#actually walking up the bridge drowning in tears so i gave that to her as well yeahthumbsup

[firstblesssed]

Walking alone unto journey’s end

ffxivwrite2022: 6 - Onerous

751 words | ew - ultima thule | Masterlist

“The sorrow of a thousand, thousand worlds weighs heavy.”

Elletha could say with confidence that the past couple of hours in Ultima Thule had been the worst hours of her life. No primal, no near death experience, no battle could match up to the overwhelming sense of despair and loss that felt so suffocating here. 

She’d be lying if she said it wasn’t affecting her, but the warrior must stand tall, must be the scion’s beacon to continue forward, to rally her friends to keep moving on. But as she watched the twins disappear into smoke, creating another beautiful bridge for her to continue onwards, she found herself without allies to inspire any further.

Elletha just stared at the spot that they had disappeared from, the deafening silence interrupted by an involuntary sob that had her clutching at her chest and cursing her emotions.

‘I’ve cried too much in the past 2 hours.’ She thought bitterly, thinking back to after G’raha had sacrificed himself, the twins leading her up the crystal bridge as she sobbed. She’d almost considered using Hydalelyn’s magic there and then to return everyone to her, ignoring Y’shtola’s words ringing in her ears, but Alisaie had knocked some sense into her.

To return her friends to her side would mean invalidating their sacrifices, to throw away everything that had brought them so far would mean the end of the star, all for her own selfish wishes. 

“It’s not fair” She choked out between her tears, sinking to the floor, “It’s not fair.”

Why couldn’t it be someone else? Always the last left alone, more important than the others supposedly, but she didn’t understand why. She hated it, wished she could’ve been the one to guide her friends forward, build a bridge of flowers and light, her gentle magic lighting the path. Elletha dug her nails into the dirt, sobs wracking her whole body, feeling guilty for even feeling this way, feeling like a disappointment for breaking down at the last second, but no one was left to tell her otherwise. Metieon having flown to the next place to taunt her, no one was here to tell her off for indulging in her emotions, so she screamed.

Screamed and cried and wallowed in the despair of Metieon’s domain, even if just for a moment, the weight of the situation finally landing on her shoulders.

The Warrior of Light left alone at the edge of the universe, screaming with grief at the position the world had put her in. 

She slammed a fist on the ground, gritting her teeth at the shock it sent through her. Elletha picked up her cane from the floor, using it as leverage to stand up, brushing long purple hair out her face and wiping her tears on her gloves. Knowing she has to continue on despite everyone being gone had left her bitter, for her companions gave her strength, and while Elletha knew that everyone back home was counting on her, it only added to the grief she felt, that she was here wallowing in pity rather than being the hero that everyone was counting on. 

As she wished for someone, anyone to be at her side, someone to tell her that everything was going to work out, the sound of distant chatter filled her ears.

Elletha looked up to see shades of people floating through the empty city, she approached one without thinking, using her cane as a walking stick, and yet when she came close to it, the shade evaporated and a voice sounded out. It sounded like it came from inside her head, resonating through the courtyard.

“If you need a push, I’ll be right there behind you.”

Elletha choked back more tears, the universe had heard her. She approached another shade, listening in shock to a voice she had not heard for a very long time.

“Do not despair, you are not without allies.”

She knew her mind was just pulling memories from the various people she had known and loved throughout her travels, but the exact words comforted her exactly the way she needed. That didn’t stop her from sobbing each time a memory was pulled from her, pausing at each evaporating shade and having to compose herself before walking forward.

‘I’m probably going to be a mess when I see Metieon up here.’ She smiled to herself and placed a hand over her heavy heart. ‘But I’m not alone at least.’

So yet, she can still walk on.

[slightly-smarter-nat]

Old Friends: The Scarlet Apprentice || Wanda Maximoff

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Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Warnings: Mentions of suicidal thoughts; depression; mentions of injury; mentions of drowning; mentions of weapons; mentions of torture; mentions of blood; mentions of death. Slight MoM spoilers. If I have missed any warnings, please let me know.

Word Count: 3168 words.

Summary: Has Wanda, Stephen and Wong found the perfect way to stop you and Agatha?

A/N: Part 10 of ‘The Scarlet Apprentice’. There are some elements I have used from MoM, so if you haven’t watched it yet and don’t want it spoiling then don’t read this part. I do touch on some serious elements in this part such as Suicide. If you are sensitive to topics revolving this, skip this part. If anyone ever needs someone to talk to, my DM’s are always open- you’re not alone.

Please do not repost (on here or any social media platform), copy, translate or take ownership of my work. Reblogs, likes and comments are always appreciated <3.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11

Masterlist

*Italics represent the interactions between the reader and Agatha directly.

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GIF not mine

Old Friends: The Scarlet Apprentice-

-The Kamar- Taj-

Wanda delicately walks across the courtyard, ensuring to avoid stepping on any of the deceased. Her vision is mostly blurred; tears form but fail to drop. With every lifeless face she sees, her heart breaks more and more. Never in a million years would she ever imagine that you’d have any part in a massacre such as this- to become a villain.

She glances over at Stephen, noticing how he kneels beside a young Sorcerer. He bows his head slightly, as he moves his fingertips over their eyes and slowly draws them to a close as a sign of respect.

She slowly makes her way towards him, noticing how Wong makes his way into the Kamar- Taj.

“You know, I wasn’t going to tell you this but I think for my own sake I need to let it out. To even attempt to view y/n as a person and not a monster-“ Stephen shifts his position to look towards Wanda, signalling for her to take his words in.

“When I had my car accident, I struggled with the concept of moving on with my life. Being a Surgeon was everything to me; it’s all I knew.” Stephen picks up his hands, showing Wanda the scars that remain from the tragic accident that cost him his career. Her eyes study every purple line, every tremor that still travels through his system.

“It ruined me, not just my hands but my relationships with the people around me. I became this bitter version of myself. I wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer when Doctors refused to treat my hands, to help make them better. Everyone had left at this point of my life. I had no one, that’s when I found myself on the edge of the Brooklyn Bridge.”

Wanda lets a few tears slip, understanding the hurt and loneliness Stephen experienced.

Stephen takes a deep breath, “I was going to do it, it seemed so simple at that moment. My life was over, I had no one, I could never become the version I once was. I climbed the railing, I gripped onto the edges; hyping myself up to jump. Nothing else mattered, all that was running through my head was the idea of ending my life for good. I was about to jump when I heard a voice, it was a simple ‘are you okay?’. I turned around and looked at this figure, I snapped out of my trance, I could feel the heat in my face from the crying I had done, I could feel the heaviness in my chest again- I wasn’t numb anymore. I realised the situation I was in and I started to panic. The figure had already started to move towards me, they took a firm grip of me and told me, ‘everything is going to be okay, I’ve got you. You’re not alone alright, I’m here’. I actually remember looking towards them frantically, expecting them to display a similar expression in the situation we were in but all they gave me was kindness and support.”

Stephen wiped away the stray tears that escaped down his face, “They asked me what my name was as they gently guided me to safety since I was just so desperate to escape the edge, I told them, in turn I asked what their name was and they said ‘y/n’. Wanda, they saved my life, they made me realise that the accident was just a stepping stone to me becoming the version of myself that the world needed. They helped me pursue my new career as a Sorcerer, supporting me every step of the way. I owe them my life.”

Wanda kneels down beside Stephen, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder, “I’m so sorry you went through that, I had no idea.”

Stephen shakes his head, “You know, y/n and I were talking not so long ago, and I thanked them for saving me that day. They said, ‘there’s no need to thank me, fate brought us to the point where we were able to help each other grow’. I wasn’t sure what they were implying, in my mind I still needed to repay them back, so when I asked them further about it they said, ‘you repay me every day from introducing me to Wanda, she’s the reason I keep going. You gave me the gift of knowing her and that I will always be thankful for’.”

Wanda looks at Strange in surprise, she knew you loved her but she didn’t realise that she meant that much to you.

“Wanda, what they have done here is unforgivable, and I know once they lose the Scarlet Apprentice side of them, it will destroy them to know they killed hundreds of innocents. We need to stop them now, and you’re the only one who’s capable of doing so.”

Wanda shakes her head, “Strange, it's no use, Agatha has too much control.”

Stephen interrupts, “Then take it back, Wanda you're the Scarlet Witch. The only reason y/n is listening to Agatha is because she’s playing the Alpha role in this currently. You need to show your dominance and earn your Apprentice back. We’ll help you, if you can find it in yourself to do so.”

Wanda thinks for a few seconds, having heard the nature in which you and Stephen met. She knows she can’t lose the kind hearted soul you are, she needs ‘her y/n’ back, not the version Agatha is creating, “Okay, but we need something to stop them both.”

“Weeks ago, Wong acquired the book of Vishanti, we think that will help us.”

Wanda tilts her head in confusion, “What is it?”

Stephen smirks slightly, “Oh not much, only the most powerful set of spells to help a Sorcerer defeat their enemy.”

Wanda gently smacks him on the arm, “You had this the whole time and never mentioned it!?”

Stephen rubs at his arm, “In my defence, Wong only told me five minutes before we set off. He didn’t want to tell you in case you turned against us. I honestly didn’t believe he had it at first, he’s one to exaggerate.”

Wanda shakes her head, “Where is it?”

“Wong put it inside, he cast several protection spells on it-” Stephen’s words are cut short when Wong comes running out distraught.

“They’re still here, they’re searching the temple!” Wong shouts out to gain Wanda and Stephen’s attention.

They look at each other panic-stricken, “You know what we have to do, Wanda.”

“Protect the book.”

“Precisely, let's go.”

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The three of them make their way through the temple. Stephen leads, holding an arm in front of him in anticipation of a fight, “Wong, where did you see them?”

“I didn’t, the energy pattern is similar to theirs and it’s surging through the temple.” Wong says as he scans every surface for signs of your whereabouts.

“Yeah, I can feel it, Wanda, are you okay?” Stephen asks as they slowly move forward.

She looks around in horror, noticing the claw marks on the walls, and red tainting the surfaces, “Yes, what are we going to do?”

“Make our way to the book, it’s located at the other end of the temple-“

Stephen looks at Wong and eagerly shushes him, “They might be listening, can you guide us?” Wong nods and takes the lead.

Wanda follows the Sorcerers closely, arming herself with red tendrils. She hears a slight rattle beside her, causing her to stop and look. She notices a slight wobble to an Ancient vase on the table next to her. She studies it intently, wondering why it is moving.

Stephen notices that she has stopped and turns, “Wanda, what is it?”

Wanda turns to him, “I thought I saw something.”

Her eyes widen when she sees you standing behind Stephen, “Stephen!” She shouts.

He turns to look before a burning slice is delivered across his torso. Wong sends a blast of Sorcerer’s magic your way; however you dodge it and disappear in a mist of blue.

Stephen slumps to the ground, causing Wanda and Wong to rush to his side, “Where… did-“ He attempts to finish his sentence before releasing a cry of pain- Wong applies pressure on his cut, stopping the bleeding.

Wanda looks around, hoping to locate you before you attack again.

“I don’t understand how they can just disappear like that, that’s not one of their powers. Well I don’t think it is anyway.” She says.

“Something tells me that they’re not here but a form of them is.” Wong says, continuing to heal Strange with Sorcerer charms.

Wanda looks at him sceptically, wondering how you could be at the temple-but not be at the temple?

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-Agatha’s basement-

Agatha watches you in awe- how you gracefully hover over the ground, crossed legged and eyes closed. She watches you closely, trying to gauge a sense of what is going on at the Temple.

She had studied the teachings of ‘dream walking’ in the Dark Hold but was never successful in performing it. Now, she has you, doing whatever you can to grab or destroy anything from the Kamar- Taj that may help the others stop you.

She notices a smile grace your lips, causing her to do the same. She knows you’re doing your best in making their lives hell, and she couldn’t be more proud of her little Apprentice.

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Stephen releases a pained grunt as Wong finishes up healing his skin. It reconnects and stops the bleeding but the pain remains as a side effect.

“Better?” Wong asks.

“Better, thank you.” Stephen confirms as Wanda and Wong gently guide him up.

“What the hell was that about?” Stephen asks.

“All I can think is that they are using Dark Hold magic, I’ve never seen anything like this.” Wong explains.

“Okay, keep a lookout, anything moves, you destroy it.” Wanda and Wong nod at Stephen’s command.

They continue their way through the Kamar- Taj. Wong weaves his way around the smashed artefacts that line the floors of the Temple.

“They’re clearly searching for something.” Stephen says as he follows Wong.

“We don’t have time to dwell, we need to get to the book.” Wong says hurriedly.

“Watch out for that puddle of water.” Wong points to the floor to warn Wanda and Stephen.

Wanda and Stephen look down to where he pointed but fail to spot any water. They look at each other in confusion.

Stephen notices that Wong is seemingly jumping out of the way of nothing, you clearly haven’t made your way to this side of the temple because it’s spotless now.

“Wong, what are you doing? Why are you walking like that?” Stephen finally asks.

“To avoid the water of course, it’s everywhere.” He stops walking to gesture to the floor around him- which is dry.

“Wong, there’s no water.” Wanda says timidly, wondering why Wong was so convinced there was.

“Oh no, brace yourselves, there’s a wave coming this way!” Wong shouts as he points behind the other two, he grabs onto the wall’s beam and prepares himself for impact.

Stephen and Wanda look and see no waves, no water, nothing. Wanda looks to Stephen for an explanation but he just shrugs in response.

“Wong-“ Stephen is cut off when Wong is sent flying into the opposite wall; he thrashes around in an attempt to battle the invisible force. He gasps for air desperately.

Stephen rushes to his side, grabbing him to stop his movements.

He sees red tendrils surrounding his eyes; Stephen looks to Wanda to see her eyes glowing red.

“It’s an illusion, y/n is trying to convince him he’s drowning.” Wanda says as she finishes reading his mind.

Wong’s face turns purple, the illusion causes him to believe that there is water filling his lungs. Stephen looks around in sight of you to stop this. He brings his hands together, allowing them to glow golden, he closes his eyes as he conjures plenty of magic. “Brace yourself Wanda.” He says as he releases a surge of power through the temple, diminishing the power you have on Wong.

Once Stephen opens his eyes, he notices Wanda kneeling beside Wong, guiding him through a breathing exercise.

Stephen pants from the strain of power he just released.

“Are you okay?” He asks Wong- once he has calmed down.

“I-it felt so real, all I could see was water surrounding me, I could feel the water filling my lungs- the burning sensation as I gasped for air-“ Wanda rubs soothingly on Wong’s arm as he talks about the power you placed on him.

“They’re getting more powerful, please tell me we’re nearly there.” Stephen says.

Wong nods, “It’s just through that door, let me open it.”

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“Hon, what’s going on?” Agatha asks as she sees you scrunch your face in displeasure.

Suddenly you fall to the ground and land harshly, causing you to release a grunt of pain.

Agatha rushes forward, until you raise your hand up saying, “Don’t. I’m fine, just Strange and his tricks.”

Agatha notices the black lining on your fingertips, knowing the corruption of the Dark Hold grows.

You glare at her, “Sit down whilst I finish the job.” You order.

Agatha retreats back to her original position, watching you as you read from the Dark Hold once more and enter your dream walking state.

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Wong conjures a charm to remove the protection spell on the room that holds the book of Vishanti and other sacred relics worthy of protection.

The door is illuminated in orange, displaying multiple patterns- that of teachings from Sorcerers.

The door glows brightly as Wong moves his hands in specific ways, then the door becomes dark. Signalling that Wong’s spell has vanished.

Wong walks forward and opens the door.

All three of them enter the room and Wanda glances around, admiring each ancient relic displayed around.

Her eyes land on a book, glowing brightly on a podium. She steps towards it until she hears Wong say, “Ah, they haven’t taken it yet. Stephen, it requires two Sorcerers to release it from the protective hold, please come here.”

Stephen steps towards Wong as he readies himself to cast a charm, watching as Wong starts the spell process.

Wanda watches in interest until she hears a gentle whisper, “Wanda.”

She looks around, looking for the source of the whisper.

She hears it again, making her spin around in an attempt to find it.

She looks at each relic, wondering if the power housed by each one is influencing her mind.

She turns in front of her and sees you standing there, covered in cuts and bruises. She is about to yell out until you put your hand over her mouth and shush her, “Wanda, please, they can’t know I’m here, they’ll kill me. I need your help.”

Wanda’s eyebrows furrow, not knowing whether she can trust you or not.

She takes in your form, you’re covered in mud and your clothes are ruined. It brings tears to her eyes, she never wants to see you like this.

You slowly remove your hand, allowing her to speak, she says in a hushed tone, “What happened to you? When we saw you before, you were in a blue suit.”

You shake your head in disgust, “That’s not me my love, that’s the Scarlet Apprentice. Agatha is using them to control me, to make all this happen.” You explain.

Wanda releases a sigh, looking over at Strange and Wong to make sure they aren’t looking over at you, “Tell me something only you would know, not the others.”

You take a moment to think, “You hate coconut flavoured things. Though I didn’t know this until 5 months into our relationship when you finally admitted it to stop me from buying you those weird ice cream things because I thought they were your favourite flavour.” You say as you smile to yourself.

Wanda smirks, “I didn’t want to say anything because I thought it was cute that every time you went to the store you came back with a bag filled with my favourite things.”

“You know, they do other flavours, you didn’t have to eat it.” You laugh gently.

A pang of pain goes through Wanda, knowing she might not be able to make more memories like that with you due to the Dark Hold.

“Wanda, I need you to save me, Agatha is holding me in the basement of her house. You need to hurry, they want the scribes to go to the Temple of The Scarlet Apprentice.”

Wanda grabs you, and pulls you into a hug, “I love you.”

You squeeze her tight, “I love you too.”

You move your hand away to conjure a knife, you slowly move it up. You’re about to stab Wanda until you hear a shout from behind you.

“Wanda!” Wong shouts.

Wanda pushes you away causing you to stagger to the ground.

She looks at the knife that drops from your hold, she shakes her head in disbelief as your form changes into the Scarlet Apprentice’s attire.

You sit on the ground and release a sinister laugh, “Ooh, I nearly had you then. Such a shame.”

You pick yourself up and walk over to one of the relics. You wince as you shove your hand through the protective barrier, a scorching burn surrounds your hands.

“Wong, how are they doing that?” Stephen questions worriedly.

“Oh Stephen, when will you learn? If I want something, I’ll get it.” Your attention is peaked when you see a red glow to the side of you.

Wanda’s face streams in tears as she holds up two red orbs of power.

You look at her in disapproval, “Oh come now Wanda, don’t do anything you’ll regret.”

Before another word is said she sends the orbs straight into you. Since you didn’t anticipate that she would actually fire them at you, they hit you with full force. Causing you to disappear into a blue mist.

Stephen looks towards Wanda in worry, “Are you okay?” He asks, knowing how hard that will have been for Wanda to do.

“I’m fine, they don’t have the book, that’s the only thing that matters.”

She wipes her face as she makes her way out of the room, leaving Wong and Stephen in an awkward silence.

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You’re sent flying across the room, slamming into one of the walls of Agatha’s basement. You release a pained cry from the impact.

Agatha runs over to you, avoiding the spilled candles and wax.

“Y/n, what-“ She stops once she sees you hold up the artefact holding the location of the Scarlet Apprentice temple.

She takes it out of your hands and smiles victoriously, “Well done my Apprentice.”

You smile, ignoring the blood lining your teeth- Wanda’s powers having a torturous impact due to her inputting her grief into the conjuring.

“That’s nothing, they’ve got the book of Vishanti.”

Agatha snaps her gaze to you, “What? How?”

You slowly pick yourself up, keeping your gaze trained on her, “That doesn’t matter. They’re coming here, and that book is mine once they do. Get ready Agatha, the battle is about to begin”.

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Taglist: @sheisnotalone @lainjupi @sryimawhore @me-uglypretty

[fairyoftbz]

insecurities | l. juyeon

🧸 pairing: idol!juyeon x (insecure) fem!reader 🧸 word count: 2.7k 🧸 genre: angst, fluffy end 🧸 tw: mentions of insecurities, doubts 🧸 a/n: sorry i forgot to post, i had a busy day and im exhausted, i hope it's gonna be enough! 🧸 requested: yes! thank you, it is very cliché but i hope this is what you had in mind! 💝

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Juyeon came home tired but happy, excited to see you again after a long day of intense practice and a show where he participated as an MC. You, on the other hand, were not as happy as he was, but you were for sure tired of something.

You couldn’t deny it, dating Juyeon had positive points, he was everything you could ask for in a man, but there were just as many negative points. He was an attractive, sweet gentleman, and it was almost impossible for him not to attract other girls, not even doing it on purpose. And it was one of your many insecurities even if you considered yourself pretty, you couldn’t help but get insecure every time he talked to someone else.

Because let’s be honest, in the Korean music industry, every single woman looks like an absolute goddess. So, when he interacts with someone, and they’re a bit too friendly, your heart pinches in pain as he gives them the smile he keeps for you and you only.

You think that they are more interesting, prettier and funnier than you, which has the ability to send your thoughts to the dark side of self-consciousness, not feeling pretty or enough next to those women. And tonight, it was hard to watch on National TV your boyfriend being extremely friendly with the other MC.

You had tried to comfort yourself that it was just a mask, that he had to look friendly and handsome on TV. However, you couldn’t help feeling disappointment and anger as he gave attentive eyes to the other MC as she explained something, his eyes falling on her lips pressed against the mic.

Juyeon walks through the main door, tossing his keys on the chest of drawers, getting rid of his jacket and shoes before joining you in the living room, happy to see that you were watching the same channel he appeared on. Eyes glued on the screen, your thumb rubbed against your lips, feeling the skin of the cuticles you scratched while watching your boyfriend feeling rough against your lips.

“Hi love,” he said as he sat next to you, pressing his lips on your cheek. You didn’t react, only emitting a slight hum as he sat comfortably.

Juyeon frowned but didn’t raise your bad mood, trying to think what was going on inside your head. Maybe you had a bad day, or you were just tired, despite scratching his head and think, he couldn’t pinpoint what had brought you in such a bad mood.

“Did you have fun?” you bitterly spat, and Juyeon’s eyes widened, surprised by your tone, the wrinkle on his forehead deepening as his brows furrowed at your attitude.

“I did. Are you mad or something?” he bluntly asked, and you sighed, taking the remote to turn the TV off, falling in an unpleasant, uncomfortable silence.

“Oh no, I’m super fine. I really enjoyed my boyfriend giving heart eyes to another girl on national TV, it was such a nice thing to watch,” you bitterly chuckled, and Juyeon’s eyes widened even more, not expecting you to pull out the jealousy card on that.

“Babe, what are you talking about? You know-”

“Please, spare me your fake confusion and lame excuses, I clearly saw what I saw. My eyes never deceive me,” you said while standing up, but Juyeon was quick to imitate you and grab your wrist to prevent you from walking away. You tried to free yourself from his grip, but he only tightened his hand around it.

“Juyeon, let me go,” you said through clenched teeth, trying to prevent the tears from escaping your eyes. Breaking down was the last thing you wanted to do in this situation.

“Not before you explain to me what this fuss is all about,” he said, irritation replacing confusion in his eyes. You let out a mocking scoff, your eyes filled with anger and disdain boring into your boyfriend’s, holding eye contact for a few seconds.

“You really think I’m this dumb? I clearly saw the eyes you gave to the other MC when you were both animating the show. Cracking jokes, giving her smiles that could outshine the sun, your eyes ogling her lips when she was talking or smiling. Did you really think I wouldn’t catch that?” you raised your voice, letting anger take over your body.

“I never did all of that, I don’t know what you are insinuating,” he spat, trying not to show it, but your words hurt him, hating the fact that you could imagine him cheat on you or fancy another girl.

“Go on social media then, you will see what I am ‘insinuating’! Everyone is already talking about how whipped you are and how cute of a couple you would look together. Some fans are even starting to make edits!” you shouted, shoving your phone in your hoodie’s front pocket.

Juyeon sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose to calm his nerves a bit, a gesture that had the ability to enrage you even more. Your family used to do that when they found you annoying or wanted to belittle you, and now seeing Juyeon doing the exact same thing as them really made you even more insecure about this whole situation. Your family made you feel like a real burden during your childhood and teen years that it hurt you to think that Juyeon was probably agreeing with that thought right now.

“Y/N, I don’t know what you are talking about. I was just trying to be nice, I can’t be rude or it’s mine and the group’s reputation that I’ll take down with me-”

“No it’s okay, no need to explain yourself, the message was very clear,” you said, and you finally freed yourself from his grip, your heart breaking as Juyeon sighed in annoyance again, seeing him almost roll his eyes.

“It’s not what I meant, and you know it. Don’t react like that, please,” he started, but you waved your hand in front of you.

“No, no, I got it, you-”

“Y/N, for the love of God, stop being so fucking insecure, it’s getting so fucking annoying at this point! I can’t do anything without you getting fucking doubtful, start having faith in me and in this relationship, dammit!” your eyes widened as Juyeon eventually snapped, his mouth slowly closing as he stared at you, realisation hitting him that his words and tone made a lot of damage once he saw the tears gather in your eyes and roll down your cheeks.

The couch separated the two of you, creating the illusion of a painful wall that made you shiver, feeling like your apartment had lost all of its warmth on the spur of the moment. His words were brutal, and they bounced around your skull, your head turning towards the corridor to swallow the lump forming in your throat, trying not to break down in front of him.

“Y/N, I’m-”

“Leave me alone,” you replied, voice wavering as you walked out of the living room, slamming the bedroom door shut before locking it.

Juyeon sighed and carded his hands through his dark locks, closing his eyes as he thought of the words that had escaped his mouth too quickly. He cursed under his breath as the living room fell into a deafening silence, his hands linked at the back of his neck as he thought of what just happened.

“Why did I say that,” he muttered under his breath and collapsed on the couch, unlocking his phone and scrolling on social media to try and momentarily forget your beautiful face painted with a hurtful expression because of him, but it was to no avail.

He saw what you saw; the fiction, the edits, the collages, he saw and read everything. He already hated seeing you cry and being hurt, but he actually loathed himself for being such an idiot and not comfort you about the whole situation with what was happening on every social platform.

His heart shattered in millions of pieces as he pictured you crying in your shared bed, holding the stuffed animal he got you for your anniversary tight against your chest, letting you drown in your insecurities and intrusive thoughts. He loved you very much, but despite him trying to remind you every single day, your intrusive thoughts always managed to get the upper hand when you found yourself hanging out on your own or with some friends. It was as if your brain shut out everyone who tried to reassure you or make you feel better, letting you drown and struggle in your sorrow.

Yes, the other idols were pretty, but they were nothing compared to you. Juyeon had only eyes for you and cared about you and, of course, his members, but never had he thought about leaving you for someone else. His intentions were just to sound and appear nice and welcoming on TV because he knew that some fans, antis and media wouldn’t hesitate a second to bash him on different platforms and articles for his rudeness and insensitivity towards his idol colleague. And not only would he break his reputation, but also the group’s, and that’s the last thing he wanted.

However, he also understood that it was something hard to watch for you, even if he reminded you every single day that you were the only one that mattered in his eyes.

Sitting on the couch, he started reflecting, putting himself in your shoes for a second. How would he have reacted if he saw you being super friendly and affectionate to another man? Someone more handsome, nicer than him, cracking jokes here and there to see you smile and laugh.

He tossed his phone on the couch space next to him, where he wished you were instead of crying yourself in your shared bed, watching the device bounce, collide with the armrest and fall on the ground. He didn’t even fret checking if the screen cracked, head too high in his thoughts to bother.

Resting his elbows on his knees, he pressed his joined hands against his mouth, tongue poking his inner cheek as he realised he had really messed everything up. His knee started bouncing at the disgusting thought of losing you, perfectly knowing that he had to do something before you could slip through his hand like grains of sand.

Juyeon stood up and knocked on the bedroom door, softly calling for your name.

“Y/N?” he asked, and you didn’t respond, faintly hearing you cry on the other side of the wall. “Go away, please,” your strained voice barely making it to his ears, his fingers drumming against the surface of the door in frustration.

From your side of the bed, still holding that teddy bear close to your chest, you let your tears damp the top of its head, feeling the exhaustion of crying kicking in. Juyeon didn’t knock another time, trying not to push your buttons too much to save his chances to talk to you.

You heard a small thud on the lower part of the door, frowning as you wondered what it was. Deep breathings filled in the silence lingering in the corridor, selfishly feeling a bit relieved that you weren’t the only one hurt in this situation. Juyeon was a smart, tolerant man, he knew when to put his pride aside and not blame you for something you said or did. Well, it’s not the case for this time, and it’s probably exhaustion that spoke for him, and that, of course, doesn’t excuse anything, but he wanted to apologise and make up for everything.

“I know you probably don’t want to see me or hear my voice after what I’ve told you, but I really want to apologise for what I’ve said,” you held your breath to hear his faint, low voice on the other side of the door. You sat up and felt dizzy for a quick second, still holding the teddy bear against your chest, your face buried in its head as you let the tears keep rolling on your cheeks.

“I know it’s hard to date me, and I’m really sorry, I wish we had a simpler life, where we could hang out and go on dates like two normal people. It’s also hard for me to not be the type of boyfriend everyone wishes to have, but I’m so damn grateful to call you mine.” Juyeon marked a pause and ruffled his hair, pushing the front pieces away from his hair while thinking of his following words.

“I… you don’t know how much I’m sorry for using your insecurities against you. I shouldn’t have, it was the dumbest move I could ever do, but I just didn’t know what to answer. You are so pretty, so beautiful, amazing, and absolutely wonderful to have around to me, so seeing you this insecure makes me mad every time you compare yourself to someone you think looks prettier, thinner, or more perfect than you. It’s... really frustrating because I try my best to make you feel like a goddess and worth it every day, but those unrealistic society standards and god damn social media make you feel like you are not worth an ounce of love,” he took in a big breath and raised his knees upwards, letting his forearms rest on them.

You slowly opened the door behind him and dropped the teddy bear by his side, letting him know of your presence. He was quick to notice it and turn around to hug your legs tightly, your hands finding their way in his hair and started massaging his skull.

“I’m so sorry, Ju,” you faintly whispered, and he breathed in deeply against your skin as if he finally found you again after being separated from you for years.

He grabbed your cherished stuffed animal and stood up, holding it against your chest with a tender smile. He sat you down on the bed and gave you a proper hug, mouth pressing loving kisses on your forehead and temple as his hand caressed the back of your head, holding you as close to him as possible.

“I’m so sorry Y/N, I really am. I love you so, so much, I’m really sorry for all the stupid words I’ve thrown at you,” he said, and you shook your head, squeezing your arms around his middle tightly as an answer.

“I guess I have to accept that you have eyes only for me. But you know, it’s hard to acknowledge it and believe it when you find everyone around you ten times more beautiful than you are,” you mumbled against his chest as you sat on his lap, and he nodded, feeling a lump rising in his throat.

“I know Y/N, I know. I wish I could rid you of those insecurities, my heart breaks each time I see you so unsure of yourself. You're just so beautiful and amazing, it honestly kills me to see you like this,” he whispered, and you bitterly chuckled, gently pulling away to look at him with pearly eyes, his arms around you holding you still tight, making sure that you wouldn’t go too far from him.

“You can’t do that, but maybe you can help me soothe them by keeping loving me the way you’ve done since day one,” you mumbled, and he smiled, his eyes shining with tears just like yours.

You both cupped each other’s face and sadly smiled at the other, Juyeon feeling comforted at the sensation of your thumbs wiping the tears away from his cheeks and vice versa.

“We just need time, love, but I promise I’m going to help you realise how much you mean to me and how beautiful you are. And how much I don’t care about other girls,” he mumbled, and he gently drew your face closer to his, your lips grazing against his mouth. You closed your eyes at the proximity, feeling so much love and passion in his kiss that it was getting hard to breathe.

“I love you so much, Y/N,” Juyeon pulled away from your lips and whispered against your mouth, his hot breath mixing with yours.

“I love you too,” you smiled, burying your face in his neck, your boyfriend kissing the crown of your head while hugging you tight.

You giggled as Juyeon applied pressure on your waist, making you fall on your side on the bed. His hand gently cradled your cheek, thumb caressing your cheekbone with a soft smile on his face. You closed your eyes and pressed your forehead against his, feeling him chuckle and gently press his lips against yours.

[crystalirises]

FundXD au thrid part? Maybe the final confrontation between Dreamxd and George? imagine George offering to take Fundy's place, but XD teases him because he obviously only loves Fundy now (before Mumza saves the day!! or whatever you had planned if you already had something in mind).

Not me accidentally posting it separately. But anyway, here's the third part! I'm sorry it took so long, hope you enjoy this.

But yeah anyway, please do take heed of the trigger warnings. This is probably now what I consider the darkest and the most uncomfortable one-shot I've written. Like in terms of themes, yeah I am just: oh wow I wrote this huh...

So yes, please do heed the warnings and do not read it if any of the the warnings make you uncomfortable.

TW: Forced Relationships, Forced Kissing, Forced Marriage, Possessive Behavior, Captivity, Implied Harm, and A Lot of Dark Implications

Ao3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28886223/chapters/84740365

“A radiant day for a wedding, do you not think so, my fox?” If only the mattress could swallow him whole. He buried his face on the silken sheets, pressing the pillow to the top of his head, wondering if he could suffocate himself if he tried really hard enough. “Beloved? You’re quiet.”

He rolled his eyes, holding back the urge to scream.

After a moment, he felt the twist of vines against his ankle, gently pulling him away from underneath the covers. Fundy let himself be dragged, having learned the hard way that clawing at the bed to keep himself from getting dragged was a bad idea. He shuddered at the bad memory.

“My darling star, don’t you agree that today is a splendid day for our wedding?”

No, he did not agree. There was no day where he’d ever even consider marrying the god.

“I don’t feel well. Can we move the wedding?”

“Do not lie.” The room turned colder, the chill of ice piercing through his skin that he nearly buckled underneath the pain. Then in just a second, the cold was gone. He was still in his their bedroom, the sunshine filtering in through the glass-stained windows, bathing the room in a kaleidoscope of color. XD was holding him by the elbow, their spherical head never faltering in its cheery smile, if one can call it a smile. The god pulled him into their embrace, holding him with such warmth that Fundy wanted to cry. They shouldn’t be so comforting. “You are well.”

“Ya…” Fundy felt like throwing up, “...well…”

For a god who had lived as long as the world, XD was not as patient as Fundy had hoped. It had only been a week, but the god had given up on Fundy’s flimsy excuses. Fundy had used every excuse that he knew: headaches, fevers, coughs, even “fainting” that one time XD had actually gotten him to stand on the altar. They had grown tired of waiting. Fundy turned his head towards one corner of the room, their wedding outfits only seemed to mock him. He shivered within the god’s hot touch, XD didn’t seem to notice his discomfort, but they noticed the way he was staring at those, arguably, beautiful outfits. XD led him towards them, holding him by the arms.

“I could change your suit if you wish, anything for you, my fox.” Fundy paled, refusing to look at the suit now that it was in front of him. It was in a beautiful hue of orange pastel, decorated with a pastel green flower pinned to its chest. XD had chosen to wear a dress for the wedding, and if Fundy wasn’t being held there against his will, he might have even blushed at the thought of the god in a dress… walking down the aisle. It was a mostly white dress which faded into a pastel green in the middle and into a forest green at the bottom. “You could wear a dress if yo—”

“No.” Fundy already loathed the suit, he wouldn’t know what he’d do if he had to wear a dress. At least XD didn’t mind, though - and Fundy knew it was stupid to feel - he found it somewhat adorable that XD wanted to wear a dress. The wedding dress suited them, even if Fundy didn’t want to marry them. The god hummed behind him, a low sound that had no lyrical or musical tone to it whatsoever, before picking him up. He shrieked, holding tightly to the god’s shoulders.

“My dear fox, the wedding will be divine, it shall take place the hour between day and night.” Fundy had a few hours of freedom. Then… He clenched his hands, angered that he no longer had his claws to tear into the god’s skin. “The wedding venue has not changed from the last time we tried to marry, but, sweet fox, would you wish for any new changes? What do you wish for?”

His only wish was to go home.

The god leaned down and Fundy knew what was to come. He closed his eyes, letting the god do what they wanted. Maybe he should have heeded his papa’s advice. Maybe he shouldn’t have befriended the god who seemed too kind to be true. Maybe he should have stayed at home and lived a normal life instead of searching for… he didn’t even know anymore. But he knew he missed his home, he missed his dads. He missed the normal life in their little cabin in the fields.

Once the god leaned away from the kiss, Fundy let out a sigh. “I want cake.”

---

“Wil, I love you, but now is the time for your ritualistic shenanigans.”

George tapped his foot on the muddy ground, placing his head in his hands as Wilbur ignored him for the tenth time. Wilbur had refused to say what his secret was, in favor of showing what his secret was. If George had known that said secret would involve Wilbur drawing intricate symbols in the mud, George would have gone deeper into the forest on his own instead.

After a few more seconds of agonizing silence and waiting, Wilbur finally stepped back, gesturing for George to come near him. He raised a brow, choosing to stand beside Wilbur despite the nagging voice in his head telling him to leave and go look for their son. George took in the symbol that Wilbur had drawn. He’d traced a circle in the mud, and within the complex lines, George could make out five symbols. The lines merged to showcase a woman. In her right hand, she held a blade. In her left, there were musical notes and discs emerging from her palm.

At the bottom of the symbol, the lines converged to create a pair of angel wings.

“Wil, is now the time to show me that you can draw—” He cut himself off once Wilbur started to chant under his breath. He stepped back, doubt racing through his mind. George had never been interested in magic, being more talented in redstone and engineering, but he feared those who excelled in the practice. Magic meant gods, and gods meant double-edged deals. “Wilbur…”

The symbol began to glow a light gray hue, the smell of metal and death tainting the air. His fear doubled, but he didn’t try to run off. Nervous as he was, he trusted Wilbur, his dear husband.

A splash of cold landed on his cheek, he brushed it away, but then a downpour of rain began to fall around them. The ground turned muddier, nearly grasping onto their legs. George looked up, furrowing his brows at the sight of sunlight. It was raining despite the warm sun rays that were filtering in through the trees. The intricate symbol wasn’t affected by the sudden storm, its glow intensifying underneath the torrent of water. George didn’t know why, but he felt sick. A sickness that wasn’t nausea, it was worse. Like someone had taken a sharp pickaxe and started to chip away at his heart. He held a hand to his chest, grasping for Wilbur’s arm with the other.

Wilbur’s chanting had grown louder despite the rain, almost like he was fighting against the noise. The light gray glow had taken over the entire drawing, the lines scorched away by its brilliance. Then the world began to shake, and for a moment, George could hear screaming.

He slipped once the earth started to sink. Wilbur pulled him up just as the ground gave way, the symbol had caved in, going deeper and deeper until he could see bright red. He shuddered, but Wilbur held him close. He had half a mind to throw his husband an irritated glare. If his husband would stop with the theatrics for a moment and actually tell George what his secret was, then maybe he wouldn’t be second-guessing everything that's happening right now. He glanced back down at the hole. Wilbur had just opened a gateway to the underworld. Despite the red lights of the underworld, the chasm let out a chilling cold that seeped deep into George’s skin and soul.

“You’re a hellspawn, is that the secret? If so, it was not much of a secret I already knew that, Mr. Soot.” Wilbur rolled his eyes, pressing a kiss to George’s cheek. Once Wil had left George on stable ground, he watched as his husband walked close to the chasm. Wilbur reached down a hand. George wondered if Wilbur was asking to get kidnapped. “Wilbur, the dead can’t help us.”

“You’re correct. Zombies are pretty shit at… everything. Skeletons… perhaps.”

George took a breath through clenched teeth. He knew Wilbur was worried about Fundy too, but he couldn’t afford to waste anymore time with Wilbur and his shenanigans. XD had taken their son, a wish god had taken their son and George knew the god would refuse to let Fundy go.

“Wilbur, please. We need to find Fundy. XD would do anything they could to keep our son from ever leaving them, we have to go.” He pleaded, but Wilbur was too busy looking into the chasm.

George loudly sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. The rain continued to pour around them, and if he didn’t hurry, he’d lose his way down the forest path due to the mud that was beginning to drown everything in its path. He turned to leave, but then a voice broke through the silence.

“A sunshower…? Did you forget to tell your own mum that you're getting married, Wilbur?”

---

Fundy flitted about the room, pressing his hands against his ears as the rain continued to pour outside. He didn’t know why XD had thought it would be romantic to marry one another while a storm threatened to destroy the land, but the constant tapping of the rain on the ground was beginning to grate on his ears. Despite the heavy rain, he hated the warm sunlight even more.

Why couldn’t the weather just be either gloomy or happy? It was a mockery of his life.

He glanced down at his suit, fixing the green flower so it wouldn’t fall off by accident. He didn’t know what XD would do if anything were to ruin their “special day.” He huffed, pressing his head against the glass window. He could see the neverending forest from there. XD had insisted that they live on one of the highest trees in the forest. They wanted to give Fundy a good view.

When XD had first shown him their abode, Fundy had been ecstatic to see the entire forest. He collapsed on a nearby chair, putting his head in his hands. Now everything felt like a big joke.

It was so wonderful before, but he saw through the roses, and now knew their thorns.

He looked back up, worried for a moment that XD would be standing in front of him, ready to whisk him away to the altar. There was a shift of movement at the right side of the forest, perhaps XD reimagining the wedding venue now that the rain had completely ruined the god’s chosen outdoor setting. He took momentary pleasure at the thought of the weather going against the god’s wishes. No, today was not a radiant day for a wedding. But Fundy knew that a “little” storm wouldn’t stop the god. They were too excited, too eager to get the ceremony over with.

Fundy winced, maybe his constant escape attempts had been the cause of that rush. It had only been a week since the god had taken him captive and kept him in their domain, but Fundy had spent every day trying to find a way to escape. He’d given up after the fifth escape… after… Fundy pulled his knees close to his chest. He didn’t want to think about it. But he had to. He had to keep a reminder in his mind about how much he loathed the god and what they’d done to him.

The first attempt wasn’t even an attempt, it was him screaming until XD forced him to sleep.

The second attempt had begun the moment the god had gone into stasis, or the godly equivalent of what was sleep. The god’s hands were wrapped around Fundy, keeping him close to their chest, but Fundy had managed to sneak away after hours of slowly moving. He’d gotten to the door of the bedroom, unlocking it with a bobby pin that he’d found in one of the drawers. He’d gotten down the tree by the time XD realized he was gone. They’d teleported him back to the bedroom, vines growing against the surface of the door, effectively keeping him locked inside.

The third attempt was Fundy painstakingly cutting through the clump of vines after XD had left him to prepare for their wedding. He’d gotten through half of them by the time the god had come back. They’d been disappointed in Fundy, sad that he hadn’t even gotten dressed in his wedding suit yet. Then in a blink of an eye, the vines had grown back, with even more thorns than before. Then XD had whisked him away to the wedding venue, where Fundy then pretended to faint.

The fourth attempt was Fundy getting so frustrated that he took a chair and threw it at one of the windows. The glass shattered on impact, and he’d quickly tried to squeeze through the space, not caring for the shards that pierced his skin. XD had not taken that escape attempt all too lightly.

The fifth and last attempt… he’d convinced XD to give him some sand and gunpowder.

The god had been furious, even more so than what they’d been after the fourth escape attempt. Fundy had nearly killed himself in the process and had even attacked XD out of anguished rage.

Well… XD made sure Fundy could never attack them again.

Fundy sniffed, wiping at his tears. He didn’t want to be crying at his own wedding.

---

It was odd to have a wedding without a wedding officiator. Fundy kept his gaze on his hands, his fingers trembling each time XD traced his knuckles with their thumb. He could feel his throat dry up, his head heavy with nausea that he thought he was actually going to faint and fall over.

“Do I take Fundy Lore-Soot as my lawfully wedded husband?” XD paused, “I do.”

Fundy found it ridiculous. XD had taken up the mantle of wedding officiator, and if Fundy didn’t know any better, he would think that he was part of some comedic play or some big cosmic joke.

“And do you, Fundy Lore-Soot, take the god of wishes, XD, as your lawfully wedded spouse?”

Fundy gritted his teeth, he could feel the god’s magic in his throat. He could barely breathe a few seconds ago, but now it felt like he needed to speak like his life depended on it. “I do. I do. I do.”

He trembled, uncontrolled anger racing through his veins. It was torture to say ‘I do’ once, but the god forced him to say it three times, like Fundy was as desperate as them to get married. XD pulled him close, their gaze hot against his skin. He wished he would melt, that he could melt against the god’s touch and be swallowed by the grass. Anything that could set him free.

“Then by the power vested in me as the god of wishes, I now pronounce us married for eternity.”

The god leaned close, “I may now kiss the groom.” Fundy tried to move back, but the god had formed one more pair of hands. One hand held his hands, curled gently around his wrists. One hand was cupping him by the waist. One hand was on his chin, pulling his face up and towards them. The last hand was at the back of his head, pushing him forward and keeping his head in place. He closed his eyes, losing himself in his mind, refusing to accept what was happening. He focused on the life he’d lost, and his dads who would no doubt why he never came back to them.

After what felt like a lifetime, the god finally let him go.

Well, they didn’t. But they’d stopped kissing him in favor of picking him up.

XD laid him down on the altar.

Fundy blinked, holding onto one of XD’s hands out of fear. The god chuckled at the “endearing” display. “H-hey… the wedding’s over, ya? Time to head home, right? W-what are you doing?”

“The ceremony is not yet over, my star.” XD tilted their head, “You are still mortal.”

Any thread of cooperation they had established broke with that proclamation. Fundy screamed, pushing himself away from the altar just as a series of golden chains rose up from its sides. They wrapped around his arms and his legs, pulling him back down on the altar’s marble surface. He wailed, tears slipping past his eyes. He thought he’d only endure it for this lifetime, that the god would have no choice but to give him up to death at some point in the future. XD watched his struggle, summoning an intricate dagger. “Don’t worry, my sweet fox, I shall make it painless.”

“I OBJECT!”

---

George pushed past the leaven doors, not caring that the action caused the whole entrance way to collapse to a flimsy pile of autumn leaves. He stood at the end of the wedding venue, drenched from the rain. His heart beated loudly in his chest, his ears ringing as he made his way down the aisle. Wilbur was still by the entrance. George had told him to wait before he actually entered.

“Papa—” Fundy’s scream was cut off with a hand, the god having swiveled around to face whoever had dared to ruin their perfect day. George kept walking down the aisle, anger racing through his bones. His son looked so frightened. He clearly didn’t want to be marrying the god.

“Let him go, XD.”

“Why ever shall I do such a thing, my dearest friend, Georgenotfound? I have no intention of ever letting my newly wedded husband leave me. My old friend, I believe you are a few seconds too late. Fundy and I are married.” He heard Fundy scream out a protest, muffled by the hand that the god had left. George could see the tears on their son’s face, and his gaze turned towards the dagger that the god was carrying. He took the chance to look behind him, catching Wilbur’s pale gaze. His husband was looking at the dagger. “Leave before I cast you out. You are tresp—”

“I’ll take his place.”

The only sound that could be heard was Fundy’s fit of screaming. Wilbur was silent. XD had merely tilted their head, the god’s cold gaze meeting George’s eyes, piercing right through the goggles that he wore. He swallowed down the sickness he felt at the thought of marrying the go. XD had been his best friend once, and George had never thought of them in any other way. But the god had taken his friendship as romantic affection. “Fundy doesn’t love you.” The god reeled back, the ‘XD’ carved symbol on their head disappearing, only to return as golden chains that surrounded their white spherical head. “You and I know he doesn’t love you, and neither did I.”

George shook his head, “But I am willing to stay with you if you let him go.”

He met his son’s eyes, holding Fundy’s gaze for as long as he could. He worried it might be the last time they’d ever see each other again… if it went wrong… George shook his head. It won’t go wrong. He turned back to the god, the chains still present. “We could pretend like nothing has changed. I could stay here with you for all of eternity. We could be friends again, you and I. It must have been lonely when I left. You were never really great with making friends with others. We could try again. Just you and me, stuck in this forest forever. Like how it used to be. I won’t run away anymore. I won’t leave you ever again. Let Fundy go, and I’ll stay with you forever.”

The god was silent. For a moment, George thought they would agree. Then the ground disappeared from underneath him and a large hand was painfully gripping him by the leg. “No.”

Sharp cold pierced through his leg. The god glared down at him, “You are nothing to me.”

XD looked over at Fundy, “He… He is everything to me now.”

George placed his arms over his head, preparing himself for the fall. He heard the loud screech, and then his leg was free. He closed his eyes, but instead of hard earth, he fell into a pair of warm arms. He opened his eyes, embarrassingly laughing once he’d realized that Wilbur had caught him. His husband placed him back down, looking at his leg with worry when George stumbled. It wasn’t broken, but XD’s sharp cold magic would keep him from properly walking for a while.

Wilbur helped him away from the angered god. George looked up, watching as the hand that was previously holding him rotted away. XD screeched, turning to them, their golden chains glowing with a blinding light. A scythe appeared within view, striking the wish god right on their face.

The Goddess of Death entered the wedding venue, a disappointed look in her eyes.

“You should have let my grandson go, God of Wishes.”

=============================================================

Ambiguous ending but uh... I have preferred ending and it's def not the bad one.

Clarification for the title (which can't be seen here but is in the ao3 version): So a sunshower is a weather phenomenon where it is raining despite there still being sunshine. While the rain is not as heavy as a storm, I changed the rain here to be that like a rainstorm despite the sunlight that is still present. The reason for this is because where I'm from (or at least according to my mother) when a sunshower happens, that means a kapre and a white lady are getting married (or well, other Filipino mythological legends are getting married).

I just think with XD here being a somewhat monster of a god... well, poor Fundy having to marry him.

The sunshower is basically an indication here that a god is getting married, that's why Mumza asked Wilbur if he was getting married (also Wilbur is the god of music here, not all that powerful against a wish god).

[markandlexies]

The One With Will and JJ’s Wedding - Part 2

Summary: Based off of 7.24 and 8.01 of Friends! During Will and JJ’s wedding, the group finds out who is actually pregnant and try to figure out who the father is, a mysterious red sweater being their only clue.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader (eventually lol)

Word Count: 4.1k

A/N: Hey! Thanks for the love on the last chapter! I apologize that there is barely any Spence and Reader rn but it’ll def pick up in the next chapter! Keep sending responses and requests! I love to hear from you guys! And yes, I picked this gif on purpose. Enjoy! 

Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3

While the guests of the evening went on to party and get plastered, you, Spencer, Emily, Hotch, Penelope, Derek and Rossi had stayed to take pictures with the newly weds.

You, Emily and Penelope sat and watched while JJ and Will took photos with the men. 

While the cameraman changed film, Morgan leaned over to JJ and whispered, “Okay, I-I know, I’m not supposed to know but I do and I am so excited for you!”

Clearly not being as low as he thought he was being, Spencer’s head perked up, “Wait, what’s going on?”

Before JJ could even respond, Morgan cheered, “JJ’s pregnant!”

Hotch and Rossi’s heads immediately turned at the news and they broke out in huge smiles. 

“Oh my God, JJ!” Spencer smiled, pulling her into a hug.

Will just laughed to himself as Rossi followed with two kisses to the cheek and Hotch gasped with a, “This is great news!”

“Thank you guys, but I’m not pregnant!”

“Oh, slow swimmers?” Rossi asked Will who gave him a bewildered look. 

“W-what?! What do you mean, you’re not pregnant?” Morgan clearly confused. 

JJ pinched the bridge of her nose, “Derek, you didn’t tell anyone I was, did you?”

“No…” he paused. “I’ll be right back.”

While Derek scurried away to go correct the mess he had made, JJ turned to Spencer, ushering him to go after the man and make sure he didn’t make the situation any worse. As he left, the cameraman told Rossi and Hotch they were free to leave and it was now turn for the pictures with the bridesmaids. 

Waltzing up to the pair, Penelope asked, “JJ, why’d you tell the guys you weren’t pregnant?”

“Because I’m not!” She replied, clearly fed up with having to go through this so many times.

Emily rolled her eyes, “We found your test in the garbage, I mean, if you’re not pregnant than-“

You looked up and stared at Emily with desperate eyes, hoping she would understand what you were trying to tell her. Her mouth flew open for only a split second as she caught on, “It’s because I am.”

JJ and Will looked at each other in shock as the cameraman continued to snap pictures of the conversation beforehand. You wanted to tell him to stop and that this was something you never wanted to remember.

Before the two could even get a word out, Penelope shrieked, “What are you talking about?!”

“I-It’s true. Um, I am with child. I just didn’t want to say anything because it’s your day!” Emily explained and you prayed they were buying it. “I didn’t wanna steal your thunder!”

JJ’s hand flew to her forehead as she tried to comprehend this. “Wait a minute, so you thought telling people I was pregnant was a better idea?” 

“Emily, who’s the father?” Will asked.

“I-I can’t say.”

-

While JJ and Will were having their first dance, Emily found it as the perfect opportunity to interrogate you.

“Y/N, what the hell!?” she scream whispered, taking the seat next to yours.

“Thank you for doing that, Em. I just can’t deal with the stress right now of telling everyone,” you sighed, grabbing her hand and giving her a soft smile.

Emily’s harsh expression fell and she squeezed your hand back. “God, Y/N/N, why didn’t you just tell me? You didn’t have to pretend JJ was the pregnant one!”

“I mean technically you said she was, I just didn’t disagree with you!”

“Sneaky!” she gasped. 

“Listen, I wanna talk about it… but I’m just not ready yet,” you sighed, hoping she would understand.

“Yeah, yeah! Of course…”

There was a pause. 

“Are you ready to talk about it now?”

“Em, no.”

She nodded and there was another pause.

“Now?”

“No!”

“Okay, fine! We’ll talk about something else!” she said defensively throwing her hands in the air. You nodded, silently thanking her for her long awaited cooperation.

“So, who’s the father?”

You rolled your eyes, flicking her in the head which earned you an ‘Ow!’.

“Look, I haven’t told him yet so until I do, I don’t think I should tell anybody else,” you whispered.

“No, yeah. That’s fair, I understand… Is it Hotch?” 

Your eyes nearly bugged out of your head as you scolded her, “Emily, no!”

“Fine, I’ll stop!” She apologized. “It’s Reid, isn’t it?”

You groaned, putting your face in your hands.

She gasped before whispering, “Oh God, don’t tell me it’s Derek’s!”

She continued to guess as you ignored her and drowned her out, your eyes focusing on him just across the room. He was laughing at something Rossi had said and you couldn’t help the guilt you felt flooding through your chest, knowing you were holding in information that would soon flip his entire world upside down.

The guests broke out into cheers and applause as JJ and Will concluded they’re dance, sharing a kiss before they parted. You kicked Emily in the shin as you noticed JJ walking towards your table, begging her to stop listening off names of men that could possibly be your baby daddy.

“Hello, my beautiful best friends and bridesmaids!” She gushed hugging you both from the back. 

You smiled back up at her as she took a seat next to you and noticed Derek and Garcia making their way to your table next.

Grinning, Derek held out his hand to Emily and said, “Come on, Prentiss, I know you’re dying to move that thing out on the dance floor!”

She laughed grabbing his hand and letting him lead her to the crowd of dancing friends and family while Penelope took her seat.

“She better be having all the fun she can right now, pretty soon she’s gonna be all miserable and in pain with a baby inside of her, making life hell.” Penelope laughed, watching her two best friends make a fool of themselves dancing provocatively.

You nervously laughed, breaking off a piece of bread from the bowl infront of you.

JJ shook her head, “I can’t believe it, you guys! I mean, how dumb do you have to be to get pregnant?”

You snapped your head up at the bride, “Hey, you know, sometimes you can do everything right, everyone can wear what they’re supposed to wear and one of those little guys just gets through!” 

JJ met your eyes and furrowed her brows at your defensive tone. Before she could respond, Garcia asked, “How?”

“Ugh, I don’t know! Maybe they have tools!” You sighed, defeated.

“Listen, I talked to her, and she said she’s having this baby. She said she’s gonna raise it all on her own…” JJ shrugged, smoothing down her dress. 

“Well… maybe that’s really brave of her…” you started to say, a wave of nausea hitting you for the third time that day.

“I just hope she realizes how hard it’s gonna be. How is she gonna handle this financially? How is she gonna juggle work? I mean, does she realize she’s not gonna have a date again for the next 18 years?” Penelope sighed, putting her chin in her hand, watching her poor knocked up friend on the dance floor.

At Penelope’s words, suddenly tears were threatening to spill and you felt JJ’s eyes on you. You knew it wouldn’t be easy of course, but the girls were making some valid points that had never even crossed your mind. Your thoughts were interrupted by the waiter behind you, “Champagne?”

“Oh yes, please!” Penelope cheered taking two and passing one to you. JJ had taken one and politely thanked the waiter as he left.

You let out a sigh of relief, desperately needing something to take the edge off as you brought the lovely beige liquid up to your lips and took a sip. You had then realized what you were doing and stopped in your tracks, eyes wide. Looking down slowly, you spit the contents back into your glass, hoping the girls didn’t notice.

“Oh, th-that’s actually how the French drink it…” you stammered as you looked up at the girls who’s eyes were about to pop out of their heads.

JJ raised her finger and pointed at you as Penelope draped her hand over her mouth. 

“O-Oh my-“

Before she could get out the words, Emily waltzed back over to the table, “Well I sure hope this baby gets my dancing genes because let me tell you, this ass doesn’t quit!” She took a seat next to Penelope, completely oblivious to what was just realized.

JJ rolled her eyes before saying, “Oh, give it up! Y/N’s really the one who’s pregnant?!”

“What?!” Emily shouted, pretending to be in shock.

She was met with eyes of unamusement. 

“Oh, why bother?” She sighed, giving up the act.

“Y/N/N, how do you feel?” Penelope asked, concern washing over her face.

“I don’t know… I don’t know how I feel. This is all happening so fast and I have to make all these decisions that I don’t want to make!” You whined, bringing the champagne to your lips again, quickly spitting it out as you remembered you were with child. “Oh, someone just take this away from me!”

JJ grabbed it from your hands and set it down as Emily came to a realization, “You know, maybe you’re not even pregnant! Theres false positives all the time!”

Penelope nodded in agreement, “Yeah! Are you sure you peed on the stick right?”

“How many ways are there to do that?”

“Just relax, okay? Don’t freak out until you’re 100% sure.” Penelope said, giving your hand a gentle squeeze. 

“Yeah… you’re right. I’ll take another one when I get home.”

“What? Come on! You gotta take it now! It could be your wedding present to me!” JJ begged.

You nodded, agreeing that you would do it.

Penelope cheered, “Ooh! Yay, I’ll run out and go get you one!” 

“Wait-“ JJ gasped, stopping Penelope in her tracks. “Who’s the father?!”

Emily rolled her eyes, “Oh, please. I’ve been trying all day. She won’t say.”

 “It’s my wedding! Come on, you gotta tell me! That could be my present!”

“Hey, I just gave you peeing on a stick as your present!”

-

“How much longer?” You asked, pacing the bathroom floor.

“Thirty seconds.” Penelope replied, holding the little stick in her hands.

JJ barged through the door, “Did I miss it?”

Emily shook her head, as she tried to calm you down, rubbing small circles on your back. You were so scared, as if the responsibility of being a mother wasn’t enough, you still had to tell the father too.

JJ walked over to you, grabbing your hands. “Y/N/N, I want you to know that if it’s positive… we’re- we’re gonna-“ She couldn’t even finish her sentence, but she didn’t need to.

“I know…” You smiled, tears threatening to spill. You knew that no matter what the results were, you had your girls.

“It’s time.”

You dropped JJ’s hands and walked over to Garcia, who was handing you the test.

You held it in your hands as Garcia put a comforting hand on your shoulder. “I-I can’t look at it. Someone else look at it for me, please?”

Emily nodded understanding your apprehension and took it gently from you, also picking up the little instruction book to decipher what the lines meant. JJ and Garcia both waited in anticipation.

There was a pause.

“It’s negative.”

You turned, meeting her eyes. “What?”

“It’s negative.” She repeated.

“Oh…” You frowned, tears back at the surface. “Would you look at that?” You forced out a laugh. “That is, that’s great. That is really great, great news.” You stammered.

“You know cause the whole… not being ready and the financial aspects.” You continued. “Wow, this is just so the way this is supposed to be.” While your words may have sounded convincing, the look on your face gave it all away. You sighed as JJ walked over to you, “Well then, thats great…” she whispered, trying to read your emotions.

Tears had started to fall and Garcia went and grabbed tissues handing them to you at an alarmingly fast rate. “This is so stupid!” You choked out, dabbing at your eyes. “How could I be upset over something I never had?” As the words left your mouth, JJ wrapped you in a hug, Garcia quick to follow.

As you clung to them, you looked up once more and looked up at Emily who was still standing in the same spot. “God, it’s really negative?” 

“No, it’s positive.” She smiled.

JJ and Penelope turned around and looked at her, their jaws dropped. You let out a gasp, your hand covering your mouth. “What?!”

“I-I lied… It’s positive.”

JJ turned to you in shock, wiping at the tears that had formed around her own eyes.

“Oh my God…” Garcia cried as Emily passed you the test to look for yourself. 

“Now you know how you really feel about it!” Emily smiled.

“Oh, thats a risky little game!” 

JJ’s smile was radiant as she stood beside you to also get a look at the little stick in your hand. “Are you really gonna do this?”

“Yeah…” You muttered, eyes still leaking with tears. “I’m gonna have a baby…”

“I’m gonna have a baby!” You cheered as you were met with three pairs of open arms. You all wept in happiness together before Garcia pulled back and asked, “With who?”

“It’s still not the time!”

-

The wedding had finally ended and the following day, you, Emily and Penelope were all sitting around in JJ and Will’s apartment, like usual.

As the conversation about the previous day had died down, you had decided to finally speak up.

“Guy’s, today I’m gonna tell the father of the baby.”

The girls cheered in excitement, not being able to wait any longer for the big reveal. 

“It is so weird! I mean, you’re gonna tell this guy today and he has no idea what’s gonna happen!” JJ pointed out, taking a sip from the coffee mug in her hands.

“Yeah, you’re just gonna knock on his door and change his life forever!” Emily added. 

“Yeah… I guess it is pretty big news…” you sighed, taking a seat next to JJ on the couch. 

“Pretty big? It’s huge! God this guy doesn’t have a clue. He’s just walking down the street thinking, ‘I had sex with Y/N Y/L/N! I rock!’ Then bam!” Penelope clapped her hands. “Now he’s a father, everything’s different.

“Well it’s only gonna be different if he wants it to be. I mean, I’m not gonna ask him for anything…” You defended, anxiously running your hands through your hair.

“Well, he still has this huge decision to make. Now he’s walking around thinking, ‘Do I want to be a dad?’ and then, bam!” Penelope exclaimed clapping her hands again, never finishing her sentence.

“What was that bam?” JJ asked.

“I don’t know. H-he’s hit by a bus or something.”

Before you had time to process Penelope’s words, Morgan walked through the door, immediately sauntering over to the fridge.

“Hey, Derek, what would you do if someone that you slept with told you she was pregnant?” You asked, craving a guy’s perspective.

Slamming the fridge door he looked up at you wide eyed. “Who called here?!” 

The girls rolled their eyes as his panicked expression only continued. “Did she sound blonde? Did she have an accent?! I gotta make a call-“ He began to run towards the door.

“Derek! Derek, it’s not you! You didn’t get anybody pregnant!” You called out to him, making him stop in his tracks.

He let out a sigh of relief, clutching his chest. “Why would you scare me like that?! What the hell’s going on?”

There was a long silence as Derek made his way over to the living room, raising a finger. “Is somebody pregnant?”

You scoffed, trying to play off your nervousness, before you turned to Emily, giving her those same desperate eyes from the night before. 

“Oh, yeah! That’s me!” Emily laughed awkwardly.

“Oh my God! Em! You’re gonna have a baby?” He gasped, walking towards her.

“Yes, yes I am.” She said smiling as he walked up and pulled her into a hug.

Derek was so excited for her he almost forgot to ask the most important question. “Wait- who’s the father?”

“You don’t know him. It’s not important. He wants nothing to do with me or the baby.” 

Derek’s jaw was on the floor. “Who is this guy?! Huh? Cause I will track him down and kick his ass!”

Emily was at a loss for words as Penelope spoke up, “I know she doesn’t want to say it… but his name is Kevin Lynch!”

That was all Derek had to hear as he angrily turned away and stormed out of the apartment, muttering the name ‘Kevin Lynch’ under his breath. 

As the door slammed shut, all three of you turned your heads to Garcia. 

“Pen, who’s Kevin Lynch?”

“Oh, some guy from work. He’s a little annoying.” She shrugged.

-

A couple of hours later, you found yourself sitting alone in O’Keefes, nursing a cup of tea with a racing mind. You had played the conversation from earlier in your head a million times, you were so scared to drop this bomb on him. You didn’t want to make him feel obligated to care for you and the baby.

While you freaked out, Emily, and Penelope stayed in the apartment trying to stop JJ from opening up all the wedding presents without Will.

Derek had quickly barged through the door. “Um, Emily…”

“Yeah, what is it?”

“Alright, sit down. I have something I wanna say!” Emily obliged and took the seat, not without clutching her stomach and giving her non existent baby a small pat. “It’s a scary world out there, especially for a single mother.”

JJ and Penelope listened intently, having no idea where this was going. “Now, I’ve always felt you and me have had this special connection, a special bond…” He had crouched down, getting on one knee, pulling a box from his back pocket. The girls gasped. 

“Emily Prentiss… will you marry me?”

Emily was in awe looking between Derek and the ring. 

“Oh my God!” JJ exclaimed, rolling her eyes.

“Derek, what about me? I thought we promised that if we both weren’t married within the next ten years, we were each others backup plan!” Garcia croaked.

“Derek-” JJ started walking towards the two but was cut off by Emily excitedly putting the ring on her finger. “Hell yeah I’ll marry you!”

“Em, you can’t marry him-“

“Hey, lady, your day’s over. It’s my turn!” She retorted, grinning down at the hand.

“Hey! Why can’t she marry me?”

Penelope stood up this time. “Because she’s not pregnant! It’s Y/N! Y/N’s pregnant!”

“Hey!” Emily whined. 

“I think he would notice when you didn’t have a baby in nine months!”

“Oh please, it’s Derek!” Emily complained. There was really no arguing with that.

“Wait so if Y/N’s pregnant, who’s the father?” Derek asked in shock.

“That’s the thing, we don’t know.”

There was a silence before Derek was struck with realization. “You know… about a month ago, this guy spent the night with Y/N… now I didn’t see who it was, but…” and just like that he walked out.

“Was that story over?” Garcia asked as the trio followed him out to his apartment across the hall.

Derek emerged from his room holding a bright red sweater. The girl’s gasped as Penelope took it from Derek’s hands. 

“Oh my God, I know who the father is!”

-

The next morning, you and Penelope began to walk to O’Keefes. Before you could open the door, she reached out to stop you. 

“I have a surprise for you!”

“Pen… what is it?” You asked reluctantly.

“I called the father for you!” She said smiling.

“You what?! How did you even know-“ You stopped as she showed you the bright red sweater you had been pulling off just a month ago. You gasped.

“I believe this belongs to the father of your baby!” She gushed, holding it up.

“Oh, God… he’s in there right now?”

“Yep! You got this, Pretty Girl. Just go in there and rip the bandaid off!” And with that she pushed you inside and you were met with the eyes of your ex, Luke Alvez. Honestly you were surprised Penelope had even called him, she had genuinely never liked the guy.

“L-Luke?” You managed to choke out as you sat in the chair across from him.

Penelope followed you to the table, already rolling her eyes at the man in front of her. “Y/N has something to tell you.” She pulled the sweater from behind her back. “I believe this belongs to you.”

Luke gave a confused look as he began to pull down the zipper of his jacket. “Actually, no. This is my red sweater.”

You immediately put your head in your hands as Penelope’s jaw dropped.

“Oh no…” She stuttered. It was silent. “Can I get anyone a coffee… or a poison? No? Just for me? Oh, okay!” And with that she ran away, knowing she had messed up big time.

“So, what’s up, Y/N?” He asked, smiling at you.

“I’m sorry, Luke. But Pen made a mistake-“

“You know I’m actually glad she called. I’ve been meaning to reach out and see if maybe you’d be interested in getting drinks sometime soon. I really miss… us.” He confessed, grabbing your hand.

“This isn’t a great time…” you trailed off.

“Trust me, it is. I’m ready to be fully committed and mature this time around, Y/N.”

“Luke-“

“Come on, let’s give us another try.”

“Luke, I’m having a baby.” You gulped, him dropping your hand at the speed of light.

There was a long pause.

“You can go.” He didn’t even think twice before running out of O’Keefes at the speed of light.

-

You and Penelope walked back to JJ’s in silence. You weren’t mad at her, you knew she was only trying to help. You were more mad at yourself for not having the courage to just tell the actual father the truth.

You walked in the door, placing the red sweater and your bag on the kitchen table. Derek was the first person to speak up.

“How did Luke take it?”

“One, Luke isn’t the father!” You huffed. “And two, who told Derek?!”

You looked around at JJ and Emily’s guilty faces as Derek interjected. “Y/N… I am so happy for you.” He pulled you into a hug, being careful not to squeeze you too hard, and you couldn’t help but smile.

“Oh, wow, you didn’t even try to unhook my bra this time!” You exclaimed as he pulled back. He laughed before he got down on one knee in front of you. You looked behind you at the girls in shock as they rolled their eyes.

He shook his head and grabbed your hand. “Listen, it’s a scary world out there, especially for a single mom. I’ve always thought that you and I have this special bond, you know? So, Y/N Y/L/N…” He smiled softly up at you. “Will you marry me?”

“What?” you sputtered along with JJ and Emily and Garcia who let out an, “Again?!”

“Emily! Give me the ring back!” He whispered, never breaking eye contact with you.

“No!”

“Oh, Derek! You’re so sweet! But I’m not looking for a husband.” You sighed, ushering him to stand up.

He frowned and nodded, “It’s fine… I understand.”

You smiled softly as you gathered your belongings. “Now, if you will, excuse me I’m gonna go and lie down.” You left the room with a wave to the rest of the girls, promising to see them later. There was a lot on your mind and you just needed a second to breathe.

As the door closed, Emily walked up to Derek, shaking her head. “I can’t say that didn’t hurt.” JJ pinched the bridge of her nose, not believing this was still going on. “But I’ll take you back Derek Morgan.”

“Um, Em… About that-“ Saved by the bell, Spencer and Hotch walked in the room, greeting everybody with a wave. 

Morgan jumped up, trying to distract Emily from the previous conversation, “Look everybody! Spencer’s here!” He chuckled nervously. Hotch rolled his eyes and raised his hands up, clearly offended by being ignored.

Spencer looked around confused before just deciding to ignore Morgan’s strange behavior that he was so used to.

“Anyway, you guys ready to go to that movie-“ He began to feel around his pockets, groaning as he realized he had forgotten something. “Hold that thought, I forgot my wallet.” He began to walk out but was immediately stopped short as he noticed something on the table. 

“Hey! My sweater-“ He spoke, walking over to where it was laying, picking it up and examining it.

“I’ve been looking for this, for like, a month!” He laughed, before walking out.

JJ, Emily and Penelope all looked around, mouths dangling open.

“Oh my God!”

“No way!”

“It’s Reid!”

Morgan looked at the girls with a puzzled expression. They just started back at him waiting for the realization to come, which hit five seconds later.

“Oh my God!” He yelled, pointing to where Spencer had just left. 

Hotch looked around confused. 

“Did I miss something?”

[whump-town]

Give and Take

This one's for you @genevievedarcygranger

I couldn't even tell you what this is about but it's something? Like about Hotch? I'm pretty sure there is no plot so just buckle in or whatever. I don't know, this is weird

The key to building a profile, to standing before someone and piecing together the important parts of their character, is to figure which parts of themselves they give to you and which parts they accidentally show. Most people are fairly easy to read (which is the optimal word, really. No one wants to be profiled but most people don’t mind a little reading on them. Makes them feel special, understood). The thing about secrets, about people, is that they always carry their burdens. It’s like any wound, you naturally lean to protect what hurts. And when once you figure out what hurts, when you can spot the source of the blood you’ll find no matter how advanced a species humans pretend to be, we still have the look of a wounded animal. A dog backed into the corner of an alley. A lame cat waiting to see if swift justice will rain down.

And the wound being protected speaks measures but more importantly…

It’s the reaction-- what happens when the wounds been found and what they anticipate the reaction will be to it.

But, hey, that’s all complicated nonsense. Take it with a grain of salt. Honestly, people always tell you everything that you need to know about them. Especially when they have something to hide.

The first time that Aaron Hotchner ever saw a dead body he was twelve.

The river is unforgiving. That May had brought treacherous storms. Drops of rain that fell so hard, so roughly they’d leave welts on exposed skin. Children still marched to school with the threat of their umbrellas being snapped out of small hands and the wind pushing back clothing, trying to disrobe them as they fought against its pushing hand.

Two days of hard rainfall had the river spewing over the bridge in town. Spitting up its murky water like a well-fed newborn, leaving the fallen limbs of trees and dead fish to rot in the sun. By the time the storm blew over the children were as unsettled as the river itself. Jittery with energy, begging for release. So, out they went. Mothers called from their front porches, father’s leveled threatening fingers-- stay away from the river.

It’ll suck you in and it’ll never let you go.

Johnny Martin was three years older than Hotch. He’d failed kindergarten, first grade, and the seventh grade and was generally regarded as a pointless child, someone to look over. Nobody worth a damn fails that many grades, you know? Nobody worth giving a second chance to let alone a third and a fourth. Except it wasn’t that Johnny was intellectually any different than the other kids. It was just as simple as his father was a nobody, a heavy drinker, and his mother was a weak, dreadful sight. So no one ever tried. His teachers didn’t pay him any attention. No one did, really.

That’s probably why he drowned.

He was bloated, Hotch didn’t even know what he was looking at for a moment. There was a cut across his face, the skin raised around the edges that nearly made it look like pursed lips. A panting mouth. Then he’d seen the eyes, bulging and red. He hadn’t screamed, wasn’t even afraid. No point in wasting the energy on something like that. The real things worth fearing lived at home.

He never told anyone about Johnny Martin.

They found his body a little while after Hotch did. A group of twenty-somethings trampling through the woods with their artfully rolled joints wedged in cigarette cartons and the cheapest beer they could afford. He climbed up a tree, watched them call the cops, and take Johnny Martin away.

For a week, he watched everyone pretend like they gave a shit about Johnny Martin. Heard his English teacher profess some make-believe story and saw the tears glimmer in her eyes. In death, Johnny Martin became a whole person. For the first time in Johnny Martin’s entire life, he wasn’t a ghost, he was a boy. A living thing for which people felt remorse, for which people mourned.

When they’d never looked at him before.

Hotch wanted to know if that’s all it took. Is death really all he needed to become a whole person? For someone to notice the cigarette burns on his arms or to look at him? To notice him? Is absence the only way to be known?

He’s only told the general outline of that story twice. Once while drunk at a college party, one of the few places that sort of talk is welcome. “What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever seen?” And they circle around to him. Expectant eyes filled with the reflection of the flames of the fire dancing. He’d been thinking about his father’s office. The sound of the gunshot filling the house. Walking slowly down the hall, still stepping around the weak points in the floor so that he wouldn’t make a sound. Standing there looking at the blood splattered on the roof.

They put heart attack on the official death certificate. Illegal, sure, but not as ugly as suicide. Besides, a man like Richard Hotchner’s reputation would be ruined by his final actions. That couldn’t happen. So he’d been given a hero’s goodbye. A veteran of the Korean war sent off to the sound of his widow’s sobs, his two sons standing like little soldiers.

But that sort of thing ruins the mood. Kills the vibe so artfully created by the warmth of the dying fire and the joints being passed around.

So he tells them about Johnny Martin.

They hang onto his every word.

When he tells Dave it’s a diversion.

He’s laying in a hospital bed, the morphine has him slurring a bit but he’s talking more than Dave’s ever heard out of him. The kid hardly makes a peep for the three months he’s been working with them and he gets tossed down a few sets of stairs and he’s suddenly impossible to shut up. Dave was just trying to fret over him, expressing some concern until Haley could get here to do the heavy lifting. He ends up with more than he bargained for.

“No, s’okay. I’ve seen dead bodies, sir. Promise.”

Hotch tells him about Johnny Martin, curates a similar story to the one he told that night around the fire.

He’s a good storyteller and, though Dave can tell which elements of the story have been shifted for his enjoyment there are truths in all lies. Dave wants to ask what Hotch means when he mumbles out that part about ghosts, he doesn’t catch the exact wording but the implication. His dismissiveness towards Johnny Martin “some people you never notice, they’re just ghosts and there’s nothing you can do to change, to be seen”. Dave doesn’t ask what Hotch means by that and he still manages to find his answer.

Hotch has this tendency to step back. All his manners and smiles are for flourish, Southern hospitality that allows him to nimbly work his way through a crowd. Secretly, he’s an introvert. He always finds his way to the corner of the room, back facing the wall and watching. It’s where he’s most relaxed, where he’s unnoticed.

A ghost.

But even ghosts can be found out.

Even ghosts give a little bump in the night.

Aaron Hotchner doesn’t actually believe in ghosts but for a week he thinks he might. It freaks him out so bad that he tells Derek but he’s lost so much sleep freaking out over this that he mostly just sounds a little crazy. The fact that he tells Derek speaks measures but before everyone else, Derek was who he relied on and Derek is who he falls back on.

There was a broken plate in the kitchen, a plate that he didn’t break because he’d only gone to the living room. He couldn’t tell what it was but there had been this strange scratching. Then the plate fell. Honestly, he tore off. Ran to his bedroom and to Haley and when she asked what that sound was he said he hadn’t heard anything. Though he didn’t tell Derek that part, he more or less crawled into Haley’s arms and laid there until he felt safe again. Until her half-conscious rubbing at his back lulled him back to sleep.

They didn’t die so at least it wasn’t a serial killer.

It’s a cat.

Hotch’s ghost is a cat.

An old mangy orange thing that Hotch reluctantly takes into the house, Haley names him Casper. Naturally, she can’t let it go. Her husband the bravely trained, frequently praised federal agent tucking and running because an elderly cat had managed to let itself into their home.

Derek asks her about it, the ghost, the next time they all go out for drinks and she makes him swear to secrecy but he tells the others.

Not that day, nearly a year or more later.

After New York.

Penelope Garcia stays up all night watching what she thinks is going to be her friend’s last hours. Watches Hotch get tossed like a rag doll by a car bomb, and land discarded out of the view of the cameras. Just gone and she’s torn between not wanting to know and knowing she has to look. No matter what she’s going to see, she has to go on. They sift through the recording, speeding up the time-lapse. She watches him slowly gain consciousness over a stretch of twenty minutes, all taking place in less than a minute for her. Sees him stumble as he tries to stand, sagging against a street lamp and gagging up nothing. His stomach was too empty.

He’s disoriented, limping around the road.

Then came Sam.

The kid who tried to kill Hotch standing over his shoulder, touching his arm, and so close, so dangerously close. She cries, sits there and cries as she urges Derek to be faster. What if he has to finish the job? Kate was moving around, they were both alive, but Hotch can’t protect her. He can hardly stand.

He screams himself hoarse.

As Derek runs up on them all he can smell is burning rubber and blood. He’s breathing oddly, too quickly and his ribs aren’t moving the right way but Derek can see Hotch. He’s right there coherently speaking, words clear. So it doesn’t matter, the blood-splattered out on the road and running down Hotch’s collar.

And then Sam…

And the ambulance.

And Kate.

Reid, Prentiss, and Rossi are waiting for Hotch when he steps away from Kate. Reid had seen how immobile Hotch’s right shoulder had been, how stiffly it had moved as Hotch struggled into his kevlar. Rossi had seen his poor coloring, the bruises under his eyes from his lack of sleep. The way the cuts looked against his face. Prentiss had been behind him. She always is, creepily just a step behind. She’d seen how awkwardly his right leg had taken his weight. She even rolled her eyes when she noticed he forced himself to stop limping once she saw.

But what they all knew, what they’d all seen was a clock.

Another timer dangerously close to zero.

You know what they say. The bigger the man, the harder the fall.

Emily can’t get the sound of his body hitting the ground out of her head.

Hotch gets a room, courtesy of the entire hospital still being cleared out, to sleep off the drugs they give him. Groggily he groans, wakes up enough to look around him and falls back to sleep.

JJ gets sick, it’s too early in the pregnancy to be morning sickness but they’ve all just had an awful night and she’s filled with this senseless guit. Can’t stop thinking about Hotch’s soft, sheepish congratulations. Why didn’t she just tell him? What did she think was going to happen?

9/11 left New York hypervigilant and even with the threat eliminated the team is asked to stay in one place. So they stay with Hotch, all crammed up on top of each other. Legs thrown over laps and blankets jerked like children, a group of adults afraid to fall asleep. It’s impossible to sleep so Derek tells them about Hotch’s ghost, filling the dark room with noise. Better than sitting here just watching Hotch breathe, waiting for each inhale. He exaggerates it, of course. Hotch is asleep and can't exactly defend himself. Not that there’s all that much he could say-- he spent three sleepless nights ghost-hunting a cat.

“He ever tell you about that ghost haunting him?”

The next morning, still groggy and his presence of mind making it impossible to not feel the pain but too heavy to really care, he doesn’t fight with Derek nearly as much as he should.

They take the case of The Angel Maker Part 2 and, for once, Hotch does what’s best for him. He takes time off, drives home to save his ears from the trouble of the jet climbing to proper altitude. He gets back on a Wednesday, the others are waiting (Garcia may or may not have tracked his phone). Climbs slowly out of the car, the shrapnel wound on his leg hasn’t healed yet, and doesn’t look nearly that scary standing in jeans he’s had to roll the bottoms of and a patchy beard.

Which is why he doesn’t wear jeans. Suit pants he can have tailored to fit both his waist and the length of his legs. The problem with Levi's or a pair of Wranglers is that one of those measurements is always wrong. So the waist is small enough but the length isn’t long enough. He has to compromise one of them and he typically caves in the length.

Garcia knits him a hat that winter. It’s black to match the rest of his clothes with a red little fuzzy ball at the top. He thinks he can accept the gift and forget it-- like the gloves Reid got him or the cigars from Rossi. That’s not the case. He wears the hat. In a mix-up, a crowd of suits, he’s much easier to catch with his little red fuzz ball sticking out over the crowd.

And he isn’t allowed to forget about Reid’s gloves. He’s guilted into those too and finds himself being ushered into cases where the weather will be chilly with his only access being that hat and a pair of gloves.

The parts of Aaron Hotchner that he gives without prompting aren’t necessarily not him. He is decently grumpy and a workaholic. The man can not take a compliment, a fact that Morgan and Prentiss love to exploit. He’s boring, repetitive. Anyone who has spent more than a week with him can testify to that. He just likes to eat the same foods over and over and isn’t too picky but he won’t touch uncooked cauliflower because it’s texture is weird. Like a bouncy ball. As far as spending time with him goes, another weird thing to learn is that he’s messy. Methodical, yes. Messy… at the same time. He does have a bookshelf and his books are organized but he’s also really bad for leaving his unfinished books out on tables like decorations.

The parts that don’t come readily, the parts that require reading or profiling or just generally bugging the shit out of him are decent too. He’s an optimist. He wants to believe everyone is good, redeemable. Partially because he needs himself to be and because he’s a hopeless romantic and an optimist and that’s an impossible thing to be in this line of work. But some people are just good and some people are worth a second chance (and a third and fourth). He thinks that one-day people will forget he exists-- what happens when the team doesn’t need him to be around? When there’s no reason he has to be invited out?

And then what?

Aaron Hotchner is afraid of becoming a ghost again.

[tinyboxxtink]

Okay SO--

Since nobody wanted to answer me right now and I was dying to write, I wrote beginning's for BOTH of my ideas. God almighty I really hope I didn't just start two different stories running at the same time.....NO. NO I WILL NOT. You have to CHOOSE which one you get now, and which one you get later.

The first one is called "Caught In The Storm" and the second one.....I can't think of a pithy title right now.

So...yeah. CHOOSE.

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@wanniiieeee

@aprildecker-blog

@milkshqke

@lolliepopsicle

@objection-argumentative

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

PS- For the first one, you really need to have heard or listen to "Caught In The Storm" By Katherine McPhee as heard on SMASH.

"Caught In The Storm"

“Okay I want you guys to be COMPLETELY honest, be brutally honest,” You instructed the group as Kelsey sat at the piano. They all agreed and yelled cheers as you began to sing:

You can push me away

I can take it

I can make you a promise

and break it

We know the way it goes by now

Running off just to see

if I chase you

I pretend I know how to replace you

Still we get tangled up somehow

You danced around the stage, singing happily to your “family”, that basically consisted to the entire NYC SVU squad and your two best friends, Kenneth and Kelsey.

Hear it thunder

And I wonder

How long can I hang on

I'm caught in the storm

I'm caught in the rain

I'm caught in the rush that hides this pain

I'm ready to drown

But it's coming down

But I feel so alive

Just let me go

Just walk away

If you love someone you never let them stay

Caught in the storm

You didn’t have the best family life growing up. Your dad was out of the picture, your mom worked 3 jobs just to keep a roof over your head, so you were alone a LOT of the time. You and your next door neighbor Kenny had become fast friends, and often his dad Fin would let you stay for dinner, even sometimes overnight if your mom was going to be really late.

As the bars on The Bowery are closing

You arrive at the door standing frozen

You say you thought you'd find me here

Tell me how I begin to forget you

When you keep coming back and I let you

Love me until you disappear

From then on, even when you went through high school and college, Fin was your “dad”. And when he became a detective at SVU, you’d often visit him because you didn’t live next door to him anymore and he seemed to ALWAYS be working.

I'm caught in the storm

I'm caught in the rain

I'm caught in the rush that hides this pain

You had quickly been “adopted” by Olivia Benson, and the other members of the squad. However, people began to shuffle in and out of the unit, the only consistency being your “mom” and “dad”. Currently, your “extended family” consisted of Nick Amaro, Sonny Carisi, Amanda Rollins and Rafael Barba, the ADA that often worked the SVU cases in court.

I'm ready to drown

But it's coming down

But I feel so alive

It had always been your dream to be a famous singer, but so far the closest thing you had to fame was being adored at Karaoke Nights at every club and bar you could find. But now, this was your big break. Someone at one of those karaoke nights owned a small up and coming bar/club, real nice and classy, and he wanted live music. A house singer, to be exact. Someone to sing there EVERY night, be adored ALL the time. Your big audition was tomorrow morning, and the “gang” had all agreed to come down and listen to your audition song at the club.

Just let me go

Just walk away

If you love someone

You never let them stay

Caught in the storm

You had been making sure you made eye contact with everyone during the song, dancing and twirling on the stage gleefully. You were losing yourself in the song, the lyrics speaking to you, as the bridge came up.

Let me wash away

You can find me after the flood

Let me wash away

The piano cut out for a moment after the crescendo, lightly dancing notes out of it now, leaving you in your head about the song’s meaning.

Caught in the storm

Caught in the rain

Caught in the rush that hides this pain

You didn’t even think, you just sang the last lines looking STRAIGHT into Rafael Barba’s eyes.

If you love someone

You find a way to stay

Caught in the storm

Suddenly you heard Kelsey clear her throat VERY loudly as she played the end of the song and you realized what you had been doing. You quickly looked down at the floor, praying to God no one noticed it.

Hmmm…..

You sang the last note to the floor, then looked up with the biggest fake smile you could and curtsied awkwardly while you turned to Kelsey and nodded for her to follow you as you bolted backstage.

“Tell me you didn’t notice anything at the end,”

“Oh you mean when you basically stared holes into the ADA’s eyes when you sang YOU LOVE SOMEONE?” She asked. “Oh yeah no, totally unnoticeable,” she added sarcastically.

“Fuuuuccccccccckkkkkkk…..”

“Y’all, WHAT was that?!” Kenny suddenly came from offstage to join the conversation. “Y/N, Girl were you drinking before this or just taking stupid pills?”

“I can’t...I’m not going to deal with this right now,” You waved them both away and walked out to face your “family”.

“Oooookay well, it’s totally getting late and I appreciate you guys hearing me out, get home safe!” You awkwardly spit out a million words a minute, looking around the room above everyone’s eyelines. It was like Stevie Wonder was giving them a goodbye spiel.

You quickly turned on your heels to bolt backstage and wait it out until they left, but the last voice you wanted to hear spoke up.

“Don’t you wanna hear our opinions, baby girl?”

You sighed and turned slowly to face all of them, their faces mostly super uncomfortable. You looked to Fin, who had made you stay.

“Yeah, sure-- go for it,” You threw your hand up dejectedly and waited for the drop.

“Well I’d say it was excellent, except for the part where you were eye fucking Barba,”

And there it was.

“FIN!” Olivia hit him, the rest of the squad squirming uncomfortably. You didn’t dare to see what Rafael was doing.

“Yep, there it is,” You rolled your eyes, starting to walk away.

“Where are you going Y/N, we’re gonna talk about this!” He started angrily walking after you.

“Talk about WHAT, Fin?” You spun around.

“Have you been screwing Barba behind my back?” He narrowed his eyes at you.

“WHAT?! NO!” You gasped in horror.

“NO,” Rafael added almost on top of you.

“He has nothing to do with it, Fin,” You assured him.

“Good because you and him, NEVER gonna happen,” He gestured between the two of you.

“Okay FIRST of all, I love you Fin but I’m a grown woman and you can’t tell me who to date!” You scoffed.

“Oh please Y/N you’re 22, you’re still my baby--”

“And SECONDLY,” You interrupted him. “I’m not ACTUALLY your daughter, so you don’t get an opinion,”

“And THIRDLY, I really, REALLY don’t want to have a long conversation with ANY of you about how I just professed my love for Rafael on--”

“Love? You’re in love with him now?” Fin interjected again, turning to Rafael. “What did you do?!”

“Oh my god, FIN,” You stood in between them. “He didn’t do anything, this is all on me,”

“This is insane, you are NOT--” Fin tried to start bitching at you once again, but Kenny came to the rescue.

“Dad, just let them be. She’s right this ain’t any of our business, no matter how angry you are right now okay? Just...let’s go, yeah?”

“Yeah alright…” Fin nodded to Kenny, then turned to you. “We’re going to talk tomorrow,”

“Can’t wait,” You muttered under your breath as they walked outside. Finally over that little debacle you started to make a beeline for the backdoor when you heard another voice you really didn’t want to.

“Y/N….Don’t you think we need to talk?”

You turned back to see Rafael standing there with a concerned look on his face. Awesome. You looked behind him noticing the rest of the squad waving goodbye at you and excusing themselves, leaving you and him alone.

“You know I really need to get some sleep before tomorrow, and--” You started to walk away, but Rafael grabbed your hand.

“Y/N…”

“What?!” You spun around again, now angry and tears in your eyes.

“What, Rafael? Unless the next words out of your mouth are ‘Gee you know what Y/N I didn’t realize it until this very second, but I’m in love with you too!’, then I REALLY don’t need to hear it, trust me,”

“Y/N come on, just talk to me,”

“Rafael I get it,” You bit back tears.

“You’re too old, or Fin’s too much of your friend, and I never should have said anything, but I did. But I’ve got the biggest audition of my LIFE tomorrow. So what I’d really like to do right now is go home, cry, drink and forget this night ever happened so that I can just focus on that, can I do that? Please?”

“I…” Rafael dropped your hand, but still looked at you with puppy dog eyes. “Yeah, I guess so,”

“Thank you,” You nodded to Kelsey who followed you out the back door, leaving Rafael alone in the dark and empty club.

----------

"Role Model" or TBD

“Shit, he’s going to kill me,” You muttered as you glanced at your phone. You were already twenty minutes late to Kenneth's party, and you were still stuck in traffic about a block away.

“You know what, I can walk from here,” You nodded to your UBER driver and exited the car, running down to the bar. You finally made it, glancing at the neon sign: BUDDY’S. It was you and your best friend’s favorite bar, and now you were late for his party.

You quickly gave the doorman your name and he nodded you in. The place was packed, per usual. You didn’t see anyone you recognized so you headed up to the bar and ordered a Porn Star Martini while you texted Kenny to see where he was.

“Oh my God do you think she knows?”

“She showed up so I’m guessing not,”

You glanced over to see two classmates from your law school a few feet away. They were clearly drunk and speaking louder than they believed they were.

“I can hear you, morons,” You rolled your eyes as the bartender handed you your drink.

“Oh! Y/N,” The first one giggled as they both stumbled over. “Sorry, we didn’t see you there,”

“Right,” You gave them a sarcastic smile. “And what exactly don’t I know?”

“That--” The other one started, but someone tapped you on the shoulder.

“Kenneth! Happy birthday! I’m so sorry I’m late it’s--”

“Please don’t kill me,” He cut you off.

“...Shouldn’t I be saying that to you?”

“No, I’m saying it to you, and I’m saying it again. Please don’t kill me, and I’d like to add I had NO idea this was going to happen,”

“What are you talking about?” You raised an eyebrow.

“I, um-- I invited my dad,”

“You invited your dad, to a gay club?” You sipped your drink with a skeptical look.

“I mean I mentioned it to him, I didn’t think he’d actually show up,”

“Okay so, what? You think your dad’s gonna cramp our style or--”

“He brought his friends,” He added with a very serious tone.

“...What do you mean, he brought his friends?” Your heart started racing.

“What do you think I mean?”

“Hey Hey party people-- OH. Y/N! You came!” Your other best friend Gabi walked up with shots.

“Give me that,” You stole the shot and took it immediately, the familiar burn of vodka travelled down your throat.

“Nice to see you too,” She snorted, then noticed Kenneth’s face. “Oh you told her, didn’t you?”

“Told me what?” You asked, praying to God you didn’t know the answer already.

“I think you know,” Kenneth gave you another apologetic look.

“We’re in the back,” Gabi grabbed your hand and pulled you through the crowd.

“Who’s we--” You started to ask, but then you saw them. At the back of the club, in a small secluded area with plush couches and a table sat a couple of your mutual friends, his dad Fin Tutola, and the entire squad of NYC SVU.

“I’m going to--” You growled under your breath.

“Please don’t kill me,” He whispered back.

“I won’t if you tell me tweedle dee and tweedle ditz haven’t been running their mouths off back here,”

“NO,” Kenneth almost yelled. “I have kept those vultures away from here all night, but--” He glanced over at the two girls who were obviously failing at flirting with the very gay men at the bar. “You know they’re just waiting to take you down,”

“So we’ll just wait them out,” Gabi shrugged as she came back from the bar with more shots. “Or, y’know shuffle him out the back door,”

“Shut up,” You took another shot from the tray and downed it.

“Are you really sure you wanna--?” Kenneth asked as you downed a second one.

“If I’m about to come face to face with the man of my dreams for the first time ever, YEAH Kenny, I’m pretty sure I do,”

“Man of your dreams,” Gabi scoffed playfully behind you.

“Shut up!” You hit her again. “He’s beautiful, he’s perfect, he’s--”

“Sitting RIGHT there,” Ken gestured to the group of “adults” now very much staring at your trio.

“Show time,” Gabi giggled as you nervously followed Ken to their group.

“Dad, you remember Y/N,” Ken nodded to you.

“Yeah, the lawyer right?” Fin asked, making Rafael’s ears perk up; he stared right into your eyes while you swore up and down you would NOT pass out in front of a whole club full of people.

“Law student,” You nervously responded, trying to keep your eyes on Fin.

“Well this is Rafael, Barba, our ADA. Maybe you’ve heard of him?” As soon as Fin introduced Rafael to your group, Gabi let out a very loud laugh. You elbowed her so hard she almost fell over back into the crowd.

“Sorry…” She made a face at you.

“...Is that a yes?” Fin asked in confusion.

“Nick, Sonny!” Ken suddenly yelled at the two men sitting next to Fin and Barba. “This is my best friend Y/N!”

They both waved politely, but you caught them scanning your body up and down with approving smiles. Had Rafael done that? You had been too embarrassed to look. Did he approve?

“Boy you are so rude, we were in the middle of a--” Fin started again.

“This is Olivia and Amanda, our partners,” Nick suddenly interjected. “Just so you know, they’re not our girlfriends,” He emphasized.

“Subtle, Amaro,” Sonny snickered. “You’ll have to excuse him miss, he’s already had a few,”

“Are we all introduced now? Are we good?” Fin looked at each of his compadres who nodded and went back to their conversation, but you noticed Olivia looking between you and Barba.

“So I’m guessing you do know--”

“Y’know Fin, I think it’s pretty obvious she knows who he is,”

“Liv!” Rafael looked over at her with his mouth agape, shocked she was being so aggressive. “Annnnddd no more drinks for you,” He took the wine out of her hand.

“This cannot be happening…” You looked up at the sky and muttered to no one in particular.

“I’m going to get a refill,” You suddenly excused yourself, having downed your beverage in 2.5 seconds. As soon as you were gone, Kenneth hit his dad.

“Really, dad?”

“What? Does she not like him or something?” Fin was completely obtuse.

“Oh no she REALLY likes him--” Gabi started to laugh again but stopped immediately when she saw Kenneth’s death stare.

“I don’t understand how she even knows who I am?” Rafael looked between the two of them.

“Law school, term papers, I don’t know,” Kenneth shrugged, not entirely sure how you got your obsession with Rafael Barba started. “All I know is that she has a huge thing for you, and she told me that in confidence,”

“Barba?” Nick suddenly yelled, only hearing the last part of the conversation.

“She has a thing for Barba?!”

Were the first words to greet you as you rejoined the group, new drink in hand.

“Oh my GOD, Kenny?!” You screeched. “You--You TOLD them?”

Your eyes darted between Kenny, Amaro and Barba. You didn’t know what to do, or say. You wanted to scream, throw up and run away all at the same time.

“NO!!! No, Y/N look I--”

“Save it,” You threw your fresh drink in Kenny’s face and stormed back into the crowd.

“Thanks, Amaro,” Kenny sighed as he grabbed napkins to dry his face. Rafael looked to where you had run off to, then to Kenny, then to Fin.

“Should I--?”

“Oh good GOD no, please don’t,” Kenny assured him. “I’ll go get her, it’s my fault,” He sighed and ran through the crowd after you.

[harryskalechips]

This sucks Part 2

A/N Here is the new part two for this sucks. Thank you for all the feedback and for calling me out for the shitty ending of the last version. I rewrote this part with a mixture of the old one. I’m not sorry about the last version but I did want to rewrite this and give this one-shot some justice. I thought this would be more appropriate for our plot. Lastly, I want to say thank you for your support. Without you, I would not have a place to share my work. Anyways, if you read the last version and is content with that, You don’t need to read this but for my lovely angsty cravers. I serve you a full plate of depression. Enjoy xxx  

Word count 3456

Part 1

“Get the fuck out, Mitch.” Harry slurs to his guitarist as he tries his best not to fall back onto his hotel bed. He kept tripping and stumbling onto the mattress and that’s exactly why he doesn’t want it to happen again.

“Dude, you have a show tomorrow. You’ve been getting drunk every night and I don’t think it’s good for your career.” Mitch leans on the side of the wall with his arms crossed. His sarcastic reply just showed how tired he was about Harry acting out. He missed the last tour when everything was good... despite his breakup with Camille in the near end. At least, Harry wasn’t trying to drown himself in alcohol that time. 

“You don’t know what’s best for me!” Harry grips onto the desk in front of him and reaches over his bag to grab the beaten journal. “Now leave me alone, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I’ve never seen you this fucked up before, Harry. You know we’re all here for you.” Mitch shares his disappointment as he watches Harry throw himself on the couch and dive into his journal. When Love on Tour first started, he was very quiet but as the shows progressed, Harry’s frustration began to seep through. Everyone could tell he was angry at himself. Obviously, heartbroken. 

As Mitch stood in the corner of Harry’s room observing him, Harry tried his best to write something on the paper. He needed it to seem like he was focused. After a couple minutes, his friend leaves the room making Harry rub his face in relief as he throws his journal on the floor. 

Fuck this. fuck this. He repeats in his head as he raises his hips in the air, trying to grab his phone from his back pocket. His eyes are lazily open as he taps on the screen searching for the green phone app. He looks for his favourites and out of fake shock, he stares at the only name on it. Y/N. 

Giving a call once a day showed Y/N, he wants her back but calling her multiple times a day? Y/N had to know he was desperate. 

The number you have reached is not in service or is temporarily disconnected. 

The automated voice he hears every time repeats. It almost felt like she was laughing at him for being so pathetic. Out of anger, he tosses his phone on the floor and lays on his stomach. It felt weird being so angry and sad at the same time about a relationship that only lasted for four months but Harry knew it was the best relationship he has ever had. So maybe everyone can fuck off a bit because he just lost his girlfriend without actually being able to fight for her. 

~

“Harry, you haven’t been answering your sister or your mum. They’ve been calling me to check up on you. Would you like me to schedule a time for you to call them.” Harry’s secretary Andy, asks him as they approach his private jet. They’re on their way back to America since he had just finished the European leg.

“No, but next time they call, tell them I said to fuck off.” Andy nervously swallows the lump in her throat and nods.  

It’s been months! Months after Harry and Y/N’s break up but Harry can’t help but still feel anger at his family for being so close-minded. For hurting her.

“Harry, Camile has also been calling. She’s wondering what show would you like to see her at so we can send her y’know… the tickets.” Harry just scoffs at hearing his ex’s name. Of course, he started talking to her again early this year but after realizing he was in the wrong, he wanted nothing to do with her. 

“Ignore her. I can’t talk to her.”

“Alright.” Andy types on her phone writing down something on her notes. Harry just takes a big sigh and looks out the window. Tour could’ve been fun this year. He could’ve brought Y/N to France, to Italy, to Brazil! But I mean, he couldn’t even be with her in London after she left his stupid ass. Gosh, he hates it here. 

~

“When I wrote this song, I was in a dark place after a relationship of mine ended.” Harry darkly looks around the arena as he fixes the wire of his mic behind him. “I’m a very private guy but let me share one more thing with you all. I fucked up. This song is not even what I’m talking about but it does make me a bit sadder because I did become that guy I didn’t want to be.” His eyes couldn’t help but tear up as he watches his fans look at him in sadness. Fuck, he’s been drinking all the time and all he feels is guilt because these past shows, he was pretending to be happy. Yet he knew he wasn’t even close to that feeling and so did everyone around him.

As the familiar keys began to play, Harry couldn’t help but not look at any of his fans. He had to close his eyes and feel his pain.

I’m falling again, I’m falling again. I’m falling.

~

The number you have reached is not in service or is temporarily disconnected. 

~

The number you have reached is not in service or is temporarily disconnected. 

~

The number you have reached is not in service or is temporarily disconnected. 

Harry rolls his eyes and tosses his phone on the couch. Tonight is his last show in North America. After this, he’s going to be heading south although, it already feels like he’s been heading in that direction for a long time.

“Come in,” Harry yells out coldly as he looks at himself dressed and ready to go to perform tonight.

“It’s just me, Jeff.” His manger lets himself in as he looks at the boy. “The Forum. Remember performing here the first time you released the album.” Harry just nods as he plays with the loose thread of his journal.

“She’s here tonight.” Harry chokes on his breath as his heart beats faster.

“Y/N?” He looks up immediately as he watches Jeff very carefully. “She’s here tonight?” He asks again for confirmation. Maybe, he heard him wrong?

“While we were in London and you were ignoring your family, I decided to give her a call.” Harry just scoffs as he glances at the TV of his fans singing to one of his old songs. 

“You called her? She probably thinks I’m pathetic.”

“You are pathetic! Do you think I don’t know you call her all the time?”

“Her phone number isn’t even in service.”

“Exactly. Pathetic.”

“Where is she sitting tonight?” Harry decides to change the subject as he glances at his phone on the couch. 

“Premium... more on the left side. Look, dude, I gave her an extra ticket to bring a friend but as I was checking in with Mark on visuals, I noticed her with a guy.”

“She brought a guy?” Harry couldn’t help but fist his hands. I mean he’s already had about 60 shows and it’s been 5 months but why did it surprise him, she’s here with another man? Funny to think she claimed she was falling in love with him. Maybe that guy was just a friend but he knew otherwise.

“I’m sorry H. I thought seeing her tonight would fix your relationship but it doesn’t seem like it.”

“I don’t care.” Harry loses his tie. “Maybe, it was a good idea I started talking to Camile again.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Oh but I do.” ~

The show was on full swing now as Harry’s fans were screaming and cheering for him. His hands leave his mouth as he blows kisses to everyone in the room. As he searched the crowd throughout every song, he noticed how some faces were familiar to him. They must’ve been here last night too. After watermelon sugar, Harry turns his back from the crowd to take a drink as Mitch plays his solo for the tour. 

He didn’t want his fans to see his frustration but he was losing his mind. 

“Where are you going?” Sarah loudly whispers as she watches Harry walk off the stage.

“I’ll be back” He cuts her off and takes his water bottle with him as he quickly walks off the stage, waving to his fans.

“Harry, what’s up?” Jeff exclaims as he rushes to his side. “Do you need anything?”

“Where is she? I can’t find her.”

“Do you expect yourself to catch eyes with her tonight? You know full well that’s not even possible.” Harry rolls his eyes as he watches some of the workers moving around.

“Get someone to lead her backstage after the show.” He instructs Jeff coldly. He needed to make sure that Jeff followed through with this.

“Mr. Styles, we’re going to need you back on stage.” An unknown girl with a headset interrupts their conversation. Harry just nods as he turns away from Jeff.

“I need to talk to her... please.”

*** 

“You alright babe?” Robbie wraps his arm around Y/N as she smiles back without a response. It was weird being in the presence of another man during Harry’s concert. She always expected to be by herself watching him. To be with him before and after the show but tonight... she’s just another fan. 

Y/N met Robbie on her flight back to LA after a dreadful trip to London. It was depressing. Walking in the streets alone. Taking awkward selfies at the big ben. What she hated the most was the sad frown she kept on her face or how her heart grew with anxiety when she asked a stranger to take a picture of her at the tower bridge.

“Sorry everyone, I had to take a wee.” Harry runs back on stage as he gives off a smile to everyone. For some reason, Y/N  had a feeling he was lying. Usually, he would run back on stage but it seems like he wasn’t even in a hurry. The wrinkles on his forehead as he stared at the floor made her think there may be more on his mind than what he’s showing.

“So usually in this part of the setlist, I would be singing Cherry but tonight, I wanted it to be a bit more special. I’ll be singing Don’t Let Me Go. A song I wrote back late 2012’s. Luckily, Mitch and Charlotte already know how to play it.” (A/N This makes me sad ugh)

Don't let me

Don't let me

Don't let me go

Cause I'm tired of feeling alone

“Can’t believe you know this guy, babe! He’s amazing!” Robbie crosses his arms as he takes a sip of his beer.  Y/N holds onto the rail, trying to not breakdown. “Hey, Are you crying?” Her boyfriend reaches out to her as she watches Harry looking at them. She doesn’t think he can see them but the way he kept glancing at the area she was in, he knows she’s here. 

“Yeah, it’s just a really sad song.”

“Ms. L/N?” A woman with a headset approaches the couple. 

“Yes.” 

“Hi, I’m Amanda, Mr. Styles would like you backstage after the show.” Robbie flashes a big smile as he looks around them hoping no one is noticing their interactions with the lady. 

“We’ll be there.” Robbie cuts in as he wraps his arm around his girlfriend. Y/N tenses up as she awkwardly smiles back at him.

“Actually, his instructions were very clear and he only wants Ms. L/N.” Her eyes widened as Robbie pulls away from her. 

“Thank you.” She smiles and glances back at Harry.

“I’ll have someone get you during our last song.” and with that, Amanda walks away while Robbie coldly glares at Harry who’s taking a sip of water as the song comes to an end.

“Is there something going on between you guys?”

“No.”

“Why does he only want to see you? You never even told me how you two met!”

“Okay, Robbie. Calm down. I’ll explain later. He and I are just friends.”

~

Y/N follows the boy down the hallway as she hears Harry’s fans chant out his name. It’s been months since she had seen him and if she was being honest, Y/N never thought she would again. But Jeff sounded so sad and concerned about him that she wanted to see him. Despite breaking all her ties with him, She still thinks about him every day.

Y/N looks at the TV screen and notices the lights were now on and Harry and the rest of his band were off the stage. Robbie is probably sulking as he walks to his car right now. She thinks to herself.

The door harshly opens as Harry comes in all sweaty. “Hey.” Y/N waves at him as she quietly sits on his couch. He takes his jacket off and hugs her without another word. “You’re so sweaty.” She couldn’t help but laugh as she feels his familiar embrace. Maybe, laughing would ease off the awkward tension. 

“I missed you Y/N.”

“I missed you too H.”

“I never thought I would see you again.” He sits on the couch beside her and runs his hand through his hair.

“I’ve always been excited to see one of your shows live.” She couldn’t help but brush her hair out of her face. Here is the man she was falling in love with. The man she chose to forget. 

“How did Jeff get in contact with you? I tried calling your number a few times and it wasn’t in service.” Harry bit his lip at his question. He knew full well he called her number at least three times a day.

“I keep in touch with Glenne.” She watches Harry scoff. “What?”

“You can keep in touch with her but you can barely talk to me?”

“Our trip to London was a sign that we shouldn’t be together, Harry.” Y/N couldn’t help but get flashbacks from her traumatic trip. She was so excited to meet his family, only to find out they already hated her before she stepped foot inside their house.

“That trip was not how it was supposed to go. I had plans to make you so happy.”

“That’s funny since the only plan that came through was me finding out you started talking to Camile again.”

“Did you mean what you said to my mum?” He ignores her last comment as he watches her carefully. She shrugs her shoulders in confusion then it suddenly hits her… he’s talking about London. “I heard it all.”

“Oh.” She looks away from Harry and stares at the pattern of the rug in his change room. “Yeah, I meant every single word.” Y/N plays with her cuticles trying to keep herself from remembering that sad trip. 

“I’m sorry about what happened. Camille was a big part of my life and I wanted to start seeing her again. Not like romantically but the way I still talk with Kendall.”

“It’s okay. I think it needed to happen.” Harry’s eyes flash in confusion. Last time, he spoke to her, they were so sure that this relationship would work out. Now, she’s managed to change her whole idea about them and that hurt a lot. Especially since she’s all he thinks about.

“Why would you say that?” He stands up in anger.

“Harry. Your mom and sister hated me! You clearly have or had feelings for Camille and you were going on tour We wouldn’t have worked out!”

“Are you blaming me?” He crosses his arms. He was offended. 

“No.” Y/N rubs her face in frustration. “It was nice what we had, Harry. Believe me but now we can’t be together.”

“What? Why? Because you have that stupid prick as your boyfriend?”

“Yes.” Y/N stands up as well, preparing herself to leave. He grabs his journal from his vanity and opens it. He flips the pages as Y/N watches him in confusion. 

He rips random pages out and crumples them. He takes her hands and forces her to take them. “I’ve been in love with you! Goddammit, just take me back!”

“Harry…”

“Look, I have more! I’ve been writing about you every day. I’ve been writing songs about you.” He looks at his journal one more time before closing it and throwing it on the floor. “I wrote this whole damn book about you!” 

Y/N begins to cry as she watches the strong man she has always known break down in front of her. “I can’t… Harry. Please.” He goes on his knees and takes her hands full of crumpled paper. 

“You never even gave us a chance baby. Fuck, I should’ve stopped you the moment you walked out that door. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Y/N couldn’t bare herself to look at him as she feels his hands on her.

“You should have gone with me to the store that day. I should’ve shown you around my town! Now I can barely talk to my family because they remind me of who I lost. What I lost!”

“Harry. I don’t want this anymore. I’ve always been scared of our relationship. I can’t handle this.” It’s true. She watched romantic movies her whole life and the more she admired those types of relationships, the more she didn’t want one herself. Y/N knows her life isn’t a movie but if Rachel McAdams cried her heart out during The Notebook while in character, she can’t imagine what else Harry can throw at her so she can experience that type of heartbreak. She needed a clean break from him. Robbie was her safe choice. 

“I love you, please.” He shakes his head in frustration. “I dream about you. I think of you. I need you!”

“I can’t!” She shakes her head as she tries to help him up. She takes the crumpled paper and runs to his vanity as he stands behind her, confused. She eagerly tries to flatten them out. She bends down to grab his journal and tries to place each page back in the book. 

“What are you doing?” He approaches her. “Those are for you!”

“No Harry! These are for you. I need you to keep these. I need you to remember us.”

“I need you to remember us.” He whispers and grabs her wrist to stop working. “You forgot about me.”

“I had to. I needed to.” She looks at the mirror and watches his eyes in the mirror.

“I thought we were stronger than this.”

“It’s been five months. You should move on too, H.” She pulls away from Harry and continues to fix his journal. She remembers the nights he would write in the leather book. How calm he looked. How happy he was. 

“Just admit it then! You took the first problem that occurred and used that to leave me!”

“Fine! I did! I admit it!”

“You’re just as bad as me then!”

“You were in love with Camille!!”

“Then why do I feel like dying every day ever since you left me!”

The silence makes Y/N’s heart beat faster as Harry finally lets out his last thoughts. He takes hold of her hips and pulls her in close to him. He glances once at her lips then stare at her eyes. 

Y/N didn’t know what to do. Her mind was screaming at her to pull away from him and leave but her heart wanted something more. Ironic enough, that familiar thump in her heart has always been present. The guilt she felt when she first started dating Robbie. The ache she felt when she watched Harry’s interviews late at night. Now, it was asking for something different. Something more. She holds onto the back of his neck as she kisses him. Harry pushes her back onto his vanity, helping her sit on it. 

Lips so familiar. Taste so heavenly. A scent so intoxicating. He needed more. She missed him. 

“I’m sorry fuck I’m sorry.” Y/N pulls away and pushes his chest a bit lightly. 

“Tell me you don’t love me anymore. I’ll let you go.” He lets out. He was hoping that it wasn’t true. This would be the only way to trap her into admitting that she wants to be with him again. He’s selfish. It’s true.

“You know that wouldn’t be true.” Harry’s heart skips a beat.

“So, stay with me. I need you. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

“I love you but I can’t.” She moves off a bit and hops off his vanity. She takes a deep breath and looks at him. “I think you’ll find someone for you.”

“Do you love Robbie?” He ignores her last statement. Truth be told, Y/N doesn’t. She began dating him two months ago and all she thinks about is Harry. 

“Yeah.”

“You’re lying.”

“It doesn’t matter if I’m lying! Harry, please don’t let me go through this again.”

“I’m sorry. I just hate seeing you walk away from me.” She gives him a soft smile as she takes her phone from her pocket.

“I have to go. Robbie just texted me. He’s angry.”

“Will I ever see you again.”

“Probably not.” 

“So what? You’re going to keep avoiding me from now on?”

“I think I might have to. Take care H. Take care of yourself, please.”And with that, Harry watches Y/N walk out of his life for the final time. 

He takes his journal and walks to the couch. He lazily slouches as he takes a random paper out. It’s about her, of course, it is. He places the sheet on the top of his heart and closes his eyes. “This sucks.” 

Maybe, this was the closure Harry needed but for some reason, his heart was hurting more.

part trois

[justafewsmallsteps]

Happy InuKag Week 2020, Day 6! It’s been literal years, but here’s finally Part 2 of The Problem With Thinking, my Inuyasha High School AU. Lots of love going out to @coquinespike for all the encouragement. Thanks for your patience! It’d probably be better to reread Part 1 (no big edits, but because it’s been SO LONG) but honestly it’s not a huge deal if you don’t. Lots of fluff.  I’m sorry I can only offer the same bland AU over and over. Please forgive me and leave comments in the notes anyways? 

So the fight was officially over and now they stood there holding each other. It was so intimate that it made the tips of his ears feel hot with embarrassment. Hard to believe that just this morning he was still avoiding her, yet now she was practically molded up against him, and there wasn’t a single part of him that wanted her to move away.

He was hyper aware that Kagome was so very close—closer than she’d ever been before.  It was new territory. With their reconciliation, the bridge he thought he’d burn reassembled itself anew, and they’d crossed a line somewhere. What line, he couldn’t be sure.

A new burning filled Inuyasha’s chest, a fire that wanted to engulf her entirely. He’d missed her so much, and being away from her had drained him like a dying battery. He’d felt so tired, so void of any energy or drive, so… lonely. Now she was here, right here, and his whole body was thrumming with the desire to grab her tightly and hold on, to bask in her warm presence like a spring field finally coming out of winter’s harsh cold.

He saw the same look of longing reflected in her eyes. They were magnets kept apart until now.

He forced himself to speak, though his heavy tongue and heart protested the words as he spoke, “I should get you home.”

The sky was getting darker by the second. Her house was just down the street, but he’d worry too much if he let her go by herself. Besides, it was an excuse to stay by her side for a while longer.

“Are you trying to get rid of me?”she asked with a hurt tone.

“What? No!” Inuyasha yelped. The opposite! He coughed and looked off to the side. There was no decent way to explain how he was afraid that the more she stayed by him, the harder it would become to let her go even though they only lived a block apart. He’d cut her off so thoroughly from his life, and now he realized it was like denying himself oxygen. How had he survived?

“Inuyasha?” She gripped his hands again to pull him from his thoughts.

“Huh?” he noised dumbly.

“C-can I…” Kagome wracked her short-circuiting brain for an excuse, any excuse to stay longer. “I don’t want to go home looking like this.”

“What?” You look fine, he thought.

She bit her lip. “Since my face is all puffy and my eyes are red. I don’t want Mama or Jii-chan to worry.”

“O-oh. You… Do you want to come up?” His eyes suddenly opened wide. “Not if you’re uncomfortable with that! I could get you a… wet towel or something.”

“It's okay. I’m fine with going up.” Kagome fought a blush.

“Are you sure?”

She nodded firmly, if only to keep from jumping up and down in glee. Success! How obvious would that be?

He replied with a stiff nod back. He swiftly turned around, dropping one hand from her grip but holding on with the other to lead her into the building. Their palms and fingers felt as if they’d fused together like hot glass. It was weird to imagine they’d have to come apart anytime soon.

As they walked past the metal gate and into the complex, Kagome’s eyes wandered to drink in the unfamiliar territory, but also to keep occupied. There was a tension in the air—some shy but persistent heat that sealed their mouths shut. Inuyasha was looking straight ahead avoiding looking at her, but she couldn’t bring herself to do much differently than him. The fact loomed upon them: they were going to be in his apartment… alone. It was very new for them, and they’d only just gotten their problems solved. Her heart raced. She’d just found out she was in love with him. Maybe asking to come up was a bad idea.

Before she could think else of it, Inuyasha finished turning the key to his door. It opened with a small push, sending her stomach to do a cartwheel. The darkness inside fed her curiosity despite her nerves. She followed him in as the lights flickered on. Humble. Quiet.

It’s not like he has anyone to greet, she remembered. There weren’t decorations or frills—just the basic necessities.

Kagome removed her shoes, noticing how awkward it felt to do so with one free hand. Still, she had no intention of letting go.

“Uh, the… bathroom is over there.” Inuyasha gave a directional head gesture that had his ears twitch. “Is there anything you need?”

Her eyes dropped down to their locked hands. With a strange sense of concentration, she loosened her grip—at least she thought she did. It didn’t budge.

“Oh.” Inuyasha noticed the problem.

A voice yelled in his head. You’re an idiot. You can’t follow her in there! Let go!

With the care and hesitation of unwrapping a bandage, he moved his fingers to uncurl from hers. It felt like pulling apart linked chains. Their palms slid past each other, fingers sweeping to the tips. He would have let it go, but the slightest hint of uncertain, lingering pressure from Kagome had him stop in his tracks.

They froze. His eyes flickered to her blushing face, and he felt her fingertips squeeze his.

“In—“

The next second he yanked her close—his earlier desire to do so finally sated. He grasped the back of her head while his other hand wrapped around her wrist. Her contact against him felt like finally gulping air after drowning.

“Inuyasha?” the girl gasped.

Shit. He’d acted on instinct when he grabbed her. He had no idea what to say, and he felt the embarrassment bubble fast to the surface. She felt nice though, and he couldn’t deny that.  

Kagome’s face pressed against Inuyasha’s chest, her mind drawing blanks as her cheek felt the heat of his skin beneath his T-shirt. His heart was racing, just like hers. It was reassuring.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. He shifted the hand in her hair, letting the smell of lavender shampoo and Kagome’s natural scent fill his home.

Kagome’s free hand came up to hold him back gently, and she realized she’d been aching to do this since she laid eyes on him: to hold him in her arms, to pour out her affection, to be close.

“It’s fine,” she whispered, running her palm soothingly up and down a short length.

Inuyasha reflexively pushed her closer in an attempt to keep from shivering at her touch.

Her heart was still beating rapidly. How else was she supposed to feel when the boy she loved was hugging her so sweetly? It took a while, but after a few moments of silence, Kagome relaxed enough to speak.

“Inuyasha?” She squeezed him a little, somehow already comfortable with touching him so intimately. Funny, but it just felt right being close to him.

“Hm?”

She allowed herself to sink against his body, letting him hold up more of her weight. “Have you been doing all your homework?” It was a familiar question, bringing a sense of normalcy back to their dynamic.

“Uh…” he hesitated.

“Inuyasha…”

“I’ve been doing enough,” he responded vaguely. It was the truth, but he knew she wouldn’t like the answer.

Kagome clicked her tongue in disapproval. “That sounds like you’ve been slacking…”

“I got lazy without your naggin’.” Lazy. Frustrated. Uninspired. Angry. Depressed. Who was he kidding? When he wasn’t moping around he was trying his best not to punch walls.  

The girl sighed. “I’ve been distracted too, so I’m not one to talk… Though I’m going to blame that on you.”

He scoffed, but the sound was soft. “You gettin’ all worked up over me…” Never mind that he’d been the same.

She poked him in the shoulder blade and dug her finger into it as a small jab. “Don’t be a jerk. I missed you a lot, dummy. I wouldn’t be here otherwise, looking like a total mess.”

In seriousness, he apologized. “I’m sorry.”

The sincerity of it brought tears rushing to her eyes so quickly she was defenseless against them. She was completely caught off guard, but if he was going to be that honest then she’d follow suit.

“Don’t do that to me again,” she had to whisper in a rush to keep her voice from faltering. If it sounded like a plea instead of a reprimand, there was nothing she could do about it.

“I won’t,” he swore. “I… please don’t cry Kagome. I can’t stand it. You know that. I don’t know what to do.”

“Just don’t be an idiot again.”

He held his tongue and let her calm down. His hand kept rubbing soothing circles against her back.

“Were you eating properly?” She finally sniffled with a frown.  

“I ate. Not what you’d call ‘properly’ though.”

“You can’t just have three packs of ramen when you get home from school.”

“I can and definitely did.”

Again, she sighed. “We should go to the grocery store together. And I need to teach you how to actually cook.”

“I can fend for myself fine,” he retorted. After a beat he added, “But if you want to come over and make food, I’m not going to stop you.”

“I’d cook for you everyday if only to keep you from high blood pressure.” She pulled away in time to catch the shock on his face, and realized then that her words sounded like a proposal, like she could commit to taking care of him for the rest of her life. She felt mortified. It was too close to a confession!

“You would?” Inuyasha felt embarrassment splash him in the face like cold water.

“No! I mean, yes, but I didn’t mean that I…  you… you know? I just want you to eat balanced meals! That’s all I meant, okay?”

Normally he would retort her sweet sentiment with something brash. He was marvelously good at ruining the moment. Instead he was frozen, looking at the girl in front of him with affection seizing his whole being like lightning, strong and inescapable. He was helpless as it coursed through every nerve in his body.

His silence had Kagome fidgeting.

“Inuyasha?”  

He couldn’t move. He opened his mouth and closed it repeatedly, no words forming whatsoever like a dumb fish gaping for food. The idea of Kagome cooking him a meal… of her setting down plates, of her coming home to him… every day for the rest of his life…

The girl’s cheeks flared indignantly at his lack of response; heart thrumming nervously because it wasn’t a true confession, but it had the tone of something so much more—something akin to promising forever. She couldn’t take his surprised expression locked onto her so intensely, so she shoved her face into his shirt to avoid his gaze. Her hands gripped at his sleeves. She shook his arms hoping for a reaction and cried out, “Don’t just stand there staring at me! You have to say something, you dummy!”

He really should say something, he knew, but nothing was coming to his head. Nothing except Kagome, over and over again. Her in his kitchen, her walking down the road by his side, her eating meals with him everyday… When she told him to let her stay by his side, Inuyasha didn’t consider the actual depth of it. He’d simply taken it at face value. If she wanted to be around him, she’d decide that. The thought of her being there for him daily triggered something heavy to lock itself into place. It felt like she’d smacked an old machine and the gears finally fit themselves together. The realization came to him then.

He was in love with her.

Kagome felt his hold on her slacken. “Inuyasha?” she tried again, with a miserable tone to her voice. She was still mortified.  

He released his steady hold on her wrist. Then he pried her hand gently away from his shirt, slowly easing his fingers between hers. The action was enough to get her to pull herself back. He’d never been very tender before.

His gaze was molten hot against hers, burning maybe, but she was caught in it like sweet, sticky honey. Her chest panged with how much she loved him. Couldn’t she just… reach up and show him? She tightened her fingers entwined with his. God, that felt so right. Her hand belonged in his.

“Kagome…” Her name was meant for his mouth.

Oh, he was so attractive, and she’d missed him so much. If she could somehow wrap herself up in him she would. His tentative grip firmed, lifting her hand closer. Her eyelids lowered while the rest of her body tilted up, up, and towards him.

Inuyasha was enamored. His entire world was swirling around Kagome as if she was the center of the universe. She very well might be, with him caught in her gravitational pull. He closed his eyes and saw black—and then he saw a star; faint and twinkling behind his eyelids, like the uncertain pressure lingering sweetly against his lips.

Then it was gone.

Slightly dazed, he opened his eyes to a blushing Kagome shying back from her kiss. Damn if he didn’t want to pull her to him again. A ‘wait, come back,’ on the edge of his tongue.

As if asking for permission, Kagome tugged at his sleeve and steadied her gaze on his mouth. He wanted to smile at her obvious signals, but a prick of paranoia had him stop her from moving towards him.

“Wait…” He watched as her courage was drained from her face and tried quickly to assure her. “It’s not that I don’t want to, I… I didn’t mean for this to happen when I asked you up, you know.”

“I know that,” she responded earnestly.

“Right…” he turned to look at the floor, trying to sift through his clouding thoughts gathering and darkening like a storm.

“So what’s the problem?”

“I mean, you know. That stuff,”

“The ‘stuff’ that people who don’t know anything say?” she asked.

“Well they ain’t that off if we keep at it,” he replied dryly, but there was a blush on his face. He’s just been kissed by Kagome Higurashi, the most beautiful, wonderful girl in the world. She would’ve done it again if he hadn’t held her back.

“Look, I don’t care. This is what I want. Do you…” she bit her lip unsurely and his knees almost buckled in, “Do you want this?”

Do you want me? Her eyes, clear and bright as a mid-summer day, seemed to ask him.

“Of course I do…” he confessed. There was more he wanted to say on the matter, or rather, more doubts that wouldn’t stop surfacing, but in the next moment Kagome had her mouth back on his, pushing his thoughts down to drown. He let them die there. Instead he let his world become so full of her that nothing else fit, and he’d never felt more put together than he was now, overflowing with her.

Kissing Inuyasha was something she’d dreamt about a lot lately, but not a fantasy she’d thought would come to fruition. It was different than she’d imagined, her body awkwardly stiff yet her heart soaring.

Attached, was the first word that came to Kagome’s mind.

That was how people described how Kagome felt about Inuyasha. She was fond of him. She had a soft spot for him. She was irrevocably and inexplicably attached to him. Now that they were kissing, she uncovered a new sense of meaning to that word. She’d been so attached to him that his absence felt like pulling her seams apart. Kissing him now was sewing them back together, but she still wanted to be closer. She stretched up on her feet higher, pressing her lips harder against his. Her goal was more, but of what, she wasn’t sure. More Inuyasha, somehow, in any and every capacity seemed to be the only answer. Her hands moved up his arms, slowly feeling the worn fabric of his shirt beneath her palms. Her cheeks flared with a new blush feeling the muscles beneath. She wasn’t just attached; she was attracted; she was in love. She loved him so much that it burned from her lungs to her lips.

Their mouths parted, and he huffed her name into the hot air between them. It was a match that set her ablaze. She intended to engulf him, so she kissed him harder. She wrapped her arms around the boy’s neck and drew him in close to her, wobbling between standing on her toes and back onto her heels.  

Sensing her imbalance, Inuyasha tugged her by the waist to steady them both, but it had searing consequences as her body pressed into his. He heard her react with a sharp inhale and he hissed in response to her. So this is what happened when you got close to the sun, huh? He wasn’t melting, but he was burning everywhere they touched, and she scorched her way through him like a wildfire. They were moving so quickly his mind was whirling.

Kagome tilted her head, and Inuyasha felt the foreign sensation of her wet tongue swiping against his lip.

“Holy shit,” he cursed, and Kagome immediately pulled back startled.

“Sorry! I don’t—”

“No, it’s fine,” he muttered with winded effort. He took a moment to breathe, noticing Kagome’s chest similarly took deep rises and falls. The reality of what had just occurred between them settled in his mind. He wasn’t sure what to do next, but he wanted to continue.

“Was I… Did I go too fast or do something wrong?” She sounded so out of breath that his head spun.

“’Course you did nothing wrong,” he whined, putting his face in his hand and closing his eyes. He was more turned on than he’d ever imagined possible, and it was making him dizzy. “Just surprised me there.”

“Oh,” Kagome finally squeaked in response. She self-consciously folded in one herself.

He peaked through his fingers at the girl only to see her looking shyly down at the ground. Her kissed lips were set in a puffy little pout and her cheeks were a warm pink. Inuyasha groaned. She was beautiful and he was such a sap for her.

He was devastatingly in love with her. And he kissed her! And she kissed him back! And more!

He was having a hard time believing this was real.

“Maybe we did go kinda fast,” he admitted. He just couldn’t wrap his head around this whole thing. When did his life make a 180? Was he dreaming? When did his dreams ever get this good?

“Sorry,” Kagome mumbled.

Inuyasha sighed and lowered his hand. “Quit apologizing.” He tucked his finger under her chin to get him to look at her,  but found the vulnerability behind her eyes almost too much to bear. He swallowed to fight the blush staining his face. “Just… gimme a sec, okay?”

Kagome nodded into his hand. He moved his face forward and pressed his forehead against hers, feeling her heat radiate against his skin. She was too much for him, he knew. He closed his eyes and tried to calm himself down—mind and body. He felt Kagome do the same, slowly relaxing into regular breaths.

This is real…

Delicately shifting, he pressed his lips to hers again, feeling her seize and then press into him. The awkwardness set back in, but they pushed through it and felt it out until it slowly melted away. He felt her exhales as sweet, warm puffs of air. They stayed like that for a while until Inuyasha took his hand and slid it to hold her cheek. He opened his mouth slightly and tilted his head to deepen their kiss. Kagome followed suit, letting him set the pace. They kept going, pushing lips together, adjusting, readjusting, and getting comfortable.

He felt her adorable eager little jump as he pulled her face closer, her hand coming up to grasp his shirt in a steadying motion. It was a swift pump to his ego to know she wanted this and was probably holding back.

He was getting turned on all over again, but it wasn’t as sudden as before. He took his time adjusting to each step forward, but Kagome didn’t make it all that easy with little gasps and the sweetest taste he’d ever experienced.

He’d always thought kissing was a gross concept. He wasn���t keen on saliva or using tongues, but the instant he felt hers on his lips he was convinced it was more than okay. Sure, it shocked him, but it felt good. Too good, at that moment, but now… Now he enjoyed the slight pressure of her sucking on his bottom lip, and the tease of her teeth as she did so. He enjoyed doing the same, shocking sensations prickling his spine with each new discovery. She was infinitely patient and understanding, letting him set their pace, and following suit.

Tentatively, Inuyasha sucked in a breath and dared to sweep his tongue against Kagome’s lips. He felt her eagerly part her mouth, inviting him to try again. This time he had taken the lead, but tremors still passed through his body as he tasted her, yet he was determined for more. She moved her arms up to wrap around his neck and pull him down. She must have been standing on her toes for a long time, he remembered. Kagome was petite, and he was over a foot taller if he stood up straight.

Ideas flash in his mind—making out on the floor, on a couch, him lifting her up to the counter… Oh damn. So much for calming down.

He grabbed her hips and moved her back just a bit, away from his lower body. It was achingly difficult to do so, since every part of him was screaming for contact with her.

She broke their kiss with a gasp.

“I should maybe think about getting home soon.”

A little more than dazed, Inuyasha did his best to recalibrate his brain. He felt the blood slowly making its way back there, but for now all his thoughts were hazy. Kagome. Home. Her house.

“Right…”

“And I should also still wash up my face.”

“Right…”

She giggled then, likely because he was still in a hormone-induced stupor. “I’ll be right back,” she assured him with a quick kiss to his cheek that left him feeling tingly. Then she was off to his bathroom.

As the door clicked shut and the buzzing sound of the restroom light came on, Inuyasha blinked himself back to reality. And it hit him hard enough that he had to sit down. He replayed the whole night in his head, wondering how the hell he’d gotten to this point. It was another miserable Friday punctuating a shitty week of dodging her at school. He got home feeling like garbage, only appreciating the weekend as a reprieve from having Kagome’s scent peppered in the air of the hallways and classrooms. His apartment was the one place he could lock himself away and not be haunted by her. But then the buzz came from the gate, and then her broken voice pleaded through the phone.

He came down just to end it once and for all. No more texts. He’d just have to scare her off and be done with it, but she was stubborn. She’d never let him push her around, so why did he expect her to let him push her away without a fight? She clung to him, dug into him, broke his resolve with her sad and angry tears. She’d missed him too. What did he do to deserve her?

A whine pushed its way past his throat, just in time for Kagome to walk out of the bathroom and shoot him a concerned look.

“You okay?”

It was weird, seeing her in his apartment like this, so casually as if she belonged there. She did, as far as he was concerned.

Filled with a new sense of determination and longing, he stood up resolutely and made his way to her. Before she could ask another question, he scooped her up in his arms and kissed her fully on the mouth. She gave an initial squeak of shock, but quickly accepted the new position, once again putting her arms around him.

“I missed you,” he admitted quickly before his unfounded resolve melted away.

“I just washed my face,” she teased as he lowered her back to her feet.

Incredulous he stammered, “That’s not what I—!”

“I know,” she interrupted. Kagome smiled, and Inuyasha’s annoyance vanished. “You don’t have to miss me anymore.”

[fizzyxcustard]

The Right Thing

Masterlist of all fanfics/headcanons/prompts here

Fandom: seaQuest 2032

Pairings: Lucas Wolenczak x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Anxiety, insecurity, age difference (but legal), language (mild)

Word count: 6505 (a longer one)

Summary: You are a Lieutenant aboard the seaQuest DSV vessel, under Captain Oliver Hudson. You have been aboard for two years and in that time have grown very close to Lucas Wolenczak. But not only are you of higher rank, you are ten years his senior (he’s 20). As your feelings deepen and Lucas opens up to you about how he feels, your anxiety rises. Will everyone be judgemental of you for loving a younger man? Others aboard the boat, and shore leave, help you to see how right you and Lucas are for each other.

Comments: If you have any questions regarding this fic and the fandom, by all means message me. I’d love to hear your thoughts and feedback. I will probably try and make graphics for my fics in future if people are interested in reading more of this as I have a full length fic in the works and a prequel one-shot as well. If you would like to be added to my tag list for anything seaQuest related, please leave me a message or comment. The above image shows Captain Oliver Hudson (left) and Ensign Lucas Wolenczak (right) from the show. 

Never before had you felt this awkward, torn and utterly disgusted with yourself. Whenever you sat beside Lucas on the bridge, you could feel his stare now and again as he turned his mesmerising blue eyes from the helm monitor. True, you had always had a very deep friendship with Lucas, who was now an Ensign and seemed to be on duty with you more than any other officer, but the tension was becoming too much. He was two months past twenty and you were the wrong side of thirty. However, most people assumed you to be younger than Lonnie, at twenty-one, but no, the years were against you. In fact, you were the same age as Tim O’Neill.

That day was rather uneventful. Your shift passed by without incident. You laughed with Lucas, Jim Brody and Lonnie in the mess hall. But again, you could sense Lucas’ eyes on you.

Captain Hudson was at a UEO summit meeting, leaving Commander Ford in charge. It was always more laid back and chilled when Jonathan Ford took the helm. No complaints, no shouting, no frustration. Ford had been on seaQuest now since her first tour, along with Lucas and Tim. The rest of the crew, including you, came later. All of you missed Captain Bridger, who had been more than just a Captain, but a friend and a fatherly figure.

“Have you got any plans for shore leave?” Lucas asked you suddenly.

You swallowed hard and turned to face him, pulling your headset from off your head. “Not at the moment, no,” you replied. “You?”

This was all your conversations had become now. Idle chit chat. Whereas when Captain Bridger was still your skipper, you and Lucas would spend time together, laughing at stupid movies, listening to music, taunting Tony Piccolo and simply basking in the things of youth.

Lucas knew there was something very wrong between you both; he could sense it. He didn’t have to be like Wendy Smith, psychic; he could see the cold shoulder that you gave him often. He watched you concentrate on your monitor, staring through the glasses that you always wore when on any computer or when writing. The atmosphere had changed aboard the boat when Captain Bridger left, but surely that wasn’t enough to make you grow cold.

When it was time for shift change, you walked off the bridge with Lucas. Both of you strolled slowly, side by side. “Hey, ummm,” Lucas began, stopping in the corridor. “Can we talk?”

“What about?” you asked.

Lucas sighed at the cold, abrupt edge to your tone. “Us….”

“What do you mean us?”

“No…no. It sounded weird, I know. I’m sorry,” Lucas said, silently grilling himself for sounding stupid. “Things just seem weird. We don’t spend time together like we used to, and I guess I…”

“We’ll talk later. In private,” you told him. Officers were speeding past you, starting and ending the shift rotation. It was too open for such a chat. There was a lot that needed to be said. “I’ll come to your quarters about seven. How’s that?”

“Perfect,” Lucas replied with a smile.

As you parted ways, you felt breath catch in your throat. Your hands shook and tears threatened to spill down your cheeks. You felt something for Lucas and you despised yourself, at just over ten years his senior. You were ashamed of it.

It wasn’t until you ventured from your quarters and down the corridors to Lucas’ shared quarters that you realised just how deep his feelings for you ran. You could distinctly hear his voice as you stopped outside the door, which was slightly ajar. The other person, you assumed, was Tony Piccolo.

“You need to tell her, Lucas,” the second voice came. Sure enough, it was Tony.

You waited outside the door, listening.

“I can’t stop thinking about her, Tony.”

“You’ve said that before with girls.”

“This is different. I barely knew Juliana and Sandra. I’ve spent months with her, and when I am with her, it’s like she’s my age. And she cares. I mean truly cares. Probably because she’s just as alone as I am. But lately she’s grown cold towards me. She won’t speak to me sometimes for almost an entire day. There’s no laughing anymore.”

“It’s pretty hard to laugh around here with Hudson in charge,” Tony replied.

You straightened your back and swallowed hard, bracing yourself and tapped on the door.

A few seconds later and Tony appeared. “I’ll leave you two to it. Don’t mind me,” he said, grinning at you. “Go easy on him.” Tony winked at you. All you could do was grimace and then descend the steps down into the main sleeping area which Lucas and Tony shared.

Lucas looked at you, dressed in jeans, Converse and blouse. How could you be the age you were? You looked twenty-two at most. Everything about you enthralled him; your small and discreet tattoos scattered about your body, your quirky sense of humour, the way you cared for everyone and put them before yourself, the odd looking ornaments you kept on your desk and your taste in rock music. Jim Brody had teased many times how your attitude would be suited with Tony Piccolo. But you needed people who were steady and mature.

Things were silent for a short while as you both stood a couple of feet apart, your hands shoved in pockets. Then you broke the silence and looked at Lucas. “I’m sorry if I’ve offended you. It’s just…Maybe I’m being arrogant, I don’t know. But I sense that you like me…”

“And does that bother you?” Lucas asked, his hands growing more and more sweaty.

“I’m a lot older than you, Lucas,” you reminded him. “You’ve only just become an adult, and I know you forget my age when we spend time together. I’m still young in my appearance and ways. Maybe I haven’t grown up myself yet.”

“I think you’re amazing,” Lucas said softly. “Why does age have to be an issue? We’re good together; I know that you know that.”

His words made something pour in your stomach and you closed your eyes, trying to shake the feelings away. “Lucas, no. Stop it, please,” you whispered.

“You have feelings for me, too. I know you do. I can see it,” he said, approaching you.

You felt his arm wind around your waist, edging you closer towards him.

“Stop it!” you cried out, pushing him away. “No means no!”

You left his quarters only moments later, leaving Lucas behind to slam his hands down onto his desk. Leaving seaQuest was the only way this would end. Lucas would move on and meet a girl his own age. And you would transfer to another boat, hopefully to ace your officer exams and get promoted to Lieutenant Commander.

That evening was long as you drowned in your own thoughts. How could Lucas be what you needed? Would he be prepared to look towards marriage and children within the next two to five years? You would be rushing him, forcing him to put aside all the years of adventure and experience to build a family. Because that was what you wanted. If you met the right man, then you would gladly take time away from your career. And Lucas seemed to think that man was him.

Around nine, a knock came to your door. Your heart leapt and you gasped, expecting it to be Lucas. But it was Tony. You knew why he was here; it didn’t take a lot for anyone to put two and two together to see the reason for his visit.

You let Tony in and sat back down in your seat. “I know why you’ve come to see me, Tony. Lucas doesn’t see the shame I feel every time I look at him.”

“I wanted to see how you’re doing, too. I know Lucas isn’t always the easiest person to say no to. In that way, he’s still a kid.”

You sighed. “We’re both still kids in a lot of ways. I’m going to put in a request for transfer. It’s the only way to solve this.”

“But you can’t,” Tony exclaimed. “Everyone loves you, you know that. It wouldn’t be the same without you. You bring a bit of life to this place.”

Tony’s words brought a smile to your face. “Thanks. This place feels more like a family than I’ve ever had anywhere else outside of my actual family.”

“Look, if you two really do like each other then nothing should stop you. Some people might think the age gap is weird, but who cares? You’re both single adults.”

You sighed again and reached for your mug of coffee which had started growing cold. “I want to think about marriage and settling down. Does Lucas want that? It’s something that needs to be thought about. I can’t be responsible for slowing him down. He’s still young.”

“And so are you. Man, you’re talkin’ as though you’re fifty. Come on!” Tony said.

You barely slept that night, constantly tossing and turning, thinking of Lucas, whom you doubted was asleep either. The air was warm and stale, and your heart raced, reminding you of the anxiety which you kept hidden. Being a Lieutenant in the Navy meant that you had been aboard vessels under attack, had nearly drowned and been shot in the leg. But it was your indecision and shame that caused you to panic uncontrollably.

Tears poured down your cheeks as you flung your legs out from the covers. You flicked on the table lamp and staggered sleepily to your chair. Writing always calmed you. In a world of discipline, uncertainty and instability, you felt so alone. Friendships were strong between you and the main crew, but you had become the glue holding them together. You listened often to Lonnie deny her budding feelings for Jonathan Ford; Tony Piccolo opened his heart to you about his unconventional family; Lucas relied on you for stability and companionship. Now was the time that you needed someone.

After finishing your journal entry, you ventured out into the corridors, finding the gentle hum of seaQuest to be soothing. In the mess hall, you poured yourself a mug of coffee from the vending machine and took a seat in the back corner of the room.

“I thought I was the only one who had insomnia,” a voice came.

“What? Oh, sorry,” you apologised, raising your head out of your hands to see Jim Brody.

“You okay?” Brody asked, approaching you. He was dressed in his uniform, obviously in the middle of night shift.

“I’ll survive,” you chuckled wryly.

“You don’t sound very convincing, you know?”

There was a sincerity in Brody’s eyes that you had always been drawn to. He never minced his words or failed in keeping his promises.

You sighed deeply and looked at your untouched coffee. “How do you handle it when you like someone but have your reservations?”

“What kind of reservations?”

“If I tell you something, will you promise not to tell another soul? I’m so ashamed.”

Brody began to look puzzled and slightly nervous. “Umm, okay.”

“Lucas admitted that he has feelings for me, and I know I feel something for him. But the age gap terrifies me, Jim. And you know how sulky he can be when you say no to him.”

Brody smiled and then sighed. “I know you two have always been close, but maybe if you’re feeling uncomfortable, it’s something you need to deal with yourself. You’re both adults and it’s down to you both. Don’t try and seek everyone else’s approval.”

“That’s what makes me ashamed: everyone else’s judgement.”

The shame and embarrassment of your admission made you look away and run your shaking hands through your short hair. It made you think back to the day you had your long locks cut off, which was the day before your first tour on seaQuest. It was an almost boyish cut, but there was no mistaking your femininity.”

“It’ll work out, I’m sure. Thanks for listening, Jim,” you said, forcing a smile.

You remained in the mess hall for a short while longer, sipping your coffee. The tall, broad figure of Dagwood drifted past the door as he cleaned. He never noticed you, but you watched him for a couple of seconds; his attention to his duty was unbroken and unwavering.

Sleep finally took you away a couple of hours later. In the dark of your quarters, you began counting. Gradually your heart rate slowed.

Suddenly your alarm was blaring! Pain rested behind your eyes and in your temples. No doubt it would remain with you for the rest of the day.

After a shower, you got dressed into your uniform and headed for the mess hall for breakfast. The bright overhead lights assaulted your eyes, making you wince.

Lucas, Tony and Lonnie were all sat together to the left hand side of the room. You suddenly felt sick, insanely sick. Tony looked at you, his eyes widening. Thankfully Lucas had his back to you. It was impossible for you to avoid him now; once you were up for duty, you couldn’t go back to quarters until the next shift rotation. On an almost mile-long submarine, and you couldn’t hide.

You grabbed fruit and a mug of herbal tea. With a huge sigh, you approached the table where your friends were, a spare seat having been left between Tony and Lucas.

Lucas swallowed hard and shifted in his seat as your perfume wafted up his nose, mixed with the smell of your sweet-scented hand cream.  

“Morning,” you said softly. Your eyes met Lucas’ and you could see the sadness swimming in them.

“You look awful,” Lonnie said. “Are you okay?”

“I didn’t sleep much last night,” you said, forcing another smile. “And it’s caught up with me this morning.”

By now and you could feel your pulse racing, thumping in your head and chest. Your hands were shaking, and you knew the day wouldn’t get any easier. Tony kept watching you as the atmosphere remained tense. Lonnie left a few minutes later, uncomfortable by the silence.

Lucas was looking down most of the time and once Tony had also left, he spoke, but didn’t look at you. “Are you okay?”

“Not really,” you admitted, swallowing hard.

Lucas heard the quiver in your voice and finally looked at you. “I’m sorry,” he said simply.

Almost on instinct, you placed your hand on his. “We’ll be okay. Whatever happens, we’ll be okay. Shore leave in two days. We can talk more then.”

That morning seemed to ease some of the tension between Lucas and you. On the bridge, you began to ease back into your laughter. You temporarily forgot your fatigue and the events of the evening previous. Until Lucas held your gaze for a few seconds longer than usual. Normally you looked away, trying to avert his attention elsewhere, but this time you maintained eye contact and smiled.

Tony smirked to himself, recognising that look anywhere.

**

The next two days passed without incident. You felt more at ease now and found yourself making jokes out of mundane things. As it always had, it entertained Tony greatly. The two of you played off each other in the mess hall. A lot of your jokes were at Captain Hudson’s expense. To most people, you outwardly seemed more suited to Tony Piccolo, but those closest to you knew better. The bond you shared with Lucas was unlike any other relationship on the boat. Even though you paled into insignificance when it came to Lucas’ IQ, you could both normally tell what the other was thinking with just one smile.

On the evening before shore leave officially started, Lucas remained in his quarters after shift rotation. There was still a deep pain when he saw you. When you turned your head and smiled, your eyes shining bright, he knew that he would love no other smile. Your attention to detail was unparalleled; that was obvious from the drawings of yours which littered your bedside wall. Your mind didn’t store facts, theories and calculations like Lucas’; it was curious, deep, questioning. You observed deeply. Your genius was in colours, shape, emotion, behaviour. Not cold fact like Lucas.

The Navy had taught you to be disciplined, orderly. No more piles of clothes left at the end of your bed or un-pressed clothing that hoped no one would notice. Why had you even enlisted? Was it your wanderlust? Perhaps. Or maybe it was a way to get away from the ordinary world and embrace your difference.

A sudden knock came to your door, a metallic tap.

“Come in,” you called, placing your copy of The Lord of the Ringsback on your shelf.

Lucas entered, not quite sure why he was even visiting.

“Sorry. I was tidying. You okay?” you asked.

“Yeah, I think so,” he replied.

“You think so?”

Lucas sat down on the edge of your bed and looked up at you as you placed your hands on your hips.

“Please don’t do that. You remind me of my mom,” he chuckled.

Somehow, that comment didn’t amuse you quite as much as it did Lucas. It hit a rather raw nerve that you had hoped you had figured out how to manage.

Lucas got up from his spot and stood before you, being slightly taller. “What?” he asked. You turned your head, shame surging through you again. But just then, the gentlest touch came to your cheek. Lucas’ large blue eyes were full of concern and adoration for you. His hand cupped your face and seconds later, you felt his lips against yours. Soft, unsure, but above all, kind. The kiss of a young man, some ten years your junior, was enough to remind you that there was still kindness in the world, especially amongst the male of the species.

Realisation hit you hard in the stomach and you turned from the kiss. You heard Lucas sigh and stepped back. “Have you thought about this properly? We’re at different stages in our lives. You’re just starting out in your adult years to find out what you’d like…”

Lucas cut you off. “You talk as though I have no idea what I want.”

You looked at him sadly, seeing the frustration in his face. “What experience have you had? Do you know if you want to get married? Have children? These are probably things you haven’t even considered yet. I’ve been forced to push it aside because I’m too different.”

Lucas remained quiet, not quite sure what to say.

“Please think on this more,” you said.

“I have,” he said in desperation, his hands cupping your face again. “I want to be with you, and whatever you want, you can have it.” His voice became a whisper and you kissed again.

You woke a few hours later at just after one in the morning. There was a solid warmth against your back and an arm draped over you. The two of you had fallen asleep after an evening of chatter and cuddles under the blanket.

In all the time that you had known Lucas, which was two years, you had never seen him smile so much as he had done that evening. True, since enlisting in the Navy, Lucas had had to grow up somewhat and that change in him had been amazing, going from a boy to a man. A seriousness had settled in him, overriding the boyishness.

You slid out of bed and positioned the blanket back over Lucas. He rolled over and mumbled in his sleep. Something about this still felt wrong. It made you concerned that everyone would see it as predatory. Everything that felt wrong was pushing you to begin writing up that transfer request. Crew from the infamous seaQuest were always welcomed aboard other UEO vessels. The sub still remained the pinnacle of the fleet, highly sought after by new officers for their first tour. A reserve list with thousands of names on had been written up, and if you left, then you’d open a door to someone more deserving of their placement. Allowing Lucas to get close to you had been an abuse of your authority.

“You’re making a habit of this, ain’t you?” Brody laughed, finding you in the mess hall again at an ungodly hour for the second time that week.

“Maybe I am,” you chuckled. “My sleep routine is shot to shit.”

“Did you get things sorted with Lucas?”

“I don’t know,” you groaned. “It still feels wrong. I’m seriously considering putting in a transfer. But I know that Hudson will only take a valid reason before signing off my request.”

“Are you absolutely sure about this?” Brody leaned closer to you across the table.

“I can’t stay, Jim. Things are getting too deep between me and Lucas, and I know that he’s always going to expect something that I can’t give him.”

“I can’t force you to go against what you think is right, but you know we’d all miss you. None of us would want to see you go.”

“I know that, and I thank you so much. You’ve all supported me and I absolutely love working on this boat.”

“Yeah, it is a great place.”

Suddenly, you stopped rigid, eyes wide as Lucas wondered into the room. Brody turned after seeing your expression, and then wished you both a goodnight.

“You okay?” Lucas asked, replacing Brody in the seat opposite you.

“Got a lot on my mind,” you told him.

Lucas reached out and curled his hand around yours. “What’s up? Talk to me.”

Tears filled your eyes and fell down your cheeks. “I can’t do this…I’m sorry…”

“What have I done?” he whispered.

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing,” you sobbed. Your gripped his hand tighter until he came and sat at your side. “You need someone your own age. I’m taking advantage of you with my authority and rank.”

“How are you taking advantage of me?”

“I’m ten years older than you and I’m a Lieutenant.”

“And why should that matter?”

“I…” words were lost.

“We’re both legal age and consenting adults. So does it really matter?” You remained quiet. Then you heard the gentle whisper of your name. “Does it really matter?” he asked again.

“I was considering putting in a transfer,” you said, the words tumbling from your mouth like an avalanche.

“No….no,” Lucas begged, drawing his hand up your face. “Don’t leave me.”

You couldn’t help but kiss his hand and lean into his touch.

“Captain Bridger left. I don’t know if I could handle you leaving, too.” Lucas’ eyes were wide and full to the brim of tears. Everyone in Lucas’ life had left him or cared little, never putting him as their priority.

And you knew then that no matter the outcome of your relationship status, you couldn’t leave. Lucas needed an open ear, heart and mind to express himself to. He’d found that in you.

As everyone prepared their belongings in order to enjoy three days of shore leave, you sat in your quarters with music playing away on your com-link. There was a positive buzz outside your door and foot traffic was loud. It was always the same whenever shore leave was approaching.

A knock came to your door.

Tony appeared. “Mornin’!” he chirped happily. “All ready to go?”

“Yes, I think so,” you replied.

“Lucas told me about your conversation over the transfer. I’m glad you told him you’d thought about it. Are you still considering it?”

You sighed and looked towards Tony. “No, I’ve decided not to leave. Whatever happens, I know my place is here. Lucas has had enough people walk out on him. He needs at least one person to stay.”

“Make sure you’re stayin’ for the right reasons.”

“I thought you wanted me to stay,” you replied with a smile.

“I do. We all do. But you’ve got to want to stay for yourself.”

“Everyone here feels like the friends I never had and the family I lost touch with. Of course I don’t want to leave.”

As everyone began gathering in the corridors to head to the docking bays, you stood between Lucas and Brody, dressed in your shore uniform. As usual, Tony was telling jokes to keep everyone amused.

“Do you ever pause for breath?” you asked, laughing.

“Only when I’m sleepin’, and even then I still talk,” Tony countered.

“He’s right there,” Lucas mumbled.

Shore leave began with all of you checking into a local hotel in downtown just from the seaQuest berth. As usual, the UEO paid for all expenses incurred on shore leave.

Lucas looked on a little suspiciously when you announced that you were next door to Brody and Lonnie, but he was on the floor below. He merely smiled at you, swept a glance to Brody and Lonnie, then disappeared to his own room.

In your room, you placed your bag down on the bed and began inspecting the cleanliness of the place.

You made sure you had a bath before doing anything else. The heat relaxed you and the sweet scent of lavender and jasmine wrapped around you. For a short while and you forgot all the trials in life, all the things that kept you up at night and made you over think. Suddenly, your phone began to chime. With a groan of irritation, you lifted yourself out of the tub, wound a thick towel around yourself and picked up the ringing nuisance from your bed.

“Are you alright? You took a while to answer,” Lucas’ questioning voice came.

“I’m fine. I was taking a bath.”

“Oh, okay. Do you mind if I come and see you?”

“Give me ten minutes to get dressed. I’m in room 712.”

“Okay. Bye.”

He seemed put out somehow. You sensed disappointment in his voice. Did he think you were avoiding him purely because you took time to answer his call? There was definitely a lot that needed to be ironed out between you both.

Lucas came to your room shortly afterwards, holding two paper cups of coffee, probably from the vending machine on his floor.

You thanked him for the coffee and then sat opposite him on your bed. You pulled your leg under yourself and watched him lower his head in that way he always did when he was unsure. “If this is how things are going to be between us now, then I wish they would just go back to how they were,” he said. His voice as pained by the realisation of all the tension he’d placed on your once deep friendship. For a young man who was so intelligent, far beyond that of most people, he held a lot of insecurity and uncertainty. He wore his heart on his sleeve and had never been able to hide his true emotions. There was an honesty and innocence that drew you in. A purity of heart. But also a sadness. If everyone else had abandoned him, how could you be so selfish and do the same thing?

“What’s wrong?” you asked.

Lucas was staring blankly into his coffee. “This. All of it.” He then looked up at you. “The last few days have been hell. I haven’t known what to say or do. And even if you don’t feel anything for me, can we just go back to the way things were?”

“I’m sorry,” you whispered. “I’ve driven a gap between us out of my own fear. Maybe I felt that backing away would help. Being around each other constantly only makes the feelings deepen. I’ve missed you and I do have feelings for you. A lot of them. I was scared of everyone judging me because I’m older and abusing my authority. I have to be careful, Lucas. Especially now that Captain Bridger is gone. He didn’t push Naval code like Hudson does.”

“I know that,” Lucas said, edging in a little closer towards you. That beautiful scent. It made his deeper instinct ride; butterflies were flapping with ferocity in his gut. “You worry too much about what other people think of you.”

“We’re not civilians, Lucas,” you reminded him.

“What would you have done with your life if you never enlisted?”

You took a sip of your coffee and smiled. “As a kid, I always wanted to be a vet, so I’d have worked with animals more than likely.”

“What made you enlist? You’ve never had that typical Navy way about you.”

“I finished university with a useless degree in English and I saw advertisements at a job fayre. I wanted something new and interesting. I almost failed my initial medical though.”

“Why?”

“I was taking medication for panic attacks. I stopped taking it a week before my examination and never declared it. Who wants a Naval officer who’s always anxious?”

“I don’t believe that at all. You’re probably the most chilled of anyone when we have an emergency.”

You chuckled. “I’ve learned to control it. And I find when I’m leading others, I’m more at ease. I can be calm for other people but not myself.”

That evening, a large group of you decided to head for a sit down meal at a local restaurant. Piano music was playing overhead and the lighting was dimmed, adding to a relaxing atmosphere. The waiter, a hook-nosed Italian man in overly tightly trousers, guided you over to a large, round table in the back corner.

You nudged Brody and pointed to the waiter. “It’s a wonder he doesn’t pop a nut.”

Lonnie and Tony immediately smiled, enjoying the fact that your usual self was coming back to the surface.

The whole meal was laid back, fun and light-hearted. You couldn’t help but notice the subtle glances that were exchanged between Lonnie and Jonathan Ford. Tim O’Neill seemed a little irritated by it, rolling his eyes a couple of times. When you saw Tim be so quiet, it reminded you of Miguel Ortiz, whom you had had a slight crush on when you first came aboard seaQuest. He and Tim had been good friends, and since Miguel’s passing in combat, Tim seemed a little lost at times.

By the time that the meal was over, most of the group had disappeared into the bar. There was only you, Lonnie and Jonathan Ford left at the table, which made you feel like a spare part. You excused yourself and walked out the front door of the restaurant. Chatter and laughter filled the air outside on the veranda. Dozens of people were drinking, eating and enjoying the night time air.

You began to walk, crossing the street and heading onto the empty beach. The chill in the air, the bright, full moon and the sound of crashing waves soothed you. In a hectic world where you were constantly fighting for control, you were now centred. Everything was simple. No worry. No orders. Just the stars, sand and sea.

Lucas looked for you, only to spot you standing on the beach. He could tell you from across the street. Proud shoulders, hands in pockets, bright coloured blouse, bandana in hair. That could only be you.

“You okay?” he asked.

You turned and smiled, then stepped back towards him. You curled your arm through his and put your head on his shoulder. The two of you remained quiet for a few minutes, enjoying each other’s company. To Lucas’ surprise, you took his hand and held it tight.

Tony and Brody looked on from the front of the restaurant.

“If the age gap is their only concern then they’ve got more going for them than most couples,” Brody said.

“He’s definitely lucky to have her.”

By the time you made it back to the bar in the restaurant, you and Lucas were hand in hand. Tony grinned at you both and then cheered, drawing attention from the rest of the crew who were all sat in a booth together.

Laughter ensued almost immediately as all the men, apart from Lucas, began competing in a drinking game.

“One, two, three,” Tony counted, banging his free hand on the table top. All of the participants of the game tossed shots down their throats, then proceeded to continue on with a further two, downing them as quickly as possibly without vomiting. Tim O’Neill gagged, almost propelling his meal from his gut. Jim Brody fell into a coughing fit. Jonathan Ford blinked hard, pushing vodka-induced tears away. Tony merely laughed, playing a drum beat on the table.

You could sense Lucas’ eyes on you as you sat beside each other. His arm was stretched across the back of the seat behind you. His nerves were finally beginning to settle a little, reminding himself again and again that it was still you. You were the same person he had known now for almost two years and had had a bad crush on the whole time. There were so many times that he had imagined how you would feel under his fingertips, the way your lips would taste against his, the sound of your hitched breath as you kissed with passion. And you did not disappoint. All of his fantasies had fallen short of the beauty of reality.

Around midnight and the men of the group were considerably less sober than when they’d arrived for dinner just over four hours earlier. Tony was now daring Brody to go swimming in the sea naked, which the Lieutenant was actually considering to do. Ford and O’Neill were arm wrestling, leaving you to chat with Lucas and Lonnie. A bottle of expensive red wine was on the table. Lonnie sipped from her glass now and again, encouraging you to have a drink, but you never drank alcohol as it only made your anxiety worse.

“I’m going to retire to bed, I think,” you announced.

“I’ll walk you back,” Lucas proposed.

Together, you and Lucas began your short walk back to the hotel. You strolled along comfortably hand in hand. People walked past you, glancing at you for only a brief second before continuing on. No one stared like you thought they would. They were all unawares of the age gap between you both that you always thought was noticeable.

**

You woke the next morning to bright sunlight shining through the open curtains. Lucas was lying with his back to you. You slipped out of bed and disappeared into the bathroom.

Lucas heard the toilet flush and looked up at the ceiling, smiling. Would you regret the night previously? He hoped so much that you wouldn’t.

“Good morning,” you said with a smile, exiting the bathroom in your pyjamas.

“Morning,” Lucas replied, groggy with sleep and happiness.

You slipped back into bed and rolled over to him, kissing his lips. He seemed to gain more confidence the more that you kissed. The tension was seeping out of your actions the more that you acted on your feelings. Fear was losing its grip on you.

Both of you remained in bed for a short while, until you announced that you were getting dressed to head downstairs for breakfast.

“I’m tired,” Lucas groaned.

“Get up, Ensign. That’s an order,” you chuckled.

“Now who’s abusing their authority, Lieutenant?”

“Well if you’re expecting any kind of repeat of last night then you’re going to have to be well-behaved now, aren’t you?”

“You never seemed the type to subject me to blackmail.”

“I’m going to head down,” you said, putting the conversation back on a serious note. “Do you want me to bring you anything back up?”

Lucas just smiled. “I’ll come down with you.”

When you got downstairs, Lonnie and Commander Ford were already sat at a table for two. You and Lucas made yourself comfortable just across from them.

“How’s the head, Commander?” you chuckled.

“Strangely it’s okay. For now. No quick and sudden movements and I should be fine,” he replied with a smile.

You poured yourself a mug of English tea and began to eat your breakfast which had been served.

Tim O’Neill came half staggering into the large dining area and plopped down on a seat next to Lucas. “Remind me to never drink again,” he groaned.

Lucas looked up at you ever now and again, his blue eyes twinkling with something you hadn’t seen before. Contentment maybe? Or perhaps happiness? Whatever it was, you knew he needed both, and you hoped that you had given that to him.

The rest of that day was fairly eventful, with a visit to the local art museum with Lucas, Lonnie and Commander Ford.

Jonathan Ford couldn’t deny that he was shocked by the sudden and dramatic change in yours and Lucas’ relationship dynamic. His Navy instinct told him that something needed to be said, a warning to you both of potential consequences. But the kind side of him won out. Why try and damage that haze of happiness that was suspended around you both? Once Captain Hudson returned to the seaQuest, a relationship was something that you and Lucas would have to either end or keep secret. No way would Hudson advocate romance on his boat.

At the beach during the afternoon, Tony sat beside Lucas whilst you remained with Lonnie, enjoying an ice cream cone.

“So? What happened last night? Brody told me that you stayed in her room,” Tony enquired.

“Yeah, I stayed with her. What happened is none of your business,” Lucas replied.

“Lucas, come on! You gotta tell me. I didn’t arm you with rubber for nothin’!”

Lucas merely smirked. “Lets just say that it was put to good use.”

“Way to go, my boy!” Tony exclaimed.

“Tony, shut up. She’s only over there,” Lucas growled.

“So, I need details. How was it? Was she good?”

“None of your business,” Lucas hissed and moved away. He approached you and Lonnie, and as he looked at you, he knew there was only one word that could have described the night previously: incredible. No way was he about to disrespect you and discuss your private life with others.

“Can I borrow you for a few minutes?” he asked you.

“Yeah, sure,” you replied, and got up from the warm sand. “Everything okay?”

You both moved away from the rest of the group. “Yeah. I just wanted to be alone with you for a while.”

The two of you took a slow walk down to the water’s edge, the tide returning from its long descent out towards the horizon. Hand in hand, you were silent for a few minutes. The sun’s rays were warm against your back, but a gentle breeze refreshed the air, biting through the humidity. You felt that inner calm come flooding to the surface again. Lucas’ arm wound around your waist and you prayed in silence that this was the right thing for both of you.

[itstittycitybaby]

Flirty (Lin Beifong x Reader) Part 3

a/n: im pumping these out so fast. after i finish an episode i have to immediately start typing or i’ll go crazy.

“This is Azure and this is Ruby!” The two of them hopped in your palm as you held them out. “They’re prettier up close,” Opal said, grinning. Her eyes were bright today. She looked happier than last night after she ran from Lin’s room crying. You chuckled, “For the most part, until Azure pecks my face for food because he’s a dick.” Opal looked taken aback but didn’t comment on your choice of words. It was weird considering Suyin had a mouth on her when she was younger. Her and her daughter were different.

“Would you like to hold them?” She nodded. “Ruby is very shy,” you said, moving slowly with the hand Azure was on. “So she has the tendency to be more skittish and peckish. She’s sweet though, don’t worry,” you reassured Opal once you saw the nervous look on her face. “Okay,” she said softly, watching Azure stand on her palm. “He’s beautiful.” 

You chuckled, “Oh he knows. The more you feed his ego, the more he thinks he’s in charge.” Opal giggled, stroking his feathers gently. An idea popped in your head. “Hey Opal?” She perked up, “Yes?” “Could you look after Azure today? I have some work to do and he can be a real pain.” Opal smiled brightly and her eyes lit up with joy. “Are... are you sure?” “Mhm,” you replied, grinning. “Just give him back after dinner.” “Okay!” With that you bid Opal and Azure a goodbye. “Whore,” you murmured to Azure as you left, ignoring your leave because of some new attention.

******

Suyin was excited about your plans. Her husband looked over them and praised your new pitch for the tram station. “Hey Suyin,” you said, after her husband left. Suyin hummed while pouring the two of you wine in a couple glasses. “Mind if I ask you something?” She nodded, handing you a glass before sitting down. You sat across from her, legs clamped together nervously. You fiddled with the glass in your hand. “I’m not sure how to ask this..since I haven’t seen you in well, forever.” “Nonsense (Y/N),” Suyin waved you off, “We’re family! I’ll answer any question you have.” “Thanks,” you responded, genuinely. She’d always been so welcoming and kind. The Beifongs were the only family you had. You regretted not staying in contact with at least Su. 

“Whenever I was in the village..there was some gossip.” Suyin’s brow quirked  as she took a sip of her wine. You sighed, brows pulling together and a soft frown on your face. “I don’t really listen to shitty rumors but it’s been so long I couldn’t help but think.. was there something that happened? Between you and Lin..?”

Suyin looked surprised. She tapped her finger on the wineglass as she pondered. The ring on her finger  “Sister drama, you know how it is. Nothing happened. Lin is just so bitter and won’t let go of the past. You know that better than anyone.” You frowned at her words. Suyin wasn’t wrong but..she made Lin sound totally heartless. “I just wanted to make sure. She’s been so...angry since I’ve gotten here. I know I probably have a part in that but..I’m just..worried.”

Suyin leaned over and squeezed your hand. Her smile didn’t seem to reach her eyes. “It’s alright (Y/N). Just give her some time. I can see she cares about you. Not that she’ll admit it.” You chuckled, a grin splitting your face. “Really?” Suyin looked amused at your enthusiasm. You really were a child even from how much time passed. “I promise. Now, why don’t we catch up. I haven’t seen you in what, thirty years?” You nodded, taking a gulp of your wine. As Suyin filled you in about her life you couldn’t help but feel, that she was lying. Your instincts screamed at you that there was more going on than she led you to believe. She wasn’t telling you everything. But she had been so kind and comforting to you since you’ve got here. Surely Suyin wouldn’t lie to you. She was your friend, the one who listened to your ranting after a fight with Lin. Su let you cry on her shoulder once your parents kicked you out and offered for you to share her room. Yet, as much as you tried reassuring yourself, your gut kept screaming.

*****

Lin touched her scar gently. The memories and the emotions she had tried so hard to repress and forget, were now bubbling back onto the surface. Toph had allowed Suyin to walk all over her. She gotta away with anything while Lin busted her ass trying to impress her mother. The price gave Lin a scar that mocked her everyday. It was disgusting to know that Suyin had been let go scotch free and still hadn’t given an apology. 

The needles had done its damn job alright. Lin was reminded of her failure of being the perfect daughter. No matter how hard she tried, Top didn’t seem to care. Was she really that unloveable? Could she even have someone want her? Lin huffed as she limped from the acupuncturist’s office to find Suyin. Her hand trembled from anger and the rocks shifted underneath her feet. It was getting bad again. Except this time she didn’t have her work or whiskey to drown herself in. Beads of sweat rolled off of her face and back. Lin ignored the acupuncturist’s qualms of resting and hurried to find Suyin. She was going to end this once and for all.

*****

Lin dodged the metal sculpture thrown her way. It missed her, barely. Lin raised some rocks from the ground and unleashed them onto Suyin. She couldn’t help but smirk when one of them hit her. Her sister retaliated by hurling metal plates towards her. Lin dodged all of them except for the last one. The impact made her tumble. Another boulder was thrown in Lin’s direction, but she rolled fast enough. She was getting slower and more sluggish. Her head felt hazy but she brushed it off. ‘Now’s not the time.’

Getting into a fighting stance she anticipated her sister’s next move. Lin lifted another boulder. It wobbled in the air but she still flung it toward Suyin. “Getting tired,” Suyin taunted. “Barely,” Lin barked. Suyin flung her fingers and bended the metal wall around her as a shield. The boulder broke from hitting the metal as soon as her sister warped it. “I wonder Lin,” Suyin yelled, face tugging into an ugly smirk. “If this was the reason Tenzin left you. No wonder (Y/N) left to travel the world. They couldn’t handle a bitter woman like you.”

Lin’s jaw clenched in anger. Her teeth ground together and her hands trembled.  She felt hot in her chest and the blood inside of her veins prickled. Lin raised a leftover metal plane on the ground.  “That’s enough!” Lin snapped her head over to the new voice.  The metal plate clattered onto the ground. (Y/N). There was a wooden staff in your hands. You twirled it in front of you, fighting off the tiny sharp rocks Suyin hurled over. Your arms trembled, eyes hushed with angry tears. You shook with rage from the mess in front of you. Lin stiffened; for once in her life she was afraid. Afraid of what you might say or do. Lin finally had you within her fingertips. Were you going to slip away again?

“I left on my own terms,” you growled. “How dare you use that against Lin.” The staff twirled effortlessly in your fingers. Lin was frozen in her spot. All she could do was watch you and your bird flit around you. “You’re a coward Suyin,” you gritted out, “A fucking weasel. What did you do Suyin? Don’t you think you’ve done enough?! ” Korra and Bolin gawked from the sidelines, witnessing unfolding between the two of them.

Suyin’s eyes narrowed. She didn’t say anything. Su’s eyes calculated the situation. Using her sister’s fear to her advantage, she flung the metal wall hard enough that Lin was sent sprawling. “Lin,” you cried out. She flew towards the courtyard and her back hit the fountain’s stairs. Lin growled, rising up again. Her stance wobbled from the force. Little black spots formed in her vision. Shaking out of it, Lin raised her fists, preparing for the next hit. Suyin walked calmy, crossing the bridge. “Are you done,” she asked, sounding bored. “Not yet,” Lin snarled. 

You glided into the air. Your paraglider soared you towards the two of them. A group of Suyin’s people spectated the fight. The tips of your feet touched the ground beneath you. Rolling, you folded your paraglider away. You jumped on your feet and facing Lin. “Move out of the way,” she snapped at you. “No,” you replied stubbornly. Lin created metal shards with her fingers. You grabbed your staff from your back, preparing for the onslaught to come. The shards sliced the air and they raced towards you. The staff moved in a tan blur as you twirled it with rapid speed, flinging some of the sharp metal away from you. They made a thunk, as it pierced into the wood. Once the metal stopped racing towards you that’s when the adrenaline died down. Your temple seared with pain and felt warm and sticky. You hissed, fingertips touching the wound. It stung like hell. You were bleeding. Your hand flung up to your nose. It throbbed from the blood coming out of your nostrils. Lin felt her heart shatter. You looked up to her with disbelief. She didn’t mean to hurt you, she didn’t mean to-

“Look what you’ve done Lin,” Suyin taunted, raising a boulder. “All you’re good for is hurting people. Especially the ones you care about.”

Suyin flung the boulder. Ruby started fluttering her wings, her cries piercing your ears. The pain in your temple worsened more thanks to her screeching. Ruby flew away from your shoulder to safety. Turning around, you shifted yourself in front of Lin. “Move,” she shouted. You ignored her, pressing your fingers into your palm. An orange shield burst out from your palms and surrounded the two of you. Lin gasped softly. Son of a bitch actually did it. You stood in front of her determined. The orange bubble was see through like an orange stained glass window. Your stretched your hands and fingers out in front of you. As soon as the shield popped up, Suyin’s boulder hit with a sickening crack. You cried out, straining to hold it up. A searing pain erupted through you. It felt like your soul was splitting in two. “It’s hurting you,” Lin cried.

Suddenly, a flash of green jumped on the bridge between you and Suyin. Opal. Air pushed out of her hands. “Fuck,” you shouted, shield starting to crack.  “You’re both sisters,” Opal cried, “Why are you hurting each other?!” Her words fell on deaf ears. Lin was focused on how your body swayed, struggling to keep itself up. Lin yelled, “(Y/N), stop. This isn’t about you! Save yourself!” The shield shattered. Orange shards flew into the air and dissolved into nothing. You whimpered, tumbling to the ground. Lin’s heart tugged at your soft cries. Ruby flew to you immediately, shrieking. Lin hobbled over and panted. The red parakeet’s high shrieks made her ears hurt. Her vision started to fade. She felt weak. She was hopeless to do anything. Lin’s feet fell under her. She stretched her hand out, trying to reach you. You were too far. The last thing she saw was your unmoving form, curled in on itself.

[foulserpent]

ned meets sheogorath (1836 words)

cw: suicide mentions

"HELLO Nedirael! Glad you could make it out here!" the voice boomed, familiar and all the more alien for it. 

Ned stood across the hall of a grand throne room, weary and bedraggled and half clad in a weak leather armor he’d found himself not needing. A great tree loomed in back, its leaves an autumnal blaze of reds and oranges that bathed the room alien sunlight. Two torches burned a bright icy blue and a pink to either side of the throne, setting the stained glass to either side into a dizzying array of sparkles far too overwhelming to see what they depicted. Everything seemed to bend inwards, space itself being pulled to a singularity at the center.

There sat Sheogorath.

They looked a lot like Xikeel, much as they did when they had appeared to Ned weeks before, almost a decade after he had last seen his friend alive. They were a brighter red and crowned with teal horns, with scales that reflected with iridescence in every color he could imagine and some beyond that. They wore a robe almost equal in vividness and fluttering ceaselessly. It hurt Ned's head to try and see where embroidered fabric ended and tiny, colorful butterflies began. 

Perhaps most striking of all was the beard. How the hell had she grown a beard?

"Hi, Xikeel." Ned said as he made his way down the aisle.

Sheogorath shifted in their seat, resting their hairy chin on three hands with an expression of exaggerated annoyance. Some butterflies swarmed upwards, before settling back into the shape their sleeve.

"Don't you know my name?" Sheogorath asked. "I didn't work so hard just for nasty little mammals to come in here and call me all manners of nonsense words."

The butterfly-robe scattered yet again, their little bodies intertwining and blending like paint on a brush to form another scaly arm. The daedra began to drum that hand onto the throne.

Ned grimaced. If there was any doubt that his old friend had really changed into something else, it was dead and buried.

"For fucks sake Xikeel," he said, ignoring the daedra's many eyes rolling. "I thought you were dead, I thought- I thought the Blades took you out, or you went off and, uh,"

"Tried the same thing you did? And did a better job at it?" Sheogorath grabbed the edge of thin air and lifted off of their throne. They made a great show of crossing their legs in midair, before slouching into another relaxed position. 

"No, no, no, your friend just got lost. Can't blame her. It's sooooo much nicer here than out there!" They punctuated by even more arms flinging themselves into existence in a gesture of pride, before dissipating into more fluttering insects.  

"So, what actually brings you here? Surely not just to stand around and gawk."

“I-” Ned started, but he was interrupted. 

"I hope you like my palace? And my realm? I changed things up around here. My saints really want to kill you, and most of the beasts here wanted to eat you or lay eggs in you, but I told them, 'no! This is a guest of honor!'"

The Golden Saints half hidden in the dizzying light of the room gave no acknowledgment, though they all stared down at him with unblinking needle-slit pupils. Ned continued to ignore them.

"Okay, so if you aren't Xikeel, then what makes me the goddamn ‘guest of honor’?" He asked.

"I mean, if you want my Saints to hunt you for sport I guess I'm open to-"

"No, no, I'm good." Ned interjected. “I’m just. What happened to you?”

“Nothing happened to me. Well, something did. Happens every thousand years or so, but I’m back to normal. I’m my own man. I’m brand new!” Sheogorath cheered, then lowered their head in seriousness. “And to answer your obvious question, your friend helped with that. So I returned the favor. Said goodbye for her. Like, ten or a hundred years or something late, but I did. Sorry, I forgot.” 

Ned felt his head start to ache. 

“I didn’t come all this way to listen to this, I mean holy fuck are you getting this?” He threw his arms out. “I thought you were dead.”

“Well, that’s kind of a you problem, isn’t it?” Sheogorath yawned.

Ned’s rubbed his face in exasperation, sucking air between his teeth.

"Xikeel... Can you please-" He paused, a stupid question forming in his throat. He already regretted it before it clumsily fell from his tongue. "Please just stop it?"

Sheogorath gave him a blank stare.

"Oh, okay!" The daedra said. 

With a puff of smoke, Xikeel stood before him. She was as he remembered, small and spindly, dull red and broken-horned. She wore the same cheap shirt and trousers as that final day. Everything was just as he'd last seen her, standing in the doorway ten years ago, saying "I'm going out" and getting only an "okay" in return, walking out of the door and out of his life and out from the world.

Ned froze at the sight of his friend. He could scarcely bring himself to breathe, feeling as if the very act would blow her away. She gave him a smile - just slightly parted teeth. Not an argonian smile, but one she would give to him, to Martin. A gesture that could soothe a mammalian friend more easily than the subtleties of argonian facial expression. She smiled under blank, golden eyes.

"Did you really think that would work?"

Ned went cold.

Xikeel's body twisted back into oblivion.  It stretched and lengthened until they were something like a dragon, long and blazing and too familiar. They danced in airborne circles around Ned, trailing sparks as they passed.

"Alright, here's one for you. Imagine you find the last surviving shard of your family, blackout drunk, drowning in a river!" They spat the words like venom.

Ned's stomach dropped even further.

"And you pull it out and pull the water from its lungs, and you say, 'Please don't go! I need you!'" They shrieked. A mockery of tears bubbled up from Sheogorath's many eyes as the daedra swam in dizzying loops around the man. "I need you so much! I can't do this alone, please!" They cried.

"And after all that, after everything, it does it again. And it punches your idiot face when you try to stop it!" Sheogorath spun one last loop, catching the tears in their cavernous mouth before swooping up towards the ceiling.

"I'm sorry." Ned said.

He had just wanted to die. He had enough of getting back onto his feet only to have everything he built be ripped out from under him again. He had been so tired of being kicked and beaten until he was reduced to some scarred thing that somehow hadn't yet learned not to rest its head in any open hands that were offered to it. He had only seen one way out. God, he didn't want to hurt her. 

Sheogorath now twisted in tight spirals, filled with some frenetic energy and half screaming.  "Yeah, that really is the kind of thing that changes a person! You're getting it now!"

"I'm sorry." Ned said. "I'm so sorry, Xikeel."

Sheogorath dropped like a shot bird, landing on four legs with a heavy thud. They crawled towards Ned with a terrible speed. The man flinched but did not move. The daedra loomed to their full height, sticking their whiskered snout into his face.

"Who are you apologizing to?"

Ned's face contorted with pain. Finally, a sob tore through his throat.

"Who are you apologizing to?!" Sheogorath roared, yellow eyes flashing like stars far beyond the border of their face. They cut golden fractals through his tears.

"Who are you apo-" Sheogorath was cut off as the man flailed, batting their face away. Ned stepped back, frame now wracked with sobs. He dragged in a shuddering breath, and screamed.

"Fucking STOP IT!"

The palace was silent. A heavy absence now choked out the air. Ned's shuddering gasps came to Sheogorath as if through water, a thick dark river their gills fluttered against in vain.

"Xikeel.. I know... I know..." Ned trailed off as he broke into sobs.

Sheogorath hadn't felt the man's touch. They weren't this body, they were the whole room. They were the whole city. They were the whole realm. The body was merely a face for it, cradled in the daedra's own churning belly. How had it felt the man's touch?

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

The daedra did not have tear ducts. Their eyes could hardly even be called eyes, really. They came and went as they pleased. 

"I'm sorry."

Sheogorath did not know if it was the man who now spoke, or their own. They didn't move closer. They just sat on the ground and bent their head.

Bridged in misery, the two rode out their sobs.

"This place isn't safe for you." Sheogorath finally said. Their voice came out a soft monotone. It was smaller now, too much of a fragile hollow-boned thing to come out of a god's mouth.

"I know, I know."

"People who come in here have a hard time getting out, sometimes."

Ned laughed. It caught in his throat and shuddered into another sob. "You think?" He asked.

Sheogorath slithered next to him. He didn’t look at them, far too occupied with wiping tears from his face, which fell in spite of his efforts. His wet face sparkled in the firelight, and he was smiling in a way hurt things do. Sheogorath took one last look, setting all these features to memory and holding them close.

Ned finally looked her in the eyes.

Without another word, Sheogorath opened their mouth and swallowed him. For just a split second, Ned saw an alien sky full of stars. He was a weightless mote, adrift in a sea that stretched shoreless long past any horizon. Wind whipped his sides, eroded him away to a core and back again.

Then, warmth. A sun that was not his sun caressed his skin yet again. He realized, with a start, that he'd been holding his breath.  

He opened his eyes.

Ned stood on the edge of the portal where he had come in just a day before. Brightly colored butterflies drifted around the edges, burning to sparks as they hit the barrier and flaring back into life as they bounced away. He was alone again. Unharmed and untouched, with eyes still burning with stars and tears. His breath came in shudders.  

He was facing the twisted reflection of his own world, far away beyond comprehension and close enough to touch. It was morning. There was the lake near Bravil, the treeline in the distance. He thought he even saw the dim outline of the tent Shap had pitched to wait for him.

The message was clear. It was whispered in the wind, punctuated in the beating of chitinous wings.

Go home.

"I’m sorry.” Ned whispered.

Go home.

[masterthespianduchovny]

Early on, Severus learned that life wasn’t fair.

He knew that he either had to accept it or drown in things he couldn’t control. Life was hard and unforgiving, but he was a stubborn kid. He refused to accept his circumstances at home and refused to back down at Hogwarts.

Nothing was handed to him in life. Severus had to work for everything, which was fine by him. No one could ever say he wasn’t deserving of anything he earned.

He arrived in Norway with not enough money for food and board. Slept under a bridge until he got his first paycheck, and then rented the poorest, dingiest accommodations he could find with his first paycheck.

He grew up in poverty. What he lived in now was better than where he came from.

But it wasn’t easy.

Living on the streets and looking for a job.

Without an address, many didn’t want to employ him. However, he was determined. He didn’t leave his home and Hogwarts behind to die on the streets in a foreign land.

Severus applied for every apprentice position he could find. Every single one turned him down. Refusing for that to dissuade him working, he offered to do maintenance work. Clean the shop, put away items, and whatever miscellaneous work needed to be done.

He was hired on the spot.

Admittedly, Severus was severely underpaid, but it didn’t deter him. This was only temporary. He’d find something better.

Within a few months, something better found him.

He’d heard a group students arguing about the ingredients of a potions brew. One of the students lack confidence in their answer and the other had 100% belief that they were right. The group went with the confident person, which infuriated Severus.

“Idiots,” he spat. “If you’re the best Durmstrang has to offer, no wonder many parents are sending their kids to Hogwarts. Don’t worry about failing potions, you’ll be dead before the professor can even assess it. He may be a spineless fool,” Severus nodded to the kid who initially disagreed with the overly confident teen. “But at least his brew won’t kill the lot of you...unfortunately.”

Storming out of the deli, Snape prepared for a duel as he discreetly got his wind. Sourly, he chastised himself. This was the first day in weeks he treated himself out to eat because he had to penny-pinch to make ends meet. If the original brew wouldn’t have resulted in death, he would’ve kept his mouth closed. Now he had to fight a group of boys, which gave him a flashback of his time at Hogwarts.

As predicted, the boys attempted to attack him. As Severus prepared to defend himself, someone intervened.

“Hey, what’s going on here?” The man looked at the six of them.

“Nothing,” the man repeated. “Well, the six of you will be doing nothing or SOMETHING in detention with me for the next month.”

Severus pocketed his wand. “I don’t go to Durmstrang,” he said. “I won’t be doing shit with you.”

Assessing him, the man raised an eyebrow, and then glanced at the guy he’d been walking with. “You’re not a student and you’re not a local, there’s no accent. What are you doing here?”

Inwardly, Severus sighed.

When the school term started, he realized he was in the vicinity of where durmstrang was located. Although he didn’t know where the school was nor did he attempt to look, it was quite obvious. The shops that primarily existed for students, the crowding every weekend, the adults who appeared to be monitoring kids.

Naturally, since no one knew where Durmstrang was if they weren’t a student, teacher, or anyone directly affiliated with the school, those who were were suspicious.

“Looking for an apprentice position. I didn’t finish my seventh year, so no Master was interested in taking me on,” he groused.

“Ha,” one boy exclaimed. “You couldn’t even pass your seventh year and you’re calling us idiots?”

Fuming, Severus said, “I did not fail my seventh year, I left. Besides, there was nothing left to teach me that I hadn’t already taught myself. Your potion brew solution is pathetic and if you want to die as a result of incompetence, perhaps they’ll include you in lesson books as to what not to do.”

The other man spoke, “How was their brew pathetic?”

Severus noted the time. “Ask them yourself, they’d love to dazzle you with their stupidity.”

The man scoffed. “Just like I suspected. A bloke full of himself who has nothing to show for it. No wonder none of the masters wanted you as their apprentice.”

Scathingly, Severus explained how and why the potion brew was incompetence at its finest. That him brewing with dirty utensils would be a safer option than whatever this group of boys could do in perfect conditions. Severus cited his Hogwarts issued potions book, which he pointed out was outdated, and said that he’d trusted that over what he heard the boys discuss (and he’d stopped using the books as a source to brew from after his fourth year).

Smiling, the man said, “My name is Rodolphous Sweeney. I own the potions shop two blocks over. I’d like to talk to you more about your potions knowledge.”

“I need to get back to work.” Severus began to walk off.

“How about this?” The man spoke loudly. “If you come back to the shop with me and make three potions without any assistance or mistakes, you can be my apprentice. If you’re successful, you can start today.”

Severus stopped. “Why would you do that?”

“Because you’re right,” he said. “Their potions brew was pathetic. And a wizard that can thoroughly discuss the finer points of potion making based off of a passing discussion is someone I want as an apprentice.”

Severus followed him to the shop.

“What’s your name, boy?”

“Severus Snape.”

Without breaking a sweat, Severus completed each potion with time to spare. In amazement, Rodolphous assessed each potion.

“They’re...perfect,” he complimented. “You’ve completed these in less time than any published books states.”

“I told you, the books are outdated,” Snape said.

“Or they haven’t been updated because there wasn’t anyone brilliant enough to modify any of these instructions to merit an update.”

Blankly, Severus stared at him. “It was obvious.”

“No. It wasn’t.” Rodolphous put the potion down. “What’s obvious to you isn’t apparent to most. You have a brilliant mind, Severus. With that being said, you do have a lot to learn. School only sets the foundation of what it takes to fine tune our knowledge and skill.”

Severus’ black eyes followed Rodolphous as he walked.

“We can learn from each other,” he continued.

As promised, Severus was immediately hired. Rodolphous explained the ins and outs of his business and what he expected from him. It all sounded reasonable to Severus as he shook hands with the potions Master.

In no time, he was Rodolphous’ top apprentice. Frequently collaborating on projects with him and trying experiments.

Severus lived in his dingy quarters for a year until moving into a modest apartment. Bought actual food, still cheap, books, and saved the rest. Unlike with his former employer, he was being underpaid. His time and skill was valued as he learned more about potions and how other disciples connected to it.

He felt like he belonged...somewhat.

When his mother became sick, Rodolphous gave him time to tend to her and promised he’d have a job to come back to when he took care of his personal business.

As he took care of his mother, his father was died. Tobias Snape was violently mugged and choked on his own vomit in an alleyway. His mother died little under three months later.

Complicated feelings swirled within Snape. His tormentor was finally dead. Although his father never put his hands on him, Severus still carried emotional scars. The baggage that continued to weigh him down even though his father was dead.

A weight was not lifted. He didn’t feel better or free.

He just was.

His mother was different and more complicated. He loved and resented her in equal measures. She could’ve left. Why didn’t she leave?

Why didn’t she get them out of there?

He held her hand as she laid dying in her bed. He hurt and wanted to forgive her. His anger pent up ready to boil over.

His heart breaking as her heart failed her.

What was the use in being angry?

At her at least?

Instead, they reminisced over the few happy memories they had. Severus got read his mother books and watched her favorite shows with her.

She died before the episode was over.

Another funeral in less than three months.

Severus was emotionally exhausted in a way he couldn’t deal with. In a way he didn’t want to deal with.

As he did years before, severus kept very little personal items. He sold what he could and threw away the rest. With the money he made from his sells, Severus fixed up the house and contacted a realtor about selling.

Keeping this house meant holding on to memories. Unpleasant memories.

Months later, he came back to Spinner’s end to finalize the deal.

He ran into Lily Evans—Lily Potter.

“Hi, excuse me,” she said.

For a moment, Severus was taken aback. Still beautiful. She always had kind eyes.

Ever since he left hogwarts, whenever he was at Spinner’s end, he used poly juice potion of Rodolphous. He didn’t want to risk anyone (Lily, really) recognizing him.

“Yes,” Severus said.

“Are you the new homeowner?” Severus looked at the sold sticker slapped on the for sale sign.

“No. Afraid not,” Severus said, carefully.

“Do you know what happened to the Snape family,” Lily asked. “I haven’t been around these last few years. I went away and...” she shook her head. “So, I haven’t been up on what’s been happening.”

Severus saw the wedding band on her hand. She couldn’t have married Potter, could she? And so soon?

“Unfortunately,” Severus began. “Tobias and Eileen Snape have passed away.”

Lily clutched her chest. “Oh my God, really?” Severus nodded. “Poor Severus. How is their son holding up?”

“No one has heard from him,” he said. “Apparently he disappeared a few years ago. Without a living family member to claim the house and no one paying the mortgage, the bank seized and sold the house.”

“That’s horrible,” she murmured to herself, tears welling in her ears. Lily wrapped her arms tightly around herself. “Their son and I used to be friends. We ended on a bad note before he disappeared out seventh year. I sometimes wonder where he is. If he’s safe. If he has anyone.”

“Maybe he doesn’t want anyone to wonder after him,” Severus said.

Lily furrowed her brows. “Everyone wants someone to wonder after them. Everyone. I knew Severus was having a hard time at school, but —“

“Lily, my dear, we have to go,” James said as he walked up to them with a baby boy in his arms. “You said it’ll only take a moment.”

Lily wiped her eyes. “Severus’ parents are dead and no one still has heard anything from him.”

Shocked, James looked at lily. “Snape’s a smart guy, he probably—“

“I have to go,” Severus said, walking away before they could speak.

When he returned back to Norway, Severus was quite and kept to himself when work was over. Seeing lily again was a surprise, but he still was grappling with the death of his parents. Why didn’t he feel any different? Well, better? His violent father was dead. Instead, he felt worse and aimless.

As Severus inhaled his cigarette, his co-apprentice Chorus joined him in the alley. Stealing the cigarette from his mouth, she inhaled.

“I was smoking that,” he grumbled.

“I know,” she said. Once again, she puffed, and then handed him the cigarette. “We’re having drinks tonight, join us.”

“I’m not in the mood.”

“I wasn’t asking.” A smile played on her lips. Chorus looked at Severus sympathetically. “I know you’re having a tough time. I get it.” Chorus was very open about the unexpected and tragic loss of her parents. “But you won’t feel better isolating yourself from everyone. Have one drink. If you aren’t having fun by the time you finish it, you can go home. My orders.”

If Severus could smile, he would.

Three beers in, he managed to laugh. Privately, each apprentice spoke to him and expressed remorse for his loss. They appeared to be genuine and offered to help if he needed anything.

Throughout his entire ordeal, they consistently reached out to him while he took care of his mother. Looked in on his apartment. Didn’t touch his station.

Didn’t laugh at him.

Calling it at night, Severus said, “I’m heading out.”

“Can you walk me home?” Chorus walked beside him.

“Uh...sure.”

They chatted on their way to his apartment. Chorus wasn’t just easy to talk to, she had an interesting mind.

“For a world filled with possibilities, wizarding society has such a limited viewpoint,” she said. “Dark magic. It’s a fascinating field of study, but people think that just because you find it appealing it means you’re evil. Or the bullshit categorization what is it isn’t evil.”

Severus arched an brow. “Such as?”

“I understand that there’s levels to this shit,” she began. “However, shouldn’t there be more strict guidelines other than ‘you have to mean it?’ That’s a pretty low bar. Why can’t there be ‘grey magic?’ On a purely academic level, dark magic is interesting as hell. It’s a rich subject because of how intense, unpredictable, and powerful dark magic can be. Who wouldn’t want to study that?”

They moved on to lighter topics.

When they arrived to the front of Chorus’ apartment building, she said, “You should come up.”

Baffled, Severus said, “why?”

Laughing out loud, chorus covered her mouth. “I told them you were bad at this.”

Humiliated, Severus began to walk away when chorus grab his jacket and brought her mouth to his.

She waggled her eyebrows. “You should come up,” she repeated.

“I, um—I,” he stammered.

Chorus kissed his again. “It’s okay,” she promised. “Just follow my lead.”

Slowly, she led Severus upstairs and into her bedroom.

Chorus took her time and was patient with Severus to which he was appreciative of.

[please-buckme]

You Belong with Me. - Anakin Skywalker x reader

Unisex.

⚠️Warnings: the reader says goddamn.

3113 words

This day started the same as any other day. You woke from your small room that was very high up in the Jedi Temple. You got out of bed and got ready for the monotonous day a head of you. You took a quick shower, got out and dried off. The only thing you took extra time on was your Padawan braid. You wore it with pride no matter how bad you hated it and couldn't wait to become a master to chop it off. Throwing your robes on quickly, you headed for the door. You only had an hour before your meeting with your master and the council. You wouldn't dare be late but you had gotten back from a mission very late the night before and hadn't eaten in days, so you headed to the dining hall to grab something quick like a meiloorun and some juice.

You had hoped to run into some friends along the way since you hadn't been home in a while. Your two best friends were Anakin and Makenna. Both extraordinary Jedi and your most favorite people in the world. But to no avail that's not who you ran into.

"(Y/N)! Oh I am so glad to see you've made it back safely!" Padmé says running up and embracing you in a rather tight hug. "When did you get in?"

"We got back last night. I would've told you but it was very late." You say breaking the hug and awkwardly crossing your arm to hold the other. You had known Padmé for a long time. You once had to escort her back to her home planet on Naboo for a mission, so you had gotten to know much about her. But it seemed no matter how polite and gentle she was a part of you was always a little intimidated by her. After all she was one of the most beautiful women in the galaxy and to top it off, a senator. You couldn't help but stare at the floor when talking to her, almost as if her beauty was blinding.

"Ani will be so glad to hear you're back." She said rubbing the arm you were holding. You suddenly sensed the feeling of worry coming from Padmé. You look up into her sorrrow felled eyes.

"What is it?" You ask. She makes a you-already-know face towards you and you bring your hand up to pinch the bridge of your nose. "The dreams again?"

"Unfortunately. But you know he won't tell me about them." She now puts her head down shaking it side to side. "It's just- I don't know why he can't talk to me, I'm his-" she smiled down at the floor shaking her head, "Apart from that I'm glad he has you! You are his best friend!" You cringe at her last sentence. You loved being Anakin's best friend but an even bigger part of you wants so much more. You've never felt in competition with Padmé because there's no contest. He would pick her every time and you couldn't blame him. She wore the most extravagant dresses credit could buy and you were in your tolerable, baggy Jedi attire.

"Okay well just tell him to come find me later." Your mind was being overcome with ill-mannered comments about how she didn't deserve him but you kept quiet. "Shall I escort you to the dining hall?" You hold your arm out to walk Padmé down the long corridor to the dining hall.

"Oh this is perfect! I was just heading that way to speak with Ani. You may join us." Padmé says as if you had no choice, but you didn't like being around them when they were together. You were consumed with jealousy when he, or she, made advances towards one another. Anakin would always look at her so lovingly as he caressed Padmé face, she'd blush and reveal her bewitching smile. Neither of them knew your feeling a towards Anakin. You pushed your feelings deep deep down but you were afraid if you got too jealous you wouldn't be able to stop Anakin from sensing your emotions.

"Thank you for the offer, Padmé. But I'm going to be in a bit of a rush seeing as though I have a meeting with the council in just a few minutes, so I'm just gonna sit by myself to not distract myself." What you said didn't make sense in your head and it didn't sound any better coming out. You didn't know what else to tell her though. Hey Padmé I can't sit with you because I'm madly in love with your boyfriend. Absolutely not.

"Oh, okay! That's fine. I'll just have him find you later." You could sense something was off about Padmé again but this time you weren't sure what.

Once you got into the dining hall your eyes overtly go to Anakin sitting by himself. Your breath hitched in your throat at the mere sight of him. You started to feel your cheeks warm up as you blush. You then clear your throat and tell Padmé goodbye before she makes her way to Anakin. You grabbed your breakfast and sat just behind them at another table. You didn't want to sit with them but you wanted to hear their conversation.

Padmé was upset with him, that much you knew. She kept saying things like; you always do this, how dare you and even sometimes I question our alliance.

She was talking about their marriage. She doesn't know you know about their marriage but you did. When Anakin told you he was so happy. You faked it for hours then finally excused yourself to your room and almost drown in your own tears. He talked about wanting to marry her but that's not the Jedi way so you thought nothing of it. You didn't talk to either of them for weeks. Your master knew of your feelings for Anakin, so she helped you out by telling them you were on a mission when in reality you were so emotionally weak you could barely move a muscle.

"Hey you're back!" You heard your friend Makenna from over your shoulder. You shushed her still trying to ease drop on Anakin and Padmé. "Oh shit what'd I miss?" She asked trying to get the dirt on their relationship. Makenna also knew about their marriage because you told her. You had to tell her. You weren't eating, you weren't sleeping and her being your best friend you couldn't keep it from her any longer.

"They're fighting." You say in a hushed tone.

"Oh yeah. They've been fighting for weeks now. Ever since you left actually." Makenna said.

"Do you know why?" You ask out of curiosity.

"Just Anakin being Anakin. I heard that he has been disagreeing with the council again and," she got closer to your ear to whisper a little softer, "he's been disappearing randomly. Like he's supposed to be on a mission right now with Obi-Wan, but no one could find him. He's in a lot of trouble right now and Padmé has been livid. They're constantly at each other's throats."  Makenna took a sip of your juice after telling you the recent gossip. Your stomach twisted at the emotions you could feel coming from Anakin. He was stressed, anxious, tired and furious all at the same time. The tension made you feel sick.  You turned your focus back to Makenna to distract yourself from getting sick.

"Doesn't help that he's having the dreams again." You say making her eyes grow huge.

"Again?! What of this time?" She asked.

"I don't know yet. Padmé just filled me in on it. She says he won't talk to her about them, as usual. If he can't even open up to her then why is he with her? Can't he see that I'm the one who understands him?" You say putting your head down now starring at the table. You start to think back to the nights when Anakin would cry himself to sleep in your bed. How you'd comb through is hair with your fingers and watch him sleep. He never slept peacefully but there were those few seconds in between his conscious and unconscious state. Where his head was filled with nothing but the peace of silence, before the dreaming and after the breakdown. Those were the little moments you lived for with Anakin. I wondered if Padmé had every really looked at him the way you do. You doubted it though. Seeing as their relationship is so hidden it's almost like they keep it a secret from each other as well. They always asked for you to join them in whatever they were doing because they didn't like being alone together. And Anakin isn't the only one who keeps secrets in that toxic relationship. He tells you all the time about the secrets she keeps in her head. He, sometimes, even reads her mind because the deceitfulness becomes too much to bare. At this point you're starring at them. They're still fighting but they're covering it up with fake smiles.

"Hey?" Makenna says nudging your arm, "He's a boy. Chosen one or not. And boys are stupid. They see one pretty girl and think they're in love. You and I clearly know that he should be with you but he's not because he's a stupid boy. So, get over him, move on. Stop letting him hold you back from living your life, (Y/N)." Makenna started rubbing your back soothingly and you nodded towards her. She was right. Anakin never showed interest in you and only came to you for his problems. No more.

"You know what? You're right." You say standing up now. "I- I have been living in Padmé's shadow trying to compete and for what? He has never looked at me twice. I'm done. You say angrily in a hushed tone trying not to draw attention. "Thank you, my friend. I have to go now. I have a stupid council meeting." You rub her shoulder in gratitude and head out of the dining hall. When you open the doors to the corridor it almost felt as though you were walking into your new life. A life of no Anakin. It definitely scarred you but it also felt like something you should've done a long time ago.

—————— Night Time

After the council meeting you had a very good day. Your master gave you the day to do as you pleased sense you had been on your last mission for so long. So you just did stuff to kill time and to avoid Padmé and Anakin. Neither of them ever really went to the training arena so that's where you spent most of the day. You trained along side a fellow Padawan, Kham. Kham was a couple inches taller than you but not quite as tall as Anakin. He had darker hair and blue eyes that went with his beautiful dark complexion. It had been rumored for a while that he had a crush on you but you never got that vibe from him. To you you guys were nothing more than just friends.

After training and hanging out for a while he asked if he could walk you back to your apartment. You said yes not wanting to be rude and to also not walk alone. You guys were telling corny jokes and making each other laugh until you got to your front door. There sat Anakin against the wall awaiting your arrival. When he looked up to see you walking with Kham you saw his face contort into a rage. Was he jealous? No he couldn't be. What was there to be jealous of? You were you and nothing more than a best friend to him.

"Anakin." You say greeting him with a nod. For once you weren't happy to see him. At this point you wouldn't mind if you never saw him again. Just the sight of him enraged you.

"(Y/N)." he said back to you in an angered tone, "Kham." He greeted Kham as well. "I've been waiting here for well over an hour." He spat at you as if to make you feel bad. Kham felt the tension between the two of you.

"Okay, I'm gonna go. Anakin," he nodded. "Good to see you and (Y/N) I'll see you tomorrow." He says giving you a sweet smile. You smile back in response and he leaves you with Anakin. Great.

"Why didn't you tell me you were home. I had to find out from Padmé." He says jumping right into an argument.

"Sorry dad we got back late." You say.

"What's tomorrow?" Anakin asked. In reference to what Kham had said to you.

"A word to describe the upcoming day." You say sarcastically knowing exactly how he'd respond. You didn't care though. You simply walked past him and into your apartment.

"You know exactly what I mean. What is wrong with you?" He asks annoyed with your new attitude towards him.

"Are you really here to find out what's wrong with me or for me to be your emotional support blanket? Come here Ani let me soak up every ounce of frustration and anger you feel so you can feel better about yourself." You're tone had gotten louder. You didn't care if the entire temple could hear you. You were just glad that you were finally sticking up for yourself.

"Oh, so now my emotions annoy you?" He says way too dramatically for your taste.

"No Anakin that's not what I'm saying. I'm annoyed that that's all we talk about now. Ever sense Padmé came into the picture all I get from you is your emotional, sad, depressed state and the second you feel better you run right back to her. I'm exhausted Ani. I'm exhausted. I can't do this anymore." You say turning your back to him to not show him the tears you're holding back.

"Well, if that's how you feel then fine. I'll go." You could hear him head to the door but you wanted him to hear everything you had to say because you didn't know if you'd have the guts to say it again.

"You know- I used to think you hung the goddamn moon and all the stars, Ani. I so obviously loved you and you couldn't careless. For years I have been by your side through all your ups and downs and I got nothing in return. You never greet me when I come home from missions but oh- I didn't show up one time when you came home and you didn't talk to me for a week. So you go Anakin because I'm done. I can't take it anymore of this emotional abuse. I- I can't." You could feel the pooling tears in your eyes start to full. The tears you wept were not for him but for you. They symbolized everything you held back from him all these years. You were overwhelmed but relieved to finally be done with the charade and excited to be your own person again, if you ever were to begin with.

Anakin was frozen in his tracks still looking at the door. You cried silently not wanting him to stay and comfort you. You also knew he needed time to process everything you just told him. You'd never talked to Anakin that way and you wish you didn't have to. You wondered if he would indeed just leave. You wondered if he'd say absolutely nothing and walk out the door. But he didn't. All Anakin did was turn swiftly on his feet. Now starring at you he puts one foot in front of the other as if he was going to walk over to you. He stops as if he were still numb by your words.

"You think after all this time I didn't know you loved me? If you didn't love me why would you stay up with me all those nights just to talk? I've always known." He pauses for a moment. You just stare at him in confusion. Were your feelings a game to him? You wondered unto he spoke again. "Even after all this time and all those late nights you never once realized how crazy an- and insanely in love I am with you?" You gasped at his words throwing your hand over your mouth. "I never show up when you come home because I get too nerves to see you and when you come home hurt I- I lose my mind. When you didn't show up that one time I thought you needed space. When I saw you with Kham I almost lost it." Everything he said was music to your ears except the last part. He's jealous of a guy you're not even dating?

"Your jealous of Kham? That's funny, um, how about your wife? How do you think that makes me feel? I have to see you guys together constantly. If you love me so much then why do you torture me? Why did you marry her?" You wipe a tear away aggressively trying to appear stronger than you feel.

"Because I don't have to worry about her as much. Before her you're all I thought about day and night, which I still do. I thought being with her would help me get over you. Every time you go on a mission I'm scarred it'll be your last. I can't think straight or concentrate on anything when you're gone. You're my rock." He walked towards you now at a steady pace. Your tempted to take a step back but you don't. You just stare at Anakin until he fills in the empty space between you.

"I love you, (Y/N). I have always loved you."

You say nothing in response. You just do the one thing you'd been dying to do since you met. You kissed him. You kissed him in a way that cannot be described with words. Butterflies ran all through your body. Your head now feeling dizzy from all the passion and emotion that seeped from your mouth into his. He did not hesitate to kiss you back in this long awaited kiss either. You felt him smile on your lips which made you giggle. You nuzzled you're head into his chest and he enveloped his arms around your lower back. You were over come with joy now knowing that your best friend, Anakin Skywalker, the chosen one, was in love with you. You picked your head up to stare into his beautiful blue orbs.

"I love you, Ani." He just smirked down at you and kissed you ones again.

xMasterlist.x

[razorblade180]

Twin Snowflakes 23: Struggling

“Join me…” Shiva called out to Summer, extending her hand. “It’s been so long.” Her voice was like a siren, tempting and calm. “Aren’t you tired of being so helpless?”

Summer’s entire body seemed to be drawn towards the words. Inch by inch, her feet took her a step closer. However, not without resistance. “No…” Summer muttered, her mind clouded. Her right hand held back her left from reaching out while her legs did their best not to move. “No, this isn’t….I don’t…”

“Don’t try and fight it. You know how this all ends if you do.” Shiva smiled, “Nothing but dread. You keep telling yourself you’ll get stronger, that you can stand alone but you can’t. I’m not the only one who knows it either. How many times do you think your family can save you? They’ll die trying, because they love you despite all reason. Can you live with that? I know you can’t.”

Tears ran down Summer’s face. With all of her power, Summer still made her way forward. “Leave them...alone. Please…” she asked, knowing who she was dealing with.

“I’m not the one hurting them. If you were stronger, then you wouldn’t be here right now, begging. Does it hurt, the weakness? I know it must be unbearable.” Shiva cooed. “You’ll never be enough.”

“I’ll...I’ll stop you.”

“Ha, you can’t even stop your legs right now. Gods, it’s really embarrassing it’s taken me this long to have you. I mean seriously, you’re pathetic. Every pill you take, I spit out. Any cut you carve, I make it like it never happened. I know you know that very well….”

Summer’s eyes begin to dim. The pounding pain in her head banging like a drum solo. Desperately she wished it stopped. Summer wished she’d stop, completely. Shiva had made it very clear though. Summer wouldn’t be done until Shiva said she was done. The will to reach for her was too great, and the pain eased with the gap between them closing.

Shiva smiled tenderly as she watched Summer get closer and closer to the ice. “See? I knew you’d see it my way. Don’t you want the pain to stop.”

“Y...Yes” Summer uttered, losing her grip on her mind. “I….just…...want to……” her will all but left. Not that it mattered. What good did her resolve do her anyways? Every attempt was a failure, a struggle for air that only made what she had left painful. In the end…. “Stop hurting.” Another step closer was taken with ease. Frigid air and Shiva were the only thing Summer could recognize. The world itself seemed to simply...disappear. Until...nausea, right in the pit of her stomach. It began to grow and feel like a hollow pit until, boom! The gap between herself and Shiva has increased greatly. She seemed to get smaller and smaller as Summer felt her soaring backwards until something hard crashed behind her, turning everything to darkness momentarily.

Weakly, Summer opened her eyes. The right side of her face felt cold to the bone and was obstructed by snow. “Wh...what is?” Summer looked in front her to see a white flower at eye level with her. “That...I was wearing that. I fell?” Her mind began to clear and body started to ache. A breeze blew the flower closer. It was only then she noticed the flower was stained red. It was only then… she remembered who gave her that flower. “Ver...onica?” A pair of legs walked into vision but not the pair she wanted to see. Summer looked up to see Shiva looking down at her.

“Yet again, a person is hurt because of you. But don’t fear. That’s your blood.” Shiva said, watching the red substance begin to run down the side of Summer’s face. She bent down and pointed to the lake. “Unfortunately, Veronica has an entirely different problem.”

Summer barely manages to turn her head enough to see the girl in question laying on the ice; the cracked ice. The gravity of the situation makes Summer go wide eyed. “Oh no…” she mutters. Her arm reaches for her blade to find that it is not on her hip. It had fallen off and several feet ahead of her. Summer began crawling but another wave of pain shot through her head, stalling her progress.

Shiva chuckled. “Hehe, oh this is quite the problem isn’t it? That stupid girl knocked you away somehow for your own good, but also managed to hurt herself. I’m not even sure if she’s conscious.”

“Ver...Veronica!” Summer yelled, “Hey! Answer me!” She could get no response and could barely notice the girl moving. Most likely wincing in pain. Summer knew that feeling in her stomach from early was familiar. Veronica must’ve phased her hand or something inside of her body and then sent her flying back by being tangible again. The blow must’ve been too much for Veronica and sent her flying as well. Summer didn’t know if Veronica had thought the plan through and got it wrong, or if she was grasping at straws to do anything. Either way, things weren’t looking too good.

The ice cracked and crumbled a bit more, spurring Summer to continue her crawling to the best of her ability. Every inch gain increased the pain yet again and made her want to vomit at this point. There was no way she could make it to Veronica, but with a blade there was a chance. Still….

“Veronica! Really need you to wake up right now!”

Shiva walked over to a nearby rock and sat down, watching Summer struggle in agony. “I don’t know what you think you do but I’m telling you it’s gonna fail at the rate you’re going. Even if that girl was awake, is she okay to walk? Let’s say she can. That ice is cracking mighty fast and we both know just how cold that water is. Don’t forget you’re a miracle, my little Summer. That girl though? I’d give her two minutes before dying of shock and hypothermia.”

Summer tried her best to ignore Shiva’s words. The vile girl could tell by the tears Summer tried to hold in that the words had made an impact. Shiva kept watching as Summer’s arms trembled and clawed at the ground to drag her body inch by inch. Strained breathing and grunts of pain never stopped and only got worse as Summer tried to move faster when the sound ice cracking got louder. The intrigued smile Shiva usually had was changed to a more neutral face.

“I could save her you know?” Shiva said, getting up. She walked leisurely alongside the wounded girl. “You’d heal in seconds and be able to refreeze the lake with a snap of a finger. You should have no problem tapping into my power. You did say you’ll stop me so you shouldn’t have to think twice about it. Unless...you’re just all talk? What do you say Summer, think you can gamble your life to save hers, or are you too scared to do anything that matters?”

It was a trap, plain in simple. Yet it made Summer falter nonetheless. There was no doubt in her mind Shiva wouldn’t consume her with ease. The chance of holding any kind of fight in this state would be essentially handing a victory over, but that didn’t change the fact that for a few seconds Summer would be able to save Veronica. The fear was what came after that. A fear Shiva must’ve been aware of, because she bent down to whisper in Summer’s ear.

Shiva said in a calm and deceptively caring voice, “I won’t hurt her” before stepping back with her hand stretched out again. Summer’s arms gave out and she laid in the snow, desperately trying to move. Her options were limited. Less than limited. They were gone.

“I’ll fight you…” a voice said.

It reached Summer and Shiva, shocking them both as they looked towards the lake. Without warning, Veronica started moving.

The girl slowly brought her arms in front of herself and began weakly pushing up to her stumbling feet. Pieces of her arms and her left cheek felt numb and burning red at the same time from frostbite. Her knees buckled briefly as she did her best to remain stationary so avoid disturbing the ice further. “I can’t hear her, and I can’t see her either. But...that rotten stench is oozing from you so much I can’t even lay down without feeling disgusted. I don’t know what’s she saying to you but Summer, I fucking swear….”

Veronica lifted her head and stared at Summer with intense catlike eyes and clenched, gritted fangs that bit back the pain. “If you do anything she says, I am going to give you that fight you wanted and beat both of your asses! Is that clear!?” Veronica extended her hand.

Shiva rolled her eyes. “Such nonsense. Just who the hell does she think she-”

“Fuck off…” Summer exhaled. Both of her arms raised up, then slammed to the ground. Mustering all she had, Summer pushed herself up. First to her knees and then to her feet, rising slowly while bearing the pain. “As if...I’d listen to someone like Shiva...about anything?” Summer extended her hand toward the lake with her right arm while the left one braced it with all the grip she had. A single glyph formed under Veronica’s feet at first. Then, another appeared in front of it. And then another, and another; until six total formed a bridge to actual land.

Veronica began to limp from glyph to the next slowly. Each step took more strength than the last until finally she was close enough to fling herself onto solid ground. Weak and injured, Veronica muttered, “See? That wasn’t so hard.” Blacking out right after.

The glyphs and ice came apart while Shiva could not process what she had just witnessed. Biting her nail, she looked back to Summer, who was staring at her with a cold glare that Shiva found deplorable. “Tsk, don’t look at me that. The only reason this is going this way is because that girl over there was capable of walking. Without that you’d still be suffering in silence!”

“You know there’s dignity in just cutting your losses right? Looks like the only failure today is you.” Summer scowled, “Now just go already. It’s over.”

Shiva raised an eyebrow. “Sure about that? Last time I checked, somebody spent an awful lot of time just now drowning in never feelings.” Shiva stepped aside and directed her attention to beady red eyes that were looming in the tree line.

Summer looked around to see only several sets of eyes. That was still far to me in her current state. She looked back at Veronica and kept her eyes on her. No grimm was around her, yet.

“Still think it’s over?” Shiva hummed.

Summer said nothing. Before she could act, a breeze went over her body that stung her wounds before all of her pain began to fade. Not only that, but Summer also felt just a little less tired as well. Confused, she looked back at Shiva and found no one there. Just herself and the grimm that lurked.

“You are so lucky I can’t have you mauled to death in a forest. Yet again you’re only gonna live through this because of me. Count your blessings.”

Summer dove towards her blade and tumbled into a sprint towards Veronica, going as far to slide into a crouch in front of the girl. Summer put a glyph under them and raised it to the sky, watching the beowulves make their approach. Though physically healed, Summer’s body felt so fatigued and riddled with aches that it made the idea of fighting daunting to say the least. Oh well though. Not much choice at this point. Right now it was more than her life at stake. She looked back at the sight of Veronica’s injuries and gritted her teeth. If those injuries left scares…

“Fuck it.” Summer jumped off and dove down right on top of a grimm with her sword right through its neck, freezing it from the inside with ice dust. “I’m so sick and tired of this. All these mistakes, and for what!?” She snarled. The grimm shattered. Summer landed on her feet with frustration in her eyes and grief in her heart. Her hands were thrown up in the air as she yelled at the grimm. “Well!? Come and get it! I got your despair right here!”

The howl of her sorrow met ravenous hunger of theirs, making them attack. Without a witness in sight to observe this fight, it would be hard to even say one happened. For even though her wails rang loudly, Summer began to sound more monstrous and human.

xxxx

It is often said things happen for a reason. For better or for worse, the invisible threads that tie people together tighten and unravel at the whims of fate. Veronica was never one to put much thought in such things. But if she were to, then it would appear fate had decided that the cold forest was no place to unravel.

Groaning in pain, her eyes began to open to a world of light. “Mmmgh, where…?” Her vision adjusted. No longer was in the woods. Veronica was in bed, the guest bed in the manner; in her black nightgown no less. She looked to her left to find an IV drip by her bedside, hooked to her arm. Next to it was a platter of sandwiches that smelled like every barn animal imaginable. Veronica’s stomach was quick to growl. Reaching for one made her wince in pain. It was only then she realized her body had multiple bandages wrapped it and gauze on her left cheek.

“Oh yeah. I got thrashed.” She sighed. Veronica tried moving her right hand but found it weighed down. She finally looked right and gasped. Her senses must’ve been out of whack, because she somehow managed to ignore a sleeping Nick at her bedside who held her hand, tightly. “N-Nick!?”

Her shout stirred him awake. “Huh?” He rubbed his eyes. “Hey….oh? Oh!? Hey, you’re awake! Do you know how worried I was!?” He sat on her bed. “What happened out there?”

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” Last time I checked I was quite literally on thin ice. The pun was given no positive recognition. “What? I quip a little when I’m out of it. You know this.”

“Yeah. That one one was just….anyways, I think it might be better if you went first. Actually, do you remember anything to begin with? Penny didn’t say anything about brain damage when she patched you up but it’s like we saw you get hurt.”

Veronica rubbed the back of her neck. So Penny was the one to tend to her wounds. Made sense. If it had been Nick, Veronica may have died from embarrassment. Emergency or not, having him change her would be too much to handle.

“Veronica? You still with me”

“Huh? Oh, sorry.” She smiled, “My mind wandered, but yeah. I remember.” She propped a pillow up and leaned back against the headboard. “I had taken Summer to the woods to have her fight some grimm and work on her outfit. I thought seeing her fight up close and learning about Shiva would help make the perfect outfit for the tournament. I recently became aware of just how real she is.”

“You didn’t...force her to come out did you?” Nick asked, concerned. It was comforting when Veronica looked at him like he was insane. “So that’s a no?”

“Of course it’s a no! I just got the worst luck imaginable and found what apparently is ground zero for Diamond Dust. So that lake is the spot huh?”

Nick folded his arms and frowned. “Yeah, that’s the spot. I’ve been there a few times after the fact, but Summer never has. Well, until today.”

“Figured. She- hey? Where is she?”

“Resting by now. Don’t worry, she’s safe.”

“Wouldn’t say I was worried. Not with twisted power like that.” She muttered. Veronica continued her story. “Anyways, I guess the shock or something was too much for her to deal with. Summer completely ignored my calls to her and started walking to the lake like a zombie. Ice and cold air blew around her so crisp it cut skin. Getting her attention verbally wasn’t working and I wasn’t about to see what happened if she stood on the glowing mass of dust and ice; so I punched her.”

“You…” Nick tilted his head. “Punched her? And it worked?”

“Well, it wasn’t a normal punch. All that wind and ice made it physically hurt to get close. I touched her once and it messed up my right hand.” Veronica started flexing it. It hurt but it didn’t seem permanently damaged. “I used my semblance the second time so all that wind around her went right through me. I put my fist in her stomach and then boom, shockwave. I wasn’t really thinking much about it, as you can see.” She gestured to herself, “I’m not messed up with dust or anything now, right?”

Nick smiled, “That’s not how that works. As in the dark we are about Diamond Dust, we know it’s not as easy as touching it. Penny said you’ll make a full recovery. No long term damage, and no scars.”

Veronica let out a sigh of relief. “Well I guess I can live with today then. I’ll be honest, I was terrified you might tell me my fingers would never be the same or they had to be cut off.” She laughed about it, but in order to push that fear down. Her dreams and love for creating clothes wasn’t harmed. “After I hit her I got knocked down by the blast and landed on the ice. After that...it’s pretty hazy. I know I managed to get off the ice because of Summer’s glyphs, but that’s it.”

“I see. That matches up then.”

“What does? Summer already said her piece?” Veronica raised a brow.

Nick gave her a nod. Veronica couldn’t help but feel a little bad. “I guess we’re leaving out the part about the fight and having Diamond Dust to begin with. Not that it matters too much. I doubt already having it made this situation happen, but it may have made it harder for Summer to snap out of whatever trance she was in.” Veronica thought.

Nick noticed the silence again and hit worried. He looked at the IV drip briefly before feeling his hands start to tremble anxiously. He managed to take his eyes off of it and looked back to what mattered. “You sure you’re okay? I figured you’d be hungry but you haven’t touched a single sandwich. That and Penny said you were understandably a bit dehydrated.”

“Don’t worry, You’re the one who said I’ll make a complete recovery. I’m only not stuffing my face right now because I don’t wanna look like an ugly animal starved of a meal in front of-” he turned around to face away from her. “.....”

“We did this last time, remember? Now you can eat and I can tell you what happened next.”

Reluctantly, Veronica’s eyes shifted between the platter and Nick. Yeah they did this before but it was still a bit embarrassing. “I swear if you turn around Nick... I’ll be very upset” Yeah, that sounded better in her head.

“I won’t.” He chuckled, “Eat up. As for your question earlier, I knew something was up with Summer because I could feel it.”

“Oh yeah, she did mention something about you having this uncanny twin thing to know when Shiva takes over.”

“Yeah it would be cool if I didn’t fear the worse every single time it happens. Mom, auntie, and I all immediately pinged the location and off we went. Dad came too. By the time we found you both, you were unconscious on a glyph and Summer was cornered by grimm. She must’ve put up a fight considering several were dead already but I’d to think about how long she would have kept them at bay. Summer passed out the moment she saw us. Adrenaline was the only thing keeping her up most likely. Dad healed what he could before we got you both back here where Penny did the real medical work.”

“You must’ve been so worried.” Veronica said, solemnly. “Guess the blame should fall on me this time.”

“I’m not interested in the blame game. I’m just glad we’re past this. You done eating? Kinda wanna flop on the bed.”

“Hehe, go for it.”

Nick leaned back and went limp on the bed. He looked up to see Veronica smiling at him with a thumbs up. He returned the gesture. “I need a break from everything.”

“Whaaaat? Nicholas Schnee wants a break?” She sarcastically gasped, “maybe you’re the one who needs bed rest? Still sick?”

He shook his head. “No, I’m feeling fine. Auntie might’ve beaten the sickness out of me. She’s actually pleased with you for once by the way. Summer expressed just how much you bailed her out of danger.”

Veronica sunk into her pillow. “Like I cared about either of their opinions. Especially your stick in the mud aunt. She’ll still shoot me icy looks.”

“Can’t you take a win? Why are you so negative about everything.” He pinched her leg.

“Ow! I’m injured here!? Also I’m not negativ, I’m just telling the truth. Despite the genes, Xiao Long optimism isn’t-...hey, where is ma? If anybody was gonna be at my bedside I would’ve bet money on her?”

Nick sat up. “Well you know, she freaked out after seeing you for a second and stayed a long time. But then she had to leave to-” A click of the door cut Nicholas off before he could finish. Yang and Blake came in anxiously.

Yang spoke first.“Hey Nick, how’s Ver-” her eyes locked with her daughter’s. The teenager blinked rapidly in confusion. Yang however, she started tearing up and lunged at her with open arms; Blake only seconds behind. “You’re awake!!!”

“Veronica!” Blake said estactically. The two mothers carefully wrapped their arms around their daughter and showered her with love.

“Pick your mom up.” Nick finally finished. “Yang went to pick your mom up.”

“Gah! Yeah, I can see that!” Veronica wheezed, pushing them off to breathe. A little space please!? It’s hard enough to breathe as is! Mom, why are you here so early!?”

“I got a call saying you were hurt! Why wouldn’t I come early!?” Blake said firmly.

“That’s not- I meant how!? Did you just drop everything and hop on some super speed air Shai don’t know about? Menagerie isn’t a pleasure flight away.” They both finally got off of her. Veronica watched her parents look at her as if she said something weird. “What?” She said, raising a brow.

Nick caught her attention with an awkward laugh. “Hehe, so uhhh, one other thing. It’s not Saturday anymore. It’s Sunday afternoon. You uh...been unconscious for around thirty hours.”

“.......” Veronica looked around for a scroll until

Blake handed hers over. That forest incident had to have happened at around 11:00 am since her and Summer left early, so the fact that the time was 3:00 pm and was more than a little suspicious. Veronica sat in silence for a moment, processing. Then...she dropped the scroll. “I lost a day of progress….”

“That’s what you’re worried about!?” Her audience yelled.

“Yes! Nick, you are the last person I wanna hear say that!” She pointed. “This is a mess! How long was Summer asleep!?”

Nick scrunched his face. “Three hours.” He said, slightly whispering. “She heals real fast.”

“Well good for her!” Veronica shouted sarcastically, ignoring the fact that doing that really hurt. “I hope she’s well rested, because we have shit to do.” Veronica tried getting out of bed. A pain in her left side made her wince and putting weight on her right leg made it buckle the moment it reached the floor.

Blake quickly braced her daughter with her hand on Veronica’s stomach to stop the girl from falling forward. “You need rest. Don’t move.”

“Mom, we both know I will try to move anyway. So instead of being a brace, can you be a crutch instead and get me to the door?” Veronica asked needlingly. She had no will to argue. Her eyes got all big to sweeten the offer. Blake let out a sigh then got under Veronica’s arm to support her. Veronica smiled, “Thanks.”

“Mmmhmm.” Blake grumbled, annoyed over the fact she bought into puppy eyes. “Yang, get the door please?”

Yang did just that and looked into the hall. “Uhh fair warning, Summer hasn’t been taking visitors since yesterday and that hasn’t changed it looks like.” She stepped out of the way for them to see Jaune knocking on the door. “This isn’t his first time trying to get her out of the room.”

Nick let out a sigh. “Leave it to dad to keep trying. Summer has been down ever since we found her. More than usual. Maybe give her some space?”

“I recognize your suggestion, but….” Veronica continued out her room with Blake’s house. There was no reason to act any different now from how she always treated Summer. “I’m going anyways.”

“Ver- ugh, at least choose your words carefully please?” Nick conceded. He also was way too drained to argue with anyone. Yang patted his back and followed the two faunus. Might as well see how this turns out.

Thump thump thump, the low sound of Jaune’s knuckle hitting the solid wood door hit rhythmically. “Summer, please talk to me? You didn't have dinner last night or breakfast today. You have to come out eventually.”

“Just go away…” she said, devoid of energy. “I’ll eat later. I just wanna be alone right now, please?”

Jaune pressed his head against the door. Hearing her like this was rough. Forcing Summer to come out wouldn’t help, and telling her how worried people are would only make her feel bad. He knew his daughter though. Summer wasn’t just gonna come out on her own if she didn’t have to. The sound of footsteps brought Jaune’s attention to his approaching friends and family. He moved from the door and gave Blake a side hug. “Not how I wanted to greet you when you visited but I’m glad the trip was okay.”

“Good to see you too, and yeah. I wish it wasn’t because of an emergency. Where’s Weiss?”

“She’s with her sister and Ruby inspecting the lake. They should be back before long.” He looked at Veronica. “How are you feeling?”

Her ears fell down and she avoided his gaze. “Uhhh I’ll manage just fine. Th..thanks for helping treat my injuries when you did. I probably would be worse off if you didn’t.” Veronica said, awkwardly. When it came to Jaune, she could never find herself to act normal. Being calm was always top priority around him. If Jaune Arc doesn’t like you, then clearly you’re a bad individual. Same rule applied for Ruby. Veronica couldn’t explain why their opinion weighed a bit more than others. They just did. “Summer awake?”

“Yeah but-” Veronica knocked on the door before Jaune could finish.

“Hey, Princess.” Summer pressed her head against the door. “I have no idea why you’ve been shacked up in your room since yesterday and frankly I don’t really care.”

Blake frowned. “Ver-”

“What I do know is there’s no way you’re guilt tripping yourself over me, because that would be crazy. Not like you would have expected anything like yesterday to happen, so an apology would be stupid. Just as stupid as if I felt bad unintentionally taking you there in the first place.” Veronica sighed, “Shit happens. Far as I’m concerned...we’re even. The only thing you should feel bad about in regards to me is if you aren't wide eyed and attentive Tuesday evening to try your outfit on. Are we clear?”

They all waited for a response, but none came. Veronica groaned. “Ugggh, I said...are we-”

“Okay! Fine…I hear you.” Summer grunted, more energized than before.

“Hey, you’re the one who didn’t respond. You better see me with a better attitude. Also stick that schedule I gave you. Eating and school wise. Having a pity party doesn’t excuse you from it.” Veronica nagged. She had said what she wanted to. No reason to stick around further. Veronica smiled at Jaune. “Well, at least you know she’ll at least be out for school tomorrow now.”

“I guess that’s one way to handle things.” Jaune wasn’t sure if Veronica was simply irritated by Summer, or if that’s her definition of tough love. The look on Blake and Yang didn’t help either. They were just as confused. “Do you really think you can make an outfit in two days in your condition?”

“I was about to ask the same thing.” Nick said, concerned. Yang rubbed his head and laughed however. “Wait, she can!?”

“Oh yeah. I’ve seen her make an entire collection in three weeks before. It was impressive. Concerning, but impressive.”

“I wouldn’t brag about that. All of them were terrible.” Veronica admitted. “I was crazy to try that, but this is different. I came here with your clothes for you both, remember? I’m not working from scratch with Summer’s. All I need is the finest materials Remnant has to offer in terms of dust and sewing machinery. I’m sure the Schnee family wouldn’t mind giving me access to such things?”

Nick rubbed his chin dramatically. “Hmmm I think we can find it in the budget.” He laughed, pulling his scroll out to make a note of it. “You’ll have it by tomorrow.”

“Then we’re officially back on track then. I could start prep now.” Veronica hummed, until Blake flicked her nose. “Ow!”

“You are getting rest right now and can start tomorrow. This isn’t a negotiation, it’s a command.” Blake said sternly. “Haste makes waste.”

Darn! She was right and Veronica knew it. Resting did sound good though. There was no hiding how fatigued her body was. “Fine, you win. Back to the fluffy bed I go.”

“Nick can you take her back? Yang and I still have unpacking to do. As well as formally announcing we are here in Atlas before the world starts panicking. I miss being like a ninja in the shadows.” Blake sighed.

Nick took her spot under Veronica and walked her back into her room. Blake looked at Jaune warmly and patted his back as the three friends began walking. “Still worried about Summer?”

“All three really. They all felt shaken up in their own way. Nick seemed pretty passive.”

Blake nodded “Veronica too. I think they’re stressed out in a variety of ways. Has she been eating properly.”

“As much as I can get her to.” Yang grumbled. “Nick has been a big help with that. Most of the credit is his. Before all of this, Veronica did ask to spar out of the blue and took my gauntlets. I figured she was still upset from the fight at school but maybe it was because she planned on going into the woods too? Not sure how much Nick or Summer told her about Shiva, but I guess that doesn’t matter now.”

“It could.” Jaune spoke, clicking his tongue. “She may have wanted to be prepared for anything. Wasn’t enough though. Anyways, I think a couple days of rest might do Nick and Vee well. Summer though, it could go either way.”

“Parent life, remember when things were simple?” Yang said.Jaune and Blake looked at her, confused. Thinking about it, they had a right to be. “Yeah you’re right, it’s never been simple. Never felt this complicated either though.”

“I think I know what you mean.” Jaune said cautiously. This anxious, looming thought in the back of his mind made his heart race. “We’re missing something important. Not just about Shiva, but our families in general. I don’t know what it is, but…I feel like we can’t afford to miss it.”

A mournful expression reached his friend’s faces. He was right. Despite their best efforts, loving their kids wasn’t enough; being there for them apparently wasn’t enough either. Deep down they all knew the lives they built had begun to crack somewhere in the very foundation of it all. If nothing is changed then it’ll all come crashing down. Like a house in an avalanche.

Alone, Summer hugged her knees tightly and stared vacantly into the mirror; wondering when she’d finally be able to recognize it.

[itmighthavebeenintentional]

Walk Me Home - Ch 4

Summary: Twenty-four years ago, Kimberly Harper met a boy who changed the course of her entire life before up and leaving one night. She spent years moving past the memories, building a stable, satisfying career as professor of folklore and mythology at the local university. Then the accidents start, and she’s forced to seek help among her hunter contacts. All it takes is a knock on her office door to send Kimber’s carefully built emotional walls crumbling to the ground.

Featuring: Teen Winchesters, high school romance, reunions, misunderstandings, high intensity emotional turmoil, Dean’s love of pie, Dean being adorable, Sam being adorable and maybe a bit nosy eventually, much group adorkable-ness, show-style investigation, mention of our favorite werewolf, gratuitous and obvious love of fall, DID I MENTION ROMANCE, fluff, smut, tension. 

Warnings: Show level violence, show level parental neglect (let’s not John bash, I’m just saying), show-style witchcraft, show-level mental manipulation, stalking, bit of angst, sexual content (higher than show level),swearing, general yearning

Word Count: 2702

Author’s Note: At last!!! I almost didn’t make it, but here I am, literally in the eleventh hour (well, okay, three minutes to go until the eleventh hour, but still)! All the thanks to @mskathywrites , @fang, and @cracksinthewalls for editing, revision, flailing, and all that stuff I need. I still love this story, and I hope y’all will, too! 

Keep in Mind: There are a lot of flashbacks. I tried to write current events in present tense and flashbacks in past tense. Here’s hoping I got everything right!

Please read/heed the warnings. 18+ ONLY. 

In Case You Missed It: Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 ItMightHaveBeenIntentional’s Masterlist

Chapter 4

Kimber knows she’s staring, but she can’t stop herself. His fingers, rough and strong from years of the hardest work, brush circles over her wrists that send her pulse fluttering through her veins. So many emotions flicker behind his eyes, some of them mirroring her own, some of them alien and unreadable. So many years have passed, so much water under the bridge, as the saying goes. 

The thing is, he was completely right earlier. She could have called him, once she learned who he and his family were, once she found a way.

But he had left town with her phone number memorized. He was in a much more logical position to get in touch, and right away, at that. And he never did. She knows he had a good reason, a completely reasonable one that would make sense if she just asked him.

But she’s scared and drained and confused and more than a little ashamed, and she’s tired of making a fool of herself.

She drops her eyes before the tears fully form and murmurs a quiet thanks as she loosens her hands from his grip. Though walking away is not what she wants to do, she forces her legs straight to the bathroom, closing the door behind her with a firm click. 

She’ll feel better after a hot shower. That’s all she needs, a hot shower and a few hours of sleep. They’ll figure this out tomorrow, and then Dean and his brother will ride off into the sunset, and everything will go back to normal. She’ll go back to her classes as usual, helping out the occasional hunter or scholar with some lore, and she’ll bury all these feelings behind her heart again, drown them so deep they’ll never dream of resurfacing.

At least, that’s the fairy tale she tells herself as the scalding stream washes the saltwater from her cheeks. 

She actually does feel moderately restored by the time she steps out of the bathroom. She feels a little ridiculous in Dean’s clothing. The sleeves of the t-shirt hang past her elbows, and the pants legs are rolled up several times to keep her from tripping. 

At least the waist has a drawstring, she thinks as she rounds the corner back into the room. She pulls the towel from her hair, shaking it out a little just as Dean looks up from his laptop at the small table. His mouth opens, eyes widening. She’s not sure because of the poor lighting of the room, but his face seems to color a little as his eyebrows lift.

She is suddenly, acutely aware that she did not put her bra back on when getting dressed in his white t-shirt that is probably not nearly as thin as it feels.

Dean clears his throat, turning back to his computer, swallowing whatever comments have entered his mind. Kimber can’t decide whether to laugh or blush even harder and settles for the third option of hanging her office clothes up so they can air out a little before tomorrow. 

With nothing else to do, she drops onto the edge of the bed gracelessly, feeling every minute of the last few weeks catching up with her. Uncertainty and fear claw at her, ripping away what little defenses she has left. The image of the mutilated doll flashes before her eyes, red paint splashed luridly on her favorite comforter. Her lungs clench, and she sags on the mattress. 

She presses her fingers hard against her face. Acid burns at the back of her throat, bitter and biting. Her fingernails are just beginning to dig into her scalp when she registers the click of the laptop closing. Half a moment passes, then the bed dips beside her. 

She doesn’t consciously decide to move; her body simply molds itself to his side as Dean slides his arm around her back. He turns into the embrace, his other arm gathering her tightly against him. His cheek comes to rest on top of her head. The silence between them is the comfort she needs, his warmth and solidity the anchor that keeps her from drifting too far into panic.

When he finally speaks, his words rumble through her nerves, settling heavy and soothing in her chest.

“We’re gonna get this son of a bitch, Kimber. I’m sorry they got into your house, but I’m glad I was with you. I…” She rises gently with his deep inhalation, pressed as she is against his chest. “I’m sorry.”

She hears what he isn’t saying, and her hands drop from her face, her arms slipping around his middle as her eyes close.

“Me, too, Dean.”

...

“That pumpkin pie was somethin’ else,” Dean murmured. His arms were folded behind his head as he stretched out on top of Kimber’s bedspread. He crossed his ankles, settling in like he belonged there. His thin t-shirt stretched across his wiry frame, jeans lying enticingly low on his hips, and she could just see a glimpse of pink toe through a hole in one of his socks.

A pleasant, off-balancing thrill skipped down Kimber’s spine, twirling through her stomach and making her head spin a little. Dean’s jacket was hung carefully on her desk chair, his boots lined up on the floor underneath, and his button-up overshirt folded neatly on the desk.

Her parents had gone to bed long ago, and she had snuck Dean in the back door. After their exhilarating but chilled stroll that afternoon, she’d decided against the treehouse. Dean had been amused but willing, although he’d had one stipulation that had nearly made her laugh aloud.

“We get caught and your folks kick me out, you’re bringing me your mom’s leftovers to school every day for breakfast. I’m not missin’ out on home cooking just because you can’t stand to be away from me.”

Now, seeing him so comfortable on her bed, like he just belonged...Kimber knew the smile on her face was on the goofier end of sappy, but she couldn’t help it. He was just so damned…

“Cute,” he said, smirking up at her. “I know what you’re thinking. And I’m not cute. I’m adorable.”

She sighed dramatically, feigning exasperation. “Fine, you’re gorgeous, adorable, vital, the absolute most. Now close your eyes so I can change.” Smirk still firmly in place, Dean dutifully closed his eyes. She knew, despite the short time she’d known him, that she could trust Dean to keep his eyes shut.

She spent a few seconds regretting the lack of any silky, dramatic nightgowns or cute, sexy little matching pajama sets. Oh, well; couldn’t have everything. She stripped quickly, tossing her school clothes into the hamper and slipping on her “Aaahh!!! Real Monsters” t-shirt. Thick socks and plaid pajama pants completed her night ensemble. 

That she had just been naked (however unseen said nakedness had been) in front of Dean Winchester had not escaped her. She licked her lips, cheeks warm, and turned slowly back to the bed. He lay still, chest rising and falling steadily, and she marveled, not for the first time, that he was here, in her room. Just for her.

Her pulse jumped, her lungs tightened, and for just a second, Kimber panicked.

“You can, uh...you can open your eyes. I’m gonna go brush my teeth; I’ll be right back.”

She fled silently down the hallway, brushed her teeth in record time, and then stared in the mirror. Her hair was just her hair, nothing amazing or horrifying; no point trying to fix that before bed. Maybe…make-up?

“Kimber. What the hell?” she muttered. “You’re not seducing him, just be cool. Jeez. You can’t wear make-up to bed.”

She splashed cold water on her face, scrubbing her skin dry with a hand towel more forcefully than necessary. She gave her reflection another once-over and took a deep breath.

“You’re his choice, too,” she reminded herself. “Just chill.”

She found him exactly as she’d left him, completely relaxed on the bed, eyes still closed. She thought for a moment that he might have fallen asleep. Kimber wasn’t sure if she felt more disappointment or relief.

“You left in a little bit of a hurry,” he murmured, eyes still closed, and she started. “Everything okay?” She almost put him off, could feel the brush-off on her lips, but his eyes slid open, pinning her on the spot. She got the eerie sense that he would know, that he already knew she was trying to put on a front, and she deflated a little.

“I’m nervous,” she finally admitted. The heat in her cheeks turned up a few degrees, spreading down her neck, and she crossed her arms over her chest defensively. “I’ve never...snuck a guy to my room before. I just...this is mostly new to me, but with you, I want...I don’t know.”

Without a word, Dean slid from the bed and crossed the room, his mesmerizing eyes never leaving hers. He stopped a few feet away and waited, his arms open. With the bed suddenly out of the equation, Kimber felt a hidden knot of anxiety untie in her chest. 

She let out a breath and stepped into his embrace, her arms circling his waist in a way that felt easy and right. Dean’s lips pressed a warming kiss to the crown of her head. 

“Sweetheart,” he whispered. “This is your room, your space, but even if it wasn’t-” He paused, leaning back and brushing his thumb over her cheek. “Kimber, look at me.”

She did, and his earnest expression left no room to doubt his next words. It barely left room for breathing.

“ ‘M not here to make you feel uncomfortable or scared. I’m here because you want me to be. The second that stops, the second I make you feel something you don’t want, that’s it. Period. Does that work for you?”

His eyes, so plaintive and weathered in that moment, cut right to her heart. Never in her life had Kimber felt so safe, so protected, and so very sad. She couldn’t think of any words that lived up to the magnitude of what Dean had just said, so she simply squeezed him tighter, pressing her face against the side of his neck. 

“Can you stay?” she asked. She knew he had obligations, probably needed to get back to his brother or at least check in with his dad. She felt terribly selfish in her warm, safe house with her parents right down the hall. Still, she asked. 

“Yeah, I can stay for a while.” His smile, soft and open, laid her doubts to rest. They settled onto the bed, fumbling a little awkwardly to find a position they both liked. There was some bumping, mumbled apologies, until they finally sorted out a comfortable twist of limbs that didn’t set her heart beating out of her ribs or threaten to cut off blood flow to anything important. 

She relaxed by increments, her cheek resting on his collarbone. He hugged her close with his left arm, his right hand combing slowly through her hair over and over. The silence settled around them like a second blanket, soothing and heavy.

“What do you want to do when you finish school, Kimber? College?”

“Probably,” she murmured. “I don’t know specifically, but I like research.”

He snorted, and she poked him in the side.

“Shut up, you jerk, I do. And I like sharing the information. I like helping people. I don’t really want to be a teacher, but maybe I can find something where I can do all of that.”

Dean resumed combing her hair, having paused when she poked him, and they settled a little more closely together.

“Dean?”

“Mmm?”

She blinked slowly, sleep pulling at her eyelids. Her thoughts spun out languidly, losing their urgency as his warmth seeped through the thin fabric of her pajamas. 

“How about you?”

His answer came quickly, rehearsed and without thought. “Join the family business. Dad’s been training me for years. Don’t have a lotta choice, but I know I’ll be good at it. Was raised for it.”

Her fingers crept up, her eyes staying closed for longer and longer periods between blinks. She slid her thumb over his chin, just brushing the line of his bottom lip before sliding slowly up his jaw. 

His words weren’t emotionless, but they were automatic. There was so much he never said, and she hated to push him, afraid he would just leave or shut down, but…

“But what do you want?” She persisted, drowsiness interfering with her usual restraint. “Who do you want to be?”

He was silent for so long, she nearly gave in to fatigue. She drifted on the edge of unconsciousness, fingers stroking through the silky strands of hair behind his ears. She felt his face turn, his lips press against her wrist.

“I want...this,” he said. Even half-asleep, she couldn’t mistake the raw longing behind his words. “I want...I want to work a boring, regular job and come home to someone who missed me all day as much as I missed her. I want my kids to cannonball into my legs so hard they knock me over. I want…”

His words choked off, and she stilled her fingers against his cheek, waiting for him to continue.

“I want a house. No...I...when I was little, Dad would come home, and he would just...sweep Mom up sometimes, swing her around, when they weren’t fighting. Even when they were, he’d do it sometimes anyway just to get her to laugh.”

She felt his face shift beneath her hand, but his smile didn’t feel quite right, and she moved closer. His arm tightened around her back, and he smoothed the palm of his free hand down to cup her jaw.

“I want a home. I want to be a dad, a husband. I want a family.”

She felt childish, shallow next to the depth of his simple declaration. Dean wanted what she had, what she took for granted every day of her life. This was the first time he’d spoken of his mother, and though curiosity burned hot inside her, she didn’t dare ask further questions, afraid she’d break the spell of the moment.

Dean’s voice dropped until she could feel it more than hear it, his lips pressing softly against her forehead.

“I want to come home and hold someone until I fall asleep every night. I want to wake up to her and know that my whole day, every day, is gonna be just that, all over again.”

She lifted her face to his then, and in the darkness of her bedroom she could only just make out the barest lines of his features. Their noses brushed, his hand gently pulling at the back of her head, and their lips met. His cheek was damp under her fingertips, and her heart clenched. 

She pulled his head down, brushing her lips over the tears trickling down his cheekbones more by feel than by sight. Both his arms came around her then, pulling her against his chest as he buried his face in his hair. They breathed together, memorizing each others’ scents, heartbeats, rhythms as the night crept by. 

The moment didn’t pass so much as gradually relax until Kimber felt him shift beneath her, smoothly sliding her off his chest and down to the pillows. He kissed her temple, and her face automatically turned to his, chasing his lips. She felt him chuckle against her mouth.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, I gotta go. Need to check on Sammy, make sure he got dinner, did his homework, all that mess. I’ll see you tomorrow. Walk you to school?”

She nodded, humming her agreement even as she blindly reached for him. Something soft brushed against her fingers, and she automatically pulled it down, cuddling against the fabric. 

“Hold onto that for me. I’ll get it back from you sometime.” She felt a kiss press to her forehead, and then the click of her door closing. She breathed in, Dean’s scent surrounding her as she slipped under again, his button-up shirt pillowed under her cheek and tangled in her fingers. 

…

Chapter 5