#a lesbian and their trans guys who mean everything to them

[dykeinthedark]

if i had a nickel for every time i befriended a trans guy with a J name who became one of my best friends and most beloved and important ppl to me really fast bc our souls communicated to each other and linked immediately i would have 2 nickels which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice

[yuribalisms]

If I see one more trans guy make a post about how “misandry is real actually” I’m going to lose my mind

[neroushalvaus]

Okay I am going to use the Somerton situation to talk about something that is very important to me. Following the discussion I have seen former Somerton fans being disappointed in themselves and questioning how they can ever trust another video essayist again. I have also seen some people being smug because to them Somerton was obviously unreliable from the start. As a person who also saw the "red flags" in Somerton, I would like to skip the smugness and talk a bit about what the red flags were to me.

Someone else has probably posted something similar and Hbomberguy's & Todd in the Shadows's videos touched a few of these points, but they didn't focus on them or how to spot these things. I think it is a good thing: I think it would have reinforced the idea that Somerton's fans were to blame for being lied to, and these youtubers didn't want to pin any blame on the fans. Also, some of the things I'm going to talk about were not by any means proof of him being unreliable, they were common tropes I personally associate with people who are bullshitting on internet. Think of it as something like spotting terfs: If you consider following a tumblr user and find out they have at some point posted "males will always be a danger to females no matter what they say", it is very possible that they are not a terf. Maybe they were having a bad day and were just wording their post badly – But you should probably search "trans" from their blog before following them, just to be sure.

So, the tropes in James Somerton's content that I consider red flags:

Lack of sources. This one may seem obvious and Hbomb talked about this in his video, but the lack of sources in his videos was outrageous. Video essays are called essays for a reason, they are not supposed to be just a guy talking about whatever comes to his mind, they should be well researched essays. Obviously video essays should contain one's own thoughts and interpretations and those do not need citations. But James Somerton didn't come out of the womb knowing everything about LGBT history, Disney and film theory, if he actually knew something about all this stuff, he should have learnt it from somewhere. There should be sources he could point to. It is very common that even when a video essayist doesn't tell you where they got all their information, they open their video by saying stuff like "when I prepared for this video I read the book Also sprach Zarathustra by Friedrich Nietzsche and this one thrilling blog post about lesbian cruising in 1960s Sweden". From what I've seen, James does not really do this. From watching his videos you could arrive to the conclusion that James Somerton does not read any books, he just knows everything. There are situations where people don't feel the need to add sources, like when the information is considered common knowledge or when the topic relates heavily to the essayist's actual academic field or profession. This is okay and very understandable, but can sometimes be dangerous, since if the video essayist markets himself as a marketing specialist, people are more likely to take his word for stuff that has to do with marketing, even without sources. It is understandable that in many situations an essayist may think "why should I cite a source? I know this thing!", but doing your research well is partly about checking if the information you are certain of is actually true. Also, as Hbomb pointed out, if you can cite a source, your audience can go learn more about the subject. It's not about anyone doubting you know your stuff, it's about learning. That's why well-respected video essayists usually cite their sources very clearly.

Lack of pictures and screenshots. This is about different kinds of sources again, many things on this list are kind of about sources. An example: When James Somerton made a video about JKR, he mentioned something about Rowling at one time saying that trans students in 30-50Feralhogs (or whatever the wizard school is called) could use magic to present as their gender. If this was any other video essayist, you'd expect a tweet to pop up, or something else confirming Rowling ever said this. Nothing pops up, obviously because Rowling didn't say this, but you can't see anything fishy in that because things rarely pop up in Somerton's videos. He doesn't show you court documents when speaking about a court case, he doesn't show you the comments apparently mad at him for implying the gay anime is gay when he is complaining about people being mad at him. There is a reason people show screenshots and tweets in video essays. When a good video essayist says JK Rowling has tweeted that all people who menstruate should be referred to as women, the video essayist shows the tweet so people know they are not making it up. If there were hoards of annoying bitc-- I mean, angry white women whining about gay sex in HuffPost articles or Somerton's youtube comments, he should have no trouble showing you those. Remember that you should not trust someone just because they show you pictures or screenshots. Pictures can be photoshopped, screenshots can be doctored. Many youtubers are aware that you listen to their videos while cleaning or while walking your dog and don't actually see the screen all the time, and some may take advantage of that by saying something like "and here she threatened to kill me" while showing a text message where someone said "die mad about it". A screenshot alone isn't much but you should demand to see the screenshot.

Passive voice. I am once again bitching about this. Somerton repeatedly says things like "it's been said that" or "it was common knowledge that" or "a legend says that" or "according to most interpretations". He doesn't say who says it, making it very hard to fact check and that seems to be his goal in some cases.

Relying heavily on anecdotes. Writing a dense, analytical video about film theory or history can be exhausting and you may want to pepper in little fun facts. However Somerton seemed to rely on these heavily; he can't just talk about how he has totally bought every lie told by The Pink Swastika, he also needs to tell a cute little anecdote about SS men forcing sexual favours out of men. He can't just tell a story about a court case, he needs to add in ridiculous stuff about the jury booing. This is what I mean by not all the things on this list being necessarily proof of someone being unreliable. Many people use anecdotes and little stories in their storytelling, it makes the videos flow better and it's hard to decide which anecdotes are valid and which are not. A source obviously makes an anecdote a bit more believable, but here are some things that instantly make me fact check an anecdote:

It's a bit too convenient, poetic or ironic. Sometimes real life is weirder than fiction but if an anecdote is "perfect" and has an amazing punchline and you could write twelve poems about it, there is a possibility it was invented by pop science books.

It assumes your political enemies are stupid. Dunking on conservatives, MRAs and transphobes is always fun and after you've seen a lot of this kind of content it's easy to believe anything about these people. You must resist the impulse to believe everything that may make your opponents look stupid.

The person telling the anecdote implies it is an example of a larger, systemic problem. You know what's worse than taking a random happenstance from human history or internet and basing an entire political theory on it? The said random happenstance being made up. You should in general be wary of people telling one story and explaining why it's an example of everything that's wrong in the world. We live in a huge world. You can always find a white woman who loves cute gays but hates the idea of Nick Heartstopper and Charlie Heartstopper getting nasty but that doesn't mean it's an indicator of a larger issue.

Simplifying complex issues. We all know that "only the boring gays survived the AIDS crisis, and that's why gays started to only care about marriage equality and military" is a horrible, insensitive thing to say, but you also have to think about it for like two seconds to realize that it can't be correct. It kind of reminds me of the "roe v wade caused the crime drop of 1990s" claim in Freakonomics. It sounds logical and simple, like a basic math calculation. Societal issues rarely are like that, though. You should never believe anyone who tells you about a huge societal shift and says it happened because of one thing and one thing only.

These were some of the things I noticed in Somerton's content that caused me to distrust him. I hope these were helpful to you and feel free to add your own "red flags" if you feel like it!

[doberbutts]

it feels like some folk think transmascs have magical Man Energy which bestows us with male privledge regardless of how we present

More or less 🤷‍♂️

I benefit from male privilege a lot these days. I also don't have unconditional access to it, as said it really depends on individual interactions and even then when talking medically, politically, or romantically I am more disadvantaged than I was before.

But I also had a pre-everything trans guy staying at my house because their parents kicked them out, and I'm not really sure what male privilege Janet* with no binder and long hair and feminine interests and presentation and no T no facial hair no deep voice at all of 5'3" had because at that point to be perfectly honest they looked like a girl and were being treated as such.

I had a different pre-everything trans guy staying at my house because he escaped an abusive marriage he was forced into by his family and, same deal, not sure what male privilege Lydia* has in his dresses and heels and skirts and plunging necklines and pushup bras and feminizing makeup etc because at that point he looked like a girl and was treated as such.

Both of these people did change when they got out of their situations and now like me are mid-transition and the way society treats them is notably different. But while they- for lack of better terms- were presenting as women? Yeah no, if I'm the first person they said "I'm a man" to then where is the privilege coming from?

I know a trans guy who lived several years of life as a butch lesbian and to this day is only seen as and treated as a butch lesbian. Including by his partner. People are *mean* to him. Downright nasty, misogynistic, lesbiphobic, and awful. They treat him poorly because they percieve him to be a masculine woman. He's had surgery. He can't go on T because his partner won't let him. Where's the male privilege this person's getting? I'm not seeing it.

*names changed for privacy

[genderkoolaid]

I just, I don’t know. I don’t know how to make sure people only see me as a straight cis binary man who’s attraction to women is heterosexual when people are so quick to look for an excuse to call trans men lesbians and associate them with femininity, I don’t want to police other people’s labels because you fall into a cesspool of “acceptable” and “non acceptable”, but at the same time I don’t want to be able to be associated with lesbianism or it’s connotations in any way. I want to be able to say I’m a man and have that convey that I do not want people that consider themselves lesbians or heterosexual men to be attracted to me. I don’t want gender to be fake, at least not for me, and I don’t want the mixing of labels because for me it feels like it is creating the opportunity to be misgendered and forced into being seen as some sort of “half man” or “not really a man”. I want to be a man, just a guy, and I feel like there’s an increasing opportunity with these labels to misinterpret that, and yeah, I’m scared. I want people to be able to do what they want, as long as I will unequivocally be seen as a man.

The thing is... you are, unequivocally, a man. But in transphobic society, there is no guarantee you will unequivocally seen as a man, and certainly not by everyone.

There is nothing we can do that will make our transness acceptable for transphobic society. No matter how hard you try to be the perfect man, or how much you try to distance yourself from anything that could possibly associate you with womanhood, transphobes will not suddenly respect who you are. If there's anything to be learned from transmeds, its that trying to make people shrink their identities to something cis people can understand does nothing to fix transphobia but does everything to perpetuate it and hurt other trans people.

Cis people do not need weird trans people to make opportunities for them to misgender you. They will do that themselves. This is what we mean when we say other queer people are not the enemy; you are, even if unconsciously, blaming other queer people for the bigoted actions of cishet people. You are drawing a line from "being misgendered" to "other trans men calling themselves lesbians". You are trying to find a way to appeal to transphobic society to respect you so that you can avoid the pain of transphobia, but that will not happen. You cannot respectability politics your way out of being disrespected by transphobes. It fucking sucks and there's no way around it until we create a society free from queerphobia. That's why we have to stick together, that's why transunity is vital.

Again, this is very similar to bi lesbians being blamed for giving straight men an excuse to hit on lesbians; they don't need an excuse. I would like you to ask yourself: why do I jump to blaming other queer people for the actions of cishets? Why do I assume that, if they changed how they acted, it would mean my life got easier? Why do I feel that trans people have a responsibility to act and identify themselves a certain way to shape how cis people treat us, as if its our duty to make them stop being transphobic instead of theirs?

[vegasandhishedgehog]

Just a non-comprehensive list of all the things P'Jojo touched on throughout the entirety of The Warp Effect:

The harm of forcing teens to promise absolute abstinence from sex while not providing space for safe and open discussions about it

Some people have a strong sense of their sexuality/gender identity. Others don't

Even guys who seem like good ones can do horrible things and be unaware. They are not required to be forgiven no matter how guilty they feel

Being single by choice is not shameful

Fwb is not shameful either

No one has any right to expect more out of a relationship when you have communicated what you are up for up front

Female friendship is a beautiful, wonderful thing, why would we pit so many bad bitches against each other when they're cooler as friends?

Nonsexual kinks are valid and with the right person can make for a beautiful relationship

There are several methods for pregnancy and it's important to discuss things with your donor (if you've chosen one personally)

Listen to your partner! It is actually possible to be together for a decade and still be unaware of something they like/dislike!

You can be forgiven for being shitty in high school but that is not up to you, it's only up to the person you have wronged

Always know the age of whoever you're talking to so you don't accidentally sleep with a minor

Fatphobia and transphobia have never been cool

Trauma hurts and the journey to work through it is difficult. It's not wrong to want to reconcile with someone and find that you can't. It's not wrong to try to push past it numerous times. It is not your fault someone ruined what should be a good experience for you

Nonsexual intimacy is valid and the right partner will work with you to understand your needs

The choice to have children is a really big one and no it should not be an excuse to keep the relationship together. The choice not to doesn't always have to break it up either

Abortion is a personal matter and should be done safely and legally

STDs have all sorts of origins and are an important matter to address in terms of being polyamorous or even going from one partner to the next. They are also not a reason to feel shame and are simply a matter of getting proper treatment and abstaining from sex while healing. Straight couples can get them, it isn't just a gay stereotype

Anyone can have a romantic relationship and not have sex

Parenting from afar isn't being responsible, but it is still possible to create a relationship with your estranged child

Dick size is nothing to be concerned about - you can find someone who enjoys a sexual relationship with you no matter what

It is so important to see your doctor. If that doctor makes you uncomfortable, though, you should be fine to leave and go somewhere else

Gay does not mean pedophile and it's important for you and your children to know the difference because there are gay teachers and coaches who have enough on their shoulders

Cheating doesn't have to include anything physical if you're seeking pleasure from someone who is not your partner and have not discussed such things with your partner or the person you cheat with

Sex work should not be criminalized and more of us need to standing up for the rights of sex workers

Masturbation is normal and doesn't have to be treated as sad or pathetic

Cishet people can be amazing allies. You can have your group of gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and trans people with a bunch of them included and it can be a fabulous group

Casting agents that don't allow for body and gender diversity don't deserve their job

The show gave us a whole PSA on pelvic exams????? HELP??????

ALWAYS PRACTICE SAFE SEX NO MATTER WHAT YOUR AGE, ORIENTATION, OR IDENTITY IS - ALWAYS HAVE A PROPER DISCUSSION AND STICK TO WHAT EVERYONE CONSENTS TO. ALWAYS

I swear I'm still missing stuff but everything that The Warp Effect said is so special to me

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading roundup: April 2024

oh my god you guys I've read SO MUCH this month!!! I got BIG into reread N.K. Jemisin's tremendous Broken Earth trilogy and it's been jaw-dropping, and I have been reading a HEAP of comics and manga a

on the extremely off chance there's anyone following me who doesn't think comics, manga, graphic novels, etc don't count as "real reading" lmao lol get out of here??? you're on the Reading 1000s of Pages of Old Batman Comics blog. go feel the whimsy of reading a whole graphic novel in one afternoon and maybe you'll calm down.

ANYWAY!!! what have we been reading?

Earthdivers Vol. 1: Kill Columbus (Stephen Graham Jones, Davide Gianfelice, Joana Lafuente, 2023) - Stephen Graham Jones is one of my all-time favorite authors, and I was super excited to check out his first comic series. Earthdivers takes place in the wasteland of the 22nd century, where four Native survivors have hatched a plan to try to stop the disasters that are killing the world: use a time-travelling cave to send one of their number back in time to kill Columbus before he can launch the colonization of North America. it's a one-way trip, and the time traveler will have to be ruthless to achieve their goal. beyond the attention-grabbing hook of killing Columbus, this story dives (you see what I did there) deep into an exploration of what it means to sacrifice everything for a cause and find the will to be ruthless in pursuit of the greater good. I'm not 100% sure I tracked all of the twisting threads of time travel in this first volume, but the hook is compelling and Gianfelice's art is beautiful, so I'm really looking forward to seeing the series progress!

Spoiler Alert (Olivia Dade, 2020) - at this point I've written 8000+ words about this book on my patreon and it's becoming difficult to figure out what else to say or how to say it briefly. this book ties itself up in knots with its contrivances and makes both of its protagonists look dumb in the process. I don't like either of these people but - spoiler alert! - I still think April can and should do better. Olivia Dade please call me I just want to talk.

Delicious in Dungeon Vol. 1-3 (Ryoko Kui, trans. Yen Press, 2017) - I don't need to explain Dungeon Meshi. surely you've seen the gifs of Dungeon Meshi. all that matters is that I fucking love Dungeon Meshi, this shit rules and it's going to be so hard to hold off on reading Volume 4 while I try to prioritize some other books first. this world is great, the characters are a delight and a joy, and the way that Kui is so fascinated by the food and biology and exploration of adventurer fantasy tropes in her world makes my brain go wheeeeeeeeee!!! I'm having so much fun.

The Fifth Season (N.K. Jemisin, 2015) - historically I've very seldom reread books, but I'm starting to think that I need to change my stance on that. revisiting the Fifth Season years after I first read it, with the time to really enjoy it and also the maturity and perspective to actually appreciate what Jemisin is cooking, has enhanced the experience immeasurably. a thing that really struck me this time was how artfully Jemisin depicts the way orogenes are conditioned and groomed from the jump to be subservient and scared and willing to settle for life at the margins of society; it's not something that I could totally understand the nuances of when I read this book fresh out of my first year of college. this novel and its sequels are so brilliantly devastating, I cannot say enough great things about them.

My Pancreas Broke, But My Life Got Better (Nagata Kabi, trans. Jocelyne Allen 2022) - I did it, I'm officially caught up on all of Nagata's works that have been translated into English! and man, I'm still worried about her. the experience of reading My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness hasn't quite been replicated for me; I think that was a once in a lifetime event, although I've certainly found a lot that I relate to in Nagata's subsequent struggles to sort of out anxiety, independence, art, and figuring out what kind of relationships she event wants to have in her life. at this point I feel like I'm just reading the illustrated life updates from a friend I haven't seen in a long time who stresses me out because her life is a mess. which is still interesting! but god I hope something good happens to this woman soon.

The Obelisk Gate (N.K. Jemisin, 2016) - The Fifth Season is a book about the end of the world and of one woman's personal apocalypses that happened prior to that. its sequel, the Obelisk Gate, is a book that's extremely preoccupied with the tedium of figuring out how to run a halfway-functioning society in the midst of the apocalypse, which is genuinely fascinating stuff. and it's also a book about the fear and desperation and sheer levels of exhaustion that might drive someone to decide that, fuck it, maybe the world should end and we should be done with all of this, actually. it's also a book about devotion and dependence and destruction and devouring people you love in a VERY literal way, which it must be said is pretty sexy. the stuff that pops off between Essun and Hoa in this book makes me think of Octavia Butler in the best way; I think she would have adored them. I'm so excited to get to the final book and see how this all pays off, because the first time I read it I barely understood a single goddamn thing that was happening.

I Hate This Place Vol. 1-2 (Kyle Starks, Artyom Toplin, Lee Loughridge, 2022-2023) - a short and spooky comic series that wraps up in two tight little volumes. I have some gripes with the pacing, but it makes for a fun afternoon read. a mid-tier streaming service is going to adapt this into a live action series within a couple of years, mark my worms. personally I'm fancasting Mackenzie Davis as Gabby and Samira Wiley as Trudy.

[eirian]

yall ready for a gender journey post..

so yall could probably guess i grew up a cis girl. i didnt start questioning my gender until high school after i broke up with my first boyfriend which kind of freed me up to explore my identity as my own person for the first time. around age like 16 was when i first started identifying as trans, and at the time that meant a binary trans guy

after a couple years of getting comfortable exploring my gender i decided hey maybe im actually not a binary trans guy but instead nonbinary. still transmasc and guy leaning but not quite all the way anymore. this became a trend for the next loooong while, getting closer to the androgynous part of the spectrum as time went on

then in recent years (maybe about 5 years ago ish) i started to lean more towards femininity. this is significant for me because growing up i was always opposed to it--i hated wearing dresses, i hated putting on makeup, anything "girly" appalled me and i didnt know why. i ended up thinking its because i WASNT a girl, and thats why i was so uncomfortable with everything to do with being a girl. i rejected it so hard because it just wasnt me.

after living with eden for a while i got even more comfortable exploring the feminine part of myself. i started wearing dresses and skirts and actually ENJOYED it; i started painting my nails and wearing earrings again; i even grew my hair out to my shoulderblades (yeah thats where its at now LOL). ive even started using she/her alongside they/them. and im actually enjoying these things??? it feels like after all these years im finally able to reclaim them because i feel like im finally able to be comfortable with my gender--how my gender feels to ME, not to everyone else.

that was the problem when i was growing up--i was trapped in everyone else's perception of my gender and what it "should" be. i was trapped into a box that was made by everyone else's idea of what i SHOULD look like, what i SHOULD wear, what i SHOULD act like, etc. and it took me until age 26 to fully realize that my gender is what i want it to be, not what everyone else wants.

i dont have to be a guy to want facial hair and a flat chest and a low voice. loving pink and dresses and cute things and makeup and jewelry doesnt inherently mean im a girl. pronouns, features, clothes, even names dont inherently mean youre one gender or another. your gender is defined by you and only you and nobody should be able to put you into a box and define your gender for you.

..having said all this, im starting to explore my gender further, and im slowly coming to the POSSIBLE conclusion that i might come back around to being cis (albeit gnc). nothing would really change about me except the label tbh. if i do end up coming to that conclusion i will be very bummed about leaving the trans community, but i wont feel any less attached to it, as ive spent literally half my life as part of it. i understand what its like to be trans and to love myself as my most authentic self, and thats why im considering this possiblity!

identifying as a lesbian kind of pushed me in this direction as well--i cant remember the last time i felt truly comfortable and happy with a label regarding my orientation.. like ya damn. maybe i am a girl who likes girls LOL. it just feels right and natural for me personally??? its crazy. i love women. if youre a woman i love you no matter the flavor. i love my wife more than all of you though sorry <3

but god please dont take this as me being like "oh trans people just need to get comfortable with their gender and theyll realize theyre cis" that is a bullshit take and i am not saying that. this is strictly my own experience and journey! i am 100% not speaking for every trans person and you shouldnt either.

but ya. dan cis era???? we'll see. no official statement just yet but i just wanted to let yall know where im at in my ~gender journey~. until i confirm anything please still view me as a nonbinary girlthing! <3

[theweirderstuffblogdontlook]

Got two fanfics below the readmore, and a closing comic strip at the end of the fanfic showing what happens afterwards. So make sure to at least scroll to the bottom!

Sitting at the bar, a gay bar mostly frequented by lesbians which they had visited without incident a few times prior, Caprica alternated between sipping a drink, looking at her phone, and keeping an eye on Bob. Bob being currently disguised as Barbra, her "girlfriend" and former truck driver from out of town who’s been recovering from a car accident at her house.

It seemed everything was going pretty well. Bob's done a good job not being too suspicious and not breaking character, so she's been exploiting the bar over the past couple of days to keep Bob busy, and give herself a break from having the undivided attention of her obsessive stalker.

Though the unfortunate (in her opinion) trade off of being in a public location, is that sometimes people other than Bob will also take the initiative to bother her.

Case in point, as a lady sat in a barstool beside her, gesturing to get her attention and get Caprica to lean in a bit closer.

Saying in a bit of a hushed tone

"Hey, sorry to bother ya honey, but I figured I'd ask you instead. But Barbara's a Trans woman right?"

Oh… guess they clocked Bob. Still, that's a lot better than assuming he's a notorious criminal hiding out in disguise. 

She rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly.

"Uhhhhh…. Yeah. She… uhhh, she'd rather not talk about it."

"Yeah I understand. Just figured I'd ask since we've got a support group coming up, in case she wants to participate. You can let her know just in case I don't get the chance to talk with her privately for a minute."

"No, it's probably best if I let her know myself, so she won't… uhhh… I'll let her know."

"Alright, just get back to me if Barb is interested or not. No pressure though if she isn comfortable bringing it up."

"Yeah, we'll let you know."

And she got up and left to go mingle, leaving Caprica alone with her thoughts.

Damn, she should probably get ahead of this before Bob does anything too suspicious.

Sometime later, she and Bob sat in the big truck that used to belong to her grandfather, getting ready to go home, though she got Bob to pause for a bit for a chat. 

"So there might be something we should go over in regards to your Barbra disguise. So just in case someone asks, let's go over what transgender means, and a few other relevant terms you should know."

"Well alright. If ya think it'll help."

(One explanation later…..)

"Alright, now say it back to me. Someone asks if you're a Trans woman, what do you think that means?"

Bob, with a bit of excitement in his tone, replies

"It means I'm a lady who hasn't chopped off her dick yet!"

"...."

"...."

"You know what, we'll work on that."

And they head home.

Another day, another time, but the same place, Caprica and Bob (disguised as Barbra) are sitting together at a table at the lesbian bar, sharing a plate of nachos. 

Though Caprica was more eating a small bowl of jalapeño rings that came with the nachos than the nachos themselves.

And Bob was more enjoying teasing and flirting with his grumpy unsociable girlfriend than snacking.

Until they are rudely interrupted.

Two men, acting tipsy either from alcohol or their own egotistical self satisfaction, sleased over, one of them leaning against the table beside Caprica while the other stood behind her.

"Hey cutie, how'd you like to get with a real man?"

"Yeah, we’d be happy to show what you’re missing, hanging out with a bunch of slutty rug munchers like these."

Without skipping a beat though, and more of reflex than anything, Caprica deadpanned,

"Dude, this is a gay bar…. For gays. Quit flirting with people like me and go suck each other's faces instead."

And reached to take a sip of her drink.

Before her eyes glance over, and notice Bob's hand balled into a tight fist, which shook slightly with rage.

Caprica choked on her drink

OH SHIT RIGHT BOB!!!!!

These guys just… Oh shit. Right in front of Bob.

Trying not to let the nerves show in her voice, she says

"Okay, you…. You guys need to leave…" 

Obviously not successful in putting up a brave front.

And the guys just leaned in a bit closer. Pitching their voices a bit lower to make it harder for any lookie-loos to hear them over the background music.

"Awwww, but we just got here! And somebody's gotta set these dykes straight, might as well be a couple of good Samaritans like us."

"Yeah, we'd be happy to show you chick's what dick tastes like."

SHIT what can she do!! These guys are literally digging their own graves! Eyes widening further in fear she glances between the guys and the barely disguised ball of murderous rage that was Bob. 

Probably the only things keeping these two guys alive right now, was one… Bob being a bit of a slow thinker, taking a minute to figure out how exactly he was gonna murder these two. And two, that she makes him leave his knives at home when they go out in disguise so he couldn’t impulse stab as easily.

She makes a snap decision. 

Maybe if she can make a scene first, Bob won't get the opportunity to do something drastic and reveal his identity in public.

She turns to glare at the two men, raising her voice to draw more attention and maybe get someone else to intervene first before any blood gets spilled.

"I am literally here with my fucking girlfriend!"

She says gesturing at Bob.

"Now unless you two assholes want the only thing you're ever known for around town, is that you two are the kind of guys to hit on other people's girlfriends, you'd better walk out those doors and never let anyone here see your faces ever again!"

And good lord, the condescending smugness of these dudes was palpable.

"Hey now, no need to get all hysterical on us."

"Yeah, how are we supposed to know if it's your time of the month or not?"

And the two snicker dumbly, while Capricas eyes dart around. 

Two of the women from the dance floor, who were regulars at the bar, seem to have gotten the hint that something was up and were heading this way.

Though the two guys then continued, clearly trying to cover their ass now that there was a risk of witnesses.

"Hey, if you… two aren't in an uhhhh… open relationship you coulda just let us know and not get all upset over nothing.

"Besides, with how gross, fat, and hairy your girlfriend is, maybe you don't need a guy after all!"

Their condescending laughter peters out with a squeak of Bob's chair as he stands. The two men's courage faltering for a moment as they see his stature dwarfing the both of theirs.

The two women who had been making their way over also pausing at the sight, the anger in Bob's posture being clear even from across the room.

Though he keeps his tone even, and thankfully doesn't drop the feminine affect in his voice (and thus his disguise). And with a slow, controlled movement, he takes off his sunglasses, folds them, and hangs them on the collar of his funny 'my other ride is your mom' novelty shirt.

He then leans over, resting one hand on the table, and staring down the men with his big crazy eyes and deranged grin.

"You boys know what happens when you try hitting on another man's girlfriend right in front of them?"

One of the men puts up his hands in a timid ‘alright, calm down’ sort of gesture. Trying to be sassy as he says, "Hey, no need to HURK!!"

Bob snatched the man by the throat, cutting him off and startling his friend, along with Caprica 

"HEY HEY HEY!!!"

"BARB DON'T!!"

Caprica shot up from her seat, as Bob calmly made his way around the table, gaze hungrily fixed on the choking man clawing at Bob's hand, trying to break the grip around his neck.

Though he's knocked out of his focus as the assholes friend winds up a punch, and clocks Bob in the face with an accompanying shout of,

"LET GO OF HIM YOU BITCH!!!"

Bob staggers at the hit, then stills, and turns his attention to the other man. Who's angry expression falters with fear as Bob meets his gaze.

Caprica scrambles over, trying to get between Bob and the man, but he is able to move past her easily to punch the guy in the gut, and he crumples, wind knocked out of him. 

As Caprica, in a hushed worried tone, pleaded,

"Barb, we're in public Barb, people are watching, Barb. You know the rules, don’t break character."

And Bob, appearing not to listen, grabbed the other man by the collar of his shirt as he wheezed and tried not to fall over. Bob not obliging this man's attempt to stay upright, kicking out one of his legs so he tumbled, and the only thing keeping his head from smacking on the ground, being the shirt collar Bob held. Letting the second man be pulled along like a struggling sack of flour, all while still pulling the first man along by the neck, and starting to walk. Caprica still panicking in a hushed tone as by now the attention of the whole bar was on them, and a number of bystanders got closer to get a better view of the action.

"Come on Barrrb, think about you're doing, if you hurt them we can't come back…."

Bob started dragging the two men towards the front door of the bar, wide manic grin still on his face with each heavy step, and Caprica following along beside him, frantically whispering.

"They'll come and find us at the house, they might figure things out before we even get a real chance to run. Don't do this."

Bob kicks the door open, dragging the two struggling men out with him, letting one of the guys get smacked on the doorframe on the way out, and letting the door swing shut behind him.

Leaving Caprica looking nervously across the audience of mostly lesbians, many of whom were now chatting amongst themselves conspiratorially.

Caprica being too stressed to get a read on how the audience might be feeling about the whole affair and if they’ve turned against her and Bob or not.

But she does take a moment to consider since there weren't any windows to look out of, either on the door or the adjacent wall, maybe if she just stood here she could keep people from going out and witnessing Bob ripping them apart and calling the cops and escalating the whole thing and everyone finding out about Bob and Bob grabbing her before she can run and him getting taken to prison while she’s still stuck inside him and…

There's entirely too many people looking at her, so she goes out the door in a hurry.

She finds Bob standing there calmly, hands in his pockets, looking out across the street. His eyes glance down at her when she asks

"Where are the!!!!"

But she's interrupted as Bob gestures slightly with his head in the direction he'd been looking before, and Caprica can see the two men shambling off, one supporting the other with their arm across his shoulders to keep them steady.

Caprica lets out a huge wheezy breath, bracing against Bob with one hand as she doubles over and says,

"Oh thank fuck."

And Bob looks at her with a sly cheeky grin. 

She takes a few more deep breaths to try and steady herself, Bob saying a teasing

"Y'all right there sweetiepie?"

"I'm just…. Wheeze, shit Bob…. Just…"

"Spooked ya good didn't I?"

She glares at him.

"Don't you go acting like some bastion of self control now you fucking asshole. I know you were barely an inch from ruining everything."

"Yeah, but it's still fun to watch you get mad about it."

Caprica presses her face into her hands and lets out a long annoyed tone to try and get the stress out,

"HHHHHRRRRRrrrrgggggg…. Come on…. We still gotta go back in there and sort this out. You're stable enough right?"

Bob chuckles in response.

And Caprica stands up straight with a clap of her hands and says

"WHELP! Alright it's settled! Let's just leave and never come back, and never speak of this again!"

Bob leans in, wrapping an arm around Caprica's shoulders tenderly and nuzzling against the top of her head while saying apologetically.

"Awww darlin, come on, you'll be okay, they ain't gonna…"

Bob's interrupted as the door beside them opens, it's the bouncer, who was looking thoroughly apologetic, along with someone who normally is working the bar, but from the more authoritative tone, they were probably a more managerial type on top of pouring drinks.

"Are you two alright? From the sound of it, one of them tried to grab Caprica and the other ended up punching you when you tried to stop them."

It not being lost on Bob that the events were already getting spun to make him and Caprica look more innocent and non-confrontational than they had been. Clearly, the community was gonna be much more invested in looking after their own than being sympathetic to a couple of assholes. And Bob was happy to lean into that impulse of theirs. After all, he quite liked it here too, even if it meant agreeing to expand his ‘dont eat the neighbors, that’s too suspicious’ compromise with Caprica to include ‘don’t eat anyone who’s clearly a lesbian. It is not a large community and word travels fast and it’ll be too suspicious’. Taking on a warm tone and shifting back into his feminine Barbra affect, he stands back to his full height, though keeping an arm around Caprica, and responds,

"Yeah, we're alright. Don't-chu worry."

"How about the two men?"

"I gave 'em an earful and let 'em limp off with their tail between their legs. Hopefully we won't be dealin with those two again any time soon."

The manager seems relieved, taking up a bit more confident, even somewhat protective tone as she responds,

"Alright, if they show up again and start getting butthurt about things and trying to twist everything around, we've got a bar full of witnesses to let the authorities know how big of a creep those guys were. And of course, it should go without saying that those guys are banned for life."

The bouncer holds open the door for them, the manager trying to usher them both inside.

"Come on, I'll give you both a free drink, or maybe something to eat to help ya calm down, or heck, both if you want. And let's get you an ice pack for that bruise Barbra."

Though with Caprica being obviously the more nervous of the two, the bulk of the fretting quickly turned to her, giving Bob a moment to fidget with what he had in his pocket.

The source of why Bob was able to do an emotional 180 so quickly, and turn so calm and confident after the insults and the jealous, possessive rage.

Taking them out covertly for a moment to examine.

Two leather wallets. And flipping open the top one, a drivers license can be clearly seen in the transparent pouch, belonging to the man he had threatened to strangle to death.

A drivers license and thus, a name, and an address.

Bob's grin widened with sinister glee, before he stowed the mens wallets away, and followed the group inside.

Then, the following night...

[dallonwrites]

lover boy - wip (re)intro

How do you navigate love after losing the person you loved the most?

I realised I don't like writing WIP intros where I just list everything super neatly + have a nice official summary so I am just going to infodump!! Lover Boy is an Adult Literary/Historical novel set in the late 1980s that follows a gay man's navigation of love, sexuality, community and grief after losing his best friend to AIDS. It's inspired by my own experiences of grief + caretaking and the dissertation I did on grief in queer AIDS narratives. It follows Beau, my beautiful special boy, and is like patchwork quilt of all of his avenues of love -- romantic, sexual, platonic, familial, communal, self -- that is stitched together with the grief from this one major loss. This is paralleled with chronological flashbacks telling the story of Bobby's illness, and how Beau took care of him.

Beau and Bobby are best friends who were platonically in love with each other, who had to adapt their relationship as Bobby got sicker and Beau became his caretaker, and in the midst of this adversity became closer than ever. Beau is a lover of love in all ways, who thinks the best holidays Halloween and Valentines Day, who loves sex but is bad at not falling in love afterwards, who has a soft heart, who also has a massive crush on George Michael. Bobby loved his life, his friends and going to the club with them, scenic hikes and swimming, his pet snake named Judas, leather and heavy metal and activism and also the Muppets (his fave was Gonzo btw). He was obsessed with volcanoes and wanted to be a volcanologist. And Beau misses him so much!!! He is trying to understand what his life is now after losing such a big part of it. He is trying to understand what kind of love he wants. He also is trying really hard not to fall back in love with his ex boyfriend who is back in the picture. And he is not really doing any of this well!!

Other features of this novel:

Gay + Autistic protagonist who doesn't know he is autistic but his special interest is horror movies and it shows (favourites are anything monstrous + full of bloodsoaked practical effects. Favourite of all time is The Lost Boys). Beau literally looks towards horror movies to try and understand grief and loss

Protagonist is a guy who actively wants to be haunted and is looking for any signs of ghosts

Lesbian + Gay + Bi + Trans + everything solidarity. An honouring of that history. Exploration on how the AIDS crisis shaped and reshaped community and identity because well, I did an entire dissertation on it and I am not putting that to waste!!! It is interesting and important!!

A narrative that is brutally honest about grief and death, and all the ways it is messy and complicated. A narrative that also doesn't always take itself seriously because sadness and joy are always holding hands

Narrative that plays around with form (video transcripts, letters, journal entries, descriptions of art) and POV (past + present tense blended together, third person present that often dips into second)

Exploration of caretaking on a community level and an intimate, one to one level. Look into how love is often all the little ways we help each other hold on.

Exploration of disability and sickness and how it shapes your identity, your relationship with yourself and others, especially when you're young (I also have a novella planned actually exploring this from Bobby's POV, but you didn't hear that from me!!!!)

The idea that grief never gets smaller, just your life grows around it

The idea that you can love your friends!!! You can be in love with them!! And that love is no "lesser" than romantic love, and it is just as beautiful and big and bright. Even when Beau navigates romantic relationships, these aren't put on a pedestal above any other type of love

A golden retriever named Atlas (Beau's own beautiful, special boy)

This is a personal project that I'm not publishing, but it means a lot to me so I will talk about it a lot!!! I've been playing around with it in its current form for about a year now and am finally making a dent in an actual first draft. My want is to share long, in depth pieces about how I navigate writing a story like this somewhere like Substack, and also all the fun of drafting it along the way. Expect infodumps and excerpts!!!

[sunnywalnut]

I fully believe that the only thing that stopped me from identifying as trans when I was younger was the fact of my autistic black and white thinking.

Well yeah. That guy is trans. And I think he's super cool. But I couldn't be trans despite the fact that I feel more like myself with him because he embodies everything I wish I could be but stop myself from being.

Oh no I absolutely could not be transgender at all! I didn't know I was a dude since I was three like all these other people who were taught the concept of gender and the fact that gay people exist from a young age and I only learned lesbians existed after I was ten years old.

Of course that person is transgender. The whole reason I changed the name on the sticky note set on their desk was because they're my friend and I'm an ally. Totally not because I want somebody to do the same for me.

Nah bro. I don't think my obsession with gender neutral names and wanting to change my name to Alex because it was the only gn name I knew at the time had any transgender reasons for it. I'm just super attached to the idea of accidentally being mistaken for a boy. Even if it's just by name.

The reason I specifically searched for books with male protagonists my age when I was younger was totally because of super straight reasons and not because I identified with them more than any of the female leads, despite being extremely similar to a lot of them.

Oh totally I'm not jealous of my brother who's only one year older than me, therefore I get to see him embody all these manly traits like getting a cool low voice and be taught things that I wish I could learn but I wasn't explicitly invited so I stay where I was.

What do you mean it's not normal to treasure the blue Finding Nemo basketball cap that I sneered at on Christmas Day for "looking too boyish" and wearing it inside the house while I crawled up on my grandfather's lap so he could read to me.

Of course my best friend of over seven years is my sister! Despite the fact that I feel completely uncomfortable when she claims that I am hers. Not because we're not family. Because something is wrong with the word "sister" and I can't tell what.

I mean shit. The only reason I realized that I could've been queer was bc somebody told me that if I(a "straight girl") liked a trans guy, then I would be pansexual.

Untrue, obviously, since trans guys are still guys, and my little 13yo brain thought the same way, but the fact that somebody said it so casually just opened the floodgates of "what ifs" for me.

And you know what?

The year after that, I came out publicly as bi. Then ace. Then two years after that gender fluid. Then in the same year, transmasc. Then lesbian a couple months later. Then transmasc but not lesbian after a couple weeks because my partner was also genderfluid. And now? Transmasc/trans man and bi, specifically for the girls and gnc folks.

Had that person not told me I was pansexual, I'm pretty sure I would've just gone around being indifferent to my romantic partners thinking that friendship was the romance all along this entire time.

Six entire years. And I was autistic the whole time.

It was always about being a good person for the "other" people who needed me until I realized I could be the other people as well.

The whole reason I didn't "show signs" of being transgender during my childhood?

Same reason I didn't show signs of being autistic.

I was mirroring people. I was mirroring what I thought was needed of me. Ignoring my interests or things I was curious about. Because I knew what was expected of me. That part of it was explained thoroughly, at the very least. The gender part of it all. And by God, I was going to do a good job at it.

And yeah. I was happy when I found dresses that were pretty.

Not because I was the one wearing them.

But because it meant that my mom thought I was doing such a good job at Gender that I deserved a skirt. In order to show it off to everyone.

Same reason I allowed my hair to be done. Little jewels to be twisted into my long locks that I grew myself and refused to cut. Because this was what I was good at. Everyone, even if they didn't like me, they liked my long, feminine hair. They liked my frilly, feminine dresses. And my shiny, feminine jewelry.

And well... I liked being liked. I liked being admired.

Because nobody noticed me any other way.

Unless it was for my art.

I was good at art.

I'm still good at art.

My "feminine" art.

I no longer get joy from long hair and frilly dresses and shiny jewelry.

But I still get joy from art.

Even if it isn't feminine.

Even if it isn't shown to anyone.

Because it is mine.

It is me.

It is the one thing that I grew up seeing that everyone could do. Regardless of skill. Everyone was thrown in a class together. Everyone crowded around the girl who drew anime in class. Everyone knew of the famous men like Van Gogh. Everyone was able to do art. Everyone was able to be creative. To get messy. To work with their hands.

And everyone meant that there was space for me, too.

There were finally shades of gray.

And I clutch them dearly to my heart, right next to the rainbows of devotion I painted on the inside walls of my ribcage.

Each palette I've created is a labor of love, used to picture the world in each wonderful shade of admiration.

And that is still the one thing that I have found that try as they might, they cannot sort into sexes.

So I keep my shades of gray. I keep my rainbows and my flags. And I paint them with all the colors I like. Because art showed me a way to be free. And I refuse to live my life in a cage. Regardless of who's hands made it.

I just know that it won't be mine.

[musashi]

saw the term "over-villainification" today in reference to a character who is by all means a villain in the narrative, but who is demonized even further by the fandom for the sole purpose of Blorbo Angst.

in particular it was about Volo from pokemon legends arceus, and how the fandom/fanon version of him tends to be WAY more heinously evil in fanwork exclusively because the fandom loves the train guys so much and wants to angst them harder. i never beat PLA, but i think we need to adopt over-villainification into the fandom lexicon. if there isn't already, like, a fandom term for it. it's like... the opposite of woobification? the counterpart to it?

over in my fandom i really like this shitty evil murder bastard. he's super fucked up. he did at least one murder, maybe two. but he's also a dad. so for pretty much no fucking reason at all, the fandom decided that he abuses his kids. even though looking at canon it kinda makes no fucking sense for that to be the case, it's just a headcanon like anything else.

but see, his kids are the fandom darlings, or at the very least his surrogate son is, i don't think anyone besides the lesbians care abt his daughter. but he's got this fruity little son who is everything coded (gay, trans, autistic, the works) and canonically has PTSD (from a tangentially related thing) so naturally the fandom has latched onto this guy because anyone can project on him. and they have just chosen. to make his weird notdad an abusive monster. to beat up Blorbo.

it's kind of frustrating? it's kind of shit, really. this character i like is a pretty run of the mill villain. he has about 900 works featuring him on AO3, but if i filter out all the known child abuse tags (as well as a custom tag the fandom has for him being abusive specifically) the number drops down to 700. i guess this practice is harmless, really, but there's still people posting hate in his tag nonstop and calling me an abuse apologist for liking him. which is weird, cause again, he... didn't even abuse anyone. he did some murders, but child abuse is just a headcanon.

anyways, petition to make a word for this so its easier to roll our eyes at. "over-villainification" is so many syllables. maybe we can call it volofication, in honour of he blonde bitch from hisui.

[cutfruitbitch]

Eddie Munson x transmasc reader

Tags: smut (18+), trans male reader, lightly implied transphobia (only because it’s 1985 in Indiana, nothing outright or aggressive), (mostly) confident! Reader, desperate! Eddie, fairly neutral language regarding reader’s genitals, brief moment of insecurity due to reader’s identity, I wouldn’t say dom reader necessarily but he definitely directs most of the situations that happen here, marijuana

Note: the author (me) is a transgender man. If any one has any beef with the way reader is portrayed here, I’m sorry but as always, don’t like don’t read.

You know of Eddie Munson, but you don’t know him all that well. You know he’s a metal head, and that he plays Dungeons and Dragons. You know he sells drugs, and drives a van, and lives in the shitty end of town. You know he’s extroverted, and fun, and so fucking cute. You know that you want to get closer so badly, and you just don’t know how. You think that if you had the chance, if you could somehow make Eddie really see you, that maybe he’d like you just as much as you like him.

You see him around, and he just seems so cool. Not cool like popular people cool, cool like….like he just doesn’t care if he’s cool or not. Eddie Munson is cool in the same way that Steve Harrington is cool. Yes, you know, that thought seems like it contradicts the first one, but listen. At first, Steve Harrington was cool because he was popular. He was hot and rich and that was it. All filler, no substance. But then, Steve decided he didn’t care anymore. No, Steve Harrington didn’t give a fuck about being king of Hawkins. He started hanging out with middle schoolers, and that girl from band (who’s totally a lesbian, but that’s neither here nor there). The point is, Steve Harrington became actually cool because he stopped giving a shit about everything except for the shit that mattered to him. Eddie Munson is the same way. He’s cool because he doesn’t care about the shit that small town morons think people should care about. Eddie cares about the shit that he thinks is important, and doesn’t give a fuck about the rest. And that makes him cool.

Maybe it’s like, actually insane of you to piece all of that together. You’ve never had a conversation with Steve Harrington, ever. You’ve talked to Eddie like five times, probably. You’ve talked to the marching band lesbian more than both of them combined. Maybe that makes you super fucking weird. You prefer to think that you’re just incredibly observant. None of this is really the point right now, however.

The point is, currently, that you haven’t totally figured out yet is how Eddie Munson earned the title of town freak. Like, sure, being a D&D playing metal-head in Nowhere, America wasn’t exactly a ticket to popularity, but the way people talked about him seemed a little aggressive for it to be just about his interests. Or…maybe his ‘interests’ are exactly the issue? A guy can dream, anyways.

The point is, you have a plan, and that plan is to buy drugs. It’s totally fool-proof. You’ve smoked plenty of weed, but you’ve always mooched off other people at parties, which means you have no fucking clue how to roll a joint, or pack a bowl, or any of that shit. And Eddie sells weed. It’ll give you something to talk about. Good bonding method. Probably. So you’ll just go to Eddie’s trailer, buy drugs, tell him you don’t know how to do jack shit, then he’ll invite you in. Hopefully. Maybe.

Jesus Christ.

Here’s the thing:

You’re a boy. A man, even. And your running theory is that Eddie Munson is gay. Partially because you really want him to be gay, and also because your gaydar says so. Your gaydar might be biased. Who’s to say, really.

But you’re a man, and Eddie is a man, and you like men, and hopefully Eddie likes men. Two plus two plus two is six. But…Eddie might not, enjoy, per say, the kind of man you are. Eddie is a good guy, if he rejects you, he wouldn’t tell anyone. Freaks and weirdos have an unspoken code like that, just like how band kids and theater kids have an unspoken alliance. But, you’re going to be incredibly realistic about the entire situation: you are in the American Midwest in 1985. You’re doing something terribly risky because you’re, what, horny? You’re going to possibly out yourself because you have an unquenchable thirst for Eddie Munson’s cock?

You need to stop spiraling, because you’re already at his trailer. It’s a quick walk, because you also live in the shitty part of town. Alright, okay, cool, let’s do it. One, two, three, knock.

“Uh, hey man. Can I help you?”

Your mouth goes dry, unlike other parts of you. He’s wearing a cropped band tee-shirt and plaid pajama pants. He looks so warm and soft, it makes you want to shove your hands in his pants.

“Oh, hey, I was, uh, wondering if I could buy off you? I’m sorry if I woke you up,” You say, trying not to stare at the trail of hair on his stomach. You are not successful.

“Oh, yeah man, come on in,” Eddie wanders back into his trailer, and you follow to what you assume is his bedroom. It’s pretty much exactly what you thought his bedroom would look like, covered in band posters and random shit. Looks a lot like your room, actually.

“So I’ve got a few pre rolls, and like, two grams around here somewhere,” Eddie calls out, rooting around for something under his bed. You don’t stare at his ass. You don’t.

“Maybe like, four pre rolls? I don’t know how to roll a joint or pack a bowl, so those would probably be best,” You chuckle, mostly to yourself. You figure that neither of those things are that hard to learn how to do, probably, but you’re also kind of a moron, so. Better safe than sorry. Eddie shoves himself out from under his bed.

“You don’t know how to roll a joint? Or pack a bowl? You’ve smoked weed before, right?” He’s on his knees, staring up at you, wide-eyed. It’s….certainly an image. Down boy. You rub the back of your neck and glance off to the side. There’s a sticky note with a pen drawing of what appears to be Slash, thumbtacked to the wall. He’s so fucking cute.

“I’ve actually smoked a ton of weed, but I’m kind of a mooch. You know, I always get passed the blunt at parties, shit like that, but I’ve never really smoked on my own time,” You admit. Eddie laughs, low and hoarse.

“That’s so sleazy of you, pretty boy. Wanna smoke right now?” He says, plopping himself down on his bed.

Pretty boy.

Lord, strike me down.

“Sure, if it’s not like, inconvenient or anything? I’ll still pay,” You sit down next to him, not too close. You end up too close anyways, because you can smell him. God, you might actually die. He leans over to his bedside table and rummages around for something.

“Not inconvenient at all, sweet boy,”

You swallow hard. It’s not typical straight dude behavior to call a guy pet names, right?

He pulls out a joint, a lighter, and an ashtray.

“Just one joint?” You laugh. He smiles right back.

“What, you’re not cool with sharing?” He puts the joint between his lips. You quickly look away. Don’t fucking stare.

“I don’t know where your mouth has been, Munson,” You lean back on your palms and stare absentmindedly at the ceiling while Eddie lights the joint.

“Mhm, you never know with guys like me,” He hands you the joint. He’s closer than before. Maybe you’re hallucinating.

“Yeah? What’s a guy like you? Metalheads?” You’re not even sure if that sentence made sense. You feel like everything is spiraling out of control, and nothing is really even happening. You hit the joint. Being high could make everything better. Or like, a thousand times worse.

“Nah, freaks,”

“And what exactly makes you a freak? I never really understood that,” You admit, studying the joint between your fingertips. You’ve always done that when you smoke. You take a hit, then stare at the joint like you’re a scientist and it’s your specimen. Like, hmm, yes, this marijuana is the finest in Indiana, I shall add it to my collection. God, you’re so fucking weird.

“Oh, well, you know, just the typical shit. My hair is too long and my jeans are too ripped and I play children’s games and listen to Satan worshiping music,” Eddie laughs, but it sounds forced and nervous. You hand the joint back to him.

“Nah, I don’t buy it,” You say casually. So casual. So fucking normal and casual. Several expressions quickly flash over Eddie’s face. He settles on suspicion.

“Don’t buy what?”

“I don’t buy that that’s the shit that makes you a freak. Are you secretly a werewolf? Or like, into crazy BDSM stuff? I saw those handcuffs, Munson. Hanging them on the wall like a decoration? Brave,” Eddie honest to god giggles at that. You give him a lopsided grin.

“It’s alright Eddie, I’m a freak too, probably,” you’re doing it, you crazy, brave moron. You’re taking the leap.

“Hmm? And why’s that?” Eddie puts the half smoked joint on the ashtray. Oh, he’s definitely closer now. He turns, sitting cross-legged on the bed, facing you.

“A lot of reasons. Liking boys is one of the big ones, but no one knows that,” you are so fucking stupid. You glance at Eddie while your heart attempts to escape your body via your esophagus. He’s just staring, big brown eyes wide as hell. He leans in closer. God, why is he so close?

“You like boys? You…like like boys?” Eddie whispers. You nod. He smiles, eyes a little watery.

“Me too,” He says softly. You just sit there, smiling at each other like two idiots.

“Cool,” You say softly. Eddie’s staring at you like he’s never really seen you before. Maybe he hasn’t, not like this. Maybe he’s never met another queer person. His eyes are so big, and dark, you feel like you could fall in and drown. He leans impossibly closer, and his hand brushes yours. You let out a strangled sort of noise. Smooth, real smooth.

“I just-“ Eddie cuts himself off. You knock your shoulder against his. Time to finish your leap of faith.

“Eddie, I’m going to be really super honest with you right now. I’m into you, like a lot. I don’t want you to feel, like, obligated, because there’s probably not a lot of other gay guys in Hawkins, but…yeah. Now you know,” You finish lamely. God, why do you keep alternating between weirdly confident and stupidly nervous? Eddie tugs at a strand of his hair, and covers your hand with his.

“I’m not feeling…obligated. I’m also into you. Like, so much it’s probably weird. I’m probably being weird,” He seems like he’s about to start nervous word vomiting, like Robin from marching band. You turn so you’re fully facing him. His face is very, very red, and he seems like he desperately wants to look at you but also absolutely can not make eye contact.

“You like me? I honestly didn’t know if you knew who I was, other than someone who wanted to buy drugs from you,” Eddie shook his head vigorously at your words, his hair bouncing everywhere.

“No man, I noticed you. You just always seemed so cool, like, you knew you weren’t popular and you just didn’t care. Like, that kinda shit doesn’t even matter to you. I dunno, I kinda always wished I was more like that. More like you,” Eddie’s really close now. You adjust the way you’re sitting, moving so your legs are crossed. Your knees touch his.

“You want to be like me?” You ask. Eddie nods.

“Yeah, pretty boy. I just think you’re cool,” His nervous fingers twist his rings. You wish you had something to anxiously fiddle with, too. You decide to pick at a rip in your jeans.

It’s definitely not your imagination. There’s tension, something alive in the space between you and Eddie. All of a sudden, like a switch was flipped. You’ve taken all the leaps, and stuck every landing so far. Your chances are pretty good, it seems. Another leap. Leap leap leap.

You crawl forward, and sit yourself down right in his lap.

Eddie looks up at you, all big brown puppy dog eyes. His hands hover over your thighs, like he has no idea what to do with them.

“Is this alright?” You ask.

“So fucking alright,” Eddie mumbles, and he’s kissing you, Christ, he’s fucking kissing you.

It’s like a dam has broken between you. It’s teeth and tongue and saliva, and you just can’t get close enough to him. His tongue is in your mouth, and fuck, having any part of him inside of you is nearly enough to make you cum in your jeans. He’s gripping your thighs now, and god, those rings.

His hands slide further, gripping your ass. He hauls you closer, so you’re literally sitting on his cock. You can feel the hot press of it through his pajamas.

“Eddie…” You start. Christ, you want it. You want him, so badly it hurts. You ache.

“Mhm?” Eddie hums, and begins to kiss down your throat.

You’ve done a pretty great job at navigating this whole encounter so far, but now that you’re here, your insecurities are getting the best of you. Well, maybe not insecurities, per say, but weird internalized shit. Whatever, you’ll save it for therapy, but for now:

“You, er, maybe don’t- uh…..you probably don’t want to have sex with me. Not that I’m assuming that we were going to have sex,” You blurt out. So cool, so smooth. Moron.

“Huh?” Eddie already looks throughly fucked. His cheeks are red and his hair is wild, and he’s so beautiful.

“I..you like men. You’re attracted to men. And like, I’m…absolutely a man, but maybe….not quite the kind of man you’d sleep with,” You cringe internally. Way to be clear and concise. Eddie cocks his head to the side like a puppy.

“I’m not following,” He grips your waist. Focus, please.

“I have a vagina,” Brillant. Awesome. Foot, meet mouth. Eddie just stares.

“Okay?” He makes a face that you hope means I don’t understand why we stopped kissing, let’s keep doing that.

“So…I don’t have a dick,” You stare back at him. Being transgender in the Midwest in 1985 equips you with a certain sense of realism, which means you know that typically the best outcome of people finding out that you’re trans is that they don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. Even the gays don’t always know shit about gender. You’re shooting in the dark, here. Eddie pets your hair.

“Man, I don’t care. You’re a dude, I see you as a dude. I like men, you like men, we’re all gay men here. Right?” Eddie says, like it’s the easiest shit in the world. You look at him, stunned.

“God, I’m going to fuck you,” You more-or-less throw yourself at him. It’s not your fault that basic human decency turns you on.

Eddie flips you both, so he’s on top of you. You’re trapped between his body and his bed, surrounded by him and his clothes and his scent and everything is Eddie Eddie Eddie.

You pull at each other’s clothing urgently. You don’t think you’ve ever felt like this, wild and desperate. You’re both down to your boxers, and Eddie’s grinding against you like he aches for it. He sneaks a hand under your ass, pulling you against him even more.

“I need to be inside you, please, please, let me,” Eddie is breathless, face against your neck. It’s kind of cute, how desperate he is. It’s not like you can judge, you’re just as hard-up.

“Please Eddie, c’mon,” Eddie shoves your boxers down around your ankles, then his. He holds himself over you, and his arms shake.

“How…how do you want this to go?” He asks you. You push him on his back and slide into his lap. You hover, on your knees, over his stiff cock. It’s flushed and dripping, and you fucking need it.

“Alright, sweet boy, lemme grab a condom,” Christ, with the nicknames again. He quickly snatches a bottle of lube and a condom from his bedside table and makes quick work of putting it on, and slicking himself up. You reach behind, and steady his cock as you slowly sink down.

“Oh fuck,” Eddie whimpers into your chest. You settle yourself into his lap, his cock fully seated inside you. This is what dreams are motherfucking made of.

“You okay, Eds?” You cup his cheek with your palm. You didn’t know that he’d be like this, that you haven’t even begun to move and he’s already this drunk on sex. He nods sheepishly, and thrusts shallowly.

“You’re just so fucking wet, and tight,” He runs his hands up and down your back, your thighs, your ass, like he has no clue what to do with them.

“C’mon big guy, fuck me like you mean it,” You chuckle. Eddie nods, like the good boy he is. He wraps his arms around you, and begins to fuck in to you, hard and wet. He lets out a plethora of noises, a goddamn symphony of moans and hums and gasps and choked-off little laughs. Fuck, he fills you up perfectly, like God carved out a space inside of you that was meant just for him. Pleasure rolls through you in waves. You were never particularly noisy during sex, but Eddie evidently knows exactly how to get you to gasp and moan.

“Please, fuck, I wanna- shit,” Eddie stumbles over his words, like his thoughts are all jumbled up. You have to admit, your brain is pretty scrambled too.

“Whaddya want Eddie?” You ask. He slows his thrusts and looks up at you.

“I just wanna- this,” He says, and he throws you both forward so he’s on top of you. He hikes your legs up around his waist and pumps into you with wild abandon.

“Jesus Christ,” He mumbles. You grin.

“No, just my name is fine,” You snark. He chuckles, and fists the sheets next to your head.

“God, fuck, I think I’m about to cum,” Eddie pants, rhythm faltering.

“Same,” you admit. You can feel it rising in you with each of Eddie’s thrusts, the slick drag of his cock hot like a brand inside you. You feel like a cup of warm tea filled to the brim, ready to spill. You feel like you’re under a warm blanket on a cold winter night. You feel sloppy and wet and like every second feels impossibly better than the last.

And then you cum around Eddie’s cock.

It’s like stars exploding. Supernova. It’s like a lot of things, and you can’t think of any of them because you are transcending time and space.

“God, fuck, you just creamed on my cock, holy shit, oh fuck-“ Eddie bits down on where your neck and shoulder meet, and cums inside you. You wish you could feel it, but hey, safety first.

Eddie slumps off to the side, out of breath. You stare at the ceiling, body twitching and slick with sweat. You kind of wish you had a cigarette. You look over at Eddie, who, quite frankly, looks braindead.

“Hey Eds?”

“Yeah, sweet boy?”

“Next time, fuck me from behind,”

“Jesus H Christ,”

“I told you, Eddie, just my name is fine,”

[burnt-coffeepot]

i've decided that it doesnt matter if i fear i might be transgender just cuz of x

i fear i might be trans just cuz i feel uncomfortable with people treating me as nothing more than a sexy doll, just cuz i feel uncomfortable when people see me and they immediately think about sex.

i am uncomfortable with the thought of female sexual roles being associeted to me in other people's mind, and i want to control this as much as possible.

i am still really uncomfortable with the thought of sex and i dont let myself enjoy my sexual life cuz the shame and the uncomfortableness is just too big.

my friends still are shocked when it comes up and they discover i've been active, i've been the dominant part all the times. cuz they see me and then think about me as a sex doll and i hate it cuz it's not their fault and it's just the way society is built but it's not my fault either and i dont want to be associated with sex in this way.

im not a top, i am a switch, i probably would enjoy partaking in sexual acts in other positions of control, but i dont feel comfortable with what derives from it.

i fear im gonna be treated as a class B citizien Even More.

but being a guy, no one would care. being a guy my personhood would not be diminished because everyone assumes im dominant, so who cares. I feel helpless, and it doesn't help that the people around me comment on my body, on my boobs and my ass all the time to say how fuckable i am.

it all comes down to this, being born a female:

how fuckable i am in the eyes of others.

BUT THERE IS MORE TO WOMANHOOD THAN THIS and i love women and i dont think about sex when i see a pretty woman, even when she's dressed in a way that may lead most to think immediately about sex, i just see a fucking person.

so i dont understand why (in my mind) this applies Only To Me.

only I am perceived the wrong way.

that's why i feel i'd be more comfortable being a boy. and i've been a boy for a while now and I Am much more comfortable, really. But not everyone knows I'm a boy cuz im still stuck dressing in a way that communicates "womanhood" to the people around me.

I am not allowed happyness cuz it doesn't matter how much i try, everything everyone sees when they look at me is a fucking fleshlight that walks.

i feel like i am being denied personhood.

to think about my gender as something totally unrelated to sex for the past years has been so freeing

i have been experimenting: my gender is gaming, my gender is neon colors, my gender is black holes and nebulas, my gender is space pirates, my gender is gayboyfag, my gender is flapping my hands when im excited, my gender is glitter, my gender is an artwork made in paint ms.

this has been a liberating experience

but it's not enough yet

i need to start wearing clothes that match this idea that i have of me in my mind. i would love to be a lesbian too, if it weren't that i am bisexual BUT I STILL WOULD LIKE TO BE A LESBIAN

Like, I Mean if i lived 20 or 30 years ago, i would be rolling with the butches and the femmes, i would have found community with them, i would have started a riot grrrl band.

but i started "pretending" to be a boy on the internet when i was age 13/14, and i dont think that the liberation that i find in being perceived and treated as a boy (or boy adiacent genders) is gonna go away soon

so yeah, i think im transgender, im not an imposter, i really am.

why? cuz thinking about myself as a boy has only made me happier since i've started, and it has helped me get on the path to liberate myself from social pressure about sexuality and behaviour/manners.

if thinking about yourself as X gender makes you happier, EVEN IF YOU DIDNT THINK OF YOURSELF AS X GENDER ALL YOUR LIFE, then by all means i think you should be able to say you are X gender.

Chase happiness

Create Your Self

[the-gay-disney-games]

Round 1A: Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001) vs. Newsies (1992)

Propaganda:

Atlantis: The Lost Empire:

“I know Milo is trans because he is exactly like me in every other way why wouldn't he be this way too”

“Milo is a twink and Helga is butch I rest my case”

“Audrey”

“Helga Sinclair is literally there, gay awakening of many along with Kida and Audrey”

“Literally everyone on the exploration team is some form of queer coded except for Commander Rourke. From weedy Academia Disater Bi Milo, to lesbian coded mechanic Audrey, to the crotchety, gossiping, seen it all and death's too intimidated to take her old queer Wilhelmina Packard. Plus how all of them wear their crystals at the end of the movie... They are not straight.”

Newsies:

“i could make a supercut if i had the energy. 1: kenny ortega word of god confirmed trans racetrack, 2: the male leads get a balcony scene, a weird alley scene where one shoved the other against a wall by the chest and it’s REALLY gay, at the end when jack decides to stay it cuts to DAVEY (these r the male leads) instead of sarah (the love interest), 3: in one of the songs one of the characters sings “ain’t i pretty” and one of the other guy characters nods. also it’s a musical about the underdogs/oppressed winning yes it’s based on a real thing but yk. and they made the ending a lot happier and all the main characters are amalgamations of people/made up”

“Just gay as hell tbh”

“Kenny Ortega, the director, confirmed that he purposefully queercoded it! Jack and Davey almost kiss like 20 times and the have a balcony scene also Blink and Mush are constantly cuddling in the background.”

“it’s directed by a gay person, same guy who directed the high school musical movies, so everything that’s super gay can be assumed to deliberate, literally certifiably gay coded. it revolves around the friendship between these two guys. it’s a lot to get into maybe i’ll get back to you later but it’s really gay and also my favorite movie, i mean my name on here is literally transfagjackkelly”

[imglowinginthedarkness]

revamped some of my old mlp ocs !! lil bios and whatnot under the cut (o´〰`o)♡*✲ﾟ*。

Valentine

agender! they/it

their friends call them Vee!

their talent is writing those really cheesy and dumb valentines day cards that come in packs of like 24 at michaels. at least, that’s what they tell anyone who asks

a cutie pie, knows it, and often uses their looks to get what they want

their dad is a changeling and their mom is a pony. their birth was unnatural and 70% magic

bit sketchy ngl. lil bit of a bitch. talks behind people’s backs

loves their gf Cheshire and though they tease her a lot, if anyone else says anything even kind of mean to or about her Vee will literally kill them

Cheshire

Vee’s anxious bat pony girlfriend

lives in the woods

cries when she walks into table corners

her talent is talking to rodents? she can’t talk to any other animal but rats and mice love her

kind of a dumbass but tries her best. just has no braincells

can and will dissolve into tears at any second

usually found with a multitude of scratches from various encounters with unfriendly creatures in the Everfree Forest

nonbinary! she/her

Rag Doll

everyone calls them Doll

their talent is making crochet stuffed animals

an absolute sweetheart and is, like, a suspiciously good person. they probably murdered someone in a past life

has a very gentle kind voice and lovely doe eyes

demi gal! they/she

nonbinary lesbian :)

the kind of person everyone falls at least a little bit in love with

adopted kid of Twilight Sparkle and Sunset Shimmer

Rainstorm

her friends call her Rain, her family calls her Rainstorm

mute, uses pegasus sign language to talk

gf of Sterling and basically the only pony Sterling actually gives a shit about

her talent is aerial dancing

has a twin brother called Typhoon who isn’t around much but Rain still loves him

quiet and thoughtful. very introspective and usually keeps to herself, though she’s not antisocial

is bi! used to go out with a guy from the dance studio she attends

Sterling

defensive and closed off, doesn’t like being vulnerable

gf of Rain and would literally die for her, since she’s pretty much the only person who genuinely seems to enjoy Sterling’s company

her talent is jewelry making

has had a multitude of admirers but has scared off literally every potential romantic partner (except for Rain, of course)

disaster lesbian

has been in love with Rain since they were foals

volunteers at Cheerilee’s school even though she claims she doesn’t like kids 

Hazelnut Spread

goes by Hazel or Hazelnut

honestly a bit stuck up but really does mean well

more loyal to her family than anything else

claims she doesn’t like Doll because they’re “too nice”. actually secretly has a huge dumb crush on them and hates the fact that they make her feel all warm and fuzzy inside

her talent is making those super fancy crepes that look amazing but are really impractical to eat

her mom is Pinkie Pie, her bio dad is Pokey Pierce

trans-femme!

Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness

has like a hundred nicknames cause their name is a fucking mouthful. mainly goes by Marzi but is also called Mads by their family

SO loud like jesus christ bitch please fucking chill

its talent is making rock candy that doubles as hallucinogens

has ADHD and physically cannot sit still

the “rebel child” but in name only. she loves her family and they approve of everything she does (except Hazel but, you know)

pangender! they/she/he/it/xe/fae/whatever else, marzi’s not picky

xer mom is Pinkie Pie, xer bio dad is Cheese Sandwich

does a lot of ecstasy and shrooms

Chestnut

her talent is making really wonderful coffee. like it’s not fancy or anything, it’s just normal coffee, but it’s the best and most comforting you’ll ever taste

trans-femme!

very warmhearted and welcoming. has a knack for making others feel safe around her

everyone calls her by her full name, but Jagged Note calls her ‘Chex’ sometimes

constantly stressed out, deals with a lot of anxiety though she manages to hide it well. more or less. sorta

Jagged Note

Chestnut’s loving bf

known to everyone as Jay

his talent is making hyper pop scream-o music

trans-masc! he and chestnut are T4T :)

very chill and laidback, thus is the one to calm chestnut down when she gets overwhelmed 

claims to be punk and badass even though he cries at that one chef boyardee commercial