#about my low skill and self-hatred

[einkleinesmittelding]

Andriy the necromancer talking to his mom (whose soul is inside the bottle. Don't worry, she agreed to it herself)

[marragurl]

Saxaphone player Gallagher has not left my mind since the jazz night art dropped AND THEN Robin saying Halovian’s innately have good voices and Sunday used to hum lullabies to her as kids happened in the 2.2 special program, and I’m sure you guys can see where my unfortunate Galladay heart is going with this.

Whoever decided to make this art, I love you. I hope your pillow is cool every night, you’re never stuck in traffic, and your water is refreshing with every sip.

Also the art of Sunday with the White Gentlemen drink in the S.P.A.R.K.L.E jazz night event has also spiraled into me delusionally thinking that’s his go to drink. Which is hilarious since Robin has hinted before that he seems to have a massive sweet tooth in her letters.

(Sunday how do you even make holding a drink menacing, Sunday please get some therapy-)

So imagine this:

Pre 2.0 Galladay, where they’re both wary and suspicious of each other but didn’t do anything outright. Sunday slowly began to visit Gallagher’s bar whenever he had time to observe the Hound, initially on the down low just to get a sense of what he was working with and what to keep an eye on. He always gravitated to that one corner booth that every bar had with the most privacy, and just stalked there for a few hours before leaving. (Smol menacing birb in a tree vibes)

Gallagher obviously knew that Sunday was doing this (even though everyone else seemed to somehow completely miss him, Gallagher wouldn’t be surprised if Sunday was doing some weird Harmony mind tricks), and after the first few “stakeouts,” he bit the bullet and actually approached the table to engage with Sunday, on the off chance this was some weird “test of loyalty” by the Halovian to see if the Hound would swallow his pride to serve his so-called masters.

Nothing terrible happened, but he remained passive-aggressively polite when serving him, and Sunday remained passive-aggressively cool-headed in response. There was some snark of what dear “sweet-toothed” Sunday would want at a bar, and an icy reply of “aren’t you the master drink smith? Why don’t you show me those skills you boasted about?” which led to Gallagher being petty and giving Sunday the White Gentlemen drink, both for the story behind it being such a metaphor for Sunday, and because it was on the more bitter side of alcoholic drinks.

Sunday wasn’t too against the drink; it wasn’t something he would have ordered if it had been his choice, but it wasn’t a bad drink by any means. He couldn’t help but continue to drink it even after Gallagher left his little hidey booth to go back to the main bar, but he’d never stoop so low as to complement the Hound. Of course, he never ordered anything else from then on, only White Gentleman. In fact, over time it seemed to slowly get better, the flavors grew on him, and he couldn't help but look forward to it during difficult nights in the Dreamscape.

If Gallagher tried to needle him into a different drink, Sunday just bit back a “oh? Admitting defeat? I thought this was your best drink for me?” with a little smirk while Gallagher had to use every bit of self-control to not punch him in the face.

As time went on, the bar slowly became a place Sunday frequented to not quite relax, but to get away from the hustle and bustle of Penacony and his duties as one of its main faces. The stresses slowly started piling up, especially with the Charmony fast approaching in a few months and all that came with it.

Gallagher didn’t seem to loosen up regarding his attitude with Sunday, but he did get better at shoving down the visceral hatred he had for everything to do with The Family and Sunday as time went on. He didn’t get soft with Sunday per se, but he definitely kept an eye out for him, and definitely knew when to cut off his drinks on days where it seemed that Sunday wasn’t all that there for their usual veiled comments towards one another when he went to serve him his drink.

It started small, with Sunday staying later and later until sometimes he was the last one to leave the bar to return to reality. Gallagher wasn’t quite sure what to make of it, still wasn’t quite sure this wasn’t some weird long-term test Sunday was devising, especially since he still seemed to be the same ruthless Family member, the same Head of the Oak Family, when Gallagher was working as a Bloodhound outside the bar. For some reason though, within the enclosed space of this strange sanctuary, it was almost peaceful between the two.

One night, there was something wrong when Sunday entered the bar during Gallagher’s shift. He saw a bit of a crowd near the small stage that was within eyesight of his little hidey booth, it seemed some of the musicians of the live band were arguing? He watched as Gallagher came over, seemed to try to speak with the group before honing in on one of the musicians who had been making the most noise and seemed to be about to get physical with the rest. Sunday watched as Gallagher picked up the musician by the scruff of their suit with one hand and carried them towards the doors and lightly tossed them out.

(It was the first time Sunday had actually seen Gallagher perform anything resembling the actual duty of a Bloodhound. It only hit him that he’d only ever seen the other when giving reports, orders, or at the bar. Why was this so shocking to him, he’d seen the man’s arms before, hard not to with his slovenly dress and messy clothing style, as if he couldn’t bother to hide away his imperfections from the world, not like Sunday who refused to be seen by the world, to dare to show one thing off about himself despite his countless failings- he’s getting far too distracted by one meager showing of strength, focus Sunday)

There had always been a live music segment. Sunday was curious to see what would happen with the band missing a member, but was distracted by Gallagher placing his usual White Gentlemen in front of him before heading back to the musicians without a single word to him. Gallagher took a moment to speak with the rest of the band, who seemed to be coming out of their shock and took on worried looks. Sunday could only watch in muted shock as Gallagher went behind the bar and came back with a case, opening it to reveal a saxophone. He then went on stage with the rest of the group, positioned himself further to the side and in the back amongst the shadows within Sunday’s line of sight, and played with the band for the rest of the night.

Sunday couldn’t look away.

He was frozen as he watched Gallagher seamlessly transition from song to song, taking only small breaks to continue serving the other patrons before heading back in. Sunday only remembered about his own drink when his gloves began to get wet from the ice melting into condensation on his glass.

Something felt off within Sunday, and for the first time since Robin’s debut, he couldn't help humming to the music of the band, music that wasn’t of his own sister’s making. He couldn’t help but remember those little concerts the two would have, taking care of his little sister, his only world. He would do anything to keep the Harmony, to keep their family going. When was the last time they truly spent time together? Before he became the Head of the Oak Family? Before he couldn't recognize his own smile?

He was so lost in his thoughts, in memories he thought he buried, that he didn’t realize that it was once again closing time, and he was once again the last one left. He only snapped out of it when Gallagher came by to grab his empty glass, only quirking a questioning brow at him before heading back to the bar.

Gallagher had been keeping a quiet eye on the Halovian that night from the back of the band, in the shadows he felt the most comfort in when in the Dreamscape of Penacony. He had watched Sunday’s eyes glaze over, and the only reason he hadn’t felt offended by the seeming disinterest was the look in the other man’s eyes reminding him of his own when he looked in the mirror. The same look of shame, regret, loss, longing, of the wishes to regain everything he had lost. The same look he strove to hide under every bit of the facade he had crafted of this new self, but came back all too often with every reference of the Family found within his prison in the Dreamscape.

Maybe it was the shared nostalgia within his own heart, that little bit of his true self that he thought died when the Family tore out everything that made him who he was, that made him return behind the bar and begin making Sunday another White Gentlemen, giving Sunday a small nod to beckon him over. He wasn’t expecting anything from it, and he masked his own surprise when Sunday actually left his little shelter to come and take a seat in front of him at the bar. Even while out of it, Gallagher made note of the quiet confidence the other still carried himself. Nothing seemed wrong to anyone else looking at him, only for the lost look in his eyes.

The first time in the many months that they’ve been skirting around each other, and finally they seemed to be face to face.

It was quiet as Gallagher made Sunday his usual drink, a drink he had been slowly changing over the months to be sweeter and sweeter that Sunday never quite seemed to notice, or if he did, he never said anything, only seeming to savor it more each subsequent night. Maybe not even Gallagher noticed his own changes to the drink, subtle as they were.

It was quiet as Sunday took the finished drink, and it was quiet as his eyes slid over the bartop to see the saxophone case laying open with the instrument inside. It was quiet as Gallagher followed his eyes, as he came out from behind the bartop to take the saxophone out and take a seat in a chair only one seat down from Sunday’s. It was quiet as Gallagher began to play to his audience of one.

It was quiet as Sunday quietly hummed along.

It was quiet as they both knew that it would not last.

OK yea so this was all because I heard ‘La vie en rose’ at the end of the Jazz night event and went “Damn I wish that’s Gallagher playing on his Sax” and then we spiraled.

Uh. Idk what it is with me having a small ship moment which then spirals into a full blown writing session. My mind blanked out and as I came to I find out that I made a whole ass little one shot over here then completely forgot about it WHOOPS

So yea, hope my fellow Galladay enjoyers… enjoyed! I think I’ve slowly begun to crave… not domestic or fluff per se from these two, but after every AO3 fic being super dark between them (which I get! They are the toxic yaoi kings of Penacony as of writing this, no one is denying that!) I think I want to see them be explored in a more melancholic sense. Not quite the “forbidden” love angle, but in the “damn we kinda have some parallels, and maybe in another life we could have gotten along but there’s too much baggage and anger, both historically and currently to really even try anything”

I have this feeling this may not be the last time I write about these two… is Galladay going to be the ship that gets me to actually use my AO3 account?

[inkmonster21]

Hearts Across the Divide

12.) The Failure

Noa x Fem!Human!Reader

Series Masterlist

~oOo~

Loui, fueled by determination, arrives at his village. He swiftly sets about gathering his resources and troops, amassing spears, bows, and arrows, drawing upon almost their entire arsenal of weaponry. The young ape leader is determined to handle the situation without relying on Noa.

As the sky turns into a canvas of vibrant hues, Loui's troops line up. Gemm, with practiced precision, applies war paint to Wuka's features, crafting intricate patterns that symbolize strength and determination. Loui, next in line, stands tall, ready for his transformation into a warrior.

For Wuka, donning the war paint was a rare occurrence, a relic of a time when conflicts required such measures. However, the recent development of your abduction had ignited a fire within him, pushing him to don the paint once again. The village, recognizing your significance, also felt a deep connection to you, and your capture had ignited a protective fire within everyone.

Under the cover of the night, the group of 10 apes commences their journey, led by the determined figures of Loui and Wuka. The two apes take the lead, their keen senses and tracking skills guiding the group as they follow the trail left behind by your captors.

Loui and Wuka, determined to bring you home safely, were unfazed by the thought of spending days, even potentially weeks, out in the wilderness. Their commitment to your rescue burned brighter than any obstacle they might encounter.

After two days of tracking, the group finally closes in on the sound of laughter and hoots, indicating the presence of an enemy camp. Night has descended upon the landscape, offering the perfect cover to approach their adversaries under the cloak of darkness. The team stealthily moves forward, wary of each step to avoid detection as they draw nearer to the source of the ruckus.

The scene that unfolded before them was one of peculiar camaraderie between human men and apes, both engaging in banter, drinking, and laughing together. Among the apes, however, they could detect the signs of warriors who had seen their fair share of combat, their scars and weary eyes telling a tale of struggle and violence.

As their eyes scanned the gathering, one particular ape stood out from the others. His towering stature and dark demeanor commanded attention, exuding an air of self-importance that demanded respect. The ape's gaze was fixed with a look of intense hatred, as though he were anticipating an event of great significance. The air crackled with tension as he lingered, his dark eyes watching and waiting.

Wuka's eyes widened with a mix of surprise and shock at the sights before them. This was a first, never having seen these apes before, and the proximity to humans after so long only added to the surrealness.

Loui, meanwhile, clenched his muscles, his breaths becoming heavier as he fixed his gaze upon the large ape. There was no doubting it; this towering figure was the leader of this ragtag group.

Loui gave a subtle signal to his fellow apes, a slight gesture that was nearly imperceptible. His words were hushed, yet full of determination. "On my move," he repeated, the message understood by the group. The apes understood the cue, and a sense of collective adrenaline began to rise. With bated breath, they waited for the command to move, their focus fixed on Loui's signal.

Loui moved swiftly and silently, landing in the camp with barely a sound. His gaze scanned the area, searching for any sign of you. Yet, there was no glimpse of your presence amongst the hoots and cackling of their adversaries.

Loui searched with a desperate fervor, his eyes darting around the camp, desperately scouring every inch searching for a sign of your presence. But no matter how high or low he looked, your whereabouts remained a mystery.

Loui, poised to enter a tent in his desperate search, is suddenly halted by the sound of a low voice behind him. “Looking for something?” Startled, he whirls around to face the source, his eyes locking with whoever spoke.

The towering ape, exuding an aura of menace, towered over Loui with a chilling grin across his face. The power dynamic was immediately noticeable, the large ape displaying an air of authority and dominance.

Loui's voice was a low, gravelly rumble, his question filled with a mixture of anger and determination. "Where is she?" he demands, his eyes narrowing as he meets the gaze of the larger ape, demanding an answer.

The large ape's smug smirk remained fixed on his face as he stared down at Loui, taking a moment before finally responding. He relished the power he held in this moment, the knowledge that he was the one in control.

“Did I not say… for Noa… to come claim his pet?”

The large ape's tone was mocking, dripping with a hint of smugness. The emphasis was deliberate, a reminder that you were seen as nothing more than a possession in his eyes.

At Loui's signal, the apes from his party suddenly dropped down from the treetops, launching themselves into the fray. The element of surprise was exploited as they began their assault on the enemy camp.

Despite the sudden onslaught, the large ape's reaction was shockingly calm. Rather than being caught off guard, he seemed almost amused by the attack, replying with a snarky response, "Is this all you brought?."

Within the chaos of the attack, Loui and the large ape engaged in a fierce tussle, their bodies locked in a struggle for dominance. The sounds of grunts and growls filled the air as the two powerful figures clashed violently.

The intensity of the battle escalated, with some of the village apes being brutally beaten. Many were nearing the brink of death, while others had already fallen in the fight. The odds were stacked against Loui's group, their numbers quickly dwindling under the onslaught of their adversaries.

Wuka fought valiantly, but he found himself quickly overpowered by a brutal blow to his back. He stumbled, collapsing to the ground with a loud thud, his body racked with pain and fatigue.

"Loui!" Wuka's voice echoed weakly, a desperate cry for help as he lay weakened on the ground. His body ached from the blow he had sustained, his strength fading as he tried to push himself back up.

Wuka spoke with strained breaths, his voice filled with determination despite his weakened state. "Save her… at all costs." he urged, his eyes meeting Loui's gaze with fierce intensity. The weight of his final words sank in, a final plea to prioritize your safety amidst the chaos of the battlefield.

Wuka's eyes, once aflame with determination, gradually lost their brightness, the life slowly seeping away. With each passing moment, the light within them diminished, until finally, they became vacant, a poignant sign that his spirit had departed from this world.

Loui's grief-stricken cry echoed through the night as he watched Wuka's life slip away. Anger coursed through him, fueling his every movement. The ape towering over him took the opportunity to shove him down, a smirk spreading across his face as he reveled in his power over Loui.

The large ape grabbed hold of Loui, dragging his battered form to the edge of the camp. With a dismissive gesture, he tossed Loui outside, his words ringing out clear and cold. "I want Noa." The message was simple, a demand for Noa to present himself.

The six apes remaining, battered and bruised, emerged from the camp, their numbers reduced to half of what they had initially begun with. They staggered weakly, each bearing the marks of the brutal battle they had endured. Four of their fellow apes had fallen in the onslaught, their bodies left behind in the camp's clutches.

As Loui returned to the village, his heart ached with the weight of his newfound responsibility. He had lost his father and now held the mantle of chief, a role he had never desired but was now thrust upon him. The absence of Wuka was a void that could not be filled, leaving a sense of emptiness that echoed through the village.

Haunted by his father's last words, Loui now bears the burden of fulfilling Wuka's final wish. With a heavy heart, he realizes that saving you will require the very person he once harbored animosity towards – Noa. The weight of this realization weighs on his soul, but the memory of his father's voice urges him forward.

He did not want Noa’s help, but he needed it.

[queenoftheantz]

Top 5 Anime/Manga characters of all time and why?

oh wow hmmm....

Completely subjectively:

Oikawa Tooru (haikyuu!!)

Oikawa... he is just yknow. My Character. But I also often in my daily life have a little Oikawa in my head reminding me that my passion is my passion because it's fun and I love it. That talent and skill are intertwined but also not static or pre-determined, that I might not be as good as I think I should be, and I might never be, but if I don't try I definitely won't. Maybe I will reach my goal today, or tomorrow, or in 30 years. And I can do it at the pace and path that suits me. He speaks of all this AS WELL as the very bitter feelings that preceeds these revelations. I also really love his focus on facilitating others, of reaching potential together, of trust and faith in his team and their in him!

2. Marcille Donato (Dungeon Meshi)

Oh Marcille. (Manga spoilers here) Marcille started out so silly and to be honest? Annoying? Girly and anxious and squemish. But then you realise that these parts are absolutely true, but she is also determined and loyal and scared and unafraid and skilled. The firly and squemish becomes charming in contrast to her being excited to experience death and morally ambigious enough to use ancient magic or become a dungeon lord. And then you learn even more about her and her family, the way she grew up and how she probably is... pretty young, considering everything. The knowledge and life experience of someone being 40 maybe, but with the brain to handle it of a 19 year old... she is so afraid for everyone to die away and yet she cant help but love people! Isn't that lovely!? And as someone very afraid to lose my parents I really really feel for her relationship with her father. I think Marcille was a character who really illustrates the progression of tone in Dungeon meshi, represents the themes of the story so well, and really grew on me. Also gay. hi.

3. Shinji Ikari (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

I know people don't like this guy but he shaped me so much as a teen. I think his journey through lacking self-esteem and depression and self hatred is both fascinating, nuanced and in the end, encouraging! Imagine being offered to join humanity all as one, never feel rejected or alone again and then DESPITE all he has gone through, chosing to be yourself after all! And frankly I love that the show lets him be cowardly and weak and unsympathetic, it makes him more real and make his strong moments stronger. Also gay. hi

4. Mob (Mob psycho 100)

Mobs story is more low key, but I also enjoy a story about a young boy who FIRST has to find the motivation to improve himself, and THEN has to realise that improving yourself and being a good person does not necessarily mean to surpress any negative or strong emotions. Once again, a story about acceoting yourself, even the sides you have a hard time controlling and find off-putting or scary. And I think Mob gets to realise this in a silly and gently way!

5. Abe takaya (ookiku furikabutte)

Oh Abe. It's that one page. When he is explaining to Sakeaguchi his backstory with Haruna, and he is talking about it so casually, it's no big deal, but you can tell. "Everyone is afraid of pain". It makes my heart clench every time. It's his control-issues, his fast felling into caring about Mihashi as a person, but then slowly realising what that actually means. It's him being shocked by the smile, it's him doing anything to win, it's him not realising how mean he is. In a different story Abe would have been a bully. But fortunately for him Momoe and the team and Mihashi himself are not putting up with any of it and he slowly and also gently improves himself. I gotta catch up with oofuri. (also gay. hi)

Shout outs to: Hinata Shoyo (of course), Mihashi Ren (also of course), Edward Elric, Sophie (Howls moving castle movie), Reigen (im not immune), Tamaki (ohshc, sometimes i just think about him and hes so charming and fun and i relate), Kanamori (Keep your hands off Eizouken!, shes just. so cool. It's a fun show but every time shes on screen im blushing a bit shes just! Wow!), and the straight college student from one of my fave BL's who has to go on a personal journey to accept that he actually likes a man who's bigger and taller than him and has a big ass. Shoutouts to him too.

[doodlegirl1998]

The reason why I can't behind any of the characters or things they do is that they're made into hypocrites.

You got Mina and Eijirou who're against bullies yet are friends with Bakugou don't do anything when he gets onto All Might.

Hawks who had a past with an abusive father and when Endeavor is exposed as one, he doesn't react or say anything about it.

Izuku with his quirkless past yet doesn't offer any sympathy towards those like him, like how he tried to make Nighteye laugh or Aoyama.

And then there's Aizawa... the guy's a walking hypocrite so I don't feel like going into any of the things he did.

All this makes it difficult to really get behind and like these characters when they contradict their characteristics this much all to make the worse characters look good.

Hi @theloganator101 👋,

Exactly this. Hori's characters act how HE wants them to to service the plot rather than what would fit their characters. So we have situations like this where they become hypocrites and bad things are implied about them. We have talked about Aizawa before so I'll focus on Izuku, Kirishima, Mina and Hawks.

Izuku - was quirkless, was horrifically abused by Bakugou for this as well as daring to try to help him out a river once.

Also Izuku - is NOT allowed once to reflect on the similarities between Aoyama and himself. Is NOT allowed to think one bit on his quirkless past or the horrific bullying (abuse) he went through. Does not seek to change the status quo now that he is a part of it. Or think about how HE could change how quirkless are being treated. This in my most charitable interpretation could be Izuku's self hatred coming out full force, he doesn't want to think about when he was quirkless so he doesn't. But this could also be construed as arrogance, stupidity and narrow minded-ness.

Izuku - knows in graphic detail the Todofam situation, is best friends with Todoroki Shoto and confronted Endeav for being a POS when he first met him.

Also Izuku - Acts like a fanboy of Endeavor in the agency arc and defends Endeavor to Dabi's face (another of Endeavor's victims.) - This puts a sour taste in my mouth not going to lie, this reads as Izuku thinking, 'because he's nice to me and he says he's going to change all is good now!' Also (unlike defending Shoto) defending Endeav just isn't necessary here. No one is denying Endeavor's mentorship or heroism skills. Dabi is saying he is an abuser and a shit dad which - you know - he is. Izuku reads as a naive, narrow-minded teenager at best here. There are better ways Hori could have worded Izuku stepping in - this wasn't it.

Mina and Kirishima: 'We hate bullies!' 😠 Very vocally anti bully, their heroism stories each center on it.

Also Mina and Kirishima: look on as Bakugou acts like the BIGGEST bully for all of the academic year and decide to become his besties. - This can be read as them being too thick to work out Bakugou is a bully at best. At worst... They read as cowards and hypocrites. The 'It's ok as long as he's not picking on me or my friends,' type.

Hawks: has an abusive father that was taken into custody by Endeav before being taken by the HPSC and enduring more intense training (likely abuse.)

Also Hawks: Despite his past abuse as an adult licks the boots of another abusive father, Endeav (Endeav's boots must be super shiny.) - Are we still pretending Hawks is an actual character at this point? All he is now is an Endeav Simp with some 'I killed Twice' angst sprinkled in. But I will save the major pieces of salt regarding Hawks for the ask I have about him. Least charitable interpretation - Hawks has LOW empathy thanks to his abusive childhood and latches on hard to a select few (Endeav) who he will protect, screw everyone else. Hawks doesn't care about Endeav's past child abuse, spousal abuse and literal crimes just what he means to him. Most Charitable - Hawks is an abused messed up person who never grew up past his idealisation of Endeav and clung to anything that meant he could keep the 'hero Endeav' in his mind intact.

With all of these deductions in mind, characters we are meant to root for feel flat, hypocritical, OOC and just downright bizarre at times.

Why? Because Hori bends characters to his script rather than writing the script for what works for the characters.

[pumpkinstrawbrew]

you're toxic, i'm slippin' under with a taste of a poison paradise

...

(i always jokingly call their ship 'my chemical romance', mostly bc of the fact that crane is awfully good at chemistry, among the other things. n' i do dearly love this aspect of their relationships. gotta adore how it's literally 'toxic' love, bc the fear toxin is a thing, n' they both end up sniffing it, every time they met. so it's less of poetic language here. it's just that they end up inhaling fumes n' havin' a bad trip. plain as day.

anyho', these arts are circling around the idea of what if at one point, crane dosed both of them on purpose. n' what if he did it as the scarecrow. or more so, when he was in mindset of the scarecrow.

btas crane n' old comic ones are usually depicted as sadists, who ironically are afraid of pain themselves. as jonathan is the sort of man, who is afraid to suffer / be hit / be picked on, bc it was his whole life. he knows how it feels n' he's dreading it. n' while it's cute, i was wondering about more crazy n' drastic measures, that crane might take, even if he knows that it would hurt him, but at same time, would grant him smth that he wants very-very badly. in this context, some 'discomfort' should be fine. n' i believe, that if he's 'out of it' or desperate enough, he might do it.

in this context, him using ft for smth dare i say kinky, isn't out of question. i often think' that crane might view his ft as a connecting link between himself n' batman. even if he doesn't know who batman is, the difference between them is evident. starting from the looks n' ending up with their personalities. but when batman is afraid, it's like jonathan bringing bruce to his level, isn't it? at that moment, they're the same. crane dosing them both is almost a power move. kind of harmful, bc crane cannot quickly overcome his own toxin like batman does. but still, it would take batman aback. give jonathan those 10 seconds of being the 'big bad' man in the room. but that's just a cherry on top. the main point of this is that jon can get away with smth, like a kiss or smth more, bc it would all be lost in horror soon enough. with this nearly an ultimatum in mind, he can waste those few moments *where he still udnerstands what's real n' what's not* to be bold.

i feel like btas crane will be a tad more modest about it still vs his more unhinged comic counterpart. but batman would be caught off guard, either way! i generally do enjoy the situations, where bruce is ruffled n' taken for a ride from time to time. he's very serious n' very prepared, n' all that, but it's fun to let jon score a win. even if it's small, it still would plague batman for days. his enemy dosed both of them, crawled into his laps, kissed him n' then just.....refused to explain himself. n' while it would be puzzling from bruce's pov. i love how it would have been the fear-included kiss for both of them, but jon would have been afraid of it *touching lips with him* even without ft, so this what makes it painfully appealing to me.

i stan by a hc that pleasure is generaly very hard concept for crane. n' he doesn't fully know what to do with it. or how to proceed. any fantasy, where things just nice n' not complicated feels untrue to him. he can't do what harley did n' just smooch the bat. he's not a pretty gal or even someone, who has any skills in that area. more so, the mere idea about how the bat might be willing to do smth with him, outside of being low-key cornered into it or lured into, is beoynd him. which is pretty sad, but it just feels kinda....like, well, jon, haha. i can't picture him as someone, who can overlook his self-hatred n' disgust this easily. but causing smth, when controled by fear n' despair for having that one thing he's pinning for, now this would sound realistic to him.

as for bruce, he can take his revenge by simply kissing crane back. n' also explain nothing. i imagine, that when it happens, crane's brain will freeze. it's like an instant defeat.)

[thewizardstarry]

This one is very personal to me, since its been a year since i got to the whole self growth and manifesting stuff and i write it to remind myself how far ive come yet.

Yesterday i was on my tiktok and i got that "year ago on this day blah blah..." thing and wow i dont recognize the person i used to be anymore!

Me year ago:

- 0 friends (the fake bitches dont count)

- forever single

- stucked in the environment i hated

- low self esteem, goddamn hatred towards myself

- ugly ass short hair, ruined by bleaching and hair dye, literally looked like straw, very stiff in texture

- no makeup skills, my sense of style was very questionable

- terrible mental health

- underweight and flat lol

- very pesimistic about future, even scared of it

- none existent social life

Me now:

- has great friends who respect and care about me

- quite popular

- in relationship with the best guy i've ever met

- confident af, bad bitch energy

- has thick wavy hair, dyed back to their natural brown color, soft and shiny

- loves herself

- takes much more care of her skin and hair

- gained some weight (in form of muscles), has strong body build and thicc clepsidra shape

- prettier face (got rid of baby face and finally look my age, more prominent cheekbones etc)

- found a hairstyle that suits me perfectly

- better makeup and clothing style

- radiates feminine energy

- mentally stable, doesnt need therapist or antidepressant and is doing great

- ambitious and looking forward to what future holds

- has a odd job, makes a lot of money weekly and can afford anything she wants

- travels a lot, goes to many parties and concerts

"I'm going to glow up one more time"

[sherlollyandspoilers]

We're worth it, Chapter 27, March 20th

Chapters 1 through 26 of We’re Worth It can be found here Here be Dragons is the original fic that this fic is a companion piece for - HBD timeline: Chapter 18, before the epilogue

March 20th, 2017

“It was very burnt…Mina is still picking on him about it,” Molly giggled, thinking about all the snarky comments their daughter had been making about Sherlock’s failed attempt to bake a pie.

“Why were you baking a pie so early?” June asked, laughing.

“It was Pie Day,” he said simply but she raised an eyebrow in question. “March 14th, three one four, it’s one of the ways to note the date.”

“Ohhh, three point one four.” June nodded in understanding. “I am surprised that you acknowledge that way of noting the date.”

He shrugged. “Bad science pun. Plus, Mina thought it was funny…at the time,” he mumbled the last few words. The two women exchanged a look, stifling giggles.

“Soooo,” June dragged it out, indicating the shift in conversation, “did you talk with your therapist about your stag party? About trusting yourself?”

Sherlock nodded as he leaned forward. “It was a good session. I don’t think – ” he sighed, cutting himself off before taking a deep breath. “I will always be an addict, but for right now, am in a very good place and with Greyson starting to sleep through the night my concern that I might be triggered is very low.” Both Molly and June nodded in understanding. “We talked about how my drug use is not just a simple impulsive act but a deep rooted, toxic coping mechanism for my self-hatred.”

“Buzz words…” Molly whispered, making June giggle quietly.

“Hush,” Sherlock scoffed at her, but smirked. “Obviously, I am not going to walk into the middle of a drug den right now – bad idea – but I am also not in the middle of withdrawal, nor have I had any cravings in months.” He shifted in his seat, an indication, June had learned, of him striving to get his wording accurate. “Right now, I need to focus on my self-doubt when it comes to being a husband and a father.”

“Focusing on that will help you feel more secure in your sobriety?” June asked and he nodded. “Okay.” Looking at Molly, “It’s been a while since you have needed an individual session – any concerns with dissociation, triggers, feeling overwhelmed?”

Molly shook her head with a smile, “No, I’ve been feeling great! Really focused at work…haven’t cut up the wrong dead body yet.” June smiled at her, glad that Molly had become comfortable enough with being herself in session. “I’ve been doing my best to review my warning signs list at least once a week and I practice my skills with Mina.”

“I love hearing that – she will be well set up in the future to help herself regulate, that’s great!” She paused a moment before continuing, “With the wedding next month, unless you two can think of something more urgent, I say we focus today’s work on how you two as a couple can help Sherlock with his self-doubt.” They both nodded in agreement. “Let’s start with how things are going with being mindful of sharing how you are feeling with each other.”

Molly sighed, “It is possible to check-in with your significant other too often?”

“Nope,” Sherlock popped his lips.

She turned to him, gaping. “You asked for two check-ins an hour last night.”

“Oh,” June nodded in understanding. “Yeah, that can be a lot of checking-in and emotional sharing.”

“SO MUCH!” Molly huffed, but June could tell she wasn’t really mad. “I don’t want to limit us being open,” she held her hand out and he took it, “But I don’t need to tell you that I am having the same emotion 7 times in one night either.” She squeezed his hand in emphasis.

He thought for a moment. “I may have over done it last night.” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. “I will aim for no more than 3 check-ins a night…on average.” A smirk tugged at the corner of his lips.

“Thank you.” Molly shook her head.

June looked between the two of them, “That is a really good compromise for you two.” She turned her attention back to Sherlock. “Can you explain what you meant last session when you said,” she checked the notebook on her desk to make sure she got it right, “I mess up when things are good?”

Sherlock nodded but stayed quiet for a moment while he thought. “All of our problems started…” he stopped when he noticed June’s frown. Clearing his throat, he continued, “One of the first moments of this in our relationship was when I choose to stay at Baker Street after I got out of the hospital instead of going home.”

June nodded when she realized he thought he had explained himself fully, “Okay…I think I am going to need more of a connection than that, especially since we have talked about this decision in a different context before – can you expound?”

“I know I’ve brought up that I was angry at myself for that decision because in reality it did nothing for Molly and Mina’s safety, nor did it assist in my working of the Magnussen case.” He paused to take a deep breath, “The reality is that I got in my head and told myself that my presence in their lives was a risk…and that I was not worth the risk.”

June opened her mouth, but Sherlock was staring at the ground so when she noticed Molly frown and turn her head to look out the window, she kept quiet, watching them. Molly’s brow furrowed deeper, and she gave an angry sigh through her nose, before turning back to her fiancé.

“You have always been worth the risk.” Her words were intense, and her expression was hard, serious. Sherlock looked up at her, taken back by her severity. “Sherlock, I helped you fake your death for fucks sake.” Righteous anger rolled off her. “Do you remember asking me why I was risking everything for you?” He was silent as he nodded yes, of course. “I told you then that you were worth it.”

“Molly, it’s not that I don’t believe you, I just – ” he started but she cut him off.

“Oh, I know you believe me!” Tears were streaming down her face. “I am not angry with you. I am angry with the situation – I am furious that your brain constantly lies to you about how I feel about you.” She roughly wiped her face. “I chose you a long time ago and if everything we have been through so far hasn’t changed that, nothing will.” Grabbing his hand, she forced him to look her in the eye again. “I choose you.”

He was silent as he stood, pulling her up with him, and gathered her in his arms, silently burying his face in the crock of her neck.

June smiled to herself as she turned her gaze out the window, giving them a moment.

After a minute or so, she heard Sherlock quietly tell Molly that he chose her too before releasing his hold on her. They took a moment to adjust themselves and get settled back into their chairs.

June nodded to them both. “It has been a long time since we discussed affirmations, but I think in light of this conversation, that it would be a good idea to add it back into your daily routines.” They both nodded. “Good, I think it will also help you feel really solid as you go into the wedding as well.”

[pe0ple3ater]

Kind of an old event at this point, but write something about Etoiles showing up to Bolas base at like first day of purgatory to ask for food, people misenterpreting it and he surviving a 1v5 and killing like 3 people

From a Bolas pov it was such an intense moment but from Etoiles his desperation to escape the hell of purgatory and be friends again was so devastating

This is very short because I've been a little mental illness, but I really really liked this prompt. I'm sorry I couldn't do it real justice.

Etoiles is tired.

First off, his daughter has been gone for god only knows how long. Second off, he’s been sent to this shit island and forced to fight his friends. Third, he’s the leader of the Green Team. These things combined are making him feel a little miserable, a little in need of someone to sooth the hurt of just fucking existing here.

Egg Island sucks, the air tastes like chemicals and it seems like there’s something out to get him around every corner. He’s in charge now, which means that every decision falls on his shoulders and could cost their children's lives. It’s only day one, Etoiles tries not to let the concept of time drag on his mind too much. 

Etoiles steps onto the sands of Bolas’ island and runs his hand through his hair. He just needs to get away, he needs to apologize to Philza. He’s hungry. 

High pitched laugher carries on the wind and Etoiles stiffens up, the sound sends a shiver down his spine and makes discomfort itch under his skin. There’s something wrong, Etoiles knows that Bolas hasn’t had the easiest day- self hatred burns under his skin, he’d added to their hurt, he’d bent to pressure and hurt his friends when they had nothing -so he’s a little afraid to see the state they’re in. 

Etoiles walks, following the sound of voices and spotting the smoke of a campfire. He jogs the rest of the way there, sword firmly put away and half his armor off. He doesn’t want to scare them, he just wants some kind of companionship.

He breaks into a jog when he spots the group, excitement winning over the unease crawling beneath his skin.

Bolas attacks like a pack of wild, feral animals. Etoiles reels back when he sees the glint of  bloodstained stained iron, quickly equipping his armor. His hand flies to his sword but he hesitates, he isn’t here to fight. 

“My bros?” he calls, he forgets he’s muted, too used to the freedom of Quesadilla, too used to being able to speak to his friends like they’re his friends instead of hiding away and sneaking around. He feels dread settle heavy in his stomach when Cellbit’s eyes lock on him and dilate, the look of a predator. Etoiles slows to a stop and takes a few steps back. Baghera is there, bloody and beaten and something in Etoiles chest aches seeing her like that. Foolish bears his teeth at Etoiles, they’re bloody and sharp. Etoiles has never seen him show them like that before, such a clear threat. 

Cellbit is saying something, speaking too quickly for Etoiles to keep up, and Etoiles realizes that they can’t hear him. He has no way of telling them that all he wants is to say hello. The three of them attack and Etoiles barely manages to get his shield up. He braces for their attacks and tries to think of what to do. They bark and howl and screech as they attack, fighting messy and uncoordinated. Etoiles stays low and holds his shield while he tries to think.

He can’t die, he can’t let them kill him and let down his team. He pushes back, knocking Baghera off him and getting his hand around his sword. He plays defense, but once they start getting hits on him he has no choice but to attack.

Etoiles is very skilled, and Bolas is very weak. He kills them one by one, whispering apologies after every kill. He stands in the center of their bodies once they stop attacking, panting and shaky. He closes his eyes and tries to ignore the feeling of his communicator vibrating with cheers from his team, tries to swallow down the sickness curling in his stomach. This isn’t what he wants, this was never what he wanted.

He feels eyes on him and looks up, instincts making his whole body tense, he raises his shield slightly. When he looks up, it’s bright blue eyes he locks on. His breath catches in his throat, he unmutes himself quickly and takes a few steps forward.

“Phil-”

“Leave, I don’t want to fight you, but I will kill you Etoiles. Go” 

Etoiles’ chest aches, he takes a shaky breath and takes a few steps back. He wants to cry, he just nods slowly, turns on his heel, and walks back to his shitty boat. 

Etoiles is so fucking tired.

[raynewton]

The new Reader has a few problems to solve with the Triumvirate

Volfred: So, today is your first Rite with your new Reader. I'll try to make the connection as gently as possible, but please don't be offended if it's a little less painless than you'd like.

Voice: No Reader can help them! This Triumvirate of cretins is hopeless in every way! One is like a fly in milk, another extinguish the flame on 15 coals in a plunge, the third is afraid of the Orb!

Volfred: Archjustice, I urge you to return to your direct duties!

*one lost Rite later*

Oralech: What, Erisa screw your advices, and you come to me?

Volfred: Reader must train companions. I want to find out your weaknesses and strengths first.

Oralech: I think Brighton's given you a pretty good picture already.

Volfred: When I'm free, the first thing I'll do is go to him and talk to him about his reading impotence. He should be buried up to his neck in the ground for repeatedly sending a man with a banishment sickness to the Rites. It's a miracle Erisa didn't lose her mind.

Oralech: We had no choice! And Erisa wouldn't give up her place to anyone!

Volfred: She already did. I've suspended her from the Rites for the next cycle so she can rest and regain her strength. Untill she does, you and Ti'zo will have to work twice as hard. Let's go.

*in the Beyonder Crystal*

Volfred: I asked lady Sandra to give us time to practice. She even graciously agreed not to comment on the process. Let's get started. At the last Rite I noticed the following: you are agile, you have good reactions, you are quick-witted and not afraid to take risks. But...

Oralech: But I have trouble judging the distance to objects, so I'm always jumping over the Pyre or throwing the Orb past it. My aura is weak, my aim is non-existent, and I don't even have Glory to speak of...

Volfred: I'd hazard a guess that Brighton did a lot of debriefing.

Oralech: Aye. Every time I jump into the Pyre, I have this information flashing before my eyes.

Volfred: Stars, getting the Triumvirate to this state of mind is a skill.

Oralech: Brighton was all business. Without all the sugarcoating, but honest.

Volfred: I'm not accusing your old Reader now. This isn't about him, it's about you. As far as I can see, listing your sins honestly doesn't make things any better.

Oralech: Nothing make it better! Nothing at all! As much as I've practiced throwing things at a target...

Volfred: So it's not about quantity, it's about quality.

Oralech: How's that?

Volfred: Take a deep breath. Breathe out. That's it. Now, please listen to my observations and insights. Your main weakness is your extremely low Glory. I can say with certainty that the "Scribes' hatred" that Erisa spoke of at the Rite has nothing to do with it. I suppose a lingering lack of self-confidence. It's interfering with your connection to the stars. So you need something to help you feel confident.

Oralech: How do you imagine that? Should I jump into the Pyre with Ti'zo in my hands? Or, let me guess, with a bunch of herbs around my neck?

Volfred: I think there's an easier way. When you pet Ti'zo, when you gather plants, when you go scouting - what do you do?

Oralech: Uh... thinking about how best to organize it?

Volfred: What else?

Oralech: I don't know. Didn't pay attention.

Volfred: Tariq noticed and told me. You're singing.

Oralech: What?!

Volfred: Singing. You purr softly and move to the rhythm, walk to the march. Ti'zo says because of you he can remember "Song of the Battle Scribes" from anywhere in the middle of the night.

Oralech: *blushing*

Volfred: You can use your voice in the Rites, too. A battle cry, for example. Shout it before you plunge into the flame, and your glory'll rise, no doubt about it.

Oralech: I... I'll try it.

Volfred: Right now. Lady Sandra, we are ready for the training Rite!

*brazen manner skill learned*

[lesleymoonwriter]

9 people I'd like to know better tag

Tag from @ettawritesnstudies! Thanks a bunch!

Current book: I'm currently reading a book from the library called Literary Wonderlands. It's a compotation of different writeups on various fantasy and sci-fi works that heavily employ fictional settings and worldbuilding. I was also reading Mexican Gothic by Silvia Moreno-Garcia, and I need to get back into it. It's really good.

Current fic: Something else I took a reading hiatus on, but I want to get back into a Twisted Wonderland fic called Ink and Ivory by honey_neemonie on AO3. It's an AU fic I can not fully explain without rambling about the plot of Twisted Wonderland for 20 minutes, but it's one of those magical fics that seems like it wouldn't work on paper, but works beautifully in practice, in large part due to the author's full commitment to the premise and excellent character writing. If you like gothic horror vibes and the Disney villain anime boys (especially the mermaids), give it a read! (TW for discussions of mental health and an offscreen non-detailed suicide in one scene).

Currently watching: YouTube. No but seriously, I was starting a watch Cute High Earth Defense Club LOVE! with a friend, but she's currently busy with finals, so I'm waiting until her life's a bit less chaotic before picking it back up again.

Next on my watchlist: At the moment? Probably The Owl House. I've been meaning to watch that show for forever.

Current hyperfixation: The same thing I'm hyperfixating about every night, Pinky-- Twisted Wonderland. Specifically at this moment, the Shroud brothers.

Favorite color: I LOVE blues. Particularly sky and teal blues! Sea green is also a favorite.

Sweet, spicy, or savory: Sweet or savory, or better yet, a combo! I have a super low spice tolerance, so I can only handle it in small doses.

Relationship status: Single, not looking, not interested in looking. (Is ace/aro-spec)

Last song: Ameri by NILFRUITS! It's one of the primary inspo songs for my other current draft project, Unmagicked!

Last thing I googled: jellyneo negg festival (yes, I am on neopets).

Skill I’d like to learn: I'd LOVE to learn animation, but also video editing! I think doing my own video essays and/or animatics with my ocs would be fun.

Best advice: Keeping faith and continuing to try, even if you're likely to fail, is better than becoming hopeless and giving up. Hopelessness leads to resentment and self-importance, which are both things that can lead to you getting taken advantage of and trapped in a cycle of hatred and stagnation. You can only move forward if you break through the cycle and keep going towards your dreams, even if they never come true, because as long as you keep your outlook bright, you're free. I learned this wisdom from an anime fox man, and now I pass it on to you. Take care. <3

No-pressure tagging @loopyhoopywrites, @theeccentricraven, @veneritia, @maddstermind, and anyone else who wants to participate!

[iwannabeastarstarrockmann]

I DID IT!! I LEFT HER :)

I bought a plane ticket and flew for the first time (which was so fun and I got to sit by the window both times!) to be with my extended family who I don't know all that well but my grandma is here too and my grandpa is on his way, so I feel more comfortable since they practically raised me. it's been so fun this past week getting to know all of my cousins and aunt and uncle! there's so much to do here too! I've been hiking, biking, riding atvs, riding my aunts boat, attempting wakeboarding although failing miserably, shooting my uncles guns which was a rush!! and it turns out I'm a perfect shot lmao. and on top of all that, this family really likes to do stuff together which I'm not used to at all so I swear I've been getting invited to one thing after the other every day I've been here. there also happens to be a whole lot of positions open up right now in this area which is great because I was mostly worried about how I was going to find a job last minute.

my uncle and I seem to have a lot in common which is comforting. he also grew up in the desert with nothing to do and also had a crazy mom so were getting along very well. we seem to have a lot of similarities in other areas as well. he took me for a day to show me some of his favorite things to do and also show me what a day of work is like for him and put me to work for part of the day so that he could get a feel for what im skilled at. were surrounded by so much forest so he took me to some of his favorite spots close to a cabin he's been fixing up and we got to explore an abandoned mine shaft!!! OMG it was so cool! he also took me to a really nice cemetery near where he works and it was so beautiful and mystical and we saw a whole lot of deer all throughout it which just enhanced the whole experience. I'm having so much fun

I've never been so relaxed in my entire life. its sad to think that this way of living was always available to me lol. oh yeah, the coffee here is absolutely amazing! and there are so many options, its almost overwhelming. now that im able to be more active, I've fallen back into my coffee addiction to stay energized throughout the day lol.

id say the only con is that my aunt is a lot like my mom so sometimes it can be difficult to be around her but other than that, this is like heaven :))

obviously it's not perfect, as I'm still trying to cope with the guilt of leaving my mom and fighting the urge to cut or starve when my guilt gets to be too much but id rather this lingering feeling than the constant torture of living with my mom in a place with nothing to do and nowhere to go, you know?

plus side from all this trauma is that I've lost 14 pounds since I left her and that's just from all the hiking and walking I'm doing during my free time lol

I'm still in a calorie deficit most days but its not really that low compared to how I used to restrict.

I'd say right now the only thing that's really stressing me out is my need to constantly body check, its definitely gotten worse since I moved out here, and its because I really cant tell how others perceive me.

I'm also fighting with myself most days since I got here cause I keep catching myself saying things inside my head like "you dont deserve to eat", "dont be a fat pig", "no one will love you if you get fat", you know, the cliche signs that you are not completely recovered yet, but I think I'm also going to be starting my period soon and I often fall into a depressive state right before, and it often starts with self hatred and then fades halfway through my period.

anyway I've gotten way off track, obviously the move cant solve all of my problems but I am so happy right now despite my mental struggles and still cant believe that I'm lucky enough to be so easily accepted by a family who doesn't even really know me yet! I wouldn't have been able to escape if they weren't so welcoming from the very beginning.

[scorpionatori]

My Top 5 Anime Characters

(sorry, pochita isn’t on the list he’s just my mascot)

5. Denji - Chainsaw Man

Denji often gets written off as a horny pervert teenage boy character, but to me he is the best character in Chainsaw Man and one of the best shounen protagonists out there. I actually appreciate how Denji’s sexuality was handled in the series as it’s a very important aspect of his character and the story. Denji is a child who was almost completely deprived of every basic need. He barely even had enough to get by without starving to death. He was abused by pretty much every man he knew, and he is inherently distrustful of them. On the other hand, Denji is desperate for a nurturing motherly figure and this leads to him latching onto almost every woman he meets, Makima in particular. This leads to him being taken advantage of and even groomed. While other protagonists are driven by some noble goal, Denji is someone who is completely driven by very basic human needs and desires - food, shelter, and sex. He’s happy as long as he has his needs and desires met. I think this makes him a very interesting and compelling protagonist, and it’s interesting that the story revolves around a boy who’s been used and abused his whole life ultimately breaking free and trying to learn how to live his own life. He is not your typical noble savior protagonist, and I love that he’s driven by such raw and human needs and desires.

4. Asuka Langley - Neon Genesis Evangelion

I love the tragedy of Asuka’s character, and it frustrates me that so many people just reduce her to a bratty child. She’s a young girl whose entire view on life is that she has to be the best at what she does. She displays very narcissistic qualities: desperately needing praise and approval constantly, drawing attention to herself whenever she can, and having a fragile self esteem that fluctuates between very high and very low. Her identity is so tied into being the best pilot that she’s very threatened by her two peers, and when she starts struggling and failing it completely ruins her. It’s heartbreaking to watch her big spiral into despair and self hatred, and to me her deep-seated fear of failure and not being good enough at her chosen skill hit very close to home.

3. Shigeo Kageyama - Mob Psycho 100

Mob is a beautifully written character. Of all the characters out there who have emotional repression issues tied into suppressing their special abilities, he is definitely my favorite. Mob is traumatized because of his abilities. He lost control and his little brother got hurt. He became so focused on not relying on his powers that he even deeply suppressed his own emotions (as his emotions tie into his powers and how strong they are). Mob became incredibly socially awkward and detached, to the point Dimple even describes him as livestock. The most beautiful part of the story to me is how he learns to accept the part of himself that he tried to deny because he was scared. He split off from the part of himself he found frightening and tried to hide it away. The ending arc where this other side of him gets out of control is terrifying and heartbreaking, and yet he’s finally able to truly accept and embrace all of himself by the end.

2. Osamu Dazai - Bungo Stray Dogs

Dazai quickly earned the right to be my favorite character I’d truly consider “morally gray”. Despite providing comic relief with his behavior and personality and antics, he reveals himself throughout the series to be actually quite terrifying. As a former mafia executive, Dazai was ruthless, cold, detached, and manipulative. He committed many crimes for the Port Mafia and was even violently abusive to his former apprentice. Something that interests me about him is that he didn’t really change too much after leaving the mafia and joining the agency. He’s still kept a lot of the same views and he didn’t have some big redemption arc by leaving the bad organization. Unlike a lot of characters who have a dark past but become heroes, Dazai seems to have no remorse for the bad things he did. But his dying friend told him it’s more beautiful to live a life where you save and help people, and this caused him to change the kind of life he wanted to lead. He was attracted to the violence of the mafia, hoping to find some meaning in existence by being around raw human desires and behaviors, but even in this he found no purpose in living. So, after his friend’s words, he made the choice to go down a better path, because if both paths give no inherent meaning to life, you may as well choose the one that doesn’t hurt people. He’s still manipulative and has a very nihilistic worldviews, but he ultimately chose to be on the side that exists to save people. To me, he’s an interesting study of how a change of a person’s environment can influence external behavior, even if it doesn’t completely change who a person is deep down inside. He’s still the same person he was, but he no longer lives a life spent hurting other people. He’s a very complex and human character who can neither be labeled good nor bad.

1. Natori Shuuichi - Natsume’s Book of Friends

Although some people found him unlikeable (can’t relate), it didn’t take long for Natori to become my favorite character in Natsume’s Book of Friends, and just my favorite anime character in general. Despite having some moral gray areas, he’s overall a good and caring person who is very dedicated and protective of others. He’s often been criticized for his tendency to lie and deceive others and have some manipulative moments, but this is part of what makes him interesting to me. In my opinion, he undergoes the most change and growth throughout the series, going from a manipulative and deceptive person who desired more power and status in his community to someone who wants nothing more than to protect the people he cares about. He is very well written, his backstory episode easily being one of the best episodes in the entire series. I love the comic relief he provides while at the same time being very complex and deep. As much as it pains me that a lot of people disliked him so much, I think the fact people couldn’t decide on what kind of person he was proves his complex and intriguing writing. He’s very much a product of his abusive and neglectful environment and being ostracized from others, but he develops a safe and healthy friendship with someone who truly cares about him, and it causes him to undergo a lot of personal growth. I would personally love an entire series just about his life from being a teenager to being a young adult in the exorcist community and the changes he underwent. He’s truly a character deserving of his own series.

[burgerpiee]

Rea talking about OCs?

I watched The Beekeeper a couple of weeks ago and my honest review was that it wasn’t the best film I liked this year.

But I do love Derek and Mickey! Me and my friends did eventually tried to rewrite The Beekeeper..so anything I say is not what happened in the film but ofc spoilers for The Beekeeper if you haven’t seen it (don’t waste your money on it)

TW: Mentions of domestic abuse, child abuse, mental abuse, etc..

Daria Danforth is also Derek’s really younger sister. A 14-year-old girl that the Danforth family adopted. Derek is twice her age (Derek 28, Daria 14) so they barely interacted and only make small talk or see each other during big events or Jessica’s (Derek and Daria’s mom)

Daria is mainly known as someone perfectionist, quiet, smart, stressed, and gloomy girl with a little group of friends she hangs out with. (It's just 5 school friends and Derek) Daria also is pretty introverted herself, with the fact she has an impaired social skill. She finds it hard to make friends because of a bunch of rumors about the fact she is a member of the Danforths...(Cough cough Derek's secret crimes and Jessica)

Her perfectionism is from the fact she does more than one sport, or instrument and gets the highest grades in school. Captain of the both Soccer and Tennis teams. Plays in the orchestra, good at guitar, piano, and violin. Not to mention speaks more than 1-2 languages..That child might be a 'little miss perfect'.

However, when she is around her friends she's a completely different person. A humorous and generous person who would stay up all night playing video games or chatting with her friends in the rooms of the Danforth's mansion or Derek's place (aka her house as well lol).

Her relationship with her mother is really strained and odd. Jessica pressures Daria into many things, Jessica pressures Daria into doing many things in life which causes Daria to have high levels of anxiety and low self-esteem because she doesn't meet her mother's success criteria. Daria constantly is being burnt out and she becomes emotionally exhausted and does not want to do anything but stay in her room.

Meanwhile, her relationship with Derek is considered 'awkward' to both of them. Both children are born in different generations. They are at least trying to fix this broken-off relationship because every interaction feels like they aren't siblings just two people with the same last name. Daria and Derek are constantly always thinking one of them is Mom's favorite. (What I mean is Derek believes Jessica loves Daria more because she is more responsible while Daria believes Jessica loves Derek more because Derek wasn't pressured into any of what she's doing)

However, both of them had a joking hatred for one another and can be seen as complete opposites. They never said 'I love you' or 'I care for you' but they know how to show it to each other without the uses of words.

Daria now lives with Derek since her mother is running for president, instead of making the maids take care or even send her to a boarding school, Daria lives with Derek in the penthouse they owned. Also the beginning of fixing their awkward-strained sibling relationship.

Daria at first thinks this beekeeper is just some stupid man threatening her family and will not even successfully manage to murder the family. When she realizes the causes of the fire from the scam companies were him (Clay). One day at the beach house, she witnessed her brother lying dead beside her which left her traumatized, she couldn't progress anything happening.

Daria missed Derek, the only family member she cared for the most, Daria for a moment realized that she would be the only one to take care of the Danforth Enterprise leaving her passion and interest in the rubbish bin because she had to run this legacy while her mother uses Derek's death as a shield.

[your-actual-therapist]

the many fallacies of the high-functioning adhd person (or why you should get the damn pills)

i am a therapist and also a late-diagnosed adhd person. and by late-diagnosed i mean that i just got diagnosed a couple of weeks ago and apparently all my clients have known i have adhd since the day they met me.

the common objection (read: my objection for the last several years) to the bare fact of "you should 100% go get neuropsych testing and maybe get on medication, learn better coping skills, adapt your work environment to fit the way your brain works, be open about how adhd affects you and what accommodations you need, etc." is "oh, but you see, i can actually get shit done when i need to."

it's true. i have a successful private practice. i've written several published books. i own my own home. it is clean. my dog is not neglected. that was why i called myself "well."

the thing is, though. neurotypical people tend to do those things...well, not effortlessly, exactly, but without the self-hatred. the self-blame. the all-nighters before a deadline. the endlessly ping-ponging back and forth between a thousand browser tabs and the one tab that contains the thing i actually need to get done. the stress. forgetting shit and remembering it and then forgetting it again. developing the elaborate organizational systems that prevent you from forgetting shit. trying to mitigate the effects of my symptoms on my partner. family. clients. the toll on my body and brain all this untenable stress takes, because untenable stress is the only way i'll get things done.

picture someone who uses a mobility device but can walk some distance without it. can they technically get across certain parking lots? sure. does it take the same effort for them as it takes someone with typical mobility? no. does their ability to walk mean they don't have to think about the number of steps they have to walk that day, today's level of pain tolerance, or whether there's a place to sit in the building once they get there? no. would it be frustrating for them to hear "but i thought you could walk!" from me if i saw them use their mobility device or park in an accessible space? of course. should they spend all their time worrying about whether they "really" need their mobility device? whether they're taking resources from people who have it "worse"? whether they're exaggerating how hard it is to get around because they "can" walk in a pinch? whether the fact that their mobility issues are less visible than others' means they're less deserving of accommodation? also no.

picture someone whose income is low but who is basically staying afloat. are their bills paid? sure. can they technically afford to splurge on a video game if they eat eggs for dinner for a little while? sure. does the price of that video game mean the same to them as it means to someone with a lot of spare cash? no. does it help that person to pretend their video game budget's the same as their rich friends' budget? hell no.

i'm not comparing any of these situations to each other, but i think it's useful to talk about the way we think about Other People's Life Stuff vs. Our Own Life Stuff. i think it helps us be kinder to ourselves and to people who share our experiences. i often caught myself thinking "why can't [sibling who also has adhd] just be on time and get shit done?" in a way that i'd never think about someone with a more visible condition, and that wasn't right.

my point is that whatever my level of adhd-related impairment is or was, there was never any point in minimizing it. there was no benefit to me or anyone else in pretending i wasn't struggling. i did no one any favors by not getting those magic pills that have greatly improved my life. i helped no one by refusing to ask for help or pretending the ways i sneakily accommodated my "quirks" were for any reason other than neurodivergence.

my point is that it can do harm to pretend that "high-functioning" means anything but "looking like a typical person but also expending so much effort on behaving typically that it detracts from your happiness and health."

my point is that mentally putting myself in a category separate from people with "actual" problems who needed help did not help those people at all and did jack shit to reduce the stigma of neurodivergence. those people were me, and i needed help. you do not stop needing help once you reach a certain threshold of socially sanctioned functionality. if my goal was to pass myself off as an "absent-minded professor" (my parents' and every single one of my teachers' and supervisors' favorite nickname for me) rather than a Genuinely Impaired Person, then congrats, yay to me, i successfully shot myself in the foot.

and maybe that was what i needed for a while because i was not in a place where being open about it and getting the help i needed was necessarily safe. but not anymore. and now it's time to use the rest of this addy to get cracking on some writing projects because i am on fire today.

[abimee]

ive also long since walked on from that fanartist mentality of ''people should support me rather than just lurking in the shadows cause i need validity to keep going''. you know those posts asking people to reblog and like peoples art or else theyll leave the fandom and all the content will disappear because like

i sort of fundamentally understand thats not true. because the reason my art isnt liked much at all is because theres just an oversaturation of content (fanart) because its thousands of people making art for a shared interest, and so theres people whove been doing what im doing for long mucher, much better, much quicker, and more interestingly than me. i aint going to get much engagement because my art is low quality repeat of years old content, and people already have their favorite artists and fics that have tread this ground, theyre not going to give a shit if i make it again because im not that artist who effected them first, so im always going to be a low barrel smuckers artist churning out content for myself in a cave and maybe like a handful of people will throw me a chance but i know deep down im never going to be good enough, because im lazy and not skilled and not as good at envoking emotion or intrigue like those artists who do have the followers and stuff

and i dont really give a shit, i used to eat myself alive when i was younger and being made fun of and compared to better artists as the ''worse version of them'' but at this point i see no reason to immolate myself or cry out ''reblogs over likes!!" because ive stepped back, looked at what i was making, and genuinely asked ''who would give a shit about this besides me?". and that answer is nebulous and far reaching, and maybe some unknown entities out there do love all my work and follow me with an intense gaze of respect, but im not going to shoot arrows at a flying target and then cry when it doesnt land, because why just poison myself with self hatred and basing my emotional state on how many reblogs i get on a drawing, when i can recognize im one fanartist in a big freaking ocean of people whove long since gone and more coming in who will always swim faster than me. and does it matter to me??? should i truly base all my worth over the images i make for a piece of video game media thats not going to exist in maybe 40 years? did god really give me life on this planet just to cry myself to sleep at night because my art isnt getting the attention i think he deserves?

like yeah it hurts to know when your shit doesnt do well! it makes me really sad! i miss the engagement being semi known in the utdr community brought but what i realize im missing isnt the attention on my art but meeting people and engaging with them, having conversations over anonymous messages over a shared interest, learning other peoples headcanons and surprising them with a drawing! i miss the sociality of fandom and getting to fuck around, i dont care about compliments or notes, i miss being en extrovert talking to people about the video game, not my goddamn ego getting fanned by strangers!

so will i ever care if my 50 hour art piece failed in getting attention? no, because thats not what i want, what i want is to meet people and talk to them and have fun with the connection something like a video game can bring us, and when i first tried for those connections in utdr i was met with people so blinded by their fascination and love with my art that trying to just fuck around and be friends with them felt like i was at a wall of having to be the artist they appreciate me as rather than just some bum online making headcanons, so leaving utdr behind was both very good because i no longer had to deal with that wall when talking to people, but it also means i now lose a ton of social communication that came with being well liked amongst a group of nerds and now jumping into a new group of nerds as a nerd who hasnt been around for long. so i guess i just miss that. its why i enjoyed going to sacanime as just a random cosplayer and getting to talk to the cooler artists and random cosplayers, i love the community that comes with fandom and not at all the ''attention'' or what have you of fanartist. if that makes sense