#a few days later my mum told me she had sold it to someone else and took my Ricky Montgomery awayyy

[lonely--seeker]

My mom bought the ugliest ass little freak of a 3D printed alien, just because. It's supposed to be like, one of those phone holder thingies.

[openingpandorasbox1]

DAYS OF THUNDER

DAYS OF THUNDER

My Movie Blog

               Once upon a time ago I used to have a thing for Tom Cruise. I think everyone had a thing for Tom Cruise in the 80s and maybe the early 90s. He became popular after appearing in Risky Business, Cocktail and Top Gun and was considered one of the sexiest actors. I still like some of his movies but I don’t know why I’m not into him anymore, maybe my taste in men has matured or maybe it’s the whole Scientology thing.

               I remember when I was young the film Risky Business was on television and I taped it onto a VHS video and I would watch it often. One day my brother taped over it with something else (I can’t remember what it was). I was so upset and almost crying. Today I don’t own a copy of the movie, so  you could say that I’m over it.

               Years ago I used to go to this same sandwich shop every week at this little shopping centre in town. There was this lady who would see me and would call me Rebecca De Mornay and told me they thought I looked like her. They asked me, “Do you know she is?” I said yes and told them I have seen her in the movie Risky Business. I personally don’t think I look like Rebecca De Mornay at any stage of my life but I didn’t mind them saying that I look like her (it could be worse).

               I still had this thing for Tom Cruise when Days of Thunder came out, I think this was around this time he started dating Australian actress Nicole Kidman. Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise both appeared in this film. My brother was into cars and kept scrapbooks of cars when he was a kid and as an adult he would go to car shows and take photos of cars and make photo albums with lots of car photos in it. When this film was at the movie theatre it was around the same time as my birthday, so my brother and I went to see the film. After the movie as we were leaving all these other people who also saw the movie were driving around like maniacs like they were racing car drivers. They were speeding and behaving irrational on the road. It scared us both.

               I still like Tom Cruise movies, I enjoyed Steven Spielberg’s remake of War of the Worlds. I also like the Mission: Impossible franchise. The worst film Tom Cruise has been in had to be that Irish movie he made with Nicole Kidman, that movie was just awful.

               A few years later my brother got a tumour and we later found out he had cancer and over time he became frail and sick. He was still able to go out a bit and drive his car. My brother couldn’t eat so he had to drink these milkshake things they were a bit like protein shakes. Before he gave up driving he enjoyed drinking milkshakes from this shop at Penrith Plaza (Penrith Westfield) so we both went down to the shops so he could get his favourite milkshake. My brother was extremely skinny, he had always been skinny but he had lost a lot of weight. His neck was swollen due to the tumor in his throat. He only had a tiny bit of hair because he had lost most of it from the chemotherapy which had left him sick. He would always wear a blue beanie. When we were out in public some people treated him just like a normal person, but there were some people who would walk past him and give him dirty looks and there were others who would snigger at him while looking at him. The way my brother looked was the least of his concerns and shouldn’t have been anyone else’s concern. He couldn’t help the way he looked, he had cancer. Some people were so ignorant and rude. Some people would have known he had cancer just by looking at him; perhaps they had gone through a similar experience with someone they had known. My brother got worse he had to give up driving, sometimes my mum would take him down for his favourite milkshake. He got worse and frailer so he couldn’t really go out much anymore. My brother died about 4 or 5 years after Days of Thunder was released. I can’t remember what happened to my brother’s car I think they sold it.

[parchmentedpetrichor]

➳the girl in the lilac dress ♠ ♡

in which y/n meets fred's ex-girlfriend, days after fred confessed his love for her. there's still some confusion on the status of their relationship. angst -> fluff. narrated by you, y/n l/n.

fred weasley x fem!reader

word count: ±5.4k

tw: angst (not too bad though), mean words, blood, mentions of auror missions, kidnapping, needles, st mungo's

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ft. hermione, lee and alicia

I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you

I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you

the girl in the lilac dress

i was in a good mood. on the way to work to receive my mission, i was humming a song that had just come out. it was catchy and worth the wait.

out of the corner of my eye, a lilac colour appeared suddenly. strange, i thought. it approached me, in the form of a beautiful woman. she had the lightest grey eyes and the smoothest milky-white skin, and the shiniest locks of dark brown hair. she walked in a flowy lilac gown, her slim model-like body walking in a model-like fashion.

i was pretty sure she wasn't headed towards me, but when her luxurious voice said "good morning" in the calmest tone possible to me, i looked at her confusedly.

"hi!" i replied brightly, smiling.

she smiled sinisterly, "my name is pretoria aphrodite, i'm fred's ex-girlfriend."

he hadn't ever mentioned an ex, but i knew he had dated quite a few people. she made me seem like a glass of water next to a glass of red wine, naive and ugly. i was those two things anyway.

"oh! i'm y/n l/n! nice to meet you, you do seem like a daughter of aphrodite," i said politely.

"darling, all women are daughters of aphrodite. i understand fred's interested in you?"

she observed me and i laughed.

"i don't think that's quite the word. he's my best friend."

"friends with benefits?"

"oh gosh no! i don't really know where we stand, honestly."

"bitter about it?"

i thought for a second, "nah, i couldn't be. love's a hard thing."

"it is, indeed, and you work for the ministry?"

i nodded, "head of the auror office. what about you?"

"i model for witch weekly."

i gasped, "you're the p. aphrodite? i should've known!"

"big fan?" she looked amusedly at me.

"my friends are, so naturally i am."

"you don't seem the type fred usually goes for."

"i wouldn't say he's even going for me," i said cautiously.

"you are much too cutesie for his type."

i glanced up at her. she was smiling kindly.

"pfft, but better cutesie than nothing, amirite?" i asked friendlily, "well it's been nice to talk with you, but i gotta hurry!"

"no worries, i'll come with you, i have some business at the ministry too. have you seen his past exes?"

"uhh, not really?"

"well they're all models for one magazine or another."

"oh, okay. and that's important because...?" i asked her carefully.

"i just thought you should know."

i laughed, "i'm not model material, am i? i don't mind at all."

she looks taken aback. "i would say, with longer hair," she plucked a hair out of my poor mess of locks, "and a shorter upper body, with perhaps lip fillers, you'd look model-like."

her tone was analysing and not at all attacking.

"only three things??" i asked, shocked.

"you are rather... pretty already," she mused, "not model-like, but cute."

we had reached the ministry.

"thanks, see you later!" she waved and disappeared.

all that was left was a buzzing fly which soon flew away.

i immediately dialled in my auror code in the red telephone box and was sent into hermione granger's office.

"'mione! how good to see you!" i hugged her.

"hello y/n!"

in the ministry and the auror department, the head of the auror office was probably more important than the minister for magic. i didn't know why. she had brought me a cup of hot chocolate.

"thanks, 'mione, you didn't need to. what's the mission today?"

"two babies are being held hostage in a coded location by a person who calls themselves the light lord. dark lord, light lord, y'know?" she handed me a coded piece of parchment.

i thoughtfully pondered, "the light lord. who do you need?"

"i was hoping you go on this mission, then you could give me some news on this light lord person."

"that's doable. we'll need to bring in hepole and a ministry official to negotiate passports and such. and a strong auror team."

"right on it. i'll get wally becker and charlotte-ann becker. they're a force to be reckoned with on the borders."

"how much experience?"

"they're twins, been doing this for about fifty years now."

"perfect. and hepole?"

"on the way."

"thanks, minister," i winked at her, getting out my telephone and dialling the disguise unit.

"hello, poplinn speaking."

"pop, we need a few disguises. light lord."

"miss l/n! o-of course!"

"and pop?"

"y-yeah?"

"call me y/n."

i hung up, dialling harry's office.

"harry, call draco and be in my office in ten minutes. i don't care what business he's doing with scorpius, we've got babysitters here. light lord, perhaps a second of voldemort."

"of course."

i picked up the ringing phone that was in the corner of hermione's office.

"y/n, me and scorpy are having a zoo day, we're at the muggle zoo you suggested."

"sorry dray, but it's important."

"there's no one else?"

"there are others, but we need your expertise."

there was a pause, "i won't need to show my dark mark?"

"it's fading anyway. no."

"i'll be paid?"

"in hundreds."

"how old are the children?"

"2 and 4," hermione said.

the silence told me he was sold.

"i'll be there."

i picked up the big microphone and said, "auror unit 156 to the brief room. no need to bring anything. see you there!"

"good luck," hermione grimly said, "be safe, head."

"mhm and cup o' coffee tomorrow? if i survive, that is," i grinned.

"'course."

i smiled, "c'ya!"

she was shaking her head.

"oi, no disappointment, 'mione! i was the one who got the ministry out of paperwork!"

"burning paper doesn't count, y/n."

"it wasn't burning paper, hermione granger, it was arson."

"no, it was the saddest form of arson i've ever seen."

"hey! that's rude."

"just go on your mission already."

i laughed, "on it, minister. kalle?"

kalle looked at me, "yes?"

"tell miss minister to take a break and play a game or something, will you?"

she smiled, "okay."

"give my thanks to your mother too, loved the cookies!"

"alright, good luck, head!"

"thanks, bye!"

i apparated to the brief room, where everyone was strapped into special camouflage clothes.

i handed hepole the parchment and immediately began briefing the unit, harry and draco, on the mission.

"please be safe out there. if you're injured, apparate or travel back here, okay?"

i looked at hepole.

he cleared his throat, "they're in albania. the forest there."

"okay. harry and draco will provide attacking forces," the two nodded.

"i want lopex, quentin blake, quentin grill and hilly to break into any establishment," i say to the team, "and eron, hawks, melv, argonas to hold the offender hostage. johnathan, team healer as always. i'll take the children. hepole, you come and accompany us till the forest, then you have my permission to stay back, and beckers, stay invisible with the cloak, write a report for the minister when you come back, understand? have faith, team! i believe in you. we travel by apparition with the machine in three minutes. call your family, chat, have a snack, drink some water, and relax."

i picked up my telephone and dialled my parents.

"hi mum, dad, i'm going on a mission!"

"alright, be safe sweetie," my mum called.

"yeah, don't die kiddo," my dad added.

"right right, i love you, bye!"

the mission was successful. we rescued the children and sent the kidnapper to trial for azkaban. i escaped with a gash on my forearm, but quickly fixed it up with a spell. it ended late in the evening, so the team healer had gone home. the wound kept opening again, but i wasn't sure if it needed stitches.

putting everything away and making sure the aurors were okay, i headed back to the apartment i shared with fred.

i felt emotionally and physically drained, ready to enjoy a good shower and a good late dinner.

when i fiddled with the key to the door and opened it, my heart absolutely stopped.

pretoria aphrodite was kissing fred passionately. i felt my heart fall ten thousand flights of stairs in disappointment. of course. i was all a rebound who was pathetically in love with him.

when they stopped and saw me, pretoria smirked and fred stood up, astounded.

"uhh, continue? sorry," i apologised awkwardly.

"wait, y/n, it's not what it looks like-" he said.

"i don't mind, be safe," i smiled, too tired and too weak to do anything, closing the door and feeling tears well up in my eyes as i took my bag and myself somewhere. anywhere away from this all. my wound burned. i cursed under my breath as i made my way to st mungo's.

"y/n, you should have come here earlier!" yvonne, my friend, says, as she slowly injects a needle into me, "it's infected! and it needs stitches."

i laughed, "everything needs stitches. this is why i didn't become a healer, yvonne."

she shook her head in dismay.

"lol."

i watched the needle go in.

then she stitched the bloody mess of a wound up, cleaning it gently.

"now i can't stay, y/n," i pouted, "no, don't give me that face, i have other patients."

i nodded, "thanks yvonne."

"no problems. take care. you're too reckless."

"am not!"

she laughed. "that's funny."

after the trip to st mungo's which was pretty short, i wondered what to do. my mind kept floating to the scene i had just witnessed.

i was just the stupid, stupid, girl he used as a rebound. he didn't even use me as a real rebound, just someone who was simply infatuated with him to help him forget his unforgettable ex.

looking at a shop window, i caught a glimpse of myself. i hated being insecure but it happened.

i looked ugly. eyes too small, nose too big, lips not full enough. my thighs touched and i didn't have abs. i had a long gash running down my forearm, surrounded by other cuts. my hair was messy and disgusting. compared to the angel on earth pretoria was, i was nothing. small and plain was nothing when luxurious and beautiful was present.

and it hurt. my heart hurt. my head hurt.

i shook my head gently of my thoughts, chuckling bitterly.

fred weasley was completely and utterly out of my league.

whatevs, i thought. hurting was fine.

deciding to get over him once and for all, i bought some groceries and apparated to the doorstep of lee and alicia's glamorous cottage.

i knocked twice on the door. "hellooo!" i called out.

"baby, can you get that?" lee asked alicia.

alicia opened the door, smiling as she saw me.

"hey ali!"

"hi! come in!"

at first glance i could tell she knew something wrong.

"can i sleep here tonight? and take a shower? and eat some of your food please guys? and maybe steal a shirt i left here for safekeep? and maybe use your telephone? i'm really sorry for troubling you, so i got you guys snacks."

i was the second cousin by marriage of lee. it was good overall, but he was super naughty.

"snacks?"

"your favourites."

"then i guess you can," he said cheekily and i laughed.

"alicia, i don't know how or why you ended up with this child, but i'm glad you did," i told her and she laughed heartily.

"he's cute, isn't he?"

"no," i quickly stepped into the guest bedroom and took a long shower, letting a few tears slip but not enough so that it looked like it. i was subtle.

i bundled up in heavy clothing and wrapped my hair in a towel.

gingerly, i bandaged the wound.

by the snores in the other room, lee was asleep. i crept out quietly, going to cook something.

alicia was sitting down, with my favourite comfort meal prepared. i felt tears of appreciation well up in my eyes.

"thank you, ali, i love you."

"you damn well do."

we both giggled.

"what happened?" she asked me.

"nothing. i just wanted a change."

"from fred? liar. i'll ask again. what happened, y/n?"

"just a long mission, that's all."

"after long missions you usually watch movies with fred."

"couldn't i visit my best friend and my cuz?"

"you visit us on weekends. it's a friday."

"well i wanted to visit you!"

"bullshit."

"is it that hard to believe?"

"what the fuck did fred do to you?"

"nothin'?"

"c'mon y/n, you have to tell me. there's a reason why you didn't go to angie and george's tonight."

"i went here because they're super kissy. you guys have space and act normally. i appreciate that."

"you're awesome at lying."

"i'm not lying!"

"does this happen to involve pretoria aphrodite?"

i nodded, sighing, "she's so nice and pretty." i played with my food.

"i bumped into her. she's pretty, but not nice."

"oh?"

"she called me fiercely ugly. she forgot i model for witch weekly too."

"what did you say back?"

"i told her to fuck off."

i laughed, "she was very nice to me. but next time i see her imma kill her."

"of course she was nice to you, you're a lil angel! anyway, she's an animagus, didya know?"

"whoa how did you know?"

"caught her in a jar. she's a fly. who do you think told hermione to catch rita skeeter in the jar?"

i laughed, "rita skeeter is a beetle! gosh, she's annoying."

"what did fred and pretoria do?"

"nothing."

"please tell me?"

"they-" i swallowed, "they were kissing, and so i came here because i didn't wanna watch anymore."

"hang on, he told you he loved you a few days ago?"

i nodded.

"that doesn't seem right."

i shrugged, "pretoria's better than me. i don't blame him."

"his mother would kill him!"

i shrugged again, "i don't think he was legit when he said that."

"molly weasley, y/n!"

"look, he can explain it to you, i don't even wanna hear it. the first stage of mourning is denial, they say."

"doesn't mean it's good."

"denial is awesome. it's ignorance, but you choose to be stupid. i'm already so stupid!" i groaned, covering my face with my hands, "so so so so so so so stupid, foolish, dumb, and i don't want you to tell me i'm not because i know i am. pathetic."

i gobbled down the rest of the meal, "ths 's delicous," i said, swallowing, "g'night!"

"don't be afraid to let it all out."

"yeah."

i shut the door softly, before brushing my teeth and collapsing exhaustedly on the bed, nodding off quickly.

the next day, i woke at 4am, and put on new clothes, apparating to the phone box and filling out paperwork for the missions yesterday.

i joined hermione quickly, handing her a cappucino and sipping my mocha.

"court sitting this early?" she asked me.

i nodded, "mistake of sirius black, now they do all court sittings within 24 hours of arrest."

"that's smart."

"yeah. it's good. he's obviously guilty right? just a dust of veritaserum to bring it all out?"

"i reckon he'll just confess."

"criminals don't go down easily."

"you guys did a spotting job. the children were unharmed."

"are they here today?"

"they're in st mungo's. being monitored."

"parents?"

"dead."

"oh gosh, those poor children. what's going to happen to them?"

"someone's adopting them, wally becker and his wife."

"that's awesome."

the court hushed as we entered the room. hermione and i shared amused glances and began the sitting.

he was found to be guilty and was chucked in azkaban.

"what an idiot, sending a message like that."

"yup," i chuckled, "what with hepole in our ministry, they never escape."

we laughed.

"how's everything with ron?" i asked her.

"i don't know if he's still into me?"

i almost laugh at her statement, "bro. of course he is."

"i never see him."

"then see him more!"

"how? i'm so busy!"

"busy enough for ron?" we both took sandwiches from the canteen lady with courteous smiles and words.

we sat down at the cafeteria.

"i guess not, but he's busy!"

"busy enough for you?"

"i guess not."

"'xactly."

"but he might not wanna go on a date."

"why? the boy's obsessed with you, 'mione!"

the aurors and ministry workers looked at us in fear as i rose up. i chuckled.

i immediately skipped over to the telephone, putting in the WWW's number.

"y/n! what on earth are you doing?" hermione said in a panicked tone.

"nothing to be worried 'bout."

"hello?" it was george. i thanked the heavens for that.

"yolo george, give the phone to your lil bro please."

"'kay."

hermione was gaping at me. i smirked at her.

"y/n?"

"hey ron, i want you to meet me in rosemary park at 5pm today."

"o-okay."

"could you also bring hermione's favourite snacks and wear an extra jumper?"

"what? why?"

"i'm curious, that's all," i said, "see you there!"

"is that y/n?" i heard fred's voice.

"nup, it isn't," i replied.

and with that, i hung up.

"hey 'mione?"

she was glaring at me, "what."

"meet me at rosemary park at 5pm?" i batted my eyelashes at her, before bursting out in laughter.

she laughed, "i love you."

"pfft, love ya too. you really are too careful. like he would reject you."

"what do you think i should wear?"

"let's go off work early today, at 3," i suggested, "we're both on top of our work anyway."

"okay! you wanna go now?"

"it's 11?"

"yeah!"

"alrighty! kalle!"

kalle turned to us, "yes?"

"hi! me and minister are going out to talk about the mission."

"alright, bye."

we apparate to hogsmeade.

"what theme do you wanna go for?"

"hmm," she thought for a second, "floral!"

"alrighty!" i fumbled for my cell phone and dialled the WWW's again.

"hello?" it was fred this time.

"heyo freddie," i said to him like nothing had ever happened, "tell ron to dress up at 5 pm in something cute but not too out there, preferably in florals or somethin', and he better bring me hermione's favourite flowers."

"wha? if he's going with you then- ohhhh."

"thanks, bye."

"wait!"

"mhm?"

"can we talk?"

"erm- about what exactly?"

"everything."

i sighed, "later, okay? i'm out with hermione and you've got work."

"okay. have a good time, lovely."

"you too."

i was utterly confused. here he was one day kissing pretoria, and now he was calling me lovely?

what the hell was going on?

"let's go, mione!"

we went and bought her a pretty pink dress with white lilies adorning it. it was cute and definitely casual, sort of like a sundress.

"what if he doesn't come?" hermione chewed on her lip.

"hermione jean granger, we both know that ron is absolutely definitely a thousand times head over heels in love with you. he wouldn't ditch you for the world! and look at you! anyone can see he's lucky to have you! you both are star-crossed. when has he ever ever ditched you?"

"with lav brown."

"lavender, she's, she's dead, hermione," i said carefully, "fenrir greyback bit her to death. it was a tragic, heroic, death. she was listed in the extended casualties sent to my office a few months after the battle. i think she's watching down on us from wherever she is up there."

"she's dead?"

"yeah," i replied sadly, "life is so short."

"yeah."

"what i'm tryna say, is that that might've happened, but it won't happen again now that he knows you love him and he loves you. understand?"

"yeah."

"and love him well, for the sake of lavender brown."

"for the sake of lavender brown," she said, smiling.

"yup, now, light lord. his name is actually pont knight."

"pont knight?"

"former assistant of me."

"pont knight?"

"yeah, i know right."

"how did he go again?"

"oh, i fired him," i laughed.

"why?"

"smart guy but terribly lazy and he kept asking for promotions! like please do something if you want money."

"interesting."

"he moved to eastern europe to chase after the trendiness of the islands. i think it was just an excuse. he's changed. he used to be clean-shaven and have the blondest hair."

"do you think he did anything else?"

"we did put him on veritaserum, right?"

"yeah, but it's illegal to put someone on it for more than 10 minutes now in court sittings."

"we could go visit him in azkaban later? i'll take gregir."

"yeah, maybe tomorrow or the day after?"

i nodded, "'course. today is a rest day for the aurors right?"

she nodded, "yeah, half of the agency is at home or working out in the gym."

"good. sometimes this work is so tolling, 'mione."

"yeah, i heard from st mungo's you got hurt?" her eyes were concerned.

i rolled up my sleeve, "that's it."

"that's it? what do you mean, that's terrible! you need to take better care of yourself."

"well sometimes it's hard to. it was worth it."

we continued chatting until it was 4:30.

"oop!" she checked her watch, "i have to go!"

"good luck! tell me how it goes, minister! i'll head back to check if anyone's called for you or me and dust it all up."

"thanks. i owe you."

"nah. i owe my job to you. if minister for magic didn't exist, i wouldn't either. i love you 'mione, be safe!"

"love you too!"

i apparated to the phone box and typed my letters in.

with a whoosh, i immediately spotted two letters and a beeping phone. i answered the phone, solving the problem of the woman on the other end of the line and scribbled a reply to both of the letters.

i finished the paperwork and sent it off, then visited my office. it was piling with letters. i answered all of them, redirecting some of them to different departments, before calling everyone back.

i spotted some of the aurors from yesterday's mission sitting in the cafeteria and talking.

i sat down next to them, "how are you guys doing? any injuries?"

they shook their heads, "we've been spending time in the healer's office and just exercising lightly by the orders of johnny," argonas explained and i nodded.

"take it lightly, and go home if you want to. seeing family always helps the process, hopefully not too many nightmares?"

they laughed, "nightmares all the time, miss," hawk said lightly, "get used to it in this job."

i frowned, "have you tried speaking to doctor yvonne? she might have ways to solve nightmares."

"ahh, miss, sleeping draughts can only do so much," hawk replied cordially.

i laughed, "alright, hawkeye, but just make sure you're not getting traumatised okay? what about you, lopex, quentins?"

they shrugged.

"it's okay? the door was very hard to bust into," lopex said quietly, "we had to try several bombarding charms."

"now, lop, it was easy work!" draco said, sitting down, "hello, head auror, hello unit."

it brought on a cacophony of greetings.

"how are you doing, dray?" harry sat down next to him, "hi everyone!"

we all replied with more greetings and a steady conversation started and flowed for a couple of hours.

i felt my cell phone go off and i excused myself, noting it was 9pm already.

i apparated to the apartment doorstep, knocking on the door just in case anything was happening. i checked the caller id, it was hermione.

fred opened the door, hair messy, still good looking. i smiled at him, patting his shoulder as i ran to the ringing telephone and picked it up.

"y/n!" i could just hear the beam in hermione's voice.

"'mione! how did it go?"

"absolutely wonderful, head auror, ahhh, he's so cute!"

"what happened?" i asked, smiling already.

"well it was really cold when i saw the picnic blanket, which was matching my dress for some weird reason, and ron was there in the cutest button up and he looked so handsoME and he gave me a flower, he's always handsome but i just can't! ahhhh!" she squealed and i clapped my hands in excitement.

"and then i was shivering and he gave me hiS JUMPER and it smelled like him and oh my gosh i think i might just be in love, y/n!"

i giggled, "my cooling charm did work!"

"whaT y/n????"

cackling, i said, "continue, i wanna hear more this is so adorable!!!"

i ignored the dirty glance fred gave me, quietening my voice.

"and then we had food and he said he had cooked it himself and was being such a dear and i told him that i loved him over and over again!!!"

i squealed silently again.

"and, and, gosh my english has gone out of the window!"

"english is nothing compared to the language of love!!" i giggled.

"we watched the sunset whilst cuddling, and i fell asleep and then when i woke up i was in his bed and he was looking at me intently and i just, i'm the luckiest girl alive!"

"you are but you deserve it! that's so sweet! i'm happy for you goshhh, you are the cutest couple. you're both such darlings!"

"and then we watched a muggle movie and he got scared of the spiders and it was so adorable ahhhhHHHH!!!"

"that's the cutesttttt," i gushed.

another dirty look from fred. i gave him a frown back.

"and then he walked me home and it started raining and we kissed in the rain and another check off of my bucketlist and oh my gosh he's so perfect."

"oh gosh that's beautiful," i was smiling uncontrollably.

"anyway," her tone changed into one of mischief, "wanna meet up tomorrow to talk about it?"

"sure thing! when and where? i'll be there!"

"erm, lemme chec- think," i heard the suspicious rustling of papers.

"you're sus. let's just talk about it over the phone. i don't want anything weird."

"how about 10 am in the morning at the field of fireflies?"

"that's a highly romantic place, miss minister. isn't it for couples or something?"

"no? you must be talking about fiona farm."

oh. "yeah, probs, well okay, it better have good coffee. i'm dying of boredom too, does it have a playground??" i asked, hopefully crossing my fingers.

"nope."

"awww, shucks, i don't think i'll go then. you wanna come over though?"

"no please come! there's a surprise!"

i was sold, "lovely. i'll be there at 9:30!"

"no, no, don't do that."

"what the hell, hermione, you're being so suspicious!"

"i'm not, okay? just come on time, you won't regret it."

"if there's any funny business i'm not committing arson ever again."

"oh crap."

i sighed.

"just come anyway!!! good night cheerio!!!"

"what the-"

the line ended.

i frowned, noticing the glare fred gave me yet again.

"is everything okay??" i asked him.

"no," he said rudely.

"well, do you need any help?"

"no."

"how was your day?"

"fine."

i sighed, "okay."

"you called ron cute."

i laughed lightly, "that's it?? and so what's kissing a girl huh, nothing? i called him cute because he treats 'mione like a goddess, because she is a goddess, for goodness sake. and he is cute, in a completely objective way," i added absentmindedly, "all you weasleys are."

he frowned.

"she kissed me!"

"oh i don't mind, i couldn't. my two braincells can't handle it. you kiss whoever you wanna, okay? live, laugh, love, and all that." i smiled.

he was silent.

"and we can talk after i meet up with hermione, okay?"

"okay."

"we don't needa if you don't wanna, of course. g'night."

"have a nice sleep."

the next morning, i got up and went to the field of fireflies or whatever.

it was a beautiful place. it was a full on field. meadows stretched across the near english countryside. the sky was clear and light, and the world around me was stunning.

winds blew from all directions, and i soon found myself accio!ing a jumper.

"hermioneeee???" i called, "you're leaving me hanging."

had hermione stood me up? i chuckled at the very thought, soon rolling in the field of flowers as i laughed.

"hermione you devil you stood me up! you left your poor little work wife hanging!" i shouted dramatically.

i suddenly spotted a little house? by the side of the meadow.

i ran towards it.

"whoa."

it was absolutely magnificent. beige little bricks were stacked on top of each other, grey bricks dotted in. the shillings were dark green, and plants hung out everywhere in the cracks of the house.

large windows which reflected the blue light in the sky spanned across the whole house, and a single wooden door stood ajar.

i just wish i had brought a camera. i sat on the grass, playing with the hem of my jumper sadly. even hermione didn't have time for me. i wondered what a sad person i must seem like.

"contemplating life there?" i heard a far off voice. i swung my head around, seeing fred standing and grinning.

yeah well duh i was, no thanks to you, i thought.

i immediately got up.

"we can talk here, right?" fred asked, as he brought me into the house.

"wow," inside, it was cluttered and messy, with plants sprouting everywhere and bookcases and things everywhere. i loved it.

"you like it?" he asked.

"love it."

"good, because i bought it," he laughed at my flabbergasted expression, "i'm rich, darlin'. let's sit, i cooked lunch."

"was this your plan? to have hermione stand me up?" i asked.

"love, i wouldn't call this a plan. simply just a boy trying to explain himself."

"look i don't need an explanation. i told you, you can love whoever you wanna, i don't mind, i don't care, i support."

"but i'm gonna have to explain because i wanna kiss you."

"then go ahead," i sighed, "if you're lying i will stab you."

"jeesh okay."

i looked at him.

"oh yeah, i forgot the food, here," he said casually, handing me a plate filled with yummy looking delicacies. i was willing to put up with his rubbish story telling for the food, i guess.

"alright, i'm all ears."

"okay. so she talked with you right?"

i nodded.

"did she take a piece of hair from you?”

i nodded again.

"so you came home just right about when the night lights flicker on in london. or so i thought it was you. it was actually, aphrodite, yeah? in polyjuice potion. and she knocked on the door, which i thought was strange. i opened it and she immediately kissed me, as you. and it was weird but it was you and i would give the world to kiss you like that," he said bluntly and i could feel my face heating up, "and then it went like that for a few seconds and she turned into pretoria, and by then the woman had her claws on me. then the door opened and i knew i had made a mistake and then you left and apologised so sweetly. i'm so so sorry, my love, please, i never meant to hurt you, i never meant to do anything. i broke up with her last year. i haven't wanted to be with her since. i want to be with you."

i looked at him. i knew he was genuine.

"okay. i'm sorry too, for not trusting you. i guess i was just really unsure of our relationship. it's still kinda blurry."

"what do you wanna be?"

"could we be official, please?"

he grinned, "of course."

then smiling sheepishly, he added, "can i kiss you now?"

"only if i'm the only girl you kiss from now on," i teased, smiling.

he blushed, placing my hands over his heart. it was beating very very fast.

"feel that, beautiful?"

i nodded.

"only you."

he gave me a cheesy grin and laughed at my blushing face, before tilting my head upwards and going in for a kiss but kissing my cheek.

"that's not fair!"

and that's how his head ended up falling into my lap, as i ran my fingers through his ginger strands.

he had fallen asleep just as the sunset began.

it was breathtaking. hues of orange and red danced across the sky.

"i can think of something a lot more beautiful than that," fred said, smiling.

"oh?"

"yeah. yeah."

"i don't believe you."

"that's because you can't see yourself right now."

[dcforts]

[day 4: cooking and baking]

Now, Bobby Singer didn’t always exactly enjoy having Sam and Dean around – he was used to living alone and he liked his routine; they got loud when they bickered and he always had to make sure they were clean and fed and far from the stuff he had laying around that they weren’t supposed to touch.

He never wanted to be a father after all, nor get stuck running a daycare for hunters for that matter, but he just couldn’t bring himself to say no to John whenever he asked, even if he had his garage to run and hunting on the side.

He felt bad for them. He might have known nothing about raising children, but he sure knew that they were supposed to have a home, not to be dragged across the country in an old car, exposed to all kinds of dangers.

So, if washing an extra set of bedsheets and hiding his booze and getting a headache or two from their feet stomping upstairs meant giving them a roof over their head for a few days, a familiar place where to feel safe and proper food in their belly – if one could count canned soup as proper food – then he could bite the bullet.

And they were good kids, they always did what he told them and never complained about anything.

Even when one year they got stuck at his place on Christmas Eve. The air was heavy around the dinner table and Bobby had turned on the tv in an attempt to liven up the atmosphere and distract them. Still, they remained quiet, hunched over their plates wearing gloomy faces.

Their father was supposed to pick them up but he’d called and said he wasn’t gonna make it. Bobby knew it was gonna happen as soon as he’d heard the phone ringing that afternoon.

"But it’s Christmas!” he’d hissed angrily trying not to be heard by the kids, “What am I supposed to tell them?”

“Uh - I don’t know, Bobby," John had replied, with that tone he got when he was uninterested in what you were saying and had already uncorked one too many beers. "It’s just this one time.”

When Bobby had delivered the news, Dean had shouted "Why hasn’t he called me?" and Sam had grumbled "You should have convinced him", so they most likely hated him too.

Bobby didn’t take it personally, if he were a kid he sure wouldn’t have liked to spend Christmas with someone like him and without his only parent.

Bobby didn’t do holidays at all. He hanged a wreath on the front door just cause he kept it in the hallway all year round. He made himself a turkey sandwich. He enjoyed a classic movie just as the next guy and he passed out on the couch with a glass of store-bought eggnog. That was it. It was not like he had anyone to share it with. It had been like that for years and he didn’t mind. 

Knowing that the kids would be around though, he’d hanged on the window a string of lights he’d found in the basement and had put on display a weird looking statue of an elf - although if he wasn’t sure if it was Christmas related or just an old dark artifact. The boys had spared those things barely a glance and not brought up Christmas at all so Bobby had just figured that they didn’t do holidays either.

But then a commercial featuring a big holiday banquet came on tv for the umpteenth time, filling the kitchen with its obnoxious jingle and Dean finally spoke up.

“Hey Bobby,” he asked, tearing his eyes from the tv. “Did your mother ever bake for the holidays?”

Bobby didn’t even remember the last time he’d talked about his mother with anyone. It always brought up bittersweet memories he didn’t like to deal with. Still, he cleared his throat, “Sure,” he said, but now Sam was watching him too so he added, “she was a good baker - made a mean blueberry pie.”

Dean gave him a small smile. “Really?”

“Yeah, and she’d always make two, one for everyone and another one just for me."

“A whole pie? Just for you?" Sam asked with a glint of amusement in his eyes.

"I could eat that," intervened Dean immediately.

Bobby snorted, “Yeah, I know that, kid."

Dean smiled proudly, but then Sam said "You couldn’t, Dean. You’d get sick."

"No, I wouldn’t," he shot back.

"Yes, you would. Not even an adult can - "

"What do you know, if you never - ”

“I know - ”

Bobby groaned and got up from the table to start collecting the dirty dishes, "Alright, break it up".

They fell into silence again as he put the dishes in the sink and started washing them.

"Go get ready for bed."

He heard the scraping of chair legs on the floorboards, but he was still thinking about his mother and didn’t realize that only one pair of shoes had left the room and the other one had come to stand next to him.

"Does your oven work?" Dean said, making him jump.

"Wh- my oven? Yeah. Why?”

"Just ‘cause... you never use it," was his reply, a little unsure.

"That don’t mean it don’t work."

"Have you ever used it?”

"Can’t remember, honestly.”

"Mum used to bake pies for me too," Dean said then. "Sammy wasn’t there so he gets upset when I talk about it."

Bobby gave him half a smile. "Bet Mary's pies were the best, uh?”

"Yeah", he said, but he sounded thoughtful. He still made no move to leave and Bobby didn’t know what else to say. The last thing he wanted was to make the boy sad, or worse, make him cry for his mom.

He started working faster on drying those dishes.

"Maybe your father remembers the recipe. You should ask him,” he said, casually.

Apparently it was the wrong thing to say. Dean tugged the hem of his jacket and looked at him with the most scared expression Bobby had ever seen on him. “Don’t!" he said, "Please. Dad doesn’t like talking about these things. Don’t tell him I told you."

Bobby gritted his teeth and tried to not let his rage show on his face. He put down the rag and grabbed one of his shoulder, “It’s okay, Dean. I won’t.”

Dean gulped and quickly nodded and Bobby itched for a drink.

“Now go. It’s time for bed.”

"Yes, sir," said Dean.

“You don’t have to cal-” he started, then sighed, “Nevermind. Just go.”

As he heard the door upstair close he opened the highest cabinet and grabbed his bottle of scotch. He sat down to pour himself a glass, took his cap off and rubbed his forehead.

His hands tightened into fists at the thought of John. How could he leave them like that? What would’ve happened if he’d died on a hunt? Who would have cared for them? Bobby certainly couldn’t – John couldn’t possibly expect –

The tv was still on.

His second glass was already empty when that stupid holiday commercial with that stupid jingle came on once again. Annoyed, Bobby stood up to turn it off and that’s when Dean came to his mind and a thought hit him.

The kid wanted a damn pie.

He just didn’t know how to ask, or even if he could ask. And of course he would think that, with that father of his, his taboos and his rules. Bobby felt anger and stubborness rise in him.

If the kid wanted a goddamn pie, Bobby would’ve given him a goddamn pie. Even if he had to drive for miles at the crack of dawn on Christmas Day for blueberries.

And now where the fuck did he put Karen’s recipe book?

*

The morning after, he cracked the bedroom door open and Dean blinked awake as soon as he brushed his shoulder.

“Don’t wake your brother. Come downstairs," he whispered, motioning him to be quiet.

In the daylight Bobby was willing to admit that he was a little nervous about his idea.

Yet he couldn’t resist watching Dean’s face as he entered the kitchen ten minutes later and stopped in his track when he saw flour, eggs, sugar and blueberries lined up on the counter.

It was like his face couldn’t settle on an emotion. He frowned, smiled, frowned again. Then he just looked at Bobby as if he was asking him what he was supposed to do or say.

"I was thinking it’s about time I make that oven work again. What you say? Wanna bake your own pie?"

Dean surprised himself with a laugh. "But Bobby - I don’t – I never -"

"What, you think I do?" Bobby shrugged, "If it’s bad, we’ll just throw it out."

Dean seemed too overwhelmed to say anything. He just nodded.

Bobby went towards him. "See, I got this book here, it was my wife’s. We’re more than capable to follow a bunch of instructions, right?"

It took way longer than Bobby had anticipated, and surely longer than it generally took other people. And it wasn’t easy. At all. Not just because in the last few years he’d reduced his diet to mostly pre-cooked stuff, but especially for the smells that filled the kitchen and the long string of memories attached to them - Karen and his mom, guilt and comfort, sweetness and fear.

But Bobby went through all of it, the fishing out of the egg shells, the spilling of the flour, the hour long wait for the dough to set and the million questions Dean seemed to have – because the boy enjoyed himself.

Bobby was pretty sure of it, from the way he groaned in disgust as he dipped his hands in the mixture with raw eggs, in his cheeky face when he lied about stealing the blueberries they were using, in his clear laugh when Bobby slipped and almost crashed on the dirty floor; all of that made it worth it.

When the oven door was closed and the timer was set, he even sat cross-legged on the tiles to watch it as it baked.

Bobby moved around him to clean the mess they’d made and then went to wash himself up. When he looked himself in the bathroom mirror he saw flour all over his beard and bits of dough on his flannel. He found himself smiling a little.

He might not be able to bring the boys the spirit of Christmas or whatever crap they sold these days, but he would’ve been be satisfied if he managed to make them happier for half a day.

Dean started pounding on the door right in that moment. “Bobby!” he was shouting, “The timer! Hurry up! We need to get it out!”

Bobby’s reflection rolled his eyes and sighed. “Coming!” he shouted back and heard Dean running away again.

When he entered the kitchen half a minute later, Sam had joined Dean in front of the oven. He was still in his pyjamas and looked up at him with sleepy eyes. “Dean’s screams woke me up,” he said.

“Yeah, alright. I’m here, let me through and step back. I don’t want you to get burned.”

As carefully as possible, he took the pie out under the scrutinizing gaze of the brothers. As he sat it on the table he noticed the uneven colour of the crust and the filling that had spilled all over the sides and through the cracks. He made a face. “Well - doesn’t look half bad as far as first attempts go -" he tried to say but his words were drowned by the boys shouting “Whoa!”

"It smells so good," said Dean, wearing a proud smile.

"It’s perfect," said Sam with the solemnity of a renown critic. "Can we try it now?"

"Let’s give it a moment to cool down. You go get dressed. Dean, go wash your hands."

They both sprinted in different directions. Sam immediately ran up the stairs banging a hand on the banister in excitement. Dean bolted in the direction of the downstairs bathroom.

“Be careful!” he thundered.

They both shouted back at once: “Yes, Uncle Bobby!”

A rush of affection washed over him. He shook his head looking down at their pie.

“Merry Christmas kids.” 

 joining @bend-me-shape-me in this!

[dailytomlinson]

When reflecting on music’s most influential artists, critics tend to use statistics to measure their legacy—whether it’s a band reaching #1 on the charts, multiple sold-out tours, or albums that represent a generation. Those types of accolades and praise are for bands that, typically, exist within rock with a predominantly sizeable male fanbase, like The Rolling Stones or The Beatles. For English-Irish boyband One Direction, who actually broke one of The Beatles biggest achievements by having five Top 10 debut tracks on the Hot 100 compared to The Beatles’ four, have sold out multiple tours and delivered five albums five years in a row, they have not been regarded as much of an influential force in the music industry as they should be.

Today—on July 23rd 2020—the band celebrates ten years since they first became a band, even if five years of that time was during a prolonged indefinite hiatus while each of the members pursued solo ventures. A decade marks ten years of One Direction and, for the fans, ten years of an impactful legacy the band, both together and apart, has had on their lives.

After being thrown together on The X-Factor back in July 2010, the band did more in five years than most bands do in their entire careers; they released five albums and sold more than 6.49 million copies in just America alone, filmed one concert documentary and one tour film, completed multiple world tours, and pursued philanthropic ventures. All of those things didn’t come without a price, though. Zayn Malik left the band in 2014 due to his mental health suffering. The band toured consistently every year with hardly ever having any personal time off, and add in an album release a year, they were extremely overworked.

There’s a belief boy bands have an expiry date, and it’s likely their management felt they needed to get as much out of the band while they believed they were still relevant. It’s likely that fans would’ve stuck around if the members took time between their albums and tours. In 2015, when the hiatus began, people wondered if One Direction really could ever come back and, if they did, would fans still really care about them?

“One Direction was one of the biggest and most successful bands,” said @TheHarryNews, a Twitter fan update account. “They achieved amazing things in the five years they were together, despite being overworked by putting out albums and touring every year, which isn’t normal.”

One specific thread that ties together every fans’ thoughts when they reflect on why they decided to become fans of the boys in the first place is the carefree and loving rapport the band has with one another. We’ve all seen The X Factor video diaries, laughed over their banter during interviews, and watched every live performance they did to look out for cute interactions between our favourite members. In their own unique way, One Direction helped defy traits typically associated with toxic masculinity; they didn’t shy away from their affection for one another and made that known in interviews and concerts. Their friendship set them apart, made them more real, and through them, we made friendships of our own.

When someone seeks out new friends, they go to where they feel safest: the communities of people who love the same things as they do. Social media not only propelled the band to international audiences, but it also helped many fans meet the people they now call their lifelong friends. “They have impacted my life in ways I never thought a ‘boyband’ could,” said Lauren, a fan from Buffalo, NY. “They gave me the best friends I could ever ask for, helped me when I was lost and thought I had no one. They ultimately helped me find myself.”

Social media did more than just help us make friends. It was also a major catalyst for the band’s success, and a large part is due to update accounts on Twitter that were created by fans, for fans. Fan-created update accounts would document every single movement and moment made by the band’s five members, whether it was live-streaming a concert or updating fans on the band’s whereabouts. For @With1DNews, a UK/Canada-based update account, it’s a labour of true love for the band that “glued them together” in the first place. “We found each other through our 1D fan accounts on Twitter,” they said. “We started talking about the boys, then our lives, and quickly became great friends.”

Even though they started the account after the hiatus already began, they still felt like fans needed One Direction news. “We had noticed there weren’t really any active 1D update accounts left and we knew a lot of fellow 1D fans were still interested in seeing news about the boys’ careers and lives. It was also because we missed seeing 1D together and hearing about them together. We thought, why not create this space that connects them even if they’re now all going their own way.”

Update accounts take as much time, effort, and energy as an unpaid second job; it requires those who run them to schedule themselves accordingly to cover certain times of each day to ensure their fellow fans get updated in a timely manner, and they do as much fact-checking and researching that any other traditional news outlet does.

Even if some critics might not consider One Direction an influential force in the music industry, the impact they continue to have on their fans is what has set them apart from every other musical act. In a scene in One Direction’s concert documentary, This Is Us, a fan breathlessly states “I know they love me, even if they don’t know me.” This type of parasocial relationship to a band is something not many understand; it’s a sense of intimacy that doesn’t require either party to actually deeply know one another on a personal level but is still as meaningful and significant as actual relationships.

A connection with the band is even more prevalent for Amy, a Los Angeles based writer and mum of two, because of the impact the band has had on her family is something that isn’t tangible but has been detrimental to her children’s development. “I have a child with physical and neurological disabilities who, prior to One Direction, was completely non-verbal and really struggling to find motivation and happiness amongst all the doctors and therapy appointments,” stated Amy. “They have done more for her development, including indirectly teaching her to speak and sing, than any therapy she’s ever done. Up until we found the boys, everything was trial and error; trying to find what makes sense to her and would, in turn, make the world make sense to her. Who knew the key would be a ‘silly’ boy band?”

Many fans have expressed that the band is their happy place – the only positive light in their life when things got tough. For so many, the band came at a time when they desperately needed something to help them through difficult situations whether that be pressure from school, jobs, peers, or life in general. Watching the ‘Best Song Ever’ music video, or a funny interview felt like a cure to smile and laugh after a long day. “They were what we turned to when we felt overwhelmed in our own lives. Now, we’re adults, and they still bring us as much happiness as they did when we were younger,” says @With1DNews.

Not only that, but the band has also helped fans gain more confidence in themselves. By helping create a space and community for them, fans who may have felt lonely, different, or struggled to find a place they belonged had somewhere to go now. They made friends who accepted them, endless content that felt like a burst of serotonin, and a band of boys who told them through lyrics how great and valuable they are, songs like ‘Through the Dark’, ‘Diana’, and ‘Little Things’. Through the band, One Direction fans created their own safe space to work out and navigate their own identity; a space that is free from outside shame where they could be whoever they wanted to be because the people they loved the most accepted them for exactly who they are.

Despite the safety found in those spaces, others have given those fans different descriptions: Hysterical. Rabid. Extra. ‘Screamers.’ Those are just a few of the many words that have been used to describe female fans of boy bands, both past and present. Although these words carry negative connotations, they imply something more powerful than any naysayer could understand or try to define: the sheer force that comes with unashamedly loving something so deeply, you don’t really care about anyone else’s opinions.

Young female fans are the most supportive, passionate fanbase an artist can have, yet they are the most trivialized and ridiculed both within and outside of the music industry. At the start of their career, music’s most beloved band The Beatles was a boy band that catapulted into fame because of, not despite, their female fans. It wasn’t until male fans noticed the band’s progression into an experimental sound when they decided to embrace the band and deem them worthy of their support after they began playing ‘real’ music.

Even if there are major similarities between The Beatles and One Direction, the latter is still regarded by many to be a manufactured pop boy band with a ‘teenybopper’ fanbase. The members of the band have consistently embraced and validated their predominantly female fanbase; Harry Styles has been consistently vocal about this matter, going so far as to say “Teenage-girl fans — they don’t lie. If they like you, they’re there. They don’t act ‘too cool.’ They like you, and they tell you.”

In ‘Girl Almighty’, the fifth track on their fourth album, Four, the band addressed the way their fans have been misjudged and labelled ‘crazy’ because of their passion and not only applauded them for their dedication and love, but bowed down to them as well; “Let’s have another toast to the girl almighty […] I get down on my knees for you.” Not only has One Direction always known who helped them get to where they are today, but they’ve also never shied away from declaring their respect for them, constantly validating their fans’ feelings.

For One Direction’s fans, a decade of the band’s formation represents ten years of a legacy that will continue on, even if the band never formally get back together. For Amy, it doesn’t really matter if they got their start on a TV talent show because it’s the fans that made them and set the band apart from every other boyband. “What we all created together feels so untouchable in regards to boy bands of the past and ones to come. I think people will look back in awe and see what we see; we’ve been so incredibly lucky to have witnessed the magic of One Direction.”

They might not be aware of it, but One Direction was incredible at predicting what was to come in their own music; “Who’s gonna be the first to say goodbye?” / “But it’s not the end, I’ll see your face again” / “We had some good times, didn’t we? We wore our hearts out on our sleeve” / “We could be the greatest team that the world has ever seen.” In ‘Best Song Ever’, a song that ordinary listeners would not exactly consider overly sentimental or profound, there is one lyric that will always stand out for the fans to represent One Direction’s legacy perfectly: “I hope you’ll remember how we danced.” Ten years later, we haven’t forgotten.

[doof-doofblog]

"Can You Get A Message To Her?"

Monday 22nd March 2021

Hello again folks! Hope you're all doing well! We're back with a start of a new week, I'm intrigued what's going to happen with this week's episode's, Friday's episode ended on such an emotional note, I'm intrigued to see how Chelsea is going to cope knowing her Dad is in prison because of her, maybe it's something that she'll get over gradually. I'd be shocked if she was just to get over it over night, it wouldn't be realistic to me. But we shall see!

Now lets focus on the episode at hand, I'm going to start with Vinny. I guess it's fair to say that for a long while now Vinny hasn't really been agreeing with the way his family handle situations regarding the police. So when the police arrive at their front door wanting Vinny to make a statement regarding the youths that almost attacked him, he is more than willing to help cooperate with the police. But as soon as Suki and Kheerat hear about what's happening they are furious with Vinny and instruct him not to go the police and refuse to help them with their investigation. The thing that really grasped my attention was when Suki stated "We don't help the police, and you know why!" - Oooo there are so many questions resolving around the Panesar's past. What happened before they arrived in Walford? They clearly have some bad history with the police, but what?! I'm so intrigued and the more time goes on, I'm eager to find out their back story!

Later on in the episode, Vinny appears to be minding the shop as Callum enters following a discussion with Ben about guests and flower arrangements for their wedding. However as Ben makes a quick exit, Callum begins to make friendly conversation with Vinny about the police visiting him and asking him for a statement regarding the night he was almost attacked by youths. But when Vinny reveals that he's decided not to go to the police, mainly down to brother (as far as I heard), Callum seems really disappointed. But interestingly gives Vinny some wise words, he's not the only who has family on his back every day, Vinny needs to find the courage and strength to make his own decisions, regardless whether his family like it or not, if he either doesn't feel comfortable or disapproves with the way his family do things, maybe he's better off standing on his own two feet, instead of following rules, make his own rules and lead life the way he wants. Callum's life lesson to Vinny seems to really hit home for him and sink in, as eventually as he's walking alone in the Square, Vinny eventually finds himself outside the police station. Will he take Callum's advice?!

--

The next thing I want to mention is Tiffany and Keegan. Early on in the episode, Keegan is seen to be in deep concentration as he's sat alone punching numbers, as it were. As they joke about the first change they get to visit Florida will be in 17 years time, Keegan reveals to his wife that he has a meeting with the bank next week, however he seems a little bit negative about the whole thing. (Once again!) Keegan has it in his mind that the bank will instantly refuse to give him a loan, due to the colour of his skin. I don't know why this is dragging on for so long, but Keegan seems to have it bedded in his mind that the police force and possibly people in high roles than him are possibly racist? I cannot stress enough that that isn't the case!

Even Tiffany tries to reassure her husband and informs him that he can't go to the bank requesting a loan with that kind of attitude. But then Keegan seems to have an idea and asks his wife to join him at the meeting. Suggesting that if he had his wife there with him, they could take them seriously about having a loan. Plus if they're successful, it would mean that Tiffany wouldn't have to do her hostessing job anymore. Tiffany at first seems really nervous and claims that she'd probably ruin everything, but to give her husband her full support, she eventually agrees.

Later on at the club, Tiffany seems to be serving a woman who happens to work in a bank and seems to be at the top of her game regarding her job role. Tiffany takes this chance to ask her for some advice about herself and her husband seeking a loan, but instead of giving her a genuine answer, I kind of thought this lady insulted Tiffany by instructing her to get rid of her husband! I mean, how bloody rude! Although, she does get karma coming to her as Tiffany realises she's been overcharged by £50! But Dotty seems to have overheard the commotion and suggests that they keep the £50 tip as it'll give Tiffany a chance to find something decent to wear when she goes to this bank meeting. It's then that Dotty also has another idea, with the clientele that they're serving at the club, maybe they could simply start overcharging people by a couple of pounds, with the amount of money that they have and spend, none of them would probably notice. As much as Tiffany knows it's wrong, she eventually agrees to the idea, on the condition that they don't go too overboard with the overcharging. Even though this could help Tiffany and Keegan's money problems, I do think that maybe this could put Tiffany in big trouble if she was to get caught?!

--

One thing I have to briefly mention also, I absolutely loved how they included a conversation between Suki, Patrick and Karen regarding the Covid-19 vaccination. After suffering from Covid himself, Patrick revealed to Suki that he had already had his two doses of the vaccine, to which Suki responds that she has her first one booked later in the week. However, the interesting thing is when Karen overhears the conversation, she seems to a bit suspicious about the whole, claiming her concerns about what the vaccine could do to us in about 5 or 10 years time, which I get is probably most people's concern. I have to say though, I've seen a few headlines about this small scene claiming that people are shocked to hear that Karen is an "Anti-Vaxxer!" - I guess you could say that script writers are only trying to portray it from different people's point of view, unfortunately there are people out there who are anti-vaxxers and believe all sorts of conspiracy theories about Covid-19, but I think that this scene they're trying to maybe make people change their mind about having the vaccine, and I mean that in a positive way. Maybe it'll change those anti-vaxxers minds and convince them to have vaccine, instead of promoting it, if you get what I mean?! After the way both Patrick and Suki spoke about their disappointment and concerns to Karen, Karen mind seemed to change almost instantly! On a personal level, I have luckily had my first dose of the vaccine, so happy days! We are slowly on our way to getting back to some form of normality, let's keep our fingers crossed!

--

The next thing I have to mention is Stacey and Jean. It seems that Stacey has been told by some solicitor that she could be facing up to a year in prison for the alleged assault on Ruby. We all know that Stacey is innocent, even though Stacey seems to have come to terms with the fact that there is simply no evidence to back her side of the story (which we all know is the truth) - the main person who seems to be fretting about Stacey's future is Jean. Poor Jean simply can't fathom the thought of her daughter being back in prison, after everything she's been through. Plus considering the very important fact that Jean could be facing more time alone dealing with her illness. I'm assuming that she's still keeping it a secret from her family that she found another lump a while back? As far as my knowledge goes, Jean hasn't mentioned it since, she decided not to have treatment this time around if it did turn out to be cancer. I feel that that is what on Jean's mind more than anything, she's just got her daughter back after having lost Daniel and having to deal with her illness all on her own, and with the possibility of Stacey being thrown in jail again, Jean unfortunately faces having to deal with her illness all alone for a second time.

While on a cleaning job with Mo, I have to be honest - I have no idea who's house they're cleaning. To me, it looked like Gray's but I have no memory of them ever cleaning for Gray? Or was it the Mitchell's? Either way, Jean happens to mention that if she was to have a huge sum of money she would put all the money towards helping Stacey, which of course any Mum would do the same for their daughter. It's then that Jean happens to stumble upon a box of some kind left on the living room table, taking a sneaky looking inside she finds a huge sparkly necklace, who does it belong to? I'm not so sure. But Jean seems to think back to her words of getting money for her daughter, in a desperate state of mind, she quickly stuffs the necklace into her pocket.

Later on, as we see Jean leaving a pawn shop it's clear that she has sold the necklace she nicked. Will she end up in trouble for stealing a necklace and pawning it? Eventually she ends up bumping into Martin and Ruby on the Square. From a distance they seem to be smiling and giggling, this seems to be completely enrage Jean, she can simply not stand there and watch them laughing while they tear Stacey's life apart. She decides to confront them, mainly Ruby - claiming that now Ruby has everything she's wanted, she's willing to ruin Stacey's life. Even though it's sad and tragic that Ruby lost her baby, the worst thing she can do is blame her accident on someone else and throw false accusations around. Jean is more disappointed in Martin, would he really let the Mother of his children go to prison? Surely there must be some kind of doubt in his mind that Stacey would do something as horrendous as what Ruby is claiming?! Jean stands her ground, stating that she's not going to let things lie as they continue to ruin Stacey's life. As devastating as it seems, with Lacey Turner going on Maternity Leave, it's looking like Stacey will go to prison for something she didn't do!

--

Now the main focus of the episode is Mick! He and Linda have now fully moved back into the Vic. As much as they seem happy to be back where they belong, I guess there is a kind of sadness surrounding them that they don't have their children with them. They happen to mention Johnny and Nancy, am I right in thinking that they went away to visit their children and tell them face-to-face about their Dad's abuse?! They happen to mention Johnny and Nancy crying at the news about their Dad and how Lee will deal with the news in his own way. We know that Nancy is going to be returning to the Square some time soon, will knowing what's happened to her Dad be the main reason for her return?

As the locals begin to welcome back Linda and Mick to their pub, Rainie and Stuart seem to be on their own investigation. As they discuss how convenient it is for Max to leave and then they return to be back behind the pub, in Rainie's mind, something doesn't seem right. Almost like on a mission, she informs her husband to question Mick while she works her way on Linda as they fish for information. Only in their own comical ways, they seem to get nowhere with them. Suddenly a detective of some kind enters asking to speak to Mick in private, this seems to grab the attention of both Stuart and Rainie and they begin to ponder what could be going on.

As they continue their discussion privately upstairs, it's here that the detective reveals to Mick that Katy has been arrested for her crimes. As much as this is good news for Mick, he does also have concerns about Frankie and how her Mum's arrest might affect her. As he questions about the possible DNA sample they've had from them both, the detective reveals that their DNA test does match, hearing this confirmation completely overwhelms Mick, Frankie is his daughter! The next thing that the detective mentions though does concern him that little bit more, he suggests reaching out to more witnesses and possible more victims of Katy's crimes, to which Mick realises his story might become public. I think more than anything, Mick is more worried about going public as he fears people will see him differently, not as the local pub landlord, but as the man who was sexually abused as a child.

As the detective leaves Mick to his thoughts, Frankie makes a drastic entrance. She appears to be absolutely frantic that her Mum has been arrested in front of her, without any warning. Of course this would be terrifying for Frankie but the thing that upset her the most was that all the time she begged Mick not to report her Mum, but now her Mum has been arrested, she feels betrayed by him. Mick then decides to share the news to hear that their DNA test was a match, she is his daughter after all. This does give Frankie some kind of closure but in her mind, she's gained a Dad and now lost a Mum. Linda tries to console her husband's daughter, informing her that if she needs anywhere to stay then they have bedrooms to spare and she can stay with them, however this is followed by an awkward silence and Frankie can see that Mick maybe doesn't think it's a good idea, she decides to leave before anything else can be said between them.

As Mick chases his daughter down the stairs, unbeknown to them, Stuart happens to hear their conversation as he hides underneath the stairs. Mick apologises to Frankie for reporting her Mum but makes the valid point that she has to understand why he had to, what if there were other people she had done it to?! Stuart then realises what's going on. After being sent a link informing him about an arrest that has occurred regarding someone who he knew in care as a kid, he reveals to Rainie that he's figured out exactly what's happened. Knowing the full details now, he reveals to his wife that Mick has actually been the one who has been sexually abused. He recalls to his wife how he used to catch paedophiles, knowing that his best mate has gone through something like that, he needs to act now before it's too late.

Even though Rainie tells him it is not his battle, Stuart decides to call his brother and asking whether he can get a message to Frankie. The only thing is, what is this message going to be?! The one thing that is making me think is, is Stuart also a victim of Katy also but has never ever said anything? Is that the reason why he used track down attackers and bring them to justice? He even voices his concern that Mick's abuse happened over 20 years ago, without any evidence or proof or witnesses, Katy won't be charged with her crimes! Is Stuart actually going to come forward, informing Frankie that he too is one of her Mum's victims? What do you guys think? There are quite a few different ways this story could go and honestly, I'm really looking forward to seeing what's going to happen next!

Thank you all so much for reading, it really does mean the world and I can't thank you enough for your ongoing support! Please feel free to leave me a message or comment regarding anything currently happening in EastEnders, I'd love to hear your thoughts! Thank you again everyone, enjoy the rest of your day and I'll be back very soon! xXx  

[amethystpath-writes]

A Gentle Blade Part 26

Part 25 here

Alrighty. I was able to recover the lost, last half of the chapter. All is well.

Putting big TWs on this one (there is no gore, but many references and mentions): captivity, prisoner of war, battle/war, choking, getting cut open, broken bones, torture, vomiting, whump of a minor, trapped, murder, character being stabbed, manipulation.

@tears-and-lilies

******

"Another question," Kastion piped as the two continued riding. "You don't have to answer, but..." He trailed off. Should he even ask such a personal question now?

On one hand, the prince figured there was no better time to ask. Who knew what would really happen when they arrived in Thharewood? The general would want to know where Kastion was, what he learned during his Mesenian visit. Beyond the minor interrogation, Kastion would have to visit his father- who was hopefully still alive. He'd need to help his mother sort things out; surely she was feeling overwhelmed. He couldn't think of what else he needed to do upon returning, but he was sure there was more. In this sense, it was reasonable to ask Leera such personal things now.

On the other hand, it felt too soon to ask such a thing. Kastion loved Leera. That feeling he knew was true, but a part of him always feared he only loved her because he felt bad for her. Even worse, he was afraid it was because he felt bad for himself. But Leera loved him, too. Kastion would feel okay if she asked him personal questions, so asking her was okay, right? But he didn't know for sure. What if-

"Kas?"

His attention snapped to Leera.

"What's your question?"

He swallowed, not meeting her eyes. He would feel so awful if he asked a question that made her feel badly.

"You can ask me anything. I don't mind, truly."

Kastion sighed. Okay. "Your father was captured by Termine. How were you? I'm sure you weren't in the battle."

Now it was Leera that swallowed. She semi-expected this to be the question. It was okay, she said it was okay, and it was. With a deep breath, she began, "I knew little about the battle, but I heard my uncle complain about it often enough that I understood Termine was strong and that if Poppy wasn't back with our much smaller army, then he was either killed or captured."

Leera went on to explain how she got to Termine. While her mother was sleeping from her illness, she stole the wedding ring off of her finger and sold it to a mercenary, who gave Leera just enough coin to hire a carriage traveling along the main roads. Thinking back on it now, Leera knew the ring was worth much more. It came from an island far east from their own lands. It was worth at least three silver coins.

Moving back on topic, the assassin further explained that she asked to be taken to the battle sight. There were bodies, more than she could count, and she could barely recall tossing up the bread she ate before the journey, along with a tangy yellow liquid that came from her stomach. The carriage director left immediately after she got out so in order to get to Termine Leera would have to walk. That didn't matter until after she checked every single body, searching for her father's face. When she didn't find it, she knew he'd been captured. She walked the rest of the way to the enemy kingdom.

Once she was in Termine, she went to the Servants' House. It was a stretch of small houses, only large enough to fit one poor bed per home. In the center of them all was a washroom, where the servants cleaned up at night- both their bodies and their clothes. In truth, they were probably better off to not clean at all. That much water being recycled was probably more filthy than they could afford. Not knowing this at the time, Leera stole a servant's wet clothes from the floor. She slept in an alley the first night and once the clothes were dry, she traded them with her own, leaving her own clothes in the alley before walking into the palace as a noble servant.

She snuck about the castle as well as she could, discovering every hall and nearly every door. She didn't rest until she found the dungeons where she promptly began to scream for 'Poppy', and although her Poppy didn't answer, she knew he was down there. He hadn't returned home, his body wasn't with the others; this was the only place he could be.

The guards in the dungeon, however few, chased her about, and she ducked beneath their arms, beneath their legs until she saw her father sleeping on the floor behind bars. She yelled and yelled at him, but he wasn't waking up. Leera feared he was dead. As she stood at her father's cell screaming, the guards finally captured her flailing arms and pulled her back. They marched her up the stairs into the main palace. Because she was so small, her feet didn't touch the floor as the guards carried her, their arms tucked beneath hers.

They carried her all the way to the king's personal quarters where they dropped her behind his chair. In her fear, she didn't hear what the king said, but she assumed he dismissed the guards, for they filed out of the room, shutting the door behind them. Leera was so frightened that she scooted back until she met the foot end of the king's bed. Her toes curled in a fur rug.

The king had stood, towering over her. She didn't breathe as he took two steps towards her. He asked why such a small girl like her had been brought up to him like a criminal. Leera admitted that she was only looking for her father.

"He told me that I was looking at my father," Leera told Kastion. She could feel her chest quaking and her hands shaking as they continued riding. Who knew how much further they'd made it since she began telling her story?

The prince tried telling her multiple times that she didn't have to continue, but Leera wanted to. True, it was the most difficult thing thing she'd ever done, but it was also the most necessary. Even when Leera returned home to her uncle, she never spoke of what happened. She only said her father was dead.

Now, years and years later, Leera thought that finally telling someone might release whatever was trapped inside her, whatever made her able to kill as many and as often as she did. Killing was never easy to Leera, but it was easier- easier than if she had never been through everything she had been.

"The door was heavy enough that I couldn't open it," Leera continued to tell. She needed all of it out. She needed it gone, expelled from her mind, and the only way that could ever happen was if she spoke it aloud. "I slept in the king's room, at the foot of the bed, on the very rug I crawled back to on that first night. Servants brought me food, the king handed me daggers."

"Daggers?" Kastion asked. He'd stayed silent the whole time, but he hadn't expected Leera to say the King of Termine gave such a small girl a dagger, especially after learning she belonged to the enemy. Maybe that was it. She was a young, enemy girl, one that could be manipulated into a friend.

"I was made to throw them at dummies made from my homeland's armour. There had been a pile of it in the dungeons. For all I know, I threw a dagger at my own father's armour." Leera huffed. "I didn't know Poppy wasn't dead until one day the king ordered I be taken to the dungeons. I hadn't known his name so they weren't sure which soldier was my father."

Leera was escorted to the cells where she then ran to where she found her father before. He was awake this time, and despite the dark, he rushed to the barred door, reaching through to hug Leera closer. Why are you here? Why are you here, Leera? he'd asked. Over and over again, he'd asked and all Leera could say was, I wanted to find you.

This was when the prince stepped in. He grabbed Leera's shoulders and pulled her away from the captive soldier. My father says you think you belong to this man. You have a choice, the prince told Leera. You can forget this man ever existed, or I will show you what happens to captured enemies and send you to tell all your friends about it. It was the king's idea; his son was only more active, more willing to walk up and down the stairs to the dungeons.

I want Poppy, she said. Maybe she cried it. She was reaching for her father's arms reaching through the bars. Surely she was crying.

A guard stepped towards the cell, holding his sword backward before slamming the pommel against Poppy's arm. Her father recoiled with a pained holler. Leera did cry then, she knew.

What do you want? the prince asked.

Leera repeated herself. I want my poppy! She thrashed and thrashed in his arms, but he was older and stronger. She was nowhere close to competition to him.

The guard who hurt her father fumbled with a ring of keys, shoving one into the door before swinging it open. Leera tried to run in, but the prince's hands were still holding her shoulders.

Stand! the guard barked at Poppy.

At first Leera's father refused, only looking at his daughter. She supposed now that he wanted to be strong for her.

The defiance didn't last long, for the prince suddenly released Leera's right shoulder before grasping her throat. Her neck had been so small that his whole hand fit around her. With just a tiny amount of pressure, she couldn't breathe.

There was ruffling and shifting, clicks and clacks, but Leera couldn't process any of it. She was in a state of panic, unable to breathe, and progressively unable to see. But then she could breathe, and the fogginess of her vision was clearing away ever so slowly. She was young, too young to be held as she was, to see her father in such a piteous state.

Poppy stood still in his cell, grunting, and breathing harshly as the guard slid the sharp edge of his sword across his arm.

What do you want? the prince asked once again. And still, Leera responded that she wanted him, her father. She just wanted to be near him, to hug him, and to go home to Mum.

It went on like this for what Little Leera thought was hours, when in reality it was only one. Beyond that, it went on for days, each day becoming longer and longer, harsher and harsher, until Poppy was nothing but a barely breathing mound. And even further until he was dead. He suffered more cut limbs, broken limbs, fingers, and ribs, concussions from blunt force trauma, and plenty more. Leera was forced to watch it all. And on some occasions- like the first- she was slightly involved in the torture, only to make her father obey. It was a vicious cycle, one that Leera could never forget, even years later, and no matter how hard she tried.

Before Poppy was killed, Leera was still forced to sleep on the fur rug at the foot of the king's bed. One night, when she was sure the king was sleeping because of his snores, she picked a dagger from his desk, walked it over to the side of his bed, and she plunged it into his arm. He awoke screaming, of course, which alerted the guards outside of his room.

Because of his flailing, though, the dagger became loose, so Leera took it back and repeated her action, only this time to the thigh. Soon after, the guards came in and carried her away. To the dungeons! The king's voice was rasped with pain. Teach her a lesson!

Leera couldn't say what got into her that night. She supposed that hearing the king was responsible for her father's treatment became too much as she continued to watch it happen, as she continued to sleep beneath the man's feet. Leera, despite wanting to forget, remembered everything the guards had done to Poppy. And what made it so hard for him to move was what Leera did to the king.

After this occurrence, the prince tortured Poppy until his last breath, chaining Leera to the cell door bars. It was a short leash, one that didn't even allow her to sit. It went on for a single day before Poppy was dead.

Grabbing Leera by her cheeks, making her lips push out like a fish, the prince spat, You will go home and you will tell everyone what happened to you. You will tell them about your father's screams, about his whines, and about his writhing dead body. You will remember me every day that you live, and you will remember me in death.

"He's calmer now than he was then," Leera said softly, remembering dinner in Mesenian. "He was so angry with me for killing the king. I didn't know the king was dead until weeks later, when I returned home and word spread. I was thankful no one in Termine knew my name."

Kastion wasn't sure what to say. Who would have? He settled for saying, "I'm sorry. You didn't deserve that. And neither did your father- er, Poppy." Leera nodded at him with an appreciative smile.

They were on the main roads after much riding. The fear now was that they wouldn't find a carriage that could take them to Thharewood. Some of the guards wouldn't rest until they were found, Kastion was sure, which meant he and Leera couldn't rest either.

If they could find and hire a carriage, they would be disguised. The Guard wouldn't expect them to do something as public as that.

"We need to find a village and inn."

"Ee'd have more luck there than just wandering the roads."

She was shaking less, Kastion realized. It must have helped to talk it out. Still, he felt bad for ever asking. Without doubt, that was a lot for her to unpack. He hoped she would be okay.

"Then again," Leera said, "we might run into someone less than favourable."

The prince shook his head. "I doubt it. They don't care much about the people of Mesenian. And if they don't care, why would they come all the way out here to patrol?"

She nodded. It was a fair enough point. It still made her nervous. What if they went into a local area in hopes of getting away, only to be caught again? But Kastion was a prince, and he knew about these things. Leera would trust his decision.

And so it was, they followed the main roads, following signs until they found a small village, far off of Mesenian's prime perimeter.

The gods must have been traveling with the assassin and prince, for there very well was a carriage, hanging out near a horse vendor. Without any coin, Leera was afraid the director wouldn't take them, but Kastion showed the woman his ring and she ushered him to hide it before telling the two to hop in. "Shut the flaps," she told them as they got in and shut the doors.

It was a rickety cart, but the horses were strong from what Kastion could see. They were certainly large. He felt confident they would make it home.

Ch, ch, the director clicked and there was a thwap. The carriage began rolling.

Kastion took Leera's hand in his, resting them on his leg as they sat side by side. "If at any point you don't wish to come with me, I will leave this cart and you can go wherever you want. Keep the ring, and know that you will be welcome in my kingdom and home anytime you wish."

"I want to go," Leera nodded. She stared at their hands and smiled. "I want this and I want to see where it will go. I just- I'll need help along the way. I don't want to be a burden to you."

"You could never be a burden," he said. "Never."

Her eyes met his and she took a deep breath. She could do this. Leera could be his queen. Whatever it meant, she could do it, because she had already been through the worst life could offer. Surely being a queen by Kastion's side couldn't be as bad as anything else she experienced. And even if it was, she wanted to stand by Kastion. He needed her help as much as she needed his.

******

Part 27 here

[moonsapphicc]

my goat

3:34

I laid down to sleep but a memory struck my tranquility away and I grabbed my phone urgently to write down the said memory because I knew I would soon fall asleep and it would be forgotten for a long long time. The memory belongs to 6-7-year-old me, is it normal to remember something from such a young age? Perhaps it is the only thing I remember from that age maybe because of the pain it caused me.

 One morning my father and chacha (father's brother) left and later returned with a Bakri, 3 months before eid-ul-Adha. The goat's arrival had just been announced and in seconds it was swarmed by a crowd of excited children, not me though I looked at her from the far corner of the garage. The kids (my cousins/brother) shadowed her the whole afternoon and the whole evening petting her head, feeling her pathay(plants), and dragging her by the rope in the streets showing her out to the neighbor’s kids while my father told the kids' fathers what a great deal they had gotten for her- after all, she was a beautiful creature.

I had always been scared of animals and so I did not dare go close or pet her, I was content admiring her from afar.

After a week the children had eventually gotten bored of the creature as she provided no more entertainment and all the neighbor’s kids had gotten their own animals-cows and camels! And so the cousins forgot their smaller goat.

The goat seemed to understand that she no longer has the same importance and was just a mere burning animal now. I still admired her from afar, I never stopped. The goat saw me and got on her 4 legs so fast that out of fear I stood too. She was looking at me expectantly. Finally, she spoke a high pitched 'baa' leaving her mouth, it was almost as if she was calling me towards her, asking me to return some of the affection and attention she had lost.

Timid, I started moving towards the goat, picking up a bunch of leaves to feed her. The sight of the lush green excited her and she moved towards me in urgency but she could only come as far as the rope around her neck allowed her. Her sudden movement once again scared me and I, too jumped but I jumped away from her. She was a smart goat and seemed to understand that her movement scared me and so after that, she stayed as motionless as she could. I eventually got close enough that the plants in my hand reached her enough for her to take a bite. I saw her completely indulged in her meal and took a leap of bravery and pet her on the head, the fur was not as soft as I had imagined it but I didn't mind. As I was petting her, she started moving her head to encourage me. I stayed with her for the whole evening until my mother called me to have dinner and go to bed, I was happy to admit that I had gotten over my fear of animals.

After that day, we both developed a strong bond and spent most of our time together. I fed her, gave her water, sometimes even dressed her in flowers I had picked, but I never cleaned after her I left that for the grownups.

One day my uncle arrived with one of his nephews. I was with my younger cousin teaching him how to feed the goat when the nephew entered the garage. I immediately did not like him, he had a very dominant and arrogant presence-even at the age of 9. He walked around the goat, petting her back and talked about animals as if he had been born and raised on a farm-my little cousin was fascinated of course and asking a ridiculous amount of questions (all of which the nephew answered with complete certainty). I was very rudely nudged away from the goat. I disliked him from the beginning but now he had done something that enraged me.

I wanted to shove him into the floor and punch his face until I broke his nose I was ready to explode and disfigure his face. He had smacked my goats belly, he hit her so harshly that she jumped back and produced a feeble cry-he just laughed it off and continued to vandalize and harass my goat while I stranded in the Corner-I learned I was a coward.

After he left, I went to visit my goat. I offered her some greens, he sniffed the greens, looked up at me and then walked away to sit in a corner. I felt hurt like never before, I felt rejected, but mostly I felt like a coward. I sat next to her and pet her praying to God that she'd feel how sorry I was and forgive me. I pet her for a long time but she did not look at me nor did she eat the food I offered her. I was hurt and I was miserable, I told my mother that my goat was mad at me because I did not protect her and asked her to provide me with a solution. My mother merely laughed and told me that she was an animal she could not feel such emotions or act that way, she was an animal! But she was wrong of course because my goat was mad at me I knew it and I was going to do everything I could to make her forgive me.

Day after day, I went to her in an attempt to seek forgiveness but she rejected me every day, she would not eat the food I offered her, she did not move her head to encourage me to pet her, she did not call out to me anymore. I had lost my friend.

 A week after I had stopped trying to win her back, I was passing by the garage and peeked in to see what the goat was doing (I hadn't been with her for about a week). She was struggling to get to the bucket of water that was kept only out of her reach. With no one else in sight to help her, I quickly moved the bucket closer to her and filled it up again. Just as I was about to leave, I tried to feed my goat in a tired last attempt to seek her forgiveness. I don't think I had even been happier than I was at that moment when she ate the plants I offered her. we had rekindled our friendship.

After that, I offered her extra love and care to cover for my act of cowardice.   we settled back into our same Routine-I spent most of my time with her much to my mother's disapproval (her child was spending most of her time around an animal whilst ignoring all other obligations so of course she disapproved) but I felt so connected to her in multiple ways that I cannot explain. After all, in a way she was my very first pet and the very first animal that I eased up to.

2 days before eid, our whole family was sitting in a lounge-everyone was showing each other the outfits they had purchased for the eid. unexpectedly my father started yelling while on-call with someone, something about a Kasai. Now I had no idea what a 'Kasai' was and so curiously I asked my mom which was, well it was a mistake. when she did explain to me what a 'Kasai' was and what was to happen to eid day it took me a few seconds to process the information that had just entered my ears, and when I tell you I let out the most alarming, loud, deafening scream a 7-year-old could manage boy you better believe me. Everyone around me dropped whatever they were doing and rushed in my direction. I was inconsolable, I was launching around like the devil itself had possessed my body.

Now obviously it was my mum threatening to strike me with a chapel that helped calm me down but the tears never stopped, and what exactly do you expect when you tell a child that you were going to kill their dear friend and have it for breakfast, lunch and dinner, OBVIOUSLY I WAS FUCKING TRAUMATISED. I was not allowed to see my goat after that because my parents were so sure that I would let her lose and now....of course I would that'd be the most human thing to do. Now I was young so I didn't know how to pray (in that moment I wished someone had taught me) but as my mom was consoling me she said, “we can make dua for the goat so that her soul is taken painfully", A DUA yes of course I could make dua for her. I prayed that somehow her rope gets lose and then she run so far away from here, where no one would hurt her.

I woke up the next day and she was still there- boy oh boy I was heartbroken but I did NOT stop praying. And then came the day of the eid, I was so busy getting ready and obsessing over my churian that was for a while I forgot about my god but then came my father bearing bad news- the Kasai was here (yes I did start crying again). I stayed glued to my mother covering my ears because I knew I couldn't bear hearing her last cry, by then my mother somewhat was aware of the pain I was enduring and let me clutch on to her dupatta.

I never knew my father's disappointed face could excite me this much-now I just wanted him to finally tell us what the bad (good) news was. "the goat is pregnant", the goat was pregnant THE GOAT WAS PREGNANT.  We didn't sacrifice the goat; she was sold to the Kasai at a loss. My dad was not happy about purchasing meat from the market when everyone else was enjoying the meat of their sacrificed animal- but I was so thrilled I didn't even bother to hide it for the sake of my family, why should I? my friend was alive (and pregnant).

 Anyways, I never got close to another sacrificial animal after that, I never even went out to see it and over the years family assumed that I was scared of animals and I let them believe that because telling them the real story behind it would be ALOT of effort (it actually would not be too much effort but the whole story sounds stupid to me and knowing my family I know they would use it against me to perhaps ridicule me and the story is too close to my heart and painful enough that I do not want to turn it into a joke).  I think the whole thing influenced me more than I'd like to admit and allowed me to learn things about myself that I wanted to avoid.

[leah-halliwell92]

Too Much Love Can Kill You

Summary: Soul marks are found through touch and song, one must sing to find their half and touch completes their connection. To reject your mark is to sentence them to death. you have been on tour with Brian, Roger and Rufus for a year and have known them for nearly four. What happens when you find out along the way that you are the mark of one Brian May?

Previously:

Roger saw this and sat back holding back a smirk of his own.

‘Aim, shoot, kill,’ he thought as he saw Brian go from listener and friend to your soul mark.

“So…” Brian began almost jovially, “You’d have willingly taken part in your daughter’s murder?”

–//–Meanwhile with the moms and kids –//–

“Mom…not Brian,” you say as you get up and make a dash for the door.

Rufus gave the women a smirk and followed after his sister.

Your mother exchanged looks with Sarina who not a moment later was staring slack yawed at the doorway.

“She didn’t mean Brian (Mother’s name)…she meant Roger,” Sarina said before she settled on a smirk and said, “Let’s take our time going back down.”

Your mother nodded and arm in arm the women took their time going back to the lounge.

Prologue – Chapter 1– Chapter 2 – Chapter 3 — Chapter 4 – Chapter 5 –Chapter 6 – Chapter 7 – Chapter 8 – Chapter 9 – Chapter 10 – Chapter 11– Chapter 12 – Chapter 13 – Chapter 14 – Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Sarina and your mother bumped into you and Rufus waiting for the elevator. 

“I thought you’d be downstairs by now,” Sarina said with a grin.

Rufus laughed and said, “We want to remember our childhood days and waited for mum like good kids.”

You slapped him playfully on the shoulder and laughed before saying, “She’s been busy for the past few minutes.”

The older ladies nod and the group then start talking about you and how you were as a child.

Sarina was not at all surprised to hear you were more than a handful as a little one. Nor was she surprised to hear that you were all for the underdog as you are now. What she was surprised to hear was about the time the school dean caught you and your friends smoking weed behind the bleachers. 

“It was one time,” you said with a huff, “The high was soooo much better than coming down. People just don’t tell you that when you go for the first hit.”

Rufus nodded at that equally as enlightened by his sister’s history as Sarina is. 

The elevator doors opened and the group still sharing anecdotes here and there about you and your childhood. It was fun to hear some of the stories reminding you that not all was as dark as it seemed. There are definitely some of those you’d tell Brian later; but you need to make sure everyone is alive for that. 

The sound of your phone ringing silenced the chatter. 

Rufus looked at your phone and laughed. 

“What!?” You said hitting him and sliding the phone open to answer it.

“You wouldn’t happen to be on your on your way down would you?” Mr. Carrey asked. 

“I am why?” You say brow furrowed.

“Your father has proceeded to dig is grave deeper,” he said anxiously, “Your mark is attempting to restrain Mr. Taylor as your father explains something to them.”

“The doors are opening I’m on my way,” you say and hang up breaking into a sprint to the hotel’s coffee lounge. You ran in to find Brian nearly siting Roger as the shorter man struggled to lunge over the table at your father. 

“What’s going on here!?” You asked anxiously. 

Roger nodded angrily in your father’s direction. 

Brian resumed his seat and proceeded to pull on on his lap. You could feel his tense frame relax as soon as you sat on his lap. His right hand found its way under your shirt onto the skin of your back and his left your free hand. 

The warmth that seeped through your bond did wonders for the both of you. You relaxed into his embrace nearly melting onto his side and he in return relaxed even more, despite the evident anger and discomfort that still clung to him. 

“I’ll ask again,” you say as you see your mother, Sarina and Rufus come in and retake their seats, “What is going on here?”

“We asked your father quite seriously if he’d have willingly taken part in your murder,” Brian said calmly. 

You weren't fooled. He might look outwardly calm but he is anything but, if how tight his grip on your hand give you a hint. 

“He said that ‘you’d have agreed and that it wasn’t murder if you agreed’,” Roger said through gritted teeth. 

You mother visibly paled at this and shuddered before gathering herself as much as she could and said, “You know as well as I do that she would have never agreed to the union (Father’s Name).”

Your father scoffed and said, “(Y/N) would have done it because it was a fare trade her hand for her education.”

Brian scoffed loudly at this and said, “That is not an answer.”

“So quit hiding behind what you wanted her to do and answer the question,” Roger said cooly. 

Your mother broke into painful sobs before hitting you father again over and over crying out, “You’d have let her die you bastard!”

“What was it?” Roger asked in disbelief, “The free education too much to pass up?”

“No!” Your father yelled as Sarina went to your mother, “She needed to be brought down to earth again. School and marriage would have done that.”

Out of nowhere you began to laugh...and laugh and laugh. Tears began to fall as the realization that yes your father would have practically sold you not only to save face but to prove that that was all you needed to be the type of successful he wanted you to be. 

Brian pulled you closer, as close as your current sitting position allowed, and let you sob as the truth washed over you in icy waves. 

Your mother stood from her seat and ran to you wrapping you in her arms. 

Brian allowed your mother to hold you and give you some time to gather yourself. 

You gently pulled away from your mother and stood up. You took a napkin from the table and wiped your eyes and nose. 

“I think we’re done here,” You say as strongly as you can, “And if you really think I’d have let you sell me then you are wrong. And if there had been the chance of such a union happening the only down to Earth bringing you’d have been privy too would have been my burial.”

“Don’t you talk to your father that way,” Your father said angrily. 

“Oh stop it (Father’s Name),” your mother said, “You wanted to keep her so close to the vest that you’ve yet to realize...”

“You lost me the moment you plotted an arranged marriage between two unmatched individuals so you didn’t have to pay a dime for university schooling,” You finished for her, “Jacob was a good boy, everyone in this town knew he was. But he changed and not for the better. A child needs to see he is loved and have a stable environment for there to be a good upbringing. Jacob’s life was turned upside down when his mother died and Jacob Senior took over both work and raising Jake.”

“And you know as well as I do that Old Jacob is as clinical as they come,” Your mother said voice icy, “That boy...that sweet gentle boy was broken when his mother died and instead of seeking help Old Jacob let that fester and the fact that he is a cold and clinical man did not help that.”

“Dad the fact that he has a record for aggression should have told you everything,” you say quietly. 

This raised everyone’s heads in question and shock. 

“You didn’t think I didn’t keep an eye out for my once best friend?” You said challenging your father, “Jake not only has anger management issues but can be more than a little possessive when it comes to things he considers his.”

“This is what your mother meant when she said that he’d rather see you dead than with someone else,” Rufus said in awe. 

You nodded with a sad look on your face then said, “And it pains me to see that my own father would rather see me dead than happy all because he had a plan and it didn’t go the way he wanted.”

Brian stood and took your hand in his.

You looked up to him and nodded at the silent question asked through the bond. 

“Bye dad it was nice seeing you,” you say shooting him a sad smile before making your way out of the lounge. 

Everyone left sitting stood and followed after you including, to your father’s surprise, your mother. 

It was afternoon already and you needed to get ready to head to the concert hall.

You came to a sudden stop when you felt your phone vibrate you look down at the still locked phone to read that Etta had seen Jake leave the florist and is heading to the hotel. 

“Well isn’t this a surprise,” Brian says with a knowing grin.

“What?” You ask about to put your phone away. 

Brian was faster and took it from you pressing on the home button to show the picture on the front. 

“What! I like that picture,” you say reaching for your phone only to have Brian move to avoid you getting it. 

“What picture?” Roger asked now curious. 

((Picture is above))

“This,” Brian says showing his bro the picture. 

“Well if it isn’t Brianna May in all her glory!” Roger says with a laugh.

“Dad...ring her phone,” Rufus said with a cheeky smirk. 

“Nope!” you say and nearly jump to get the phone back.

This spurred Roger on and you groaned as ‘I’m in Love With My Car’ blared from your phone and a picture of Rogerina popped up.

Rufus was nearly on the floor from how hard he was laughing. 

Sarina and your mother looked on fondly at the moment before breaking into their own peels of laughter. 

“Im so changing the pictures when we get home,” you grumbled as Brian gave you back your phone.

“No need for that my love,” Brian said kissing the crown of your head, “I’m flattered that you’d love me in any way, shape and form.”

You grumbled under your breath and nearly groaned when your mother said, “I’ll have to tell you about her musical crushes, well more like crush, sometime.”

“Oh really?” Roger said with a waggle of his brows and a chuckle from Brian. 

“They don’t need to hear that story mom,” you say trying to dissuade that particular story. 

The light atmosphere seemed to die as soon as an all too familiar voice said, “(Y/N)? Little (First Name) (Last Name) is that you? My God when I heard that you were in town I had to come see for myself.”

You all turn to see Jake Parker standing there with a bouquet of flowers and charming smile. 

–//–

If you wanna be tagged shoot me an ask!!! Thanks for reading don’t forget to like and reblog!!!! Feedback is always appreciated!!

–//–

Tag List: @pansexualqueendarling, @queenattheopera, @brianandthemays, @theborhapboysawakenedmywhatever, @ramibaby, @captain--americanna, @awkwardangelshezza, @avengerraven1023, @danamaleksworld, @pastywhiteperson, @readinghorn, @i-was-born-like-this, @redspecialstardust, @reedusteinrambles, @readinghorn, @subbysharkbabe, @capan-devereaux, @bowieandqueen11, @bellamy1998, @reedusteinrambles, @simply-sams-things, @sincerelygmg, @bleu-jean-baby, @brian-mayonnaise, @0hour9am, @toomuchtellyneck, @kimanne723, @sincereleygmg, @kyleetheeditor, @glamrockmonarch, @rawyld, @queensdivas, @crazylittlethingcalledobsession, @rogertaylorsfalsettogivesmehives, @phoenixqueen07, @ohmybribri​, @jennyggggrrr​, @jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels​, @painkiller80​

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 85

Chapter Summary -  Danielle and Tom wake up after finally being able to sleep properly again, but the day is anything but easy.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog​ @jessibelle-nerdy-mum​ @nonsensicalobsessions​ @damalseer​ @hiddlesbitch1​ @winterisakiller​ @fairlightswiftly​ @salempoe​​ @wolfsmom1​​

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

Tom woke after sleeping soundly for the first time in over a week. Danielle was curled up against him, her fingers gripping his t-shirt as she seemed adamant to keep him next to her.

They had enjoyed their meal in the pub, it was as delicious as she had said it would be, their conversation, since they had discussed the serious matters in the car, was light-hearted and pleasant; Tom telling her about Milan and some of the clothes he had seen and Danielle telling him of what occurred in Ireland during her time there.

He shifted slightly and Danielle groaned, her head getting tucked in more next to his shoulder. "That is not an overly comfortable place to be." He smiled.

"I beg to differ, it's a great place to be."

"How long are you awake?" Tom questioned, noticing her sleep was neither slurred nor half incoherent as it tended to be immediately after she woke.

"A few minutes."

"You said nothing."

"I didn't want to, I just wanted to relax like this."

"I can relate." Tom looked around the room, it was dated, but in an antique manner. "So this is your grandparents' house?"

"Yep, my dad was born in this room."

"Really?"

"Mmhmm, my aunts and uncle too."

"Wow, what about the hospital?"

"Tom, the nearest hospital is over an hour away in Galway, my grandparents didn't have a car, my dad would have been starting school by the time she'd have walked there." Tom chuckled next to her. "It was the done thing, you had them at home with a neighbour helping."

"You said your grandparents were farmers?"

"Yeah, the farm sheds are mostly gone, but there are a few outhouses left. The fields were sold by Nan so she'd be able to keep the house after granddad died, hence why this little acre is going to be worth a pittance." She stretched. "I better get ready for the auctioneers actually." she made to move but Tom stopped her, his cerulean blue eyes filled with lust. "Tom, we can't," she warned; her voice a whisper. The night before they had been tired on their return from the airport and their stop for dinner meant they were late getting back, so they stripped to their underwear and had fallen asleep quickly.

"I know," He acknowledged, Danielle had warned him that the walls were thin at best and her cousin was in the next room and she knew her aunt would be there soon. It was one thing to be in a bed together, something she knew Bernadette would be angered by anyway, but if they were heard doing anything, that would only cause issues. "But you know what we have not done in a week?" Danielle's brows furrowed. "I have not kissed you." he leant over her, looking for permission to kiss her silently.

"If we do, will you control yourself?" She asked quietly.

"I have little choice." leaning up, she pressed her lips to his, a sensual moan escaping her as she did so. "Okay, enough; I can't, not if you are making noises like that, if you are going kiss me like that, I will…" Tom pulled back.

"Yes, I can feel that." She grinned, implying she could feel a very hard and eager appendage on her thigh.

"You can hardly blame me, I have you back." He smiled, looking down at her before his face went solemn. "I am so sorry about…"

"It's done." Tom's brow furrowed. "Though next time we have an argument, don't try and use sex as a Band-Aid."

"I wasn't trying to, I just wanted to show you how much I love you." He explained. "I hope there isn't a 'next time'."

"We will argue Tom," She scoffed, he toyed with his hair, "We just need to deal with it better."

"I like how you say 'we'." He smiled. "So many people, myself included, can be unable to look at their actions."

"No one is perfect Tom."

"I come fairly close though, right?" He joked.

"Maybe to some of your crazier fans, but I know you better." Danielle kissed him again. "I better get up for the auctioneer."

"This room is cosy," Tom commented, watching as Danielle got some clothes out of her suitcase.

"This whole house is really, wait until you see everything. We came in in darkness, you have not seen it properly yet." she grinned.

Curiosity got the better of him and Tom got out of bed too. "I know this might seem vain, but your cousin…"

"Yes, she was staring at your ass yesterday," Danielle laughed.

"You aren't…"

Danielle tied the button of her jeans and zipped them up before coming over and cupping one of Tom's ass cheeks. "Well, it just happens I am with the man that won 'rear of the year', I have to accept that that can mean girls are going to be staring at your ass from time to time. I am also aware that a considerable amount of people are somewhat interested in the this," She snaked her hand to his crotch, "And you, in general."

"Out of curiosity, is it a dislike of doing anything in your grandmother's house in general or when others are here."

"The former," Tom swore. "You sound like someone who is going to suffer 'blue balls'," she scoffed.

"I may just, I have my sexy girlfriend and a desperate want to show her in a very thorough manner, just how much I care for her in every way." He said in a sexy voice.

Danielle was about to say something else when raised voice caught their attention. "The hell?" Tom finished putting on his pants and she opened the door, as soon as she listened to the no longer muffled voices, she groaned. "Bernadette is back."

"Your aunt?" Danielle nodded. "Was she supposed to be gone?"

"Herself and her husband Kevin were supposed to come back this morning after dropping Laura and Richard to Galway," Danielle told him. "Jesus, this is going to be fifty shades of bullshit now, she is going to be an absolute bitch." More arguing began, causing Danielle to listen to the words being spoken. "Oh?"

"Elle?"

"You know what, I think we better go down." Tom looked at her in confusion, "Laura needs saving."

"I thought you didn't really like her."

"I don’t have anything in common with her and we are not close, but I don't dislike her and right now, she needs someone to take some attention off her," Danielle explained. Unsure why Danielle was being so kind as to allow herself be a scapegoat, Tom tied his shoes and walked out the door behind her, on hearing what an older woman was effectively shouting at her daughter, he immediately agreed with Danielle's choice to go downstairs.

"And where is he in all of this, or is there even a he?" Bernadette demanded of her oldest daughter.

"There probably is a he, otherwise we've got the second coming happening in Galway, fuck Mayo and their beloved sighting of our Lady in Knock." Danielle scoffed walking into the sitting room. "And could you keep it down, there are people on Croagh Patrick that can probably hear you."

"You keep out of this," Bernadette warned.

"I would believe me, only as someone with a background in a medical field, I know the damage to the health of a pregnant woman that stress can cause, but you are being so loud it is involving me and you are making a holy show of yourself, which is utterly embarrassing for me."

"What embarrassment to you, this is nothing to do with you?" Bernadette dismissed. A moment later, Tom entered the room, doing his best to seem unphased by the horrible atmosphere and demeanour. "Who is he? Some hitchhiker you found on the side of the road last night I suppose."

"Yeah, I thought it wise to bring a random stranger home with me," Danielle stated sarcastically. "This is my boyfriend, his name is Tom and I can say here and now that though his family has never been anything but lovely to me, you have, in thirty seconds, embarrassed yourself in front of him, from your manner or lack thereof to your daughter, me and indeed him, so cheers for that anyway Bernie, and if you have nothing better to say or do, I would ask that you talk and not yell as we are all in the one house, which, though you seem to think is the size of Kilkenny Castle is actually a small farm cottage, so you know, we can hear you." Danielle walked into the kitchen, not saying any more to her family as her aunt stared at her in anger, her uncle looked at Tom as if wondering how he had not noticed the other man in the time they had been at the cottage, while Laura, who had been upset, stared at him as she tried to recognise how she knew him.

Tom, who felt incredibly awkward, gave a small nod of his head and walked into the kitchen after her. "She's as lovely as you described," Danielle said nothing. "Elle?"

"I'm sorry," She gave him a smile that was more of a grimace. "I literally look like I come from absolute mud."

Tom put his arms around her, "No, you warned me about your aunt and I met Siobhan and spoke to Richard who are both normal, well, Siobhan is a tad mental, but she is a nice person, so I know that you come from a normal family, but every family has that one person, they are not always a snob, but there is something about them that makes them less than pleasant," he kissed her head. "Though she's a special case on many levels."

"You have no idea." Danielle groaned.

"This house is gorgeous." Tom looked around. "Exactly everything I imagined a small farming homestead to be."

"Look out the window." Danielle pulled the curtain back. The design of the house meant Tom had to stoop down, the way he inhaled confirmed Danielle's idea of how he would take it. "That's why I love it here."

"Now I understand why you moved to Suffolk."

"It is a lot like here."

"Did you live nearby?"

"Not too far, a few kilometres away, a bit closer the water."

"Will you bring me there?"

"If you want, today is fairly full-on, but we will have to get a few bits, so we can pass it on the way to the shops." Danielle smiled before sensing someone in the doorway, looking around, she saw Laura. "You okay?"

"Thank you."

"Where's your Mam?"

"Gone to the car to call Uncle Richard that you have some 'dirty Brit' staying in Nan's room with you."

"Well then, at least you're not the only slut for the laundry." Danielle winked.

"Were those things actually real?" Tom asked, horrified.

"Yes, they were," Danielle informed him, causing Tom to shiver. "Tom, this is Siobhan's sister Laura, Laura, this is my boyfriend, Tom." Danielle introduced them to one another. Laura waved from the doorway. "How far along…?"

"Ten weeks, I thought I wasn't suffering too badly so I could come, but she went snooping my bag and found my folic acid and my appointment card," Laura explained.

"Bitch," Danielle growled. "What's your plan now?"

"I rang Julia, she's coming to collect me, Evan is going to meet me in Galway."

"Good, look after yourself, forget your Mam, you've someone else more important that needs you." Danielle smiled.

"Are you okay, mum is going for you in this thing."

Danielle winked at her, "I can handle Bernie, I have my dad's stubbornness and my mam's bitchiness."

"She always hated your mum."

"The feeling, I can assure you, was mutual."

Laura gave another small wave. "I am going to flee while she is on the phone having a conniption." She turned to see someone behind her. "Hey."

"Ready, I have the kids in the car?"

"Yeah, thanks, Julie."

"No problem, who is…?"

"Danielle and her boyfriend."

"Danielle has a...?" As another one of Danielle's cousin's poked her head in the door, her face turned to one of shock. "TOM HIDDLESTON!"

"Who?" Laura looked at Tom again.

"You…but…Danielle…Him…"

"Yes, he is Tom Hiddleston," Danielle confirmed.

"You are going out with Tom Hiddleston, you, Danielle, my cousin?"

"Yes." Danielle nodded.

"How?"

"I lived next door to his mother, we know each other a few years."

"You never said anything," Julia stated indignantly.

"In all fairness, who'd have believed me?" Danielle laughed. Julia continued to stare. "You're married with kids." Danielle reminded her. That did not stop Julia from staring. "Go, before your Mam is off the phone." Danielle encouraged.

"Wait, so he is famous, my mind isn't messing with me?" Laura asked.

Danielle sighed. "You literally asked Siobhan two days ago if she would see the new Kong movie with you."

"Wait, he's THAT actor…how did you…?"

Danielle shook her head. "As you can see," She turned slightly, Tom still had his hand on her waist, "my extended family thinks so much of me."

"But you're normal," Laura said, as though it was some type of defence.

"Well, I feel special." Danielle scoffed. "Thank you both, you are so good for the old confidence."

"But, he was with Taylor Swift…"

"Yes, was, now I have upgraded, substantially." Tom smiled politely, bringing Danielle closer to him.

"You have all the luck," Julia growled.

"Yes, I do." Danielle grinned. "Now, we are coming again soon so if you want a proper conversation, we'll meet then, as for now, you need to leave."

She's right, come on." Julia insisted, ushering Laura to the door. "You alright to handle Bernie?"

"I'm Mattie Hughes's daughter."

"Uncle Mattie always kept her in her box."

"Now it's my turn." Julia went outside, a cold comment to Bernadette as she did.

"She'll be in in a second," Danielle sighed.

Tom kissed her head, "You're able for her." Danielle gave a non-committal noise, "Will they say anything?"

"Does it really matter?" She heard Bernadette coming in. "Here we go." She inhaled deeply.

"In my mother's room." She began in disgust.

"Well, you want to sell the house so if me having my boyfriend in her room is a desecration to her, your going against her command to not sell this house will have her turning in her grave."

"Your father would be sickened."

Danielle felt her pulse race, "Yes he would, that his sister would think she can decide for the whole family what is to happen because she wants more money, a woman that doesn't know a days work getting up her own arse and for what, to keep up with people that wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire." She spat. "My dad would only care that I am happy and three seconds in Tom's company and I know he and Mam would be delighted. You hated dad, though that means nothing, you hate everyone, and now your daughter is having a baby that will have to realise that you are a twisted bitch too, so just go and get a loan like the rest of us and leave nan's alone."

"I will do no such thing you little tramp," Bernadette hissed, "And it's going to happen, so you better get out of the way."

"I can't actually, I have a realtor on his way." Bernadette's eyes bulged. "Oh, didn't Uncle Richard tell you? I am getting the house looked at, so it can get a proper assessment. I know you had your friend's son give a price, which I know it is fifty thousand over market value for anything in the area, so I am having a guy from McCarthy's in Galway take a look at it to make sure anything that any assessment given is a proper one." Bernadette looked at her in disgust. "So, you can stay or go, but I am staying, and I am getting it priced honestly. Then we will get back to you about it."

Bernadette looked to Tom, "What are you even bothering with her for?"

"Well personally, I find Elle to be a beautiful, intelligent and wonderful person to be around, my family adore her and in truth, I find her strength and independence to be exceptionally alluring."

"Too many big words for her there," Danielle warned. "Tea?"

"Please, darling." He smiled back. "Is there any porridge?" the pair began readying their breakfast as Bernadette became more enraged at their lack of attention to her and stormed off. "Luke will have heart failure with you yet."

"I know, I am worried for him."

"Are you serious you want too…?"

"Yes," She confirmed. Tom smiled at her lovingly. "You're all clear." At that, he frowned.

A moment later, Siobhan snuck out of the back room that held the washing machine. "Phew, so what are we having for breakfast?" She asked walking over, before turning to Tom "Ooh, is Chris single?"

"He's married, remember." Danielle reminded her.

"This is Marvel, there are about thirty guys called Chris." She retorted.

[iuinspires]

Love Poem in Singapore: My Second IU Concert

On 6 Dec 2019, I was blessed with the opportunity of seeing IU perform live for the second time at her Love Poem concert tour in Singapore.

I must confess that in some ways, things didn't go smoothly for me: ticketing was somewhat traumatic, because the tickets for the original 7 Dec Saturday show sold out within an hour of release, even before I had logged on to the site (sorry for underestimating your popularity, IU!); after I secured a Friday ticket, I couldn't help fretting about whether I could get to the concert venue from work on time; when I reached the concert hall, I realised I had missed out on collecting the SG Heart IU fan support items and the free IU postcard from the concert organizer; and towards the end of the show, my phone ran low on storage and battery so I couldn't take further audio recordings.

Yet there was a silver lining to everything: getting a Friday ticket turned out to be blessing in disguise because of a family commitment cropping up which would have made attending the Saturday show a challenge; my day at work turned out to be fairly peaceful and productive, so I did leave work on time; not having the fan support items prompted me to initiate a conversation with a fellow uaena; and not being burdened with the need to record everything allowed me to focus purely on enjoying the show. Above all, no number of minor obstacles could detract from the wonderful experience of seeing IU again. So let me try once again to document my precious memories, before they slowly fade with the passing of time.

Pre-concert

So on the fateful day of 6 Dec, I woke with a feeling of great joy and anticipation; all day at work, it took supreme discipline to rein in my feelings of excitement to concentrate on my tasks. Thankfully, I left on time and rushed down to the concert venue from my workplace by train. As I walked from the train station to Star Vista, I was quite amused to spot a number of people selling (selfmade?) IU posters and merchandise along the roadside, but  refrained from stopping to avoid the risk of being late. It seemed that everyone around me was making their way to the concert as well, for they were all holding IU concert tickets or knick knacks.

As I was queuing to get to the concert hall, I took the chance to observe the profile of my fellow uaenas again. I noticed that compared to last year, where the nationalities of the concert goers were distinctly varied, this year's crowd seemed to be predominantly Singaporean - probably a direct result of IU having more Southeast Asian stops in this year's tour. It made me glad that IU did have a sizable Singaena fanbase after all, that was sufficiently large to sell out two days !

When I was seated in the hall, I realised that everyone except myself was holding on to IU postcards and fanchant guides. I was also puzzled about where the SG Heart IU fingerlights were, which I had assumed would be at the seats. I plucked up the courage to ask the fellow uaena next to me where she had got hers, and she said she had picked them at the bag check area (sorry SG Heart IU, for not reading admin instructions properly!) I spent the next few minutes feeling dismayed at the thought of not being able to being able to do my part for the fan support - but the feeling of disappointment was soon replaced by excitement when the IU band members made their way to the stage to screams from the crowd. There was no sign of IU yet though - until the fellow uaena next to me nudged me excitedly and said, "Look, I think that's her!" From our circle seats we had a fairly good view of the whole stage including the curtained areas, and there, indeed, was a familiar, petite figure peeking out from backstage. I don't think anyone else noticed though, or there would have been wild screams! My heart skipped a beat, and I was too dumbstruck with excitement to respond. (To my fellow uaena, if you are reading this, I'm sorry - I didn't mean to be rude!)

Opening segment

Before we knew it, the lights dimmed, and IU emerged on an elevated platform under a spotlight in the middle of the stage, singing the upbeat, cheery opening line of "unlucky" in her clear, sweet voice. She looked lovely and girlish with a white flower in her long, flowing tresses, clad in a soft, frilly yellow dress speckled with blue flowers (an image which for some reason was reminiscent of Lee Soon Shin to me.)

I guess for me, the opening is always one of the most emotional and special moments of an IU concert. For overseas fans like myself who hardly get to see IU, there is something incredibly surreal about seeing that familiar figure and hearing that familiar voice in person. I can still recall how overwhelmed I was when I saw IU for the first time at last year's concert - in fact I now associate the opening song "Red Shoes" with the feeling of euphoria, and for the same reason, "unlucky" will have a special place in my heart as well. The audience shared my joy too, for it went absolutely wild with rapturous screams at the sight of IU, and kept up with this energy level throughout the concert.

IU moved on to a lovely acoustic rendition of Palette, before greeting the audience in a mix of Korean and English. She introduced herself as "IU who loves so much Singapore" - an awkward turn of phrase, but all the more adorable because of that! She expressed her happiness at being in Singapore for a second time, and talked about how this was her favourite venue (because of the "atmosphere, sound, mood...and the colour of the chairs - very red"). She also made us raise our hands to indicate whether we were here last year, and when most of us did so, she marvelled at how we have "so much loyalty here in Singapore".

For the rest of the segment, she sang "Autumn Morning", "Friday" and "Secret Garden". I recall IU had mentioned in one of her concert stops in Korea that for the opening segment, she had deliberately chosen songs that would allow the audience to focus on her vocals. And indeed, the songs were perfect for showcasing the light and mellow side of her voice. Before singing Autumn Morning, she told us to imagine the following: "blue sky, the children, lovely family, lovely mum, lovely dad...lazy son" (to which everyone burst out laughing). And when she started singing the first two lines of the song acapella, her voice pure, clear and gentle, I did feel as though I had been transported to a temperate country on a crisp autumn morning with fresh air and bright sunlight.

The theme of nature continued with "Secret Garden", where IU stood in front of a gorgeous projection of lush greenery, and behind three panels of silvery light that seemed like cascading waterfalls. It was a breathtaking sight that complemented the beauty of the song and IU's voice, and created an enduring image which will always come to mind whenever I hear "Secret Garden" now. It was also a fitting end to the first segment with its mix of sweet, uplifting and lyrical ballads.

Segment two

One of things I admire most about IU as an artist is her versatility, and she demonstrated this in the second segment with a setlist that had a completely different mood and vibe from the first. If the first segment was about showcasing IU's light and sweet voice, the second part was a chance to show off the sultry and husky side of her vocals. She kickstarted the segment with "The Visitor", a slow but groovy number with edgy and sensuous vibes. It's my favourite song in IU's latest album, and hearing it live was absolutely thrilling! IU was dressed to match the mood as well, clad in a blouse with bold prints matched with a short black skirt, hidden teasingly beneath a loose, draping coat, and with a sparkly black beret and boots to complete the look.

For the rest of the segment, IU performed a mix of her more groovy tracks and lively dance numbers: "Jam Jam", "Twenty-Three", "BBIBBI", "Hold my Hand", "Last Night Story" and "Blueming". I generally gravitate towards IU's ballads, but I actually found myself enjoying this segment the most. Other than IU's charismatic and energetic stage presence, I was  buoyed by the audience's infectious enthusiasm; even for a reserved person like myself, it felt exhilarating to be singing and cheering along with a huge crowd, bound by our shared love for the little bean onstage. IU commended us for our high energy level as well, commenting a number of times on how passionate and "high-tensioned" Singaenas were and how enthusiastically everyone was waving their lightsticks. At some point she teased someone for waving her lightstick at two times the speed of everyone else - "Maybe your hand will be less painful if you sway it together with the audience". Our deafening fanchants for BBIBBI also prompted her to declare Singapore as "the hometown for BBIBBI".

Another notable moment was during "Blueming", where the the SG Heart IU fan event was pulled off successfully. The audience in the stall seats turned on their colour-changing rose-shaped lights, turning the concert hall into a beautiful illuminated field of multi-coloured flowers - a perfect tribute to the million blooming roses referenced in "Blueming". IU commented later that she had initially thought that the audience was waving her official lightstick, before realising that it was a fan event, which she described as "the cutest" ever, and very pretty. Even though I was a little sad that I wasn't part of the fan event, I felt really happy seeing how nice it looked, and how it brought a smile to IU's face.

Segment three

IU started off the third segment with the heartwarming singalong favourite Meaning of You, which the audience sang with great gusto. She looked elegant in a long-sleeved, ankle-length white dress that was old fashioned but classy - my favourite outfit for the night.

The highlight of this segment came when IU announced that she had a present for us - an idea which came to her only two days ago, and which the team had to prepare in a rush. The audience stirred with excitement, and I was filled with anticipation too, expecting a local song which IU typically prepares for her overseas concerts. But we were all in for a bigger surprise when IU said: "Please don’t think of me as a singer, but think of me as Jang Man Wol". She proceeded to seranade us with a medley of Hotel Del Luna OSTs ("Lean On Me", "All About You", "Remember Me", and most notably, "Happy Ending" with her self-written lyrics) while a video montage of Jang Man Wol and Goo Chan Sung moments played in the background. I was swooning internally, and I'm sure in the rest of the audience was too - especially the few ahjummas and ahjusshis I spied in the audience, whom I guessed might have been new fans from the drama!

After the medley ended, IU said her Korean fans would be really sad as she had never sung "Happy Ending" for them even when she requested it, and made us promise to keep this a secret from her K-uaenas. (Nice try, IU!) She also shared how close she was to the HDL team, whom she had watched Frozen 2 with recently, as well as her love and respect for Gummy (singer of Remember Me) - which hilariously created some confusion with the translation initially as the Korean pronunciation for "Gummy" also sounds like "spider".

IU then wrapped up this segment with two sentimental ballads - "Lullaby", and "Through the Night", another crowd favourite which I enjoyed singing along to as well. Before the last line - "I hope its a good dream", IU gently murmured "Singapore" - and for some reason that triggered a sudden surge of emotions in me. It brought to mind how two years ago, as a new fan, I wasn't sure if IU was even aware that she had fans in Singapore, and seeing her seemed all but a distant dream - and reminded me how lucky I was to have her here now, acknowledging our presence as fans.

Segment Four + Encore

IU returned in a sparkly dark coloured dress for the fourth segment, which began with "Sogyeokdong". IU commented that this was a song with underlying sadness, but Singaenas were still so excited that she coud not help excitedly waving her hands too - "I'm not a pro...Even when I'm singing ballads, I can't control myself". (It's ok to be slightly unprofessional at times IU, it makes us even happier when you are happy!)

"Sogyeokdong" was followed by "Red Shoes", which evoked a wave of nostalgia in me as it brought to mind the exciting opening for last year's concert. IU then said she would have to move on to the last song -  eliciting loud groans from the audience - to which IU chuckled and teased us for our "pro reaction". The purported last song was "Above the Time" - a song which I didn't like immediately when it was first released, but which I grew to love the more I listened to it. I have to add too, that it's a song that sounds absolutely amazing live, and gave me goosebumps listening to it then!

After IU left the stage, the audience promptly began to chant "encore" repeatedly. IU returned shortly after in a long gem-studded pink dress, laughing at how she didn't even have time to go to the washroom because of our immediate chants. She ended off with "Good Day" and her titular song "Love Poem", before leaving the stage.

Re-encore

A few audience members began to leave, but the vast majority were clearly seasoned fans who knew what to expect, for the loud chants for encore started again. After a brief interlude, the IU band members returned onstage, followed by IU, to wild cheers from the crowd. Being used to seeing IU's characteristically baggy shirts and oversized sweaters for her re-encores, I was surprised to see her dressed girlishly in a sweet cream-coloured sweater pulled over a pretty floral dress.

The re-encore started with "Heart", which IU sung with the audience, in keeping with uaena tradition. IU quipped that at overseas concerts, she enjoyed hearing the imperfect pronunciation of her international fans, but Singaenas were just too good in Korean. IU continued asking for song requests thereafter - but the screams were so loud I couldn't hear a thing! She settled on "Sleepless Rainy Night" (which I was delighted to hear), "Night of the First Breakup", before wrapping up with "Someday".

Post-concert reflections

The 2018 dlwlrma concert will always have a special place in my heart as my inaugural IU concert, but I think this year's Love Poem concert experience was even better.

For one, it felt more fun and intimate because IU was even more interactive with the audience this year. There were many hilarious moments - like when she teased a male fan for dancing very animatedly throughout the concert, and pronounced him the cutest guy in Singapore - or when she laughed at how a female fan responded to her in Korean when she spoke in English. The rapport between IU and the audience also felt even stronger this year - the audience demonstrated an energy level that seemed to surpass last year's - and you could see how IU in turn radiated with joy to see our enthusiasm. She regularly teased us about how loud we were, and at one point, also commented on how there seemed to be "no shade" in Singapore - meaning that everyone here seemed really happy. My heart was also full hearing her express her love for Singapore - she talked about her family holiday here in January this year, and how her brother liked it so much that he was seriously considering doing his exchange studies here (please do so, IU's brother!)

But above all, what I found most moving and meaningful was IU's introspective musings on sadness, happiness and love. She spoke of how during this year's concert tour, there was a bit of underlying sadness during each of her concert, but in today's concert, she was laughing all the way even for the sad songs, and there was no single space for sadness to come in. I felt a sense of relief hearing that - for prior to the concert, a part of me was worrying about how IU was coping with recent events - and whether she would be reining in her sadness to deliver the smiles and energy expected from her as a performer.

But I guess IU has always been a strong and resilient  person, and one to give love and provide healing words of comfort, as she did during my favourite part of her concert talk. I think paraphrasing her words might not do her justice, so let me just reproduce her words here:

"I come here only once a year so I don’t know in detail what kind of troubles you’re living with and what makes you sad, but I think that all people live with similar problems, similar troubles. Right? Anyway, when you feel dispirited and want to end everything, I wish that you think of our promise today: to meet me here next year. You have to remember! We promise. To meet here again next year, we will right? All promises are truly important right? Keep your promise! Day by day, if you live on breathing slowly, it will soon be next year, right? And I’ll come back again to make another promise, to meet here next year, and we keep our promise again, and again, and again, and again. Right? This will be easy. I’ll do it as well. Promise. I hope that today was a good day. I.. (hesitantly) love you."

IU went on to say that this was her first time saying I love you in English, and added, almost bashfully: "I adore you. I cherish you." When she said this, I felt my heart expand with a warm, fuzzy feeling of peace and joy.

Perhaps it was because of these uplifting words and IU's repeated reassurance that she would be back - and perhaps because the adrenaline from the infectious enthusiasm of my fellow uaenas had yet to subside - the post-concert blues didn't hit me immediately after the concert ended. I recall last year I had remained in my seat, feeling lost and empty, but this year, I left beaming as I made my way out of the concert hall with the rest of the crowd.

The post-concert blues did sink in a little the next day, as I relived my memories looking at other fancams - but mixed with this was a feeling of gratitude and joy at how blessed I had been.

Thank you IU, for giving love through your Love Poem concert, and I look forward to seeing you again next year.

[chuffyfan87]

An Offer I Can't Refuse. Part 7a

Cowritten with @fairheads.

-x-

Charlie woke the next morning in a lot of pain, he was now awake from his sedation and the reality of what had happened was sinking in. He wondered if he had dreamt the visit from Duffy and Megan, he felt very alone.

Duffy had intended to be back to see him first thing but her mum had chosen that day to be awkward so she'd been left trying to find someone to watch Peter. She'd finally resorted to leaving him in the department with Megan. Not the ideal solution but it was the only option.

Charlie had been resigned himself to the fact that no one would be visiting.

Peter seemed to know that his mum was struggling so was especially clingy. She finally managed to settle him to sleep in his buggy in the office so she could head upstairs.

Arriving in Charlie's room she was surprised to see him propped up slightly, though he appeared to be asleep.

Charlie sensed someone come into the room but assumed it was a nurse checking his obs so didn't bother to open his eyes, simply going back to sleep instead.

Not wanting to disturb him she quietly moved over to the chair beside the bed and sat down. She ran her hand through her hair, it had already been quite a day and it was only 11.45am!

When Charlie came to, Duffy was resting her head on his bed. He moved his fingers through her red hair.

Duffy jumped at the contact. She hadn't meant to fall asleep!

“Didn’t mean to scare you,” Charlie whispered, his voice sore from being tubed.

"You're awake?" She gasped.

“Hi,” He whispered, trying to reach for her, but grimacing in pain and twisting the wire of his cannula.

"Hey, take it steady! You had major surgery yesterday!" She scolded him gently.

“Hold my hand,” He said weakly.

She took hold of his hand and gave it a slight squeeze. "Do you remember what happened?"

“I was trying to help Megan, I didn’t mean for this, I’m sorry.”

"Even you can't outrun a speeding bullet Charlie."

Charlie looked down, feeling a little embarrassed. He’d only been trying to help his friend but he knew it must have frightened her.

"I'm sorry I couldn't stay with you last night."

“Peter?” He guessed.

Duffy nodded. "He's downstairs. Mum's in a mood with me again. Told me that I've made my bed so I can damn well lie in it now." She sighed.

“You okay?” He rubbed his thumb over her hand.

"I'm fine. I don't really have the choice to be anything else."

“Hey, Duffy...” He could tell she was putting a front on.

"I'll cope. I'll have to." She shrugged.

“I’m here for you,” He whispered.

"You need to look after yourself first."

“Let me look after you too, please.”

"I'm not the one who's just been shot..."

“You know what I thought just after it happened?”

"Boy aren't I stupid for getting shot?" She smirked darkly.

Charlie frowned at her. “No, I thought of you and our baby... And I thought that maybe I wouldn’t get to see either of you again. It frightened me.”

"You frightened me too." She admitted.

“Because Duffy, life without you in it, would be no life at all.” He whispered and tried again to reach over to her.

She moved slightly closer. "You're going to hurt yourself if you keep doing that!"

“I just want to be close to you. When are you going to let me in Duf? I’m trying my best here!”

"So am I!" Duffy huffed.

Charlie sat in silence, watching her intently.

"Do you realise how unnerving it is when you stare like that?" She asked softly.

“Sorry” Charlie closed his eyes, exhaling softly. He was too tired for this.

Duffy sighed. This wasn't how she'd intended for this visit to go.

“You should go, be with Peter.”

"You're throwing me out?"

“Never Duffy, but I don’t think you want to be here at the moment.”

"Mind reader now are you?" She sulked.

“What’s up?” He asked kindly, changing tacts.

"I came here today to apologise but you are just infuriating." She grumbled, folding her arms across the top of her bump.

“Must be the drugs,” He joked, trying to lighten the mood. “What were you going to say before I was infuriating?”

"You've always been infuriating!" She teased.

“I have?” He raised an eyebrow.

"Yes!" She giggled.

“You could say I drive you wild!” He winked.

"Keep telling yourself that..!"

“I will,” He grinned. “What were you going to apologise for anyway?”

"Trust you not to miss that bit..!"

“Duffy...”

"Fine!" She rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry that I've been so difficult recently."

“Difficult?”

"Pushing you away, not letting you help."

“Come here you...”

She shuffled as close as she could but the railing of his bed and her swollen belly made things a bit tricky.

“Argh this damn rail...” He tried to shuffle closer but grimaced.

"Its so you don't fall off..." Duffy pushed herself up to standing.

“At least if I fall out then I can reach you... You know you can push me away Duffy and shut me out as much as you like, but I’m not going anywhere. Even when I’m stuck in this bloody bed.”

"I'm not picking you up off the floor again." She shot back, not realising that she'd incriminated herself.

“You picked me up??” Hoping he’d heard her wrong.

"Not by myself..!" She stammered.

“You shouldn’t be lifting... And certainly not such a heavy lump as me!”

"Its ok, I was lifting your head." She smirked.

Charlie frowned at her.

Duffy sighed fidgeting slightly.

“Talk to me,” He placed his hand on hers.

"What do you want from me? From us?"

Charlie blew out a breath. “I think you know Duffy... I want to be with you, I want to support you, care for you, Peter and bump, I want you to trust me, I want to make you happy...” His voice trailed off.

She looked down at their hands. "I swore to myself that I wouldn't let myself fall in love again..." She whispered.

“Do you feel it though? Do you feel what I feel?”

"I don't want to get hurt again." Her eyes filled with tears.

“I know, I know it’s scary, but I’m not the same as the others, this doesn’t feel the same, it’s different, it’s special. I promise I won’t hurt you. Do you believe me?” He just about managed to reach her hip.

"I want to..."

“What’s stopping you?”

"Fear." She sighed.

“Don’t be scared, it’s me. Why don’t we take things slow?”

"Take things slow?" She echoed, her eyebrow raised as she rubbed her bump.

“Try to make a go of this properly, at your pace?” He moved his hand to her bump.

She chuckled as he was immediately rewarded by a kick.

“What do you say kid?” He looked up at Duffy.

"Which of us are you talking to?"

“Both of you, but mainly you...”

"When I told you about the sweepstake yesterday I didn't tell you the whole story..."

“Oh yeah...?”

"They're all trying to work out who the father of my baby is. You'll be pleased to know that you're ranking pretty high..."

Charlie grinned, “Good to hear it! I haven’t slept with anyone else in time we’ve been...” His voice tailed off.

She nodded. "Megan told me."

“I only want you Duffy. I’ll do anything to prove it to you...”

"Was this always your plan?"

“What? Getting shot? No, I don’t think I’d have chosen that!” He laughed.

"No." She rolled her eyes. "I meant was it always your plan to try and convince me to be your girlfriend?"

“It just happened, these feelings, I wouldn’t manipulate you...”

She smiled softly as she moved her hand to cover his.

“Think we can give it a go?”

"I can try..."

“That’s all I’m asking... Duffy? Give us a kiss?” He winked.

"You are incorrigible Charlie Fairhead!" She giggled.

“It’s only because I can’t move right now and I want to be close to you...” And he really meant it. She leant down and he kissed her tenderly, conveying everything he felt.

The romance of the moment was shattered by the sound of familar cries echoing down the corridor. A young nurse appeared at the door. "Nurse Roach is here with your baby. He's, um, very unsettled."

"I'm sorry..." Duffy told Charlie.

“It’s okay,” He smiled reassuringly.

When Duffy returned to the room several minutes later Peter was in her arms, his head laid on her shoulder and his thumb in his mouth. "He's not supposed to be in here but I pulled in a couple of favours." She smiled softly.

“It's good to see him! Hey little man, were you being noisy?”

Peter lifted his head slightly to look at Charlie before snuggling closer into Duffy. "Mama!" He asserted.

Charlie grinned, he loved seeing Duffy with Peter, she was a great mum.

"He's going through a bit of a possessive phase, I think he's realising things are going to change soon."

“He’s still going to be a very important little boy!”

"I'm not sure he'd completely sold on the idea of being a big brother." She chuckled.

Charlie laughed, “He’ll get used to it, he’ll make an excellent big brother.”

"I'm hoping that he'll quickly not be able to recall a time when it was just him."

“You will, won’t you clever boy?” Charlie smiled at the tot.

Duffy moved to try and sit down, Peter was now a year old and getting heavy to hold for long periods of time, especially when coupled with her advancing pregnancy. He quickly started to complain again at the awkward position his mother had to hold him in.

“Argh I wish I could take him for you, when can I get out of here?”

"It'll be a while yet." Duffy replied, attempting to move Peter to the other side. "Its not nice to kick Peter!" She gasped, rubbing her stomach.

Charlie looked concerned, “Are you okay? Do you want to put him on the bed with me?”

"I'm fine. No, he moves too quickly, we'd risk him toppling off the bed."

“I understand if you need to go, he probably needs to let off some steam and you, you probably need a rest, thanks to me...”

"He'll hopefully settle down in a few minutes. He gets into these moods and then he and the baby just kick the crap out of each other."

[bamby0304]

Apple of my Eye- Ch.17

Series Masterlist

Summary: When Sam and Dean were pulled back into their world, you were left behind. Stuck in the hustle bustle of Hollywood life, you have no choice but to play along, leaving almost all of your old life behind. Seven years later, when a rip in time and space opens up, you are finally able to go home… but you don’t go alone.

A/N: Thank you @moonlitskinwalker for helping me out :)

Warnings: Angst. Fluff. Smut. Unprotected sex. Explicit language.

Bamby

“What if Jack never comes back?”

“He will.”

“What if he finds a new home?”

“He won’t.”

“We found a new home… he could, too.”

“He’ll be back,” you assured Dakota as she followed you around the bunker as you carried folded laundry to everyone’s rooms.

She sighed, “How do you know? Sam and De are worried about him. Castiel is looking for him. How do you know he’ll be back?” she asked as you set a pile of flannel shirts on Sam’s bed. “How do you know he’ll be okay?”

Plopping the clothes basket on the floor, you knelt down in front of her. “Dean and Sam and strong. They’ve saved the world a hundred times, and they will save it a hundred more. I know that, because I’ve seen it. And I know Jack will be back because Sam and Dean care about him, he’s family, and they won’t stop until he’s safe and sound.”

She looked down at the ground, still unconvinced. “How do you know Sam and De will be okay?”

“Because I believe in them.” You reached out to lift her chin so she’d meet your gaze. “Do you trust me?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Then trust me when I say, everyone is going to be fine.”

Sam had given you the keys to one of the cars in the bunker’s garage. Keeping you and Dakota busy, you headed into town to check out the school. Classes were starting soon, and even though you felt like you should discuss it with Dean, you decided to enrol Dakota then and there.

“You excited about your new school?” you asked as you drove back to the bunker.

Dakota shrugged, looking out the window. “Will I have to go every day?”

“Not on the weekends.”

“Will I be there all day?”

“Not all day, no. You will have to wake up a little earlier, but then Dean will drive you to school.”

Gasping with excitement, she spun in her seat to face you. “Will he take me in Baby?”

“Probably, yeah.” You nodded. “But there are rules. No driving fast, and you have to be strapped in.”

“We can’t go fast sometimes?”

She was Dean’s girl, through and through. The pie, the music, the fashion, the love for cars. People use to make a few comments, especially Jared. He would mostly joke, but some people were concerned you were taking work home, or letting Dakota watch the show. No one suspected the truth, and why would they?

“I’m not going to say no, but I’m not going to say yes,” you answered. “Maybe on special occasions. But safety comes first.”

“Safety first.” She nodded firmly.

As the conversation died, you turned your attention back to the road, focusing on getting you both home. You wondered if Dean would mind, that you enrolled her in school. That made you wonder how you were going to explain your situation.

Dakota didn’t know Dean was her father. For most of her life, he hadn’t been around, hell he didn’t even know about her. If people figured it out, if you told people, it could confuse things. You weren’t even sure if you wanted Dakota to know yet.

“Hey Mum?”

“Yeah honey?”

“You think De and Sammy are okay?”

“I’m sure they’re just fine.”

“Hi.”

You turned on your heels in the library and came face to face with Dean. Without thought, you threw your arms around him in a tight hug, pulling him close.

“Thank God.”

“Nah, just Smash.”

“Huh?”

He chuckled lightly, shaking his head as he pulled back. “Nothing. Don’t worry about it.” Looking over his shoulder, he gestured to the doorway that led to the bedrooms. “Dakota in bed?”

Sighing, you nodded. “Took a while, but I eventually managed to get her to sleep.”

“Rough day?”

“Understatement,” you scoffed as he grabbed your hand and started to lead you towards the kitchen. “When Dakota woke up and you guys were gone… she freaked out. I had to sit her down and explain that you were out for work again. But you didn’t come back when I thought you would, and she could see me getting nervous, so…”

“Things got messy. Didn’t go as planned,” he explained. “And then there was this girl.”

You stopped in your tracks and looked at him.

“Not like that.”

“I didn’t think like that.”

“Then why are you looking at me?”

“Because you didn’t call or text, and I got worried, and now I’m finding out you were with some girl.”

“It wasn’t like that,” he insisted.

“And I’m not saying it was, I’m just saying… why didn’t you call, or text?”

“Because I was dealing with a demon, and then I was dealing with a girl who is on the run because she sold her soul.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” He nodded as you both started walking again. “The demon that had her contract is dead, but we don’t know if that means she’s safe or that someone else will be coming to collect. We’re hoping it’s the first one.”

Entering the kitchen, you spotted Sam sitting at the table, looking defeated.

Your hand slipped from Dean’s before his brother noticed. “Hey.” Walking over to Sam, you slid into the seat across from him. “You okay?”

He sighed, “Yeah, not really. Not exactly the best day, you know?”

Dean walked over to the fridge and pulled out three beers. “Well, it's not the worst,” he noted, opening the drinks. “We did save somebody. That felt good.”

“Yeah. Yeah, it did. But…” Sam took one of the beers as Dean offered it to him, “back to square one with Jack.”

“We'll figure something else out,” Dean assured him as he took the seat beside you. “And if that doesn't work, then we'll move on to next, and then whatever's after that. We just keep working, 'cause it's what we do.”

“It feels really good to hear you talk like that again.”

“I'll drink to that.” Dean reached his bottle out.

The three of you clinked your drinks together before taking a sip.

Putting his beer back on the table, Sam looked to you. “So, how was your day?” he asked with a knowing gleam in his eyes.

“Oh God… I thought I was going to have track you guys down and take Dakota to you could tell her you were going back home. I managed to distract her with the school, though.”

Dean pulled his drink away from his lips. “School?”

You looked to him guiltily. “Yeah… I enrolled her into the local school.” Before he could comment, you hurried to add, “And I know I should have talk to you first, but I had to do it. School is starting soon. I don’t want her to be behind. And I know you’re her dad, but I didn’t want you to confuse things.”

He reached out to rest a hand on your thigh. “It’s okay.”

“Wait… what?” You eyes darted from Dean to Sam and then back. “What?”

“It’s okay.” He shrugged. “Do I wish I could have been there? Yes, but I wish I could have been there for a lot of things. What’s more important is that I will be there. From now on, I will be there for her.” He gave you that smile that made your heart swell. One of those rare smiles where his walls dropped and he didn’t hide anything. “I’m just really glad you’re staying.”

Unable to sleep, you rolled onto your back to stare up at the ceiling. You couldn’t stop thinking about the day’s events, and Dean’s words.

He was okay with you enrolling Dakota in school without him… because he was happy you were staying.

Sure, the news wasn’t surprising. You knew he wanted you both to stay. You knew he wanted to be part of her life. You knew he wanted you close. What did surprise you, however, was how that made you feel.

It made your head whirl with realisations you’d been blind to for far too long. Dean wanting you both around made you realise that you wanted to stay. You wanted to be here with Dean and Sam. You missed your old life, and the small snippet of it that you’d experienced since coming back was not enough, but you’d had a taste and now you wanted more.

Throwing your blankets off with a sigh, you pulled yourself out of bed. The ground was cold under your bare feet, but you didn’t let that deter you. Slipping out of your room, making sure the coast was clear, you then ducked down the hallway and headed for Dean’s room.

Tiptoeing into his room, you closed the door behind you before leaning your back against it.

“Dean? You awake?”

A groan in the dark room was followed by a groggy, “Y/N?” There was some shuffling before his bedside lamp flicked on. You watched him lean on his elbow in bed, rubbing at his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Okay…” He frowned at you, curiously. When you didn’t move, he pulled his sheets back. “Come on.”

Without a word, you hurried over and slipped under the blanket, snuggling in closer to him.

He jumped once your feet brushed his leg. “Son of a bitch! You’re freezing!”

“I just walked through the bunker half naked, Dean,” you noted, rolling onto your back to gesture at your lack of clothes- that consisted of panties and a flannel.

Dean’s eyes dragged their way up until he met your gaze. “If you woke me up in the middle of the night for a sneaky booty call… you have my attention.”

Grinning, you bit your lip and shook your head. “That’s not why I’m here. But it might be why I stay.” You gave him a wink.

“God, woman, you kill me,” he groaned, leaning in to press his lips to yours.

Before the kiss could deepen too far, however, you pushed at his shoulder. “Dean…”

“Mmm?” he hummed, trying to lean back in to catch your lips again.

“I want to stay.”

“Then stay, sweetheart.” He shrugged. “If you don’t want anyone to know, we’ll sneak you back out in the morning,” he told you before trying to lean in once more.

“No. Dean. I mean,” you looked up to meet his gaze, still pressing on his shoulder, “I want to stay here, in the bunker, with you, and Sam, and Cas, and Jack. I want to make this our home.”

He paused a moment before pulling back. “Really? You’re not just saying all of this for me, are you?”

“I’m not saying it for you, but part of it is because of you. Dakota deserves to be with her dad, and you deserve to get to know your daughter. I’ve always wanted that, and I don’t wanna take the chance away from either of you now that it’s here,” you admitted.

“You’ve always wanted that?”

Watching him carefully, you frowned ever so slightly. “What, did you think I was over there in the other world rejoicing that my child would grow up without their father? Did you think I was happy you never knew you were a dad?”

“No.” He shook his head. “But I always thought you moved on. And when I saw Dakota, before I knew she was mine, I kinda assumed you’d made a life for yourself over there.”

“I made a life for her, not me,” You corrected. “I never got over this place, and I never got over you. This is my home.”

Reaching out, he gently grasped your chin and brushed his thumb along your cheek. “I never got over you, either.”

This time you were the one to lean in, capturing his lips in a deep kiss. As you deepened it, he fell back into the pillows. You followed him, lifting your leg to straddle his hips which he was quick to grab. Holding you in place, he nipped at your bottom lip, pulling a moan from you.

“Dean...” Reaching between the two of you, you slipped your hand into his briefs and wrapped your fingers around his cock. “Need you.”

“Fuck,” he groaned. “Y/N.”

Pulling back, you watched his face contort with pleasure as you stroked and squeezed his cock, while your other hand pulled your panties to the side. His eyes were barely open, but were trained on your hands as you guided him to your slit.

Sliding down his cock until he was snug inside you, your hands clutched at his shirt. You felt so full, so perfectly and completely full. No one and nothing felt as good as Dean. It wasn’t just his size, but it was the feel of him. His warmth. His smell. His touch. His voice. Everything with Dean was just right.

His head fell back and lips parted as you rode him slowly. The peek of his tongue between his lips made you shudder, thoughts of what that mouth could do springing to mind. Pressing your hands on his chest, you rolled your hips, feeling him pulse inside you.

“Miss this. Miss you,” he grunted, fingers digging into your hips. “Never stopped wanting you. Never stopped loving you.”

Your movements faltered as you looked down at him with wide eyes.

There was a short moment before he realised what he said.

“Shit, Y/N-”

“Did you mean it?” you asked suddenly, cutting him off. “Do you mean it?”

Pausing a moment, he swallowed thickly before giving a sharp nod. “I mean it.”

You threw yourself at him, pressing your lips to his in a clumsy kiss as your hips began to move again. Picking up the pace, fueled by his revelation and admission, you chased your orgasm quickly, bringing him to his just as fast.

“Fu-” he grunted against your lips, squeezing your hips so tightly you were certain you’d bruise.

Pulling back, you looked down at him with lust darkened eyes. “Come, Dean. Wanna feel it. Wanna feel you.”

“Fuck me.” Grabbing the back of your head, he pulled you back down to his lips.

When you both came, it was on a cry. Lips smashed together, your sounds were muffled as he spilled inside you, twitching and shaking, clinging to you desperately. You bucked fisting his shirt as you rode out the waves from your high.

Once you caught your breath, you dropped to the bed with a content sigh. Dean rolled onto his side and watched you as your chest heaved. Smiling up at the ceiling, you concentrated on catching your breath.

“You gonna keep staring at me?” you asked, turning your head to look at him.

He was shining with sweat, and his chest was rising more rapidly than usual, but the look in his eyes didn’t hint at what you’d just done. Instead of looking thoroughly fucked, they looked down at you deep in thought.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“Just wondering… if that was you hinting at a breeding kink.” A grin tugged on his lips.

Rolling your eyes, you shoved at his shoulder. “Shut up.”

“What? It’s perfectly fine. Hell, the thought of you like that,” he reached over to run a hand over your stomach, “kinda gets me hot.”

“Really?”

“Seriously.” Your eyes locked and he held your gaze. You could see the truth, the honestly in his words. “I missed a lot while you were gone, and I hate that I can’t take back time and make it right.”

“We’re here now. That’s what matters.”

“I know.” He nodded. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want all of that. Doesn’t mean…” He took a deep breath. “I love you.” When you opened your mouth, he cut you off. “You don’t have to say it. I don’t want you to feel like you have to say it back. But I do love you, and I want a million rugrats with you, Y/N. I want dozens of Dakotas running around, and I want to be there for every second of it.”

“Dean…”

“I know you just got back. I know things are complicated. I know being a hunter makes it even more confusing. I know. And I’m not saying I wanna start now. And it’s not a deal breaker. If all I ever get is you and Dakota then I’ll still be the happiest man alive. But if you ever think you might want more-”

Before he could finish his sentence, you quickly leaned up and pressed your lips to his in a small peck. “If I ever want more, you’ll be the first to know. Promise.”

Smiling widely, he wrapped his arm around your waist and turned you around before tucking his chest up against your back. With him wrapped around you, you reached over and flicked the lamp off, sending the room into darkness. Sleep came easy after that.

Bamby

[shyvioletcat]

Kingdom of Ash Tour Sydney

Oh my gosh, I’m sorry this took so long. My notes were much more extensive than I thought and then just a lot of poor time management. Anyway, here it is.

A few choice bits of information/quotes:

“Being a dork pays off you guys. Who knew?”

Says Melbourne like a local

Loves our coffee. Says she’s moving here because of it.

Advice to aspiring writers: find someone to share your work with. Giving and getting feedback teaches you so much. Gives you a form of community.

Got into writing because it’s what she loves and it makes her come alive like nothing else does.

Music plays a Huge part in her creative process

Daily writing schedule. Plays with Taran then about 930/10 she starts. Gets admin stuff done first 9-8 job.

Nothing compares to sitting down and writing a scene she’s wanted to write for years and years. Describes it as time stopping and the closest thing to magic, at least for her.

Had a question about her creative circle for bouncing ideas around and talking about her stories. Sarah didn’t talk to her family about her stories at all when she was younger. Doesn’t like her parents reading her books. She referred back to writing ACOTAR and she asked the audience “do you know what it’s like to write an on the page sex scene knowing my father was going to read this?” Said it took her about three glasses of wine to deal with it.

About her dad reading said scenes: He said “I just skip those scenes.” Sarah’s reply “I’ll do you one better. I’ll just rip those pages out.” Then she talked how it was much worse when ACOMAF came out the next year.

Josh has become her creative sounding board over the last few years. He reads the early drafts of Crescent City and lets Sarah ramble to him for hours. She thinks it’s really cute they get to do that.

He thinks he’s every love interest in all her books. At events people ask if he’s what Rhys was modelled from. Josh will say yes. Sarah was very adamantly said it was a no.

Fellow writers help her from looking like a complete idiot. In particular Lynette Noni. Calls her a secret Disney Princess. Has become her can’t live without critique partner.

She said don’t listen to the people who say writing is a dumb dream. But said it’s a long long road to getting published but not impossible. “Don’t ever listen to the haters man.”

Her parents were always incredibly supportive. Her mum would leave snacks outside her door so she wouldn’t disturb her while she wrote

When her parents told her that she needed a job to support herself Sarah didn’t want to listen. But she said they were ultimately right because there are no guarantees in publishing. One of her favourite moments is when she became a New York Times best seller and she got to call and tell her parents. The first thing her mum said was she regretted telling Sarah to be realistic about the expectations of yourself. But Sarah was adamant they were right.

She thanked us and got quite emotional. Thanked us for supporting her books, she was walking around Sydney harbour and thought to herself how lucky I am to do this for a living.

Someone from the audience screamed “I love you” she said “I love you too, I love you all so much” (insert my hysterical tears). She couldn’t express how much she appreciates everything we all have done for her and her family, the fact we have allowed her to live out her dreams. “Thank you from the bottom of my heart for this being the loveliest group of people I’ve ever had the honour to meet”. SHE LOVES US.

Crescent city

Doesn’t think her parents can read a single page of crescent city. Joking, it’s every other page. Started as excess creative energy, a real passion project. 

Describes it as taking the ToG/ACOTAR worlds and jumping ahead over 3000 years to where they have modern technologies and comforts. Magical creatures living together in complex hierarchies. Feels different because of the modern setting but has familiar aspects, e.g. snarky sassy heroines and brooding sexy muscled men. Says there are so many. So many.

Josh: “why are there so many attractive men in this book?” Sarah “because it’s a fantasy. FAN-TA-SY.”

No real defined plot yet.

Knew it was the story she wanted to tell because of an experience on a plane. Sarah was listening to a piece of music and saw a scene play out and she burst into tears. She didn’t know the characters or how they got there. The scene will be in the first book and is like THE MAJOR BIG SCENE. Kept thinking of that moment of creation and how much it overwhelmed her and that was the deciding factor that that was the next story she needed to tell.

World of Throne of Glass

World of Throne of Glass. Started off as an encyclopaedia. It will be a chronicle that exists in world and Sarah describes it like going into the library of Orynth and pulling it off the shelf. The premise of the book is that Aelin has hired this cranky old scholar to travel around all the kingdoms/continents and includes the travel logs, transcripts from interviews with the characters, insight into how they felt, letters between characters. The book itself is like the the Terrasen courts private copy so it has letters between characters. Glimpses into the future.

BUT THIS MEANS IT WILL COME OUT LATER

ALSO SAID THERE ARE POCKETS OF HISTORY SHE REALLY WANTS TO FILL IN AND THERE’S ALSO LOTS OF STORIES THAT MAYBE ONE DAY SHE MIGHT WANT TO TELL SHE JUST NEEDS TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT. SORRY I’M JUST REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THIS.

Throne of Glass/ACOTAR

The idea of Throne of Glass came to her when she was 15/16 years old. Gripped her like no other story had. Throne of glass has a special place in her heart because it’s what started her on this journey.

Sarah was changing Kingdom of Ash right up the very last minute.

Mystery questions from the lobby:

What would happen if all your villains met?

The thought of Maeve and Amarantha gave her chills to think about. Would they rip each other to shreds or form and unholy alliance? Undecided.

Did you cry during the writing of the final book? If so which moments?

Number one scene. The Thirteen. 

Gave lots of details about when Manon first appeared, a piece of music from the Fright Night remake was playing and she saw the cottage scene play out. She saw Manon disembowel the farmers and how her teeth and claws came out and just thought “I love you”.

Loved witches since she was little because she realised witches were often women with power when women weren’t allowed to have power.

Sarah went to the mat for Manon. She hadn’t sold the rest of the books, only up to Heir of Fire. Writing about Manon gave Sarah her courage and came into her life when she needed her attitude. She said “Over my dead effing body” when editor said to cut Manon.

Sarah listened to a song from the original star wars and that was when she saw the sacrifice of the Thirteen. She needed to have Manon start where she did in Heir of Fire so when we all got to the scene in Kingdom of Ash is would really hit us strongly as it had hit Sarah for the first time. Sarah was sobbing at her desk when she saw them making their final run. She saw then Manon screaming and begging them to to stop because she realised she had a heart and loved them.

Sarah said she needed to lie down afterwards, she considered a happy ending for a moment, but then she thought about how the ladies never get to make the big heroic sacrifice and she really wanted the Thirteen to make the badass sacrifice and she wanted to make that moment when their exploding with light and not darkness absolutely destroyed Sarah.

Happier scene is the last goodbye between the main three, sobbing so hard. Really ugly crying not Frodo crying nicely at the end of The Return of the King, but bodily fluids spraying everywhere. So many tears.

Sarah would also get super amped up. Example: When Elide saves Lorcan she got so amped up she literally straddled her chair like she was riding a horse. (She re-enacted it on stage too). Then it was just more ladies were doing their badass thing like:

as Aelin flies down on the bird and explodes and destroys the wave and then Rowan is like that steam is going to boil every one like lobsters, got to get rid of that.

When Aelin makes her run and Lorcan sees her and he’s crying, you know if Lorcan’s crying some intense shit is going down

Then when Aelin is trying to get the mask off. That hit Sarah hit her so hard, didn’t expect it. Felt physically ill writing it. It was one of the few times Aelin was unhinged and in a panic. Seeing Aelin in a panic out Sarah in a panic.

Aelin has been like a person to Sarah and has carried Sarah through a lot of hard stuff. Sarah has said to herself “my name is Sarah J Maas and I will not be afraid”

Would say “What would Aelin do?” to give herself that swagger. Any time Aelin is in pain Sarah was in pain and would be like “My baby my baby! Let me help you”. 

Such a joy to write. Aelin was telling her and showing Sarah where to go.

ABOUT THE ENDING OF KINGDOM OF ASH: Travelling in Costa Rico to a rainforest exists at cloud level. (Side note from Sarah: Vote for the environment! Do it for the golden toad). One of the most beautiful places she has ever been. Sitting in the backseat listening to music from John Carter of Mars. Sun broke through the clouds and lit up the mountains and Sarah heard the last line of Kingdom of Ash about the kingsflame blooming and she knew what the last line was and that’s what she wanted to get to. She starting crying (surprise surprise) didn’t want to tell her travelling companions so she lied and said she was crying because the view was so beautiful. Writing with Aelin at the helm guaranteed her nothing. Aelin did it though, she stuck to Sarah’s plans and Sarah got the ending she wanted.

Call out from the audience about Gavriel. Uproar from the audience. “Why did you do that!?” “Why would I do that? Because I’m a horrible person.” Any time a hot guy full of muscles dies it’s a sad day. Poor Aedion. “It would have been so hot! Not in a weird way! The two of them hanging out, the lion and the wolf and oh my heart... you mean I have no heart, that’s what you’re thinking.” Evil cackle.

Who of all your characters do you see sitting in a rocking chair and knitting and telling their grandchildren the wildest stories in their old age?

Throne of Glass. Dorian. Don’t know why.

ACOTAR world would 1000% be Cassian. Nessian book will come out after Crescent City. She started it just for fun, hadn’t planned to write last ACOWAR. Sarah was out to lunch with her editor and got a little drunk and pitched her other books, but then forgot. Agent called a few weeks later telling her the editor wants to buy these books.

She literally doesn’t have the time to get all the stories she wants out of her. Wishes she had Hermione’s time turner.

So that’s it. Again, sorry it took me so long. Sarah was so lovely and I still can’t believe I got to see her in person. There’s a lot I took away from her talk for myself, mainly just how adamant she was about being yourself is the way to go. We’re better off when we’re true to ourselves and love the tings we love without feeling bad for it. 

[peanutbuttercreamjelly]

Red Wine: Plan B - Conor Maynard

Word Count: 2.395

Warnings: Mentions of NSFW, mentions of pregnancy, mentions of unsafe sex, mentions of the morning-after-pill

Another part of the Red Wine series is here, finally! As I already said, this series will not be chronologically, so this happens way later in their relationship.

Visiting Brighton was always a special time for Vee and Conor. Having both grown up there, they still had a special connection to this place. The Maynards still lived in the house where Conor, Jack and Anna had grown up in, but the house right next to theirs had gone through a row of owners until a married couple in their fourties had bought it a few years ago. It used to belong to Vee’s family, but since they had moved abroad just as she and Jack had finished elementary school, they had sold it. Vee’s mum still lived in town, though she had moved into a rather shabby neighbourhood because as a divorced woman, she couldn’t afford living in this area anymore. That was mostly all Vee knew about her. Their relationship had always been complicated, even when Vee was a child, but now they weren’t even on speaking terms. Vee used to spend time with her dad when they all still lived together, but since he had moved back to Italy and got married to a new woman, all they had were the few weeks of vacation Vee would always stay at his vineyard. There wasn’t any bad blood between them, they just weren’t as close as they used to be.

However, her relationship with Conor’s parents had remained the same, even though they didn’t see each other for about eight years while Vee had been abroad and her mother had forbidden her to contact the Maynards. Once Conor and Jack had brought her home with them, back when Conor and Vee had only been friends, things were back to like they used to be. Helen loved Vee like her second daughter, and welcomed her back into the family like the years they had been separated hadn’t happened. They had a lot to catch up, but the bond that Helen and Vee had was still there, unharmed. Vee was like a second daughter to Helen, and Helen was like the mother that she never had. Earlier, when they had still been living next door, Vee would basically spend all of her free time over at the Maynard house, getting up to some mischief with Jack and Conor. Gary adored her, too. He even built a tree house for the three troublemakers, so they had a little “Headquarter”, as they used to call it. Helen and Gary would have happily adopted her, if her parents would have let them.

As Conor brought home his new girlfriend back then, Helen and Gary were overjoyed when they found out that it was Vee. They were a little surprised when Conor brought her home instead of Jack, but they could soon understand when they saw the chemistry between both of them.

Naturally, coming back to the Maynards always felt like coming home to her. So she was really happy as Conor had asked her to go back home with him for a week, especially since Anna stayed there for the moment, too. The only one missing was Jack, who had decided to go on a last-minute getaway with Mikey and Abe.

Today, Conor and her had been spending the day at the beach, strolling around the pier and just enjoyed having the other to themselves. When they had dinner in a nice Italian restaurant by the water, they decided to walk home instead of taking an uber, since they didn’t live that far away and the sun was still up in the sky, warming the summer air. Hand in hand they strolled through the street, enjoying the evening and each other’s company, until they arrived at the Maynard’s.

Helen and Gary were out in town to have dinner with a few old friends and were bound to return late in the night (or early in the morning, however you’d like to see it), so Anna had the house to herself the whole day. However, when Conor and Vee returned home, they could hear not only her, but there was someone else as well. Vee was pretty sure that she heard Anna moan, and one look to Conor made it clear that he had heard it, too.

His eyes were wide in surprise, Vee would even say that he was shocked, and since the noises were becoming louder by the second, she knew she had to do something. She quickly grabbed Conor’s hand, ushering him out of the house and shut the door quietly. She giggled as Conor’s expression didn’t change.

“Con”, she said, squeezing his hand, “relax.”

“How the hell am I supposed to relax when some wanker fucks my little sister?!”, he whisper-yelled, letting go of her hand.

“Con”, she whispered forcefully, making him look at her. “I know she’s your little sister, but she’s not a baby anymore.”

He sighed. “I know, but…”

“Still, you want to protect her, I get it”, Vee said and took his hand again.

“What are we supposed to do now?”, Conor whispered and squeezed her hand a little bit.

“Maybe we could go in, be a little bit louder than usual so she hears us?”, Vee proposed. As Conor nodded, she took the keys from Conor to open the door.

“Anna, we’re home!”, Vee yelled while Conor shut the door forcefully.

“Hi Anna!”, Conor yelled as well.

They threw away their jackets forcefully when they heard some shuffling upstairs, coming from Anna’s room.

Once Conor and Vee got out of their shoes, Anna and a boy came down the stairs. Anna had obviously tried to fix her hair, but had failed miserably. Conor reached for Vee’s hand.

“Hi”, she said and blushed, trying to pass the two so she could get the boy out of the house quickly. The boy nodded quickly in their direction as well, and Vee could feel Conor tense up.

“Hi, I’m Vee”, she quickly introduced her to the boy, who blushed as he had to stop walking.

“Dustin”, he quickly said, obviously embarrased.

Conor mumbled something under his breath and held Vee’s hand even tighter.

“Anyway, Dustin has to go now”, Anna quickly said and basically shoved him to the door, until they were out of sight.

“Babe, I’d really appreciate it if you wouldn’t cut off circulation in my hand”, Vee said and chuckled as Conor let go.

“Sorry”, he said grumpily and let go of her. He then started to pace around the living room.

Anna came back alone and as Conor wasn’t watching, Vee winked at her. She returned it. They had a very special bond, too. Anna once said that Vee was the sister she had always wanted.

Just as Anna was halfway up the stairs, Conor spoke up.

“Where d’you think you’re going?”

Vee sighed as she watched Anna stop in her tracks.

“Ehm, upstairs?”, she said and slowly turned around.

“Who was that guy?”, Conor asked.

Vee rolled her eyes, but went over to Conor, nevertheless. She took his hand again, trying to calm his nerves before he’d lash out.

“Guy from high school, we met up today.” Anna’s face was now as red as a tomato.

“Just so you know, we heard you”, Conor said, anger still prominent in his voice.

“I figured”, she said and looked down.

“Con, stop”, Vee said, trying to help Anna out.

“No”, he said, “just tell me you were safe.”

“ ‘f course she was, she’s not stupid”, Vee said.

“You know I’m on the pill, Conor.”

“Please tell me you also used a condom”, Conor said, clearly not wanting to have that conversation with his little baby sister.

“Ehm,” Anna stuttered.

“Anna!”, Conor exclaimed.

“We didn’t have any!”, she defended herself. Vee had become fairly silent now.

“And you couldn’t be bothered to go to Jack’s or my room to look for them?”

“I’m on the bloody pill!”

Conor took a deep breath and looked at Vee, desperate for support.

“You should probably get yourself tested for STDs”, she said.

Anna swallowed and nodded.

It was silent for a moment.

“Didn’t you take antibiotics last week?”, Vee asked, knowing that Anna had taken them because of a UTI.

“Yeah, so?”, Anna asked while Conor tensed up again.

“Antibiotics can make your contraception ineffective”, Vee slowly said and watched Anna’s face fall.

“Fuck”, Anna said and sat down on the stairs. She had suddenly become very pale.

Conor rushed to the door without another word.

Unsure whom she should comfort first, Vee stood in the middle of the living room. As she realized that Anna was crying, she decided to go up to her and joined her on the stairs.

“Hey”, she said, wrapping an arm around Anna’s frame, “it’s going to be okay.”

“W-what am I supposed to d-do now?”, Anna sobbed and buried her face in her hands.

“You should get a plan B”, Vee said and held her a little tighter. “I’m going to tell you a little secret, I’ve once had to get one, too.”

Anna looked up at that and Vee wiped a teardrop away with her thumb.

“Sounds worse than it is, believe me”, Vee said, “but maybe you should call Dustin and tell him.”

Anna sighed. “You’re probably right”, she said, “but I don’t think I can do this… Can’t you call him?”

“I’m afraid that’s something you’ll have to do by yourself”, Vee said, “but meanwhile, I’m going to check up on Conor.”

“God, he’s so mad at me… this is so embarrassing”, Anna said and hid her face again.

“He’s just concerned, you’re his little sister after all”, Vee said and got up.

“But I’m not a baby anymore!”

“That’s what I have told him”, Vee said and smiled before she headed outside to find her boyfriend.

She found him leaning on the wall right next to the front door, so close that she had almost stumbled over him. She sat down next to him. He immediately leaned his head against her shoulder.

“I’m sorry for being such a prick”, he said.

“Well, it’s not me you should apologize to”, Vee said.

Conor sighed. “I know.”

“I told her to call Dustin”, Vee said, “and I might have told her that I’ve had to get a morning-after-pill once, too. She doesn’t know that this was with you, though.”

“Thank you, baby”, he said.

“How did you stay so calm when we had to get it, though?”, Vee asked and laughed lightly as she saw that his hands were shaking a little.

Conor blushed.

“Dunno. Maybe it’s because she’s my baby sister. I know she’s basically an adult, but to me, she’ll always be my baby sister.” He was silent for a second, before he added: “Me and you, we could take care of an actual child, you know?”

“You think so?”, Vee asked in disbelief.

Conor nodded. “I mean, we haven’t exactly talked about this yet but maybe when we’re older, we could have a little family of our own. In a few years, I mean.”

Vee blushed. She never thought about having children herself, but she knew that Conor wanted to have some. She never saw herself as a mother, but the way he said it, made her feel a little bit warmer inside than she had before. She took his hand.

“I’ve never thought about kids”, she admitted, hoping that she wouldn’t scare Conor away now. “I know you want to have some, and you’ll be an amazing father, but I don’t know about me, you know?.”

Conor turned around and kissed her cheek.

“I only want them with you”, he said. “And if you don’t want kids, then I’ll accept it. ‘Cause if I had to choose, I’d always choose you over kids.”

“Wow”, Vee said, knowing how much that actually meant. She could feel herself tearing up, so she hid her face in his shoulder.

“I love you, and I will always love you, no matter what”, he said and kissed the top of her head.

“I love you, too.” She looked up at him again as a tear slipped from her eye. Conor wiped it away. Then he gently touched her chin, pulling her closer to him slightly, and kissed her tenderly on the lips, making goose bumps erupt over her skin. When they parted, Conor touched his forehead against hers and they stayed like this for a little while, until they finally pulled apart.

“And by the way, I know you’re going to be an amazing mother. You’re taking such good care of Anna now, aren’t you?” Vee blushed.

“Speaking of Anna, are we going to make sure that you’re not going to be an uncle yet?”, Vee asked.

Conor went for another peck on her lips and nodded. Vee got up first, reaching out her hand for Conor to pull him up with her and together, they went back inside.

Anna sat on the stairs with puffy eyes, her phone in her hands. She didn’t look up as they entered the house again.

“He said it was my problem now”, she said.

Vee, who held Conor’s hand again, felt him tense up. She squeezed his hand, before she spoke up.

“Our problem, Anna, you’re not alone with it, even it that asshole leaves you alone”, she corrected her.

Anna looked up at her and Conor, and smiled lightly, although tears were still spilling from her face.

“Thank you”, she whispered and stood up to hug the both of them.

“Can you please not tell Jack? He’ll kill him”, Anna said as they pulled back.

“Not if I can get him first”, Conor joked, or at least that was what Vee and Anna hoped.

“I won’t tell him”, Vee said after a quick glance at Conor.

“He doesn’t have to know everything”, Conor agreed reluctantly.

“C’mon, grab your purse and we can go to the pharmacy”, Vee said. While Anna was rushing off to get her things and quickly fix her face from the crying, Conor turned to Vee and pulled her into him.

“Thank you baby”, he said and kissed her temple, “you always know what to say.”

“Maybe I won’t be such a bad mom after all”, she said and giggled.

“We’ll see about that”, Conor teased and smirked as she pouted. He quickly kissed her lips to make it go away.

“Of course you’re going to be amazing”, he whispered against her lips.

 Find the other parts of this series here or view all of my posts here

[severegladiatorstudentuniverse]

My toughest 8 months!

I don’t know how to start, I guess I never thought I’d make a post like this at all but here I am. I’d want the world to know this and to know that we all have our battles, we fight these battles, we get wounded but eventually these battles come to an end. These wounds are what affect our mental health! And here are a few of mine that I’ve endured in the last 8 months.

I was a student at Leeds University, graduated in July 2018 but only just found out that my dad, who’s never had any experience in running a travel agency decides to buy one here in the United Arab Emirates. He’s got a guide, who’s the manager. Now this manager is a very peculiar man, a full blown racist, homophobe, an absolutely arrogant and patronising man of the highest order. Very manipulative and also I suspect he was a pedophile as well but that’s just my suspicion at this point. Since my dad was new here, he decided to listen to this man who would make out Dubai as one of the hardest places to live in. He’d make standard procedures sound really arduous or tough. He’d scare my dad into letting him (the manager) do all the work while assuring my dad that he’s got it. While in Leeds, I would often tell my dad to see what’s he’s upto, alas he never listened. My dad sold most of his property/lands that we owned back in our country to actually help us with the move to the UAE. My dad would pay this man a ridiculous salary to just sit on his arse and shout at him. At this point we’re using our reserves because the business is down in the gutters. Told my dad to please let this man go and let’s dosomething else. Was shat at and ignored while I could see our reserves thinning out. It came to a point when we couldn’t pay the salaries of our employees and parents had to head back home and sell our house! We paid the salaries and all but now it was time! We had to get rid of this company. I found out that this man had forced my dad to bestow upon him this Power of Attorney. This was a complete authority and this manager could do anything under my dads name! I had to get that cancelled! Got that done, got the full ire of that man who shouted at me. I made dad terminate that man and here if you terminate someone, you’ve got to pay their 3 months salaries but if they resign, you’re not liable to. I could’ve asked him to resign had I known but alas. Fast forward and we had nearly exhausted our reserves. So much so we weren’t sure if we’d eat on certain days. Finally we found a buyer for the company and let it go.

Now this was a point when I told my parents that we’ve got money, let’s not invest it straightway into something we’re not sure of! But again listening to me is akin to listening to a baby cry, it’s annoying. They did the exact opposite of what I told them and kept on telling. They bought a dead restaurant from that money.

3 months later, we’re trying to get rid of that restaurant. My dads left the country and basically deserted us so as the restaurants dead, I had to sell my mums jewellery with her to pay its rent. I had to ask my friends like request them to lend me money. It felt VERY VERY beggar like. I got turned down, some didn’t respond, some that did said we’ll only lend you if no one did but some lent me straight away! I feel absolutely horrendous. Then I had these arguments with mum about how to go about this and we came to the conclusion that they (my mum and my siblings) need to move back. Once we get money from the restaurant, we can use it back home instead if living in the UAE. Now I’ve been offered a job here which starts in June so I could support them a bit but when mum asked me to give most of my salary to her, I said No! I need to also live my life and manage my expenses and if I did what she asked, I’ll be left with absolute peanuts. I’ll be a teacher in June and it’s a sure as Hell a stressful job!

Now we’re in the process of trying to find a buyer for the resto, the mistake of buying it still hurts me. I had a massive argument with mum about how to deal with things. She just keeps repeating stuff that we’ve agreed on and that can be mental tension and strsss causing. I told her that and she started hitting me with her shoe and asked me to leave the house. I said alright. For the first time in 8 months I felt a relief. I felt as if these problems wouldn’t be mine anymore. I used to be a happy go lucky lad in Leeds, would love life and enjoy the little things and it felt like a window. Yet she stopped me and said “will you leave yer ma like this?” To which I replied no (and a sudden feeling of being sucked back in depression rushed in instantly).

My brother hates me because of my thoughts that they should move back if they’re to not be in the streets. My dad has brushed aside these struggles by calling me a pussy. He sweared at me on WhatsApp. Actually, he was sending mum old pictures of them and saying he misses the good old days knowing full well it’s him who caused all this and then deserted us and then when mum started to sob uncontrollably, I told him to stop sending those. He sweared at me then.

Fast forward. We’re still trying to sell this restaurant that’s been a bone that’s stuck in our throats. We can’t really sell it because potential buyers ask loads of questions, loads of inquiries and inquisitive questions, something we should’ve done as well and our answers are dismal. We can’t really market this restaurant because it’s got no sales, a VERY high rent and a crap location.

We’re running out of reserves because I can’t drive and we take public transport to get there.

There had been times I felt like ending it. It’s been too much. I have fought for them everywhere, advocated their cause and still get shit on. But then my mates and my gf just remind me of why it’s important to stay healthy and that this will be over someday/time. I’ve decided to stay hydrated, exercise and go off social media. Social media was a massive source of anxiety. Seeing your friends enjoy life while you fight for your family’s survival hurts and made me envious and bitter. I really need out but hopefully will get there. At times I want to cry really loudly at the card fate’s dealt me. But here I am.

Life is what we make of it, we’re stronger and can overcome anything. These past few days I came up with this mantra that I recite everyday and it makes me feel a lot good and positive when I head out to try sorting the mess I’m in. It goes like this:

I have no enemies, only friends

I hate no one, I hold my tongue

I judge no one and I don’t get judged

I don’t hurt anyone, neither get hurt

I’m happy, I’m healthy, I’m educated

Hope things will turn out for the best soon and things will be alright.

I’m happy, I’m healthy and I’m educated

Syed Ali Sabtain

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