#actually the comic portion has been done for AGES so it's a little old now

[flickering-nightfall]

This shell may be missed in a way, but the fate it embodies will not.

(based off some spare screenshots of iterator shenanigans)

[samiralula01]

Jason Todd is the Anti-Batman

* A pointless rambling of the relationship and parallels between Bruce Wayne and Jason Todd.

Picture this opening scene: There are two boys in a dark alley.

One is dressed in an expensive suit with a tie his dead father helped him with only earlier that evening. His hands are stained red with the same blood now puddled on the grimy cement. His face is in shock.

The second boy is dressed in tattered jeans and hoodie. His hands are stained with tires grease and are clutching a tire iron. His face is in shock.

Decades later, there are two more scenes to consider.

A seriously injured man sits slumped over in his father’s study. Without warning, a bat crashes through the window, and everything falls into place. He now knows what he needs to do.

Elsewhere, an emotionally distraught teenager is curled up into a fetal position on a hotel room floor. Heart wrenching cries can be heard from him. But it is only momentary. He now knows what he needs to do.

These two individuals are Bruce Wayne and Jason Todd. While they are both broken and determined men, Batman is a hero. The Red Hood is not. He is the anti-Batman and this is why.

Two Boys in an Alleyway

Despite similarities in their stories’ early themes and elements, Bruce and Jason came to walk down very different paths. One of justice, and the other vengeance. Batman is determined to protect the innocent and Jason more so on punishing the guilty. Both their ideologies have intrinsic flaws, of course, and will naturally clash often. But this wasn’t always the case.

Before they became a father and son perpetually in mourning for who they once were and what could have been, Bruce and Jason were remarkably similar. The two are cut from the same cloth and Bruce knows this better than anyone else.

In the Dumpster Slasher three-part story line, (Batman #414, #421, #422) Bruce becomes emotional. Violent. He sits in the batcave alone that night and contemplates his emotions.

“Nearly blew it. I let it get too personal. Lost my detachment...nearly lost control. Almost beat Cutter to death. Wouldn’t have been any big loss.”

Only one issue later, at the end of this story arc, Robin is out on the streets and becomes angry when he happens upon a pimp is threatening a prostitute with a knife. Now, I want you to compare his line here to Bruce’s and note what Jim Gordon said to him as well.

Batman: "I think he’s had enough, Robin. What were you trying to do, kill him?" Robin (Jason): “Would it’ve been that big of a loss if I had?”

It is important to note here that Batman is not worried or upset just because Jason roughs up a pimp. That would be hypocritical considering his own earlier actions. If anything, it’s because one of the main reasons Batman even takes in these kids, these ‘robins,’ is because he doesn’t want them to be like him.

And Jason was acting just like him.

Jason can and has screwed up and failed due to his own actions, but it was never the reason Batman became upset with him. His reactions in the comics when Jason does things like running ahead and ‘jumping the gun,’ are more like this:

He either makes a teaching moment out of it or is attempts to understand Jason’s reasons in doing any such thing. When Bruce does become harsh in his discipline, it’s either when he feels as though Jason has endangered his own life or as I said, he acts too much like him.

While there are quite a few more similarities between Bruce and Jason that makes them alike, such as both being introverted and interested in obtaining all sorts of knowledge that they might not even feel is relevant, they are both, at the core of their characters, deeply caring and compassionate people.

The differences only start to show with how they act on it.

The Not-So Dynamic Duo?

“What happened to you as a child, the terror, the pain, the horrors (...) you were broken, and I thought I could put the pieces back together. I thought I could do for you what could never be done for me. Make you whole.”

Hot take. Jason Todd is a villain and is best written as a villain. 

Not in that campy way like he’s written during Dick and Damian’s Batman and Robin run while wearing that stupid pill-headed hood, (although, I grant he has a few lines that are enjoyable to read) but in all his serious, vengeful and downright brutal motives. 

The Red Hood is the perfect Batman villain because he’s so different from what the widely perceived perfect foil to the controlled and disciplined Bat is...the Joker. 

The Red Hood was vengeance at its purest. It is justice without being tempered by mercy. It is the rage of victims who were forgotten to become statistics. While other vigilantes wait for a cure, hope for rehabilitation, and pretend their system works, the Red Hood is a man of no such faith.

And this makes him a villain. And a damn good one.

During the Red Hood’s time as a crime lord in Gotham, he goes around blowing up buildings. He throws grenades into trucks. He mows down his competition with gunfire. Batman comes upon the bloodied hanged corpse of a man he was finished interrogating. 

But what is so compelling about this all is that before all the murder, all the guns and explosions, Jason Todd was a very different little boy. And all the great and memorable villains start that way.

The Joker is not someone you’re meant to sympathize with or even understand. In fact, I find him more terrifying because he’s unknown. He has no backstory (unless you want to believe the one he gave in Killing Joke, but the clown has a new story for every face he meets) and seemingly does what he does for a laugh of all things.

Jason Todd is in pain. He’s traumatized. Betrayed. Buried. Replaced. He is no one’s son because his father abandoned him.

Once upon a time, Jason Todd was a boy who saved himself. One of the biggest lies that Batman himself perpetuates is that he saved Jason from a life of crime. He tells Alfred that Jason was always dangerous. Bruce simply took him off the streets before he could be any worse.

But I don’t believe that’s true.

Jason grew up surrounded by crime, poverty, substance abuse and yet this amazing kid saved himself everyday by making a conscious choice to be kind and care about school, care about keeping his mother alive for over a year when he was just a child himself. That amazing kid was magic. 

Jason Todd as Robin was magic.

“Jason smiles. A bright smile. The kind Robin, the Boy Wonder should have.”

A good portion of his character’s assassination was in order to push the Tim is the perfect Robin idea. It was editorial decisions. The same ‘suits’ who insisted that Tim Drake be the Robin in the New Adventures cartoon despite having Jason’s backstory and personality. But I digress on that. 

Jason Todd was an introverted, studious, and emphatic person. He wanted to make friends with other kids his age even though he was a loner at heart. He joined the school baseball team and was a class officer, even if his training kept him from most social interactions.

He was also very much in tune with non-verbal cues and small changes in the environment around him. He was a thoughtful person who could be found admiring the stars or passing by scenery. When he teams up with the New Teen Titans, we get to see these aspects of his personality:

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so beautiful before. We’re actually riding above the clouds.”

“Every so often, I notice you become awfully agitated...like something was going on you didn’t want to be part of. Something’s wrong, isn’t it?”

It didn’t take Bruce long to fall in love with this boy and ask to legally adopt him. He found him to be smart, thoughtful, quick at learning and funny as hell. Their first meeting opens with Batman laughing in the very same alley his heart was ripped out decades earlier. 

Even in the Rebirth canon, (RHATO #48) we see that Bruce is already set on taking in Jason while he’s still with Ma Gunn’s school. He likes this kid. A lot.

“Butler, actually. You’ll meet him someday, I’m sure.”

Jason Todd was happy. Most of the time. Unfortunately, he still wrestled with depression and would sleep all day on occasion and could be found crying hidden away on his own, withdrawn from the concerned Bruce and Alfred.

In A Death in the Family, Alfred and Bruce sit down and discuss Jason’s worsening mental health, particularly after the Diplomat’s Son where Jason becomes witness to sexual assault, suicide and the failings of both Batman and the GCPD to protect innocent people. Barbara, his tutor, someone he cared about and got along with, is also shot a few months earlier.

Bruce thinks Jason has become suicidal. Alfred does not disagree with this theory and supplements it with things he’s observed himself about the ‘lad.’

“I’ve come upon him, several times, looking at that battered old photograph of his mother and father, crying. When he’s seen me, he’s hidden the picture and left the room, refusing to talk.”

It is then that Jason discovers the truth about his mother at the worst possible time, when he’s not even thinking straight, and thus leads way to the tragedy that will be his murder at the hand’s of the Joker.

The Curse of Jason Todd

“Do you have any idea what you have done?! Do you? You have no inkling of what you’ve created -- what you have unleashed! You have set free a curse upon this world!”

Red Hood: Lost Days, which depicts Jason’s dark post-resurrection origin, opens with Ra’s al Ghul bellowing this line, the steam from the Lazarus Pit still rising off of him. 

I’m not going to analyze this line, I’m just using it to supplement a point of mine I hope I’m getting through well enough. The Red Hood is a compelling, tragic villain. He is similar to Batman in ways that Bruce always knew and may have even feared because of how intimately he knows his own deepest, darkest thoughts. Jason is the perfect foil as an antagonist for him because of what he represents to Bruce.

And it’s not his anger, or his rage, or even his brutality. 

It’s his compassion. His caring. His emotions. And how they can open up the worst parts of themselves. 

Both are motivated by preventing whatever trauma happened to them from ever happening to anyone else. They both trained for years with this motivation. And they’ve both acted out on the very person who inflicted their trauma onto them.

Here’s where their paths start to differ, however, and what separates them with a line of morality.

They both get angry. They both care so damn much. About Gotham, about innocents, about each other. They both get too emotionally invested and deal with consequences related to that. To manage with that, Bruce shuts down. He creates all these choices, rules and symbols. He uses every ounce of his self control to keep them. 

Bruce Wayne is not a good person. He forces himself to be with discipline and will. He chooses to be a good man and constantly pushes himself to live up to that. Because it’d be too damn easy to be just like the Red Hood.

Jason doesn’t understand that. Because no matter what Bruce had done or will do, he doesn’t hate him. He can’t. Despite his denial of the fact to different people, he still thinks of Bruce as his father. This great figure that so many others revere and are even intimidated by.

He’s not the only bat-kid to think of Bruce in this light despite the fact that the man is not. It took Dick years to overcome that perception. Tim only just started to begin understanding this true nature after his own father was murdered. 

But even if he did understand his (once)father, he still became the complete opposite of him despite so many early parallels. He doesn’t hold back his words and emotions, he doesn’t go into a state of controlled dissociation or emotional disengagement.

Jason Todd—the Red Hood—is Batman without all his rules and control. In a way, he’s what the darkest part of Batman himself wants to be. Jason does what Batman can’t do when it’s needed.

Because in Batman’s book, life beats out justice. Even if he could take down abusers and murderers, he won’t. He will choose saving and protecting lives over the apprehension of killers...he always does.

Batman is justice. Red Hood is vengeance.

Jason is a victim’s fantasy. He punishes and kills the guilty. Something Batman won’t do.

He is the anti-Batman for better or for worse.

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

♫ Surfing on a soundwave, Swinging through the stars, Take a left at your intestine, Take your second right past mars!

On the Magic School smelly space bus! ♫

SPOILERS for Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow #2!

This is a comic where, the longer I sit with a particular issue, the more I’m like, ‘yeah. Yeah. YEAH.’

It’s dense in a way that invites the reader to go through it multiple times, and rewards additional readthroughs.

Also, it helps that the art is FREAKING AMAZING.

Seriously. Evely and Lopes should draw and color everything, forever, always.

(I will honestly be shocked if they don’t get an Eisner nom for this book.)

Anyways, all of this to say: Another issue that I enjoyed. It has one of the most genuinely sweet Supergirl moments I’ve seen in the comics in a good long while.

So, if you’re looking for a quick thumbs up/thumbs down rating, thumbs up!

If you’d like some SPECIFICS, though...

THE STORY

King is an evil genius because we don’t pick up where we left off--rather, we start in the midst of the Space Bus journey.

There is technically a Big Action Scene, but I was honestly surprised by how...casually? the story progressed.

Essentially: Kara and Ruthye are forced to travel by bus because 1.) Krem stole Kara’s rocket and 2.) this corner of the universe doesn’t have the right stars, so Kara’s still recovering from being under a red sun for an extended period of time.

The bus makes occasional stops; they encounter a space dragon; Kara takes some Red Kryptonite and saves the day; they eventually arrive on a planet with a yellow sun. 

And again, all of this occurs with a kind of...breezy ease that I was not expecting at all.

I assumed that the space dragon fight would make up the final moments of the issue, after having built up the problem to a point where Kara needed to intervene.

But, noooope. The space dragon happens somewhere in the middle, which helps sell the central idea that this is simply Kara’s life. She’s been there, done that. She’s a badass who takes it all in stride.

But! Important to note! Ruthye still marvels at the sight of Kara taking out the space dragon, as well she should, because:

OH MY GOD. THE aRT.

There’s only so many times I can say, ‘it’s phenomenal, it’s gorgeous, it’s stunning’ before sounding like a broken record.

But it is. It truly is. This is the prettiest monthly book on the stands right now.

(Realizing I’ve been spelling Ruthye wrong this entire time, maybe? IDK. Apologies if I have.)

It’s in the final moments of the book that we learn what transpired after Krem shot Kara and Krypto and fled: Kara managed to get Krypto and Ruthye to a healer, and then passed out for a week. 

Ruthye and Kara recovered, buuuuut...

Krypto is still very near death because the arrow was poisoned.

The healer can’t treat him until he has a sample of the poison.

Which Krem has.

(See where this is going?)

So! Kara regains her powers! Ruthye has a super on her side! KRYPTO’S LIFE HANGS IN THE BALANCE!

Gimme. Issue. 3. STAT.

THE CHARACTERS

Very much enjoyed Ruthye in this issue!

There’s a really tricky balancing act you gotta pull off when writing child characters; you don’t want to just write them as tiny adults, but you also don’t want to be obnoxious or cloying in trying to write ‘true-to-age.’

King gives himself a bit of a cheat, by setting her up as a rock farmer from a...what would you call it. An old-fashioned planet? And thus the kind of character who had to ‘grow up fast’ and behaves more maturely than your typical pre-teen might.

BUT! IMPORTANTLY! This is tempered by placing Ruthye in situations where her (understandable) ignorance is challenged/put to the test. Like, yes, she is mature, and well-spoken, and utterly tenacious, but she’s also out of her depth, and still in need of help and guidance.

(Which is how we get to The Best Scene which I’ll get to in just a sec.)

TL;DR - this issue has really sold me on Ruthye as our POV character and I am officially Invested in the relationship between her and Kara.

Speaking of...

It’s KARA-CTERIZATION TIME!

So, okay. There’s some ‘eh’ stuff in this one, but, BUT!

We got the goods again.

And by ‘goods’ I mean this:

Whatever other nitpicks I have (and I do! Have one! Which I’ll get to!) THIS. This right here! This is Supergirl. This is Kara.

And what a beautiful line to introduce this moment:

“And it began--as most things begin when you’re dealing with Supergirl--with a moment of kindness.”

It’s the same gentle concern we saw in the previous issue, where Kara knelt down to address Ruthye eye-to-eye. 

Here, Kara’s facial expression, and the way she takes Ruthye’s hands and shows her what to do...

It’s just. SO SWEET.

Ahhhhh it’s so good. :D

So good! In fact! That the above scene offsets my one complaint, which is that Kara came off as harsh, IMO, when addressing the bus passengers, looking for Red K. 

Other good stuff from this particular portion of the book: we get Kryptonese (maybe? I think?) And a mention of Kara’s mother being strict about certain things, which is in keeping with the 2000s series version of Alura.

Ruthye also asks if Kara ever tried to avenge the death of her family/culture and she says no; Ruthye says that she heard a lifetime of regret in Kara’s response, which I suppose could be read one of two ways:

1.) That she regrets her choice not to avenge them, or 2.) that she regrets not having the option to avenge them, as there was no one person to punch, no single action that could rectify the destruction of the entire planet.

I personally prefer the second reading.

Which I suppose contradicts the recent-ish “Killers of Krypton” arc, but who knows what is and isn’t canon anymore, honestly. XD

As for the rest of the issue! I found myself thinking of a Grant Morrison interview, actually.

Morrison apparently met a Superman cosplayer at a con and that’s when the character clicked for them: “[The superman cosplayer] was so in the character, but what really got me was the way he was sitting. It was this absolutely relaxed pose with one knee up and the arm bent over, and that’s what broke Superman for me. Suddenly I realized that Superman wouldn’t be a poser, he wouldn’t be a Muscle Beach steroid guy; he’d actually be completely relaxed because nothing could hurt him. He could be so open and friendly to everyone because no one can punch him or hurt him. He can’t get a cold, or be damaged by anything you’re carrying or wearing. For me that was the power of that, whether you want to frame it as magical or not, it actually informed the stories I wanted to write. I felt I understood him in a way I hadn’t until that moment.”

That’s always stuck with me, the idea that Clark would be the most at-ease, chill guy you'd ever talk to.

And THAT, I think, is what we’re seeing here with Kara. That at-ease-ness.

But in a way that is distinct from Clark! In the above quote, it’s clear that Morrison thinks it’s Clark’s powers that are the reason he can be so relaxed and at ease.

But Kara is de-powered here. So why is she so chill?

Because Kara is an alien.

Kara’s in her element, here. She’s used to space travel, she knows the ins-and-outs, she’s not shocked by any of the weird stuff they encounter on their journey. 

Love it. LOVE. IT.

I am SO GLAD that King decided to go with Kara being the wizened mentor, as opposed to the naïve kid learning to be tough. It’s a much more interesting angle, IMO.

Also NO MENTION OF RIVALRY BETWEEN KARA AND CLARK. WOO. LET’S KEEP THIS ROLLIN’.

Alright, last, but certainly not least:

THE GOOD BOY! KRYPTO!

When I tell you I stress-read this entire comic first thing in the morning...XD

And I am STILL stressed. And a little sad that Krypto doesn’t get to go on another space adventure but! This is MIGHTY PREFERABLE to what I *thought* was going to happen, which is that Krypto would die from his injuries, and Kara would likewise be out for revenge. 

Fortunately, that is not the case! 

So like, the stakes?!?! Suddenly sky high. Find that dirtbag Krem and GET THAT POISON BACK TO THE HEALER!!

ART and MISC. STUFF THAT I LOVE

I generally don’t like to post entire pages of a comic, or panels without context, but the...reach? of this blog is extremely limited so. I think we’ll be okay. XD

So, alright! Some moments that I particularly enjoyed!

One of the panels that Mat Lopes shared early on! 

I want this lettered version on a mug.

(Also she looks very ’Grace Kelly-ish’ here.)

Love Kara’s facial expression and her line about space travel being more fun when you can fly.

From the same portion of the book--such a neat detail that Kara keeps her cash in her sleeve!

Another set of panels that I think Tom King shared a few months back.

Love Kara’s little smirk, and the, “I’m wearing a big yellow S on my chest, and a very fashionable red skirt.”

It IS fashionable. WE SUPPORT THE SKIRT, IN THIS HOUSE.

Also the slrrrrrrp. XD

It’s good.

Okay, 1.) VERY COOL SCI-FI DESIGN and 2.) that line is great. “Can you feel it, Ruthye? We’re getting closer. The stars are changing.”

Mmmm, them good cosmic Kara vibes.

Kara’s attitude about the Red K here is fun, like, ‘WELP, sometimes you turn into a monster, sometimes you don’t!’ but again, the line is what gets me.

“Did my hair move?”

“I do not believe so.”

XD

Honestly? I could post the whole comic here. Evely’s vision of ‘public transit, but space’ is just so immediately...not ‘real’, necessarily, because there’s such a fantastical element to it all, but it is fully realized. I think I used the phrase ‘lived-in’ and that’s it--this world feels like it has always existed; every grimy nook and cranny, every rando space bus traveler.

And Mat Lopes’ colors!

There are like, five distinct color palettes at work in this issue, and Lopes handles them all masterfully.

I think my favorite is the...I’ll call it ‘ethereal space aquarium’ lighting in the bus as they view the space dragon.

The glow and the shadows and the blues and pinks...

GGGGGGGGAAAHHHHHHHHHH so goooooooood

So, yeah. :D

I am very much enjoying this weird, wild ride with small, precocious Ruthye and wizened, crusty Kara. XD There’s some stuff that I don’t *love* but my goodness, it could be a lot worse!

Let us end on the beautiful title page:

[octerminal]

I’ve talked before about how Nadia being Earthborn is the central reason she’s renegade leaning, but I really want to get into it again because I’ve been listening to Hadestown a lot recently and that always makes me think of Nadia because the musical touches on how traumatizing poverty is. And also just because, well, I always want to talk about Nadia.

But before I can do that, I have to talk about a few other things first.

(This is going to be niche and also super self-indulgent, but it’s my blog, so who cares. Note that because of what both Hadestown and the Earthborn background entail, this is going to get slightly political. But again, it’s my blog, so who cares.)

Generally speaking, Mass Effect has an issue with downplaying trauma. Ashley, Tali, Garrus, and James all go through the traumatic experience of being sole (or almost sole) survivors. Tali goes through this twice, because the comics show that before she even met Shepard she lost the team she’d been traveling with. (And that’s not even counting the fact she also loses a chunk of her team on Freedom’s Progress. They use this trope with her a lot.) Liara loses her mother in the first game and she has almost no reaction. Shepard dies in the beginning of the second game and spends the rest joking about it, with very few opportunities to express anything but humor over the situation.

People respond to trauma differently, and the game is also told primarily from Shepard’s point of view, so consequently we only see what Shepard sees. All of these characters likely grieved in private, and they definitely do carry scars (literal and figurative) from what they’ve gone through. But I also think that Mass Effect likes making characters go through objectively traumatic things without fully considering how someone might act coming out of it. In fairness, that’s the fun of fanfic, and I also do think everyone on the Normandy has some degree of experience in compartmentalizing because they simply don’t have the time to sit down with their feelings. (A lot of them are also just averse to doing this.)

But exploring that trauma is what I’m interested in the most, and that’s how I approached Nadia. Earthborn is my favorite background for that reason. It’s not a single event that’s shaped their life thereafter, but a sustained stressful environment they endure for years and only escape once they sign up with the Alliance. And in that regard, Nadia rather sees it as trading one cage for another, but that’s neither here nor there.

Like, to go back to Hadestown (I swear I’m not going to write Hadestown meta on this blog), “When the Chips are Down” is one of my favorite numbers because it so accurately describes Nadia’s response to poverty. “How can you expect me to care about another person and put their wellbeing above my own, when doing that will result in my own death? How can you expect me to trust another person, when that could result in my own death? How are you going to lecture me on having no morals when if I had prioritized morality, I never would have survived?” (This is something I love bouncing off Kaidan, but I’ll get to that later.)

In other words, and this is an incredibly obvious thing to say, poverty is traumatizing and violent. It is an incredibly violent thing to put another human being through, to make them worry for their basic safety, to live their day to day in a constant limbo of uncertainty that permeates every facet of their life. Will you be able to eat today? Will you be able to sleep in a safe environment? Can you trust this person you’ve never met? Will trusting them endanger what little safety you’ve managed to achieve? How much money do you have? How long can you make that money last? Where will you be tomorrow? How about the day after?

This is something that leaves its mark on anyone it touches. It’s hard enough for an adult to plan for the future when they don’t have the luxury of knowing how they’ll even survive the week; when you’re a child, and that sort of stress is all that you’ve known, how do you even imagine a better life when you’ve known nothing different?

Before I get any further, I want to pause for a moment. Something that’s always been curious to me are the codex entries for Earth. Here’s a portion of ME1′s codex:

Here’s a portion of ME3′s codex:

(Written transcripts of the complete codex entries at the links.)

In both of them, they talk about how humanity is in a new golden age. A lot of pollution and common diseases have been eliminated. The colonies have brought in more resources. There's even been some correction to the damage early climate change caused. Then the Fire Nation—I mean, Reapers, attacked and ruined all of this. Except, take a closer look at ME1′s codex:

“While every human enjoys longer and better life than ever, the gap between rich and poor widens daily. [...] Less fortunate regions have not progressed beyond 20th century technology, and are often smog-choked, overpopulated slums.”

This seems incompatible with the idea of Earth being in a golden age. How can Earth be thriving if the class disparity is growing, not narrowing? How can Earth be thriving if entire swaths are still "smog-choked” and using centuries old outdated technology?

It’s not incompatible if the idea is that Earth has entered a golden age only for the ones who can afford it. And this is the reality Earthborn Shepards were raised in: the idea that their suffering is an unimportant, insignificant underbelly to an otherwise “prospering” homeworld.

So, resuming with that in mind: the way Nadia sees it is that to allow poverty to exist is an inherent societal failure that reflects on the government. This is why Nadia has no loyalty to the Alliance, and why she doesn’t trust them. This is why she subsequently has no loyalty to the Council, and why she doesn’t trust them, either. It doesn’t matter that the Alliance and the Council weren’t personally responsible for her childhood, because they’re still governments. She knows that governments will lie and exploit and allow for people like her to fall through the cracks if it will benefit them. She knows they will broadcast only the best of what they have to offer while conveniently pretending people like her don’t exist.

Like, personal politics aside, as shown above with the codex entries, this is just...canon. And Thane’s loyalty highlights poverty on the Citadel through Mouse and the concept of “duct rats,” so we know that it exists there, too. How the Council presumably feels about poverty on their station is outlined if you speak to Avina on the Citadel in the second game:

AVINA: Asari futurists believe poverty cannot be eliminated without “cornucopia” technology, which will create anything the user desires. Such technology is unknown outside science fiction.

Essentially: yeah, unfortunately, poverty exists on the station, but what can you do? Believing poverty is avoidable is actually utopian and therefore unrealistic, sorry! 

But when you meet Anoleis on Noveria as Earthborn, he can literally tell you poverty doesn’t exist on Sur’Kesh. (And sure, he could be lying, and we have no proof either way. It doesn’t erase the fact that, at the very least, the existence of widespread poverty is something that even a corrupt and money embezzling salarian thinks is an easy jab.)

ANOLEIS: My homeworld is clean. Poverty is non-existent. If you take some perverse pride in that overheated, acid-washed slum, that is your business.

There’s nothing about the Alliance and poverty that I know of¹, which makes sense considering the main branch of the Alliance we see throughout the games is its military branch. There are still plenty of instances in the trilogy where the Alliance does exploit the vulnerable, or attempts to cover up their self-inflicted shortcomings. An obvious one is with Kaidan and Conatix; Kaidan literally tells you the Alliance is the one who “made mistakes.” That in their haste, they allowed a man to brutalize children for the sake of research. And when it backfired, they sealed the documents and pretended it never happened.

UNC: The Negotiation is one of my favorite ME1 missions for this reason, too—it highlights a part of the Alliance the series doesn’t really focus on otherwise. Darius tells you that the entire reason he’s operating in the region at all is because the Alliance is the one who set him up there. 

DARIUS: You see this gun? This is your gun. Your military set me up here, and now it wants to pretend it doesn’t know me! But I know the truth. The Alliance needed me here! So treat me with the respect I deserve!

SHEPARD: You said we set you up. Did the Alliance give you weapons?

DARIUS: After the batarians were driven out of the Verge, the Alliance wanted to stabilize the region. I had the strongest syndicate in the area. They gave me the weapons and money I needed to take over.

After the mission, Hackett implies the entire reason he sent renegade Shepard to cover a diplomatic negotiation is because he expected and wanted them to kill Darius, because he was now more trouble than he was worth.

HACKETT: I’m sorry that you were unable to negotiate with Darius peacefully. His death is regrettable. Nevertheless, the resulting chaos will create a power vacuum that makes future raids upon our miners unlikely.

SHEPARD: You didn’t think I’d negotiate with him. You wanted me to kill him.

HACKETT: Sometimes extreme measures must be taken to ensure humanity’s safety. Or did you think you were the only one willing to break the rules to get the job done?

(Link, so you can watch the mission yourself.)

None of this is me saying the Council and the Alliance have no redeemable features whatsoever, or that they have never contributed positively to galactic wellbeing. It’s just me citing instances in canon that support why Nadia has the opinion she does of them, and why she’s not exactly incorrect in having them. 

So, to loop this back around to Kaidan? As I said, he’s not a stranger to government-level negligence. But Kaidan had a much different reaction than Nadia did, and this is something that absolutely fascinates her once she finds out.

Before that, though: the two of them don’t really hit it off in the beginning—though they’re both still professional—and this is mainly due to Nadia being, well, Nadia. She is not a people person and she never tries to be, which consequently makes her off-putting to most people. On her end, she’s generally unimpressed and uninterested in the people around her. She sees a lot of them as puzzles to be solved and then to move on from, or threats to assess.² The rare times someone does pique her interest enough to act on it, she still prefers to not linger around for long. So, you know, just general unhealthy behavior.

So, Eden Prime is illuminating for them both. Like, on Kaidan’s end: Nadia comes off as callous. She doesn’t care about the colonists, she doesn’t care about Jenkins’ death. On Nadia’s end: Kaidan comes off as naive. How has he been a marine for this long and she has to tell him to suck it up after someone dies? (This is one of the reasons why she didn’t want to work with regular marines again; in my canon, Anderson had to needle her³ into accepting the Normandy position.)

But the truth of it is that the reason Nadia comes off as callous is because she’s thoroughly desensitized. Like, when you grow up poor, on the streets, and in a gang? You’re both witnessing and being put through a lot of traumatizing situations. Akuze, of course, only adds onto this. There’s this one dialogue option in the beginning of the second game when Miranda and Jacob are assessing Shepard’s memory, and while Nadia doesn’t take this option in canon, it is how she feels:

JACOB: You enlisted, and you survived a thresher maw attack that wiped out the rest of your team. Do you remember that?

SHEPARD: Yeah, I remember it. Everyone screaming, gunfire, blood everywhere. I was the only one focused on survival.

Paragon Shepard focuses entirely on the other marines: how they were their friends, how something like that can destroy you if you let it.

Renegade Shepard barely thinks of anyone else at all. There were fifty other marines on Akuze, and renegade Shepard thinks they survived simply because they were the only one focused on it. For Nadia, that’s because that’s what her entire life has already been until that point.

Look, there are a lot of different ways to play renegade; it runs a much larger gamut than paragon, in my opinion. Nadia is more of a neutral renegade. She’s not particularly bigoted, just dispassionate and apathetic⁴. She resorts to violence and intimidation because it’s the easiest way to control her surroundings, not because she thinks what she’s doing is particularly righteous⁵. This can get brought up in Samara’s loyalty when talking with Morinth:

MORINTH: Violence is the surest expression of power.

SHEPARD: Violence is a means to an end. Power is that end.

Like, Nadia is a person who’s had to live a life surrounded by violence, not because it’s what she initially chose, but because it was repeatedly inflicted on her. She didn’t have the luxury of nursing her compassion and generosity, or of prioritizing morality. Those things would’ve gotten her killed. What she focused on instead was survival: the best way to survive, the easiest way to survive, the way that consistently ensured her own safety. This meant violence, and in order to survive, she became very good at inflicting violence.

That’s what I meant when I said Nadia thinks she traded one cage for another: the Alliance wasn’t freedom in the truest sense; she’s still doing what she ultimately would’ve done if she had remained with the Reds⁶. She’s just doing it with government approval and a steadier paycheck. She knows she’s still being used, and it’s only who’s using her that’s changed. All that’s to say, she isn’t an N7 ranked infiltrator because she feels strongly about protecting Alliance space and dirtying her hands to do it. She’s an N7 ranked infiltrator because it’s simply what she’s good at.

One of my favorite renegade lines in the entire trilogy is during Thane’s loyalty because it perfectly highlights Nadia’s philosophy on her situation:

SHEPARD: Your father and I have killed a lot of people. You haven’t. There’s no reason you should start.

To Nadia, her life is what it is because of the circumstances she was raised in and the decisions she made in response to that. She doesn’t deflect blame for the sort of person she’s become; she holds herself the correct amount of responsible.

She kills people for the Alliance, she kills people for the Council, she kills people for Cerberus. Other Shepards might dress it up differently when death is unavoidable: “it’s a shame, but it was necessary,” said along with the appropriate amount of guilt. Or: they were a terrorist, they were a mercenary, they forced my hand. To Nadia, it’s all death, and there’s no inherent difference between killing someone “to protect humanity” (read: protect the Alliance’s interests) or killing someone “to protect the galaxy” (read: protect the Council’s interests) and simply killing someone in a situation paragon Shepards would deem unnecessary. And to Nadia, if you haven’t had to live a life like this—why start? You still have other options. Use them.

One thing I love about Hadestown is how it discusses the simple accessibility of being able to live your life, let alone live it virtuously. Like whether or not I agree with that, it’s an interesting thing to explore, and it gets brought up multiple times:

“When you’re hungry and there ain’t enough to go round / ain’t no length to which a girl won’t go / [...] and sometimes you think / you would do anything / just to fill your belly full of food” 

“See how the vipers and vultures surround you / and they’ll take you down, they’ll pick you clean / if you stick around such a desperate scene / see, people get mean when the chips are down” 

“Aim for the heart / shoot to kill / if you don’t do it, then the other one will / [...] nobody’s righteous / nobody’s proud / nobody’s innocent / now that the chips are down” 

“Go ahead and lay the blame / talk of virtue / talk of sin / wouldn’t you have done the same? / in her shoes / in her skin / you can have your principles when you’ve got a belly full” 

“I did what I had to do / that’s what they did too” 

“Some flowers bloom / where the green grass grows / our praise is not for them / but the ones who bloom in the bitter snow” 

Again, I’m not going to meta about Hadestown⁷ and the precise context for these verses are different in that canon (for starters, Eurydice never kills anyone), but the concept is similar: when you’re poor, you’re often driven to desperate measures to survive. Sometimes that means stepping over other people, or otherwise ignoring how your actions will affect them. Often, this is to your own detriment. And it’s really, really easy to cast judgment on the poor people driven to these decisions when you were never in their position. It’s really easy to just live when you’re not in a situation where you had to worry about your survival on a day-by-day basis.

I bring up Hadestown because it’s a nice conduit to explain Nadia’s issues. She’s not renegade because she thinks she’s on a crusade and anyone who gets in her way is acceptable collateral damage. She’s renegade because her survival depended on it, and as Sha’ira points out, it’s what has allowed her continual survival:

“I see your skin, tough as the scales of any turian. Unyielding. A wall between you and everyone else. But it protects you, makes you strong. That strength is what kept you alive when everyone else around you was dying. You alone survived. You will continue to survive.”

For her to survive her childhood, she had to step over other people and put herself first. This meant not allowing herself to get close to other people, and to not care about them beyond what they can give her to ensure her own survival.

And this is why Kaidan interests her. Kaidan’s response to brain camp wasn’t to minimize the importance of his morality, it was to double down on it. (Yes, partially to his own detriment, but that’s a different post.) His response wasn’t to distrust others, because after all, one of his defining characteristics is his compassion. It’s just that Kaidan’s inclined to troubleshoot everything, even his interactions with other people. He might be “once burned, twice shy” but he’s not going to be “once burned, byedon’tfollowmeI’mgoingtorelyonlyonmyselfforever.”

Like, he still wants to help...

SHEPARD: So why are you telling me this? Are you saying I’m cutting corners somewhere?

KAIDAN: I’m saying...it’s probably inevitable that we’ll have to. And when that happens, I want to help you. When someone important to you is up on a ledge, you help them. Keep them from mistakes better made by a kid.

SHEPARD: I’m a big girl, Alenko. I don’t need your help.

KAIDAN: I didn’t say you needed it, I said I’m offering it.⁸

...even though his desire to help (because he cares, because he thinks it’s the right thing to do) is precisely what led to the culmination of his trauma.

KAIDAN: He hurt Rahna. Broke her arm. She reached for a glass of water instead of pulling it biotically. She just wanted a drink without getting a nosebleed, you know? Like an idiot, I stood up. Didn’t know what I was gonna do...just, something.

He figures out what went wrong and tries to avoid repeating that mistake. He doesn’t just stop trying at all. He doesn’t lose his faith in having faith.

It’s antithetical to how Nadia responded to her own circumstances, and she can’t quite process the logic behind...why you would be this way. It’s not that she expects everyone to be like her. She’s seen a lot of different people traumatized, and consequently a lot of different ways people have reacted to trauma. It’s more like: “fool me once” is enough for Nadia. There are no second chances after that. She sees no point in ruminating over why something went wrong. Just accept that it did. (Or don’t, but never think about it, anyway.) She thinks living any other way is akin to, I don’t know, laying down in a snake pit right after one just bit you. Stupid, in other words.

(I should also clarify: this is mainly when it concerns people. She will troubleshoot when it comes to things like tech.)

Like, I’ve joked about this to a friend, but when Nadia first reads Kaidan’s file⁹ her impression is: alright, boy scout. Then she actually meets him and she thinks her assessment was more or less spot on, and she loses whatever vestiges of interest his file did manage to leave despite its otherwise boy-scouty-ness. 

But the thing is, Kaidan isn’t naive. He chooses to have the faith he has in the Alliance despite what they’ve put him through. He’s acutely aware that the Alliance is capable of mistakes, because he’s been on the receiving end of it—yet he still wants to help and feels that as a biotic, the Alliance is his best avenue to do that:

KAIDAN: I’m not looking for “the dream.” I just want to do some good. See what’s out here. 

KAIDAN: Commander, I thought real hard about how to use my talents. When I swore the oath to defend the Alliance, it wasn’t on a whim.

Like, Nadia thinks Kaidan giving his loyalty to the Alliance is a stupid reaction, yes (in fairness, Nadia thinks loyalty to organizations in general is stupid), but it still fascinates her precisely because Kaidan has some semblance of an idea of what the Alliance’s negligence can and has caused, and yet he still continues to put his faith in them. Kaidan hasn’t had the easiest life¹⁰, but instead of closing himself off, his reaction was to give the Alliance a second chance, to still place his faith in others, all because he still wanted to do some good.

It’s not what Nadia has done, and she can’t say she understands it, but realizing that Kaidan isn’t the ignorant boy scout she pegged him as goes a long way when it comes to the development of their relationship. (For instance: it allows the relationship to develop at all, lmao.) And the development of their relationship is one of the early domino pieces in a long line of dominoes that sets Nadia down a much healthier path.¹¹

~

¹ We do know, however, that the Alliance does offer to pay college/university tuition in exchange for serving with them in some capacity, thanks to conversations with Traynor and Ashley.

² You know that one Iron Bull banter with Cole where he talks about how one of the first things he does when he meets a new person is to figure out the best way to kill them? Yeah, that’s Nadia.

³ This is because Anderson’s brain is huge, and he understood no one can forever live life the way Nadia was living hers unless they’re a death seeker.

⁴ One of the most in character renegade lines in the trilogy is, once again, during Thane’s loyalty (a big reason why it’s one of my favorites: it’s really, really good Nadia content) when you choose the first renegade check during the interrogation. Shepard sounds so bored, so matter-of-fact. That’s the kind of renegade Nadia is.

⁵ This is probably worse to some people compared to “hard” renegade, since at least “hard” renegade can genuinely believe in what they’re doing, even if others consider it evil. Fortunately, I don’t care.

⁶ I don’t really think she killed anyone during her time with the Reds. (Or, if she did, it was only one person and it would’ve been near the end of her time with them.) I think they primarily used her for cybercrime. She still would’ve witnessed and been expected to participate in a lot of beatings, etc. And, as previously said, had she stayed with the Reds I do think this would’ve ultimately progressed into her killing for them, too.

⁷ Though if you enjoy criticisms of capitalism, an exploration into the traumatizing effects of poverty, and an ultimately hopeful message that meaningful change is possible even when everyone is conditioned to believe it’s not, I recommend giving it a listen. It’s easy to follow along through audio alone, but you can find a low quality bootleg pretty easily, too. (Be warned that some of the songs will differ from the official album recording, though.)

⁸ If the remaster brings better lighting to Kaidan’s little hub area and doesn’t hideously whitewash him like in ME3, this is absolutely one of the first things I’m going to gif because it’s one of my favorite moments in the entire romance.

⁹ Nadia reads the files of everyone she’s going to work with, not because she’s particularly interested in them, but because she wants to know what level of incompetency to expect.

¹⁰ Unrelatedly: ask me about my headcanon about how disgustingly rich Kaidan’s family is, and how much Nadia wants to kill him when she finds this out.

¹¹ This is absolutely not saying love, romantic or otherwise, cures her lifetime worth of unpacked trauma.

[roc-thoughtblog]

Sense and Sensibility Readthrough Part 23

Chapter 26, Pages 137-143

Previously, Mrs. Jennings invites the Dashwood sisters to come stay with her in London over January. Elinor would rather not, but Mama Dashwood would rather they do. Marianne is very excited.

Readthrough below.

Chapter 26

Setting: Mrs. Jennings' carriage en-route to London. Elinor is melancholic, observing Marianne's comparative romantic prosperity with some envy. Marianne is, I assume, vibrating in her seat from sheer excited anticipation at the possibility of finding Willoughby in London.

For better or for worse, Elinor is waiting for the soon arriving moment when her suspicions of Willoughby are confirmed or rested. She thinks it will come very soon, in London. I was satisfied giving Willoughby every benefit of the doubt before, but Lucy has shaken my faith in the single-facedness of the cast. He's probably done something, but I'm not relationship-savvy enough to have any idea what it would be. Secretly married for 10 years probably.

Three days journey to London, Marianne as withdrawn against Mrs. Jennings as anticipated, Elinor compensating for her as expected, and Mrs. Jennings just being really friendly mostly. Well, the lady seems to have no real issues getting along with Mr. Palmer so I assume she's unflappable.

At arriving at Mrs. Jennings' residence the girls are set up in Charlotte's old room. Or do they really mean apartment when they say Charlotte's old apartment? Oh! So they really do mean an apartment. A set of private rooms in a large house. I guess that's exactly what a modern apartment block is, huh, a really really tall house that is just a block of sets of private rooms.

... H-how large is this place? The house is only described as "handsome" but if one daughter has her own set of private rooms in it, it's hard for me to consider it a "house" anymore. Small manor?

Anyway Elinor immediately starts drafting a letter to send Mama. Marianne roughly follows the example, but by evasively drafting some kind of short secret note to be immediately and speedily delivered to somebody with a W in the name, who is not specified but whom Elinor is very certain to be Willoughby.

If it was any other character I might assume this to be a misdirection of some kind whereby Marianne is actually secretly making arrangements with an unknown W man, except that because this is Marianne so I can't take the threat of her subtle machinations seriously. :'D

... Elinor's worried because Marianne is on edge. I guess the note was some kind of summons. She's getting anxious from a lack of news, and from a lack of Willoughby bursting in from the street, windswept and rainsoaked and breathless, sweeping her off her feet because nothing could forestall his coming. She's watching carriages and jumping at door knocks. And then their door knocks!

"Oh, Elinor, it is Willoughby, indeed it is!" and seemed almost ready to throw herself into his arms, when Colonel Brandon appeared.

:D

:D :D

Sorry Marianne, I'm just happy to see Brandon back in the story after 16 chapters! But also this is the second time you've been Willoughby-baited, you poor girl... hopefully he'll show up soon. Even if you are acting unattached for the sake of inheritance, to not visit a friend who is in town is a bit cold. =/

It was too great a shock to be borne with calmness, and she immediately left the room.

Oh, Marianne... :(

Also ouch though Brandon. To show up to greet some friends and have the immediate reaction be that you were the wrong friend. That's gotta smart. :'D

Mmm the story is still noting here, or at least that Elinor is observing, that Brandon is "so partial" to Marianne. As much as I like Brandon it's difficult for me to be comfortable with the idea; if the story were written from Brandon's perspective it'd be from the perspective of someone 35 harbouring a crush on a teenager. Late teenager sure, but still a teenager. Obviously expectations and standards would have been different, but still, from my perspective it's hard to imagine any internal thought process that pursues this sort of romantic interest as particularly justifiable.

Well, I suppose Brandon hasn't really acted on any such interest. I guess I'll leave it a little out of sight, out of mind for now.

Anyway, Brandon and Elinor exchange awkward civilities. Both kind of a bit out of it, both a little too worried about Marianne in different ways. Argh, Elinor was so close to asking Brandon what was going on with rumors of his daughter but stops herself out of propriety! Always getting in the way of narrative communication, propriety. Seriously, the amount of stories that could have avoided being pointlessly drawn out if friends actually talked to each other... anyway. Luckily, Mrs. Jennings shows up to break the ice!

Haha, she casually comments on Brandon's apparent rivalled intentions with Willoughby. That is definitely in poor taste, but I'm entertained to read it. You know what, I'm just going to headcanon for now that Brandon is around 25 just so I can be less bothered by the whole idea, otherwise I'm going to keep thinking about it every time it comes up. I still personally think that's an awkward age gap but it's a heck of a lot better than 35.

So Brandon heard about their arriving from the Palmers and- no, wait, Brandon bails before we can get any more out of him. It's okay, I've already waited like 16 chapters, I can wait longer. Marianne re-emerged from hiding and I guess it just awkwarded him the heck outta there.

The next day brings the Palmers to visit. Charlotte Palmer is comically envious that the Dashwoods turned down her invitation to winter in London, but accepted her mother's. Charlotte and her mother take the girls shopping, but Marianne is on high alert and can't calm down. Also spaced out. She's really anxious to see a Willoughby but none are manifesting.

Poor Marianne, the anticipation and disappointment is eating her alive. Elinor makes a note that if this continues too much longer she's really going to, well, "interfering". Or rather, she's going to write a letter to her mother making the case that interference has become necessary. Which is probably better?

And that's it here. Also feels a bit of a transitory/setup chapter; if I were to name it, it would probably be "Marianne's Disappointment" as that seems to be the principle element. But I suspect in the given case that Brandon could have been anybody and still had the same effect on Marianne, and that Brandon himself contributed nothing in his brief appearance to any of the intrigue surrounding himself, that Brandon's only specific purpose as a significant portion of this chapter is to remind everyone he exists and is in London. So, very much setup still.

[quirkfics]

finding the time

commission for the lovely @sabbywrites

wordcount: 4k

warnings: smut, dirty talk, resolving UST (unresolved sexual tension), aged up

pairing: Sero Hanta x F!Model Reader

“Who's that babe with the hot Shiketsu girl?” Denki asks, resting his elbows on the counter and sliding back to lean against it, and- Hanta cringes. It's just a little bit, but watching Denki point a finger gun in someone's direction and miming shooting it? Mildly embarrassing. Blowing away the imagined smoke makes it so much worse.

“Shiketsu girl?” Hanta decides to ask, pointedly turning away from his friend and attempting to wave down the bartender. Really, he’s only poking at semantics because it’s Denki. He has a fairly good idea who he means, but honestly, they are out of school, and the only time Denki should be saying girl in regards to their heroic comrades is when there are actual girl children around. 

“Woman,” Denki corrects, narrowing his eyes Hanta’s way. “You know, Camie. Aren’t Todoroki and Bakugou still on good terms with her or something? And probably Midoriya too, come to think of it-” Denki sounds like he's gearing up for a complaint about their old classmates popularity with- well, with every gender. Hanta is not up for it today.

“Yeah, woman,” Hanta mocks, grinning when Denki’s bright smile morphs into a frown. “Isn’t she a year or two older than us anyway? Girl.” He laughs when Denki holds up a sparking finger in warning, and finally turns to glance over his shoulder. He can humor him, it won’t take long. “You better not be calling her that to… Oh.” Hanta can feel the smile sliding off of his face, and he knows that Denki is going to give him hell for it later, but Denki was right. 

You’re absolutely lovely, from the top of your head down to your toes and he feels like an utter fool, staring at you like some slack jawed idiot.

“I know, right?” Denki says, elbowing Hanta in the shoulder. “But, seeing as I saw her first-”

“Hey Camie!” Hanta shouts, waving to ensure her attention, completely speaking over Denki and ignoring his muttered expletives. “Long time no see!”

Camie doesn’t do the quick turn-around, honestly she’s too popular to try and find every person who calls her name, but she flips her hair over her shoulder and glances their way- and she’s smiling. She latches onto you, motioning in their direction. Cool, Hanta thinks, heart pounding. She’s coming over, she’s going to introduce us to her friend, this is-

“Camie! Hey, how’s it-” Denki starts to make his trademark finger gun again, which has Camie laughing as she tugs you to a stop. 

“Chargebolt, Cellophane,” Camie says, and Hanta could almost swear she was smirking when she said his hero name. She introduces you without preamble, but the way she says your name is more than passingly fond. 

Denki snaps his fingers as soon as she does. “That’s why I know you! That editorial with those stellar lights? You did great!” He whistles, which leaves Hanta with raised eyebrows. “Model,” Denki explains, expression sly. He opens his mouth, ready to continue talking up a storm, but Camie suddenly latches onto his arm.

“Oh my god, Chargebolt, you have to meet someone - we’ll catch you two later!” Camie throws over her shoulder, nearly dragging Denki off into the crowd. 

Hanta turns back to ask what that was about and is nearly bowled over by the dazzling smile you’re directing his way.

“That wasn’t obvious at all, was it?” You ask, laughing like you’re shy. The look on your face is full of confidence, even though your hands are twisting nervously, but Hanta still feels like a fool because he is like- two steps behind on all of this. Something was obvious, and he has no idea what it was because all he can think is-

“Obvious?” Hanta asks, and feels a horrific blush crawling up his throat when you offer him your hand and introduce yourself again. “Oh! Ah, Sero Hanta,” he murmurs, hoping desperately that his hand isn’t sweaty or clammy. You don’t pull away or exclaim in disgust, so he thinks, or hopes, rather, that he’s in the clear. “So, you model?” He asks, sure that he’s acting the dunce

“Minor amount of hero work, so modelling has been my go-to. I like it, actually, but- and this might seem a little silly: I wanted you to know, I have been a fan of yours for a while-” 

Hanta’s heart speeds. “No kidding? That is- that’s awesome-” For a moment he has no idea where to go with this. Is he overthinking things? You said fan, there’s no way that you- “Uh, hey, want a drink while we chat?” He jerks his thumb at the bartender, who is slowly making his way back towards Hanta, and relief floods him when you smile again. 

“I’d love that,” you say, moving closer to the bar - and Hanta, hell, he can feel the warmth of you near his shoulder - while you wait to order. The longer you stay, the easier it gets for him to loosen up, and you don’t look like you’re trying to search for a way out. Hanta still thinks he doesn’t have a chance in hell of scoring your number, but you’re gorgeous and funny and- he is totally developing a crush on you, and is more than willing to spend the rest of his evening by your side. You discuss some of your work while you wait for the drink, but even after you accept the glass, you don’t really light up until you turn to him with questions about his latest hero exploits. If he didn’t know better, he would think you were a journalist - it’s all too easy for you to get him talking.

“You have got to tell me about that insect villain you took down a couple weeks ago - the tape as a web?” You give him a small thumbs up before you take a sip of your drink. You then have to set it down and laugh because Hanta knows he’s blushing now. Truth be told, he’d been a little embarrassed about the web thing. “Are you blushing?” You ask, reaching up to tap a single finger against his cheek. You don’t sound like you’re making fun of him or anything though. You sound like- like you’re flirting, and Hanta is pretty sure you are way out of his league.

It feels like it takes eons to get the story out, but you seem to think he’s as quick witted as his interviews typically show him. You laugh at his jokes and let him ramble, but he’s pleased to find that you’re perfectly willing to discuss your interests too. 

“To be honest,” you say in a whisper, leaning in close so he can hear it over the milling crowd. “I would much rather be home in sweatpants.” You straighten, gesturing down at your carefully tailored outfit. “Honestly, who can live in clothes like this?”

Hanta snorts into his drink and nearly chokes. “If it’s any consolation,” he offers, taking the small stack of bar napkins you hand him and wiping his face. “You can rock just about anything. Sweatpants should be more widely accepted.”

Hanta feels like he’s on cloud nine. The conversation never slows down and before he realizes it, the charity event is nearly done, you’ve strolled through the room with him twice over, arm hooked in his- and Denki and Camie are still nowhere in sight. He… Doesn’t really want the evening to end. 

“They’re wrapping up,” you say with a sigh, glancing up at the stage. It feels like his heart shoots up into his throat. He wants to ask for your number, but what if you’d just been passing the time with him because- “Listen, I have to head out - early work day tomorrow,” you explain, an apology in the downward curl of your lips. “But we should do this again sometime!”

Hanta blinks in surprise. “Yeah?” He asks, still feeling like he’s two steps behind as you tap something out on your phone and then turn it his way. You’re- you’re asking for his number! Hanta knows that he’s smiling, can feel the ache in his cheeks, but all he can think about is his name in your phone, followed by ~Cellophane~ and a web emoji. Never mind his previous embarrassment, if that stupid insect villain helped score him a date with you, he’s going to send the guy a care package in jail. 

“Can’t miss the chance to get to know you better,” you tease and then carefully take your phone back, fingers flying over the screen. A moment later, his phone buzzes in his pocket and he takes it out to see a string of emojis in his notifications, ending with a kissing face. 

He’s going to combust. 

“Wonderful,” you declare, smile turning a little nervous. “Maybe next time you’re free we can go on a date and-” 

Hanta trips, but you steady him before he can fall. When he straightens up he hurriedly agrees to the date, ignoring the fact that’s probably a vibrant red- and from somewhere across the room, he hears Denki whooping.    

Despite exchanging numbers and trying to plan an actual date though, the both of you end up being terribly busy a good portion of the time. Hanta’s versatile quirk takes him out of the city frequently, and so does your modeling. For the next two weeks you both have to settle for texting, which is frequent, or calling, which is less so. At one point you get to video chat, though it feels like something straight out of a comic book, because Hanta props his phone on building ledge and takes down a small group of villains with leaping quirks in between conversation. One of the villains tries to make a snide comment about Cellophane’s girlfriend and ends up in a tape cocoon, hanging upside down.

He surprises you with coffee once on a shoot, and is nearly mobbed with attention for his trouble. In the end you only get to spend about 10 minutes in his company before his phone is ringing and you’re being called back by the photographer. Both of you enjoy your work, you understand, but- it’s getting a little frustrating when you’re on each other's minds so much, and all you can do is grab a few spare hours together, and never all at once. 

“Call in,” Camie says over the phone one afternoon, tapping awkwardly at a keyboard. You’re fairly sure she’s trying out some new promotional product - Camie gets so many gifts from fans and companies that you’re not sure she knows what to do with them all. 

“But I-”

“He has the day off and you’re only due for something minor - seize that moment,” Camie insists, and then pops her bubblegum right next to the phone. She apologizes almost immediately, though you still have to rub at your ear to stop the stinging. 

“I’m just a little nervous, it’s our first date-”

“Pssh. First?? Didn’t you grab lunch together twice this week?” 

You have to pause before you answer that one. Did you? You count silently and then shrug, even though she can’t see you. “Yeah, but-”

“And breakfast last week. Are you classifying a date as dinner or-” Camie’s muffled laughter echoes over the line, followed quickly by a scraping noise as she pushes the keyboard away from her. “You two have been dating since the charity.”

Camie is.. Most definitely right. You just haven’t quite noticed. The rising tension between the two of you is almost overwhelming, and it’s all you can think about whenever he has to head out or back to work or you get called in for a show. You call out on the small job tomorrow, and immediately let Hanta know you’re free. 

Part of you expects the day to be a bit awkward. You’ve both been out of your mind trying to scrape together every spare second, but when you see him walk through the restaurant door all you feel is an overwhelming sense of joy. It’s still a little odd to see him in casual clothes, though to be honest, you’re fairly sure he could be a model himself, if he had any interest in it.  

“That’s a big smile,” Hanta teases, though he doesn’t have any room to speak with his megawatt grin lighting up the room. He pulls out a chair to join you, and then his expression turns a little goofy when he realizes you ordered his coffee for him. “Something good happen this morning?”

“Other than getting to spend time with you?” You shrug, all nonchalance, and then pause, tapping your fingers against the side of your mug. “So it’s been pointed out to me that… Well, we’ve kind of been dating this whole time?”

Hanta freezes with his drink halfway to his mouth. 

“I mean, we do grab meals together all the time and even though we’ve been lamenting not having a first date, we’ve kind of-”

“Had a whole bunch?” He asks, cheeks turning rosy. “Yeah. That’s- ‘s kinda true, huh? Are you… Are you happy about that?”

“Yes,” you blurt, and then both of you are laughing. During breakfast, at least, the tension eases and the both of you are finally able to grab more than a few minutes of conversation. You get to talk about more than just daily updates, or the quality of the food and it’s- it’s everything you both have been wanting. 

The day blazes by, though tension starts to amp up with every little touch between the two of you, every second more spent in one another's company. There’s always been attraction between you, but now- now there’s feelings involved. He’s sweet, and funny, and has a fierce love for orange flavored everything- and his hand curling around your wrist when he helps you down some stairs has your heart pounding. He laughs whenever you tease him, like he can’t believe his good luck, and you catch sight of his jaw starting to drop whenever you bite or lick your lips. He’s made frequent aborted movements all day, like he’s going to try and kiss you, or he’s shifting in his seat to adjust himself- You don’t feel any better. You have to stop yourself from tugging on stray locks of his hair or pulling him in close for a hug whenever you have to wait in line for food or tickets, just because you want to feel him pressed against you.

Halfway through dinner you stretch your leg, and your foot brushes against his ankle- and then both of you freeze like you have stage fright. 

“Trying to play footsie?” Hanta teases, smiling down at his meal. “I mean, I can’t blame you- have you seen my legs? I do a lot of squats-” He laughs, hiding his face when you flick a small bit of food his way. He brushes the crumb off, but his smile stays just as vibrant as ever. 

“Seriously?” You ask, trying to keep a straight face while kicking gently at his shoe. “All the ways you could have worded that and you joke about squats?” You shake your head, though your heart beats double time when he catches your foot between his ankles. This is getting ridiculous, knowing how much you want each other. 

So you can admit that you’ve had a few dates now. It’s just that… You’ve never been alone when you do. Coworkers usually abound, and even if they’re not in the immediate vicinity, you know they’re watching, for curiosity’s sake, or for gossiping reasons- neither of you have had the chance to just be alone. The last few hours, it’s been all you can do not to breathlessly ask him to take you back to his place because you want to kiss him, damn it, and… Either of you smooching someone in public is sure to warrant a tabloid photo somewhere. It’s not that you mind that, but you’d rather keep a few things to yourself, thanks much.

“Alright,” you decide aloud, pushing away your half eaten plate. “I say we take this to go, and unless you’re busy tomorrow, I- what are you-” You turn your head to see what Hanta is waving at, and see the waiter coming your way. 

“If you’re going to say what I think you are, I’m grabbing the check,” he clarifies. “...please tell me if I thought wrong though? Because if I did, I’m probably going to pay and then eat the receipt because embarrassment is nigh.”

You have to hide your smile behind your hand. “No, you thought right. Receipt eating will not be necessary.”

You run into a few minor issues along the way - a detour because of a hero and villain battle up ahead, and then a group of teen girls make a beeline for you when you decide to make a pit stop at a convenience store- you don’t particularly mind the last, though you promise yourself you’re going to pinch Hanta later. He’s standing in another aisle, mimicking their excitement, just tall enough for you to see over the shelves. When you finally make it to Hanta’s place, you swear you can hear your pulse in your ears, and Hanta is no better. He fumbles with his keys and keeps glancing at you out of the corner of his eye, like he’s afraid if he blinks you’re just going to wink out of existence.

As soon as Hanta locks the door between you two and the rest of the world, you stop thinking. He sweeps you up into his arms, nearly lifting you off of the floor, and plants a kiss on you that has your brain short circuiting. Every little moment, every little stolen touch or time you’d held hands was just building up that pool of desire and now it feels like you can barely breathe through it. Hanta’s fingers press just right into your hips and he groans when you bite his lower lip as run your hand through his hair. He lets you tilt his head to the side, tugging on the hair in your hand and curses as soon as your mouth touches his neck. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve been thinking about this,” he tells you, shoulders shifting. “You keep getting this look on your face-” He says, and you gasp, legs wrapping around his hips reflexively as he hauls you up into his arms. “And all I can think about is you making that face in bed.”  You let him carry you through his house, clutching precariously to his shoulders. 

“Maybe you should show me,” you say, and then squeak when he falls back on his bed with no warning. He laughs when he sees your face, but then seems to realize that his hands are still wrapped around your thighs and you’re on top of him and- His expression goes a little slack. You shift, and Hanta shudders as you brush against him.

“You’re so fucking warm,” he mutters, glancing between you like he’s expecting to see bare skin already. You rock against him again, just to see the blissful look on his face and start slipping off your clothes. His hands slide from your thighs back up to your hips as you do, breath growing a little short as he watches you with wide eyes. “You’re gonna kill me,” he mutters, moving his hands further up your body. “You know that? Just looking at you is making it hard to functi-” You press yourself against him, leaving him speechless. His thumbs just barely brush over your breasts before you’re sliding off of him to ditch the rest of your clothes.

Hanta tries to follow suit, but keeps fumbling, moving too fast- you’re fairly sure you hear the tell-tale sound of something ripping, but as soon as he’s free of the constriction, he’s tugging you back into his arms. You’ve been waiting for so long to kiss Hanta that every brush of lips has you going back in for more. He stumbles back against the bed, hands stroking over your shoulder blades and then makes a wrecked noise against your mouth when you take his erection in hand. When you squeeze him, his knees start to buckle. 

“Trying to take the lead, huh?” He breathes out, fingers trembling against your spine as he presses a wet kiss against your shoulder. “Get me on my knees? Or do-” Hanta curses when you start stroking and follows your gentle push towards the bed. He sits, and lays down at your prompting. 

“Mm, I like the way you talk to me,” you murmur, straddling his legs and leaning down for another kiss. Part of you thinks you should take your time, but this drawn out wait has been frustrating, and Hanta doesn’t seem to have any complaints about the speed. When you press him between your thighs this time, Hanta hands spasm.

“Fucking wet,” he mumbles, lifting his head so he can see. The wait was definitely worth it - he’s ridiculously warm when you rock your hips, pressing him inside you, and between the feeling and look on his face. “Do I- fuck, do I have to stay still?” He asks, hands still frozen between your back and your hips. 

“Do you want to?” You can’t help asking, and then you’re clutching at his shoulders for purchase as he thrusts up into you. 

“N-no. I want to touch, want to try and-” It takes a moment before you both find a rhythm, timing his thrusts with the rocking of your hips, all the while he’s telling you how beautiful you are, how much he’s been thinking about you, how he dreamed less than a week ago of finally having you in his office. “Was a- a mess when I woke up,” he pants, reaching up to curl his fingers around the back of your neck. He pulls you in close enough to kiss, but he’s still talking. “And then you called, and your voice-” Hanta finally seems to run out of words. His hips stutter and then his thighs start to tremble when you kiss him, swallowing down the noise he’s making. You think he might be getting close, but then he’s wrapping arms around you and rolling you onto your back. 

The angle change has you hurriedly breaking the kiss, your back arching, leaving your mouth almost numb from all the attention. Hanta shifts until the front of his thighs are pressed to the back of yours and picks the pace back up. His cheeks are flushed and his hair is sticking to his forehead, and then he’s reaching between your thighs to press his thumb to your clit and you’re seeing stars. You vaguely recall him saying your name, but you’re shaking and trying to catch your breath- and then Hanta is pulling out of your and coming over your abdomen, his hands clutching at your knees. 

He laughs almost as soon as he’s finished, brushing hair out of his face. “Ahh, I seriously thought I wasn’t going to make it,” he tells you, only the smallest amount of shame in his face. “I have been a mess since that morning you called. I thought for sure you could hear my thoughts and any minute you were going to say something about-”

“Hanta, you are ridiculous.”

“-ly good in bed?” He finishes with a cocky smile, standing up and then frowning down at the pile of clothes on the floor. “Lemme grab a towel.”

He leaves before you can answer, but you call out: “That too!” and relax back against the comforter, a smile on your face. Your phone buzzes on the floor, but you flat out ignore it. All you really want to do is take a break for cleanup, and maybe some food, and bring Hanta back to bed. After all, you waited long enough, didn’t you?

[skylander5000]

Home Is Where the Guilt-Tripping Is

read on Ao3

Summary: Laura returns home, tired after a mission with the Avengers, to an insecure Gabby Kinney. How is she going to make her feel better? Probably not in the way your thinking.

or

Gabby is feeling insecure because Laura had been spending so much time with the Avengers. Laura is quick to fix that.

A/n:  So a couple of things before you read. This is sort of my own headcanon. Doesn't really take place at a specific time in the X-23 comics. For context, just imagine post- Age of Ultron, except Laura was there.

Laura had just got home, fresh from a week-long mission with the Avengers, suit covered in a mixture of dirt and blood. She was desperate to get out of the dirtied blue and yellow spandex and into a hot shower. The cheap, dingy hotel Steve had them set up at didn't have hot water, so a scolding shower sounded like bliss to her aching joints. It felt like the metal of her claws was grinding at her bones, creating unwanted and painful friction.

She set down her go-bag on the kitchen counter and stripped off the jacket she used for cover. In the dead of night, the bottom portion of her costume just looked like graphic leggings. If a pedestrian were to stop her, the possibility of anyone recognizing the pattern on them to be Wolverine's was unlikely. But just in case, Laura was regularly altering the suit's design to avoid that scenario. Besides, there was only a baseline for what the Wolverine looked like; muscular, dark hair, fitted in something resembling a yellow and blue suit.

A warm cone of yellow light from a floor lamp illuminated the small apartment. The only sound was the rain beating against the custom Plexiglas windows. She'd had them installed shortly after moving in, finding the hustle and bustle of the city unbearable with her advanced hearing. The intense tumult was now a nearly undetectable thrum that Laura only picked up on occasion. Nothing seemed out of place. Save for her desk, now cluttered with papers and an open laptop.

Gabby had been doing her homework here, she deduced. That wasn't an exceptional occurrence. The Xavier School was only a 30-minute bus away, and her sister often came to visit if things were a bit hectic. It turns out a building housing 50 or so teenagers wasn't the best place to study. Every now and then, the young girl would sleepover. She even slept over the day before Laura left for her most recent mission. A part of it was odd for Laura, though. It wasn't that she didn't enjoy her little sister's company. Laura loved it, welcomed it even. Gabby was a calm and comforting presence. But, it had been a long time since Laura has had anything resembling a roommate, and she wasn't the most accommodating when it came to space. Privacy was an important thing for her, and while she trusted her sister, she was by nature, a cautious being. To avoid intrusion and unnecessary conversations, Laura made sure to establish some ground rules.

The first being that Gabby was welcome to come over anytime she just had to call in advance and tell someone where she was going. Last time the 13-year-old left without telling anyone, the X-men were out until 3 a.m. scouring the city of New York. Meanwhile, she was asleep on Laura's sofa, fast asleep with a frozen waffle in hand.

The second rule was probably the most predictable. Gabby was not allowed in Laura's bedroom without permission. She was also to stay out of personal storage spaces and the medicine cabinet in the bathroom unless it was an actual emergency.

The third rule was one the Xmen decided upon collectively. Gabby, if she was going to stay the night at Laura's, had to have her all of her homework done. Furthermore, she must be in bed by a decent hour, especially on school nights. Gabby, while she was sweet and innocent and pure, disliked anything to do with school. She went to a traditional middle school, after all. Laura and the other Xmen had all determined that she needed a regular, base education, along with her studies on mutants and power control. Gabby had shunned the idea from day one.

"Why do I need to learn what they do. I'm not human," The 13-year-old had argued. Jean had only sighed, adjusting to give the lecture she gave to all the students about how all knowledge was beneficial, no matter your species. Laura was quick to cut Jean off though, stealing Gabby's attention as soon as she spoke, "If you go you can have free roam of the ice cream shelf in the freezer," Gabby had agreed to go then, still with some reluctance.

The fourth and final rule was more for Laura's comfort than anything, cautious by nature, remember. Gabby needed to keep an extra suit at the apartment. So in case of an emergency, she could quickly act without compromising her identity.

Laura pulled her phone out the front pocket of her bag, shooting off a quick text to Jean and Natasha, informing them that she got home. Although, she was sure Jean was already aware. The telepath was always checking in on her, making sure she was okay. The brunette was quick to shut off the phone completely before returning it to the go-bag. She didn't like using phones, but they were a necessity for missions. The ringers were loud and annoying. Phone calls were even more of a strain on her ears, the static, and piercing rings very apparent. In her case, they did more harm than good.

She began the process of peeling off her costume as best she could while walking, managing to wiggle one arm out of the form-fitting material before halting. Suppressing a laugh, she distantly examined the person-shaped lump currently lying across the sofa. Its breathing was calm and rhythmic, the rise and fall, the only indication of life from how still it was lying under the many quilts.

Laura worked the suit down to her hips, leaving her in a black tank top. Cautiously, as not frighten the lump, she kneeled and placed a hand on what she thought to be the creature's shoulder. The fabric began to contort as it moved. Laura pulled back the blankets, evoking a small squeak at the sudden intrusion of light. She smiled at the sight before her. Gabby, long hair disheveled, squinting up at her with a line of drool across her cheek. Her school clothes were wrinkled so heavily that Laura knew Gabby was going to receive a lecture from whoever was in charge of laundry this week.

The young girl's sleepy expression did not last long, once she realized who'd woken her. She tumbled off the couch and into Laura, tightly hugging her chest, face buried in her neck. "Hey Gabby," The older laughed, reciprocating her embrace with the little remaining strength she had. Gabby said, "I missed you so much," "It was only a week," Laura chuckled. Gabby looked at her, her brown eyes impeccable replicas of Laura's, "It felt like more than a week," There was a pout on her face that tugged at Laura's heartstrings more than she liked to admit. She affectionately rubbed the younger's shoulders, "Come on Gabs, don't do that to me," Gabby relinquished her grip but stayed in the cage of Laura's bent legs. They were just a small reach away from each other. She knew Gabby liked it when they were close. Some called it clingy. Laura preferred to think of it has endearing. "You know I didn't want to go," That was a lie. Laura was thrilled to work with the Avengers again. But Laura was determined to wipe that pout off her sister's face. "But the Avengers needed my help,"

Gabby fiddled with her fingers, eyes avoiding Laura's at all costs. She had some apprehension. The girl had something to say, but either couldn't or was too embarrassed to admit it.

Laura lifted Gabby's chin so that they were looking into each other's eyes once again, "What's wrong, Gabby?" The 13-year-old gave the most sorrowful look Laura had ever seen on her innocent face, "Do you like them more than me?" "The Avengers?" Gabby gave a small nod in response. "Gabrielle," Her sister's full name was reserved for only the most genuine of moments when Laura wanted her to understand the sincerity of what she was saying. "Of course I don't, why would you ever think that? I love you more than anything,"

She hated seeing Gabby like this, all sad and doubtful. Her sister was the happiest, most optimistic kid she'd ever known. But now her innocent features were dejected, and her eyes were shiny with tears that threatened to brim. Laura's heart was aching and heavy, guilt pinging through her like a pinball machine.

"Natasha," Gabby spoke so quickly and quietly, if it weren't for her enhanced hearing, Laura would have never caught it. She sighed, an awe of realization passing through her in waves. She rubbed a calloused thumb across her sister's tan cheek, making sure to speak as softly and calmly as possible, "Just because Natasha and I are dating doesn't mean I love you any less," "Do you love her more than me?" The girl asked, finally looking up at her. Laura gave a reassuring smile, "I love you both, equally. But, the way I care for Natasha is different," Gabby gave a confused expression, brow furrowing adorably. Laura was quick to resolve her confusion, "I love you, platonically, and I love Natasha, romantically," She paused briefly to read Gabby's expression before continuing, "Now that doesn't mean I love either one of you more than the other. It just means that the way I love each of you is different,"

All seemed resolved, the discouraged mug replaced with the usually cheery one. But, there was a mysterious glint in those brown eyes that had Laura worried.

Gabby opened her mouth to speak again, except now there was a pout on her face. The pout that she knew bent Laura to her will, "Why're you away so much?" Her voice was that soft, innocent tone that could break Laura apart immediately. It was a cheap shot using both the pout and that voice, and Gabby knew it was. She was fishing for something.

Laura chose her next words carefully. If she knew her sister, and she bet she did, she was going to guilt Laura into doing something, Laura simply didn't know what that something was yet. She went in subtly at first, making sure that Gabby was off guard, mind clouded with the allusion of victory, "When I'm away it is to help my friends with problems they have trouble solving," She rubbed her thumb across the young girl's face once again, "Also, Natasha is a new addition to my life, and I want to make sure that she knows I care about her," Laura paused one more time, allowing what she said to sink in before she went in for the kill, "But if you dislike me dating her so much, I guess I can call things off," Laura knew it was a low, but so was what Gabby did. You know what they say, fight fire with fire, or in this case, guilt-trip with guilt-tripping.

Gabby turned her head away from Laura's stroking gesture, suddenly entranced with sofa. She knew she'd been found out, caught in the midst of deception. "No, I don't want you to do that," She kicked a socked foot tenderly against Laura's booted one. The older chuckled, rubbing the younger's arm in an attempt to show she wasn't mad.

There was a beat of silence before Gabby spoke, and when she did her tone had shifted into a hopeful, devious one, that both perplexed and terrified Laura, "Maybe if I met the Avengers I wouldn't feel so bad about you leaving,"

Laura cursed herself silently. Gabby had won, and she knew it, the coy, but still adorable smile on the 13-year-old's face said so. Laura stood, knees cracking as she did. She looked down at her sister and couldn't help but laugh at the puppy eyes staring right back at her. She sighed out, "Gabrielle, do you want to meet the Avengers?"

A piercing squeal erupted from the child, causing Laura to cringe slightly. She giddily wrapped her arms around Laura's waist, hugging her as tightly as she could. "Thank you, Laura!" She said, face buried in the older's stomach. Laura reciprocated the embrace with a gentle pat to the young girl's back.

Laura couldn't help but smile as she watched her sister run laps around the apartment, joyously chanting, "I'm gonna meet the Avengers!"

She sighed, eyes following Gabby around the room, "What have I done?"

[ohdearden]

IC PORTION; BASICS —

CHARACTER NAME/ALIAS: Mia Dearden / Speedy (the second)

FACECLAIM: Ester Exposito

AFFILIATIONS: Team Arrow, Teen Titans, the Nomads

AGE (physical age as well, if different): 23

SPECIES (human, metahuman, alien, etc): Human

IS YOUR CHARACTER’S IDENTITY SECRET OR PUBLIC? Secret

IF SECRET, OR YOUR CHARACTER IS A CIVILIAN, DO THEY HAVE A CIVILIAN OCCUPATION? Mia is new in town, and is currently focusing her efforts on aid work. She’s working hard at learning the language so that she can be of more assistance, and potentially work in town in the future.

IF YOUR CHARACTER LIVES IN THE FORTRESS, WHAT ARE THEIR DUTIES? Refugee outreach, and whatever else she might be decent at. She’s happy to help out, but can’t cook for shit.

DESCRIBE SIX TRAITS (3 positive, 3 negative) YOUR CHARACTER HAS AND HOW THESE AFFECT THEM: + Empathetic and caring: Mia, having been through as much as she has, has a strong push to help others. She has trouble turning people who need help away, and will often find herself reaching for a way to help them. She worked at the community center back home to help youth at a disadvantage (much as she had been herself), and found time to spare to volunteer time at the domestic violence shelter as well. + Bold: Mia is unafraid and outgoing, making her personality very loud and bold. She’s unafraid to speak her mind, and is often quite blunt and straight to the point. She speaks to people easily (though making friends is another matter) and is always one to make her presence known. Mia has never been one to slip through the cracks unless it was by personal choice. Mia is best described as an extrovert, and has trouble containing her feelings whether they’re positive or negative. + Determined: Mia more or less forced her way into being Speedy, which is a surefire show of her determination. Once she sets her mind on something, she will achieve it. Mia has no problems setting goals for herself and setting up steps to get to these goals (yet she struggled with school, ironic). It is hard to sway her away from an idea once she gets her mind set to it. - Stubborn: Hand in hand with determined goes stubborn. Once Mia has her opinion set on something, it’s hard to sway her opinion otherwise. She’s unfortunately very hard to persuade out of her opinions, and once she’s got her mind set on something it’s often set in stone. Even when she can feel herself losing, Mia struggles with letting things go. Hard-headed was the term her mother always used, along with the phrase stubborn as a donkey. - Angry and Confrontational: Considering everything Mia has gone through in her life, having a solid angry streak is something that had been more or less unavoidable. She has a temper that’s quick to ignite, and she often has trouble bringing herself down once it’s sparked. Mia has the type that can go from 0-100 very quickly, though not at all the other way around. Mia is the type that enjoys confrontation, and it’s something she thrives in. Arguments are her specialty, and not something she will back down from. She is certainly not the type to let things go, and would rather argue until she was blue in the face. She would much rather deal with things now rather than later (and cannot understand why people would rather just let things fester). - Defiant & Rebellious:The word ‘no’ is a trigger word for Mia. Being told she cannot do something makes Mia want to do it all the more, and she is even more likely to try once she’s been told she shouldn’t. Rebellion is something that runs deep, even if she (sometimes) tries to fight it. Sometimes with reasoning she’s able to understand the no, but it’s hard to swallow down the urge to do it anyway.

POWERS AND/OR ABILITIES: Mia excels in archery and acrobatics. The latter came in handy in her time on the streets, and the former is a well-honed and learned skill. Mia is quick and discreet, and able to slip through crowds with ease. Mia has become proficient in swordsmanship and hand-to-hand combat as well. While she is capable of close-range fighting with mixed-martial-arts abilities, she prefers to keep her fighting from a distance when given the option. She’s also a damned good pick-pocket, but well, that’s neither here nor there.

WEAKNESSES: Her immune system is absolutely garbage, and she tends to take a bit longer to heal than she’d like. She tries to be careful to keep herself in proper health, and does her best to avoid injury. As best as a crime-fighting vigilante can, anyway.  Her inability to keep her damn mouth shut can definitely be considered a weakness as well.

WHAT DREW YOU TO THIS CHARACTER? Mia is a goddamn *rockstar.* She was absolutely groundbreaking for the comic book industry considering her positive status, and her persistence is something I admire. Mia has a fighting spirit and doesn’t really take no for an answer, which is something I absolutely love about her. She’s also not exactly popular in the rpc, and I adore her.

IC PORTION; DETAILS —

WHAT BROUGHT YOUR CHARACTER TO SOKOVIA? Honestly? A bleeding heart. Mia always felt too damn much, especially when it came to people in need. The events that transpired in Sokovia had made her nauseous. It didn’t take long for her to get wind of the Nomads, and Mia thought maybe she could be of use, someway or another. 

DID THEY SIGN THE ACCORDS? WHY OR WHY NOT? Absofreakinglutely not. The Green Arrow didn’t sign either, and that would be enough reason for Mia to be deterred in the first place. All in all, Mia did not agree with the Accords whatsoever. Vigilantes existed because the law was imperfect, because sometimes there needed to be a little extra oomph applied when things just couldn’t get done legally speaking. 

PROVIDE 3-5 HEADCANONS RELATED TO YOUR CHARACTER: Despite her hatred of traditional schooling, Mia is an avid reader and educated in her own way. She hated the structure of school, hated having to interact with others her own age, hated having to get up before noon (and well, she’s always had an authority problem)...but she actually likes learning. She spends a lot of her downtime reading whatever she can get her hands on. Mia also enjoys video games, and may or may not stream herself playing at times via twitch or youtube. It’s an easy way to veg out and socialize without really socializing. Mia loves boxing, and does it often. She’s found it’s a good channel for frustration as well as a good way to train. In her apartment back in Star City, she has a punching bag set up in her living room and found herself at the community center often. Mia has an adrenaline rush addiction that she struggles with daily. She left her motorcycle back home in Star City, and finds she misses the rush of riding (way too fast) more than she thought she would. She’s looking into having it shipped, or finding a local one to fix up. Semi-related, she does all the maintenance on her motorcycle herself, having taught herself with repair manuals and youtube tutorials. MIa smokes like a chimney, though is trying very hard to quit. She knows it’s not the best idea, considering her health, but she just can’t help herself. She’s tried everything - the gum, the patches, replacing the habit with something else. She’s quit several times, but has always picked it back up again. 

WANTED CHARACTER CONNECTIONS: TEAM ARROW! Roy Harper, Oliver Queen, Dinah Lance: These are Mia’s people. She might not necessarily always agree or get along with her adopted family, but Mia’s loyal to them to her very bones. She respects the Green Arrow and still affiliates herself with him, so I’m eager for interactions with a potential Oliver in the future. I’m also very eager for Arrow-lady interactions with Dinah! TEEN TITANS! Mia didn’t really have too-too much interaction with the Titans, but I’m excited for potential in Sokovia!

POTENTIAL CHARACTER ARCS: Give me Nomad things! Mia made the jump to help out in Sokovia more on a whim than anything. She’s very much a sidekick out of her element, but she wants to help. That being said, I could really see herself throwing herself into the local life? She would want to help on a smaller, more personal level. Help the kids with school, help rebuild someone’s house. She’s going to do her best to try to learn the language so she can potentially work in-town with the locals as well, maybe bartending. Maybe she can serve as kind of a liaison down the road?

CHARACTER BIO — (tw include: mentions of abuse, parental death, drug use/abuse, brief touchings on child exploitation/teen dating an older man/pedophilia, HIV)

Mia does not like to talk about her childhood. A quick overview would detail her father’s abuse of her mother, and her mother’s drug use. Her father used too, but drinking was more his style. Next would be her mother’s death when she was young. Her father’s abuse then turned to her instead, which she was forced to tolerate for several years. She was eleven when she ran away from home. Mia decided that she would sooner take her chances on the street than stay in that house any longer, and unfortunately, that was the fate she found. Living on the streets was still favorable to living at home, but it wasn’t without struggles. Mia was hungry more often than not, and often couldn’t sleep in the same place for more than a few nights in a row. A smaller-than-average homeless eleven-year-old certainly did bring in some sympathy donations, but it was never enough. The shelters in Star City were often full, and eleven was much too young to even consider a hotel or an apartment. She was twelve when she met Richard, who was over twice her age, and that was when things took a spin for the worse. She thought he loved her, he promised to take care of her, and she was too young and desperate (with very skewed feelings of what love was after all she’d lived through)  to realize this was just abuse of a different kind.She was with him for over a year - sometimes out on the streets again, sometimes holed up in a seedy motel and for a few months, a scuzzy apartment. Richard gave her a taste of the drugs that had taken her mother, and Mia suddenly understood why her mother had been so willing to do whatever it took just to get high. But before long Mia was wondering when she would escape this, when things would get better, and thought maybe it would be better to be on her own again. He wouldn’t let her, the abusive pattern she’d survived as a child returning. Dependent on him for shelter, food and drugs, Mia felt more trapped than she ever had. Until she was saved by the Green Arrow. Mia immediately had adoration for the man that saved her life, and she felt ever-indebted to him for helping to get her off the streets, clean herself up and piece together her life. While he was reluctant at first, Mia began to train with him. This gave her life a purpose that she’d never had before, and Mia found herself feeling better than she ever had. She learned she excelled at archery with a little bit of training, and the scrappy fighting skills she’d adopted on the streets became more defined as she learned hand-to-hand combat skills. When not training or in school (something she fought tooth and nail), Mia spent the majority of her free time volunteering and later working at the Star City Recreational Center, and later the domestic violence shelter in town. Mia fantasized of eventually becoming a sidekick to the Green Arrow, even though he squashed that idea from the start. She would persuade him some way, somehow. Mia had just started to feel stable for the first time in her life when things took a downward spiral. It had started with a fever and just general feelings of illness, though things progressively got worse. She finally dragged herself into the clinic in Star City, and would find that things were much worse than she ever could have thought. What she thought was the flu turned out to be HIV, a permanent reminder of the mistakes she’d made and her time on the streets. The doctor assured her that while serious, the diagnosis was not the death sentence it had once been. If Mia was responsible and took the prescribed medications and took precautions, then her prognosis was very promising. HIV wasn’t curable, but controllable. And well, Mia had already been pretty successful at taking control of her life. If anything, her diagnosis was even more of a push for her to become the sidekick she dreamed of being. It took persuasion, but Mia finally donned the title of Speedy (the second), the sidekick to the Green Arrow. She took care to extra-hone in on her long distance fighting skills in hopes to avoid close-contact fighting and end up in a potentially extra-hairy situation. With Oliver’s insistence, Mia joined up with the Teen Titans.T his was done reluctantly, and Mia did not stay with the Titans long. She did, however, feel comfortable enough with them to disclose her status, and occasionally returned to help them on missions. Her passion was with Team Arrow, and that was made even more clear when working with others. The events at Sokovia were devastating, and MIa struggled with her decision making process for quite some time. She’d always been interested in refugee work - as she’d gotten older she volunteered with the Red Cross as well as with various agencies around Star City. The innate instinct to help those in need was strong, and it was pulling her towards Sokovia. Speedy was helpful, sure, but Mia was fairly certain that her experiences as Mia Dearden might be more helpful when it came to the situation at hand. She knew what it felt like to have your world falling apart, and she was more than happy to help others put their pieces back together.

EXTRAS —

Myers-Briggs: ESTP Hogwarts House: Gryffindor Zodiac: Aries Sin: A tie between Wrath and Pride

[blindtaleteller]

Preferred Exerpts: DREAMS - CH.5  - STRANGE

Have I ever mentioned how much  love Wong and Steven’s relationship?

Chapter Five was actually my first time reaching for Wong at all past a brief mention, but I enjoyed it tons, and that section in particular; with the bonus chapters to preceding chapters filing in after. I knew Strange would have a pretty important role in Mixology early on. And why wouldn’t he, when the first time the multiverse and alternate realities and dimensions was thrown unashamedly in our faces with his appearance?

Doctor Strange is by far one of my favorite films out of the MCU, as well as the one I feared most for before it finally hit theaters and I got to see it, because I -was- a comics fan familiar with the crazy content they would or at the time could be touching: and was earnestly scared for them just being aware of the fact that if the formula had been the slightest bit off it would have been a terrible failure.

I kept away from teasers and trailers for that reason; but couldn’t keep from the art and promo pics.. which kept my hope up especially seeing an actor I was familiar with and excited to see (Cumberbatch) in the main role.

Don’t think I have to say it did way better than not disappointing. Enough that when it was available for purchase, I bought it instantly and regardless of the fact that it (irresponsible me) put me short on my phone bill due that same week to watch it about a half dozen times in just the first few days that followed.

Anyways! I ended that bit happy with the whole section? But I think out of it all this portion is probably my favorite for a lot of reasons; some of which touch on examples of Wong’s statement just after he reveals the Time stone for what it was..

“ You might have a gift for the mystic arts, but you still have much to learn. “

Enjoy!

                ~----LK aka blind

-------------------------------=================

“ The Ancient One. It was a common, oft repeated lecture.. Why are you looking at me like that? “  Was it, now.

                          “ Because I never heard it from  her . “ Pulled a very confused look from Wong as he picked up the Eye of Agamotto and opened it, examining the inside. “ I heard it from  Loki . It was a part of yesterday’s courtesy broadcast. The one they were listening to during the call, to ask them why he was in rural Missouri, instead of being kept under watch at the Crater. “ He turned it around, after looking through the inside. “ ..where the  hell,  is this stick. “

   “ What? “

       “ The macula; is the portion of the human eye at the center of the retina that processes sharp, clear, straight-ahead vision. A little indention at the inner back side of your eyeb-- “  What was that?  Wong opened his mouth, and Strange held up a finger; before tapping it at the back side. He flipped it over again, trying the same tap at the inside from the other direction. “ Has anyone ever taken this thing apart? “

       “  Stephen.  The Eye of Agamotto is  thousands  of years  old. It belonged to the Master who created our order, and the Sanctums; making it much more than a  pretty box  for a cosmic  glow-rock.  No.  We did not, and hopefully  will not ever  take it apart. “

“ Sorry but uh; did you just look at me, and basically say ... never?  “ Hand raised.  Crack, and:  ping-ping .

Wong closed his eyes at the ceiling with the expected look of agitation and intense exasperation, for all of maybe a second or two; when he finally realized there had been two tones to that back shiny panel coming off. Not one.  Yeah , he had just broken open a thousands of years old rock-locket and symbol belonging to the Masters of the Mystic Arts for  ages  and  generations  before even his great great grandad had been a sparkle in  his  daddy’s eyes. But  hey  , and “ Oh  gee , look. “ He held up the weird looking little polished flat stick with metal bits on either end: one a strange molded square hook thing, the other a loop on the end. “  There’s  the stick in our eye. See? “ was met with a sigh, before he turned it over. And over. “ O~kay. The hell kind of stick is this, Wong? Some kind of mini-wand, or funky faery poker.. What am I looking at here? “

It was Wong’s turn to rub his eyes, apparently. Doing a good job of it too. Steady fingers, dug right in there under his eyebrows.  Show off.  “ That isn’t a stick. It’s a key. “

   “ A  key?  Doesn’t look like a key.. “

               “ Maybe not to a westerner. But here in the  east? This what old keys look like. “  Wow. He totally could not help the look of disbelief on that one.

“ O kay.  Note to self;  never  hire an ancient asian locksmith, Stephen.  What?  It’s a stick Wong. With a  hook  on it. “ Nasty look. Temptation to screw with him a little, rising. “  Okay, okay; two hooks. This could be stuck in the right end of a tiny  popsicle, and no one would  ever know  . My mom? Had a bag  full  of these in tupperware, stuffed into the side of her silver drawer next to the fridge when I was a kid. “

That was true though. “ Used to fill them with kool-aid, and just; plunk ‘em right in. Freezer for a few hours.. done deal. “ He couldn’t think of a damned thing off hand that this fit though. “ ..any ideas? “

“ Besides that it’s  a key, and not something you should be putting in your mouth unless it works some form of  silencing magic?  No. “

“ That one wasn’t bad. “ as he tapped the back in place as best he could and put the Eye back into its mount. And, we’re ignoring the fact that panel fell off as soon as he was around the pedestal.  Will fix later. Maybe. Probably, if I don’t want Wong hovering over me for the next ever giving me the stink eye.  “ Right. So.. ‘Beyonce never moves; always stays in the same place.’ Think we got that one but, we’ll see. ‘A stick in the macula.’ “ he hopped the boozy-pop handle between his knuckles as he thought mostly out loud. “  All that’s left is ‘Say hello to Mister Carroll.’ “

   “ You’re forgetting the horse. “ made him shake his head. He knew exactly what that was. Who, that was. “ Nope. I know that one. Don’t know that it’s great advice I’m giving me, but we’ll just have to find out. “

“ Care to share? “

   “ Soon enough. Do we have any Carrolls, among the new recruits? “

   “ No, definitely not. “

   “ ..that was fast. “

   “ Stephen.  Mystic Arts. Not, a  pottery  class. There are  seven. None of them are named Caroll. “

--------------------=======

Read DREAMS directly from chapter Five here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19248328/chapters/45906589

[perhapsitmaybedragons]

God’s a Right Bastard, But Then So Am I

I am very productive lately. It’s a nice change of pace.

As always, AO3 link here:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26633029/chapters/65660857

Or continue reading below:

Chapter 7

Pepper shouldered her backpack as she, Wensleydale, and Brian got out of Wensleydale's parents' car. The Them were immediately heading for Hogback Wood. They had all briefly wondered earlier where Adam was but had come to the joint conclusion that he must have fallen ill. And while they felt bad for him the kids were still keen to get to their games. School had been a long slog and they all deserved a break.

Besides, Wensleydale had gotten extra copies of the homework and planned to drop it off with the Youngs right before dinner.

“Anyway,” Brian said as though the conversation had never been interrupted, “I figure the Ninja Turtles could prob'bly take the Transformers.”

“So you keep saying,” Pepper complained, “But Optimus Prime could just ..step on them and then they're done for, right?”

“Actually,” Wensley interjected, hurrying to catch up with them “Optimus is a good guy, so he wouldn't fight the Ninja Turtles, I think.”

“Nah, you're missing the first rule of cross overs,” Brian insisted. Brian's comic book collection was growing lately and he was starting to form Opinions on the whole subject. “First rule is if they meet they gotta fight. That's why there was that Batman versus Superman movie that no one liked. First they fight, then they become friends.”

“We're not talking about it like it's going to happen!” Pepper was exasperated. “Obviously that's what would happen if they met in a comic book. I mean if they really were going to fight each other-”

“Now what are you youngsters getting up to?” The Them stopped short. Adults stopping them on their way to the woods or on the way to make mischief was nothing new. But this wasn't R.P. Tyler stopping them while on a walk with his dog or any of the mums who would sometimes fuss at them.

There was an inkling of recognition there, but none of the three could place the gentleman. He smiled at them. Brian and Pepper stopped and studied him, but Wensleydale took a step back. “Sorry sir,” he said, “But who are you?”

“Gabriel,” The smile grew wider. It was making all three of them uncomfortable. Right now Gabriel was basking – the kids weren't able to remember him due to a subtle manipulation on his part. And coming across all three at once like this? Perfect. “You know, I'm actually new here. And I just opened up an ice cream shop,” he twisted a bit and pointed in the direction of the town square. “Officially we open tomorrow but I was just thinking ...you know, it would really be a great idea to get some of the locals' perspective first. Make sure the flavors are uh...”

“Good?” Brian supplied.

“Yes, that would be best, right? Having good ice cream,” Gabriel said appreciatively.

“I mean, it's ice cream,” Wensleydale was still hanging behind the other two. He wasn't afraid, exactly, but something about Gabriel was setting him on edge. “Is it possible for it to be bad?”

“I've heard about there being places in America with like ...garlic ice cream,” Pepper made a face. “You don't have that, right?”

“No, no, not at all. I have all sorts of flavors. If you kids want to come on down? It's just a short walk, you could follow me.”

Smart children should never listen to strange men they meet in the woods (or in this case, right outside of the forest). And normally, the Them were in fact smart children. A little brash and impulsive, yes, but not dumb.

But none of them saw Hastur lurking just beyond, hidden behind a tree. As a demon, temptations were naturally a specialty. And Gabriel's own angelic powers were working in concert to remove the doubt and fear.

“I don't think we -” Pepper started to decline, but Hastur's manipulations were taking hold. “Actually, I can't see any reason not to follow this strange man we just met to go get ice cream.”

“I agree,” Brian said almost woodenly. “We should follow him immediately and without letting an adult know where we're going.”

Wensleydale said nothing. Part of his mind remained unconvinced, but his feet were also moving so that all of the kids were now following Gabriel. If anyone in town saw the group it didn't occur to any of them that something strange was going on.

They came to a shop at the village square with a large sign proclaiming it “ParadIce Cream”. An old style neon sign in the shape of an ice cream cone lit up as the group approached. The door swung open and Gabriel herded them in, taking one last glance around to make certain no one else was watching.

Beelzebub was behind the counter, slicing into the apple pie Gabriel had brought by earlier. Beelzebub plopped a slice on a plate and then scooped out a large portion of ice cream. They repeated this until there were three plates of apple pie, each with a scoop of solid white ice cream on top.

“Can't forget the drizzles,” Gabriel set one slice of pie before each kid, then removed three vials from the inner lining of his suit jacket. He poured the entire contents onto one of the slices then moved on to the next vial and the next slice of pie until all three were now covered in a drizzle. “Eat up, kids,” He handed them each a spork.

The moment they touched their utensils to the ice cream each scoop took on a change. Pepper's became a deep, violent red. Wensleydale's already white ice cream somehow became even brighter. Brian's took on a sludgy looking gray color. If they noticed they didn't say anything. They just ate in silence.

“You're sure they're good for this?” Beelzebub asked, watching them for a moment.

“They're perfect. What's more, they're the Anti-Christ's friends. If he wants them back-”

“Then he'll have to help us,” Beelzebub concluded. “But how will this get the kids to have the powers and get them to work with us? Seems like a lot to hinge on some brats.”

“It's beyond a demon's comprehension.”

It wasn't. Most anyone could follow it. The true difference between humans, angels and demons is that the first humans ate of the Fruit of Knowledge – that apple that Adam and Eve bit into at Crowley's urging. Angels – and demons too, for that matter – had basically had to figure it out for themselves based on what God modeled for them.

But the apple had granted humans the ability to know right from wrong. But as rules get more complex and society has changed the knowledge originally passed down genetically may no longer be right. Everything got all muddled and it's no longer clear. Not without some perspective.

So, a recipe to restart Armageddon:

Take three kids – and the age is important here, because their brains haven't fully formed yet – and give them one of the apples of Eden. Right now, every good thing and every bad thing is playing in their heads like an old time newsreel, coming in so quickly that they can barely comprehend what they're seeing.

In addition to the apple, take the essence of temptation and doubt and pour all over the Eden apple pie (the ice cream just helps it go down more smoothly and to help the store's cover of being an ice cream shop. Can't have an ice cream shop without ice cream or the few humans paying attention might notice something was off).

They were almost done eating now, their movements mechanical. Even hypnotized, Brian managed to spill some on his shirt. He came to momentarily, dabbed at it and then stole a bite of Pepper's ice cream to make up for it.

“Hey!” she snapped out as well, just for a moment. She elbowed him in the rib cage before both of them resumed eating.

Once they'd all polished off the last of it, all three of them passed out, their heads on the table.

“What do we do with them until we're ready to start?” Thinking ahead on things had never been Hell's strong suit, so Beelzebub figured Gabriel must have a plan.

“How the hell should I know? That's your problem now.” And with that, Gabriel disappeared.

“Bastard,” Beelzebub muttered.

After heavenly intervention to make Mr. and Mrs. Young see that their son staying with an older man they hardly knew was, in fact, a terrific idea, Adam was now gearing down and trying to figure out where he was going to sleep. He'd wanted to go back to Crowley's place, but the demon had said no.

“It's safer for him here,” Crowley insisted. Aziraphale had gone along with it, but made it very clear he expected more information from the demon as soon as possible.

“What aren't you telling me?”

“Nothing!”

“Oh?”

“...That I can tell you right now,” Crowley's resolve broke almost instantly. “Just let me try to handle my part. It's a lot and I don't quite have all the pieces fit together yet.”

“We could help!” Adam suggested. “I bet the three of us together could figure it all out. Wensleydale's got all these detective books and I'm great at figuring out what happened and who did it.” He wasn't. Adam just didn't know he was rubbish at it because he never bothered to read the pages at the back of the book that explained the solutions. Even if he had, he would have preferred his own explanations.

“Might be worth it to give it a go,” Aziraphale agreed. “If you keep things from me, however will I help you?”

There was nothing for it. Crowley made them both promise to sit tight and then had run out, saying he'd be back shortly. When he came back Aziraphale and Adam were sitting in the backroom which now had a plush couch (which Adam occupied) and two lounge chairs (one of which Aziraphale was sitting in – the other was presumably for Crowley). Aziraphale offered him a cup of tea, not realizing his hands were full.

“Oh! The gramophone I gave you!” Aziraphale sounded delighted. “So glad you like it-”

“That's not why I brought it,” Crowley said darkly, setting it up on the coffee table that Aziraphale must have miracled up while he'd been gone. “Oi, start talking,”

“About what?”

“Not you, Angel! She knows who I'm talking to!”

 Aziraphale is still an angel. There may be a recording of this conversation now.

Aziraphale dropped his tea cup. It shattered on the floor, the tea running every which way and staining the carpet. He was too in shock to clean it up. “...God?” He croaked.

 Yes. Hello, Aziraphale. It's been a while.

“Yes, I'd say it has,” he pulled at his shirt collar nervously before turning his attention back to Crowley. “How long have you been talking to Her?”

“It's not like this was my idea!”

“Crowley!”

“I didn't invite Her to my place, had no clue She could do this. She just comes in without a … just wants me to do whatever She asks and I've got to do it, don't I? Can't say no to Her, can I? Damned for all time and yet somehow, someway, She could probably make it worse.”

“Crowley,” Aziraphale pinched the bridge of his nose. “I am not blaming you for this. I just want to know how long.”

“Ask Her!”

 The day of Crowley's birthday. So not long. A few days. ...Happy birthday to both of you, by the way.

“It wasn't even actually my birthday,” Crowley had gone into full fit mode. “And some present you are, anyway. Just show up and start demanding things of me and not even telling us....go on, tell them what you told me.”'

“Is that really God?” Adam sat forward and poked at the gramophone. “I just thought the voice would be deeper...”

“Too many movies,” Aziraphale said dismissively. “But...Lord, if you would be so kind as to explain yourself?”

A sustained sigh came through the gramophone. I needed someone who could act as a free agent. As you know, when I speak to angels things are recorded in the Records Room. If I speak to Humans, they're recorded in the Prayer Room.

“But there's no one listening in to you talking to demons,” Aziraphale was quick on the uptake. “Which means if you spoke to Crowley then no one would be recording.” he turned his gaze in his friend's direction. “Why would you bring Her here? This conversation is going to be recorded now!”

“I know that, but would you have believed me otherwise? Would anyone have? 'Oh, Aziraphale, by the way, God's talking to me and She's using the gramophone you gave me.'. I still remember how that bit went down for Joan of Arc, don't forget!”

“I was there, too, I remember,” Aziraphale frowned. “I see your point. But I like to think I would have believed you. No point in wondering now.”

“No, there isn't. And She is going to tell you the absolute worst part of this whole thing, the part She was hiding from me. Aren't you?”

 Yes, Crowley. As we agreed. Aziraphale. ...Guardian of the East Gate. I can no longer see all of Heaven, nor can I peer into all of Hell.

“I'm sorry, what was that?” Judging by how big his eyes were, Crowley figured Aziraphale had heard her just fine. “Crowley, I must have misunderstood Her. It sounds like you're both saying that God ...can't see what the angels or demons are up to anymore.”

“That is exactly what She's saying.”

 It's true. I don't know how they managed, but they did. As I told Crowley – I can get a feel for about where they're at and snippets of what they may be doing. But it's no longer clear to me. I can't tell you how to stop them because I can no longer figure out what exactly there is to stop. Just that they're planning something.

“Ah. Well... That is...” Aziraphale stammered for a while. “Disappointing, to say the least.”

“Disappointing? Disappointing?! This is the Alpha and Omega admitting she doesn't know shit!”

“Language in front of the child!”

“I've heard worse,” Adam offered. “A lot worse. Like-”

Aziraphale cut him off before he could finish. “We managed last time. We can do it again, right?”

Crowley sighed. “I dunno. But I'm guessing we have to try, right? No just running off to the stars?”

“That will be Plan B. But for now...why don't you,” he looked at the gramophone, “Both of you, tell me everything that you do know for now. Then we'll start working on Plan A.”

[charlottestarchild]

Abuela Ayahuasca

I think it was about 3 or 4 years ago when I read about Ayahuasca in Time Magazine for the first time. What was described there sounded far from appealing or spiritual. The piece was about a Ayahuasca center somewhere in New York I believe, where groups of 20 people would come together to take the medicine and then all vomit into their buckets during the process. 

Since then, I came across Ayahuasca a couple of times in various conversations. One very good friend of mine started talking to me about it about a year ago and described it as a beautiful experience that heals the body and the mind. Slowly I started thinking that maybe there is more to it than the image of a group of people barfing violently I had carried in my mind since reading that article. 

But I was hesitant. I had been dealing with depression and burn out for a few years and I knew I was carrying a lot of baggage regarding my family, so I wasn’t sure if I wanted to open that “door” and see what’s behind it. By this description you can already tell what sort of an expectation I had. To me, taking Ayahuasca meant discovering something hidden. Something I didn’t know or wasn’t aware before. Like there was something locked down inside of me that was the reason for why I was just a shadow of myself, never enjoying the present moment, always ruminating. And if only I could open that door and see, everything would make sense and I would finally start to live my life. 

Another year passed and my friend told me that there would be a ceremony on the 27th of December. He mentioned it casually but I knew he mentioned it because he wanted me to go. He was certain it would be good for me. Heal my heart and align my mind. Well, that’s what I need right? It’s what I’ve been craving for. For someone or something to finally align my mind and stop me from overthinking every single bit and start to actually enjoy, treasure and value my life. 

So after a few weeks of sitting on the idea I decided to go for it. The only reason I was hesitating was because I was mortified of shitting my pants in front of other people or otherwise embarrass myself. And another part of me was afraid I would have an allergic reaction or lose my mind and come out of the experience a vegetable. But hey, no risk no fun. Maybe this is the step I need to take to be free. 

I asked my friend to sign me up and asked for some instructions. What to wear, what should I bring, should I stop eating at some point during the day? The first surprise was that the ceremony would go through the night starting 9pm and ending around 9am. Ok... one night in the jungle it is. I knew the place where the ceremony would be held. I had done a Temazcal there a few months back and thought it was a beautiful experience. I knew some of the people but was still nervous because my friend was not able to attend and be by my side (he didn’t have the money, 1500 pesos was just not in it for him right now). He assured me though that his family of friends would take could care of me. 

The day of the ceremony I felt slightly nervous. Still mostly worried I would end up in hospital. But at some point I decided to let go. I hitched a ride with another German who also went there and did it for the first time. What a comfort. 

We arrived and there was a circle of grass mats in a wide open area among beautiful trees. It was dark already so I couldn’t really see the faces of people and had no idea if I knew anyone or not. There was one familiar face though, a guy - super handsome - from the neighbouring village who met a year ago. I was pleasantly surprised that he remembered me. I sat next to the other German girl, who sat next to pretty guy and we waited for things to settle. It took quite some time and I’m guessing it took about 2 hours of sitting around before things started happening. 

The Shaman was from Ecuador and he came with a full entourage who were all sitting right next to us. His “wife and daughters” - which was puzzling me a bit because the 3 ladies right next to me all looked of the same age and it was hard to tell which was which. I could sense scepticism in the back of my head of the credibility of this bunch. One of the women had a small baby, I’m guessing 1 year old. 

The Shaman started explaining in Spanish and then translated a bit into English because there was one other foreigner among us. Me and the other German thought to speak enough to understand so we didn’t out ourselves as needing English translation. I felt a bit guilty for making the other foreigner feel like he’s the only one. Guess it would have made him feel better if he knew there’s other non native Spanish speakers. 

We were told that you always walk in a circle from left to right and usually you do a full circle before exiting the circe but because Ayahuasca is so strong and has its own ways it’s ok to just go from your place to the exit and back. One should still respect a few rules though, like not leaving the circle when chanting is going on and not crossing in front of someone who is barfing. There it was. Barfing. He said it. So that seems to be a thing indeed. 

He continued to explain that if you need to vomit you should do it straight in front of you. Apparently something to do with energy. Someone would then come and put soil on top of the vomit so not to worry. There would be two occasions where tobacco pipes will be smoked. In the beginning and the end of the ceremony and it is recommended to be present in the circle during those times. 

Ok. Leave the circle only from the inside walking left to the “exit” but not when someone is vomiting or chanting; if you need to vomit, just vomit. All clear. I think I’m ready.  

After quite a bit more talk and explanations on how the dry toilets work, the Shaman took the pipe and started saying his “prayers” and thank yous. Chanting started and then he would take the big glass jug filled with Bordeaux coloured liquid and start to distribute it going through the circle one by one, handing everyone a small shot glass full of the medicine. I’m 4th in line after the wife and 2 daughters. I take the glass, swallow the juice, it tastes bitter but not horrible. A small plate with slices of apple is passed on, apparently to help against the bitter taste. I chew on a slice. 

The Shaman walks the whole circle and serves everyone an equal portion of the medicine. And to my bewilderment, he also serves it to a few of the kids. I’m bad at guessing kids ages but I’d say they are around 8 or 9. I’m surprised, maybe a little shocked even. But hey, I’m not their parents and I’m not here to judge. I watch the Shaman finish the circle and sit down. We all sit in silence for a while and then the entourage starts chanting. 

At this point I’ve been sitting cross legged for probably 4 hours so I decide to lie down. 

I’m not sure how much time passes but suddenly I realize that I’m seeing things. My eyes are closed but I am surrounded by bright white light, more like I’m in an all bright white room and on the ceiling garlands of bright colors start to appear. Many colors, bright rainbow colors, it’s almost comic like, kind of what I always thought it must be to be on LSD. Once I realize that something is happening I force myself to open my eyes. I want to see what the world around me looks like high... So I slowly open my eyes, lying on my back on the ground and I look up towards the sky. I startle a little bit because the trees that are looming above me don’t look like trees anymore. They look more like woven nets or a mosaic made of geometrical shapes and they look like they’re looking at me, for a second I’m seeing a small monster sitting in the crown of the tree looking at me with curious eyes. I close my eyes again, gather some more strength and force myself to look again. And once I get over the initial scare I see how beautiful it looks. It’s a beautiful vision, hallucination and I start to smile at its beauty. Right that very moment when a smile forms on my lips a huge leave lands right on my face and I twitch to the side in shock and quickly wipe the leave off my face with my hand - we’re in the middle of the jungle after all, anything could have landed on my face. But it was just a leave and I start to relax again. I look up at the trees again and they still look beautiful. It’s a weird structure, kind of reminding me of the huichol beaded art that they sell here everywhere. There are no colors though, it’s almost only black and white. I smile again, smiling kind of takes an effort, I need to deliberately command my face muscles to “smile” and it feels like my face is made of rubber. 

After a while I decide that it’s time to get up. I can’t be sitting around all the time. So I make an effort to put myself up right to a sitting position. When I get up and look around it’s like everyone is in a trance, moving in wavy motions back and forth. The ground seems to be shifting as well. I think I hear someone barf. The whole scene is rather odd and I’m not sure I’m liking it. 

I sit upright for a while, looking around, looking at the fire in the middle of us. I can’t really tell for how long I sit there but at some point I feel like the hallucinations stopped and I have my wits together again. I look up at the sky, the trees and the trees just look like trees again. At some point I think I decide to lie down again. I’m feeling my body, kind of trying to see if I feel ill. But I seem to be feeling fine. Suddenly my stomach starts to squeeze but it’s not too bad. Then, lying down again, I start to feel different body parts, my legs, thighs, my hands, my face, it’s kind of tingling, numbing sensation. It feels kind of nice.  I think I’m drifting off into sleep. Suddenly I’m wide awake again and I feel incredibly drowsy and heavy. I thought I was done but out of the blue the medicine decided to kick me into the stomach. I am lying on my side and notice that I’m talking to myself in my head “I don’t want this anymore. Please, make it stop. I just want to go home. I don’t want this anymore”. I answer back to myself “stop whining, you wanted answers no try and live through this and make the best of it”. But my stomach isn’t having it and I realize I have to get to the toilet as soon as humanly possible. So in my utter delirium I get onto my feet and wobble out of the circle. It’s a miracle that I am not falling face flat into the flames of the fire pit that is right in front of me. I walk as fast as my legs carry me towards the dry toilet only to notice that it’s occupied. Fuck. Fuck it. I have to poop. I sit down next to the dry toilet building, pull down my pants just in time for explosive like poop to make its way onto the jungle floor. I squat on the ground and try not to wobble or topple over. I have no clue who is in the toilet and I couldn’t, literally, give less of a shit about that person hearing me shit loudly like I never shat before. At some point the person leaves the dry toilet and walks by me. I look to the floor for him or her not to see my face. I wipe my but with a piece of paper I find in my pants pocket and make my way into the now available dry toilet. But I’m done. I sit for a while and then get back to the circle, again wobbling like I’m made out of rubber, passing people vomiting (fuck the rule of not passing someone who is vomiting), I need to get back to my place and sit / lie down.  

I’m not sure what happens next. I think I fall asleep. I’m done. None of this is fun anymore. People left and right are barfing like there’s no tomorrow, loudly as if they’re throwing up their intestines. I feel sorry for them. 

I hear a baby crying. Right, one of the Shaman’s harem ladies had a baby with her. It’s crying. And someone is comforting it but it sounds like the person is doing it too harshly. I’m worried. And annoyed. How could someone be so irresponsible to bring a baby into this circle of hallucinations and projectile vomit? Everyone in the circle drank the Ayahuasca. Everyone. Not a single person stayed sober. What if someone needs help? Who would be able to drive to the hospital? All sorts of things could happen. 

The Shaman asks once or twice if anyone wants more Ayahuasca and a few people say yes. 

Some more time passes and I drift in and out of sleep. I think the worst part is over. I feel ok. Rather sober in fact. I listen to the chanting. It’s beautiful. Also the other people around me seem to be sobering up. 

The wife of the Shaman is walking around the circle with a fan made of eagle feathers, doing some cleansing ritual. When she’s done, she grabs the jug of Ayahuasca and proclaims that now, we will all have the last round of Ayahuasca and that, although not mandatory, it is strongly recommended that everyone takes some. She’s saying it in her rooster, cocky kind of way, kind of jokingly but with an authority that I don’t feel she deserves. 

She starts to make the round. I’ve made up my mind that I will not have any more of this devils potion. “No valio la pena” as the Mexican would say. Not worth it. I just got over feeling super shit and happy it’s over. So when she reaches me, I politely smile at her and say “no gracias”. She looks at me in astonishment and talks to me like I’m a small child, insisting I take some more. It’s just a little sip and I will be surrounded by beautiful flowers and love and I should have some. Have some. She pushes the shot glass in my face and push-over as I am, I take the glass and swallow the brew. I’m annoyed. This is my first time and a no should be a no. WTF. 

I’m only hoping that the tiny bit won’t really do much. And it actually doesn’t. No hallucinations and I only feel a little nauseous at some point. I don’t even need to poop. Well, how could I, there is no chance there’s anything left in my stomach. So after I feel safe that no further run to the bathroom is required I decide I’m ending this and go to sleep. I manage to sleep quite well. I even have a dream but I can’t remember what it was after waking up. 

The sky looks like we must be getting closer to sun rise. What a relieve. This feeling is confirmed by the Shaman preparing the tobacco pipe. “We will have two tobacco ceremonies - at the beginning and the end” he said. So this must be the end. He prepares the pipe, takes a puff and starts to talk. And talk. And talk. And talk. I am sure, some of it, if not a lot of it is lost in translation. But I’d like to believe that my understanding of Spanish is good enough by now to be able to tell that what he is saying is of absolutely no substance. All I hear is “let’s be grateful for our sea, mountains, trees, .... listing all possible natural elements.... for our family, our cousins, mothers, fathers, kids, .... listing all possible relatives... and he says that in various ways in what seems an endless loop. Finally he passes the pipe on to the next person. The wife of the owner of the land we’re on. And while I thought “well, she’s surely gonna cut it short since he was rambling for like ever, she too, goes into an endless monologue of gratefulness. I mean like, she talks for 15min non stop. 

I don’t want to sound like an asshole here but I am exhausted and all this talk really doesn’t speak to me. The few words that my friend Memo usually says during his Yoga classes seem so much more meaningful to me than this endless bla bla of statements that seem so utterly self explanatory that I just don’t see the point. This is preaching to the quire out of the books. 

After the pipe finally makes it’s way back to the Shaman it seems we’re nearing the end of the ceremony for real. We’re all awake now, nobody is barfing anymore and nobody seems to have taken any major damage. Even the baby and the kids are fine. 

Water is being passed around. Which again turns into a ritual of endless talking before the first person actually gets to take a sip. The person passing around the water is the owner of the land, my good friend Memo’s friend and the person Memo would say would also make sure that I am fine. When he finally gets to me and passes me the water, I make eye contact and say thank you for the water, we shake hands, say “buenas dias” like he did with everyone and he moves on. Wouldn’t it have been nice of him to ask “how are you? everything ok”. But no. He chit chatted with others but he didn’t seem bothered to inquire about my wellbeing. Fair enough.  

They’re inviting us to stay for the Temazcal which will be prepared within 1,5h but right now I think I just want to go home. Not even so much because I feel exhausted, but because I don’t feel comfortable. I don’t feel like anyone in this round was particularly interested in me feeling comfortable. After I came back from the bathroom, it seems my alarm went off and so my phone had been ringing. A lady pointed at my bag and snapped at me “your phone has been ringing for like 5min”. It’s 8.02 so as a matter of fact it had been ringing for 2min. Which can be annoying, I get it but the ceremony was over, people were standing around and chatting. It’s not like it went off in the middle of the ceremony. 

And besides, before ANYONE ELSE, it was the Shamans wife who took her phone out first thing after the ceremony officially ended. Give me a break. 

It’s funny how even in supposedly spiritual situations like this I study and analyze the people around me. Or more like, how some people stand out for better or worse. There was pretty guy, gay guy, red head gringo guy and there was the Colombian girl who so obviously wanted to be “teachers favorite” that it really annoyed me. The way and the kind of questions she asked and everytime the “mic would be opened to the public” meaning other people than the Shaman and his close circle could speak she would start to speak so fake poetically that I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. And of course at the end of her speech she would start crying. Oh my. 

But also the wife of the Shaman was, in my honest and very personal opinion, full of Bullshit. A pretty woman, no doubt, and very aware of it she would walk around the circle like a all too proud rooster. And at times, she would even interrupt the Shaman. I might have to give her benefit of doubt due to language barrier but sometimes she would bluntly interrupt the Shaman and she would kind of make a joke of what he had just said. You know, the kind of like when someone says “The sky is blue” and the other person kind of goes like “blue, eh?” as if to say “aren’t you just stating the obvious”. 

So what do I think about all this now that a few days have passed? I think my conclusion is that it was an interesting but not a very nice experience. 30 people are way too many people to have an intimate experience. Sure, if you know all 30 and consider them your friends then you might feel alright and comfortable. But for a stranger, it really didn’t work. Neither did I feel save, nor particularly welcome or taken care of. And some things just seemed like bullshit too me. At least I didn’t feel like it was an authentic experience. Maybe if the Shaman would have been on his own yes, but the whole entourage around him - I didn’t get that. I don’t understand for example how his wife had the authority to pass around the medicine. She liked her role way too much and that’s the problem. She was playing a role. 

As for the actual medicine. It wasn’t worth the trouble. The little hallucinations I had didn’t feel spiritual in any way. I didn’t feel like I learned something new about myself or felt more connected to nature in any way. And just for some pretty rainbow colors and monsters in trees I don’t need to be surrounded by barfing people for a whole night. 

I also couldn’t really say that it would have helped me afterwards with any of my conditions. Quite the opposite. I found myself propelled back into a major depression, my skin issues flaring up again big time. Things I had worked hard to get over and instead of helping me progress I felt I made 5 steps back. 

All in all, I don’t regret having done it but definitely feel like I could have spent my time and money more wisely. Maybe I’ll just get a nice massage next time. 

[drink-n-watch]

We got somewhat buried in snow over the last few days. Actually, it’s not that impressive. It’s really a perfectly average amount of snow for February in Quebec and far from the huge snow storm they’ve been promising. In fact, it’s been sort of light on snow this year. In any case, it’s now a bright and sunny day and the gleaming, undisturbed white snow is reflecting everything so the glare coming through the window is crazy. You know that particular quality of sunlight off snow. It’s super sunny and cheerful and you can just tell it’s freezing outside. It’s a good day to stay indoors and watch anime. And this was a great episode for the occasion I might add. Before we get into it, how are you Crow?

Also, just so I don’t make him do it every time. This is a discussion of episode 80 of My Hero Academia. There will be some spoilers so if you haven’t seen it, you might want to do that first. Also, I will be taking plain text this week while Crow is in bold!

  I’m doing well, Irina. Thanks for asking! We just got a little snow here, too, but no sun. So it’s just gray outside. Weird snow, too — didn’t stick to the streets or sidewalks, but buried our cars. Well, my car. My wife’s car is in the garage.

Once more, the episode was essentially split into two halves. First off we needed to finish off that cliffhanger from last week. Bakugou and Todoroki, alongside Inasa and Camie are now faced with a gang of unruly superpowered children they need to rail in. This could have been a dicey situation, as we find out the childrens powers are way beyond that of past generations, but it was solved pretty quickly and thankfully without the need to explode any toddlers.

Our heroes simply created a playground for the kids using their own powers. They threw in a few tricks and a few pieces of advice here and there to calm the kids down. Before they knew it, they had won the class over and everyone was having a good time. It was an easy feel good scene, but it actually packed in a lot of world building and character development. Or rather it confirmed that development.

First we were introduced to the concept that powers are merging and evolving with each generation having more and more powerful quirks at younger ages. This could potentially become a serious problem as we have already seen the havoc that uncontrolled quirks can cause. And it’s a very interesting idea, this notion of a quirk event horizon. A point where so many individuals will have uncontrollably powerful quirks that they could viably wipe out a good portion of the population. Or alternatively that they would themselves not survive long enough to have children thereby creating a population crisis. In the MHA universe, it’s a credible premise that mankind could evolve itself into extinction.

That’s some pretty deep classic sci fi thought experiment. And it’s mighty sneaky of them to throw it into a narrative about the two most popular MHA pretty boys taking care of a bunch of kids. What do you make of it Crow?

It felt the same way to me — classic science fiction “what if.” I’ve often referenced Dune in my reviews, and I think there’s a case to be made that the scenario you just outlined, where the children don’t survive long enough to produce children, is something right out of the complex ecology of Arrakis. It’s almost like an evolutionary population control. Kids get too powerful for the world (or their parents) to contain? The population resets.

Overall, I thought it was an interesting concept, and a sign of a dynamic world. With Quirks becoming more unmanageable, something has to give. I think I would have liked to have seen some indication that the kids’ teacher, Komari Ikoma, was trying to come up with a new way to teach them; some way that indicated she and the teaching establishment she was a part of were trying to evolve new methods.

As for the character development part. The situation was resolved by using their quirks in a creative and cooperative way rather than a show of force. Each of them found the best way to do so according to their own skills. They knew how to capitalize on the opportunity once the kids started to be won over. But the idea started with Bakugou. More precisely, with Bakugou explaining that even if they do simply defeat the kids without hurting them too much, being defeated by someone you have no respect for is just humiliating and frustrating. It won’t win the kids over. They need to create a situation that the kids want to be part of.

First of all, that’s pretty smart, but Bakugou is supposed to be very intelligent. From the very first episode he has always been top of the class. In fact it’s nice to see it in action but it’s nothing new. What is new is that this particular bright idea can only come through empathy. Bakugou had to put himself in those kids’ place and that is not something he could have done in episode 1. Our little Baku is growing up. And it’s telling that he’s the only one that didn’t use his quirk at all. Just his words.

Also that advice he threw in “If you don’t stop looking down on others from high above, you’ll fail to notice your own weakness” (I’m paraphrasing here), hits close to home. It’s obvious that the events of the last two seasons have had an effect on him and it’s sinking in.

I feel a little bummed — I couldn’t find a name from the little ring-leader from Masegaki Primary School! One thing that struck me as I watched this scene is how easily it could have become hollow and saccharin sweet. But because it was the product of Bakugou’s authentic character development, and because he was so convincingly empathetic, I thought it worked and worked well. 

And though I’m really happy they didn’t have to resort to physical violence, I did think it was extremely cool that when the kids unleashed their attacks on our four heroes, they  weren’t even annoyed. No damage; not even enough to make them uncomfortable. I do so like moments like that!

In many ways, Bakugou’s character arc, his hang ups and obstacles are similar to Todoroki’s, which is probably why they clash so much. However, they are represented in opposite ways. Todoroki is the golden child who had so much pressure heaped on him that he’s come to deeply resent everyone’s hopes and expectations. It’s symbolized in his unwillingness to accept his own quirk, which is in many ways a symbol of a lot of the pain he’s suffered in the past. He has willingly hadicapped himself using only a portion of his power and strives only to be different than what is expected of him.

Bakugou comes from a much more modest background and has had forceful but supportive parents. Despite being in many ways perfectly suited to the golden child role, brilliant, often referred to as handsome, strong and healthy, he has defined himself solely by his quirk. So seeing a situation where Todoroki used both his ice and fire willingly — and just for fun at that —  showed the Shoto has come a long way to accepting his quirk, and by extension himself, and putting those difficult memories behind him. On the other hand, Bakugou avoided using his quirk or even taking the spotlight which tells me that this spoiled brat is finally maturing just a bit.

Remember when Todoroki was using his flame to help the kids warm their hands? That’s a great example of what you just pointed out. The Todoroki we met years ago would not have done that! We’d seen hints of that before, so what really blew me away in this episode was Bakugou’s restraint. Very impressive!

All of this development was great to see but there’s still one elephant in the room for me. I cannot forgive Endeavour, and I really dislike the series trying to sanitize him without any proper character building in that sense. Like I said, I thought it was interesting and gutsy to have an openly despicable “hero”. That’s something truly original as even the anti-heros we are used to are usually noble at heart. Endeavour was just a bad selfish and cruel man. But he was strong and wore the right colours. That conflict was fascinating to me. When did he become a tragic misunderstood soul who just wants to make the son he loves so much proud? Where did the guy who beat up that son when he was 5 years old, so badly that the boy threw up? You can’t just go from one to the other like that. Am I the only one bothered by this?

No. Two things bothered me about the scene where Endeavour reached out to Todoroki. First, you’re right — nothing he did in the past has been forgiven, if for no other reason than he has done nothing to atone. He did nothing to heal the damage he’d done. But what bothered me even more was that I found a small part of me hoping that Todoroki would make up with him. To see father and son reunited. 

Why would I want to put Todoroki through that? Sure, he’s conflicted, but wanting him to reestablish a relationship with the exact cause of that conflict is a really, really cruel thing to do! Do even I feel social pressure to conform to an ideal of family? 

I did say “a small part.” The rest of my brain was adamant in rejecting the notion completely. In fact, I suspect now that Endeavour has realized once and for all that he can’t step into All Might’s role — ever! — he’s reevaluating his life. I don’t know that he feels guilty, but he knows the strategy he had employed failed him. And of course it did. It was a terrible strategy. 

I have to give the show points for creating a situation that supported such a conversation, though!

The latter half of the episode started off rather mundanely. A time jump brought us to September and we learn through still scenes that the kids attended Nighteye’s funeral and the the internship program was being reevaluated. Duh! For the time being, everyone is back at UA and things are slowly going back to normal. More or less…

Aoyama has always been a fairly minor supporting character. I mean he’s always been around, but he’s just one more type of comic relief and hasn’t had many opportunities to distinguish himself. So when he starts to apparently stalk Deku, through cheese at that, I was really taken by surprise. I honestly said out loud, what exactly is going on here?

It was well done, constructed as an old school Hitchcockian suspense, with jump cuts and shadowy nighttime scenes and all those allusions of I know…. I really liked this turn. I was baffled as to where it was all going but I really liked it. I hoped we would have gotten a few episodes of this unsettling and yet hilarious atmosphere. The creative use of cheese was a great touch!

It was so unexpected that as the scenes played out, I was trying to come up with explanations. But we know that Aoyama doesn’t have an evil bone in his body, so whatever he was up to couldn’t be hurtful — unless he was actually a Himiko Toga replacement, but that couldn’t be because she’s more direct in her attacks. To be honest, I couldn’t figure out what was really going on.

In the end, it turns out that what he knew was simply that Deku was struggling with his quirk on a physical level and he felt a kinship with him because of that. An unexpectedly sweet reveal if a little cheesy.

I’m sorry…

Should I feel guilty for laughing so hard? I really like puns… I thought Aoyama reaching out to Deku was a sign of how much he had come to trust and respect him. The relationships within the class aren’t static, and I like that.

All and all, this episode was distinctly optimistic in tone, positioning most of the main cast in hopeful situations. It seems like a high before a low or a calm before the storm, but I’m happy to take it. It made me smile.

I’m really looking forward to seeing Kyouka Jirou play her guitar! We haven’t seen much of her since the League of Villains invaded UA. I’m curious if she’ll be her own guitar amp!

My Hero Academia s4 ep80- A Mild Cheese We got somewhat buried in snow over the last few days. Actually, it’s not that impressive. It’s really a perfectly average amount of snow for February in Quebec and far from the huge snow storm they’ve been promising.

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

Alright HERE WE GO...SOME PRESS!

By which I mean, Tom King was on ComicPop discussing Supergirl! So we have CONTEXT AND BACKGROUND INFO! WOO!

Gonna get into it below, but my recommendation, as always: the best way to have an informed opinion is to get the info firsthand, so don’t just take my word for it! Go forth! Watch the thing! (Language advisory, though. There is some swearing.)

Okay. With that out of the way, LET’S GO!

Gonna lead off with a summary of the Supergirl bits, as they discuss a variety of things, from Strange Adventures to Batman/Catwoman to the canned New Gods project:

How Tom King came to be the writer of Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow:

King’s longtime editor, Jaime Rich, was moved from the Bat books to the Super books. 

King, historically, likes to take on characters that ‘need help.’ He cites the example of Kirby who, upon coming to DC, asked what their lowest-selling title was, which is how he ended up on Jimmy Olsen.

So, when King asks which character needs help, Rich, to King: Supergirl. We have trouble selling that book.

King, describing Supergirl: ‘She’s singular in a way Mr. Miracle and Vision are not.’ Says that if you ask any four year old who Supergirl is, they know.

Editors asked him, ‘what’s your take? what are you gonna do with her?’

King then discusses the difference between his approach to Bat people vs. Super people.

Bat people: It’s a deconstruction approach. King brings up Kite Man from his Batman run. You tear the character down and build them back up, a la Dark Knight Returns

Super people: It’s not about deconstruction. Let them be themselves. They’re wonderful, let them be wonderful. 

But he does mention sort of stripping down the character to their purest form; he describes it as chiseling off the barnacles that have built up on the character, over the years.

Additionally, he says ‘evil doesn’t work for the Super family of characters.’

He mentions Superman: Up in the Sky. He says that there’s deep stuff in Up in the Sky, but the theme of every page is simply: Superman is awesome.

King: “I don’t want to make Kara mean or sad. I want to test her.”

The host compares ‘angry Kara’ stories to ‘evil Superman’ stories in that there are many of them, such to the point that people think Kara is relatable because she’s miserable and angry all the time. 

The host: I don’t get that.

(Same dude, same.)

King talked to Steve Orlando

They discussed the fact that Supergirl knew her planet; the people who died were her friends, family, classmates.

King summarizes Kara’s original Silver Age origin: she witnessed three huge, traumatic losses of life. First, when Krypton exploded. Then again when the Kryptonite started killing Argo residents, and then again when the meteorites destroyed the lead shielding that was keeping Argo safe. 

King: “That’s some f-ing trauma! I don’t know if you’ve read my books, but I love the trauma in characters.”

King thus describes Kara as world-weary, she swears, ‘she has seen some sh*t’.

On the new character, Ruthye:

She’s a child on a vengeance quest.

She’s named after King’s niece, Ruthie.

The pronunciation for the comic character, though, is Ruth-Eye.

One of his sons told him to add the ‘e’ on the end to make it look cooler.

Further discussion of Kara herself:

King noted that there’s sometimes a tendency to be very precious with the character.

King: ‘Let’s not be precious with Supergirl.’

This is not the story of a sixteen-year-old girl discovering the world; King says that Supergirl has been that sixteen-year-old for a long time now.

He describes it more as a move from Supergirl to Superwoman.

Art and Influences:

Talking about the red sun planet that Kara visits for her twenty-first birthday, King says he was reading a lot of Conan, which influenced the look of that portion of the story.

The impetus for getting Evely on the book: King said his editor emailed him, ‘Hey, how about Bilquis?’ King: “And I did a happy dance!”

Evely sent King a mood board of the types of things she wanted to draw; Moebius, Kirby, Wally Wood, landscapes in particular. 

Also, King says Evely is fast! She’s already halfway through the book, art-wise, and King is confident the book will release on time.

The host asked him, following up on King’s description of the book as a fantasy/western, ‘Is this True Grit?’

King: “It’s True Grit inspired. The novel AND the movie.”

If asked to give the Hollywood pitch: ‘It’s True Grit in space with Supergirl as Rooster Cogburn.’

Details about this book, as compared to Other Tom King titles:

He’s using captions on this comic--he’d thrown out captions as a storytelling device after Batman, but he found a ‘good voice’ for this comic.

King was prepared to do his usual twelve issues, but they said no one buys Supergirl comics, so it’s eight issues.

King says that Strange Adventures, Rorschach, and to a lesser extent, Batman/Catwoman, were written at a time when the world felt very apocalyptic.

He considers them to be angrier books; they are about what happens when evil is in our life, and how we deal with that.

Supergirl is the start of the ‘next generation’ of titles. 

It was written during the pandemic, but King hoped that by the time it was released, the pandemic and this very dark time in our history would be past.

He says it’s a ‘roaring 20s’ book. Not about anger, or trauma, it’s about stepping into the future and kicking a**. 

THUS CONCLUDES the Supergirl portion of the interview. 

Okay, so! Now that we’ve been objective and presented the information in a straightforward, unbiased manner...SOME THOUGHTS AND OPINONS!

The thing I was most curious about was how King got the book, so I was EXTREMELY PLEASED to get the full story.

This wasn’t like. King desperately wanting to do a Supergirl book, nor was it DC coming to King like, ‘Take Supergirl!’

Sadly, it was, ‘which book needs the most help right now? In the Superman lineup?’

He even said that Supergirl was kind of just sitting around, no one was doing anything with her/there were no plans.

(So the idea that King stole this opportunity from a woman is not true. There were NO PLANS.)

(Also it’s not based on the FS stuff, I suspect they gave the FS team some ideas from his pitch to work with, as that entire event was sort of a stop-gap/fill-in as they hurried to relaunch their line.) 

Anyways!

My initial thought that this is DC’s attempt to sell some dang Supergirl books? Not that far off! XD

Boy, I hope it works.

(Important to note: This is not news. Supergirl has historically always sold poorly. I’ve heard from actual Supergirl writers that the trades do not sell, which is a huge problem.

So King, who is KNOWN for having really good trade sales, is as solid a gamble as they could probably hope for.

He said Superman: Up in the Sky is his third best-selling trade. A WAL-MART BOOK! Is just behind Vision and Mr. Miracle!

Basically: If this doesn’t work, I don’t know that anything will.) 

As for the specifics of King’s take in particular!

Again...I really want to see it, before I pass judgement on it.

I liked the Andreyko run! And that was pretty edgy! 

Also, we have never seen a twenty-something Kara, post-Crisis. She’s always been a teenager. Thus I’m pretty willing to go along with this approach because it’s entirely new territory.

And it does seem like King is enjoying leaning into the idea of a Super who swears and kicks butt and is just a little ‘done’ with it all.

It might not mesh with my ideal Kara but again. I need to see it, before I come to any firm conclusions. 

Honestly the thing that gives me the most pause? Is that King says this book really focuses on Supergirl, not Kara, which is a more recent identity for her.

(That is somewhat true! The ‘Kara Danvers’ identity is wholly new to the show; she’s always been Linda Lee, Linda Danvers, Kara Kent, or Linda Lang, when she has a secret identity. Sometimes she doesn’t.)

(Also of note: Tom pronounces it ‘Care-a’, like the cartoon.)

(PERSONALLY I like KAHr-a, like in the show, because it creates a phonetic consistency with ‘KAHl-el’ but that’s not really relevant to a comic book. You can mentally pronounce it however you choose! XD)

So, yeah, I like the Kara Danvers part of her identity, I like earth-bound Supergirl stories, but. This isn’t that. Which I’ll need to make peace with, I guess. XD

Otherwise? Tell me a story, Mr. King. Even if I hate it, Evely will draw it beautifully, Lopes will color it masterfully, and that’s half the battle, right there. 

I’m sad King didn’t mention the Gates/Igle run! But I also understand he’s probably been looking at more recent stuff; those Gates/Igle comics are fifteen years old, oh man, oh geez, how are they that old already.

King did confirm that this is 100% in-continuity, and will affect the character going into the future.

But, IDK, given the sort of. Grim beginnings of how this book came to be, what with the reminder that the Supergirl title doesn’t sell well...who knows what the future will look like, for Kara!

I stand by my guess that Kara will graduate to ‘Superwoman’ and the Supergirl mantle will pass to someone else, maybe Ruthye? She might be a bit young, though.

Mmm. What else, what else?

Oh, this is pretty funny, IMO: when King first teased the new character, Ruthye, a bunch of SG fans rushed to google to see if there was any clue as to like. What it could mean.

And they freaked out over some obscure connection where that name appears but hey, turns out! It’s just a made up name! Based on King’s niece!

It’s funny because SG fans never learn, man. Just chill out, read the dang book, then get all upset and huff and puff and blow your twitter house down.

They briefly mentioned the Peter David run; King said the PAD stuff was great.

He’s already teased that ‘treat’ and, okay. Time for some rumination on that specifically.

I’ve read the whole PAD run. It wasn’t my cup of tea, I don’t really like the DnD, angels and demons stuff. Also, it wasn’t Kara; it’s an entirely different character who uses the name ‘Supergirl.’

Also, stuff from that run didn’t age well.

And on top of that, PAD turned out to be...kind of a jerk! As so many folks in the comic industry are.

There’s also...an extremely weird, mean-spirited vibe through the whole back half of the run; I thought maybe I was imagining it at the time, but I recently went back to “Many Happy Returns”, the final story arc of the title, and David’s introduction in the trade...it doesn’t read like a guy who was in it for the love of the character, you know?

All of which to say! I’m not excited about connections to the PAD stuff. 

But I know a lot of fans who love that run, love that version of the character.

So like. Eh! Not for me, but to the folks who enjoy it, I hope it’s cool/fun, whatever it is.

(Still think it’ll be a variant or an easter egg or something, but we’ll see.)

(Oh, hmmm! Evely *did* post a WIP of like. Some creepy skull gate that they presumably encounter...hmmmmm.)

Okay, this is crazy long, and there’s no fun art or anything to go with it--OR IS THERE?!?!?!

BOOM. From Bilquis Evely’s twitter today. (GO. FOLLOW. HER. FOR THE GOOD ART.)

(LIKE!!! I look at this and I just! Can’t! Bring myself to not be hyped as all heck! LOOK AT THIS! AND iT’S JUST THE PENCILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

God, wish that Supergirl sold better, so we could get a full year of this. HNNNNGGGGGGG.

Oh! That was another thing King discussed in detail; that 8 is way different from his usual 12, in terms of pacing and story. The beats fall at different places (obviously) so it was a bit of a challenge for him.

Actually, now that I’m thinking about it...maybe 8 will be good. Issue 10 just dropped for Strange Adventures, and wow, it has felt LONG. (I mean, the last four? Three? issues are also bi-monthly so that doesn’t help but. Still.)

(Superman: Up in the Sky was twelve issues but half the length, because it was a Wal-Mart book, so it was more like six.)

OKAY! For real, I’ve gone on long enough. XD 

SOON. Soon. June 15th, to be exact. Mark yer calendars!

[comickergirl]

I’ve got a pretty big soft spot for Kara’s Daring New Adventures costume, with the shorts and choker. What do you think about that one? And what are your ranking of Supergirl costumes?

I am a HUGE FAN of Kara’s look in Daring New Adventures. Definitely one of my favorite costumes.

I’ve got a few posts about various Supergirl costumes, but I don’t think I’ve ever actually ranked them! So I’ll give it a shot. XD

Okay, so here it is: Supergirl Costumes, RANKED, from the Least Favorite to HECK YEAH!*

*DISCLAIMERS BEFORE WE BEGIN: Obviously this stuff is subjective, so my list is probably going to be different that other folks’ lists, and so on and so forth. Personally, I value simple, effective designs that are both functional and…oh, what’s a good word. They’re superhero costumes. Like, sure, you could probably get the same stuff done in a Kevlar vest and cargo pants, but there isn’t really a ton of flair to be had when you go the practical route

 And bonus points if the costume reflects the character’s personality/disposition, and has a story reason for existing.

Also I don’t think I’ve got EVERY DESIGN, EVER, for any and all Karas in the multiverse, because this post is ALREADY crazy long; we need not make it longer. XD

OKAY, so now that that’s done, LET’S GO:

25. Brainwashed Apokolips Supergirl 

Proof that ‘adding pants’ won’t always solve your costume problems. 

24. Dark Supergirl

So, here’s the thing: I love the black and silver Superman costume. LOVE. IT. So it should follow that I love the Supergirl variation, right? …Well. Sometimes, a design that would otherwise be ‘just fine’ is pushed into ‘oh God, please no,’ by 1.) a terrible story surrounding said design and 2.) really weird, sexualized artwork. Such is the case with our dear friend Dark Supergirl. Which is why it sits so low on the list. (And for those curious, yes, the blue equivalent also sits down here as well, because there’s just. A lot about this era that leaves a bad taste in my mouth.) 

23. Flamebird

Another design brought low by being wrapped up with a terrible story. (I think I dislike the Kandor plot more than the Dark Supergirl plot, actually.) This feels over-designed and like it’s trying way too hard to be edgy. Less ‘edgy’ than Apokolips Girl up there, but. Close. 

22. New 52

This isn’t awful in theory but that red…er…plate? kinda ruins the whole thing. Some artists did their best to make the plate look more like the equivalent of Clark’s trunks, but at it’s worst it’s just an awkward patch that looks even more awkward from a variety of angles. (And it’s BRIGHT RED so it distracts you from the other, more effective areas of the design. NOT GREAT, BOB. NOT GREAT.)

21. Bombshells

Look this one is absolutely a personal taste thing, I’ve just never been into the pin-up aesthetic. 

20. Superman: The Animated Series

I dunno, this design just never really worked for me. It’s not bad–in fact, it’s really simple and clean, but. *shrugs* Maybe it’s just too much a departure from what I generally associate with the Superman ‘family’ of costumes. Also, the gloves always make me think of like. Loony Tunes and Mickey Mouse. (But I love the boots, guys. Those are great.) (I didn’t include her later JLU costume on this list, but know that I like it a lot.)

19. Justice League 3001

Not a huge fan of the color blocking for this look. The crest is cool, but. The shapes don’t really mesh well, IMO. 

18. 70s Hot pants

I like 50% of this costume! As we will see shortly! But that remaining 50% really kills it, man. The way the shorts/hot pants are drawn, they just end up looking like really uncomfortable underwear.

17. Cyborg Supergirl

I’m just not a mech/tech armor person. Lot of plating and circuitry…kinda starts to look too busy and you lose the cooler design elements. (But there’s a story reason for it! So it does get some points in that regard!)

16. Red Lantern

Weird color blocking/shape language strikes again! Not a fan of the knees and torso. (But! It ranks way higher than the new 52 because it makes the plate into an actual full piece of clothing. Improvement!) Mask is really cool. And the sleeves.

15. Elseworld’s Finest

Honestly it’s not a bad design. Pretty simple and slick. Mostly, it’s just kinda plain. I like the way the cape attaches to the main portion, and the boots! 

14. Crucible Academy 

A bit more streamlined that the Cyborg look. Not at all a bad design. But again. Just not into the mech armor take. 

13. DC Superhero Girls

I actually really like this? I mean, she’s adorable? But I don’t quite understand the shirt. Is it a polo? Sweater vest? A sweater vest on TOP of a polo? IDK, it’s a mystery.

12. Gotham City Garage

Belly shirt feels a little dated, but otherwise, I dig it.

11. 1984 Movie Costume

HONESTLY, FRIENDS. ALL THINGS CONSIDERED…IT’S A SMALL MIRACLE THAT THIS COSTUME LOOKS AS GOOD AS IT DOES. We’re starting to move towards my personal favorite look for Supergirl–it’s got all the right elements! But the belt’s not great, and the material–I mean it works but it’s a costume from a movie that’s three decades old. So it’s a touch dated.

10. Headband

So we’re at the point where a lot of these designs are gonna start to look similar so really I can only rank them based on nitpicky things. XD Like, I don’t love when the skirt comes to a point like that, and the way the pleating is drawn makes the skirt sort of…hang weird. (Yes I realize it’s ridiculous to talk about gravity affecting fabric in a DRAWING where neither of those things actually exist but here we are.) Overall though? The crest is nice and bold, the shape is cool, it works well with the rest of the outfit, and they are just LEANING INTO THAT HEADBAND. YOU GO, KARA. (Also heeeeeey STORY REASON FOR HEADBAND so you know what that means. BONUS POINTS.)

9. Matrix

Improves on the areas that I don’t personally dig on the Headband costume–belts and boots are GREAT. Skirt still comes to a point though. :/

8. Linda Danvers

This is why I can’t really take that Flamebird design seriously. You want your Supergirl to look edgy? DOESN’T GET EDGIER THAN FIRE WINGS, BRO.

7. Injustice 2

It’s a video game, so you’ve got SEAMS and WEIRD RANDOM DETAILS and SUPERFLUOUS DESIGN NONSENSE (see: the costume options for the metal thigh bands) but GIVEN that it’s a video game, this coulda gone so bad, bro. So credit where credit is due. XD Don’t like the gloves and bare arms, though.

6. Jamal Igle Update

They took a costume that was…causing problems, and they made it work. Really, really well. 

5. Smallville Season 11

Okay, when they advertised this comic, and Kara’s costume, I was not into it. And then I read it, and LO AND BEHOLD, IT’S G8. The color blocking is KINDA CRAZY but remarkably, when you start drawing it in action? It just. It looks good.

4. Rebirth

IT’S JUST SO CLASSIC. (So why is it not in the top three? Because of that infernal skirt point, I tell ya.)

3. Silver Age

I mean they basically NAILED IT right out the GATE man. NOICE. 

2. Daring New Adventures

The 80s fix the 50% I didn’t like in 70s look–there’s just something about adding those boots…I dunno man, it just MAKES IT WORK MUCH BETTER. I love this look. I love this era in the comics. I love Carmine Infantino’s art. LOTTA LOVE, IN THIS NUMBER 2 SPOT. 

SO WHAT’S NUMBER ONE? 

Oh come on, like you guys didn’t know. XD

1. TV Show Costume

Listen. Listen. A real human being puts this suit on–a human being subject to gravity and weather and REAL WORLD** SCENARIOS–and it’s not a train wreck. The silhouette is nice! The material is convincingly durable! There are little design elements that don’t overwhelm the overall look! The CAPE HANGS WELL AND LOOKS SO GOOD, GUYS. SO GOOD. The skirt does not come to that awkward point and the minimal pleating is well hidden by that front portion. The tights and boots help with the whole ‘flying around in a skirt’ thing by covering her legs completely, and the shirt is actually a leotard, so it’s comparable to stuff that dancers wear. 

LOOKS GOOD.

WORKS WELL.

ALIGNS NICELY WITH KARA’S CHARACTER AND PERSONALITY.

SCREAMS: SUPER! AT THE TOP OF ITS PRIMARY COLORED LUNGS.

LETS FOLKS KNOW THAT YOU CAN ABSOLUTELY KICK BUTT AND TAKE NAMES IN A SKIRT.

So yes. It wins. Forever and always. 

Honorable Mentions: Every single one of Kevin Wada and Cory J. Walker’s Supergirl designs.

[thoughts-of-loyalty]

Captain Marvel (2019) Review

So, I saw the Captain Marvel movie recently (on 3/9, as this’ll likely end up posted a bit late) and as the big movie that’s set to bridge the gap between Avengers: Infinity War and Avengers: Endgame, as well as the big-screen debut of Captain Marvel (not to mention the first Marvel female hero to get the limelight), there was a lot of excitement and hype built around this film.  Starring the titular Captain Marvel, real name Carol Danvers, and set in the 90s - before any film sans Captain America 1 - we’re given a look into the origins of the “Strongest Avenger,” the one Nick Fury sought to call upon at the end of Infinity War to fight against Thanos.

Full movie spoilers and my opinions below.

Synopsis: This film focuses on the origin story, so to say, of the future Carol Danvers/”Vers” (as she’s known among the Kree), in the adventure that sets her on the path to become the superheroine known as Captain Marvel.  Believing herself to be a part of the Kree due to memory loss, she is part of a group tasked with investigating the reported abduction of a Kree agent who was captured by the Skrulls (an alien species capable of mimicking the appearance of any human they view, one which is supplemented by their poorly-elaborated-upon talents at learning a lot about their targets).  Due to events beyond her control, she is separated from her Kree allies and ends up stranded on Earth.  Discovering details about her past life while there, she teams up with a young Nick Fury to discover the truth about her past and how intimately tied she is to the current Skrull-Kree conflict...

The Good:

The Visuals: To be sure, Captain Marvel - like all other big budget Marvel films - is a visual spectacle.  The CGI is very on-point for this film, the fight scenes are generally well handled, and it generally managed to capture the 90s look and vibes that the film is set in fairly well.  The Skrull are also made to look great for their big screen debut, with amazing work put into the transformation scenes, and Captain Marvel’s abilities are a visual delight.

Not Bogged Down by Continuity: One good thing about Captain Marvel in the relative sense is that it doesn’t bog itself down much with a desire to connect itself to the other films.  While some things will certainly make more sense in context of other movies (such as the importance of the power source everyone is fighting over and who exactly Phil Coulson is in relation to Nick Fury), the movie is self-contained enough that one can enjoy it without feeling they need to see everything Marvel-related prior to keep themselves informed.  This is in contrast to, say, Ant-Man 2 or Spider-Man, which require one to have seen Captain America: Civil War to understand all the ongoing character dynamics.

A Straightforward Story: Tying in to the above, but Captain Marvel never loses itself in trying to tell an overly-complex narrative with a million different plot-lines at once.  While there is certainly a twist or two to be had, the movie kept itself focused on the important characters and most of it’s attention was on Captain Marvel and her personal journey.  It told the story it wanted to tell and never did it veer into pointless sub-plots or give focus to truly meaningless characters.

A Lack of a Love Story: In what is something of personal gripe, I appreciate the complete lack of a romance story in this film.  A common criticism that has been directed at many other Marvel films was the inclusion of romance between the male lead and a major female character (usually inspired by one of the comic romances), usually to the detriment of the film as the romances were rather out of nowhere and had little purpose beyond just having one.  This film didn’t have any of that, and while one could make arguments or ship as shippers are wont to do, there was never a “These two are suddenly in love and kissing because there needs to be a romance” moment and I am glad.

The Cast is Well-Acted: A bit of a weird one, I suppose, but most of Captain Marvel’s cast is just as enjoyable to watch as any other Marvel movie’s cast.  I never felt a single cast member wasn’t giving the role their best, and while the dialogue could be cringe-worthy at times, it was only ever due to the script, not the actor/tress in the role.

A Good Message: It was made no secret that Captain Marvel would be a primarily feminist film and have messages about gender equality and women not needing the approval of men to be who they are.  And the film delivered it with only a minor heavy-handed approach.  The female characters were all competent and never eye-candy, but at the same time the movie never used the “machismo men who talk big but are actually pretty lame” trope other less-subtle movies used, all the characters were as competent as they were implied to be.  It was occasionally blunt during some portions of dialogue, but it never felt forced and it carried its message well.

The Bad

A Tonal Disaster: The movie was unfortunately bogged down by an overindulgence, so to say, on comedy.  Now, this in and of itself is not an issue, as Guardians of the Galaxy and Thor: Ragnarok can prove - a movie can be primarily comedic in nature but still have great stories and be serious when they need to (though one could argue both had tonal issues, I wouldn’t deny that).  That said, where this movie most falters is in how it tries to be primarily comedic at times where characters necessarily shouldn’t - for example, there’s a earlier on moment where Carol blasts open a door some time after Nick Fury had done secret spy stuff to open a prior one, making him incredulously ask why she hadn’t done so before and her responding she didn’t want to steal his thunder.  This is at a time when Carol knows there’s a time limit of sorts (the Kree are due to arrive in less than 20 hours to rescue her) and Carol is learning about events that may intimately involve her and her lost memory, but they let the cast wait around so they can have this joke.  This is around the point I started to worry for the movie, as well, because I could tell the movie would be willing to let it’s mood go to waste for a quick joke.

A return to basic villains: One common issue held with many of the earlier Marvel films was the very weak villains in their movies.  They could look cool or be menacing, but Loki was pretty was really the only one who was complex for the longest time.  It took until arguably either The Winter Soldier or Age of Ultron to buck this trend and give us memorable or complex villains.  This continued for most of Phase 3, with their villains being complex, sympathetic at times, or otherwise memorable presences.  Spoilers: the Skrulls were build up as that, but plot twist, the Skrulls aren’t the villains, the Kree are.  And the Kree do nothing to establish themselves as memorable villains - you could arguably have even forgotten two of them were main antagonists in the first Guardians of the Galaxy movie.  The only relatively memorable one is Yon-Rogg, Carol’s mentor, and the two spend so little time properly interacting after he’s revealed as a villain that any complexity he could have is never properly utilized.  For that matter...

The Supreme Intelligence is kinda pointless: Tying into how the Kree are an unfortunate return to basic villains, the Supreme Intelligence - the Artificial Intelligence ruler of the Kree - is an exemplar of this aspect of the Kree in this movie.  The Supreme Intelligence is something of a recurring presence in this movie (though I use that term lightly, given that it only appears before Carol for a grand total of five minutes if I’m being generous), and as the guiding force behind the Kree, it is technically the main antagonist of the film (Yon-Rogg is the most present of the Kree antagonists, but his actions are ultimately guided by the Supreme Intelligence).  As noted above, though, Carol and the Supreme Intelligence only spend about five minutes together, and only half of THAT time is spent as them on opposing sides, where it is little more than a generic overlord-emperor type, giving us a nothing driving force for the antagonists as a whole. Which is unfortunate, because...

The Kree are very underdeveloped in general: This is an issue because for a chunk of her life, after receiving amnesia, Carol considers the Kree her people and becomes part of a Kree task force.  While somewhat understandable that she’d be willing to stand against them as they’re responsible for her predicament in various capacities, the movie spends so little time developing the relationship between them and the other Kree.  Neither she nor the named Kree she battles seem to hold any strong emotion about coming to blows, to the point that they could have been replaced with a random Kree task force she never knew and nothing would have changed.  This goes double for both Korath and Ronan, who were incredibly flat villains in Guardians of the Galaxy - any hopes one might have had that they’d receive stronger characterization was misplaced, as they’re just as one-dimensional as before.

“Subverting Audience Expectations” ruins the Skrull: Many have (supposedly?) praised the Skrull for their role in the movie as a red herring antagonist who are actually sympathetic, with many bringing back the old praise of “This movie is great because it subverts audience expectations” that popped up during Star Wars: The Last Jedi.  I have a much longer rant about that, but that isn’t the issue I mean to address here.  And before anyone gets on my case, I have no desire to argue “the Skrull are ruined because they don’t follow their comic book selves;” the MCU is perfectly allowed to reimagine the Skrull as they desire, and if they wish to make the Skrull sympathetic, then that is their prerogative. In this case, the issue is that they’re so intent on making the Skrull red herrings that the Skrulls pre-reveal and post-reveal are essentially entirely different beings.  Before the reveal, Skrulls are making an proactive effort to discover what they need, capturing a Kree agent and luring Carol in with deception to read her mind and learn where to go, and when they get to Earth, they immediately install themselves so that they can best discover what they need to know - which isn’t necessarily bad, because that can still be played as sympathetic but willing to do whatever is necessary to get what they need to survive.  But post-reveal, the Skrull we knew as antagonists are almost entirely different beings - Talos and his “Science Guy” are almost comic relief after the truth is revealed, albeit with a few moments of competence (for a prime example of their newfound incompetence, it’s revealed the Skrull couldn’t find Wendy Lawson’s lab because their “science guy” didn’t realize the coordinates they were trying to figure out were directing them to space).  Talos in particular goes from “Leader of the Skrull remnant doing whatever is necessary to save his species and his family” to “Leader of the Skrulls who wants to save his people but never wanted to hurt anyone while doing it.”  Sure, Marvel subverted our expectations, but when your red herring is essentially two different characters before and after the reveal, it’s no wonder audiences ended up surprised.

Nick Fury backstory is now a joke: Now, this in and of itself isn’t an issue - there’s no rule stating Samuel L. Jackson NEEDS to be badass in every movie, or we can’t have a “Younger Nick Fury who is comedic due to being new to it all.”  Like I noted above, Nick Fury is generally competent - as are most characters in this film, even the Skrull post-reveal - and does well enough in his role in the film.  But there’s an elephant in the room: how Nick Fury lost his eye.  Namely, he lost his eye to Goose the Cat/Flerken after the cat decided is was being messed with and scratched his eye.  Yes, you read that right.  Nick Fury’s lost eye was due to him essentially getting scratched by an alien in cat form he pissed off.  And no, it wasn’t “rampaging alien form that hit him with a massive claw,” no, it’s “small house cat claw to the eye.” Now, if it isn’t clear why exactly it’s bad, let me explain it in a bit better detail.  This isn’t just an issue of “We wanted to subvert audience expectations, so Nick Fury lost his eye in a funny way because no one saw it coming” - though it still is that, too.  Rather, the issue here is that what happened here is now canon, and is retroactively canon for the whole of the MCU up to that point.  Nick Fury justifying why he hid secrets to Captain Freakin’ America as because “Last time I trusted someone, I lost an eye.” - that’s the story he tells everyone because he’s too embarrassed to admit the truth.  That big reveal at the end of the Winter Soldier, where he reveals he had a backup retinal scan of his scarred eye because he was just that prepared in case someone tried to lock him out of the S.H.I.E.L.D. systems by removing the retinal scan of his good eye?  Thank goodness he had that eye scarred by a cat, otherwise, there’s no way that plan would’ve had a chance of working later on.  Him calling Coulson, his most loyal supporter, “His good eye?”  Thank goodness a cat clawed out his eye so he could make it clear how much Coulson meant to him with that distinction. That’s the big gamble you take when you retroactively introduce a character’s backstory in a prequel - everything that happened there is now canon to everything since.  And now Nick Fury’s backstory in the MCU will forever be “He lost it to an annoyed cat,” because Captain Marvel decided that it was better to make a joke of it.

And now, for a minor gripe: This is a bit of a lesser example, but y’all recall what S.H.I.E.L.D. stands for?  Don’t recall off the top of your head?  You could rewatch Iron Man, because it tells you in recurring joke form - Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement, and Logistics Division.  Someone really should shorten that, right?  Something the characters note anytime the full name is brought up.  And at the end of the movie, Coulson tells Pepper - who is going to recite it by name - that it’s S.H.I.E.L.D. for short now. If only Coulson was around back in the 1990s, where Nick Fury makes reference to how he’s “Nick Fury, S.H.I.E.L.D.” and namedrops S.H.I.E.L.D. a few times. *ahem* Yeah, it’s a minor continuity error in the grand scheme of things, but it was something I figured should be mentioned because that was something that I noticed and wanted to bring up.

Final Verdict

Captain Marvel is a... competently-made movie.  And I’m really sorry to say it, but that’s the most I can say about it.  It’s well-made, well-acted, tells a simple enough story to understand that isn’t bogged down by continuity, and it has good messages in it’s narrative.  But it loses so much of itself due to having an inconsistent tone throughout, and it’s plot goes from decent to bog-standard around the time it decides to “Subvert audience expectations” and give us some of the most boring villains this side of the Phase 3 MCU films.

Would I recommend others to watch it?  Somewhat.  It’s not exactly incredibly essential viewing for the MCU and I don’t think it’s really all that good, but it’s not a terrible movie, I can understand why one would like it despite all it’s flaws (people can learn to overlook nearly everything), and it does add to the MCU enough that it is worth seeing if you want to see all the Marvel films.  But if you want a good female superhero film with a feminist message, you’re better off watching Wonder Woman.

And now, to address the elephant in the room pretty much every male who didn’t enjoy the film needs to deal with:”You didn’t like Captain Marvel because the main character was a woman and it had a pro-women message and you must hate feminism.”  It’s a comment that tends to get directed at males who don’t enjoy films with female protagonists, regardless of quality of the film (see: Ghostbusters) or reasons for disliking the film (albeit not without reason, to some degree - after all, those biased against something would be much harder on it than something they aren’t even if their flaws are much the same).  Not helping matters were that trolls DID review-bomb its Rotten Tomatoes score before it even had a full day under it’s belt - which the movie didn’t deserve, it should be judged on it’s own merits, not targeted by insecure men angry about there being a Marvel movie starring a female hero.

And I don’t expect to convince anyone who isn’t willing to believe me otherwise.  I can point to all the video games (Metroid, Portal, Resident Evil, etc) I love that star female protagonists, or that I considered the Wonder Woman film to be excellent, and it won’t convince anyone.  If you think I’m sexist garbage because I’m a male who didn’t like the film, my reasonings above or thoughts below won’t probably won’t convince you.

Here’s my views on this, however: Marvel had taken much too long to give us a movie primarily starring a female hero.  Marvel has many great female heroes, Captain Marvel included, and any one of them would have been as worthy of a film as a male counterpart.  The MCU dropped the ball repeatedly when it came to giving their female heroes films - Black Widow would’ve been great for a film but never got made and the omnipresence of Scarlet Johansson has made many people not care; Scarlet Witch got primarily confined to Avengers-focused films; The Wasp is very enjoyable but still has to share screentime and billing with Ant-Man; Gamora was probably the best and still those films still spent more time with Star-Lord, not to mention she was killed of in Infinity War without certainty of her return, leaving that “Third Guardians movie focused on her” up in the air.

We finally have a Marvel film that’s starring a female, and it’s primary message is about how feminism is important - and it’s good we’ve finally got one, but it took us until Phase 3 to finally get it and the film was marred by so many other issues I would struggle to call it good even with its positive qualities.  And that’s not the quality it deserved - not as a Marvel film, as a Captain Marvel film, or as a feminist film.  And anyone who would say “Who cares if it was not all that good, we’ve finally gotten a feminist superhero film from Marvel”?  You’re settling, and you shouldn’t.  What we deserved isn’t what we got, and by defending it, you’re essentially saying that Marvel can get away with low-quality movies so long as they can say “Sure, but fans were asking for this and we gave them what they wanted.”

You want a film with a female superhero protagonist that has a feminist message that is, above all else, good?  You should watch Wonder Woman.  And I know how there’s all the issues with the DCEU as a whole, or the rivalry between Marvel and DC fans and the former who wanted this movie to be good so they could be proud Marvel made a feminist hero film that was better than DC’s.  And kudos to you who support brand loyalty.  But DC did what Marvel didn’t for the longest time, and for all of the DCEU’s issues, Wonder Woman had very few issues on its own, and the issues that were present were very minor compared to everything it had going for it.  Wonder Woman was what Captain Marvel wanted to be, and what it ultimately failed to be.

[somaybeimbiased]

SHINee 5 | Ghost Hunters AU

I redid this early post and I think I improved it, others also requests a couple things about this AU, so I just redid it bc the other one was messy

With increasing reports of things going ‘bump’ in the night, a team of 5 guys formed, and they travel around South Korea. They film their findings and post them on youtube. They have 20 million subscribers, even if they do talk in Korean. (Subtitles my guys) Viewers think they are all v cute and hilarious but also this is the most realistic ‘ghost’ show out there.

Onew- Research Analyst

He was never one to believe in ghosts.

He didn’t even think it was a possibility.

After his mom died and Taemin started blabbering about how mom was still around and that nonsense, it made him hate the prospect of ghosts.

But when his best friend in high school asked him to help out, he couldn’t say no.

His filming was trash, but it got the job done.

It was all fun and games until ghosts actually started moving stuff

The breaking point in his skepticism came when a door slammed shut behind him and locked him in Jonghyun’s cellar.

Might’ve cried a lil

After that, he went ham researching the paranormal.

His and Taemin’s dad is a  cop so he will sometimes ‘borrow’ his dad’s database computer to see if there is any sketchy happening in the history of wherever they are heading.

He was kind of against Key putting the first video on youtube, but it got popular so he forgave it.

Never gets used to the prospect that he has fans who like him the most out of their group. Like he has fangirls

After becoming a hit and getting 10k subscribers with only crappy iPhone videos, so after a while, they decided that they need more people on their team.

Put an ad on craigslist

The only ones who answered were his brother and Minho

Very much against Taemin and his boyfriend? Best friend?  Joining the team.

Thought that Taemin would turn it into a joke

But then he watched his little brother get possessed and he freaked tf out.

Got used to it after a while.

Their youtube channel continued through high school graduation and only got more popular.

They would film on the weekends.

He is really into it after a while and he basically becomes a human dictionary for ghosts

Like, ask him any question  and he will spit out the answer

Minho will only let him touch and cameras and other $$$$ equipment

“You’re the least likely to get scared or get possessed so-”

Except he runs into stuff all the time so?

Like if you think he is clumsy during the day, you should see him try to get around with a night vision camera.

Sometimes he will just trip or fall and Key s c r e a m s

“ARE YOU OKAY DID A GHOST GET YOU?!?!”

Jinki just kinda laughs it off, bc Key is so jumpy.

But overall he likes being a ghost hunter

Like it’s fun, plus he gets to spend a ton of time with his best pals

Jonghyun- The Leader

Every great story starts with a stupid decision.

Jonghyun’s was letting Key convince him to make and use an Ouija board during a sleepover when they were 13.

He 100% thought it was fake until the planchette started moving by itself even though Key and he were on the other side of the room.

And then him and key just like took the board and put it in the garbage.

But the damage had already been done.

His house was haunted.

Ever since then, he and Key had been trying to prove it to someone that they’d messed up Jonghyun’s house.

They invited Jinki over to try to get evidence on camera

So they made Jinki film using Key’s crappy iPhone and a cereal box voice recorder Key had saved boxtops for.

But then they caught some weird voices and the cellar door shutting on Jinki and they were spooked

Key put the evidence on a youtube channel and people went crazy for it.

They loved the video.

He wanted to make more, so him Key and Jinki tried just them for a year or so before deciding they needed to expand their group.

The ad on craigslist seemed to work bc they got a cameraman and a medium.

How cool are they?!

Once they started getting more and more popular, people would email him about coming to their house, business, etc.

Their youtube views were high too.

He 100% carries around a lil suitcase full of traditional ghost hunting stuff, like an ouija board salt, sage, etc.

Screams in falsetto

Gets scared easily, but is nowhere near as bad as Key

Sometimes Key’s screams startle him more than the spooky ghosts.

He also always gets scratches on his legs?

Like?

He can’t wear shorts anymore.

“No, I don’t own a cat.”

Lowkey thinks Taemin might be lying, but only because Jinki said he thinks it might be a coping mechanism.

But then Taemin sprouted off how a demon was following Jjong and has been attached to him since he was 13 and Jjong hadn’t really told anyone besides Kibum and Jinki what happened when he was younger so like

“Wow, okay, accepted.”

Key- The Comic Relief / Face of the group

This guy is scared of ghosts

Doesn’t know why he thought hunting them was a good choice.

Only in it for the potential views at first when they made Jinki film them in Jjong house.

1000% believes in ghosts though.

Made a youtube account for them.

GhostHunters5_25

He s c r e a m e d when they went viral

“SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE SEEN MY FACE”

Basically became an instant meme.

Pictures of him screaming and crying a lil are all over the internet.

Any fame is good fame.

100% let it go to his head.

Like, fame didn’t change him, he just got cocky with the ghosts.

It got worse when they really blew up after Taem and Mango joined the team.

Made everyone wear makeup for filming.

M: “I’m behind the camera why do I need makeup?”

T: “Also we are in the dark, I don’t-”

“SHHhshhhHSHhHh”

He was crazy for the views and stuff.

A skeptic of Taemin, like legit at the beginning he said they should kick Taem out.

“I can bring my dogs instead. They are just as cute as Taemin and dogs can sense things”

Got possessed once

It was for like 10 seconds

But he didn’t take it suuuper seriously until that happened.

He wanted to quit at first like he walked out of the house they were investigating.

Taemin tried to talk to him about it like

“Bum, I know you’re stressed but like, It happens to me all the time, and I’m fine.”

“No, you’re a freak! That’s why they go to you! If you were normal you would know how I feel!”

Taemin just left, and he ignored Key for 2 weeks straight.

Jjong and Jinki convinced Key to talk to him, bc if they didn’t patch stuff up, they’d lose their cameraman, their medium, and two of their best friends.

Everything was okay after he apologized.

From then on he would bring a doll with him to all investigations

The doll was an old cabbage patch kid

He named her Susan

“The ghost can possess the doll instead of me now”

The doll never actually gets possessed.

But sometimes 2min hide his dolls so he thinks it might’ve worked.

Also the fun cop™

Makes them go to the library before every new place to do research about it led by himself and Jinki.

Takes it suuuper seriously.

“Jonghyun, stop putting paperclips in Taemin’s hair”

“Where did Minho go?”

“Taemin, wake up you’re drooling all over the phonebook from 1987!”

“Minho when did you go get Panda Express?!”

Done with their bullshit

Minho- The Man behind the Camera

Didn’t actually know the others before this.

Like vaguely knew Jinki bc he is Taemin’s brother brother

But he really only knows Taemin, his bestboyfriend

They don’t like labels

One night Taemin showed him a crappy youtube video for three dorks hunting for ghosts.

“Isn’t that your brother filming? I didn’t know anyone could be so bad at filming! Who let that happen?

The film major was not impressed.

Left an angry comment on their video about how they need to get a proper cameraman.

A couple weeks later he was scrolling through craigslist while ignoring his homework and he found an interesting ad.

In search of extra crew to help investigate paranormal

“YO Tae, wanna become ghost hunters?”

Like he was aware Taem had that power, and those three morons needed a good camera guy tbh

Were the only ones serious about answering the ad

Him and Taem got the jobs because they were the only ones to actually answer the ad.

He told them that he was there just to handle equipment and be a cameraman

Quickly given a crash course on the good angles of Kim Kibum

Purposely zooms in on Key when he screams.

He is hella good with the camera work, and he is able to use extra footage sometimes for his film classes.

But he never really gets used to  what happens

Especially when he watches his best friend get possessed the first couple times

Did not cry

One time there was a loud crash in an old house they were investigating and they sent him and Taemin to check it out.

Surprise.

It was a skunk.

So now he always checks the site before setting up.

He also now keeps a few jars of tomato juice in his trunk for emergencies.

Taemin- Mr. Medium

He lowkey resented his brother for starting a paranormal investigation team after teasing Taemin a large portion of their children over Taemin making things up.

He and Jinki were never as close as they were before their mom’s death.

Jinki claimed Taemin was making stuff up, but Taemin let it slide because his mom told him that he was the only one who could see.

Like those rumors that younger kids can see past the physical world but as they get told that ghosts aren’t real and whatnot they lose the ability.

Those are true, but Taemin’s mom being a ghost made it so that he never stopped believing

When they asked Taemin what he could contribute to the team he just deadpanned

“I see dead people”

Jonghyun and Key asked him if he needed therapy.

He almost cussed them all out for being close-minded when they were the ones hunting the ghosts

He is a self-acclaimed Clairvoyant and a Clairsentient

He found out at a young age that he wasn’t normal

His and Jinki’s Mother died in an accident when he was 7

When his father got home to tell him the news

“Don’t joke! She’s right behind you!”

Therapy sucks.

It’s a touchy subject for him to this day.

He has fun with this though, he is able to feel and see the ghosts when they don’t hide themselves

This makes him a valuable asset to the team

Glad that the others allowed his bestboyfriend to be the cameraman too, bc Mango hadn’t shut up about Jinki’s shaking filming.

He instantly became a hit on the youtube channel

He got fangirls from this too.

It’s great to have anyone other than Minho alone believing him.

A lot of comments are about how the hot medium is their favorite and how genuine he is.

Like ‘oh hello, how did all these flowers end up at our house Minho?’

Also, if we talk about Key being a huge meme, we can’t forget about him.

He has a hilarious expression at least 50% of the time.

Gets possessed all the time though

OT4 asked him why he was the one to get targeted all the time

“What can I say, I must just be irresistible”

“They like me because I sympathize with them and my emotions are easily manipulated to suit them”

Also bc he is lowkey into Wiccan charms and it’s only to protect the others from harmful spirits.

Got really hurt when Key got possessed bc he was the one that stopped the spirit from being inside Key for too long, and then after the fact Key hurt him.

He also jokes around a lot outside of the site and when around OT4

Pulls lil pranks on them

But once they arrive, he is all business.

Randomly stares off into the distance all the time bc he sees a ghost

Lowkey afraid of ghosts, but only because he has gotten really hurt in the past from them

Prays all the time to try to protect himself more

/AN// I hope you guys enjoyed! I am wrapping up the semester next week so I’m hoping to start writing more! Thank you <3

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