#WHY CAN'T THE LIGHT NOVELS BE TRANSLATED?

[thatdeadaquarius]

About your language brainrot. I see your "Reader's writing can't match tyvat's long and flowery writing" and bring you "Tyvat isn't used to books over 50 pages long so a short story to the Reader is a whole dictionary to tyvat readers".

Seriously, have you seen how thin the books are? They don't wrote novels, they write short chapters formatted in the way really old stories are. As in, summarizing all the events down into one smooth story then adding a few quotes. Fanfiction writers are insane. They will willingly sit down and write hundreds of words at a time. To them, a proper modern day story of maybe, oh 10k words or so, would probably be like the Oddessy itself.

If we were to combine the two headcanons. It would end up as many historians being intimidated by this insanely long written scripture in the language of the forgotten.

I'm going to take this a step further and say that if the creator asked some people to proofread their things, it would establish a hiarchy of who is able to actually finish the book the creator read and who isn't.

NOW THIS, THIS IS MY FUCKING JAMMMM

I'm so sorry this is so old!! u probably all know this by this point that I've really slowed down as the year has gone on, but I graduated university and then got my first job so its been pretty crazy!

Sun: Reader (you/they/them)

Orbit: Headcanons-ish

Stars: dash of all the book/nerds of Genshin, heavy on Sumeru?

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: Cussing, 16+ Mature Audiences, Spoliers for Sumeru Archon Quests/Scaramouche, & Trigger Warnings: mention of shipping/characters shipping themselves with you.

Comment if any missed, please.

☆

FULL STOP.

THE AKADEMIYA, FONTAINE RESEARCH INSTITUTE, HAVE BEEN WAITTTINNGGGG ON YOUR ASS LMAO

You fall from the fucking sky like a 5 star, or pop out of the Irminsul or whatever

and immediately are mobbed by scholars. LMAO jkjk (not really, bc that's what it’d feel like)

can you even imagine the dread older stories(”the classics” to them), that was instilled in the poor students around Teyvat??

id like to think ur works are the most preserved over the thousands of years of Teyvat archeologists excavating them, in comparison to other authors (teyvat just likes you more, suck it William Shakespeare)

also, bc I cant resist language differences/world building I'm sorryyyy 😭 😭

the vocab of Genshin lang vs. ours, has significantly less vocabulary like their actual dictionary is 1/3 the size of ours type of energy

(Omfg all ur fanfics being considered like insanely long realistic romantic classics or tragedies like Jane Austen-level, and only the richest and biggest play companies put on plays about ur stories bc the script goes on for hours)

(ur plays only get put on for rlly big events bc of this, like Lantern Rite or like a Summer/Winter festival/your birthday, which is, yes, an international holiday)

dude the sheer power move of anything you’ve written being essentially “Journey of the West” to them, like Damnnn.

endless like adaptations, plays, Teyvat-short stories condensing it, (THEIR OWN FANFICTION ABOUT UR STORIES)

the power is, in fact, going to your head every time another scholar both deflates at how long ur stuff is, but also lights up bc they get to read it

speaking of scholars… you know who snatched you up first. you know. you don’t even need to read the next line.

Alhaitham.

sneaky bastard he is, absolutely manipulated, mansplained (and manwhored bc he knows he’s handsome, cheeky little shit) his way into getting you to sit down with him and interview you about both translating other classics, your own, giving your own analysis of others works and ur own, and picking ur brain apart of how/why you wrote urs, etc. its fucking endless,

Kaveh had to come rescue you bc u were starving to death after getting stuck with the Haravatat scholar in his office for nearly 7 hours of interrogation discussion about literature

and Alhaitham wasn't even nearly done, he’d informed you as you left that he already had another appointment for later conversation scheduled (how?? you don't even know ur own schedule??? you have a schedule???) and was looking forward to more of your “creative and enlightening input” :)))

(you’re never going to escape him, not even Nahida herself can save you from his stubborn ass)

On another note, Xingqiu is quaking when you agree to autograph his copy of your stories (of which he has all hard covers of the first edition translations)

Zhongli/Rex Lapis is known for having a near-lifelong passion for searching for your works specifically, and learning how to translate them better into Teyvatian vernacular

like the same way he can absolutely speak on Rex Lapis facts/rocks/adepti info, is the same confidence he speaks about knowing ur work lol

(yes he did also ask for several autographs and another sit-down talk about the works, tho a lot more sneaky then Alhaitham bc he just casually gets u guys into it during dinner)

Barbatos/Venti has written some of the most famous songs based on your stuff, he has his favorites too,

but he always claims the best songs are any that have been written in the story, like either when a character sings something, or there are like quotes from songs ur fanfics are based on lol

(he also demanded to hear what they actually sound like from you, yes, you have to sing them for him lol)

Venti also can surprisingly drunkenly ramble the entirety of at least one of ur stories, like, word for word lmao

(Diluc gave in and did give him a drink on the house for that one, just once, Venti doesn’t remember it lol)

(I forgot to mention, u guys still speak the same language, just like, different versions of it)

ur works being one of the few things all the Archons can freely talk about with each other, like it’s neutral ground bc they’re all fangirling about it lmao

Furina and Neuvillette have had like,, fierce debates over the decades about character dynamics and the general drama of ur stories, they’ve gotten into it enough they’ve stopped talking to each other for a couple days a few times lol

Albedo, Sucrose, Kokomi, Yae Miko, Ei, Raiden, have read every single work they’re gotten their hands on in Teyvat (it took them like a literal year or longer)

Albedo drew you fanart for every single story, bc he’s hyperfixated on everything related to you ngl,

Kokomi had commissioned smaller pocket versions of ur works (which later got popular thanks to Yae Miko) both the OG and the Teyvat shortened versions

THE HARBINGERS ARE THE MOST DOWN BAD LMAO

Childe has literally tried to recreate battle scenes from ur works lmao

and gets especially riled up about fighting someone who resembles any characters from them (esp villains, what a cutie)

You cannot fathom the amount of research throughout Teyvat that has been secretly or indirectly funded by Pantalone/Tsaritsa

from the experts to analyze them, to funding play companies to act them out, to actually excavating places to get more of ur stuff unearthed

(the Harbingers absolutely are the first group of people that got to read several of ur stories first bc of this, like the world’s most exclusive secret book club lol)

Scaramouche used to clown on Childe all the time about how he was too impatient to even “sit down and read the King’s classics”, and he was downright insufferable when he found out about Tartaglia’s habit of recreating battle scenes/that being what motivated him to fight sometimes lol

that being said, Wanderer surprisingly never forgot ur stories.

Even when his memories were wiped for a bit, he found comfort in these fantastical epics still sticking around, even when his old names did not

(he mayyyy or mayyy nottt have secretly namedhimselfafteroneofthetragicprotagonistsherelatesto- )

oh btw, Nahida also found joy and comfort in ur stories when she was trapped, they also helped her literally grow as a person bc she had ur stories to help her sort of process the world/what life was like outside of her dreaming prison 🥺💔❤️‍🩹

◇

OMFG

ANYWAY FULL TONE SHIFT LMFAO-

the ABSOLUTE SPIRAL-RED-STRING-CONSPIRACY-THEORY-BOARD ENERGY IF THIS WAS A BLUNT LANGUAGE AU LMAOOOO

like specifically how Teyvatians like to give all the context ever thru their words, but older deities/beings like you just do simple phrases that can have deeper meanings (whereas teyvat just explains all the meanings behind their words)

STOP there’s like an official display at the Akademiya and Fontaine Institute of red string theory boards 😭😭 (look what you’ve done to themmm LMAO)

for like every story of urs, INCLUDING THE FANFICS STOP

IMAGINE THE SHIPPING WARS IF U EVER WROTE ONE THAT WASNT EXPLICIT OR LIKE ONE OF THE MAIN ROMANTIC INTERESTS HAD CHEMISTRY WITH OTHER CHARACTERS HAHAHAHAA

that's actually what Akademiya scholars argue about the most viciously, it’s like politics you can’t just bring up ships from ur stories casually in regular convos 💀

(poor Cyno has to deal with a shipping war once a year bc someone always makes the mistake of reading ur work for the first time (without being told to not talk to others abt ships lol) and it starts an all out brawl in the cafeteria every time LMAO)

Also yes.

Cyno is a fanboy.

(he has read Creator x Reader-insert fanfiction.)

(As have most of the characters mentioned, and those not lol)

…

(I'm gonna make a whole Creator x reader fanfic post one day i stg lmao)

☆

an iced coffee? for me?? :0

ok but real talk…

wtf do you guys wanna see for new years!!

i didn't do a inktober/october days thingy bc i felt too unprepared (and bc id wanted to post that 1000+ followers eldritch au for Halloween)

but now i kinda wanna, at least for a few days :o

ill post a poll in a minute, so check it out!! but still, please feel free to comment some ideas here! :)

Safe Travels Deafening Dreamer,

💀♒

If you wanna join a taglist, DM me what for! "Pspspsss, please tag me for [All SAGAU posts, Only SAGAU Language AUs, diff fandom, etc.]!"

(If you ever wanna drop, just DM me! "No more taglists/[specifically this AU/fandom] please!")

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche / @chocogi / @fallen-starr / @areaderofbooks / @devilangel657 / @esthelily

[cosmicatta]

One Piece Novel: Law — a short analysis

So, after a long time trying to get my hands on the Law light novel, I was finally able to read it recently! And, because I'm an obnoxiously intense person who can't just be normal about things, I found myself taking notes about everything I judged interesting.

And I thought I could share! So here's a mostly improvised essay about the Law novel, how it portrays Law and what it reveals about him as a character.

Some notes before I start:

The edition I've read of this novel is the official Spanish translation by Planeta. When quoting and mentioning numbered pages, I'm referencing that edition.

I originally posted this on Twitter as a thread! If it sounds familiar, that might be why.

For those who haven't read the novel and might want to: be mindful of some trigger warnings, including gruesome medical descriptions, suicidal thoughts, mentions of abuse, and violence in general (I won't be touching on these subjects here though).

These are just my personal impressions, I'm not trying to tell anyone how they should interpret the novel or Law's character. I'm just doing this for fun!

The story takes place right after Cora dies, following young Law's journey as he makes it to Swallow Island and desperately tries to survive. There, he will meet Bepo, Penguin and Shachi, as well as Wolf, a novel-exclusive character that welcomes Law and the boys into his home as a family.

Overall, it's a very short read, agile and straightforward. The style is very juvenile, but that was to be expected, and I'd say it does a pretty good job at capturing the feeling of watching a One Piece episode. The novel does kinda feel like a mini arc.

I'm unsure if light novels can be considered 100% canon in general, but since the contents don't contradict anything from what we've already seen in the manga/anime, I'm going to assume we can at least take the events described in this one as canon.

But I'll leave the plot aside a little bit to focus more on Law's psyche, analyzing everything in the novel as material that helps us further understand him.

The entire book (save from a few specific passages) is written from Law's point of view and in first person, so it offers a more in-depth look at his way of thinking, motivations and ideals.

What I find most interesting in this sense is that the whole story is very centered around Law's kindness. Though he does admit several times that he had wanted to see the world burn when he was under Doflamingo's care (as we already know from the source material), the novel makes it very obvious that Law's true nature is compassionate. His inner voice even explicitly states that he enjoys helping and making others happy. (Quotes roughly translated from Spanish):

P. 27: "And I felt very comfortable collaborating with the task of helping others."

P. 92: "Knowing that I was going to free a person from their pain [...] gave me a joy I had never experienced before."

P. 136: "Just imagining the surprised faces of the Old Man, Bepo and the others brought a smile to my face" [when planning on getting fresh fish for dinner as a surprise].

And, despite living under Wolf's motto of "give to take," Law never expects anything in return for any of his good actions. In fact, he gets furious at Wolf himself when, after saving his life, the old man insists on giving Law anything he demands as compensation.

P. 120: "I didn't save you because I wanted a reward!" [...] They [Bepo, Shachi and Penguin] burst into tears of happiness when they realized that you had survived. That's more than enough for me! [...]" I won't let you belittle their tears!"

But even then, Law keeps arguing that he only saved Wolf "on a whim," much like he would say years later when asked why he chose to save Luffy's life. This is a common theme throughout the whole book (which is also pretty obvious in the manga)—Law doesn't recognize his own kindness.

It's not modesty or shyness, his inner monologue makes it very clear that he doesn't see himself as good-natured, and is often confused at his own motivations.

In their first meeting, when Bepo asks him why he is so nice to him, Law doesn't know what to answer; and after that, when Law finds himself wondering why he's trying so hard to save Shachi and Penguin despite their past history, he blames it all on "doctor's pride."

P. 48: "I wasn't even a good person."

Still, regardless of what Law might think of himself, living in Swallow Island seems to be making him progressively gentler. He was wary and hostile towards Wolf at first, but eventually lets himself trust people again, trying to honor Cora's memory and what he taught Law.

In Swallow Island he builds his new found family little by little, though never letting go of Cora and what he meant to Law.

P. 39: "Cora and I were family, that's what I felt at heart, I had no doubts. We had loved each other without saying it out loud [...] Would I feel the same for the Old Man and Bepo eventually?"

Slowly, he starts finding comfort and joy in community. He lets himself be carefree around his new friends, treating them with open affection, laughing and being surprisingly enthusiastic (although he quickly starts taking his role as a leader very seriously, and sometimes avoids showing weakness around them so as not to worry them.)

Law even gets to become an active part of life in Pleasure Town, where he and the other boys are cherished after 3 years living and working there. He's comfortable with his role in the community and appreciates the people in town. His sense of duty towards them shines especially when the pirates arrive to attack the town.

Again, this contrasts with how Law sees himself even in the manga/anime, where he insists that he acts mostly out of selfishness and only seeking his own benefit (or, in the best of cases "on a whim.")

But the truth is that Law's decisions are almost always related to other people's desires.

In this sense, the concept of guilt is also key to understand Law's motivations and his relationship with the world as a whole. This is especially obvious when it comes to Cora—Law even briefly wishes that they had never met, so that Cora would still be alive (p. 128-129.)

In a way, guilt is what moves Law forward, and what slowly starts transforming into a thirst for revenge, into rage and hatred towards Doflamingo and possibly towards himself too. It's a kind of tragic guilt born out of love.

His love for Cora still haunts him, his last wish for Law is the big enigma that he tries to solve during his 3 years in Swallow Island: be free. What is freedom to Law? How can he fulfill Cora's request? This is the question that gives meaning to the novel.

We know that Law wouldn't feel free until finally taking down Doflamingo and avenging Cora's death many years later, but he hasn't reached that point of determination in the novel yet. Maybe that's what gives the narration that hopeful and optimistic tone, with a young Law that's still finding himself, experiencing wonder in loving again, and learning what it means for him to be true to his values. It's the start of an adventure, and its core theme is love.

The ending illustrates this very well; I especially like the moment where Law names the crew as they're setting sail:

P. 243: "Cora's love that he showed me, Wolf's affection, the trust I had in my companions. One word embodied it all: Heart."

It is love that gives Law a reason to keep going. And I'm so glad that the novel doesn't shy away from this fact and isn't afraid of sounding "sappy" or "corny," because I do believe emotion is a very important part of Law's character.

The epilogue closes with a very interesting quote in the last page:

"You hear that, Cora? This is my... This is our pirate crew."

It is unclear if by "our" he is referring to himself and Cora, as if dedicating this new beginning to him, or if he means him and his crew. I'd personally like to think he means it both ways. But in any case, it's interesting that he openly shares the honor of "owning" his crew with someone else. He is the captain, but not the owner. It's another little way in which his generosity is evidenced.

Overall, it was a very enjoyable read, and it left me wanting more. Obviously, it's not a literature masterpiece, but it gives a lot of interesting material for character analysis, which is super fun.

Finally, here’s a few fun facts for those who can’t/don’t want to read the novel but enjoy the little trivia:

The Polar Tang was built and designed by Wolf.

Law’s first tattoo was "DEATH," and he got it at a local tattoo shop in Pleasure Town at around 15 years old.

Shachi and Penguin are childhood friends and likely met through their parents.

Shachi had always wanted to be a hair stylist.

Law is bad at cooking.

Both Shachi and Penguin are good at cooking, especially Penguin, who worked as a waiter in Pleasure Town.

The Hearts’ jolly roger was collectively designed by Law, Bepo, Shachi and Penguin days before leaving Swallow Island.

Law decided the name of their crew upon setting sail for the first time.

And I think that's all! ♥ I hope my rambling was enjoyable at least!

Edit: I've now posted an analysis of the Ace novels too!

[sungbeam]

nonidol!kim sunwoo x f!reader

you never thought your humble, little podcast would ever touch somebody's soul like it did one kim sunwoo's.

▷ genre, warnings. s2f2l, mutual pining/crushing, college au, fluff, minor angst, humor, comfort, swearing, i actually know very little about anything going on w their majors tbh LOL 💀, uhh sunwoo's a simp but wbk, the outline of sunwoo's abs but if u read too fast u will miss it, kissing, low-key miscommunication trope (im sorry i hate those too), rip sorry yangyang, uhm they're kinda cute i *guess* :/, if there r typos then whoops i don't like editing !!

▷ word count. 28.7k help TT

this is the fifth installment of the love in unity series! this fic can be read as a standalone, but there will be references to the main plotline and all other yns will be referred to as _!yn. ALSO, the second episode specifically has a direct reference to a scene from flight risk, but the rest of the fic won't need any other outside context!

a/n: for @justalildumpling and her chopsticks <3 i dragged myself out of writer's block, pls reblog :'))

EPISODE ONE (PILOT): RHAPSODY… LIKE THE BOHEMIAN ONE?

THERE was something about general education requirement courses that felt too much like a university scam. Why was it required to learn more about things that wouldn’t help one’s chosen career path in the long run? Sunwoo hadn't necessarily been thrilled when he wasn't able to get one of the lower level English classes to fill his requirement, but the 300-level literature class had so far turned out to be… actually interesting. Well, the literature itself was interesting enough. The professor?... Not so much.

There was one thing about this class that he could safely say kept him sane though. And it was more so a person than a thing.

The discussion classroom wasn't terribly full as he strolled through the door with his hoodie thrown over his dark brown curls and headphones, a pretty voice flowing through the ear pieces as he took his usual seat to the side of the room.

"...and we're back! Hope you all enjoyed this week's song recommendation. It's been a favorite of mine ever since my dad introduced it to me when I was a kid. An absolute road trip banger—"

Sunwoo's eyes flickered up to see that the TA for the discussion wasn't yet here, but he lowered the volume on his headset slightly in case.

"—kudos to all the songwriters out there. Writing relevant stuff that transcends time is hard, man. I can't even make meaningful conversation with my graduate student supervisor."

A small smile curled the corners of his lips upward. Just as he anticipated the segment on the host geeking out about her favorite oldies music picks, he heard instead—

"I can't even make meaningful conversation with my other grad student supervisors, you know?"

Wait a minute. Confusion flickered across Sunwoo's face as he checked and lifted one of his headphone ears. That can't be right…

Somebody sat down in the seat beside him, almost startling him because he had his back to the door. It was you, the pretty second-year who he had met on the first day of this discussion a few weeks ago. But he was peering at you now in a whole new light as a smile lingered on your face from your conversation with the class’s TA.

When you felt his eyes on you, you flashed him a bright grin. “Hey, Sunwoo.”

He cleared his throat, fumbling to turn his headphones off and follow your lead in taking out the materials needed for today’s discussion. “Oh, hey, Yn.” It occurred to him just how creepy he was probably being just then…just watching you. But the thoughts in his brain were flying around like mosquitoes around his head—had he been hearing things?

“What’d you think of the reading?” You asked him pleasantly.

The reading from the past week had been the first third of a novel called The Stranger, a version translated from its original written in French. Sunwoo sucked in a breath, grimacing, “It’s not my favorite,” he drawled. “I have no idea what the point of his character is, to be honest.”

You pursed your lips and nodded your head. “Yeah, he’s a little… flat,” you chuckled.

“Is this supposed to tie into the theory that professor was talking about last week?” He asked then, in an effort to actively shift his brain’s focus away from your awfully familiar voice and sayings, and to the present.

“Something about how he doesn’t fit societal standards. I think it’s existentialism and nihilism. Well, at least I think it is.”

Huh. Interesting. Sunwoo gave a little bob of his head, and this was just when the TA turned everyone’s attention to a class discussion about the novel. He definitely hadn’t thought of those terms specifically when reading, but at the same time, he did understand where you were getting that sentiment from. He just couldn’t articulate his view of literature quite as well as you could. That had made you somewhat intimidating to him in the beginning, besides your very cute smile, but he was hoping he could learn something from you nonetheless.

You weren’t even a literature major, he realized as he listened to you offer your thoughts to the group. It was cool, though—you were cool.

— ✶

The Songbird Station was a podcast, radio-esque show that Sunwoo had discovered over summer break, a few weeks ago. The podcast was hosted by an anonymous host who dubbed herself “DJ Dove.” She definitely didn’t mind talking about a few of her personal life experiences; it was easy to simply bar the names and identities. Sunwoo had binged all two seasons so far of the podcast, happily tuning in as a silent listener and admirer of hers for awhile, and he had always wondered where she went to school or who she was, but it hadn’t invaded his thoughts like this before.

Sunwoo laid in his bed the day after the literature discussion, his hands resting on his stomach and his expression turned up toward the violet-red LED-lit ceiling of his room. His phone sat on the edge of his nightstand as it played a playlist of songs that Dove had recommended to her listeners—or well, he wondered if he could safely assume that what he heard yesterday was correct, and that you were DJ Dove.

It would make sense, he thought. You were a sound and music production major, had great taste in music (from the brief conversations you struck up with him while in class), and you literally said the exact same thing that Dove had said over the podcast. It couldn’t have just been a coincidence. And now that he thought about it, your voice really did sound a lot like DJ Dove’s. There was a sort of friendly warmth to both of your voices, and—and—

Knock, knock— “Aye, Sunwoo! I'm going to Juyeon's place now. Are you sure you don't wanna come with?"

Oh, right. He had nearly forgotten that Eric had planned to head over to their new mutual friend's apartment tonight to watch a sports game. Juyeon was a friend of a friend of a friend—the connections ran long in their friend circle, he supposed. Sunwoo stole a peak at his phone screen for the time and his joints ached at the sight of 8:53 on the face. His face screwed up as he replied to his friend and roommate, “Nah, I think I'm still just gonna chill here tonight.”

He grabbed his phone fully off the nightstand this time and turned onto his side.

“Oh, okay. Don't burn the apartment down and don't steal my ramen!”

Sunwoo squished his face down into his pillow, raising his voice slightly since his words would probably be muffled, "I'm not going to steal your ramen!" This guy.

He heard Eric grumble something under his breath from the other side of the door, followed by the sound of footsteps moving farther away from his room. When he heard the front door close, he let out a breath and turned back to his phone. To his surprise, he had managed to absentmindedly navigate away from the playlist screen and to the Songbird Station homepage, filled with a collection of all of your links. One of these links was for listeners to submit song recommendations or ask questions, and most of the time, they were all anonymous with their own little nicknames.

He had never fully considered doing it… but that didn’t mean he hadn’t ever partially thought about it. He definitely imagined becoming one of Dove’s more frequent anonymous submitters and becoming friends with her—on a level that one could consider oneself friends between two anonymous users, at least.

But up until now, he hadn’t thought that he could do it. Well, because Dove was Dove; he was one of hundreds of listeners.

“But she’s Yn,” he thought aloud to himself, turning back onto his back to speak to the ceiling, as if the layer of plaster above his head could possibly give him a viable answer. “There’s probably a reason she doesn’t use her actual name,” he pondered further, expression contorted into deep contemplation. “This feels wrong!” He groaned.

There was at least one person he could count on to deal with his bullshit.

sunwoo’s phone: yes or no

tree rat: no

“Well, screw you, too,” Sunwoo huffed as he swiped out of his and Changmin’s text chain. Out of all the times Changmin said “no” randomly, it had to be this time.

It didn’t matter much anyway though. Sunwoo went back to the links page and clicked on the anonymous submissions. He was met with a customized greeting page from the hostess herself, as she thanked her listeners and asked what they’d like to contribute to the show.

Sunwoo moved to sit up against his headboard as he racked his brain for something to say. He had tons to say, but the first message had to be perfect, right?

“It’s fine,” he said out loud, thumbs flying over the keyboard to type out the first thing that came to mind. After all, it was completely anonymous, so it wasn’t like she would—or you would—even know it was him.

He probably read over his little paragraph about a hundred times before attempting to figure out an anonymous name to sign off with. He hugged his knee to his chest when he couldn’t come up with something cool, charming, or unique. Maybe he would stay completely unknown for now. Maybe he wouldn’t even have the courage to submit another message after this one anyway!—

"Rhapsody," he said aloud. Rhapsody was a cool word. Rhapsody anon? Was that who he would sign as?

He did the most logical course of action: look up the word. He asked the internet for its most basic definition, then somehow ended up in the rabbit hole of etymology of the word rhapsody. It described one who stitched verses or songs together—something of the sort. It sounded cool, at least.

It would have to do… and even if you—or DJ Dove—thought it was stupid, no one would know it was him.

Before he could psych himself out of it, Sunwoo pushed the submit button and launched his phone away from him onto the bed like it was explosive. There was something thrilling about anonymous submissions, but incredibly anxiety-inducing, as well. He could only hope that you would be pleased to read it.

— ✶

It was Wednesday when the next episode of the podcast dropped, and Sunwoo was swift to don his headphones on his way out the door of the apartment. The walk to campus was a good fifteen or so minutes, which would get him about a quarter of the way through the episode, but usually the line in the campus cafe was long, so he had plenty of time to listen.

“Welcome to Songbird Station! I’m your host, DJ Dove, and today, I went to my Groupon singing lesson and realized that I think my teacher is having an affair with her neighbor…?”

Sunwoo let out a snortish laugh, covering his mouth with his hoodie sleeve in slight embarrassment as he passed by somebody else going in the opposite direction. Usually, there would be anonymous submissions sprinkled throughout the episode, most of them having to be diverted to later episodes because they were song recommendations. Sunwoo wasn’t super optimistic about his chances of being featured in this episode, but a guy could dream, couldn’t he?

The sky was a pleasant shade of crystalline blue, even as the seasons shifted from summer to fall. There was a slight breeze wafting through the air that brought in the telltale autumnal chill.

"...and luckily the rest was history. My voice was completely dead and my throat is still a little sore, haha, so we'll do a couple more anonymous submissions and recommendations today! This is supposedly a radio show-esque podcast, after all. This one's from a new friend—Rhapsody Anon!"

Sunwoo nearly tripped over the flat sidewalk and sent a nervous smile to the other person waiting at the stoplight with him. Did you just say what he thought you said?

There came a soft laugh from you. "Ooh, like Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen? Such a classic, by the way. Rhapsody says: Hi Dove! Hoping you're doing alright and that songwriting is going well. I'm a relatively new listener but a fan from first listen—awh, wait… that's kind of like love at first sight but for the voice version, isn't it?"

He reddened. The crosswalk turned green.

"Anyways, that's really sweet; thanks so much—there's a bit more of the message that I'll post on my story later so we can save time, but Rhapsody, thank you for tuning in and interacting with me. Your message sounded so heartfelt to me? I dunno," you chuckled and he swore he could hear the smile in your voice, "maybe I'm a little biased 'cause I love your song rec, too. Speaking of which, Rhapsody recommends Painkiller by Ruel! An immaculate choice, if I do say so myself…"

Sunwoo couldn't help but smile to himself at your warm reception of his anonymous submission. He wished he could have gotten your full reaction to his entire message, but he understood that you needed to account for all the other things you had planned.

Even so, an acknowledgement from you would have been enough. He hadn't thought it was possible, but he thought he just became even more attached to this DJ Dove persona.

EPISODE TWO: I HATE VALENTINE'S DAY.

three months later.

THE curtains in Sunwoo's room were yanked open, the sound of metal rings against the metal bar scratched at his eardrums and made him grimace. It definitely did not help the pounding in his cranium, and—wait, was he in jeans? There was a disgusting after taste in his mouth, something akin to alcohol, and when he lifted his hand to rub his eyes, he felt dried tear tracks on his skin.

Eric stood at the foot of his bed with a scowl and his arms crossed over his chest. "I'm mad at you."

Sunwoo smooshed his face into his pillow in a sorry attempt to hide his eyes from the blinding overcast sky outside. "What's new?" He babbled incoherently.

It seemed his friend and roommate was not pleased with his answer and moved to tower over Sunwoo right beside him. "You couldn't have waited ten minutes before barging in? I was so close to kissing her!"

"Huh? What the hell are you…" Sunwoo's voice trailed off as the events of last night were slowly coming back to him.

Yesterday was Valentine's Day. Ugh. He remembered making plans to go to some singles party with Changmin and Chanhee, and that Eric was bringing EC!Yn over to woo her or something… yeah, he got all that. So why did Sunwoo drink so much and why couldn't he…

The notification… the tweet…

Oh no.

The emotions from last night came rushing back to him like the tide to shore. Horror contorted his face as his brain raced to string pieces of last night together. He released a groan as he brought both hands up to his face. "Oh my god," he muttered into his palms.

The distinct feeling of devastation and disappointment sank into his gut. No wonder he had thrown all caution to the wind last night and gotten himself drunk off his face.

"How bad?" He asked.

Eric still had his arms crossed. "You cried on EC!Yn like a whale and asked why women were perfect and why you couldn't have this one girl." By the drone of Eric's voice, he hadn't been pleased or amused by last night's events. Whoops.

"I'm—"

"You are going to be forever alone, by the way."

Sunwoo dropped his hands from his face and leveled a scowl up at Eric. Now, that he remembered saying, too. Unfortunately. "Hey! I'm still tender from last night."

Eric's smile was sarcastic and he said nothing as he made his exit from Sunwoo's room and left the hungover man to fend for himself. Left to his own devices, Sunwoo pushed out a harsh exhale as he stared up at the ceiling.

He remembered receiving the notification from the Songbird Station Twitter account and excusing himself to go to the bathroom to hear your voice memo. And when he'd finally found an empty bathroom and played it back, he learned a devastating piece of information.

Guys, I went on a date… updates in the next episode. That was what you had said, essentially—you, Yn Ln, the girl Sunwoo had met in his literature course last quarter and whom he had figured out was the anonymous host of the podcast Songbird Station under the pseudonym DJ Dove.

And he had gotten drunk over the fact that you'd gone out on a date, and said date hadn't been him.

"Dude," he said out loud to himself.

He couldn't believe he had gotten so off his rocker by this news. It wasn't like he knew you or liked you or—well, maybe he had grown an affection for you over the span of time he listened to your podcast and interacted with you via his own pseudonym, Rhapsody Anonymous.

But he was just another fan to you, and you would never know his identity.

A guy could dream though, right?

A thought suddenly occurred to him as he rolled over to go through the copious amounts of notifications on his phone he had. There were lots of messages in his group chat with Chanhee and Changmin that he would deal with later, lots of social media notifications, emails, and…

Wednesday. Today was Wednesday.

Sunwoo cursed. You were definitely uploading the episode today then.

He bit his lip as he sorted through the notifications to find one about the podcast. Sure enough, there it was: I Went On A Date? was the title, and he pretended like that didn't make him want to play Lany's Valentine's Day on loop—

The bedroom door opened and Eric poked his head into the room. "I made hangover soup."

Sunwoo blinked in surprise. "Oh. Thanks, man."

"Yeah, don't mention it," Eric mumbled, shifting on his feet. "Seriously, don't mention it."

— ✶

For the next couple of days, Sunwoo left the notification at the top of his phone, pretending like it wasn’t there. It had worked for about five minutes, but the remainder of time he was stubborn, he allowed his imagination to get the better of him. Although he no longer needed to take a literature course, he found himself deeply considering the vague title you had provided. Well, what could you mean by that question mark at the end? Had it not gone well? There was no way it could have, since your tone didn’t really scream “OH MY GOD I WENT ON A DATE!!!” (not that Sunwoo had imagined what he would have acted like post-date with someone like you or anything…). He didn’t even know who you had gone on a date with, and that made his stomach churn.

The curiosity devoured him alive over the two days he managed to torture himself with his overthinking. No one knew he listened to the Songbird Station podcast, and he planned to keep it that way. It would be the absolute death of him if any of his friends found out.

By Saturday morning, Sunwoo had had enough of his own stubbornness and caved. He donned his headphones, grabbed his bag, and headed out the door to do some work in a cafe located on the Ave. There was one that his friend Jacob had recommended to the group awhile back, and Sunwoo hadn’t looked back since.

As he tuned into the episode, he shoved his hands into the pockets of his hoodie, shivering against the cold, winter winds. February weather was a doozy, and a hot cup of coffee or hot chocolate sounded so very sexy right this moment.

“Welcome to Songbird Station! I’m your host, DJ Dove, and you’re probably wondering what the title of this episode even means, or why I sent that weird, cryptic voice message the other night.”

The traffic light turned green, and Sunwoo began to cross the road, the coffee shop in sight. His hands were beginning to get clammy in his pockets.

“Don’t riot, but friends, it means exactly what it says—” As you exhaled out a breathy kind of laugh, Sunwoo inhaled sharply.

“Helpful,” he muttered under his breath as he pushed into the warmth of the coffee shop. He shook the cold out of his body before hopping into the line to order.

“ —I did actually land myself a date yesterday. Honestly, I’m not really much of a dater; I never really had time with it over the past years because I would, uh… well, I would rather stay in and do music, y’know?”

The corners of Sunwoo’s lips curled up into a smile. Maybe he had been nervous before about this episode’s topic of choice, but he should have had more faith in you. Rather than speak about the date the entire episode, you always managed to worm in a discussion about your passions, and that was the kind of talk that had first gotten Sunwoo hooked. There was something so attractive about hearing or witnessing a person gush about their passions and ambitions—the way their eyes lit up, their posture righted itself, how they smiled so big that one could hear it in their tone of voice.

He was happy that you went out on a date, because you deserved to meet someone who treated you as special as you were. You were a good person, and it wasn’t fair that he was being so salty about it, especially when he was too chicken to—

“Sunwoo?”

His soul practically fell out of his body. “Shit—” He swore, yanking his headphones down with eyes as wide as the earphones. He whirled around to greet you with a flushed face, red like the old Christmas decorations still hanging up from the crown moldings.

You were standing right behind him with a mildly amused look on your face, your lips pressed into a smile and eyes crinkled in absolute delight. You were similarly bundled up like he was to no doubt shield you from the cold on your way here. “Sorry I scared you! I probably should have, like, tapped your shoulder or something, huh?”

Sunwoo let out a nervous laugh and cupped the back of his neck, the skin there warm to the touch. “Oh, uh, no problem at all. I just kinda…”

“Get scared easy?” You offered.

He huffed with a sheepish sort of smile. “No, no that’s not it. I—I just wasn’t expecting you, that’s all.” Inwardly, he winced. The fact that he was listening to your voice in his ears, and you just happened to say his name at the same time and appear in the same exact coffee shop as him. Weren’t there fifteen of these places on the block? There was no way you just happened to choose this one at this moment.

You chuckled, playing along. “Ah, I see, I see. We haven’t seen each other since fall quarter though. How have you been?”

You and Sunwoo inched up with the line, so the two of you now stood side by side. Sunwoo was trying everything he could to calm the racing of his heart. Play it cool, dude. “I’ve been okay…ish,” he grimaced, re-thinking his answer. “You know winter quarter is always the worst.”

“For sure,” you replied. “It’s so cold and dreary—nobody wants to leave their apartments, especially me,” you joked.

Sunwoo was about to chime in on how he could totally relate to that, when you popped the question: “And then there’s Valentine’s Day. Crazy how it never seems to rain on Valentine’s Day, though, so people can go out. Did you do anything for it?”

Sirens commenced their screeching in his head. WEE-WOO-WEE-WOO! Don’t let her know how much of a loser you were! He coughed, reaching up to scratch his head. “Uh, nothing special in particular, if that’s what you mean. A couple of my friends and I just went to this singles party.” Would that give you the wrong idea? Probably not, right? Why was he so bad at this, he thought, wasn’t he supposed to be a communications major?

You inched up in line. “Oh, that’s cool. I think I went to one in freshman year at my old uni,” you said.

Before he could stop himself, he said, “I almost forgot you transferred this year.” He knew that one from the podcast when you talked about the struggles of being a transfer student and having to almost “redo” your entire first year experience, social-wise. But you had also told him that when you and he had worked together in your shared class last quarter; it was just that the two of you didn’t really talk much about your old university much after that.

“It’s okay,” you smiled, nudging his arm with yours as a gesture for him to order first. “Not many people remember.”

Sunwoo wanted to protest, maybe to reassure you that it wasn’t that easy to forget something like that, but he was forced to switch gears and order his hot beverage first before he could say anything else to you. After he said goodbye to five more dollars, he stepped aside and made his way over to the pick-up counter to wait for you and his drink.

When you were done, you sidled up beside him, hands tucked into the folds of your coat.

Come on, say something, his inner voice chided. “So, uh, how was your Valentine’s Day?”

He immediately regretted it. Out of everything he could have asked, he had to go with the one topic he really didn’t want to hear about. However, it had been one of the logical progressions of the conversation, and who knew? Perhaps it wouldn’t lead to him feeling like he’d been shot down with lightning? (Was he being a little dramatic? Yes. Did it matter? Not when no one was going to hear him, no.)

You let out a small laugh and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. “It was okay,” you replied.

It was… it was okay? What was he supposed to do with that answer—

“I mean,” you continued with a smile that looked more like a grimace, “it was—fine! It was fine. Uhm…”

Sunwoo’s thoughts came to a slow, teetering stop. Worry began seeping into the cracks of his brain as new scenarios formed. “Hey, if you’re uncomfortable talking about it, then we don’t have to talk about it.” All of the nerves and envy from before was becoming something softer in concern for your response.

“No! No, it’s okay. I promise,” you reassured him. The look you gave him was earnest, and he felt the fist tucked into his pocket gradually relax a bit. “It’s just weird putting it into words, y’know? I kind of chickened out of talking to my friends about it, and even to—” You stopped yourself short, and he could see you backpedaling in your brain. “Anyways, it just felt weird? I think it would have been a really nice night if I actually saw him in that light. But at the same time, I kind of want to try and give it a chance. Does that make sense?”

He nodded, tension falling out of his shoulders. “It does. I mean, sometimes there’s just no spark, y’know?” He added. “I was just worried he did something to make you uncomfortable or something.”

“Oh, no, nothing like that. You don’t have to worry.”

“Okay, that’s good,” he murmured, licking his lips. “I’m just curious—” he piped up, “—and you don’t have to tell me, but who did you go out with?”

One of the baristas from behind the counter called your names, and the two of you both stepped forward. Sunwoo took a long stride to get there before you, and handed you your cup for you.

You murmured a “thanks” to him first before stirring in a packet of sugar. “Liu Yangyang. Do you know him?”

Did he? Yangyang was one of the people Sunwoo recognized from not only around campus, but as a person who made music online, too. Even if Yangyang was in the same year as him, Sunwoo always admired the man’s flow and way with words. It made so much sense that Yangyang would pursue you, someone equally talented and charismatic, especially if the two of you were the same major.

A tightening sensation creeped into Sunwoo’s chest as he marinated on the revelation further. If you couldn’t see someone like Yangyang in a romantic light, then where did that put himself?

As Sunwoo let his intrusive thoughts get the best of him, you finished preparing your coffee.

“I’ve gotta run now,” you told him with a soft-cornered grin. “It was nice seeing you, Sunwoo.”

Sunwoo managed a smile back at you, head bobbing in some semblance of a nod, before you were exiting the shop. He stood there for a moment to gather his wits, his thoughts, and his dignity.

“Did that really just happen?” He muttered to himself. He took his coffee with him to find an empty table and retrieved his study materials from his bag. Technically, he didn’t even have to listen to the rest of the podcast, but… who was he kidding?

EPISODE THREE: HEART TO HEART

“YOU’RE coming with me to the practice rooms, right?” Ji Changmin trailed behind Sunwoo as the two of them shouldered into Sunwoo and Eric's shared apartment with their bags and leftovers from today's lunch. It had been about a week and a half since he had bumped into you at that café and he had been feeling over the interaction since.

Sunwoo popped open the refrigerator while his friend perched on one of the breakfast bar stools, his duffle bag dumped at his feet. "Uh, yeah. 'Course, hyung," he said, shifting some groceries from JC!Yn around to make space for his white plastic container.

A thought occurred to him, and he groaned. "But you're gonna have to go first—without me," he clarified. He grabbed the carton of orange juice out to pour himself a glass, facing his friend's curious look.

Changmin's brows furrowed. "Wait, why not?"

It was a reasonable question, as it went against Sunwoo's normal pattern of behavior. Usually, Sunwoo would tag along with Changmin to the practice rooms at the back of the performing arts building. Changmin was a dance major, and with the highly anticipated winter dance showcase just around the corner, it was important that he got that practice in. Plus, with Eric out of town for an away game, Sunwoo was left alone in the apartment, which wasn't exactly his favorite thing. He would much rather go out and be around other people… unless there was something else occupying him.

Today, that certain occupation came in the form of your first live podcast session, something you were trying out. It was just going to be a live audio stream, so you could stay anonymous with your pseudonym, and answer people's submissions live. You had been advertising it for the past week, having excluded the weekly podcast in order to prepare for today.

Sunwoo was excited as you were and wanted to support you and be one of the people tuning in live. This was important to him, and he had even gone so far as to plan out his day.

"I just have something I need to turn in before the day ends," he said easily, shoulders lifting in a half-hearted shrug. He lifted the glass of orange juice to his mouth for a languid gulp.

Changmin made a teasing noise of disappointment. "Aye, you know if Chanhee were here he'd be on your ass, right?" He chuckled, the dimple of his smile pressing into his cheek.

Sunwoo pouted when he lowered the glass. "If Chanhee or JC!Yn were here, I wouldn't have admitted to procrastination. I have self-preservation skills."

"And you don't think I'd be on your ass?" Changmin gasped dramatically with a hand pressed to his chest.

With tongue in cheek, Sunwoo grinned amusedly. He shook his head, adjusting the hood pulled over him. "Hyung, you can't ding me for procrastination when you procrastinate religiously. Remember that one time you had to beg Professor Ka—"

"Yah! Nobody asked for specifics!"

Sunwoo's chuckle turned into nervous laughter as Changmin reached across the island with a claw-shaped hand. "Ah! No! You stay away—go practice!"

Changmin snickered. "Chicken."

Soon after, Changmin indeed took his leave to head over to the performing arts hall. Sunwoo drained the juice in his cup and refilled it before making a beeline for his bedroom.

The livestream was projected to last for an hour, about the length of a usual episode, but you did say the timing wasn't set in stone. Sunwoo set himself up at his desk, signing into the platform you always used. Over the past couple of months he was Rhapsody, he'd become one of your regulars, suggesting new and old songs from his music library, talking about his day or week or something the last podcast had reminded him of. He liked to think that the two of you were friends—parasocially.

A guy could dream, right?

He was on his phone when the waiting room faded and became a split screen: one half with a sketched sign that read "ON AIR: COMING TO YOU LIVE!" with a little dove in headphones, and the other half was a live chat feed that people who were tuned in could use. There was both a public and private feature, and Sunwoo kept his on the public chat, unafraid of what a bunch of other people behind anonymous names and screens could do to scare him.

"Oh! Woah, I think that worked," came your voice, loud and clear, through his laptop speakers.

He smiled to himself, reaching over to settle his fingers on his keyboard. A tingling feeling bubbled up inside him, starting from his toes and rocketing up through his chest. He could actually talk to you in real time today.

You clapped lightly on the other side, relief pouring through your voice. "Thank god. I'm supposed to be good with some computer programs, but this livestream feature is kind of new. How're we doing, everyone? It seems…" A couple clicks from your end, "... We've got some more people rolling in. I'll give it a couple minutes, but let me know who we've got here today! It's so cool seeing you guys live!"

Sunwoo was swift to type out a greeting message: Dovey hi!! He paired it with a little, hand-waving emoji.

The small gasp of delight from you had him giggling to himself. "Oh my god, Rhapsody! Hi, best friend, welcome in! We might actually be able to hold a conversation for once," you chuckled.

rhapsody anonymous: yeah fs haha

rhapsody anonymous: did u have a good week? it felt weird without an ep from u 🤧

"Oh! Yeah, haha, sorry about that—”

He rushed to type as you continued with answering his question: No no! Don’t worry, I don’t blame you or anything lol it’s just something I look forward to every week.

“...Ah,” you said after skimming over his message. “Understood—and aw, I’m glad it’s something you look forward to every week. That makes me really happy to hear… oh! It looks like the numbers are becoming a little stagnant, so I’m gonna get started. Hi, everyone! Welcome to the live edition of Songbird Station. I’m your host…”

— ✶

An hour later, Sunwoo ended up seated at the kitchen counter, drinking orange juice straight out of the nearly-depleted carton, while the livestream continued on. The whole experience had been one of a kind, and by the way you were able to seamlessly speak and engage with your audience for the entire time made Sunwoo feel warm and fuzzy. He was glad this was working out for you.

There was a gradual lull in conversation, however, and you were just wrapping up your last topic to bring your first livestream to an organic stop.

“...wanna thank you all for being here, of course. 57 people listening to my voice for over an hour is kind of crazy, but this was a lot of fun!...”

Sunwoo was just about to start typing up a message to you when his phone buzzed on the counter beside his laptop. He startled, fumbling with the device and grumbling under his breath until he saw who it was and picked up the call.

“Hyung?” He squeezed the phone between his ear and shoulder, attempting to finish his private message to you. I was wondering if I could…|

Changmin’s voice came out breathy and panting like he had just finished a run-through. “Hey, are you done with your assignment yet?”

I was wondering if I could hang back for…| “Huh?” Why couldn’t he multitask, for god’s sake? I was wondering if I could hang back for a minute? If it’s weird though, then it’s no problem…|

No, that wasn’t weird, right? Totally not. He pressed the 'enter' key, satisfied with the message.

“What were you saying?” Sunwoo asked and picked up the phone with his hand. His eyes flickered back to his laptop screen to find that you had sent him a private message back.

Changmin let out a grumbling sigh. “I was just thinking—”

“Uh oh,” Sunwoo joked.

He could hear his friend’s eye roll from here. “When you get here Kim Sunwoo…”

“Okay, okay, okay!” He chuckled as he read your message and silently punched the air in celebration. “What do you want? I was in the middle of something.”

“Rude! And I was calling you because I was thinking about you,” Changmin huffed. “Anyway, I was just going over some of the movement for Juyeon and my ‘Light a Flame’ duet, right? And I came up with this combo that would be perfect for three people—”

Sunwoo sucked in a breath. “Oh, nonono!”

“But!”

“No!” Sunwoo protested. “Hyung, you know that I don’t… y’know, I can’t dance up there with you and Juyeon hyung! That’s way too much pressure; you’re both so good at dance.” He pressed his finger against the edge of the counter and began mindlessly dragging it along the surface. There had originally been plans of Sunwoo joining Changmin and Juyeon’s dance partnership for this year’s winter showcase performance, but Sunwoo backed out. The winter showcase was far too large of an event for Sunwoo could even fathom participating in, let alone dancing with two of the best dancers he knew. There was just no way.

Changmin sighed from the other end. He’d heard this argument before and he’d argued against this argument plenty of times. “Okay, fine. See you in how long?”

Sunwoo placed his phone onto the counter again so he could tell you that he was still here and hadn’t just left you hanging. “Uh, give me like, thirty minutes.”

“Alright. I better see your ass here in thirty minutes, Sunwoo.”

“Yeah, I know. See ya, hyung.” He hung up then, shoulders sagging slightly from the conversation. It wasn’t like he had to participate in the winter showcase—he was no dance major, nor was he a dance minor. He technically hadn’t even decided on a minor, and had only been focusing on getting this degree finished. Whether or not he had chosen a minor yet was not his parents’ favorite discussion when they visited him, but… it would get done when he had the energy to. He didn’t want to bring up the idea of a dance minor—he saw what it did to Changmin and his parents’ relationship and—well, it was just better this way, for now.

Having finished with his phone call, Sunwoo returned his focus to you, where, god bless, you were still waiting for him in the livestream room.

rhapsody anonymous: omg i’m SO sorry!! >< a friend of mine just called and turns out i am awful at multitasking

“No worries,” you laughed. “I figured that was the case. Everything okay, Rhaps?”

The corners of his mouth curled up at the thoughtful ask. Even when the two of you had been classmates, you were new to the school, but still made him feel like the two of you had known each other for longer than simply a few weeks. It only made sense that you were the host of this podcast, the very thing that had been his source of comfort as of late.

rhapsody anon: yeah nothing really serious lol

rhapsody anon: i just have this friend who’s doing the winter showcase and i was supposed to go to the practice room with him

rhapsody anon: actually, i was going to dance and perform w him too but ig i kind of chickened out

He didn’t know why he was telling you all of this; this wasn’t even what he originally intended to talk to you about.

He heard you make a soft sound of understanding. You shifted in your seat. “I see… the winter showcase is a big event though, as I’ve heard from peers and friends. It's probably really intimidating to even perform in the pre-show, you know? Are you a dance student, by chance?”

rhapsody anon: i’m not, but i’ve taken the intro to hiphop course my freshman year and i usually dance for fun w my friend

rhapsody anon: i think i’ve just always been kind of insecure in my abilities to keep up w him?

“Is he a dance major?”

rhapsody anon: he is

Sunwoo leaned back from the laptop and took his hands off the keyboard. He settled his chin onto his folded arms as he listened to your reply.

“Well, I don’t think you should compare yourself to a dance major, right, Rhaps? I mean, it’s not fair to expect more from yourself when he’s clearly had more experience. And if you enjoy dancing, then I don’t see what the harm in trying to perform or even just being satisfied with private practice sessions is!” You paused for a second to gather your thoughts. “What I’m saying is… is that, I can understand where you might feel insecure, and that’s normal, y’know? And if you’re feeling a little unprepared for this year, there’s always future opportunities.”

Sunwoo peered up at his screen as if he could see you on the other side, speaking to him. He sat up to type out a response. Thanks for hearing me out, it’s nice to feel validated. Sorry this kind of took a downer tone haha it wasn’t my intention, I swear!

You giggled and he swore he was smiling a little too wide now. “No worries, really! I’m glad I could be of help, even if it’s to make sure that you know your feelings are valid. If I’m being honest, one of the few reasons why I even started this podcast thing was to kind of just put my experiences out there in search of validity.” You sighed, “I dunno. It’s a story for another time. I am curious, though, as to why you originally wanted to hang out with me after the others left.”

Oh, right. Sunwoo bit his lip.

rhapsody anonymous: this isn’t really a song rec, but ig it kind of is… i feel like superstar by taylor swift reminds me of u

He held his breath after he pressed the ‘enter’ key.

“Oh…” your voice was soft in surprise, and it made something like giddiness spike in his chest. “That’s really sweet, Rhaps. I… I’m not sure what to say, but thank you. Genuinely.”

rhapsody anonymous: u don’t have to say anything!! really haha ur work and ur words have touched a lot of people

“Even you?”

rhapsody anonymous: esp me

And even after you and he had said goodbye to one another and logged off; even after he was well out of the apartment and on his way to campus, that giddy feeling in his chest still hadn’t left him.

EPISODE FOUR: SHOT THROUGH THE HEART! [AND WE’RE ALL IN PAIN]

DEAD week was not typically something Sunwoo had to worry about, as fortunate as that sounded. There were, obviously, classes that made his stomach queasy and made him feel like the world was crumbling into Hot Cheeto dust, but his classes this quarter had been merciful to say the least. The week before finals week was always something that could be visibly observed on campus: students either manifesting like zombies or zooming around to claim seats in the library; grades rising and falling like the housing market; and snacks and coffee being more commonly consumed than any other moment of the quarter.

It was always a hot pile of shit, no matter the student or major.

“Someone just needs to tell Ouyang to chill!”

“Uh-huh.”

“For sure.”

“—it’s not like we’re the root of all of his problems! I’m just trying to graduate!” Eric halted in the middle of the hallway, causing Sunwoo, whose face was nose-deep in his phone screen, to ram into the baseball player’s back.

“Ow!” He hissed, furiously rubbing the place at his forehead that had collided with the nape of Eric’s neck.

“You’re not paying attention,” said Eric, flatly. He turned to Jacob, who also wasn’t paying attention. “Hyung!”

Jacob’s head lifted from where he was busy smiling down at some orange cat video. “What? Nacho’s learning the periodic table—” He flipped his phone around to show Eric, his face immediately lighting up as he forgot about why he was even mad in the first place.

The three of them were currently in the front half of the performing arts building, heading inwards from the main hall to the backstage area where a couple of their friends were already hanging out. Sunwoo had bumped into Jacob and Eric on his way from one of the campus libraries, and with nothing else better to do (than to study), he tagged along to go find someone to bother. (Jacob and Eric were both STEM majors though, which was weird to Sunwoo since… well, shouldn’t they be bunkered up somewhere trying to survive this quarter’s dead week? Anyways…)

Sunwoo sighed and brushed past his two friends to venture deeper into the building. He could already hear somebody’s music blasting from the sound booth as they rehearsed onstage. Over the past several weeks, everyone had been busy preparing for the winter showcase happening at the end of finals week, right before spring break. Ever since Sunwoo’s talk with you over livestream, he had felt a little better about not joining Changmin and Juyeon on stage this year. Plus, from what he could tell when he watched them practice, they already looked pretty much perfect with just the two of them.

Though, there would always be a part of him that wished he really had the courage to go up there and show the audience what he was made of.

Sunwoo wandered into the main auditorium with his hands tucked into his pockets and the doors closing softly behind him. There was indeed a group practicing their number on the stage at the moment. He could even make out the shapes moving from behind the curtains in the wings as other tech members and dancers rushed to and fro to get to where they needed to. Somewhere in that mass of chaos were his friends.

A familiar voice had him lifting his head toward the sound booth. His eyes widened when he recognized you standing in the booth with Bang Chan, one of the more prominent sound and lighting directors working here at the performing arts center. However, it looked like you were leaving, your hands clumsily wrestling with the zipper on your bag while you continued your conversation with Chan, and while attempting to walk backwards out of the sound booth.

Oh my god, you were going to trip on something if he didn’t help—

Both Sunwoo and Chan pounced toward you as the thought occurred to both of them at the same time.

“Yn, careful!” Sunwoo yelled, as he dove for your phone.

Chan steadied you at the bicep, and you hugged your bag to your chest with a flustered grin. “Oops?”

Chan ruffled your hair as he let you go, nodding his hello to Sunwoo, then ducking back into the booth. You stepped out into the main room and shut the door behind you. “Thanks,” you said to him sheepishly, accepting your phone from him.

The two of you naturally fell into step with one another and Sunwoo let you lead him back out towards the main entrance again. “I didn’t know you worked behind the scenes here,” he told you, cupping the back of his head. If he racked his brain, he couldn’t recall hearing about it from your podcast either. “This is the second time I’ve seen you here,” he chuckled.

You stopped for a minute in the middle of the hallway to get a hold of your things. You had to hike your knee up to properly zip your backpack before hauling it over your shoulder. “Oh, that’s right! Just a couple days ago you were here with your friends, right?”

He gave a bashful sort of grin. He had been here a couple days ago when he came to bother Changmin, and ended up hanging out backstage while Hyunjae’s best friend hosted auditions for her play. It was then that he had seen you hustling about with the Lee Jihoon about lights. He’d been caught so off-guard by seeing you; it was a miracle he managed to even get Changmin to forget about that whole interaction. “Yeah, sorry I was kind of… weird. I didn’t expect you, that's all.”

“Lots of surprise run-ins with us, huh,” you teased, the side of your arm bumping with his as you walked.

Us.

“It’s nice to see you more often though.”

You nodded. “The feeling’s mutual, Sunwoo. Thanks for warning me earlier; I’m usually more careful with my stuff, especially when I’ve got special cargo.” As you said this, you reached back to pat your backpack affectionately.

Sunwoo lifted a brow, opening the door for you as the two of you stepped out into the lobby. “Oh? What kind of special cargo?”

The smile on your face widened. “It’s, uhm, a recording mic, actually! I’ve been coming by to intern around the tech side of things here, and Chan and Jihoon give me some tips about music production, too.” You trailed off, an idea taking hold in your head, and that wide beam from just seconds ago became this shy, little thing. “Hey… would you maybe be up to listening to something of mine? I mean, it’s kind of a weird request, but your music taste from first quarter was top notch—”

“Yes,” Sunwoo said, without even waiting for you to finish your rambling.

You paused, and he rejoiced in the pure delight on your face. “Really? That’s—this is great. Wait, I’m so excited! We’ll need to find a private place to listen, but—”

“Oh my gosh, Yn?”

Coming in from the front lobby doors was none other than Han Jisung, a fellow second-year whom Sunwoo was familiar with. He was bundled in a massive, puffy cream jacket with his head shoved into a beanie, and his nose was reddened from the cold. Jisung tucked the earbuds in his ears away into their case, waddling over to you both with the joy of a baby penguin. “And Sunwoo! Woah, it’s so cool to see you, man. What’s up?”

Sunwoo clasped his hand in his. “S’cool to see you, too, dude. Yn and I were just on our way out.”

Jisung moved over to you and pulled you in for an affectionate side hug. “Oh, well, that’s nice to hear,” he snickered, wagging his eyebrows at you while you sent him a pointed look.

Wonder what that was all about…

“Anyways,” continued Jisung, “I just came by to bother Channie-hyung. Is he in the box?”

You bobbed your head in affirmation. “Yup. There isn’t anyone else with him right now, so I’m sure there’ll be plenty of space for you to bug him.”

“Nice,” he grinned. As he walked away in the direction from which you and Sunwoo came, he sent a wave. “See you both around!”

“Bye!” Both you and Sunwoo called back before resuming your walk out the front entrance.

“So how do you—” The two of you laughed when you both started talking at the same time, saying the same thing. Sunwoo gestured toward you, insisting that you ask the question first. You did: “So how do you know Jisung?”

Sunwoo snorted at the memory. “I, uh, saw him in the hall once and smacked his ass, then asked for his number.”

You had to stop to double over in laughter, clutching your stomach while Sunwoo looked on in flustered amusement. Your face had heated up considerably, and you barely managed to follow him down the steps toward the bus stop. “You what?” You asked, once you could get out anything other than wheezes.

He chuckled, shrugging. “Okay, well, I actually know him from this music summer camp we both went to in high school. I didn’t realize he came to this uni until I saw him last year and… well, made my presence known to him.”

You clapped your hands together and collapsed onto the bus bench. “I was gonna say—that’s one hell of a hello.”

“It’s a true story,” he insisted.

“Oh, I believe you.”

The two of you shared a laugh for a moment and Sunwoo took a seat beside you, his knee bouncing up and down as you waited for the bus to come by. He nudged your shoulder with his. “So what about you then? How do you know Han?”

“Hm? Ah, I just know him ‘cause we share the same major-ish. I’m sound and music production, and he’s just a general music major,” you explained. “We also share a composition class, as well as a writing course. Did you know the guy is a fantastic poet?”

Sunwoo’s eyebrows arched upward. “I would not be surprised; the guy’s an ace.”

“Totally agree.” You fidgeted with your phone between your hands. “He was also one of my first friends here after I transferred. He’s kind of shy, but he’s one of the good eggs you can meet.”

A nod. He glanced over at you, his eyes breathing in the far away look on your face. “Yeah, he is. But hey, at least you got to befriend him then, hm? Maybe some things are just meant to be.”

You met his gaze and Sunwoo felt his heart stutter into a gallop. “Yeah,” you murmured, “I think so, too.”

— ✶

You and Sunwoo ended up in one of the booths of the restaurants on the Avenue. It was a cozy, little hole in the wall with soup that tasted like home and made your belly feel warm and content. You had set up shop at your table, your laptop with the audio file pulled up and your wired earbuds plugged in. You had to power all of your will into not showing Sunwoo how nervous you were for him to listen to this—your fingers shook slightly even as you passed him both of your earbuds.

In an attempt to pass off as cool, calm and totally collected, you brought your glass of water to your mouth to sip on. You'd thought to order food first, then let Sunwoo listen to the file.

"Let me know if you can't hear anything," you blurted out just before he put the buds in.

He paused, then smiled. "I got it," he assured you warmly.

Once the buds were fitted and the song started playing, you could only wait and watch to gauge his reaction.

At first, his eyes widened a smidge. Then he slowly began nodding to the beat, eyes falling closed as he soaked in the electric guitar chords mixed in that Jisung helped you out with. You watched him lean back in his seat… saw the smile bloom on his face, wide like a flower opening its petals to greet the brilliant sun.

And that beautiful smile… oh, he was so pretty when he smiled.

It was a couple minutes later that his eyelids finally fluttered open, and yet that smile on his face remained ingrained there. He passed you your earbuds as you awaited the verdict. "Girl, you've got pipes," he said with emphasis, his face screwed up in an expression one could only describe as appreciative. "Like—oh my god, I want that bridge tattooed on my forehead," he groaned and leaned forward to bury his face in his palms.

Your heart could fly, soar, literally ascend to fucking space! You smiled, big and wide, as you wrapped up the wire chords around three fingers. "I'm glad you liked it."

"Liked it?" He perked up, then melted to the table as he mumbled into his hoodie sleeve, "I could kis…" You didn't catch the end bit of his sentence as his voice dissipated into the fabric of his shirt.

"What'd you say?"

When he lifted his head, his cheekbones had flushed a shade of rose gold. He cupped the back of his neck with a nervous laugh, "Nothing! It was nothing. I just—I just love it, Yn. Really, I mean it. I'm not just saying that because we're friends—"

"Ah, so we're friends?" You jested, even as your heart skipped like a pebble across the surface of a lake.

Sunwoo blinked, lips pursed. "We're not friends?"

"No, I'm only kidding!" You said and leaned your cheek against your fist. "Your reaction was cute though."

You swore something shuddered across his face, but you didn't have much time to analyze it when you felt a presence make himself clear at the head of the table.

Yangyang appeared in a warm-looking jacket and scarf, his eyes flickering curiously between you and Sunwoo. You suddenly felt an anxious spike in your chest at the thought of what this might have looked like to him. That was, until he saw the laptop, of course. You saw the relief in his shoulders, the ease in which he smiled now. "Hey Yn-ie, didn't know you'd be here."

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Sunwoo scratch his jawline, then scoot forward and offer his hand to Yangyang. "Hey, I'm Sunwoo. You're Yangyang, aren't you?"

Yangyang clasped Sunwoo's hand good naturedly with a typical gummy smile. "Yeah, that's me. It's nice to meet you."

"I was just showing him the project," you said next, drawing both of the boys' attention to you.

"Ah," your friend nodded. "How'd you like it, Sunwoo?"

Sunwoo lit up. "It was—incredible. I don't even know how to describe it, y'know? If it was on my Spotify, it'd probably be on my Wrapped."

There went your heart, goodness. You and Sunwoo locked eyes across the table, and you wished you could convey how much his words meant to you by just a look.

"Totally agree," Yangyang nodded. "My Yn-ie's got a gift and she knows how to use it." He gave your head a gentle pat, and heat rose to your cheeks from the bombardment of attention. It hit you subtly, an epiphany—

Yangyang cleared his throat then and returned his hand to his side. "Anyways, I'll leave you two to it. I'll talk to you later?" He asked you as he was already taking a step backward.

—the heat wasn't for him. It simply wasn't.

"Yeah! I'll shoot you a text later," you promised. You realized then that you had barely even spoken to Yangyang since your Valentine's Day date ended several weeks ago. There had just been a lot of mixed feelings churning around in your head that needed time to be sorted out. (And it was currently being resolved.) With a slight inward grimace, you turned your focus back to the guy you'd brought here in the first place.

Sunwoo slid your laptop over to your side of the table. "Soooo… you and Yangyang, huh?" He laughed, and you weren't certain, but it sounded a bit unsteady.

You played with the hem of your sweater sleeve. "I mean, kind of? Not really? We went on that date a while back, if you remember, but that's about it."

He leaned in. "Yeah, I remember."

"Yeah, and we also haven't had time to really properly talk since?" You winced. "I guess it's not really as bad as I make it sound. It's just that, we've pretty much known each other since primary school. He had just moved from Taiwan, and we were pretty good friends. And he would move back and forth between here and this one town in Germany, but we would always—" you made a vague gesture, "—find each other? Is that the word?"

You let out a breathy sort of laugh. "I'm sorry, I dunno why I'm telling you my history with this guy. It's stupid."

Sunwoo frowned and shook his head. "It's not stupid, Yn."

You inhaled, then chewed on your cheek. "It's just that I always feel like people don't really stick around, at least for me. But Yangyang… he's been one of the few constants in my life, and I'm really grateful for that."

"I'm sensing there's a 'but' with this."

You indulged him. "But I'm starting to think that maybe I can't really see him as that kind of constant, if that makes sense." Your brows furrowed in thought. The boat you were on rocked roughly with the waves, the water turbulent and unsteady, as if at any moment it could throw you off. But you were used to the rocking, and you weren't sure why you should be so used to it. Settling for Yangyang even though you were beginning to realize that he probably wasn't The One? That was like staying docked in a home port you'd grown used to when you yearned for the horizon.

You heard Sunwoo crack his knuckles, and perhaps there really was a certain sheen to his eyes then. "I don't want to put words in your mouth," he drawled carefully, "and I can't imagine how exactly you feel and I don't know your whole story. But it has to be hard when it feels like, I don't know, like people are moving on without you." The earnestness in his eyes made his dark brown eyes deeper and richer. "And maybe it's comfortable with Yangyang and you want to try with him because you know that you two will always somehow find each other again."

"You kind of put what I was thinking into coherent sentences there," you mused, the corners of your lips curling upward.

Sunwoo reflected your expression. "That's good to hear, because I was pretty sure I sounded arrogant."

You laughed then, shaking your head. "No, I appreciated that. And you got it right." Breathing a sigh, you saw a waiter coming by to drop off the food the two of you had ordered. "I think it's just taken me some time with myself and with—with other people to make me realize it."

He glanced up with thanks as the waiter passed you your meals, and you swore you saw his hand make a move to reach for yours across the table. But he stopped short, and instead, helped move your hot bowl of soup over to you. "You never know," he said sheepishly, "The One could be right under your nose."

— ✶

eric 🤨: dude where did u go??? cobie hyung and i looked up and u disappeared into thin air

eric 🤨: omg jisung said u went somewhere w a GIRL??? IS THIS THE GIRL U WERE GETTING ALL DRUNK AND SAD ABT 👀

sunwoo’s phone: YAH!!! OH MY GOD STFU

eric 🤨: no.

EPISODE FIVE: LOTS OF THINGS BLOOM IN SPRING

“SO her name is DJ Dove?”

Sunwoo made a face around his toothbrush as he spat the frothy white into the sink bowl. “For the millionth time, yes.” Through the mirror, Sunwoo watched Eric’s face as his roommate perched himself atop the kitchen counter and went quiet, his face pensive. After coming home to Eric’s confrontation, Sunwoo promised to explain it all in the morning to him.

It was unfortunately the morning, meaning Sunwoo had spent the past hour bringing Eric up to speed on his nonexistent love life. Fortunately, it was also a Wednesday morning, which meant you had just posted your newest episode of the podcast, and Sunwoo could force Eric to listen to it with him. A part of him was tense at the thought of no longer “gatekeeping” his little secret that he had kept for the past several months, but this was Eric, one of his best friends. Maybe this would lift a weight off of Sunwoo’s chest by finally telling someone.

“...I’m still in the thrall of dead week,” your voice blasted from the speaker of Sunwoo’s phone at high volume, “and it’s come to my attention that next quarter will probably be a lot for me. I guess this is me forewarning you all that I might be late with some episodes because I’ve got this new internship thing.”

Sunwoo dunked his face into the sink bowl as he splashed water over his lathered foam cleanser. “She’s talking about her internship at the performing arts center.”

“How do you—never mind, forget I asked.”

Sunwoo patted his face dry, then opened the medicine cabinet for all of the skincare products he used to start off the day.

“...It’s been awhile since I’ve recommended something myself, so today, do enjoy ‘gone too long’ by lullaboy with me.” The song began a few seconds after you queued it up, and the apartment was then filled with muted vocals and strings.

Sunwoo straightened. He and Eric went quiet for a while as they both let the song sink in. Sunwoo continued to slather sunscreen on his face and neck, and Eric had started up the stove to make a batch of ramen for the both of them.

A peculiar sensation draped itself over Sunwoo’s shoulders, a blanket of something that wasn’t quite calm and wasn’t quite jittery. He didn’t know how to pinpoint or label the weird tightness in his chest. The song was strangely intimate, as almost all the music Sunwoo listened to was, but when it came from another person, it was always a whole new level of intimate. Whenever someone recommended a song, it was a way to view a piece of them—perhaps not a large piece, but a piece nonetheless. If eyes were the windows to the soul, then music was the viewfinder.

Maybe he missed you. But that didn’t make sense—it… it couldn’t make sense. He saw you yesterday, and he was listening to you now. How could he miss you?

“She has good taste,” Eric murmured as the song faded out.

Sunwoo nodded his head in agreement. “Yeah. She does.”

“...Hopefully when you miss me you’ll play that song,” he heard you say in a lighthearted tone, even though he felt almost like the complete opposite. “On that note, Rhaps sent in a message asking about the dance showcase coming up! ‘Are you planning on going, and if so, any acts you’re looking forward to? Isn’t it crazy that we could be sitting next to each other and never even know?’ —”

Eric perked up, his head peering over his shoulder to look at Sunwoo as he came out of the bathroom to join Eric in the kitchen. “That’s you? Rhaps?”

“Rhapsody Anonymous,” Sunwoo corrected. “And don’t judge me!” He added with a pointed look, finger jabbing in Eric’s direction.

Eric shook his head with a giddy sort of grin. “I didn’t say anything.”

For a moment, the two boys went quiet with only your voice and the sounds of the stove keeping them company.

A thought occurred to Eric though, and he worried his bottom lip between his teeth. “Does it ever feel like lying?” He asked and gestured for Sunwoo to grab a couple of bowls from the cabinet.

Sunwoo walked over with the soup bowls, then leaned his hip against the counter next to Eric. “Does what feel like lying?”

“Hiding that you know it’s her.”

Well… Sunwoo idly scratched his jaw. “I guess I never thought about it like that,” he said. All this time, he’d figured it was probably better that he didn’t bring it up to you. After all, you used a pseudonym for a reason and didn’t show your face. Maybe this was just supposed to be your secret passion project that you used as a safe space. He didn’t want to burst your bubble by confronting you with that information. How would he even go about doing it? Oh hey, by the way, I’ve known that you’re this podcast host DJ Dove for a very long time? That probably had ‘awkward’ written all over it.

Eric passed him a pointed glance. “Something to think about then.”

— ✶

Finals week had come and gone, a hurricane of destruction in its own right. But when the storm passed, it gave way to the beautiful cherry blossoms blooming in the quad. As per university tradition, the quad was filled to the brim with students, staff, and tourists alike gathering to pose in the falling pink petals that marked the coming of Spring Break. This was no different for Sunwoo’s friend group who was dragged out to the event by none other than Choi Chanhee. In an effort to appease his friend in some aspect, Sunwoo had come dressed in something decently presentable: black cargo pants, blue denim jacket, and his face fitted in a pair of dark frames (that were definitely not just frames or missing the lenses…).

He shoved his hands into his pockets after taking a peak at the time on his watch. The group had been here for about ten minutes thus far, and half of them had already split off with their significant others to take their own rounds about the quad. They weren't the only ones—in fact, there were probably as many couples as there were people taking grad photos and cosplay photos.

And wait, someone had come in their wedding dress—nothing spelled out Sunwoo's singleness more potently than a couple getting married.

He took a panoramic glance and accidentally watched another couple go in for a kiss. He looked away with a slight frown, blowing a curl out of his eyes. "I hate this more than Valentine's Day," he grumbled.

From beside him, Kevin Moon sighed as he tested a shot with his camera and had to adjust the settings for the right exposure. "You're telling me." When he raised his camera up again, he immediately had to bring it back down with a deadpan expression, "At least on Valentine's Day, people won't photobomb you."

As the group's self-proclaimed Dad, Lee Sangyeon, summoned the attention of the boys who were present for a partial group photo. Sunwoo smiled for it, then returned to his frown. Chanhee had his camera held up as he attempted to take a selfie shot since he had been staking out this one tree trunk that a group of people had just left. Sunwoo had to admire the way Chanhee wordlessly swooped in like a vulture over a dead carcass.

"Aye, Kim Sunwoo," Chanhee exclaimed and beckoned Sunwoo over with a curl of his two fingers. Chanhee's head scanned the immediate area and his nose wrinkled when he realized he was missing someone. "Where did Changmin go? He was literally right… ah."

Chanhee's voice trailed off and a sly, little grin when he located the man in question. "Look."

Sunwoo followed Chanhee's gaze across the field to where he was sneaking up behind a familiar person. Sunwoo had met this girl twice, once when he and Changmin had gone looking for Jacob and the other when he went with Changmin to go see her for moral support. Both times, strangely, had been at the lab. Huh, did she even go home…?

But then Sunwoo observed the way Changmin and CM!Yn looked at each other. Though Sunwoo had seen Changmin's eyes light up before, this was a different sort of twinkle, something softer. There had always been a cloud hanging over Changmin when it came to this girl, always some kind of bittersweetness that held him back. It made a smile crawl onto his lips at the sight of Changmin so happy.

"Wah," Chanhee murmured in awe. "They really mended their relationship well, don't you think?"

Sunwoo pursed his lips with an indulgent nod. "Yeah, I'd think so."

His friend sighed. "Oh, well. Looks like it's just us two then."

Sunwoo stepped forward and took Chanhee's phone from him, swiftly changing it to the forward facing camera. Chanhee struck a few poses beneath the blush pink trees as he soaked in the golden hour sunlight streaking across the lawn. Eventually, Sunwoo turned the camera back around to take shots of both himself and Chanhee.

He adjusted the phone so that the selfie mode could capture both of them when he spotted Chanhee scuttling back over toward him with a pile of pink petals collected in his palms.

Sunwoo's eyes went wide and he leapt backward away from his grinning friend. "Hyung, come on, let's talk about this."

Chanhee cackled and inched forward still. His hair was the exact same color as the flowers cupped in his palms. "Sunwoo-ah," he sang, "I think your hair needs a bit of color."

"I just did my hair this morning!" He whined and pleaded desperately. The last thing he needed was to be plucking stray petals from his curls later tonight. When Chanhee still wouldn't quit, adrenaline began to pump through Sunwoo's veins in anticipation for what he needed to do next. "Chanhee hyung! We can be civil about this."

"Civility is overrated!"

Just as Chanhee pounced, Sunwoo swerved on the ball of his foot and made a mad dash toward the other side of the quad. Chanhee's giggles filled the late afternoon air like the twinkling of bells, and though it was probably an amusing sight for onlookers, Sunwoo was running for his life.

Sunwoo pumped his legs furiously as he weaved in between people standing and taking their pictures, screaming out apologies for photobombing them as he went. And when he nearly tripped over someone's dog, he managed to lock eyes with yours.

You. Oh my god, you were here.

He had little time to fully comprehend what he was about to do, but he made a beeline for you.

"Sunwoo, hey—oh!"

Sunwoo grabbed your shoulders and careened himself behind you, his face partially hidden behind yours. "I'm sorry, but—" he screeched, "—he's threatening to ruin my hair!"

Chanhee laughed as he stopped in front of you and Sunwoo. His pale cheeks were dusted with the color of the flowers in the air. "Ah, well, hello. This isn't very gentlemanly of you, Sunwoo. Who's this?" He threw Sunwoo a look over your shoulder.

Fuck. He hadn't thought this one through.

Sunwoo laughed sheepishly and let go of your shoulders to clasp the back of his neck. It was only then he realized you were wearing a delicate, pastel sundress with cherry blossoms littered in your own hair. A gentle breeze wafted by and through your skirt and brushed back a few strands of your hair too.

Pretty…

"This is," he stammered, snapping out of his daze, "Yn. Yn-ie, this is one of my close friends, Chanhee."

"It's nice to meet you," Chanhee said with a warm smile and slight bow of his head.

You gave a little wave. "Nice to meet you, too, despite the circumstances."

"I would wave back," Chanhee gestured with his hand of flowers, "but this is a nice pile, don't you think?"

To your credit, you played along. You laughed, "I totally agree. It definitely should not be wasted on giving me a wave. Though, I'm sure there will be plenty of opportunities to get back at Sunwoo." You turned your head and cocked a brow at him, to which he smiled back boyishly.

Chanhee considered you again for a moment. "I like your style. I guess I'll just… leave you to it then," he drawled and sent Sunwoo very pointed glances with his eyes toward you. Something about the way Chanhee's eyes narrowed minutely made Sunwoo want to hide behind you again.

Chanhee whistled a merry tune as he went on his way, leaving you and Sunwoo to your own devices as he probably went to go find his next victim.

"I'm so sorry about that," Sunwoo lamented as soon as Chanhee was out of ear shot. "I did not mean to make you a human shield."

You chuckled. "It's okay, dude, really. Definitely didn't think I'd find anyone I knew in this mess, so it's nice seeing you out here."

Sunwoo gave you yet another once over and felt heat crawl up the column of his neck. "I—you look really pretty," he said, gesturing to your outfit.

"Oh, thank you," you chirped. "You clean up quite well yourself."

The two of you shared a smile then and for a second, Sunwoo's mouth went dry and no words leapt from his tongue. They all remained lodged in his throat where his heartbeat went pitter-patter.

He cleared his throat, breaking eye contact with you for a moment.

You made a vague nod toward one of the open benches lining the perimeter of the quad, an invitation. "Wanna come sit with me?"

"Do I?" Yes. The answer was yes.

When you and Sunwoo were seated side by side, centimeters separating your arms and legs from touching the other, his heart still had not settled. The adrenaline, in fact, also had her to dissipate. With wide eyes, he soaked everything in.

"Did you go to the winter showcase on Friday night?" He blurted, turning to you.

You met his gaze. "I did. It was such a cool experience, especially since it was my first time. Did you?"

He nodded, locking his lips. "I did, yeah," he murmured. "I had a couple friends performing, so we all went to cheer them on. It's always a really great time though; I'm glad you got to go."

"Oh, that's nice. I always find dancers so impressive," you said with a wistful gleam in your eyes. "Do you dance?"

He found himself fidgeting with Chanhee's phone that he still held onto in his lap. "A little," he admitted bashfully. "I took an intro to hip-hop class last year, and I sometimes dance with my friends. Just—not in public," he said.

For a second, something flickered across your face. But he must have been dreaming because it was gone as quickly as it came.

"So music and dance? You're a multi-talented threat, Sunwoo."

"Aw, not really," he giggled. He wanted to hide his burning face in the collar of his jacket, but there was something about you that also made him unafraid to show you this side of him. Actually, you made this side of him come out. He wasn't usually so terribly shy, always tumbling over his words and doing diction cartwheels… communications major, his ass. "What about you? You're literally a musical genius. You should be on my Spotify Wrapped, Yn."

This time, he could relish in making you flustered. "Aye, you can't say that and expect me not to wanna…" You lost your own words, biting your tongue.

He didn't know what got into him, but he leaned forward closer to you. "Expect you not to what?" He asked lowly, teasingly.

Your breath hitched in your throat, and he swore his own rapidly-beating organ was going to come flying out of his chest.

"Expect me not to—steal your glasses!" With a high-pitched squeal, you snatched the lensless frames from right off his nose.

Sunwoo gasped in scandal, diving to grab them back, but you had already stood up from the bench. "Yah! Those were expensive frames!"

Your face lit up as you donned them. "You'll have to take it off my face then!"

"Bet!" And he lurched after you as you took off into the setting sun.

Your voices echoed across the quad: "Jisuuuuuung! Jisung, save me!"

"Jisung can't save you when he's scared of me!"

EPISODE SIX: AND THE MUSES ARE OFF!

"IT'S not a date!"

"It's a date!"

"It's not a date!" Sunwoo stopped abruptly in the middle of his living room where he had been wearing a hole in the wood floors from pacing. He whirled on his sock-clad heels to face his sofa of judges, Changmin and Chanhee. Eric was out with his girlfriend watching the newest action movie that had come out over Spring Break. "She would say if it was a date, right?"

Chanhee smacked his palm against his forehead with a puff of air. Changmin, however, leaned back on the couch with a ponderous look on his face and rubbed his chin with his thumb and forefinger. "She probably would. She seems like she has more balls than you."

"Hey!"

Changmin grinned. "Just saying." He then leaned down to pick up his duffle bag sitting at his feet. "I've gotta run now, but let me know how it goes."

Sunwoo leveled a scowl at him as he passed by to go to the door. "I hope CM!Yn trips you in the practice room."

"Into her arms!" He hollered back, which was swiftly followed by the front door slamming shut.

While Changmin was headed out to meet CM!Yn at the practice room for her first time returning to dance after three years, Sunwoo and Chanhee were left to prepare Sunwoo for today's agenda. Yesterday, you and he had traded numbers, to which you had immediately asked if he'd wanted to hang out with you some more over Spring Break. The answer had been as easy as counting to three.

Now the only problem was to not freak out over it.

"You're picking up lunch, aren't you?" Chanhee asked as he shoved Sunwoo into the bathroom.

Sunwoo nodded shallowly and picked up his round brush and blow-dryer. "Mhm. I'm meeting her at the performing arts building, and we're gonna take the metro up to Lake Anchor. Ever been up there?"

Chanhee fixed the collar of Sunwoo's white button-up, then snatched the brush and blowdryer out of his hands to do it for him. "Nope. Heard it's nice up there though."

"Yeah," Sunwoo muttered, nearly dropping the serum bottle in his hands. "She said her friend Sieun recommended it."

"Ah."

It wouldn't have felt like a date as much if Sunwoo hadn't searched up Lake Anchor when you'd texted him about it last night. The place was gorgeous, a certified calendar-worthy landscape with purple mountain majesties in the back and shores lined with emerald green hills and willow trees. It didn't help that the Reddit pages all deemed it a "couple's picnic spot you can't miss." Oh, he wasn't going to miss it, all right.

Thirty minutes later, he found himself outside the doors to the performing arts center where you said you were currently taking a tech lesson from Bang Chan. He had a paper bag of snacks and sandwiches from the local convenience store in one hand and the other tucked away into his pocket.

He wondered if he could go in and see you, but he'd already texted you he was waiting outside, and you'd replied you were on your way out.

Just as he was about to go sit on one of the benches, one of the doors at the entrance opened. You emerged out into the late spring morning with the breeze in your hair, a tote bag slung over one shoulder, and a ukulele case hanging from the other. You smiled wide at him and waved.

Sunwoo's lips parted into a grin. "Hi. I got us snacks," he said and lifted the brown bag in his hand.

"Sunwoo, you didn't have to," you pursed your lips fondly, adjusting your bag straps.

"I wanted to." The two of you fell into step in the direction of the closest metro station. It would be a short walk from here into the university Avenue, and down a block to the station. Everything was conveniently placed in the name of accessibility. "Plus, I didn't really eat breakfast," he admitted.

"Me neither." You cupped half your face with your palm. "Aish. I always forget I have, like, yogurt in the fridge, y'know?"

Sunwoo chuckled. "Yeah, I get that. My roommate and I always forget that we have groceries in the fridge because we always see the ramen packets on the counter instead. How was the lesson with Chan?"

The two of you stopped at the intersection to wait for the light. You hugged your ukulele to your chest. "It was good! He's always really helpful and knowledgeable—and patient," you mused. "I hope you don't mind me bringing my uke along though. I thought it would be a nice form of entertainment once we got up to the lake."

"I'm not entertaining enough for you," he gasped melodramatically, jutting his bottom lip out in a pout.

You laughed, and the sound made him break his pout and smile. "I thought I would be the entertaining one for once. D'you know how to play?"

The crosswalk sign turned on for you, and you both made your way across.

"I know some guitar," Sunwoo answered, "but just the basics. They teach you a bit at summer music camp." As he walked by your side, he felt his hand brush against the back of yours. "My hyung—Jacob—he plays guitar pretty well. He's good at singing, too, like you."

He caught your smile from the corner of his eye.

"He did it to woo his girlfriend," he jested, sticking his tongue in his cheek when he remembered how JC!Yn brought him and Haknyeon up to speed last quarter about her love life antics.

You chuckled. "That's a shame you know the trick," you said with an impish twinkle in your eyes, "because that was exactly my plan."

Sunwoo came to a screeching halt in the middle of the walkway, and when you realized he was still staring wide-eyed at the sidewalk, you let out a laugh and went back to drag him along to the station.

— ✶

The view was something out of a magazine, the kind that took one's breath away. You and Sunwoo had claimed the shade beneath a willow tree and settled down across from each other with the brown paper bag flattened out to display the feast he had purchased. There were other small groups of people around, as well, all of whom seemed to have the same ideas as you two as they soaked up sun, read books and napped in the shade, and picnicked along the grassy shoreline. There was even a small booth a mile down the bank that rented out swan-shaped paddle boats and canoes for people to take out onto the water.

You and Sunwoo had pretty much demolished all of the goodies he brought with him. The conversation had been flowing, simple and organic, and you felt at peace—that was the best way to describe it. Maybe it was the location, the circumstance, the company, or all three.

You picked up your ukulele from where it laid in its case by your side. "Any suggestions?" You queried, taking the instrument out and checking that it was in tune.

Sunwoo brushed his hands of crumbs and braced his palms on the grass behind him. It was the visual of him in that white shirt, his sleeves rolled up and collarbone exposed, jawline clean and sharp as he gazed out at the view that made your heart race again. "Hmm," he hummed, "what did you first learn on it?"

"I think I taught myself Lemonade by Jeremy Passion," you said to him and scoured your brain for the right chords. You strummed a G-flat minor, and when it sounded about right, you shifted to B, until you managed to jog your memory of all four chords.

He watched you with softened eyes, his knees pulled up to his chest now as he leaned his cheek onto the tops of his knees. "That's a good song," he murmured.

"Do you know the lyrics?"

He chuckled, shaking his head and flicking his wrist. "Oh, no, no. I don't sing."

"Doesn't sound like you can't," you quipped back with a teasing tilt in your smile. You swayed a little as you played the tune over and over again. "A little shy, are we?"

You could see the smile peeking from his lips even when he tried to hide it in his arms. "I don't sing a lot."

"If I sang the first verse, would you join me in the chorus?" You offered as a compromise. You wouldn't push after this if he still refused, but there was a part of you that felt like you needed to hear this beautiful man sing for you.

He balked for a second, toeing at the dirt. Then, "Okay. I'll join in at the chorus."

A smile bloomed on your face. "Excellent."

You were a little shaky going in yourself. Though you had definitely practiced this song more times than you could count, performing it for someone else was always like playing it for the first time. And you wanted Sunwoo to enjoy it, and to be impressed by you. You wanted to do well for him and to be able to encourage him.

As he said he would, you heard him join in at the chorus—softly, at first, until he was the main vocal and you could bolster him with the harmony.

His eyes met yours, all smiles, as the song continued on. The ending verse… dear god, you could fall over from pure giddiness at the way he nailed the runs and you could do a little showing off with your strumming. Shivers, just plain shivers.

"She's exactly what… I need," he crooned, fingers playing absentmindedly with a strand of grass.

You let the vibrations of the strings linger in the spring air for a moment. It was like the two of you were encased in this bubble all by yourselves; and it was beautiful. It was perfect.

"I knew you could sing," you said to him. "I just had a feeling."

He hung his head, but the smile on his face could not be suppressed. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"For encouraging me," he shook his head. "Believing in me."

You pursed your lips together thoughtfully and you wished you could pick his brain without risking total invasion. "Do people not believe in you often?" You asked quietly, shifting to move yourself around the pile of rolled-up trash and to sit next to him.

He followed your lead, scooting himself next to you until you were no longer opposite, but adjacent. "Not people, just me, I think."

"Ah." You could empathize.

He gave a shallow nod. "Do you ever get scared of making a mistake so you don't—I dunno—go for it? And then you end up thinking that maybe not taking that risk was the mistake?"

You set your ukulele down in the case beside you and mirrored his position, arms looped around your legs. "I do. All the time actually, and it's a scary feeling."

"Yeah," he exhaled. "Sometimes I wish I had just gone into music, full-on. I mean, a communication major is useful and all, but there are times when I wonder where I would have been if I had nurtured that passion."

His words resonated within you. There was a reason why you transferred to this university and decided to leave your original plan behind. You had gone into college with an intent to major in Computer Science, but less than a year in, it had become abundantly clear to you how unhappy you were. Leaving wasn't just a choice, it had been a need.

You turned to look at Sunwoo and you felt your chest tug toward him. You bumped his leg with your knee. "You still have time," you said. "It's not too late to still see where that goes."

But you knew the conflict that warred in his head; you knew it all too well because you had experienced it firsthand. It was much more complicated than simply chasing after one's dreams. There was obligations, expectations, fears, and physical obstacles that made the situation more complex than it seemed at first glance. You didn't know his family situation, didn't know the whole story of why he hadn't taken his summer music camp experiences and translated it into his current college career.

You didn't know it all… but you wanted to. You wanted to know everything about him.

"You said you don't have a minor figured out yet, right?" You asked suddenly, an idea coming to you.

He hummed. "Yeah."

"Well, why don't you choose music as your minor?" When he didn't answer right away, you added, "You obviously don't have to decide right this second—it's just something to think about."

(It seemed he had a lot he needed to think about lately.)

Sunwoo rose up and leaned back onto his palms again. When he turned to look at you, a sense of calm had come over him this time. "I really appreciate you."

You broke into a smile. "I appreciate you, too."

"No, really," he laughed, then bit his lip. "I'm sorry for screwing the mood—"

"You're not! Really," you insisted. "I don't mind. I like having meaningful conversations with people who mean a lot to me."

He didn't even have to say anything, because there was this look, one you simply could not ignore. It made your stomach feel like it was swarmed with butterflies and that you were walking on air. It was like watching him smile while listening to the song you wrote, like walking out of the performing arts center to see him waiting for you. He didn't have to say anything because you knew—you had to. There simply could not be any other explanation, right?

EPISODE SEVEN: WHAT IF SOULS FEEL FAMILIAR FOR A REASON?

YOU had been keeping a secret.

"So what you're saying is that you know that he knows, but he doesn't know that you know that he knows?"

You nodded, arms crossed. "Yeah, pretty much."

Jisung made a face and rested his temple against his palm. "My brain hurts."

From where she was perched on a stool, Park Sieun reached over and patted Jisung's nest of hair. "It is a little confusing. Why don't you just confront him about it?"

"I don't know," you huffed and fell back against the wall. The three of you were holed up in one of the private studios on campus. There weren't many buildings opened since it was still Spring Break, but many of the performing arts facilities were. Jisung had offered for you and Sieun to meet him in the room he had snagged and had been currently occupying in order to bust out as much creative energy as possible. (Newsflash, it was not going well, hence, yours and Sieun's invitations.) Studio rooms were pretty much soundproof, so they were good for those in the music programs who wanted a private space to practice or record things.

You had just brought them up to speed on your latest outing with a certain Kim Sunwoo up to Lake Anchor, as Sieun had so graciously suggested to you the other day. After your outing, however, you'd come to one very solid conclusion.

Well, and there was the matter of The Anonymous Situation.

Just this morning, you had opened your inbox to find another submission from one of your regular anonymous listeners whom you affectionately nicknamed Rhaps. Rhapsody Anonymous had begun to pop up in your inbox just last quarter, and it wasn't until recently that you figured out who it was. At first, it seemed completely implausible for Sunwoo to be the face behind the name, because there was no way out of a whole internet of people that he had managed to stumble across your podcast.

To make matters more complex, you had an inkling that he also knew that you were the host of Songbird Station. He had sent you something along the lines of: "Hey Dovey! I stumbled across this song recently that I haven't heard in awhile. It's called Lemonade, and I realize that I've only actually heard the ukulele vers. LOL anyways, I hope you're not too busy this Spring Break and that you've had time to relax. I've always wondered though… have you ever met someone who feels familiar to you? Not like in a 'I've reunited with you after five years' kind of familiar, but like… something more like kindred spirits……"

The whole message had the same amount of sweetness he always used to contact and interact with you, but the recommendation of the song Lemonade simply could not be a mere coincidence. You just couldn't accept that.

You had pondered this for a long time—the possibility of confronting him about his anonymous persona. And of course, there were several things that held you back from doing so. "I mean," you began, pushing off from the wall to slowly pace the little room available, "I don't want to scare him, y'know? Like I'm sure there's a reason why he goes by a pseudonym like I do, and I don't want to burst that bubble.

"Plus," you continued, "what if I'm just thinking about this all wrong? What if I've read the signs completely out of proportion and he's not actually Rhapsody Anonymous? That would just be embarrassing."

You stopped in front of your friends with your hands positioned on your hips and your head quirked to the side in thought.

"Would it really be so bad if you brought it up, like, even subtly?" Sieun asked you, her pink-tinted lips pursed slightly.

Jisung piped up, too, "Yeah, Sunwoo's a pretty cool guy. And based on what I've seen between the two of you and what you've told us, I don't think he would laugh at you or anything."

"I don't think he would laugh at me either," you confessed. "It's just kinda scary."

The two murmured their agreement. Though Sieun was your trio's only extrovert, you actually had no idea how you'd come to be decently close friends with these two. You chalked it up to all frequenting similar social circles. The music program was always a good way to make friends, and you were glad that it had yet to fail you, even in college.

Sieun made a vague gesture with her hand. "I think you should try, though. I'm sure you'll find a way to slide it in," she chuckled.

Jisung snorted. "I have never seen that man so flustered in his life."

"Yeah, he has to be whipped for you, Yn-ie."

A cough from the boy in the room. "Not like you're any more whipped than he is."

"Han Jisung!" You reprimanded, heat swarming to your cheeks.

He broke into a boyish grin, eyes wide and alight like a chipmunk. "What? Don't give me the government name; you know it's true!"

Even Sieun was laughing behind her oh-so delicately placed hand. "He's got a point."

You sighed, wrinkling your nose. "I came for support, not a call out."

"Are those not the same things—AH, I'M SORRY DON'T WHACK ME—!"

— ✶

There was a place on the Avenue with the best lime soda, as Sunwoo had claimed, when the two of you coordinated to get lunch together. Because you had chosen the place of your last hangout, you'd insisted that he chose a place this time. By his texts, he had seemed pleasantly surprised to be hanging out again so soon, and while your nerves were high in anticipation for the coming conversation, you also couldn't wait to spend time with him some more.

You met outside the storefront of a Vietnamese restaurant that you'd only seen in passing, and had yet to try. You glanced up from your phone just as Sunwoo came up from down the road toward you, dressed in jeans and a bomber jacket.

"Hey, sorry to keep you waiting," he said as he swung the door open for you.

You and he ducked inside. "It's no worries," you assured him. "Hope you're not sick of me just yet."

You saw that boyish grin of his as he caught your eyes and signaled the waiter for a table for two. "Never."

When the two of you were seated, your eyes greedily took in the options laid out on the menu. There were just far too many appetizing items—maybe you should have scouted out the menu beforehand.

"Any favorites?" You queried from over the rim of your menu.

Sunwoo was slinging his shoulder bag over his head as you asked this. "Oh, uh, I've been hooked on their shrimp banh xeo ever since my friend Haknyeon introduced me to it. It's like a Vietnamese crepe with stir fried vegetables and a protein. But I think in general, everything is pretty good here."

You hummed. "Mmh, sounds good. And you said the lime soda is really good, too?"

He nodded his head vigorously. "Yes, for sure. That stuff is addicting."

You took his word for it, and soon, the two of you had finished ordering your lunch for the day. A part of you wished you didn't have to disturb the pleasantness of this one-on-one lunch date (was this a date?) with Sunwoo by bringing up the podcast, but what if by clearing the air, it would make your relationship stronger? (Or, it could end in a fiery, hot pile of shit!)

Either way, you would try to get to it as organically as possible.

"So I wanted to talk to you about something." Yes, because this is totally organic, Yn… You grabbed your cup of lime soda and played absentmindedly with the straw.

You gauged his reaction carefully. He perked up. "You—you wanted to talk to me about something?" He parroted, pointing his finger back at himself. "That's not usually good."

"Sorry, no, it's not bad!" You promised. On the way here, you had come up with about a dozen ways to go about this, but at the end of the day, there would only be a yes or no answer. "Do you, by chance, happen to listen to podcasts?"

There was that flicker of recognition over his face, and for a second, he reminded you of something like a puppy with how wide his eyes were. "Uhh," he drawled, scratching his head and feigning nonchalance, "I mean, sometimes. Like casually."

"This might sound weird—"

"Uh-huh."

"—but are you Rhapsody Anonymous?"

If sweat could be animated, that was what you imagined to be dripping down the side of Sunwoo’s face at this moment. He seemed to be figuring out a way to reply. “Would you believe me if I asked you what a Rhapsody Anonymous is?”

“No, not really.”

“What’s a podcast?”

You huffed. “Sunwoo—”

“Okay,” he relented, slumping over slightly. He seemed nervous, in a way, eyes looking anywhere but you, twirling his straw between his thumb and index finger, his foot tapping furiously against the linoleum floor. “I’m sorry! I didn’t really want to bring up the podcast to you because I thought that you enjoyed the anonymity, y’know?” He told you with an apologetic wince. “And I really liked listening to the show, so I thought it wouldn’t hurt to interact with you anonymously, as well, and over time, I thought we’d kinda become friends.”

He peered up at you nervously, and guilt wormed its way into the trenches of your gut. From what it seemed, he must have really thought that you would react negatively to him knowing your podcast-hosting side show.

“We are friends,” you finally said and scooped a lock of hair out of your face. “I’m not like, mad, or anything; it was more of me trying to figure out why you felt so familiar to me. And I’m really honored that you liked my podcast enough to want to interact with me there. It means a lot.”

With your small smile, Sunwoo’s posture flooded with relief. “So you’re not mad that I figured out your identity?”

“Definitely not,” you shook your head. “If anything, I’m relieved. I’ve been wondering about your identity for a while now.”

The corners of Sunwoo’s mouth lifted. “That’s… that’s cool. This is really cool,” he said. He let out a sigh, leaning back to slump in his chair with a dramatic expression of anguish on his face. “You have no idea how much it’s been eating me up inside, Dovey! Like how do you balance your two identities? It takes so much energy for me to make sure I keep them separate.”

“I can tell; you weren’t exactly the most inconspicuous,” you teased.

He sat up. “What do you—”

“Well, you kind of told me things in person that you’ve told to me on anonymous, and vice versa.” You recalled to him the two main instances that gave him away to you. It was amusing to see the way he grew increasingly more flustered as you kept talking about it, but you realized that this was probably incredibly painful for him to hear.

Sunwoo had his head in his hands by the time you were done. “I’m an idiot.”

“You’re not an idiot.”

He shifted slightly so that his cheek rested against one palm. “And to think that I was being all slick and secretive,” he pouted, scrunching up his nose. “You know, I always thought about being friends with you in real life. That one time that I told you about that one Taylor Swift song that reminded me of you?”

“Superstar?”

“Yeah, that’s the one.” He meditated on that thought while sipping his drink. “It just felt right. Like you were far away but also right there in my ear. Does that make sense?”

You knew what the song was about; you could recite the lyrics by heart, and the fact that he associated that song with you… It sent your heart a-flutter. “It does.”

He jolted up so suddenly you nearly fell out of your seat with him. “Not that I’m desperately in love with you or anything,” he added quickly, the words tumbling out of his mouth as fast as he mentally skimmed through the lyrics again and again. His cheeks were tinged with pink, and you were sure that your neck looked as hot as it felt.

You pretended your heart didn’t drop to the pit of your stomach when he said that. You laughed along with him, though you weren’t sure why it sounded like it did. “Oh, right, right. I didn’t think that; don’t worry.” All the butterflies in your stomach drooped.

Sunwoo scrambled to find the right words. “I just mean that I always felt like some average Joe, and you were…” He gestured to you helplessly, “you.”

Your heart couldn’t help but give a sharp pang at that.

“And how could I ever be anything more to you than just another listener in your stats, y’know?”

You never thought that you would have ever given off that kind of vibe toward listeners, or come to mean that much to any members of your audience. It had seemed simply impossible for you to ever become large enough to evoke that kind of feeling in people—a popstar to their fans. You folded your arms over the table and leaned toward him. “Sunwoo, you were never just another listener. You made yourself known to me and you made me feel like I wasn’t alone.”

He slowly met your eyes, and you sat up straighter, reaching toward the paper straw wrapper to fidget with. “I originally started this podcast because I needed a place to talk. After feeling like people were always moving on without me, I was trying to search for validation, and I found that in podcasting. I figured that maybe… if I was feeling these things, then there had to be someone out there who was feeling them, too.

“And the song recommendation and music talk was always a nice bonus,” you added. “I had people send in anonymous submissions, but never as frequently as you did, and it made me feel like I was reaching somebody. Not just a random hit every so often, but somebody.”

Sunwoo’s eyes shone in the artificial lighting inside the restaurant, and outside your little bubble, you barely registered the noises around you. It was just you and Sunwoo in this moment in time and space. He swallowed. “You’re really cool, you know that?”

You grabbed your cup of lime soda and softly knocked it against his. “That’s all you, superstar.”

— ✶

Lunch had progressed much smoother after you had confronted Sunwoo, to say the least. You were convinced, however, that you had to meet this Haknyeon character he kept telling you about. He was the one to recommend the Vietnamese restaurant, and he was going to be your new favorite person. (Sorry, Sunwoo.)

When both you and Sunwoo had finished up with lunch, you didn’t want to cut your time with him short and asked him if he’d ever been up to the Farmer’s Market north of the Ave.

“There’s a Farmer’s Market over there?” His mouth gaped as he let you lead him a couple blocks north.

You grinned, tipping your head up to the sky to soak in the last bits of sunlight before it was about to be blanketed over by gray clouds. “Yeah! It’s really neat. They’ve got one going every week, I think.”

The walk up was an easy one as it was a straight shot from the restaurant to the intersection where white picket fences were set up to barricade the street for vendors to set up in. Pop-up tents of different colors and sizes lined either side of the street as people milled about going from vendor to vendor. This had been one of the few gems you’d found when you transferred here, and though you didn’t often visit, you tried to buy at least a couple things to support the local businesses. The fruit here tasted much better than the ones in-stores, anyway.

You and Sunwoo slipped past the fences and into the throng of people, and you watched his face light up in awe as he took in the sights and smells. There were people selling beaded bracelets and art, farmers tossing blueberries into kids’ mouths… it was a lively slice of community here.

“Wow, this is incredible,” he said, but suddenly stopped short. “Oh my god, they’re selling melon pops, Yn-ie!” He pointed out a stand a little further down the way that he had peered over a few heads for. He grabbed your hand and pulled you along with him. “Come on! I’ll treat you to one.”

It wasn’t like you were going to refuse him.

Within another few minutes, you and Sunwoo had both acquired one melon popsicle each. It was adorable to see him bouncing along on the balls of his feet like a kid on Christmas morning as he lapped up the light green juice dripping down the side of the frozen treat.

“—look how pretty those sunflowers are!” He gasped at one of the stands to your left selling bundles of different flowers.

An idea popped into your head, and you scurried over to the booth and traded a two dollar bill for one of the baby sunflowers. You whirled around to where Sunwoo stood and waited for you. “Stand still,” you said while reaching up to tuck the flower behind his ear.

Before he could comprehend what was happening, you pulled out your phone and snapped a quick picture of him.

Sunwoo’s eyes had gone wide, his cheekbones the same color as the roses in the bundles behind you. “What… just happened,” he asked, blinking, then came over to poke your shoulder to get your attention. He peered over at your phone screen to see that you were setting the photo you took as his new contact photo. He let out a hum, “Wow.”

“It’s cute.” You let him see the picture.

He narrowed his eyes at the screen before finally giving it a nod of approval. “Okay, good enough.”

You scoffed, lightly hitting his arm with the back of your hand. “Good enough? I think it’s perfect.” You finished off the rest of your melon pop and tossed the stick in a nearby trash bin.

(If you’d looked up from your phone at that moment, you would have seen the utter bliss on Sunwoo’s face after hearing you compliment a picture of him and calling it “perfect.” To him, absolutely nothing could ruin this day, this moment, this year for him—!)

One raindrop fell onto your phone screen, followed by another, and another, and ano--

(He should not have spoken so soon.)

“It’s raining,” you observed dumbly, reaching a palm out to feel the pitter-patter of the sky’s tears on your skin. Others around you were beginning to notice, too, either huddling under their nearest tent or the overhangs of establishments lined on the sidewalk.

You figured somebody must have pissed the weather off because the rain only began to drum harder against the world.

"Well, shit," you laughed and patted Sunwoo on the back of his shoulder to move him toward the side of the road. "Let's find shelter!"

The two of you joined the crowd as you scrambled past the tents and up onto the sidewalks. Some people simply went into the shops themselves, but you and Sunwoo took a moment to stare out at the once-clear sky. Strange how springtime weather worked.

Sunwoo finished off his popsicle and found a trash bin to toss the stick into. He ran a hand through his dampened locks, then dragged that same palm down his face. "D'you like a little rain, dove?"

The nickname caught you off-guard for a second, but not as badly as seeing the soft-cornered smile on his face.

You cleared your throat. "I don't mind it. How about you?"

He made a frown at the sky as if he could reprimand nature for crashing the date—wait, this wasn't a date, was it? "It would have been nice if the weather report was accurate for once, but a little walk in the rain never hurt anybody."

You voiced your agreement. The next course of action you both decided on was making the long trek home in the rain together. You tried to stay out of the shower as best as you could, but there definitely weren't enough overhangs to get you home completely dry.

At one of the intersections, Sunwoo looked over at you through his dripping wet bangs. "You don't have a jacket."

On instinct, you glanced down at your bare arms, only clad in a T-shirt. "Oh, I guess I don't," you mused.

"Here—" he shouldered off the black bomber jacket and draped it over your shoulders.

"Sunwoo, I can't—"

"Yes, you can," he laughed and shook his head out. The light turned green to cross, and he wrapped an arm around you to keep you steady along the rain-slicked street.

The jacket and arm around you were both warm, but you had a feeling that even without the jacket, his arm would have been more than enough.

When you'd made it to your apartment complex and bursted into the front lobby, you and Sunwoo practically stood in your own self-made puddles. You took the jacket off from around your shoulders and shook it out; it was a shoddy attempt to get the water out, but at least the material was semi-waterproof on the outside.

"Here you…" Your throat went dry as you made to hand his jacket back to him and zeroed in on the way his wet, white T-shirt stuck flush against his skin. There was no other way to describe it but as see through, and there was no way in hell you were going to be able to erase that defined stomach from your mind. "...Go."

You coughed as you looked away, and he accepted his jacket back with a low "Thanks."

When he zipped his jacket up, you nodded toward the elevator. "Do you wanna come up and dry off before you go out? You can totally borrow my umbrella if you want, too."

He shook his head. "No, it's okay. My apartment's not far, I swear."

"Ah, alright. Get home safe then." You paused, then added, "Text me once you get back?"

Sunwoo flashed you a smile, and man, if you could engrave that smile, the wet hair, into your brain… "Promise. I'll see you soon, superstar."

He reached over and ruffled your hair, then ducked out of your apartment into the rain. Just before he was out of your sight, he turned back and waved at you through the front windows.

You let out an exhale once he had disappeared. A fuzzy feeling lingered in your chest, your smile never leaving your face. You were so far gone.

EPISODE EIGHT: SWERVE LIKE A CHICKEN

ALTHOUGH Spring Break had swept through the university faster than it came, Sunwoo could still say he felt like he was riding on Cloud 9. The beginning of the quarter was easily a more relaxed part of the term, but Spring quarter itself was a whole other nightmare in itself. Everyone around him was beginning to wake up from their break-dazed slumbers to clamber their asses back into uncomfortable lecture chairs and study rooms.

It was the first Tuesday back from Spring Break when he found out you were going to be in a practice room alone for a while, working on a new project. This intel had been courtesy of one Han Jisung, who had been texting Sunwoo off and on about a track he had been mixing with Chan.

han !!: yeah just left cuz my brain was feelin super fried 🤣 dunno how ynies still there

sunwoo's phone: oh fr?? she's still over there?

han !!: yuh bro that's what i just said

han !!: r u gonna do anything abt it 👀😳

sunwoo's phone: i have no clue what ur talking abt

han !!: okay bye chicken

sunwoo's phone: u did not just call me chicken.

han !!: 🐓🐓🐓

Sunwoo walked out of his room and stood in the middle of the apartment, staring blankly at the back of Eric's head. His roommate was seated on the couch setting up a movie, and when he sensed someone was staring at him, he began to say, "Baby!—wait a minute."

Eric made a face. "Never mind, it's just you."

Sunwoo scoffed and flopped onto the opposite end of the couch. "Rude! Before EC!Yn, I used to be your one and only."

"That's actually so incorrect—"

"Do you boys ever not cat-fight?" EC!Yn mused as she came out from the bathroom and found a seat between Eric and Sunwoo. Eric instantly curled an arm around her and pulled her into his side.

Sunwoo considered this with a frown. Why was he so single? "You're lucky I tolerate your boyfriend, EC!Yn," said Sunwoo as he folded his arms over his chest and sunk into the shadows of his hoodie.

"I'm glad you've come to like me more than your own best friend," she drawled in jest. "What's got you in the dumps, my friend?"

Eric perked up, pressing the play button on the TV remote to start the movie. "Oh yeah! You were in such a good mood this morning."

A grumble from the lump of hoodie. "It's nothing."

A moment of silence passed. Then, "He misses Yn."

"I think so, too."

"Do you think if we texted her to text him, he would at least smile?"

"Oh, I think I found her Instagram the other day—"

Sunwoo peered out of his hoodie with narrowed eyes. "I can hear you guys, you know that, right?"

Both Eric and his partner shot him impish grins, delighted that their very obvious conversation brought him out of silence. The thought forced a smile onto Sunwoo's face anyway. Eric's baseball game had been canceled today because the team who they were going up against this week had internal problems (something about an affair between coaches and players—it was complicated). Thus, Eric had decided to fill his afternoon with an impromptu movie session with his girlfriend. Sunwoo was invited by roommate obligation.

There were definitely more productive things that Sunwoo could have been doing (finding a minor, finding a job, finding the answers to his cognitive psych homework, etcetera), but watching… Wait, what were they even watching?

EC!Yn reached over and nudged his shoulder with her knuckles. "Hey, Earth to Kim Sunwoo."

He shook out of his daze. "Huh? Oh, sorry." He sighed, pulling out his phone. "Jisung just told me that Yn's at the practice room working still."

"Still?"

"Yeah," he bobbed his head. "They've been there ever since they finished their composition class this morning."

Eric lowered the volume on the TV. "Dude, you should go keep her company."

Sunwoo's eyes shot open as he began mindlessly scrolling through Instagram. "I don’t wanna bother her; she probably doesn’t wanna be bothered if she’s been working for so long.” The thought had crossed his mind to head over to the practice rooms right now and sit in for a session, but he had shut his own idea down almost immediately. Would you appreciate him going to bug you or would you mind him just going to sit with you and enjoy your presence?

“I was thinking the exact opposite,” said EC!Yn, “I mean, whenever Eric comes over unannounced to come sit with me at the dorm, I appreciate it all the time.”

Eric cooed. “Aw, you do?”

Sunwoo blinked and was suddenly glad he was staring down at his phone and not the couple on the couch next to him. But he glanced up to catch EC!Yn’s eyes. “Do you really think she wouldn’t mind?”

When Eric tucked his face into her neck, she idly scratched his head. “Oh, definitely. I think it’ll be a nice surprise, considering she probably feels the same about you, based on what you’ve already told us.”

“You’re right!” Sunwoo shot up off the couch, but halted. “Wait, she what?”

Eric snorted. “She said that Yn probably feels the same about you, which, if I’m being honest, I can’t believe—”

Sunwoo dashed into his room to grab his wallet and keys. “Nobody asked you!”

— ✶

Coffee. You liked coffee, right?

Sunwoo couldn't quite think straight with the giddy anticipation bubbling in his stomach and up his chest as he balanced twin cups of iced americano in his hands. Taking the bus to the School of Music would have been less effort on his legs, but waiting for it simply did not sit with the amount of energy currently carrying him down the street and up the stairs and across the quad like a madman.

People were probably eyeing him weirdly, but he was trying to come up with things to say to you. Preferably, these things were smooth and not strange fragments that weren't properly strung together. He wanted to look put together, to sound put together.

He was probably going to look frazzled, though, from half-running a mile uphill, but that was okay—he was excited to see you.

The School of Music stood right across from the School of Art building, the twin towers looming above the quad stairs. With school back in session, there were plenty of people milling about the entrance, and somebody graciously opened the door for Sunwoo so he didn't have to awkwardly balance his coffees and risk spilling them to get inside. He hadn't often visited this building, but he had been in here before to visit friends and upperclassmen. Though the architecture was grander, it still had the homey feeling of a high school band room, some place music students could call home.

Sunwoo navigated himself toward the practice rooms in the back hallways, murmuring "excuse me"s and apologies as he sidestepped string bassists and bassoons and snare drums. (He could've sworn there was a whole drum kit in one of these; it was strange seeing someone carrying around a single snare… huh.)

He reached the corridor to turn right into the practice hall when he froze, diving back behind the wall.

"—wait, Yangyang—"

Something in him sunk deep into the pit of his stomach, an anchor to the sea floor. He watched you launch out of your practice room and into Yangyang's arms, both of you hugging each other closely. He had his arms wrapped around you and his cheek against the crown of your head.

Sunwoo couldn't hear what you were saying to each other—if you were saying anything at all.

And you didn't let go. Not yet, at least.

When you did finally let go, the two of you were beaming at each other. It was near impossible to make out what kind of emotion was there from so far away, but Sunwoo couldn't look anymore when Yangyang leaned in towards you—

Sunwoo pressed himself against the wall he was peering around.

Oh.

He struggled to swallow; there was a large lump sitting in his throat that he had to wrestle down.

Disappointment—yeah, that was disappointment.

Before you or Yangyang could come down this way, Sunwoo retraced his steps from where he came until he was back outside. He sucked in a breath, mind abuzz.

He set down the cups of iced coffee, now perspiring, on a ledge nearby, so he could pull out his phone.

It rang twice. "Yo."

"Are you practicing right now?" Sunwoo asked, leaning his body against the railing. His free hand held his face as his brain replayed the events he had just witnessed. Did that mean what he thought he meant? You were totally allowed to see other people—the two of you weren't exclusive—but goddamn, did that hurt to think about.

Was he too late? Had he chickened out so long that you decided to move on, or was he never in the running in the first place?

He heard a bit of shuffling from the other side, then a sigh from Changmin. "Now I'm not. What's up?"

"I'm coming over."

A pause. "...Okay, see you soon."

EPISODE NINE: [YELLS.]

THERE was something different in the air and you could taste it. Not literally, of course, but you figured your paranoia had manifested strong enough within you to be able to sniff these kinds of things out. "These things" referred to the slight difference in the way you interacted with Sunwoo, or rather, how Sunwoo interacted with you.

You turned your phone off again, having checked it for what felt like the fifth time in the past two minutes. Usually, he replied relatively fast, but for the past week or so, he'd been a little more delayed. He didn't text dry, which was a relief, but there was something off about it. You couldn't articulate it too well—it was just a gut feeling.

"Oy, phone away, Yn," Sieun ordered, snapping her fingers and holding her hand out across the table.

You sent her a look, but reluctantly handed your phone over to her. "But—"

"No buts!" She tutted. She hid your phone within the confines of her purse before promptly returning to the warm bowl of biang biang noodles in front of her. "The more you check your phone, the sadder of a sap you look."

"Thanks," you deadpanned, but followed her lead and picked up your chopsticks to eat your food.

The two of you were seated in, arguably, the best Chinese restaurant on the Avenue. It had become a fast favorite of yours when you first transferred, saved for the long days and weeks when you needed something like spice to make you feel anything other than sad. Sieun had suggested coming down here for dinner rather than staying in and eating another round of instant ramen. It was something she knew would cheer you up easily, and so far, it was only half working.

You reached for your water, only to realize it was practically empty.

As if she could read your mind, the waitress taking care of your table appeared at your side and filled your water up for you.

"Oh, thank you!" Your eyes glanced over at her name tag—HN!Yn—and met her kind eyes.

"Of course. Anything else I can get you two?" She asked cheerily, swiftly filling up Sieun's cup, as well, with practiced grace. "Food's good?"

Both you and Sieun nodded your heads vigorously, especially since both of your mouths were now full and you couldn't speak. She seemed to get the idea and hustled over to a nearby table to tend to them. How waiters and waitresses always knew when you had food in your mouth, you could never figure out. It was always absolutely awful timing, but you supposed the skill was akin to Starbucks workers butchering name spellings.

When you finally swallowed your bite, you chased it with a gulp of water. "I don't think I did anything wrong," you said to your friend, pushing around the saucy rice in your bowl with the tips of your chopsticks.

Sieun covered her mouth. "I don't think so either," she replied, eyebrows furrowed. "Maybe he's just busy? It could be that he got a job or something, or school work is piling up."

You frowned. You thought he would have let you know he was going to be a bit busier, but at the same time, he didn't owe you anything. You just worried about him and hoped he wasn't overworking himself. It didn't help that you missed hanging out with him; it didn't feel like it used to between you just last week.

From behind you, you heard the door to the restaurant open and close with a loud smack! The door to the restaurant was awfully loud when it closed, unless it was carefully done. Something about the angle at which it was constructed, or something like that.

Sieun's brows flew up. "Speak of the devil," she muttered with her food pushed into her cheek.

"Hm?" You hummed and twisted around in your seat to see who she was referring to.

Oh. Well, she definitely wasn't wrong, per se.

Coming in through the door himself was Kim Sunwoo, as well as a few of his own friends, you guessed. You recognized one of them as Ji Changmin, one of the dancers from the winter showcase. Besides those two, there were four others, too—three other boys and a girl. You didn't recognize any of them, but you saw the way your waitress greeted them and squeezed one of the boys' hands.

You and Sunwoo made eye contact, and you shot him a small smile, lifting your fingers in a wave.

He seemed surprised to see you, and you didn't fault him for that. His wave was slight and smile shy, but you couldn't figure out why he ducked his head and didn't come by and say hi.

They're being seated for dinner, Yn. It's okay. Chill a little.

You turned back in your seat to face Sieun and your food again.

"Hey, cheer up, girl." Sieun's smile was sympathetic as she caught your attention. You hadn't even noticed how your posture noticeably slumped after that interaction—if one could even call it that. "Don't let this ruin your dinner, okay?"

You sighed out of your nose, testing your chopsticks over the rim of your bowl. "You're right. I don't know, Eun. It feels like we regressed? Is he avoiding me? Am I overthinking this?"

"I'm not sure, hon," she told you. "It'll be okay, though. I promise. Are you ready for the check?"

You nodded, reaching for your napkin to wipe your mouth.

Sieun lifted her hand and caught your waitress's attention, then made a motion for the bill. HN!Yn was quick to bring it over and set the little black tray with the receipt onto the edge of your table. In her hands she held a small device to input your method of payment.

"Are we splitting the bill today, ladies?" She asked you, eyes flickering between you both.

"Yeah, evenly split would be great, please," you told her.

Sieun leaned over to peer at the receipt as you reached into your bag to grab your card. Her face contorted into confusion, and she ran her finger over a line as if reading over it again carefully. "Oh, uhm, excuse me. It says we get a discount—not that I'm complaining! But…"

HN!Yn smiled. "Ah, you're friends with Sunwoo, right? That's what he told me, at least. I always give my partner and his friends my Friends & Family discount, so don't worry about it. I appreciate your integrity though."

You and Sieun exchanged wide-eyed glances, blinking, then turned to peer over at where Sunwoo's friend group sat. One of the boys sitting next to him whacked his arm to get his attention, nodding toward your table.

Sunwoo looked up.

Your head tilted to the side and you mouthed a "thank you?" to him, unsure of why he went out of his way to help you out.

He only nodded before ducking his head again. Huh. You'd have to thank him properly later.

HN!Yn was quick to help you and Sieun box your meals and finish paying. Before long, you tucked your arm around Sieun's to push out into the cool evening—not without glancing back at Sunwoo's table first.

— ✶

"She looks sad. Why is she sad?" Sunwoo sulked, lying atop his folded arms on the table and staring at you through the space between Haknyeon and JC!Yn.

You were the last person he thought he'd see when he and his friends walked into Haknyeon's favorite Chinese restaurant. You and your friend were pretty much wrapping up dinner when they'd come in, and he was quite literally startled by your presence. He'd been walking around on eggshells, he felt, all because of this stupid situation he'd forced himself into.

It was stupid. Yeah… it was stupid.

Changmin delivered a light whack to the back of Sunwoo's head. "You're dumb."

Sunwoo sat up and cupped the back of his head, leveling a glare at his friend. "Hello?"

"He's not exactly wrong," said Chanhee from the other side of him as he texted someone on his phone.

Sunwoo pressed his lips together and looked across the table from him at JC!Yn in a silent cry for help. The woman could only lift her shoulders half-heartedly. That meant that she agreed with them… great.

Eric snapped his wooden chopsticks apart and began using either stick to smooth the other for splinters. "We're saying you're dumb because you're doing this to yourself and to her unnecessarily."

Sunwoo huffed. "That's because you guys weren't there to see it happen! They're totally together—or at least, close." It still felt awful to think about. It felt like there was a hole in his chest left empty after considering the possibility that he was too late. He didn't want to get hurt.

"You can still talk to her like you used to, Sunwoo-ah," Haknyeon chimed in. "Even if they were—and I'm not saying they are—together, there's still a healthy amount of space where you can dwell as her friend."

HN!Yn appeared at the head of the table with a tray of water, and everyone pitched in to pass the cups down. "Thanks, guys," she said, tucking the tray under her arm. "Are you guys ready to order?" The question was directed towards the rest of the table, but Sunwoo saw the way her eyes lingered on Haknyeon and how Haknyeon's smile shifted to something that Sunwoo was sure was only for her.

It made him feel strange again.

The group, as usual, trusted Haknyeon's choices in dishes and let him take the reins in deciding what they ate tonight. Once HN!Yn had headed off into the kitchen to deliver their order, conversation resumed swiftly.

"I think you're just scared, Sunwoo," JC!Yn said to him over the rim of her glass of water.

Murmurs of agreement resounded from all around the table. Sunwoo's jaw fell open. "I—I am not scared. What would I be scared of?"

"The truth! Oooh," Eric pursed his lips and wiggled his fingers in Sunwoo's direction.

Sunwoo promptly smacked Eric's hand away.

"If you weren't scared of the truth," said Haknyeon, as he propped his elbows onto the table, "you would have gone up to her in that hallway."

"Didn't she tell you that she didn't see Yangyang that way anyways?" Chanhee chimed in. He was still going at it texting whoever it was on his phone.

"But she also said she wanted to give it a second chance," Sunwoo corrected.

Changmin scratched behind his ear and grabbed sauce trays from the end of the table to pass down to everyone else. "That was before she started hanging out with you some more. What is your point?"

They all made excellent points, he thought. That afternoon he'd seen you and Yangyang, he'd gone to meet Changmin in one of the dance practice rooms. After that, he'd gone home to yell into his pillow until his throat burned. Eric had muttered something about Sunwoo being dramatic and summoned JC!Yn over to the apartment to deal with him.

Sunwoo had just been bummed. He didn't even know if bummed was a strong enough word.

"I'm just scared of getting hurt, I guess," he finally admitted, meekly.

The table quieted to allow him room to speak his mind, and even Chanhee put his phone away to give him his full attention now. It wasn't often Sunwoo wore his heart on his sleeve like this, and it wasn't easy either. For anyone. Admitting to his fears in the middle of a Chinese restaurant while five of one's friends listened in was intimidating, but it was comforting to know that these friends he kept would find a way to support him. Even if he was being stupid, their tough love was out of desire to look out for him.

When he was done, Changmin clasped a warm hand on his shoulder and his dimple pressed into his cheek. "Sunwoo-yah, I think that you second guess yourself too much and you know that. You're self aware enough to know that you make the mistake of not going for what or who you want."

Sunwoo stared at an impurity in the table. What Changmin was saying hit the nail on the head—it was what happened with the dance showcase, too, and now he was about to let it ruin a friendship he had with a person he cared very much about.

"My advice," Changmin continued, "is to talk to her about what you saw and clarify it. I know it's… I know it's scary thinking you're gonna get hurt again, but I think you'll feel a lot better afterward."

EPISODE TEN: SUPERSTAR, I'M NOT TOO FAR

your phone: hey thanks for the fnf discount last night! sorry i didn't thank u properly before, but yeah, really appreciate it :')

sunshine (sunwoo): it was no problem, dw abt it!

your phone: btw is everything okay? u seem a bit distant lately and i wanted to make sure u were doing alright

sunshine (sunwoo): ah yeah, im sorry :( there's just been some things on my mind

You shot Sunwoo a quick text back to let him know you were here if he wanted anyone to talk to. His text had just come in after you'd sent him a reply in the early evening.

"Yn-ah. Still on your phone, I see?"

You jolted and shoved your device into the pocket of your jeans, smiling sheepishly as Lee Jihoon power-walked into the backstage area with a pen behind his ear and a clipboard in hand. "Hi, Jihoon!" You squeaked.

He lifted his eyebrows at you, motioning for you to come follow him. Since everyone was back from Spring Break, the work for the play being performed was kicked into high gear. Jihoon was a graduate student at the university and a director of the stage here; adding the fact that he majored in the same thing you did also made him one of your favorite mentors ever. The back hallways were bustling with costumes, props and other assorted technicians while most of the actors were either in the main backstage area or onstage proper with the play director, HJ!Yn.

You followed swiftly after him and weaved through the people littered about the corridors. "I finished synching the panel back here with the projector in the box," you told him, "though, it's weird that it was ever undone in the first place." You frowned. There had been a lot of strange things happening in the theater lately.

Jihoon gave you a curt nod and set you up in front of one of the house lights panels located in the hallway leading right out to the audience. He pointed at it with the back of his pen. "Yeah, some funky shit's been happening around here," he sighed. "You were here the other night when the speakers were acting weird, right?"

You nodded and let him guide you through navigating this backup panel. "I was. You and Chan seemed really stressed."

"We were," he said, adjusting his cap. "We really do need some more funding to update our equipment—careful, that knob is really sensitive. Good, nice work."

Once you and Jihoon had successfully finished with this panel, you lingered in the hallway for a moment. Normally, you would switch back and forth between shadowing either Chan or Jihoon, and tonight was with the latter. He was going through a couple forms on his clipboard—he must have been reading through them while working tonight.

"You seem distracted tonight, Yn-ie," he said. "Is everything okay?"

Despite being one of the busiest and hardest workers here, Jihoon was also one of the most observant, still. You leaned against the wall next to him, toeing at the floor. "Boys are stupid, right?"

Without hesitation or looking up from his clipboard, he replied, "As a boy, I can confirm."

That made you sputter out a laugh, and you saw him glance up and flash you a smile. When you couldn't find something else to say, he went forth. "I don't know the whole situation, and you don't have to tell me anything. But we guys are a little—" he made a gesture with his hands and wrinkled his nose, "—blind. You probably know that already, but dudes are dumbasses, and sometimes when feelings get in the way, they want to run for the hills.

"But if you think he's worth it, then reach out and be forward with him. And if he cares about you, he'll reach out and be honest," he finished. He let you settle with that thought, let it marinate in your brain to give you something to think about. (As if you didn't have a lot to think about already.)

You pressed your lips together with a slow nod. "Thanks Jihoon."

"Anytime, Yn-ie." He nodded back toward the direction you both had come from. "Let's go back that way, yeah? We've got some more housekeeping to take care of."

— ✶

Sunwoo was in trouble.

"...I thought I'd recommend a song that's been on my mind. I've actually been listening to quite a few Taylor Swift songs recently, especially since she's re-recording all her albums! So here's 'Superstar' from Fearless, Taylor's Version."

He had put your most recent podcast episode on full volume while he made himself dinner. It had been a long day today, and so his automatic thought was to listen to you. But now that he was getting into the meat of the episode, he was quickly coming to realize how much trouble he was in. You were playing the song, and it was a direct call out to him to wake the fuck up.

As the song faded to a close, your voice came back on.

"Actually, I was recommended the song by someone I know," you said in the mellow tone you'd been in for the entire episode so far. "I guess I'm just confused and I was wondering if they really meant what they said."

Sunwoo nearly dropped the egg in his hand onto the kitchen floor. Guilt swirled around in the bubbles of the soup in the pot and he frowned down at the rich, creamy liquid.

He sighed, tapping the egg against the counter and cracking its innards into the pot. "Of course, I really meant it," he said as if you could hear him. He wished he had the guts to tell you everything that was going on in his head… As his soup boiled away, he leaned against the empty counter to wait, cradling his head in his hands, groaning. "You're being unfair, Sunwoo."

"...This one's from Peony! They say: almost didn't realize Rhaps Anon wasn't in the last episode until the very end when we hadn't gotten a rec from them. Hope they're doing okay!" Ah, so you weren't the only one who noticed his brief absence. Your sigh filled the apartment, though, he heard the way you tried to force some kind of cheeriness into it. "Yeah, I hope they're doing okay too. But Rhaps'll be back! Let's all wish them well. Fighting!—"

Oh, man. Now he felt even worse.

He really needed to talk to you. Oh god, he really needed to talk to you. If not to confess, then to clear the air and assure you that all was okay on his end. He was just being a coward, and he knew that well enough now.

When his dinner had finished, Sunwoo turned the flame off and headed for his phone on the opposite counter. He lowered the volume as he went in and pulled up his text thread with you.

sunwoo's phone: hey,, i know ur probs busy w the play this week, but is there a possibility for me to see you sometime soon? i wanted to talk to u abt something

He gnawed on his bottom lip as he awaited your answer, until he realized you were probably working. That made him drop his phone and return to his dinner—maybe he just needed to not look, so his anxiety wasn't so high—

His phone buzzed and he bolted back over.

superstar 💫: i think i'll prob have some time saturday morning

EPISODE ELEVEN: [SOMEONE'S LOOKING OUT FOR YOU, LOSERS.]

YOU asked Sunwoo if he'd like to tag along with you as you did some grocery shopping before rehearsal on Saturday morning. His answer had been automatic, and you both agreed to meet each other at the bus stop to ride down to the larger supermarket down the hill together. Even as you stood at the corner of your street waiting for him beneath the overhang, you were trying to come up with possible things he was going to say to you. You had figured, when he’d texted you Wednesday night, that perhaps the best way to go about this would be to make this casual. Hence, why you were forcing yourself to go grocery shopping a day earlier than you usually did.

Casual, in this case, called for “you don’t have stare me in the eyes the entire time,” and to be frank, you were a little too nervous for that kind of setting anyway.

You tugged the edges of your cardigan over you as you heard your name being called from the opposing street. Sunwoo was bounding his way over to you with his arm raised in greeting. You returned the gesture with a soft smile. “Hey.”

He stopped by you, shoving his hands into the pockets of his gray jacket. “Hi,” he said, licking his lips. “Thanks for agreeing to meet with me.”

The bus slowed to a halt in front of your stop, and the two of you retrieved your transportation cards to board. “You say that like I wouldn’t have agreed,” you chuckled and tapped your card, Sunwoo following suit.

The two of you managed to find a pair of empty seats near the second half of the vehicle where the exit was for an easy departure when you reached the foot of the hill. But for now, you tucked your bag onto your lap and settled into the window seat, while Sunwoo occupied the one next to you.

You turned your head to gaze out the window and watch the world blur by as you did. The Avenue streets were a tad narrower than most around the university, so the bus traveled as efficiently as it could from stop to stop before turning the block to make its descent. It was technically still morning, and though it was spring, the sky had decided to blanket the sunshine with gray clouds to form an atmosphere that reminded you distinctly of the past winter quarter. Except, instead of thin, empty branches, the streets and walkways were encased in darkening green leaves and falling pink petals, a nod to the short-lived cherry blossom season. From the corner of your eye, you saw Sunwoo’s foot start to tap against the ground like Thumper the Rabbit, and you wondered for the millionth time what was going on in that pretty head of his.

“I don’t really understand,” you found yourself saying—his head swiveled—and you turned to look at him, “did I do something wrong?”

Sunwoo stammered, "What? No, it wasn't you! It wasn't your fault at all—I was just—" he sighed, grimacing to himself. "I was just being stupid. And I know that sounds super vague, but the short answer is that I was being stupid and scared and insecure."

Your brows furrowed and you felt the bus come to a gentle stop at the foot of the hill. "Scared and insecure? What's going on; is everything okay?"

You both got up to make a quick exit off the bus and began making the short walk from the bus station into the outdoor shopping center.

There was a jittery bounce to Sunwoo's steps as well as a tension in his shoulders. "Last week," he began, "Jisung told me that he'd just left you at the practice room and that you were probably going to be there awhile."

You nodded, grabbing a basket at the front of the grocery store. That rang a bell for sure. It had been a very long day in the practice room, so you weren't quite sure what direction this was going in yet.

"Well, I wanted to go surprise you and come hang out with you. You know, like, to keep you company." He started scouring the opposite shelf to you in the dried foods aisle, his eyes nervously darting from the BUY ONE, GET ONE pasta noodles deal signs, to your person. "And when I got there, I saw you and Yangyang."

Me and Yangyang…? Oh, me and Yangyang.

It was like a lightbulb went off in your head, and you stopped pretending to look at the overpriced vermicelli noodles on the shelf behind you.

"And you guys were hugging and close and stuff—and by all means! I—I have no problem with that, of course," he added quickly, "I mean, you guys are really close… friends? And I just saw him lean toward you and left because I… I got the message." The latter portion was delivered in a defeated tone as he looked on toward you helplessly and sorrowfully. It was how Sieun described you Tuesday night when you'd seen Sunwoo at the restaurant: a sad sap.

You both stopped moving down the aisle to face each other. In the white, fluorescent supermarket lights, his hair hung in his eyes like his head in embarrassment. You were going to let him finish.

He cupped the back of his head, suddenly feeling so bare before you despite not being physically naked at all. "I thought some space might distinguish or extinguish my feelings for you," he continued, nose wrinkling and lip curling in a wince. "Clearly it didn't help, and I think overall, I realized I wasn't being fair to you—as a friend. And that I was also being the biggest fucking loser ever."

Wait, you were still reeling from the mentions about feelings—

Before you could even address the aforementioned, you had to make something clear first. You felt the corners of your lips lift. "Sunwoo, me and Yangyang really are just friends." At the confused, puppy-dog look in his eyes, you explained further, "That day, Yangyang came by and I made it clear to him that I just saw him as a friend. I felt really awful for feeling like I'd led him on and was going to lose his friendship."

Sunwoo's mouth opened, then closed, then opened again, and he struggled to come up with the response he wanted. "So… so when he was leaning in toward you…"

"He leaned in and flicked my nose, then almost gave me a nosebleed," you chuckled. You'd given him a very appropriate flick to the forehead after that.

His eyes widened at that. "Well shit. Are you okay?" He asked, and you saw his smile slowly begin to make its appearance, the sun peeking through an overcast sky.

"Yeah, perfectly fine," you dismissed with a flick of your hand. "Especially now. But yeah, we're just friends."

There was a surge of relief in his tense shoulders. "Oh, okay."

He trailed after you as you continued to make your way down this aisle in particular to pick up the things that were on your shopping list.

At one point, he coughed, handing you the jar of red peppers you were reaching for. "So no hard feelings, right? I promise it will be totally back to normal!"

"Normal, as in back to before?"

He nodded eagerly. "Yeah! To be honest, Dovey, I was just kind of scared that I had lost my chance after waiting so long. I don't know. And I realized that I was just scared to face that fact."

You gauged his reaction and your own heart thundered in your chest. "Scared to face the fact that you'd lost your chance with me?"

"Well, yeah. I—" He stopped and froze like a deer in headlights. And in any other circumstance, you would have been laughing, but he seemed so distraught by what he just admitted to that you tried hard to suppress your amusement. Tried. "I just said that aloud, huh."

Nodding, you grinned fondly. "You did."

He smiled, cute and flustered, cheeks tinted pink. "You're always too easy a person to talk to," he muttered.

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"I would've said something sooner…" He began.

Something jumped to attention in your brain. Oh no. "Was I giving you mixed signals?" You pursed your lips like you'd just gotten into something sour. "'Cause I swore I thought my attraction to you was clear. And, like, the thing where I totally began rethinking my thoughts about Yangyang when you came into the picture—"

"Wow, so Changmin was right?" Sunwoo made a face, holding his hand against his forehead. "That's crazy."

"Crazy good or…?"

He chuckled, and you couldn't help but admire the twinkle in his eyes as he did. "Crazy so good."

"I don't think people actually say that."

He whined, "Yah, you can't already be clowning me. Not when I just confessed that I like you."

That made you sober up, but you couldn't say the same for your heart rate. Man, your BPM alone could probably power a bullet train… "I like you, too. I hope that's clear."

There you two stood in the middle of the dried foods aisle with twin smiles glowing on your faces, soft and shared. You didn't know what the BOGO pasta was doing, but it was definitely adding to the atmosphere. You had intended for running errands to distract you from whatever Sunwoo had wanted to talk to you about, but clearly that was not the case—it would have never worked like that. You would be damned to have missed something like this. Not with him.

Perhaps he had made a mistake—he was now apologizing and clarifying and trying. You could hear Jihoon's words of wisdom ring loud and clear in your head. There was something perfectly fine about how this turned out.

"No more mixed signals?"

"No more mixed signals," he agreed.

— ✶

The remainder of your errand run with Sunwoo had gone smoothly, and soon, you were both seated side by side once more on the bus up to the University District. Sunwoo had gotten a couple things for his fridge, too, and so you both sat with your grocery bags by each other and your fingers grazing the other. Ever since you had clarified your position with Sunwoo a little over an hour ago, you had been feeling much lighter, your heart skipping for a different reason. You were back to feeling the giddy excitement you always had around him, and especially since you knew he saw you in exactly the same way.

The two of you shared a laugh as you stepped off the bus and onto your block, grocery bags in hand.

“—I’m being completely serious! Apparently I was just snot-nosed wailing into her shirt about being single and forever alone,” Sunwoo guffawed, grinning wide at you as you both stopped to the side of the walkway. “And Eric was pissed, oh my god.”

“I mean, you just kiss-blocked him; kind of understandable,” you mused.

Sunwoo sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Aye, I know. He’s a good guy though. Total loser, but a good loser. He made me hangover soup the next day.”

You let out a laugh, walking slowly with him down toward the entrance of your apartment complex. "That was sweet of him."

He snorted, "A little out of character, but yeah."

"You know," you piped up, "when I was applying and eventually interviewing for the position with Chan and Jihoon, I had no idea what either of them looked like. So I accidentally—woah, shi—"

Somebody coming down the sidewalk toward you crashed into your shoulder and sent you careening toward the sidewalk. Sunwoo swore as you let out a squeak—his arm looping around your waist and hauling you against him to steady you.

He lifted his head in the direction of the person with a glower on his face. "Hey! Dude, watch where you're going!"

"Thanks," you said sheepishly.

He turned to fix you with a smile, and you saw the moment he realized the position you were both in: you pressed firmly up against the side of his body, his arm wrapped around you, your faces so close to one another… He released his hold on you, neck burning as he cupped the back of it. "Heh, yeah. It's no problem. People should just really watch where they're going."

You coughed and nodded your head. "Yeah, for sure."

The pair of you were now in front of your apartment complex once more, reluctant to say goodbye. You wondered if he would ask to spend more time with you, but you had a feeling that he wouldn't want to intrude on your time any longer. It wasn't like he was intruding to you, but it was just a feeling you had about him. He wanted to respect your time.

And, well, you both had groceries to put away.

"So I'll uh, talk to you soon then?" You asked him, holding your grocery bags in front of you.

He peered at you through his lashes. "Definitely."

"This morning turned out way better than I thought it would, to be honest."

"Yeah no, same here," he echoed. "I'm just glad you actually gave me another chance."

You reached over and gave his shoulder a playful punch. "How could I not? I've always believed in you."

That seemed to ignite something inside of him. He jutted his bottom lip out and whined, "Oh my god, you can't just say that! You're so—wah."

You giggled, watching him squirm like he was being jolted by electricity. "Hey man, sometimes you've gotta be straightforward."

"Yeah, I know." He sobered slightly and took a step forward. Your heart clambered around in your chest and rattled your ribcage. There was this look in his eyes that made you glance at his lips—his perfect, plush, pink lips.

You held still, held your whole fucking breath, as he turned his head and kissed your cheek. It was feather-light, barely there, and yet, all the heat in your body seemed to rush to that single spot in a millisecond.

When he pulled away, his voice was soft. "How's that for straightforward?"

EPISODE TWELVE: ONE LOVE SONG CAN'T CONVEY HOW I FEEL FOR YOU, SO HERE'S TWENTY—

SUNWOO imagined that he looked as cartoonish as any man in love could. There had to be hearts in eyes, hearts around his head, hearts on a glittery pink trail that carried him everywhere he went. He giggled to himself as he fished his house keys from his pocket and unlocked the front door to let himself in.

"Oh my god. We've properly lost him."

With a loud, war-like AHHH!, Sunwoo yelped and nearly dropped his groceries, struggling to hold the bags to his chest as he pressed himself against the back of the front door. His apartment filled with high-pitched cackles of delight.

Though his heart was going through about a million cartwheels a second, he managed to force the fear from his eyes as embarrassment flooded his system. He flared his nostrils, frowning and tipping his head against the door. "I hate you guys!"

"You should hate Eric for giving JC!Yn your apartment key," Changmin wheezed, slapping his hands together and rolling around on the living room carpet as he pointed and laughed at Sunwoo's absolute misery. "You should've seen your face!"

Chanhee was on the couch with his legs curled up into his chest as he had his phone out, recording the entire thing. "This one's going in the drunk Sunwoo folder."

"Yah, I'm not even drunk!"

Chanhee shrugged. "It's become your general meme folder now. We should probably rename it."

Sunwoo whipped his head toward JC!Yn, who was seated on the opposite end of the couch with an amused smile on her face. "Noona! Are you just gonna let them bully me like this?"

Her smile widened. "Sorry, Sunwoo, but we didn't think you would miss us completely when you came in."

He let out a loud groan, fragging himself over to the kitchen so he could set the grocery bags on the counter and begin to unload them. "What're you guys doing here anyways? Isn't it Saturday morning? Where's Kei?" He asked, unloading a carton of juice from the bag and slotting it into the fridge.

Kei was JC!Yn's roommate, and the two girls always went on a grocery shopping date every Saturday morning with Changmin and Chanhee. They often made Changmin drive since he had the biggest car, and grocery shopping was an exclusive event that only the four of them were allowed to partake in. Eric, Sunwoo, and even Jacob had expressed distaste at that elitism. One of these days, they were bound to let someone else join… right?

But regardless, that always meant that Saturday mornings were occupied for them. So why were three-quarters of the group currently invading Sunwoo's apartment?

Changmin sat up from his place on the floor and fixed Sunwoo with a grin that made him nervous. "We dropped her off at their place, and we did go shopping this morning, but you'll never guess the curious thing we witnessed while we were there." His giggles sent a doom-like shiver down Sunwoo's spine.

Then it clicked.

Sunwoo abruptly stopped taking dried noodle packages out of the grocery bag. "You're kidding."

A snort from Chanhee. "Oh, you wish."

Sunwoo bashed his head against his sweater-covered palms. "No."

"Yes!" Changmin shrieked.

"I didn't know you guys went to that supermarket!" Sunwoo wailed, throwing his head back toward the ceiling. "You guys saw us?"

JC!Yn rested her chin against her arm as she leaned over the back of the couch to face him. "We heard you, too. I'm glad you decided to own up to your chicken-ness. See? Wasn't so scary after all."

Well, he couldn't exactly agree with that. But he also couldn't disagree with it. He'd been so scared he was about to lose your friendship then for being so insecure for no reason. A simple clarifying question could have saved the both of you so much strife. But the conversation also reaped rewards: your mutual confessions.

He sulked and didn't say anything.

"It was cute though, Sunwoo-ah," said Chanhee with a teasing lilt to his smile.

"And also," Changmin cut in, "what do you mean 'so Changmin was right? That's crazy?!'"

Sunwoo snorted. "Now that, I have nothing to say to."

"So what's the deal now?" JC!Yn asked. "Are you two dating now or…?"

Oh. Another long pause, then— "Oh my god, you didn't ask her out?"

"Hey! Listen!" Sunwoo yelled in an attempt to defend himself.

"We're listening." Chanhee folded his arms over his chest with a less than impressed look on his face. He scoffed. "I can't believe you pull."

"Shut up!"

"He hasn't even asked her out yet—how can he pull?" Changmin quipped back with frenzied gesticulations.

Sunwoo groaned as he flopped over the counter. He couldn't believe he was having such a good morning, and now he was being berated once more for his stupidity. How could he not ask you out? It was right there! The opportunity had presented itself a multitude of times, and yet, why was he still here, dateless?

Then there came the thought of how to go about this. There was a part of him who thought that just asking you was probably fine. But the other part remembered how much he liked you—so texting was simply not an option. It had to have some pizzazz, a bit of oomph, to it.

"We can see the gears turning in your head, Sunwoo," said JC!Yn. "What's on your mind, bub?"

Sunwoo looked up from where he had smattered himself onto the kitchen counter like a pancake. "I have no rizz."

Chanhee coughed. "Well, that's not news."

Sunwoo sent him a scowl. "How should I ask her out? I kind of want it to be special, you know?"

"Hmm." JC!Yn pursed her lips, tapping her chin in thought. "The other day, I was talking to Sangyeon about music or something or other, and he showed me the playlist he'd made his girlfriend—"

"His fake girlfriend," Changmin corrected with a little smirk.

She rolled his eyes. "I'm pretty sure Lee Sangyeon is not sad enough to make fake playlists for his fake girlfriend." It was a known inside joke amongst the friend group that Sangyeon had a "secret girlfriend" stashed away somewhere. A few of them liked to joke that she either didn't actually exist or that he kept her locked in his laundry machine or something. Mostly, though, they just wanted to know if he actually was single or not. What was the point of keeping her a secret anyway?

The slight change in victim brought Sunwoo's mood up. "What about the playlist, noona?"

She blinked, turning her attention back to her original train of thought. "Oh, right. What if you made her one of those cute, romantic playlists?"

The four of them exchanged glances with one another. It was a silent form of communication, one that had one uniform thought running through the wire.

— ✶

You'd received a text from Sunwoo about thirty minutes ago asking if he could stop by your apartment to drop off something of yours. Apparently, in the madness of the checkout aisle at the grocery store, he had accidentally "stolen" one of your cans of chicken noodle soup.

You hadn't bought chicken noodle soup though.

This was why you now anxiously awaited his arrival for the real reason he wanted to stop by. You had literally just seen him about an hour or two ago, but you'd be lying if you said you were happy at the prospect of seeing him again so soon. Your cheek still seared from his kiss.

As if he could read your thoughts, you heard a loud series of knocks at the door.

"Coming!" You called, hustling over from your living space area and over to the door.

After peeking through the peephole, you definitely saw Sunwoo, but what he was holding was nowhere near the likeness of a can of chicken noodle soup.

In a hurry, you ripped the door open, lips parted at the bundle of bright colored blooms in his hands. Sunflowers and carnations and lilies and roses—

He peered out sheepishly from behind the bouquet with his other hand occupied by his open phone. "Hi," he peeped.

"Hey," you exhaled, a grin fighting its way onto your face.

"If I made you a playlist, would you go out with me?"

You blinked, heartbeat rocketing into high gear. "Sunwoo," you started with a disbelieving laugh, "you don't have to—"

His thumb lowered onto a button on his phone. "Whoopsies, already did it."

Right on cue, you heard your phone buzz from your pocket. Curious, you withdrew it and opened the text message from him with a link to a Spotify playlist entitled: "One love song can't convey how I feel for you, so here's twenty."

You could have melted into a puddle of ooey-gooey goodness. "Sunwoo," you lamented, smiling way too wide now.

He beamed back at you. "What do you say?"

You shook your head, throwing your arms around him as he laughed and hugged you back. "You're so cute. Yes, I'll go out with you."

He gave you a little, warm squeeze. "Oh, thank god. I thought I was gonna die from anticipation."

You laughed and smiled into his shoulder. When you pulled away, your hand gently reached for the side of his face. "What if I kissed you right now?"

His eyes widened a smidge. "What if you wha--"

You cut him off and pressed your lips to his briefly, then pulled back.

"Wait, wait. Come back here," he murmured, chasing after you and crushing his mouth against yours. And it was perfect. Everything was perfect. The feel of his lips, the smell of his cologne, the firmness of his shoulders beneath your grip and the perfect pressure as you both sealed the deal with a kiss.

The two of you pulled away at the same time with labored breaths, foreheads meshed together as you caught your breath.

"You're not gonna turn this into a podcast episode, are you?" He asked, voice low and raspy, yet laced in a playful tonic.

You teased him right back. "As long as it doesn't end poorly."

He chuckled, and you could feel the vibrations of his laugh against your lips. "Then I guess I'll just have to make it the best date ever."

"Don't worry," you said with a cheeky hand on his chest, "I believe in you."

With a laugh, he grazed his lips over yours again. "Thanks, superstar."

a/n: hihi!! thanks so much for reading <3 if you enjoyed, i would deeply appreciate a comment, reblog, or an ask to tell me what u thought about it! much love, onto kevin's !!

permanent taglist: @flwoie @vatterie @seomisaho @hqrana @ja4hyvn @tinkerbell460 @kaaimins @hyunjaespresent-deobi @otterly-fey @zzoguri @floatingpluto @winterchimez @ethereal-engene @gyulfriend @polarisjisung @jaehunnyy @shakalakaboomboo @loveliestfelix @sodafy @zhaixiaowen @leaz-kpop-life @amourdsr @pxppxrminty @kqyutie @sseastar-main @kxthleen14 @fluorescentloves @mosviqu @justalildumpling @jaerisdiction @hibernatinghamster @super-btstrash-posts @jundundun @kflixnet

[nyashykyunnie]

Hi. Big fan of Solo Leveling.

Could you write Sung Jinwoo Reader. Like Reader is a powerful mage that got isekai into Solo Leveling and saved E-Rank Jinwoo from last second killing attack in a dungeon.

hope that it didn’t sound too much.😅

a/n: LOVE THIS IDEA. THOUGH I'M STILL GONNA KEEP JINWOO'S D***H SINCE IT'S HOW HE UNLOCKS HIS PLAYER PRIVELAGES!!! Let's all also admire the fact that our baby woowoo is so cute back then. Look at our lil skrunkly !!! Also I'm sorry that this isn't good. My brain is really still so empty and tired.

Sung Jinwoo x Gn! Isekaid! Mage! Reader

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕘 𝕁𝕚𝕟𝕨𝕠𝕠˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ

・┆✦ Entry : 007 ✦ ┆・

﹢　˖    　✦      ¸ .　﹢　 ° 　¸.    ° ˖ ･ ·̩　　 ｡　☆.     　﹢　˖    　✦      ¸ .

You tried your best. Really. You did.

But the inevitable had to happen.

Somehow, despite being so powerful alread— You still failed to protect him.

Jinwoo lay on the altar with his amputated leg bleeding uncontrollably, his eyes clearly far gone into the afterlife.

You scream, and scream, cursing at the gods— The architect, at yourself.

Why didn't it work? You're powerful, you should have been able to save him.

You've read the novel and manhwa over and over.

You've been blessed by such outstanding powers.

So why couldn't you?

Just as you were about to insult yourself over and over— A brilliant light has suddenly burst out of nowhere.

Jinwoo.

The brilliant light only lasted for a total 10 or 5 seconds before it disappeared.

There, you see him, on the altar still covered in his own blood— But nonetheless, his injuries were gone and Jinwoo was only unconcious.

You carried Jinwoo on your back and rushed to the hospital.

After calming down, you realized that his death was really inevitable.

His story is already written after all, you can't alter faith no matter how powerful you are.

You're just a mage blessed with incredible power. You're not a god.

But there's still a chance for you to make it up to him.

You are powerful after all. You can just guide Jinwoo.

Lessen the burdens on his shoulders. Eliminate the unnecesary threat for him.

Protect him as he grows.

And soon enough, you blink, two blinks—

In your place of being a protector, Jinwoo switched sides with you.

"You've done enough, more than enough." Jinwoo smiled down at you as he held your hand. "It's my turn, so let me protect you"

ʚ(੭´͈ ᐜ `͈)੭ .｡✧･ﾟ: ~♡ —! stories written by kyunnie; translations, reposts, plagiarism are strictly forbidden.

[originalaccountname]

Sorry to bother you but I’ve been getting into BSD and Chuuya’s my fave, but I’ve been seeing some contradictory things in fanfic so…

Does Chuuya actually have a god sealed inside him? I thought it was just like his power without limitations and was dubious of those takes, but since eldritch beings can apparently be a thing (and not an ability), I think it could be plausible either way.

Though even if it’s not I can see why people would use that route for some good angst.

This is not a bother at all! This is something I very much like to talk about

if you're really new I do recommend you go read both "Dazai, Chuuya, Fifteen Years Old" and "STORM BRINGER" light novels (but SB especially), not only are they great books with Chuuya as the focal point but they will help answer your question in depth (you can buy the English translations but I can help you find the translation online if that's what you need, just message me again)

The short version is that Arahabaki being an actual god, a separate entity from Chuuya that has a personality/a voice/desires, is a common fanon trope, but not a canon fact. The truth is more complex and much more fun, lore-wise, in my opinion

And now the long version, because I'm passionate about this and this is my excuse to deep dive into it (spoilers for Fifteen)

In Fifteen, Chuuya says this:

Chuuya himself presents "Arahabaki" as nothing more than pure power. No thoughts, no personality, but powerful for sure.

That phrasing in Fifteen created a lot of confusion I think, talking about gods as real but also not:

But I think it's more of a symbolic reference, talking about immense power that seem out of this world. Because in practice, as Chuuya said before, "Arahabaki" is simply raw power, not an entity. You can't pray to it, it can't understand you, it can't perform miracles (which is why he knew the Old Boss couldn't have been brought back by Arahabaki and it was all nonsense from the start)

I'm also putting part of the blame on the anime, where they decided (while not being exactly wrong either, out of context it's weird) to illustrate Chuuya "floating in a bluish-black darkness, surrounded by a transparent seal" and being pulled out by a hand:

like this:

When, if you actually reread that part in the novel with knowledge about Storm Bringer, it's actually this moment that was being referred to:

Which brings us to Storm Bringer! (heavy spoilers I'm serious)

"Project Arahabaki" was the Japanese government's attempt to create an ability weapon from an individual. They wanted to craft a singularity that could be used multiple times, thus granting them access to power that should not be accessible normally. They based their research on what France had discovered through Verlaine. The objective is to create a massive energy output through a self-contradicting ability, for which you need a vessel:

Chuuya is the device. "Arahabaki" is the massive energy. That massive energy can control gravity to the point of being able to create localized black holes! N implied that part of the lab's work for the Arahabaki Project was to modify Chuuya's body to be able to withstand the constant gravity effects on it so he doesn't just die. Chuuya's normal use of his ability doesn't seem to have any drastic effects on him, and his physical resilience (to getting hit, stabbed, poisoned, shot, electrocuted, to going through a black hole) does seem to imply they did succeed at least in part.

And this bit here explains why "Arahabaki" was the chosen name for the project; unexplained phenomena across History that can be linked to an ability going haywire, but were attributed to god-like interventions at the time. So you're a funny little mad scientist, you read research papers from another mad scientist that named their own creation after a mythological monster, and you decide to do the same with your own local folklore.

But!

There's still something to be said about how "Arahabaki" is a singularity, and therefore, has its own set of rules. Chuuya does loose control, Chuuya does regress to a sort of destructive instinct while under Corruption. But "Arahabaki" is still no more than an ability singularity. Here's what is said about Guivre and Arahabaki:

They are both singularity life-forms. They exist because they are singularities; outside of it, they are nothing. The inner workings of abilities are still mysterious, but most of them have a link to their wielder's desires. For example, Atsushi's Tiger is there to protect him, a mirror to his will to live no matter what. Verlaine's Guivre is similar:

Guivre was a beast born out of Verlaine's loneliness and resulting hatred. He felt deeply alone in not feeling/being human, and through Pan's (his "creator") special "programming" of Verlaine's ability, N was able to trigger the true form of his singularity with that flare gun and metal powder, which took the form of Guivre. It's what the hat was supposed to prevent, but Verlaine had already lost it by then.

Chuuya's Arahabaki is probably similar. Its first apparition was when Rimbaud tried to absorb him and use his ability for himself, and any subsequent use is linked to grief and survival. Basically, if they're their own entities, they are still born in a specific context and deeply linked to the original ability user's character. And Arahabaki? Only exists if Chuuya uses his activation phrase to get rid of the limitations put into place to prevent him from exploding:

More about about Corruption: SB is kind enough to give us an explanation on how the nullification process works, right here:

Chuuya's self-contradicting ability makes him able to control gravity through the sheer amount of energy it creates by permanently interacting with itself. It is kept under control through the use of an activation phrase, O grantors of dark disgrace, do not wake me again, which, after being either said or thought by Chuuya, will open his "Gate" (which I'm interpreting as a blocker put in place by the lab so the singularity doesn't just kill him, like those poor people they mentioned existed through History), and by opening it, "free Arahabaki's true power" (aka Corruption). When Dazai uses his ability on him, the base self-contradicting ability is nullified, which cancels out the singularity taking place, which stops Corruption and allows that "Gate" to close again. The red markings are there because they're cool and fun.

To conclude, I'll let Dazai do the honors:

bonus: what does that mean for Chuuya's ability?

bons 2: Perceived timeline of Chuuya's past and what happened to to create confusion around his humanity

[thatswhatsushesaid]

I mean this politely but why do you like Su She? Maybe it’s because I’ve only read the books/seen the donghua but he seems like such a non-character. Does he play more of a role in the live action adaptation or something?

hey, no worries at all! my biggest su she confession is that when i first read the book and watched the show, i straight up forgot who he was until his death in the guanyin temple confrontation. in cql, his death really is kind of a nothingburger moment for me; it happens very suddenly, he doesn't have much agency in how it all unfolds, and aside from jgy's genuinely crushed expression when he dies (the way he says "minshan!" in that moment while reaching out to him still hurts 🥺), it isn't a character death that held my attention that much.

it wasn't until i read the novel and reached his death scene there that i had a "whoa, this is su she? su 'i don't have control enough over my power to summon my sword from the bottom of a lake or avoid shooting wei wuxian in the arm' minshan?"

As expected, gurgles came from within Nie MingJue’s throat. His body turned away from the empty coffin as well. At once, he realized whom the person lying on Su She’s back was. Wei WuXian’s whistles could no longer stop him either. Like a gust of wind, Nie MingJue rushed over, his palm flying towards Jin GuangYao’s head.

Su She dodged to the side with force. With the tip of his foot he picked up the sword that had fallen to the ground and conjured up all of his spiritual energy in one thrust at Nie MingJue’s heart. Perhaps because of the dire situation, the attack was abnormally swift and ruthless. Brimming with spiritual energy, the blade glowed brightly, enveloped by swirling radiance. It was so much better than all of the previous seemingly-elegant attacks that even Wei WuXian wanted to praise its excellence. Nie MingJue was forced a step back by the explosion of an attack as well. As the light dimmed somewhat, Nie MingJue went forth again, clawing at Jin GuangYao unstoppably. Su She threw Jin GuangYao at Lan XiChen with his left hand, while with his right he sliced at Nie MingJue’s throat.

Nie MingJue’s entire body was as impenetrable as fine steel, but not the thread that stitched his neck together!

...

If the neck attack succeeded, even if it wouldn’t defeat Nie MingJue entirely, it’d still be able to save them some time. However, the sword had been infused with so much spiritual energy, due to Su She’s sudden explosion, that it could no longer withstand it. Halfway through the lunge, it broke into pieces with a crack. On the other hand, Nie MingJue’s punch landed right in the center of Su She’s chest. Su She’s splendor left as quickly as it came. He couldn’t even spit out a mouthful of blood or say a few last words, no matter with dignity or cruelty, before the life in his eyes went out.

Collapsed beside Lan XiChen, Jin GuangYao saw this scene as well. Whether because the bleeding and the pain intensified at his arm and stomach or from some other reason, the glisten of tears could be seen in his eyes.

- EXR translation pgs 1001-1002

so for me, it was reading his death sequence and realizing just how dramatically he had changed from that fumbling, mediocre, and quite frankly cowardly cultivator we meet in the first half of the novel--the guy who can't summon his sword from the bottom of a lake, who wants to sacrifice mianmian to save his own skin, who can't even fire an arrow straight--to this capable, powerful cultivator who is throwing himself in harm's way without hesitation to protect jgy, that made me want to take a second look at him. like... he's not charismatic, he's deeply resentful and bitter, the chip on his shoulder is following him straight to his grave. but he dies bravely and incandescently because he thought jgy was someone worth dying for, and that just hit me right in the gut, honestly.

anyway after that i went a little nuts revisiting almost every scene he's in in both the book and in cql, and i've blogged about my thoughts already!! if you feel like trawling through my "emotional support henchman" tag, that's where you'll find some of my other unhinged sms gushing. this is just the non-tl;dr version of why i like him, so i hope this answers your question 👍

[maboroshi-no]

Hamefura LN2 Animate Bonus SS

Series: My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom! Source: Light novel volume 2, Bonus paper Store: Animate Synopsis: Keith's POV of the scene where he chases Geordo and Katarina going to the lake. Translation: maboroshi-no

Keith: Bring out the carriage right now!

After rushing to the manor, I, Keith Claes, immediately asked this to a servant.

Up until earlier today, I had planned to participate in an informal gathering for young noblemen. Then when I went to the venue, the fourth prince Alan Stuart, who always came to our home to see my adopted sister Katarina, was there alone, so I spoke to him.

When I did, he told me that the third prince Geordo Stuart, who would normally attend this event like Alan, wasn't at this informal gathering and seemed to have gone out alone.

Upon hearing this, I had a very bad feeling.

Most of the high-ranking young noblemen were attending this informal gathering today. So Geordo must have known that I would attend it. Which meant that he also knew that my adopted sister Katarina would be left alone at the manor.

I left the informal gathering driven by this bad feeling, and when I returned to the manor, I was informed that, just as I had imagined, Geordo had successfully invited Katarina out and they had both set out to the lake together. Riding in a carriage with just the two of them.

Lately, Geordo had not only been aggressively approaching Katarina but he had also been quick to act. For her to go out alone with someone like him…

What's more, Katarina herself had no awareness of his advances despite him targeting her like this.

I had told her countless times to hold a sense of danger, but… Each time she would confidently reply "It's okay! Even if I get exiled, I am all prepared so I can work as a farmer!", but what was "okay" about it completely eluded me.  

To begin with, I had noticed way too many times that Katarina's "It's alright!" or "Okay!" were very much unreliable.

And that was why I had been keeping a close eye on her… I couldn't believe he outwitted me like this. I was careless.

At this rate, Katarina would be in danger. So, I hurriedly jumped into the carriage and went after Geordo and Katarina.

When I finally caught up with Geordo's carriage, forcibly stopped it, and opened the door… Geordo and Katarina were excessively close to each other…

Keith: …*huff*, *puff*... Big Sister, are you okay?

While short on breath, when I managed to ask her this,

Katarina: Yes I am… It's not like I injured myself or anything. I was just going to the lake with Prince Geordo.

As usual, Katarina replied with an expression like she didn't understand anything at all.

Keith: "Just"...? This is dangerous, though.

Honestly, this adopted sister of mine… how many times did I need to tell her until she understood? I deeply sighed inside.

Then, Katarina asked me why I had come here. After I had explained the course of events,

Katarina: I understand, Keith. you don't want to be left out and it can't be helped. So join us and let's all go together.

Keith: …It seems like you don't understand anything at all, but… I'll also ask you to let me join you, Prince Geordo.

I had the feeling the completely oblivious Katarina wouldn't understand no matter how many times I explained, so for the time being, I said this and joined them on their trip to the lake.

Geordo: …Even though I finally had an opening and took her so far out… Your tenaciousness truly amazes me, Keith. ...Even so, that stupid brother of mine... He said too much...

Geordo grumbled this. I glared at him and deeply thanked my informant Alan.

After this, Geordo stubbornly insisted that he wanted to ride in the carriage alone with Katarina, and I insisted back that I couldn't allow this, so as a compromise, the three of us rode in the same carriage.

On top of this, Geordo and I were sitting next to each other, so it was greatly unpleasant. 

And like this, while Geordo kept firing sarcasm at me with a smile and I kept firing sarcasm back at him with the same smile, before I knew it, we had arrived at the lake. 

I was in a foul mood since it was the very first time that Geordo almost outwitted me, but when I saw Katarina greatly enjoying herself at the lake, I felt glad that we had come.

Katarina fully enjoyed the lake and seemed exhausted from playing too much, so on the way home, she completely fell asleep inside the carriage.

Looking at Katarina innocently sleeping and exposing her sleeping face while surrounded by two men, an astonished Geordo said,  

Geordo: She really is too defenseless in all respects… Keith, seriously, what kind of education is she given at the Claes's house?

I couldn't stomach Geordo and our views always differed, but on that point, we were in complete agreement.

Keith: She is supposed to have properly received ladies' etiquette training as she normally should, but… 

She was supposed to, but… no matter how old she got, Katarina really was so defenseless. While inside the manor, she would walk around in thin clothes and even now, she would nonchalantly hug me like when we were children.

Each time, the thinness of her clothes would make my heart race, and the softness of her body hugging mine would make me feel furiously shaken.

Especially, her now plump chest would touch my body… And then, I would think "Please spare me!".

My always free-spirited and innocent sister Katarina was really dear to me. But at the same time, it was also true that the innocent and excessively defenseless Katarina drove my heart to its limit.

While gazing at her innocent sleeping face, I deeply sighed inside again.

[boinin]

Couple things I enjoyed about this chapter, now we have Hoshi's translation:

Raichi remains combative, but ultimately supportive. He's not antagonising Isagi anymore—he's complaining on his behalf.

Raichi's one of those characters I didn't vibe with when I first watched the anime. But he's no longer just a shallow hothead. It's great to see him becoming more nuanced, even if he lacks more focused development.

Also, glad they addressed Rin's shirt grab, which would be egregious even in a higher contact sport 🤦

Love to see Hiori and Isagi talking high-level strategy. My own perception of them is that, while Isagi embodies Ego's ideals more, Hiori is better at extracting the key messages from Ego's quackery and presenting it in an accessible way. Isagi struggles with this.

Isagi spent so much time thinking and trying to crack the code in earlier matches, it left him ineffectual. Now he has Hiori as a sounding board, as well as a support who can read the field as well as he can. Helps explain why Isagi's exponentially improved since the end of the Manshine match.

And, er, yeah. Totally normal about this. Totally not throwing a party in my brain that we might FINALLY be getting some payoff for Emogami 🎉

It's interesting that Noa taunts him with Shidou. It reveals that Noa knows about how Kunigami entered Wild Card. Is his beef with Shidou something Kunigami offered voluntarily to Noa? Or is Noa working off whatever files Ego has on the players?

The use of these flashback panels, showing Kunigami at his most vulnerable as well as Shidou's worst act of violence, is significant. We know now from the light novel that Kunigami experienced physical harm from bullies as a young child. No wonder he squared up to Shidou as soon as they met.

I can't wait to see where they'll take this reunion. Kunigami's suffered a lot of Ls, while Shidou's riding the wave of his amazing goal. I don't think Kunigami's hit his lowest low just yet—there's limited evidence to suggest he has the ability to outplay Shidou, based on what he's showcased so far. But conversely, we have no real knowledge about what's going on with Kunigami.

What does he want? What drives him? What would represent a victory over Shidou in his eyes?

I'm gnawing on the table. Praying we get answers soon.

[yurimother]

Poly Lesbian Light Novel 'Yuri Tama' Volume 2 Released in English

On January 17, J-Novel Club digitally released the second volume of toshizou's Yuri light novel series Yuri Tama: From Third Wheel to Trifecta The Second (Yuri no Ma ni Hasamareta Watashi ga, Ikioi de Futamata Shite Shimatta Hanashi). The series is notable for its polyamorous relationship between its three female main characters.

In the first volume, protagonist Yotsuba Hazama gets asked out by her both of her best friends, Yuna and Rinka. Unintentionally two-timing the girls causes her enough stress as is. But, she is now also despised by everyone else at school, who ship Yuna and Rinka and treat Yotsuba like an obnoxious third wheel.

The publisher describes the volume:

Yotsuba Hazama has it made. Summer vacation's just around the corner, and she gets to spend it with her two new girlfriends…if she can avoid their fan club's wrath, pass all her finals, and figure out why her sisters are treating her so coldly! Yotsuba Hazama has it made. Summer vacation is just around the corner, and this year she gets to spend it with her two girlfriends, Yuna and Rinka! Sure, she'll spend it doing makeup lessons instead unless she passes all her finals, but how hard could that be? And her girlfriends' fan club is a ticking time bomb in the background of her school life, but it's not like that has any chance of causing her problems! And, yes, her little sisters have been treating her with an inexplicable mixture of contempt and suspicion lately, but there's no way that'll go anywhere unpleasant! On second thought, let's start over: Yotsuba Hazama is in way over her head! Her first-ever summer with her new girlfriends is in peril of flunking-induced cancellation, her social standing at school is dangling by a thread, and she can't even figure out what's wrong with her relationship with her sisters, but it's definitely going to be a problem! Who knew having two girlfriends could be this difficult?!

Yuri Tama is published in Japanese by Overlap. The first volume was published in Japanese in November 2021, and the second in May 2022. Both volumes are illustrated by Kuro Shina.

Tristan K. Hill translates the light novels in English.

You can check out Yuri Tama: From Third Wheel to Trifecta The Second digitally today: https://amzn.to/3J8FAlu

Reading official releases help support creators and publishers. YuriMother makes a small affiliate commission from sales to help fund future coverage.

[shiut]

Waiting For Yuma Chapter 1 : Preview

Some english translation for the Rain Code novel, Waiting for Yuma. This is how many pages are provided in the trial reader preview, but it's still rather long, so I've put most of it under the cut.

I've also put it into an online document if you want to click here instead.

Chapter 01

The Silence of the Dolls

Morning arrives early for the trainee detective.

However, though belonging to the 【World Detective Organization】, he/she has not yet completed the training course. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. A piece of paper will never reach the moon unless it is folded forty-two times. There is much work to be done in order to become a 【Master Detective】.

Working hard to develop and refine special abilities. Acquiring basic detective skills. Sharpening a keen eye for detail. Not only that, but there are many other challenges to worry about too. I suppose you could say that the days have been filled with more hardship than joy. However, you can't call yourself a 【Master Detective】 if you can't overcome all of that. It might be a different story for people who have exceptional supernatural abilities. However, for those who don't, they must continue to keep improving in order to reach the stars.

For one such trainee, Yuka Kisaragi, this day ought to be a momentous milestone. Her efforts were recognized, and so she was allowed to accompany a real 【Master Detective】 to the crime scene. As soon as Yuka heard this, she hugged and danced with everyone she saw, which almost got her reported in the process. That’s to say, she was putting out more energy than usual for such an important day.

Or at least it should be...... no, could that be why?

Let's go over that one more time. 

Morning arrives early for a trainee detective.

That should be the case, but Yuka was in fact remarkably late.

***

"Why, why, why, why, why!?"

Yuka asked herself repeatedly as she roared down the street. Under the clear blue sky, she trampled across the well-maintained cobblestone pavement. Though, she didn't have to bother questioning herself when she already knew the cause of the problem a while ago. 

First of all, the toast was burnt. 

Secondly, the hair iron went missing.

Third, she forgot to cut the tag off her new coat that was bought for today.

That sums up why she was late today.

It was entirely a bed of her own making. But still, Yuka thought, there must be a reason for all this bad luck. It could be the alignment of the stars, or like the flow of fate, or something.

Could it be the influence of the 【Master Detective】 that I'm about to meet? 

It may be due to something like sound waves or telepathy caused by the person in question. Though, I'd rather those predictions to not be true. Yuka kept running, hoping at the very least that a kind person would be waiting for her. 

Then when she rounded a sharp corner —— she burst into a stylish cafe that had a strikingly chic dark-toned exterior wall. The interior was also uniformly monochrome, with bright light streaming through the large glass windows. The clientele had a somewhat intellectual and relaxed atmosphere. Yuka immediately felt nervous. She looked around as she listened to the classical music that was playing. The meeting place was at the far end of the window. Right, she repeatedly mouthed these words to herself while she walked over... she was suddenly rendered speechless.

Therein, was a beautiful person.

A hard leather sofa, and white painted wooden table. 

There sat a person dressed in gray. The way in which they tipped their coffee was picturesque. Their pale hair and glasses suited their sagacious profile and air of intelligence. 

While admiring the sight, Yuka had to wonder. There's an ambiguity to the person before her. Their gender is indiscernible. No matter how you look at it, it's impossible to tell if it's a he or she. They could pass as a beautiful man, or even as a ruggedly dignified woman perhaps. Yuka stared intently in order to ascertain the truth the best she could.

"......Three million"

"Eh-?"

What did they say? Yuka let out a dumb sound as she thought. Caught off-guard, she simply blinked. The beautiful person took another sip of coffee before her.

Gracefully setting down the cup, the other person continued.

"It's one hundred thousand per minute. My time is not cheap...... More importantly, you wasted precious time before the investigation as a 【trainee detective】, of course you're prepared to pay that much, right?"

Smoothly —— he, no, maybe she —— the 【Master Detective】 spoke. 

Confused, Yuka twisted her head like an owl. However, after a few seconds, she realized that what this 【Master Detective】 was referring to were 'late fees'. Yuka choked with a hissing noise. How ruthless. Is this person a demon? That's what her immediate thought was.

Flustered, Yuka tried to explain herself. He/she opened their mouth to interrupt.

"I'll have you know, burnt toast, a misplaced hair iron, and a coat tag are no excuse for being late."

"Huh-? How did you know?"

"Bread crumbs"

They pointed to Yuka's chest. If you look —— peeking out from a crimson coat ——was a cream-colored sweater dotted in black specks. Pointing at it, the 【Master Detective】 continued.

"It's a notably charred color. Also, although some of your hair is disheveled, only the ends are straightened out. A sign of a frantically used hair iron. Did you simply not spend enough time on it? No, it looks like you intended to use it properly, but were forced to use it in such an errant way. You could naturally assume that it's a result of stubbornly searching for the hair iron that consumed most of your time. Also, there are threads sticking out unnaturally from the collar of your coat. This could be the trace of a tag that was yanked out in a hurry. That's all."

He/she lifted their cup with a clink. And with that, they swallowed the pitch black liquid. The coolness of their profile showed no signs of even the faintest hint of bitterness.

Once again, Yuka looked down at herself. She was wearing a crimson coat that was bought specially for today, and paired with it was a cream sweater with a rounded collar plus a black skirt. On her feet, she wore leather shoes. Her shoulder-length amacha sweet tea colored hair was partially frizzy, though she still managed to take care of the ends.

And then there were the bread crumbs that were left sticking to her.

Yuka was taken aback by all the things they had pointed out.

But soon after, her face lit up.

As an aspiring detective, she's yearned for this kind of precise deduction skill.

"Tha-..... That's amazing! Just as expected of a 【Master Detective】!"

"Praising people so carelessly will result in brain rot."

"Ough-"

"Something like this is not even the ability of a 【Master Detective】. These are the most basic fundamentals that even an amateur should be able to do...... right from the start. To my knowledge, it's not standard for a detective to bring along bread crumbs to a crime scene now is it?"

"I-, I'm sorry."

Yuka patted off her sweater, and the black food particles were brushed from her cream-colored top. She moved her leather shoes to sweep the fallen crumbs to the edge of the wall.

She once again turned her attention to the person in front of her. They were still so young, but they certainly seem like a 【Master Detective】. Even though he/she says that even an amateur can do it, his/her observational skill is beyond that of an ordinary person.

Yuka was so excited. She bowed her head in greeting.

"Once again nice to meet you, I'm Yuka Kisaragi."

"Halara Nightmare"

Yuka acknowledged the name with a nod.

I was given very minimal information about the 【Master Detective】  I'd been scheduled to accompany today. The 'Jeweler Campanella Murder Case' that took place the other day at the only public casino in the area —— the genius who led to its solution was Halara. He/she was one of the shining stars in the sky. They're a detective for Yuka to look up to. 

Yuka stared at Halara with admiration. Without a response, Halara got up from their seat. Then, in one fluid motion, they handed a slip to Yuka who accepted it without a thought. 

Yuka’s head tilted as she found herself caught by a ruthless follow-up.

"Three million, plus the coffee bill. That is your payment."

"Huh-?"

"It'd be in your best interest to pay up before you forget."

"Wait, what, weren't you kidding before?"

"Does talking about a debt with someone you've just met sound like a joke according to your trite standards? That's quite nonsensical."

"Sure it's a strange joke to make but... even so, eh-?"

"Rest assured that you won't be charged any interest. Just make sure you've set up a payment plan."

Halara walked off, leaving a confused Yuka in their wake. Their back held a beautiful and dignified posture. However, it seemed like they had no intention of looking back. With the check in hand, Yuka felt her head spinning.

"Eh-...... Ehh-"

One thing is for certain.

Yuka has been haunted by bad luck ever since this morning.

But the worst part of all was, without a doubt, the presence of this detective.

As her head sank in disappointment, Yuka couldn't help but think.

Halara Nightmare must be some sort of demon.

***

"W-, Well then, let's change the mood shall we!"

"............"

"Halara-san please say something too!"

"Anything in particular?"

"...... I can't even think of anything I had in mind."

At any rate, the two arrived at the manor where the scene of the crime took place.

Diverting her attention from the debt of three million, Yuka looked up at the old-fashioned building.

The walls were constructed with dull red clay brick tiles and lines formed with white granite. Placed atop that was a massive black roof. The exterior was reminiscent of an antique dollhouse. Additionally, the property was encompassed by a magnificent rose garden. The vibrant dew-covered petals almost looked artificial. Everything was so breathtakingly beautiful that it looked like something straight out of a vintage masterpiece. 

Yuka couldn't help but let out a sigh of awe.

"How atmospheric~. Ah-, hey, please don't leave me behind!"

Halara had begun to walk off while I was immersed in the building's peculiar and chilling atmosphere.

Yuka rushed to follow behind their slender back. It was as if they were swimming in a sea of roses as they made their way along the path.

Eventually, the two arrived in front of an arched doorway.

Waiting there was a gentleman dressed in a brand-name suit. His eyes were amber. His hair black. His physique appeared portly. Twisting his magnificent mustache, he raised his booming voice.

"Hey there, Halara-san! I haven't seen you since the 'Jeweler Campanella Murder Case'! I'm glad you could make it! It was worth the trouble of going through the Unified Government to make a request with the 【World Detective Organization】!"

"...... As I suspected, this was no mere coincidence, but rather a request on your behalf, wasn't it?"

"Eh-, do you know each other!? And what's more...... through the Unified Government no less...... Could it be that he's that big of a deal?"

"Hahaha, oh, you could say the Unified Government tends to be a bit involved when it comes to matters of international trade. I can't get into any details, as much as I'd love to talk about it.  Anyways, when it comes to securing the food supply in this district it is I, Richard Thomson, who's your go-to guy! Also, what's there to hide between Halara-san and me? We've solved a case together after all!"

"H-...... He's a real talker."

Suddenly, Richard moved in closer. Feeling pushed by the pressure of his prattling words and moundish belly, Yuka took a step back. Meanwhile, Halara narrowed their eyes in displeasure. 

Gracefully, he/she crossed their arms. Letting out a small breath, Halara continued.

"If you'd mind refraining from distorting the facts. We did not solve it together. The case had indeed been solved....... however, it was all by my ability alone of course."

"Eh-, if that's the case, then what about Richard-san?"

"He was merely the first person to discover the incident. Rather than finding a solution, he challenged my theory based on his own faulty recollection, and thanks to this I had to explain  【Postcognition】 at the request of the police."

"【Postcognition】?"

Yuka found herself tilting her head. She was unfamiliar with the term.

In order to prevent further questions for the time being, Halara spoke up.

"It's my ability as a 【Master Detective】 ..... we'll be needing it for this crime scene as well. I'll discuss it later. So then...... since you're aware of these abilities, you should already understand right?"

"Yes, of course! I am fully knowledgeable about all of it! Just as expected of me. All pro~per preparations have been made accordingly, of course!"

Richard puffed out his chest. From a pocket on the inside of his coat, he pulled out a photograph and presented it to Halara. Yuka took a peek at the picture from behind him/her.

Similar to a portrait, the upper half of a lady was shown. She was a slender and petite woman. However, she had a firm and straight posture, staring at the camera with a steely gaze—— Strangely, her eyes seemed somewhat out of focus—— Her hair was tied up in a golden bun, and her eyes were a deep blue. She was beautiful, yet had a somehow frighteningly icy air about her. It was a perilous sheet of ice over a deep lake that could crack at any moment.

Nervously, Yuka asked.

"...... Is this?"

"The victim in this case. It's my wife. She was quite a cold woman. To be honest, our whole relationship was cold, but I never expected something like this. Whether I'm sad or not, I'm still not sure. I'll worry about that a bit later. Incidentally, I had a business meeting that day, so I have a flawless alibi, ahem. If you ask me, my wife would complain to the chef about the taste of the soup. It seems pretty suspicious to me, so I hope you'll be able to help me out here."

"H- he really is a chatty guy."

Yet again, Richard moved forward. Yuka slowly backed away. Halara took a long thorough look at the picture that they had received before returning it. Nodding, Richard opened the door.

"Here, go right on ahead. We'll go over the details on the way to the crime scene. Why, I couldn't even tell you how glad I am that you came, Halara-san. Ever since the 'Jeweler Campanella Murder Case' I just haven't been able to contain myself from telling my family all about your story, Halara-san. Hahaha. Ah-, as for a full-scale police investigation, I have all the power and resources needed to keep them out of it, so feel free to......"

"Eh-, why would you want to hold back the police?" Yuka voiced her surprise.

Rumor has it—— now was it Kanata Ward, or Kanaya Ward—— that some places have been under lockdown and the police haven't exactly been operating properly. However, places such as that are the exception. The legal organization should be operating in proper accordance here. But even so, is there any sense to purposefully suppressing them? In response to Yuka's question, Richard softly curved the flesh bordering his mouth. 

He spoke while displaying a clownish grin.

"Because, having a 【Master Detective】 solve it would be more fun, wouldn't it?"

There was a childishness in his eyes, 

and a warped sense of delight began to surface.

***

"...... Is that guy alright?"

It seemed that Richard had the intention of sticking around the crime scene. However, it appeared that there was a problem with his cargo ship, so he left while grumbling something about just getting started. 'Please don't solve the case until I return' he added, but I'm not really concerned about something like that. 

After making sure that he had gone down to the first floor, Yuka then went to inquire Halara.

Located on the second floor —— in front of his wife's bedroom, he/she answered with indifference.

"Probably not. However, as long as 【Master Detectives】 exist, so too will there be people who hold an excessive admiration for them, or even an addiction...... There’s no telling what type of bad precedent it could set if it were a person in power."

Yuka reflexively shifted her gaze downwards.

That admiration of 【Master Detectives】 is something she could understand. To some people, those who possess supernatural abilities and eliminate unsolved mysteries are like that of stars shining in the sky. There are some who may wish to bask in the radiance of that light up close. However, despite the murder of a family member, it was nothing short of abnormal to request a 【Master Detective】 while shutting down the possibility of a quick solution.

Yuka's skin crawled with disgust as she asked.

"Are you going to accept this request?"

"Five million."

"Eh?"

"It was mentioned to me a short while ago. This is the amount he said he had set as a reward for my success...... I have no obligation to help others, but I work sincerely according to the payment I receive...... That is my pride as a detective."

"So that’s the only reason."

"It's reason enough, among other things."

Yuka almost raised her voice. However, in response to this Halara spoke calmly. 

He/she emotionlessly included more reasons.

"The police have had no involvement in this case. Hence, the situation where the more time passes, the more evidence is lost...... Given the circumstances, there is no detective better suited for this case than me. Still, even if I decline this request, he would probably just vet another 【Master Detective】 to appoint anyway. It's a waste of time."

"Surely......"

"The quickest and most rational decision would be for me to continue with the investigation."

Yuka gave a deep nod. To reject a request based on emotion would also be an unethical decision. Once she came to an understanding, Halara then placed their hand on the door. 

Nevertheless, without pressing the matter further, she continued to ask questions.

"Then let's move on with the investigation. It'd be foolish for a 【Master Detective】 and trainee to continue to stand around talking to each other...... Before going any further, I'm sure you've already been properly briefed with a sufficient overview regarding the case thus far before arriving here, right? Mister Richard did speak rather quickly."

"If that's the case then please leave it to me! Uhh let's see now...."

Yuka twiddled her thumbs around in the air. 

She then began to explain the overview of the murder case as told by Mister Richard.

***

To recap, the story goes like this.

Mister Richard has a family of five—— however, his second born daughter is staying in a dormitory—— Therefore, at the time of the incident, there were seven people in the mansion: him, his wife, his eldest daughter and his eldest son, a cook, a maid, and a gardener.

It was there that Mister Richard's wife, Beatrice Thompson, was murdered. 

No one had seen her after she ate dinner and went to her room at 8 p.m.—— This has so far been confirmed by the initial police report —— The estimated time of death was between 9 and 10 o'clock p.m. The cause of death was stabbing. The murder weapon, a knife, was left lodged in her chest. There were no fingerprints. Also, a water pitcher—— which she loved to use when she went to bed —— was confirmed to have been laced with stolen sleeping pills. 

Because of this, it's been concluded that the crime must have been premeditated by an insider. 

The first to discover the scene were the gardener and the eldest daughter. The gardener would visit the victim every night at 10 o'clock to consult with her about remodeling the garden, and when she did not respond he then approached her eldest daughter —— Afterwards, both parties felt uneasy about there being no response, and so as a result of breaking down the door, the dead body was discovered —— This was at about half past 10 o'clock. Additionally, there were signs of intentional destruction within the room at the time. The eldest daughter then immediately called out to the eldest son, who was in the garden, and asked him to report the incident.

And then there's the key detail.

The room was a locked room.

"The crime scene was a closed room with both the windows and doors locked at the point which it was first discovered when the door was opened. Furthermore, the victim was leaning against the door, and there were no signs of it having been opened directly beforehand."

"Well done. Seems like nothing has been misremembered." Halara gave a brief nod, their pale hair swaying with the motion.

Naturally, Yuka puffed her chest proudly. She had also been honing her memory as a part of her training to become a 【Master Detective】. She also had a bit of a talent for picking up on fast-talkers, which was something she was prepared with at the very least.

Halara stared at the door with the knob still in hand. 

Gazing at the floral reliefs carved across its surface, he/she continued. 

"Wherever there's a locked room, there is an explanation behind it. It's the detective's job to uncover it."

Halara opened the door with a click.

Stepping through and, suddenly, looking to the side —— Yuka took a sharp breath.

***

It looked as though there were many girls standing there. 

Dolls were lined up in front of a mainly yellow floral-patterned wallpaper. 

The smallest one was a baby, while the largest figure looked to be around 10 years old. Everything looked to be things belonging to girls of various sizes. But oddly enough, there was also a strange sense of uniformity. 

Lovely beings clad in a luxurious and solemn aura. Their eyes were made of deep blue glass, and their heads were covered in gold thread. Their shrewd features somehow had an uncanny resemblance to the victim's wife. Moreover, there were other bizarre details as well.

All of their heads had been torn off. Some were set up to be holding dolls, while others were lying on the floor. Many of them were grouped together and placed against the wall.

It was as though the dolls had also been murdered.

"Wh-, what is this--. How disturbing...... So it was the dolls that they were referring to when they said some of the rooms showed signs of intentional destruction. But still, why is it like this?"

"......On the other side of the doll...... there is a fireplace to the right hand side when you enter through the door." 

Halara muttered under their breath as they covered their mouth. He/she stepped forward to approach the mantlepiece of the elegant fireplace. Halara crouched down to peer inside before looking up. 

Yuka followed their lead and crouched down beside them, copying their actions. Before them was a grimy chimney that extended from their field of view. The distant opening was tightly sealed with a fine mesh. She nodded with a hum. 

"It seems unlikely that the killer could have escaped by climbing up here."

"However, it doesn't seem irrelevant."

"Eh?"

"Look here, there are traces of soot on the floor."

Yuka lept back at the mention of it. That was a close one. She almost stepped on a piece of evidence. 

Seeing her panic, Halara adjusted their glasses. 

"I thought you were conscientiously avoiding it...... Seems I overestimated. Are you really so dense as to have not noticed?"

"Th-, that's not it! I noticed! Of course I noticed!" 

Despite her insistence, she of course did not notice. Halara's gaze was truly cold. 

Yuka was quick to redirect it by changing the subject.

"Uhmm, well...... Let's see, the victim was lying in front of the door, and the eldest daughter thought about the possibility that someone could have broken in, so she went to check the window...... but found that it was locked."

"So, she found the eldest son in the garden and called out to him...... I see, it is visible from here perhaps. There don't appear to be any contradictions evident in those facts themselves at the moment."

Halara and Yuka moved over to the window to look out over the garden. 

The rose garden could clearly be seen from the wife's bedroom window. Though it was now daytime, we confirmed that there was a haze from floodlights scattered about for illumination. That meant that the eldest son could have been seen without any problem even at night.

Touching the golden crescent lock, Halara nodded with a hum. 

"The locks on the windows are rather standard...... so I can't say for sure that there's no possibility of tampering. However, there are no scratches. I don't see any evidence of thread or any other such material being used."

Halara turned while muttering to themself. 

Once again, he/she looked over to the door the victim was leaning against.

"...... There isn't much blood. In other words, the criminal did not pull out the knife after dealing the blow."

"That is true, isn't it."

The two discussed their thoughts about the bloodstains on the carpet, though the body has already been removed. The crime scene was not preserved exactly as it was in its original state. The family must've had some sort of hand in it. At this point, there may be some things that an investigation won't be able to uncover.

Yuka spoke up without thinking. 

"Hmm, I guess there's nothing more to see here other than the information that's already been given so far. There's got to be things that we're missing. That's the problem with being a detective who's always asked to do things after the fact. Ahhh, if only we could see the crime scene right at the time of the body's discovery."

"You wish to see it?"

"Eh?"

"Who...... do you think I am?"

"Who?"

"I'm Halara Nightmare."

The phrase rolled off Halara's tongue in the most natural way. Yuka cocked her head. 

Well, I've already gone through introductions. Regardless of if it's impossible to tell whether they’re a man or a woman, there was no doubt that the person standing before me was Halara Nightmare. Isn't that so?

But he/she continued on. 

"The 【Postcognition Detective】, Halara Nightmare."

***

What exactly is this 【Postcognition】.

Halara began to explain.

"My 【Forensic Forte】 is 【Postcognition】 ...... It quite literally is the power to see a snapshot of the past. However, it can only be used at murder scenes. To be precise, it's the ability to see how a crime scene 【appeared at the time it was first discovered】 with one's own eyes. Another way to describe it would be 【crime scene-limited psychometry】, if that's easier to understand."

Yuka couldn't help but gawk in surprise. 

She knew that the 【Master Detectives】 who work in the field had special abilities. Yuka herself had something that could be considered as such. Halara's was outstanding, however.

It's almost too convenient.

As far as a detective's supernatural ability goes, it could be considered among the best.

Halara continued in the wake of Yuka's astonishment.

"My power allows me to see the 【moment the first witness saw the crime scene】. In other words, not the culprit, not the victim, but how it appeared when a third party first entered. The memory or perception of the witness does not affect my 【Postcognition】. What I see is what actually was there. When it comes to my power, the witness is not a camera or a recording device, but rather a trigger...... Perhaps the best way to think of it is like a bookmark stuck between the pages of when the body was found. It's not a power that can be taken advantage of unconditionally, however.”

Perhaps it was something akin to envy and jealousy that swirled in Yuka's eyes like heated candy. Halara continued to explain the activation conditions and limitations of their power.

"First, I must be standing at the crime scene...... this condition is absolutely required. I must also know the victim's name and face. That's why prior research is crucial. Lastly, 【Postcognition】 is only effective in a 10-meter radius around the body. At the moment, I can only see the crime scene and the victim. I can't see any living things that were at the scene.” 

Yuka's eyes flickered with a blink. So even if the culprit was hiding at the crime scene—— it wouldn't be possible to immediately identify them. Her face must've been brimming with the question as to why. Halara promptly gave an answer.

"...... I’m not so good at looking at people."

"B- but still, I think this is a more than capable ability! This is a 【Forensic Forte】!  I'm so envious! I absolutely admire you!"

"Sorry, but I'm tired of hearing compliments."

"Actually, maybe I did go a little too far with the praise......"

"Time is of the essence. Let's take a look for now, shall we?" 

With that said, Halara raised their left hand to cover their left eye. 

That was the moment Yuka put down her favorite crimson bag she'd been carrying on her back—— which could be used in three different ways by adjusting the belt. She undid the metal clasps and opened the leather flap. She pulled out a sketchbook and a box of colored pencils. She readied the black one first. 

Halara gave an expression as if to say 'what is that'. 

Yuka turned to puff out her chest toward him/her.

"Ehehe, if that's what your ability can do, Halara-san, I think I could be of some help to you, even if just a little."

"...... What do you mean?"

"As a matter of fact, my 【Forensic Forte】 is 【Sketching】!"

Halara's eyebrow slightly twitched at such a cheerful declaration. Perhaps that ability would've been self-explanatory enough. Yuka continued regardless for the sake of explanation. 

"Ah, I may be a trainee detective, but I have fully mastered my forte. If I can keep it up like this, I should be on track to receive my detective deed! Heeheehee-...... Well, uh so, with this ability, by just listening to what someone says, I can faithfully depict 【a person's description of a scene】 without error, completely unaffected by the influence of my subjectivity or imagination! Though, there's no way for me to be sure whether or not the 【person's description】 is an 【imaginary scene】 or a 【real scene】......"

"Does that mean that you can be influenced by the imagination of another person?"

"Yes. A lie is a lie and will be recorded exactly as it is. But in your case, Halara-san, if you describe the scene exactly as you see it, I think I'll be able to get a picture perfect replication of what it looks like!" Yuka explained.

Her power was the exceptional ability to discern the vague image within a witness's mind. Even if the image in itself is false, she wouldn't be able to disclose the nature of its authenticity. That's why Yuka was so envious of Halara's ability to remain unaffected by the subjectivity of another person's perspective. Still, her ability to take only a vague testimony from the witness themselves—— including the image of the culprit that they witnessed and the scene at the time of the crime—— and be able to properly materialize it, was very useful. It might also be useful in this circumstance as well.

Halara hummed with a brief nod. 

"I see...... While it may be possible to reproduce an image as seen by an eyewitness that would otherwise be difficult to convey clearly, there is a possibility of being manipulated by a deliberately false testimony, or an ability perhaps."

"Exactly!"

"......It's quite half-baked for a detective."

"Ngh-"

"Honestly it could be quite convenient for this particular instance. It's exhausting to explain things only I can see."

"Really?"

"People do not believe what they cannot see. I have often been called a liar...... It was thanks to this that when I worked with Mister Richard on the 'Jeweler Campanella Murder Case'...... not only did I have to explain my forte, but I also had to go through the arduous task of proving it through drawing an explanation of the circumstances at the time and comparing them with the physical evidence."

Yuka nodded in response to Halara's words. His/her ability is nothing more than a 【vision】 of the past. Perhaps there will always be skeptics and those who continue to insist that it's flawed. As a trainee, she could only imagine the troubles that they deal with. 

But there's no need to worry this time. Yuka spoke with conviction. 

"It'll be alright! Because I believe in Halara-san's 【Postcognition】 and my 【Sketching】 from the bottom of my heart, without a doubt!"

"......Your own 【Sketching】 as well, huh?"

"Ah-, sorry."

"I don't mind. You should have confidence in your 【Forensic Forte】. The most important quality for a detective is the ability to suspect others...... but perhaps I've spoken too much. Let's continue."

With one eye closed, Halara began to concentrate. 

Yuka was momentarily captivated by their serious and beautiful profile. But the instant his/her mouth began to move, she shook her head and picked her colored pencil back up to begin moving it with blinding speed.

A drawing etched into a sketchbook.

Along with Halara's words.

Through combining the two, the findings that were revealed are as follows.

***

The first witness of the scene had broken through the locked door. It was at this time that the victim's body, which had been leaning against the door, appeared to have moved. There were traces of bloody finger marks on the knife and the surrounding area of the clothes on the victim, who had fallen to the side—— though this was confirmed in the initial police investigation, no fingerprints were reported to be found—— and so it was theorized to have been caused not by the culprit, but by the victim. 

In other words, the victim's death was not instant.

Furthermore, traces of water stains were found trailing from the victim's mouth to their throat. 

Also the head of one of the dolls—— which had apparently not fallen off, yet seemed as if it had been placed with the rest of the heads in the real life scene —— was lying in a position where it could easily be seen from the open door.

And the biggest difference of all—— there were no traces of soot in front of the chimney.

After drawing the description above, Yuka put down her colored pencil with a sudden flick. The fresh corpse of the victim was vividly recreated on paper. The sight was brutal, although I hadn't given it much thought at the time my colored pencils were in motion. She closed her eyes to offer a moment of silence. She then asked Halara.

"I understand things for the most part...... but what could be the meaning behind these differences?"

"............"

"Halara-san?"

"I understand, but......if that's the case...... no...... It's far too simple...... namely, "

"Halara-saaan?"

"I've got a hypothesis in mind. All that's left is to substantiate the evidence."

With that said, Halara began walking to leave the room. Yuka hurriedly stowed her sketchbook and colored pencils into her bag. Brown, light orange, red—— disregarding the order that they were placed in—— they were tossed directly into the bottom of the box. She slammed the lid shut and ran after Halara.

"Please wait, Halara-san. Where are you going?"

"An investigation is built upon two fundamental factors. First of all, check the crime scene, next is?"

"Next, is it...... um, perhaps"

"Yes, I'm sure you know what I'm referring to." 

Halara came to a halt in a corridor with beautiful stucco walls. He/she turned to Yuka and, with a quick motion, held up two fingers. He/she curled their fingers from two to one as they gave their answer.

"It's collecting testimony."

***

"You're the detective appointed by the Master, is that right?...... Haa, quite the beautiful person...... Ah-, no, what happened at the time of the Madam's death, was it?"

"To be more precise, it's about the circumstances surrounding the discovery of the body and how you were spending your time that night. I’d appreciate your cooperation."

The gardener narrowed his puffy eyes at Halara's statement. 

He was at a loss for words within the garden that was filled with the suffocating fragrance of roses. 

The gardener was a man in his fifties. He was dressed in a pair of trousers, shirt, and rubber apron suitable for tilling the soil, and the look on his face portrayed a gentle personality. At the same time, it seemed to reveal an innately timid nature. He carefully tucked the pruning shears he was using into his apron pocket. He then anxiously asked Halara.

"Does that mean, as in an alibi? Am I being accused of something?"

"We're going around and asking everyone! Thank you in advance for your cooperation!" 

Perhaps it would be better to keep him calm by speaking to him herself.

Yuka spoke cheerfully so. Halara said nothing. The gardener nodded upon hearing this. He still seemed nervous, but he opened his mouth. 

"Haa...... Well, I don't have anything to hide or be ashamed of, so I'll answer you. Please hurry and clear up any of the Madam's lingering regrets."

"Right! ...... oouugh, I'm moved to tears by those words. I guess your Madam must've surely held a great deal of care and compassion for her employees!"

"No, not at all."

"Eh-"

Yuka froze in her tracks at this.

Isn't the memory of the deceased something that everyone glorifies? Especially if they were killed. However, the gardener's deep wrinkles distorted, like scars chiseled into rock. With a firm voice, he continued.

"The only time the Madam was kind was when she dealt with her youngest daughter, who is now living in a dormitory...... She was strict with everyone else, and our nickname for her was the 'Empress of Ice'...... There was no such thing as kindness."

Halara narrowed their eyes at his words. He/she folded their arms thoughtfully. 

Halara asked with a hardened voice.

"So everyone could have a motive?"

"......Well I never said that. I dread to think who in the house might have stabbed her. Even if I had found her 'murdered'...... Honestly, I didn't think about why."

"...... By the sounds of it, you were the first one to discover the body?"

"Oh, that's right." The gardener nodded simply.

Yuka reflexively held her breath.

This is important information. As you know, Halara's power recreates the crime scene found by the 'first witness'. Not the 'culprit', not the 'victim' —— but that of the 'first witness'.

 In other words, the 'first witness' is excluded as the culprit. 

It's imperative to determine whether or not the vision seen by Halara really belongs to the gardener. But the ability to rule out one person from being a potential culprit altogether is incredibly valuable.

"I see, in that case......" 

Halara tried to ask the question, and Yuka immediately took out her sketchbook. This is where her 【Forte】 comes into play. Halara nodded upon seeing this. 

"That's a good call."

"Halara-san praised my judgment!?"

"So, when you opened the door......"

"Ignored without a beat!?"

"Was the victim leaning against it?"

"Yes...... I had a bad feeling, so the young lady and I kicked down the upstairs door...... I thought it was strangely heavy, but soon after I was shocked when I caught a glimpse of the corpse."

According to the gardener's report—— the moment he opened the door, the impact had apparently caused the Madam's corpse to fall over. Since he was sure that he heard the sound of something hitting the floor, they believed that nobody had opened the door before then. 

A doll's head had fallen on the other side of the corpse, so he went on to look at the Madam's bisque doll collection. Seeing such a disastrous scene was as horrifying —— if not worse —— as when he found the Madam's body. The eldest daughter then went over to the window and checked the lock. As she did so, she noticed the eldest son in the yard, unlocked it —— which the gardener was certain that he saw that it had been closed until just before —— and called out to him. 

Meanwhile the gardener had checked the Madam's pulse and was once again confronted by death.

"I don't have an alibi for the night. I spent the day organizing a plan for remodeling the garden in accommodation to the Madam's ever-increasing wishes. Goodness, it was a tremendous amount of diagrams to do...... But I didn't even go upstairs until 10 o'clock when we were scheduled to have a meeting."

"What is the proof of that?"

"Unfortunately, there is none."

"But, Halara-san. He doesn't seem like a culprit, does he?" 

Yuka remarked and showed a sketch she drew based on the gardener's testimony.

Halara narrowed their eyes. Etched on the drawing paper was the scene that the gardener saw when he opened the door. There, a picture nearly identical to the one Halara saw with 【Postcognition】 was sprawled out. Judging by the angle at which the door was opened, there was no doubt that he was the person from the 【Postcognition】—— the 'first witness'. 

Yuka's ability does not negate the possibility of false testimony, but it seemed like it would be impossible to match something like the angle of the door just by guessing. That much can almost certainly be said for sure.

Halara nodded. Facing the gardener, he/she said. 

"That is all. Much appreciated."

"Yes...... Well then, I best be going. However, I wonder what's to become this rose garden after the the Madam's passing? After having come this far in making it so magnificent, it may simply be left to wither away. Ahh, it's a shame...... Truly, it's such a shame."

If that’s the case, might as well just light it on fire I suppose.

The gardener muttered under his breath.

Yuka felt all the hairs on her body stand on end in fear. 

In the depths beneath the gardener's words lurked thick and murky darkness—— a profoundly dark glow —— swirling within. There was no limit to the depravity of these thoughts.

 Yuka pulled at Halara's sleeves, wondering if he could be the culprit. Halara ignored her and began walking. She'll be left behind at this rate. Yuka rushed to follow the figure as it moved away from the rose garden. Yuka cast a slight glance over her shoulder as she made her way towards the mansion.

The gardener stood as if buried among the roses. 

He opened and closed the gardening shears with a 'shing'.

***

In a luxurious study lined with glass bookshelves, 

a sharp and rigid clacking sound rang out.

"The circumstances at the time of discovery, and alibi, right?" 

The eldest daughter murmured while moving the chess pieces. 

This woman...... is ok, right? Yuka couldn't help but worry.

The eldest daughter was a beautiful figure, with glossy black hair and becoming amber eyes. You could say that she probably resembled her father before he became obese, considering the matching colors of their features. She was a beauty dressed in men's attire with short, boyishly styled hair. Yet unlike Halara, whose gender was completely neutral, her ample breasts filled out the front of her white button-up shirt.

She continued to stroke the pawn pieces with her fingers as she sat in a multifunctional armchair. 

"Do you really you suspect me, the Amnea Thompson?"

"......That board."

"Ahh, this? I was just doing a bit of solo play."

"It seems like you are not even aware of the proper way to move the chess pieces. Can you not play chess, by chance?"

"Don't go and call me an idiot already!"

"I didn't say that?"

Halara crossed their arms coldly.

The eldest daughter —— Amnea —— burst into tears in front of them. Apparently, Yuka thought, it seemed the only reason she was in front of the chessboard was simply to try and impress strangers. 

Amnea smashed the chess board with force, the pieces making a rattling sound as they flew away.

Then, Amnea proclaimed in an exaggeratedly tearful voice. 

"Damn it, you guys are trying to bully me too!"

"I-intense victim mentality."

"Whatever, I am an idiot anyway! I'm so empty-headed that there's not enough to go around! But I leave that kind of thing to the owner of this room, my brother Dalmatia. And yet, you say things like this and that...... Hmm, unforgivable! I'll beat you!"

"Stop it! I'll hit back!"

"I'mb sowwy!"

"So quick to repent!?" 

Yuka's eyes widened. Amnea held her head and trembled at the threat, crying softly. Halara murmured out a hum in response to the child-like reaction. 

"......Well, it would be ridiculous to try and go up against me with brute force."

"Did you say something, Halara-san?"

"Don't worry about it...... So, about our conversation." 

At that, Halara's eyes opened wide before soon narrowing them down. Hm? Yuka tilted her head. What might it be? It felt like Halara's expression had an added childishness to it that I'd never seen before. Following their gaze, Yuka noticed. 

"............ Ah-, a cat?"

Yuka quickly approached the fireplace, and Halara also came along without reproach.

 Yuka craned her neck, and when she looked into a wicker basket she saw a kitten wriggling and cooing. It looked just like a white furball. The kitten rolled over without a hint of grumpiness. An adorable pink paw was pointed at Halara, but without touching it, his/her expression softened faintly.

Yuka absent-mindedly asked. 

"Halara-san, do you like cats?"

"............ It's nothing we need to be talking about."

"No no no, I absolutely love it! After all, it is Halara-san you know? That sense of peacefulness that lights up in your eyes, isn't it?"

"What do you take me for?"

"What, that you're a cat lover? Why don't we talk about it!" 

Amnea exclaimed, her footsteps were loud as she got next to Halara. 

Amnea reached out her pale hand, to which the cat rubbed their face to be pampered. Amnea gave a sweet smile as her eyes narrowed with affection. She whispered through clenched teeth. 

"Since she's finally dead, I took in an unfortunate cat thinking I could care for it."

"Eh...... Your mother died and it hasn't even been resolved yet."

"Is that bad? I've always dreamed of having a cat since foooorever. I wasn't even allowed to talk about it out loud, ya know. It'd be the last thing I'd say. It was really hard for me to even leave the house...... so regardless of whether or not it's out of line, just leave me alone." 

Amnea whispered, her profile drooping like that of a wilted flower. Her eyes were moist with a profound sadness that was difficult to put into words. Yuka went silent, unsure of what to say.

Halara observed Amnea's expression before opening his/her mouth. 

"...... So then, would you mind telling us your story again?"

"Ahh, sure thing man. I've got nothin to be guilty about. I'll tell ya anything you wanna know." 

Amnea puffed out her chest as she spoke.

There was hardly any disparity between the story of the eldest daughter, Amnea, and the gardener's testimony. She only added more details about the situation when she called out to the eldest son. Yuka's sketchbook depicted a young man looking up toward the second floor from a rose garden. He's slender and quite handsome. His black hair and amber eyes resembled that of Amnea and their father. Yuka stared at it, pondering the possibility.

"Are you and your brother twins?"

"Yep, you nailed it. Technically, I'm supposed to be the older sister, but we are twins. I'm on good terms with Dalmatia...... who, unlike me, has the lion's share of smarts." 

Amnea laughed frankly at saying that. The carefree expression on her face invokes a genuine feeling of familiarity. Yuka thought of how nice it would be to have a twin. 

At that, Halara wordlessly raised an arm, and Amnea snapped to attention with her back straightened.

"Yii-!"

"Why"

"......I've got most of it. Let's get going." 

Halara said and began walking. What the hellll, that guy was a bastard to the end, Amnea said to the kitten. The white furball responded with a mewmew. It had heart shaped ears. The pointed tip of its heart-shaped nose twitched with a snort. The sound made Halara stop in their tracks.

With his/her back to Amnea, they inquired. 

"Just to be sure, I'd like to ask you something...... If something were to happen to you, do you have any guarantee of where the little one will go?"

"Don't be stupid! As a cat lover, of course I've decided on it! If something happens to me, my friend will take good care of it."

"......I see, alright then."

A sense of relief.

With that said, Halara exited the room. He/she also spoke to the chef and the maid. However, it resulted in nothing noteworthy there. Both men claimed to have been working at the time of the incident, had no alibis, and had not even seen the body. Mister Richard had spoken about his suspicion about the chef, but there did not seem to be any particular pieces of evidence to support this. 

Hearing all they needed to, Halara nodded and returned to the crime scene. Inside the room, the headless dolls were silent like statues of death. At the center of their blue-eyed gaze, Halara said.

"I’ve figured out the method behind the creation of the locked room."

***

"Well, saying that I figured it out isn't quite accurate...... because we already had the answer as soon as we checked the crime scene."

"A-amazing! Is that even possible!?"

"Of course it is. The person before you is Halara Nightmare. Something such as this is not even a problem." 

Halara answered smoothly. Their eyes held no hint of a bluff, but rather a sharp confidence that gleamed like a sword's edge. It was a star-like light, befitting of a detective. 

Yuka clenched her fist. Sure enough, just as expected of Halara-san.

He/she tilted their head in turn. 

"Or rather. I think we're in the foundational basics at this point. Did you really not even notice?"

"Ngh-, I- I'm a trainee detective, so"

"Even as a trainee, you need to realize that above all else you still wear the title of detective."

"U-oughh...... I didn't notice at all, so please explain it to me." 

Yuka folded easily. She knew that she wouldn't get anywhere even if she wracked her brain about it. Halara let out a sigh and shook their head before he/she opened their mouth to speak.

"Haa...... First, let's discuss the matter of 'why were the dolls destroyed?'. There must be a reason for why the culprit would destroy them. There is also a reason behind the fact that the head of one of the dolls had rolled into a position that was immediately visible upon opening the door."

"Why is that?" 

Yuka asked while looking at the heads that were now pressed against the wall. The reflections in their glass eyes gave the impression of being wet. That chilling glow seemed to evoke hatred for the murdered. Yuka wondered, why had the dolls' heads been ripped off and rolled away? 

Halara offered an explanation.

"It's 'to draw attention to the dolls'."

"To the dolls."

"This will also answer the 'traces of soot marks on the floor after opening the locked room' question. The room was indeed a locked room at the time of the crime. If that's the case, then how did the killer escape?"

"Yeah, that's the issue......"

"They didn't escape. They were hiding halfway up the chimney leading from the fireplace."

Yuka's mouth suddenly opened.

So that's it. The far end of the chimney was blocked off with a net. The room cannot be entered or exited from there. However, it is possible to hide halfway up. 

The rest is simple.

The eyewitnesses who found the doll's head were partly compelled to pay attention to the destruction caused to the bisque doll collection. While their attention was focused on that, the killer was able to slip out of the fireplace and escape. They would then nonchalantly join up later as if nothing happened.

In that case, Yuka declared.

"I- I see! That would mean that the eldest daughter Amnea-san, who was with the gardener during the initial discovery, and the eldest son Dalmatia-san, who was in the garden, can be ruled out from the list of possible suspects!"

"...... I'd hoped that you wouldn't say something so boring."

"Eh-!?"

"Behind the creation of every locked room is a purpose for its existence. It is those who are not deemed potential culprits that raise suspicion here. It's safe to say that the maid and the cook can be ruled out." 

Halara explained calmly. Uughh, Yuka thought, feeling as if she wanted to cry. 

At the same time, an image came to mind of the gardener murmuring ominously, his shears moving with a 'shing, shing'. Shifting in and out of view, treacherous thoughts were obscured by the parallax within his thicket of words.

Impulsively, Yuka raised her voice. 

"Understood! It was the gardener then."

"Didn't you believe in my 【postcognition】 and your 【sketch】 from the bottom of your heart?"

"Oh- oh yeah...... so then, who?" 

Yuka asked, on the verge of tears. Halara once again let out a sigh. However, they detached their sagacious gaze from Yuka to cast it into space. Halara muttered in contemplation.

"Since they were in the fireplace when the door was opened by the first witness, the culprit was excluded from being with the first person to discover it.... along with the eldest daughter Amnea."

"In that case then, the eldest son, Dalmatia-san? Huh...... but, Amnea-san saw Dalmatia-san in the garden......"

"It's only logical to assume that couldn't possibly be true. Given that Amnea is not the first witness...... it is plausible that she could be a perpetrator. In short, the murderer is Dalmatia, and Amnea is involved as an accomplice through giving false testimony."

I see, Yuka energetically bounced up and down in excitement.

Now the mystery was all but solved.

That should be it.

That is, until Halara opened their mouth to continue.

It was then that the door swung open. A low, beautiful voice began to flow through.

"Oh my, have I been noticed?"

"Y- you're......" 

Yuka's voice couldn't help but tremble.

A slender human bowed gracefully before them, announcing their name with grandeur.

"Salutations, I am Dalmatia Thomson. My father's favorite 【Master Detective】 had finally arrived, and when I came to extend my greetings...... it seems I was exposed before the reconnaissance." 

Murmured a man styled in a distinctive black and white suit. He had black hair and amber-colored eyes. A beautiful young man, just as Yuka depicted in her sketch. His sophisticated and intellectual impression was even stronger when I saw it in person. Shaking his head, the eldest son —— Dalmatia —— forced out in a strained voice.

"Nothing that can be done once it's been found out. Just as you've deduced......I am the one who killed my mother. It's too late to be making any excuses now, I......"

"Why"

"That's what I'll be trying to tell you right now." Dalmatia shrugged off Halara's question as if in inconvenience and shook his head in exasperation. Halara did not care for these theatrical gestures, however. Indifferent, he/she continued questioning.

"Why, are you telling such lies?"

***

"Eh?"

"Huh?"

The two voices overlapped.

The voices of Yuka and Dalmatia.

What are they talking about, Yuka wondered. Wasn't it none other than Halara themself who presented this deduction just a moment ago! Yet at the same time, Yuka began to realize.

It was clear that Halara was trying to go somewhere with this.

He/she spoke in a dry tone. 

"As I just told you before. This stuff is way too basic. It's not even a question. That being the case, there must also be a purpose behind creating a 'locked room meant to be breached'."

"Is...... is it"

"In other words, the problem itself is a trick that assumes the presence of my 【postcognition】." 

Halara asserted.

And so the mystery continues.

Yuka suddenly found herself in a daydream —— standing on a stage where the spotlights focused solely on Halara Nightmare —— only on the person whose beautifully pale complexion was brilliantly illuminated.

Halara continued to seize control of the scene with overwhelming charisma.

As the leading role (detective), he/she told the supporting cast. 

"As told by the client. 'I used to tell my family all about Halara-san', in addition to his habit of running his mouth too fast and blurting everything out. The family had plenty of opportunities to learn the details about my 【postcognition】 if that's the case."

"Which, I'm sure probably happened......"

"Therefore, the task was carried out with the anticipation that the traces of soot would be revealed during the use of 【postcognition】...... There's a lot of strange things going on otherwise."

"Wh- what's so strange?" 

Dalmatia asked with a trembling voice. He glared at Halara with a glint. However, the spotlight remained fixed, continuing to shine only above Halara's head.

He/she responded smoothly.

"First of all, there'd normally be no point in making the victim take sleeping pills. She was —— as one could surmise from the way she was staring at the camera and her lack of focus —— a petite woman with poor eyesight."

"Ah-"

"Anything could've been done to exploit her weaknesses. It would be much more sensible to kill her that way and make it look like the work of a burglar rather than going through the trouble of a locked room. And yet, it was by putting the sleeping pills in the pitcher that the culprit was quickly narrowed down to those involved."

I-indeed, Yuka nodded. That's certainly true. 

Even the initial police investigation limited the culprit to those involved because of that water pitcher. There was no point in setting such a thing up since the victim was a delicate woman who could easily be killed.

Furthermore, Halara continued. 

"Also, although I was promptly called in at the request of the victim's family in this case, police analysis should have originally confirmed that the soot on the floor was from the fireplace. Moreover, it's highly likely that subsequent investigations would reveal the false testimony. And the reason I took the time and effort was because I knew from the beginning that the client would let me solve the mystery —— thus." 

Halara fixed their gaze on Dalmatia. He flinched and clutched his chest while being pierced by their sharp gaze. It was as if he'd been stabbed through the heart. It was there that Halara pushed their verbal blade even further in.

"To become officially identified as the culprit by a Master Detective certified by the World Detective Organization. That was precisely your goal. Once the Master Detective identifies the culprit, the investigation will be closed at that point."

In other words, there’s another culprit.

Halara asserted definitively. Yuka was speechless. What kind of criminal would try to use 【Master Detectives】 for such a purpose? Still, though, Yuka thought. Despite her worry, she opened her mouth.

"But, Halara-san...... isn't it strange?"

"What part?"

—————————————————————

Notes:

There's a part that's describing the gardener's words as 見え隠れ(miegakure), which is a gardening technique that keeps parts of a garden hidden depending on where you're standing, and only becomes visible as you walk through. Closest thing I could compare it to was parallax, but in order to fit the gardening pun I added 'thicket' as a descriptor to try to reflect that.

While I tried to add honorifics, Halara and Yuka sometimes use a -shi honorific for Richard. I don’t know if people are generally familiar with it, so I just replaced it with Mister

Amnea speaks in a very masculine manner, so when I put stuff like ‘man’ and ‘guy’, it’s in a non-gendered dudebro kind of way.

[crimsonprimrose-crime]

I lurk at every Blood+ fansites and whatnots just to see how everyone is doing. But what disappoint me most is seeing fans hate on Haji or doubt Saya's feelings for Haji. Can't blame them though, the anime has only focused on one or two angle. That's why I love the mangas the most. They made Haji so beautiful (literally and character-wise lol). Even Saya is very clear with her feelings for Haji.

My favorite of the series(?) is both Blood+ A (manga) and Blood+ Russian Rose (light novel). There must be something in Russia's air for them to be sooooo into each other.

Look here at Exhibit A:

Here's Saya and her separation issue. My girl be fighting herself when Haji's not around.

For Exhibit B, we have:

Love Birds. Soulmates. You can see how they both look so depressed at the beginning. But Haji promised. Saya smiled. Haji smiled. I will die for the both of them.

And for special Exhibit C, I have extracted this from the light novel:

Before that scene, Saya whispered to Haji how 'good-looking and good mannered' the man is because he can handle horses. Lol. And then that man was introduced to Saya who fancied her and her short hair. Guess who didn't like all of the touching and compliments. Ofc, dear Saya who have never saw Haji jealous before is now curious why is he acting stranger than ever.

I realllly don't wanna spoil the novel but I HAVE to defend my love birds or I'll die in this very spot where I'm writing this. So I'll share this Exhibit D from the light novel again:

Saya's dressing up for a party when Haji entered her room to give her some accessories from a friend. Saya felt awkward so she's trying to push Haji away. But he insisted on putting on her necklace. I SQUEALED READING HIS THOUGHTS "I shouldn't touch her shoulders with my hands, I might sin." something like that. BUT HE CAN'T DO IT. HE HAS TO TOUCH HER OR HE'LL GO INSANE. He was crazy though, for kissing her neck like that. Complimenting her that she looked good. On the other hand, Saya was sulky because she thought he was imitating Joel because Joel would do that to her. BUT HAJI SAW THROUGH THAT. HE HAS TO KISS HER NECK AGAIN, firmly and intimately.

I wish they let Saya and Haji love each other in the anime :< they really really love each other. But we can only dream they had that happy ending with the twins.

I'll try translate the light novel soon. I'm no Japanese expert, still studying. English isn't even my mother tongue lololol. Anyways, do check out my account. I'll upload lots of Blood + content and other stuffs.

[tamblr]

Intro to Tantric Shaivism

Shiva as a god is someone who has been deeply influential in my personal spiritual journey. From watching both Lord Ram and Ravana pray to him to seeing the relationship between Shiva and Shakthi, I was always intuitively fascinated by him and that led naturally to intellectual curiosity. In the previous write up I had summarised the meaning of Tantra, this is a small introduction to Shaivism. 

Shaivism is the worship of Lord Shiva as the supreme being. It is an ancient Hindu sect that is an amalgamation of pre Vedic and Vedic traditions. As such, some scholars have dated the sect to the Indus Valley civilisation at 2500-2000 BCE. 

Shaivism has many schools of thought, two of the most popular ones being: Saiva siddhanta and Kashmiri Shaivism from which we will draw most of the metaphysics, philosophy and cosmology from but first…

Who or what is Shiva? 

The answer to this question itself could be a series all on its own but here’s two etymologies from two of the most ancient languages: Tamil and Sanskrit.

I was reading this incredible novel called Kottravai where the author describes the etymology of the word, Sivam, this is my very rough translation of the tamil text, “from the word meaning, life (Siivam), the people named their lord sivam”. From sivam comes siivan, more predominantly pronounced as jiivan meaning soul or living being. 

Indeed, one of the most ancient names of the lord is pasu-pati, lord (pati) of animals (pasu). In Saiva Siddhanta, pasu is has a further meaning of soul so the lord of souls. 

According to Monier-Williams, the Sanskrit word "Shiva" means "auspicious, propitious, gracious, benign, kind, benevolent, friendly". The root words of shiva in folk etymology are śī which means "in whom all things lie, pervasiveness" and va which means "embodiment of grace”.

While the Tamil etymology talks about who he is, the Sanskrit one gives a description of his characteristics. 

But what is he? 

He is sat-cit-ananda (being-consciousness-bliss). Or more succinctly, the universal consciousness. Kashmiri Shaivism talks about the universal consciousness as having two characteristics: prakasa (light) and vimarsa (reflective awareness) and talks about the universal consciousness as being the efficient cause whose effect is the vibration of consciousness (spanda). Here it should be noted that cause and effect are reciprocal processes where cause leads to effect and effect back to cause.

While we talk about Shiva as masculine, it is important to note that Shiva and Shakthi are a dual principle, like two sides of the same coin where Shakthi is the instrumental cause whose effect is pure energy (kundalini Shakthi). Symbolised in Ardhanadishwara.

Similarly, while Shaivism and vaishnavism are at odds with each other in many aspects, the old name for Visnu in the Tamil was Mayon, the personification of Maya (material reality, illusion) and Shaivite traditions agree that Maya is another aspect of Shakthi. The duality of Shiva and Vishnu is symbolised in Hari-Hara.

Proof of existence 

Saiva siddhanta, a school popular in South India is a philosophical school that is based on theistic realism and therefore offers a rational argument for why the universal consciousness should exist. The proof first begins with 3 laws:

All existing things have arisen and must at some time be destroyed. 

Law I, to the thesis that the world in its entirety must have been created at one point of time, and, again at one point of time, will in its entirety be destroyed; the world has a beginning and an end. 

Everything that gets destroyed must arise again; something that exists cannot become a nothing. 

Law 2, that the world's history will not end with its destruction, but that after a certain time it will be created anew out of itself; a new world-creation will follow a world- destruction. 

Whatever arises must have existed before; a nothing can't turn into an existent something

Law 3, that an eternal living something must form the basis of this world, out of which it was created, and into which it will at some time be resolved, and from which it will at another time again be created.

But why Shiva?

Why is Shiva the personification of the universal consciousness? The answer given is quite simple. 

There is a popular Tamil saying: ‘Anbe Sivam’ which means ‘love is Shiva’ or ‘shiva is love’. To quote from Saiva siddhanta: “You must worship what engages your love, you disciples of advaita.” Advaita means non-duality of subject and object and talks about the relationship between the individual soul and the divine. So from their perspective, anything that fuels your love is your personification of the divine and for Shaivites due to the history, culture and religion, Shiva is who engages their love and hence their devotion.

This is where the idea of Tantra comes into play. ‘The exploration of the inner cosmos is Tantra that helps one discover the inner architecture of one’s self and its relationship with the outer world.’ Tantric Shaivism is essentially the exploration and recognition of the soul and its relationship to Shiva, the personification of the universal consciousness.

Why use a personification?

the soul has three faculties: knowledge, will, action 

it needs something to lean on, which it then imitates and assimilates

its faculties need to be set in motion by some impulse from outside.

When you love something, you desire to understand it, be with it and you immerse your thoughts in it. In other words, you develop devotion. This is what you lean on. The qualities of the personification of the universal consciousness as being auspicious, benevolent, full of grace enable the soul to be able to imitate it and assimilate with it. This love is fuelled by culture, mythology and other personal experiences unique to each individual so theology helps set in motion the faculties of the soul. 

Knowledge - Knowledge can roughly be of two types: intellectual knowledge and instinctual knowledge. Instinctual knowledge is brought about by faith and the faith is strengthened through intellectual knowledge gathered from reading scripture, philosophy etc. Sometimes instinct can give rise to intellectual curiosity and other times intellectual exploration can give rise to a deity that is instinctually recognised by the soul. 

Will - the will is simply the ability of a person to concentrate completely on the divine and is fuelled by devotion and resilience of one’s faith and this initiates action.

Action - action is the performance of inner (meditation, chanting mantras) and outer (puja, yoga) rituals acting as a symbolic union from which the actual union with the divine occurs

One of my main resources was the book Saiva Siddhanta: An Indian School of mystical thought in addition to other resources which I would be happy to link if anyone is curious.

[vndev]

Free VFX & Consultation for NaNoRenO 2024 Jammers!

Hey everyone!  I hope you've had a great time participating in NaNoRenO this year!  I'm Nai from Make Visual Novels, though I imagine more of you know me either through our live team building events in DevTalk, or from the other jams and competitions I run.  I wanted to let you guys know that, for a limited time, I'm offering free consultations for jammers participating in NaNoRenO2024.  With those consultations, I'll also be creating VFX for your title screens to help you make a stronger first impression.

So you might be asking...

Why would I even want a consultation, Nai?

Something went really wrong and you want to know how to fix it .

Something went really right and you want to know how to take advantage of it.

You had an objective that you got close to, but couldn't quite hit it.

You want to go Pro with developing VNs, and you'd like guidance.

You feel lost in some part of the process, and need help setting goals for your circumstances.

You tasted VN Dev, you can't imagine a life without it, and you want tools, resources & opportunities.

Okay, but why you?

I've spent nearly a decade supporting and coaching visual novel developers reaching their personal and professional goals.

I've read over 500 indie visual novels.  I know what your peers are doing, and where they are succeeding and where they're struggling.

I run & judge for the largest sponsored visual novel development competition.  That 500 was a conservative estimate.

My network includes VN engine & game developers, game, book, comic & VN publishers, merchandise providers & manufacturers, marketing professionals, crowdfunding experts, professional programmers, illustrators, animators, graphic designers, VFX artists, 3D Artists(specifically modelling, texturing, rigging, and lighting) editors, pixel artists, Live2D capable artists, authors, narrative designers, translators, composers, musicians, singers, casting directors, voice actors (so many voice actors).And, probably most importantly, people who are living the experiences you're looking for.

In short: If I don't know the answer and/or can't come up with a solution to your very specific goals, I know someone who can.

I'm in.  Now what?

To be eligible for the free consultation and the VFX, you need to have a game submitted to the NaNoRenO 2024 jam page and follow its rules.

Having a list of questions to ask is a good idea.  Having goals is an even better one.  If you don't have goals, we can work on setting them.

For best results, you or a team representative should be present for the consultation.  These are conducted between 6:00 PM and 9:00 PM ET on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Message me over on Discord (discord:naidriftlin) or in DevTalk(https://discord.gg/devtalk) to set up a time and day.

Some things to keep in mind: 

Don't ask me to roast your game/be brutal.  I don't do that.  I can provide critique with suggestions and examples.

These consultations will be conducted live on https://twitch.tv/makevisualnovels.  My viewers are typically your peers and VN industry folks, and usually not exceeding 10 concurrent viewers.  A VOD recording will be provided to you to download for 30 days afterwards.

The free VFX for your title screen is eligible for those who complete the consultations.  It will be tailored to your existing title screen visuals and delivered afterwards.  I may opt to stream and record the process of making them.

[yuurei20]

Short Translation from Twst the 2nd novel: Leona and Ruggie, to overblot (pt1)

"‘Leona-san, what are you thinking!?’ Ruggie steps in front of Leona. ‘Why would you use your unique magic like this…if you keep going—‘

‘Why?’ Leona interrupts. 'Obviously, it’s to shut you all up.’

Saying this, Leona grabs Ruggie by the throat, silencing his reprimands. Emaciated Ruggie's neck is so thin, it fits easily within one of Leona's hands.

‘Ruggie-senpai!’ Overwhelmed by fear, Yuuya finds himself shouting without realizing it. It is so terrifying to behold that he has forgotten everything about the fights and disagreements that he has seen up until this point.

Screams and gasps for breath can be heard all around them. Riddle and Silver shout 'Stop!,' but the sandstorm prevents anyone from getting close enough to intervene.

‘How does it feel, Ruggie? Can't use your silver tongue like this.’

There is an echo of a thin, anguished scream. Wrinkles begin to appear on Ruggie's neck as his arms and legs flail and struggle.

Initially Yuuya thinks it is just due to Leona's tight grip, but soon Ruggie’s skin is thinning, revealing the shape of the bones beneath. Wherever Leona touches him, the moisture drains from Ruggie's body.

‘Enough!’ There is no time left to waste. Riddle swings his staff, taller than himself, without hesitation.

‘Off with your head!’

Riddle's powerful signature spell, which seals off the magical power of any opponent. The magic-suppressing collar appears as a ring of light, flying straight for Leona.

Though Leona must see it coming, he shows no sign of panic.

‘Don't interfere.’

There is a sound of metal colliding against metal. It is a high-pitched noise that makes Yuuya unconsciously furrow his brows.

Simultaneously, the light that Riddle cast shatters, and is gone.

‘Just now, was that…’ Grim's cracking voice shifts Yuuya's sense of disbelief into certainty. ‘R-Riddle's collar was deflected!’

‘You’re kidding. He beat Housewarden Rosehearts’ magic?’ Deuce is not alone in stumbling physically backwards in disbelief.

Everyone who knows Riddle's power now trembles in renewed fear.

What they have just witnessed—it is unbelievable. The mighty force that is Riddle’s magic, dreaded by all, so easily blocked?

Amid the astonished stares directed at him, Riddle himself suffers the greatest shock.

His eyes goes wide, his lips trembling as he mutters, 'But that's absurd.'

For someone as brilliant as Riddle, this must be unprecedented.

Leona, however, does not even look Riddle’s way.

‘I don't know if you're some kind of prodigy or what, but an attack from some big-headed brat won't work on me. Up on your high horse, underestimating your elders—you go too far.’

Leona knows exactly how to humiliate an opponent.

Riddle grits his teeth but Leona only twists his lips into a mocking smile, gazing intently into Ruggie’s face, holding him fast in one hand."

[wildflower-otome]

[Translation] Clover no Kuni no Alice ~Promise Red~ Light Novel - Chapter 7

Writer: Sana Shirakawa Artist: 文月ナナ

ACT 7 - Red eyes make a binding promise

This place was always coloured a vivid red.

From the furniture down to the flowers blooming in the garden, it was all a magnificent red. The first time she had come to the Castle, it was so striking she had found it overwhelming to look at, but had now grown completely used to it.

‘Miss, what would this one be?’

‘That one is…..my spare clothes, I think. Then, would I be able to get you to place it near that closet? I'll put them away later.’

‘And what about this one?’

‘Ah, those are some books I bought. I'll put them away on the shelf later too, so for now please put them on the table.’

The maids who were bringing her luggage into various spots in the room happily replied with an, ‘Understood.’ Even though the task had nothing to do with the upkeep of the Castle, not a single one looking as if they found the work disagreeable, they were helping Alice out.

The only person looking dissatisfied was the White Rabbit whom she had forbidden from helping just before.

‘Alice, why won't you let me help you? Even without using these faceless, I would have gladly assisted you.’

‘.....There's no way I'd borrow the help of someone who was trying to throw away my things, on top of skipping out on their own job, is there? Sure you shouldn't be getting back to work now, “Lord” White?’

‘Alice-, please don't say such cold things-’

Ignoring his pleading sounding voice, Alice stuck out her tongue at him a little.

Ten time periods had already passed since the end of the Assembly. Having returned to Heart Castle from Clover Tower, it had been the noon time period just before that the room she had been staying in temporarily had been officially allotted to Alice as her bedroom.

Peter had immediately attempted to arrange it with lavish furniture, and suggested some large scale remodelling, but she had said no to both. That said, if she was going to be staying in this room from now on, it was only the truth that she'd grown to miss the daily essentials she had become used to using.

‘All the same…..I probably can't go get my things from Hatter Mansion, can I.’

Still, she didn't really want to buy everything from scratch all over again. It would be a waste. She wasn't sure what to do.

Just as she was thinking that, Alice's belongings from Hatter Mansion had arrived.

Despite the items being addressed to Alice, the sender had still been Blood. Just as they had finally been about to get through to her after being thoroughly checked countless times, this Prime Minister had ordered them destroyed.

It had been almost miraculous timing that Alice had happened on the scene just as they were about to be thrown out.

She might also have heard it from a little bug as well.

‘They are certainly your belongings, but I was thinking of buying you the same ones brand new. After all, surely you must dislike using things that bunch at Hatter Mansion touched, all covered in germs! Right, Alice?’

‘Don't put me in the same category as you.’

The germaphobic Prime Minister was insistent, but Alice was not the kind of person to agree with him.

She had borrowed the help of the maids to carry them to the place that was now her room, and that was how they had arrived at the current situation.

‘Miss…..these ones seem a little different from the rest, what should we do with them?’

‘Huh? I wonder what they are, I don't think I've seen them before either….’

An object wrapped in paper. From the looks of things, it had been wrapped hastily, but it was something Alice didn't remember seeing before. As she tried holding it in her hands, it wasn't as heavy as it had looked.

It appeared to be the last of the luggage, so after she had thanked them, the maids left the room. After seeing them off, Alice opened the package.

‘Alice, please don't ignore me.’

Raising his voice pitifully, the White Rabbit also peered at the item from beside her.

Tearing off the tape that had been stuck here and there, as she  opened it up—there was something unexpected inside.

‘Ah!’

A realistic looking doll that was difficult to call cute, an assortment of orange-coloured cookies, and a thick leather bound book.

‘This must be from Dee and Dum…..somehow or other, it does look like one of their “stress dummies” after all.’

The roughly made doll had something of the air of the ones the twins often brought to the bath to break. The small note written in a flowing cursive attached to it that said, “Whether you're feeling stressed enough that this doll won't be able to help or not, we'll play with you anytime” was very like them.

The case containing the orange-coloured cookies had the words, “I'll keep on looking for stores with tasty looking stuff” energetically scrawled into it. Even if there had been no message, just from the colour she would have been able to tell whom it had been from straight away.

‘That's so like Elliot…’

She could imagine so clearly even the look on his face that he had while choosing amongst his favourite foods she began to smile despite herself.

And then, her hand touched the final item.

‘..........’

A title embossed in gold on a leather cover. It wasn't a book she was familiar with, but she didn't even need to open it to know who it was from.

As she took it into her hands and turned the pages, there was a small bookmark wedged inside. It was a stylish looking item, of a pale red colour, with a cut out in the shape of a rose. The message attached to the bookmark was also written in familiar handwriting.

—Whenever you want to read the next one, come over at anytime—

‘.....I wonder if they're thinking I'm the type to keep coming back home.’

All the same, it made her happy, and she was unable to help laughing a little.

Even if they were apart, even if they didn't live in the same place, it made her happy that her bond with them wouldn't disappear.

‘Alice.’

‘Ah, Peter. Looks like these are presents from everyone-…..Hey, what's wrong?’

Seeing the White Rabbit look so obviously discontent, the girl tilted her head quizzically.

On the other hand, seeing Alice look so puzzled, Peter let out a sigh.

‘Why are you so happy about presents from the likes of them-? Even though if you wanted the same thing, I would give it to you…..this is too cruel-’

‘Um…..the reason presents make people happy isn't just to do with the thing itself, you know?’

With what intention the other person gave it to you, understanding how they’d felt when they'd chosen it. It was because you knew that they had been thinking of you, that the giving itself brought one joy.

Still, apparently not understanding the delicacy of such emotions the White Rabbit was muttering, ‘As I thought, I should have disposed of them while you weren't looking.’

‘Just so you know, it would be meaningless for you to copy everyone and give me the same thing, Peter.’

‘Wha-! H-How did you know that was what I was thinking…!?’

‘.....So that was what you were going to do.’

She had thought that it couldn't be, but apparently it had been the right decision to warn him in advance. Normally she didn't understand what this Rabbit was thinking, but it was only in times like this she could read his thoughts.

Smiling wryly at the red eyes as they looked at the book Alice was holding with strong distaste, after temporarily putting it down on the table, she gently stretched her hands out to the White Rabbit's cheeks.

‘Peter.’

‘Alice?’

And then, standing on tiptoe—she lightly pressed her lips against his.

She laughed at the White Rabbit, whose eyes were widened with surprise.

‘Peter…..aren’t you happy to get a kiss from me? Would you have preferred a kiss from someone else?’

‘'No-, of course not-! If another person did the same thing, I would shoot them-’

For the time being choosing to ignore this disquieting remark, Alice continued to smile broadly.

This Rabbit didn't understand things unless they were said to him so directly there was no room for misunderstandings. That was something she knew well from all the time she had spent with him up until now.

‘Right? Then give me something I'd be happy to get from you, Peter. Something I'd be happy to get only from you, and no one else…..alright?’

‘Alice.’

Alice had been feeling relieved seeing the change in the slightly reddened face of the White Rabbit, but that was only for an instant.

Taking hold of the hands she had touching his face, Peter spoke, sounding as if he were getting more and more worked up.

‘In other words, you want me…..isn't that right, Alice! A gift that only I can give you, that has to be what you mean!’

‘Wha-.....Peter, wait a moment-.....!!’

It appeared her voice of protest hadn't reached the white long ears. No, even if it had, perhaps its meaning not getting through to him, Alice was all of a sudden picked up and carried over to the bed.

‘Alice, Alice…..Ah, I love you-’

‘Mnn-!’

She tried to push Peter away as he hugged her as if overcome with emotion, kissing her again and again, but in an instant he'd closed the distance between them, and she lost any place to run.

‘I'm so happy having you right here with me, I might just go mad!’

Ecstatically, as if in a rapture.

When she saw him smiling as if completely content—she was unable to push back all that much.

The game that had been conducted at the final Assembly. After putting his gun away, the White Rabbit had hugged Alice and said to her-

"I had believed that you would win, but…..even if you hadn't, I never could have given you to the Hatter. Alice, no matter what the result was, I would stay with you even if it meant breaking the rules."

The rules of this world were a restriction that Alice the Outsider couldn't comprehend. The penalties for breaking them, and how difficult it was to do so, were things she was unable to imagine either.

‘Alice, I love you. I—want to stay like this with you always, forever.’

Hands that stroked her hair. Lips that touched her skin. Heat that she could directly feel near.

Alice felt as if she were melting into all of it yet again.

‘Please…..stay with me forever. Let me feel you closer than anyone, Alice.’

—Since meeting you, even in the midst of his worries…..he is growing closer to happiness—

The one who had told her that was the dream demon who appeared in her dreams.

She thought that just as he had said, Peter had changed. The way Peter was right now was completely different to the Peter that had been satisfied just being together, not wanting anything more than that.

She was wanted. She was desired.

This too pure Rabbit needed no one else but Alice.

‘Peter.’

Is it because I'm needed?

Because I'm necessary to him?

Because he wants me?

Is that why, we're together?

She couldn't say without a doubt that that wasn't the case.

Because unlike Peter, Alice had more than one thing that was important to her.

But even so, she wanted to be with him. Right now she strongly wished to be by the side of this too pure being.

‘.....You haven't forgotten the promise you made me just before, have you?’

She wanted to be the only one that these white hands and red eyes looked for.

‘Yes, I remember—only you, you are the only thing that makes me happy. I don't want to touch anyone but you.’

Neither body nor heart.

The White Rabbit who hadn't wanted to touch anyone.

She wanted that hand to touch even the pounding of her heart coming through her skin. Drowning in those emotions, Alice was becoming pure white.

Although she knew she couldn't become as pure a white as him, she felt as if she could become just a little white.

Alice, who had nothing pure about her, and a Rabbit that was so pure he couldn't be touched.

Even though the only thing they had in common was their weakness.

'Is it alright that I dirty you...when I touch you?’

If she were to touch him, he would be tainted. Just like leaving footprints in freshly fallen snow, a feeling of elation, and a slight sense of guilt.

Each time she touched Peter, Alice always felt those two extremities of emotion.

‘You aren't dirty at all. Rather, I am the one who is tainting you.’

His lips lightly touched her. Brushing her cheek, her jaw, tracing down her neck.

‘I only drown in you. I can't see anyone, or anything, but you.’

Ah—if only she could do the same someday.

She wondered if the day would come when she only looked at these beautiful red eyes, and nothing else.

Although it seemed to be quite a simple thing, at the same time it would be more difficult than anything.

‘Peter.’

‘Yes.’

‘Don't ever…..let me go.’

—Just you, stay at my side forever—

As Alice said that to him, unable to completely convey everything she truly felt, the White Rabbit smiled as if happy.

‘Of course. Then Alice, please always stay in a place where my hands can reach you.’

Beautiful eyes that looked like blood, like roses.

Right now they were filled with joy and happiness.

Even though the string of fate couldn't be seen on either of their two little fingers.

The vivid gaze made her a red promise, for sure.

[pjsk-story-summaries]

Kamishiro Rui "Endless Imagination and Challenges" Fes Card Story Summary

Fan translation (Arvon Oven) Part 1 / Part 2

Part 1: Wonderlands x Showtime debrief after a successful show. The others praise Rui for his thorough safety planning and creative shows. Rui, in turn, tells them about his two inspirations; a director who wants to connect others through shows and the novelist who invented science fiction. As a kid, Rui loved to read the stories and hypothesize about them; specifically, one about someone getting launched to the moon. Tsukasa questions if this is why Rui's so bent on sending him flying all the time.

Back home, Rui pulls out the book, "Moon Travels". He reflects on how he once wanted to turn the novel into a play, and how he fell in love with one line in particular: "What people can fathom, people can create". The line taught him about both possibility and loneliness. But, now he has Tsukasa, Emu, and Nene. Suddenly, Rui's phone flashes and brings him to SEKAI. There, he finds a glowing orb, transporting him to a strange but familiar Fragment SEKAI upon touch.

Part 2: Rui stumbles upon a miniature version of Tsukasa, Emu, and Nene working together to build a cannon to launch themselves to the moon. Tsukasa notices the comparatively massive Rui and immediately panics. Emu greets him happily while Nene tries to run away. Through their explanation of their task, Rui realizes the Fragment SEKAI is based off the book he loved so much. He offers to help them build the cannon both faster and safer, to which the others graciously agree.

Finally, the cannon is complete. Rui thanks the others for believing in him, to which the miniature Tsukasa returns the sentiment. He asks if Rui would continue to work with them to conquer even greater challenges. Rui declines, though, since he has three very similar friends who he must return to. With a hearty farewell, Rui lights the cannon and sends his three friends off. Just before they go, Tsukasa thanks Rui again, stating that "There is nothing we all cannot do!" Rui happily returns the sentiment.

He's then sent back to the main SEKAI, where KAITO greets him. KAITO explains the concept of a Fragment of Feelings, though he can't say for certain who's feelings created it. Rui reminisces on the experience, now knowing that "What people can fathom, people can create" truly is possible as long as it's those three by his side.