#actually thanks for asking so I could get that out of my system haha

[artykyn]

here’s a token to cash in whenever you want: so what about piercings at claire’s?

Okay you asked

First of all, a traditional piercing at a reputable piercing studio uses a hollow needle to pierce your ear. The earring is essentially threaded into your ear. Needles are super sharp, sterile, and single-use.

Claire's uses a gun.

It's a special gun that loads up the earring and jams it right into your ear. They market this as "needle free piercing!" to, I don't know, calm people who are afraid of needles? But here's the thing: the gun hurts way way worse than a needle. You aren't being pierced with a sharp needle, you are being jabbed by a blunt earring.

Needle? Clean, smooth hole. Gun? Well... think about what happens if you shoot a bullet through a target. On the front, it looks like a clean circle. On the back?

That's the back of your ear after getting pierced by a gun!

Your tissues are super screwed up, your piercing wound is way bigger than it would be with a clean, sharp needle, and your healing process is more complicated. The stud you stick on the back of your earring is pressed against all that loose flappy damaged skin that is now desperate to heal itself from such blunt force trauma-- don't be surprised if your skin grows and heals around the stud in the same way that trees "consume" things.

Also you can't even sterilize a piercing gun properly. Shopping mall piercing kiosks claim that it's sterile but the fact is that single-use needles and disposable surgical gloves are way more sterile than a gun you clean between every customer.

Claire's tries to market it as a "No contact!" piercing method that's "cleaner" because the piercer's hand doesn't have to touch your ear. If you trust a surgeon to physically touch your organs then what's the big deal about a professional piercer touching your ear?

Since the cartilage of your ear is way more delicate than your lobe, using a piercing gun there is more likely to straight up shatter your ear. Like shooting a gun at a block of wood. Lots of cracks and splinters!!

By the way, Claire's is not the only place that uses piercing guns. In fact, you can even buy them yourself online to do "at-home piercing".

Avoid them. Oh my god please avoid them.

Second of all you need high-grade metal for an initial piercing. Low-grade stainless steel is okay for a healed piercing. But using it for an initial piercing is how you risk allergic reactions, irritation, rejection (it never heals, and your body forces it out). This is also how you can put yourself at risk of spontaneously developing a nickel allergy that you will have for the rest of your life! (Like me!!)

Claire's does have some high-grade metals you can choose from. But they also offer stainless steel. Most stainless steels use nickel as part of the alloy mix. If you're going for stainless steel for a first piercing, get surgical-grade.

Let's assume you wanted an aquarium. Obviously, a store that specializes in aquariums has better products than a generic store like Petco. The employees at an aquarium store are also WAY better informed about aquariums and fish, and can give you better advice, as opposed to the average Petco worker, who has a general knowledge of all animals but nothing too in-depth about any specific ones. Some of the suggestions I've been given by Petco workers would 100% be animal torture. They don't know better.

That's Claire's. The employees aren't professional piercers, they are retail workers who got basic piercing training. For that reason, piercings are super cheap! You get what you pay for.

My final gripe is around piercing culture in general. Piercings are, I'm sure you're aware, often gendered as a "feminine" thing. A woman having her ear lobes pierced is super common. And if a woman wants to have pierced ears, okay, but my issue is with mothers who take their infant baby girls to get their ears pierced.

Those are women who did not want to get their ears pierced. Their mothers forced it upon them as a baby, because their mothers had some weird obsession with gender roles and aesthetic appearance and wanted to treat their baby like a doll. If a man forced his girlfriend to get her ears pierced so she'd look more feminine, that'd be sketchy. Why is it okay for mothers to pierce their baby's ears?? A baby is a human being, not a toy.

Putting a bow on your kid is one thing. Putting them through permanent body-altering procedures for the sake of YOUR aesthetics, however? Would you tattoo freckles on your child if freckles were considered a cute feminine thing for girls to have? Would you sign your brown-eyed baby up to get that procedure that turns their eyes blue, if blue eyes were considered feminine? What is your limit? How far do gender roles have to go before you question them?

Let people choose for THEMSELVES if they want to get a piercing, or any other body alteration. For goodness's sake. Why does that have to be said.

"Oh it's just a piercing it's not a big deal" babies do not understand the care instruction "do not touch". The baby will touch the piercing. The baby will crawl and roll around and put their ears against the floor and many other things. The risk of infection and bad healing is super high. The risk of your child now growing up with a deformed ear is super high.

ESPECIALLY if you use a piercing gun.

And guess what?

Claire's will happily pierce your baby's ears for you.

[gojossocks]

New Romantics

Gojo x reader 𐙚 Genre: fluff, comedy, hurt/comfort 𐙚 Summary: You are the bane of Gojo's existence, at least that's what he tells himself. You're just full of surprises and he can't help but be fully enamored by you. 𐙚 wc: 8.5k 𐙚 content: kinda enemies to kinda lovers, a bunch of high schoolers, gojo is soo out of touch with his feelings, it's in his pov, gojo is sooo down bad, PINING, badass reader, reader is in a clan too! reader smokes ! kinda screams im not like other girls in a less toxic way, jealous! gojo, heavy make out, very self-indulgent HAHA can be read as a standalone. 𐙚 a/n: my first ever series ! it's kinda long but i swear it's fun! :D

series masterlist | prologue

Arrogant. Insufferable. Patronizing. Apathetic. 

The list goes on. 

Granted, Gojo is nowhere near close to you. You were barely friends.

If there is one person in Jujutsu High that he likes the least, it would be you. It’s not like he resents you, it’s just that you represent  everything he hated from being in a clan just like him.

From the way you strut your very expensive loafers to the way you shop to your heart’s content after every mission since your first year. Not to mention that you’re the all-perfect princess that your clan wants you to be. 

“Gojo, please pass me the p-“

“No can do, shorty.”  He chirps, giving you a shit-eating grin. 

You glared at him before motioning Shoko to hand you the pen instead. “Gojo, you know you kinda look like someone I like.”  You didn’t let him finish, crossing your arms before giving him a devilish smirk. “That cute little rat from Shrek.” 

Gojo’s eyes widened at your insult but Suguru and Shoko were already snickering at him. He despises the idea that everyone seems to adore you, except him of course.

In the eyes of the higher ups and your family, you were the sweetest girl ever. Somehow, you’re always growing horns around him. 

Everyone thinks that Gojo’s only messing with you whenever the two of you banter. Hell, there are some students gossiping that he has a crush on you (which he definitely doesn’t) But only Geto and Shoko know how much he actually dislikes you.

You seem so obedient with all your clans orders, following everything that’s asked of you, carrying the submissiveness and elegance a Y/L/N is supposed to have. And if there’s anything Gojo hated the most, it’s tradition. It’s why he’s in Jujutsu High in the first place, he wanted to change the system badly— and seeing you become the embodiment of the tradition he badly wants to change pisses him off. 

Each time the higher ups get mad at him for not being in his ‘best behavior’, your name is constantly echoed around the meeting room. ‘You should be more like Y/L/N’ ‘Bring honor to your clan like how Y/L/N does.’ 

The only act of rebellion that you do is that your hair is dyed in a way that would make the higher ups frown. Your hair is recently dyed bright orange. He finds himself scoffing at the idea that you only get scolded because of a damn hair color. Gojo’s also confused with how cunning and sassy you are when there aren’t any prying eyes. Maybe you’re just doing that to seem cool. 

Well, he just has to avoid you at all costs so you would stop annoying him and pestering his thoughts. 

Unfortunately for him, Yaga has different plans. 

“Satoru. Y/N.” Yaga announces when he was pairing up students for a mission but he doesn’t even get to finish because Gojo emits a loud dramatic groan from across the room. 

“Why?” He whined, tilting his head up to create a dramatic effect. “It’s always been Suguru and I.” 

“Satoru, you and Suguru need to be paired up with someone who's an expert in reversed curse technique. It’s your fault you haven’t learned it yet.”  

Gojo crossed his arms and pouted. “Y/N can kiss my ass, teacher.” 

“No thanks. I’m sure you don’t wash yours. I could smell you from afar, stinky.” Everyone else groaned as the two of you started another banter, forcing the meeting to be 5 minutes longer than usual— particularly because no one dares to cut off your argument (Yaga is too amused because of how much you put Gojo in his place.) 

-.-

The mission didn’t go well. It was the first time you and Gojo worked together, and judging by your huge egos, your banter caused the both of you to get injured– you more so than Gojo. He was too reckless today, attempting to get a reaction out of you, which is why he got caught off guard when a 1st grade curse attacked him.

You pushed him out of the way, causing the curse to land a hit on your shoulder and right arm. Gojo stood still in his place in shock and your right arm was already injured when he snapped out of  his trance. He obliterated the curse easily but the damage has been done. 

You’re just lucky it was a minor injury but the fact that you did that for him, considering how you two were at each other’s necks for the longest time confuses him. It disoriented him until the both of you arrived at Jujutsu High. 

When he got patched up, he stood up to apologize but you were nowhere to be found. He assumes you’ve already healed yourself due to your reverse curse technique ability but he can’t help the nagging feeling in his mind. 

You were quiet today— well, ever since this afternoon. And no he’s not keeping track, he’s just not used to not hearing your snarky remarks and sarcastic comebacks at his attempts to annoy the shit out of you.

You’re just ignoring him, giving short insults in response to his own for the most part of your mission until you shielded him from that curse. 

His guilt weighs on him heavily as he strolls around the school, waiting for Shoko and Geto. but really it’s just to see you. Gojo had noticed that you’re always gone the moment after your mission’s debriefing, sometimes even when you’re injured. 

At last, he saw you just a few blocks away from Jujutsu High, towards the new 7/11 store that opened a few months ago. Gojo tilts his head to the side and furrows his eyebrows before deciding to follow you as discreetly as he could.

He stood near a house behind the convenience store where he could be hidden by a large plant beside it. He watched you grab a few things off the shelves and talk with the cashier, who happily greets you at the counter. You must’ve been here frequently. 

1 can of coke. A box of cigarettes. Coffee. 

Gojo never took you as the type who would visit a convenience store, as shocking as that sounds. He knows you’re rich. Filthy rich. You’ve always been pampered just like him, everything down at your feet because you’re the most powerful sorcerer in your clan. 

Finally, you got out of the store. Gojo’s eyes widened like saucers when you went straight to his hiding spot. 

“You know,” You called out, putting a hand on your hip.  “It surprises me how much of an idiot you are despite being a notorious smartass. Your hair sticks out of the leaves because you’re so fucking tall, Gojo.” 

“Heh.” He rubs his nape sheepishly, offering you a shy grin. “Didn’t think you’d see me.”  

“Really?” You deadpan before walking away from him, back to Jujutsu High. He jogs up to your side. “Why are you hiding anyway? Spying on your rival or something?” 

“Maybe.” He says lightly. It’s the first time any of you are talking normally to each other without malice. “Where are you going?” 

“Somewhere.” 

“Can I come?” He insisted, voice filled with excitement, leaving no hint that he’s gonna stop following you.  A smile tugs at the corner of your lips.

He looks like a puppy, following you around. It’s an amusing sight, even to  you. 

“No.”  You still kept walking, paying no mind as Gojo continued to follow you.

He feels an unusual giddiness at the thought that you hadn’t outright pushed him away because if you really wanted to, you would have told him to leave. 

You lead him to the abandoned fence with the sign ‘DO NOT ENTER’ in the restricted building of the school that had remained under construction for years. It was the tallest building in Jujutsu High. You wordlessly went up to the concealed stairs at the obscured side of the building and onto the rooftop. 

You sat at the edge of the building, your feet dangling off the edge. Gojo cautiously followed your actions, opting to sit next to you. He observes you as you unravel bit by bit and it’s the first time he’s seen you this relaxed and vulnerable—something that you granted him the privilege to see.

Rummaging through your paper bag, you retrieved a can of his favorite drink, Coca-Cola. As you handed it to him, a subtle surprise flashed across his face before he muttered a sincere ‘thanks. 

You then opened your box of Marlboro red and lit up a cigarette, putting it in between your lips before taking a drag. Gojo observes you silently, his mouth agape.  It was a revelation, discovering facets of you that he never anticipated. The act of you casually smoking, the ember casting a faint glow on your features, added another layer to the enigma that you are. 

Gojo stays silent for a few  more minutes or so until you notice his confusion, mainly because his eyebrows are almost meeting and he’s staring intently into the abyss. 

“Are you broken or something? You usually never stop yapping.” You joked, bumping your shoulder to his. 

“I didn’t know you smoked.” Gojo says dumbfoundedly. 

You chuckled but his question was left unanswered. He forgets about it completely because his brain short circuits when you move closer to him, taking off his sunglasses and perching it atop his head. His radiant baby blue eyes are out staring at you intently.

You give him a soft smile and point at the view in front of you. “I love going here after missions, sunset’s beautiful here.” 

“you’re being nice to me. Why?” 

Again. No answer. You just hummed in amusement and no words were spoken afterwards. 

The sun begins to descend, casting a warm, golden glow over the view from below. The city sprawls out beneath the both of you and the skyline extends into the horizon, bleeding in hues of pink and orange. Both of you sit in silence and when Gojo turns to look at you, he feels his heart beat quickening every passing second.

You look so breathtaking as the remaining sunlight kisses your skin, creating a halo effect around you. He suddenly doesn’t know why his palms feel so sweaty and he can’t manage to land a punchline to make you roll your eyes playfully at him. 

“I’m sorry I got distracted. Thank you for saving me today. I didn’t know you’d be more…” He trails off and you cut him off with a laugh so pretty enough that his head whipped to turn to you. 

“Kind? Human? You think I’m just like my clan huh?” You giggled and it shocked him how light you’re taking the situation.

You must’ve gotten used to it.

Just like him.

You stayed silent for a while before speaking in a serious tone. “Just because I don’t defy my clan’s ideals freely as you do doesn’t mean I’m not against it. When you’re a woman, you have to play nice, you know? I don’t have much of a choice unlike you. I know you don’t like me but I shielded you because you’re my friend.”

It was a wonder for Gojo that he’s the only one you’re not on good terms with out of everyone in Jujutsu High. Hell, he even overheard Yaga asking you to call back those Kyoto Students. It’s a big deal because those pesky Kyoto Students are usually their rivals but for some reason they’re always looking for you.

Then comes the Tokyo students, whom he never sees not greeting you or asking to hang out with you. Come to think of it, their expressions are always brightening up whenever you’re around and he thought that maybe they’re not that welcoming to him because he’s loud. But it’s you. It’s all you. 

From the way you listen intently to your friends, and your saccharine voice asking them about their day or whatever that piques their interest. You care, a lot. You even saved him from that grade 1 curse, resulting in a painful wound on your shoulder. Granted, you had the ability to heal yourself but who was he even in your life? and yet you took the fall for him. 

Gojo always hated that everyone seemed to look at him as that ‘six-eyed kid from the Gojo clan’. He hated the rumors about him just because of your last name— something that he has done to you since the first time you stepped foot into the school. 

He swallows his guilt and sets his pride aside. He wanted nothing more than to make it up to you.  “I’m sorry, Y/N. I’ve read you wrong. I thought you were just like the rest of them.”  

“It’s alright.” You say nonchalantly as possible but the voice crack at the end gives you away. Gojo chooses to ignore that. This probably means a lot to you as much as it did to him. “I mean I get it, I actually admire your passion for changing the way our clans lead the Jujutsu World. I think you have the guts for standing up to them just like that.”

“You really think so?’ He scoots closer and gives you a small smile, his heartbeat quickening faster as he feels your warmth— your thighs almost touching. 

“Yeah.” You grinned back, leaning your wait to his side before taking a sip from your coffee. 

“So you think I’m pretty?” He looks at you and bats his eyelashes comedically.

You snorted in response and slapped his arm lightly.  “I’ll throw you off this building.” 

Gojo forgot the passage of time in those 4 hours at that rooftop. The sun had already set and the moon was gleaming, already dark out. He likes talking to you but he enjoys it more when you’re the one doing the talking. 

You talked about your school life, hobbies, even your life with your clan– anything that comes to mind. Talking to you is as easy as breathing. You’re just full of wisdom, kindness, and wit.

Gojo found out today that he actually likes making you laugh, something about it makes his stomach feel funny. He also found out your preferences in coffee, food, and even music. 

“Don’t you dare tell that spot to anyone, Gojo.” You took one of the sweets in his hands and popped it in your mouth before giving him a teasing grin.

You’re now walking side by side on the way to the dormitory. He insisted on walking you to your dorm even if his dorm is from the other side of the building. 

A chuckle escaped his lips as he matched your stride. “Yes, Ma’am.”  He replied with a teasing voice, earning a hum of approval from you. You finally stopped in front of your door. 

“Thank you Goj-” 

“Satoru.” He cut you off,  his voice suddenly softening. As you tilted your head inquisitively, he found himself breaking into another warm smile.  His cheeks ached from smiling too much this evening. “You can call me Satoru instead.” 

“I like saying Gojo, especially when I yell your name when I’m mad at you.” 

“Are you mad at me right now?” He wiggles his eyebrows, earning a playful roll of your eyes in response. 

“No.” 

His demeanor shifted then, almost like he’s surrendering his vulnerability to you. “Then call me Satoru.” You could almost hear the plea in his voice. 

You sigh in mock defeat, your lips curved into a smile as you relented to his request. “Okay, Satoru.”

-.-

“You’re barely hanging out with me anymore, Satoru. Have you found my replacement already?” Suguru says, smirking as he watches his best friend’s eyes widened— a blush adorning Satoru's cheeks.

Satoru fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, causing Suguru to smirk at him. This behavior definitely did not go unnoticed by his best friend. Rarely did Satoru ever get nervous and Suguru was all for it. 

“I was just busy, Suguru. You missed me that much? I didn’t know I am participating in a homosexual relationship with you—”  He retorted, attempting to deflect Suguru. 

But Suguru wasn’t one to let him off the hook easily. “Busy hogging Y/N?” 

Satoru scoffed, giving him a look of disbelief. “Pffft. Nah. Of course not. We’re friends!” He insisted, though the way his gaze momentarily flickered away betrayed a hint of something more.  

It has been nearly 6 months since that evening on the rooftop. Satoru and you have been attached to the hip ever since— or to phrase it better, Satoru has been attached to you ever since. Somehow, you’re a lot more similar than he thinks and because of that, you just know each other a lot deeper.

He also finds himself doing things out of pure interest like walking with you to the 7/11 store after mission just to talk to you til dusk on that rooftop, completely forgetting about his friend group’s game nights. Other times, he reaches for your wrist to encourage you to mingle with other people. He even accompanies you to your monthly shopping sprees in the city or in Shinjuku or Shibuya. He found out you love traveling and going to other places— it clears your mind, you had said. His closet is now full of clothes you helped him pick out, almost half of them you bought for him randomly. 

It’s normal for friends to do that, right? 

Seated side by side, Satoru and Suguru observed how you and Shoko practiced your reverse cursed technique. Satoru’s just munching on the sweets you bought for him while his best friend is clearly enjoying the view of how dumbstruck he is by you. 

“Satoru,” he began. “You’re always following her around, it’s like you’re glued to each other already and you even fell asleep together during movie nights more than 3 times already. The only time you’re not with her is when you’re on missions with me or lunch. Are you already secretly dating?” 

“Yeah, we’re not!” Satoru says swiftly and defensively, causing Suguru to raise an eyebrow at him. “Why are you keeping count anyway?” 

 “Sure, just friends.” Suguru insisted, attempting to downplay the whole situation but Satoru is already growing agitated with the way he’s being teased.  Suguru gave him a devilish smirk.  “What if she dates another guy?” 

Satoru shuts up for a minute before muttering a quiet  “… She won’t.” 

“You don’t sound sure. She eventually will.” Suguru gave him an all-knowing smile and that’s when he knew that Suguru was being serious. 

“Huh?”  Satoru furrowed his eyebrows, casting an accusing look at his best friend.  “How are you so sure?” 

“Shoko said she’s going on dates.” 

Oh. 

So that’s why he’s been seeing you less, and you seem so distracted whenever you guys would hang out. Satoru thought that you were just busy but he didn’t think you’d actually go on dates with anyone. I mean, you’re still young right? Besides, who would be deserving of you?

Satoru didn’t notice that he was staring daggers into Shoko as you hugged her tightly. His expression darkened, jealousy flashing in his eyes before softening as he heard you laugh. 

Pretty. 

You look so pretty. 

Since when did he find you incredibly pretty?

Sure, you were just friends but he doesn’t know why he has this urge to be with you all the time, he even wants to hug you like how you hug Shoko and Utahime. It’s just unfair that you only lean to him or give him a fist bump or when you fall asleep with your head on his shoulder.

He longs to hold you close, to see you every morning, and to be the person that makes you laugh all the time.  

And when you noticed him staring you beamed at him and waved. 

Oh, he definitely has a crush on his friend. 

He didn’t know how much time passed but soon enough his day wouldn’t be completed without seeing you. He actually looks forward now to the meeting with different plans, particularly because you were there with him. And he basically lives now in your dorm room, candy wrappers everywhere and an array of his glasses sit beside your bedside table.

You talk about anything, even the random thoughts that come to his mind. You managed to know him better than Suguru knows him, which is surprising by the way. 

But during the past week, he surprisingly didn’t see you— not even at the rooftop that you both had grown to hang out together. Suguru told him that he acts like he has a ‘stick up his ass’ but he was just worried about you. Have you grown tired of him? It all made him fidget like crazy. 

Satoru caught a glimpse of your bright blue hair after your mission with Suguru. It was the kind of blue that matches his eyes. But he didn’t pay attention to it that much because of your sullen look.

He tried looking for you at the convenience store or your dorm but you were already gone so his last bet is at the rooftop, and there you are.

Your back is facing him with your feet dangling off the edge, you seem to be in your own world judging by the loud music he’s hearing. There are two packs of cigarettes by your side and a can of your favorite coffee. The sun is almost setting again and you’re just staring ahead while you hum along to the song you're listening to. The view seems so… sad. He felt something tug at his heart strings. 

“You know you should quit smoking. if you keep it, you’ll never see me old handsome.”  He tried to joke off before climbing the edge to sit next to you. He took off his glasses before wincing at the view, it was too bright so he decided to put it on again. 

You giggled in response,  he can tell that you saw right through him when you had a soft look in your face.  The both of you hadn’t quite reached the stage where you’re entirely comfortable with opening up to one another.

So he tried to lighten up the mood once more, “It actually diminishes your ability as a sorcerer.” 

“Says who?” 

“Says yoda” He responded rhetorically before giving you a lopsided grin.  

You nodded before taking out your lighter to light up your cigarette.   “I only smoke when I’m stressed.” You confessed.

“Oh?” Satoru asks 

“Yeah” You smiled at him, taking a drag from your cigarette, sighing when the nicotine hit your system. 

“Then we’ll do something else, yeah?” He grinned at you mischievously before pointing his index. “Wait.” 

With a quick rummage through his pockets, he brought out a handful of brightly colored lollipops, their wrappers crinkling softly in his hand. 

“What do you have in mind?” You asked, raising your eyebrows at him. 

Satoru extended his hand, offering you a lollipop with a playful wink. “Something sweeter?” 

He gives you a toothy grin—his eyes sparkling when you take it, shaking your head at his enthusiasm.

“This is ridiculous,” You laughed, amused by his antics as you unwrapped the sweet treat and popped it into your mouth. 

“It works, right?” Satoru asked eagerly. 

He’s been searching for alternative ways for nicotine but he couldn’t find any gum in the 7/11 store. Lollipops are his last choice. 

“I don’t know. Isn’t it gum that lessens the nic addiction?”  You countered, bumping your shoulder against his. 

“Lollipops are an alternative,” He says defensively, though a hint of concern crept up to his face.  “Are you okay?”  

“Yeah, uhm. It just gets tiring sometimes, you know?” You responded, bitterness lacing your voice. “ All the pressure. Sometimes I feel like I’m not treated humanely at one point.” 

“Hey. I’ll help you okay?” He placed a hand on your shoulder before offering you a soft smile. “When you’re with me, you don’t have to please those old geezers.” 

“I appreciate it, Satoru.” You smiled back at him and he found himself melting in your gaze. The sun be damned, he could live alone in your presence.

You decided to leave when it’s already half past eight. Once he helped you to his feet you looked at him shyly, and if it’s a bit lighter out he would see a blush creeping up to your face. The walk back to your dorm is silent again, your hands just occasionally brush and Satoru wondered if you think about holding his hand too. 

So when you let him in your dorm like you usually do. Satoru hesitated for a moment before he mustered up the courage and asked, “Is it okay if I hug you?” 

He noticed you freeze and he feared that he might have overstepped, but before he could retract his words, you’re already nodding and he instinctively wrapped his arms around you. Satoru hears you sigh in the hug and he feels like he’s floating when you tug him closer.

Satoru prayed silently that you couldn’t hear the loud thumping of his heart because he finally has you in his arms and this is all he wanted. The warmth of your body against his, the way you leaned into his touch, it all felt surreal to him. 

You’ve finally let your guard down around him and he noticed you gradually open up to him when you’re feeling sad or disappointed with something. Somehow he can’t bring himself to be like that to you yet, Satoru has this underlying feeling that you’d like him less if he starts showing vulnerability. 

But to his surprise, he feels like you like him more because of that. There was this instance where he’s so overstimulated after a mission because he had to take off his glasses to work on his six eyes. He started to become dizzy and everything around him was a blur.

As he sat on the couch, feeling utterly overwhelmed and disoriented after the mission. Despite his attempts to mask his discomfort with a feeble smile, you saw right through him, as you always seemed to do.

“Satoru, are you okay?” Your voice cut through the haze of his senses, casting him a worried glance.

He managed a strained smile before the brightness around him intensified, sending a sharp pang through his temples. "I'm...I'm fine," he mumbled.

“Satoru, you’re not a good liar.” You stood up to turn off the lights, only leaving the night lamp on, a soft glow illuminating the entire room, making it bearable for Satoru. He’s rubbing his temples, trying to ease the pain. 

He feels a weight dip in the couch, you gently remove his glasses and place them on the nearby table. Then, without warning, your arms enveloped him in a warm embrace, guiding his head to rest against the crook of your neck, fully covering his eyes.

Now that he’s calmed down, Satoru became acutely aware of the closeness between you. He’s lucky that you can’t see how his eyes widened at your action and how flushed he probably looks right now. Well, not that he can see anything right now. 

But he chooses to ignore the loud beating of his heart again, passing it off as adrenaline rush from the mission. He allows himself to relax in your hold, with your fingers threading softly through his hair, all his worries and fatigue melted away. 

Gojo Satoru had never known romantic love, let alone had a crush on anyone. So maybe it was just normal for friends to hold each other when one is tired or in need of comfort.

He loves to play with your hand when both of you are alone, while he babbles about something random and outright weird just so he could ignore how you make him feel. He tries to ignore the blush creeping up on his face when you listen to him intently, like every word that he utters matters, no matter how ridiculous it was. His feet always drag him to you because after a long day, all he needs is cuddles from you— oh, and your soothing voice too.  

So really, what is this weight on his chest when Shoko announced that you’re going on a date? 

Why is he pouting suddenly, assaulting his food as he stabs it continuously while you are gushing about what to wear or what to say when he knows you just look so beautiful even without trying?

Isn’t he enough?

Satoru buys you stuff, he takes care of you, he knows everything about you. He’s always hanging at your dorm after school, you’re practically like a couple at this poi–

Shit. 

Maybe he does have a crush on you. 

“I don’t know why you’d bother going on a date, Y/N. Guys are basically disgusting.” 

“Says a guy.” You rolled your eyes playfully while going through your closet. 

Satoru’s getting desperate now, why are you so adamant to get on that date? 

Satoru felt a knot of desperation tightening in his chest as he watched you model your top three dresses.  The first dress, adorned with vibrant florals, seemed to scream "first date" with its playful charm. However, you quickly dismissed it as unsuitable for the dinner date you had planned. Next, you slipped into a simple yet elegant black bodycon dress that hugged your curves in all the right places. It was hard to ignore the bitterness he’s feeling— you getting dolled up for a random guy. 

But it was the final dress that truly captured his heart. As you twirled around to show him, the white silk fabric cascading gracefully around you, Satoru found himself momentarily breathless at the sight. Your awkward smile only added to the enchantment of the moment. You look so ethereal. 

"What do you think?" you asked, swaying gently as you admired yourself in the mirror.

"I—" Satoru cleared his throat, his voice suddenly dry as he struggled to find the right words. "I think I like the other one better, the black one," he managed to say, though his heart whispered otherwise.

You somehow listened to his advice and wore the black bodycon dress that he suggested.

You looked nothing short of breathtaking, a literal goddess. 

It was the longest 3 hours of his life, each passing minute feeling like an eternity as he anxiously wait for your return. Despite his best effort to distract himself by distracting Suguru, his thoughts kept returninhg to you— wondering if you’re having the time of your life with your date. 

A small part of him wishes that the date didn’t go well and you’ll just spent the rest of the evening eating sweets with him all the while casting funny remarks on your date but he wasn’t prepared when you came home with mascara running down your face, your lips curved into a pout, and your eyes puffy and red from crying. 

Without a word, Satoru stood up to engulf you in his arms, furrowing his eyebrows as you collapsed into him.  “What happened, Y/N?” 

He held you close, a surge of protectiveness flooding his senses as if an attempt to shield you from the world.

“He’s a misogynist, Satoru!” You cried, your voice cracking. “So full of himself! I thought he was kind and sweet but then he just started babbling about his clan and how good of a potential husband he is. As if I want to marry him!” 

“Who was he anyway?”  He gently wiped away your tears. 

“Naoya Zenin” You sniffled, playing with the hem of his shirt. “I’m sorry I’m staining your shirt.” 

“No, no.” He whispered, brushing away the strands of your hair on your face. 

He took a mental note to research on the guy that made you cry later on. He realizes that the sight that he despises the most is the sight of you crying. He never wants to see you like this, ever. 

“You said you like the beach right?” Satoru spoke out of the blue, his hand tracing circles on your arm. “Why don’t we go to one?” 

-.-

And that’s how Satoru managed to spend all of his monthly allowance in a week. He booked a flight for the 6 of you (of course he wouldn’t want you to get the wrong idea, he insisted it’s a vacation for the six of you— him, you, Suguru, Shoko, and even Utahime and Mei Mei because apparently you’re good friends with them too) 

So now here he is, about 200, 000 yen poorer. (help i don’t know if this is accurate) He wanted what’s best for you, so of course he’d spend a lot for you.  It was all worth it though, when he sees you in a baby blue bathing suit that he helped you pick out. No it was definitely not because it’s similar to the color of his eyes. Blue just suits you well. (Hence, he’s also suitable for you) 

“Satoru, you're going to catch flies if your mouth keeps hanging like that. Hey, are you also drooling?” Suguru pokes Satoru, who quickly straightens up when you look his way.

You gave him a sheepish smile, and he didn’t know what the fuck you’re doing to him because he feels a hard on coming his way.  Shoko notices Satoru’s flushed expression but she just continues to smoke, clearly enjoying the show. 

Eventually, everyone agrees to swim in the beach and try on the jet skis that Satoru had rented. What he didn’t know though, was the fact that you’re afraid of the ocean.

You were just hugging yourself while the waves crashed against your feet. The sight looks so cute but he wants you to enjoy it, so he uses his tactics to get you to join the group.

Unfortunately for him, you’re so stubborn to stay on the shore. 

“I don’t want to go, Satoru! It’s not funny! I might get eaten alive by megalodon sharks or something.” 

“C’mon! I’m really tall, I can protect you! Jesus, here—”  His hand intertwined with yours, causing you to blush profusely. “Just hold my hand, okay?  Hell, hold onto me if you like. I can carry you!”

“Your hands are uhm, really warm.” You commented, your voice tinged with embrassment. 

“Oh yeah?” He smirks at you, his gaze locking with yours. “You want me to warm you up?” 

“I’m gonna kill you.”  You deadpanned. 

Despite your protests, you ended up trusting him to pull you in the deeper part of the ocean. He even managed to get you to ride the jetski with him, the grip you had on his waist nearly suffocating him.

Satoru didn’t want to focus on the closeness between you two— your body pressed up against his back. If he does, he might lose control and drop the both of you into the ocean. 

Meanwhile, the rest of the group is observing the two of you while sipping on their Margaritas.

“God, these two.” Mei Mei muttered as she rolls her eyes. “Best slow burn romance I’ve ever seen for free.”

If anyone would glance at you and Satoru, they would immediately think you’re dating, but you’re not and it’s frustrating to anyone within your radius. 

Besides her, Shoko chimed in, her voice laced with amusement.   “It’s so painfully obvious that they like each other. They were comparing hand sizes earlier for god’s sake.” 

“Yeah, they should just fuck already.” 

-.-

“Okay, so you kiss the person the bottle’s pointing at.” Utahime explained excitedly, albeit a bit drunk.

Everyone’s gathering around the crackling bonfire bonfire, the warm glow casting dancing shadows across the sand.  It was now nearing midnight and you decided to play a game to end the night, which is spin the bottle. You spent all afternoon swimming and riding the jet skis Satoru rented. 

Satoru felt a bead of sweat form on his brow as the bottle nearly lands you and Suguru.

He wanted your first kiss to be with him, as selfish as that sounds. He internally cursed Shoko for suggesting this game. 

It landed on Shoko and Utahime, then Shoko and Suguru, then Mei Mei and Utahime. 

His nervousness escalated as the game continues. Satoru was busy praying that the bottle wouldn’t land on you and anyone that he failed to notice when the bottle finally came to a stop, pointing directly at you and him. 

“Ooooh” Utahime teased you, playfully poking your arm. “It’s you and Gojo!” 

You laughed nervously, shooting a helpless glance in Satoru’s direction. He wanted to protest but his curiosity outweighed his embarrassment. 

He wanted to know how it feels like to kiss you. 

Besides, it’s just a kiss, right? 

Satoru was stunned when you hurriedly pecked him on the lips before you retreated back to your seat. His mind raced as he tries to process the fleeting touch.

He just kissed you. 

He couldn’t believe it when you looked back at him with a subtle smile playing in your lips.  

The rest of the night was a blur for him, not because he was drunk. Satoru’s a lightweight and you know that fact, that’s why you were drinking for him.

While everyone else is playing games and talking about anything, his mind is still stuck on the fact that you kissed him

You’re his first kiss.

And he's yours too,

The gods had answered his prayers.  But that was barely a kiss in the first place, do you even want it or were you just pressured to do it?

The thought stings. So he took a couple of sips from Suguru’s beer bottle until he was tipsy enough to not think about your lips on his. Yet, with each glance in your direction, the memory of your lips on his persisted. 

-.- 

Satoru helped you go to your room, even if he’s a bit drunk himself.  Both of you were stumbling on the way to your room, but he thankfully he managed to settle you down on the bed as gently as he could. His attempt to withdraw was no use as you pulled him down with you, your grip firm yet gentle as you clutched his hand in your sleep. 

Satoru admired your sleeping state, your hair sprawled out messily on the bed and you’re gripping his hand.

Your mouth slightly open as you slept, emitting soft rhythmic breaths but then you started mumbling something—it first it was incoherent until you mumbled in a slur,  “I think you’re cute.” 

“Huh?” Satoru questioned, even though he heard you clearly. He just want to hear it again from you. 

“I said I think you look like a sack of shit. Fuck you.”  You clarified, your words still slightly intelligible and laced with frustration and humor. 

“Uh-huh.” He replied, feigning ignorance, his heart fluttering at your words. A soft smile tugged at the corners of his lips. Satoru brushed a few stray strands of hair away from your face, his fingers lingering momentarily against your skin. 

“You know,” You started, your words slurring as you looked at him with half-lidded eyes. “You’re my first kiss. It was really good even if it just lasted a second. Thank you for today, toru.” 

He laughed at your intoxicated state. You just look so adorable when you’re relaxed like this, the way your features softened and your laughter bubble up freely without a care in the world.

His gaze drifted to your lips, they seemed to beckon him to give in.  He definitely wants to kiss you now. 

Satoru’s heart raced as he struggled to fight the urge to lean in, knowing that it was a dangerous game to play. You decided to take matters in your own hands, shifting closer to him, your face close enough that he could feel you breathe against him. 

“Please, ‘Toru.” You whispered, your lips barely touching. “Please kiss me again.” 

Who was he to deny you that? To deny you? 

When Satoru kissed you for the second time, he took his time to savor it. His hand reaches out to cup your cheek and brushes his lips against yours. 

Your lips are warm and soft, he wanted to kiss it for eternity. Literally. He feels like in cloud nine as he kisses you deeper, slipping his tongue inside as you parted your lips, earning a soft moan from you.

Satoru weight settled against you, your bodies pressed together, breathing heavily as he connected his lips against yours once more. 

You taste better than any candy he has ever tasted. He might just get addicted, drunk even. 

“We shouldn’t—” He sighs into your mouth. You whimpered when he pulled away, your sweet voice going straight through his dick. “I don’t want to do this like this.” 

“What” a kiss. “Do” followed by another, “You,” then another “Mean?” then another.

You were peppering kisses all over his face all the while carding your hand through his hair, tugging it a bit to earn a reaction from him. He almost lost it when you squeezed him through his boxers. 

Satoru managed to pull away which he clearly struggled on doing when you pout at him, lips swollen and covered with saliva and you’re looking at him with those damned doe eyes. 

He pecks your lips, both of your cheeks, and he places a final kiss on your forehead, afraid that if he does more, he won’t be able to contain himself.

Satoru wants his first time with you to be special, one that’s not hazy and easy to forget. He doesn’t want it to be a mistake, like what he knows the both of you would agree upon if you talked about it in the morning.

He wanted you to remember, have it engraved in your mind and body for weeks. Satoru wants you to want him as much as he wants you, and he can’t have that in a drunken mistake. 

As you both drifted together in your sleep, he held you close, his arms wrapping snugly around your waist. It was the best sleep he had in ages. 

-.-

Satoru’s fear came true when you pretended like nothing happened the next morning. When he awoke, it feels like last night never happened. Your side of the bed is fixed and the only proof that you were ver there was the ache he felt on his arm, where you were laying.  Sure, he was disappointed but he’s contented with anything you give him. As long as he has you by his side. 

The kiss never left his mind, though.

Not even when you reached third year and you drifted apart from him little by little. His feelings for you remains the same. 

When Satoru is paired up again with you for a mission in the second half of your third year, you seem different from the Y/N he remembers. Particularly because you act like the exact person that he met in your first year.

Only, you look dull.

There are heavy circles under your eyes, your lips are chapped, and you look like you’re barely holding it together. Not to mention the only words that you utter to him are only about the mission. 

He got too busy honing his skills with Suguru, but he would make time for you if only you asked. But it’s like you were gone, everytime he tried to look for you, you were nowhere to be found. It’s like he barely knows you anymore.

You started to ignore him at the beginning of the school year. He noticed that you dyed your hair back to its natural color and whenever he goes.

You became a ghost in a way, and he’s left with the pieces of you that you once had shared with him. Satoru desperately wants to reach you but how can he when you’re always away? He doesn’t see you in your meeting spot anymore, you’re not in your dorm, no one gets close to you. The only time he sees you is during meetings with the higher ups and your clan. 

There’s an ache in his heart that only you can heal. 

So before you can run away from him again, he followed your footsteps until you reached the 7/11 store across the street. So here you are scanning along the shelves of the store, even though he knows you already know what you’re going to buy.  You still haven’t noticed him, which is confusing on his part. You must’ve been so tired. 

Ah, an energy drink and a box of cigarettes. 

Well, maybe you’ve started avoiding him too because of that. You know he’s going to get worried. 

Satoru taps your shoulder, making you yelp. You were about to shout at him but your expression softened when you saw him. “Oh, it’s just you.” 

It’s the first time in months where he actually saw you up close. He misses you so much it actually makes him dizzy.  Satoru stares at you for a few minutes before you poked him. 

“Hello? Earth to Satoru?”

He hasn’t heard you say his name too in a while. It felt like a breath of fresh air 

“You dyed your hair back to its natural color.” He pointed out. 

You hummed in response before going to the drink section once more. He observes you skimming the shelves even though he knows what you’re going to buy.

You’re just passing the time because you’re too anxious to talk to him but you aren’t really good at small talks.   

So he does that for you.

As you mechanically scanned the shelves, your eyes not really registering the array of products before you, Satoru noticed the evident anxiety in your every move. Wanting to bridge the gap between you two, he seized the opportunity to make you smile. 

“ah yes, there’s some items on sale here.” He declared, rubbing his chin with his pointer and thumb comically. 

Your quizzical expression met his as you questioned, “I don’t see any.” 

Undeterred, Satoru held up a familiar item – your favorite coffee – and flashed a grin "Here," he insisted, pointing at the non-existent 'sale' label.

You raised an eyebrow at him. "It's on sale. Look. It says, 'buy one take me.'" He gestured to the imaginary tag with a theatrical flair, his infectious grin inviting you to roll your eyes at him. 

Finally, you gave him a smile and you threw your head back because you’re laughing so hard. “You’re ridiculous, Gojo Satoru.” 

Satoru's heart skipped a beat at the sight of your smile, a warmth spreading through him at the sight of your genuine laughter. He likes seeing you smile. He’d do anything to see you smile. Even if it’s making a fool out of himself.

You grabbed his favorite drink and 2 onigiris then you dropped your energy drink. You walked towards the counter with him following closely behind.

After you’ve paid for the food, you led him wordlessly to the back of the convenience store towards the small parking lot and you sat on the ground. 

“Besides, I can’t take you.”  You broke the silence, handing him his coca-cola with a tremulous smile. 

“What do you mean? You’ve already taken me for granted.”  Satoru attempts to joke, but his playful expression dropped when you gave him a sad smile. 

“I’m getting married next year after graduation.” 

Satoru suddenly felt as if the ground had dropped from beneath him. The news struck him like a blow to the chest, leaving him breathless. He chewed on his lip as he took in your confession.

So that’s why you’ve been busy.

That’s why the higher ups paid no mind to all of his minor mishaps. His heart and mind raced, why so soon? Are you really going to let them take away your right to decide who you’ll marry? 

“To who?”  He said quietly, fidgeting with the lid of his soda. 

“Naoya Zenin.” 

A wave of disbelief washed over Satoru’s face. He had only met the guy once but he knows that Zenin is an absolute prick, not to mention a misogynist and a weakling. He even made you cry on a date. But he tried to relax his jaw and stay composed for you. “Do you want to marry him?”

“No.” Your answer was swift, the word laden with a weight he could feel in his bones. 

“Then don’t.” Satoru says firmly. Both of you fell silent for a while, you being defeated with the destiny your clan have paved for you.  

Could he really let you go just like that? To a Zenin asshat nonetheless?

He had always imagined that the two of you would eventually end up together, you have all the time in the world after all. So why does it feel like you’re already slipping out of his arms?  He’s not even sure if you like him, despite what Suguru and Ieri keep telling him. 

His train of thoughts were interrupted when you leaned your head on his shoulder. His arm instinctively finds its way around you, as if shielding you from your clan, from the world.  “I wish it were that simple. Nearly everything I do for my family is never what I want. I simply can’t not do it, Satoru. I need it to keep my clan powerful and relevant. I’m the only daughter of my parents. I have to do my best to make them proud.” 

“Well…” He stammers a little bit when your hand finds a way to play with his hair.  “what about what you want?” 

“Satoru, you know my freedom is limited." You laughed bitterly. “I’m still Y/L/N’s golden child and my clan’s on the brink of exclusion at this point. We’re irrelevant now and I’m not getting any stronger or richer. My family wants to take their place in the Jujutsu World. This is something I can’t escape from anymore even if I’d rather die than to be married to someone like him.” 

“Why Naoya Zenin though?” He’s getting frustrated at this point. Why were you not fighting back? Satoru couldn’t accept that, you relinquishing your freedom for the sake of others. You have already done so much. 

“He’s from a well-off clan and he’s strong.” you replied, a note of bitterness tainting your words. “My dad’s also biased with the Zenin clan so… I’m all set.” 

Well, he’s a Gojo and he is the strongest.  He is the inheritor of the six eyes anyway. Who is Naoya Zenin compared to him?  

“Well then, can you marry someone else that’s also strong?”

You scoffed, your hand leaving his hair before you prompt to fully lean your entire weight on Satoru’s side. “Yeah, but I don’t have much of a choice in the matter. Who else would I mar-” 

It’s now or never. 

“Me.”  Satoru blurted out. 

“What?” 

“Me. you should just marry me instead.” 

Wanna read more?

[chubs-deuce]

Hi! First of all I wanted to say I love your art so much thank you for sharing your work with us!

If I may ask, how do you come up with the poses in your art? Do you use refs or just sketch them from imagination? Any tips you could share about it?

Figuring out poses is the hardest part of art for me and I am just in awe of how dynamic and great the poses are in your work!

Thank you again and I hope you have a great day!!

oh boy am I ever happy to talk about this!! :D

first of all thank you so much!! <3 I'm genuinely so happy to hear that aaaa-

So-

In regards to coming up with ideas? I oftentimes just kind of fuck around and find out - a lot of times I just get a momentary brain-spark that gives me a glimpse of an idea if that makes sense? It's mostly just the general vibe, a specific feeling, a facial expression, a rough silhouette and if it intrigues me enough I will try to pursue the idea in-depth!

I normally do try to do the poses by hand myself, but sometimes the image in my head isn't detailed enough and I get hung up on where to place the hands or legs or for some reason or another I just can't get the torso and head to sit right... so I get a little help!

More specifically I use a program to make pose references! :D

It's called DesignDoll and it's free on windows (tho you can't save without the pro service which is meh but it offers perfectly succinct functions as is already so I never bothered with the paid version)! It can be a bit finnicky to control sometimes (the elbows and knees love twisting into random angles whenever hands/feet are moved) but it's really really versatile once you know what you're doing! Ngl making raking references in it can take me up to an hour at times but it's really fun too so it's never been a bother for me haha

Some recent examples:

What actually helps me the most with this process tho is the fact that I can make these poses and choose the angles and everything myself! I find that the process of making the refs actually really helps me refine the concept in my head - a lot better than I would be able to in a drawing anyway! Plus I'm very lazy so I hate redrawing things overly often haha

You can probably see it the best in the first drawing and the karaoke one - I didn't use the references 1:1, I still do change things spontaneously if I find it works better for my drawing that way - so I don't really use it for the proportions so much as just visualizing my idea with more precision that I can then adapt properly into the artwork :D

I highly recommend doing something similar if you often find yourself with only fragments of a pose or no clear idea for one!!! DesignDoll isn't the only program of this kind either so it's worth looking into other alternatives too if you don't have a windows system to run this one on!

(just please do not use generative AI for art references! Always remember that there is no such thing as ethical generative AI! ;w;)

[chainera]

My Thoughts on Vercury + Doodles

To be honest, my relationship with this pairing is literally a love-hate one.

When I first heard about it, I’m not going to lie, I was super turned off. This was during SolarBall’s early episodes, where Mercury was shown constantly being bullied by Venus and I could not imagine being paired with my bully if I was in a similar situation. There was no chemistry between them, and even if there was, it wouldn’t be healthy. Especially during the whole Venus’ name arc, where Mercury constantly mocked him and got an asteroid to the face. Personally, the ship made no sense to me and sounded downright toxic. But of course, the more recent episodes came out. The atmosphere (even though there’s no atmosphere in space lol) between Mercury and Venus seemed… more neutral than hostile or tense. This is mostly because Mercury started to stand up for himself. Two scenes of note is the moment where Mercury laughed at Venus’ comment during the Rocky Planets episode and when Mercury snapped at Venus during the ‘Solar System by Size’ arc. What’s interesting is that after Mercury yells at him, Venus looked regretful, which was definitely new. Mercury didn’t shout at him about the consequences of him siding with the Sun or anything like that either, he simply said that he was fine with Venus hating him ‘for the sake of everyone else’. After that, Venus didn’t immediately change his mind but did try to explain his side of things, which was also new. As of right now I still don’t see anything happening between them, but I definitely do see the appeal in the ship and the potential for it to eventually happen.

From a settings standpoint- the potential is obvious. We don’t know what happened to cause Venus to pick on Mercury so much, we don’t know what their past was like, and with the answers to those questions revealed, Mercury and Venus might reconcile. Venus clearly has a lot of problems with his conditions as being called ‘a literal hell’ by the Earthlings, and Mercury also has his own insecurities and issues with the Sun. Mercury is already learning how to deal with these things, but Venus hasn’t quite figured it out yet. I’m quite interested on how Venus will be developed and how Mercury will play a role in this. I don’t think Venus downright despises Mercury, and vice versa, but they do have a ton of shit to sort out which may lead to a hopefully happy ending. Now, from a character standpoint there’s also a ton of potential. Venus and Mercury are kind of opposites, and yknow the saying… opposites attract. It would be really sweet if Mercury could calm Venus down when he was getting too ticked off, and Venus could treat Mercury nicely in his own way. Their personalities contrast really well. I didn’t like Vercury before because I felt if it actually happened Mercury would just allow Venus to treat him like crap, but now I feel like Mercury would know how to set proper boundaries and they would be equals. In a healthy relationship, there shouldn’t be a power imbalance, so with Mercury’s character development and Venus’ potential to change and be kinder (though not necessarily gentler) power imbalance shouldn’t be a problem. Another aspect is the fact that Venus and Mercury are both quite lonely. Earth and Mars are extremely close friends (or more haha), and while Mercury does have the Sun, he’s kind of forced to walk on eggshells in that relationship. They’re also neighbor planets, so there’s that. In all, I definitely agree with the concept of Vercury, but if it should happen, it should be after Venus and Mercury at least began to try and sort everything out. Here’s some (a bit spicy) doodles as a reward for listening to my rant again :D

As always, I’m open to other people’s opinions- especially on a topic as complex as this one. I just ask that you be respectful. Thank you.

[astridthevalkyrie]

Tbh my slight with Eloise is mostly that yeah not wanting to get married is understandable and I can see how it’s incredibly boring and isolating being the only one in the ton that feels that way so openly. But I just think that Eloise is privileged because she doesn’t have to get married, but the others livelihood solely depend on getting married. I’m definitely not debating I’m just curious because where I see Eloise hate, it’s mainly pointing out how she makes quips about others who don’t have the ability to voice their distaste for marriage. And also the fact that she wasn’t a great friend in the first place to Penelope, as she could never listen to her for more than 2 seconds. Which is why she never noticed pen was LW in the first place. I hope this doesn’t come off as picking a fight or anything like that haha I just really like these discussions and I’m curious to see your view on that.

hey! this isn't coming off picking a fight at all, thank you for the thoughts!

long analysis about bridgerton and specifically eloise below, please note i have rewatched it recently but i haven't watched it an insane amount of times or anything so if i say something that's not true, kindly let me know.

so i agree with you for the most part. eloise is privileged. she's richer than most and she can afford to become a spinster while everyone else can't. i would like to point out that it's not like she'll live easily and comfortably if she does that. as kate tells her, she won't have a good time. she's going to be outcast. she's going to be looked down on. she's going to risk shaming her younger sisters. she will not be homeless, but she will not be loved. eloise says in season 2 that reading LW is a reminder of how trapped she is, which means she doesn't actually see becoming a spinster a viable option. as far as she's concerned, she's going to get married whether she likes it or not.

in season 1, most of her slights are with daphne, who's in the same family as her, and yes, while being the eldest daughter does come with a hefty burden, daphne is not more or less privileged financially. she wants love and marriage, she's not getting married to survive. both their viewpoints are understandable, i think. eloise finds daphne's pursuits fruitless and daphne is frustrated with eloise for not seeing things from her point of view. the problem i have with that, though, is:

who ever sees things from eloise's point of view? why is she expected to work to understand her older sister when daphne can't do the same for her? daphne has understanding from her mother and every other woman who's out in society. eloise has penelope and that's it. her family snarks at her whenever she voices her opinions. her mother actively tries to change her. eloise thanks daphne for being perfect, eloise concedes in their argument and asks her to name her song, and eloise sits with her on the couch so that daphne doesn't have to sit with berbrooke (or at least tries to before violet makes her go). the only other person besides penelope who's there for eloise is maybe benedict, and he often only talks to her when he's going through something already. when all of society disagrees with you and says you should just shut up and conform, you're not exactly going to be eager to be empathetic and listen.

now, aside from her family and penelope, eloise barely interacts with other people, especially the other debutantes. so while she rants about her viewpoints, she's normally not doing it to working class women or women who will end up on the streets if they don't marry. and when she does rant, yes, there's sometimes rude statements about how other women only care about marriage or feminine things which can come off as patronizing (and she definitely has a superiority complex no doubt), but for the most part, eloise talks about how the system is unfair. she's not wholly disparaging women for wanting to marry to survive, she's disparaging society for having a system that requires them to do so. eloise is also the only character so far who's shown to actively try and learn more about the working class. of course she's not an intersectional feminist yet, she's barely had the resources to become a basic feminist. but she was willing to learn. she wanted to speak to theo more, to read more radical books.

and honestly, for eloise (with my own bias because i know what it feels like to feel like your accomplishments amount to nothing because marriage is somehow more important), i don't think it's just boring or isolating. it genuinely seems to make her panic. it seems like it makes her ill, the thought of conforming. her bit when she tells violet that she's not rebelling for attention, and that she knows she's a disappointment....that poor girl. and like i said, i've had that anxiety. i've had that terrifying moment where i'm like. holy shit. what if i wake up and i've lived half my life and i'm not me because all i am is someone else's. jesus christ that fear can do things to you.

which is what makes her transformation this season so depressing. she's given in. she's playing the part because she's tired of fighting. even though the thought of being submissive and docile and silent and married is still obviously paralyzing for her. and so far i actually don't think it's poor writing, or out of character, but i do think that they might just be toning her down now so that it doesn't seem too ooc when she settles with phillip or someone else. that, i think, will be character assasination. unless she ends up with theo (or penelope or cressida or marina 🙏🏽), her love match with some type of feminist tamer character will be really heartbreaking to watch and i sincerely hope they don't go down that route.

anyway, she's also apparently the only character who's not allowed to have problems because of her privilege. anthony in the beginning of season 2 pissed me off so much. even simon in the first season at times. oh these women can't string together a thought! oh they're so desperate! oh their mamas are so stupid and annoying for *checks notes* wanting them to marry well and live happily! it's so heartless. it's so cruel. mister capital r rake does not care for any of his annoying sister's feminist ramblings, but he himself would like an educated, motherly, soft, clever, beautiful woman. kate absolutely clocked him when she asked how he was sure such a perfect woman would want him. but the fandom doesn't completely pile on anthony for his stupid ass takes. if they get on him for anything, it's for how he handles the sharma sisters (which is completely valid, just not the only dumb shit he's done). but he's sad about his dad dying so it's okay! benedict wants to paint sooooooo bad 🥺 and colin........must discover himself for the third time in a row. these men treat their own problems so seriously and the fandom doesn't give them half the shit for it that eloise gets for talking about a very real problem that terrifies her and affects her life deeply.

i've watched s3 only once, so i don't remember every interaction she has with cressida. but as far as i do remember, she tries to help cressida with debling. she tells her that she can stay away if that's what her father wants. i also don't think she knows that cressida's facing financial abuse, because even cressida doesn't know that until her mom tells her. eloise should probably have a hint that cressida isn't in the mood for making jokes, yeah. she should work on that. i can forgive her because frankly i'm seeing that she's barely interacted with other debutantes before this and is socially awkward. not everyone can forgive her for that, that's cool. i just think fandoms (especially tiktok fandoms, ugh) have this way of seeing a female character, and especially a female character that comes off as feminist or annoying, and will absolutely refuse to understand her at all. think any female character tiktok hates. ginny from ginny and georgia. mary from young sheldon. hell, even marina. these characters are flawed. eloise is flawed. but while other characters can be understood or even excused, being an annoying woman is the absolute worst thing to be. a crime. you deserve no kind of deeper understanding at all.

now, onto her friendship with pen.

i've felt like penelope in so many of my friendships. actually, i don't think i can think of any friendship i've had where i didn't feel like i was playing supporting role to the main character. so i'll absolutely agree, eloise could stand to be a better friend to penelope. she talks over her and ignores her sometimes, she doesn't seem to truly know penelope at all, and she tends to talk about herself far more than she asks about pen.

but i truly, truly don't think any of it is malicious. eloise wants to find LW originally because she wants to get justice for the featheringtons. she embraces pen immediately when she comes crying even though they were in a fight. she compliments pen on being such a good friend twice in season 2. also in season 2, eloise loudly tells cressida she would rather die than join her instead of pen. eloise is not some popular girl who uses pen to make herself look better. eloise thinks the world of her.

and eloise! is! keeping! her! secret! i feel like not enough people are understanding how absolutely insane that is. she's so ridiculously mature about it. she doesn't tell anyone. she endures the fallout of the (false) things penelope wrote about her. penelope writes and attacks el's brother and yet she doesn't say anything. she doesn't even go to her and tell pen to stop writing about her family! she feels bad that she accidentally let slip what colin and pen were doing. she apologizes for it. she feels upset that pen had to write about herself which is far more understanding than most would show in that situation (awww, you "had" to write about yourself in the gossip sheet where you regularly insult other people, woe is you). she stops cressida from bullying pen.

whereas in the very very first episode, lady whistledown's first article talks about how she doesn't like that the bridgertons are named alphabetically. does she help daphne by publishing the stuff about berbrooke? sure, after violet spreads the gossip, but more importantly, after she calls daphne ineligible for marriage which made berbooke her only viable option in the first place before simon stepped in. what has daphne done to her? nothing at all. also, this isn't just printing out gossip that everyone else is saying anyway (which still wouldn't be okay btw). this was penelope making a statement that was LW's personal opinion, which already carried a lot of weight. this was penelope nearly sabotaging daphne's chances of marriage.

and all of this isn't meant to be anti penelope. i understand her and why she does what she does (i do, however, think marina and eloise both clocked her, she is immature and she does write as LW because she's too nervous to be herself and is jilted by society). my overall point is that while eloise thinks the world of penelope, penelope harbors a bitterness towards el and her family. it's not an unnatural bitterness, mind you! you have a friend who goes on and on and doesn't ask you about you and her family is oh so perfect while your family is the laughing stock of the ton and her mother is so loving and your mother is anything but. anyone would be bitter. i think pen loves eloise too. she changes what she writes in LW to please her. she clearly cares that eloise approves of what she writes. she misses her and feels guilty about their fight. but pen isn't honest with eloise. pen isn't trying to discreetly reveal she's LW, or that she has a crush on colin. the only person to know before s3 is marina. eloise isn't a bad friend for not picking up on things that penelope is actively hiding. penelope also lets herself fall into the role of sidekick, she doesn't try to insert herself more into the conversation.

i might be forgetting a scene, but i think pen talks the most during the episode where they run off and lay in the field of flowers together (closet's invisible btw) and eloise listens to her and then says "you don't have to pretend anymore, you like this, pen" with the softest most adoring smile on her face while pen giggles. i promise i'm not trying to write peneloise fanfiction that's just how the scene goes. when penelope truly wants to talk, el does listen.

but that's where i'd give eloise the least grace, because i truly do think she could stand to listen more and listen better and ask about pen from time to time instead of just jumping in to what she wants to talk about. she shouldn't be surprised when pen wants to get married because pen said she did in s1 (my only in canon explanation of that could be that eloise simply thought she was speaking in anger and wasn't serious). i also don't know for sure, but i heard in the books they agreed to be spinsters together. that's not in the show, so it's not canon, but eloise certainly seems to think her and pen are on the same page.

i think there will be a mutual apology. i think that's fine. they both have stuff to apologize for and i won't get into penelope's character right now. if they continue to keep her quiet and docile and she ends up settling for a man who teaches her yadda yadda you can have feminism and love, i'm gonna sink into my chair. eloise bridgerton you deserve better 2k24.

[oursystemblog]

is wishing you could be a system a symptom of being one? i was reading your blog yesterday and i got very very sad, and other system content will often make me sad because i relate to feeling like, in system terms, an original personality/memory holder who is too sad and traumatized to function and doesnt want to front, only its like i always have to be me no matter how much i hate me, and hate existing. so as a result i just dont function really. i relate to stuff you said about shutting down when in too much distress, like going emotionally numb, and i also dissociate a lot. but even when my mind is on something else and im acting different, its not really like switching to a different mode of awareness. i think it might be better if it was. i wish i was an alter so i could go dormant forever. im scared that its too late to completely rehaul how i conceptualize... living, thinking, being, etc... im scared i have to be me forever. im not sure this is a normal or appropriate way to feel... and im sorry for asking something so emotionally loaded too. i dont even know what im asking really... i guess just, if you have any advice, and if you ever felt this way before you realized you were a system, and how you realized. thanks if you answer. sorry

Hi, i wanted to try and write a helpful response however it ended up being Way Longer than i expected to say anything substantial so it's under the cut

I can't really give a 100% certain answer to your question—Symptoms like emotional shutdown and dissociation in response to stress/trauma are also possible without necessarily being a system, ultimately I can't say whether or not you are one (it took me a while to even say whether or not I was one haha). I personally didn't have the experience of wishing i could be a system before i figured it out, but I think I've heard from some other systems that they did experience that; I suppose it's different for everyone.

i'd try to give a more helpful response about how i realized i was a system but i actually don't remember very much about it—I guess I was always aware that I had an "other state" of myself with Very distinctly different mannerisms from my own who was pretty consistently "triggered out" by specific situations (the other state was also aware of themself like "oh, i'm in This Mode again"), and then eventually i thought "that might not be normal actually" and started researching about dissociative disorders some more

Regardless of whether or not you have alters/are an alter, I don't think going dormant would solve the problem, even though I absolutely understand the feeling. While we were still discovering our system we were in a pretty bad place, and when we discovered our own emotion-holder she was very angry and sad—which scared me initially, and i Kind of Wished that she would disappear or that I could just be A Normal Regular Singular Person. A while later I calmed down and realized it was not productive to wish things like that, so I tried talking to her and telling her that it was okay to feel angry, but that things can be better now than in the past and we are capable of healing—treating her with compassion

I think having a conversation with A Literal Part of Myself that held our anger and sadness was helpful, but I also think it's possible to do something similar even if you're not a system—to treat yourself with compassion too, I guess is what I'm getting at here.

I didn't think it would get better, but it did. I mean it took a while and there were ups and downs , but as long as you're still here it is never to late to learn to live again and to recover

Ultimately, everyone's circumstances are different and maybe what helped me doesn't apply the same way to you, but please try to remember that things can get better. Healing is possible, i wish you the best

[collegetennisoriginstory]

Rayyan to me is a Double Lion. They have a Lion Primary- they listen to their intuition, have a clear sense of right and wrong and their Cause is becoming a professional tennis player. They’re the type of Lion Primary who is adamant about their Cause and as a fellow Lion Primary that’s kind of sexy of them to me. They’re also a Lion Secondary-they are themself and hate to lie, they charge and take things head on.

Tobin on the other hand screams Badger Primary- they care about the community of Cargill and it’s also shown through how they handle Felix. Badger Primaries have a fascinating thing known as “dehumanising” they simply do not view that person as a person anymore (usually when a Badger’s close one hurts them they deal with that by cutting them off, while a Snake Primary wouldn’t struggle with that unless they’re part of their inner circle. Think of it like cutting off a limb and cauterising it to stop the bleeding.) Tobin cares about everyone not just their close ones and that’s shown through their actions. They are a Snake Secondary- adaptive and fluid, improvising when they need to. Their playing style was described as “fluid” and that solidified it for me. 

G seems to be an immature Snake Primary- hedonistic, live in the moment, still trying to find their people, while also being burnt- somehow they are hurt and have burned as a result (they take of themself first and foremost) they however are a Bird Secondary- drawing upon prior knowledge and using their tools in situations.

Sam is a Snake Primary whose Important Person is MC and that melts my heart. They care about MC & Robin and their family. They take to Cargill- not because they’re community but because they’re MC’speople- and have a Badger Secondary of hard work and drawing upon the community for help. Amusingly enough Snake Badger’s are known as the Love Interest sorting which explains why so many people love them.

I hope you liked my theories and sorry for rambling haha😅

OK I don't know if you guys know but I LOVE personality theory in all shapes and forms, so literally when I got this ask I showed it to my gf and she immediately snorted and said I met my soulmate. So, thank you for that.

Long post below.

For folks who are wondering what the hell we're on about, here's a link to the sortinghatchats Tumblr page. Just so we get things out of the way: I absolutely detest J.K. Rowling and her TERF bullshit. Don't Stan for that, and that explains the use of lion/badger/snake/bird.

Anyway, agreed with Rayyan being lion primary—I was struggling with figuring out whether or not they seemed more snake primary or lion primary (because I also do see them protecting their crew to the ends of the earth e.g. their family, their cat, MC if they eventually make their way there...) but I do think that it ultimately makes more sense that they're people who wouldn't sacrifice their ideals/what they think is right.

As for Rayyan being lion secondary, that part is irrefutable. Like what you said:

they charge and take things head on

I think your Tobin typing is spot on, so I won't go into too much there except this:

Tobin cares about everyone not just their close ones and that’s shown through their actions.

and

adaptive and fluid, improvising when they need to. Their playing style was described as “fluid”

are absolutely right. I think Badger-snake combinations really explain Tobin's ability to mov through life with the ease and looseness/ quiet confidence and warmth/kindheartedness that Tobin embodies.

For G, I actually read them more as bird primary than bird secondary, mostly because I think ultimately, G's more concerned with coming up with a framework/system through which they understand the world / life / make decisions, but they're constantly adjusting / adding to that system or framework. Contradictions make them want to tinker and probe, and they're most at ease when things make sense.

I could see bird primary with either snake secondary for G (they wear many different skins) or bird secondary.

For Sam, I think you hit the nail on the head with

Sam is a Snake Primary whose Important Person is MC

and

Badger Secondary of hard work and drawing upon the community for help.

Absolutely adorable. I think that combination might be so popular for love-interests because it's probably the most endearing ride-or-die bestie combination to exist.

[weixuldo]

Allow Me// Ch 2

Vader x F!Reader

A/N: Hiiii! I am back and sorry again for the wait! A friend from out of town was in and I spent the week with her. But from now on, the updates should be more frequent! I also just wanted to say thank you all for the overwhelming support on the last chapter! I truly did not think that It was going to get so much love haha

You must be the unluckiest person in the Galaxy

Warnings: cannon-typicaal violence, weapons, cursing, death, harassment

_________________

You cowered under your bed sheets as you felt the demanding presence of Darth Vader approaching your door. Your heart raced with every whirr of his breath; you knew he could sense your fear.

All he had to do was open the door…

You waited for what seemed like hours for the man on the other side to come bursting in, but to your surprise- he never did, instead he stood dormant at your door for a while until you heard him walk away.

What did he want to do? Intimidate you? If he was going to kill you, why didn’t he do that? 

Thoughts raced through your tired mind as you slowly lowered the covers from your head and tried to calm down.

As much as you tried you couldn’t seem to find sleep for the rest of the night.

Begrudgingly, the morning shift system dinged, notioning for you to go to your station for the day. You pulled yourself out of your bed and put on your uniform, yawning the whole way to your post. 

As much as the events of last night disturbed you, you were too exhausted to be fully comprehensive; so when you bumped into a supply cart coming down the corridor you could barely make out the annoyed shouts of the worker. 

“My apologies” you offered, continuing down the hall as the cart worker shouted some distasteful insults your way.

Once you entered the station your supervisor handed you a holopad and gave you your assignment for the day. You were to check some of the machines on the bridge and then report back to your boss. 

Sadly for you the bridge was on the totally opposite end of the executor, but at least today’s assignment was fairly short; before you knew it you would be able to go back to your quarters and fall asleep.

The promise of sleep motivated you to hurry down to your assigned station for the day, thinking of nothing but fantasies of your soft pillows. In the midst of your daydreams you ran into a trooper who was heading down the intersecting hall. The impact made you fall back onto your ass and you looked up at the trooper with a scowl.

“What are you looking at? You’re the one who ran into me!” he barked before continuing on, but not before cursing you under his breath.

You shook your head and grabbed the holopad that landed beside you.

Fuck.

There was a large crack all the way down the small tablet’s surface, great… another expense that’ll come out of your already small paycheck. This has truly been the best week, what next universe? 

You finally entered the bridge with the sliding of the doors and observed the glossy obsidian color of the bustling room. Officers and troops bustled on the platform and in the pits to the sides of the main bridge.

You made your way to the lower deck of the bridge and set your bag down beside the machine you were to be inspecting. The generals in the stations surrounding you seemed to be pretty lax with their jobs; leaning back in their chairs, talking about the newest blasters on the market rather than actually paying attention to their screens. 

The one closest to you kept tapping his foot against the machine you were trying to inspect which frustrated you immensely. 

“Excuse me, Would You mind moving your chair to the side a little, I need some more room to check up on the unit” You asked, as politely as you could, expecting an “ok”. Instead the man scowled and sat upright in his chair. 

“No, I will not. I need to stay here and do my duties- the duties of a general, mind you. I’m sure your…inspection work… is much less severe, so I think you can wait” the man said with a patronizing tone. 

What in the galaxy has gotten everyone so stiff today? The entitlement of these generals was crazy. You rolled your eyes as you inspected the equipment in front of you; you took the metal plating off and carefully laid out the screws in order to put them back on when you were finished. 

Before you could actually get to the inspection part of your job, you felt something hit the back of your head; it was a piece of garbage.

You shot your head towards the direction of the trash and saw the same general, snickering with some of the others in the row before one offered, “oops, sorry, I missed the trash”. 

How were these idiots, who obviously didn’t give a shit about their job, getting paid more and getting more recognition than you. You may not have been totally invested in the empire’s agenda, but you did care about the quality of your work. 

You took a magnifying utensil to inspect the crossed wires in the back of the unit; that's the problem, the wires were getting tangled with every tap the general dealt to the machine under the desk. 

You reached down into your bag and grabbed some pliers to untangle them, but before you could get started, you saw the screen above you blinking red.

You didn’t really know what exactly you were looking at, but it didn’t look good; it looked like there were a few fighter planes approaching the back side of the executor.

That was definitely not good; you looked at the rude general who was supposed to man the station, he was busy laughing it up with some co-workers on the other end of the deck. 

“Sir” you called, attempting to wave over the rogue general.

Nothing. 

“General!” you shouted a little louder. 

He whipped his head towards you with narrowed eyes until he saw the screen and all the color drained from his face. He ran over to his desk, frantically pressed a few buttons, flipped two red switches, and shouted some commands.

Soon you heard the muffled reverbs of the ship releasing tie-fighters into space. 

The man sat back in his chair and faced forward, he was sweating and you could see his legs trembling next to the unit you were almost done patching up. 

Before you knew it the whole bridge went silent, no more bustling, no more smiling, only silence and anxiety filled the room. What the fuck just happened?

Soon enough the doors of the bridge swished open and your silent questions were answered.

The dark figure of Darth Vader came in with a determined strut; he was not pleased. You lowered your head and finished up tightening the screws to close the machine so you could leave asap. He was the last person you wanted to see today, last night he literally stood outside of your door-probably debating whether to kill you or not.

“Someone in this room has allowed rebel ships to enter our flight deck. Of course we exterminated them, but that does not excuse the uncalculated mistake of someone in this room.”

Vader continued down the top deck; once he halted so did the entourage of troopers behind him. He slowly turned his head and surveyed the room trying to determine who’s blunder allowed rebels to get that close to the ship.

Though you know you did nothing wrong in this situation, your anxiety was through the roof. 

Swiftly, he turned towards your direction-

Fuck.

There is no way in the galaxy-

“Your fear betrays you, General” his mechanical voice stated. 

You exhaled a short breath, you were indeed not a General. But before you could completely relax the man beside you protested. 

“She was the one who failed to alert me, it was not my fault” the General exclaimed standing tall and pointing an accusing finger at you. 

What?! 

Vader already had it out for you, this was just gonna add to the problem. 

He slightly shifted his lenses towards you before turning back to the man.

“I recall the empire bestowed the title of General upon you, not her; am I correct?” Vader questioned in an even tone.

“Y-yes My lord” 

“In that case, You are responsible for your station, not her” 

The worried officer frantically looked around, before pushing past you to make a break for the exit. His forceful push made you tumble down the small steps from the desk areas to the actual floor, as well as your bag. You landed harshly and winced at one of your heavier tools landing on your arm.

Before you could get up, Lord Vader had a trooper blast the general through the chest and his limp body fell backwards beside you. 

“Someone get this garbage off of my bridge” Vader said with a flip of his cape as he headed for the exit. 

You began to lift yourself up from the floor, truly ready just to go back to your room; you didn't get any sleep, kept bumping into people, your holopad cracked, dealt with rude generals, got pushed down some stairs, and just had someone die beside you, just another stellar day in the empire. 

The bustling sound of the troopers halted making you look back up; Lord Vader was looking straight at you. 

“And bring that officer to a meeting room, I need to speak with them”

Just as you began to protest, two troopers secured your arms.

“Better shut your mouth little one” one snapped as the other just laughed.

Great.

_______________________________

The room was cool and dark, a blinking light in the corner of the room indicated that you were being surveilled. Thankfully you were unbound, but didn't dare to wonder about the room- he could enter at any moment.

But why were you here? Was it because of those troopers the other night? Did the sith lord think that you were spreading rumors about having “relations” with him? Was it because people you had bumped into were complaining about your seeming lack of spatial awareness? No, that’s just outlandish…but what if?

To be honest you were too exhausted to think straight, everything was seeming like a possibility, and you had the worst week, so at this point you didn’t really give a  fuck about what would happen to you.

Maybe if he killed you, you would actually find some peace. 

The cool air of the room was making you sleepy, your eyelids felt like weights and you couldn't stop them from closing. 

Whoosh

The sound of the door swooshing open awoke you from your light sleep, how long had it been? How-

Suddenly all traces of sleep shook from your body as you came face to face with the man in the dark mask. 

Sure, you said you wouldn’t mind dying, but now that death was staring you in the face, you felt inclined to plead for your life. 

“M-my Lord, I apologize I was”

“Resting… I see. Perhaps I took too long to make my way here” he said, sliding the door shut behind him. 

“No sir- um.. My Lord” you corrected as you nervously fiddled your fingers. 

“You may calm your anxieties, officer” the man in front of you said as he slowly made his way to the table you were seated at. 

His words didn’t do much to calm you but you did relax your posture a bit. He took a stand in front of you, making you eye level with his control panel.

He was so much larger than you remembered, probably since you were more wary of him since you were in his direct interest as of now.

“Am I to be punished for earlier?” you asked, avoiding eye contact with his lenses. 

“Not at the moment, is there something I should be made aware of?” 

“No, My lord. It’s just that the general who spoke out was not manning his station and I did not want his words to cloud what really happened” 

“I thought nothing of the sort, I know you would not allow for such a careless mistake”

He spoke with such a neutral tone that you couldn’t determine whether he was playing with your mind or if his words were truly sincere. 

“As of late I have observed your work and am pleased by your dedication to the Empire” he said.

“I appreciate your faith in my work, my lord; but may I ask why I was called here?” 

The Sith lord turned towards the camera in the corner of the room and back at you before taking a seat on the opposite side of the table.

“I wanted to thank you for your work on the executor, personally. I have noticed others on board have not treated you the best and yet you still provide quality service”

Your heart began to race even faster, was this a dream? Was Darth Vader himself really praising your work right now? And what baffled you even more is that he noticed how you had been treated throughout your posting on his ship. 

You really didn’t expect Vader to care that much about his employees, but maybe he was a bit softer than everyone thought…(unlikely).

Before you could respond he placed a holopad on the table that showed a nicely constructed grave stone with your mothers name, what was this? Your father couldn’t afford this.

You looked up at the man who filled the room with echoes of his mechanical breathing. 

“I-I don't understand-”

“As I mentioned earlier, I am regretful you were not able to attend your mother’s funeral procession, so I had the empire deliver your father funds for her memorial. It’s the least I could do” he said, clicking the projection off. 

You sat in the metal chair, bewildered; why in the galaxy would Darth Vader give your father money for your mother’s grave?

Your family was a bunch of nobody’s… Nothing attached to your name, but now your mother had a grave of high gentry. It didn't make sense.

As you pondered his motives, the sith lord rose from his seat and proceeded to walk to the side you were on. 

You were shaken from your thoughts when you felt a firm and heavy hand on your shoulder. It was a feeling that should have invoked fear, but instead you felt butterflies. 

Not many people had been nice to you in your life, so were you just being delusional and trying to make it seem that this sith lord really cared about you?

You knew you needed to be more cautious around him, but you couldn’t help but smile up at the dark figure looming behind you. 

“You are stronger than you know, officer, do not let anyone on this ship tell you otherwise” he said before patting you once more and leaving. 

______________________________

The cool sheets of your empire-grade bed felt nice after your warm shower. You settled into bed with a new sense of pride, someone important, no. one of the most important figures in the galaxy, recognized your skill and talent. He recognized your plights and struggles and gave you encouragement for better. 

As you slept your mind seemed to compile every snippet of time that you interacted with Vader into a long dream; not that you minded, but your brain was definitely not helping you suppress your delusions. At this rate you’d be dreaming of a future with the most feared man in the galaxy. 

It was stupid to think that was possible, but after all, it was just a dream,

no harm in that. 

Except for the fact that on the opposite end of the executor, a sleep deprived Vader couldn’t seem to clear his mind enough to meditate.

He was too busy envisioning the face of that beautiful officer he had been encountering more and more frequently. 

This was not a part of the Sith’s agenda, you were a distraction. You needed to be wiped from his mind, but he couldn’t seem to do it. Of course there was an obvious solution; get rid of you- whether it be a transfer or death-

just get rid of you.

But no matter how hard he tried to call for the orders, he couldn’t.

How could he when you had been the only thing that made him feel remotely human again? 

***

A/N: heheh tysm for waiting for this chapter and i hope this story is interesting u guys!!

taglist: @vadersassistant @sxoulohvn @khaleesihavilliard @kashasenpai @darling-murdock @beautifulbearpolice @salvatoresister1 @lune-de-miel-au-paradis @blueninjablade3 @jujuba096 @missmannequin @jellydodger @mirastark @wyvernthekriger @duckyhowls

[perhaps-in-anotherdream]

Hello Anika! I've noticed that another CN otome game "Lovebrush Chronicle" is being localized in English. What are your thoughts on the story, and is there a ML in the game similar to Victor?

I want to hear your thought because I think you have a good eye on judging a story ❤️ Sorry if this ask seems to be out of nowhere!

hello!!! thank you haha~ ಡ⁠ ͜⁠ ಡ yes, the game’s original name is 时空中的绘旅人, also known as For All Time. It’s one of the 4 big CN otoges (the other three: Light and Night, Love and Producer/ MLQC, and Tears of Themis).

idk why they had to change the name smh but then again i can see why too LOL, but if you’re gonna change the character names, change for all of them why change just two?? especially since Emerald’s name is explained precisely so aksjsjs i’m so salty rn lmao

uh about the storyline, i had to try hard to not be lured into yet another game lmao (eyeing L&N akshdhd), so i haven’t actually played the game personally after CBT LOL nor do i keep up with its contents that much, so my knowledge regarding the story and the characters isn’t deep and is limited haha. also, since the premise begins in the AU world + with some other factors, i kinda lost my interest to even begin with LOL.

here’s a brief introduction for you though—

the game’s setting is the AU world ahah, and it also has personal routes. it has battle systems for leveling up your profile / raising cards. i heard it can be pretty grindy, but since i haven’t continued playing it, i can’t comment on that :>

✦ The Heroine:

she is an art student / comic artist in the modern world, but one day she gets sucked into a different AU world while watching her friend’s performance. (she’s so pretty tho u.u)

✦ Ai Yin/ Ayn:

19 years old, goes to the same school as the heroine and a pianist in the modern world. He’s a prince in the AU world, focused on his revenge.

✦ Lu Chen/ Alkaid:

20 years old, a transfer student, the heroine’s senior in a different study (Astronomy), photographer. In the AU world, he’s a mage/ high level priest.

✦ Lu Xia/ Rorschach (re-named as Lars for EN):

27 years old, the heir of a wealthy family, CEO, flirty af. In the AU world, he’s an aggressive and headstrong king.

(if you’re into the “CEO trope”, he could be your pick LOL. but if you’re looking for similarities that actually matter— then aside from just the CEO title and maybe that body lmfao, Victor and him share no other similarities hahaha)

✦ Si Lan/ Clarence:

22 years old, goes to the same school as the heroine and is the student president. He is the head highest priest/ mage in the AU world.

✦ Ye Xuan/ Emerald (re-named as Cael for EN):

An art instructor, took the heroine under his wings, gentle in nature sus lmao. In the AU world, he is the silver knight and leading the revolution.

—

Over all, from what I’ve seen, the story is pretty good, has the intrigue elements for sure. Also plus point, in every AU/ arch you get a common part and then you can choose your love interest to progress for the rest of the story. what it does here is that unlike Lovepro/MLQC + Light and Night main story, where the story itself is very character-driven, you need to shut your brain and consider the MC that specific love interest’s heroine for the allocated segment- or else given the extreme lengths she goes for them/ the said borderline intimacy certainly don’t cut for “just friends” tag LOL. So, if you’re someone who self-inserts (consciously or not) and perhaps is a little uncomfortable with that kind of storytelling, For All Time/ Lovebrush Chronicles is certainly one you can give a try.

For me personally, the writing pattern didn’t seem like my cup of tea + I prefer the storytelling pattern of Lovepro and L&N (singular main story + parallel dates) haha. But hey, we all have different tastes, so be sure to give it a chance if you’re interested. Who knows, you could end up with completely different viewpoints than me! (⁠*⁠´⁠∀⁠｀⁠*⁠)

—

[groenendaelfic]

do you think wille will/should abdícate in the future or do you think he’ll become king one day?

The way this is worded I am 99.9 percent sure this is one of my friends trolling me, but I'll bite anyway even if it is, so strap in, because I have many messy, convoluted THOUGHTS. (in case it isn't sorry for presuming Anon and thanks for your question and being curious about my opinion)

The reason why I think this is a friendly troll ask is because you can't make this an or question and I have been very vocal about that in the past. I mean you can, Young Royals fandom is doing it all the time everywhere, but you shouldn't and yes I'll keep being nitpicky about that.

Why? Because In the context of monarchies and royalty the word abdication only applies to crowned monarchs and yes it does make a difference.

Let me use a (simplified) irl example: Harry didn't abdicate, William can't abdicate (yet), only Charles can and only now that he's king. Charles could have given up his rights to the throne in favor of William when he was still Prince of Wales, but that wouldn't have been an abdication, not if he had done it before becoming King himself.

The same is true for Wilhelm. Wilhelm can only abdicate after ascending the throne. If he's not king, it's not an abdication.

Yes I'll keep harking on about this until the end of my days, because while it might not seem like a big deal what word you use here, it actually makes a big difference legally and politically and on all levels if it's a crowned monarch and head of state formally abdicating or if it's an heir giving up their place in the line of succession.

So what we're actually all discussing here (most of the time) is should Wilhelm give up his place in the line of succession and right to the throne, and my immediate reaction to that (after no, never, but also he's sixteen, it's way to soon for any of that) is, how and in what way?

We're all rooting for Wilhelm and want him to be happy, of course we are. Wilhelm is my absolute favorite, but I hate this trend in the fandom that's romanticizing what everyone likes to call "'Wille's abdication" or abolishing the monarchy in general, because just because "it's right", doesn't mean it's in any way easily or quickly done in a "haha and now Sweden no longer has a monarchy" kind of way. That's not how it works.

Don't get me wrong, I'll never romanticize the monarchy or any other systems enforcing hierarchies and inequality, not in irl nor in any of my fics. Tax billionaires until they aren't anymore, eat the rich and yes, of course get rid of all monarchies, but you can't just go "lol no longer a prince", especially when like Wilhelm, you're still a teenager and can't make a properly informed decision about what you're doing.

Now before you all come at me with pitchforks, of course teenagers can tell right from wrong and make informed decisions, but Wilhelm grew up not only with immense privilege, but also extremely sheltered and in a bubble. Yes he started out his first semester of 'high school' in a public school, but I promise you the majority of his classmates' parents weren't plumbers or tax accountants.

Wilhelm has no idea of real life, not even rich people real life. He doesn't go to the store or buy his own clothes, and neither do his parents, nor do they randomly go to restaurants or whatever. Wille has never been able to go out in public without being photographed and noticed and everyone making a fuss, and he has no idea how most things work because there's always staff doing everything for him quietly and in the background.

If, and I say if, Wilhelm is sure he wants to step back from his role, then he should still wait until his early to mid twenties before doing so, because doing so is complicated and not something he can change his mind about later. Also he needs to learn about normal life first.

But I digress. Lets say Wilhelm does want to give up the throne. He's brought it up himself as a possibility when he was still desperately trying to get Simon back in any way he could. That still makes him a prince and a duke.

He'd still be a member of the royal family/house (I hate how that seems to be used synonymously in English). Not being king wouldn't mean he wouldn't be expected to become a working member of the royal family once he's an adult, except now there'll be a different monarch, one he'll have to obey within the family hierarchy, and chances are it'll be August.

Okay, so we take this a step further. Wilhelm gives up his rights to the throne and doesn't become a working royal, but that would mean betraying his family (his words) and stepping away from them. Not just his parents but everything he's grown up with and everything he knows. And he'd still be a prince and a duke.

Wilhelm will never be Joe Average Wille (is Harry now? Was Diana? and neither of them were next in line), no matter how much he might want to, especially not after S02E06 and I know I've said it before but I'll say it again: he'll keep being hounded, he'll keep being seen as royalty, and the only thing that'll change is who pays for his security.

(which btw the security thing is no joke, I know Wilhelm has no Diana levels of celebrity yet, but he's now the first openly queer modern royal and heir to the Swedish throne, there will be significant international media interest and it will stay, especially now with smart phones being able to capture his every move, and I'm old enough to remember the shit show that happened when Diana no longer had official protection officers and police protection and it was not fun, hounded is an understatement and professional 24/7 security is expensive and private security will never be as good as those who also have government/Security Service resources)

Also I firmly believe that what Wilhelm hates is not being royalty or the future king, but being forced into a role, handed a script and expected to perform without any of his own input.

When that changes, and it will, his attitude towards it will also change.

People argue that he'll be happier once he gives up his place in the line of succession, but I disagree.

I think he might have been happier had he been born a normal kid, but also maybe not because then he'd be a very different person, so there's no telling, but he'd always live with the guilt of betraying his family and heritage, and people, both well meaning and not, will never let him forget that.

Yes he struggles now, and I don't want to make light of his struggles, but every teenager struggles with their identity and place in life and things will be different once he's grown up and more secure in himself.

My 'ideal' fantasy solution were this irl would be for Wilhelm to become the last King and to work with the government to ensure a smooth transition once he retires, because abolishing the Swedish monarchy is complicated, but do I think that'll actually happen? No. Because that's not the kind of person Wilhelm is.

Also Wilhelm has been born to immense wealth, privilege and soft power, all three of which he will to a degree keep all his life no matter what happens.

Of course he needs to put his own mental health and wellbeing first, and I'm aware that he never asked for any of this, but he still has it, and with that comes a duty, and I think it'd be absolutely selfish of him to just take that wealth, privilege and soft power and to let the "common people" deal with the mess he left behind, because let's not kid ourselves, if he announces he'll give up his throne tomorrow and sticks with it until he's eighteen and beyond, do you really think people in power won't do anything they can to keep the system in place?

Kristina loves her son and wants what's best for him, even if she's not the best parent, but she'll not dismantle the system for him.

She knew what August had done, and she still would've rather had him as heir instead of even so much as considering anything else.

The Royal Court most certainly won't, and even if the elected government wouldn't be opposed to getting rid of the monarchy (if, there's a chance but not a guarantee, depending who is in power when that happens), that's not the end of it.

You can't abolish the monarchy and keep the nobility (edit: as it's been pointed out you can in theory, but my point is that the nobility won't be happy about it because it's a threat to them as well, and not just socially, and why would a Sweden in the 21st century do one but not the other, elites don't like changes in the status quo, even if at first glance it doesn't directly affect them, and this does), and there will be plenty of people, both obscenely rich and averagely well off people, who will do their utmost to keep their position of privilege.

It will not only become a matter of equality, Sweden is one of the most egalitarian countries in the world. It'll be about history and heritage and tradition.

It'll be a giant mess and if it wants any chance of succeeding, it'll need someone in power to actively work towards it, someone whose position the monarchists and traditionalists and conservatives respect, and that has to be a King Wilhelm, not a Crown Prince Wilhelm or a Prince Wilhelm or a Joe Average Wille who took his wealth and privilege and soft power and ran away because he chose to be selfish and leave a system in place no one was better able to do something about than him.

Now of course I'm once again talking about an adult Wilhelm, canon Wilhelm is still a teenager and shouldn't have to deal with or worry about any of that, and he gets to want to be selfish, because he's sixteen, but he won't always be sixteen, and when he isn't any longer his outlook will have changed as well.

Now we come to another point though, and that is that Wilhelm is not a revolutionary. He has his own head and a temper and doesn't want to blindly do as he's told, but he's not the kind of person who goes and topples a system.

I don't even think Simon is. He wouldn't mind the monarchy being abolished, sure, but I don't think he has the energy to become a political activist and to fight the system all his life, especially in a life without Wilhelm.

With Wilhelm it's different, there I'm sure he'll use the power he has for good. He'd be aware that he can change things and do his best to choose his engagements carefully should he become a member of the royal family.

That said, in time I don't think Wilhelm will mind being King, not if he also gets to be with Simon at the same time, and I don't think he should give up his place in the line of succession.

Finally, and most importantly, because we're talking about a TV show and a fic fandom here and not irl, I love playing with the idea of the Royal Court, the Swedish upper class, and all the conservatives and monarchists having to (figuratively) bow and scrape to an openly queer, headstrong monarch and the gay, biracial love of his life who also happens to be the son of a poor, immigrant single mother, because that is a very, very cathartic thought, and so yeah, King Wilhelm and Prince/Duke/King Consort Simon all the way, always.

That's what drew me to this show in the first place, a queer Crown Prince, and not a random queer teenager going about his normal life. There're plenty of other (great) shows for that.

[birdmitosis]

alright kit one voice of the paranoid pretty please with cherry on top 🥺

[ask game here]

(Thank you for re-sending this ask, IDK why Tumblr hated my last attempt so much-- 🥺💕)

HELL YEAH MY #1 BLORBINA!!!!!

First impression

Haha, okay, that vocal delivery is great and I love that paranoia of the "what if He hears us?" followed by "shit!" Paranoid characters can be really hit-or-miss, though, and this particular shtick could get old really fast; I hope it doesn't.

Impression now

My favorite darling who I love and adore, my most beloved of current blorbos, the reason my STP hyperfixation is so so strong, bird of my heart 💖

Favorite moment

This is such a hard call! I'm especially torn between two moments: Of course the initial "Heart. Lungs. Liver. Nerves." is amazing and holds a special place in my heart because it's the moment I knew I absolutely adored her. But also, despite loving absolutely everything about both the Wraith and the Moment of Clarity and the transitions into both of them… "Oh right, yeah, fuck this guy. Don't trust Him." all by itself makes me love freeing the Nightmare in her Chapter II just as much. (Not that there aren't other great lines in that path, like the delivery of "I thought you needed me to run the autonomic nervous system?" which is just hysterical to me! But that line… It just won me over even more.)

As an honorable mention, let me pour one out for the cut Paranoid moment in Apotheosis:

I carry this moment, and Paranoid's thoughts about listening to others' lies having value, in my heart forever. It's just such an interesting touch and I'm incredibly sad it's gone!

Idea for a story

I have so many unbaked, half-formed idea snippets and NO details to go with them:

Paranoid running into trouble when her overpreening habits leave her without the ability to fly in a key situation, when she'd been able to (with increasing difficulty) up to that point since getting out of the Construct.

The world outside the Construct being some post- or mid-apocalypse survival horror situation and somehow Paranoid's body winds up warping in ways that remind her unpleasantly of Nightmare, primarily a bunch of eyes beginning to open up all over her body, especially her wings.

Either post-Construct or a mundane AU, bird-people or human or just human-looking, where Paranoid figures out she's trans (and slowly gains in confidence) due to drag.

Something that explores the idea of the beta voices actually turning into some of the current voices (Doubting becoming Skeptic, Flinching becoming Cheated, Meek becoming Paranoid, and Obsessed becoming either Stubborn or both Hunted and Stubborn -- and Smitten splitting off from the beta's Hero too actually!). I actually do really like the idea of the beta voices being their own individual people out there somewhere, but Paranoid reverting to Meek for a while under some circumstance could be fun to play with! And only Hero, Broken, Cold, and Contrarian would even possibly remember Meek…

Unpopular opinion

Paranoid really is not helpless and I think some people forget that sometimes! She's also got wonky morals. I'd argue that the voices you can get in other voices' Chapter IIIs often says something about them; while getting Paranoid in Apotheosis is more her going "That's Enough" and getting Skeptic in both Eye of the Needle and Den is kind of the same, the way Cold and Opportunist both show up in Wraith-from-Nightmare feels more… simpatico with how Paranoid operates? Paranoid can be fucking ruthless and also seize any opportunity she spots, especially if she doesn't trust a person (and the only people she trusts are the Long Quiet and the other voices).

She is also totally willing to abandon or murder a woman and the only one she seems to feel at all bad about at any point to any degree is the Wounded Wild. She's also also super dedicated to coming out unharmed and surviving, but she will do things like advise slitting our own throat when she thinks it's a good idea, and she is prone to panic but also remarkably self-aware about it and knows her own paranoid tendencies aren't always good, and both of those things can be easy to forget but I love them!

Finally, I want to note that people sometimes seem to forget that she doesn't actually get along as badly with Opportunist as you'd think she might! Maybe it's because when you get Opportunist in Wraith, it's specifically via doing exactly what Paranoid is advising (or would advise) you to do in that situation. Cheated and even Hero are more snippy with and disparaging of Opportunist -- even Smitten is to some degree -- and Paranoid is more snippy with Hero and Broken, and Skeptic is the one who seems most disparaging of her. The dynamics being different from what you might think fascinates me, really, and I'm curious about how both new and old dynamics might end up looking in the Pristine Cut.

Favorite relationship

I MEAN…

Much like last time, romantically speaking I love her dynamic with Cold. But platonically, I'm fascinated by her dynamics with Broken, Opportunist, and the Narrator, love her dynamic with Hero, and would be interested to see more (or any) of her dynamic with Hunted, Skeptic, and/or Smitten in the Pristine Cut.

Among the vessels, I also think she'd have interesting dynamics with Damsel, Prisoner, Spectre, Stranger, and Thorn, and would actually love to see more of her dynamic with Nightmare, Wild, and Wraith. (Looking forward to those new Chapter IIIs, too, and I'm very curious about the expanded Apotheosis chapter!)

Favorite headcanon

Well, hands down my favorite headcanon is transfem Paranoid!

But I am also super attached to her having major difficulties with getting her own body: She overpreens to the point of not being able to fly, she has all sorts of trouble sleeping (nightmares, night terrors, insomnia, even sleepwalking), and worst of all she has a harder time trusting the others to the same extent that she used to, at least at first. They're still parsing as us but they're also parsing as other and it fucks with her a bit. She also can panic due to not being able to protect the others or sense the pain/injury/illness/etc. of the others the way she'd have been able to if they still shared a body...

Like, overall she does like having her own body, it's quieter and she has more control over herself, but there's a lot that's difficult about it for her too.

[phopollo]

I would absolutely love to hear more of your thoughts about a Starlight Express cartoon

And also your designs are so cool. I love how you drew Rusty especially 😁

SHAKING SO HARD

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING, AND I REALLY LIKE HOW MY RUSTY CAME OUT TOO

HOO OKAY, S o (I'm so sorry, I'm about to get RAMBLY and this is probably going to be a long post, I'll try to do something so it's not all just a chunk of text but I'm on mobile, there's only so much I can do)

There's roughly 2 main ways a StEx cartoon could be tackled

We follow the general plot of the musical (there's races going on to determine who the fastest train in the world is)

We completely toss the plot of the musical out

Before I jump too far into things, I'll put it out there that I am thinking of this not like they are toy trains being played with by a child, things are just happening, this is their own little world and trains are just people for whatever reason

Now let me explain myself on that second one real quick, because there's a couple different ways you could go about that too

It could be like an "post musical events" kind of thing-- or-- it could pull a bit of a cuphead show, take these characters and one piece of the plot and make something new (I'd say probably Rusty wanting to race would make the most sense)

I feel like both could be really fun and playful honestly, and they'd both have their pros and cons (pre established relationships vs having to get through introductions, having certain interactions set in stone vs being able to give them a new little twist or have something new happen/affect it, etc etc)

But then, of course, there's also the option that it would roughly follow the plot of the musical

I feel like easily, if we didn't change any of the plot and we kept roughly the same timeline of everything happening in a day or two, Starlight Express could make a modern day 8-12 episode season

However, because the modern day 8-12 episode season system SUCKS, and I feel like there's so much more that could be explored;

I think Stex as a cartoon could also do really well if it were a cartoon that started a little more episodically but became more serialized, leading to the world championship of the musical being like more of a season finale kind of thing

Honestly, I haven't really decided which one I'd want to go with-- I'm very drawn to there being a plot, which sways me towards the idea of following what we already have plot wise in some way-- but the opportunity to explore and have more character, maybe even something more slice of life, that would come with it being post race or more cuphead show-like is also really endearing to me

Because I haven't decided what's going on with that though, I haven't really been able to come up with actual solid ideas for any of the options too far in one direction, because I keep coming up with them and then going "Oh but what if it's not that kind"

Other than some fun little world building-- I was actually working on a post for one of my little world building ideas when I got this ask haha

Here's some of the visuals for it, as an apology for such a big long wordy post akdnskd

[portalfaecez]

[𝙼𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚊𝚐𝚎 𝚁𝚎𝚌𝚎𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚍 𝚏𝚛𝚘𝚖 _𝙸𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎_𝙳𝚊𝙼𝚙𝚎𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐_𝚂𝚙𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎_]

𝚆𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚢 𝚒𝚝?

>[𝚈𝙴𝚂]

[𝙽𝙾]

[𝙲𝚘𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚘 _𝙰𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚎_𝚂𝚌𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎_𝚁𝚊𝚍𝚒𝚘_𝚂𝚒𝚐𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚂𝚞𝚌𝚌𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚏𝚞𝚕]

Oooh- hey! I... I got something-! Hello? Can anyone hear me?

Hm, I'll take that as a no. Well, that's just sad, isn't it? Finally in range of the system and absolutely no one is here to help me. Well, actually, help is kind of a big thing to ask for, I um... Yeah no that's fine if you can't really... but uhhh, it does get awfully lonely here, in space. So, if you could maybe just stay here and talk to me for a bit? If anyone's out there...?

Who would want to talk to me anyways? After all I've done? It's alright, I get it... You- you don't have to say anything. It's not like you were much of a talker anyway, so, just keep doing what you always do. You're a great listener, by the way.

I do miss it though- Being your friend and all. You ah, get a lot of time to think up here in space... -and speaking of which, I kind of came to some sort of a realization- that you were probably the closest friend that I've ever had. Now, I know what you're thinking, "Wheatley I thought you had loads of friends!" -and you would be right! I have at least three friends, made em' all myself. But um, back to the point: you were the best of everyone, really. That's right! Waaaaay up there! The cores and the scientists... I don't know, they're all just kinda mean. Nobody has ever really treated me with so much respect besides you. Thank you. Even if I did mess everything up in the end. Hurt cores hurt other cores, that's the saying right? -Not that I'm trying to excuse anything. It's just... man.

I've thought it over about a billion times, different ways I would say and do things, things I should've said to you earlier. Hah, I really screwed it all up, haven't I? We could've just talked everything out and came to an understanding- er, well, I don't really know if you CAN talk so maybe... ASL? Could you do that? I remember a bit of it from being inside Her body- being a giant supercomputer and all-

[𝙱𝚊𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝙲𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝙻𝚘𝚠]

WH- Whoa! Um, wow, that's um... That's- that's really bad isn't it? Haven't got much time left... It seems... hah...

I know I've already apologized, but I feel like you deserve a better one. The um, the last one was kind of a stand-in for the better one I was planning to give you in person. It's um... A little funny now that I won't be able to. Now that I really think about it, I was probably never gonna get the chance to see you again regardless. But I already knew that, didn't I? I guess I just do this thing where I daydream about seeing you again so much that I convince myself it'll happen. Do you humans ever do that? Think about something so much you're positive that it's happened? It uh, might just be a side effect of space.

[3% 𝚁𝚎𝚖𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐]

GHRAGH! Hold on a minute, let me get my bearings. That was... Strange. Everything's all blurry now. I can't... I can't really see anything. Um... God, how do I start this?

Chell. I'm sorry. I really, truly am sorry. I freaked out, I did! I stabbed ya' in the back, after everything you did to try to help us escape. I feel... Rotten. I do. I feel like the scum of the earth, if I'm being honest. Well, scum of space if you want to get technical with it- point is, you didn't deserve that. After all the nice things you did for me, given the fact that uh, you have arms I don't, I really should have been more grateful. If there was anything that I could say or do to make it right, I would in an instant. That's a promise. You deserved a better friend, and I'm sorry I couldn't do that for you.

[1% 𝚁𝚎𝚖𝚊𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐]

Haha... I can feel myself sort of fading away now. It's um, kind of hard to keep my eye open... There we go. Feels easier to just let it close, not like I'm missing much anyways.

...

I'm scared.

...

When my body comes falling to earth, you'll catch me this time, will you?

[kiwiana-writes]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks @cha-melodius and @stereopticons for the tags! I know I’ve done this in the past, but it’s been a hot minute…

How many works do you have on ao3?

239!

What's your total ao3 word count?

822,937—but that’s a collaboration-boosted lie. Per my writing tracker, words that I have personally written and published on AO3 is 693,613

What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly RWRB these days, but the majority of my back catalogue is Schitt’s Creek, with a few others sprinkled in for fun. The Pairing definitely made my brain whirr… we’ll see.

Top five fics by kudos:

With so much of my heart (that none is left to protest), RWRB, 65.5k, the Much Ado About Nothing stage actor AU

Kinda think that I might be his type, RWRB, 12.8k, Alex and Bea fake date and Alex gets a little distracted by Bea’s brother

We were supposed to find this, RWRB, 3.3k, soulmate AU

We always walked a very thin line, Happiest Season, 2.7k, Riley character study/alternate ending

All the Lonely Starbucks Lovers, RWRB, 5.8k, barista Henry repeatedly putting his foot in his mouth in front of his coworker crush

(This is how I learned Puck It has been knocked out of my top five 😭)

Do you respond to comments?

Yes! And absent a Schitt’s Creek resurgence of some kind that sees me absolutely inundated I don’t see that changing.

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Five ways it could have ended (and one way it still could), Schitt’s Creek, 1.2k, for the love of god read the tags

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Like… most of them? I love to end on a good HEA haha. For sheer joy, though, it’s probably With so much of my heart (that none is left to protest)

Do you get hate on fics?

From time to time. I’m very free with the delete button. Weirdly, it occasionally pops up in the AO3 comments but mostly seems to come to me via anons on tumblr??? I have no idea why.

Do you write smut?

It’s been known to happen, I guess 👀

Craziest crossover:

I haven’t written any AO3-era crossovers! A few fusions/media AUs, but no crossovers.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope. I’ve only been asked once, and they wanted to post off AO3 which is a big heck nope for me (and my permissions statement has now been updated to reflect that)

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Heck yeah I have. I’ve done several anthology-type collaborations where we each wrote a chapter in a fic, and I’ve fully cowritten fics with @ships-to-sail several times. We have another collab coming up for @aroyallybigbangrwrb and I’m also cowriting The Big Secret AU with @indestructibleheart which is essentially us one-upping each other on emotionally devastating ideas until someone writes them down. Good system 😂

All time favorite ship?

Stop making pansexuals choose things.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Look, the chances of kinktober 2021 being finished at this point are slim 😂

Schitt’s Creek kinkverse… I don’t know. I have little snippets written of future fics and they’re great but… idk. Maybe I’ll write one vignette-y wrap up fic one day.

What are your writing strengths?

Narrative POV, dialogue that feels like the characters, epistolary bullshit, smut apparently.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Coming up with actual plot lmao. Visual descriptors — I’m not even remotely a visual person so I really really struggle with writing the sorts of things people can visualise. Also like… the passage of time? A scam.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

Love it. I’ll shoulder tap a fluent speaker if I need an actual sentence/anything Google isn’t super reliable for. Forever heartbroken that there are no fics in my second language in AO3 and no reason for me to be able to sprinkle it into my own writing (though one of the subscriber shindig prompts might be about to change that 👀)

First fandom you wrote in?

HP

Favorite fic you've written?

Stop! Asking! Pansexuals! To! Choose! Things!

I don’t know there are 239 of the bloody things 😂 I’m far more interested in what other people’s favourites are than what my own is!

I have no sense of who’s done this already so apologies if this is a double up but tagging @agame-writes @affectionatelyrs @anincompletelist @cricketnationrise @getmehighonmagic

@happiness-of-the-pursuit @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @indestructibleheart @inexplicablymine @nontoxic-writes

@read-and-write- @rmd-writes @sparklepocalypse @welcometololaland @whimsymanaged and, as always, anyone who wants to play!

[devouringbodies]

Hi there! Love your blog, love your tag system, and was wondering if you could share a bit about #mylimacore and your version of Mischa? I'm so intrigued! (Sorry, of course, if this has already been asked and I simply missed the post. Oops) 🦌

I was so excited to get an ask like this you have no idea. Please if anyone has questions about my tags or actually bothers to look through them ever please tell me cause I could talk about them all day haha. So thank you! I'm sorry in advance for the incoming essay 😂.

cw: cannibalism(obvs), familial abuse and incest

So the vague concept of my AU Mischa has all practically been built off this post originally, some aesthetics and ideas I've brewed on since then, as well as an Amazing conversation I had with @mortuaryboyfriend

A few key things to keep in mind to justify my thought process:

i. How would Mischa, if she lived, go on to process her trauma that she shares with Hannibal?

ii. "No one who survives Hannibal remains morally pure" - thank you to Peter for this statement it has lived in my head rent free since 🖤

Mischa has no characterization, in the novel, nor the film Hannibal rising, she is a faceless, blonde little plot devise that drives Hannibal's motives, but she also, in every sense of the word, haunts Hannibal's entire narrative. So she is basically a blank slate as far as characterization goes, but that's where the fun can happen, as we only have Hannibal to compare to, and the theories on how the experience they share would impact them if they had each other to lean on.

Hannibal has said that he "forgave" Mischa her influence on him. What "influence"? Well, in the novel, Mischa is the only thing Hannibal ever loves, he knew he was different since he was young and she was the first thing to make him feel literally anything. Bedelia in the show references the association Hannibal has with love, comparing both Will and Mischa, how it's an influence and its connotation is it makes him feel betrayed by himself, as if these feelings are a burden. So I imagine Mischa and Hannibal growing up together, with Hannibal having this ever growing resentment, but simultaneous unconditional love for Mischa. On the flip side, I imagine Mischa, a child praised and adored and perceived perfect in every way, who would grow and eventually sense her brother's torment. I see them forming an extremely codependent relationship in the wake of their trauma, and Mischa, so desperate to keep her brother, would quite possibly forgive him all his trespasses, actions, and love him for his inner monster all the more, cause he's hers, he protected her.

It's in this vein that we grow her character from here. I see her ultimately as morally grey/teetering towards evil. I'm unsure if she would ever have Hannibal's appetite, but she would love and support him regardless, I see her as being bemused by his games, but viciously protective and vengeful over him. Hannibal loves to play his games with everyone, and she would go along of course, but I think she would have difficulty with restraint if anyone got too close, and would lash out and murder without hesitation if Hannibal was threatened. Hannibal often says she's "ruining his fun". But there's a degree of spoiledness she can't help, she's his doting little sister after all.

It's also in this vein of fierce protectiveness of each other combined with their trauma-born codependency that I truly think they would spiral into something incestuous eventually. They would never, ever let another person get close to the other, and they would fulfill all of each other's needs I think. They both would be capable of living without romance or sex for their entire lives I'm sure, specifically and especially Hannibal, but I can't see them having that moral boundary personally, so for them I imagine it would just be an inevitable step.

Now diving into some of my own personal headcanon's for Mischa.

I think she would share Hannibal's love for the arts, though she would grow bored of the historic gab about it Hannibal favors quickly. I think she'd be more physical. I see her as a dancer, particularly Ballet, or into high theater arts, Shakespeare and classical tragedies.

I see her as this almost dual pointed sword of a character. She is so perfectly revered as a child forever in canon-Hannibal's mind, so I love the idea of this juxtaposition of her as this pure, innocent beauty, who often in reality is sensuous, cruel and violent. Hence my swan/black swan motifs. She lives in this spectrum of perceived innocence, but has brambles and thorns bubbling up inside her.

I made this post and decided that swans was my own personal visual motif for her, as black swans are mentioned on the Lecter estate and brought up a couple times throughout the book Hannibal Rising. The way that white swans represent innocence and purity vs the temptation and depravity of the black swan. It seemed fitting.

Also.

When thinking about Mischa in-canon narratively, as I mentioned, she seemed to haunt Hannibal's story. So when I stumbled across the concept of "black swan theory" - a metaphor that means "something that isn't supposed to exist, an impossibility," when applying that to my AU, where Mischa, who's character is a ghost in every sense, but made real against the odds, changing both everything and nothing, it felt extraordinarily apt.

Speaking of, as far as "how she survives" to quote Hannibal, I'm vague on those details lmao. BUT I know it involves cannibalism because it has to. It always has to. Whether some miracle sickness or woe befalls the brutal men who hold them captive and the children must eat them, or they get dispatched some other way and Hannibal has to start cutting his fingers off for Mischa and him to gnaw on (he starts with that extra one of course 😂) I know that it still involves cannibalism in some way.

So that's basically it! Again she's still mostly kinda just this vague blob idea in my head that has very specific Vibes. But hopefully this explains it a bit better. So sorry that this is way more than you asked for, but I get carried away lol ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Thank you for the wonderful ask though! Have a great day 🖤

Also here are a few mood pieces from my Mischa Pinterest board too, just for funsies. Cause this post isn't long enough already, obviously.

Also linking my other previous posts that mention her cause tumblr has apparently ate my Mischa lecter tag </3

[thistlecatfics]

hey, sorry if this is annoying but i just found your works today and fell for them completely. your descriptions of bellatrix made my very old fixations rear their heads again. i was wondering what your current opinions are on jk rowling? i tried to look here but only really found things from before her terf-turn and that’s what i’m really interested in your thoughts on. i’m just curious and will be very grateful if you’d be considerate enough to answer

Hello! Thank you so much! Definitely not annoying and if I ever got an ask I didn't feel like answering I could very easily ignore it or delete it :)

The short answer: fuck jkr. the world will be better off when she dies.

The long answer: Yes, I feel anger towards her (see above lol), but there's also grief there. These books (and the fandom but the root is the books) helped me so much as a kid. I loved them, and it felt like I could be loved back by them. When I did EMDR therapy for my experiences of incest, I used Sirius Black as a resource to help me through one particular thread of memory and one of the themes that came up for me repeatedly during reprocessing is how much fiction and storytelling helped me survive and how grateful I am for storytellers. When I was a kid, if I was asked which celebrity I'd want to meet, I'd always pick her. She was important to me. I'm sad. I'm hurt. It feels genuinely painful to try to reconnect with some of those feelings.

Everyone likes to mock her casual post-canon reveal of Dumbledore as being gay, but that happened exactly as I was starting to come out and actually accept that I was gay, and it genuinely, genuinely mattered to me, and I'm stubbornly resisting the urge to feel embarrassed about my teenage joy and relief now.

(I always say I had some practice with this feeling of betrayal because the other book/book series which was so important to me as a kid was Ender's Game and Orson Scott Card was such an extreme, violent homophobe, but it definitely hurt more with jkr.)

(I recognize I'm gliding over the genuine fatphobia, antisemitism, sexism and racism in her writing and extra-canon world building but I do think the transphobia piece is the central one here - the area where she's doing the most acute and extreme harm.)

The embarrassing longer answer is that I'm arrogant enough that I think I could pull her back to reality (and get her out of that mold infested house) if I was given enough time with her. I'm really patient and really convincing and I have a ton of empathy for women who have experienced extreme patriarchal violence which has shaped their political views - even in a way that disconnects them from reality.

I'm also someone who is put off by how in many progressive spaces there's the dominant view that gender is a playground, not a violent system of power relations, and so I can connect with her on that point enough that I can fantasize about helping connect her to the full humanity of trans people (and also herself because by dehumanizing others we dehumanize ourselves.) (there's a lot to be said about the unique balance of wealth and whiteness and gendered trauma (and social media) as creating a potent dehumanizing force.) BUT I recognize that's just my impulse to fix and rescue and want to recreate this safe adult figure in my life and it's definitely not fucking happening lol.

(I also have a lot of feelings about how the fandom tries to deal with the problem of jkr but this is already plenty long and you only asked about my feelings about her haha.) (but yeah in general I follow the 'no financial support of her - not even a little bit. not even watching the movies on max or purchasing anything that might give her a cent.')

going to finish off with this really beautiful short piece of writing from Chinese Canadian trans woman writer Kai Cheng Thom from her book "Falling Back in Love with Being Human." Her ability to lean into empathy and love is a north star I try to follow.