#added bonus that will always get you on my shit list

[labyrynth]

federal free file: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

pros:

very straightforward and easy to understand

little “what is this?” buttons all over the place that had simple explanations, and linked to more comprehensive information.

used the same identity verification system as the CA unemployment department, and effectively lets you use the same account

cons:

somewhat limited in scope; your situation needs to be pretty standard to use it.

CA free file: no stars

pros:

a good idea in concept (and long overdue)

advertised as having fast registration and quick filing

cons:

their identity verification system is broken on multiple browsers, including firefox and opera—you have to use microsoft fucking edge to get it to work (which i had to find out from reddit)

verification rejected with no explanation (why does the CA tax board not use the same system as the CA employment department??)

instead they will mail you a pin in 5-7 business days so you can finish creating your account to file your taxes

5-7 business days: april 18-20

deadline to file taxes: april 15

do you see the problem here

[annwrites]

—fucked my way up to the top

lay me down tonight, i'm your favorite girl. i fucked my way up to the top. this is my show. — hardcorepornking!billyhargrove x softcorepornqueen!reader ; ☆*¨*

tw: nfsw

He leans across the table—his black button-up undone all the way down to his navel, advertising a perfectly tanned and sculpted chest, golden curls falling over his forehead, and that signature smirk somehow now instead replaced by a nervous smile.

"Billy Hargrove— but you'd already know that," he says with a shake of his head.

You slide your hand into his.

"Y/N," you reply with a soft smile.

"Glad we don't have to use our stage names for this meeting, at least," he says with a chuckle, still shaking your hand, as if he's forgotten that it's still within his grip. "Yours is fuckin' adorable, though. 'Lola Love'. I'm—I'm a huge fan. I want you to know that. I mean, I've seen almost all your movies, own most of 'em on tape."

"That's very sweet of you to say. I'm glad you enjoy my work."

You glance down to your hand and his brows furrow before a look of realization ghosts across his features.

"Shit, sorry," he says sheepishly, releasing you then.

Your manager and his both exchange looks, before the four of you finally seat yourselves.

Your cross your thigh-high clad legs—pink fluffy slippers on your feet—and Billy is reluctant to remove his eyes from your pink, satin robe.

He's fucked more women than he can count, but you... You're the one he's wanted to above all others for years. With you...getting paid would just be an added bonus.

Billy's manager opens his mouth to begin speaking, until the young man interrupts him, now grinning, eyes full of excitement just to be near you. "I want you to know, before we start, that I've always wanted to work with you. I mean, since I got out here—since I started shooting movies—it's been a constant dream of mine."

You smile warmly. "That's very flattering."

You then focus on his manager, wishing to now properly start the meeting.

Billy leans back, heart thundering in his chest, and actually fucking blushing. He's never been like this before. With all the others, he's always the one who plays things off as nonchalant. They're the ones who want his attention. But you...you clearly like to keep things strictly professional.

He can respect that. Makes you even more attractive—not that he thought that possible.

It's just that...you're fucking perfect. Perfect body, the goddamn sounds you make when you're on camera, how wet you get, that you make your orgasms seem so real, that you're so sensual, and all your films seem so intimate and beautiful. He's been chomping at the bit for years to get on-camera with you, and now here it finally is: his dreams coming true.

Not that it hadn't taken him being up his managers ass for weeks on-end to get this meeting arranged.

But hopefully you don't know that.

His manager then clears his throat. "Alright, so, we're all aware that you and Billy create two entirely different kinds of content. But our hope is that, by bringing two of the biggest names in porn and the leading lady and man of your respective genres into one film, it can serve as a sort of merging of the 'best of both worlds', so to speak. I mean we," he glances to Billy, who nods his head, leaning back, before he turns back to you, "think this can be a huge opportunity. And we have a lot of ideas, but this is going to be a very collaborative process the entire way through, so I think the best place to start is by asking what hard limits there are for both of you. Because that can really help by narrowing things down."

You clasp your hands in your lap, nodding.

Billy smiles, gesturing to you. "Ladies first."

You smile in return. "Thank you."

You look at his manager then. "Well, mine is a fairly extensive list, in truth. I make my films for a very specific audience, and I don't intend to go against my own interests, but I am open to new ideas. So, to start with, I don't do degradation—I won't lie there while a man throws vulgarities at me. No hitting, slapping, strangulation—"

Billy interrupts, leaning forward. "I'm sorry. Strangulation?"

"Mhm. I know you all in hardcore like to refer to it by 'choking', but wrapping your hands around someone's throat while they struggle to breathe is technically strangulation."

You turn back to his manager then, leaving him tiffed that you're being so short with him. Already this meeting isn't going how he'd always imagined it would...

"I'm not opposed to spanking, but lightly—I won't tolerate any sort of treatment that will leave a bruise or marks. Other than hickys, that is, and even then, it depends. No yanking on my hair, either. Tangling his fingers in it is fine—"

Billy snorts. "'Tangling my fingers'? What's the goddamn difference?"

You blink at him. "I'd prefer if you didn't use vulgar language during this meeting. It makes you come off as hostile, which, in turn, makes me uncomfortable."

He clamps his mouth shut, bouncing his leg in irritation.

"But, to answer your question, tangling is more a...romantic gesture to bring me closer to you, I suppose. Yanking is pulling roughly on it to induce pain. I don't do pain."

He raises a brow, resting his bent elbow atop an arm of the chair, placing his chin in his hand, his index finger pressed to his cheek, his middle over his lips.

You continue. "No spitting on me, no just...pounding away inside of me—"

Billy interrupts again, and shuts his manager down as soon as he turns to him to try and calm his temper that he knows is about to ruin everything. "What, exactly, is it that you do, then? I mean, it sounds to me like the things you are willing to go along with would be a lot shorter list."

You study him for a moment, liking him less and less with each word that he speaks, your patience nearly run-out. "I thought you said you'd seen my work?"

"I have. And I think it's real sweet the stuff you do, but...have you seen any of mine?"

You shake your head. "I don't believe so. No."

He grows quiet for a moment. "None. Not even—"

"I'm sorry. Hardcore just isn't a genre that appeals to me. It's nothing against you, personally."

"Well, sweetheart," you bristle at term, knowing he's using it to demean you. "Softcore isn't my thing. But that's why we're here. To come up with something that leaves both sides satisfied. Sounds to me like you just want another softcore snore fest where you'll get to call all the shots."

You stand then, having had enough.

Richard, your manager, does as well. "Thank you both for your time and for showing interest in working with me. I appreciate it, but I can say with certainty that I'm not who you're looking for. I hope you both enjoy the rest of your day."

Billy's manager stands, then, knowing his client has blown the opportunity. That when it comes to you...second chances simply don't happen.

He shakes your hand. "Thank you for meeting with us. It was great talking to you."

"You as well, Ron," you say before extending a hand to Billy, who's still sitting in his chair, fuming.

"So that's it, then? We come all the way here just to get told no before you even let me speak."

You cross your arms. "In truth, Mr. Hargrove, I find your behavior to be grossly unprofessional. And, given that fact, I don't feel comfortable with even the idea of getting on camera with you—having sex with you even less-so—I wish you luck in all your future endeavors, though."

With that, you nod to Richard. "If you have any further questions, you can speak to my manager, Rich. I'm sure he'll be happy to answer them. But I really should get back to work. We have some re-shoots to get to today. Thank you for coming."

It's just as you've reached the door that Billy lets his top fly off. "You don't think it's the least bit 'unprofessional' that you barely let me get a fucking word in edgewise? That we come to you with a great opportunity and—"

Rich speaks up. "Mr. Hargrove, I have great respect for both you and Ron—he and I go way back—but I won't allow this behavior in my studio. I don't know how you all run things over at yours nowadays, but I can tell you that things around here are done a lot differently. Y/N has declined the offer. The meeting is over. I'll escort you both out."

With that, you step out, shutting the door, Billy's muffled yelling coming from behind you as you head back to set, fluffing your teased hair back into place.

Billy's hands are balled into tight fists at his sides as your manager leads him and Ron out of the building, until Billy pauses, standing stark-still, watching with wide eyes from a distance as the cameras roll, filming you laid back on a king-sized bed positioned in the middle of a set that's meant to resemble a well-decorated bedroom.

His jaw clenches as he watches another man lay his body atop yours, easing his long cock inside of you and your eyes roll back, your lips parting as you let out a moan that makes even his own dick stir in his blue jeans, wishing to fucking God that were him right now.

You press your palms gently to the guy's shoulders, turning your head to the side, your eyes fluttering closed as he presses firm, gentle kisses along your soft skin, whispering something in your ear that Billy can't make out as he eases in and out of you—the microphone just out of the shot, but close enough to catch the sweet whispered nothings he says to you.

The fucking cameras aren't even filming your privates and yet he still gets to stick himself inside your cunt. Nothing around here, or in softcore in general, makes any fucking sense to him.

Why have sex if all the good shit is left out? If none of it is even shown on-screen? All your genre serves to do is tease, while his at least pleases.

Rich clears his throat and your eyes pop open, staring at Billy, him staring back at you while he adjusts himself, heading toward the door, while you cry out in ecstasy from behind him.

Once he and Ron are outside he turns back to him. "I don't give a shit what you have to do."

He points to the door they'd just exited the building through. "But I want that to fucking be me."

Ron crosses his arms. "Startin' to think this is less about makin' a movie and more about you gettin' to fuck that girl."

Billy shrugs, pulling a pack of cigarettes out of his front pocket, lighting one up. "Maybe I want both: have my cock being inside her immortalized on tape for all to fuckin' see."

"Lola?"

Shit.

Slowly, you turn around to who you're sure is an adoring fan—mentally preparing for them to start gushing about how much they love you right in the middle of the street, in front of the tropical drink stand you'd just finished purchasing a smoothie from.

And then you breathe a small sigh of relief. Very small.

"Billy."

"Sorry, Y/N, I should've said."

You take a sip of your drink. "Don't worry about it."

You step past him.

"Nice running into you," you lie, with a pleasant smile on your face.

He then reaches out, taking your hand in his, which you immediately yank out of his grip.

"Is there something that you need?"

His eyes trail along your body—your lacy little crop-top, the skirt tied together at one of your hips; advertising one of your long legs, your dainty sandals, and the heart-shaped shades that rest atop your nose—before he replies.

"I'm sorry, alright? For the way I acted that day. Just..." He needs to word this carefully if he's going to get a second chance. Fuck Ron and telling him that his previous one was his only. He doesn't know just how persuasive he can be.

He sighs. "Put yourself in my shoes. Ready to jump out of my skin I was so excited to work with you, only to be rejected almost immediately. It almost felt like you were looking for an excuse to say no. I get why—you don't do hardcore. But that's my life's work. It's the man I am. We came to discuss ideas, which never even happened."

You shift your weight from one foot to the other, considering. "Maybe you're right, that I was on the defense. I just...have my reasons—"

He interrupts. "Help me understand what you have against it: trying something new; working with me."

You slide your shades up, into your voluminous, teased hair, studying him for a moment. "Like I said before, initially my hesitancy had nothing to do with you. But when you lashed out... I don't work with men—with anyone—who behaves that way. I've done it before, and once I got myself out of that life, I promised I'd never do it again. I make no exceptions. Even if you are the 'king' of your respective 'ring' right now."

His brows furrow. Are you implying what he thinks you are?

He leans in toward you, heart hammering at the prospect of it. Peeling back a hidden layer he'd never known about. "Wait. Did...have you done hardcore porn before?"

You swallow thickly, taking another sip of your drink.

"Oh, sweetheart," you say, reaching up, tucking one of his curls behind his ear, and his heart skips a beat like a goddamn schoolboy. "The movies I made make yours look like child's play in comparison."

His eyes flit between yours. "I never—I thought... I've never seen—"

You lower your shades again. "They're not something you'll ever find in the adult section of Blockbuster. I wouldn't even know how to get ahold of a copy of one of them myself, even if I wanted to. But I don't, because I want nothing more than to keep the past where it belongs: behind me."

"What...were they... Are you trying to tell me you shot, what?"

You grow quiet for awhile. "Walk over to the beach with me?"

He nods, and the two of you cross the street during a brief break in traffic, seating yourselves atop a thick concrete wall that reaches up only to your waist.

You take your shades off, setting them beside you as you stare out at the blue ocean ahead.

"I'm telling you this for a number of reasons, but before I do," you turn to him, staring him down. "If you breathe a word of this to anyone, I'll deny it all. And then I will go to the tabloids, to the press, to whoever I must, and your career in porn will be over. Both I, Rich, and the production company have lawyers on retainer, and I will not stop until I've taken you for everything that you're worth. Do you understand me? I still have ties to some very nasty people in this industry who would love nothing more than for me to owe them a favor."

He nods, keeping silent, realizing just how well of an actor you truly are when you're on-screen and all sweet and submissive and gentle, as opposed to this. Domineering...

"When I started out filming...it was on handhelds in people's basements. Abandoned houses. Pay-by-the-hour motel rooms that probably should've been health-coded. I did it because I was desperate for money. Because, as a woman, using your body is always the one sure-fire way to earn a paycheck. So I took whatever they gave me."

You pause.

"In more way than one. Whether I wanted to or not. I just...got through it. I didn't say no. Because I didn't know that I could. Not that they listened when I tried."

A muscle in his jaw feathers.

"But without the way I started, I never would've gotten to where I am now. I gradually made connections, clawed my way to the top through literal blood, sweat, and tears. Among other things. But once I did—make it to where I wanted to be all along—I refused to ever settle for less than I deserve. Less than what I want.

"Every movie of mine has had me attached to it in more than just my starring in it. Not a single frame goes in that I don't personally approve. I want what I release to my fans to be something that I'm proud of. Something that stays faithful to my vision of what I want my career to have been known for when you, and those like you, run the rest of us out of the industry."

He scoffs. "You don't really believe we're chasing you out of town."

You look at him. "What're my films—that are more about art and beauty and love and intimacy—compared to a quick, brutal fuck? I make my movies for women to use me as a voyeur to live out their fantasies of men loving and desiring them—putting their needs and wants first, as opposed to their own. This industry is run and owned and pander to by and for straight men. I'm just...a dying breed. No one cares about story anymore. They just want to get right into the action of a woman being slapped around and having erections shoved into every orifice as quickly as possible."

You shake your head.

"And you see me as just another asshole who's contributing to it," he states.

You sip at your drink.

"I thought you said you'd never seen my material?" Billy asks.

You shrug. "I got curious after the meeting. I rented one, went home, and could only stomach a handful of minutes before I had to shut it off."

He doesn't bother asking which one. They're all the goddamn same.

Unlike yours, which are always unique in various ways. Creative, and maybe even sometimes beautiful.

The two of you are quiet for awhile, listening as waves break against the shore, as children run across warm sand, laughing and chasing each other, seagulls cawing overhead.

"So now you know. Know why I don't allow brutality or degradation in my films. Know what you're creating. I'm not...trying to shame you. Different strokes, I know. And I understand that. That sometimes even women like to get rough. There's nothing wrong with it, so long as everyone is consenting. I just can't...ever do that again."

"I'm sorry," he says quietly. "That you went through that. For my behavior. For...making you see me as being no different than them."

You finish off the last of your drink. "I appreciate your apology."

You look at him. "And I forgive you."

He takes the cup from you, chucking it into a trash can but a few feet away and you grin at the gesture.

"This mean I get a second chance? I know you're real famous for those."

You clasp your hands in your lap. "I worry that you're the type to get aggressive when you don't get your way. I mean, it took me telling you something incredibly personal just for you to—"

"For me to what? Understand you? I had no way to know. I just...saw that day as you insulting what I do, rejecting a generous offer, then walking away like it didn't mean anything more to you: making something unique and one-of-a-kind with me. You made me feel about an inch tall, while I practically fuckin' worship you."

"I didn't mean to come off that way. I get easily defensive at times. It'll sound completely backwards, but sometimes... I feel like in front of the camera is the only place I can let my walls down. Maybe it's because I get to become someone else for awhile. And I can pretend like that opening up is just me acting."

He turns to you. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to make something with you. Wanted just to meet you."

He pauses. "We did. Once before."

Your brows furrow. "Oh?"

He shrugs, looking down, the heels of his boots bouncing off the concrete wall. "Some party in the hills a few years ago. You already had made a name for yourself by then. I was scared shitless because I was just getting into the industry. Honestly, even then you were my favorite porn actress. It's just everything about you. The way you look, your body, the noises you make, the way you talk, and I know you don't show it, but even just hearing how wet you get—in almost every fucking movie—I just...just being near you took my breath away."

He crosses his arms. "So I went up to you—you were surrounded by others like you; famous, I mean—told you I was a huge fan and they started to laugh, made jokes, but you just smiled, gave me a kiss on the cheek and told it meant a lot, that I was sweet to say it. Those five seconds were the only time all night that I didn't want to crawl out of my skin. And I told myself I wouldn't stop until I saw you again, but on set one day, making something together."

You consider all he's said. Both today and during that meeting. One thing is for certain: he has a crush. He's all but said it—made it abundantly clear. "Can I ask you something?"

He looks at you, nodding.

"Is this offer about wanting to make something with me? Or wanting to have sex with me?"

He tucks a loose tendril behind your ear. "Is it so bad if I say both?"

being a softcore porn starlet—the starlet—came at a hefty price. but you vowed once you made it out of the underground: never again, and to that principle you've held true.

now your work appeals solely to the female gaze—making you one of few in the industry who refuses to make films that instead pander to the masses: to the male gaze. you'd, instead, envisioned dreamy, intimate, romantic productions, and once you had a seat at the literal and metaphorical table, you demanded to be listened to. had refused to be backed into a corner ever again, or to allow even one minute of film to ever be released that you hadn't had a hand in, or been proud of creating.

enter billy hargrove—current king of hardcore porn—and someone you've never had an interest in working with. the reverse cannot be said for him, however. so, he begins pressuring his manager to get him into a room with you to talk about making the biggest 'blockbuster' of both your careers.

things immediately get off to a rocky start as each of you butt heads over the nature of what your shared film should be, with one of you eventually walking away entirely from even the idea of the project, until truths are shared during a chance meeting, and chances are taken.

headcanons:

they do end up making a big movie together that is her dream film & he's just honored that he gets to be her leading co-star in it. gets to be a part of that with her.

it does technically end up having both soft & 'hardcore' elements. in that it does finally show penetration and oral, unlike her other works, but in a very tactful and gentle way.

[chiriwritesstuff]

The Girl in IT - IT Ticket: I fell.

A Boss! Joel Miller x IT Specialist F! Reader AU Byte-Sized Microfic

The LIST │ Read the main series here!

Chapter Rating: E (18+, MDNI)

Story Summary: Joel is usually careful when he takes care of his business. This is what happens when he's not.

Word Count: 590

A/N: Just a little drabble based on this post! - I had a good laugh thanks to @burntheedges and her comment regarding Pedro's sling, so thanks for the inspiration!

Joel tends to approach things with a great deal of care.

In his office, he waits with bated breath, fingers tapping rhythmically on his desk in anticipation. The cleaning crew casually comments, "Late night again, Mr. Miller?" as they pass his office door.

"Yep! Have a nice night!" he absentmindedly replies, nodding in their direction. Internally, he silently and impatiently waits for their departure, listening intently for the familiar ding of the elevator, signaling the coveted moment when the coast is finally clear.

DING!

"Finally," he mutters to himself, exhaling a sigh of relief as he sinks into his desk chair. After a long moment, he cautiously walks towards his office door, peeking his head out just to be sure. Satisfied, he slams the door shut, practically racing towards his laptop as he feverishly begins typing.

"Boss fucks secretary senseless" he types in the search bar, unbuckling his belt in excitement. 

As the explicit images from his search inquiry flood his screen, Joel scrolls through the results, dismissing the silicone-enhanced blondes and redheads that appear too sexy and not to his liking. He's on the hunt for a particular kind of flavor—a natural kind of body with curves for days.  

If they happen to wear glasses like you do, well, that's an added bonus, right?

Amongst what feels like hundreds of disappointing thumbnails, he finally spots, with disbelief, "Boss Fucks Secretary Who Helps Him with His Broken Computer." His eyes widen in shock, unable to believe his luck. "Damn it, Sugar," he groans, clicking on the video. His hands fiddle with the elastic of his boxers as he settles himself, his cock rock hard, his tip weeping and leaking with precome. He gently strokes up his shaft, his dick sensitive after being at half mast for most of the day. He swipes at his tip, stroking faster, his dick twitching in excitement. "Shit baby," he mumbles, "just like that-"

Just as he's getting comfortable, a soft knock echoes on his door.

"Mr. Miller? Are you there?" You call out, your voice filled with concern.

"Sugar?" Joel calls back, nearly zipping the skin off his cock as he frantically tries to make himself decent. "Just a moment!" he yells, stumbling on his jeans in the process, his body slamming onto the floor with a resounding thump.

"GODDAMMIT!" he screams, grabbing his elbow as he withers in pain.

"What the hell Joel?" You yell from behind the door, "Wait! I'm coming in!"

"No, I'm okay!" he shouts back, desperately wishing for some miracle that you'll decide to walk away, sparing him the embarrassment of being caught in a moment of absolute stupidity. "Please go," he mutters weakly, his eyes closed in embarrasment. 

He knows you, though. Knows that you're the type to always lend a helping hand, no matter how silly the request.  

As he hears the doorknob turn, his eyes dart to his computer screen, the video still playing. Mustering enough adrenaline he didn't know was possible to have, the shooting pain in his arm be dammed, he stumbles to his desk, slamming his laptop shut with a force so strong he swears he hears something resembling a crack. I'll just tell Tess I dropped it, he thinks, breathing a sigh of relief as you open the door, rushing to him in a hurry.

"Joel," you breathe, "What happened to you?"

He gives you a wry smile, unable to deny how adorable you look, fretting over him. My silly, silly little worry wart.

He shrugs. "I fell."

[romana-after-dark]

The Wrong Way Master List

Gif by @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog

Raider!Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Raider!Tommy Miller x Fem!Reader

Spotify Playlist

Inspiration came from @toxicanonymity and her fantastic Raider!Joel.

Summery: You are sold to Joel to clear up some of your fathers' debts, and he takes you back to his house where him, Tommy, and high ranking members of his raiding trope stay. Joel is mean, cruel, and hash, but had small moments of softness that confuse you in your venerable state. Over time, you get to know him and Tommy, and see different sides of each, an both are hiding secrets. Was it possible to fall in love under these circumstances? Or was that just another way Joel was fucking with you?

Aka: my mom sold me to One Direction

WARNINGS FOR FULL FIC, NOT CHAPTER BY CHAPTER UNLESS SOMETHING NEW IS ADDED AFTER MASTER WARNING LIST: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT!!!! Fic contains graphic depictions of sexual assault, rape, molestation, dubcon/non con. Blow Jobs, PIV sex, lose of virginity, sex trafficking, past incest, death/people dying everywhere, Stockholm syndrome, falling for your rapist, victim blaming, torcher, branding, physical abuse, rape (not Joel), somno, dub con on tommy? idk he's not really into it but feels like he has to, self-harm/depression/suicidal thoughts (not a lot) but fair warning, major age gaps, love triangle, pregnancy/birth, threats of abortion, major character death, mentions of potential csa/child abuse but does not even come close to happening, forced pregnancy, forced housewife shit, breeding, breeding kink?!?!

This is a reader fic, reader is early 20's, Joel is 40's at this point, reader is small enough that the men can lift her, but these are strong men. Reader is also refered to as little one, little girl ETC, but that's more in reference to her age/innocence than physical size.

Unknown chapters at this point but heres a starter

Chapter 1: Joel takes you away from everything you know

Chapter 2: Joel takes what he wants, Tommy tries to make things easier

Bonus Chapter: Tommy takes Little One's virginity

Chapter 3: Joel softens up, and readers learns her roll in all this

Chapter 4: Little One is getting cocky, and finds herself in trouble, but Tommy and Joel are there for her

Chapter 5: Joel and Tommy don’t feel good

Suggested drabble: Period sex

Chapter 6: Things change with Tommy, and Joel shows a more vunerable side during a near disaster.

Chapter 7: Little One and Lorenzo spend some time together, and Lorenzo drops a bomb on Little One.

sick bonus chapter

Chapter 8: For 6 months of Little One's pregnancy her relationship with Joel and Lorenzo shifts and changes.

Suggested Drabble: Brotherhood

Chapter 9: The aftermath.

Suggested Drabble: “It Wasn’t Always Like This”

Chapter 10: The escape does not go as planned.

Alternate ending: a happier end

Canon Sequel Mini Series, Ghost of You

Follow Ellie's life sifting through to lies to discover the truth of her creation.

Dark Ending Timeline: Going Under

Going Under: Chapter 1:

Going Under: Chapter 2:

Going Under: Chapter 2.5:

Going Under: Chapter 3

Going Under: June and Tommy

Going Under: Chapter 4

Going Under: Finale

Suggested drabbles to see how the uncles are doing after the canon ending: Lorenzo, Zach and Tommy, and Better Than Revenge

If neither ending satisfied you or if there was something you wanted to see but didn’t, if you wanna write something in universe will be happy to link it to my masterlist!

Art by @melodymakesart

Drabbles, One Shots, Thots

Period Sex: Period sex with Joel makes Little One more confused than ever at what she is to Joel

Well, That’s Alright Because I Like The Way It Hurts: Joel is gone for longer than expected and you worry about him. When he comes back, you let him take his frustration out on your body

Brotherhood: Tommy and Joel reflect on their relationship as brothers.

“It Wasn’t Always Like This”: In Tommy’s arms, Little One thinks over her year with Joel

Lorenzo, Zach and Tommy: Lorenzo is slowly recovering, meets his niece for the first time

Better than Revenge: Lorenzo and Tommy can’t get revenge on Joel, but they can get revenge on the one who started it all

Zach and Lorenzo’s Wedding

Gateaway Car by Taylor Swift, thoughts by @fandxmslxt69

Art by @k-ra

Joel and Lorenzo by @fen-is-unwell

If this sort of thing doesn't interest you or triggers you, hide dub con and non con from your tags as I will be tagging any fics like that as such

Main Blog (filled with more normal fics lol): @romanarose

This is absolutely not anything anyone needs to do bc ur lovely comments are enough but if anyone makes a book board, art, a fic or anything based off this series, you absolutely can! I know some creators aren’t for it but I love when people do that, and I’ve written a few fics for a few series myself. If you are so inclined and are okay with it, I’ll attach them to this master list (that includes if you don’t like my endings you can make your own 😂)

But as always, nice comments mean the world. I know with this sort of content you may not want to Reblog it on your page, but if you leave a comment or send an anon, that means the world and keeps me writing!

[fakegingerrights]

I have ✨ideas✨ so yall are getting a prompt list today. Fluff /angst mostly whump. Written with @renon4224 and @endo-bunny in mind for inspo but can be used for anyone:

TW: Starvation, emetophobia, torture, body horror, cannibalism, forced cannibalism, etc.

Whumpee who is used to being strong, being capable, reduced to a skeleton who can barely move due to starvation.

Whumper punishing a starved whumpee by forcing them to eat after days or weeks of next to nothing, their old favorite foods and laughing as they can’t keep it down.

Eating in front of a whumpee who hasn’t eaten in days

Punishing whumpee for being sick when they are allowed to eat because their stomachs can’t handle it.

Caretaker trying to get whumpee to eat and whumpee vomiting it back up, having seizures and heart failure and wildly swinging blood sugar that comes with refeeding syndrome.

Whumper making whumpee exercise, knowing they can’t complete the sets and adding more on for every failure/fainting spell/break they need.

^ building off of that, whumper makes whumpee do challenging or potentially dangerous workouts like bench presses and free bar squats and refuses to help when Whumpee is nearly crushed by the bar. Bonus points if it’s a weight they know they can handle/what would have been a warmup for them before.

Feeding! Tube! Placement!

Whumper getting tired of whumpee refusing food because it’s always poisoned/spoiled/out of sheer defiance and forcing the tube through their nose and securing it with a lock so they can’t pull it out. Bonus points if they keep giving them poisoned/spoiled food through the tube or otherwise putting things through it that aren’t meant to be.

Rescued whumpee in the hospital tearing the tube out every chance they get even though they can’t keep down solid food.

Caretakers having to learn how to place the tubes while Whumpee fights them the whole time.

Caretakers who don’t know how to react to skeletal whumpees. Do they insist they’re beautiful no matter what? Do they admit they find the concave stomach, the sharp ribs and the bloated knot of internal organs just above their hips grotesque?

S/O or FWB caretakers lying and saying they’re attracted to them no matter what but refusing intimacy ‘until they’ve recovered’ because they’re repulsed at the idea of sex with someone so jarringly fragile, so broken and unrecognizable as human.

Whumpees who were previously insecure about their weight not wanting to gain anything back because of that fear despite hating how they currently look as a starved wisp of a person.

Previously chubby whumpees who lose weight down to skeletons and have a bunch of loose skin.

Whumpers who take sick pleasure in cutting off, piercing with needles or even jewelry, pinching and stretching, or suspending whumpees by the loose skin.

Whumpers who want to starve whumpees unsatisfied by how slow they’re losing mass, wrapping chickenwire or another mesh tightly around whumpee and shaving whatever flesh pushes out against the metal off with a knife or razor.

Whumpees who are used as a meat source for a cannibal/inhuman whumper who cuts off bits at a time to eat while whumpee is still alive.

Whumpers who try to feed whumpee either mutilated pieces of other whumpees or even pieces that have been cut off of themselves.

Sorry for how heavy some of these are but they’ve been in my head for a while, had to scream into the void. Slightly fluffier shit:

Needing new wardrobes to fit them constantly as their weight seesaws in recovery. Caretaker trying to make it fun like a fashion show every time.

S/O!caretakers who insist that their love for whumpee hasn’t changed, that they don’t blame them for struggling to gain weight or losing it in the first place.

Caretakers trying their best to make as painless as possible, giving whumpee water to help them place the tube and stroking their hair the entire time whenever they have to change it. “It’s ok. Shhh, it’s in. Take a minute to breathe, there you go. It’s ok.”

Whumpees who have permanent damage from their experiences needing a tube for the rest of their life, either one in the nose or directly into what’s left of their stomach/intestines. Trying to make the best of it, picking out fun stickers to hold it in place and learning to manage it on their own.

Blankets and oversized sweaters for warmth, all the cuddles as caretaker praises them for what little solid food they’ve eaten that day.

Kisses along the boney edges of ribs, along the knuckles of cold, thin hands, on too sharp collarbones and down the bumps of the spine. Soft reassurances that they’ll soften with time, that the regained weight is a good thing.

Whumpees retiring after the torment they went through and gaining back more than they lost in a healthy layer of fat. Bonus points if they were alway on the cut defined muscular side before from being a living weapon to carewhumpers/sleezy superiors.

Intimacy for the first time afterwards, full of gentle kisses and unrushed tenderness. Maybe whumpee requests the lights off so their S/O doesn’t have to see them this way or with clothes on.

S/O telling them that they’re still themselves and that will never not be beautiful to them.

Little celebrations every time that number on the scale tips upwards.

(If you made it all the way to the end of this monster post congratulations. Have a sticker. Feel free to send me one of these with a character and I’ll see about writing it. Naruto is my current hyperfixation so those might get done quicker FYI.)

[bullet-prooflove]

The choice is so plentiful, it's always hard to pick, but I think I found a good prompt for Sonny Quinn from your Thursday 'Bring the Noise' Prompt List: 24. "She's mean and she's mine" 🤭 Also the song I think fits him is "Angel loves the devil out of me" by Jace Everett. I'm curious if you agree!

Also: Thanks for sharing your writing! 🩷 I really appreciate it!

I love that song for him! I've added it to my Sonny playlist!

The first argument you and Sonny have is about the shotgun you keep loaded under the bar. He finds it when he’s trying to fix one of the taps because it’s gone a little hinky.

It’s a Winchester, one of the older models. The serial number scratched off.

There is no way this thing is legal and that presents a problem for Sonny, a big one. If it comes out that he’s around an illegal weapon then he faces a court martial and the possibility of being kicked off Bravo. You, though, you face jail time.

“You have to get rid of it.” He tells you when you come back up from the basement after taking inventory.

“No fucking way.” You tell him, gesturing towards the gun. “Sometimes that’s the only thing between me and a bad Thursday night.”

It takes him a minute to realise what that means. He forgets that when he’s away there’s nights that you’re here alone. You have a couple of veterans that you hire for the busier periods but sometimes it’s just you and you’re a dainty fucking thing.

“We need to get rid of this…” He begins again but you cut him off.

“And I said no.” You snap at him. “You don’t get to come in here and tell me…”

He sighs because he knows what you’re like when you’re in this mood. Your tired because it’s been a rough couple of days, pissed off because he’s deploying in twelve hours and it’s fucked up a trip the two of you have had planned. He decides to ask for forgiveness instead of permission. He picks up the shotgun and walks out to the sound of you cursing up a storm behind him.

You don’t speak to him after that and he doesn’t blame you. It usually takes you a good few days to calm down when he fucks up. He tends to give you a little space but he doesn’t have the luxury of that kind of time because he’s shipping out so he breaks the stalemate between you with a text from the plane.

“Don’t be mad baby.” It reads. “I’ve left you something under the bar.”

He’s almost three thousand miles away by the time you pick up that text. He sees the three little dots before the picture comes in. It’s a brand new Winchester with a red gift bow resting on the barrel. The paperwork is tucked in an envelope underneath it. You’re fully legal now, if you have to protect yourself you won’t face any recriminations for having an illegal fire arm on the premises. On top of that he’s also recommended the place to a few buddies of his, they’ve promised to make it their new watering hole while he’s away.

“I’d never leave my girl without a way of protecting herself.” He responds from his hammock. They’re all bedding down for the night so that they’ll be fresh and operational by the time the plane lands.

You send him another picture, this time something a little more risqué and he clears his throat so stifle the moan that threatens to leave his throat.

“You enjoy torturing me don’t you sweet thang? Knowing I’m on a plane full of other guys, that I can’t touch myself when you’re sending me shit like this.”

You send another picture and his jaw clenches as his hard cock rubs across the zipper of his cargo pants.

This, he thinks as he studies the image of you in nothing but a pair of black panties with the Winchester in your hands. This is the sweetest revenge.

Love Sonny? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

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Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

@totalstitchlover19 @switchbladeclub @kind-wolf @@mariashane @floydsglasses @firecountryqueen666 @caffeinatedwoman kmc1989 sca3a jeysbae hufflepuffgirl hgs-11 meera10 f1babe98

[nicomoon69]

so in my spider! Bernard AU I’m slightly changing up his character so here’s basics on Bernard:

- Bernard is still into cooking and it started years back purely because he didn’t trust the food industry. that meant he spent ages learning how to cook and figuring out how to make a lot of popular food items. he has a little list of companies he trusts and doesn’t. he doesn’t want to open a restaurant anymore/become a chef, more so being interested in keeping himself and others healthy

- Bernard knows a freaky amount of things he probably shouldn’t but masks knowing said knowledge with his conspiracy theories (he only believes in like half of them) so to most people he’s just a crazy guy saying crazy things. he still ends up being on a few watchlists so he tries to throw those off by also being a conspiracist online (he also truly enjoys it, but that’s an added bonus)

- Bernard’s actually really smart but due to above as well as a lack of giving a shit about school material (he prefers scientific what ifs and weapon/super hero/vigilante stuff) so he ended up not being able to get into the courses he would’ve preferred due to his mostly average grades. it’s why he’s now double majoring in physics and biology in hopes of getting to do a masters in something closer to that (also a bit of pressure from his parents)

- Bernard has had suit designs for himself and other vigilantes just lying around (which is also how he got a pretty functional suit in a pretty short amount of time). it was mostly a hobby where he’d think about what if scenarios

- Bernard when possible does everything on paper, since he doesn’t trust the government and other big corporations. it’s why his empty apartment has stacks of paper laying around (all neatly categorized and sealed, but it looks like a mess to anyone else)

- kinda in the same vein as the last one but Bernard has most of his money in cash, only having what is absolutely necessary on his bank account. he also claims it saves him money since he can’t just freely spend money with a tap of his card (it’s kind of true since when he had to spend money for his suit he actually had most of it lying around)

- Bernard had a short phase in high school that had him convinced he needed to learn russian so he can now speak a bit of russian, but most importantly he can do the accent really well. it’s what he used as spiderman to throw people off of his identity (it gives Tim a genuine headache)

- Bernard works a part time job at a restaurant as an assistant chef (he needs to buy groceries and pay rent after all). it’s a little italian diner a few blocks from his apartment. he always get leftovers and food that’s about to spoil to reduce their waste

I don’t know if I missed anything important, but this is basically going to be my characterization on him! if you have any suggestions or can point to canon that directly conflicts with these ideas pls lmk! I’m always up to revise my stuff :)

[inklore]

—🍊. 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐒 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐀𝐔'𝐒 𝐎𝐔𝐓

this is not a writing challenge, this is just a list of summer au's that have been collecting dust in my google docs that i'm both sick of looking at, and also feel like for those who also really enjoy writing summery fics, could always use more inspiration or ideas for au's or scenario's (even if it's just smutty or fluffy blurbs).

please make note that anyone can use these for any fandom or character. it's literally for everyone, for whatever ship, gender, or verse. no one owns au's and everyone makes them their own and writes differently. so please do with the content below as you wish!!

you don't gotta tag me if you use one but would i love to read your beautiful work? hell yeah so feel free to if ya feel like it.

i separated each into categories + some might have added context or prompts because i have zero self control and like to be extra and add ideas onto things lmao.

hopefully someone finds these fun and helpful, happy writing my loves <3

LOCATION.

beach

ocean

ice cream parlor

lake town

ranch

summer camp

summer school

island

boat

fishing town

resort

the woods

national park

public pool

destination wedding

renaissance fair

lake house

bar

theme park

capecod

italy

winery / vinyards

country club

cruise ship

concert

RELATIONSHIP BASED.

brothers best friend ('unfortunately' spending the summer with your family)

neighbors au

exes back for the summer

bodyguard au (character a has to follow around reader whose some princess/rich girl on a vacation, bonus points if she's supposed to be on lockdown but refuses to stay at the hotel, even more bonus points if her parents sent her on this vacation as a rehabilitation for her bad habits)

best friends dad (you're spending the summer with your bestie and god her dads hot as hell)

mermaid x human

frat boy x good girl (last minute studying together before summer break, or maybe the frat is throwing a big grad party and reader decides to let loose for the first time in forever)

frat boy x sorority girl (it's giving rich hoes who can't stand each other who get caught doing something and have to do community service with each other alllll summerrrrr long, can you think of anything worse?!)

sitcom stars (they're both on some summer love show but fall for each other instead, or you're two celebs supposed to be fake dating on some mtv drama show in palm springs but you actually fall for each other)

park ranger x someone who thought going camping alone would be fun but oh shit i know nothing about the wilderness au

ex-best friends ex (a summer love but put revenge and 'we're only fucking because this friend screwed me over and it'll really show them' au anyone??)

lifeguard x parent au (or you saved my life let me repay you wink wink)

dads best friend

house sitter x house owner (or neighbor, or family member who came home early and wtf are you doing here and who are you?? or even the old i asked the neighbor to watch our house but also my wife wink wink)

babysitter who tags along on vacation with the family au

fake dating (for the summer)

friends to lovers was made for summer au's!!!

superhero x vigilante (nightly meet ups to keep the streets safe)

friends with benefits but only for the summer au

painter x muse

body found on beach x person who found them (+ the added bonus of the two of them working together to figure out wtf happened and how they got there)

sugar baby x sugar whathaveyou (free vacation? hell yeah)

roommates (renting a room for summer what could go wrong)

tour guide / local x tourist

camp counselor x parent of camper

friend group on a drama filled vacay au

the only single people at this resort for couples au

sad housewife x pool boy

DARK THEMED.

cult au

slasher au

hitchhiking gone wrong (or right)

monster au (summer is the perfect time to go exploring for the monster in the woods or the lake, ocean even, obviously)

haunted house au

ghost hunting au

hunter x prey (bonus points if they don't know they're being hunted until it's too late)

safe house au (gone wrong)

kidnapping au (it's giving 365 days but less shitty ok)

stranded au (on an island, in a creepy town, etc)

bestie's trip gone wrong au (the innocent looking guys at the pool who are gorgeous are actually super shitty and deadly omg, or the couple in the hotel room next to us are insane wow, or someone is killing us off...but it's someone within the friend group)

stuck in an abandoned amusement park au

INSPIRED BY.

grease au

dirty dancing au

x au (70s-80s pornstars au + added slasher element if ya wanna make it dark)

daisy jones & the six / rocker au (summer tour anyone?)

the white lotus (cheating au?? a couple hoping a vacation will fix their marriage, maybe even the whole shitty husband leaves you there and you fall for one of the resort workers)

50 first dates au (but make it 'i bet i can make you fall in love with me by the end of summer)

jurassic park au

i know what you did last summer au

friday the 13th au

the final girls au (aka you end up in your favorite movie and have to find your way out with a side of 'oh shit there's my fav character what if i stayed and made them fall in love with me instead', or go full final girls au and you're stuck in a cult horror movie and have to survive the night to get out of it)

outer banks / goonies au

schitt's creek au

romeo and juliet (1996) au

mama mia au (the prequeal tho aka boning a bunch of people and omg i'm pregnant who is the baby daddy tho??)

overboard au

OCCUPATIONS.

naturalist

farmers market vender

dog walker / dog sitter

dive bar singer

surfer

swim instructor

vet

journalist

camp counselor

author

cowboy

undercover pi

contractor

car wash attendant

lifeguard

gardener / landscaper

summer intern

tour guide

tutor

nanny

theme park owner

bartender

house sitter

summer farmhand

golf course caddy

sign-holder

movie theatre worker

uber driver

wedding photographer

hotel receptionist

RANDOM.

heatwave (how ever will we stay cool?)

shipwreck / stranded on an island au

rainstorm / hurricane au (stuck inside oh no what will we do??)

love triangle that shit

matchmaking au

love letters in a bottle au

drunken karaoke

kissing in the rain is top tier

workaholic letting loose au

(illegal) car racing au

road trip au

[harringroveobsessed]

@robthegoodfellow @feedthefandomfest

All done! Thank you for this challenge, although I never need an excuse to binge Harringrove I’ve had a grand old time 🩷

Billy and max - these streets will make you feel brand new by whenyouwishuponastar @whenyouwishuponastar7

Another one of my favourites. Sneaky successful Billy and a flustered Steve trying (and failing) not to fall head over heels in love with the hot guy on the subway. Lots of Robin and Steve fun too. It’s so gooood, I’ve read it too many times to count and adore it every time!

Fix it - Billy Hargrove Is Not Dead melanie_bxx @harringroveera

Another of my favourites. I used to sit every Tuesday staring at my phone waiting for my email with a new chapter. Billy gets his man and a family all in one go. So much lighthearted fun and good vibes in this fic, it always puts a smile on my face. My ultimate fix it Billy fic of all time.

Soft Billy - spinning out (waiting for you) by unlikely_alliance

It’s season 4 with bonus added BILLY so naturally it’s amazing. Little found family action with Billy and the Byers/El which is sweet. Soft boys falling in love while vecna tries to kill everyone and end the world. It has everything you would want to read.

Gay Billy - .｡❅*⋆⍋* Warm Nights at Frosty Heights *⍋⋆*❅｡. By BouncyPickle

Harringrove antics at a fancy fucking 80’s ski lodge. Come on now that’s just fucking amazing. 9 chapters of Steve absolutely wooing Billy with everything he’s got. I smile whenever I even think about this one. It’s just super fun and lighthearted and COSY and makes me feel like Christmas came early.

Billy redemption- Something Like a Family by HashtagLEH

I’m forever obsessed with this one, season 2/3 with much, much more Billy. Like he’s there from the start. Billy & El are besties. Max and Billy fix their shit. Harringrove sweet sweet slow burn. It’s basically how the series would have gone if Harringrove fans could have had their way. Amazing.

Hurt Billy -What If You Loved Me by firstiwasliketheniwaslike

This fic broke my heart several times but it’s already on my reread list. Happy ending though obviously do not fear it just takes a long while to get there. Lots of good honest hurt Billy in this one. There is just so much story spanning over so much time I can’t even summarise anything. You just gotta read it to appreciate it!

Top Billy - California dreaming by writer_in_theory @writer-in-theory

6 years after Billy’s ‘death’ guess who finds him working in a tattoo shop (!)… Steve obviously. I love this one, anything with past lovers coming back to each other has me on board and this fic stole my heart. It’s just lovely and the boys get their happy ending on the beach. I couldn’t ask for more from this fic it’s perfect.

[sp-by-april]

how about a cheater stan x reader. How about he's dating Wendy and is fucking her younger sister while they wait for her to get back from cheer practice. Bonus points if they do it in her bed

Yes, yes, yes!! I added a little extra spice (Reader is a virgin!!)

Stan x F!Reader

[Submit a prompt for tonight's smut-a-thon!] [Stan Marsh Master List]

I always had a crush on Stan. When he started dating my older sister Wendy, I was devastated.

Fine, I admit that I had a real chip on my shoulder when it came to my family. I was adopted and no one ever let me forget. Except for Stan. He never gave a shit.

I came home after cheer practice and found Stan in Wendy’s bedroom, digging through her stuff.

I cautiously walked into the room, “...Can I help you?”

“Sorry” He sighed, “Wendy gave me her house key. She left some lucky pencil or something, she has this exam tomorrow –“

I smirked, “I bet she’s really freaking out,”

“Yeah she is,” Stan chuckled, “You know how it goes,”

“Unfortunately,”

“How have you been, kid?” He asked with a smirk of his own.

I pouted, “I fucking hate it when you call me that,”

“I know,” He put his hand on my shoulder, “That’s why I do it,”

I looked up at him and I couldn’t help it. I always wanted him and now his hand was on me.

I kissed him. His hand slid down my arm and settled on my waist.

He quickly pulled away.

“Kid – I – We shouldn’t,” Stan protested, “Even if Wendy wasn’t – You’re in high school, I'm in college! You’re way too young,”

I pulled my cheer briefs down and stepped out of them. I tossed them on the ground and sat on the edge of Wendy’s bed. I opened my knees to give him a good view and looked up at him.

“You really don’t want me? Am I that awful?”

“No,” He stepped in front of me, “...I am,”

He leaned over me, slid his palms over my cheeks and kissed me deeply. I pushed my tongue into his mouth and the next thing I knew, he was on top of me.

I reached between us to unbutton and unzip his pants. I pulled them down his thighs and as his cock was unveiled, I was mesmerized.

Stan had a picture-perfect dick. It was immaculate. I couldn’t believe my sister had such a prize. If I wasn’t soaking wet before, I would’ve been as soon as he sprang out. He was sticky and wet with so much precum, I knew he really did want me.

He rubbed the tip along my anticipating slit and groaned, “You’re so fucking wet,”

For some reason, Stan knowing how badly I wanted him embarrassed me a little.

“I really want you,” I said softly.

Stan kissed my neck as he pushed inside of me. He stopped quickly and pulled back to look at me.

“Are you–? I feel– Resistance,” He asked.

I nodded, “I want you to be the one…”

He scanned my face and I held my breath.

His mouth locked onto mine and he thrust hard, pushing through my virginity and burying himself completely inside of me.

I gasped into his mouth as he made his way into my body.

Stan started shifting his hips into me and I felt a pleasure that I’d never felt before.

I held onto his shoulders and my nails dug in as he broke our kiss. He started to move harder and faster. He looked so fucking enthralled with me, it turned me on even more.

I wrapped my legs over his and caged him in, he felt so good, I never wanted to stop. By sound of his moans, he felt the same way. God, I love the sounds of his moaning, his body beating against mine, even my own moans and whimpers sounded sexy as hell.

Suddenly I was overwhelmed by the pleasure he was driving into me. Every single muscle in my body tensed and seized up. My back arched and my toes even curled. It was like a wave of bliss that swelled, crested and washed me away. My legs pulled him in deeper just was the warm, silky walls in my core enclosed around him, tightening around that perfect cock like a vise. I gripped him like he was really mine.

Stan’s eyes rolled back as hips bucked abruptly and he thrust deep inside of me. A loud, shuddering moan poured out of his mouth and I could feel his pulsing manhood as it erupted and filled me up with hot, sticky jets of pleasure.

Stan pulled back and he looked worried, scared almost, “Please tell me you’re on birth control?”

I sighed, “I was a virgin, why would I be on birth control?”

He grit his teeth, “...Shit,”

[pluckyredhead]

So they handed the ultimate Jason AU to your arch enemy JM Dematteis. Thoughts?

DeMatteis isn't my arch enemy! JLI is one of my favorite comics of all time. Admittedly I haven't loved anything I've read that he's done solo, but I wouldn't put him anywhere near the enemies list when there are so many other writers out there who deserve the spots more.

That said, he's certainly not a writer I expect to do anything particularly interesting with Robin Lives. I fully expect it to play out with the usual message of "Jason's death was his own fault," with a bonus message of "some kind of tragedy was always inevitable due to his personality flaws (teenage, poor)." The first issue added insult to injury by spending practically no time on Jason, because DeMatteis, like almost every other writer, seems to think both Joker and Bruce are more interesting. (Why is Joker even still in this story?)

To be fair, I think it would be a hard story for any writer! Because at least if you're writing about Jason's inevitable tragic fall, that lets you fill up six issues of story. If you instead decide to write "Jason recovers mentally and physically and continues to be Robin" or even "Jason decides crimefighting is not for him and gets to work on his college applications," that's potentially a good story for AO3, but it doesn't really fill up six issues of punching, which is what DC wants to publish. (And they're not wrong for wanting to publish that! They publish action stories about superheroes, it's literally their whole mandate.) I'm not saying those are the only three directions the story could go in, but they're the major ones, and they all come with difficulties. I'm not sure what writer I would trust with it. Kelly Thompson, maybe? I'd at least look at Chip Zdarsky's pitch but would probably have some edits.

So yeah, I don't expect to love how this comic turns out, but I'm also not planning to put DeMatteis on my shit list for it, because I just kind of never expected much from it in the first place? SHRUG.

(I have larger thoughts about how DC has kind of written themselves into a hole with Jason and now he's stuck in this limbo that's unsatisfying to everyone which is why so many Jason fans are mad all the time, but that's for another ask.)

(I ALSO have thoughts about last year's Robin Lives! one-shot, and by thoughts I mean a deeply skeptical conspiracy theory that there was ever any real possibility Jason would live back in 1988, but that's also for another ask.)

[use-your-telescope]

When Everything's Made to be Broken - Chapter 16: We Don't Know What We're Doing

Summary: Amidst the day to day, Theo and Loki continue to learn new things about each other, including some interesting details about how they view relationships.

Author’s Note: First, I am so sorry this is so late!! I had planned to post on the 28th, but I ended up having some (good) things come up that took up my weekend and meant I didn’t have time to get this to a point I felt was ready to post. I foolishly thought I could have it ready by Tuesday, then by Friday, then Sunday, then accepted my fate and admitted I just wouldn’t have time until this weekend to get this chapter wrapped up and posted (shoutout to a work trip last weekend for making this take an extra week!) I shared a note about the delay on tumblr, but figured I’d share it here so I’m covering my bases.

That being said, spring is a crazy time for me work-wise, plus I’m finishing my second master’s degree this semester (after a two year hiatus!), so this will probably not be the only time things get a bit delayed. I’m pretty sure I will have the next chapter ready for next Sunday (the 24th), but the week after that has some work stuff going on, which means the following chapter would be posted on March 9th. Anyways, thanks for your patience, and hope you enjoy <3 reblogs are always appreciated, and lmk if you want to be added to tag list!

Word Count: 6,789

Song: Amateur Lovers - Switchfoot (Bonus Song: Passing Through A Screen Door - The Wonder Years)

Everyone I know Needs love like drugs Like a common cold We could never shrug My baby and me We're missing the same stuff We've all got a disease Deficiency of love Every day we still try Every night we still cry Driving home on the 805

Months after Theo first promised Loki that she would hang out with the other Avengers, she could not deny the truth: Loki, the little shit, was right.

Unintentionally agreeing to “family night” opened the floodgates of invitations to hang out, and other than the period of time where everyone’s moods plummeted from the string of unpleasant anniversaries, Theo found herself becoming more and more fond of the colorful collection of superheroes that she lived with, and it seemed like they accepted her with open arms.

Even worse, Loki was right and he knew it.

Every time Theo caught him watching as Wanda braided her hair or Yelena talked her into trying (and absolutely sucking at) Call of Duty, Loki cocked an eyebrow and shot Theo the most smug, self-satisfied smirk. When he wandered into the lab and stumbled upon Theo and Helen working on new medical technology with Bruce and Shuri, a downright devious glint flashed in his jade eyes, and his jaw flexed as if he bit back some snarky comment about Theo’s voluntary presence. When they went out as a team and it came to light that Natasha had done Theo’s makeup, Loki bit his lower lip to stifle a snicker. 

On that night, Theo had just finished up working in the emergency department; after showering and changing into an old set of Duke sweatpants and a shirt she stole from Chris the last time she stayed at his apartment, Theo made her way out to the living room with a book in hand.

The sight that greeted her was one she often found at the end of the day: Sam, Bucky, Yelena, Natasha, and Steve sprawled out on some of the more comfortable seating options, clad in sweatpants and worn t-shirts after what was likely a long day of training and briefings. A video game that Theo vaguely recognized, but not enough to identify, broadcast itself from the television screen, displaying a mix of desolate space-esque scenarios and scifi combat. 

Sam sat on the edge of the couch cushions, leaned in towards the television screen with a video game controller clutched in both hands, focusing so intently on the screen that he stuck a bit of his tongue out as he mashed buttons on the controller. 

On another couch sat Yelena and Natasha, with Bucky sandwiched between the two widows. Yelena and Bucky alternated between shoving fistfuls of popcorn into their mouths and shouting at the television as an explosion flashed on the screen, while Natasha sat with her legs curled up under her, sipping a glass of merlot as she occasionally teased Sam about dying in the game.

“Theo, hey,” Steve waved from the other side of the living room, where he stretched across on the couch with sock-covered feet propped up on the coffee table. 

“Hey,” Theo waved as she took her usual seat, curling into the corner of the couch. “So, which game is this?”

“Halo–” Yelena replied between mouthfuls of popcorn, “— Genetically enhanced super soldiers fighting aliens.”

“I thought the point of playing video games was to take a break from reality…” Theo glanced around the room. “How is ‘genetically enhanced super soldiers fighting aliens’ any different from what we already do?” 

“It’s fictional.” Yelena shrugged, despite the knowing grin she wore.

“Hey, bird brain, don’t you have something to ask Theo?” Bucky threw a piece of popcorn at Sam, bouncing a fluffy kernel off Sam’s head; Sam scowled, but kept his eyes on the screen.

“Ask me what?” Theo glanced between the others expectantly, her pulse quickening ever so slightly. 

They must have been talking about her… But why? 

“Fuck! I was so close!” Sam groaned as a message flashed across the television screen stating his team lost. He tossed the controller at Bucky, who effortlessly caught it in his non-vibranium hand. “You try.”

“Is anyone going to tell me what I’m supposed to be asked about?” Theo repeated, her chest tightening as she tried to guess what they wanted. She couldn’t think of anything that she did recently to raise any suspicions, and the way Bucky brought it up made it sound like it wasn’t anything serious…

“Dammit Buck, I was gonna ask her when it was just the two of us.” Sam glared at Bucky, who was too busy setting up the next round of whatever shooting game they had decided on for that night.

“Okay, now I’m just getting nervous.” Theo tried to laugh it off, but it didn’t do much to cover up her ballooning nerves.

“Nah, don’t be - I just need advice… ” Sam rubbed his face with both hands, conveniently hiding any clues Theo might have gathered from his expression. “... Dating advice.”

“Dating advice?” Theo’s brows shot skyward as she echoed Sam’s message back to him. 

“Yeah. There’s a hot doc that you work with, and I want to see if she’s interested.”

Well, that certainly changed things.

Theo struggled to keep her cool, cheeks and jaw tensing to prevent a grin from curling up her lips... 

.. What were the odds that Sam shared Julie’s crush?

“Thing is, the only way I ever run into her is when I need to get patched up —“ Sam continued, “— not exactly great for getting to know each other...”

“… So you want my help getting close to her?” Theo ventured, her mind running wild with possibilities. “Who is it?!”

“Oh hell no, I’m not telling!” Sam laughed sheepishly, “Not until I know if she’s interested too!”

“How can I help if I don’t know who it is?” Theo pointed out, “it’s not like all doctors are the same! What works for Julie won’t work for Helen!” 

If Theo didn’t know any better, she swore she saw Sam’s cheeks flush at Julie’s name; then again, that might have been in her head.

“Watch him when he’s in the ER,” Bucky commented, not missing a beat even as all of his attention seemed focused on the video game. “You'll know in two seconds.”

“As much as I don’t want you to need to go to the ER, now I’m curious - maybe we can beat you up a bit during training so you need to pay a visit.” Theo teased, smirking at Sam. Yelena laughed, offering to beat him up, while Natasha and Steve exchanged knowing glances.

“Not you too–” Sam groaned, before pointing at Yelena and Bucky. “ – that’s the same thing these assholes recommended!” 

“Because it’s good advice!” Yelena huffed, crossing her arms. “You want to see her? That’s how!” 

“Oh come on, you really think that’s my advice?! I’m not that terrible,” Theo scoffed, feigning offense. “My first piece of advice would be to talk to her and see what she likes outside of work, then figure out a way to ask her to hang out and do something she enjoys. But unless you tell me who it is, you’re going to need to work up the courage to stop by the ED specifically to talk to her, or you’ll have to wait until you actually have a reason to get patched up.”

Sam let out a sharp breath, shoulders slumping as he narrowed his eyes at Theo. “And if I tell you?”

“Maybe I can help — invite them over when we do a movie night or something,” Theo offered, this time not bothering to hide her smile. After all, Theo was not above a quid pro quo - she gets to satisfy her curiosity, and Sam gets a chance to talk to whoever he’s crushing on. Win-win, really.

Sam narrowed his eyes at Theo. “… Let me think about it.” 

Theo stood up and stretched her arms overhead; since it seemed like Sam had put an end to the conversation, it was as good of a moment as any to step away for a moment and get herself some water. As she sauntered towards the kitchen, she called over her shoulder: “Your choice, but it doesn’t have to be hard!”

Conversation continued among the others as Theo entered the kitchen, voices laughing and chattering over each other so Theo couldn’t make out what anyone said. 

Theo moved on autopilot as she found a glass and added some ice from the freezer, mind spinning as she tried to recall any details from past interactions that would help her figure out which of her colleagues caught Sam’s eye. Even as she moved to the sink to fill her glass, her thoughts remained so occupied with the new mystery that she barely paid her surroundings any mind.

“You feared the Avengers would never trust you, yet Wilson trusts you enough to seek your guidance in matters of the heart; I dare say that your concerns were unfounded.” A low voice spoke from just behind Theo — a smooth baritone that she recognized anywhere, even if it startled her so badly that she dropped her glass and nearly jumped through the ceiling from shock.

A flash of emerald shot forth. Loki caught the glass just before it clattered into the sink, all the while failing to stifle his laughter at the string of curses that fell from Theo’s mouth.

“Can’t you just say hi like a normal person?!” Theo pressed one hand to her heart in a feeble attempt to settle her racing heart, all the while glaring at Loki.

“When such amusement is a possibility? Absolutely not.” Loki grinned, offering Theo her water glass. She snatched it from him, taking a quick drink of water before turning back to the sink and topping it off.

For a moment, Theo considered finding some way to fuck with Loki so he couldn’t gloat so much, but after Loki had a difficult month (between the shitty anniversaries and Thor nearly dying, calling it difficult was probably an understatement), Loki needed the chance to loosen up and laugh. Besides, he was the first friend Theo made when she moved into the tower, and even if she wouldn’t admit it outright, Theo was grateful that Loki had been right. 

So, she simply rolled her eyes and smiled. 

“You’ve not responded to my original comment,” Loki pointed out, smug satisfaction dancing in his tone.

“Sam’s interested in one of my colleagues,” Theo attempted to brush off Loki’s observation, her cheeks burning as they undoubtedly flushed.

“I heard…” Loki leaned back against the kitchen counter, a lazy smile dangling on his lips as he looked at Theo. “Still, he trusts you.”

“Not enough to tell me who it is,” Theo grumbled,  setting her water glass on the marble counter as she pretended to pout so she could cross her arms. “How long were you lurking there?”

“Long enough,” Loki simply shrugged, eyes twinkling from the reflection of the kitchen lights as he looked at Theo. “The exchange reminded me - are you still courting your gentleman caller?” 

Theo couldn’t stifle the snort of laughter that escaped from Loki’s unironic use of the term “gentleman caller;” she slapped both hands over her mouth, entire face now aflame with embarrassment from the ridiculous sound.

Loki tilted his head at Theo’s reaction, brows furrowed in a silent question. 

“Am I supposed to ignore the fact that you just used the term gentleman caller?” Theo finally managed, still chuckling as she repeated the term.

“Is there another term I ought to use?” Despite the neutral tone of Loki’s reply, his cheeks took on a faint shade of pink that stood out against his porcelain skin. “Or am I to presume you are no longer courting him?”

“I’m still seeing him, but I don’t think that ‘gentleman callers’ exist in modern day dating,” Theo couldn’t wipe the smile off her face from hearing the term in daily conversation. “Feminism and all that.”

“Ah, yes, forgive me.” The flush on Loki’s cheeks grew more noticeable. “Nonetheless, you are still courting him?”

“Yeah,” Theo nodded. “Why?”

“You’ve not spoken of him in quite some time.” Loki shrugged; the gesture looked like an attempt to be nonchalant, which matched his tone, but something about the movement seemed a bit… forced.

“You were busy supporting Thor, and I was busy supporting you, so it didn’t seem like the thing to discuss at the time.” Theo offered a sheepish smile as she explained her reasoning. “Besides, it’s nothing serious.”

In response, Loki leaned away ever-so-slightly, narrowing his eyes with a slight frown as he studied Theo.

“What?” Theo tensed as heart quickened in her chest, confused by Loki’s reaction.

“Midgardians often speak of love at first sight; after quite some time, your feelings for the actor seem ambivalent at best, yet you continue to court him,” Loki remarked slowly, continuing to look at her with a perplexed expression. “It’s rather odd.”

Odd - with a silent sigh of relief, Theo relaxed, her shoulders dropping ever so slightly. 

“I don’t believe in love at first sight – that’s lust,” Theo winked, shaking her head. “We’re just having fun and enjoying each other’s company, that’s all.”

“I see,” with a nod, Loki hummed to himself. “Do you foresee the relationship turning into something greater?”

“I don’t know,” Theo shrugged. “Never gave it much thought, if I’m honest.”

As she answered the question, a thought occurred to her: Loki asked about her dating life, but Theo never asked about his… 

“Speaking of dating, did I see you bring someone up to your suite after Stark’s fundraiser a few months back?” Theo cocked a brow at him, a sly grin spread over her face. “What’s going on there?”

“Rest assured, I’ve not kept any partners from you,” Loki replied with a smirk of his own. “I am… not one for attachment, shall we say.”

“So she was a booty call?” Theo giggled, earning a venomously dirty look from Loki. “Well, what would you call it?”

“I prefer to have companions for a single evening,” Loki dryly answered, a pale pink blush returning to his cheeks. “It’s less complicated that way.”

“Is that so?” Theo teased, her grin widening to the point that her cheeks hurt as Loki’s blush grew brighter.

“Yes –” Loki’s explanation took on an edge of defensiveness as his expression teetered on the verge of a scowl.  “It’s not as uncommon as you might think, particularly among our peers.”

Theo barely managed to keep a straight face, all-too-amused by how quickly Loki became flustered.

“Civilians do not understand the nature of our roles, so relationships that are not between two agents or established prior to one becoming an Avenger are practically doomed from the start,”  Loki continued. “Having seen the effect of those failed relationships on others, I have chosen to refrain from courting anyone.”

Theo’s stomach lurched at the observation, her prior amusement vanishing in an instant. She quickly grabbed her water glass, taking a long sip of chilled liquid to ground herself before the implications could make her spiral.

“That being said, physical desire is a near-universal experience, or a need, if you will—” If Theo’s expression shifted, Loki must not have noticed; the usual glint of something clever returned to his eye, as did a wry smirk. “—And sometimes our needs… Well… They need to be satiated.”

“Can’t fault you there.” Theo covered up her discomfort from Loki’s earlier comment with a smirk and a wink of her own. She started towards the living room, glancing back at Loki over her shoulder. “Some of us are hanging out in the living room. You want to join?”

Loki nodded, pressing away from the counter and following Theo into the living room. 

Amidst a chorus of greetings directed at Loki, Theo took her usual seat, but this time stretched her legs out across the cushions so there wasn’t room for anyone else to sit. She looked up and grinned at Loki, who stood in front of the couch like he was about to take his usual place beside her.

With narrowed eyes flitting between the seat and Theo, Loki arched one brow in a silent challenge. Theo simply widened her grin, curious to see what would follow.

To Theo’s surprise, Loki didn’t say anything; instead, he picked up both of Theo’s legs, moving them out of the way so he could sit down; once he settled into his seat, he placed both of Theo’s feet on his lap, as a result returning Theo to her initial position. He capped off the response by flashing an impish grin at Theo, a sort of silent taunt - “you thought you could try me? Foolish mortal.” 

Other than a suspicious glance exchanged between the widows, it didn’t seem like anyone even noticed the exchange between Loki and Theo.

Despite Theo’s playful behavior, Loki’s comment about relationships doomed from the start lurked in the dark recesses of her mind, no matter how hard she tried to ignore it. Even as she forced herself to pay attention while Sam and Bucky explained the rules of the particular type of Halo match they selected for the evening, Theo couldn’t shake the vague uneasiness that the comment initially instilled within her. 

A good night text from Chris, something which usually made Theo’s heart flutter in her chest, instead filled her with dread. However, Theo kept her discomfort close to her chest, acting like nothing was amiss as she replied to Chris, wishing him a good night. When Theo returned her attention back to her friends, she tucked her concern away behind carefully crafted smiles and quick-witted comments with such practiced ease that it should have been concerning. 

Only when she had retreated to the privacy of her suite, after turning out the lights and tucking herself beneath her thick, plush comforter, did she allow the matter to crawl out from the shadows and capture her attention. 

When Theo accepted the offer to go on a date, she hadn’t even considered that the difference in careers/experiences would influence their relationship, or the special considerations that she needed to make. Given her career as a doctor, she was used to missing holidays, birthdays, and special occasions because of work. Chris had, up to that point, seemed perfectly fine with that. With healthcare privacy laws, it wasn’t odd for Theo to avoid talking about work with other people, and that naturally flowed into her relationships, another thing that Chris never seemed to mind. He didn’t care that she never brought him up to her suite, and that they always stayed at his apartment. 

Maybe she was overthinking it - they never said anything about getting serious. Besides, she didn’t know the circumstances of the failed relationships that Loki referred to. Other factors could have impacted those relationships. 

Still, the idea of Chris inevitably being hurt because of Theo’s lack of foresight left a bitter taste in her mouth. The last thing Theo needed was to hurt anyone else, but time and time again she made the same mistakes, and innocent people were caught in the crossfire.

Staring up at her ceiling, Theo drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Up until that night, she had no reason to worry about the future with Chris. He hadn’t made any indication that he wanted to pursue a long-term relationship. At that point, they were more of a situationship than anything - they didn’t change their lives for each other, they simply saw each other when it was convenient. That was okay. Theo was fine with that. 

Hopefully Chris was alright with that as well.

You tried to play it down But it never stuck I tried to bail this town I'm getting no such luck, yeah When nobody's around I keep my eyes on the clock There ain't a cure I've found In all my times around this block Every day we still try Every night we still cry We’re driving home on the 405

Between the overly loud sounds that Midgardians called music, the throngs of sweaty people, and the sharp stench of alcohol, Loki vehemently regretted allowing Maximoff to convince him to partake in this particular outing.

One of the local bars, the Hi-Lo, hosted an event they decided to call “Emo Night.” Maximoff’s explanation of “Emo Night” conveniently omitted that the “music” was far too loud and the quality of “singing” was questionable at best. Quite frankly, the quality of the scratchy, sometimes guttural noise could hardly be classified as singing, yet the people around them “danced” all the same - that was, if one could call shoving each other about in a sweaty horde dancing. 

Theo informed him the correct term was “moshing,” but Loki felt “barbaric stumbling” would be more appropriate. 

Some of their entourage seemed right at home. After freeing himself from the Winter Soldier’s programming, Barnes had grown fond of the loud and angsty racket. Maximoff had a penchant for live music, though this escapade made Loki question how the Scarlet Witch defined music. Though Wilson did not seem invested in the performance, he seemed quite comfortable with the strange cacophony – particularly strange given his typically warm and straightforward nature. 

Others, however, shared a response akin to Loki’s. Rogers hung back near the bar, nursing a bottle of beer with ear plugs in as he watched the scene unfold with an openly perplexed expression. Romanoff sat on a bar stool beside him, maintaining her usually neutral expression while drinking some sort of dark-colored cocktail from a cheap plastic cup. Despite shifting his appearance to look human, any passerby could have concluded that Vision’s presence in the midst of the drunken chaos was not natural. Amidst a sea of dark, casual clothing, Vision wore a pastel blue sweater and well-tailored pants. The android’s complexion lacked the flush of alcohol and the sweat from ‘moshing;’ combined with his lack of movement and mild expression, only emphasized the utterly strange nature of the event. Had it not been for Maximoff’s presence in the crowd, the android would undoubtedly have chosen a different location from which to observe the spectacle.

Until that evening, Loki assumed Theo would not be at home in such a ruckus - though she had performed in similar venues prior to becoming an Avenger, her musical prowess seemed far more advanced than this drivel. 

Yet, to Loki’s shock (and concern), Theo also claimed to be a fan of the so-called music; though she initially stood beside Loki as the so-called band performed, after bobbing her head to a couple of songs she disappeared into the sea of people as they jumped and screamed incomprehensible lyrics off-key.  

Left by himself in what might have been his personal hell, Loki cursed Theo for abandoning him, only to chastise himself for such a thought; after all, Theo had attempted to warn Loki of what he would experience. 

Earlier that afternoon, when Maximoff said “You’ll love it Lokes,” to which Loki rolled his eyes — it didn’t matter how many times he told Maximoff, she insisted on calling him Lokes — Theo couldn’t hold back the snort as she countered, “Given your thoughts on Tony’s music, you’ll probably hate it. But hey, you’ll probably enjoy the people watching.” 

Theo was not to blame for Loki’s current predicament; if anything, the only person Loki could truly blame was himself. After all, he was the one who accepted the invitation. 

The sound of distorted guitar shook the walls, his shoes stuck to the floor, and he couldn’t tell if he smelled stale beer or body odor - or both - but the scent was utterly repulsive. There were far too many people packed into such a small place, and they were drunken imbeciles. Even if he wanted to people-watch, it was too chaotic to tell what was going on. With the unnecessarily loud noise coming from the stage, a conversation would be near-impossible, no matter where he stood.

Then again, now that he was alone and everyone else was distracted by other things, no one would miss him if he left. Loki glanced over his shoulder at the exit, debating whether or not he should attempt to slip away at that moment, or wait until a break between songs.

The collision of another person bumping against Loki’s hip interrupted Loki’s train of thought. He whipped around, ready to unleash a series of insults at whoever dared to run into him, only to find Theo standing before him with two identical plastic cups in hand, both filled with a dark liquid similar to what Romanoff drank. The insults died on Loki’s tongue as she offered him one plastic cup, glancing down at the cup and then back at Loki before mouthing “for you.”

Loki lifted the cup and sniffed the drink; the saccharine scent of Midgardian soda intertwined with a spicy, sharp scent akin to some sort of Midgardian alcohol filled his nose, which he quite preferred to the establishment’s fetid aroma. However, Midgardian liquor would not be enough to dull his senses and render the evening tolerable; a tense chuckle – hardly more than a puff of air – escaped him at the thought.

When he looked back at Theo, her previously free hand now dangled a steel flask between two fingers for Loki to see, as if she could read his mind.

“Spiked with Thor’s whiskey,” Theo called out over the music, “You look like you need it.”

Loki rolled his eyes, schooling the discomfort from his face as he took a swallow of the beverage. 

As if the Norns recognized Loki’s frustration from the inability to converse, the ending of the next song brought a short break in the music - just long enough for the performers to switch instruments - after a relentless barrage of sensory overload, the lack of screeching instruments filling the air was a blessed reprieve. 

“Honestly, how can anyone enjoy such nonsense?” Loki leaned in towards Theo, still forced to raise his voice in order to be heard over the hollering from the inebriated audience. “It’s horrendously loud, the musicians are off-key, and the technique is terrible.”

Theo failed to bite back a grin, unfazed by Loki’s ire. “It’s not about perfection, Lo.” 

“Lo?” Loki raised an eyebrow at her. 

Theo faltered, worrying her lower lip between her teeth. “That’s okay, right?”

Loki sighed. “It’s—”  tolerable, at the very least  “—fine.”

Begrudgingly, Loki suspected that there were many things he’d allow Theo to call him that he wouldn’t allow anyone other than Thor to even consider.

“It’s about the feeling behind it. It helps us deal with the bad shit, like anger and sadness —“ Theo glanced toward the stage, then back at Loki. “— Life isn’t perfect. Music shouldn’t be perfect either.”

Much to Loki’s dismay, the band’s vocalist approached the microphone and announced the start of the next song.

Theo, however, lit up, practically glowing despite the dark venue.

“Listen closely to the lyrics—“ Theo instructed (via shouting) as the first chords and the drunken ruckus of the entire venue singing off-key slammed against Loki’s ears, “this is a good example!”

Had anyone else made the request, Loki would have outright refused; however, Loki trusted Theo enough to comply, and begrudgingly put forth a concerted effort to listen closely. 

A few lines in, Theo joined in singing:

“The highway won / I’m listening to traffic reports one on one, coming quietly undone / I was born to run away from anything good / an escape artist’s son / sun drenched pavement in my blood / the first thing that I do when I walk in / is find a way out for when shit gets bad, and…”

Theo kept eye contact with Loki as she sang along; a wistful look in her eyes made Loki recall some of the emotions he’d buried from his younger years. An uncomfortable void swirled in his chest as he stood amidst what he might consider to be the first tier of his personal hell. 

Yet, the song barreled on and Loki forced himself to continue focusing on the lyrical content. Though the writing was not Shakespeare by any stretch of the imagination, the lyricism surprised Loki with its complexity and depth. References to historical events - the Cold War scares of the sixties - interlaced with references to the lingering sentiment within tragedy led to commentary around existential anxiety, loneliness, and the fear of not fulfilling one’s potential.

Loki glanced back over to Theo, who continued to watch him while singing along. She flashed a small, almost sheepish smile as the song reached its bridge:

“Jesus Christ, I’m twenty six / all the people I graduated with / all have kids, all have wives / all have people who care if they come home at night / well Jesus Christ, did I fuck up?”

Even in the poor lighting, Loki caught a glimpse of something painful behind Theo’s expression as she uttered the phrase ‘did I fuck up?’ The expression, however, was fleeting, replaced with a different sort of intensity as Theo locked eyes with Loki for the final chorus:

“I've been looking for tears in the screen door / and I’ve been waiting for another disaster / but I was kinda hoping you’d stay / I was kinda hoping you’d stay / I was kinda hoping you’d… stay.”

Though the song concluded, neither sorcerer made any effort to look away; something unspoken and inexplicable held them in place, frozen in a moment despite the chaos and discord of their surroundings…

… Until said chaos and discord quite literally crashed into them. 

Some drunken oaf had been shoved from the crowd and into Theo’s side, knocking her off balance. Theo let out a shriek of surprise as she stumbled forward in an attempt to not crash into Loki or spill her drink.

Without a second thought, Loki practically dove to catch her before the horde could trample her in their ‘moshing,’ even though it made his drink splash out of the cup in the process. Ignoring the liquid dripping off his other hand, he hoisted Theo up by her elbow and pulled her into his chest to steady her, at least until she regained her footing. 

Yet, when he felt her weight lift, he hesitated to let go.

“Are you alright?” Loki leaned down, close enough that his cheek brushed against Theo’s temple as he spoke into her ear. 

“Yeah, I’m good.” Theo tilted her head back, the soft skin of her nose brushing against the crook of Loki’s jaw as she replied; the sensation sent a pleasant chill down Loki’s spine. “Thanks!”

Theo stepped back, and Loki forced himself to let go; though they met each other’s gaze again, this time neither of them allowed the moment to last. 

Stifled by the sheer volume of the music, the only conversation between Loki and Theo until the end of the event consisted passing comments from time to time - Theo sharing thoughts on a particular song, Loki offering to bring Theo a refill when they both finished their drinks, or one of the pair pointing out something particularly amusing.

Between comments, Loki often caught Theo singing along, though she did so in a far more discreet manner than anyone else in the venue. Despite Loki’s best attempts to focus on Theo’s voice, the sound was lost in a swell of drums and guitars and other voices. The effort invested into trying to hear Theo successfully distracted Loki from the disdain he held for everything else about his surroundings, though it did nothing to dampen the disappointment when he could not hear her far-more-melodic voice floating through the air. 

Perhaps if Theo was the one singing them, or the one playing the songs on piano, he might enjoy them more.

After far too long, the return of overhead lighting and disappearance of musicians from the stage confirmed that the event had finally drawn to a close. Wrangling the various members of their entourage required a bit of teamwork and effort, but it was not long before the Avengers exited the establishment and felt the blessedly cool air of the city against their skin. 

It did not take long before the Avengers split into smaller groups along the sidewalk, a mixture of varied walking speeds and small conversations naturally pairing certain avengers with others. Maximioff and Barnes led the group, laughing and singing along to themselves as they stumbled along. Close behind, Vision and Wilson kept a close eye on their companions as they chatted with Romanoff and Rogers.

From the back of the group, Loki observed his surroundings while relishing the quiet of night. Quiet, of course, was relative - in a city such as New York, the bustle of traffic remained such a constant that it turned into white noise with due time. Strangers occasionally passed on the sidewalk, barely giving any of the Avengers a second glance as they ventured to mystery destinations in the night. 

Farther ahead, a beggar sat near an alleyway, his back against a dumpster so thoroughly covered in graffiti that it would have been impossible to guess its original color; as groups of people passed without paying the man any mind, Loki couldn’t help but notice the man’s resigned sadness.    

“... You survived.” The comment, clearly directed towards Loki, drew his attention from the beggar, though he did not catch the full remark. 

“Pardon?” As Loki replied, he glanced over to find Theo walking beside him, somehow managing to keep pace despite her much shorter stature.

“So, you survived Emo night,” Theo repeated with a coy grin. “How terrible was it?”

“It is certainly not how I would choose to spend my time,” Loki dryly replied. “Nor is it something I would have expected you to enjoy.”

“Thought I had more cultured taste?” Theo teased, bumping Loki’s hip with hers as they strolled along. 

“Clearly I was mistaken.” Loki chuckled and shook his head. “Tell me you do not subject your actor to such nonsense…” 

“You think I can walk into a bar with him and not be swarmed?” Theo cocked a brow as she looked up at Loki. Despite the amused smirk she wore, something bittersweet lurked beneath her gaze. “Even if he could get in without drawing attention, I think the internet would drag me for bringing him to a place like that.”

“Drag you?” Loki echoed, hoping Theo might clarify what she meant by such a term.

“Chew me out. Chastise me. That sort of thing.” Theo sighed, looking ahead once more. “It’s not exactly a luxury hot spot; I’m guessing Chris’s fans would think this kind of place is beneath him.”

“What would he think?” 

“I couldn’t see him having fun, but I don’t really know,” Theo admitted with such nonchalance that it almost seemed odd. “He seems too happy to really get the appeal.” 

Loki froze in place, struck by Theo’s answer. Yes, Loki had endured hardships that others might not understand, but no one could truly exist without heartache, could they? 

Theo stopped a step ahead and glanced back at Loki. “What?” 

“I–” Loki faltered, grasping for the appropriate response. “Surely he has experienced emotions other than happiness?”

“I mean, sure?” Theo glanced ahead at the rest of the group, then back at Loki. “Look, we don’t really talk about shit like that, but I don’t think he’s ever had a bad thing happen to him. If I ever got the crazy idea to talk to him about a bad day at work, I don’t doubt that he’d listen and try to make me feel better, but I doubt he’d really understand.”

“The more you reveal about your relationship, the less I understand the appeal.” Loki shook his head and started forward once more. “I thought that Midgardians valued love for the emotional connection, and yet you seem all too content to avoid emotions in your courtship with the actor.”

“We connect in other ways.” Theo’s tone held a certain cheekiness to it, which she paired with an equally cheeky grin. “I could tell you about the se–”

“– No, I think I am quite alright –” Loki replied rather sharply, cheeks burning as he forced images of Theo in a compromising position from his mind. The last thing he needed was to linger on such inappropriate thoughts, particularly with another Avenger.

“– Hey, you were the one who said everyone has needs –” Theo pointed out, far too self-satisfied in her response, “I figured you’d get it.”

“I do not need the mundane details to understand the appeal of physical intimacy.” Loki scoffed, rolling his eyes. “I simply do not understand why you bother with the rest of the courtship if you’ve no interest in further commitment.”

Theo did not have an immediate answer; she drew in a breath as if to speak, but remained quiet. 

By that point, the pair had walked far enough that they were about to pass the beggar Loki had previously noticed; at that point, they were close enough that Loki could clearly make out the creases of age and weathered skin, as well as the faint wisps of silver where a once robust head of hair likely sat. The man’s earlier melancholy lingered in Loki’s memory, and sentiment tugged at Loki’s heartstrings, compelling him to do something. 

All it took was a twitch of Loki’s fingers to conjure some cash in hand; if nothing else, Loki figured the man could use the money for a night of shelter and a warm meal. Yet, before Loki had the chance to acknowledge the man, Theo had already greeted the man by name, then crouched down so she was at eye-level before she extended some sort of plastic card to him, saying something Loki didn't quite catch. The man, however, grinned at Theo, his smile highlighting gaps where his teeth had fallen out at some point, before thanking her for her generosity.

Dumbfounded, Loki offered a quick greeting and extended the cash, which the elderly man thanked him for, though it was not with the level of warmth that the man exuded when he spoke to Theo.

The moment they were not within earshot of the man, Loki turned to Theo. “You know him?”

“Before I was an Avenger, I played a lot of shows in this area,” Theo explained with a small shrug. “Greg used to be the janitor at one of the local bars, but since I last saw him, he had to quit because of some health problems that left him unable to work. Between the treatment and the lack of income he couldn’t pay rent and ended up on the streets. 

“I didn’t find out until a couple weeks ago, when I was walking home and I recognized him, so I stopped to talk to him and learned about what happened. I told myself that the next time I saw him, I’d put Tony’s insane bank account to use and give him enough money that he would never have to sleep on the street again, and he wouldn’t have to worry about making ends meet The card has contact info for some people who can help him with the logistics.”

“Awfully generous of you,” Loki remarked.

“Hey, you didn’t even know him, but you still gave a bit of cash too,” Theo pointed out with a soft smile. “Most people would have ignored him.”

“Yes, well, back to our previous conversation–” Uncomfortable with the direction with which Theo took his remark, Loki quickly diverted the conversation. “–You never answered my question.”

“What question?” Theo glanced at Loki as they rounded the corner, Avengers Tower stretching into the sky ahead of them.

“Why bother with a courtship if you have no intention of pursuing a serious relationship?”

 “You’re reading too much into this,” Theo laughed nervously as she shook her head. “It’s not that I refuse to be in a serious relationship - I just like to go with the flow.”

Yet, contrary to what Theo said, a familiar melancholy in Theo’s eye said otherwise - the same melancholy he caught when Theo sang, ‘the first thing that I do when I walk in is find a way out for when shit gets bad, and / I’ve been looking for tears in the screen door / and I’ve been waiting for another disaster…’

That look in Theo’s eye told Loki everything he needed to know.

We don't know what we're doing Let's do it again, yeah, you know We're just amateur lovers With amateur friends I can tell you what you're thinking now Before you think it you can settle down Our lovin' isn't gonna burn us out We don't know what we're doing Let's do it again Yeah, let's do it again

[adelaidedrubman]

wip wednesday....... LOSERS’ edition.

(that’s every day with my characters but) i decided to kick off wip wednesday, and use it as an excuse to belatedly post the sentences written for the losers of the wip poll from a while back. in part because i lost the post with who wanted to be tagged in the losers post yeah. so, decided to share as a wip day buffet to the usual suspects instead (on that note, this is always a no pressure tag with no expectation you have to read in order to tag me back, but an extra bonus no pressure disclaimer please nobody feel obligated to read every excerpt even if you want to read one.) 

sending tags TO my beloveds @henbased @florbelles @unholymilf @belorage @socially-awkward-skeleton @corvosattano @inafieldofdaisies @direwombat @roofgeese @shallow-gravy @derelictheretic @strangefable @8bitpizzacoupons @stacispratt @orionlancasterr @v0idbuggy @jackiesarch @nuclearstorms @strafethesesinners @firstaidspray @clicheantagonist @simplegenius042 @miyabilicious @ladyofedens-blog @nightbloodbix @poetikat @voidika @ishwaris @confidentandgood @ri-a-rose @cassietrn @wrathfulrook @schoute @bluemojave @afarcryfrommymain @trench-rot @blissfulalchemist @shellibisshe @roberthouses @indorilnerevarine (+ open invitation + psa i am moving to an opt-in tag list soon so if you would like to keep/start being tagged please like or comment here.)

without further ado, the wips that just couldn’t rise to meet the #HANKSWEEP. these are in descending order of number of votes, so longer excerpts towards the top. credit to @derelictheretic for the text dividers i used here to break it up + make it visually easier to read your excerpt of choice.

HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER: 8 VOTES. the john/jestiny fake dating post getting dumped by their respective polycules au. here’s 8 sentences i wrote for chapter three following the poll, which i’m hoping to be able to post in full sometime this week.

“You crashed my boat.” “No shit!” she spat back, butting her forehead against his. “You shouldn’t have been fucking distracting me!” His brow twitched, his body tensing further. “You crashed. My. Boat!” “And did you get some kinda fuckin’ head injury during it or something?!” she barked. “The boat crashed —” “You crashed —” “— you have sufficiently fuckin’ established that.” She shoved her hand harder against his collarbone, digging her nails into the mass of his shoulder. “So how about instead of sitting around goin’ off like a broken record you get the fuck off me and help me shove this thing back into the water? I’ll even give you the honor of driving the piece of junk back to the marina, since you have such a minnow up your ass about me doing it.”

FIELD NOTES: 8 VOTES. working title for jenna’s canon, set pre-reaping. i’ve had trouble getting this one started beyond stray excerpts because i want to format it in a style that’s new for me, epistolary storytelling through research notes, emails, etc. mixed with traditional narration. on that note, i played fast and loose with tallying the sentences here due to the first part being in segmented shorthand, so it’s technically over count.

8:14 PM - Luggage Inventory, Convent Living Quarters. -Small but visible damage to zipper on inner pocket of main suitcase. Bending of teeth bent at approx. two inches from base. Zips with minimal effort, contents of pocket accounted for.  -Approx. 10ml fluid missing from water bottle clipped to handle, visual estimate. Check for leaks/transfer remaining fluid for lab analysis to be added to agenda.  -Slight tears to lining at  A gentle series of knocks drew Jenna from her journal, eyes settling on the peeling eggshell white paint and warped wood of the exterior door opposite the foot of her bunk. She flicked her eyes to the open doorway at her left to confirm that none of the women in the adjoining cabin appeared to have intentions of crossing the invisible barrier of privacy given to her as a ‘special guest’ with a ‘room all to herself’ and answering the knock themselves before climbing down from her bed to cross the short length of the room.  She left the journal open with cover flat atop the mattress and pen tucked into its gutter. It would just as easily read as an accounting of damage done by the airline on the flight over, were John to keep up the established pattern of indirect but relentless restless prying.  Jenna admonished herself for the intellectual laziness of making assumptions as she peered through the crack in the door she opened, finding it wasn’t John who stood there at all.  “I just wanted to see that you were settling in alright,” Faith greeted with a soft smile, dropping the hand that had knocked to fold into the one hovering at her waist, lacing the fingers together with palms pointed towards the ground.  She seemed careful not to touch the frame of the door, to do anything to tangibly intrude into Jenna’s space, but rocked forward on the balls of her feet to lean just past the threshold,  in subtle elicitation of an invitation to enter.

INFERNO: 3 VOTES. a simple lil role reversal au, baptist!jestiny/deputy!john.

He was sure if there were any onlookers watching as he stepped gently and deliberately along the slick mud of the riverbank to weave himself into the throngs of faithful, they would think he looked less like a Deputy County Attorney approaching a potential key witness, and more like a moth drawn to a flame.  All the better, he thought. He knew how to carefully craft a misleading image, too. 

AMERICA’S SWEETHEART: 3 VOTES. i never really planned to write anything in this verse or make it a cohesive story, but if i were going to i would want to do it exclusively through the pov of people just trying to do their job being forced to interact with johnjess. so here’s me playing with that, and with trying to use present tense for something besides the opossum fic. also i did lines instead of sentences because there were lots of short ones oops.

“They were national news. Were,” Penelope corrects with a hiss of derision. “When they were tried. I’m not driving four hours to Hope County every time the court has to deny the habeas corpus petition of the month! I mean, for the love of god, Stuart — I was a Peabody nominee.”  He shrugs as he folds in the temples of his glasses, carefully placing them on the desk beside his tea. “Was,” he grants flatly. “A nominee. You didn’t win.”  The stiff leather of his chair creaks in complaint beneath his shifting weight as he pauses a beat, tacking on, “The paper will be generous with reimbursing travel expenses, of course. There’s a new little resort that popped up at one of the marinas I’ve heard is actually quite nice. Has a spa and everything.”

MINE’S BIGGER: 2 VOTES. a verse vague john/jestiny silly little oneshot that is nsfw adjacent (excerpt fully sfw).

John swatted away the hand attempting to puncture the delicate silk lapel of his robe with the point of the badge, knocking the bronze star down to clatter against the hardwood.  “It doesn’t exactly require high-caliber deductive reasoning to see how desperately you’re trying to deflect right now,” he huffed, pulling up the neck of his robe with a protective grip.

JOIN ME IN THE SKY: 1 VOTE. a silly little john/jestiny airline crew au, john is a pilot and jestiny is a flight attendant. (ft. suffering crew members nick rye and mary may fairgrave.)

“What I’m doing is my duty as the Captain of this crew to see that its members are in line and following orders,” he bit out, shoving past Nick to take his place in front of the door to the absent flight attendant’s room. “Kindly see to it that you’re not the next subordinate in need of attention.”

…seriously? who the fuck was the one person who voted for wildfire? turn on your location i just wanna talk. but here. ““chapter 19””” or whatever

It had never been her particular habit, but as she watched billowing black smoke rise from the short, torn and twisted metal remnants of the frame of the silo with the heat from its explosion flaring hot on her cheeks, Jestiny thought she could understand now why some people enjoyed smoking after sex.

[xiaq]

(this can be answered publicly) Hey X, pardon me if you’ve answered this before, but I was just curious on how you ended up transitioning from academia to tech and what role you started with in tech? Also, so you have any advice for someone looking to break into tech from a non-STEM background? Thank you!

Hey! I haven't answered it publicly but it's a popular question, so I will now (warning, long answer is long).

So I was so fed up with academia for sundry reasons I won't get into here but I wanted a career that would allow me to A. retire some day (something that paid generally well), B. would allow me some measure of work/life balance without high stress, and C. Would ideally let me use my communication/writing/speaking/presenting skills in some way.

My parents and my partner all work in tech and were like, "did you know that we desperately need people with your skillsets in the tech world?" and my partner, who works in technical sales was like, "You would kill at my job, I am not lying." And I was like, every job listing in technical sales that I see requires either a degree I don't have or past experience I don't have, or both, and my mother was like "Do you know how many mediocre resumes from unqualified men come across my desk? Apply for the damn positions anyway." So I reworked my resume to focus on applicable skills/experiences and wrote a cover letter for each position I applied to saying "hey, I know I'm an odd candidate but let me tell you why that's a good thing." And I got a lot of positive responses!

I was interviewing at 2 different tech places when I accepted the offer for my job now. I had an initial screening call interview with HR, then a zoom interview with the hiring manager, and then I was given access to a limited demo environment and had a week to teach myself the software and put together a demo for a fake customer which I did for the hiring manager (my future boss), one of my current peers, and the VP of the org. I was offered the job the same night I did my fake demo. So in total it was a 2 week interview process, and I started working 2 weeks later. **

I'm a pre-sales solutions consultant, which basically means I'm paired with a sales guy who does all the money and business value talk with customers, while I get to learn about a customer's data problems and then demo for them how our products can address those problems.

The learning curve was (and still is) steep. But it was basically like going back to school, and I've always loved learning new things. The job is super fun. It fulfills all of my wants I listed above with the added bonus of being completely remote (aside from occasional travel to meet with customers for in-person demos). The people I work with are supportive, management is communicative and constantly giving me feedback/talking about my trajectory. I've won internal awards, already received two raises and one promotion and I haven't even been there a year. I'm making more than double what I did as a professor and the concept of retirement doesn't feel like a laughable pipe dream anymore. I miss teaching a lot, but I'm healthier, happier, and better prepared for the future now. And my work is genuinely fulfiling because I'm showing people how they can fix problems. Also, playing with data management software and putting together custom demos is neat. It's like all the best parts of a college project--research, making a preso, knocking everyone's socks off while giving the preso, but I'm getting paid for it. I'm glad I followed my mom's advice.

So I guess my advice is the same as hers: even if you're not "qualified," apply for the position anyway. Make custom cover letters for each position and if there's not a way to include the letter with the app, do some googling and find the hiring manager on LinkedIn and message/email them. The person who hired me said that my cover letter was what got me the initial interview. So that shit works. If you have friends or family working somewhere with open positions, use those connections. Having an internal referral will go a long way to getting your resume looked at. I know we're all like, boo nepo babies, but networking is a huge part of any industry. Use it to your advantage if you have the advantage (no, I'm not working for my parent's companies, but if there'd been an open position I was interested in, I would have applied for it. No shame).

**I also, on the side, applied for the Austin Fire Department because why not. After a whole lot of mental and physical prep, I was accepted to the academy (in the first class, no less, holla) right before I was offered my current job. But I had to be realistic and say that probably wasn't a good long-term career option for someone who is 110lbs and was barely meeting the physical testing requirements who also has issues with getting overwhelmed in high-input sensory situations. So. Into the tech world I went. This side note just to say, I was keeping my options very open and there's nothing wrong with that either, lol.

I hope this helps!

[romana-after-dark]

The Wrong Way: "It Wasn't Always Like This"

Joel Miller x Fem!reader

Masterlist

Spotify playlist

Bonus chapter: Waking up before Tommy, Little One thinks over the last year with Joel.

Summery: You are sold to Joel to clear up some of your fathers' debts, and he takes you back to his house where him, Tommy, and high ranking members of his raiding trope stay. Joel is mean, cruel, and hash, but had small moments of softness that confuse you in your venerable state. Over time, you get to know him and Tommy, and see different sides of each, and both are hiding secrets. Was it possible to fall in love under these circumstances? Or was that just another way Joel was fucking with you?

Aka: my mom sold me to One Direction

WARNINGS FOR FULL FIC, NOT CHAPTER BY CHAPTER UNLESS SOMETHING NEW IS ADDED AFTER MASTER WARNING LIST: DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT!!!! Fic contains graphic depictions of sexual assault, rape, molestation, dubcon/non con. Blow Jobs, PIV sex, lose of virginity, sex trafficking, past incest, death/people dying everywhere, Stockholm syndrome, falling for your rapist, victim blaming, torcher, branding, physical abuse, rape (not Joel), somno, dub con on tommy? idk he's not really into it but feels like he has to, self-harm/depression/suicidal thoughts (not a lot) but fair warning, major age gaps, love triangle, pregnancy/birth, threats of abortion, major character death, mentions of potential csa/child abuse but does not even come close to happening, forced pregnancy, forced housewife shit, breeding, breeding kink?!?!

Italicized is laying with Tommy. Regular is the memory.

*******************

"Well, maybe it's me And my blind optimism to blame Or maybe it's you and your sick need To give love then take it away" - Dear John, Taylor Swift

It wasn’t always like this. He wasn’t always like this. Joel had changed a lot since you first met him. After he tortured Nick to death for you, things got better… he brought you things and you two talked after sex, and after the realization that Tommy was keeping secrets from you too… you sought comfort and company in Joel’s arms.

And as you laid in Tommy’s, on the run from the man you loved, the father of your child, your husband for all intents and purposes… you couldn’t help but miss him, even with the strangulation marks across your neck, your face marred and aching, and the large purple and green bruise on your chest.

You loved laying like this after a bath, his legs spread out with you sat between them, all bundled up in warm clothes. Maybe his arms were wrapped around you, maybe he let you play with his hands, maybe he rubbed your back, but it was always comforting and safe as you both wound down for bed. It was meant to relax you and him, but sometimes it just wound the two of you up more.

Today, his fingers were interlaced with yours, and although you couldn’t see his face, you knew he was smiling from the way he giggled. Joel Miller, feared raider, mass murderer, rapist, a man of violence and pain… he giggled for you. 

“The chicken must’ve known Lorenzo was there to kill him, because he kept trying to peck. It scared Lorenzo half to death, he screamed a bit when the chicken would try to get him.”

“Lorenzo? That man can kill a clicker with his bare hands and you’re telling me he’s afraid of a fucking chicken?” Joel laughed with you, and your body moved as his chest shook with laughter. 

“Yeah, but I didn't tell you the best part! The chicken jumped and flew up in his face, pecking him right on the forehead!”

Joel’s face dropped to your shoulder and a fit of laughter. “He told me he ran into the cabinet!”

"He kept yelling 'Jodido pollo estúpido' what does that mean?"

"Stupid fucking chicken"

The two of your continued laughing, the memory of Lorenzo’s fight with a chicken continuing to make your smile. Lorenzo was brutal when he wanted to be, even drunk he’d taken out an infected he spotted while you were planting a garden. He gave you some seeds and wouldn’t explain what they were for, but begged you to try and grow some. Later, you found out he used them to make those gross smelling cigarettes, but Lorenzo was your friend so you obliged him, growing a few rows of the stuff in the large plot of land that Joel allocated for your garden. It was a mini farm by the time you were done. You always wondered how well Renzo could protect you or stop you from running if he was this drunk, all your doubt faded when one minute Lorenzo was laughing with you about something Zach written in a letter, the next he had turned and fired so quickly you didn’t realize there was a dead infected on the ground until Lorenzo had picked you up and began to carry you inside the house, muttering something about you taking too long.

Lorenzo was a man of many skills.

And apparently, a fear of chickens.

The laughter settled, and Joel restedhis hand on your small stomach. “You’re beginning to show…”

You smile, resting your head back on him. “It’s kinda amazing, isn’t it? Amidst everything outside…”

“Life finds a way.” Joel finishes for you.

“I like that. That from you or a movie?” You wondered if Joel said him, if you could believe him. He lied about Landslide, but you never told him…

“A movie, Jurassic Park.”

“What kind of park?”

“Do you know what dinosaurs were?”

“Joel.” You laugh. “I do read books.” Not that you had a whole lot of time anymore between chores and Joel… but you did find time to read when he brought you back books.

He laughs along with you. “Right, right. Well, in the story, a crazy scientist guy brought dinosaurs back to life and made a theme park from it.”

You pause, feeling silly. “... Joel?”

“Yes, little one?”

“What’s a theme park?” You spoke quietly, not wanting him to make fun of you for not knowing that, when you had just tried to insist you know things, that we weren’t as dumb as the older men here thought you were.

But Joel didn’t make fun of you. He explained it in vivid detail, from the food to the attractions to the rides… you loved hearing about the rides, asking more and more questions and exhausting his knowledge.

“You ever go to any?” It was dangerous territory to ask Joel about his past, especially anything that might bring up thoughts of his daughter, but you knew when to back off, so you tested the waters. 

“A few, very sparse. Mostly when my ma was still alive, she’d pay for trips to fun places. After dad died she had a bunch of life insurance and savings bonds- well, that doesn’t probably mean anything to you, but there was money. I didn’t have that, so ma would take me, her and Tommy to 6 Flags for a day.” Her was Sarah. Joel never named her, but after Tommy taunting Joel, saying that Sarah would be older than you are, you put the pieces together.

“What was your favorite ride?”

Joel chuckled a bit abashedly. “Well darl’n, I’m a bit embarrassed to say, but I didn’t really go on rides. Her and Tommy did most of that. Ma and I enjoyed the food, drinks and shade.”

You took a careful approach at the next question. “Tommy and her went on rides together?” You weren’t sure if you were even supposed to bring her up, and Tommy was a the elephant in the room.

A deep breath, and a sigh. “Yeah, they um… they were close. He was a good uncle…”

You knew this was the time to drop it, but you were happy having gotten just a little bit more of Joel’s life, understanding him a bit better.

“Rollercoasters…” You say wistfully. “They sound amazing.”

“Yeah,I guess they kind were. We took that sort of thing for granted, you know?”

“You know, I’ve never even been in a car.”

It never failed to amaze you how human, how normal, how domestic he seemed in these moments, moments like him turning around to you and looking surprised. Joel fucking Miller would never look confused around his men. Only for you.

“Really? Have you been on a motorcycle?” He waited until you shook your head. “ATV? Fourwheeler?” No and no. “Hm. One of my guys has a four wheeler. They don’t go very far, but they’re fun.”

You snuggle up to his warmth, the broad and soft and strong and firm of Joel Miller. The contrasting parts of him that fit the inside turmoil. “Could we ride one, sometime?”

“Yeah, yeah we can do that. Sounds like a good time, actually. We can borrow it sometime after you give birth. I can’t remember the last time I did somth’n just because it was fun.”

Lorenzo would laugh at you if you told him that made you feel sad. Tommy would look at you with pity, like you lost your mind… You take his hand and squeeze it before placing it on your belly. “Well, soon you’ll have lots of excuses to do fun stuff, you and me and our baby. A family.”

The two of you laid there for a while in silence, simply enjoying each other's company, when you both felt it. You from the inside, Joel from the outside… it was tiny, it was faint, but you felt it. Joel looked around and found your face, eyes wide and innocent, amazement clear on his face. “Was…. was that…”

Tears welled up in your eyes, you had never felt so much love for one person before. You thought you couldn’t love anyone more than you loved Zach, you had doubts if you were ready for this, if this was going to work out, if Joel could be good… but the way you felt right now for this child, the way you felt for Joel, and the clear and evident love on his face as he looked before you and the life you had created together. You were certain you could do it. Everything would be okay. Joel would be good to you, Joel would be good to your baby, he would never hurt you again… You were in love. You were a family.

“I love you, Joel” You said softly, snuggling down softly, signaling you were ready to sleep.

“Bedtime” Joel mutters softly under his breath, scooping you up and laying you down on the bed. Careful and tender, Joel tucks you in, and taking a deep breath, you sigh constantly, melting into his comfort. A kiss on the lips, a kiss on the nose, and a kiss into your hair, Joel settled down behind you. “I love you too, little one” a hand on your stomach. “And you too, baby girl.”

It wasn’t always like this. It wasn’t always violence and horror and danger… he could be good, he could be so, so good to you… you missed the way he laughed, the way he giggled, the way he was soft, but only for you, only for his princess…

You thought you could do it, you thought Joel changed, that he loved you… maybe he did, in his own sick way… but Joel didn’t change… he was never different, it’s just somewhere along robbing people of clothes and sifting through expired food and searching for little trinkets to bring you… he found a mask. A good one, nice quality… and he wore it nearly all the time, from the day Tommy left, he was good to you, so, so good to you… but the mask wasn’t perfect, and every now and then you saw glimpses of his face. 

The way he came to expect diner every day, breakfast in the morning, lunch if he was home, hot and ready, no matter how much you’d been outside working on tending the small livestock and the gardens… The way he expected sex when you had just violently thrown up from morning sickness, causing you to throw up again… or expecting sex when you just had false labor; it mirrored the way he expected sex 15 minutes after leaving you hanging from a tree. It was evident in the way your greatest value came from sex and from giving him this child. His praising the way you felt around him, the way he was so proud of you for making him a dad; it was about what you did for him, not who you were. He loved you for what you provided for him… and that’s not love.

“Hey honey.” Tommy’s voice was groggy and sweet in the late morning. “You up already?”

*******************

I don't want this story to end so I wrote another bonus chapter.

Thank you to everyone who reached out and left such kind messges about the bomb situation yesterday. I did not sleep at all last night. There was a thunderstorm and i just knoooooowwww that added to the kids fears.

Anyway, just a little drabble about LO thinking over the good times, but also realizing that joel didnt really love her for her, but what she provided.

I love you all!!!!

@my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @howaboutcastiel @tidlewav3

@bunnnyy-dummy @slutfortimotheechalamet @foggymoonbanana @dinsbaby @miraclesabound @jenna-ortega @primosworld @marclovers @threeheadedlamb @secretwriterpp @the-fox-den

@bitchyglitterfox @0bsessedwithfictionalcharacters @alloftheboysivelovedbefore @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @lunar-ghoulie4art @pedritosdarling @dreamonseems @alwaysdjarin @amoramorquetepintas @milla-frenchy

[2af-afterdark]

What are your opinions on all the Nu:Carnival characters? Eiden, the familiars, the clan members and Rin

This is not a coherent list. Mostly just my rambling thoughts on them. In introduction order!

Eiden: How could you not love our sweet little switch? He's such a joy to experience the story thorough and his pure and honest care for everyone makes it easy to see how they've all fallen for him. Kinky and caring, rolls with the punches, gets passionate on his loved one's behalf, easy to empathize with; I adore him (which is why I bothered to pull for him enough times to have his only unit be at 3*)

Aster: I love a dominate twink. I do find it hilarious that he got kinks people usually balk at in his few sex scenes (foot job and sounding). I love how he is the businessman of the team. What I learned about his past when Huey was still around made me want to cry. Support his desire to collect and spoil cute monsters. Hate that the devs refuse to give him more cards because he isn't a clan member. WHY GIVE HIM ANY CARDS IF YOU WILL NEVER RELEASE NEW ONES???? HE HAS FANS TOO!!!

Morvay: I love this big idiot (affectionate). He is always trying his best, even if he thinks with his stomach/asshole. I only want good things for him and am upset at the current story making me wait to see if he is alright! Give my succubus back! Same critique as with Aster: HE HAS FANS! WHY REFUSE TO GIVE HIM NEW CARDS??? It's such a dumb rule.

Yakumo: Someone please get this boy some confidence and self-worth. I cannot stand to watch him be so insecure when all I want to do is kiss his adorable face and tell him he is wonderful and perfect. His protective nature despite his belief he is not good enough moves me to fucking tears. Someone... This boy needs way more love.

Edmond: Cannot comment. I have no interest in him. He's just not my thing. He is very pretty though.

Olivine: Slutty priest makes brain go brrrrrr. I am just... the way his parents pushed him but he honestly tries so hard for everyone! I love him! He's not my favorite, but every time I read his cards I feel like I fall in love with him for the first time all over again and I do not know how to explain it.

Quincy: Okay, stop. Listen. I just... He's old. He's so old that he has seen people be born and die and leave him behind and he's tired physically, emotionally, and mentally. He has this barrier set up to protect himself, but to see Eiden break down that barrier and get Quincy wanting to be close to another person with a finite lifespan again? FUCK ME! Plus, you know, big and buff and hot. Size diff kink go brrrr.

Topper: Clearly the best character in the game. All power to Master Twilight Star-Show Max Lucifer Topper III!!!! I love how he gets his own outfit to match Quincy's during events.

Kuya: Much the same I said about Quincy, but in a more spicy flavor. He has the added bonus of being a yokai, creatures that have... questionable relationships with humans. He has lived so long that life has lost it's appeal to him as there is nothing worth living for; not knowledge, not power, not people. He's reached ennui and literally cannot see the point of his own life (we see a past version of him debating killing himself in one card). Eiden though? Eiden has brought that small spark of joy back into his life. He fucks with Eiden and can often take it in a direction that seems too far from a human perspective, but he never genuinely allows Eiden to come to harm. He is genuinely excited (in a subtle way) when he learns something new, and seems to be happy when his cynical view of the world is disproven (though he tries not to show it). Eiden has allowed him to open up to the world again, especially because Eiden doesn't forcibly bash his lived experience but also doesn't roll over and accept Kuya's bad traits. I love Kuya. He is my favorite. Also, he somehow got a shit ton of my kinks and I... yeah...

Garu: Cute puppy boy. He gets head scratches and wags his tail. I love how genuine he is. Garu is exactly who he says he is in every way and it is very refreshing. I just want to love and spoil him.

Karu: I admit... Karu is not my cup of tea. It may be because I'm not actually a fan of bratty tsunderes. It can be cute sometimes, but most of the time I find myself rolling my eyes and missing Garu. A shame because I usually like characters that have two conflicting personalities.

Blade: SOMEONE GET HIM A HUG!!!! He was alone for so long in that forest and he deserves better. I'm so glad he found Eiden and came out of there, away from that loneliness and waiting. Every time he defaults back into droid mode I get sad because I want him to enjoy being alive and being in love. Every time he says "Darling" my brain turns off and I wake up hours later with no memories.

Dante: It is hilarious how he innocent he really is while trying to act like the king. Eiden plays him like a fiddle. Hearing his past can make me sad though. I mean... Why does this game keep hurting our boys like this????

Rin: Why hot if evil? He has an eye mask and a tongue piercing... I am a weak person. I have things I like and he has them. I also want to slap him though because he hurt the boys I love! Also... yeah... I need the story here...

Rei: POWER BOTTOM! WE FINALLY GOT A POWER BOTTOM!!! And I love that he's not immediately all over Eiden but treats their relationship more casually. It's a refreshing dynamic. Also, he's a scientist doing questionable research in his house which is just 😳😳😳 Go on, Sir.

Father: Why is he named that? Is there secret lore or..??? Another animal companion to get cute event outfits. And apparently he's an animal that people have entire legends/wives tales about? I NEED THE LORE!!!

Huey: Fuck that guy.