#You could *feel* the sadness trough the screen

[justcallmevodka]

Do you think that after his family died, every time Patrick heard a piano, he remembered them with sadness? Thinking how he would'nt be able to listen Angela play again? Or see her teaching Charlotte? Do you think he has a video of them playing piano somewhere, that he sometimes watches, but never fully because he doesnt want it to end? Do you think he regrets never learning how to play. That he can't understand the music sheets, no matter how hard he tried? He would give everything just to be able to play those tunes Angela wrote.

[withoutyouimsaskia]

Low (Sandman One-Shot)

​GIF: Originally posted by @sigurism

Pairing: Morpheus/Dream of the Endless x gender neutral reader

Summary: One-shot. Reader self-insert. Angst/comfort. Morpheus attempts to bring comfort to a dreamer who is managing depression, while in his cat form.

Warnings: Angst, talk of depression

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: Hey Sandfam, can you believe it has been a whole year since series 1 hit our screens? To celebrate, I am sharing a one-shot that features our beloved Dream as Meowpheus. Hope you enjoy, let me know what you think. Would love to know if you're doing anything to commemorate today. All my love, Saskia <3

Sandman Masterlist

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If a person were allowed to view what was presently being thought inside your mind and felt within your heart, they would likely notice that your body was being a direct conduit for both.

You were often cited by others as someone who wore their heart on the sleeve. When you had first heard the phrase directed towards you, it had conjured a pleasant connotation. Showing your emotions could not really be a bad thing, could it? Humans loved love, and they loved honesty. However, honesty about less-than-positive feelings; you have come to learn that it doesn't produce the same reaction.

All endearment fades.

Infants, children, adolescents can feel as they wish. Adults must be in control.

Unhappiness is something to be fixed, avoided, quashed; an emotion to be ashamed of, this is what you have been conditioned to believe. And unfortunately, the manner in which a vast majority of people behave in response to your low moods does little to aid in changing your mindset.

"Cheer up, it might never happen", they would say, the flippant words a paralysing gut punch that leaves you wanting to scream: It already did.

You then feel obligated to double down on your efforts to flatten the emotional peaks and troughs. A dangerous pursuit, for repressing sadness in lieu of its acknowledgement allows for it to stack up and up so much that you that run the risk of it spilling forth in unfavourable, non-triggering settings.

You are a human shaped pressure cooker. Doomed to spiral at the petrol station.

There was a time when sleep brought you a refuge. Regardless of how bad your day had been, how leaden your steps, you could always find enough fervour to propel yourself into carrying out your bedtime routine and then contentedly fall asleep.

For in dreams, the act of masking your feelings from observers could be dropped; you were alone in body and mind within the neutrality of your bedroom. Sure, you had nightmares at times but you derived so much pleasure from their dream counterparts that it did not matter in the long term.

You were happy in your dreamscapes to simply be.

Until you suddenly weren't.

A new low was discovered in waking and it has transformed into one you cannot escape from, even in dreams. Each night has become a repetition. You slip into sleep and plummet to the same subconscious rock bottom.

The place where you go, the earth is cold and damp under your prone body. You lay on your side, one arm cradling your head, the other wrapped around your middle.

An ominous drone takes up residence within your mind, a constant reminder of your thoughts and feelings.

Here you remain.

Trapped in the doldrums. Languishing away. Asleep but not seeking fantasies.

Even your usual nightmares are not drawn to you for there is nothing to entice them in. What could you need of a nightmare right now? There was nothing that could be taught.

Morpheus, Dream of the Endless senses the shift. You are a blip in a sea of dreamers. As if your subconscious mind has become a daub of dark matter against a backdrop of glowing galaxies; you exist but your light is extinguished.

There is so much anguish and the King of Dreams and Nightmares feels it all too keenly, as if it were his own.

It grows in strength with each passing day and night, taking your will to carry on. The handiwork of Despair of the Endless is all too apparent, intricate and bold in its ensnarement until you are a focal point of suffering.

Unsurprisingly, this is not the first time that Morpheus has felt the sorrow of a dreamer. Having existed for millennia, he has been witness to every variety. Kinds brought on by grief, shame, fear, longing, loathing to name but a few. There is something additional afoot with you though.

The desolate clearing you have been coming to, the fact that it is the same location every night, unchanging and devoid of hope. It is unusual, and hard to witness.

Despair has you in a chokehold.

What pains Morpheus even further is that he cannot remove his sibling's influence here. He can, however, offer you a reprieve.

He will bring you a dream.

A few moments are spent wandering through your prior dreamscapes, through the aid of the book emblazoned with your name, looking for things that have brought you solace in the past. Morpheus sees a few are inspired by memories.

He knows he must do this in a delicate manner and settles on a reserved option. One that would hopefully not startle you too much. Approaching you in a humanoid form is not feasible. It was other humans that had contributed to your current state, judging by your recent nightmares.

Morpheus enters the frame upon four legs, approaching you on soundless feet. Each step is measured, the pads of each wide paw flattening imperceptibly into the cold, loose ground.

He creeps closer and takes a minute to watch you. Your eyelids are closed, forehead pinched with a frown, mouth set in a grimace.

Morpheus stands beside you and nudges his nose against the hand you are gripping your torso with. Three sensations stand out to you. The soft press of the contact. The warm breath of an exhalation. The delicate tickle of whiskers.

The latter is a something you recognise immediately; it was unlike anything else in the universe.

You open your eyes, unsurprised by the image that greets you.

Next to you stands a cat. At least you think it is a cat.

They are much larger than any feline you have ever laid eyes on, made even more immense by their black fur; wild and mussed but not in a way that suggested they were uncared for, rather that it had been blown about by an unrelenting wind.

"Hello." You push yourself to a cross-legged seated position. "Are you lost?"

The innocent little question is loaded with such pathos that Morpheus has to blink back the hot prick of tears behind his eyes. Here you were, your hope, your life force literally ebbing away and you were worried about him.

He instinctually edges a bit closer to you before you speak again, this time in a whisper.

“I’m afraid I might not be much help. I’m lost too."

You extend your arm, offering the flat of your palm to the cat as a proper introduction, one that he reciprocates by bumping his cheek firmly against your skin.

"I guess we can be lost together."

Your sad smile is utterly devastating as you scratch behind one of his almost wolfish ears. He is unbelievably soft and you reach for the same spot again.

Morpheus puts his front paws on your left knee so you don't have to stretch as far and lets you continue to touch his head.

He is aware of the science of petting a cat with its lowering of blood pressure and alleviation of stress and anxiety, and with every second, he feels a lessening of your most acute pain, like the top layers are being skimmed away.

You feel better physically too, less tightness in your muscles and more awareness in your senses. You begin to notice things like the scent of the air and the ambient temperature. It is damp and mild but nothing you can’t handle, and it is a nice thought to have.

"You're very handsome," You comment, carefully and meticulously running your fingers through the dark fur, starting at his head and ending at the very tip of his bushy tail.

Morpheus, though he was calm before, is instantly and completely disarmed by these long-form strokes and is powerless to stop the deep, rumbling purrs that emanate from within his chest.

You smile widely at your companion’s reaction.

"Would you like to sit on me?" You pat your thigh as an invitation.

Morpheus hesitates, wondering if he would be crossing a boundary of familiarity. You don’t know that he is the anthropomorphic personification of dreams and nightmares. To you, he is a cat and according to your dreams, an animal that makes you feel safe and calm.

And right now, you were making him feel the same. This was not in any way a part of his plan when he had shown himself to you but who was he to deny what was clearly happening here?

He climbs up.

“That’s it, sweetheart,” You say encouragingly, delighted by the fact that this beautiful cat has chosen to trust you.

Morpheus takes a moment to settle and then snuggles into the crook of your arm. His warmth and weight are comforting sensations. You resume your gentle stroking, and he resumes his satisfied purring.

He gazes up at you with his striking blue eyes. Stormy in their intensity, oceanic in their colour. They are eyes that seem to hold the depth of a juxtaposed universe within them; wise yet weary. Hopeful yet haunted.

You have never seen anything like them in cats or humans alike.

The more you look, the more the cat's face seems to say: "Feel what you need to. Everything will be okay." How you determine this, you do not know yet you go with it, you are asleep after all.

Overcome with emotion, you screw your eyes shut and bend down to bring your face close to Morpheus' own. You cuddle him and the tears begin to fall.

"Thank you," You say in a hoarse whisper.

A little piece of hope glistens within you. You can do this. You don't have to hide your feelings. You shouldn't.

Morpheus feels his heart bursting at this wavering of your despair.

He decides there and then that he will do this for you every night until you feel strong enough to leave this barren plane.

No words needed. Just a human and a cat. Helping each other feel less alone.

[nymime]

TW: child abuse, bad words, homophobia, f*g and f*iry. Mentions of sexual abuse someone.

This just my theory why Steve yells homophobic shit to Jonathan in S1. Enjoy!

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When steve was around 11, close to 12, had his first experience with porn, specifically gay porn. And is not a happy memory. Until the present, what happened that day in the afternoon, haunt him.

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He was in the living room, watching a movie with his mamma, resently they both moves of his nonna’s house to stars living with his “father”, his mamma’s husband from 5 years ago. Richard it wasn’t his real dad, no, his real pappa would never do what Richard did that day. Anyways, they where watching “Jailhouse Rock”, his mamma was teaching him her first crush celebrity actor, in words of her “farle cadere le mutandine” (make her panties fall), he doesn’t understand what she means, but that alright, he only cares of how Elvis unto his belly get butterflies, he tells that to his mamma, she laugh, enchanted for that, but Richard who was listening from his office wasn’t enchanted, not even a little happy for that.

Mother and son just heard a loud slam of the front door, ignoring how everything would change.

After an hour, Richard came back, with loud steps and a face red as his tie, he step in front of the TV, kneeling on the floor, he takes out the movie VHS, throwing it troughs the living room, scaring Steve and his mamma, who stands up and walks slowly to Richard. The man put the VHS he brought, starting immediately with loud mouns and skin hit skin, two man’s where having sex. Mamma gasp while she runs to the VCR trying to take out the porn movie but Richard hit her, making her falls at the strong slap, Mamma hit her head in the center table, she pass out.

While that’s happen, steve was shaking of fear, he never saw his mamma fall like, he never thought that he ever feel that amount of pure fear in his little body. He let out a squeak of pain and surprise by the strong but suddenly grip he felt in his hair. Steve nearly falls into his knees cause Richard force him to stand and walk to the TV which was playing the two guys fuck. The man start’s forcing Steve to watch them fuck while Richard screams at him obscenities: “would you like to be touched like this?” “feel a cock fuck you like that? hm?” “disgusting fucking fairy! i will not accept my stepson being a fag!” “answer me you stupid son of a bicth!” steve let out the tears he was holding from before, when Richard punch his mamma. This goes for a good couple of minutes, until Steve could stutter a little “no, sir”, Richard push him to the screen of the TV and after let him go, Richard left the room. The little brunette was now hiccuping for air while he continues crying, he crowls to his fainted mamma, who was starting to wake up, she hug him and covers his ears, apologizing with a low sad voice, she began to hum and sing softly trying to comfort him. They both cry until the porn ends.

After that day mamma left with Richard in every job trip he has, not because she wants to, because Richard threat her that he would make Steve a “man” with a prostitute. She was scared, but always calls Steve to remind him that she loves him, and he knows.

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[fallengirlbossyohane]

Netflix and Chill(s)

Another one of my RuriMegu fanfics, I just love these two so much! Enjoy!

“So! What movie do you want to see, Megu-chan? I was thinking something… scary, maybe?” Rurino casually asks as she grabs a handful of buttered popcorn from the gigantic bowl she’s carrying in her arms, loudly munching on the salty snack. Instead, I opted for a box of matcha-flavoured Oreos, since I prefer sweets. 

“Hm, that’s fine by me~ we can just look on Netflix for one.”

“Sounds good!” Ever since her trip to California, Rurino’s been speaking English more often — which I don’t mind at all, her American accent is pretty cute, if I must be honest. She sits next to me on the couch, grabbing the remote and skipping trough various movies and series. 

Outside, a violent storm is ferociously roaring, as dense dark clouds cover the pale light emitted by the moon. From time to time, bright flashes of light can be seen from here, and the loud rumbles make me jump from my seat from how noisy they are. Our dorms even suffered from an electrical malfunction due to this — and, to pass the time, Rurino and I began betting on water droplets racing down the window. Of course, I won each time. The power is back on, now. 

“Ah, look! Didn’t you talk about this movie a couple of weeks ago? I remember you wanted to go see it, but the tickets were all sold out.” 

She’s so adorable when she gets excited about something~

“Aw, you remembered~!” I giggle and gently smile at her proud grin. “Yes, it’s that one. Wanna see it?”

“Of course!” 

— 

So far, only twenty minutes or so passed, but the images on the screen are full-on terrifying. I  usually adore watching horror movies — they give you that certain thrill that’s neither pleasant nor unpleasant, but makes that oh-so-sweet feeling of adrenaline run trough your whole body. But this… it’s exaggerated, even for me. 

As for Rurino… well, she’s not doing any better than me. She’s shaking like crazy, tightly grabbing onto my arm while keeping her gaze glued to the gory scenes displayed on the TV. She stopped eating her popcorn a while ago, deciding that ducking under the covers and taking shelter under my chin was a much safer choice. Now, I’m confused as to the reason my heart is beating so fast — I have an vague idea, however. So, in hopes of reassuring both Rurino and myself, I intertwine our fingers and hold her closer to my chest. 

“I-it’s ok, Ruri-chan, I’m here~ no-one’s going to hurt you, h-hm?” Ugh, I don’t sound convinced at all. She soundly gulps, squeezing my hand tighter, and — my blood circulation won’t really function if you keep that up.

“Y-yeah… um, actually… c-can you hold me…?” 

I remain in silence for a few seconds, the only thing audible being the unnerving screams coming from the movie, stunned to no extent as I’m not sure how I should proceed. Hold her… how? Like a hug? I could work with that, I suppose.

“Sure, come here.” 

Rurino moves the covers and sets them aside for now, comfortably nestling herself in my lap as if she were some sort of fluffy animal in need of shelter. She leans her back against my chest and grabs both my arms, “forcing” me to hold her waist. She mutters a shy “thank you” under her breath and holds onto my hand once again. So that’s what you meant, uh~? 

I giggle at her strange displays of affection, burying my nose into her mass of blonde hair and closing my eyes. Right now, I don’t hear the sounds of people getting murdered — or the storm outside. Nothing can make me tear my attention away from her heartbeat. It’s quite rapid — but it’s understandable, given the film and how we’re intimately cuddling on the couch. I plant a few kisses on the back of her head, and she relaxes her shoulders, stroking my palm with her thumb under the covers. 

“Feel better now?”  

“Hm-hm… this is nice…” 

“That’s good, then~” 

A loud slashing sound brings the both of us back to our sad reality, making us scream simultaneously. J-jeez, how long is this gonna last? I’ll surely have nightmares — Rurino as well, I’m assuming. This is the last time I’m choosing something this scary for movie night. 

[moonflowcrr]

;show stopper

‏‏‎ ‎ !! masterlist ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‎

Florence Pugh x f!reader

⚠︎ pretty actor gets distracted by an even prettier fan. oh dear. ⚠︎

➵ what do you do when a pretty new face turns up on set, and you’re the star of the show? you take them to your trailer and fuck them dumb, of course.

wc ┊ 2776

‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‎[ 🕊 ] ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‎

“

it’s thirsty hours kids, so i tried my hand. as always, feedback is greatly appreciated :3 ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‎„‏‎ ‏‏

‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎- - - ┊♡ ┊ - - -‏‎ ‎

moss is growing out through the gravel. stubborn clumps of flora that burst trough the loose pebbles, tasting the air and drinking the dew that befalls upon them. it grows and sags and then falls back to the floor.

life, you know, is like that. you're born, you live, you die. it's the course of things. it's beautiful. it reminds you that moments like these really are rare- out of the ordinary. something to marvel and gape at.

the moss is the first thing you see on your  initial few steps onto the ever growing set. wild flowers and many other, wild frantic things. dashing people carrying equipment you couldn't dream of naming, dogs barking and rain falling lightly on a cool morning. there are cameras and kind-faced people, and stars that make the breath in your lungs get stuck. 

you tuck your head down, eyes trained on the gravel. on the moss. you smile. ( they look happy. )

" y/n " you offer as you clasp hands with the grown-ups. you feel eighteen and out of place and stupid, and far far too happy. far too eager for this opportunity. too excited. the director, with his warm hands and red knuckles, smiles a kind smile and you toe at the pebbled ground beneath you. you watch as the tip of your shoe disappears in and out of the tiny stones on the curved road; and you feel underdressed and underprepared and completely out of place. 

yourself and a small group of people had been invited into the set of a still being filmed movie, The Wonder. an upcoming block buster, it had been assured. the cast all seem excited ( nervous, if that ) at the notion that they'll have an audience. so used to performing before a light and camera, never dealing with the reactions until after they were on the screen.

" welcome " says a cast member, and her smile is the best smile you've seen in a long time- you decide. with her head a halo of brunette and her bright hazel eyes, you find your heart fluttering violently against the cage of your ribs, and you jam your thumb into your palm hard in a effort to make it stop. ( it does not. )

your guide shows your little group around the set, weaving in and out of scenes and booths- side stepping muddy puddles and all the while being trailed by the pretty brunette in the baby blue dress. grime had licked at the hem of the skirt, and you feel yourself sad for the destruction of such a beautiful gown. you think these thoughts and avert your eyes, too afraid that if you met her gaze you'd get stuck there. you knew who she was, of course you did, and your skin burns with the knowledge that she's right there. you could reach out and touch her if she were so inclined.

so rather you marvel at gardens and dogs and sad grey skies, instead of staring at her eyes, her lips, the white contours of her throat. until the director calls halt and announces that your group will be sectioned into three for the next part of the tour.

one group will go and watch a scene be filmed, sitting behind the cameras to watch how the magic was made.

the next group would be taken back to the hair and makeup tents, and help the artists get the actors ready for their upcoming scenes.

the final group would go with actors who had a break, and move to the food tent to get some lunch before the three groups were to rotate.

excitement bubbled in your chest as you're sectioned apart from your fellow admirers, and before you know it you're walking back down the gravel path towards the tent that housed the makeup that made the films come to life. ( you hadn't, however, noticed a pair of green-hazel eyes follow your figure as you walked away. )

‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ [ ♡ ]

the trailer was what you'd expect it to be, a small caravan sized hunk of metal, larger on the inside than it appeared to be on the out, with minimal windows and a sign to remind those unfamiliar with what was kept inside.

' hair and makeup ' it read on an obnoxious red plank of metal, and you ponder for a minute if the artists inside got the special chairs with their titles printed on the back.

you followed one of the men up the path to the trailer, and the two girls before you practically hung off his arm as they went. you wanted to laugh, or scoff, or make a quip about how easy it was for them to throw themselves at a man simply because he was one of the stars in this film- but you held your tongue for the reason that you too had been caught in a web of brunette for a large portion of the day.

no. you remind yourself stubbornly. there's nothing for you to stare at. she's just a person. don't embarrass yourself.

but wisps of brown hair and baby blue silk danced around your mind, and unknowingly you kept your eyes eager to catch a glimpse of her again.

your little group of ragtags arrived quickly, and before you knew what was happening, before you could process or agree or even begin to understand, she had come and whisked you away. with all her soft brown hair and dress that pulled at your heartstrings, she had come and linked hands and tugged you away from your tour; an excuse ready on her lips but your head buzzing too loudly for you to catch it.

her hand was warm, searing almost, and so soft in your own. a hand crafted perfectly to fit in yours, fingers linked and palms pressed hotly together. absently you thought of how her body would feel pressed against your own, and the thought hit you faster than you were ready for it too- sending an ambush of blood to your cheeks. ( you were sure you'd forgotten how to breathe at this point. either that or her close proximity had literally taken your breath away. )

" i'm Florence, " she breathed, as she pushed open the door to her trailer, pulling you up and along with her. " i'm sorry for dragging you away but- i couldn't keep my eyes off of you and i just had to see you. "

her confession made your blood run cold and you felt as if you could start crying right then and there. your mouth opened and closed dumbly, like a fish gasping for air.

" y/n, " you offered quietly- but her eyes lit up nonetheless. you're acutely aware of the fact her hand is still clasped in your own, and part of you screams to retract the limb as if you'd been burned.

she leads you around the narrow room, and you don't try to hide the awe that paints itself onto your features. the floors are solid oak, with white fleece rugs adorning the length of the room. an open planned kitchen sat neatly at one end, while a divider to- what you can only assume was her bedroom ( and you shudder at the thought of being so close to something so private ) - lay at the other. warm lit sofas and dining chairs filled the space between the two ends, and at the centre of it all stood her. with her shy eyes and nervous mannerisms.

the buzzing in your mind is back, as you trail her with your eyes. she offers you something, tea maybe? and you nod dumbly and sit on one end of the cushioned sofa.

‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ [ ♡ ]

you aren't really sure when it happened, how you leapt from the shy admirer to someone who spoke freely, nervously. but Florence listens and Florence nods and Florence is the best thing you've ever seen. you've never known someone so brilliant, so kind, so special, like this woman in front of you. Florence is real and Florence is here and you can't stop talking. once you start, there is no going back. but she silences you with her mouth against yours and a hand pressed sorely to your shoulder, easing you back until your spine hits the plush back of her soft couch, and she is here and she is panting and she is wrapped around you like a fog.

she looks at you in a deliberate fashion, mouth hung open and lips kiss bruised and damp. your heart is a hammer against cloth, and you feel as if every decision, every choice and motive you’ve ever had has lead you directly to this moment. but you don’t allow yourself to overthink- instead you surge forward and kiss her again, and she is kissing you back with every fibre of her being.

she leaves open mouthed kisses on your jaw, working down, and you mewl and whine and squirm beneath her. because by some crazy, wicked, beautiful miracle; Florence has her arms ( her legs. her body. ) wrapped around you and she's pushing you further into this mess. and then she's undressing you and you're sure that this is heaven. her quick fingers make light work of your button down shirt, and it's not long before that item is laying disregarded on the floor, laying beside that damned blue dress. your eager hands find her waist, find the spot that makes her sigh into your skin ( and you burn that sound into your brain. you relish at the fact that you caused that sound. ) and you guide her into rocking her hips against your own. desperately chasing the friction you needed. she seems to notice your struggle, and moves back to stroke a hand down your front- dipping into the valley of your breasts. you shiver like a virgin at the touch, and throw your head back with a shuddered gasp.

it isn't long before she's flipped you both, with you sat squarely in her lap in nothing but your pretty black jeans and lace bra, and she's kissing bruises into your skin and soothing them with her tongue, eyes finding yours. her lovely brunette hair is sex teased and messy, and you note how beautiful she would look in the mornings. she sits bare before you, breasts pebbled in the cool air and your mouth pools at the sight. but she kisses her way back up to your mouth, first neck, then jaw, and then the corner of your lips.

but then she withdraws as fast as she closed the distance and you ache for her to touch you.

" you want this? " she breathed, and the air fans across your cheeks. you want to lean forward and kiss her and shut her up just as she did to you.

" yes, god- fuck please, yes " you exclaim clumsily, throat burning and heart punching a forceful beat against your ribs. and you rock your hips and let a whine escape your throat; and that seems to be all the confirmation she needed.

your mind is reeling, and you think half heartedly about the tour you're missing- or rather, if they're missing you at the tour. but those worries are quickly forgotten as you roll your hips and she attaches herself to your front again in a desperate kiss.

and you kiss her because you're frightened and confused and you don't know what else to do, because her lips are a new form of addiction that you cannot deny.

she tastes like buttermilk and raspberries, and her hands are liquid gold, trailing patterns up and down soft skin, fumbling to remove the remainder of clothes and dipping between thighs slick with want. her fingers are quick, and firm ( and so, so heavenly ) as she toys with the pearl between your legs. light, teasing touches are all she's allowed you, and you whine and ache and beg for more.

you're panting, desperation and need clear in your voice, dripping onto the ground and you think, angry and lustful, that this is how you will die. worked up with want and something darker ( something scarier ), and you're left dry throated and crying.

your muscles are burning, pushed to the edge by touching and kissing and watching yourself fall apart in her eyes ( watching yourself fall apart under her hands ), nothing neat and everything beautiful.

" look at me " she says in the way she does, not a command but direct enough, gentle enough, to get you to listen.

and you do, teary eyed and keening onto her voice ( her praise ).

you try not to get caught up in the way she smiles, teeth showing under pink lips, and her eyes ( young and wild, like a shot of electricity coursing through your body directly to where you need her most ) as they trail you, until finally, finally, her fingers dip between your legs and find the slick on your thighs, pushing past your folds until she's buried knuckle deep in your heat.

slowly, painfully ( and then all at once ) she is moving inside you, her thumb pressed tightly to the swollen bud of nerves- and you want to cry in relief, in thanks, in exhaustion. she pumps her fingers in tandem, and each deliberate thrust, each flex of her trained fingers, sends you reeling and the coil in your stomach tightness dangerously. a feral cry scrapes it's way up your throat and into the air around you, as you practically ride her hand- chasing the relief you so desperately crave.

but, she lets out an airy laugh, something that makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand to attention. maybe it's something in the way her accent curls around your name, dark with lust and need and something you can't quite place, how it curls around her version of it- how when she mutters it, when she sighs it, when she laughs it, breathless and raspy and soaked with desire- that it makes you inch closer ( even closer, dangerously closer ) to an edge you know she won't let you fall over.

" please " you cry with nothing of your previous desperate rage, with something like fear and everything like need.

" not yet baby, i'm not done with you yet. "

‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ ‎ ‏‏‎‎ ‏‏‎ ‏‏‎ [ ♡ ]

she fucks you like she's trained her whole life to do so, like nothing else in the whole world matters except for hearing your whorish cries bounce around the expensively furnished trailer. she holds you with one hand, the hand not currently pistoning into your wet heat, as she curls it around your back and latches heavily onto an exposed breast. she teases your nipple with her daft fingers, pinching and pulling and all of which reward her with such pretty sounds.

her lips have lain waste to your throat, now decorated with a necklace of bruises kissed into the milky flesh, and something in the back of your mind screams with a careless anxiety. how will you hide this? now that she's made her claim- would you even want to?

blind white heat envelopes you, and your skin bristles with goose flesh as you peer over the cliff edge that is your impending release. you want so desperately to gush over her fingers, to throw yourself over that ledge- to crawl from her lap and sink to your knees and return the favour by burying your face between her thighs and making her see stars; and god you want. you want. you want.

but you need for the coil to snap, and she kisses you so delicately, so love filled. she praises you and you feel that high sneaking up on you and choking you until your eyes roll back and you stutter in your movements, and she paints a wicked smile on her face.

" it's okay pretty girl, you can cum ".

that's all the permission you need as you let the tidal wave wash over you. you shake and gasp and spasm in her arms, and she helps you ride it through. her soft pink lips have made a home on your collarbone, and you collapse against her. tears brim behind your eyes, and on your tongue is loop of grateful praise.

your mind wafts to the moss, the damp bundles of life peering up through the stone. your mind wanders here and you choke back a laugh at the notion that you never would have thought, dreamt, imagined that this would happen.

with arms tired from excretion, and heart still singing in the aftershocks of your orgasm, you push yourself up until your level with her eyes ( her eyes, green and hazel and a forest trapped behind glass ).

“ your turn. ”

[infinxty]

In another universe

[peter parker x reader] (andrew garfield)

! Spoilers for No Way Home!

You spent almost three days in New York. But it wasn't your New York. It was... something else. It didn't feel like yours. Like you were in another universe. You were sleeping in bus stops and eating at small restaurants. Your phone wasn't working, so you couldn't call anyone. You tried phone booths, but nothing worked. You were alone, and even more sad than you were since Peter died.

You were walking, like usual, and searched trough trash cans to see if there is anything useful, for example a small knife so that you can protect yourself, or some money, but there was a small chance for the second option. All you had was some old dagger-like thing you found at an alley a day ago. You found another alley, with some trash cans, so you decided to go in.

As you were about to open a trash can, you heard some noises. What in the actual heck, you tought. You started looking for the source of the sound, and you found it successfully.

- Who are you? - you pulled out your dagger, and pointed at the man who looked like he was homeless.

- You should leave - he said in a tired voice. You looked around, and saw something that made your heart beat faster. Oh no. No way.

You started running away, fear in your heart. That mask... You tought Peter ended this man's life, sacrificing his. But he was sitting there, flesh and blood. The Green Goblin was alive. He looked... younger when you last saw him.

You went back to the alley, and decided to get revenge on him, but he was nowhere to be found. It was now dark, and you were scared that he might be just hiding and that he will kill you when you are not expecting it. After about thirty minutes of pointless searching, you left, and started walking to the closest bus stop with your hoodie on.

When you were almost halfway, a man appeared on the screen. You recognised him, he was from the Daily Bugle, and he was getting on your nerves, mainly because always said Peter, alias Spider-Man wasn't a hero. He always called Spider-Man a "masked menance".

You weren't really paying attention, but when you heard the word spiderman slip out of his mouth, you immediately turned your face towards the big screen. But the boy on the picture didn't really look like him. He looked more childish, about fifteen years old, and had lighter hair. He said that Peter destroyed a whole building, and one person died. May Parker. You remembered her. Peter told you about his sweet, caring aunt so many times, and you both were at his (peter) funeral. No one knew how Peter died, except you. And you had to keep it a secret, because you couldn't just tell May that her son was the amazing Spider-Man.

Suddenly, a video of the kid, who is also Peter Parker and Spider-Man somehow, just like your dead boyfriend. He was at some statue.

Even tho it wasn't your Peter Parker, you couldn't let him die, so you decided to find him, and help him defeat the bad guys. Maybe Green Goblin will be there too, and you two can off him.

After a short walk, you reached the statue. It wasn't finished, and it had a shield-like thing in its hand. In the video, it looked like Peter was up there, at the top maybe, so you started climbing. You were lucky in this situation. The practice you've been doing for over a year has come in handy. After Peter died, you started parkour, and you didn't really knew why. Maybe to honour him. Or to make him a bit proud.

- Do you need help? - you heard an unfamiliar voice. You looked up to see who it was. It was a man in a Spider-Man suit. He looked like he was in his twenties.

- Thanks, but i can climb. I am looking for Peter Parker, i am here to help him - you told him, hoping he can help you.

- Which? - he asked.

- What do you mean under 'which'? - you looked at him, confused about what he could be talking about.

- Any signs of them? - another Spider-guy appeared. No... This is not possible.

The guy looked exactly like the Peter you knew. The one that you were best friends with since childhood, and that later, when you two were older started dating with you. He even sounded the same. You just stared at him with disbelief. You seen his corpse, you mourned for him, and now, he was standing there, right in front of you.

- And... Who you might be? Do i know you? - he asked.

- Y/N. And i don't think you know me. I am here to help Peter Parker.

- Which Peter Parker? - the older-looking (tobey) looked at me.

- Whoever is going to fight. I won't let him die this time.

- What do you mean under 'this time'? - the other Spider-Man asked. - Wait... You are not from this timeline, are you?

- Well, some days ago i woke up here. I knew something was off. So... You're saying that i am in another timeline?

- Yep, just like us - Peter (tobey) said.

- You said 'i won' t let him die this time'. Does that mean... That in your timeline, Spider-Man died?

Your eyes became glossy because of the warm tears that started filling it. You didn't like to think about it.

- Oh... Sorry that i brought this up. Did you knew him personally? Or just as Spider-Man? - he (andrew) looked down.

- We were childhood friends. And later we started dating. He looked just like you, ya know - you said while wiping away your tears.

- Really? - he gave you a small smile.

Your MJ is out there...

Peter 2's (tobey) words echoed trought the webhead's mind.

- Guys! They are here! - Peter 1 (tom) appeared out of nowhere.

You all got in position and hide, except Peter 1 (tom). He stayed outside, so y'all's apperance would be a surprise. You got yourself together. You can't let your emotions take over you. Your role was 'helper'. This means that if any of the Spider-Men needs a helping hand, you have to go, and until they don't need you, you have to stay out of their way.

Everything went fine. Suddenly, two teens your age came trough a portal like thing.

- Who are you two? - you raised your dagger at them.

- Whoa, no need to stab us! We are the good guys! We're here to help Spider-Man. I mean all of them! - the dude put up his hands in defense.

- And you? What are you doing here? - the girl asked.

- I am also here to help.

- Thats nice. I'm Ned by the way. And this is MJ- the guy introduced himself and the girl.

They were just standing at the other side of the portal, doing things, while you watched the fight. Suddenly a huge lizard appeared and moved towards the portal. By the time you got there, the two teens were running at maximum speed wherever they could.

Oh shit. You started chasing them to help, but they were fast. When you Just when you got in, the lizard was about to knock down MJ. If she was at the scene, she must know one of the Peters, and she might be important to him. You couldn't let her fall and die, so you jumped in front of her , and as a result, he (lizard) hit you, and you started falling instead MJ.

She had someone, and you didn't. No parents, friends, or boyfriend. Not even a pet. Her death would affect many people, and the Peter she belongs to would suffer a lot. At least you had a heroic death, and saved someone.

But then, something you never expected happened. One of the Peters came to your rescue, and for your surprise, it was the one that looked very similar to yours (andrew). He cautiously placed you down, while still holding your hand.

- We did it! All of them turned back into normal! - he said with childish joy in his voice. Oh, how much you loved this side of him! You found it so adorable. You couldn't help yourself, and hugged him. He was a bit surprised, but hugged you back.

- Thank you - you whispered.

- Anytime! This is my job, afterall! But soon we will all go back to our timeline, thanks to the wizard there - he pointed at a man with red cape.

- Oh. It was nice to see him again and hear his voice.

- I wish i could meet my girlfriend again. She was my MJ.

- Well... Goodbye, then! - you said as you started to fade away.

- Goodbye! I hope i can meet you again. In another universe! - he shouted.

--------------------------

Home, sweet home, you tought as you entered your home. You were extremely tired, so you decided to just lay in bed all day while watching your favourite movies.

---

Five days had passed since the Peters saved the world. Peter 3 (andrew) was sitting at a bus stop. When the bus arrived, he walked in, and tried to find an empty seat. The bus's on its way, and the boy accidentally hits someone, causing the person to drop her books that she was holding in her hands.

- Sorry! Let me help! - Peter He bent down to help the girl collect the books and drawings. But when he saw who he was helping, his heart stopped. Y/N? What is she doing here? he tought.

- Umm, is there any problem? You look a bit familiar by the way - the girl, or should i say Y/N asked him.

- No, there isn't any problem. And... You look familiar too.

- Do we know each other?

- I don't think so...

Your MJ is out there...

The end!

[youryanderedaddy]

Lady Luck (pt. 1)

I was so hyped to write this lol. Heavily inspired by Kaiji <3

Tw: mafia mention, unrealistic potrayal of mafia, mentions of threats, implied obssessive behavior (will get more hardcore in the second part tho), mentions of gambling, kidnapping /not reader/

 You knew that you were a scum, a lowlife, a miserable loser without much hope in life - that’s exactly why you had no problem joining the deadliest underground paradise and following under the steps of the Lucciano family. They controlled everything - the casinos, the drugs, the guns, the whores, you name it - they provided it. And you had nothing - neither a past, nor a future. But everything changed when the oldest son Thomas decided to help you get out of the mud and step onto your legs - he gave you a home, a friend to return to, a shoulder to cry on when reality felt too painful and harsh, just too much to bear on your own. “Why would you do that for a stranger?” You had asked him once while tipsy, sitting by the hearth, a slight blush adorning your soft cheeks. “That’s easy.” The man had responded right away without giving it much thought. “You remind me of myself.”

 You spent long nights thinking about his words but never came to a conclusion - he was born into a powerful, wealty family, so it made no sense for him to have experienced rock bottom the way you had. And his small black eyes displayed such a variety of terryfing emotions - bloodlust, greed, sin and so much sadness. Why would a monster ever feel scared, you wondered. 

 Working for the Luccianos wasn’t especially hard or even dangerous - you ran small errands for them, took care of the younger kids, helped with insignificant deals, acted as a croupier when their staff was sick or missing or had to be taken care of, but one thing you were thankful for was how they never tried to force you into doing something you would never be able to forgive yourself for. Thomas was kind to you -  always so considerate, willing to listen, to understand how you felt even when the worlds you two lived in differed so greatly. He was supposed to be villain of the story, big and scary, demanding, taking whatever he wants without asking and never feeling an ounce of regret about it. And for a while, you were suspicous of the man’s every move - you were desperately waiting for the mobster to fuck up and show his true colours so you could let yourself hate him, despise him. And yet the sweet, sweet moment of revelation never came. You knew, of course, of the many evil deeds the criminal bestowed upon thousands of innocent people each and every day, but you never witnessed it with your own eyes and when the man was treating you like a part of his family, holding you close and giving you chance after chance to prove yourself, it was slowly getting impossible to view him as the bad guy. Perhaps you should have waited just a little longer.

 It happened during a warm, spring day. You didn’t expect it, you couldn’t. You had just finished your shift at midnight in the small shop you worked in, which belonged to Thomas’ mother, and were heading to the Lucciano mansion. It had been a particularly long and exhausting day, so you wanted nothing more than to feel the soft, silky, white sheets down your half-naked body while the quiet classical music took you to dream land and back. But upon opening the heavy wooden door, you quickly noticed something was different - there was no music, the big black TV in the middle of the hall was set to camera mode instead of the normal one, and it was awfully quiet. “They must have had to leave the country for a while.” You rationalised. “It has happened before after all.” You kept reassuring yourself while taking a tiny step towards the centre of the room where light was the strongest - it could uncover every hidden little detail.

 And then the TV was turned on. You shifted your gaze up, paranoia eating at you from inside out. Soon there was clear image on the massive screen, but what you saw left you speechless. There were hours of footage from your personal life - working, hanging out with friends, eating, bathing. What made the shivers down your spine run cold was a scene where a guy, your boyfriend, was kissing you, touching you, undressing you with his praying eyes. It was nothing unusual for a young woman to have a love life, but this broke the only rule Thomas had told you upon entering the house - you were forbidden from having close relationships with men, especially dangerous ones, and for the longest time, you had no issue living by that as long as you came back to the luxury and warmth the mobster provided for you. Until you met him - a charming, clever member of a local gang. You knew it was wrong and could cost you more than you were willing to sacrifice and yet you still gave in. It was your first time experiencing the highs and lows of love, so who could blame you when it was such a magical feeling, a mixture of adrenaline and opium. Alex made you feel like a real human being instead of someone just existing, leeching off the stronger, wealthier species.

 There was a shadow moving out from the corner, playing into your delusions. But soon enough you realised it was all a reality as none other than Thomas walked slowly towards you, clapping his hands dramatically, a sly smirk on his beautiful, scarred face. Did he...

 "Congratulations." The man started off, dark eyes set on you, slowly coming closer and closer like a big black hole, ready to swallow you whole. "You went and got yourself a little boy - toy." The criminal chuckled viciously under his breath, making you cringe at the crude nickname he used. The situation felt surreal and yet the fear and panic were already suffocating you, making you dizzy wish regret. "I wish you would have told me though... I never thought someone I hold so important would lie to me." The mobster kept rambling, waving his arms in the air theatrically, while holding a lit cigarette, but never moving it to his lips - it was just a prop, a way to create a thick smoke mist in your eyes. It was finally the hour of judgement.

 "What do you want?" You asked, faking confidence, desperate to take control of what was happening. It was a bizarre thing to see your dearest friend act in such a eerie, frightening way, almost treating you like one of his victims - nothing more than an indebted bastard or an unfortunate bystander, unlucky enough to catch a deal unfolding right behind the scenes. It hurt but you had forced this upon yourself and you had to fix it.

 "Nothing much, really." Thomas replied, finally inhaling the deadly smoke into his open mouth. He played with his collar for a while, as if you weren't standing there, scared for your life. "I just want to teach you a lesson in obedience, doll." The mafioso continued, circling you slowly, his heavy gaze never leaving your body. You felt awfully exposed even when all your clothes were present, covering every inch of your skin. With a swift snap of his fingers, the man summoned most of the gorillas that worked under him. Two of them were dragging your kicking, screaming boyfriend towards the centre of the room, but a quick punch in the guts managed to quiet him down. He looked terrified, his face bloody and injured, covered in dust and misery. But he was still alive and only that mattered to you.

 "I wanted to make this entertaining for all of us." The oldest Lucciano spoke out, his husky voice echoing trough the golden ceiling. He moved over to your lover and harshly pressed the cigarette butt against the exposed skin of his unprotected arm. The man cried out in pain, silently pleading you to help with his big, terrified eyes. And here you were, as helpess as he was - if not even more. "So I decided to initiate a little gamble of sorts, ya know?" Thomas winked at you, smiling with malice. You couldn't help, but recall all the times you two had played poker together, betting less than pocket change. You never understood why the man always got so excited despite winning such small sums, especially when his casinos already did well. But now you could see it clearly - he got off crushing his opponent, taking the victory under their noses. Money meant nothing. As long as he was able to ruin your mood, your life, the man was pleased.

 Soft white light lit up the furthest corners of the hall and you saw dozen square boxes, arranged in a circle. It looked harmless enough on its own, still they were stamped with Thomas’ symbol - a dove. You used to wonder why someone in the most dangerous depts of mafia would choose such an innocent, sweet signature pf representation and now the answer was right in front of you - that way it was easier to trick the enemy into thinking they were safe. And how wrong were they. 

 “As you can see, there are nine wooden boxes in total. They look exactly the same and on top of each one there is a hole.” Thomas stopped to point at them, the raw anticipation flooding his otherwise dull pupils. “Six of the boxes are empty. In the other three though, there are placed some of the most poisonous snakes in the world. One bite and you are dead.” The madman gave a loud, breathy laugh while your boyfriend squirmed uncomfortably in place, restrained by the strong arms, holding him down. “Both of you will take four turns putting your hand in the boxes. After every round the box would be closed off and you would be able to choose only from the remaining ones. ” The mobster grinned widely, looking at your horrified expression. You couldn’t believe that the man was willing to put your lives on the line simply because you had neglected one of his orders. “Now you may be wondering where the suspence is - after all you would probaby manage to hear the hissing from afar and avoid the place it comes from. Rest assured, my foolish little friends. Right now the snakes are heavily intoxicated and absolutely silent - which doesn’t mean, of course, that they won’t attack any soft flesh they see. If you die, that’s on you, but if you survive, you will be rewarded.” Thomas clapped his hands together and his man let go of your lover, resulting in his falling to the ground with a heavy bang. Thomas pursed his lips together.

 “Shall we get started?”

[st4rship]

Hi, could you please write a Carlisle one shot where Bella is pregnant and Carlisle and the reader are having issues bc what happened to Bella could have happened to Carlisle’s mate. And Carlisle is very worried about them and is being distant bc he doesn’t want to put them what Bella is going through.

Helloo, how are you? I hope you like this just as much as I liked writing it. I know some times may be wrong but please ignore it hshsjs. 🥺✨

I can't hurt you.

Summary: After knowing that Bella is pregnant and seeing how much is affecting her, Carlisle and his mate are having some issues because the reader might be going trough the same.

Pairing: Carlisle Cullen x Human! Fem! reader.

When bella and Edward left for their honeymoon, everyone decided that it was a great idea to relax for some time too. Rosalie and Emmett will go on date and to see and work on car's together.

Alice and Jasper will go on romantics dates at night and they will also go on walks in the forest. Obviously you and your mate they decided not to stay out of that so you also have cute dates.

You usually would cook dinner together, even tho you were the only one eating, and the watch movies. Sometimes ending the night in a more heated way.

Everything seem to be going good until you started to feel kind of sick, you didn't want to tell Carlisle because you didn't want to stress him more, Edward and Bella where coming back after something that happened and Carlisle wouldn't tell you.

When they came home, you all ended up finding out that Bella was pregnant. It was something no one was expecting and no one even thought that was something possible.

You all started to research about it, Carlisle told you that you didn't have to but you insisted that you wanted to help cause you're also part of the family and will do anything to help.

Which in part was true obviously but you couldn't help and research in hope you could find something that tell you that you weren't in the same situation as Bella.

After a long day of reading through books, internet and a lot of other things, you were getting ready to go to bed when you started to feel nauseous. You rushed to the bathroom cursing internally.

In a house full of vampire there wasn't a chance no one will hear you. You will have to face the truth finally.

Before you could reales it, your mate was by your side holding your hair and saying comforting words to you.

Once you started to feel better, you brushed your teeth and decided to talk to Carlisle.

—I'm sorry. I know I should tell you faster but I couldn't. I didn't want to stress you out more than you already were. — You spoke sitting by his side in the bed. He put an arm around your shoulders leaving a kiss in your head.

— I know you didn't have bad intentions, it's okay. You should go to sleep now, it's late.— He said calmly, way too calmly. But you were feeling bad so you couldn't bring yourself to talk more about this now.

You get in bed and he kiss your forehead before leaving the room and heading to go read more about what Bella and now supposedly you too.

Once you wake up the next day you decided to go down to have breakfast, see how Bella and everyone was doing and obviously talk to your beloved mate.

You were feeling way better than yesterday so that was really good news. When you headed to the living room you see Bella in the couch looking really weak, her bones were showing and her womb was really big already.

You asked her how she was doing and she tell you she was fine, even tho it was hard to believe. She also told you that Carlisle was in his office.

You decide to go and talk to him, once you entered the room, he's eyes were still fixated in the screen. That was a rare thing to do from him, he will usually always greet you sweetly and ask you how you were, if you already eated and things of that sort.

You aproch him and seated by his side.

—Good morning love. — You greet him and leave a kiss in his cheek which he responded with a quick smile and a quite good morning. — Carlisle, are you okay?— He didn't act like this usually and it was kind of hurting to see him like this.

A sigh leave his lips before he responded.— I'm sorry, it's just that... —He turned to look at you with sadness, stress and worry in his eyes. — Have you seen how Bella is? I'm worried that you might have to go trough the same. I love you too much, I can't hurt you or make you go through such pain.— Hearing those words from him was something a part of you expected but it also make your heart melt.

You held his hand in both of yours and smiled before speaking. — I love you too, you're the best person I know in my whole life, I'm so lucky to have you as my mate. Today when I wake up I felt way better than this last day, I don't wanna rush but maybe be could check if I'm pregnant or not, and if I am, we talk about it okay? I know you would never hurt me. — You spoke softly trying to make him feel better in some way.

Carlisle seemed to loosen up a little, he give your hand a little soothing squeeze before smiling at you.

—That seems like an awesome idea darling, we should do it the fastest we can, just in case. But if you want some time I have no problem.— He said and before you could reply, a pained scream and the sound of something dropping to the floor alarmed both of you.

Once you get out of the room you both see Bella with her bones braked and her cup of blood in the floor.

The baby was coming.

[mcyt-sh1t]

To the person who read this, It’s been hard for you, I know, and it makes me sad that you don’t see yourself in the way I see you. Sometimes they are things in life that cause us to loose ourselves, and the way you have is so unimaginable painful. I miss your smile, the way your eyes light up the whole room just by the sound of your laughter. I miss the way you accepted the way you look in the mirror without cursing yourself out about how ugly you look. I miss the way you didn’t think of yourself as a failure because everyone makes mistakes, we all have flaws and we all aren’t perfect. It’s painful to see that no one around you seems to see the pain trough your eyes, but, stranger, I do, I see how heavy your heart is and how comforting the sadness for you might be, how afraid your heart is of happiness because it disappears in the end, right? You don’t know how much impact you have in this world and it’s sad to see that your demons fight against you and want to take over you. Because you do make change, it’s something so simple and little that brightens up someone’s whole world, it can be a small smile from your lips, the way you look at things you’re passionate about, the way you make yourself eat even though it’s been hard for you lately, the way you zoom out and go in your own world, you brighten up my world by reading this, it means a lot to me that you’re here, existing, but I don’t want you to just exist, you deserve to feel alive. You deserve to get up in the morning and feel good about yourself. You deserve to feel something- to feel every damn second alive in this lifetime. It’s heartbreaking that you think you’re not capable of being loved, because you are, I love you trough all my words and I hope you let it happen in your heart. Love is scary, I know, maybe you heart had been broken once and since then you wanted to be rather numb than feel ever again, it hurts me how you punish yourself, does it not deserve love? Because YOU DO deserve love, please forgive yourself, it’s not your fault that the demons want to take over your beautiful heart. You’re not a bad person for distancing yourself from others, but you deserve someone to talk to, you deserve someone to listen. I am listening, you can tell me what’s wrong. It’s everything, isn’t it? There’s something pulling your heartstrings on the ground and no one seems to understand how misunderstood you feel, it’s heartbreaking to know that I am behind the screen and can’t give you a hug, that’s why I will give you a big warm virtual hug and send you lots of love :). You matter. You are worthy. You are loved. You deserve good things. You deserve someone to listen. You deserve to eat and drink. You deserve to feel good and alive. You deserve to smile. You deserve a hug. You deserve to be all the things you want to be, because you deserve to have and feel good things happening to you and have a fulfilled life. I know I might not know you personally but I care about you so much, I write this because I want you to stay here with me, I want you to hold on a little longer because you matter so much to me, because I will not let you give up on yourself. I want you to see that you should not give up on yourself because you DESERVE GOOD THINGS. I want you to look back on the time when you were a kid, you didn’t give up when you tried to swim for the first time, you didn’t give up when you tired to walk for the first time and fell, you never gave up on yourself, you always kept on pushing forwards, so why can’t you now? I know it’s tiring, your mentally tired, but dont your younger self deserve good things? look back at your eyes that used to be full of hope, look back on those dreams. Don’t let yourself fall, you deserve better. We will both fight, I will fight for you. I won’t let those demons get to you. You can hold on to me, I won’t let you down :). Whenever you feel lonely, then look at the sky, I always look at it and think about you. Yes, you, because it makes me happy that there’s someone looking right back, maybe we can’t see each other but I can feel your

presence here with me and that’s enough for me, because I am glad your heart is beating and you’re still fighting. You’re so much stronger thank you think, you didn’t leave your spot on this earth even if you wanted to, you belong here, even though it doesn’t feel like it, when you don’t feel like belonging than build your own home here, put all your love in it and dreams. Think of you as a star when you feel alone, you shine because your heart is good, no matter what mistake you made, no matter about the past you had, you’re one of the stars that shine bright in the universe because you’re heart is beautiful, that’s why the demons in your mind wants to have it. As one of the stars you see others stars, maybe they have felt the same way as you do at some point in there life, but they lighten up the universe with each other’s presence. You’re a star for me, maybe you don’t see it yourself but I can see it, you’re beautiful from inside and out, your body is beautiful the way it is. You make me happy by reading this, you make me feel something by your presence and when you can make me feel that way than you also make other people feel that way about you too. I hope you stay for yourself and don’t let your story get written by others but by yourself, it’s your story not theirs. As you can see, I say a lot of “I hope” because I have hope for you even if you don’t have it for yourself, I see hope in you even though you might want to give up. That’s why I hope you won’t see the world in darkness and will see it colorful again, I hope I will give you a glimpse of hope and make the world you see a bit colorful for today. My favorite color is yellow, and I hope the next time you see the color yellow you will think about my words. If someone left you than don’t blame yourself, don’t think you weren’t enough, don’t lower yourself for someone who couldn’t see the awesomeness in you. If you lost someone I am so sorry for your loss, they want you happy, I hope you don’t feel guilty or regret because you were there, you spend enough time with them, they want you to be happy. They are in a good and safe place now. If someone broke your heart than I am so sorry that they couldn’t see the way you look so beautiful because of the heart you have. Anyone who gets to be with you, doesn’t know how fucking lucky he/ she/ they is :). If you aren’t accepted at home or in general than I am so sorry that you have to deal with someone/ something you shouldn’t be ashamed of, I accept you and support you, I accept you as a human being no matter what race, religion, nationality, skin color, or sexuality you have. You’re safe here with me :). You’re not useless, you’re not a burden to anyone. You’re not a problem, you’re human and your feelings are valid. You’re not being dramatic. Please don’t starve yourself, you deserve food and to drink, I know it’s hard. It hurts to see that you’re in so much pain :( you deserve so much man, don’t let your emotions control you. Don’t let them get the best of you. I am sorry no one is noticing, I wish /hope I could take your pain away for today or even for a moment while you’re reading this. If no one told you, I am so proud of you, you’re reading this and it’s enough for me to be proud of you because you’re here and that’s all that matters to me. If it’s night for you, go to sleep, I know it’s hard to fall asleep right now but you deserve a good sleep. If you have nightmares, please, don’t let them fight you. If it’s day for you, don’t start it by such sad music, I know it’s impossible to have a good day with such mindset but take baby steps, start by drinking two cups of water everyday in the morning and so on.. You will start building little healthy habits. If it’s evening for you, you’re probably overwhelmed and stressed, I want you to know it’s okay to feel the way you feel. You don’t need to be scared, of course you’re overwhelmed or stressed, I mean who wouldn’t? But it’s important to know that when you feel that way you should do a little self care, such as taking a bath for example?

You deserve to feel at ease and relaxed. And if you are somewhere in between I hope you know that you’re so strong for breathing despite the pain, I know you will make it :) I believe in you. All I want for you is to stay here, I really mean all my words, even if there is a lot of unsaid things I want to tell u and my text is getting longer and longer,I want you here. I hope one day your smile will become a genuine one where you don’t need to fake it anymore, because I can’t say this enough, you deserve a good smile and to feel alive. You’re worth more than every fucking cent in this world. You can let go for today, I got you, you can cry your heart out as much as you want, but don’t let it tear you down and let your emotions control you by giving up. Crying is not weakness. If you still feel alone I dedicate you a song as your friend. “Dusk till Dawn- Zayn feat. Sia (I prefer the slow version)” I hope you can think of me and will remind yourself of my words, I will for sure think of you. In case no one told you and you’re unsure yourself, you’re a good person and I am so happy you’re here. I hope this is enough to stay today, tomorrow will be a new day, a new start, let go now. Enough with beating yourself up for today, okay? Life for those who couldn’t, smile for those who forgot what a genuine smile is, love like there’s no other, hug like its your last one. If you read all of it, until tomorrow my friend :) have a good day and great years. I love you so much and am so proud of you, I hope you will remember my words- becho, the stranger that cares more about you than anything :)

[dumbobsessivebitch]

Dear Stranger

To the person who read this, It’s been hard for you, I know, and it makes me sad that you don’t see yourself in the way I see you. Sometimes they are things in life that cause us to loose ourselves, and the way you have is so unimaginable painful. I miss your smile, the way your eyes light up the whole room just by the sound of your laughter. I miss the way you accepted the way you look in the mirror without cursing yourself out about how ugly you look. I miss the way you didn’t think of yourself as a failure because everyone makes mistakes, we all have flaws and we all aren’t perfect. It’s painful to see that no one around you seems to see the pain trough your eyes, but, stranger, I do, I see how heavy your heart is and how comforting the sadness for you might be, how afraid your heart is of happiness because it disappears in the end, right? You don’t know how much impact you have in this world and it’s sad to see that your demons fight against you and want to take over you. Because you do make change, it’s something so simple and little that brightens up someone’s whole world, it can be a small smile from your lips, the way you look at things you’re passionate about, the way you make yourself eat even though it’s been hard for you lately, the way you zoom out and go in your own world, you brighten up my world by reading this, it means a lot to me that you’re here, existing, but I don’t want you to just exist, you deserve to feel alive. You deserve to get up in the morning and feel good about yourself. You deserve to feel something- to feel every damn second alive in this lifetime. It’s heartbreaking that you think you’re not capable of being loved, because you are, I love you trough all my words and I hope you let it happen in your heart. Love is scary, I know, maybe you heart had been broken once and since then you wanted to be rather numb than feel ever again, it hurts me how you punish yourself, does it not deserve love? Because YOU DO deserve love, please forgive yourself, it’s not your fault that the demons want to take over your beautiful heart. You’re not a bad person for distancing yourself from others, but you deserve someone to talk to, you deserve someone to listen. I am listening, you can tell me what’s wrong. It’s everything, isn’t it? There’s something pulling your heartstrings on the ground and no one seems to understand how misunderstood you feel, it’s heartbreaking to know that I am behind the screen and can’t give you a hug, that’s why I will give you a big warm virtual hug and send you lots of love :). You matter. You are worthy. You are loved. You deserve good things. You deserve someone to listen. You deserve to eat and drink. You deserve to feel good and alive. You deserve to smile. You deserve a hug. You deserve to be all the things you want to be, because you deserve to have and feel good things happening to you and have a fulfilled life. I know I might not know you personally but I care about you so much, I write this because I want you to stay here with me, I want you to hold on a little longer because you matter so much to me, because I will not let you give up on yourself. I want you to see that you should not give up on yourself because you DESERVE GOOD THINGS. I want you to look back on the time when you were a kid, you didn’t give up when you tried to swim for the first time, you didn’t give up when you tired to walk for the first time and fell, you never gave up on yourself, you always kept on pushing forwards, so why can’t you now? I know it’s tiring, your mentally tired, but dont your younger self deserve good things? look back at your eyes that used to be full of hope, look back on those dreams. Don’t let yourself fall, you deserve better. We will both fight, I will fight for you. I won’t let those demons get to you. You can hold on to me, I won’t let you down :). Whenever you feel lonely, then look at the sky, I always look at it and think about you. Yes, you, because it makes me happy that there’s someone looking right back, maybe we can’t see each other but I can feel your presence here with me and that’s enough for me, because I am glad your heart is beating and you’re still fighting. You’re so much stronger thank you think, you didn’t leave your spot on this earth even if you wanted to, you belong here, even though it doesn’t feel like it, when you don’t feel like belonging than build your own home here, put all your love in it and dreams. Think of you as a star when you feel alone, you shine because your heart is good, no matter what mistake you made, no matter about the past you had, you’re one of the stars that shine bright in the universe because you’re heart is beautiful, that’s why the demons in your mind wants to have it. As one of the stars you see others stars, maybe they have felt the same way as you do at some point in there life, but they lighten up the universe with each other’s presence. You’re a star for me, maybe you don’t see it yourself but I can see it, you’re beautiful from inside and out, your body is beautiful the way it is. You make me happy by reading this, you make me feel something by your presence and when you can make me feel that way than you also make other  people feel that way about you too. I hope you stay for yourself and don’t let your story get written by others but by yourself, it’s your story not theirs. As you can see, I say a lot of “I hope” because I have hope for you even if you don’t have it for yourself, I see hope in you even though you might want to give up. That’s why I hope you won’t see the world in darkness and will see it colorful again, I hope I will give you a glimpse of hope and make the world you see a bit colorful for today. My favorite color is yellow, and I hope the next time you see the color yellow you will think about my words. If someone left you than don’t blame yourself, don’t think you weren’t enough, don’t lower yourself for someone who couldn’t see the awesomeness in you. If you lost someone I am so sorry for your loss, they want you happy, I hope you don’t feel guilty or regret because you were there, you spend enough time with them, they want you to be happy. They are in a good and safe place now. If someone broke your heart than I am so sorry that they couldn’t see the way you look so beautiful because of the heart you have. Anyone who gets to be with you, doesn’t know how fucking lucky he/ she/ they is :). If you aren’t accepted at home or in general than I am so sorry that you have to deal with someone/ something you shouldn’t be ashamed of, I accept you and support you, I accept you as a human being no matter what race, religion, nationality, skin color, or sexuality you have. You’re safe here with me :). You’re not useless, you’re not a burden to anyone. You’re not a problem, you’re human and your feelings are valid. You’re not being dramatic. Please don’t starve yourself, you deserve food and to drink, I know it’s hard. It hurts to see that you’re in so much pain :( you deserve so much man, don’t let your emotions control you. Don’t let them get the best of you.  I am sorry no one is noticing, I wish /hope I could take your pain away for today or even for a moment while you’re reading this. If no one told you, I am so proud of you, you’re reading this and it’s enough for me to be proud of you because you’re here and that’s all that matters to me. If it’s night for you, go to sleep, I know it’s hard to fall asleep right now but you deserve a good sleep. If you have nightmares, please, don’t let them fight you. If it’s day for you, don’t start it by such sad music, I know it’s impossible to have a good day with such mindset but take baby steps, start by drinking two cups of water everyday in the morning and so on.. You will start building little healthy habits. If it’s evening for you, you’re probably overwhelmed and stressed, I want you to know it’s okay to feel the way you feel. You don’t need to be scared, of course you’re overwhelmed or stressed, I mean who wouldn’t? But it’s important to know that when you feel that way you should do a little self care, such as taking a bath for example? You deserve to feel at ease and relaxed. And if you are somewhere in between I hope you know that you’re so strong for breathing despite the pain, I know you will make it :) I believe in you. All I want for you is to stay here, I really mean all my words, even if there is a lot of unsaid things I want to tell u and my text is getting longer and longer,I want you here. I hope one day your smile will become a genuine one where you don’t need to fake it anymore, because I can’t say this enough, you deserve a good smile and to feel alive. You’re worth more than every fucking cent in this world. You can let go for today, I got you, you can cry your heart out as much as you want, but don’t let it tear you down and let your emotions control you by giving up. Crying is not weakness. If you still feel alone I dedicate you a song as your friend. “Dusk till Dawn- Zayn feat. Sia (I prefer the slow version)” I hope you can think of me and will remind yourself of my words, I will for sure think of you. In case no one told you and you’re unsure yourself, you’re a good person and I am so happy you’re here. I hope this is enough to stay today, tomorrow will be a new day, a new start, let go now. Enough with beating yourself up for today, okay? Life for those who couldn’t, smile for those who forgot what a genuine smile is, love like there’s no other, hug like its your last one. If you read all of it, until tomorrow my friend :) have a good day and great years. I love you so much and am so proud of you, I hope you will remember my words- becho, the stranger that cares more about you than anything :) <3

[deliverydefresas]

another aeroplane, another sunny place

AKA, the final bonus part of shape of you that wasn't posted here, but on wp. very much inspired by michael bublé's song 'home' back in 2017 that i finally finished writing a while ago. technically it can be read as a standalone os since that's how it was originally written as, but it also makes sense in the sofy universe. (just like another os i will post sometime next week that i *also* posted on wp but not on here)

ANYWAYS feel free to ignore if you've read it already, since i'm mostly just posting it here in case i need to reference it later!

may be surrounded by a million people i still feel alone, i just wanna go home

oh, i miss you, you know

He'd been on the road for eight months now.

He was grateful of all the success the Rollerband was getting; a worldwide sold-out tour, thousands of records sold, a renewed signing contract for another three years. He knew he was lucky, and he couldn't deny it.

Career-wise, he was happy, living his rock-star dream. His personal life was a whole different thing.

They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. And it was true, honestly. If he thought he loved his girlfriend before, he knew for sure now that he was ten thousand kilometers away. However, what they don't tell you, it's how hard it can get when such a distance is formed. He hadn't talked to Ámbar, like really talked, in two months.

Their relationship had gotten to an only-texting communication, with hello's and goodnight's texts received every day. The phone calls had reduced to once a week, if that.

It hadn't started that way, though. The first three months consisted of daily three-hours-long video calls, with the occasional visit if uni and her schedule allowed her, then they passed to a one-hour daily cellphone call... now they were lucky they even remembered to put 'i love you' at the end of their texts.

He didn't like it, not one bit. He knew where they were leading; he'd seen it first with Jim and Nico years ago (which was a reason he tried not to date anyone seriously), and then a few months later with Delfi and Pedro. Simón didn't want that for Ámbar and himself.

He checked the time; almost midnight where he was, so it'd only be around 7 PM in Buenos Aires. Her uni classes ended at three, so either she was at the J&R or doing homework.

Deciding he didn't have anything to lose, he pressed 'call' on his phone. Five rings later, she picked up, her beaming face appearing on his screen. Gosh, how he'd missed her.

"Aló, Simón?!" Her voice sounded a little breathy, but overall excited. He had to smile when he heard her. "How are you? I miss you," she sighed wistfully on the other side of the line. The hand she wasn't using to hold the phone went to her hair, twirling a lock away from her face.

"I miss you too," Simón answered, a small smile gracing his lips, "I'm coming home soon, only a couple of weeks more, little gem."

"It feels like too long, but at least it's sooner than eight months," she mumbled, sighing again, "how's Spain? Didn't you have a show tonight?"

"Spain's great, full of life," he remembered the crowd, screaming and singing along, "the show ended an hour ago. I'm feeling a little homesick, I guess," he admitted, "I wish I was there with you."

"Don't," she reprimanded him, shaking her head a little, "you'll be here soon, enjoy tour life while you can."

"That's the thing... I'm not enjoying it anymore." Ámbar went still at this. If it weren't for the tenue sound of music she was listening on her side and that he could hear through the phone, he'd have thought it's freezed on him; when he realized that wasn't the case, he continued. "It's been too long. I miss our bed, I miss waking up next to you, hugging you, kissing you... I miss our dog and I miss our friends. This life... it feels so empty, little gem." He wasn't ashamed to say he was close to tears. He loved touring, giving concerts in different parts of the world, meeting fans all over the globe... those were heavy pros. Simón just wished he'd have more time for his family.

"Don't think like that, Simón, please." She begged him, the little tremble in her voice gave away her emotions, her face had barely moved. Simón knew it was more for his sake than for hers. "I miss you too, so much it hurts sometimes. But this is your dream, love, this is what you've worked so hard for; don't let homesickness stop you from finding joy in what you love the most."

"I'll try, I promise I will. I just... I don't know..."

"I get it, I'm the same sometimes. But you must understand; we're not them, Simón." Her voice turned softer, understanding, and soothing. He loved that about her, that she seemed to know what to say and how to say it without a prompt given. "Do you know why they didn't work out? It's not because they loved each other less, or because the distance was too much. It was the pressure of feeling that if they weren't near each other, if they didn't talk to the other 24/7, their bond would break. It was too much, and it ended up leaving them strained."

"Is this your way of telling me you don't want to talk to me anymore?" he joked, his smile growing as she rolled her eyes.

"You're an idiot." She deadpanned, changing her position on the bed to recline her back on their bedrest. "Seriously, though, do you get what I'm saying?"

"Yes, love. I know I shouldn't care too much about how much we talk as it does not define our relationship but what can I say? I miss you." She grinned at him.

"I miss you, too. I'm always a call away," she promised him, but then she frowned, "unless I'm at class, then sorry, you'll have to talk to my voicemail."

He laughed, "I see how it is, a boring class is way more important than funny me. How's everything over there? How's my princess?"

"Always." She winked at him. "Everything's fine. I had lunch with my mom today, she made mushroom lasagna, I told her already that mushrooms taste like nothing, but she swears they're flavorful; I might go visit my dad tomorrow as well; he's been bugging me about having dinner with him and his family," he absentmindedly scrunched his nose at the mention of the fungi, he hated them, "Toppy is here, I can put you on speaker so you can talk to her, if you want. I can't promise she'll answer, though, she's been giving me an attitude lately."

"An attitude? You're rubbing on her, aren't you? When I get home, I'll come back to two Ámbar's instead of one." He teased her, earning a huff from his girl. "Let me talk to her, I bet she doesn't even recognize my voice anymore."

"You've always been her favorite, she will." She replied softly, and then it was quiet for a couple of seconds, while she took off the earphones' plug from her phone. "Okay, you're on speaker now. Toppy, babe, come greet daddy." Simón waited until he heard a 'thud' – followed by Ámbar adjusting her phone's camera so he could see both his girl and their pet- to speak again.

"Toppy?" Not a sound.

Before he could get sad he got no response, Ámbar spoke. "She's smelling my phone, talk again." She sounded amused, so Simón complied, cheerier this time.

"How's my favorite puppet doing? I heard you're giving mommy a bit of trouble. What happened to my good girl?" He wasn't done with his first question when the barking started, his pup's little whines sounded almost as if she was reprimanding his absence.

"She's missed you." His girlfriend exclaimed over the barking, chuckling at the way Toppy's tail swat rapidly.

"I miss her too." He sighed again, "I miss you both a lot."

"Just a few more weeks." She reminded him, her smile and tone wistful as she tried to contain the pup's wriggling body. He had to smile at that.

"Just a few more weeks." He echoed, the underlying promise loud to their ears. "I love you."

"I love you too." She paused for a second, before speaking again, "now please go to sleep, you look like you died a week ago." Simón laughed at that, but he knew better than to fight her when she was trying to take care of him.

"I'll call you tomorrow, alright?"

His words were met with a grin. "Not if I text you first. I love you so much, Simón."

"I love you more, little gem. Take care, okay? I'll see you as soon as I can." She sent him a kiss through the phone, before disconnecting the call. He stared at the screen for a couple of minutes, before the 'low battery' notification popped up and he had to charge it. The call left him feeling much better, so he decided to go to bed already.

Just a few more weeks ran like a mantra trough his mind, soothing his fears and anxiety. Just a few more weeks and I'll be home.

[jar-full-of-pixel-hearts]

Heyy it's so good that requests are open! Could I request some angst? Maybe with "Why do you care?" and "I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression" from that prom list? It's also fine if you just want to take one :)

Friends or more...

F. Tony Scarapaducci x Reader

Space Force Netflix

A/N : Hi ! I agree it was good to open the request and I will do it really more often ! Angst usually my strong suit, but I give it a try and I hope you will like it. If you do, please let me know as an anon or not !  Thank you for your request.  

* English is not my first language, I tried really hard to correct myself but, I hope you will excuse me if some mistakes are still there.

---

You were in the control room that day, when the news about the pyromaniac astronaut came out. 

As much as you had tried, it had been hard for you and all of your co-worker to not turn around and watch, like in case of a car crash, the high general spit his guts against F. Tony. 

It’s true that it had been a true mistake. But, you still felt bad for the social media manager, knowing how difficult and messy it had been to find the volunteers.

For the past year, you had tried to create step by step a bond with the tall man. Succeeding more than you trough when, at the first laugh party, both drunk, you had shared a steamy kiss you never talked about after that night. 

Keeping your position at your computer, you wait for everybody to return to their work before going to the office of F. Tony. After such an awful scene, the little support of a friend will probably help him feel better. 

Approaching the door, hearing a muffled but still audible series of swears, you knock at the door, opening it slightly in the same move. 

“ What ! “ F. Tony shout.   

“ Hi...I thought that you might need a friend ? “ You simply tell, closing the door behind you. 

Passing a hand on his face, he faced you, more serious that you never saw him. F. Tony wasn’t the angry or the grumpy type in front of a problem. He was more the kind to accept the problem and work on a way to solve it, even if the solution he choose is completely stupid. But, right now, almost dominating you of all his stature, he was more looking like a tiger trap in a cage. 

“ I don’t need a damn friend, I need to fix that fucking situation ! “ He raged, taping now furiously on his phone. “ And then kill Brad “ 

Staying patient, trying to get closer, judging if the best approach wasn’t to simply leave, you made a few steps in his direction. 

“ That’s why I'm here, after what happened with the general I want to help you...” You said, watching him scrolling on his screen. 

“ Help me ?! “ He mocks, putting his phone down. “ The last person who said that to me was Hannah and you know what happened !“ He exclaimed. “ Anyway, why do you care !?”  

You knew you shouldn’t feel that way, but hearing him compare your offer of help as the false one that this snake of Hannah made him a long time ago, hurt you. Add to his angry and mocking attitude, your tone suddenly becomes more cold. 

“ Because I thought we were friends and maybe even more. You know it's funny, I even remember that you kiss me for a really long time one night. But maybe you don’t remember it since we never talk about it and you feel the need to ask me Why do I care. After all it’s not like you have a lot of friends to compare me to “ 

You didn’t know exactly why you had been so harsh or why you told him about the kiss. After almost a month, you had simply tried to persuade you that he simply didn’t remember and you had chosen to move on. 

It was a fact that F. Tony didn’t have many memories of that night. But, the gin tonic taste of your soft lips against his and the way you had loved yourself on his arms, your sleepy head on his shoulder, was one of his favorites. Unfortunately, the accumulation of all the problems and the recent humiliation he had to endure that day didn’t let him tell you, make him explode in a white rage

“ In my memories it’s you who almost fell on me, I only respond to your invitation ! ”

 “ You had pushed me on your way to the bar !” You gasp, getting closer, shouting. 

“ You was on the way with that stupid muscular spaceman ! “  He replied, shouting now too.

“ Maybe I should have kissed him ! “

“ Yeah, Maybe you should have ! ” F. Tony rage, jealousy slowly crawling in his body.

“ Wow I can’t believe that I though we’re at least friend”  

" I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression ! And as you can see I can resolve this fucking pyromaniac bad publicity problem by myself ! I don’t need nothing of you. I will just have to do a conference an make a list of all the stupid things they don’t tell me before. “ He replied, showing you a paragraph writing in a note app. “ If you can let me know, I have work to do “

Shame and anger now filling your veine, you close your fist, a million of sours replies flying in your mind. But, stepping back, turning on your heels you decide to simply let go, tears of anger and sadness already slowly flooding your eyes.     

“ And for your information I have friends ! “ He retorted as your hand touched the door handle. 

Biting your lips for a few seconds, you turn on yourself facing him one last time. 

“ No Fuck Anthony, they are not your friends. On a million of followers, you will maybe find two or three with whom you could become friends, but you don’t interact enough with them for that. No F. Tony. A friend is a person you can go hang out and call when you're in trouble or feel sad, even if it’s late at night. I think I was that person for you, but apparently I'm not. Good luck with all that. And for information...You’re an idiot ! “ You coldly reply, trying  without success to hide your emotion. 

Didn’t waiting for his answer, you stepped outside of the office, not noticing the shameful expression of his face in front of your gaze full of tears and the realization of what he had done. The only thing you heard was the Fuck he shout, as you take the way of the bathroom to calm yourself. 

---

The next day, as you enter your little office, relieved to not have met F.Tony in the stair. You suddenly stop on your track. 

On your desk was sitting an arrangement of most of your favorite flowers in a sky blue vase. Surprise, you take the little card hanging on one of the large leaves.

  “ I am an idiot, a moron, almost a troll. 

I’m sorry for what I said yesterday I was angry . Do you accept my request for friendship ?

Or more ? Because yes, I remember your pretty lips and i’m so glad that i’m the one you choose to kiss. 

Again, I’m an idiot and I’m sorry. 

Fuck Anthony Scarapaducci. 

#You talk a lot when your drunk and I remember your favorite flowers“

Giving a glance to the beautiful bouquet, trying to not grin like a fool. You reread the carte another time, hoping to do the right things, before taking your phone. Opening the contact of F. Tony, smiling at the tongues out picture he put for his contact when he gave you his number, you simply send him a quick text. 

“ Y/N has accepted your request of friendship...or more. “    

—

PLEASE don’t forget to Like, Comment or Reblog !

—

[cherrytdatt]

Sadness Ritual pt. 2

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Word count: ~6k (i really thought it would be shorter)

Summary: Tom wished he was the normal guy you wanted.

Warnings: one panic attack (nothing too graphic), angst, my bad language, and my bad writing.

A/N: Sadness Ritual pt 2 is here! I didn't wanna make a pt 2 but then i received this ask talking about a Tom pov and i thought it was the best idea ever, so i decided to try it. Now that i did it i kind of want a happier end for Tom and Y/N, so PLEASE let me know if you guys want a part 3 to end all this mess. OH! AND THIS IS ANGST AF!!!!!!

Request: SADNESS RITUAL WAS SO GOOD. But what if it was the other way around? What if Tom thinks the reader, a normal girl, would never choose him bc of his fame and how she always says she probably wouldn’t be able to handle it? Thanks in advance!❣️

***Playlist: “This is Lewis Capaldi” on Spotify.

Part 1

Tom looked at himself in the mirror, fixing his hair for the tenth time. "Fuck," he muttered, annoyed. "Fuck this shit!" he said, running his hand through his hair and messing it out even more. Tom was at his limit. He was forcing himself to go on a date just to try to feel something. Actually, he was on his third date with the same girl. He talked to her, he kissed her, they had sex, and nothing. Tom felt nothing. Well, he felt...regret, sadness, anxiety...not what he was looking for.

"Third date?" Harrison asked, leaning on the door, and looking at his friend's annoyed expression.

"Something like that," Tom said.

"This is getting serious?" he asked when Tom started trying to fix his hair again.

"It seems like," Tom said with a weak voice.

"Did you introduced her to any other friend?" Harrison was trying to make his friend talk. Something he didn't do for some time.

Tom glanced at Harrison, knowing what he was really trying to ask. "Not yet. She'll meet Tuwaine and Sam tonight," he said, looking at his reflection again.

"What about Y/N?" Harrison finally asked.

"What about her?" Tom was feeling more and more stressed.

"How long you think you can hide this from her?"

"I'M NOT..." he said, exasperated. "I'm not hiding anything," he defended himself. Harrison knew that Tom loved you, cause he told him months ago. Harrison also knew that you loved Tom, cause his girlfriend and your best friend, Anna, told him months ago. They tried not to force you two to face this mess, but Harrison was tired of seeing his friend struggling to get over a girl who loved him. However, every time he talked to Tom, the boy always said he was okay, and that there was nothing he could do, even if you liked him the same way, to make it work.

"Then what is it?" Harrison asked.

Tom took a deep breath, finally giving up on his hair. He was gonna wear a hat. "You wanna know something I want?" Tom asked rhetorically, leaning against the sink, and Harrison looked at him, hoping his friend would finally talk to him. "I want you to forget that I ever told you I like Y/N. I want you to go hang out with Anna and let me get over Y/N the best way I can," he walked to Harrison. “Please, do this for me," he patted his friend's shoulder and left the bathroom, going back to his bedroom. Harrison shook his head, sad for his friend.

~

The date was a nightmare. Tom didn't enjoy it at first, then he started drinking so he could start enjoying it. He got drunk, therefore he started talking and being clingy. In the end, his head was pounding, his heart was aching, and his guilt was more alive than ever. When he finally got home, all he wanted was to sleep and forget about the entire night. He laid in his bed, wishing for a short term amnesia. Why did he keep doing this? How long would he keep trying to like this girl and ignore what he felt for you? He looked at his cellphone that was by his side on the bed. He couldn't tell you. He tried. Almost a year ago.

"Look! I just found another pic!" you said animatedly, and already a little drunk, turning the phone so he can look at it. You laughed at his grumpy face in the picture.

"And that's why I hate LA," he said. "Only there these people follow me and take these pictures," he pointed at your phone.

You two had planned a movie night with Harrison and Anna, at least that was what you thought. What happened was that Tom asked Harrison to make something up and leave you and him alone, so he could finally talk to you about how he was feeling.

Tom starred at you while you scrolled trough stupid sites, looking for 'grumpy photos of Tom.' You always said you like to turn them into memes. "I don't know how you do this. I would die if someone took a picture of me and posted it online without my permission," you said. Tom always knew that you hated unexpected pictures. Actually, you hated pictures in general. Your Instagram feed had thirty pictures, all landscapes from places you traveled to. That was one of the reasons he rarely went out with you, and when you go out, he made sure that more people were around so people won't focus on taking pictures of you.

"You get used to it," he shrugged.

"I doubt that," you said absentmindedly, still scrolling. "Oh! Look at this one," you turned the screen so Tom could see. It was a picture of him, eating, and a girl he was out with, annoyed with something. "Best of luck for your next girlfriend, because this..." you pointed at the screen. "It's a lot to deal with," you laughed, not noticing the sad expression that appeared in his face. Tom just realized he couldn't tell you how he felt. Option one, you would turn him down, his heart would break and he would have to watch you live your life without him. Option two, you would like him back, but as soon as the world found out about your relationship, you would hate him for exposing you.

"You don't think I’m worth the effort?" he asked, his tone more serious than he wanted to. He was incapable to control his own voice.

"Sweetie, don't get me wrong. You're the best person I know, any girl would be lucky to date you. But this girl should be enjoying your company, and she's clearly not," you said. "And I'm sure that she's like that cause you were in a bad mood because of the paparazzi," you gave him a questioning look, making him smile.

"Let's just watch the movie," he changed the subject before you could notice his mood switch.

His heavy eyes opened slowly. The noises coming from the kitchen helped him to wake up completely. He searched for his phone. 10:32. He sat on the bed, holding his head. "Fuck!" he groaned. "Fucking stupid!" He got up, going to his bathroom. He needed a shower.

The shower and the smell of coffee was a relief. Tom put on a black jeans and headed to the kitchen. "'Morning," Anna said, seeing him enter the kitchen.

"Hey," Tom said, going to the coffeemaker and serving himself some coffee.

"Tough night?" Anna asked, spreading strawberry jelly in her toast.

"Drank too much," he said.

They both sat in silence, eating, and drinking the coffee. After breakfast, Tom went back to his room. He was in no mood to talk. He searched in his cabinet for some aspirin and something for his nausea. He laid in bed, turning his TV in some random golf game. But he wasn't really paying attention.

He unlocked his phone, going through his chats. His family chat was blowing up, just like his group chat with the boys. He clicked on your tab, looking at the meme you sent him the day before. He didn't answer cause he was on his way to the girl's house. He couldn't talk to you today. The memories were too fresh in his mind. He just stayed there, laid in bed, waiting for the pills to work. Things could be easier. They should be.

"So?" you asked, looking at him. You two were laid on your back on the floor of his living room.

"I'm thinking," he said, laughing.

"Jesus! It's just a color. Just pick one and I'll tell you if it'll look good or not," you rolled your eyes.

"Blue?" he said more like a question.

"What kind of blue?" you asked.

"I don't know," he shrugged, laughing. "How many there are?"

"At least tell me if it's light or dark," you tried.

"In the middle," he looked at you. You were starring at the skylight. The sun sparkling in your eyes, making them shine even more.

You laughed, shrinking your shoulders, he loved it when you do that. "So, they will give you a car, and you will pick a blue one? Not dark blue or light blue. A middle blue?" you asked turning to look at him.

"Exactly!" he said.

"You know what? Ask for a middle blue one. If you hate it, at least you didn't pay for it," you smiled.

"Good point," he said, and you heard the door opening. You sat, leaning on your arms.

"What are you two doing?" Harrison asked, stopping at the door with Anna by his side.

"Tom is getting a car, and we're trying to decide what color we want," you explained nonchalantly. Tom propped himself in his elbows, looking at the newly formed couple.

"How was your date?" you asked. You knew they would tell the truth no matter what. Your group of friends, that involved another four or five people, was this type of friend, that always tells the truth. If it was bad, they would say that they decided to stay friends, and everything would be okay. If it was good, good!

Anna bit her lower lip, holding a smile. "I think it was good," Harrison said, holding her by the waist, and looking down at her.

"Yeah...it was good," she looked at him.

"They are gonna get married, aren't they?" you whispered to Tom who laughed, shaking his head.

"Friends can do this?" he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Apparently, they can," you pointed at the couple that was in their own world. "I'm gonna be a shitty made of honor," you whined.

"I'm gonna be a great best man," Tom shrugged.

"We are going..." Harrisons said pointing to his room.

"Yeah, yeah. Go!" you cut him off, and they just left you two in the living room. "So, blue?" you asked, laying on the floor again.

"Blue!" Tom said.

He got the blue car, and you loved it for a while. But then it was so bright and so...blue. Tom started hating too. So much that, after a while, he just gave it to his mom and his brothers.

Tom looked at his phone again. 7:24. The day was getting darker and darker. A knock on his door woke him from his thoughts. He spent the whole day in bed between naps and self-hatred. "Hey, mate. How are you feeling?" Harrison asked getting into his room and closing the door behind him.

"Not great," Tom replied, propping himself up.

"Yeah...It'll get worst," Harrison warned, sitting in his bed. His face was a mix of worry and sadness.

"What happened?" Tom asked in a worried tone.

"Your date, yesterday, it's all over the internet," Harrison said, handing him his phone. A clear picture of him, holding the girl's hand. He didn't even remember doing this, but he was smiling, and the girl was too. He was fucked! He didn't tell almost anyone he was dating. His mom didn't know. You didn't know. Y/N! You crossed his mind. You would hate him for hiding something like this, and you didn't even know why he was hiding it.

"Fuck! Fuckfuckfuck!" He said, getting up still looking at the pictures.

"It's okay, mate. I know it's not what you wanted, but it's okay. You're allowed to date," Harrison tried to calm him down.

Tom was freaking out, his breath was getting shorter, and his chest was hurting, his head was spinning. He fucked up big time.

"Tom?" Harrison called. He ran his hand through his hair. Why was this happening? And at that moment, he wished he wasn't famous. He wished he never did the Spider-Man movies. He wished he was a normal guy. That way these pictures would never exist and he would be the normal you want in your life. He needed to get out of his house. He handed Harrison his phone and left the room, putting on the first shirt and shoe he found.

"Where are you going?" Harrison followed him around the house.

"I'm going out," he said, getting his car keys.

"Tom..." Harrison called, but he was already out.

There was one place Tom could handle now. There was one person who would help him now. He drove the short way to their house. The familiar path. He stopped the car, getting out. He was still shaking, and for a split second, he thought that he shouldn't drive like that. He walked the little trail to the front door. Tom took a deep breath, the deepest he could at this moment, knocking on the door three times. His wait seemed longer than it really was. A noise inside warned him someone was home.

"Hey, mom," he said when the door finally opened.

"Hey, sweetie," his mom said, opening her arms to him. He hugged her like it was the last thing he was gonna do in his life. His eyes were burning, and he already could feel the tears emerging. "I'm sorry, baby," she said, caressing his head. His mom knew how much he hated being that exposed, she knew how much he was struggling the last months, and she had a feeling that the girl he liked wasn't the one in the pictures.

~

Tom played with the mug in front of him, trying to forget everything that happened in the last twenty-four hours. "Do you wanna talk about it?" his mom asked, looking at him.

Tom looked at her, and then again to his mug. "I...I just..." he was struggling. "How...did I let that happen?"

"It was not your fault, Tom. The pictures were not your fault. You are always careful, but these people are crazy. They stalk you, and never care about your privacy," his mom said.

"Yeah, but if I didn't have this job..." he started, but she cut him off.

"Don't say that! You love your job. A lot of great things come from your job. All the people you help, you just help because of your job. So don't regret having it. You just have to learn how to deal with this part of your job," she said.

"I know. But sometimes I just wished I was a normal guy, you know?" he cried.

"You are a normal guy. You clean the dishes, you argue with your brothers, you go out with your friends. These are all 'normal guy' stuff," she smiled.

"Yeah, but..."

"Look,” she looked at him expectantly, “Do you wanna tell me what's really bothering you?" she said and he looked at her.

"It's... it's Y/N," he finally said. His mom listened to the whole story. How he fell in love with you, but you kept saying that date him must be a nightmare because of the pictures and the stalk, even though he was the best person you ever met. He told her how he tried to tell you a few times about how he felt, but always gave up when you included the word 'normal' in your guy description after saying his life as crazy as hell. How after a few months he just gave up and tried to move on, dating other girls, and that was when this girl showed up. He told her he didn't have the courage to talk to you about the girl, because he rather tell you about how he loved you, instead.

"You may disagree with me, but I think she likes you too," his mom said afterward, earning a shocking and confused look from Tom. "First, I see you two together since you were twelve, and it's annoying how sometimes you ignore everyone else in the room but each other. Second, she says that but never refuses to go out with the boys and you, and this means that she hates the exposure, but she hates, even more, being apart from you. And I will end with the third one, even though I could go on forever. She would never say you are the best person in the world if she didn't think you are worth the effort," his mom said.

"I asked her if I wasn't worth," he said still not convinced.

"And what did she said?"

He tried to remember the night, which wasn't that difficult since he replayed your talk for days after it happened. "She was looking at some paparazzi pictures of me and a girl, saying how bad that girl’s life must be with all the exposure and I asked her if I wasn't worth it," he told her.

"And what did she said?"

"She said I was the best person in the world but the girl in the picture should be enjoying being with me, and she wasn't," he finished.

"Yes? And when is that the same thing that say you don’t worth the effort?" she asked with a smile in her face.

"It isn't?" he asked, a little hope appearing in his eyes.

"Of course not! She meant that the girl didn't like you enough to be happy there," she said. "If you want my opinion, I think she implied that you being 'the best person in the world', the girl was being an idiot for not enjoying your company," she finished.

"Do you really think this?" he asked.

"Why would I lie? By the way, I think you were scared of talking to her, and that's why you got everything wrong," she shrugged.

Maybe his mom was right. He was afraid to mess up your friendship and took him weeks to decide to talk to you. And when he finally decided, the first thing you said made him give up.

Tom went back to his house feeling a little better. Talk to his mom always helped. He still was regretting the night before, and still was afraid of talking to you, but now he didn't hate his job, and he had this hope that maybe you could love him back enough to handle all the bullshit in his life.

"Did you talked to Y/N?" Anna asked as soon as he got home.

"No," he started. But before he could say he was planning to, Anna cut him off.

"She doesn't answer my texts or call," she said, looking at him from the couch. "I think she's upset."

"Did you called her place?" he asked scrolling through his phone.

"No. I think you should go talk to her," Anna told him. She had an idea of why you weren't answering her, and only Tom could solve this.

"Y-yeah, sure. I'll..." he said, picking up his keys again and leaving.

~

'I talked to her. She's alive. But talk to her! You know what I mean!!!' Anna's text appeared on the screen of his phone, and he felt the air being pulled out of him.

He got into your building, breathing slowly, trying to calm himself. The time in the elevator looked like an eternity. When the door opened and your door came to his view, he thought he was going crazy for doing this. But now he was here, so he was gonna do it anyway. He walked to your door, and he could hear that annoying band you always listen to when you're sad. His heart broke, thinking about you being sad. He leaned his hands against your doorway, trying to calm himself the best he could. He knocked on your door three times. Not a change in the sound that was coming from inside. He looked at the floor seeing a shadow moving behind the door and that hurt him a little. You was hiding from him.

"I know you're in there. Let me in," he tried to sound as normal as he could. "I can see your shadow moving behind the door. Open up," he finished when you didn't answer. 

"I'm not feeling so good. I talk to you later. Or text you." you said, but he wasn't giving up that easy. He thought about what his mom said.

"Please. I know you're lying. Your second best friend told me you were upset," he said, exposing her lie.

"Yeah... well, I'm upset cause I'm feeling sick," now he knew you were lying, and your lazy voice was a sign that you were probably drunk.

"You can't lie to me. I'm hearing that awful band you listen to whenever you're sad... and by your voice, I can tell you are drinking wine. No one who is feeling sick drinks wine," he said, feeling a little happy with how much he knew about you.

"Please, Tom... just leave me alone. We can talk tomorrow," he felt the sadness on your voice. He took a deep breath leaning his hand against the door.

"No way. I'm your best friend. I'm here to take care of you and I'm not gonna leave until you let me in," he said concerned. "I'm gonna spend the entire night on the floor, and all your neighbors will talk about how you let a cute movie star spend the night on the floor, and you will be a villain, and they will hate you forever," he joked seating on the floor by your door. He had to talk to you today.

"You're so idiot," you said, so low that he almost didn't hear.

"But you love me," he said, with a hopeful smile. 'I hope,' he thought.

He heard you walking and the song stopped. He did it! You would let him in. "I know you gonna let me in cause you turned off that awful music," he laughed.

"I didn't turn it off, I just turned down," he heard you.

"Why do you listen to such depressive music..." he started. "...when you're sad?" he finished, relief running through his body when he saw you.

"Do you want me to listen to a Barney song?" you quipped with a smile. Even though it looked like a forced smile, he was happy he let him in.

"First of all, tell me why you are sad?" he asked, hugging you, hoping you would tell the truth.

"No specific reason," you lied and he felt your body tense in his arms.

"Why are you so difficult sometimes?" he asked, entering your apartment before you could lock him out.

"I'm not difficult," you protested.

"Sure," he sat on your couch, picking up the glass of wine you were drinking. He was feeling the courage ran out of his body. He needed alcohol. Even if it was that disgusting wine you drank on these occasions. "And this awful cheap wine," he complained, feeling the extremely bitter taste of the wine go down his throat.

"Are you here to criticize me? Cause I didn't ask you to come," you said and he felt the bitterness in your voice.

"I'm joking, okay?" he explained himself.

"Okay," you mumble, sitting by his side. His heart was going crazy inside his chest. "I thought you were out with friends today?" you started before he could say anything.

"Who told you that?" he asked confused, he had no plans of going out tonight.

"Anna," you said.

"Yeah... she was wrong," he said, thinking if Anna told you about him storming out of his house. He looked at the TV, trying to hide the sadness in his eyes when he thought about his panic attack.

"I thought so... since you were out yesterday," you said, and he felt his body froze. How did you know about him going out? He asked Harrison and Anna not to tell you anything.

"How do you know that?" he asked, not wanting to look at you. He was panicking.

"Anna," you said, and an idea crossed his mind. Did you saw the pictures? "Did you had fun?" you asked, cutting his thoughts.

Tom was feeling the panic building in his body. "It could've been better if you were there," he said, trying to hide how dry his throat felt.

"Well, if you had asked me, I could've been there," you said, and he felt his chest tightening. He hummed, incapable of saying any words. He was feeling his entire body hurt. He couldn't think straight.

You got up, going to the kitchen with the glass and the empty bottle. He took deep breaths, trying to stay calm. His body relaxed a little. "You can sleep on the couch if you want," you said, and his heart fell. You were running away from him.

"Can I sleep with you?" he asked before he could think something else. He just wanted to be close to you.

"Sure," you shrugged. "I'm gonna... brush my teeth," you left the room, and Tom could hear his heart beating loud and clear. You knew about the pictures. He saw your notebook close to where you were seated. He looked at the hallway where you disappeared a few seconds ago, and without thinking much about what he was doing, he opened the notebook. The first thing he saw broke his heart in a million pieces. It was him holding that girl's hand. So you saw the pictures, and that was why you were sad.

Wait! His mind started working again. If what was bothering you was the fact that he didn’t tell you about the girl, you would be mad, not sad. And you would scream at him, not hide from him. But you didn't scream. You were sad. That could mean his mom was right. You liked him. He felt his heart beating fast. A confident smile appearing on his face.

He closed the notebook again. A stingy feeling in his stomach when he focused on the picture again before closing. He got up, going to your bathroom. "Can I use the bathroom?" he asked, not hearing a noise from inside.

"Yeah. I'm almost done," you said, and he leaned on the doorway, not able to hide the smile in his face, thinking that maybe, just maybe, everything would be okay.

“What took you so long?” he asked with a smile, the feeling that his mom was right growing inside him.

“I-I’m going… to bed,” you said, and he nodded.

“I’ll meet you there,” he said, going into the bathroom. He was feeling almost normal again. Tom looked at his reflection. His hair was a mess, but he didn't care. You always said he looked good like that. He brushed his teeth with the toothbrush he left at your home a few months ago. Before he left the bedroom he looked at himself one more time, promising internally that, no matter what happened from that moment on, you two would end up together. Even if he had to take classes to learn how to be the normal guy you wanted.

He walked out of the bathroom, going to your bedroom. “Do you still have those sweatpants I gave you a couple months ago?” he thought about how you looked so good in his clothes, that he had to give them to you.

“Yeah, I think it’s somewhere in my closet,” you said. “Maybe… the second drawer,” you instructed, seeing he wasn't finding it.

He opened the drawer finding the sweatpants and the shirt. “Lucky me I gave you this,” he smiled, taking off his pants. You avoided his look. He decided to try again and ask you why you were sad. “So when are you gonna tell me why you’re sad?” he said, putting the sweatpants.

“Uh-hum… I just told you, no specific reason,” you lied again.

“You know I know you too well to believe in that, right?” he tried, taking his shirt off. He felt your eyes on him, and he bit his lips trying not to smile at your charmed expression. After a few seconds, he decided to cough to get your attention back. You looked at him, and he pressed his lips together, that smile still fighting to appear.

“I think it's that time of the month,” you finally said.

“Sure,” he rolled his eyes, knowing you were lying. He knew you had your period two weeks ago, cause he invited you to go to his house and you said no, cause you were on your period. He then sent you food and medicine. “Do you mind if I sleep shirtless?” he asked.

“No,” you said.

“Thanks,” he gave you a small smile, jumping on the bed. Tom felt the urge to hug you. He turned on his side, putting a hand on your waist, and leaning closer to you. You took a deep breath, and for a second he thought you were gonna say something. But instead, you turned your back to him. Tom felt his heart break a little. Those pictures really hurt you. He hurt you. “You know I would never hurt you on purpose,” he whispered. He was really sorry. He would give everything to go back in time, cancel that date and go talk to you, instead. Right now, if it was possible, he would take away all the sadness you were felling, and tell stupid stories until you laugh, that laugh that made you shrink your shoulders. Tom felt you relax in his arms, and your breath was calmer. He looked over your shoulder. You were sleeping. He hugged you tighter and kissed your neck.

~

Tom woke up with the noise of the door closing and the empty bed. He rubbed his eyes, sighing. He turned on the bed, looking for his phone. 3:07. He got up and left the room. The light on your kitchen was up, and he heard your muffled voice. “Who are you talking to?” he said, still a little confused from his sleep.

“Jesus!” you said, startled. “A warning would be good.”

“I’m sorry,” he chuckled, feeling his dry throat. He picked the glass that was in your counter, filling it with water. 

“I’m sorry I woke you up,” you said.

“No problem. Are you okay?” he asked, drinking the water. He was worried about you.

“Great,” you said, but your voice was sad. Tom was tired, his mind was weird and he felt his heart hurt. He couldn't handle this anymore.

“Can you stop lying to me?” he said, not being able to control his voice or the sudden urge to solve things.

“I-I’m not lying,” you lied and he noticed you couldn't even look at him.

“Are you serious?” he put the glass on the counter and tried to control his head.

“I’m s-sorry. I don’t know what you want me to say. I’m good… everything is good… I’m sad because…” you started, and he felt stupid for thinking you would tell the truth. “I don’t know. Maybe PMS or whatever,” you blurted out.

He was just tired. He felt his eyes and his throat burning. “Okay,” he laughed dryly. “So, tell me something…” he needed to see the truth in your eyes. “Why were you looking at pictures of me with a girl that I went out yesterday?” his voice was low. You flinched, still avoiding his eyes. “Tell me, Y/N,” he got closer. “Why were you in your 'sadness ritual’ looking at those pics?” he didn't understand why you didn't tell him what was really in your head. All he wanted, was for you to tell the truth. “Do you have something to tell me?” he asked, leaning on the counter. “Anna thinks you do. And Haz too,” he said.

“Tom I…” you started. “I…” his heart was beating so fast. You cleared your throat, and Tom tried to keep himself calm. “I think you should go,” you finally said.

He couldn't believe what he was hearing. “W-what?” he asked, confused.

“I really think you should go,” you repeated. “I need to be by myself tonight. I’m really not feeling okay and I need some time,” you pushed him away.

“I can’t believe you’re doing this,” he said, not hiding the hurt in his voice. You looked hurt too.

“Please…” you avoided his look.

“You know that this is not what you really want to say," he cried. He knew more than ever that you liked him. He didn't understand why you were doing this. "You know you’ll regret this. Don’t do this,” he pleaded, reaching for your arm but you pulled away. “Y/N.” he said.

“I don’t know what you want me to do,” you raised your voice. “Really? What do you want me to say?” you were struggling not to cry. “Do you want me to tell you what I felt when I saw the pictures of you with a girl you invited out and didn’t tell me about, God knows why," you said with hurt in your voice. He hurt you, more than he could imagine. He clenched his jaw, feeling his body tensed up. "Do you want me to tell you why I felt so sad that I had to do my 'sadness ritual’ to keep myself from screaming at you or broking my computer?” your voice was bitter. His nails were hurting his palms. “You know what I have to tell you. You can pretend you don’t know, you can mess around all you want, but you know that you are not ready to hear what I have to say,” you rubbed your eyes, holding your tears. “What I don’t know is why are you doing this?” you asked sincerely. “Why are you here? It looks like you have a good thing," you said referring to the girl he went out. "Go enjoy it and… let me be, please.”

Tom was feeling his head pounding. He couldn't take it anymore. “You don’t see it, do you?” he finally said. His voice was low. He felt tears falling.

“What? What I don’t see?” you asked.

“I don’t wanna be with nobody else," he finally confessed. "I’m trying to tell you this for the last year and you keep ditching me," he thought about every time you said you hated his lifestyle. All the times you said you wanted a normal guy. "You don’t listen to me,” his voice was sad. “I love you. I want you. Please, don’t make me go,” he said, feeling that was his last chance.

“You can’t say that one day after you went on a date with another girl,” you were hurt, and he felt the guilt eating him alive.

“Please, Y/N. Don’t do this,” he reached for your arm, pulling you closer.

“I love you, but I need some time to think,” you said without looking at him, and he felt that was the worst that could happen.

[apenapaperandadoofus]

Zen cheated on MC. She finds out and instead of crying her eyes out is getting drunk and calling Seven (which is madly in love with her but never told her because of her relationship with Zen).

Oop- here comes the heartbreak

I actually made one like this before, where the RFA cheats on MC and one of the characters comforts her if you want to also read that! :P

Heartbreak (angst with a happy ending, MC x Seven) :

You sat on the couch, holding a small object in your hands. You were tapping your foot impatiently, as you waited for Zen, your boyfriend to come home. You had to ask him something very important.

It was currently raining, and you focused on the sound of the drops hitting the ground, closing your eyes.

Then the front door opened.

“Babe~ Ahhh I’m sorry for being late! The director was just nagging my ear off. I’m really having a hard time working with him! He never gives me a break! But I’m happy I’m finally able to come home to my beautiful girlfriend, do you want to go and take a shower together?” He said, as he gave you a quick kiss on your forehead when you had walked over to talk to him.

“Zen.” You said.

“Hmm, what was that babe? Hey, I got these new masks that I want to try with you, why don’t you come over here and let me put them on you?!” Zen yelled from the bathroom.

“Zen.” You said again, this time louder.

“Ah fine, if you don’t want to put on the masks it’s cool, but I got this new cream that I really think we should try! I also got this new soap that I’ve been wanting to-”

“ZEN.”

Zen slowly came out of the bathroom, a puzzled look on his face and walked over to you.

“Hey...what’s wrong? We don’t have to use the cream if you don’t wan-”

“Hey. Do you remember why I don’t like wearing big earrings?” You asked.

Zen looked at you confused, and slowly answered.

“Because...last time you used one they kind of came off and hurt your ear. You were taking your shirt of when it got stuck and when you realized what had happened we had to go to the doctor. You were fine, thankfully but now you can’t wear any big earrings. Why? Did you forget? Or do you want to start wearing some of those again? Because if so babe we gotta ask the doctors fi-”

“Yea you’re right. I can’t wear those anymore and I have them all to Yoosung’s sister. Something very funny happened today, did you know? Since you were going to spend all your time at work I decided to clean this place up a bit. After all, coming back to a dirty home is awful! Well guess what? While I was cleaning under your bed I found so many things. Old pictures, some dust, letters. And then I found this earring.”

You showed Zen the earring, now dangling from your hand, and before he could say anything you laughed.

“Ahh you know, at first I thought that it was mine you know? But then I looked closely, and would you look at that! This is one of those really expensive earrings, I could never buy anything like this. And then I asked Jumin if he could tell me what store it was from and he helped me. Well guess what, a few days ago when you invited that friend of yours, Amelia or whatever her name was, she was talking about how much she liked this store, and that all her earrings were from there! Don’t you think it’s a little strange, Zen, that one of her earrings would suddenly up here, under our bed? Because last time I checked earrings don’t grow legs and walk over to apartments. So tell me the truth. How did her earring end up here.”

Zen slowly walked over to the couch and sat down, motioning for you to sit beside him. When he saw you wouldn’t move he sighed and ran a hand trough his hair.

“Y/N...before I say anything, I just want you to know that I love you. And only you. I-I was drunk, and you were too busy with work, and that one night you had to leave for about two weeks on that dumb business trip, I just couldn’t stand it. The director was treating me so poorly, and well, since you weren’t here...Amelie came over to comfort me and help me go over my lines. I-I want to be honest with you, so I won’t lie. We had a few beers, and well, before I knew it we...well. But it only happened one time, and I only did it because I missed you! You were gone for so long, and I was super stressed and-well...I’m sorry Y/N.”

Zen looked down, ashamed, and didn’t say anything else. You...you were speechless. Zen had cheated on you. He, he slept with another woman.

You bit your lip and quickly went to your room, and you locked the door since Zen had quickly followed behind you. You fell on the bed, and started sobbing, clutching the earring so tight in your hand that soon it started digging hard into you.

Zen banged the door and begged for his forgiveness, he was crying and everything, asking you to please open the door.

But you didn’t do anything. After a few minutes, when Zen has calmed down you slowly stood up and started packing your things. You sent Jaehee a quick text asking if you could stay over for a bit, and she hestitanly agreed. You took in a deep breath as you opened the door, your suitcase following behind you.

Zen was leaning on the wall with bloodshot eyes, a few cans of beers thrown around.

“Babe-” he started. You raised your hand a bit, motioning for him to stay quiet.

“Don’t call me that. We’re over. I don’t want you to text me, or call me or even follow me around. I want nothing to do with you anymore ok?! If you feel so sad why don’t you have your dear friend Amelie, or whatever her name is come and comfort you? Don’t ever come near me again.”

Before he could reply you went outside and closed the door with a bang, and then you went over to Jaehee’s house.

********

“Ahhh finally done with work! Madam Vanderwood, bring me some Honey Buddha chips to celebrate!!” Seven said, as he spun around in his chair and smiled.

“Ugh how many times do I have to tell you to not call me that? Besides go get those stupid chips yourself, I’m going out to take a break after babysitting you for a whole week. Seriously I didn’t sign up for this.” Vanderwood sighed and left the room, but not before begrudgingly throwing a bag of chips to Seven and glaring at him.

“Go and sleep, you’ve been working non-stop. Don’t call me.” And with that, Vanderwood left Seven’s home in a good mood, since now he finally had time to spend by himself.

Seven laughed dryly, but the smile he was wearing before quickly faded. He opened the can of chips and spun around in his chair, looking up at his office ceiling which had the galaxy drawn on it.

When Seven finished eating he went over to his computer and inserted a very important USB, checking some images for a bit. And then he sighed and turned his computer off. Slowly he made his way to his bedroom, were he plopped down on the bed. He had been working without resting for a whole week, and he pulled so many all-nighters. Normally he wouldn’t work that much, even Vanderwood commented on how surprised he was seeing him work.

But he was doing it as a distraction. He didn’t want to think or feel, he just wanted to be busy.

Seven fell in love with you shortly after you joined.

You would always joke around with him, or join him in teasing Yoosung or the other members. For the first time Seven felt truly...happy.

But the night he was going to confess he saw you talking with Zen. And before he could leave he saw you two kissing.

He left the party early.

Soon enough you and Zen told everyone that you were dating! And of course the RFA was happy for you, Seven congratulated you and everything. But deep inside, he fell his heart slowly break into more pieces.

Why did he think he’d ever have a chance with you? He was nothing compared to Zen...

But still...it made him sad.

He started hanging out with you less, since he still couldn’t get over his feelings for you. I mean, you both still talked on the phone and went to places, but not as often as before.

Seven sighed as he looked up at his ceiling, and he grabbed his phone unconsciously. Before he knew it he was checking if you were online, and he even started calling you...but it was currently 2am. You were probably sleeping with Zen cuddling beside you.

Seven felt a pang of jealousy as he threw his phone beside him along with his glasses, and laid face down, sighing.

He was slowly falling asleep when...

Huh? Someone was calling him.

Seven groaned, and was about to hang up when he saw your name on the screen. He quickly stood up and grabbed his glasses, putting them on messily.

“Y/N?” He asked. And then he cleared his throat, his voice thick with sleep. “Ehem- why are you calling me this late? Are you alright?”

“Seeeeeveeeeennnnn!!!” You giggled. “I-I just saw a girl dancing on her undies on a table haha, it was funny, I don’t know how she d-didn’t freeze to death! Hey-hey Seven lis-listen to me. You are a wonderful human being, and I love you s-so much. And-and....”

Saeyoung was confused. Were you drunk?

But then you sniffled and continued.

“Z-Z-Zen che-cheated on m-m-me... with this bitch, named Am-Ameeeee, Ame something! And she had a really pretty earring but she suckzzzzz, and, and...Seven I’m really sad. And sleepy oomph-”

Saeyoung stood up and looked for his shoes, panicking a bit.

“Y/N? Y/N?! Zen cheated on you?! And what happened are you ok?! Y/N, I’m coming for you alright, I’m tracking your phone, but I need you keep talking to me so I know you’re ok!”

Seven quickly went to the garage and got into one of his cars, and he let out a sigh of relief as he heard you giggle.

“I’m-I’m fineeee Seven. I just-I just- pftt I think I fell into this brush. Wait did I say brush, hahahah, no I mean bushhh, like those thinfies yea. A bush haha, that’s funny.”

Thankfully you were somewhere very near, and Seven found you stumbling around in the dark. He quickly made his way to you and helped you stand up.

He stumbled a bit, as the smell of alcohol made its way up to his nose. He felt the need to barf, to run, but he couldn’t leave you there. Not in this state.

Seven helped getting you in the car, and as he drove...well, he was driving to Zen’s place, but when he asked it you were ok with that...you sobbed and shook your head.

“Z-Zen... Zen cheated on me. And I, I don’t want to see his stupid face ever again! He was such an asshole! So please bring me somewhere else...”

Seven agreed, and after a few more moments of silence, he looked at you from the corner of his eye.

“Y/N, where are you staying?” He asked.

“Mmhm. I was with-with Jaehee. But I didn’t want to bother her so I went to a bar nearby. And then I think I...I think I called a taxi. I just remember wanting to see you....actually I’m really tired now so I’m going to sleep. Night night.” You slowly closed your eyes, and soon enough you were sleeping deeply.

When Saeyoung got to his home, since it was closer he got out from the car and opened the other door, ready to carry you, but then he stopped. You were crying, a sad expression covering your face. And Seven just...he felt so...sad. He gently unbuckled your seat belt and carried you bridal style to his home.

Seven let you sleep on his bedroom, since the other one he had was bare and very cold. He figured he’d sleep on the couch that night, but as he was about to leave his room you quickly grabbed his shirt and pulled it.

“S-Seven...p-p-please don’t, don’t leave. D-don’t leave me.” You sniffed.

Seven was about to refuse, but he saw your eyes, pleading for him to stay with you.

And so he did.

That night Seven held you tight, patting your head and trying his best to comfort you. The next morning when you had to vomit, he was the one holding your hair for you. He was also the one to give you some pills for your headache.

The next thing he did, while you took a shower, was to comfort Jaehee to tell her that you had made it to his home, safe. Once Jaehee had calmed down, he called Zen.

“Listen to me because I’m only going to say this once. I don’t want you to go near Y/N ever again. And if you try doing anything I will make sure your career is over. Zen....why did you do that to her? She was always there by your side, she choose you, she choose you instead of everyone else, why did you betray her like that?!....Don’t even try to make up excuses. Listen. I. I have no other choice, but I’m banning you from the RFA chatroom. You’ve hurt Y/N deeply, and I know you won’t stop bothering her until she for some reason decided to get back together with you. And don’t even try to call her or message her, I’ve hacked her phone so she won’t get anything from you anymore. Don’t come near her again. Goodbye.”

And so he hung up. Seven was...he was sad. Pissed. He was so, so, pissed. Zen was his friend, and to think that he’d ever do something like that to you?

It made his blood boil.

When you got out of the shower and put one of Seven’s shirts, he walked over to you and sat beside you on the bed.

“How do you feel?” He whispered.

You sighed. “I-I don’t know. Sad. Angry. I-I just...why would he do that? Was I not enough?”

Seven shook his head, and moved a strand of hair away from your face.

“Y/N. You didn’t do anything wrong. This was all Zen’s fault. He couldn’t learn to appreciate the wonderful person he had in front of him. Don’t blame youself.”

You stayed with Seven for a while. Slowly, he helped you feel better, since after the breakup you felt super depressed and anxious.

If you wanted to cry he would lend his shoulder. If you were angry and wanted to let out your anger he would let you be mad at him.

But as time passed you began to...feel happier.

Everyday you spent with Seven made you feel better. Sure, you both had your ups and downs, but slowly the both of you helped healing each other.

One night Seven confessed that he had always loved you. And he told you about his brother, the agency, everything. You helped him realize that he was allowed to feel, to fall in love. To be happy too.

A few months later, Saeyoung asked you out. Of course, only if you were ready but you reassured him that yes, you wanted to be with him.

Saeyoung made sure you never ever felt heartbreak like that again. And he worked hard so Zen would never go near you. The whole RFA was extremely disappointed in him. Jumin was also there for you the whole time and he comforted you in his own way. Jaehee and Yoosung were extremely disappointed, since the both of them had honestly looked up to Zen.

But in the end, you managed to find happiness again, with Saeyoung. He reminded you all the time that he loved you, and soon enough he proposed!

You said yes, and the rest of your days were filled with happiness and joy.

[the-fandom-is-now-my-life]

Heracles Human (s/o) Relationship?

Heracles Human (s/o) Relationship?

I have nothing to say for myself. it's kinda short because I doubt that Heracles had visited the human world often, and even if he did the reader might have already died 

You both met when you were still kids. Befriending him and castor. Helping Heracles get stronger 

"So you don't see much of an improvement when doing push-ups anymore?..."

"Yes"

"And you want me to sit on your back?"

"Exactly"

"Are you conscious about the fact that having one person in your back is quite heavy. Aren't you?"

"Don't worry! I already did this with castor! I just thought that you would be heavier"

"..."

"..."

"Please don't talk to me again"

"D':"

Everything was the same routine until ares attacked Thebes and Heracles gave up on his humanity to keep castor and you safe. 

"Even if this is our last day together. I like you. I like like you (y/n). Castor please look after them" he raised a fist "my last favor."

And he left before you could say a single word. You grow into your golden age, your prime if you must, but a sickness befalls you, no doctor knew what you had bringing you to your tragic end, leaving behind friend like castor who feels like he failed the last wish of his friend. 

All you feel is cold and all you can see is dark. Suddenly it all snapped into a loud and shiny room. a gremlin looking thing starts yelling from a tall plataform in the middle of the room " okey you dirty humans, you have the privilege of having me today as your coordinator. I will be naming all of you and you will sit in the stadium chairs as I say" it unfolds a long list before coughing" ok! First one! 00000000000002, Eve, there you go…" the lists seemed to be never ending. After what it felt like decades and all the person that in the room left leaving only the gremlini and you in the room

"Excuse me, you didn't call my name"

"Eh?, Then tell me your name"

"(Y/N) (L/N)"

"Ah… you are the one who Heracles wanted to see. Follow me."

You follow him for long hallways and tall doorframes. Stoping in front of one with the shape of a Lion's head in its knocker.

"Heraaaaacles!"

"I don't care it's my turn! I won't fight till I meet them"

"Here you have your beloved-"

 The door suddenly opens up letting see the tall Heracles whose face lights up at your sight. grabbing you by your arm and dragging you inside cutting the gremling in the middle of its speech.

"Little (y/n)! Now your name is really befitting I have to look down to see you! You are going to make me have stiff neck!" Said Heracles hugging you tight against his chest when suddenly he jumps away from you " stop you remember me, don't you?"

"Are you the dim witted boy who said I was heavier than a boy? I won't forget you"

"Little (Y/n)!" You swear you can feel him crying again your shoulder when he hugs you again.

"(Y/N) do you know what is happening right now?" You shake your head " the gods decides to eliminate the humankind. But sister Brun stood up for them, for you. I know it sounds strange but it's true. We have fixed fight against humanity's strongest men I will be fighting as one of the gods representants  against one of the most strong human. Do you remember  what I said when I left? I still feel the same for you, I don't care if you feel the same or if you don't but I want you to know that if I lose my live there I will be happy because my death will keep you a step away from death"  

" Heracles I like like you too! I just got to be with you again don't leave me alone now" 

"I promise, as long as I have breath in me I will make it here where we can start again"

Heracles: I said that. But then I died!  :D

You stayed there. Looking at the fight trough a screen Heracles had. You saw everything, from the moment hos hand got cut off to the moment he died

Heracles: even if I die I love humanity. Because it gave me the person I love the most. Good bye (Y/N) sorry for dying. Sorry for letting you down. Please hate me, it will make it all feel better

You felt your tears pool in your eyes. Even if you were sad you could hate him for dying for mankind sake. You kept crying until something tug your hair. Turning around you found a baby with the same characteristical red hair of Heracles, that baby also had his same eyes, same face, same everything.  Some maids rushed in the room as soon as they could stoping in their tracks as soon as they saw you, looking at each other as they left you with some baby necessities.

Was this little baby the big Heracles you knew? How do you take care of a god baby? When I run out this who I ask for more? Question ate you away. Only stoping to the doors sound, finding a skeletony old man and a butler like man at his side

" Aw, I see Heracles found himself a caretaker."

"If I'm not wrong they should be (Y/N) (L/N)" 

" Aah, the young love ~"

You are Explained the situation by the butler man who called himself Hermes. Heracles will grow into the same the only thing he needed was time like any normal human child.

" I think you should stay as his caretaker. Heracles seems a bit fond of you"

You try teaching him at the best of your ability  about fairness and justice. But one day when Heracles is 14 he falls down to the floor, burning a fever. What should you do, let him burn his sickness out?, call Hermes?, ask someone to make something to make a remedy for him? You aren't sure. Running around the hallways you find Hermes talking to a lower god you couldn't care less, Heracles was sick,he was in pain. 

Even if it relaxed you to know that nothing will happen to Heracles it still hurt to know that he was in pain, the only thing you could do was hug him tightly. When you felt him hugging you back and relaxing you let yourself sleep for once after days of forcing yourself to stay up. 

"Ptsss, (y/n) are you up?"

" Mhmjvcb 10 minutes more pleasee"

"Ok... you know (y/n)? I think I don't only like like I think I love you, my little (y/n)" 

"I love you too, my big lion"

[imagine-korea]

I wish I knew how - Kim Namjoon

Hey darling. I want to be honest with you, I kind of put this one off. I went trough the same, and a friend of mine is still going trough it. So knowing how difficult this is, I was afraid of writing a story around it. Because I don't want to trigger anything, or somehow give people ideas. But hoping it might help someone I finally put myself to writing it anyway. I didn't go very much into detail though. I hope you enjoy still.

Love, hugs and always here ~ Hyejin

Pairing: RM x Reader (gender neutral)

Genre: Angst/Fluff

Word count: 

Warnings: mention of selfharm and eating disorder

*Remember, everything is an AU* 

He had noticed, of course he had. He had seen the way you looked at food, as if it were poison. He noticed your growling stomach and your silent winces as you made a wrong movement. He noticed how weak you had been lately.

And he hated that he was too busy to take care of you properly. Now he was coming back from tour an had a month long break, and he decided he would spend it with you. He had asked if you were okay with him staying over during the break. Naturally you agreed.

"Honey, you barely have any food in the house. He called from the kitchen. "Oh, right. I still needed to go to the store." you answered from your spot in the Livingroom. "Let's go together." He stood in the doorframe and you gave him a puzzled look. "Are you sure that's alright?" You asked worried. "It will be fine, come on, let's go." He threw your coat towards you and the both of you were off to the small store near your house.

The two of you walked comfortably along the isles, your cart filled with colour. "Wow, you really eat healthy, don't you." You chuckled as you had barely put anything in the cart yourself. "Yeah I need to stay in shape and healthy." He nodded "And on top of that, it's just really tasty. I'll cook for you tonight, you'll see." He smile was radiating a sense of comfort and you nodded back at him.

He was right. You hadn't eaten that much in a long time but it was so tasty and you didn't even feel bad. While he cooked, he explained what he had learned about food. It wasn't much and he wasn't super gifted at cooking either. But it warmed your heart to see him try so hard.

A week passed and Namjoon was visually trying hard to take care of you. You're so important to him and he made sure you knew that.

-

"I see you're not dieting anymore." You smiled as he stuffed his face with ramyun. The two of you were watching movies, seated on the floor with a heap of pillows and blankets. "No, I am still trying to stay in shape." He nodded, "but one cup of ramyun isn't going to set me back. The only thing that can set me back is not eating it or giving up afterwards. Because then I'll just go too far and gain twice as much when I quit eating healthy." He stated matter of fact, still staring at the television. You frowned at his words. You had never seen progress using a steady diet, or just eating healthy, but he made it seem so simple while still having the things he loves. You hadn't been obsessing as much about your food while he was here, but you were visually loosing weight. And just by eating healthy at that, just in smaller portions than his. At first you thought it was your imagination playing sick tricks, but his words echoed trough your head.

-

One evening he and the boys had planned to go out. "You sure you'll be alright?" He asked as he was getting ready. "Of course Joon, I survived you being on tour, I'll survive this." You giggled, pecking his cheek. He pulled you back in just as soon as you pulled away. Meeting your lips with his in a lingering kiss. "There's some leftovers in the fridge, so you don't need to worry about making dinner. Just relax, enjoy yourself. I'll be back tonight." He kissed your forehead before he disappeared trough the front door.

You sat yourself down in front of your laptop. Your bowl of reheated leftovers in hand as you scrolled trough social media. You hadn't done that much since Namjoon was with you, so you wondered what was new. But your face turned to a self-conscious frown the more you scrolled. All the idols on your screen looked so perfect, there had been a lot of talk of the crash diets many of them had been following lately. Even Hwasa from mamamoo (the thicc goddess) had been loosing weight. You looked at your barely touched food and back at your laptop. You let out a defeated sigh, setting your bowl in the kitchen and going back to the Livingroom. You turned on the television to watch a movie, fighting the urge to do anything else. But to no avail.

There you were, on the bathroom floor. Proof of your bad habit clear before his eyes as Namjoon had just arrived. His face didn't seem judging, angry not even shocked. He let out a sad sigh as he came to sit next to you. You hugged your knees, not daring to glance in his direction. "I wish I could have stopped this." He stated "I wish you could see what I see. The beauty you are, how amazing you are, how precious you are to me." He took you in his arms, taking care of you like he always would, like he always does. "I want to help you Y/N, I want you to be healthy. I just wish I knew how." His voice sounded strained as he was on the verge of crying himself. The both of you sobbed on the bathroom floor. A decision had to be made, he was sure of that.

You needed help. And there was no shame in it. And you were not alone. He would be there every step of the way. So would your family, so would your friends. Because you're so amazing, and he would do anything to let you see that.

♥ Thanks for reading!  ♥

masterlist

Just a small afternote. The KPOP-community is often not a good one to be in when you suffer from self esteem issues and eating disorders. Because it surrounds you with practically impossible body-goals and crash diets. I wish anything I could say or do could help you. I just see how beautiful everyone is and yet they are so insecure. I hope you're healthy and are able to see how beautiful you are. 

Healthy is the most sexy ;) - Ohmyvenus

~ Hyejin