#actually i am reading it from the beginning (guy who still hasn't finished it in the first place) and trying to write stuff down

[desperatepleasures]

hi when does kabru show up in dungeon meshi for realsies bc I looked it up in the wiki and it said ch 10 but then he like "died" or smth so when does he come back bc im intrigued

oh!!! I don't have a functioning memory tbh but iirc his death doesn't last long :D

[97keanu]

Dave Lizewski x goth!Reader

Premise: Dave sits next to you in History, he's been secretly pining for you for ages, but he's been too scared to ask you out since you're so pretty and your goth exterior is very intimidating for him. To his surprise, he and you are paired up to finish a history assignment this weekend. Truth is, you thought he was cute too...

Tags: 18+ characters/pining!Dave/extremely nerdy and loser!Dave/hard exterior soft interior!reader/reader who despite having a crush on Dave does NOT want to admit it(tsundere!reader)/Mutual pining/mini slow burn into eventual smut/virgin!dave/submissive!Dave + switch!Dave who ends up taking control/reader on top/oral(both parties)/face sitting/edging/no condom/raw/doggy/cuddling/aftercare

A/N: Finalized version 7/8/23, fully edited. I am glad so many of you liked this and I am hoping to return to this couple in the future!

Taglist: @lazyneonrabbitt

(Ask to be tagged in upcoming one offs of Dave if you'd like!)

Imagines of these two: here and here

Jennifer's Body AU reader x Dave here

UPDATE!!! Read the direct sequel here

It's a normal Friday afternoon and Dave sits, staring out the window and daydreaming about this or that for his last class of the day. Class hasn't started yet, and what pulls Dave out of his daydream is you. You with your all black clothes, black lipstick and dark style. You walk into class as if its nothing, and every time you do Dave feels butterflies fill his stomach. He still can't believe how lucky he was to get sat next to you, even if he's way too intimidated to say anything to you.

You sit down next to him and you keep your face neutral. You know how mean this highschool has been about your style, so these days you hardly give them anything. And after you broke some jocks finger for trying to touch you in the 10th grade, people leave you alone for the most part. To your face at least. You know they probably snicker when you're not looking, but at the very least you can go on autopilot through out the day and go home to where you can really be yourself.

Dave has no idea about this, he thinks you're just the most confident chick in school, and he is in no way in your league, at all. It doesn't stop him from day dreaming about it though. He goes home and thinks about you at night, thinks about what it would feel like to actually ask you out. He's practiced saying it in the mirror a few times even, but when you sit next to him in class it's like he can't even make his voice say "Hello" let alone "Can I take you to the movies this Friday?". What kind of movies would you even like? God, its hopeless. He's doomed to sit next to you pining until senior years up and he never sees you again.

Today you sit next to him as always, headphones blaring The Cure while you ignore the world. You do steal a glance towards the guy who sits next to you in History, and quickly glance away, your dark lashes fluttering. You try not to interact with him because you know if you do, it's going to be obvious you like him. You can't help it, something about the way he's obviously so flustered by you, his big blue eyes gazing at you behind those nerdy glasses, it does something to you. Something the other students would notice and probably pick on the both of you for. Imagine it, the social outcast goth girl and the loser nerdy boy? No way, it's something you're not willing to risk after being bullied from your last school. No, its better to not think about it. Keep your headphones in and look forward, pretend you see nothing.

Your history teacher begins class, so you put away your headphones and get ready to start class. As you put them in your bag, you catch Dave's eyes. He looks like he almost wants to say something to you, and you furrow your thin and arched brows, giving off a "why are you talking to me" energy without even trying to really. It's almost second nature at this point for you, and when you see his cheeks heat up, you feel your heart jump, a mixture of feeling bad for how you come off and a hope for what he might have wanted to say. His hand nervously slides his glasses back up, his big blue eyes blinking away in embarrassment, the words unsaid falling flat in the air and your history teacher gaining the attention of the class.

You turn from Dave, obviously conflicted about what transpired, even if it was brief. It was one of the few times you two interact, but somehow when you sit next to him for this hour long class, it's as if you are interacting. You can almost feel the space between you two, and the times when his foot or your leg gets too close, bumps, barely touches, it's almost electric. It truly makes it hard to focus on class at times, but for the most part if you really fixate on what the teacher is saying, you can get by. From the looks Dave gives you at the end of class usually, he didn't hold up as well for the most part.

"This seating arrangement really was a mistake..." You muse silently to yourself inside your head, a small sigh escaping your lips.

Your teacher begins describing the next history assignment for the weekend, it's supposed to be something about fake "interviewing" someone from the history lessons from so far, or something, you're catching about half of it, but you know they pass out a more detailed paper later.

Meanwhile, Dave is beating himself up for, once again, not being able to ask you out tonight.

"C'mon man, you should have just said it!" He curses himself mentally. "Worst she could say is no right? God...with her, she might actually bite my head off..."

He's practically sweating next to you, his hand nervously tapping the table between you two lightly. Your hand, inches away is trying to take notes on what the assignment is supposed to have because you absorb it better when you actually write it out. As well as an excuse to not focus on Dave's nervous fidgeting beside you.

Dave is biting the inside of his cheek trying to game plan if he can save this, ask you at the end of class, when the teacher says something that makes his stomach drop, but his heart flutter.

"Alright, so that's the basis of the assignment, however, I would like for you to work with your table partner outside of class this weekend and choose which of you will be the interviewer and the interviewee..."

"Holy shit!" Dave could practically jump out of his seat from excitement and fear. This means he doesn't even have to actually ask you out, now you two are forced to spend time together this weekend!

"Holy shit..." You think to yourself. You feel entirely tense, as if you need to run out of the room right this instant, and your cheeks are hot under your makeup. This means you have to spend time, alone, with Dave this weekend. The truth was, you weren't even dreading it because you hate him, even if you try to convince yourself that. No, the truth was...you didn't know if you keep the charade up if you were to spend that sort of time together. Surely, surely...he would notice the crush you had been building for him for the past few months...

The teacher dismisses the class early, letting everyone figure out how they're going to make time this weekend with each other. You could turn to stone, in fact maybe you have because to your surprise it takes Dave's squeaky, unsure voice to call you name to get you out of your trance.

"Yes...Dave?" You turn, almost ridgid, but trying to be neutral, if not kind. Dave is obviously shocked, this might be the most attention he's ever scored from you!

"Well, since we're paired up, I was uh..um..." His doe eyes dart down as he speaks, finding the right words. "I was wondering if you wanted to come to my house after school to work on it?"

You can't believe it, he wants you to come over, now? No way, you can't even hardly bring yourself to move from your seat, let alone find your way over to Dave's house. You find your head giving the smallest, most timid of shakes as you stare at him with disbelief of the situation.

"Oh! Uh yeah no it's totally cool.." Dave senses the rejection and is obviously red faced as he scratches the back of his head, moving those mop of gorgeous dark curls around. "It's so sudden, you probably have big plans for a Friday night, huh?"

The way he's so obviously trying to make this work begins to melt at your icy heart. You shake your head again and immediately Dave is trying to stammer out more, but you finally find your words and work everything out.

"No, that's okay, Dave, I actually, um... I could come to your place around 7pm if that's okay?" Your usually confident self feels a bit wavered as you ask. Dave's eyes shine so brightly you think he may burst, the color in his cheeks different than before.

"Oh, that's totally awesome! I'll give you my address!" He says, with unusually less attempts to speak than normal, he must be really excited about this. You gulp at the thought, and as Dave takes a pen and rips off a piece of notebook paper, you do the same. You write down your number, in case you two need to talk at all between now and then.

You can't help yourself, you put a little black heart next to your number. It's like something has possessed you, you can't even stop yourself. "God...this is just the start..." A part of your subconscious whispers somewhere...

If you thought Dave was over the moon when you agreed to come over tonight, he's downright estactic when he sees you pass over your number.

"This is...for me??" He stares at you, mouth agape, and doesn't even realize what a dumb question that was, but you can't help but find it endearing.

"For if I get lost or something comes up..." You trail off with reasons, but you know you truly just wanted to give him your number despite your reservations. Dave totally thinks the reasons are valid though, he scrambles to put his number on the paper he passed towards you with his address.

"Oh, that makes sense here, lemme just..." His tongue pokes out the corner of his mouth as he scrawls his number. He passes it back to you again, and your cheek heat skyrockets as you see he's also put a heart. He seems pleased with himself and shy about it at the same time, as if this is a secret between the two of you.

You begin packing up after that, and look at him with your lips pursed, unable to reciprocate all he's giving you right now. As you walk away he calls out.

"Alright, see you tonight then!" And you're almost sure the whole class has eyes on your back while you walk quickly from the room, eyes down. You just hope no one decides to dig their grimy fingers into the sliver of hope that this just might work out in the way you're terrified of...

✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧✧

The sky has started to turn dark, amber meeting violet in wispy clouds above. You're looking about for the address Dave wrote down, but his writing is comparable to chicken scratch. You find the house you think is his, and decide to text the number Dave also wrote extremely poorly underneath the address. You take pause, staring at the heart he returned on the piece of paper, and wonder if you should go through with this. It's not like you can just back out either, both your grades rely on this.

"It's just studying..." You breath out into the chilled brink of nighttime air, and text him you're here.

You are surprised how soon Dave is bounding down the stairs inside before opening the door with a big smile.

"You're here! Awesome, I just got pizza ordered, it's inside!" He does everything but pull you inside, he's so excited.

You feel some of your fears evaporate as you cross the threshold of his house. It's very homey, something your house always lacked. You feel like while its not pristine, it's meant to be lived in, a place where life goes on inside. You can't remember the last time you felt that way about a place, maybe your grandma's house, once upon a time...

Dave ushers you into his kitchen where he's got pizzas and snacks laid out. You can't help but feel like this is turning out more date than study when you see the set up. Your stomach builds with butterflies as you realize he's done all this just for you. You who has ignored him, at times being borderline mean, but of course you would have had to give him the attention he deserved to have truly been mean. That would have been more than you ever had given him by a mile. "Shit..." You think to yourself as you consider the situation.

"Yeah, I figured ya know, you might be hungry and it uh, it t-takes brain power to uh do a study...study date...." He stammers out as he sees your reaction, totally trying to wring out the study from 'study date' the way you do from a wet cloth.

You can't help it, you're flattered despite yourself. No one has ever been this kind to you since you moved to your new school in 9th grade. A part of you is desperate...desperate for this attention, for this connection you so clearly don't deserve. And with a sweetheart like Dave of all people. You feel a lump in your throat, but nod, agreeing with his words. His anxiety seems to have subsided as you do, and he beams a grin at you.

"Yeah! Here lemme grab this," he takes the pizza and a can of soda for each of you with ease. "And we can head up to my room to get started?"

His room. Oh god...

Your legs follow despite everything in you feeling absolutely undeserving of this kindness, your combat boots thunking on the kitchen tiles.

He takes you upstairs to his attic room and you are surprised. As much as it's a teenage boys room, it's also quite clean, and looks really comfortable. He sets you guys up on the bed and pats a place next to him. You settle down next to him, and he flips on a TV across from the bed. You wonder how you went from being here to study, to having pizza and movie.

"I just thought we might like to watch something while we eat..." Dave says in a nervous mutter as he sees your face.

"Okay..." You say, taking a slice of pizza and nibbling a bite. With all the butterflies in there, you don't think your stomach can hold much more than a slice right now. The two of you settle into his bed, munching on slices of pizza and watching some action flick Dave's put on...

After you two are done eating, Dave moves the food stuffs out of the way, and it's just the two of you on the bed. Somehow much more intimate now that there's not a pizza box between you two. You try to focus on the movie, but you can feel Dave glancing at you for much of it.

Dave can't help himself, you just looks so gorgeous, your dark eye make up is so sharp and bold, the thought of you taking control of him, of you pushing him into his bed and using him up keeps running through his thoughts. He even tried to jack off before you came over so he wouldn't be a total horn dog, but here he is, imagining what it would be like to lean over and kiss your black lips. God...he couldn't even ask you out properly, and the only reason you're here is because of the school assignment. There's no way you would be here otherwise. "I'm such a loser..." He thinks to himself, his eyes darting away from your face when you glance over and catch him staring. Instead his eyes land on your hand, laying in between the two of you on the bed, your finger nails black like the rest of your attire.

"Maybe if I could just..." He thinks, imagining himself being bold enough to take your hand, to test the waters to see if something was there. It would be enough that he could see if you have any interest, but wouldn't be as awkward as what he wants to do, which is lean over, take your delicate face in his hands and look you in the eye before kissing you as deeply as he can. Yes, holding hands would go over better than that, he has to tell himself. He feels shaky as one of his hands reaches up to push his glasses back into place, focusing himself to complete the task of holding your hand. The movie plays on...

After what seems like ages of Dave having an internal debate, he raises his hand slowly, deliberately, making a move towards your hand. You seem to be caught in the movie right now, the film is nearing it's climax as you two sit beside each other. If all goes wrong, he'll just pull his hand back and pretend he didn't mean to move it there. "Yeah, like that will work..." The voice in his head chides. It's too late now, he's already practically doing it, his hand hovering over yours before slowly dropping it down, the heat of his hand meeting yours, before softening into a hold.

You let out a small gasp, but don't pull your hand away. Dave is at a loss for words, he doesn't know how to explain it away, he IS holding your hand, and it's clear he doesn't mean it in a friendly way from how red his cheeks get. All you can do is stare at him right now, it's like time passes by in molasses, sticky and sweet. You can't believe it, he's really making a move on you...

What surprises you more is the fact that when your body catches up to your brain, you're moving towards him with fervor. Your other hand comes to the side of his face and you're crushing your lips against his. The movie is forgotten, as well as your inhibitions. Your lips tingle when they meet his, and you can't help yourself, somehow his small innocent touch has caused the dam you built inside yourself to stay away from him to collapse. You're working your lips into his like he's the air you breathe, and Dave is so caught off guard he's letting you, moving along with you as his guide.

"Oh my god, she's kissing me...I'm kissing a girl!" Dave thinks to himself, totally blown away, his eyes wide at first before melting into your kiss, his glasses only sort of getting in the way.

"God...I can't help it...he's so nerdy and sweet, I need to know what his body is like..." You think to yourself, your hands moving wildly into his mess of curly hair, gripping and tugging him into your kiss.

It's the type of kiss that almost hurts its so wanted.

You find yourself pulling away for a moment to catch your breath, and you see your black lipstick smudged both on Dave's pouty, plump from being kissed lips, as well as your own from the reflection of his glasses. You look as if you've totally given in, your eyes filled with a desire you've never seen before. You look back into Dave's vibrant blue eyes and see he's completely at your will.

"P-please...don't stop..." He whispers, those eyes of his pleading for you to continue. God, you want to fuck his brains out right here, and at this rate you think you will.

What surprises you next is Dave taking a bit of control, his own hands wrapping around your waist and bringing you on top of him, his hands grabbing into your gothic hair style, and your lips colliding once again as Dave let's out a whimper into your kiss. You can't help but moan back, the sound a dull vibration between your lips. Dave kisses sloppily, he wants you so bad and he's never kissed a girl before, that much is clear. You bite his lower lip to slow him down and take control, his body jumping from the bite, and where your legs straddle him you can feel his hardness against you as he bucks. God, he's like putty in your hands.

Dave can hardly contain himself, his hands roam your body freely, at some point one of his hands finds it's way under your skirt, gripping your hips and running along your stomach. He doesn't want to go too north or south without your permission, scared to run you and the pleasure you're giving him off. You can tell, and moan in a way that signals your frustration, before releasing your hands from where they're knotted in his curls and grabbing his wrists. You guide his hands underneath your shirt and sit up on him, letting him explore your breasts over your bra as you slip your shirt off and quickly discard it on his floor. As you look down, Dave's eyes are wider than ever, totally encapsulated by your body, his mouth hanging open and stained with your dark lipstick.

"God...you're so sexy..." He mumbles, not even sure what he's saying, just that he's in total awe of you. He's wanted this for so long he feels like he's accidently just convinced himself that you're really here, really doing this. It's as if you're a dream come to life instead of actually straddling him on his bed.

You reach back and undo your bra, the straps sliding down slowly before you pull your bra over your head, your breasts falling out. Dave doesn't need to be told to grab them, he's getting the hang of this. He feels the softness of your chest before exploring your nipples playfully. You smirk down at him as your hips ride him fully clothed.

"Would you like to taste them...?" You say slyly, almost savoring his reaction, knowing how excited he is. All he can do is nod eagerly and say 'Please'. You lean down and let Dave cup your breasts, pulling one of them to his mouth and sucking hungrily. He has dreamed of this moment, thought of it before bed with his cock in his left hand. He never thought he would actually be here, playing with your nipples in his mouth, switching sides so your other breast doesn't feel lonely.

You continue to grind against him, his already hard cock feeling as if he will cum just from you dry humping him. You can feel it twitching, aching to be released from his pants. You slide down his body, his mouth popping off your breast with a soft pop! before he gives out a whine that he wanted more. He looks down at you as you reach his pants, and playfully stare up at him with your devilish, make up smeared smile. Somehow knowing he's messed up your perfect goth make up is turning him on. He even finds himself imagining if he could ruin it more by cumming on your pretty little face. He wonders if you would ever let him and groans as you begin pulling his pants down and letting his cock free.

You're surprised not for the first time tonight, and not for the last. Dave's cock is huge! You had no idea this little nerd was packing so much heat, it's way longer and girthier than any cock you've seen up until now, and even putting your black manicured hand around it is making your hands look so small in comparison. Dave seems almost shy about his cock, he shifts nervously as you gaze at it, mouth slightly agape at his size, and Dave wonders if you don't like it.

"Is it...okay?" He finally squeaks out from nerves, and your eyes dart back up to his, dragging out of the trance the sight of his cock put you in. You begin to stroke him and nod.

"More than okay..." You say as you feel your cheeks heat up, your mouth watering just thinking about sucking him off. You hear Dave whimper out from your touch, his back arching into you, his hips bucking for more already. He feels so sensitive, as if your touch is too much.

"Please be careful...I don't know how long I can last..." He warns you, and the idea that you get to edge him until you want him to cum has your legs clenching from the wetness unraveling there. You can't believe how your body reacts to his, it's as if every little thing he does has your stomach coiled and shivers running up and down your body. You look him in the eyes as you place your mouth over the tip of his thick cock.

He closes his eyes in pleasure just from that, and you pause. You know you'll be doing a lot of stopping and starting, going so slow, just to keep him from blowing his load early. Dave is glad once again that he has already cum a few times today, if not he would have definitely came from you dry humping him earlier. He moves a hand to your hair, holding and petting you as you begin to go deeper, bobbing up and down in a rhythm that keeps him on his toes. He can't believe how hot and wet your mouth is, and you leave black rings on his cock as you go.

You suck his cock with purpose, finding out what gets him going very easily, and putting a stop to it before he goes too far. He's a whining mess, breathing hard and husky, his voice coming out in a quiver as he speaks your name, begging you. When you think he's had as much as he can take right now, your lips satisfyingly pop off his cock, and you look him in the eyes, his cock beside your sweet face.

"Now that I've tasted you Dave...I think it's your turn to taste me..." Dave's eyes are heavy with want, but they widen as he realizes what you're getting at. Truly, you can't even believe you're so eager for him, but you've fought it for so long you can't anymore. You know what you want in this instance, and your body isn't letting your brain ruin this for you. You take off your bottoms, leaving you naked before him, his eyes grazing your body with need.

You put your knees on either side of his face, and Dave looks up at you with those gorgeous blue eyes as he stares up from under your pussy.. You worried a bit if he would shy away from it, some men can be afraid of eating women out, especially their first time doing it. But Dave has literally imagined over and over what it would be like to have you sit on his face and to eat you up like his life depended on it. And he does just that.

Without having to give him any pointers, he grabs your hips and presses your pussy onto his face, his tongue going to town right away. He begins with your clit first, sucking the whole thing right away, and you actually have to cry out, your thighs almost crushing his head.

"Sensitive! Wait!" Is all you can say, and Dave seems to get the memo, beginning to swirl his tongue around your clit, playing with it before lightly lapping at it, sometimes with his tongue pointed, others with it flat and tasting all of you. Dave is grateful he ever cared to look up online how to do this properly, even though at the time he never thought he would ever get to use this knowledge.

You're surprised when he even begins to tongue your wet hole, playing with you there before dragging his tongue back up to play with your clit. He isn't perfect at it for his first time, and you likely won't cum from just this, but god does his tongue feel good down there. Dave is definitely not embarrassing himself in this catergory. He even presses your hips, pushing your pussy further on his face, practically suffocating under you from time to time, before releasing himself, his hot breath tickling your pussy. He looks up at you every so often with such a submissive look you can barely believe it. He loves being beneath you, you taking from him just how you like it. His cock is still hard and twitching, you reach back just to give it a feel and you can tell his cock has calmed enough you could probably get on top without him spilling in you right away.

"I want you inside me, Dave..." You whisper down at him, as you pull your pussy off him and he opens his eyes, completely drunk off your pussy, your wetness glistening on his lips.

"Anything you want..." He replies, his eyelids heavy and pleased with everything so far. He wants to make sure you're satisfied.

"In that case, I'm going to cum on your cock Dave...I need you to hold out til I'm finished..." You're voice is so soft, but commanding at the same time, which Dave is crazy for. You can see he's nervous about it still, worried he will disappoint and cum too early, but he nods with determination.

You move down, and position yourself over his red, hard cock. You look him in the eyes as you slowly lower yourself, his tip gliding in, stretching you out already.

"Fuck...." You moan out, your eyes closing as you take him inch by inch. He is completely enamored, watching you closely, and so confused as to how someone as hot and intimidating as you is fucking herself on his cock. You bite your messy lip as you find yourself struggling to fit him all, he makes you feel so full. When you finally do, you let yourself sit there for a moment and take it all in, enjoying the feeling of being so completely filled.

"God, Dave...your cock is so big..." You murmur out and Dave can't believe you think his cock is big, he never realized that, he knew it wasn't small but somehow he had convinced himself he wasn't that big either.

Eventually, you begin rocking your hips, moving up and down as you both gasp from pleasure. You use your hands to steady yourself on his chest while your other hand begins to touch your sensitive clit, working it until it feels amazing, heat flooding you.

Dave holds onto your hips and helps you move on him, sometimes going slower to stop himself. He wants to fill you up so badly it hurts, his stomach and muscles are so tight, his arm muscles clenching and showing themselves as his big hands guide your hips. You can feel yourself getting closer and closer by the minute.

"Dave, you're going to make me cum..." You whisper out as you begin to feel it. Dave looks at you with worry, and asks you something you forgot to talk about before getting wrapped up on the heat of the moment.

"If you cum, I'm going to cum...do we need a condom?" He says, his brows furrowed. You thank god you are on reliable birth control right now.

"It's okay, I have birth control, go crazy..." You say off handedly, not expecting much change in reaction.

Somehow, hearing you tell him to 'go crazy' starts something in him. He almost hesitates, but there's something he really wants to try. You can tell by the look on his face that he is planning something, and with a slight nod you silently tell him to go for it.

Dave quickly lips you off his cock and effortlessly tosses you onto the bed face first. You gasp out, the power dynamic shifting in that moment. You didn't know he was that strong...

He grabs your hips and ass and pulls them into his cock, easily slipping back inside your wet folds and pushing himself so deep you had no idea he could even do that. You moan out his name and grip the pillows beneath you, suddenly feeling like the submissive one now.

"Fuck, Dave..." You breath out and shudder as he fucks you so deeply you can hardly breath right. "I didn't know you could be this...dominant..."

Dave almost chuckles at your comment, but he agrees silently. Something about you letting him fuck you like this has emboldened him, he grips you harder, playing with your ass as he goes. Squishing and squeezing it, enjoying the feel of it in his hands.

You move so one of your hands can be under you, fumbling for your wet clit once again. You moan out Dave's name loudly as he fucks you deeply, your ass bouncing against his thighs with satisfying slaps. Dave can feel you clenching as you get closer, and it's so hard for him to contain himself. He wants to spill inside you so badly, his face scrunches up from the thought, he has to bite his lip to think of something else, even if it's the pain of biting.

"Please...I can't hold on much longer..." He says between heavy breaths and calling your name.

You focus, finding the sweet spot and so lost in his cock fucking you that suddenly your legs are locking up as your pussy clamps down on his cock, your climax spilling over the edge as you moan Dave's name. Dave pounds you harder as you do this, needing to to keep up as you clench around him so tightly it makes it hard to fuck you. Almost as soon as you reach your peak, Dave is thrusting his final thrusts into you, his cum welling up and shooting off inside of you, making a total mess of your pussy. You cry out as he does this and Dave groans loudly, his body shaking and his cock twitching as it finishes releasing.

When he's done, he stays there for a moment before carefully pulling out, his cum dripping onto the bed, and the tip of his cock so sensitive he has to rush to pull the end out so it doesn't hurt.

Dave doesn't even care anymore about being shy with you, he pulls you onto him and snuggles onto your hair, taking deep breaths.

"That was amazing...I can't believe you let me do that..." He whispers into your hair, he could almost cry from how emotional and raw he feels right now, but he holds it back as best he can, not wanting to cry during sex even though you wouldn't have held it against him anyways.

He holds you for a long time, and during that time you can't even speak, the afterglow of your breath and sweaty bodies speaking for itself. You never wanted to let Dave in, and now here you are, full of his cum and sore from his cock, while you lay naked in his bed, cuddling. You end up blocking out any negative thoughts, and realize that it was so worth it. You move and snuggle into his neck, petting his chest, and musing lightly into his skin.

"I'm glad I came over, Dave..." You end up saying, because that's how you feel about all of this. Dave pets your hair and laughs lightly.

"I'm glad you came over too..."

There's no way that history project is getting done tonight.

[chzdavmpr]

Goodnight Punpun Reading Diary Volume 2

Content Warning: I try to avoid going in detail about the more explicit parts of this story, but this does book gets real explicit for a while, so I'll still warn here that this post will discuss a plot point about abuse and sexualization of a minor. Also if you plan on reading this book yourself PLEASE LOOK UP THE TRIGGER WARNINGS FIRST CAUSE THAT'S JUST THE ONE I CAN'T AVOID TALKING ABOUT

Theory: perhaps "God" represents a part of Punpun's inner thoughts. (Note: I tend to be pretty bad at picking up on themes and symbolism in a story before finishing it, so for some of you that statement is probably pretty obvious.)

There's 2 of him now???

With the wager Punpun and Yaguchi set up it's very much them ignoring Aiko being her own person, but for different reasons. For Punpun he's in his incel arc but for Yaguchi it very much he more has his own issues in how he sees himself that he needs to overcome before he's ready for any relationship.

In volume 1 I thought Punpun's uncle was a chill dude, but he not only has a pretty cynical outlook at life, but he thinks his own sister should die just for having armpit hair, but gets off to a vhs labeled "high school hotties" and now I think I hate him. [Note from after finishing the volume: it get's worse. Now I 100% hate him]

Ok so either we are getting guy-with-afro lore that he works the this karaoke bar, or he's just a gag character that the author puts everywhere for no reason

Uh oh. UH OH. I see where this flashback is going STOP USING THE SAME WORDS YOU USED FOR THE POTTERY TO DESCRIBE THE 16 YEAR OLD!

As of the end of "part 3" I am very uncomfy. And that's probably the point, it forces the reader to be like "that's fucked up" and then look back at that whole date scene that was played mostly wholesome and say "this whole situation is fucked up" (which they probably should have already but the legacy of Scott Pilgrim has taught that you can never be too obvious with this stuff).

They have a lot of zoom ins on Yuichi's eyes in the scene where he brings- what's her name again (checks list of important characters at beginning of part 4) oh shit her name hasn't even been said. That makes this even worse then I thought.

Back to the point though, the scene in Yuichi's apartment has a lot of zoom ins on his eyes being drawn in a more human and realistic manner. I think this is to remove that "goofiness that undercut the darkness" I talked about for Vol 1. If this scene played out and was constantly showing Yuichi as a little bird in a crude artstyle it would make it easier to look past the monstrous behaviour of him by writing him off as "silly." But I feel the author really wants you to stew in the uncomfortability of this so that you really grasp that Yuichi is a bad guy.

Since Yuichi is the one telling this story, I wonder if he's lying about any details, in particular I wonder if he did actually go all the way with the 16 year old. I hope I'm wrong, but there is a chane.

WHY THE HELL IS THE CAFE GIRL STILL INTERESTED IN HIM? Honestly that makes me highly suspicious of her, cause I don't buy "love at first sight" for an appropriate motive to still be interested in a guy significantly older then you, who you've gone on ONE date with, who just told THAT story. Honestly I hope that there's more to her motive cause if not I will be honestly disappointed in that character writing.

Wait the guy who attempted to murder the mom and then set himself on fire isn't either dead or in prison? He's just fine?

The appearance of another "God" who is a different face raises a lot of questions and I don't think I have enough info to piece together an answer rn.

It's definitely healthier then being dead, but this relationship with Yuichi and cafe-girl doesn't seem healthy at all.

"God" opened his eyes. I wonder what that could mean.

So it looks like there will be a 2-year timeskip at the end of each book. Assuming Punpun was like 8 in Vol 1 he'll be like 20 in the last. Interesting.

Closing thought on the volume: This is honestly more what I expected going into Volume 1. I would no longer call this a "dark comedy." We are in full on dark drama now, just with some goofy elements.

Looking back at my notes I had a whole lot more to say about Yuichi's story then I did Punpun's, and I'm trying to think about why that is. Cause Punpun's story is one which I feel I probably should have more to say about but most of the time I'm just kinda along for the ride and don't end up having much to write notes about. The only thing I can think of that I probably could comment on is how Yaguchi is like the only morally good character (except maybe cafe-girl) in this whole volume.

I think part of this is that Punpun himself isn't really the strongest character to me. I know about him, how he feels, what he wants, but him rarely talking and has almost non-existent body language so his scenes flow weird. He can't really bounce off the other characters. I hope that by the end of this story I have less of an issue with this.

While reading this volume I also, as an exercise to get better at media literacy, tried to ask "what is Goodnight Punpun about?" What is the main thing this story is trying to tell? My conclusion so far is that I have no idea. My best guess is it has something to do with how being surrounded by negative influence can make someone worse. Which I guess isn't the worst first attempt at figuring out the theme. But with later reading diaries we'll check back in with this theme and see if it holds up.

Also I realized I only used 1 image for this, and it was for basically a background detail. I should be more liberal with them next time.

[dragonsareawesome123]

2, 5, 8, 19 & 25 for the end of year tv shows asks!

2. Favorite TV show you’ve watched/discovered this year.

-I'm gonna exclude Bad Buddy from this bc only the last few eps aired this year and say A Tale of Thousand Stars and Triage. I actually put off watching ATOTS for a bit bc the plot synopsis on MyDramaList didn't really interest me but boy was I wrong about that initial first impression bc it's now my number 2 fav BL, closely after Bad Buddy. Rich college boy almost dies, gains a new perspective on life, and decides to go teach in a poor village and meets and falls in love with another guy there. Lots of pining, staring and fated romance ensues and creates a story so romantic and emotionally moving, helped by Earthmix's incredible chemistry. It's the BL to me that feels most like reading a really good romance novel. What's not to love? Triage is now my number 3 fav BL (topping WOH, which surprised me bc I didn't think that I'd be moving WOH from that spot for a good while). Resident doctor gets trapped in a time loop and can't get out until he saves the life of a rich college boy, and in the process, falls in love with him of course. However while trying to do so, the resident doctor discovers that this may not be that simple as he begins to uncover a whole conspiracy that's been happening right under his nose. I've been hyperfixating on this show for months now and still am (although I think Never Let Me Go coming out in a little over a week might pull me out of that bc I'm already going feral over that show). It's time loop medical drama romance with murder and corrupt higher ups and it's also basically a spinoff of Manner of Death since they take place in the same universe and this show sets up the plot of Manner of Death's sequel, Transplant. Tin and Tol are my blorbos who I would die for and I'm so happy that they got to have their happy ending after the hell they went through to get it (They better have a cameo in Transplant where they're just vibing like Tanbun's cameo in Triage). Honestly I've already said so much about this show these past few months so I'll just leave it at that before I start writing a dissertation about how much I love this show. Am just gonna add that I'm very mad about AIS Play for making this show basically impossible for international fans to watch legally. I hope they make this show more accessible to international fans sometime in the near future especially since it's gonna be necessary to watch this before watching Transplant.

5. Favorite ship you discovered this year.

-Tian and Phupha from A Tale of Thousand Stars and Tin and Tol from Triage. Village gays and time loop gays my beloveds <3 (Also thank you P'Aof for giving Phutian back to me next year even if it's just for an ep!!! ATOTS special ep let's go!!!!!)

8. A ship that finally got (back) together this year.

-Erin and James from Derry Girls!!! I'm so happy that Season 3 confirmed that they were each other's endgame romances. Oh, and also while this hasn't aired yet, it's gonna start and finish airing by the end of the month, so also Lyra and Will from His Dark Materials. I know their romance doesn't really last that long because I've read the book but it's still going to be incredibly sweet and heartbreaking while it lasts.

19. A TV show that shouldn’t have been cancelled this year.

-First Kill. FUCK Netflix for cancelling this show when it literally had the views! Netflix hates sapphics and it shows.

25. Rec me a TV show I should watch next year!

-Hm, well I'd obviously recommend Triage to everyone bc it's truly one of the best BLs of the year and it's criminally underrated. I'd also recommend GMMTV's The Gifted and The Gifted: Graduation bc they're just so good. It's a series about a school with a program where they basically train kids with superpowers. Nanon Korapat plays the main protagonist and he's absolutely INCREDIBLE in it. It's not a BL but there is definitely something gay going on between Nanon and Chimon's characters, especially in The Gifted: Graduation.

Ask me about TV shows I watched this year

[procrastinatorimagines]

Subtlety is Key

Fandom: The Rookie

Series: One Shot

Pairing/s: Tim Bradford x Reader

Warning/s: none

Word Count: 1,171

Request: Hey ^^ I read your latest Tim Bradford story and it was amazing! So I was wondering, if you could write another one. YN has a crush on Tim and he noticed it a while ago. After some time he likes her back and begins to slightly flirt with her. At first she doesn’t notice it and moves on like normally, until Tim invited her for dinner. :)

@emii-chuu

It was frustrating, getting embarrassed and flustered in front of Tim, you were a police officer for god's sake, but you couldn't help it. It was, well, Tim.

If you knew that he'd actually noticed, you'd probably have handed in your notice on the spot, but to Tim's credit, he brushed it off. You never said anything, and although your interactions were a little awkward when it was just the two of you, you were both professionals, and good friends, and he told himself that mixing work and romance was a line he'd never cross.

Recently, though, he'd started to notice himself... noticing you more. You were easy to talk to and easy to be around, and he half consciously, half unconsciously let himself start to cross that line, his self-control slipping, and tested the waters with a bit of harmless flirting.

You hadn't reacted yet. At least, no more than usual. And after a couple of weeks, he started to think you'd move past your feelings for him afterall.

As for you, you told yourself he was just being nice. Very nice, oddly nice, but still, nice.

Lucy and Angela, however, had a little more to say about it than that.

"Seriously Y/N, he's been flirting with you for weeks!" Lucy insisted, exasperated at the circles the conversation was going in, but amused all the same.

Lucy was leaning against Angela's desk ad the detective sat in her chair after a day of supporting her with a case. They'd been on you about this all day.

"No he hasn't, he's just being nice," the countered like a broken record, convincing yourself less and less each time.

Even so, you don't want to read into something that isn't there and make things awkward between you and Tim, so you'll assume he's just being nice until he tells you otherwise directly.

"Tim?" Lucy looked from you to Angela with a raised brow and a smirk, then back to you, "just being nice? Have you met him?"

"She has a point," Angela told you and you laughed, stepping to the side to let a couple of officers pass, the day coming to an end.

"Guys come on, there's nothing there for him," you told them both, lowering your voice a little. The office might be emptying, but people could still overhear.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Angela said pointedly.

"Yeah Y/N, trust me, I've been riding with him for a while now, so when I tell you he likes you, I mean he really likes you," Lucy added for emphasis, the women finishing each other's thoughts in a way that told they'd had this conversation behind your back too

You shook your head and laughed, checking your watch; "well as much as I'm enjoying this conversation - or, intervention - it's high time I got going home."

"Uh huh, you're avoiding this," Lucy accused, pushing herself up from the desk to grab her bag from the floor.

"Of course I am," you replied with a curt nod, turning on your heels with a wave to exit the building, and the conversion.

"You shouldn't!" Angela called as you walked away, both women laughing from behind you and you couldn't help but chuckle about it yourself. They were relentless.

You were still thinking about the conversation as you made your way to the parking lot, your mind a million miles away.

"Y/N," your name from behind made you jump as a hand touched your shoulder. Whirling around you were a split second from flipping the person who had caught you off guard to the ground, when you registered who it was.

"You know sneaking up, on a cop trained in hand to hand isn't very smart," you pointed out to Tim who held up his hands and took a step back, grinning.

"Sorry, I did say your name," he told you and you both laughed.

"Oh oops, I must have been miles away," you apologised, your heart still pounding as you tried to play it off casually.

You tried to keep eye contact as he returned your gaze but you had to glance away, your thoughts going back to what Angela and Lucy had said. Damn it.

"Heading home?" He asked, hands going in and out of his pockets like he didn't know what to do with them. If you didn't know better, you'd say he seemed nervous.

"Yeah I'm starving," you told him, eyes tracking to his hands. He noticed and kept them firmly at his sides.

He took a pause and then said quickly; "you maybe want to grab dinner?"

"With- with you?" The question caught you off guard and you had to check if you'd heard correctly.

"Yeah I mean, no pressure I just thought I'd ask, if not-" he self-consciously rubbed the back of his neck and looked down.

Tim Bradford? Asking you out? Was this actually happening?

"No, I mean yes, I mean-" This was not happening the way you imagined it in your head.

"I know what you mean, I think" he smiled with relief and pause, adding after a thought: "I do mean dinner like a date by the way."

The clarification made you laugh. "I just, didn't expect you to want to ask me out," you admitted.

Tim met your eyes with fondness, and a little bit of nervousness as he stumbled through what he said next. "Look I, well I'm not entirely... blind? I did notice you might have had a thing for me-" Heat rushed to your face and your eyes went wide, oh god. "-and Lucy then got it in my head, of course, but we work together and I figured it was better just to move on, but recently, that's been a little difficult. I thought I'd, well, test the waters by flirting with you to see if you were still interested or if I'd missed my shot, but you didn't seem to notice I was doing that,"

"I- er- no I just-" you laughed and shook your head, face still warm. "Let me start over; I might have liked you for a bit, but you didn't seem to feel the same way so I never said anything, then I just assumed you were being nice, which again, Lucy tried to convince me otherwise."

"She really is a meddler isn't she," Tim said, though his tone suggested he didn't mind.

"Yes she is." You were definitely going to give her a hard time for this tomorrow.

"Look it really is no pressure on the dinner, if those feelings have passed," Tim's tone was serious, giving you an out without making things awkward, not that you needed it.

"No, I'd... like to go to dinner with you," you answered, still not quite believing this was happening.

"Yeah?" He checked.

"Yeah." You confirmed.

"Good," he nodded, unable to stop himself from smiling as you left together, and you found yourself doing the same.

Okay, so maybe he'd had feelings for you after all.

[nyerus]

I just finished TGCF, and I'm kinda "confused"...I enjoyed it and I love Hualian, but.... One of the biggest issue I have with TGCF is... What is Xie Lian's motivation? What drives him to move forward in the story? What is even the whole story's purpose?

Like when you read Harry Potter, you know immediately that Voldemort is the bad guy and he must be defeated. Or in SVSSS, it was clear since the beginning that Shen Yuan's mission is to fix the "Proud Immortal Demon Way" if he wants to survive......

Am I missing something here....? Cause it's very different from when I read the other 2 books by MXTX....(For me : MDZS > SVSSS > TGCF)

Sorry if I'm wrong in trying to say what I mean...I did not mean to rant negatively here...Thanks if you want to answer, feel free to ignore it....Also, thanks for your hard work in this blog....

Hello there anon, and thanks for stopping by!

So I think the structure of TGCF can lend itself to the feeling of "what is the narrative's purpose," but to me it was pretty clear and so I think I can walk you through what I felt while reading!

So TGCF unlike a lot of other stories we may be used to starts out in media res -- much like MDZS, and I'll come back to this later -- and we are dropped into the story near the end of Xie Lian's classic hero's journey. Everything in the beginning parts of it have already happened. We get glimpses of these past moments in books 2 and 4, namely his "call to adventure" and "growth" in book 2, followed by his "ordeal/crisis" and "transformation" in book 4. This is why he can seem a bit aimless at the start of book 1 -- because he is. He's sort of between phases here, because he hasn't fully overcome his "ordeal" or "atonement," or reached his "apotheosis." The details or order of these phases can be debated, but the point I'm trying to make here is that Xie Lian not being at a recognizable start of his hero's journey can make his narrative seem aimless -- but in the grand scheme of things, it's not actually aimless. He's a vastly different person than he was when we are shown where he started out, so we as readers know that many things have already happened. We just aren't shown in full detail, and only ever privy to the most crucial/important parts. This can be off-putting to some readers, while others flourish with the unknown. It just depends on the type of things you enjoy!

The story itself is actually pretty similar to MDZS. Main character returns after a long absence, just kind of wants to vibe in all honesty, but is thrown into a series of messes. These happen to actually be related to the big bag at the end, whose identity the main character is trying to find out but has little information to go off on, due to machinations beyond his knowledge or control. He is assisted by an extremely capable love interest who knew him in the past, and due to that, is presently totally in love with him. As each successive plot point unfolds, the bigger picture of who's holding all the strings at the end becomes clearer. After the big bag is stopped, the hero's previously tarnished reputation is somewhat salvaged, and they have their peaceful happily-ever-after with their love interest. They also go on to do what they want to do post-canon, now with a home to return to after each adventure. Though they didn't cause (or want to cause) vast systemic changes, they still triumphed over forces of "evil" and made way for progress.

MXTX seems to really love this type of overall structure, and I think she did a masterful job using it twice but making the stories so vastly different, yet enjoyable on their own merits! (Also I think for this reason, Xie Lian and Wei Wuxian would be great friends haha!)

Xie Lian's motivations were also very clear to me throughout the novel. As a young upstart, he has lofty goals of ascending to godhood and doing the most he could to help others. He get this very, very early -- too early, in fact, and it leads to his downfall, though that itself is engineered by someone vested in seeing him fail (Jun Wu). As various trails and tribulations are thrown at him, Xie Lian is at any moment trying to just keep going, trying to do the right thing even when it's not possible. This leads to a point in his life where he just breaks and after having all his hope and light taken from him, he sees no point in his own dreams or desires. He sinks into the comfort of darkness for time, but before he lets it fully take him, he finds a reason to pull himself back out -- thanks to the fragile warmth of kindness. He realizes that no, he was not wrong in wanting to help others. However, it isn't like Xie Lian, then fettered as he is, can do much but help people in an individual basis. He can do nothing but his best, and often times, his best simply isn't enough. The odds are ever insurmountable, but he knows he still has to climb, no matter how weary. Because there is nothing else he can do.

And I think that last point is very important as well. I talked about why things may feel aimless due to the structure in the begging of this answer, but now in terms of the actual story: Xie Lian himself feels aimless, because for 800 years, he has done nothing but wander and roam. What else is he to do. He's helped people however he can, but is cursed to cause more misfortune to people should he try and stay. It severely limits what he can do, but nor is Xie Lian so naive at this point to think he can solve people's problems for them if he were to stay anyway. No, that's been... stabbed out of him by now. So when the story starts, Xie Lian is pushed and pulled in various directions by the plot, and has no choice but to go along with it. (Again, this is not that different than Wei Wuxian's rebirth; plot happens to him, and he goes with it.) All the while, we also have to keep in mind that a lot of his struggle is not necessarily with the external world. A lot of it is internal. He harbors extreme guilt and trauma that he has never processed, or allowed himself to process. It weighs down his every step, and keeps him from bearing his heart to someone he knows loves him -- out of sheer fear.

From a narrative standpoint, Hua Cheng's role is to help Xie Lian overcome this internal struggle. To release him from the shackles that are made of his own guilt, more metaphorically, though he does so literally as well. From thereon, Xie Lian is able to have that moment of self-actualization and triumph over his adversary, who is who intentionally all too similar to him in many ways. It's symbolic all around, including his victory that sees a merciful end to a villain like whom Xie Lian could have become -- but didn't.

All in all, TGCF read to me much like any other fantasy novel, including character motivations. It's just that they were very personal rather than being more grandiose. The effects were still somewhat far-reaching, with Heaven now having to rebuild, it's power structure irrevocably changed, and so on. The person who Xie Lian became after all his struggles didn't want to go on to become some lauded hero. He wanted to settle down with his beloved and continue to help people in ways that still mattered, since he anyways cannot change all of society to expunge systemic ills -- Heavenly Emperor or not. He knows he can bring hope and change to people's lives, and that on it's own is worth it. More over, he let himself accept his desire to want to be loved by someone else -- something he always thought he was unworthy to dare even wish for. To have someone who loved him for who he was, and whom he could love like that in return. He learns how to want things for himself, not just what he can provide for others.

It's refreshing to read a protagonist who isn't extremely enthusiastic about the greater ongoings of the world and trying to make everything different in said world. In TGCF we get a very character-focused, personal story in which things happen as the narrative progresses. They all tightly link back to not only the protagonist's story, but the bigger picture in the end. Xie Lian still has a very, very clear motivation to put an end to Bai Wuxiang once and for all as well, though unlike Voldemort being revealed so early on in HP, Bai Wuxiang is revealed partway through. And thereon, his true identity being someone Xie Lian genuinely trusted and even relied on -- instead of just someone that was at best tangentially related in some which way -- further lends itself to his personal struggle. Even if he is genuinely afraid, he knows he cannot suffer Bai Wuxiang/Jun Wu to continue "living." So he has both a dire external foe, and internal issues to address. And, well, I think that's a pretty good plot overall!

[cf56]

Having read your Yax break-up fic, I have to ask, what is your true opinion on the ship? If you have answered this before already, I apologize for asking something that has been asked before. And I hope whatever the answer is won't put you in trouble with the online community.

When I first saw the Yax ship come around, I was mostly just confused. I had no idea where it came from. Why was Yakko dating this guy from another franchise, an entirely different universe? And, I will make a shameful admission: I've never watched A Goofy Movie beginning to end, or the Goof Troop at all. So the confusion was multiplied.

I think the implication you're trying to make is that I'm against the ship. I was worried when I posted that fic that people might get that idea, but that isn't the case at all! Yes, I was skeptical for a long time. Unwittingly, though, I came around. It was hard not to when so much unbelievably high quality art and writing coming from the fandom centered around this ship. And, of course, I understood the reasons for the seemingly strange pairing- Yakko has no natural ship in his own universe, except possibly Buster Bunny. Fandom culture had to give him something.

Now I am entirely on board. Maybe not the utmost supporter of the ship like some people who only ever create Yax content (which is not a bad thing), but I like it. The thing is, I'm not a ship writer. When looking for concepts to write about, I focus on the story above all. I'm not against writing about ships, not at all, but if I'm going to do it the story has to be interesting beyond the ship itself. It has to have a greater reason to exist. That's where the Yax breakup fic ("Too Much") came from. I saw an opportunity for good angst, and I took it. I didn't write it because of the ship. It wasn't in support of Yax or against it. I wrote it because I wanted to write Yakko in a breakup situation.

That said, that isn't where it ends. The reason I haven't written more Yax content or more ship content is general isn't because I'm against doing so, but because it's low down on my priority list. I have several ideas for ship fics, Yax and otherwise, that I plan to put out there someday. I have an idea for an entire Yax ship chapter fic on its own, set in the 90's, and even a possible sequel to "Too Much" where they work on their issues and get back together. In fact, I will be holding my 100 followers contest soon (finally), where followers can win a story written by me, and people will be able to ask for Yax. Besides that, though, that "someday" is probably pretty far out. Especially when it takes me two years to get halfway finished with a medium length 14 chapter story...

Thank you for asking! It hasn't been asked about before, and I actually have wanted to talk about it for awhile, but there was never an appropriate opportunity to do so. And I will always love when someone asks anything at all related to my writing.

Before I go, I have to plug the only fanart that's ever been created about my work, which I still can't get over (by masteroffakesmiles): https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/masteroffakesmiles/682330458515800064

[jarchaeology]

TV Guide Online Q&A with Jensen Ackles - 12/19/97

Robyn: Days of Our Lives is my fave soap and you are so great! I am a teen myself, and I think you are so cute! How did you get interested in acting? What were your first jobs?

Jensen: My father was an actor - and still is, actually - in Dallas. So I kind of grew up with it. I took theater in high school. It was always something fun that I enjoyed doing but I never thought I'd do it for a career. I guess my first acting jobs were commercials. I did a few commercials in Dallas - a Nabisco commercial and some department store commercials.

Lisa: You are doing a great job on Days with what you are given, but when are you going to get a huge story revolving around you? Whatever happened to this big secret you supposedly had? Thanks for your time, and keep up the wonderful work.

Jensen: The secret is still there. It just hasn't been revealed yet. And I think a storyline with Eric featured more prominently will begin toward the end of February....

Christa: Hi, Jensen. You mentioned in your TV Guide chat that you were getting your hair cut. I was just wondering if you've decided on a new style. I think that something really short would be awesome. What do you think?

Jensen: Well, about five minutes ago I just finished getting my hair cut. It's pretty short. I did it for the holidays because I'm going home and I didn't want to have to mess with hair, so I just had 'em chop it all off. So it's actually pretty short right now, but by the time I come back in about three weeks, it should be grown back out somewhat. I'm not exactly sure when we'll cut it short-short for the show, but it's short right now!

Christa: Is Eric getting a love interest anytime soon?

Jensen: In February.

Ashley: I believe I read somewhere that you were from Texas. If so, what part of Texas? Where else have you lived?

Jensen: North Dallas - that's it! Born and raised.

Ashley: What made you decide to go to L.A. as opposed to NY to pursue acting?

Jensen: I had agents and managers out here who were interested in me. In fact, I really just came out to please them, because they were very insistent on me coming out and trying it. I figured, "Oh, I'll just go out there and please these guys for a couple of months and move back home." Little did I know...

Em Doranaz: Any news on when your web page will be updated?

Jensen: We're actually working on it right now and getting things put up. There will be a video on there soon. So, slowly but surely, that is evolving.

LeAnne: What kind of advice would you give someone who wanted to go into acting? What kind of schools, jobs etc.?

Jensen: Get a good acting teacher. Get in a good acting class. And go with a small agency to start out with - someone who's more personable to you.

Chris: Jensen, which character from Days are you most like?

Jensen: That's a good question. I'd say a bit of Roman, my dad, and probably a little bit of John Black. Probably those two, because they raised me.

[skvaderarts]

I'm literally one weak moment from making V in Elden Ring and going for the bad ending just for the fuck of it. Anyone want to follow that story? I'm legit thinking of making like a in-game diary and being like:

"Dear diary. I woke up on the floor today in a hail of mist and I set it to follow some creepy yellow light through a doorway. I have no idea where the hell I am, and I don't think I have any powers here, so it looks like I'm going to have to start over from the beginning. Also, apparently I'm "maidenless" and a "lowly tarnished". Whatever that means. Anyway, I just want stuff to stop stabbing me for 5 seconds so I can figure out where the hell I am. I'll update you later."

"So diary... Everything here wants to kill me. Like everything. Some dude turned into a bear, and I'm pretty sure a tree just tried to beat me to death. Looks like calmly offering to read them poetry isn't going to cut it here. I'm going to need some way to defend myself. But hey, some creepy doll offered me a bell that can summon spirits, and I have a magic horse. Still better than how most of my days start!"

"Well Diary... Today I roasted an entire plateau of these godless illiterate psychopaths. I still don't know what I'm doing here, but I know what's going to happen. And everyone here is going to regret the day they tried to kill me unprovoked."

"Well well well, diary. It appears that no one knows who William Blake is in these lands. I must educate them. After they stop stabbing me."

"Oh diary. After a month of being nearly stabbed to death, I have awoken and chosen violence."

"Diary. You have no idea how close I am to burning this entire kingdom to the ground. If one more lobster or giant crab attacks me just going to be held to pay. And the magic college here? Raya Lucaria?! It's run by complete and total hacks, and they wouldn't even look over my admittance paperwork! Looks like I'm going to have to go straight to the dean! There has to be some sort of mistake! This is probably the only place in this kingdom I actually belong! And they have some kind of creepy iron maiden that snatches her soul out patrolling the courtyard? And a giant bowl that tries to roll over you on the way to class? And a dog with a giant sword? Not to mention that the school uniform is a little bit unorthodox... But it literally is the only school in this entire kingdom, so I guess I'm short on choices. It's either that or go pick a fight with the trees again... Or open another chest and get teleported to God knows where. Anyway, it's been a productive day! I'll get back with you soon."

"I'm not even going to start my entry with a greeting today. I can't die. Well, I can die but I don't stay dead. Let me out of this endless death loop! My life consists of nothing but endless suffering! Well, at least some things never change. But that spell yesterday that made me shoot yellow fire out of my eyes? Can't recommend it. So far I'd rate this day a 4/10, and the only reason it isn't lower is because a giant lobster hasn't killed me for a few hours and I found a snazzy outfit on a dead guy. Wouldn't be the first time I procured my clothing by ill gotten means. Guess I got to take what I can get!"

... Omg part of me really wants to do this now holy shit. Would you guys want to see posts about it? Because I would have so much fun writing them!

Not going to lie I'm kind of desperate for somebody to want me to do this now lol! Sounds like I could be a blast! Also, check my stupid tags if you want more ideas has to what I might be planning.

Sorry for any spelling errors. Did this at 4:00 in the morning with speech to text. This is what happens when you stay up this late thinking about two different games... But hey, I did this in Bloodborne, and I can do it again! (Oh boy did the Bloodborne one go completely off the deep end. I ended up platinuming the game with my V character and that one... I mean, have I finished my first playthrough of Elden Ring? Absolutely not. But this might just be the most fun I've had in a while, if you guys are behind it.

[stxleslyds]

MY TOUGHTS ON PART ONE OF RED HOOD BY CHIP ZDARSKY :)

Finally I have read part one of the Red Hood story in Batman: Urban Legends!

This story is very interesting, we start with the Red Hood looking for the people who are providing Gotham with a new drug. This drug “Cheerdrops” has been passed around for weeks at this point and it has had devastating results among it's users. If you know Jason you understand that drugs are a big issue for him and one that he treats very carefully and seriously. 

As he interrogates people he arrives to the building where one of the dealers of this drug is supposed to be, there he finds a horrific scene, a boy is desperately trying to wake up his mother who appears to have overdosed in her bed. Jason is quick to call an ambulance and get in contact with Oracle in order to find the boy's father who is (as he finds out later) the man that he was looking for. 

Jason sees this scene and can't help but compare it to the time he went through this situation with his mom all those years ago, so he takes the boy with him so he can take him to his father, who Jason is hoping is a good man that had to sell drugs in order to help his family.

That's basically the premise of this first part of the story but now i will write about my thoughts on the specifics of the story.

The story begins with Jason giving a speech about fear and how it's used, 

"Fear. Its a tool, it's his tool. I never really adopted it, maybe because he kept that fear all to himself." Then he continues with "Never had to rely on it, had to work harder to take out the bad guys, had to be...more direct." he finishes that thought with "Rubber Bullets. So that fear doesn't get turned around on me."

I for one really liked this Fear speech, it does really sum up what the Batman does, he relies on the Fear that he imposes on Gotham's criminals and such while Robin on the other hand was never meant to work with fear, which is true.

It did remind me of the speech that Alfred gave in issue #10 of Under the Red Hood about how Batman works with fear and Jason had some thoughts on it, here is some of it, 

"Master Jason had a condescending practice of referring to the costumed criminals elements as 'dress ups'. He also noted that such individuals did not fear the Batman the way street thugs and mafioso did. The 'dress ups' did not believe he was a monster." "...the boy did say something to me that chilled me to the bone...even then. 'They all know he won't kill them.'"

Anyway let's go back to the actual comic I am talking about...

Jason speaks from his position as Red Hood in current time and says that he uses rubber bullets in order to keep the Bat at bay, the fear that the Bat uses against other criminals cannot be used against him if he plays within the Bat's rules.

As he was doing that he was actually trying to get info about who is making the drug but all he was able to get was who was selling it to the person he was interrogating. This drug is dangerous and Jason has to work fast. 

Here is where we see the first flashback scene, we see Jason in the cave before he was able to go out as Robin and he is not to happy about it. The art is very beautiful but sadly in these panels i found my first problem with the context of Jason becoming Robin and how Zdarsky seems to set Jason's feelings on the first Robin.

It seems that Zdarsky is going for the “Jason believed Dick was the perfect Robin and no matter what he did he would never be as good as him” route, which fine ok, that's your right but, is it really necessary? I must admit i am a little tired of this particular thing because i adore the fact that when Dick and Jason first met they were fine with one another (even if a little wary at the very start). And the whole competitive and “i will never be as good as X person” is really tiring in the Robin/Batfamily fandom.

That problem is not as significant as the next one though.

Jason not thinking that Robin was “badass”. Well this is not only a bad take but it's completely OOC for Jason, no matter how you see it. From his first appearance as Robin to the flashbacks in Winick's UtRH and even through both of Lobdell's runs Jason has always loved the concept and the mantle of Robin as a child. 

Batman v1, #385.

So that whole take is wrong, i don't like it and also who on this or any universe would rather call themselves Batboy? Honestly i hope this is never brought up again or i will cry. ((((Also in this house Robin will always be the name that Mary gave Dick and then he used as his hero name so it hurts a lot more))))

Also at the end of this first flashback Jason discovers a room full of firearms and is obviously surprised because Batman hates those so he asks why he has them, B responds that he has to understand how they work for his detective work, but that's not all he says, he also says this “...Guns are a coward's weapon, and we will not be cowards.”

Alright Mr. Zdarsky i see the irony... i also see the Daredevil / Punisher thingie right there.

Anyway we are now back to the present where we see Batman seeing the effects of the drug in one of its victims, after saving that person he takes some samples of the drug. We also get to see two police officers with different views on the “masks”, that's a nice way to set the story after the Joker War and before the Magistrate. 

Back to Jason, he seems to be struggling, he can't find the people making/providing the drugs in Gotham and is also doubting his skills, he tells a man that if the information that he gave him is incorrect he “will find him” followed with another internal speech full of self doubt, “...sure thing Red Hood, right now you can't even find a street drug. Half of Gotham's teenagers could find it no problem. You never were the best detective.”

Alright, so Jason feels insecure about his skills now? First you have pre-Robin Jason not feeling like he could be able to keep up with the first Robin and now, Jason as a grown man has doubts about the skills that he has used for a long while now? I mean, press X for DOUBT because UtRH showed us how much of a badass and extremely skilled he is. This man planed everything in order to turn the Bat's world upside down (and this story has references to UtRH so it definitely happened) and now he feels like he is not that good? 

Shit. i know where this is going, first the insecurities that he has already worked out... I can see it coming, the next big thing will be Daddy issues. Wonderful i hate it and i hope i am wrong because those “issues” are more than resolved, i know that's the only trope DC throws at Jason but honestly how different will it be this time?

Fine, lets move on. Jason finds himself in one of the apartments and what he sees is horrifying. Lying on a bed there is a woman completely catatonic with a horrible smile on her face and right next to her a terrified little boy.

Here is the best take on Jason's character so far. 

Realizing that the child is scared of the situation and the masked man that just came into his home Jason takes off his mask and reassures the kid that he is there to help, it's quickly made obvious that the woman has overdosed on Cheerdrops, he makes sure to call an ambulance for her stating that she seems to be in a  drug-related coma.

Its important to note that Jason is doing this as he is having troubling thoughts about how much this scene reminds him of the time he was in this little boy's (Tyler) shoes. Its hard for him but he soon realizes that he needs to make sure Tyler is safe. 

He asks Tyler if he has another parent, he does and his name is Andy, after taking a look around the house Jason deduces that maybe the father is also taking drugs so if the police comes they will surely take Tyler and put him in the system, this idea is not one Jason is fond of so he calls Oracle, he asks if she can locate Tyler's dad's phone, when she asks about the kid Jason says that he will be the one keeping him safe.

Now we find ourselves back with Batman where he is investigating the components of Cheerdrops, he finds out that the drug is a modified version of Scarecrow's fear gas that gives the victim a sense of extreme happiness instead of fear.

Here we get confirmation of when in the timeline this story occurs, which is after the events of Infinite Frontier (where there was an attack on Arkham and many patients/prisoners were killed or escaped).

B suggests to Oracle that maybe Crane didn't die there and that he might be behind this drug, he will be on the job right away! To this Oracle is like well shit, so she tells B that Jason is also working this case...and here comes a funny yet confusing interaction. 

Barbara says “I know you two aren't exactly friends right now but...” before she finishes Batman interrupts her by saying “He is a killer Barbara. I will do this alone.”

OH BOY is this interaction confusing! First of all may i point out how different this conversation is from the one in Three Jokers where the roles were basically reversed??? Please tell me that i am not the only one who finds that funny! Anyway that story doesn't matter here, but Red Hood Outlaw from Rebirth does, right?

Here is the thing, the last person that Jason “killed” in rebirth was Penguin and he actually didn't do it, he had him trapped in a panic room in his own Casino. Batman already beat the living shit out of Jason in RHatO #25 for it...and some time has passed, B surely found out that Jason didn't kill Penguin by now, i mean isn't he like the best detective to ever detective in the history of the universe??

Not only that but Jason has been using rubber bullets for a while and even at the start he mentions that, he basically implies that he is playing by the Bat's rules to keep him off his back. Maybe B hasn't let go of the duffel bag full of heads or any of the shitty people Jason killed during UtRH??? If B still holds that against Jason then why would he try to make Jason part of his Bat clan at the beginning of RHatO Rebirth? 

Maybe he still thinks that Jason killed the penguin...but even then isn't B working with Harley and Ghost-Maker? You know, people who have killed? Why is Jason different? Did Jason kill someone recently that we don't know about? Jason only kills a very distinct set of people (that are very not nice) so i guess i don't see the logic...

Anyway second flashback, and this time we have a look at what was going on in the Batcave with B and Alfred during the events of UtRH! Nothing that wasn't explored in UtRH is said here but we do see Alfred explicitly telling Bruce how much they failed Jason. There is a heavy insinuation that the fact that Batman keeps sending the Joker to Arkham only for him to escape and kill more people actually makes B responsible for those deaths and i love that. Thank you. 

Back to Jason and Tyler we get to see some very adorable scenes between the two. Jason gives the lower half of his mask to Tyler to protect his identity like a superhero and we have a really sweet moment in which Tyler chooses the Blue Hood as his name because he likes the colour blue (same Tyler).

After he leaves Tyler in a place where he will be safe he goes to the building where Andy should be and let me tell you the more Jason sees the less hopeful he becomes about Andy being just one of the people selling the drug... He does some shooting and incapacitating and then follows the man that is trying to escape and here is when shit hits the fan. 

Andy is a disgusting human being. He hates Tyler's mother and doesn't care that she might be dead and the piece of shit hates his son so much that he gave a barely 10 year old drugs. 

Yeah. BANG BANG BANG MOTHERFUKER. 

If you think that this leads to Jason being a little more like his UtRH self, you know the guy that said that people who gave drugs to kids will get killed without a thought...yeah that's not happening, here comes the guilt!

I get it he just killed a man, but, did you read what that man said?

Anyway that's how the first part of this story ends. 

The story is good. it has things that don't make much sense but i think it's because Zdarsky is a Batman fan and not a Red Hood fan in the sense that he doesnt know much about Jason's character and that this is his first ever DC work.

I cant wait to see where this story goes, while i hope “unresolved daddy issues” doesn't become a theme yet again in a Red Hood story i believe it's where we are headed. I will keep on reading because i am invested in Jason and Tyler's relationship and what is going to happen now that Jason killed Andy.

Let me know what you thought about the issue and my post if you want! Bye!

[calif0rnia-lovers]

safe haven.

A/N: Don’t mind me, just giving J a normal high school romance--one where his family is not involved. Set in S1 of Animal Kingdom. First time writing for this guy, so let me know what you think 

Pairing: Josh Cody x Black!OC

Rating: 💙 A soft piece with the youngest Cody, and the girl he tries to keep secret from his new found family. 

Request: Convincing J to study bc he's too caught up in the family business to worry about midterms

Words: 3.3k

Josh tightens his grip, crushing the letter in his hand. Left inside the unaddressed envelope, the letter remains unread. There is no point in reading it. J got the gist of the letter from the conversation with the counselor. He discards the crumpled mess in a nearby trash can.

The end of the school week produces a flood of excited teenagers emptying into the parking lot.

J's mind is on the previously discarded letter.

It was a letter of truancy, addressed to his grandmother, his current guardian. It has been months since the passing of J's mother. The school's patience has spread thin. His grades have not dropped, but his attendance has.

His mind is on the letter when he fishes his keys out of his front pocket. His pace slows before he comes to a complete stop a few feet short of his truck. The truck is where he left it, but there's a new addition.

It now has a powder blue backpack on the hood. Seated beside the backpack is the prettiest girl in school.

Cori Edwards has a familiar pair of black shades concealing her dark brown eyes -- now J remembers where he left them. She has abandoned the denim jacket he caught a glimpse of her in earlier. A knowing smile spreads across her face as she watches his eyes linger on the sundress she wears. As his eyes return to hers, J can't deny the smile on his lips.

The last time he saw Cori, for longer than the brief seconds they pass in the halls, was a month ago. This year, it appeared fate wanted to test the two. They had the same classes, the same teachers, but never at the same time. A few months ago, this meant they spent all of their free time stealing kisses at lunch and in the halls. They would then make up for lost time as soon as the school bell rang.

But things have changed too much. 

J's mother didn't keep track of his movements. His grandmother and uncles, J came to learn, analyze his actions. Keeping secrets has become second nature to him since moving into the Cody House. The one secret he swore he'd never reveal was Cori. He hasn't introduced her to Smurf or his uncles. He hasn't shared much about how his life has changed, upon his moving into their house, with Cori.

After so many vague responses, Cori understood it was better not to ask questions. She didn't want to spend her limited time arguing with J. Only, in the last month their limited face time has dwindled. Fizzed out to nothing.

A few texts here. A few long spread out phone calls there.

It was after one of those texts that their last reunion had taken place.

J might have been slightly drunk -- sober enough to drive, and park his truck a block from Cori's parent’s house. He had climbed through her bedroom window. The act itself was not graceful. His tumble through the window at three am woke her dad. Her dad came in to find Cori “still sleeping,” the toppled over AP Calculus and Physics books on the floor enough incentive for him to return to bed.

Once the coast was clear, J managed to strip before climbing into bed alongside her. All she received was a quick kiss before his arm was around her. He was out before his head hit the pillow. He left Cori with no time to inquire about his reasoning behind showing up drunk. Or about the black eye and busted lip. He had to sneak out in the morning before her parents got up.

Rumor has it J’s been showing up to school, even if Cori's rarely seen him there. He shows up for three days, almost like clockwork. Technically, it is enough to stop the school from legally reporting him for truancy. Until the counselor concluded it was time J stopped playing that game--which brings us to J's current situation.

He's standing in the parking lot, keys in hand, staring at his girlfriend -- at least he thinks she's still his girlfriend. Is it weird if he leads with that question?

As he stands before her, the only thought in his mind is how much he's missed her smile.

Jingling the keys in his hand, J regards the innocent smile on Cori's lips before shaking his head.

“You got a tracker on me, I don’t know about, Edwards?”

“Nope. It’s just a Cody sighting is kind of a big deal in these halls,” Cori sighs lightly as her eyes pass over the crowded parking lot. “Word gets around pretty fast when you actually show up.”

Cori’s words don't receive a verbal response. Her eyes are covered, but J knows what look lies inside them. The look causes his eyes to avoid hers. His hand rubs against the back of his neck, a soft chuckle leaving his lips.

"Haven’t seen you around lately, Josh." She continues, the warmth of her fingers against his chin lifting J's gaze. Cori raises her sunglasses, her eyes passing over his face. "Nice to know your black eyes is gone."

"Yeah--sorry about that night." The smile on his lips is sheepish as he watches her study his face. He mentally kicks himself for the following line--he knows it's getting old. He says it anyway. "I had some family stuff-"

"That left you drunk with a black eye and busted lip?"

J takes in her raised brow, his shoulders sink.

What can he say?

I got my ass kicked after I was caught in the act of stealing some guy's car. Granted, my uncle saved my ass, but not before I got a black eye and busted lip?

No. He can't say that.

If he does, then he would have to explain why he was stealing a car in the first place. And that is a rabbit hole J isn't willing to jump down--not with her.

The passing of her fingers through his hair causes J to speak up.

"Sorry. I know you're tired of bullshit excuses." He shakes his head.

"I'm used to it," Cori sighs, her hands falling to her lap.

Before he can stop himself, J's hands are on her thighs pulling her closer. His lips are on hers.

"I'm sorry. You look nice," he smiles as his lips press a second kiss against hers.

"Hmm?"

"I’m serious," he chuckles as his hand finds her waist.

"Trust me, I know it’s true," she laughs. "I’m just trying to figure out why it’s taken you so long to say it."

"I’ve been busy," he begins. "With-"

"Family stuff," Cori nods, her hand waving to dismiss the subject. "I know, but that's not what I tracked you down for. I have so graciously blessed you with my presence because you owe me two things."

"What are they?" J's brow arches, a soft smile on his lips.

Cori drops her hand for his cheek. J's eyes remain on her as she leans back, weight resting against her palms.

"I need a ride home," she lightly pats the hood of the car. "And I need a study buddy."

J lets off a light scoff at the latter.

If there is one undisputed fact, it is Cori's academic ranking. She is top of their class. Between the two, J needs a study buddy to catch up to her perfect GPA.

"Okay. When?"

"Tonight, genius," her eyes roll as she pushes against his shoulder. "Josh, please don’t tell me you forgot we have midterms Monday."

J's eyes briefly drift shut.

"Shit--I have a family thing tonight."

"When?” Cori smiles as his eyes pass over the parking lot. The corners of J's lips turn up into a smile before his gaze returns to hers. “I’m just saying...it’s technically not nighttime yet…and being as you haven't seen me in ten thousand years...the least you can do is study with me...”

"What’s it gonna take for me to get out of this?"

Cori pauses to think.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

Shaking her head, Cori smiles as her hands find his shoulders. "There is absolutely nothing that you can give me for me to drop this."

"Damn."

"Unless,” Cori bites back her smile as her playful eyes meet his. “You want to tell me how much you missed me.”

“If that’s it,” J sighs, his lips stopping short of hers, “You might want to go ahead and find another ride home--”

“Shut up,” she giggles as his hands find her waist.

Helping her down, J steals a kiss before following Cori to the passenger side of his truck.

"I'm just giving you a ride home."

"Uh-huh." Turning to face him, she smiles as his lips press against hers.

She allows him a second kiss as J's arm wraps around her waist.

“To sweeten the deal,” she beams. “I’ll even let you take me out.”

"What is it?"

Cori's eyes remain on the surfers visible from the parking lot. She watches the girl who manages to ride the swell longer than the rest of the group. When she glances across the truck, she discovers J watching her. 

"What do you mean?" 

A low chuckle escapes J as he watches Cori busy herself with the task of finishing her milkshake. 

"What's on your mind?"

Despite her asking him to stop and grab something to eat, Cori hasn't said much to J. Even if she had, he knew her well enough to grasp Cori was waiting to ask him something. Her brown eyes raise to meet his gaze before she lets out a breath. 

"It's kinda stupid."

"Coming from you?" His brow arches as his fingers interlace with hers. "I doubt it."

Cori's gaze remains on their interlaced fingers as she speaks.

"It's just, the winter formal is coming up. I figured we could go together."

She glimpses up once her suggestion is met with silence. J's brow is a furrowed, a hesitant smile on his lips. 

His thoughts are racing--he's praying this is the initial time she's breached the subject. That he hadn't missed any hints in his haze the past weeks.

"Seriously? You never want to go to those things."

Cori's eyes roll. J's right. In the last two years, neither of them have attended the school’s dances. 

She bites her lip before opting to take another sip of her strawberry shake. 

"You really wanna go?" A light shrug is what J gets in response. "If you want to go, I'll go."

"It's just--we're going to be done with school soon. We have to go to at least one--"

"And prom?"

"That's not up for debate. Your ass is taking me to prom, Joshua Cody." Cori laughs as J's lips press against her fingers. 

J's smile fades as a ringtone interrupts the conversation. He releases Cori's hand before retrieving his cellphone from the truck's console. 

She silently observes as he reads the name on the screen. 

Baz. 

She remembers the name--he is one of J's uncles--but that's where her knowledge ends. The furrow of J's brow sets in as he declines the call.

“So...this family thing," she notes, as his eyes meet hers. Before she can get the rest of her thought out, a text comes through recapturing J's attention. "It must be pretty important.”  

J's shrug seems outlandish when held alongside the urgency of his uncle. In the time it took to eat, J's phone has got several notifications. Each time, he pauses long enough to silence the call and proceeds as if it never came. 

“It’s just a thing with my uncles.” His mood is light as he sets the phone back down. His easiness returns as he meets her eyes. "Smurf's pretty serious about everyone being home for it." 

He can notice the slight hesitance in her eyes before she offers him a smile in return.

Leaning across the car, J presses a kiss against her cheek. His lips drift to her neck. 

"I'll get the tickets Monday," he mumbles as his lips retrace their steps. "Promise."

J's truck is parked engine idling. His left-hand rests against the steering wheel, his eyes on her.

Cori has removed her seatbelt. Her body is turned in the seat so that she faces J. She toys with the hem of her dress instead of moving to get out.

"It was good to see you, J."

"Yeah," J agrees. Her eyes lift to meet his, the soft smile on his lips stretching into a grin. "You too."

J opens his mouth to continue the thought, but Cori has already turned away from him. He watches as she retrieves her backpack from the back seat.  

"Cori," J clears his throat. The action hinders Cori's opening of the door. Her hand hovers over the handle. "Maybe we can hang-"

"Nope.”

J blinks. His brow furrows as a silence falls over the car.

"If you want to see me again," Cori teases, her hand falling from the handle. "It will be in school."

"Why do I have a feeling you're not gonna let this go?" J's eyes roll softly as Cori leans across the car. "You’re serious?" 

"Because I'm not letting this go," she smiles sweetly, ignoring the chuckle the action pulls from J. "And, I'm 'lock my window' serious, Josh. Show up if you want, and I’ll leave you outside."

The smile on Cori's lips grows as J's gaze falls from hers. His tongue passes over his lips as she leans closer.

His eyes drift shut as her giggle fills the car before Cori presses a kiss against his cheek. She leaves a second kiss before moving away. Hopping out of the truck, Cori slips her backpack onto her shoulders.

"Think about what’s important to you, Cody," she beams before shutting the door.

J picks up his phone. The screen lights up as a new text message appears.

6 missed calls. Baz

7 missed texts. Baz

1 missed text. Craig

He opens the most recent notification from Craig.

Dude. Call Baz back so he'll stop losin his shit. You know we got that thing tonight

Cori is in the process of unlocking the door when she hears the sound of his car door slamming. Looking over her shoulder, she smiles as J crosses the driveway backpack over his shoulder.

"Two hours,” he concedes. J is powerless to the tug of her hand as Cori pulls him inside. “Then I have to go. Baz is blowing up my phone.”

"Then we better get started."

J's fingers comb through his hair, the brown eyes trained on him forcing him back to reality.

Judging by the look on Cori's face, this is not the first time she has spoken. Heat rushes to his face as J's gaze reverts to the stack of notecards in his hands.

"Uh--yeah," he clears his throat as he shifts in the computer chair. "That's right."

He steals a second glance at her, the smile on Cori's lips not helping with his current situation.

"Of course it is," she winks. Her gaze returns to the review sheet. She stops to make a note alongside the term The Baroque.

The two are currently in the midst of an AP European History review.

J isn't much help, but Cori doesn't need it. Each of her responses is correct. That's good for J. He's spent the last thirty minutes distracted.

It's a good thing Cori claimed the bed, laying on her stomach as she pulled out her notebook. J took the computer chair opposite of her. If Cori had let him join her on the bed, no studying would have taken place.

It doesn't matter that a month has passed. J hasn't been able to keep his eyes off Cori Edwards since her arrival freshman year.

A smile creeps across his face as J's eyes meet Cori's for a second time.

"You need a break, Cody?" The grin on her lips widens as Cori rests her chin in her hand. "You seem distracted."

"Just thinking about how you don't need these." J lifts the cards in his hands before discarding them on the nearby desk. "You never have."

"Hmm..." Cori's eyes return to the review sheet. She pauses to add more to the notes written neatly in the margins. "True, but you do."

Pushing herself up, she passes over the review sheet. Written neatly in the top right-hand corner is J's name.

"I made this for you Tuesday night."

J studies the sheet for a moment, his fingers massaging his temple as he takes in Cori's study guide.

Shit--she's right. He does need it. He missed the review session on Tuesday. The thing about AP Euro is that it's not as straight forward as Trig. J can ace his Trig midterm in his sleep. AP Euro is a whole separate story.

"Thanks, Cori," he sighs. The grateful look in his eyes as he watches her cross the room earns him a warm smile. "You didn't have to-"

"Oh, trust me, I know." Taking his hand in her, Cori lowers herself down onto his lap. "But, I know you have a lot going on. Besides, making the sheet helped me review for the test."

"I love you. You know that?"

"As you should." Taking his face in her hands, Cori smiles as J meets her gaze. She closes the remaining distance between their lips. "I love you too."

As her lips drift to his neck, fingers slipping beneath the hem of his t-shirt, J pushes her dress up her thighs.

"I thought we were studying," he chuckles, his lips returning to hers.

"We're taking a break," she giggles. "You’re useless when you’re distracted."

When he wakes, J knows he’s overstayed. He was meant to leave by four. It’s four thirty. 

The cellphone, humming on the surface of Cori’s desk, sounds through the bedroom. J doesn’t lift his head from the pillow. Instead, he watches her face scrunch in irritation as the sound gradually pulls Cori out of her sleep.

“You gotta go?” She breathes, her eyes remaining shut as she tries to fall back to sleep.

“I should,” he chuckles. His finger traces the curve of Cori's shoulder. “Your parents will probably be home soon.”

“You’re right.” A soft giggle follows as J's arm wraps around her waist, pulling her body across the bed. “You should probably go.”

Despite his words, J makes no move to leave the bed. He sinks his face into her neck. His weight presses her into the mattress as her arms wind around his neck. He stays there for almost ten minutes. His eyes closed, listening to the delicate pattern of her pulse. Neither says a word. Cori knows the time has come to let him go when J presses a soft kiss against her skin before forcing himself up.

“I have some family shit I gotta handle,” J huffs as his palms rub against his eyes. “So, um, I probably won’t be on my phone for most of the weekend.”

“Okay.”

J proceeds to redress, his body in no rush to leave, as his phone starts again.

He needs to go. Now.

J has prolonged his return to reality, and the Cody House, long enough. If he doesn’t call back shortly, Smurf might have a heart attack.

J tugs his t-shirt over his head. His eyes focus on the bedroom window. He’s shocked Smurf's car is not parked out front. It wouldn’t be the first time his grandmother has tracked him.

“I just meant--I might not be able to pick up if you call,” he crosses the room to meet Cori. The faint smile on his lips brings one to her. “You can text me.”

“Maybe,” Cori sighs as J's lips caress her cheek. “If I have time. I’ll have to check my schedule.”

She catches sight of his sparkling eyes before J’s lips are on hers. The kiss itself is soft, another step in his lingering goodbye. His lips linger against hers before pressing against hers a final time.

“Hey,” J pulls back, his fingers interlacing with hers. He gently squeezes her hand as she meets his gaze. “Thanks for today. I missed you.”

“You too.”

“I’ll text you later,” J smiles before retrieving his phone and backpack.

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[shiberpostshere]

The Kiss Thief - Park Seonghwa Social Media AU

7. Chapter Three: Dark History Reunion✨ (Text below images)

Previous Part✨ Next Part✨

Masterlist of the AU✨

The Next Day (05.09.19)✨

The moment Jongho entered Cafe Utopia, he could feel the intimidating energy coming from the table where the much praised music technology senior, Kim Hongjoong and his friend are seated. The person who he texted yesterday, Seonghwa, is missing.

Thanks to San and Wooyoung, he now has an opportunity to befriend them.

He approaches them with heavy steps without realising how aggressive-nervous he's appearing on the outside, the expression that Yeri always mimics to mock him.

They greet him with inviting smiles. The other guy, in burgundy red sweater and black beanie, Yeosang, scriptwriter, offers him the script to read. However, the only thing he can focus on is Kim Hongjoong's mullet.

How can he even pull off a mullet like that? Is it real?

"Your voice sounds bold and clean." Hongjoong leans towards his clasped fingers, a gentle smile on his lips, "You seem a little nervous at the moment but we have enough time to practice."

Yeosang nods, "He has a great control over his voice. I feel like we've finally found someone who'll do my script justice."

Jongho's shoulders rise up with confidence.

"Wait, thank you but does it mean I get to be the announcer?" He looks expectantly at the duo.

Hongjoong settles back, adjusting his glasses. "Of course! I'm honestly surprised at how quickly I could decide."

Yeosang pushes the script further towards Jongho. "Take it with you and practice as much as you can, we'll have discussions and rehearsals before our first show."

"Thank you so much for this opportunity!" He bows gratefully, eyes glinting with happiness.

Hongjoong and Yeosang exchange glances and giggle making Jongho squeeze his brows in confusion.

"You look adorable for someone so well built but you're so tense, relax." Hongjoong winks.

"He IS cute." Yeosang adds.

Jongho is taken aback by their sudden compliments. "I just feel excited to work with you all, I've heard so many good things about you." He confesses.

Hongjoong waves his hand in the air. "The professor only tells you the good things, he doesn't reveal that I don't get enough sleep, it's a trap." He points at his now visible eyebags.

"Don't scare him away before Seonghwa comes." Yeosang says with a side eye directed at his mullet friend.

Jongho is reminded of the missing person, Seonghwa, who he messaged yesterday.

"You were going to bring along someone who's interested in audio engineering? Did they decide otherwise last minute?" Hongjoong asks with a subtly evident worry.

"Oh! Yes, (Y/N) had a class till 5 pm, she'll be here anytime now." As Jongho finishes, the cafe door opens, the bell chiming and indicating your arrival.

The class ended a little later than expected and like a mess, you had collected your things and rushed towards the cafe.

After hitting it off with San and Wooyoung so quickly you feel like you can seize anything at this point except the will to attend classes after only two weeks of college.

Dazzling Night appears like a safe getaway from the continuous routine of being stuck with studies.

"Jongho!" You call out rather loudly, grabbing everyone's attention including the two boys sitting with Jongho, wait does that guy have a mullet?

Your friend gestures you to come, you smile sheepishly. "I'm sorry, I had a class." A little panting can be heard as you speak.

"It's alright, Jongho informed us. I'm Kim Hongjoong, music technology, final year." He offers you his hand and you stare at it for a minute before realising what you're supposed to do.

"Oh right!" You shake his hand. "I am (Y/N), I'm studying law."

The other boy offers you a small smile. "I'm Yeosang, English major, second year."

You return him the same expression as his. "Nice to meet you."

Wow, this is awkward.

"You're interested in assisting our audio engineer, are you aware of any basics?" Hongjoong crosses his arms and you can detect the anime gleam on his glasses while he looks at you, awaiting an answer.

You glance at Jongho then at the two boys. Their gaze is fixated on you intently, emitting strong energy.

You gulp.

Okay, they're strangers anyway (Y/N), keep calm.

"No, I don't know much but I'm interested in learning." You answer honestly, fingers fideling on your lap.

"Can you manage your studies and radio commitments? We don't want anyone leaving halfway through." Yeosang continues his friend's query and suspicions.

Ha-ha, perhaps this was a bad decision.

Jongho squeezes your hand beneath the table.

"Yes, I think I can manage well once I begin, you don't need to worry about me dropping out halfway through." No matter how certain you wish to sound, the way they have their eyes fixed on you causes you to speak in an uncertain tone.

"Okay Hongjoong, we can tone it down now, she looks like she's gonna run away." Yeosang states before sipping his drink. "We just want fixed commitment, Hongjoong is critical when it comes to decisions regarding the show, so is Seonghwa."

Seonghwa? That's a name you know.

Hongjoong clears his throat. "Wait, I haven't used my intimidating voice for a while now, I am sorry if I sound like I'll kill you but I'm just sleep deprived." He vigorously rubs his eyes.

"They called me adorable after intimidating me." Jongho rolls his eyes.

"Now now, young man, watch your attitude." Yeosang comments playfully.

"Could've told me sooner!" You gently shove Jongho, "Also, yes, please tone it down, my left leg is ready to sprint out any moment now." You eye the door and then the mullet guy.

All the boys laugh at your remark.

"Don't worry, if something important comes up, you can leave, studies shouldn't be compromised with but otherwise we want your full attention when working with us." Yeosang smiles warmly at you.

You return to a comfortable state before studying their now relaxed postures. "So? Can I join?"

Hongjoong pushes back his hair. "Of course, if you're up for it but you need to meet the rest of the team. I'm the composer, Yeosang is the scriptwriter. Our team leader and audio engineer are still missing." He checks his ridiculously beautiful vintage watch.

"Okay" You breath out with a chuckle, eyes trailing back to his mullet. Unable to hold back your curiousity about the unusual hairstyle, you ask. "Are you wearing clip ons or is that really a naturally grown mullet?"

The owner of the mullet is taken aback by your question for a moment before breaking into laughter.

"God! I've been dying to ask that." Jongho mutters beside you, doubling Hongjoong's laughter.

You and Jongho blink expectantly.

Yeosang shakes his head, "These kids."

Hongjoong tugs his hair at the nape of his neck, huffing a sigh. "It's a real mullet. You two have been eyeing my hair since ever you came here, I was just waiting for you to ask."

Jongho scratches the back of his neck. "To be fair no one has a mullet these days but you pull it off well."

You nod at your friend's statement.

"What are we laughing about?" A heavy voice grabs the table's attention and you turn around along with Jongho.

An extremely familiar tall boy appears in your vision with another one following behind and your eyes go wide.

No way, no way, no way!

"Hey! You made it! Meet Jongho and (Y/N), our newest members that is, of course if Seonghwa approves." Hongjoong greets them both and the moment he says the name, it clicks in your head.

Park Seonghwa, Horizon High School.

"Hey, we were-" Seonghwa abruptly halts in his tracks.

(Your Full Name), Horizon High School.

You unknowingly shoot up from your seat.

"Um, (Y/N) is everything okay?" Jongho glaces from behind at the newest arrivals.

"Wait!" Mingi takes a good look at you and turns to Seonghwa before he starts giggling to himself, confusing the other three boys seated at the table.

Song Mingi, Horizon High School.

Warmth is taking over your face like a pressure cooker ready to burst merely at the sight of the boy standing in front of you, he too blinks at you as if confirming that you're actually standing in front of him.

"What's the matter? Why do you two look like you've seen ghosts." Yeosang asks whilst Mingi continues his snickering.

The giggling boy takes a seat between his friends, looking at your frozen figures amusingly.

"This is a dark history reunion." He nudges Hongjoong and Yeosang.

"Mingi!" Seonghwa glares and steals another glance at you before taking the remaining seat, the one beside you.

Jongho looks around, lost. "Dark history reunion?"

You turn around and almost slam yourself down on the seat.

Hongjoong and Yeosang are wearing mirrored puzzled expressions.

You clap your hands with over enthusiasm, "I just remembered that I have a meeting with a project partner at the library, I gotta go."

No, you don't.

"No wait, What's going on here?" Hongjoong's gaze continues shifting between you and Seonghwa while you two are busy avoiding eye contact with each other.

"Dark history reunion." The amusement still hasn't faded off Mingi's face and now he earns a death glare from you.

Seonghwa taps the table, grabbing attention. "It's nothing, she's free to leave if she's done."

You get up the moment he speaks.

Oh, this has just become way worse, way worse.

Mingi raises his brow, "What if she's here for the announcer's position?"

"No, Jongho's here for that, Hongjoong already talked with (Y/N), she's free to leave." Yeosang intervenes noticing your sudden urgent movements.

You internally thank him for that.

"I uh, well I think, I think I'll talk to you guys later." You grab your belongings in a big swoop.

"Aw no, you're leaving so soon? We just came here!" Mingi wears a wicked wide smile as he speaks.

"We can talk later, Mingi. It's not like I'm dropping out of college tomorrow! (I just might!)" You answer with a loud, fake laugh, trying hard not to grit your teeth.

Mingi hasn't changed at all. He is as you remember.

"Wait, you two know each other?" Jongho looks at you, his expression demanding an explanation.

"She knows Seonghwa too, very well!" The mischievous one strikes again.

"Oh, Seonghwa and (Y/N) are acquainted?" Hongjoong chimes in.

"Yes we are, we went to the same school." Seonghwa leaves his seat to give you way. "See you later (Y/N)."

You feel strangely assured looking at his stark red ears.

"Oh yes, yes, Seonghwa--" You take him in briefly before looking at the rest, "--and others I'll see you guys later, gotta run!"

Keeping your eyes straight ahead, you walk out of the cafe like you never even went there, half walking and half running towards your dorm room.

Song Mingi, I'm going to get you.

Pairing: College Student! Seonghwa x College Student! Female Reader

Genre: Fluff, A teeny tiny bit of smut with a pinch of angst

Synopsis: High school crushes are often silly and forgotten. However, you cannot forget the one senior, you "borrowed" once a kiss from. Years have passed and it's a memory you laugh at but what will happen if you're to encounter the same senior in a much different setting and situation? Especially during your first year of college.

A/N: THEY'VE FINALLY MET! What are your thoughts on this chapter? It's been a while since I've written so please excuse any mistakes, I will edit it for sure. Btw I am Mingi, Mingi is me.

Let me know if you want to be added to the taglist! 💫

🌸Tags:

@mingiibabieee @enigmaticsal @missiopk @stardusthyuck

🌸

Please do not repost, modify or claim these images.

[neo-culture-mafia]

IV. Sorry, My Dear

⚠️⚠️TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️⚠️

The following story contains themes of suicidal thoughts and addiction. Please do not read if you find these themes triggering in any way. Read this post before reading this piece of FICTION

Have you heard the story of the guy,

Who decided not to die?

"Another day at the office...another day in hell." Jae mumbled to himself. The black lettering seemed never ending as he moved page after page.

Everyone was long gone and he was left with his thoughts that reflected the current state of his desk: scattered and full on unwanted words.

"Come on, Jae. Let's go get drinks with Boss." Jae had mimicked the voices of the other associates that worked in the office today. "No. I'm good. Got to finish this work. Beep-boop-boop." He moved his arms in a robot-like fashion.

"Look at me. Working me life away. Jaehyun. That's my name." He moved the papers in random places. This would be Jae's 4th breakdown this week where he needed to tell himself to hold on until tomorrow.

Johnnny looked on in concern from behind the entrance wall. "No good, Jaehyun. Don't wear it out." Jae's hands waves over his head in a dramatic fashion as he pushed himself around in his wheeled office chair.

It wasn't until Johnny saw Jae's hands form into a gun shape that he intervened in the middle of his best friend's scary emotional outburst.

"Jae! There you are!" He rushed over and punched his friend's arm. The look in Jaehyun's eyes made Johnny uneasy. It looked like he had been caught which made him break more. "You almost finished? I wanted to catch a movie with you and maybe have a hangout night," Jae was taken aback by the energy outburst at 2 am.

He could only look at Johnny's excited face from where he sat in his chair, strands of hair obstructing only pieces of his vision. "I got the new Call of Duty and PubG for the console." Johnny's hands rummaged in his pockets till he pulled out his phone, his eyebrows wiggling fiercely. "It's only...2:17. We got all the time in the world."

Johnny picked up Jae's suit jacket that was thrown over the cubicle wall and the younger boy's heavy bag. "I'll drive." Johnny pulled Jae up and turned off his lamp.

They were in the darkness of the office and Jae was still shocked that he was caught before he got worse.

"What do you wanna eat? Steak? McDonald's? Junk food?" Johnny's rambling was tuned out of Jae's mind. He followed the taller man willingly down and out of the office building and to his familiar car.

"Uh...doesn't matter." Was the first thing that came out of Jaehyun's mouth. "Then we'll get everything." Johnny's laugh made Jae's heart swell with hope for the first time in weeks.

'Maybe next time,' he thought, 'I'll hang out with Johnny one last time.'

The car ride was filled with laughter and being in the cold air surrounding the both of them.

Johnny still wonders to this day what would've happened if he didn't walk in the time he did. He had been called to pick up the paperwork from Jae's desk but was met with a sad reality.

Jaehyun wanted to escape reality.

Just kill me in my sleep,

Smother me with pillows and kindness, in which I have never seen

This was it...this was the day. He's written the letters and found a place to go calmly. He was in a euphoric sense that nothing really mattered anymore.

He had been on cloud 9 all week as he's happily been overworked and no one ever asked how he had been doing.

Right now, he was just driving. Driving to take in his home city one last time.

The sun was setting when he came to Han River Park. The clusters of happy people congregated in small bursts of happiness and 'its okay' and 'everything will be alright's.

He parked and stood at the grass's edge. He took deep breaths as the air swept across his body calmly. "Everything is so beautiful." He whispered to himself as he watched the birds dance across the water with such grace.

The lump in his throat that made it home was beginning to ache. Yet, he swallowed his pride and continued looking over the people who would continue their own story's even after his had reached the end. The credits would roll and everyone would walk away from the theater without a second thought.

"I mean. I get that's it's pretty. But I haven't seen someone cry at the scenery since my last romance movie." He was snapped out of reality to see a girl standing next to him.

"Excuse me?" Was all he could manage to get out.

You chuckled, sticking your hand out. "Y/n." You introduced yourself and he was trying to not shake your hand, look the other way, and leave without another word being exchanged.

"Jaehyun." His actions spoke for him as he reached his hand out to meet yours. Your hand was soft and warm in his. A warmness and calm he hasn't felt in a while.

"I'm gonna go get some ice cream. Wanna come?" You barely knew him and we're asking him to accompany you to a sweet treat. "You don't know me." Jae got defensive, his arms crossing over his chest.

"I could be a murderer and you invited me for ice cream?" His questions had your face turn up. "Well I'm sure that murderers like ice cream too. So let's go." You grabbed his arm and pulled him down the long stretch of concrete. You walked and tried to match your steps with his long strides. Your arm cutely wrapped around his as you walked.

"So tell me about yourself, Mr. Jaehyun."

He figured living was just easier than falling really high

"We need to clean." You whined while rolling around in the vast bed full of messed up sheets and a relaxing Jaehyun. "Not now. I just wanna cuddle." He grabbed your body and held you close.

"No. We've been cuddling all day. We need to clean." You got up and pulling at his hands. "You can clean the closet and I can clean the rest of the room. Then cuddles." You reasoned and he groaned as he got up, giving into your wishes.

"Fine." He automatically sat on the ground and opened your shared closet doors.

"I'll be tidying up around here." You ruffled his hair and kissed the top of his head sweetly. "If you need anything just shout." He called as you exited the room to probably start on the kitchen.

Box after box of paperwork and more paperwork from the last 10 years of working in his like of work.

Your singing could be heard through your house as you comedically sang some of the greatest hits. His laughter broke through the apartment when your own voice shook with laughs.

He came upon some photo books with Polaroids of you and him. The last 2 years had been lived in a heaven like state. He hadn't touched alcohol and drugs like he was earlier in his life...before you changed him.

His physical and mental growth were apparent in the pictures as he flipped through the pages. Your hand drawn hearts and small journal entries under some photos had his heart beating rapidly with joy.

He put the book next to his side to look at later with you. His hand came across an unmarked cardboard photo box that had a thin layer of dust on it.

He jiggled the lid off and was met with envelopes. The letters. His notes to his bosses and his friends apologizing for what he was about to do.

Apologizing for the mess they were going to have to clean up in his apartment and in the office where his files would never be filed. Apologizing for giving up so easily and not serving out the rest of his life like he had sworn. Apologizing for not being strong enough to ask for help when he really tried to make it obvious. Apologizing to whoever had to find him after it was all said and done.

Apologizing for not saying goodbye.

"Hey. Do we have any tile cle- oooo letters. Who are they to?" Your voice had made Jae jump like when Johnny caught him that dark night in the office. Like he was caught doing and thinking stuff he shouldn't be.

"No one. Me. In 50 years. Y'know," he shrugged, tossing them back in the box and throwing them in the closet and standing up quickly, "time capsule thing me and the guys did." He shrugged it off and you could only nod.

"Well that's cool. Can't wait to see how you've grown." Your smile had his own lips mimicking in want. Wanting to have your blissful ignorance of what those letters really were.

"Oh yeah. Do we have any more tile cleaner?" You asked and he lead you out to the closet where he scowered the top shelves in search for the cleaning supply.

"You can have it. For a kiss." He held it above his head. You waste no time in kissing his cheek and pulling on his arm till you grabbed the cleaner and ran. His laughs chased your own as you both wrestled for a while.

Both of you laid on the living room carpet, just enjoying the close presence.

His heart was at peace.

I'm okay,

I'm okay,

I feel a little bit sick

You had began to notice how Jae had been getting more dull. A year had passed since the night you pointed out the letters. It began to go all down hill from there.

He gave you the same love and affection he usually did, but his eyes held no emotion to big events outside. Alcohol had started to replace meals and sleep.

"Jae you need to eat." You laid a hand on his shoulder softly. "I'm actually going to go grab a drink with some of the boys." And like that. He was out of the apartment. Yet, everytime he came stumbling in the front door with a stench that could repel nuclear waste, you nurses him into bed. Setting an aspirin and water next to his head. Most nights didn't wrap up until 4 am when you knew he was home safe.

You slept with your arms wrapped strongly around his body, afraid he would try to get up and leave to drink again without you noticing.

Mornings would be a rough time as you awoke to a sick Jaehyun who couldn't tell left from right. You were there were comforting words and endless services if bet only asked.

His guilt ate at his chest till there was a free falling feeling that would cease when he took his first shot.

He knew he was getting bad again. He knew he needed to get help but everytime he woke up to face an aspirin and a cool glass of water, the guilt made him drink even more the next night.

He sometimes wished you would leave him to make this easier on you. He wished you would fall out of love and go to bed before he got home.

He wished you didn't introduce yourself in the first place.

But have you heard,

The story of the guy who decided not to die?

Jaehyun got clean again. He started being more present in reality and eventually returned to normal. Sometimes he did get carried away with the alcohol but you were there to help him put down the bottle.

He started openly hanging out with his friends in large gatherings where he didn't mind starting the conversation. He got addicted on life again.

You were all out on a big dinner. You and the other women of the mafia men gathered in the social room while Jae and his closest friends talked and joked around in the parlor.

"Want another drink?" Mark asked as he nudged Jae's elbow. "No I'm okay. I hit my limit for the night."

His friends were the most supportive people that he originally thought wouldn't be. Once be reached his limit, they all switched to fruity drinks followed by water. "So I need your guys' help with something." Jae smiled, taking the blue chalk and rubbing it on the worn end of the billiard's stick.

"What's up, dude?" Johnny asked and all the boys tuned into Jaehyun and his request. "I want to propose to y/n." He said and the room automatically erupted in shouts and cheers. "Sssshhhh." He tried to shush everyone. They remembered the presence of the women in the building and quickly shut up.

"Y/n said she wanted a wedding in the flower fields about.." Jae recalled the previous conversation he had with you. "2 hours from here?" He said and Hyuck automatically knew which ones he was talking about. "It's going to have to be a spring wedding!" He said excitedly and grabbing a pad of paper and a pen from his pocket.

"Alright, lover boy, spill." He said knocking all of the pool balls out of the way, "hey we were playing!" Doyoung protested and Hyuck could only write down the location of the fields, "I'm helping our brother get a wife. Go play with your balls somewhere else." He back handed which caused the room to erupt in laughter.

"Okay. Now. I'm going to need time to get the catering. I'm thinking pork," Hyuck rambled writing down the possible ideas, "or is she more of a chicken person?" he continued which caused some of the boys to chuckle at the wedding-excited nature no one knew Hyuck possessed in himself.

"Also I need to find a cake. I would make it myself but we all know that these beautiful hands would be wrinkly by the time I'm done icing cake for 500 people-" "500?!" Jae said loudly which caused Johnny to slap a hand over his younger friends mouth. "Well duh. That's a minimum." Donghyuck shook his head, drawing a picture of what the cake needed to look like. "amateur."

"I need to get the ring first." Jae said quietly and Taeyong piped in. "Don't even worry about it. I'll take you in the morning to the jewler's to pick out the bands and diamonds. Maybe you could get an engagement ring with her birth stone then the real ring with yours and your wedding band could have hers." Taeyong started rambling ideas, Hyuck writing lightning speed on the pad of paper.

"I call doing the gifts!" Mark and Jungwoo said at the same time. "I'm nominating myself as the planner." Hyuck said writing the roles down. "I'll get the tuxes for us." Taeil nominated himself for the job with a smile. "We need to get Yuta and the rest of the boys up here!" Doyoung brought up a good point.

"Yuta will just bring baby supplies. We're not telling him until a day before the ceremony." Hyuck pointed at the boys but was met with a hit upside the head from Johnny.

"I have to find out the color palette. I'll go to Renjun and then I'll go to Jaemin for the fireworks- Jisung will be the flower girl." Donghyuck kept rattling off things he needed to get done.

"Thank you for giving me this job. I won't let you down." He finally said, laying a hand on Jaehyun's shoulder.

"Better not. It need to be perfect for her. Perfection deserves perfection." Jae said and some gagged while other coo'd at his unwithering love you for you.

The chatty hustle didn't cease as Johnny patted on Jaehyun's shoulder. "You okay?" Johnny asked with a smile on his face. Jaehyun couldn't keep the smile off of his own face. "Never better. On cloud 9." He said and Johnny's heart eased from the constant fear of Jae not being here the next day. But he didn't need to worry anymore.

"I actually need to ask you." Jae said finally putting the polished stick down on the table. "Will you be my best man?" Johnny's eyes lit up like fireworks as he brought Jae in for a manly yet friendly hug.

"I'm so proud of you, Jaehyun."

I'm enamored with the thought of seeing angels in the sky singing,

Singing, "Everything's alright."

Jaehyun proposed the next week. You both went out to an amazing and fancy moonlit dinner where you both danced and decided to start this new journey together.

Then two days after the proposal, he relapsed the worst he has ever had. Johnny found him in your guys' apartment and immediately called you and everyone who he thought he could help.

It's now present day and you can only look at Jaehyun with guilt in your eyes.

The funeral was held in the flower fields you both planned to get married in. The day was cold and dark but he had never looked so happy in his final resting place. "I'm sorry I couldn't give you the happiness you craved." You kissed his cheek before the lid was finally closed.

Now the marble had been set in place and you were alone again.

"I'm not mad. I'm jus-just so...so sorry." You wept, reaching out for him.

"I read the letter and can only ask. Why?"

The only things he had left was a damn note with the words, 'Sorry, My Dear' signing off the page as if he deemed it enough. As if his love had a capacity limit.

"I'm sorry you-you thought I was going to leave you if you told me you were so un-unhappy with life." Your stuttering didn't come to a stop as you could only imagine tears streaming down his own cheeks wherever he was in the universe. The feeling of being ashamed sent you reeling down where you had to support yourself on your knees.

The silent sobs hurt your chest as you had this free falling feeling in your chest getting more deeper. It was as if someone was pounding your chest with a drum mallot. Your heart was breaking as you felt a hand on your shoulder. Yet, you knew no one was there.

"You promised me forever." Your voice was shaky as you brushed the stray pieces of grass away from the marble in the ground.

'Jaehyun. Found happiness in where ours couldn't reach.'

"And I promise, Jae. I will love you...forever."

"And I'm so proud of you for making it this far." You whispered, fingers tracing his name on the polished marble for what felt like the millionth time.

You laid on the ground next to his resting place and looked into the vast blue sky where you imagined him reaching down to you; his soft voice that he used to sing you to sleep with carrying you with him to where you both could live happily ever after. You lifted your hands up as the tears came down.

"You did well."

[smellycinnamonthundahfudge]

5 gifts peter got for mj and 1 she gave him

im still alive bishes haha. am i really just choosing to participate in a different prompt that i barely have anything planned out for instead of finishing the one i was late in following up on? yes i am. prep urselves for some gift giving spideychelle to develop their relationship pre-ffh hehe

after hoco and peter starts to gain a work spidey life balance, he finally starts to notice that mj apparently... cares... about... him???

it wasn't obvious at first, hidden under a layer of deadpan sarcasm and witty comebacks, but the interest seemed to be there

which was why every time peter would miss a meeting, he'd actually feel bad this time because he really did want to be there this time

he'd feel terrible every time mj would ask him where he was, why he didn't show up. she was hoping he'd show and he let her down.

the first couple of times it happens, mj's understanding enough.

but it happens a couple of times too often and back to back and something snaps

you see, peter and mj have developed a bit of a rapport over the couple of months after hoco.

peter finds out mj likes coffee and tea, she read a stephen king book one time, he noticed, and they talked basically all week about king (and some of the issues surrounding him, his work, and their adaptations ofc)

soon enough their talks extend beyond school and they start meeting up in the library, at their places, at coffee shops, pizza places, an arcade one time where mj managed to beat peter at air hockey. her lil energetic whoop and almost doing a victory dance (before realizing she was in public) was worth losing for.

but admittedly, peter was just a tinge bit stressed and overextended and he unfortunately let his time with mj fall by the wayside.

he'd accidentally left her at seen for days after he completely forgot she sent him a message. she called, he answered, a robber was currently running away from some cops, he hung up on her...

suffice it to say, peter became a bit of a bad friend and he completely understood why mj reverted back to their previous relationship, he did it first

which was why peter decided enough was enough

mj has been a great friend to him, a true one, and an underappreciated one at that

which was why he decided he'd spend as much time, effort, and thoughtful gestures necessary trying to make it up to her

problem was, they were currently on clipped one word reply speaking terms right now. mj barely looked at him, she went back to sitting all the way to the other side of the farthest table during lunch again...

he needed a way in

so he went back to basics, the next day, he knew mj had a 7 am class so peter went to school at 7 am too, just to give mj some much needed caffeine

trouble was, was that mj was running late and when he gave the coffee, she left just as quick as she came

she said a quick "thanks, parker" and swoosh she sprinted to class

and peter was left there with 3 hours to spare til his next class. oh well, at least the effort made her do that quick lil toothy smirk

his efforts would work eventually won't it?

but if an omniscient narrator were watching him for the following days, they probably would have said no, no they wouldn't

one of those days, peter brought a thermos of tea only to find that mj had brought her own

"great, i thought the point of these gifts were to make things less awkward between us" peter thought to himself as he winds up walking away in slight shame from the awkward interaction

he winds up sharing the thermos with ned instead, who promptly responded "wow i get your secondhand gifts, you sure know how to make a guy feel special, peter"

"shut up, ned, do you want some or not?"

"no, come on, give it to me. free drinks are free drinks even if it's essentially just warm leaf juice. besides, i heard this helps with a sore throat."

"well, at least someone's happy with my gift"

they clink their cups together and peter begins brainstorming his next probably bound to fail gift idea

as he was walking home from school that day, and saw mj heading to the library, said idea lights up in his head in the form of bookmarks

those were cute right? and mj would probably use em all the time cus she reads so much and she reads multiple books at a time, so she'd probably use multiple bookmarks as well, right?

bookmarks it was, peter decided

he thought he'd print a bunch of personalized ones. ones that were photos of them, had quotes from significant historical female figures, and of course science puns

he knew mj didn't appreciate them as much as he did, but a part of him thought she'd like them nevertheless and would think of him when she'd use them

peter knew this gift giving crusade would be... heavy on his wallet, but as he stared at the price for laminating a couple of personalized bookmarks. he concluded lamination was a scam and believed mj would be careful enough with her books, and consequently, her bookmarks, to not need some flimsy piece of plastic to protect it

so peter opted for some folders and cardboard to make said bookmarks instead

it's only later after he got tossed into a sewer by a dude in a mechanized rhinoceros suit that he learned a valuable lesson: always laminate bookmarks

ok he was kidding (lamination was still a scam and bad for the environment and you couldnt write on the things after you laminate em)

but really tho, he did learn something. he realized he hasn't had the best of luck keeping his gifts intact in time to give said gifts to mj

so he decided to employ reinforcements

once peter's saved enough money to buy his next gift (a sketch notebook that he saw at a cutesy old crafts store), he decides that he should take ned with him when he buys it and that ned should just give it to mj instead

(better safe than sorry)

but peter still wanted mj to know the gift was from him tho, so he decided to write a letter and insert it within the notebook.

so he writes, or more like incoherently rambles and apologizes really

but peter thinks he got to the crux of the importance their relationship had to him and really, he just wanted to make things up to mj

that's what mattered

here's the thing tho, halfway thru writing said letter, he realized that having ned give it to her was kind of a cop out.

not to mention, not giving it personally but writing this long ass sort of confessional letter?

pfftt peter liked to think he was better than that

talk about sending mixed messages

so peter decided that he would still have ned keep the notebook and the letter, right up until the point that he was going to give the gifts to her.

and finally, peter parker, in this whole gift giving crusade, is finally given a fucking break.

at lunch time, the three of them are now all sitting at the same table

(peter and mj's relationship have mostly improved in the time it took him trying to give all those gifts, but he still felt guilty and he still wanted to show his appreciation for her)

ned "slyly" (mj saw it, how sly could he have been?) passes peter the notebook under the table

and peter braces himself

"i can do this" he repeatedly quietly mutters to himself until he finally approaches

"hey, mj"

"greetings, parker" casually replies mj without so much as looking up from her book

"i uh... got you something"

"is it something ned gave you?"

"what?"

"cause if it is, he can give it to me himself, you know" says mj in a semi shout to ned as well (ned looks at peter with a facial expression that said dude wtff?? how did i get in the middle of this???)

"what? no no no this isn't from ned. i bought you this."

"so why did ned have it?" says mj in her cool suave investigator mj interrogatory tone

"well..."

peter had officially maybe five? six? seconds to decide whether to share his embarrassing tales of failed gift giving woes to mj or to make up something on the spot

screw it, embarrassing failed gifts it was instead. truth shall set you free and all that, right? plus maybe it'd help him practice for when he tells her his biggest secret

peter sighs in defeat and tells mj in an almost quiet mumble "all my other gifts were destroyed when i kept them so i decided to have ned keep them instead"

"i'm sorry what?"

"it's just that the last time i tried to get you a gift, it just wound up getting ruined so i thought i'd just have ned hold onto it until it was time to give it to you."

peter can barely look mj in the eyes, the cafeteria just seems so interesting all of a sudden.

"oh"

that made peter look back at mj cus she seemed... shocked?

mj is.... shocked????

"soo... you bought that... for me?"

and god forsake peter parker because mj just gave him the cutest shyest little happy smile that he never knew she was capable of having.

"yeah yeah i did" and peter finally gets to give mj his gift/s (im counting the letter as the 5th gift cus im lazy af hahaha) and all the other trials and errors and failed gift attempts completely made the end result worth it

until ofc mj opens the damn thing and finds said letter that peter had completely forgotten at the moment was there

"what's this??" mj asks in an overly sarcastic teasing tone that kinda makes peter want to die

as mj opens the letter right there during lunch in the school cafeteria, peter suddenly lunges to block said letter's contents from mj's sight

"petet what the hell are you doing?" asks mj with the sweetest laughter that peter would totally googoo eyes about at any other moment had he not been focused on trying (and obviously failing) to keep his dignity intact

"uhhh can i ask that you just read that some other time, mj? and uh not right here, right now, in the cafeteria? it's just really embarrassing" peter shyly requests of mj, scratching his neck and looking at everything in the cafeteria but her

to that, mj simply has a sympathetic look on her face in reply

"sure, peter" says mj with a reassuring smile

and with that, peter breathes a big sigh of relief and finally lets go of his feelings letter for mj

mj closes the notebook up, keeping the letter safe inside it in the process, and secures the notebook safe inside her bag inmediately

suffice it to say, for mj, that notebook is precious cargo and she shall treasure it as much as she is capable of treasuring something

because peter parker felt guilty over not getting to spend time with her as much as they did and kind of pushing her to the sidelines and so it was just a genuine thoughtful gesture that showed peter valued their friendship/relationship as much as she valued it

PRECIOUS. CARGO.

but speaking of said cargo...

"hey peter"

"yeah?"

peter had gone back to his seat right next to ned

"sooo what was the other gift you tried to give me?" asks mj, getting back to their playful teasing banter ways

mj's question sends peter facepalming himself with the table

"don't think i've forgotten about that, i'm probably not going to stop investigating til i find out so might as well just spill the truth, parker"

peter stops his repetitive headbanging onto the table and sighs

"fine, mj"

and peter goes on to explain his bookmarks idea beginning all the way from the thermos incident

the three of them spend the rest of their lunch looking at the photos peter was going to use for the bookmarks, fondly recalling memories upon looking back at the some of the photos and laughing at all the corny science puns peter had planned on using as well

things were finally back to normal, if not better than ever.

time for some cliche corny af happy end quote ending about how their friendship and the memories they shared together was the real gifts they had buuuttt i did mention mj would be giving peter a gift didnt i? soooo mj pov epiloooggguuueeeee

here's the thing, mj had an inkling peter parker was trying to attempt something

he was at school at the same time as her crack of dawn class and gave her some much needed caffeine

he tried to share his thermos of tea with her

it seemed like peter was trying to make amends and it really was sweet and thoughtful so ofc lil by lil she began to soften back

but as mj was printing the bookmarks peter had planned to give her

mj requisitioned the idea for herself since they actually were good ideas if she's being honest

tho she would never tell peter that, ESPECIALLY the science puns one

she'd reserve those for only when she's at home, the least likely place peter could ever see her use that

ok so back to- as mj was printing said bookmarks, she began to appreciate peter's thoughtfulness

and it is totally not because of any feelings said gifts and gift attempts gave her

but right now, as she had finished printing bookmarks and got nostalgic and reread the letter of peter confessing to her how much their relationship meant to him again, she suddenly had the unscratchable itch of needing to sketch peter

and a balancing of the scales gift idea was born

because you see, rn, peter had the upper hand in terms of the morality of their friendship and mj couldnt have that nooo

mj was sketching a screen cap of a video she took of the class while they were waiting for a professor and peter gave her that impossibly adorkable smile

because she HAD TO

she couldnt let peter hog all the gift giving glory

she didnt do it because of feelings or whatever ppfftt

this was just to balance the scales, mkayyyy???

or at least that's what mj told herself once she's finished her sketch and proceeded to look for all her old ones of peter

just to even things out

and that's exactly what mj told him as she shoved said sketches that were currently inside a plastic envelope onto peter's hands

(1. less likely for them to be ruined that way. 2. she was not going to have those sketches out in the open for everyone to plainly see wtf)

"this is just to make things even between us, no need to make a big deal about it"

peter was in awe for a while, his jaw slightly dropped, but he smiles in adoration of the girl of his dreams and gives a genuine "thank you, mj"

"you're welcome, peter."

mj even smiles a little before the bell rings and she hightails out of there

mj lightly sprints away, still slightly in shock and unsure of what she just did and what just happened

while peter is left looking at mj's direction fondly and looking back at her gift for him

and as he peeked inside the envelope to see its contents and saw all those sketches of him

peter felt like he truly didn't deserve someone like mj

and he felt like all the gifts in the world he could think of and muster up wouldn't be able to make up for that fact

holy fucking shit i cant believe i actually finished one of these things again. it's like pulling fucking fingernails and teeth at the same time, i tell you

but honestly i'm just really really happy i finished it and it's so pure and fluffy imo and nothing im just. i love these two sm.

this fic was supposed to be for 5+1 things day but since they're also a bunch of headcanons i like to think i'm just posting these in advance for headcanons day tomorrow hahahaha

IM BACK ON THE SPIDEYCHELLE MONTH TRAIN BABY TOOT TOOT TOOOTTTT

and i have a couple of fics left in me so whew keep a lookout for those if they decide to come hahaha

all hail spideychelle everybody. i'll be back i dunno haha

[scifinal]

DW s12e10: It's Quite Unfortunate That This Child Keeps On Regenerating

It's only fitting that the first post on a blog called "SciFinal" should be about a season finale.

Not that fitting is the fact that in said post I'm going to begin where it all started for me.

Part One: How I Even Got into This Mess of a Show in the First Place

While I call myself a huge Doctor Who fan, even a – *gasp* – Whovian, I must admit I am not as familiar with the franchise as I would like to be; I've seen the new show, I've seen Torchwood (though, admittedly, I had to force myself to finish the fourth season – but that's a story for another day), I've listened to a handful of audio dramas (including Kaldor City, which I consider to be canon for both DW and Blake's 7) – mostly Torchwood audio dramas, but who cares, – I've read a couple of comics, I've got a novel or two somewhere on my bookshelf, I've seen the first couple of seasons of the classic show, but that's about it. I can't say I grew up with it – it wasn't on TV when I was a kid, there isn't an official Ukrainian dub, et cetera, et cetera. I first heard about it when I was about thirteen, when my classmate did a project about something they liked – and was pretty dismissive of my peers' hobbies at the time, believing myself to be somewhat above them, so I didn't pay much attention.

Then somebody finally pressured me into watching it (I believe I was fifteen or something back then) and I loved it. The first two episodes of the first season, I mean. I watched those, texted my friend something like "consider me a Whovian now!" and abandoned the show completely only to return to it maybe several years later.

I loved it. This time, for real.

Doctor Who has been with me ever since that time, it has a big soft spot reserved for each and every Doctor ever in my heart, and for each and every companion. I know full well it's cheesy, and it's stupid, and it's technobabble-y, and it's glorious in all of its cheesy technobabble-y stupidity.

And I hate this finale.

Part Two: Doctor, Why

I hate this finale – because I hate Chris Chibnall. Mind you, not the gentleman himself (I don't even know what he looks like, and I can't be bothered to Google), I hate what he did to Doctor Who.

Now, when it was revealed that the would replace Steven Moffat I felt... nothing. What did you expect? I had no idea who the man was. I know now he's made Broadchurch, and I know he wrote a bunch of stuff for Torchwood back in the day, including Cyberwoman. I had to drop Broadchurch because of how well-handled the depressing atmosphere was, and I love the flawed, dumb, sexy-cyber-bikinied, almost-fifteen-minutes-of-Ianto's-whining-including (I know because some time ago I literally cut almost every single moment of Gareth David-Lloyd whimpering, moaning, groaning, screaming, and mugging at the camera out of the episode and made those bits and pieces into a beautiful clip show called "I HATE THIS" to explain exactly why his face was and still is so punchable) mindless fun that is Cyberwoman (this is also one of the two episodes in which they actually do something fun with the pterodactyl living inside Torchwood's underground base). The latter also led to the creation of one amazing in how it develops Ianto's character audio drama entitled "Broken". I love Broken. I am now forcing you to look at its cover because of how much I love it.

Here we go. Now, back to the point of me rambling pointlessly

In his video "Sherlock Is Garbage, and Here's Why", a well-known YouTuber hbomberguy pointed out how Steven Moffat's problem is that he is more than capable of writing a good one-off episodes, but ultimately fails at managing multiple complex, overarching stories, as visible when you look at the difference between Moffat's individual episodes and his run on the show.

Now, I believe that Chris Chibnall suffers from the same affliction: he's a good screenwriter but a terrible, terrible showrunner. Sure, he's made Broadchurch, but Broadchurch, in its essence, was a complete singular story with a beginning, a middle, and an end. There were no bigger, incomplete arcs expanding at the expense of other episodes, and the show did exactly what it was originally designed to do: it told an uninterrupted story.

Here comes Chris Chibnall's run on Doctor Who.

Now, while Steven Moffat was ultimately not very good at managing overarching stories, he tried to do so nonetheless, and the fans seemed to like his attempts. And while I can't be sure as to whether it was Chris' original vision for the show or he and his co-writers were merely trying to emulate Moffat, he attempted the same. A friend of mine has even pointed out how, to her, it was painfully obvious how the writers of the finale were desperately trying to copy Moffat's style (to give you some context, she grasped it from a 30-second clip of the CyberMasters' reveal, and that clip basically consisted of me filming my laptop's screen and laughing at their design, making the video wobbly and the audio distorted). At the time of writing this post this friend hasn't seen a single episode of Chibnall's era and, as far as I know, has no wish to do so – mainly because of two reasons that both have something to do with the finale:

Somebody's already spoiled it for her, so who cares;

I ranted to her about how shit this finale is and now she hates everything about Chibnall era.

I am very sorry for the latter, since I genuinely believe there are some nice episodes in these seasons, and I especially like the "historical" ones, they really are quite a lot of fun, I like Nikola Tesla and Thomas Edison fighting badly CG-ed alien scorpions, I love Lord Byron and Mary Shelley running around a haunted house trying to escape from a Cyberman (even though it's all too similar to the Agatha Christie episode from Russel T Davies' run), I adore that episode about Rosa P–– oh, wait, no, that one was crap and ripped off Blake's 7... Anyway, I love Jodie Whittaker's Doctor, I am a big fan of Graham, I like Ryan just fine, and I can put up with Yaz, even though it's been two seasons and I've still got no idea what's her personality supposed to be, and I absolutely love the new Master (he reminds me of a cute little pug with a big Tommy gun). There is plenty of good stuff in these two seasons, they are lots of fun to watch, but this finale... Oh god, this finale.

Part Three: We Had All of Time and Space at Our Fingertips and We Ended Up with This

We are getting to the point of this whole thing. I would love to begin with the obvious, the twist, but there's so much wrong with this who-cares-how-many-parter than this one big thing.

It is inept. It is impotent. It is incompetent. It is bad at almost everything except its okay camera work, somewhat good (for a British TV show, I mean) effects, and its really solid performances.

Its editing is tone-deaf to the extreme. There is a moment in the final episode where Ko Sharmas asks who will be the first to cross the Boundary and step into the unknown, and immediately it cuts to Yaz walking towards it, all fast and silent. I would love to show you a clip of it, but I don't have one and I can't force myself to download the episode and sit through this shitshow again just to present you with a ten-second clip. Nonetheless, that part is not edited like a dramatic moment. You edit comedies this way. Bad comedies. Bad editors edit bad comedies this way.

Its plot is incoherent. There are several plot threads in this finale, and they're managed in a way that doesn't make the viewer care about all of them at the same time, rather the viewer goes "oh, I've completely forgotten this was happening" and then, before they can even begin to care, the show cuts to something else. It's all over the place and oh so annoying.

The plot armour is painfully obvious despite every attempt to disguise it. There wasn't a single, solitary second when I believed the Doctor was really going to sacrifice herself and, lo and behold, here comes the old guy ex machina to do it for her. The only questions I was asking at that moment were "How are the writers going to prevent the Doctor's death now that they've seemingly created themselves a way to go on forever?" and "How can Whittaker care so much about her performance in this scene she's literally almost crying?". I wholeheartedly related to the Master asking "So why are we still here?" and shout–– hiss–– mumbl–– whatever-ing "Come on, come on, come on!" – at that point I've suffered through at least forty-five minutes of utter nonsense, people going preachy, religious Cybermen with Dalek motivations, that absolutely ludicrous scene in the previous episode when the show was trying its worst to make me perceive autonomous flying Cyber-heads with laser eyes as a serious threat, a shit twist and... Oh.

I've got to finally touch on the shit twist, haven't I?

It doesn't make sense. No, I mean it. I guess it makes sense from the show's writers' standpoint to retcon everything in a way that would allow them to go on forever without having to come up with a way to circumvent limited regenerations, yes. And I won't be touching upon all the lore people say this twist has ruined. No. It doesn't make sense as it is.

The twist is revealed to us by a madman that claims to have hacked into a database, claims to possess control over the Doctor's mind, and gives the Doctor and the audience no actual solid proof that the Timeless Child is, indeed, the Doctor. We have Ruth, sure, and she's nice enough (damn, I want that vest), and she's a Timelord that happens to own a TARDIS that looks like a blue police telephone box, and she calls herself the Doctor. Here's Ruth:

I really like Ruth. She also makes no sense from the show's timeline standpoint, since the Doctor's Type 40 TARDIS only got stuck looking like a police box in 1963, so there's no reason for the Doctor to not remember being her.

We also know that the Judoon have identified Ruth as "the Fugitive"... except in one of their previous appearances in the show they weren't able to identify their targets exactly and thus were seeking out non-humans. There is a possibility that they were only looking for a Time Lord on Earth.

You know what? It's possible that Ruth is actually the Master messing with the Doctor. I have just as much proof of this as I have of the fact that the Doctor is some kind of an endlessly regenerating superbeing.

But this is not the most maddening thing here. I loathe it, but I don't loathe the twist itself: I loathe its lifelessness, I loathe how empty, how unemotional, almost robotic it feels. When somebody'd spoiled the finale for me, I got angry, and I started asking questions, and when later I saw the actual thing...

This gif. I can't even explain how accurate it is. I stood there, in the middle of my kitchen, episode paused, holding a cup of cold tea and desperately looking around as if in my surroundings I could somehow find that emotional reaction that this show failed to evoke. I was ready to burst into tears of how empty it felt, and how empty I felt, and how the same show that has Christopher Eccleston go from literally foaming at the mouth with pure hatred to shocked silence in a matter of second because of one sentence that you, a viewer, can't help but be astonished by failed to make me feel the tiniest speck of literally any emotion. And slowly, I felt that vast void in my chest fill with sheer, pure, flaming hatred for the person who made me feel nothing, for the story that left me not bored – but empty.

And the next moment, in its own unique way of being absolutely tone-deaf, the show introduces the CyberMasters, looking ridiculous, being asinine in concept, making me burst into laughter with their dumb design. Wow.

So.

Chris Chibnall's Doctor Who is no longer a show. Chris Chibnall's Doctor Who isn't even, as somebody on Stardust said, a fan fiction. It's a rollercoaster. A lackluster rollercoaster that lifts you from the vast caverns of frozen hell, devoid of any life whatsoever, soulless and abandoned, to the heavenly torture of being so bad, so utterly awful and ridiculous, that you can't help but laugh as you watch something you used to love be distorted and deformed to the point where you can't recognise it anymore nor really care. This is what Chris Chibnall's Doctor Who has become. And I'm going to continue my ride on that grotesque rollercoaster. I'm going to pirate that ride and get on it again. Because I'm a masochist. Because I want to feel something, even if it's hatred towards those that make me feel nothing.

Because some time ago my fifteen-year-old self watched the first season and learned a lesson that I hold dear after all these years – that I can't abandon hope, and that someday, somehow, things are going to get better. That the future is being written right now. That the future can change.