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mechaknight-98 · 13 days

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Trepidation (NSFW) FT Dahyun

Operator’s notes: Ah yes I remember why Dubu was my first biases. It's always weird coming to your first and confronting who you were and what you used to be. As I grow she will always have a soft spot in my heart and can be written about any time.

"Are you not wearing a bra either?" I ask noticing that her breasts look extra perky under the dress. Dahyun smirks, and I respond.

"When you get home tonight I am going to fuck you all over." Dahyun smiles. She turns around and lifts the dress just enough so I can see her pale bare ass, and I really have to fight the urge to just pound her glistening pussy until she screams my name again and again.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." She coos. I smile as I remember how different we are.

"What happened to the good Christian Girl I met at bible camp?" I tease.

"She's still in here, it's just you know things change baby." she asserts, "What about the devoted Christian boy I met at bible camp? When did he become this insatiable writer and musician?" I chuckled and said

"When the world burned."

She smiled as she left for her fashion show. I sat at the chair's desk as I was considering my next move. Do I wait for Dubu to get home and run the risk of being disgustingly horny for her? Or do I enjoy the city and get her something I know she'd appreciate? The latter won out. I left our little temporary abode to explore the city.

"Sorry I couldn't invite you." was the text I got 45 minutes later with a picture. I considered opening it but knew it would be a bad idea. She had always been the excitable type. Easy to laugh with and around. Always pushing boundaries but for the right reasons.

It reminded me of when I met her for the first time all those years ago.

I wasn’t expecting much from the summer camp, to be honest. Just another week of bonfires, awkward icebreakers, and singing along to acoustic guitars under the stars. It did get me out of the last major week of preseason workouts for football so I took it. I had signed up at the last minute and was dragged into it by my youth group friends who seemed way more excited about spending a week in the middle of nowhere than I was.

But I was, sitting on the worn wooden benches, squinting in the early morning sun as campers trickled in. That’s when I saw her—this girl with bright eyes and a smile that seemed too wide for her face. She was laughing, chatting with a group of kids near the front. Something about her stood out like she didn’t fit the usual camp vibe. She was small, but her energy was huge.

I noticed her before I even realized it. She was the kind of person you couldn’t help but notice.

And then, as if it was nothing, she caught me staring.

Before I could look away, she waved. Not the polite, distant kind of wave you give to strangers, but the full-on, excited wave you grant when you see an old friend across a crowded room. Except I had never seen her before in my life.

She started walking toward me. I felt my stomach do this weird flip, like she was a celebrity or something, though she definitely wasn’t. At least, not yet.

“Hey!” she said when she got close, her voice carrying this bright, chirpy tone. “I’m Dahyun. Is this seat taken?”

I blinked, not sure why she was choosing to sit with me when she clearly had a whole squad already. “Uh, no, go ahead.”

She dropped down onto the bench next to me, folding her legs under her in a way that looked way too comfortable for the stiff, splintery wood. She turned to face me fully, her wide smile still there, like she was genuinely excited to talk to a total stranger.

“I’m—uh—" I stammered, completely thrown off by how forward she was. “I’m, uh, Daiju.”

She held out her hand for a shake like this was a formal introduction or something. I took it awkwardly, and she gave it a firm shake, way more confident than I’d ever been.

“So, what brings you here, Daiju? Just trying to survive the week like the rest of us?” She laughed, and it was this carefree, musical sound that made it impossible not to smile back.

“Pretty much. My friends kind of forced me into it. I’m not really… you know, the camp type.”

She tilted her head, studying me for a second, and then shrugged. “Yeah, same. My church sent me. I usually just hang out on the piano during stuff like this, but they said I had to get out more. Make friends.” She wiggled her fingers in the air, as if "making friends" was a strange concept.

“You play piano?”

Her eyes lit up, and for a split second, I saw a different side of her—like she was picturing something far beyond the camp, something she was passionate about. “Yeah, a little. And I sing. You know, just for fun.”

“That’s cool. I, uh, I can’t really do either,” I admitted, feeling a little embarrassed. “I tried guitar once, but I’m pretty hopeless.”

Dahyun laughed again, nudging me with her elbow. “Well, you’ll get plenty of practice this week. Trust me.”

I wasn’t sure what it was about her, but something told me she was right. That week was going to be different. Something about her made everything feel like it mattered more than it did before.

And that was just the first ten minutes. The rest of the week was a blur as I got to know Dahyun more. When I wasn't with my youth group I was with her in the instrument room listening to her play the piano. During one of these sessions, she noticed that I was always tapping a beatline to whatever she would play. She had me go to the drums and handed me two sticks before saying. "Don't speak. Don't think. Feel" Confused I sat next to the drums under her patient gaze. I had grown quite fond of that particular look and felt. I started with a simple beat of drum you stomp then started hitting the big circle drum on the right, then incorporated the other kick one that had the cymbals attached. Dahyun was amazed.

"I knew it. You do have talent," she said as she scurried back to the Piano. She started playing again and I adjusted my beat to match or better align with her melody. as I jammed with her for that moment. I felt at peace and that this was where I was supposed to be and who I was fated to be with. After our little Jam session, I noticed both of our youth groups were watching. They were shocked.

"Daiju you can play the drums?" Josiah asked

I shook my head as I got up, Dahyun called for me and I turned around she had the biggest smile before she ran over to me and said, "Don't let your heart lose itself." I smiled and said

"I won't," I said with weak confidence.

Taken out of my Little trip down memory lane I found myself at our favorite restaurant, before heading back to our home.

When I arrived I set the food down and went to the drum kit next to the piano, and I began to play.

Dahyun came home tired but when she heard me playing the drums her heart soared. It had been quite some time since she last heard me play.

It reminded her of the last year before she entered to be a trainee with JYP.

It had been a few months since the camp ended, and life had gone back to its usual rhythm. School, homework, and hanging out with friends. But something had stuck with me from that week—the memories of late-night talks with Dahyun by the campfire, the way her voice sounded when she hummed along to the guitar, and the fact that, out of all the people there, we stayed in touch.

We hadn’t spoken much in a couple of weeks, so when my phone lit up with a video call from her, I couldn’t help but smile. I tapped to answer, and there she was, her face filling the screen, that same bright grin instantly bringing me back to the camp.

“Daiju!” she greeted, using the nickname she had started calling me for no reason other than it made her laugh. “What’s up?”

“Not much, just the usual grind. You?”

She leaned back in her chair, her face slightly dimming as the light from her screen flickered on her features. “Yeah, same here. Well… sort of.”

I raised an eyebrow, picking up on the hesitation in her voice. “Sort of?”

Dahyun bit her lip like she was trying to decide whether to say something. Then she sighed, leaning in closer to the camera. “Okay, I’ve got something to tell you, but you have to promise not to freak out.”

“Freak out? Now I’m intrigued,” I said, leaning forward as if that would bring me any closer to whatever she was about to say. “What’s going on?”

She laughed nervously, brushing a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “Alright, so… you remember how I told you I sing, right? And play piano?”

“Yeah, of course. You were basically the camp’s unofficial performer.” I grinned, remembering how she’d turned every free moment into an impromptu concert, even if it was just humming some random tune. “Why?”

She paused and then let out a deep breath. “So, this is kinda crazy, but… I got scouted. Like, to be a singer. For real.”

For a moment, I thought I’d misheard her. “Wait, what? Like, scouted as in…?”

“As in, someone from a company heard me sing during this church event back home, and they think I have potential. I’ve had a couple of meetings already.” Her eyes lit up as she spoke, the excitement mixing with nervous energy. “I might actually become a trainee for this K-pop company. It’s still early, but… it’s real, Daiju.”

I stared at her through the screen, trying to wrap my head around what she just said. “You’re serious? Like… K-pop? Like the stuff you hear on the radio?”

She nodded, a huge smile spreading across her face. “Yeah. I know, it’s insane, right? I didn’t believe it at first either, but they’re really interested in me. They want to train me—vocals, dance, the whole package.”

I blinked, trying to imagine her in that world—the girl I met at camp, the one who was always so down-to-earth, suddenly living this intense, high-pressure life as a potential star. “Wow… that’s incredible, Dahyun. I don’t even know what to say.”

“Me neither, honestly,” she said, laughing. “I mean, I’m excited, but it’s kind of scary too. Like, I’ve always loved singing, but this is next level. The whole training thing is intense. It’s not just fun anymore—it’s serious.”

I could see the mixture of excitement and fear in her eyes. I knew she was capable, but the reality of that life was overwhelming, even to think about.

“What do your parents think?” I asked, still trying to process everything.

“They’re supportive, but they’re worried, you know? I mean, it’s a huge commitment. If I go through with this, it’s going to change everything.”

I nodded, understanding the weight of what she was saying. “Yeah, I get that. Do you want to do it?”

She went quiet for a second, her eyes drifting off-screen like she was looking for the answer somewhere in her room. Then she smiled softly, a different kind of smile—one that felt more certain, more grounded. “I think I do. I mean, it’s scary, but it feels like an opportunity I can’t pass up. I’ve always wanted to do something with my music. And now… maybe I can.”

I watched her, feeling a strange mixture of pride and anxiety. It was amazing to see her chasing her dreams, but a part of me worried about what would happen to her—what would happen to us—once she stepped into that world.

“Well, whatever happens, I know you’ll be amazing,” I said, meaning every word. “You’ve got this, Dahyun. I mean, I knew from camp that you were going to do something big. This is just… huge.”

She smiled again, this time more relaxed. “Thanks, Daiju. That means a lot. I’ll keep you updated, but… if this works out, things might get really crazy.”

“I can handle crazy,” I said, grinning. “Just don’t forget about your campfire singing buddies when you’re famous.”

She laughed, the sound filling the call with warmth. “I could never forget you guys. And hey, maybe one day I’ll get you backstage at one of my shows.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

The call carried on after that, but in the back of my mind, I couldn’t stop thinking about how everything was about to change. For her, for me—for both of us. And maybe, just maybe, that was okay.

Dahyun opened the door to our shared home and said, “Looks like that spark never left.”

I looked up, smiling at her. She was still in that sexy dress I loved, her eyes glowing with warmth.

“Well, my lovely lady friend never gave up on me, so I never gave up on her.”

Dahyun gave me her cute, gummy smile and a nostalgic glint flashed in her eyes. “This reminds me of how we met two years ago.”

We laughed, letting the memory of the past wash over us. It felt good, to remember how simple things used to be. But even as we laughed, something inside me tugged at the years in between—the time when things weren’t so easy.

It was right after she signed with JYP, just after the whirlwind of training sessions, vocal lessons, and dance practices took over her life. At first, we tried to keep in touch. Text messages, voice notes, and the occasional video call when she had a moment to breathe. But as the weeks stretched into months, it became harder and harder to keep our connection alive.

One night, I was waiting for her call. We hadn’t spoken in days, and I knew she was busy, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was changing. The time apart was starting to weigh on me. I watched the clock, waiting, the silence filling the space between us.

Finally, my phone buzzed. A message popped up: “Hey, sorry! Can’t call tonight. Long practice. Will try tomorrow. Miss you!”

I stared at the screen, the words feeling hollow. Tomorrow? What happened tonight? What happened to us?

It wasn’t the first time she’d had to cancel, but this time, it felt different. The gap between us was growing wider, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t reach her. It wasn’t her fault—her dream was coming true, and I didn’t want to be the one to hold her back. But a part of me ached every time I thought about how little time we had left together.

And then, as the weeks passed, the calls stopped coming altogether.

I remember the exact moment it happened. It was a few months after Dahyun’s debut. I was sitting alone, scrolling through social media, when I came across a picture of her at some event—glamorous, smiling, surrounded by fans and fellow idols. She looked so happy, so distant from the girl I once knew. It hurt as I had grown immensely fond of her but I guess it was just never meant to work out.

That was when I realized I wasn’t part of her world anymore.

I tried to convince myself that it was for the best. Her life had changed, and I didn’t fit into it anymore. The constant rehearsals, the endless schedules, the strict rules from her company. I knew about the restrictions—no dating, no public relationships, no distractions from the career. She had become something bigger than us, something bigger than me.

But it still hurt. I missed her. And, little by little, I had to let her go.

Years passed, and I moved on—or at least I thought I had. Life in LA had become routine. I had a decent job, good friends, and a steady rhythm to my days. Dahyun had faded into the background of my life, a distant memory I tried not to think about too often. I had put my instruments away and stopped playing altogether, it just hurt too much.

Until that day.

I was walking through the bustling streets of LA, lost in thought when I saw her. She was standing on the sidewalk, her back turned to me. Sunglasses perched on top of her head, her hair a little longer than I remembered. She was dressed casually, blending in with the crowd, but there was something about the way she stood—the confidence, the grace—that made me stop in my tracks.

Without thinking, I called out, “Dahyun?”

She turned slowly, her eyes scanning the crowd before landing on me. For a second, I thought I was dreaming. There she was, right in front of me, looking just like she had all those years ago. The same bright smile, the same spark in her eyes.

“Daiju?” Her voice was soft, and hesitant, like she wasn’t sure if she was really seeing me.

I couldn’t believe it. After all this time, after all the silence between us, here she was. “It’s… it’s been a while.”

She smiled, a little nervously, but there was warmth there too. “Yeah. It really has. Wow, you've gotten so tall.”

I chuckled and said, "Yeah I guess that's true, but I mean look at you? you look gorgeous." Dahyun gave me a gummy smile as she did a little dance for me. I smiled as she did

We stood there, staring at each other for what felt like an eternity, the noise of the city fading into the background. Everything that had happened between us, everything we had lost, hung in the air between us like a ghost.

“I didn’t think I’d ever see you again,” I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper.

She laughed, a soft, bittersweet sound. “Me neither. I… I thought about you. A lot.”

I looked at her, trying to read her expression. “Did you?”

She nodded, taking a step closer. “Yeah. I wanted to reach out, but… you know how it is. The company, the rules. It wasn’t just about me anymore.”

I swallowed, feeling the weight of all the things I had wanted to say over the years. “I get it. You were living your dream. I didn’t want to hold you back.”

She looked down at her feet, her smile fading slightly. “But I missed you, Daiju. More than I can say.”

Her words hit me like a punch to the chest. All the hurt, all the time apart, it didn’t matter anymore. Not when she was standing right in front of me.

“I missed you too,” I said, my voice thick with emotion.

For a moment, neither of us spoke. Then, with a deep breath, she looked up at me, her eyes filled with something I hadn’t seen in years—hope. “So… what now?”

I smiled, feeling the old spark between us flicker back to life. “Well, I guess we could start with dinner. It’s been a long time since we had a proper catch-up.”

She laughed, a sound that was both familiar and new at the same time. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

Later, we found ourselves sitting in a quiet little restaurant, tucked away from the bustle of LA. The place was cozy, dimly lit, the kind of spot where you could have a real conversation without being interrupted.

“So,” I said, setting my drink down. “What’s life been like for you? I mean, apart from the whole ‘global superstar’ thing.”

She smiled, a little shyly, stirring her tea. “It’s been… overwhelming, honestly. Everything happened so fast. One day I was training, and the next, I was performing in front of thousands of people. It’s been amazing, but exhausting too.”

“I can imagine,” I said. “Do you ever get any time for yourself?”

Dahyun shrugged, her expression softening. “Not really. I mean, there are moments, like now, where I can just be me. But most of the time, it’s all about the image, the performance. It’s… a lot of pressure.”

“I’m sure,” I said, leaning forward. “But you’re handling it. I can tell.”

She smiled, her eyes glinting with that old fire. “I’m trying. But you know, sometimes I miss the simpler days. Like when we were at camp, just hanging out and making music for fun.”

I nodded, feeling a pang of nostalgia. “Yeah, those were good times.”

She looked at me for a long moment, her expression thoughtful. “You know, I’ve got a show tomorrow night. It’s in town. You should come.”

“Really?” I asked, surprised.

“Yeah. I’ll get you a backstage pass,” she said, her eyes lighting up. “It’ll be just like old times—except with a few more lights and a bigger audience.”

I chuckled, feeling that familiar warmth spreading through me. “I’d love to. It sounds amazing, but I'll have you know I still don't speak Korean.”

Dahyun smiled, her hand brushing mine across the table. “ That's fine. Then it’s a date.” after dinner we smiled and went our separate ways.

The next day I got a call from Dahyun on where to meet here and when. I arrived a little early as did Dahyun as we pulled up nearly at the same time. She jumps in my car and says,

"So what kind of music do you listen to now?" she asks,

"Mostly metal and rap. However, I did do a crash course on Twice and Kpop as a whole."

Dahyun smiled, "Ooh, and Do you have any favorites?"

"Oh yeah G-idle, Fromis_9, and Le Sserafim," I responded. Dahyun pouted.

"I meant our songs."

"Oh, I am so sorry."

"Okay here is my list of top favorite Twice songs: Perfect World, Hello, Moonlight Sunrise, and Feel Special."

"Oh, you like Perfect World?"

"Are you kidding me? That song is amazing and you all look so gorgeous," I said with a smile as I pulled up the album. "You know the girl with the short hair and the tanned skin she is so beautiful. I might have a crush on her." I tease. Dahyun looks at me devastated, and I laugh before saying, "Don't worry you still have my heart." Dahyun relaxes as she looks at me before we head to the stadium. All is quiet as we sit next to each other, before heading in.

The dimmed lights of the concert hall hummed with quiet intensity as the crowd outside waited for the show to begin. But backstage, it was a completely different world—organized chaos, as staff members hurried back and forth, setting up equipment, testing sound systems, and finalizing last-minute details.

Dahyun, dressed in casual yet chic stage prep clothes, led me through the maze of backstage corridors, her hand occasionally brushing against mine. The air smelled of makeup, hairspray, and that electrifying mix of anticipation that only a concert venue could have.

“So, this is what it’s like behind the scenes, huh?” I asked, glancing around at the bustle.

“Yup,” she said, smiling at me. “Crazy, right? It’s a whole different vibe back here.”

“It’s a lot,” I admitted, taking it all in. “But I guess you’re used to it by now.”

Dahyun shrugged, her expression softening. “Kind of. You never really get used to the adrenaline before a show, though. But it’s fun. It’s like… home in a weird way.”

As we walked, she pointed out the different sections—wardrobe, hair and makeup, and the green room where the members usually chilled before going on stage. She was mid-sentence, explaining how the stage setup worked when we rounded a corner and nearly collided with two familiar faces.

Jihyo and Nayeon stood there, arms crossed, grinning like two kids who had just stumbled on a secret.

“Well, well, well… what do we have here?” Nayeon teased, her eyes sparkling with mischief as she eyed the space between Dahyun and me.

Dahyun stopped in her tracks, her cheeks flushing a light pink. “Oh, hey guys. I, um—this is Daiju,” she said, a little awkwardly.

Jihyo’s eyebrows shot up, her grin widening. “Daiju, huh? As in the Daiju?” She nudged Nayeon, who giggled like she was in on some joke I wasn’t privy to.

“Yeah,” Dahyun muttered, looking mildly embarrassed. “This is him.”

Nayeon took a step forward, extending her hand to me with an exaggerated flourish. “Nice to finally meet you, Daiju. Dahyun’s mentioned you before.”

“She has?” I asked, glancing at Dahyun, whose face was growing redder by the second.

“Only a million times,” Jihyo chimed in, stepping up beside Nayeon. “You’re the guy from the camp, right? The one she wouldn’t stop talking about?”

Dahyun shot her a warning look, but Jihyo just laughed. “What? It’s true! You were all ‘Daiju this, Daiju that’ back when we first started out.”

“I was not!” Dahyun protested though she wasn’t fooling anyone.

“Uh-huh, sure,” Nayeon said, winking at me. “She definitely wasn’t gushing about you during practice breaks. Nope, not at all.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle, watching Dahyun squirm under their playful teasing. “I guess I made an impression.”

“You did,” Dahyun muttered, still embarrassed but with a small smile creeping onto her face.

Jihyo and Nayeon exchanged glances, their grins growing even wider.

“Oh, this is too cute,” Nayeon said, clapping her hands together. “You know what this means, right, Jihyo?”

Jihyo nodded sagely. “Oh, definitely. Dahyun, you’ve got to bring Daiju on tour with us. We’ll need some moral support backstage. And you’ll have someone to stare at you with heart eyes while you’re on stage.”

Dahyun groaned, burying her face in her hands. “You guys are the worst.”

Nayeon laughed, patting Dahyun’s shoulder. “Relax, we’re just messing with you. Besides, we’re happy for you.”

Jihyo nodded, giving Dahyun a warm smile. “Yeah, seriously. It’s good to see you like this, Dahyun.”

Dahyun peeked out from behind her hands, a sheepish grin tugging at her lips. “Thanks, guys.”

Nayeon turned to me, her eyes twinkling again. “You’re coming to the show tonight, right?”

“Yeah, Dahyun invited me,” I said.

“Good,” Nayeon said with a mock-serious nod. “Make sure you scream really loud when we’re on stage. Especially during Dahyun’s solo.”

Jihyo smirked. “Or better yet, hold up a big sign that says, ‘Marry me, Dahyun!’ That’ll definitely get you noticed.”

“Guys!” Dahyun groaned though she was laughing now, her earlier embarrassment melting away.

I just grinned, playing along. “I’ll see what I can do about the sign.”

Nayeon and Jihyo burst out laughing, and even Dahyun couldn’t help but giggle. It felt good, to be here with her, surrounded by her friends. There was something natural about it, like even though years had passed, and our lives had gone in completely different directions, some things hadn’t changed.

“Well, we’ve got to go finish getting ready,” Jihyo said, waving as she and Nayeon started to walk away. “We’ll see you later, Daiju!”

“Good luck!” I called after them.

Once they were out of earshot, Dahyun let out a long breath, shaking her head with a smile. “Sorry about that. They’re… a little much sometimes.”

“They seem fun,” I said, still grinning.

“They are. But I swear, they never let me live anything down.”

“Sounds like they care about you a lot.”

Dahyun smiled softly. “Yeah, they do. They’re like my second family.”

I could hear the fondness in her voice, and it made me realize just how much her life had changed. But standing there, backstage with her, sharing laughs and old memories, it felt like maybe I still had a place in her world.

She looked at me, her eyes twinkling. “Come on, I’ll show you where we do soundcheck. You’ll get to see the real behind-the-scenes magic.”

I followed her deeper into the backstage maze, the air buzzing with excitement. And for the first time in a long time, it felt like everything was falling back into place. As I watched the concert I fell back in love with Dahyun all over again. She was so at ease. So charming on stage I couldn't help but be proud of her, but also felt a deep sadness settle in as the concert wrapped up, because I knew this renewed connection was temporary, and when Dahyun walked off stage and her eyes met mine she felt it too.

She walked over to me and hugged me tight before leaning in close.

"I don't want to lose you again." you both said while you embraced.

Dahyun looked up at you and memories of video calls, and all the time spent together have you overwhelmed emotionally to the point you say

"Dahyun I love you and I always have. Can we figure something out?" Dahyun smiles and then says

"Of course."

The memory collapses now as I bring her in for a kiss. Dahyun's arms wrap around my shoulders as I carry her to the bed. I watch as her dress does little to hide her deadly curves before setting her down on our bed.

"I have been waiting for you all day," I say as I lift up her dress to see her delicious pale body.

"Oh stop teasing me and fuck me, my good Christian boy."

"Ah well, anything for the good Christian girl I saw as we kiss again.

#kpop fanfic #fanfic #male reader #dahyun smut #twice dahyun #kim dahyun #twice smut

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maplewozapi · 1 year

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Hey! I have a question if that's ok with you. I am White British but I am interested in Native American history (I think it's super cool and I love learning about cultures different to my own). However someone I was talking to about it (a bookseller who I bought a book abt native history off) said that i'm committing cultural appropriation by being interested in non-white history. Is it cultural appropriation for a white person to be interested in the history of non-white people, because if it is I will totally stop being interested in it. It's just sad because I find it really interesting, but i totally don't want to perpetrate racism :(

Studying others history is not at all cultural appropriation and not learning can actually perpetuate ignorance and stereotypes believed about a group. And if someone is stopping you from learning history I’d say that’s an underlining way of them trying to get you not educated. I mean there is overstepping when trying to learn our ceremonies and religious practices without permission and I even say it’s odd to do so in another land that doesn’t know those practices.

When reading literature about native history I’d try to stay with books with native authors or help from tribal members and the tribe it’s self whether than one individual member. Many anthropologist would only interview one person and take their beliefs has everyone’s and cause false information. I’d even limit the publishing dates to the later 2000s, so you can find more nuanced literature. (Some of these book below are fiction but show the Native American condition)

I’d think you find a great overview with "indigenous history of the United States", it’s a great introduction to the head space of ethnology of native people has been and recorrecting it.

I would also say to not limit yourself to your idea of "Native Americans" you’ll find most literature follows plains tribes, and instead I’d recommend you research all indigenous peoples spanning north to South America.

Much of the literature you may run into are written from out of context accounts from expeditionists, or missionaries/priests and it’s important not to take everything at face value. I’d just suggest reading accounts from native people before try to describe biased and mistranslated literature.

💖I’d also keep in mind native history is still continuing to today 💖

#books #native books #native american #indigenous #ask

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stormblessed95 · 2 months

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Hello💜

Just doing this quick and fast for anyone who doesn't know me, is new here, or just forgot who I was when I disappeared for a while.

Hi! My name is Storm (obviously not really but it's what everyone calls me here, or variations of it). My pronouns are she/her. I'm bi, married and have kids. I work in the mass communication and education fields, for now. I LOVE to read, write, and listen to music.

I've been ARMY since the beginning of 2020. I found BTS basically by accident. My music and dance loving baby was losing it and my husband said oh wait "there is this group out there who does amazing choreo to their songs" and put on the fire dance practice. And I, too, LOVED it. MOTS7 was my first comeback so it holds a very special place in my heart. And boy did BTS and learning about them save my sanity during the pandemic.

I am Yoongi and Jimin biased. Jungkook is my main bias wrecker, Hobi a very close second. You may call me a yoonminkooker if you want. I am not a shipper, but I do exist and operate this blog in shipper spaces. I do think there is a high chance that Jimin and JK have *something* going on that's more than just friendship. I don't care if I'm wrong though. I do know for a fact that they are the bestest of friends and nothing will ever change that. I also believe that yoonminkook are all very likely queer in some sense of the word. That has nothing to do with their relationship status and is just how I see things.

On this blog, I stress facts and original content first. Anything that isn't straight from original content though is solely my opinion. Nothing more, nothing less. Everyone is always free to agree or disagree with me as they please. I am not here for followers, the numbers don't matter to me. I started this blog for me and because a friend and a few others were encouraging me to share my thoughts over larger topics and I write essays. If you follow me or not is totally your choice, but my content will be whatever it is going to be. That's never going to change. I'm always happy to talk with people though, even through disagreements on opinions. As long as there is respect, I'm always more than happy to agree to disagree.

I love and adore all BTS members. I am OT7 through and that will never change. I love all 7 members, and I love them in every single duo/trio/grouping combination. And I will never tolerate any hate or slander towards any of them on my blog.

And finally, my post masterlist is here, if you haven't seen it yet, please check it out. Thank you!

Hopefully that's a sufficient introduction 😂 felt weird to have to do. I am not this important lol. If you guys have any questions or have anything you want to share, feel free to ask 💜

#messages from storm

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fairuzfan · 11 months

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hi! i just want to clarify first of all that im pro palestine, but a lot of people in my life aren't. ive been looking for ways to convince them but tbh im kind of lost. ive tried showing reports from websites like al jazeera but that's been dismissed out of hand because they're a middle east jounral and thus must be biased (pointing out that stuff like cnn then must be biased too because they're american hasn't worked lol). so, do you know of more "unbiased" resources/journals/etc, or anything that can argue for palestine? sorry if this is badly worded its pretty late. appreciate everything you've done btw 🇵🇸

No worries, I totally understand where you're coming from.

I guess I wanna ask for clarification—do you know what resources they personally are willing to accept? I can provide from Jewish scholars/voices if that'll help.

The issue is, not many USAmerican/European sources are unbiased, and they often spout imperialist propaganda. So if they're looking primarily for those types resources, I'm afraid I cannot really give you too many.

Here's a segment from an Angela Davis interview from Democracy Now that I like: https://www.democracynow.org/2021/12/28/angela_davis_25th_anniversary_taped_segment

Also her book Freedom Is a Constant Struggle: Ferguson, Palestine, and the Foundations of a Movement: https://www.amazon.com/Freedom-Constant-Struggle-Palestine-Foundations/dp/1608465640

Angela Davis is often pretty vocal about the harms of imperialism throughout the world and specifically mentions Palestine in her activism. I suggest looking to her writings also.

Can't say I know too much about DemocracyNow! though.

Some other scholars/orgs are:

Jewish Voice For Peace: https://www.jewishvoiceforpeace.org/

If Not Now: https://www.ifnotnowmovement.org/

Ilan Pappe (he's specifically "Israeli", if that will help at all)

Frank Barat

Noam Chomsky: https://chomsky.info/

Modoweiss: https://mondoweiss.net/ Now I don't totally love Mondoweiss all of the time but if the people in your life are really against learning from non-Palestinian sources they might be ok to introduce them. They do have Palestinian writers and editors tho.

I guess if its more that they're unwilling to trust SWANA news sources, you could show them The Institute for Palestine Studies, which is associated with Columbia University.

This list was a little difficult because I can't say I'd always recommend these sources (except, well, Angela Davis—I really look up to her—and Institute for Palestine Studies), but it could be a good introduction if they're rejecting other places that have more reliable reporting. If they're willing to accept these places/people, then you could move on to more Palestinian led sources.

I don't know if this helps, but you could say that they should listen to the Palestinian's POV because you'd always asked the people directly involved in a situation what their viewpoint is? Might help shift their understanding.

There are more sources that I thought about adding, but I need to look into them a little more. I might add on to this list later.

Let me know if any of this helps at all or even if it didn't, I'm genuinely really interested to see what they have to say.

#palestine #gaza #info post

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astrophyta · 1 year

Text

I...really want to talk about dan feng.

spoilers at the end for imbibitor lunae's companion quest, but mostly the focus will be past content and ichor of two dragons

so, a lot of important stuff has been said already about ichor of two dragons, and to be clear from the get-go I understand that the short is about dan heng, his struggle with his past lives' sins, and specifically the story he has been told about dan feng. in imbibitor lunae's character introduction, he said that he has been thoroughly educated about his past life's sins by the totally-not-biased parties of the ten-lords commission and the preceptors (seems it was just the Ten-Lords Commission):

we've already established that "dan feng," or rather the image of dan feng constructed in dan heng's mind, was a mouthpiece for not only the messages dan heng received from these lessons but also his own fears and doubts about his ability to break free of the past. so, "dan feng" is a symbol to dan heng for something else.

despite this necessary context, I still couldn't help but feel there was a shadow of truth in the short about dan feng's own life being reflected by his mirror image. to explain that further, first we need to talk about dan feng and yubie.

dan feng was yubie's reincarnation, which was established during the todd riordan quest in patch 1.2:

Trailblazer: (Todd wants to see the high elder statue. I'll look for it in this area...) (After taking a photo of the high elder statue) Trailblazer: (This is an artifact left by Dan Heng... Errr, no, by Dan Heng's previous incarnation... Errr, actually, by his previous incarnation's previous incarnation... Seems I've made a remarkable friend indeed.)

yubie is mostly remembered for sealing scalegorge waterscape and suppressing the roots of the ambrosial arbor, which he did in part to return a favor to the xianzhou for giving the vidyadhara a new home.

we are already well aware that dan heng has been treated like dan feng's shadow his whole life, so it shouldn't be difficult to imagine being dan feng and growing up with a giant like yubie looming over your life as well. we heard a few mirages from dan feng's childhood on the way to scalegorge waterscape who call him things like "the chosen one" when he is still preparing to be the high elder of the luofu.

meanwhile, his previous incarnation has a whole statue dedicated to him and his life-defining decision, which was extremely important to the xianzhou natives and their relationship with the vidyadhara. I don't think it's venturing too far into the realm of speculation to say there was already an expectation to measure up when dan feng was still very young.

in truth, the vidyadhara were not all in agreement about yubie's decision. not everyone thought that the xianzhou deserved the sacrifice of their sacred lands:

Old Voice: Use Scalegorge Waterscape to seal the Arbor? Treason! Blasphemy! Old Voice: You've lost your senses! You think this will gain the trust of the Xianzhou natives? Those who are not of our kind can never be of our mind! Voice of High Elder: I understand your misgivings, but my decision is made. That is the course we must take. Old Voice: I... very well. In that case, I will report you to the Preceptors and have you stripped of the name and power of the high elder.

and another echo mirage from the trailblaze mission:

Young Lady's Voice: Young master, must we really forsake Scalegorge Waterscape? Voice of High Elder: ...Can you forgive me, Yueyan? Young Lady's Voice: I cannot say, young master. I feel resentment in my heart, but there are also... feelings I cannot put into words. Young Lady's Voice: The senior Vidyadhara say that the Xianzhou offered us this place — that we hail from another world. Is it time to repay them?

so basically, there's no winning when you're high elder, even when you get a statue made of you for your deeds. measure up to this person and the expectations that come with the role, but also you never will, because your predecessor never truly could either.

again, we know that ichor of two dragons is about dan heng, but humor me for a minute in recognizing how dan heng echoes dan feng's own rebelliousness and stubborn attitude, the high elder that the preceptors were "unable to control." much of what "dan feng" says to him could have also been said to dan feng, the same traditional messages echoing throughout time from one high elder incarnation to the next.

"dan feng" tries to drown and silence the hope and rebellious spirit that dan heng embodies, and it makes me wonder if this same internal struggle was something dan feng ever dealt with, if he had ever tried to drown his own desire for freedom but was unable to do so, surprising even himself. that's more of a stretch in interpretation and just personal speculation, but it makes this scene hit that much harder for me:

so much of dan feng's life was constrained by the notion of futility, every choice nothing more than an illusion. even in the sedition, his desire to find a way out of endless rebirth for the vidyadhara and endless wars against the abundance seems to have backfired stupendously in ways he never intended it to. even so, his life reminds me of what kafka says to the trailblazer at the very beginning of the game: when you have a chance to make a choice, make one you know you won't regret.

if choice is an illusion, make a choice you know you won't regret...is it a paradox, or is there a greater truth within it?

also, one thing about the imbibitor lunae companion quest that I really loved was how every mirage that immediately recognized dan heng's power as dan feng's came at the expense of recognizing bailu's and her claim to the high elder title. it's a metaphor for the side of dan feng that was acceptable to the vidyadhara and the side of him that was not acceptable - the image that they desire of their high elder vs. the whole truth of them. dan heng says as much: bailu has the portion of dan feng's power she is meant to have, his gentleness manifested as abundance, the desire to heal the world and ease its suffering.

and there is something poetic about dan feng's power echoing both destruction and abundance, the same paths as phantylia, but being channeled so differently in both him and his reincarnation and successor.

the pain and loneliness of being a symbol before you are an individual is something that dan heng and dan feng can relate to in one another. in choosing to end that cycle and forge a new path for the vidyadhara and himself, even though it didn't go exactly to his plan, it's clear that dan feng wanted a brighter future for all on the luofu and he risked everything to realize it. with more time and additional perspectives, I hope dan heng can afford dan feng the same treatment he demands for himself - to be treated like a complex being with their own goals and motivations, and not as the echo of an immovable figure rooted in the "idea" of a person rather than reality.

#honkai star rail #hsr #hsr meta #hsr lore #hsr spoilers #dan heng #dan feng #imbibitor lunae #long post

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ossifer · 10 months

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The fact that there are still tlt fans who fully believe there’s a reality in which Gideon and harrow are totally gonna do a secret handshake soooo good that they’ll become all-powerful magical girls with no consequences or sacrifice, and “perfect lyctorhood” is a cool superpower you can have if you’re good enough at magic and love each other in a Morally Pure Fashion. Boggles the mind.

anon we are psychically attuned, i truly believe we could achieve perfect lyctorhood <3

there's a tendency in the fandom for people to completely defang gideon and harrow as if their relationship isn't both deeply unhealthy and one that has also been shaped heavily by the context of the empire; these two have spent their whole lives fighting and very much obsessed with each other. they are a necromancer and a cavalier—who imperfectly fit the mould, i should add—and are thus biased the same way as everyone else who is from the nine houses. they should not be idealised as some perfect, morally superior love: they were raised in a society where harrow is an heir and gideon an indentured servant, a position that allowed harrow to poison gideon and leave her shitting blood for a month without consequence (to clarify i don't think this is some sort of indication she's irredeemable, i personally find this extremely funny and i want them to ruin each other)

harrow is on her way to unlearning a lot but gideon—sorry, kiriona—got pretty effectively groomed into the archetypal cavalier mindset to the point she's literally offering herself up to be killed just to open the tomb in NtN. she's so self-sacrificing that it's to the detriment of harrow and herself. i don't know how anyone thinks these two are somehow gonna have this revelation about the perfect lyctorhood and achieve it, or indeed how they believe perfect lyctorhood exists when the concept is fundamentally flawed, considering how its descended from john and alecto's example.

our introduction to the magic system is the fact it's built on consequences and sacrifice, in the form of requiring thanergy. necromancy takes. even paul's 'true lyctorhood' is described as mutual death.

the idea that these two will achieve some sort of true love superpower within a system that runs on death, when both still have a ways to go when it comes to valuing their own lives, and that said superpower is going to be descended from what john did to alecto is genuinely infuriating. this isn't something you solve with internal reform, it takes abolishment.

#the locked tomb #asks #ily anon hope you read this <3

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leidensygdom · 9 months

Text

Year in review on Tumblr, Pure Art edition

Since this year has had a few very popular text posts from Sygdom, here is a list of Top 10 artworks based on notes (only works tagged as “sygdomthings” have been included in this for now).

Disclaimer, all little comments about this great art is not from the artist, but the person who made a Excel Sheet with all the artworks from this year.

Number 1, Argyros and their great fashion sense

With 15 Comments, 1084 Reblogs and 2238 Likes Argy made it on the top of this year’s notecount with 3337 notes overall.

Link to the original post

It’s obvious how popular Argy got very quickly, so it is no surprise that

Number 2, Argyros introduction

Argy took the second place too, and that with just their introduction! 2833 notes overall from 11 Comments, 966 Reblogs and 1856 Likes!

Link to the original post

Onto the next one

Number 3, Gavle Goat

Actually the second most reblogged piece with 1018 Reblogs! Additional 5 Comments, 1633 Likes give it the third place with 2656 Notes!

Link to the original post

Number 4, Star Genasi

I am trying to be mostly neutral in this list but an absolutely gorgeous design deserves this much attention for sure.

5 Comments, 661 Reblogs and 1401 Likes for a total of 2067 Notes!

Link to the original post

Let’s get to another cool character.

Number 5, Vyxander

Who would have thought the first tiefling(mix) took us 4 places to see? Vyxander’s design mixes the one of his parents very nicely, and just this piece alone got 4 Comments, 455 Reblogs and 1292 Likes getting us to 1751 Notes.

Link to the original post

Number 6, Star Genasi Swashbuckler

Another Star Genasi piece, with 5 Comments, 506 Reblogs and 1216 Likes, 1727 Notes, showing off some very detailed clothes and weapon!

Link to the original post

Number 7, Relent my beloved

I am 100% biased here, the pose, the design, the clothes, my goodness is Relent cool, okay, back to pretending to be half-way unbiased. 15 Comments, 352 Reblogs and 972 Likes for 1339 Notes. (so cool)

Number 8, Watcher

Sadly the only Watcher on this list, a very chilling piece with 4 Comments, 322 Reblogs and 627 Likes (953 Notes).

Link to the original post

Number 9, Off Fanart

Just slightly below is our only piece of fanart on this list, a piece for the ophazines (not tagging them in this, pls look in the OG post for this). 2 Comments, 286 Reblogs and 951 Likes!

Link to the original post

Number 10, Aasimar, Half-Drow Cleric

The last piece is again a very stunning display of skill with 1 Comment, 293 Reblogs and 648 Likes, overall 942 Notes.

Link to the origina post

Overall statistics: 122 art pieces with 57,011 Notes can be found just this year in Sygdom’s art tag, an impressive amount of work and diversity throughout. The obvious winner in amount of Notes is Argyros, 8,634 Notes just on their art alone!

#SHOTOUT TO NOTNOBODY FOR PUTTING THIS TOGETHER OHMYGOD #THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I gave up on having the compilation done this year abd OHMYGOD.... THANK.....#Argy taking the spotlight despite having been here for like 2 months

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daegu-based-terrorist · 2 months

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hi! i was about to say i'm from russia but then remembered my username lol. anyway i saw someone reblogged one of your posts of photos from dprk and you have the best username ever! i love dprk and never believed the propaganda bc i know it's all the same shit that was said about ussr (minus the racism bc westerners think everyone in russia is white). plus seeing dprk is like very warm and nostalgic to me bc it makes me think of ussr (i was born at the very end of its existence alas, like less than a month before the end). anyway sorry long introduction! i am wondering, esp since you've lived in both dprk and rok, what is the attitude of rok people about the country being divided? do they believe in the same type of western propaganda? do many/most have family there? i have wanted to ask some friends (from south korea) about it but i don't want it to be taken wrong. also i hope to visit korea next year! do you think it is good for tourists to visit?

sorry this was so long, hope it is not weird.

No not to long or too weird don’t worry. Sorry I took so long answering this I was working and I have no paid breaks (kill all small businesses owners istg)

Thank you!!! I actually love your user name I came across it in reblogs I think a couple of days ago and was like “damn I wish my username was that cool.” I’ve actually been fighting with myself as to whether or not my user name is too clunky and should be gotten rid off so nice to have an outside opinion.

Also weird but I had the same situation but opposite. When I was like 7 and 8 and in my first years of South Korean schooling we would do trips to museums and those museum trips ALWAYS had a communism = bad section and they talked about the dprk and the Soviet Union back to back and since they were lying about what happens in the dprk I assumed they were also lying about what happened in the Soviet Union (unfortunately also past tense, I’m a 2004 child) and whenever we did class debates about the history of Europe and got to Eastern Europe I was always the annoying person on the other side of the classroom defending the USSR with my LIFE.

Anyway on to the meat of your message: the majority of people want the dprk and the rok to be united under the rok, a minority (lets go communists!) want the rok and dprk to be united under a reformed dprk or a entirely new communist Korea. There are some stragglers also believe in an entirely new Korea but capitalist… God knows why. And then there is like roughly 20-30% of the population who are heavily against reunification and either want a deescalation of this weird Cold War thing we have going on or just don’t particularly care for politics but are super pessimist about the situation.

Yes unfortunately most believe in the same western propaganda and I’d argue it’s worse here. North Korean voices are actively silenced if they don’t agree with the established narrative (funfact the reason people are so familiar with “defectors” is because they are the ones that are the most pushed by South Korean and western media, the majority of us left not for political but totally mundane reasons like poverty. My family left because the North Korean health system sucks ass and I’m genetically predisposed to the illness that killed my father <3) the Korean Wikipedia is so biased you wouldn’t even believe it, like if you thought English Wikipedia was biased talking about North Korea just wait until you see Korean Wikipedia. People will generally believe all sorts of bullshit and talking positively about North Korea at all is either punished legally or socially pretty severely. Today I had the reruns of the mixed table tennis on the TV at the store I worked at and was harassed into turning it off because people didn’t want to watch North Korean athletes… exist? Idk

There is a lot of discrimination against North Korean refugees and our children in the south. I think it was polled that like 50% of us have experienced some sort of discrimination but I think it’s higher. A lot of other North Koreans I speak to are, like me, planning on moving to China or going to the west. A lot of us plan to go to China because with Chinese citizenship you can regularly and easily visit North Korea. I think it’s getting worse as the years go on, North Koreans are becoming even more “other” to South Koreans and they don’t even really see us as one ethnic people anymore. I have pretty brown skin, even for your average North Korean and alot of my childhood bullying involved people asking me if I hadn’t taken a bath since I crawled across the mud border (alot of South Koreans have this weird view of the border as trench warfare for some reason) and other things that tied my features to my skin colour. Like big lips weren’t popular in Korea when I was growing up but in the north people do usually have bigger lips and people would ask stupid questions like if the puffiness of my lips came from eating rat poison 💀 but that’s all mostly (physically) harmless childhood bullying, but employment and housing discrimination towards North Koreans is a big problem here. It’s very hard to leave the house that is assigned to you by the South Korean government because nobody wants to house North Koreans and nobody wants to employ us either. My mum has a very strong Hamgyŏng accent and people would be excited to interview and probably hire her until they heard her accent and realised where she was from.

Older people definitely still have family across the border, personally all of my family are in North Korea or China but alot of people fled in either direction north or south during the end months of the Korean War or due to occupation by either military force. So folks that were young during the Korean War tend to have cousins across the border but there has been two, three generations since the end of the war and a apathy has developed among people my age. I knew a girl who’s grandma had left her brothers behind in the city I was from, Hamhung, but she personally believed that North Korea should be bombed to oblivion and taken by force.

And on a much lighter note: yes! South Korea (I’m assuming you mean South) is amazing to visit. People are friendly and the food is good and there is times of attractions for tourists. No matter where you go you’ll have a good time. Of course I personally recommend Daegu, it’s a really good city if you want to escape the tourist overcrowding of Souel and see how us everyday Koreans live without getting lost in the rural Chungcheongbuk-do or something. https://tour.daegu.go.kr/eng/index.do

Also if you get the chance, VISIT THE NATIONAL PARKS!! You will have the absolute best time and it’s such a nice escape from how overcrowded and overstimulating urban South Korea is. Seoraksan National Park is always full of tourists but still worth it. Biseulsan Provincial Park is my personal haunt because I live somewhat nearby and it has amazing views. There is also Palgongsan mountain and the Palgongsan Olleh-gil trail which is a really great place to go hiking.

Anyway you should definitely visit South Korea

#north korea #dprk #South Korea #korea #Korean #🇰🇷#🇰🇵#communist #socialist #racism #xenophobia

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fraternum-momentum · 1 year

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Please share more abt the sheep priest if you can pretty please with a sundae?? I feel like im going to like him. A totally normal amount :))

He's still super early in development so here's a bunch of notes LOLOL but i'll do a proper introduction when i figure out everything (i was thinking maybe Nigel can do the infodumping this time? maybe he's wary of them but doesn't really have evidence so he can't really do anything, plus i can showcase more of his personality and i can tell the story in a biased point of view much like the one i did with my sona. So it's like you never really know what's going on)

The altar boy was my first draft for the priest thing but he didn't look priest-y enough? and i said he looks wayy too young to be a leader so i made him an altar boy instead (btw big thanks to the folks who came by during the secret strim the other day !! They helped out with the brainstorming :DDD)(the cheezit thing is kind of an inside joke during the stream so i apologize if it seems like its out of nowhere LMAODAOAO)

So yeah that's all for now ! I still need to do some research for them :] but I'm looking forward to designing these guys.

#i was thinking i should make an eldritch god they can worship or an old one but idk yet #blood sacrifices are a common occurence but i didnt tell you that :]#i also have a bartender in the works and he's the owner of a saloon called 'The Barnyard' and its also a slang for something slutty so LMAD #like 'barnyard humor' it means that it's not appropriate/indecent #franswers #oh shit i missed an e #oh well #frayocs #froodles #gabriel

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xcerizex · 7 months

Text

Lovebrush Chronicles: Godheim Review

_________________________________________

My very long, informal, and definitely biased review. This will contain minor spoilers for the Godheim arc only so take caution. This review is also only limited to the Godheim series so there will be no overall thoughts on the game itself. I followed Otome Kitten's format and I really hope it helps out any beginners to LBC.

____________________________________

ART:

I found the art very pretty and was extremely glad to see that they did not skip out on giving us CGs either! The sprites all looked good, but I personally have some issues with Lars' outfit (the orange did not look good on you sweetie 💀).

Not all CGs are drawn by the same artist however, which may be off putting for some. The total count number of proper CG's for each route (not including common route) boils down to around 4-5, so that also may be a pet peeve for some.

On another note, there are also mini CG's which appear as small boxes, whether you consider it as an actual CG is up to you. Personally, I enjoyed the roles they played towards aiding the narrative.

Unrelated note, I'm banging on the floor crying and wondering who the hell did Ayn's CGs (the one where he was cleaning his sword was my absolute favorite 😍) and why didn't they come back.

MUSIC:

If there's one aspect of the game that I shall praise to the ends of the earth, it's the music.

Colour me shocked when I listened to the intricate and deep soundtracks for the first time, they just took my breath away! There were many gorgeous orchestral scores that depicted the fantasy setting perfectly. Not to mention the battle ost's which had more effort put into them than necessary.

My personal favorite OST's would be the "River's End", and "Starry Sky", which plays the same tune as the OP song you hear when you log onto the game. It's honestly so iconic. 😭👌

Opening theme:

youtube

VOICE ACTING:

I was absolutely flummoxed by the stacked japanese voice cast, which all included extremely famous seiyuus from the otome industry:

1. Ayn Alwyn

[JP VA: KENN]: Shelby Snail (Cupid Parasite), Yukimaro (9R.I.P), Limbo (Bustfellows)

2. Alkaid McGrath

[JP VA: Tachibana Shinnosuke]: Seiya (9R.I.P), Henri (Piofiore), Rafayel (Love and Deepspace)

3. Lars Rorschach

[JP VA: Junichi Suwabe]: Artem (Tears of Themis), Van Helsing (Code: Realize), Sukuna (Jujutsu Kaisen)

4. Clarence Clayden

[JP VA: Kosuke Toriumi]: Rei Mukuni (CollarXMalice), Ichiya (Variable Barricade), Chojiro (Nightshade)

5. Cael Anselm

[JP VA: Daisuke Hirakawa]: Saint Germain (Code: Realize), Tower Overlord (Psychedelica of the Ashen Hawk), Lucas Proust (Virche Evermore)

COMMON ROUTE:

To my delight, the pacing was done very well. Nothing was dragged out and the introduction to the overall plot of the game was well established minus a certain plot point which definitely could have benefited better by being introduced in the common route itself.

I didn't really expect it to turn out as dark as it did however. The common route + modern prologue took me around a total estimation of more than 4 hours but in reality the prologue itself shouldn't take that long at all.

ROUTE ORDER:

Once you've completed the common route, you are given the option to start either Ayn's or Alkaid's route. After you've completed both, Lars' route is unlocked. And once you've finished all three routes, Clarence's route unlocks as the grand finale.

This was my personal playthrough and I wouldn't have changed it if given the chance. I believe it had the best flow of story progression. Though that was mainly because I wouldn't have enjoyed Alkaid's route as much if I'd played Ayn's first:

Alkaid = Ayn = Lars = Clarence

____________________________________

AYN ALWYN:

- Crown Prince of Godheim

- Tsundere

- Sweet tooth ❤️

Ayn is Lars's cousin, but you soon find out that there is not a hint of familial love between them. He shows up as a mysterious figure during the common route and portrays a conflicting character, making the heroine unsure of his standing. While he appears blunt and crude, he is a determined young man who's sworn vengeance, and with an unexpected love for sweets.

Ayn's route in my opinion had the best consistent pacing as well as romance. I did find the romance somewhat abrupt early in the story, but the strong chemistry between him and the heroine more than made up for it! 🥰 It was just so enjoyable to watch them banter with one another and watching them just click.

I enjoyed the storyline for this route a lot and I think it had something to do with the fact that Ayn's route provided a different perspective in comparison to the others. In this route, we learn more about the the political situation surrounding Godheim and the royal family.

I also loved Ayn as a character, and not unexpectedly became my oshi ❤️.I do think a lot of people will enjoy him as a love interest. His route also has a wee bit of spice 👀, so for y'all thirsty gamers be sure to savor it slowly, as it's the only bit of spice we're getting here lmao. I did find some of his actions, mostly in the bad ends, to be OOC, but I easily brushed it off seeing as how much I liked him.

ALKAID MCGRATH:

- Member of the Noventrate

- Good, sweet boi

- Tea

Devoted and caring, Alkaid is the mage assigned to guard the heroine during her stay in Godheim. He's always expressing his concern for the heroine and will do anything to help her, even if it means betraying his mission.

Alkaid is the character who the heroine interacts the most during the common route. His romance with the heroine was sweet, even if it did feel way over the top in it's initial stages when I first played it. But once I got to learn more about him, I realized that he truly just wanted the best for the heroine, romantic feelings aside. 🥺

The route was fine. But I personally wasn't the biggest fan of the direction (?) it took on halfway. Some parts of it felt irrational to me and didn't really feel like it had any real relevance to its own story.

On another note, Alkaid is such a dreamy man. 😩 I adore just how respectful of a man he is in general (women respect juice, bottoms up!), and it was so sweet how attentive he was in making sure the heroine was always out of harm's way. I guess you could say he was someone akin to a hero in fairytales.

LARS RORSCHACH:

- Emperor of Godheim

- Good at combing hair 🥰

- That chest doe 👀

Known as the "Tyrant Emperor" from the heroine's manga, he immediately sweeps her off her feet, claiming her as his bride the moment she first arrived at Godheim. While his initial impression was flirty and playful, he lives up to his name as a cold-blooded tyrant. For some aspects at least.

His route focused more on the Silver Knight, which was the main (and wrong) reason why I enjoyed his route so much! 😆 On that note, I think that the writers had a bone to pick with Lars. They just had to force him to share the spotlight with an intriguing side character lmfao. The route itself was paced and executed well for the majority, but the quality of the writing towards the end was slightly skewered.

But to be honest, I quite enjoyed Lars a lot as a character, rather than a love interest. It was interesting to see the conditions surrounding his birth as a tyrant and his motivations for his questionable actions.

That's not to say that the romance wasn't enjoyable. I actually quite liked the relationship between him and the heroine. I found some moments they shared together really sweet. I also adored the development of Lars' feelings, and you can see just how important the heroine's existence was to him at the end of the route.

Though I guess I would have found the romance more believable if the heroine articulated her feelings for Lars more. I found it difficult to see the romance from her side. In short, the romance wasn't it's strongest point.

Clarence Clayden:

- Godheim's Archmage

- Get the tissues

- I've never been the same since...

Clarence has somewhat poised himself as an antagonist, only giving leeway in Lars' route. Distant and cold, he is stubborn in wanting to use the heroine for his goal and is willing to sacrifice anything to achieve it.

This route was an emotional rollercoaster. It broke me down, dumped my heart 6ft underground, trampled on its grave, and then some. It left me broken for a whole week for real goodness gracious...😭

This route can probably considered the "True Route", seeing as how it tackles the problem straight on unlike in other routes. The pacing slows down a little bit for a few chapters, but once it picked itself back up, it picked up HARD.

Now let's get to the romance. Out of all routes, some may say it had the least sugary romance, and a part of me agrees. But do igaf? No! ❤️Clarence turned out to be such a longingly sweet character and despite all the harm and pain he's done, I have no qualms in forgiving him and wanting to love him with all my heart🥺, as does the heroine.

I honestly don't want to say too much as it may ruin the experience. I went into this route completely blind and boy was I glad. All I can say that this route was the most popular out of all the routes for good reason. Got me playing up to 2 am with no regrets.😆😭

CAEL ANSELM:

- The Silver Knight

- The bias wrecker

- The sus

- He ruined me...

He is known in Godheim as the Silver Knight as well as the leader of the Rebellion. Decisive and apathetic, the heroine is unable to affect him emotionally in any form.🤡

Cael does not have an actual route, but a personal story, labeled as Expedition from his POV which may serve as an epilogue to the Godheim series. In his story, any unanswered questions are explained here, as well as the many actions he took that did not make it on screen.

If this wasn't a review I'd spend one whole section brainrotting about him so be grateful I'm trying to keep this short. 😅 Cael is a surprisingly interesting character by nature and it was very liberating to finally get a glimpse of his true feelings and thoughts throughout the heroine's journey in Godheim.

I'm scared to say more in case it may ruin any surprises. In my opinion, I enjoyed his story a LOT! It definitely made me feel depressed and empty in its own way and it hurts my heart to see that he never got a route of his own for reasons I won't get into right now. Absolutely amazing and one of my favorite parts of the Godheim series!

_________________________________________

TRUE EPILOGUE:

Once you've finished all routes, the game will give you the option to choose one "True Ending", wherein you choose one of the boys to have a happily ever after with and by your own accord.

"One can only paint a world in which they believe in." 🥰

Please note that you can only choose one boy at a time. Your choice will then give you a Pictura based on which boy you choose.

To change your "True Ending", buy the Diadem from the shop to change your choice. You will not receive a different Pictura however.

I think the best thing about these endings were the music.😆 Each soundtrack was unique to each character and drop dead gorgeous to listen to. 😩

HEROINE (LITTLE PAINTER):

- Cheeky

- Anonymous manga author

- Needs a therapist (rly tho)

Despite China's strange attempts at creating self-insert heroines by leaving them nameless, the Little Painter was far from a blank slate! She's extremely relatable when it comes to her reactions and actions. Often times I would react a certain way to something an LI said or did, only for her to do the same thing! 🤣 I guess that could also count as a self-insert personality.

But if there's one thing I admire her greatly for, it would be her drive and determination to save Godheim. Her journey was far from easy and I doubt I could ever stay sane the way she did. Tbh, I didn't like the fact that her sufferings were never truly addressed properly, or rather, professionally ig?

I also found her quick adaptation and flexibility to her new environment extremely impressive. That goes the same to the way she wielded her powers for the first time. And how she grew stronger to go head to toe with even Clarence in his own route! You👏 Go👏Get👏 Em👏 Girl!

That said, she's not perfect. Some people found her to pushy and annoying though I personally found it okay. I was really glad how she didn't force herself to tolerate any crap and got that anger out rightfully.😆 (Asmoran deserved it...)

_________________________________________

Final Thoughts:

I have enjoyed my journey immensely! The whole premise and setting drew me in, and I was surprised with the impressive narration which absolutely pummeled me to the ground (mostly on Clarence's route and no I'm not shutting up abt that).

The localization was also really superb? Yes it had a few typos + mistakes here and there, but they really pulled out all the stops when it came to making the dialogue natural and relatable. Not to mention a few large words that even I don't understand. 😂

It's not without it's imperfections of course. There are definitely some issues with the writing. And if you're looking for heavy romance or even fluff, Godheim is not the place to go to. 😅

Playing the Godheim arc took me about a week-ish, considering I had to level up and such. It may be a tedious process for some, but for me, it was an iron gate which I violently shook every day, screaming for the next chapter.

All in all, it's definitely worth playing! You don't lose much anyway considering it's free, so just give it a try. You can always drop it if you don't like it. My rating for this game is also very much biased and should not be taken seriously:

8/10

#lovebrush chronicles #for all time #THIS TOOK ME SO LONG #also asmoran face censorship just because #for all time~☆

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danvolodar · 2 months

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Failing to understand the appeal of Astarion

Seriously, I just don't get it. Alright, I'll admit I am rather biased againt characters that put a knife to my Tav's throat in a DM-railroaded introduction scene, and [spoilers below this line]

I am even more biased about vampires who try to drink her blood without consent for no reason at all other than to try if they can, lie about the reasons, kill her if she fails the rolls, and then behave as if nothing happened.

But even then. I've seen Astarion compared to Shadowheart or Lae'zel, who can also resort to lethal violence if Tav doesn't settle their differences with a Persuasion roll. And yet still: firstly, they have much more compelling reasons for their actions than "I wanted to see if I could", and secondly and most importantly, both girls do a whole lot of growing up throughout the campaign, while he apparently doesn't.

Now, again I'll admit these two were in my primary party while Astarion was mostly a bench-warmer, but. They have to leave behind everything they'd been taught before encountering the PC party and make their own moral judgements. When confronted with evidence, they are both willing to change, and the driving force behind that change is largely unwillingness to see what had been inflicted on them to be inflicted on the others. This theme is especially prominent if Lae'zel becomes a parent, and says her son is free to choose whom to become, rather than being forced into being a warrior like she was.

In contrast, Astarion complains a lot about his condition, the torture he suffered at the hands of Cazador, and these are all perfectly valid things to bemoan. But thing is, he's also perfectly willing to sacrifice the rest of Cazador's progeny and ascend. He does not change, unless Tav interferes! And even when he's guided away from that mass murder, he still voices striking quips like "There was no way out. […] So don't you ever judge me for doing what Cazador ordered".

But thing is (and I may be biased here again, coming from an Orthodox Christian culture that places a lot of emphasis on internal moral self-judgement), it's not Tav who should be judging him but himself. With seven first-generation spawn Cazador had, and seven thousand spawn in total, each of them dragged hundreds to share the torment they themselves experieced. Okay, the gods refused him aid, the authorities refused him, whatever knightly and religious orders there were in Baldur's Gate failed him - but he always had a way out: just walking out into the sun. After luring in his first dozen victims to be turned into spawn - or even eaten, as he believed, - one has to start wondering if maintaining his own life is worth sacrificing ever more lives of others.

And I'm not saying that Astarion is somehow evil or a moral failure or what have you just because he did not, in fact, walk out into the sun and end himself. People are weak, and they can't be judged for being weak. But what I feel betrays absolute moral bankrupcy is the refusal to reflect on the atrocities he chose to commit to save his own hide, and the attempt to claim immunity just because that choice was forced on him.

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #astarion #lae'zel #shadowheart

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feline17ff · 8 months

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Free Black History, Palestine, Socialism (and other) books on Haymarket

So, HaymarketBooks is a cool online bookstore that, while it does sell physical and digital books, it also offers a lot of free ebooks on subjects it thinks the public should be aware of.

Two categories I know of are Black History, after some racist law in the US that banned Black History resources

And Palestine, what with government media giving a super biased view of unfortunately

It’s in moments like these that we must turn to independent media and resource providers to educate ourselves on topics the government or other people don’t want us to learn about.

Now, here are all of Haymarket’s books they are offering for free, since their website doesn’t have a filter or sort by price option.

Here they are, 17 in total, as per 2nd Feb 2024 :)

Boycott, Divestment, Sanctions by Omar Barghouti, 320 pages

1989, The Number by Kevin Coval and Nate Marshall, 23 pages

Inauguration by Idris Goodwin and Nico Wilkinson, 23 pages

The Anti-Inauguration by Anand Gopal, Owen Jones, et al., 40 pages

Commando by E'mon Lauren,

Human Highlight by Kevin Coval and Idris Goodwin

1919 by Eve L. Ewing

The New Authoritarians by David Renton

Socialist Strategy and Electoral Politics

The Brother You Choose by Susie Day

Can't Pay, Won't Pay by Debt Collective

Black Lives Matter at School by Jesse Hagopian and Denisha Jones

Palestine: A Socialist Introduction Edited by Sumaya Awad and Brian Bean

Light in Gaza Edited by Jehad Abusalim, Jennifer Bing, et al., 280 pages

A Life of Activism by Howard Zinn, 81 pages

Our History Has Always Been Contraband Edited by Colin Kaepernick, Robin D. G. Kelley, et al.

From the River to the Sea Edited by Sai Englert, Michal Schatz, et al.

While their website is limited when it comes to pricing options, it's not limited with free books, so you don't need to enter a single financial detail to download these books :)

Note: I haven't read any of these books yet so the tags are just based on their book descriptions

Other places for more free books:

Liberation Library

On the colonization and ethnic cleansing of Palestine

Sudan guide, not an ebook, but #keep eyes on sudan #free sudan

Happy reading! :)

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sovonight · 8 months

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since it's come up a couple times, i thought i'd just make a post about it! here we go:

i keep seeing you talk about this xan guy, but who is he?

xan is a potential companion in baldur's gate, the first game in the baldur's gate series. in the vanilla game, he has basic voice lines that play in reaction to commands, other companions, and the locations you're in. in fact, all of his voice lines can be viewed in the "quotes" section on the wiki; that's the extent of the content he has.

wait, i thought he was a full-fledged companion with friendship and romance paths? also, isn't he in baldur's gate 2?

he is, but only with the use of mods!

BG1NPC adds xan's banter, commentary, and romance path to bg1 (alongside a lot of other things, take a look at the readme!)

Xan's friendship path adds xan's friendship path to bg1

Xan BG2 NPC adds xan to bg2, as well as 2 romance paths, a friendship path, and a new soundset

Alternate Xan Soundset for BG2 restores xan's bg1 soundset to him in bg2, because nothing beats the original

if you want to romance him, make sure to play as an elf, unless you're ready for a bit of heartbreak ;( non-elves can romance him for a bit in bg1, but at one point you'll be forced to break it off.

i'm interested in playing the series, but where should i start?

i've broken it down here!

do you have any other mod recs?

i still play with the original (non-ee) games, so a lot of my mods are just widescreen fixes & bug fixes that are already covered in the ee games. but one list i have on hand is glittergear's bg2 mod recs!

why don't you like xan in bg2?

spoilers ahead, but:

i don't agree with his characterization and the execution of his romance paths as a whole

his bonded bg2 romance is worse than his bg1 romance, and intimacy with him almost always involves sex now, when it didn't before

he's been made ridiculously old

he's out of character, and many of his reactions are just odd

i don't agree with his death, and here's more paragraphs why

bonded xan is too ready to serve goddess!charname, when based on past behavior i'd think he would have a firm stance against it

his player-initiated dialogue options are poorly thought out

he was altered to have proficiency in darts instead of slings. darts fucking suck, why would you do this to him

his behavior would hurt radri, a lot

the list goes on

why are you still drawing/writing about him in bg2, then?

i love xan and radri together, i can't just write him out of bg2

😔 i can fix him 😔

but you think xan in bg1 is perfect, right?

not totally, i've always felt like his romance was biased in favor of one personality type

he is SO ace-coded to me, but his author clearly had a different vision for him

there's more, but they're all minor nitpicks compared to my complaints about him in bg2

you've complained a lot about him, so what do you even like about xan??

he's just so ridiculous, in the best ways

he can be snippy and dramatic, but also so kind

i love his romance in bg1

i enjoy his habit of carrying charname for romantic gestures, even though radri is like 200 lbs with light armor, and he's, what, 130 lbs sopping wet? i know, he was probably written with an elven waif of a charname in mind, but it's almost sweeter to think of him going out of his way to make it happen

you keep mentioning radri, but who is she?

my gorion's ward, my bhaalspawn, my charname, my beloved protagonist

she's like the kicked puppy to xan's pathetic kitten

here's an introduction, but honestly, it's easier just to read about them

why do you like the series, but not baldur's gate 3?

baldur's gate 3 has next to nothing to do with the series and should've been named something else

i was disappointed by it when i did play it

there's a sexual overtone over the entirety of the game

i'm tired of romances that put sex first

it's impossible for me to relax and enjoy the game

again, it's a really horny game

i'm just way too ace for it

bg3 overtakes all search results when trying to search for information on bg1 (which, being titled baldur's gate, doesn't get the benefit of a number to set it apart from the other games). sure, filters exist, but that doesn't change the fact that an era of easy information retrieval is over

what do you think about the references to xan in baldur's gate 3?

i want to die

i would rather kill xan myself than let bg3 touch him

it's a small mercy that he wasn't cursed with an actual cameo

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stardusthuntress · 2 years

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What Does Real Love Look Like?

Tech x female!reader

(Now featuring a Part 2!)

Word Count: ~3.6K

Edit: I messed up, this totally calls the reader "woman" several times, I changed the description so it's clear it's a female reader! Sorry!

Summary: Reader likes Tech and struggles when they discover inadvertently that Tech and Phee are together. Ends happy though, I promise! Tech always pulls out his best for those he cares about, especially if they mean the world to him. Depicts an angsty but healthy budding relationship (between Tech and reader). Angsty fluff, sfw (will probably get a NSFW part 2 soon!)

TW: jealousy (reader jealous of Phee); no smut; reader learning to handle emotions in a healthy way with a supportive partner; reader is really struggling, emotionally, so very angsty, ends happy tho! Reader is noted to have had prior bad experiences with relationships - details not mentioned, just the feelings that come after a willing relationship that you realize after the face was, in fact NOT so great. Read the author's note for more info, please! I wrote this from my POV, and I totally did refer to the reader as a woman several times, sorry! I also mentioned the existence of a prior male lover for the reader!

Heavily inspired by @originalcollectionartistry’s 2-part fic Guess I Waited Too Long (1 and 2) which I highly recommend, because they had a good idea to process emotions about the Tech-Phee thing by writing them out! So, thanks for the inspo, friend!

Author's Note: I’ve been struggling since Tech and Phee became a canonical thing. I have always felt drawn to Tech, so it hurt to see another man that I liked stolen away by a woman that I felt did not deserve him (her introduction, the way she sat there throwing insults at each of the men and Omega - it is NEVER okay for an adult to insult a kid, in my book - and focusing on a trait that Tech rightly pointed out was not uniquely his, really bothered me). Don’t get me wrong, so far the writers have done a good job at depicting a healthy relationship budding between Tech and Phee, but I still don’t think they would be compatible. I might be biased though. I also realize it is not healthy to look at the situation from an “I liked him and I wanted him” POV. And Phee is turning out to be a much better person than she lets on at first. She just has to get used to someone and warm up to them to let them see her good side. I realize my dislike of her is probably somewhat unfounded. I tend to have very strong emotional responses to things - I need to be tested for a few types of neurodivergency, I am learning that frequent, strong, emotional responses are not a normal response to things. So, I wrote a thing to help me process it! It’s very self-centered. I have had some bad relationships in the past and I thought perhaps the best way to process them without forcing my next real-world partner to deal with them is to deal with them in a fic like this. FYI, this fic is also full of jealousy. Again, reader has strong emotional responses. I wish I didn’t get jealous, but I do, so I need to learn when and where it is okay to let that emotion out and when I need to turn it into something else. Also wanted to write something where Tech’s POV is written out in the way I imagine he thinks, similar to how I think. I have never been good at understanding emotions, I tend to stay quiet and just watch so people don’t scoff at my emotional responses to things, and I like to think that is similar to how he would process it. It’s from both reader and Tech’s POV, just for funsies! This is my first fic on here. I’ve been meaning to pack up the courage and just post something for a while now, and this one needed to be shared, my way of admitting my problems to more than just myself, so thank you if you bother to read this! It also hasn't really been edited well. I wrote and posted it all in one night, and now it's super late and I should get some sleep, but I needed to post it so I stopped bottling up my emotions. So without further ado, the story begins below!

You were in Cid’s parlor when the message came in. She shuffled out of her office already in a bad mood, complaining about how it had been more than 20 rotations since she had heard anything from her operatives and now she finds out they ditched her for Phee, finishing it with a frustrated “and you could even hear Goggles in the background calling her ‘darling’! It’s repulsive! And frustrating, the way they are taking to a life so different than the soldier-ing they were made for! They were my top team!”

You sat there in shock. Tech… calling Phee ‘darling’? Your heart which had been so heavy with worry about him and his brothers now lay on a million pieces right there in the middle of Cid’s cantina. The world around you was drowned out by the loudness of your own mind. Until a bottle was slammed down on the counter in front of you.

“What’s your problem?” It was Cid. “I just asked if you wanted to become my top specialist, and you still look like you’re at a funeral.”

You ignored her and stared into the empty glass in front of you, mind still reeling, barely able to process the words coming out of her mouth.

“I warned you kid. He didn’t like you like you thought he did, now did he?”

“Guess not” you muttered more to your glass than anyone else.

“So what’ll it be, another glass to celebrate being a free woman again? But if you’re going to mope, don’t do it here. I don’t need someone to bring down my customers. So either order another drink or go home, kid”

Without another word you got up, tossing a few credits on the counter, and left.

Back home, you cried yourself to sleep, promising yourself a vacation in the morning. You had enough credits for some time off, and you were going to use them.

After a few weeks of searching (they had once again changed their comms), you finally located the batch on Pabu, and went to ask Hunter if he could tell Tech goodbye for you. He begrudgingly agreed, but then (probably rightfully) double crossed you, and sent Tech onto your ship to talk to you. Hunter was right, it wasn’t fair of you to ask him to play middle man, you needed to face your problems head on.

Tech found you in your ship’s small living quarters that functioned like a one-room home for you, and you both stood in shock and silence, staring at each other for a few moments before Tech addressed the bantha in the room.

“Hunter says that you wanted to say goodbye?”

“Yes.” Your answer was short and curt. Tech recognized it as anger, though it was not an emotion he was used to hearing from you, especially not directed at him. You were holding back from him.

“Why have you become so distant from me? We are friends, are we not?” Tech asked.

“We were.” You answered.

“Why has that changed? Have I done something to insult you? If I have, please trust that that was not my intention.”

“I know.”

Tech raised his eyebrows and held still, waiting for you to continue. You still hadn’t really answered his question, and he knew you were aware of that. But he was also aware that you seemed to be struggling to find the words. So he remained quiet, giving you time to answer.

“Tech… why are you doing this? Phee is out there. Why aren’t you out there too?”

“I… am no longer with her.”

You just stared at him in an apprehensive silence, now it was your turn to wait for him to continue. It wasn’t like Tech to be anything but long winded. His short answer stunned you.

He looked at the floor. He could no longer make eye contact with you. Words failed him.

“You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, Tech. But can I ask you a question?”

“Yes.” He still couldn’t raise his eyes to meet yours, though he did turn towards you. His eyes still trained on the floor, but stealing glances at your hands, which were nervously fidgeting.

“What do you mean, you’re ‘no longer with her’? I just want to be clear on it. As previous experience has taught me I’m not as good at reading you as I thought I was.” You looked away.

Tech’s eye’s shot up to you in shock. “I do not recall an instance when you could not read me.” It was almost whispered.

You shook your head, still refusing to look at him. You couldn’t tell him your feelings for him, not now.

“So Wrecker and Hunter were not toying with my emotions when they told me that you like me?”

You turned your head towards your shoulder, still looking down, and gave a curt nod. Some part of you screamed that Tech had practically admitted he liked you, but your insides were too torn apart to process it properly right now. So instead you looked away again. Focusing instead back on the floor in front of you.

“Phee has good moments, but her endless determination to warp the truth in her favor and downplay the important contributions of others, including that of Omega, is not something I find acceptable. So I left.”

You finally looked at him. Stepping forward, you reached out a hand to touch him, but quickly pulled it back. It still didn’t feel right for things to go back to the way they had been with him.

“Please don’t pull back” he was watching your hands. “I want things to go back to the way they were before. I don’t want to lose you. I did not realize that much was at stake or I would have acted differently.”

“I’m not sure things can go back, Tech.”

Tech would not take no for an answer. He accepted you might be right, that things could not go back to the way they were, but that did not mean they could not improve. He racked his brain for an alternative answer.

Touch. You, Hunter, and Phee all had one thing in common: when people were upset you would reassure them with physical contact. Actually it went beyond simple reassurance, touch was quite a common occurrence with you. So he decided to try it now. He reached out and put a hand on your shoulder, albeit a little awkwardly. But your reaction was not one he was expecting.

You gasped and flinched away.

He retracted his hand. Watching in shock as you again turned away, this time out of his reach. You gripped your sides tightly. Your sides heaved. You were trying not to cry.

“Did Phee teach you that?” You asked, and the pain in your eyes made him unable to look away.

“I noticed that you, Hunter, and Phee all…” he stopped. When you heard her name your hand moved from your waist to cover your mouth and nose. You did not want him to witness your crying. But you could not hide your breathing patterns.

A hug. He knew that would help. And he needed to finally feel you close to him. So he began to shed his armor and stack it neatly to the side.

You heard him stacking it and thought he had gone back to work. Simply to ignore you like every guy you had ever been with had done in the past. You turned to leave, but we’re stopped by a pair of arms appearing slowly on either side of you, hovering a few inches away from you.

“May I touch you?” His voice was so small and timid, it was all you could do to keep your emotions inside. “Please?”

You nodded. His strong arms wrapped tightly around you. And his nose found refuge in the crook of your neck.

This was new, but as comforting as it was, a part of you hated that this had to start with her name attached to it. You didn’t want to hate her, she seemed nice when she let people in. But you weren’t sure you could ever really forgive her. Even if Tech hadn’t been yours, and the decision was up to both her and him, but not you. There was no holding back the tears now. Your head hung, your shoulders slumped, and the tears flowed. Tech, hung on tight. He didn’t know what else to do. Eventually your tears subsided, leaving behind shaky breaths in its place.

His nose left your neck, as he tucked his chin into it instead. “Mesh’la” he whispered.

You scoffed, “don’t you start with that. People only ever use that to get something they want from someone, it never actually means you think I’m pretty. I’ll calm down in a few minutes. You can leave if it bothers you so much.”

There was silence, but he refused to let go. He was struggling to process it all too. He only ever said things if he meant them, and you knew that. He knew you knew that. But he also knew how blinding emotions could get. It happened to him on occasion too.

“I don’t need your pity, Tech. Pity, or sympathy, or whatever you choose to call it, it’s the same thing. I never helps people grow, it only ever puts people beneath you. Do NOT call me that out of pity. Only ever say that if you really mean it. To me or anyone else. It is not a comfort word. Okay?”

“You know I would never say something unless I mean it.” His words were only ever gentle and kind. He rarely ever even raised his voice when he was mad. Another thing you adored about the man.

You bit your lip. Angry at yourself for your outburst.

“I’m sorry,” you muttered. “Truly.”

“I accept your apology. Though I am slightly concerned about your previous partners if your statement is a reflection of your past experiences?” You were quiet. “But that is a discussion for another time, if you are okay with that. For now, back to the matter at hand, why can we not pick up where we left off? I wish to be more than just friends with you this time too.”

“Again, we can’t, it’s not the same anymore. I don’t have much to contribute to a relationship.”

“Yet, you had prior experience with relationships, I did not. Now I do. I do not see how that is a bad thing. Is it not a good thing that we are on more even footing now?”

“Not all experience is good experience, Tech.”

Tech’s heart broke. He had no idea that your prior experiences were not to your liking. His blood boiled at the idea that your last partner had not been aware of what he had. But he did his best to contain the anger, you clearly needed his comfort, not his anger right now.

“I wanted to share the gaining of experience together. With you and only you Tech. Now that’s not an option. Now every time I look at you, I see only what she… what you experienced with her.”

“You are jealous.” It was a statement, not a question. But there was no judgment in his tone. Merely an attempt to understand why you were upset.

“I thought that, with you, I could maybe find a way to make my past experiences something I didn’t hate anymore. I wanted a chance to share the little that I do know with you, because then I would have something to share with you. But now it’s safe to say you definitely know more than I do. I really struggle to learn while dealing with such strong emotions. And my experience is a less than adequate match for what you have no doubt learned from her. I thought perhaps we could gain more experience together. It would have made me feel better if you were learning beside me. Now you have experience… and I… I am left behind… again. I felt like my last relationship left me with less of an understanding about what makes a guy tick than I started with. I know it is unfair to have ever held you to that, though. I’m sorry.”

Tech still wasn’t good at feelings. He knew that. But he needed to make sure you knew that he was still the same man you fell in love with. And he hated watching the tears run down your face. “I will never leave you behind.”

“And that’s the problem, Tech. I wanted to learn together. I don’t want a partner to have to teach me everything. I’ve been the partner that has to teach the other person, not sexually, but otherwise, and it’s really draining. I can’t ask you to do that for me.”

“We can still do this without it becoming ‘draining’, as you say. Every person has different necessities in a relationship. There is nothing wrong with having needs, everyone has needs and limits. We can still learn each other side by side. This relationship does not have to be like your last, we can actively choose to make it different.”

You were quiet. You couldn’t protest that.

Tech's signature half smile graced his lips. You were his equal in mind, and that was one of the many reasons he loved you. But there were still moments where he could outsmart you, because that’s life.

“I’m still me. I’m still new to this too. I still want to learn with you. If you’ll have me?” He asked, one hand sliding around the arms curled at your waist, until it found your hand. Fingers slowly and gently threading themselves between yours.

You smiled and nodded.

“Would it be easier for you if I did not use the knowledge I learned while with… Phee?” He wasn’t sure if he should even mention her name. The last thing he wanted was to upset you more.

“No!”

Tech flinched at your abruptness, but looked at you with curiosity.

“Don’t make yourself into something you’re not for me. I love that you’ve learned more about relationships, it just hurts that it wasn’t with me like I had hoped. I just need your patience….. a lot of patience, while I process that… among other things. I know that’s a lot to ask—”

“—No.” It was his turn to be abrupt and firm. “And I am more than discontent that your prior relationships left you feeling so inadequate. I just want you to feel comfortable being yourself around me. I’m still not very good at emotions either. Again, there is nothing wrong with having needs, so long as those needs are communicated. Everyone has boundaries and experiences they’d rather not repeat. Can we agree that communicating to the best of our ability is paramount, no matter how difficult it may be?” He pulled back and stepped in front of you, putting both hands on your shoulders as he spoke.

“That sounds like a good idea to me. I can’t guarantee that I will always be able to put words to what I am feeling, nor will I entirely understand it myself. And it may take me a long time to get used to the idea that you were with someone while I still loved you.”

“We are both only human.” He stated. “You know I will also be in the same boat in terms of emotional processing, but you needed to hear me say it, didn’t you?” He stepped towards the chair and sat down.

You nodded. “Like you said, clear communication from the start, yeah?”

“Yes.” He replied. He opened his arms to you, offering a hug.

You gave a watery smile, and stepped towards him, pressing your nose into the collar of his shirt. His arms wrapped around you, pulling you to the bed and then into his lap. Holding you tight in an attempt to comfort you and show you how much you meant to him. He couldn’t bear to see you in pain.

“Can I ask you a question? You have no obligation to answer if you do not wish to do so, nor do you need to respond today if you do choose to answer it.” He asked, mirroring your question from the beginning of the conversation.

You sniffled “yes.”

“Would I be correct in assuming your last relationship left you feeling inadequate sexually, and/or beyond the bedroom?”

You held your breath and gripped him tighter, curling into his chest even more than you already had. Trying to make yourself smaller. You didn’t know how to answer, or even if you could find your voice if you wanted to try to reply. It was all you could do to focus on breathing steadily, though each breath had gotten decidedly shaky. But he didn’t need you to say anything. Your body language was communication enough in that moment, as was your behavior leading up to this moment. The answer to both questions was yes. He gripped you tighter in return.

“I am so sorry that happened to you. I will not bring it up again, unless you wish to talk about it. Though I must say I am rather angry at your last partner for leaving you like this. I want you to know it is not your fault, and I will do everything I can to support you through this. I cannot solve it for you, but I do not think you need me to do so, you are a very strong, brilliant woman already. I merely wish to be by your side to see you succeed.”

“And here I promised myself I would not start a relationship in tears. I have a tendency to let my emotions get in the way, I’m sorry.”

“There is no need to apologize. I merely wanted to gauge how I should proceed. Do not worry, I will not treat you like a delicate ornament, I am well aware you are strong and capable. Everyone has moments where they need to take some time to themselves and let emotions out. I am glad you feel comfortable around me again, enough to let me see your emotional side. I love this side of you just as much as I love the rest of you, because it is as much a part of you as all the other pieces. Please do not let my presence stop you from letting it out if that is what you need to do right now.”

Your grip on his shirt loosened slightly. “Thank you” you mumbled into his chest, sniffling again.

“Now, we’ve both done a lot of emotional sharing tonight. What do you say we get some rest and take this as slow as we need to?”

You nodded.

“Please let me take care of you tonight, Mesh’la. I wish to show you my love through my actions as well as my words.”

“Okay.” The gleam was returning to your eye, and it made him happy to see you regaining some of that spark that he loved so dearly.

He placed you down on the bed and began gathering all the pillows and blankets he could find and bringing them to the bed.

“I realize you didn’t want to start a relationship like this. However, I have heard that it is beneficial to be best friends before a relationship begins?” He posed it as a question rather than a statement. It was his way of asking whether this train of thought was one you were willing to pursue with him.

“I’ve heard that too.” Permission granted.

He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding as he handed you a pillow to hug.

“Will you let me comfort you like a best friend would? And then perhaps we can get a second chance at starting a relationship in a more positive manner in the morning?” He returned with one last pillow and sat down beside you. You turned to him and opened your arms, asking for a hug. He obliged with a happy smirk.

“Thank you, Tech. That means a lot to me.” Your grip on him tightened, and he came to realize this was not a scared grip, but a grateful one.

“Will you stay with me, tonight?” You whispered into his shoulder.

“In the same bed, by your side?” He inquired, gently. Clear communication. Your heart soared. So that’s what understanding looked like. So many times before you had been promised clear communication only for you to come out the other side realizing that partner didn't really know what that really meant, or to feel like they had been making fun of your need to communicate everything instead of asking politely as Tech had just demonstrated.

Tech could feel you smile into his shoulder.

“Yes.”

“I shall.”

He lifts the covers and gets you both tucked you in, noting your insecurity and struggle with letting him care for you. You're not used to being treated like this. He doesn’t like that. You have always done so many small, caring things for him. He feels like this is the least he can do for you. One last tear trickled down your cheek, and he kissed it away. Perhaps that was not what a best friend would do, but he loved you more than that anyways and you knew that now. Besides, it made you smile, that was what mattered.

Things would be different this time. Things would be better this time. Tech was not like your previous lovers. He was observant and communicative, and you loved that part of him dearly. There was still lots to talk about, but it didn't all need to be processed in one sitting.

Please don't steal my work! I pour my heart into these so if you like it please reblog to share instead of reposting it!

#tech x reader #tbb tech x reader #tbb tech x you #tbb tech #bad batch #the bad batch #bad batch tech x reader #tbb tech x reader comfort #bad batch tech reader comfort #tbb tech x reader hurt comfort #zenith writes

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pillowfriends · 4 months

Text

my thoughts on the WoT characters after book 5

before I start posting Lord of Chaos thoughts, I wanted to sum up what I think of the characters after The Fires of Heaven (and New Spring) so I can look back on it later. I’m sure I’m missing some, just listing everyone I have thoughts on.

Alanna: I have my eye on her after those sus forced bonding comments… time will tell but I don’t trust her at all. I like her though, she’s fun.

Asmodean: he was funny as hell, what a pathetic guy, and had objectively the most hilarious death in the series so far.

Aviendha: this is probably the character I have the least complicated feelings about. I just like her. she’s funny, she’s badass, her relationship with Rand is great.

Birgitte: a hot bicon. every word that comes out of her mouth is gold. she’s such a bro.

Egeanin: standout side character to me I love her so much. yes girl unlearn your cultural biases! and be unhinged and horny on main!! she better come back!!

Egwene: girl I want to like you but you're making it so hard 😭 as a character she's great. as a person I'm struggling with her dumbassery and her superiority complex and the way she's treating Nynaeve.

Elaida: she’s cringe and bad at her job but I kind of stan. she’s doing her best and it is absolutely not good enough and she’s being puppeted by the Black Ajah and only succeeded at deposing Siuan because a bunch of teenage boys stabbed people for her. I can’t even be angry at her tbh.

Elayne: book 5 was so great for Elayne. she's maturing a lot and she really shot up the list for me. her interpersonal relationships are so funny and I love how excited she is about making ter'angreal.

Faile: maybe absence makes the heart grow fonder but I miss her and want her back. she was so silly but also loved Perrin so much and I’m such a hopeless romantic that I loved the sappy parts.

Gareth Bryne: this man is a CREEP!! Siuan get AWAY from him! ugh ugh ugh. and I know it’s only going to get worse.

Galad: unfortunately this man is one of my favorite character archetypes. I didn’t vibe with him at first but now I really do.

Gawyn: I want to put him in a paper shredder. I am so angry at this man even after a full book to cool down post-coup. please let me deck him. I do think my feelings will change but right now I’m still angry as shit.

Graendal: problematic queen. do I think RJ will do anything interesting with her, probably not, but am I intrigued, yes.

Lan: THIS MAN BREAKS MY HEART DAILY. ohhhhh my god. not normal about him.

Lanfear: hmmm complicated feelings about book Lanfear. I found her introduction painful and annoying - it’s way too obvious - but she improved and I do love how crazy she is. it didn’t really sink in for me until her conversation with Rand in Tear that she’s delusional and obsessed with LTT to the point of being completely out of touch with reality, and therefore v scary. TLDR I love her now. RIP gone too soon.

Leane: I have no idea what’s cooking with her, I just have to RAFO. I’m either going to think she’s an icon or get angry at RJ for being sexist and I don’t know which.

Liandrin: the balls on this woman are actually insane, trying to Compel Moggy. she’s way too cartoonishly evil to be really interesting though. but she makes so many sexually charged dog references which I love tbh.

Logain: he’s fine I guess. hard to tell where his story is heading and he kind of hasn’t done anything.

Loial: he has never done anything wrong in his entire life, he's perfect and I love him.

Mat: I've come around and I like him now. his memory stuff is really interesting and so is the way he interacts with fate/the Pattern.

Melaine: best Wise One I love her so much.

Min: she’s never clicked with me as a character and I think her motivation is kind of dumb and repetitive. I also really dislike how salty and disrespectful she is towards Siuan but that has to do with my personal issues about the Siuan plotline so I can’t totally blame her for that.

Moghedien: I NEED to put her in a petri dish and poke her with a stick. girl you are not subtle about your petplay kink. somehow she’s scary and pathetic at the same time and I just love her a lot.

Moiraine: I can’t even put it into words. she’s my everything.

Morgase: I feel so fucking bad for her, her POVs were horrific, what a survivor. I'm excited for when she gets a bigger plotline.

Nynaeve: my favorite character who’s on page at present. first of all she has a Forsaken collared. second of all she’s so angry and I love angry women. also she has no self awareness which makes her POVs very amusing, but also sometimes devastating — I love her struggling with fear and her perceived cowardice in TFOH.

Perrin: I constantly forget he exists. not in a bad way but not really in a good way either - he’s just bland to me.

Rand: he is my idiot baby boy. go insane faster please it’s interesting.

Rahvin: good riddance you creepy fuck. not even awful in a compelling way to me, just awful. good as a character, well-written, but AAAA.

Siuan: her arc after being stilled is distressing to me and I don’t like reading it - her loss of power and influence, the way the other Aes Sedai all treat her, the sexual harassment… so I have a hard time separating that out from Siuan herself. I’m… torn. I love some of her scenes and some feel very out of left field. we’ll RAFO again.

Suroth: GIVE ME MORE. her POV was fascinating and she’s so awful.

Thom: against my best wishes, I actually like him now. he’s so dad coded and protective of Nynaeve and Elayne, and a badass, and has a good sense of humor.

Verin: what an icon!! favorite Aes Sedai bar none now that Moiraine is gone.

[inevitably there will be a part 2 when I realize I forgot some really obvious people]

#wheel of time #eve reads wot

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