival.

beep.

polariods of you and him.

beep.

a cat plushie you had gifted him in celebration of his lastest comeback before he had left.

beep.

matching mugs the two of you had bought.

minho. everything, everywhere, everyone reminded you of minho. it felt like you were drowning, consumed by him.

"alright, i'll be placing the device on your head. the device will take you through individual memories of the person, but you will have to re-experience certain bigger core memories again as those take a longer time to process. if at any point should you feel distressed or want to stop, please press the red button beside you, and should you want to restore your memories we will reload them back into your brain. however, if you choose not to restore the memories, we will automatically delete them after 30 days." the doctor explained, showing you a strange contraption with two pulse points connecting to either side of your temple.

beside you, the heart rate measured by the machine started beeping faster.

you nodded. 

the cold, tingly terminals of the device connected with either side of your temples, the unfamiliar feeling odd and alienating. 

then all turned black.

"min! look, they have matching mugs! we should get them," you pointed excitedly to two mugs at a stall in a summer fair you and minho had just happened to pass by. you watched as your old self pointed to the mugs happily, "the world's best boyfriend" and "the world's best girlfriend" written on each mug respectively. "that's so cheesy," minho said, a grin on his face as he pulled you close to him by your waist. well, the old minho in your memories. it felt like a punch in the gut yet the cure to your pain as you stared at his face again in your re-lived memory, his oh-so-familar grin plastered on his stupidly handsome face. "yeah, but it's cute!" you exclaimed, turning to face minho. "pleaseeee," you begged, lips downturned in a pout and your eyes shining hopefully as you tugged on his arm. "fine," minho groans, eventually giving in into your request, feigning annoyace by rolling his eyes yet still smiling at your delighted expression. 

god, you missed him so much.

the memory shifted, warping into another blurry picture.

this time, it was another memory that faded in, a memory of you and him sitting in the living room unwrapping your christmas presents. minho tore open his box eagerly, laughing as he held up a green hoodie from his favorite brand gifted to him by you, coupled with some other things like perfume and a brand new wallet. "oops... might've gifted you an accidental matching hoodie by accident," he smiled sheepishly, as you opened your present, some jewelry with . "a red hoodie! now we can match," you snickered, pulling the soft hoodie over your head and slipping it on. "hey, we look like the christmas colours!" you laughed, pouncing on him and tackling him down to make him wear his one as he whined in protest. eventually you did managed to get him to put it on and pose for some pictures, albeit him being disgruntled but still giving in to you anyways.

a tear trickled down your face, landing on your lap as your hands on the chair tightened, gripping the armrests so hard your knuckles started turning white.

the memory started to fade away.

"min! the new comeback was so good, i watched the music video just now," you exclaimed, bounding up to him the moment he opened the front door to your shared apartment. "thanks baby," he smiled, leaning in for a quick peck but suddenly finding a soft plushie being thrust into his hands. it was a plush of a brown and white striped cat, soft to the touch and extremely squishable. "what's this for?" he raised eyebrow, cocking his head in confusion as he stared at you. "it's to celebrate your comeback, I figured i'd give you something to cuddle when i'm not around you," you smiled, "i named the cat mr sprinkles." "who names a plush toy mr sprinkles?" minho laughs, watching as you huff at him about how the name was cute and he was being mean. "thank you though, i appreciate it," he kissed you softly, smiling at the small act of love.

no, stop-

you started to whimper and thrash around.

fade to black again.

"min, look," minho turned to you as you were admiring the ornaments at a booth, the both of you coming across a christmas market and deciding to explore it. "it's a snow globe of us," you pointed out to a small snow globe, with a man and women as figurines in the center of the snow globe and fake snow swirling in the water around them. "it does look like us, doesn't it?" he hummed, pressing a soft kiss into your hair as you subconsciously leaned into him. "we should get it," he suggested, smiling at how your eyes lit up and how you pressed a kiss to his cheek. the two of you purchased the item, and then bought some hot chocolate to sip on to relieve the cold setting into your bones. "jagi-ah," minho called, prompting you to look up at him before gasping in surprise. the first snow of the season. "you know, they say the person you witness the first snow with will be with you for a long, long time." minho grinned, leaning down to kiss you tenderly before intertwining your hands. 

you didn't want to forget him, you realized, as you gasped for air, heartbeat skyrocketing as you tried to open your mouth to scream. no, you would never want to forget minho. you would rather cling onto those memories and deal with the pain forever than never having remembered him.

the memory faded.

you gasped in surprise as you ripped open the box, holding up a brand-new, shiny polariod camera wrapped in a gift box, its paper shreds used to cushion the camera hapazardly strewn about the floor.  minho watched you with a small smile on his face, eyes sparkling as he happily obliged to any pose you wanted to do with him, groaning half-heartedly but still laughing at the silly faces you made.

the memory started to fade again.

"STOP!" your finger found the red button, desperately pressing it in an attempt to get the machine to start working. all of a sudden, you were jolted back into your consciousness in the middle of the white sterile room again, heaving and gasping for air as you tried to adjust back to the surroundings. 

"are you okay? do you need to stop the operation?" the nurse asked, a concerned look on her face. beside you, the machine was beeping, a erratic rhythm.

beep. beep. beep. beep.

your hand reached up to fiddle with your necklace, looking left and right. you swallowed, a lump in your throat.

"yes."

----------

you stumbled out the clinic, hands clutching onto the box of items tightly as your eyes adjusted to the bright light of the sun. 

hands shaking, you pulled out your phone.

'my love,' the contact at the top of the screen read. you hadn't called him in months, ever since he had broken up with you. you has tried for a few weeks, but day after day of missed calls was heartbreaking.

you pressed the button.

one ring.

two rings.

three rings.

four rings...

"hello?"

a voice you hadn't heard for months. a voice you had only been hearing in your dreams.

"minho-" a strangled sob left your lips.

"please." you could only force out a choked plea, tears falling rapidly, stumbling onto a nearby bench. people started at you as they walked by, a woman breaking down in a random street in seoul oddly disconcerting.

"where are you? i'll come get you." the moment you heard the concern laced in his voice, your eyes brimmed with more unshed tears, stifling a sob that threatened to escape. in the background, you could hear the sound of things being knocked over, presumably minho rushing to get to you.

you told him your location in between shaky breaths, occasional hiccups interrupting your sentence. 

"just wait for me, ok? don't move anywhere," minho firmly instructed, voice soft and calming.

a few minutes passed, and he was nowhere to be found.

he would hate you for this, you realized. you didn't deserve him. he tried so hard to keep you safe, and how did you repay him? by almost erasing all memories of him. the thought of it just broke your heart even more, for if he knew what you had tried to do he would never want to have anything to do with you again.

"y/n!" you heard a voice yell, whipping around only to see minho running to you at full speed.  you had never been more glad to see him, your knees instantly buckling as you collapsed into his arms, crying into the crook of his neck as you clutched onto him like a lifeline. 

you didn't think you would ever get used to this feeling, you thought. his touch, warmth, his gentle strokes of your hair and whispered sweet nothings were like music to your ears, his hand coming up to rest on your back and his other coming up to gently stroke your hair as he swayed you back and forth. he had clearly just ran from dance practice, you realized, slightly sweaty and panting ever so slightly. 

"what's wrong, jagi?" he murmured, soft brown eyes searching your own red and teary ones.

"i- i didn't want to remember you because it was too painful, and then i tried to erase my memories of you, but i realized i didn't want to and i really, really, really fucking miss you and it hurts-" your rambling was cut off by a hiccup, lips quivering as you stared back into his eyes.

here comes the part where he realizes your a disgusting bitch and hates you forever, you thought miserably.

"shh, it's ok," minho pulled you closer, engulfing you in his warmth as his hand rose up to cup your cheek.

what?

he was supposed to hate you, not do... this. you literally tried to erase all memories of him, he should be angry and offended, so why...?

nonetheless, you would take what you could get in what you assumed to be your last moments with him, so instead you leaned into his touch, memorising his every detail again. his soft brown eyes framed with delicate lashes, sharp nose and jawline, the pink rosy tint to his cheeks as the winter wind whipped around you.

"i'm sorry," you begged, "just don't hate me."

"i never did, silly." minho laughed softly, a wistful smile gracing his lips.

"but you left me." you said, confused.

"i left you because i loved you. it was just for your own safety, i didn't care about anything else," minho explained, brows furrowing slightly.

oh.

minho stumbled backwards as you crashed into him with a force, nearly knocking him over as you crashed your lips onto his, hands threading through his soft silky hair and teeth knocking against his. it was a heated, messy kiss, teeth clashing and tears streaming down your face, yet minho didn't seem to mind as he deepened the kiss with a fervour, all seeming to pour out of him, pain and regret, relief and want. it is only when you seperate with a gasping breath of air that you finally see his swollen, reddened lips.

“i’ll figure something out, i’ll talk to the company, make a statement or something- i won’t let anyone get to you, i promise,” he rambled, a giddy smile on his face. right now, minho could care less about the repercussions, even if he had to move mountains just to be by your side and keep you safe at the same time. 

you giggled, an infectious laugh bubbling out of you. the both of you, crying in the middle of a street, hands intertwined and both a mess, yet you had never been happier with the person you truly loved. 

“we'll be alright now.” you whispered. it wasn’t just a statement but a promise, one to keep forever.

december 25th, 2020, 1.43 pm.

“min! come look!” you squealed in delight, eyes lighting up when you were finally done. minho glanced over, and sure enough, you were up to mischief again, the three cats dressed in ugly christmas sweaters with cartoonish designs on them and matching hats on their heads. doongie let out a ‘meow’ of indignation, protesting as minho roared with laughter to scoop him and his fellow cats up. laughter bubbling out of your lips, you quickly grabbed your phone to take a picture of minho and the three cats, his face lighting up in amusement as he watched them try to squirm out of his grasp. 

“i love you, you know that?” minho says that night, the two of you cuddled up on the couch with the cats, watching your favourite seasonal christmas movies together and snacking on popcorn.

“i don’t say it enough, partly because i’m not good at expressing myself, but i love you. your smile and personality and everything. just thought you should know.” the tips of his ears are red as he mumbles, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly.

you smile, a red tint blossoming across your cheeks as you lean in to kiss him softly.

“i love you too min.” 

how did you ever get so lucky? you think, leaning in to rest your head on minho’s shoulder as you resumed watching the movie, one hand absentmindedly scratching dori’s head as he purrs in contentment. here, in the dim light of the cozy apartment with minho, love heavy in the air around you two and christmas lights twinkling merrily, you think you have everything you have ever wanted in life.

after all, it didn't really matter where you were, as long as minho was by your side.

taglist: @starseungs @missmajdastark @jazziwritesthings @layviyu @lailac13 @ana-marais98 @foxinthewild @dandelions-143 @rylea08 @linocz @minseongsworld @realrintaro @kkamismon12 @felinows @baribaaari

[totheblood]

GLORY & GORE

CHAPTER ONE: NOW WE'RE IN THE RING

PAIRING: fwb!ellie williams x reader

SUMMARY: a week after you reunite with your estranged best friend, astrid, for the first time in three years, you are heartbroken to discover her sudden and brutal murder. as you dive deep into the world of sagewood university, you uncover astrid's ties to a shadowy society lurking within the institution's walls. in the midst of all of this, you cross paths with ellie, who you met on the very day you saw astrid again. as ellie helps you figure out what happened to your best friend, you're forced to wonder if everything with ellie is truly as it appears, and if trust can genuinely be given to anyone.

WARNINGS: 18+ SLIGHT SMUT mentions of death, grief, related subjects; cursing, mentions of drinking/drugs, mentions of s*x

A/N: i've been working on this one for a while... i hope you enjoy! please send asks, reblog, and reply to this post <;3

WORD COUNT: 6.3k

You couldn’t shake the feeling that you were being watched as you stepped onto Sagewood University’s campus for the first time since Astrid’s death. 

You spent the days following Astrid’s death curled up on your couch, unmoving. Your gaze was fixed on the ceiling as you let time pass by slowly, counting the clicks of the clock on your wall each second.

Your mom would check on you every now and then, before she had to leave for work or when she came back home. She would leave a plate of food on the coffee table near you, urging you to eat something, but you had no appetite. It was safe to say that you weren't taking Astrid's death well.

Suddenly, your phone chimed, a ringtone reserved for one person. 

ellie: You okay?

You picked up your phone, reading the message despite the LED lights burning your eyes. It was obvious to anyone that you weren't okay, so you declined to answer. You put your phone back on the table and stared at the same place on the ceiling. It was starting to look like a face, but you were almost sure you were hallucinating. 

The morning they found Astrid’s dead body sprawled out on a table in the library had started like a normal day for you. The sky was still dark when you woke up to your alarm and dragged yourself out of bed. You pulled on the grey hoodie that had been your staple all semester, paired with a red pair of sweatpants you had worn so much they were nearly falling apart. As you walked towards campus, the streets were silent except for the occasional chirping of birds and the crunch of gravel beneath your sneakers. But when you reached the library all seemed eerily quiet; the wide glass windows had been frosted with police tape and blocked by large, black police cars. Fear started to sink into your stomach as groups huddled together, their hushed voices filled with whimpers and tears.

“Hey, uh,” you tapped one on the shoulder, “what happened?”

“They found some girl dead,” she replied in a low voice, “Can you believe it?” 

“Do they know who it is?” you asked. Deep in your heart you already knew it was her. 

From the very first day you met Astrid, you knew you had found your person. It was like finding the other piece to a two-piece puzzle. Simple, but rare. In elementary school, she was your personal hero, unafraid to get her hands dirty—or bloody, for that matter—when that kid shoved you during recess. 

Middle school was weird for everyone, but less so for you because you had Astrid. You two invented your own secret language, a series of squiggles and lines that looked like chicken scratch to anyone else. Those notes you passed weren't just ink on paper; they were secret jokes, each scribble another knot in the thread that connected you two.

High school rolled around, and the stakes got higher, the emotions deeper. You realized you liked girls, and the moment you told Astrid, the air between you changed—but not in the way you feared. It was as if she picked up the weight of the situation and took it on as her own, lightening your load just by being there, just by listening. She didn't offer grand gestures or theatrical declarations of support; she didn't need to. Instead, she guided you, step-by-step, through the maze of coming out, as if it was the most natural path you could walk together.

And maybe it was. Because when you look back on everything, every scraped knee and every coded note, every whispered secret and every shared challenge, it all led back to a simple, undeniable truth: life was messy and confusing and downright hard sometimes—but less so with Astrid by your side.

College was supposed to be a fresh chapter, a new horizon where you and Astrid could explore the world as adults. But instead, it turned into a ripping of a page you never saw coming. Within the first week, something broke. Conversations turned into awkward exchanges, laughter gave way to silence, and the natural ease you'd always felt around her failed to exist. You guys just stopped clicking and after a big argument, you stopped hanging out altogether. She became someone you used to know, a piece of your past.

Time went by, and you got used to life without Astrid. Then, out of the blue, you got a text from her last week. She said she wanted to meet up.

She asked to meet at the campus coffee shop, Brain Brew, on a Tuesday morning. It was practically empty in there when you arrived, something that it almost never was. You came early, thinking you would need to find a seat, but now looking at all the empty chairs was less of a concern. 

Behind the bar stood a girl, with short auburn hair and freckles littered across her face, on her phone. When you approached, she straightened up, looking surprised to see you. You read the name on her nametag: Ellie. 

“Uh,” she looked you up and down briefly, “what can I get for you?” 

“What's good?” you asked, eyes scanning the expansive menu ranging from lavender latte's to plain black coffee. 

“Anything I make is good,” she shrugged, eyes still waiting for a response. 

“Then, just an iced vanilla latte,” you ordered, tapping your fingers on the counter. She tapped your order into the tablet in front of her and then stopped for a minute, looking you over again. 

“You go to Sagewood?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“Yea,” your brows knit together, as you shifted uncomfortably in your place, “Why?”

“I just feel like I’ve seen you before,” she commented, the price of your latte lighting up on the screen in front of you, “6.74.”

Jesus fuck, you thought, this is why I don't come here. 

“It’s a big campus, you’ve probably just seen me around or something,” you tapped your card, looking back up at her, scanning her face to see if you remembered her from anywhere. Then it clicked, “Did you go to Weston Middle School?”

“Shit,” she breathed, shaking her head and laughing, “yea, for a year.”

“I remember you,” you laughed, a smile spread across your face, “you used to eat lunch alone every day and when I tried to sit next to you you told me to ‘Fuck off’.”

You saw her physically wince as she pulled your receipt out of the dispenser, “Fuck,” she shook her head again, closing her eyes painfully, “I’m sorry, that was not a good year for me.”

“I don't think 11 is a good year for anyone,” you joked back, taking your receipt from her, “It’s all good, don't worry about it.” 

She let out a little laugh, her cheeks growing a tinge darker as she scratched the back of her neck, “I’ll get that drink started for you,” she moved towards the espresso machine before stopping and turning back towards you, “Wait, can I get your name?” She paused for a moment, examining the expression on your face, “For the order.”

Smiling, you gave her your name, and stood at the end of the counter, waiting for your drink. Astrid was now five minutes late, and you just realized she may be standing you up. 

“Do you go to Sagewood?” you asked Ellie from across the espresso machine. She looked up at you over the machine, waiting for the espresso to brew. 

“Yeah,” she shrugged, “for psych.”

“Oh, you want to be a therapist?” you leaned your hands on the counter looking around the empty room. 

“Something like that,” she breathed out a laugh, eyes flicking up to you for a moment, “What are you doing?”

“Journalism,” you smiled, watching as she made your drink, “Do you think I could get your number?” It slipped out of your mouth before you could think. You watched as the smile from her face fell, the blood that was in her cheeks being replaced with pale skin.

“Oh, uh” she fumbled over her words almost dropping the cup of milk she was holding, “I don’t really date, it not my-”

“Oh, not like that,” you cut her off, trying to save yourself the embarrassment, “Just like as friends, I don’t really have that many around campus.” 

“Oh,” she breathed out a laugh, relief flooding her features, “Yeah, sure then. I’d love to be friends.”

When she handed you her drink she handed you her phone with the contacts app already open. You took your coffee and the phone, smiling slightly as you put your name and number in. 

“Here,” you giggled, “sorry if that was weird. I wasn’t like coming on to you or anything. I mean not that you aren’t attractive cause you are- But it’s also not like I’m not into girls, cause I am. Jesus fuck,” you whispered under your breath, “It’s just that I also... Don’t date,” you lied. 

You watched the permanent smirk on her face as you rambled off and she took her phone back and let out another breathy laugh. 

“Well, it’s not that you aren’t attractive either,” she rubbed the back of her neck, watching intently as you sipped your drink, “so if you wanted to like, I don’t know, hook up sometime, I would be down for that.” 

You practically choked on your latte when she said that, eyes wide as you tried to cover up your spluttering with a cough, “Um, yeah. That sounds cool, or whatever.” 

“Cool,” she pursed her lips, nodding before turning back to wipe the counter down, “I’ll text you.”

As if it was fate the bell rang behind you, signaling Astrid’s entrance. You turned to look at her and give her a once over. She looked a lot more frazzled since you last saw her, her blond hair was still as long and came past her shoulders, but it was frizzier as if she had just woken up. The circles under her eyes were more prominent, and when you smiled at her, she didn’t smile back. You didn’t want to approach her first, so you just waited until she came up to you and gave you a hint of a smile. 

“Should we sit?” She asked, her voice much raspier now as she looked around to the empty cafe, the tension in her body easing up.

“Sure,” you followed her lead as she led you to the back, away from any windows and farther away from the bar. You looked over to where Ellie was still working, wondering how loud you would need to shout for her to hear you. 

“What did you want to talk about?” you started, noticing her slightly anxious state as she took shallow breaths, “I mean, I missed you.”

“This isn’t about us,” her voice was cold when she spoke, the words hurting you more than you thought it would, “I just think you are the only person I can trust.”

“Okay,” you took a sip of your latte, nursing it in your hands, “do you need to tell me something?”

“No,” she took a deep breath, “Just that if something happens to me, it will have to be you to figure out who does it.” 

“Jesus,” you breathed out, leaning in to whisper back, “What the fuck have you gotten into, A?” 

She winced at the sound of her nickname, looking down at the table before looking around again at the still-empty cafe, “I should be fine,” she sighed, “but if I’m not, you will know what to do.”

“How the fuck would I know what to do?” you spoke a little louder, throwing your hands up dramatically as you leaned back, “I mean this is ridiculous, you completely blow me off freshman year and now you’re telling me I have to worry about someone who doesn’t even want to be my friend anymore?”

“You’re being melodramatic,” she blinked a few times, before sitting up straight, “I didn’t come here to fight you.” 

“No, you just came to make sure I’d be there whenever you got yourself into trouble,” your voice was harsh as you stood up from your seat abruptly, ready to leave. 

“Please, sit down,” she urged, looking up at you with her big round eyes.

“No, thanks,” you replied sarcastically, giving her a fake smile, “Go fuck yourself.”

Go fuck yourself. 

That was the last thing you ever told Astrid before she was murdered. 

The guilt followed you all the way back home that night in stunned silence. You were too shocked to even tell your professor you weren’t coming to class that day, missing a midterm. You knew you would make it up eventually, but now, all you could do was sit and stare and hope to wake up from whatever nightmare you were living. 

To make matters worse, as you sat on your bed, still dressed in your clothes from earlier a note was slipped under your door. A thick cream cardstock, with embossed trimmings covered in gold, and written delicately on the front in script, “Keep your mouth shut, or you’re next.”

At the time, you immediately threw it out, not thinking much of it. Your brain was stuffed with things you didn’t want to think about, flashes of your childhood coming back in brief intervals. The vision of the two of you at the carnival, faces stuffed with cotton candy, giggling as you boarded the Ferris Wheel for the first time on your own came back first. You remember going around with her three times until the sun went down and the houses began to look like stars in the sky. Lit up and far away.

Another memory flashed, her crying in your lap in the 8th grade. Jason Charnley rejected her when she asked him if they could go to the dance together. Innocently, you offered to go with her as you stroked her hair, the cries dying out as you cracked joke after joke. By the time she was supposed to go home, she had forgotten what she was even upset about. 

Then a memory of senior year when she showed up on your front step, a giant envelope addressed to her with a giant “Sagewood” on the front. She knew she was accepted from the moment she applied, but the confirmation was validation enough. What really surprised her was your admission, meaning you’d follow after her to college as you usually did.

Then a memory flashed from a week ago, an unknown number lit up your screen the night you met Astrid in the cafe. 

ellie: Hey, this is Ellie.

ellie: From Brain Brew.

you: wrong number

you: but what are you wearing, ellie?

ellie: Nvm.

you: stooooop come back

you: i was being annoying, i apologize

you: what are you doing rn?

ellie: Come find out. 

That’s how you found yourself pressed up against Ellie’s door, her knee wedged in between your legs, a small whimper falling from your lips that were wrapped up in Ellie’s. Ellie's lips were soft and full, her touch gentle, calloused hands gripping your clothed waist. You could feel her heart pounding in time with your own, her chest rising and falling with each breath.

Your hands, no longer under your own control, moved around her waist to pull her closer still, while her hands roamed over your back, exploring, caressing. Your breathing grew heavier as you felt her hands roam up your body

The kiss deepened as you explored each other’s mouths with your tongues. Her lips were insistent, demanding as if she couldn't get enough of you. You were overwhelmed by the taste of her, a mix of mint and coffee. She slipped her hands under your shirt, her hands traveling up your back, causing goosebumps to rise exclusively where she touched. Her hands found the clasp of your bra, undoing it, her mouth never leaving yours as you moaned into her mouth. Ellie’s hands, still under your shirt, moved to cup your tits in her hand, pushing you back against the door as she did so. 

She broke the kiss, her lips trailing down your jaw, leaving a trail of hot, open-mouthed and sloppy kisses on your skin. Her teeth nipped at the skin on your collarbone, sending shivers down your spine. Her hands began teasing your nipples with gentle squeezes and flicks. She was relishing in every sound you made, every way you squirmed underneath her touch. She could feel herself getting wet from the small sounds alone. Then you moaned out loud as Ellie's lips found their way to your neck, sucking and biting, marking you as hers, and she was gone completely.

Her hands moved lower, sliding down your sides, over the curve of your hips, until they reached the waistband of your pants. Before you knew it, her fingers slipped beneath the fabric, two fingers circling your clit as she worked you.

“Shit,” she whispered under her breath, “this is for me?” The sound of her fingers and your cunt made an obscene noise, her fingers now completely coated in you. Your hands fumbled with the buttons of Ellie's shirt, desperate to feel her skin against yours. You popped them off one by one, fingers faltering as she touched you, revealing her toned stomach, and you couldn't help but run your hands at the place right above her worn-out jeans, feeling the muscles twitch beneath your touch.

Ellie pulled back slightly, her eyes searching her face for any regret, any idea that you wanted to back out now. "You want this?" she whispered, her voice low and rough. You nodded, unable to form words as your body leaned into her.

----

That’s all you remembered that night, slipping out sometime before Ellie woke up. You assumed that since this was “strictly a hookup” she wouldn’t want to see you there in the morning. She did vaguely reference you sleeping over, but you didn’t want to overstay your welcome. 

So before the sun came up, you slipped from Ellie’s grip, slipping on the clothes you came in and doing the infamous walk of shame back to your dorm. This wasn’t a relationship, and the proactive version of yourself had to be reminded of that many times that week.

You began to think that if you maybe hadn’t gotten so wrapped up in Ellie the week after meeting with Astrid, you would have noticed something. Maybe even have been able to prevent her death. A part of you wanted to resent Ellie for that, but you knew at the end of the day you were trying to put the blame on anyone but yourself.

She reached out for help, but you denied her. 

The best friend you swore to protect, who swore to protect you was now dead, and you could have prevented it. Wallowing in it wasn’t helping much, but provided some emotion to feel other than numb. So back in your childhood home, your fingers lingered over Ellie’s contact, wondering if you should text her back. You didn’t have a plan to return back to school yet and you didn’t want to give her false hope.

Maybe she could fuck the grief out of you, or wrap her to-

you: as good as i can be

ellie: This sucks.

you: truer words have never been spoken

ellie: But hey, I need to talk to you. Do you know when you’ll be back on campus?

ellie: I’m not trying to like fuck you or anything cause that would be fucked up.

ellie: Ignore that last message. I’m just realizing now how weird that was. I'm sorry.

ellie: Anyways, I just need to talk to you about something, it’s serious. Don’t wanna text it to you.

you: i should be back soon, i don't know yet. 

ellie: Well, when you do come back, let me know.  

You stared at your phone, your fingers ghosting over Ellie’s message before deciding to reply with a thumbs up. Pathetic, but it was all you could muster as you finally sat up and ate the food your mom left for you. It was about time to return to your life, falling behind not being an option anymore.

You worked too hard to get into Sagewood in the first place to stop now, a year before you were set to graduate. Sagewood was on par with the Ivy League schools, bearing an acceptance rate of 9% and accepting students internationally. There were about a thousand on-campus clubs, sororities, and study groups. There were even rumored secret societies, but you were never one to believe in that sort of thing. People who graduated with a degree from Sagewood were set for life. There was no room to screw up three years of good grades okay grades. 

So that’s how you found yourself back on campus, tightly gripping the straps of your bag. As if snapped back into reality, the memories of that night flooded back. You just began to remember the note you threw away that threatened your life, as you made your way to your morning class, an unsettling feeling setting in your stomach. It almost felt as if you were being watched. 

As you sat in class, you shuffled in your seat as the kid a few rows in front of you turned to look at you. When he noticed you staring back he turned around quickly. The whole class you had your eyes trained on the back of his head, watching as he would occasionally look at you, notice you looking, and turn back around. You knew you were being paranoid when you first walked onto campus, but now you felt validated.

As the teacher dismissed the class, the kid who kept staring at you collected his things and attempted to leave the room quickly, but you wouldn’t let that happen. You rushed to meet him at the door and stood in front of him, a bitter look on your face. 

“You’ve got a staring problem,” you commented accusingly, hands folding across your chest.

“You’re just really,” he coughed, looking around as other people pushed past you to the exit, the professor included, “pretty. You’re pretty, that’s why I was staring.”

“I know I am,” you turned to shut the door behind the last person exiting the room, “but do you really think I’m that stupid? What gives?”

“I’m late for my clas-” he began to stumble out before you took another menacing step towards him. 

“You won’t make it there if you don’t tell me why the fuck you were staring at me,” you pointed a finger right in the center of his chest, making him gulp loudly. 

“It’s just,” he takes another step back, “you were friends with the dead girl.”

“The dead girl?” you spat back at him, your tone laced with venom, “Her name was Astrid, you dick.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” He breathed out, “I’m just a true crime junkie, I’m intrigued about her case.”

“Her case?” you questioned him, taking a step back to make him feel more comfortable. To make him open up to you. 

“Just that they have no leads yet,” he scoffed, “which is weird if you ask me. No suspects yet she’s killed in a very public place?”

“That happens all the time,” you retorted, hands still crossed protectively across your chest.

“It’s not as common as you think,” he shrugged, “they haven’t questioned you yet?”

Now that he brought it up, the whole situation was weird. If they were trying hard to find out what happened to her, why weren’t you called in for questioning? It wasn’t like you had done it, but you did have a motive, and you had just come into contact with her again, shortly before her murder. If there was any person to question, it would be you, but yet here you were, untouched.

“No, they haven’t,” you mumbled back, your mind moving a million miles per minute. 

“See,” he smirked, “weird.”

“Wipe that stupid ass smile off your face,” you spat back, “she’s still dead, and just because you ‘like true crime’ doesn’t give you a right to talk about her. It’s not like you’re going to solve her murder.”

“I just might,” he stated simply.

“Yeah, right,” you scoffed, turning towards the door to leave now.

“Did you know she was part of a secret society?” he questioned, making you still for a moment.

You turned back around to face him, eyes squinted again, arms crossed firmly over your chest, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

He let out a laugh, shaking his head, something sinister in the way he hung his head, “I do my research and I do it well.”

“You sound like a nutcase,” you spat again, trying to stop the anger from bubbling inside of you. It felt weird to talk about Astrid as if she was a mystery. In all the people in the world, you knew her the best. You knew each and every corner of her life, even when you weren’t speaking. But now, as you stood here, you weren’t sure you ever knew her at all. 

“They are called Oculus Noctis,” he shrugged again, standing up taller as if he had just won this fight, or whatever this was, “look them up, then come find me,” he walked closer to you now, making you want to cower away, but you didn’t. You planted your feet down, straightening your posture. Although he looked more confident now, you could tell he was still intimidated by you, “my name’s Corbin Nott. I run a podcast, look me up too.”

Smiling, he brushed past you leaving you standing alone in the room. You let out what felt like a deep breath you were holding for a while, your breath coming out shallow and shaky.  Your heart felt like it would beat out of your chest, and come out of your ears and nose as you bled out on the floor, but you just stayed unmoving taking deep breaths as you placed a hand over your chest to steady yourself. 

Your hands began to shake a little, trembling as you moved to sit down at one of the desks, a failed attempt at calming yourself. The breaths came quicker as it started to feel like you couldn’t breathe, like your heart was pumping blood into your lungs and you were drowning. Your vision blurred as you stared at the desk, which was now full of wet droplets. Were you crying? You lifted a shaky hand to wipe at your cheeks, and as you expected you felt your damp skin covered in tears. 

You were trying hard to collect yourself now, knowing that students from the next class would probably start flooding in and you wouldn’t be able to move. You would just sit at a front desk crying as whatever poor professor tried to teach. C’mon get it together, get it fucking together, you thought. What was it they said to do? 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, and the other three got lost on you. 

You looked around, and through teary eyes you could see a clock on the wall, ticking slower than usual. You could see the whiteboard in front of you, smugged with black dry-erase markers, and you could see the dark hardwood floors, clean and polished. You watched your hands and your tears on the desk and suddenly your breathing started to feel normal.

Thank god you did because by the time you were wiping your last tear from your eyes, the door to the classroom was swinging open and a student was walking in. You kept your head down, so they wouldn’t see your teary eyes and red nose, but that also stopped you from seeing them. So when the person called your name out, you had to look up, only to see…

“Ellie,” you mumbled, watching the smile on her face drop as her eyes scanned your face. Gripping her backpack straps she walked closer to you slowly, crouching down in front of the desk you were sitting at. Her green eyes darted from your eyes to your nose, to your lips, and to the desk, clearly wet.

“Hey,” she whispered, “are you okay?” She reluctantly reached a hand out to wipe at your face, unsure if you were okay with being touched or if you even liked to be comforted. She wiped a tear away from your cheek, her calloused thumb rubbing your cheek gently, “What happened?”

“I-I’m fine,” you stuttered out, closing your eyes at the skin-to-skin contact, “Still upset I guess,” you let out a shaky laugh, hoping to see a small smile on Ellie’s face as you opened your eye, but she just looked worried. Her brow wrinkled a bit, and it looked as if she was still searching for something in your eyes, but was coming up empty. She cleared her throat before looking away, retracting her hand from her face. 

“You’re not fine.” She grumbled back, standing up now, causing you to look up at her, “You shouldn’t be back here so soon.”

“What?” you joked, “Not excited to see me?”

She rolled her eyes playfully, a small blush tinted on her face as she nudged your shoulder lightly, “Not excited at all,” she commented sarcastically, making you crack a bigger smile, “c’mon let’s get out of here,” she motioned her head to the door, making you stand up shakily and stand in front of her. 

“Don’t you have class?” you asked, your own expression laced with worry. You watched as her face softened slightly at this, pursing her lips and looking you up and down. 

“I can skip it,” she shrugged, “plus, I wanted to talk to you.” 

You let out a small laugh, “God, you sound obsessed with me.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she dismissed you, walking towards the door, pulling it open, and holding it for you, “C’mon, let’s go.”

Giving her a small smile you walked out with her, your hands placed firmly in your pockets. You stepped out onto the main grass of Sagewood, where people were sitting, laughing, as their lives moved on. The smell of the grass was strong, as you walked down the cobbled path, Ellie looking at you quickly before taking a deep breath. 

“So, I went by your room the day after your friend-” she started, 

“Astrid,” you practically whispered back.

‘Astrid,” she paused, “After she died,” she cleared her throat, “I’m so sorry by the way.”

“It’s fine, you don’t have to say that.”

“Sorry,” she cleared her throat, “Anyways, I went there the day after and you weren’t there, but there was this book on your desk.”

“What?” you stopped in your tracks looking at her, “There was no book on my desk when I got back.” 

“I know,” she sighed, looking around, “I took it,” she watched as your eyes widened and you took a step back.

“Why the fuck would you take something off my desk?” you questioned, anger written all over your face. Ellie shifted uncomfortably, chewing on her bottom lip as you questioned her.

“Because it was Astrid’s, and I thought,” her voice died out, and your wide eyes just pressed her on, your arms once again folding over your chest.  

“You thought what?” 

“I thought that it was evidence,” she breathed out, “I thought that if they found that in your room it would be pinned on you.”

“You think I killed her?” your voice was loud now, making people around you stop and stare. Ellie looked around uncomfortably, closing her eyes as she took another deep breath. 

“Of course not!” she whisper yelled back, “You were at mine the night she was murdered, but if they found that in your room, it would have been on you.”

“So, you stole it,’ you deadpanned, eyebrows raised and accusing, “Why do you even care if I go down for it? You barely know me.”

“Because believe it or not, you are one of my only friends,” she looked away, her arms crossing over her chest as if to protect herself, “Like ever. So forgive me if I didn’t want you to be framed for murder.”

Your expression softened, arms falling to your sides as you looked up at her and then back at the ground, “I appreciate that.” 

“You can have it back, obviously,” she mumbled, eyes trained on her own shoes as her arms uncrossed and her fingers began to play with each other, “I just… didn’t want you to get in trouble. It’s all gibberish anyways, just a bunch of words that don't make sense.”

That made your heart stop, as you blinked up at her. “What did you just say?” She looked up at you, shrugging as she rolled her eyes.

“The journal, it’s like just a bunch of random words, I tried to find out what language it was but I came up short,” she was still playing with her fingers, obviously nervous as she picked at her nails, “But, I understand if you don’t want to talk to me anymore. It was a weird thing to do.”

“I still want to be your friend, Ellie,” you sighed, “I just need to see this journal, like now,” you watched as a small smile flashed across her face and he shoulders seemed to lose all their tension.

“Yeah, we could head over to my dorm right now,” she began walking, turning her head back to make sure you were following her, “I’m sorry agai-”

“Ellie, if you apologize again I’ll jump you,” you teased, smiling up at her as you walked side by side.

“Doesn’t sound like much of a threat,” she teased back, voice low as she let out a small laugh.

-

As you walked into Ellie’s dorm, you instantly became nervous again, your guilt creeping up the back of your neck. The night Astrid was killed, you were in bed with Ellie, laughing as she traced circles into your inner thigh. She talked about how much she hated her professors, working and Brain Brew, and how weird everyone on campus was. Well, everyone except for you. 

That night you stayed up and watched 30 Rock on Hulu until Ellie fell asleep, Ellie’s laughter gradually fading into soft snores. Her head found a resting spot on your shoulder, her rhythmic breaths warming your neck. You slipped out quietly, walking back to your dorm with a shit-eating grin on your face, and fell asleep unassuming. 

Your fingers traced the outline of Ellie’s desk, as you eyed Astrid’s journal that was sat in the center of it. It was covered in green felt, her name embossed on the front of it in gold letters. You pulled out the chair in front of the desk, sitting at it to begin reading the book. You paused for a moment, wondering if you even wanted to open it. Flipping open the front page, there was the language you created in middle school on every page. Pages and pages, the book was filled. When Astrid said it would be up to you to solve her murder, she meant it literally. 

On the front page was printed “Fepi Quslo Vurte Dabru” which translates to “My Oculus Noctis Journey.”

“Fuck,” you cursed under your breath, finger brushing over the letters on the page, feeling the imprint the pen made on the paper. 

“What?” Ellie stepped forward, looking over your shoulder at the book, “You know what this says?”

You sighed deeply, eyes trained on the words, “Yeah,” you turned to look up at her, “I do.”

“How?” her tone was more curious than shocked, sitting on her bed as she watched you. 

“It’s a language we created in middle school,” you closed the book, stuffing it in your bag as you turned to stare at Ellie. You watched as she looked at you in amazement, eyes wide and mouth hung open. 

“You created a fucking language?” she asked, laughing a little, “Jesus, you Sagewood students are crazy.”

“Ellie, you also go here,” you laughed, leaning your elbow on the desk, “Plus, Astrid mostly created it. She was smart like that.”

Ellie looked at you again, a small smile playing on her face, “You’re smart too, you know.”

“Not as smart as she was,” your smile turned to a sad one as you looked at your knees, not wanting to cry again.

“Hey,” Ellie said, voice low as she tried to get your attention. When you looked up, she smiled at you, eyes soft, “You're really fucking smart, just remember that.”

You gave her a forced smile, looking back down at your feet, “Thank you,” your voice came out cracked, “I needed that.”

“What did the first page say?” 

“My Oculus Noctis Journey,” you replied, shrugging. 

“Oh shit,” she laughed, “she was involved with those freaks?”

You sat up straight at this, scanning her face, “You know about them?” 

“Sadly,” she replied nonchalantly, “I don't know much about them except that they exist. They tried to recruit me, but I don't think they know that I know that it was them.”

“What? What do you mean?” you asked eagerly, words coming out quickly. 

“They recruit people on campus but they make it seem like they are just regular clubs,” she recounted, “Like they had a ‘coding club’ and at the club fair they had this code that they asked people to encrypt, it was extremely hard too. I did it and they sent me this weird email, asking me to do more shit. I just kind of didn't respond but traced the email to their own web service.”

“I thought that the secret society stuff was just like rumors.”

“Nope,” she popped her lips on the ‘p’, “Real shit. I just don't know what they exist for or anything.”

“I think I may have to figure that out.”

[clusterbuck]

and i might have had it wrong

7x09 coda

“Mom?” Christopher asks, and Eddie’s entire world falls apart. 

It was never supposed to come to this. Which, in hindsight, feels about as likely as letting go of a balloon against the bright blue sky and hoping it wouldn’t come to losing the balloon, but he was too deep in it from the moment he first saw Kim to keep any kind of handle on how events unfolded.

“Oh, honey,” Kim says, and Eddie’s heartbeat stutters at the term of endearment, so familiar in Kim’s not-quite-Shannon voice. He swipes at the tears still running down his face. “I’m not—“

“Not a dead woman?” Marisol interrupts. “We can see that. So who are you, exactly?” There’s a certain steel to her tone, like she’s put more of the situation together than Kim has. 

Then Eddie watches Kim’s face as she realises, too. 

“I’m—” Kim starts.

“—Kim,” Eddie fills in before she can get any further, because there really isn’t a good answer she could give.

“Kim,” Marisol repeats. Eddie squirms under a glare she must have learned at nun school. “I’m Marisol. Eddie’s girlfriend.” 

“Yeah, I kind of got that,” Kim mutters.

“Why do you look like my mom?” Christopher asks, and all three adults in the room turn to look at him.

“I think the bigger question is why are you in Eddie’s house looking like—” Marisol waves her hand in the kind of gesture that’s meant to encompass everything about Kim.

Eddie ignores her and crosses the few steps between him and Christopher. His first instinct is to crouch in front of him, but Christopher is too tall for that now. 

“We’ll talk about this later, I promise,” he says. even as he has no idea what he could ever say to explain any of this. He doesn’t know how to even start to put back together the thing he’d seen shatter when Christopher stepped inside. “Can you give us a minute?” 

Christopher sets his jaw, like he’s going to complain about being treated like a kid, but he looks between Marisol and Kim and finally nods. He goes into his room and closes the door, and Eddie wishes he could escape, too, close the door and put his headphones on and wait for someone else to resolve the issue. 

But there is no someone else. There is only him, and the two women whose happiness he sacrificed at the altar of a third.

“So,” Kim says. “Seems like there’s something else you should have told me when you were coming clean the other night.” 

“You told her?” Marisol asks. “She knew about Shannon?” She squints. “Is this a sex thing?”

“I—no,” Eddie says, blinking. “It’s nothing like that. It’s not what it—”

“Not what it looks like?” Marisol asks, and huffs a humourless laugh. “So you didn’t cheat on me?”

“You should have told me I was the other woman, Eddie,” Kim says. “It would have given a whole lot more perspective to this whole… whatever.” She looks between him and Marisol. “Look, I hope it helped you, I really do. But I’m out. This is not about me.”

The door closes behind her, and Eddie looks at Marisol. “I didn’t—“ he says, unable to bring himself to say the words I didn’t cheat because he doesn’t quite believe them himself. “I never even kissed her.” 

Marisol’s jaw works, and it looks like she takes a deep breath before answering. “I don’t think that matters,” she says. “That isn’t the point.”

“I know,” Eddie says, soft. “And I’m sor—”

His phone rings. He pulls it out and sends it to voicemail, but Buck’s name flashes on the screen again and again.

“I’ve got to—” he says, weakly, and Marisol raises her eyebrows but doesn’t say anything.

“Buck, it’s not a good—” he starts, voice tight, but Buck isn’t listening. 

“It’s Bobby,” Buck says, and just like that, everything else goes quiet. 

“What do you mean, it’s Bobby?” Eddie asks.

“There was a fire. It’s—he’s alive, but it’s bad. Eddie, it’s really bad.” 

“I’m on my way,” Eddie says. Marisol makes an incredulous face, but Eddie ignores her, looking around the living room to find his wallet and keys. “I’ll meet you guys at the hospital.”

“You’re really leaving?” Marisol asks when he hangs up the phone. “Right now? We’re kind of in the middle of something.”

“It’s Bobby,” Eddie says, as if that explains everything. 

Because it does. And part of him, somewhere in the back of his mind, says that if Marisol really understood him, she’d understand that, too.

“Is ten minutes going to make that much of a difference?” she asks instead.

“Ten minutes? That’s all it was going to take?” Eddie asks, then knocks on Christopher’s door. “Chris, come on, I’m taking you to Pepa’s. I’ll explain later. Let’s go.” 

Marisol crosses her arms. “You know what? This will take ten seconds. If you leave now, I won’t be here when you come back.”

And for a split second, Eddie wants to say something. Wants to plead for a second chance, wants to fight for whatever this thing between them is. What it could be. But Marisol looks at him, then, and her expression crystallises somewhere beneath his sternum. 

“Okay.” 

[actual-changeling]

I do wonder if Crowley's optimism is actually optimism. If it weren't 4 a.m., I'd do a philosophical deep dive, but since it is, I'll just try to string some thoughts together.

At the core of Crowley's questioning stands, "What is the point of it all?"—it's what he wonders as Starmaker and what he defeatedly asks Shax at the beginning of season 2. It strikes me as a very specific flavour of trauma-related existential dread reinforced by his fall and the concept of the ineffable plan.

The thing is that Crowley already knows the answer to that question; it's just not a satisfying one. Because what is the point of it all? of us? of our lives? of all the suffering and the good and the bad and, well, everything?

There is no point. It's a fact you need to come to terms with rather quickly if you grow up traumatized, otherwise, you will break. There was no point in Crowley falling, just as there's no point in anything he or Aziraphale did over the last few millennia—they just are.

It's why any meta questions focusing on God won't get anywhere, there is no answer God would ever offer us or them; there is no answer that matters, period. Maybe God has one, maybe they don't, but it has zero effect on the story or what happens to them. It's terrifying, in a way, to think about it like this, because if there's no point to any aspect of our lives, why bother? Why bother when there are so many horrible things that could happen?

And THAT is where we come all the way back around to Crowley's optimism. He has long accepted the lack of answers (though I can tell you from personal experience that you never really stop asking anyway), but he needs to find a way to live with the world as it is.

'Everything's going to be fine sooner or later' isn't optimism; it's what you need to tell yourself to not jump in front of the next train.

Crowley's optimism is dreams. Dreams of him and Aziraphale being happy and together, dreams of their cottage in the south downs, dreams of heaven and hell never touching them again.

Dreams of life turning out to be better than what he is currently living.

From the outside, it can certainly look like optimism, but I see him, I am him, and I can guarantee you that it's not. It's a tiny pinprick of light in an otherwise dark sky that may or may not be actually there, but if you stop telling yourself that it exists, there's nothing left but darkness. You're afraid of the dark and its teeth because you have been bitten by them before.

So you keep repeating it over and over and over, and maybe one day it will no longer be a lie or you will be the light, but for now this is what you got.

It is also the reason why Crowley is going to be a wreck in season 3. Finally, he thought, we can be together and happy, and in love without being afraid. He reached for the pinprick of light, thinking it to be a star, and got ripped apart by sharpened teeth instead. Crowley needs that lie, and he just got completely disillusioned.

What's the point when, after everything, Aziraphale still leaves him?

No matter how much they love each other, Crowley needs to find an answer to that question within himself, not in Aziraphale or anyone else.

[stealingyourbones]

Danny Phantom meets Superman. More accurately I should say that Danny Fenton meets Clark Kent.

Let me make this clear cause people seem to forget this: superman is smart. Clark kent is a very intelligent guy. Hes an INVESTIGATIVE journalist. He works with Lois Lane whos a multiple Pultizer prize winner and you know damn well that Lois wouldn’t work with anyone that cant keep up with her in both wits and smarts. He’s good at his job and in some comics he gets Pulitzer Prizes from some of his articles as well. Dude is dumb but he’s smart if you get what I’m saying. High Int. Low Wis.

With that in mind, During an assignment by Perry White, Lois and Clark meet the Fentons in their Amnesty residence to get some quotes on an article that discusses “Everything we thought didn’t exist is now real. Superheroes, Aliens, even Vampires, so why do we not Believe in Ghosts?”

Clark Kent spots Danny and notices instantly that MANY things are wrong with this child. His shoulders are hunched in a way that is intentional and tensed. Like he doesn’t know if he should fight or flee. His eyes are darting around and constantly taking in their surroundings like he’s waiting for something to barge in. His heart is beating far slower than it should. The kid intentionally makes his chest rise and fall but he’s not breathing in any oxygen. All of those are concerning but they can happen in metas. The thing that isn’t normal is that Clark can’t hear any of Danny’s other organs working. Like the kid is a revitalized corpse and his body only thought to bring back half of its needed functions.

So Clark does some digging. He doesn’t want to tell any of the Justice League because this isn’t a Superman job, this is a job for Clark Kent. He gets some help from Oracle and with her word that she won’t say anything to batman, He agrees to update her regularly about the kids situation.

Oracle sends over some VERY concerning documents from an organization called “The Ghost Investigation Ward”. Oracle tells Clark that she’s working on tipping off the Bats and Birds so they can help dismantle the organization.

While sifting through the documents Clark comes across a profile of a “Danny Phantom”. As I said, Clark isn’t stupid. There is definitely a profile of Danny Fenton as well since he’s the son of two world renown ghost hunters. He puts the two and two together and uncovers just the horrible treatment that Phantom has been receiving from his parents, the government, and his peers. Clark is outraged and can’t just stand aside and let this kid suffer. So he makes another trip to the Fenton residence under the guise of needing another quote and sits Danny and Jazz down and tells him that he knows of the terrible lab safety, the immoral experiments his parents do on the regular, the neglect of the kids in pursuit of scientific discovery. He knows and he wants to help. Clark tells Danny and Jazz that there is an apartment available right nextdoor from his and that he can help them get to a safer location and apply for emancipation.

The Fenton kids are shocked at this guy and his immensely kind heart. Danny knows something is up though. Something is up with Clark Kent. He looks like all his life would be spent in the gym when he isn’t at work and yet Danny can’t find a thing on Clarks interest in working out. His baggy clothes somewhat cover up his muscles but his frame is far too wide to be hidden. Clarks heartbeat is slightly faster than the average persons. No human eyes could be that startlingly sky blue. And Danny knows that he has seen Clarks face somewhere but he cant put a pin on it.

The Fenton kids agree and they get brought to metropolis and the emancipation case is no problem with the evidence Clark managed to collect. The kids get the apartment next to Clarks and Clark helps them grow and get better mentally and situationally. Clark knows that in a way he’s trying to make up for his neglect on Connor but he still knows that helping these kids is the right decision.

After a month or so, Clark and the Fenton kids have a rhythm of meeting at each others apartments, getting doted over to make sure that the fentons are well fed and have everything they need and are getting settled into their new life.

Clark hasn’t told the league. Oracle keeps her promise to keep the Fentons out of Batman and the Justice League’s radar. Clark knows that he will have to tell them soon eventually. He knows that things like this wont last. He tries his best to keep these kids happy and support them how an actual caring parent should act.

A few months into the Fentons stay in Metropolis on a cool autumn afternoon, Danny is sitting on a beanbag chair reading a ratty old book that Clark lent him as Clark is typing away on his computer writing up an article for the Daily Planet when Danny looks over to Clark and says,

“I’m Phantom.”

Clark pauses typing and shoots a small smile towards danny, “I know.”

Danny nods in relieved acceptance as Clark straightens up from his hunced over position on his computer.

He pulls back his shirt collar slightly to show the blue suit and red cape. “I’m Superman.”

Danny looks at him and smiles, “I know.”

They both just sit and continue reading and writing with soft smiles on their faces. Comforted at the exchange and that it’s finally out there and eachother knew.

After a while Danny’s obsession gets to be too much. He tells Clark about it and that he has to find a way to sate his obsession of protecting and Clark accepts that it was only a matter of time and invites him to meet the League.

When Superman brings Danny to the Watchtower, saying that the rest of his fellow superheroes were shocked would be an understatement. The Man of Steel and this ghost kid are talking like a father and son.

To say that Batman was pissed that he wasn’t informed of this child is also an understatement. But there is also some amusement and respect under that frustration. Superman managed to keep this kid under wraps and didn’t even alert Batman. Superman smirking and saying under his breath to him “Looks like the World's Greatest Detective isn’t so great huh?” Makes Batman respect the man even more.

In the Watchtower, Danny meets up with Teen Titans/The Team/Whatever They’re Called Now, and meets Conner. Conner is understandably pissed and spiteful that Danny got to have Superman as a father figure.

Conner knows that Superman treating Danny this way is definitely a way of him trying to make up for the faults and breaks he had with his parental relationship with Conner. he agrees with himself that he shouldn’t hate Danny for having Superman as a Dad and the two get along like tinder and matches. Connor still has a grudge against Superman don’t get me wrong, just not as much as before.

Sometimes while the League is in battle, Superman likes to just look for Danny and watch him hold his own against world ending threats. Danny is now truly confident and it’s no longer a facade. He’s no longer hunching into himself to look smaller. He laughs more often now and seems to be genuinely happy. Superman fondly looks at his son as his kids eyes flicker with green fire as he says a shitty ice pun and freezes Metallo in his tracks with ghostly ice.

[shoyoist]

𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐔𝐍 & 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 : hinata shoyo.

hinata shoyo is dazzling. no matter where he goes, no matter who he's with — he always shines the brightest. he's so warm, so radiant — a star, a sun. pulling everyone around him into orbit. and you love it. adore it.

but it's also because he's so full of that fiery heat and light, that you sometimes find yourself doubting what you have with him. it's nothing he did — he's perfect, and always has been, to you — but rather, it was your own insecurities that formed out of realizing just how different you were from him.

he's outgoing no matter who he's talking to, easily blending in while still somehow standing out, and people love him — you know more than a few others that seem to adore him the same way you do.

and you, being someone of the peaceful, subdued twilight between day and night — have no idea how you ended up with someone like him.

and even more so, you have no idea how he fell for someone like you.

because he — he sparkled, and he shone, and he was everything anyone could ever want, he could have won the heart of anyone he ever wanted. he could simply ask for a heart and he’d have it handed to him on a silver platter.

and you? you don’t shine or glow. in fact, you’re a little dim, if we’re going to talk about metaphors of light. and despite how incredibly happy you are together, it sometimes gets to you.

"hey," shoyo calls you, snapping you out of your thoughts.

you look up at him, still surfacing from all your musings, tracing your gaze over his muscled form, his hair and eyes that stand out so bright, tangerine and honey against his sun-bronzed skin. he tugs at the hem of his plain white tee, patting the pockets of his navy shorts to check for his phone and wallet.

it's barely an hour since the sun rose, and you think hinata is so much brighter than the light coming through the doors and windows.

he's about to leave for another practise match, and you're seated in your shared living room, morning coffee unfinished on the table in front of you.

he’s beautiful, you think. bathed in the morning sun, there he stands at your front door. japan's pride and joy, ninja shoyo. him, falling in love with you?

he'd told you that his people back home had cried bitterly over their loss when he left, deciding to return to brazil and play for a brazillian team rather than stay with his people in japan.

he'd told you with a mischievious glint in his eyes and a rogueish smile spread across his face, and the slightest hint of a blush tinting his cheeks. "but hey, they’ll get over it! and … i came back partly so i can be with you, you know. together, like this."

and that had melted your heart. just those words had brought you home the stars and the entire sky — but you also sometimes wonder. if he stayed there, would he be happier? would he be happier if he had chosen those other things over you?

if he were with someone else?

after all, you weren't anyone special, and he wouldn't be getting anything particularly worthy from you — apart from all your love and adoration, but whether that was worthy or not wasn't for you to decide. was it?

"hey, hey?" shoyo repeats, and you blink, standing up. you walk over to him, plucking a strand of curly orange hair off his shoulder and patting the creases away from his chest. "sorry, i was just thinking."

"hm," he tilts his head to a side, picking up his sports bag and pulling it over his shoulder as he does. you know he's not convinced.

the clock ticks past 7:30 AM, and you're glad you don't have any places to be today. you're tired, and you wouldn't be able to see shoyo off like this if you were rushing around getting ready to go out.

shoyo watches you for a few seconds, brows furrowed together ever so slightly. "you okay, baby? looking a little tired. wanna come to the beach with me?"

you smile, noticing how his portuguese was still on the simpler side — and shrug your shoulders as an answer. "that'll just distract you." you tell him in japanese.

lies. nothing can distract shoyo when he's in a game.

all that'll happen is that you'll get to see him in action, eyes somehow glowing brighter than before, sun turning his skin rosy, hair getting peppered with sand as he flies up, kicking his legs back and slamming the ball across the net. an enthralling sight. and then—

"i'll give you a kiss for every point i score." he grins, taking your hand — and all of a sudden, everything you've just been thinking about stops making sense.

"mhm?" you nod, and he licks his lips, thinking. "a kiss for every point, and if my team wins — i'll take you out to eat something good. come, it'll be good for you."

"and if you lose?" you ask, and he only grins wider. "i won't. trust me."

trust you? with my life, shoyo. with my everything. the things you've been thinking about stops making sense — because hinata shoyo is dazzling. he shines bright, he's radiant and he's like the sun. and in that same sense, his passions and desires and his love — they shine, too. it's clear that he adores you as much as you adore him.

with that mutual adoration present and so tangible even to you, though you sometimes feel as if you don’t deserve it, what more was needed?

"shoyo," you still ask, because hearing it from him makes it all better. "you love me, right?"

he looks confused for a second. "yeah? i love you. i love you more than anything."

and again, he plucks out the jewels of the sky and hands them all down to you in one fell swoop, with his words that glimmer and drip with the radiant sincerity of his feelings. "huh, is this what you're thinking about? it's in your eyes, i can see it."

"what do you see?" you ask, but then you forget everything because he's gripping your hand tighter and pulling you closer, for a kiss.

"i love you, mkay? we're together. forever. you know i wanna be with you forever." he says it against your lips, and you almost taste the essence of his words. "i love you, and i'm glad to be with you."

you almost tear up, he's so sweet and so sincere, how could you ever doubt him? 

how he understands what you're thinking so easily, how he says exactly what you want to hear without trying, you don't know — but you appreciate it, and you offer him a smile in return to the way he makes you feel so good, so light, inside. "i love you, too. i love you with all my heart."

"then let's go?" he steps back a little to look at you, bright orange curls framing warm, puppy eyes as he gives you a pout. “please? i wan’ you to come today.” you glance out to the street waiting outside your shared house, a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth, and you nod. "give me a minute, i'll go change."

he gives you a grin that could harness all the power of the sun in it, letting go of you so you can go pull some better clothes on — and you catch his hand before it can fall to his side.

he turns back to you, inquiring, and you answer with a tug at his arm that lets him draw close enough for you to give him a little kiss on the cheek. "i really do love you."

and the blush that spreads across his face as you turn around and retreat to your room, is more proof that he loves you.

hinata shoyo is dazzling. he's the sun, he's the stars, he's the galaxy, and he's everything anyone could ever want. and he loves you.

loves you the way the sun carresses the moon, the way the rays of it kiss the shadows of the twilight at dawn and at dusk.

he's the pride and joy of japan, everyone loves him and he could have anything he had passion for, and anything he desired. and to him, that was to be a player of the sport that brewed and set alight his passions.

and to him, what he desired was you.

note: i was going to say it's crazy that i haven't posted much sfw shoyo content on here, but then i remembered that every time i write something like this about him it gets sooo personal 💔 this is a piece i wrote in 2021 but it comes out now because i say so ! thank you for reading !!

[reminiscingtonight]

Dreams

Ona Batlle x Reader

Word Count: 942

A/N: Had to get this out of my head.

[WOSO Masterlist]

It’s cliché, saying you fell in love with your best friend. 

But you did. And it honestly wasn’t as horrible as some people like to make it out to be. 

Actually, maybe it was more so that the person you fell in love with somehow became your best friend in the time you’ve been intimate. 

Neither of you really remember what came first, the friendship or relationship, but neither you nor Ona really cared about the nitty gritty details. All that mattered was you, her, and the love you had for each other. 

In the two years you’ve been together, Ona’s managed to infiltrate every part of your life. For two years the two of you shared everything. The same friends, the same home, the same love. The same hopes, the same dream. 

It all started and ended the same. You and Ona, taking on the world together, facing every challenge in your way. It didn’t matter how big the hill you had to climb, as long as you had each other, it would be worth it. 

You and Ona. Ona and you. No matter which way it was spun, it always turned out the same. 

That’s why you’re not expecting it when she utters the words. 

“I’m going back to Barcelona.”

All it takes is five words for your whole word to come crashing down. 

Obviously you knew Manchester wasn’t forever. Not for Ona. Late nights spent talking about your future, about your hopes and dreams always led to the same place for the Spaniard. Barcelona was where everything started for her. It was where her heart laid, no matter the time spent away or distance apart she was from the club. 

It’s quiet in your shared apartment, the only sound being the breaking of voices as you try your best to remain optimistic. 

“I guess I could try to find a club in Spain. Nowhere’s too far for a Lioness.”

You can tell your joke falls flat by the way Ona’s eyes drop to the floor.

The longer the silence drags on, the more the truth sets in. Ona doesn’t have to say it, but you know exactly what she’s thinking. 

“You don’t want me to move to Spain.”

Somehow your own words hurt more than what Ona had started with. You feel numb. Sick to your stomach. 

You shut your eyes, ignoring the painful stab in your heart. “Just say it, Ona.”

The masochist in yourself needed Ona to say it, otherwise it wouldn’t count. If she didn’t say it, maybe she wasn’t going to do what you know she’s going to do. 

“(Y/N).” Ona’s gritting her teeth, hands balled up in fists. It’s easy to see your pain reflecting in her eyes. It’s cruel, you know, but you needed Ona to say exactly what she wanted. 

“Say it, Ona.” It’s the way your voice cracks that causes the first tear to fall down Ona’s cheek. 

She angrily wipes at her eyes. “(Y/N)--”

“Say it!”

Your voice echoes in the hallway. 

If you tried hard enough, you could see the ghosts of Ona chasing you around the house. You could hear the way she would laugh as she caught you trying to sneak a midnight snack. 

You could feel the way her heart once beat for yours. 

“I’m breaking up with you.”

---

“Why Manchester?”

Ona’s sprawled out on her back, head tipped towards the sky as you study her side profile. It’s the night after your first game as a Red Devil. You’re still wide eyed and star struck by the talent before you, but the shy grin she gave you before she agreed to a night of stargazing still made your heart beat out of your chest. 

She turns her head, catching the lovestruck look in your eyes. Ona chooses not to say anything as you instantly flush pink, embarrassed at being caught. She shrugs, a lighthearted smile on her face. “Why not Manchester?”

“I just… I’ve heard the way you spoke of Barcelona as the place to be. As the dream.”

Her eyebrows raise in surprise, not expecting you to have watched her past interviews. “Barca is the dream,” she nods. “But dreams don’t always work out the way you want to. What’s passed is past, and Barcelona, it was great while it lasted, but it is the past.”

Humming, you settle back down onto your back, more than content with Ona’s answer. From the corner of your eye you can see Ona still staring at you, a soft smile on her face. 

“You didn’t ask me what Manchester is.”

You tilt your head in question at the brunette, not saying anything but waiting for her to continue. 

She doesn’t. 

Ona stares at you for a while until she realizes you’re not going to say anything. She nudges you. “Well, go on.” 

You roll your eyes as she gestures for you to do as she says. But even you couldn’t stop the automatic smile from forming on your face. “Fine. What’s Manchester if Barcelona’s the dream?”

“Well that’s easy.”

You raise an eyebrow at her teasing grin.

“Well Manchester’s the present.”

---

You should have listened to Ona all those years ago. 

Manchester was only one place in time, neither the dream nor the future. 

Barcelona was both. 

You shouldn’t have expected her to give it up just for you. (You never asked her to)

Sometimes the past is worth letting go to get to the future. (When did Manchester become the past?)

Barcelona was the dream.

Ona was your dream.

Barcelona was the future. 

Ona was your future.

.

You just weren’t hers.

[normal-internet-user]

shaking at a frequency that could shatter glass I know I've been here not too long ago, but. please.

h—headcanons..,, maybe...?? f-for.

Peepaw/Dad!Leo with an adopted child!reader...,, please...,... i-i need some Dad fluff with this tortuga. this overgrown hard-shell melon. this- this. (gestures vaguely) y'get me?

he's so Dad shaped. he's so fond and just radiates safety and warmth and affection and ugghhhghhh i just KNOW he'd be the best dad EVER. nay, he IS the best dad. (pseudo) sibling Casey attests to it.

(⁠ ⁠ꈨຶ⁠ ⁠˙̫̮⁠ ⁠ꈨຶ⁠ ⁠) i think i'm actually going to lose my mind . the Clan as uncles/godparents/aunties. grandpa splinter. sweet brother Casey. it takes a village to raise a kid, they say.

do you see my vision here mate? as always, only if you want to ☜⁠ ⁠(⁠↼⁠_⁠↼⁠) & if you do? just .. go ham. if anything strikes you, PUT IT IN THERE. I NEED TO HEAR IT FROM OTHER PEOPLE TOO . (/lh)

This seems appropriate to celebrate me finishing the Rise movie (I am still emotionally unwell this is me coping) I shall grant you headcanons my dearest darling /p

PEEPAW LEO AS AN ADOPTIVE FATHER

....................................

Let me start this off by saying that this man-

This man is best dad.

He finds a lost child?

'Tis his child now.

You are his child now.

Casey?

He's ecstatic.

NEW SIBLING LES GO

Especially since you're younger than him,

(Not by much, maybe afew months)

Casey makes it his life mission to protect you at all costs.

His favorite thing to do is hold your hand and lead you around.

Leo is so so good at being a dad.

I mean look as CJ,

He's got this ok?

Feeling clingy?

He'll hold you until you want him to put you down.

Nightmares?

That's ok kiddo, come curl up next to Papa, he'll keep all those monsters away.

When you get older, you are not going anywhere without him, Casey, or anyone else.

It's not safe, and the same rule applies to CJ.

So you guys go on lots of scouting missions together.

You two may as well be twins, you never go anywhere without the other.

Sometimes, you and Casey will be sent to scout really last minute,

And Leo won't be notified until you two are gone.

Whenever this happens he gets super pissed off and worried because those are his kids,

He should be the one to give them clearence to leave,

Not some random officer who decided to send you two out.

If one of you ever comes back hurt,

God speed to whomever sent the two of you out.

Leo is mad.

Like, mad-mad.

So are April, Mikey, and Donnie.

Leo would literally fall apart if he lost you or Casey.

He swore to Cass that he'd protect Casey, and he promised himself he would keep you safe.

If he lost either of you he just might completely fall apart.

Leo's busy, he's running a resistance afterall,

So he can't keep eyes on you all the time.

That's why the Hamato's take turns.

Leo's in a meeting?

Let's meditate with Master Michelangelo.

Oh he's busy too?

Time to visit Uncle Tello's lab.

Can't find him?

Well where's Commander O'neil?

Can't find her either?

Welp, enjoy the meeting, cause you're stuck there now.

Play rock paper scissors or somethin idk.

If you're around before Splinter passes, he spends alot of time around you.

He's always wanted grandchildren, and he's going to cherish you,

Especially with the world in anarchy.

When you start losing people, it get's hard.

First it was Grandpa Splints,

Then it was Uncle Tello,

Then Auntie April...

Through it all Leo made sure you were ok.

You're just a kid, and you have to grow up in this hellscape?

You've never seen the blue sky, or normal rain,

And everyone you hold close is being ripped away.

That's not fair.

So he does everything he can to make sure you grow up safe and happy.

One of his favorite things to do was tell you and Casey stories of what the world used to be like.

Your favorite is when he describes the stars.

It sounds so amazingly beautiful, shimming lights like glitter sitting up in a blackish blue abyss.

Wow...

After the events of the movie, (you knew it was coming goddammit)

Your first request is to see the stars.

Which is pretty hard since New York is really bright like all the time.

So they took you and Casey to the docks where you would be able to see them best.

You looked up at the sky in absolute awe,

Papa's words would never do the stars justice.

After a minute, you broke down in tears.

It hurt, he promised to be the one to point out the constellations and his younger self doing it just wasn't the same.

Griefing is going to be a really big thing post movie.

In the future, you never really had the chance.

Everything happened so quickly and anytime wasted on griefing could have been a death sentence.

But now, you don't have to watch every corner, you don't have to wake up in fear you'll be alone.

So you grief.

You grief your family, and Casey does too.

Sure, technically they're right outside your room.

But it's not them.

They didn't raise you.

When Leo sends you and Casey back in time,

You took it much worse than Casey, who was focused on completeing the mission.

Sure, you wanted to stop the Kraang too,

But you missed your dad...

So when you find your family's past selves,

And Leo is being so...

Reckless,

You're angry.

Really angry.

Never in your life had your father acted this way, and Casey needlessly boosting his ego 30 seconds into knowing him wasn't helping.

Through out the movie, Casey needs to remind himself that this Leo isn't your Leo.

You have absolutely no trouble with that.

You come across as cold and angry, which worries your brother since you've never been like this before.

The others just assume you're always that way.

But you're not,

And acting like this makes you hate yourself.

You're grappling with the loss of your dad, and the fact that you might fail to do what you were sent here to in the first place.

Casey pulls you aside and gives you a talk.

He understands that your hurting,

He is too,

But this isn't about the two of you.

This is about saving the world and stopping the Kraang.

After that, you can hurt all you want.

That talk ended with you sobbing into Casey's shoulder, practically collapsing to the ground while you clinged to him and begged him not to leave you too.

Aight imma hit ya with the sandwich technique.

Fluff, angst, fluff.

Boom.

When you were a kid,

You had a habit of collecting anything shiny.

Old coins, jewelry, even just shiny rocks.

If it glimmered, you wanted it.

So whenever Leo had to leave the base, he always came back with something shiny for you to add to your hoarde.

He liked to compare you to a crow, and you asked what a crow was.

Right, raised in the apocolypse.

Sure there were plenty of birds around,

But they weren't.... normal.

So Leo explained what a crow was, and that they liked to collect shiny things.

You understood, but you wanted to know what one looked like,

So you went to Uncle Tello and asked if he could show you what a crow looks like.

He showed you, and immediatly you took to the comparison proudly.

You were like a crow!

Mikey liked to put on little shows for you and all the other children that lived in the base.

Making animals and such out of his ninpo.

Your favorite were the birds, the rabbits too.

But the best was the butterflies, which he also used to help you and Casey fall asleep.

They'd flutter around you room kinda like a nightlight.

I also like to imagine that when you and Casey start scouting, you get in trouble for fucking around.

Mostly making stupid bets for your shiny things.

Casey would collect shiny things just to make these bets.

Usually it was simple stuff, like who can throw a rock the farthest,

But even stuff like that could get both of you killed.

Neither of you really listened until one day,

You're making your bet like usual,

And the building you were scouting out wasn't as empty as you thought.

The two of you nearly fell to your deaths, luckily Casey managed to grapple the two of you to safety.

But after that, you had a major fear of heights, and Leo didn't let the two of you out of his sight for a while.

He made sure to scold the two of you when you returned that day,

Before hugging you and telling you how scared he was for a second.

Leo has no problem with you and Casey being included in meetings,

Honestly he prefers it.

If you two are gonna go running around scouting, you should know what's going on.

You'll have the occasional adult who thinks you and Casey are incompitent because of your age,

And that you shouldn't participate in meetings.

But Leo puts that to rest pretty quickly.

"If they can go out, and risk their lives on missions, they can attend the meetings." He'd say.

Leo loves you with his heart and soul.

If anything happened to you, he'd fall apart.

Sometimes he just needs you to have little sleepovers with him, that way he knows you're safe and sound.

He just wants to protect you.

You're his kid,

And he loves you

....................................

I wrote this while listening to anarchy by egg, and damn that song fits.

This one is LONG that's my bad, I got alittle carried away :^

[notacelestialbeing]

still with you (yunjin x f!reader)

synopsis: a memory leads you to the present. an interaction that changes everything in you and yunjin’s life. the moon being your biggest fan, decides it has been too long.

warnings: pretty angsty but gets better. tons of fluff/emotional fluff. soft love making, passionate, or4l, tons of kissing. basically a kdrama moment but make it wlw and smutty. yunjin is insecure about her body at one point.

songs used: still with you by jungkook.

word count: 2.2k

┌────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────┐

“hamkke utgo hamkke ulgo,

i dansunhan gamjeongdeuri,

naegen jeonbuyeonna bwa,

eonjejjeumilkka,

dashi geudael majuhandamyeon,

nuneul bogo marhallaeyo,

‘bogo shipeosseoyo’”

you loved yunjin, emphasis on the loved. there was no way you were going to fall for her ever again. isn’t that the promise you made to yourself? neither of you wanted this relationship to come to an end but what choice did you two have?

she still lurked in your mind even if you told yourself that you were over her. the laughs you shared together, and the tears that soaked both of your shoulders. you would never complain when it comes to yunjin. she still held a small part of your heart, even if she tore it apart, you knew better than to take it back.

you’d continue to love yunjin, even if it meant your blood would drain. at least, the blood would color a beautiful scarlet sky for her to stare into. or maybe the moon. the moon might’ve kept her company for all these years you’ve been away from her.

you were all too young when the two of you fell into what you considered love. a part of you always wished to run back into yunjin’s arms, or even the relationship you two had. you just wanted her aroma to fill your lungs again. her arms to securely embrace every insecurity you had. to kiss every fear you had, away.

perhaps for a lover like you, these things could only happen in your dreams. you wish you could find your way back to her and tell her how much your heart misses her. how it stares at the moon, wondering if she’s looking back at it. a messenger between the two of you.

“hwangholhaetteon gieok soge,

na hollo chumeul chweodo biga naerijana,

i angaega geotil ttaejjeum,

jeojeun ballo dallyeogal ge,

geuttae nal anajweo.”

all your memories led you to this moment. the universe was playing tricks on you, there was no way you had just seen yunjin on the bus. you wanted to believe she wasn’t real; a figment of your imagination. music played through your headphones as you stared out into the evening glow of the sky.

cherry blossoms were flying around the city, like they were trying to speak to you. staring into your eyes, was the moon peeking from the falling evening sky. seeing yunjin was like all the memories were playing in front of you. thinking of times when being young meant being careless. you two were meant to love.

you saw how her black luscious hair flew around as the wind coming from the open bus window complimented her hair. beauty had reached her skin, an afterglow of growing up, visible whenever she smiled. your heart was aching to grab her and show her that what you felt wasn’t a joke, perhaps it was the wrong time when you two were young.

the bus came to a halt as yunjin got up to get off at her stop.

incheon.

life couldn’t have gotten any crazier than this. you two first held hands at the incheon bus stop, back in high school.

you grabbed your tote bag and got off of the bus, after all, you two lived in the same neighborhood ever since you two were kids. a few raindrops had begun to fall from the overwhelmed evening sky. perhaps, it felt what you felt. the sound of cars honking and speeding filled your ears.

you walked behind yunjin, not knowing if talking was going to do anything. it had been years since you two last spoke. the evening breeze lightly kissed your skin as you guys walked in silence, the rain beginning to pour with thunder following. kind of like you and yunjin.

yunjin was the rain, you were the thunder. you two were always meant to be.

“jeo dari weroweo boyeoseo,

bamhaneure hwanage ulgo inneun geot gataseo,

eonjenga achimi oneun geol almyeonseodo,

byeolcheoreom neoye haneure meomulgo shipeosseo”

“the moon looks incredibly lonely tonight.” a simple sentence left her mouth, your heart couldn’t help but swoon over her matured voice.

“so does the star next to it.” you two spoke to each other like a language that only the two of you could understand.

you gazed far into the moon. you two had stopped walking and stared at the moon in awe, it shone a tad bit brighter tonight. like his tears were glimmering with hope for your love for yunjin. you couldn’t help but notice how the star next to it, shone even brighter in her eyes.

“how have you been yunjin?” you broke the moment with a question.

“i’ve been good. i’ve grown into a better human. i have.” her lips wanted to say so much more but her heart could only handle so much when it saw you.

“harureul geu sunganeul,

ireoke dwel geol arattamyeon,

deo damadweoteul tende,

eonjejjeumilkka,

dashi geudael majuhandamyeon,

nuneul bogo marhallaeyo,

‘bogo shipeosseoyo’”

“i’ve missed you yunjin. oh so much.” your voice quivered as you spoke the words of your heart.

she stared at you with a sad smile, holding a lot of meaning.

the rain had completely drenched the two of you. tears filled yunjin’s eyes as her feelings came rushing back in. she had waited years for you to say this. maybe then, the universe had wanted something different. but tonight, the universe wanted nothing but to see the two of you with each other.

she smiled through the gust of downpour that raided your moment. the moon stared into her eyes, being the best wingman she could ask for. she grabbed your face in her delicate hands, and leant in. a kiss that lasted forever.

the world around you had come to a halt. even the rain had changed directions, letting you two savor what was yet to come. the wind blew around you two, blowing the wet cherry blossoms out of your way. birds chirped into the sky, a melody forming between them from all the happiness.

you pulled back and rested your forehead on her. you two chuckled as the world continued to move again. you grabbed yunjin’s hand and ran under the rain. there was no reason to go home, when your home was right next to you. you guys laughed as the cars splashed you with water.

not a care in your minds, just the thought of the universe giving you two with this moment.

you guys ran until you had reached your neighboring houses. pants fell from your mouth. you were gazing at yunjin. she looked beautiful no matter how much rain had worn off her lightly covered makeup. you put your keys in the lock, twisting it as quickly as possible. your parents had gone out of town for work matters.

there was no time to waste tonight. it had been seven years since you talked to her. you were going to show her how much love was pent up inside your little heart for her. you two walked up the stairs quietly. no conversation took place, a passionate silence fell between you guys.

you opened the door to your bedroom, which had changed a lot ever since you grew up. the walls were coated with a thick indigo color. the seat by your window which was once covered with a mess of your clothes, was now replaced with a neatly placed white blanket and blue pillows.

the light in your room was dimmed as the rainstorm outside took the entire show. you reached for yunjin’s hand and clasped it into yours as you led her to your bed. it was decorated with white silk sheets. the room felt more like you to her. it held the comfort you gave her racing heart.

“wow, your room has changed so much. even you, you’ve changed so much. you’re so mature now.” she spoke her thoughts out loud.

“it has been seven years my love.” her cheeks were coated with a deep red.

she reached for the back of your neck with her hands and pulled you on top of her by the collar of your plaid shirt. her eyes were soaking with a desire that made your knees weak.

“eoduunbang jomyeong hana eopshi,

iksugaejimyeon an dweneunde,

geuge tto iksugae,

najimagi deullineun,

i eeokeon sori,

igeorado eopseumyeon,

na jeongmal muneojil geot gata.”

the dark room held you two sanely close. your hands felt around her skin, touching ever so lightly. you wanted her to feel what you were feeling. you two couldn’t keep your lips off of each other. her hands lifted off the tank top you were wearing, only wanting to feel your skin on hers.

“please show me how much you love me tonight. i trust you. i love you so much and i always will.” she hushed out. you softly undressed her, not wanting to scare her. kissing down her body with every garment you took off.

she was like a swan. an angel. a celestial in your bed.

her body was like the most gorgeous piece of art. you slowly leant down and kissed inside her thighs. the rain hit the windows faintly.

you saw yunjin cover her body with her arms. a saddening feeling settled in your stomach. she was like a painting yet afraid of everything she was.

“my love. you never have to hide in front of me. i love you for who you are. i love all the flaws you think you have because you’re flawless. i love any imperfections you think you have. we aren’t born perfect and we never will be born perfect. perhaps that’s what makes us humans so perfect. let me kiss every insecurity you have, away.” you saw her eyes fill with tears, her arms slowly inched away from her body.

“i love you, to the milky way and beyond.” you two chuckled at what she said.

you took off her white panties and kissed her pussy with so much love. it was your first time just like it was her first time. your hearts were racing but in synchronization. you made love to her like no other. your hands held hers as you took your time playing around with her clit.

you dipped your tongue into her wetness, feeling a sudden rush down your spine. you were going insane over her sweet pineapple-ly taste. a flavor you loved and savored ever since you had first met yunjin. her body smelt like pineapples whenever she was with you.

“just like that baby. you’re doing so good for me.” yunjin moaned politely. it was like a siren’s call. like the sweet sound of a flute in the early morning. it was everything you needed to show her how much you missed her.

you could feel how close she was from the way her legs shook around your head. her hips were bucking into your face, wanting everything from you but wanting to give you back just as much. her whimpers heightened in volume as she orgasmed.

her orgasm was like a new beginning, a new dawn. so unfamiliar yet it felt just like it belonged to you. your body filled with pride and heat as you felt a sense of accomplishment. you wanted to show your love and you did just that.

yunjin breathed out from her euphoric state of mind and pulled you up by the hand, laying you beside her. an adorable sight settled in front of you as you saw how in love she looked. her fingers traced your lips, wanting a taste of what you had. she inched closer to you and took in your bottom lip as she moaned at her taste.

“nothing could ever make me feel like you, my love. even your love makes me feel high, just like that orgasm did earlier.” she quietly spoke as she continued to stare at your big brown eyes.

“nothing could’ve made me happier. i’m so happy we finally spoke with one another. maybe it wasn’t us that had the courage, but the moon. it spoke to me everyday until i finally saw you. it made me realize how much i love you. i’ve missed you since the beginning of time and i promise to stay next to you till the end of the time. back then, it felt right but the time was wrong. but today, something inched you and i closer. everything felt right, even the time.” you confessed to yunjin who couldn’t help but wrap you up in her arms.

your words felt like heaven to her. she had never been so happy. hell, even her heart was leaping inside her chest. you both stared out into the stormy night, the moon catching your eye. realizing, it was truly the moon’s doing. you guys were his favorite lovers after all.

“even if the both of us had gone different ways, i hope you would know that i’d still be with you.” a thought swam around your mind.

“i’m still with you. till the end of time.” yunjin felt you smile into her chest.

the moon smiled to himself, knowing his job here was done. he shone brighter to show you guys that he’s still with you. till the end of time.

“nal baraboneun himihan miso dwipyeone,

areumdaun borasbicheul geuryeobollaeyo,

seoro balgeoreumi an majeul sudo itjiman,

geudaewa hamkke i gireul geotgo shipeoyo,

still with you.”

[robinette-green]

Robin's Mer DCA Romance Fics

These are fics I’ve started that involve Mermaids and aquatic life!

Unbreakable Chains:

You’re a mermaid captured by pirates. Scared and injured, two strange metal men care for you while you’re trapped in this scary place and slowly an unbreakable bond is formed between the three of you. ________________ Wind and rain pelted down on the ship as the men scrambled to lift their catch from the water. The waves rolled, tossing the ship back and forth, slamming water down onto the decks as ropes were pulled and the net was lifted from the water. A screech rang out over the waves as something much larger than your average fish was raised from the black depths. Lighting forked across the sky, illuminating sharp teeth and claws as the beast fought to free itself. The shout of pain, as claws met flesh, was drowned out by the rumble of thunder, but the sharp crack from the pistol rang clear across the water, followed by a scream. Another shot and cry of pain, and the men were finally able to lower the beast into the belly of the ship. 

Caught in a Fish's Net: (tag)

what if I wrote a story where a human is kidnapped by mermaids. And they were forced to marry two mer princes because of a prophecy that said if the princes married a human they would be able to end the plague killing their people. But the marriage seems to do nothing and now the human is trapped deep in the ocean with these mer because mer bond for life and now magic ties them together so if they’re apart for too long they’ll grow sick and die. OH! And there’s a sea witch who creates chaos. The sky had been cloudless when we'd set out this morning. The sun shone in the sky, causing sparkles to ripple across the waves as my father and I set out to sea in our small fishing boat. We cast out the nets and had a good laugh as we waited to pull them back in, Father at the rudder and me by the tethers we'd connected the nets to. Neither of us noticed how still the water had gotten. Neither of us saw the shadows below the surface. 

Bubbly:

A little waterlily mer guppy is trapped, home destroyed, and taken to a pet store to be sold. After spending some time living in a fish bowl, our little guppy is saved and moved to a tank that has been dubbed the daycare by the human tending to it. The daycare tank is set up to rehabilitate fish before they are released back into their natural habitats. There our guppy meets Sun and Moon, two fish that live full time in this tank taking care their healing guests. Sun and Moon and our guppy fall in love and then shit goes down.

Fish Fry: (tag)

Pulled from the sea 5 years ago, I was tied up, beaten, and sold to owner after owner, each deciding I was too dangerous to keep. Back then, I was strong, able to break bones and tear flesh with ease, singing to lure humans to their demise. It's what my kind was made to do, kill humans. But no more. Kept in increasingly small tanks, barely fed, and unable to swim, I started to weaken. Eventually, I was dumped here. It was some kind of oddities collection. My owner had other humans pay to look at his strange assortment of items he had gathered from around the world. Then one day I encountered two strange humanoid creatures that resembled the Sun and the Moon and my life started to change for the better.

Monster in the Sea:

Sun and Moon are human and go by Solaris and Lucien. The MC is a water dragon. Water dragon reader finds Sun and Moon lost at sea during a storm

Dark Waters:

When your parents died all their debt fell on your shoulders. You did everything you could but in the end, you were penniless and without a home. Reaching out to what relatives you had left, your uncle offered you a place, living and working at his little circus in the middle of the desert. It wasn't long after you moved into this little community that you found a strange abandoned tent hidden at the back of the grounds, a large tank inside. Posted just outside was a sign that read 'DANGER! KEEP OUT!' If you had headed the warning maybe you wouldn't be in this predicament but you also wouldn't have met the two most amazing creatures you have ever laid your eyes on.

Fishy Business: (tag)

Attacked and almost killed, I manage to escape my attackers and hide in a cave only to be found by something... not quite human. Too weak to get away and with the beasts that wanted to eat me waiting outside, this non-human kidnaps me, taking me to his ship. This is where I find that there are not one but two of these metal creatures. A story where the main character is a mermaid and is rescued/kidnapped by Sun and Moon

Some of these won't be finished and some are OLD writing of mine. you have been warned. Please don't let that stop you from reading these and enjoying them <3

[sunflowervoltwentyeight]

Happy 28th! Here is my March 2024 fic rec, organized by word count, from longest to shortest. You can view my other fic recs here. Enjoy!

Sunshine, Baby! by staybeautiful / @harruandlou (106k)

Louis was the first one down the row for their group. If he hadn’t been they would have never met.

He was turned around, walking backwards and saying to Liam, “No, I’ll get you to a real footie match next,” when he bumped into someone.

“Oops,” Louis laughed, tripping over his own feet. A hand curled around his upper arm as he nearly fell over the seat in front of him. “Sorry about that, mate.”

He turned around, still teetering in his vans, to apologize again, but the words dried in his throat. Another hand gripped his other elbow, steadying him, but all Louis could see were green eyes and dimples.

“Hi,” the man laughed, a bright, bubbling sound. “Are you okay?”

Or Louis is in his first year of law school, Harry is a junior on the swim team dreaming of the Olympics, and they both agree that they don't have time for anything more than friends with benefits... right?

Follow Your Arrow by Anonymous (78k)

Harry was the golden child, blessed in every way; Niall was the charming miscreant, a bad boy; Liam was the future-son-in-law parents of daughters dreamt of, and Zayn was the kid parents wished was their son. But Louis, Harry thought, Louis was the special one. 

It's senior year and everything is about to change.

Where We Landed by blueskiesrry / @blueskiesrry (70k)

The leaves were green the last time Harry stepped foot in Holmes Chapel, a stark contrast to the candy apple, butterscotch painting them now, years later. Harry first notices them on the train, gazing out the window with a downturned mouth. A warm something floods his stomach–memories, Harry imagines, of him as a boy, longing for the days when he’d live elsewhere and have to take this very train home for the holidays. He wonders how it’s possible to have once felt eager and euphoric at the sight of changing leaves yet now to feel nothing but tired. He sighs softly, turning away from the trees to look at his daughter, half-curled in his lap, asleep.

or: harry returns to his hometown with his sick daughter and more reminders than he bargained for of the boy he once loved when he left a handful of years ago

You'll Always Find Your Way Back Home by styleandsin / @styleandsin (43k)

Now, as he’s standing in the doorway, he’s trying not to get choked up. He hadn’t realized how much he missed this: the smell of his mother’s baking, the sounds of each of his family members, the sight of some of his old toys scattered about the foyer where his littlest siblings had presumably left them. All these things scream home, and he hadn’t felt at home since he left this house eight years ago.

 Louis needs a break from everything, from acting and the constant pressure of life in LA. He decides to move back home for a bit, some time with his family is exactly what can lift his spirits. What he doesn't expect is to fall in love. Both with the town he hated so much so that he couldn't wait to leave it years ago and with a curly haired florist that was the complete opposite of the guys he'd often meet in LA.

Something About Liminal Spaces by kingsofeverything / @kingsofeverything (34k)

Searching for inspiration for his latest book, and hoping distance will help heal his broken heart, Louis Tomlinson heads to the village of Piha on the west coast of New Zealand’s north island.

There he meets Harry Styles.

Fifteen years older than Harry, Louis tries to keep his distance, but Harry is impossible to avoid and harder to ignore.

At Risk, I Fold by clare328 / @bearmustard (15k)

2015 is a stream of hotel rooms and whisky on the rocks, tired glances and touching hands under tables. It’s the bears and the bees under a rainbow sky, and Harry and Louis have to figure out how to grow up together, instead of apart.

Wedding Bells Will Never Ring For Me by lousmoonshine / @lousmoonshine (14k)

After a failed proposal a few years back, Louis gets an unexpected invitation to his ex - Harry’s – wedding

Some Kind of Night Into Your Darkness (Colors Your Eyes With What's Not There) by larryismylifesource (5k)

Harry’s body buzzes with heat, like a current underneath his skin, because it’s been too long and his husband is right here and for once they have no obligations other than each other and he just wants.

“Lou.”

And Louis must sense it, the way the atmosphere shifts against him, the way Harry’s eyes get all big and dark with need, because he meets Harry’s gaze and then yanks him down for another kiss.

or, the boys get a day off in the middle of tour and harry and louis use it to their advantage

[look-at-the-soul]

Hi! Ok so I don't know if I late to your Adele Song Tribute (if I am that's totally alright!) but if you still have space what about something for Tommy or Jonathan with the song Skyfall? Maybe something about reader standing by her man/comforting him when everything seems to be falling part? I think it's one of my favourite songs of hers and not just because I love the James Bond movie of the same name😂 you totally don't have to to though if you don't want too❤️❤️

Hey Addie! Don’t worry you’re never late 🤗 thank you so much for sending in this request! It’s the first one of the ones I got that I started worked with because I particularly LOVE that song and watching the performance to get inspiration is something I really enjoy! ♥️ so I hope you like this 🥰

The lyrics for the song are in italics. As I was debating whether what background story to choose from to develop this story, I had like a moment flashing before my eyes… I definitely enjoyed writing a dark Tommy story for “The way to a man’s heart” but the thought kept coming back to me, how about the opposite? How about someone who actually loves him and wants to help him and his family? So I turned everything upside down and came up with this.

Adele song: Skyfall

Skyfall

Tommy Shelby x reader (smut)

This is the end

Hold your breath and count to ten

Silence.

That’s all that filled the halls.

For this is the end

I've drowned and dreamt this moment

So overdue, I owe them

Swept away, I'm stolen

Y/N took a deep and shaky breath to build some courage and walked towards the love of her life.

Tommy had been staring at the road the police cars took after arresting Polly, Arthur, John and Michael, but they were long gone.

She’d never forget the look in their faces as they were processing what was happening; everything was caos, the people she considered her chosen family yelling, cursing Tommy, trying to find a way out. She felt useless.

Let the sky fall

When it crumbles

Esme and Linda were looking at Tommy with such anger, that it made her heart ache for him. Jaws clenched, pointing fingers at him as they were escorted out of the house.

We will stand tall

Face it all together

Let the sky fall

Softly she touched his shoulder to let him know she was close.

“Tom.” She could hardly even her own voice. “Come.”

It took a huge strength from her to snap Tommy out of his trance.

“Frances can you please prepare me a tea for Mr. Shelby? Lavender or Valerian Root… double.”

“Right away Madame.” The maid nodded and rushed towards the kitchen.

“I need to be alone.” Tommy mumbled as he stood in front of the staircase.

“No.” She stated firmly. “I’m -” her voice broke down a bit, “I’m right here for you Tom.”

“Y/N please,” he replied in that warning tone he used when he was about to loose his patience, “I’m not a very good company at the moment.”

Skyfall is where we start

A thousand miles and poles apart

Where worlds collide and days are dark

She could see the pain in his eyes, and it was the hardest thing to endure.

Tommy had stepped up for his family since a very young age, he worked really hard for everyone, put everything single member of the family before him or his needs… it was time to make him a priority.

She couldn’t look another way and pretend he was alright.

Because he wasn’t, but he didn’t know how to ask for help either.

With all the love she held in her heart for this man she kneeled before him, Tommy didn’t lift his head as it was hanging close to his knees, he looked defeated.

“You got this, Tom, love,” gently but with a firm hand, Y/N lifted his chin to make him look at her, “this seems like a very dark time and that everything’s going the wrong way, but you always find a way to make it better, you always find a way out.”

“They hate me, Y/N as if they needed one more reason… there was nothing I could do to stop them from going to fucking jail.”

“I know darling.”

“All of this…” he extended his arms while looking around the room, “money, power, and for what? They’re in a fucking prison cell, the size of a shoebox. Someone else paid the judges and police more than I did.”

Where you go, I go

What you see, I see

“That’s where you’re wrong, my darling… you can use it to get your position back, if they got your family in prison and they want to play dirty? But you can play smarter than your enemies, I know you will get your family out of jail soon.”

That seemed to work on him, his features were softer, his shoulders weren’t so tense.

“What would I do without you? Ey?” His thumb outlined her cheek.

“Drive Frances crazy?” Y/N joked earning a small chuckle from Tommy that felt like the sweetest thing ever. “Now, I know it’s almost impossible, but have some rest, it will help you think better in the morning.”

“Will it work if I say no?” Tommy tried, knowing the answer before he even opened his mouth.

“Absolutely not.” She slapped his arm lightly before extending her arms towards him to ask for help to get up.

Getting rid of his suit jacket she placed it carefully on the chair, then Tommy let her unbutton his vest and shirt, but first she needed to get rid of the holster and gun.

His mind was going down in a spiral with worry, fears, the monsters inside his head, the tunnel closing up while he tried to reach the stairs to get out… but there right next to him was a woman who trusted him, who believed in him, who was trying to be the light in his darkness.

The only one he could trust to disarm him, both physically and emotionally.

Before he knew it, she tucked him in bed now only wearing his shorts, then she took a cigarette and the matches and lighted it for him, knowing so well he needed a smoke.

“I won’t take long, don’t go anywhere.” She requested right before pressing her full lips to his.

There was only one way to make that mind of him go numb.

He needed to think straight to choose his next move, but he wouldn’t be able to do so when he was in that altered state.

So she removed her skirt and blouse, applied some perfume and subtle lipstick and walked out of the bathroom wearing only her intimate pieces of clothing, a silky short in pale pink with a touch of black lace and matching bra.

As she slowly and tentatively walked towards the empty side of the bed, Tommy was under some kind of spell, his eyes devouring her body.

He was in the same position she left him; the sheets around his waist, bare chest and leaning against the headboard.

Still looking vulnerable after the horrible events of the day, but in his eyes she found a small flame starting to grow with each step she took. As it grew Tommy licked his lips in preparation of what was coming, he was aware of the power Y/N held over him once the bedroom door was closed.

His mind was already in blank as she straddled him, her fingers running up and down his chest. Tommy’s hands immediately circled her waist as he looked up with adoration in his eyes.

“Y/N what are you doing?” Tommy asked in a whisper, his body reacting as she rocked her hips slightly, tempting him, barely brushing against his member.

“Taking off my clothes.” Y/N replied in an innocent voice as if it wasn’t obvious.

Tommy groaned in pleasure as her upper body wasn’t covered anymore. He only dared to close his eyes a moment as she took off his glasses very carefully and placed it on his nightstand. He hissed as she took again her previous spot on him, leaning down to finally give him a proper and deep kiss.

As his mouth explored her neck and collarbone, his hands removed her underwear. A moment later, she was helping him out of his shorts. The atmosphere getting heated rapidly… it wasn’t long before Y/N was rocking her hips back and forth, teasing Tommy, just allowing the tip of his cock inside of her body, as Y/N moved an inch down only to move up again almost all the way out. He protested and tried to move her body down again, he needed her warm walls envelope him.

I know I'd never be me

Without the security

Of your loving arms

“Fuck… Y/N.” He moaned and to her it was the most beautiful sound.

But she wasn’t going to give in, just as Tommy tried to grind her against his hard member, she moved up again. The burning feeling between her legs only adding more pleasure.

“Not yet dear.” She enjoyed the half empty feeling of just having his tip inside and decided to change her pace and angle by making circles with her hips.

Tommy was weak when it came to her, there was no use in trying to deny it, but when it involved her naked, he would do anything she wanted him to.

“Please… I can’t hold it.” She noticed the beads of sweat on his forehead, how tense his jaw was, his beautiful blue eyes closed and felt the rhythm of his heart against her palm.

That’s when she finally in a fluid moment took all of him, his eyes snapped open and a low fuck escaped his lips as he could only focus on the fluttering feeling around him. Y/N controlled her movements to prolong her own pleasure. Throwing her head back she gave in the feeling of being connected so intimately to Tommy, hitting the sweet spot inside of her over and over and suddenly watching him with his mouth hanging open, the veins on his neck pulsing, groaning and trying to not come undone before her it was too much.

“Don’t hold back.” Y/N encouraged him as she guided one of his hands to her center, where she needed him, his skilled fingers set her on fire in mere seconds and they both reached the climax together.

***

By the end of the night, Tommy was exhausted, Y/N noticed when the rhythm of his breathing changed and he stopped clearing his sore throat after too many cigarettes. She didn’t dare to move to make sure from her current position; head resting on his chest, his arm around her waist. But at least she achieved her main goal… make him feel tired enough to get some sleep.

She knew he would deal with everything in the morning with a clear head, but for now she only wanted to enjoy the feeling of his lean body relaxed, his deep breaths helping her to relax as well.

Keeping me from harm

Put your hand in my hand

And we'll stand

The following morning when Y/N opened her eyes, she noticed Tommy wasn’t in bed with her but she could hear him moving around the bathroom so picking his undershirt from the floor, she tiptoed towards him finding Tommy tucking his shirt inside his pants.

“Morning Mr. Shelby, slept well?”

“Like a baby, you wore me out.” There was a hint of a smile, before returning to his usual serious expression.

“I’m coming with you to the office.” Y/N announced, but before Tommy could protest, she added; “think you probably need some extra hands these days.”

Tommy swallowed watching her strip down to enter the shower. “Thank you.”

She’d choose to tease him for accepting help so easily, but given the circumstances she decided to pass on and hurry up, without his family around the work and papers would pile up.

“Can you take over Polly’s calendar?” Tommy asked as they rushed towards the door.

“Sure.”

“Ada will help us as well, I need to go out during lunch though, I asked Michael to do something but…” he trailed off and let the words hanging in the air.

As the car left Arrow House, Y/N squeezed his hand in an attempt to give Tommy some reassurance. On their way to the Shelby headquarters, Y/N helped him sign a couple of documents and a letter, as the ride went in silence, she knew he was already making a plan so she decided to give him time and space to do what he did best.

As soon as Tommy crossed the door Lizzie and other secretaries and employees were trying to figure out what would happen now, uncertainty decorating their features. Everyone following his instructions, not asking questions, they were just obeying his orders, he was back to being the boss once more, not showing an ounce of emotion, of course he wouldn’t show the vulnerable side Y/N saw the previous night.

Y/N marched to the kitchen in silence to prepare him some tea.

“This is a mess, how did you handled him last night?” Ada asked leaning against the table.

“As best as he let me.” Y/N sighed. “I think he’ll need something stronger, but Polly keeps the booze locked and I don’t know where her keys are.”

“I need to go through Arthur’s papers later, if I find something, I’ll give it to you.” Ada proposed in a low tone, still shocked.

“I’m planing to pay Polly a visit, she might need a change of clothes and other things, would you come with me?”

“The safe combination wont work, Y/N I need you to open it.” Tommy appeared out of breath, he looked like he had been moving furniture around and it was only past eight o’clock.

“Alright I’ll take that as my cue to go.” Ada left them with her own cup of tea, she had a long day ahead and knew when to stay away from her brother.

Pouring the two cups, Y/N gave Tommy his to try to keep him busy as he was looking over her shoulder, as if with that she would be able to open the safe faster.

“What’s so urgent?” She didn’t understand, Tommy had already paid for protection for his family while they were in jail. That was something.

But the combination she was using didn’t work either and Tommy was growing impatient.

“Hang on, Pol told me something about a picture.” Y/N clicked her fingers and started opening the back of a frame that was sitting on Polly’s desk, hidden behind a photo of Michael, there was a paper with the new combination.

“Why the hell did she choose to hide combination there?” Tommy complained, shaking his head.

“Because no one would think of opening a photo frame?” Y/N chuckled and left him to start organizing the things she would be helping around with.

First she started to make a list of the things that were needed at the office, then she got busy with the car spares of the upcoming shipments which kept her busy most of the morning.

The following weeks happened exactly like that, super busy days by keeping the books in order, registering the accountability made her feel exhausted by the end of the day and her feet were sore when she got involved in dispatching the Scotch whiskey. She could barely realize when it was lunch time and before she knew it, it was already nine o’clock and Tommy took some papers to keep working from home.

Rubbing his eyes, he locked the door to his office and walked through the empty property, all employees were gone home for the day, except for one; the most loyal one, the one who stepped in and didn’t ask what she needed to do, she got completely hands on immediately and didn’t stop until he was ready to go. Y/N had been developing incredible leadership skills, she made everything go right on time, she made sure meetings were efficient and all employees had clear instructions.

Tommy looked around for her since all he could find was silence,so it was a surprise to find her sitting on the floor inside the safe, somehow she also managed to make the count and organize the mess they had inside. After feeling on the edge for days, watching her skirt wrinkled, a lock of hair bothering her vision and making her blow some air in a lousy attempt to move it back made his day go a million times better.

She wasn’t a Shelby yet, - he should change that soon- but somehow she had managed to earn that last name by her endless support and all the hard work she was doing.

“You’re making me start thinking I should have everyone else fired and hire you full time, what the hell are you doing Y/N?” Tommy asked with his arms folded against his chest, the hint of a smile dancing in his lips. He couldn’t hide the amusement in his features.

Face it all together

At Skyfall

“Why do you have a King’s letter here?” Y/N raised her hand with a wrinkled paper, that caught Tommy’s attention right away.

“Where did you find it?” His eyes scanned the words at speed.

“After finishing the count, I started organizing the licenses and papers, this briefcase was at the back.” She explained showing him the other papers. “What’s the matter?”

Then, in a surprising motion, Tommy took her face between his hands and gave her a loud and effusive kiss on the lips.

“This is better than the fucking lottery!”

He announced storming out of the safe, Y/N rushed to close it before following his steps confused.

“You’re a fucking genius.”

“I’m not following.” She frowned while Tommy poured two glasses, this was the first time she saw him smile for weeks, his eyes finally showing life.

“I found that briefcase by accident some time ago, it involves the King in some shit ,” his eyes were shining like the stars outside, “this is my ticket to get my family out and all thanks to you.”

Tommy pulled her by the hips to make her sit on his lap.

“What are you waiting for then? Go on!” She encouraged him, but Tommy had other plans.

“If it wasn’t for you during this difficult time, I wouldn’t be able to do this, you know that right?” His hand came to caress her cheek while she took a moment to savor his sweet words. “This is far from the ideal proposal and I don’t even have a ring right now, but I need you to know that I want you by my side forever.”

“Oh Tommy!” Her eyes got teary, she was so tired and worried for him, thinking he would explode at any moment so this was totally unexpected.

And for the first time in days, they both felt like they did a good job by keeping the business afloat and finally the way to get the family free. After hugging tightly and another round of kisses, Y/N pulled back.

“First things first, we’re going to write a letter to get your family out of jail,” Y/N stated excitedly, “we should do a tea party and invite Mr. Churchill and other VIP guests.”

Tommy chuckled.

“And let me pick up Aunt Pol, she is still angry with you.”

“Fair enough.” He answered leaning back on his chair as Y/N was writing the letter.

After asking a blinder to deliver it personally, Y/N walked back into Tommy’s office finding him with his eyes closed and two fingers massaging his temples.

“Everything will be alright.” She hugged him from behind, taking in how worried he really was, but he had been disguising as strong and tough and intimidating all the time.

“I know,” when Tommy looked into her eyes, she found sadness. “Thank you for doing this.”

“Tommy… I knew you’d find a wait to get them out.”

“This shouldn’t be happening. Not to them.”

“Let’s focus on the future now, hmm?” Y/N kissed his cheek.

That was all he could think of now. And all of the things they’d do together.

He was so grateful for the way she managed everything, kept him grounded and focused, encouraged him to keep going, to not give up, she stood up for him when he needed it the most.

And there was nothing on earth good enough to show her how grateful he really was.

***

Adele songs challenge

Master List

Tag list: @lyarr24 @runnning-outof-time @cillmequick @datewithgianni @cloudofdisney @gretelshelby @zablife @gypsy-girl-08 @lespendy @onlydeadcells @fastfan @stevie75 @prettylittlehoneyeyesxoxo @esposadomd @forbidden-forest-witch @ange-thoughts @moral-terpitude @elenavampire21 @forgottenpeakywriter @thenattitude @winchestergirl22 @heidimoreton @imichelle-l-rigby @allie131313 @already-broken144 @peakyscillian @babaohhhriley @shelbydelrey @shaddixlife @sloanexx @sydneyyyya (can’t tag) @adaydreamaway08 @pono-pura-vida @thomashelbyswife @darleneslane @everythingelseisextra

[itjazzbicch]

Things That Never Change

Pairing: Lui Kang x Titan!Reader 

First time writing for Lui Kang, so I hope I did well! 

Summary: Falling in love long before their timeline was ripped after defeating Kronika, the reader, who became a Titan, still gets to spend time with their beloved Lui Kang but wishes things could be different so Lui Kang reassures that their love has never changed and that someday, they will have a true, happy ending...

Warnings:  N/A

Word Count: 0.6k 

Living for Eons and eons, I had seen everything there was to see, but nothing could compare to the night sky I was staring at. A Milky Way illuminated from a dark purple on one side to a bright blue, then back to purple. Stars soaring and dancing in the sky were such a beautiful sight.

What made it so unique? Lui Kangs' hand in mine, the smile I cherished on his face, his bright eyes locked into mine. We didn't need many words. Considering we were both Titans, we didn't have much time together.

This is where we would meet to have some time to ourselves and get away from our duties in our timelines for a while. Each time we came here, it seemed like our time grew shorter and shorter. I knew that soon we'd have to go.

I held his hand in my lap, catching his attention as he felt a water droplet fall and seep into his skin. It was a tear.

"Dear," Leaning to look into my eyes, he grew concerned, wiping away the tears that rolled down my cheek, "What's the matter?"

"Can we stay here forever?" I knew as a Titan that may have sounded childish and selfish even, as I had such significant duties, but my heart wanted what it wanted, and that was to be with Lui Kang. Always.

As he stayed silent for a moment, the tears wouldn't stop leaking out, squeezing his hand tight and expressing:

"I never want to leave your side. We lived for eons before we reunited. I felt so alone without you. I always feel that way when you're gone."

"I know how you feel," He cooed softly, guiding me into his arms for a warm hug that I needed, rubbing my back softly and relating to me, "Every second we're apart, I miss you."

"I just love you so much-," I professed, my voice cracking and breaking into a whisper, hugging him tighter, "I love you, Lui Kang."

"I love you too," He whispered, stroking my chin and guiding my eyes up at him. He looked like a work of art with the gorgeous stars behind him, believing his every word, "One day, we will always be together. I know that it has been so long, but be patient for just a while longer."

Nodding and taking a deep breath, I knew he was right. Patience was the only thing I had to overcome, and considering how long I've lived, that battle with patience wasn't as bad as it seemed.

"I know that I'm now a Titan," I whispered, feeling like it was the first time we met, "But I'm still the same young lady who fell for the chosen one."

"I haven't changed either," He assured, caressing my cheek, "My love for you hasn't changed, and regardless of how long we live, what we live through, that will never change."

Words weren't enough to explain how deep our love was; I perked my head up to find his lips, feeling complete as they met, magnetizing back together even if they parted for a second, wishing we could stay like this forever.

I lost track of time, solely focused on the softness of his lips kissing mine, the amount of powerful love we poured into each other. My lips broke apart with tears swelling up again as I knew it was time for us to go.

"Don't stress yourself, Y/N," He consoled, holding my face and smiling contagiously, "We'll have plenty more moments together and, eventually, everything we could ever dream of."

I smiled back, kissing him one more time, content and confident in his words, "I'll never doubt it, Lui Kang," 

2023 © itjazzbicch — do not repost or translate my work. Likes, reblogs, and comments are always welcome 

[hotchnerobsessed]

Think About You

This one was requested by @ssamorganhotchner 🥰

Based on “The Touching Yourself Song” by Noah Davis

Fem!Reader x Hotch | Being away from Aaron is never easy, but you always find ways of getting by.. sometimes with his help.

Warnings: 🥵+🤭 Smut [praise kink, slight choking kink, fem!masturbation, phone sex, mirror play, protected sex] with a few little moments of domestic life with Aaron sprinkled throughout.

Word Count: 8080

Masterlist

I think we can all agree that Aaron is an old fashioned kind of guy, so the pictures are Polaroids rather than digital photos 🫣

**********

“I've got a man, but he's always out of town.”

Being apart never got any easier. It didn’t matter if he was gone for a couple days, or a couple weeks, knowing you wouldn’t be falling asleep in his arms for an undetermined amount of time made your chest ache. Add to that the fact that he might get hurt, or worse, he might never come home, made it almost unbearable sometimes.

But you never held it against him. You knew what you’d signed up for when you’d agreed to spend the rest of your lives together. You accepted him for who he was, job and all. Truthfully, it’s what had drawn you to him in the first place, there was always an air of safety around him. You knew that no matter what happened, you would be okay as long as you had him by your side; your fierce protector.

As you sat at the empty dining room table, you’d hardly touched the meal you’d prepared for yourself. Jack was at a friend’s for the weekend, so you were on your own for two and a half days. You enjoyed your time alone as much as the next person, but when Aaron was gone, some nights were more difficult than others. The fork in your hand was mindlessly pushing food around your plate, before you finally set it down with a heavy sigh.

Glancing out the window, you stared at the beautiful sunset that filled the sky, and couldn’t help but wonder what the sky looked like wherever he was. That was the hardest part, the not knowing exactly where he was. It was always so vague, simply, “Alabama,” or, “Nebraska.”

As the brilliant colours reflected in the clouds began to fade, you found yourself fidgeting with the rings around your finger. Your mind instantly flooded with memories of your special day, saying “I do,” to your best friend, followed by cheers erupting from all of your loved ones.

It didn’t take long for your mind to wander even farther, to the end of the night, and everything that followed. The way he’d looked, kneeling in front of you, tux still in tact, as he pushed your dress up your legs. The smirk that crossed his face before he ducked his head under the material and connected his lips to your core still made a chill run down your spine. He’d stayed right there for even longer than he normally did, wanting to “make sure my wife is taken care of.”

You hadn’t noticed it at first, the way you’d mindlessly crossed your legs while you were still seated in that dining room chair, with your eyes still focused on the clouds, still spinning your rings around your finger. The slight rocking motion of your foot relieved some of the pressure that was beginning to build deep within you, but it wasn’t enough.

It wasn’t long before the memory of him finally pulling himself out from under your wedding dress was front and centre; his hair was a complete mess, his chin glistened thanks to your multiple climaxes, and a huge grin was spread across his face. That was a sight you knew you would never forget; it had seared itself into the deepest parts of your mind.

“Feel like an addict, you come on my mind, all of a sudden I'm wetting through the sheets like aquafina.”

By now, you’d acknowledged the aching between your legs, and you wanted to get more comfortable. You quickly packaged up your untouched meal and stuck it in the fridge, before making your way to the bedroom. As you crossed the soft carpeted floor, losing articles of clothing along the way, you finally found yourself lying on your back in the middle of the bed.

You didn’t waste any time, sliding your hands along your body, cupping one of your breasts in one hand, while continuing farther down with the other. You weren’t surprised at all by just how wet you already were, it didn’t take much when Aaron was on your mind.

Your now slick fingers slid effortlessly along your folds, gently teasing yourself. It was a sad attempt at building up to your climax, even though you knew you were already teetering on the edge. You decided to just let yourself have this one, as you brought your fingers up to your sensitive bud.

The feeling was euphoric, as your eyes slipped closed and more memories began flashing through your mind. One in particular was of a time he’d informed you that he wanted to have you for breakfast, as his strong hands helped lift you onto the kitchen counter before he dropped to his knees in front of you. With every swipe of your fingers, you imagined his tongue on you, caressing you up and down, drawing out every last ounce of pleasure he could.

It was one look in particular that he always gave you that finally did you in; the way he would glance up at you, lips still attached to your clit, as he raised those strong eyebrows of his as if asking permission, before sliding two fingers inside you.

One last brush of your fingertips against your swollen bud had your body shaking. Your hips writhed against the sheets, a moan of his name escaping your lips, as your grip on your breast tightened. Your chest was still heaving, but you desperately wanted more.

“Using his pics when I'm missing his dick, I do it at night, with him on my mind.”

After allowing yourself some time to catch your breath, you slipped your legs over the side of the bed before kneeling on the floor and pulling open the very bottom drawer of your shared dresser. You’d both agreed to make it your special drawer, and you’d filled it with all of your lingerie, sex toys, and (just what you were looking for) a stack of Polaroid photos.

Glancing down at the tiny photos between your fingertips, you felt a warmth spread through your body as you recalled the passion of that night. You’d been digging through some old boxes in the garage when you found the camera, at which point you’d completely forgotten what you’d even been looking for in the first place. What started as an innocent, “look what I found!” quickly turned into him suggesting that he had, “an idea of what we could take pictures of..”

You flipped through the stack, everything from photos of you going down on each other, to photos of you riding him, and a close up of his large hand grasping your throat, to find one specific photo that seemed to have a death grip on your mind. You simply couldn’t help it, it was one you always kept going back to.

Taken from his point of view, looking down at you lying on your back, the very top of the frame showed your breasts cupped in your hands. The very bottom of the frame showed a glorious view of his stomach, with the centre of the photo capturing his cum painted flawlessly across your chest and stomach. Your bodies were impossibly close, your legs draped over his thighs, with his still hard length resting against your lower abdomen. You loved the photo because it showed off his size beautifully, with his tip reaching past your belly button.

“When I go solo I'm never by myself, we fuck in my mind when I can't have that dick in real life. It's like you never leave mе, it's all in my head, but I still feel that shit in my spine.”

Simply looking at the photo seemed to have a visceral affect on your body, as your thighs squeezed closer together. If you closed your eyes, you swore you could still feel just how deep he always reached. With your toes curling at the thought, you knew you needed to do something about the throbbing that had returned between your legs. Sliding the drawer shut, you made your way back to the bed, lying down and spreading your legs once more.

Your eyes scanned the photo, and you mimicked the way you were cupping your breasts in the photo with your free hand. Running your thumb across your nipple made your back arch, as your eyes slipped shut and you imagined it was his hands making you feel good.

As your fingers trailed farther down your body, you made a point of laying your hand flat against your lower abdomen, right where his cock had been in the photo. Your eyes flickered open momentarily, and your gaze lingered on his impressive length in the photo, as everything came rushing back.

“When I close my eyes, that muscle stay with me. That muscle memory.”

Moments before the photo was taken, you’d felt your entire body shudder, a wave of pleasure consuming your mind. You’d come to realize that it would never matter how many times you experienced it, the feeling of him deep inside you as an orgasm ripped through your body, it wasn’t something that would become seemingly mundane. As much as you craved a simple, domestic life with him, these moments, with both of your bodies connected, isn’t something you would ever take for granted.

With your eyes closed once again, you allowed your hand to travel between your thighs. You could still see the look of pleasure on his face clear as day as he wrapped his hand around his hard length. You could still hear the deep groans rumbling through his chest and escaping his lips as incoherent moans. As much as it turned you on, watching as he fucked his own fist and spilled his release across your body, it also made your heart swell in your chest. You could remember lying on your back in that moment, staring up at him and thinking to yourself how lucky you were to see him this vulnerable, this unravelled, this spent.

Reaching your hand even farther down, you slipped your fingers between your wet lips and into your heat. It wasn’t the same as his fingers, and nowhere near the same as his cock, but it would have to do for now. Carefully setting the photo on the bed beside you, you slid your other hand down to meet the other, and your fingers danced around your clit.

With a firm curling motion, you began massaging that glorious spot inside of you, all while rubbing tight circles against your swollen bud. Hitting the rewind button in your mind, you focused back on the moments leading up to your climax in that photo; the way he whispered encouragement in your ear, the way his pelvis rubbed perfectly against your clit, and the way his tip hit all the right spots inside you.

In no time at all, you felt your body crest the wave again, that same feeling of euphoria consuming your mind. With a few final strokes of your fingers, you’d reached your limit and pulled your hands away, letting yourself breathe through it. As your chest rose and fell, slowing with every deep breath in shaky breath out, you felt a calm settle itself deep within you. Even when Aaron wasn’t there with you, he was still more than capable of making you come undone in the best way.

Though your body still craved more, you craved him, you were more than happy to end the night there, and after cleaning yourself up, you simply curled up in bed. Wearing one of Aaron’s sweaters, breathing in the familiar scent of him, you slowly drifted off to sleep.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

The next morning, things hadn’t changed, you still wanted more. You wanted him there with you, touching you, inside you, his body weight pinning you against the mattress. Throughout the day, you did your best to ignore it, but by the time the evening rolled around, you couldn’t deny it any longer.

You’d finally finished your leftovers from the night before, when you decided you were going to text him; you just wanted him to know he was on your mind. Though you knew your chances of getting a response were slim, you were going to try anyway. He was more than likely wrapped up with something, but later at night like this was better than midday.

Reaching for your phone, you selected his name from the top of your screen and typed out a message. Most times you would have started by asking how his day had been, and how everyone was doing, but you were too focused on how empty your arms felt without him there to hold at night. You decided that a simple statement, getting straight to the point, would be best.

📲 I miss you so much.

Once you hit send, you locked your phone and set it on the table beside you. You weren’t expecting a reply any time soon, so you stood from the table and brought your dishes to the sink. Much to your surprise, seconds later you heard the chime of your phone.

📲 I miss you too, sweetheart. Are you alright?

You smiled softly to yourself; you should have known he’d be able to tell that something was off. Not wanting to waste his time, you decided once again that being honest was best.

📲 Just feeling a little more lonely than usual.. Call me when you have a few minutes?

On the other side of the phone, hundreds of miles away, Hotch stood in a room full of his colleagues, his eyebrows drawn together. He was attempting to push past the guilt he felt in that moment; he knew you understood the job, the life he chose, but something he didn’t always acknowledge was the fact that when he was away, he was surrounded by his team every day. Meanwhile, you were usually left alone, especially when Jack wasn’t around so you could be each other’s emotional support buddies.

While all this was running though his mind, most everyone else had dispersed, leaving him and Morgan alone in the room. “Hotch,” Derek had clocked the sudden change in his demeanour, “everything okay?” he asked gently, nodding towards the phone in Aaron’s hand.

“Yeah, I.. I think so..” he hesitated before tucking his phone back into his pocket, “it’s Y/N.” Pausing once more, sliding a few papers into his briefcase before finally looking up at the man across the room, “why don’t you all take a quick break, you should get something to eat. We’ll meet back here in 15.” If you’d been there in person, he knew you would have said something about the fact that he should be eating, too. But right now all he cared about was making sure you were okay.

Derek simply nodded and turned to leave the conference room they’d set up in, before wrangling the rest of the team for a quick meal. Not wanting to disturb anyone, or have your call interrupted, Aaron made his way out of the room as well. It wasn’t long before he was climbing into the front seat of one of the black SUVs and dialling your number.

It had been only 3, maybe 4 minutes since you’d sent your last message when you heard your phone ring, his name lighting up the screen. You were quick to answer, “hi!” the relief in your voice evident.

A soft smile creased the corners of his eyes; he couldn’t deny how good it felt to hear your voice. “Hi sweetheart, everything okay?”

Your laugh was soft, as his soothing tone crept right through the phone and calmed every anxiety in your mind, “I think I just needed to hear your voice..”

His smile grew even wider, knowing he had the same affect on you. “Well I’m here now, alright? I’m right here,” his voice was low and comforting, “tell me about your day.”

A flustered smile graced your lips, it was the tiny moments like this that made you fall even deeper in love with him every day. As you filled him in on what you’d been up to that day, he absorbed it all; you were the sliver of light shining through the darkness of his day. If it was up to him, he’d sit right in that spot and keep you on the phone for the rest of the evening.

“Good, that’s good.” You could hear the smile on his face clear as day. “And how’s Jack?”

“Oh he’s doing great. I spoke to him this morning. He’s always happy to spend time with the puppy over at their house..”

As Aaron laughed, you couldn’t help but laugh right along with him. This had been a discussion between the three of you for quite some time now, and he was finally starting to come around. “I bet he’s having the time of his life,” he teased.

“It sure sounded like it,” you added playfully.

“So baby don't worry, I'm going to be fine. Touching myself in the night, while I’ve got you on my mind.”

There was a short pause before he spoke again, “and you? What’s going on in that beautiful head of yours?”

Your sigh was barely audible, but he could feel it in his chest, too. “I just.. miss you..”

His sigh matched yours, “I know, sweetheart, I miss you too. I’m sorry you were on your own all weekend.”

Shaking your head in an attempt to move past the longing you felt for him, you simply stated, “it’s okay, I’m okay. But I can’t wait for you to come home.”

He smiled quietly to himself, “I’ll be home before you know it.” He was trying to make you feel better, and you loved him for it, but both of you knew there was just no telling how long he’d be gone.

“Promise?” you whispered.

“Promise.” He smirked before continuing, “but until then.. are you..” he hesitated, heat rising in his cheeks before he even said the words out loud, “is my girl taking care of herself?”

You exhaled hard, his words catching you completely by surprise. It was almost as if he knew that’s why you’d texted in the first place, and he’d figured you were too reluctant to say anything. “I’m.. yes..” you admitted softly.

He chuckled, the arousal in your voice clear already. He just couldn’t help himself, “good girl.”

A deep groan formed in your throat, “oh Aaron.. I miss you so much..”

“I miss you too, sweetheart.. fuck, I wish I was there right now..” he admitted, that low voice of his gripping your chest.

“Yeah?” Your voice was shaky.

“Yes..” A stark contrast to the uneven tone of your voice, his was firm and unwavering. He knew he couldn’t get himself too worked up right now, not when he had to return to work in a mere 9 minutes. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t give you what you needed. “I wish I was there so I could kiss your neck, my hands on your back, pulling you close.”

You hummed contentedly, sensations slowly beginning to grow deep within you. As much as you wanted this, you knew he was at work, and you didn’t want to be a burden. “Where.. where are you right now?” you asked between deep breaths, “we can’t do this.. you’re working..”

“Don’t worry about that, sweetheart,” he cooed.

You tried your best to get your mind past the fact that he was technically on the clock right now, “but..”

He cut you off, “you trust me, right? Just let me take care of you.”

Another deep breath escaped your lungs, “okay..”

“Okay,” he repeated through a smile, before inquiring, “are you in our bedroom?”

You simply shook your head at first, momentarily forgetting that he couldn’t actually see that response. You finally replied, “the couch..” When you’d heard the phone ringing, you’d picked it up and quickly made your way to the living room, getting comfortable in your favourite spot on the couch.

“I think we can work with that.” You could hear the smirk in his voice, and you exhaled deep once more. “Lay back,” he could hear a faint shuffling over the phone, “and spread your legs for me.”

“Okay..” you moaned.

“You know I was thinking about you last night, it’s not the same without you here. But I'll be okay until you get home, beause I love the way you love me from afar.”

“That’s my good girl.” The smooth velvety tone of his voice sent chills down your spine. “When’s the last time you made yourself cum?” He wanted to hear all about it.

“Last night..” you confessed.

He smiled again, “ohhh, such a needy girl.”

“I couldn’t help it,” you whined, your hand finding it’s way between your legs, “I was thinking about you.”

Your words made pride well in his chest; even though he wasn’t there with you, he was still able to make you feel good. And he was going to prove that once more. “Oh yeah? And what was I doing?”

You moaned, “I was.. looking at that photo..”

That was as descriptive as your mind would allow you to be in that moment, but he still knew exactly what photo you were talking about. “Ahh yes.. You always look so pretty with my cum all over you.”

“Fuck..” You were already breathless, as the circles you were rubbing against your throbbing clit began increasing in speed.

He grinned once more, taking a moment to be silent and listen to the sounds of your heavy breathing; he wished he could be there with you so bad. “Put me on speaker, sweetheart.” Without hesitation, you had it switched to speaker phone and was resting it carefully on your chest.

“Diffеrent time zones, but he's still inside me. I’m never alone when I touch myself.”

Seconds later he spoke again, “you’re already touching yourself, aren’t you?”

Once again, you simply nodded, before admitting softly, “yes..”

“Good girl,” he smirked, “now I want you to use your other hand, and slide two fingers inside that beautiful pussy.”

“Okay..” you whined.

He was fighting as hard as he could to stay calm, and not let the arousal rushing through his veins get the better of him. Clearing his throat, he pushed through the tightness that gripped his chest.

“Oh fuck.. it feels so good..” Your voice was strained, and you unintentionally held your breath at the feeling.

“Imagine it’s my fingers, sweet girl, my cock, moving in and out of you, making you feel good.” He still spoke with that deep commanding voice, calm as ever.

“Always..” you admitted, “it’s always you.” It wasn’t long before you felt the knot in your stomach beginning to tighten. “Aaron I’m.. I’m going to cum..” you whined.

“Yeah, that’s it..” he sighed, “be a good girl and cum for me.”

His words of encouragement were all you needed, as your breath caught in your throat and you felt your body crest that wave. With a few shaky strokes of your fingers, you finally pulled them away and exhaled deep. With your chest rising and falling, your breathing heavy, you couldn’t form a single thought. You simply closed your eyes and allowed yourself to revel in the way your body immediately relaxed.

“That’s my girl.” He knew by the way your breathing hitched, and the sigh that rang in his ear, that you’d reached your climax; he’d heard that same rhythm of your body countless times before.

“I love you,” you laughed lightly, nothing but pure bliss clouding your mind. “Fuck, I love you so much.” You could hear his laugh over the phone, and a calm washed over you. Even when you weren’t together, your minds and bodies were still connected.

“I love you, too.” Glancing down at his watch, 3 minutes to go, he cleared his throat once more, “I’m so sorry, sweetheart, I have to get back to work. You’ll be okay until I get home?”

Still slightly out of breath, you spoke quietly, “I’ll be okay.”

“Good,” he smiled once more, “now get some rest. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“Okay,” you sighed, “goodnight, Aaron.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.” And with that, he finally hung up the phone, a smile lingering on his lips. With a deep breath in, he assessed himself, and after clearing his throat once more he was opening the door of the SUV and heading back into the building.

The second the door closed behind him, Morgan was at his side, “everything okay with Y/N?”

Hotch gave him a soft nod, “yes, nothing serious.”

Derek narrowed his eyes, unsure of what he was trying to hide, “you sure? You look a little flushed there boss man.”

Giving Morgan the side eye, he fought to keep the heat in his chest from rising any more, “Y/N is fine. Jack is fine.”

Derek opened his mouth to say something, trying to get enough of a reaction out of him so he could read him better, but Hotch cut him off, “Morgan?”

“Yeah?” He responded not-so-innocently.

“Drop it.” Hotch’s tone was firm but not angry, and Derek knew not to push it any farther. Simply throwing his hands up to indicate he understood, the two of them made their way back to the conference room to pick up where they’d left off.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

It was another 6 days before he’d finally told you he was on his way home to you and Jack, and the joy you both felt was palpable. When you got the call that they’d landed and he was on the way home, you both got everything ready.

A short 15 minutes later, you heard him pulling into the driveway and Jack started jumping up and down with excitement. “Okay buddy, grab your sign, quick!!” You’d helped him as he spent hours working on a sign that had ‘Welcome Home Daddy!!’ written in large print, decorated with stickers and glitter glue. At the bottom, right in the middle, were three stick figures, all labelled as ‘Mommy’, ‘Daddy’, and ‘me’, standing side by side holding hands.. with a puppy drawn beside them.

When you both heard his keys in the door, Jack stood right where you’d rehearsed, a firm grip on both sides of his sign. But that didn’t last long, because the second the front door was open, he was tossing the sign to the side and yelling, “Daddy!!” before bounding across the room towards Aaron.

Dropping everything where he stood, Aaron crouched down and spread his arms open to Jack, “hey little man! I’ve missed you! I love you so much!”

Jack giggled, “I love you, too, Daddy!”

As Jack filled him in on everything he’d missed over the last week and a half, you bent down and picked up the sign that had been tossed aside, knowing he’d want it back soon enough. You smiled softly to yourself, a warmth consuming you as you watched your favourite boys deep in conversation with each other. Every now and then, Aaron would look up at you, a smile creasing his eyes, and you couldn’t help but smile back.

Jack ended his excited rant with, “and then we made you a sign!..” he paused, “oh yeah! My sign!”

You and Aaron both laughed as you handed it to Jack and he turned to hold it up for Aaron to see. As his eyes skimmed over the lettering and he took it all in, he couldn’t help but smile at it all; yes, even at the little doodle of the puppy. “You made this just for me?!” Jack nodded his head furiously, and you heart swelled again as Aaron pulled him into another hug. “Thank you so much! I love it.”

“Mommy helped, too!” he beamed.

“Did she?” Aaron smiled up at you before looking back down at Jack, “well I guess I should probably thank her, too, don’t you think?”

Jack was nodding excitedly once again, as Aaron stood and made his way over to you. As he reached out, you eagerly wrapped your arms around his waist and pulled him close; the relief you felt in finally being able to hold him again was indescribable. As you rested your cheek against his chest, he held you tight with one hand on your lower back, the other carding through your hair gently.

Placing a tender kiss against the top of your head, he whispered a soft, “thank you,” against your hair, before dropping his head beside yours and sighing against your ear, “I love you.”

Catching him completely by surprise, you whispered quietly in his ear, “you can thank me later..” before you pulled back from his embrace nonchalantly, gazing up at him, “I love you, too, Aaron. Welcome home.”

A slight blush rose in his cheeks, and you smiled internally at how his pupils dilated. He just couldn’t help himself, as he leaned forward and placed a tender kiss to your lips. That’s when you both heard Jack immediately speak up with a playful, “ewwww gross!”

Laughing against his lips, you gave him one final peck before you both looked over and Jack. With both of you reaching an arm out to him, he raced towards you and wrapped each of his arms around your legs.

All three of you spent the evening curled up on the couch, enjoying snacks, and watching a movie of Jack’s choosing. He’d picked it out a few days earlier and had been dying for his dad to come home so you could all watch it together. It wasn’t long before you were listening to Aaron read Jack a bedtime story, before putting him to bed.

Before you knew it, you and Aaron were finally alone in your bedroom. Things started out rather innocent, with a few passionate kisses being shared as you both finished your night time routines. That’s how you’d found yourself here, standing in front of your dresser, a full length mirror just off to the side, as you took your earrings out and placed them on your jewelry tray.

Glancing to the side, you saw him in nothing but his boxers, the exhaustion on his face clear as day. You immediately felt a pang of regret at your suggestive comment about thanking you later. Even though you desperately wanted him, needed him, maybe he didn’t have it in him tonight. Truth be told, you were okay with simply curling up in bed together if he needed his rest.

As he took in the glorious sight of you in your favourite sleep set, he slowly made his way behind you. Gently grasping your hips, he placed a tender kiss against the back of your head. “I missed you so much.”

You melted into his touch, immediately resting your head back against his shoulder, “I missed you, too.”

He didn’t hesitate, dropping his head beside yours and placing tender kisses against the soft skin of your neck. You lifted a hand to caress the side of his face, before reaching farther and running your fingers through his hair. It wasn’t long before his kisses got more feverish, and his hands wrapped farther around your body.

“I can't wait for the way he puts it down. He’s so profound, the way he gets me going.”

“Aaron..” you whimpered, and he simply hummed in response. “We don’t have to tonight, if you don’t want to..” his large palms ran along the outside of your tank top. “You just got home.. if you need your sleep that’s okay.”

He brought his hands up to cup your breasts through the thin material. “No.. what I need is my wife.”

A soft moan escaped your lips, and you could feel him smile against your neck. “Okay,” you sighed.

As your body relaxed, you found yourself slowly moving your hips, grinding your backside against him, eliciting a groan from him. Seconds later he was shuffling to the side, and encouraging you to follow suit, until you were both standing in front of the full length mirror.

“The only thing that’s kept me sane this past week is knowing I was one step closer to coming home to you.” A deep sigh escaped your lips at his confession. He never talked about work, at least not in detail. You could only imagine the horrors he had to face on a daily basis. If he wanted to unwind, and needed you to help him do so, who were you to complain?

His cheek was now resting against the side of your head, as you both gazed at each other in the mirror. You used this opportunity to reassure him, “I’m right here,” as you placed your hands overtop of his that were still cupping your breasts, and squeezed gently. The smile that spread across his face made your heart flutter.

With one of his hands staying put, he slowly trailed his other palm down your body. You reached both of your hands behind you and pulled his hips even closer to yours, and could feel his excitement against your backside. He dropped his hand even farther and began massaging your core through your shorts. Releasing the air from your lungs slowly, your eyes drifted shut as you took in the feeling of finally having his hands on you once again.

It wasn’t long before he was sliding one foot between yours, hooking the inside of your ankle and pulling your legs apart for him. Almost simultaneously, he slipped his hand under the waistband of your shorts and underwear, gently running his fingertips along your folds. “You’re already so wet, sweetheart.”

Smiling, you hummed softly as you finally opened your eyes, “I told you I missed you.” The lust in his eyes was evident, as he finally made direct contact with your clit, causing you to gasp. Your breathing grew heavier and heavier by the second, and you found yourself unable to keep your eyes open yet again.

His eyes trailed across your body; the way your back arched, pushing your ass even closer to him, the way your hands grasped each of his arms, your fingertips digging into his flesh, and the way your head tipped back and your mouth dropped open in pleasure. He could watch you all day. You were gorgeous. You were sexy. You were captivating. To him, you were the definition of perfection.

Placing more kisses along your neck, he whispered against your skin, “open your eyes. Look how stunning you are.”

You responded immediately, lifting your heavy lids to trail your eyes along your body the way he had moments earlier. You however, were more focused on him; the way his hand moved effortlessly beneath the material, the muscles in his arm on display with every movement, and the way his chin rested perfectly on your shoulder, as he whispered sweet nothings in your ear.

“Feels.. so good..” you mumbled.

“Yeah?” he cooed, and you nodded enthusiastically, simply humming in response. “Does my girl want more?”

“Fuck.. please..” you moaned.

The smirk on his face was almost enough to do you in, as he reached his hand even farther down and slipped two fingers inside you with ease. The gasp that escaped your lips caused that smirk of his to spread even farther across his face, as you melted under his touch.

With a curling motion of his fingers, the palm of his hand resting right against your swollen bud, he started working you closer and closer to the edge. Grabbing hold of his hand that was still on your breasts, you slowly moved it farther up. He took the hint enthusiastically, as he carefully gripped your throat in his large hand, both of you revelling in the possessive feel of it; you were his and his alone.

“I can feel you, sweetheart,” he hummed against the side of your head, “you’re close aren’t you?”

“Yes.. fuck..” you moaned, “don’t stop.. you’re going to make me cum.”

His smile grew, as he continued with those same movements of his fingers deep within you, and before you knew it, you felt your body shiver as pleasure washed over you. Your knees shook, and your hips writhed under his touch, grinding your body into his once more. He could tell when enough was enough, because your whole body shuddered and a sharp exhale graced your lips.

“That’s my good girl.” Carefully pulling his fingers out from the material, he wrapped his arms around your waist and held you close, giving you all the support you needed as your body recovered. “Such a good girl.” He trailed tender kisses along the side of your neck, and across the top of your shoulder.

“I've got a man, but he's always out of town, I don't mind tho 'cause the pipe be good as fuck when he comes home.”

Opening your eyes slowly, your heart swelled as you watched him peppering your skin with gentle kisses. After soaking it all in for a little longer, you finally turned around in his embrace and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling his lips to yours passionately. As his skillful tongue slipped past your lips, you let out a gentle groan, with one of your hands finding it’s way into his hair.

Your other hand slowly trailed down the front of his body, your palm brushing against the exposed skin of his chest, before slipping under the waistband of his boxers and wrapping your fingers around his hard length. He exhaled deep against your lips, pulling away slightly to rest his forehead against yours, getting lost in the feeling of your hand finally around him again.

With a slow up and down movement, you took pleasure in the soft grunts that filled your ears, causing the aching between your legs to build once more. “I need you inside me..” your voice was desperate.

He didn’t hesitate, gently grasping your wrist and pulling your hand off him. Breaking away from you, he swiftly made sure the handle on the bedroom door was locked; if Jack got out of bed, you both wanted to avoid the situation you’d been in a few months back when he’d almost walked in on you two. Thankfully Aaron’s spider-like senses had picked up on the tiny footsteps making their way down the hallway before it was too late.

When he turned back around, he saw you already sitting with your legs crossed in the middle of the bed, condom in hand, as you slowly tore the package open. He couldn’t help the smile that formed on his lips, soon spreading across his entire face, the love he felt for you was indescribable. Discarding his boxers, he finally climbed onto the bed with you, sitting back on his heels.

His length stood at attention, as you tossed the foil to the side, before reaching forward and placing the condom on his tip, rolling it down his length. You purposefully took your time, gazing up at him and grinning proudly at the way his head tipped back and his jaw clenched. With your fingers still wrapped around him, you began moving your hand up and down once more, as you shifted so you were also kneeling.

His hands immediately found their way to your hips, as you began placing tender kisses across his chest from one shoulder to the other. You stroked his length a few more times before letting go, as you reached for the hem of your tank top and pulled it over your head. The second it was out of the way, his palms were sliding along your body, until he was cupping your breasts, twirling your nipples gently between his fingers. Your back arched, as you hooked your thumbs in the waistband of your shorts and underwear, shuffling on your knees to allow yourself to pull them off.

Tossing them to the side, both of you now completely exposed to one another, your lips connected passionately. Slipping one hand around your back, he leaned forward and encouraged you to relax against the mattress. You eagerly accepted his assistance, laying back and wrapping your legs around his waist, pulling him impossibly close.

Placing one final kiss against your lips, he reached one hand down between your bodies, running his length through your wet folds. You both shivered at the feeling, knowing you’d both been starved and longing for this contact between you for too long. He looked back into your eyes, and you knew he was asking permission, as you nodded your head gently and he finally pushed his hips forward, filling you in a matter of seconds.

A low and breathy, “fuck,” escaped his lips, causing you to exhale deep, your body relaxing completely. He dropped his head beside yours, trailing sloppy kisses along your neck, as he began rocking his hips back and forth. The feeling was euphoric, the weight of his body on yours, his hot breath on your neck, and his pelvis rubbing perfectly against your clit.

The next thing you knew, he was hooking his arms under your legs effortlessly, pressing your knees against your chest, with your ankles over his shoulders. You gazed up at him, and with your eyes locked on his, he slowly bottomed out once more. Your breath escaped your lungs completely, as you whimpered, “Aaron..” and your eyes squeezed shut; the pleasure overwhelmed you.

This had quickly become one of your favourite positions. With you this spread open for him, both of you found yourselves unable to contain just how extraordinary it felt, and how deep he reached. You whimpered once again, as he slowly began moving in and out, and inch at a time.

“Fuck I missed you..” he breathed out heavy, one of his hands cupping the side of your face, “you feel so damn good..” With each long pull of his length out of your tight walls, he ran his thumb lovingly across your face.

Your eyes slowly opened, and you were met with the most beautiful sight, his face only inches away from yours, his eyebrows drawn together in ecstasy. It wasn’t long before he was also gazing down at you, gauging your reaction as he began picking up speed. The faster he moved, the closer your body got to reaching that peak. “Oh shit, oh fuck, you’re so deep.. Aaron, I can feel you everywhere..”

Your words caused a grin to spread across his face, one that completely captivated you, setting your nerve endings on fire. As your body began reacting to the overwhelming sensations, he could feel your walls clenching around him, “yeah, there you go. That’s my girl.” Your eyes flickered shut, as you focused on the feeling consuming your senses, peppered with his words of praise ringing in your ears. “Are you going to be a good girl cum for me, sweetheart?” He already knew the answer, but he wanted to hear you say it.

Nodding your head feverishly, a strangled, “yes.. fuck.. please don’t stop..”

Another smile pulled at the corners of his lips, clearly pleased with your answer. He took instruction well, not stopping until you’d had more than enough. You’d hardly had the chance to breath out a few strangled words, “I’m.. I’m going to cum..” when the dam finally broke. You felt a blissful fog cloud your mind, as he continued with the long drags of his hard length in and out of your now throbbing walls.

As he spoke, “good girl, you’re squeezing me so tight," your breathing caught in your throat. He still hadn’t stopped, wanting to draw out every ounce of pleasure he could for you. But when you’d finally reached the point of enough, you grasped his hips and pulled his body close to yours, holding him still.

Your legs trembled on either side of his head, as your lips parted and your eyes flickered shut. Breathing deep, you allowed yourself to simply enjoy how it felt finally being intimate with your husband, the love of your life, your person, once again. It didn’t matter how many times you felt him this close to you, you never took it for granted.

Slowly opening your eyes, you were greeted with a warm smile from him, as he placed tender kisses against the inside of your knee. His hand ran along your thigh, softly caressing your skin, eventually he looked back at you and spoke softly, “you’re okay, sweetheart?”

Your heart swelled, because as much as he was checking in on you, he was simultaneously asking if you were ready for more. With a deep exhale, you admitted, “yes.. more, please..”

He couldn’t help but smile at your eagerness, as he placed a gentle kiss to your forehead before finally moving his hips again. With every long stroke of his hard length between your walls, you felt his tip reaching the deepest parts of you, over and over and over again. Before you knew what hit you, that telltale sensation was back, and you felt the tension in your body snap.

After giving your body some time to recover, he did as he had minutes earlier, and asked if you still had more in you, to which you eagerly confirmed you did. As he began rocking his hips back and forth, every thrust pushed you closer and closer to the brink. And in a matter of seconds, he had you coming undone around him once more.

“Fuuuuuck, Aaron,” you whimpered, utterly breathless as your fourth orgasm gripped your body.

With those same tender kisses being placed against the inside of your knee, he caressed the side of your face as you came down from your high. “Shhhh, shh shh, there you go,” he cooed, “such a good girl. My good girl.”

As you let out another deep exhale, you smiled up at him blissfully, your eyelids heavy under the weight of the pleasure still coursing through your veins. You mumbled, “can you.. I want you to hold me..”

He brushed a few stray hairs out of your face, and spoke through a gentle smile, “okay.” Carefully pulling out of you, he helped you rest your legs against the mattress, before you rolled onto your side.

Adjusting himself, he found his way behind you, as he tucked one arm under you, and wrapping it around the front of your body. Using his free hand, he grabbed hold of himself and carefully searched for your entrance, before slowly pushing himself inside you once more. The quiet moan that escaped your lips brought a smile to his face, as he finally bottomed out. Placing a loving kiss against your shoulder, he grasped your hip, his fingertips digging into your soft skin, and began moving his hips against yours.

Nothing quite compared to feeling him inside you like this; the same way you curled up in bed together most nights, his tall frame encompassing you from behind, only now you were on the brink of yet another orgasm. Wrapping your arms around yourself, overtop of his arm, you slid one hand along the back of his, tucking your fingers between his, and squeezing tight.

It wasn’t long before he felt his body reaching the point of release, but he just needed you to get there one more time. Sliding his hand from your hip, around the front of your body, he nuzzled his fingers between your legs and began rubbing circles against your clit.

With his warm breath on your neck, his words of encouragement in your ear, you finally felt your body reaching the tipping point. “Ohhh yeah, just like that..” you moaned, “Aaron, you’re going to make me cum again.”

You could hear the smile in his voice, “good girl,” as he placed another kiss against your shoulder, “I’m close, too. Cum for me sweetheart.”

That was all it took, as your body summited that peak for the fifth time. With your legs shaking, and your body squeezing him tight, he held you even closer. With a few final shaky thrusts, he rested his forehead against the back of your head, and soft grunts filled your ears as he spilled himself inside the condom.

As you both caught your breath, he placed more tender kisses across your back, and against the side of your neck. “I love you so much,” he whispered.

You smiled softly, wrapping your arms even tighter around yourself, “I love you more.”

You heard a soft laugh from him, as he placed one more kiss against the back of your head, and slowly pulled himself out of you. You didn’t waste any time, rolling over to face him, and capturing his lips with your passionately. He responded just as eagerly, his tongue skillfully slipping past your lips, causing a soft groan to rumble in your chest.

Finally breaking away from the kiss, he asked through a cheeky smile, “was that a sufficient thank you?”

Letting out an airy laugh, you shook your head teasingly,“I guess it’ll have to do,” before pressing your lips to his once more. You could feel his smile against your lips, and you spoke softly once more, “I’m so happy you’re home.”

Brushing a few stray hairs out of your face, he cupped your cheek in his warm palm and kissed your nose gently, “I know, sweetheart,” another soft peck against your lips, “I am too.”

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Tag List: @ssamorganhotchner ; @ccristata ; @anlin2058 ; @sannunah28 ; @hotchgirlsummer ; @mesnyder ; @red-red-rogue ; @chibsytelford ; @hannahufflepuff

[star-girl69]

My Heart Never Knows

Jake Sully x Neytiri x Fem!Reader

—-

a/n: if anyone was curious, you can find all of the headcannons i’ve posted about so far linked in the series masterlist! i hope you all enjoy this chapter!!

warnings: animal death, mentions of violence, mentions of war, mentions of death, tell me if i missed anything!!

Chapter Seventeen- Death Will Come

—-

As soon as you see him, you know nothing good will come of his visit.

He slows his walk, eyes boring into the three of you, a silent message.

You had just been laughing a moment ago- hand on your throat, on your necklace. Now, you follow Jake and Neytiri outside of the mauri, into the rain, which somehow seems to reflect this day.

“What’s wrong?” Jake asks, although the three of you already know the answer.

“Sky people. They are looking for you, Jake Sully. And your family.” Neytiri’s hand closes around your wrist. “South,” he points. “They have a foreign boy, who speaks Na’vi.”

Kiri had spoken of the human boy, Spider. You thought it odd that someone who be named after a creature like that, but who were you to judge? You knew he had been taken by the people hunting Jake- a man named Quaritch.

Neytiri said he doesn’t know you. He won’t hurt you. But you still have a feeling that he will. Men like that- all they do is hurt and take.

“Have they killed anyone?”

“Not yet.”

Jake lowers his head, looks back to you and Neytiri. His eyes linger on your intwined hands, on the necklace high on your throat.

“But the villagers will not tell them where you are. By my order.”

Jake nods, and you lower your eyes.

“Your family and my family overlap, Jake Sully. The Metakayina will fight for my sister, for you.” His eyes meet yours, and there is no warmth in his face, not how it usually is. “I hope you know what you are doing.”

—-

The sound of Neytiri’s knife scraping against wood is loud, her anger boiling over, being poured into a piece of fruit.

You are silent, across from her. You have barely know happiness like this- and it is falling apart around you, yet again.

Neytiri inhales. “We must hunt this demon. Trap him. Kill him.” Her voice is rough with the conviction in her words, the emotion spilling over. It is almost like her words are knives- and they will soar through the air, find the demon, and kill him.

“We’ve gotta be smart-” Jake says, but is cut off the look Neytiri gives him. “We gotta be smart. If we hit Quaritch, they’re gonna know where we are and they’re gonna come here with everything they got.”

Neytiri’s breaths are erratic and loud, and when you put your hand on her arm, she is shaking.

“Then what is our plan?”

But when he stays silent, you know he does not have one. None of you do.

—-

“Her name,” Ronal says, but you can barely hear her through the grief you feel- tumbling in your ears, swirling in your chest, ripping out your ribs- her voice is hazy, removed. “is Ay’a.”

The only sound is the waves slapping against your spirit sisters dead body. She was a part of you, a piece of your heart, a whisper in your bones, in your blood, something the Sky People will never understand.

And her baby- her sweet, innocent boy, who had not even lived yet, was just as much a part of you.

Your ilu is slow through the water, but you cannot believe the sight in front of you, so you push off it and tug yourself onto her fin.

Her eyes are rolled back into her head, and she is unmoving. When you place your hand next to her eye- she is cold and clammy.

You find your voice through the sadness curling in your throat, like a hand wrapped around you.

“She- she wrote poetry,” you choke out. “She loved music, we would sing together, she- she waited for so long to have her baby,“ you inhale, wildly, recklessly, as if the air is poison and will take you away from this cruel reality. “Now she is gone!”

Tears fall down your face, and you heart feels so empty, a piece of it gone, never to be filled again.

You hate the Sky People. You curse them. You have never been a violent person- but you want to rip them apart, feel their blood on your hands. They took away what was most dear to you- they will pay.

But, for now, you are only consumed by sadness. By the emptiness in your heart. You let out a sob, a scream.

“What is this?” you ask, turning towards your sister and her mate, Jake and Neytiri, people who you care for but not in the way you do your soul sister. “What is this?!”

—-

“A tulkun! A sister to my sister, has been murdered by the Sky People. Her baby- only a calf- dead in the water next to her!”

“Y/N…” Kiri whispers, grabbing your hands. You hear her voice, but you cannot see her, eyes filled with tears.

“This war has come to us!” Tonowari continues, and you rest your head on Kiri’s shoulder, to broken to stand, your weight too much to hold.

“Aunt Y/N!” Tsireya shouts, and she is crying as well, hands on your back and shoulders, everywhere, but you cannot look up.

“We knew about the hunting of our tulkun people but it was over the horizon- far away! Now it is here!”

You can hear the sound of your people hissing, their war cries, spears hitting the ground.

“You have to understand how the Sky People think!” Jake shouts.

You tear yourself away from Kiri and Tsireya, weakly hitting Jake’s wet chest with you fist, and he only grabs your balled up hand in his own.

“Y/N, babygirl,”

“No! You do not- My sister is dead! And they will kill more- we have to- have to-”

“Listen to her, Jake Sully,” Ronal hisses, even as you tear yourself away from him and put your hands over your face.

“The Sky People don’t care about the great balance!

“Listen! Listen to him!”

“The Sky People are not gonna stop. This is only the beginning. You’ve gotta tell your Tulkuns to leave. You gotta tell them to go far away!”

You take your hands off of your face, resting limply at your sides. Your eyes are red and puffy, tears pouring down your face, rainwater slick on your body.

You are despondent, broken.

Jake’s eyes fall to you, just as arms wrap around you, press your head to their chest.

“Kisre,” you breathe, and she shushes you, and you can feel how hot her skin is, how angry she is.

“Leave?” Ronal shouts. “You live among us, and you learned nothing!”

“We will fight to protect our brothers and sisters!” a man behind her shouts, battle armor already donned, hands in the air. Your people erupt in battle cries again, and you feel Kisre’s deep in her chest below you.

“If you attack, if you fight, then they will destroy you! They will destroy everything that you love!”

His hands are wild, voice loud enough that even from where you are- it is like he is right next to you. You watch as Ronal places a hand over her stomach.

“Hear my words! Hear my words!”

“Y/N. Y/N, my Y/N,” Neytiri whispers, and Kisre let’s her hands fall, let’s Neytiri take you into her arms.

The small space is full of battle cries and pleading to stop, full of your cries and the sound of Neytiri saying your name over and over again, trying to bring you back down to her.

You watch as Jake climbs to the top of where Ronal and Tonowari were elevated above everyone, holding something bright orange, something that had been in your spirit sister. A tracker, Jake had said on the ride back, while you fell apart in his arms.

He told you that he never wanted you to feel like this.

The crowd quiets, and you lift your head from Neytiri’s chest.

“You tell the tulkuns, that if they’re hit by one of these, they are marked for death. Call for me and I’ll silence it. Saving their lives, that’s all the matters, right? Saving your family.”

When you look to her, Ronal’s eyes are already on you. She grabs Tonowari’s hand, but she still looks at you.

“Tell the tulkun,” her mate whispers.

She tears her eyes away from you. “Go. Go!” she shouts, and then they are diving into the ocean, swimming off.

Her eyes meet yours again- but she is coming closer, crossing the room to you. You stand straight, let Neytiri’s hands fall off of you.

She grabs your face roughly, tugging you towards her.

“You are my sister,” she bites out. “You are mine to protect. And now, you are theirs as well. The only thing that matters is that you are safe. Safe, and happy.” Tears roll down her face, and she presses her forehead to yours. “I’m sorry, baby sister. I’m sorry.”

You place your hands around her wrists, holding her to you.

“I love you,” she says, through her tears, through her sorrow. She has known Ay’a ever since you have- just like you have known her spirit sister all your life.

“I love you,” you say back, and your tears clear, and a resilience fills you.

—-

“We must fight,” you say to Jake, and he only keeps walking, and you hear Neytiri hiss next to you.

“Jake,” she sneers, grabbing his arm and stopping him. “My Jake. I will not stand and do nothing.”

He bites his cheek, before leaning down close to the two of you.

“It’s a trap, they want us to hit back,” he hisses. “They’re not hunting tulkun. They’re hunting us.”

You want to stomp your feet like a child. You want to scream and shout, to make the entire world know your rage.

Instead, you raise your hand to Jake, flicking your fingers out and hissing. He only takes it in stride.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m so fucking sorry. It’s because of me this happened.” He grabs your hand, pulling you to him, the other one reach up to touch your neck, touch your necklace. “Let me fix it.”

—-

Jake and Neytiri had insisted you go home while they talk to Ronal and Tonowari about more protection for the village. You couldn’t find it in yourself to be angry.

You need to rest, to cry, to sleep and forget for just one moment.

The walk is silent, until you hear the sound of Neteyam and Lo’ak fighting.

“He’s my brother! I’m going,” Lo’ak shouts, moving to grab an ilu saddle before Neteyam reaches an arm out.

“Hey!” you shout, running over. “What- what is happening?”

“I’m going to tell Payakan.” Lo’ak tone brokers no room for argument.

“It is dangerous,” you hiss. “You cannot go, Lo’ak.”

He stares at you for a moment, hand on the saddle hanging down.

“I thought you would understand,” he whispers, broken.

“Of course I understand,” you hiss, almost angry with him for forgetting what you have loved, what you have lost.

But you remember he is only scared, he is only a storm, he is only like you.

You let out half-hiss half-grown, grabbing a saddle and calling and ilu.

You feel the eyes of the two brothers on you.

“Y/N? What are you doing?” Neteyam asks, putting a hand on your arm to stop you.

“Helping him,” you whisper, and his eyes widen before he pulls back, your ilu coming and you skipping the saddle on him. Lo’ak saddles his own. “You should stay. Let me do it.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” he says, and you sigh harshly.

“Stay!” you shout to Neteyam, who shakes his head, takes another step forward. “And don’t tell your parents!”

“Lo’ak!” Tsireya shouts, Ao’nung and Roxto behind her, climbing off of their ilu’s and onto the woven dock.

“Stay, stay!” you hiss at them, dropping down onto your ilu.

Neteyam growls as you turn, diving into the water.

You hear splashes after you surface, and when you look behind you, the dock is empty. They surface soon after, and you sigh and look forward again.

Death is on the horizon.

—-

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