#When I say love I tend to mean it in a non romantic sense

[littleblueberryartist]

We've talked about Venti's love vs Istaroth's and how they parallel one another

But what about the traveller? What about the exception to teyvat's laws? (Also them being an exception to the whole neverending loop of twin/doppelganger deaths maybe lol)

Something something the power of love gets me so what if the unforseen factor is the traveller's love. For teyvat, for their sibling, for their friends.

I mentioned how venti's own love may have sentenced him to his fate. But what if it's the traveller's love that saves him?

Who would be better to bend fate than one who exists outside of it?

[yanderes-galore]

(Despair girls) Nagito concept where he keeps getting threatened by reader? - Dredge anon

Been YEARS since I played Despair Girls so I had to do my research here. Might not be that long, but here's masochistic man.

Yandere! Servant! Nagito with Darling threatening him

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Masochistic, Self-deprecating tendencies, Clingy behavior, Manipulation, Stalking, Nagito is down HORRENDOUS, Dark themes, Forced relationship.

I mean, I think normal Nagito is pretty bad... but Servant?

He's still delusional and deranged, but oddly more controlled.

Probably due to his brainwashing.

He's manipulative force throughout the game, pretending to play slave as he works his own plans.

He's not entirely dangerous, seeming non-violent whenever he appears.

He's unusually calm, polite, and apathetic to the disturbing things he witnesses.

He sees everything as a game and tends to be... Insensitive towards others in this state.

Nagito is implied to be masochistic, casually accepting any sort of mistreatment that may happen to him.

No sense of self-worth in the slightest.

Nagito sees his obsession as a seed of hope.

You mean a lot to him, especially if you only seem to thrive during this game he put together.

He finds it lovely that you're surviving well!

You could hate Nagito and he'd still be obsessive.

You could tell him you want him dead, all while he silently nods and agrees with a lovesick gaze.

He admires you, you're so resilient, so strong...

He bets you have so much hope as his little darling.

He's so delusional about you that, yes, you could threaten him and he'd just... go with it.

After all, as a servant he's meant to be mistreated, yes?

Sure, you should blame him for dragging you into this mess... he deserves it....

You insulting him, threatening him, let's be honest...

He's just oddly into it when it comes to you?

You make him feel despair... which is merely a womb for hope...!

If he lets you take out your anger on him... then you need him, right?

You need him as your stress ball... one to degrade and threaten to your heart's content....

Nagito accepts it when you blame him, yelling you'll kill him when you get the chance.

He can't help but smile, asking if that will make you happy?

Will that give you hope for escape?

If he lets you hurt him, kick him, make him bleed...

Will you be happy, relieved, pleased?

Fine, then... if it gives you hope, cover yourself in his blood if you wish.

It's an honor to be the cause of your despair, just to see you get hopeful at the idea of hurting him.

It's euphoric, actually.

Safe to say, your attempts at threatening him are just met with him encouraging you.

He'll help you with your threats if you wish...!

Your hate for him falters for a moment when he makes you put a hand around his neck after you threaten to strangle him.

You could threaten him with a knife and he'd guide your hand to an area, nudging you to apply pressure.

You could pull a gun on him and he'd help you aim.

He grins, saying he'll comply as you're quickly filled with... disgust.

Your hate for him just makes him fall deeper into obsession.

His obsession is so strong that he'd allow you to destroy him if it meant you'd be hopeful.

Nagito would do anything for hope.

Threatening him doesn't deter him.

It encourages him.

Degrade him, hurt him, kill him...

He'll take it eagerly if it pleases you, if it makes your eyes sparkle with hope for even a second.

[torialefay]

Moon in Sagittarius 🚩🚩

toxic-ish!minho x fem!reader angst; (based on astrology) 🔞

✨ synopsis: your boyfriend minho doesn’t do well with being told no. he is objectively toxic, but eventually becomes less terrible.

✨ word count: ~2k

✨ 2nd part in my Minho as Your Boyfriend Astrology Series (check my masterlist for full series)! together, let’s take a look into minho’s natal chart to see what type of boyfriend he would be!

✨ i will give a brief synopsis of what each chart placement means throughout the series (for all my non-astrology friends out there <3) and how that would affect lee know in a relationship

✨ author’s notes:

(1) i do brief compatibility readings w/ skz members! if interested, send your natal chart to my inbox, as well as which member you’d like me to read for OR if i think there is one member best suited to you <3 (i am verrrrry much behind on these, but feel free to send them. may take a few weeks)

(2) the aspects in this reading are based solely on my opinions and interpretations! nothing about a person is set in stone simply because of astrology. please don’t use anything i say as canon :)

✨warnings: toxic minho, slightly suggestive at the end

Moon in Sagittarius:

• The Moon is the ruler of emotions. It is also who you could feel yourself to be, if all was stripped from you. Many people relate it to the “psyche” or the unconscious. It represents the parts of ourselves that are most fundamental, that we may not even understand. It also reflects our “baseline” energy that we radiate while sitting quietly, being content with our own company. It is the part of ourselves that we really want to be SEEN and understood, even if we do not see or understand it ourselves.

• Sagittarius is the mutable fire sign. They are passionate people who are deeply intrigued by the world around them. They are known for needing a sense of freedom and individuality. They do not like to be tied down. In the same regard, they value exploration, adventure, and meeting new people. They see others as unique individuals and can likely meet them wherever they are at emotionally. Sagittarius people are quick thinkers, witty, and fun-loving.

• Long story short: Moon in Sagittarius people can often have light-hearted, often shifting emotions. They do not like to feel like they are pinned down to any one place. They do not like being told what to do. They will, however, bring a fun element to any time of relationship- platonic or romantic. They are fiercely loyal and passionate about those they love. They do not always feel comfortable with their emotions, so they tend to be flighty and try to run away from this. This is not a great coping mechanism and can lead to a lot of problems in expressing themselves emotionally and what they need from someone else.

As your boyfriend:

• Minho takes you on the most fun, most elaborate dates ever. He’d always find cool new things to do. And of course, he’d want to take his favorite person with him.

• He loves going home with you to meet your parents and learn more about where you grew up. He may have a nature that doesn’t come across this way, but he would inherently love getting to understand you better and see new places.

• He wants to travel with you!!! He will take you literally anywhere you want to go. And when you do, it’s just your own little world. Just the two of you.

• You have the most intellectual conversations ever. He has a lot of abstract ideas about life, and he isn’t afraid to talk to you about them. He likes to know the way you think about it too.

• You have a core group of friends that you hang out with as a couple. It’s not too big of a group, but getting together with them and having a night to cut loose is super important to him. And he loves the fact that he gets to do it with you.

• Friday night, you started to get excited as you heard the keys jingle in the lock of your shared apartment with Minho.

• Today had been a really tough week at work, and all you wanted to do was have a nice relaxing weekend with your boyfriend to decompress.

• Well, if we’re being honest, you felt like you’d crumble away to nothing if you didn’t get it. The stress was that bad.

• “Hi jagi,” Minho greeted you as he came through the hallway to the living room where you were sitting.

• “Hey honey! Please come sit with me. I need to rant about my day,” you pouted.

• He pulled a wide smirk across his face. “Well now you sound like me,” he teased.

• He walked over to the couch and plopped down next to you, letting his hand rest on your thigh.

• “Okay, what’s going on?” he asked.

• “So you know how I told you about the girl I went to high school with who just started at work? The one that’s a bitch?”

• Minho laughed. “You think everyone you work with is a bitch.”

• “You do too,” you stared at him.

• “I do not! Jisung is alright,” he smirked again, knowing that one would get an eye roll out of you… And it did.

• “Anywayssss, that girl. I’m already overwhelmed with stuff I have to get done to meet my deadline at the end of this month, and then she strolls up asking if I can help her with all of her shit too. Knowing damn well how busy I am. I see her over there laughing her ass off on the phone all day long. If she’d stop, then maybe she’d get something done. And THEN, after I told her I couldn’t because I had a bunch to work through as well, apparently she went to one of the main managers and complained that I wasn’t a good co-worker. Saying that apparently I should ‘give her a hand since she’s new’… I mean who goes to a manager with that shit and doesn’t even do a damn thing all day? All she does is gossip and talk shit. So NOW, I have a meeting with our manager Monday morning to talk about it, AND she’s spreading this all around that ‘I’m so horrible to her.’ Like genuinely, the only thing keeping me sane right now was knowing that I was coming home to you.”

• “Aww honey, I’m sorry.” Minho took your hand in his and brought it up to his mouth to plant a kiss on the back of it. “I can cook or we can order some food in and have a good night together. Whatever you want to do tonight. Just let me know what you want.”

• “I don’t want you to have to cook. I really just want you here with me. Maybe we could order some take out and then do a movie? I’m just super drained. Maybe tomorrow we could do something more fun.”

• “Tomorrow? I have plans with the boys. Felix, Jeongin, and I planned a camping trip for the weekend. It sounded like fun. But whatever you want to do tonight, we’ll do.”

• You shot up off the back of the seat. Surely you heard him wrong.

• “You’re doing what tomorrow?”

• “Going camping with Felix and I.N…”

• “Well, it would have been nice if you’d talked to me about that sooner… Or, I don’t know, maybe have just asked?”

• “Asked what? Asked if it was okay?” Minho scoffed.

• “Well, yeah?” you replied, furrowing your brows in confusion and frustration. The fuck is he being like this?

• “Sorry, I didn’t know I needed to ask for your permission to hang out with my friends,” he said sarcastically.

• “It’s not ‘asking for my permission.’ I’m just asking you to check in with me first- to talk about it...- is that so awful?”

• “I mean I would say that telling me that I either am allowed or aren’t allowed to see my friends is pretty awful. I’m an adult, y/n. You’re not my fucking parent.”

• Your blood was boiling at this point. The last thing you wanted to do was to “parent” him. But goddamn, wouldn’t it be nice for him to just see if maybe you needed him for the weekend? Or maybe if there was something he forgot was going on? Or to just let you KNOW about it? Jesus fucking Christ, here we go again.

• “I’m not trying to ‘parent’ you. I’m not trying to tell you what to do. I’m just asking that you COMMUNICATE with me what you want to do so that I know in advance. This is the second time this month alone that you've done this… And to be honest, I really don’t want you going.”

• “Here it is,” Minho rolled his eyes with an annoyed smile. “You always do this. The second I mention wanting to spend time with the boys, you’re suddenly all disapproving,” he let out a strained, sarcastic chuckle before clearing his throat. “I’m sorry if you ‘don’t want me going’, but you don’t get to tell me what I can and can’t do.”

• Minho let out a deep breath before putting his hands on his knees and using the pressure to pull himself to standing. “I’m going tomorrow. Let me know I guess if you want to spend time with me tonight.” He looked down at you before walking away to the bedroom.

• And then, the house went quiet. For a long time.

• At that point, you’d decided to just give up. Your boyfriend was a conceited asshole and there was nothing you could do about it. You were upset, but you knew that crying wouldn’t help. After all of this shit, you just wanted to sleep.

• Problem: Minho was in the bedroom. You were too exhausted to fight anymore, now not even hungry to think about dinner. Instead, you just balled yourself up on the couch and went to sleep with a resentful heart.

• An hour later, Minho came creeping out of the bedroom to find you lying peacefully on the couch. He bent down next to you.

• “Jagi,” he whispered, brushing his hand along your shoulder.

• “Jagi,” he said again, a bit louder this time. You stirred a little bit.

• “Honey, please wake up. I need to talk to you,” he said as he saw your eyes slowly open, a confused look coming over your face.

• You took your time to sit upright. Another conversation about his little "boy’s trip" was the last thing you wanted right now.

• “What is it?” you mumbled grumpily.

• “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I did earlier.”

• You didn’t say anything back. I mean, what could you say? It was the truth.

• “And I’m going to work on that. To work on talking to you about things better, I mean. Maybe I can have a hard time doing that sometimes.” He never would admit when he was wrong. But this was a start.

• You just looked at him, trying to give him a facial expression for him to go on. You weren’t satisfied yet.

• “And I decided I’m going to stay home with you instead. You need me more than the boys do.”

• “Okay, you don’t have to do that, Min. You can still go, but I just needed you to understand where I was coming from.”

• “And I do understand now. That’s why I’m staying with you. I made up my mind. That’s what I want to do,” he said with a proud smile.

• You let out a soft chuckle. “You’re always gonna do whatever you wanna do, huh?” you joked. You finally flashed him a smile. The first smile you’d had all night.

• He just looked at you with a grin, giving a little bit of side eye. “If that’s true, then what if I wanna do you?”

• You tried to tease him by pushing him away, giggling a little in the process.

• “You better cut it out,” he said, pulling himself back to you until he was hovering right in front of your face. “I get to do whatever I want, remember?” He smiled as he inched his lips closer, but stopped himself right before letting them touch yours. “I made my mind up. I’m gonna do you. Whatever I say goes, Jagi.”

———————————————————————

✨ author’s note: moon in sag has a lot of wonderful aspects as well, i just chose to write on the more angsty side of things :)

✨ if you enjoyed, please consider liking, commenting, and/or re-blogging <3

[imitationgame77]

What is Aromanticism???

Here on Tumblr, I see many posts mentioning aroace, aromantic, queer-platonic, etc., and I have been trying to understand, but still find it difficult.

If a person describes self as aromantic (= have no experience of romantic feelings towards others), this is fine. It is subjective definition, so must be respected.

But I don't know what it means when a relationship between two individuals is just described as aromantic, I don't know how to interpret that, unless there are more descriptions.

It is almost like dividing all the fruits into apple and non-apple. We can accept that it is NOT an apple, but then what is it?

Obviously, if we are talking about two individuals who can agree on their interpersonal relationship, that is fine. But when there is not necessarily agreement between the two participating individuals, how do the outsiders know?

Even more so, if these are fictional characters.

An American psychologist Robert Sternberg developed the famous "Triangular Theory of Love" in 1980s, where he characterised love between individuals with 3 factors: Intimacy, Passion, and Commitment. When these are combined you get 7 types of love. (Liking, infatuation, empty love, romantic love, companionate love, fatuous love, and non-love).

Generally, passion is interpreted as related to physical/sexual attraction.

So, if you see two individuals who seem to like each other a lot, but remove Passion from the picture, you are left with either "Liking" or "Companionate Love".

Companionate love is great for long-term relationship where the excitement is gone, but trust, caring feeling and understanding are still there. But I feel uncertain about calling ALL the GREAT relationships minus the Passion part as just "companionate". Something feels missing.

Why can we not call that excitement when you get to know someone and you just click? Instant chemistry, and you know that this person is going to be a great friend to you. Sometimes you can get infatuated with your new friend.

Friend or best friend are also good terms, but they don't encapusulate the specialness - some people have lots of best friends. (Or so they say.) Sometimes, there is a sense of exclusivity - resulting in jealousy when a third party comes along.

I wish there is a term to describe a relationship where two individuals care for each other greatly, can understand and accept each other with all the differences and irritating bits about each other, so special and valuable that do not want to lose each other, and gain greatest pleasure in each other's company above everything else.

I think it is possible to have this without sexual or physical attraction, can even have other friends or sexual relationships elsewhere. But this is THE most significant relationship that transcends everything else.

When people see some of these traits, we tend to think of them romantic. Even when we do not expect them to have relationships like lovers do. Because we see chemistry, bond, trust and everything that we desire. Maybe, the same brain areas that process very romantic things respond in a similar way.

I see this in Holmes and Watson (original), Sherlock and John (BBC Sherlock), House and Wilson (House, MD), Myron Bolitar and Win (Harlan Coben's Myron Bolitar series), and recently, Murderbot and ART. (That used to include Aziraphale and Crowley while their passion bit was subtext)

I don't imagine them in sexual or other physically intimate relationships, but the special bond between each of these pairs feels romantic. Because they are so special.

I need a simple word. Not a word meaning "not-something"...

[prince-liest]

I feel like this is a risky question but if you don’t want to answer you know what to do. Reading 666 I questioned so many things on love and relationships that I’d already started to question before, but not to such extent. Inevitably this led to a talk with my psychologist (you know how people joke “my therapist will hear about you” well yeah that happened) and asked her what’s the difference between romantic and platonic love if we exclude social expectations. To this she replied it’s sexual chemistry you can have with more than one person, and nothing more. Beside that, it’s technically still just “platonic”. The more I think about it the more sense it makes. In which case, I wanna ask if you agree as an aroace, and in the terms of 666 does that technically mean Alastor loves Vox in that sense? I think you’ve said before he wouldn’t go as far with anyone else, so I guess I’m asking you if he feels genuine sexual chemistry with him, because I do have a hard time figuring that out while reading (unreliable narrator is my enemy) and most of the time I’m even more confused than Vox is on how much Alastor is enjoying anything sex related

I have a couple of things to say about this one, haha. It was interesting to think about, and I'm admittedly more delighted than I should be that I've made it into someone's therapy session, hahaha.

Firstly, I disagree with your psych about how to define romantic love and I think the same would go for a ton of people both aro and allo. "Friends with benefits" is a known concept that is different from "romantic partner" for a reason, and I don't think we'd have so many "we started out friends with benefits but, oh no, we caught feelings down the line, how unexpected!" romance plotlines if friends with benefits was the same thing as a romance apart from social expectations. Also, this way of describing non-platonic love makes it impossible for non-aro ace people to love romantically purely by definition, and I think many non-aro ace folks would disagree with that.

Secondly, Alastor isn't sexually attracted to Vox in 666 regardless. He enjoys the things they do, which is very different. Not to get too clinical about it, but he doesn't even tend to experience sexual arousal unless they're getting up to the very specific type of acts that he's personally into, which is why every time Alastor is taking on the dominant role his internal narration is pretty much just going on about wanting to eat Vox whole - it's entirely a non-sexual sadism thing for him, even if Vox is still getting off. It's possible to enjoy sexual activities for reasons other than sexual gratification, and that's about 80% of what Alastor gets out of their encounters.

If you want to see what it looks like when I write from the POV of a character who is sexually attracted to their partner as a point of comparison, I recommend reading How to Bag an Angel: Take That, Depression! and then contrasting that to Alastor's internal narrative in the 666 chapter where he fucks Vox. But as a straight answer, I write Alastor as a character who sometimes gets off on being forced into submission/humiliation, and not really all that much else.

I think defining romantic vs platonic feelings can be very personal, and both psychologists and philosophers have been trying to do it for ages, so it's something that you kind of have to define for yourself - but that's my view on it as pertains to this fic, at least! I hope that was helpful!

[saeskiss]

𝐊𝐀𝐙𝐔𝐇𝐀, 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐎𝐃𝐃𝐀𝐌𝐍 𝐇𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐒 𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐂.

kazuha x fem!reader. 1.5k wc. 5/6/23. part 2! part 3!

kazuha has had feelings for you for as long as you can remember, so why do you constantly play dumb?

✧ childhood friends to lovers, mutual pining, kazuha being a hopeless romantic (it’s in the title), mentions of the word hard (multiple times) (non-suggestive, i swear). 

“what are you sighing for?” you turn to the white-haired male, pen in hand, staring off into space, thinking hard—you observe this about him. 

he’s almost always thinking hard about many things and you find this admirable about him. its the way he’s able to have so much room in his brain to store the thoughts he holds. but this also grows bad habits of his where he tends to bottle his emotions up too much, leaving no room for people like you to enter.

you wish hard (theres the word again), that he would just open up about the thoughts that go on in his brain because you want to be able to think with him, and tell him that he’s not alone in whatever he’s thinking. 

“tons of things.” kazuha finally replies back after moments of silence, tapping his pencil onto his journal on the table with a stanza format written on it. 

kazuha knows that even if he tries to explain what was going in his head, it wouldn’t make any sense. so he wasn’t going to bother you with his useless endless rants that could go on forever if he really wanted to.

“i bet you’re thinking about me.” you rest your elbows onto the table, your head lying in both of your hands, giving kazuha a smug smile.

you could see the tip of his ears going red at the sudden words coming out of your mouth, surprising him but nonetheless keeping his composure.

“i bet i’m not.” he gives you a boop on the nose, and this time it’s your turn to get flustered by the tiniest of his touch that had made you yearn for more. 

kazuha chuckles, leaning back into his chair, thinking—once again. 

he’s aware that you want to know about the thoughts that go in his head, but he doesn’t allow you to see through him. it would be him indirectly admitting that he had a soft spot for you. and he couldn’t allow that.

he had built this wall in front of everyone—this facade that he allowed everyone else to see. and he had already let you see the vulnerable him and he couldn’t allow you to get to see more of him but this time with the thing he does best, speak his mind. 

kazuha then realizes that he could admit to a lot of things—like the time in primary school when he had asked your mom what type of chocolates you had liked and once he had decided on your many favorites, he went to your house to give you flowers and your favorite chocolates (including an additional stuffed animal) for valentines day and was all dressed up at your door but as soon as he was about to call you, he had received a notification on his phone that you had posted something and yet again another picture of you and your new boyfriend that he had been unaware about. and to thus, he failed miserably for one of the first several attempts he had tried to hint at you that he had this big fat schoolgirl crush. and he had declared it as a mission that he had to succeed. 

not like you were a mission or anything, he just wanted you to be aware of his feelings for you so you could think about them and reconsider your life choices. (and the last couple of years you’ve spent dating around; and when i mean dating around i mean dating someone new every month. hm, i wonder why there’s no spark between you and these people...)

he also remembers the time in primary school when he tried leaving notes and little love poems in your locker signed by a “secret admirer” that you tried to uncover for weeks but eventually gave up because the person (kazuha) had stopped writing to you. (he gave up because there was no point anymore) you were guessing everyone but him, could you believe that? he was astonished to say the least. he’s written and dedicated many, and i mean many poems to you, and he even showed some of them off at the art show at the attempt that someone would ask you if you guys were a thing, to even put the thought to linger in your brain for a bit, but you stopped them and reassured them it was just the amazing friendship bond you guys had. 

and not only that, but when he asked you to be his date to his dad’s wedding because he had told you that he had “no one” knowing he could’ve asked beidou, or someone else—anyone in fact, he was quite popular when it came to the looks aspect. you gladly obliged because he was asking a simple and short favor which you had thought nothing of at the time. 

again, kazuha will admit to many of his embarrassing attempts at asking you out when you guys were in primary school because, let’s face it; it was in the past and you wouldn’t and shouldn’t think anything of it because who would remember those as a thing that would taint you except for kazuha himself?

he can admit to many attempts at trying to woo you because, but he will never open his mouth and blatantly tell you that all he still has an embarrassing schoolgirl crush on you. it wasn’t even like he had any pride to begin with. he was a humble man, but he couldn’t risk everything—the years of work he’s—you guys had put into this friendship. 

he values your guys’ friendship above everything else in this entire world—maybe even more than he values his own ability to write. to just throw away your guys’ friendship like it was nothing would make his whole world come crashing down into pieces. 

your frown deepens, inches away from kazuha, expecting nothing else from him. he was going to give you the same vague answer every time, so why did you even bother?

this time, you sigh. this makes kazuha’s body shiver, at the feeling of your breath coming so close to his neck, his brain going hazy at all the endless outcomes this conversation could give him.

“now, why are you sighing?” he turns his body to face you making eye contact with you.

because i want to know what goes on in that pretty little brain of yours. the words that you couldn’t bring yourself to say so you bite your lip, nervous that the words would just come spewing out of your mouth. 

“nothing.” you give kazuha a smug smile, leaving him speechless at the fact that you had used one of things he had said earlier against him. 

you see the way that his lips do a slight upturn, impressed with the answer you had given him. “i’m impressed.” you flash a grin and by now, you’re sure he’s is smiling at you so hard that his cheeks are starting to grow numb. 

“i learn from the best.” you lightly tap his nose and just from that you see a light shade of pink tinting his cheeks.

“i know.” he smiles as he places his pen down on the table and faces you properly. he resists—he swears he resists, but the words come out of his mouth like a sudden word vomit, nothing that he could put back into his mouth now that they were out.

a moment of silence passes before kazuha opens his mouth, choosing his choice of words carefully. 

“i’m in love with you.” your eyes widened at the sudden confession coming out of kazuha’s mouth. you knew that he had lingering feelings for you in the past, but you never knew that what he felt for you was love. and the fact that he still had it. you knew his sudden attempts at wooing you in primary school was him showing his love for you, automatically assuming that love was platonic, but you seriously never thought his love was the same as your love for him.

oh god. 

“what?” the first word you say back to kazuha is what. wow. great job. don’t screw this up. you silently tell yourself, crossing your fingers under the table.

kazuha takes a moment to think to himself of what he should say next, and he decides that the best thing he could possibly do is move on because your reaction does not seem satisfactory in his eyes. (he’s calling you the oblivious one). 

“never mind. want to read this poem i wrote?” he gets up from his position where he was facing you. you nod in response dumbstruck by the change of kazuha’s words.

oh fuck me. 

“also do you want to go to my mom’s second wedding as my plus one? she said for me to bring someone.” he looks up from his journal where your eyes meet and suddenly you find yourself immersed into kazuha’s trance. 

“of course i can, should i get her a gift?” and for the rest of the night, the topic was long forgotten and the words that you had want to reciprocate back to kazuha had been shoved down to the bottom of your throat and saved in a small bag for next time. 

©saeskiss 2023

[soaringwide]

The Archetypes of a Plutonic person

In modern western astrology, Scorpio is ruled by Pluto, and by Mars in Traditional astrology. I will focus on the former for this post.

I am a Scorpio rising, with the Moon and Pluto in my first house in that sign, aspecting a lot in my chart. I wanted to reflect on what it is, the impact it has on one's personality and experience of life.

(Divider bellow is made by me, please do not use)

The Phoenix

People with heavy plutonic placements often say they've lived multiples lives, in the sense of having worn multiple identities throughout the years, following drastic changes that are reflected on the outside.

Because a key word of heavy pluto influences is transformation. The ability to change everything about you and to be born anew. I've myself been through so many strange and harrowing experiences that I felt like a different person time and time again.

It's the tendency to go through cycles of destruction and creation. Sometimes caused by a harrowing experience that hit you from the outside, like the sudden death of a loved one, an intense spiritual experience, a mental health crisis, a tower moment, if you will. However sometimes it comes from the inside, like a deep restless knowing that there is a need to shed old skin once more.

And you must always answer the call. Because, to not do it would feel like death, and there is this intense pull towards life, and really to these people, life is about constant change, movement and evolution.

There is this idea of transmuting into something more by bonding and merging with something else, be it a person or a thing. To be a being of passions and feverish obsessions. Constantly absorbing new ideas and letting them shape who you are.

It's the necessity to learn to let go when you need to... but paradoxically to also struggle to at times, because there is this knowing that once you've closed the chapter, things will forever be different. And I deeply know the heaviness of it. It's especially true of pain. Strangely enough it's once thing that's hard to let go. Grief, regrets, traumas, sometimes one can identify with it so much that releasing it feels like losing a part of yourself.

The Lover

I briefly mentioned that above, but yeah, passions and drive are two massive other keywords.

There is that need to seek intensity in experiences. Everything plutonian do is motivated by the deep desire to feel as much as possible from something, because you want to get to the bottom of it and that means feeling it with every fibers of your being, losing yourself a bit in the process but not fearing it because you know you will find yourself on the other side of the tunnel.

That's why the Lover is an archetype, and it goes beyond romantic love. It's being a Lover of Life itself. A quest to see yourself in the mirror of the Other, the Other being each living and non-living thing you become enamored with.

There is beauty in losing yourself and absorbing something else in the process. A passionate kiss that makes time stop for a moment. A moment of eternity that makes everything fall into place.

The Seer

This is about being able to see what lies under the surface, and to be fair, it's so natural to plutonian that they may forget that not everyone sees the world like that. Sometimes you may doubt to see anything at all and need constant reminders and reassurance.

These placements often indicates a strong pull towards esoterism and perhaps psychic abilities. As always you're free to explore that or not but it's something I notice in myself and others.

Beyond the esoteric, it's the ability to see people for what they really are, to see beyond the social masks we all wear, and I'm thankful for my other placements, because in my case, I tend to see the best in people and don't hold grudges for their faults because I can see mine clearly as well.

It's quite exhausting to be fair and is the reason why I spend most of my time in a bubble, shielding myself from the world around me, peaking outside of it when I feel like it, because to live outside of it fully is not sustainable, or a least I haven't found the way yet.

The Ruler

Last theme I will go over is the Ruler. There is often this idea thrown around that plutonic people have some type of aura or power about them that people notice. And to go back to myself once more, I can definitely feel it and can sort of manipulate that pulse when I focus on it.There's a lot to say about it considering non-fluffly glamour magic and stuff...will go back to it in a future post.

However you need to be mindful of the impact of your words and actions, because it is easy to know where to hit if you want to hurt or heal, which is why it is paramount to cultivate a sense of justice, balance and empathy so that you don't become a tyrant.

I've once been told that to be a good leader, you must first learn to be a good ruler to the kingdom of yourself. That means ruling with fairness, balancing kindness and resolve, and really embracing the positive traits of that archetype and mellowing the negative ones.

Because I truly believe these placements are not to be feared or hated and can do so much good, as long as you don't exhaust your empathy in the process.

[laylawatermelon]

Now that I'm thinking about it I wanna theorize/call for action outside of buddie (don't worry i WILL return with a vengeance) but now I'm on a bit of an Eddie Diaz kind of run.

I'm reading a fanfic now of Eddie's sisters which kind of spawned me to think about his relationship with them and kind of think about his family dynamics and expectations and what's coming up for his storyline.

Now they mentioned bringing his family in, specifically his sisters, and i think this storyline ties into Marisol (noname i swear this drives me crazy when i think about it?!??! PLEASE if you want me to care/be invested gimme a last name!) and his Catholic guilt/sense of responsibility/man of the house complex.

They've introduced how his upbringing brought him a lot of guilt and a sense of duty (to serve and protect amirite? Dang religion can be a perfect line to how modern society works but lemme save that for a thesis or something this is about 911 on abc🤣)

Back on topic though, there's a really nice post talking about how he's military family and how that affected his and Shannon's relationship. (x)

Reading that helped me to appreciate the writing and details.

I also want to talk about the beautiful work being done on Twitter and Tumblr about the Miami Vice costume theory and coincidences.

(heh throwback Tuesday and takeover thursday came in clutch with finding these x )

Yes i do ship buddie, but if I look at it not just as a romantic things but as they are written as kind of parallel soulmates who run along the same line of development.

One always spurs the next to grow and change and are heavily involved in some way even if that way it's just being themselves.

Buck being open with his sexuality will trigger something in Eddie. What it is can vary.

I think if we look at it with non shipper glasses, Buck's freedom will lead to Eddie's freedom. What I mean by that is since Eddie had came to the 118 Ryan mentioned how each year he was there the more he learned about himself and other people.

I think what Eddie would be at free from the image/expectations of what a family should look like/be.

He knows what a family could look like in a queer/unconventional way. Bathena's unit, Chimney and Maddie's family (let's say cause they're not currently married with a toddler church would pass out), and HenRen's family.

The could be and should be is the important part.

Eddie grew up being told what he should be and what his life should look like. Evidently his life went none of the ways it was intended to go.

He's a widower single father from a teen/young pregnancy and veteran. Sure he's a firefighter now but he has no "complete" family.

The way they're emphasizing the mother aspect throughout his story is still fascinating.

(i also thought of something hilarious as like he probably imagined/process mothers as like the Virgin Mary or something when they brought up how he can see woman as mothers but not really women at the same time)

(also Madonna whore complex was mentioned and it's also a fascinating way to look at it as he can either desire or love.)

Shannon seems to be the only exception and even that is iffy. I would also say that when she became a mother the desire kind of left? I think the mother aspect solidified for him when she left them I would say.

Yes they did have sex but that was a (very bad, horrid) form of communication between them. They both avoided stuff at some point in some (eh it's like 20/80 her and Eddie) cases.

Every other woman he has dated has kind of been a substitute, for a lack of a better word, replacement for the role of mom.

Now he knows what moms should look like in all shapes and forms. He knows what dads should look like. He's knows what his family should look like.

Granted he did get rid of some of the flaws of his father and the way he was raised which also ties into the way he is.

Eddie was parentified at an early age. (I will say as a black/poc person that there tends to be adult responsibilities placed on our communities kids from young partially because of culture but mostly because of the inherent unevenness that we have to struggle to make balance worldwide in different facets and environments.)

Once again, this is about 911 on abc, not my thesis😭.

I just imagine him standing on a stool to cook food for his sisters or some other things like laundry. Or even worse the cannon car accident with his pregnant mom. (I love to make myself cry)

Eddie had technically been a parent since he was a kid. He literally became the man of the house or the father. So i guess that entailed taking on the emotional and sometimes physical burden of the father role.

I guess when he was actually a father and not just the role he felt the weight of responsibility again and panicked. It makes sense he has a habit of running since he never had the opportunity to do so as a kid (since he never got the chance to be one).

So after Chris it was once again role of the father but now with added responsibility of bringing money to provide the household which he didn't have to do in that role.

It was hard then so it became even more difficult.

So he gave his body to the military and returned wounded in mind and body, and with a disabled son who needed insurance and stability and a wife who just needed him.

And he needed to be a man. Again and again and again.

He broke out of the loop when he got to the 118 (bless the haven that is that building) met Buck, then Carla and Bobby who offered a safe place for his kid.

He was no longer alone and had distanced himself physical from the church but mentally still shackled in his beliefs.

After this Buck and Tommy things and he's not present we're going to focus on how a family could look for him.

Last season and recently they mentioned the fact that his aunt had been divorced and he didn't know.

There was also mention of family secrets.

There was also Marisol and Chris together which I'm guessing he wasn't to happy with her but it's either or since we haven't seen them together so it's a 50/50 chance. More like 90/10 he's annoyed or feels weird about his mom being replaced). Since we touched on him repairing his relationship with his mom and subsequently girls and women/relationships he wants to be in now that may shift his image of Marisol suddenly being more present.

Slight Buddie tangent (i gotta let the beat out for a sec raaa-) but the fact that he's still hanging out with Buck pretty consistently (well we can say he's his other parent who's sadly been in his life almost longer than his mom 🥺 lemme stop I'm crying) but it might decrease due to his and Tommy's relationship. (They're two firefighters with very busy schedules ofc he's not present they got work to do chop chop!/j)

In turn this leaves Chris with one less stable parent figure and it's forced to turn to Marisol who may be overeager to please him.

This can lead Chris to probably feeling uncomfortable with the changes because he's happy his dad's happy but he's not happy because it feels like his family's changing again too fast, and what if she leaves then his dad's not happy and a whole other sleet of teenage issues and angst.

So what I predict their storyline to be going it's that Eddie tries to find his own freedom from the church and maybe even the expectations of his home community would have on him.

Buck will be radiant in himself at the wedding, so will Hen and Karen, and Marie and Chimney, and Bobby and Athena.

He'll look around and look inward.

He'll stop focusing on what his life should look like and focus on what it could.

And that life could be just as radiant as the family he's apart of now.

(and that's all i could ask for 🥹)

[kermitcasanovaspamz]

notes i

when it comes to synastry, i find that having moon-moon harsh aspects can be the most beautiful thing

having moon opposite moon can feel so calming in a way, because both of the people involved have core views on the world that are quite similar, even if the reason for why they have those reasons may differ; meaning convergent reasons pretty much

e.g a taurus moon and a scorpio moon: both treasure their loved ones like crazy; it doesn’t make sense to them, when they really care for someone, to just disappear from that person’s life. the way in which they show that care diverges, but the core “idea” still remains

it’s like each person is the “missing puzzle piece” of the other (you could say they are the other side of the coin), they complete one another, and if both parties work on the relationship and communicate, it’s quite easy to “fix” the issue, i.e to find common ground. in all honesty, i believe that sharing this aspect in synastry with someone can be one of the most transformative influences in one’s life, even if the relationship doesn’t last, one will always feel the connection and appreciate what they learned from it and how it changed them

on the other hand, if we look at this aspect from a not so optimistic lens, damn it can get real volatile real fast. the pair can clash non-stop, not really because they can’t understand one another (as mentioned above, there’s a lot of potential for mutual understanding), but because they don’t actively listen to what each have to say, resentment can linger in the air

memes that remind me of moon opposite moon:

having moon square moon is what i like to call “crazy fun”, meaning the relationship both feels amazing, and well it can be immensely fun, but it can also be very frustrating at times, like there is no hope/salvation when butting heads, i.e it can make one think “yeah... they’re not going to understand no matter what i do/say”

this square screams “frustration” to me, i feel like they can act like complete kids with one another and have this intense need for just sharing feelings and ideas, because everything about the other is new and different and that is exciting

generally speaking, one tends to feel attraction towards the other individual, whether romantic or not, there is a sense of magnetism and intrigue here. the amount of things you learn and discover with someone whose moon squares your own, it’s a whole new perspective (woooooooorld, a dazzling place i never knew <3) and it can be extremely fulfilling

not that this aspect indicates the lack of an emotional connection and depth, but there tends to be a lot of misunderstandings since the lenses with which each individual sees personal values and how they express their emotions is usually not compatible, i.e it diverges. so conjugating both emotional sides may be a bumpy road. in a more wholesome note, there tends to be a lot of honesty involved and listening

moon square moon is one intense hell of a ride that will open somebody’s eyes to things that maybe never even crossed their minds before and yes, it will push one out of their comfort zone emotionally (if they really do put in effort in the relationship) since it will sometimes require one to respect the other, even if they don’t comprehend for e.g the other person’s emotional reaction at all. being at peace with, and also respecting, differences and realizing they are not flaws is key

memes that remind me of moon square moon:

[stormblessed95]

Storm hihihihihihi

The other day me and my friend had a whole debrief about jikook😭 and I mean hours long conversation but we also had other conversations in between and we talked about how they pretty much have nothing platonic going in between them, and how literally her words “they’re each others comfort place and they’re so comfortable with each other”, we also joked around about denying them because we were a bit jealous like imagine being young and in love and rich it’s wonderful obviously.

Well this is the part I wanted to mention honestly was when I brought up that (being eos comfort) I think jungkook may show signs of neurodivergence (specifically autism)(well I do believe he does since a lot of the things he’s done are traits of neurodivergency) and I don’t mean it in a bad way at all because well I too am neurodivergent but I don’t mean to try and diagnose him either because obviously only professionals can do that. But I kinda wanted to see your take on it (I’ve come to value your opinion quite a bit😭). I’ve also seen that jungkook possibly being neurodivergent is a topic that’s been discussed quite abit and have seen a lot of other neurodivergent people say they relate so much to him in terms of neurodivergency and I can say I am one of them too. So to my original point of this paragraph was that when I mentioned that to her <my friend> she was quite surprised and she also said it explained a few things about him and it made sense (in a non rude way) and I agreed but I also had this conversation with her because she also has a brother with severe autism and i too with a cousin who has really severe autism so I was familiar with these things based on being surrounded by it and personal experiences I go through but as someone with a lot less severe and mild symptoms. So eventually we got to the point where we discussed how people with autism have superfications on things they really really like and how they get so absorbed they tune everything out (a major sign of autism) she said that’s probably why he always watches jimin content and how he tends to constantly mention him, how he is always so fixated on jimin because he is a topic of interest and importance to him that he can go hours with watching his content and not move at all and how he constantly seeks him out for attention, comfort and play. (Jungkook had mentioned that he wouldn’t pay attention to comments during the 28.03.2023 live wanting to focus purely on jm and literally wanted us to watch him react to his baby) And when she mentioned that it was very fitting of him to have a fixation on someone he probably always sees and he values so highly but along with that he wants to show everyone that he supports jimin and he loves him and also wants people to know he does, whether anyone believes it’s romantic or not.

But I thought it was really cute and it melted my heart, I turned into a puddle of jikook joy😭

I've got neurodivergent siblings, a sibling with autism, a neurodivergent husband, a likely neurodivergent child and I'm neurospicy myself (those hyperfixations hit us all.... I say with a bts blog here and a book blog I should use more on the side) lol so yeah, I mean. I see it in Jungkook. It would make sense to me. It's something that gets mentioned every few months because it DOES make sense. Who knows if it's true or not. Only JK and those he would share it with. But I do see what you are saying. Also the rest of your little rant was adorable and so cute and I loved it. Your conversation with your friend sounds fun!

[dw-humps-n-snarkives]

My two cents at the Johnto discourse since "complexity" is at play here:

1. The audio has explicitly called back on the imagery of mirrors representing the fact that the events that took place in this particular audio is an alternate timeline. Everything in this audio did not happen in TV Torchwood's canon.

(Although, I'm one of the people that don't believe in canon when it comes to the Whoniverse, but we're speaking in narratives here. You can argue that TV John is still capable of doing such things considering what transpired in the episodes involving him, but there's still a particular part of his character that we tend to overlook which I will be picking up at #5).

2. You are ALLOWED to be uncomfortable with the contents of this audio as you can with many other forms of media and many types of fandom. This audio was an experimental approach to Torchwood as a whole, John is Jack's narrative foil and his character is supposed to show that "this is what would happen if Captain Jack Harkness never attempted to be the better person in any chance he gets."

Jack is not a good person, but he's not inherently evil either. John is definitely not a good person, you could say he's Jack's evil counterpart, but you can still see a sense of humanity in John's character especially when you see him interact with Jack.

(See: The latter portion of TDOCJ when Jack realized that John went back to him because he wanted to stop the universe from collapsing, the entirety of Peach Blossom Heights in The Sins of Captain John, and smidges of dialogue between the two where John's behavior can be easily labelled as "a crazy and clingy ex.")

3. Ianto wasn't the only one who suffered in John's reign in the audio (I know that sounds horrible since I'm putting him aside but bear with me here, he'll have the whole portion after this).

Gwen was coerced to have sex with John and it immediately moves to the part of the timeline where John deliberately killed Gwen, John killing Rhys when he was (understandably) upset with not being informed that his girlfriend died, Tosh was literally treated as a disposable, and you could barely get anything from Owen since he was only mentioned once.

What Ianto went through is undoubtably SA. The way John toyed with Ianto is completely unacceptable and it should not be glorified, romanticized, or repeated in any way, shape, or form. That being said, as a fellow polycule Ianto, Jack, and John enjoyer, this audio is definitely NOT the sole reason why people ship Johnto, or conjure ship content involving John.

I'd like to refer you to this post involving Ianto's many horrible non-consensual happenings in his relationships throughout every Torchwood timeline out there (with Ianto ALWAYS being the victim). John and Ianto's relationship in this audio is also the potential outcome of "if Jack and Ianto's relationship were to be more toxic and unethical in the workplace" (and their relationship in TV Torchwood was hardly on equal grounding, too).

A VERY IMPORTANT ADDITIONAL NOTE:

I'm not stating that Jack and Ianto's relationship should be seen in a negative light, pointing out the flaws and toxic traits of a relationship doesn't make their love for each other and entire relationship any less valid. Their relationship is complicated and that's normal, I'm only pointing out the power imbalance in Jack and Ianto's relationship when viewing it in a workplace setting (being Torchwood).

Said power imbalance doesn't mean I'm ignoring the choice of both Jack and Ianto to start and keep the relationship going as they are both consenting adults, whatever problems that may cause between and outside them will follow (it's just unfortunate that in Ianto's story, he always gets involved in fucked up arrangements in his relationships because of Torchwood, whether platonic, familial, or romantic).

4. Creating ships and pairs that could potentially be toxic for either or both parties is not a new concept. If done right, liking complicated ships and pairs only means you find the dynamic, the narrative, and/or the reaction between each persons interesting, it could even be used as a study for people who are interested in making a story because stories cannot exist without conflict. This also means you don't actively support the good or bad things about a ship or a narrative, that's the point of having an audience in the first place: members of fandoms are meant to criticize the source, whether it's in a positive or negative way, because people find a way to make something new out of it in the most creative way possible. That's what fandom is.

5. Captain John Hart as a character was never meant to be taken too seriously in the first place. His behavior in The Sins of Captain John proves as such, and using him at TDOCJ was a perfect way of presenting the exaggerated "what-if" situation as he perfectly thrives in parodies and he thrives in the purest form of pettiness and unfiltered, somewhat childishly edgy entertainment. No doubt, he's a murderous, selfish asshole, but liking a villain character doesn't reflect your character as the viewer and consumer of the character's content (See: The Master).

Remember that this is Torchwood, the show where everyone is capable of doing the most unethical and immoral thing to get to their objective, and Captain John Hart and Ianto Jones are not exempted from such influence.

Most importantly, always handle discourse in a civilized manner. Coming after people while making a point will become futile as there will be no discussion made when someone gets hurt.

You're allowed to critcize the content, but don't judge the people who enjoy it. Appreciating a supposedly problematic ship does not reflect on their overall humanity.

[rewatching-sam-and-dean]

What season of SPN makes you the most feral? What are your headcanons about it?

Hi Anon!

Sorry it took me so long to answer, usually I’m quicker with asks. First, I needed to think about my answer. Then, my internet went down (ugh). Now, I’m on a work trip.

I don’t tend to have a lot of headcanons for SPN, and the ones I have, I mostly think of in the moment as I’m watching or they are pretty common (for example, Ben is Dean’s kid).

Anyways, after thinking about it, I think the season(s) thst makes me the most feral is the Season 2 & 3 combo. I have to put them together because of the reversal of brother worry that flows so well: Dean worrying obsessively about Sam (and being alone) until the worst happens and Sam actually dies, so Dean sells his soul for Sam because he can’t bear to be without him, so Sam worries obsessively about Dean (and being alone) until he starts throwing some of his morals out the window (metaphorically selling his soul) to try and save him, but the worst happens and Dean dies. These seasons have so many brother feels, then being mistaken for a couple (which I always find amusing), and pain. It all hurts so good.

There are a couple of things that make me feel especially “feeral” in this era.

In “In My Tine of Dying” Sam can sense Dean’s soul (love this), they talk to each other using a “talking board,” and Sam tried so damn hard find a way to save (in a short window of time) Dean, and Dean (who worries that he needs Sam more than Sam needs him) never remembers how worried Sam was for him and how much he watered to save him. I hate that he doesn’t remember. As far as I can tell, when Tessa returns his memories of that time (in Season 4), she only returned the parts involving her, not the parts where Dean saw how much Sam loved him (This is up there with Sam and Dean not knowing the phone call was tampered with in Season 4, for me).

“What is and What Should Never Be” pretty much twists my heart from start to finish. Dean having everything “apple pie” he could want, but none of it being worth it if Sam doesn’t love him (beyond in the “he’s my brother so I have to love him” but NOT like him sort of way). The acting in this one is good too. We get a very different Sam, and Jared plays how different he is from normal Sam and how weirded out he is by Dean trying to show any affection towards him really well. We get to see Jensen play a cute and happy Dean, then we see his heart breaking when he realizes he can’t stop hunting if it means people will die, and I love/hate the more subtle heartbreak of him seeing Sam back away from him. I just … love this episode. (Also, … “What are you calling me bitch for?”).

Everything about Meg!Sam, and Dean saying he’d rather die than kill Sam. Pure gold.

“Mystery Spot,” the whole episode is just fantastic. A tiny hesdcanon I have for this episode is that there was at least a day where Sam tackled Dean to the bed (non-romantically) and just refused to let him up, clinging to him like a koala in desperation because Dean dies every time he leaves the room, or does basically anything. Dean struggles at first but then just lays there and takes it, maybe awkwardly patting Sam’s arm. He is both kinda weirded out, but also secretly happy with how much Sam obviously cares about him. But, of course, it being Mystery Spot, Sam probably accidentally kills him somewhere in there.

One last thing I think of often is, I wish I could see Sam succeeding and saving Dean in the Season 3 finale. It bothers me so much that he couldn’t do it after how hard he tried, and the lengths he was willing to go to, and it hurts seeing how much his “failure” and losing Dean tortured him. Dean ended up inflicting the exact pain on Sam that their Dad did on him by selling his soul for him and dying for him, except worse. Also, I actually like the Angel story line in Seasons 4 to 6, but I loath it after that, except for a few exceptions. So, if Sam had saved Dean, we might have been spared angel politics thst went on for too long, as well.

Anyway, I’ll stop it there because my answer is getting away from me.

Thank you for your question, Anon ❤️.

What season(s) make you feral?

[stoopid-turtle]

Miscellany and Such

I'm just a clown with things to say. You shouldn't believe me.

Intro post for this series

Okay, so that addresses the bulk of my need to splurge. I do want to get into some of the ancillary questions/mysteries though.

- The Timeline

Like most turtles, I have given thought to the question of "the timeline". This question is complicated because there are so many different stages a relationship can go through and they aren't always linear or one-way.

Like, when I think about when GG and DD "got together", do I mean sex? Being exclusive? Romantic commitment? An actual date? Promise of being together for the long-haul? These are all different questions and there's no real set pattern for them.

I guess I'll run through the common theories I've seen and just give an overview of my thoughts.

1. The Consensus Timelines

I feel like this is what I see pop up in fanfic a lot. Basically, DD and GG don't make a long-term commitment till after filming, sometimes way after filming. (Some fanfic opens years down the line with them only getting together in the fic) This often includes casual sex during the filming, but it doesn't have to.

I definitely feel that if DD had his druthers, he and GG would have been married one week into filming. GG's feelings are kinda the deciding factor in pacing for the relationship. Still, it is very difficult to believe that they were not physically intimate during filming.

DD was fucking bold and thirsty, and GG was clearly likewise smitten. I know what guys are like in their 20s. I know this sounds like I'm spouting stereotypes, but genuinely, all of my actual experience tells me that guys who are that outwardly flirty are not the type to faff around before diving into bed.

I doubt it was "just sex" given the romantic undertones of their flirtiness. At the same time, it might have been some feeling each other out and they may not even have decided to be exclusive at the beginning.

Even if they had decided to be exclusive, they were clearly insecure about how the other one felt about them. I think a lot about their (hilarious) English conversation about DD chatting with men and GG chatting with a girl. DD also spent a lot of time reading through GG's messages on his phone, so DD clearly felt some insecurity as to whether GG might be seeing other people.

(It's not really a great thing to anxiously read through your crush/partner/boo's phone messages like that. But DD was hella young, and I know the anxiety and insecurity of love at that age. I think the fact that they quickly built up enough trust to commit to what's essentially a long-distance relationship shows that they both matured past some of that early behavior)

(Also, I can see that if DD was GG's first male partner, DD might have felt especially insecure. Even if he wasn't GG's first, there's often times a special anxiety that non-bisexual gay folk feel when dating bisexual folk. The fear that their partner will leave them for the opposite gender is intense. Just speaking from my experience as a bisexual lady)

It's interesting to me that GG was open to letting DD read his messages. I doubt he'd do that if he were seeing anybody else, so that suggests they'd decided to be exclusive early on. That doesn't necessarily mean they're committed to the long-haul, but it's a serious step given how relationships between actors on set tend to go.

The consensus seems to be that the long-haul decision wasn't made until after GG's Japan trip. That makes sense to me, but I'm not completely attached to it. I don't think we know enough either which way to tell when the commitment happened. There is something romantic about the Japan trip story, and GG's later quote about waiting fits nicely.

I've heard various rumors that GG turned DD down the first time he confessed. This is interesting to me and especially ambiguous. I guess by "confess" we mean "confess to being in love". That confession can come with a desire to commit long-term. This makes me think of DD's Weibo post about things he decided at 21, he hopes to still feel at 81.

In my head, I have a little story that that's a response to GG having turned DD down due to the age gap (and maybe because of the possibility of character bleed muddying feelings). DD is especially sensitive about the age gap being mentioned, and we know he also had complicated feelings about LWJ.

My story continues with another attempt to make them a thing at the end of filming, prompting the Japan trip (and DD's "I miss you" hat). I also think about GG's interview response about having received a confession from someone he liked, and I wonder if he was thinking about DD. About liking DD but also not being sure they could really maintain a relationship outside the relative safety of the film set.

Basically, I have a million stories in my head about how this could have happened, and I'm not incredibly attached to any one of them.

2. DDU Variation

This Timeline isn't mutually exclusive with the consensus. The gist is that DD developed a crush on GG during GG's DDU visit about a year before filming. The rumors attached to this theory posit that DD got GG's WeChat info from DLS but then never did anything with it.

GG and DD have said in interviews that when they tried to connect on WeChat at the start of TU production, they'd found they'd already connected but had never talked to each other.

The evidence for this is heavily linked to a post DDU made in response to GG wishing them a happy birthday where they implied someone in their production was a fan of theirs. This post included a minions emoji, and DD was into minions at the time. Course, a lot of people were into minions, so this could be nothing.

If we take GG and DD at face-value, then there's 2 options:

1. DD had a crush on GG, got his WeChat info, then never did anything with it. 2. DD did not have a crush on GG but got his WeChat info some other way, then never did anything with it.

#1 is frankly hard for me to buy. It is absolutely inconceivable to me that DD would have a crush on someone, have that person's WeChat, and NOT DO ANYTHING WITH IT.

This is DD. He doesn't faff around. When he wants something, he goes for it.

#2 is plausible. I don't know the c-ent industry conventions, but I know in industries I've worked in, social media accounts are traded like business cards to network. Maybe that was commonplace at DDU with their guests, and they just added each other in one of those business card swap networking things.

But what if GG and DD are lying in interviews? They've lied before, after all. This leads to two alternate possibilities:

1a. They didn't have each other's WeChat until they started production on The Untamed. 2a. They did have each other's WeChat and they'd been chatting before The Untamed.

#1a is weird. I can't think of any reason to lie about that. But #2? Plausible. Maybe they did connect and start up a flirtation. Maybe even a relationship. Could be anywhere along the spectrum from early friendship -> light flirtation -> heavy flirtation -> online relationship -> secret in person relationship. Or maybe they just hooked up without a strong relationship attached to it.

It would add a different angle to the fact that they both tried out for The Untamed cast. They weren't necessarily going for the lead roles, as GG tried out for Xue Yang, but maybe they wanted to work on the same production together, and TU was their opportunity to do so.

This does mean they were pretending not to know each other at the script reading and the booting ceremony. This secretiveness implies that whatever relationship they might have had on WeChat already went beyond the bounds of friendship, or else why pretend not to know each other? It shouldn't be a hard thing to explain. "Oh, he guested on DDU last year, and we connected then." That's it. It's not even a suspicious explanation.

But it they'd hooked up or were even just being super flirtatious, then they wouldn't want to divulge that to those around them. (Counterpoint: They were pretty open about the relationship they did have eventually on set, even thing so far as to flirt, fight, argue, and have lewd conversations while getting their makeup touched up)

I can buy the DDU variation. The evidence is thin, and trying to "read" their behavior in the bts is always a little ambiguous and limited. But I'd say, if DD did get GG's WeChat because he had a crush, then it's highly likely they already had some relationship before filming. If DD just acquired GG's number in some routine industry business card swap, then this timeline variation is unlikely.

C. THE DEVIL'S TIMELINE

I love the name of this one. Basically, the speculation is that DD and GG might have been together even before the DDU episode. I think I've seen some Uniq fanmeet highlighted as a potential meeting point, given that GG was into K-pop at that time.

The evidence is even thinner for this than for the DDU variation. There's a picture DD drew of a person with a mole like GG's (I have no clue the context of his drawing that picture) and they have some Weibo posts that are kinda similar.

The Weibo post evidence is always confusing for me. I can see couples having some back and forth in their posts. Like, if your partner starts posting photos of ridiculous desserts, you might post similar photos. Or your crush develops an interest in foosball, so you do too. But some of the evidence is apparently photo sets that bear some resemblance to each other and I just...is this like a known thing for couples do to this? I've never come across this outside of this fandom. I don't know why you would. If my wife started subtly mirroring my photo posts, I don't think I'd even notice. (Hell, maybe she already does)

So I guess I don't find those incredibly convincing. After a point, if you look at any two people's posts long enough, you'll probably be able to find some similarities if you keep the criteria broad enough. If this is a known thing in Chinese social media for couples to do this, though, I might find that more compelling.

Other than that, the main evidence is kinda subjective in that its based on their behavior towards each other. This is real hard for me to gauge, so I'm not placing bets on it.

I don't think the Devil's Timeline is impossible. But I just don't see anything to indicate it as a thing. But who knows?

In sum, overall, I think DD and GG were physically (and romantically) intimate pretty early on in filming, earlier than many in the consensus seem to think. I'm undecided on when the big, serious commitment happened. And I'm open to the idea that they had a flirtation or an early online relationship via WeChat after that DDU episode. I'm not sold on the Devil's Timeline though.

Do I want to know? I mean, yeah? I find their whole romance interesting and compelling. It's like a romance novel, and I like romance novels. If they were non-famous and I met them at a party, I'd be totally into asking the "So how did you two meet?" question and learning that story.

But I'm just a rando in a different country who doesn't even speak their language. I don't get to know everything I want to know, much to my consternation. So I just have to shrug and move on with life (and read fanfic).

If in the unlikely event they come out with their story, though, I'd buy the shit out of that book.

- Fanfic/Shipping

I read a lot of fanfic (and have done for most of my life), but I felt some discomfort with the first bjyx fic I started reading. Not cause of the fic, itself, but because it felt weird to read fiction about real people. It's a side of fandom I'd never gotten into.

Fiction is a way to take stuff from the real world and make sense of it. This is something I've always appreciated about reading and books. Fanfic and bjyx fanfic fills the same need. I know I'll never get the full story on the truth behind bjyx but I can share ideas with others. I can engage in what-ifs and work through moments that are emotional.

I think sometimes people take a single fanfic to mean that the writer is making a Statement of how they think things are. With real people, they think the writer is seriously ascribing actions/thoughts/whatever to the celebrity.

Writers really aren't doing this, usually. Most writers have multiple fics with different situations, premises, character dynamics, universes. Writers are playing around with ideas, with dynamics they enjoy. Sometimes, they may feel they're hitting close to reality, but they know there's no way to be sure. Sometimes, they just want to write something with a silly premise to make their friends laugh.

Fanfic can be beautiful and compelling and amazing, but it's not real. It's words on a screen, and every fanfic reader moves on to the next fic with a completely different premise afterwards. It's not useful to read so much into any particular fic.

Can some fics and fans cross a line? Sure. But they're rare. And I honestly think people who write fic are less likely to be the crazy stalker fans just cause, well, they're spending their time writing, not stalking their celeb.

I do find the division of fandom into top/bottom weird and offensive. I don't have a preference on the mechanics of sex bc...whatever. But since fic writers tend to base their characterization on those mechanics, sometimes I'll be in the mood for one dynamic vs another. It's not about the sex though. There's just lots of aspects of Yizhan that I like, and I like to read a lot of different takes on them.

Again, it's fiction. Just like everything turtles believe.

- Fanservice

During my development as a turtle, I had a moment where I read a rumor that DD had played up the fanservice intentionally. It threw me back because I'd gotten pretty fond of DD and that sort of behavior was not in line with how I saw him.

I mean, I know actors are actors. They act. Part of that acting involves promos for their roles. But I've always appreciated DDs no-nonsense straightforwardness, so thinking of him playing a role in the bts was hard to stomach.

So I thought about it and did some reading around, as I do, and finally concluded that this whole "fanservice" thing wasn't very believable.

1) Fanservice doesn't look like the bts.

Honestly, there was a point while watching the bts when I felt DD was just kinda bullying GG and GG was putting up with him (I think this is a common takeaway). Even when I cottoned onto the fact that GG was just as flirtatious, I recognize that DD was just as obnoxious as shit.

He wasn't doing the actual romantic fanservice stuff that you see, say, Thai BL actors do. He was acting like a young boy with a crush. And I say this as someone who was a young girl DD's age once who had a similar (unreciprocated, in my case) crush on a coworker and who was as obnoxious as DD was. None of it resembled normal, stereotypical romance, because especially at that age, that's not how you do romance. No offense to DD. I know he hates to be recognized as young, but he was quite young and often acted like it in his clear affection for GG.

2) The experts say so.

By "the experts" I mean BL fans. I lurked around some BL spaces to see what that crowd's impression was. The overall consensus was that ggdd had great chemistry but never actually did fanservice.

True, being a Chinese show, maybe Chinese fanservice is just especially toned down. But that takes us to the next few points.

3) My understand of the release of the bts is that a lot of the bts is "unofficial" and was not planned to be released ahead of time. It was only with the popularity of the series that more came out.

Why fabricate a backstage, weirdly chaotic but low-physical affection relationship on a show that you're not even sure will get aired?

4) Fanservice ends.

Especially for a BL pairing, once the promo is over, the actors have to be separated from teh gay to make room for future het pairings. But there is every indication that GG and DD were still together after this point, and they're still dropping candies to this day.

So in sum, I know gg and dd are gay. The odds are much more likely that they are in a relationship than that they're doing long-term fanservice. They are gay. They fell in love. They're together. That's not so hard to buy.

Also, I went ahead and explained my turtledom to my wife. She easily bought that the two were together during filming. She wasn't sure about them still being together, so I explained about the necklaces. She asked me, "Could it just be fanservice even now?"

I started trying to explain my reasons I listed above and then I also mentioned they were signed with different agencies. As soon as she heard that, she said, "Ah, yeah, that wouldn't make any sense then."

Not saying that my wife knows everything, but she's really smart, y'all.

She is also a clown, though, like me. Absolutely raving mad.

One more post in this series! Some closing thoughts, and I'm also working on a little prezzie for turtles before I retreat to lurking.

[thelostgirl21]

Gotta love when people tell me sapioromantism/sapiosexuality isn't real...

While at the same time acknowledging that demiromantism/demisexuality exists.

So... You're telling me it's okay to be exclusively able to romantically fall in love with/be sexually turned on by an emotional bond you share with someone.

But you can't frakking be exclusively able to romantically fall in love with/be sexually turned on by an intellectual one?!?!?!

I mean I'm a frakking demisexual (not sapiosexual), and you've got zero problem convincing me sapiosexuality is real!

I feel a sexual rush SPECIFICALLY over the way I am emotionally relating with another person (regardless of the type of emotional relation), for frak's sake!

Imagining how it must feel to want to fuck someone over the way our brains work/connect together is super easy, barely an inconvenience! How is that not real?!?!?!

For the romantic aspect, all I've got to do is replace "wanting to fuck someone" by "having a crush on them", and voilà! Sapioromantism!

And yeah, I know that it's often phrased as "being attracted to highly intelligent people", but that's like saying that demi is "being attracted to highly loving people".

Guys, the way we perceive intelligence and emotions is a very intimate phenomenon. And I personally find friendships as sexually attractive as romances.

I've never been more likely to want to fuck a person I've got romantic feelings for, than I've been likely to want to fuck someone I've got platonic or alterous feelings for.

But I need to emotionally connect.

And there are many different types of intelligence a human being can express that makes them romantically or sexually attractive.

Emotional intelligence, spatial intelligence, musical intelligence, logical intelligence...

It's much harder to quantify intelligence than it is to qualify it, and sapiosexuals do have intelligence preferences.

On the TV show "The Witcher", sapioromantic Jaskier appears to have a romantic preference for (or be strongly romantically attracted to, at least) emotional intelligence and insightfulness, if you're wondering how sapioromantic attraction might look like.

I'm actually exclusively sexually attracted to people that gives off what I call a "geeky vibe". You know, that look like they tend to get really passionate about a specific subject/discipline they deeply enjoy (videogames, movies, series, science, music theory, rocks... Whatever it is!) and "geek out" about it on a regular basis.

My partner is insanely into electric cars technology, and each time he starts talking about it, the research that's being done on recycling batteries, etc., he goes from a usually introverted personality to really animated, passionate, and expressive one; his eyes get that light and happiness to them, his skin gets slightly flushed, there's a unique musicality to the verbal flow of his words, etc.

He's also a D&D player, and that's insanely hot to me (although I've never personally played D&D)!

Seriously, do yourself a favor, and watch a bunch of people play D&D together. If they're really into their characters, their quests, and have a good DM, it's pure geek porn!

Those are huge turn ons! You want to have sex tonight? Get your geek on, babe! That's what I'm talking about!

I don't care whatever gender you have, as long as you're a geek!

That's what I'm sexually into. Geeks. Not men, women, or people outside the binary. Geeks.

Actually, if "geekiness" is considered as a form of intelligence, perhaps I could be considered somewhere on the whole sapiosexual spectrum (I just can't say specifically what type of intellect geeks display that triggers the attraction), too!

Because developing an emotional bond with a non-geek fails to trigger any sense of sexual attraction.

I need to find you aesthetically attractive (let's face it, demi-pansexuals can be as "shallow", when it comes to being attracted to someone's looks as people from any other sexual orientations. There's just a secondary delay for us to get there), feel those "geeky vibes" emanating from you, and be emotionally bonded to you based on high levels of trust (specifically), in order to find you sexually attractive.

Those are the mains patterns I've noticed are a constant for me.

So yeah... Sapioromantism and sapiosexuality not being real? Get out!

[lokiinmediasideblog]

It's just me or Loki stans tend not to care about female character's much? One thing I've noticed about Loki-centric blogs is that some of them have side blorbos, but always male blorbos. They only care about female characters when they have some canon connection to Loki so they can talk about him through talking about her, and only when the connection in question is platonic (Verity, Frigga...). When Loki has a canonically romantic/sexual connection with a woman (Amora, Sylvie, Lorelei, etc) they either demonize her or erase the romantic factor to make them into ~mean queer besties~ like he's her gay bff. There's a difference between disliking het (valid) and erasing the canon dynamic of his relationships with women because the thought of their canon bi fave liking icky women makes them uncomfortable. Face it, Loki fandom: your fave likes boobs and coochie, stop pretending otherwise. You don't have to personally ship het to recognize that some women canonically turn him on and/or matter to him romantically.

I don't think it's unique to Loki stans. It's a misogyny problem that is both based on the biases within fandom and those of the writers. The Loki fandom is far from being the only one that targets a woman love interest so viciously (*cough* ST fandom, I've also heard other Marvel ships are like that too). And I definitely do get annoyed when Loki's bisexuality gets erased because they don't deem the female characters worthy. And yea, they'll always try to make it platonic with women characters. The "these two characters with little shared background that kissed are siblings" shit is so fucking annoying. It's fine if it's not your cup of tea,but pretending they have "sibling energy" is weird.

Writing biases:

S2 gave very little exploration to the female characters. And most Marvel female characters have little depth. Like just look at the Thor movies, we don't know much about Sif (personality is the woman warrior), Frigga(personality is mom), and Jane is just there as love interest for Thor. Valkyrie's interesting but her name isn't given in Ragnarok, and I heard she got sidelined in TLAT, the movie I refuse to watch. Sylvie had decent focus in S1 but was sidelined in S2 and relegated to product placement.

Speaking of the source material, I am not joking when I say many of the female character's characterizations in the comics before maybe the 2010s were nothing but "wanting to fuck Thor." Also, BW was a prime example of Whedon's "empowering" brand of sexualized strong female character and took forever to get her movie after getting unceremoniously fridged.

Granted, I have not kept up-to-date with Marvel movies because I am only interested in Loki and I find a lot of characters annoying, in case the shitty writing conventions for female characters have improved.

Fandom biases:

Fandom can't stomach anything other than saccharine sweetness as a personality for women, especially when they interact with a popular male character. It has been shown that in real life, women are more likely to be seen as rude or bitches for more tame behavior than men.

People claiming that Mobius was "compassionate" for blaming Loki for his mother's death and locking him in a time loop where he's beaten repeatedly, while Sylvie calling him a "clown" was "abusive".

This is interesting and one of the many examples against "abusive women are given a pass" because the "victim" in question is the same Tumblr sexyman, but the woman's non-abusive behavior that makes sense in-context is scrutinized ridiculously and Loki was not hurt physically by it, while Mobius "gave him therapy".

No one can even argue it's because Loki is the Tumblr fandom fave rather than pure fucking misogyny because actual harm to Loki gets passed as being for his own good by a rather vocal portion of fans when it's a man doing it. You'd think the fandom would have lost their shit over one of the OG Tumblr Sexymen being mistreated. But nah. (And yes, I forgave Mobius for risking his skin for Loki in S2, lol. He more than made up for it.).

Also, Sylvie RIGHTFULLY called Mobius out for putting his head in the dirt like a fucking ostrich, and the fandom threw a fit and babied him.

[cheshirecaine]

Ichigo! For the character Ask Game!

Ichigo! I got excited and started linking my fics like I had to prove my answers. Honestly, it’s just making me realise what things I like that I haven’t written(/finished ;-;;;).

How I feel about this character

Deserves the best—love him. I feel like by default, we or maybe just I, tend to pick a favourite character from the cast minus the main character (‘Who’s your favourite Bat? Batman doesn’t count’). So I’ve always considered it a funny little testament to Ichigo’s likability that a list of my fave Bleach characters will always include this guy.

Hot as shit, smarter than he’s given credit.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Grimmjow OTP. Rukia. Sometimes Shinji. But he’s the fandom bicycle, so I’m very open on this front—e.g. Aizen, several Gin fics, a hastily thrown-together Soifon fic (NSFW, 700w), Byakuya.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Isshin—I don’t care if I’m boring. I love this canon father-son relationship and no moment in Bleach ever breaks me as hard as the Fullbringer Arc scene where Ichigo thinks his dad has betrayed him too.

Honourable mentions: Kurosaki family wildness (1k, I do actually write fic sometimes okay). Ichigo/Renji brotp (or romantically). Ichigo/Kon—underrated brothers (gets a mention in the Kurosaki family fic). Chad. Actually, I love writing fics where Ichigo gets DMC’d by Shinji (exhibit: one of my fave parts of this 3k Ginjo/Ichigo fic is pretending it’s about pies when it’s actually Shinji therapising Ichigo and accidentally himself).

My unpopular opinion about this character

I can’t enjoy grimdark/Fuck you World and especially my Dad and Comrades But Mostly My Dad!Ichigo depictions. Which is fine, that just means I’m not the target audience. However, this is my post, and I’ll soapbox if I want to, so here’s: My Unpopular Opinion about Bleach Fanon.

Vengeful versions of him don’t make sense to me beyond an in-the-moment Hollowfied rage situation. Frankly, his struggle to commit in battle to killing Aizen really hammers in just how much he is not at all in it to hurt people. He beat Grimmjow in a fight and then saved his life while injured. He spent his entire final fight with Aizen sombre about having to kill a man whose heart he fully understood.

And yeah, I don’t really think it’s a failure of canon to not have him idk sit down with everyone he knows and say “You were mean to me”, cos I think fandom has a very selective memory and lens with which they approach a text/story.

Like, I don’t think Ichigo stumbles into relationships eyes shut, I think he is incredibly aware and able to be vulnerable. Kinda like that Doctor Who quote: “Do you think that I care for you so little that betraying me would make a difference?” Except it’s him letting Ukitake not disclose what the badge does, not interrogating his dad on what he’s doing with Urahara, being determined to help Rukia and Orihime and frankly Renji and more in spite of their opinions on it.

Anyway, I love him.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

More skilful fighting that isn’t just a big panel spread and power—sorry Kubo. More of the tactical close-combat fighting or the tricks Zangetsu taught him. Boy’s a genius, lemme see that shit.

Alternatively, would accept Grimmjow meeting DILF!Ichigo and having a conniption.

Thanks for the q, bud <3