#about my reading choices tonight 😔😔😔

[gilverrwrites]

Random Jason Todd headcanons that I think about too much. Heavy on bookworm!Jason cause I love bookworm!Jason.

Calls you his backpack, when he gives you a ride on the back of his bike.

Lets you personalise his spare helmet, and does not care when his siblings/other passangers complain about having to wear whatever you've created with stickers and gemstones, or whatever you're into.

If there are two seats available, he’ll sit in one then put his feet up in the other, or otherwise occupy the second seat so you’re forced to sit in his lap. He doesn’t care how much you weigh; he just wants you as close as possible, wants to feel you against him, put his hands on you.

Even if they’re not his kind of book, he’ll still read and annotate your favourites.

He doesn’t really have guilty pleasures. He’ll happily binge watch 90s chick-flics, or barbie films without shame, if that’s what you’re into.

Buys you pill dispensers for your meds/vitamins/whatevers, and leaves you little reminders to take them along with other things like – ‘don’t forget to eat some protein today x’ or ‘if you’re gonna rot in front of the TV all day, OPEN A WINDOW ♡’

Will respond to your texts with the most out of pocket stuff that knocks you off your feet, some fun, some romantic, often book quotes.

23:58: Jay, when are you coming home. I miss kisses xx 00:04: Soon, you should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how. Xx

02:03: You should be asleep, but in case you’re not, sleep well babe x 06:15: Good morning my heart, my life, my one and only thought x

17:45: What do you want to eat tonight? Xx 17:58: You xx 18:00: You can’t eat me, I’m not a substantial meal! x 18:06: Don’t talk bad about yourself like that xx 18:06: I ate you last night, I would eat you every night if I could xx 18:09: Your choices are pasta or take out x 18:16: 😔 18:18: Fine, you can eat me, but you have to have real food first x 18:18: I’ll pick up thai food on the way xx

Buys you gas station flowers, or candies, or books by your favourite authors, whenever he sees them, wherever he is, just cause they make him think of you.

Likes it when you massage his muscles, when you gently ghost your fingertips over his scars.

Loves it when you run your fingers through his hair, scratching your nails against his scalp and behind his ears.

When you pull his hair, oh boy. Pull his hair.

You’re hot when you’re angry. Not that he would ever intentionally try to wind you up.

You’re hot when you’re bossy too.

Complains when you steal his t-shirts and hoodies, but if he sees you deciding between one of his jackets and one of your own, and you don’t pick his, he’ll get mad about it.

You're one of very few people he lets wear the brown jacket, because he couldn't say no to you if he tried.

[kzpearce]

kiss > keys. alhaitham x reader

gender neutral reader! not really proofread (so i apologize for the wrong grammar that you would encounter) and it's also another alhaitham (supposedly ayato butttttttt yeah 😓)

also it contained language so read at your own risk! 😵‍💫

author's note. by the way, thank you so much from my previous post it had gotten a lot of attention! i love you guys <3 (poor ao3 and wattpad i'm still not giving them updates 😣)

edit. LOL i forgot to tag and i feel like this would flop and i dont wanna repost it anymore cuz itd like 1am here so 😔

you had decided to stay at kaveh’s apartment (that you weren’t aware he had a hot roommate he said he didn’t like), only because you had nowhere to stay and your budget wasn’t enough to rent a place. after all, you managed to enter the akademiya because of a scholarship, and it was an opportunity because the akademiya was one of the great schools in teyvat.

but after a few days of staying at kaveh’s apartment, he announced to you and his roommate that he would be going on a trip, and it was a requirement for his task. you glared at your cousin who suddenly made a decision (that he said, he didn’t have a choice) to leave you with the roommate he didn’t trust.

“i thought you didn’t trust your roommate? and now you’re leaving me with him?” you asked unbelievably to your cousin.

“i don’t. but i trust you that you knew how to handle yourself already,” he retorted, placing his clothes inside his baggage. what’s worse was he will be out for a few months, and you knew you wouldn’t be able to get enough mora (when you’re only helping in the library and they only gave you a few) to rent a place.

the reason why you were also willingly to come here and accept the scholarship. it’s because your parents declared that your cousin was studying here and you could stay at his place (they also didn’t know he has a roommate).

“bitch your roommate owns this apartment and you didn’t even say a word? to us?” you remembered rolling your eyes and crossing your arms when you managed to have alone time with kaveh.

he reasoned that he didn’t bother saying anything anymore, so that there wouldn’t be more questions coming from the family (since they won’t shut up when there were happenings around you and kaveh’s lives).

meh, understandable, but still. what the hell?

“alhaitham,” kaveh averted his gaze to his grey-haired man roommate, who had never left his sight on his book. “if you did something to my cousin i would burn you and your house alive.”

you snorted. he was so good at threatening people, but you knew that he would also never do it.

when kaveh left, the first few days with alhaitham was awkward, and the house was really silent unless they would ask each other about the house details like where would he be eating for tonight, whatsoever. other than that, nothing more.

nevertheless, time passed when there was a project you needed to do. but when you asked for your professor’s guidance (because there were difficulties on your part), he suggested that alhaitham should teach you.

you were annoyed, but it eventually became okay because he was your roommate for quite a while and hopefully he wouldn’t neglect you since your professor asked him to do it.

“you were doing it the wrong way,” that was his line whenever you talk to him about your project. you couldn’t help but sigh, but it was also okay for you because you’re taking this as an opportunity to become better.

during those days, you would make small talks when things went silent, and he oddly cooperated. you had never thought that this would be an entrance to make the two of you closer.

and you would be lying if you didn’t find him more attractive that you wouldn’t stop yourself from falling.

“i wonder how much information you know since you never stopped reading,” you said when both of you were getting some fresh air outside, yet his eyes were still focused on his book.

“enough that it would make your mind stir,”

you blinked.

twice.

either you got that or you didn’t. there were no betweens.

“well, you might be considered as the smartest man in the world since you contained a lot of information that would make your mind stir,” instead, you made a joke out of it. you chuckled out of foolishness.

he snorted. “that was a terrible joke.”

you rolled your eyes, “of course it was. that wasn’t a joke anymore at some point.”

his lips curved.

the chemistry friendship between you had gotten closer and if both of you had free time, you would hang out together. and it didn’t mean you would go out and do things, but staying at one place and letting the silence eat the ambiance away was enough to consider as a hang out.

you might have considered it as a rest too. the his presence was so comfortable and peaceful that you would never want to go away and his arms wrapped around you would make you simply not care about the world anymore.

his face wasn’t always buried in the pages of his book. instead, you two hung out more and you could see his facial softened whenever he was talking to you. you could see his smile frequently too.

you knew you were falling, yet you’re scared that things wouldn’t be the same if ever he didn’t like you back.

a sigh escaped your lips when you knew you had to live for two days because of a project in port ormos. you knew you would miss him (even though it’s only for two days—maybe you had gotten very comfortable and used to his presence to the point you didn’t want to be away from it anymore).

“see you in two days, roomie,” you giggled at the nickname you suddenly made. he glanced at you interestingly.

“since when did you start calling me that?”

“since now,” you teasingly smiled, remaining in eye contact with him.

“okay, be careful when you’re there.” he said, still maintaining eye contact. His eyes were so pretty.

“okay, roomie,” you teased.

he slightly rolled his eyes but his beautiful smile carved on his lips that you knew you would miss.

you wore your backpack on your back and prepared to walk away from his apartment.

yet you suddenly hovered your hands on your pocket, realising you forgot the keys with you.

“haitham,” you spoke softly, “you forgot to give me the keys,”

the next thing you knew, a soft lips were pressed in your lips. your eyes expanded and how your body reacted started to become uncontrollable.

without giving you time to adjust, he moved away. and your lips suddenly felt empty.

“haitham, the keys of the apartment not a kiss,” you pressed your lips together, maintaining your composure. “but that was better,”

he smirked, “you want me to kiss you again?”

you smiled, unable to trust yourself with how and what you will answer.

the next thing you knew, he leaned, feeling his delicate lips on yours that was lasting for only seconds but it felt long.

“haitham, the keys,” you whispered when you pulled away.

“that would be unnecessary, baby. i’ll be heading with you.”

“wait, huh?” you tried to prevent yourself from smiling because of the endearment, and the news he declared. “you’re coming too?”

“yes, i need to meet someone there for a day,” he answered. “i’ll wait for you to finish before we head home again.”

“thank you, haitham,” you smiled brightly, planting a small peck on his cheek.

“besides doing it for you, i’m also doing it for myself,” he replied with a smile. “two days without you would be insufferable.”

[havendance]

AN: Guess who read Black Canary (2007)? It me 😔 I wrote this real quick because Dinah deserved better.

(AO3 | Superlove (for melo))

Dinah looked up from the letter, from the only connection she had to Sin, alive, safe and far away now. She could still feel the terror of watching her fall. “How could you?” she demanded. “How could you do this without telling me?”

Ollie gently took the letter from her hand. He was burning it before Dinah could process enough to try and stop him. “The league had to believe she was dead,” he said. “Your reaction sold it. I’m sorry.”

“Get out,” she said.

“I wouldn’t have hurt you if there was any other way.”

“Well you did!” Dinah shouted. “I didn’t even get to say goodbye!”

“You can visit her once things quiet down,” he said. “This isn’t forever.” He was reaching out a hand to her.

“Just go,” Dinah said. “I need to be alone.”

“I love you, Pretty Bird,” he said. 

“Go!”

He went. 

Dinah was alone, just like she’d wanted. She didn’t even have Sin’s letter. She knew about keeping secrets—it was a fact of life in this game. If it had been any other secret Ollie had kept from her, she probably could’ve forgiven him. This wasn’t just any secret though, this was Sin, this was her daughter.

Dinah hadn’t wanted to be a mother. She hadn’t wanted to be responsible for  a child she’d leave behind when she went out every night, for another person who would cry at her funeral when some enemy inevitably got the better of her. Then when that changed, when she did want someone to pull her and Ollie closer together, someone to keep close when Ollie just kept running away, she couldn’t. Sin had been none of that. She’d been nothing of Ollie’s at all. Sin had been someone who had needed Dinah’s help. Someone she didn’t mind staying behind with. Her’s to protect, her’s to raise, her chance to do things right.

I’m sorry, Sin. In the end I couldn’t.

She should get up, She hadn’t showered or changed her clothes since… since going to rescue Sin. She should return Barbara’s worried calls. Dinah didn’t do any of that. Instead, she went over to the trashcan and pulled out the ring she’d tossed in.

“All of this, and I still love you, you bastard,” she said.

She could hear Barbara’s voice in her mind: You can’t seriously still be thinking about saying yes.

“I’m not.” It sounded defensive even to her.

You can’t trust him. This isn’t the first time he’s kept things from you. How do you know he won’t do it again?

“Oh shut up,” Dinah muttered. “It’s my choice, not yours.” She set the ring on the counter and shook her head. “ I’m over here arguing with myself, I need to sleep.”

She’d think about it in the morning. In the morning she would remember all the reasons why this was a terrible idea. She’d remember all the betrayals and stop being so happy. Tonight, though, as the delayed relief of reading Sin’s letter finally set in, all she could think was that he hadn’t caused Sin’s death after all. He’d even helped to save her. 

She clapped her hands together. “Bedtime, Dinah,” she said. “Shower and bed.”

But she still kept hearing Ollie’s voice saying “I love you, Pretty Bird,” in her head.

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

His Dark Materials Season 3 - Full Season Thoughts

When I say that I’ve been waiting for this not just for two years since S2 but also for 15-ish years since I read the book, I truly am not exaggerated, I just know that I’m going to be a MESS and bawling at the end of it.

Warning: not only for spoilers under the cut but also because I’m fangirling AND screaming a lot about this series so… yep! Be prepared!

Episode 1: The Enchanted Sleeper

I HAVE MISSED THIS SHOW SO FUCKING MUCH

AMBER SPYGLASS ADAPTATION HERE WE GO 10 YEAR OLD ME IS CRYING SCREAMING SHAKING THROWING UP

Will looking for Lyra 😭❤️

The fact that in her dream-state, the first thing Lyra asked for was Pan, and me knowing what’s coming??? Oh, this season will truly break my damn heart-

ROGER ROGER ROGER 😭😭😭😭

THE TITLE CREDITS CHANGED AND I SAW THE LAND OF THE DEAD AND HARPIES AND ALSO THE MULEFA ASDFGHJKL

DADDY ASRIEL BELACQUA IS BACK ASDFGHJKL

Stelmaria is so bloody beautiful, oh my god, Asriel truly has such a beautiful dæmon

THE GALLIVESPIANS ASDFGHJKL HOLY FUCK EVERYONE ITS ALL COMING TOGETHER

Am admittedly a little disappointed they’re not riding dragonflies or anything

ASRIEL IS WAGING HIS WAR IT’S HAPPENING

I’m so ridiculous, I fangirled seeing Ama because I was like “I REMEMBER HER FROM THE BOOK”

The BSL between Mrs Coulter and Ama omg I was not expecting that but I was literally captivated the entire time they were on-screen, 11/10 choice

Pan weakly asking Mrs Coulter to let them go 😭 also hi Kit Connor, I keep forgetting you’re the voice of Pan in this series

Why is Father Gomez… hot tho 💀

THE GAY ANGELS KISSED THIS IS GOD TIER FUCKING CONTENT GOD FUCKING BLEEEESSSSS

Baruch and Balthamos, yet another reason my heart is going to fucking shatter tonight

Ogunwe’s eldest daughter being “soulless” and Asriel explaining it by explaining his and Stelmaria’s bond and saying what happened to the girl is the same as cutting his dæmon/soul away 😭

Lyra managing to escape but she’s so weak that she didn’t get far and Marisa caught her 😔

The mother-daughter dynamic is so interesting in such a messed up way, like Marisa truly thinks what she’s doing is right and will protect Lyra but also her method of keeping her daughter safe is to drug her and keep her asleep in a cave/hideaway somewhere, truly unstable and unhealthy parenting techniques here

Ama saw her chloroforming Lyra oh my god 😦

IOREK LOOKING FOR LYRA OH MY GOD 😭 HE LOVES HER SO MUCH I LOVE ONE BEAR DAD AND HIS HUMAN DAUGHTER

Will really sliced Iorek’s helmet like it was butter, no wonder Iorek was like “nope I’m not fighting I can’t fight a knife that does that to my armour”

Not Father Gomez sniffing Mrs Coulter’s (?) dress 💀

Oh no no no not the spy fly things being sent after Mrs Coulter, Jesus H-

Marisa telling the monkey to leave her alone and he just doesn’t??? Like he wants to try and comfort her but doesn’t know how, and he doesn’t say anything but she knows what he’s thinking??? Their dynamic is so messed up, I love it

“Welcome to the Republic of Heaven, Commander” CHILLS LITERAL CHILLS

They ended the episode with an “in memory of” for Helen McCrory (the voice of Stelmaria in S1&2) and I nearly started bawling oh my god

Episode 2: The Break

“Nearly 400 years with Baruch must have mellowed me” - OH MY GOD T H E M

“We feel as one, though we are two” - THEY ARE SO…?!? THIS IS BEAUTIFUL ASDFGHJKL

“And you’ll find a way to protect the one you love” - 😭😭😭

SPYFLY?!

I know it’s been three years since the end of S1 aired and obviously the young actors grow fast, but damn is Roger’s voice deeper than when he died

“They’re hurting me” - NOOOOOOOOOO

“Just tell me where you are and I’ll find you!” “... The Land of the Dead” - FUCK ME

Lyra screaming for Roger like that, I feel so sick

Pan’s little ermine noises are so cute omg

“Where did you go? I... I couldn’t follow you there.” (Pan to Lyra) - NOT THE FORESHADOWING, JUST RUN ME THROUGH WITH A KNIFE AT THIS POINT, IT WOULD FUCKING HURT LESS JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

QUEEN RUTA SKADI AAAAAAHHHHH

“It would take more than a little crash to put an end to the pair of us” - I swear to fucking god, if this is more foreshadowing-

(it’s been a few years since I read TAS, okay, give me a break if I’ve forgotten anything)

AAAHHHH MARY MALONE I MISSED YOU

Wait did she just walk into Ogunwe’s camp???

“Something happened here a few days ago and now they’re everywhere” - WHAT ARE??? IS IT THE BUZZING???

The way I tensed up seeing Marisa approach Ama jesus christ i do NOT trust that woman

Also Ama’s outfit reminded me of Lyra’s Jordan College outfit from the film, like the red pinafore and blue dress underneath I mean

ROKE??? AND HE MENTIONED LADY SALMAKIA AAAAHHHHHHH

“When is Lyra not in danger?” - LMFAO true though

“You dismiss Lyra too easily” - Exactly, thank you Stelmaria! Was not expecting her to come through for Lyra but I’m pleased!

“Eve was the Mother of Creation, Lyra is simply the creation of Marisa and I. She is not Eve, she’s a little girl” - OOF

“She must have some information they need or some skill we’ve overlooked.” “Other than being able to read the Alethiometer, she has very little, I’m afraid... other than a nose for trouble” - DAMN ALRIGHT CHILL ASRIEL

The way that Stelmaria snarled so angrily at him talking about Lyra like that oh my GOD

“What??? What would you like me to say?” “The truth.” - FUCK YEAH, Stelmaria, call out your human like that!

“There are angels above the camp” - OOH SHIT

“What are they doing?” “They’re fighting” - OH FUCK WAIT I THINK I REMEMBER THIS NO-

I AM NOT READY TO LOSE BARUCH YET NO NO NO NO FU-

“He’s leaving us” — NO FUCK OFF FUCK OFF I FUCKING CANT DO THIS TODAY-

“My Balthamos” - IM NEVER GOING TO RECOVER FROM THIS, NEVER, THIS IS TOO PAINFUL

HIS LAST WORD WAS “BALTHAMOS” I AM GOING TO SCREAM

Yes we got gay angels kissing but at what cOST 😭😭😭😭😭😭

BALTHAMOS FEELING IT WHEN BARUCH DIES ASDFGHJKL NO I CANNOT COPE, IM GONNA BE SICK, THIS IS SICK, PHILIP PULLMAN IM HIDING UNDER YOUR BED

“This is your fault… you forced me to come here! I wanted us to stay together, I wanted to go with him! They’ve killed him!” - literally STAB ME, it would hurt FAR less 😭

Father Gomez is so hot but he has a spider dæmon so it’s a hard no from me 🙈

“I once killed an innocent young boy in order to harness it (Dust)” - yeah, and we still haven’t FUCKIN forgiven you 

Not Asriel straight up torturing Alarbus in his Dust experimenting chamber :l though he DID kill Baruch so...

“You think you’re significant - He does not even know your name” - DAMN, what a sick burn

“We have a life in the resistance; we can read, write, learn... all those things are forbidden by the temple, especially for-” “Girls.” - oh damn. It’s obvious that this is a commentary on teachings by the church or whatever, especially how it used to be in the past. (My brain is tired so I can’t do full analysis, but I’m sure other people out there will do it better than me)

The girls wanting Mary to stay “to rest” and then asking her about why she’s looking for the girl while pouring her a drink... feels very ominous to me and I hope I’m wrong

(Spoiler alert: I was wrong)

The Magisterium straight up sending out a death squad to kill Lyra, Jesus Christ it’s almost hilarious how far gone they are that they can’t see why killing a teenage girl is wrong, like mother of sin or not, that is still a teenage girl

Will to Iorek: You attract too much attention - YOU DON’T SAY LMAO HE’S LITERALLY AN ARMOURED BEAR

Of course Balthamos knows sign language, that literally makes so much sense because he’s an angel so of course he’d know literally every language in history - and so of course he appears and translates because she can’t hear Will and he doesn’t sign. I love it

I know only a small amount of BSL but I felt so happy when I was able to read Balthamos signing “W-I-L-L” and Ama finger-signing her own name

“But no mother could possibly be this cruel.” “This mother would.” - DAAAAAAAMN

She’s growing sunroot, which is a waking medicine oh my gOD I love Ama, she is truly an icon in her own right even though she’s only in two episodes

Will smiling a little when he sees Lyra sleeping :’)

THE WAY I JUMPED AT MARISA’S VOICE OMG

“I always suspected that you were coming, but I didn’t think you’d be the first” - oh my god, she KNEW Will would come sooner or later, she knows how much he cares for Lyra

Her offering him tea and my first thought being “do NOT drink anything she gives you, do NOT do it”

“I’m keeping her here because I’m her mother, and I love her” - BITCH, you’re straight up drugging her, mother or not you are NOT showing your love in a healthy way

See, I get that she says she’s trying to keep Lyra safe because she knows the Magisterium want her dead, but like... drugging her? Keeping her there against her will? Ma’am, please-

“Because she hates me, Will, and if I woke her she’d run” - damn I’m not surprised, you’ve not exactly been the most loving of mothers at this point

“Wouldn’t your mother do the same for you? A child needs their mother. You understand that, Will. You need your mother” - oh NO, no, no, do NOT bring up Mrs Perry!!!

“And here’s the trick they never tell you: your mother needs you” - oh she’s a goddamn SNAKE

“You promise that you’re keeping her safe? That you’ll carry on keeping her safe?” - Will, nOOO do NOT leave her there

Oh, she nearly CRAPPED herself when he mentioned going to Asriel

“I have seen them together; where one goes, the other follows” - literally everyone else notices it, they’re really not subtle

“You would use your own daughter as a trap?” - yeah, no, that really doesn’t shock me at this point, the man has no fuckin morals anymore

Oh okay PHEW, Will actually has a plan and isn’t just blindly trusting Marisa, I’m resting a little easier now

“I’m counting my steps - we’ll return by them in another world” - OH SHIT HERE WE GO

Nah, that monkey is STILL giving me the chills, fucking hate that monkey so bad

“Your mind is muddled” - this episode has featured so much Stelmaria calling Asriel out, and that’s content I’m honestly living for

Marisa giving the monkey a massive rock and going “do your worst”... AND THEN SHE LOWERED HER HEAD AND HE SMACKED HER OVER THE HEAD WITH IT WHAT IN THE FUCK IS GOING ON I LITERALLY GASPED, like she clearly was telling him to do it but WHYYYYY???

Ama was so ready to go with Will and help him, we have to stan

So now Marisa looks battered and bruised...? I’m guessing she’s got some kind of plan here???

Ohhhh okay, I get her plan now: she looks all beaten up, she tells Gomez that Will has come and taken Lyra, it looks like Will has hurt her when he stole Lyra, Gomez will then hopefully leave thinking that she doesn’t still have Lyra... got it. Bit extreme to have your dæmon beat the shit out of you though

“You know, he had several hundred miles and the boundaries between worlds to cross, and yet... he still managed to get here before you. Bravo.” - LMFAO the shade

“... I am going to take Lyra now, Mrs Coulter” - Oh he didn’t fall for it in the slightest lmao he was like “well, at least you tried”

“you gave her the terrible punishment of her existence” is such a cruel line, jesus christ my dude

He’s not even trying to hide the fact that they want to murder her daughter omg

THE WINDOW IS FORMING ASDFGHJKL WILL IS COMING

Is she trying to distract Gomez so he doesn’t see Will and the knife?!? Is she actually doing something good???

Pan hopping into Will’s coat pocket omg that’s so cute I love it

THAT MONKEY IS FERAL

SHE WHACKED HIM OVER THE HEAD OH MY GOD

“Oh dear… perhaps you were right about that strength” - LMAO she’s so iconic

Not Marisa thinking she’s coming with him and Lyra 💀 I don’t know whether I feel sorry for her or not at this point

“Do you think it’s that easy to dispose of me? Is that what you do, Will? Was your mother as easily disposed of? Where did you leave her?” - ACTUALLY NAH YOU KNOW WHAT, I don’t feel sorry for her at all

His mind isn’t empty enough, she’s distracting him, he’s gonna break the knife 😭😭😭

THE KNIFE BROKE I KNEW IT WAS COMING BUT DAMN

NOT HER THREATENING WILL WITH A GUN AND LYRA STANDING IN FRONT OF HIM TO PROTECT HIM

AH THE GALLIVESPIAN STINGING HER YESSSSS

The airships shooting at them and Iorek immediately jumping to defend them I’m-

“Iorek’s here?” - YES, HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH 😭

Ama jumping on that soldier and Will killing him before he can kill her I’m-

Asriel really arrived super late to the party, literally all the fighting is over and done with 💀

Ohhhh he’s seen Marisa 👀

Lyra taking Will’s hand as they lie together under the stars 😭❤️

Episode 3: The Intention Craft

I’m gonna try to keep my notes a little bit briefer because it took me two hours to watch a 57 minute episode on episode 2 :’( this is 8 hours worth of tv, it’s currently 00:20 am and we’ve only done two episodes so... yeah

NOT THE SHOT OF THE DÆMON (presumably Pan) ALONE ON A DOCK ASDFGHJKL; YALL THIS IS SICK

“Whatever happens... we’ll be together” - having read the book is both a blessing and a curse because on the one hand I’m somewhat able to prepare myself beforehand but on the other I KNOW how painful this is about to be and I can’t stand it

Oooh Marisa is Asriel’s prisoner :O

I think Asriel is enjoying having her as his prisoner a bit TOO much

The way he was right behind her, so close he was literally breathing on her neck as he tied her up... asdfghjkl;

“You could be standing here beside me, you know” - NOT THE MARISA/ASRIEL FEELS asdfghjkl

*taking her necklace in hand* “still wear this?” - ASDFGHJKL did he give that to her?? Or is it just one of those “oh you still wear this?” things???

“How could you and I have produced another Eve?” - no but same, I’m still wondering that lmfao

Not him calling Lyra a “wretched girl” and acting like it’s her fault Marisa turned up to whisk her away?!

Did they collar and chain up her monkey dæmon too??? Damn, he knows her well lmao

“You seem different.” “So do you.” “...you’re staring.” - oh my gOD

Not Salmakia spying on them :’) “I haven’t been hiding, you just haven’t been looking” LMAO

“How do I know you won’t cut into another world?” - umm because the knife’s broken??? It ain’t cutting shit right now

Ahhh she’s got her Alethiometer back! All is right with the world :3

“Since he’s died, I’ve done none of the things he’s asked me to do” - awww Will :(

Are we gonna meet the Mulefa this episode? The next one? :O

“Because Roger’s dead body was in a cage! In a cage that he made, he killed him!” - when she puts it like that, I’m not shocked she wants nothing to do with Asriel anymore, damn

“to work alongside a murderer?!” - 1) Will is a murderer? 2) The reason she trusted Will was because the Alethiometer told her he was a murderer?? But I get what she means

I don’t like when Will and Lyra argue :( 

“Lyra is pushing him to do things he doesn’t want to do.” “Oh, she is her mother’s daughter!” “You don’t trust her?” “She’s also mine.” - LMFAO TRUE ENOUGH

The device Asriel is using to communicate with Salmakia with is so cool omg

Father MacPhail really just sitting there in the dark all like “where have you gone??” I think he’s losing it a little

RED PANDA PAN AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

“You’re not always right, you know that?” - LMAO I love Lyra and Pan so much

“Your father was right about you - you are insufferable” - OOF DAMN

NOT THEM LEADING THE MONKEY ON A CHAIN LIKE A DOG 

At least they gave her new clothes I guess?

“I have been the worst mother in the world” - NO SHIT

“I didn’t think of her for years - and if I did, it was only to regret the embarrassment of her birth, the humiliation-” “Ridiculous! I have never understood why a child born of our love should be a humiliation!” “An illegitimate child and a murdered husband! That is quite something to carry on my back” -- Damn, this trial literally just became a couple’s counselling session for Marisa and Asriel??? And Asriel straight up admitting he loved her??? That they loved each other??? 

I will not ship them, I will NOT ship them, I WILL NOT-

“What if Iorek’s not there?” “He wouldn’t leave without me” - AND WE ALL KNOW IT ASDFGHJKL

“I know it wasn’t real, but once or twice I woke up and she was holding me... never been held before” - I’M NOT CRYING YOU ARE-

IOREK AND LYRA REUNITING, HER HUGGING HIM IM SOBBING ACTUALLY I LOVE ONE GIRL AND ONE BEAR-

There’s something very special to me about Lyra sitting against Iorek’s flank, I can’t explain how soft it is

“Huh, still a Silvertongue” - asdfghjkl; he’s the one who gave her that name, it’s literally a title he bestowed on her, I love it :’)

Oh no, is Dr Cooper the one from Bolvanger??? Am I remembering correctly???

“Ah yes... you always were easily impressed by what he made” - DAMN I should NOT have cackled like I did

I can’t get over how charged the scenes between Asriel and Marisa are, my goodness-

“The inventor of hideous machines, capable of tearing children apart” - you’re one to talk, remember what you did to Roger????

“But along comes some foul mouthed arrogant little brat with dirt under her fingernails, and ohhh you can love her! You cluck and you settle your feathers over her like a mother hen-” - JESUS I’M-...?!?

The way he slammed her up against the intention craft after she spat at him, his hand on her face... I thought they were gonna kiss, holy SHIT

“Every hideous thing that you’ve done in his name... and it was all a lie” - DAMN, this episode is cutting so deep in all the best ways

It’s the way I know what’s going to happen, I know the knife is fixed, and yet I’m still nervous

“Find what matters!” *glances to Lyra* - oh they are NOT slick, they’re so obvious about this and I’m all for it

Imagine being Will and waking up to see a massive looming bear standing over you, omfg

YAY, the knife is fixed! (I knew it would be but still) I love that it looks more twisted, at least in my opinion

“You will always be a welcome visitor to Svalbard, and the same is true to you, Will. You are worthy of each other. Goodbye, Lyra Silvertongue - I hope we do meet again one day.” - NOT ME CRYING OVER AN ARMOURED BEAR’S RELATIONSHIP WITH A GIRL

Now why is Asriel showing the prisoner angel to Marisa, no good will come of this-?

“He’s beautiful.” “Everyone’s beautiful.” - this plus the way he keeps leaning and shit around her... at this point, everything Asriel has done this episode just straight up seems like him flirting with Marisa lmao

Eyyyy Balthamos is back!!!

Balthamos: so, you ready to go to Asriel yet? // Will: LOL sorry nope 

And just as soon as he was back, he went away again :O

“my mum’s always said if a friend needs help, you should give it” - Will Parry is his mother’s son through and through :’)

“That no doubt depends.” “On what?” “What Asriel does to him.” - oh god he’s gonna fucking kill that angel and cause more chaos, I can feel it

NOT ASRIEL AND MARISA TEAMING UP TO TORTURE THE ANGEL AND DESTROY HIM

Damn even Marisa looks kinda freaked out by Asriel torturing the fucking angel oh my god

LMAO SHE RAN SO FAST TO THE INTENTION CRAFT 

“Goodbye Asriel” should NOT have hit me so hard, oh my goodness

Yeah, no, I don’t think the knife can cut through to the land of the dead? Which makes sense all things considered

OH, the last world he could cut to before the land of the dead is the desert wasteland one from Lyra’s dreams! :O

Pan like “wait, this doesn’t feel safe” and backing away whimpering :’(

IS THE SAD THING GONNA HAPPEN NEXT EPISODE NO NO NO I CANT HANDLE IT

I thought we’d have until like episode 6 or something :’(

Episode 4: Lyra and Her Death

Judging from the title of this episode... FUCK I AM NOT READY WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE’RE AT THIS POINT ALREADY

(If it’s not this episode then it’ll probably be the next one, either way I’m not READY)

Pan: *whimpering* // Lyra: Pan, stop that - :’(

“Then where are everyone’s dæmons?” “We’ve been in plenty of worlds without dæmons before, just get in my pocket and we’ll be fine.” “There are people here who should have dæmons but don’t.” - PAN IS GONNA MAKE ME SOB THIS EPISODE ASDFGHJKL

Not Marisa running straight back to the Magisterium jesus christ girl why

“Good. This is good.” - NO IT FUCKING ISN’T LYRA

“How long do we wait?” “Until you die, of course!” - well, I mean, it IS the land of the dead so...

I genuinely cannot tell what is going on in Gomez’s head at this point O_o he’s so creepy

“Somewhere out there is a tempter, a serpent, and I had to keep them from meeting” - but here’s the thing: the angel told Mary that she was to play the role of serpent, and she and Lyra have already met. But also, Marisa maybe thinks the serpent is Will, which adds a whole new layer to this whole situation???

“And the way he (Asriel) is fighting, Hugh... it’s is terrifying” - oh look, me and Marisa agree on something for once!

“Sometimes your devotion is hard to read” - lmao true

“You have my mind, my body, and my soul (...) He could never resist temptation, whereas you... your abstinence is magnificent” - exCUSE ME WHAT MARISA????

I deadass thought he was about to try and force himself on her then

“Remember what we did together... our lives are entwined” - UMMMM??? I’m not the only one reading into that in a slightly sexual way, right??

Who knew that the waiting area in the land of the dead was like your everyday doctor’s waiting room, complete with grating elevator music??

I both want to know what’s in the chest Gomez gave Marisa and I also do not want to know O_o “it’s how we found you, a kind gift”?

Is there some generational mother-daughter trauma theme going on here or...? Because she said “mother” and he said “she was only too happy to help”, and her response was “of course she was”?

Is Mary in the Mulefa world right now???

“Feels like we’re in a horror film.” “... Why would you want to watch a film that makes you feel horrible?” “...You make a good point.” “I like the film with the bear.” - ASDFGHJKL, THIS WHOLE CONVERSATION XD Also the reference back to S2 where they were watching Paddington omg

“Everyone has a Death. Goes everywhere with them, all their life long.” (Lyra: Isn’t that scary?) (Larissa(?): Not at all, dear. It’s natural) “From the moment you’re born... your Death comes into the world with you. And it’s your Death that takes you out. There’s love in that.” - Pan’s little face :’(

“When you’re ready, they say it’s beautiful. Your Death says, ‘easy now, easy child, you come along with me’. And you go with them, to the boat and the boatman.” - not me getting emotional over the talk of death, fuck me-

Pan retreating back into Lyra’s pocket sadly, like he KNOWS he won’t be allowed to go with them, I hate it here-

DAMN, Marisa slaying in that purple dress with heels, holy shit-

“If you won’t stop...” “You’ll do what, exactly?” *dramatic music stops* “... I’ll fetch support.” “Good. We all need support.” - BAHAHAHAAHAHA This show is a fucking comedy at times oh my god

The fact that any part of the dæmon guillotine design is being reused is horrendous, let alone as a fuckin BOMB

“*casually* Oh. They’re here for me.” - LMAO

“Wait: can we talk about this?” - Will asking the REAL questions here omg let’s not do this please

Lyra: You were on my side. // Pan:... I thought I was by your side.” - STOP RIGHT NOW FUCK YOU

Lyra’s Death is there?!?! And she’s just leaving Will?!

Pan running after Lyra as she walks with her Death, I’m about to sob

Not them taking a lock of Lyra’s hair from Marisa while she sleeps??? And her sending Roke after Gomez, she was pretending to be asleep asdfghjkl

They’re using the lock of Lyra’s hair that Marisa has kept to aim the bomb at Lyra?!? Jesus fucking Christ, and they still think they’re the good guys here???

“I’m always here. I’ve followed you your entire life. I am a special devoted friend who’s been beside you every moment of your life. Who knows you better than anyone. Who knows you better than even you know yourself.” - oh shit

Also Pan being like “that’s not true!”, like he’s so offended by her Death saying that when he’s right there

If I remember correctly, wasn’t Lyra’s Death male in the book? Or...?

“I don’t want to be exceptional. Maybe once I did. My parents... that’s all they care about. I just want to be good. I just want to help someone, and Roger needs me... and I wasn’t there the last time he needed me.” - oh my heart is hurting so bad right now because in S1E02 I’m pretty sure she said to Pan that no one ever thought they’d be exceptional etc, and also the fact she still feels guilt for Roger’s death :’(

I’ve spent 15 years trying to imagine what a mulefa looks like... and now finally I know! Oh my goodness?!?! And it brought Mary food?!?

“You take me into the BEST places, you know that?” - LMAO Will’s so funny when he wants to be

“What else is there left to do?” Oh, I don’t know, Doctor Cooper, maybe NOT make a fricking bomb??? Also eyyyy Roke stung her!

“Arrogance. Sheer arrogance. I underestimated them” - yeah, no kidding, Marisa

Oof Marisa’s on a damn warpath, she’s gonna destroy the Magisterium and I’m so here for it

“What if we don’t come back?” “Then we’ll have died doing something important” - I’m way too emotional for this episode, I’m already losing my mind and emotions and I know it’s just going to get worse and worse :’(

Marisa calling out MacPhail as a sinner oh this is delicious the tea is so delicious today

“You have no right here; you are a wanton woman who has always wanted what she didn’t have. Your husband was killed by your lover, the heretic Asriel, and your illegitimate child was abandoned until she became sin itself.” - OH DAMN

“You will address me as Father President or Your Grace” - damn, man is on a freaking power trip?!?!

“I’m sorry? This is where your loyalty lies? Not with that above? Not with truth but with power?” - Marisa is spilling ALL the truth today oh my lord she did not come to play around

“This is all you really are: an incoherent, emotional woman. Why should anyone trust you? You can barely string a sentence together” - OH YOU LIL BITCH I’M ABOUT TO THROW THESE HANDS

He took her locket?!? 

“And when we sever your dæmon, you will be the bullet to kill Lyra Belacqua and to save us all from sin” - on the one hand, isn’t it ironic that her own dæmon severing technology is about to be used on her? But on the other, this man is one cruel motherfucker and I’m raging right now, FUCK this dude

“Take her to the cells... and bring her dæmon to me” - nah man, I’m about to be sick, fuck these motherfuckers. Fucking MEN, AM I RIGHT

Oh no. Oh no no no we’re at the docks and Pan is whimpering already I’m not strong enough today for this-

“I’m sorry, one of your party is unsuitable for travel at this time” - NO NO NO NO NO NO NO-

“We have to follow the rules. A pain, but necessary. No passage. Not for him.” “But he is me.” “If you come, he must stay.” “I don’t think you understand, if we separate we die.” “But isn’t that what you want?” - I’m really about to be crying at 2:30am over Lyra and Pan again aren’t I????

Pan running away because he knows Lyra will follow and he thinks it will stop it from happening, my HEART

“No, that’s not right, I don’t leave part of myself behind, why should she?” “Yes, you do, absolutely, you do. It’s her misfortune - or luck - to be able to see and talk to the part she must leave. You will not know until you are in the water, and by that time fortunately - or unfortunately - it will be too late for you to do anything about it. But you must all leave that part of yourselves here.” - NO NO NO NO NO I’m just going to keep chanting it until it stops fUCK

“We’re gonna get on the boat. Don’t worry.” “Lyra, you’re not listening to him, he won’t let us.” - AND LYRA BRINGING PAN ON THE BOAT TRYING TO CONVINCE HIM :’(((( she even tries to pull the thing herself but she can’t, I’m siCK-

“We can’t separate... we can’t...” :( :( 

“I’ve taken millions across... none have come back.” “We will. You don’t know Lyra and you don’t know me, but we’ll find a way. Another way. So since we’re doing that, be kind, boatman. Let her take her dæmon.” - Will trying so hard to get them to take Pan, even brandishing the knife, but it’s not happening asdfghjkl

“How many ages do you think I’ve been ferrying people? Do you think if anything could hurt me, it wouldn’t have happened already? You think the people I carry come with me gladly?! No, they struggle, they cry, they bribe, they threaten, they fight! Nothing works!” - :(

The entirety of the Lyra and Pan exchange had me outloud sobbing, clutching my chest in pain, I’ve got to share it all with you...

Lyra: I don’t want you leave you here.

Pan: We can still turn around.

Lyra: But I can’t not do this.

Pan: You can, Lyra.

Lyra: What about Roger? And Sal? They never got a chance to grow up.

Pan: But it’s not Roger and Sal, is it? Roger’s dead, and Sal is gone! And it won’t be Lyra and Pan, you’re leave me here, alone! What will I do?

Lyra: But our dreams…

Pan: I didn’t have those dreams! They were your dreams, I didn’t even want to come here! This is your choice!

Lyra: But we’re together…

Pan: Not if you do this.

Lyra: Please… I can’t betray Roger. It’s my fault he’s dead and now he needs me.

Pan: I need you too! Why can’t you see that? … Where will I go?

Lyra: I’ll find you… okay? I will go to the Land of the Dead and I’ll come back, and I’ll find you. I’m not leaving you… ‘Kay? I’m not leaving you, not forever. Will and me will find a way out of here, and we’ll go to Asriel’s, somehow you’ve got to get there too, but I have to do this.

Pan:… Then you’ve made up your mind. You’ve chosen Roger over me.

Lyra: No, Pan… please don’t, don’t… please… there’s no other way. I’ve got to… I love you.

Pan:… Just… go.

The way Lyra turned her head to watch him, the way Pan came up to the very edge of the dock and started crying, the two of them watching each other as they drifted further and further apart, the soundtrack... I am a fucking MESS

“My heart...” 😭💔

Lyra’s pained screams oh my GOD and Will holding her I’m not OKAY

Episode 5: No Way Out

My heart is already broken from last episode, I don’t know how much worse I can feel at this point 😭

Oh good, we’re starting with mulefa hijinks! (Sort of)

Mary stopping and having a moment of “what am I doing?… following a talking elephant” 🤣

IT SKATING AROUND ON PODS ASDFGHJKL

Lyra and Will: *having literally the worst times of their lives* // Mary: *playing with the Mulefa and living her best life*

The Mulefa having their own language oh my god and the orange subtitles fading to the white English ones omg because she’s learning their language

Baby Mulefa 😭❤️

Oof we’re right back to pain 🤡

“What does it feel like, being this far away from him? From Pan?” “It’s like an iron hand is gripped around my heart and is yanking it out between my ribs.” “And it’s mental too, right? As if some private secret thing’s been dragged out into the open?” “…yeah.” — 😭

“You know, you always said I must have a dæmon and I never believed you… and now it feels like I’ve known her my whole life. Maybe she’s with Pan now.” - ASDFGHJKL KIRJAVA IS COMING IM-

“Wait. If my dæmon’s still at the jetty, can you give him a message?” “I can tell you now, he won’t be.” 😭😭😭😭

Oooh Land of the Dead here we go!

I’m still curious as to why exactly Marisa and the monkey can separate so far? Have they already been intercised or something? Like they can REALLY go far from each other 🤔

“They intend to sever you from your dæmon!” “… Good.” — EXCUSE ME MARISA???? She really hates the little thing doesn’t she, damn

“It’s not made of rock… it’s made of people’s things” - oh damn

Oh my gosh the dead 😭

“They don’t like it if we talk to each other.” “Who don’t?” - OH SHIT THE HARPIES

The little dead children talking about their dæmons 😭 “Mine was called Sandling. He used to think he’d be a bird, but I hoped he wouldn’t because I liked him all furry.” “My Kasta used to curl up in my hand and go to sleep.” “Mine was called Matapan” 😭😭

Not MacPhail going to touch the monkey but being interrupted by Father Gomez schooling him on how it’s forbidden 💀

HE JUST SLAPPED GOMEZ OMG

Nooo not her losing Will

NOT HER THINKING SHE SEES PAN NOOO ITS NOT REAL

“You left me on the jetty to die (…) I’ve always known deep down how selfish you are. You really believe you’re here for Roger - you already killed him. You came here for you, to assuage your guilt, to play the hero” - 😭😭😭😭 I know it’s not really Pan but still my heART

ROGER 😭💔

“I missed you. I’m so sorry, about everything. I should have let you go with the Gyptians and the kids… I shouldn’t have taken you to Asriel. If I’d have let you go, you wouldn’t be here, would you? You’d be…” “It wasn’t your fault. I wanted to go with you.” — 😭 my heart is a literal mess I’m blubbering

“Stop it! You think I want to go back to the real world? Like this?” - oh Roger…

Will not being able to cut a window out and it sounding like the knife is being grated over rock 😳

NOT THE HARPIES THIS IS NIGHTMARE FUEL IM-

“What kind of son abandons his own mother?” - SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP-

“You have destroyed the lives of everyone you’ve ever cared for… you’ve come here for you, to feel special… if only Will had never met you” - I would very much like to go back to Jordan College and rooftop adventures now thanks-

“I thought about us, and everything we’ve been through… I didn’t let them get into my head” 😭❤️💔

Not Fra Pavel deducing that Mary is the serpent and she’s in another world, and now Gomez is going to go after her 💀

Oh damn, the imagery of the snake and Eve painting(?) in the background as Gomez prepares himself

I SAW A GLIMPSE OF AMBER IS IT- IS IT TIME FOR THE SPYGLASS

MARY IS MAKING THE SPYGLASS THIS IS MY CHILDHOOD COMING TOGETHER

Oh. My. God. The view through the lens of Dust… ‘Sraf’ is Dust… oh my god. This is beautiful. The colours are beautiful.

“The trees are dying.” “And so are we.” 😭

“What do you remember about Jordan? You remember it, don’t you?” “… Jordan’s gone.” - stop that right nOW

Not the flashback to the very first episode of them in the cellar drinking Tokay 😭

The light appearing as they remember Jordan College together, talking about the roof and the rook with the broken leg 😭❤️ and all the dead people coming to listen, I’m gonna start bawling all over again

Lyra and Will speaking to the crowd and promising to try to get them out of this horrible world, rallying them 😭

“What will happen to us if we leave?” “I don’t know.” “You don’t know? If I will or won’t be able to see my son again?” “We can’t know until it happens - I’m not gonna lie or pretend. But in here, it’s just thoughts; out there, real things matter.”

“When we were alive, they told us that when we died, we’d go to Heaven. That’s why so many of us gave our lives, and spent years in prayer and silence, and all the joy of life went to waste around us. I don’t care what happens to us when we leave - anything is better than this.” - damn, this series really said fuck religion and fuck the church making people spend their lives in servitude/repenting for sins they haven’t even done

Damn, the harpies are NOT happy

“Will you tell us some stories? So we can remember too? Real things.” Ohh no, no, I will not cry over this, I will not cry over Lyra and Roger talking about Jordan College-

“I won every time.” “No she didn’t, she cheated every time” - yep, sounds like Lyra to me

Lyra recounting how she made the omelette with the shells in for Will 🤣

Lyra talking about Iorek 😭❤️

I have absolutely no love for that blasted monkey but seeing him all sad in the cage as they’re about to be severed… definitely made me feel sad, can’t believe I feel sorry for him

It looks like Marisa’s been strapped to an electric chair, like she’s about to be executed, and the imagery of that is 👌🏻

“When we created this technology together, you believed you were doing the right thing - we all did. But we were wrong. It has to stop.” - Damn, you don’t say! Of course it was wrong to sever children, glad you see that finally-

“Do not explain my own technology to me.” - OOF

“You still have time to repent - let me give you your final blessing” - MAN DO NOT FUCKIN TOUCH HER YOU FREAK

“Keep your hands off me… there’s too much blood on them for that.” - DAMN, MARISA

Everyone listening to Lyra’s stories 😭❤️

“… But you felt safe with Mr Scoresby. He was the first grown up I ever trusted.” - STOP THAT RIGHT NOW IM ALREADY CRYING I DONT NEED TO CRY AGAIN

“I will come with you. We… We will come with you.” - YESSSS

HOLY FUCK THE HARPY DESIGN IS SICKENINGLY HORRIFYING DEAR GOD AND THE WAY IT WENT RIGHT UP TO LYRA’S FACE

“What’s your name? You must have one.” “… No-Name.” - Oh gosh I think I remember more of the book now hang on

LEE SCORESBY AHHHHHHHH

LEE AND LYRA HUGGING 😭❤️ MY HEART I CANNOT BEAR THIS

LYRA DIDNT KNOW LEE DIED 😭 and he thought she was dead but he was so relieved she wasn’t 😭

“You found the Knife Bearer - you beat the shaman to it. Lyra Silvertongue, just when I thought you couldn’t blow my little mind enough times” - 😭❤️ I missed Lee so much ASDFGHJKL

IS THAT METATRON??? ENOCH??? OH MY GODDDDD

“If she had only stayed with us, and given her life to the Authority as she once intended, she would now be on the path to the kingdom” - oh my god MacPhail shut the fuck UP

Come on rOKE HURRY UP AND SAVE HER

NOT THE INTERCISION MACHINE V2 AND THE MONKEY LOOKING SCARED

Dr Cooper having second thoughts omg

SHE STOPPED IT LAST MINUTE OH GOD THE GASP I LET OUT

“… I will not be a part of this (…) I will not hurt her.” - YES DOCTOR DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR ONCE IN YOUR MISERABLE LIFE

FATHER MACPHAIL STRAIGHT UP MURDERED DR COOPER HOLY SHIT-

The Church REALLY are not coming across well here

NO NOT ROKE LEAVE HIM ALONE

KILL HIM MARISA KILL THAT BASTARD RELIGIOUS MAN

OKAY BUT YES ALSO TURN OFF THE MACHINE PLEASE DESTROY IT IF YOU CAN I CANT BREATHE THIS IS TOO TENSE

FATHER MACPHAIL COMMITTING SUICIDE AND SACRIFICING HIMSELF HES FUCKING INSANE IM SORRY THE HATRED HE HAS FOR LYRA IS THAT STRONG???

Thank FUCK she stopped the machine last minute although I kinda wish MacPhail had died lmao

THE LIGHT HOLY CRAP-

“You think Dust can make you Gods… let use see how you fare without it.” - OH SHIT OH SHIT

THE MACHINE SEVERED MACPHAIL AND HIS DAEMON AND SHE DISAPPEARED

NOOOOO NOT THE BOMB NOT THE BOMB TELL ME THAT AINT THE BOMB-

I know she’s not dead, I’ve read the book, plus there’s still 3 episodes left, I’m still freaking out though

Episode 6: The Abyss

Three more episodes and then it’s all over 😭 I don’t know if I’m ready for it to be honest

“In the beginning, Man was given the gift of Dust. It ignited his mind and freed his will. But that free will has corrupted mankind. Dust shall be drawn into eternal darkness once more… That which was given shall be taken away.” - oh my gOD what a narration to start an episode Jesus Christ (pardon the pun)

Marisa dragging herself across the floor to get to Lyra’s hair???

Please tell me Roke isn’t dead 😭 (spoiler: he is)

Marisa going to Fra Pavel with the hair and asking him to consult the Alethiometer on whether or not Lyra survived 😭

I still get chills at the opening theme, ngl, like we’re three whole series in and I’m STILL feeling chills seeing the opening credits

Eyyyy Serafina Pekkala!!!

The earth is literally crumbling apart and Asriel’s laughing 🫢

MARISA AND THE MONKEY ARE BACK AT ASRIEL’S

Stelmaria just being like “… It’s her”, as if there’s only one “her”

“She’s dead, Asriel. Lyra is dead.” - NOOOOOO OH NO NO NO

Nahh Asriel is so unbothered about Lyra being dead???

“Would you like me to tell you how your daughter died, or would you prefer to keep tinkering with your toys?” “If what you’re saying is true, I’m very sorry. But what I’m doing here is of the utmost importance - it’s going to change everything.” - DUDE YOUR DAUGHTER IS DEAD (or so it’s thought at the moment) HOW ARE YOU SO UNBOTHERED

Like we knew he was a shit father but YIKES

Marisa straight up telling Asriel it’s his fault their daughter is dead because he pissed off Metatron with his war crime, she disabled the bomb but the light triggered it… DAMN. Just… damn.

“You’ve taken my daughter from me… and I will never forgive you.” - ☹️😔

Roger trying to wake Lyra up 😭 thankfully she does wake but still-

Stelmaria telling Asriel he shouldn’t go down there, it’s reckless… Mate, listen to your fucking dæmon once in a while please, she got all the sense the two of you possess and you’ve got none I fear-

WHAT’S HAPPENING TO RUTA’S DÆMON HE DROPPED LIKE A STONE INTO THE ABYSS (the one where Asriel is)

“He can’t hear me…” “Stay with him” “I can’t stop him, the darkness is drawing him in…” - NO NO NO NO

Noooo SERGEI (her dæmon) DIED AND SO DID RUTA FUCK SAKE MAN

Lyra and Lee hugging again because they’re so happy to see each other okay 😭❤️ truly a better father to her than her own one ever was

Is there an abyss in each of the worlds? 🤔 because there’s one in the land of the dead too as well as where Asriel is

Will panicking because he’s scared he won’t be able to get these people out, and Lyra taking his face in her hands, “Look at me, look at me, look at me… it’s fine. We’re going to get out of here. It’s just… this chasm. I can feel it too. Look at me.” 😭

Lee whooping when Lyra jumped that chasm, we love a proud father!

Roger and Will disagreeing over who should go next and Lee just doing it instead 😂

“I am Serafina Pekkala, Queen of the Lake Enara clan, and I demand to know what happened to my sister” - YES WITCH QUEEN 👑

“It pains me to tell you both that what happened to Ruta was not death, but worse again. That abyss out there is a rupture in the multiverse, sucking all Dust deep down inside the void between the worlds. I bore witness to her dæmon Sergei falling inside… and it is my belief, that no being, flesh or Dust, will ever emerge from its darkness.” “… so there will be no peace for her? Part of her soul, forever falling… forever in limbo…” — NOPE, NO, NOOO 😭💔 poor Ruta I hate it here

(Turning to Asriel) “… You did this.” “No.” “Your arrogance, PLAYING WITH FORCES YOU HAVE NO CONCEPT OF!” - SHIT SHES RIGHT THOUGH

Sorry, what the FUCK are those things beneath them with the glowing eyes???

“We’ve seen worse. Do you remember when we freed the kids from Bolvanger? And then the three of us and Iorek squashed into Lee’s balloon and just flew away?” - lmao bless

“Iorek’s this armoured bear-.” “I know who he is, I’ve met him.” - damn, there’s some tension here between Roger and Will? Or is it just me?

“Can’t imagine him (Iorek) in a balloon though” - LMFAO

“It wasn’t just any balloon… it was a real beauty” - DAMN RIGHT IT WAS LEE

Is Will a little jealous of Lyra and Roger walking together and reminiscing or…???

“Hey, did I ever tell you about the crazy shaman who made me a bacon sandwich?” - OH MY GOD LEE 😂 (also it’s been a while since S2, but I think he’s talking about John Parry???)

Marisa really thinks she’s allowed to just leave 💀

Marisa telling Ogunwe that Lyra is dead, and him saying “Asriel didn’t tell me”, it hits hard because he has daughters of his own and I just know he’s probably confused because surely Asriel would have mentioned his own child dying but nOPE

Marisa yelling at the monkey to come and he just… doesn’t? He just walks away? Their dynamic is so interesting but in a messed up way

Will is looking for his father and he wants to be sure that his father will find his way out 😭

Lee realising that Will is the shaman’s son oh my GOD?!? And he thinks he has a way to summon him??? Oh I love Lee so much

“Are you sure about this?” - Stelmaria asking the only real questions

IOREK!!! 🐻‍❄️

IOREK STRAIGHT UP SMACKING ASRIEL DOWN WHEN HE APPROACHED LMFAO I LOVE HIM

Wait this is SVALBARD??? All the ice and snow has disappeared?!? And it’s all Asriel’s fault?!?

“My bears starve because you blew a hole in the sky!” - oh shit!

“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t KILL YOU!” “LYRA SILVERTONGUE!” “Why do you speak to me of her?” “You renamed her. You loved her. Tell me of her.” “She is everything you are not.” “Perhaps I should have known her better. But she is gone, and if you kill me now she will never be avenged.” — this whole exchange 😭 Iorek loves Lyra so much, Asriel saying he should have known her better (no shit, sir)…

“You do not understand. Lyra went to the Land of the Dead.” “The Land of the…?” “Yes. But she walked in the line.” “How did she enter that place?” “With the knife.” “The knife is broken.” “I fixed it. She went after her friend, Roger.” “… the kitchen boy.” “Another reason why I should kill you!” - IOREK GETS IT ASDFGHJKL HE’S A BETTER FATHER THAN ASRIEL EVER WAS FUCK ASRIEL WE ONLY LOVE IOREK AND LEE AS FATHER FIGURES NOW

Asriel laughing because “my daughter is staging a prison break” 💀

NOOO NOT LYRA FALLING INTO THE ENDLESS ABYSS

THE HARPY SAVING LYRA FROM FALLING INTO THE ABYSS HOLY SHIT

Marisa telling Serafina about torturing that witch in detail, Jesus CHRIST, she literally wants Serafina to kill her at this point :( but Serafina sees right through it of course

“If you won’t do it out of anger… then please just do it out of mercy.” - 😭 now why am I sympathising with Marisa

“Love… makes us fragile in ways we cannot fathom.” “I didn’t love Lyra. I wasn’t able to” - SURE you didn’t love her, Marisa 🙄

“Even my own dæmon rejects me” - yeah no can’t say I blame him honestly

Serafina talking about how she lost her son that she had with Farder Coram 😭 and how Lyra gave her hope

“When I first heard that prophecy, it terrified me. (…) Because I was always taught to believe that Eve was guilty of something shameful.” - yep, religion will do that to you!

“All Eve did was dare to experience - it’s an act of bravery. Of great beauty. You were a monster, but look what experience did to you… what love did. It changed you.” - oh my god the religion criticism is on point today holy crap

Will hugging Lyra and asking if she’s okay 😭❤️

Lyra wanting to give the harpy a name to thank it 😭

“Names can’t just be given!” “Mine was… by a friend.” - exactly, Lyra!

“Gracious-Wings.” — … Interesting name, Lyra but okay

“You can’t take it back now!” - I have NO intention to and neither does Lyra 😳

The harpies kinda do make me sad because like… they don’t have names. They’re frightening to look at. They live in the land of the dead. They’re trapped just as much as the ghosts are, and feared for how they look which probably contributes to their behaviour. So Lyra showing some kindness must be a brand new experience for them.

“You cannot tell the story of my name if you do not get out.” “… You like stories, don’t you? True ones.” - ohhhhhhhhh I get it! Awww, so Gracious-Wings wants Lyra to escape, not only because she’s been listening to her stories but also because Lyra can then tell the living about Gracious-Wings and the truth that she’s not so scary/completely evil, so maybe people when they die will be less afraid to meet her? Idk

“True stories are nourishing. They feed us, we had no idea there was anything but lies and wickedness.” “If those who follow behind tell you everything they saw in the world, everything true… could you guide them here so they could be set free?” - god I forgot how deep and clever this whole section was in the book

“Do not lie to me.” “I won’t.” - for once, I actually do believe she’s telling the truth

“Do we have a deal? The prisoners’ safe passage in exchange for their stories?” - YESSS OMG

“It’s alright, they’re going to help us! Just tell them your stories - stories from your lives, and they’ll guide you up. Tell them stories.” - nahhh I’m not crying you are 😭

Asriel telling Marisa Lyra is still alive but she doesn’t believe him at first 😭

“It makes sense: the Authority cows us with the threat of heaven or hell but even that was a lie, it’s all purgatory.”

“Please… my heart won’t take it.” - this woman has gone through so much, she’s not a good person but damn she’s gone through a lot

“You said yourself, she’s extraordinary… to free a soul from the Land of the Dead” - well you’ve changed your fucking tune

“The witches prophecy… they believe two things about Lyra: that she is Eve, and she will defeat Death. (Smiling/Laughing) That’s what she’s doing. The prophecy is right. We must help her, Asriel.” - ASRIEL AND MARISA ACTUALLY WORKING TOGETHER FOR REAL THIS TIME?!? Like actual parents?!? Who’d have thought 😭

“There’s someone here to see you.” - LEE BROUGHT JOHN PARRY TO WILL IM CRYING ALL OVER AGAIN ARE YOU SERIOUS

“I hate fighting. I’m not who you want me to be.” “No… no, you’re so much more.” - AND THEN THE HUG 🥹😭

“All this time, I thought that when we eventually found each other… we could go back to Oxford together.” “I did too.” - 😭😭😭 they deserve so much better, I can’t-

“If we get out of this awful place…” “We won’t be going the same way.” 😭

I’m sorry, okay, this whole episode is just one big CRYFEST AT THIS POINT

Lyra saying she thought Roger was braver than her 😭

“I don’t even know if I can do anything. I’m just so tired, and my chest…” “Because you’re away from your dæmon. Separation across worlds weakens your bond, Will. She’s pining for you.” “How do you know?” “I guided her to Asriel’s republic. As soon as you release these ghosts, you must cut through and find her, Will.” - KIRJAVA IS COMING WE’RE GOING TO MEET KIRJAVA ASDFGHJKL

“Don’t try to live in a world that’s not your own. No matter how tempting it may seem. You and your dæmon… you won’t survive it.” “But you did.” “No. I felt it, like an ache, every day. Don’t make the same mistake that I did. You deserve a full life with your mother.” 😭❤️ but also foreshadowing what will happen at the end of the series I feel unwell-

“What will happen to you?” “The same that will happen to every soul trapped down here: I’ll be free. I’ll be connected again to every living thing, thanks to you.” - Damn, right in the feels 😭

John telling Will he’s so proud of him and them hugging 😭❤️💔

Serafina saying she’s gonna send Kaisa to search for Pan because she knows that Pan can’t enter the Land of the Dead and so he’ll still be there, I’m so ready!!

“If it is true, and Lyra is going to free the dead, she and Will will have achieved something remarkable… far beyond your rebellion. Lyra is your focus now. Do not fail her.” — YESSSSSSS come on Asriel and Marisa, be good parents for once

WILL DID IT HE CUT A WINDOW OUT OF THE LAND OF THE DEAD AHHHH, and it’s opened out onto a beautiful paradise ❤️

“My dad said you’ll be free. You’ll drift apart, but you’ll be out in the open - connected with everything to love.” - 😭❤️

ROGER SAYING HE’LL GO FIRST ASDFGHJKL AND LYRA SAYING SHE’LL MISS HIM SO MUCH

“You’ll be okay. I know you will. You’ve saved your best friend. When you go back to Jordan, go to the roof for me.” - AND THE FOREHEAD TOUCH 😭❤️

“I’m ready” 😭😭😭 GOODBYE ROGER

AND THEN LEE SCORESBY HUGGING HER, “No need for that, it’s okay” because she’s crying, “thank you”, tipping his hat to Will

“I’m gonna be with my Hester” - SHUT THE FUCK UP RIGHT NOW 😭❤️

I’m literally just full on sobbing at this point like my heart can’t take anymore at this point and there’s still TWO episodes left 😭

Marisa asking her monkey if she can sit with him?!? They’re so disconnected despite being the same person, I can’t-

“It hurts when we’re apart. I pretend that it doesn’t. That first time I sent you away… it was awful. I don’t know why I do it. At first I think it was curiosity… But now it’s become something else. A way to not feel what I can’t bear. I used to think that I was the strong one… but I was wrong. It was you. All along. I am so very sorry. Please… come back to me.” - NOOO WHY AM I HAVING EMOTIONS OVER MARISA AND THE DAMN DEMON GOLDEN MONKEY?!? AND THEM HOLDING HANDS?!?

Asriel and Marisa standing with their dæmons together… damn. Shit must be serious if the two of them are together on something

“The final rebellion has begun.” - OH SHIT HERE WE GOOOO

Episode 7: The Clouded Mountain

Two episodes left… 😬

Before we get into the episode, quick prediction: I feel like this episode is going to largely focus more on Asriel/Marisa and maybe bring that story to a close, and then the last one will be more Lyra/Will centric? Idk, we’ll see!

“We just have to keep Metatron’s forces away from the girl and the boy long enough for them to be reunited with their dæmons, to get to a safe world and… fall.” - oooooohhh

“How can you possibly know the nature of Metatron’s attack?” - LMFAO arguing like a married couple I see-

Okay, I was wrong, we are seeing Lyra and Will in this episode!

Will planning to get their dæmons himself and Lyra can wait in the nice world and he’ll meet her there 💀

“We’ve come this far and you still don’t understand: we’re in this together.” - 👏🏻

Every scene with Marisa and Asriel just seems like they’re flirting lmao

“I’ve given the girl nothing but at the very least I can buy her time” - 😭

“You’d do that for her?” “Not just her.” - THE WAY HE MOVED EVEN CLOSER TO HER ASDFGHJKL THEY ABOUT TO KISS OR SOMETHING

“Even if you get him to the abyss, you do understand it’s not just death down there? It’s eternal oblivia.” - DAMN, he’s committed I’ll give him that

“Your love for Lyra is your salvation and your downfall. When you think of her, I can read you as easily as a reflection in still water.” 😮

“Right, so we are doomed.” - Basically, yeah.

“Some of us will die today” - NOT A GREAT WAY TO OPEN AN INSPIRATIONAL SPEECH, ASRIEL 💀

Asriel is really on a mission to kill God in this series, that’s it summed up

“But thanks to my daughter, thanks to Lyra, we need no longer fear that fate! From today death is no longer an ending but a journey back into life!” - okay I take it back, his speech is pretty good

“Our children shall experience paradise but they will know it down here on the earth… today, we are free!” - YESSSSS 🙌🏻

OH SHIT is that Metatron’s soldiers/forces?!?

“I’m glad I said we didn’t have to win this fight” - LMAO

THE ANGEL KNEW LYRA AND WILL WERE CUTTING THROUGH AHHHH AND NOW ASRIEL’S ATTACKING LET’S GOOOO

It’s the way Lyra knew Pan and Will’s dæmon will be looking after each other 😭

“Metatron is releasing the dæmon eaters - he is turning all creatures against us” - AH HELL FUCKING NO

Are they the same as Spectres?!?

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD NO THIS IS MORE NIGHTMARE FUEL

YES MARISA DOING HER PART AND TRYING TO GET RID OF THEM BECAUSE SHE HAS CONTROL OVER THEM

“I’ve found Pantalaimon” - Oh my god YES give Pan back to me please

To be fair I don’t blame Will and Lyra for not immediately blindly trusting Ogunwe at this point, barely anyone is trustworthy in this series at this point

RED PANDA PAN

“They left us.” “I know. But they’ve come back for you.” - 😭❤️

AHHH KIRJAVA AND SHES A BEAUTIFUL CAT WHEN WE FIRST SEE HER AHHHHH

They can both still change but still AHHHHH SOON

“All I know is Asriel’s proud of you” - yeah, he just has a shit way of showing it

These noises are straight out a horror movie oh my GOD THE FUCK ARE THOSE THINGS THOSE GHAST-Y THINGS

Not Metatron (?) whispering into all of their heads asdfghjkl

Metatron telling Marisa she should join him and her and the monkey having this moment, “you know what to do” 😭 and he looks like he’s gonna follow her because he puts his paw on the bridge but he doesn’t 😭 can’t believe I’m having emotions have that goddamn demon monkey

ASRIEL CALLING FOR STELMARIA AND THEN MARISA INSIDE METATRON’S PALACE(?)/FORTRESS 😭

Can I just say that the visuals are STUNNING, oh my goodness I’m literally in awe of this imagery and the visuals it’s far better than 10 year old me imagined

Marisa saying that she loves Lyra and hates that she does 😭

Metatron taking on Asriel’s form so now we’ve got James McAvoy vs James McAvoy, truly Multiverse of Madness 💀

“No one cares for you.” “Marisa does.” - the way my jaw dropped, oh my

Not Asriel calling for Marisa 😭 no I will NOT ship them, I refuse-

“You care for her still? If only you knew the disdain in which she holds you. She’s giving you up.” “No… never… I love her.” - oh my god?!?!?

“She would never betray me…” “I can give you Asriel. He’s trying to protect her.” - NOOO DO NOT DO IT

HE KNEW SHE WAS CLOSE BY HE KNEW IT IM-

“Marisa, no…” - GIRL DO NOT DO IT I SWEAR

“Your dæmons are in the tower - cut them through to a safe world. I’ll find you wherever you are.” - I’m starting to remember how the book ends and my heart is hurting, it’s coming so soon…

“So… you did come.” - YES SHE DID PAN 😭 please forgive her

WILL SEEING KIRJAVA FOR THE FIRST TIME 😭❤️ and her going “… Will.” 🥹

“How could you bear it? Leaving me behind?” 😭

“We should be together. Please.” But the damage is done… if you’ve read TSC, you know 😭

What is that monkey doing? Is he helping them escape? HE PULLED THE LEVER ASDFGHJKL

“For Lyra.” 😭❤️

MARISA HELPING ASRIEL UP, ASRIEL AND MARISA GRAPPLING WITH METATRON TOGETHER, and then STELMARIA RUNNING AND JUMPING AND THEM ALL TUMBLING INTO THE ABYSS 😭😭😭💔💔💔 IT HAPPENED IT HAPPENED IVE BEEN WAITING YEARS-

The monkey and Lyra looking at each other 😭 and she knows, she knows her mother has helped them-

NOT STELMARIA FADING TO DUST 😭

LYRA AND THE MONKEY REACHING OUT FOR EACH OTHER AND HE STARTS FADING AWAY NO NO NO

NOT ME GETTING UPSET AND CRYING OVER THAT DAMN BASTARD GOBLIN POS MONKEY 😭😭😭

Lyra having to wipe her eyes 😭 same, me too-

I knew this episode would end the Asriel/Marisa/Metatron storyline, I just knew it

“Cloud’s gone. It’s all gone. The war’s over.” 🥺😭

I know we’ve still got an episode left but I’m already weeping because I’ve waited 15 years for this adaptation to come, to see this whole trilogy adapted right, and now it’s happened

Ogunwe seeing his daughters 🥹

“Can we go now? I wanna see Pan.” - YES 😭👏🏻

DAMN ONE EPISODE LEFT

Episode 8: The Botanic Garden

Just from the title alone I know this is going to cause me pain but let’s DO IT

Damn, they didn’t even do a recap on this episode (or at least my iPlayer didn’t?)

LAST TIME LETS GO WE DIE LIKE (WO)MEN

Lyra waking up and the first thing she asks for is Pan 🥺

Also Lyra going for a swim because she’s all dirty, don’t blame her quite frankly

“After everything we’ve been through and now we’re here… doesn’t seem real” - same

Lyra knows her mother is dead :(

“I should be relieved… there’s so many things I don’t understand about my parents (…) like why they weren’t honest with me. Why they did such horrible things. Why wasn’t she interested in me for 13 years and then suddenly she was… why did they abandon me?” 😭😭😭

Lyra saying she doesn’t hate Asriel but can’t forgive him, and “I have the strangest feeling he’s gone… which means I’m alone” 😭 and Will saying no she’s not ❤️

Will splashing her and then jumping in 😂

“What?” “Nothing… I’m just glad you washed” LMFAO

“She doesn’t look like she misses me. She seems fine.” - oh Pan :(

“Think how good it will be to be with them again. To be close.” - Kirjava ❤️

“What if it doesn’t feel the same? What if it never does?” “Lyra loves you. We’re finally in the same world, we’re safe here.” - 1) I’m sad because of TSC all over again and 2) I’m sad because I know how this ends

NOT FATHER GOMEZ I FORGOT ABOUT HIM ASDFGHJKL

No but where did the clean clothes come from???

“But there’s someone else we need to meet.” - IS IT MARY??

“I don’t feel torn apart, and I know he’s safe.” - 😭🥹

AHHH LYRA AND WILL SEEING THE MULEFA HERD AND BEING LIKE “they’re riding on wheels!”

I like that Will’s reaction to this new creature speaking a different language is just “… Hello :D”, I love him

MARY AND LYRA REUNION 😭❤️

Mary going “oh god look at you” because Lyra is so grown up 😭

Oh my gOD FATHER GOMEZ FUCK OFF ALREADY

I wanna squash his dæmon, I don’t care, I wanna squish it and murder it

Not him shooting and killing the local wildlife, fuck you dude

“They have less Sraf than you” - ahhh because they’re still teenagers and Mary is an adult, and Dust is what causes dæmons to settle/kids to become adults, I get it

“No pods, poor things” - XD

“I’ve been all over the place but I think this is my favourite world” - same, Lyra, same, it’s so peaceful

“How do you treat a tree with respect?” - quite easily I think, Will???

“We have the stupid idea as humans that we’re the pinnacle of evolution, but we’ve got so much wrong” — 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

“It’s the answer to the question to the question you asked me in Oxford - whether Dust is sin (…) it’s the spark that means we’re alive, it’s consciousness.” “So Dust isn’t sin… it’s just as good or bad as we are.” 👏🏻🥹

The trees dying is truly heartbreaking omg 😭💔

“It’s the Dust disappearing. It’s just flooding out of the world: thought, imagination, feeling all blowing away” 😭💔

There’s got to be a way of saving it, surely…? Like this world can’t just disappear??

“… So when Pan’s a wolverine, you know you’ve pissed her off” OMFG 💀🤣

“Like a nun-nun from our world?” Will omg 😅

“Mary, tell them stories” - YES PLEASE DO

Mary’s story oh my god

“And then I met someone… she wasn’t like the other academics” - LESBIAN MARY MALONE I REPEAT LESBIAN MARY MALONE

“Years ago when I was at school, those butterflies in the pit of my stomach, that ache to be close to someone… I think I had just been too afraid to recognise it before, but I didn’t want to forget it this time.” - AND THE SHOTS OF WILL AND LYRA AHHHHH

“I knew I couldn’t go back to the convent after that, I just couldn’t bear the idea of living without ever feeling that alive. And I thought… will anyone be better off if I just go back to the hotel and say my prayers, and promise to never fall into temptation again? And the answer came back… no. No one will. And I realised, there was no one there to reward me for being a good girl or no one there to punish me for being wicked. There was no one. And it was… it was liberating.” — the fact that Mary is Irish adds a whole other layer to it because of the whole “Irish Catholic guilt” thing, but also just in general… wow. Just wow.

“I wanted to experience love. (L: And did you?)… yeah. (W: Were you scared?) Oh my god, I was terrified. I was risking everything and I was sure I’d be rejected, but… it was worth it. It’s rare when it happens, when you feel that way you have to grab it. It’s funny, isn’t it? One little moment… all she did was offer me a sweet and it changed my life forever. For the first time I was doing something with all of my nature, not just a part of it.” — I CANNOT TAKE IT, THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL

I can’t get over the looks between Lyra and Will, I knew it was happening obviously because of the books but stILL to actually see it onscreen???

“Where are you, Pan? There’s so many things I want to talk to you about.” 😭

Dear GOD DUDE FATHER GOMEZ GO AWAY IM SO DONE WITH YOU

Oh Mary totally knows something is going on between them even if they don’t yet

“What if she settles as something really bad, like… a mosquito or a slug or a fish?” “I heard of a man whose dæmon was a dolphin, but he’s a sailor so it’s fine” - I REMEMBER THAT STORY ABOUT THAT MAN FJDKDKDKD

Nooo not Gomez seeing them together I wanna punch him so bad-

“I don’t think anyone can understand… apart from you.” - oh my god Will 😭

“I think she’s… right… about a lot of things” - oh Will is NOT subtle in the slightest is he-

Lyra stepping closer, “yeah? What things?” ASDFGHJKL

“Dust… trees!” - smooth, Will, real fuckin smooth 🤣

Gomez was about to shoot Lyra while she was frolicking in the water but an Angel stopped him oh my god

ITS BALTHAMOS

“Desire is not sin. Love takes a million forms, each of them beautiful, each of them worthy. You who judge, just afraid.” 👏🏻

BALTHAMOS SQUASHED GOMEZ’S DÆMON, KILLED GOMEZ, AND THEN HE DIED TOO AND HIS LAST WORD WAS “BARUCH” 😭❤️

There’s something very innocent about these two teenagers clearly falling in love and sitting by the water in their underclothes and not realising why that would be seen as wrong because it’s so innocent and sweet and new 😭

WILL AND LYRA KISS I REPEAT WILL AND LYRA KISS I SCREAMED SO LOUD OH MY GOD

AND THE DUST SETTLING OVER THEM AND THE DUST RETURNING TO THE WORLD ASDFGHJKL THIS IS BEAUTIFUL

“The prophecy has been fulfilled. The love of Eve shall heal the earth and all the world shall feel it. Nature will be restored, hope will spark in darkness as innocence turns to experience, all will be in harmony once more.” - OH MY GOD AND THE SHOTS OF THE DIFFERENT WORLDS AND PLACES ASDFGHJKL

Those shy little smiles after they finished kissing omg

“Do you think Pan knows? I think he guessed” - he probably did let’s be real here lmfao

“I want to show you Jordan… proper Oxford. We can go to yours too… go to the cinema again.” - oh these kids are so hopeful 😭🥺

Pan and Kirjava!!!

“One who has given the world such a gift deserves a name… Kirjava.” — AHHHHH

Pan: Kirjava… suits you — 😭👏🏻❤️

“Why aren’t you with Will and Lyra? Are you still punishing them for their betrayal? But you love them still, don’t you? And you are not severed.” “No… we’re still one. But it was so painful.” - 🥺🥺🥺

“They will need you for what is to come” - OH BOY HERE WE GO

Pan and Kirjava coming back to their humans 😭❤️

“Pan…” “You left me. I’ve had to travel so far to find you again.” “I’m so sorry. I’m so grateful. I didn’t want to. I’m sorry. Please, I’m sorry. I missed you. I love you.” “Lyra…” AND THEN HE RUNS AND HUGS HER 😭

“I hoped you’d settle as a pine marten… suits you.” “I like it too.” 😭❤️

ALSO PAN SETTLED?!?!

“I’m… Kirjava.” WILL MEETING KIRJAVA PROPERLY

WILL AND LYRA TOUCHING EACH OTHER’S DÆMONS, THE MOST INTIMATE OF ACTS WHEN DONE CONSENSUALLY, I CANNOT COPE WITH THIS-

“Thanks to you, the multiverse is healing.” “I barely did anything.” “You showed two innocents what it was to dare, and by discovering their love, they have drawn Dust back into our worlds.” “Is that really all it took? Something so small and ordinary?” “Love is never small to those who discover it for the first time.” — brb, crying yet AGAIN over this series

“For centuries, Dust has been flowing out of the universe… what Lyra and Will have done has turned that tide. But their love alone is not enough to sustain it forever.” - oh no, no no no, it’s about to happen

“Every window that exists must be closed” - 😭😭😭 I know what’s coming and I hate it

“Each time the knife makes a cut, the flow of Dust increases and from the tear in the space between worlds some darkness is released, bring destruction across all of the worlds. It can take the form of many things: a plague, a spectre…” - 😭

But also does this mean that Covid was a result of the subtle knife??? 💀😳👀

“But if Will can’t use the knife, and if we can’t leave the windows open, then how will we…? We have to choose worlds, Will’s or mine?” “You can’t live in someone else’s world for long. Our dæmons wouldn’t survive. It means we can’t stay in the same world together.” - THERE IT IS 😭💔

“No! You can’t come here and just say that! After everything we’ve been through, it’s not fair! … it’s not fair…” 😭😭😭 they’ve literally just fallen in love and they have to separate already

Them walking away holding hands 😭

Oh nooo she’s already lost the ability to read the Alethiometer 😭😭😭

“It’s not broken, Lyra… you’ve changed. You’ve grown up.” “So… that’s it? I will never be able to read it again?” “The knowledge still exists but you’ll have to learn it, like those before you. You read it by Grace, and you can regain it by work.” “What’s the point? Why did we get here? Why did we go through everything we went through just to be forced apart?” — 😭

“I didn’t know it was possible to feel this bad.” “It won’t always feel like this.” “I don’t want to not feel like this about Lyra… I only want her.” - NOT WILL AND MARY’S COVERSATION IM TRYING TO HOLD IT TOGETHER SO BAD

“You know all those stories that say the greatest love is the one you can’t live without? The one that you’re prepared to die for? That’s not right. That’s not what love is. I know it seems romantic to die for love but it’s much more romantic to live for it.” — 😭💔

“You will never lose what you have with Will, you have shaped each other forever. And I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but you will have a future, Lyra” - and Lyra is just sitting there crying 😢 I hate it here-

“If humanity set their minds to discovery and their hearts to compassion, they may create enough Dust for a single opening to remain. But you already know where that window must be.” “The Land of the Dead.” “We can’t close that window, it’s the most important one.” — 😭💔

Will has to break the knife once they’re back in their own worlds 😭😭😭 and the angels will help close the windows

“There are fates even the most powerful have to submit to.” - 💔

“I love you. I’m not gonna stop loving you until the day I die.” “I love you.” - KILL ME. It would hurt FAR LESS

“We will come back here, when we’ve lived our lives, we’ll go through the Land of the Dead and we’ll tell Gracious-Wings everything we’ve done. We’ll find each other here. I’ll be drifting about until I find you.” “And I’ll be searching for you every moment. Every single moment.” “When we do find each other again… no one will be able to tear us apart. We’ll be joined so tightly… Every atom of me and every atom of you. When they use our atoms to make new lives, they’ll have to take two; one for you and one for me. We’ll be in the flowers and in the sunbeams… we’ll be joined so tight.” — okay no I’m full on sobbing and crying and shaking, I can’t cope with this, I can’t do anything but cry now

Lyra and Will embracing and holding each other, just clinging to each other on the floor as they cry 😭💔

“Don’t forget us, Mary. Keep telling stories.” - 😭💔 this whole episode is just a massive HEARTBREAK I CANNOT-

We’re back to Lyra’s Oxford 😭

NOT THE BENCH, NOT THE FUCKING BENCH NO I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THE BENCH FUCK YOU PHILIP PULLMAN

“You know you could see your dæmon too, if you wanted” - oh my god yes?!?! I KNEW she met her dæmon at some point, I knew I didn’t imagine it!

“There you are.” - AHHH HER DÆMON IS A BIRD

“We can come back here every year. You in your world and me in mine. Midsummer’s Day. Midday.” “And I’ll be there. I’ll be there every year, my whole life.” “And if we do meet someone we like, we must be kind to them - we won’t compare them. We’ll come here, just for an hour… we can be together.” “Every year. I promise.” - ASDFGHJKL THIS HURTS MY HEART IT HURTS

“Just do it!” 😭😭😭 she wants him to just do it because she knows it’s going to happen and hanging around prolonging it is just so much more painful

Lyra and Mary hugging goodbye 😭 “I’ll never forget you” - STOP

“I’ll break the knife as soon as I’m through because I’ll know I’ll just want to come back to you.” - THIS POST IS JUST ME SOBBING NOW EXCUSE ME-

“What is it?” “I’m just trying to imagine what you’ll look like when you’re older.” “Handsome of course.” “Very.” - EXCUSE ME

Will stepping through the window and going to close it, stopping and them then kissing 😭 “Lyra.” “Will.” AND THEN THEY KISS AND HE CLOSES THE WINDOW FUUUUUCK-

Lyra: *crying* // Me: BITCH ME TOO

“Just think of her” (to break the knife) - and it’s a series of flashbacks of her and him throughout the whole series I feel SICK-

The snow falling on Svalbard and Iorek 😭

Lyra’s back at Jordan College 😭❤️ but so much has changed

Will going back to his mum 😭💔 and then them hugging as Kirjava watches with a little smile I’m-

ONE YEAR LATER?!?! ONE YEAR LATER I’M-

She’s dressed like a student I’m-

ARE THEY GOING TO THE GARDEN?!?

“We can come back here every year. You in your world, me in mine. We can be together. I’ll be there every year. My whole life. I promise.”

THE FADES AS THEY GET OLDER AND WITH EACH YEAR, THE SPLIT SCREEN OF THEM AT OPPOSITE ENDS OF THE BENCH, THEM REACHING OUT TO HOLD EACH OTHER’S HANDS, WILL’S MISSING FINGERS

“Lyra.” Being the last line of this show, oh my GOD.

THE ENDING TITLE CARDS

“Will and Lyra continued to return to their bench at the same time, every year. They kept their promise to each other, going on to live full lives in their own worlds. Will became a medical student and later, a successful surgeon. Lyra went on to be educated at St Sophia’s College in Oxford, where she was taught how to once again read the Alethiometer… Which would come in useful one day, when Lyra and Pan would go on to have a further great adventure. But that’s another story…”

THE BOOK OF DUST/THE SECRET COMMONWEALTH ADAPTATION CONFIRMED?!? IS THAT WHATS GOING ON?!?

Okay… wow… okay.

I’ll admit that in S1, I had issues with the show as a longtime fan of the books; perhaps I was too busy comparing it to the movie or whatever else, but also I had complaints about the lack of dæmons on-screen and how that really hurt the first series as a result (eg. The Billy Costa scene). Thankfully in S2 and S3, that issue was resolved and not a problem in the slightest, which I’m so glad for. I feel like for me personally, Subtle Knife (S2) and Amber Spyglass (S3) had the benefit of not having been adapted for the screen before (unlike Northern Lights/S1), so it was able to stand up as it’s own adaptation easier and not necessarily have the movie looming over it (if that makes sense). Because while I agree the movie was not great and didn’t do justice to the books, it was still an expensive blockbuster with hype and big names attached.

Right now I really want to reread TAS - I reread TSK when S2 was airing so it feels right to reread TAS now, but I’m reading Outlander still so I’ll have to put it off a few days 😭 - and also I want to take the trip to the Botanical Garden in Oxford where Lyra and Will meet every year. I don’t know if other fans do that but it’s something I’ve wanted to do a while, and now I want to do it more than ever. I’ll have to remind myself closer to the Midsummer’s Day to do it!

Honestly, I’m so emotional over this whole series. Was it a perfect adaptation? No, no adaptation is 100% accurate or perfect, things get changed or cut for whatever reason. But it was beautifully done, and I’m so unbelievably happy that it was finally done justice. I truly don’t think I could have asked for a better adaptation of a series that has meant so much to me for fifteen whole years. I’m so grateful that I live in a time where this series has been given the love and attention it deserves, and I can only hope that people viewing the show first have gone on to read Philip Pullman’s books, that it’s inspired them to read those too.

The cast have been spectacular throughout, especially the main cast members: Dafne Keen, Ruth Wilson, James McAvoy, Amir Wilson… gosh, all of them. And then of course the voice cast have been amazing too, especially Kit Connor as Pantalaimon since that’s literally the main voice role throughout this whole series. I’m just so blown away at this point, I can barely type it.

[kamiversee]

The ChosoxGojoxReader one?!?! Oohhhh ma lorddddd was that a TREAT, edging all of us frfr with that „ending“, can’t wait for the next TWO (?!?!??!!?) parts😩

Have to agree with that anon about you dialogue writing skills, especially with smut I‘m super picky as to what I find cringe (ykwim??) but your dialogues/choice of words for intimate stuff never disappoints, my expectations for my actual life have risen wayyyyy too far because of you lmao, at some point I‘ll just send my partners your smut and be like „study this shit and you better know your lines tonight“ 😭😂

-🖤

LMFAOOO THE LAST PART HAS ME WHEEZING 😭

& I totally get what you mean in terms of dialogue! I can name exactly two other active smut authors on here that don’t give me an ick in their writings 💀 Then again, I am just super picky when it comes to those things so yeah— I try not to write anything I myself don’t like? & I also reread like 100x just to make sure it never sounds awkward

& THE BAR IS NEVER TOO HIGH BABES, if you want ur future partner to talk to u a certain way, just have tht conversation beforehand yk? Men, unfortunately, don’t just come the way I write them (the ones that read do tho)😔 U GOTTA WHIP EM INTO SHAPE 🔥

[roseprincess10]

Android Guy! X Reader Headcanons.

This is my first time making a headcanon. Here is an Android version of Guy from the Final Fight and Street Fighter series. I decided to make headcanons about Guy to celebrate his birthday.

Origin Story: During my childhood, I played Street Fighter X Tekken. I had a huge crush on Guy. I adore his caring personality towards his close allies, and he doesn’t interfere in situations he can’t control. However, I didn’t know much about him until I started doing research on him. I discovered that the first game Guy appeared in was Final Fight. There are also a few interesting facts abou Guy. For example, Guy is best friends with Cody Travers, and has a fiancee named Rena Genryusai.

Design Idea: My redesign for Guy is an android. He shares the same characteristics as Guy, but he is a special robot who shares emotions and protects his companion in the following headcanons below. 

Be sure to read this and have fun.

🌹Relationship Headcanons🌹

❤️  Android Guy accepts you for being yourself. He will go out of his way to treat you like a queen. 

❤️  It will be cute to teach each other a new language. Android Guy can teach you Japanese. Since he has a difficult time speaking English, you can teach him how to speak it fluently. 

❤️ Android Guy would also train you in Bushin Ryu ninjutsu. He wants you to become a formidable fighter. Android Guy also wants you to be disciplined because he doesn’t want you to start unnecessary fights. 

❤️ Grocery shopping is a must. Since Android Guy is a vegetarian, his main priority is to make healthy food choices. These food choices include fruits, vegetables, and bento boxes to have a balanced diet. Android Guy is willing to teach you how to cook too. He doesn't want you to consume junk food every day. 

❤️ Nicknames are also part of the relationship. Android Guy’s nickname for you is 

Ninja Bae (忍者ペ). Your nickname for Android Guy is Darling. (愛すべき)  

❤️ When you’re feeling sick, Android Guy will be alert to what you need. Soup with vegetables, crackers, ginger ale, and plenty of fluids. When Mother Nature arrives, Android Guy will give you warm blankets and chocolate. He will also be a heating pad for his flames. Android Guy is a pyromancer. 

❤️Sleep Aid is so comfortable. When you have a hard time sleeping, normally you would turn on relaxing music. This music includes Silent Hill, nature, weather, and ocean sounds. When you have a nightmare, Android Guy will come into the room and hug you. He also snuggles in bed with you, so you can be safe with him by your side. 

🎂Birthday Headcanons🎂

🍰Today is Guy’s birthday! Android Guy wakes up in the morning. He writes a letter explaining that he will be in the forest, meditating, in case you were looking for him. 

🍰As you wake up, you notice that Android Guy is gone. You read the letter about where he was. Little did Android Guy know, this gave you an opportunity to surprise him later on. 

🍰You researched what cake to surprise Android Guy with until you found a Japanese Strawberry Sponge Cake. 

🍰You went to the grocery store to gather ingredients for the cake and other supplies for tonight’s dinner. 

🍰 This was your time to use your creativity in the kitchen. 

🍰 After meditating in the forest, Android Guy opens the door to his home, but everything is pitch dark. He turns on the lights to reveal a special sight. 

🍰The scene revealed a dinner of salmon ochazuke, sushi, rice, Yasai Itame, and chopsticks on the side of each table. 

🍰 Android Guy turns to see you holding a Japanese strawberry sponge cake on a plate. The cake reads, “Happy Birthday, Guy!”

😢Comfort Headcanons😢

😔  Android Guy is the best supporter ever! He is always there for you through tough times.

😔When you're going through depression with fake friends, betrayal, or dealing with a lot on your plate. Android Guy likes to communicate with you about these struggles. 

😔 He believes it’s better for you to get everything off of your chest and then keep it to yourself. 

😔 However, if you were involved in a situation where you intervened, he would scold you for interfering in people’s businesses you couldn’t control or making people’s problems your responsibility. 

😔In conclusion, Android Guy wants you to learn from your mistakes to be a better person.  

[borathae]

“There were simpler times in their life.”

Pairing: Soulmates!Vmin x named fem!OC

Genre: Polyamory!AU, Perioddrama!AU, Vampire!AU, Angst, Romance

Warnings: mentions of torture & trauma, gender & sexuality struggles, happy!Vmin :(

Wordcount: 2.6k

a/n: This is a snippet out of Sanguis!Vmin’s past together, hence why the OC is named and the story is not written in the 2nd POV. I honestly really missed writing about Tae’s past and I was very exited to dive deeper into Jimin’s past as well. Gosh, I miss him even if he was a lil dick for most of the story ahhaha 😔

"Jimin!” Taehyung came stumbling over the threshold, “Jimin you won’t believe what just happened!”

Jimin, who had been busy with reading the newest book of Jane Austen, lifted his head. He studied his best friend with curious but also slightly annoyed eyes.

“What?” he asked, lowering his book.

“I asked Ava if she wanted be with me and she said yes.”

“No way, you dared to ask?” Jimin gasped jumping to his feet to hurry to his friend, “Taetae those are excellent news. What exactly did she say?”

“Oh Jimin, It was so wonderful. You must hear all of it.”

It was three months ago when Taehyung met her.

It was at a viewing of his latest works. Taehyung remembers that day vividly. It was a rainy day, but the people didn’t allow it to taint their moods. On the contrary, the streets were bustling in life the entire day.

Taehyung worked two years on his art pieces and felt immense happiness at the aspect of finally sharing them with the world.

The viewing was a great success. Not only was Taehyung able to sell most of his works, he also met a lovely young lady at the festivities. She was standing by his only unsold work of the evening, sipping on her way too warm champagne, which Taehyung had imported solely for the viewing, and curling her lips as she thought.

Taehyung approached her because she seemed rather bored and he wanted to change that. After all, it was his viewing and he didn’t want his guest to be bored.

“I see that you have found an interest in this painting”, he said, studying with great interest as her gaze shifted from the painting to his face.

“Oh no, I find it rather dull. Wouldn’t you agree?” she answered him and Taehyung laughed.

“Dull”, he repeated, “now you must tell me why you feel that way”, he insisted, finding great liking in the way she seemed to curl her lips as she thought.

“I couldn’t tell you for the world of it”, she began, “but something about his choice off colour seems to bore me.”

“I see”, Taehyung inspected his work and suddenly felt the urge to agree with her, “I must say that combining oranges with reds is a rather dull thing to do.”

“Indeed”, she turned to him then, as if his answer sparked her interest greatly. She studied him from head to toe, curling her lips in that distinct way as she did, “and who are you?” she asked him.

“Me? I am no one really”, he smiled, “just the painter.”

Taehyung loved how her heart sped up in her chest. That sound had always been lovely to him.

The woman cleared her throat loudly and therefore forced Taehyung to concentrate his hearing back on the sounds only human were able to hear.

“Now I feel utterly ashamed, you must think me such an ill-mannered woman”, she said with great embarrassment in her eyes.

“Not at all, I am a great lover of honesty”, Taehyung assured her and lowered his gaze in his distinct way. Whether or not it was of magical nature, he refuses to tell. He knew however, that this look never failed and neither did it tonight, as the woman seemed rather charmed by it.

“I’m Ava”, she said, doing a perfect curtsey.

“It is a pleasure meeting you, Ava”, Taehyung returned the curtsey in perfect manner, “I’m Taehyung, but I figure that you already know my name.”

“Actually, I must admit. I only stumbled upon this viewing because there was a sign outside promising free food and champagne.”

Taehyung felt himself laugh honestly.

“Ah dear, you must really think I have no manners”, she said, fixing a strand of her hair in nervous instinct.

“Not at all. But come, I shall offer you more champagne”, he glanced at her flute, “cooled, I promise.”

She laughed, “well if that is so then I must take you up on your offer.”

Taehyung spent the rest of the evening talking to Ava. They chatted about food for a long time and Taehyung learned that Ava dreamt of being a chef in Paris one day. They also talked a lot about the arts and Taehyung learned that she possessed no knowledge regarding the topic, but that she wanted to learn. Taehyung also learned that Ava was new to life in the city and that she lived with her two rabbits and cat in a cellar apartment close to the city’s grandest park.

They also agreed on meeting for breakfast and they did. As friends.

They became great friends over the course of the next three months. At least that is what Ava wanted and Taehyung was happy to respect her wishes, despite his growing feelings for her.

Ava was a spectacular person. She was intelligent and quick-witted, she was kind and loved animals, she was never afraid to speak her mind and disliked the constricting roles of gender. Taehyung loved that about her and together they spent many nights fantasising about how it would be if only they switched genders for a night.

Ava also showed him her collection of countless costumes, she sewed for that exact occasion and Taehyung swore that he fell in love with her even deeper. Never before had he met a woman, who created costumes just so she could look like a man, but he was happy that he finally did. Because Ava was a delight. In as well as out of costume. She made him so incredibly happy to be on this earth.

Taehyung introduced Ava to Jimin two months into their friendship. Jimin was wary at first, because he has always been the jealous type, but warmed up to Ava very soon. Taehyung knew that Jimin would because Ava was lovely. She showed him ways of dressing up and Taehyung could watch as Jimin lit up in happiness because of it.

Jimin was very happy during the times with Ava. Many nights he spent admiring himself even long after Ava left. And even more nights, Taehyung could listen to his best friend sing in the washing room. Jimin rarely sang. Only when his humanity began brushing its fingers against his dead heart. And Taehyung loved that ever since Ava came into their life, Jimin began singing again.

Jimin has been Taehyung’s best friend ever since the twenties of the seventeenth century. They met during the endless winter of Jimin’s kingdom and had been family ever since. They shared the same fate, both cursed with vampirism and therefore eternal life. They shared most of that life together and while Taehyung had lived almost half a millennia before he met Jimin, he realised that his life only truly began once he met him.

They shared everything together. Homes, food, men and women as well as interests. Jimin loved to dance while Taehyung loved to play the violin. Jimin loved to pose while Taehyung loved to paint. Jimin loved to sing and Taehyung loved it too.

Jimin also loved to make a mess during their shared feeds, while Taehyung didn’t.

That was the only difference they had, but Taehyung didn’t blame Jimin. It wasn’t his fault that he loved what he loved.

Jimin wasn’t of the same kind as Taehyung. While Taehyung was of Normal decent, Jimin was a Glutton. And Gluttons are messy in their feed, it was in their nature.

Jimin didn’t want to become a vampire, let alone a Glutton, so he told Taehyung. He was tricked by a cunning and cruel demon into drinking its cursed blood and ever since then had to live his life in misery. The demon’s name was Namjoon and he was the Creator of most Gluttons on this earth.

Taehyung learned of Namjoon’s existence during the 1680s when the Creator came for a visit and tortured the two vampires for years. Taehyung still heard Jimin’s screams, even till this day almost sixty years later.

Taehyung felt different for the longest time ever since Namjoon five year long visit. Only recently, and perhaps only because of Ava, Taehyung began to feel like himself again.

He realised during those times, that Jimin was different too and only ever since he started to hear him sing again, he realised what had happened. Somewhere in his five years of torture, Namjoon must have forced them to turn off their humanity. And that Ava was responsible that both vampires found it again.

Taehyung fell even deeper for Ava because of it and soon his feelings for her became so great, that he couldn’t bear friendship any longer.

So he asked her. He gathered all his courage and asked her if she could imagine a world where they shared more than just friendship. And to his surprise, Ava said that she could.

Taehyung kissed Ava for the first time that night and he swore that he felt even the last jumbled pieces of his humanity finally shifting back into place.  

It was twenty days later when Jimin asked Ava the same question. He talked to Taehyung about it first, confessing his own feelings for her to him with hopes that he would understand. And Taehyung did. He felt so happy for his best friend that he encouraged him to ask Ava the same question.

And so Jimin did, receiving the same answer from her as Taehyung did.

Taehyung was incredibly happy that she did, because it meant that he could share someone he loved so very dearly with the one person he will always love the most.

Ava spent the coming summer with Taehyung and Jimin. She left her basement apartment in the city and moved to their farm.

It was Taehyung’s land once, but he liked to say that it was as much of Jimin’s land as it was his’ these days. After all, it was only with Jimin when this small patch of land gained true meaning.

Jimin loved nature. He loved the work in a garden, loved the stray cats visiting them in the evening and found peace in watching the fireflies at night. Jimin always said to Taehyung that they reminded him of the galaxies of far away and later in their life, Taehyung would spend many days painting them just for him.

But this small piece of land would be their home for many decades before Taehyung began painting stars. They built a cottage on the once untouched meadow and Jimin planted big apple trees in the back.

Ava loved those trees. They had the perfect distance for them to span a piece of sturdy bedsheet between the trunks.

Taehyung and Ava spent a lot of time in their bedsheet hammock. Taehyung liked to read to Ava during those moments. And sometimes they kissed until the night turned dark.

Jimin and Ava spent a lot of time on the porch. Late at night when the stray cats already said their goodbyes and the fireflies painted galaxies on the horizons. They liked to sit and listen to the crickets. And sometimes they loved to kiss until the moon danced way past its zenith.

It was a good time in their lives. Filled with happiness and moments of sweetness.

They decided to tell Ava their secret once the first orange leaves were seen on the trees.

Ava was silent for a long time that evening. She simply stared at their true faces until they felt sick in nervousness. Taehyung remembers clearly that she shifted in her chair and then curled her lips in her distinct way.

And then she laughed. She laughed so loudly and so happily that for a moment the two vampires wondered if she had lost her mind in shock.

“Why am I not surprised?” she finally said and asked no further questions.

They shared Jimin’s bed that night. They shared it until the early morning hours and afterwards shared it lost in a deep, happy slumber.

Life with Ava became better ever since their confession. They taught her a lot about their kind and Ava listened with great interest. And soon they found themselves sharing way more than just a bond. Jimin always said that Ava’s blood was one of the sweetest bloods he ever tasted and till this day, Taehyung thinks it was because Jimin was truly in love with her.

Taehyung really misses those times. Till this day, almost two centuries later, Taehyung likes to think back to the times on their farm.

Ava stayed during all of autumn and she stayed all through winter and as spring came, she had finally finished decorating her room. She helped Jimin in the garden a lot in spring and in the evenings she liked to pose for Taehyung. In and out of costume. Sometimes Jimin joined too. In and out of costume. And Taehyung loved the paintings, which came out of those sessions.

By the time spring was almost over, Ava and Jimin had adopted one of the stray cats and named it Darcy. They were all entirely obsessed with the book ever since it was released and loved to read it to each other before going to bed.

Come summer, Taehyung stopped being present during the day. Not because he wanted to, but because he was once again preparing for a viewing of his latest works. Further away from their farm, which meant he was on horseback for many hours during those times.

Taehyung loved this time of their life. He loved leaving the farm, knowing that once he can return home, he would be greeted by the smell of Ava’s dinner and the sweetness of their kisses.

He truly loved his life. He felt like a husband coming home after a long day of work, greeted by food and love. Taehyung was reminded what being human felt like during this time of his life.

Humanity was something precious and wonderful to him and sometimes, he got the feeling that Jimin loved it even more than him.

Jimin was so happy, so full of life, so unapologetically himself. He sang not only in the washing room, but every chance he got and in the morning, he loved to dance with Taehyung until their bellies ached in laughter.

Perhaps that is also why Taehyung loved coming home. Because Jimin was happy and as much love he had for Ava, seeing his soulmate happy, brought Taehyung true peace. All he wanted for Jimin the moment he met him, was happiness.

But happiness can’t exist with sadness. And peace can’t exist with chaos. And their lives were never meant to be without chaos. Chaos which comes so fast and ruins too much.

Taehyung remembers coming home that evening and the house smelling of fresh bread. He remembers slipping out of his riding boots and calling out their names. He remembers looking at the bouquets of flowers he bought for them. They were just slightly squished from having to spend his entire ride in his bag. He remembers thinking to himself that they will love the surprise nonetheless.

And he remembers dropping them the moment he sat foot into the kitchen and seeing Ava’s maimed corpse on the table. Her throat was ripped out to the point where her head barely stayed on.

Taehyung remembers that he wanted to scream, but that he couldn’t for chaos interrupted him before he could.

“Welcome home”, chaos spoke and Taehyung felt frozen in fear.

He lifted his head and laid eyes upon Jimin’s blood covered face. It wasn’t Ava’s blood but his own.

“Jimin. No”, Taehyung pressed out, shifting his gaze to chaos.

“It is time you little piglets learn to behave again”, Namjoon spoke, rising from the chair at the end of the table.

[bubbleonice]

Delays:

I finalized a few readings tonight just for everyone of the recordings to glitch. 🥹🥹 I had such a good reading for the kardashians where I used two different tarot cards and ended up pulling just about the same cards from both. I have no idea what was wrong with my recordings. They all began normal but ended up being slowed down drastically after 5 minutes. I was almost terrified because the recordings sounded almost demonic.

I finalized the Kardashain family dynamic reading. The twinflam June edition reading, and also the 18+ reading - celebrity edition. And now I am conflicted and don’t want to delete my recordings because it was such good readings, but I am afraid I have no choice but to do new ones😔 So annoyed about this at the moment.

*edit: yay!!! I found a way to restore those videos. Will re-upload tomorrow☺️☺️

[miupow]

yeah !! year of the dragon!! im a bit sad i wont be able to celebrate at home this year with the rest of my family, but ill be sure to eat bunches anyways. ive been writing 福 upside down on my paperwork for the last few days as like a good luck charm ! but yes ! so elated to be at oxu!! i like the challenge and just doing so much with my intellectual pursuits.

im happy to hear you're excited to read !! ive also started reading again - my choice for the month is Norwegian Wood by murakami and its sooo 🥹💔 aghhh. i need to get back into writing book reviews. ive done a couple for long fics here and there for fun, but digging into a book is a different ballpark. you should def tell me how your romance novels go !!!

im also very happy to hear that you finished just like magic !! im so proud of you !! i havent read it yet, but im sure its good. im avoiding fanfic atm bc every so often i get squicked for one reason or another, but ill def leave a review when i do.

ill come by later tonight with a beom thought - i flew out the 5th so i missed tyn,, cant do my boy gyu like that 😔

- 🐶

so happy for u 🐶 anon :’( i really hope you enjoy your time at oxu.. and that good luck charm thing is so cute omg?? i’ve never heard about something like that but maybe it’s because i’m a dumb american lol

oooouuu murakami!! one of my dads fav authors.. he has almost all of his books hehe he bought them all when he lived in japan back in the 90s

will def update you on my romance novel adventure 🫡 also book reviewing is such a cute hobby omg and book reviews for long fics?? that’s so adorable i would die if anyone did that for any of my writing

eee i really hope you enjoy jlm!! i worked hard on it hehe i know it’s an odd time for fanfic rn but !!

oh boy beomie thought… i’ve been having terrible brainrot for gyu recently cos i’ve been beating myself up over thinking of a fic plot for his bday.. excited to hear ur thought hehe ^^

[chuplayswithfire]

fandom please i promise it wont hurt to let a white man be bad at something, or do something wrong, i promise. i promise.

[fayes-fics]

Three-Dot Symphony

Excerpts from a modern romance

Pairing: benedict bridgerton x fem!reader, Modern AU

Summary: Modern AU, friends to lovers over text

Warnings: 18+ smut, minors DNI, sexting, explicit descriptions of sexual acts, overuse of emojis, humour.

Word Count: 2.4k

Authors Note: Here’s the text fic no one was asking for! Loosely based on an anon ask about Ben being an expert at sexting (here), but frankly this is not even the sexting fic I was planning to write - I've no idea what this is or where it came from. Betaed by the awesome @makaylan as usual. All remaining typos & grammar errors are from the characters themselves obvs ;)

Y/N: What are you wearing?

BB: !?! Is this a come on?!?

Y/N: No? I mean it literally. As in, I can see you across the room?  Y/N: Ok, listen let me rephrase… what the fuck are you wearing?

BB: Better. But also shame.  BB: Not my choice. Llittle sis Hy made me, her birthday = fancy dress

Y/N: K but that outfit?! Did you offend her somehow or…?!.  Y/N: Wait… shame?

BB: She just hates everyone equally.  BB: Also nothing…

7 hours later

BB: What are you wearing?

Y/N: Haha. Go to sleep.

BB: Meh. Worth a try.

25 days later

Y/N: I hate the world and all the penises in it! Y/N: Fuck sorrryyy this was meant for someone else Y/N: Please ignore

BB: I mean that’s probably fair. About the penises (peni?) BB: Wait how many Benedicts do you know?! 

Y/N: Sorry. Again.  Y/N: You’re not in my phone as Benedict

BB: Not to sound too existential, but what am I?

Y/N: Lol. Arty Ben Y/N: I was trying to text Arti, a friend  Y/N: Sorry again

BB: Arty Ben? I mean okay. Could be worse… BB: Why the penis hate? Bad date? BB: (Quite proud of that ⬆️ tbh)

Y/N: Something like that Y/N: (Mr Comedy)

BB: Not all penises are bad. Surely? BB: Or rather penis owners

Y/N: No you are a nice penis Y/N: Penis OWNER! Y/N: You are a nice person who happens to own a penis Y/N: Shit… I shouldn’t text tipsy Y/N: Just hand me a shovel I’ll dig myself

BB: This is just delightful  BB: Thank you BB: My penis thanks you too BB: Wait I didn’t… I errr I’m sorry I think I’ve had too many drinks too

Y/N: Say hello to your penis from me Y/N: 🤣

BB: He says hello back 😉

Y/N: He?! 

BB: Well it’s not going to be female is it?! 

Y/N: It’s not an IT…?!

BB: Ok IT says hello 😁

Y/N: Hello Ben’s penis. 🤣

BB: 👋 😂

3 hours later

Y/N: Goodnight Ben's penis 

BB: I mean, I’m right here… BB: Do I not get a goodnight?

Y/N: Goodnight Ben Y/N: Goodnight Ben’s penis

BB: He gets two?!

Y/N: Haha. Night Y/N: Penis 

BB: Oh no, this is going to become a bit isn’t it? 😔 

4 days later

Y/N: ‘Sup Penis

BB: I’m not going to dignify that with a response 

Y/N: That’s fine, wasn’t talking to you  Y/N: Was AS YOU CAN READ only addressing the trouser snake

BB: Trouser snake?!

Y/N: Don’t like that? I got a million more 🤷‍♀️  Y/N: P. E. Nis, Esq. 🧐 (gent about town)

BB: How many drinks have you had?!

Y/N: Rude Y/N: Quite a few tbh Y/N: Wait, why do we only text tipsy?

BB: I've no idea, give me an hour I’ll try to catchup

Y/N: K

1 hour later

Y/N: ‘Sup penis and penis owner

BB: ‘Sup

Y/N: Got some drinkin’ goin’ on?

BB: Maybe

Y/N: What’s your poison?

BB: Whisky

Y/N: Niiiice Y/N: Brand?

BB: Glenfidddddich BB: Wait, that’s too many D’s isn’t it?

Y/N: Oooh single malt - we got a fancy penis right here, definitely deserving of the 🧐 Y/N: Can never have too many D’s imo…

BB: My penis, I would like to point out, is not drunk BB: Just me

Y/N: Wait… he’s not invited to your party? Y/N: That’s rude, he’s literally right there

BB: He’s a he again, not an IT? BB: No he can't be shirking his duties

Y/N: Meh, calling him a he is good Y/N: He has duties?!

BB: Y’know like…

Y/N: Tell me

BB: Stop it

Y/N: Tell me

BB: I can be drunk but he still needs to be fit for purpose 😜

Y/N: Ohhhh got it, got it Y/N: Does he have plans tonight then? Y/N: On duty, so to speak? 

BB: I mean… nothing planned BB: But he always likes to be prepared you know, just in case, like a Scout

Y/N: Seems a shame he has no party plans Y/N: Poor penis, he deserves a good time too Y/N: I like that he is always prepared though, that’s nice Y/N: He seems nice

BB: He enjoys his duties when called upon BB: He thinks you're nice

Y/N: Good for him Y/N: Awww nice Mr Penis, I think you’re nice Y/N: I mean I've never met you, but I'm sure you are nice

BB: He would be happy to meet you someday…

Y/N: Oh that would be nice Y/N: When can I meet him?

BB: Call me

1 hour later

BB: That was…. Something BB: Thank you 😁

Y/N: Anytime 😉 Y/N: I really like him Y/N: When can I see him again?

BB: On FaceTime or…?

Y/N: However he will have me

BB: After work tomorrow?

Y/N: Yes please Y/N: Totty Ct Rd Tube, Exit 4, 6pm

BB: We’ll be there

1 day later

Y/N: He’s even nicer in person Y/N: He’s lovely and so very attentive 

BB: Are you texting from my bathroom?!

Y/N: Yes? Y/N: I mean I thought you’ve might want ⬆️ that on record so 🤷‍♀️

BB: Come back to bed

26 days later

Y/N: Don't forget milk 😘

BB: K 😘

Y/N: Hurry back, Sainsburys isn’t naked. I am

BB: 🥵

12 days later

BB: When is your trip? 😘

Y/N: 2 weeks from Tuesday, don't wanna go 🙁😘 Y/N: I’ll miss P. E. Nis Esq 🧐

BB: He will miss you so much BB: Wait did we agree that’s his name?

Y/N: 😉 Y/N: You want something better? I mean I'd happily call him Admiral  Y/N: He's pretty commanding ykwim 😮‍💨

BB: Stop. I'm at work 🥵

Y/N: If you send me a picture right now, I’ll greet him before you later

BB: Are you trying to kill me?!?

Y/N: Is it working?!?

BB: You know it is BB: Now he's at attention BB: In a meeting BB: You are a menace

Y/N: Fuck that’s actually hot Y/N: I wanna see

BB: No penis pics! BB: Just imagine it

Y/N: The one time I ASK for a dick pic I don't get one?! Y/N: I am doing just that Y/N: *adds new underwear to shopping list*

BB: *takes off that underwear* *prefers you without*

Y/N: 🥵💦 

BB: No more sexting at work  BB: I think my boss just saw this BB: Shit

Y/N: Oooops 🙈  Y/N: Also, babe, this ain't sexting, you wait til my trip 😉

BB: 😉

17 days later

Y/N: On the train, 🙁 I wish you were here 😘

BB: I wish that too 😘 BB: Text me when you’re there safe

Y/N: Will do  Y/N: Also sexting later 😉

BB: I can't wait BB: Why don't we just FaceTime tho? 🥵

Y/N: Ohhh we will Y/N: This is just your appetiser, that's the main course Y/N: You’ll see 😉😘

BB: 🥵😘

2 hours later

Y/N: Safe 😘

BB: 😘

6 hours later

Y/N: Ready? Y/N: Phone out of sight of boss?

BB: Lol. Yep 

Y/N: Sitting comfortably?

BB: Yep

Y/N: What are you wearing?

BB: Lol funny, I like it

Y/N: I'm not wearing underwear

BB: Oh shit, rly? BB: Call me

Y/N: No! Text only for now. Out at boooooring business dinner Y/N: But I'm not wearing underwear. For you Y/N: No one else will ever know. But you Y/N: What would you do to me if you were here? Y/N: Proof incoming Y/N: (sent photo attachment)

BB: Fuckkkkkkkkk BB: Can't type with erection

Y/N: Yes you can  Y/N: If I can type dripping into my skirt Y/N: Then yes you can

BB: (emphasised “If I can type dripping into my skirt”) BB: (loved “If I can type dripping into my skirt”)

Y/N: Look who just figured out text reactions. Cute. Y/N: I’m waiting…. Y/N: Babe? Y/N: You ok? Y/N: We don't have to do this if you’re uncomfortable….?

BB: SHIT. SO SORRY BATTERY DIED. BB: NO I WANT TO DO THIS!!! BB: I COULDN’T FIND A FUCKING CHARGER BB: BABY? BB: Sorry didn't mean to shout.

Y/N: Haha no worries Y/N: I’m here Y/N: And I'm still waiting… 

BB: I want to uhhh run my hand up your thigh BB: (this feels weird)

Y/N: Mmm continue Y/N: (My thigh feels weird?!?)

BB: No! Sexting feels bit weird. K gimme a mo BB: I would walk up to you like I didn't know you, and slide my hand up your thigh

Y/N: Yessssss Ben tell me more

BB: Don't worry I’ll make sure no one can see between your legs BB: But they’ll be able to see your face so you better be a good actor BB: I’ll slowly push up your skirt til its high as it can go with you sitting

Y/N: Oh yes

BB: Then my fingers will trace up your inner thigh until I get to your pussy

Y/N: It's so fucking wet rn

BB: Good.  BB: I’m going to tease you a bit, just light gentle strokes everywhere but where you want it, over your lips, your lil sexy strip of hair BB: then hmmm just when you’re panting I’ll just gently flick my fingernail against your clit

Y/N: *heavy breathing* fuckkkk you are good at this 

BB: A few more times. Do you feel that?

Y/N: Yessss. More please.

BB: Then I’m going to push two fingers inside you.  BB: You are always so perfectly tight and warm BB: Do you feel that?

Y/N: Yessss god I love your long delicious fingers  Y/N: They reach places no one else can 

BB: Now I’m rocking those fingers inside you  BB: I’m going to tease that lil spot inside you the one that makes you flood all over my hand BB: My thumb is pressing circles on your clit now  BB: Oh yes there we are, moan for me baby

Y/N: Godddd yessss it feels so good Y/N: Let me suck the fingers on your other hand please? Y/N: Out then in my mouth mmmm baby Y/N: Please fingerfuck my mouth and pussy Ben Y/N: Then please fuck my throat with your cock Y/N: I need you so much

BB: I can’t type, shaking

Y/N: My pussy is clenching on nothing, I need you  Y/N: Fuck this dinner. I’m headed to my room right now Y/N: You better be naked, hard and ready to FaceTime in 3 mins 😘

BB: Already there 😘

6 hours later

BB: Baby, last night was so amazing 😘 BB: I hope you are still sleeping after that session but you know I had an early start today  BB: Well anyway, I'm going to have to be offline in the basement archives all morning, so… BB: This is for you when you wake up. Enjoy you little minx…  BB: I’m thinking about our upcoming trip to that AirBnB in Cornwall. Those big floor-to-ceiling glass windows overlooking the sea? I want to fuck you against them, baby. I want you pressed hard against it. That cold glass on your nipples while I fuck into you from behind. Your face pressed against it, puffs of condensation where you are breathing heavy. Want to know why you’re breathing so hard? Cos I’m fucking you so deep. Pushing you up onto your tiptoes with every stroke in. But it’s slow at first, so you feel every inch as I slide into you, hands on your hips. BB: You’re so fucking wet, and I’m going to tell you that. Maybe some people walk by on the coastal path. I don’t care. I’m going to keep fucking you, my girl; let the whole world watch. Then I’m going to speed up a little and go a little harder. I can’t wait to hear your sexy fucking moans as I do that. I'm going to move a hand to grip around your throat just a little, stand up a little taller, so you’re always on tiptoes, speared onto my cock from behind, your gorgeous ass squashed against my pelvis. I’m going to tell you to put your hands outstretched above your head on the glass. And then I’m really giving it to you, fucking you hard. And the hand not on your throat is going to slip down between your legs and circle your clit until you scream. I love when you scream for me. Scream and moan and come on my cock clenching so hard, milking all that cum out of me. Oh, baby, I can’t wait.

1 hour later 

Y/N: 🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵 Y/N: FUCKING HELL…. 🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵 Y/N: Ben, I mean, BeneDICT 🥵🥵🥵🥵 Y/N: Baby I… Y/N: Wow I need you to know WOWWWWWWWW

1 hour later

Y/N: I just read that again 🥵🥵🥵🥵 Y/N: And came again Y/N: I’ve unleashed a monster Y/N: And I don't just mean when I pull down your zip 😉 Y/N: (Sorry) Y/N: A sexting monster 

1 hour later 

Y/N: I'm terminally horny and it’s all your fault Y/N: I need you right the fuck nowwwwwwwww 🥵🥵🥵🥵

1 hours later

BB: Welllllll….. I guess that worked? 😘

Y/N: Y’think?!? 🥵🥵 Y/N: On train back now Y/N: You better fuck me in the hallway when I get home 🥵 Y/N: Sorry typo I meant when I get to yours

BB: Don't be sorry BB: This could be your home…if you want 😘😘

Y/N: It… could? 😘😘

BB: Yes 😘😘 BB: I’ll happily fuck you in the hallway when you get home 🥵😘😘 BB: In fact, I can’t wait 😘😘 BB: My love 😘😘

Y/N: 😘😘😘😘😘

39 days later

Y/N: ‘Sup Penis

BB: That will not make me move these boxes up the stairs any faster

Y/N: Worth a try

BB: What exactly are you moving into my flat? Boulders?

Y/N: That's classified Y/N: I love you 😘😘

BB: I love you too 😘😘

Authors note: You guys have no idea how tempted I was to call this fic ‘Sup Penis. No idea.

Benedict taglist: @makaylan @foreverlonginguniverse @iboopedyournose @wysteria-clad @colettebronte @aintnuthinbutahounddog @severewobblerlightdragon @margofiore @writergirl-2001 @heeyyyou @enichole445 @enchantedbytomandhenry @chaoticcalzoneranchsports

[mango-bango-bby]

love the halloween prompts!! how about scary movie night 🕷 with dabi? like he picks the scariest movie he could find and just smirks as his darling buried their face into his chest. <3

love your blog and i hope you have a lovely day 😽

♡ On Purpose ♡

(A/N: I think I’ve done a fic like this before all ready so I hope this isn’t repetitive 🥺🥺 I don’t know what it is but I haven’t been having the best confidence the last two days, but I’ve also been really stressed so idk. I feel like everything I’m writing ends up bad and no one really likes them, idk, sorry for ranting in my authors note lol!!)

Content Warning ⚠️: Yandere, Dabi scaring his darling on purpose 😔😔

Summary: Dabi makes you watch a horror movie with him, knowing that you’re terrified of horror movies (Yan!Dabi x GN!reader)

Halloween Event ➸ ♡

Masterlist ➸ ♡

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

You absolutely hated scary movies. Even the ones with bad cinematography, acting, or writing still managed to scare you with in an inch of your life. You tried to avoid scary movies as much as you could, knowing that it would leave you trembling and terrified.

However now you don’t really have any choice because if your captor wants you to do something he’ll make you do it.

And because tonight was Halloween, Dabi wanted you to watch a horror movie with him much to your dismay. And you told him you didn’t want to watch it but he didn’t seem to care.

To be truthful, Dabi didn’t watch to many movies. Yes, he liked horror movies as much as any other person but he wanted to watch one with you because he wanted to see your reaction. He wanted to see how you’d react.

Sure, it may be a bit mean to watch  you get scared but he would comfort you and make sure you’re alright afterwards. So he picked the scariest movie he could on purpose.

“Come on, sweetheart, it’s just a movie” Dabi says, petting your hair as you hold onto him tightly. You hold onto him desperately as if the monster on the screen would pop out any moment at you, which you felt like it could. “Yeah but it’s a scary one” You mumble, your fingers clutching at his shirt even tighter as the suspenseful scene goes on.

‘Don’t go in that door!’ You yell in your head, closing your eyes so you don’t have to look at the screen. Although after a moment you open them, nothings happened. It’s silent. Until the monster pops out a the screen, the actor screaming before it cuts to another scene.

Your entire body jolts when this happens, letting out a loud shrieking noise. You hold even tighter onto Dabi, you’re almost crushing him at this point but he doesn’t mind. Dabi chuckles at your squeal although after doing that he realizes how upset you look.

“It’s not f-funny” You mumble, hiding your face in his chest. You’re trembling. “Dollface, it’s just a movie, and even if it was real you have me to protect you” Dabi says lifting your face from his chest. Your eyes are teary. Cute.You hate that you’re scared by this stupid movie, but you know Dabi can deal with you clinging to him all night long.

After plenty more screams from you, tears, and clinging, the movie was over. You were now sat in Dabi’s lap as you had shuffled there through the terrifying ending of the movie, you still cling onto him.

“C-Can we go to bed now?” You say, not letting go of him. You almost jump when you hear a small noise, the events of the movie sticking in your head.

Dabi only hums at you, you tightening your arms around him. “I’m not walking cause something under the seat is gonna grab me” You whine, knowing that won’t happen but you still fear it after watching that movie. Dabi is ready though to comfort you all night long.

“Well if you wanted me to carry you, babydoll, you coulda’ just asked”

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵ Thank you for reading, darling!!

[elysianfiction]

"Can I kiss you?" for Elias pls if possible. I'm a simple woman , a poor soul who lives in depravity. It's a poor choice in love but my MC can't help it 😔

If you don't like "villain" smooches, don't come for my ass. 🤔

You try to hold yourself perfectly still as the maidens help you with your new garments, as they brush your hair without muttering a word. Stolen gentle smiles but nothing more.

They're not usually this quiet, if anything you've come to think of some of them as friends—or something close, at least—but you can't blame them. Not today.

Not when the emperor himself is watching their every move, standing near the balcony with his arms crossed at his back. Without uttering a word himself, if for muttered suggestions every now and then.

Richer fabrics, different colors, lighter jewelry meant to accentuate features without looking too preposterous. And throughout all, you keep quiet.

Not to play the pliant part, the gods know you haven't come here to play as another pawn on the chessboard, but simply because he seems to know your tastes like the back of his hand. Infuriatingly enough, you have no complaints.

Elias raises one hand and the maidens stop at once, bowing elegantly before leaving the two of you alone with a deafening click as the doors to your rooms are pulled close.

Neither of you say anything, not at first. You stare at your reflection in the mirror and Elias stares at you, something extremely pleased in his eyes.

"Am I up to your kingdom's standards?" You ask, only half in jest, getting up from the plush seat you've been forced on for almost an hour now. "Or should we start again?"

His smile widens slightly. Not quite a grin, but something close and just as sharp. He moves away from the balcony, the light seeping through it clinging to his back like a golden cape, stopping in front of you.

"As much as I would enjoy playing a little longer, I don't think we have time for that."

Your lips thin into a straight line, eyes wandering fleetingly toward the outside world, where people are singing in celebration. Ready for tonight's grand event.

"Is all of this necessary?" You ask, feeling for the first time the weight of uncertainty on your back. "Won't the rest of—"

"Taking care of annoying pest is something I shall take care of. You need not to worry about that," he says, gently grasping your chin between his thumb and forefinger. "I have waited a long time, just for this moment. Nobody will ruin your night, this I swear."

And see, this right here is exactly the problem.

You've always known, long before coming to the kingdom capital, Elias to be a man of words. A silver-tongue of careful deceit, hefty threats hidden behind flowery words.

You've been warned times and times again, albeit only from the other side of this conflict, and yet here you are. Held in his grasp, heartbeat fluttering beneath your ribs.

Throat suddenly as dry as the deserts just past the kingdom's borders, hands pressed tightly together over your lap.

Perhaps you've let your inner turmoil show, perhaps he's somehow read your thoughts, all you know is that something visibly shifts in his gaze, in the way he grazes your skin.

"May I kiss you?" He asks and for a moment you're sure you have misheard, but your heart rages on all the same.

You must have misunderstood, but then you catch his eyes drop to your lips for the fraction of a second, something scorching in his otherwise glacial gaze.

You can only nod, clever tongue made a fool of by four simple words, heat eating at your skin the longer he keeps still.

A chaste press of lips, strangely soft even as his beard slightly tickles your skin, so fleeting and undemanding perhaps it never happened at all.

Maybe you're still sleeping. Now, wouldn't that save you from your own poor decisions?

"How am I supposed to deny you anything?" He asks, smiling when you step away from him with heated cheeks. "When you ask oh so sweetly... Although, this will have to suffice, for now."

You're saved by a knock at the door, signaling the arrival of some of the more important guests. Elias, of course, doesn't miss your relieved sigh.

"We'll have to continue this... Conversation later in the evening. You know how to find me, your Excellency."

You bite back a groan, fleeing the room with the sound of his muffled laughter haunting your escape.

[king-star]

Consensual

Warning: mention of rape, language

Match: Natasha Romanoff x reader

Genre: Angst

A/N: there was a part two but I lost it in my hiatus sorry😔

You want to leave a party, Natasha is busy though.

This party was boring. Just like every other party tony threw you had fun for about an hour before getting bored and begging Natasha to leave. It was about two hours past your limit and you were looking for Natasha. Tony said he hasn’t seen for 20 minutes and her and Sharon Carter were going to check the security. This was odd but you didn’t care. All you wanted to do was leave the loud party and go hone to snuggle with your girlfriend. You decided to search the security room for her. Tonight was not your night, all the people were giving you a horrible anxiety attack. You turn the corner to the room and slide the door open “ Natasha are you in here? Can we please leave” you groan. The picture in front of you leaves you so shocked you can’t speak. Natasha was definitely in here but so is Sharon. Sharon’s bare naked his ass facing you as she is kissing Natasha. Natasha sees you and a look of fear crosses her face. You turn and run. The imagine is burned into your head. Never never would you have thought this would happen. You run through ever moment the two had shared in the past month and curse yourself for not seeing it sooner. Once you were in the car what just happens hits you and tears flow from your eyes. “ damn it why? Why did I have to give myself to someone who so freely lies and manipulates,” you scream into the steering wheel. You sit crying and 30 minutes later you hear a tap on the windshield. You look up to see Natasha. She is a mess, bruised and tousled. You read her lips she asks you to open the door. Tears are streaming down her face and she looks like She is horrible pain. You unlock the door and she pulls herself into the front seat. “ before you jump to conclusions and act on the emotions you have every right to feel right now. Please let me explain,” she begs you. Pain is laced through every word but at this point you can’t tell if it’s real or not. “ I- I thought you cared about me the same I do you. I was wrong. I’m just going to drive us home. Please if you ever cared about me don’t try to talk to me” you turn the key to start the ignition. Natasha reaches out to stop you,” first off it’s not safe to drive when your emotionally distraught, second let me explain.” You shake your head. “ dear lord Natasha stop manipulating me. You made a mistake and I’m not going to let you talk yourself out of this one.” She looks you in the eye and the seriousness of her scares you.” I didn’t make a mistake. What you just saw. It wasn’t purely consensual” her voice starts shaking and tears drop out of her eye. She takes a deep breath and calms down. “ Sharon well let’s just say she’s had her eye on you for a while. She knew I was possessive of you and wouldn’t let you go for that unless you wanted to. And well if I have listened well I don’t think you want to be intimate with anyone but me. Sharon- she kept asking and asking if we would be willing to do a threesome. I told her I don’t judge that sort of thing but me and you. We weren’t interested. She got more aggressive and tonight I overheard her talking to someone about seducing you no matter what it takes. Well I lost my shit on her and she-“ she starts sobbing and even though there is pain in your chest you can tell. This wasn’t acting. “ it’s ok love. I swear I’m listening” you whisper in her ear. “ she made a deal with me. If I had sex with her tonight then she would leave us both alone. I didn’t want to do it but I needed to keep you safe. I’ve experienced this sort of thing before and it would be easier on me than knowing you got raped again. This was my choice so it would be easier.” You start sobbing with her. It was horrible absolutely horrible, but you knew she did this for you. “‘We need to tell tony. That’s harassment and rape.” You say reaching to stroke her back. She nods. “ I just wanted to protect you.” The pain is gone. Blind rage is all that is there.” And now it’s my turn to protect you” you open the car door and slam the door shut. “ Sharon Carter is about to get fucked up.”

(this is a repost from my old account)

Natasha Tag list

@basiclesbianbitch

@stephanieromanoff

@sapphicshots

@madamevirgo

@choni-trimberly

@wlwlovesreading

@i-just-like-storage

@screamsin-gay

@ymzki-haruki

permanent tag list

@procrastinatingsapphictrash

@xburningbluex

@zoeyserpentluck

@iamgaiiiuwu

@natasharomanoffswife

@slut-for-nat

@fleurlovesbucky

@fayhar

@ymzki-haruki

[silkscream]

Ari—not you making me do homework after I worked a productive shift at work and before I start my actual coursework. Also this took longer than normal bc my computer was being an add. Anyway...idk who the two of them are (so you kind of made this harder on yourself...). But I did read about them to learn their personalities! And admittedly, this was more fun than my classes lmao.

Anyway, you know the rules now! Will you be the first one to succeed in my games, or will you join Cocoa and Ashanti on the losers' island? We’ll see...Also, all of these scenarios are in college bc I refuse to acknowledge it any other way. These got long too. I’m sorry 😔 I needed to give you background details to try and make an informed decision. I’m also wordy, as you will learn.

The Scenarios

- Panic Mode

“I need your help!”

This person burst into your dorm room one afternoon, almost sending you into a state of panic. Once you noticed they looked eerily calm for someone so excited moments ago, you let yourself calm down.

“What the hell do you want? And what did you do?”

The look on their face was almost comical. You knew they were trying to think of a lie, but they were always a bad liar. After their internal conflict, they’d end up telling you the truth.

“Don’t laugh,” they warned.

“No promises.”

Rolling their eyes, they ignored your comment. “I...might have set my dorm room floor on fire - wait - stop being loud,” they shushed you at your dramatic what?, looking behind themselves at the closed door. “Word around the halls are that John and Lena are doing bed checks tonight.”

Hesitantly, you glanced over your shoulder to see the alarm clock on your nightstand. It was currently four-thirty, and curfew was at ten since it was finals week.

“What are you expecting me to do, huh? Magically conjure up a fix? That’s a joke, by the way. Don’t get any ideas.”

They sighed, running a hand over the top of their head. “You have connections. I need you to help me find someone to replace this...or help me find a rug until I can get it replaced. But I don’t want to hear John or Lena’s bitching tonight. And I know the bill will be astronomical if it goes through the university. Please—” they grabbed your hand, catching you off guard. “Please help me. I’ll make it worth your while...”

- The 180-flip

This person was so shy when you started dating them but now...they’re ridiculous. You don’t know what got into them lately, but they were insatiable. They wanted to touch you, feel you, hold you, taste you, any chance they got. It was fun at first, but this person seemed to have a little exhibitionistic streak under their initial, calm demeanor.

First, they wanted to feel you up in the car during a drive-in movie. You were fine with this. It was an older crowd and you two were in the back—plus, their car had tinted windows. You weren’t a stranger to the thrill every once in a while. But you really started to question things when they got bolder. Like initiating things in the chemistry lab on campus.

You worked in a lab for course credit, and today you stayed later than usual. Your partner knew this, and they decided to bring you a snack and sit with you until it was time to go home. You should’ve sent them back to their dorm before they even had the chance to sweet-talk you, however. Because before you knew it, they were between your legs as you sat on the lab table top...

- A Silly Little Game

Truth or Dare? You hated this game. It was always either a choice between embarrassing yourself by doing something or admitting something stupid. Even in college, people still kept the same formulaic response to the game. Except now, sometimes people got a bit more sexual. Unfortunate. Sometimes...

It was your turn now, and your friend Harry smirked at you from across the room.

“Truth or Dare?” Hmm... there’d already been two truths in a row, so why not do a dare?

“Dare.”

“I dare you to send a nude to the fifth person in your call log.”

After doing a quick check, you noticed it was one of your annoying coworkers. With a swift press of your phone’s lock button, you quickly backtracked. “Truth.”

The group of young adults hooped and hollered at your change of heart—some even booing as they tossed pretzels and popcorn your way. You waved them off, focusing on Harry again.

He nodded, glancing around the circle—making a show out of it before his eyes landed back on you.

“Truth...who you think is the best kisser out of everyone here?"

Fuck. And fuck, you didn’t realize your eyes landed right on the person whose name you definitely wanted to answer. Now...you could lie and save face, or you could be honest and see where this took you for the night.

So, who is it?

- Those Jocks

Batter up! This person—also the person you’ve known since diaper days—just made the college baseball team. You were happy for them. All academics all the time were not good for anyone. The one thing that was a bit of a shift for you was that they started spending less time with you and more time with their sports buddies. You didn’t let it get to you too much—you knew you two would start doing your own things in college. What was starting to get to you was the fact that this friend began acting weird when a new person from the photography club started flirting with you. You were open to a bit of fun. It was college, right? Balls to the wall or whatever. But your old friend was never pleased when you talked about this new prospective partner. And it seemed they were getting a bit jealous...

- Spooky Szn

It’s Halloween! Your group of friends initially planned to go out and trick or treat (sure...you were a bit too old, being in college and all. But you all still looked youthful!), but a nasty storm passed through your town, ruining any plans of snagging free candy. Instead, you all chose to stay in for a horror movie marathon. What the hell? You were always a fan of the scary flicks. And you meant truly scary flicks—not something that would make you yawn and critique it the entire time. Most of your friends in this group were scary, though. They only wanted to watch The Cabin in the Woods (which is fine but not like...super scary). Only you and your partner in crime wanted to watch something a little more sinister...the Exorcist (1973). After much debate, this person whispered into your ear, “Let’s go watch this in the basement. They can keep the living room.” Who were you to argue with the second most logical person here?

- Happy Anniversary

Aww, it’s the day you and this person started dating. Well, actually, you two were screwing around for longer than that—but things were made official later than the first time you two slept together. While you mentioned you didn’t need to do anything extravagant (after all, this person wasn’t rolling in dough, and you were considerate of that), but they still insisted on doing something nice. You two settled on having dinner at your favorite diner, and you’d spend the evening at the quarry stargazing. Simple enough, right?

Wrong. This person was sneaky as hell the entire day before, and it turns out it was because they ended up planning some extravagant dinner for the two of you. While you didn’t go out (which you were fine with at first), you noticed how much money they spent on the meal they planned to cook at home. A small part of you wanted to lecture them on the bill they wracked up at the store. But their puppy dog eyes had you simmering down, allowing them to treat you just this once...

The People

Peter Parker

Arvin Russell

Rue Bennet

Katsuki Bakugo (a human version...what adult would play them in a live action flick lmao)

Jules Vaughn

Prince Zuko (see above note lmao)

KENNY THIS IS SO MUCH GKFJHGHDF

panic mode: ok the first one is difficult because i do realize i picked two characters who have fire powers. i wanna say zuko but since i'm assuming you just found read up on bakugou i'm choosing him

180-flip: arvin russell JUST BECAUSE it's giving me the same vibes as the blurbs i've been writing for him

silly little game: this ones HARD IDK. it's wlw vibes and we're at a party and i see jules vaughn staring at me with that glitter under her eyes.

those jocks: zuko..... hmmm... def the jealous type

spooky szn: rue because she's a virgo

happy aniversary: bye i'm so torn this is so peter. those puppy dog eyes give it away

[scrumptious-delusion]

MESS IS MINE [PART 7]

series masterlist

warnings: swearing, ANGST 😔, violence, mention of: sex (but no smut).

length: 3.7k

a/n: ...ok everyone, here it is. new things come to light and the past is revealed. i’m nervous because this is what y’all have been waiting for and guessing about, i hope it doesn’t disappoint - i feel like i kinda went from 0 to 100 real fast sksks.

Today marks three weeks.

Three weeks since that Friday night. The last time he, Steve, or Peggy saw you.

Bucky stares down at his phone, watching as the cursor blinks in the blank message box, waiting for him to begin typing.

After constantly nagging Steve for two days straight, Bucky had finally acquired your number.

Now he just needed to figure out what the hell he was going to say.

Bucky hadn’t intended on pursuing after you. He refused to force himself into your life when you so clearly didn’t want him there. However, two days ago his stance on not reaching out to you changed.

Despite previous turn downs, Steve had faithfully messaged you once again on Wednesday, inviting you to Bucky’s latest match - tonight’s match, only to receive his third ‘no thank you’ in response.

Though he tried to hide it, Bucky caught the disappointment in his friend’s drooped shoulders as he read the answer.

It was that disappointment that changed Bucky’s mind enough to reach out to you - just this once and then never again.

Hi Y/N, it’s Bucky.

Wincing, Bucky suddenly realises that sending this message instead of actually talking to you is an awful lot like history repeating itself. Except the choice isn’t his this time around.

I hope you don’t mind that I got your number from Steve, I just…

He sighs. A message couldn’t express everything he wanted you to know, but it was the best he had.

I just needed to message you because while he won’t say it, Steve really misses you, even Peggy does too.

I really miss you.

They shouldn’t have to suffer the consequences of my actions, and I don’t want to be the reason any of you have to go without one another.

I would have done anything to make it up to you.

I hope you can work things out with them.

I wish we could have worked things out.

I’m sorry, for everything.

I wanted to say this to your face.

I hope you’re doing well. I hope you’re happy.

I still love you. I always will.

You waltz out of work with a skip in your step. If the ten days of leave now awaiting you wasn’t enough to make you happy, the fact that you had just been let out of work early certainly was.

It was only one o’clock, meaning you had five extra hours at your disposal to do with as you pleased. You’d be crazy not to use this time to pack.

Originally, you were going to spend tomorrow morning packing and then leave. Now you could get your packing done today and leave earlier Saturday.

Your hometown was only a few hours drive away, so you’d have most of Saturday, along with the other eight days leading up to the birthday party, to spend with your father and friends.

Isaac was going to travel up next Saturday, the day before the party, and then you’d both head back to Brooklyn on Monday. He couldn’t afford too much time away from work at the moment but neither of you minded. It gave you more one-on-one time with your father.

“Shit.” You blurt out, assessing the traffic around you before making a u-turn.

Your duffel bag was still at Isaac’s house, along with some of your clothes. He was going to bring it over to your place tonight after work but that wouldn’t help you now with your change of plan.

You’ve been spending a lot of time at his place lately. In fact, you’ve been spending a lot of time with Isaac full stop. He always seemed to have something planned for the two of you.

It was nice to be busy with him, it definitely trumped spending your spare time sitting in your apartment watching television.

Pulling into his driveway, you realise that perhaps it’s time.

Time to take the next step with Isaac and move in with him, finally allowing your relationship to progress.

Smiling as you walk up to his front door, keys jingling in your hand, you picture what his reaction might be when you tell him that you’re ready.

The vibration of your phone draws your attention as you close the front door behind you. Reaching into your jean pocket, you pull it out and see a new message from an unsaved number.

Frowning, you open it.

Hi Y/N, it’s Bucky.

Surprise floods you. It’s been weeks since you’ve seen him, though perhaps a little less since you’ve last thought about him.

Tugging your bottom lip between your teeth, you keep reading.

I hope you don’t mind that I got your number from Steve, I just needed to message you because while he won’t say it, Steve really misses you, even Peggy does too. They shouldn’t have to suffer the consequences of my actions, and I don’t want to be the reason any of you have to go without one another. I hope you can work things out with them. I’m sorry, for everything. I hope you’re doing well. I hope you’re happy.

You read and re-read the message.

It leaves you feeling… guilty.

Shutting out Steve never sat well with you, but in your mind he was so intertwined with Bucky that you couldn’t see how letting him in didn’t let the other in as well. 

Perhaps you’d been wrong about it all. Perhaps… you needed to talk to Bucky, just once and then never again. So you both could let go and move on.

So you could give yourself over to Isaac completely, without any ropes of the past tying you back.

Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

Distant sounds break your reverie and you send the phone screen dark as you pocket it, more than happy to ignore the message for the time being rather than figure out what to do about it.

Heading towards Isaac’s bedroom you register the noises again but by the time you actually process them it’s much too late for anything. You’re already standing in the doorway.

When you would watch movies where the protagonist walks in on their partner cheating, you used to wonder how you would react if you ever ended up in the same situation.

No second chances, that was a given. You always imagined being furious, throwing out insults and possibly even a punch your father had taught you.

Yet here you are, staring at Isaac as he lays naked on his bed with some woman on top of him, the two frozen in place at your presence, and you just feel numb.

Calmly - too calmly, you move past the bed, into the walk-in closet and grab your clothes, tossing them into your duffel bag on the ground. 

The whole reason you were even here in the first place.

Late nights at work, the weekend shifts.

How many of those had been genuine? 

You hadn’t thought much about the extra time Isaac now had to spend with you. You figured he was just moving things around with work, changing up his hours. 

Had he just been cutting back his time with…

You’re glad there’s only a couple of outfits to pack.

“Please, wait.” Isaac pleads when you stride back through the bedroom where he’s hastily pulling on a pair of shorts.

He patronised me about spending time with Bucky, meanwhile he was…

You quickly search through the living room and kitchen, grabbing anything that belongs to you.

“Let me explain.”

You’re not taking in anything Isaac’s saying. You’re still trying to understand what you saw, what is happening.

With all of your belongings zipped into the duffel bag, you stride to the front door and swing it open, tossing the house keys Isaac had given you over your shoulder as you step outside.

You had walked in resolute that you were going to move in with him, going to finally -

“Babe, please!”

Isaac’s still pursuing you, still begging.

Throwing your duffel bag on the backseat, you’ve just shut the car door when Isaac’s hand wraps around your wrist.

“Don’t touch me.” You practically growl, the sound foreign to your own ears as you slowly begin to feel something.

Isaac drops his hand like he’s been burnt, but boldly states. “It’s not what you think.”

Your mouth falls open in disbelief. 

“It’s not?” You question mockingly. “You haven’t been fucking someone else behind my back while making me feel guilty because I hung out with Bucky once? That’s not what’s happening right now?”

Turning away from him, you go to open your door but stop.

“How long?” You ask, staring at a hydrangea bush in the neighbour’s yard.

You need to know.

“Babe -”

Spinning around to face him again, you repeat “How long Isaac?”

“Almost four weeks.”

Almost four weeks? That was - that was a fucking month!

“Wow.” Is all you can spit out as you shake your head.

How did I not realise?

Isaac takes your silence as an invitation to keep talking. “She doesn’t mean anything to me babe I swear, it was just sex, just until you -”

You slap him.

It’s a knee jerk reaction that you’ll berate yourself for in hindsight. All of those moves your father taught you and you went with a slap? But your hand was already moving before you could even think about it.

“You -” Your voice wavers for a second, choked by emotion. “Don’t you dare try and use me to justify the fact that you’re a bastard with no fucking self control.” The words are venomous, but they roll off your tongue calmly. “Fuck you Isaac.”

Opening the driver’s door, you get in and slam it shut.

Isaac’s mouth is moving but you pay him no attention as you reverse out of the driveway and leave.

Your grip on the steering wheel is so tight your arms shake under the pressure, but the further you get from Isaac’s house, the more your hands relax.

There are multiple emotions clashing within you, all wanting to be let out and the eerie, calmful fury that had just been engulfing you is starting to give way to a different emotion, one that has your throat tightening and eyes itching.

You know you’re about to break down.

The feeling of your phone vibrating in your pocket cuts through your spiralling and you’re instantly reminded of the message you received only - fuck, minutes ago. A lifetime ago.

It reminds you of Bucky.

Without any contemplation, you find yourself driving to Stark Gym.

You have no idea what you’re doing. All you know is that you need someone and right now that’s him.

It should concern you that you can’t recall the drive there as you step out of the car, a tear slipping down your cheek.

No one sits behind the reception desk that you stride past on your way to the hallway Steve had led you down all those weeks ago and it plants a seed of doubt.

The lack of people and noise has you despairing as you realise that Bucky probably isn’t even here, that no one is - that you’re alone.

A few more tears fall.

It’s at that very moment you hear it. Echoes of thuds and grunts that lift your hopes and carry you to the end of the hallway.

Stepping out into the training area, you find just two people.

With his back facing you, Bucky hammers into a punching bag that Steve holds steady.

Your feet propel you forward, a shaky sigh escaping you at the sight of them - him.

Steve notices you when you’re only a few feet away and surprise lights up his face in delight before it crumples as he takes in your appearance.

Realising that Steve’s grip on the bag has gone slack, Bucky looks up and sees the blond has become distracted by something behind him. Ending his assault against the punching bag, Bucky turns around, expecting to find Peggy.

Bucky’s never felt so much so intensely when he takes in your red rimmed eyes and watery cheeks.

“Angel, what’s wrong?” His voice sounds breathy, but it has nothing to do with his prior workout, rather the speed at which he asks the question.

That’s all it takes.

The term of endearment Bucky’s newly coined you with, the concern etched on his face, and the urgency in his tone as he takes a step forward causes the dam wall to break.

You open your mouth so say something - anything, as tears stream down your face, but all that comes out is a broken sound.

Bucky’s arms open and you fall into his chest, burying your face into the material of his tank top as his arms close around you tightly, his wrapped hands anchoring you to him.

There’s solace in Bucky’s warmth and strength, as the smell of sandalwood, sweat, and something you recognise as just him envelopes you.

Glancing over at Steve, Bucky sees the same troubled expression reflected on his own face.

Bucky wants to pull you back and find out what’s made you upset, but he knows that what you need right now is to just let it all out. His stomach twists and turns with anger knowing that something or someone has done this to you.

However, he can’t deny the small joy he feels in his heart that you’ve come to him.

Placing his mouth beside your ear, one of Bucky’s hands rubs at your back while the other brushes over your hair as he whispers soft comforts.

“It’s alright angel.”

“I’m here, you’re okay.”

The two of you stay like that for quite some time - Bucky gently rocking you from side to side while you let his deep voice soothe you.

Eventually the tears stop falling and your breathing starts evening out.

Lifting your head up from the wet stain you’ve made on Bucky’s tank top, you rest it in the crook of his neck, giving an occasional small hiccup.

When Bucky senses you’ve settled, he whispers into your hair “You wanna tell me what happened angel?”

Taking a deep breath, you nod. Stepping back from Bucky, you wipe your cheeks of your remaining tears.

Bucky hides his disappointment well.

Your gaze lands on everything except him and Steve - who has been patiently waiting, as you voice “Isaac was cheating on me.”

Woah.

Saying it out loud…

Fury burns in Bucky’s chest and he almost shakes from the intensity of it.

“What?!” Steve’s reaction is more vocal.

Crossing your arms in a poor attempt to self-soothe, you still fail to meet their eyes. “I walked in on them earlier.” Though you feel tears welling in your eyes again, your voice hardens. “It’s been going on for almost a month and I’m so dumb for not realising -”

Steve’s hand around your right arm urges you to take a deep breath before finally meeting his gaze.

“He’s a piece of shit but you are not dumb.” His tone is soft but fire burns in those baby blues. “You -”

“Where?” Bucky steps forward, his face hard with anger.

You blink up at him.

“Huh?”

“No.”

Steve speaks at the same time as you, releasing your arm to grab Bucky’s instead.

“Get off me Steve, where does he live angel?”

Sighing, you shake your head. “No, it’s not worth it Bucky.”

“Not worth it?” Bucky exclaims incredulously. “He hurt you, he doesn’t get -”

“Don’t be stupid.” You enforce more harshly.

The trouble he could get into if he went out looking for a fight, the repercussions it could have on his career - Tony would kill him. You would kill him.

You can feel your tears and their corresponding emotion dissipating, giving way to another emotion fighting within you.

Steve’s trying to reason with Bucky but he’s just looking at the two of you like you’re the ones who have lost it. “I won’t let him -”

“I don’t need you to take care of my problems!” You cut off, irritated that he can’t see it’s a foolish notion.

Of course, it’s not really him you’re mad at right now, but his stupidity is drawing out the anger you’ve been waiting to feel since seeing Isaac lying on his bed with that woman.

“Yet here you are.”

Bucky regrets the words the moment they leave his mouth.

That sentence breaks you with a loud snap. That anger at Isaac, this whole situation, the past - that anger that’s been building and building over time, it all comes pouring out and the perfect target is standing right in front of you.

“Yeah, how pathetic right?” You support. “I came running to the guy who broke my heart first.”

Bucky winces, his mouth opening to apologise, to take back the heat-of-the-moment words -

“No.” You intervene, “You wanted to talk, let’s talk.”

“Maybe now isn’t the -”

“It’s as good a time as any, I’ve waited long enough!” You shout. “For five years I’ve wanted to tell you that you’re the biggest asshole on the planet!” Your hands lift on their own accord, flexing in anger. “How could you just leave without saying anything?”

“I -”

“And do not bring up that letter, it doesn’t count for shit Bucky, dammit. As if leaving behind two pieces of paper was supposed to make it all okay -”

“It wasn’t!” Bucky interrupts now, matching your tone. “I know! I know it made nothing better, but I couldn’t just leave you with nothing -”

“You never should have left me!” You rebuke, frustration making your voice more high-pitched. “You should have taken me with you, you should have told me what was going on!”

Tears are pooling in your eyes again, this time in indignation, and you feel exactly like you did that morning.

Standing on that lawn at eighteen years old, realising the love of your life was gone and god, you just - you screamed at the sky.

“I couldn’t! You - I wish I could have, shit of course I do, but I couldn’t -”

“So what?” You fume, “You decided to just fuck me and leave me?”

A pained silence falls across the room, the building, maybe the whole damn city after you speak those words.

Bucky’s eyes squeeze shut at your crude statement. “I never… it wasn’t like that, you know that.”

“Oh, do I?” You mock weakly.

Bucky opens his blue eyes, pinning you under his unyielding gaze. 

“Yes, you know that wasn’t some ‘wham bam’ bullshit. I love you and that night was special, it was real. Fuck, I tried to distance myself from you that last month, but I’m a selfish asshole who couldn’t and then that last night when you - I know I should have told you no because I was leaving in the morning but I… I couldn’t, not when I wanted that with you too and dammit, I’m so sorry.”

Tears glisten in Bucky’s steel blue eyes while they trail down your cheeks.

It feels like the wind’s been knocked out of you.

“Why -” Your voice cracks. “Why didn’t you ask me to go with you?”

A question you had repeated to yourself over and over.

“Because I knew you would have gone with me, and I didn’t want you to give up your dream, not for me.”

Shaking your head furiously, you argue “I wouldn’t have been giving up anything Bucky, you -”

“California! That was your dream. You always talked about it, long before we ever started dating and I refused to let you sacrifice it for me.”

A scream works its way up your throat only to come out as a strangled whine. “You moron!” You profess, “California was - weren’t you listening Bucky? The actual dream was something new, something different and exciting!”

“California was just where I always imagined myself finding those things, but then you came along and I fell in love. You were my new, my different and exciting. California didn’t change because you always told me you could box anyplace and dammit Bucky! I would have gone with you anywhere, I would have stayed in that town for the rest of my fucking life if it meant I got to be with you!”

Your heart hurts. You feel raw and cut open, like if you look down you’ll see you’re bleeding out onto the floor.

Bucky’s mouth opens and closes as his hands lift and drop. “I never…” He runs both his hands through his hair “I know all I’ve done is hurt you, but I never, ever meant to. I just wanted you to be happy and I didn’t think you would be in New York, and I clearly - I really fucked everything up, I know. Not a day goes by where I don’t wish I did it all differently. If I could change the past…”

“You should have told me.” You assert. “Even if it had been on the morning you left with Steve, you should have talked to me instead of leaving that letter. You should have given me closure Bucky! How was I ever supposed to really move on?”

“I know, I know, but… you did move on, didn’t you?” It’s not asked unkindly, but desperately - a need to know that he hadn’t left you with an open wound for five whole years.

“Oh yeah.” You chuckle bitterly. “Into a fantastic relationship where I got cheated on. You wanna know what bullshit Isaac threw at me as I was leaving?”

You don’t wait for a response.

“He said he was only screwing around because I was making him wait. I hadn’t slept with him yet because for some crazy reason, I had a fear of it all going to shit the moment I did.”

You’ve had sex since Bucky, some one night stands in California after cliche college parties, but there hadn’t been any emotional attachment involved. You didn’t care if they were gone by morning because you wanted them to be.

Isaac however, had been a completely different scenario.

Bucky has no idea what to say.

“I’m sorry,” He rasps.

You shrug your shoulders, chin wobbling. “Yeah.”

“I - I’d never ask you to forgive me, but I just need you to know that I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you and you were never just some girl to me, you were everything and I just… I’m sorry, I need you to know that.”

And you do. You do.

But it doesn’t change anything.

“I know.”

With that, you leave.