#a shame i cant do that now due to work

[foolish-clown]

To the amazing anon who sent that ask: I see you 👀

[lucysarah-c]

Okay Okay hear me out

I'm actually dying for this and no one really talk about it that much

Buutt

Levi gaining weight and becoming more muscular in season 4 >>>>>>.

It's actually very funny because I imagine him trying his trousers and it didn't fit him right and he actually realized it

Lol

I have to be honest here; I'm an old-school follower of Shingeki no Kyojin, and I remember fighting and arguing that Levi wasn't even remotely skinny in the manga compared to how WIT portrayed him. So, Levi has always been thicker in my mind, but I 100% SUPPORT THE IDEA OF HIM GETTING EVEN THICKER IN SEASON 4.

I like to think that Levi is secretly a foodie; he doesn't like to overindulge because he knows how scarce food is, but I do believe he eats more than people think he does. He's the kind of person who makes you wonder where everything he eats goes. Plus, as someone who hits the gym rather frequently, when you work out as much as Levi, you simply eat more because those muscles need energy.

Now, Season 4 Levi? With all the new food and space to harvest after they retook Wall Maria? The sea with more fish? This man is preparing himself for a war; he's working his life off to get ready, and therefore, he is eating. One day he wakes up to put on the new uniform, and he simply can't make it past the middle of his legs—hahaha, GOD, him doing little jumps trying to put it on. Plus, his chest? He can't close the thing even if he tries. I don't think Levi minds it at all; I believe he's a firm believer that the healthier and stronger you are, the better.

Why did I imagine his girl squeezing his chest playfully and saying, "When's the due date? Haha, you've got more tits than me" (playfully though, nothing shaming here)

Tag list!: @nube55 @justkon @notgoodforlife @jimoonbeau @nmlkys @humanitys-strongest-bamf @quillinhand @thoreeo @darkstarlight82 @i-literally-cant-with-this @angelofthorr @aomio4 @levisbrat25 @fxnnyackerman @secretmoneybearvoid @trashblackrainbow @l3visthighs @hum4n-wr3ckag3 @hannieslovebot @flxrartsstuff

Wanna join my tag list? here!

[lazyveran]

ask about your arranged marriage au you say >:) :evil_hand_rub:

So. to begin with. Why and How is this what happened? is it a postwar diplomatic treaty thing, and Zuko is already too married to Mai to be the one wed? How much Hell did Azula and Katara put whoever suggested it through, and how did it end up happening anyways? What were each of the girls up to prior to the engagement? how do they feel about it? What does the world look like at the time of this AU, both in terms of the big worldwide stuff and the roles and relationships between the Gaang, whatever side characters are around, and their political positions? Be warned: highly likely that I will continue to enquire

you have unleashed the most self indulgent lore dump. thank you so much for asking. my long winded rambles under the cut

the setting of this au has two major changes; aang is never discovered (im so sorry my baby boy) and iroh is a much more active player within the fire nation. essentially, iroh begins consolidating the white lotus almost immediately after azulon's murder. as such, the fire siblings become terribly co-dependant in both ursa and iroh's absence as he's constantly away scheming against ozai. zuko doesnt get burned at 14. he gets burned at 19! and azula kills ozai for it, setting off a domino effect that lands an underprepared iroh on the throne trying to end the 100 years war as per his agreement with the white lotus members (before azula jumped the gun)

the azutara marriage occurs for like 2000 reasons but the main one is that iroh is forced to make several concessions in order to end the war as his ministers are terribly pro-ozai, thanks to ozai's scheming before azula prematurely offed him, and that the northern water tribe refuses to sign and end the war with the FN, unlike the other nations. azula, having been the princess-general ravaging the earth kingdoms in a five-year long campaign, therefore didnt get to show her face in the water tribes, gets chosen as the one to marry into the southern water tribe. as both a savvy diplomatic move to solidify the peace and to work with said wife towards peace with their sister tribe. iroh has no choice but to agree, and azula as a loyal princess with duty to the throne, also has to agree. (she is terribly, extremely unhappy with this due to ursa-parallel related reasons. and its azula.)

katara is chosen both for her position as the daughter of the chief, and for her prowess as a master bender (to match azula's known reputation). katara herself has been working as a sort of renegade freedom fighter away from the south pole, mostly working against the admiral-prince zuko and his three year campaign against the water tribes. sokka and herself work with an elite team, the black tail wolf pack (extremely indulgent name please forgive me) as guerilla fighters against the fire nation essentially. katara is EXTREMELY unhappy about the marriage alliance that her father has signed her off to, but like azula, her duty to her people and to peace overrides her extreme dislike of the situation.

zuko is the admiral-prince, heir to the throne, burned and shamed by the late firelord ozai, and... marrying toph bei fong. NOW PLEASE hear me out on this. stay with me. as part of the peace agreed by iroh, and the fire nation's precarious position now that expansion and pillaging cant fund their economy, an agreement is made with the earth kingdoms to marry into the wealthiest family in the world. its purely an economic marriage, but since the bei fongs are essentially the only homogenous earth territory ''royals'' that aren't strictly attatched to one kingdom but all of them, and have a daughter to spare, well. their relationship is the funniest to me, they're very much a platonic-married-besties situation. zuko himself is conducting a dreadfully obvious affair with mai, and his siege-weapon of a wife does not care in the slighest. in fact she actively encourages it, as being wife to the heir to the fire nation throne gives her freedom away from her family to be herself. there will be rising tensions between the bei fongs and the fire royals, naturally, as well as toph's own character clashing with the 'no fun allowed' fire nation.

azutara's relationship is an EXTREME slow burn, enemies to enemy-wives to friends to lovers. they're both 20 at the time they're married, but both have been child soldiers for years. azula spends a week acting like an arrogant prat and treating her wife like a peasant through politicking power plays before katara just kicks her ass three times over and azula realises theres actually no power imbalance to play off of. she promptly begins acting like mr darcy. katara has to grapple with the very alien culture of the fire nation and stumbles through all the subtlties of both court and royal life, as well as having to deal with her enemy turned wife and the absolute paradox of a woman that azula is. AND negotiating with her hostile sister tribe into trying to broker peace after a generation of war. i think marrying azula is harder than the whole 'world peace' affair really. they're both miserable and angry and cant understand each other but still see each other

sokka will be an intermitten character, as he becomes a diplomat for the southern water tribe as well as a member of the three nations peace council set up in the wake of the war. im trying to add in suki but im unsure on how, perhaps as another representative or something. ursa will have a plotline and azula will NOT be happy about it at all. iroh is frankly wracked with guilt that in order for peace he has to make the last of his family utterly miserable. all their relationships are complicated and messy and everyone's a little awful

i think a really fun aspect of this au is my odd ideas about azula and gender. azula is, in the eyes of the fire nation, both male AND female. female as a princess, a woman who's royal duties involve marriage and so on. but her status as a master fire bender legally classifies her as male. honestly the fire nation cannot afford to disregard azula on gender lines, since she's the most powerful fire bender on the planet at this point. she's a general in the military too, a traditionally male held role, and so azula herself becomes a grey area in terms of legal gender. as such, azula is technically kataras HUSBAND, not wife. and with that comes all the expectations of a husband over a wife in a royal imperial court. very very indulgent of me i fear

i hope this lore dump/word vomit makes some sort of sense. please feel free to ask more abt this au!!!! i have many many worldbuilding hcs for the fire nation and this au <3333

[ainri]

hello! I'm the one who asked for one of illumi (yandere) could you make it headcanons?

illumi zoldyck as a yandere (hcs and drabble.)

•hunter x hunter

•yandere illumi headcanons + small drabble

•mostly fem oriented

•assasin/servant reader

•fic warinings: !dark content!, mentions of death multiple times including reader + reader’s family, insinuated character death at end, forced labor, undergarmnet theft, swear words, mild gaslighting, obsessive thoughts.

•🔞

•masterlist

•a/n: this is my first request so ty!!! tbh i rlly like writing yanderes like its just so fun? anyways someone should really do a crime count because i had to put some extra stuff in the fic warning so that people wouldn’t go crazy on me or call me insensitive 🥰sorry for the wait i completely forgot abt tumblr…..🙊if it doesnt make sense its because i rushed it bc i felt bad for how long i kept my anon waiting (sorry anon pookiebear) and its 1:27am 😞😞

continuation of this post!

<🌟🌟🌟>

-how did you end up this position again?

-oh yeah thats right! your parents were also assasins who just happened to have ‘issues’ with the zoldycks.

-they had personal issues with silva due to a deal gone wrong between the two assassin families.

-how did silva handle getting played by your parents? by sending out an order to kill them.

-but silva is a higher class man with much bigger issues. who’s better to do the job than his son illumi?

-of course the original order was to kill you, your father, and your mother.

-when illumi saw you walking back onto your family’s estate something in him just snapped.

-he just couldn’t help it; he had to have you, no matter the cost.

-that was the moment he realized he couldnt just let you die or kill you.

-you were…special?

-that was the first mission he had ever failed… he just couldnt bring himself to kill you.

-after silva finished beating the shit out of him; illumi had an idea.

-illumi spoke of this idea to silva; to make you a personal servant in return for you and your parents’ lives.

-of course silva agreed, once silva privately told you of this ‘agreement’ you had to agree.

-best to not test the zolycks’ willpower and to not test the waters.

-working as illumi’s personal servant was fine, that was before your panties started disappearing randomly from your laundry bin.

-“master illumi, i hate to bother you with this but have you seen my panties?”

-“no. what are you saying servant?”

-he quickly retorted back, almost, no, way too quickly.

-of course, this all started to add up when the male zoldyck house staff started to ignore you + avoid you like the plague.

-apologizing profusely to you over the smallest mistakes or accidents.

-this was all bizzare…. you needed answers, as quickly as possible.

•••

it was a calm day of cleaning when suddenly you walked in on it—illumi torturing your male coworker who helped you clean the atrium yesterday. “master illumi, what are you doing?” the servant asked horrified and confused,

“none of your business servant-“ he stopped himself to reword his sentence, “you know what? no! i was teaching him a lesson for speaking to you. besides you only belong to me!-right? right? say you belong to me! i killed all of those men—no, boys for you and you can’t even say, ‘thank you master illumi.’!?” he was yelling, now losing his temper.

“master illumi i didnt ask for you to kill for me! whats wrong with you? you-you-you psychopath! youre being completely delusional and irrational!—“

CLANG

all you saw was black as you felt your vision go blurry with illumi hitting you in the head with skme heavy blunted off object.

“i don’t appreciate that (name), i don’t appreciate it at all. you ungrateful woman. all i ever wanted to do was love you. clearly you cant even allow me to do that much. what a shame.”

END

••••••••

©2023 ainri; do not repost my work without credit or repost my work in a different language♡

[heretopasstime]

Mx. Perfect -- Again!

Just feeling a bit heated at the moment, and not the angry kinda way. Mx. Perfect,,, mmm… [Btw, i switch pronouns for em because… why not?] Credit: @cafekitsune-- MDNI line break @cherishh04 - GIF Tags: yandere, weirdo, smut..?, overbearing behavior?

".. I'm not so perfect, I swear... not as much as you.."

Just so desperate for validation and approval.. Perfect in all things again and again, on the star track of being valedictorian for his graduating batch.

It's no wonder this type of man needs some relieving pressure, am i right? And wouldn't it be so fun if that euphoric relief he is so chasing after is you?

Just imagine…

Org work is starting to get to him, all this coordinating… organizing and overall just dealing with all these people who cant simply comprehend or grasp what he's telling them to do. And he has to deal with it all, with a simple pretty smile.

He sometimes thinks to himself, why cant life be as simple and pretty as it is to tell a simple white lie.

Till he realizes it can be!

---

It can be when his brain is reduced to mushed, his senses overloaded with the sensitivity coming from his skin is slapping against yours.

This can be thought in two ways, all so perfectly simple just as he wants.

You riding her till dawn, your insides squeezing and squelching so perfectly around her as she lays there bound to the bed. Your hushed words of affirmation and degradation in her ear as you remind her of how amazing it is to feel so consumed by raw fevour and emotion. Her lip is practically bleeding, as she bites on it too hard. She's absolutely already lost herself, falling into the place of no return the faster you raise and drop onto her lap again and again. Her nails are digging so deeply into your sweaty skin leaving marks, its all to much and she cant help but roll her eyes back.

Oh gosh, she cant even to think of anything more perfect then this.. Then you… How dare she even think he could be called Mx. Perfect when a being like you is so kind enough to take pleasure in her..

"Mmh~,, aHh.. ~ Y/N~.." Her angelic voice adding to the lewd sounds filling the room, with absolutely no shame. Poor baby cant even begin to imagine how to control how she feels anymore, when all she can keep her mind on is how perfect everything is… With you..

--

Then there's where he's y'know…

His pretty face muffled and shoved into the covers of the bed as he's bent and fucked over by this absolute diety-like being in his eyes. Drool leaking out from his bruised pinky lips, as he whines so exaggerated it felt almost fake. Tears falling from the corners of his heterochromatic eyes, it's all to much but so little at the same time. His legs are basically buckling beneath him as you continously pound into him, ass up, backside with no mercy. All he can hear from you are grunts, and swears under your breath, and he's hyperfixiating on every part of it. Every breath you take, even as his head is shoved into the crevice of the sheets, he cant help ut feel as if this is his reward for being so good. That you are his heavenly gift bestowed upon hiim, so evident now as you are helping him see the stars and reach heaven.

(He's really that dramatic about just getting railed, like such a fucking weirdo. <3 )

--

Either way, both ways he's never letting you leave. He just wants to be by you like a good dog, but due to how things are he presents more as like a reluctant kitty.

But its all okay, even if you dont have a choice in the matter.

You can use him all you want, take advantage of him however you like!

Just remember, when you both are all fucked out lying on the covers… And his words seems a bit too… serious.. Keep in mind, that's just the bottom of his heart finally speaking out.

"... We're together,,, forever...~ "

[the-s1lly-corner]

How could each Evil Adult do in a dinner date?

dinner date w/ various knd villains

i dont usually take larger group posts buuuuuut i was already planning on writing something like this and this was the kick i needed to get to it LMAOAOAOAO!! happy to see people still requesting knd even if my writing for it has slowed down a bit!

characters: father, knightbrace, cuppa joe, stickybeard, spankulot, toiletnation

notes: reader is gn, established relationship, admin did his best to make everyone unique with their settings- hard given theyre all dinner dates!

cws: none

father

if should come as a surprise to absolutely no one that he would use the fact that he has access to money to spoil you- get ready to be taken to some high end place to eat! if you need an outfit he even offers to buy you something nice

all things considered, he does try to make the night as perfect as possible and hes quick to agitate if something comes up that can derail those plans- example being your typical knd antics or something else entirely

provided nothing happens, the night is... actually pretty nice..

he feels nice being able to spoil you, if he knows you cant afford your half of the bill hes willing to pay it off

wears a bowtie over his shadow suit thing, it.. looks a little funny because it looks like its just been glued on

the type to give flowers before a date to set a tone for the night

knightbrace

obviously hes going to make you brush after you both eat but thats not exactly part of the date, now is it? i mean he can try if he can find a way to make it romantic- side note if you struggle with general self care knightbrace is your man to hype you up

moving on

he does his best not to comment on your food choices- not in a body shaming way of course, hes just extremely uber hyperaware of whats going on with your teeth- hes got a bit of fixation that kind of boarders on obsession but thats another thing for another day

asides from that, hes actually pretty normal! he doesnt do fancy high end restaurant, hes more comfortable in spaces that are more casual...

splits the bill with you- you can have dessert, hes fine with not having any

if theres anything else hes obsessed with that isnt teeth, its time. he always makes sure hes on time to meet with you, likely a trait from his days as a dentist in training- got to be on time for appointments!

spankulot

he offers to let you meet up with him at his home- assuming he has one... i like to think he lives.. somewhere... whether it be a cave somewhere or in some old creepy manor! vampire stuff, you know?

does his best to put everything together so he can impress you

you can see him doing the hand shakey thing if you catch glimpses of him working on things before he sets the table... hes so eager to please you its adorable

fancy, but without the pressure of having to conform to others and their standards- you're in the comfort of a home!

tailors the meal to what you enjoy, he definitely keeps multiple cook books on hand! hes got recipes!

talking a mile a minute about his day as well as how hes happy you were able to make it for your date, and he listens to every word when you speak

very attentive partner who does everything for you, sweet man. blorbo

cuppa joe

you guys dont get to go on dates often due to him being out on his coffee rigs for... long periods of time..

i believe i mentioned in a different post somewhere the he does try to make up for lost time by absolutely spoiling you and smothering you in his love and attention

loaded as well, that coffee money PAYS! he can afford to take you to some fancy schmancy place, but thats not really his style

its a bit predictable, but he takes you to a cafe to get a drink and some treats. its far more casual than father or knightbrace's idea for a date, but you cant deny that the coziness offers you a comfortable atmosphere to catch up

makes sure you get the highest quality coffee, wouldnt be surprised if he was the one supplying the specific cafe you two were sitting in

tells you about all his findings out on the rig and asks you if youve been up to everything, he offers to take you with him the next time he has to go out

stickybeard

i can see him taking you to that candy bar he was at in the black licorice episode! hope youre ready to get some toothaches because there... isnt much options for actual food... actually now that you think about, have you ever seen your boyfriend eat actual food? sure he sometimes goes to the villain bbq, but-

night outs with stickybeard are always full of energy and laugh, he makes sure youre having a good time and hes ready to call it a night if youre getting tired or otherwise ready to put an end to the social event

insists you do most of the talking, he thinks your voice is the sweetest thing ever... pun intended!

does his best to take you out every week or two, definitely takes you out when he successfully carries out an evil plan to rob a child or a candy shop

date nights rarely end with dinner, expect him to have another activity planned afterwards! even if its just sailing around the suburbs in his ship!

toiletnator

he either prepares something at his place or yours- or he takes you out to eat somewhere

who needs to dress up and sit at some posh place when you can just catch a movie and then grab something quick to eat?

sure its not the most.. traditionally romantic... but the simplicity of it feels just as charming as the other characters nights in my opinion!

makes sure youre having fun- he can sometimes get carried away with the things he wants to do that night, but he can pull himself back if he notices you're not having as much fun as he had hoped you would

offers to pay for everything even if he cant afford it- i... doubt he makes a lot of money given that hes not a very successful villain..

[artemis-rian]

Hello, this is a very brief intro post and i will most likely look into some resources to make a better organized one.

this is a Disney-Twisted Wonderland RP account, in which i will be talking as my oc, Artemis Rian. his name is pronounced Art-aye-miss and his surname is pronounced like Ryan.

there are a few rules i ask you to follow, its not much.

-any homophobia, transphobia, sexism, racism, fatphobia, body shaming, bullying, incest, pedophilia, or anti-semantics will NOT be tolerated under any circumstances.

-please dont sexualize my character.

-Please dont be fucking weird (in bad ways)

-Please dont judge anyone for their interests.

~My character is open to shipping with characters of his same age. please DM me about it beforehand.

please be a decent human being. if you break any one of these rules i will lecture you in dms then block you.

Some additional information about Artemis.

~ Artemis is eighteen

~ When Artemis is talking, there will be a tag that says "artemis rian"

~ Artemis is a Junior in the Ignihyde dorm.

~ Artemis is typically soft-spoke, and rather introverted. he has a difficult time initiating interactions with people, but he does infact enjoy talking to people.

~ Artemis is cisgender male and uses He/Him pronouns.

~ Artemis is part fae, part human. his mother was a human, and his father was a fae.

~ Artemis is Omnisexual, with a lean towards masculine people.

~ Artemis is only 168 cm tall, or inbetween 5'6 and 5'7. he is not very tall, he's got rather long legs, but is rather skinny, due to the conditions of his past.

~ Artemis is a bit timid, to say the least. he often is zoned out, and has not a great memory. he often forgets important things such as his own birthday.

~ the picrews were not very great, so here is a brief explanation of his character design/appearance.

Artemis is a young man of average height. he has very dark brown, somewhat curly hair that's a bit fluffy, which is cut to the base of his neck. the tips of his hair are dyed red. he has pointed ears, as most fae, and he has his lobes pierced. he often wears hoodies, and likes ripped, baggy jeans. his eyes are a deep emerald, and are rather thin and a bit downturned.

~ Artemis is rather well at art, and likes drawing messy sketches of scenery, typically with charcoal. he dislikes painting. he also enjoys video games, especially competitive ones, which he is rather good at. some of his favorites are Mario Kart and Splatoon, he also likes survival games such as Minecraft, Raft, and similar.

Please feel free to ask anything you would like about Artemis!

A few additional things about me, the person behind the screen.

I am a transgender male, and use he/him pronouns. most private messages will be ooc unless stated otherwise. I am a bit indesicive on names, so you may call me mod, admin, artemis mod, or the similar.

I work throughout the summer very often. please do not expect me to be chronically online.

I am medically diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD), so i may misinterpret things, or jokes may go over my head. please be patient with me. i also ask you to use tone tags. if you are not certain what those are, please do not be scared to ask.

My DMs are open! please feel free to come talk with me, i dont bite, and i would love to make some friends. socializing is hard for me, as someone who can be considered similar to Idia, when it comes to socialization. i also meant to create this account awhile back, but someone i knew was on here who made me feel like i couldnt speak freely. they are inactive now, i believe, with that, please dont involve me in any drama.

A few of my interests include alternative fashion, though I am in a bit of a financial crunch and cant afford such for myself, i play splatoon, and have played all the way through splatoon 1, before it got shut down, and im nearly done with the splatoon 2 hero mode, but ive finished octo expansion, and ive played through splatoon 3 hero mode, but im yet to finish side order ive been playing splatoon for about five years. i also like painting, especially bob ross follow-alongs, they are calming. i also love surfing and beaches (especially the ones with the pretty, clear water.) i sometimes teach surf and swim classes in summer. and i love twisted wonderland very much, its one of my favorite games. I emjoy horror games aswell, and reading older literature is another hobby of mine.

when i am speaking there will be an OOC// before the text and a tag "ooc"

please note that I use Tumblr on my laptop. I will not always immediately respond

Oh god this was a lot longer than i had intended... apologies. i will upload Artemis' backstory as soon as possible.

[autisticaboutart]

i wish people would give disabled artists more attention.

or disabled ppl who like art, i mean.

dancers with ehler danlos, who get easily dislocated or bruised, chronic fatigue dancers, those whose body hurts even more than your typical abled person, those in wheelchairs, those with full body motor tics, tremors, huntington disease, dystonia or rigidity, dyspraxia, balance & coordination problems. to those dancers that cannot do acro to save their life, who cant do amazing tricks. i promise it's okay for you to move your body however you can, it's fine, people have different limits, you should respect your own. you dance, you dance like you are going to die dancing, who cares if its not fluid, if its not expressive enough if you fall, if you lost your balance, seriously, its fun to dance, it shouldnt be stressful, take care and take time, if you need a break, take it, theres no shame in that.

traditional & digital artists, painters who are amputees and draw with their mouth or feet, those with parkinson, or hand/arms motor tics. blind artists, you draw and paint a masterpiece, yes, even with your trembling hands and messy canvas.

actors and actresses, those who dealt or still deal with agoraphobia, stage fright, panic attacks & social anxiety, the autistics ones with a special interest in theatre or musical teather, yet they cannot, or wont participate because thier voice is too monotone, too robotic, you don't get social cues, or sarcasm, or jokes, or you are way less expressive than your peers. i promise it's okay to feel scared, were human, were scared of judgement and critiques, but, if you like it, do it, dont even think about it, if it will make you happy, then who cares about other people's opinions?

writers. my schizospec & psychotic people who write poems, stories, writings that ''dont make sense'' to other people, i understand you, i do. those who are in art block because of depression, those with mania who write and write too much in their manic/hypomaniac episodes, until they are in burnout, people with dysgraphia, those with hand tics. write, write even if it doesnt make sense to others, art is for yourself, if you understand, and you know what you were trying to say, then, go for it, your words come out so easily, even if they're ''nonsense'' to people, and that's amazing.

to readers too! to those who need more time to read texts, to comprehend them, those who are slow readers. to those with intellectual disabilities who struggle with comprehending certain books or texts, with too much info and concepts they don't really understand, to those who have to read one, two, three times, over and over again the same text, because they keep getting distracted/they cannot understand. to the ones with dyslexia, those who used to read books a lot, and now cannot due to alexia or can't read their favorite books anymore, because they are blind, it's fine, really, take your time, the time you need, take it, it's fine to be slower, it's fine to go at your own pace.

sculptors, who no longer can create, who grieve their talent, their passion, who are messy and clumsy, and can never seem to be satisfied with their own works because of motor issues, tremors, etc. your creations are still beautiful, i promise.

singers! those who have selective mutism, or people who have problems with their vocal cords, those who can no longer sing because they lost their voice, those who stutter, have a lisp, or have vocal tics, people who would love to sing, but they are mute/non-speaking, i know how it is to lose an interest, a passion because your body doesnt not cooperate, i get you, and i see you.

photographers with shaky hands, with blurry images, they cannot take a ''good picture'' because of their struggles with moving your own body, doesn't matter if its blurry, i see what you're trying to capture, and i love it, photographers with photosensitive epilepsy, who have to be careful with images and references.

people who play instruments, who deal with coordination problems and weak fine & gross motor skills, you still play so beautiful.

to anyone, disabled, mentally ill, neurodivergent, who has lost their passion, who cannot do what they used to do, those whose body won't collaborate with you, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i know it's dificult believe me.

but hang in there

i see you, i really do, i hear, see, watch, read you, no matter how different you do these things, you are still creating, you are still making art i promise.

thank you

[sophieinwonderland]

im not endogenic but I cant pass up talking about persecutors :3

it hasnt been as extreme as some others experiencs, its mainly self inflicted.

its kinda interesting to watch them have these rude thoughts and maybe say hurtful things but also doing things to keep us safe. wanting to act out at times but behaving because I can see they care deep down and dont want to ruin everything.

and obviously its not this easy for everyone but I tried to stop kinda fear mongering myself with persecutors or "scary" alters I guess, hopefully this makes sense but for us actively treating them like a threat didn't help much.

we had people do the fear mongering for us before which made things worse. I don't tolerate that now! and I feel a bit nervous when I say it but I personally love my persecutors and I am proud of them for improving and trying their best at times.

not trying to shame anyone, these are just my personal experiences.

I'm sorry people treated you like that and tried to make you afraid of them.

To be honest, I don't believe in persecutors.

I mean, I believe there are alters and headmates who exhibit abusive behavior that one could describe as persecutors. But that's a role you're giving them. Not one the brain made them to fulfill. You know? As far as I'm concerned, headmates are people, and people are complicated.

Sometimes people are trying their best but are just repeating harmful habits they've learned from others, and it takes work to change and grow into better people. Sometimes they don't even realize that their actions are hurting others until they're made to realize.

I guess, more than anything what I want to say is to not get bogged down by labels.

Labels are for defining, not confining.

Never let anyone drive a wedge between you and your headmates due to the labels you choose. Keep loving and supporting your headmates as they continue to grow and do better. And don't let anyone make you feel ashamed for doing standing by them!

Here's a shoutout to all the persecutors out there (and yours in particular) who are trying be better for their system! 💖💖💖

[levshany]

ive always wanted to ask but only did it now, but is it okay to translate your comics (with russian writing)? Or do you not want your art edited for translations? I just think your ideas are brilliant and its a shame non russian speakers cant read it

Of course you can translate my comics! The only problem is that when I write in Russian, it’s most often some kind of local meme (not in every case) that non-russian speakers may not know

I would translate all my works in English if I had the strength and skills to do so. I've been learning English for a few years now but still suck at it (veeeeery much). And my process of translating each sentence looks like this:

I have a friend who helps me edit my translation, but if I went to them  for help every pecking time, they would probably hate me

It frustrates me wildly that I still can't speak English fluently! Due to this fact I’m forced to back up all my ideas with a visual (drawings, sketches, comics, ect).  I can’t describe this character to you, I can only show them in order to convey my idea as correctly as possible! Maybe it's for your own good, ‘cause otherwise I would flood you with my text posts about nothing x)

[barkbarkboy]

ok so. drowning lessons got me really in the feels and i NEEDED to analyze it. gee said this song was really personal to him (and cursed) which is why he doesnt sing it live. i think not hearing it live is gonna kill me now bc!!!!! bro!!!!

CW: bit of graphic violence, suicide mention

without a sound i took her down / and dressed in red and blue i squeezed - he doesnt hesitate. the second this feeling pops up in him, of being girly and feeling good about it, he doesnt hesitate to pounce and kill it out of fear. he's "dressed in red and blue" because he's committing these metaphorical murders quickly, usually from asphyxiation. so the red would be blood and the blue would be her skin turning blue as he squeezes down on her neck.

imaginary wedding gown / that you can't wear in front of me - imaginary because he feels like he can never have it, he cant imagine a world where its okay that he wears a dress, especially to his wedding. he can't wear it in front of his masculine side, or she'll get hurt/killed again. he has to keep this a secret. wear things that make her happy in secret. and especially not in front of anyone else in the world. the fear eats him alive.

a kiss goodbye, your twisted shell / as rice grains and roses fall at your feet - he does like her, he even loves being her, loves the way she makes him feel, but he isnt brave enough to commit. so he kisses her goodbye, leaving her twisted corpse behind. she'll never have her wedding dream.

lets say goodbye the hundreth time / and then tomorrow we'll do it again - these feelings keep popping up though. they never ever go away. they dont stop. he has to work tirelessly to keep her at bay. every single day, he fights to destroy that part of him any way he can due to the shame he feels.

i dragged her down, i put her out / and back there, i left her where no one could see / and lifeless, cold into this well / i stared as this moment was held for me - he drags her away from everyone, hiding her in various places. the back of a closet perhaps, leaving her where no one can see her and know he's any different than an average person. he then decides to metaphorically toss her dead body in this well. yknow what else you toss down a well? coins and wishes. keep that in mind for later. anyway, this is a big moment for him. something is about to happen.

(a bit of verse 3 is largely demo lovers story stuff, so i skipped most of it)

to show you what i've been thinking (...) just to prove that i adore every inch of sanity - he wants some sort of proof that hes not just crazy. he wants some sort of proof that his life will be happy in the future, and that maybe he can let that side of him loose, but he ultimately feels hopeless.

these hands, stained red / from the times that i've killed you and then / we can wash down this engagement ring / with poison and kerosene / we'll laugh as we die / and we'll celebrate the end of things / with cheap champagne - i believe this is directly him feeling the immense guilt of killing her on his conscience, and references a possible suicide attempt, which is heartbreaking. i believe the engagement ring is him feeling hopeless over his love life, or dream of marriage, and thus the dream with the wedding dress.

without, without a sound / without, without a sound, and i wish you away - he uses the wishing well, tossing her dead body in the form of a coin, down into the wishing well. his wish? she never comes back. shes dead forever. even though he loves her and needs her, needs her to feel like himself, he gives into peer pressure and gets rid of her, and he doesnt even hesitate. i believe this is a flashback to when he was young, suggesting he wished or maybe even prayed the gay away, or something like that. he didnt understand yet that just wishing that part of you away is just destructive.

this song is amazing. the fact i can never hear it live KILLS me

[wisdominfumbling]

Taking accountability over actions.

My parents have always told me life is all about making desitions and hopefully making the right ones.. Now my dad specifically tells me that more importantly life is about making the wrong ones and learning from that. Learning from the pain, the suffering, the shame, the loneliness, the anxiety and so much more. At frist I didn´t understand when he would say that

¿Why would my own father want me experiencing those feelings?

Later on in life I have found the answer, cause he loves me and he wants me to be happy and life a full life, be a complete woman and in order for me to be that I have to have awful days and weeks, hopefully not months and years but you never know. Now I thought I knew what heartache felt like, a breakup, love related feelings but the truth is I have never been in love, never felt true relationship like love, out of my mind Romeo and Juliet love. I know guys have I´ve been with have felt that for me but I have never been able to reciprocate. ¿Why? I have a short (but still important) list of reasons:

Im immature, somehow I still believe in the perfect guy. tall, handsome (not pretty), smart, loyal, funny, pro family, respectful, athelic, good in bed, manly. And I blame my dad for that, he has always shown me that I deserve the world and the best and that everyone is replaceable and when someone doesn´t fit into one of those requirements I should leave. now the problem is that it really shouldn´t be like that. Im not telling you to settle for something lower but I am saying that some things can be fixed and you should focus on the core of the person. most important is that they have to be loyal, tall, pro family, have a job and respectful. the rest can be altered, I can style him better, cut his hair different, send him to the gym, show him tricks in bed. not so important things but the core should be top requirements for a boyfriend.

I only know how to obsess with guys, dont know how to love them.

Im scared of commitment, Im terrified of telling them everything and then im this vulnerable person and they´ll maybe do the same to me.

Im insecure, physically. im always gonna be comparing to other women specially the cute, thin, blonde ones. I always find them more feminine, prettier.

If there are more reasons.. i forgot them.

The point is, due to those reasons im not able to be in a relationship only situationships work until they start getting serious and i dip or do something to fuck everything up. And thats exactly what i did, if i can give you good and simple advice.. DO NOT DATE YOUR FRIENDS FRIENDS.. EVER. yes it can go really well but it also can go REALLY bad. and you dont want to go there, im telling you.

I was going out with my boy bestfriend´s friend, all good, he had more interest in me than i had in him, he asked me out we went out a couple times on dates, i stayed over at his house, all good (kinda, im not gonna get into the werid stuff that pulled me away) but even after i posted him on my story and people saw us out and about, i still got some dms of guys i used to talk to (and fuck) wanting to see me and stuff. This specific guy im kinda obsessing with dmed me and we talked. my situationship saw and yeah. so basically im a cheater, i fucked up and its been like a month and a half and i still cant get over it. i have so much guilt evenm tho my friends forgave me ? and told me i had nothing to worry about i still worry. i feel bad. i saw this great guy that cared for me, crying in his bed, asking me again and again why did i do it and i just didnt have a good honest answer to give him cause honestly i would end up causing more damage.

A month and a half and already fucked another person, I have been on a couple dates but i just cant seem to replace him yet. which is funny cause when we were a thing it seemed pretty easy to replace him. im also lazy cause if i wanted to be with the guy im obsessing with i could just take the metro and be there in a hour. maybe i feel guilty about seeing him too. fuck i feel guilty about seeing my friends too. i have only told three friends, my bestie that i called him the same day it happened and he helped me out a little but hes a guy so he didnt get it as much, my other guy friend and he was sweeter and told me to not worry and that everyone fucks up at a certain time but as long as i knew that it was wrong it was okay and that he had done much worse, and my other friend shes a girl so she understood better and was very sweet about it, i think they´re being sweet with me is because im the youngest and they can see the shame and the regret in my face everytime they see me.

I know that i shouldve been more straightforward and direct and just told him that i could not give him a relationship at the moment but i just didnt wanna lose on any side. i wanted to have him while having another other and not having any kind of limitation or whatever. I understand thats not how life works but sometimes i fool myself into believing that the universe loves me so mcuh that i get this "im gonna look the other way" treatment. i hope i can feel better now and start moving on with my life, i cannot be stuck on this for any longer. i know he is not stuck and i also know that we will see each other eventually and i want him to see me normal, even if i was the one that fucked up i dont want him to see me that affected.

[alexithymia3008]

Heyy, as much as I understand your views on obesity, obesity is most of the time not under a person's control. Obesity is a disease. There are many medications which have the effect of obesity on people, and how much ever they workout, it doesn't help shed those kilos a lot. A lot of others are born with obesity due to their genetics. Which again, is extremely difficult to shed. So when you call out a person for being fat, you're also putting down obese people who work hard to shed weight everyday but still don't see results. And a lot of times, it is just better to accept their body as it is than to put themselves through unnecessary hell. (I'm not talking about obesity due to unhealthy habits, which again doesn't deserve shaming imo).

Imagine you're put down for something you're trying to overcome but can't. It doesn't feel very nice....i hope you get what I mean :)

first off, thank you for not being as arrogant as others in my inbox, i genuinely appreciate that. however, i want to mention that a lot of studies do show that yes obesity can be influenced by genes, and i cant disagree with that. however, in the recent years, the rapid increase of obesity isnt because these genes are carried by everyone. the larger the population, the more genetic diversity. you prompted me to conduct some research, and i come to find out that most of the time, only genetic factors affect us from controlling our weight. there are of course certain situations like thyroid which affects weight, i have family members with thyroid, and i have seen them grow increasingly fat. they refuse to work out and take care of themselves but act pissy when we tell them theyre getting fat. they could lessen the suffering of thyroid by working out, however, they refuse to do so because they think it's easier to sit and sulk over it for them. now for my research, read over some of these website:

im not going out everyday and bashing people up for being fat, i have better things to do. however, this is a platform where im not directly calling out names, i'm just calling out people who idolise obesity. Lizzo is one of them. Take a look at this video:

this the stuff i hate. anyway, have a good day. Jai Shree Ram🚩🙏🏽

[dontyouknowemmauk]

i completely agree regarding the deaf topic and how it should have continued,

even with a cochlear implant, ben still cant hear things 100percent but the show acts like he does

the last time they acknowledged his deafness was when he took his implant off at the boxing ring and he couldnt understand what callum was saying. that was months ago and even prior to that, they never brought up him being deaf since 2020 i think. such a shame really as its important.

let ben forget to charge his implant and have him sign language in the morning, not that difficult even for a small scene

I will always be upset about how much of the deaf sl we missed out on due to covid. But at the same time it's ee's responsibility for how it all played out and 'ended'; they should've done better.

I'm not deaf/hoh, nor do I have a close relationship with anyone who is, so for me the deaf sl was done brilliantly from an 'entertainment' perspective (Max was incredible) and from an 'understanding what it's like' perspective (I found the audio changes very effective) but for me it lacked massively on the 'education' aspect. I found out about the mechanics of it all and how cochlear implants work from googling/reading people's experiences on social media. Now whilst ee is unlikely to explain every detail, they definitely should've done more. The way they did it portrayed cochlear implants as a 'cure'.

If we give them the benefit of the doubt and say covid ruined their plans for the main sl and that's why it was a 'quick fix', then there's still the follow up that's lacking massively. As you say, it's not difficult to include as a small scene. And they have done it before (removing his implant for the boxing and there was a scene where Callum turned the lights on and off to let Ben know he was there) but they're certainly not consistent with it; a handful of scenes over 3yrs is not enough. Adding these little moments, and incorporating signing too (which has just been 100% dropped...), illustrates that Ben is still deaf, which is important to show.

I understand that from what we saw Ben wasn't greatly enthused about learning sign and probably didn't try to learn the whole language given he got his implant. But I don't believe Callum would've dropped it completely, he definitely uses it when Ben's removed his implant for a bit. And they totally still sign ily. And I still believe ee missed a trick in that signing could've been extremely valuable when committing crime.

Wow, sorry, this became a novel. TL;DR - I will always commend the bits of the deaf sl we did get, I thought it was really well done. But the educational aspect was missing, and still is to this day. More consistent references to Ben's deafness are not hard to do, if ee are willing to put in a bit of effort.

[spikeinthepunch]

i have no plans to talk about the Emotional side of this, but the many weeks i have spent with a neuropsych trying to pin down the specifics of my cognitive issues has certainly been interesting, and im gonna detail that below. its made me really realize that alongside my issues, that there is so little understanding in society about the extent of "learning disabilities". even everyone here, every person who sits with the ADHD and autism labels and knows its probably part of their learning issues- the fact that there is probably so much more to it than you can even realize. and most people wont ever have the knowledge of depth to see that, or the proof of tests to see that.

i deeply wish getting this kind of testing but its insanely expensive. like, way WAY expensive. and its super important to get a good doctor for this (any Californians, i would gladly name the guy i am seeing!) but its not accessible at all (this series of tests take like, 6+ weeks but more for me bc i am more than just Learning tests. i am on week 10), which is obviously the main problem. hardly anyone i know will be able to get with kind of depth on Why they struggle. i am in a very privileged position to get to do this. its not bad to sit with labels like ADHD, or just know about your diagnosis of Autism (your Autism wont go away with this. you still have it. you'll just see the specifics, the stems to your problems) is what makes you struggle. this isnt a means to shame people or to say you have to do this in order to get better or get help.

but for me and i assume others, i havent been able to get the right accommodations for anything. society will never try to understand anyone cognitive abilities further and they NEED to make this shit more availble. I tried many things but none of them worked for me, but i also dont know WHY they dont work for me. putting aside the emotional struggles i am also doing in these tests (there is Cognitive testing and Emotional testing- which also makes things more pricey), i have been really really wanting to learn. just Things. it is all i want but I cannot, and the future feels impossible due to that. I try so hard to learn but nothing happens. i want to code, i want to 3D model, i was to up my drawing game, etc etc- even if i went for my assumed "easy" choice (simply production in entertainment) i still struggle to keep it in my head. it always feel like laziness, to sit down at try and then it doesnt stick, and that just makes you feel worse. Still i'd go and learn 3D modelling consistently for a week, but quite literally the moment i looked away from the donut tutorial, i couldnt do it. genuinely everything was lost from my brain. id redo it, i would do the donut tutorial again, but then thats all i could do.

learning with coding is no different, but i try to try very hard because i feel like i know it all "in theory", i look at stuff and i kinda can see what it all means. but right now as i try to learn Narrat, i am very actively seeing how the results of these tests are spelling out the problem. i sit down and look at documents but i cannot take in the reading material, but i see images and i get it kind of so i try- i look at someone else's game for some help but i dont totally know it. but i ask for help in the discord a LOT because i cannot process the documents they hand me, i cannot peice together what the documents say in order to solve the error i got, and only kind of get it when i connect an image of the code to what im doing, but there arent many pictures of what i need step by step and i get stuck again.

so many little things-- things that i cant really add up to just being ADHD- at the very least no one knows how to accommodate to my specifics anyways so i never get it solved. the autism may explain some things but it doesnt explain it all. I can't count change even on my fingers, i cant add things up on paper and i forgot how to multiply and divide. i forget things when theyre not in front of me, nothing i read stays in my head, nor does anything i listen to. i may work fast, i may process movement and things presented surprisingly well, but those four things (math, memory, listening comp, reading comp) are key things to learning that are SO awful it explains every reason i have been this way. i take it in quick, but it goes away in the blink of an eye.

i dont have ADHD by the way- it was one of those labels slapped on for years because "well your memory is bad, and so is your attention, and you have a hard time learning". and i dont disagree exactly, if i hadnt done this i would have been going along w my life with that label and it would have been fine- aside from the fact none of the ADHD meds i have taken over the years have never work, of course. or the fact i still wouldnt really know how to learn things because i dont have accommodations that actually help me make progress. i think i would still be sitting around stuck, thinking i am just stupid and there is no way around it.

point is- there is a lot under the surface. there are a collection of things that explain parts of your cognitive function and they all work on their own. and because i know this now, i can get very specific help. i can properly understand why certain accommodations in the past didnt work, what will work, and what i can do to actually try and Learn Shit. going through years of utterly sucking at everything in school is awful, it really knocks you down. Especially when you want to learn, you feel like you are trying so hard.

for more recent years i have sat here just thinking i couldnt do anything. watching family make progress as they age and feeling unable to do that too feels like shit and i hate the idea of never being able to put anything out there. i am in a place where i can live just fine without any job really, but i dont want to do that? i dont want to do nothing- even if it weren't a job, why would i want to sit around doing the one think i know- draw- and never be able to do anything else? id like it as a job but even outside of that i just want to know things like anyone else.

the fact that i feel far more hopeful than ever before is really a nice feeling. for a while it was a kind of motivation that was more like fighting a brick wall to proceed because even though i wanted something to change, i had no idea how it could. this isnt a clear "ok go do A and B and youll learn!". this will still be a long time of build. it will be a process as it would be for anything with learning and i still get overwhelmed by the prospect too, its still terrifying because i still wonder if it will really work out. but goddamn i do not feel like these many weeks of testing have been a waste- i really do understand far more than ever. its kind of sad to see, to have gone for so long without help, but id rather know it now than to never know and to always feel helpless and stupid.

[yesterdayiwrote]

https://www.racefans.net/2023/03/18/hamilton-admits-russell-got-more-out-of-car-as-he-cant-get-confident-in-it/

First Lewis admitting he screwed up set up last quali, now this. I don’t know, just glad george is somehow getting some kind of acknowledgment for his work (finally)?

I think in this situation Lewis couldn’t do anything but acknowledge George just got a better Quali session than he did. I think this weekend George got a tow and last race was Lewis?

It’s frustrating to read the reaction sometimes and it’s a shame when people seem insistent to not give George his dues. Who knows how the race will go, but sometimes I feel Toto is driven to distraction over making sure things are good for Lewis that they drop the ball in other areas eg George. It’s not always him entirely because he answers what he’s asked, but for example Sky interviewed him after quali yesterday and the question was “Why was Lewis four tenths off George?” And his response was “I don’t know, we’ll look what went wrong”… and its kinda like… focus on what went RIGHT? Stop viewing it all through a negative bent, no wonder the team are struggling to get it together, use a bit of positive reinforcement!

Idk I feel like Mercedes are in a weird place (and this is totally my own probably entirely wrong read on the situation) but last season it felt all very High School Musical “We’re all in this together!!!” This season it’s feeling all much more…fractured and tense. It’s all a bit bitey and prickly and like they’re not all singing from the same hymn sheet anymore. I do miss that inner team harmony a bit from last year?